#i started this at 3 am and now its almost 8 am fucking mars in gemini kn the 3rd house

[witchinthewind]

Post 1; the signs as I see them now

I see astrology as a tool to see people in a more inter dimensional way, and the signs are all based on my personal POV on the signs now

Aries; Frustrastion is a key word here, wether it’s at themselves or the world or their own emotions/love life they get mad and stay mad. But thing is it’s not always an external blow up it’s usually internal, now some may be more showy than others, but most will have a charismatic youthful attitude. Always the one cussing up a storm (will probably try and fight you and then pussy out) and most times love showing off how pretty they are. I read somewhere how Aries ruled the Amazonian women, powerful and strong warriors full of wisdom, yet full of youth and beauty, if only they could contain the fires long enough to make them roar. Their emotions heat up and stay on until their gone, they probably need space and time to think it all through. They cry a lot more than people would think they do, they feel very set on fire by emotions and that all the arguments and ordeals are “stupid” in a lot of ways. It’s like they need a moment to scream it out till they reach the epiphany that they know how to deal with it. Always feeling like they need to be strong, or that their feelings are “stupid” or wrong.

Taurus; champagne kisses tbh; being a Taurus stellium myself I try not to over exaggerate the Tauren vibe. We have a sense of pride attached to it all, not wanting to admit fault in order to change. We take pride in what we attain and achieve; most times we haven’t had the chance to obtain for ourselves or don’t normally buy things so when we do we make it worth while and nice. That’s why we savor it all, Love, food and travel for some, nature and spirituality for others. Cause at some point it’s all over and we’re left just feeling empty about it, a moment of bliss is impermanent and that pains us. I can be a total mom friend or drunk friend lost at a party. Some of us business inclined to a fault, always on a call and dealing with something emotional or business. Lots of worry. Becoming comfortable with feminist ideals and feminine aspects of yourself at some point in life maybe even obsessed. Having confronted or trying to confront feeling on love; Always learning in love. The emotional side can feel like we want to keep common sense about feelings but when it’s too much I can’t take it anymore and bellow out in frustration. Trying to be loving, to learn, to be peaceful and sociable can seem daunting at times. Some Taurus are lost in vanity and superficiality, other their mind and thoughts. A Taurus always has deep thoughts and most times loves to write them down or dwell on the past or pains. Probably needs to talk about it but is eitherresisting out of guilt or fear. They don’t wanna speak unless they know for sure. And that leaves them vulnerable to problems with love and lost opportunities, it’s almost like a Scorpio in a sense of endless thoughts that leave you darkened in the soul and restless. It’s a melancholic Lana del Rey/ Adele vibe, a beaten Aphrodite and damsel in distress.

Gemini; most say evil, I say if aspected tbh. Gemini energy I will say is fickle, and can run rampant and fast and if you can’t keep up, out of your reach. Honestly sweet babies tbh always learning something, music, art, litterateur, but could be math and sciences. Really any Gemini can be added to a persuit of knowledge for gained efforts. If they’re docile they’re sad, feeling trapped, unfulfilled. Probably has gifts or trophies of new things or places. inquisitive and most times giggly as hell when they make a pun on accident or run into a funny fact. But at times problematic at the end results they come to, probably got lost and forgot to pay attention to E V E R Y detial and fact. Did I mention they think fast or not at all? it’s like they’re running with all they’re facts reading them out one by one but they dropped a scroll in their mind on the way to tell you. Prone to a brain fart, LOVES to PARTY, can be on different levels but they at least love alcohol. The emotions can be ignored completely at times as they go about life but at some point they realize their actions have consequences, very trial and error approach to life. the emotions well up in an instant as things clicked and all made sense.

Cancer; charts that lack water like mine seek out water energy. It’s like a subconscious counter balance. Don’t eat me alive but i think all water signs are here to kill us 💀(another story). Of the three water signs cancer is like white energy or benevolent magic. They’re loving and sweet. Always remembering the little things. Its inviting like this warm milk bath full of rose water. You feel calmed in its embrace you’re at peace. But then something changed and you don’t know what. You start to pay attention and you notice the bath went cold. Their eyes went from warm and inviting to wide opened and cold. Wether it’s distance, manipulation, or just sadness that flows into everyone. They take you back to the past, remembering every relationship, every word, every moment they held close to heart. Taking you though all that and almost drowning you in words to either hurt you or truly express their hurt, it’s a fine line. They then settle and the energy returns and it’s like it all never happened and you wonder so much “how??” it’s beyond words. Sometimes they’re the most sensitive, other times they’re the coldest people alive until you pry them open. This pure light looked the same even when it felt like nothing was there, no warmth, just chills.

Leo; showmanship is a broad term with them. Wether it’s sun or moon they want to shine somewhere. Sports can be a typical one, they can have serious careers and want to have a known reputation. The recognition of their actions keeps them fueled. In some cases they’re this vain archetype. Plain and negative, they can’t let themselves shine because they feel the need to second guess themselves and blend in or they just put others down for their own self esteem so they look better . In other cases they shine so bright they lead thorough natural ability in whatever they do , they don’t say they’re the leader everyone else does. They invent and create new and inventive ways to do things and most times want to help people and have a kind and enthusiastic sense of being. Most likely found with Aries energy. Things can feel dramatic from their point of view, feelings feel like a Whitney Houston song. A melody of beautiful sadness or a symphony of selected songs plucked on heart strings. They don’t like to heat up when they shine, anger can come out of direct need to express how undone or unjust they feel and can feel limited in expressing it at times. A very inner monologue that sounds like a lifetime movie with a “why me” attitude. It’s like one upsetting thing brings a wave of emotional issues, like cancer they remember all the little things but it’s not consuming like ice cold cancer waters that freeze the heart, it burns them alive in a consuming frenzy of thoughts emotions and half played scenes of melodrama in their head.

Virgo; the one I really can’t say the most about bc I’ve had the adsolute worst experience. But what I can say is that you’re tactful, and like libra about balance at times. Virgin and the vixen is how I like to describe it. Everyone sees this well put together type of person, nice strong, politely nice but nothing too deep unless you’re close. But on the inside of things it’s a lot different most times. Cascading hallways of memories and experiences. Since it’s an earth sign ruled by mercury I see it as like the daughter of Gemini and Taurus, strong mind but deeper thoughts. Propbably stresses patterns and watching others and cares a lot about how people see them (family most important at times) so they limit themselves instead of seeking to change bad habits or express their true personality.

Libra; this is my 7th house and I fucking love Libras. I hate them at times because if aspected (and lord is it usually) they’re self centered and have a tendency to go on and on about themselves. No one can tell me they aren’t ruled by venus. Taurus is the introvert Libra is the extrovert. Libra teaches Taurus how to stunt and become more confident and outgoing and Taurus helps reaffirm a Libras confidence and keeps them grounded and not too far from earth and in the air. Probably loving to debate shit back and forth, “um lemme look that up because I don’t think so”, “oh my god I’m....” “do you think I should...” “help me decide...”; They need affirmation of their talents and sense of outgoingness, sometimes they don’t do it until they’re comfortable but they most times need a little push. And can be a bit eccentric if aspected. They can leave emotions on a shelf somewhere and never attend to them again or be the ones that have emotions like ALL the time but just keep them at bay. All in all they can be extra but they are most definitely worth it. They always feel bubbly like the foam around Aphrodite.

Scorpio; if cancer is benevolent magic Scorpio is maleficia. It’s like the waters went dark, focusing on the bad in others not in themselves. With water energy it’s like in a moment it’s all around you enveloping and then at times it’s consuming. With Scorpio the envelopment is in the darkness of it all. Cynicism and sarcasm from a point of view you would have never guessed. At times a wall flower unknown by most, or a loner with a bad reputation. Being a Taurus sometimes I just see them or they see me. Its either I click with them or I don’t but there’s always this sense of understanding out of respect. When they open their world you’ll see the pain and the sorrows and in between it births light, brilliance and beauty it’s like their addicted to it. They most times are reborn through pain and loss. The personality becomes whole again and striving to stop what they’ve experienced, but they tend to get into old habits very easily. Always accused of the crime when most times theyre the victim. Very “no snitches” or “I’ll use your secrets against you” attitude when mad, coldness and distance is in their nature. This dark water felt calming and soothing, it knew the weight of the world and sought to cool your tensions and let you breathe and escape it all. But the mars water heated up little by little till you boiled alive. The intensity grows with them in whatver they do and that’s the one thing I always feel with them, intense.

Sagittarius; experience is a key word here; lack there of or too much of it. They have this fire too live life to the fullest and want to feel it running through their veins. They hate looking back at the past to feel pain or face themselves, but they at times give the greatest advice based on experiences. Fast fire temper that flickers out quick. They love to see the world from the common perspective but also love to come back with material items and or expensive gifts from travels to rememeber moments in time. Probably messy or hoards things with emotional ties or value. They try and radiate warmth and a giving attitude but most times seem like a solitary traveler with many tales to tell. Very sad in some tales they tend to downplay the emotions they feel until they well up in a frenzy, it’s like their heart is on fire, tears beyond comprehension. You wonder how they ever made it through what they did.

Capricorn; All work and no play makes jack a dull boy. First line of defense is the innocent seemingly unknowing attitude, the next is sarcasm and witty comedy that can always have some undertones of sexual humor. They tend to ignore emotions, letting them go on and on until they can’t contain them anymore. Probably has had restrictions and a rigid sense of structure or harsh discipline put upon them. They have a disdain but respect for it and tend to lash out when no one is looking. Manipulation and a tendency to play dumb and relying on a superiority complex tends to be their downfall. They’re always surprising in the way they are, no one truly “knows” them. They’ll reveal dark parts about their past you never would’ve thought possible like Scorpio. But now it’s even more unbelievable because with this person they put out a sense of authority and darkness but with structure and respect like saturns energy. Neptune in Capricorn in the early 90s made heroin and opioids go up in usage they went away during age of Aquarius and it’s sad to see the rise again in Pisces. Restrictiveness can lead to needing emotional intensity or intense experiences. But since they have had this sense of restriction they rebel in silence most times hurting themselves in the process. Very successful and business mined at times and knows how to help people and probably puts family above a lot else.

Aquarius; either conventional or not at all; it’s like I see the age of Aquarius as the “ideal society” (barf) and that people of Aquarian traits are either the covential ideal of beauty or something that challgenes beyond that standard. Same with the emotional side at times they hit moments of regular teenage dealings but at the same time it’s beyond that, it’s intensity beyond words. Unlike Capricorn they don’t restrict their emotions or they can’t at least; it’s like the air makes them burst. They can usually seem pretty far and distant or cold but that’s kind of the first wall around them, like an air of mystery. But once you get past it you realize they’re not quiet or cold at all! They can’t just let emotion sit or be quiet or it over takes their personality and it becomes quite sour. They rule over rebellion and unlike Capricorn they don’t rebel or get angry silently. Giving and idealistic and pretty charitable. If not well informed very one sided in the mind and won’t change. Loves to protest and show displays of idealistic love and affection. Eccentric if aspected they can feel outcasted or unwanted by people around them for being or showing uniqueness.

Pisces; the waters of light and dark became one and it was all done; like the magic of the world settles and is still. You see the magic stirring underneath you fall into the stars you see and become enveloped by the neptune tide. A Pisces in my opinion can do anything they ecompass all the signs. Their emotions are so broad and long it’s beyond my comprehension, they give love, strength, wisdom, and moments of clarity to themselves or others. They also can give the greatest advice on emotion. Problem is they can be led by emotional sense so much they ignore plain facts in front of them. “I feel this way so it must be right” attitude. They themsves are lost in Neptunes delusion. They have the eternal old hippie soul about them. Wise beyond their years can leave them yearning for shallows and make them superficial as a person. The thing is being in their world is like being underwater, you see all their monsters swimming around and you get out shaken and gasping for air telling them all about it, they don’t know what you mean, you go on and they push you back in. The waters are dark and all consuming, scary, and heart pounding, but in the midst of the minds rampant darkness there’s a sense of clarity. Its up to whomever attempts diving in to find the light in the sea of darkness and smoke.

(I’m bad at typos btw lemme know k bye thanks for reading 💝)

[thatbitchassstay]

Lee Know smut #3

This is so fucking long so yea

If you want the whole story and not just the smut scenes go to my wattpad @thatbitchassstay If its not there than they took down my account lol.

You waited outside your school with 10 other people. Your school had organized an overnight trip to an amusement park as a bonding experience for your grade. There were 5 busses. Each bus held about 20 people (except for one which only held 10), and you happened to be on the last bus, which was the smallest bus, which had no other girls on it.

You look around at the people who will be on your bus ride. You saw 8 of your classmates, Chan, Jisung, Minho, Hyunjin, Jeongin, Seungmin, Felix, and Changbin. There were also two chaperones on your bus Professor Woojin and the bus driver, your principal; Park Jin Young.

Once everyone was ready, you all got on the busses and drove off. The bus ride was going to be 5 hours, so you decided to see who you would be sitting next to. On the bus, You sat next to Minho. He was a strange kid. He only seemed to open up around Jisung, and what he posted on his Instagram was honestly questionable. You two had been lab partners before, so you knew that he was smart and liked to insult other people for fun. You knew everyone else on the bus pretty well.

After around 1 1/2 hours You felt the bus slow down and you saw the busses in front of you pull away. You buss slowly puttered to a stop and everyone took out a headphone to see what was happening. JYP (that is what everyone called your principle) stood up and said "we seem to have run out of gas. I will call a replacement bus to come, but I will expect that it will take up to 3 hours, at least 2." You all groan as he and professor Woojin walk out of the bus.

You are about to put in one earphone when you hear Minho say "Well, it is a good thing I am sitting next to a cutie." You turn really red. "Confident much?" you ask still blushing from his remark. Then professor Woojin gets back on the bus for a second. "We just called a replacement bus, they should be here in 2 1/2 hours. For now, you guys can go to the convenience store just down the road. They have some tables there for you to sit at while you wait."

"Ok, let's go." chan says as everyone stands up and gets some essential things before getting off the bus. You walked for about 2 minutes before getting to the store. You all took turns in the bathroom and bought some food before sitting down at the tables.

After about 10 minutes you heard the cashier call out to the back, "Mark, your shift starts in 5, get changed already!" you then heard a male voice yell out "Fine, give me a second!" The guy had a slight Canadian accent you noticed. You didn't pay too much attention to this though until around 5 minutes later when a guy came up to your table and asked "I am sorry, but how long do you guys plan to stay here?" You looked up and saw his face. You almost said the word handsome out loud! "Sorry, our bus broke down and we are waiting for a replacement. we should be here for another 3 hours at most." He looked satisfied enough with your answer. "ok, my name is Mark Lee, you can just call my name if you need anything!" He then turned around and walked away from you "Mark..." you said "Yes?" he turned around "Nothing, I just really like that name, it suits you!" there was some pinkness on his cheeks when he said "Thank you." and walked away towards the cash register. The only person who didn't seem amused about you flirting with the employee was Minho which you did not realize till later. After another 30 minutes, you got bored of playing games on your phone and decided to go and talk to Mark, who also seemed bored.

You walked up to the cash register "hey mark!" you said. He looked up at you, "Hey, do you need help with anything?" "No, I am just bored." "Honestly same...." You looked at him for a few seconds before realizing that you never told him your name "Oh, my name is Y/N by the way." "Y/N, that's a way better name than Mark!" he joked with you "really, I like Mark better!" You two playfully flirted for 5 minutes before he checked his watch. "I am on break now for 30 minutes, you want to take a walk with me?" "Yea!" you replied enthusiastically. "K, let me change back into my regular clothes, these are really uncomfortable!" "Ok, I will wait outside!" You started to walk out the door when you got stopped by chan "where are you going?" he asked, "I am going on a walk with Mar, don't worry I will be back in max 30 minutes!" "Ok, I will text you if anything goes wrong." He said as he allowed you to go outside and wait for Mark.

He walks out of the building wearing an oversized white shirt and some jeans looking a little bit scared. "Let's go!" he says trying to shake it off. He and you walk for few minutes just talking and laughing when you had to ask "What happened inside that made you so shaken up?" he averted his eyes and said "The guy with the blond hair and Australian accent, the tall one. He scares me..." "What did Chan do?" He laughs and says "He told me that if I was mean to you and didn't shows you a good time that he would break all my bones and tie me in a knot." "yea... he kind of thinks of me like I am his sister, to be honest, all of us are his family so that probably why he was so protective!"

Mark suddenly grabs your hand and leads you underneath some cherry blossom trees. There is a slight breeze and you feel yourself blush as you look at your hand that he has not yet let go of. "Wow!" he remarks "Everything here is so pretty!" "Yea, these are some of my favorite trees!" He then turns to you with a small smile on his face, You could not tell if he was blushing or if it was just the lighting, "I was not just talking about the trees..." He walks a little bit closer to you and you feel you here rate go from 100bpm to around 1000bpm. He then grabs your other hand and leans in. You do the same and as your lips touch, you felt something. like this represented more than just a kiss. Then he pulled away. "Sorry, I just really like you." This time you knew it was a blush "I like you too." You say you find his phone in his back pocket and use the face recognition to open it. You then put in your number in his contacts.

"We should probably start to head back. Chan is expecting us soon." He continues to hold one of your hands as you walk, "yea, let's go."

Minho POV

You watch as he kisses her. At that moment you had never been more mad. Of course she likes mark, she does not like you! you yell at yourself as they walk away hand in hand. Chan had sent you to check on them, now you wish he would have sent anyone but you!

This is why we don't have crushes... you tell yourself as you start to walk back to the convenience store.

Y/N POV

Once you and Mark got back he had to change because his shift was starting soon so you went back to your table. "where is Minho?" you ask Jisung because he is the closest one to him "ah, I don't know. he should be back soon though." A few minutes later you hear the door open, You look over and see Minho walk-in. You see him glance at You before approaching mark in a menacing manner. Your eyes widened as you thought that Minho was going to yell at him. Instead, Minho brought him outside, past where you could see. Everybody looked over at you as you started to panic. 

"Y/N, are you ok?" Hyunjin asked as you realized how terrified you must look. Did he see the kiss? does he like me? Why did he approach Mark? what is happening? what are they doing? all of these thoughts blasted through your head as you found yourself say "No, I am not fine!" You tried to get up from the table but Jeongin put his hand on your shoulder, "What happened?" You almost broke down in tears as you explained everything that happened, From when Minho called you cute, to when you got back to the convenience store. The whole time they looked at you kind of baffled. 

"Y/N, You really are an idiot." You turned around to see that it was Chan who said that. "Excuse me!" "Omg Y/N, They both obviously like you! And from what I understood, Minho was flirting with you, he probably thought that you two were going to go somewhere! If he did see the kiss, imagine how mad you would be!" You started to understand as everything clicked in your head. You put your head in your hands and started crying. "Y/N, what the hell? Why are you crying?" this was from Changbin, "I just feel bad!" you blurt out in a slur of words. You hear someone laughing, and you feel Felix's hand on your shoulder. "S'all right mate, why don't you go get yourself cleaned up in the washroom?" you nodded as you wiped a tear from your cheek. "ok." you stood up to go to the bathroom when Minho walked into the store. 

He spotted you, grabbed your arm, and took you out of the store.You had been walking for around 15 minutes in silence. a few minutes ago he let go of your arm, so that was a small relief. When you were starting to wonder where you were going he stopped and turned around to face you."So, You and Mark huh." He looked at you straight in the eye as he said this and it felt like someone had just stabbed you. His glare went straight through you. "Are you going to respond or are you just going to stand there?" There was also a lot of hostility in his voice this time around. 

"Um, well I am not sure if we are a thing yet..." you respond "ok, I will make sure to tell Mark that." "Wait, don't tell Mark I said that!" "Why, do you like him?" "Well yes..." "Then why are you not being honest with me?" "I am being honest!" "So did the kiss mean anything to you?" "Yes!" "So are you a thing!?" With this last comment, he stared at you kind of hurt. Not knowing what else to say at this point you just blurted out "I guess so, yes! But why would you care anyway, It's not like we are even friends!" He stared at you open-mouthed for a few seconds. Then he shut his mouth and eyes and said "You're right, sorry." and started to walk away. 

"Minho, Wait I didn't mean it like that!" You try to run after him and put your hand on his arm but he pushes you away. "Why are you touching me, it's not like we are even friends right." and he continues to walk away. You stop running after him when he is about 30 feet away from you, he too stops, and for a split second, You thought he was going to say something. But then he just shook his head and kept walking.You got a notification on your phone, It was from Hyunjin.

Hyunjin

Hey, the bus is here, can you and Minho start heading back?

Me

Sure, we are on our way right now.

You started walking back in the direction of the busses. You walked fast, so it cut your walk time down to around 6 minutes. When you got to the bus everyone was already there.

Minho gave you an icy glare before everybody got on the bus. The rest of the bus ride was pretty silent. You sat next to Hyunjin and listened to music the whole time. By the time you got to the hotel, everyone split off to go to their room. You and Minho were the only ones on your bus who were on the top floor. 

After everybody got off, you and Minho stood there in awkward silence as you waited for the elevator to stop. As it slowed to a halt you both got off and started walking to your rooms. At room 37-10 you stopped and pulled out your key to go into your room while Minho kept walking. not being able to handle it anymore, you said: "But why do you care if I am with Mark in the first place."

 Minho stopped dead in the middle of the hallway. You saw him take a shuddering breath as he turned around He looked you in the eye and you could have sworn that you saw a small blush on his face. "Because... Look. I like you." You stood there, frozen not sure what to say. You didn't know what to do! You wanted to reject him, but you felt your heart telling you not to, so you just stood there looking him in the eye. Now you could definitely tell that he was blushing. 

"Yep, that's how I thought you would react. Forget it, Good night." He turned around to start walking again, and before you realized what you were doing, you ran up to him, turned him around, and kissed him.You were scared because for a moment, He didn't kiss back, But then he started kissing back. You two stood there in the hallway, the only time your lips were not touching was when you needed to breathe. You grabbed his hand and lead him into your room while you locked the door. 

You two started kissing again as his hand ran along your back lifting your shirt up. The two of you started to strip until the only clothing that was left on your body was your underwear and bra. you lead him to the bed and he leaned over you. The two of you started making out again as his hands started running the length of your body. He started kissing your neck, leaving a trail of hickeys as you arched your back in pleasure. he then stopped for a moment, "I am sorry, may I?" he gestured to your undergarments. "Only if you take off yours also." He smiled as he first took off your bra and panties, "No, You take mine off for me." You sneered and put your teeth of the elastic band of his underwear as you pulled it down. 

he then pushed you back so that he was lying over you again. He leaned down as his tongue teased your entrance.He started to lick and you felt his wet tongue run through your folds and you moaned with pleasure. He then pulled away and without warning started to finger-fuck you. 

You arched your back and moaned even louder. He pulled his fingers out and spanked you "We are in a hotel princess, don't be too loud..." you nodded aggressively just wanting him to stick himself inside you. He started to finger you again when all of a sudden he thrust in a third finger and hit your g-spot. It was so hard for you to not moan. He then took his fingers out and had you sit up."Suck." He commanded as he put his dick in front of you. You started lightly sucking your tongue rolling all over it. Then you took it out for a second and started stroking it. He then started to moan ever so quietly when you decided to go all in. You stuck it in your mouth and started to deep-throat it. You saw the surprise in his eyes as he obviously suppressed his urges to moan, he grabbed the back of your head and pushed it further into you, you were suppressing your urge to gag. 

"I am going to cum~" he said quietly before you felt the white fluid coat the inside of your throat. You swallowed. "Good girl!" he said as he leaned you down again and positioned his member at your entrance. "Just before I do this, I want to ask you a question. Are you and Mark a thing?" You violently shook your head. "good, either way, I am going to fuck you so hard that you won't be able to walk tomorrow." And just like that, he was inside you. (A/N yes, he has a condom on)At first, it was painful because of his size "Ahh, Y/N! You're so tight!" "Sorry!" you say as he starts to thrust in and out of you and you get more accustomed to him. After a few thrusts, he starts hitting your g-spot harder and after. "ah!" you moan and this time he does not even care. You feel the pleasure rip through you as you feel him thrusting in and out of you. "I told you you would not be able to walk in the morning!" he says slyly as he keeps thrusting in and out of you. When he pulls out, You cuddle right next to him, exhausted. And just like that, You fall asleep on top of him. "Haha, good night princess~" he says finally before sinking into your bed and falling asleep.

