#i think he has an eating disorder too but message me if you wanna hear about that i dont wanna spring that on anyone yknow | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

charmed-asylum · 4 years ago

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👨‍🍳#𝓕𝓞𝓞𝓓𝓲𝓔👨‍🍳

Summary: Something happening in Easter Hills. Something that effecting everyone under the surface. Could this just be a phase a trick that no one can shack off? Is this something that will pass with another or can we all be heading for destruction

Declaimer: #Foodie has some curse words, blood,cat fight, mentions of bullying and eating disorder. Also, I do have dyslexia who happens to do her own proof reading so be easy with me!!!

A/N: This chapter is a filler before things start to go to shit in the next one. Let me know what you think or want to be added to the tag list. xoxo Tia

MASTER LIST // Previous CHAPTER 2

Tagged: @weapinggwillowss @kittykatlow @alagalaska @deansblackbeauty

The journey to school was a blur. I don’t know how or by what grace of god but I made it come Monday. It has been one hell of a week but that be an understatement. In reality, it wasn’t just this week it was these last month or so. I tap my number two pencil a few times against the desk waiting for my name to be called. Ms. King was an older lady full proud of the fact she been teaching since 1968. While it was an achievement to the only thing she to show was 13 cats waiting for her at home. The simple 10 minutes routine took her much longer and left us 20 minutes to cramp everything in. Today this lovely dry hot day was pushing 22 minutes. Taking a deep breath I look away from the heart diagram and look up to see what was taking so long. Class of normally 27 students was a minor fraction of 18 if that. I would think nothing of it but as I chew on the nasty no taste but death eraser it hit me. It was the same thing for all my other class different students were missing, I heard principal Ratchet mention the flu or mono. Just did not feel right.

Eraser still hanging from my mouth as I think of that day. Mind rush back to sitting in the back of the ambulance. Flashing blue and red light blur my vision only clear thing was KP looking like a superhero. His huge rough hands play in his hair as he let a huge breath out from his chiseled chest. Eyes darting back from the black bag and the sheriff. I was gonna speak but KP knows what is best and having me talk wasn’t it. Men stuck in his ways talking to the freak was never useful. The only words that came from his mouth addressed to me were,” Second time in a month you got something going on with you and these damn woods. You doing some witchcraft or something. Weird girl”. I chuckled under my breath at the joke he was. But he was right two times in a month this time I’m alone. No parents no reassurance. Blood mix with the dirt covers most of my clothes. KP didn’t mention much just that we saw the body out of nowhere. Not that it was still alive barley but alive not that it said anything just that it was dead when he checked. The next thing I remember was me in the bathtub still in my clothes as he cleans me off. Water was mix with soap water and dirt. I practically begged him to stay not to leave with tears rolling down my cheeks eyes red with fear and pain. With a kiss on the crown of my head, he promises me before carrying me to bed. We lay snuggled together his hands holding me tightly his hands and mine laying close to my heart. By the time the rosters call to wake up the night creatures, he was gone.

Bell took me out of my mind back into reality. Slowly grabbing my thing I rush out to my locker to see if Janet picks up the note I left. Peaking over my shoulder I shield myself as I put in her combo. With a tap it open with the note still there. SHIT JANET. Besides the creepy 3 words messages, I haven’t heard from her. Just had to focus today thing on Janet.

Corner of my eye I could see few people going towards the cafeteria. I swing my bag over my shoulder and ran off to the cafeteria. Even though my lunch period was for another two periods. Pushing through the sea of people looking for her. Crazy how classrooms were getting more and more empty but the cafeteria was getting more and more crowded. Pushing people who were waiting on the growing line to get food I look around for Janet. She has been having lunch during this period and her regular one with me for a month. Turning shoulders calling she was nowhere. FUCK.

My fresh white polish nails comb through my hair as I tried to remain calm. Closing my eyes I pray to the lords for help a sign. Anything to prove I’m not losing it once again. As I started to relax I could hear a noise a voice. Looking up I thank god before following the voice. Now before I explain to you what saw a person should know in this school I’m a freak I’m okay with it, I accept it, I celebrate my flawless in the eye of my peers. One of many things is my strict unorthodox eating habits. I have been called every word in every dictionary. Something I never wanna contribute to, Tiffany though is a 500 calories a day type of girl. Once someone gave her a regular coke and she beat the poor freshman right to ER. She screams Malibu Barbie with matching purse. Flawless. She Janet’s level flawless just with an eating disorder. This Tiffany if it wasn’t for the 5,000 purses and that annoying voice, this girl looks nothing like her. First, it was the fact all my years of knowing her she only wears a crop top and thong poking out now in size large sweater with purple unicorns and leggings, that she probably got from the local theft shop in town. I almost piss myself. Then was her plate. The fact she had a plate was a shocker. She had two things of chili fries, a sloppy Joe, and three pudding cups. Sipping from a BIG BOY slushie from the gas station down the road. Unknown to me I was currently in front of her table mouth open till one of her minions toss a fry at me.

“ Tiffany. Hey huh, Tiff” I said still unsure.

If I was shocked before when she turned to me made me beyond doubt stun. She had a ton of acne and her face look a bit puffy from her skeleton skin-tight face not so long ago.

“ What do you want? “ One of her minions ask as she was chewing on some sour union flavor chips.

“ Have you seen. Janet today? We got a project due tomorrow and I can’t find her” I said spit balling as went on.

They look at each other and giggle. Tiffany looks at the other and like that her mood change she sat up a bit more and turn to fully look at me. With her stain shirt and food on the corner of her mouth. She looks at me with hungry in her eyes with a quick lick around her smug lipstick lips grind at me.

“ Actually no we haven’t but we were gonna look for her. Hey, you got any Trippie on you” Tiffany said with joy and lust in those hazel eyes.

Step back and put a hand to my hip. I look at her as she waited for my answer. This gosh darn drug again. The reason why I and Janet been at odds, to begin with.

“ No. I don’t take that stuff. Tried Popi. She the one who had it in the 1st place. You haven’t seen her she usually here with you during lunch” I pressed. Look of doubt of cross all four girls face. Who was spotting a similar appearance to their leader?

“ Come on. Smith your join to the fuckin hip. You must know where we can find her or some of the drugs. We ran out quicker then we wanted to. Takes longer to get it up. Help us. We do anything. Tell Janet we are willing to do anything “ Zoe said grabbing tight to my wrist. Her grip was airtight that I felt the pressure. Almost like how it was with Janet that last time. Same look in the eyes too.

Pulling away from her grip with all my might I stumble back. I look at the girls as their expressions started to change to a dead zone look in their eyes. Like they were on something. My mouth became dry my brain ache from thoughts that were running through my head. My eyes darted from one to another to another.

“ Lik-”

Tiffany ignore me and started to laugh after taking a few more bites of her sandwich. Drops of it left on her shirt one just by the corner of her mouth.

“ She not gonna tell us. She wants it all to her self. It’s fine we figure it out we are not selfish people” Tiffany said laughing between each chew. I clench my jaw till I felt something swooshing in my mouth a bitter taste.

“ Like I said. I don’t take that stuff. I care what goes in my body and I don’t trust it” I said before turning to leave. I got a few steps in before I heard more laughter. I stop and chuckle to myself what was so funny. Sound like she was mumbling something. “Excuse me” I said turning back around.

“ You know what. Why did I even ask you? Face it. Without that candy eye boy toy or your American pie girlfriend you nothing but a fuckin virgin who can even drive. Your nothing only thing you were made to do was to worship and praise others. Look at you Janet doesn’t give you any attention finally realize what dead weight you are and left you. I bet it hurts knowing that you are nothing. EVERYONE LEAVES YOU. But you are one thing. Very good at if I may say. Being a pathetic bitch. Roof roof” Tiffany said with a smile on her face and a wheeze of a laugh. I hated her I know I should not but I did. Hated that she was mostly right I hate that I let this get to me and most of all I hated I was entertaining it. It was too late I felt the tears in my eyes. So I did the only thing left to do and that was to mirror her. Show who she was I am good at pretending so much so I don’t know if my mind grew up with my body.

“ Funny you say that. Because the only thing I see is a bunch of mystery meat slops of shit. Yeah, you almost was right but you forgot about one thing. Tiffany, I’m not someone bitch I am the mother fucking animal control. I round up all those rodents pest and I put them down. Don’t test me, ugly soul. Because next time I put you down maybe just maybe finally allow your groupies some air to think for once” I said got closer to her till I was nose to nose.

Taking my thumb I gently clean her of the sloppy Joe that settles on the corner of her mouth before rubbing it on her shoulder. A smile with victory as she remains silent from my death stare. Lips cover in raspberry flavor organic lip-gloss roll off a bit from my tongue as I move it across. Stepping back I flip up my middle finger high in the air and turn around probably too quick because next thing I know something pulls me close and punches me square in the face knocking me slow motion down to the ground. Light flicker a bit before with rainbows and glitter before it all fades to black.

Drips of water fell down my forehead. The buzzing was the first thing that caught my attention, the buzz from a circle ceiling light with a cool white tent. Buzz hypnotize me Mumbling back noise stop but my eyes remained on a poor dead fly t stuck in the filter.

" Oh, Ms. Smith you awake. That was a nasty fall. I will be back in a second" Nurse Jane called out.

The nurse’s office like this fly in a black hole stuck in the 1950s with a wall of fame for Nurse Jane prize dog. Yup, Mr. Fuzzy Bear. Elvis Presley played in the background. I look at the wall Mr. Fuzzy Bear look completely different then dog I saw a few weeks ago. Tap on the shoulder shocks me to the core as I scream out and throw the now baggie of water into the floor by my converse. Hands shake with fear my breathing getting shorter as I hold onto the wall of trophies. Trying and failing to catch my breath. Another tap sent me to the floor crawling to the corner covering my ears and tried to control my breathing.

" Oh, I'm sorry. Ms. Smith. I was seeing if you were okay. Sit here let me get you some water" Nurse Jane said. I could smell whiskey on her breath as she spoke to me. Mix with the cheap drug store perfume they sale but no one brought due to the reaction most got.

Looking up I watch as she walks off. She had far to much hair spray that perfect her scoop with a white daisy in her hair and the white long sleeve white nurse uniform. My eyes went back to the daisy I study flowers out of boredom and that one something was off. Slowly getting to my feet I follow her to the front till I stop and see the puddle I felt. CRAB CAKES I said to myself as I got on my knees to clean up my mess.

“ That’s a new daisy huh Mrs. Cruise. Might need to clip a few and add it to the garden” I said

“ Oh, this little old thing. My little boy was playing out in the fields and found some. Next to this strange patch of grass. Probably weed. Anyway, it was the prettiest thing I have seen had to cut one of myself. But don’t let your self eat it. My poor baby eats some and well that how he ends up going to see you” She said handing out a can for the trash.

“ How is little guy anyway. Not eating any more chocolate or flowers I hope” I asked dusting off my rip denim jeans.

She looks at me strange her head tilt to the side hair staying in place. A huge grind plaster on that clown-like makeup face.

“ Smith. My baby has been with you all this week. I took my little fuzzy home and he started to act like he was from the wild. Brought him back so the good lord of a doctor can make him all better” Jane said.

I wanted to laugh because last I check he wasn’t there. Words stayed at top of my tongue. My eyes dart to her and the wall of trophies back to her.

“ Oh yeah. Ethan got hurt had to get someone over from next town over. Sure he is back to the cute button he always is in no time. If I may ask because well new doc might make a fuss where was this planet at” I asked.

“ Well, I was on my daily work out power walk so mmmm somewhere by the old wooden bridge in Lovers. Such a pretty sight” Jane said. Before I can speak the phone rang. I slipped out as she turns to answer it.

I look in my hand was the white tissue with the daisy I snatch off of her. Something was off. Maybe if Janet didn’t want to tell me I figure it out myself. Something was wrong and I attend to figure it out one way or another. The first stop was to work.

Most don’t know because my family likes to keep it hush back before Ethan came into town my dad family own Easter Hills Animal Hospital for over 60 years. Still does as a private owner. Ethan was like the fun aunt and each time I had nowhere to go she would sit me on the desk and teach me things. The first animal I cut open was a raccoon at the age of 7 with Ethan of course helping me every step of the way.

Lights in the hallway were dim fluorescent lights. With my phone in my hand, I tap on the flashlight and slowly walk into the back. Maybe I can check a few of the animals and the daisy I snatch to see if anything was similar. BING BING I glance down to my notifications to see a text from KP. Asking me if I am okay. I cared about him but there was too much at state. I need to know. Call it a hunch.

It smells like trash and cleaning supplies for some reason. Like the hardcore, stuff police use to clean a crime scene. I should know each night I clean the operation rooms and front area. The stuff we use was the general store brand. And it smells and looks too perfect. The new vet hasn’t arrived yet, so who did this? The keys dangle from my left hand hitting me as I walk down to the back where the files would be at. I just had to check to see if the dog was still here. As I got close something wasn’t right. There was a brand new lock on the door. I was here not so long ago this heavy-duty lock wasn’t here. Clipping the keys to my hip I glance around before I tried to jiggle at the lock. No luck. Looking around I tried to think on my feet. Shit. Lending against the wall I see a light on in Ethan office. Alright, that can work. Pocketing my phone in my back pocket. I sneak into her office.

The walls were cover in wine red wallpaper with cherry dark chocolate wood floors. Her office looks nothing like the one you would assume a veterinarian office would look like. Everything from the desk to the chairs was expensive something Ethan insisted. There was a black bookshelf that lay against the wall with matching black gold nods desk. Chairs that were a whopping 2,000 each sat perfectly insight. Awards plastered on another wall with pictures of her many accomplishments. She looks print-ready perfect. Along with all her pictures was one in the corner row of her with my parents when I was younger. I remember that day like it was yesterday. The first day she started almost 10 years ago. She had a short boy cut with dyed blonde hair that made her features pop. I didn’t know much about beauty but she and my mother are what I imagine. Most look at Mona Lisa or Marvel statue for reference me I had two prime examples just for myself to see each day. Kinda like what I felt when I saw KP for 1st time 6 years ago. For so many years I was lost in the woods unable in away to find my way home. At first, it was Ethan and Janet who hold me close then shortly KP.

A loud bing drum though my ears. Clinching onto my ears I start to breathe again. Calming myself before I slip again. I had to focus. My eyes gaze to the computer. Ethan was many things but OCD was one. She always had copies full of details. I couldn’t get into the back room but maybe this could work. I rush over almost knocking over a picture of Ethan's two older daughters to the desk. Shaking the mouse I wait till the computer comes alive. My left hand cradling my face biting my thumbnail. Taste is nail polish with taste funny but I chew and spit it out without thought. CRAP. Password. Taking my hand away I tap the keyboard. It could be an endless list of it could be one. Sitting back in the plush comfy desk chair lean back and rock back and forth. Great way to putting all those AP and college courses to good use I thought to myself. Tapping my sneakers against the wood floor I loosen my messy bun and run my fingers through my hair. My ring KP gave me tangle through my hair. I stop thinking and reach to type something in quickly. WINE. Nope, crap. Pulling out the draws I look around for something. A hint clue maybe like many older people password somewhere.

While her office was perfect these draws were nothing like it may be the OCD part was probably the wrong word. It had five draws: 1st had simple office supplies and a pill bottle of viagra, 2nd had appointment book and business card old open bag of photo chips, 3rd had a prepaid phone, key to the safe, and thing of condoms. 4th one had a bottle of cheap whiskey, two glasses, and a few files full of pictures and post it’s. The draw in the center didn’t budge. Feeling around the smooth polish surface I felt something off. Stretching down a bit more I felt it. A huge grin spread across my face as I grab and quickly tried to open the back door with it. Still, it did not budge. Running back I did not see the front door was wide open letting in a cool breeze. Driven by excited I tried for the desk draw and heard a click. Opening it. I saw a phone book and a journal and right on the front corner in a bright pink post-it was the password: 2HOT4THISISH.

My laughter was cut short when I heard heavy foot shuffling outside the crack door. I pause and tried to figure my next move. With my eyes on the door, I quickly shove the papers from the files in my bag. The journal replacing it with a book another that was on the table and putting everything back to what it was. Before I could slip out the door open with a loud creak sound. Panic took over and I quickly bundled tight under the desk with my legs squeeze tight to my chest a gentle rock not make a sound. I could hear wheezing. My eyes were full of tears as I tried not to panic. Who could it be? My eyes drift off to the side and I could see a pair of Black Jimmy Choo nearly 3 feet from my hand. I quickly move it and watch the shoes. It was there for another 10 maybe 15 minutes before I heard a rattle of keys and shoes walk away. Towards the end hallway I heard some more noise but this time it was from the back door I tried to open earlier. Whoever it was the person did whatever to the lock.

I jolt awake from the sound of my phone going off. I glanced down to see it was KP. And it was going at 11 o’clock. Fudge I slowly got up from the floor and sat in the chair.

“ Hey baby I’m so sorry I got lost in my work and fell asleep” I said rubbing my eyes.

I could hear a deep breath in and I could imagine he was rubbing his forehead with a thick strong finger.

“ Sweetie. You had me worried. I had to hear from someone else you got in a fight with that toothpick girl. Tiffany something. Why didn’t you call me” he asked with a bit ignored.

I look around at the office and back at the computer it was still on. I rest the phone in the crook of my neck and type in the password.

“ I know I didn’t want you to worry. I’m sorry. I should have told you. Do you wanna snuggle tonight Phillip. We can snuggle and I can give you kitty licks or something” I said trying to get him to lighten up. The home screen came up. There was normal stuff internet, virus protection filed, a few others. As I waited I click on to each and look to see what I can find.

“ Oh really. You know I love your kitty licks Issac. I gotta stay in late today probably till about 2 in the morning. But I can still come over. For some snuggle, if the offer still open” KP tease.

My smile drops when I saw something I didn’t mean to click. It had pictures and pdf of things I never have seen before. I hold the clicker to print everything out.

“ Of course. You know where the key is. Just bring some milk if you come. Mr. Cereal cruncher uses the last bit the other day” I said with a giggle.

“ Will do. Sorry I been distant. Perks of small ass town are not many folks to call if there a crisis. I never get how a town of 203 people can have a police unit of 12 people which includes the old man club who just sleeps in the police car. One day this mentality gonna bit them in the ass baby. Baby are you still there” KP asked.

I wasn’t listening but instead reading what I found. It was my reports I send for. For the drug, dog, and something unknown. I glance at the date and it was of a few days ago. Each had this strange code at the end of each page.

“ I’m sorry about that honey. You know this town stuck in time. I know things are hectic with you. I wish I could make it perfect like the way you are. But I can only be your snuggle bunny and talk to you and be here for you” I said packing my bag and looking some more.

