#i tag the same people every time and for that i am so sorry

[retiredteabag]

sorry for informality but i was stalking reading your pinned post and you’re in grad school at twenty!??!!!

unless i’m tripping or misunderstanding something, academic weapon tips please because holy shit that’s insane! what’s ur field of study if you want to talk about it/don’t mind me asking? any application tips/things you wished you knew before getting there/habits you wished you’d formed sooner? independent research has always been difficult for me because of how much i depend on structure (adhd imposter syndrome anxiety lets go) so if you’re working on a thesis/something similar, how has the process been in your experience?

i’m in undergrad atm and heavily debating going further, so i’d love to hear from someone my age who’s actually doing it! also unrelated, but i’m a certified notion/goodnotes girlie if you vibe with those as study resources!

🎸 tagging with an emoji in case i pop back around, yk?

I'm sorry to say, but my tips might come off as sort of typical... but I hope they're at least a little helpful!

I am currently in a masters program within the analytics field. Research/independent studies vary widely depending on the area of specialization, however, my program has an intensive practicum that is similar in nature. I have not started it yet, but what I can say for sure when it comes to research: make sure you are picking a topic that you could speak about for hours/answer argumentative questions about.

For applications, I would say to narrow your options down as much as possible and look into each program before applying. Know the curriculum and standard outline and what stands out to you as you decide.

^ on this same note, you will likely need at least one interview in the application process. Speak slowly and enunciate. Taking a moment to think of the proper words will always be better than speaking quickly without much thought. Most people say to use "down-speak" in these interviews, but in my experience, matching the examiners tone and energy makes the whole thing much more comfortable.

For study tips, I have a large notebook that I keep on my desk where I write down every assignment and the date that it is due. This is just for organization purposes, I find a physical copy helpful for a few reasons but also because crossing them off feels rewarding :]

Time managment is incredibly important. Everyone says this because it is true. Prep everything, organizing your day into chunks. Since you also like structure, this probably wont be an issue. I would also get comfortable with being self-aware of your priorities. There will come a time when you will need to choose between academics/work and other areas of your life.

Keep your spaces clean. Dedicate a day or so to just organizing/doing a deep clean. It will help you stay focused and minimize external anxiety. It’s also much easier to keep a place clean if you have put in such an effort.

Participate in class. I cannot make this clear enough. I promise it is not embarrassing to ask questions or "try". You will learn far easier if you put effort into the classroom/lecture setting.

It is a pretty typical "tip" is to just ask questions. Even if you feel like you might understand, just ask to make sure. And in this same vein, go to office hours if you need to.

Prioritize sleep lol, that and mental rest. You can't always be studying. For me, it is a real challenge to work and be full time in school so it's important to carve out those sections of "you time".

Try not to be on your phone tooooooooo much, I know it’s hard but I make an effort to not be on my phone while eating. Don’t use entertainment as a distraction, I find that it just delays anxiety :(

Lastly, apply for scholarships and know that you absolutely can appeal for more money.

I hope this was useful. Do know that it REALLY depends on your area of study and 5-year-plan. I would recommend not going to grad school unless you're absolutely sure it is worth it.

Good luck!

[giyuulatte]

mm mmk mmk. thank you for the tag!!

3 ships: zukka, buddie, uhhh renga (this says so much doesn’t it)

first ship ever: gulps i can’t remember if it was drarry or wolfstar but it was in the harry potter area (drarry introduced me to abo and, yes i feel that is important information!)

last song: white pills by tilly birds (go listen to it btw.)

last movie: uhhhh omfg it was renfield. let it be known, that pathetic man is one of my favorite pathetic men EVER. so glad my pookie got out of that toxic relationship

currently reading: …ao3 buddie fic BUT i did start feral kingdom a while ago and haven’t finished it soooo

currently watching: 9-1-1 (everyone act surprised)

currently consuming: i just ate 2 limited edition oreos that had black and white creme that may or may not have been expired

currently craving: chinese food with a loving embrace (a weighted blanket)

tags: @imjustavenuxwithaboomerang @cxtegyu @urgirlhannibal

Tag 9 people you want to get to know better!

3 ships: The Millennium Falcon, a Rebel X-Wing, and Slave I

First ship ever: I think that was the Disney Magic

Note: ships meant pairings here but I decided to be a facetious

Last Song: A Thousand Years part 2 because I was feeling sappy

Last Movie: The Fall Guy

Currently Reading: After Alice by Gregory Maguire

Currently Watching: Home Improvement

Currently Consuming Being Consumed By: the need to nap

Currently Craving: a nap

Thanks for the tag @aintinacage

No pressure tags: @marvel-and-dc-geek @fleursfairies @marinarashakeyobooty @cyphers-and-sunspots @indoraptorgirlwind @marvelstuff-iguess @askazara and anyone else who wants to play

[dustykneed]

you are my sunshine, my only sunshine

you make me happy when skies are gray

(prompt fill for @mcspirkevents' mcspirk bingo prompt "gone with the wind".)

static frames below:

ouch! neck deep in aos bones feels rn... lmk if i should make a fix-it or somethin

[unfortunatelyilikebnha]

The best tdmd moments/things (to me; vaguely but not entirely chronological) (also I haven’t read the manga in ages and I’ve only - recently at least - rewatched bits and pieces so some of this is paraphrased while some of it I went back through to get exact quotes and NO I’m not going to do that for all of them it would take too long) (readmore bc it’s a lot):

- “As the crowd shouted, trying to make Sero feel better, Todoroki took a moment to melt his opponent from the ice prison he’d created. For some reason, in that moment, he looked very sad to me.” Ok so this is not the sports festival moment everyone talks about but it LIVES in my head ABSOLUTELY RENT FREE. It’s like, we know Todoroki’s been watching Midoriya for a while, mostly due to his obvious connection with All Might, but in this moment, while everyone is focusing on Sero, Midoriya is Watching Todoroki Back. He Sees Him.

- MIDORIYA TELLING ENDEAVOR THAT HE IS NOT ALL MIGHT AND SHOUTO IS NOT HIM. Midoriya is freeeeeaked tf out bc endvr is intimidating + he’s worried he’ll discover the secret of OFA but the SECOND endvr starts talking like an asshole, Midoriya SHUTS THAT SHIT DOWN. Again, Midoriya has had like ONE conversation with Todoroki and actively Really Wants To Get Away From Endeavor, but he just gets so mad about the way that Endeavor’s talking that he pauses his retreat to correct him and I think that’s beautiful.