[gabeswritingthingy]

A Slice of Life in Space (Sample Work, Short Story)

Log Entry – 07.05.2050

Everyone on Earth saw it with their own eyes. Yesterday’s events will not be forgotten for a long time. For my part, I saw it while I was preparing pasta for my dinner. At 8:00 pm last night, the moon exploded. The blast was so strong the shockwaves could be felt here on the planet, which resulted in a short 2.5 magnitude earthquake. Thankfully, little to no damage was caused. It also didn’t produce any casualties, either - at least if you don’t consider my carbonara a casualty, because one of the moon chunks fell on the damned thing just as I was about to eat it. Instead, I carefully put on my gloves and placed it in an airtight container immediately. I called my boss and told him about the incident, all worried. She assured me that they have prepared for such an eventuality and have begun The Lunar Restoration Program as we spoke. Since the advancement of technology has come so far, the astronauts at the United Global Space Station had no trouble replacing the damaged 75% of the moon almost instantaneously by getting a clean sample of a moon rock, cloning it, then reattaching it to the rest of the moon on a molecular level. The actual problem, my boss said, is figuring out what caused the moon to explode in the first place.

I also asked her if moon dust is safe for the human body to consume in the hopes that I can still eat my pasta, and she threatened me with bodily harm if I even thought of attempting to do what I wanted to do. I just hung up and went to bed, knowing the next day is gonna be busy.

As part of The Lunar Restoration Program, Stargazer Laboratories has now been tasked by the Global Alliance to find out the cause of the moon’s destruction. My boss, Dr. Valentina Petrova, will be the one leading this operation. I am quite excited to put my efforts toward solving this mystery because we may finally find evidence of intelligent life outside the universe; or maybe this is all a big conspiracy and an UGSS astronaut blew up the moon for their own self-interest. Whatever it is, it’s very exciting stuff.

My name is Dr. Leonard Anderson, and these personal log entries aim to narrate and catalogue what will happen as this operation is going on. Although I do want to emphasize that this is still kinda like my own personal journal, in case this mission blows up in our faces – figuratively or otherwise – and the journalist, historian, or whoever finds this is baffled by the loose language and unnecessary details that will be seen here. So yeah, that’s it. Can’t wait for tomorrow.

[end of audio log]

Log Entry – 07.06.2050

Crazy stuff, you guys. The astronauts finally flew in all the chunks that came off the moon for analysis. I also gave them my pasta-stained space rock, as it is still apparently valuable. We also interviewed the astronauts working on the space station that day. They told us that they found no traces of radiation after the explosion, so the use of nuclear weapons is out of the picture. They also found no radio signals or transmissions presenting threatening messages coming from outer space or planet Earth minutes before the event, so there is no evidence of human or alien intervention. Not yet, anyway.

The actual analysis of the moon rocks had revealed little, but what we did find out was interesting nonetheless. We found small traces of purple slime in the craters and small crevices, including the ones in my rock pasta. Finding the damn things took all day because there were a lot of chunks we had to go through and we only found a few traces of it. As of today, we have no idea if it was synthesized in the moon naturally, or someone put it there. We called it a day after that. Chemical analysis will be done tomorrow.

After a long, boring day of getting purple goo out of moon rocks, I finally went to see the Hamilton premiere on Mars with Paolo, Sigrid, and Jane. I don’t know them very well yet since they’re new additions to the team, but they seem cool from the first few hours I hung out with them, so I invited them to go with me. It’s amazing that Hamilton is still getting staged after 35 years, but it’s not very surprising, is it? Holy crap, I’m still getting chills when I watch it. What is amazing, however, is that we were able to see it on Mars at all. The planet was only colonized 10 years ago, and terraforming only started two years after that. We’re only half-way finished with the terraforming, but a fully-functioning atmosphere has already been built, and a few thousand people are already living there, which is incredible. The musical is still awesome whatever planet you stage it on, though. The production turned off the artificial gravity and took advantage of that to its fullest when it came to the choreography. It’s even more amazing than when I saw it back when I was a teenager.

What’s even more amazing, however, is the fact that our boss was also there. Seriously. Because we didn’t think that Dr. Petrova, the scary, muscular Russian lady who looks like she bench-presses bears as a hobby, is a fan of musical theater. We almost snuck out undetected, but she saw us. She invited us to have dinner with her, and we were honestly too scared to refuse.

But now, I am fascinated by her. My boss turns out to be a very chill lady. She has a deep, scary laugh, but that’s the only thing kinda scary about her, along with the muscles and the brooding attitude. So yeah, I guess we only found her scary because she’s our boss, and we never really thought of building a relationship with her outside of work. After that, we sang some zero-g karaoke and had a few drinks. Paolo, the little weakling that he is, vomited after two bottles. Puke is very gross when you look at it floating around. We flew him home after that and went our separate ways. This day did a lot of good easing my anxiety about this moon thing. But man, I am very tired.

[end of audio log]

Log Entry – 07.07.2050

Fucking hell, my head hurts. Wait. Why am I recording this right now? It’s only 3 am. What? Oh, damn, I’m still drunk. [snoring]

Holy crap, was this thing turned on all night? Alright. I am now fully awake and sober. I’ll record today’s events after work, as I always do.

[end of audio log]

We finally did chemical analysis on the purple slime. It has some properties that aren’t found on anything else on the planet, but it strangely bears some resemblance to nitroglycerin. Although because of its baffling chemical traits, it does not ignite when lit on fire. Something else probably detonated the slime, although we’re still not sure what it is.

The analysis almost didn’t happen, though. The samples went missing when work started in the morning. We were all frantic trying to find them. Then we found Paolo, bless his hungover ass, standing over the samples with a knife, a jar of peanut butter, and some bread. Dr. Petrova yelled at him, “THAT’S NOT GRAPE JELLY YOU DUMBFUCK!” and some Russian expletives I couldn’t understand. He jumped in surprise and fell on his ass, but otherwise he’s fine. He was sent home for the day because of his hangover. He didn’t eat the samples by accident, fortunately. I think the boss also didn’t punish him or anything, which is fair.

After that clusterfuck of a morning, work went smoothly. The analysis was done, and we found out what we found out. Work ended after that, because all of us were at a loss at what to do. It really seems like it’s an alien object, but we still can’t be sure. For now, we just put it inside the observation chamber. I immediately went home after because I didn’t really feel like hanging out. Solving a mystery’s just too exhausting sometimes, ya know?

[end of audio log]

Log Entry – 08.08.2050

I stopped recording for several days after my last audio log because work had been long and busy. I only started again now because the experiments finally yielded results. Well, kind of.

Fucking scorch marks EVERYWHERE, y’all. After almost a month of nothing, the goo exploded again. I had to wake up at 6 am today because of that. My boss called me, absolutely frantic. I just thought that if SHE is panicking, then we are ALL panicking. I showered, got dressed, and ate breakfast in the span of ten minutes and immediately went to the lab like it’s the 2010’s and I had to go there by car because warp gates didn’t exist yet. THAT is how urgent the situation is.

What happened was that the alarms went off because the observation chamber blew up. All my friends and the boss were already there. We looked inside, and the samples got out of their glass cases, but not the room itself. Large-ass scorch marks were seen everywhere. Good thing the entire room is made out of titanium alloys.

Another look-around revealed that most of the room is now covered with purple goo, which means they somehow multiplied. It doesn’t complicate things at all. The security cameras also showed that nobody broke into the lab. An inventory of the items revealed that no equipment was stolen or messed with. Knowing that the observation chamber was still airtight, locked under heavy security, and nothing in it was actually broken, the only conclusion we came to is that the slime slipped through their cases, somehow ignited, then multiplied.

After cleaning up, we put all the slime in titanium-alloy boxes instead of glass ones. We cannot observe it properly that way, but we can’t take any chances, either. Letting it have even the slightest means of escape is dangerous. The only thing we can do for now is to continue analyzing while containing the rest.

We also managed to recover footage from the damaged security cameras inside the observation chamber. What we saw is kinda confusing, and we still don’t know what ignited the slime in the first place. It turns out that it kept exploding inside the glass case and somehow got bigger ang bigger until it got all over the chamber. The source of the explosion is still a mystery. More analysis will be done tomorrow. Hopefully some progress will be made.

Our boss wanted to hang out with us again, and we did not hesitate to say yes. There’s a meteor shower that’s gonna pass through the solar system today, and we can see it up close on Mars. We went there after work, and it was beautiful. The zero-gravity environment and protective force field around the planet allowed us to observe the meteors up close. None of y’all have lived at all if you haven’t seen comets changing colors and streaking through the darkness of space so close you can almost touch them. I haven’t seen such beauty since the first spacecrafts that landed on Mars was televised. Three of us saw Sigrid holding on to Paolo’s arm while they looked up, all mesmerized. Is she in love with him, or, knowing how much of a klutz he is, trying to stop him from careening over the observation deck by accident? We didn’t know. We just let them be.

After that, I realized I forgot my laptop in the lab. My boss said she’d go with me since she wanted to do some last-minute security sweeps and make sure the observation chamber wouldn’t explode again. All my friends went home and I went with my boss. She said she wanted to go there by spacecraft instead of warp gate because she wanted to take in the sights when we travel between Mars and Earth. Being that I have no plans and it’ll only take about an hour and a half anyway, I said sure, why not? She took her craft out of her bag, unshrunk it, and we set course for Earth.

There were some sights worth seeing, alright. Ever since humanity became capable of space travel 30 years ago, we developed a newfound appreciation for it. New quasars recently started to form between the empty spaces of Earth and Mars and I am ecstatic I live in a time I get to see them up close. Those beautiful gas clouds would eventually turn to stars and I cannot wait to see them.

I pondered a bit during that car ride. All this wouldn’t have happened if the planet didn’t get its shit together. 10 years before space exploration became a thing, Earth was on the brink of collapse. Thankfully, every country decided they had enough and actually worked together to finally put a stop to global warming. My parents said that to this day, they still can’t believe the sheer scale of unity that happened back then. From what I have read in history, I couldn’t believe it either. Holy crap, we can actually work together. All of those countries eventually became unified as the Global Alliance, one big-ass country with a big-ass, but more efficient government. All this happened a decade before I was born. I wish I could’ve seen it.

We finally got to the lab, and we did all the things we had to do. But my boss asked me if I can stay with her for a few minutes and have a couple of drinks. Turns out she has a secret stash stored in her office. It’s not late yet, so I said yes. I also wanted to know her better because she honestly seems cool.

We got to talking. I told her about myself; how I grew up in Washington, D.C., nearby what used to be NASA headquarters because my parents both worked there; how I saw the prototype for future spaceships being built; how all that inspired me to work in astronomy and join Stargazer Laboratories, all of it. To my surprise, she pressed further and asked me to tell her stuff about myself that has nothing to do with work or outer space or whatever. I mean… I guess she wants to be friends, too. Okay, sure.

Sorry to disappoint you, I told her, but there really is nothing else to tell. I can sing and play guitar a little bit, but I haven’t done those things in a long time because of work. They’re more of a hobby, really. She cut me off and told me that she actually kinda sings too, which just didn’t surprise me anymore considering she just seems like the type. I dunno, by this time I’ve just learned to throw away my initial impression of her that I got because she is clearly very different from the idea I had in my head. At this point, it’s getting very late, but we both didn’t care, so I just went ahead and asked her stuff about herself. She said she was born and raised in Russia, no surprise there. She also told me how her parents both worked in what used to be Roskosmos, the Russian space agency; how this also served as a catalyst for her to work in astronomy; and how she is also the eldest child, with four younger siblings. Now I know why she can lead a team so well. I thought this entire thing might be awkward at first, but man I am glad this happened. She gave me permission to call her Val outside of work, so I guess we cool now. We finally went home after a few hours. I should stop now. I still have work tomorrow.

[end of audio log]

Log Entry – 08.09.2050

As I predicted, I woke up super late this morning; 20 minutes before work started, in fact. It’s times like these I am very grateful for the existence of warp gates. I managed to prepare my tired ass in 10 minutes and get to work. I thought that would be the worst thing that’ll happen today. I still wish that I was right.

I got to work without incident. We conducted more chemical analysis on the definitely alien goo. Yeah, the others say there isn’t enough evidence, but I’m calling it right now; it definitely is. While in the middle of analysis, the power suddenly went out for a few seconds before turning on again. We checked the wiring and the generators after that happened; there was nothing wrong with them. Out of suspicion, I placed an EMP detector in the middle of the room and confirmed that there was an electromagnetic pulse that burst out in that spot — the exact spot where the purple slime was. We immediately contained it in the titanium-alloy box, and then I passed out.

I woke up in an ambulance, but thank heavens I was well enough not to go to the hospital. From what Val and the others told me, the slime exploded again the second we contained it. It was strong enough to break it open, which just gave me a lot of anxiety. Fortunately, it absorbed some of the impact and we were all just knocked out. Some of us have a few bruises — I have one on my left side right now — but aside from that, none of us were badly injured. We didn’t break any bones or anything like that. Aside from broken glass, shattered microscopes, and other things, none of our equipment was badly damaged. The construction crew said everything can be fixed by tomorrow, so most of us just went home early.

Jane went home because she can’t walk very well, but I saw Sigrid and Paolo going somewhere together. I am very sure they didn’t go home; not very surprising from what we’ve seen a few days ago. I also planned on going home, but Val asked me to hang out with her for some reason if I was feeling well. I said yes, since I can still walk fine and all.

She insisted on driving me there instead of just using a warp gate. I saw extreme excitement in her eyes, so I said yes out of curiosity. She said the trip would take about two hours, so I took a nap. I woke up and, to my surprise, we’re nearing Mars. I thought we were going to your house, I asked her. She said yes. Silence hung in there for a bit, then I realized. I mean, while I am kinda surprised that she lives on Mars, it still wasn’t that surprising. She seemed like the sort of person who would do it. But it turns out the surprise does not and there.

I got to her house, and my jaw dropped all the way to the floor of her spacecraft. It looked real fucking amazing. It was a behemoth of a structure. The middle looks like two giant gears. Surrounding it was what basically looked like a bunch of giant spears jutting out of the ground. The most insane part, however, was that the entire thing was made of glass. All of it. Made of glass. Oddly enough, it looked familiar, too; then it hit me. It looks exactly like the glass structure thingy Doctor Manhattan made in Watchmen! I said this to Val, and she looked quite surprised. She said that she planned it on purpose, and I was the very first to notice. Guess that’s another thing we have in common.

The landing bay was in the middle, so that’s where we went. The interior of her house — if you can call this thing a house — looks surprisingly normal. Well, normal for the head scientist of the world’s best space station, at least. It’s still big and all, but it doesn’t give off the scientist vibe. She took me to her living room surrounded top-to-bottom with bookshelves and a large-ass flatscreen TV. She served coffee, and we got to talking.

I saw her own copy of Watchmen and I lost my shit. It was a physical copy! The edges were a bit frayed, which showed that it was a well-read copy. She doesn’t keep it in a glass case because it’s a collector’s item or any of that bullshit, which is dope. Classics are meant to be read, not kept in a shelf to preserve it in “mint condition.” Physical copies of any books are rare these days — not that I’m complaining, since the almost non-existent use of paper did loads of good for the environment — but it’s still nice to see an actual book and not just a holographic facsimile. I saw her suddenly smiling at me like a maniac. “Nice to see you finally nerd out around me,” she said. “It’s nice that I can fully relax around you now,” I told her. She told me not to relax yet because she has a surprise.

She went into another room and gave me this huge box with wrapping paper. I stared at her like an idiot for a few seconds. She asked what was up, and then it occurred to me to look at the date. I felt like a moron in that moment and I told her why; I straight-up forgot it was my birthday today. Holy crap, I’m 30 years old already. She laughed at that. She laughed real hard. I mean, work’s just overwhelming and we might be dealing with eldritch alien horrors beyond our understanding, so it’s not surprising I forgot. After her fit, she finally handed me my gift. I opened it and my day got a whole lot better.

It was a Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure special edition boxed-set. All of the anime adaptations were in it, parts 1 until 10. It’s surprising Jojo even ended at all, but I guess even Araki had to retire at some point. Guess he’s not a vampire after all. But how did she even know I’m a fan? To answer that question, she told me how much I talked non-stop about Jojo back when we got drunk at that karaoke bar on Mars. She got it on video, even; although it was blurry as hell because she was also drunk. Damn, it turns out I talk a lot when I’m hammered. The party got started after that. She suggested we watch it together on her big-ass TV since she also hasn’t watched it in a long time, so we did. Holy crap, the animation looks better on a TV that large. Another fact about Val: she cooks a mean pasta.

After binging season 1, she told me to close my eyes for a bit. Guess the surprises weren’t over yet. I opened them after a few seconds, and my face suddenly got covered in chocolate icing. Turns out she secretly invited Jane and the others while I was distracted. We celebrated some more; we bungee-jumped off her balcony; we ate more food; we jammed to some songs, with me and Val singing some songs while I played guitar. We blended well when we sang some show tunes. It felt good to sing after a long time. I didn’t know that I missed it this much. I can definitely say this is the best birthday ever. Work begins again tomorrow. But for now, I rest. Can’t wait to binge Jojo again after all this.

[end of audio log]

Log Entry – 08.10.2050

For the first time in a long while, we finally had a breakthrough! We had to finagle the experiment a bit to get there, too. We already tested for temperature and got no results; putting the goo through varying degrees of temperature does not do anything to it. Lighting it on fire doesn’t yield any results, either. Because of that, we thought that maybe it’s being ignited like an actual bomb by an outside force and not through natural means. The idea we came up with is to simply put a small radio transmitter inside the damn thing. Yup. That’s it. It seems too simple to work, but it surprisingly did.

The transmitter lit up five hours after we put it in. Holy crap, we were right! The goo is somehow receiving radio signals from somewhere we cannot locate. A few seconds later, it exploded inside the two layers of the titanium-alloy box we put it in, so we know that radio signals can pass through the box somehow. I’m quite relieved and excited by this because it means two things: we’re just dealing with a criminal with sophisticated equipment and not extraterrestrial forces or whatever, and the solution to this won’t be too difficult. We just have to track the signal with better equipment, track down the criminal, arrest him and finally get some answers. After that, we put the goo back in the observation chamber with some signal jammers to ensure that it won’t ignite again.

I prepared to go home, since Jane and Sigrid are both sick so after-work hangout seemed impossible. But Val pulled me into her office. Paolo was also there, and apparently, he needs our help. He said that he and Sigrid finally became a thing a couple of days back, after almost a month of dating. Props to them. He said he hasn’t told her about it yet because it’s supposed to be a surprise; he plans on taking her to the restaurant peak of Olympus Mons tomorrow for dinner as their first actual date, and he needs us to take her there. Being the good friends that we are, we immediately said yes. He was so ecstatic he ran out the building skipping and yelling in glee. I was about to leave as well, but Val held me back. Okay, I guess she wants to talk a bit more.

She looked flustered as hell for some reason. I can tell she was blushing under the moonlight coming from her window. She kinda looked cute, actually. She said that it’s already been a month since we became friends, which was true. She also said despite it only being a month, a lot already happened and we were kinda close already and stuff, which was also true. I told her that yes, I also do think we grew closer in that time and that I think she’s really cool, especially after she threw me that surprise party. This was also the point that I asked her where she was going with this, and I am quite aware that I should’ve seen it coming. She told me she liked me for already quite a while now. It all started when I nerded out over her copy of Watchmen, she said, and that she’s been hinting at that the past few times we were hanging out. What I’m about to say next would be an approximation of the play-by-play of my thoughts during that moment and how I reacted: “She was hinting at it? How did I not notice? Am I that oblivious? More importantly though, do I like her back? I mean, she is cool. She lives on Mars on a giant glass mansion. She’s an anime fan, a singer, we click together. She’s a bit loud sometimes. She’s also assertive as a boss and a very chill person outside of work and I am definitely into that. She’s a very good leader and also a great friend and person so what do I really think--?”

That entire thought process went through my brain like lightning. My feelings for her immediately crashed down on me like a waterfall. It was insane. The reason my thoughts just stopped there was because I immediately kissed her suddenly, inside her dark office lit only by moonlight. I imagine she saw me blush after I pulled away. I profusely apologized after that and was almost out the door when I was cut off, this time by her kissing me back. Silence hung in the air for a minute after that.

So, she asked me back. “When did you start liking me?” I thought back, and I said it was probably the first time we drank in her office. We planned an actual date tomorrow, and we finally left the lab. I guess that’s that. I am quite surprised, although I know I shouldn’t have been. I went home feeling a bit giddy and at peace. I am gonna sleep well tonight.

[end of audio log]

Log Entry – 08.11.2050

[crying]

It’s been quite a long day. I… I’m not well. I’ll have to start from the beginning.

Work began normally, at first. When this day started, I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I had a date after work and I was also gonna help my friends with theirs; I had things to look forward to. But that all changed, just like that. God, I can’t do this.

It all began when Val informed us that Jane had been missing since yesterday. She received a call from the police just this morning; apparently, it seems like someone broke into her house. Signs of a struggle can be found everywhere, and she’s nowhere to be found. So yeah, one can say it was a rough start. We went to work, hoping she eventually gets found.

The uh, the thing happened when we were supposed to start analysis again. Paolo and Sigrid went into the observation chamber to get the sample. The rest of us were setting up equipment when we heard the sound of metal tearing apart. We ran there as fast as we could; I wish I hadn’t got there first.

We were shocked to see Jane there, except by that point, she wasn’t even Jane anymore. Her red hair has been cut short; patches of bald spots could be found everywhere. There were cracks all over her face and body, all glowing purple. Her eyes were also glowing purple and [choking sounds] she was swinging a kitchen knife around. We tried to go in, but she ripped off one of the empty glass cases from the floor and threw it at us with ease. She screamed in a garbled voice that wasn’t hers and lunged at Sigrid with the knife. Paolo pushed her out of the way and he got wounded instead. Sigrid screamed in shock, but she suddenly got cut off when the creature held her on the neck and threw her at the wall head-first, instantly breaking her neck. I can still hear her screaming until now; the moment that scream suddenly got cut off for the last time is still fresh in my mind.

Before any more damage can be done, the creature suddenly collapsed. With all the commotion, we didn’t hear the alarm sounding and the police getting here. They said they used a small taser to take it down; when we investigated, we saw a small, circular thing around its neck. It was the size of a button and probably where the electric shock came from. We immediately worked with the police to restrain the creature, being that we had all the equipment we need. We contained it in a large titanium box, the ones used to transport dangerous criminals. The creature was also restricted in there by titanium straps around her forehead, waist, arms, wrists, legs, and ankles. As a final measure, the box also has electricity running through the outside so that it gets shocked when it breaks the restraints and tries to force its way out. The creature will be interrogated by all of us tomorrow. First, we took care of my friends and gave them a proper burial. After work, I just climbed up onto the roof of the building because the moon looked beautiful and I needed to be alone. Turns out Val had the same idea. We just sat there, alone, not saying anything. Eventually, we just cried with each other for God knows how long until our tear ducts simply dried out. Knowing I can’t bear to be alone right now, I invited her to sleep at my house. She agreed, and we went home.

She’s asleep right now, as I’m recording this. That’s where my life is at, I guess. We’re one step closer to solving this mystery, but my friends have died. That’s simply not fair. [choked sobs] God, I’m gonna miss them so much. We’ve been through a lot now, even though we’ve known each other for only a few months. I hope the creature that took my friend’s body gives us what we need tomorrow. I hope it pays dearly for what it did. [crying]

[end of audio log]

Log Entry – 08.12.2050

Just came back from the interrogation today. I won’t record much. I feel a bit sick to my stomach from what I’ve just heard, and I don’t think it’ll go away soon. I’ll just listen to the audio log of the interrogation the ICD was kind enough to share with us.

[end of audio log]

Interplanetary Crimes Division

Interrogation Audio Log #48783

This is Detective Charles Chapman speaking for the Interplanetary Crimes Division offices located in Tromsø, Norway. Just yesterday, one of the scientists at Stargazer Laboratories had brutally murdered two other scientists there and had also caused significant damage to some equipment. Considering that the perpetrator seemingly has inhuman strength, glowing skin, and other physiological anomalies that cannot be found in other human beings, the possibility that the perpetrator is no longer human but merely an empty shell being used is being considered as a possibility. The creature is now properly restrained inside a titanium box with titanium straps. The cage is also lined with electricity and is inside a forcefield. The interrogation will be conducted with me outside the forcefield; communication will only be done through wireless communicators.

