#i still feel the same way when i'm in love with someone as i did when i was like 16.
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kento never understood satoru's antics. the way he'd cling to any of his friends, a literal koala. he could never wrap his head around this weird obsession with physical touch.
"you're so hypocritical nanamin," satoru joked, making kento look up from his phone.
"when have i been hypocritical?"
"when you have the most judgiest face known to man when im touchy, but you're the same!" satoru put his hands up in frustration.
"when have i ever been touchy?" kento's raised his eyebrow.
"with y/n, you're so clingy with her. it's kinda disgusting seeing you do that," satoru pretending to vomit as he ended the sentence.
"reall-"
"yeah! don't try to deny it!"
satoru's jokes usually don't affect him, but this one stuck. did he really become someone he despised? was he that clingy to you till satoru, out of all people, found a problem with it? this 'insult' was in the forefront of his mind as he entered your shared apartment.
"love, i'm home!" kento immediately took off his shoes, quickly searching for your figure.
"ken! i was just about to text you," you ran to the front door, quickly giving him a peck on his cheek. kento instinctively wrapped his arm around your waist, you swatting it away immediately. a touch
"you're dirty! i'm already clean, wash up first," you pinched your nose, pretending as if kento had smelled bad. kento quickly laughing at your antics. "let's get you cleaned up," you quickly took off his tie, putting it beside his briefcase. pushing him to your bathroom, so you could finally cuddle up with the blonde man.
kento took the fastest shower he could muster, trying to get into your arms as quickly as possible. as soon as he was done with his shower, he quickly walked to your bedroom with drenched hair and a towel in his hand.
"can you..." he nudged you with the towel, asking you to dry his hair. you simply patted the empty space beside you, kento quickly sitting.
you were on your knees on the bed, kento quickly wrapped his arms around your waist looking up at you. touch. he was content, a smile on his face as he watched you dry his hair.
"all done!" you ruffled his almost dry hair. you were about to get up to put it in the hamper, but kento's grip on you tightened.
"just put it aside...stay," and stay you did. you put the towel in your bedside table, kento's hand still touching your waist. touch
you quickly moved to get into your covers, tired out from the day you had experienced. as you finally laid down, you could feel a hand on your waist and a slight force nudging you to kento's side. you followed the force, letting it take you to kento's embrace. your head touching his chest, his arm right behind your head, his thumb making circles. touch
as you fell asleep in his arms, he was still awake...thinking. maybe he was too hypocritical, but for you, he would be the most hypocritical man in the world without any guilt.
#jjk x reader#jjk fluff#kento nanami#fumiliardrabbles#nanami x reader#jjk nanami#kento x reader#nanami fluff#nanami x y/n#jjk headcanons#nanami kento#jujutsu nanami#jujutsu kaisen nanami#kento x y/n#jjk kento#kento fluff
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Go on and possess me
Hi, my name is Ethan Baker. I'm about to graduate this year at my high school. Me and friend, Matthew, are gonna go to the same university so I'm really excited to go. Unfortunately my girlfriend, Betty, is gonna go to a uni in a different state. I really love her and we spoke about long distance, but ever since I mentioned, that I wouldn't go to the same uni as her, I started to feel that she was sort of slipping away from me. I truly love her, so I started working out and even joined the football team. She seemed proud of me, but there was still tension between us. We still want to fix our relationship, but I don't know what else to do.
Monday 7 PM
Ethan was chilling in his room, watching Tiktoks when his sister, Chloe, suddenly stormed into the room with a weird grin on her face.
Chloe:"Sup, twerp"
Ethan:"You need something? No? Piss off."
Chloe got close to him and sat on the bed. "Oh, don't be like that. I come in peace. Actually, I was thinking you could give me a review of my new bra." she took off her shirt and squeezed her breast while looking at Ethan. "It makes them look nice doesn't it?"
Ehtan:"What the fuck, Chloe?!?"
Chloe:"Oh Ethan. How I miss a human touch on my tits. I need someone to fondle them, to kiss them." she got close to shove herself against Ethan, but he moved away quickly and jumped off the bed, clearly weirded out.
Ethan:"What the hell is wrong with you? Are you NUTS?"
Chloe started laughing hysterically, but it wasn't her usual laugh. "Dude, I can't believe I managed to prank you. You should see your face."
Ethan:"Chloe? What is going on?"
Chloe:"Man, It's ME! Matt! I found a ring and I got the power to possess someone. First I possesed our dog and couldn't get out for hours. I really wanted to let you know, but I accidentally possesed Chloe. So I thought I'd mess with you a bit."
Ethan:"This is not possible. If... if you're really Matt, tell me something Chloe wouldn't know."
Matt:"Let's see. Party in the cabin, truth or dare. You were dared to make out with me in front of everyone, but you chickened out. But later in the evening when we were alone and drunk, we made out. But you claimed you're not a homo. Haha."
Ethan:"Fuck. Matt? How the fuck is this possible? Is it reversible?"
Matt:"I don't know, but I managed to get out of our dog, so let's see." Chloe’s face made a grin as if she was really trying to concentrate. Suddenly a figure trying to get out of her body appeared. And after a few seconds Matt stood behind Chloe.
Chloe looked around confused:"How did I get here?"
Matt:"You came to scream at us for being loud."
Chloe:"Right. Yeah, stay quiet you idiots." she left not noticing that her shirt was missing
Ethan:"Why doesn't she care?"
Matt:"Don't know, but I had this feeling after leaving her body, that I can manipulate her memories for a while."
Ethan:"Holy shit. I can't believe it. You have a super power. Can you imagine what we can do with that? You can erase our bad grades as our teacher, you can send us money as some millionaire."
Matt:"Or I can possess a hot chick and you can fuck me."
Ethan:"That's disturbing, man. Besides I am loyal to Betty."
Matt:"Right. The girl that won't allow you to fuck her."
Ethan:"Shut up. At least I have a girlfriend. Let's talk about your power."
The two spend hours in Ethan's room trying to come up with a plan how to improve their lives. Their main concern was to get revenge on a bully, posses teachers to get better grades and maybe later on get some cool stuff as well.
Matt looked concerned:"Ethan, I'm not really sure about possessing a guy."
Ethan:"Why?"
Matt:"Possesing a dog was easy. Your sister was a bit of an accident, but she struggled too. So I'm worried that a strong guy would be able to resist me."
Ethan:"I guess you'll have to try and see."
Matt:"I might have a better idea." Matt looked deep into Ethan's eyes.
Ethan:"No, way. I'm not letting you possess me. I know what kind of a pervert you are."
Matt:"Come on, I need to practice. And what a better chance to do it than fail later on?"
Ethan thought about it for a while. "Fine. But you'll let me see what you're doing or leave me if it won't be possible. Ok?"
Matt:"Deal"
The two of them got up and stood across each other.
Matt had a grin on his face, while Ethan didn't seem really pleased with the idea of his friend controlling his body.
Matt:"Ready?"
Ethan:"Seriously, no touching."
Matt:"Promise"
Matt stepped against Ethan and dived into him. Ethan felt as if some force was trying to pressure him from all sides. He tried to resist, but it was so much stronger.
He didn't know what happened in the following moments, but a flash from his phone "woke him up".
Ethan:"What the... Matt. Matt?!?" he heard his voice, but he didn't see his mouth move
Ethan's body posed in front of the mirror taking a photo with his shirt off
Matt:"Finally. I didn't know how to wake you up. I knew the flash would help."
Ethan:"And my shirt off would help you how?"
Matt:"I thought if I'd do anything you wouldn't agree with, it would wake you."
Ethan:"Right. Am I really suppose to believe that?"
Matt:"Maybe I just checked myself out in the mirror, just to look at your football body. I haven't even got the chance to flex yet. All I noticed was your nice figure and your tight ass jeans. Honestly, looking good bro."
Ethan:"Thanks. At least someone thinks so. Jesus, this is so weird. Seeing my body move without me controlling it."
Matt:"Can you feel anything?"
Ethan:"Yeah, I think I can. So far I felt every movement. But I'm not sure if I can feel everything"
Matt took Ethan's index finger, licked it and pushed it into Ethan's ear.
Both of them felt that disgusting feeling.
Ethan:"Why did you do that?"
Matt:"Now we know you feel everything. But if you wanna be sure, I can push it in your ass."
Ethan:"No! Ok, we know what we needed, right? You can leave me now."
Matt smiled mischievously. "We haven't even had any fun like this. It's the first out of many times we're sharing a body, just imagine what it's gonna be like to get drunk, to eat, to take a shit together, to cum or fuck someone."
Ethan:"You're not doing that in my body. Forget about that."
Matt turned to the mirror again and scanned his body.
Matt:"Honestly. What's up with Betty? You look really great, man. I don't know what her problem is." he finished speaking and started unbuttoning his pants.
Ethan:"What are you doing? We had a deal"
Matt:"Relax. I just wanna check you out in your boxers. See what the deal is about." The jeans felt on the floor.
Matt:"Woah. Look at you. Looking good, Ethan. And check out these guns. I really don't understand that bitch. If I were her, I'd fuck you the first chance I'd get."
Ethan:"Don't talk about her like that. She... she just doesn't know what she wants."
The doorbell rang. Chloe went to answer the door.
Chloe screamed.l:"Ethan! It's Betty."
Matt:"Ooooh, this is gonna be fun. LET HER IN!"
Ethan:"Matt, you have to leave. You can't talk to Betty. You'll screw it up for me."
Matt:"Relax. At least we'll see if it's not you she's worried to have sex with."
Ethan:"Matt, don't you dare. You promised."
Matt:"Shhh. No more talking."
Betty:"Who are you talking to?"
Matt:"Hey, honey. No one. Just talking to myself. What's up?"
Betty:"Ethan. I came to talk to you. I didn't want to do it over the phone."
Ethan:"She's gonna break up with me. Fuck."
Betty:"I really thought for a long time about us, but..."
Ethan felt as if a giant weight was lifted from him. It took him a moment, but he could move again. On his own.
Betty:"... but I decided that we should take next step in our relationship."
Ethan wasn't sure, what happened to Matt, but he was really surprised by Betty's response. "Wait, really?"
Betty:"Yes. I'm ready."
Ethan couldn't believe it. It was finally about to happen.
They collapsed on the bed, embracing each other. Ethan started making out with her, while her body pressed on his hardening bulge. Ethan took off her shirt and touched her breasts. Betty touched his hard dick over the boxers amd then slid her hand in his boxers and started jerking him off. Ethan kissed Betty's neck which caused her to moan.
Betty:"Oh yeah. Fuck me."
Ethan:"You're so hot, Betty."
Betty:"Finger me!"
Ethan was shocked by her new horny attitude, but slid his hand down and pushed one finger in.
Betty:"Ohh yeah. That's the stuff, dude."
Ethan:"Dude?!? Matt?!?" Ethan jumped away from him. "What the fuck?! You can't do stuff like this. To me or Betty. This is not right."
Matt was now enjoying his breasts and looking seductively at Ethan. "You know you want to fuck me, Ethan. I have been a bad, bad girl."
Ethan:"No, not like this. I want you to leave. her body"
Matt in Betty's body:"Fine, but I'm not promising anything else this time." Betty's hand reached out to Ethan. The same feeling, but now much stronger took over Ethan.