“ That’s all I ask for baby. My beautiful snuggle bunny. God your -“ KP stop talking and shot out to someone. “ Huh. I gotta go another fuck up animal. Just pop up by lover lane” KP said disappointed.

“ It’s okay. Hey, hasn’t it been a lot of that lately? We don’t get those anymore. You cheating on me with another animal lover” I teased. It was silent only I could hear was a deep breath from the other line.

“ I am joking. I’m gonna be wearing your favorite plaid shirt to sleep. I love you. Stay safe for me please” I said in a mouse-like whisper.

I need this stuff. Looking in my bag I pull out my key chain for my USB drive. I looked around before plugin it in and copying all the files. As it got to 100% I quickly unplugged it and fix everything to was before I came. My bike was a half-mile away hiding behind trees and some branches. Midnight sky dance high. Times like this I would stop and lay on the road and look up now I’m filled with this void. This feeling was creeping from the corner of my eyesight. Feeling of claws pulling at your flesh. Ahead I could see some birds flying south. A huge flock like it was on my date. They always know I wish I could just have left with KP and not look back. Even with that would I be escaping the danger or welcoming another.

I sat Indian style on the floor with a pencil in my bun and a yellow highlighter in my mouth. Looking over the papers and files scattered across. The more I read more I could tell something wasn’t right.

“ Baby why are you up ?” a voice said for behind me. I jump up almost choking on the highlighter falling in the papers behind me.

KP stood tall with his sleeve rolled up to show his god-like muscle hairstyle slick back looking like a Ken doll.

“ Sorry homework” I said looking up to him. He chuckled and bend down on one knee to get a better look at me. He took my hand and slowly help me up in. I could smell the coffee from his breath mix with some gum. He smokes even though I told him how much I hated it. More he smokes a brand that not even available anymore. Which made me madder at the money he spent.

“ You know you keep it up with the donuts and cigarettes your not gonna be able to promise me that forever. Mister” I said with a bent brow at him.

With a finger, he played with my hair a bit before meeting my eyes. Sweet sparkle that makes anyone weak to the knees and a smile to match. Coming closer he kisses me with such hunger. I reach for the back of his neck to help me out as I deepen the kiss. Til I taste the cigarette and stop.

“ No kisses till you brush your teeth. Yucky “ I giggle in his neck. My hands still playing with his neck hair. His hands move further down my back till it reaches my rear.

“ But I’m sleepy. I don’t wanna. You said you are my snuggle bunny” He said with his puppy eyes. I hit his rock hard chest playfully before pushing myself backs away from him laying on top of the papers so he couldn't see it.

“ And we will when you brush your teeth. Or you can quite” I said with a fake shock face.

He laughs and walks to the bathroom join to my bedroom. I turn to watch as he walks off. God his butt was a thing of beauty.

“ What type of work are you doing “ He asked from the bathroom.

I slowly got up when I heard the water and quickly move all the papers and shove them in my bag.

“ Research paper for history. You know how Mr. Burns is a pain in my buttocks “ I said checking around for anything else.

KP wall out with a mouth full of mouthwash gave me his serious look. I walk over to a bin under my bed full of some clothes for him and toss him over some sweatpants. Getting under my blankets I waited for him to come out. My cell started to ring from my bedside table. Reaching for it I answered it and walk out to the hallway.

“ Janet is that you. God, I have been worried” I whisper into the phone. Nothing.

“ I forgot you quite. Tiffany came at me looking for you. Be proud I told her off” I laughed. Still nothing.

“ If you are in trouble I can help. And hey if it’s something legal then fuck it. You are my friend I can talk to KP. He here..hello” the phone click and I heard a dial tone.

“ Who was that” KP asked standing in the doorway arms cross over each other.

“ Janet. She has been calling and saying nothing. I’m worried “ I said looking up to him. He pushes himself off and wrap his arms around me and squeeze me tight. Tears fell onto his bare chest.

Master of Puppets began to blur though the tiny radio. Fiddling around I press onto the snooze buttons. KP was still sound asleep with his arms wrap around my small of my abdomen. Head in the crook of my neck snoring. I glance back and kiss his forehead smiling. The clock read blink 6:03. Taking his hand I slowly ease myself out of the embrace and out of bed. He snuggled into my pillow and started to snore once more. Flipping my alarm off grab my outfit I had plan night before and headed into the bathroom.

It still early so I decide to open the windows to let some fresh air in. After a few minutes, I hop in. I scrub some shampoo in my hair and hum this morning song to myself. I reach back and let the water hit my face run down to the rest of my body. Taking the dirt and worried away. A cheep cheep stops me as I tried to figure out what it was taking out last bit of conditioner. I felt something coming around me then more cheep cheep. I wipe my eyes to my surprise I saw a bird no five maybe more in the shower with me. I tried to move but more I did more they attack me two in my hair other hitting me with its wings. My breathing started to fall short as panic set it. I tried not to scream thinking to all the safety videos I would watch growing up but it didn’t work. I tried pushing away shooing them but still nothing. The anxiety got so bad that after trying to hold it in I scream. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. They kept attacking me this time pecking me over and over. Taking my hands I tried to push then away. Still, they came after me. I grab for the shower curtain tight trying to find some escape. AHHHHHHHHHHHHELP. With one last scream, the curtain I was holding onto with my dear life suddenly gave. Suddenly everything faded to black. The only thing I could hear was the birds still chirping.

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justcallmefox89 · 4 years ago

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Truth or Dare Part 6 - Mammon’s Ending

Arianthi has to make an impossible choice and Mammon reveals some long held secrets.

Written from the perspective of my female OC Arianthi.

NSFW - soft break up sex

TWs - discussion of eating disorders and manipulative relationships.

Mood Playlist:

LP - When We’re High LP - Lost on You LP - Other People LP - Forever for Now Hozier - Like Real People Do

Mammon’s kiss is rough and insistent, nothing like Diavolo’s gentle caresses. I can feel my lips bruising beneath his as he claims my mouth. His teeth nip at my lower lip and when I gasp he takes advantage of the opening and flicks his tongue against mine. It’s like he’s trying to erase every kiss Diavolo has ever given me and replace it with his own.

I squirm against his hold, trying to break away from him, but his grip on my arms is like a vise. I twist my head away from his. “Mammon!”

He doesn’t seem to hear me as his lips work their way down to my neck and he gives me a sharp bite.

“Mammon let me go! You’re hurting me!”

With those words it’s like a flip has been switched and Mammon instantly releases me. We break away from each other, breathing hard. Mammon stares at me in horror, taking in my swollen lips and the blood beading up on the bite mark he left on me.

“Oh my god.....oh fuck.” Mammon’s hands are shaking and there are tears falling down his cheeks. He reaches out towards me hesitantly.

“Oh fuck, I am so sorry Arianthi......are ya hurt? Did I hurt ya?” Mammon’s voice is trembling. “I hurt ya, oh my god.”

Mammon is pale and he looks like he’s going to be sick.

Without thinking I quickly step forward into his arms and embrace him tightly. I rest my head on his chest and rub his back in slow, soothing circles. “It’s ok baby. It’s ok. I’m fine, alright? I’m just fine, don’t worry.”

Mammon rests his forehead against mine. A sudden darkness envelopes me as Mammon wraps his wings around us and we’re encased in a warm cocoon.

“I fucked up didn’t I?”

I don’t reply, I just cup Mammon’s face in my hands, using my thumbs to brush away a few stray tears. He reaches up and mimics my motions; I didn’t even realize I was crying.

“I’m scared Arianthi,” he admits. “So damn scared. I don’t wanna lose ya. You’re the only person who’s ever really.....” He hiccups a little as his sobs deepen. “I don’t know what to do.”

I kiss away his tears slowly, gently, until his breathing slows and his sobs stop.

“Mammon you didn’t fuck up. But we do need to talk about this. About everything that has happened and about what you said.”

He nuzzles his face against my hands and nods. “I know baby. I know we do. Let’s talk about everything. I wanna make this right with ya.”

My D.D.D. starts buzzing in my pocket. Mammon unfolds his wings and steps away so I can answer it. I quickly check the caller I.D.

“Hey Dia,” I answer.

Mammon flinches away from my easy use of the nickname.

“Hey princess. Where are you? I came up to bed and you were gone.”

“I’m at the House of Lamentation.”

Silence.

“Hey Dia, can you give me just a second?”

“Sure. Whatever you need.”

I hold my D.D.D to my shoulder to muffle my conversation and walk over to Mammon. I touch his cheek gently.

“I need to talk to him for a minute, ok? Go to your room and I’ll be right up. We are going to finish this conversation Mammon.”

He eyes me warily.

“I promise, I’ll come back. We’re going to talk.”

He nods reluctantly and shuffles out of the kitchen. I wait until he’s out of sight then I bring my D.D.D. back up to my ear.

“Dia?”

“What’s up princess?”

“I’m going to be here a little longer. I need to have a conversation.”

My stomach clenches with guilt. The idea of doing anything that has the potential to hurt Diavolo makes me want to vomit. But I can’t be in a relationship with him if I’m only half in. He deserves better than that. He deserves someone who loves him with their whole heart. I need to figure things out with Mammon so I can decide on my future with Diavolo.

“Of course. I’m sure your friends have missed you.”

“Can I message you when I’m done so you can come walk me home?”

“Absolutely. I’ll wait up for your message.”

“Bye Dia.”

“Bye princess. See you soon.”

I stand in the kitchen for a moment, debating and hesitating. Then I feel a tug on the silken thread that links Mammon’s heart to mine. My feet follow the sensation and soon I’m standing in front of Mammon’s door.

I slip inside his room and quietly shut the door behind me. Mammon is back in his human form, sitting on the edge of his bed, head in his hands. I pad across the carpet and kneel down in front of him, putting a finger under his chin to tip his head up so he can look at me. I brush some unruly hair out of his eyes and give him a small smile.

His blue eyes are full of shock and surprise. “Ya came back,” he whispers.

“Of course I did. I promised you I would.”

“Nobody’s ever come back before. Not for me.” Mammon bites down hard on his lower lip, eyes darting away from me.

I take his face in my hands to force him to look at me.

“I will always come back for you Mammon. Always. No matter what has happened or where we are, I will come back to you every single time,” I murmur.

He leans his forehead against mine and I close my eyes, enjoying the feel of his warm skin and taking a few seconds to compose myself.

When I feel calmer I climb up onto the bed with him and cross my legs, tugging on his arm so he turns to face me. He adopts a similar pose opposite me and opens his mouth to say something, then hesitates.

“Are ya sure I didn’t hurt ya?”

Unconsciously I rub at the bruises starting to form on my upper arms.

Mammon watches me and his face falls.

“I am so, so sorry,” he whispers, looking miserable.

I take both of his hands in mine. “It’s just a few bruises Mammon. I promise I’ll be fine. And I’m not mad........I just......no more, ok?”

He nods vigorously in agreement. “I’m so sorry Arianthi. For that and everything else.”

I gently squeeze his hands. “Mammon?”

“Hmmm?”

“Did you mean what you said in the kitchen? About loving me?” I try to keep the hope out of my voice, not wanting to talk myself into believing something that might not be true.

“Y-yeah. Yeah I did.” Mammon is flushed pink to the tips of his ears. He looks into my eyes and nods firmly. “I do. I love ya Arianthi.”

His voice breaks a little and he bite down on his lip. “I’ve been in love with ya for so long I don’t remember what it’s like not to love ya.”

A few tears trail down his cheeks.

“I don’t ever wanna to go back to that,” he whispers. “I don’t ever wanna feel that way again......the way my life was before ya were in it.”

“I love you too, Mammon. So, so much,” I whisper softly.

I love this dorky, greedy, touch starved, math whiz, tsundere demon more than anything in the world.

“I know that Diavolo can ........ wait.... what?” His head snaps up and his blue eyes focus on my face.

“Say that again,” he demands.

“I love you,” I say with a wide smile. “I love you Mammon.”

He lunges towards me and presses a sloppy kiss to my lips. He knocks me over and we cling to each other; me giggling while he drops soft kisses all over my face. We eventually calm down, laying on our sides and gazing at each other.

“I can’t believe ya really love me,” Mammon says, twirling a strand of my hair around his finger, his voice filled with wonder.

“Well you better start,” I respond, booping his nose.

He grins and nips at my finger as I draw it back from his nose. Then his face falls; his brow furrows and he chews on his lower lip.

“I’ve missed ya so much,” he whispers. “I never thought I’d see ya in this room again.”

He brings my hand to his lips and kisses my palm, thinking for a moment before he starts speaking.

“Ya scare me,” he finally says. “Ever since the fall I haven’t ever really met anybody that made me feel like I was worth anything. My brothers think I’m a scumbag loser. Everybody treats me like I’m an idiot.”

“I’m not stupid Arianthi. I’m really not,” he says, his voice thick with tears.

“I know you’re not Mammon,” I tell him, rubbing his arm comfortingly. “You’re clever and you’re funny and I’ve never met anyone who is even half as good at math as you are. Human or demon.”

He swallows hard and keeps going. “I’m not sayin’ that there weren’t people around, ‘cuz there were. But they used me..... for money or to get closer to Lucifer or Satan or Asmo.”

His face flushes red with shame and his jaw clenches.

“......for sex,” he finally whispers.

Oh Mammon. My sweet, greedy demon.

My heart breaks for him, breaks at the raw pain in his voice.

“Then you show up.” He shakes his head and huffs out a laugh. “Ya stood up for me. Nobody ever did that before, not even in the Celestial Realm. I’ve always been the fuck up. But ya never treated me like that. And that was real scary. I kept waitin’ for ya to walk away, waitin’ for ya to figure out how worthless I was. Ya never did, and then ya were scary for a bunch of other reasons.”

He gives me a soft smile.

“I was scared about the end of the exchange, about never seein’ ya again. I was scared that I wasn’t special to ya the way I thought I was, and thought maybe I was just makin’ it all up in my head. Then ya kissed me and I was scared because I didn’t know how to make ya mine and I really, really wanted to.”

He leans forwards and gives me the gentlest of kisses.

“You’re scary as hell baby, because ya keep surprisin’ me. Ya keep doin’ all these things nobody has ever done for me, and makin’ me feel all these things that I’ve never felt before. I love the hell out of ya for it though. Ya make me so fuckin’ happy.”

I hug him tightly, kissing his cheek. “You make me happy too Mammon. You have no idea how happy you make me.”

We stay that way for a little while, happy just to cuddle each other.

“Hey Mammon?” I finally whisper.

“Mmmm?”

“I need to talk to you about something.” I pull away from him and sit up.

He sits up too, frowning at me in concern.

“I don’t want there to be any more secrets between us.”

I chew the inside of my cheek anxiously, debating on how to explain it.

“I don’t like how my body looks,” I say hesitantly. “I don’t like how I look specifically because of how much I weigh. It’s not as bad now, but when I was a teenager it was really bad. I got help for it a few years ago when I was 20, and I’ve really improved, but I still have my bad moments.”

Mammon looks worried and confused. “Baby?

“I would make myself throw up,” I admit quietly. “Every time after I ate, whenever I got anxious about my weight....... I got into a really vicious cycle of not eating for as long as I possibly could and then throwing whatever I did eat.”

He takes my hand. “Oh baby.....”

Realization crosses his face as he puts the puzzle pieces together.

“So on your birthday after I said those things, when Luke told us you were sick.....” he trails off, looking heartbroken. He gathers me up in his arms, pulling me onto his lap.

“Baby, please tell me you didn’t......” he whispers.

“I’m sorry,” I say, not meeting his eyes.

“No. Don’t ya dare ever apologize for somethin’ like that.” Mammon hugs me tightly to his chest. “Have ya done it since then?”

I shake my head.

“Good,” Mammon says. “I want ya to tell me when ya start feelin’ like that alright? I’ll get ya help if ya need it. Whatever it takes to get ya better.”

I nod.

“Say it. Promise me.” He raises his eyebrows at me.

“I promise Mammon.”

“Good girl,” he says, planting a kiss on the top of my head.

I giggle and nuzzle into his chest.

“What’s gonna happen now Arianthi? Are ya finally gonna come home?” He looks down at me hopefully.

“I want to,” I tell him. “But only if Lucifer and the others are ok with it. I said some really messed up things the night I left, and I’ve been ignoring everyone since then. They might not want me back.”

“Of course they do. We all miss ya.” He kisses my cheek.

“Well, I’d like to talk to them first and apologize before I just start moving stuff back into my room.”

“Alright. What’s gonna happen with Diavolo once ya move back in?” Mammon asks, looking at me intently.

I hesitate, trying to organize my thoughts. The momentary pause is long enough for Mammon to start spiraling.

“That was stupid. That was fuckin’ stupid of me to even ask. Of course you’re not gonna leave Diavolo for me. He can give ya anything ya could every want. He’s a goddamn prince and I’m just.......... me,” he whispers softly. “Just Lucifer’s loser scumbag little brother.”

I quickly throw my arms around him.

“Mammon, listen to me.” I give him a soft kiss. “None of that is true. None of it. I want to be with you.”

“For real?” He asks, shocked.

“For real, for real,” I reply, smiling.

He grins back at me. “Holy shit. I can’t believe it.”

I nuzzle my nose against his. “Better start believing it mister. You’re the only demon for me.”

He laughs in delight, holding me close.

“Mammon?” I eventually whisper.

“Hmmmm? What’s up baby?”

“I need to leave soon.”

“Nah, you’re stayin’ here with me tonight.” He smiles and lays back on the mattress, pulling me down with him.

“I need to go back to the castle tonight.”

He scowls at me. “What? Why?’’

He’s feeling greedy, and now he’s getting irritated because he can’t have what he’s greedy for; me.

I hold his hand, rubbing small circles on his palm with my thumb. “I need to talk to Diavolo. I have to explain things to him.”

He pulls away from me, frowning.

“I know you don’t like it but I really do need to explain things to him in person. He’s been so kind to me Mammon, he deserves that much.” I look into his eyes, begging him to understand.

He sighs then wraps his arms around me.

“Alright, go on and do what ya need to do. Tonight he gets ya one last time. But tomorrow you’re all mine,” he mutters gruffly.

I hold him close, knowing how much it costs him to do this, and loving him even more for it.

“I’ll come back in the morning and we’ll talk to Lucifer and the others. We’ll tell them we’re together and that I want to come back.”

Mammon looks at me uncertainly.

“I will be back in the morning Mammon. I promise.”

“Ok,” he finally says, doubt still written all over his face.

He gives me one last kiss and I leave, messaging Diavolo as I walk to the front door. Diavolo meets me outside a little later, automatically putting an arm around my shoulders and pulling me close to shield me from the chill of the Devildom night air.

The walk back to the castle is silent, and neither one of us speaks until we’re safely shut into our bedroom. Diavolo sits in one of the arm chairs, pulling me into his lap. He nuzzles his head into my neck.