Detective Chapman: Who are you?

The Creature: [silence]

DC: Do you have a name?

H: I am called Helvig, but my people have given me the moniker of The Oncoming Storm, for all the planets I have brought destruction upon.

DC: If I recall correctly, your friends told me that your name is Jane.

Helvig: The one you call Jane is no more. What you see before you is nothing more than her empty body, hollowed out when I took possession of it.

DC: OKAY. I’m glad we cleared that up. I guess the next thing I have to ask is, how did you manage to infiltrate this planet?

H: I came here when I destroyed your moon using what you call the purple slime as my weapon. I hitched a ride inside one of the resulting debris then took possession of this biped’s weak body. Do you know how hard it is to control human brains? It took me almost a month to assert total dominance.

DC: Really? Well, if that’s the case, how come you’ve been able to manipulate your weapon before that?

H: I have been able to assert a tiny bit of control before, although this biped didn’t know it at the time. I’m just damned unlucky that the times I gained little authority over this body and attempted to kill you all didn’t amount to anything.

DC: I guess that answers that. So why are you here? Why this planet in particular?

H: Why do you think I am called The Oncoming Storm? I am here to bring destruction, nothing more.

DC: Now, why would you do that? Were you ordered to do so by your people?

H: My people are no more. My planet was destroyed when two stars near the place your people call the Kuiper Belt collided; the resulting supernova destroyed my home, and the blast was so strong it propelled my ship all the way to your moon. Had I not found this body to possess, I might have died. But I am here, and this planet shall be destroyed in the memory of my people.

DC: If I may ask again, why? What could the destruction of this planet possibly do for you?

H: Nothing! It will do nothing for me! My people are gone, and my planet is no more. Keeping up our tradition of destruction will be the only way of preserving their memory. After your planet, other ones that bear life will also fall by my hand.

DC: Well, thank you for answering my questions without any fuss. You are the politest criminal I have ever talked to; you know that?

H: Thank you, Charles.

DC: In return, I will extend the same courtesy; do not attempt to destroy this planet. Humanity has advanced beyond your imagination, and there are a lot of us. You will not succeed.

H: [laughter] None of you can stop me! The only reason I gave you information freely is because I know none of you will be able to do anything; you weaklings only managed to restrain me because my powers have not settled into this weak body yet! Give it a bit more time, and I will burn this place to the ground. After this, your planet comes next! [laughter]

I decided to end it there, because I’ve gotten all that I need. Orders from the top brass indicate that the next course of action to be taken would be a joint effort with Stargazer Laboratories to find ways to defeat this creature and save the planet.

[end of audio log]

Log Entry – 08.13.2050

I guess I was wrong. We are dealing with aliens. If not for what’s happened, I would be very happy right now. But not even getting a definitive answer to the question of “are we alone in the universe?” would excite me; especially because one of the answers to that question just killed three of my friends and is now controlling one of their dead bodies like a puppet. Work has been postponed due to the damages our lab has taken, so I honestly don’t know why I’m making the effort to record right now; it’s not like something’s gonna happen today, anyway. Maybe I just need to distract myself from the quiet.

I tried to distract myself by other means, of course. I attempted to binge that Jojo box set I have, but it didn’t work; memories of my surprise birthday party just resurfaced. It’s just too painful. [sobbing]

I… I can’t. I just… I just, can’t. It’s not fair! [crashing sounds] [crying] It’s not fa- [static]

[end of audio log]

There you go. So I, uh… I may have gone berserk earlier, but I’m doing kinda better now. I broke my audio log recorder, but I think I’ve fixed it. Before I stop though, something did happen today that’s worth recording, so… I’m glad for that.

After crying for I don’t actually know how long, somebody rang my doorbell. I looked through my security cameras and found Val standing in my doorway; which honestly came as a surprise, until it occurred to me that she probably wants to check how I’m doing. It stung a bit, knowing that I was too sad and didn’t even think about doing the same for her. I hastily prepared myself and went downstairs.

She looked kinda disheveled and sad, like she’s on a great rush to get here; she had that sad look on her eyes, too. But that’s hardly a surprise, is it? What was a surprise, however, was how beautiful she looked despite all of that. It just so happens that my house has an awe-inspiring view of the hills, and the sunset just happened to hit her as she stood by my door. My day got marginally better after that.

I let her in, and we talked. I asked her if she was okay, and she told me she’s holding up as well as I am, after a cursory look around the mess I made just before she showed up. My recorder was broken in some parts; furniture was everywhere; my glass table was in pieces, all that stuff. We sat in quiet for a while. She eventually told me if I wanted to have the date that we had to postpone two days ago. It took me about two full minutes to think about it, but I said yes; it looked like we both needed it.

We warped to the grassy, quiet park on Olympus Mons; I’m still amazed at how far humanity has gone in terraforming. She prepared a picnic and everything. I cooked some pasta, because of course I did I’m good at it, and I needed a win today. The whole thing wasn’t very eventful, but it was exactly what we needed. We talked, like we always talked. We looked down from the mountain we were on top of, and the view was exhilarating. We looked up, and stared in awe of the stars above us. We reminisced, and remembered the moments we had with them; how Paolo got drunk and vomited in zero gravity; how Sigrid bungee-jumped from the top of Val’s roof and the anti-climactic result of it as we remembered that the artificial gravity was turned off; how Jane accidentally got a face full of cake when I threw it at her; all these memories and others, we remembered last night under the stars on top of the tallest mountain on Mars. It stings, remembering them; but it’s also comforting, somehow.

The nature of our friendship was contemplated as well. If Earth didn’t get its shit together all those years ago, the Global Alliance wouldn’t exist today; all the space travel and huge technological leaps wouldn’t have happened, and travel between countries would still be a pain. We were lucky that we were all brought together in one place. Thinking about the unlikeliness of our friendship just made both of us sadder, considering what happened. We eventually got up and left the mountain.

One last thing we wanted to do before going home was to visit the places where they’re now buried. We already conducted a funeral for them after the creature got arrested and sent them back to their families, but we wanted to see them again, so we can properly say goodbye this time.

First, we warped our way to Brazil to visit Paolo. His family was there, watching over him. We quietly mourned with them for a few minutes, although it felt longer than that. We eventually gave our condolences and left. Our next stop was Sweden, where Sigrid is. No one was watching over her grave, but we did see a few freshly-lit candles around it. The cold winds were swirling all around us, but we hardly noticed them at all. We had no idea how long we stayed, but the cold did get to us eventually, and we left. Our last stop for the night was in Canada, Jane’s home. This visit just made us sadder because we know that her grave is empty; her family will never have a body to bury. No one else was there, which wasn’t strange, considering it’s almost midnight, but we weren’t alone for long when two young women came there; they were her two younger sisters, it turns out. They brought warm tea, and they were kind enough to share it with us. We talked, reminisced about the memories we have with her, and we mourned. Before leaving, Val and I promised them that while we cannot bring their sister back, we can put her to rest by putting the creature down permanently.

I brought her back to Mars. We said our goodbyes, kissed for God knows how long because we didn’t count, and we went home. I… I miss them. I miss them so damn much. [crying]

[end of audio log]

Stargazer Laboratories

Log Entry – 08.15.2050

[crying]

I’ll admit. Considering what I’m about to do, I am scared. I fear that I may not come back from this, but strangely, I am also at peace. This insane, dangerous plan has a high chance of success, and I am more than willing to do it. But first, let’s go back to the beginning.

Yesterday, I got a call from the ICD at 6 am telling me that the prisoner has escaped. Apparently, it got out of its restraints and simply destroyed both the cage and the forcefield using brute strength alone. The thing that is defiling my friend’s body got stronger, just like it said it would. It killed almost all of the police officers before everyone got out and put the building on lockdown. The entire building was then launched through the sky via rockets attached to the foundation as a last resort security measure; it is now floating just a little bit above the atmosphere, surrounded by a bigger forcefield. The creature will be kept in there, but not for long. I immediately prepared and went to the lab with the others; I imagine they got the same call.

We immediately started to formulate a plan to defeat the creature. According to the police, the forcefield will only last until about 4 am today until it runs out of power. There’s also the trouble of the creature getting even stronger than it is now, so we had to account for that, too. The only consolation we have is that it can only use its psychic powers to activate the slime and nothing else; it has to be near it, too. One of the police officers suggested that we simply just have the rockets push the building farther into space, but that was shot down; the rockets simply weren’t built for that, so it doesn’t have enough fuel. We also thought of just straight-up making the building explode, but Detective Chapman shot this idea down, too. Turns out he already fired a couple rockets at the creature and it simply kept walking, unscathed. Our last idea was to warp the entire building to the other end of the universe, but we realized it was also futile; warp gates were made with humans in mind. Creating one as big as a building has never been done before; it might collapse in on itself and implode, or create a black hole that will destroy the Earth. We came to the conclusion that there is only one way to solve this once and for all; one of us has to go up there and destroy the creature ourselves.

A drone was sent to fly near the building and investigate. The entire structure was reduced to rubble. The creature was jumping around, throwing large chunks of debris at the forcefield in an attempt to destroy it. That gave us the drive to really solve this as soon as possible. I remembered what the creature told us back then; how it got to Earth because a supernova propelled its ship here while it’s trying to escape. Then I had a crazy idea.

I told them that the energy of two collapsing stars was the only thing we know of that almost destroyed the creature; I remembered how it told us it was on the verge of death and only survived because it found a host. Then I told them my idea; find three stars that’s the nearest to Mars, put an artificial gravity drive between them, wait for them to move towards each other, then siphon off the energy from the resulting supernova into the engine of a laser cannon. This is the easy part. The next step is that said laser cannon with the energy of three collapsed stars now have to be attached to a spacecraft and fired directly at the creature. The resulting recoil may destroy said ship; or it won’t. This is something no one has actually done before, so none of us are quite sure how this will happen. None of us can come up with a new plan, so this is what we have to go with.

We found three stars near each other just beyond the outskirts of Mars. Siphoning off large amounts of energy in a supernova was terrifying, but not actually that difficult. I, and two other scientists, finished the job in just a couple of hours. Val and I worked together to design a laser cannon strong enough to handle the energy of three stars. The next thing we have to do now is to decide who’s gonna fly up there and do the job. The ICD can’t do it; only two of them are left. One has no combat experience, and the other is Detective Chapman, who’s simply too old for the job. We can’t ask for help from the military, or the other offices of the ICD, either. All of the warp gates in the lab had been damaged, and the personal warp gates we’re carrying had also been messed up due to the star radiation we had to work with. We’re all alone in this.

I looked around the room and realized that the only person who can do this is me. I told this to the others, and Val vehemently opposed it, as I expected. After a shouting match, I told her we just have to talk it out in private. It didn’t really work; we just shouted at each other louder since no one was around to hear us. We finally ran out of energy and just sat down.

So… yeah. After calming down enough to talk, she asked me why I thought I’m the only one who can do it. I told her it’s because I built both the cannon and the modified ship with her, so I’m the only one who can use them. I also want to be the one to personally put the creature down. She got angry at me, told me that she’ll be the one to do it instead, since she knows the machines as well as I do. I tried to talk back, but she was still so angry and started speaking Russian, like she always does when she’s mad. I did something I didn’t expect to do; I laughed. It was real, too. I haven’t had one like it in what feels like a long time. She started laughing, too. We just did that until we ran out of breath again.

I explained to her that this was exactly what she did when I asked her if I can eat my rock pasta; it was also what she did when Paolo almost ate the purple goo. I told her that I love this about her; how passionate and caring she is for the ones that she loves; how I do not want her passion to be snuffed out of this world too early; and how I am sure I am the only one who can do this because she can still lead Stargazer Labs further into the future. I told her how I wanted her to see Earth and the rest of humanity go further into the reaches of space. Finally, I told her the simplest and most important reason why it has to be me; I told her I love her. I love her very much and I cannot bear to see her die and that is why I have to do this. After that, we just broke down together. The tears just kept flowing. She told me she loves me, too. She told me she can’t bear to see me go, either, but I told her she has to go on. I told her again how the lab needs her, and after this, probably the world. We just kept quiet, savoring each other’s company for what might be the last time. We eventually slept for two hours, in each other’s arms. We got up and made the last preparations. We had another short meeting on how things would be done. I simply have to fly up there and aim directly at the creature. Sounds too easy, but we all know it isn’t. After saying goodbye to them, I excused myself for a bit and ended up here.

It is now 3 am, August 15, 2050. I will do what I need to do half an hour from now. From what we’ve seen of the drone footage, the forcefield will last until 4 am, as predicted. I wish I was recording this at home, using my own recorder, but I have no way to get there, so here I am, using the only functional one in the lab. I’m gonna end it here, so suffice it to say the next words I’ll be saying may be my last.

Val, I love you. I know you’re my boss, but I’m glad we did away with the professional awkwardness that might have arisen and just found the time to relax with each other. I am so happy that we met outside of work during that Hamilton premiere on Mars. I thought that I have what I wanted out of life, working in a space station; I am happy you were the one who proved me wrong. [crying] I love you, Val. If these are the last things I will ever say, then I want them to be these words. I love you, and I always will.

[end of audio log]

Log Entry – 10.15.2050

It’s been two months, Leo. Two months. Two long, agonizing months since you passed. [crying]

It’s still clear as day, what happened. I remembered the kiss we shared before you took off. I remembered seeing the blast from the cannon finally incinerate the creature after a minute. I remember how we cheered when we saw you succeed, then suddenly get silenced when your engine blew up. I remember being horrified seeing you fall back down to Earth, then zooming in on the cockpit and seeing you smile one last time before the drone was destroyed by the blast.

The charred remains of the ship landed just outside the lab. Although burned, you somehow managed to stay in one piece. After that, we did what we were supposed to do. We cleaned up the lab and the ship, and we had your funeral a few days later. I was the one who gave your eulogy, you know that? I hope you heard it, and I hope you liked it if you did.

This is the first time in a while I came back to Olympus Mons. I finally had the courage to go after hearing the message you left for me. Your parents let me have a copy of the other audio logs you did. I’ll admit, I haven’t been doing well in a while, but hearing your voice again really helped me.

I think it’s finally time. You said you wanted me to see space travel advance further, right? I already have an idea. Since we now know that life exists outside of Earth, I thought of how maybe we can come up with ways to reach them. I know the last species we interacted with almost destroyed us, but I know there’s more of them out there. Perhaps they are kinder. Perhaps they’re willing to break bread with us. I was thinking of calling it “The Cosmic Unity” project but it sounds too tacky, doesn’t it? I just hope I already have a proposal I can pass to the Global Alliance in a year or so. All of this is for you, Leo. All of it. It’s for the sake of the planet’s progress, too, but it is for you I do this, most of all. [sobbing]

I love you, Leo. I love you more in every day that passes.

[end of audio log]

[deathgatesideblog]

Top 10 “Alfred Loves Haplo” quotes, ranked

When I made this post I promised a sequel and so here I am, delivering. Standard disclaimer, this is a (very) non-inclusive list, and also order is not to be taken too too seriously. Anyway. Onward.

10. Seventh Gate, Alfred almost kills people because he’s so worried about Haplo

All he’d been able to think of was killing. And he’d actually considered it! It’s this world, he decided, horrified at himself. This world of death where nothing is permitted to die. That and the battle in the Labyrinth. And his anxiety, his soul-wrenching anxiety over Haplo. Alfred was so close to finding his friend, and these—his enemies—were blocking his way. Fear, anger… 

It says a LOT about how effusive Alfred gets about Haplo that a quote about him literally almost killing a bunch of Patryns because he’s just that desperate to get to Haplo is the quote I put at the bottom of the list. Like. This is the dude that basically gave himself a handicap to avoid even the possibility that he would ever use his magic to hurt other people. (Unrelated, but you can’t tell me that Haplo wouldn’t be ridiculously into the fact that Alfred was that worried about him. Being so devoted to someone you’d be willing to kill for them has got to be a huge turn-on in Patryn culture, right?)

9. Fire Sea, Alfred heals Haplo

The circle between the two was truly forged, truly complete. And Alfred knew, with a feeling of overwhelming sadness, that Haplo would never forgive him.

I like this quote because of the sense of tragedy in it. Up til now, Alfred hasn’t exactly said that he’d quite like to be Haplo’s friend, actually, but there are a lot of mentions of how lonely he is, how he feels a connection to Haplo and refers to him as a friend before quickly thinking better of it, how he wants to believe that Haplo has good in him, and so on, and all of those leading into this moment where Alfred realizes he can’t let Haplo die. Alfred already cares enough about Haplo to follow Jonathon and Jera into danger to save his life, but more than that, he cares enough about him to be deeply saddened by the idea that Haplo will hate him for it. He just wants a friend, dangit!! That’s the tragedy of it!! Also, that’s not even touching the whole “forging the circle between them” thing. Which is… wow, that’s a thing.

8. Serpent Mage, Alfred makes a scene in front of the Council trying to talk to Haplo

Alfred was concentrating his attention on the Patryn and the dog, but he was also uncomfortably aware of Samah, who was watching the entire incident. Alfred recalled the words he’d just said to Haplo, realized how they must sound to the Councillor, foresaw more questions, more interrogation, and he sighed heavily. For the moment, however, none of that was important. What was important was the dog… and Haplo.

After almost a whole book of Alfred desperately trying to fit in with the Chelestra Sartan and knowing full well that Samah will be watching how he interacts with Haplo, the fact that this whole section is like. All Haplo really does is show up, look at Alfred, and Alfred does an anime blush, exclaims to Haplo about this blasphemous experience they had in the Chamber of the Damned, then realizes how much he screwed up only to go “well, getting the dog back to him is more important right now.” As its own quote it’s not all that much, but like. The context, man. Alfred knows what the dog is, more or less, and knows that it’s Very Not Good that Haplo lost it, and probably even has an idea of the significance of the dog picking him to come to, and in this moment, he decides that reconnecting Haplo with this piece of himself is more important than how he is perceived by the rest of the Sartan, including Samah, which has been his main worry for like… the whole book. That’s love, baby!!! And we’re STILL in the bottom half of this, oh God…

7. Into the Labyrinth, Haplo and Alfred (and Marit) hold hands in Abri

Haplo held out his hand– the hand that was powerful, tattooed on the back with blue runes. Alfred extended his hand– white, shriveled, with knobby wrists and thin bones, its flesh cold and clammy with fear. The two hands met, clasped, gripped each other firmly. Two people, reaching across a chasm of hate. At that moment, Alfred looked inward and met himself. And he was no longer afraid.

So like, obviously hand-holding, and also the FIRST hand-holding, and Haplo’s just called him friend for the first time, and Haplo’s friendship and faith in him giving him courage and confidence, and also just, like, them officially being Friends and that friendship bridging the enmity between their races, and the way the whole thing is such a Moment– to borrow Ana Navarro’s words: “The power that that has, the intelligence that that has, the clearance that that has, the access that that has, the influence that that has, the profile that that has, the international implications that that has–”

6. Fire Sea, Alfred feels a connection to Haplo

“But now we are strangers in a strange world– a world that appears to grow exceedingly more strange the deeper we probe into it.” Alfred appeared confused, almost shy. “I can’t explain myself, but I feel a… kinship to you, Haplo. Perhaps because of what happened to us going through Death’s Gate. I’ve been where you were. And I think, if I’m right, that you’ve been where I was. I’m not explaining this very well, am I?”

A great moment in and of itself, and all the better with @thatclumsysartanisbi​‘s observation that the word for “kinship” they used in the Hebrew translation can also mean “attraction.” Also great in that it mirror’s Haplo’s Elven Star quote about being strangers to the rest of the world, but not to each other. Also like, dang, who else remembers reading this for the first time and being as surprised as Haplo that Alfred isn’t viewing him as an enemy at all? That can’t have been just me, right? Like, it genuinely came out of left field for me, in the sense that I expected them to distrust each other and have to learn to get along, and here’s Alfred starting off by refuting that whole idea?

5. Seventh Gate, Alfred’s vision in the Chamber of the Damned

The Sartan’s face was handsome, strong, resolute — fine steel emerging from a forging fire. No doubts marred its shining surface; its blade was honed to a sharp, cutting edge. The young man looked familiar to Alfred. He could almost put a name to him, but not quite. Now he could. The man had been Haplo. Alfred smiled. “I remember the feeling of elation, of knowing that I wasn’t alone in the universe, that a higher power was watching over me, caring for me and about me. I remember that, for the first time in my life, I wasn’t afraid.”

This ties in nicely with that earlier Into the Labyrinth quote where Haplo is showing up significantly in moments where Alfred is self-actualizing. Haplo and his influence on Alfred is so so connected to Alfred’s feeling loved, strong, not afraid and not alone, and this isn’t the only time that connection is made clear. Also though, this quote breaks the top five because of the whole “Alfred gushing about how handsome and cool Haplo looks” thing, which is QUALITY.

4. Serpent Mage, Alfred watches Haplo sleep and touches his hair

Alfred settled himself beside Haplo, occupied himself by studying the Patryn’s stern face. He noticed that it did not relax in repose, but retained its grim, forbidding expression, as though nothing, not sleep, perhaps not even death, could bring perfect peace to the man. Moved by compassion, by pity, Alfred stretched out a hand to smooth back a lock of hair that fell forward over the implacable face. The dog raised its head, growled menacingly. Alfred snatched his hand back. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.” The dog, knowing Alfred, appeared to accept this as a plausible excuse.

So looking back on this I’m not sure if a Hair Touch actually happens or if the dog stops Alfred before he can actually Hair Touch, but the intent is still there either way so I don’t suppose it matters much. I choose to believe the Hair was Touched though. Anyway, Alfred is terribly affectionate towards Haplo here, and it kind of makes me want to cry. He sees Haplo and knows how hard he’s had it and why he’s the way he is and wants Haplo to be happy??? Shut up I’m emotional. Also… this is that scene in Little Mermaid where Eric’s passed out on the beach after Ariel saves him, and she watches him and touches his hair and all that. Right? I’m right, aren’t I? I’m absolutely correct. Do I need to pull up a picture? I won’t, but. It’s that scene. He’s even got a fucking dog that shows up at the end of that scene. Like. Come on.

3. Seventh Gate, Alfred helps Haplo and Marit speak and also loves Haplo

Her love poured out from her. Haplo’s love flowed from him, and Alfred was the fine silk through which both passed. The tragedy of their separation grieved him deeply. If he could have given them ease by tearing himself apart, he would have done so. As it was, he could only be a poor sort of go-between. What made it worse was that he knew Haplo was speaking to him, too– to Alfred as well as Marit. Alfred, too, must find the strength to leave someone he had come to love.

If I can repeat myself: it says a lot about how effusive Alfred gets about Haplo that a quote where Alfred refers to himself as loving Haplo and compares that love to the love between Haplo and Marit without any qualification is only the 3rd top quote in this list. And seriously, the way he talks about their love for each other is so reverent. Their love for each other is as important to him as his own love for Haplo, which is a kind of love in its own right, that he knows how deeply they’ve felt for each other and suffered over it and how much he just wants them to be allowed to finally be happy together. It’s such a selfless, complete, pure kind of love, that Alfred sees them feeling so deeply and its importance to them makes it important to him, too, his only thought is to protect it, that his happiness and love is in their happiness and love. I don’t know how to put it, exactly, but… it’s not just that Alfred ships them, in this scene, but that it feels like Alfred becomes a part of that relationship, himself. Each of their individual relationships exist and are strong, of course, but this scene in particular has always been about the three of them as their own unit, to me, and it kills me, and is right up there with my favorite scenes in the series, and somehow it’s STILL only #3??

2. Seventh Gate, Alfred thinks Haplo is dead

Alfred knew he should say something, pay tribute, homage. But words were inadequate. What did you say to a man who had looked inside you and seen– not what you are– but what you could be? What did you say to a man who had wrenched that other, better person hiding inside of you outside? What did you say to a man who had taught you how to live, when you would much rather have died? Haplo had done all this. And now Haplo was dead. He gave his life for me, for the mensch, for his people. Each of us drew on his strength, and perhaps, unknowingly, each of us ended up draining a little of his life away. “My dear friend,” Alfred whispered, his voice choked. He bent down, rested his hand on Haplo’s, over the heart-rune. “I promise you. I will continue the fight. I will do what I can, take up where you left off. You rest. Don’t worry about it anymore. Farewell, my friend. Fare–” At that moment, Alfred was interrupted by a whuff.