Ethan body continued to move over to Betty. "You're so hot, Betty. "
Betty looked around confused. She was shocked as she found her own fingers in her vagina and the other hand fondling her breasts. "What... what happened?"
Matt:"You said you were ready and then you threw yourself at me."
Betty:"I... I have to go. I'm... I'm sorry, Ethan. I can't..." she grabbed her stuff and stormed through the door of Ethan's bedroom.
Matt:"You could at least suck me off. Ah... whatever. We don't need her, right Ethan?"
Matt closed the door and approached the mirror.
Matt:"Look at us, Ethan. We are so hot. The abs, the nipples. The hairless body. The muscles. We can have anyone. We can fuck anyone."
Ethan:"Matt, stop this. I know the power is taking over your mind. But I can help you control this. Just leave my body."
Matt:"Ethan, don't worry. I won't do anything you wouldn't do, man. I'm still your friend." an evil grin appeared on Ethan's face.
Matt:"Have you thought about gay sex, Ethan? You would be really popular in the gay community."
Ethan:"You just said you wouldn't do anything I wouldn't..."
Matt:"That's why I'm asking. I'm just checkinh what my options are right now."
Matt:"Well, we still haven't had proper time to explore our new shared body together, right?"
Ethan:"Matt, you have a great body of your own. Or you could take over someone else. Some jock maybe."
Matt:"But I'm you now. I want to get us to know each other better. Don't you want to be better friends? I mean. I could possess your sister again. That would be more fun."
Ethan:"Ok, fine. You can stay. But be respectful. No exploring in my body. I can see you moving my hand close to my dick every second. And stop looking at my body. It's creepy."
Matt turned around from the mirror. His head tilted to the side. "You're no fun, Ethan. We could already be jerking off your nice dick, instead we're having a fight here."
Ethan:"It's really creepy, man. Like... what if I would do the same to you in your body?"
Matt:"That's sounds hot. Come on, man. You know you're excited to try it out."
Ethan didn't reply, which Matt took as an approval and threw off his briefs. As soon as he did he looked back at his reflection.
Matt:"God daaaaaamn, Ethan. Look at yourself. You're a hot piece of meat. It feels amazing to have your body."
Ethan:"...thanks, I guess"
Matt:"And let's take this little guy for a spin."
Ethan:"Yet I'm bigger than you."
Matt:"Bigger, but not the biggest I saw. Oh wow, you're a grower I didn't expect that, it's really getting bigger and it's so hard, oh my god. You should shaved Ethan. It would make it look even bigger."
Ethan:"Matt, this is too gay for me. I don't think I want to continue."
Matt:"Hold on, I'm just about to start." Matt started stroking Ethan's dick. He went slowly first, but the built up hormones in Ethan's body forced him to go faster. Ethan felt a wave of pleasure hit him too. He didn't jerk off very often, so this was pleasant and even more so that someone else was doing it to him, for him. Someone was really appreciating his body.
Ethan:"Fuuuck. Matt. Go faster."
Matt smiled. He sped up and started humping Ethan's palm to the rhytm. Matt couldn't keep his hands off his new body. He kept returning back to his muscles, but what interested him the most were his new sensitive nipples. He stroked them while jerking off.
Matt:"Ethan. I love... your body so much"
Ethan:"I love having you in me too. I want to cum with you. Make me cum, please!!!"
Matt went closer to the mirror. The furious movements of the hand forced him to moan out loud. He was so close.
The stream was impressive. It reached a height that Matt didn't even expect and landed on the mirror.
Matt smiled, all sweaty:"Wow. You're quite a good shot. I would have gone further away from the mirror if I had known that."
Ethan felt the clarity earlier than Matt. He just let his best friend jerk his body off. This was so strange.
Ethan:"So what's the plan for tommorow? Who do you want to possess first?"
Matt:"We should try Jack and bully all his friends as a revenge. What do you think?"
Ethan:"That sounds great. We sho..." Ethan's voice faded from Matt's mind, but Matt didn't seem concerned. He got close to the mirror and looked deep into his new eyes.
Matt:"Sorry, Ethan. But I want to enjoy your body now in more privacy. I'm sure you understand." he kissed his reflection and started licking the mirror, making his way to the cum pouring slowly on the mirror surface.
Matt:"Ew, Ethan. That's for not eating enough sugar. I'll fix that for you. But now I got something to fix for you."
Matt took out Ethan's phone and called Betty. "Hey, Betty. Do you mind If I'd come over? I want to know if you're ok. You were so different before. So fearless and READY. I was really weirded out, but actually happy to see that. Really? Huh. That's strange. Well I can go to your house and we can talk about it. Ok, see you in a few minutes."
Matt locked the phone and headed to the bathroom, where he knew that Ethan had condoms ready.
He approached the mirror. Looked back at himself and said:"Congratulations, Ethan. You're not gonna be a virgin anymore. I'll give Betty a great time. Don't worry. Not like you should worry at all, you can't hear me and it's not like I'd give you your body back anytime soon. Haha."
#posession#possessed#body possession#male possession#ghost possession#Friend possession#gay to straight#striaght to gay
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Thinking so deeply about Evan basically going "i wanted to live in a magical treehouse with the three of you forever" and the way it made me feel the exact same way as I did when I heard the "everyone will find someone that matters more to them than you" quote out of context from Fantasy High (i still havent even seen it i really need to). It speaks so deeply to me as an aroace person in a way that i cant fully explain. I'm never going to have a family in the way that is expected, and to me it feels so incredibly likely that everyone I know and love will have someone else to go back to, some other better, realer, relationships to fulfill. Having those childish dreams in your highschool years where you're so sure that all of your friends are going to be by your side forever, and that they're always going to be the same people with the same interests (like how Evan placed them all into neat distinct categories of sports and shadows and sparkles and pink) because you're so scared that everything is changing and before you know its going to be gone. And you know that once that's gone for you, you might never find anything like it again, because you're fundamentally different, maybe even fundamentally broken, and maybe that's okay because your friends deserve something you can't really give them.
#i know evan has been in a romantic relationship before but aroace evan just lives so close to my heart#misfits and magic#evan kelmp#mismag#misfits and magic 2
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a crumb of nsfw daisuke?
daisuke x reader | headcanons
requests/inbox: open
[ 🔞 minors dni ]
woah. from sweet to spicy. ill give this a try!
wrote this on mobile, sorry for the fuckass formatting.
gender neutral reader. sillies. lots of sillies. weed mention (like once).
🌺 sillies, even when it comes to sex!
🌺 c'mon, he somehow sneaked in some of his secret stash'a magazines. he's still a guy after all.
"Dai?"
"Yeah?" He's busy on his Gameboy, but he acknowledges you, tilting his body to show his face but his eyes were glued to the screen.
"Did you steal these porn mags from Jimmy or someth—"
A pink blur suddenly pushes you away, using his feet to kick it back under his bed.
"DUDE. PRIVACY. C'MON NOW."
🌺 You've probably caught him once or twice even before you two were a thing. It wasn't hard to, after all, you both shared a room.
Too lost in the sauce to even notice you, so you had to clear your throat. You've never seen someone so shocked to the point he doesn't know whether to shove his dick back in his pants, hide under the blankets, or try to do both at the same time but completely failing. He's stuttering your name out along with strings of apologies. Don't get your dick caught in your zipper now, Daisuke.
"I didn't know you were there! Shitshitshit- I'm so so sorry- Aghhhh." He felt pathetic, whining in embarrassment. Daisuke ends up just pulling the blanket over the entirety of him.
"You could've just asked me for help, y'know." He stares at you, scandalized as if he wasn't rubbing one off just moments ago.
"How the fuck was I s'posed to know?!"
You shrug, amused. "Dunno."
"Man, fuck youuuu."
"Happily."
"Get over here already, please!"
🌺 Outside internship though? Weed before sex seems like something he'd do. I can't explain why.
🌺 Feeling his rings on you... in many ways.
🌺 Pretty sure we all agree that he's into praising. Both giving and receiving.
🌺 You know he's having lots of fun when the pitch of his voice goes high. Squeaking, voice cracking, whining.
🌺 Speaking of how vocal he is, he's probably loud too. But, since you're in the ship now, he'll try his best to keep it down, either on the pillow or you. He'll also be rambling about random things just so he doesn't finish early.
🌺 Dirty talking? ❌ He'll be cringing like there's no tomorrow. He'll make a discord (or whatever equivalent) kitten joke about it if he does.
🌺 Unintentional dirty talking though... That's another story. Or should I rephrase, more-so leaning towards cussing.
"Fuck— you're sosososo pretty..." His hands were pressing the back of your knees, folding and spreading your legs for him. He whines your name out, resting his length on your abdomen while he impatiently waits for your permission. "C'mon, pretty. I'll be this deep inside you."
-
"Feels good. Feels so good." He's panting and rutting into you like a dog. "You should- nh- loosen up a little- shit- if you get any tighter I think I'll cum..."
🌺 Quickies galore. Sure, it's less risky, but with his libido? Anyways, he's pretty easy to please anyways. A round or two would probably be enough for him.
🌺 Wearing his clothes while at it? Mega turn on for him.
🌺 Well, yes his libido is high, but you still need to be straightforward with him. He can't take hints...
"Want head?"
"?!? Who's head?!"
"YOUR DICK."
"YOU'RE CUTTING IT OFF?"
"WHAT? NO, I MEANT SUCKING YOUR—"
"Good morning to you both too."
"CAPTAIN?"
🌺 He loves giving and receiving hickeys. You would have to remind him everytime not to mark too high on your neck.
🌺 His aftercare involves lots of cuddling and lots of smooching.
🌺 Ending with a silly note. The first time you've done it with him, he ended up saying thank you since he didn't know what to do.
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If you're still feeling DBD drabbles I'd love some post-canon Edwin and Crystal bonding (making fun of celebrities together? studying magic? comparing rich neglectful parents?)
I love a good Edwin and Crystal bonding moment! I hope that if we ever get season 2 we get to see more of them bickering and bonding. Because these two remind me of me and my sibling so strongly it almost hurts <3
(reminder that i am taking election night drabbles, although i can't promise they'll be posted tonight. i'm working on as many as i can, but it is getting late! i'll likely finish most of them tomorrow unfortunately)
Drabble 2
Crystal and Edwin were at war. Or at least, that’s what Crystal would have labeled themselves as. According to Charles this was simply, ‘Edwin when he likes you,’ which Crystal wanted to be judgemental about, but she had her memories back and she could remember what a menace she’d been to people she liked.
“It is not hard, Crystal,” Edwin stressed, leaning heavily on to the desk in front of him. At some point in time he had abandoned his coat and jacket and rolled his sleeves up in what had to be the most laid back outfit Crystal had ever seen him in.
Yet there was nothing relaxed about Edwin. She’d never known him to be a particularly relaxed person, but there was a strange undercurrent of stress that was running through him that she was pretty sure wasn’t always there.
She sighed again for what must have been the millionth time and dropped her phone onto the couch next to her. It’s not like anyone she actually liked contacted her that way. In fact, she’d been arguing with her mom the last time someone had actually reached out to her, which had only resulted in Crystal storming out of the house and crashing in the agency’s office for a few days.
