#i still have no idea where i got my autism from

[cressthebest]

sometimes i wonder who i got my autism from, and then my dad sends the family group chat four different videos of a snail he found.

[ragnars-tooth]

i completely and absolutely hallucinated the last time i read firestar apparently bc i was ten thousand percent sure russ shot beargstrom at the end. i thought that man was so dead. so imagine my surprise rereading tfe properly rn.

(i was already too confused by whos who irt the bears last time anyway so if anything its making me feel LESS stupid that i just misread a paragraph and fucked up the entire plotline for myself <- it will happen again)

consider this a public acknowledgment that it turns out idk what the hell is happening in these books, soz <3 i will continue to lie by accident and make shit up 🥰

[fellthemarvelous]

Deny. Defend. Depose.

It is clear to those of us that live in America, the only people we truly have on our side are ourselves. The ruling class has made it clear we don't matter to them.

Luigi Mangione was arrested and happened to have every single piece of evidence on him that law enforcement was looking for, including the parts for the ghost gun, inside his backpack (that he also got rid of in Central Park containing the Monopoly money???). Either he was trying to get caught or that evidence was planted. And when he was being forcefully pushed into the jail, he hollered back to the press about "injustice" and "being an insult to the intelligence of American citizens and our lived experiences."

The people have now turned against corporate America and the CEOs and billionaires are fucking terrified. Nothing the news stations are saying to us are changing our minds. The American people have finally united over this issue and there is no going back for us. Whoever did kill Brian Thompson (and theories abound on the game The Adjuster is playing because no one plays Monopoly alone) exposed the very real divide that exists between every day citizens and the extremely wealthy. Things were easier for them to control when they were able to divide us, but now that we are aware of how uncertain our future is in America and seeing just how little we matter to the people who take our money, we have realized that we have more in common with each other than the people who control every aspect of our lives. We are waking up.

There isn't one person in this country who hasn't been a victim to the predatory scam that is private health insurance. Medical debt is the leading cause of bankruptcy in America, and many of us are one ambulance ride or hospital stay away from homelessness. We all know people who have died because the insurance company denied them the treatment they needed or waited until it was too late for an approval of a medical claim to matter anymore.

Recently, I decided to be tested for autism and ADHD. Not life-threatening or anything, but my life is still in shambles and I want to know if I'm going untreated for something else. Before being tested though, I was informed that the insurance company (Aetna) has said that they were going to cover the full cost of the testing I was having (which was six hours of testing by the way). She even made sure several times that they were, in fact, going to cover it in full and they said yes.

The same day that Brian Thompson, CEO of another horrible healthcare company, was murdered in broad daylight, I received a call from that doctor's office with the woman telling me that Aetna was now telling her they never agreed to cover my testing and that they are going to bill me for $1600 (where the hell am I supposed to get that?) and she is fighting them, but considering our lives don't matter to the people who tell us what healthcare we are and are not allowed to receive, I don't think they will feel compelled to change their minds because they are bloodsucking parasites who only care about lining their pockets while I don't even have $6 lying around, let alone $1600!!

Corporate America leeches off our taxes. They take and take and take and we see nothing in return. They raise prices on insurance coverage and then deny us the very coverage that we pay for. They poison our food, price gouge our poisoned food, and then force us to pay for the treatment we get when the food makes us sick. Corporate America profits off of our hard work, our taxes, our health, our lives, our deaths.

I don't know if this will reach a larger audience or not, but I wanted to talk about it on Tumblr because this platform seems to be a crossroads for every type of creative soul. I initially brought up this idea on TikTok earlier, but I want to see if it can get traction in other places as well since I have fewer than 3,000 followers on TikTok (and I have seen a small few express interest in my idea in the hours since I posted the video.)

We're busy being lectured by politicians and the news media because while they are clutching their pearls at what happened to Brian Thompson, the rest of us do not give one single flying fuck about what happened to him. As CEO of a for-profit health insurance company, he signed off on denied claims and death for those of us who struggle to make it from one day to the next. The sicker you are, the poorer you are, the more they force you to struggle and pay. The love to deny coverage because regardless of whether we live or die, they already have the money we are forced to pay them.

I don't condone murder at all, but I also don't care that he was murdered because he was guilty of murdering so many more people in this country through legal means because it's profitable. The CEOs are scared and there are wanted posters with their names and faces popping up in places. Every CEO of every healthcare company is guilty of murdering Americans and they continue to go unpunished for it because "it's just business".

So (if you've read this far) all of this previous rambling is to say that I keep thinking about how I want to make an impression. I want to continue upsetting the billionaires and the CEOs because corporate America is full of murderers who are legally allowed to decide whether we live or die based on which outcome will give them more money.

I have thought about the idea of creating a wall/constructing a wall somewhere as an art piece or something (making a statement) that will somehow honor the memory of people who died because insurance denied them care.

I know I definitely want it to say something along the lines of "In memory of those murdered by for-profit healthcare systems in corporate America". Something blatant. Loud. Something they are forced to look at every single day. Somehow. The wall could have images of those who are gone, or names of the person who died with the name of the insurance company responsible for their death underneath. Just something to make it clear that we see them for what they are. Something to avenge those who were sacrificed so billionaires and CEOS and shareholders could brag about record profits. Something that shows the whole world that American citizens are waking up to who the real monsters are.

The Adjuster (whoever he is or is not) has fanned the flames of revolution in America. He managed to unite us in a way I can't even recall before. It's not over. We know what happened to Brian Thompson was just the beginning, and corporate America only just now realized how much we actually hate them. A single shooter has sparked an awakening in America that is starting to snowball into something much bigger.

So if there is anyone out there who might be interested in collaborating on something like this, please let me know. I know we are all tired and demoralized and we have no money. I want to make a statement though, and I love doing that through art or writing. Collaborating with other people who have been through this same shit will also probably help us unite even more.

This is a watershed moment in American history.

In the words of Kanan Jarrus, Jedi Knight,

"There is a future for us. One where we're all free. But it's up to us to make it happen."

[kyri45]

✨ShadowPeach Bio Parents Bio AU Q&A! 16/10✨

Welcome to the Q&A! A space where I can answer related or similar question about the Shadowpeach Bio Parents AU! If you submitted your ask anonimously, then you’ll have to check the whole post if it’s answered here, if it’s not, worry not! Your asks might have been used for a future comic or just in the queue~

Anonimo ha chiesto: i absolutely adore your shadowpeach bio-parents au comics they flow really nicely from post to post, and i looove the balance between angst & fluff i feel as if with shadowpeach, its always either angst or fluff- no inbetween, but somehow you've found a really nice mixture of both thanks for singlehandedly keeping me in the LMK fandom haha

Thank you! Fluff and angst keep going around each other like a microwave ahah

Anonimo ha chiesto: So like with mks monkey form does he have to deal with shedding during summer I think it would be funny if macaque and Mk got fluffier during winter. Wukong wouldn't complain about a fluffy macaque though probably like sleeping with the best plushy.

Oh man I think they do indeed haha. Pigsy would scold MK bc he keeps finding fur hair everywhere in the house

Anonimo ha chiesto: You seem like someone who knows a lot about the LMK fandom, so I must ask where does the idea of Princess Iron Fan and Macaque being sworn siblings come from? Like, is it from JTTW, and im just not aware of it, I'm still trying to learn as much as I can, and I need to actually read the book. The fact that people assume I know a lot about the fandom is so hilarious (not in a mocking way, I'm just very surprised) bc like- I watched the whole show in 1 day, speedwatched Overly sarcastic production recap of JTTW and read half of the book in a week. All of this in July. That's everything that I know from the fandom.

I think it's an headcanon. in JTTW Wukong, Macaque and DBK are all part of the brotherhood so.

Anonimo ha chiesto: First off I LOVE your comic but I have the animal autism and wanted to share some Monkey facts: monkeys don't sweat like humans do they mostly sweat on the palms and feet, areas they have no fur. For overheating monkeys mainly seek shade staying under trees , increase respiration (panting), seeking water sources. Also some species might shed for a thinner coat during summer. Sweating is an exclusively human thing and why humans have been so successful humans are persistent hunters. We would often follow herds for miles waiting for them to tire and overheat while sweating keeps us perfectly cool. Humans are also the only animal to blush. Lol Again no hate love the comic I love me some Flustered blushing gay monkeys. I just have the animal autism and wanted to info dump.

Thank you for the animal fact dump! Those were actually super interesting facts!

@draxeanlxia ha chiesto: Hey question that I have no idea if you already answered but how old is MK in your BIO Parents AU? I know people (usually) believe him to at least 18 due to China’s minimum driving age but others believe him to in his early 20s. Also Mac in your AU said was ‘grown ass man’ during the baby arc. So in your AU, how old is MK?