Do I have to say anything about this? Can I not just cry about it? Anyway. Once again we have Alfred explicitly tying Haplo’s influence to him becoming stronger and more confident and “bringing him back to life.” Also more hand-holding and calling him not just “my friend,” but “my dear friend,” so now both Haplo and Marit have been “dear” to Alfred, which is nice. But yeah that’s all I’ve got because Alfred thinking Haplo is dead after everyone else he loved has died is too much for me, thank god for happy endings.

1. Into the Labyrinth, Alfred explains the meaning of his name

“Whenever you spoke to me, Haplo, even though you called me Alfred, I kept hearing Coren. It was frightening. And yet it felt good to me, all at the same time. Frightening because I didn’t understand. Yet good– you reminded me of my past, my distant past, when my friends and family were still alive. How could you do this? I wondered. Who are you? At first I thought you might be one of my people, but I knew immediately that wasn’t right. Yet you obviously weren’t a mensch. And then I remembered. I remembered the ancient history. I remembered the stories about the—forgive me—the old enemy.” […] “Now I know what my name means. ” “It’s just a name, damn it! It doesn’t mean anything. You said so yourself.” “But it does mean something—to me. You have taught me, Haplo. You even said it. Not ‘chosen,’ past tense. But 'to choose.’ Present tense. Everyone else has always made my choices for me. I faint.” Alfred spread his hands helplessly. “Or fall down. Or"—he cast a guilty glance at Hugh the Hand—"when I do take action, I forget.’” Alfred stood up very straight, very tall. “But now that’s different. I choose to be here, Haplo. You said you needed me. You made me ashamed. You had the courage to come into this dreadful place—for what? For ambition? For power? No. You came for love. The Labyrinth is afraid. Yes, but not of me. It’s afraid of you, Haplo. You have brought into it the one weapon it doesn’t know how to fight.” Reaching down, Alfred timidly petted the dog, stroked its silky ears. "I know it’s dangerous and I’m not certain how much help I can be, but I choose to be here,” he said softly, not looking at Haplo. “I choose to be here with you.”

Freaking. This whole scene. There’s just so much. 1. Alfred connecting Haplo to his true name– the name that only people who love him/who he loves are supposed to know– from the very beginning??? And that it felt good and that he was drawn to it?? Like either he means it literally, in which case soulmate shenanagins, or it’s more metaphorical, in which case it just sounds like Alfred just had a huge crush. Either way that’s A Lot. 2. Again, Alfred crediting Haplo’s influence for helping him grow as a person, but even More because he’s letting Haplo’s (mis)translation of the name he’s always hated reshape how he himself thinks about it? Can there be anything more intimate or romantic than that?? 3. Acknowledging that Haplo came back to the Labyrinth for love. Love that is so strong and so deep that the Labyrinth is afraid of it, even though Haplo is still semi-reluctant to admit that explicitly. But Alfred knows that’s exactly what it is, because he knows Haplo. 4. And then, combining those last two points: Alfred deciding his choice is going to be to stay with Haplo and help him fight the Labyrinth. With his own love as a strength against it, presumably. The fact that he doesn’t just stop at “I choose to be here,” but repeats himself to clarify that “I choose to be here with you.” What the hell. How romantic is that? Alfred, who has been so unsure and unconfident, finally beginning to figure himself out and realizing that the place he belongs, the place he chooses to be, is with Haplo, trying to help him rescue his daughter and save his people? That feels like a marriage vow?? Help? 5. Remembering that he says all this before Haplo has even explicitly admitted that he considers Alfred his friend. True names, according to Alfred, are told to people who love you and who you love. So it wasn’t just that Alfred loves Haplo, but that even without Haplo saying it, Alfred apparently was confident that Haplo cared for him enough for him to tell him is name.

Anyway, I feel like I gushed about these quotes a lot but Alfred is just… too much for me, he cares so much and I love him.

[akaluan]

When All Is Known (Nothing Is) Part 8

Prequel | Prequel | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

((Bringing this one to a close! Whoo! Yeah there’s probably more story somewhere in here if I want to cover them adapting to the past, but for now it’s done~))

The large doors swung silently open when Uryuu pushed, and he led the way into the private chamber of the monster who haunted his dreams.

A cold breeze ruffled Uryuu’s hair. The bare, open air room stretched before him, grand in its simplicity. Marred only by the ornate throne in the center.

(He remembered this. Remembered kneeling before a throne. Remembered cold wind through his hair and a colder voice in his ear.)

(Remembered honeyed words of overcoming his unfortunate taint.)

(Remembered the white-hot pain of being branded.)

Uryuu gave himself a mental shake. Dragged his attention back to the present.

Yhwach sat slumped over in his throne, the sleeping emperor of a hidden kingdom. A sleeping emperor never again to awaken, and a hidden kingdom about to topple to the ground.

“Ichigo,” Uryuu prompted, standing before Yhwach and staring down at the man. He could feel Yhwach’s strength. The strength that birthed an entire people and then drove them into ruin.

(He’d wondered, once upon a time, what the legendary progenitor of Quincy was like. If the man would despair at how his lineage had declined and faded into myth.)

(Only to find the legend was wrong and the Quincy were better off as myths and the boogie-men hiding in the dark.)

Bazz stepped closer and glared down at Yhwach, hands clenched into fists and his shoulders stiff. “We just going to stare at him?” he spat, giving Uryuu a sidelong look, “Or are we going to end this?”

“Yeah, we’re ending it.” Ichigo brushed past both of them and moved to the side of the throne that Yhwach was slumped against. He brought his hands up to grip Yhwach’s shoulders and then flexed his fingers.

Yhwach didn’t twitch or gasp or try to free himself. His body just slumped further, skin turning grey and breathing stuttering. The power that saturated the air wavered. Twisted. /Vanished/.

Uryuu swayed as something in his soul /snapped/ and a flood of power raced through his body. Bazz caught him as his knees gave out and his body began to ache like a limb slowly awakening from sleep. He pressed a hand to his chest and struggled to regain control, a bitter laugh escaping before he could tamp it down.

“The fuck’s the matter with you? Overcome with victory?” Bazz asked warily.

He could /feel/ Bazz. Feel the man’s power, the schrift granted to him so very long ago. Could feel the few Quincy who remained in Silbern, devoted followers of a god who no longer lived. He knew. He /knew/. He knew them all—

Uryuu met Ichigo’s worried gaze and /laughed/, bitter and furious and resigned all at once.

Ichigo yanked his claws free of Yhwach’s shoulders and wiped them clean on the man’s shirt. He darted to Uryuu’s side and pulled him close, supporting Uryuu’s weight and wrapping him in a tight hug. Crooned low and deep and calming.

“Even in death he manages to win,” Uryuu spat, hands clenching in Ichigo’s shirt. “/I will never be free of him!/”

One of Ichigo’s hands gripped the back of his neck and pulled him closer. “Then be the Antithesis he named you,” Ichigo said darkly. “Unmake what he has made. Raze his empire to the ground till only rumors remain. /End the Quincy/.”

“Hey, quick question, what the /fuck?/” Bazz demanded.

Aizen’s soft laughter announced his arrival. “Uryuu-kun is our dearly departed Emperor’s heir,” he announced flippantly. “So, how does regicide feel?”

“At once glorious and a goddamn /pain/,” Uryuu snarled, freeing a hand enough to flip Aizen off. “I didn’t think it would stick!”

“Declarations like that do have weight,” Aizen reminded him. “Especially when accompanied by a mark upon your soul.”

“Oh fuck off.” Uryuu gathered himself and pulled away from Ichigo, readjusting his glasses and glaring at Aizen. “Had your fun, then?”

“Hardly. And then I ran out of insects to play with.”

“You’re a riot,” Uryuu told Aizen dryly. “I’m not fighting you. /We’re/ not fighting you.”

Aizen sighed and spread his hands, a sad expression on his face and mischief in his eyes. “I suppose I will simply wither away in boredom. Forever doomed to remain alone—”

Ichigo huffed in amusement. “Like we believe you’re not going to immediately head back to Seireitei to dick with your past self and Seireitei in general.”

“Well! If I have your blessing—”

“Just… /try/ not to create any new world-ending plots, please?” Ichigo asked. “Give it a few years, at least.”

Aizen smirked at them and Uryuu /knew/ what he was about to say next. So instead he cut the man off before he could even speak. “No. I am /not/ fighting you just because you’re bored. I am not fighting you on threat of another world-ending plot. In fact, I will /end you/ if you even /dare/—”

“My, my, Uryuu-kun sure gets violent these days,” Aizen remarked airly.

“/I’ll show you violent, you goddamn butterfly—/”

Ichigo clamped a hand over Uryuu’s mouth and held him close despite Uryuu’s struggles. “Aaaand that’s enough,” he said in exasperation. “Show’s over. Bazz, Uryuu and I are going back to the Living World. Aizen’s going to go be a dick to the Shinigami and especially to his past self, because that’s who he is as a person. Up to you what you want to do, but I’d recommend not staying here.”

Bazz shot a pleased look at Yhwach’s slowly disintegrating body then glanced between the three of them. “Eh, fuck if I know. Guess I’ll check out what the Living World has to offer first.”

Uryuu yanked Ichigo’s hand away from his mouth and said, “A suspicious ex-Shinigami shopkeeper, enough technology to get lost in for years, and /no Aizen/.”

“It’s almost like—”

“/It is/,” Uryuu interrupted Aizen with a glower. “Go being annoying somewhere else.”

Aizen laughed and raised his hands in surrender. “Ah, I see how poorly I’m regarded here. But do remember, when you get bored—”

“Which I won’t!”

“—just let me know, and I will absolutely be available for a spar.”

“In your goddamn dreams, asshole,” Uryuu muttered grumpily.

“And what dreams they—”

“Nope. No. We’re not going there,” Ichigo cut in, tone sharp with annoyance. “Aizen, kindly shut up. Uryuu, kindly stop rising to his bait. Bazz, please tell me you’re at least /vaguely/ sane.”

Bazz snorted and shook his head. “Sorry, no can do.”

Ichigo groaned and clearly gave up. His arm wrapped around Uryuu’s waist and he started stalking out of the room whilst dragging Uryuu with him. “I give up. Let’s go back to the Living World.”

He shrugged and let Ichigo drag him away, flipping Aizen off over his shoulder one last time. Everything was over at last and the future finally looked bright again. Yhwach was dead, the Wandenreich were dead or scattered, Silbern would collapse without maintenance, and he’d never need to worry about the end of the world again.

The weight of the Quincy lineage rested heavily across his shoulders, but that too could be mitigated. He’d do as Ichigo suggested. Tear them all down. Rip out the foundations and salt the earth.

The Quincy would end with himself and his past self.

At that was all that mattered.

[deviantconnorarmy]

Statistically Speaking...

AN: Done for @tea-with-loki Torn In Two challenge. I got the idea almost immediately, but it was 3 a.m. So I jotted down notes/important snippets/information and it was tabled till the morning (later morning, after sleep). P.S. I love Breaking Benjamin, I usually end up listening to BB for the darker parts of my stories for inspiration.  Also...this is actually short by my standards.  Even for a one shot.

Hindsight AN:  This has turned into a mini-series.  I’m calling it the “Survivability” Mini Series.

Characters: Connor, Fem!Reader, Hank Anderson

Pairing: Connor x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Language (I’m not posting any other warnings here cause spoilers. I will still tag the story so no one is blindsided by unwelcome triggers)

Word Count: 1527

Masterlist   Next Part --->

"Is this the fate we fall between? Deface the life inside of me. Drain the heart with atrophy, and take away the remedy. I am torn in two...Hold on, hold on, we're barely alive. I am faded through...Hold on, hold on, the fallen arise. I will fight this world for you, and let the dawn of love survive. Broken, I crawl back to life!" --”Torn In Two” by Breaking Benjamin

*Connor POV*

Red and static glitched across his vision, marring the pure white of the snow covered abandoned parking lot. He was damaged, his systems informing him of how much damage had been taken and where, that he only had a sixty-one percent chance of survival if he took a very specific path of escape at this very moment. A few paces away, he could see you laying face-down in the snow, crimson slowly staining snow around you.

An ambush. Of course it had been an ambush. There had been a high probability that the information you both needed for the most recent turn of the Deviant case--androids being used to smuggle drugs one of which had caused a red ice lab to explode and killed dozens when it had gone deviant--could be found here. Connor had thought that the potential to find beneficial information had outweighed the risk.

He'd been wrong.

The shooting had started, and Connor had been the first one hit, his clearly android clothes making him an obvious primary target. The bullets had continued to be unrelenting as you both dove for different spots of cover behind broken down, rust covered cars. Connor was in bad shape, but behind the car ten paces to his left...

Chance of Survival: 3%

Three percent.

She's not going to make it.

His escape path was clearly mapped out in his mind. He only needed to follow it. You weren't going to make it no matter what he did, not with those odds.  The best thing he could do was limp back to the precinct and tackle the case from a new angle. It was the only logical option. Leave you. You were practically already dead.

So why hadnt he moved yet? A precious second went by and his survivability dropped to fifty-nine.  He needed to act.

But he couldn’t leave.

Connor shifted to a coiled position, ready to spring forward in your direction at a moment’s notice.  Thirium dripping from his wounds and stained the snow blue, but he ignored it and the Software Instability in the corner of his vision that seemed to be going haywire.

Without really thinking about what he was doing, Connor acted on what he would call instinct--if he wasn’t a machine.  He let the desire to help you however he could override the logic he’d assessed the situation with.

Three percent may have been a terrible chance of survival, but it was still a chance.

Determined, Connor leapt forward, racing to cover the distance between the two cars to get to you as gunfire rang across the parking lot once again.  Connor’s survivability dropped drastically, halved in seconds to twenty-four percent, and his systems quickly alerted him he’d sustained more damage and lost more thirium.  Another bullet hit a major component in one of his legs, and he went down, a foot from the car you were lying motionless behind.

Chance of Survival: 2%

Connor planted his arms in the ground, dragging himself against the ground to crawl forward that last foot.  He was leaving a thirium trail in his wake, another bullet grazing the back of his neck.

His survivability dropped to seventeen percent.  Yours was still clinging to that shaky two.

Connor managed to get his head and upper body behind the car, shielding the important parts from the gunfire.  Another bullet got one of his feet, and he ground his teeth together, pulling himself over to your side with more effort than he cared to admit.

Chance of Survival: 3%

Connor’s LED flashed--it had been red this entire time, but for the moment, it was yellow as he made a call for help.

5%

To his surprise, he saw your fingers twitch, and you stirred slightly.  He’d thought you’d been unconscious, but you seemed to still be responsive.

“C...Connor?”

The mumbled words were muffled by the snow, and would have been inaudible if it hadn’t been for his android senses.  It also stirred him back to action as he pulled himself over to you, putting his arm around you.  It took a few moments, but he managed to pull himself on top of you, one hand finding its way underneath you so he could put pressure on and try to stop the bleeding from one of your more serious wounds.

7%

“C...what..?”

Connor could hear footsteps approaching, and he felt his heart hammer in his chest, knowing that the people approaching had to be their ambushers.

“Don’t move,” he whispered back.  “No matter what happens.  Don’t.  Move.”

8%

Connor closed his eyes.

His own survivability flashed in front of him, a single, glaring red 1%.

In one last attempt to help your chances, he did his best to heat up his temperature before you were both found, not wanting you to freeze to death.

“Found it!”

Connor felt panic--actual fear--as the voice echoed above the two of you, and his grip around you involuntarily tightened as he saw that last chance of his survival disappear.

0%

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

*Hank POV*

Hank didn’t waste any time in getting to the parking lot Connor had directed him to, the ambulance he’d also requested struggling to keep up with Hank’s speed.

It would just have to keep struggling--there was no way in hell he was slowing down.  Whatever was happening, Connor had sounded like it was urgent, clearly life and death.

“You better be all right, you fucking plastic prick,” Hank muttered out loud as he took a risky hard turn into the abandoned parking lot, the hula girl on his dash dancing wildly.

Hank only bothered to pull into the parking lot enough so that the ambulance still had room, jumping out of the car and pulling out his gun and a flashlight as he rushed into the parking lot, flashlight sweeping behind car after car when he didn’t see Connor or you out in the open anywhere.  The android EMTs followed a few paces behind him, waiting for a signal that would tell them who their patient was.

He’d been searching for almost ten minutes when he caught sight of something blue glowing in the snow, the clear sign of an android.

“Connor!”

It was already a bad sign that the android was on the ground and covered in snow, but the fact he didn’t respond to Hank’s call only made the fears hank had been trying to suppress worse.  As he got closer, he could see the thirium stained snow leading from one car to where Connor was currently lying motionless, and then he saw the crimson...

Finally he got close enough his flashlight illuminated Connor’s body, riddled with bullet holes and lying unmoving atop something Hank couldn’t see.

“Connor!” Hank shouted, tucking his gun away as he dropped next to the android.  He tried to roll him over, only to realize Connor’s arm was wrapped around something.  Hank quickly switched tracks, pushing Connor the other way and rolling him onto his back.

As well as revealing you were hidden underneath him.

“Jesus Christ,” Hank swore, one hand reaching out to Connor while the other landed on your shoulder.  Not a single bullet had pierced through Connor to you, but his clothes, especially his jacket, was soaked in thirium, the same blue blood coming out of his nose and mouth, eyes still closed, LED dark.  “Jesus Fucking Christ...”

Hank rolled you over carefully, expecting to see you riddled with bullet holes and dead as well.  When he did, he only saw a couple gunshot wounds, and he could see--now that you were on your back--that Connor’s hand had been over the worst, keeping you from bleeding out before help could arrive.

Your chest rose.  Marginally, but enough for him to see you were somehow still alive.

“Get your asses over here!” Hank hollered at the EMTs, who were already hurrying over with their stretcher.  “Shit!”

Hank looked over at Connor again, taking in the blue blood drag mark from the other car, and the crimson snow that hadn’t budged, the bullet holes all over him, your blood on his hand.

It wasn’t hard for Hank to put together that whatever had happened, Connor’s actions saved your life at the cost of his own.

Your life took precedence.  Hank went with you to the hospital, hoping you were going to be all right--especially with what Connor had sacrificed to keep you alive--unable to help but think of Cole.  It wasn’t like he could do anything with Connor’s body, though--Cyberlife had a certain way of doing things.  They were supposed to be called when there was a destroyed android.

They didn’t come for hours, though, unbeknownst to Hank, or you, lying in recovery in the hospital, currently in a coma but the doctors optimistic considering how far you’d defied the odds already.

Connor remained lying in the snow for hours, surrounded by blue, white, red, and rusty metal.  It started snowing again, gradually hiding the android from view of the outside world as time slipped by.

There was a soft whir that hummed through the parking lot.

A dull red glow emanated from beneath snow.

Next Part --->

[kvothe-kingkiller]

wtf is Nephelai

aight so if you’ve been following me for a bit you probably have Noticed me posting about the Thing I am writing which is called Nephelai.

so I thought I’d give a lil primer on it just for uhhh fun? I guess?

anyways. if you want it in a sentence its ‘gays out-science the competition’

if you want a little bit More info than that 4-5 word (depending on ur opinions on hyphens) blurb, here u go. I will put her under the cut so it does not clutter up the dashes of anyone who isn’t into this kinda thing. I am shit at brevity so this in itself is kinda long.

Just as far as vague genre/feeling stuff goes, it’s a sci fi and it kinda combines adventure with slice of life? Idk man. Its very much character based and a lot of it is dialogue. If you’re looking for pretty, poetic writing you’re not gonna find it here, I tend to just get to the point lol. It deals with some pretty heavy/dark stuff but I will tell you upfront that the ending is happy. There’s too many dark edgy books that end sad. Plus we don’t have enough gay stories that end well. It’s also quite R rated, though more in the violence/sweary way than the sexy way. 

Given that it does deal with some Rough Shit (child abuse, racism, depression, etc.) I have a list of all the chapters and their possible triggers here. (its at the bottom of the post)  I just put in general things but if you have a specific/more obscure trigger I would be happy to inform you if/where it shows up.

Also, just so you know, this fucker is Long. its at 180+K and I still haven’t gotten all the chapters out yet. As well as that, this is essentially a first draft. I know its slow to start and choppy in some places but currently Im just trying to get it out, and uploading the chapters as I go gives me incentive to do that, cause otherwise I’d never even get the first draft done. Basically I write a chapter, check for spelling and grammar mistakes, miss most of them because grammar is my kryptonite, then upload it. I will be editing it a Lot in the future. 

anyways.

Setting

The story is set in our universe in The Future. How far in the future? don’t ask because I don’t know. I don’t want a 2001 space odyssey situation. A lot of the technological advancements would take wildly different times to achieve so I don’t want to put a number on it especially because we are very bad at predicting how fast things will advance. It is at Least 150 years I’d say.

Humans have moved on from earth and colonized new planets. They’re still on earth, it’s just that they’re also in other places. Namely Mars and proxima centauri B which has been renamed Salus to keep up with the whole roman god thing (she’s the goddess of safety). Both planets have colonies from multiple different countries. Not all countries, I mean lets be real lichtenstein isn’t colonizing mars anytime soon. The two american colonies on both planets are Lincoln (Mars) and Roosevelt (Salus). The way that people travel between these planets which are v far away is through electromagnetic radiation powered engines and the use of man made wormholes. Let’s ignore relativity and pretend that when you get close to the speed of light your timeline Doesn’t slow down because I don’t want to deal with that.

However, those planets are not where most of the book takes place. The main planet they are on is Nephelai (shocker I know.) It is a planet with a small research colony on it. Before the colony was put in place, it was a barren planet with some water that was in the zone for life, and just didn’t have any. They terraformed the fuck out of it so the atmosphere is the same as earths then installed a Beyersdorf around it. A beyersdorf is basically a time machine. Anything inside it will have it’s timeline sped up. Uses some black hole jiggery pokery I don’t want to explain because it would be... impossible. Anyways, they placed some organic molecules on it and sped it up until life evolved then slowed it back down to normal time to go in and observe. It has tall mountains and a surface that is so hot that water boils. So all of the life lives up in the clouds around the peaks. Most of it is adapted for life in the air. Such as: giant borzois with wings and living blimps that are basically guppies. Its very cold and people have to have specialized gear to go outside.

Plot

I don’t want to go too much into the plot because... thats why you Read books, but I’ll give my best summary. Basically the main character, Nadia, is getting her masters in evolutionary biology and has to do a year long research project. She goes with her professor, Brenley, to Nephelai to do the project. While there, the planet is invaded by uhhhh neo nazis (whoops) and they basically create a hostage situation that is very hard to get out of in order to get the third main, Krupin, a celebrity trash man, to work for them and make some very dangerous biological weapons that his company’s products would be able to produce. Obviously they don’t want this to happen so they have to come up with a plan to escape. However a lot of what happens is more based around the emotional toll it takes to be trapped for so long with no contact to the outside world and the uncertainty of whether they’re gonna make it out or not.

Characters

Alright so now the characters. As I said, this is very much character based. So its more about their interactions than anything else really. Again, lotta dialogue.

Nadia Waters

She is as said before, the main character. A 23 year old dork who is a complete nerd (they all are). She is bi and also a bit of a disaster, naturally. Quite smart but doesn’t think she is, very loyal to the friends she has, and can be a bit shy at first. She is also stupidly brave to the point where its a problem. Her need for adrenaline is Real and she does very stupid things to get it. She describes herself at one point as “just a grad student with a very poor sense of self preservation.” While she doesn’t go looking for fights she will definitely stand up for herself and others and throw down against people who could very easily kill her.