“When are you moving back?” He finally asks me, voice low and soft.

I rest my cheek on top of his head. “Tomorrow.”

His arms tighten around me and he lets out an unhappy laugh. “Is it arrogant of me to say that I thought you wouldn’t go back to him? That I thought if I just made you happy enough you’d stay?”

“Of course it’s not,” I tell him, holding him close. “But you deserve someone who can love you with their whole heart Dia. Not just whatever random broken pieces they have left.”

He gives me a small, sad smile. “Would it be pathetic to admit I’m willing to accept whatever you’re willing to give me as long as you just stay?”

“Oh Dia, you should never settle for something like that. You deserve so much more. You deserve someone who is all in.” I tear up.

I hate this. I hate everything about this.

We sit quietly until Diavolo asks, “Would it..... would you ever consider being with both of us?”

I pause, thinking for a moment. “I can’t Dia. If things were different, if it was anyone other than Mammon ............ then I think maybe I could. But I can’t do that with him. Not now.”

He bites his lip and nods.

“I’ll have Barbatos pack your things and send them to the House of Lamentation first thing in the morning.” He pauses, hesitating. “May I ask you for one last thing princess?”

“Anything.”

“Let me make love to you one last time?” He asks softly.

I take his hand and lead him over to the bed. We undress each other slowly, gently worshiping each bit of newly bared skin. He softly presses me down into the mattress and kisses me, lips and tongue soft and teasing. I whimper with desire as his calloused hands skim over my body, each touch a loving caress.

He looks into my eyes as he thrusts into me, holding me tight when I arch up against him. This sex is different from anything else we’ve ever done. Our sex has been rough, experimental, playful, and everything in between, but this is slow, deliberate, sensual. Diavolo uses each thrust of his cock to draw out our pleasure, each of his kisses meticulously placed against my skin and lips.

We cum together, whimpering as we come down from our shared high. He kisses me one last time then pulls me against his chest, curling his body around mine.

“I love you,” he whispers.

I bring his hand up to my lips and drop a soft kiss against his knuckles. His breathing turns slow and steady and I drift off to sleep, lulled by the sound of his heartbeat.

I wake up before Diavolo, dressing quickly and trying to stay quiet.

I want to leave before he wakes up. It will be easier for both of us that way.

I brush his hair back from his forehead, giving him a soft kiss.

“Bye Dia,” I whisper.

I walk slowly to the House of Lamentation, breathing in the crisp morning air. I hesitate at the front door, then call Mammon.

“What?” He mumbles.

“Mammon? Can you come let me in? I’m outside.”

“Y-y-yeah, give me just a second.”

Mammon opens the front door less than a minute later, breathing hard and a huge smile on his face. His hair is messy, eyes still heavy with sleep, and he’s shirtless, wearing only a pair of grey sweats.

He grabs me and picks me up, spinning me around in a circle and laughing. He sets me down and leans his forehead against mine, blue eyes bright with happiness.

“Ya came back,” he whispers. “Ya really came back.”

“I promised you I would.”

He gives me a long, sweet kiss. I can feel his smile against my lips as he says, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too Mammon.”

“Hello Arianthi.”

Mammon and I spring apart as Lucifer looks at us from the doorway. He pushes the door open a little wider, crimson eyes studying us intently.

“Why don’t the two of you come inside so we can talk? I feel like there are a few things I need to be updated on.”

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1the-trash-can1 · 4 years ago

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~ Chapter 7 ~ New Kids ~

⚠Curse Word Warning⚠

⚠Warning: Mentions of disorders; Bulimia, ADHD⚠

----------Katsuki's POV----------

"Denki. Denki. Get your Pickachu ass up now, we have hell to go to." I begin yelling and poking Denki to get up since he is refusing to after clicking 'snooze' on his alarm.

"No, Katsuki. I don't wanna go to Junior year." He begins stirring in his sleep, mumbling incomprehensible words.

"Well, you asshat, we have Triple Dare to do. So, let's get going, I don't care what you wear either." Denki finally gets up and I walk downstairs, heading into the kitchen.

Once I finish cooking breakfast, I hear heavy steps of sneakers down the stairs. Denki walks towards the counter grabbing a plate of food. I watch as he slumps down into his chair and starts eating. He looks real fucking tired, what the hell was he doing all night? Eh, doesn't hurt to ask.

"Hey, Denks, what were you doing all night?" His face lifts up and a slight blush appears on his face.

"U-Uhm, I was on Facetime with Hitoshi." Really. That's what he was doing.

"Maybe you should get some coffee before school, you look like a fuckin' zombie!" I respond, raising my tone of voice louder than I meant for it to go.

"Okay, I get it. Just stop freaking out, not worth it, dude." He goes back to eating, looking slightly upset.

"I didn't mean to raise my voice like that, I'm sorry. Also, did you take your ADHD meds yet?" He looks up at me, before turning to look at the cabinet where they're kept.

"No. I don't wanna, it's annoying enough dealing with it." He snaps back at me with a rude tone, one of his many symptoms if his pills aren't taken.

I walk over to the cabinet despite his protests and jumbled mutters. Denki gets up too, heading towards the sink for a cup of water, though he didn't eat all his food. This will be more of a problem then I thought. See, if Denki doesn't a certain amount of food, he throws up after taking his meds, which doesn't help the fact that he's also Bulimic. So, most mornings I have to force him to eat enough and help urge him out the door before he goes and 'uses the bathroom'.

Grabbing his meds, I notice he is due for a renew of his prescription in about a week. 'I'll make sure he's aware'. Denki walks up towards me and puts his hand out. Looking down at his hand, I shake my head no, motioning towards his half-full plate. He catches on and only grunts in response.

"Denki Kaminari, get your ass over there and eat your damn food, and no, I will not let you take them just so you can go throw-up. All you have to finish is the eggs, that's it. After you're done, you can take your meds, and then we'll leave, 'Kay?" I'm not trying to force food down his throat, but it's practically the only thing that works.