So. in the AU he's 21 y/o. Meaning that when he arrived to Pigsy door they saw him and went "yeah, he looks around 2/3" and from then they counted on. Buut there's also the thing that he looks a little younger than that age. I wont say anything else.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Who your Favorite Lmk character??

mmmmmmm... MK bc he's monkey now. Before season 4 probably Macaque or Wukong. But I have a "thing" for characters discovering they are actually a different species and slowly gaining new/different body features bc of that, so when I saw him flickering at the end of s4 I flew to a different universe. Literally the whole reason this AU exist is because I would die for this trope

Anonimo ha chiesto: What inspired your Human Wukong & Mac designs? Mostly because my brain looks at Macaque and thinks “Cranky middle aged pirate” meanwhile Wukong’s is “That chill gay uncle” (this is based off of purely looks by the way)

Macaque is drama queen so of course he would wear a trenchvoat during fall. plus he's old inside and outside bc of all Wukong bullshit. Wukong is your friendly neighbour who lives in a sketchy house and survives on peach sodas and chips (oh wait that's just canon Wukong.)

ainnur ha chiesto: You know I like how Wukong in your comic just compare something hot with Laozi's furnace. Like with spicy food and time he help MK created the weapon. Mk: You know Wukong you mention Laozi's furnace a lot. Must really tough 49 days for you... Wukong:Yeah worst 49 years *eating peach* Mk: Can tell- wait- years..? Wukong: Yeah a day at heaven is like one year here or so..Do the math, bud *continue to eat the peach* Mk:.... what..? Wukong just casually and accidently recall his trauma because he thought it never effect him like his other trauma. Also the brotherhood have 49 years to help him but they didn't do anything. "Yeah because normally you would rush into my rescue"

Thank you for giving me this traumatic info I didn't know about. Now I will never look at Wukong the same (why did my boy have to suffer so much)

Anonimo ha chiesto: Macaque: I think I'm in love with Wukong . . . Any thoughts. Chiyou: and prayers you're going to need them.

me too bitch, the fuck

@mirror-queen226 ha chiesto: I agree about the last ask you posted (about Wukong surely wearing a dress on a date), and I just couldn't help but say my own headcanon too (with a little bit of knowledge about the ancient times that Wukong was just a child on the jttw and lmk): I dunno if you agree but okay. Honestly, both Wukong and Mac/Mihou (like i usually call him) does not care about clothes, if they feel comfortable with them, be it for woman or man, they'll wear it, especially Wukong though, I feel like he'd act like a famous diva in a on a runway showcasing new high-class clothes from Victoria Secret, Channel, or something, whilst Mac is much more discreet but not too far from that too. And considering Wukong was wearing WOMAN clothes when he was in the brotherhood in the season 4 lmk flashback, it just made me believe in that headcanon even more :) Also, I am really loving your au, it's just so perfect the way you develop every character slow and patiently, keeping their personalities untouched, not changing but instead expanding and showing them a bit more, how they are really trying to improve (Wukong and Mihou in this case) and how satisfying it is to see. I always rush to see the new updates you post about the Biodads au every time i see too, and honestly, one of the 5 best au's ever, you draw so good too, it's adorable! That's all I wanted to say, have a nice day, drink water and take care of your health! 🥰🥰🥰

Yeah true! Like they are shapeshifter, they wouldn't care what species they are, even less the perceived gender norms

Anonimo ha chiesto: Little question, while the monkeys where at Chiyou's forge, shadowpeach where still sleeping together or not?

They were all sleeping in sleeping bags on the floor (but they all were close to each other.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Generally curious what you think would have happened if MK had not been woken up and the stone wasn't broken what do you think would have happen. would he had grown up on FFM?

Aww he probably would have been raised by Wukong. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing.

@wolfsonic ha chiesto: I have question! Does Rumble and Sabage have sentience in your stories? Like, do they have their own personalities like MK clones do? If yes, what do they think of WuKong and MK? Also, will we see more of them? Cause I'd love Mk to meet them when he wasn't stuck as a cub and not remember.

Yeah I think they have a littel bit of personalities. They like both MK and Wukong, but would also do prank on him.

Anonimo ha chiesto: I think I won't say I'm in love from Hercules fits macaque very well

The little monkeys are the muse doing backup choir

Anonimo ha chiesto: Can we see what a courtnapping room typically looks like?

Courtnapping rooms are made specifically for the courted one, so they are all different. Basically, the room should include everything the courted person would need to live comfortable and also a collection of things they like / to pass the time /love.

It must show that the person courtnapping them is able to provide, care and protect for them. And also knows what makes them happy.

So it can be a huge castle full of jewerly and elegant clothes/ornaments or just a cozy room with some chips and video games.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Is LBD going to be a topic in your au again ?

maybe

@wolfasketch ha chiesto: We need MK interacting with his new found Auntie and Uncle please(we also new to see Red being flustered by MK while his parents are around and PIF being like "Ooohhhh")

We are VERY luky Red Son and MK didn't grew up together or we would have thier parents playing love-matching with them while they are toodlers

Anonimo ha chiesto: could we possibly get a traffic light trio and shadopeach grooming train at some point, i would love to see some bonding time between them all <3 and i would love to see mk grooming redsons hair since there's so much of it

Wait who would be the second person to be groomed? I assume RedSon hair are too hot to touch. (when he's flustered, at least)

Anonimo ha chiesto: So like how does Redsons hair/ fire work. Does it just feel warm to MK and Mei. Will it only burn/ hurt you if he doesn't trust you. Another note it must be nice having two fire demon friends during winter.

I think when he's relaxed, the hair is just- a little bit warm, then with his feelings and emotion it can go up to a bigillion degrees, so it's not harmful as long as he can control it.

[hvnlygrl]

jj and his gf who has really bad sensory problems, especially at night when they're going to sleep her shirt always bothers her and she gets so fusturated but jj always knows what to do for her

or with loud noises!!! i feel like he'd be the type to practically whisper you to sleep at night because he knows sometimes all the noise is just way too overwhelming

it’s all too much (can’t get enough).

pairing — jj maybank x fem!reader

word count — 1.7k

warnings — overstimulated reader, reader has a panic attack, fluff, super comforting jj, talk of diagnoses and doctors, mentions of throw-up. hurt/comfort.

synopsis — when everything gets to be too much for you, jj becomes the only thing you can stand, and the one thing you crave more than anything.

notes — this is such a wonderful request as someone who struggles with this on a regular basis and relies on my own bf to calm me down and be my peace and my center to ground myself. i love this sm! i hope you enjoy <3

you weren’t sure when it started; the constant overwhelming feelings that consumed nearly every waking moment you had throughout the day. one doctor said it was normal for a girl your age, especially given the things you’d been through, another said that it was due to an anxiety disorder, and one (though you knew this one was totally full of shit) tried to blame it on obsessive compulsive disorder with a hint of autism. 

you had no clue when it got this bad, but you knew that it was reaching the point of becoming unbearable. being in crowds, or anywhere where the background noise was louder than the noise in your mind, made you feel like you needed to puke. clothes that were too tight or too loose, too coarse or too soft, too thick or too thin, drove you nearly to the brink of insanity. it was, as you described it, as if you were completely uncomfortable in your own body at all times. 

hearing people hum, sing, tap, or breathe drove you up a wall, and that was on your best day. it was the thing you hated most about yourself, honestly. you hated that you were so easily agitated, and that you couldn’t help the outbursts that came with it. 

throughout your school years, as it worsened, you lost friends one by one, until all that was left were the pogues and your boyfriend, jj. not like you needed anything more than them, but still.

you had no idea how jj could put up with you being this way, especially for so long, but you were extremely grateful for him. part of you, deep down inside your heart, was petrified that one day he would have enough and realize that he could do so much better, but for now you were willing to bask in each and every moment you got to have with him. 

jj, however, felt the same way about you; he was terrified that you’d wake up one day and realize how broken he was and how unfixable his soul would forever be. 

you were both idiots, admittedly, because each and every one of the pogues could tell just from the way that you looked at each other in docile moments that there was absolutely nothing either of you would take in place of the other. 

since your relationship started with jj, your anxiety got significantly better, with fewer outbursts and a generally happier state of being becoming your new normal. he grounded you to reality, kept you sane and helped you accept yourself for what you truly were. with jj, you never had to hide anything, never had to mask any emotions or thoughts (no matter how dark or upsetting they may be). you knew he would never judge you for anything you felt or thought, having dealt with his own fair share of breakdowns during his time alive. 

when you were crying to the point of hyperventilating over your crop top shirt being too constricting, he would give you his flannel to change into. when your shoes became too tight around your toes, he would pull your favorite slippers from his bag. when your food was too slimy or too crunchy, he’d swap dishes with you. anything to keep you happy, and anything to let you have as close to a normal experience as possible. 

jj was a saint, truly. everything he did, he did through his love for you, never once questioning whatever was bothering you, simply just finding the best fix or alternative to calm you back down. it was beautiful. 

however, as much as jj could do, he couldn’t always fix the problem. some things were still too far beyond anything he could ever understand, and in those cases, he would just hold you, doing his best to keep you contained and feeling as safe and comforted as possible. 

panic attacks were nothing new to you, a weekly occurrence since you were a small child. they stemmed from severe ptsd from your childhood, you knew that. that knowledge felt like it should be enough to be able to push through them when they happened, but it never was. 

a sharp pain in your chest, your internal temperature reaching record-breaking highs, your head spinning and full of loud disturbing thoughts, your breathing becoming erratic and your body trembling. you felt like you were going to puke and pass out all at the same time. 

the first time it happened around jj, he thought he was going to have to bring you to the hospital or call an ambulance. 

the two of you had gotten into a slight, meaningless disagreement over something completely irrelevant. he got a little too loud and before you knew it you had a hand clutching your heart, panting like a dog at the park as you backed as far into the nearest corner as you could. the walls shifted around you, inching closer and closer with every rapid breath you took. you tried to take deeper breaths, attempting to slow your heart before it exploded in your chest, but you couldn’t. you began crying, eyes wide with a thousand yard stare, seeing everything and nothing all at once. 

jj watched you for a moment, in terror as he panicked, completely unaware of what was happening or what he should or could do about it. “y/n? what’s happening, baby?” 

“i-i-” you struggled to catch a breath that would reach your lungs, “i can’t-”

“are you-what do i do?” he moves toward you, hands extended out warily, “what can i do, baby?”

you turned your head up toward the sky as you slid down the wall until you reached the floor. your eyes were pinched shut, as tight as you could get them, as if that would be enough to throw you back to reality. your arms wrapped around your knees tightly, one hand gripping the other as they wrung themselves together. “water,” it was a whisper, your vision full of black spots when you opened your eyes. this one was particularly bad for some reason, bringing you to the verge of passing out. “please.”

“water,” jj repeats, immediately jumping at the opportunity to help you, “uh, uh,” he searches frantically for a cup from the cabinet, realizing that all of the cups are dirty in the dishwasher, “shit!” he goes to wash one before remembering that you had put a few bottles to cool in the fridge when you’d gotten home earlier that day. “stupid,” he cusses at himself as he sprints to the fridge, rummaging through it until he finds one, perfectly chilled just for you. 

he returns, finding you taking deep breaths while humming to yourself softly. it’s rhythmic, though a song he’s never heard before. it’s the song your dad hummed to you when you had the same attacks as a child, he’d hold you, placing a cold washcloth on the back of your neck as he hummed, telling you to rub at the inside of your palms softly to the rhythm. it was an old trick his own mother had done for him when he was a child, and it worked like a charm for you most of the time. 

jj returns with the water, moving slower when he approached you, “i got your water, baby,” he speaks softly, his voice tender yet still slightly panicked. “can i get you anything else? do you want a hug or-”

“can you get me a washcloth, please?” 

he nods and immediately moves toward the bathroom. 

