#i think i'll try to get to the other word too in the future :D

[rae-writes]

when it's time for mc to return to their original timeline how do you think the [nightbringer] characters would react if mc told them that they were from future and it's time for them to go back to the present timeline and that they'd meet them then

The common room was silent— so silent, it sounded like the entire Devildom was sleeping all at once. There was tension so thick you could cut it by just swiping at the air- there were eleven pairs of eyes trained onto Mc; the single tear that dripped down their face was like a harsh shock wave.

"I'm sorry...but I have to leave- I have to go back to my timeline now..I'll see you again when I return, okay? I promise."

Lucifer is absolutely flabbergasted, red eyes wide as he scanned your face for any signs of humor, but you weren’t joking. His hands trembled uncharacteristically, fingers twitching as he stretched his arm out to try and grab at you; "What do you mean you have to go? Don't...your place is here, with us, you can't leave- what the hell do you mean you'll see me 'when you return', I'm me! I'm right here! Don't go-!"

Mammon doesn't fully process your words, only really catching the part where you said you had to leave. He feels nauseous and scared as he immediately begins to stammer and stumble over to you, grabbing your hand and pulling you closer so he can feel that you’re still there; "Y-you can't leave! Why would you want to leave- your home is here, you belong with us- with me- I'm right here, where are you going? Don't leave me behind! I-I need you! Please!"

Levi instantly has tears in his eyes, too preoccupied with watching you start moving away from him to realize you said you’d see him again. His tail whips out to circle your waist, arms frantically grabbing at you as he cries; "W-w-wait-! D-don't go, don't leave...did I do s-something- a-are you leaving because of m-me? I-I'll fix it, I p-promise, just please don't go..."

Satan's first instinct is to get angry- to throw a fit and throw anything in reach and scream and lash out, but he just stands there staring at you. He understands the concept of time travel and other timelines- he's read all about it- and essentially knows that he'll see you in less than a minute once you go back, and yet...; "Leaving...? You're leaving? I- I don't...I don't want you to go..don't-...just..Mc, please."

Asmo hears everything you're saying, but he just doesn't understand! He practically curls his whole body around you as he stutters through his denial, trying so hard not to cry because it would ruin his makeup; "What do you mean you're leaving, hon? Time travel is nonsense..you belong here, with us! Y-you're not actually going to leave me, right? Not me...don't leave me.."

Beel immediately panics as his thoughts run rampant about losing you and never getting to see you again, despite you assuring him that you'd see him very soon- he can't lose someone close to him again, not you- and the way he grabs onto you shows his desperation; "No! I-I mean...no, you can't leave us- why would you leave us? I thought you were at home here, with us, please...I can't lose you, too..."

Belphie, like his twin, is panicking- but he's in a hysterical panic. He breaks down into sobs and apologies right at your feet- apologizing for any time he was snippy with you and especially the time he got so mad he almost hurt you after finding out you were human- he's so sorry, just..don't leave-!; "No, no, no! You can't! You can't leave us, please, don't leave, I'm sorry! I'm sorry for everything I've done wrong to you- just don't leave me! Please, don't leave me..."

Diavolo understands the concept of what you're saying, though it's still hard for him to grasp the fact that you're leaving to go back to a different him...why couldn't you just stay with him in this 'timeline'? Didn't...didn't you still like him either way?; "What...what? Mc, I don't understand...just stay. Here. With- with me, with us, I don't...why must you go back? Don't you like it here?"

Barbatos shouldn't be worried. He knows exactly what you're talking about and what you mean by 'see you again when I return' and yet he can't help but feel at a loss, torn between letting you just walk away or trying to stop you- he doesn't want you to go back to future him...he wants you here with this him; "I...wait, Mc..don't-...don't go back. Stay, please..I know I'll remember the time we spent together here when you return, but I...I don't want to let you go.."

Simeon is in an odd state between panicked and calm. One on hand, he trusts you. If you say you promise you'll see him again- whatever that means- he believes you. But on the other hand, he's already lost so much in life and he can't possibly bear to lose you too, so he grabs you and holds on tightly; "Go? What do you mean 'go'? I...Mc...I don't want to let you go..I don't want you to leave- please stay...with us. With me."

Luke's confusion dances across his face as he latches onto your waist, firing a thousand questions at once, as fast as he can speak them; "What do you mean you're leaving? How can you see me when you 'return'- what does that even mean?! I'm the only me...and I'm right here- where...where are you going?! Don't leave me! I don't want you to go!"

bonus :

Solomon is there to wrap his arms around your waist tightly for comfort, keeping the others from coming too close; he can't let them take you away from him- won't let them convince you to stay. Your place is in your own timeline, with the present versions of them, with him. He promised he'd bring you back home with him and no one is going to stop him; "Come on, Mc...let's go. We need to go- this is what we've been working towards remember? You'll see them in less than a second once we go through the portal. I'm here with you, I'm not ever going to leave your side. You trust me don't you? Let's go home. Together."

[lanawinterscigarettes]

Sorry to keep bombarding you with house MD reqs but may I request a Wilson x transmasc reader for kinktober? Specifically with either the edging/overstimulation prompt or the Public sex prompt. I'm on James Wilson of Oncology brainrot 😔☝️

- 🌝

ofc you can! and don't even worry about it, I love all the requests you send in 🥰 thanks for the kinktober request!

(also I went with Wilson being on the receiving end of the edging/overstimulation but if you ever want a fic in the future that has it the other way around please don't hesitate to ask! I love writing subby characters with dom readers but I understand completely if that's not really what you had in mind)

Kinktober 2024 Day 10: James Wilson x transmasc reader having semi-public sex that involves edging/overstimulation

Warnings: smut/nsfw content, semi-public sex, both edging and overstimulation, riding, bottom sub Wilson, top dom reader, condom use/protected sex implied but not explicitly stated (please use a condom irl if you don't want stds and/or children I beg of you), slight humilation kink, could be seen as dubcon in some areas but everything was properly consented to beforehand

Princeton Plainsbouro Teaching Hospital was great for many things. Getting a check-up, having a transplant, resting after spending several grueling hours in surgery. One of the things it was also used for was the occasional quickie between members of the staff.

Sometimes it was in dark corriders, though mostly it was empty patient rooms or supply closets. This time happened to be in the office of a certain head of oncology.

"Shush, James. You have to be quiet unless you want us to get caught," you murmured teasingly in his ear as you sat on his lap. You were straddling him as he sat in his desk chair, his dick plunged deep inside of you.

"You're doing this on purpose," he lightly accused, his voice strained. His hands were gripping tightly onto the armrests of the chair as he did his best not to allow himself to get any more worked up than he already was.

You'd been cruel, and you knew it. He'd been edged for the past half hour or so as you made yourself cum again and again and again, forced to do nothing but sit there and watch as it happened. You promised (well, threatened is more like) that the second he came without having your permission first you'd get up and leave, and he couldn't possibly have that.

So he simply sat there, the light sheen of sweat on his face and neck causing his skin to glisten in the light. If he wasn't so focused on keeping himself from cumming, he'd have been admiring the view of you on top of him.

He so desperately wanted to finish, at least get the chance to cry out your name, but he knew both of those things were currently off the table if he wanted you to stay.

"Please," he begged in a pitiful whine, trying not to squirm as he felt you clench around him. "It's- it's not fair-"

"You sound so pretty when you beg." You leaned in and peppered the side of his neck with teasing kisses as you continued to slowly move up and down in his lap. It was hard not to smirk when you felt the way he hips jolted upwards into yours, further signifiying his growing need. "Ah, ah, ah. What did I say about moving?"

"Please, please let me cum," Wilson pleaded with you, his bottom lip (which was pink and swollen from all the rough kisses you'd given him earlier) sticking outwards in a visible pout. "I- I can be quiet- I'll be good for you, I promise-"

"Hm..." You pretended to think it over before finally relenting. "I'll let you cum, but you can't stop until I tell you to, okay?"

If he'd been thinking clearly, he probably would've taken a bit longer to consider your conditions, but your offer was just too good for him to refuse. "D- Deal. Whatever you want from me, I'll do it, I swear."

Famous last words, you thought while pulling your face away from his neck, a certain glint of mischief in your eyes. "Alright, baby. You can cum now if you really want to."

It was like the floodgates had opened up just from you saying those words alone. His body tensed up underneath you, and you could feel his dick twitch inside of you as he released his load. Thank god for condoms, because otherwise that would've been one hell of a mess to clean up.

He leaned back against the chair as he tried to catch his breath, his eyes shut and his breathing ragged. It almost made you feel bad for what you were going to do next.

When he felt you pull off him and move back to sit on his thighs, he thought nothing of it. It wasn't until your hand met his aching cock that he realized what was going on.

His eyes shot open almost immediately when you wrapped your hand around his member and began to slowly jerk him off, which prompted him to remember your words from earlier. "I'll let you cum, but you can't stop until I tell you to."

"Oh, god..." He whimpered pathetically as he squirmed around in his seat, realizing the overstimulation he felt from your touch was just going to keep getting worse until you decided to give him a break.

"I don't think he can help you now," you replied with a smug grin, visibly proud of yourself for the mess you'd made of the usually so put-together doctor.

He could only let out broken mewls in response, his head tilting backwards as his eyes glazed over. "T- Too much... Can't do it..."

"Yes, you can," you insisted in a soft yet firm tone, giving his sensitive cock a light squeeze to further set him on edge.

It must've worked, because you heard his nails scratch at the leather upholstery on his chair's armrests in an attempt to help ground himself. "I can't," he protested in a strangled plea.

You disreguarded his words as you continued to pump his member, which was slick with your arousal from when he'd been inside of you. "You're going to get the both of us caught if you keep whining like that."

He huffed loudly in frustration, not amused. "Y- You're awful. You want us to get caught at this point, don't you?"

"Keep acting like a brat, and I'll page House. I'm sure he'd just love to get a front row view of you falling apart underneath me."

That certainly did a good job of shutting him up. If there was one thing that was worse than being teased and taunted relentlessly by you, it was being teased and taunted relentlessly by both you and House. He already disliked it happening in general, meaning there was no way he wanted to experience it in a situation like this one.

"Just once more, okay? Cum for me once more, and then we're finished," you bargained with him as you kept your hand wrapped around his cock. "Just one more time, baby, you can do it, c'mon."

The combination of your promise and the gentle encouragements you gave only got him closer and closer to his goal. It wasn't until you leaned in and sunk your teeth into the side of his neck in an affectionate bite that he was officially pushed over the edge.

He heart was racing at this point, his legs shaking somewhat as the aftermath of his orgasm washed over him. "You can never settle for just a normal quickie, can you?" His voice was breathless as he lightly joked with you, his chest visibly rising and falling as he sat back in his chair.

You looked like the cat that ate the canary as you watched him, overly smug at how wrecked he looked right now. "With someone as irresistible as you? Never."

Likes < reblogs | comments are greatly appreciated | requests are currently open

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🏷 taglist: @pigeonmama @caplanreblogsfics

[luna-loveboop]

Wanted to share some thoughts, cause I NEED TO SHARE IT. (Though it might be quite obvious, yeah...)

So, the whole thing with Warriors acting more stern with Wild lately. One could think: "Why just Wild? Hyrule can be quite reckless sometimes, and Wind is THE BABY, so why not them too?"

Well, there's one thing that they don't have, but Wild sure does...luck of self-preservation.

Wars can trust that others, even IF they let emotions take over, would still try to avoid DYING.

WILD WILL NOT. This fella uses his FACE as a SHIELD for ANOTHER PERSON, when there's NO NEED FOR THIS, while being in his "right mind".

SO WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT OF HIM, WHEN HE LOOSES HIS MIND IN A STRESSFUL SITUATION?

Wars still gave him the benefit of the doubt for a while, but after this whole fiasco with Twi's injury - Wars just can not help it, he FEARS for Wild's well-being, because "Champ" himself DOES NOT (with his whole "failure of a hero" thing, I presume).

And how does one even adress it? I doubt Wars saw many people who didn't care about their life before, he was at war, usually people want TO SURVIVE there. He's on edge cause he sees a problem and has no idea how to aproach it.

I want to preface this by saying I have a severe inability to stay on topic but yeah let's talk about it.

So you touched on something me and Jesse have both touched on- that Wars' actions towards Wild come from a place of concern and fear. I think that this is true. Wild DOES lack self-preservation instincts, and Wars has to be afraid of losing him- of the young knight earning more scars. Wild can be an idiot sometimes, but Wars saw him lose his head and attack the shadow when it was just proved to be lethal more than they knew.

There's a difference of perspective between ours and the boys tho that is important and I think contributes to people judging wars for this. See, to Wars perspective, and all of the boys, they could die at any time. An injury could be fatal and they can't see the future. We however KNOW that Wild survives, because we know he goes on to tears of the kingdom. We know Jojo has said that he is reckless and will get himself hurt but always comes out of it. But Wars has watched a billion (<exaggeration) soldiers die and is terrified of it happening again. Whereas we watch the comic from the outside, knowing for certain Wild will make it, Wars is living out that reality harshly.

ANoThER thing I think people forget to account for is Wars is not just a captain, he's a soldier but also leader in an army. I'm not the best with phrasing sometimes so I'll try to say this well- people in the army don't always get to be nice. Oftentimes armies have very harsh environments in treatment towards soldiers because when it comes down to training and life and death there is no time for niceties or feelings. Wars was pushed into the most major promotion ever pretty much to be an army leader. If he's now in the mindset of viewing Wild as a fellow knight/soldier who is not a leader... angry words and facial expressions is pretty mild to be honest.

Wars is a really nice person for all he's gone through, but fighting in a war is a very different experience than a solo journey like the others had. I think it's time to acknowledge that he was forced into far more of a role than the pretty hero, but also an armies leader, and it takes a lot of work to be a nice person through all that. Wars is a nice person who has a ton of strength to be so kind after all he's been through and his actions towards Wild make sense considering his past with what journey he came from. Thank you for coming to my ted talk- no I'm not done.

If anything I said was in any way offensive let me know. I hope my words didn't somehow come across as harsh.

Although him (in a way) treating Wild as someone who is out of line is understandable given his past, it's still not excusable. Wild isn't a soldier and he's not the leader.

Now for Wild time I'm going totally of the rails let's go

Wild doesn't. Yeah ok Wild doesn't like Wars. I've made like. Fifteen thousand nine hundred and fifty two posts on this (<big exaggeration). Wild has not really... spoken to Wars throughout the Lu storyline, tho he did in some of Jojo's starting doodles. Wild has really only spoken to Wars since it all went down when mr. stubborn got injured. I think Wild has a lot of resentment towards Wars for being the knight he was supposed to- who succeeded. Wild has flat out ignored Wars a lot of the time and honestly I'd get pretty frustrated with that too.