"Fine, but the eggs only. I'm not eating any more than that." I crack a small smile his way as he finishes up his meal.

~~~~~Time Skip~~~~~

Once we arrive at school, I ask Denki if he wants to head into homeroom, or head to the cafeteria and meet Kiri. He quickly responds with a frantic nod. During Summer, Denki had a 'breakdown', meaning, for weeks he wasn't allowed to go out until he calmed down. Eijiro was one of the people he couldn't hang with, so this is their first time seeing each other in weeks.

As we walk to the cafeteria, we take note of the new students, before I spot a tuft of green fluffy hair and bright emerald eyes. 'Izuku?' I politely excuse myself from Kami as he keeps walking, and I head over to where I see Izuku.

----------Izuku's POV----------

"Hey, Izuku, was it?" I turn to the direction of the deep voice.

"Hm. Oh! Yeah, you're the guy from the ice cream parlor, right?" I ignore the close proximity between us and continue to stare as he answers,

"Mhm. I had worked there during the Summer, but it made enough for now. Anyway, what the fuck are you doing here, U.A. I mean? Last time I checked you were with that so-called 'Father' of yours." He begins to walk, motioning me to join him.

"Yeah some 'Father', but I actually made it on a scholarship! Honestly, I didn't think I'd get it." I start with a mumble but finish with a smile on my face.

"Really, what do you do, other than your smarts?" I blush, only looking up to see the smirk on his face.

"U-Uhm, I sing and play guitar, I do art too, but I'm here for my music." As I finish speaking, he leans down and whispers,

"Can't wait to hear a love song, someday." He walks off, towards the cafeteria doors, and leaves me flustered as all hell.

Walking away from the cafe and towards the class 1-A door, I notice a girl sitting on the steps, seeming a little down. Being me I head over towards her, carefully placing down my bag as well.

"Hey, you okay? I'm Izuku Midoriya, and you are?" I place an arm around her shoulders feeling her relax and look up,

"No, I have feelings for someone, but they don't really know me, and almost never talk."

She begins to spill her guts out telling me almost anything and everything about this boy. Mainly her life story, and how this boy 'Iida', has managed to give her a case of the feels. But, as she says, "He's far too strict to the rules, and I highly doubt he's looking for a relationship right now". Poor girl, oh, and her name is Ochaco Uraraka. She's nice and super sweet, so I begin to give some advice.

"Go for it girl, or at least attempt to talk to him. You'll regret it if you don't, and I'm sure he's willing to give you a try, how can someone not want to talk to you?" I try to boost her up a little more, but she still has the same monotone expression.

"I don't know, I might be chosen again for Triple Dare, and I need to prepare for it, only if it happens of course." What the hell is she talking about?

"Triple Dare?" I question.

"Oh, The Triple Dare. It's a competition between the captains of the--" She gets cut off by a boy with red hair.

"Uraraka shut that damn blabbermouth. You know the rules are not to tell the new kids. Also, he's going to be Katsuki's, I'm sure of it, so don't ruin it like what happened between me and Mina, please?" He shoots her a pleading look up the steps.

"Fine. C'mon, Izuku, let's go get to homeroom. Kiri, you coming with?" She turns towards him after getting up.

"Yeah, let's go!"

----------Hanta's POV----------

My first day at U.A. It's exciting really, except for the fact that this Bio teacher, is pretty much the same way the old one was. Luckily, I got to see Kirishima again, actually, he's next to me. I guess he noticed my jacket, It was my varsity co-captain jacket from my old school, he began speaking when he saw my name specifically.

"Wait. You were co-captain? How olds the jacket?" He looked confused almost.

"This is from Freshmen Year. I was supposed to end up Captain, but they thought it was better not since I was transferring the next year." His face quickly changed after the response was said, and he pulled up his phone to a contact that read 'Kats😒💥'. There, he sent a simple message saying, 'Hanta Sero. Triple Dare.'

The response was even simpler.

'All the New Kids, huh?'

|| Word Count || ~~ 1330 ||

#TheTripleDare #bakudeku #kirisero #shinkami #fic

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celestenicolegarcia · 4 years ago

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New Year, Same me. Where is God?

Have you ever felt like you couldn’t get out of a rut? Like anything that you do that usually makes you feel better... doesn't? Yeah, that is me right now. Not for the past few days, weeks, or months. It has been going on for about a year now. It has officially be a year of Covid-19 this March. I can't even tell you how much my faith has been tested from March 2020 to now.

So much has happened in my life in-between that time. Losing family and friends to covid, leaving my band to pursue my own ministry, having a boyfriend I thought was different from the rest of the men I have pursued in the past to only break up with him because of his lies and past trauma, gaining about 50 pounds from stuffing my face, to not eating at all as in going on a perfectly tragic binge episode. Let me tell you, it’s been a wild year. People think automatically that this new year of 2021 is going to change it all and most of our issues will magically go away, but they don’t.

Times like these a lot of people are asking ...”where is God?” “why won't He help us?” or as my atheist friends say “why won’t your daddy God help us that is in the sky like you claim he always does?”. Let me tell you straight up, I don’t sugar coat anything that I say. When people ask me such questions as these I straight up tell them, “God is not to be seen, but to be experienced.” “You can't expect God to make miracles if you don’t have a relationship?” How do you expect to hear from God if you don’t talk to Him?

Let me put this in a more simpler way. In a relationship, ...that requires so much commitment right? As you would with someone you are wanting to get to know, You would ask them questions, Read things that they post about online, Listen to music or watch movies that they like to watch, just so you know what you are getting into by being friends with that person. All in all, you are building a relationship with them. Let me tell you, God is wanting a relationship with all of us, Yes, even those who don’t even know who He is or don’t even believe in Him.

He is waiting patiently by your door, knocking. Not once, not twice, but it could be a thousand times. Sometimes He shows up in our dreams, other times He shows up in the Holy Spirit when you are listening to a friend give you good advice. He is not going to pressure us to have a relationship with Him, He is waiting to be invited in our home, in our life, in our mess.

Don’t get me wrong, I have had my days to where I have straight up said “Where are you God? Why are you doing this to me? Why am I hurting so badly? Why must I suffer?” and then I think why not me? I can think of a countless amount of times where God has saved me from major events. Almost dying in a car crash. Almost getting pregnant. Almost killing myself but He stopped me. My story and what I have been through has all been and turned out for the greater good of God.

God doesn’t make these bad things happen to us, the devil does. He has free reign on the world because we are all sinners. We all sin every single day, there is no way to get out of it. Why you may ask? Because we are human. We were created in the image of God but, we have sinned because of the apple. Read Genesis and you’ll learn more about the lessons of good and evil. Now for someone who isn’t a Christian you might be thinking... The devil Celeste...really? Yes! The devil has free reign on the world that we live in. You have no idea what powerful things are going on in the supernatural realm but there are many things. Of course, God has the say anytime and any place to make something change. It is His world after all. But He can’t change everything in the world and make it perfect. Why? because then if everything was perfect, we wouldn’t NEED a God, a savior, a messiah. Thats why we are here on earth to learn and grow and to see what it means to be one of His children.

When you were a child do you remember that song “He’s got the whole world in His hands?” I know I do. I always thought it was a silly song growing up because I was like how does God have the whole world in His hands? That is too big! God would have to be a giant to do that and it freaked me out so I stopped thinking about it.

It wasn’t until my mid twenties I was born again. That is a whole other story I will get to later on. But the point of what I’m getting here is that yes the world is going crazy right now. There are all of these riots. People killing other people. Racial injustice. LGBTQ injustice. People idolizing presidents and hoping they will change the world like they are our God, but they are not. They are humans just like you and I.

The world is not going to change and it is only going to get worse like the Bible tells us in Revelation 6: 3-4. But there is hope, there is happiness, there is peace, and His name is Jesus Christ. He is there waiting for you. He loves you. He wants to get to know you. He is what happiness is, not your phone, not your money, not your boyfriend or girlfriend, not your husband or wife, not your drugs or alcohol. It is Jesus. He is someone who died to know you and love you.

If you ever get sad about the world or why your life is so tough, I want you to think of something greater we will get to experience. in Revelation 21:4 it is said “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”

Whoever is reading this today I want you to take this home with you, Talk to Jesus. Tell him what’s going on in your life. He wants to hear from you! He is a parent after all, He wants to hear about your day. Good and bad. Maybe you haven’t done it in a while, thats okay! it's never too late. Just tell him “Whats up Jesus, I know it's been a good minute since we’ve spoke but I wanted to tell you that I need you in my life. I need your love, your reassurance, I want you to show me you are real, prove it to me. Give me a sign. Know I am trying to get to know you.”

That is a great start. Just start talking to Him, if you wanna know more about Him, read about Him in the Bible. Jesus is everywhere in the Bible from the book of Genesis all the way to Revelation! I recommend if you are new to the Bible, get the Bible app. It is free and they have a million versions you can do. I suggest NLT or MSG version if you are doing the Bible app. Those are the easiest to understand.

I hope this message today encouraged you, I hope it would let you know that no matter what hardships you are going through in your life, Jesus hasn’t forgotten about you. I know that, even though I deal with an eating disorder I am trying to beat, heartache from losing people I love, dealing with anxiety and depression, nothing is too powerful to keep me from loving my God and my God loving me. If it wasn’t for Him, I wouldn’t be here typing this today.

Much Love,

Celeste

#Christian #Faith #Blog #New #Jesus #Doubt #Trouble #Pain #Suicide #Mentalhealth

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incorrectly-quoted-queers · 5 years ago

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Tagged by @corylion :) Will happily tag @thenorsiest @sporkandpringles @theamazingdearheart and @funky-little-vulcan but literally anyone do it please these are just some peeps off the top of my head <3

This is a fun goofy long post soooo.... enjoy!

1. What is the color of your hairbrush?

I have... three.. but my main one is zebra print

Oh, high school days and my obsession with it

2. A food you never eat?

Animal flesh

...

Though that implies i eat human flesh, i more meant I’m a vegetarian who eats dairy and eggs, just not meat haha

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold?

Literally depends on the season. Winter? Always too cold. Summer? Always too hot. I have a very fickle internal temperature.

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?

Eating eggs and watching a Darkkmane video with my dog and SO

5. What is your favorite candy bar?

OOOOOOHHHH toss-up between Kit-Kat’s and Reese’s Cups

I’m a chocolate deviant

6. Have you ever been to a professional sporting event?

Yes. And I spent all of it in my dad’s business box watching Flash Gordon

7. What was the last thing you said out loud?

“Next time we go to the store, if I get a white onion, you better know I hold grudges and you’ll be eating that taco” (-_- don’t ask)

8. What is your favorite ice cream?

Moose Tracks (but I adore ice cream so all of it’s amazing)

9. What was the last thing you had to drink?

Good old H20

10. Do you like your wallet?

It’s this phone case wallet that’s teal and covered in bicycles. I love it and have had it for like 8 years so I’d say it’s pretty badass

11. What was the last thing you ate?

I just put a peanut into my mouth before typing this sooo.... that

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend?

I don’t really buy clothes all that often. Most all of my clothes are from high school/college or a oh so daring shopping spree I went on last summer just to update some of my worst wardrobe peices (and buy overalls. Overalls are the best)

13. The last sporting event you watched?

A League of Legends Clash tournament....?

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?

Either plain butter or Red Velvet

15. Who was the last person you sent a text message to?

To the SO. I was being tired and annoyed so when I was trying to sleep and he walked out of the room and left the light on I just texted him “Light??” and then he kindly turned it off.

16. Ever go camping?

YES! I never did as a kid but my SO and I love the great outdoors. Our best vacation together was going cross country and camping at a bunch of different landmarks. Now we live in a house in the forest and it’s like we live in a cabin and I love it <3

17. Do you take vitamins?

Yep! Multivitamin every morning.

18. Do you go to church every Sunday?

The only church services I’ve been to are funerals and that one time when I was struggling emotionally and tried to join my friend’s church.

But then they joked about homosexuality being the work of the devil soooo I dipped

19. Do you have a tan?

Absolutely not. I’m actually sun sensitive and have to wear hats in the summer to keep my head safe. I am a pale bitch for life

20. Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza?

HMMMMM hard call. Probably Chinese Food. Family pizza night every week is really awesome and i love it, but Chinese Food is delicious. (And fried sweet and sour tofu can take all my money)

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw?

Noooooo! I don’t even drink soda. But I do have a metal, reusable straw for my giant water container :)

22. What color socks do you usually wear?

Blue? All my socks are patterned, multi-colored ones so it’s never the same. Today I’m wearing ones with penguins on them, and the penguins have scuba gear on.

23. Ever drive above the speed limit?

My first time ever driving I went way over the speed limit.

24. What terrifies you?

Driving.

Also the state of our world and how hard it is to be a creative in it, especially when that’s what I want to do with my life, but hey. I’m not dead i guess

25. Look to your left what do you see?

My other monitor, my computer glasses, my phone, a face mask, head phones, writing gloves, water, and 2 dark chocolate pretzels.

26. What chore do you hate?

Dog yard clean-up (obvious reasons)

27. What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent?

Ummm... they’re from Australia I guess?

28. What is your favorite soda?

I cannot drink soda for my health, but when I take the time to de-carbonate it, root bear, easy

29. Do you go into a fast food place or just hit the drive through?

Neither really. I cook almost everything. But I guess the very rare times I do, we always go in

30. Who was the last person you talked to?

My dog (SO before that)

31. Favorite cut of beef?

None. Veggie gal :)

32. Last song you listened to?

The Weight of Us- Sanders Boehlke

33. Last book you read?

The Testaments- Margaret Atwood

34. Favorite day of the week?

Wednesdays are normally pretty nice, but Saturday is also great

35. Can you say the alphabet backwards?

Yeah but I don’t wanna

36. How do you like your coffee?

Hmmm when it’s tea or hot chocolate instead

37. Favorite pair of shoes?

My blue converse

38. At what time do you usually go to bed?

11-ish

39. At what time do you normally get up?

7:30

40. What do you prefer - sunrises or sunsets?

Sunset. Nights are my favorite

41. How many blankets are on your bed?

Oh my... my SO and I do not share blankets, and our dog has his own. Right now it’s summer so only 4, but in winter we have upwards of 7-8.

42. Describe your kitchen plates?

We have these navy blue, tan, and gray plates that I absolutely love. They remind me of midnight waves crashing onto a beach. Obviously they are just straight lines across the plate, not actual waves, but they are awesome I love them

43. Do you have a favorite alcoholic beverage?

Nooooo not on my health plan

44. Do you play cards?

Yes! We have several decks, but my favorite are the zombie cards

45. What color is your car?

No car. No color. But SO’s car is red

46. Can you change a tire?

Nope

47. What is your favorite province?

UHHHH I assume this isn’t US because we don’t have provinces, but I’ll translate it to states. Just objectively, Michigan because I live here. But i also really adore Washington.

48. Favorite job you ever had?

Probably writing tutor or Communcations aide. I liked doing a wide breadth of writing stuff in my job, and I also enjoyed helping people.

49. How did you get your biggest scar?

Embarrassing. I was on blood thinners because I had a clotting disorder, so I scraped my arm against a door and even though it wasn’t that deep, it bled for hours. I have an inch scar there now.

50. What did you do today that made someone happy?

Made my SO watch a funny video in bed, offered eggs to an internet friend, and gave my sweet doggo a peanut :)

#long post #answers #my answers #share #tag #50 questions #Takes a minute #Meant to be editing #whoops #fun questions

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writingformadderton · 5 years ago

Text

Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself - Prequel (2)

PART 1

Ship: Madderton

Word Count: 11,348

Summary: This fic is one of the two requested prequels for Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself. Richard is struggling with his Eating disorder and Taron tries to support him as good as he can. Richard has a hard time mentally, which affects him and his relationships with Taron and his mother. A friend of him, who’s also his stylist does her best to help him while Taron is away shooting. Taron and Richard take a trip to Scotland, visiting Richards parents.

Author's note: TRIGGER WARNING!!! This fic mentions an eating disorder. Please READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!! If you or anyone you know is suffering from something you don’t like to talk about often because you may not feel comfortable, please do no hesitate to message us! Whether it be anonymous or not, we are here for you and will gladly be a listening ear. We promise to be discreet, attentive, and empathetic. We love you all dearly! Stay safe and stay home!

Based on this request:

Richard styles his hair and tries not to give the rest of his body all too much attention looking in the mirror. He has to pick up Taron from the airport in half an hour and he has very mixed feelings about it. On one side, he’s happy to have him back. He needed his boyfriend and missed him dearly. But mostly, he is afraid. He hadn’t been doing all too well these last three weeks and was able to hide it during phone calls. As soon as Taron would step out of the gates, he would realize what’s really been going on.

Taron was extremely talented in seeing how Richard feels. Richard tried to hide it, using his acting skills. But Taron’s observant eyes see even the tiniest trembling of his hands and smallest hesitation in his answers. He knows him inside and out, and Richard became an open book to him. Which was a relief because he never had to explain much, but it was always scary in bad times.

The ringing of his phone nearly gives him a heart attack and he jumps slightly. Looking at it shortly and seeing it’s his mother, he considers just missing the call and texting her later. He bites his lower lip nervously and plays with his hands while looking at the phone lying at the sink. Ugh, screw it. “Mom?” he takes the call and breathes in deep to control his tired voice.

“Hey, how are you?” Pat asks and listens closely. Richard hasn’t been texting or calling her for the last three weeks. This was never a good sign.

“I’m doing okay. How are you and dad?” he asks and sees he bit his lip too long, a drop of blood slowly spreading over them. Shit.

“We are fine. Richard, are you okay?” she asks again, firmly this time.

“I just told you that.” he says a bit harsher than he wanted to. Richard rubs his face and rolls his eyes at himself. Now his mother was on to him.

“And I told you a hundred times before to be honest to me. Especially about this little problem.”

Richard just laughs pejoratively and walks out of the bathroom. “You still can’t give it a name, huh?”

“What?” Pat asks confused and thinks back to what she said. “You hate talking about it. I don’t wanna call you and ask how you’re handling your eating disorder.”

“Sounds better than always labeling it as my problem, struggle or whatever. That sounds like I’m a problem myself, mum.” he explains and opens the window in their bedroom, trying to breathe in some fresh air. The weather is way too warm and beautiful for his mood today.

His mother remains silent for a short while before speaking again. “I never heard you saying that to Taron. He doesn’t put it into words as well, am I right?”

“What does that have to do with it? T is around me all the time and helps me out when it gets too hard to handle. Of course he won’t put it into words when I’m around him. He knows how hard it is, because he’s helping me.” Rich states and frowns slightly. Where was this conversation going?

“Well I would love to help you, but your boyfriend is the only one you talk to about it. So, don’t come at me with this.” She sighs a bit and stares out of the window. “Taron is coming back today anyway, right? I’ve got nothing to worry about then.”

“Oh, for fucks sake, mum!” he groans and rubs his face. He hates fighting about this with his mother. She would never understand how hard it has been for him to open up to Taron, taking that step to being his boyfriend and actually let Taron in when it hits him the hardest. He gets his mother’s viewpoint but what she forgets was how it made him, a 33-year-old grown man, feel to struggle with something like this and admit it to people.

“What? I know Taron is the only one you let inside and help you to fix it.”

“Seriously, you need to work on your vocabulary for these conversations. I’m not having a problem and I don’t need to be fixed. I’m not broken, mum.” He rests his forehead on his arm, trying to keep his breath under control and cool down with the air from outside.

“That’s what you like to believe.” She hears the annoyed groan of her son. “You know Taron’s help won’t be enough sooner or later. What are you gonna do then? Push it until it’s too late?”

Richard feels himself getting pushed into a corner and he hates it. He needs to stop this immediately before it has an even worse impact on him than it already does. “I need to work.”

“No, you don’t. You have a day off to get Taron.” Pat shakes her head slightly. Her son always tries to get out of their conversations, giving excuses for why he can’t talk right now. “I’m serious, Richard. How long do you think Taron will deal this, huh?”

Richard draws a sharp breath and feels himself getting sick. “What?” he asks lowly and sits down on their bed heavily.

“You heard me.”

“Mum, you-.” Richard takes his phone away from his ear and feels tears burning in his eyes. His mother knows exactly how much Richard worries about the effects it has on Taron. “You can’t just throw the thing I’m most afraid of into a conversation when I’m not doing well.” he says and ends the call without a goodbye. He throws his phone aside and gets up, feeling his chest getting tight. The Scottish feels panic taking over his body and he starts pacing the room, trying to stop it somehow.

His phone rings loudly and he just ends the call without looking at it. Fuck, she did it again. Whenever his mother realized he wouldn’t listen to her or try to get out of the phone call, she did it. She hurt him over and over again, making him believe that Taron would take a step back and break up with him. He knows she doesn’t do it on purpose, but it wrecked him every single time.

Three declined calls later, he slides down on the floor next to their bed and tries to stop himself from crying. His thoughts are racing, but he knows he has to pick up Taron. He doesn’t even know how late it is now. His phone rings again and this time he takes it. His eyes are full of tears and he can’t see who called him. Suspecting it’s his mum, he takes it this time. “Stop calling me, mum. You messed it up and I feel like shit, happy now? I told you a thousand times to stop using Taron to get to me and you’re still messing it up.” There’s a moment of silence, and suddenly Richard fears it isn’t his mother on the line.

