#i think at this rate there's a good chance the next update could be out before the end of the month. maybe. hopefully.

[redo-rewind-if]

Breaking news: Is MC the reason V has chronic migraines? It's more likely than you think!

[dancingbirdie]

This request is really out of the blue but, i need I CRAVE i require a fic where tav and astarion finally find a cure for his vampirism (in dnd5 it can actually happen yay!) and he manages to see his reflection again and finally have his natural eye color again (blue bc he's prob a moon elf but I don't mind other colors too). The fangs can stay or not, idc, i just want my boy happy, in love, and cared for. Bonus points if there's cuddles too

OK first of all, thanks for this prompt!! Second, I had to break this up into two parts because I'm afraid of how unwieldy it would get otherwise. So see part 1 below. I'm actively writing part 2 and should have that posted within the next few days. Hope you enjoy!

UPDATE: Chapter 2 available here!

I Promised You (Chapter 1)

Rating: G

Pairing: Astarion x GN!reader

Word Count: 3.1K

Warnings/Tags: mentions of unconsciousness, cheeky banter, domestic life, post-events of BG3, potentially problematic levels of self-sacrifice by reader.

***

“All right. I think you’re ready,” Gale affirmed as he peered over your shoulder, analyzing your hand movements as you practiced the incantation. 

“You think? Shouldn’t we wait until you’re sure?” you replied, heavy skepticism coloring your tone. 

“I can’t give you my complete assurance because you haven’t actually cast the spell,” the wizard sighed. 

The two of you had had this argument many times over the past several months as you studied and practiced. And studied and practiced some more. The conclusion was always the same, but your anxiety always managed to convince you that a different outcome would be had if you just asked him again. 

Conjuration magic was one of the most difficult forms to master. Yes, you had specialized in it during your formative years, under the tutelage of several learned wizards across Faerûn, but this spell was perhaps the pinnacle of feats in conjuration. Only a handful of wizards could perform it. Thankfully Gale was among that number, which is why you had come to him for help.

“As I’ve said, this isn’t a spell you can just cast for practice runs,” he continued. “You have one chance. And if it works, the sheer power of it is undoubtedly going to knock you unconscious.” 

“I know, I know,” you grumbled. “I just… I need to be absolutely perfect. I have to do this. For him.” 

“Have you told him what you’re planning yet?” Gale prodded.

“No. Not yet. I didn’t want to get his hopes up. Or have him tell me how unlikely success will be. Not until I was absolutely sure I could do this.” 

“I see,” the wizard returned, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “Well, tonight is as good a time to tell him as any. There’s nothing more I can teach you to prepare for this. You know the incantation by heart. You perform the gestures almost through muscle memory now. You’re ready.”

“I’m ready,” you repeated, as if saying the words would will it to be so. 

“Send me a missive if he wants to go through with this. I’ll come to the cottage and oversee the spell’s casting.”

“All right,” you nodded.

“It’s going to work. You have to believe it’s going to work,” Gale encouraged, meeting your eyes with a serious, stern sort of expression.

“It’s going to work,” you agreed. “It’s going to work.” 

***

It was dusk by the time you returned to the cottage. It was a modest home you shared with Astarion, situated just outside the city walls. It had a lovely view of the rolling hills that surrounded Baldur’s Gate, and proximity to the Chionthar River gave the air a refreshing, misty feel. Pastoral communities dotted the countryside with sheep and cattle grazing freely during the day, though they had returned to their stables long before your return.

Astarion was no fan of the bucolic lifestyle, as he was wont to remind you. But you both agreed that this living situation afforded him better meal prospects than the rats, cats and errant stray dogs that dwelled within the city limits. At least this way, he had more fulfilling options for food, since the livestock attracted their fair share of large predators. A mild, perpetual confusion charm that you cast kept the neighbors from questioning why – unlike their peers in neighboring villages and towns – their animals were never plagued by roving bears and panthers. 

Astarion was lounging listlessly in the bay window of the den when you entered your home, one leg dangling off the ledge of his reading nook while he carelessly flipped through a book. Probably one he had pilfered from Gale’s stockpile a few weeks ago, you surmised. There had been an uptick in the wizard’s grumbling about discrepancies in his library catalog of late. 

“Anything interesting?” you asked as you shrugged out of your traveler’s cloak and hung it on the coat rack by the door. 

“Ugh, hardly,” Astarion grouched. “Nothing but debunked theories and philosophies from bloated scholars who died a hundred years ago.”

“You’re going to have to return Gale’s books to him eventually, you know. He’s beginning to realize how many from his library are missing.”

“Haven’t the slightest clue what you’re referring to, darling,” he replied breezily.

“Of course, love,” you chuckled, planting a kiss on his forehead as you passed him by to make your way into the kitchen. 

“Care for a glass of wine?” you called.

“Mm, yes,” Astarion returned. “Red, please, dear.”

Uncorking the bottle and pouring the glasses gave you a brief moment to collect your thoughts. To steel your nerves for the conversation looming before you. Drawing a deep breath in and exhaling it slowly, you made your way back into the den and braced for the inevitable. 

“Darling, do you have a moment?” you asked as you offered Astarion his glass before taking a seat next to him. “I’d like to talk to you about something.”

“Gods, it must be serious,” he teased, straightening from his reclined pose to take the proffered glass and make room for you. “You like you’re about to be ill. Go on then, love, before you faint and spill this vintage all over the floor.”

“It is rather serious, in fact,” you began, clearing your throat that had suddenly become tight with nerves.  “I’ve waited to tell you until now, but I’ve been researching some more difficult conjuration magic with Gale the past few months…”

“Oh?” Astarion prompted as you paused. “For what purpose, darling? I thought you had already mastered the school of conjuration.”

“I have. But this is a more specialized form. More… niche, I guess one might say. And, well…” you trailed off again, hesitant.

“Go on,” he encouraged. 

“I’ve-been-researching-a-spell-that-cures-vampirism-and-I-think-I’ve-found-a-way,” you spat out all at once, the words tumbling into each other like a wagon train gone wild. 

Astarion met your eyes with a blank stare, seemingly forgetting that his one hand had been in the process of lifting the wine glass to his lips. 

“I beg your pardon?” he asked hoarsely.

You coughed to clear your throat. “What I mean to say is: I’ve been working with Gale for months now to learn a spell that can cure your vampirism. He and I believe I’m ready to perform it. If you would allow me to try, that is.”

“If this is your idea of a joke,” he murmured, a slight quiver in his voice. “Then I have to tell you, it’s absolutely not funny at all.”

“It’s not a joke!” you assured. “I swear to you, Astarion. It’s not a joke,” you continued, squeezing one of his hands in yours. 

He nodded absently, his gaze trained on your thumb as it soothed over the knuckles of his fingers.

“H-how?” he whispered finally. “How can you cure it? I’ve read every tome I could get my hands on for over two hundred years. Nothing, nothing, I’ve read has ever offered a solution.”

“Because this is a highly guarded spell. It’s only passed down through oral tradition among wizards who specialize in conjuration magic. Which is why I’ve needed Gale’s help,” you explained. “I broached the topic with him some time ago, told him how we were going to look for some way to cure your vampirism. Being a master of magicks himself, I thought he would be a good source of information for me to begin my research. I wasn’t even aware of the spell until he shared it with me. He’s been teaching me the mechanics of it since then. It’s been a difficult spell to master but–” 

“What’s the cost?” Astarion interjected suddenly, meeting your gaze with a new intensity.

“It will cost you nothing, obviously,” you retorted, disliking where the conversation was heading. 

Astarion huffed through his nose. A caustic, frustrated sort of sound. “Don’t play cute with me, darling. You know what I mean.”

“No. I don’t,” you hedged.

“What will the spell cost you,” he bit out through a clenched jaw. 

You bit your lip, hesitant to reply. Astarion’s gaze never wavered. 

Finally you sighed. Better to reveal the consequences of it all than attempt to hide the downsides from him. Even though they were negligible in your eyes, compared to the wonder that would be returning his elfhood to him, you knew he would resent being told only partial truths. You couldn’t fault him for it. You would feel the same, were the roles reversed. 

“It will permanently weaken me. There’s a small, very small, chance it could kill me if I perform it wrong,” you confessed.

“No,” Astarion responded bluntly, without a hint of hesitation. He rose from the bench and made to leave the room. As if the matter had been settled and it was time to crack on. 

“Wait! What do you mean, ‘no’?” you blurted. Jumping to your feet, you snatched at the sleeve of his nightshirt. 

He turned to peer at you with a haughty gaze, one eyebrow arched delicately. “Exactly that. No. You’re not risking your life on the off chance of this working.”

“But it’s not an off chance. It will work! And the likelihood of me dying is incredibly slim!” you protested.

“But the likelihood of you being ‘permanently weakened’ is essentially certain, yes?” 

You rolled your eyes. “I’m sure it’s not as bad as it sounds. And besides, I don’t mind. I want to do this, Astarion.”

He scoffed. “Have you gone absolutely mad? ‘It’s not as bad as it sounds.’ Do you even know what will actually happen to you afterwards?” he shot back angrily.

“No,” you admitted, a bit quieter. 

He deliberately widened his eyes at your response, crossing his arms across his chest as if to say See? My point proven. 

“But I know I can handle it! And I love you enough to try!” you retorted.

That appeared to be the wrong choice of words. You realized it immediately as his expression morphed from outright anger to something darker, icier.

“Well then, it seems we’re at an impasse, darling,” he growled. “Because I love you enough not to have you go through with this.” 

You opened your mouth to object once more, but he continued, ignoring you. 

“AND, since it is my body and my life we’re discussing, it means I have the final say on the matter. My answer is no.”

You had anticipated this conversation going many different ways. You thought you had prepared for the most likely scenarios. But, in all your pondering, you hadn’t seriously considered the possibility that Astarion would reject this opportunity outright. 

Your eyes welled with tears. Hot, angry, disconsolate tears. 

“Astarion,” you murmured, desperate. Angry though you both were, you couldn’t resist the urge to curl into his embrace. Gently, you pulled at his arms in an attempt to un-cross them. With a soft sigh, he allowed you to manipulate him so that you were pressed chest to chest. Your arms banded around his waist, locking him against you. Slowly, he raised his arms to mimic your stance, peering down at you.  

“Astarion, my darling, this is your chance. It’s the only chance we’ve found in over two years of searching. I know I can do it. And you can win it all back. I can help you. Let me do this,” you pleaded. 

“Darling, how could I ever ‘win it all back’ when there’s a possibility I could lose you forever? Or that you could be seriously harmed in the process?” he lifted a hand to cup your cheek, smiling sadly. “I would never forgive myself if you were harmed in an attempt to cure me.”

You closed your eyes, tears slipping freely down your cheeks. “Please. I know I can do this. Please let me do this. I want to do this for you.”

“Come, pup, no more tears. I’ve given you my answer,” he murmured, swiping a thumb across your cheekbones to catch each tear.

You opened your eyes to glare at him. “If the roles were reversed, would you want to try this for me?”

“Of course,” Astarion huffed. “But that’s obviously different, I –”

“WHY? Why is it different?” you cried, clutching him. 

“Because you’re worth it!” he implored, arms vibrating as though he were resisting the urge to shake sense into you. “Your soul is worth a thousand of mine! It’s not marred by death and torture and sacrilege. Can’t you see that? Don’t you see?”

“No, I don’t,” you argued obstinately. “Because you are worth it to me. Your soul is priceless to me. I love you. You’re the love of my life.”

Astarion said nothing, just stared at you with sad eyes. You couldn’t tell if his silence meant you were persuading him, but you couldn’t relent without giving at least one more desperate plea. 

“I promised you. Remember? After everything that happened, I promised you we would find a way for you to walk in the sun once more. I didn’t make that promise lightly. I want to do this for you.”

“Darling…” he murmured sadly, shaking his head. 

“Astarion, please,” you beseeched, shifting to clutch his face between both of your palms. “I’m literally begging you to let me try. Gale and I have been practicing for almost a year now. He wouldn’t tell me I was ready unless he was certain. I know I can do this. Please. Let me try.”

“Don’t you have any regard for your own life?” he whispered. “How is it that I’m more concerned for your well being than you are?” 

“Darling, all of us have the slightest potential of dying every single day we continue to breathe. Anything poses some risk to our lives. I’m telling you, the risk of me dying from this is the same as the risk I take casting any other magic.”

“But there’s still a permanent cost to doing this. Have you even asked Gale to elaborate on what that entails?” 

“No,” you admitted a bit sheepishly. “I didn’t really think about it.” 

Astarion rolled his eyes but planted a kiss against your forehead. “You’re ridiculous, you know.”

“I’m sorry that I was so ecstatic about finding a cure that I leapt straight into studying it!” you said defensively, although your tone lacked teeth. 

He chuckled and wrapped you in a tighter embrace, resting his cheek on the top of your head. The two of you stood like that for some time, arms wrapped around each other, lost in thought. 

After a while, Astarion cleared his throat. “I want us to speak to Gale. I want to know the full details, the consequences of a spell like this.”

You jerked your head up in surprise, staring at him with wide, elated eyes. 

“I’m not saying yes,” he clarified, attempting to tamp down your burgeoning excitement. “But I’m willing to hear more about this… possibility.”

A delighted squeal rocketed up your throat. Quick as a flash, you jumped to wrap your legs around his waist. Long used to your ebullient antics, Astarion caught you with a practiced ease. His arms banded under your thighs and across your lower back, squeezing gently. 

“I love you, you daft, feral thing,” he chuckled, nuzzling your cheek. 

***

“I would have gone over this months ago, had you afforded me the opportunity,” Gale had groused upon arriving at the cottage the following evening. The three of you shared a bottle of barrel-aged Callidyren while Astarion peppered the wizard with umpteen questions about the spell’s mechanics. To his credit, Gale managed to assuage Astarion’s concerns. At least for the most part. 

The permanent effects of casting the spell, you both learned, would diminish your inner well of magic, rendering you unable to cast as many spells as you currently could before resting for a longer period of time. Almost as though the cost of performing the spell would revert you back to the strength you had had as an apprentice so many years ago. You would still be powerful, capable of wielding even the most intricate of spells. But your endurance would be shorter, more concentrated. It was a price you were more than willing to pay. Even more so now that you had actually allowed Gale to describe the effects in detail. 

“I still can’t believe you didn’t press for more details,” Astarion grumbled. 

“It didn’t seem important at the time,” you sniffed, waving a hand dismissively. “Still doesn’t, in my opinion.”

“You know, in some schools of thought,” Astarion countered dryly, “people believe the difference between bravery and complete idiocy is so fine a line that it frequently gets crossed.”

“So I’ve heard,” you crooned. “But, alas, I’m nothing if not an incredibly adept fool in love.” 

Gale observed the two of you warily, as if uncertain whether this exchange constituted harmless domestic banter or an undercurrent of severe agitation. 

“Yes, well,” he interrupted awkwardly, “as I said before, you’re as ready as you will ever be to perform this magic. I’ll be here to supervise and intervene, if necessary, though I don’t think it will be.”

“Bully for us. Is there anything else we should be prepared for, if we’re to go through with this?” Astarion snapped. “Sudden onset sliminess? Gills? Frothing at the mouth?”

You winced. He was always his most discourteous self when he was afraid. Gale might not realize it, but you knew him well enough to tell when his rudeness was obfuscation.   

“Ahem,” Gale coughed, clearly affronted by the impertinent question. “No, nothing of that sort. But this spell is incredibly demanding on one’s body. It’s very likely they’ll fall unconscious once it’s been cast. The effect shouldn’t last for more than a few hours. Enough time for a proper rest.”  

“You failed to mention that yesterday,” Astarion said peevishly, glaring at you from across the dining table. 

“Because it’s the equivalent to me needing a good sleep after a tiring day,” you quipped. 

Gale winced. “It’s a bit more serious than that, I’d argue.”

“Thank you,” Astarion intoned. 

“Tsk. An inconvenience at worst. Nothing unmanageable,” you retorted. “So, what say you, darling? Are you willing to give this a try?”

Astarion’s glare shifted between you and Gale, studying you both. 

“And you both swear to me that all information is now disclosed, yes? No partial truths, no hidden side effects?”

“I swear,” the two of you responded in unison. You reached for Astarion’s hand across the table. 

“My darling, this will work. I’m going to be fine. And you’re going to be cured,” you smiled gently. “Please, trust me.”

He squeezed your hand, crimson eyes boring into your own. 

Finally, after a moment, he gave you a terse nod.

“All right. Let’s try,” he agreed.

[matchesarelit]

Imagine If You Will... Just Us (Lars Pinfield X gn!Reader)

Prompts: “I thought it was going to be just us today” from @pookie-and-cereal's list (here) AND #17, #28 and #30 from @thelonelyempath's list (here).

W.C: ~3k

Warnings: Gary gets typical 3rd wheel treatment, science flirting (it's real bad),

Coming back from Ray's, your arms were killing, turns out hiking over an hour over public transport with more than ten kilos of, for a lack of a better word, junk, was not the brightest idea. Lars had texted you late last night, gushing over the newest adaptions he'd make to the extractor; how much time was saved on every use, how low the resistance rate was etc.

So naturally, when he invited you to come in on the weekend to try it out, your reply could have broken the sound barrier, if it weren't a text that is. You weren't exactly in his realm in regards to ghostbusting science, now don't get me wrong you did ghost bust on occasion, but your main focus was on the PR end of Ghost Corps. Yes, it is a very stressful job. That being so, you weren't sure why he'd chosen to invite you, surely another scientist would be able to understand it better.

Well, who truly cares... you were getting the rare chance to witness his dorky joy and that was not something you were going to turn down.

Finally trudging in through the main doors, you let out a grievous grunt as you dropped the box of trinkets onto a nearby trolley. Tugging it along behind you as you made your way to the main lab, you waved as you always did towards the enclosed ghosts in the hallway. Finally setting sights on the elaborate workspaces of the many scientists that work crammed into the space, you allowed your smile to overtake your features, eager as always to see Lars in his natural environment.

You'd first met when you stated on the G.C PR team, you'd been eager to set up a web page for the Ghostbusters with a page profile for all involved scientists. Winston had had you meet them all here in the lab, Lars was one of the first you'd met and you'd gotten along immediately.

"Heyo! I think you're gonna have to send Ray a gift basket with the amount of stuff he gave us-" Your rattled-out greeting was cut short as your eyes fell on the pair of men huddled by one of the desks. As they turned to greet you, you felt your steps slow, the air felt dense against your movements. Lars had forced out a smile that had no hopes of reaching his eyes, while the man by his side, Gary Grooberson, seemed to be dripping in ecstatic energy as he jogged over to meet you by the steps.

As he lifted the front end of the trolley and helped you carry it down, your eyes fell back on Lars, he was once again facing away from you and he'd retreated to the large mechanical focus of your visit. His hands were busy doing, what even you could tell from across the room, was absolutely nothing.

Cutting your study short, Gary captured you in a hug, it was as it always is; warm and comforting and definitely more for him than it was for you. You had time and time again succeeded in putting a good spin on whatever ruckus his family had created, so he was by no means a new acquaintance, neither was his proclivity for hugs a surprise.

Gary's greeting however flew right past your ears, tearing your focus away from the man on the other side of the space was proving much too difficult. To your luck however, you managed a gentle greeting and casual inquiry of how his family was doing before a notable amount of time had passed.

With a conscious effort you set your eyes on Gary, resolved to focus on the conversation at hand, the man before you was a friend after all. As the conversation continued, small updates about how the Spenglers and co were doing outside of the ghost busts filled the next half hour, before the dialogue began to stall.

Until, Gary, ever the extrovert, started to rifle through the box you'd brought in,

'So, are you as excited for today as I am? It sounds like Lars has been making absolute leaps and bounds with this stuff.'

Now, you wouldn't say you were projecting your voice when you spoke up, nonetheless, it definitely wasn't a normal speaking level. 'Yeah! I can't wait to see what he's been up to...' You trailed off as you glanced towards where Lars still stood, his back to the two of you but his hands had now stilled in place, a change you all but reveled in.

Lars wasn't a guy who enjoyed being alone all to much, you'd been able to gather as such within moments of meeting him. Luckily, that first time, you'd caught him on a good day; when talking about his work, rather than doing it, was pretty much exactly what he wanted to do. He'd tried to come across as a sort of stoic and while it was clear he did enjoy the solitude, the way he interacted with his peers made it crystal clear how much he also enjoyed such conversations.

That was part of why his actions today seemed so strange... You weren't exactly his peer as a scientist, but you knew enough about ghosts and he'd shared similar achievements with you in the past, not to mention the fact that he, himself, had invited you here only last night.

As for Gary, he was a scientific man himself, so why the Lars wasn't chatting happily with him about the newest changes to the mechanism was a mystery to say the least.

You'd hate to admit it, although it wasn't hard to notice by any means, you'd obliviously thought it was just going to be the two of you. So it took some quick metal re-wiring upon realizing you wouldn't just be able to fawn so freely over the unsuspecting scientist as you often did.

In that moment you'd felt bad, noting that both of you were acting strange and that that couldn't have been too fun for Gary.

Although... you considered perhaps Lars was simply overthinking his progress, now that his audience was present. Maybe he just needed a little push to start, like one of those old timey planes.

'Lars' Your call cracked through the silence of the facility, your voice finally tugging the man in question to turn on the spot. 'Come on Science-man, show us what you've got!'

He shook his head slightly in a sort of incredulity as he turned back around, your shoulders fell slightly, but only momentarily as his voice soon bounced around the room.

'Come on then'

Your eager smile reappeared on your face as you beelined towards the large prism like container in the middle of the workplace, where he stood hitting, what you could only assume, were the start up buttons. Your eyes on him, and his eyes on the machine -with you safely in his peripherals- Gary was left to wheel over the box of supplies. His mumblings of something about third wheeling and losing his phone, all but faded to oblivion in your focus.

Stepping back from the small panel and towards yourself and Gary, Lars seemed to pause for a moment, glancing once between you and his chair that sat empty by the control screen. You brushed off the look he'd given as he began to speak, as a mutual offer between him, yourself and Gary, You'd chosen consciously however, to not plop down in it yourself.

Strangely, claiming his seat whenever he stood from it, felt like something you could only do in private, although it usually occurred when ten or so other scientists also occupied the space. You suppose, sitting there; your head in your hand, as you gawk up at him was a lot more obvious when the only other person in the room would be standing mere feet away.

Whilst you turned your own thoughts over in your head, Gary had taken the chair for himself, muttering out a cheeky, 'ya snooze ya lose'. While you were still mulling things over, Gary caught what you didn't; a flash of a glare passing over Lars' features as he paused his explanation.

Choosing to remain comfy, Gary shot the younger scientist a simple smile, before tilting his head in your direction. With one look to you, your in-your-head state was obvious and Lars was talking a step towards you, your name a whisper on his lips.

Snapping out of your thoughts, and meeting his eyes, you immediately rushed out an apology running shaky hands down your face as you promised to listen closely.

From there it was somewhat business as usual, Lars went about explaining his changes, with yourself, and Gary, asking prompting questions every once and a while. You'd resolved to simply enjoy his company as you usually would, extra company be damned. Sorry Gary.

Gaping up at him in the way you always did, you were yet again in awe of Lars. The way his eyes shone a little brighter when the machine worked perfectly and how he would always look eagerly to you a soft smile on his face. Ghost by ghoul, the three of you went about testing for a while, with Lars occasionally ducking his head towards the wiring or control panel to make some small adjustment, only to return with a beaming smile when the following test went by even faster.

Watching him work was always enjoyable. He was always either grinning like a fool or he had that small frown and furrowed brow that graced his features in a moment, usually quite brief, of struggle. All the same, even that echo of a scowl wasn't enough to diminish the glow you swore he gave off. Today was slightly different, there was no lab coat in sight, his goggles hung loosely around his neck and the top half of his jumpsuit had been tied 'round his waist. He seemed relaxed, at least if you ignored the tension that seemed to be holding his body together.

'Amazing' your murmured comment, and the countless like it, were more about him than his machine and whenever you caught his eyes with your own, you hoped he could see that. Gary, on the other hand was completely enthralled by the testing, rattling off compliments of his own with much higher frequency, mentions of the 'stellar efficiency' and 'innovative programming' which, I'm sad to say, went in one ear and out the other. Except, for when he managed to interrupt you in the midst of his enthusiasm, at which point he was met with yet another brief glare from the man of the hour.

The setting sun that bathed the three of you in warm tones of orange and yellow took you by surprise, and a quick glace to the box by your side revealed you had powered through more than three quarters of your supplies. You felt your shoulders fall considerably at this thought, now achingly aware you'd be expected to leave somewhat soon. Shocking you from your melancholy was the loud ring of Lars' phone, some 8-bit version of the Ghostbusters theme you'd set up on his phone some time ago, echoing about the space.

He hurriedly excused himself, and unwitting as usual your eyes lingered on the doorway he'd left through. Until a clambering of legs swung into your own, following them with an eyebrow raised you met Gary's stare as his own eyebrows wiggled fancifully. 'Soooo... I'm gonna get going, Callie just texted-' Catching him in a squinted glare you doubted '-didn't you say you'd lost your phone?'

'um-uh, okay so I'm just a little aware that you guys want to be alone.' His tone was anything but unsure, nevertheless he seemed hesitant to voice his concern.

'No don't go, I'm sorry I-I know I get a bit absorbed seeing him work, but he wants you here!' You'd felt horrible, you weren't aware how obvious you'd been.

'Its okay, I know you didn't mean to... Also I highly doubt Lars is all that happy about me being here.' You opened your mouth to argue but he shook his head simply as he continued. 'Winston invited me after Lars let him know he'd be here today, He didn't know until I got here and that half an hour before you arrived was tense enough.'

You supposed he was right, Lars had seemed pretty off earlier, but surely it wasn't that deep that Gary should leave. 'That's silly though, you're a scientist, if anyone is annoying him by hanging around surely its me... I mean I was asking all those inane questions.'

Your concern was met with the most well meaning, yet still a bit of a brush-off, cackle you'd heard from him, 'Except every one was met with a soft explanation and a confirmation that you understood, which wasn't exactly the response I've been getting. I doubt today was meant to be about the science as anything more than as a justification for inviting you over.'

Your brow furrowed at that, yourself and Lars had hung out before, you supposed it wasn't too frequently and it was usually a work outing where the two of you peeled off for a bit. Even so, why would he feel like he had to justify inviting you over?

'But we're friends, he knows he doesn't have to-' you stopped yourself as his footsteps reverberated through the halls, growing closer by the second.

Mid-way through turning your head to catch the doorway, Gary darted out of his chair. Stealing back your attention as he addressed yourself and you supposed lars, who you could imagine had stopped, lingering at the end of the hall at the other man's outburst. 'I've gotta get going, great seeing you guys... Good luck with the rest of the testing...' He was backing away now, towards the entryway, maneuvering around stray chairs and tables as he went. With a final flourish of a finger gun in Lars' direction, he was crossing the threshold and calling back over his shoulder. '...Not that you need it!'

You found yourself scoffing in disbelief as you continued to watch as the doors swung closed with a slam. Slowly turning on the spot you set sights on Lars. He was making his way over to you, shoulders still higher than usual, tight due to, as far as you could ascertain, the dramatic exit of the older man. Reaching out, you placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. As the slight weight of your hand settled on him you noted the relaxed fall of his shoulders, a sigh falling from his lips. Content with the slight ease in his demeanor you gave a slight squeeze and a hum of your own.

'So, should we get back to it?' Lars nodded, but otherwise remained completely still until you elected to remove your hand, at which point he spun on the spot and traipsed back over to the machine with a vigor that'd been notably absent all day.

Narrowing your eyes at the man in front of you, you watched as he returned to his regular As Seen On TV type demonstration. Now, with a pep in his step that you always found almost too intoxicating he placed a new object inside the chamber, closed it and started towards the computer.

'Hey, Lars? Can you level with me on something?' you hated to see how his movements stuttered to a halt at your vague interruption, but the question fell from your lips before you could think, 'Do you not like Gary?' His gaze seemed to flutter about the space, until his eyes were screwed shut, a shaky hand messing through his locks as his jaw dropped open, dancing silently in the nonexistent wind until you fixed him with pointed look and he suddenly found some words.

'I don't dislike him he's just very- He's smart it's just- its just that...' he trailed off, seemingly deciding to communicate through a jumpscare like gesture of his hands.

'He's very eager?' he nodded, glad you gotten his meaning, but he stilled when your head tilted ever so slightly.

'So am I.' With that thought your eyes had drifted from his, not shyly to the ground but dazed, as if fixed on some invisible specter only you could see. Your mind grew harsh faster than you'd care to admit, retroactively scanning every interaction with him against some intangible measure of frustration. There were surely times your presence slowed his work, distracting him with conversation or absurd what if's, not to mention the plethora of what you now realized must have been idiotic questions.

Surely he'd been speaking while you re-considered your very existence, but it wasn't until you felt the warmth of his hands on your shoulders that an ounce of sound managed to reach your brain.

'Hey, you okay there? You-you went blank on me.'

'I-um yeah -I just...' You had no clue what to say, how could you? Yeah sorry I was just thinking about how insufferable I must be to you, that came with a little spiraling as a treat.

Gathering that you'd most likely missed his in depth explanation of the difference between yourself and Gary from his perspective, Lars stepped away from you, considering the best way to dissolve the tension evident on your features. 'You and I, Us, we're not just colleagues, you don't just come to me to get new gadgets or answer some question you have... even if you do have a few. We're... something else, but when he's here its like he's extracting facts and figures, all the while you're just trying to understand me, m-my work. Its not his fault I- just I-'

'-Thought it was going to be just us today?' Cutting off his rambling you finally met his eyes. He shrugged nodding slightly as he held your gaze. 'If it makes it better?.. it is now.'

He released a bemused hmmf. 'I'll admit I wasn't the biggest fan of having to fight for your attention today. I'm pretty glad it is just the two of us again. Splitting your focus between me and my work is as much as I can handle.' Shaking your head in amusement at his sudden bluntness, you stepped towards him, a gentle hand against his chest, the eye contact mere inches long as you stood in his orbit.

'You are so oblivious... Trust me Lars there was not a moment that you weren't the nucleus of my afternoon.' A light groan was his only response to your overy-cheesy claim. 'No? what about...' you thought for a moment, tapping a finger to your chin.

'I'm much too weak to resist the gravity of your presence.' he narrowed his eyes at you own, looking for something you couldn't distinguish.

'Is that why you're in so close? My pull is too strong?' He didn't bother to cover the roll of his eyes or the teasing tone in his voice, but the smile that was paired with them was comfort enough to keep you talking.

'Mhmm You're just too enthralling Pinfield, you're gonna have to work on that if you want other people to be able to stand being around us'

Amidst all his scoffing and modest smiling, the blush that spung up across his cheeks was a sight for sore eyes, as his head lowered and he whispered into the paper thin space between you his tone even and resolute;

'Who says I'd ever want that?'

[btsmosphere]

Supercharged | JJK

Chapter 6: Burn Out

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🗲summary: It starts with a blow to the chest that changes your life. When your city’s most celebrated hero pays a visit, it turns out the noble Bolt has no trouble tossing lives aside. Lives that won't be missed. Lives like yours. Seven mysterious and powerful men give you another chance – one that starts to feel more like a curse the moment you meet golden boy Jungkook. The boy who wants you as far from his brothers as he can get you. Is it you he hates, or the blue lightning that now runs through your veins? And could it be his golden light that illuminates your heart when darkness threatens? 🗲this chapter: When things get ahead of you, your powers aren’t the only things to spill over; some truth is ready to breach the surface.

🗲pairing: jungkook x female reader 🗲word count: 7k 🗲genre: angst, action, eventual fluff, enemies to lovers, slow burn, superheroes/villains au, found family 🗲rating: pg15 🗲warnings: violence with superpowers, swearing, minor injuries, self-doubt, over-training, loss of control and... awkwardness

a/n: this could have been two chapters, and I did think about it, but fuck it, you guys deserve a nice hefty update! this just means there's a fair bit of development ahead...