Also I along with the other nine hundred people want Wars to trigger an army memory in Wild. For the angst.

Wars is wrong in how he's acting towards Wild and Wild is wrong in how he's treated Wars not as someone worthy of respect. It's hard to pinpoint what's going on in Wild's head but I DO know Wars thoughts- he's terrified for Wild's life and angry that he ignored him and fought the shadow.

But yeah you're right. Wild has no self preservation instincts and Wars can't rely on him to freaking stay alive. Thank you for sending me an ask and sharing your thoughts with me!!! You matter and I love hearing from you /gen <3

Also. Let's make this clear. I love Wars so much. So very much. He's literally a fairy godmother. No hating on him or Wild on my posts. Thank :D

[speaching]

PLEASE CLICK FOR BETTER QUALITY

I have been being told to share this for so long so ✨️Tada✨️

Wrapping paper finger spelling "Hapoy Holidays" with the hands of the main 4 Robins

In order using the word "Happy"

H: Dick, A: Jason, P: Tim, P: Damian, Y: Dick

More about me making it ⬇️

I think most people have seen the Target ASL wrapping paper at this point? If not, ere you go

I did want to get it, but my family doesn't celebrate Christmas. So I decided to make my own and design it in a way that I thought would be more fun and personal

I spent over a month drawing and designing this wrapping paper

Each hand was completely drawing from scratch and even the hands signing the same letter (Like Tim and Damian signing "P") are both individually drawn because I wanted them to all have unique and sizes and shapes.

I also gave them glove designs that would easily read as their character

I wanted to get this actually printed as wrapping paper but it was too late into December by the time I'd finished and I definitely didn't have the money for that. If I had the opportunity and money I totally would but currently I do not.

My mom and actually my ASL teacher, along with others are trying to get me to sell this but that requires money.

I'm always really hesitant to share my things like this because I want them to stay my own things and ideas but I've been told a lot to share this, so I am.

I actually have a lot of ideas for other ones like these I'd like to make in the future that I might work on sometime soon? My schedule willing though they'll probably just live on my computer.

But maybe if I get a way to do it I'll make this and other designs I do available :D until then please keep in mind this is a very personal work to me even if it might not seem that way

Fun fact! The presents on the wrapping paper actually represent some of the other Batkids also including Babs and Steph!

[f4iry-bell]

WHO AM I? | 3

pairing: grayson hawthorne x popular! reader

warning: cursing (one word), a bit angsty, kissing?

taglist(permanant): @unnoodles @never-enough-novels @alwaysthefangirl @clarissaweasley-10 @benny1989fredd @imaseabear @never-enough-novels @elysianwayy77 @whatsamongus @sheisntyou @emelia07

series taglist: @inmyheaddd @lanterns-and-daydreams

word count: 1.4k

a/n: final part!!! there might be future blurbs about these two laterrr :D

masterlist | part 1 , part 2 |

Grayson had to convince his brothers that this party thing was not a date for almost half an hour. He didn't want to believe that it was a date, but he can't stop hoping that it was sort of one. She wouldn't have invited him if it wasn't, right? Or maybe she only wanted to be friendly. 

Sighing to himself he parked his fancy car outside the house she asked him to come to, there were too many drunken idiotic people in that house to his liking. He immediately spotted her in the crowd. She was wearing a short red dress that hugged her body, her hair was down like usual, and she was dancing with someone. A guy, from her circle. 

Yep, definitely not a date. 

He didn't know what to do so he just stood there and watched other people have fun, it took her longer than he expected to notice him. She quickly made her way to him and greeted him while holding her drink.

“Hey.” Even the single word slurred. goddamn her smile was so pretty that he wanted to kiss her.

“Hello.” It wasn't matching her energy.

“You good? You like this place?” She asked.

He nodded. 

“I'll get you a drink?”

“No, I'm driving.” He informed her.

“Well, okay. Let's go. I'll introduce you to friends.”

Friends? Introduction? He thought she was done with those people the way she distanced herself from them.

“I don't think it—” she grabbed his arms and led him through the crowd to another room filled with people who were vaping and drinking.

“Hey, guys. You know Grayson, right?” She told them.

“Yeah, the Hawthorne kid.” One of them said.

“Yeah…He's in my business class, he's cool.” She said, trying to fit him in this.

“Doubt that.” One of the idiots whispered to another. Grayson was sure that she heard it too but didn't say anything.

_

After sometime they say down and we're talking, or she was talking and letting the idiots either make inappropriate comments about her or just put her down as if she's not better than all of them. Grayson didn't say anything all though he wanted to, he didn't feel like he should be talking. He kept quiet through all of it, the way she barely spoke to him, barely looked at him. But he lost it when that guy from earlier who was dancing with her said something to her and she was laughing uncomfortably. 

He stood up. “I'm going to head back.”

“What? Why?” She asked.

He just looked at her.

“Are you not feeling well?” She asked with concern.

“No. I have to wake up early.” Those idiots laughed when he said that.

“It's barely eight.”

“I sleep early, goodbye.” He said and walked away. She followed him.

“Grayson, wait.”

He did.

“Is something wrong? Did I do something?” She asked, a bit panicked.

“It's what you didn't do.”

“What do you mean?” She asked as if she's clueless.

“Seriously? Can't you stand up for yourself in front of them? The way those idiots talk about you like you're some product! And why would you laugh and encourage that behaviour? You're better than this, better than that crowd.” He told her.

“Don't do this here.” She said, her face falling down.

“I don't care. You keep associating yourself with them for what?”

“It's not that easy, Grayson.” 

“How? You can just drop them all. You'll lose nothing.”

“I'll have no friends! No status, no one will want to talk to me if I leave a big group like that.” 

“You're wrong. Not everyone worships that group. You'll have people talk to you, you'll meet new people, with an actual functioning brain. And you'll have me.” He said the last sentence quietly.

“Grayson. It's not easy.”

“You're stubborn. I'm sorry, but I can't watch you do this to yourself. And the way you were kind of neglecting me there? That's all their influence, you put this mask on infront of them to look what? Cool? It's rude. I know you're better than that, but if this is what you choose to be then so be it. But I'm out, don't invite me to these, don't talk to me like you're interested, don't talk to me at all.” With that he just left the house and started driving back to his apartment.

_

After an hour or something, someone knocked on his door. He frowned because his brothers didn't tell him that they're visiting him, and it's 9:15 pm. He opened the door to find her standing outside, same dress, same hair but her face had a sad expression.

“Hi.”

Grayson didn't say anything, he waited for her to say something.

“May I come in?” She asked.

He opened the door further and let her inside, once she was in he closed the door.

“I didn't know you wear glasses.” She pointed.

“I don't need it everyday, but I wear them for headaches.” He informed her.

There goes the silence again after she nodded.

He called her name to which she didn't say anything. “What are you doing here?”

She sighed. “I don't know where else to go.”

“Did something happen?” He asked worriedly.

“I did what you told me to do.” She added, “when they were making inappropriate comments about me or my body I told them to respect me, they made fun of me for it and asked me to chill. I wanted to shake it off but then I remembered your words. I told them to not put me down, or pretend I'm only a pretty face. They just kept mocking me, so I told them to fuck off. And they said I'm out of the group, and irrelevant now.”

“You're not irrelevant. You have more followers than any of them. You are like the center of the whole thing.”

“I don't care about that.” 

“You don't?”

“I mean, sort of. But that's why I'm here.” She stepped closer to Grayson which made his heart beat.

“Oh?” He almost stuttered.

“Do you hate me?”

“Of course not. I only said I'm out because I can't stand to see you be treated like that.”

“I'm not like that anymore.”

“I believe you.”

“But do you…like me? I won't be greeted by many, I won't get the attention, I won't get what I had before. I'm sure by now Lily would have bad mouthed about me in every group.” 

“Well screw Lily. And won't it be nice? Not greeting people whom you barely know?”

“Answer my first question, Grayson.”

Grayson was quiet. He was flipping out.

She shook her head. “Right, I thought of something else. Erm, bye. This is embarrassing.”

“Wait. I do like you.” He blurted it out. “I've liked you since the scavenger hunt. I was drawn to your presence, and it got only worse when I got to know you.”

“Really?” She asked.

He nodded because he couldn't get the words out of his mouth as she closed the distance between them. She gently cupped his cheeks “Is this okay?” She asked to which she received a nod from him.

She gently kissed his lips and pulled back after a minute. 

“Wait, you like me too? Right?” Grayson asked.

She chuckled. “I wouldn't have kissed you if I didn't, dumbass.” 

He smiled. God this is really happening, she kissed him. He bent down to kiss her again but she stopped him.

“What's wrong?” He asked.

“As sexy as you look with those glasses, it's not really comfortable kissing with them.” She carefully removed it and kept it on the coffee table.

[ahllohehn]

Hello! This is an opportunity for you to yap about ANYTHING you wanted to. That's it, use it however you'd like :D

Post about my Scarian Fashionista AU that I absolutely doubt I'll finish so have my draft notes of my plans before I completely gave up;

“Too common.”

“The design is tacky.”

“Now it’s too simple.”

“Grian, dear, are you even trying at this point?”

“Enough with this. If all your designs are just gonna look like this, I’d rather you already leave and reflect on this.”

Grian flinched as he watched the office door slam on his face, leaving him to glare at nothing but polished wood as he trembled frustratingly in place. 

When he had signed up for a course on Fashion Design, he thought he had been overqualified for the course. After all, he already had plenty of experience in regards to fashion, so he thought that all he needed was to push through and just let his passions and ideas roam free then he’d get his degree easy peasy.

Too bad that reality is often disappointing, and often likes to humble him offensively.

Grian grit his teeth and was about to kick down his professor’s door until a voice piped up and dragged him away before he could create some long time regrets, “Woah there, buddy. Getting a lil’ too heated there, yeah?”

Pearl giggled as she held the shorter man down by his shoulders, disallowing him any opportunities of kicking down the door and potentially murdering their professor.

The future murderer squirmed under her hold for a while before begrudgingly setting his foot down, “I wouldn’t be like this if they weren’t so– so! Urgh!”

The rest of his words were lost as his emotions took over any sort of coherent thought, only having enough awareness to express his frustrations by groaning and whining. He waved his clenched fists and stomped his feet on the carpeted floor like a child throwing a tantrum.

With how he was acting, any student could mistake him for some short freshman first realizing the cruelty of college life. Fortunately, Pearl wasn’t any student and saved him the embarrassment of having to be compared to younger students.

“I know, I know. But if you were gonna get kicked out from university, I’d rather you get kicked out with an honorable reason,” she patted Grian’s back comfortingly, “And murdering a professor because you had a disagreement on some concept designs is not an honorable reason. It would be embarrassing, actually.”

Grian puffed up his cheeks and took a deep breath, steeling himself as he quickly turned on his heel to start brisk walking to a random direction, “Walk,” he announced vaguely, but Pearl was quick to understand and she followed after the other at a slower pace.

Clearly, this wasn’t their first time being in this kind of situation. In a world where standards heighten with every year, every decade, and every fad and trends, designers like them need to get ready for all kinds of heavy rejection, criticism, and judgment. Same can be said for any person who studied and worked under anything visual.

Hopes and dreams were meant to stay as hopes and dreams.

If you even attempt to express those to the world without having the bravery to back it up, it would inevitably face destruction in the hands of the high expectations of the public, and soon enough you’d be left with nothing but an empty shell that has sacrificed it all because they believe in passion over standards.

To battle the frustrations and heavy emotions that came as a result from these sacrifices, Grian and Pearl have learned to make a habit of doing simple things like strolls and walks. Because if you physically tire yourself out, then you wouldn’t have the energy to even impulsively think of rebelling against the norms of society. 

And also because walks are nice. The campus gave them a lot of space to explore, so why not use it, right?

The pair found themselves strolling the halls of the building with Grian leading and Pearl calmly following behind. She didn’t make any attempts to catch up and walk beside the man because one cannot simply match an angry Grian’s pace. The shorter man had so much adrenaline from months upon months of suppressed anger that it was simply impossible to even walk with him properly without getting sore legs the next hour. 

Pearl could only thank whatever god is above for making Grian as loud as he is, “Too common, too tacky– Her face looks too common and her personality is too tacky!” now starts Grian’s monthly ranting session.

“When I try to follow the current trends, she says the design is too overused and plain. But when I try to actually make something unique, she thinks it’s too ambitious and gaudy! It’s like she’s never happy!”

The brunette behind him snorted, “Maybe she wants an equilibrium? Something that’s just right?” she offered, to which her friend rolled his eyes.

“Something just right? Who is she? Freakin’ Goldilocks?!” Grian screeched and ruffled his own hair in distress, slowing down a few steps as he kicked his feet in anger.

Although this kind of reaction would probably gain him some few worried looks, Pearl herself was already too used to this scene and she simply giggled in response, “Maybe she is, you never know.”

Grian sighed out a groan and crossed his arms. His energy slowly simmered down as he eventually slowed down enough to be walking beside Pearl, “How are you so calm about this? I would’ve thought you’d be angry walking with me, but instead you’re just…. Well, walking.”

Pearl grinned wide and puffed up her chest proudly, “Well, contrary to my experiences for the past few terms, things are actually looking up for me!” Grian raised an eyebrow at this, squinting his eyes at the other with either a suspicious look or a look of envy. Probably both.

He tried to act nonchalant about it, like he’s totally not yearning to say the same thing for himself, “All because you’ve got some inspiration, huh?” His question had a teasing edge, making Pearl bashfully laugh.

“Some is undermining it. Gem has been a great source of inspiration. It’s like I’m being spoon fed a new idea everyday,” Pearl boasted enthusiastically that even Grian couldn’t help but flash a smile, “Huh, good for you then. It’s nice that you’ve atleast rekindled any sort of happiness that Professor Goldilocks may have burnt out,” he snorted.

Silence settled for a while with Pearl glancing at Grian like she was trying to figure out what to say to him. She only finally spoke up what was brewing on her mind when he acknowledged her gaze with a tilt of his head.

“Why not get a muse of your own?”

Grian’s face scrunched up at that question, “Of my own?”

“Yeah.”

Grian gave it a thought and he shook his head, “With how I am? I’m better off continuing to do things alone,” he grumbled. 

He was already used to coming up with inspirations for himself on the spot. Because, unlike now, he was actually pretty passion-driven before, fueled with nothing but the dreams he’s held onto since he was young. It’s only unfortunate that he ran out of it because his professor was discouraging and hated everything he came up with, so he started living on thinking that everything he’s doing is inadequate, that he needs to improve his thinking before he could improve himself. It was a ‘he’ problem that he is more than capable of handling alone.