“wet it with cold water,” you call out to him, just loud enough for him to hear it. 

jj follows the instructions, wringing it out in the sink before bringing it back to you. he sits on the floor next to you, mimicking your pose as he watches you intently. 

you take a sip from the bottle before you drop your forehead to rest on the tops of your knees, the washcloth resting on the back of your neck. you continue taking deep breaths as you hum the tune once more, drawing shapes and massaging the insides of your palms. 

after a few minutes, your breathing returns back to normal, your heart rate dropping back to an acceptable rate again. once you feel alright, you turn to look at jj, his concerned blue eyes tugging at your heart. 

“are you okay? did i do something? i’m so sorry-”

“it was a panic attack,” your voice is soft, filled with shame as your gaze flutters between his eyes and his necklace. “i get them a lot. sorry you had to deal with that.” 

“no, no don’t be sorry,” he places a ringed hand on your shoulder, “that wasn’t your fault, baby, don’t be ashamed of that. i’m just glad i could help you. i know what to do for next time, don’t even worry about it, okay? i was just really worried about you.” 

“i know, i’m okay now though,” you nod, your heart warming at his words, “thanks for taking care of me.” 

“of course, y/n,” he scoots closer to you, letting you rest your head against his shoulder, “you’re my girl, i’ll always be here to take care of you, babe.” 

you smile, though he can't see it, “i love you, jj.” 

“i love you, y/n,” he repeats, placing a tender kiss to the top of your head. “anything else i can do for you?”

“i could use a nap,” you huff softly, “that took a lot out of me.” 

“yea, i’m sure it did,” he affirms, “let’s go take a nap then.” 

jj helps you up from the floor, an arm slung over your shoulders as you both make your way down the hallway and into the bedroom. he pulls back the covers for you, turns the fan on, and the lights off. he even brings your water that you forgot to grab from the living room and places it on your nightstand. 

jj slides into the bed beside you, allowing you to get comfortable on his chest as he lies on his back. he rubs a hand on your back, humming the tune you sung earlier softly, putting you right to sleep. he silently prays that you’ll rest as much as you deserve, and that for as long as you’ll have him, he’ll be able to help you more than he could today. he also vows to never be the reason you feel like that again if he can help it. 

-> back to masterlist

taglist — @rubiehart @ji4ra4l1f3 @baebankz @sarahsangelicdoll

[silvers-not-home]

rewatching double life right now but through jimmys pov and just realized how violently ill rancher duo makes me /aff

like there's no way there's a duo THIS healthy in this series. the whole fucking point of the life series is betrayal and deception and blah blah blah all that jazz but rancher duo never did any of that. they always told eachother their plans, ideas, schemes, where they were going. and even if they didn't cough cough jimmy going into the deep dark cough cough he still came clean and told tango anyways. we have someone who's death is such a staple in the fandom/series that it's become a whole thing and someone who's death you go "oh yeahhh i forgot about that one, how'd he die again?"

they're both so ignored and the fact that they pay so much attention to eachother literally makes me sick to my stomach /hj /aff

like i don't know much about flower husbands but like. i know it probably wasn't.. the healthiest of any of the ships so take my words with a grain of sand here. jimmy was practically invisible to scott no hate love him to death but c!scott IS on my hit list and tango is just so blatantly ignored by the watchers and other members sometimes i literally forget he's there and when i do my autism shoots up like a firework.

jimmy is mocked in a /lh way but we're talking abt their c!versions so that might not be as lighthearted as you think c!jimmy sorry bud so much to the point no one takes him seriously and tango is so forgotten that no one takes him seriously. though they might not be taken seriously when they're together they're still known throughout the server. jimmy has what tango doesn't: patience and less impulsive thinking. and tango has what jimmy doesn't: rage and more tactical thinking.

while tango is going absolutely apeshit over the ranch burning down and everyone is basically taunting him, making him even more upset as if either of them need that jimmy is the one to hold tango back. he doesn't want him rushing in not because they share health and trying to keep himself safe desert duo im looking at you, you toxic bastards /aff but because he genuinely CARES about him. because when they go after scar and grian they want to be prepared and logical about their attacks. he'll still listen and follow through with tangos plan but not when they don't have one, he was so excited to bring the warden to grian and scar because he genuinely believed that they would get revenge the safe way (as safe as you can get anyways)

and when the plan backfired he didn't get mad or upset at tango. he helped him through it with the knowledge they could both die just by one small slip up but damnit if he's gonna take them out he's standing tall next to him.

they never got mad at eachother. not when the plans backfired or when jimmy died and lost all his stuff and had to travel across the whole server just to not get his stuff back or when jimmy went into the deep dark, putting them both in danger or when tango got them both killed in the FIRST EPISODE, activating his curse again (i know it wasn't technically jimmy that died but he still lost a life so i'm counting it anyways shut up)

because grian would've been pissed (talking about character versions still stick with me here) at scar if the roles were swapped, probably would've kept him at their base for the whole damn season actually. but jimmy listened to tango, obviously he was upset but never at tango. he just wanted to know what lead up to that and from that they made a plan.

the difference between team rancher and desert duo is when scars falling grian yells out for him, not because he cares about scars safety but because he cares about his safety.

meanwhile when tangos falling jimmy jumps after him while screaming his name, making sure that if he's going to die it's tangos name staining his tongue and without the selfish intent of keeping himself safe.

because when grain looks into scars eyes he only sees himself. meanwhile when jimmy looks into tangos eyes he sees tango looking back.

[anexperimentallife]

EDIT: CRISIS AVERTED, THANK YOU!

Interracial US family w/ disabled autistic dad and toddler needs to get to the US for medical treatment

(New post because the old one was getting LONG with the updates. Details are under the "read more" to save your dash, with updates in the notes.)

TL;DR: If I'm going to live long enough to watch our daughter grow up, we need to get back to the US and get set up in a disability-friendly place where I can use my medical benefits.

Although I was already disabled (autism, adhd, and spine, joint, and head injuries), my health was stable--until four bouts of COVID left me immunocompromised, and utterly destroyed my health (including damage to my heart, blood clots that damaged one eye, neurological and joint issues, etc.), and although we started off fine, we've been hammered with one crisis after another, both medical and financial, that no one could have predicted.

Until we have enough to get back to the US, a chunk of whatever comes in has to go towards medical care that can't be put off, so the sooner we can reach critical mass on that, the better.

If you can help, or reblog, or share the links on other platforms, we'd be grateful!

The "Donate to Little or None" Paypal donation link takes the lowest fees, I think. (Kept the same link from when we were fighting to get our daughter's birth certificate fixed so we could get her citizenship affirmed.)

Then there's Ko-Fi:

And my little sister started a GoFundMe for us!

EDIT: The donation links above still work, but I removed the GoFundMe link.

IF YOU WANT ALL THE DETAILS SEE THE "READ MORE."

(There's more in my "rob gets medical" tag if you want a blow by blow account of how we got to this point over the past few years, but this is the gist.)

HOW IT STARTED:

I moved to the Philippines six years ago, after the deaths of my adult sons, in part to make my disability payments stretch further. Shortly afterwards, I was joined by my now-wife @thesurestthing (also from the US) for what was supposed to be a visit, but which turned into a permanent arrangement.

After I got a contract to license an old story for a mobile game (which tripled our income*), we found out we were having a baby, which was fine, because despite my disabilities (autism, adhd, two spine injuries, traumatic brain injury, a herniated esophagus, joint issues, etc.), my health was stable, and thanks to the contract, we were fine financially as well.

HOW IT STARTED GOING DOWNHILL:

Zoey's pregnancy was complicated, requiring two hospitalizations, and our daughter's birth was complicated, too--requiring a C-Section--which tripled our hospital bill. A few weeks after our daughter was born, the aforementioned contract was canceled without warning. THEN, when we tried to register our daughter's birth with the US embassy, we discovered an error on her birth certificate that left her stateless, and which took nearly two years, all our savings, and a fundraiser (thank you, generous people!) to resolve. Combined with medical expenses, that left us in a lot of debt.

A brief summary of went else wrong (leaving a lot out for brevity's sake):

I got COVID three four times during all this, became immunocompromised, and developed a slew of other medical issues (heart damage, eye damage and temporary facial paralysis from blood clots, persistent infections, a worsening of my joint issues, neurological issues, etc.) as a result of Long Covid.

I've had to be hospitalized a couple of times, undergo surgery, and was on an oxygen machine twice--once for an entire month, while I was bedridden. As of 24 January, 2024, I'm still recovering from my fourth bout of covid, which started at the beginning of October 2023.

There's a lot more, but you get the idea. COVID has completely wrecked my health, including tearing up my immune system.

And yes, I'm as fully vaxxed against COVID as one can be in the Philippines, with all available boosters, but again--I'm immunocompromised, plus they don't have the vax for the newest variant here yet. Zoey is vaxxed, also, and as a result, her bout with covid was extremely mild. El isn't vaxxed yet because they won't give the covid vaccine to kids under five here, but she's been able to share Zoey's antibodies from breast-feeding--which is apparently a thing.

The only way we can see for me to stay alive long enough to watch Eleanor grow up is to get back to where I can use my Medicare and VA benefits**.

WHY SO MUCH MONEY?

First, while we're still here, we need to pay for whatever medical care can't be put off. Plus, since I'm now immunocompromised, we have to get LOTS of vaccinations before we have to spend 24 hours or so in crowded planes and airports.