Elias Brenley

Nadia’s professor, also a dork, also a nerd. A lanky french weirdo with an obsession for physics and a love for 80s music. Very spontaneous and doesn’t give a shit about embarrassing himself. He has aspergers and even though he is very smart and can do some savant-like tricks, that isn’t the only aspect of his personality (what a novel idea...) He Also isn’t just a ‘robot’, he cares a lot about others, especially those who don’t mind his quirks. Also I took the expected subplot of ‘male professor gets with female student’ and threw it in the garbage where it belongs cause he’s gay as hell. He and Nadia do become very close but it is 100% platonic

Feliks Krupin

Also a nerd, also gay (seeing a pattern?). He is pretty much a public figure as he owns one of the biggest biotech companies out there, Vozmet. Kinda like if you took elon musk and removed the asshole-ness. Annoyingly perfect in every way, charming, pretty, v smart, all those. Struggles with a good amount of mental stuff that most of the world doesn’t know about and came from a pretty shitty background. Him and Brenley have some History though at the beginning of the story they haven’t seen each other in 9 years. Tends to be noble to a fault and will sacrifice himself for basically anyone. 

Some other characters who aren’t the main three:

Kristina: The president of Vozmet to Krupin’s CEO and his best friend. About five foot nothing and has the appropriate amount of concentrated rage. She’s not mean, she just doesn’t let anyone push her around and knows how to get what she wants. 

Heidi: One of the only sane ones. Was determined by others to be the leader of the hostages so to speak and has Way too much on her plate. Is often the one voice of sanity or the one to actually get the others to stay on task

James: Drinks that respect women juice all day every day. Very nice. Doesn’t deserve this situation. Has a bit of a thing for Nadia.

Scott: Is the other only sane one along with Heidi. The doctor of the group who almost acts as a father figure to all of them even though he’s not That much older than some of them.

Saoirse: Dumb irish lesbian. ‘Nuff said. 

Links

so if you like the sound of any of that you can find it on 

fictionpress: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

or AO3 here

if u took the time to read this massive post, and/or read some, I luv u. *mwah*

[classic-rock-roller]

1. You know Bonham’s been going through a rough patch lately, and she’s been locking herself in her room and binge drinking. You decide to have an intervention. You, Tom, your whole band, and QR are there. When Bonham comes out, she’s clearly just dragged herself out of bed. You push her onto the couch, and she listens to your spiel, dazed. When you finish, you ask, “Do you have anything to say for yourself?” All she says is, “This is probably the type of conversation I should have worn pants for.” How do you respond? What do the others say to her? Do you get her to stop?

Me: I’m just glad we got you out here for this conversation. 

Tom: We’re really worried about you, Bons. 

Kevin: I love you. Please don’t drink yourself to death. 

Erik, Sean, and Linus are all somber but look at her with worried expressions. 

Rudy is hugging her on one side and Frankie is on the other and Carlos has run to the bathroom. 

We do get her to stop after she starts attending AA meetings. 

2. You and Bonham and Tom and Kevin are playing cards and Kevin keeps boasting about his good luck. At one point Bonham says, “Shut up.” “No,” he says. “Don’t make me come over there and sit on you.” she says. Kevin says under his breath, “Is that a promise or a threat?” Does Bonham hear it? How does she respond? How do you and Tom respond? What happens if Bonham goes and sits on him?

Bons: A promise. 

She goes over and sits on him. 

I’m laughing hysterically and so is Tom. 

Kevin is huffing. “Come on, it’s not that funny. Bons, get off.” 

3. To participate in giving to a charity, your band sells dates with you and Bonham. Tom makes sure he wins the date with you, but Kevin got sniped when he tried to buy Bonham’s date. She says it’s fine, it’s for charity. “I just hope it’s not Vince, he’s always gets too handsy.” The night of the date comes, and you are getting ready to leave with Tom when the buyer of Bonham’s date shows up at the door. You answer it and guess what, it’s Vince. What do you tell him? What does he say? What does Bonham say when she learns it’s him?

“Vince, I’m warning you now don’t get handsy with Bons ok?” 

Vince: Oh, I’m not. This is my practice date for when I take out Sharise for the first time. I’ll be a perfect gentleman. 

Bons comes down the stairs and turns right back around while saying, “Oh, hell no.”

4. You and your college fuck buddy are scheduled to go to a party with Bonham and three of her friends. When you get there, one of the boys is playing a video game, the other is playing around with Master of Puppets on a 7 string guitar, and Bonham and the other girl are in a heated argument that ends with the threat of, “Don’t make me shove my foot into your tampon tunnel.” How do you and your fuck buddy respond? Do you leave or do you stay? How does it go if you stay? What do you do if you leave?

Mick: Uhh...

Me: This is normal. Hey Erik, Good game going there. Linus nice noodling pretty soon you’ll be able to write your own stuff for our band. Jess, how many times have I told you not to piss off Bons. Bons don’t kick her in the tampon hole, please. 

Mick kind of awkwardly stands at the edge of the room until Bons notices him and pulls him over. 

5. Bonham is sleeping on the couch one day when you’re making french toast. You leave her plate for her on the floor next to the couch before you leave for work. Kevin and Tom are scheduled to meet you there when you're done with work, and as the three of you walk in you see she’s still there. Tom startles her awake, and she falls off the couch, her hair landing in the plate of French Toast. She’s looking stoic and Kevin asks if she’s okay when she bursts out laughing. She laughs uncontrollably for a solid two minutes before she’s sobbing violently. You’re all a bit freaked out. What do you all do? Why is she so fucking nuts? (trick question no one fucking knows)

She’s had a long day she didn’t sleep well the night before because she was up all night from a bad stomach bug. I pull her into a hug and go, “I know, I know.” Tom asks if she’s ok and throws away the plate and Kevin helps her get the goop and stuff out of her hair and partially off her clothes. 

6. You and Tom and Bonham and Kevin are hanging out and it’s still after Kevin has been freshly released from rehab. Kevin joined Bonham in the chair she was in (an obvious attempt to get close with her), and as he’s talking he accidentally brushes her boob with his hand. “Jeez stop titty punching me.” she says as a joke. He flusters and says, “They’re just so big and in the way.” How does she respond and what do you and Tom say?

Bons: Well, try to be more careful next time, ok?

Tom whispers to me that he thinks Kevin likes her and I whisper back, “You think? It’s quite obvious.” 

7. You know that Bonham writes in a journal instead of going to therapy because it’s cheaper and easier. One day you and Tom are waiting for your kids to arrive home from school (they’re all about high school age) so you all can go to a family dinner with Bonham and Kevin. Sam seems very eager to just lock himself in his room when he gets home. Not long after, Bonham and Kevin arrive, and Bonham is really mad. “What’s wrong aunt Bons?” Cassie asks. “I don’t know who did it, but someone in this house took my private journal and leaked the whole thing online, so now all my darkest secrets are trending on every social media site from here to fucking Cancun. I know it wasn’t your parents, and your kids were the only other ones who knew about it. Who spilled the beans?” “Is that what that pink duct taped thing is in Sam’s room? I wondered what that was.” Chrissy says. Looks like the mystery is solved. How do you all (You, Tom, Kevin, Bonham, Sam, Chrissy, Cassie) proceed?

I head up to Sam’s room screaming, “Samuel Kevin Keifer! You better hope your ass is sitting because once I’m done with you, you won’t have an ass to sit on!”

Cassie: I’ve never seen mom that mad. 

Tom: I have. Honey! Don’t do that! We need to talk reasonably. 

Me: I am reasonable. Unless one of my kids acts like a dick and endangers his aunt. 

Chrissy: Auntie Bons, are you gonna be ok?

Bons: Of course, I will be. But your brother won’t. I’m mad at him but I didn’t mean to sick your mom on him. 

Kevin: Jesus! I haven’t seen her this mad since that dude almost threatened to beat you up back in the day. 

I pull Sam out of his room by the ear and make him give the journal back to Bons, “Apologize to your aunt. You are grounded for six weeks. That is something we never do. Especially since people are always looking to use that information against us. Understand?”

8. You and Bonham are getting ready to film a video with NSP and as you’re coming out of makeup, Bonham’s mouth is bloody as hell, but she doesn’t seem to notice. You’re about to say something when Ninja Brian, who rarely says anything to either of you, sees her and says, “Holy crap! What happened to you?” Bonham touches her face and her hand comes away bloody, but she still seems unfazed. What does she say, how do you respond, and what does Danny say when he walks up?

Bons: Oh, it’s fake blood its part of my makeup. 

Me: Are you pulling a Mick Mars?

Danny: A what? 

9. Kevin is freshly out of rehab and Bonham and Rudy have just split. She’s been a bit of a sad sack, but one morning you’re looking for her so you can all go to rehearsal and she’s nowhere to be found. You call her three times before she answers. “Hello?” She says groggily. “Where are you? We have rehearsal in fifteen minutes,” you say. “Somewhere you won’t like.” She says. Just then, you hear a male voice in the background, “Who’s that?” “Is that Kevin? Did you sleep with him? You just split up with Rudy!” you demand. Bonham just replies with, “The best way to get over one dude is to get under another. I’ll be there in ten.” and hangs up. How do you react? What do you say when Kevin drops her off at the studio?

I’m a bit surprised by her answer but don’t say anything. When Kevin drops her off, I saunter over to his side of the car and lean into the window. I give him a smirk, “Well...you had a busy night...” Bons puts her head in her hands before saying, “Yes we know. Now can we get into rehearsal? I’ll tell you all about it at lunch ok?” 

10. Your band is doing a photo shoot for your next album and you’re all wearing swimsuits. You’re all meeting up when Linus says to Bonham, “What’s with all the bruises on your back? Is Kevin hitting you?” She flusters and doesn’t really give an answer until you go up to Kevin, who’s talking with Tom. “Did you hit Bonham?” You ask menacingly. Kevin just looks indignant and says, “No, well, yeah, but she asked me to.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” Sean asks. “She asked me to hit her when we were having sex.” Upon hearing this she says, “Way to be discreet.” How do you, Tom, Erik, Linus, and Sean respond?

Me: Oh, ok. Just don’t hit her too hard that you bruise her next time ok?

Tom: Damn, DuBrow. Did you hit her with bricks?

Erik and Linus just shake their heads at Kevin and Sean is just looking at him. 

11. You’re about to go to sleep one night when you get a call. Cassie answers the phone but soon brings it to you. “It’s uncle Kevin. Something happened but he just insisted that he talk to you.” You answer the phone and he just tells you, “It’s Bonham. We’re at St. John’s downtown. Just…get here.” You do, and leave Cassie in charge of Sam and Chrissy. When you get there, Kevin is simultaneously worried sick and livid. He says, “She was at some party with friends from college and she overdosed hardcore on coke. They don’t know if she’ll be alright yet, but she’s so in for it when she’s better. She should never have touched that stuff.” Tom gives a little snort of laughter. “That’s rich, coming from you.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” Kevin hisses. “You’re such a hypocrite, you nearly killed yourself and your ex fiancee because you were strung out on coke, and more than once. You have no right to get preachy to her because this happened.” How does Kevin respond and what do you say?

Kevin gets all silent and just glares at Tom because he knows he’s right. 

Me: While both of you are right, right now we should focus on her and making sure she’s ok. I can’t deal with breaking up a fight between you two I can barely hold it together right now. 

____________________

1) Your singer and Tom have a date night planned and you’re busy with a late night at work so Kevin is watching Cassie, Sam, and Chrissy overnight at your house. Your singer and Tom kiss the kids goodbye and your singer goes, “Are you sure you can handle them, Kevin? They’re a handful.” Kevin goes, “We’ll be fine I promise.” They leave for their date and you go to work. Once you get off work at about nine, you grab your phone to see four missed calls from Kevin. You call him back and Kevin screams into the phone, “I can’t deal with this! I can’t deal with this! I need help. Oh god, so much vomit.” Apparently, Sam and Cassie both got a stomach bug, (oddly enough baby Chrissy didn’t). How is your house when you arrive and how do you help Kevin with the two sick kids and the baby?

2) It’s the day of your and Kevin’s wedding. Your singer (who is your maid of honor) is helping you get ready when Tom knocks on the door. You only hear part of the conversation but you can tell your singer is pissed, “Seriously?! Why did he have to do this now? Help Bons get her hair done and I’ll go find him.” When Tom comes back to help you, you give him a funny look and go, “Do you know what you’re doing?” He looks at you in the mirror and says, “Who do you think does this every day?” While motioning to his hair. How do you respond? 

3) Your singer has gone off to find Kevin while Tom is helping you with your hair because apparently, Kevin got cold feet. When she finds him, she punches him in the arm before going, “You’re seriously not running out on Bons. Are you? I know you love her and she loves you and if you break her heart. I’m breaking your face.” Kevin puts his hands up and goes, “Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, I just had to get away for a little bit. It was too busy.” How does your singer respond and how does their conversation go?

4) Your singer has just given birth to Cassie and you’re holding her when you look to Kevin and go, “Do you want to hold her?” Kevin backs up like three feet and holds his hands up, “No. I don’t want to hurt her or drop her. I’m going to hurt her.” Tom rolls his eyes, “For god’s sake, DuBrow. She’s not a porcelain doll. As long as you’re careful you’ll be fine.” How do you, Kevin, and your singer respond? Does Kevin hold Cassie?

5) Mal, Eddie, and Randy are all turning into teenagers. Mal has just turned 17, Eddie is 15, and Randy just turned 12. One day, you, your singer, and Kevin are out in the kitchen and your singer goes, “Kevin, you have to have the talk with them.” “What?! No, I’m not having that talk with them. You have it.” “I have to do it with Roxanne. Unless you want to talk about periods.” You see Kevin’s face visibly distort in discomfort. He sighs, “Fine...” How do you and your singer respond and how does “the talk” go?

6) You and Kevin are over at your singer and Tom’s when you find an old coffee tin (the sin tin) attached to the side of the fridge. Kevin pulls it off and gives Tom and your singer a devilish grin, “You have enough in here to buy yourselves a nice steak dinner. You have been getting pretty busy.” You look at it and go, “Ok, What the fuck does “the Sin Tin” mean? BabyCarrot you’ve had one since we were roommates in college. What does it mean?” How do your singer and Tom respond to Kevin and how do the three of them respond to you?

7) You, Tom, and Kevin go with your singer down to Texas for her aunt’s funeral. Your singer’s cousin asks her to bring back her aunt’s ashes in her carry on to give to her aunt’s son. Your singer is putting them into her carry on in the hotel and Kevin is going, “Come on, why do I have to put some of your clothing in my suitcase?” Your singer responds, “I have to take Aunt Shell home.” Kevin rolls his eyes, “Will you stop calling it that? It’s a box of ashes.” Your singer stops what she’s doing and you can see the tears well up in her eyes. The next thing you know, she locks herself in the bathroom and you can hear her crying heavily. How do you, Tom, and Kevin respond? What do you do to get her out of the bathroom? 

8) You are over at your singer and Tom’s with Kevin and you’re all sitting downstairs in the basement living room. All of a sudden you hear a thud and Tom goes, “Dammit.” Your singer says, “Tom, are you alright?” “No...I think I twisted my ankle.” Your singer jumps up and goes, “What did you trip over?” “I tripped over the damn laundry rack that you insist on keeping.” How do you, your singer, and Kevin respond?

9) You and your singer are sitting in while Crue is recording girls and their manager is trying to talk to the higher-ups and they keep interrupting. (It’s at the beginning of the instrumental I sent you.) Your singer finally just screams, “Oh my god. Shut up, Christ. You three are worse than my kids.” How do you, Tommy, Nikki, and Vince respond? 

10) You have gone into labor with your and Kevin’s first kid and Kevin and your singer are in the delivery room with you. It’s not too bad yet, so you’re just playing the waiting game. Kevin is already pacing and going, “I can’t do this. I can’t do this! What happens if I mess the kid up?” Your singer goes up to Kevin and goes, “Kevin, relax. You’ll do great, I know it. You’re great with Cassie.” How do you, Tom (who’s been sitting on the couch with one-year-old Cassie), and Kevin respond?

11) Your singer calls your home phone one night and you can barely understand her through her panicking. All you get out is that she wants to talk to Kevin. You wake him up and hand him the phone. At first, he’s groggy, but then he shoots straight up in bed and says, “I’ll be there right away. You don’t have to worry, BabyCarrot. I’m here.” When you ask what’s wrong, he goes, “Sam overdosed on cocaine and Tom and BabyCarrot are a mess. I’m going down to the hospital to be with them and to talk to Sam once he wakes up.” How do you respond and how are your singer and Tom once you get to the hospital?

12) You’re on a game grumps episode when Danny and Arin pull out the game Dragon’s Lair. They have both tried and died multiple times when your singer asks if she can try. Right off the bat, she passes both of them in the game, she’s clearly played before. Arin looks at her and says, “How the fuck do you know how to play this?” Your singer responds with a determined look on her face, “Where do you think all my allowance went in the arcade? Not to Ms. Pacman.” How do you, Danny, and Arin respond? What do Danny and Arin say when your singer beats the game?

13) You are recording with Crüe and Vince goes to your singer, “Come on, girlie. You’ve got to sing SOS with me.” They both go into the booth and soon the tapes are rolling. Your singer is clearly kicking Vince’s ass at the song and is really getting into it. Once it’s over Nikki goes, “Wow, you love that song?” Your singer smirks and goes, “Yeah, but I also wanted to one-up Vince.” How do you, Vince, Tommy, Nikki, and Mick respond?

14) Your singer has been dating an old college friend since she recently broke up with Kevin. You’ve been on tour and the paparazzi have been trying to get pictures of them for a while now. One day, you three are walking along the sidewalk when a paparazzi comes out of nowhere, “Pose for a picture! Pose for a picture!” You and your singer ignore him but your singers, college friend, Mick, decks him in the face before pulling you guys along. How does the paparazzi respond and what do you and your singer say to Mick, how does he respond?

@osbournebemydaddy  your move, Bons :)

[countessofsnark]

Snarky Recap - Thunderbirds Are Go: ‘Long Haul’

The One Where IR Show Off A Makeshift Space Shuttle That Would Make NASA TB2 Green With Envy.

The first scene sets up the stage for the victim du jour: space controller and console jockey, Conrad. (Who, might I add, looks like John’s blue eyed goth alter ego. Maybe it’s the hairdo. Sure looks suspiciously familiar *squints*)

Speaking of familiar, either Captain Taylor already got tired of terraforming Mars, or he has a secret twin brother who happens to have a boring space station shop. *more squinting*

The peaceful situation is interrupted by a cargo ship with engine issues requesting immediate docking. So far so good, until some space jockey comes barging in like your drunk uncle at a wedding. Due to the radio signal being severely interrupted, the other ship fails to divert to a different bay before clumsily slamming into the hull.

‘How bad is it?’ Well. Big fat red exclamation marks and sirens going sure don’t indicate that everything is hunky-dory. 

INTERNATIONAL RESCUE, WE HAVE A SITUATION. Don’t worry, John has been monitoring your transmissions. He is always listening. Always. (So, that saucy chat you had with your earth-side girlfriend? Not enough mind bleach on TB5 to make that go away)

Rocket Boy is go.

Try and spot TB3 agains the backdrop of the moon. Where’s Waldo - IR Edition.

Meanwhile, inside the shute…

‘Dear diary, today I failed at everything. Also, I’m probably going to die soon.’ *sad music intensifies*

HARK. A laser-proof hull. Looks like the slice-and-dice approach isn’t gonna cut it today. (NO PUN INTENDED)

So the only plan B they have left is to replace the failing cooling unit with an identical one. Which happens to be the exact twin of Tracy Island’s core cooling unit. HOW CONVENIENT.

Scott: ‘GREAT. Problem solved!’ *starts to shuffle off to whatever it is he wanted to do next, like maybe revisit the stash of Playboys under his bed*

Brains: WAIT. We got 99 problems and replacing that unit is one of em.

Because not only is it a complex piece of engineering, it is also pretty damn big. And that requires a fast but powerful ship. Like Thunderbird 3, which is currently occupied.

‘You said we had one option.’

 Brains: ‘I’ve been running some numbers and Thunderbird 2 could carry it.’

Scott: ‘Uh I think you’re forgetting the whole ‘in space’ part of the mission.’

THANK YOU, CAPTAIN OBVIOUS, FOR THAT ENLIGHTENING STATEMENT.

Brains: ‘Only because it doesn’t have the right rockets.’ Fortunately, Brains has some experimental mods that are ready to be tested. Yes, how very convenient.

Scott: ‘Virgil, you ok with this?’

Virgil: FUCKYEAH I’M GOING TO TAKE MY BIRD INTO SPACE BOIIIIII.

I guess he doesn’t mind the ‘experimental’ part of the modifications then.

Eat your heart out, NASA. Does TB2 have big bass boosters? He doooooo.

Gordon: ‘Hey Brains, when you’re done here can you make Thunderbird 4 into a space ship too?’

Scott: Now kids, let’s not get carried away. Besides, we need TB4 on standby as a submarine.

Gordon: ‘FAB. But could you blame a guy for asking?’

Virgil, popping up from behind a support beam while sporting the most hilariously geeky look on his face: ‘RIGHT???’

Scott: *groaning internally* 

(THEIR FACES THOUGH. I AM DEAD)

Look at this precious nerd being all heroic and nerdy. Be still my poor heart.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1… Liftoff of the Space Shuttle Lumberjack Geek. THUNDERBIRD TWO IS GO.. ING INTO SPAAAAAAACE.

Please, Virgil. I can’t even.

These are the voyages of the starship Lumberjack Nerd. Its mission? To boldly go where no green cargo ship has gone before.

Back outside the space hub’s escape shute, Alan is unsuccessfully trying to make small talk with Conrad.

Conrad: ‘You’re trying making conversation to try and take my mind of the meltdown, aren’t you?’

Alan: (unconvincingly) NOOOO.

After we learn that poor Conrad was just trying to live up to his family’s heroic heritage, Virgil interrupts with a trademark witty introduction.

‘Who ordered the pepperoni?’

Now there’s an idea in case IR runs out of people to save: interplanetary pizza delivery. I’d sign up for that.

Alan: SERIOUSLY? YOU BROUGHT PIZZA?

Oh Alan. You gullible pup you.

Virgil: LOL NOPE. But here’s that cooling unit you asked for.

Alan: *shrugs* Meh, almost as good.

After which Virgil flawlessly replaces the unit. Like a boss.

Check out these nerds high fiving. NERDS.

Conrad and Alan finally meet face-to-face. Ugh precious. Alan chooses to stay behind until the repair crew reaches the hub, which means Virgil gets to give Conrad a ride back down to Earth.

Conrad: ‘This way I get to ride in Thunderbird 2. I mean, it is the coolest Thunderbird.’

‘RIIIGHT?’ Virgil. VIRGIL STAHP.

Alan: WHY YOU LITTLE…

But that ride is gonna prove to be a whole let less smooth than replacing a cooling unit. Thunderbird 2′s launch put a lot of strain on its heat shield. Too much strain, as it happens. Thunderbird 2 is about to be roasted in Earth’s atmosphere.

Scott: Abandon ship, Virgil!

‘Negative, Scott. Can’t do it.’ 

Remember that time the Mechanic severely damaged Thunderbird 2 and Virgil refused to let her crash, divebombing the Tracy Island runway instead? You should know better than to separate Virgil and his Bird.

Scott: ‘We can build another Thunderbird 2. We can’t rebuild you!’

Ah going for the emotional approach. Still, no luck. Because remember the cooling unit? Yeah, too bad they’re carrying a toxic disaster on board. Which also happens to be their saviour.

Conrad running off to use the unit as an anti-heat shield: turning Thunderbird 2 into an icicle. Tell me again you don’t have those heroic genes, son. *applauds*

That time Thunderbird 2 imitated both Thunderbird 3 and 4 in a single episode. Yeah, epic stuff.

Conrad still continues to blame himself. Dude, take a chill pill. Also, wise choice to take a ride that’s actually designed to go into space.

Alan: ‘Aaaand which Thunderbird is the coolest?’

You little git you.

Ahhh. Just when I thought they couldn’t push the show any further they went and turned the Green Machine into a fucking Space Shuttle. This show is bae. I just… I can’t. *bounces*

[godzillamendoza]

Film School Week 1

I’ve always toyed with the idea of keeping a journal to splay out my thoughts and keep a record of the strange and often scary things that run through my head in times of stress. I’ve also heard that it could be a good way to relieve some of that stress, and as anyone that’s been in my position can attest, the first week of college is fucking stressful. 