Which brought them to where they were now. Edwin tapped the book in front of him, looking for all the world like a young teaching assistant annoyed with his students. “If you would simply try, I know you cou-”
Violently, she shoved herself up off of the couch. Her feet banged against the floor, almost loud enough to rattle the windows, and for once she was glad Charles wasn’t here. She didn’t want him to see her like this.
“I have tried, Edwin! I’ve tried, okay! Have you ever tried shutting up?!” she asked before throwing herself back down onto the couch, her back turned towards the world as if that might somehow block out the ghost.
One of Crystal’s favorite and least favorite things about Edwin was that he never seemed to be dissuaded by her poor attitude. Sometimes, it even seemed to encourage him. “If you had actually tried, you would have cast the spell,” Edwin said. There was no heat to his voice, not even an ounce of actual anger to him– even though Crystal was sure he was pissed.
She squeezed her eyes shut. Maybe if she did that she’d be able to block out Edwin’s voice and the tears at the same time. “I did try,” she said, all of the fire in her voice having faded until it sounded broken and sad.
The sound of soft footsteps filled the room. Edwin’s familiar sounding boots shuffled against the floor until he reached the couch and seemed to hover there for a moment.
“Ah,” he said. “I see.”
And Crystal wasn’t sure what he meant until she rolled over and saw him looking at her phone.
“You are fighting with your parents,” he said.
“So what?” she asked and snatched her phone out of his hands.
“So, magic, especially one as instinctual and ingrained as yours, is highly influenced by your emotions.” Crystal glared up at him from the corner of her eye, which forced him to hold his hands up in defense. “Not because you are a woman, or whatever else it is you might be thinking I meant. Just because magic works that way.”
They needed a new couch. She poked at a hole that had long since been worn into the cushion and pulled out a bit of stuffing before sticking it back inside. “So I’m just going to keep fucking it up?” she asked.
Edwin sat down on the floor with his back to the couch. It was almost easier to talk this way, the two of them back to back. At least then she didn’t have to see his judgmental face, and he wouldn’t have to see her cry.
Not that she was crying, of course.
“No,” Edwin said quietly. “You will not keep ‘fucking it up.’ Although it will likely take time for you to get used to doing magic with such intentions, not just relying on your instincts to guide you.”
She pulled another thing of stuffing out before shoving it back in. “What’s so wrong with instincts?” Her ancestors had done fantastically for her so far.
Edwin shuffled, but she couldn’t figure out what he had done. “Nothing. Instincts are, as Charles would say, brills. They help keep you alive and safe and have been developed for exactly that reason.” He shifted again, and this time Crystal could feel him fully leaning back against the couch, and the goosebumps that a ghost in too close proximity caused raised along her skin.
“But what happens if you can’t trust your instincts? What if something has changed or been manipulated and you can’t trust them?” he asked.
And Crystal knew they were talking about something heavy, something that Edwin would definitely rather not talk about with her. But here he was, talking about it with her just the same.
“You mean Hell?” she asked. She rolled over just enough to get a peek at the top of Edwin’s head. Even though she could see very little of him, she could tell that he was nervous and that made her nervous.
“Not strictly speaking of Hell. There are plenty of supernatural beings with the ability to manipulate you or your senses for their own gains.” He looked over his shoulder, his eyes barely catching hers. “But yes, I was referring to demons like David.”
Her nails had already been bitten down to the quick, but she chewed on them anyways. Buzzes shook the couch as more texts from her mom chimed in, likely just another rant about what an awful child she was and how she was making everything so difficult for them.
“They’re just saying those things because they feel like they are failing as parents,” Edwin said. He’d turned back away, his eyes staring into the closet as if it offered something particularly interesting inside. “And while that might be true, that does not mean that you are a failure.”
She snorted. “Oh yeah,” she said. “What do you know about it?”
Edwin’s sharp green eyes turned towards her before quickly cutting away. “You are hardly the only one to grow up with rich, neglectful parents,” Edwin said. “Why do you think I was sent away to school in the first place?”
Any and all fight she had had in her died. Fighting with Edwin was supposed to be fun and sharp and quick– it didn’t seem fair to fight him when he was being so honest.
A forced smile spread across her face as she reached out and bumped him with her hand. “Shoulda known you had rich parents,” she said. “Look at how you talk.”
Edwin furrowed his brow. “Everyone at school spoke the way I do.”
“Exactly.”
They sat in silence for a while before Crystal sighed and held out her hand. “Gimme the book,” she said. Which Edwin gracefully did.
The original language was too hard for Crystal to read, but Edwin had written it down in English and then wrote it out phonetically below that. It wasn’t very long, nor was it anything special, just a minor illusion spell. It wouldn’t be enough to trick anyone, or save her from a demon, but it was definitely a start.
“Charles will be happy you’re trying again,” Edwin said as she ran her hands over the pages.
“Oh yeah?” she asked. Was that a B or a D? Edwin’s handwriting was so nice it was almost hard to read.
“He takes his job very seriously as the brawn,” Edwin said, as if she needed to be told that. “But it makes him happy to know that you or I could defend ourselves with spells if we had to.”
Once again she snorted. “But you never do,” she said. “And I don’t see how this little spell is supposed to help.”
Edwin nodded. “Never need to. But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be able to in return. Besides, this was one of the first spells I ever learned, and it's a great base to build on.”
And maybe that was a better way of looking at it. Not just defending herself or learning magic that some old, dead person other than Edwin had created when she could just use her own ancestral abilities. No, this was just another way to protect not only herself but the people she had come to love.
Plus, wouldn’t it be nice to have a base spell that she could work on? If she could master this, maybe she could use some elements from it in her family's own magic.
Slowly, she read the words out as she tried to picture what she wanted to show Edwin. It wouldn’t be perfect, she was sure of that, but God if she wasn’t going to make this time work.
Purple petals and leaves filled the air as the image of the tree inside herself appeared in her palm. It was shaky, the picture almost glitchy and waving before reappearing slightly less detailed than before. It was as if someone had roughly sketched what was inside her without any special art talent.
But dammit, that was her tree, and she had cast it.
“It’s beautiful,” Edwin said. His eyes were wide, and he leaned in. Petals settled over him for a moment before passing through him on the way to the ground. She wondered if that was a ghost thing or a magic thing.
“This is me,” she said.
Edwin glanced at her before turning back to the tree. “Your ancestors’ tree,” he said, finally understanding. “I can only imagine how amazing it is in person.”
Pride she hadn’t expected to feel flooded her, filling her tree with even more light until it nearly blinded the two of them. Edwin folded her hands closed, shutting off the spell as they blinked spots from their vision.
She smiled sheepishly and he grinned back at her, one of the first true smiles she thought she had ever seen on his face.
“We’ll work on that,” he said.
And they would.
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Mortality Defined
Masterlist Word count: 1.6 k Halsin x Reader Read on AO3
Summary: You are a human, Halsin is an elf. Your lifespan is much shorter than his and he wonders if life is worth living if you're not in it.
Writer's note: I don't know why but I still can't post a full work here. I don't know why. If anyone has any solutions for me, please let me know. I'm getting frustrated.
The year changes from sunlit beach days to a sunset of leaves. Halsin always admires this time of year. The dying of the world in anticipation for new life. It's a wonderful thing and something he often ponders on. A year is an hour in the long, long lifespan of an elf. In Halsin's busy and chaotic life it feels more like a second, but these past weeks travelling with her and the other friends he made felt like centuries. She, so humble and kind, carried the world on her shoulders. He feels he will never understand her fully. She is human. Where he has already lived 350 years, she will get a 100 if she's lucky. With their way of life, it will probably be less. A human's body dies around them every second of every day after they're done growing. She was 27 when they embarked on their journey to safe Faerun, a young adult in human years. When he was 27 he was just latching off the helping hands of his parents. She told him she had been living on her own since she was 18. Now she's 32 and has been living with him since the Absolute was put down. He can tell she's slowly ageing. She is forming some smile lines and little crows feet at the corners of her eyes. Halsin hadn't really thought about elderly people as his kind doesn't visibly age much after a certain point, but then he was confronted with Shadowheart's mother who looked so frail. It suddenly made him realize that she will someday look like that as well. Even so, there's this thing that is only found in those that are human. The phenomenon of the Impenetrable Human Spirit. A death grip on life, refusal to let go in the direst of times. When all the odds are stacked against you but you refuse to let them define you. Which sounds strange until you meet a few humans in time of war. After he realized that, he understood why so many Flaming Fists are human. He hopes he'll never have to witness it again but to see someone so fiercely cling onto life while any other would have already perished in the same circumstances is truly a sight. Humans are a force to be reckoned with. Even with their short lifespans, they try to put something worthwhile on this plane. They want to feel accomplished. 'Halsin, dinner's ready,' her angelic voice calls from inside and Halsin snaps out of his trance. 'Did you want to eat outside?' He looks over his shoulder through the open backdoor of their cosy little cottage, straight into the kitchen where she is plating up dinner. She's a wonderful cook, an amazing partner, and a great artist. His days are spent trying to find the best way to worship her being in hopes it'll buy her another year. 'That'd be lovely. Thank you.’ She walks out with two plates and a smile on her face. He takes his plate from her as she sits down on the grass next to him. 'You were so far away all day,' she notes with her smile still on her lips, 'where did your mind go?' 'My heart, you would not want to know.' 'Don't worry me, love. You can tell me.' Halsin takes a second to compose himself, playing with his food for a second. She always tells him everything, what reason does he have to keep his worries to himself? She'll understand. She always does. 'I was pondering your mortality.' 'How so?' 'Well, I have nothing but time, but that is not the same for you. I have lived over three centuries. That's three, maybe four, human lifetimes. You are merely a tenth of my age and yet you feel like an equal.' He looks over to her, a somber smile now plays on her lips. 'That's not all, is it?' 'It is not.' 'Are you worried you will be alone after I pass? That you won't have enough time to know me?' 'Something like that, yes.' 'Something like that?'
Read the remainder on AO3
#Spotify#halsin fanfiction#halsin angst#halsin fic#halsin x reader#halsin#halsin x tav#halsin bg3#halsin bg3 fic#halsin bg3 fanfic#baldurs gate#bg3 halsin#bg3 fanfic#bg3 fanfiction#bg3#halsin baldur's gate 3#baldurs gate fic#baldur's gate fanfic#baldur's gate 3#baldur's gate iii#baldurs gate tav
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yours for the time being |5|
summary: what happens when your academic rival of years proposes an offer of fake dating? pure chaos.
pairing: gryffindor!jude bellingham x slytherin!reader
a/n: it’s taken a while for me to write this but thank you for being on this series journey with me! enjoy my loves <3
a typical saturday night. aka the day where the famous slytherin parties take place. most nights it was for winning matches and others, it was just for the hell of it. the common room decorated in various halloween decor. the group deciding last minute to have a costume party. taking the idea from the muggles and what they do to celebrate the holiday.
"you look smoking hot," pansy whistles at you, as you made your way downstairs. your costume being a vampire. a mini black dress and a black velvet cape with dark red platforms to match the fake blood that dripped from the side of your lips.