- One of Todoroki’s episodes/chapters being titled “The boy born with everything” and how you could easily contrast Midoriya as “The boy born with nothing” (I could not find a definitive answer on whether canon actually calls him that but like). The juxtaposition of their opposite struggles and the underlying understanding that underneath it all they are really not that different. That they have both suffered, and are both trying to make the most of a power with a difficult legacy. (This brings me to the next point because -)

- “It’s your power, isn’t it?”/“It’s yours! Your quirk, not his!” Yeah. I don’t even have to explain this one I think, everyone knows it’s THE tddk moment. I’ll forever die on the hill that Todoroki should’ve found out about OFA sooner and we should’ve had a direct reversal while Midoriya was still struggling with thinking of OFA as his quirk instead of All Might’s and Todoroki repeats Midoriya’s words right back at him. I mean, Horikoshi LOVES to do that (see: repetition of “body moved without thinking”, “meddling when you aren’t asked to is the essence of being a hero”, “that’s what friends are for, right?” etc) the setup was RIGHT THERE, like taking my shipping goggles or whatever off for a second I think it would’ve been a great addition to the story regardless bc it’s an example of how Midoriya has helped other people AND a reminder that he has not quite conceptualized the advice he gives others for himself! Even without that though, we see how important this moment was to Todoroki literally throughout the rest of his arc, to the point that

- “Midoriya, this is my power. Thank you.” IF WE DIDNT GET TDRK TELLING MDYA THAT OFA WAS HIS QUIRK, AT LEAST WE GOT THIS. MY GOD. I was trying to go mostly chronologically, but since we’re talking about a follow-up to “It’s your power, isn’t it?” I HAD to mention this scene next. It’s a really lovely moment because 1) it’s an acknowledgement of how much Todoroki’s grown (which he did on his own! Midoriya reminded him of why he wanted to become a hero in the first place, and he had a lot of support from friends (& teachers/family) but TODOROKI decided to put in the work to become the kind of hero he wanted to be!) and 2) it’s a reminder to Midoriya that he has made a positive impact and helped the people around him, which I think he’s probably struggling with since this is like. Soon after his dropout arc iirc. (Also: it’s a cool new super move that Todoroki developed himself to try to create a better future for his family!! Which, setting aside how beautiful it is that Todoroki has crafted his fire into something that won’t hurt, is also fun bc Midoriya loves quirks and gets to nerd out over Todoroki’s cool new move lol)

- TODOROKI SHOWING UP TO THE STAIN FIGHT. Todoroki has been friends with Midoriya for like a week and gets a location pin with no other context and IMMEDIATELY deduces that 1) Midoriya’s not the kind of guy to randomly drop his location so 2) he must be in danger, and 3) IMMEDIATELY TELLS ENDEAVOR HE’S GOING TO CHECK OUT THE LOCATION AND TO BRING BACKUP TO THERE AFTER HE’S DONE FIGHTING BC HE THINKS HIS FRIEND’S IN TROUBLE. When he actually shows up the first thing he says is something like “Midoriya you should include more details at a time like this. It took me a while to figure out what you meant and I could’ve been too late” but we literally see in the flashback that he figured this all out in like 2 seconds and IMMEDIATELY came to support Midoriya AND SECURED BACKUP. Every person in Midoriya’s phone received the location pin and expressed various levels of curiosity/concern about it in hindsight but Todoroki figured it out right away and immediately came to help (this isn’t a knock on the rest of 1a btw iirc the rest of them weren’t even in Hosu so there’s not anything they really could’ve done about it besides report it - which iirc Kirishima did -, it’s just that Todoroki WAS in Hosu and DID figure it out so he immediately went to help and it was that simple for him). Todoroki also just like. Instantly accepts that ok, Midoriya and Iida were fighting a serial killer, Guess He’s Also Fighting A Serial Killer Now. ALL THIS FOR HIS FRIEND OF A WEEK. This is one of the core tenets of tddkism to me: they are as ride-or-die as they come. Also notable: Midoriya is not generally in the habit of asking for help. The fact that he did, knowing nothing might come of it, AND TODOROKI SHOWED UP EXACTLY WHEN HE NEEDED HIM??? Can we acknowledge how much that probably meant to Midoriya. Also the start of tdiimd as a trio, which this post isn’t really about, but I can’t completely leave Iida out when talking abt the stain fight that’d be fucked up :(

- “We’ll protect them together”. Yes ik, another Stain fight moment, but I believe this line deserves its own point because, again, Todoroki has been Midoriya’s friend for like a week. Immediately prior to Todoroki saying this, he tells Midoriya that his plan is risky. It’s one thing to recognize Midoriya’s text as a call for help and run to be his backup, it’s another thing to let Midoriya take the strategic lead when he’s already injured and the plan itself could be dangerous. But Todoroki puts his trust in Midoriya and says they’ll protect them together, showing his confidence in Midoriya’s strategic prowess AND battle planning ability.

- “You’re a kind person, Todoroki”. Ok I’ll get this out of the way: I have issues with how the writing of this chapter could be read as implying that being a kind person automatically means you have to forgive the person who hurt you. Ik Midoriya tells Todoroki that it’s ok not to forgive Endvr if he doesn’t want to, but the way he follows it up with the fact that he’s a kind person and the assumption that he wants to forgive Endvr...aren’t my favorite. I think it kind of makes sense for Midoriya to think like this given his own experiences (and also. Midoriya is 15, some of his wording is gonna be a little bit awkward sometimes, so I don’t think that’s the only possible interpretation of what he said), but I wish that if that was the intention, there’d be a moment later on where this view was challenged and Midoriya really internalized that you can be kind and still not forgive someone who’s hurt you. THAT BEING SAID, of all the things that Todoroki is called on a regular basis, and of all the qualities Todoroki associates with himself, I don’t think “kind” is necessarily one of them. “Kindness” was not exactly a virtue that Endeavor seemed to prioritize instilling in him (and though Rei probably would’ve, she WAS absent for much of Shouto’s childhood), and he spent so much time building his walls and striving to defy his dad that it’s not something people tend to immediately pinpoint about him. Todoroki really IS kind though, and Midoriya recognizes that AND makes it a point to tell him. For Todoroki, who has worked on himself quite a lot, and just invited friends to his house probably for the first time ever + gone through a tense family dinner in front of them, I think that probably meant a lot (and his expression in that panel is so cute. Ough).

- “Thank you for being Shouto’s friend”. I think the fact that Fuyumi recognized how meaningful their friendship was and thanked Izuku for it was so significant for both of them, like neither of them, as far as we know, HAD a lot of friends prior to attending UA so the acknowledgement that it is a big deal that they befriended each other is special <3

- Tdrk catching Mdya (and bkg and endvr but this ain’t about them) during the first war arc. He doesn’t know shit about OFA at this point but he followed Midoriya to the front lines anyways.

- Todoroki tucking Midoriya in in 327 and putting a hand on his shoulder in 32…8? 9? Fuck if I know I haven’t read the manga in ages. Anyways. These are both tiny moments but I’m grouping them together bc they really show how Todoroki is there for Midoriya, in the way that he’s always noticing things about him, that he’s RELIABLE, he WANTS to be there for Midoriya like Midoriya was there for Todoroki and that manifests both in following him into terrifying fights and in the small gestures of support. Todoroki NOTICES when something’s wrong, and when he has the necessary context he steps up to help.

Bonus mentions:

- the “are you all might’s secret love child or something?” convo in its entirety. Between the Todoroki Family Trauma Dump, Midoriya sympathizing with Todoroki and realizing that despite how different their lives have been, they’re very similar, the beginning of Midoriya’s desire to help Todoroki, and the beginning of Midoriya really Seeing Todoroki, it sets the groundwork for the start of something beautiful

- AFO: “pay close attention to them, tomura shigaraki. These two could prove to be formidable obstacles to you one day”. / AM: “they may have more in common than they realize. They both have such an intense vibe about them.” The fact that both AFO and AM comment on the tdmd sports festival match leads me to believe that originally their relationship (in the original story I’m talking about the platonic sense but read this any way you will since. This IS a post abt why I ship them) was supposed to be more central to the plot, in this essay I will - (<- ramblings of a crazy person but like!!! Both AM and AFO!! And you’re telling me it didn’t mean anything??? Come on!!)