At least, that’s what he’s been persuading himself to think. But the more he thought about the idea of having a muse, the more appealing it sounded. 

Or maybe that was his loneliness speaking.

While Grian was having inner conflicts within himself, Pearl continued to spit out encouraging words herself, “I mean, it’s not like it won’t be worth it,” she nudged the shorter man with an elbow to gain his attention back to her, “We’d need to gather models for our finals anyway.”

The blonde blinked in confusion, “Finals?”

Pearl gave him a weird look, “Our finals, Grian. The one where we’d have to get models to personally show off our designs by the end of the term.”

His expression froze along with his thought process as his brain began to file through any memory regarding his final project.

When he did finally register everything, Grian stopped in his steps to facepalm with both hands, letting out his nth muffled groan that same hour, “I… actually forgot,” he admitted with a whine before releasing his face and staring at Pearl in panic.

The end of the term fashion show. It sounded so ridiculous that it completely slipped Grian’s mind that it would actually be a contributing factor to his grades.

“Where am I even gonna get a muse, much less a model?!” He squeaked out, now resorting to pacing around the empty hallway in circles with his hands tugging on his own locks in distress.

Pearl stood to the side and  couldn't even get a word in before Grian continued on with his monologue of panic, “I can’t just– Kneel and reach out for the sky and pray some god would hear my prayers!” He sounded manic.

The blonde stopped to stand at the ceiling to floor windows that decorated one side of the hallway, gesturing towards the sky through the said window in front of him, “Like, they can’t just drop down a beautiful being out of nowhere!”

As soon as he said that, his dark eyes looked down from the sky and unconsciously magnetized towards a figure outside on campus grounds, seemingly on the lookout for something.

Not that Grian was curious to know anything about what said figure was trying to do. All he knew at that moment was that they.... (I didn't finish this. Just imagine Scar just appeared lol)

[kaypeace21]

[The future of this BLOG]: SHOWS I'm planning on analyzing here & on YouTube

Interview with the vampire

Invincible

House of the dragon

The boys

Umbrella acadamy

Bridgerton probably (still haven't had time to watch part 2 yet)

stranger things: I have mixed feelings about reviewing it given what certain staff has said and done. I oscilate between wanting to review the final season or wanting to boycott it (especially as someone who has been part of the BDS movement for 1/2 her life). But, on one hand, It's not the fault of the underpaid (and talented) writers and staff who don't have these views. And I do believe some of the writing staff may have good intentions and want to give us a positive and powerful message to the audience about healing from childhood tr*uma. However, other members of the writing staff may just want to go down the stereotypical and popular-easy route. We'll just have to wait and see what happens in the last season. If I hear the ending isn't simply another re-hashing of prior seasons and it's more like s1-2 (without the cliches of s3-4). I'd be more inclined to review it by *cough* and watching it elsewhere. Once I was logged back on to tumblr: I did have a whole draft saved about my politics since I was a kid and why I still feel so strongly about such conflicts, today . But, I shouldn't make the topic about me- and I'm not sure anyone wants to hear my life story XD. So, the big point (to my followers) is regardless of whether I chose to watch it or boycot it-

I'm not deleting the old ST content: so do what you want with it (like, reblog, add details to reblogs I didn't notice). Have fun :D !

Analyzing ST certainly helped me improve in terms of media literacy (and it'll be beneficial for the future content I make). So even if it sometimes got messy here, I do appreciate all the positives the ST blog and followers brought to me.The kind words meant a lot. For those who want to unfollow me for my political beliefs , that's totally fine. That's your prerogative. For those who want to unfollow cause again ST was pretty much my whole blog: again I TOTALLY understand and I wish you the best :). I'm not going to judge, take away, or guilt anyone, for their choice of media they like. Enjoy it (I truly mean that).

For those who continue to follow my blog . I appreciate you SO MUCH! I've been gone from this blog for such a long time cause of school (and I appreciate those who stayed and were excited to see me again). The positive words meant a lot over the years. Everyone have a lovely day. Take care of yourselves.

Sincerely, Kay

ps: I'm open to other media suggestions too so you can drop them in my message box (recent films/ shows, mini/limited series, animation, heck i'm open to comedies and foreign media too).But, analyzing them will most likely be after the shows listed above .Right now I'm focusing on my national exam and my mental health. My first video will probably be in late August or early September. My test is August 20th. Hope everyone is doing well .I'm feeling much better mentally. Hope everyone is feeling the same way :)

for my 1st video I’ll just post it to youtube . But for other videos I may make a early access patreon (like a week before the next video comes out free on youtube). Have to google how all that works (or if there's better alternatives) . Totally fine if you can't afford it (you'll get to see it for free on youtube regardless :D) . I'll be honest . I'm primarily thinking of doing it cause I need to pay off those student loans and I'm trying to hopefully move out of state in a few years. Plus, I love analyzing media anyways (so making it a part time job would be a dream come true .

[gamergirl-niffler]

As everyone has been making requests, I think it's time for me to make one too! I kindly request some headcanons featuring either Douma or Dabi (I'll let you choose!) and a female reader who is initially very shy, but it turns out she possesses remarkable combat skills 💋

Of course, you had to squeeze into my inbox!

BUT OKAY! FINE!

Dabi & Douma x Shy fem!reader with remarkable combat skills

Douma

🧊 "D-Douma-dono? Are you sure?” you ask quietly.

🧊 Douma honestly finds you charming! You are cute, small and oh so shy, and, of course, pretty!

🧊 You are just a demon but there is so much more to you!

🧊 So of course he took you under his wings to take care of you.

🧊 "T-Thank you so much, Douma-dono!” you always thank him no matter what.

🧊 Your shyness is beyond him. He could never understand why you always hide behind him or stammer while addressing him or other Upper Moons.

🧊 You always act careful and quiet around him, blushing and mumbling more to yourself than to him.

🧊 It changed when he took you for a little walk in a moonlight, and the two of you came across a demon slayer who was a bit too sure of his skills.

🧊 Douma didn't even pull out his fans when you suddenly jumped into action.

🧊 He was honestly in deep shock, seeing what skillful demon you really are!

🧊 You moved like a beautiful dancer and your Blood Demon Art was just as magnificent to the point it actually took his breath away.

🧊 Pretty soon, you stand there, covered in slayer's blood.

🧊 "My my my! Look at you! Such a potential! Y/N, I would never expect such a thing from you! Wonderful!” He praised you while you seemed to return to your old self.

🧊 "Douma-dono! That's... That's nothing-really," you stammered as he approached you. "I-I just did what I had to."

🧊 Douma chuckled, cupping your cheeks. "And it was beautiful. You have a chance to even join the upper ranks!”

🧊 You just blinked, looking up at your master and suddenly your face went fully red as you couldn't handle all the praises. 

🧊  Douma still finds it cute, he is going to use it a lot against you in near future.

Kremator (jk! iykyk!)

Dabi

🔥 He finds you annoying.

🔥 You're supposed to be a villain? That's some kind of bad joke to him.

🔥 For him, you are just a mess, let's not forget, an annoying mess to be honest.

🔥 Each time you interact with him, you are blushing, babbling to the point of talking nonsense and stuttering, stumbling over your own words.

🔥 When Dabi snaps at you to finally make some sense, it only gets worse!

🔥 So he simply turns on his hill to walk away. He isn't in the mood to deal with that.

🔥 Others tell him that "she are just shy" as if it would change anything. Get a grip on yourself!

🔥 It all changes during one of the fights against heroes the two of you were part of.

🔥 Dabi is doing fine on his but others... They kinda fall behind. 

🔥 Then you step in and actually are useful for once!

🔥 The sight of you going against a hero twice your size like it would be nothing is something he never expected to see!

🔥 Always so quiet, yet now you are not only using your quirk but some combat abilities he would never even think you possess.

🔥 You are moving so quickly and smoothly like it would be your second nature.

🔥 And just like that, the hero is down and you stand in front of him like always, just with a slightly worried look. "D-Dabi... Are you o-okay?" 

🔥 Dabi chuckles and then pats your head, making you freeze and go red. "Good job, guess you aren't that useless. Good girl."

🔥 There you go again, stumbling over words as you try to thank him. "I... I j-just," you blush deeply. "I-it's nothing r-really," shaking your head you hide face in your palms in a poor attempt of covering your now fully red face.

🔥 It was kinda... Cute? You acted like a bunny.

🔥 "Let's go now. I am curious about what else you can do," he says. 

🔥 You nod eagerly and without a word follow him.

[writingjourney]

I Knew Nothing But Shadows pt. 11

Chapter 11: No Going Back

>> Click here to read! :)

Story Summary:

Curious circumstances and a questionable curse from your childhood led you to becoming the resident artist of the local Satanic Church – and a sinister night you’d truly rather forget. Years later, you’re presented with another chance at proving your artistic worth. Only this time, you’re kind of falling for the awkward anti-pope who sits for you and he is oddly interested in the intricacies of your past that you’re so desperately trying to hide. (18+, MDNI)

Chapter Summary:

The tension between you and Copia is getting hard to fight, just like your feelings for each other, and not even work, meetings or a persistent roommate can distract you.

Chapter Content: 12k words, implied past trauma/past wounds, body issues/scars, there is SMUT in here, a lot of it (oral m and f receiving, p in v, emotional sex, body worship), MDNI, 18+

SIDE NOTE: If you want to be tagged in chapters in the future pls let me know!! :)

So yeah I guess this is happening :D This chapter gave me a LOT of trouble, I hope you all like it. Please let me know what you think ♡ (Also I'm sorry if there's some typos still in the second half, I did not have the energy today to edit everything twice. I'll go over it again later and change what needs changing, I hope it's not too bad)

[urfavouritegirlie]

Hi! I don't know if you accept requests or not (it's cool if you don't!) But do you have any hc about Aaron discovering he has a daughter? Lol. And what would be Miles reaction. Okay, thank you. Bye :D

Hi Anon👋, I’m not really taking requests but I had to jump on this one. However I can't promise all future requests being answered quickly because I've got studies to focus on but I will try and do as best as I can. I feel like this request was made based on the headcannon I had made up. Absolutely love love love it and I'm happy to write it. Now let's get on with it shall we.

Oh and btw, He would be a Girl dad right. I can't see it any other way.

"Girl if you don't call this man now, I will track him myself."

"Ok I heard you, I'll call. Just in my own time. I promise I will call."

"Fine. Gotta go now but he's got to know now ok. You can't do this alone."

I mutter under my breath something she can't hear. "Psh yes I can."

Homegirl leaves and I'm stuck here with a phone number struggling to call it. It's been long. Will he even remember me? Why I am scared? I'm a grown woman for goodness sake, just do it.

"Fuck it."

------------------------------------------

Aaron arrives at his place at the early hours of a new day. However he just wants to collapse in bed and forget about yet another near death experience. All gear on the floor only left in boxers and bandages and dried up blood. He escaped gunshots but not the sharp end of the blade. A non life threatening gash on his arm and the side of his abdomen. Chugged a few pills and was ready to get knocked into sleep.

Not even five minutes into sleep, his phone vibrates on his night stand. Great another thing to do. He semi consciously picked the phone and answered without looking at the name id. Not that there was one.

"Hello," he answers. Not a word back. If these scam callers where trying him he was going to find whoever they were and end it there.

He kisses his teeth and no longer wanting to entertain whoever disrupted his not so deep sleep.

"Is this Aaron?" Hearing his name got him into defensive mode but relaxed a bit when it was from a feminine voice.

"Who'er you?"

The woman tells her name and it rings a faint bell in Aarons head. He's heard the name before. Where though?

"Do I know you?"

She seemed a bit hesitant to tell but she spit it out anyway after taking a deep breath. "We've hooked up a few times many months ago."

In his head he's thinking it's another chick wanting to see him again or wanting to move things further by being in a relationship with him. Makes it clear to them from the start that it's not like that at all then blocks them. It boosts his ego a little.

"Look, I thought I had made it clear that it was a two-three time thing then we don't talk anymore. I'm not looking for relationship or sum," he said immediately to clear any confusion.

"What? That's not it. I have something very important to tell you," she says.

Nothing could have prepared him for what she had to say next. She sounded nervous before she took a breath to speak.

"Well...... I ended up pregnant. I gave birth to a healthy baby. I found your number and called to let you know. Listen and listen carefully. If you want nothing to do with the baby, that is fine. I just thought you should know. I didn't say anything while I was pregnant because I was focusing on me and my baby and in case something might have happened. And I didn’t have it in me to get an abortion," she said so clearly and calmly.

He heard right? Oh he heard right. Was he too tired and drugged up to believe it or was this for real. She gives him the time to process the news. Once all her words were digested he asks…

“You sure it’s mine? How do you know it ain’t anyone else’s?” He asks confidently.

She takes some air in quickly as if being accused of whoring around. She wasn’t gonna let that slide.

“You’re that last person I slept with. Even then I wasn’t hoe. Never was, never will be ok. Look we were both careless. We didn’t use condoms but I was on birth control which ultimately proved that it’s not as effective as I thought it would be. I’m giving you the choice to come see the baby or to leave the matter completely.”

She was serious in her tone. So believable. Maybe it was the tiredness causing him not to think straight but…..

“Send me your address.”

------------------------------------------

I could not sit still. Walking back and forth trying to find something to do to distract me. It's still early morning, slight heavy rain falling and sliding from the top to the bottom of the window. The baby was ok, asleep in the bouncer, slowly rocking. I try to sit on the sofa but my leg just keeps bouncing, with the tv on but not my attention on it.

That dreaded call ended about an hour ago and by the sound of his voice, he was serious.

I flinch at the sound of the buzzer. “Hello?”

“It’s Aaron.”

With not many words I buzz him in. Now in a few moments things could go right or left. This is right, right? I gave him options. That's a good thing right? I definitely didn't want to be one of those women who don't let fathers see their child for no reason. Thoughts stop swirling when there is finally a knock on the door. No more time for hesitation but the doorway felt so far.

Aaron POV

I'm soaked from the rain. It took me being inside the apartment complex to realise. All this time it wasn't on my mind that it was pouring outside. There's an elevator but the stairs seem quicker. I skip a step each time until I'm in front of her door. No time to hesitate. I put my fist against the door to knock.

The door opens with her standing behind it. I most definitely remember now. I’ve been with her more times than I’d like to admit honestly. Can’t lie it was the best, not that I’d admit it to her face. Now seeing her, she has a glow that I hadn't seen before.

"Hi"

"Hi umm sorry bout being soaked, its raining like shit outside."