Second, we're going to be arriving with only what we can carry with us on the plane, and we'll need to get into a place near a VA hospital that I can easily get around in while I'm recovering from surgeries and getting various treatments. We'll need to pick up some secondhand household goods, and some kind of used transportation (because, you know, it's the US, where you kind of need a vehicle to get around).

We'll also need enough on top of my and El's disability payments to get by for a couple of months while Zoey looks for work. And all this is while we're still paying off the debt from the stuff I mentioned above.

So we're figuring that unless we catch some very lucky breaks, it'll probably cost between 20K and 36K altogether.

(We can't simply stay with friends when we get back, because literally every single close friend we have in the US with extra room and who lives close to a VA hospital has cats--to which I have a severe anaphylactic reaction. As in my entire respiratory system shuts down, and I have to be rushed to the ER to keep from dying; this has happened more than once. The only way I can be around cats is if I'm on immunosuppressants, and my immune system is ALREADY compromised, so I CAN'T do that.)

So again, if you can kick in, or reblog, or post our crowdfunding links (or the link to this post) on whatever other platforms you use, we'd appreciate it.

(*When I told social security about it, they said I could keep getting disability, too, because licensing IP rights didn't count as work income, and since it was a Moldavian company, it also fell under a special tax clause for getting paid by a foreign company while living overseas, so no taxes on it, either. )

(**VA benefits--I was a cold warrior in 1980s Germany. It was less than forty years after WWII, there was a lot of sabre-rattling--some of it nuclear--and we were there as a deterrent to prevent in Germany the kind of thing that's happening in Ukraine right now. Disclaimer because I'm tired of people accusing me of "invading" folks in the early 1980s when I was a dumb, heavily propagandized pre-Internet kid fixing generators in Europe. I wouldn't join today even if I could.)

[leighsartworks216]

In Your Silence (I Hear You)

Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader

Requested by @ghulehh666:

"Just had this idea for so long in my head, basically astarion x tav(gn). Tav is really antisocial, never visits tavern or such, and prefers to stay somewhere quiet and alone or with Astarion. When they have to talk, their ability to speak sometimes randomly locks out and doesn’t know what to say."

I know you said antisocial but I kinda went further and made it more social anxiety or autism-coded

Also I still have not played the game or seen much gameplay so some things may be inaccurate and stuff

Warnings: going through a busy crowd, brief mention of nails digging into skin, some sensory issues (touch, sound)

Word Count: 1,287

Masterlist

AO3

You were holding on for dear life. Your arms curled tightly around Astarion’s, eyes scanning every which-a-way. Unfortunately, this was a rather common occurrence.

Before all this, you kept to yourself. Perhaps to an extreme. You avoided going outside, you didn’t speak to anyone for as long as you could help it, and you were quite happy like this. Dealing with other people was always a headache, and never near worth it, but staying alone? The only person you could be irritated with was yourself.

And then you got kidnapped. And somehow, somehow everyone chose you as the one to save the world. You couldn’t stay alone anymore. Too much was at stake. But sometimes it was all too much. Too loud, too demanding, too… everything.

Astarion didn’t know what to make of you upon first meeting. He’d assumed you were working with the damn Illithid, but when he insisted you just kept shaking your head. Truly, he’d have thought you were mute, if he’d not seen you talking with the damned creatures. Now that it’s been weeks, he knew you better than the rest. After all, it was his tent you ran to when you needed quiet, and, even more than that, it was him you trusted to find your voice when you couldn’t.

That’s how you ended up in this bustling market street, clinging to him as he smoothly guided you through swaths of people. He was used to navigating crowds. His eyes sought out slightly-more-open gaps and he’d be able to slip through with no issues. Alone, that is. With you, the strategy was a little different. Not only did he have to get himself through, but you as well. He could only imagine what the weaving pattern he took to find even-more-open gaps in the sea of people looked like from above.

The street never seemed to end. More and more people entered from either end. Stall owners barked out calls to potential customers. Everyone was shoving to get where they needed to go. Astarion was tired of it. The only reason you’d turned down here was to find one specific stall for some spices Gale wanted. He’d stopped looking for the stall long ago, leaving that task to you.

Toward the end of the street, though still quite far from any freedom, you squeezed his arm and planted your feet. He stopped immediately. Your eyes were set on one of the stalls - a table filled with handfuls of herbs, small bundles of them tied together with string. He sighed through his nose. Gale better damn well be happy for all the trouble this is.

Astarion placed a hand over yours on his arm, searching for any opening in the river of people going around you both. He could feel the anxiety radiating from you the longer it took. As soon as there was even a hint of a gap, he pulled you through.

Trying to walk through the hoard rather than with it was a nightmare. You were jostled and bumped into by everyone. Astarion wanted to switch you to his other side to act as a human shield, but doing so risked losing you to the flood. And when you finally got through, finally standing in front of the one stall you came here for, you felt it. Like a switch, your throat felt leaden. Your vocal chords were heavy. It seems preserving your voice for this moment did not help at all.

“Hi! Welcome, welcome! What can I get for you today?” the stall-keeper beckoned. Astarion had to fight to keep his eyes from rolling. All traders were always too cheery, overacting as they tried to play nice to convince you to buy more.

The vampire turned his focus to you. You still held onto his arm, but it was a little more relaxed. Your nails weren’t digging into his arm, at least. (You always apologized profusely when your voice came back, even when he brushed off your concerns of hurting him or, worse, being a nuisance.) You searched the table, eyes roaming stacks of small spices and bundles of large herbs. Astarion had no idea exactly what Gale’d asked for. He trusted you remembered.

A moment passed, and then you were pointing at a small cloth bag, round and full. The attendant lit up. “That’s our special blend! It contains all you need for any meal! Just one pinch and your mouth will thank you for it!” When they said the price, Astarion saw you retreating in on yourself. It was a lot to ask for one small sachet, though it looked like it would last several weeks if conserved properly.

Before you could even formulate an apology to Gale for his damn herbs and spices being too gods damned expensive, Astarion was pulling out his coin purse and counting out the gold. “We’ll take one.”

The attendant picked up the sachet by its drawstrings and plopped it into your hesitant hand. You squeezed his arm - you didn’t like that he was paying for it. He handed over the money, and pulled you back into the throng of people.

It wasn’t long before you were at the end of the street and being tugged along to a quiet side-road as there was no longer a need to slow down to glance at each stall. As soon as the people thinned out to a manageable level, you let go of his arm and reached for your own coin purse.

“Please, love, you don’t need to pay me back.” He covered your hand holding the purse, preventing you from opening it. “Besides, I will be more than happy to discuss repayment with the Wizard.”

You gave him a disapproving look. He just rolled his eyes.

“Was acting quickly to get you out of that mess as soon as possible not what you wanted?”

You glared harder. “Don’t twist it,” you muttered. The weight was still there, but being out of the crowd had helped enough. Though, it seemed heavier now that you have spoken… Damn.

He chuckled airily. “Hate to admit I was working outside of my own self-interests for once?” You raised a brow at him. “Well, aside from having Gale in my pocket, until he compensates me for the loss.”

You huffed and put your coin purse away, tucking the sachet away in the process. Your hand found his arm immediately after. He didn’t even react as you gripped onto the fabric of his sleeve. At first, he’d been a bit scandalized, complaining that you’d wrinkle it or pull at the embroidery. He almost… enjoyed it. The simple act of keeping each other close, relying on him to act as an anchor. It felt nice to be needed.

He noticed before you that your feet were beginning to drag. The sole of your boots scraped on the street every couple steps, not to mention how you slowed down ever so slightly. He smiled knowingly, resting his hand over yours on his arm once more. It was reminiscent of nobles strolling along, prim and proper.

“Come on, dear,” he encouraged smoothly. “Once we return I can read that mystery novel to you.”

You grabbed onto his arm with your other hand, pulling yourself closer to rest your head against him. You had a tired little smile on your face. How unfortunate such outings were so much on their leader. He’d probably get two lines in before you passed out in his mess of pillows.

“Though, it is rather obvious who the culprit is.”

You pinched his arm.

“No, my being a magistrate has nothing to do with it,” he chastised. “It’s hardly my fault I’m more observant than you, dear.”

[sillygoofyqueer]

PART TWO OF ME BLABBING ABOUT MY WEI QINGWEI HEADCANONS. Part one can be found here!!!!

(Azzie brought up Crowyuan with this next statement in italics, and I POUNCED): 'now i imagine crowyuan flapping over to wan jian peak to have a look at the swords (shinies all the shinies of the wooorld!!), and wei qingwei sees this obviously very intelligent crow hopping around so he decides to let it perch on his arm/shoulder while he gives it a good proper tour!! (maybe he thinks its from the beast peak, or maybe he just reaaally wants to give a tour to someone who can't talk back dnsjsksksms. and the crow seems very interested!!) idk how exactly the sword picking ceremony works, but id be sooo good if there was a sword that sort of "reacted" to shen yuan aaahhh'

WEI QINGWEI STARING LIKE "????" AS ONE OF THE SWORDS HUMS AGGRESSIVELY AROUND SHEN YUAN WHEN HE'S SHOWING HIM THE CAVES. He glares at the sword for a moment, shifting crowyuan away from the sword and watching as the aggressive vibrating lessens. Then he turns to Shen Yuan, narrows his eyes, and says "you know, I don't think that sword is small enough for you" and he sounds genuinely SO upset about it.

This guy would arm everything around him if he could - one time, when they were head disciples, Yue Qingyuan had to physically stop the beast peak head disciple and Wei Qingwei from arming one of their bigger monsters after finding them whispering and giggling to each other as they designed random plans for it. Listen, he's very proud of his shidi but there is a LIMIT. Wei Qingwei sees crowyuan and is like "....would the birdy like his own sword?"

ALSO, he loves his peak, it's his baby!! He shows so much consideration of it, and I like to think that he mainly allows the natural wildlife to do its thing, as long as his forges remain in use and his disciples have all the space they need. The moment someone new steps onto his peak, it's like the heavens have opened for Wei Qingwei - SOMEONE NEW TO SHOW AROUND!!! And I also like to think that (although he rarely asks for them), whenever Wei Qingwei asks for a change to his peak in a meeting everyone is instantly like "YUE QINGYUAN ARE YOU GOING TO SAY NO TO THIS BEAUTIFUL MAN" as he gives them all his brilliant smile. Listen, the moment he gets a new change it is STIM CENTRAL AND EVERYONE GETS TO LISTEN TO HIM YAPPER ON EXCESSIVELY ABOUT THESE THINGS!!