- Also “you’re helping your opponent. You’re a fool.” Their matching maniacal grins after Midoriya prompts Todoroki to use his fire. Todoroki’s softer smile and little tear. Mdya’s “Amazing…”. Them immediately deciding to go full force regardless if it kills them (IMPORTANT FACT ABOUT THEM IS THAT THEY’RE INSANE <3). “Midoriya…thank you.” (OUGHHHHHHHHH 😭😭😭)

- MDYA YELLING “DONT GIVE UP” DURING THE TDRK/BKG MATCH AND FOR A BRIEF MOMENT TODOROKI STARTS USING HIS FIRE AGAIN. Ik he ultimately doesn’t end up using his fire, but that makes SENSE, you can’t process all that trauma immediately, it takes time!! The fact that for a moment, Midoriya’s voice was enough to allow him to use his fire so soon after his life-altering revelation in the tdmd match is so important to me though :( (and the fact that Midoriya’s willing to 1) root for Todoroki and 2) root for him loud enough that both Todoroki and Bkg can hear,,, ohh tdmd are so special to me)

- their little convo at the training camp. “You have a habit of sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong” lol (paraphrased). Underrated tdmd thing is that they’re willing to tell it to each other straight. But also, the genuinely good advice of “words themselves aren’t enough, actions are also needed to get through to someone” (again, paraphrased) (reminder of how Mdya helped Tdrk!! W/ words AND actions!! And now he’s helping Mdya help Kota!)

- “I don’t know, I think heroes cry when they need to probably” - acknowledges Mdya’s crying as a positive trait bc when he’s not crying it means he’s repressing things, also serves as a reminder that heroes are people too (a similar sentiment to Uraraka’s “who will save the heroes when they need saving?”). Serves to remind Mdya that his crying doesn’t make him less of a hero + it’s ok to feel things. Also Tdiimd.

- “You can’t even cry”/“Let us share that burden together” (this is like. Veeeery paraphrased I’m sorry I don’t have access to the chapter and I’m too lazy to rewatch). The whole class said very meaningful things to try to get Midoriya to come back, but even though he wasn’t ultimately the one to fully get through to him (SHOUTOUT TO IIDA ILY IIDA THIS POST ISNT ABOUT HIM EITHER BUT JUST KNOW I CANT WATCH THAT SCENE WITHOUT TEARING UP THEY R SO DEAR TO ME) Todoroki’s is one of my favorites bc sure maybe he doesn’t understand what it’s like to have no quirk and then suddenly have a quirk that’s actually seven quirks and have a pretty much all-powerful supervillain hunting him down but he DOES understand the burden of trying to shoulder the crushing legacy of a top hero, and here he reaches out to Midoriya once more reminding him that his tears are a good thing and offering to share the burden and help Midoriya like Midoriya’s helped him.

- Light novel moments: Mdya teaching Tdrk how to make AM origami and Tdrk sending it to Rei, Tdrk going to return Mdyas pencil and admiring Mdyas AM figure and Mdya trying to give it to him bc he has another one but Tdrk refuses bc he doesn’t want to damage it so he suggests he just come visit it instead (I haven’t read the light novels but I’ve seen these excerpts and I love them dearly) (these are just all really cute it’s nice to see what they’re like outside of doing hero stuff)

- Todoroki’s “Midoriya Sense” (yes this is a fandom joke based on like the stain incident + noticing smth was up during the “heroes cry too” incident + Todoroki asking abt him before the cultural festival etc but it IS genuinely very sweet that Todoroki is always looking out for Midoriya and trying his best to help when he can)

- TODOROKI TELLING MIDORIYA TO REMOVE THE BATTERIES FROM HIS PHONE SO THE GOVERNMENT COULDNT TRACK HIM WHILE HE WAS ON THE RUN BC HE WAS A MURDER SUSPECT. Now I haven’t watched the third movie so I may be wrong about the details but it was VERY funny of Tdrk to be like “did you kill people??? Never mind that actually here’s how to avoid the government” (paraphrased for comedic effect)

-“Midoriya and the others” (cute, something Shouto says…several times lmao) (Izuku has also said “Todoroki and the others” at least once (in the first movie) but I’m not aware of it being a recurring phrase like “Midoriya and the others”)

[thegreatyin]

How did you manage to handle not one, but FOUR separate accounts in fl? I recently made the account for my HD little guy but having to do the tutorial again just seems miserable

there's... weirdly several answers to that question, actually??

a HUGE part of it is due to the way FL is structured. the 10-minute action timer is a core part of the game on a fundamental level, and the fact that i can very easily run out of stuff to do on one character and thus have an excuse to quickly and easily swap to another is just... convenient? satisfying? i'm not entirely sure how to explain it. the fact that i can make progress even while i am fundamentally simultaneously Not Making Progress is like pure dopamine for my freak insane awful little brain. there's just something really pleasing about spending all of my actions pursuing The Goal Of The Day™ on one account before casually swapping to another and doing the same without feeling like i'm wasting time or acting to the first account's explicit detriment. the downtime helps! the recharge time helps! the structure really really works!!

i'm technically only actively playing three, maybe two accounts minimum. the only reason the fourth (the one that'll be my future BaL playthrough) currently exists at all is so i can get his earlygame completely out of the way now and not have to waste time running through it all later, when what i actually want to do is play the ambition i've made myself wait a full year to play. and also getting free goodies as seasonal stuff happens,, something something surprise tools to help us later. the only two accounts i'd say i'm really "actively playing" at the moment are caeru and lark- and of the two, lark takes the most priority, since his ambition is the one i'm currently pursuing in earnest. for a couple months now- despite being My Main FL Character- the scoundrel has actually been pretty inactive on a gameplay front outside of the occasional progression in TLC and discordance content. purely by virtue of having Very little left to do outside of Very long-term grinds and vanities. they're in their "now what?" "now you can start playing the game" era. they've graduated to previous protagonist background cameo in a sequel anime series. they're like the yin FLPC equivalent of red at the top of mount silver. they're Literally just vibing rn. i only keep posting about them regardless because i'm insane and i will never ever ever ever ever let that bat go. but yeah, big TLDR, outside of doing the bare minimum to keep making waves/notability up every week, i'm not actually spending that much time on accounts i'm not currently actively interested in playing. and that accounts for way more gaming spoons than you might think.

i have a virtually lifelong history of playing MMOs, especially and specifically world of warcraft. i was born in the endless grind for useless video game pixel vanities and/or bragging rights. molded by it. you all have merely adapted to doing the same piece of content a pointlessly excessive amount of times for literally no reason besides whimsy and folly. me? i've done my time. i've served my sentence. i've spent weeks doing the original burning crusade netherwing dailies. i've devoted days to running praetorium over and over and over again, back-to-back, nonstop, long before square enix cut it in half and made it NOT take at minimum an hour and a half per run. i've perfected my silverwastes + auric basin goldfarming strategies. i've (almost) crafted dragonwrath tarecgosa's rest. i've killed the sha of anger so many times its dying scream of agony is embedded into the very fabric of my being. ""only"" doing making your name content four times over? that is nothing to me. it means nothing to me. it is so infinitesimal i can do the persuasive seduction quests in my sleep. it's not a matter of handling misery, or having the capacity, or even sighing as i remember the brass embassy raid segment of the watchful questline seriously i don't know why i keep forgetting that exists or what even is my problem with it i just am so consistently mildly inconvenienced by it and its highly specific resource requirements and it is the worst thing ever. maybe i'm just so used to the scoundrel's near-infinite money and troves of disposable items that i've completely forgotten what being poor is like. despite having done that step 3 fucking times now. ahem. anyway. i have transcended the feeble mortal bindings of my resistant-to-grinding flesh and ascended to a higher plane of enlightenment, they may call me insane but they will be the ones left laughing when they see what that "insanity" has wrought, i've usurped them, i've usurped them all-

hacks and coughs and awkwardly clears my throat. i mean. uh. um. Ahem.

the empress' court artistry + tales of the university nerfs helped too.