“What happened?” he hears his boyfriend ask and curses under his breath.

“Nothing, just got into a fight with my mum.” Richard says slowly leaning back and looking up at the ceiling, shaking his head. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Now Taron knew he wasn't doing so well mentally and started falling back into his disorder behaviors.

“Yeah I got that. I’m at the airport now, should I take a cab, or-?” Taron sits down on a seat and leans against the wall behind him.

“No, I’ll pick you up. I’m sorry, I lost track of time.” Rich pushes himself up and grabs a tissue, walking into the bathroom.

“Richard, are you feeling well enough to drive? I can take a cab, it’s no problem.” Taron urges him softly.

“No, I-.” Richard shakes his head and sniffs when the tears start running his cheeks down rapidly. He buries his face in his hand, taking deep breaths and trying to calm down. He can hear Taron talking to someone and tries to focus again.

“I’ll be home in ten minutes, it’s okay. Whatever happened we can talk about it. There’s nothing that will change anything between us, alright?” Taron says softly and closes the door of the cab behind him. He tells the driver the address of his neighbor a street around the corner, a safety measure they made up with this particular neighbor. Richard just hums a hesitant yes and Taron leans back in the seat. “I love you, Richard. I’ll see you soon.”

“Love you too.” Richard says with a shaking voice and ends the call. “Fuck!” he shouts and slams his hand onto the sink. He changes into sweatpants and a wide sweater quickly. Rushing back into the bathroom, he nearly drops his phone. Richard turns the water on and washes his face. He looks at himself in the mirror and grumbles. “Get yourself together!” he takes advantage of his acting skills and stops himself from crying, clears his throat and blows his nose.

---

Taron opens the front door anxiously and steps inside. His mind is racing, nervous for what mindset he’ll find his boyfriend in. “Rich? I’m home.” he shouts and slides off his shoes. He looks up when he hears him coming down the stairs, appearing in comfy clothes. Taron can see he had gone through a panic attack. The controlled labored breaths, his slightly messy hair, and the way he keeps his hands in his pockets to hide the shaking. “Hey.” He says, voice wavering just slightly.

“Hey.” Rich just says and takes a deep breath smiling a bit at him. “You need something to drink or eat?”

“I need a hug from my boyfriend who I haven’t seen in three weeks.” Taron slowly says and steps closer, hesitating as Richard looks at him a bit startled.

“Ugh god, I’m sorry.” Rich breathes out and wraps his arms around him. “I’m such an idiot. I really wanted to pick you up. I was already ready in the bathroom.”

“It’s alright.” Taron says and holds him close, breathing in his cologne. Rich buries his face in his shoulder and holds him tight. T decides to remain silent and give him the reassurance he needs.

“I didn’t mean for you to find out what happened in such a way.” he says and lifts his head.

“That’s okay.” Taron chuckles softly and his eyes wander all over his face. “How did your mum use me to get to you?” he asks softly.

Richard bites his lower lip. “Whenever she has the feeling I’m not doing well, she tries to make me talk about it. You know how hard this is for me.” Taron nods understandingly. “And then we always get to the point where she doesn’t know how to continue with me.” Rich shakes his head and avoids Taron’s look. “’How long do you think Taron will do this?’ ‘How long do you think he’ll watch it?’ ‘You think he’ll stay if you don’t change something about it?’”

Taron swallows hard hearing that. His mother confronted him with his biggest fear in all of this. “I’m sorry, Rich.” he says and tries to make eye contact again. “Look at me, love.” Richard does, hesitating because of the new formed tears in his eyes. “Your eating disorder isn’t a reason for me to leave you. You are fighting it and that’s all that matters. Sometimes it kicks your ass, but you get back on your feet again.” He lifts his hand and fondles over Richard’s cheek. “I fell in love with you before I knew it. I still loved you when you told me about it. That won’t change.”

Richard nods and blinks away the tears. “I’m just scared of hurting you because of it.”

“One word from you and I’ll drive you to your therapist. We didn’t visit regularly because I wanted to give you the choice to decide when you need an appointment and when not. I’ll only step in if I recognize it’s getting out of control.”

“That’s why I open up to you. Because it’s still my choice afterwards.” he admits and leans his forehead against Taron’s.

Calm down, you're in your safe space again. Taron is the one you can talk to, even on your darkest days. He understands how much pressure work puts on you and what it does to you.

“Take your time and then talk to your mum about it.” Taron suggests and lifts his hand, fondling over his hair.

“Okay.” Richard closes his eyes for a moment and takes in the safety and comfort radiating from Taron. “Hey.” he says softly with a smile and kisses him lovingly.

“Hey.” T whispers and kisses him back sweetly.

“Okay, you want to-.” Richard gets cut off by his phone ringing. He looks at Taron before taking it out. “It’s...my dad.”

“Maybe it’s better to talk to him first.” Taron says and looks at him waiting. “What?”

“I’m gonna put it on speaker so you know what’s going on.” Richard says and Taron agrees. He walks into the living room, pulling T with him. They sit down and he answers the call, putting him on speaker. “Dad?”

“Hey, Rich. Listen, I’m not trying to tell you what to do or get involved in it. But your mum seemed upset.” His father starts and is silent for a moment. “Even though she doesn’t tell you, she feels like you don’t trust her because you don’t talk to her about it.”

Richard leans forward and braces his head on his hands before rubbing it slowly. “Dad, I told her before, it isn’t easy for me.”

“I fully understand it, son. And I respect you for getting help when you need it and opening up to Taron. I’m lucky you two have such a connection. You know I’m glad that you’re brave enough to talk to him about it.” he explains and Richard lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in. “Maybe you could just remember your mum and give her a call sometimes or text her.”

“That has the same outcome every time.”

“What outcome?” he asks confused.

“Me having a panic attack or feeling like shit. Then I get rude and she gets hurt. It wasn’t the first time she said I would lose Taron if I don’t change.” Richard says and glances at T shortly, who’s listening closely and caught up in his thoughts.

“Didn’t know that. - Rich, T won’t leave you. I hope you know that. You’ve gotten better since he’s been here.” he says soothingly, and Taron grabs his hand lovingly. “Are you free next week? You could come over for a few days. We could spend some time together.”

“I-I don’t know. Taron just got home after a three-week shoot. I don’t wanna leave him already again.” Richard looks at Taron, who watches him observantly.

“Well if Taron has nothing against it, you can bring him with you. Haven’t seen him in a while as well.” His father suggests, not letting him go so quickly. Richard looks at Taron who nods, and so he tells his father they would come over. “Take care of yourself, Richard. I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks, dad.” Rich says and they say goodbye. He looks at Taron and sees the thoughtful look he gives off. “What?”

“How were you feeling before your mother’s call?” he asks and watches him closely.

“Do I need to talk about this right now?” Rich leans back and looks up at the ceiling, remaining silent as Taron says nothing. “Fine, what gave it to you this time?”

“This.” Taron carefully strokes his finger over Richard’s a bit bloody lower lip. “This.” He strokes his thumbs over the dark circles underneath his eyes. “This here.” T grabs his shaking hands and squeezes them a bit. “And your blue eyes tell me a story before you can even think about hiding it. The night you stayed up too long after going for dinner with Zoey, who knows about it as well.”

Rich just laughs weakly and opens his arms. He pulls him onto his lap and buries his face in his neck. “I really don’t wanna talk about the last three weeks now. Maybe tomorrow.”

“Okay.” T says and remains quiet for a moment. “Anything I can do to make you feel better?”

“No, it’s enough to be able to cuddle with you.” Rich sighs and gets quiet again.

---

That evening, Taron is confronted with how bad the last three weeks were for Richard. While cooking, Richard opens the window, even though it’s terribly cold outside. He runs around in the kitchen nervously, contorting his face whenever he lifts the pan lid and smells food. When they finally sit down to eat, Richard barely eats and tries to engage him in conversations.

After a while, he stops fully and looks down at his plate shaking his head. “I’m sorry, I can’t finish it.”

“You sure?” Richard nods and looks up with a pained look on his face. “Okay, no problem. You ate something, so that’s all that counts.” Taron says and takes the rest of it onto his plate, sharing a wink.

“I’ll be in the bathroom.” he says and sees how Taron stops chewing and looks up to him. “I won’t throw up, I promise!” he calms him down with a light chuckle and watches him relax in his seat again.

He closes the bathroom door and leans against the door for a moment. He walks over to the window and opens it, breathing in the fresh air. The smell of the food made him sick and turned his stomach upside down. When he feels better he flushes the toilet, closes the window and washes his hands. He avoids seeing his own reflection in the mirror and focuses on the sink and towel in front of him.

Back in the kitchen, he sits down and smiles at Taron who finishes his glass of wine.

---

Richard opens the public bathroom door and stumbles inside of one of the stalls. He closes the door quickly and leans against the door taking deep breaths. Taron was outside talking to his parents and if he took too long either Taron or his dad would come and look after him.

He slides down the wall and wraps his arms around himself. Looking at his watch, he gives himself three minutes. Seeing his mother hugging Taron brought it all back and he feels the panic lying under the surface.

Richard buries his face in his hands and takes deep breaths, telling himself it would be okay. After three minutes he gets up, flushes the toilet and opens the door.

Taron is leaning against the sink countertop with his arms folded in front of his chest. He watches him with a knowing look and it makes Richard freeze. "Told them I'll wash my hands."

"Mm." Richard steps out slowly and turns on the water to wash his hands. "I don't know if this was a good idea." he mumbles and washes his face, cooling himself down.

"I knew you were thinking that. That's why I came looking for you." Taron says and rubs his shoulder lovingly. "Listen, if it gets too much we'll stay in a hotel the next couple of days and enjoy a vacation in Scotland. Just us two."

Richard looks at him and chuckles. "Fine."

"Deep breaths and don't let anything freak you out, babe."

"I'm trying, bub."

---

Having dinner with his parents isn't easy at all. Richard doesn't feel like eating and just shakes his head when his mother wants to fill his plate.

Taron takes over the situation and sits closer to him, putting his plate in the middle of them. "Eat a bit of mine, alright?" they share a small, yet loving glance and Taron sees the agreement in his lover’s ocean eyes. T wraps his arm around him and fondles his hair while pressing a kiss onto his temple.

Rich smiles at him bravely and picks up his fork to try and eat as much as he can without pushing it too far. He stops soon after and Taron assures him it's okay. Richard nods and leans back while chatting with his parents. Hearing that its okay not to finish his plate when he was at least trying, was exactly what he needed. He needs reassurance. He needs to know that his efforts are seen. And that was always easy around Taron.

After dinner, Taron leans against Rich. T wanted Rich’s parents see that he needed Richard and loved him just as much. Letting Richard hold him sent the message that the love was mutual and constantly growing. His boyfriend presses a kiss to his hair and he smiles, grabbing his hand. Taron closes his eyes and feels himself getting tired.

"Tired?" Rich asks and looks down at him. The way Taron is sinking more and more into his arms gave it straight away.

"Mm. I'm still a bit jet lagged because of Tuesday."

"It was two days ago, that's normal." Richard states and runs his fingers through his hair calmingly. "I'm tired as well. Let's go to bed earlier today." Taron hums agreeing and opens his eyes again. He looks up to him and Rich leans down to kiss him softly. Richard wraps his arms around him and pulls him on his lap.

---

They lie down and Taron turns to his side watching his boyfriend, who's staring at the ceiling and tapping his fingers on his chest nervously. "So far so good, don't you think?"

"Yea." he says and bites his lower lip.

Taron pushes himself up on his elbow and taps his finger on Richard’s lips. "You're gonna bleed again." Richard stops and looks at T who's hovering over him now. "What's going on in your mind?"

"Nothin'." Richard says and avoids his look again. "Can we sleep now?"

"Hm okay." Taron says and moves to kiss him goodnight, but Richard turns his head to the side and reaches out for the light. T pulls back a bit startled and watches him sitting on his knees. The light goes out and Taron lies down frowning.

"Night." Richard says and turns around.

"Night." Taron mumbles and stares at the back of his boyfriend. He decides to let him be and give him his time. Today was more emotionally stressing for Richard than he cared to admit. "You know you can talk to me right?" he says after a while.

"I don't wanna talk about it right now." Richard spits out harshly and cursed at himself immediately after. "Sorry."

But Taron just turns around and pulls the blanket closer around himself. He doesn't answer to this and Richard doesn't try it again.

---

The next morning, Richard locks the bathroom door behind himself as he goes for a shower and Taron remains in bed staring out of the window. There was no hello or good morning kiss for him today and it made his heart ache a bit. He could cope with it better had he not been away for a while before.

When Richard steps out of the bathroom, he's fully dressed and pretends to search for something in his suitcase when Taron gets up and passes him to go for a shower.

"Morning to you too, Richard." Taron just says and closes the door behind him before he can say anything.

Rich looks up a bit confused. It wasn't Taron’s normal behavior to call him Richard. It happened rarely and always had something either calming, important or some madness behind it. He sighs and steps out of the room, going downstairs to greet his parents.

His father starts to talk him into walking a bit in the hills when Taron comes down the stairs. Richard gets distracted looking at his boyfriend wearing tight black jeans and a white shirt. T sits down next to him and greets Richard's parents. Rich can smell the shampoo and sees his hair is still a bit wet in the back of his neck. He lifts his hand to stroke over it and T flinches at his touch.

Richard’s father notices the way Taron grabs his coffee tightly and how his son pulls back his hand bracing his head on it now. Something was wrong between them. "Why don't we go and take Taron with us?"

"Huh? Where do you wanna take me?" Taron asks confused and looks at Richard shortly who remains silent.

"I asked Richard if he wants to go for a walk in the hills at the cliffs."

"I think that's a good idea. Some fresh air." Taron says and finishes his coffee.

Richard glances at him and nods slowly. Fresh air. The question was who needed to calm down? "Fine."

---

An hour later, they drove to the cliffs and start walking through the green hills. Taron actually enjoys the fresh air and green landscape around him. It takes his mind off yesterday. Richard and his father are talking beside him and he barely listens. Richard’s father asks him questions on occasion and they talk for a bit, but Taron is quiet most of the time.

They sit down in the grass after a while and Richard’s father recognizes once more the hesitation between those two. "I don't want to invade your privacy, but did you two get into a fight?"

"Not yet." Richard says and looks down at the grass. "We'll see how it goes."

Taron looks at him with raised eyebrows and feels his blood starting to boil. He pushes himself up and looks at Richard’s father. "I need a moment."

Rich looks after him and rubs his face tiredly. "You two should talk." he hears his father saying and shakes his head, still watching Taron walking away. "Come on, go and talk to him." he pats his back and Rich gets up groaning, following Taron.

---

Taron stops walking after a while and shakes his head angrily. He puts his hands into his pockets and stares at the ocean in front of him. "What do you want?" he spits out as Richard comes closer.

"Can we talk?" Richard asks and steps next to him.

"'Bout what?" T asks and doesn't look at his boyfriend standing beside him.

"Okay, seriously. What's going on?" Rich growls a bit and watches Taron closely.

"Everything was alright when we were around your parents and as soon as we were alone, you shut me out. I get it that you didn't want to talk but no goodnight kiss, not even a good morning? And now this here." Taron says and feels himself getting upset. "Listen, you didn't tell me what was going on in the time I was away, but somehow you expect me to get it immediately." he feels tears burning in his eyes and takes a deep breath. "And I don't know if I did something wrong because your last comment sounded like I did." he throws his arms in the air helplessly and looks at Richard, who remains silent watching him. "Please don't go silent on me now." he says and presses his lips together.

"What do you want to hear?" Rich asks and turns towards him fully now.

Taron lets out a weak laugh and looks up into the sky. "Okay, sure." he just says and shakes his head a bit.

"I'm sorry, Taron. I told you that yesterday." he says and folds his arms in front of his chest as if to protect himself. "What should I do?"

Taron turns towards him now and watches him with tears in his eyes. "I have no problem with you going through a rough time and needing space, you know that. But is it really too much to ask from you to say good morning or give me a kiss before going to bed?"

Richard swallows seeing Taron’s trembling lips and shakes his head. "No it isn't. I'm sorry, T."

"We've been apart for a few weeks and I need you close at the moment. You're my safe space and I just need my boyfriend." A tear escapes his eyes and rolls down his cheek, tightening Richard’s throat. "Please don't push me away and then search for me as soon as others are around. If you need me, I don't want it to be because of others, but because we're in love and stick together." his voice gets thin and another tear rolls down his cheek. "You and I, right?" he asks timidly.

Richard feels himself getting emotional and just wraps him into a hug hesitantly. Taron wraps his arms around him and waits for a moment. "I'm so sorry, love. I didn't mean to hurt you." he nestles his face in Taron’s shoulder and holds him tight. "Of course it's you and I." he whispers and Taron relaxes in his arms, burying his face in his shoulder.

"I didn't wanna cause a scene, but it just got too much after all this time we spent apart." Taron explains and lets out a relieved sigh from being in his arms again.

"It's alright. Your feelings are important as well." Richard rubs his back smoothly. "I'm sorry I got so weird. I need you just as much." he pulls back and looks at Taron who does the same. Richard cups his face and leans his forehead against Taron’s. "Please forgive me." he whispers and his thumbs stroke over the tearstains on Taron’s cheeks.

"Already did." T whispers back and bops his nose against Richard’s. "Let me help you, please."

Rich says nothing and kisses him softly. He continues stroking his cheeks and kissing him tender. "I'll try."

Taron plays with the hair at the back of his neck and looks deep into his lover’s blue eyes. "That's a good start."

"You wanna walk for a bit and I'll tell you what happened?" he asks and watches his boyfriend closely. "My dad is taking a nap anyways."

"Okay." Taron says and lets go of him.

Richard looks at him and stretches his hand out hesitating. "Can I hold your hand?"

"Of course, love." Taron chuckles softly and interlocks their fingers. They start walking around a bit and Taron remains silent, giving him time to think about what he wants to tell him.

After a while, Richard seems to make his mind up about it and starts talking. "It was more mentally challenging than physical this time, which scared me. You know I can handle feeling sick or throwing up and getting better slowly throughout the day. But this time was different."

"How do you mean mentally?" T asks and stops walking when he sees the tears in Richard’s eyes.

"I'm a mess at the moment." he presses out, thinking back at the time he spent alone.

***

Richard comes home from dinner with Jamie and groans softly while taking off his jacket and shoes. He didn't eat all too much the last days, so a normal dinner was way too much for his body. But Jamie doesn't know about his eating disorder and he didn't want to skip it. Jamie was flying back home tomorrow.

He feels full and his stomach hurts badly. Richard takes a glass from the kitchen and fills it with water, walking upstairs. He gets rid of his jeans and sweater, falling into bed only wearing a shirt and boxers. Richard covers himself with the blankets and runs his fingers through his hair, turning on his side. The loud ringing of his phone interrupts the silence and Richard quickly takes the call to make it stop.

"Hey, love. I hope I didn't wake you up!" Taron says worried.

"No, it's fine. Just came back from dinner with Jamie. What's going on?" Richard asks and turns onto his back again.

"Just needed to hear your voice." Taron admits softly and leans back against his pillow.

"Rough day?" Rich asks with a soft smile on his lips and gets up to open the window a bit.

"Let's call it hectic." Taron giggles. "I just miss you."

"I miss you too, bub. But we already have the half behind us." Rich calms him down and goes back to bed.

"Yeah, how are you?"

"Pretty tired." Richard says and he isn't lying. He is tired, but he doesn't want to worry Taron with how exhausted he really is.

"Aw, I should let you sleep then. I'll call you tomorrow, I love you!" Taron says and tries to sound happy.

"I love you too and we'll see each other soon." With that Richard ends the call, turns to his side and switches the app.

Taron looks at his phone a bit sad and lies down with it in his hand. He opens his photo gallery and searches for the album with all their pictures. But before he can watch them to calm his mind, Richard’s name appears on his screen again. This time it's a video call and Taron takes it immediately.

"See you soon." Rich says and winks at him. Taron’s eyes light up as he lies on his side and watches him on his screen. "You're so cute looking like that."

"You're cuter wrapped up in the blanket looking sleepy." Taron mumbles adoringly.

They keep on talking sleepy nonsense and Richard slowly falls asleep. T starts singing when he notices and it doesn't take long for Richard to be in a deep sleep.

Taron knows Richard’s phone will turn itself off in 15 minutes and so he cuddles into his blanket and watches him sleep peacefully. He falls asleep before the 15 minutes are over, the image of his boyfriend giving him complete peace.

---

Richard wakes up in the morning with a hurting stomach and stays in bed after turning off his alarm. He feels sickish while getting up and brushing his teeth. Taking a shower isn't helping. The steamy air in the bathroom only makes him feel worse.

Seeing himself in the mirror while taming his curls, he swallows hard. He shouldn't have looked at all. His reflection in the mirror was one of those things he hates the most whenever he slipped back into his old behaviors. It disgusts him seeing himself and sometimes Richard genuinely wonders how Taron could love him this way. Taron’s lips wandered over all his most intimate spots and never has he ever looked at him the way he did at himself. A secret to Richard. He can barely draw his eyes from the mirror even though he doesn't like what he sees and he realizes once more that people can't stop staring at stuff that they don't like.

He dresses himself for the day and goes downstairs into the kitchen to drink some coffee. But as soon as he takes the first gulp, he retches afterwards and contorts his face. "Okay, no coffee today." he groans and pours it down the sink.

He puts on his shoes and jacket, grabs his keys and leaves the house. In the car, he listens to Taron’s version of Tiny Dancer. Hearing his voice always makes him feel a bit better. Richard sings along to the tune bored, and he knows Taron would squeak around now and look at him with his big puppy eyes. Richard giggles at the thought, knowing T loves his singing.