"so do you love!" you clapped for her sexy cat costume.
"i think we all look good," draco chips into the conversation.
"you're literally dressed as a wizard. talk about no originality." draco rolls his eyes at theo's statement.
"simplicity is way better than over doing it."
"you didn't put any effort into it," blaise says and stares at the slytherin boy as if he had grown two heads.
"haters are my motivators," draco said, as he walked away to finish putting more snacks and drinks out. it was amazing how much alcohol you guys managed to sneak in.
theo dressed as cupid. supporting the red wings and having the heart bow and arrow. blaise was dressed as beetlejuice. even having his hair spray green and having the exact face paint. you loved that your friends went all out. well minus draco.
"let's pregame this shit and see where the night takes us," pansy yells, not that she had to, but she wanted to get her point across. you guys cheered and each grab a shot to throw back. you missed the way theo, blaise, and pansy smirked at each other. it was going to be a long night.
-
jude felt stupid. why had he let his friends convince him to go to a slytherin party. the gryffindor boy hadn't spoken to her in weeks and now they both were going to be in the same vicinity. 'maybe we still would have been together if i didn't hurt her feelings'. is all he could think about. maybe he would've been by her side right now and maybe just maybe they would've had cute matching costumes. the boy was dressed as a vampire. the top hat and the stupid cape. he decided to put fake blood on the white button up shirt instead of having it on his face.
"you ready mates?" harry shouts for jude and ron. the other gryffindor boy dressed as captain america. ron dressed as spider-man.
"i'm ready to drink to my heart's desire."
"jude, you made that sound incredibly depressing," hermione says, coming down from her side of the common room. she dressed as a fairy. a matching costume that she wanted to do with luna.
"well lets get to it. don't wanna be late," jude mumbles, already walking towards the common room door. he was nervous to see her. what costume would she be wearing? is she as miserable as he is? did she even miss him? will she be wearing that sweet vanilla perfume that drives him crazy? his mind runs a million thoughts.
-
the party is in full swing. everyone holding a cup or two and dancing to the music. your friends had been sneaking glances at each other all night. not that you were really paying attention. too focused on the guy in front of you. a handsome ravenclaw that was about jude's height. maybe a little shorter than him. you know what they say, to get over someone, you must get under someone new. although, you were comparing the boy in front of you to the boy that secretly held your heart.
"so, i found it crazy that we were able to spot a group of doxies. in the middle of spring, right before-" every word fell upon deaf ears, as you watched harry, ron, hermione and jude walk in. suddenly, you felt sick. matching costumes with the one person who you avoided. ever since that day, nothing was normal.
"excuse me," you didn't wait for him to respond, walking away immediately to get a drink. taking a red cup, you poured yourself a drink and downed it. going for a second before pansy stops you.
"you alright love?"
"jude is here."
"why don't you wait in our dorm room? just take a breather really quick," you nodded and maneuver your way around dancing bodies. pansy's eyes follow your movement until she couldn't see you anymore. only then did she wink at harry and the plan was in motion.
"mate, can you help me find something?"
"like what?" jude raised an eyebrow at harry. a drink in his hand, while he heavily eyed his friend.
"i think i lost my ring."
"we just got here and you weren't wearing a ring."
"do have to spell it out for you?"
"what are you talking about?" harry dramatically sighs.
"i had a one-night stand with this slytherin girl and i left my ring in the room. i need to get it now while we're here," harry lied. a damn good lie if you asked him.
"you're impossible mate, lead the way," jude nods his head at harry to take the lead. harry leads the two of them upstairs. catching the eye of hermione and pansy, he slightly nods. step two was officially underway.
-
you sat on your bed, twirling the drink around in the cup. platforms and cape long discarded. what were you suppose to say to him? how much you truly were sorry? that you wished you could take it all back? how ironic that the minute you try to push him away and out of your mind again, he shows up. like he always did. even before the fake dating. he was a pest that wouldn't budge. a stupidly handsome pest.
"it should be in this one." you heard a muffled voice speak from outside the door. the door swings open and jude is pushed inside. you gasp quietly and sit up straighter.
"y/n?" jude stutters out in confusion.
"hi," you softly spoke. the two of you turn attention to the door that was slammed shut. a realization washes over you.
"jude open the door!" you hop off the bed and walk towards the closed door. he turns to pull at the knob, and it was no use.
"it won't open."
"and it won't open until you guys make up!" pansy yells over the loud music. "or make out! whichever comes first."
"no pressure though," ron says. 'no pressure my ass' you mumble to yourself.
hearing the footsteps grow in distance, you knew that they were long gone. you sigh and sit right back on the bed. jude stands there, unsure of what to do. only then does he realize the matching costumes. his heart swoons and breaks all at the same time.
"you're welcomed to sit," you pat the spot next to you. no use in prolonging the situation. it was now or never at this point. jude sits on the bed, making a point to sit at the end of the bed.
"matching costumes, aye?" he looks at you with a lopsided grin. it didn't reach his ears like it normally would've it, but you found it endearing anyway.
"yeah. maybe we're connected in some way," you said, while looking down at your lap. picking lint off your dress that wasn't anywhere to be found.
"like soulmates?" you lift your head meeting his gaze. oh, how you've missed those chocolate brown eyes.
"yeah maybe."
the silence takes over the room again. internally, you were panicking. what do you say? would it be worth it?
"soo."
"soo," he mimicked you. something that you both were used to. you let out a breathy chuckle.
"how are you and lavender?" turning your eyes back to the bottom of your dress. missing the way jude looks at you as if you were crazy. he felt somewhat offended.
"me and lavender? what are you on about?"
"i seen you guys," you shrugged your shoulders. the gryffindor boy scoffs.
"what are we doing here y/n? you put your friends up to this?"
"why would you think that?"
"you're trying to rub it in. well congratulations, you win," jude's voice seemly increasing by the minute. it left you dumbfounded.
"what could i possibly be rubbing in? i'm in the same boat you are!" your own voice getting louder as well.
"yeah right. i doubt you feel anything like the heartless slytherin you are." ouch.
"that's not true!"
"yes, is it. you don't care about anyone but yourself. you've proven that long before." jude was being mean that this point. his yelling and the hatful words that spewed from his mouth.
"that's not true jude! you're absolutely wrong."
"how can i be wrong? huh?"
"because i care about you, you fucking idiot," you yelled, which sends him into silence.
"you're the one that broke it off."
"yeah, because you've hurt my feelings and i don't want to continually go through that."
"i've apologized for it and i spilled my heart out to you. i told you that i would continue to apologize for it." tensions rising once more.
"right right, you're soo apologetic that you turn around and call me a heartless slytherin who only cares about herself," you crossed your arms and faced the wall. you refuse to cry in front of him. jude sighs and looks down at his lap.
"i was just upset. i didn't mean it," jude says in a quieter tone.
"so, every time you're upset with me, you'll throw how slytherins act like this in my face? how i'm a person that feels nothing?" you looked into his brown eyes with glossy eyes.
"y/n i care about you so much that it scares me. i don't know how you feel because you won't let me in. that's all i'm asking-"
"jude i like you too! is that what you want to hear? i hate that i hurt you but you have to understand that i was protecting myself. i've spent so long building walls to guard my heart and here you come. in a few months, you've managed to-"
jude doesn't let you finish, instead placing a hand on your cheek and bringing you in for a kiss. it was tentative until you start kissing him back. the boy's confidence boosts, and he slides his other hand to your waist. pulling you closer to him. you grab the collar of his cape and press into him more. lips crushing together. you missed the way his lips felt on yours.
he bites your lip, asking for permission. you allowed it, opening your mouth just enough for his tongue to squeeze through. without breaking the kiss, you straddle him. one leg sitting on either side of jude's thigh. naturally, his hands find your waist again. tongues exploring each other and fighting for dominance. the kiss comes to stop, hearing something break from the other side of the door. pulling away, you both looked at each other. it wasn't long before you guys share laughter.
"i've missed you," jude's laughter quieting down to confess to you. you wrap your arms around his waist, pulling him into a hug and placing your face in the crook of his neck.
"i've missed you too." jude's arms hug your body tightly, sending warmth to spread throughout you. his head leans into yours and places a kiss onto your head.
"so, what do we do now?" you lift your head to face him, questioning where you go from here. jude gazes into your eyes, a small smile etching its way to his lips.
"we try. think you can manage that?" rising an eyebrow in a teasing manner. you grinned back at him.
"yeah. i think i can manage that."
"to that i have one thing i want to ask you."
"which is?"
"will you officially be my girlfriend? before you answer, know that we need to have open communication and i need you to let me into that pretty little mind of yours," jude says, ending his sentence with playfully pinching your side. you laughed and pushed his hand away.
"let me think about that."
"y/n."
"i'm kidding. of course i'll be your official girlfriend." jude smiles again, pulling you in for another kiss. you knew then that you guys were gonna be just fine. as long as you had each other.
#jude bellingham x reader#jude bellingham#jude bellingham imagine#jude bellingham one shot#harry potter au#harry potter x reader#slytherin!reader
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I realized something about myself sooner than my parents did, sooner than my friends did, and sooner than anyone I managed to lie through my teeth and convince to love me.
I was a wolf.
Selfish, jealous, vile. The mask I wore to comfort those around me, the tendencies I had when I saw something or someone wanted - all those years of repressed urges. It's hard. I was born in the wrong century, the wrong millenia, the wrong era. Imagine if I could just take what I wanted? If bashing in someone's skull was an action people looked up at, all these violent and disgusting desires weren't socially frowned upon.
Thankfully, tumblr has been a lovely faucet to expell my thoughts. To share some things before I imploded. Even if my physical, innate horrid nature was left unattended, and my emotional capacity was shallow to hear empty, feeling my heart race and obtaining a genuine and pure emotion for someone other than myself - through rape, father figured smut and vile fantasies - felt as though my mask was finally off. Chasing something I don't deserve, something I can never have. lying to myself, convincing myself that it was possible. yeah right. as if.
my ranting aside, today's topic is about emotional selfishness.
I often claim that I'm obsessive and possessive, and while that's true, it only happens once I make a connection to someone. An emotional one. Expressing weaknesses, smiling at the messages, longing for the painful distance of someone who finally understands me for who I am. A creep putting on the front of a polite, somewhat normal guy who wants to be loved for the person he doesn't have the audacity to present to the world. I urge people to get close to me, I tease and smile and laugh, I worry and comfort, I ask them to tell me their secrets, their concerns, their lives - while holding every part of me back. Would they waste their time with me if they knew what I was? If they knew that my fantasies and desires were innate and not just built off of things I saw online? Could I truly take off the mask and still be accepted? Or, present myself as the engima and play along with that concept until they find someone else to make them feel the same way I once did? Can I handle watching someone I've grown attached to slowly drift away? The sick and twisted thing I call my heart, has it always been that fragile? It must have. The single most thing I despise being done to me, was easier to do to others.