[svtskneecaps]

yea once again i am really hoping it's not a full blown server, i sincerely do not think qstudios is ready for that kind of undertaking and ngl i'm not either. like as much as i go fucking wild for the multilingual communications, even if by some miracle they completely fixed the legal side of things there's some other stuff that's raising some red flags for me so uh.......

.......can i rant about time zones i just want to rant about time zones i've been sitting on this for like half a year and getting more and more like ??!?!?!!?!?!!!?!!?!!!?!!?!!?

like first of all there have been europeans since the fucking first day of the server and yet very rarely were events scheduled at euro-friendly times and when they WERE it felt like it was because the french fans beat the studio into doing it, which they obviously should not have to do and it would have been SO easy to just hold a couple events at euro friendly times instead yknow trade it off like shared custody because we have the update accounts and if it's on a weekend some americans can just wake up before noon and still catch it live. it would have been so easy i don't get why the euro fans had to fight so hard for this.

secondly why in the fuck would you invite people to a server that is entirely about collaboration without making sure there would be people online during their usual hours and YES this is about the koreans, why in god's name would that not be included as a consideration? the only reason yd interacted with as many people as she did was because she fucked up her sleep schedule like that shouldn't be a requirement. i can think of a couple "blue sky" (i.e. idealistic with no regard for real feasibility) solutions, like "invite a few people from an existing language that stream in that time frame" or "invite another language group in that rough time zone", but honestly i'm flabbergasted. did we not consider this or did we just decide we didn't care?? there's a fucking half day difference between the prioritized server timezone and korea. sorry, but it's a multicultural server; you can't prioritize america forever, even if the server owner is from there

third and less importantly but why in god's name was pepito going to be given a european admin. most of pepito's parents don't come online before midnight in europe. that's fucking insane. that was doomed to fail from the beginning. obviously this is small potatoes in terms of pepito but what the fuck was that. who fucking signed off on that.

[memento-morri-writes]

This is far from my best work, but it's 1:30am, and I needed to get this down before I slept or lost my mind. So here, take a snippet of Rook seeing Zara again for the first time in 3 years.

Trying, and failing, to keep his voice from shaking, [Rook] said “Hello, Captain.” Mouth still open in surprise, [Zara] replied “Well, hello yourself.” The reality of what she was seeing seemed to hit her as she rounded the desk. “Rook, is that really you?” He nodded. “It’s me.” Zara ran towards him, stopping just short of touching him, and said “What did she do to you?” Rook’s heart stuttered and he had to brush his fingers together to confirm Sigmar’s ring was still in place. Could she possibly see through its illusion? But then he remembered what Lanny had said. She knew where you were. His throat clenched and he choked out “Two years.” A wave of grief swept across Zara’s face as she said “I’m so, so sorry.” Rook shook his head vigorously. “It’s not your fault.” Zara ignored him. “It is my fault. I failed you. As your captain, it’s my responsibility to keep you safe, and I failed you.” Rook wanted to say something, to reassure her, but she pushed on. “She sent me letters, told me all the terrible things she was doing to you. I… I let you down.” Those words hit Rook with the force of a dozen cannonballs. Lanny had said that Zara knew Wolf had him, but knowing that Zara had been aware of what Wolf was doing to him… somehow that was more painful than any wound Wolf had ever inflicted. He barely managed to force his next words out around the lump in his throat. “Where were you?” And why didn’t you come? “She said she’d kill you if I came to get you. Or if I hired anyone to get you. You’re standing here because I stopped sailing.” 

(honorary one-time tag for @space-writes bc I remember you enjoyed my other bits about Rook and Zara.)

[mysterious-corpse]

so fucking upset. i looked up what's considered concerning weight loss and got a statistic. i looked up the same question but specified teens and i got a bunch of articles about how to lose weight. what the fuck

[secondpersonpoetry]

hi! oh my goodness. i am SO sorry i didn’t say anything earlier. i did read everything a couple days ago, and i Have been chewing on it, rotating it in my mind, etc etc…..and the graphic has been my phone lockscreen since i first read it!!!!!

frankly i am obsessed and have also been a little frazzled this month lol. saw your post late because of the general whirlwind that is december and then couldn’t quite get my thoughts into sufficient words n got worried “oh no would it be weird to say something now…..” which is incredibly silly in retrospect, so sorry for that. 

i’m relatively new to hockey fandom and the Narratives don’t always quite click for me (yet, at least :)) because i don’t know all of the lore for a lot of the popular pairings haha, so it means a lot that you’ve taken time out of your day to break things down for me and share your own thoughts <3 tysm. again, super sorry for the delayed response. i’m very sorry if you felt as though you’d wasted your time or something along those lines :’) just wanted to let you know that i really appreciate you and the time it took you to get everything down and make the graphic!!!! and like i can’t overstate how much your tags both over here and on your other blog have helped me to Get It since the start of this season, so thank you.

but now the house is quiet, the in-laws are gone, and no new work stuff until january :) so i can finally get some stuff down. every point you brought up hits in it own way but gosh you are very incredibly right the mcstrome of it all…..that’s sort of the lens i’ve been listening to the song through since you mentioned it.

the golden boy and the “draft bust” and the ever present notion of “isn’t it all about old friends? like everything? all of it?”.  like idk looking back on a bestfriendship from when you were a teenager that was Super intense and the lines were blurred and maybe realizing (if you hadn’t had the words or the “guts” or awareness or wtv to put a name to it at that point in your life) that y’all were a smidge more than just friends. 

best friends forever until you just aren’t! growing up and growing apart. it’s just the way things go but it can and will ache for a damn long time! you think you’re over it until their birthday or the holidays roll around and you wonder in a distant sort of way who they’re spending it with. what you would’ve hypothetically gotten them as a present if you still spoke. what do they even like nowadays, anyway?

maybe having the friendship end subtly. going from playing and traveling together and living in one another’s pockets to 2,080 miles of distance? (i may have my timeline/details confused here so sorry in advance) texting as much as you can at first but he’s a phenom he’s mcjesus he’s the next in line he’s expected to win the cup with his new team and end the drought for Canada. and they have him now but he was yours first, wasn’t he? but it’s fine. because you’re busy too. you’re captaining the team now. you’re gonna get the memorial cup that he couldn’t. it’s fine. you’re fine. you don’t even have time to worry about it anyway. 

one conversation a week turns to one a month turns to once in a blue moon turns to stale words until it goes cold. these days you can’t quite seem to remember who ended things, but does it really matter all that much now?

or maybe it doesn’t end like that at all. maybe it ends in a flurry of angry words and digs in some or other of the endless hotel rooms you’ve shared together over the years. who knows!