“At least Namjoon didn’t blow out any of the lightbulbs. Those are a nightmare to replace.”

Jimin smiled weakly when you didn’t respond to his joke. His worried gaze travelled to V, who stood behind you. He shrugged.

With a sigh, Jimin sat back. You hadn’t looked him in the eye as he checked your wounds, too caught up thinking. About the ways Jungkook was stronger than you. The ways you messed up. If only you had more stamina, if only you could shoot quicker, use more power.

The fight replayed in your head, displaying all the moments you could have responded better.

Was Jungkook right? Were you anywhere near ready to go out there?

“All done.”

You blinked, finding Jimin staring back at you. How long had he been waiting?

“Oh. Thanks,” you tried your best to muster a smile.

Sending you a smile in return, he stood up, placing the first aid box into the cupboard.

“It’s alright. At least you got out relatively unscathed,” he said, “just some bruises, a couple of singes here and there.”

He winced again at the sight of the faint bruising on your neck. Though he wished he could say this wasn’t like the Jungkook he knew, he would be lying.

Jungkook hurt people all the time: all of them did. But here, at home, he was usually at ease with their little family. After everything he had been through, however, Jimin knew very well how short his youngest brother’s fuse could be.

A quiet click announced the newcomer as Hobi poked his head round the bathroom door.

“Everything alright?” he asked.

It fell a little awkwardly in the space. Nothing was alright after tensions had boiled over so violently just half an hour ago, and you all knew it. Still, you gave him a nod.

Slipping into the room, Hope leaned against the counter, dodging out of the way as Jimin threw a few band-aid wrappers in the bin.

“Sorry about Jungkook,” Hope began, “he… he’s a bit protective. But we thought it would get better. It should never have got this far.

“You can do whatever you want today, get food and watch movies. I should think Kook will be training for quite a while.”

The way he said that left no doubt as to what the younger was actually doing. Images from his rage workout the other day invaded your head. Good, as long as he was away from you.

Tugging your hoodie back on to cover the bruises you had acquired, you agreed and followed the others to the living room. Soon taking up residency on the couch, you didn’t intend on moving anywhere soon.

Thankfully, the others didn’t expect you to either. Nor did they push you for conversation when you were so evidently staying quiet, and instead they put a film on and chatted around you.

You didn’t see Jungkook that whole day.

That didn’t mean he wasn’t lingering in your mind, though. At the very least, the slight discomfort from the bruises he had given you served as a reminder of everything that had transpired. But your frustration fluctuated between him and yourself.

If Jungkook’s behaviour could be excused as protective, you were going to need a lot more explanation than that. What reason had you given him to hate you so much?

He hadn’t given you the chance to do anything but fail since you got there, so how could you be expected to trust him?

But while you wanted him to see that you could be trusted, you started to doubt that yourself. Maybe you were trying to help the boys by joining them, but as much as you wanted to deny it, Jungkook had proved that you were weak.

For now, you didn’t want to go near him, so you used that as your excuse for staying put all day, letting the household go about its day around you. But steadily, your mind filled with all the things you needed to work on. You had to patch up the gaps where your powers lacked, and you weren’t going to rely on Jungkook to do it anymore.

Maybe if you proved yourself, they would want you after all? Besides showing your lack of bond with Jungkook, today had surely showed Namjoon that you weren’t up to the task.

That was why he had stood you down.

Which was why you found yourself alone in a training room a few days later.

Since that day, you hadn’t trained. For one thing, your trainer had cemented his place as your mortal enemy, so you had no one to practise your powers with, since the others were all preparing for other things.

As for physical training, you thought they would at least let you do that. But they insisted you needed to rest for a couple more days.

You didn’t protest too much, but you knew this was how it would begin. This was their excuse to stop you training. They had given up on you, thinking you weren’t good enough to join them.

You were going to show them, Jungkook above all.

Now they were away on a mission, Jungkook nowhere to be found, leaving you the opportunity at last.

With the way the last outing had gone, they had switched plans. Now, instead of waiting around for Bolt to strike, they were beginning to relocate their allies, moving important weapons and things to more secure locations, while feeding Bolt’s informants the impression that the vacated premises were still operational. They hoped it would buy some time so they could formulate more of a plan to combat Bolt, without him gaining more power in the meantime.

Of course, Jungkook was still seething. He had made himself scarce the moment the others left, no doubt wanting to avoid spending any time with you.

You weren’t complaining.

Breathing deeply, you assessed the targets you had set up. A smile graced your face. The last time you had trained alone, you had accomplished a lot. Maybe you would try lifting objects again.

But first, you had to work on your speed. That was the main weaknesses Jungkook had highlighted. You weren’t able to keep up with him, and you had to change that.

Rolling out your stiff shoulders, wincing for a moment when it twinged the last remnants of your bruises, you raised an arm.

Your power felt a little rusty as it burst from your palm. Gritting your teeth against the slight tingle of pain, you cut it off and fired again. After a few tries, it felt pretty much normal. You weren’t going to wait any longer.

Lifting both arms now, you alternated your fire, turning in the space as you tried to hit each target. You hit them all, bolstering your confidence as you took a breather and went again. You may have hit them all, but you wanted to be faster.

This time, you didn’t even wait for one bolt to die away before you fired the next one. Focussing on short, sharp bursts, you let your powers pulse through the air.

The rattle and clash of metal filled the space as you shook each target in turn.

You made it around the room again, finding a rhythm, but this time you didn’t stop. Bolt wouldn’t stop if he was attacking you; Jungkook hadn’t. You had to push through.

So when you approached the familiar feeling of your powers slipping, you simply pushed through. You maintained your speed, barely able to keep up with the pace you had set. It was like running while the ground was slipping from under you, but you stayed standing and on your toes, enjoying the exhilaration of the electricity flowing through you.

You felt its power, hot and fierce in your chest, revelling in your ability to control it.

Then, one bolt sputtered and died. You picked it up again in a split second as you fired the next lightning into the space, but it scared you. Picturing the onslaught of gold from the other day, you knew that could cost you dearly in a fight.

So while your powers protested, you pressed on. Now, you had to force out each beam of light, but you weren’t about to stop. You had to improve. You had to succeed.

You didn’t notice when the heat of your powers became unpleasant. That burning sensation hadn’t invaded you for so long, but suddenly it was overwhelming, crashing down on you.

Gasping at the sharp pain, you staggered for a moment, not wanting to stop.

You raised your arm again. This would not defeat you. You had to push through.

Nothing came.

You searched for the familiar feeling to unleash your power, but instead you felt a tangle in your chest, a sparking ball of electricity that hissed at you like a wild animal.

Not now…

A stabbing pain lanced through your chest, blue suddenly erupting into the air. But this time it wasn’t you. Your power clawed its way down your arm, leaving a burning trail in its wake.

Biting down on a pained cry, you looked around in fear at the empty training room.

Though panicked, you knew you had to control it. You had pushed just a little too far, you only needed to reign it in again.

But as you closed your eyes, trying to find the centre of your power, shut it off like you were used to, more blasts leapt from that chasm in your chest. You battled to close it down, but it had power over you now.

Blue filled the space, colliding with the walls, clattering against targets.

Your knees buckled, sending you crashing to the floor. Now, you were unable to control it as you cried out, each release of your power coming with its own wave of pain. You thought you had left this unbearable heat behind, but now it seared through your body with a vengeance as your powers ran rampant.

Control it, control it-

But you couldn’t find space to breathe, let alone to calm your powers. Your arms shook, a tear breaking free from your eye as you gasped.

What had you done?

In your vision, blurry with pained tears and cut up by streaks of luminescent blue, something moved.

Though you lay panting on the floor, you squinted towards it. It was a person.

Were the others back? Your frazzled mind barely had time to wonder this, before the most pressing issue asserted itself again.

Wincing and curling in on yourself as another shot of electricity forced its way from you, you called out. Your voice was raw and shaking, but you had to protect them.

“Don’t come near! I’ll- I might hurt you!”

You knew your voice was thick with tears, but surely they could understand you? Why were they coming closer?

At the same time, both a yelp of pain and a lightning bolt escaped you. Your eyes widened; the figure was directly in its path.

A flash of gold.

The figure ran closer.

Despite your state, you had enough presence of mind to feel your cheeks burning as Jungkook came to a stop in front of you, looking down at you with wide, panicked eyes. For a few seconds, his mouth opened and closed uselessly.

Then, another bolt. And another.

As they cut through the room, leaving behind their signature of burning pain, the world tilted. Your eyes squeezed shut, Jungkook forgotten as the sizzling sting of your powers took up your thoughts.

You wanted it to stop.

“Control it.”

The instruction was muttered in your ear, closer than you expected. The next moment, a weight shifted against your back, pulling you to sit upright and against something. Someone.

Still heaving for air, you shook your head.

“I- I c-can’t!”

Another flash of blue, another flash of pain.

The arm that was looped around you squeezed tighter.

“You have to. Control it.”

And then a hand was placed against your back, steady and firm compared to your own body. It nestled between your shoulder blades.

The next thing you knew, a warm sensation bloomed there. But not uncomfortable, like your own rebelling powers. It bled through you, enveloping the mess that your powers had become. Your eyes slid closed, basking in the relief from the searing pain.

You could feel your powers, a blue weight sitting in your chest. You couldn’t see them, of course, but you had always felt them to be blue – not that you had realised. Not until now, at least, because the calming light that surrounded your power felt startlingly gold in comparison.

After a moment, you were collected enough to take control. With the aid of soothing gold containing your power, you were able to breathe deeply, closing off the electricity as you had done that first time in Namjoon’s office.

The gold faded.

Still, the hand on your back lingered, remaining steady.

“Okay?”

It was only now that the weight of this situation hit you. Jungkook had had to rescue you. From your own powers, no less.

You simply nodded, not trusting words to form.

At your confirmation, his hand finally left you. He had been sitting behind you, supporting you, but now he moved away. You would deny that you missed it.

But he only shifted around to your side, sliding an arm under your own.

“Are you crazy?” he asked, but there wasn’t much bite behind it.

Shaking his head, he muttered a curse as he helped lift you from the ground.

“What were you thinking?”

Again, the usual venom was missing from his voice. You kept your eyes down, not responding.

Huffing a little, he turned towards to the door. And paused.

“Can you get upstairs?”

Chewing on your lip, you kept your eyes fixed on your mug. You found the blanket you were wrapped in very interesting all of a sudden, fiddling and tugging at it with your free hand.

It was quiet.

It had been quiet for a while now, but neither of you were particularly inclined to change that.

Jungkook sat across from you, stiff and upright in his seat while you were huddled inside a blanket. He had sort of thrown it at you earlier. He hadn’t given you a second glance, instructing you rather coldly to sit, but it had to be the closest thing to affection he had ever shown you.

He was also holding a mug of tea. Perhaps it was just for show; he hadn’t lifted it once.

In a moment of weakness, your eyes darted up. You instantly regretted it, as you found his gaze already trained on you, and you both hurriedly averted your eyes again.

Just for something to do, you took a sip of tea, the slurp painfully audible in the silence. Your hand still shook a little when you lifted the mug.

Lowering it slowly, you chewed on your cheek.

“Thanks.”

You blurted it out without much consideration, the silence finally becoming too much for you.

Unfortunately, the quiet hung around a bit longer. Warily raising your eyes again, you watched Jungkook for a reaction.

His eyes were avoiding you, looking instead at a blank spot on the wall.

Then he sucked in a breath, leaning forwards to deposit his still-full mug on the coffee table.

“So do you want to tell me what you were doing?”

Finally his eyes turned to you, leaving you breathless. Your shame over what happened made words stick in your throat, but you knew you would have to explain.

Tearing your gaze from his to glare at your mug again, you felt your cheeks heating up. But you forced yourself to talk.

“You… you were right the other day. I’m not strong enough, or fast enough. I was trying to work on that – on my speed. I thought if I pushed myself, it might help. But I… I just lost control.”

Letting out a breath when you finished speaking, you looked up hesitantly. A light frown was on Jungkook’s face as he assessed you. He was thinking a little too hard for your liking.

He sat back.

“You remind me of Bolt.”

If you were still drinking, you would have choked. Your eyes widened, not knowing how to respond to that. In your search for words, all you could manage was an indignant but half-hearted excuse me?

A smirk quirked the corner of Jungkook’s mouth.

“You’re so pig-headed,” he began, “you treat your powers like some sort of game and pretend you’re good at everything…”

You simply stared, disbelieving. Was he seriously saying this to your face?

“And when you want something, you decide you’re getting it–” he eyed you before adding “–not to mention all the blue shit.”

He gestured in the general direction of all of you. You gaped.

But then he dropped his gaze, sighing.

“I… wanted to knock you down. You’re way too good at everything. You remind me of Bolt because he’s indestructible. Or it seems that way.”

Finally managing to scoff at his words, you shook your head incredulously.

“So now you think I’m good enough?”

“I didn’t want you going out there, okay?” he snapped, “I don’t trust you.”

“Just because my powers look like Bolt’s? Is that it? I never asked for this-”

“I know.”

Jungkook’s voice was softer now, startling your rant to a halt. His hands were clasped, elbows resting on his knees. And he wouldn’t quite look you in the eye.

“You’re not like Bolt. He’s the one that hurt you. I just couldn’t separate the image of you from him, what with you being so… obnoxious, and determined.”

He paused. Sighed.

“And I lied, okay?” his voice was quiet, “you’re fine. Your speed is good, you could pretty much keep up with me, and that’s saying something. I thought you’d know better.”

A frown creased your brows together. Now you were confused.

Looking up once again, he met your eyes.

“You shouldn’t push your powers, surely the others told you that? They can reach their limit, and I’m fairly sure yours did when we fought. Today was too soon, you shouldn’t have worn them out like that. You won’t be able to use them for a while. Not like that, anyway.”

“Like what?”

“Fast. You overwhelmed them, it might take a bit to build up your speed again.”

You swallowed, not wanting to believe his words.

“Or, you just want me out of training-” you bit back, but he cut you off.

“Oh, I couldn’t care less,” he sniggered, “go ahead and burn out your powers for all I care. I’m just telling you.”

You didn’t really know what to say to that. You simply tugged your blanket a little tighter around your shoulders.

“Turns out you’re human just like the rest of us.”

Was that supposed to be a compliment? Or an insult? You couldn’t really tell.

After a moment holding his gaze, you went back to your tea. The two of you seemed to agree on one thing at least, and that was avoiding each other’s eyes as the silence stretched on.

Even once your mug was emptied, you fidgeted with it, letting your fingers slide around the handle for something to do. Jungkook’s words turned over in your head. It was probably the closest he had ever come to giving you actual advice. Perhaps you should take it, give your powers a rest for a short while.

It surprised you that Jungkook hadn’t yet left. He looked remarkably awkward on the other couch, refusing to relax into the seat but sitting ramrod straight on the edge instead, insisting for some reason on staying there.

Never before had he voluntarily endured your presence for this long.

He seemed to notice you sizing him up. He turned his gaze to find you watching him with your head tilted. And somehow, he too looked hesitant, far from the confidence you usually saw in him.

You swallowed, but didn’t look away.

“Don’t tell the others?”

Your voice was quiet but clear in the space. Jungkook quirked an eyebrow.

“You’re really determined to join us, aren’t you?”

With a sigh, your expression softened. You finally looked away, picking absently at your blanket while you replied.

“I agree with what you guys are doing. Bolt tried to kill me, all because I was just… there, at the wrong time. I didn’t matter to him. That doesn’t seem like someone who cares about protecting people. So I don’t want him to get whatever he wants with those weapons he’s collecting.”

Expecting the usual argument about you being of no use, you kept your eyes stubbornly down. But Jungkook was quiet.

If you looked up, you would have seen him blinking at you. Curious, almost.

But you never did, not until his expression clouded over again and he made to speak.

“And if the others knew you did something this stupid, they’d keep you away from the action even longer.”

You rolled your eyes, but had to admit that Jungkook wasn’t wrong.

“Pretty much,” you conceded, “and I do want this. It finally feels like I have a purpose.”

You had never expected to be so blisteringly honest with Jungkook, but when you laid beseeching eyes on him, you knew you had got through somehow.

Seemingly displeased with his own decision, his mouth straightened into a line.

“Fine. I won’t tell them. But you better not do it again, you know I’ll get the blame as well.”

You weren’t sure if that was entirely true, but if Jungkook wanted to make that his reason for helping you out, then so be it.

At last, it seemed he had reached his limit with you. He stood abruptly, casting one more glance at you, and strode away. Watching his retreating form, you sunk further into the sofa. A subtle smile took up residence on your face.

You hadn’t even put the tv on. Silence filled the apartment and you stared up at the ceiling from your position on the sofa.

Since you and Jungkook talked a few days ago, he had, surprisingly, kept his word. Around the others he stoically ignored you as normal, but also diligently kept his mouth shut about your little accident.

You suspected he also didn’t want to admit to helping you. But whatever kept him quiet worked for you.

It was true that he glanced over at you more often despite his continued frosty attitude towards you. Or perhaps you were imagining that? He was just glaring at you like always – only, you began to read into it too much. Now you two shared a secret, in a sense, it meant that every time his eyes locked with yours they seemed to hold more significance.

However, you had to remind yourself nothing had changed. The two of you were still only here because you were stuck together on Namjoon’s orders. Which was the same reason Jungkook had been the one to help you before.

No, nothing had changed.

Turning your head, you let your cheek fall against the cushion as you hesitantly gazed at the tv. Maybe you should put it on, just to fill the silence?

The lack of noise in the house served as proof that Jungkook wanted as little to do with you as ever. The moment the boys were out, he made himself scarce.

At least you had been permitted to learn more about what exactly they were doing when they went out. They were leaving the house more and more frequently, and for longer stretches of time. Given Bolt’s movements, and his startling power at their last encounter (due to the weapons he had stolen from Kuyang), the boys were launching a counter-operation.

If they couldn’t defend their allies from a direct attack, they had to bide their time until they could build an attack strategy.

So for now, they were relocating important developers to throw Bolt off. Stop him before he could gain even more power; before he became too much of a match for them.

Jin seemed fairly confident that they had tracked Bolt’s sources well enough to feed him misinformation to keep him unaware of their movements. The only risk now lay in the transportation of what you could only assume were deadly weapons through the city.

Standing on the kitchen counter was a small black receiver. You could turn it on if you wanted, hear what was happening.

You were contemplating it when something pulled at your thoughts. Your focus frayed, distracted by that incomprehensible feeling that there was someone behind you.

Flipping over on the sofa, you found Jungkook leaning against the wall. His arms were folded, but there was no glare entrenched on his face. Startled, you eyed his damp hair, the oversized black shirt hanging from his shoulders.

Clearly he had just come from a shower, so why wasn’t he going to train?

The absence of a scowl was really throwing you off. He didn’t look totally comfortable, expression tight and slightly expectant, but what did he want with you?

You raised your eyebrows in question.

He blinked at you, then his eyes slid away from your face, looking somewhere over your head and through to the kitchen.

“Training,” he said.

You continued to stare, but he just as stubbornly avoided your eyes.

After another moment, you huffed and sat up.

“Training?” you echoed.

“We’re going to training.”

“…we?”

“You heard me.”

His response was dry. Already, he was pushing away from the wall and turning his back on you, leaving you little choice but to follow.

Leaving the couch and hurrying after him, you made it to his side on the stairs.

“I thought I wasn’t supposed to use my powers? After…”

“Not for speed,” he corrected you, eyes fixed ahead.

A frown furrowed your brow as you reached the training space. Today, you remained in the main, largest room. There was no one around and clearly Jungkook didn’t have want of the targets you normally used, as he stopped right in the middle and turned to you.

His brows were pinched, clearly a little hesitant about this. You noticed the way his teeth pulled slightly at his lower lip.

“Power,” he said.

You stared. With a subtle roll of his eyes, he elaborated.

“Apart from speed, that’s what you need to work on. You need to connect with your powers, feel like the light is an extension of you. Since you can’t work on your agility, it’s time to think about force.”

Nodding, you felt your confidence raise a little. When you had trained by yourself before, you had hit upon that exact feeling he described, an almost physical connection that let you lift the target.

Plus, using a little force would be more than welcome, with the pent up tension you had felt since your last disastrous practice.

Jungkook took your confirmation and stepped forwards into line with you, holding your gaze. He held his arms slightly away from his body, palms facing you.

“Summon your powers and push against me,” he instructed.

It took you a moment to get your bearings and prepare to use your powers. It had been a while. You tried to hide your slight wince when you searched for the powers only to find a scorching, tangled mess where they usually flowed from, like someone had knotted barbed wire there.

Swallowing, you let your eyes slide shut for a moment. It was as if your power was hissing at you, an animal you had to coax from hiding.

But coax it you did, the first slight tug leading them to easily unravel until the electricity flowed through your veins again. Beside a slight tremor in the flow of blue light you released, it seemed fairly normal.

Surely Jungkook wouldn’t approve of the clumsiness with which you handled your powers, though? But when you looked up, he only appeared focussed.

With a small nod as your powers shot through the air, his eyes clouded with gold and his own luminous lightning welled in his hands.

He didn’t fire a strong bolt to match yours. It appeared that he held a small golden fountain in each hand, bubbling gently, just enough to dispel your blue electricity before it could strike his palms.

Your eyes connected.

It was curious, how Jungkook’s eyes looked so much less deadly when they were literally glowing with power. As you held his gaze, you felt no urge to look away. Instead, his focus, gentle and firm at the same time, affirmed you.

Taking a breath, you continued to let your powers flow freely.

“Concentrate on your powers,” he spoke in a low voice, “feel them moving through you. Then follow that feeling outwards, feel where they connect with me.”

Taking in his words with a determined nod, you searched within you for the feeling he spoke of.

This time, you didn’t close your eyes. You were already familiar with the taste of your power in your veins, and found it with little effort.

But you stared into those gold eyes as you searched for him, the sight of them making it easier to find the corresponding sensation. Colliding with your power, you were surprised to stumble across a warmth pulsing against them. You hadn’t even realised you had followed the flow of your powers outside your fingertips; the feeling hadn’t altered as far as you could tell.

Sure enough, however, there was Jungkook – it was undeniable. Inexplicably, the intensity of his eyes felt the exact same as the fiery power rushing to meet your own lightning.

Before you could say anything, Jungkook’s lips twitched into a smirk.

“You can feel it, right?”

Now you had found it, it was easy to hold onto the sensation of his powers as they met your own.

Elated, you exhaled with a smile. His grew too.

“I’m going to push back now,” he said, “keep the connection. It’ll be like arm wrestling, only with our powers.”

You knew you should have felt a little sceptical about that. If it was anything like arm wrestling, Jungkook would be able to topple you in a second. He had been training much longer than you, and was undeniably stronger.

In fact, all you felt was an ignition in your chest, competitiveness flaring up inside you.

Jungkook’s expression shifted into focus. His smirk slipped into a concentrated line.

Where the gold in his eyes had been rippling lazily, it now grew in ferocity, blazing harshly in contrast to the abysses of his dark pupils.

The instant his powers switched, you felt it. No longer a soft warmth, they sent a jolt through you as they connected in earnest, the threads of your electricity fusing together like wires and throwing out a ball of sparks.

The molten light warred in the air between you, your eyes no doubt as vivid as Jungkook’s as you allowed more power through your palms to match his force.

To your surprise, they complied instantly. It seemed your powers were enjoying being let out like this, having lashed out the last time when you had stubbornly forced them to stop and start. With the growing power flowing from you, their connection with Jungkook strengthened as well. You could sense a distinctly gold force clashing with your powers.

Even though you could see the point where your powers converged, the feeling allowed you to notice every minute crackle of electricity, every pulse of Jungkook’s lightning.

Just like before, when you had lifted the target, your powers felt much more than just a fleeting rush of sparks. They formed a bridge outwards from your body, reaching beyond.

You felt strong.

And if Jungkook wanted to wrestle, you weren’t going to go down easily.

Channelling yet more power outwards, you pushed hard against his gold powers where they met your own.

For a moment, you succeeded in subduing the opposing force. Sparks flew again, Jungkook staggering back a step as the gold light retreated from your advance, blue dominating the bolt of energy that connected you two.

Jungkook smiled.

The next moment, it became clear he had been waiting for you to get used to the feeling and make a move. But you had no time to be touched by his newfound patience as you found yourself battling against a renewed burst of pressure from his end.

Raising your arms to be level with your shoulders, aiming at him, you gritted your teeth and stubbornly weathered the temptation to step back as his powers shoved against yours.

Now both of you were using all your energy, the connection was more vivid than before. You could sense every vein of the electricity, his as well as yours. Finding strength from somewhere, you resisted his onslaught and managed to take a step forwards.

Your tussle continued, fire against fire, both of you matching the other’s power but advancing until you were practically toe to toe.

Outstretched, slightly above your head, your hands were level, vibrant light still connecting them although his palm was just inches from yours. A waterfall of blue and gold sparks fell between your faces while you stared at each other with blazing eyes. Your breathing was heavy, trying to keep up with his relentless power, but Jungkook was also panting, damp hair falling over his eyes.

You were out of breath, but the warm air brushing over your face from Jungkook’s lips assured you that you weren’t the only one.

A sharp, exhilarated smile lit up his mouth. A brow quirked, his words breathless as he spoke.

“Not bad. Hold it…”

Sucking in a breath, you prepared for one last effort. Avoiding Jungkook’s eyes had long left your priority list, and now you were drawn in by the burning gold within them. It was like you were staring at the sun, but you couldn’t look away, not even when their light grew, yet more of his power flowing through you.

His gaze burned just as intently back, eyes trained on your own which were surely lit up blue. A slight crease formed in his brow, perhaps from concentration…

Again, you matched his power even as he overloaded the connection, more and more energy sparking in the air-

His gaze flitted away, the connection cutting abruptly.

For a moment, the brightness of the sparks, and Jungkook’s eyes, left dazzling prints on your vision even as they sputtered from existence. Air rushed in and out of your lungs, the exertion not hitting you until now.

Without the channel to focus your energy, you staggered back from Jungkook, blinking in the relative dimness.

Sensing the strength that had drained from you, you let yourself take another step to sink against the wall behind you. Breathing still heavy, you looked up at Jungkook. Though his chest heaved too, cheeks slightly flushed under his dripping hair, he hadn’t moved an inch.

Only when you met his eyes, which had returned to their regular darkness, did he start, quickly marching away to grab water bottles from the corner of the room.

One flew in your direction. Just about managing to snatch it from the air, you took an eager sip. Now you had had time to catch your breath, a strange silence settled.

“How did it feel?”

Jungkook wasn’t even looking at you. He had made his way to the bottom of the staircase, and now leaned against them, apparently finding the floor very interesting.

Hesitantly, you made your way closer, following a step behind as he started climbing back to the main house.

“Yeah, my powers, they feel… it wasn’t painful,” you replied, “they’re like normal again.”

Jungkook nodded.

“You did good. Still, don’t push it.”

By then, you had reached the top of the stairs. After pausing for a moment, Jungkook awkwardly moved away to the kitchen, while you hung back to have a shower.

The odd tension that had clung to the space between you since training occupied your mind as the water flowed over you, reinvigorating your tired body. In a way, it was just like usual. You and Jungkook had never been comfortable around each other.

But then why did it feel odd now?

The training session had given you a taste of something different. For once, Jungkook hadn’t spent the time trying to antagonise you. Instead, you had a real chance to push yourself.

It was probably the fact that, after so long without using your powers, you simply missed feeling the rush of electricity. No matter if it was also because connecting with Jungkook's powers had felt so thrilling too.

That thought was gone as quickly as the water running over you. Outside the training room at least, you knew where you stood. And that was very, very far from Jungkook.

Which is why you were so perplexed when you reached the kitchen, and didn’t find it empty.

Pausing in the hallway, you honestly considered turning back around and leaving. Trust Jungkook to try and claim the kitchen since you were absent.

But you weren’t going to be deterred. You were hungry.

It was his fault anyway, for training you so hard, so you took a breath and pushed your damp hair behind your shoulder before striding into the space.

At first, you made your best attempt at keeping your chin up, confident while also acting as if you magically couldn’t see Jungkook at all. It was how you usually approached each other. Unfortunately, you couldn’t stop yourself from noticing that whatever he was making wasn’t going well.

Halfway through throwing your own ingredients onto the counter, you stopped to cast a sceptical eye over the mess he was making. He was making an equally good show of not noticing your presence, and continued throwing in random sauces, not before eyeing them all fairly hesitantly first.

Biting your lip, you shrugged it off and turned your eyes back to your own dinner.

But you could no longer ignore it when he took a taste from his spoon and quite literally recoiled.

Loudly putting your knife down, you sighed in frustration.

“Do you want some help?”

Quickly straightening out his face from the way it had been screwed up from the taste, he blinked around at you. He really did look surprised at your presence.

You rolled your eyes, marching over to him and peering into his pan.

“What are you making?”

Folding his arms across his chest, you could hear the pout in his voice as he replied.

“Tteokbokki.”

You stared. At the food, which certainly did not resemble tteokbokki, and then at Jungkook.

“No you’re not.”

“I am! Jin always makes it like this!”

“Maybe when he’s making something for his science experiments,” you scoffed.

Defiant, Jungkook reached for his packet of soft rice cakes, totally ignoring you. You had to lunge across the counter to save them from a grizzly fate in that pan of definitely not tteokbokki.

Deep down, he clearly agreed with you, because he didn’t protest all that much as you forcibly removed the pan from the stove, depositing the whole mess in the bin.

“This is how you’ve been eating?”

Jungkook looked a little startled, his eyes wide for a moment before he managed to resurrect his scowl.

“We ran out of ramen,” he muttered.

You stared at him in disbelief. Had no one taught him to cook?

“What would Jin say?” you huffed, returning to the stove and elbowing him out the way.

Before long, you had your own meal cooking, now with some extra added. After a few moments, Jungkook had skulked away, watching you silently from the table. Once again, you pretended not to pay him any mind.

Two steaming bowls of (actually edible) food eventually made it to the table.

Sitting down opposite him, neither of you began for a moment. Each of you was waiting for the other to do something.

When at last you reached for your chopsticks, the sound was deafening against the strained silence between you.

Perhaps Jungkook was encouraged to see you didn’t drop dead after taking a bite, because he finally started to eat as well. Not that you let yourself look at him beyond the odd brief glance. You kept your attention firmly on the meal, which was actually quite tasty if you did say so yourself.

“Thanks.”

You nearly jumped out of your skin, eyes shooting up to stare at Jungkook. He stopped mid-bite, big eyes returning your bewildered gaze as if he had no idea who had spoken.

You blinked. Clearing your throat, you averted your gaze again, picking at your food.

“No problem.”

“It’s nearly as good as Jin’s,” he drawled next.

Disbelieving, you swallowed your next bite and raised your eyebrows.

“Are you seriously trying to come for me after I gave you food?”

“That’s a compliment!” he defended.

“Sure.”

“Fine,” he huffed, attacking his food a bit more aggressively.

Taking a breath, you chewed your lip. Jungkook took a bite with more force than strictly necessary, brows furrowed. Maybe he had really meant it in a nice way?

You had trouble believing that, somehow.

“It’s a hell of a lot better than yours would have been,” you grumbled, then paused. “but… I suppose Jin is a very good chef.”

For a moment, Jungkook didn’t reply. But he finished chewing and set his chopsticks down a bit more gently.

“Why would I have to practise cooking when he’s always here to do it?” he murmured.

Deciding for once to take the opportunity to ease the situation, you smiled.

“I don’t blame you.”

Both of you allowed a temporary ceasefire to settle as you cleared your plates. You didn’t miss Jungkook’s glance towards the little black receiver standing on the table.

With the frequency of operations at the moment, it was clear Namjoon classed the whole situation with Bolt as an emergency. Jungkook hadn’t been wrong – Jin was usually there, or one of the others, to cook. As much as it still surprised you that he was so clueless, you saw that prying was going to get you nowhere.