Arriving on set, he has ten minutes to get ready for make-up. Then the costume for today and off he goes to deliver a good performance. He's wrecked before lunch break. His sickness had gotten worse and he feels dizzy because he hasn't drank anything yet. The tight suit isn't helping and he's lucky to take it off during the break. While the rest of the crew goes out to eat, he goes back to his trailer. Inside, he just slides down the door and leans against it. He wraps his arms around his stomach and taps his left foot nervously on the floor.

Don't give in. Don't just throw up. It doesn't make everything better. You're nervous about this stupid role, about mean comments from people and that's all. No need to stop eating whenever no one is around.

Twenty minutes later, he's pacing the little bit of room he has in his trailer trying to stay away from the bathroom. He gets his phone out and dials Taron’s number, but his boyfriend doesn't take the call. He was probably busy on set as well.

Another twenty minutes later he lies on the sofa, tucked up legs and closed eyes. Trying to relax and sleep, with an set alarm, could help him to get his head off it. But after what feels like five minutes he has to turn the alarm off and go back on set.

He walks into the dressing room and takes his suit from Zoey. Richard gets it on and lets her do the rest. She has a preferred way to close the buttons of the shirt and jacket, pull at the sleeves, and check the trousers.

She frowns a bit looking at him. "I think I got a suit that's too small. Look at the sleeves, way too short. Isn't it a bit tight?"

"It is." he agrees and Zoey watches him frowning.

"Give me a second." she disappears into the adjoining room and comes back with the same suit but a size bigger. "Try this on, Rich."

Richard changes the suit and can finally breathe properly again. He steps back in the room and Zoey nods agreeing, showing her thumbs up. He lets her close the buttons and watches her doing it.

Zoey worked on set often with him and she recognized the changes his body went through whenever he wasn't feeling well or fighting against his eating disorder. So one day, Richard opened up to her and she promised she would tell no one. That was five years ago and now she works on every set he’s in and takes care of covering up his insecurities whenever he had to attend any premiere or event since then. Taron met her a few times and is glad that he has somebody who takes care of him with the clothing.

She finishes the last button and looks up to him. "I hope you know I meant its too tight. The sleeves were too short and you couldn't move properly in it."

"I know, don't worry." Rich calms her down.

She takes his left arm and fixes the buttons on the sleeve. "You're going through it at the moment, am I right?" he raises his eyebrows at her surprised. "The suit sits perfectly everywhere." She points at his stomach. "And here it's a bit loose." she looks at him shortly. "And you can't keep still for a bloody minute."

Richard nods slowly and says nothing as she fixes the other sleeve. "I'm trying not to slip back into it." he finally admits.

"Does Taron know about that?" she asks and gets on her knees to look if the trousers are the way she made them to be.

"Not yet. He should be able to focus on his work. He'll be back in 10 days anyways."

"You do know how long 10 days can be? If it helps, we can meet up for dinner today." she suggests and checks his hair.

"We could." Richard says slowly and nods. Maybe this wouldn't be a bad idea and Taron wouldn't interpret anything in it if he knew about it later. He knows about Zoey and knows she's just a friend trying to help.

"You look a bit pale. You sure you're okay?" he just nods and avoids her look now. "Well then, off you go."

---

The afternoon is horrible and the urge to throw up gets stronger. As soon as Zoey got him out of his suit, he felt like throwing up right there on her floor. They go out for dinner in a lovely little restaurant and Richard can barely cope with all the different smells. After eating enough to get through with it, he excuses himself and goes to the bathroom. Luckily no one is inside and he crouches down in front of the toilet.

"Please don't." he begs himself and tries to stop himself from retching. "Don't." he buries his face in his hands and his breathing gets faster. Panic is settling in. He doesn't want to fall back into it. But it doesn't take long and he throws up, getting rid of everything he kept in today. Afterwards, he gets up groaning and flushes the toilet. He washes his hands, drinks water to get rid of the taste in his mouth and slaps his cheeks a bit to stop himself from looking pale. "Come on, you can do it."

Getting back, he sits down heavily and tries to blend out all the different smells around him.

Zoey watches him closely and stops eating. "Please tell me you didn't."

"Sorry." he mumbles and avoids her look now.

"You really thought you could fool me with patting your cheeks after being away for ten minutes?"

"I guess." Richard just says and looks at her finishing her wine.

"You're staying home tomorrow."

"Zoey."

"No. I'll tell them you looked sick yesterday and need the rest of the week off. You should focus on yourself, talk to Taron, get some fresh air. Eat." she says and takes out her phone.

Richard grabs it softly and shakes his head. "Isolation is the most stupid and risky thing you can do to me."

She looks into his feared blue eyes and sees he means it. "You can't keep on doing everything like nothing's wrong."

"And you can't stop me from living a normal life. I need a routine, contact with people where I have to act normal."

"Don't say normal, you're not a freak." she squints her eyes and grabs her phone back.

"Yes I am, it's okay. I can cope with it." he says firmly.

"What does Taron say about this? You think he'd be with a crazy person?" she asks honestly, but bites her lip when she sees his look.

"That was mean towards the people who suffer from an illness that drives them crazy." he states and leans back. "And I don't know what's going on in his head."

"Richard, you are loved and you can get help wherever you want to."

Richard looks away from her and shakes his head, feeling his throat getting tight. "I don't deserve to be loved. Especially not from him." he simply says and can barely look at her.

Her face goes blank and shock settles in her eyes. "What? Stop that bullshit right now. Taron loves you with all of his heart. You deserve to be loved. More than many other people I know." she leans forward and looks at him seriously. "Richard, you are not broken or a problem, you hear me? You have the right to feel shitty and fight against something, just like any other person. Don't drag yourself down that way."

He blinks away the tears that brimmed his eyes and takes a deep breath. "I don't think about it that way. And that's the main problem."

"Then you need therapy and work on your self-esteem."

Richard just lets out a dark laugh and stares out of the window. Of course. "What exactly do you think I'm doing on the days where I can't appear on set because of an appointment?" he slowly looks back at his friend and raises his eyebrows, challenging her statement.

"Hm, I don't know what kind of appointments an actor like Richard Madden has to attend to most of the week. Probably the same as other actors in his range." She raises her eyebrows challenging him as well.

"Fair point." he just grins and rolls his eyes. "I'm trying, Zoey. I do everything I can about it." She watches him and he sees the worry in her eyes. "Please don't." he says softly.

"What?" she asks confused.

"Please don't look at me like that." he sighs.

"Like what, Rich?" she laughs a bit and gets out her purse as she sees the waiter coming towards them.

"Like you're worried about me. There's no need to worry." he says and moves to get his wallet but realizes it's gone and lying next to Zoey.

"You're my friend. I'll always worry about you, dumbass." she smiles at the waiter in front of her. "I'm paying."

Rich rolls his eyes when she quickly hides his wallet and pays for them both. As soon as he's gone, he looks at her annoyed. "I told you before not to pay for my meals."

"I'm paying because I brought you to a restaurant where the food is so shitty you don't wanna keep it in." she throws him back his wallet and gets up.

"Ouch." he just says and sees how she realizes what she just said.

"Oh god I'm sorry." she says and presses her hand in front of her mouth.

"Forget it." he laughs and hands her her coat.

"That's the second rude thing I said today." she says and giggles a bit.

---

Richard can't sleep that night and paces through his bedroom. He stares out of the window, looks at the stars, taps bored and nervous rhythms with his fingers on the window or scrolls through his phone. Nothing helps until Taron, who's one hour ahead of him, sends him a voice mail. He gets his air pods and connects them with his phone.

"Morning, love. Hope you're alright and your dinner with Zoey was fun yesterday, already in the news." he giggles shortly and Richard lets out a groan. "I'll have to be on set the whole day so I thought I'll send you something. I'm so sorry that I missed your call. You're probably asleep, or at least you should be at 4am." Taron goes on rambling something about his upcoming day and Richard lies down listening to his still a bit sleepy sounding boyfriend. "I love you and I miss you so much! Can't wait to see you again, baby."

Richard texts him "I love you!" and stares at the ceiling. Only a second later Taron calls him and Richard takes it. "Yeah?"

"Richard. Madden." His tone is meant to be stern, but it’s not working very well.

"What?" he laughs.

"Why the fuck are you awake? You don't have to be on set before nine!" Taron says shocked. "Did you just wake up or never went to bed?"

"You'd prefer me lying now." Rich giggles and Taron groans.

"Ew go to bed. You're gonna be so fucked on set later." Taron giggles as well now and rolls his eyes.

"You think I should stay home?" Richard asks, thinking back to the previous evening.

"That's your choice. If you feel like staying home, do it." T is interrupted by talking to someone. "Gotta go, I love you!"

"Love you too, bubs. Stay safe." he says and Taron ends the call.

---

Back on set, he drinks a coffee while Zoey fixes his trousers. She sees the way he contorts his face and tries to convince himself that he needs it. "Didn't sleep?"

"Not really." he says and takes another swallow. God this was disgusting!

"You look like you hate coffee! What's wrong? I know you love it usually!" she laughs when he makes a funny face and sticks his tongue out at her.

"Yeah but not when I'm not doing well. Ugh that's so gross." he puts it aside and shakes his head.

She just laughs and watches him closely. "You should let somebody from the makeup team cover up those rings under your eyes."

"That bad?" he asks and contorts his face.

"Let's say you're close to a panda bear." she ducks away as he punches her playfully before laughing.

***

Richard tells Taron everything and opens up completely. They sat down in the grass facing each other. Taron has his legs tucked up and his head is resting on his knees while he listens closely.

Rich gets lost sometimes or takes a break thinking about how to continue. He focuses on his boyfriend’s eyes. The softness and understanding in them is the reassurance he needs. He tells him about the nights he stayed up, the talk he had with Zoey, the times he couldn't look at himself or felt like giving up.

When he's done he looks at Taron who watches him with a sad smile. "Do you really think you don't deserve to be loved?"

"Sometimes." Rich nods and bites his lower lip.

Taron sits between Richard's legs and looks straight into his eyes. He cups his face soft and hesitant.

"What are you doing?" Richard mumbles and lets his eyes wander all over his boyfriend’s face.

Taron leans forward, looks at him for one last time and connects their lips for a sweet and loving kiss. He pulls back and looks at him closely. "Does this feel wrong?" Richard shakes his head. He fondles over his cheek. "This?" and again he shakes his head. Taron lifts Richard’s hand and lies it on his cheek. He strokes over his hand that's cupping his face now and places a tiny kiss on the palm of his hand. "This here?" Rich shakes his head again and looks at him a bit confused. "As long as this here doesn't feel wrong, you fully deserve my love." Taron says and Richard sees the tears in his eyes. "I love you and you are worth every second I spend with you."

Richard bites his lower lip and feels tears burning in his eyes. "But you're not worth of my love." he studies Taron’s face which goes blank for a moment. "I am here for you on one day and then I push you away on others. What kind of love is this? You absolutely deserve better."

"Stop saying you're worse than me. Because you clearly are not. And you're right, I don't deserve it because on good days you show me so much love and on the bad ones you're trying to protect me." Taron shakes his head slightly and makes eye contact again. "But I told you the night before we got together, you don't have to always protect me. Not from yourself." he catches a tear with his thumb and looks at him smiling softly. "Come here." he says barely audible.

Rich pulls him into a hug and buries his face in his shoulder. He starts crying and lets go of all the stress and loneliness he felt the last few weeks. Taron soothes him while holding him close and, once more, he realizes it's important to open up and talk about what's going on in his head.

---

That evening, Richard lies awake next to Taron, who already fell asleep a little while ago. Their hands are tangled underneath the blanket and they're closer than ever. It takes him a while to fall asleep and he's glad when he recognizes himself drifting off finally.

He wakes up later when he hears Taron whimpering next to him. Richard pushes himself up on his elbow and carefully strokes over his shoulder. "Taron?"

But T doesn't give an answer and pants softly. Richard turns on his bedside lamp and sees that Taron is still deep asleep. "Oh shit." Richard curses as Taron starts panicking in his sleep. He sits up and leans over him fondling over his hair. Sometimes he managed to calm Taron down in his sleep.

"No, no, no." Taron begs and single tears roll down his cheeks. Then he screams his name and Richard jumps shocked.

It scared him every time Taron tried to reach out to him in his sleep and screamed for him full of panic. The bedroom door gets opened abruptly and his father looks at him shocked. "What's going on?"

"Nightmare." Rich just says focusing on his boyfriend. "Taron love, wake up." he says and rocks him softly. He doesn't want to bring him back into reality in a forceful way, but he can't leave him trapped in his nightmare. Taron sucks in air and jumps up, his head crashes against Richard’s chin, who lets out a pained groan. "Careful." he moans and sees the panic in his boyfriend’s eyes. Richard sits between his legs now and cups his face. "You're back. Everything is okay. You're with me now."

"I-fuck, Rich." Taron sighs and sinks his head against his chest.

Richard fondles over his hair calmingly and places a soft kiss in his hair. "It's okay, you're safe now." he assures him and Taron wraps his arms around him longing for his touch. Richard hears his father closing the door and focuses on Taron again. He's covered in sweat and trying to get air in his lungs. "Hey, breathe."

Taron sniffs and holds him closer as he starts shaking. He cries silent tears into his chest and feels Richard pulling back.

"Oh love, don't cry. Everything's alright, it was just a dream." Rich promises and wipes away his tears.

"I lost you." Taron chokes out and can't look into his eyes. He feels Richard cupping his face and turning him back, so he's facing the baby blue eyes of his boyfriend.

"You won't. I'm here." he says and kisses him softly. "Come on, you need a shower." He carefully helps him out of bed and into the bathroom. Richard undresses Taron carefully, along with himself, and steps into the shower. He turns it on and Taron searches his touch, leaning against him exhausted. The Scottish shampoos him, holds him close, mumbles soft words in his ear and rubs loving tiny circles on his back.

Afterwards, he dresses Taron with a shirt of himself, knowing T needed this after such a dream. He dries his hair and Taron hugs him as he dries his own curls. Richard puts the dryer aside and looks down at Taron who is staring up at him. "Alright?" T nods and looks deep into his eyes, his own filling with longing. Richard starts stroking through his fluffy warm hair and kisses his forehead, nose, down to his lips. They share the sweetest kiss they had in a while and Taron cups his face, keeping him where he is. After a while, Richard walks him back into the bedroom and lies down with him. He wraps the blanket around his boyfriend and let him lie on him fully.

---

Taron wakes up in his boyfriend’s arms the next morning, still cuddled into him and he smiles to himself. He rolls off from him carefully and moves to get up when he feels Richard wrapping his arms around him and pulling him back. He falls back laughing and lies on top of Richard again. "I need a shower, love."

"Don't care." Rich mumbles and holds him tight. "We can shower together later." he turns them on their sides and buries his face in Taron’s neck.

"It's already 9am. Your mum wanted to have a nice breakfast with us all." Taron says and smiles brightly. It feels good to have Richard wanting him near and by his side.

"You do realize that my parents don't eat breakfast at 9am when they are off work?" he giggles softly. "They're gonna set up the table at 10, believe me." T lets out a soft groan and relaxes in his arms. "Enough time to cuddle."

Taron turns around in his arms and looks at him with raised eyebrows. "Someone's needy for cuddles."

"Fuck off, you're staying here." Richard says and looks at him with a bright grin as Taron cracks up. He closes his eyes again and enjoys the comfortable cuddle they share.

Taron studies every inch of his man's beautiful face and feels proud. He was the one that won Richard’s heart and kept it. It still amazes him that out of anyone a guy like Richard could have he picked him. "I really don't get it." he mumbles thinking out loud while stroking his finger down Richard’s nose and bopping the tip of it.

Rich opens his eyes and looks at him confused. "What?"

"Why I'm your boyfriend." T says caught up in thoughts and continues bopping his nose. "You could have had anyone. I mean you look stunning. You're a cutie and those blue eyes...Well pour hot soup in my lap I would apologize to you."

"What?!" Richard starts laughing now. "You started so cute and then you showed me once more how crazy you are."

"Crazy bout ya." T says and giggles softly when Rich fondles over his nose just like he did before.

"Why are you my boyfriend? You're a great listener, a real softie. You can somehow read my current mood from my eyes which I hate because that means I'm shitty at acting." he makes a funny face knowing T would react to the last statement.

"That's not true! You're amazing at it and you know that. You and your golden globe." Taron protests laughing.

"You can be the cutest, cuddly puppy sometimes but when I need you to help me, you're there and focused. You have a very beautiful voice, my favorite smile in the world, and your eyes are so gorgeous." Rich smiles at his blushing boyfriend who has tears in his eyes. "And I love it when you blush and start crying when I say something nice." he whispers and T giggles softly. "And I guess those are some of the reasons you're my boyfriend."

"I love you." Taron breathes out and starts playing with Richard’s hair.

Rich leans forward and connects their lips. He places soft and loving kisses on Taron’s lips, being gentle but longing. "I love you too."

Taron leans his forehead against Richard’s and cuddles into him. "Thank you for taking care of me last night."

"Of course." Rich just says and kisses him, needing to feel his lips again.

---

Downstairs, Richard can't help himself and looks towards the stairs as Taron comes down, wearing his dark green sweater and a pair of sweatpants. He absolutely adores it when Taron wears his clothes, he looks so good in it. He pulls him on his lap and presses a big kiss on his lips, smiling.

"What put you in such a good mood?" T asks curiously and watches him happily.

Rich kisses him again, not giving a care in the world that his parents sit opposite them. "You." Taron looks up to him adoringly with dreamy eyes.

"What would you do without him, huh?" his mother asks and Richard thinks about a suiting answer.

"That's what I'm asking myself so often. What would I do without you, cutie?" Taron says and strokes his cheek, kissing him again. Rich tries not to laugh at that and buries his face in Taron’s shoulder shortly, which gives him enough time to use his acting skills and stop himself from laughing.

His mother comes back with some coffee and pours her son a cup. "No, thanks mum." he mumbles and gets a confused look from her.

"I thought you love coffee?"

"Yeah, just not now." he says and avoids his parents looks. "Upsets my stomach at the moment."

T looks at him shortly and grabs his hand underneath the table. So he didn't only throw up once while he was away. The problem about all of this was that Richard sometimes started to eat a bit less every day, which goes unrecognized by both of them. It usually happens when the pressure on set gets too much or a certain scene or event is coming up. If he eats a bit more again and feels too full, he starts restricting and then it becomes dangerous. When he's at that stage, he'll start eating normal amounts in front of others and next to nothing as soon as no one's looking. This leads to the terrible stomachaches and throwing up when it becomes too much.

"Okay, then don't drink it." his mother says with a soft smile and takes it away.

---

Later that day, Richard is sitting on a blanket underneath a tree in their garden, Taron between his legs. He has his arms wrapped around him and T has his head rested comfortably on his chest. Taron fondles over his arms and Rich places a kiss in his hair.

"Something's wrong with me." Rich mumbles.

"How do you mean?" Taron asks confused and turns his head to the side a bit, looking up to him.

"I mean, it isn't normal what I'm doing to myself over and over again, even though I hate it and I don't want it in my life." Richard looks down at him now and shrugs his shoulders. "Makes no sense."

"Do you trust me?" Taron asks and sits up now, turning to his side and rests his head on Richard’s lap.

"Yeah, of course I do, stupid." he says lovingly and starts playing with Taron’s hair, who's grinning at the "stupid".

"Good. So trust me, there is nothing wrong with you."

"Don't say that, you know it's not true. You have no single flaw, you're normal." The Scottish says and runs his fingers through Taron’s hair now, massaging his scalp a bit.

"Who is the one that hits his boyfriend in his sleep because he has a nightmare? Who stays up for hours because he can't calm down?" Taron raises his eyebrows at him, trying to show him he has flaws as well. "Or being clumsy as hell, being messy as soon as you aren't around and so on."

"It happens. And you're actually adorable when you need me to hold you." Rich chuckles softly. "Or when you hit your head and need a hug. It's cute."

Taron starts laughing. "What?" he shakes his head furiously. "No stop it."

"Why should I?" he asks giggling.

"Listen, Richie you are who you are. And I fell in love with you a long time ago." Taron states and grabs the hand that's lying on his stomach. He relaxes into Richard’s gentle touch on his head and smiles up to him. "Don't worry so much about it."

"I just don't wanna feel this way anymore." he sighs and leans back against the tree. "I think I should meet with my therapist again. I don't know how long I'm able to fight it alone anymore. I don't need a hard phase right now."

"We'll call him as soon as we're back home." T says and Richard smiles thankful.

---

Two months later, Richard is pacing his dressing room and feels sick again. But this time it's because he's nervous, like always before a premiere.

"Richard, I swear, sit down!" Zoey lets out a frustrated groan while searching for something in her bag. Richard just rolls his eyes and continues his nervous behavior. "Taron, please." she begs T who sits on the sofa not stopping Richard.

"Come here, love." Taron says and pats his lap. He knows Richard starts running around when he's nervous and he always lets him do it. But with Zoey trying to focus, it wasn't the best option at the moment. His boyfriend falls into his lap heavily and sinks against him. "Everything's alright. No need to be nervous." he soothes him, rubbing his back calmingly.

Zoey finally found what she was looking for, puts it aside and gives Taron his suit. "Just put it on next door. I'll have Rich ready by the time you finish."

Taron leaves the room and Richard puts on the suit she handed him. He sees himself in the mirror and hates it. It looks awful and he just wants to get it off again. But Zoey starts pulling at the sleeves and gets him ready. "I'm not ready for this shit." he mumbles and feels panic welling up in him.