and that’s not even getting into the rest of the 2015 draft class. or the ld19 of it all! ooh hoo hoo. you grew up with him but he’s not your waiting room. he grew up with you but he’ll grow “old” (end his career) with someone else. and isn’t that just something! 

i don’t think it’s totally them, but sort of the sentiment of “I hope you get everything you ever wanted and I hope I never hear a word about it.” I want one ticket off of your carousel!!!! merry christmas, please don’t call!!!!!!!

dylan being sent up and down and traded around until finally landing in washington, a place where he is clearly at home and LOVED for the guy and player he is!!!!!!!! watching a game and seeing all the strome jerseys in the crowd……..wagh.

all that said. some other songs that are mcstrome to me in various ways: hot & heavy by lucy dacus (lol kinda the whole song). before the world was big by girlpool (“i just miss how it felt standing next to you wearing matching [jerseys? sweaters?] before the world was big”). happiness by Taylor swift (“i guess it’s the price i pay for seven years in heaven”), cut your bangs by radiator hospital (maybe? possibly? unsure. i like the whole dog thing there). i’m so glad i feel this way about you by insignificant other (!!!!!). there are so many THEM lyrics in there……..waough.

anyway. other things off the top of my head: 2015 connor specifically saying something like “hey let’s wait a minute so we can see this” to stand by the stage when dylan was getting drafted after him. MAN. you reminded me of the fact that they couldn’t even make eye contact at the handshake line!!!!!!!!! they didn’t go to each other’s weddings!!!!!!!!!! (do you think once upon a time they ever thought they’d being each other’s best man?). just a couple months ago dylan liking the tweet of connor getting that goal during the playoffs!!!!!!!! makes you wonder if he texted him………..

lol this was all over the place and i was probably wrong on some things and there’s SO much more that someone else could say way more eloquently, but i digress. i dunno everything about them is so nuts to me!!!!! needless to say i will be incredibly sat for the game january 21 🙂‍↕️

thank you again for your time :) hope you have a good one and a happy rest of the holiday season! <3333333

what a lovely message to receive 🥰😭🥹 i had to break it up into chunks because i couldn't sit down to read all of it at once without just. bouncing right back up and shrieking. i am also at heart terribly shy so i understand the struggle but it is never too late to say something <3 you are always welcome here

first!!! i love sharing!! i think most of hockey tumblr loves to see people finding out the Lore for the first time and the wonderful thing about hockey is that. it keeps going on. so there's years and years and generations and generations and always something new to learn about. i've learned to just not be afraid to ask!!! between different teams and players i'm always discovering new narratives (learning about the sharks old man yaoi rn... cbj rarepairs...)

no... to my heart's despair... you have the timeline right. i think in the best most tragic sense there's a mcstrome narrative where it is truly that nothing went wrong. the love was there. we couldn't do enough to save it because we didn't see it slipping away. i didn't notice when you didn't call until you never did. i don't know you now but i still remember when i did, do you?

HE'S NOT YOUR WAITING ROOM?? passing out. i do see "i hope you get everything you ever wanted and i hope i never hear a word about it" as them because!! they didn't go to each other's weddings!!! i don't wish you harm but i'm not going to put myself through that!! i hope you're happy and i'm never going to look on purpose.

i love dylan strome so much and the best part is that they all love him so much too. he wore a cool vintage ovechkin jacket!! and got slapped in the face with a tortilla!! he loves to gently rag on the rookies!! it just takes some time, everything'll be just fine. you're only on the middle of the ride.

OKAY WHEN I READ THIS PART I SCREAMED BECAUSE I DO HAVE A MCSTROME PLAYLIST AND!!!! HOT & HEAVY BY LUCY DACUS IS IN FACT ON IT!!! SO IS CUT YOUR BANGS (BUT BY GIRLPOOL SO DOUBLE JINX)!!!! i have dorothea by taylor swift on there but i don't know happiness so i'll have to give all the other songs a listen. mostly i just shrieked because i was like NO YOU GOT THE VIBES EXACTLY

🧠〰️🧠 truly the mind meld happening here. the handshake line. the mutual wedding non-invitations. i won't block your number or your name on twitter i just hope i don't see it come up on screen!! i do think that we got confirmation the last time they played each other that dylan did text him to say congrats on a milestone but i would have to check the archives

p.s. i think you said it perfectly eloquently :) what matters is that you said it at all and i was delighted to read it 💕

[ratcandy]

unrelatedly to everything I don't recommend getting bitten by ticks. I recommend even less waking up in the morning only to find three of them already hanging out on you. I recommend EVEN LESS THAN THAT the experience of sitting alone in the middle of your dorm room having to get them out of your Own Skin as quickly and carefully as possible with a pair of tweezers .

And god forbid you just took a vector-borne disease class the semester before this event happened so now all the possible diseases a tick can transmit are just fresh in ur brain . and of course this is your first time getting bitten by ticks

[sportsthoughts]

.

[kakusu-shipping]

hi omg your tags on my post have given me SO much motivation i need to figure out a s/i design it'd be so fun to have our self inserts interact....... also thank you for reminding me i need to watch more mushishi i really enjoyed the little bit of it i watched - @popdearest

BANGING ON THE TABLE

Mushishi is my FAVORITE anime EVER and I simply want everyone to watch it please watch it and tell me what you think and if you end up joining the Aro!Ginko Polycule there's quite a few of us and there's always room for more <3

[crossbackpoke-check]

Sometimes, I will come across your blog and read certain tags on certain pairs because, What? What? How are your thoughts my thoughts? How is someone else expressing (so perfectly) what I thought existed only in my head? The references (warm leftovers, please. Feel horribly proprietary over that poem.), the memes, the word choices. I know we all grew up on the same internet, but it's like we grew up in the same corner.

It rattles me each time it happens and yet, the next time I return, and wander through, reading along as if we were walking through my local arboretum and you were rambling and I was nodding along. Consider this ask my version of a reply in the arboretum world.

i-

when i got this i just had to sit there and read your message a few times because that is one of the loveliest compliments i’ve ever gotten and i hope you know i am overjoyed to be here rambling to you 💕 to have touched you in some way!! to form a connection!!! and all i can say is thank you and i love you and i would love to go for a walk in the arboretum with you any time

[dootznbootz]

There's something so specifically infuriating when someone uses one of your experiences or your demographic in an argument, especially if said argument is about spreading hatred or is just so wrong. They "speak on behalf of the ___" to say such fucked shit.

"You're not thinking of the ___!"

"I literally am ___. You saying that adds nothing as you do not speak for me or for other ___. Shut up."

[essektheylyss]

Hey, would you be cool with other people writing fics in the specific universe of tief? With Fortune Lavorre?

Hello! I just realized I had half-typed up an answer to this and completely forgot to finish it, so apologies that this is deeply, deeply overdue!

I am absolutely cool with it, with a few caveats but only of the disclaimer sort. (And that's not even to say that they're necessarily things that pertain to you, but I figured if I was commenting now I should just lay my thoughts out there, in case anyone else goes looking.)

I'm personally of the mind that transformative works of a transformative work are just as fine as the original transformative work itself, though I know that not everyone agrees. I'm not going to begrudge anyone their own personal rights for how their writing is used, but I have always felt that it would be hypocritical of me to consider it in any other way. (I'll spare you my deconstructive essay on the nature of transformative works in modern culture or I'll take another month to answer lol.)