I like the idea that, as disciples, Liu Qingge was an unwilling guinea pig for Mu Qingfang, but Wei Qingwei was actively going out of his way to get the wildest injuries just so Mu Qingfang could practise treating them - "Mu-shidi, Mu-shidi, look!! You told me that you were struggling with pulling people out of qi deviations so guess what I did!!!" "WEI-SHIXIONG NO-" I still have much to talk about surrounding this man (including how he GOT his scars *squealing in the background*) but it IS my bedtime and I don't want to overwhelm you guys with my autism. (oh em gee is that a part THREE???? Where did that come from....)

[bl-bracket]

Ok so I'm still in the process of making round 1 (got all the back end stuff done, just need to make the actual polls which can take a couple hours) but I've had yet ANOTHER idea for a kind of bl gimmick blog thing that I wanted to share

So have y'all heard of 6 Degrees of Separation? basically it's a whole concept of every person in the world being connected through 6 degrees of separation max (so a knows b who knows c who knows d etc). But then there was also a spin off that I remember hearing about a while back called 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon, where it was the claim that Kevin Bacon had worked with everyone in Hollywood within max 6 movies (so Kevin was in movie a which also featured actor z who was also in movie b which featured director y who was also in movie c etc). There was even a website

The idea is then to create a version of this for Thai dramas, cause like there is a ton of cast overlap in the ql world at least, and I feel like you can connect a lot of Thai dramas together within 6 degrees.

My original thought was like connecting it by dramas. So for example going from like Kinnporsche to Fish Upon the Sky and trying to find the most direct line of connection between the two shows. The other idea is to just connect it between actors themselves. So like Tor Thanapob to Jeff Satur.

What would this information accomplish? not much but it's fun for me to look up and cool to see how connected everything is

Anyways I already play this game a lot with myself when I need to search up stuff on mdl. Sometimes when I'm already on the page of a Thai drama, I hop around to try to get to the next one by doing this.

The idea then would be a blog where I would show the connections. I could randomize some but people could also request for me to find the connections between two dramas or actors.

The reason why I'd keep it to just Thai dramas is that other country's qls don't tend to draw from the same pool of actors as much, so it would require navigating through a lot of stuff blindly on my end. It could be done, but would require someone more familiar with that country's dramas/movies at large and not just their ql stuff (which is what I mainly know).

anyways does anyone else find this conceptually interesting or am I just alone in a sea of my particular brand of autism lol

[thurio-edau]

SBG GANG MENTAL ANALYSIS

yup, him for part two. funny thing despite Aiden being my favourite character I'm most excited for the other three posts I'll make, especially the last one. there's a lot to unpack here so

also im writing this with a migraine pls read it-

Part 2: Aiden Clark

ah, yes. the obviously-mentally-ill from the start fan favourite Aiden Clark. let's go.

first, I want to start with something I find really important about his character, what makes him heavily mischaracterized in the fandom. the 'psychopath' cliche.

the terms 'psychopath', 'insane' and 'unstable' are often confused with each other due to media stereotypes, such as Aiden here. one, he is not a psychopath. psychopath literally means a self-centered person who lacks sympathy, affection and care; making them far from most other characters in their franchise. their lack of sympathy/empathy often makes them criminalized, here

disturbing content warning, for an example of a psychopath.

let's take Gressil from Homesick for example since a lot of SBG readers also read Homesick. so, here, Gressil is a perfect example of an actual psychopath. his lack of empathy makes him torment others, he's very self-centered. and when asked why he's doing this? he says he was bored. let's look at Aiden here. what does Aiden do when bored? probably dumb ideas or annoy Tyler. not torturing people for fun. Aiden is just a boy who likes thrills, but he has a sense of empathy, care and justice.

you wanna see a psychopathic Aiden?? the canvas is it

(our local Logan hater is publishing the canvas eps go checc beachy out)

but that's him, not our Aiden. canvas does not equal originals y'all

alright, now since we got that cleared out!! firstly, ADHD.

I think everyone in the fandom is already aware that Aiden is ADHD but I'm still going to talk about it just like Ashlyn's autism. Red has also said that she wrote Aiden with ADHD in mind but hadn't canonically confirmed anyone as neurodivergent. let's start with the main symptoms of ADHD, also known as Attention Decifit and Hyperactivity Disorder.

I know about 5 different ADHD people myself and did some research, it probably won't be extremely accurate since I'm not ADHD myself, but I'll try to do whatever I can. first with the AD part, Attention Decifit.

now as seen, he doesn't exactly have any problems with theorizing itself. but the problem is that his attention just goes away easily.

i mean cmon bro was making memes on the job

he tries to do work, but can't. he has a low attention span which makes him not able to concentrate. he can't keep it up for long, he'll get distracted or bored too easily about things that doesn't interest in specially.

it's just distracting. what his attention is on constantly changes, there's more to that after the ADHD part but we're here for now.

the hyperactivity... it's a lot more apparent. but I should explain the insane-unstable thing before that.

insane means that someone's mental health is not in an okay situation, where it prevents the person from thinking normally, acting rationally, very often found together with delusions. the person is seriously mentally ill where it might count as a disability.

unstable, however, where someone is prone to psychiatric problems, has moodswings etc. they're not exactly the most sane person, but they aren't insane either. Aiden here, obviously falls on the unstable side. maybe just a little bit insane if you squint. this will be brought up later too, but it mixed well with his hyperactivity too.

and as we all know, our boy isn't exactly the most stable person. (sorry for the collages, but since there is a tumblr picture limit i have to keep on collaging. yes i learnt from the last time) his hyperactivity mixes with his unstable mindset which makes him incresingly vulnerable to danger- which he likes. from when the first shift happened, he's been really careless about stuff but it's been all about his love for thrill.

and it irritates Tyler, too.

the main subplot about his character is that he's a person of excitement. guess what? ADHD people like the excitement, they like new things, they like the adrenaline and thrill. now, Aiden's main characteristic of being unstable mixed with ADHD makes him an even more reckless person. another thing mixing with the hyperactivity, is boundaries.

this part will mostly be about Ashlyn since the boundary issue only happens with her.

I talked about this on Ashlyn's side on my Ashlyn analysis, now it's time for Aiden's side.

he's really annoying to her at first. Ashlyn is someone with lots of boundaries, like high walls. and who tries to climb them with his dumbass? Aiden of course.

she kept rejecting his efforts to befriend her for some time, until the night they stole the jeep. then she managed to actually bring the walls down, and accept them all into her life. but damn was she blunt.

felt that honestly

and Aiden understands her that night, too.

Ashlyn was hesistant to hug him, yes, he was aware. but she still did which made him realize she was also trying. i have to tell you, people with ADHD and people with autism either have trouble getting along, or go perfectly well. my ADHD sibling for example, I have to push them away for a lot and tell them to lower their voice. but once they remember my boundaries it actually becomes a normal, even pleasant hangout. which, Aiden realizes and tries to get along with. he tries.

seeing his efforts on her boundaries makes something click in her mind. and she starts to be a lot nicer when they hang out in the arcade.

Aiden eventually learns and remembers what she's like and what she loves to do. he already tried to watch her ballet sessions once -got slammed-, he's been to her room where he remembered the mat from and her fighting makes it obvious. I'm sure he knew he'd get cooked by betting that. but he still did,

because he knew it'd interest her. which he succeeded, he saw her smile again. the arcade day went great until Barron and his gang pulled up, but if we ignore that part it all went well. Aiden started to understand and respect her boundaries.

anyways then Tyler fucking dies

he knows that Ashlyn feels guilty. Aiden wants to comfort her through it, but also do it correctly. without going over any boundaries. which makes him really,

really,

really surprised when she responds.

also including this pannel cause its hilarious

here we see that he's still trying. hell, I'm sure he spent minutes thinking if he should come close physically to help her. that's probably why he just nudged her softly before anything else. he's not used to it, he has to conciously make an effort to not cross said boundaries. keeping his voice lower, try to not be so reckless, not doing anything physically close unless she reciprocates. wow how i wish another someone i knew irl tried that hard instead of blaming it on me cOUGH COUGH COUGH

also other small things to include

he's yapping a lot

he has a comically large amount of puzzles in his backpack for one single trip

and sticks his head into lamps for some reason

but that's just Aiden and his little neurodivergent brain for ya.

now the part I wanted to get to the most.

Borderline Personality Disorder.

first, what is Borderline Personality Disorder?

shortened as BPD, borderline is when someone's mood is inconsistent and swinging. think of it's name; the person's mental state is in the border, in the border line, switching up fastly. the most easily understood and common type is when the person goes from a depression to a happy state. but no matter which state they are in and/or go to, one thing stays the same: it is unstable.

one thing about borderline is that it is frequently mixed with bipolar. however bipolar is a neurodivengercy which means it is what someone is born with and cannot be changed. but borderline is obtained later in life. it usually happens with depression. bipolar is much more random and the episodes last longer in comparison. it may last up to hours, and the person's memory might have trouble remembering their episodes. borderline, on the other hand, is a short-lived mood swing.

now here. here's the catch; people with BPD during mood swings can have reckless behaviour, suicidal thoughts -in his case as far as we know, lowered sense of protecting himself- or a loss of understanding danger. sounds familiar?

borderline's recklessness and dangerousness, sometimes self-destructive acts combines with ADHD's love for thrill and excitement, combined with Aiden's own personality all make up for a great condition of instability.