Now, I’ve dreaded this for a long time. Not because the concept of higher education put me off, or because I secretly didn’t want to do it, or because I thought college was a waste of time. No, it’s because of the drive. I have a crippling fear of driving, which I may do another entry about later. In short, being behind a wheel makes me panic like a Spider-Man UE4 developer trapped in a room with a Marvel Executive and a lawyer. Something about driving gives me this feeling that the whole world is out to get me and every time someone goes around me because they think I’m not going fast enough or they honk at me for waiting too long to go when the light turns green all makes me want to climb out of my skin and leave this planet and go live on Mars in a hut with good wi-fi. (this isn’t stream of consciousness is it? Oh, I guess it is now.)

Anyway, the drive to school is 45 - 50 minutes long. A 10 minute drive to pick up my friend Josh from his apartment stresses me out, and as you an imagine, the drive to school is 4.5 - 5x worse than that. The first day of driving there alone came, my mother being busy with prior engagements at work and my father being lazy. I thought I’d use my GPS to get there, but google decided that instead of a straight path down the highway, I should get onto the highway, get off of it, get onto a different highway, and then eventually merge onto the one I was already on. This all being uncharted territory for me, I went along with it and added way too many extra steps to my commute. 

The first day on Monday was rather easy, being that it lasted 2 hours. Apparently the school had assigned me a schedule to go there on Mondays and Wednesdays every week, but then mysteriously altered it to Tuesdays and Thursdays without notifying me. The teacher in the first class spent the usual 2 hours rambling about safety procedures and reading from a syllabus. Though I figured something was wrong when he did the “what the fuck is everyone’s names” thing and said I didn’t appear on his class list. Class ended and I wandered to the front office to ask about it and discovered the mix up. 

This is the point where I considered something drastic and violent, because I had driven to the school one extra time than I needed to for the week and gas was expensive. I opted to make this day at least somewhat productive by making a short jaunt across campus and getting some financial aid paperwork to fill out at the main building of the school. This meant wading through the crowd of people all staring directly up at the sky with what looked like 3-D glasses from Sharkboy and Lava Girl. As much as I wanted to sit back and gawk with them at the cosmic ballet of a solar eclipse, I had things to get done. So I spent the majority of said eclipse in a waiting room as the student help desk thing ignored my request for a form that was in a basket two feet away from where the guy was fucking sitting I could just go back there and get it why do I have to wait this is fucking stupid I hate everything. Thankfully though I walked out with the form and got to see the eclipse at its peak with some of those 80s bully glasses they were handing out. 

Tuesday was boring. All we did was look through the syllabus AGAIN, but this time with a different teacher and a different set of students and it lasted the full day instead of one class. My rampant insomnia had kept me up until 3 AM the night before, which I consider impressive for myself seeing as how I saw the sunrise every day of summer. This led me to making some tweets to mock the situation and of course people immediately couldn’t tell when I was trying to be silly. I got a mixed bag of encouraging messages from fans that wanted me to succeed and several crazy people ranting about how I should get my money back and quit college because they had a bad experience with a completely different type of college in a different state. And as we all know, if someone has a bad experience or dislikes something, EVERYONE ELSE should disregard its existence forever under their advice. 

The highlight of Tuesday was a moment where I made a genuine connection with one of my teachers. He was a young guy, maybe in his early 20s, who had been editing since 2009 and graduated from the school, only to realize that he loved Post-Production enough to teach it between professional editing jobs. At one point he tried to demonstrate to a half asleep class that they should have a watchful eye for editing choices in other people’s projects to avoid their mistakes and emulate their strengths. Thus, he showed us the short film he had edited during his time in the class. It was some short that had premiered at our state’s film festival, chronicling the plight of an overworked steel-mill employee that began an unhealthy competition with him to receive a promotion and make his family proud. Then he murders his friend by pouring lava on him and making it look like a random industrial accident. The teacher began rolling through it and pointing out his own mistakes as an editor in the film. An act of humility that I found refreshing after going to high school and answering to a faculty of self absorbed assholes that became teachers to feel like they were important. He explained how he made continuity mistakes with a character placing his hand on his face in one shot, then in the next shot removing the opposite hand. Mistakes such as this drive people in the industry fucking crazy because they’re trained to look for it, but none of the students noticed the goof. Myself included. That was when he started briefly describing the scene with the lava and I derailed the whole flow of the class. 

I asked him more questions about how he did such an impressive visual effect and I genuinely feel like it made his day that I was so fascinated. He gave up on talking about the syllabus and instead talked with me about the process. Apparently they had gone out to the back of the school and placed a black felt mat behind a mannequin and then poured green paint on it. Then he rotoscoped the footage to show only the green paint, which he then digitally altered to have the texture and glow of molten steel. He then placed this footage over the actor in the scene, who simply just fell down on the set because real lava is expensive, and lined up the way it poured over the mannequin with the way it would have theoretically landed on the actor. Having seen a lot of visual effects tutorials or watching the behind the scenes videos for Dragon Ball Z abridged, I knew almost all of the terminology he had thrown my way and I kept up in the conversation rather nicely. I don’t know how the other students felt about it considering it was just them watching two guys geek out over special effects, but frankly I didn’t (and still don’t) give a shit. It was fun. This was followed by a drive home where the GPS told me to get onto the highway, then off of it, then under it, then over it, then onto it again. Suffice to say, driving was not fun that day and I got home with my hands shaking and my legs numb and my ass sore from sitting for 56 minutes. 

Thursday started with... well today is Thursday. But today started with me wanting to procrastinate getting out of bed, so against my better judgment I set my alarm clock forward an extra 20 minutes after it rang the first time. I laid in bed with my eyes closed and my heart pumping through the back of my spine at the thought of driving. I didn’t even sleep for that 20 minutes. I just waited. Thinking. Panicking. After that I took a shower for 30 minutes like an idiot. Starving African children could have eaten all that water I wasted. Then I got into the car, turned on the GPS and it said that the drive would last 55 minutes because traffic was so heavy on the highway. Class began in one hour. It offered an alternate route where I did the same bullshit gymnastics of getting off and on the highway 6 times, but I decided that I had the path memorized a certain way and I was going to stick to it. So I disregarded the antiquated GPS and just drove there from memory with about 8 minutes to spare before class started. I had a decent amount of sleep the night before and I was on time and the drive was easy. It seemed like things were off to a good start. Then things started becoming more clear. 

The teacher in my Production 1 class seemed different from other teachers in some way that I couldn’t quite place. But today in seeing him run through a Powerpoint on the basics of shot composition, the rule of thirds, shot types, etc. I figured out what was off. He wasn’t a teacher. He had no degree for it. He as just some guy who, much like everyone else teaching here, was a student with a passion for film who started passing his knowledge to a new generation. It didn’t feel like I was being talked down to, it felt like I was being talked to. It felt like he was just some nice guy, maybe even a friend, trying his damnedest to explain how this stuff works. And then I realized something funny on top of that. I already knew everything he was explaining because I had studied this stuff in my free time since I was 9 years old. I think the only new information I received that I hadn’t picked up from documentaries, books, or YouTube movie reviews, was the technical aspects of these fancy 4k cameras and special tripods they wheeled in from the back room. Sure I was as lost as everyone else when it came to the equipment, but the mechanics of shooting a scene, the methods of writing, the terminology of camera movements-- all of it I already knew.

The rest of the day after felt like something new. I felt like I was somewhere I gave a shit about what I was being told. After 8 years of drifting through school and feeling bored out of my mind (as well as some unhealthy levels contempt for my middle and high school’s respective staffs) I felt something bizarre. Caring. It was stuff I thought was cool. I was being taught stuff I’d probably be trying to figure out at home anyway if I wasn’t at the school. At long last, there was a sense of purpose. 

The Post-Production class was filled with editing terminology I wasn’t familiar with like the L-Cut, the J-Cut, Picture Lock and a few others. But I knew how to DO all of these things. I had already done them in my free time on YouTube projects. I finally had names for these processes I had self taught in my last 2 years of pursuing this strange potential career path. Things were starting to make sense and once again, the post production teacher and I ended up just talking about random technical stuff while the class probably rolled their eyes. He was barely older than me by a few years and he clearly shared a lot of my opinions and favored techniques for these things. I never expected that the first friend I’d make would be one of the teachers, especially given my history with authority. 

After that in my script analysis class I think I surprised the professor. He asked a question and I answered in a way that caused him to stutter and rethink his next words. I think I inadvertently stole his thunder a little by teaching the class a bit of film history that he wanted to tell. We were discussing types of characters and their levels of effectiveness with an audience. He asked “Why do you think the anti-hero become so popular in the 70s?” and I told him “because we had just gotten through Vietnam. In times of war, morals become more gray. Soldiers sometimes have to make tough decisions and do bad things for a good cause, Vietnam especially. When good and bad started to fade together in people’s minds it became easy for that to bleed into the writing at the time and you have more characters reflecting society’s feelings.”

He seemed impressed and annoyed at the same time as he said “that’s exactly right, yes.” But he continued on and I kept quiet the rest of the class. I’m sure he had characters in mind like Paul Kersey or Alex in Clockwork Orange. The entire time I rambled my psuedo-intellectual answer, all I had in mind was the Punisher. I was worried I’d end up sounding like an obnoxious know-it-all-teacher’s-pet asshole like Peter Parker in that new cartoon if I had kept going. It still felt nice to be right for once. Instead of being the bored/depressed kid in the back of the class praying for either death or the bell to ring, I was the smart one that was engaged and smiling. In fact, I started becoming self conscious and hyper-aware of it, but all day I think I was the only that just couldn’t stop... smiling. 

The drive home was better. I had finally figured out the most simple path and I just went for it. I disregarded the GPS and its dumbshit advice. Sure I spent 25 minutes of the trip in grid-lock dead stopped traffic, but I felt in control. I felt like I was confident in my ability to find my way home. I didn’t mind how slow it went because I knew that everyone on the road was in the same boat as me. And the slower you drive, the less likely you are to fly at the windshield if you clip a concrete divider. So I sat and talked to myself on the way home, cracking jokes back and forth with the voice in my head whom I’ve affectionately named “Co-Pilot” and I had an okay time. I got home and realized that everything was going to be okay. I kind of wanted to cry. I also kind of wanted to laugh. 

It felt like all these years of worrying about the inevitability of college and the dangerous commute just came off my shoulders. I felt like a boulder was lifted off my chest and I could breathe again. Now I know why I wanted so badly to go to this place for all these years. Its where I belong. And while it will certainly get a little stressful in the coming months to meet deadlines and collaborate with other creatives, its all the kind of stress I have spent the last years growing accustomed to by doing over the internet. Its not the stress of feeling stupid because I struggled so hard in my math class. Its just the same kind of hassle I’ve had to deal with already by virtue of being an artist. Its the kind of hassled I want to deal with because I know when the final product came out, it was all worth it. Feeling dumb in math class all these years to learn something arbitrary wasn’t worth it. This all feels right. Like I’m Jerry at a daycare for other Jerrys while Rick and Morty go off on adventures. This place was made for me. So yes, an art school is fucking worth my money because I’d rather feel what I’m feeling right now than be some 19 year old working in McDonald’s during the day and feeling hollow inside because I can’t express myself creatively. I hate that shit. 

This isn’t going to be easy, and there might be parts of it that suck. There might be parts of it that drive me to tears and anger, but it’s worth it. I finally found a place where I belong and that I love. Love isn’t easy. Its a lot of tiny problems to solve one by one to make a thing work in the long term. That’s okay. I’m prepared for that and there’s nothing else I’d rather be doing. For just once. I’m feeling okay. And that feels kind of amazing.

[chickenfetus]

all moongan

thank you for asking falen tbh i love u sm and i love doing these 

omg is this ask for this ask meme i literally almost posted this along with the wrong ask fml

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

more cereal than mik because.. i dont eat cereal with milk……… i love the crunch

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

as someone who lives in a tropical country is that what its called idk we dont have seasons and it never gets lower than 25 degrees so yes that would be ideal

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

hrmmmmm… i just remember the page number?? or try to lmao if i dont remember i just skim through the pages and try to recognise where i left off

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

with at least 2 packets of sugar tbh…. i dont drink coffee

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

omg story time i went 2 get my braces removed and the dentist wanted to take pics so he was like “smile with your teeth!” and i was like ok! but then he kept saying i wasnt doing it right lmao… guess whos never smiled b4… (me) so he told me 2 practice my smile lol i didnt answer the qn but ya,,, i am probably

6: do you keep plants?

i used 2 be very against plants… now theyre okay i guess i dont rly keep any

7: do you name your plants?

refer 2 6

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

art??? i havent drawn in awhile

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

no LOL

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

on my side!!!! i cant sleep on my back bc i gotta hug smth.. and my stomach is out of the qn

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?

🅱️… and .. same brainwaves…. poor mans ____…. this is all from the shady hq im so sorry my other pals

12: what’s your favorite planet?

the moon for no real reason

13: what’s something that made you smile today?

hMMm, watching astro and mx perform??? and just being shady with bell lmao

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

this… question,,,..so im thinking of a bright place with white walls and translucent curtains so the light call fill the (living) room perfectly and everythings really ??? sunny and shit idk its warm… the floor’s made of (fake?) wood and theres a small kitchen bc i cant cook and idk if my friend would be able to lol.. theres 2 bed rooms both are painfully small but it works.. theres one other room with a closet for clothes… the bathroom is just a shower, sink and toilet… theres no washing machine rip and ?? thats about it poor mens life

i watchd the like we used mv again and i realized ...... that is literally where i got this imagery from thanks the rose i love a relatable band

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

heres a fact (?) from me first: it rains diamonds on one planet ?? mecury maybe?? mars??? whomst.. this isnt even a fact its ,me trying to recall shit

ok real fact: There are thousands of other planets out there. sorry lads this website doesnt wanna have fun

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?

is spaghetti bolognese a pasta dish

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

im chill with my current hair colour??? bc its brown sometimes idk shitty hair

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

i asked my irl friends (group name: panic support group) and this is what they said

K: everything

E: when u were one hour late (i dont remember this happening but i do know im always late but never for an hour past me wyd)

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

goDD i dont but i sure want to

20: what’s your favorite eye color?

this is strange but every eye colour is my favourite although ppl with two or more colours in their eyes are so cool

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

its just my school bag lmao i got it 4 years ago and i take it everywhere even if the event is “small” and they ask us to bring “smaller bags” ill bring my big ass school bag anyway it looks like this (i dont have to but linking stuff is so fun)

22: are you a morning person?

technically.???its the holidays but i still manage to get up before 10 (most of the time) and … even if i have like 5 hours of sleep i manage to feel awake really easily????

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

tf i just use my phone lmao this is what ive been doing for like a month now… i could watch every vlive i havent watched yet, i could make video compilations i could practice my art but… even though im out of school im still procrastinating.. legends only

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

mmmm falens the closest to that

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

my classroom

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

white converse??  i have 2 get new ones every like 2 years since theyre also my school shoes and break easily….. other than those i have my blueblack converse too (i dont wear them as much so theyre still in one piece)

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?

i dont eat bubblegum bc im always afraid ill swallow it and die and im p sure its illegal here

28: sunrise or sunset?

sunset but i dont look outside enough for either

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

hm……… with jen its when she sends me asks on anon despite it being super obvious like im not a Fan when my friends send me asks on anon bc sometimes i cant tell and i get a sense of false hope but w/ jen its okay but i know its her

with bell its when they reply to my keyboard smashes with their own keyboard smashes lmao and when they just??//?? say smth cute abt their faves (lately its been sanha thank u sh)

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

ya lmao when i have 2 sleep alone and its completely dark i have half a mind 2 believe some random supernatural being is out for me

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

hmM. socks are great i always wear them bc i wear shoes almost every time i go outside… i dont have any weird socks bc im Boring but i have 3 pkmn songs and 1 gudetama socks/.. bUT I DID buy my friend those socks with individual toe pockets… it was so funny when my other friend saw it she choked on her drink and almost spat it out. we laughed so hard we hit our heads against each other i love friendship.. i have 2 wear white socks for sch bc… aesthetic? god if i know lmao….. i only ever wear ankle socks bc….. socks any higher than that? cancelled.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

listen ive never stayed up later than like 1am ok maybe 2am??? but i was working on like a project that was due the next day for school with my groupmates (friends) so does that count lmao

33: what’s your fave pastry?

bread………. sugar donuts…….. i am Aware that thats not how u spell it but wtv

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

why does this ask so many qns in 1 qn……. i had a cat?? it had pink stripes and it didnt have a name bc i dont name my stuff… even my pokemon.. and yeah i still have it except its in a big dusty bag where all my other toys are kept

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

i kinda have to use stationary for school so ya.. p often is correct… pretty pens??? i dont rly see the point whoopS!!! in exams u can only use black or blue so

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

im listening 2 day6 so like day6

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

my room isnt even my room i just go there to sleep .. the place im always at is like a study area except its open?? so everyone can see me lol and . its not messy?? if u look at it from far but the shit on the desk and shelves are so fucking messy god i need to pack those

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

aLRIGHT LADS welcome 2 megans ted talk

(skip this if ur not fond of drama)

so something (refer to the song he said suits myday) happened with jae recently and ive seen fans trying to defend him by @ing him and saying that they love him which is fine - great even! but what i dont approve is how everyone’s basically forgotten about the whole matter because they had concerts so instead of @-ing him and asking him to explain himself, they tell him what a great concert it was which is also great bc their concerts are honestly amazing. basically my pet peeve is when ppl dismiss the problematic action of some people just bc they like them.

another thing is that there were some fans who started guilting others for wanting to drop day6 completely because of what jae did and in my opinion i think it is totally cool to want to drop a group if they did smth bad like??? its ur life???? u can choose who you want to like. what is not cool is pulling out all the good things the person has ever done in their entire life and try to remind others about the positive sides of the person. yes. they’re an encouraging person, etc. but that does not cancel out the bad things they’ve done until they explain/apologise. what is infuriating is just the manner some people took it?? they literally went ahead and tweeted shit like “would your parents drop you if you did smth wrong?” and “you’re seriously gonna drop someone whos been nothing been nice because of one incident?” yes. people will and you dont have any fucking right to stop them? so dont go pulling out receipts.

another thing. its also okay to want to stan the whole group even if someone has done smth problematic. like? to me youre cool if youre able to see and acknowledge the bad shit someone has done and still stand by their side while educating them at the same time its nice to have faith in your idols. however, i wont say much when your idols dont respond and/or respond in a way that shows absolutely no remorse. its cool if you want to support them too, despite that.

tldr; dont fucking excuse someone’s behaviour/action just because youre so far up their fucking ass. dont pull out shit from before either, be it good or bad. and lastly, its okay to want to drop/continue supporting them, its your life.

i just wanted to talk about this tbh,, it was nice to see a few mydays trying to urge jae to explain the whole situation but seeing as he still hasnt and couldve it really irks me :-/

okay update its been a day and i havent really thought about this but im kinda conflicted now bc jae still hasnt talked about the song and im probably just making a big deal out of smth that will never happen again but it really doesnt sit right with me knowing that jae recommended that song to his fans and said it suited mydays?? bc looking at the lyrics... i SURE hope not... idk i have neither forgiven or forgotten but he’s okay now.? i cant stay mad at someone for that long anyway ill never forgive him 4 it though lmao petty ppl only

another thing... jae’s still an amazing person to me with all the encouraging words he says to mydays but this one incident is just soOOOOO hrm and i did go off tangent with the question as usual lol

39: what color do you wear the most?

i wear a lot of colours tbh??? but bc its rly hot out ive just been wearing the same shirt every time i leave the house and its black so

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?

i dont wear jewelry rip

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

challenger deep

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

hm,, ive only ever visited this coffee shop like more than once bc the girl i used 2 like showed it to me b4 like 2 years ago and it was nice i liked their mocha frappe and its cozy i guess??? sometimes i go there with friends to study/just eat but i havent gone in awhile.., its two stories and it has an open air sitting area too i prefer sitting inside bc the sun is a big no thanks.. the ceiling is kind of like?? going downward?? like the kind iin attics???? idk man it was nice

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

u cant see shit here sorry

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

cant relate

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

yea?? sometimes i just gotta bc my brain wont shut the fuck up

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

suddenly all of the puns i know have left my mind thanks @ me

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

vegetables

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

the dark and whats basically in it???? like ghosts zombies and shit u kno the scary shit

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

i like buying albums?? theres a CD in those so it counts lmao i bought sunrise by day6

50: what’s an odd thing you collect?

boxes??? like containers????

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

boxy and letting go by day6

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

YOU KNOW I HAD TO DO IT TO THEM and oh worm

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

me: rocky.. ?????? from astro.. /?? no ive never heard of any of those and i saw the word horror so u wont hear abt those from me any time soon

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

i literally havent been outside for 2 days

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

be petty aka yesterday i changed my twitter icon from jae 2 brian bc jae’s being a child rn so hes out

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

when they ramble abt smth they like thanksk buds

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

is this the song from p!atd i have it in my playlist lmao oh i fucing hate this song i always skip it im not listening

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

idk what either of those are but bell and boxy

59: what’s your favorite myth?

idk any

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

anything that eunwoo has ever written

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?

ive given eggs for karissa’s birthday b4 and i got a kermit its not stupid tho its just the closest thign i could think of

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

i drink water juice everyday every minute every hour

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

my books are all in shelves lads i just  heard the fucking keys rattle im not doing this shit im logging off night

ok day 3 and im back like i said previously my books are on shelves i tried rearranging them by series b4 but my housekeeper rearrnaged them randomly the next day so i gave up

i make playlists for songs that i like, really like (i still skip them sometimes rip) and songs that my friend recommends me i have a seperate playlist for the songs i like in japanese 2

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

light blue?? like its actually p white bc its cloudy

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?

m not rly

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

just. leaves maybe??

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

Horror Movie

68: what’s winter like where you live?

oh winter is fucking fantastic it never gets colder than 25 degrees celsius here and if it does rain it lasts for like 10 minutes

69: what are your favorite board games?

i used to rly like snake and ladders and monopoly :-o

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

im not ready for that kinda death

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?

english breakfast or earl gray??? those r like the standard right

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

ya but i never do bc i either forget to or am just 2 lazy

73: what are some of your worst habits?

being lazy + procrastinating :-D

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

okie :-o ..

they’re great ok ive talked abt them like 10 times in the span of 2 months but whatever folks

they’re super nice, kind and just all of the positive adjectives out there in the dictionary ...... they’ve helped me multiple times and they’re always there 2 lend me a listening ear (or in our case, eye lmao) idk??? im just super comfortable around them always and im honestly so thankful we became mutuals (and subsequently friends) last year!!!! i cant say a lot bc ill just get v repetitive but overall they’re an awesome friend and im glad we still communicate daily via twitter and sometimes our skype sessions even if they’re kinda awkward bc i never know when 2 talk bc im scared ill speak and theyll say smth and itll turn into a MESS which actually happened lmao  

im looking forward to the day our skype sessions become super smooth and easy going!!!

75: tell us about your pets!

i have none but id die for boxys cats

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

well yeah always tbh but its not smth i have to do but more like want to do im just 2 lazy to get around doing it

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

?? i almost said lemons arent pink but i Remembered...... yellow lemonade

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

i feel like this is an Attack? okay LISTEN so story time again.

on the flight back from japan i watched the alien covenant and i couldnt even get past the scene where the baby alien was gonna kill the poor guy who ended up being locked up with the infected dude as soon as i saw the blood and the alien emerge from the guy’s back i bolted lmao

so to calm myself down nd block that memory from my mind i went ahead and watched despicable me 3.. which HONESTLY im the worst critic ever but in my humble opinion.... the movie was good????????? idk i didnt watch minions the movie though i got lazy again whooopS!

anwyay i sidetracked but im neutral im not a fan but i wouldnt go out of my way to call minions annoying?? bc they really arent? i feel like its only seen that way bc of how people make posts abt how annoying minions are even tho.. they arent??

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

my memory hates me so every specific thing my friends have ever done for me has left my mind but .

the cutest thing? everything my friends do for me

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

theyre yellow and no i didnt theyve been there ever since i could remember

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

lava cake

82: are/were you good in school?

yeah i was good in school for like the first three years and this year i just flopped so badly lmao and its my important year too oh well my exams r over and i still dont have a backup plan in mind

83: what’s some of your favorite album art?

all of dance gavin dance’s albums have awesome art

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

back when i was really into 5sos i thought of getting a tally since that was their logo at that time but now no not really unless i decide to get lance’s face tattooed onto my forehead on impulse

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

im keeping up with hq, bnha and tg manga!!!!