That being said, the disclaimers! First, I will probably write more in that universe, and as such I will... probably not read other folks' dabblings in it. Not because I would be uninterested, but because I do take the author-ly point of view in that I want your works to be yours, and mine to be mine, so I don't want to find that I've inadvertently snatched up a plot from someone else without realizing. And in a similar vein, attribution of what you're riffing off of would be nice, but at the very least please don't, I don't know, claim that I've totally vetted it and it's definitely fully canon to the original work, or something of the sort. Both because of the aforementioned, I will write further things and I don't want to garner any confusion, your works are yours and mine are mine, and also because if anyone for any reason wanted to come complain to me about a fic, I'd much prefer it was indeed my fic.

(Like I said, I don't presume you need any of that noted in particular—just figured I should note it, since in general I am pretty laissez-faire when it comes to transformative works as a whole haha.)

[unproduciblesmackdown]

i think i've only seen a soma playthrough twice and the first time i didn't absorb it great lol but upon just some light brushing up (incl a short article that was one of the few results that cropped up when i was like "show me the images for 'soma's save feature featured fisting, right' (yeah basically)") it's like, it's always fun when you're just left with a lot of room to Interpret Themes and unsurprisingly at this juncture i'm lasering in on just, like, the matter of [the self vs the other] via this premise that basically people can just make a copy of their Psyche at any point (but needing to find a new & different Soma in which to upload it but like, largely setting that aside when In This Scenario the new bodies don't affect their minds / sense of self at all....except for when they sometimes do? or maybe not. the like glitchy monsters are just kind of WAU automatons, right. and the people are all able to act / communicate themselves as people, though they might be affected by like, existential crises over the goings on) wherein like....the protagonist can Split In Two* at a few points via the psyche copying/uploading, and then the game Follows the copy that will be continuing to advance the plot, and the version of the protagonist we Were following is now An Other even though it's like, that was The Self (at least insofar as that was our first person pov player character) up till just now. and the protagonist can Know like, yeah that's You right over there also. and yet iirc from like, yesterday's light research, in the first instance he at least gets the Option to kill that Other/Self who was, up till just then, the Self to us too, if that makes him feel better abt the existential crisis, or at least discomfort, enough to like, keep moving right along lol (speaking of. just the other day i was like "adagioly onomatopoeiaing the opening banjo strums of rainbow connection from the muppet movie soundtrack does so much for me" and then i learned it was the anniversary of its theatrical release. hell yes. also memorably once when like marinating for hours in a general malaise & failing to find the wherewital to get up i was like "haha oh wait. i'm playing the song 'movin right along' from the muppet movie in my head. okay" up & at em)

anyways the fisting article (which, i was wondering what thoughts it would have on that truly interesting facet of the game. mostly it posited that the uhh sphincteresque penetration of it all would be Typically considered to make cishet men anxious / threatened / vulnerable, and notes the protagonist (hypothetically a cishet man) is indeed trepidatious about it, while also arguing he markedly Doesn't really hesitate in shit that hurts or endangers others in the course of his shit (though ig that can also depend on the player? haven't really rewatched it recently enough to know how much his dialogue adds to [as a character though he's making it clearer he just wants to cut a swath through your shit asap]) and also questions whether the game thinks of (or, from their argument, knows of) the protag as pretty sphincteresque himself. and like yeah probably imo lol like thee ending being what it is, and as far as i know no like Multiple Endings like in amnesia series* stories usually, and thus more room to have a protagonist who talks to characters in the present and i think like, without the ability to choose what he says

anyways that the protagonist can Understand like, hey see that guy over there, that's literally also you rn, and yet he can [Not accept that] in one case such that he'll kill that Self for "his own" Self's comfort really, as the fisting article expressed, to continue believing he is Unique and the One True Self, the only Real [himself]. when, to be sure, the game Could have kept the first person pov on that version of him we'd Been up till then, and had that pov of the one killed. or maybe left behind in another instance, i don't remember all the "transfers"....catherine Explicitly explaining that only the copy/upload format is possible, Not Transfers, making sense what with like. her magic brain scans that can can wholly parse & store your Psyche data, whatever that'd be like, definitely not being meant to, say, Extract the person's Psyche from their living human body upon doing so. while the ending's drama comes from the game Now staying with the version of the protag who'd been our first person pov character prior to that "transfer," who is Again like "why am i still here" despite having the "it's not actually a transfer" explained, b/c This version Just So Happens to be the copy of the copy of the copy like simon(4) or (5) or whatever and ofc can't have been the one(s) already just left behind somewhere back there in the complex or he wouldn't have been able to be at that point in the first place. and then "killing" catherine b/c he's so pissed, i remember it as him hitting whatever device was her effective Soma, but the article i think suggested she just got too stressed in turn and that Output fried the device. while, of course, post credits shows us their "transferred" selves just fine chilling in the ark like whew glad all that's done with

anyways just getting around to the fact of how it's easy to land on catherine as the center of the game....and of course she's the one really Not having crises over [my god, copies of my Self] or others' selves or what all, having even less of a usual Soma than simon but rolling with it, and evidently having already fully absorbed her Self as a distinct version from her original Self, despite having the same links to her that make simon or anyone else who's been copied into whatever other Soma feel like he's continuously been Himself(tm), the one true Real Self he's always been....and like, naturally catherine being the one behind the entire project of [what if we copy/paste people's psyches into a big ol mmorpg server & shoot it into space so that Maybe something can happen with them / in a way they can continue to exist] so she's Been thinking of, you know, being separate from these Selves turned Others who you'll jettison into space beyond even the body of the earth. unless it's supposed to stay in orbit lol i do not remember the details....and ofc like plenty of other people are like wow that's Fucked Up or it's Not Us and like, the latter sure is true with with the [copying, not transferring] element, but also the former is more choose your own adventure (interpretation) when the game isn't about like, and the simulation Is fucked up, or there's any element of distress or dissonance to existing on the ark, though you can't really know that until the post credits scene confirms you're just hanging out for real....which, that article was also going in on the character who's on this quest to kill the WAU as like "the versions of us it makes isn't Real it's Corrupting" and like, arguably the WAU as just kind of, naturally, something capable of growing, and doing so, and the real problem seeming to come in with the [doing whatever for supposed safety but superceding/supplanting/displacing autonomy in doing so] like, people who did not agree to whatever was done re: their Somas or they would've remembered & been like yeah i'm hanging out as a robot now, or a goop guy, gunk [YES], etc. but separate from that obvious issue it's like, my guy, You're a copy made by the WAU now lol, you're your whole person that you are, with the thoughts & feelings to decide you wanna go on a quest to destroy it, and whatever capacity to pursue it....either way i think the game makes it clear enough the WAU is a Neutral force exercising no conscious discernment, it Is a body, or it's some body (once told me) anyways lol, though i guess i did just go "those Monsters that can chase you are just wau manifestations right" so that's getting kind of complex lol, but even that can be taken as, like, it Mimicking human's shapes & bipedality & other external characteristics, i guess, and just the way an overall theme can be [hmm where's that division between the soma and psyche, machine and ghost] the WAU has been expanding and making various forms of itself, and of humans, and that's also an element of the fisting that starts out as a fingering and can end with having to leave part of yourself in WAU's core if you have completed the choice to corrupt & destroy it, that Connection and Interfacing is required, with increasing [get it in there] required as well though there's no given clear in universe reason why (w/my theory here being: just the Themes of the increasing interaction / reducing Boundary)