He wasn’t the only one that missed the others, though. Or hoped they were okay.

You leaned over and turned the receiver on.

Thank you for reading! I really mean it, it's wonderful now I'm finally sharing this story to hear what you guys think as we go through it!! I appreciate every last one of you who comments💜💜

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[youwouldntdownloadapizza]

The Gates of Jackson | Joel Miller x F!Reader | Chapter 8 - Locked Out

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You showed up at the gates of Jackson with hands covered in blood and no memory of how you got there. That was two years ago. Since then, you've become Maria's right-hand woman and the person in charge of Jackson's logistical backend. Patrol schedules, inventory—all your purview. When a patrol gone wrong forces you to get to know Joel, memories of your past begin resurfacing—along with their consequences.

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pairing: joel miller x f!reader

rating: 18+, minors DNI

word count: 1.5k

tags: no use of y/n, eventual smut, no beta we die like sarah, jackson era, other additional tags to be added, slow burn, ellie needs a hug, joel lives, good parent joel, reader-insert, reader insert, forced proximity, only one bed trope, nightmares, childbirth, hurt/comfort, emotional hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, soft joel, cuddling & snuggling, fluff, masturbation, pining, joel falls first, possibly demisexual reader (tbd), ptsd, ptsd flashbacks, panic attacks, amnesia, sexual braiding

Chapter 8 - Locked Out

Few things about post-outbreak life had come easy to Joel, but one thing he never struggled with was silence. He was a man of few words, he relished in solitude, and his years as a father made him excellent at moving quietly. While he’d developed that skill to avoid waking Sarah as an infant, it also proved useful for avoiding Infected. He never thought he’d get another chance to use his light tread for anything other than survival, but here he was. Carefully climbing the creaky wooden steps to his brother’s front door, stepping over the squeakiest one he’d been meaning to fix for ages now.

Knock! Knock!

Joel rapped softly on the warm oak door, just loud enough to announce his presence without risking a screaming baby.

Tommy answered a moment later.

“You look like shit,” Joel cracked an amused smile. Tommy had said something similar the first time he’d greeted Joel after Sarah was born.

“Gee, thanks,” Tommy rolled his eyes. He stepped backward, holding the door to usher Joel inside. He hung his filthy patrol jacket on a peg and turned to take it all in.

It was as if a tornado had swept through. Dirty dishes were scattered across every horizontal surface but the floor, and the burp cloth situation wasn’t much better. By the looks of it, Maria was currently making do with a bath mat.

A smile crept across his lips as the baby finally spit up and then descended into soft, easy snores. It was peaceful in the way only small children could be.

“Congratulations,” he said softly, patting his brother on the back far more gently than Tommy had when he’d been freshly uncled.

“Thanks, Joel,” Tommy smiled. There was exhaustion in his eyes, but also a familiar, joyful satisfaction Joel recognized. It was the look of a father.

“Fatherhood suits you, you know.”

“You think?” Tommy asked.

Joel nodded. “I know.”

Maria chimed in from across the room. “You wanna meet her?”

Joel beamed. “Can I?”

Maria nodded, and he crossed to where she stood beside the fireplace. She jutted her chin toward the couch, and he took a seat in his usual spot.

“She’s beautiful,” he whispered as Maria placed the sleeping babe in his outstretched arms.

It didn’t look right, all his wrinkles and scars and gray hair against such pure, unbridled innocence. He didn’t expect the tears that slipped down his cheeks as he beheld her.

Tommy came to stand behind him, watching with newfound respect for his brother as he met his niece for the first time.

“What’s her name?” Joel asked.

Tommy looked at Maria. She nodded, giving him silent permission to proceed.

“Margaret Sarah Miller. Maggie for short.”

Tommy wasn’t sure what he saw in Joel’s eyes as his head snapped to look at him. All he knew was there were tears and something undeniably raw in there. It moved him.

“Maggie, like our mom Maggie?” He asked.

Tommy nodded.

“Yeah,” he said. “And Sarah, like your daughter.”

Joel rolled his eyes through the tears. “Well, yeah, I got that part.”

Maria barked a laugh, and Tommy couldn’t help but follow suit. Joel of all people giggled, and then before they knew it little Maggie was opening her eyes. Her skin was dark like her mother’s, but her eyes—those were Miller eyes. It wasn’t the color that confirmed it, but the tenacity within them. The spark. The wildness that would forever refuse to be tamed.

“She’s gonna be trouble, this one,” Joel mused. “No doubt about it.”

Tommy chuckled. “Well, she’s got Ellie as a big cousin. I’d expect nothing less.”

Joel smiled wistfully. “I’ll have to get her over here tomorrow or the next day. We’ll help clean up so the two of you can get some rest. Would’ve been by sooner, but patrol ran long.”

“Speaking of which,” Maria chimed in, retrieving the baby from Joel to bounce on her hip. “Where’s Doe? I figured she’d be with you.”

Joel’s smile fell then. He still couldn’t make heads or tails of the way you’d stormed off earlier. He sure as shit didn’t know how to explain it to Tommy and Maria.

So he gave them a total non-answer.

“I’m not sure,” he shrugged. “Probably went to bed. It was a long patrol, I’m sure she’s tired.”

Maria cocked an eyebrow at the lame excuse. “Too tired to meet her niece?

* * *

Bang! Bang! Bang!

You awoke to the sound of thuds on your front door.

What now? You thought to yourself as you sat upright, rubbing the sleep from your eyes.

“Doe, open up. I know you’re in there,” a gruff male voice called out to you.

Joel. What the fuck does he want?

You rose from your nest of blankets on the futon and padded towards the door in your slippers, stepping over the piles of dirty laundry that littered your floor.

It got like this, sometimes. You tried to keep things under control, but life had a way of thwarting that endeavor at every available opportunity. You shoved the clutter out of view as best you could and opened the door a crack.

“What?” You eyed him through the opening.

He was dressed casually, a light brown t-shirt giving way to denim down below. He was sweaty, and his hair was mussed. And the look he was giving you, when paired with crossed arms, was downright murderous.

“Office doesn’t open ‘till eight.”

“It’s ten-thirty,” he said, his voice rife with exasperation.

Shit, you winced. I can’t believe I overslept by that much.

You sighed, then opened the door a bit more. Your outfit was messy, but nothing out of the ordinary for pajamas.

“How can I help you, Joel?”

“Wanna tell me why Tommy says you still haven’t been by to see Maria? You’ve been back three days, Doe. She had the baby damn near a week ago. What gives?”

You didn’t know what to say. You’d never been one for excuses, but they were particularly elusive now. You broke eye contact, instead opting to try your hand at staring a hole through the corrugated metal outside your door. It didn’t work. 

Joel reached forward and grabbed the door handle, yanking it open to expose you to the fresh morning air and bright sunlight that hurt your unprepared eyes. You stepped forward quickly, shutting the door behind you before Joel could get a good look at the depression pit formerly known as your office.

“I’m not leaving until you give me an answer,” Joel drawled.

You leaned back against the door and looked up at him with a frown. “You weren’t this mean back at the fire tower.”

“That was different. You needed coddlin’.”

“Who’s to say I don’t need coddling now? You don’t know me. You don’t know my life.”

“That’s the problem.” Joel dropped his hands to his sides. “I don’t know. Because you won’t tell me.”

“You assume there’s something to tell. There’s not.”

“What, cause you got amnesia or somethin’? I saw how you signed your name in the logbook. Either you’ve got real shit taste in aliases or there’s something more going on here.”

You pressed your lips into a thin line. “That’s private.”

“Clearly,” he spat. “Just tell me, are you planning on ignoring her forever, or are you gonna get your ass over there and go meet your niece?”

“That’s not my niece.”

“Maria begs to differ.”

Your eyebrows shot upward, and Joel seized the opportunity to continue.

“You’re her best friend. Her right-hand woman around here. She thinks of you as a sister, Doe.”

Something seized in your gut. “I don’t have a sister. Not anymore.”

You reached for the door handle and pulled, but–

“Fuck.”

It wouldn’t budge. Your heart rate picked up. You resisted the urge to vomit.

You pushed past Joel and scanned the flat expanse between the base of the building and the large wooden gates that enclosed the community you’d dedicated yourself to protecting. It was busy this time of day, but there was one person in particular you were looking for. You spotted her by the stables.

“Casey! Hey!” You waved your arms over your head to catch her attention.

“Doe? What’s wrong?”

You jutted a thumb over your shoulder. “Got locked out again.”

She sighed. “That’s the third time this month, dude. You gotta get a doorstop or something.”

“I know. Sorry,” you called down as she stopped beneath the wraparound balcony that surrounded your small office perch.

She tossed the spare up, but before you could catch it, a hand reached out and snatched it from the air.

“Thanks!” Joel called down to Casey. “I’ll help her get inside.”

“I could’ve caught that, you know.” You scowled, striding back towards the door.

Joel walked right past it and set off down the stairs that led to ground level.

“The fuck—Joel, where are you going?”

“To Tommy and Maria’s. And if you want to get back into that office of yours, you’re coming with me.”

You took a shaky breath. This was so not what you needed right now. You peered through the door's small wire-infused utility window and gazed longingly at your office. Or was it your apartment? You guessed it was technically both, since you slept on the futon. You locked eyes with the crusty rat plushie perched tall atop your mountain of cozy blankets, and whispered a solemn vow.

“I’ll be back for you soon, Ratty. I promise.”

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[astarionancuntnin]

Die For You (Chapter 8)

summary: as the vampire ascendant's bride, you get powers only spawns could ever dream of. only one thing stands in the way of your happily ever after, and the time has come for you to get rid of him, no matter the consequences.

rating: E

word count: 5k

pairing: astarion x you (fem!reader, reader is tav)

cw: 18+. you know the drill: smut, angst, blood/vampire bites, hints of praise, fingering (f! receiving), p in v, possessive behaviour, but also! telepathic discussions, katoptronophilia (mirror stuff), blood play, graphic depiction of violence. full list on ao3

a/n: SURPRISE i had a sudden urge of inspo and there's now one more chapter before the epilogue. im sorry in advance for whats about to happen, but also an immense thank you to my loyal readers, yall are the realest

This fic update every Friday! (2 more updates remaining)

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You know I like you

And anyone who gets in my way, darling

Might get a handful of some shit

Or stay heavy-hearted

Because it's cut-throat

To anyone who comes close

Be mine

And everything will be fine

-

His… bride?

Your knowledge on vampirism was limited, given it was based on what Astarion had previously shared from his own experience, and rumours you had heard through the grapevines. Nothing ever mentioned brides, and unless you had lost a great deal of your memory, you don’t recall marrying Astarion, either, but if your reasoning was sound, being his bride would mean you were somewhat his equal.

“Does that make me… a real vampire?” 

“You are even greater, as you are my creation.” He purrs, as his hand around your neck pulls you back further, exposing your neck to him, while his other hand wanders over your chest. “I’ve extended most of my blessings upon you, which is why you need not fear the sun, or any typical weakness that plagues our kind.” His eyes flicker back to your reflections in the mirror as he massages your breasts, all the while his tongue travels from your shoulder to your neck. “You are the only of your kind. With your strength and my influence combined, we are the most powerful couple in Baldur’s Gate. The most powerful beings in all the realms.” 

His hand at your front travels down between your thighs to find the pool of warmth he had previously abandoned so carelessly, to dip one, then two fingers between your slick folds. The hand around your neck lessens – not that it played any part anymore, as your head was naturally falling backwards in reaction to his touch – to cradle your chin, with his thumb slipping inside your open mouth, as your breath picks back up the hectic rhythm it had when he was between your legs. 

The taste of his crimson instantly invades your mouth, and you close your lips around his thumb, sucking fervently to get more of his liquid gold into you. You didn't experience hunger normally anymore – even earlier, the tiefling you drained was purely out of a power rush rather than actual hunger – but you think you would go insane if you never had the chance to drink from him. As you drink more, you feel yourself getting dizzy, almost drunk on his blood, the temptation to bite down getting harder to ignore. 

“Uh uh, pet. You’ll bite on this one,” as he feels your fangs nibbling over his thumb, he removes himself from your mouth to bring his other hand back up, this one drenched in your nectar. “Drink, my consort. Taste how good we are, together.”

You hum at your sweetness, and following his command you bite down, mixing your juices with the richness of his blood. The more you drink, the more you feel connected to him, as if your bodies and minds fused as one. You are like a putty in his hands: not a drop of fighting left in you, willing to follow his every command. 

While your mind wanders at the cocktail of flavours in your mouth, his other hand grabs a hold of your hips, as he guides the head of his cock against your entrance before plunging into you with one, deep thrust. Your mouth drops open as his dick fills every inch of your canal, making you whole with its presence. Before you can fall forward, Astarion's hand finds its way back around your neck, keeping you up and facing the mirror. His hand on your hips trails along your belly, and reaches the other side of your waist, keeping you still, with himself buried deep within you. He pulls  your head forward, making you witness the mess he made of you.

“Focus, darling. I want your eyes on this mirror at all times.” His voice is deep with lust, almost primal as he growls. “You’re going to watch yourself come on my cock.”

His hips slap against your ass with each thrust he makes, and the pain from each one is nothing short of delicious. Between gasps, you cross his gaze in the reflection, his eyes darkened with want, with need, as he admires the sight of you, his vampiric bride, covered in his blood, impaled on his cock. There is a bloody mess that trails from your mouth, to your neck, down your chest, and finally around your waist; he made sure to spread himself all over you, marking you.

Your moans fill the room, along with the wet sounds from your fucking and his growls, which only get louder. You bite your lip in an attempt to muffle your screams, only for your mouth to fly open again, crying out, as you draw out your own blood from nicking yourself with your new set of fangs. It was going to take some time to get used to them, but it only made Astarion enjoy the sight even more.

“Just like that, pet. Don’t hold back now, I want everyone to know how good I fucked you.” Just as those words leave his mouth, you spy a wicked grin on his lips before his fangs dive right into the flesh of your shoulder. As he drinks you in – for the first time as his bride – he takes on a punishing pace, his cock ramming into you, hitting that sweet spot that made you see stars. His name slips from your mouth without thinking about it, each time louder than the last. He leaves the fresh bite wounds – another symbol of his ownership over you – his mouth fully covered in your blood, to look back at your reflection, as his hand leaves your waist to massage your clit, pushing you to your limit. “Go on, scream my name to the heavens, tell them who you belong to, mind, body, and soul.”

A few more rough thrusts hitting against your cervix along with the stimulation over your sensitive bud is all it takes for you to come, your walls tightening around his cock, and your voice screams his name out like he was the god you worshipped. Before you can come down from your high, he grabs a hold of the back of your head, pulling you back to angle your neck with his mouth before speaking up with a low growl.

“Come on, love, I know you can give me another one.”

He keeps fucking your through your climax, keeping up the stimulation over your clit as he bites down on your exposed neck. The overstimulation pushing your body to its limit makes you go deaf for a moment, as your body explodes yet another time, and he continues pushing you further until he feels you grow heavier as your body goes limp from exhaustion. Only then does he remove himself and let you land on the bed carefully. In your daze, you hardly notice him moving around, until he picks you up, very gently, to slip you under the covers where he rests with you. You think you can hear him say something along the lines of “Rest, little love”, but in the bliss of your aftermath, his words sound distant, almost like an afterthought. Too tired to even move anymore, you lay against his chest, with his arm surrounding you protectively, while the other caresses your hair. Just when you think you’re drifting to sleep, the fog obscuring your mind, he speaks up.

“I don't want you to think for a single moment that you're not deserving of the entire world and more, and I’ll make sure you get everything you deserve.” His tone is drastically different from how it was only minutes ago, suddenly warm and soft, like a gentle balm over your wounds. He sounds so distant in your mind, yet you’ve never felt so close. “I will be here when you wake up tomorrow.” He rests his lips over the top of your head, leaving the ghost of a kiss as he pauses, before he continues. “I will always be here, my love.”

After today’s rollercoaster of emotions, these last spoken words have you tearing up. This is what you wanted: comfort, acceptance, support; unconditional love. If you had the energy to answer, you think you would have said those three little words you hadn't dared to speak aloud yet, but in the state you were in, you only manage to sigh as a few tears roll down your cheek, before your world finally fades to black.

–

When you open your eyes the next morning, you’re greeted by Astarion’s arms wrapped tightly around you; his weight, his warmth, surrounding you – protecting you. You’re certain he’s gotten closer than how you recall falling asleep last night. You were now entirely cocooned between his arms, with his head resting atop of yours. It felt… nice. It’s only when you nuzzle against his chest, seeking more proximity and wanting to hear the appeasing sound of his heartbeat, that you feel him move, holding even tighter to you, as his hands lazily trails over your back. His grip on you is so strong, you don’t think you could free yourself – not that you wanted to. You would happily spend hours in his arms like this, enjoying the safety of his embrace.

Knowing his reveries were already on the short end compared to the ten hours you allowed yourself to sleep – on a good night, that is – and considering how last night had completely drained you of any energy you might’ve had prior, you were convinced he must’ve been awake for a few hours already, just waiting on you to wake up and enjoying your sleepy presence in the meantime. You smile at the thought of him allowing himself to be vulnerable behind closed doors, and you were the only soul lucky enough to witness it. You think it’s adorable how clingy he is of you now, as he cradles you in your sleep, and you hum happily in his embrace.

A faint thought passes by, and sleepily, you raise your head up, your chin resting against his chest.

“Are you scared that I might just up and vanish?” You try to crack a joke, your voice is still heavy with sleep.

He pushes back slightly to look back at you with a faint smile when he sees you’re finally awake.

“It’s hard not to when you made sure to remind me countless times how our time together would be short-lived.” His hand leaves your back to caress your cheek lovingly. “I’m only trying to make the best of it.”

Your brows furrow slightly until you remember your words from the previous days. You hadn’t told him about your encounter at the inn. “About that… I might stay longer than I previously envisioned.”

“Oh? Changed your mind about the cleric after all?”

“I actually ran into Shadowheart yesterday,” you confess.

“Have you? I’m sure that she must’ve been thrilled by your new look.”

You sigh at his sarcastic tone, “So much so that she turned her heels and bid me farewell without looking back.” You tilt your head forward, now resting your forehead against his chest. “It got me thinking… this whole thing might’ve been a mistake. I don’t think I was completely in my right mind when I made that decision.”

He tilts your chin up to look back at him, “It serves no purpose to linger on what could’ve been, darling. What’s done is done, now it’s up to you to do your best with the hand you were dealt.” His face lost its smile, but his eyes were shining with thoughtfulness. “I know you will have no issue doing so.”

He’s right, and it’s not like you could go back now. If you had to live the rest of your eternal life like this, you would try to make it as good as possible. You will spend the rest of your life begging forgiveness for that tiefling’s life you took; he couldn’t be older than twenty-five, he was probably really only looking to have a good time and you took his life for it. You try not to linger too long on the thought, ashamed of your actions, but you promise yourself that you will never take an innocent soul ever again. Good thing for you that Sir Virric Othros and his friends were far from it. Speaking of –

“The invitations. We need to send them out–”

As you try to lift yourself up, Astarion grabs your arm, stopping you. “That was taken care of.”

“What? When?”

“Yesterday evening. Remember? When you decided to go out for a little drink?”

You crash back on the bed, groaning. “Gods, I really let it get to my head. I’m sorry.”

He chuckles, “It’s all forgiven, my sweet. All things considered, I find it funny, really.”

You raise your brow, “Funny? Seriously? With the reaction you had yesterday I would’ve said anything but.”

He sighs, “My reaction was… extreme, I’ll admit. But when I noticed the blood on your hands, all my worries disappeared. I would even dare to say that I was proud of you. Now I know for certain that no one will get their hands on you, my little threat,” he says the pet name with a pause between each word, shaking your chin between his fingers.

“Won’t happen again, swear I’ll be on my best behaviour,” you answer, pushing his hand away like a teen getting scowled, but you still smile shyly at the new name.

“Oh no, on the contrary, I do hope you kill again, but let’s focus our energy on people who actually matter this time, hm?” He cocks his head to the side, with the hint of a smile, and your smile can’t help but widen.

You spend some more time in bed talking about the plan in detail – you think it was the skin to skin contact, but you were more comfortable talking about murder plans in bed with your lover rather than in his large office – you needed to make sure that the soiree would go down without a hitch. The next few days were spent planning that night. Astarion shared with you all the information he had on the guests he planned on inviting – after all, you couldn’t just invite the man you intended on killing – you had to make it seem like this was a real event that Astarion wanted to host, and plus, he could always use the extra influence he could gain as a bonus for the trouble.

The spawns are made aware of the target of the night and their goal is to assure that no other guests get in the way of your plan. A group is assigned to assure the service for the night, and the rest of them are to remain in the shadows and act as security.

No dress needed to be made for you, but your dearest Lord being the man he is, still insisted on having a few more made for you. It was only fair after ripping open one of them last night, and any additional one was just “a gift for my beloved consort and for the tremendous progress she has made”, really, any reason was good enough for him to shower you with gifts. You welcomed it happily by now, now that you knew he meant well. 

The plan was simple: Astarion stays in the ballroom with the guest to assure his presence, and you lurk in the shadows until you can isolate Virric and take him out, away from the crowd. As prepared as you think you are, anxiety still fills your chest when the night of the soiree finally comes. However it would go tonight, you would finally take down the man who assaulted you, alongside any plan he had against Astarion, and you would make sure he would regret ever approaching you. 

The night is lively, as you watch the many guests arrive and take place around the room. Most of them are harmless, from what you recall of Astarion’s reports over the course of the previous six months: merchants, Dukes, and Lords, all serving different purposes, but none posing a direct threat, for now anyway. Some other night, you might mingle, attached to Astarion’s arm and swaying people your way, but tonight, your role has to be assured in the shadows. You stay in a corner of the ballroom, hidden behind a large pillar away from anyone’s sight. You close your eyes to concentrate on your link with Astarion, looking for an opening into his mind, when you feel the comforting embrace of his own mind.

“Well well, hello there, my sweet. Miss me already?”

You open your eyes back up, answering via your connection, “It’ll take me a while to get used to this.”

“We do have the rest of our lives to experiment with it.”

You swear you could hear his smile in your mind, and you smile to yourself in return,

“I’ve told our guests that you were bedridden and wouldn’t be joining us tonight,” he continues. “They send their best regards.”

“How kind of them. Tell them I said thanks.”

You hear the echo of his inner laughter, “I’ll make sure to pass the word, dear.”

As the evening passes on, the ball room fills with countless guests, making it harder to find a specific someone, but with your new abilities, your vision is the sharpest it’s ever been, allowing you to do just that.

“He’s here," you say.

“Has he seen you?”

“No, I’m still hidden.”

“Good. I’m still welcoming guests, it shouldn’t be too long before I’m free now.”

“And you’ll stay there, just like we planned.” There’s no response from Astarion but you can imagine him frowning; it’s not because you agreed to it that he has to be happy about it. “He’s moving away from the room,” you continue.

“Remember to stay hidden.”

“Yes, my Lord,” you hope he picks up on your tone that borders on condescendance. “Wait… he’s going up.” You pause as you think about your next move. “Stay with the guests, this might go better than I anticipated after all.”

“Be careful.”

“I am–”

“I mean it. Keep in contact at all times.”

You pause, acknowledging his worry. “I will. I promise.”You sever the connection, stopping him from talking in your mind any further. You didn’t lie, you were going to keep in contact, but after Virric was taken care of. For this plan to work, Astarion couldn’t interfere, and this was only happening because of your actions. You had to take accountability for them. 

You follow him upstairs – keeping your distance – where you find him lingering in the hallways; he seems to be searching for something, or someone. You let him advance further into the palace, just to let him believe that he’s as furtive as he thinks he is, all the while making sure he was far enough from the ballroom so that his screams wouldn’t be heard when you would have the satisfaction to kill him.

Finally, when you see him at the door of your room, you speak up from the shadows.

“Looking for something?”

He steps back from the door, but doesn’t seem to recognize your voice, “My apologies, I was simply worried about the Lady of the house–”

“She’s bed ridden,” you cut him off, stepping out of the dark.

When he finally sees you in the dim lighting, his facade drops immediately. His fake smile is replaced by a malicious smirk along with furrowed brows.

“So I’ve heard.”

“What were you looking to find here?” Your tone is grounded, much different than that time in the gardens. This time, you know what you’re up against, and you’re ready.

“I simply wanted to make amends, nothing more, I swear.”

His words send a shiver down your spine, threatening to send you back into that night in the garden, but you don’t let it break your composure.

“I’m sure this is something you could’ve brought up with Lord Ancunín, instead of sneaking around in his palace, into his private rooms.”

He laughs, but there’s nothing warm in his voice. It’s vile, malevolent, and it brings out the worst in you. 

“I’m afraid not. You see, this was a rather personal affair. I couldn’t let him get in the way.”

“Let’s settle it then,” you move forward carefully, drawing out a blade from under your clothing. Finally, back in your element, and stronger than ever.

“You know, I’ve done some research on you following our little encounter. Given, you were presented as Lady Ancunín, I searched with that given name and nothing came up, which leads me to doubt you have officially taken on the name yet.”

“I don’t see how that’s of any importance,” as you approach him, he finally moves on his own, making you two turn in a circle as you keep the discussion going.

“After some digging, I finally found your real name, and – you won’t believe it – but I knew I recognized you from somewhere.”

You scoff, “Awfully sorry to break it to you, but I’ve never seen you in my life. You've got the wrong gal.”

“Of course, I can’t expect you to recognize me, as we never had the chance to be appropriately introduced.” His smirk doesn’t leave his lips as he draws out his knife from its sheath, the same one he used on you at the ball. You would recognize its intricate form anywhere; the handle was a poignant shade of red, so much so you believe it almost shone in the dark. “No, just when we were supposed to meet, you ran away.”

As those words leave his mouth, you notice the family crest on his blade, one that jumpstarts your memory, and your eyes widen in horror as you silently gasp.

Fuck. That’s the man your parents had betrothed you to five years ago. That’s the life you ran away from all those years ago, the man you refused. After everything that’s happened, it feels like centuries ago.

“Cat got your tongue?” He teases as you stay silent.

You try to conceal your shock with some false confidence, exaggerating your tone. “I simply can’t believe my gut feeling was right to run away that dreaded night. Looks like without even meeting you, I knew you would turn out to be a disgusting piece of shit.”

“Oh, such harsh words in the fine mouth of a Lady. We’ll have to work on that.” 

The implications of his words make your skin crawl. “Enough. Tell me exactly why you’re here.”

“Why, isn’t obvious by now? I’m bringing you home, Princess.”

You lift your blade as a warning. “Over my cold, dead body,” the words leave your mouth before you can even process them, but the irony doesn't escape you.

“I would rather not. You’re way more valuable to me alive than dead.” He flips the blade around, almost taunting you with his moves. “But I can afford a few cuts and bruises.”

You’ve heard enough.

With a growl, you finally close the distance between you two, swinging for his head. A bold move, but you take the risk. He dives, making you miss your first blow, but you’re fast to come back around, protecting yourself. Your short sword provided you with the length necessary to provide blow from far enough to be safe from his knife, but you would still need to be careful – you didn’t know what else he could have up his sleeve.

“Little kitty has nails, I see. Your parents did warn me that you were a lot to handle.”

He’s trying to get under your skin and he’s not even trying to hide it. This man is a fucking joke.

You swing again, this time aiming for his side, but he parries your hit. You force against it, until he spins the blade around, pushing you backwards with the move.

He continues, “They didn’t mention you had training in the sword arts, I imagine you would’ve cost more otherwise. Not that you’re any good, but they would’ve had to pay the teachers, whether or not you passed their class.”

“I didn’t need training,” you growl with a ragged breath, before launching another set of attacks, rapid hits from the left and right, only to thrust forward at the last minute, managing to slash the side of his chest.

He steps back, panting, “As the titled Saviour of Baldur’s Gate, I would’ve expected better.”

“I didn’t come here to fight with words, Virric,” you spit the name like venom, “you either start swinging, or I’ll believe that you’re all bark and no bite.”

He laughs, “I love your fire, Princess. I’ll have fun taming it.”

Fucking asshole.

You swing with all the force you have and he barely manages to stop the sword from hitting him. As you push against him to get the blade to his throat, you miss him reaching for another knife that he uses to stab at your waist before ripping it out instantly. 

You push yourself backwards, your free hand flying to your wound as you swear at the searing pain the blade left in your guts. You make space between Virric and you as you inspect your wound; it wasn't enough to kill you, and with another portion of blood you would heal fairly quickly, but for now, it wounded you badly enough to start bleeding profusely over your hand and tainting your dress. When you make eye contact again, he’s standing again, his dishevelled hair falling like curtains over his eyes. He smiles wickedly, almost laughing, as if he had already won the fight.

“Is it that easy to tame your inner fire?”

“Ugh, fuck you, Virric.”

“Oh, we’ll get there,” his chuckle has your stomach turning upside down.

As you straighten back up, two additional figures emerge from the shadows behind you, daggers in hand. Sensing them, you turn around to recognize the men you caught bad mouthing you and Astarion at the ball.

“I believe you’ve met my associates, Emreth and Alstaer Reyrie.”

Brothers, huh. I hope their death puts an end to their bloodline.

“Three against one, really? You think so lowly of yourself that you wouldn’t be able to take on me on your own?” In another life, you might’ve been a bard with the amount of vicious mockery you had out of pocket.

“Oh, I know I can easily bring you on your knees.” The brothers scoff when Virric speaks up. “No, these gentlemen are here for payback. They really didn’t appreciate your words at the ball, and I promised them they would have their chance with you.”

With your heightened senses, you’re able to pinpoint if they were to move a single hair, and you were extremely glad for it in this situation, as they circled you, like a pack of predators waiting to jump on their prey. Little did they know they were the prey in this scenario. There was no way in the Hells that either of them were going to land a single hand on you.

As you lift your blade in a defensive stance, you feel yourself wobble and your head heavier.

Huh?

All of a sudden, your vision blurs and you struggle to stay up, gathering all your force to keep your feet on the ground and your blade steady, attempting your best to hide your struggle. When Virric laughs, crossing his arms in his back, you quickly understand that the dagger in your gut was no ordinary blade. You don’t know what kind of poison he dipped it in, but you weren’t going to be conscious long enough to either figure it out, or to kill Virric yourself – unless you acted fast. When one of the brothers steps forwards carelessly, thinking you were already weak enough, you swing your blade in front of you, taking them by surprise as you slash his throat successfully. His blood splatter awakens something animalistic in you, and you grow to forget the blade in your possession.

In a fit of fury, the brother left alive rushes towards you, but you manage to evade his attack by a hair when you side step as he lunges forward. Baring your fangs as you let your new nature guide your next actions, you slash his face down with your sharp nails, creating new scars along his profile. He screams in pain as his hands fly to his face, rushing away from you to crash against the wall. One look at you in this state is all he needs to gape at the monstrosity before him.

“What in the nine Hells are you?!”

You already took one out, you just need to take care of the other two, this should be easy enough – if you weren’t incapacitated. As the poison settles in, you realise your consciousness is fading, slowly but surely. You try to stand defensively again, only to almost trip, managing to keep yourself up using your blade as support. You quickly come to the realisation that you’re past the point of fighting; you have no choice but to call for backup now. 

Closing your eyes, you focus on your connection to Astarion.

“Astarion…”

No answer. 

Shit, come on.

“Astarion!... Please… I need you…”

Silence. 

You fall on your hands and knees, as your blade wobbles out of your grasp, and you try to reach out for it when you sense Virric walking around you, only for him to kick your blade away from you. It takes every ounce of resolve left in you to keep fighting your body to stay awake. You had to try, even if it was a lost cause. You try to connect to Astarion once more, trying your best to give  him an idea of what had happened to you.

“Astarion… Virric… Poison…  Help…”

You close your eyes, finally drifting to sleep, feeling a pair of unwanted hands already handling your unconscious body.