I understand, more than what anyone may think I do about the fear of abandonment. And, it's one of the greatest hurdles I hope to jump through one of these days. But, I really need to put an end to dumping my insecurities online - but hey, it's my blog. I'm sure you'll get a more vile post later tonight. Until then,
With love, lust and everything inbetween,
Shepard
#1cky puppy#br33d1ng#cnc blackmail#cnc kidnapping#forced intox#intox#intox cnc#intox kink#rough cnc#corruption kink#1cky#1cky princess#1cky daughter#1cky d@d#1cky baby#doll
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I'd love to defend Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life for a minute (I don't usually make long posts and may delete this later for that reason) because I feel like writing something inconsequential.
Other people get lots of comfort watching the original show (especially in the fall). I feel cozier watching AYITL. The characters are much older; the dizzy, flighty, still-growing-up feelings for Lorelai and Rory have faded, and it's full of moments that make it clear that certain things in their lives are definitely always going to be there. Constants. Luke, Stars Hollow, family, Kirk, Taylor, the changing of the seasons. Now - for my defense. (I'm rambling.)
Okay, many, many people don't like the revival. I understand. It's different in a lot of ways from the original show, and lots of expectations were not met. When I first saw it, it threw me too. But I didn't dislike it. In fact, the more I rewatched it, the more I thought it was almost better than the first show. The leading ladies are not flashy young stars anymore - Rory is Lorelai's age when the OG show first began, and Lorelai is gracefully and fabulously careening toward grandma times with all her wit and charm, all her most comfy habits, and it makes me want to hang out with her more than Season 1 of the show ever did. And I think the fact that ASP came back to write for these characters again and end it on her terms, at last, was an absolute win, and I love how she did it because it fixed so many things I thought were wrong in the show.
Lorelai is self-centered, terrified of commitment, and has no idea how to put others before herself and not run away during the hard times - unless something involves Rory.
Rory is self-centered, thinks she is special, and has no idea how to deal with not getting what she wants. The consequences of her actions almost never directly affect her, and when they do, said consequences are quickly stamped on and snuffed out by her mother/friends/family.
Emily is self-centered, desperate to be in control, and finds her worth in what other people think, in how things look, and that includes what Richard thinks.
In the show, Lorelai has moments where she learns to stay and learns to put other people who are not Rory before herself. Those moments don't last. She definitely has good intentions, but they're all conditional. She only has good intentions up to a point - and that point is usually when someone or something threatens her happiness and feeling of safety, or Rory's happiness and feelings of safety (understandable; that's her child).
In the show, Rory is told she is the sweetest kid in the whole world. Rory is told she'd never do anything to hurt anybody. Rory is told she's special, she's smarter than her peers, she's not like other girls. Rory 100% believes that. She also probably has a bit of a problem with living up to that image - she wants to be all of those things, and thinks she is, and can't handle it when it seems like people think she's not. (That may or may not have something to do with Christopher, who always had somewhere more important to be, or with Lorelai, who was so cool and strong and sure of Rory.)
And the show has moments, too, where Lorelai has to face the music and see that she's screwed up or is hurting someone with her behavior (Max, Chris, Luke, Jason, Emily, Richard, Sookie), but very very often, Lorelai breezes her way through that music and keeps moving, and flits to the next thing or person that will make her happy, because she does not know how to stay and stand and fix what she's broken. Because it only matters if she is happy and if Rory is happy. (The same thing goes for Rory in the show - consequences come, but Rory rarely has to properly deal with them herself. She is coddled and propped up the whole way.)
Now, to my point!
I watched AYITL and noticed something was different right away. Lorelai is with Luke (she should be), who is the opposite of her - constant, loyal, selfless, determined to stay no matter how hard things get. But they're not married. Lorelai is scared to really commit, and marriage is one of the hardest things you can commit to - ever. And Lorelai is not happy. Rory, for her part, is not perfectly settled as a reporter or a journalist or any of the things she was always told she could be. And she's not happy. And Emily, bless her, has lost her husband and her false sense of control is spinning away, and of course, she is not happy.
And A Year In The Life takes the show's clumsy half-arc of these three Gilmore women and perfectly completes it.
Lorelai's fear of commitment and habit of bolting when things get hard drives her to push every new chef out of the Dragonfly, refuse to expand the inn to better accommodate Michel's needs, shun Rory's tell-all of her past mistakes, shame Richard at his funeral and break Emily's heart, and worst of all, nearly wreck the closest thing to a proper relationship she's ever had: the one she has with Luke. She can't face that she misses her father, loved her father, and that maybe her mother is right about her relationship status. She can't face that people might read Rory's writing and see all her flaws and all her mistakes growing up in printed ink, and she can't run from that. And when Rory insists, Lorelai cuts ties. Lorelai has spent years avoiding marriage with Luke. She has spent years hurting her mother in an effort to defend herself at all costs. And she has spent years ensuring the Dragonfly Inn is exactly what she wants it to be; because changing it would be uncomfortable, and as a result, she won't commit to a new chef, she won't expand, and she's about to lose Michel the way she lost Sookie.
Rory's bubble of self-centeredness and assurance that she's special is popped with the needle of reality at last: she is not special. She's a young woman who has to actually work hard to find a job and make some money, like everyone her age. She is talented and she is smart, but she's not God's gift to journalism, and people keep saying no, and people keep asking her to prove her skills and her merit, and she doesn't know how to deal with that because everyone has always told her she can do anything she wants and she's the best. She wants a distinguished career and can't find anyone who will take her on; she tries to write for a raging batty feminist (hello Alex Kingston I love your work) and that goes sideways; she wants Logan Huntzberger but she turned down his proposal and now he's engaged and it has to be a secret; she wants somewhere to live - just not Stars Hollow because she's better than the thirty-somethings stuck back home. She wants Lorelai to approve of her book and insists her mother give her this, as if Lorelai hasn't always given her whatever she could. And when Lorelai says no, Rory does what she wants anyway and almost fractures their relationship over it.
Emily's control is completely gone - she can't control her emotions, she can't control her tongue, she can't control her maid or her maid's handy family, she can't even control a stupid painting of her late husband. She's on a downward spiral and her anchor is dead. She tries to regain a sense of worth, because surely that will bring happiness back. She tries to gain it from how many possessions she has, that doesn't work. She tries to gain it from Jack, who is not well-suited to her but he makes a matching accessory to the life other people will see. That doesn’t work. She tries to gain it from therapy with Lorelai, control her daughter at last, that doesn't work. She tries to control Richard's headstone, that doesn't work. She even tries to find solace with her beloved D.A.R, and she finds that emptiest of all.
A Year In The Life has these women finally face their flaws head-on and grow. The way characters should.
Rory: Rory is confronted with the fact that she is not special and has to move home like everyone else her age and get a job she does not want, because that's life, and that's what everyone else has to do in the real world. And when she's at her lowest, pouting, she gets advice from someone who has faced his own flaws long ago and has grown and who knows her at her best, and encourages her to get up and work hard (Jess Mariano, ladies and gentlemen). And she does. Rory hits bottom and takes Jess's advice and works at understanding her mother, who is not perfect, and even goes to interview her father, who is also not perfect. She fights with Lorelai over the book and insists on her own way, and when Lorelai refuses, Rory can only blame herself. She has a rabble-rousing night with her LaDB boys and winds up sleeping with Logan in one more bubble of fantasy, one more umbrella-jump of escapism, like the old days, because Logan is her weakness. And when she wakes up the next morning, Rory turns and walks away from Logan and the affair and her insistence on having what she wants regardless of who she hurts (hello, Dean Forrester and her affinity for taking spoken-for men) for the final time. And the consequences of her desires? She’s pregnant. (Come on, we all know the baby is Logan’s; Rory’s life rhymes with Lorelai’s.) She goes to Christopher to interview him for the book and is subtly asking her father why he wasn’t in her life, because she needs to know what to do with her baby and her lover. She didn’t go to Lorelai to figure that out. She went to her dad, because the truth is, Rory didn’t have her father, and part of dealing with the consequences of her actions is to work out how to take care of this baby and whether or not that means involving the father. She’s owning up. She goes to Lorelai and offers to give up this book; she doesn’t make excuses or whine, she wrote the book anyway because she believes in it, but when she’s gotten three chapters in, she respectfully goes to her mother and asks her to read it and then, for the sake of Lorelai, not herself, Rory promises to quit and throw the book out if Lorelai does not approve. Because Lorelai is more important to her than herself. Rory has worked hard and made mistakes and gotten pregnant and she has stared the world in the eyes and seen she’s not special. And she has to deal with that. And she does, finally, deal with it. And she’s happy.
Emily: Emily is confronted with the fact that nothing is inside her control—except what she does. Worth does not come from what she owns or who she’s with or what she’s wearing, and it didn’t come from her marriage, either. That wasn’t why she married Richard anyway. She is miserable and alone, and part of that is her fault. She married Richard because she loved him, and she keeps coming back to Lorelai because she loves her, and she opens up her house to Rory when Rory needs a place to write because she loves her. Emily looks around at what she has and recognizes what has worth and what doesn’t, maybe for the first time, with clear vision. She recognizes that she can’t control everything. At first, that fact keeps her down. She forgets what day it is, the curtains are closed, and she doesn’t get up in the morning. No Richard, no Lorelai, no reason to move. And then Lorelai calls her, and tells her about who Richard was and what Richard did and how it mattered, and that inspires Emily. She can get up. She buys a place on Cape Cod, totally opposite of the sort of life everyone admires and expects to have worth, and she does what she’s really always been best at—she loves. She takes care. She took care of Richard, she took care of Lorelai and Rory when they needed it, and she takes care of Berta and her wonderful family, instead of having a maid take care of her needs. She packs up and moves out, she sends Jack away, she reveals the D.A.R. for what it is and quits them forever, and she takes a job at a whaling museum because she just likes it. It’s nothing fancy, and neither is her oceanic house or the music she plays in it or the clothing she wears, because none of that is worth anything anyway. Her family is. Her friends are. She gets the painting of Richard done right and brings it with her, and she gives up attempting control of everything and only takes control of how she behaves. She gives Lorelai what Lorelai needs for the Dragonfly, and her only stipulation is that she gets to spend more time with her daughter and Luke. She loves, she takes care of others, she helps. And she’s happy. And now, the best for last. The star.