where was i going with this. idk naturally there's people like "well you don't have to see the wau as evil or at least required to be destroyed" like yeah one can imagine the case for that, wherein again this one guy's hypothetically mad abt like oh it can't be Us it's making, like, brother in christ You are here as You are b/c of what wau did, if you don't think You're legitimate enough, how can you be dead set on pursuing any decision you make. but also the lack of autonomy wherein wau has (probably? again would have to rewatch) killed people to transfer them to a less fragile soma, but a) also maybe it's just acted when people were already dying / killed from other causes, and naturally there's the Everyone There Doomed To Die Fairly Imminently factor and b) that [wau's neutral / purely soma no psyche (or is it. etc)] aspect that is that classic mixup of wau just acting on its programming in a way unintended by its programmers re protecting life and c) i think WAU can sure be interpreted as a parallel counterpart to the ark project, where people agreed to the latter, & get to chill with simulated bodies in a simulated world, versus the WAU being that [body, world, realm of physical existence] which is funky & Not like a cool nice recreation of the usual world & is also at the bottom of the ocean, but it's sure trying to extend the existence of ppl's psyches by shoving them into whatever robots or slapping together parts or propping up their original body or what all, i don't remember that many of the characters encountered

Anyways Back To Catherine For Real. i'd forgotten this element completely, but that when catherine finds out her original self had been killed by crewmates (lol. amongst) for being set on carrying out the plan for the ark, Her Project, (i.e. launching it into space (risking that launch going incorrectly) vs keeping it on site at the bottom of the ocean here (theoretically less risky, according to at least the crewmate who killed her about her insisting on launching it anyways)) and catherine's copy / now alternate self comments on being like, a bit disappointed And surprised b/c like she says "i knew they didn't like me, but," like not thinking that dislike would lead to a semi accidental killing her (where apparently the guy who killed her may have been wearing the like powered diving suit w/the extra Strength to operate in the water pressure, like oh didn't mean to hit her That hard. in a different soma already) and seeing other ppl (not in universe) commenting on how it sure did seem to be culmination of like "the way others treated her" and how catherine always mentioned like, never having really had friends including as a crewmate here, being an Introvert....in fact, now i'm remembering that catherine doesn't even say "i knew they didn't like me, but" but rather something very close to "i know i'm not easy to like, but" like, aaaugh....like, as ever, a character or a Real Life Person sharing any particular info like "i'm [xyz]" Isn't Required for just trying to always not be ableist and to always treat other people as people even if they don't "just be normal" correctly enough, supposedly. rather than [what is "just being normal" is Correct & Good and you do Not need to undergo a continuous lifelong journey of in fact questioning this & navigating & learning how to communicate & interact & relate, you just need to fleetingly muster some superficial unhelpful Bonus efforts sometimes when you encounter the rare "exception" like someone who hands you their License To Autiste and you can let them keep their fidget cube and continue treating everyone you encounter ever organic aba style]....like, naturally in the game there's no twist where catherine turns out to be Evil or even antagonistic. she's like, patient, encouraging, friendly, helpful all throughout. she's also, ofc, simon's only guide (adding to the suspense of that [my god. my only guide was evil, and/or just my antagonist now anyways]) so he doesn't really get to pick someone he'd Like more. but that like, lifelong matter of why catherine doesn't Get to have had friends. that even as this professional associate she's treated differently, and worse, b/c you have to personally like someone & find them charming & je ne sais quoissy to Not be worse to them? it's fine to be shitty until catherine can, say, say "i've noticed you're being kind of shitty. it's probably b/c i'm autistic, officially, which i'm choosing to share with you & am now presenting my license about it, so maybe be cool about it" and then and only then go "oh ok" and Make The Exception rather than shifting your entire shitty Rule (they also would not actually really make the exception. "shoutout" too to the concept that, of course, it's actually Disrespectful to stop hating autistic ppl b/c you should treat them The Same as anyone else, and you're bringing that organic ABA all the time as part of your "just be normal" ethos life, so be sure to keep being an asshole to them & double empathy probleming putting all the depletion, extraction, punishment, losses, harms on them and all the rewards on yourself)

and like, catherine being killed b/c she was this Body who was going to take away the ark (her project / creation, which she was also just insisting on following what'd always been the plan for) wherein like, even if this guy didn't mean to kill her, he sure did after lashing out at her, same as happens w/simon in the end....and catherine also failing to be thee most "normal/default" version of a person as well by being a Woman, and probably not white either, and, of course, a nonwhite woman, also making her that much more vulnerable to being Out Of Line(tm) by just like, existing as a person & trying to do her shit, though misogyny, racism, orientalism or the like isn't explicitly invoked or especially implicitly hinted at that hard either, but it's like, how does this [scifi magical realism set in the not That distant future but material made in the way less distant past, i.e. all intents & purposes modern / current day of: in the 2010s] have Relevance beyond "would that be fucked up or what" type Invention that doesn't map on to our experiences at all....you don't Have to read into catherine twice being killed by a man who's lashing out b/c she's not delivering what he wants, but you sure don't Have to Not and be like "this is definitely No Misogyny world" like they're still being implicitly ableist b/c she's just not deemed Winsomely Likable enough, she's internalized that with that "i'm not easy to like" framing, why assume a premise of [misogyny is over] [racism is over] etc. whilest soma doesn't really proffer any scenario of like "oh if it weren't for our being able to perceive our designated Physical Differences in our human bodies, all that oppression would be over," that's not being explored even in the specific situation of its plot in the first place; people on the ark seem to have the simulation of the same bodies they originally did, ppl Can retain like, how they'd move, their voices, their sense of their bodies: elements of their physicality. and, you know, whether one even supposes there Is any meaningful body/mind division, though in soma it Is this premise like oh yeah we can digitize your psyche perfectly okay, such that your copy would experience no disruption in that Sense Of Selfness, which is what makes everything particularly like, whoah, and [wow this is just like soma] whenever something kind of invokes similar enough What Ifs but probably less engagingly lol....while also soma is flexible and spacious in letting you interpret shit, you Can defer from fisting wau to death, you don't have to be like "it's so true. thee horrors" abt the Copies Of Selves, who really just become Others to whatever now-other versions of that person, i.e. how catherine, who, as the person who wanted to scan copies of ppl's psyches & put them in a just chilling simulation server launched into space for the Chance of being copy/pasted elsewhere eventually and the chance for the participants to Exist in some form Now, and who did so, is never like, shocked or freaked out by the notion / reality of these copies' existence even though she didn't set out figuring any scans' uploads would end up on the ocean floor stations, she's not aghast & distressed in the end when after having uploaded her latest Self data to the ark & launched it, she's also Not on the ark and Still in the eventually / doomed ocean floor station, even if it's a bummer, b/c she has already just accepted That's How It Works....this [her] was not going to experience being Transferred, like she's Been saying, like she again tells simon while he's blowing up abt [why wasn't i transferred]....just clearly being an example of like, not everyone is like horrified and freaked out and like "that's fake &/or wrong" and you don't have to decide she's incorrect for being Like That, i.e. like, yep, this is the situation, i know there's the me who was killed and the me on the ark and the me here, and i know also we're also for intents and purposes separate people