-

This might get a little messy, I'm sure

Heads rolling for the one I adore

This may become a little brutal if I'm honest

But it's anything for you my dear, I promise

Thank you for reading! Comments, reblogs, and likes are very much appreciated <3

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[codfanficedits]

Before the mask - part sifteen.

Pairing: Simon Riley x Fem!Reader

Summary: Because Simon wasn’t born as Ghost.

Wordcount: 4292| Rating: E! (18+ only!)

Warnings: unprotected sex! Praise, riding, facesitting, communication.

A/N: I'm in a bit of a writers slump, but I'll try to update sooner!

“No!”

“What do you mean, ‘no’?!”

Simon doesn’t know how to explain that he is telling you no, he doesn’t know how he is supposed to tell you that your last mission scared him to the point that he never, ever wants it to experience again. How is he supposed to tell you that he thinks that being a soldier seems to be too dangerous?

He can’t tell you that, you’ll think he is an idiot, a controlling asshole trying to decide what you can and cannot do.

So he grits his teeth, clenching his fists, as he tries to calm down. He needs to make sure that his fear doesn’t tip over in anger, but that is so damn difficult when he doesn’t get the chance to think.

“Lovie.” He managed to bring out the endearing word through gritted teeth. “Give me a second, yeah?”

And just like that, the tension in your shoulders seem to dissolve. Sure, you’re still pissed off at his words, at how he thinks he can boss you around, but at least he is trying, and that is a lot more than some other men can say.

“Fine.” With a grumble, you sit down on the couch, arms crossed in front of your chest. Just because you appreciate his efforts, doesn’t mean that you’re not annoyed at him. “Ready when you are.”

His fear doesn’t fade, not right away anyway, he stares at the back of your head, trying to make up if you’re pissed at him, or not.

He sighs, once, twice, maybe even for the third time, and a little dramatic too. Finally he bites the bullet. You do deserve a partner he can communicate, and the heavens know that Simon is trying.

He sits down next to you, seeing how you try to keep your frown at him, but he notices the little tugs on the corner of your lips too.

“I’m trying.” Simon starts. “Really am, but this is difficult for me, okay? So, if I need to take a break, give me one.”

That is fair, and honestly, if you weren’t so annoyed with him, you would have applauded it, so instead you just nod at him.

“Okay. So.” How do you start this again? “I.. I am worried, okay?”

Simon wants to reach out to you, but he is a little hesitant to do so, worried that you will reject him, and that is a blow he doesn’t think he could handle right now. “When communication was lost with your squad, it made a fear erupt in me, that I have never felt before, and the idea of feeling it again..”

Damn.

That is, hands down, the best communication you’ve ever had with him, he communicates his feelings, his needs, his fears, what more could you ask for? Sure, you don’t like it when he tries to control things, but now you know where he is coming from.

And Simon is just proud, proud that he was able to say this while his throat felt as if it was closing up. He is proud that he managed to speak about his fears, without lashing out, without shutting you out.

“What would help?”

Your question startled him a little. “What?”

“What would help you feel less anxious?”

Well, he would be damned. Was this how it was supposed to feel whenever someone met your needs? When someone really tried to understand you? Shit, that felt amazing.

“I.. I am going to be on that mission too, and I want you to stay close to me, so I can keep my eye on you.”

That would be a good solution, he could keep an eye on you, maybe you could even learn a thing or two from him, and that would be it.

“Okay. Yes. That would work.”

Simon lets out a sigh of relief, for a second he was worried you’d try to argue with him, but the fact that you didn’t, that you even tried to think in solutions with him, that was nothing short of being amazing, and he had to thank the heavens, on his knees for you.

“But,” and he hates what he has to say next. “we really should keep us a secret a little longer. I don’t want other to think I’m giving you a special treatment.”

“But you are giving me a special treatment!” Not that you disagreed with keeping your relationship on the low, you just weren’t going to be a man’s peace.

“I know.” Simon groaned out his answer. “But that is beside the point!”

He can read your body language, he knows that you’re no longer annoyed with him, so he is getting a little braver. He pulls you close to him, pressing a kiss on your hair. “You’re a pain in my ass sometimes.”

“So are you.” You counter with a laugh, as you rest your head on his shoulder. “But you’re right, we should just.. keep us on the low, to keep them from being suspicious.”

Funny, how Simon could recall you saying those words, but here you were, nudging him with your right knee. He had been surprised when he had noticed that you sat down next to him in the meeting, tucked away in the back.  

Keeping their relationship under wraps makes it particularly challenging for him to hide his feelings. However, you find a thrill in the subtle signals Simon shoots your direction. Eventually, he reaches his limit. With a firm grip on your knee beneath the table, he leans in and murmurs, "Stop it."

Well, it wasn't your fault, was it? You were just really, really in love with him, and the fact that you two were a couple, but no one knew? That just made you feel all giddy on the inside.

You lean towards him, an innocent smile on your face.  "I'm sorry." You whispered.

"Cut it out." Simon whispered back, trying to keep himself under control despite the fire building inside him. He could feel the tension in the air as his grip on your knee tightened, his thumb brushing against your skin.

It took every ounce of self-control to keep himself from reaching under the table and pulling you onto his lap so he could whisper all the sweet nothings he wanted to say to you.

Your knee finally stops nudging against his, but you can't stop stealing little glances at him. Your fingertips trail over the back of his hand, and it is getting hard to focus on the briefing. Your mind wanders to every sweet interaction you’ve have had and your heart runs over with love.

Simon is acutely aware of your gaze as you continued to steal glances at him during the briefing. It's not a secret that you love him and he feels a shiver run up his spine as your fingertips trail down his arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps in your wake.

While he wants nothing more than to wrap his arms around you, this isn't the place for it. So he leans forward once again, whispering, "If you don't focus, I will drag you to an empty room and you will never forget me."

You have to suppress a giggle at his words. It felt so, so, so good to be in love, especially with someone as wonderful as him.

"We don't want that now, would we?" You teased him, but you decided to behave a little bit. Not wanting to get the both of you in trouble, after all, you had promised to keep this a secret

Simon's lips twitch into a suppressed smile, as he can't help but be affected by your sassiness. Instead of responding with more words, he leans down and captures your lips in a brief, yet deep kiss.

He leans back just before your colleagues noticed the kiss. "No, we don't want that now" Simon whispered with a smirk, "I have plans for you later."

You are stunned when he kissed you and the first thing you do is to look around, to see if anyone noticed, but all their eyes are on the captain. Your fingers go to your lips and your fingertips try to mimic the sensation.

"Stop that!" You whispered while your cheeks got a rosy hue.

Simon can't help but chuckle at your flushed cheeks. You look just as adorable as the first time he saw you, your lips the same rosebud pink—just as kissable. But he needs to control himself. He can't keep kissing you here.

"No, I think I'll keep doing this," Simon replies in a hushed whisper, "it gets even better when I kiss other places. Like your neck and..." His fingers brush across your neck in the spot that he had in mind.

He knows what he is doing, the cheeky fucker.

You can't suppress the smile on your face, no matter how hard you tried.

"You're a horrible tease" It is hard to stay focussed, it is hard to keep quiet. But you had promised to keep your relation on the low, but fuck, does he make it difficult.

"Am not..." Simon teases you, his voice low and sensually as he whispers, "But I can show you how much of a tease I can be. I bet it will be a better feeling than the kisses I just gave you."

Simon continues to brush his fingers across your neck, his nails grazing the skin gently enough to make chills run down your skin. He's enjoying your flushed face, he likes that he has this type of control over you. He likes that he can punish you for your teasing.

His touch leave a wake of goosebumps on your skin, the touch is addicting.

"Stop it." You muttered through gritted teeth. "You're going to get us caught!"

Your hand goes to reach for his, trying to pry it off your skin

“I'm trying to give you a little preview of what I'm going to do to you later." Simon continues to tease you, as he lets his nails trail down the back of your neck in slow, sensual strokes.

"I'll be sure to go over every inch of you later tonight. Your neck..." Simon whispers, his lips close to your skin.

He can't stop himself from enjoying your reaction, from how his words are making you squirm in your seat.

You knows you should stop him, you know that you should tell him to continue later, you know that what you’re doing is a danger to your job, but his teasing words, his teasing touch. They cloud your judgement as the hormones take over.

"Where else?" You murmured softly, making sure your teammates wouldn't hear the two of you.

"Tell me where you want to kiss me."

Simon can't help but grin, amused by the fact that he can make you feel this way. He enjoys seeing you so flushed, your cheeks bright pink, your lips begging for a kiss. He wants to give you everything you want.

"Oh, I have plenty of places to kiss you," Simon replies softly. He places his free hand on your thigh and moves it up the side of your leg, letting his fingers trail down your skin.

Your heart is pounding in your chest and all you can hear is your own heartbeat in your ears. You take a shaky, deep breath, trying to calm yourself down. You don’t want to attract the attention of your teammates, but his touch makes you feel as if you are on fire.

Simon relishes the fact that you are panting and visibly shaking from his touch. He's doing exactly what he wanted—drive you crazy and make you want him. His hand continues to stroke your thigh, his fingers caressing the fabric all the way up towards your hip. He leans down, closer to your ear, and whispers, "If you don't stop being all fidgety right now, I'll bring you to an empty room and make sure you'll never be the same again."

He enjoys toying with you, you just know it. God, you hated that the fabric of your pants keep him from actually touching you.

There is only so much you can take, and it is become more and more difficult to stay and to keep quiet.

A sign escapes you, when the meeting is wrapped up, just in time.

Simon sits back in seat, as he watches the meeting reach its conclusion. His body trembles with the pent up frustrations he has from not being able to freely touch his girl. His knee bouncing, his fists clenching and unclenching.

Simon knows that if the meeting were to carry on for even a moment longer, he would drag you to an empty room. He wants to make you feel the way you make him feel, driving him crazy with desire.

You don't want to raise any suspicion, but fuck he is making it hard. You clear your throat, and you finally get up from your seat. Your fingertips brushing against his shoulders as you walk past him.

Simon watches you walk past him, amused by the way she sways your hips in your tight uniform. The way you moves your body, confidently yet sensually, drives him crazy. He also can't deny the feeling of jealousy that sweeps over him, knowing that other men are surely noticing your beauty.

As he watches you walk off, he thinks of the moment he can finally get you to himself. The things he will do to you, the places he will touch you. He can already feel the heat building inside him.

You wanted it to become a little routine. You would get up first, touch him, just enough to light that fire inside of him.

You would disappear into your room, leave the door unlocked and he would follow you, sometimes after a minute, sometimes after ten minutes. You couldn't wait any longer, so when he opened the door to your room, he was greeted with the sight of his naked girl, waiting for him on the bed.

The moment Simon opens the door to your room and sees your waiting for him on the bed, his breath caught in his throat.

You look like a goddess, more beautiful than he had ever seen you—naked and waiting for his touch. Your skin glistens in the light, your hair draped over her neck and shoulders. And you wait for him, your eyes filled with anticipation.

Simon cannot resist you, every time he sees you like this, he's pulled to you, his every desire focused on you.

With every step he takes, he loses a piece of clothing, until he stands naked in front of the bed, hard and proud.

He crawls into bed with you. Their bodies touching, legs intertwining while your lips met.

"You've been an awful tease." You whispered in between kisses.

"You like it when I tease you, though." Simon replies confidently as your bodies lay intertwined. His body against yours is like a puzzle, you fit so perfectly together, two pieces coming together to make something more.

He leans in to kiss you, taking in the taste of your lips, the warmth of your skin. His fingers wrap around your neck, caress your throat as he begins to explore your body, leaving a trail of kisses and touch on everything he can reach.

Hands grope the soft flesh of your body, massaging, kneading the soft skin. You moaned when he began to kiss your body, his lips trailing down your jaw, your throat, your collarbone, breasts, nipples, eventually your stomach.

"I want to try a new position." You murmured.

"I'm up for anything, love." Simon replies. He was already in the mood to experiment, seeing the way you were responding to his touch made him giddy with excitement.

"So tell me, what position are we trying?" Simon asks, his fingers moving along your stomach, inching towards your thighs.

Your hips buck forward when he teased the soft skin there, and you have to bite your lip to hold back a moan.

"Reverse cowgirl." You answered his question. "I would like to try reverse cowgirl."

"That can be arranged." Simon replies confidently, a mischievous grin spreading across his lips. He loves that you are taking your own desires and making them known.

Simon moves away so that he's no longer on top of you, his body pressed beside yours. He rolls you and sits you on his hips, supporting himself by leaning on his elbows. Once you’re settled down, he grips your hips and pulls you towards him.

Even when you wanted to be in charge, he took control.

And you fucking loved it. You let yourself sink down on him, letting your warmth embrace him. Your head tilting back when his cock begins to fill you up.

"How's the view?" You giggled softly

"It's perfect." Simon replies, his breathing steady. He makes sure to take in every detail, the flush of your cheeks, the way you move yourself to fit him perfectly.

He pulls you closer, guiding your movements. His thumbs trail down your sides as he grips your hips, letting his fingers slide along your skin. The sight of you is almost addictive, as if he can never get enough of you.

It is a bit unusual, a new position. You are used to seeing his face, to see what you do to him, and with reverse cowgirl you can't.

It’s not that it is bad, it is just.. not as exiting for you, as it is for him. Simon is taking in the full view, your plump ass, the way you take his cock so well. His hands rest on your hips, but he lets you pick the pace.

After a few minutes, your hips stop moving.

You look over your shoulder to see his face, and Simon looks like he is in heaven.

"I.. Can I sit on your face?" You asked, your voice a soft murmur, as if you were afraid to ask it.

Simon's lips curve into a mischievous smile, his eyes gleaming with desire. The thought of you straddling his face sends an jolt of shock through him.

"Oh, that'd be perfect." Simon replies confidently, his breathing speeding up as he imagines the feeling of your body straddling his face.

You let him slip out of you, before you moved yourself upward, your hips straddling his face.

Your dripping wet pussy is hovering above him, and you feel a little nervous. "Two taps if you need some air." You murmured.

You then slowly, lower your pussy down to his face.

Simon's fingers curl into a fist, his body trembling as he watches you move into position. The sight of you hovering above him, looking down on him, is a powerful one. He can't help but let out a low growl at the thought of what you’re going to do.

When your pussy hovers above him, he grips the bedsheets, his breathing becoming faster. He stares up at the beautiful sight before him, his gaze following every inch of your body as you lower yourself towards him. His hands wrap around your thighs to help hold you.

Such an impatient boy.

He grips your thighs and pulls you down to his face. The moment his tongue touches you, you’re done for.

Your head tilts back, and a loud moan escaped your lips. You let your hands roam his chest, caressing the soft skin.

Simon's body trembles at the feeling of your hand on his chest, your touch sending shivers up his spine. It's like a jolt of pleasure when your soft, tender fingers caress his skin. As your hands move down, he continues to massage your thighs, his hands squeezing your skin tight as he pulls you down to his face. He can hear you moan, although the sound is faint, feeling your body tremble as he pushes his tongue into you. He wants to taste it all.

His tongue feels different, but shit does it feel good. "That's it." You moaned softly, your hips slowly riding his face.

Your hands massage his chest, his abs, his body. And it feels amazing. "I love you."

Simon's breath catches in his throat, hearing you admit your love for him sent a wave of warmth through his body. It was almost enough to make him want to stop what he was doing, but he enjoyed pleasing you too much.

His tongue begins to tease and dance, moving from your clit, right back to your wet folds, his fingers continuing to massage your thighs. He moves his hands further up your thighs, sliding them up to your hips.

The stubble on his chin, the way he lets you use his face, God, it is the whole combination that drives her crazy. Her hips begin to move frantic, high pitched moans leaving you as you grip his thigh to hold on to something while you cum on his tongue.

Your thighs tremble and after a second or three you got off his face, panting softly.

When you finally reached your orgasm, he was surprised with how loud your moans became. He was so focused on your body movements, that he had forgot about his own enjoyment.

As you got off his face, Simon's body began to tremble, his body begging for release. But he didn't want to end things here, no, he wanted more.

You straddled him against but before you did anything else, you kissed him, tasting yourself on his tongue.

"Fuck." You groaned. "Fuck that was amazing." You smiled at him. "You deserve the world."

Simon's eyes widen when you tasted yourself on his tongue. That.. that was the hottest thing you could’ve done.

You rolls your hips against his, enjoying his reaction. Rubbing your pussy against his rock hard dick.

"Let me make you feel good."

Simon's body trembles from your movements, as you continue to roll your hips against him. He lets out a sigh as you sink down on him, her warm pussy feeling amazing.

"Oh God..." Simon's breathing becomes faster and faster as he can already feel the release coming. "Don't stop..."

You giggled softly as you heard his words. It seems like eating you out turned him on so much he wouldn't last long. Your hips began to move faster, seeing his face twist in pleasure.

"You've been so good to me." You moaned. "So, so, so good."

"Oh God, don't stop...please." Simon replies, his voice trembling with excitement. It felt like a huge relief to not be in control, as he could just lay and enjoy your movements.

He grips your hips, his fingers digging into your soft skin as he pulls you even closer to him. You have been so good to him, even when he didn't deserve it.

His hands on your hips help you sink down on him even deeper, your pussy engulfing him fully.

You enjoyed seeing him like this, enjoying you so intense. All you wanted was for him to get that same pleasure you had gotten.

There was something so erotic about the visuals of you on top of him like that. He would love to see this view more often.

But right now, his body is beginning to tremble from anticipation, as a huge wave of pleasure comes rushing towards him.

"Oh God..." he whispers as he grips harder onto your hips.

The room begins to fill with the sound of skin against skin as you lean forward to kiss him, his hips bucking upwards to meet her in a desperate movement. You enjoyed being on top more than you had thought and this seemed like the perfect way to end the day.

"Cum for me." You whispered against his lips.

Simon's breath catches in his throat when you lean forward, bodies pressed so closely together.

"Please." his voice trembles as he leans his head up, wanting to kiss you so deep. "Make me."

Your lips capture his again, the kiss is deep, passionate, almost desperate.

"Beg me for it." You answered in a whisper.

Your hips slow down a little bit, wanting to edge him a little bit, not just giving in.

Simon's body trembles, as your words cause his breath to catch in his throat. He is not used to begging anyone for anything, but right now, it is like he is asking for your life.

He looks up at you and lets out a shaky breath, "Please..." his voice comes out hoarse, "Please let me.. please let me feel it."

You know he usually doesn't beg for anything, maybe that is why you like it so much.

"Good boy." You murmured. "Looking so pretty for me while you beg."

Your hips begin to pick up the pace again, and your own head tilts back, your lips slightly parted as you cried out his name, your second orgasm washing over you.

Simon's eyes widen when you call him a "good boy" and the sound of you calling out his name is enough to send him over the edge. He lets out a low, guttural cry as his own release washes over him, his hips bucking up to fill you up as good as he can. After a few moments, he leans up to kiss you.

“Fuuuuck." You feel exhausted when you finally catches your breath, you want to get off him, but your legs feel as if they are about to give out. "Fuck, Simon. I love you."

The words send Simon's heart fluttering, he's never heard such words before. It felt right, like his heart was finally whole again.

"I love you too."

[wannabepoeticischiya]

Weak

[ 03 ] — the obnoxious and the brute

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Satoru found it odd. After all the mischief and mayhem he put everyone through (they were pain and suffering for the recipients), he never would've thought that his own grandfather would give him a little girl as a servant—

"My boy, she will not be your servant." The old man knelt in front of him, placing his wrinkled and aging hands on the young Satoru's shoulders. "(Y/n)-chan is there to help keep you in check." He spoke, probably for the hundredth time already yet, it looks as though it still could not get through Satoru's thick skull that the girl he oh-so-generously gave flowers to would not be a servant.

"Servant." He argued, his icy-blue eyes steeling as he tried to convince the older man.

"That girl is only a few months older than you, Satoru. But I can guarantee you that she can, and she will put you in your place if you don't fix that attitude of yours." The older man warned, the clan leader himself wasn't particularly updated on what the young (Y/n) could do nor was he well-informed of her background despite her living within the confines of his property; hopefully putting in a little threat would lessen the chances of Satoru making trouble for the girl. Oh, if only he knew...

But now that his plan of providing a guardian for Satoru ultimately backfired (and clearly would never work), the old man was now set on giving the young lad a friend instead.

However, even though the clan Leader was at his wits end trying to juggle between being a decent relative and a good leader, he and the other higher-ups still wanted to inspect if (L/n) was worthy enough to even breathe the same air as the Gojō Clan.

No matter how much that old coop struggled, never in his life will he permit nobodies to be in the care of people like them.

After all, nearly everyone in that prestigious family had the same mindset: that the weak and incompetent are not and will never be allowed to be associated or even glance at anyone carrying the name Gojō.

They were prideful as they were strong.

The lineage bearing the one of the most powerful techniques looked down on those they deemed useless.

"Why don't you go and try to be friends with her, I'm sure she's a kind and gentle girl." And with that, he sent Satoru Gojō to where (Y/n) was currently residing, completely forgetting to remind the young boy to knock.

The moment Satoru slid the door open, a hurling knife imbued with a decent amount of cursed energy embedded itself on the wall behind him, one that dangerously came close to chopping his ear off.

"Oh."

Satoru diverted his attention from the weapon that nearly took away one of his needed body parts towards the girl who passed through the threshold of the door and made her way to him—or the knife behind him.

"It's you." She snarled, pulling out the weapon which was buried halfway into the wall before pointing it threateningly at Satoru.

He leaned his head back as (Y/n)'s knife was getting closer to his neck at an alarming rate. "I... I come... I come in peace; I swear!" Satoru raised his hands in surrender and shut his eyes, praying that (Y/n) won't slice his throat open right here right now.

She lowered the weapon and sighed, backing away from him and sassily crossing her arms over her chest, raising an eyebrow questioningly. "What do you want?"

"I... I..." Now that Satoru was actually standing before the girl, he found himself with nothing to say, no plan... no nothing. Come to think of it, growing up, he wasn't really one to think things through thoroughly. It only changed when Satoru began to take sorcery training seriously. "I just... I—"

Come on brain, what do I say? Why won't you work when I need you to work?

"Do—do you... uh... do you wanna eat some grass?" I completely messed that up, didn't I?

(Y/n) could only stare at the Gojo heir standing aways from her door. What in the world is going on in his brain?

Silence permeated the distance between the two children, separating them further from one another as the clock ticks. For every step Satoru took to be friendly, he took two steps backwards because of his uncertainty and inability to be a decent person.

Nonetheless, (Y/n) did not want to be impolite to her new boss more than she already had been. "No, thank you. I'm good." Don't think for a second that I've forgotten that you told me I looked like a barnacle. "We start tomorrow please give me this one final day of freedom before I get stuck following you around." Of course, wanting was very different from actually doing it because as those words left her mouth, (Y/n) accompanied them with an equally menacing glare all directed at him, and tried to shut the door in his face.

Satoru, noticing what his friend (self-proclaimed) was going to do, immediately took a step forward to prevent her from completing her action. "WAIT!" he yelled, gripping the panel tightly as both of their strengths clashed against each other. One, trying to shut it close, even if it mean that she was going to crush his fingers (as well as hers) in the doorjamb, and the other... trying to keep it open as much as possible until his brain could finally work and do its job properly and process a single meaningful thought.

(Y/n)'s stare didn't soften one bit. If it wasn't considered mean or disrespectful, she would've pushed the Satoru and shut the door in his face. "I—I just... I.. I—" He stammered, looking for something... anything that might spark up a conversation with the cold-hearted girl.

"Ah, (Y/n)-san!" The two awkwardly positioned kids turned their heads to look at the new arrival, Satoru's grandfather.

Satoru inwardly celebrated, you could almost see the way his eyes twinkled with delight at the presence of his grandfather, not because he loved him (well he did, kind of... sort of, maybe just a tiny bit) but because he knew that with that old geezer around, (Y/n) would not be able to deny any of his advances, which—if course—were obviously filled with nothing but good intentions.

The girl, not older than seven, discreetly gritted her teeth in annoyance, taking great care not to let the old man see. "What can I do for you, Clan Leader?" She addressed him respectfully, mindful of the way her head bowed and what kind of intonation she had on her voice. (Y/n) had to hide all that anger somewhere, save it for a sunny day.

"Please, raise your head Young One," if he wasn't related to the little troll beside her, he could have passed as a senile old man who had nothing but a nice, peaceful life waiting ahead. "You are (Y/n), yes?" Alas, he was anything but senile. "Why don't you and Satoru get to know each other hmm?" The old man suggested, a small smile accentuating the wrinkles that were already carved onto his face, "that seems like a good idea, wouldn't you agree?" But his eyes told a different story. They were cold, empty... unforgiving, mirroring the ones that kept her up so very deep into the night.

"I COMPLETELY AGREE!" Satoru's reply was quick as he scornfully looked down on (Y/n)'s shattered expression, completely unaware of the unease settling in between her bones. This time, Satoru was confident that he wouldn't mess up and that maybe the presence of a person with power could extinguish the brute attitude that (Y/n) had.

She had no other choice but to comply.

"Yes! I think that's a good idea as well." She beamed which surprised the evil Granpa-Grandson duo. Satoru did not expect the positive side of (Y/n) to surface right away, because after being ignored for more than three weeks after he said that she looked like a barnacle, he was almost certain that the girl could not smile.

"Really?" He questioned innocently, going as far as taking (Y/n)'s rough hands in his own.

"Of course, Satoru-kun!" Her honeyed tone was like music to his ears and the sickening smile that etched itself on her face was like sunshine on a rainy day.

Na ï ve brat.

"Great! I'll leave you two to it. You two are free to go anywhere just don't wander too far away from the house." He laughed, watching as his grandson dragged away the girl, painfully aware of the distaste and bubbling anger inside (Y/n).

. . .

The small girl spared a hard glare at the smiling male across the table; his chin propped on the palm of his right hand. His eyes—the six eyes—which were bluer than a summer sky stared right back at her, seemingly glowing brighter for every second that passed.

Underneath it all, (Y/n)'s fists were gripping the handle of her knife so tightly that she was certain her hands would be permanently molded like that if she did not ease her grip soon.

How could she, though? If she wasn't squeezing the atoms out of her heirloom, it would be the Gojo heir getting the daylights forced out of him.

If it were legal... no—if she could get away with it with no sweat or worry... she would've impaled Satoru's eyes with a pair of chopsticks already.

"Stop. Staring." She snarled, fixing her gaze back on the mess of ingredients in front of her. Finally coaxing her limb out from under the table, she continued to shape the rice into little triangles. Peacefully imagining killing Gojo Satoru and his stinky grandfather and getting away from this place as it would be physically possible.

"But..." He sighed at her dreamily—"you're so pretty." A creepy smile made its way into his face, his eyes shining with something that even the light that dangled from the ceiling couldn't illuminate.

Startled by the words that flowed from his lips, (Y/n)'s hands ceased their movement, for a moment not long enough for the other person to catch.

Why is your hair like that (Y/n)-chan? You'd look better if it was shorter.

(Y/n), did you gain some weight?

You should eat up, honey, you look like a stick.

"Maybe having the six eyes does have its downsides." (Y/n) raised an eyebrow at him, silently judging him as he looked at her with mushy and heart eyes.

Gross.

"But it's true!" He debated, slamming his hands on the kitchen counter. Shaking whatever clutter the furniture held. "And this doesn't have anything to do with the six eyes!"

"Whatever." (Y/n) dismissed the topic, opting to just force a smile on her face, not wanting to remember those awful days. Grabbing a random plate from somewhere in the kitchen, one by one she arranged the little triangles to form a smiley face, vaguely remembering being served something very similar to that many, many moons ago. "Be sure to look twice before you say something like that to me."

"And here's your onigiri, Gojō-sama" She slid the plate in his direction and got off the highchair, turning one last time to bid him farewell before she walked away.

Did... did I say something wrong?

The white-haired boy ate alone. What was a smiley face to (Y/n) looked like a sad one from the way Satoru saw it. "I just wanted to be nice..." he whispered, wiping the tears that were now falling from his icy-blue eyes. Satoru didn't know what he had to do. To him, it seemed impossible to make the girl genuinely happy. Because after they were out of his grandfather's sight and earshot, he had never seen (Y/n) look so... so upset.

His small sniffs resonated in the empty room; the sad face plate now completely wiped off of any trace of food.

Satoru did mean well, but the only problem is that he has no idea on how to be a decent human being.

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[its-jaytothemee]

Until I Met You - Chapter 32

Chapter 32: A Curse Broken

Pairings: Halsin x Tav

Word count: 4,999

Rating: Currently M, will be Explicit in later chapters.

Read on AO3

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Summary: Tav and Halsin set out to find Thaniel's missing half. Part 32 of the slow burn fic. Tav and Halsin POVs.

Tags: Slow burn, mutual pining, hurt/comfort, emotional hurt/comfort, fluff, eventual love confessions, eventual smut, angst, implied past rape/non-con and abuse, graphic description of injuries, brief suicidal thoughts.

A/N: And we're back! Enjoy this next chapter! Sorry for the long wait between updates...don't worry I'm definitely still chipping away at this fic! They'll still be a bit sporadic while I'm in school but more story is coming I promise <3 Thanks so much for coming back to read after such a long break!

Halsin barreled past the mingling inhabitants of Last Light, still clutching Thaniel tight against him. The small groans and labored breaths coming from the small boy in his arms brought tears to his eyes. From what he could tell, Thaniel was suffering from a similar malady to Art Cullagh, but the hold on his mind was far stronger. In his weakened state, it must have been easier to take over his mind, allowing the shadows to take deeper roots. Without returning his missing piece, Halsin was certain Thaniel would remain under Shar’s spell.

Their brief sprint across through the woods led him stumbling past the edge of their camp, Gale and Astarion gasping for breath behind him. To his surprise, Shadowheart had returned from Last Light. She sat in front of her tent, lost in prayer or meditation.

Halsin laid Thaniel down next to the campfire to try and warm him up. Despite being huddled in Halsin’s arms, his skin was still cool to the touch.

“Who’s this?” Arabella had come skipping over to the fire.

“He’s a friend of mine, his name is Thaniel,” Halsin responded as he tried to catch his breath.

When he looked over his shoulder, Gale and Astarion had averted their eyes away from Arabella. They shuffled in place, kicking the dirt around their feet into little piles.

“He looks like the other boy I saw before Tav found me.” Arabella cocked her head to the side as she studied Thaniel’s face.

Of course. How did you not make that connection you old fool?

“I think you may have met his counterpart, Arabella. The part of him who has been trapped here since Thaniel was taken away to the Shadowfell.”

“Huh, he just asked me to play with him. I couldn’t find him though, so he must be good at hiding.”

“Do you remember where you saw him?” Halsin asked.

“Not exactly, it was too dark to see much. I remember being close to a graveyard,” she said.

“That’s alright, chances are he doesn’t stay in one spot for long.” He sat down next to Thaniel.

Astarion and Gale had wandered over as well, still decidedly avoiding Arabella.

What is that all about?

Having interrupted her meditations, Shadowheart also joined them.

“He…he’s just a child…” Shadowheart whispered next to him. “I thought you were exaggerating, or…or lying.”

“He’s much more than a child,” Halsin corrected her, “but he doesn’t truly know that.”

When he spared a glance up at Shadowheart, he saw confusion and anger oscillating over her features. He could see her pointed ears twitching behind the black fringe of her hair. Her hand was balled into a fist at her side.

“I don’t understand…” He heard her mutter under her breath before composing herself once more.

“Where are the others?” she asked, raising her voice so they could all hear.

“Tav was injured rather badly,” Gale explained, sparing a sympathetic look at Halsin. “Everyone else stayed behind so she could heal.”

“This must be important indeed if you came back without her,” Shadowheart aimed a bewildered scoff at Halsin.