She gives a small laugh and tells me to come in. I remember I've been here before a couple times. Her place always smelt nice and looked clean. I take my jacket off and hang it by the door. I follow her down the short corridor to the living area. We both turn to the living room.

"Well. Here she is."

In the corner of the room, a baby swing with the smallest human possible as cute as can be a sleep, protected from world. I sit on the sofa before my legs give out. She said 'she'. A girl. I have a daughter. I hold my head in my hands. She sits next to me and put a hand on my leg to calm me down.

"I know it's a lot to process. Believe me. I had the same reaction when I found out I was pregnant. All the worries left when I first held her. It was instant love. Sorry I kept it from you."

"Nah I get it. Whats her name?"

"Her name is Tiana."

"Its a beautiful name."

I don't know what came over me but the need to protect her came out of nowhere. Protect her from every evil out there. It's crazy to think she is a part of me. But what about me? It on dawns me that I hold the role of prowler. Am I good enough for her? Am I strong enough to protect her? Am I man enough to be her father. Am I going to end up abandoning her like my father did? All these thoughts consuming me all at once.

"Would you like to hold her?"

I look at her and she has a reassuring smile encouraging me to hold her. "I don't know how."

"Neither did I but I learned."

She stands and walks over to this sleeping angel. She picks her up and walks up to me. I hadn't met Miles until he was a couple months old, so I have no experience in holding a newborn. I sit up and back and open my hands. She's so small. I don't think I've seen something so precious in my life. My hands are almost the same size as her.

"Don't be scared. Here, move your arm to support her neck and then your other hand holds the side."

She helps me hold her comfortably. With all this fuss she moves around waking from her sleep. Shit here it comes. Big brown eyes stare at me with a twinkle in them. We are both strangers to each other but she has to have trust in me and I never would dream of breaking that trust. A grown man like shouldn't be feeling emotional but here I am. She was right. It was love at first sight.

"She's so beautiful."

"I know right. Big eyes, a cute nose and a head full of hair. She got that part from me."

We both break out into a short laugh.

I hesitate to ask the following questing seeing as we are not together. "What's her last name?"

"I put mine and your last name together hyphenated. If you don't mind."

"It's nice."

We spend the rest of the day just talking, actually getting to know each other. She works as a nurse at a hospital, I told her I do engineering which isn't a lie. I use it as a cover up from what I do other times.

"I have a nephew, my older brothers son. His names Miles. He probably would wanna meet Tiana. Is that cool."

"I don't mind, it's cool she has cousin."

We met at a diner, we talked and it seemed like we were both after the same thing. No relationship but a stress relief. Semi strangers with benefits kinda thing. No personal questions and no feelings.

Looking at it now, that might change now that she had birthed my daughter. Speaking of her she starts stirring in my arms and looks like she's about to cry. Her lips quiver and starts crying. It's hasn't even been ten minutes and I've failed.

"She's probably just hungry. Let me feed her."

I slowly had her over to mom. All of a sudden she lifts the side of top and puts a boob in her mouth. This looks private so I look away to the whatever was playing to the tv. She starts laughing at me though.

"What? It's not like you've never seen them before."

True. I can't look at breasts the same. All this time they were just sexual thing to me but its not even like that. It's a personal connection between mother and child. I change the subject. I ask her how old Tiana is and she tells me only four days old.

"So you're fresh out the hospital then? Was it not hard?"

"It was hard. I couldn't drive because I was still sore from giving birth, so my friend drove me back home. She's been such a help these past few days. Cooking and cleaning for me but she does have a job and her own family to take care of."

"Hold on. Don't you only get a few weeks off work before you have to go back."

"Yeah. Around twelve weeks and then I have to go back to work. Some weeks are even unpaid."

"Well that's stupid."

"Tell me about it but hey, I didn't build the system. Here burp her."

She hands her to me then leaves.

"Where you goin. I don't know how to do this."

"Relax I'm just getting her cloth so she doesn't throw up on you"

She can back as fast as she left, put a pink cloth on my shoulder and move her to my shoulder.

"Just pat her back until she burps."

She gets up to leave and looks like she's heading into the kitchen.

"What you bout to do now."

"I'm a bout to cook. You've got her so I have the time to."

"Nah order some food. Get some rest."

Took some time going back and forth but she sat down. Same time as Tiana finally burps. I move to get my wallet and hand it over to her.

"You know you have a lot of faith in a stranger."

"Same stranger that birth our baby."

"Hilarious."

She orders some food. Time goes by and it eventually comes. We ate, talked. Looking outside, I realise time has gone by fast. Looks like it time me to leave. I get to lay her down back to sleep in her swing.

"Looks like I gotta go now."

"Oh umm thanks for stopping by and seeing her. You make a great father you know."

Her words struck me to my heart. I want to be the best dad to her. Better than my father ever was to me and Jeff.

"Come by anytime. Oh here's your card."

"You hold on to that."

I grab my jacket, say my last goodbyes to both of them but man I so don't wanna leave. I might come back tomorrow. I grab my phone and start calling.

"Hello?"

"Jeff. I need to talk to you."

"Talk."

"I have a daughter."

"That poor woman."

"Ay now ain't the time for games. Me and her we cool. Yeah we were irresponsible but I stepped up. Think about it, you're an uncle now."

"I've been an uncle. Rio has siblings that have children."

"On our side stupid. Anyway can I take Miles to see her tomorrow?"

------------------------------------------

*The next day*

Jeff has allowed Miles to come with me to see Tiana. But he doesn't know that. I'm trying to surprise his since he wanna keep asking questions talking bout 'how come I don't have a cousin on your side?'.

"So what spot are we painting today."

"We're not doing that."

"We've been walking for so long. Where are we going?"

"You'll see man, just be a little patient. Don't wanna ruin the surprise."

"Surprise!?"

We arrive at apartment complex. I ring up and I'm let inside. The confused looks on his face makes me just wanna laugh but I can't give it away. We get to the door, knock on it and wait.

"Hi guys, come in."

Miles walks shyly behind me until we turn the living room.

"Miles meet your baby cousin, Tiana."

The look on his face is just priceless. Ain't never seen him so confused. He looks at me then at her mother then at Tiana again.

"You have a daughter. Wait does that make you my auntie?"

"Umm well..."

"Yes it does. See I told you. All those questions bout 'how come I don't have an auntie'. Well you got one now."

"It's nice to meet you Miles. Your uncle has told me a lot about you."

He breaks into a nervous laugh. "Unfortunately I haven't heard about you but it's nice to meet you. So uhh how you guys meet?"

Silence

"That's not important. Here come hold her."

Needless to say besides Miles being so puzzled, he was so happy that he has a little cousin. Since then Miles had come to visit and see her many times after school and during the weekend and has seen her grow. Rio and Jeff came later on with gifts. Rio was beyond excited. Jeff was just as surprised as Miles.

"Your family is really nice, I like them a lot."

"Yeah. I've got a present for you too."

I take her down stair to the parking area. Her eyes could have popped out their sockets. Her mouth open so wide, you'd thing her jaw dislocated. In front of us a white Range.

"Oh my gosh Aaron wha- what's this?"

I dangle the keys infant of her and drop them in her hands.

"People call it a 'push present' if I'm correct. Oh and that card, spend it on our daughter."

"You are spoiling her to the core and she doesn't even know what money is."

"Only the best for my baby girl. Besides I wanna try this mom and dad thing. That's if you want to?"

"We could do that."

A/N - Honestly, I'm not to sure I did a really good job on this one I can't lie. I might have to reread it again like ten times and make tweaks to it. But let me know in the comments.

[serial-serializednovelreader]

Nova's Notes - North and South - Chapter 3

Last time we saw our heroine Margaret, she had just received word that Henry Lennox had come to call on her. Let's see how it goes!

So, she is excited to see Henry, as she has just been thinking about him and his promise. Margaret is a little surprised though, since he's supposed to be off with Edith and his brother on their honeymoon.

*record scratch* Hold up, he was accompanying them on their honeymoon??? I know right! And not just him, but his uncle as well? What kind of monster is he?

Well, five seconds ago, I would've agreed with you, but I was able to find this article that points to this being a fairly common practice in order to ease the woman into the marriage (not exactly an academic source, but the first one I found). So, he's not intruding or third-wheeling, but instead helping grow the marriage. What a nice guy, right? Well...avid readers of this will know I'm not Henry's biggest fan, and in the first few sentences he -- again -- says something that raises my hackles a bit.

“'Oh!' said he, more lightly, 'our young couple were playing such foolish pranks, running all sorts of risks, climbing this mountain, sailing on that lake, that I really thought they needed a Mentor to take care of them. And indeed they did: they were quite beyond my uncle’s management, and kept the old gentleman in a panic for sixteen hours out of the twenty-four. Indeed, when I once saw how unfit they were to be trusted alone, I thought it my duty not to leave them till I had seen them safely embarked at Plymouth.'”

Oh no, our couple has done the horrible problem of -- *checks notes* -- having fun on their honeymoon...? If their version of a "prank" is ditching their relatives to get some alone time -- uh, yeah, I would too!!! I mean, I guess I can see where he's coming from on some of these points if they truly are taking dangerous risks, but it honestly sounds like they're trying to sneak in some alone time here and doing fun couple activities together. It's not good that the uncle is panicking, but his brother is in the army. Surely he's prepared for things like mountain climbing and saying they're "unfit to be alone" is quite ridiculous. If he's worried about them doing...other kinds of activities while alone...I hate to tell him, but they're already married so that ship has sailed (literally). If he's truly worried about "danger," how is he -- a lawyer -- more prepared to face it than his brother who's in the army? (Not that lawyers can't face danger, considering Jonathan from Dracula is a lawyer and he just climbed a castle wall not too long ago, but that's a different book/genre lol). Also presenting himself as a "Mentor" (capital M) is HILARIOUS to me considering a) he's younger than at least one of them and b) mentor to what? Being married??? Henry???? He probably means climbing or sailing, but my version is funnier -- just saying.

I guess he might also be kidding about some of this, which is something I should have considered but didn't because I don't pick up well on social cues (I'm like Margaret in that way: we'll get there :D). So if he is kidding, sorry about that, but if I'm to take what he's saying at face value here, he just sounds like a nuisance to the couple. He says he's now "relieved of many responsibilities" but it just sounds like he put those responsibilities on himself.

He then gives her a note from Edith and she doesn't want to read it in front of him because she "half wish[ed] to read it alone and unwatched". I find this interesting that she has to make up an excuse to get away from him here, just to do so! Is it because Margaret doesn't feel comfortable reading letters in front of people in general, or because Henry specifically causes the discomfort? Gaskell doesn't elaborate, but I'll keep an eye out for if she feels comfortable enough to read a letter in front of anyone else in a future chapter, because either could be valid.

Henry begins to look around the room in "his scrutinizing way" and notices how "poor" the place looks, even when the light is hitting it, which should make it looks its best. Then he says this (with a sigh):

"'The living is evidently as small as she said. It seems strange, for the Beresfords belong to a good family.'”

Oh, no! You've just activated a red flag!!! This whole reply is a red flag, but I want to highlight the main problem area (in my opinion) -- the "as she said". What's the problem with this?

To me, this indicates he didn't listen to her when she told him how small her living was the first time around. He assumed she was downplaying it and would come back to find something more like Harley Street. I suppose that was the fashion back then -- to act of more humble means than you were -- but here's the thing: Margaret isn't like that. She says thing as they are and if he knew her as well as he thinks, he would've taken her words at face value. I know that just from three chapters of reading about her!! If he doesn't believe this one thing she says now, how is that going to work later if they foster a relationship (again, we're getting there)? I also just don't like that Henry is pulling a surprised Pikachu face here!!! And while I know good family = wealthy in this time period, still not a great thing to say. Like, hmm her family is poor that's weird :/. He's acting like he didn't get what he wanted for Christmas or something. Definitely not the reaction I would want from a potential partner.

Margaret, meanwhile, is dealing with a problemTM. Namely, her mother. Apparently she gets into moods where everything is an Issue and Henry is considered an Issue -- so, she refuses to see him. This is a dilemma, because Margaret had told Henry that her mamma would LOVE to meet him and will meet with him shortly. I may not know much about etiquette, but I know this is a snub if she refuses to meet with him now. Plus, her dad can't help because he was already in a bad mood (seems like something we'll unravel later) and Mrs. Hale made it worse by commenting *once again* on moving, which caused him to ask her to please stop speaking against the place. So yeah, this isn't going well!

Margaret "listen[s] patiently", but she has to figure things out somehow, so she pulls a problem-solving move. She proposes that after a quick meetup with Henry and her mom (as for it not to look weird), she and Henry can go out sketching, which will mean less interaction for her mother to worry about. Then, even though they only have cold meat for lunch, they can still make that work for the meal, since light food was usually expected at the midday meal (from what I could find -- correct me if I'm wrong) and Henry will expect it that way. That's when Mr. Hale will join them, having had enough time between 10:30 and 2:00 to compose himself.

I love seeing this side of her! We've already seen glimpses, but I think it's the first time we've truly seen her go into what I would call a "problem-solving mode". I would definitely add that to her list of qualities!

"He evidently expected to be asked to spend the day, and accepted the invitation with a glad readiness that made Mrs. Hale wish she could add something to the cold beef. He was pleased with everything; delighted with Margaret’s idea of going out sketching together; would not have Mr. Hale disturbed for the world, with the prospect of so soon meeting him at dinner."

I wonder if it's apparent to everyone involved Henry wants to be asked to stay the whole day, or if it's just Mrs. Hale? It makes sense that he wants to since he said he would be checking up on what Margaret does all day. I don't know much about calling hours or social etiquette in the Victorian era, but from what I could find, he's making a "morning call". Usually a man in this situation should leave after 20 minutes. However, he's family, so I believe this allots for staying a few hours, including dinner (again, correct me if I'm wrong -- I tried to find sources for this, but there wasn't much available for a morning call from family). Does it seem interesting how eager it is how "pleased" he is by everything just after he thought about how poor the family is? Yep! But we don't have time to unpack all of that just yet.

"'Now, please, just stop here for a minute or two,' said Margaret. 'These are the cottages that haunted me so during the rainy fortnight, reproaching me for not having sketched them.' 'Before they tumbled down and were no more seen. Truly, if they are to be sketched—and they are very picturesque—we had better not put it off till next year. But where shall we sit?' 'Oh! You might have come straight from chambers in the Temple, instead of having been two months in the Highlands! Look at this beautiful trunk of a tree, which the woodcutters have left just in the right place for the light. I will put my plaid over it, and it will be a regular forest throne.' 'With your feet in that puddle for a regal footstool! Stay, I will move, and then you can come nearer this way. Who lives in these cottages?'”