Lorelai: Lorelai sits in that stupid Stars Hollow Musical and hears a song that perfectly describes her problem—it’s never or now. Make a commitment. Do something hard. Make your life about something other than your momentary present happiness and comfort, the way you do with just Rory, sometimes, but make it a permanent change. Make change permanent! Don’t run away! …And then she runs away. She’s been miserable, she’s hit bottom, like her mother before her and her daughter after her. She’s losing friends, she’s losing Luke, she’s losing Emily, she’s losing Rory over the manuscript, and it’s all her fault. Lorelai tries to breeze past it. She does Wild. She does what she’s never done before, she does something hard and uncomfortable, but she does it for herself, and therefore it doesn’t quite work. She tries to hike, Dipper Pines won’t let her hike, she meets other women her age who think this hike is gonna fix things, it doesn’t, and she gives up and goes to get coffee because that’s her go-to. (Coffee is speedy, bad for you, and only a temporary rush—kind of everything Lorelai clings to, actually.) But the coffee shop is closed, and when Lorelai is denied that allegorical Band Aid, she goes around back and sees a great view and finally finds clarity. She didn’t need the hike—she needed to think. She needed a moment of silence and introspection to gain the insane courage to finally stop moving, stick around, and face her fears. To put her eyes on herself and then take her eyes off herself and onto other people—namely the people she loves. Lorelai calls Emily and cries, because it’s hard to do this, it hurts, but with one story, she proves she loved her father, and she knows her father loved her, and the fact that she’s calling shows that she knows Emily loves her too, and she loves Emily, and has loved them both all along. It gives Emily the strength she needs to get out of bed. That was hard, but Lorelai did it. And now she’s going to do more hard things—she’s going to commit. It’s never or now, and Lorelai chooses now. She goes home and the first thing she does is propose to Luke and become Lorelai Danes overnight. Hard. Scary. Just right. She patches things up with her daughter, and chooses Rory over herself—for the hundredth time, yes, but when it’s at its hardest for her to do. “I’ll read it when it’s done.” Lorelai expands the Dragonfly using one of the biggest monuments to her fear of commitment – the Twickham House. She goes to Emily for help, which is also super hard, but this time it’s not for Rory – it’s for her, and it’s for Michel, and it’s for the Dragonfly. And she accepts Emily’s affectionate terms. Lorelai chooses Rory, Luke, Emily, and Michel over herself, and commits, and she doesn’t run away. And she’s happy.
And all of it is earned. Finally earned.
I could talk more about the incredible writing, about ASP at her best, about the perfect themes and scenery and the very intentional end to Paris, Lane, Kirk, Taylor, Dean, Jess, Logan, Chris, and the general cast’s stories, but I’ve already rambled for too long.
Suffice it to say: A Year in the Life is my Gilmore Girls. It’s best version of the story. I think it was expertly done. Not perfect, but an ending that was earned.
#gilmore girls#ayitl#a year in the life#gilmore girls ayitl#gilmore girls a year in the life#writing#asp#amy sherman palladino#jess mariano#literati#logan#doverstar's thoughts#text post#long#long post#review#netflix#lorelai gilmore#rory gilmore#rory#lorelai#luke#luke danes#luke x lorelai#emily#emily gilmore
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I will continue with the ramblings now I will talk about this pair and what I have advanced on them. Alhena and Altair, the identical twin brothers
Alhena and Altair are a special case (for the universe in which they exist) of twin siblings. Especially because they are identical twin siblings, usually, this does not happen.
Both are actually or were born as a single skykid, their star did not break, it did not suffer any damage, they were not two stars falling at the same time, simply their star fell and when the skykid's body was taking shape the light was divided into two, giving birth to two skykids that feel like a single entity.
The truth is that their faces are identical and the only difference is the marks on their cheeks, everything else is something that both chose by will and their sense of identity. (I mean, the fact that the hair is combed in the opposite direction to the other's, the similarity in clothes, etc etc)
Regarding personality, both have many things in common, especially the sense of humor, but over time as they grew and matured, their personality and way of seeing the world was what changed the most.
Alhena became someone inclined to be someone who loves being the center of attention, in a good and bad way. She is flirtatious exactly for that reason, she knows that she is attractive and she likes the reaction of others towards that fact.
While Altair is slightly more self-absorbed than Alhena, which does not make him less chaotic than her, he is only slightly calmer and more focused than her. Even without her, he still retains the same sense of humor.
They both have a lot of funny interactions in my mind, related to Alhena's partners and the fact that if you don't know Alhena very well, you can 100% mistake Altair for her and since Alhena has no sense of Loyalty, Altair had her partners yelling at him "YOU CHEATED ON ME" every now and then
Outside of their love life, they both worked with dark creatures, I'm still figuring out what position they're in, as I have my doubts. I don't have a name for the group yet either for the simple fact that I need a proper English name.
Currently Alhena is declared dead, the entire group firmly believes that she is dead, there is proof that she is dead, but Altair still thinks that she is missing because.. he still faintly feels her vitality… but simply no matter how much he searches for her, there is no way to feel her closer or find her, so most of the group tells him that maybe he is just in denial or they are just specks of her light that are still present in the air, that the faster he accepts it the easier it will be for him to overcome it.
Currently Altair is covering for his sister's absence while his group is looking for a replacement, so he does twice the work, he is quite tired although it does not seem so, especially in the presence of Eko.
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*BAM*
THAT WAS THE SOUND OF ME BUSTING THE DOOR DOWN. HI. Okay so first thing's first, I recently saw an animatic (??) by @/armintist on Instagram about N's perception of Tessa as of ep. 6 and it has broken the dam. Your honor I think about what must have been going through his head at that given moment So Often; some may say too often (I know my roommate definitely would, sorry Anna-). Y'all, he literally just remembered her existence and because we have no canon timeline as to how long was between eps. 5&6, I'm going to assume it was no LESS than two hours, IF EVEN. Doll could have gone straight to "Tessa" from Uzi's house, we'll never know. But like... what in the fuck was going on in his brain? This person, who he KNOWS that he knows, that he has vague, barely comprehensible memories of from a time far back into his past that he only just got back, is suddenly standing right in front of him again. And he hesitates, because OF COURSE HE DID. It looks like her (or does it? He doesn't remember his face, he never even truly saw it), it sounds like her, it feels like her... but how long has it been? And why here, why now?
Honestly, "Cyn's" pretty smart. She knew he would be willing to go along with what he told her because he's never really pressed into his memories before. He's relieved the tidbits of them, sure, but he tends to acknowledge them and move on. She knew all she had to do was act right and he would probably trust her. But what she didn't account for was him finding a love worth fighting for, and that's where her ultimate fucky-wucky was. But I'm not here to talk about "Cyn's" strategy, I'm here to talk about our beloved traumatized murder robot puppy.
What do you think happened when it hit him that that skin over Cyn's body wasn't of it's own creation? That his friend was technically still alive, if you count her preserved remains being thrown over a robot body like some sick and twisted reverse fursuit. And it can't be said that that didn't happen, because it definitely did. N's little episode in the hallway while "Cyn" hunted them down showed us that he is in fact recovering his memories. Slowly, and at very unfortunate times, but he is. And I can almost guarantee you that at some point, in some way, he must have recovered the full memory of the gala massacre. And oh me oh my, that must have been a long, hard day for him. Thank God he has Uzi now-
That aside, he must eventually realize what happened. And as he remembers more and more good times with her, his little heart probably just shattered more and more. Along with all of the other BULLSHIT he must be remembering following ep. 8.
AND ANOTHER THING ON THAT NOTE. I have so so so many emotions about N and how good he is and how,,,, Genuinely Good his heart is. Like actually. Y'all, need I remind the court that he was supposed to KILL Uzi. He had her PINNED TO THE WALL with a wing, but after watching her father turn around and ABANDON HER, he stopped. And sure, it can be reasonably said that this is because he spent some time with Uzi beforehand, but how long would they have had together, logistically? Ten minutes, maybe twenty, tops?? The fact that that was enough for him to COMPLETELY CHANGE SIDES and want to help her instead (which is also attributed to the conversation they had in the cockpit but again, TEN MINUTES)... listen, Uzi had no one before she found N, but N had no one either. J openly abused him, and V had to act like she hated him to protect him. N was lonely, just like Uzi. Somehow, someone found him who was kind to him and seemed to actually care. She was a little edgy, but she talked to him and she listened. It was more than he had at the base - and the same was true for Uzi. But again, I could talk about how much I love NUZI for hours, right now I want to talk about how good N's heart is. He was a worker, once. A worker who did everything he could to be... useful, to Tessa's parents, but a good friend to Tessa. And he loved his friends. He has,,, so much love in his heart. He always has. And he gives it so readily, and it can hurt him, but he like - he gets better about it, I believe. He can guard himself better these days, but he just. He still cares. And he cares so much and he just. GOD. GOD I LOVE HIM AND I FEEL SO TERRIBLE FOR WHAT HE'S BEEN THROUGH. FUCKING HELL-
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with this day being so stressful with the elections, i wanted to say a few things. my mental health has been shit this entire year, especially this october. but with my birthday coming up on the 12th, i wanted to give some shoutouts if that's alright. <3
my meg bun out there somewhere - idk where you are bitch, but you know you're getting this shoutout one way or another. first of all… we've known each other for like…. four years????? WILD AF. we've been through a hella lot together. ESPECIALLY this year. but you know what? we came back stronger than ever and i am so fucking proud of us. now this has been the roughest year for me. especially october, but you've been there while i cried typing to you. not to mention, you have your own shit as well. we're going through it bestie, but we are going through it together. honestly, i feel like we are closer than before and i just fucking love you so much. i adore you. i smooch your forehead. i cradle you in my arms. you're so incredibly important to me and that's not changing bitch. deleted or not, YOU IS HERE IN MY HEART <3
@gccdgraces - MY RIDE OR FUCKING DIE!! my day one baby guurrll!! the way you have been there for me through so much bullshit, i can't thank you enough. i don't fucking deserve you. you have seen me at my worst and never left my side. i admire you so fucking much. your brain is so fucking creative, i don't know how you fucking do it. but i continue to watch in awe. you are truly one of my best friends. one day, i will see your face in person and i will tackle the shit out of you alright???? my fucking best friend. my fucking angel. my platonic soulmate. i don't know how i can survive this hellsite without you. not talking to you for a month was TORTURE BESTIE!!! let's never do it again, alright??? NEVER AGAIN! there is a lot more that i can say about you, but we will keep it short. i love you. you are my ride or die. and we will continue together on this crazy thing called life.
@offorester / @stanfordprepped / @he11fireclubtm / @vamp1r3barb13 - SAMANTHA!! SAMMY!!! SAMMIKINS!!! SAMMYOOOOO!!! bitch wtf, we've known each other for two years now?? i could be wrong. i'm not good at math. either way, i fucking love you to death. we both are always in a bad mental head space at the same time, but at least we go through it together kJBRESGB you are too fucking precious for this world. you care so much about everyone and give your all constantly. i don't know if i have ever met someone so fucking kind until i met you. you remain one of my besties and i promise to never leave your side <3
@wavrlynatural / @safestkittykatintown - my little bumbling bee!!! i had no idea how close we would get, but i am so glad that we did!!! i can't even imagine life without you now! you are one of the kindest and sweetest souls. heart of fucking gold honestly. throughout this hiatus, you have sent so many check ins even when i didn't have the energy to respond, just know it meant the fucking world to me. it still does. know that i ain't going anywhere bb <3 you stuck with me for LIFE. literally the alex to my sonny. i hope you know just how much i am obsessed with the little world we created together and our friendship. like dude…….you are so important to me now. that's not changing ever.
@broknfeed - i know you are on a hiatus bitch BUT HOLY FUCK!!! the fact you were there when i first joined indie and you were preggers??? and then you disappeared because parental duties, but then came back after idk how many years and looked for me??? DUDE!!! THAT IS SOME WILD SOULMATE SHIT RIGHT THERE!!! the fact you're one of my day ones is wild af to me! but i am so fucking grateful! also how you've always checked up on me during my hiatus?? i have so much love for you that i could just absolutely BURST! i am genuinely so glad we are back in touch and just continuing to grow in our friendship. if only we weren't hours away from each other, i'd tackle you kjrebsgjkbekrg i love you so fucking much my bean!