“More important than you realize, Shadowheart. Her injuries were not life-threatening, I’m confident she’s capable of tending to them on her own.” He tried to project confidence with his words despite the fact that each one felt like a knife in his gut. When he looked back up at her, there was an unfamiliar softness in her expression.

“I…I need to meditate. To see if I can find any clues in his mind.” Halsin stood up, once again taking Thaniel in his arms. “Would you tell me when…”

“We’ll let you know when she’s back, Halsin,” Astarion said with a wink.

He gave him a grateful nod before taking Thaniel to rest in his tent.

***

Tav rolled her wrist and shoulder around, testing her range of motion. She had taken care of her wounds with ease – the injuries had been painful, but not life-threatening in the least. Wyll, Lae’zel, and Karlach had stayed behind with her after the fight so she could get healed up a bit. They also managed to salvage plenty of useful materials, so she was counting the battle as a win.

Gale came running up to them as soon as the camp was in sight.

“It’s good to see you up, my friend.” He patted her on the back. “Halsin’s waiting for you, he wanted to know the second you returned.”

“Thanks, Gale. I’ll head over right away.” She nodded to the others as she jogged over to Halsin’s tent, Lunari close at her heels. He was sitting on the ground outside of it, concentrating over Thaniel’s body.

“Halsin?” she called out softly. His head snapped up to her.

“Tav…you’re back.” He let out a relieved sigh as he stood up. “Forgive me, are you alright? I wanted to stay but–”

“I’m fine, Halsin. My wounds are healed, and Thaniel is safe here at camp. There’s nothing to forgive.” She held up a hand to cut him off. Even as she spoke, he was inspecting her wrist and shoulder.

“You…you dove in front of an arrow for Thaniel. For…” A single tear ran down his face as he looked into her eyes.

“Not just for Thaniel, for us. For you. And I’d do it again,” she assured him. Before she could continue, he grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her into a hug.

When she pulled away, she noticed marks up and down his arms in the shape of handprints.

“What happened?” she asked as she gingerly ran her fingers over one of them.

“There were wraiths and shadows that pursued us through the Shadowfell. Their grip was cold enough to leave burns,” he shuddered as he recalled the creatures.

“Here, let me.” Tav murmured her simple healing spell. She wasn’t nearly as skilled as Halsin, but it was more than sufficient to mend a few burns.

“Thank you, I suppose I forgot about my own injuries while tending to Thaniel.”

She smirked back at him. Of course he had neglected his own pain to concentrate on others’.

“Now…what have you found out? You said there was a part of Thaniel missing.” Tav reached up to wipe away his tears.

“Yes, his counterpart. It seems they were ripped apart when Thaniel was dragged to the Shadowfell. If we can find his other half, he should be able to recover. Once he is whole again, he can banish these shadows once and for all.” Halsin’s voice had taken on a new tone, full of hope and courage. Having found Thaniel, his confidence in finding an end to the shadow curse seemed to be born anew.

“Okay, where do we start though? What are we looking for?” she prompted.

“Even while subdued, this curse cannot fully suppress Thaniel’s power. We must look for signs of life in the darkness. Leaves, flowers, anything that doesn’t seem warped by the shadows.” Tav could see his mind racing, trying to think of any clues they could have seen during their travels. A sudden look of realization spread over his face.

“In fact, I saw something like that on our way here. Fool that I am, I didn’t recognize its significance.” His eyes widened as he spoke.

“Show me!” Tav fumbled with her bag to pull out the small map Jaheira gave them.

“There…just outside of Last Light,” he said breathlessly. They made a small mark on the map to save their destination.

“Okay then, I’ll see what I can do. I’ll head there right away.” She smiled and turned to walk back to the others, but Halsin caught her hand and spun her back toward him.

“Wait…” He pulled her a little closer. “This doesn’t have to be your burden alone. I’ve asked enough of you without being at your side. From now on, if you require my aid, you shall have it. Against the curse, against the Absolute…” He brought his other hand up to rest on the one he was already holding.

“…anything. Just say the word.” He tensed as he looked at her, almost as if he expected to be sent away.

“Then let’s get moving,” she responded with a smile. His shoulders relaxed as he squeezed her hand.

She whistled for Lunari to follow, but the wolf had curled up next to Thaniel with her head on his chest.

“I must admit I would feel better knowing he’s being looked after,” Halsin mused.

“Very well, we’ll leave her with Thaniel.”

Tav led him back towards the others, ready to brief them on their next mission.

She let him take the lead. The others listened with intense stares as he told them of his meditations with Thaniel. Halsin eagerly explained what would need to be done to make him whole again.

“Come now, surely this group of adventurers can handle a child.” Astarion’s eye roll was audible in his words.

“He is no mere child. Oliver is part of the spirit of the land. He has the power of this land as well. There is a good chance he will not come willingly after being isolated amongst the shadows for so long,” Halsin warned.

“We have a possible location, but this will be dangerous. I’ve asked too much of all of you to expect you to join another personal tangent.” Tav looked between her companions, hoping they would come with her anyway.

“We’re in this together soldier. Your tangents are my tangents.” Karlach came and put her arm around Tav’s shoulder.

“I couldn’t agree more.”  Wyll stood up from his seat next to the fire.

“I’ll always look for an excuse to put a bratty little child in their place.” Astarion was nonchalantly twirling his daggers between his fingers.

“I’ll be by your side, whenever you need me,” Halsin said as he took one of her hands.

“Hang on, are you coming with us bear man?” Karlach jumped in front of them to yell.

“If you’ll have me.” Halsin’s voice was anxious again.

“Fuck yes!” Karlach grabbed his free arm and hugged him. He seemed startled by the motion, but quickly recovered and hugged her back, his lips turned up in a soft smile.

“Here, this might help.”

Tav turned to see Shadowheart standing at the other side of the fire, holding out the Lathander mace they had found in the Creche.

“What happened to going against Shar?” Tav spat the words with a little more venom than she intended.

“This second spirit isn’t being held by Lady Shar. And…” She took a deep breath. “I need to see it for myself.”

“Then why not come with us?” Karlach asked, head cocked to the side.

Tav tensed at Karlach’s offer, but another bout of guilt gripped her chest when Shadowheart’s eyes darted to her. The obvious distrust she saw there was enough to make her want to hide in shame.

“Just because this spirit isn’t being held by her doesn’t mean I want to incur any further displeasure by participating in its release.”

“Fair enough,” Karlach admitted.

“Besides,” Shadowheart continued, “I heard you were injured rather badly before. This can at least help with the shadows.”

The look of shock and suspicion on Tav’s face must have been painfully obvious. Shadowheart just rolled her eyes.

“Don’t look at me like that,” she snapped back. “Regardless of our differences I’d prefer you all come back alive. I can’t exactly dispel this Absolute cult on my own, can I?”

“Thank you,” Halsin said, walking over to accept the weapon.

Shadowheart gave a curt nod before stalking back over to her tent.

Tav wanted to call out to her, but no words would form. She could feel the others’ eyes on her, wary of her erratic behavior throughout the day.

No matter. One more step, maybe one more fight, and this duty can be done.

***

Halsin’s heartbeat pounded in his chest, the rhythm resonating deep in his ears as they made their way up the hill. At the top was a small, decrepit house. Just like the rest of the cursed land, it had fallen to ruin. The walls barely stood, parts of the roof had collapsed, and the wood looked to be rotten all the way through.

Despite its concerning appearance, Halsin felt his breath catch at the sight of the small pathway leading to the door.

All around the perimeter of the house were patches of grass, in each patch a small group of flowers bloomed even in the darkness. Tall, sweet-smelling flowers with rounded, purple petals stacked upon one another in little clusters at the top of the stem.

Lavender.

“This is it,” Halsin whispered to the others.

He walked over and held one of the delicate blooms between his fingers. They were fragile, struggling to grow in such a harsh environment, but when he closed his eyes and focused, he could hear the smallest hint of a laugh through them. He stilled his mind to all other thoughts and just listened for a moment. A hopeful smile spread over his face as he plucked one from the ground and took a deep inhale, absorbing what little life he could in the darkness.

As everyone else caught up to him, he pulled out the small notebook he kept in his backpack, pressing the small flower between the pages. He wanted to preserve this one little piece of hope he found among the shadows.

A small voice cut through his reveries, one that was familiar, but felt twisted…tortured.

“She wasn’t very fun,” the voice sneered. “All I wanted was to play.”

Halsin took note of the few bodies around the house. The freshest one was a githyanki.

“But someone else is coming.” He heard the childish whisper but couldn’t seem to find its source.

“Creepy,” Karlach said. He could see the small shiver that ran over her body.

“It definitely sounds like a child,” Tav remarked. She had the glowing mace strapped to her back to chase away the shadows.

Their group peered around the decaying doorway into the house. It was small, only one room. Broken furniture lined what was left of the walls. The air around them made the hair on Halsin’s arm stand on end.

Something, or someone, was watching them.

“Boo! I scared you!”

“Fuck!” Tav, Astarion, and Karlach all shouted together. Each of them clutched their chest in shock as they stared down at the small child that had appeared out of thin air.

“I win! No one beats me in hide and seek.” He rocked back and forth on his feet, heel to toe, like he was waiting for praise for a job well done. The eager, playful look in his eyes caused the recognition to click immediately in Halsin’s mind.

He walked up behind Tav, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“That’s him,” Halsin whispered, “he’s like an echo of Thaniel.”

Tav nodded her understanding, never taking her eyes off Oliver.

“So, will you play with me?” he asked, eyes still sparkling with mischievous energy as he looked at Tav expectantly.

“Oliver, right?” she asked gently.

“You know me?” His eyes brightened further, feet tapping in place with excitement.

“Yes, I know who you really are,” she continued, reaching a hand out. “I’m here to help bring you back to Thaniel.”

Oliver’s expression darkened.

“I don’t want to go anywhere. I have everything I need here. I just want to play,” Oliver pouted, crossing his arms over his chest. “Will you play with me or not?”

“Easy,” Halsin urged Tav, “remember, he doesn’t think of himself as any more than a child.”

“I’m not really one to play, Oliver. But I’m sure Thaniel is. If you come with us, maybe you could play with him.”

Halsin gave her an appreciative smile but noticed Oliver’s face twist into a frown.

“Spoilsport,” he muttered. “I don’t want to go back…I like it here. I get to play all the time.”

Oliver looked pensive for a moment before waving their group away.

“I don’t want to play with you anymore.”

With those words, he conjured a portal and disappeared beyond its edge.

“Any other ideas?” Tav turned to ask Halsin.

“The shadows have warped Oliver even further than I expected.” He couldn’t help the dejection seeping into his voice. “We must follow him. I think we should be expecting a fight on the other side of that portal.”

“Ah, that reminds me! Now that you’re coming with us bear man, you should know the safe word.” Karlach came up and clapped him on the shoulder.

“…safe word?” he asked, trying to hide his confusion. Either he was misunderstanding, or this group was much closer than he had originally thought.

“Yeah! The word is ‘whizbangs.’ Anybody says it, we get ready for a fight.” She smiled back at him.

“Right, understood,” he said, concealing a laugh with a small cough. Tav fought a smirk to his side.

“Onward?” she asked, looking to him for confirmation.

“Onward.” He tilted his head toward the portal and led them through.

The moment they stepped beyond its edge, Halsin felt a shift in the shadows.

“You should have just left me alone!” Oliver cried out.

A large, glimmering dome appeared over him just before he conjured several shadows that looked just like him.

Halsin dashed up to the barrier, avoiding swipes from the small shades as he ran.

“Oliver, please!” He pounded his fist against the dome but pulled it back with a hiss.

Burning pain had shot up his arm at the movement. He could feel the dark magic stinging his flesh.

“Don’t touch the dome!” Halsin turned just in time to see a large wraith making a clawed swipe at him, catching its hand with his staff.

“Maybe we can weaken it from afar,” Tav suggested as she drew her bow. She fired an arrow, careful to aim it past Oliver.

A beam of necrotic energy was reflected back at her, striking her in the gut.

“Fucking hells that smarts,” she wheezed, doubling over from the impact.

“You alright, sis?” Karlach yelled as she cleaved through two other shadows.

“I’ll manage. Keep those shadows under control until we can figure out a way to get rid of that barrier!” She stood up and shook off the brief attack.

Wyll started hurling spells at the wraith in front of Halsin. Eldritch Blasts soared through the air to strike the shadow, distracting it for a moment. Halsin took advantage of it, bringing down a tall beam of radiant light in front of him. With a blood-curdling screech, the wraith puffed out of existence.

Behind him, Halsin heard a noise that sounded like glass breaking. When he turned around, he noticed small cracks now lining the dome protecting Oliver.

The shadows are the key.

As the thought crossed his mind, he saw Tav take out another large wraith causing a large crack to appear across the top of the dome, solidifying his theory.

Oliver conjured shadow after shadow. A discordant symphony of childish cackles filled the air as each of his “friends” joined in. Whenever they dispelled a handful, another wave came to take their place. Everywhere they turned a small shadow hissed and swiped at them, desperately trying to deter them from Oliver.

“Hells below, these little brats are everywhere!” Astarion yelled as he took out another one.

“We’re close, every shadow vanquished weakens that shield around him,” Halsin called back to him. “Look at the cracks forming around it!”

The shimmering dome surrounding Oliver started to look like a glass bowl that had been dropped but hadn’t quite shattered yet.

We might make it through this yet.

Just as he finished the thought, Wyll took out the last little shadow with a spell, and Oliver let out another laugh.

“Now you want to play? Fine, let me show you my favorite toy.”

He conjured a shadow just outside of his shield in the shape of a massive owlbear. It let out an ear-piercing shriek before lunging at them.

“Fuck that’s a big guy,” Karlach hissed as she narrowly avoided one of its swipes.

Halsin responded in kind, shifting into an owlbear to counter it. Not a moment too soon either, for its next swipe caught him in the shoulder. A blow that would have been near deadly in his elven form. The creature followed with a hard stomp onto the ground beneath it, causing a small quake strong enough to knock his other companions into the dirt.

He tried to keep the owlbear busy, lashing out with his own paws to give the others a chance to recover.

Karlach was the first back on her feet, charging at the shadow from Halsin’s flank. She aimed a powerful cleave through the owlbear. The blade stuttered through the apparition like it caught on something, but then passed through the rest of the way in a smooth arc.

The others seemed to be having trouble getting up. Astarion was cradling his arm on the ground, Wyll was gasping for breath as he rolled to his side, and Tav had only made it up to her knees.

Karlach came in for another attack, but the shadow knocked her away with one mighty swipe of its paw. She was thrown into a nearby tree, slamming her back against its trunk.

While Halsin was distracted checking on the others, the owlbear leaped at him, pinning him beneath a heap of shadowy muscles and feathers. Just as it reared its beaked head, ready to attack, it cried out with a pained, unnatural shriek.

He spared a glance to his side where he saw Tav on one knee, bow still held out in front of her from firing an arrow.

With that final shot, the owlbear puffed away to be reabsorbed into the shadows, and the dome protecting Oliver crumbled to the ground around him.

***

Tav let out her held breath as the owlbear disappeared into thin air, still kneeling on the ground. When she looked back up at Oliver, the barrier protecting him had vanished as well.

Halsin dismissed his wild shape and was now taking slow steps toward the boy. Tav followed close behind, not wanting to startle him.

“Why can’t I just stay here, playing? I had everything I’ve ever wanted, right here, and now you’ve ruined it!” Oliver paced and pouted at the top of the stairs. “I’m not leaving – you can’t make me!”

Tav looked to Halsin for help, unsure how to soothe this powerful force of nature with the soul of a child.

“Be gentle,” he urged her, “like I said, he’s much more than a child, but he doesn’t truly know that.”

“You should talk to him, Halsin. You know what he needs to hear better than anyone.” She reached over to take one of his hands. He nodded back to her with a sad smile before kneeling in front of Oliver.

“No one is going to make you leave, Oliver. This is your home. But…” Tav choked back tears hearing the cracks in Halsin’s voice. “But it’s lonely and empty. I don’t want you to be here alone, I want you to be with Thaniel.”

“Why would I go back to him? He abandoned me!”

“No, you were taken from each other. Neither of you are to blame. I know your pain, truly I do. Thaniel was my friend too. I used to play with him, I grew up with him even though he stayed the same. I am who I am today because of him, and then he was ripped away from me, same as he was for you.”

“But would he even want me back?” Oliver kicked a small rock on the ground, not meeting Halsin’s eyes.

“Of course he will,” Halsin sniffled and took one of the boy’s hands, “you need not invent friends, you don’t have to be alone. Thaniel is back. And he’s waiting for you.”

“But I was alone. Even when it was scary.”

Tav rested a hand on Halsin’s shoulder and knelt next to him. “You’ve been so brave, Oliver. Spending so much time among the shadows? All on your own? Think of how much you’ll be able to help Thaniel.”

“I suppose he’s a bit scared too,” Oliver looked back up at them, a small smile threatening to spread across his face, “I bet he’d like to have someone to help him.”

He took a moment to think before speaking again. The brief pause felt like an eternity as her heart pounded against her ribs.

“Okay, I’ll do it. It might be nice to have someone to play with again.”

Halsin let out a relieved, breathy laugh.

“Well done.” He leaned into Tav as the tears in his eyes started rolling down his cheeks, causing hers to do the same.

“Are you crying? You’re both a bit big to be crying.” Oliver cocked his head to the side. “I guess that’s okay though.”

They both chuckled as they leaned against one another.

“I guess this is goodbye for now,” Oliver smiled, “but thanks for playing with me!”

Right before their eyes, they saw a swathe of golden light envelop Oliver’s body. The dark magic that had been lining his features was burned away, causing him to look even more like Thaniel. His face looked peaceful as he slowly faded away with the light.

Halsin and Tav stood back up, staring at the spot where Oliver had just been a moment earlier.

“It’s done…” Halsin turned to her, astonishment obvious in his handsome features.

Before she could say anything in response, his arms shot out to draw her into a crushing embrace. She threw her arms around his neck to pull herself closer. Their joyful, relieved cries mingled in the still air as they held each other.

He did it. Halsin actually did it.

Shar’s cursed darkness would choke the land no more.

“You did it.” Tav’s sobs were muffled by his shoulder as he picked her up off the ground, keeping his arms tight around her waist.

“We did it.” He sat her down again and took her face in both of his hands. “I could not have done this without you. Thank you, Tav. Thank you.”

He wiped her tears away; she reached up to do the same for him as he left a soft kiss in her hair.

“I couldn’t have done this without all of you.” Halsin let go of her to turn and address their companions. “You have helped me at a great risk to your own lives, and I will be eternally grateful.”

Karlach wore a mushy expression as she watched Tav lean against Halsin, hugging herself close to his side. The happy tears gathering in her eyes as she gave Tav a quick wink caused her smirk to turn to a toothy grin.

“Not to be the depressive voice of reason,” Astarion spoke up first, “but I see the shadows are still here and dark as ever.”

“It will take time for them to disperse. Thaniel is still recovering his strength, but with Oliver returning to his side I am confident that we will see them banished soon.” Halsin looked back to Tav, still wearing a soft smile.

“Well, I don’t know about you guys but I’m fucking beat,” Karlach yawned as she stretched her arms out in front of her. “I wonder what Gale’s got on the menu tonight?”

“Well, courtesy of our friends at Last Light, we were able to get some more fresh meat,” Wyll chimed in. “I’ve no doubt he found something incredible to make out of it.”

Wyll and Karlach turned away from Tav to start the walk back to camp. Astarion followed close behind as the other two started to salivate in anticipation of their evening meal.

Tav started to follow, but Halsin caught her hand.

“Wait…” he whispered.

She hung back a few steps behind everyone else with him.

“I don’t know what to say. There are no words to express my gratitude.” He brought his other hand up to envelop the one he was already holding.

“I…” Tav trailed off as she looked up into his gentle eyes, still shining with tears even in the darkness. “I’m so very happy for you, Halsin.”

One of his hands came up to cup her cheek.

“This victory is yours as well, Tav. I want you to share that joy with me. I know Tev’s death weighs heavily on your mind, but I hope you can allow yourself just a brief reprieve from your grief.”

She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch. For just a moment, Tav let her pain float away. She gave herself permission to have a fleeting feeling of happiness and accomplishment.

“Banishing these shadows was such a distant dream for so long. Seeing it become a reality…I must admit, I’m not sure what to do next.”

She smiled back at him as she opened her eyes. “I guess you’ll just have to find a new dream to chase.”

“Perhaps once there’s less talk of curses and mind flayers, I can do just that,” he chuckled.

Tav saw the rest of their group turning around a nearby corner.

“We should catch up with the others, otherwise Karlach might claim all the food before we get back,” she teased.

“Lead the way,” Halsin said as he placed a soft kiss on her knuckles.

At least one problem had been solved. Soon enough, the shadows would no longer choke the land.

Now all she had to do was dismantle a murderous cult of mind flayers being led by a former paladin of Shar before all of its True Souls could be turned into illithids and take control of the Sword Coast. The past three days had already proven difficult and overwhelming, but Tav had a feeling that the hardest fights were still yet to come.

[vanfleeter]

Bound For Earth: Chapter 2

Characters: Jake Kiszka, Josh Kiszka, Star Warnings: 18+ || Language. Allusions to death. Near death experience (if you squint super hard). Fluff. Brotherly antics. Poor flirting.

Bound For Earth Masterlist

Morning comes quicker than I wanted as the alarm clock rings loudly by my ear. “Off!” I groan before dragging my head up from its resting place on my desk. The tablet was nothing but a black screen. I stayed up late last night updating most of the databases we use on this station. Cracking my neck, I sigh in much needed relief before pushing out of the desk chair and going over to the closet.

The same old clothes too. Several navy blue jumpsuits and black combat boots with my name stitched on each one. The door to my cabin slides open and the robotic clinking sounds as Marvin moves through my room.

“You are awake,” Marvin says, rolling over to me. “I must check your heart rate before you get ready for the day.”

Sighing and rolling my eyes, I turn to face Marvin and pull off my white t-shirt. His metal hand reaches upwards and presses against my chest, just over the spot where my monitor is. Josh has the same one too. There’s nothing wrong with our hearts, they just want to monitor them because we’re the first humans born on Mars. We’re their scientific study.

Can humans born on Mars survive?

Well, we made it this far. Life expectancy could be different here, we could maybe live longer than your average human on Earth, or we might not be as lucky and have a shorter life span. Yet another reason why we can’t leave the planet. If we leave, they won’t have their guinea pigs.

“Heart rate is very good,” Marvin says. “No abnormalities.”

“What about Josh?”

“He is the same. After all, you two are identical twins.”

“For the most part,” I say as I pull my shirt back on and grab a jumpsuit out of the closet.

“Feeling any symptoms of illness?” Marvin asks, his mechanical eyes clicking and whirring as he examines my outer features.

“I don’t have a fever,” I say. “I feel fine. Just like yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that…”

“Just doing my job, sir.” Marvin says as he adjusts his mechanics and moves back towards the cabin door. “Breakfast is ready in the common room.” He glides out of the cabin and the door closes behind him.

Changing into the jumpsuit, I step into my boots before walking over to the mirror. “Good morning, Jacob.” The mirror speaks as it pulls up the weather for Mars. “Sunny day today, but there is a chance for a dust storm.”

“We are due for that.” I say as I run the brush through my hair. “How’s the weather on Earth?”

“Where would you like to know the weather?”

“Houston, Texas. Please.”

“Current weather in Houston, Texas is a high of ninety-eight, but humidity is making the temperature feel like one hundred and four.”

“Massive heatwave.”

“Average weather for Texas these days. They are expected to get some thunderstorms later on in the day. Heavy rain and high winds.”

“Houston, we have a problem..” I joke.

A knock comes on the door followed by Josh’s voice, “Jake, are you awake? You’re gonna miss breakfast.”

“Thanks for the update, Ida.” I say before stepping away from the mirror and opening the door to my cabin. Josh is still there in the hallway and leaning against the opposite wall. “Why do you always have to wait for me?”

“Not really sure what else I’m supposed to do,” He says. “Don’t exactly have friends up here.”

“I don’t think we ever will,” I say, stepping out of my cabin and sliding the door closed. “We’re probably going to die up here before they ever send more people up here.”

“Way to sound optimistic,” Josh says as he pushes off the wall.

I shrug my shoulders and hit the button to open the sliding doors to the next corridor. “Just stating the truth..” I mumble as we trudge on down the corridor and to the next set of doors.

“I may have been eavesdropping on your conversation with Mom last night,” Josh says. “Do you really want to go to Earth?”

“Don’t you?” I ask as I hit the button to open the next set of doors.

“Sort of.. But you’ve heard what they said. It’s risky.”

“So we’ll feel fifty pounds heavier, is that such a bad thing?”

“You know it’s not our weight, Jake,” Josh says. “Our hearts won’t be able to handle that kind of pressure. We’ll be dead before we even get to see the sun set.”

“Now who’s not being optimistic?” I say, raising my brows. “How do they know we won’t survive? How do they know what our bodies will do when we get down there? Hell, they’re still trying to figure out if we’re going to survive on this planet.”

We begin to hear the chatter of voices coming from the common area. Stepping inside the room, we do our usual morning greetings with everyone before hopping in line to get our food. I’ve always wondered if our food tastes the same as it does on Earth, or if it’s not as good. We don’t have freeze dried food like you would typically think of people living in outer space. At least, not anymore. They figured out a way to bring Earth food to Mars and be able to grow it. We mostly have vegetables, still haven’t figured out a way to send chickens and cows into outer space. They tried once, but that didn’t really end very well.

You do not want to know.

So for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, we basically live off of green beans, peas, carrots and corn. Our milk is all almond and or soy, whichever crop survives at harvest. Every other year we get treated to freeze dried bacon that they’ll send up with the incoming crew. I sadly consider that a luxury.

“Jake.. Hello-o-o..”

“Hmm?” I turn my attention back towards Josh and he chuckles. “Daydreaming again?”

“What else is there to do?”

“Preferably not choke on your peas.”

I groan and chew on my peas. “And that’s another thing about Earth,” I say. “We can eat other shit besides vegetables. Imagine eating pancakes. Maybe even waffles. One can dream..” I say. “We'd have more options.”

“You are so obsessed.” Josh rolls his eyes.

“I think living up here is slowly making me insane.”

“You have got to get out of your cabin more. When was the last time you took an ATV out?”

I shake my head, “I am not going to be your ticket to go on one again. Mom would yank my helmet off.”

“Come on!” Josh whines. “Just this once, please?”

Rolling my eyes, I take another bite. “Fine…” I immediately pointed my fork at him and locked my eyes with his. “But if we get in trouble, I’m ripping your helmet off myself.”

“Fair..” He shrugs his shoulders. “So tonight after everyone’s in bed?”

“This is not going to end well..”

Clicking my helmet into place, I turn back to face Josh and he gives me two thumbs up. The shit I do for him.

Huffing a breath, I go back to the door and punch in the code to unlock the doors to the station's launchpad. We make our way across the catwalk and towards the ATV. I cringe at the creaky sound of the door as I pull it open. Doesn’t help that this echoes throughout the whole chamber.

Slipping inside the ATV, we quickly buckle up and I get to working starting up this metal contraption. Twisting several knobs and flipping different switches, she finally begins purring and I smile. “Hello Celeste.”

“You named it?” Josh questions from the passenger seat beside me.

“When you don’t have friends, you tend to name stuff.”

“Maybe you do need to go to Earth.” Josh says.

The doors begin to open and I drive the vehicle out and onto the red barren terrain of the planet. Dust flies up behind us as I hit the press my foot down on the pedal. Josh whoops and hollers beside him. A grin breaks out on my face as I whip the handle to the right and take off towards the canyons.

“Isn’t this amazing, Jake?!” Josh calls. “You don’t get this on Earth.”

“Well you sort of do,” I say. “Remember learning about the Grand Canyon?”

“Yeah well, this is better.” Josh says, throwing his arms outwards in a dramatic fashion.

“Earth would be better,” I say as I look out over the horizon. Earth looms just about 140 million miles away from here, on a given average. You can see Earth from here. It looks like a blue-ish marble with little white swirls and tiny specks of green. Sometimes I can see it from my cabin window back at the station. I think most people would be amazed to be able to see such a view. But me? I think of it as torture. Constantly mocking me and reminding me that I’m stuck up here.

“Station Zero to V423, come in. Do you copy?”

“Uh oh,” Josh chuckles. “I guess we’ve been caught.”

I reach up to my helmet and press a button on the side. “V423, copy.” I say in a monotone voice.

“Jacob?!” I hear my mother shout.

Josh and I look at each other and he grimaces. I sigh and press the button again. “Yeah Mom, it’s me.”

“Is your brother with you?”

“Yeah.. And don’t worry he’s fine. We both are. Just thought we’d go for a joyride.”

“I specifically told him that he was not to be on that thing.”

“Don’t worry, Mom. I won’t let anything happen.”

“You sure won’t, because you’re coming back this instant.”

Rolling my eyes, I turn the wheel to the left making a u-turn at the edge of a canyon cliff. Josh laughs loudly as he peers over the side and down into the deep canyon. I pull him back inside the vehicle and glare at him.

“I just told Mom that you’re fine. Don’t call me a liar.”

“But that was awesome!” Josh exclaims. “That canyon was so dark down there. I’m thinking maybe a good four thousand meters.”

“How about we not find out.” I say as I press down on the pedal again.

Making it back to the station, I slowly drove the vehicle back into the garage, immediately seeing Mom and two other crew members standing on either side of her. Her arms are crossed over her chest and she has a disapproving look on her face. Better start preparing for an earful now.

Cutting the engine to the vehicle, we unbuckle and disembark from inside. “I cannot believe you two!” Mom shouts once we take our helmets off. “Taking an ATV out at this hour with no supervision?!”

Supervision? What are we–twelve?

“We don’t need supervision,” Josh says.

“Oh? Need I remind you of how many times you’ve crashed one of these?!”

“I had Jake and he was driving. We were perfectly safe,” Josh says as he starts to unzip the back of my suit. “Well, except for driving so close to the edge of the canyon.” He chuckles. I throw my elbow back behind me, effectively jabbing him in his chest.

“You what?!”

“Mom,” I huff. “I was simply making a u-turn and we came close to the edge. Not even close to falling over.”

“Do I need to ban you from these things too?”

“Wouldn't be the first thing that you keep us from..” I grumble as I step out of the suit.

“Cabins. Now.”

“That was so cool!” Josh exclaims as he falls onto my bed.

“You’re supposed to be in your cabin..” I say as I sit down on my desk chair and start to untie my boots.

“That canyon was so deep! I wonder what would be at the bottom of it.”

“I don’t know, and I don’t care.”

“So grumpy.” Jake chuckles.

“Well that’s what happens when you live on a barren planet for almost thirty years and do the same old stuff.” I say. “Now if you don’t mind, please leave so I can change and go to bed.”

Josh climbs off my bed and walks over to me. “We’re making history up here, Jake. Hell, we are history! The first humans born on Mars!”

“As if I hadn’t heard that a thousand times…” I grumble. I go to sit on the bed and look back up at Josh. “I’m going to Earth on the next trip back there.”

“Are you insane?” Josh says. “They won’t ever let you leave, especially Mom.”

“She doesn’t have to know.”

“You can’t sneak on there without someone finding you. Plus it’s a six to eight month trip. Someone’s bound to find you, either alive and dead inside the engine compartment.”

“So what if they find me? Not like they can just send me back right away.”

Josh rolls his eyes and I smirk. “Say you did successfully make it to Earth, they won’t let you leave the base.”

“Well then I guess I’ll just have to sneak out of there too.”

“You are impossible.” Josh says, shaking his head and heading towards the door.

The next trip back to Earth was happening in two days. The crew that came up this time is replacing the current crew who will be heading back to Earth and back to Explore Tech’s base in Southern Texas. I needed to be on the cruiser. I had to leave this place. There was so much more for me to do and I couldn’t do any of it being stuck here.