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

idk what those r but sure

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

big hero 6

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

who wrote this whats up with these questions

i googled and.. not really?? they all look nice

89: are you close to your parents?

close enough to stand being in the same room as them but not close enough to want to initiate conversations

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

tokyo was really cool (literally) and if i ever go again id love to go with friends so we can explore more??

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

japan was supposed to be the only plan for this year but my grandad passed away so i had to go to malaysia multiple times earlier this year ik this wasnt the qn but ive already went to the planned destination tm so

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

BARELY SPRINKLES A PINCH im anti cheese

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?

um. like?? i tie the sides of my hair that cover my face back??? bc i dont like hair in my face

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

bell

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

hopefully something useful

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

i also click remind me tomorrow lmao

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

infp-t, capricorn, hufflepuff (same as falen nd jen yay)

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

uh ive never been hiking and i dont plan on it sorry body

99: list some five (or id never shut up) songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

currently......

when you love someone - day6

like we used to - the rose

crazy sexy cool - astro

death of a strawberry - dance gavin dance

if it means a lot to you - a day to remember

idk if these actually “resonate to my soul” they just sound nice

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

oh worm.. i wouldnt miind either???

i know i have 2 choose but like

if i go back into the past i could be less annoying?? but the past has actually helped me be the way i am today and i think im learning to be a better person?? im definitely way better than how i was previously 5 years ago and im just grateful i was able to learn from my mistakes???

so i wouldnt go back to the past.

if its in the future i can see how ill end up and if its not good i might end up being able to change myself so i dont get my “bad end”..???? maybe or i can just see what happens in the future and i can look forward to it

itll also give me a chnace to have the most fun while i can if its not too nice

so my decision is to go to the future

thank you so much for asking falen god this got so long lmao

[godsavetheq]

1-30 c;

*GALE FORCE SIGH COMES IN FROM CENTRAL PENNSYLVANIA*

1: Do you try to stay away from walkthroughs?

Yes. I want to win through my own merit. But I need that old ass game guide magazine for Perfect Dark because I want to unlock all the things and beat all the things (Perfect Dark will be a recurring theme from start to finish so buckle up)

2: Company you're always loyal to?

For consoles, Sony for the most part. XBox is the devil. But I do most of my gaming on PC these days. 

For games, the Creative Assembly (which makes the Total War series of grand military strategy games). Although my loyalty is being tested because their cranking out fantasy Warhammer: Total War games like hotcakes now, presumably because their SEGA corporate overlords like the money they’re making off them. Though apparently they have a separate team that’s pretty far into developing the next historical Total War game so I’ll come back around when that comes out, probably.

3: Best game you've ever played?

What a hard question. You know I have 111 games in my Steam library? We’ll say 100 because some of those are like expansions of other games or test servers of WIP games. So 100 games just on PC, plus god knows how many PS1, PS2, PS3, PS4, N64, GameCube, and Wii games I’ve played. It comes to a point where I can’t objectively single out one game from all of my favorites, so I’ll take “best” as meaning like highest production quality and best execution of the game, and I’ll hand it to Resident Evil 7. So professional, so fun... so Shoney’s.

4: Worst game you've ever played?

Shower With Your Dad Simulator 2015. Yes that’s a real game, it costs like $1 and someone bought it for me on Steam and it is the simplest, stupidest game that it probably belonged on a free online game site to justify its existence in some way.

5: A popular series/game you just can't get into no matter how much you try?

Well there’s a lot of popular games that I can’t get into, but that’s partially because I’ve internalized that I hate them without having given them much of a chance (looking at you, Dota, League of Legends, Overwatch (Or as we in the trade call it, “$40 Team Fortress 2″))

But now that I think of it, World of Warcraft. I got my free trial and played it some with Perry & Good Old Boys™ from Steam, but I just did not enjoy myself. I also had a prejudice against this one before I played it but at least I tried it and confirmed that I didn’t like it.

6: A game that's changed you the most?

Fallout series I guess. Kind of got me into post-apocalyptic stuff, RPGs and the like. Kind of opened the door for fantasy for me somewhat. I generally don’t like fantasy and I like to make the distinction between sci-fi and fantasy to justify my liking Fallout but truthfully half of the shit in Fallout is too over-the-top to qualify as like realistic fiction. Still haven’t played Skyrim because it’s too fantasy, but I’d at least consider it because it’s not all that different from Fallout if I’m willing to excuse the magic and shit.

7: A game you'll never forget?

Surgeon Simulator. What a titan of ridiculously clunky medical malpractice. 

The Stanley Parable because that game messes with you and is comedy gold

POSTAL 2 because rarely does a game execute low-quality production and lack of taking itself seriously so beautifully 

Hotline Miami because it fucks with you even worse than the Stanley Parable. I mean seriously, what a rollercoaster ride of mental fuckery. Am I a good guy? Am I a bad guy? All I know for sure is I’m killing a copious amount of Russian mobsters while masked figures in my head whisper nonsense at me and everywhere I go I see my dead best friend and........

Rollercoaster Tycoon (the old one for like Windows 98) because muh childhood

Destroy All Humans! 2 because they just don’t make any alien games that compare to it. Also muh childhood.

KHOLAT because it’s like a clinic in how to do horror right. And it came out at a time when it was a sad time to be a horror fan because Resident Evil was all “hurr durr our games need to be like Call of Duty” and there were no new Silent Hill, Outlast, or Slender games coming out. Of course eventually Resident Evil got good again, Outlast 2 came out, Silent Hills was SUPPOSED to come out (RIP)

Kerbal Space Program. I held out on this one for so long because I was turned off by the little green alien people and I figured it wasn’t serious. But holy fuck it’s actually like the best simulation of running a space program and designing rockets and shit oh my god like they train Astronauts with that game no lie.

8: Best soundtrack?

Slender: The Arrival. Honorable mentions go to Hotline Miami and Supreme Ruler: Cold War

9: A game you turn your volume off every time you play it?

None

10: A game you've completely given up on?

Five Nights at Freddy’s, like, all of them. I can’t beat all of the levels in any of them. I beat the five nights in the original FNaF but not the edgy sixth night. Didn’t even get that far in the second or third. Kinda lost track of which is which too...

11: Hardest game you've played?

Fucking Perfect Dark. I’ve been playing that game effectively for my entire conscious life and only just this summer have I begun to win A FEW levels on Perfect Agent difficulty. For context, I beat the entire game on Special Agent difficulty years ago, but at the time, I could not even beat the first level on Perfect Agent. 

12: Shortest time you've beaten a game in?

When I got GTA V for Christmas several years ago I did almost nothing but play it all day every day and beat it in a few days.

13: A game you were the most excited for when it wasn't released yet?

Probably Total War: Rome II. Honorable mentions go to Saurian, Resident Evil 7, Silent Hills (RIP)

14: A game you think would be cool if it had voice acting?

I dunno, I feel like most games that SHOULD have voice acting DO have voice acting. Nothing comes to mind.

15: Which two games do you think would make an awesome crossover?

I got nothing.

16: Character you've hated most? From what game?

I have to do it. Ashley from Resident Evil 4. I don’t care if you are the President’s daughter, you are useless and annoying.

17: What game do you never tell people you play?

I mean, games that I don’t like I guess.

18: A game you wish your friends knew about?

I got nothing, my friends know about most such things.

19: Which game do you think deserves a revival?

Spore, 100%. Nobody before or since has saw to completion a game where you literally design your own organism from a microscopic sea creature, evolving onto land, gaining sentience, building a civilization, uniting your planet and pushing out into space to build a space empire. It deserves to be remade, and done right this time.

20: What was the first video game you ever played?

The first REAL video game was GTA 3, but I may have played something stupid before that.

21: How old were you when you first played a video game?

I dunno, young.

22: If you could immerse yourself in any game for one day, which game would it be? What would you do?

Kerbal Space Program. I’d finally make that manned mission to Duna (Mars), baby. It has eluded me for so long, and to see it with my own eyes... 10/10

23: Biggest disappointment you've had in gaming?

Rome Total War - Alexander expansion. It seemed like such a simple thing. Make an expansion for Rome Total War about Alexander’s Empire. It was the most pitiful thing I’d ever seen. I mean, I know the original Rome Total War is old as dirt, but the base game and the Barbarian Invasions expansion were pretty good.

24: Casual, Hardcore, or in the middle?

In the middle. I tryhard sometimes and just fuck around other times.

25: Be honest; have you ever used cheats (like ActionReplay or Gameshark)?

I mean... do the cheats in GTA 3 count that spawn a bunch of guns and tanks for you? I didn’t use them to beat the game, I just wanted to fuck around because that’s the best way to play GTA 3 :P

26: Handheld or console?

Given those choices, console. Never was too into handhelds after Gameboy Advance. I had a DS Lite and was into Scribblenauts on that for a while, but since then, nah.

27: Has there ever been a moment that has made you cry?

Don’t think so, but it hit me in the feels when John Marston got killed by the crooked wild west cops in Red Dead Redemption.

28: Which character's clothes do you wish you owned the most?

The only thing that comes to mind is Trent Easton from Perfect Dark because he has like a fucking red velvet suit and it’s so ridiculous like he’s the head of the NSA you’d think he’d wear a black suit but no, bright red. I’ll take 20.

29: Which is more important, gameplay or story?

Don’t make me choose. Depends on the game I guess. I like Perfect Dark despite the fact that its storyline is an incoherent mess. Try to follow along.

It involves a plot between Cassandra de Vries, owner of a shady arms manufacturing corporation with private paramilitaries on the march in every corner of their corporate HQ as well as all over the city streets (I, too, voted for Trump so that he could legalize corporate-owned private armies) that also has a massive underground research lab hidden inconspicuously under the city of Chicago; Trent Easton, the fashionable Director of the National Security Agency, whose goons start shooting up Air Force One in a plot to kidnap and clone the President of the United States, and a mysterious tall blonde man known only as Mr. Blonde who wears evil clothes and, unbeknownst to the other two conspirators, is a massive alien dinosaur thing that sounds like a jaguar in disguise who eventually kills both of them once they’re no longer useful. But don’t worry! The plot to give the dinosaur aliens a super-weapon fails when some guy sends his on-staff professional mass-murderer to go kill endless corporate militias and NSA agents to get to the bottom of it with the help of a flying laptop that has developed a moral code and a different race of aliens who look much less impressive. Or something. So that game makes a compelling case against storyline, but in other cases it’s not so XP

30: A game that hasn't been localized in your country that you think should be localized?

Everything that I care about is localized to the US.

[league-of-light]

2019 What’s the Weekly Challenge Rankings Week 1 Weekly Challenge What Is It IDP Flex Weekly Challenge? Rankings

What’s up YouTubers it’s the Will + Dyl show back at it again with another set of power rankings. And by Will + Dyl back at it again I mean Dylan back at it again while I incoherently ramble nonsensical garbage next to him. We’re off to a great start. Per usual, Dylan will provide his EXPERT level statistical analysis of players and teams, and I’ll pick some stupid meme to run with. This week we’re going with Super Smash Bros because Banjo Kazooie just dropped and it’s the only light in my life outside of Ace and Dairy Delight. Anyway, take it away Dylan.

__________________________________________________

Howdy folks! It’s been a while. I’ve wanted to get back into writing Power Rankings, but it seemed like a bad idea. I haven’t followed football late in the 2017-2018 season, and honestly, I have no idea what’s going on. But Will has convinced me that it doesn’t matter, and that I can do these anyway. So without further ado, here are my power rankings, based on what I understand about the league from almost two years ago. 

11. Cleveland Browns

The Browns have been the worst organization in football for about 15 years. Last I checked, this team was losing every single game, finishing the season 0-16. And now it seems that Josh Gordon DeShone Kizer aren’t even there anymore? This team has no shot. I don’t know who this Daniel Jones fellow is, but hopefully he can help; otherwise, this team is primed for a lot of losses. 

Super Smash Bros character: Pichu. If you’ve played Smash Bros, you know that Pichu has nearly the same moveset (if not the same exact moves, sue me Evan I don’t use Pichu) as Pikachu. The only difference is, anytime Pichu attacks, it also hurts itself. Just like me, every time I look at this stupid gimmick team I decided to go with instead of actually trying to win free money.

10. Honedge Heroes

Antonio Brown AND Le’Veon Bell? I’m not a fan of taking the two Steelers, who will steal touches from each other. Brandin Cooks is great, and I like Derrick Henry, but I’ve never even heard of half of this team. This team should suspend any hope they had of being a contender. 

Smash Bro: R.O.B. Rob is a robot, so is Dylan.  I am reminded about a thing I read today on Reddit about a robot. It was written by Douglas Adams. Please hold while I find the quote:

A robot was programmed to believe that it liked herring sandwiches. This was actually the most difficult part of the whole experiment. Once the robot had been programmed to believe that it liked herring sandwiches, a herring sandwich was placed in front of it. Where upon the robot thought to itself, Ah! A herring sandwich! I like herring sandwiches. It would then bend over and scoop up the herring sandwich in its herring sandwich scoop, and then straighten up again. Unfortunately for the robot, it was fashioned in such a way that the action of straightening up caused the herring sandwich to slip straight back off its herring sandwich scoop and fall on to the floor in front of the robot. Whereupon the robot thought to itself, Ah! A herring sandwich...etc., and repeated the same action over and over again. The only thing that prevented the herring sandwich from getting bored with the whole damn business and crawling off in search of other ways of passing the time was that the herring sandwich, being just a bit of dead fish between a couple of slices of bread, was marginally less alert to what was going on than was the robot.

^ This is Dylan, and the herring sandwich is the New York Mets.

9. Cursed Will

It’s tough to rank the team with the best player in football (Aaron Rodgers) this low. But Jordy Nelson is getting up there in years, so I’m not sure how good Rodgers receivers will be. 

Super Mash Potato: King K. Rool.  Dylan had a pretty fire one for this, so I’ll let him take it away:

IT’S NICE THAT AFTER YEARS OF FREELOADING IN SMASH GAMES AS A TROPHY AND A STICKER, KING K. ROOL FINALLY DECIDED TO CONTRIBUTE AND BE PART OF THE SMASH ROSTER. THIS DOESN’T HELP ALL OF THE PEOPLE WHO SPENT YEARS WITH THE EARLIER SMASH GAMES, BUT I’M SO FUCKING HAPPY THAT NOW THAT HE’S OLD AND IRRELEVANT, HE FINALLY DECIDED TO BE USEFUL.

For those who don’t know, Evan now pays rent. For those who also don’t know, Evan and King K. Rool are both thousands of years old, have leathery skin, and eat Taco Bell every other day. Also, check out this screenshot of K Rool from when Banjo was announced, it’s literally the most Evan photo on the internet.

8. Float Like a… Whine Like AB

I’m not sure why they have Alex Smith’s backup at QB. Davante Adams and Michael Thomas are great, but Mark Ingram seems to be their only competent RB. Maybe they’ll get Alex Smith and find a way to contend. Otherwise, I’m not really sure what this team is doing. 

Smush - Donkey Kong. For those of you who don't know, Donkey Kong got his name because Nintendo wanted to convey that the ape was stubborn, so they picked the most stubborn animal they could think of. Or at least that’s how the story goes. That alone would be fitting enough for Jason, but really he gets DK because of DK’s affinity to charge up a punch and wiff on it, only to CHARGE UP AGAIN LATER.

7. tbt to K88 being platonic

I’m glad to see Larry Fitzgerald is still around, and they have Andrew Luck’s long-time favorite target Eugene Hilton. Ben Roethlisberger could have a huge year with the talent on that Pittsburgh offense, and Alvin Kamara is great. Still, I’d expect Devonta Freeman to split carries again, and the Bills’ defense can’t be very good. 

Super Dunk - Young Link.  Young Link has been out of the Smash Brothers games for over a decade which is almost as long as Harnsowl has been out of America.  Also, YL can drink a seemingly endless amount of Lon Lon Milk, just like Harnsowl with alcohol. 

6. Spicy Meatballs

From what I’ve been told, James White should be the best RB in football by now. I’ll take Phil’s word for this. And Drew Brees is awesome. But I’m not sure about the rest of the team. JuJu Smith-Schuster will have trouble getting touches over the Killer B’s, and all I know about Anthony Miller is that he was a mediocre NBA player in the 90’s who had a brief cameo in Space Jam. Tough to see this team doing well if they can’t improve on that depth. 

Super Meesh Pepe - Samus. Another soulless human robot thingamabob whose only purpose is to watch the New York Mets. Dark Samus for when the Mets lose. So I guess always Dark Samus?

5. No Content

I don’t know if Kyler Murray is actually good, but I’m expecting a big year out of Eric Decker. And the Colts QB has always loved throwing to TE’s, so Eric Ebron should have a huge year. A definite sleeper who might take the league by storm.

Supper Dinner Brother - Lil Mac.  Dylan beat me to it again:

I respect the effort that they put into making Little Mac a better character. They improved his aerial gameplay and his recovery, and made a bunch of other improvements. It must have taken them, like, 12 weeks of work! But, despite all that effort, he’s still in a low tier and can’t compete with the stronger characters.

Honestly, the biggest difference here is that Lil Mac definitely never skips leg day (see photo)

But apparently Kyle has been for the past 84 days.

4. Shit Outta Luck

For some reason, their team page says that they dropped Andrew Luck, but I’m going to assume that there’s some kind of issue in the database that will be resolved shortly. I’m assuming some team that already had a franchise QB took Saquon Barkley at a completely reasonable pick in the draft, and he’s doing great there. And Mike Evans is a star. Once Andrew Luck is re-added to the roster, this team can be a real contender.

Smash Bros Character - N/A. Dylan, Who’s fuckin team is this?

3. I’m Still Here Bitches

A shockingly strong showing for Team Arielle. David Johnson, from what I recall, is the best RB in football. Julio Jones is awesome. Dak Prescott is pretty good, although honestly, I still think Tony Romo is better. Damien Williams might not get a ton of carries in KC, but I still think this team could go a long way.

Daisy. Daisy doesn’t belong in Smash (yeah, I said it Andy), and Arielle doesn’t belong in the league

2. Team Mar

The squad from the 845 is looking very strong. Two superstar WR’s in Alshon Jeffrey and Keenan Allen, a perennial MVP candidate in Matt Ryan, and two top 5 caliber RB’s in Leonard Fournette and Christian McCaffrey? I have no idea how this roster is even possible.

Mashed Potato: Joker.  I honestly know nothing about you, just like I know nothing about this anime (?) character who is in Super Smash Brothers. His name is Joker but he’s clearly not from Gotham and your instagram handle is Marisa845 and you’re clearly not from the 845 otherwise Bowers would’ve remembered seeing you at South. He knows everyone who went to South.

1. Venice Beach Hulkamaniacks 

Now here’s a team of people I recognize. A.J. Green? Trey Burton? Melvin Gordon? Shady McCoy? DION LEWIS? I honestly don’t see how things could possibly go wrong with that kind of talent. This team shouldn’t lose a single game. And there you have it. Hopefully by next week, I will have learned a little bit about the modern NFL and can take a better stab at these, but hopefully this helps get you excited for another great season of the NATIONAL! FOOTBALL! LEAGUE! Back to you Boom.

Smash Boo: King Dedede. The people’s champ. The Penguin with the Hammer.  Just like Kirby, King Dedede can suck in opponents.  Just like Bowers, if those opponents taste like carbs, he will not swallow them. King Dedede has an unrelenting hammer akin to Bowers’ unrelenting trade offers for LeShady McCoy, and had this other game where he got swol af just like Bowers is gonna be at the end of his journey. At least his 12 week journey has seen results. 

Also, I’m genuinely unsure if Bowers wrote this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jibCSdZ8xG0 

73. Andy Brown

A late addition that we had to shoehorn in here even though they don’t belong in the Power Rankings.

[marsymckenzie]

92 questions

Tagged by: @shazrystyles (lmao I love talking about myself XD)

THE LAST:

1. Drink: Pepsi

2. Phone call: No one calls me lmao. Except my mom

3. Text message: my friend

4. Song you listened to: Helena - my chemical romance ❤

5. Time you cried: yesterday I teared up a bit while watching beauty and the beast lmao

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: I have been single from the day I was born

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nope. Still mouth virgin

8. Been cheated on: nope. (Benefits of staying single yo)

9. Lost someone special: I guess

10. Been depressed: LOOOOL! Its everyday bro

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Nope.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Black 13. Red 14. White/pastel pink (thats four but who cares)

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: Yes.

17. Laughed until you cried: yeah

18. Found out someone was talking about you: Yeah, they arent bad things its just gossiping i guess but idgaf

19. Met someone who changed you: Good luck if there is someone out there who could change the way I think lmao.

20. Found out who your friends are: No but found out how none of the people around me care and we are just friends for the time  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: No.

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Many,

23. Do you have any pets: Pets are so cute but I dont think I can handle them.

24. Do you want to change your name: Maybe? I mean I get to have the nickname of a planet and a chocolate at the same time so I will stick with no.

25. What did you do for your last Birthday: Went to school, had a good day there, went back home and slept. My crush at the time had his father dead, just your normal birthday party.

26. What time did you wake up: 1 pm coz I have no life

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Playing hunger games simulator 😂😂

28. Name something you can’t wait for: THOR 3 AND THE AVENGERS INFINITY WAR

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: two mins ago

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: The routine, the boredom, basically everything.

31. What are you listening right now: The sound of silence XD

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I dont think so XD

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: people who exaggerate everything and get offended so easily.

34. Most visited Website: watchfree.to since I am always watching something.

35. Mole/s: I have very tiny ones that are almost invisible idk if that counts

36. Mark/s: Yes but they are starting to fade

37. Childhood dream: Being an actress but that too started to fade. Cause we’ve all learned to kill our dreams  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (why did this turn so depressing suddenly?)

38. Hair color: reddish brown

39. Long or short hair: short hair :D

40. Do you have a crush on someone: No ew never doing that again.

41. What do you like about yourself: having the acting skills of being nice to people I cant stand ✌

42. Piercings: No but I wish I was brave enough 😂

43. Blood type: I…actually have got no clue

44. Nickname: Mars, Marsi, also marsi bar from a close online friend that I miss so that name is quite cute ❤ and miro but I prefer mars lol

45. Status: Single as all shit

46. Zodiac: Sagittarius 47. Pronouns: She/Her

48. Favorite TV Show/s: SHERLOCK SHERLOCK SHERLOCK SHERLOCK SHERLOCK SHER-

49. Tattoos: I DEEPLY WISH!!!!

50. Right or left hand: Right handed.

51. Surgery: If laser, painless surgery on eye counts then yeah.

52. Hair dyed in different color: Not so different but the shade of my hair now is because of constantly applying henna and dying it once… without bleaching… with a shade that was very similar to my hair shade which was really stupid of me XD But anyway I want to experience all colours.

53. Sport: This is a big bag of nope for me

55. Vacation: I wanna roam the world. But dreams are dead and life turns plans upon their heads  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (i should stop XD)

56. Pair of trainers: trainers and sneakers are basically the only things I wear.

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: LOVE IT

58. Drinking: I have a serious addiction to soda. I call it sodaism.

59. I’m about to: sleep.

61. Waiting for: sherlock season 5

62. Want: To experience all sort of things.

63. Get married: I dont really think much about it. I want to get to accomplish what I want first.

64. Career: I really dont know what I want yet :/

65. Hugs or kisses: Hugs and cute snuggles ❤ 66. Lips or eyes: eyes 😍

67. Shorter or taller: Taller coz baby girl needs to feel sheltered. (My sabby side is coming out KILL IT)

68. Older or younger: Older.

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: fuck both 😏

71. Sensitive or loud: idk what that means but neither.

72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship. But yet again I dont do relationships and I dont do hook ups I am a single, independant woman who wa- *someone throws a tomato at me*

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: TROUBLEMAKER. 😃

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: No

75. Drank hard liquor: No

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: If breaking glasses was a sport i would have 100 medals by now.