I feel like this conversation parallels their awkward interaction from chapter one, though now the shoe is on the other foot. And by "shoe", I mean the whole "shutting down the conversation" thing. To be fair, this is probably Henry joking and being lighthearted, but again -- I'm having trouble reading it that way. She's trying to sketch two cottages that she thinks are pretty, but he's kind of mocking them for how decrepit they look. Fair, I guess, but the fact that she chooses to mock him by saying he's "come staight from chambers in the Temple" (which I believe is a reference to the Temple in Jerusalem and to me, signals she's mocking his loftiness) says she's not entirely happy with this either. Plus, yeah, he just spent time in the Highlands, shouldn't he be used to forest by now? And when she wants to make a "throne" out of a tree stump, he comments on the puddle on the ground. Chivalrous to ask her to get out of the way, but he's not playing along with her game of pretend like he seemed to want her to in chapter 1. I wonder what's up with that? Or maybe I'm reading this all wrong and they're both enjoying this banter -- I don't know, it's really hard for me to tell!! Keep in mind, I'm biased and don't really like Henry, so everything he says annoys me. It's a problem I'll try to work on 😂😂

She goes to talk to one of the men at the cottages, and Henry quickly takes his opportunity to add her to his sketch. Afterwards, she notices and comments on it. He replies:

“'It was irresistible. You can’t know how strong a temptation it was. I hardly dare tell you how much I shall like this sketch.' He was not quite sure whether she heard this latter sentence before she went to the brook to wash her palette. She came back rather flushed, but looking perfectly innocent and unconscious. He was glad of it, for the speech had slipped from him unawares—a rare thing in the case of a man who premeditated his actions so much as Henry Lennox."

I will admit, this is rather cute: him taking the opportunity to sketch her and then saying something without thought! It's a sweet moment and I think I would like the two of them together if they had more moments like this.

When they return back, both Mr. and Mrs. Hale are in much better spirits. Margaret sees her father and while she stresses that he's put aside his worries (they're not taken care of), she can't hide her pride at seeing him because he's always able to impress other people! What a sweetheart, love her for that.

Mr. Hale sees their sketches and when Mr. Hale sees the one Henry drew, Henry comments this:

“'I should say that a likeness you very much wish to take you would always succeed in,' said Mr. Lennox. 'I have great faith in the power of will. I think myself I have succeeded pretty well in yours.'”

I may not read social cues well, but this one I do get: I like you and want to draw you well. However, I know that because I've picked up on it after seeing Henry's inner thoughts. I'm not so surprised she doesn't get it because, as we'll see later in the chapter, she doesn't see him that way. So this compliment -- while nice -- wouldn't mean to her what he's trying to communicate. Why is this important for me to emphasize? Well, listen to what this guy says next:

“"A regular London girl would understand the implied meaning of that speech,' thought Mr. Lennox. 'She would be up to looking through every speech that a young man made her for the arrière-pensée of a compliment. But I don’t believe Margaret,'"

Lol, lmao even. HENRY, buddy, we've been over this -- you should know her better than this by now. I'm not trying to pull a "she's not like other girls" thing, but you started it. She doesn't have the same communication style as the "regular London girl[s]" you're thinking of! If you want to communicate something, you're going to have to be more blunt.

Also, if we continue with my thread of Margaret being neurodivergent-coded (and Henry being neurotypical-coded), this comment is something a lot of NTs often get frustrated by: that NDs don't pick up on the nuances of their interactions. This comment right here really cements this dynamic for me.

To me, it’s understandable she wouldn't pick up on this being flirting because it's subtle to begin with and ND people often have trouble picking up on social cues like this. I do find it interesting how he also expects her to be picking apart his speeches for compliments. Also "arrière-pensée" means "a concealed thought" or "ulterior motive", by the way!

Quick note: the quote is cut off deliberately like that for a reason, he doesn't finish his thought.

Luckily (or unluckily, depending on your view), he decides to try a different tactic. She has been gathering roses to "adorn her morning gown for dinner" and he takes this opportunity to help her with some she can't reach (relatable!) and puts a couple in his button-hole. While this isn't exactly a declaration of love, I do think this is another sweet moment. This could almost be a better show of affection than words for some.

Dinner is a very nice affair, with everyone talking very agreeably, enough so to make Henry forget his feeling of "disappointment" of Margaret's living being so small. Like she had told him. Ugh.

However, there comes a bit of a hitch when dessert comes around. Mr. Hale becomes fixated on the idea of dessert -- which must be pears from the garden. However, they already have dessert served behind him: biscuits with marmalade. Mrs. Hale worries that this pear idea will make their life seem "impromptu" and dessert "unusual" (which will not shine a good light on their living situation, I imagine).

Henry actually steps up with a solution this time: they should eat pears in the garden in order to give them the full experience. Though Mrs. Hale doesn't quite like this idea (she wants to end dinner the ceremonious way), Mr. Hale doesn't give her time to argue: he simply gets up. This shows me that Mr. Hale is probably still not in the best of moods, and likely put out with her as well for what she said in the morning. Either that, or he's so absorbed by his own worries that he isn't thinking of hers. Eep, not good.

So Mr. Hale, Henry and Margaret go out into the garden to enjoy some pears. While Mr. Hale grabs the ripest pear (to get over his anxieties -- relatable), Henry makes eyes at Margaret 👁️👁️. He then takes her to stroll while Mr. Hale sits on the garden bench. Oh no! What can this mean? Well, for Margaret, she just thinks this is a friendly chat. Hmm....

He immediately starts by idealizing her country life and scorning his "city life" (comparing himself to a Cockney), ending with insinuating he would want to live here as his "reward" for all of his hard lawyer work.

She replies by shutting down the fantasy (lol), that the beauty he sees isn't always there and besides, didn't he mock her village before and call it out of a tale? Once she makes it clear she saw it as disrespectful, he "warmly" states he'll never do it again.

I do like that she's comfortable enough with him to feel able to tell him she felt disrespected by his words: that's a good sign, at least. And while he doesn't exactly apologize, he does back down once he realizes this was genuinely negative to her. Gotta take our wins where we can!

""I could almost wish, Margaret——' he stopped and hesitated. It was so unusual for the fluent lawyer to hesitate that Margaret looked up at him, in a little state of questioning wonder; but in an instant—from what about him she could not tell—she wished herself back with her mother—her father—anywhere away from him, for she was sure he was going to say something to which she should not know what to reply. In another moment the strong pride that was in her came to conquer her sudden agitation, which she hoped he had not perceived. Of course she could answer, and answer the right thing; and it was poor and despicable of her to shrink from hearing any speech, as if she had not power to put an end to it with her high maidenly dignity."

I love this passage for so many reasons. For one thing, it has that relatable feeling one gets when you have that one guy friend who hits you with the "I have to tell you something..." and even when you don't know what they're going to say, you also know what's happening...

But I love that she has that scared moment and then she's like -- wait a minute? This is me -- Margaret Hale -- we're talking about and I will say what I want and it will be right because I make it so. I will not shrink from any speech coming my way and if I have to, will put an end to it with my high 👏 maidenly 👏 dignity 👏 . What an ABSOLUTE QUEEN FOR THAT!!!!! I aspire to be like her; why wasn't I told what an absolute girl boss of a role model this fictional character was? And I don't just mean like before I read this (I was given some notice), I mean like why isn't she given more love in pop culture just for this passage alone? (I could speculate why, but I don't want to get sad about that lol). If I didn't already love her, this right here would've made me love her. This passage is definitely something I will be remembering when I feel anxious about difficult conversations! Just, WOW, chef's kiss.

Forgive me, it's going to be a lot of passages from here on out, but I really want to analyze the exact wording here.

"'Margaret,' said he, taking her by surprise, and getting sudden possession of her hand, so that she was forced to stand still and listen, despising herself for the fluttering at her heart all the time; 'Margaret, I wish you did not like Helstone so much—did not seem so perfectly calm and happy here. I have been hoping for these three months past to find you regretting London—and London friends, a little—enough to make you listen more kindly' (for she was quietly, but firmly, striving to extricate her hand from his grasp) 'to one who has not much to offer, it is true—nothing but prospects in the future—but who does love you, Margaret, almost in spite of himself. Margaret, have I startled you too much? Speak!' For he saw her lips quivering almost as if she were going to cry."

Okaaaaaay, that escalated VERY quickly -- Margaret didn't even get time to put a stop to it!!! I can't blame her, he's not giving her the chance to speak. So, the fact that he grabs her hand so she's "forced to stand still and listen"? Yikes. Her heart is "fluttering" and she hates herself for it? Also yikes because I doubt it's fluttering from liking him. I could be wrong, but I'm like 99.9% sure her heart is like that out of nerves.

Not to mention his speech: Henry starts off by being upset she likes Helstone and seems happy there -- you know, the place where her parents are??? Her hometown???? The place he just yapped on and on about being the best place ever and seemed like a reward to him? What happened to that? Swift 180 turn to me. Oh, and let's not forget he doesn't like seeing her calm and happy -- uhhhh...ok?

Now I know what he's trying to say here: he doesn't like seeing her happy here in Helstone because he wants her to be so miserable that she'll want to come back to London (and be with him). If she's miserable, it'll show she cares for him. Here's the problems I have with that logic:

Who's to say she doesn't miss her friends and she's just hiding it? Some people are better at hiding their grief than others.

Margaret is a very "live in the present" type of person; it's not that she doesn't miss Harley Street, but tends to just kind of live in the moment. Him not realizing that -- or wanting her to be miserable despite knowing that -- shows that he probably doesn't know her or care for her as much as he says he does a couple of sentences later.

She hasn't lived with her parents for years and spent most of her childhood without them being a large part of her life (I'm assuming from the limited text we have). Why doesn't she have the right to be calm and happy while living with them? It's pretty understandable she would be more happy with them because if anything *they're* the ones she was probably "more miserable" without. I'm sure she was fine at Harley Street, but she really seems to love her parents and her first night at Harley Street as a child seemed difficult: I'm not surprised she's happy at Helstone! This guy has some audacity to be like "aren't you miserable without me though 🥺" when like -- SHE'S VISITING HER PARENTS???!!?!?! It's been three months, calm down dude.

Let's imagine a world where Henry's completely right (a world I'm glad we don't live in, personally) and she's totally miserable because -- oh, Henry's not at Helstone 🥺💔. Even so, when you visit your friends/crush/whatever that you've missed and you haven't seen for a while, do you act miserable and talk constantly about how much you miss them? I mean, I don't! I usually try to keep up appearances if I am sad, but I actually almost always brighten up around the person I'm with because they make my day better. I get excited and in my element; to the outside person, you'd never know I'd be totally upset when they left because that's how happy I am! Of course, I'd say I miss them or whatever, but I wouldn't make a scene like he seems to want her to.

Going off of that, if you truly cared for someone, wouldn't you want them to be happy? Like he tells her he loves her but starts off his whole speech before he gets to that point with "I wish you were less happy and more miserable because that means you'd miss me and give me a chance" and that's...I don't even know what to say to that. I didn't think you could get worse than Mr. Collins or Mr. Darcy's failed proposals, but I think that beats it. In Mr. Collins's case, at least he starts off with compliments (though they're backhanded and he doesn't really mean them, lol) and at least with Mr. Darcy, he starts off with "I love you" and lists the reasons before he starts insulting her family!!! I guess it's a "pick your poison" thing, but seriously, what a way to start off a love confession speech/proposal.

Then -- and this is what really gets me here -- he notices her trying to get him to release her arm: another sign she's not enjoying this. Now, she's doing this in a quiet but firm way, not wanting to make a scene -- but not backing down, either. Instead of doing the decent person thing and letting her hand go, he keeps his grip and tells her to listen more "kindly". He takes this as yet another sign she didn't "miss him enough" and WOW. Um...I don't have much to say to this; I think it speaks for itself. I will say, everytime I read it I'm filled with an immeasurable amount of rage, if that tells you anything.

He also ends his very touching and heartfelt speech (/s) with saying that he loves her "almost in spite of himself". Aaaaand we're back to Mr. Darcy with his whole "yeah your family is below me and an insult to the human race and I actually wish I could stop thinking about you but in spite of all of that I love you whoops". I think he means this in more of a "I'm not a feelings person, so for me to be in love with you is a big deal" (we'll get to that speech of his soon), but it still comes across wrong to me. If you're going to say that, please clarify what you mean!!!

And THEN -- as if that's not bad enough -- he sees her lips quivering as if she's going to cry and after asking if she's startled (not the emotion I'd be asking after, but ok), he commands her to speak. As someone who gets overwhelmed easily, I would actually hate someone doing that to me!

And if we continue the thread of Margaret being ND, what if she's not able to speak because she's too overstimulated from whatever the heck that just was? I know she just hyped herself up -- and that's amazing, don't get me wrong -- but it could very well be difficult for her to communicate using spoken language and the fact that he wants her to speak right now is a bit reminiscent of how NTs will often force NDs to "act neurotypical" in difficult situations (e.g. "make eye contact, speak on this" etc.) and it's heartbreaking to read using this lens.

Even if we don't read it in that vein, who sees someone about to cry and goes "Speak!"? Get a grip, man.

"She made a strong effort to be calm; she would not speak till she had succeeded in mastering her voice, and then she said: 'I was startled. I did not know that you cared for me in that way. I have always thought of you as a friend; and, please, I would rather go on thinking of you so. I don’t like to be spoken to as you have been doing. I cannot answer you as you want me to do, and yet I should feel so sorry if I vexed you.'”

I feel for her here: I’m glad she takes a moment to be calm, but I imagine it must cost a lot of emotional effort to do so. If I were in her shoes, I don’t even know if I could manage it!

Also, her speech itself is a masteclass in kind — but firm — rejection, in my opinion. Notice how she answers his last question first: that yes, she was startled. That is easiest to answer, so she focuses on it. Then, she expounds on it by letting him know she wasn’t aware of his deep feelings, which caused her to be startled.

That’s when the boundary-setting starts! She sets two of them: in order to “keep thinking of him as a friend”, he will need to discontinue his advances and then she states she doesn’t like the way he has been speaking to her — aka, all of the ways he just offended her in that last paragraph? Stop it immediately.

She ends it by affirming that she cannot give him the answers he desires, but does not want to “vex” him. Just to be sure I was reading her meaning correctly, I looked up the meaning of vexed:

“to bring trouble, distress, or agitation to”

So, she’s worried about troubling him. Yes, distress is in there too, but I think it’s interesting she uses that word to describe how he will take her not returning his feelings. Historically, women do have to worry about how men will react to them not returning feelings -- sometimes to an extreme degree -- and it can feel as if it’s more of a case of them being troubled/agitated rather than distressed. I can’t speak for everyone of course, but it sucks that women have to feel so responsible for men’s happiness to the point of saying “sorry for the trouble” if the feelings aren’t returned! (And yes, I know this issue can happen regardless of gender, but I’m focusing on this dynamic since that’s how it appears here.)