That night I dreamt about walking along the beach. I didn’t know where exactly in the world that it was but just that it seemed to go on forever, or so it looked. My feet sunk into the sand with each step that I took. I was holding someone’s hand, I didn’t know who, I never saw her face and I couldn’t hear the words she spoke to me but her hand held mine and she rested her head against my shoulder.

And waking up the next morning, I unfortunately went right back to my normal routine. Except this time, I was coming up with a plan to get onto the cruiser. I couldn’t just put myself on the roster and not be caught.

Typing away on my computer, I pull up one of the crew members. A smirk grows on my face and I click on his file.

“Hello, Charles..” I chuckle. “You might be staying here just a little longer..” Within a few minutes, I have a new badge printing. I am going to be in trouble for this.

A message bubble pops up on my screen.

Star: Are you busy?

I click on the message, pulling up the thread before typing back my response.

Voyager: Not really. What’s up?

Star: Perfect. I have a question.

Voyager: You just asked me one.

Voyager: Shut up.

I can’t help but to smile and type back my response. Voyager: Okay, what’s your question?

Star: When am I ever going to meet you?

Voyager: Soon..

Star: You keep telling me that.. How soon is ‘soon’?

Voyager: Just trust me.

Star: Will you ever show me what you look like? So that when you do come to Texas, I’ll know it's you?

Voyager: I’m afraid if I do, you wouldn’t believe me.

Star: Try me.

Voyager: How about I just tell you my name?

Star: I guess that will suffice.

I smile and lean back in my chair and pull the keyboard with me. Voyager: My name is Jake.

Star: Gee, how common.. Come on, for real.

Voyager: I promise you, my name really is Jake.

Star: Last name?

Star: So I can google you.

Voyager: Oh you definitely wouldn’t believe me if you googled my name. You’d be surprised what will show up.

Star: Try me.

Voyager: I still don’t know your name.

Star: Don’t try changing the subject.

Voyager: It’s only fair. I only know you as ‘Star’.

Voyager: Unless that is your name.

Voyager: Then it’s beautiful.

Star: Flirting, are we? 😏

Voyager: Star..

The bubble appeared on the screen as she began to type before it slowly disappeared. It comes back up but disappears again. And then her message finally pops up.

Star: Marlowe, but I prefer Marlie.

Voyager: Last name?

Voyager: So I can google you 😉

Star: Not until you tell me yours.

Voyager: Fair.

Star: So will you?

Voyager: I don’t think so.

Star: You’re so impossible. 🙄

Voyager: So I’ve been told.

My cabin door glides open and I quickly exit out of the message thread and move to the files. “Not coming to breakfast?” Josh says.

“Ever heard of knocking? I don’t barge in on you.”

“Not like you’re doing anything you shouldn’t be. But seriously, come get breakfast with me.”

“Not hungry..”

Josh walks over and leans against the desk with his arms folded across his chest. “Not hungry? Since when?”

“Since breakfast is the same thing every day.”

“Not today!” Josh beams. “They brought up bacon!”

“Whoop–di–do..” I grumble.

“Come on! You love bacon day!”

“Josh, I’m busy..”

“It’s nine in the morning. How are you busy all of sudden?” Star’s message pops up on the screen and I see Josh’s brow lift when he looks at the message. “Who is ‘Star’?”

“No one..” I say as I hide the message.

“Are you talking to someone?” He asks. “Ah! Is it someone here? Into cougars?”

“Shut up,” I say, making him laugh. “And no.. It’s no one here.” I grimace.

“So Earth?” He says. “I’m assuming because her user says ‘Star’ that you don’t know her name?”

“Actually I do,” I say as I sit up and put the keyboard back on the desk and stand up to stretch some. “Her name is Marlie.”

“Ohh, Marlie. Do you know what she looks like?”

“No..”

“Ha!” He laughs and pushes off the desk. “Do you even know if she’s a ‘she’?”

“You have three seconds to leave before I throw you out my window.”

“Fine..” Josh sighs. He walks back over to the door and pushes it open. “I’ll leave, but I’m taking your portion of bacon.”

“No! Just because I’m not hungry now, doesn’t mean I won’t be later.”

“Then you better come and get it..” He says as she slowly steps out of my cabin.

“Touch them and you die.”

“Oooo, first human to be born and die on Mars?” He says. “Definitely making history here.”

______________________________________________________________

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[tieronecrush]

hot & heavy

chapter six: remember when

neighbor!joel x f!reader

series masterlist

series rating: E (18+ MDNI)

series summary:

over the course of three summers, joel miller becomes woven into your life. the first summer is spent falling for him; nannying his daughter and sneaking around with him in a burning love affair. you know how you feel about joel, he isn’t so sure about how it all is gonna work. the second summer is brief. a month spent at home after graduation and before you move to boston for your dream job. one look at you, one time hearing your voice, and joel is hooked again. he pines over you for that month, but you think — how is long distance of over a thousand miles going to work for a single dad? the third summer, you return home burnt out and pride bruised from your post-grad life. you need time to feel at home again, like your complete self, so you’ve come back home with no return ticket booked. it’s only a matter of time before joel seeks you out, slowly spending more time with you. without an inevitable end to the summer looming over you both, what chances are you willing to take?

word count: 7.3k

warnings: NO OUTBREAK (don’t need to worry about the mushies), no use of y/n, inexperienced/virgin reader, age gap (joel is 30/31, reader is 22), canon-divergent (sarah is 7 y/o), nanny au, pet names (sweetheart, darling, sweet girl, mariposa, etc.), polite southern manners (use of sir & ma’am), feeling familial and self-pressure, undefined relationship, mutual masturbation, voyuerism, dirty talk, likely poor spanish grammar, pining joel

One month. Four weeks. Thirty days. 720 hours. 43,200 minutes. 2,592,000 seconds.

No matter what you convert the time to, it doesn’t change the bone-deep ache that you have felt since you found out your start date for your new job in Boston. No matter how you frame it, you will still be living next to Joel for that long before you can put thousands of miles between you two and hopefully, hopefully, have the space you need to get over him.

Three hours and a few hundred miles was not enough. All year you itched to dial his number, to message him, to come to visit your parents for the weekend to catch a glimpse of him or even a short conversation about the weather or the neighborhood.

It was getting pathetic at a certain point, so you deleted his number.

Of course, not before scratching it into a Post-It note that lives in your wallet now.

You knew yourself too well to think that you wouldn’t want it, or need it, one day.

The temptation to reach out grew like a weed the closer it got to move-out day. Maybe he would want to hear from you that you’ll be home, even for a short while, you thought. Sure, your parents have probably mentioned it in passing by now, but is he hurt that you didn’t tell him yourself?

Who are you kidding? He never called, never messaged. Never answered when you did. That night at his house was the last you heard from him.

There were small updates about Sarah from your mom, and mentions of Joel coming over to watch a Texans game from your dad. Whenever you heard his name, your stomach lurched as if jerking back like a sudden, harsh break in a car. Palms sweaty, mind weighed with memories of your summer with him, all of it crashing down into the same heartbreak you felt that final night.

How could he do that after you told him you loved him?

He never said he didn’t feel the same way.

“You alright there, Kiddo? Spaced out there for a good while,” your dad is sitting across from you on the deck, empty dinner plates in front of you while your mom ran inside to grab dessert, “Something on your mind?”

Your vision focuses again, your practiced smile stretching across your face as you nod.

“I’m good, Dad. Just tired from the drive today. And glad to be home, even for a bit.”

“We’re really happy you wanted to stay at home for a bit, too. And I wanna say how proud of you we are, sweet pea. Always knew you were gonna go off somewhere that moves just as fast as you do,” he beams at you, a glistening in his eyes before he turns away, nodding towards the Miller house.

“You heard anything from Joel about babysittin’ while you’re in town? That little Sarah of his asks about you just about every time we see her.”

That pulls a genuine smile to your face, smoothing over the cracks in your heart as the early summer heat relaxes your muscles. Truth is, you would 100% nanny Sarah again if Joel needed the help. She became like a little best friend of yours after spending nearly every day of the summer last year with her. You missed her probably as much as you missed Joel while you were away.

“He hasn’t asked me, but I haven’t seen him since getting back this afternoon. Maybe I’ll try to catch him tomorrow when he gets off work.”

“Oh! Y’know what? He’s gonna be coming over here tomorrow night, you could catch up with little Sarah then. I mentioned you coming home and got to talkin’ to him about all the flowers and vegetables you planted last year and how those damn rabbits kept gettin’ at them, so he offered to come over and help me build some raised beds for you to replant everything in, sweet pea.”

“Joel offered to do that? You’re not paying him?”

“Nope, not a cent. I offered about ten times and he refused each one. Nice guy, that Miller.”

“Yeah…yeah he is a nice guy.”

The rest of the evening you spend on the deck with your parents, talking about what’s been happening in the neighborhood and with family friends. Your brother is meant to be back home at the weekend, having one more final to take at the end of the week before he can fly home for the summer. Once your mom and dad have resigned for the night, you sit out a bit longer and stargaze, enthralled with the vast night sky and shining moon.

It’ll be the same moon you see when you’re a couple of thousand miles away, but it won’t ever be as decorated with stars as you can see now.

The moon and stars aren’t the only things that you think about as you sit under the midnight sky. The conversation with your dad comes back around, replaying the short moment when he said Joel wanted to do something for you, free of charge.

Sure, he might have thought it the neighborly thing to do, but you can’t help but smile at the thought that Joel volunteered himself to do it. Maybe he wanted to see you as much as you wanted to see him.

Nothing could come of this summer though, of this month, even if there were still sparks between you two. You were leaving. Unsure of when you were going to be back. There were no Spring Breaks or Thanksgiving weeks off you could plan for, and your parents had already decided this year’s Christmas was to be spent at your grandparents’ in Wisconsin. You had no plans to be back home soon after moving, and even if you did, a long distance that far rarely works out.

He didn’t even want to make a go of it when you were at school, why would he try when you’re contracted there for at least a year, likely going to be much longer as you gain the experience you craved of being away from Austin and living a big city life?

Unfurling yourself from the deck chair, you shuffle inside and upstairs quietly; the door closes with a soft click behind you, and relief percolates through your body as your eyes adjust to the golden lamplight of your bedroom. There are boxes of your things from school around, not to be unpacked until they’re moved across the country to the Northeast. Your suitcase is flung open on the ground, clothes rummaged through to find something fresh to wear after your shower earlier that day. You approach the luggage again, culling through the mess of fabric to find something to wear to sleep.

Turning toward your bed to climb in, a light in Joel’s window across the way catches your eye. Being back in your room, staring at the single-lit window of the Miller home, crumbles the resolve you had been grasping onto. Memories of waiting for him to retire to his room every night before that first kiss. The image of him standing at the window after he had made you come the first time while you watched him work his fist in quick strokes. His face as he came, playing over and over in your brain with his handprint breaking up the foggy glass. Aching desire heats your core, arousal flooding between your thighs as your body begs for something, anything to relieve itself.

You climb in bed, touching yourself to the thought of him, of your Joel from last summer, picturing him with his head between your legs or his steady, hard thrusts that you branded into your brain. Laid out on top of your bedding, your fingers circle around your clit and spread your wetness on your fingers, and you’re reminded of each time you have found yourself in this position before. This had been the scene in your college bedroom frequently, picturing Joel over you, under you. When you were brave, or drunk enough, to have hookups this year, you caught yourself drifting to the image of him when you closed your eyes. It never felt the same as with him, never as full, never as satisfying.

And at this moment, your fingers thrusting in and out of you weren’t coming even close to any touch of Joel’s on you.

Little did you know, once you settled on your bed and closed your eyes to attempt to see and hear and feel him, Joel came back from grabbing a glass of water downstairs and glanced out his window when he saw a new light on that wasn’t there minutes ago.

His gaze trained on the sliver of you through the opening of your sheer curtains, bare legs with your t-shirt pulled up over your braless chest, and hand beyond the waistband of your underwear. He nearly drops the glass at the sight, his boxers beginning to tent as his blood rushes down. Rolling his shoulders back, he tries to alleviate the tightness that grips them, his arm coming down too quickly and forcefully setting the glass next to his bed. The amp clicks off to cloak him in darkness, to disguise himself as he finds his usual spot from last summer sitting in front of the window with the perfect view of you. Tugging his boxers down just enough to free his stiffening cock, he spits lewdly on his hand, wasting no time with the view he’d got — that he has been dreaming of having again. He fucks himself with his fist, attempting to keep the pace he sees your hand moving at and talking to himself as he has before when he sits in bed thinking about you with his hand around his dick.

The sensation isn’t anywhere close to what he remembers of you, how he felt like you were made as a flawless match for him to fit into. Never had it felt like it did with you last summer, even the one time he had you completely and unabashed was enough to ruin him for the whole time you were away. Nights off on the weekends, while Sarah was at her mom’s, he’d go out with Tommy or some old friends from work. Women would chat him up, he had no idea what they saw in him, but it happened. And no matter how forward they were with him, he could never bring himself to close the deal. No one had been in his bed since you’d stayed the night, no one else had touched him since you.

And with you back, only a mere fifty feet away pleasuring yourself, he was reminded exactly why no one lived up to you. Watching your face as you worked yourself up to bliss, your soft, curved body laid out for him to devour, even without you knowing.

Maybe you did know. You did last year.

He’s brought himself close, so fucking close but he waits, holding out until he sees that face that occupied his mind every time he found himself in this same position.

Filth flows out of his mouth with an attempt to read your lips as they move along with your hand in your panties.

“Missed seein’ you so much, pretty girl. Look so good laid out on your bed…”

None the wiser to what the other was saying, the two of you were talking as if you were together while you both touched yourselves to the image of each other.

“Oh my god, Joel…Missed you so much fucking much…”

“Remember what I did the last time we were in that bed? Had you coming on my fingers, all over my mouth.”

“Thought about you all the time, Joel. Every time I touched myself, even when someone else touched me.”

“Such a naughty girl. Eres una chica muy mala (You are a very naughty girl). Mi diablita…Fuck, got me so fuckin’ close watching you, darlin’.”

“Never felt as good as it did with you…I was fucking pissed that you made my first time that fucking good. Set the bar way too high…”

“Never goin’ to forget those sweet little sounds you made for me. Es música para mis oídos incluso ahora, mi Mariposa. (It is music to my ears even now, my butterfly.)”

“Fuckfuckfuck, please, Joel. Please let me come…”

“Are you going to be my polite Southern belle like last summer? Gonna ask for things nicely if I get to touch you again? You know what that does to me, Mariposa.”

“Please, please may I come, sir?”

“Dámelo, dámelo. Carajo! Podrías por favor acabarme adentro? Por favor, mi cielito? (Give it to me, give it to me. Fuck! Will you please let me come inside? Please, my little heaven?)”

Joel’s head rolls back once he watches your body seize up, your own jaw falling open as you moan. With both yours and his own window open, he can hear the faintest echo of you finishing, and he swears he hears his name mixed into the sounds. His eyes squeeze shut as his cock twitches in his hand, ropes of his warm come coating his fingers as he slows his strokes and catches his breath.

As his head falls forward, he sees you sit up on your bed and glance his way, heart rate immediately picking up again as he sees a pout on your lips.

He really fucking missed you. And you’re leaving again. Across the country.

This month, he wants to spend every second he can get with you. He just hopes that you feel the same way.

The day after, he spent every minute from when he got home til the sun went down helping your dad build the raised garden beds. You had one conversation that was barely a couple of minutes, thankfully alone, before Sarah pulled your attention away and your dad dragged Joel down from the deck to the yard.

“Hey, Joel. Nice to see you again.”

He was pretty sure it was only a nicety that you greeted him, your voice smooth and higher-pitched than you normally talk around him, like the one you use around your elderly neighbors or when he’s seen you on the phone with people outside of your family. It stings a bit, that you’ve put up that wall again around him.

“Glad to have you back, Mariposa. How’ve you been?”

Your gaze darts from him to your feet when he uses your nickname. Arms crossed over your chest, bottom lip worked with your teeth.

He desperately wants to reach out and run his thumb to release your lip, to use his hands to wrap your arms around him.

“Fine, yeah. Been fine…um, how about you? How are you and Sarah?”

“Sarah’s been great. School was good for her this year. No problems with other kids like before, made some new friends. Her report cards were filled with ‘a pleasure to have in class.’ Only got one ‘sometimes is a distraction to other students.’”

Your laugh lifts the corners of his mouth into a genuine smile. God, he missed that sound.

“I can definitely relate to getting those remarks. She’s much more social than I was though, so I can't say I ever got ‘is a distraction’.”

“She is quite the talkative little one, definitely doesn’t get it from me.”

“Definitely not. She’s got your sense of humor though,” you remark as you knock your closed fist gently against his shoulder, dropping it back towards you when his own hand catches it. He holds it in his for a moment, unfurling your fingers to hook your index with his.

“How’re really doin’, Mariposa?” His finger squeezes yours, looking up from your hands loosely joined to meet your eyes.

It’s quiet for a moment; he watches as you search his face, mouth downturned into a soft pout.

“I guess it’s a little — I don’t know…How are you doing really?”

He laughs sadly, shaking his head as he replies lowly, “Haven’t been great, I’ll be honest. I mean, myself. Work’s picked up — I hired a couple more people ‘sides Tommy. Sarah is doing awesome. Should be over the moon…But, just feel like something’s missin’.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. I really—”

You get cut off when Sarah rushes out from inside with your mom on her tail. Joel drops your finger from his, standing up straighter and grinning when Sarah runs right over to you. She pulls you away from Joel, talking your ear off about the school year. The reunion of you two warms his heart, but there’s that aching feeling in his chest still as his thoughts spiral about what you were going to say.

That winding path of thought continued the whole build, glancing over his shoulder every so often to look at you playing happily with Sarah.

After that night, he found little ways to attempt to get you alone again, every time interrupted.

He’d wandered over one evening when you were replanting everything into the garden beds, about to call out to you when your mom came down from the deck to help you out. He was already halfway between your yard and his, so he had to commit to walking over and making small talk about summer produce.

Another time, at the weekend, he’d been spending the afternoon sitting out on his own deck, waiting for Tommy to come over to grill out. Sarah was at her mom’s, so it was only him at home. You were laid out on the hammock in the grassy area of your garden, half in the sun and half in the shade as you swayed side to side slowly. There was a book in your hands, he couldn’t quite make out the title, but when you walked inside, leaving your book to come back for, he’d hopped up quickly and plucked a wildflower from his freshly mulched beds, laying it over your novel and taking note of what you were reading. He’d awkwardly waited a few moments for you to return, but before you could, he heard Tommy pull into his driveway.

The next day on his way to work, he made a stop after dropping off Sarah at the bookstore to pick up his own copy of what you were reading.

The latest time he tried and failed to get you alone was arguably the closest he came to having another conversation with you and arguably the most adorable interruption.

Joel had spent an afternoon hanging a tire swing for Sarah in the backyard while she was out with her Uncle Tommy. It was a surprise for her, something she had been begging for since seeing it in one of the shows she was watching these days. As Joel was finishing up, you walked down the stairs and waved at him on his ladder next to the tree. He called out to you with your name, asking you to come over to help with a favor.

You made your way across the lawns, smiling growing when the tire swing comes into full view.

“You did this yourself? I would have helped you.”

Joel chuckled as he climbed down the ladder and met you next to the swing, a playfully creased brow looking at you incredulously.

“Darlin’, you are very sweet but gotta be honest with you — I think I would end up doin’ it all myself anyways.”

You feign offense, a hand up to your chest as you gasp, “That is so not true! I would help. You would be the control freak you are and not let me do anything.”

His eyes narrow at you as you look at him smugly, shaking his head as he breaks into a quiet laugh again.

“Got me there,” he pats the rubber of the tire, nodding his head toward it, “I’m asking for your help now. Gotta test this thing, you wanna try it?”

“And break my neck potentially?”

“Oh, c’mon. Thought you would wanna be a part of the fun,” he grins and looks at the swing before turning back to you, “Does this make you feel better about swinging on it?”

Joel climbs onto the bottom end of the round tire, feet holding himself up and bouncing his knees to test the strength of the knot and rope.

“Actually, yes. Move it, Miller.”

He happily gets off of the swing, offering you a hand to help you up. You slide toward the side he’s standing on, his hands reaching out quickly to hold your thigh steady and push you back up the swing. His touch lingers on your smooth skin, fingertips dancing along and creating goosebumps in their wake. Finally, he brings his hand to your hip and meets your eyes, tongue darting out to lick his lips.

“Y’know what we were talkin’ about the other day?”

“Yeah? You mean when I was asking how you were doing?”

“Mhmm…I, um, I wanted to tell you that I missed you. And I know it’s really fucking selfish to say it cause I’m the one that asked to leave it all behind at the end of the summer but…I really missed you, mi Mariposa.��

“Joel, I—I don’t really know what to say. I did mi—”

“Daddy! Is that a tire swing? That’s so cool!”

Sarah speeds down the steps and across the grass to the tree in the corner of the lot. Joel’s hands leave you to scoop her up and sit her on his hip, easily carrying her despite how much she’s growing.

“It is indeed. All for you, Bug,” he smiles widely, nodding toward it with you still sitting there, “You wanna try it with Mariposa, mija?”

“Yes! Yes, please!” Sarah reaches out for the rope and Joel sets her on your lap facing you. Sarah wraps her legs around you, holding tightly onto the rope. You look at Joel, the faintest smile tugging at your lips over the interruption as Sarah looks back over her shoulder, grinning wildly.

“Give us a push, Daddy!”

“Yes, ma’am,” he says with a salute and a chuckle. Placed on either side of your thighs where you’re sat on the swing, Joel’s fingers brush against your exposed skin and the hem of your frayed denim shorts. He watches as goosebumps raise on your skin, biting back a smirk as he starts to walk the swing forward with a push, jumping out of the way as he lets go. Sarah giggles loudly and you laugh along with her, throwing your head back as the breeze rustles the leaves above you, rays of soft evening sunshine peeking through the branches and dancing across the two of you.

It is an absolute vision, seeing his two favorite girls having fun together, and it’s an interruption he was glad to have.

“Sarah, mija, we live in Texas. Disney World is about eighteen hours away, even if we did leave right this minute it would take a very long time to get there. And I have to work, Bug. Maybe we can plan something for next year, alright? ” Joel is crouched in front of Sarah, her brows knitted together and arms crossed with an angry pout on her face.

“But Emily’s family is going today and we wanted to go together! Next year is so far away,” she whines with a stomp of her foot, and Joel resigns with a sigh.

“I understand that you wanted to go when Emily was going. But we can’t just pick up and go, Bug. Takes a lot of planning — I would have to find us someplace to sleep, get tickets, pack up suitcases for us. I can’t do it in one day by myself, mija. I promise I will take you,” he brushes her curls out of her face and gives her an apologetic smile, “How about I plan a trip to the beach for us for the end of summer? That would be fun, wouldn’t it?”

“I don’t wanna go to the beach! We go all the time, I wanna go to Disney! And see Mickey and Minnie and Ariel and Jasmine.”

“Well, I’m sorry, mija, but it can’t happen this summer.”

Sarah stomps again, turning on her heel and running upstairs as she shouts behind her, “That’s not fair! You’re being mean, Daddy!”

Her tiny frame pushes hard to slam her door close. Joel stays at the bottom of the stairs, rubbing his hands over his face with a deep sigh. He hates disappointing his daughter, but there is no way he could swing a trip this summer. With business picking up, he needs to be around more than ever. It would be a struggle to take time off to go to the beach even, but he makes a note to plan for something at the end of the summer to get some time with Sarah before the school year.

He returns to the kitchen, continuing to clean up from lunch and making the grocery list to get the shopping done tomorrow morning. It’s been about thirty minutes of Sarah moping in her room, and he decides to attempt to mend the rift with a promise of ice cream later tonight after dinner.

Joel climbs the stairs and knocks on Sarah’s door, calling out for her, “Mija? Can I come in?”

Silence.

She must still be upset if she’s ignoring him.

“I’m sorry we can’t go to Disney, Bug…I’m gonna come in, okay?” He twists the knob and pushes the door open, eyes finding her bed where he expected her to be laying. She’s not there.

His eyes comb the rest of her room, and she’s not anywhere.

Inside his chest, his heart rate starts to pick up in a simmering panic. Moving quickly, he checks under her bed and in the closet, two of her hide-and-seek spots. Nothing again.

“Sarah? Where are you, mija?”

He continues to call out her name as he searches upstairs in his own room, the guest room, and the bathroom.

She is nowhere.

And she’s not anywhere in the rest of the house either.

He is officially in a full-on panic now, reaching for his cell phone in his pocket and dialing Tommy’s number, asking him to come over and help him find her.

He can’t bear to wait as long as it takes Tommy to get over to the house, and he knows he needs help with the way his brain is going to the worst-case scenario. He attempts to take deep breaths to calm himself as he grabs his keys and slips on his shoes, jogging across his front lawn and to your front door. He knocks and rings the bell, hands shaking with worry as he prays that you’re home and that you answer the door.

“Okay, okay, I’m coming. Christ, who the hell is ringing the bell like that?” you grumble to yourself as you pad across the tile in the entryway, brushing your hair back behind your ears and unlocking the deadbolt to pull the door open.

On your porch is Joel who turns at the sound of the threshold opening, eyes filled with dreadful frenzy. His foot taps quickly on the wood underneath it, keys jingling in his hands as he shakes all over.

“Hey, Joel. What’s going on?” Your eyes softened with concern, standing up straight as you wait for his answer.

“Have you, um, have you seen Sarah? She was just at home with me twenty minutes ago, but she wasn’t happy with me telling her we couldn’t go to Disney today to meet her friend’s family so she went up to her room and when I went to go check on her, she wasn’t there and wasn’t anywhere in the house and—”

Reaching out your hand, you squeeze his bicep to cut him off. Your hand rubs up and down as you speak calmly.

“It’s alright. We’ll find her. Gimme two seconds, just gotta go shut off the oven and get some shoes on, okay?”

“Okay, yeah. Thank you.”

You give his arm a gentle pat and nod shortly, a tight but comforting smile on your face.

“Don’t worry. She’s around here, and we’ll find her in no time.”

He nods over and over as if trying to let the words sink in. You feel tethered to him, painfully pulling away from him in this state to run to the back of the house and shut off the oven, taking out the banana bread you were making. Running back up front, you slip into sandals and grab your keys off the table in the entry, closing the door behind you. You lay a hand on Joel’s shoulder, rubbing slow circles as you lay out a plan with him.

“I can start walking through yards to see if I can spot her. Do you wanna stay at home in case she comes back?”

“No, no, Tommy’s on his way over, he can wait there when he gets here. I don’t think I could just sit there right now,” his hands move up to cover his face, pulling down on the skin as he curses to himself.

“Joel, hey, it’s okay. It’ll be alright,” you squeeze your arms around him in a brief hug, standing back and pulling his hands from his face to look him in his glossy eyes.

“Think you can drive right now?” he nods in response before you continue, “Alright, you hop in your truck. Start driving all the streets in the neighborhood. I’ll walk everyone’s backyards to see if she slipped into anyone’s gardens or something, okay? Sound like a plan?”

“Yeah, yeah. I can do that,” he nods repeatedly again, standing frozen on your porch out of fear. You walk him over to his car, waiting in his driveway as he reverses out, pulling away down the street and driving at a snail’s pace while he moves his head back and forth to search for her.

Starting with your neighbor’s house on the other side of the Millers’, you stalk through the yards, calling out Sarah’s name and asking anyone who’s outside if they’ve seen her. You’ve made an entire loop in another thirty minutes through your street and the immediately surrounding streets, with no sight of Sarah. You make your way back towards your own house to start another loop, popping into your backyard on the off chance she made it there without you noticing during your search.

Next to the flowers in your raised beds, you see a mop of kinky curls and a bright blue t-shirt with a Rocket Power backpack slung over her shoulders. Relief settles in your stomach and you immediately pull out your phone, dialing the number you had added back into your contacts after that first conversation with him this summer.

“Hey, did you find her?” It’s the fastest he’s ever spoken to you, and it makes your heart rate pick up again with the amount of alarm that is laced in his voice.

You speak calmly, trying to placate any more anxiety, “Looking at her as we speak. She’s in my backyard. I’ll keep her here until you get back.”

He gives you another thank you before hanging up, your cell phone returned to your pocket as you walk over to the youngest Miller.

“Hey, Sare-Bear. What’re you doing out here, sweet pea?” You approach her with a genuine smile, kneeling down next to her as she stands at the boxes her dad built for you. His small fingers brush over some flowering buds, shrugging and looking over at you.

“Hi, Posey. I wanted to come and see your pretty flowers,” you reach a hand up and rub her back soothingly, nodding slowly in understanding.

“They are pretty, aren’t they? Your dad was so kind to build these for me so that the bunnies don’t eat them all,” you look over at her, her own stare still focused on the plants in front of her, “Does your dad know you came over here, Sarah?”

She looks over at you quickly, guilt painted across her face. She shakes her head in a silent answer, and you nod back.

“I figured…He told me you ran away after you got upset. What happened, sweet pea?” you maneuver to sit cross-legged on the grass, and Sarah immediately sits in your lap still facing the flower beds. She shrugs and plays with the bracelet on your wrist before answering.

“My best friend Emily is at Disney World with her family and I asked Daddy if we could go today to meet them cause I really wanna go with her. He said we couldn’t and that I would have to wait until next year to go to Disney,” she pouts and curls up into you, reaching to pull out a blade of grass from the ground to toy with in her hands.

Your arms wrap around her and rub her back, “That is really frustrating. I understand why you got upset, sweet pea. Sometimes it really stinks that you can’t do everything your friends do. But, if there’s one thing I know about your dad, is that he would do anything for you that he could. It would be really tough for him to take off work so last minute and be able to get you guys there. He would do it if he could, Sare-Bear. I know he would.”

“And if you two plan a trip for next summer, your dad can make sure you get to go all the places in the park you wanna go. And he could find a hotel with a pool. Oh, and you could make a plan to meet all your favorite characters. Wouldn’t that be fun?”

She starts to smile wider in your lap, nodding quickly, “I want you to come with us. I think my daddy would like that, too. He always talks about you..” She trails off into a ramble about her favorite characters as you sit there and listen, thinking about the off-handed comment about Joel talking about you.

Joel pulls the key out of the ignition after parking the truck in his driveway, jumping out of the car and leaving the door wide open as he runs around the side of his house to yours. Displeasure laminates over him, buzzing his nerves as his steps bound heavy underneath him. He stands in the middle of the grass, looking at you two from behind with Sarah curled up on your lap. She’s giggling and listening to you speak about something, a flower pruned off of its stalk and handed to his daughter from you. The sight makes his anger falter, Sarah’s soft laughter and your voice returning his body to a copacetic state. He continues toward the two of you, breaking into a light jog when you glance over your shoulder and see him.

“Sarah Elena!”

He watches her eyes widen as she peeks over your shoulder at him, hiding her face in your neck. He rounds where you’re sat in the grass, squatting down to be eye level with you. You send him a pursed smile, only one side of your mouth lifted as your hand runs over Sarah’s back.

“Mija, can I please see your beautiful face?”

“No, I don’t want you to yell at me, Daddy,” Sarah speaks into your neck, her voice muffled as she wraps herself closer to you.

“Oh, Bug, I won’t yell at you. I promise,” his hand lays over yours on her back, a grateful smile when you drop yours and he takes its place rubbing gentle circles, “I only want to tell you that I am sorry we can’t go to Disney World today, or this summer. I know it’s a bummer, but Daddy can’t take off work that easily…”

“You really scared me when I couldn’t find you today, mija. I love you so very much and I want you to be safe at all times, and leaving without telling me isn’t very safe, is it?”

Sarah shakes her head slowly, twirling the flower you gave her in between her fingers.

“It was really scary for me, and Uncle Tommy, and Mariposa. I had to get their help to find you. We just love you all so much, we want you to be safe, yeah?”