all that is to say, like, yeah the Scifi What If specific [you can copy/paste your consciousness into a different soma] is there, but also you can be looking at it as just this like, pushing to thee limit of the Self(tm) and the Other(tm) insofar as imagining yourself, as the only Internality / Mind / Selfhood you have access to, as The One True Real Self and all Others as mere somas/bodies, whether you take that to as dehumanizing an extreme as you can or you just put some double standards on Others / treat them as lesser/less Real, or oh but just Sometimes, in Some Cases, which is fine and relevant to anything, rather than what's fine and relevant being to always be aware that everyone's Otherness is a matter of perspective, you're the Other to everyone else, everyone is just as The Self as everyone else, You Could Be That Other, that other Is [you] to themself, you are the "that could be you" to them....with soma, it can just be elevated to "that Other WAS you from 0.5 mmsec ago, and continues to be them, b/c they didn't experience any disruption in their existence, though now you're both in different situations of: different locations, different bodies, the awareness there's that Other Self over there now, possibly the difference of killing that self you were just copied from so you can go on feeling like the One Real Self"....but wherein like, that's just like, [What If: you Were able to wholly & accurately Know the self inside an Other? b/c it's you from 5 min ago] of like, scenarios like [what if you time traveled 5 min into the past] except wherein that case there's usually the efforts to Resolve(tm) the timeline of that One True Self one way or another, ultimately. or is there. obviously who's positing that soma is the only material to be About the "whoa lol. me as an other" concept made scifily literal or anything

anyways that like, it creates that situation wherein one Can point & go "literally literally me" but also simultaneously one Can go "that's Not literally me arrrgh" or "that's also Not literally me, matter of factly"....simon's wrangling with the Othering of his One True Self, but he can also Know, should he choose to shift to that perspective, that all the Others who aren't alternate copies of him are all Another True Selves, An Other True Self even, though ofc as per the nature of not having a collective consciousness, he Doesn't Know the accurate whole of their psyches b/c he was not ever [literally them], but he doesn't need to to know they're just as [a whole psyche in there] as his own have been. original catherine with her fellow original crewmates being othered enough by them for the dehumanization of treating her worse, her being isolated, that indeed her being killed doesn't feel separate from all that by her or by anyone else, just an escalated extreme final fatal manifestation of it, b/c nobody ever liked her in the first place and then she became a (psyche Piloting a) body getting in the way of what one guy with amplified strength at that moment wanted from the project she made to let others' psyches keep existing in some way, which was deemed valuable enough by that guy to want to commandeer it and keep it at the bottom of the ocean versus risk a launch, regardless of how you the player think of the idea

and thinking of the way you can like, effectively befriend that boxy underwater little propellered Regular Simple Robot Helper that follows you around at some point, that is, of course it can't talk to you, it's definitely Just(tm) this not-ever-a-version of a human robot for practical tasks (dyspeptical tasks, clerical tasks, hysterical tasks) and like, imagine Its interiority, get invested, try to protect it, humanize it regardless....whereas with actual humans, and their psyches in a microchip, you can kill them for not perfectly delivering whatever you wanted even when that's not what other humans ever exist to do. then simon loses the Company he still could've Gotten From catherine, [guy who killed original catherine] didn't succeed in keeping the ark unlaunched, b/c that's what you go and do....but really just thinking of that Thread that feels so extremely relevant of like, catherine copy being simon's only option sure and working With him on this mission until we stay with the edition of him who realizes it didn't lead to his escape onto the ark, i.e. always being in relation to him in a manner of a direct practical teamup & a [take it or leave it] sole option for that anyways....but that in her original, human-bodied life, she was always "oh only a little bit" dehumanized by everyone such that she is very much aware of the way that's defined & limited her life, never had friends, i know i'm difficult to like; until that dehumanization escalated to the extreme of trying to hit her to stop her from seeing her project through, and just happening to kill her, and the fact that this seems to no one just a coincidental whoopsie of a fate just entirely disconnected from the way others always saw her and treated her as this Other among others, while other [psyche/soma]s of others who are clearly not Your Self get to have friends and not be isolated and feel hard to like forever and end up killed by coworkers

tl;dr like love a text just inviting plenty of interpretations and lenses and perspectives, ofc gonna look at it like whoa it's anarchy in there (political cats sense) where are the borders where you are thee self above thee other....soma providing that thinnest boundary of like, yeah that mf over there? there but for the [being in a different body, in a different place, with 7 seconds of negligibly different life experience] go ye. but also the usual boundary of "that person is in a different body in a different place with a different whole life but you're [that] to them and they're just as much a person and a self and an other as you are" like catherine center of the game to me

(* just remembered i had these asterisks: sure enjoying how the premise of amnesia games effectively creates Alternate Selves b/w the protagonist's present self, with however much missing time, and past selves whose goings on are completely relevant to the in media res situation you're also tackling while obtaining pieces of that past to priovide further context/info, and how this premise manifests for different stories each time; you've even got oswald like physically divided into Two Selves in a:amfp, though iirc it's not like, psychically equivalent, kinda "regular oswald & nefarious destroy the world duplicitous oswald" lmao, classic....uhh and shoutout to penumbra being similar ish in that the protagonist's story isn't want's relevant, he's trying to find out what happened to his dad and more broadly the like underground pocket world he enters for those answers? iirc....but that soma shares that amnemonic premise of [intro] [suddenly like ???] [having to navigate your present mission & figure out the past & your Missing time] but like, thee respective Lores don't overlap really, soma obviously starts present day and takes an even more obvious leap into a future / completely different location, rather than amnesia games being set in the past with missing time of like, idk months? to even just days, uhh supposedly like [forever] in justine but that's like, i dunno sure lol, the peak mysterious / withheld protagonist really, on purpose. while naturally there's also the fact that, technically, this simon we are following at the start of the game did not actually forget anything, and that's a fun distinction despite that it otherwise initially seems like the same [amnesia] premise....and that he did kind of ""forget"" things in that original simon lived however much longer before dying, that his scan then ofc didn't retroactively include. so once again it's like, well, in amnesia ppl have likewise kind of rewound to a Past Self before the missing [crucial context to your in media res misadventure] time, w/daniel (and justine) even doing this On Purpose, though as is the nature of the amnesia series, everyone regains enough of that missing info about their goings on anyways, though you the player are Not in a story of like "wow they did Exactly the same thing again and ended up in the same place anyways" and Do get to kinda choose who they are / indeed end up with some Alternate Self, potentially, despite there being plenty of room wherein like, it's not precisely, granularly laid out Exactly Who They Are at any point anyways. only just now getting extra amnemonic lore that yes daniel got all fucked up on vitae rituals b/c that's just what happens! and people are fairly horny for it! always a possible interpretation that he was high on vitae (okay one proffered pronunciation of "curriculum vitae" (which i was like lord i feel like i've gone "what tf is that" about before but what tf is that. turns out it's what CV stands for as your specifically educational resumé) does say "vitae" would, in that case, rhyme with "nigh." other sources are listing like a million different combinations of a million different ways to pronounce each syllable. also they gotta say it a way in the game but i forget. daniel's VA apparently being some chemistry teacher? just like alchemy. not what the pope said to do, weird science, it's my creation....) anyways! the psyches diverge, the bodies don't, unless they do (oswald....uhh the guy in the bunker. lambert :( ) like catching up with The Self again, encountering extreme examples of Othering and Dehumanizing and [you are just like only a soma to me] with various means and ends of acting thusly to get xyz results