"What?" she asks confused and looks at him shortly. "They can't postpone the premiere just because you're not feeling like it today." she says and fixes the tie.

"I look like shit, Zoey. What are you even doing?" he suddenly says and the panic closes his throat, tears burn in his eyes. If he goes out like this, he would throw away two months of hard work with his therapist and Taron. He started feeling more or less okay not so long ago and he wasn't ready to give it up already.

"What?" she looks up now and sees a single tear dropping down on the light green suit jacket leaving a stain. "Oh, Rich, don't cry on the suit now. We have five minutes left, I don't have time for this now, hun."

"What's going on?" T asks as he steps in and sees his upset boyfriend and his friend’s frustrated look.

"He doesn't like it." Zoey groans and rubs her face.

"Zoey, honestly, what color is that? Definitely not his. Who picked that?" Taron asks, his face twisted in disgust. Zoey wouldn't pick such a color for his boyfriend. The light green was a strange mixture and it made Rich look pale and tired, his eyes becoming dark compared to it. He could see why Richard hates it.

"The management because it fits with the posters of the movie. I wouldn't have picked it as well." she admits groaning and looks at her slightly panicked mate. She couldn't do this to him and after all, she was his stylist. "Take it off. I'll get something else."

Richard watches her leaving the room and tries to open the buttons with his shaking hands. "Can you help me?" he asks shyly and looks at Taron.

T sees the fear in his eyes and steps before him quickly. "Calm down, love." he says lovingly and opens the buttons of the jacket and continues with his shirt. "We'll have a lovely evening and I'll be right by your side." Taron wipes his cheeks clean and gives him a quick kiss. "Deep breaths." he gets him out of the jacket and his shirt and opens the button of his trousers. Zoey comes back and hands him a dark blue suit.

T takes it and helps him to get it on. He closes the buttons calmly, knowing his boyfriend’s friend is stressed now. Putting on the blue jacket, Richard’s eyes are calmer and brighter almost instantly due to the fitting color. He closes the buttons, fixes his sleeves and kisses him softly before kneeling down and fixing the trousers. "One day I'm going to do this again, but not for fixing your trousers." Taron says and winks at him. Rich raises his eyebrows trying to find out which one of the things going through his mind is the right one. "I don't mean it in a sexual way, baby." Taron promises giggling. "Will you marry me?" he says and winks up to him again.

"Dork." Rich says and both start laughing. But if Taron knew what he just did to him saying that he probably would grin. His heart is racing and warms at the thought of Taron asking him that. Taron gets up and Richard kisses him softly, smiling about the fact that Taron decided to spend his life with him. And he was ready for it, whenever he would ask him.

Zoey looks at them as they step outside and raises her thumb at Rich. "Happy now?"

"Yea." Richard says and looks at himself shortly. It was better than before no question. He sees Taron stepping next to him and grabs his hand.

"Ready?" Taron asks caring and gives him a kiss on his cheek, standing up on his toes.

"Now I am." he pulls him into a soft kiss, taking in all the love Taron has for him. It would be a good evening and he would be okay one day.

@taron-eggmcmuffin @anxiety-at-the-classroom @multicoloredchicken @primaba11erina @sarahegerton96 @naptitimadderton @maddertonmyheart @madderton-obsessed

#trigger warning #taron egerton #Richard Madden #madderton #taron egerton fic #richard madden fic #madderton fic #eating disorder #comfort #emotional hurt #vomiting #argument #angst #fluff #soft #kisses #vacation #friendship

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jbjsflower · 5 years ago

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Lucid Dreaming Chapter 2 - It’s not a dream

Pairing: BTS Yoongi X Jimin

Genre: angst, soft, soulmate!AU, lucid dream!AU

Warnings: mentions of mental disorders, possible mentions of suicide

Requested: no

A/N: Chapter 2 is here! Hope you guys enjoy it~ head to my masterlist to see more content!

Previous Chapter

Chapter 2 - It's not a dream

I collapse on the floor, sweating. The music stops and I look at myself in the mirror, sweating and trying to recover my breath, my chest feeling heavy. My hair looks messy and so do my clothes. I smile, still staring at my reflection. Then everything goes black.

-Jungkook ah, wake up. - I hear my brother's voice from outside my bedroom. I don't want to get up but he enters the room and opens the blinds. I try to cover my face with the blankets. -Do you need help to get on the chair? - Reality suddenly hits me...

-No... - I reply.

It's been some months since the car accident happened. I can't help but hate that chair, and what my life has become now. I saw my hopes for the future fade in front of my eyes, making everything blurry. My dream was always to become a great dancer, so I joined a dance school since I was very young and did my best to improve day after day, practicing as much as my body allowed me to. These thoughts cross my head while I carefully get out of my bed, using my arms, and sit on the chair. I get out of the room, not caring about how messy it looks, and head to my brother's. I look at him from the door and see him sitting by the piano. He doesn't notice I'm there, and I just stare at the now unusual scene, waiting for him to finally play some notes. But that moment never arrives.

-Are you going to play it? - I ask, getting him out of his thoughts. He gets up and avoids my question, asking me what I want for lunch, so I just ignore the whole situation and ask for pizza. I just want to eat as quickly as possible so I can get back to my online games.

I head to the living room, where the dining table is, and wait for my brother to call to the pizza place. A few minutes later he comes back, with his wallet in hand, and sits in the chair in front of me.

-What's wrong with you? - I ask Yoongi. He's been distracted and acting weird today, so I wonder if he had a fight with one of his friends or maybe something happened to him at work. He sighs looking at the table, not wanting to lift his head.

-I dreamt of a guy... - he starts speaking.

-Oh no, don't tell me those things hyung! I don't want to know about those things, okay? - I grimace in disgust. He lifts his head, eyes wide open, and starts laughing loudly.

-What are you even talking about? You dirty minded child...- he flicks my forehead and I hiss in pain. - I didn't raise you like that! It wasn't that kind of dream, it was... sweet - he smiled.

-Wait what? Are you in love or something? Where did you meet that guy? - I had so many questions in my head all of a sudden. It's been a long time since I last saw my brother smile like that because of someone, and it made me really curious.

-What? No! I don't know him... at least I don't think so. I don't know, he just appeared in my dream, but he felt too real to be part of my imagination.

-So it was just part of the dream? You never saw him in real life?

-Not that I remember... I'm sure I wouldn't forget that smile if I saw it.

-That's weird. - I start thinking about it... what if he's actually a real person and they had a shared dream? - Hyung, what do you remember from that dream?

-Everything... I haven't forgot a single detail.

-Okay, let me grab a notebook and tell me everything you remember about him.

We had lunch together while Yoongi described his dream in detail and I listened carefully. I noted the important things down and tried to convince him that it was just a dream and everything was okay. But I lied to him. I'm almost 100% sure it wasn't just a dream. I lock myself in my room, in front of the PC, and search Park Jimin on the internet. A lot of SNS profiles appear and I start checking them one by one. I'm about to lose hope when I bump into a blog. I click some of the posts and it seems to be someone's "online diary". I keep scrolling and find a picture of a guy, sitting on a staircase. Could it be him? The description seems to fit, but his hair is pink and he isn't smiling, so I'm not completely sure. I can't tell my brother to check if it's him either, it would be suspicious. I quickly scroll back to the text posts and start reading one of them. It says something about being hospitalized again, he also talks about taking pills and feeling nothing at all. This is his most recent post. I look at the date, August of 2020. It's almost been two years... he doesn't have any SNS profile linked to the blog and I couldn't find any other traces of him on the internet. This is weird. The sound of a new text message gets me out of my thoughts. I check my phone, it's Jin hyung.

"Are you awake? Wanna play?" - I reply quickly since he's online.

"I'm logging in, wait for you at the village."

~Chapter 3 soon~

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blindspot-repata · 5 years ago

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High School Blindspot

Chapter 5 - Party

Natasha arrived early at the Patterson’s house, as she had agreed to help her friend with some preparations to wait for all the staff. They owned a large and imposing house. The parents were scientists and were able to earn very well from their research. Patty was thinking of pursuing their parents career, but not so much Freddy, he was very smart, but it seemed that the world was small for the boy. At the age of twenty he had not yet met, while he loved to hold parties with friends. The preparations were ready and some young people had arrived.

“Natasha, how are you handling everything? You know what I'm talking about, don't you?” Patty was always very worried about her friend and tried to help when she was in trouble, followed her relationship with Ricky from the beginning and never had the courage to give an opinion about it, but clearly saw how bad this dating did to the brunette.

“Look, I didn't measure the consequences, and my relationship with Ricky has gotten out of hand. There was no love, I don't know what I feel anymore. I just know I don't want to see him anymore. I hope he leaves me alone. I want to start my life over. The Latin girl seemed determined on the subject. Something seemed to have changed inside her.

“And how do you think to do that? Have you got a plan?” Natasha turned to the door and found Edgar who had just entered with Kurt, her friend followed her with the look and the smile of both became very clear to the blonde.

“I'll be back!” Natasha announced heading quickly towards the door.

“All right!” The brunette didn’t hear what she said and Patty smiled at the scene. If there was one person in this world who could do Natasha good, it was Edgar.

“Hi Ed, hi Kurt. Glad you came.” Natasha addressed the boy as soon as she reached him at the door.

"It's not like I'm hanging around. I worked almost all day and wanted to get some rest before coming.” The girl's smile enchanted him and he couldn’t stop looking at her. Natasha was beautiful, the tight black dress accentuated her qualities, the platform heels made her a few inches taller, she wasn’t at all vulgar but very beautiful and sensual. The boy didn't know what was happening to him, but he was very fascinated with her.

“Funny. Come on, let's have fun.” She pulled him out of his trance by pulling him by the hand.

They went to the counter that was filled with food and drinks. The two didn’t drink alcohol often. They grabbed a soda and headed outside to join the rest of the already crowding people.

Kurt had searched the whole party and had not seen Remi anywhere. Maybe she didn't really come. He grabbed another beer and leaned against the counter already regretting his hopes. It was best to forget whatever it was that she was awakening inside him. Maybe he should have brought Allie, not that she hadn't insisted, but he'd been categorical about the breakup, only she didn't want to accept the facts. That's when the blond boy came in and Kurt kept an eye out, but didn't see his sister with him. Already giving up, he turned his back to join the rest of the crowd when Roman called him.

“She's out there. I think two girls got her talking. Why don't you go there.” Roman had noticed from the beginning the connection between the two, he wasn’t to interfere with his sister's relationships, but realized how the other boy seemed disappointed to not see her.

Kurt didn't think twice and headed for the exit where he found her talking and laughing with Patty and another girl he didn't remember the name. Then she saw him and he waved at her from the door. The girl was dressed in tight, low waisted black trousers, a long sleeved black blouse that left most of her belly out, she looked perfect. She said something to the girls and came to meet him.

“Hi. You took too long. I mean, it's none of my business. Do you want to come in? Eat something, dance.” Kurt's clumsiness with her was visible. What happened to him? It looked like she was the first girl to talk to.

“ I couldn't leave before, I was late.” Shyness was on her face. Maybe because she didn't know a lot of people at the party and all the people already seemed clumsy. She escorted him to the outside area where a metallic sound and a little too loud came out of two huge boxes located at both corners of the porch. Remi waved to Natasha who was talking animatedly with Edgar and some other friends. If those two didn't have something she couldn't say anything else, because to her their relationship seemed to go far beyond just friendship. Rich came to meet them very excited.

“Hey, you two! You need to try this drink.” Rich held a bottle in one hand and a half full glass in the other. The contents weren’t identified by both, as the bottle had no label. “It will leave you two crazy people to catch each other!” The short man spoke in a lower tone.

“Rich! Get out!” Kurt shouted at Rich because he could ruin anything the boy intended with Remi. Rich was a total clueless.

“Rich, come on, this is starting another song.” Boston came pulling him by the hand.

“I'm sorry for his nasty comments.” Kurt apologized to Remi, who had gone very red.

“Don’t worry. I know how he is.”

The party went well and many were already drunk, as they could not see drinks available and control themselves to drink little. The style of music changed to something quieter and soon the romantic songs that rolled over at the end of the holidays began and some couples were already forming on the dance floor.

“ Remi, dance with me?" Kurt ventured, for he had nothing to lose and would not stand still knowing that tonight could be a great opportunity for him to approach her.

“ I'm not very good and...”

“ No problem. I conduce you. Come on." Kurt held her by the waist and Remi wrapped his arms around the boy's neck. Their faces were very close arousing many sensations between them. He led her down the track to the rhythm of the song and with a few steps they were already in tune.

“Hey, do you wanna dance?”

Natasha was coming back from the house with a glass of drink in her hand when she was surprised by a boy she had rarely seen.

The girl looked around the room and didn’t find Edgar. She knew how annoying it was to refuse a dance. It could make you embarrassed. “All right.” She was taken by the hand to the dance floor and the boy held her by the waist, she was careful not to get too close. They both danced with a visible lack of tune and the music seemed endless.

“My turn.” The music stopped and Edgar was beside them on the track. Natasha flashed a smile that didn't hide her satisfaction at seeing him.

"I thought you weren't coming anymore." Natasha spoke softly as he approached.

Edgar, in turn, pulled her to him and their bodies were very close together. Natasha laid her head on his shoulder, put an arm around his neck and his other hand rested on the boy's shoulder. She closed her eyes and let the melody seem to have carried them to another dimension. She could hear his strong heartbeat, which made her happy to think a little might be for her. The girl was realizing that what he aroused in her was reciprocal.

“Hey Roman, do you dance?” Patty risked talking to the boy who always seemed angry.

“ No. I don't like it very much.”

“ Me neither. Do you want to know my lab?”

“ What?” Roman didn’t know what was hidden in the invitation, because he could see from the beginning the way the girl looked at him.

“My lab, come on, I'll show you.”

She led him into the basement and when she turned on the light Roman was as surprised as she was disappointed.

“You thought that was what? An excuse for me to be alone with you? Maybe it is too.” Patty approached him and saw that he was red so decided to take it easy. “I'm kidding. I'll show you my little things.”

“ You look tired. If you want to go I'll take you.” Kurt and Remi danced a little and went out for a breath. It was a little late and the girl's tiredness was visible.

“Okay, but I don't want to go home now. If you don’ mind.”

“Okay, we go for a drive and when you want I'll take you.”

“I need to warn my brother.”

They didn't find him so they asked some friends to let them know they were gone.

“ Where were you?”

Natasha was a little startled by Patty's appearance upon returning from the interior of the house. Her hair was very messy and the buttons on her shirt were buttoned all wrong. The brunette looked back and realized the reason for her disorder also coming from inside the house. Roman had a rumpled shirt and a mischievous smile. She started laughing and gave Remi's message to him.

“Patty, I'm tired and I can't stay to help you, but I think you already have a helper. She said pointing to the blond boy. “ Edgar will take me home.”

“All right. You can go and enjoy and have fun both of you.” The girl clearly had drunk too much to say that making Natasha and Edgar totally embarrassed.

“What is here?” Remi wanted to know as soon as Kurt stopped the car in front of the ruins of an ancient church. They got out and stood against the side of the car.

“I came here with a friend when we were kids. Remi felt a pang of sadness in his words. “She passed away, was murdered, and never had a chance to grow up and live so many things that might be waiting for her.

“I'm so sorry.” Remi held tried to bring some comfort to the boy.

"Somehow you remind me of he. Not just for looks, but for determination, the way you look. They were now facing each other and Kurt's gaze was so penetrating that Remi hardly blinked. "I just wanted to make one thing clear. I didn't drink Rich's drink, but I have a crazy urge to kiss you.”

In the absence of answers Kurt took it as a consent. He approached the girl and placed his lips over hers, the kiss was nothing angelic but intense and firm, the two there in the moonlight and the stars let their bodies speak for themselves.

“Today was perfect.” Natasha said as soon as Edgar stopped the car at the door of his house.

“Yes, it was a long time ago I didn't have fun or dance that much.” You dance very well.

Natasha laughed at the compliment. “Some say I get the hang of it.” I'm going down. It's late, and Grandma must be worried about my delay.”

Edgar wanted to say so many things, he didn't want to let the night's charm end like this, because tomorrow they would just be friends again, as usual. The boy didn't even know if they could be anything else, but when they danced together he had her in his arms and she was his for a few minutes, there was nothing between them, not Ricky, not Sarah, or any other ghost that could stop them from enjoy, this moment was just theirs. He took her hand and delicately intertwined her fingers with his.

"Natasha..." He dipped into her gaze and the girl bent over him and pressed his lips to hers. It was just a quick kiss that lasted a few seconds, but it was enough to make it clear that there might be something more between them in the future, who knows.

Neither of them took the next step or said anything. Natasha went home and fell into her bed with feelings swirling.

Edgar had a restless sleep, closed his eyes and felt her in his arms with her lips glued to his, he wanted more, much more. Now that she had taken this step he knew he was ready to talk about his feelings.

He woke up with the phone ringing nonstop, he didn't want to answer it. He looked at his watch and it was four in the morning, had slept less than two hours. Who would this time be? The mother was not home and Lis was sleeping.

“Hello! His voice was sleepy and angry.

“Edgar.” It was Natasha on the other end of the line. “ You can come? I need you! Please...”

#blindspot #blindspot fanfic #jeller #Repata #tasha zapata #edgar reade #patterson #roman briggs #kurt weller #jane doe #bshiatusproject

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xopheliasunflowerx · 6 years ago

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So my confession, I didn’t want to hold it back so yeet (long as)

This shit is long, it explains my disorder, some personal symptoms and stories and explains the disorder. You probably won’t read it all, I wouldn’t either but that’s me, I tried not to offend anyone and not everyone does the same thing! Please be respectful if you have a problem PM me

So I have ADHD, and it’s hard to live with. ADHD stands for Attention-Decfict/Hyperactivity Disorder, it’s an attention difficulty with hyperactivity and impulsiveness. ADHD is a ‘neurodevelopmental’ disorder, meaning it’s the brain function. The symptoms can be different in everyone but I’ll name the common ones (I’ll also explain my personal symptoms too)

The Behaviour side: aggression, excitability, fidgeting, hyperactivity, impulsivity, irritability, lack of restraint, repetitive or words/actions.

Cognitive side (memory): absent-mindedness, trouble focusing, forgetfulness, problem paying attention, short attention span.

Mood: anger, anxiety, boredom, excitement and mood swings

It’s also common to have a learning disability with it (which I do) meaning you have to explain things more clearly than already. And depression, meaning you can have depression without having a reason, or you just over think the negatives and think it’s true. As I am diagnosed with ADHD I can easily be depressed just by a simple thing really, for you it may sound dumb but it’s true. I wouldn’t call us ‘attention seekers’ but we sort of are I guess as I want attention but not in a way that we want it. I don’t really know how to explain it but we want attention but we draw attention to ourselves and create a huge mess, well I’m not sure with others but I do.

So these are some of the symptoms explained and some of my personal ones.

You can be distracted easily and absent-minded, which I do. And it’s hard because I have to learn stuff but sometimes it doesn’t make sense and I always ask to be explained to me again and they get frustrated when I don’t get it which is explainable but it makes me feel really upset about it. Like for example I’ll play a game, I had difficulty with Batman: Arkham Knight Riddler race tracks, there was one where you had to glide to click a button but I never understood how. I would get angry and frustrated then finally give up. I did eventually did it and now it’s easy but even the simple things can be difficult to do. I can’t pronounce some words (mainly because something caused that which I won’t explain) and it’s very hard. Math is hard, as it can be for others but I could never do it I would have teachers and students explain to me but I’ll be there like what? I had a tough time with my 3 time tables back in year 5 (fifth grade) and now I’m 18 and I just learnt them (simply because of work) and I’m pretty proud.

I have difficulty in focusing on what needs to be done like writing for an example, I read that people with ADHD can be into something like obsessed then only focus on that (which is me writing for certain people) then we suddenly get bored of it and move on to something else. I get bored very easily that’s why I don’t write as much because I’m bored of writing the same character with some what similar scenarios that’s why I’ve been less writing. It sucks, because I really do wanna write but I can’t be bothered to do or so. Also it can be very hard on focusing on something else rather than the task at hand, we would get distracted by anything, a window, door, pen anything. So I would leave my task unfinished because I have no interest in finishing (a lot of imagines are unfinished because I just can’t be bothered to finish them) and when I do finish they are rushed and unorganised (as having ADHD we are very unorganised and messy my room for an example is a mess).

We would also avoid task that we don’t want to do, like a simple chore or homework. I never did my homework never I never studied either like I never knew how to study and it just bored me, and I would get distracted easily. I would get distracted by the colours of my highlighters and just draw instead. You might be wondering how did you not get a detention? You’re probably not but I’ll tell you anyway, I would say I forgot it or I would never go to detention and I would always hide.

I happen to forget a lot, it’s terrible really I also happen to lose things very easily. So when I mis place something I get frustrated easily because I remember putting something somewhere else. Like example, when painting I happen to put my rubber (eraser) somewhere say it’s next to me for an example then when I’m looking for it I can’t find it and I get annoyed. Then I find it and I go back to what I’m doing. That happens A LOT! I did it last night with lip cream I put it on my bed and I went for a shower then suddenly it’s gone, I can’t remember where I put it. Memory isn’t my friend. It’s hard having a memory of a literal gold-fish because we need to remember stuff especially if it involves something important or family/friends, like I keep forgetting how old my parents are and when my dad’s birthday is which is terrible.