@bloodsalted / @safetypinned - dixon my lil spicy vanilla gjresbgkrejg can i just scream about how much i love you?? cause i will! i was so nervous when we first started talking, but now??? i still get anxious kBRKSEJGEJ why?? cause you are so fucking talented and i just?? like bitch?? how tf do you do it?? outside of your talents, you have done nothing but welcome me with open arms into your life and we have learned so much about each other. not only that, but you've been there for me when i have been feeling shitty and i am so fucking grateful for it. you have no fucking clue. you are a literal gem and i will fight anyone who tries you.
@sacrisaint - ASTRID!!! tbh, i have no idea how we got here. one day you were sending silly comments about sonny and meg, then the next thing i knew, you've been literally going to bat for me even when i tell you not to. from watching that silly tire movie together to now, i hope you know how much i fucking adore you. i do not take this friendship for granted one bit. the shit you have done for me???? like i just?? i love you to bits and pieces!! idk what i did to be blessed with your friendship but i am so grateful.
@qapsiel - sarah sarah sarah……….. the way this last month has made me feel like shit, but the moment i came back??? you were the first to get me cracking up so hard with our blessing womb bullshit. the joke that will never die and is forever ours <3 your writing is phenomenal and you are just out of this world. you getting me to laugh really helped immensely, you have no idea. i love you so very much and i will keep torturing you with tiktoks <3 CAN NEVER GET RID OF ME!
@benbraeden / @hervelle / @gankmonsters / your bajillion blogs - lilly lilly LILLY <3 HOLY FUCK. i remember meeting you when i first wrote minah when i first joined the spn community. you were always so kind to me, but now??? i feel like we've continue to grow closer and i can never be any more grateful! no matter if we talk a lot or not at all, you've always been there when i've been feeling like shit and you know i am always there willing to fight bitches who try you. i adore you and your pure heart. you have nothing but love for people and it is so fucking admirable. and i am so grateful that you would take time out of your way to check up on me. i don't deserve your love yet here we are. i adore you immensely and that's not going to change.
@murderdeals - my lovely little ava! i feel like we have gotten closer the more we've been writing together and i can say i am loving every minute of it <3 i also appreciate you reaching out when i was feeling my lowest. you have been nothing but sweet to me and all i want is to smoosh your face and give you forehead kisses cause i just fucking love you mkay?? you deserve the world and i can't wait for everything we create together. gonna soar from here bitch.
@salvatoraes - RISSA <3 THE OWNER OF MY FUCKING KIDNEY!!!!!!!!!! i don't think my love for you will ever stop, bitch. we are going through some tough shit irl, but at least we are going through it together rebgskebg i can't even keep count on how long i've known you, but i know that i am so fucking grateful for you every single day. i love everything we have created together and i love the chaos that we bring amongst each other. and i'm sure you will be owning another part of my body because i will give you everything tbh. you are THAT important to me okay? one of the best people in the entire fucking world and that's not going to change ever <3
@westwingsolo - a my love <3 forever grateful that i have met you. your words always have me crying and always bring some lightness to my soul. idk how, but when i tend to feel down, you tend to pop out of nowhere and just know what to fucking say. i love you to the moon and back and i will always be rooting for you because you are just that fucking amazing. constantly giving you the biggest hug ever!!
#𝙸𝙼𝙿𝙾𝚁𝚃𝙰𝙽𝚃 . . . positivity#just a few words to people who have recently seen me at my worst and i am so sorry for that rkjbgsejkrb#i hope this shows how grateful i am
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Ohh yeah, he doesn't escape my trauma beam :]
I'm editing this, to here's the full version! (Adding on to the end)
Yes to the thing about Killer having seem a running pattern of near-abandonment with Chara! He's smart, just very very sheltered + brainwashed. So when he finally has the guts to test it? He's heartbroken <3
And. And. Omg. The. The- THE- Okay sorry. Killer having fantasies in the beginning of convincing Ccino to run away? To escape with him? And have the perfect do-over with someone who he can actually be close with and not have a weird power disbalance?? Holy shit... that's insane and I love it dearly. And it makes him choosing to stay ultimately that much heavier- waughhhhh.
(I think I'm on a kick, but I feel like this is one of those things Killer would bring up way later. Like joking after a busy mission, coming in and collapsing on a couch in Ccino's spot. Just being like, 'Man, I can't believe I ever thought of running away with you,' or smth. And Ccino's like, 'Huh?' And Killer laughs it off because it was an old childish dream of his when he first arrived-)
Okay this is underwhelming short rn but I'll be back, haha! (I need to work out Killer's stakes in staying with Nightmare. It could be as simple as his curiosity, a driving force in continuously leaving behind everything he's known, or maybe smth else lol-)
Additions:
Yes! Killer was very very used to being used as a means to an end, and so as he got to know Chara ad they kept taking the time to talk to him, he saw so much more, so many more chances. And Chara saw a friend (VERY loosely, because they, as a fellow neglected kid, also didn't have a good grasp on how friends work) but also someone who would be able to get them out. Strong enough, and with enough detatchment to people as a whole to trust them on their word. not worry about standards that (they assumed) kept their parents at arm's length from them. Killer wouldn't worry about what others thought or who was good or bad, because he'd just follow Chara's every word. So Chara, who didn't have the guts to act out, used Killer instead :)
And, the thing about the things that tipped Killer off to Chara's behavior? It was a lot, but largely it was just that Killer was always behind Chara, watching their back, pulling them out of harm's way and trying to make sure that if anyone got caught, it'd be him. He could escape, he could be crafty and sneaky, that was why Chara liked him. When he got caught by any given royal guard or authority figure, he'd just weasel away and meet up with Chara at the edge of town, he always managed to find them. Hunt them down. And they always stuck around, but they were hidden away. Not preparing to come find him, not doing anything of the sort, just... waiting. It was only when he was on his own later that someone teased him, 'Is your little human friend coming to save you?' and Killer realized that. Maybe that was something people did? He did it for Chara all the time, so often that they were hardly caught at all. In those moments, he's broken them out. Would they do the same? And he didn't act on it until it ate him up and he realized the resounding answer was: No. No, they wouldn't.
And to expand on the Night and Killer thing? I think Killer is still trying to shake off his old habits. He doesn't want to be someone's dog anymore, but he doesn't even realize he's doing it a lot of the time. Y'know that test of trust where Nightmare sends Killer on that solo mission with the chance to run away and never come back? To go on the run again? But Killer comes back and is proud of himself? Yeah, the context there is a really muddy mix for Killer of the loyalty and subservience beaten into him, and the genuine respect he has for Nightmare, and a lot of the time he can't distinguish them in the beginning. He can't tell what is him doing these things out of habit, and what is intentional and willing and important to him. And Nightmare thinks nothing of it (<- Still was a spoiled royal kid, so Killer being so... obedient? It's just an added bonus that his criminal turned out to be such a loyal and trustworthy knight! Surely there's no hidden trauma behind this :]) and... doesn't exhasterbate it, but there are definitely moments where Night and Chara are foils. Someone pulling Killer out of a bad situation, to use him for his few skills which aren't even really part of him but how he survived in his last situation, only to praise him for acting in a way that's basically been him in survival mode for all his life? Even the affections, the care. Chara cared. Just not as much as Killer did. Meanwhile Nightmare at the start was just the same, he cared, but not as deeply, unwilling to be so vulnerable yet. Only, Night overcame that distance and worked on his end too, to give Killer that real freedom as much as he physically could.
I think that the cats (which, yeah, definitely had a Moment with a cat. Whether out on the streets with Chara or in the castle once he finally had a second to snap out of his constant high-stress state) and the time he spends goofing off in the castle (like, the silly games? Chara never wanted to play his games) helps him solidify a lot that this is where he is meant to be. At least for now. The more he gets to be a normal person, have time where he's off the clock, when he can eat and sleep and talk and joke how he likes? When he can drink with the other Knights when they arrive, or play pranks around the castle, or let the cats smother him? That's Killer's favorite time. And, of course, wayyyy later when Killer gets to pick Night up under his arm and carry him around, and joke with him, and be his big brother, because he never had a proper family.
Okay I think that's all of it? woooooooo
Okay. So Killer (New Age) lore post! Putting it immediately under the cut, because I get the feeling this will be longer-
Killer! He's the first one Nightmare takes in! He's the 'Average' one. The silver-tongued common street rat, literally snatched away from the gallows. He's obnoxiously loyal.
His story is going to be (hopefully) loosely based on his canon, but still follow a lot of the New Age conventions.
So, Killer was a straight up orphan. Like, abandoned as a babybones on the steps of a temple. Temples would often double as orphanages, if you dropped a kid at the right one. (Killer had a malformed soul from birth. Didn't affect him at all, just looked weird.) So Killer? He was raised religious, basically. Worshipping the deity which was most prominent at the time (which for this era, Nim was largely the one being worshipped as though a god. Like Rome worshipping the Emperor), a very strict environment, a very lonely one as there weren't many other kids, and a fairly violent upbringing. The people there were Not proper caretakers. But it was all Killer had, and running away never crossed his mind, because beyond the market, there was nothing for him that the temple couldn't give. At least, that's what he was taught. Until, of course, he met Chara (just going by the normal ut name tho I do think they're called the Player in Something New?). (Note: Killer had a different name before he left the temple.)
Killer was only 11 or 12 (he didn't really keep track) when Chara started coming with their parents to the Temple. Their parents would ditch them to talk to the adults, and Chara would try to find other things to do, to get out of their parents sight, and one day they spotted the Orphans. Killer in particular (the oldest) was their target, about their same age. And they would talk to him. At first he was hesitant, but, you know how it goes, kids are kids and they'll talk.
And over the course of several visits, Chara told Killer about the outside world. All the places and the animals (Killer told Chara that the sacrafices were all animals, very unique) and the ocean, they told him about the mountains and the towns and ships and the guard and all of it. And it got to Killer. He started wanting to go beyond the walls of the temple (he always had, but never had reason to understand that urge).
One night, Chara showed up at the temple grounds after dark, while Killer was doing his final cleaning checks, and they encouraged him to leave. to run away with them. And... well, he did. He stole a cloak from the doorway and ran off with Chara. While they were on the run, Chara from their parents and Killer from his temple, they had to do what all street-rats did. Steal, cheat, and protect themselves. Killer was the first of them to kill. it wasn't much different from sacrificing the animals on the altar, anyhow. It was just another way to get what he wanted, since the god, Nim, never had any answers to his prayers. The person he killed had recognized his name, other sects were after him now that he'd run with Chara (unbeknownst to him, Chara was meant to be a sacrifice once they were old enough). He changed his name to the skill he was good at: Killer.
And they stay like that for a long long time, never settling down, always on the move, never leaving the kingdom because doing so would make it easier to find them, two red marbles in a sea of blue ones. And Chara never got their hands dirty. it was always Killer. it was his duty to back-up Chara. he 'owed' them for getting him out of that Temple. Out of that boring life. Chara, in some way, became the center of his world, something beyond his grasp and beyond poor judgement. Beyond the flaws of any living being. And they were fine. They still did normal teenage things, they laughed, they joked, they played, they lied, they got sweet treats and split big loaves of bread. But it wasn't healthy. A parasitic relationship where Chara took and Killer gave, weighed down by an impossible debt to repay.