Aiden's behaviour constantly goes crazy, I think his most frequent mood swing might be his normal self (at least, as normal as he could be) to this more maniac way of acting. I noticed it from his eyes, when he's in a more calm-ish normal state his pupils are a bit more dilated. in the pictures above, you can clearly see that he's still in the episode; filled with the adrenaline, the unstable way of thinking.

but, what causes that? surely a mental illness such as borderline doesn't happen on it's own.

right?

cause it didn't.

it never works that way.

but it can get better.

eventually.

but what happened to him?

personally, as much as a large amounnt of people seems to believe it's something like family abuse I don't think so. maybe neglect, maybe withdrawal, maybe maybe. but we've seen his parents. I don't think they would hurt him like that. I can't put any more pictures, but this is the last part anyway. his parents seem to be kind and gentle, despite that picture in his house. I'm thinking the picture was only for the dramatic effect. his parents said that he used to be really calm and quiet during Lily's birthday, and both Aiden and Ben seem comfortable around them. they were happy taking Ben in too, any kind of abusive parent wouldn't do that at least that's what I believe. also there is that Aiden got serious and concerned when he learnt that their parents were also in the facility, most likely worried for his own as you would have thought.

there was a post that I've been trying to find for like half an hour, I commented on it but I can't find the post now. the person talked about their own theory. if I remember correctly it was that when Aiden was depressive as a child, his parents took him to a thrilling activity like the ones he's been talking about (bungee-jumping, skydiving etc.) and the thrill made him actually get excited. which is why his parents allowed him to go even more reckless, because they are aware of how prone their son could be to the depression.

what happened? let's ignore the parents factor. someone can have a loving family and still be traumatized, someone can be taken care of and still feel abandoned, someone can never have confronted a situation they are terrified of.

one of my theories is that, the loneliness. it must get to a child heavily considering children need to not be left alone, but Aiden was. he didn't have any actual friends since they always moved from one place to another from his parents' business, and they might have not had enough time to make for him (which I believe is bullshitting, every child deserves to be taken some time out for. some people quit their jobs entirely for their child.) and be unaware, and that doesn't change that he was still depressed and alone. his depressive state was seemingly before Ben was taken in. now here one thing with borderline, at least from my experience, is faking actions. smiles, laughs, friendships, conversations... almost as if there's two different lives; one fake, and one real. you keep on switching, you keep on swinging between the sides where you're yourself and where you're just mimicking 'normal human behaviour'.

it starts from faking a happy state during their depression, and by time you're faking it it becomes an automatic adition to your personality. to your mind. once it furthers, it becomes the disorder. Aiden we see is always smiling. it becomes a habit that only breaks sometimes. now, I'm not saying his smile is fake- I think his face is literally just stuck like that. it breaks ever so slightly sometimes. fake it till ya make it yanno? that kind of thing. and when he swings from his calm mood to his borderline-d mood, his pupils get small and his smile gets worse. noticably worse. I'll be rereading the series (AGAIN) and this time look at all the small details since Red loves putting them and I love theorizing so

which, wraps up the Aiden thing! im actually really proud of how i could put my thoughts into text which i never could. i'd love any additions because i love other opinions as well.

and you know what? im glad Ash and Ai are out of the place because the rest are what I'm actually looking forward to >:)

...and i should sleep. really.

(wow sorry yall i finished this hours ago and said 'alright reread to make sure its good before sleep' and fell asleep through it lol sorry for 4 hour delay ig)

(leaving for school rn see yall 8 hours later 🫡)

[natashaslesbian]

Drabble request

WandNat/Reader where reader has an autistic meltdown in the middle of a mission because Nat is currently MIA and Wanda has to try and calm her down

Pretty please and thank you

Missing In Action

Word Count: 808

Parings: (Wandanat x autistic!reader)

Warnings: Autistic meltdown (written from my own experiences with my autism)

————

A/N• Sorry this took so long to get done I hope you like it!

Someone was calling you, the sound scrapping against your ear lobes. “Y/n!” It called again. You violently shook your head as you scratched at your throat, the air not quite being able to reach your chest. You let out an almighty scream as a pair of hands rounded your shoulders, pulling you backwards towards the floor. The arms finally let you go as you curled up into a ball on the floor. It was so loud, guns where firing and people where shouting. You wished more than anything you had stayed back at the compound. This was a terrible idea.

On your last mission with your girlfriends, Natasha went missing. It sent you spiralling in just the two days she was gone. Last night, Nat finally made contact with Wanda who immediately called the team and had everyone set out to find her. As the fight moved forwards, the sound started to diminish. “Y/n baby?” Wanda quietly said as she sat beside you “it’s Wands okay? I’m right here” she said. You kept your eyes tightly shut as you reached out a hand in front of you, Wanda grabbed and held on tight, squeezing gently enough to help ground you.

Wanda continued to whisper sweet nothings to you and eventually your shaking form began to rest. “Baby I’m gonna ask you some yes or no questions okay, squeeze my hand once for yes and twice for no, alright can you hear me?” Wanda asked, you squeezed once. “Good girl, do you have enough pressure?” You squeezed once “can you look up for me?” You squeezed twice “that’s okay, sit up?” You squeezed twice again. “Ok baby girl, are you verbal right now?” You squeezed her hand twice “that’s alright y/n. I’m gonna take you back to the jet ok, can I carry you?” You squeezed once.

The witch rolled you up into her embrace and lifted you from the floor, you rested your head across her chest and the gentle rhythm of her heart helped to calm you. Your eyes were still tightly shut but when the jet doors finally closed, your eyebrows un furrowed and you settled into the quiet. Wanda gently took a seat with you still in her arms, she reached for hand to ask you a few more questions. “Y/n would you like me to keep hold of you?” She said, you squeezed once “is it too bright in here?” You blinked your eyes open a few times adjusting to your surroundings, you squeezed twice. “There’s my girl” Wanda said as she looked deeply into your eyes “do you want your headphones?” You squeezed twice once more.

You stayed curled up with Wanda underneath the emergency weighted blanket in the jet. Your girlfriends had made sure that there was emergency stash of supplies to help you wherever you were. The witch was rocking gentle side to side with you, her spare hand tracing along your scalp. Your throat was so dry and you lent over your girlfriends arm to reach a fresh bottle of water. “I’ve got it baby girl” Wanda said as she grabbed it for you, “here you go sweetheart” she cooed. Wanda kept her ear piece on to keep up to date with any advancements, she had taken yours out when you first started to panic.

You were starting to feel sleepy when the jet doors opened. The loud clang of metal startled you and you shirked as you covered you ears. “It’s alright it’s just the team” Wanda whispered. Tony was the first to enter followed by Steve and Thor, the boys understood your situation so they stayed quiet as they shuffled to the side. Wandas breathing hitched as she saw who was standing behind them. The pause in the rise of her chest had you intrigued and you turned your gaze towards the door. “Natty” you mumbled. The redhead was relieved to be back with her girls and her eyes welled up with tears when you saw your state.

Quick footsteps made their way towards you and the widow knelt down softly beside you, leaning up to give Wanda a quick kiss. You pulled yourself out of the blanket draped over you and reached up to Natasha “hold me please” you cried. Your girls were quick to wrap you up in both their arms “oh my girls” Natasha said holding back her own tears “I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to leave you” she said. “Tasha it’s okay” Wanda mumbled as she placed a soft kiss on her girlfriends hairline “you’re here now” she said. The three of you didn’t move the whole way home despite you pleading for Natasha to let Bruce check her over, but she insisted she was fine. All she needed to do was hold you and Wanda, that was all the medicine she needed.

————

Taglist<3

@saraaahsstuff / @dannipotatoo / @tobiaslut / @a-simpfortessa-lesbriean / @marvelnatasha12346 / @yelenasdiary / @mousetheorist / @ashadash0904

[spiraling-trap]

wanted to make a dn oc then had the idea to take one of the many female characters in dn and make her my oc

so i stole the girl that light went on that one date with and made her my own. She’s inspired by the fact that i want to see light get played by a girl for once

more stuff ab her ⬇️

she’s so good in the manga… in the anime they cut the scene where she just watches the bus jacking and light is like “well looks like our date is over because of that trauma and all” and she’s like “WYM? we’re still going!” like a crazy person

anyway i have a bit written up for her i think she pretends to be one of light’s friends bc she’s a bit obsessed with him but not romantically at all. obsessed in the way that she wants to be him and like steal his skin and wants what he has. but she’s jealous and kinda hates him too because he’s perfect and has it all/everything’s lined up for him unlike her (maybe she’s got no parents or uninvolved ones). idk. and she feels like no one else can see through light but her— she can see his people suit because she also wears a people suit #bpd #autism. so that makes her want to study him more. and to study him from up close she pretends to be a stupid girl with a crush on him because she knows that to light that makes him a moth to a flame

also she follows light to college so she sees all the Hideki Ryuga shit go down. maybe she starts investigating on her own when light literally disappears and doesn’t come to college anymore

ALSO i don’t know if it’s actually canon but i think she was also the girl that light saved from the motorcycle guys in the beginning. i imagine she was stalking light when that happened and doesn’t realize he saved her until later when the bus jacking happens and she realizes that the dangerous men from both scenarios died in the vicinity of light. so then she’s like Oh he has magic powers too now?! the bastard?! and eventually connects him with kira on her own

does any of this make sense outside of my brain

[malakaiiswriting]

Stay By My Side | L. Tomlinson

A/N | Hi, I'm Malakai! I've never written about real people properly before, and wanted to give it a go. Since the passing of Liam Payne, bless him, my childhood obsession band, One Direction has become a new fixation, so why not try my most admired member? Thanks for reading, my lovelies <3

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Summary | Louis and Y/N have been together for quite a few years, engaged, with the soon to be Mrs. Tomlinson pregnant. They go on a night out with the band and a couple others, only for Y/N's adhd to become distracted, and leading herself and sister away from the group.

Warnings | Sexual harassment. Over-protective Louis. Possessive Louis. Cigarettes. Alcohol consumption. Adhd and autistic aspects (I have adhd and autism, comfort >) not proof read :|

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"Stay by my side." Louis had always been wary of you're attention span in crowded places, how your anxiety can cause your brain to wonder, and you end up going off left while he is still walking forward. He guided you, and often helped you find coping skills to keep you in sight within public spaces. He loved you too much to allow you to face the challenges alone, and you loved him for it.