I happen to fidget a lot, it’s annoying for most people but it’s something for me to be distracted by. No fidget spinners are not something I fidget with, they’re not right for me anyway. I usually fidget with my hair (I twirl my fingers with it) a pen or I drum my fingers against something. People mistake that I’m nervous when really I’m not, I even got threaten by my teacher that she’ll cut my hair if I continued twirling my hair (which I actually don’t remember that). But you can tell when someone with ADHD is nervous, reading facial expressions and if they’re shaking like if they’re playing with their fingers watch carefully are they shaking, sweaty, also if it’s sort of faster than usual. I would drum my fingers against my thighs in a fast pace when I’m nervous. Also usual symptoms for nervousness, lip biting, no eye contact, looking around the room, is common too (well as I do it). I was having a very bad anxiety when I saw well... I wouldn’t call him my boyfriend because we’re not dating so uh significant other maybe coming into my friends car as we were picking him up. I was nervous as hell, because well I didn’t shower, didn’t brush my hair or teeth (because I was sleeping over at a friends house unexpectedly) and I usually get nervous around him. I tapped my fingers against my thighs to calm myself, I looked around then stared at the window. He then grabbed my hand and squeezed it to comfort me, I then played with his fingers to distract myself once again.

Now this one really pisses people off, I repeat what I say only because I don’t remember telling people before. I would tell a story to a friend and then they’ll say yeah you already told me that. I get all awkward and embarrassed about it feeling super dumb for repeating it, I only recently found out that’s a symptom for having ADHD and I’m actually surprised because I thought it was just me. But I understand that it’s clearly annoying for others to hear the same thing over and over again. I don’t mean to repeat myself, and I feel so dumb when I do but my memory just likes to leave a lot. Forgetfulness is horrible when you’re in a relationship too, like I told him (significant other) my middle name and I never knew I did until I actually found the messages and I told him again like three weeks after I felt really stupid, but he didn’t say anything and he just stared at me weirdly.

So being ADHD is a mess, we can’t organise for shit. I probably already explained this but there’s a symptom of me having ADHD. I would be ready and organised for writing then suddenly it turns out something way worse than I imagined it to be which is why I take SOOOOO LONG writing. I have some friends with OCD and I find it hilarious just to annoy the shit outta them, they won’t come to my house anymore because of my room. So when I find out someone has OCD I’m a bully to them, but I only move things around imperfectly and then I stop for awhile then I do it again. I only do it for fun not just to be mean, they get back at me in their own ways. Like a guy at work who is 6’3 teases me about my height 5’2 which I don’t really care, because i then pull out the mustard packet and put it into the ketchup packets which annoys him, he gets me back by saying how forgetful I am.

So when talking to me in person is a difficult task, I would see your lips move but I won’t hear anything as I just space out, I try to pay attention but I just can’t. I would ask them to repeat it for me and then I would listen sometimes. This is annoying to me and everyone, someone would ask me to grab something and I would ask them to repeat themselves like three times until I finally understood what they wanted. Happened yesterday someone wanted pancake lids but I heard pancakes so I thought they wanted me to wrap them up or get more until he told me again which I felt so stupid about it and I finally got them. I apologised but they’re already frustrated with me and customers so yeah. It’s hard, it’s not a hearing thing we just zone out. We try to listen we do, it’s not our fault. It’s harder in relationships but I don’t think I’ve been in a longer relationship to experience that, I also don’t tell them my disorder until i’m comfortable or I need to.

So about that forgetfulness, we also forget to do stuff daily. I forget to eat because I’d be so distracted in something my hunger just jumps out the window. And recently it’s been happening a lot and it’s been worrying some of my close friends and my significant other. But I do feed myself, sometimes it’s motivation to get up and eat and I don’t cook so that’s another reason I don’t eat much. I sound stubborn but it’s true, I do eventually eat when I remember and I eat then I forget later. I don’t have a eating disorder it’s just remembering to eat as we’re distracted. Also I don’t know if this happens to other people with ADHD but when I’m off medication I usually eat a lot and when I’m on it I rarely eat (but I eat). That happened when I was younger now I either eat or don’t when I’m off medication.

Lack of sleep is a big one, I thought I had insomnia but I found it it’s just my ADHD again, there’s no surprise there. Reason we rarely sleep because of that hyper is still kicked in, for me it gets worse at night as I tend to be more active and hyper at night. The mind keeps going as we’re trying to sleep and random thoughts like to come up so we’re always on the internet searching the most random things. So we’re lucky to have five hours of sleep, the most. I did have sleeping medication but they would usually take awhile to kick in and I just barely took them because there’s no point. They would knock out anyone else as my mum took them but they would just work on me.

We would talk more than usual, yes that’s a thing. We talk a lot, we can also change the subject randomly without a warning. So saying we’re talking about dogs then suddenly we change the subject to how does ovens work. We also interrupt others when speaking but we don’t mean to, I would immediately apologise for the intrusion and then go back to being quiet. We can be quiet at points, which could scare some people but we’re just thinking or being distracted by a squirrel or something. We talk a lot when we’re excited about something, when I’m obsessed with something I want to talk to someone about it but they don’t as I’ve already spoken to them about it a lot. Having an obsession is hard because you want to talk to someone about it but when you do you don’t want to talk about that obsession anymore. Yes we easily change obsessions a lot, like last year I was obsessed with Gotham and Teen Wolf And Riverdale, I lost interest in Riverdale there was too much and the first season was better in my opinion. I then got into Detroit Become Human and I loved it, then I got into Harry Potter. Now I’m currently into Spider-Man and the Avengers because WHY NOT!

So I’m gonna list some smaller symptoms that you probably didn’t know but meh. So there’s no such thing as sugar rush or having a hyper mode when you have coffee or staying up late because of it, it doesn’t exist. Because we’re already hyper and active that sugar and caffeine doesn’t effect us at all, but we would get a rush on something else mine was Red Doritos, I would get hyper when I ate those, I don’t now which is good. I forgot my other one which sucks I’ll probably edit it later and add it on. AH YES MOODSWINGS, we have bad mood swings. We’ll be happy then the next thing we’re upset. I think it’s because we’re always day dreaming and absent-minded we can think of the negative things which I do a lot. I end up going through a break down thinking of how much I hate myself, no one loves me, my friends are using me. Dreams also doesn’t help, I had a dream where my significant other asked out my friend which hurt me so much, I didn’t confront him about it because he’s in a different country and the service there is terrible and I don’t want to annoy him with my problems. When in a relationship I always doubt them because of my negative thinking, like why are they dating me, are they using me, are they cheating on me, what hurts most is that they’re not yours and you’re questioning if you can trust them. I told him I have ADHD, but I don’t think he knows what it means, which I will be asking when I see him again (as texting could make it worse) and I want to explain to him. I don’t like to talk seriously with him as we’re only seeing each other but I feel like we need to talk about it, and yes I avoid it and he can always tell that there’s something wrong so I do explain it but I feel like we’re not dealing with it permanently. It also doesn’t help that we’re distant, because it makes it worse and my questioning more severe. I feel like I’m taking it too much and drawing attention to myself simply because of that consent worrying and we’re not dating but he has his reasons and I have mine. Now I’m going off topic about ADHD, but that’s what our negative thinking can turn into. With that it’s harder to make friends and fit in, I couldn’t have just one friend, because I get annoyed with one person for awhile and I try to distant myself from them without explaining and I feel guilty afterwards, It sounds horrible yes but we get bored and want to hang around with others. I haven’t done it in a long time which I’m proud but we do want to hang out with others or just to be alone, we want a new adventure. We do appreciate our alone times, as we’re always day dreaming and just need that peace to relax. But yes we get bored easily of it.

The good parts of having ADHD, there are some good parts, we’re very creative as we’re always day dreaming we create ideas and so on. I find it weird because my star sign is Pisces and I find it weird that having ADHD, and as Pisces are extremely creative and I am but they also day dream a lot which I do. I don’t know I found it weird that Pisces and ADHD are some what similar but aren’t. We see things differently, we look at a plan wall and wonder what would it look like if we threw colours or sparkles on it. We make the simple things into art, and it’s actually easier to write in detail as we can just imagine it. Writing isn’t an issue when you have an idea it’s actually really fun, it just motivation to finish it. Some people can’t think when they’re listening to music, well I can I can think clearly with the sound blasting through my ears, I imagine a scenario sometimes with the song, just depends on the song and who with.

So living with ADHD can be difficult in daily life, but is also useful. It sucks yes, but I’m glad I have it I wouldn’t change it. I wouldn’t say I’m proud of having it but it does help me, well sometimes I guess. I do find the things where I mis place, I do get over my overthinking, and I do eventually remember things. I wish people would do research before judging an ADHD person, we’re not just hyper as everyone thinks we are there’s more to it. If you notice the little things we do you would actually begin to recognise a pattern and connect a dot that those are our symptoms and beware of those in the future. I probably didn’t add a lot of other symptoms but you can research those, I did because I wanted to know. Having ADHD isn’t just an excuse either, it’s a explanation of why we can’t do certain things, I hope some of you understand that. And yes we can be frustrating a lot but take your time with us, we can be patient and if you tell us that we’re making you frustrated and please explain why, we might get angry or upset but that’s us we can’t help it. We will slowly get there, and if we fall we always pick ourselves back up because that’s they way we are taught. I’m sorry for rambling lol just needed to get this off my chest ya know.

#adhd #attention defecit hyperactivity disorder #mental illness #disorders #my expriences #adhdlife #adhd things

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wonderingarmy · 6 years ago

Text

Prince Kim Seokjin Part 5

Guys what did you think about the new album? I love it so much, I am crying. Anyways, I was able to finish Part 5 of Prince Kim Seokjin, while streaming Boy with Luv. Keep streaming!! To anyone that’s new to my series, Jin has more parts because he is the reason why I started writing imagines. But it looks like I write better stories to my six bias wreckers. Let me know what you think on this one. Hobi’s part 2 is coming soon!! Gomawoyo!

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

When Jin told you that he’ll try not to bother you through texts, you shouldn’t have believed him. Because now he sends you a message everyday, whether it be an emoji or just a simple hi. You try to ignore him for fear that Milo is going to find out, but there are days when you just can’t. He would always send you dad jokes, which you know are not funny, but it makes you smile anyway. It helps you get through a long day when he sends you one.

The weeks passed and you realized that you have been replying to his every message. Replying from his good morning messages to goodnight ones at 3am. You even call each other every night when you’re alone in your place and will talk for hours about things that you want to know about each other.

You adore Jin so much and you know you’re starting to fall in love with him. But what can you do? Milo has has locked you up in a relationship you so badly want to get out off, but can’t. Because he always threatens you and it scares you.

Before you agreed to be in a relationship with Milo, you thought he was a great guy, until after two months of dating when he started physically abusing you. He became so obsessive that he gets jealous to every guy you talk to. You tried to give him so many chances. He used to apologize to you, but he doesn’t do it now. You know you should have gotten out of that situation when you can, but it’s too late now.You’re scared that if you leave him, he’s going to do so much damage to not just you but with your family as well.

Milo told you one day that he is leaving for a week to have a photoshoot project in Japan. You didn’t say anything because you know this is a lie. You heard rumors that he’s into one of the models from Japan and that they’ve been hanging out a lot.

“Why can’t you just break up with me and be with her?” you yelled at him

“So you can be with your fake fiance Jin? And those are just rumors. I know your parents doesn’t like me, that’s why our relationship is still not out in the public. I am just making something up, so the media doesn’t focus on us. You know, saving you from your parents. If they find out that we’re dating, they’re going to be devastated and disappointed in you.”, he replied, his breath smelling like cigarettes and alcohol

“I don’t even wanna be with you anymore Mi----”

He grabbed your neck and started choking you.

“You are not leaving me Y/N. Because I will f*cking ruin you.” he said threatening you. “You better not be hanging out with that stupid Idol of yours, or I will find out”

He let go of your neck and you started rubbing it. You know you’re going to end up having a bruise again. Milo grabbed his jacket and left you crying on the floor. How you wish and pray that this would be over.

The next day, the first day Milo is out of the country, you aren’t planning on doing anything. You just stayed in your house and trying to see what kind of foundation you’ll use to cover the bruise on your neck.

“How’s my future wife doing?” it was a text from Jin

It was 9 am. You didn’t reply because you were thinking about the threats from Milo. After 30 minutes, he messaged you again with a sad emoji. Although you wanted so much to reply, you ended up choosing not to. The rest of the day went by and you never replied to any of his messages.

At 10pm, you accidentally answered a phone call from him.

“Hey!” he said as soon as you answered the phone

“Hey” you replied

Jin: Are you okay?

Y/N: Yes.

Jin: Ah… I am outside your house.

You were surprised when you heard this and went to look outside your window. Jin is standing outside his truck holding his phone. He noticed you and he waved and smiled.

“If you’re not busy, do you wanna go for a walk?” he asked when you didn’t say anything through the phone

“It’s 10pm.”

“Exactly, that means not much people.”

“Jin…”

“Hey, if you can’t, I’ll just leave. It’s okay, I understand.”

You thought for a moment and you realize how you want to be with him as well. “I’ll just grab my coat and I’ll be there.” you told him and hung up the phone.

When you were outside he asked if you’re about to sleep or if he disturbed you.

“No Jin. I was bored. Just trying to finish you guys’ photobook”

“How can you be so bored finishing BTS’ photobook? I mean, did you see those guys? Especially the worldwide handsome? You must be kidding me.” he said smiling

You smiled back at him and suddenly you forget all your problems.

“Thank you Y/N” he said

“For what?”

“For coming outside to go for a walk with me at 10pm.” he said and he held your hand

“Jin..” you said, surprised but what he just did

“I know Y/N. I am sorry.” he said and let go of your hands

You started walking, you both didn’t know where you’re going but you’re both glad you have each other. You walked without saying anything. Often times you would just look at each other and smile.

“Do you get bruised easily?” he asked all of a sudden. You realized you forgot to wear your scarf so it’s showing a part of your neck.

“Ah. yeah.” you replied rubbing your neck.

“Getting a bruise from your neck is kind of weird though. Unless somebody tried to choke you.”

“It’s a bleeding disorder” you replied without looking at him

He just nod his head and you both continued with your walk.

After awhile, he started telling you his dad jokes and your walk was more fun.

“That wasn’t even funny Jin”

“Y/N that was funny! What are you talking about?”

“It’s not funny. But you’re funny. I like the funny Jin”

“See? Can you imagine if we really got married? You’ll live a happy life hearing my jokes everyday”

“Oh my God. I would probably try to ignore you as much as I can”

You talk more about each other. It was only a 30 minute walk, but you both enjoyed each other's company. When you reach your home, you kinda want for the walk to not end.

“Y/N thank you for dealing with me tonight” he said as soon as you reached the door to your house. You just smiled at him and didn’t say anything.

“I had a talk with your dad today. He asked me to go to lunch with him” he said. Is this the reason why he texted that morning?

“I told him I can’t marry you if you don’t want to be married to me.”, he continued “And that he should choose your happiness before anything else because you are his daughter. His only child.”

“You told him that?” you asked

“Yes. I told him I don’t want to force you into something you don’t want to do. He told he understands and he’ll talk to my dad about it. But he said I am giving him a reason to make him want me more as a son-in-law.”

“You’re making that up right?”

“The son-in-law part? No. He really said that. So I told him like someone else anyway. And I told him that you don’t know how to cook, and I want a wife that can feed me and cook any kind of dish I want to eat”

“You like someone else?” you asked, ignoring the his last sentence

“Yes. But I don’t think she likes me too. So, I guess I am just going to marry myself. But yeah, don’t worry about marrying me anymore.”

“Jin…”

“I know. I’d wanna marry the worldwide handsome too.” he said smiling at you

You didn’t say anything. When he noticed this, he grabbed your hand again.

“I’ll still be your friend though. I’d like a beautiful friend. I am so tired of being the only beautiful person among my friends.”

Still you didn’t say anything. Heartbroken that the marriage is not going to happen anymore. Even if you know long before that it will never happen anyway even if he didn’t talk to your dad.

“Well, it’s getting late. I should be going. Again, thank you for keeping me company. Annyeong.” he said letting go of your hands. Just as he was about to walk out..

“Jin, I am not doing anything tomorrow night. If you want to go for a walk again or something else.” you said shyly

He smiled the most gorgeous smile and said, “I’d like that.”

You both smiled at each other then he continued to walk to his car. You wait outside your door until he’s gone. He opened his car window, gave you one last wave and drove away.

When you get inside your house, you can’t stop thinking about how the marriage is not going to happen anymore. How you are really starting to fall in love with Jin but you can’t do anything about it. Especially now that he confessed that he like someone else. And that he doesn’t want to marry you because you don’t know how to cook.

You thought about this more while you got ready for bed. Just then, Jin sent you a message.

“Looking forward to tomorrow night :)”

The one night of hanging out with Jin turned in to two and then three nights and for the whole week. You hung out at night, after his rehearsals and recordings. After you’re done with work. You didn’t realize you’ve been waiting for him to text you that he is on his way to your house. You both didn’t care what time it is, whether it be 12 midnight or 2 am. You just want to see him and spend time with Jin. That’s when you know you are really in love with him.

You kept asking him about the girl that he likes but he just says that she’s beautiful. That she’s one of a kind, amazing, and everything that he wants in life.

It’s when you realize you really need to do something to let Jin know about your feelings for him. To break up with Milo. To stop him from abusing you. To finally be happy with your life. It doesn’t matter if Jin likes someone else or wants somebody else for a wife. You just need to let him know that you love him.

One night when he was dropping you off to your house, he told you that he won’t be seeing you for awhile as they’re going to get ready for their Hongkong tour. But he promised to text you new dad jokes when he can.

You had a feeling that you need to tell him about your feelings that night or it will be too late the next time. But you’re scared of the outcome and you’re not ready for it.

Jin gave you a quick hug and you both stared at each other after. For a moment, you wanted to f*ck everything and kiss him, but of course, you chickened out.

“‘I’ll see you when I get back? It will probably be hard for us to see each other because your boyfriend should be coming back soon right?” he asked

You just nod your head.

“I am going to miss you a lot then.”

Again, you just nod your head.

“You take care of yourself okay? Until the next time I see you? Try not to get any bruise. Ah, I am going to miss you fake laughing at all my jokes.”

“I’ll miss your jokes too, Jin”

He shook his head laughing and said, “My jokes are lucky, they’ll be missed by you.”

He hugged you one last time and you both said your goodbye. When he drove off, you went inside your house, regretting that you didn’t tell him your feelings. You wish that’s not the last time you’ll see him.

You were trying to hang your coat on the coat rack when you heard a knock on your door.

“Ah, what did he forget this time?” you told yourself

Your heart started beating so fast and you told yourself that this is it. You have to tell Jin your feelings or you won’t have any chance at all. As soon as you opened the door, you felt a heavy hand slapped your face.

Milo

Your eyes started to get blurry and you felt dizzy from the pain. Milo is yelling but you can’t seem to hear what he is saying. He grabbed your left hand and started choking you.

You tried to say something, but you can’t. His hands are getting tighter and tighter around your neck. After a few seconds, your face started to turn white, and then he let go.

“Is that what you’ve been doing while I was gone?” he yelled. “F*cking an Idol? You’re mine Y/N. Nobody is going to have you except me. Do you understand?”

“I don’t want to be with you anymore Milo” you tried to say clearly while still choking. You still feel his heavy hands around your neck.

“You know what’s going to happen to you right? If you leave me? I will kill myself and blame you for it. I will leak that video we have and see if they’ll still respect you after that! You are not getting away from me Y/N” he yelled in front of your face

“I don’t care Milo. Do what you need to do. Ruin me as much as you want. I don’t care anymore.” you replied, trying to stand up. You reached for your phone in your pocket. “Get the f*ck out of my house Milo or I am calling the police”

“We are not done yet Y/N. I am coming b----”

“Get the f*ck out of here Milo!” you screamed so hard despite your voice shaking and tears running down your cheeks.

He gave you one last look and left, slamming the door behind him.

You are left laying on the floor, crying. You wanted to call Jin but you don’t want him to worry about you. You called you mom and she answered. When she got to your house, you explained her everything.

“Y/N…” she hugged you tighter and started crying as well. She didn’t ask anything. You kept telling her how sorry you are for lying. She just told you not to worry about it and they’re going to do everything to protect you.

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