“I love you, so unbelievably much, mi alma. You can be mad at me whenever you feel that way, but please don’t go anywhere without telling me. You can even come to see Mariposa whenever she’s around, all I need is for you to ask me first, okay?”

Sarah unfurls from her spot on your lap, standing and closing her arms around Joel’s neck. He scoops her up as he stands, holding her close and squeezing her gently.

“I”m sorry, Daddy. I didn’t mean to scare you. I was just sad and upset and wanted to come play with Posey to feel better.”

Joel pulls back and looks at her with a soft smile, nodding.

“Thank you for the apology, mija. I love you.” He kisses her forehead and she grins, kissing his cheek.

“Love you too, Daddy,” she looks back at you as you stand, Joel’s eyes following hers to lock with your own gaze, “Posey was talking to me about going to Disney World next summer. And I told her all my favorite characters that I would want to meet.”

Sarah looks back at Joel, a wide smile on her face as she asks excitedly, “Can Posey come with us on our trip next year, Daddy?”

Joel stutters, looking at you as his eyes widen, attempting to find a means to explain yours and his situation-ship to an eight-year-old. You step forward with an exaggerated pout, rubbing Sarah’s arm as she stays perched in Joel’s arms.

“I wish I could, sweet pea, but I’m gonna be living pretty far away soon. I have to get a big adult job like your Daddy has, so I don’t know if I could make it. But never say never, if you still want me to come, you let me know,” your smile dazzles in the evening light, your open-ended response making Joel’s chest feel lighter. Maybe you do see a future with him, somehow.

“I have to move in a couple of weeks for my adult job, but I would love to hang out with you whenever you want, Sare-Bear. You just come knocking or have your Daddy call me, alright? I should be getting inside, it’s nearly dinner time and it’s my turn to cook tonight. Y’all should get inside before the mosquitoes come out hungry.” You laugh softly and Joel echoes it, his eyes glued to you with a soft smile.

Tommy comes out then onto the porch, calling out to Joel and Sarah, sending you a friendly wave.

“Sarah, how about you head inside with Uncle Tommy? I’ll be right behind you, just gotta talk to Mariposa about something.” He sets her down and bites back a wild smile when she gives you a hug before running back home up to her Uncle, the two of them retreating inside.

He turns back to you, silence falling between the two of you.

You're the first to break it, nearly squirming under his stare and his silence.

“I’m sorry if that was overstepping to invite her to come over when she wants, I just, I did really miss her when I was at school, and I thought—”

“It’s okay, sweetheart. More than okay,” he steps forward, nearly second-guessing his movements but telling himself that he needs to quit stalling with you. His arms wrap around your waist, pulling you against his chest tightly with a squeeze, his head resting on your shoulder.

“Thank you. That doesn’t even begin to cover it, but that’s all I can say right now. Thank you, darlin’.”

Arms around his neck, they tighten with his sincerity, your voice breathing hot whisps of air against his ear, “You don’t have to thank me, Joel. I would do anything for Sarah in a heartbeat. I’d do anything for you in a heartbeat.”

“I know. I’m just really grateful that you still have room for her in your life, and that she has someone like you around. Even for a bit…” He stands up, picking his head up from your shoulder to look down at you. His hand reaches to caress your jaw, toying with his bottom lip between his teeth before he speaks lowly, “I’m glad you’re still in my life, even if it looks different from how it was before.”

“I’m glad you’re still in my life, too. Every time we’ve been alone and get interrupted by someone or something, I have been trying to tell you that I really missed you this year, Joel. And I know I’m leaving soon, and we’re gonna be right back where we were, but I needed to tell you.”

“I want every second of time with you that you can give me, mi Mariposa. I want to be with you before you leave, even if you only can spare little moments,” his thumb brushes back and forth on your jaw, eyes dropping to glance at your lips before he brings his gaze back to yours.

“Deal. I’m yours for the month, cowboy,” you grin up at him and he matches the expression, raising his eyebrows at the nickname.

“Cowboy, huh?” His other hand finds the small of your back, rubbing slow circles as he presses you closer to him.

“Mhmm. Gonna be trying out some nicknames for you. Especially since now you and your daughter have given me one.”

“‘M sorry she has picked up on that…It is pretty cute, though.”

“It is extremely adorable. She may have said you always talk about me.” You wink and laugh louder, his own head shaking as heat creeps along the back of his neck.

“She’s always telling my secrets…” he licks his lips, a sheepish smile turning more confident as he looks down at you, “But she certainly wasn’t lying. Missed you a lot, Mariposa.”

“Missed you too, Joel…So are you gonna kiss me or not?”

He breathes out a laugh, shaking his head as he leans in, whispering as his lips ghost against yours, “Todavía eres mi diablita (Still, you are my little devil).”

He punctuates his sentence with a slow kiss, his body falling into muscle memory as he deepens it with you, groaning softly as his tongue melds with yours and the taste of you hits him again after so long without it. His hand greedily paws at your curves, desperate to hold onto the moment, and you, for as long as he can. When you pull away for a breath, his head follows you, planting a kiss on the corner of your mouth and along your jaw all the way down your neck.

“Alright, alright, don’t want to get caught making out with you in the middle of our yards,” you push at his shoulders and he separates from you with a huff of annoyance, lips tingling and mirroring your own kiss-swollen pout.

“See you tomorrow? You could come over, Sarah’s gonna be gone for the day with her mom.”

You nod and lean up, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, cowboy. Text me whenever you’re free.”

“Expect a text at 6 A.M. then. Don’t wanna waste a second that I could have with you,” he kisses you again, hands finding your ass and squeezing it teasingly.

“Well, you’re gonna be waiting for a few hours then, sir, 'cause I am not waking up that early. Even for you,” you drag your nails along his shoulders through the fabric of his t-shirt, “Goodnight, Joel. I’ll see you in the morning. Not at 6 A.M.”

He laughs lightly, nodding as he smiles sweetly, “Yes, ma’am. I’ll call you tomorrow, yeah?” He gives you one last kiss before he sends you on your way up to your house, watching you make it inside, that familiar stirring in his stomach making his limbs feel featherlight.

taglist: @beskarandblasters @undrthelights @swiftispunk @joelsversion @clingontolife @elizabeth01585 @wandaandellie @asirenbyanyothername @ellenmunn @ja-ehyun @livinxdeadxgrl @sw33tp1xie @starsandsaints07 @marisemonteiroo @brunetteeras @whydontyoysaynodoja @beee-haw @shmaptainshmerica07 @jenna-mcgraw19 @whore-4-pedro @spursgirl14-blog @katifefe @joelmillerswifu @itsgiorgiaz @soph55 @grapejuicesny @wild-hearts-runfree @youcancallmeelle @lisa-ru @jupitren @ziggy-star @miaispunk @oneofutoo @starkovli @thatgeminigirlx @marchai @bunnyskisses @houseofballoonsth @casual-obsessions @pedro-pascal-lvr @bimbodolls-world @burningnerdchild @tuquoquebrute @mrsvedder12 @estelivi28 @helllsent @bongsrconfusing @addictedtotlou @brittmb115 @angie2274 @owod3 @pedrostories @pedroholicx @theelishad @johnwatsn @sunakochansama43 @elissaaa @felicityofbakerstreet @atinylittlepain

[percygranate]

Hey, so I usually don't ever ask people for money, but I am kind of at the end of my abilities and cried too much today to care about it anymore:

My dog, who I rescued in Croatia in 2017 after he was found eating dirt in the forrest, Lu, is turning 8 years old next mont. He is the sweetest and softest fur baby, and look like an ice bear. He never ever has been in a fight with another animal and thinks everyone, no matter the species, is his best friend.

He is also my best friend, and I initially adopted him after starting therapy after moving out of home for Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, and C-PTSD, which had me not leave the house for years. He is my best friend in fur and helped me to get back out into the world again after it had been nothing but awful to me.

I fixed myself, fixing Lu, when nobody wanted him and nobody wanted me.

For two months now he has been dealing with severe hip and back issues. It started abruptly, with him no longer wanting to play and be on long walk, suddenly struggling to get up, and as something our vet called “just a little muscle inflammation” and a one-week medication treatment that cost us 150€.

Lu felt better for 1 1/2 weeks and even started playing a little again before the pain came back. This time, we paid 100€ for a milder medication as the vet did wanna put him again on those string monster pills he was on before as it would’ve damaged his system. I gave him those pills every day (he, by now, is such good boy at taking them) and he did again better for a 1/2 week without daily medication.

Again, he couldn't get up, started crying at night, is no longer is able to sleep in my bed, no longer lay on his back, and he only lays on the floor, trying not to get up and walk around as he is in pain, he no longer plays… So we went to the vet again.

This time, we paid 80€ for a few of the strong medications he got in the first place. Diagnosis: “Old boy. Arthritis. Inflamed hip.” We were meant to give him two of those pills on days he is struggling more than the by now basic.

Two days ago, I was on a walk with Lu, just leaving my apartment complex, when he collapsed for the first time and fell down in the middle of a crosswalk. There was no chance of him getting up. Car drivers hated us, and I bagged for minutes that he would try getting up.

After I nearly started crying, he finally forced himself up, walked a few meters, and fell again. It was like his hips just couldn't carry him anymore. Watching him to try forcing himself up but struggling so badly is something that kills me every time I see it, but I am used to it by now, sadly.

He finally got up after 30 minutes and we walked home. I gave him his pills and after a nap we ran around pretty well, even the next day he was doing so much better. I should've not thought this was over.

Today my boyfriend took him on a walk. The same thing happened, but this time Lu screamed out in pain first. This time there was no getting up. Even after my boyfriend called me and I ran over in my pajamas as Lu is known to be a mama’s boy.

We called our vet, who told us we needed to go to the animal hospital. The animal hospital told us they would charge us roughly 2500€ for an X-ray and have Lu there overnight and treated.

The secretary from the animal hospital told us we were not allowed to pay it back at monthly rates when we asked.

We asked why it was so expensive; she replied, “We are the only ones doing this in the city, so we can choose our prices as we see fit.”

We asked how other people could afford that, crying in the middle of the street as our dog still lay there, unable to walk or even get up, and she told us, “Everyone can afford that.”

When my boyfriend told her he needed to talk to me about it, she replied, “Yeah, sure. Just call us if you actually need and want our help.”

I am disabled, suffering from Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Sympton, am in the middle of getting a POTS diagnosis, and have Autism and ADHD. I am physically due to the chronic pain not able to work. I don't have that kind of money to just whip out like it is nothing.

For my boyfriend, this kind of money is more than his monthly loan.

There is no worse feeling than when your pet is in pain and needs to be medically treated, but you can't get them the help they need because YOU do not earn enough.

We cried and tried to get up Lu for an hour before calling my mother, who I am low contact with as she emotionally abused my for decates and is part of the reason I have C-PTSD. She drove us the a Animal Hospital outside the city, as they were the last suggestion our vet could give us and the told us they would charge less for the same kind of help and work.

There, we were prepared to pay the 300€ to have Lu no matter how, even if we needed to/manage to have my mother borrow it to us.

The vet was amazing, seeing the problem the moment Lu finally stood up and walked for the first time.

His hips are fucked, probably the back too, and he has Arthritis. But right now, they can't do any of the X-rays because first his fever and inflammation need to go down.

Today we paid 100€, Lu got a big shot, and for the first big pain and fever, starting tomorrow, he will regularly take two of those initially given strong pills once a day so he hopefully can have the x-rays next week.

My dog was mentally a puppy jumping around like a little deer until this started. He always wanted to play, always ran around and did something. This took all the joy in life for him.

I’m asking for help to pay for the X-ray and whatever treatment will follow for Lu after.

https://www.paypal.me/percygranate

UPDATE:

Today we had the X-Ray appointment and paid 352€

Hips and back are okay.

BOTH OF LU’S KNEES ARE FUCKED.

Cruciate Ligament Rupture & the knee joints are fucked.

The operation will be a two timer and cost us 4000€

I am currently not able to tell you how I am going to pay this. I barely managed to pay the X-rays today.

I amcurrently not even in possession of a life insurance that could help my dog if I kick it. /ifywim

Again:

I am BEGGING, if you have even a euro or dollar or whatever to spare, please help me.

https://www.paypal.me/percygranate

(paypal also uses my deadname, so please ignore that)

[thisnameisnotspokenfor]

I updated the part I wrote yesterday

I'd like to see @cloudfilledpillow take a picture of this one

“Hey Cepheus-,” she called, over the sounds of the nearing musicians. 

“Hmm?” 

“If you had to rate Rosas on a scale of 1 to 10 stars, with one being the worst and 10 being the best, where would you place it?”

He quirked a brow. “Rate Rosas? On what exactly? Because if we’re talking about the interior design of your castle, I’m going to need a number much lower than 1-,”

“No, no, no silly, I’m talking about in terms of the people, the architecture, the culture and community, you know things like that. How would you rate it?”

“Hmm,” he rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Well, I’ve only been here for a few days, but all things considered, I do enjoy your food, and your people are rather pleasant-,” he paused, waving to a small crowd of admiring girls. “So all in all, I think I’d give it seven me’s.”

“Seven you’s-,” she’d paused, scowling at the star’s wordplay. “only seven?!”

“I think seven is a very good number-,”

“But why not ten?! Isn’t Rosas perfect? I mean look at it!” she motioned to the island in the distance. “A lot of people live here, we don’t pay taxes, which is honestly amazing. We’re progressive, How in the world isn’t that perfect?:

“I should be the one asking you that,” he started as he’d leaned against the ship’s nearby hull. “After all, I wouldn’t be here to grant a ‘wish for more’ if this place was that perfect.”

“...Fine so maybe it’s not perfect! But that doesn’t mean that it’s not great for what it is and shouldn’t be around for centuries to come, right?!”

The star halted in his tracks, briefly staring at her thoughtfully before speaking, “You know Asha, if I didn’t know any better, I’d nearly be tempted to think that you’re trying to convince me to stay here” he teased as she quickly shook her head. “Maybe we could even live together! How does that sound?

“There is no way I’m going to let any man who isn’t my husband live with and annoy me, so no Cepheus. That is not happening.”

“You’d let your husband annoy you?” Cepheus asked, looking stunned. “What has the prince done to earn that honor?”

“The prince? You think I’d ever have a chance with the prince?” she asked before her expression soured. How was the prince supposed to love her, when he couldn’t even trust her? He couldn’t even use her lack of powers as an excuse, as he’d had no problem getting Dahlia involved. He’d even brought her and the others back a gift during his time in exile, something he’d failed to give her, unless she’d counted the manuscripts. Sorry, his manuscripts.

“Whatever,” she snapped, forcefully pushing away both the star and her unhappiness as she continued to make her way through the crowd. Who the prince decided to gift was none of her business. 

“Asha?” Cepheus called, following after her as she heard Valentino pleat. “Asha wait up, where are you going?”

“Here,” she answered,  pointing to two spare crates that had served as seats. 

“Are you cold?” Cepheus had asked, taking a seat next to her as she pulled her father’s journal out of her satchel, fully intent on putting herself to work as soon as possible.

“Not yet,” she sighed, shivering at a passing sea breeze. 

“Here,” He hummed, simply waving his hand as she felt all the dampness of her clothes disappear as a few large water droplets formed near her feet. “Is that better?”

“Yes, thank you,” She nodded, a little shocked at how quickly he’d done it as he quietly shrugged off his cape, placing it within his lap before he pulled out a pair of sewing needles.

“What are you doing?”

“Fixing the cape,” he replied as he quickly threaded the needle. “Pity it couldn’t burn more so I could remake it from scratch, but I suppose I’ll have to make do with the damage that has been done.”

“You’d really remake it from scratch if it had been burnt?”

“Of course! Any alteration to this would be an upgrade! It’s so short! Where is the elegance?!” he cried, dramatically holding it up for her to see. “The prestige?! The flair?!”

Her eye twitched. “Cepheus this is a cape for a peasant-,”

“And another thing I’ll have to add to the list of sins for Rosas,” he shook his head disapprovingly before he resumed sewing. 

Asha sighed, but she knew better than to argue with the star on the matter of capes as a voice called, “Cepheus!” 

Abigail and her friends quickly came into view, pushing through the crowd.

“Are you two alright?!” Abigail started.

“We heard someone was trying to assassinate you!” Mizuki cried.

“It’s not the same girl who you were telling us couldn’t make happy right?” Maria demanded. “Because if it is this just makes her tasteless and stupid!”

“Ha ha,” Cepheus shook his head. “No no, it wasn’t her.”

“Then who was it?” Mizuki asked as the crowd of girls held their breath.

“I’m not sure,” he confessed. “They were wearing hoods, so it was hard to see their faces.”

Moireach pushed forward, a fiery look of determination in her eyes as she spoke, “Well…I come from a long line of warriors! I swear if you want or need someone to avenge you, I’m your girl!”

“Really?” Cepheus asked, looking visibly impressed. “You would do that for me?”

Moireach fervently nodded as the other girls shook their heads. “All you would need to do is ask!”

“You honor me, my lady,” Cepheus grinned as he gently took her hand. “I am forever in your debt.”

Ugh, Asha was starting to get dizzy now as rolling your eyes while on a ship had admittedly not been one of her brighter moments.

But unfortunately for her, the amount of Cepheus’s admirers surrounding them would only increase bringing with them their families and any curious onlooker. 

To her it was nearly bizarre, watching as they’d all willingly congregated towards the creature that they’d soon learned their future monarch willingly slaughtered. perhaps it was A subtle awakening of their powers that often lay beneath the surface, as she’d once recalled hearing the king say. 

But whatever it was had seemingly left the crowd fixated on the star as she’d soon found herself at the foot of a respectably sized crowd. One that Asha would blame for the difficulty she’d faced while trying to read her father’s journal.

“You have such a beautiful accent,” a beautiful young woman commented, who from the looks of things was probably one of the new arrivals. “And you speak so well, where are you from?”

Oh please, his accent hadn’t been that pleasing to the ears! She rolled her eyes before she struggled to translate the star’s following response as he’d spoken in the girl’s language. “You flatter me-” Had he said flatter or flatten? “I come from a galaxy”-a land-far far away- what?! What was that supposed to mean?!- “I’d had…to study your language…I couldn’t pass on, not when it had given me the opportunity to-....with…enchanting…yourself.”

She was certain there’d been more that she’d failed to translate as he’d continue too fast for her to comprehend, but whatever it had been was enough to please the woman as she and the star had stared at each other like they’d been the only ones on the boat.

Relief had filled her as the young woman had eventually introduced her friends who’d more or less exchange a few pleasant words with him, but the results were still the same. 

“For someone who’s never been here before, you certainly know how to speak all of those languages fluently” she noted as the crowd had turned its attention elsewhere.

“Thank you, Asha,” he smiled, completely oblivious to the suspicion that had laced her tone. “Would you like to know the secret?”

Her curiosity got the better of her as she replied,  “Let me guess…magic?”

“Nope,” He laughed, pointing towards his head, “science.”

Her eye twitched again as she crossed her arms, “...You just like to amuse yourself, don’t you?”

“Amuse myself?” the star frowned as he’d adjusted the cape that lay within his lap. “Why would I need to amuse myself when I have you?”

She should’ve known that the star was just joking. He probably hadn’t meant anything by it, but the words had slipped from her lips without thinking, “Is that all I am to you?” she asked, feeling her fingers claw at the wooden crate beneath her. “Just amusing?” 

[jokeringcutio]

DRABBLE/ AMNESIA!READER X THE GRABBER [PART 2]

Fandom: Black Phone 2022 Pairing: The Grabber/ Albert Shaw x Reader Rating: Mature (with explicit follow ups) Warnings: Talk of Innocent Reader, Corruption/Innocence Kink, Cursing, Fear of death, Daughter of Friend! Reader, Villains!Thoughts, Kidnapping, Amnesia!Reader, age gap/ older man/younger woman. AN: Want to be tagged in Albert Shaw/Grabber posts? Let me know and I will tag you in new updates.

[ Click here for Part 1 ]

->

It was not supposed to go like this. Albert huffed, heavily irritated by the way his recent catch had gone, and nearly smashed the bottle of soda on the kitchen counter before he turned around to look for the bottle opener to take off the lid.

While he stood bent, rummaging through the nearly empty but still messy kitchen drawer, his mind raced to the recent events. He had read about head trauma. He’d not thought he’d experience a case like yours though.

Sure, one of the previous boys had hit his head pretty badly when Albert had thrown him into the van after being sprayed with helium gas. But it had been a flesh wound, nothing too bad. When the boy awoke he still had enough spirit and sense left to try and fight him.

This, however, was a different matter. You hadn’t seemed frightened by him or your surroundings at all. Not even the mask had managed to make you feel unsettled. And you’d even sucked his thumb, as if it were his dick he pressed between those luscious lips of yours. And goddamn, if he didn’t want to ravish your mouth right now. But he had to push the thought of forcing his cock down your throat to the back of his mind. He had to calm himself, had to remain sensible, and think about his next move.

He was startled, caught unguarded by your response to waking up in his basement. It seemed to change the game for him. You really must have hit your head hard when he threw you into the back of his van. This had never happened before.

You weren’t his first rodeo. You were his third girl. After six boys. He was on a roll. Yet, he’d never had one of his catches bump their head hard enough to cause a concussion.

And he’d never had any of them forget to be scared. How was he to react to that?

He remembered when he had switched to girls. A nice change from the naughty boys he had caught before. He was upping his game, he knew it. But he had expected much more of a fight, like with the girl before you. Oh, she’d had much spirit. She’d been his perfect practice target, strong enough to fight back, eager enough to be beaten by his belt until she could fight him no longer.

He had originally planned to take another girl next, a pretty and random thing. But then you had come to help him and the chance had been too good to pass.

In hindsight, the game had been different from the start when it came to you. It was tricky, taking you. You were special, always had been to him. He'd seen you as a child, watched you grow into a teenager, and blossom into the young woman you now were.

He doubted you’d ever truly seen him, or that you would remember him from your short encounters. He’d mostly been admiring you from afar after all. Or from pictures shown to him by your proud dad.

Oh yes, you were a tricky target because he knew your father very well. They were in the same club of friends, supported the same football team, and sometimes went to the same gym together. Just men together, hanging out, drinking beer. He was a family friend, in a way. A man who had hungered for you for years.

That made you sort of special.

And now he had to act as if he hadn’t just knocked out his friend’s daughter. As if he hadn’t brought her home and locked her up in his basement to use for his primal pleasure.

“She better not be dead when I return for her,” he grunted angrily while he popped the bottle open. “She’d better not be dead.”

He wanted his fun first, most of all. And he wanted to fulfill that aching need he felt in the low pit of his stomach. You had been on his mind day and night. Too innocent, his mind squeaked at him. Too darn innocent, it hurt his cock just thinking of you flaunting in your nice summer dresses, showing a bit too much skin, smiling a bit too brightly at the neighboring kids, helping out at the local community center. Too damn innocent.

He needed to be inside of your cunt, and soon. He needed to corrupt all that was good about you.

He took a big gulp from the bottle, uncaring that he had promised the drink to you, then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and grunted. He felt his stiff erection press against the confines of his pants, pushed downwards by the tight fabric, forced to be ignored.

His hand slid past the bulge, fingertips tipping past the ribbed fabric of his pants. His lips parted in a low moan.

“Goddamn,” he cursed, glad that no one was around to hear him as he leaned his elbows in front of him on the kitchen counter. He hung his head in between his hands and closed his eyes with a grunt.

“Goddamnit, I need to have you, sweetheart. I need to ruin that pretty little cunt.” A firm thrust of his hips against the kitchen cabinet underneath the counter, but it would have to do. Then Albert manned up and straightened his spine. He lowered his hands again, then turned to the bottle he had uncapped for you.

“Better be alive,” he muttered. “Better be goddamn alive for me.”

~~ Masterlist - Request Box - Support me on Ko-Fi ~~

[covid-safer-hotties]

Also preserved in our archive

By Augie Ray

The latest batch of weekly wastewater data suggests the US may be at its Fall low point between the summer and holiday surges. We can expect viral risks to rise in the coming weeks. In addition, this week, we received new evidence of the increasing risks we face from each COVID reinfection. This week’s update:

COVID in US Wastewater Is Low, But the Next Surge Will Soon Begin The CDC categorizes current viral activity as low. Nationally, the US has the lowest level of COVID in wastewater since June. That indicates we have the smallest number of infections in the population in five months.

The downward trend seems to be ending, indicating the next surge will likely begin in the coming weeks. We can expect to remain at Low levels another month before returning to High risks as we approach Christmas and New Years.

At a state level, COVID activity is quite diverse. Most states have Low or Minimal COVID risks, but viral activity is High in five states (Minnesota, Maine, Arkansas, Nebraska, and Wyoming) and Very High in one state (Montana).

Your risk of being infected or reinfected is low at present, but it’s not zero. PMC estimates that a room containing 50 people has a 33.5% chance of including someone COVID+. Given the risks caused by reinfections (see below), I’d still recommend some levels of caution with crowds. If that seems unnecessary given the low COVID levels, I think a metaphor is helpful: Do you take no care and throw caution to the wind while driving on sunny, clear days, saving precautions only for days with ice, snow, and storms? Or do you always take some care, raising your caution when conditions warrant?

COVID Infection Risks Are Rising, Not Falling Contrary to the popular belief that COVID is gone, data tells us that COVID infections are becoming more common, not less. We can see this in the CDC’s data on the positive rate of COVID testing.

If we look at the pandemic era since vaccines have been available and precautions were relaxed, we see that, except for the first wave of Omicron in late 2021, our peaks tend to grow with each surge of infections. Furthermore, our low points between surges are not declining. The US reached the lowest rate of positive testing in June 2021 and has seen a higher rate of positive testing ever since.

The reasons for more frequent infections are many: COVID continues to rapidly mutate, relatively few people are getting the recommended vaccines, and almost no one is taking precautions, even during significant surges. If we wore masks and avoided time in crowds, particularly during waves of infections, we could reduce these surges and dampen the rate of viral mutation. Our unwillingness to recognize the risks of repeated infections only creates more repeated infections.

What Are the Risks of Recurring COVID Infections? The severe outcomes of acute infections have declined substantially, with much fewer hospitalizations and fatalities. This is due to the longer-lasting protection caused by vaccinations and prior infections. But experts warn even these risks could change — a new variant could cause more severe disease, the continued low vaccination rate may degrade protection for many, and repeated infections could do more harm than good for our immunity over time.

However, the primary reason to be cautious with repeated reinfections isn’t that you might get acutely ill, but that each reinfection raises your risks of Long COVID and other health problems. Every reinfection increases the danger one will suffer chronic health concerns that could last months, years, or be permanent.

New Data and research demonstrate the risks from recurring reinfections:

A new report out of Canada found that, “The cumulative risk of APC (post-COVID-19 illness) increases with the number of infections from 13% with one infection, to 23% with two infections and reaching 37% for three infections.” This data is similar to earlier data from Canada: Canadians reporting two known or suspected COVID-19 infections (25.4%) were 1.7 times more likely to report prolonged symptoms than those reporting only one known or suspected infection (14.6%), and those with 3 or more infections (37.9%) 2.6 times more likely. A new study found that, “Chronic symptoms increased from a baseline of 21% among infection-naïve individuals to 43% in reinfected individuals.” A new Chinese study noted, “Participants who experienced multiple infections were more likely to experience various long COVID symptoms with increased severity. Moreover, the multivariate regression analysis indicated that having two infections posed a significant risk for many long COVID symptoms, and the risk ratio increased exponentially when the number of infections exceeds two.” Last month, a study found, “reinfections increase the likelihood of reporting Long COVID, which increased 2.1-fold from one to two infections (and 3.75x higher risk with 3 or more.) Relative to those who did not report infections or experienced COVID-19 once, reinfections were associated with increased likelihood of severe fatigue, post-exertional malaise, decreased physical function, poorer immune health, symptom exacerbation before menstruation, and multiple other Long COVID symptoms.” Also last month, a study from California discovered, “Participants reporting multiple COVID-19 infections have a significantly higher prevalence of long COVID with the highest prevalence of severe long COVID (PR: 1.84) compared with people that reported only one COVID-19 infection.” Another study published in September noted, “Participants with reinfection were associated with a higher probability of reporting headaches (OR: 1.54), loss of or change in smell and/or taste (OR: 1.90), impaired sleep (OR: 1.55), and brain fog (OR: 1.76).” (Those odd ratios mean the risks of symptoms increased 54 to 90% with reinfections.) In August, a study of people on dialysis found, “there was a 120% increased rate of long-term death for those who were reinfected (adjusted HR 2.2).” Those are just the most recent studies on reinfections. In fact, another two dozen research studies since 2022 have consistently uncovered the rising dangers of repeat infections. (You can see these in the “Reinfections” tab of my spreadsheet of COVID studies.)

The data and research are clear that two or three infections are worse than one. Here’s what research cannot yet tell us: What happens after five, six, or ten reinfections? We won’t know the answer to that question for years, by which time it will be too late for tens of millions of Americans.

Any sensible reaction to this data would encourage us to take more care, especially this December and January during the fifth holiday surge (and tenth US wave of COVID infections.) There are some signs that sense and care are returning, at least for healthcare facilities in select locations. Temporary mask mandates are returning in some medical facilities in the Bay Area, Newfoundland and Labrador, London, and Toronto. And in an unusual move (that could a precursor of things to come in the years ahead), Munich is banning pregnant municipal employees from interacting with children and working in crowded areas. (We are still learning about the dangers of COVID infections to pregnant women and their babies, but if you’d like to learn more, refer to the studies in the “Pregnancy” tab of the spreadsheet shared previously.)

I believe the world will eventually realize the danger of getting new COVID infections once or twice a year. When that occurs, we might see new regulations for safe air in commercial spaces, more vaccinations, and more precautions such as masks. Until that time, the health and wellbeing of you and your family depend on your knowledge and willingness to act on that knowledge.

Be safe, friends.

Studies: journals.lww.com/kidney360/fulltext/2024/08000/long_term_morbidity_and_mortality_of_coronavirus.10.aspx www.frontiersin.org/journals/public-health/articles/10.3389/fpubh.2024.1452233/full www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0264410X24010405 www.researchsquare.com/article/rs-4909082/v1 www.thelancet.com/journals/lanwpc/article/PIIS2666-6065(24)00212-8/fulltext academic.oup.com/ofid/article/11/10/ofae608/7822496?login=false www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/pub/75-006-x/2023001/article/00015-eng.htm www.inspq.qc.ca/publications/3510

[avacoleman]

when the lights go out || a firstprince fic

summary: Henry Fox’s career is in crisis and his dating life isn’t faring much better either.  After a chance encounter with a charming man becomes memorable for all the wrong reasons, Henry throws himself into his next assignment: writing the memoir of a beloved C-list actor. Henry, however, knows Alex best for the role he played as his random, awkward one-night stand. Henry enters their professional partnership keen on keeping their relationship just that. But after Henry confesses that their hookup was less than spectacular, Alex concots an arrangement that Henry is unable to resist. In addition to ghostwriting Alex’s life story, Henry will teach him a thing or two about satisfying a man.  As they spend months out on the road together, they must decide if the connection between them is yet another story worth telling.

chapter 5/8 || rated e || read on ao3 *updates every tues. and fri. *

Reno, NV Reno Pop Culture Con They sit around in Henry’s room playing card games, eating, and watching TV to kill time until Alex has to leave for satellite interviews in his room with outlets on the East Coast. The upcoming Crescent Valley special continues to make headlines, especially as filming is set to start in a few weeks. Henry is both excited and apprehensive about that. It only serves as a reminder that their time together is growing increasingly limited with only three more stops after Reno. Henry straightens up his room a bit from the mess they’ve somehow managed to make in the few hours of they’ve essentially been couch potatoes. In theory, they could have gone out and explored the city. Alex has an appearance tomorrow and the day will more than likely get gobbled up as a result.  All the same, there’s a comfort in being able to have Alex just for himself within these four walls, the two of them only really needing each other to enjoy the day. Henry rolls his suitcase aside in an attempt to tuck it into the corner but it bumps against the nightstand, sending his toiletry bag flying from where it’s perched. Items fall from it, clattering against the floor.