Then, years and years later, Killer was finally taken down by the guard. Now wanted for several counts of murder, theft, and other bad things, he was caught. This time, unlike several others, instead of breaking out like he normally did, h decided to wait and see. How long would he have to be gone for Chara to seek him out instead? And Chara left him. And left him. And didn't ever come back for him. Gone, fully, 100%. His faith broke, along with his hope. The one thing that motivated him in life had abandoned him, and he couldn't seem to bring himself to do anything anymore, because he had sacrificed all he was and wasn't enough to keep his only friend around.
In prison he talked with other people. Prisoners aren't all bad, you know, especially when they saw Killer, a young guy, looking so downtrodden. Even though he was an objectively horrible person, hearing others try to cheer him up, expecting nothing in return, was helpful.
And then, ofc, when he met Nightmare he decided he could have a ticket out of here. A weird guy who would give him a place to stay, and pay him, and he could just go and then escape like he always did? Go live his own life for the first time ever? Yeah, sounds banger.
But then, you know, he ended up finding Nightmare's situation much too interesting, and Ccino way too handsome, and his gig just a bit too cushy. But he never had blind faith again. Nightmare is unaware, but that fake faith act Killer started with quickly morphed into a faith earned through action, and care, and kindness. Killer saw and felt that Night would be willing to risk himself just as much as Killer would. (Maybe that's why he became so loyal. maybe that's why it's important that Killer came first and set that expectation for the other Knights. Maybe that's why Killer faced off against Dream and almost died, and why Nightmare ran infront of Killer to spare him that final blow and proved exactly why Killer followed him in the firstplace-)
#new age au#ohohoho#i like the way you think Ancha...#Killer's soul reacting poorly to the killing at an early age (specifically for rituals#as ppl with meat animals don't have that happen to them-) and the dependancy on the place!! and then#eventually sacrificing Chara- oh yeah it'd give him one hell of a god/martyr complex by the time Chara gets him to run away and then when h#meets Night haha!!!#oh and yeah. Nim having places of worship is so wild. and I know for a fact it's come up at least once for Killer that Nim was Night's mom#and that she hurt Ccino so deeply. and he used to *worship* her (<- even though he didn't know any better it makes him feel awful-)#yeag....#wonder how long it takes him to put together the dots of Night's relation to her? (there was a Big chunk of time that Chara was unhealthily#the center of his world so he never bothered w/ the politics or news-)#okay I'll be back... someday lmao-
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It's been rolling around in my brain the last few days for some reason, but I still hate the family backstory reveals for Sophie and Eliot. I've seen some of the meta for it, but quite frankly, it still makes no sense. If it had been something actually thought of and intentional in the original, I think it could have been so fascinating. I mean, Sophie's willing abandonment of Astrid to contrast with Nate's loss of Sam or Eliot's adoption in contrast with Hardison's and Parker's? Could have been excellent! But they came out of nowhere in Redemption and don't work with these characters.
Sophie was still actively using the fucking alias that she met Astrid under! She met with someone from her past on the show! Like. Quite frankly, that one is unequivocally bullshit that they made up and threw in and pretended could fit with the established canon. (And I'm sorry, but the idea of Sophie abandoning Astrid and never telling Nate about her just... So much of Nate's trauma was rooted in the loss of Sam, and I think that introducing this element after he's gone and unable to respond to it taints Sophie and Nate's relationship in a way bc I'm not exactly sure how Nate would've responded to learning about this but I think that it's something he'd have needed to know. I don't know how to fully express my thoughts on that but yeah.)
As for Eliot, I don't like the adoption aspect literally at all. The way that he would interact with his family and the memory of his family would be different, and I think that it's flat out ridiculous to think that he'd have never mentioned it to the team in the original show, especially when dealing with the kid cases. (I also dislike the biracial adoption as its own element because if Eliot was actually raised by Black parents in the... idk what 80s/90s? That just. doesn't feel congruent with how they write Eliot interacting with PoC, not necessarily in a bad way, but babe, he's written like a white southern man raised in a specific kind of culture that does not jell with that. It also makes Eliot look... really bad that he was apparently raised with the knowledge of how fucked up the military was and his parents' history and made the choices that he did.) Like the show may not have explicitly stated it but the implication of that relationship was vastly fucking different throughout the original show.
Just. These were not backstories that were congruent with their depiction and characters in the original show, and they're also just moves that I don't particularly like or find interesting directions for those characters. There's also something to be said about how it was apparently unacceptable for a woman to not have kids or someone not reconciling with their biological family when that was something that the original show handled a lot better. Out of all the directions to take Sophie and Eliot's stories, that's just not really one that I think was a good idea.
#i'm not sure if i worded this v well tbh which concerns me#bc like. like i said i dont like the adoption plot anyways but part of my problem with that storyline IS that billy is black#bc i don't think that the way eliot is written makes sense if he was raised by a black couple during that decade#bc the way that he would have engaged with his family and community and the world around him would've been different#especially bc he was raised in the fucking south in the 80s#bc i dont think eliot was ever racist in the original show but i dont think that he really knew#how it was different for poc in certain ways that dont make sense if he was raised by a black couple#like the previous implications of his childhood and specifically his father were v much in the stereotypical v pro military be a man cultur#that culture is also v rooted in toxic masculinity and whiteness#God i hope that makes sense bc i feel like that sounds v bad#but i'd love more black characters on the show and i think that for pretty much any other mc that'd have been fine#it's specifically eliot with the space that he occupies that i feel like it's a problem with his backstory#which also is why i dont like that he's adopted at all bc that's an influential part in how you first view your place and family and all th#that i dont think makes sense with eliot's character. like literally nothing about that reveal really feels like it makes sense with eliot#and to move over to sophie for a second i feel like bringing up the abandoned stepdaughter would have been pretty damn important#when sophie was struggling with the idea of who she really was beneath the aliases and the grift#and especially when she's in a relationship with nate who WAS a father like#and that she used the charlotte alias to meet with someone from her past but there wasnt anything about the fallout#which still makes no fricking sense either way#also insert something about sophie being an older woman without kids#(i know there's the ot3 but they're not actually in a position as her kids bc theyre still equals in a sense)#and needing to actually go no no she was a mom! and then bailed and did all this and blah blah but she's always been a mom in her heart <3#and adding in this relationship as if an older woman cant be satisfied or complete without kids#and i know that ppl might bring up parker but like lbr parker is positioned in a v different space narratively than sophie#ofc parker doesn't have kids she's positioned in a space as the Odd one the kinda broken one#her defying the expectations narratively doesnt necessarily work the same bc of her place#idk i kinda hope these dont end up in the main tags bc idk how ppl will respond nor how well i actually got across my points#but i do wanna tag them for my blog so#leverage#sophie devereaux
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some of you never grew up in a small conservative town as a (gay) nerd that was bullied, harassed, and excluded for years on end for not fitting in and for visibly and enthusiastically liking geek things—geek things that then branded you a satanist in everyone's eyes and as something Other, Lesser, and Undoubtedly Unworthy of Basic Human Decency even though you were literally just an actual child with harmless interests and not a satanist or an evil disgusting subhuman thing, and it shows.
you cannot apply modern views and beliefs to a show that is set in the eighties, especially not when it's set in conservative midwest eighties which is a whole other beast. being a socially awkward and nonconforming geek is something that people STILL get bullied for if you don't do it in a way that the majority deems "acceptable", especially if you live in a conservative, religious area.
your experiences are not universal and your inability to relate to a certain motif or story does not make it "lesser" or "bad writing."
#stranger things#mike wheeler#<- tagging and then disappearing into the mist again bc i don't like it here lol.#girls when they love stranger things because they finally see characters just like them with the same exact experiences written with such#care and respect for those that have been Deemed Other but people who have not had those experiences refuse to believe that they're#realistic and STILL happen to people bc if they're fortunate to have not gone through that then clearly that means that it doesn't exist#and if it does then it's not Traumatic Enough or a good enough plot to cause such inner turmoil in the characters who experience that#💥🛼#i got bullied for being a nerd in the 2000s and 2010s. you can absolutely get bullied for being a nerd and being a nerd is enough reason#for social exile in some places. when dustin said that no one was nice to him or mike? when lucas said that girls laughed at them? and it's#all because they're deemed freaks and satanists for liking fantasy things? that's Real and it doesn't hurt any less just because you think#it's not a good enough reason to bully someone.#i was called a satanist to my face by adults. people acted like i was some Creature or whatever just because i liked fiction and wasn't#interested in what the majority was interested in and wore dark clothing sometimes. like.. hello. school shooter jokes? the way#that neurodivergent people get treated when they're visibly ''different'' and enjoy things passionately? the way that liking star wars was#a thing to ridicule until it suddenly became Acceptable and Popular to like? i feel like i'm living in a different reality than so many#people here with the way that they talk about certain things in this show. and don't even get me started on the way people approached#the angela and el situation....#maybe just be glad that these things did not happen to you and stop acting like it's lesser or a bad story bc of that? just a thought.
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See you everywhere, now that you’re gone (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#Helix#ZEX#Dexter Favin#Ft. Wally West and Xigbar again - they're good to him <3#Hhhh ;; The sads :'0#ZEX never got to fully show off his uniform ;;#I was so hoping for that! He deserves to show off and feel nice and be praised </3#At least he'd surrounded himself with good people - the dynamics around which are also interesting#Wally lovely <3 He's so sweet honestly just wants to offer a shoulder if he's able any small bit of comfort#He's injured and he's still trying to hug ZEX weh ;; Any bit of solace ♥#Xigbar's way of cheering him up is his own kind of misplaced sweetness haha I love the care put into everyone's quirks <3#Ugh the whole thing of Nobodies trying to (and failing to! To varying degrees) convince themselves that they don't have emotions#Clearly Xig is unbothered by this so it's better to just flirt and not worry about it! It's a shame but it happens to everyone#I see you Xigbar ♥ Really tho him being a bit flippant and silly and tactile with ZEX did seem to help haha#''Let me comfort you'' pfft - sad silliness hehe#And then Dexter showed up!! I was so unprepared for that!!#Honestly I only expected him to come visit The One Time so I was so not ready for him to be here after All This#He made ZEX cry last time and this time he came to it already crying ;;#Ughhughgh ZEX's unshakable trust for DAX - even just his voice - being the breaking point of his self control I jfdlksahfds#Someone he can be weak in front of since he doesn't want to be seen by anyone that way - only to DAX ;;;;#Offering any bit of familiarity as comfort weh I'm fine this is fine ;;#Poor ZEX :( Being so powerless and helpless in this situation is so sad!! At least when he was in the War he was in control to an extent#He only touched his cheek with his uniform later that night which I do honestly love the imagery of soft and tender <3#I like drawing people holding things fully to their face more than I remembered haha#And then the fact that his roommate changed the same night and it was /Kirk/ of all people fjdslahfdsfd wehhhhh 😭#Kirk is genuinely the sweetest to him he is absolutely best boy but to have a Captain after all that ;;;;#It cuts so deeply ironic oww <3 <3
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