So, how does Henry react? Does he reassure her that he isn’t entitled to her feelings? Asks for space to deal with his own emotions, perhaps? Nope!

“‘Margaret,’ said he, looking into her eyes, which met his with their open, straight look, expressive of the utmost good faith and reluctance to give pain, ‘Do you’—he was going to say—‘love any one else?’ But it seemed as if this question would be an insult to the pure serenity of those eyes. ‘Forgive me! I have been too abrupt. I am punished. Only let me hope. Give me the poor comfort of telling me you have never seen any one whom you could——‘ Again a pause. He could not end his sentence. Margaret reproached herself acutely as the cause of his distress.’”

It’s interesting to me that Henry decides not to ask if she loves anyone else because he doesn’t want to insult “pure serenity” of her eyes. Some may call this nice, I call this asking for a punch in the face. It rides a bit too close to the “purity culture” line for me and I don’t like it. It seems as if Henry thinks she has too much good faith to ever be “unfaithful” to him by even entertaining the thought of someone else. Perhaps I’m wrong, but this is how it reads to me.

Then he asks for forgiveness and says he’s been too abrupt (ok, good start) but says he’s punished. Punished how? Punished for what? If you mean she’s punishing you for speaking to her a certain way by not returning feelings — just NO. That’s not what’s happening here!!!! She doesn’t return your feelings because she doesn’t like you, just accept it.

That’s when Henry really drops the hammer of “can you give me hope and return my feelings one day 🥺” which — oh, boy. On one hand, I can feel for him here, but it’s strange to me that he also wants her to promise that she’s never seen anyone that has caught her fancy. It’s a very “if I can’t have you, no one can” mentality. It even causes Margaret to get mad at herself for “causing” him to be so upset — which, again, he is not entitled to her feelings and she is not responsible for his happiness.

“‘Ah! if you had but never got this fancy into your head! It was such a pleasure to think of you as a friend.’

‘But I may hope, may I not, Margaret, that some time you will think of me as a lover? Not yet, I see—there is no hurry—but some time——‘

She was silent for a minute or two, trying to discover the truth as it was in her own heart, before replying, then she said:

‘I have never thought of—you, but as a friend. I like to think of you so; but I am sure I could never think of you as anything else. Pray let us both forget that all this” (“disagreeable,” she was going to say, but stopped short) ‘conversation has taken place.’”

Ok, so I’m going to take Henry’s side for just a second on this — hear me out. I think it’s a little mean for her to call his feelings just a “fancy” as if he thought of it one day and, on a lark, decided to confess his feelings. I don’t think that’s fair of her to say to him. You can’t help your feelings and it’s not entirely fair of her to expect him to keep it bottled up inside. While his confession speech has been pretty abysmal (sorry it’s true), I don’t blame him for having those feelings, just the way they’re expressed.

On the other hand, I’ve been in Margaret's exact same situation and have almost wanted to say the exact same thing! Like “we had such a good thing going and this came out of nowhere; what’s up with that?” I didn’t though, because I realize that’s kind of invalidating to hear. I also think that’s her being blunt and not filtering her thoughts, which is understandable given the heightened emotions (and even more so, if we read it in the lens of her being ND).

Henry insists on the point of her being able to love him romantically sometime in the future, to which she has to think about. I’m glad she actually takes the time to examine her own feelings before answering. She already knows the answer, but it’s good to be sure and honestly give it some thought.

That’s when she drops a hammer of her own: she has only thought of him as a friend, does so now, and is certain she can only do so in the future. She also wants to set this conversation behind them — almost calling it disagreeable in the process. She stops herself short, but I believe she makes a face or something in her demeanor registers it as such, because Henry picks up on it. Again, she’s being blunt, but this time she’s able to catch herself and spare his feelings a little.

“He paused before he replied. Then, in his habitual coldness of tone, he answered:

‘Of course, as your feelings are so decided, and as this conversation has been so evidently unpleasant to you, it had better not be remembered. That is all very fine in theory, that plan of forgetting whatever is painful, but it will be somewhat difficult for me, at least, to carry it into execution.’”

It’s telling that he becomes cold once he realizes she’s serious about staying friends forever. It’s sad that this 180 degree turn from Henry is still so relatable in today’s age! He does agree to her wishes, albeit reluctantly due to it being difficult for him. This I can understand; once you confess your feelings for someone and are subsequently rejected, it's a bit hard to just "forget" the entire conversation and go back to normal. Unfortunately, that's the consequence you have to face if you're going to confess to your friend like that; I think he was just so confident she'd return his feelings, he assumed this wouldn't happen.

“'You are vexed,' said she, sadly; “yet how can I help it?' She looked so truly grieved as she said this, that he struggled for a moment with his real disappointment, and then answered more cheerfully, but still with a little hardness in his tone: 'You should make allowances for the mortification, not only of a lover, Margaret, but of a man not given to romance in general—prudent, worldly, as some people call me—who has been carried out of his usual habits by the force of a passion—well, we will say no more of that; but in the one outlet which he has formed for the deeper and better feelings of his nature, he meets with rejection and repulse. I shall have to console myself with scorning my own folly. A struggling barrister to think of matrimony!'”

Her grief does cause him to realize that he needs to stop making her feel bad about this -- or, at least, broadcast a facade of good cheer -- if they're going to have any hope of keeping the friendship. After all, they're still in Helstone's garden with Margaret's dad not too far off!!!

However, he's not able to cover up his "disappointment" entirely and it shows as "hardness in his tone". He doesn't apologize for giving her grief, but instead asks her to make "allowances" for him. I don't like this for a lot of reasons (why does she have to make allowances for you when you don't seem to give the same respect back?), but what's even worse is that he says one of those allowances should be "for the mortification...of a lover..." UM??? If I’m reading this right, he wants her to allow for him feeling like he was her lover and now having to deal with her rejection of romance. Henry, let me break it down for you: you were never her lover -- ever. If you felt like her lover, that is your issue, not hers, to deal with. The fact that you're admitting that aloud is appalling and the fact you want her to allow for that problem is even worse. It’s almost like he kept up a pretense of friendship and all the while imagining they were lovers. That’s so weird!!! And again, remains relatable (unfortunately).

The other allowance, which I mentioned earlier, is that he’s not a big “feelings” person and since he got carried away by his passions, she should understand why he feels crushed that the one time he’s swept off his feet by romance, the feelings are not returned. I hate to tell you, Henry, but just because you’re more “worldly” than the rest of us doesn’t mean you’re going to get a girlfriend faster: just a pro tip!

Both of these allowances are quite silly, in my opinion. Yeah, so you have a crush for the first time and you thought of her as your girlfriend and the feelings weren’t mutual. What is she supposed to do, give you a cookie? I’m being facetious, of course, I know what he’s actually hoping is for her to change her mind and be like “I had no idea I was your first crush 🥺 wow, since I’m so special to you, of course I’ll court you!!! 😍❤️” which — ugh. I want to say he doesn’t understand how women work, but I’m hard-pressed to see how this would work on anyone!! Maybe in his head it would work on one of those “regular London girls” (which I’m beginning to think is just a made up notion in his head of women anyway), but I’ve said that Margaret is not one of those women (if they do exist) and never will be. The fact that he thinks he can make her be one or she will become one in time is concerning: what would he be like if they did court? Would she be expected to change for him? Or even if he does like her as is, would she be expected to “act differently” in front of his friends and other relatives? Again, reading this in a NT/ND lens really adds another layer of meaning to how this would affect Margaret’s mental health in the long term.

He ends this by saying he’ll have to “console himself by scorning his own folly” and scoffing at the idea of a struggling man in his job thinking of marriage. First of all, she has literally said nothing about your profession — you brought that up briefly before in your confession (I didn’t mention it because I didn’t have anything to say on it) — but she never said “I’m not going to court you because you’re a lawyer struggling to make ends meet”. Of course, you’re going to think that because it’s easier to think of her as shallow (only after men for their current money) and the “problem” as something you can fix (he can fix a money issue, can’t fix her thoughts of him being a friend), but really: how in denial can you be?

Secondly, this is the first time he’s brought up marriage. Of course, in the Victorian age that’s where courtships were supposed to lead, but still. It’s interesting that he waited until now to drop that last bit in; it almost seems like a last-ditch lament to be like “woe is me! How could I think anyone would ever marry me 🥺💔” which would pull at the heartstrings. Of course, I’m likely reading too much into this because I’m reading it in the tone of him doing anything to try to get her to court/marry him, even using manipulation and guilt tactics to do so. Is it likely he’s just upset and saying whatever comes to mind? Sure. But some people will do anything to get their way and so far he hasn’t shown himself to be very graceful in dealing with rejection.

“Margaret could not answer this. The whole tone of it annoyed her. It seemed to touch on and call out all the points of difference which had often repelled her in him; while yet he was the pleasantest man, the most sympathising friend, the person of all others who understood her best in Harley Street. She felt a tinge of contempt mingle itself with her pain at having refused him. Her beautiful lip curled in a slight disdain.”

I suppose I’m not the only one getting bad vibes from this last speech. Margaret sees the worst parts of him — the little things that had always bothered her about him — and while she still feels bad about hurting him, she can’t help but visibly show “disdain” for the way he’s talking to her now.

Suddenly, they come upon Mr. Hale and Margaret feels as if she's had an out-of-body experience, comparing it to an Eastern tale of a king who went through an experience of a lifetime just by dipping his head in a magical basin of water. In other words, she is not the same as she was when she last saw her father!

Of course, due to the amount of emotions with everything that has just taken place, she is quite unable to speak and lets Henry and her father do most of the talking. Henry notices her quiet and morose look and:

“"I am not so indifferent to her as she believes,' thought he to himself. 'I do not give up hope."”

Oh...oh no. Henry, literally just accept the no. She told you no -- JUST ACCEPT THE -- ok, I need to calm down. This man is fictional. The problem is there are men -- nay, people -- who think like this. Who will hear a "no" and then see the person's face and have such a cognitive dissonance IN THEIR BRAIN that they're like "nah, they actually totally want me, THEY just can't see the truth yet." As if they know better.

It's really hilarious Henry thinks he knows Margaret's thoughts and feelings better than *she* does considering he doesn't even know how to talk to her without her shutting him down because he accidentally disrespected her small town (rhyme not intended but a pleasant surprise). How does he think a relationship with a foundation like that? I realize they are good friends and get along in other ways, but it is sooooo telling to me that the *second* he flirts, she either becomes uncomfortable or straight up doesn't get it (or pretends not to, depending on how you read it). How could they be married like that??

So yeah, unfortunately, Margaret is not even allowed to look sad without Henry jumping on the chance that she'll want him someday. I'm almost 100% sure this would've happened regardless of the facial expression she had. Happy (from trying to keep up a cheerful facade)? "Oh, she's actually super happy I confessed my feelings and will love me soon, just watch." Mad? "She's actually mad at herself for refusing me." Confused? "She doesn't know what she wants, she'll choose me eventually." That's just the kind of person we're dealing with here.

"Before a quarter of an hour was over, he had fallen into a way of conversing with quiet sarcasm; speaking of life in London and life in the country, as if he were conscious of his second mocking self, and afraid of his own satire."

Ok, so this passage is really hard to decipher for me and I might need some help figuring ot out! From what I'm able to gather, he's mainly mocking both the country and London, but maybe in also a self-depricating way as well (this is the main part I'm stuck on)? What I do understand is why he's doing this; Henry is a man who's default is to mock and be sarcastic. It's his coping mechanism for when things get too "real". We haven't seen him be as such yet because he hasn't needed to be around Margaret. However, now that he's been thrown off by her rejection, his way of dealing with it is to slip back into empty sarcasm.

Mr. Hale notices this change and is quite put off by it, even being relieved when he has to leave. He notes the change from the "lighter, clever, more worldly man" he saw earlier and at the wedding breakfast. It's interesting how a lot of people tend to use sarcasm to seem more clever and worldy, but Gaskell sees through this and contrasts them as opposites in this chapter! What a callout! She's so real for that.

At the last moment, Henry Lennox’s real self broke through the crust. “Margaret, don’t despise me; I have a heart, notwithstanding all this good-for-nothing way of talking. As a proof of it, I believe I love you more than ever—if I do not hate you—for the disdain with which you have listened to me during this last half-hour. Good-bye, Margaret—Margaret!”

First of all, describing the weird sarcasm thing he was doing as a "crust" is funny and interesting to me -- I didn't know that could mean "harsh" or "surly": the more you know! Secondly, love that he calls out his own coping mechanism while still having done it -- progress, I guess? And third -- best of all -- Henry, my guy, my dude, why on earth would you tell her you love her while also saying you might hate her because she hasn't been happy with you for the past 30 minutes???? I am truly baffled. Has this man ever wooed a woman in his life? For the sake of the female population, I truly hope not because if THIS is how he does it -- YIKES!!!! Luckily, he probably hasn't considering his whole "i'M a lAwYeR wHo dOeSnT hAvE bIg rOmAnCe fEeLiNgS" speech.

And that's the way the chapter ends, so I'll end with a couple of points I want to make clear.

I know I've been super hard on Henry and -- to be fair -- I think he's deserved some of it. But I don't think he's a bad person. So far, Gaskell has written all of her characters with a complexity and depth that shows you're supposed to root for these characters (more or less), while also understanding their flaws. There were times I pointed out when Margaret wasn't at her best either; while she isn't entitled to return Henry's feelings, she was sort of trivializing them and I wouldn't like that either. I think the problem with Henry is that he's used to getting what he wants and when he doesn't get it, he gets upset and lashes out the way he did with Margaret. I do honestly think he needs to work on himself and not think of romance right now because it sounds like he has deeper problems going on; if Margaret's rejection causes him to act like this, it's not just her rejection that's bothering him. I noticed that he talked about how he's currently struggling in his job and I think that can also account for him getting upset -- perhaps he had hoped for this to be a "good thing" to focus on instead of his work that isn't going well. I'm glad Margaret didn't return his feelings in that case because having one person the sole source of your happiness is never healthy and running away from your problems won't fix them! So yes, while I'm hard on him I do still think he has good moments and can be better: we're just seeing him at his worst. Still, that doesn't excuse his behavior, just explains it.