Alex helps him with the mess, his fingers clutching a bottle of lube. 

“I’ve been getting so acquainted with this these last few weeks,” Alex laughs.

“Yes, and I think we’ll successfully manage to teach you an appropriate amount to use. That night in New York, you used a lot.”

Alex cringes a bit.

“I was scared of hurting you. I didn’t mean to go overboard.”

Henry smiles softly and cups Alex’s face, searching his eyes.

“That’s sweet, Alex, and it’s good to be cautious. I appreciate you looking out for me. I really do,” he says sincerely, lowering his hand. “Having a considerate partner is crucial. That’s going to go a long way for the guys you’re with.”

Alex smiles a little and Henry is happy to see his words are able to reassure him.

“May I ask something personal?”

Alex’s brows furrow and he scratches his chin.

“Um, yeah.”

“Have you ever fingered yourself?”

Alex blushes and shakes his head.

“Never got up the courage to. After my big revelation or whatever, I thought about it. You know, what it’d be like to have someone inside me whether it be their fingers or their dick,” he says, shrugging. “It was enough just to fantasize about it. I’ve gotten off thinking about it, but haven’t been able to bring myself to test it firsthand, no.”

Henry nods. “I can understand that. But, if you’re ever able to stop psyching yourself out, I would recommend it. Aside from it simply just feeling good,” he muses, “it’s also a great way to become familiar with your body and potential future partners too. You’ll be better equipped when the time comes to hit the right spot.”

Alex’s brows furrow. “You mean, the prostate?

Henry nods. “Exactly, yes. It might take some prodding, but that’s what you’re looking for. It’ll feel like a little bump.”

Alex seems to digest this information.

“So, you…you do it yourself then sometimes?”

Henry smiles and nods. “Yes, I do. I don’t stop with just my fingers either. Toys can be fun too.”

Alex blinks twice.

“I haven’t even thought about that yet.”

Henry laughs. “Maybe one day I’ll give you an advanced course. For now, we’ll stick to the basics.” He hesitates for a moment. “Before the tour is over, perhaps I can do it to you, if you’d like.”

Alex nods and Henry watches the change in the rise and fall of Alex’s chest, how much deeper he's breathing.

“Definitely. I want that at some point.”

Alex purses his lips. “Would you just stop there?”

Henry raises a brow in question. Alex sighs.

“I mean, I guess what I’m asking is if you’d be up for, you know, screwing me after you opened me up one day.”

Henry pulls in a breath. The thought has crossed his mind far too many times for Henry to count or to ever openly admit to. He simply nods.

“I’d love to, so long as you’d be interested.”

“More than interested, Hen. I want to work up to that. I want you to fuck me.”

Henry’s jaw clenches as a tugging sensation unfurls in the pit of his stomach. He’d take Alex right now, if the timing were right.

“I promise. We’ll make it happen in the next few weeks.”

Between Alex’s stunned expression and the overwhelming feeling of anticipation now coursing through his veins, Henry isn’t sure which one of them is more eager for that day to come.

Henry smiles and pats Alex’s knee. 

“We still have a bit of time before you have to go. Would you maybe like a lesson?” he asks, tapping the bottle still in Alex’s hand as he climbs into bed.

Alex’s eyes rake over Henry’s body, nodding all the while. 

“I want you to work on your pacing and overall technique when fingering. I also want you to find my prostate. See if you can make me come,” Henry says.

Alex looks a bit unsure of himself.

“You’ve got this. I’m right here,” Henry coaxes. “I’ll talk you through it and answer any questions you might have. This is all just practice. Don’t worry.”

Alex squares his shoulders and nods again.

“Yeah, alright.”

Henry gives him a reassuring smile before undressing. He’ll never grow tired of the way Alex looks at him. Henry holds his gaze as he spreads his legs and pushes them back, feet pressed firmly against the bed, hands on his knees.

A glorious blush blooms above the collar of Alex’s shirt and up his neck as he licks his lips and flicks open the lid. He squeezes a bit onto his fingertips, angling his hand so Henry can see.

“Is that good?”

Henry nods. “Perfect, yeah.”

Reassured, Alex looks more confident as he lowers his hand and applies the substance to Henry’s entrance. His touch is light and yet it’s as if Henry can feel him in every part of his body. He hadn’t realized just how keyed up he’s been for this. 

He clenches his jaw and breathes sharply through his nose. Alex must notice as he stops immediately.

“Shit, did I do something wrong?”

Henry shakes his head. “No, love. The exact opposite. Keep going.”

Alex searches his face before continuing. “I think you’re covered pretty well.”

Henry smiles. “Next step now is to open me up.”

The words seem to both terrify and intrigue Alex. He sets the pad of his thumb against Henry and rubs him in a circular motion. Henry sighs, relaxing his body further, stretching out against the bed and pillows. He watches Alex, takes in the look of pure concentration on his face, but also the wonder too as studies the way Henry’s body responds to him. Alex curses under his breath and looks up at Henry, smiling.

Henry is glad to see Alex allowing himself the full experience of this. That first night was so rushed and frantic, Alex was just going through the motions and not savoring any of it. Today, Henry is keen on giving him an entirely different encounter.

“I think…you might be ready. At least for one finger,” Alex says.

Henry nods. “I’d say so too.”

Alex swallows hard and takes a breath before swapping the motion of his thumb for gingerly sliding his index finger in. His face flushes and Henry’s does too as his walls cinch around Alex. He bites back on his lower lip. Alex freezes and looks up at him.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Alex says. “It feels tight.”

“That’s okay. That’s perfectly normal,” Henry assures. “Just go slowly. I promise, it’ll be alright. I’ll tell you if it’s not.”

Alex searches his eyes and nods. He pumps his finger slowly, his free hand resting on Henry’s inner thigh. Alex’s eyes are trained on what he’s doing. It’s a bit fascinating to watch him work. Henry’s body relaxes more and more at the intrusion and the tension in Alex’s brow lessens too. His finger works into Henry with far more ease though his pattern is a bit too repetitive.

“Don’t just set rhythm. Change the tempo and angle every now and then,” Henry reminds him.

Alex blushes a bit, but he heeds Henry’s words. Instead of a standard in-out, he switches up his pumps. Henry exhales softly as his body syncs to it.

“You could take another,” Alex says, looking down at his rim before glancing up at him.

Henry moans. “I need it.”

Alex curses and removes his hand for a moment, adding just a drop more of lube to his fingertips before sliding them home inside Henry carefully. He resumes his pumps with his index and middle fingers, switching it up every now and then. His free hand rubs small, soothing circles against Henry’s thigh. Alex seems far more confident now as he quickens his pace, falling into tune with Henry’s body and anticipating what he needs.

“That’s it, darling. Oh, my god,” Henry rasps.

His eyes flutter shut as Alex works his fingers in and out of him, angling his hand in different directions. Henry hums in approval, letting out a gasp as Alex’s fingertips nudge against his prostate.

“Did you feel that?” Henry asks.

“Shit, yeah,” Alex says, perking up a bit. 

“That’s right where you want to focus on ultimately. You can taunt and tease, drag things out with your partner as much as you guys would like, but in the end, that’s what will push them over the edge each and every time.”

Alex strokes his fingers against his prostate experimentally. Henry whimpers, body shuddering. Alex does it again, lightly teasing him. Henry writhes against the bed, completely at his mercy.

“So hot,” Alex says to himself before looking Henry in the eyes. “Can I touch you even more?” 

Henry almost laughs hysterically. How could that even be up for question?

“Please. I want to feel you everywhere I possibly can. I need you, Alex.”

Alex licks his lips, his free hand wrapping around Henry’s cock at once. Henry’s mouth falls open as Alex begins to jerk him off. Henry grabs helplessly at the sheets.

Alex adds a third finger when Henry is wide enough to take it and he thrusts his hand forward. Henry bucks his hips to meet each return. Alex’s other hand is steady on his cock, teasing his slit. Under his arousal is deep pride in seeing how well Alex is applying everything they’ve been covering over the last few weeks.

Alex’s fingers curl inside him, pressing directly on his prostate. Henry cries out, his back arching off the bed as Alex continues to work him over. Henry tugs at the bedding again, a hand reaching back against the wall, scrambling for purchase desperately trying to find something to ground him.

“You’re so sexy like this,” Alex says. “I can tell how badly you want it. How badly you need me to be the one touching you. You’re so desperate for it, baby, my god.”

Henry’s mouth hangs open at his words. It’s the absolute truth.

“You’re incredible, Alex,” he hiccups. “You make me feel...God, I can’t—,” he cuts off and curses, undignified but with little care as his resolve breaks. He gives in to the sensations coursing through him from all sides.

He moans Alex’s name over and over as he comes, begging him not to stop. The man doesn’t. Alex’s fingers press more firmly against that particular spot as his other hand pumps feverishly over his cock. Henry keeps jerking his body forward, chasing the high that is Alex Claremont-Diaz pleasuring him into oblivion.

His eyes are watering, his heart slamming erratically, his breathing ragged by the time his body works through the rising tide washing over him.

Alex removes his hands and all Henry can do is flop back feeling absolutely boneless against the bed, practically seeing stars. He can’t think. His mind is utter mush, his body buzzing. He only has enough energy to turn his head towards Alex’s voice as he speaks.

“That’s how our first night should have gone,” Alex says, settling in beside him.

Henry’s face feels sweaty and he’d bet good money he looks completely wrecked, but Alex’s gaze makes him feel like the most attractive man on Earth. 

“I can’t even tell you how good it feels to know what it sounds like when you come for real.” Alex smiles to himself. “I swear there’s no greater sound in the world than hearing you moan my name like that.” 

Alex leans in and kisses him softly. Henry wants more, but he can’t even speak. He’s too spent, too stunned. Alex is an incredibly quick study and this swagger he possesses in the bedroom is such a turn on.

Alex brushes his nose against Henry’s, his breath soft against his face.

“If I can make you lose it like that with my fingers, just imagine the things I could make you feel when I’m buried inside you,” he says, placing a kiss on his lips again. “When you’re riding my cock, taking every inch of me.” Alex searches his eyes, cupping his cheek and brushing his skin with the side of his thumb.

It’s so soft and in such sharp contrast to the words he’s saying. 

“That’s what you want, isn’t it? For me to fuck you right next time?”

He kisses Henry again, deeper this time. Henry whimpers into his mouth as Alex runs a hand down his back and his ass.

“I’d get you coming in no time, begging for more like the needy good boy that you are.”

“Christ, Alex,” Henry rasps, his body trembling at the mere thought.

Alex gets up just then and Henry wishes he had the strength to protest. All he wants to do now is crawl into Alex’s side and stay burrowed there forever. To have this man pleasure him until the end of time, to make good on the images he’s just planted in his head.

When Alex returns, it’s with a wet cloth that he uses to clean Henry up.

“I fear I may have created a monster with you,” Henry says. His voice sounds different in his own ears. Yet another thing Alex is responsible for wrecking.

Alex smiles as he wipes Henry’s stomach.

“I’d apologize, but I’m too busy mentally patting myself on the back. I don’t know, I feel oddly…proud.”

“You should. I don’t mean to sound patronizing, but I’m impressed. These last few weeks, you’ve been crushing it. You’ve come a long way since the night we met. I soon won’t have anything more to teach you. Then again, my time on the tour will be coming to an end soon anyway and you won’t need me.”

Something almost sad passes in Alex’s eyes.

“Henry, we’ve never–”

Whatever Alex is about to say gets interrupted as Henry’s phone vibrates from its place on the nightstand where he left it to charge.

Henry takes a glance at the screen and bolts upright, unplugging the phone and holding it up for Alex to see Zahra’s name flashing across the screen.

He quickly answers, suddenly very aware of the fact that he’s naked. He fishes around for his underwear as he greets her.

“Hi, Zahra. How are you?” he asks as he finally finds his boxer briefs and slips them on.

“I’m fine, thanks. I tried calling Alex, but he didn’t answer. Is everything alright?” Zahra asked. “Don’t tell me he went off someplace last night.”

“No, no. He’s right here with me, actually. He must have his phone on silent or something.”

Henry puts Zahra on speaker.

“Oh, good, you’re together,” she says, her voice ringing so clearly it’s as if she’s physically in the room with them. A terrifying thought, all things considered.

“Hey, Z,” Alex says. “Where’s the fire?”

“No fire. I have good news for you both. Your editor is very pleased with these preliminary pages. Whatever the hell you two are doing, keep it up.”

Henry and Alex exchange a glance over the phone, both biting back laughs.

“Anyway, that’s all I needed to say and I just wanted to check in, see how things are going on the road.”

“We’re all good. Henry and I are thick as thieves.”

“That’s not the comfort you think it is. I hope you aren’t corrupting him, Alex.”

“Nope, the opposite really. I’m learning so much from the guy. You wouldn’t believe it.”

Henry playfully shoves Alex who sticks out his tongue and winks.

“You’re being weird, but I don’t care enough to find out why.” She pauses. “Okay, I have to run, but keep up the good work. If you all need anything, you know how to reach me.”

She doesn’t offer an actual goodbye; the line goes dead before they can say anything further.

“On a scale of one to nuclear, how badly do you think she’d react if she knew she just gave us further license to keep screwing around?” Alex asks.

Henry taps a finger to the corner of his mouth. “I’m thinking…Earth shattering. Complete annihilation. Total extinction.”

Alex smirks. “Is it bad that that just excites me more?” he asks, moving closer into Henry’s personal space.

Henry’s reaction to him is instant, his pulse quickening.

“I wish you wouldn’t get so hot and bothered when we’ve literally no time for me to make good on it. You start the junket in literally,” he glances at the phone for the time, “sixteen minutes.”

Alex’s eyes glint mischievously, their lips mere centimeters apart.

“Haven’t you been saying all along that anticipation is what makes things hotter?”

Henry can’t help it; his body pitches forward on its own accord, but Alex laughs wickedly as he slips out of bed and stands. Henry pouts like a petulant child. Alex takes mercy on him, slipping a hand into his hair and kissing him deeply for a moment before he turns to go.

Henry watches him head for the door, wishing foolishly that he could follow. 

Alex pauses at the door and looks back at him, biting on his lower lip. Henry can only imagine the sight he must be with disheveled hair, naked among sex mussed sheets. He hopes it’s a tempting view for Alex, one that will make him want to return to Henry’s room the second his interviews are done. 

Alex takes a breath and squares his shoulders.

“To be continued.”

“I’m holding you to that.”

Alex smiles, his eyes drinking Henry in. 

“When have I ever broken a promise to you?”

~*~*~

Austin, TXGreater Austin Comic Con

Henry stares up at the vast, starry sky above him and inhales deeply as his eyes close. He hears the crackle of fire in the pit where he sits in the backyard of Alex’s father’s lake house.

It’s perhaps the most serene he’s felt on this entire tour and he knows Alex feels the same. After all, nothing could ever compare to home for a man who spends so much of his life traveling to different cities across the country for months at a time.

From the moment they landed, Alex had become even more animated than usual, going on and on about all the things he wanted to show Henry. It all sounded wonderful, like particularly good content he could use for the book.

But more than that, Henry was looking forward to having a real look into the basis of Alex’s life over the next week. It was one thing to hear the stories he’d recount, but quite another to physically be in the places that held meaning to Alex, to speak firsthand with the people who shaped him.

Alex had taken him to visit his childhood home, the place that meant so much to him he’d taken to wearing its key around his neck. There, he got to see Alex’s history like a museum. The trophies he’d won for lacrosse, childhood photos that covered the walls and mantles, the very bedroom where Alex kissed a boy for the first time.

Alex shared it all with him, aided by his parents and stepfather along with June and Nora— the latter two of which had been especially keen on spilling Alex’s more embarrassing stories. 

The day had been long, but beautiful, especially as it led them here to this gorgeous setting. The others have already called it a night, but Henry and Alex, true night owls, had opted to stay out a bit longer.

“Could I tempt you with a late night stroll?” Alex asks.

Henry hums softly in assent, turning his head to the side and opening his eyes to find Alex already looking at him.

The flames reflect in his eyes, but a fire of a different kind seems to burn in their depths.

“I could be persuaded, yes.” He smiles then and takes a hold of the hand Alex extends to him as he stands.

He’s not expecting Alex to keep holding on, but he doesn’t object or pull away. Instead, Henry brushes his thumb twice against the back of Alex’s hand as Alex puts out the fire.

There’s something rather romantic about this scene though Henry does his best not to lean far heavily into such a thought as they start to walk.

“So, now that you’ve had an up close and personal view of my family, what do you think?”

Henry smiles. “I can see perfectly why you are the way that you are.”

Alex jokingly narrows his eyes. 

“I can’t tell if that’s an insult or not,” he laughs.

Henry chuckles as well. “Hardly. I only meant…you’re well-loved. You’ve got such a wonderful support system behind you. You guys are a real family, even if slightly unconventional. But it works and it’s beautiful. Not everyone has that.”

Alex’s brows furrow.

“Do you? You don’t really talk about your family. I figure there’s a reason why, so I’ve never wanted to push it.”

Henry smiles wistfully. It’s true. He’s mentioned Bea plenty of times to Alex and spoke fondly of her, naturally. But the rest of his family and the relationship he has with them has felt too messy and complicated to discuss, especially when contrasted with Alex’s family.

“Outside of Bea, I don’t get on that well with my family. My brother Philip can best be described as a stick in the mud with a stick up his arse. Then there’s the matter of my gran who is perhaps the most conservative being in the world,” he says, attempting to be somewhat diplomatic. 

From the look on Alex’s face, it’s obvious he understands the implication and doesn’t like it one bit.

“Between the two of them, it’s evident that quite literally no part of my life will ever meet their arbitrary set of standards. It made leaving home that much easier though, I can say that much.”

Alex frowns.

“What about your parents? Are you at least closer to them?”

Henry stops walking. Alex gently lets go of his hand but stays close, stepping in front of him. Henry smiles sadly at him.

“My father was the most exceptional man. He passed away a few years ago. I still miss him terribly every day.”

Alex lets out a breath.

“Henry, I’m so sorry. I shouldn't have…I’m sorry,” he says, lightly touching Henry’s cheek. Henry leans into his touch.

“It’s okay. You couldn’t have known, but thank you.” 

Alex strokes his cheek and Henry finds it within himself to continue. 

“My mother and I used to be quite close. However, since my father passed, she’s been lost in her grief, but she has been working to find her way back. It’s been rather difficult on her…on all of us. In so many ways, I feel as if I’ve lost both my parents.”

Alex leans in and kisses his other cheek, lingering for a moment before wrapping both arms around him. Henry embraces him as well.

“I wish there was something I could do,” Alex says. “I wish you didn’t have to go through this. You don’t deserve any of it.”

Henry smiles to himself and kisses Alex’s temple.

“That’s okay, love. Mum and I are still making progress even though I’m no longer home. And I’ve managed to have a pretty good life here in the States. You’re a part of that now. Thankfully so.”

It’s a damning truth, but one Henry feels comfortable in sharing. This time on the road with Alex has truly been one of the greatest experiences of his life, not just in the few years he’s been living in this country. He feels blessed to have him.

Alex pulls back and looks at him.

“You do realize this means you can never get rid of me then, right? It’s a whole If You Give a Mouse a Cookie thing going on here now. Did you have that book growing up in England? Anyway, the point is, I’m not going anywhere.”

Henry laughs. “I would never dream of getting rid of you. If anything, I’d venture to say it’s you who is now stuck with me.”

Alex takes a hold of his hand again and snorts.

“Stuck with,” he mutters. 

They resume their walk and despite the heavy nature of their talk earlier, they’re able to slip back into an easygoing atmosphere. Henry supposes it comes down to both the scenery around them and simply the power that is Alex.

They wind up close to the water’s edge and Henry thinks vaguely of weeks ago in Portland, to the awkward conversation by the pond out there that somehow led to this newfound relationship with Alex. Since meeting Alex that night in New York, his life has taken on a turn he could have never seen coming.

“Have you ever gone skinny dipping before?” Alex asks suddenly. It’s the very last thing Henry had been expecting to hear.

His head snaps to the side to look at Alex who is already reaching for the hem of his own shirt.

“Are you mad? What if someone sees us?”

Alex merely laughs as he tosses his shirt to the ground and kicks off his shoes.

“Then we’d really just be gifting them with the glorious sight of your naked body and honestly, they should thank us for such service.”

Henry huffs out a laugh and shakes his head incredulously. Alex simply undoes the button on his jeans and cocks a brow in challenge.

Henry shouldn’t take the bait. He knows it. But Alex’s ability to get under his skin and bring out his competitive side is unmatched. He refuses to let Alex best him.

Henry scoffs and quickly finds himself disrobing as well until they’re standing nude in front of each other. Alex’s eyes roam his body as they always do, his fingertips trailing along a vein in Henry’s arm and up to his shoulder.

Alex’s hand secures around the nape of his neck and Henry closes the space between them and kisses him. Alex’s fingers comb through his hair and Henry moans softly at the feel, his hips pressing to Alex’s as he grips the man’s sides. He feels breathless by the time Alex turns away and heads into the water without another word or glance.

Henry watches his figure as he goes, feeling a swell of emotion surging in his chest. The tide has been changing for some time now and tonight, it seems to be coming to the surface.

Alex cuts through the water with ease as he swims, his strong arms carrying him towards the end of the dock. Henry finally joins him, shivering as his body adjusts to the cool waters.

“I thought you were chickening out on me,” Alex says, coming closer to him.

Henry shakes his head. “I needed a moment to enjoy the view. You make for quite the sight. I’d be remiss if I didn’t savor it.”

Alex rolls his eyes, but the soft smile he tries to bite back contradicts him.

“Ever the writer.”

Here, with milky white moonlight casting them in shadows, it’s all too easy to let himself hide in this moment, to run from the reality that Alex isn’t actually his to keep even if he gets to have him now.

In this moment, they can be whatever his heart wants them to be. It’s in such violation of the terms and conditions to this agreement, but Henry cannot bring himself to come clean and wreck this.

He kisses Alex, pressing their chests together and leaning Alex against one of the dock’s posts. This night feels different and it strikes Henry then that this entire scenario is. They aren’t kissing as a means of leading into a lesson. They’re simply doing it because they want to. 

He knows, in his heart, he should call this out now and yet, as Alex holds his face and kisses him deeper, Henry won’t dare to put a stop to it. Alex wraps his legs around him and Henry holds him up, shamelessly gripping his ass and pulling him in even closer still. His lungs burn for a clean breath.

Alex pulls away only slightly, enough to look him in the eyes. There’s a question in his gaze, a sort of hesitancy or uncertainty. Fear of ruining the moment keeps Henry from asking.

He stares back as Alex’s thumb traces the curve of Henry’s bottom lip.

“I really like kissing you,” Alex says.

“The worst kept secret, darling. But I confess, I’m guilty of the same.”

Alex laughs and presses his mouth to Henry’s. Henry's hands move and tighten on Alex’s thighs as he continues to hold him up. Alex’s arms drape over Henry’s shoulders as his lips part, tongue seeking out Henry’s. Henry pours back into him, one hand moving to the small of Alex’s back.

Henry feels starved for him. It feels as if they spend hours out there under the stars, their bodies as close as humanly possible. He can feel how riled up Alex is, their direct contact making it impossible to ignore.

Henry isn’t sure how much longer he’ll be able to stave off the urge to have all of Alex.

“It’s late. We should probably get back inside,” he says softly after a while.

Alex detaches himself but brings one of Henry’s hands to his lips and kisses each fingertip.

Henry shudders and he knows it’s not because of the chilly lake. 

He stares at Alex, his heart aching the longer he looks.

God, does he love this man. The thought should scare him, but it doesn’t. It’s a truth Henry has known all along even if he hasn’t been bold enough to name it.

Alex’s face is hard to read in the dark, but he kisses Henry sweetly one last time before lacing their fingers and leading them out of the water to get dressed once more.

They return to the house and shower, begrudgingly in two different bathrooms but Henry knows it’s for the best. When he returns to the room they’re sharing, Alex is getting settled under the covers, smiling at him in greeting, hair still damp from the shower.

In some other life, Henry thinks, this would be the norm for them, ending the night together. At least for tonight, he can hold onto the domesticity of this and pretend.

Henry sets his toiletry bag back into his suitcase where it lays open in the corner of the room before pulling the comforter back and laying beside Alex who comes in close and burrows into his side immediately. Henry wraps an arm around him, his fingertips skimming down his back and along his side. Alex shivers and kisses his shoulder.

Henry feels a bit insane with how badly he wants more of this man. Being this close to him, smelling the scent of his body wash, feeling the warmth of his body, he’s not quite sure how he’ll survive the night but knows that he must.

“Can we go off script tonight?” Alex asks.

Henry peers down at him, taken aback by the question.

“I didn’t think we even had anything in mind for our stay. We’re with your family this week.”

Surely being in the same house with his entire family and best friend would be enough of a deterrent for Alex. The likelihood of someone catching them in the act was astronomically high.

Alex’s fingertips trace the dusting of hair below Henry’s navel as he places a kiss on Henry’s bare chest, his breath soft against Henry’s skin. Henry can’t help it; something stirs in the pit of his stomach, a yearning that quickly turns into an absolute need.

Willpower be damned.

Alex’s eyes flicker back up to his face.

“I can keep quiet if you can,” Alex says. 

Henry shuts his eyes and takes a cleansing breath before looking at Alex again. This man is sure to be his undoing.

“And what exactly did you envision for this evening, might I ask?”

Alex’s nimble fingers work to loosen the drawstring of Henry’s pajama bottoms.

“An extra credit project. I’d like to test myself with something, but I need your body to do it. You opened my eyes back in Minneapolis, indulged me in a fantasy I’ve had for longer than I’d like to publicly admit, even to you. I wonder if you might be willing to do that again?”

Henry thinks back to Minneapolis. That was so early on in their lessons but suddenly it hits him. He’d deviated from the outline on the second night of their stay and it led to unexpected yet pleasant terrain. He had enjoyed every second of picking Alex apart with his tongue.

From the way Alex is looking at him, it’s obvious he wants a turn in the driver’s seat now.

“Are you sure?” Henry asks.

Alex slips a hand between Henry’s legs, stroking him faintly as he brings his lips to his ear.

“Let me take care of you this time. I could be so good for you, Henry. I can make you feel the most amazing things,” he practically purrs. 

Henry grabs a handful of Alex’s ass. Alex gasps, his body trembling. There’s such naked hunger in his eyes. Henry is glad he’s not alone in that.

“Lock the door,” Henry says.

Alex grins and gets out of bed and bounds toward the door. Henry undresses himself completely by the time Alex turns back around.

Henry lays stretched out on his side, propping his head up on his hand. Alex’s eyes scan his entire body.

“How do you want me?” Henry asks.

Alex opens and closes his mouth as he meets his gaze.

“I know you’ve pictured it,” he says, quietly, trailing a fingertip slowly down his side. “You can tell me. I want this to be exactly how you want it.”

Alex takes a seat on the bed again and licks his lips. He runs a hand up one of Henry’s legs, lightly scratching at his thigh.

“It’s mostly always you on all fours, spread wide and letting me eat you out from behind,” Alex admits.

Henry doesn’t flinch.

“I like the way you think.”

Henry repositions himself just as Alex envisioned, dipping his back, putting himself shamelessly on display. He glances over his shoulder to look at Alex. The man’s mouth is agape. He reaches out a hand and runs it down the length of Henry’s spine and to his ass appraisingly. 

Henry grips the bedding to steady himself as he trembles as he looks forward again. 

“Just beautiful. Absolutely perfect in every way,” Alex says quietly. Henry feels himself blush from his chest all the way up to his face. He’s glad Alex can’t see just how much he’s affecting him already.

Alex’s palm journeys along the curve of Henry’s ass and he gives him a good, firm squeeze. Henry lets out a faint whimper.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart. I won’t leave you hanging. Not when you’re behaving so well.”

Henry sighs in relief at the words and a moment later, Alex is kissing down the length of his spine before he has both hands on Henry’s ass, spreading him open. Henry braces himself, knuckles turning white as he fists the blanket.

The first touch of Alex’s tongue against his rim is unlike anything. His eyes water at once, his whole body desperate for more.

Alex gives him just that, returning his mouth to him again. Henry lets out a shuddering breath as Alex’s tongue teases him, making small circles that drive him crazy with want.

He arches his back, his head tipping backwards. The room is warm, but Henry feels a chill run through him as Alex’s tongue suctions inside him, the muscle making a pulsing beat.

“You’re so good at this,” Henry gasps. Alex moans softly in response. 

Alex spreads him wider, his tongue burying deeper and lapping against his walls. Henry’s right hand comes away from the blanket and covers his mouth, trapping a whimper.

He lets his hand fall away again, his cock aching between his legs. He tries to reach for it, but Alex gently nudges his hand out of the way and starts stroking him instead.

Henry’s eyes roll shut as he surrenders fully to Alex, letting him take complete control of his pleasure. It feels good to let go like this, to not overthink. To simply not think at all.

His upper half feels weak and Henry slumps forward against the bed, his cheek pressed into the pillow as his ass lifts higher in the air. He feels Alex’s weight shift to accommodate the new angle. His tongue is unrelenting and Henry wouldn’t have it any other way.

He can’t recall the last time someone has done this to him and the fact that now it’s Alex of all people is simply unparalleled.

Tears streak down his face and Henry wishes more than anything that he could scream Alex’s name, let him know just how good his ministrations feel. But having to stay quiet, to take attention this good in silence like this only turns him on more.

He rolls his hips backwards, shamelessly riding Alex’s tongue. He bites his bottom lip raw in the effort to keep from crying out. He reaches a hand back, grabbing a fistful of Alex’s hair as he fucks his tongue the second he strikes him just right.

“Shit,” he hisses softly. “You’ve got it, Alex. Don’t stop. Right there,” he coaxes, his voice a hoarse whisper.

He shivers, grinding back as Alex jerks him off in the same tempo as his tongue. The simultaneous moves break the dam and Henry’s eyes shut tight as he stays quiet through his orgasm. He grips Alex’s hair tighter, his other hand resting on top of Alex’s as the man squeezes his cock and strokes him, eking out every last drop.

Henry’s whole body is drained and he falls forward a bit. Alex’s arms circle him and hold him close, his body curving around Henry’s.

“H, are you okay?” Alex whispers in his ear, concern bleeding into his words. “Talk to me.”

Henry nods, catching his breath. 

“I’m good. I’m okay. I’m more than that,” he says. “This was just what I needed. It’s been ages since someone’s…,” he sighs, realizing he’s rambling. “You were perfect, Alex. Unbelievably perfect.”

He turns his face enough to capture Alex’s lips, not at all put off by where they’ve just been. If anything, it just fuels him more.

He’s breathless, but he kisses Alex greedily, needing him close still.

“Can I return the favor?” he asks after a moment.

Alex chuckles lightly in his ear. 

“As much as I would love that, and believe me, I would. It won’t be necessary. I, uh, kinda came in my pants? I haven’t done that since freshman year of high school so congrats on this crowning achievement,” he says, laughter still in his voice. “But man, watching you finish…there’s nothing else like it. I could play that on a loop forever.”

Henry searches his face and kisses him again, fully swiveling in his arms so they’re completely face to face once more. He hooks a leg over Alex’s hip, tangling his fingers in his curls.

Alex smiles at him.

“I’m never gonna be able to look at this room the same way,” Alex says, holding onto his wrist. “Pretty sure the bed is going to feel empty the next time I’m here without you.”

Henry’s heart sinks a little at the thought. He’s a footnote in this story. He’s known that from the start.

“I guess I’ll just have to leave you a ton of good memories to tide you over then,” he says.

Alex’s eyes drift to his lips and back to his eyes.

“You’ve given me enough good memories to last a lifetime. I’ll never forget.”