"I know Lou, I'll do my best. You got my location?" You and Louis after your first year together added each to Life 360, giving a good idea of where the other was, and making it easier for phone calls when he is touring, so you could see if he was on the road. Or in a plane. And he could often check if you have left him to go into a quiet cafe, or book store. Or just a simple shop that caught your attention and you forgot to mention it to him.

He held your hand as you left your shared apartment complex, feeling the flow of her thighs length black dress dance around your skin from the light breeze, tickling the gasp in your fishnets. Louis loved your style, edgy, but but cute, with lush pale blushed skin, and nice thick eyeliner, making your almond shaped orbs really pop. "Niall is bring Emily, so you get to see your sister too!"

Niall Horan and your sister, Emily met two years ago when she joined you to Louis birthday get together with close family and friends. They got on like a flurried love at first sight. "Yay, need to nag her about visiting mother with me." you chuckled gently, kissing Louis knuckles as he helped you into the taxi, shutting your door and making his way to the other side. Your hand found it's way to your stomach, a four month old pregnancy slowly showing through, and you wanted to surprise you're mother with the news sooner rather than later, with your sister and Louis. The band knew of it.

The taxi pulled from the curb and Louis hand was quick to be placed over top of yours, feeling the small bump forming, singing softly. "So excited." He grinned, sky orbs lighting up at the thoughts of seeing you in that hospital gown, holding your little bundle of joy within a blue or pink blanket, your hair sweaty and down, loose, messy, eyes tired, yet full of love.

"As am I. Will have to get them a one direction onesie." You teased the band member, who's eyes rolled, leaning over to place a kiss upon your cheek and moving your hand over to his thigh, holding it there. The drivers eyes focused on the road ahead, city lights of London gleaming down on you and the Yorkshire male through the black tinted windows. Eyes eyes, slightly hazy from nerves of going out in a crowded area, glimmered at the sights of Halloween decoration plastered around, with cute pumpkins, and green witches on brooms.

It made you excited for when your little one would arrive into this world, to explore, to play and to be protected, and grow up loved.

The cab pulled up next to a night club and Louis paid and left the car, coming around to you're side and helping you out, slinging your arm with his. "Cheers mate." you both waved the driver off, then entered the club, music filling you're ears like a needle pierce to you're eardrums. Suddenly, arms engulphed you from the side and a small gasp left you're lips, Louis arm tightening around yours until you're sisters voice filled you're ears.

"Eeee! Haven't seen you in a while!" she giggled as your arm left Louis to wrap around you're sisters torso, pulling her close. She worked as a fashion designer, so travel was normal for Emily. You were an author, so you didn't have to travel, but often you'd join the band on their tours and what not.

"Hi! Love your hair!" you complimented her as Niall walked over with Liam and Harry, leaving Zayn to buy the drinks from across the room. After greeting with the other, including Liam gifting you a gift as a congratulation on the pregnancy, you all made you're way over to Zayn at the bar, merging through herds of people dancing. Or, spotting the boys and squealing excitedly. However, guards were spaced around to ensure nothing would happened to them.

The night was going well, the boys sat at the bar chatting, while Emily had somehow managed to drag you're shy ass onto the dance floor, moving together with many chuckles and shakingly taken selfies together with silly and cute snapchat filters. "We still need to visit mom, you know?" you bought up, making the girl before you groan, sipping from her tequila.

"You can't keep avoiding it, Em. She misses you." you could remember the argument Emily and your mother had many months ago, the screaming, the slamming of doors, and Louis arms protecting you from the loud noises that were becoming increasing overstimulating.

"I know, I know.." she replied while your lips met the rim of the glass of your pink lemonade Louis brought you. "I just.. ugh, come to the bathroom." she took your spare hand, pulling you with her. Your eyes flashed to Louis, his back towards you, being dragged into a selfie with Liam and Harry. He wasn't controlling, no, but just liked to know if you were to the toilet or not, mostly to keep an eye on you're drink to save having to take it with you.

As the girls to the women's toilets close, the break from blasting music became a blessing, hearing it in the background, with ringing from you're eardrums. "Look, I've tried calling mom,, but she won't bloody answer me." Emily explained, "You know she's petty, and I just can't handle that. I've apologized for what I did, and she won't meet me halfway."

You understood, your mother had always been that way really, never truly taking blame for anything she ever did. "I know Em... but maybe if we both go there? I could always have a word with her?" Emily reached over, brushing your fringe behind your ear and smiling softly.

"You shouldn't have to do that though. One, you're my baby sister,, it should be me caring for you. And two, I don't want you to feel the wrath of our mother over something that isn't your fault." she thought for a moment, finishing her drink and casually leaving the glass on the sink side. "Look, if we both go, I'll try okay? But I'm staying in a hotel?"

You accepted her offer grinning happily and joining her for a few mirrors selfies before you both walked back to the main club room. But there was a problem. The boys weren't anywhere in sight. Or more, between you're sister being almost drunk, and you not remembering where the bar actually was, you both ended going the wrong way, now finding a different side of the club, more filled with large men watching the football and playing darts.

"Oops,, wrong side. Come on." Emily grasped you're wrist, but another voice interrupted you both, a large barrel chest blocking you're way from going back down the hall towards the bathrooms.

"Where are yer' two pretty things goin'?" a faint accent, possibly scouse and suddenly, just from the look of this mans dirty beard, and bad beer smell, you felt something was off. Emily, being the brave one of the two of you, answered how she usually would, placing herself in-between the both of you, looking up at him fearlessly.

"Back to our boyfriends, and friends. Excuse you." Emily shoved her way passed him, but as she tried to pull you, he got back in the way, causing her grip on your hand to break and leave. "Hey, move your ass." she spat, while the other men in this quieter, more duller side of the bar just turned their heads blindly, as the barmen was not there, possibly grabbing more bottles from the backroom.

Your heart began to pound, wishing you had just paid attention. Curse it. Feeling your eyes sting, you attempted to soft talk this man. "Please, can I get passed you, sir?" you're gentle tone and doe like eyes allured him, and he advanced towards you, still keeping you're sister blocked who began to panic, pushing on his shoulder.

"Dude, shift it!" she commanded, but he just ignored her, eyes glued to yours.

"Mm.. let me buy yer' a drink first, babe, then yer' can go, hm?" he grinned at you, that strong, god awful beer smell coming from his mouth. You could feel you're hands beginning to shake, becoming overstimulated and honestly quite annoyed. Slowly, you placed you're drink down on the side, making sure both hands were free to use, however, unlike your sister, fit and carrying quite a good hair of fists, you did not.

"Sir, please, I..I need the toilet." purposely, you placed you're left hand over you're small bump, but it only made him smirk wider, eyes moving to the clearage of you're breasts from the lowish cut dress. He shook his head, pointing to a different women's toilets on the other side of the room you where in.

"Go over there, bird." Bird. You hated that term. And apparently so did Emily as she smacked the back of his hand, and you could see his fists balling.

"Get. The fuck. Out. Of. Her. Way." Emily's voice was threatening, but not as threatening and as the three other men who crowded around you. An idea came to mind, and you looked over at you're sister, her eyes meeting yours.

"Em." you spoke, and she shook her head at you, but you nodded back. 'Get the boys' you mouthed silently, and she frantically shook her head, but you nodded again. "Please." you spoke, making the men's heads look down towards you. Emily practically groaned, and quickly moved back,, pulling out her phone and frantically searching for a phone number, while the men's attention fell back onto you.

"Want us to yer'self girl?"

"What's your name?"

"Where you from? Lovely voice." all of them were scousers, except one with more on a London accent, and quickly you felt small, reaching into you're purse in search of you're phone. However, a large hand on you're shoulder made you flinch, and you quickly gasped, turning around to face the other three men.

"Go on babe, you said you needed the loo,, didn't you?" he smirked, a smell of whiskey hitting your nostrils. Your world began to spin, and you could see your sister hurriedly walking back towards the girls toilets belonging to then nightclub. You realized there was probably no service, and she was going to fetch a guard close by, but was there really enough time?

Another hand came, grasping your chin and suddenly a small tear fell down your face, causing one of the men to coo at you. 'Where the hell is the barman?' came to mind, before an idea sprung, a stupid idea, but an idea no less. Quickly, you ran towards the women's toilets, the smell absolutely awful and quickly locked the front of the door, eyes scanning all three stalls for any windows.

However, with your ears ringing, lips trembling, knees becoming jelly, and mind spinning with a thousand questions of 'why me?', 'where's Emily?', 'I want Louis.' you just could not focus. Loud bangs came from the other side. "Unlock the door, bird."

"Come on, we ain't gonna hurt ya." You covered you're ears, sinking down to the fall and crying into you're knees, breathing quickly and envisioning just what would happen if they managed to bang down the door. They definitely weren't far off, as you spotted the rusted lock. The door rattled against you're back, and you could feel you're feet becoming numb with pins and needles beneath you. "Louis... please..." you hushed softly to yourself, needing your fiancé, you're comfort person.

Another bang, now the barman's voice could be heard faintly, asking them what they were doing. They lied, saying "Sorry mate, me' wife's gone and got mad at me. She's locked herself in. Come on, bird, come out please." his tone, holding a tone of threat yet fake love, came through, while you could feel the pit in you're stomach growing. Those chicken wraps you and Louis ate earlier threatening to make a reappearance alongside the pink lemonade, and non alcoholic gin you had.

"Louis... Zayn.. anyone.." you mumbled, the lock rattling with each bang on a large fist. This is what you did to yourself, you thought, your the one who forgot which way the bloody nightclub was from the run down pub behind it. Curse you. Fuck you. You could feel yourself crumbling into tiny pieces. Louis told you to stay in sight, he told you to tell him when you were going to the toilet.

"Stay by my side.'' replayed in your mind, more tears flowing down you're face, heart clenching. As soon as this lock broke, it was over. any things could happen, so long as that barman didn't believe you're tears were cause by these men, not by one of them being 'Husband'.