I also want to clarify for those who think I'm being too harsh on Henry and am doing so because I "don't understand what it's like to be rejected romantically". As a quick personal aside: I've been on his side of a romantic confession and was also rejected by someone who was my friend. And it hurt -- badly. Especially because there were many "signs" I read too much into as romantic (flirting, holding hands, etc.) so said rejection was not what I saw coming, much like Henry. However, when I realized that this person only saw me as a friend and wanted to keep it that way, I immediately told them "ok, I understand" and then took some time to myself to sort through my feelings. These were mainly embarrasment, shame, sorrow, and anger -- not at the person, but at myself for potentially ruining the friendship over this.

My main problem with Henry is that he reacts to Margaret's rejection with disappointment, anger, frustration, and hurt. These don't seem like the kind of emotions that come with an unselfish love, I hate to say it. I know there is likely more feelings bubbling beneath the surface, but if he's going to react that way and realizes he's hurting her in the process (which he does), he should ask for space while he sorts himself out. I get that wasn't "the thing" back then so I guess it's a bit harder for me to say "oh, Henry should've just left!" when no, he can't just abruptly leave like that and "oh, Henry should just work on his mental health" when that was very much not talked of. I'm just trying to think of ways he could've better handled this situation; he can't help his feelings, but he can help how he acts on those feelings. And it's not fair to Margaret to continually pressure her into a relationship she so obviously does not want. Additionally, the way he makes his confession/proposal frustrates me too because he mainly makes it about himself and his feelings. He wishes she wasn't happy at Helstone, he loves her, he's not a romantic person so it's a big deal for him. I mean, he doesn't even talk about her good qualities or what he likes about her: even Mr. "and what excellent boiled potatoes" Collins did that!!!!!

As a final note, if you're reading Dracula Daily at the same time as North and South Weekly, you may have noticed a few parallels between this failed proposal and Jack Seward's failed proposal. I want to dive into them and why I respect Seward's more than Lennox's, but I don't want to do it here because this post might be my longest to date and I'd rather make it a separate post anyway!

So yeah, another great chapter, excited to see what happens next week!

[theoutcastrogue]

The Ravening War: Raphaniel's Leviathan

Raphaniel reminds me VERY much of a character I once made for the explicit purpose of roleplaying something I loathe. I said, what's a real life philosophy that would make sense in a d&d setting and that I hate? Ooh, I know, Hobbes in the context of the English Civil War. I'll play a champion of that then. But I won't make it a caricature, the point isn't to build a strawman and bash it (that's way too easy to be satisfying), I'll try my best to portray the character like a real person who genuinely believes all that. What would make someone believe that? And how would that someone behave, think, understand the world?

So I ended up playing a noble, a lawful evil Paladin of Tyranny (that was back in 3.5) wielding an executioner's greatsword named "Divine Right". And it was hard! I had to fight every instinct I had at every turn, it was a fucking struggle. (But interesting, illuminating, and rewarding, especially when she finally fucking died.)

this is the future Raphaniel wants

So anyway, I might be biased, but I think Raphaniel is a Hobbesian figure too. In this episode he revealed some of his political vision for Calorum, in the 2-year downtime he spent scheming:

"I will share some of the most touching parables and epistles from the Book of Leaves that have to do with unity and the uniting of people. … The clans of the Meat Lands struggle and strife, and unity, my mind dwells on unity. We long for stories to share and for songs and prayers that can unite a disparate people. It is my hope that if there is any aid I could lend you that the Meat Lands might find a common song to sing."

"Sir Drunon, as of this most recent battle, has become something of a national hero. Vegetania doesn't need heroes. Heroes give people pride. Pride on the story of their homeland, where they are from, legends that make them stand tall. Pride is the opposite of humility and obeisance. […]

I wanna drive a spike into the proto-, like, into the thing that gets under Raphaniel's skin is this burgeoning Vegetanian nationalism. This idea of civic pride which Raphaniel finds loathsome. So I think that it's a spreading through church channels always ringing the bell of like, an end to war. An end to bloodshed. Basically painting the lords of this new ascendant, like, Vegetanian rebel court as like, we still have a monarch. It's still the Lady Amangeaux. This is a love of bloodshed, and this knight's just been murdered in a house of ill repute, and this was the person you called a hero of the battle? And spreading through that area as well this idea of "had you knelt your head to the laws of the church and saw fit to include the Lady Amangeaux, we would not have returned an incredibly beloved Fructeran noble to Tomaté in his hour of needing to unify Fructera". So in other words, it's not pro-Amangeaux like, what a great lady. It's like, you're bad at politics, right?"

What do you make of this? My take is: this is an EXTREMELY authoritarian radish. His first priority is to make all people subjects (obedient, humble, without agency, never thinking of independence / self-government / self-determination, or that they deserve rights of any kind) under ONE rule.

Which rule, exactly, is not immediately clear. We know he promotes the interests of the church: he chose to dispose of Sir Drunon because he was an enemy of the church. I think he's angling for a theocracy in the long-term. But for now he's supporting a secular monarch, and he doesn't even think to rally the people to give power to the church from below. Because the people aren't supposed to rally, they're supposed to do as they're told. And until he gets the church to call the shots directly, he's happy with an absolute monarch ruling by divine right, i.e. one that he/the church can control. And until that happens, he's happy supporting the "rightful" monarch, Queen Amangeaux, NOT because she's "a great lady" (if she is, it's irrelevant!) but because she's THE queen, and y'all don't get to choose your kings and queens. [Speculation: he engineered the lack of heirs via contraceptive/abortifacient in the tea, so that the church would succeed the last heirless monarch.]

What he emphatically does NOT want in power is the rabble. And in his mind, all the classes are rabble. Even a hypothetical parliament of landlords or a council / diet of nobles would be too democratic and inclusive, and even a bunch of independent but otherwise perfectly monarchical kingdoms would be (and have been!) too chaotic. Which is why he's pushing for "unity" at every turn.

the union of temporal and spiritual power: castle + church, crown + mitre, cannon + excommunication, weapons + logic, armies + religious courts

So I think his end-goal is a sovereign with absolute authority, both secular and spiritual. In his mind, there needs to be a single State under a single "decider", a one-man (or one pope) rule, "a common power to keep them all in awe", otherwise it's "war of all against all", and everyone's doomed to the whirring teeth of death he keeps seeing in his visions: "continual fear, and danger of violent death; and the life of man, solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short."

I'm telling ya, that radish is a Hobbes fanboy FOR SURE. And if the whirring teeth of death are revealed to be, as suspected, a blender or a garbage disposal, the magnificent absurdity of this setting will have given us the most batshit illustration of Hobbesian terror at the prospect of people living "without a common power to keep them all in awe":

"Darkness. Whirring, strange reflective teeth. The sound of a high-pitched whining scream, grinding lower and lower. Blood, viscera, tearing of flesh. Nothing, darkness, flesh, shadow."

And this being a prequel, we already know the levels of repressive authoritarianism such a fear can give birth to.

…Or I am making ALL of this up, because I'm biased for reasons already explained. We'll see!

[quotes in italics are Hobbes's]

[fitilechka]

yeah alright.. get ready guys!! >:D

so, i'm gonna infodump yall with my ocs. idk what i wanna do with them in the future but something will surely be because hey, i want the fandom !! /hj

…none of them has proper lore yet though… ermm, let's just get started.

the first one to tell about will be yonome!! what's up with the name you ask. ehhh i dunno i was just trying to look for the options in lots of languages together with my friend and we decided to name them as «eye of the night» in japanese. cool right?!?! they use any prns btw :333

more info: they're a child of darkness. what they like to convince people of is that darkness is not something scary and evil at all. rather, it's calm, harmless, and observant!! and they observe too. they study human behaviour, emotions and such, as well as medicine, as they consider it the most interesting science of the human world. they take other people's fear of them for granted, and react to it calmly. also they'll never attack unless harmed!! (a tiny bit of words from me, they're my absolute fav so far!! ><)

more chars under the cut

who's the next one? oh it's timerizer. what's up with the name now? well i just mixed up two words — time and mesmerizer! (NO, IT IS NOT A REFERENCE, THE IDEA POPPED UP IN MY HEAD MONTHS BEFORE THE SONG!!! 😭)

he/him prns for this guy, also he's annoying af but i won't be surprised if someone actually likes him-

more info: this aristocratic, high-minded idiot is a perfectionist and believes that the passage of time creates too much chaos, so he wants to stop it once and for all. he has a pendulum with which he's able to hypnotise people, but the result of his hypnosis is that the creature stops in time. 😨😨 (it's easy to fix btw)

and he doesn't see any costs in his plan. :)) if time in the world were to stop, he, as the only one left in consciousness, would go insane-

note from me, i liked the design i did but definitely not the character himself. who knows tho!!…

the third one!! the absolute cutie!! nix!!! the first character to have an age (which is 11 years), also the history of the name is quite simple, nix is the word for snow in latin!! any prns for her, i'll mostly be using she/her :]

more info (there's not much about her for now): she's a gullible, kind and talkative child. may seem a little fragile, but she's quite capable of standing up for herself. easily freezes, causing her to wear warm clothes all the time. she also loves camping and hiking!! her trust often makes her easily believe a lot of things though- and not the most important info but still cool, she loves watching cartoons and reading books :3

what am i gonna say? oh well… she's mentally stable ✓✓

the last one, darkness!! she/it pronouns. i don't have many information about her at the moment, sadly or not :(((

the only thing known about her is…… yonome is her creation. :DDD well maybe just maybe she's also just as calm as them, i'll see about that.. :))

…you're welcome to say your honest opinion about all of them. idc. and as i mentioned before, i'm yet to think of ways to use them all. they're all tied to a single unnamed universe, and uh- forgot what i wanted to say, meh.

[doudouneverte]

A surprise for Valentine's Day | VW (d-six)

a/n: here we are, already saturday this fic is a test for my futur Maria serie, i think it's a cool story, i was planning to do something longer but i think it's better like this. I don't really know what to say so have a great weekend and i'll see you tomorrow for the last fic of the v-week, the [Y.B] fic.

*not my GIF*

Maria Hill x F!Agent!Reader; Natasha Romanoff x Female!Reader(best friend); Clint Barton x Female!Reader(best friend); Nick Fury x Female!Reader (Best friend?)

summary: you are requier for a last minut mission on valentine's day. What you find ther will change somthing in your relationship with your wife.

Type: maybe a little angsty and Fluff

Warning: mention of child abuse and torture; Hydra

word count: 1648

day one | day two | day three | day four | day five | day seven

--------

You were training the new recruit; it's a good job you liked to kick asses, and they started to learn how to fight back. You were pinning an agent when the door slammed. Everyone looked at the door and saw Maria Hill, who was scanning the room, and she found you on top of a new agent; agent Martinez was her name. The black-haired woman hid her confusion pretty well.

"End of the training. Agent Y/l/n, I need you in my office now." She announced, and you let the poor agents leave.

"It was pretty fun; you should have a good reason to stop me. I was about to learn them Nat's special mouv," you pouted.

"I don't remember her ending on top of every enemy each time she did her thing," Maria replied.

"That's because you didn't see her around Wanda." The blue-eyed girl looked at you, raised her eyebrow, and finally noticed what you said.

"Ew, gross." She faked a gag.

"Oh, don't act like this; we both know we did more than that." She slammed your arm. "Why ? it's true"

You were walking and talking about everything and nothing when you stopped in her office. There were plenty of flowers and chocolates.

"You have a lot of admirers, Commander Hill," you said playfully, "and look at those flowers; they're beautiful, don't you think?"

She smiled and said, "Yeah, I love those too." She wrapped her arms around your neck. She was trying to kiss you when Fury arrived.

"Oh, Commander Hill, it's a lot of gifts for one person." You both looked at him.

"Oh, come on, you're bothering us right now, Fury," you said, and he hit the back of your head. "That's hurt."

"I have a mission for you," he said.

"Oh, come on, I can't be with my wife just one day," you replied.

"You spend the entire night with her, and don't worry, you'll have some support, so if you finish quickly, you could be here for the dinner," he said. He walked to his office, and you followed him, dragging your wife with you in the process.

He opened the door, and you saw your two favorite Avengers, Black Widow and Hawkeye. You were glad to see them; they're your best friends, and it's been more complicated to see each other since they joined the Avengers.

"Agent Romanoff, agent Barton, glad to see you," the one-eyed man said. "Sorry to bother you, but I have a mission for the three of you." You didn't really listen to him and rushed to hug your best friends.

"It's been a while," the redhead said.

"Since you both joined the big boys, you are not here often, so it's not my fault if it's been a while," you replied, and the archer rolled his eyes.

"Each time we came, you were on mission," he protested.

"That's because of Fury," you said, and your boss cleared his throat to gain all your attention. "Sorry," you all said at the same time.

"I was saying, you three have a mission in an Hydra base; it should not have some guards, but we're not too careful. So I sent you three; you just have to bring some files they have. These files contain some information about their new target and their plans." The three of you nodded. "You'll leave in one hour. You can dismiss," and you did.

You spent the next hour getting ready and talking about their stuff to be Avengers. You declined the offer to stay work with your wife and train the new recruit.

It was time now; you were in the quinjet, and you were excited. "It seems to have been a decade since we went on a mission together," you said, and your teammates could just laugh at your excitement.

"We should arrive at our destination in 30 minutes, so tell us what you plan for tonight," Clint said.

"Oh, I planned a lot; for starters, we will go to a restaurant; after we will go to the park; it should be the night so there will not be anyone; I think I'll recreate our first date; and after we will go home, and if we're not too tired, you know what comes next." You winked, and the other woman burst out laughing. "Okay, you can laugh, but what have you planned for your first Valentine's Day with your new wife?" you asked.

"Okay, we don't plan anything yet, but I think it will be like usual, you know, she will cook, we'll eat, and I'll thank her later in my way," she replied, and she turned to the only man, "and you?"

"You know Laura and I are not newsmarried anymore, and with the kids, it's complicated to do something just for us, but it's great like that," he replied.

"Oh, come on, you don't want to make a little sister for Lila?" You asked, and he laughed.

"We are already overwhelmed with Nate; I don't think we could handle a new child now." He explained, and you nodded.

You spoke a lot after, and before you could register, you were at your destination. Thankfully, the mission was not too complicated. You were about to leave when you found a secret room. When you entered, your heart skipped a beat in a bad way when you spotted a little girl in the corner of the room. She looked at you; she seemed to be 6; she had beautiful blue eyes; it reminded you of your wife.

"Hey, are you okay?" You asked while you were walking carefully to her; she nodded, but she seemed afraid. "Hey, hey, it's okay. I'll not hurt you. I'm here to save you. What's your name?"

"Elisabeth," she replied shyly, you lend your hand on her shoulder, and examined her.

"Nice to meet you, Elisabeth; I'm Y/N; do you know where your parents are?" She shook her head.

"They said I don't have parents." You tilted your head.

"Who are 'they' ?" you asked.

"The man with the coat," she said, and you started to understand; she was certainly an Hydra experience, and she should have been very young when they kidnapped her if she didn't remember her parents.

"Do you want to come with me?" you asked, and she looked to think about it. "I promise nobody will hurt you anymore, Elisabeth," you added, and she nodded. You picked her up in a bride style and made your way back to the quinjet. "Guys, we need to call Fury now," you said when you entered.

They both turned around to look at you, and they were shocked to see you with a girl, but they didn't say anything and called Fury.

You looked at the little girl and said, "Hey Elisabeth, this is Natasha." You pointed at the black widow, "And Clint." You pointed at Hawkeye. "I want you to stay here with them; I need to return to the base to find something, okay?" She nodded, and you sat her in a seat before the Russian sat beside her.

When you were in the base, you searched all you could find on this little girl, and you were surprised to find three big files full of information about her, about the 'experiment' they did on her, and about all her life since she was here. You were angry, but when Natasha called you through your earpiece, you came to your senses.

"Y/N ? Are you here?"

"Yeah, Nat, what's going on?"

"I think you should come here quickly; the little girl seems to be pretty cold." You didn't reply and rushed to the quinjet. When you were here again, you saw Elisabeth; she was cold. You were surprised that she was able to stay awake, and you remembered what you read in her files.

You walked carefully, wrapped your arms around her shoulder, and used your pyrokinesis power to heat up her temperature. "Here, I'm here; don't worry, princess," and after a few seconds, she started to calm herself and fell asleep in your arms.

Clint turned to you; he just hang up his call with Fury. "Fury wants us to bring her with us; they will do some tests to see if she is alright," he said, and you nodded. The flyback was quiet; you didn't want to awaken her. When you let her go, you carefully took her in your arms and made your way to the medical bay.

You ran to Fury's office; the meeting was fast. He knew how you could be right now; this little girl was like you when you were younger. When he dismissed you, you walked to Maria's office, where she was doing some paperwork. You didn't say anything and sat on her lap.

"I hear about your mission and the girl," she said, and you just pushed your head on the crook of her neck. "I was reading her files," she said. "She looked like you; I mean, she reminded me of you." You raised your head to face her.

"She physically reminds me of you," you said, and she smiled. "I don't want to let her love the life I had; I don't know what to do, but I think we should do something," you added.

"We can have her under our wings," she proposed, and you nodded. "Or... I have something else in mind."

"What is it?" you asked. You were a little confused.

"You know we have our home, our friends, and our jobs, but sometimes when you're on mission, I think something is missing."

"Wait, wait, are you saying what I think you're saying?" A smile appeared on your face.

"Only if you want and if she wants, of course. And we need to talk to Fur-"

You collided your lips against her "yes, of course yes," and she smiled too.

----------

(part 2 soon)

[random-writer-23]

Welcome Home (Poe x Gn reader)

Summary: Poe's been gone on a mission for longer than he was supposed to.

Words: 1,387

Warnings: tooth-rotting fluff, mentions of reader not eating (not eating disorder), brief description of minor injuries, allusions to sexy time cause c'mon it's Poe you can't expect me to not slip that in.

A/n: just thought I'd try my hand at writing something short for once, this has got to be the shortest thing I've ever written, and it's still over 1k words. And it took all the strength I had in me not to turn this into a full-blown oneshot. Anyway, this is mostly unedited but my last Poe thing is doing well so I figured I would feed you more Poe content. What the public wants they shall receive. Also, I'm pretty sure I wrote this with gender neutral reader, but if y'all find something not gender-neutral, lmk so I can fix it :D But anyway let me know what y'all think of my first drabble, and I might write more in the future when I feel like I haven't published anything in a long time. And as usual, all likes, comments, reblogs, and follows are welcome and greatly appreciated Also I am still looking for beta readers so if you’re interested see the pinned post on my profile for more information. happy reading my lovelies!

I paced the floor of my room, trying to figure out something to do, I could do laundry, read a book, or make lunch. Preferably that option, I hadn't eaten a proper meal in what seemed like weeks. Just snacks when the stress got too much to handle and I didn't know what else to do. The fighter squadrons should've been back by now, they were only sent on a short recon mission, they must have run into some trouble, or worse what if they were dead? I stopped my pacing and headed to the kitchen, ready to make something to eat, I had to take my mind off the quiet in the room. I opened the conservator and looked for what we had that I could use to make something to eat. I rifled through the food I had getting more discouraged the more I looked. A sandwich would have to suffice for my meal today, and I'd also have to make a list of things I'd need to get from the market on base. I mean sure I could always go eat at the canteen but canteen food everynight gets sickening, and theres nothing like a homecooked meal. I began to hum a little tune to myself as I spread mayo on my bread. When I heard a knock at the door. 

"Who is it?" I called to the person on the other side. 

"Lucy!" the voice announced, Lucy lives in the room next to me. 

"Come in!" I told her, and the door slid open revealing her standing there, hair messed up and very out of breath. "Oh dear Lucy, what happened?" I asked her my eyes wide as I moved to get her a cup of water. "Here I'll get you some water" I told her. 

"No time" She breathed heavily, hands on her knees to stabilize herself and catch her breath. I looked at her confused. 

"wha-" 

"(y/n) they're back!" She blurted out, and I froze my brain processing what she was saying. 

"They're..." I mumbled my voice going quiet as she grabbed my hand and smiled nodding. A smile quickly made its way across my face and I laughed "They're back!" I shouted giggling, Lucy grabbed my hand. 

"well let's go!" She said turning to pull me out the door, trailing me along behind her, we ran through the base to the landing bay. Only yelling 'they're back' at the people who gave us weird looks. We sprinted giggling all the way back and once we got to the landing bay, time seemed to stop. I stopped running and Lucy ran forward to greet her girlfriend, running into her open arms with shouts of joy. I didn't have to look very long for my love. I saw him immediately, climbing down the ladder from his x wing, when his feet touched the ground, a huge crowd immediately swarmed around him, and he smiled laughing as people patted him on the back congratulating him on another successful mission. He quickly turned his attention away from the people crowding around him, his eyes searching the crowd quickly. A look of subtle panic slowly crossing his face the more he searched. Until our eyes locked and I saw his instant relief. Watched all the stress drain from his shoulders, the exhaustion he didn't let show to the others wash away. I smiled a wide smile, giggling at the goofy grin spreading across his face. He pushed through the crowd around him, and they parted easily around him. Going back to congratulating each other the second he moved past as if he wasn't even there. He finally made it through all the people, and as soon as he did, time resumed and I ran towards his open arms. Once I got to him he picked me up spinning me around laughing. He put me back down, and once my feet hit the floor, he wrapped his arms around me tightly pulling me against him desperately.  As if holding me as tight as he could, would prevent me from ever leaving his side again. And if I had the choice it would. I breathed him in,  my fist clenching around the fabric of his flight suit tightly. The tears welled up in my eyes and I blinked letting them fall. I pulled away from him for a minute looking him up and down, to make sure he wasn't visibly hurt. Just to make sure he was really there, and he wasn't some illusion my mind had come up with. I pulled his helmet off his head dropping it to the floor and grabbing his cheeks turning his head looking for any sign of injuries. He had a couple of scrapes on his face, and smeared dried blood along his brow and forehead, but other than that he was fine. I touched his face, running my fingers gently along the cuts. Once I determined he was fine, I pulled him back in hugging him close, my body shaking with sobs as I came to the realization he was back and actually standing relatively unharmed in front of me. 

"You're safe" I murmured into his chest, almost disbelievingly. 

"Of course, couldn't leave my pretty girl all by herself" He smiled lifting my head with a hand under my chin making me look up at him. He wiped away my tears with one hand, and I smiled leaning into his touch. I opened my eyes and leaned in placing a soft kiss on his lips. Gently, delicately, hesitantly, pulling away and looking up at him through my lashes. He smiled and pulled me back in for another kiss, fueling this one with more desperation, gripping my waist tightly, and moving his hand from my face to the back of my neck. I wrapped my hands around his neck tangling my fingers in his hair. Smiling against his lips, he pulled away chuckling, and leaned his forehead against mine. "Maker, I love you" He mumbled, pressing his lips against me again, pulling away quickly, "I missed you" he kissed me again. "You're so beautiful, (y/n)" another kiss. "My (y/n)" another kiss, an explosion of affection. My heart fluttered, and I giggled turning away from him to hide my flushing face. "Don't hide from me gorgeous" He mumbled into my ear, only driving me further into hiding. 

"I love you too Poe" I looked back at him, placing one last kiss on his lips before his friends ran up to us cheering and screaming. He rolled his eyes at their approach, and he stepped away from me unwillingly. Not letting me go too far as he stood next to my side pulling me close to him. Finn, Rey and BB-8, came up to us Finn pulling us all into a large group hug, blubbering about how they survived another day. I rolled my eyes pulling out of the group hug with a laugh as I felt something hitting my leg. I looked down and gave a shout of joy as BB spun in a circle joyfully having my attention. I knelt down to his level giving him a kiss as well. "I'm glad you're back BB" I smiled, and he wooped in reply. I laughed, standing back up when Poe tapped my shoulders. I looked at him with a smile and he gave me another quick kiss. Finn groaned,

"Alright, get a room you two" Rey laughed,

"but not before we get a drink from the canteen" Finn added pumping his fist, and we all cheered.

"you good to celebrate" Poe leaned close to my ear whispering the question so only I could hear him. 

"Of course, you are a hero after all" I giggled, "but let's make it quick, I want to give you a proper welcome home" I smiled slyly and his eyes widened, realizing what I meant. He perked up quickly. 

"Alright let's drink!" He cheered loudly and I laughed. He leaned down to pick up his helmet, placing it on my head and gripping my hand tightly. "Maker I'm glad to be home" He smiled. 

"Me too" I replied as we followed the cheering crowd to the canteen, hand in hand, and the weeks of stress I felt washing away, and all was right in the world once more. 

--Fin--

QOTD: What is your favourite star wars movie? Mine. is either revenge of the sith or the animated clone wars movie!

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[inkovert]

Writeblr Positivity Tag

Tagged by @pertinax--loculos. Before I begin I just wanna say...Pockets...this BFF-ship is not one-sided. You're super cool and I always love seeing you on my dash and I miss reading about your stories (haven't heard about ATN in a minute D: I know it's in the 'second draft/editing' graveyard so I get it). My only disappointment is that we evidently live in different time zones so we're never active at the same time :'(. But yeah just had to clear that up. So EHEM, onto the tag!

What motivates you to write?

Oof. I've been trying to remind myself of the answer to this because your girl seems to keep forgetting. I think @pertinax--loculos put it beautifully: 'I write for the same reason I breathe. Because if I didn't, I would die'. I don't think I'm necessarily motivated to do it at this point, it's just that I'm incapable of NOT doing it. Which inevitably makes it difficult when I find myself in a slump and desperate to give up because I can't produce anything I deem "good enough". I know despite my frustrations I will keep trying to produce something because giving up is evidently not an option. In the past though, I think I was motivated by the prospects of other people eventually reading my work and wanting to give those imaginary future people the same feelings/experiences my favorite authors have given me when I read my favorite book. But as it's gotten harder and harder to get eyes on my work, that's stopped being a motivator for me (which is probably for the best).

A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud of/happy with. If not, maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them):

Can you believe it took me SO long to find an answer for this LOL. I think I'm mostly proud of how scenes I've written turned out, not necessarily specific lines. But I'll go with this one, because it stuck with me the most after I wrote it:

The last thing I truly tried to create was the destruction of myself.

Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them, and what are they like?

Hands down, it's Vince. Like, I love that boy. I can think about him in relation to almost everyone in my cast of characters and I smile even harder. But I think the relationship that I love the most in my story is the one he has with Cami. It's just so...wholesome and pure and playful and loving. Like the two of them truly come to care for each other so much, in a way that almost transcends any kind of relationship (their relationship is fully platonic btw). But Vince is just a lovable idiot. He is the resident himbo. He doesn't take life or himself too seriously which makes him easy to get along with. But he also has such an incredibly big heart and is actually quite sensitive once you get to know him. But the care, respect and admiration he grows to have for Cami over the course of the story is just so beautiful to watch and is one of the parts of my story I look forward to writing/developing the most. I could ramble on and say more but I will reign myself in.

What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

I know this is an uncommon answer but...editing. Blank pages intimidate me. I hate coming up with words on the spot with nothing to build off of. But I love coming back to a chapter I've written, opening up a blank doc beside it and rewriting the chapter with stronger language/words/prose/dialogue etc. I'm often able to flex my writing chops when re-writing or editing a chapter rather than just writing it from scratch. The right words just come to me a lot easier and I can phrase things more eloquently than before. I know this is not what true true editing is...come back and ask me again in 6 months when I have to edit the completed second draft of my story and I'm writhing in agony.

What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

Dialogue. Dialogue. Dialogue. I struggle with writing an engaging narrative voice/exposition. Can't worldbuild for my life. Descriptions scare me. But ask me to write a compelling, emotional, humorous, realistic conversation between two characters and I will hit the ground running.

What is something in the writeblr community that is most enjoyable?

I think Pockets also had a good answer for this that I agree with - people never forget you. You can be gone for 4 weeks, 4 months, or 4 years, but the minute you log back on and make a post, people will welcome you back into the community with open arms like you never left. And you realize just how much of a place you actually had in the community whereas often when you're in it on the day to day it can feel like you're shouting into the void and no one's listening. But people are listening and lurking and liking your posts, they just may be too shy to approach you or prefer to be in the shadows. But I can think of like at least 5 writeblrs who I've thought about in the last month and wondered where they went off to because I haven't seen them on my dash for months. Despite my qualms with writeblr at times, there is a semblance of a community here that I don't think many other platforms have or can replicate.

A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

Scrivener. Literally Scrivener. I would not be able to do anything if I didn't have Scrivener. Scrivener is my life. It literally has everything a writer could need and more. When I tell you that everyday I'm discovering a new feature on this shit as if I'm using it for the first time rather than the mf 10 years I've had it. It legit has everything. “But what about —?” Yes. The answer is yes, it can do that, too. And I'm so grateful for it. And it's a ONE TIME purchase which is such a steal. It provides you so much and asks so little in return.

A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law, etc)

HA

(what an anticlimactic question to end on but I legit do not worlbuild. I truly admire anyone who can but it's not me.)

Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters:

@starry-sky-stuff @lady-grace-pens @rose-red-ink @freedominique @vacantgodling @kaiusvnoir

And anyone who sees this and wants to jump in! Feel free to say I tagged you, happy to read your responses.