"Louis.." you sobbed. Then suddenly, voices. Many voices. Guards, Louis's voice, Emily, Niall, Liam, Harry, Zayn. They had come You could hear the guards taking the men away by force, while Louis's voice, full of rage basically growled at the barmen, asking where the hell you were.

Emily however, knocked on the locked bathroom door. "Y/N?" she asked, and as much as you wanted to speak, you couldn't, that urge to become you're overestimated nonverbal self taking over in one of the worst possible moments ever. So, quickly, you knocked twice on the door. Then again a second time. A knock you always did on you're sisters front door when visiting.

"She's in here!"

"Y/N? Y/N, open the door, baby! It's me!" Louis banged on it a couple times, and a few from the lock fell, making a sharp noise against the dirty concrete floor. That broke you, realizing just close those men were from breaking in. Slowly you moved, standing to you're feet and cracking the door open, peeking out with red, puffy orbs. Louis basically crashed into you, almost knocking the pair of you over if it wasn't for you're hand gripping the door handle, as he forced you into his chest, head burying into his neck.

His arms caved you in, being only a couples inches taller them you, and you welcomed it completely, breathing in his scent and warmth. Niall's hand found you're shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze, his other arm around you're trembling sisters shoulders. "I got you... bloody hell, I got you..." you could feel him shaking, from anger,, from fear. It felt awful to make him feel that way simply because you forgot.

Suddenly you pushed you away, but grasped you're cheeks in his palms. "I-I told you to stay by my side! Where- what?" the panic in his tone caused more tears to fall from you're eyes. Harry tried to calm him down, but suddenly Louis moved the pair of you further into the bathroom, and shut the door, gently pushing you against it.

"What even.. you know what- I- ugh..." he buried his face into the crook of you're neck, holding you closely to him and taking in you're perfume. His lips met your skin, kissing up your neck and feeling the taste of you're tears of his buds. "Doesn't fucking matter, tell me later. Just let me.."

You welcomed him, parting your thighs in order to give the man space to possess you, the comfort of his mouth sucking in your skin and marking it purple. "Mine.. fuck sake... why couldn't you listen to me...? Trying to give me a heart attack.." he mumbled against your jaw, coming up and catching your lips before your mind could even think of a reply. His tongue swiped across your bottom lip and you gladly gave him access, needing to erase where those men touched you. Said to you. Intended to do to you."

It seems Mr. Tomlinson read your mind, grumbling against you, "Where did they touch you...?",, and your eyes gestured to your shoulder,, which he quickly followed. "Shoulder's? Yeah darlin'? Okay.." he moved down the left strap of your dress, kissing across the skin, and nipping at it gently, his hands moving to hold your, rubbing your knuckles soothingly. "No need to talk, love, just show me." he knew you so well, and made you feel safe.

He moved to your other shoulder lowering the straps and placing soft kisses and nips across the tender skin making the shaking of both your bodies, drowning out all the words those men said to you, all the times they laid their dirty fucking fingers on you. He moved back to face you, redoing your dress straps and cupped the back of your head, playing with a few strand of hair.

"Now, you and I, are going home. First, you having something to eat, baby needs growing after all that stress, and then secondly, I am going to completely erase those fucking bastards from you." he then glanced around at the space you both stood in. "And before all that, we're takin' a goddamn shower." you could only nod, clinging to his arm as he began to open the bathroom door.

"Stay by my bloody side."

"I know, my love.." you whispered, placing a kiss to his cheek, letting him guide you.

[foone]

Growing up in a family with a couple autistic hyperfocusers and a bunch of avid readers and one Normal Guy and then a (now-adult) baby sister with a major learning disability has completely ruined my ability to have any idea what "an average person" knows about.

Like, we've got one person who hasn't even seen a single minute of the Lord of the Rings films, and another has a degree in English literature and did an entire semester on the works of Tolkien. Which one of these peoples is more "normal"? I have no idea!

Or that post of classics puns from Twitter:

How many of these jokes does the average person get? Do they understand Icarus and Medusa but not Orpheus and the joke about "Nobody"?

Anyway it's sometimes a problem because I can (and will!) explain anything at the drop of a hat, but I often am unsure about where to stop.

Like I'm trying to explain how you run Doom on Crabs. Do I need to explain how logic gates work? How transistors work? How computers work? Where do I stop talking and leave it unexplained? Because if I don't rein myself in, I will explain the whole stack from top to bottom and we'll be here all day.

And it's one of those cases where there's not an answer, which I feel is a common bind for people on the autism spectrum to be in. So many of these "don't get social cues" type problems are not because we don't know the answer, in the sense of just being ignorant of what it is, it's that the answer is "it depends on the situation".

Like the question of language formality, or swearing. How much should you swear, if any? There isn't an answer, because it depends on the context. How much is acceptable wildly changes from a hangout with friends to a work meeting to a courthouse to a church.

And similarly, "what does the average person know?" cannot be answered singularly. I explain different things more or less depending on if I'm talking on Tumblr or mastodon or a discord server, because of course you would.

I expect Tumblr to know more about trans issues and fandom, and I expect mastodon (at least the corner I hang out in) to know more about x86 assembly and floppy disks.

But even knowing that and having some success at doing it, there's still some tension because it's the kind of question where the answer is something like "I don't know, you'll have to play it by ear and pick up on subtle social clues" and BOY IS THAT NOT A TYPE OF SITUATION I'M GOOD AT!

[floral-comet-whump]

consider institutionalized living weapon whump. mmmm. I will now explain this autism fueled hyperfixation that has been going on and off for me in the last 3-5 years

content warnings (all fictional): general whump stuff, child abuse, child soldiers, living weapon whump (kinda), conditioning, discussion of genshin impact (since I'm not tagging this post as genshin in fear of normal genshin likers on tumblr stumbling onto whump and not knowing what it is, therefore whump likers who dislike genshin and have the tags blocked would still view this (maybe. idk how tag filtering works)), multiple whumpers/carewhumpers, multiple whumpees, fantasy whump, briefly mentioned eating disorder

OKAY so back at like 2020 or 2021 I was ACTIVE in the genshin rp scene and one of my friends made a fatui oc that, due to being the only survivor of a snow blizzard, was adopted into the fatui and raised to be a soldier! also this was before inazuma's release so shoutout to [unnamed bc we fell out of touch so I don't know if they'd like to be named] for predicting the house of the hearth!

anyways their oc was not only an absolute BANGER, but also sparked what I now realize was whumperflies in 14 yo me! so I copied it with my own oc. also had the stellar idea to think that if [friend's oc] was integrated, why not make it a whole program? badabim badaboom fatui orphanage. I shit you not the first thing I came up with is that the rejects get sent to dottore

uhhhh as stuff came out and someone leaked a fatui orphanage then the secret shrine maiden quest came out I TWEAKED. my oc got updates. leaks about lyney (and lynette) being from the hoth(house of the hearth) brought me back after I'd gotten bored. I desperately held myself back from telling everyone their surnames. I listened to their leaked voicelines. I read their stories.

it was not as bad as I envisioned in my head. fym arlecchino saved them!! white knight white knight!!! fym they're not sleeper agents!!!! fym freminet has a job he enjoys that is in no way related to the fatui?!!?!!! free time and healthy hobbies on my extremely fanonized interpretation of a fictional orphanage we previously only had teeny tiny crumbs about?!?!?!!!;1!?!

arlecchino releasing made me fully give up on the vision I'd originally had on the hoth. I generally do actually like the canon hoth, but I was super attached to this whole miniature concept I'd invented and shared with so many people.

so I'm making my own child soldier orphanage!!!

CONSIDER CHILD SOLDIERS IN WHUMP. WITH CONDITIONING. consider telling children that have nowhere else to go (and whumper KNOWS they have nowhere else to go) they can either join the military or continue whatever they were doing. consider training and conditioning them. consider reminding them where they'd be, had carewhumper not taken them in. consider "letting them off easy" via punishment, or threatening to put them to other use.

consider teaching those children happy lies of doing good, and shattering that reality when they dare be ungrateful and try to run away. consider always making the expectations on them clear. consider the bonds these children will form both with each other and carewhumpers. parental whump my beloved. consider living weapon whumpee that isn't an on-field combatant. consider living weapon whumpee who's allowed to be a person as a reward.

consider living weapon whumpee who was previously rescued from a different kind of whumper and is just perfect for molding into a killing machine. consider orphans children willingly volunteering for the military because the program is well known. consider generations upon generations of this where previous whumpees retire to work in the same orphanage so that they'll never have to move out, prolonging the cycle of violence with promises of family. and that family isn't even false, just conditional.

whumpee who was rescued from a vampire thrall trade and is constantly reminded where they would've been had carewhumpers not been so generous as to rehabilitate them. ungrateful little thing, always reacting so slow, cowering from the vampires the carewhumpers have taken in as if they're the same one, either hoarding food or immediately wolfing it down.

whumpee who was abandoned as a child and came in to a place they knew they'd be accepted, but gradually realized the danger behind it and tried escaping. they were brought back and thoroughly disciplined. it's obvious that they're using a facade once one simply reads their file or asks them, but that doesn't matter so long as they're obedient.

a whumpee turned carewhumper that sees nothing wrong with what they're doing. they were raised this way, and though it was very scary, so is life in general. they certainly wouldn't have survived in this world without this orphanage, and much less by being coddled. the children brought here have all had difficult experiences that have scarred them, they can't be treated like normal kids.

that's all the ocs I have thought up for it rn soz

yeah!! will also be in a typical high fantasy setting because I prefer it a whole lot more.

I'm honestly unsure of what to call this thing. I can't really go with the house of the hearth. at some point I internally called it erysimum institute because I read destroyer and the name beldam institute just sounds rlly catchy. also erysimums symbolize faith in unfortunate situations which I think fits perfectly. but the loneliness/shyness part of wallflowers (a prominent type of erysimum) is a little less fitting.

I'll definitely change the name because I want it to be as original as it can be!! probably to some kind of flower meaning rebirth or smt but idk.

p.s: it would have art!!!