77. Turned someone down: Yes lolol

78. Sex in the first date: Yo there is a 90% chance I am actually asexual so no lmao

79. Broken someone’s heart: I dont know

80. Had your heart broken: Yeah but wasnt really his fault

81. Been arrested: No but I want to do something crazy and get arrested for it? Y'ALL I AM CRAVING ADVENTURE DONT JUDGE ME

82. Cried when someone died: Yes.

83. Fallen for a friend: No

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: I dont believe in bitches

85. Miracles: no

86. Love at first sight: I guess thats a thing

87. Santa Claus: 😢😢😢

88. Kiss on the first date: depends.

89. Angels: Yes.

OTHER:

90. Current best friend’s name: I dont have ‘friends’

91. Eyecolor: dark brown

92. Favorite movie: TANGLED ❤ 10 things I hate about you and beauty and the beast 2017 because the beast is actually so fucking beautiful and the music is AMAZING!

Now y'all reveal your darkest secrets to mama 😏 :

@princeleolicious @jakemckenzie @playchoicesz @illegallyblonde2 @princessmckenzie @whatchoices

And anyone who wants to do it ❤

[kwonhozhi]

Everybody Needs A Nervy B Now And Then

or 

Bitch In A Uniform 

On the verge of turning 18, grown-up-to-be James sets his sights on the new girl at school, “gorgeous sex-god” Lily, bass player for the Stiff Dylans. Unfortunately Lily appears to already be dating James’ evil archrival: the greasy and bitter Snape. With his ridiculously named cat Sir Jeremy and his band of brothers, the Ace Gang, by his side, James sets his mad schemes in motion to nab a snogtastic girlfriend and have the best birthday party ever. 

it’s here !!!! its here despite my computer shitting itself and drawing a total blank on a title and not being able to leave it alone its HERE we MADE IT

my eternal love to @alrightevans and also @alrightpotter @prongsyouignoramus and @gxldentrio 

AO3

James Potter to Ace Gang: cnt believe u wankers fucking abandoned me

Remus Lupin: james we were RIGHT THERE

James Potter: NOT DRESSED AS HORS D’OEVRES

Sirius Black: it’s spelled hors d’oeuvres

James Potter: i think you’ll find its spelled ‘betrayal’

James Potter: why did you all bail???????????????

Peter Pettigrew: Mum wouldn’t let me go as a cocktail sausage, seeing as she’s veggo and all

Sirius Black: jam you KNO yellow washes me out idk what you were thinking trying to make me be a cheese and pineapple stick

Remus Lupin: i’ll square idk how the fuck i was supposed to be a vol-au-vent

James Potter changed the group name to Betrayal Gang.

Sirius Black changed James Potter’s nickname to olive boi.

-

Sirius Black to James Potter: u should have been at mine 2 minutes ago

Sirius Black: wher r u

James Potter: coming

James Potter: was talking to mum and dad abt my party

Sirius Black: howd it go

James Potter: :///////:

Sirius Black: double ended :/

James Potter: yeah.

-

Sirius Black to Ace Gang: just saw snape on the way to bio. god hes so wet up close

James Potter: wearer of the wettest haircut known to humanity thy name is snape

Peter Pettigrew: Omg i kno i saw it this morning like imagine turning up for the first day like that

James Potter: youd think hed have least timed his yearly bath to coincide with the start of school

Remus Lupin: you guys shouldn’t be so mean about him

Remus Lupin: im just kidding can you imagine

-

James Potter to petition for dumbledore to make a rule about school bathing regulations: lupin we all saw u go off with that bird at break

James Potter: whats the 411 lil mama

James Potter: whats the hot goss

Remus Lupin: nothing, she’s the new exchange student i was showing her around

Sirius Black: sure

James Potter: that hickey under your collar get there by itself did it

Remus Lupin: we’re not talking about this

Peter Pettigrew: Guys shut up i have English and McG is giving me the worst look

-

Sirius Black to now taking bets for how long it takes sirius to get a detention off mcgonagall: where have you and the swedish girl got to on the snogging scale???

Remus Lupin: shes danish

Remus Lupin: and what the fuck is the snogging scale

James Potter: me and siri invented it

James Potter: 1) holding hands                        2) arm around                        3) good-night kiss                        4) kiss lasting over three minutes without a breath                        5) open mouth kissing                        6) tongues                        7) upper body fondling—outdoors                        8) upper body fondling—indoors (in bed)                        9) below waist activity                      10) the full monty

Remus Lupin: why am i friends with either of you

Sirius Black: we were thirteen

James Potter: oh so suddenly now that you’re 18 you’re too COOL for the snogging scale????????

Peter Pettigrew: CAN YOU STOP HAVING IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS WHILE IM IN CLASS WITH MCGONAGALL

Sirius Black: o i thought this was the chat without peter

Peter Pettigrew: Fuck off

-

Peter Pettigrew to Remus Lupin: You don’t really have a chat without me do you ?????

Peter Pettigrew: ??????????????????

Peter Pettigrew: Remus

-

James Potter to Ace Gang: NEW GIRL ALERT

Peter Pettigrew: Yeah, we’ve already seen her. You were there when we walked in on lupin in that EXTREMELY compromising position

Remus Lupin: if you don’t drop it im leaving the chat

James Potter: NOT HER

James Potter: ANOTHER ONE

James Potter: SHES FRIENDS WITH ALICE THE LAUGH

James Potter: SHES THE LOVE OF MY LIFE

Sirius Black: you walked in on remus doing HWAT

Remus Lupin has left the chat.

James Potter has added Remus Lupin to the chat.

James Potter: THIS IS IMPORTANT

James Potter: WE NEED A PLAN

James Potter: HOW DO I GET HER TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ME

Peter Pettigrew: Maybe say hello to her

James Potter: WHAT

Remus Lupin: pete don’t be ridiculous. james would NEVER do something that easy and straightforward

James Potter: i am having a CRISIS here

Sirius Black: please tell me what you walked in on remus doing with the danish girl

Remus Lupin has left the chat.

James Potter added Remus Lupin to the chat.

James Potter: everyone is on intel until further notice

Peter Pettigrew: Yeah okay

Remus Lupin: alright

Sirius Black changed the group name to Lupin’s Nonspecific But Indisputable Lovers’ Tryst With Eddie Redmayne.

Remus Lupin has left the chat.

-

Remus Lupin to Ace Gang and don’t you dare change it sirius black: her name’s Lily Evans

Remus Lupin: Marlene McKinnon says she just moved here from Derby

James Potter: omg remus i could kiss you

Remus Lupin: Mar also said her family’s opened an organic shop on high st

Sirius Black: how nutritious

James Potter: no one asked you

-

James Potter to Sirius Black: what categories have you come up with for the physical attractiveness test

Sirius Black: skin hair eyes nose figure mouth teeth

Sirius Black: all out of ten

James Potter: fab ill do up a table in word now and go to the library first thing at break to print us 4 copies

Sirius Black: marvy

-

James Potter to sirius no one is going to dare you to hack into the school and play gasolina over the loudspeaker at assembly on monday so stop angling for it: which of you fuckers gave me a 3 for my eyes

Sirius Black: it was purely based on their functionality

Sirius Black: you can barely see without ur glasses

Sirius Black: very poor eyes

James Potter: so it wasn’t abt how i look

Sirius Black: i didn’t say that

James Potter: sirius uve rly hurt me

James Potter: what about the 4 for my mouth

Sirius Black: that one was bc you ordered pineapple on the pizza

James Potter: i told u it was an ACCIDENT

Remus Lupin: im retrospectively docking 2 points off every single category for both of you

Peter Pettigrew: Im docking 3

-

Remus Lupin to Ace Gang: have to ditch saturday afternoon lads

Sirius Black: um why

Peter Pettigrew: Yeah whats more important than season six of the simpsons

Remus Lupin: i got a job

Sirius Black: where

Remus Lupin: Evans’ Organic Trade

James Potter: YOU GOT A JOB IN EVANS’ SHOP AND YOU DIDNT THINK TO TELL ME

Remus Lupin: im literally telling you right now dickhead

Remus Lupin: also it’s time travel

Sirius Black: it is NOT time travel it is CLEARLY an alternate universe you dithering FOOL

Peter Pettigrew: You’re both wrong its a time loop

James Potter changed the group name to donnie darko is BANNED from the group discourse.

Peter Pettigrew: Just because YOU thought it was a dream

-

Sirius Black to Friends Of James Potter Support Group: OMG

Sirius Black: PETTIGREW I CANT BELIEVE UR MISSING THIS

Peter Pettigrew: Whats happening tell meeee

Sirius Black: we just went into lupins shop

Sirius Black: evans wasn’t even here

Sirius Black: she just came out with a cup of tea for lupin and james ACTUALLY screamed,,,,,,,,,,,, evans almost dropped the mug

Sirius Black: lupin just introduced us and shes given him this look like “they better not be loitering” so hes selling me onions so she doesn’t kick us out

Sirius Black: lupin i dont want these and i shant pay for them

Sirius Black: evans is trying to talk to prongs but hes just giving her heart eyes

Sirius Black: she just asked if hes in her french class and he SQUEAKED

Sirius Black: day 13. james has still not spoken a word of english to evans

Sirius Black: day 27. hes said “mfngggg” instead of yes the stupid git

Peter Pettigrew: Fucking hell im still in this stupid mother son bonding thing for another half hour

Sirius Black: MOTHER SON BONDING

Sirius Black: siri set a reminder to mock peter later

Sirius Black: lupin just took the tea and evans has revealed shes in a BAND

Sirius Black: prongs has found his voice (!) and hes making the aziz ansari :D face which, unfortunately, makes him look like a total prat

Peter Pettigrew: Rookie error

Sirius Black: she just told him they’re called the stiff dylans and he just nodded really seriously and said “great name” im going to knock him out if only to stop him embarrassing himself further the stupid git

Sirius Black: fun facts about lily evans: she plays bass and she thinks james has brain damage probably

Sirius Black: JAMES JUST INADVERTENTLY TOLD HER SHE HAS REALLY BIG HANDS AND SHE WAS DEADASS LIKE

Sirius Black: “……………………okay”

Peter Pettigrew: BIG HANDS

Sirius Black: HER CAT just came out and prongs has jumped on the opportunity my boy he did it he managed to steer his way onto a topic he knows something about

Sirius Black: more fun facts about lily evans: her cat is called elizabeth bennet and she thinks james has brain damage definitely

Sirius Black: evans laughed at “we just call him sir jeremy but his real name is sir jeremy cattington the third, prince of purrsia and king under the meowntain” thank god

Sirius Black: he told her about how he used to take sir jeremy on walks by the beach but he ate his collar and his lead why is he like this

Sirius Black: prongs my man you sound like an eharmony profile gone wrong

Sirius Black: she mentioned hr sister,,,,,,,,,,,petunia

Sirius Black: the evans parents had a thing for matching names me and evans have so much in common

Sirius Black: FLEAMONT JUST WALKED IN PETE I CANT BELIEVE U ARENT HERE I SWEAR TO GOD YOU COULD NOT WRITE THIS

Peter Pettigrew: Noooo omg

Sirius Black: monty: “james????? what are you doing here? you hate vegetbles”

Sirius Black: james: “haha dad you’re so funny but of course i LOVE vegetables as we all know”

Sirius Black: monty: “james. the last time your mother tried to serve you broccoli you threatened to run away from home”

Sirius Black: james: “haha i was a picky kid, wasn’t i”

Sirius Black: monty deadass just looked right at evans and said “james that was wednesday” that man is my Hero

Sirius Black: lupin literally ducked behind the counter so prongs couldn’t see him laughing the lucky git prongs is glaring daggers at me

Sirius Black: evans is giving him the WORST pitying look omg poor jam he looks like he did when chelsea lost the final last year

Sirius Black: evans is gone holy shit i cant believe u missed this pete

Peter Pettigrew: :(

-

James Potter to Sirius Black: how am i ever going to be able to face her again ??????

James Potter: i love my dad but he can be so beyond the valley of the thick sometimes

Sirius Black: he wasnt that bad

Sirius Black: i dont think evans even took any notice

James Potter: are u SURE my dad hasnt ruined it ????

Sirius Black: j

Sirius Black: it was reaaaally fab

James Potter: fabbity fab?

Sirius Black: with knobs on.

Sirius Black: besides im sure evans will understand

Sirius Black: all parents say stupid things sometimes

Sirius Black: shell probably like u more bc shell feel bad uve got a dad who’s BEYOND bonkerdom

James Potter: you’re right

Sirius Black: i kno :~)

James Potter: i love you but don’t ever send me that face again

-

Peter Pettigrew to James Potter: I can’t believe you told evans she has big hands

James Potter: you werent even THERE

-

Remus Lupin to Ace Gang :~): anyone seen black

James Potter: hes in detention

Remus Lupin: what for this time

James Potter: handing out onions at assembly

Peter Pettigrew: The onions from sunday??

Sirius Black: no peter, a completely different set of onions

Peter Pettigrew changed the group name to Sirius stop being mean to me.

-

James Potter to everyone be meaner than usual to peter: what the fuck is evans doing with snivellus

Sirius Black: wot

Peter Pettigrew: We just walked past them and it looked Really Bad

Peter Pettigrew: She was holding his hand

James Potter: what the FUCK has he got going on that i dont

James Potter: this is fucking ridiculous. snape. who the fuck does he think he is

Remus Lupin: ill see what i can find out at work on monday

-

James Potter to Peter Pettigrew: is it weird to like evans’ band on fb if we’re not friends

Peter Pettigrew: Just fucking add her dude

-

Sirius Black to James Potter: look ive been doing some thinking and if u rly want 2 impress evans ur gonna have 2 up ur snogging game

James Potter: what the fuck

Sirius Black: dont argue im the best judge of this

Sirius Black: ur like. ok at kissing but i feel like u could b better

Sirius Black: there’s a kid on andy’s block who does snogging lessons after school his name is frank and hes a 7 maybe 7 and a half if u don’t wear ur glasses

James Potter: what is wrong with u

Sirius Black: u say that like ur not gonna look into it

James Potter: fuck off

-

Peter Pettigrew to the queen does NOT wear a 44DD: Hes just gone in

Peter Pettigrew: Cant believe neither of you came you missed OUT

Remus Lupin: what happened

Peter Pettigrew: He knocked on the door and this bloke came out and like. Objectively and all but he is Fit™

Peter Pettigrew: And he looked prongs up and down and was like

Peter Pettigrew: "I dont usually do boys but christ if you dont look like the saddest git ive ever seen"

Peter Pettigrew: I gave him a thumbs up on the way in

Remus Lupin: cant believe i missed it

Sirius Black: how did u get the tm thing like that

Peter Pettigrew: Copy it and save it as a keyboard shortcut

Sirius Black: ™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™

Peter Pettigrew: Stop

Sirius Black: no™

Remus Lupin: what have you done

-

Sirius Black to James Potter: so its like THAT is it ??????????? my kissing not good enough for you ?????????

James Potter: babe

James Potter: ur my first kiss ull always hold a special spot in my heart

Sirius Black: i need time

James Potter: YOU’RE THE ONE WHO TOLD ME ABOUT LONGBOTTOM IN THE FIRST PLACE YOU TWIT

-

James Potter, Snogging Sensation to i, sirius black, am giving james potter the cold shoulder: he put on careless whisper

Sirius Black: WHAT

Sirius Black changed to group name to i, sirius black, am now only giving james potter the lukewarm shoulder.

James Potter, Snogging Sensation: and hes from saliva CITY hes got nothing on u babe i promise

Sirius Black changed the group name to in light of new information, james potter and i, sirius black, have reconciled.

Remus Lupin changed the group name to Ace Gang.

Sirius Black: buzzkill

-

James Potter to gasolina is a Bad Song: mum’s got a promotion???????

Remus Lupin: tell her congrats

James Potter: it’s back in india though??????????????

Remus Lupin: oh

Sirius Black: you’re not moving are you

James Potter: i honestly don’t know

James Potter: im freaking out

James Potter: come round please

Peter Pettigrew: Holy shit

Peter Pettigrew: Ill pick everyone up

James Potter: they’re ruining my life and they still won’t let me have a party

-

James Potter to Rip in pieces james’ life in england: i have a plan

Remus Lupin: here we go

James Potter changed the group name to don’t message me in that tone of voice lupin.

Sirius Black: whats the plan

James Potter: evans likes cats. i like cats. i have a cat. and if that cat got lost i would be distraught. and if evans knew how upset i was shed help me find him.

Sirius Black: but sir jeremy isnt lost

James Potter: evans doesnt know that OBVIOUSLY

James Potter: honestly sirius sometimes i think youre half boy half turnip

Remus Lupin: jesus christ

James Potter changed the group name to im warning you lupin.

James Potter: i “””lose””” sir jeremy but you lot have him at the park then when u see us coming u let him loose and evans will chase him down and shell feel like a hero and shell get so caught up in the euphoria of the moment that shell kiss me and realise that we’re perfect for each other

Remus Lupin: ur insane

James Potter removed Remus Lupin from the chat.

Peter Pettigrew: You GUYS you KNOW im in english right now

Sirius Black: ffs peter just turn your phone on do not disturb when ur in mcg’s class

Peter Pettigrew: But i always forget to turn it back

-

James Potter to Sirius Black: i went round her shop but she said she was too busy helping her mum

Sirius Black: rip™

-

Lily Evans has sent you a friend request. Accept / Decline

-

Lily Evans to James Potter: begged off work. kno id be devo if i lost lizzy. wher r u?

James Potter: the beach

Lily Evans: be there asap x

-

James Potter to Sirius Black: plans back on

Sirius Black: oh okay

Sirius Black: small prob™ sir jeremy actually got loose

James Potter: she ended her message with an x

James Potter: does this mean she likes me

James Potter: wait WHAT

-

James Potter to Lily Evans: thanks so much for your help on sunday

Lily Evans: it was my pleasure. even if your cat IS mental.

James Potter: im telling him you said that

Lily Evans: noooooooooo

James Potter: so

Lily Evans: ominous.

James Potter: are you glad you moved to eastbourne?

Lily Evans: i guess. it's pretty chill

Lily Evans: have u always lived here?

James Potter: yeah

James Potter: its called gods waiting room

James Potter: because people come here to die

Lily Evans: ur being dramatic.

Lily Evans: i heard eastbournes the new brighton.

James Potter: yeah

James Potter: as if

Lily Evans: idk i like it here. its more peaceful than derby and the beach is soo good for ~song writing inspo~

James Potter: what do you write ur songs abt ?

Lily Evans: idk. life

Lily Evans: the universe

Lily Evans: how reality tv’s brainwashing us

James Potter: wow

Lily Evans: ikr

James Potter: careful, you’re starting to sound like my dad

Lily Evans: i dont mind so much, your dad’s pretty cool.

James Potter: ????

Lily Evans: he comes into the shop a lot.

James Potter: oh my god

James Potter: promise you wont take anything he says about me seriously

Lily Evans: no problem aha

James Potter: what about your dad? does he work in the shop too?

Lily Evans: no, he’s :/

Lily Evans: he died.

James Potter: oh. im so sorry, lily.

Lily Evans: its okay. its why my mum moved us out here and opened up the shop.

Lily Evans: she always wanted one

Lily Evans: eastbourne is such a step back from derby and i like it because it means me and petunia can keep an eye on her you know?

James Potter: i think i understand why you like it here

-

James Potter to evans showed prongs her O face: mum and dad are fighting about india again

Remus Lupin: fuck

Sirius Black: ):

Peter Pettigrew: )):

Sirius Black: stop trying to one up me, pettigrew

-

Frank Longbottom has sent you a friend request. Accept / Decline

-

James Potter to longbottom has the hots for prongs: mum’s just left

James Potter: so thats that then

Peter Pettigrew: Drinks at mine?

James Potter: yeah

-

James Potter to Remus Lupin: will you mention how shit snape is and how good i am when ur on shift with evans today

Remus Lupin: no you sad git i will not

James Potter: remus i LOVE her

James Potter: ill buy you a twix from the vending machine

Remus Lupin: alright

-

Sirius Black changed the group name to twix are grim.

Remus Lupin changed the group name to twix are grim but not as grim as curly wurlys.

Sirius Black: you’ve really hurt me, lupin

Remus Lupin: good.

-

James Potter to Remus Lupin: ???????????

James Potter: ur off shift now did you talk abt me ???????

Remus Lupin: no

Remus Lupin: and i already ate the twix so dont ask for it back

-

Peter Pettigrew to evans thinks snape is a clingy sod #confirmed: Watch out prongs

James Potter: for what

Remus Lupin: for that, i assume

Sirius Black: im in lunch detention what happened

Remus Lupin: longbottom’s making a come on at james

Sirius Black: McYikes

Remus Lupin: “why havent you accepted my friend request?” – longbottom

Remus Lupin: “because were not friends” – james

Sirius Black: james ur gonna get urself decked one day

Sirius Black: so can u stop being a little shit when im not around to watch thanks

James Potter: no promises

-

Remus Lupin to twin peaks season 3 fan theories club: sirius can you link me to that compilation video of diego luna saying he wants to touch jabba the hut

Remus Lupin: i want to show it to lily at work this afternoon

Sirius Black: ya sure

Sirius Black: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGKrc3A6HHM

Remus Lupin: if i follow that link and it isnt to the video i asked for im not going to be your partner for the history assignment

Sirius Black: ………………..

Sirius Black: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDU3PojzaHk

Remus Lupin: thank you

Peter Pettigrew changed the group name to Gasolina is banned from the group playlist.

-

James Potter to Gasolina (INCLUDING all derivative remixes reimaginings and covers) is banned from the group playlist: EVANS LIKES STAR WARS

James Potter: ???!?!?!?!??!!!!!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?

Remus Lupin: james that was three hours ago get with the times

James Potter: but i was at P R A C T I C E

Sirius Black: too bad so sad

-

Remus Lupin to Peter Pettigrew: WHOA

Peter Pettigrew: U watching from chem window?????

Remus Lupin: ya what just happened??????????????????

Peter Pettigrew: Snape tripped up james on the way to goal

Remus Lupin: is he ok??????

Peter Pettigrew: Hes got a bloody nose but hes okay

Remus Lupin: i meant snape

Peter Pettigrew: O na

Peter Pettigrew: I think james is gonna murder him lol

-

Sirius Black to marauding fools quote unquote minnie mcgonagall: mary mcdonald in the year below is having a party tomorrow night n i charmed her into giving us all invites

Sirius Black: well, she invited ME and i guess u lads can come as my collective date

Remus Lupin: im already invited

James Potter: me too

Peter Pettigrew: She invited me three weeks ago

Sirius Black: i got invited after PETTIGREW ????????? who the fuck

Sirius Black: Im Not Going™

Remus Lupin: yes u are

Peter Pettigrew: Yes u are

James Potter: yes u are

Sirius Black: Yes I Am™

-

Peter Pettigrew to Ace Gang: Why did you tell her i lost a SOCK ??????

Remus Lupin changed the group name to kickstarter to find peter’s missing third sock.

James Potter: i had to say SOMETHING

Remus Lupin: james, ever ridiculous under pressure

James Potter: besides, YOU’RE the one who pushed us behind a bush as if she would have thought it was weird that we at SCHOOL

Peter Pettigrew: I panicked

Peter Pettigrew: Lily said she thought snape tripping you was a dick move though  

James Potter: trying to distract me by mentioning evans, huh???

Peter Pettigrew: Is it working

James Potter: i wish i could say no

Remus Lupin: id like to point out lily also said you should go up for the school team

Remus Lupin: so she clearly doesn’t care enough about you to know that you’re already. captain

Sirius Black: lupin stop being a flaky bitch

Sirius Black: thats my job

-

Peter Pettigrew to pres at james’ because its closest to mary’s NOT because its in any way a superior house to any other house accessible 2 the group: Did i just hear ur dad call u a minger

James Potter: if u have 2 ask u already kno the answer

Sirius Black: In Fleamont We Trust™

-

Sirius Black to party boiis: PRONGS IS THAT YOU OUTSIDE WITH FRANK LONGBOTTOM

James Potter: he fucking ambushed me

James Potter: evans didn’t see did she ?????????????????????????

Peter Pettigrew: Nah dont think so

Sirius Black: hes lying she absolutely did

James Potter: fuck this im going home

-

Remus Lupin to Sirius Black: i swear to god if you’re the one who just put on gasolina im blocking you

Sirius Black: (:

Remus Lupin: we arent friends

-

Remus Lupin to James Potter: me and lily are going to the pool this afternoon

Remus Lupin: 2:30pm

Remus Lupin: in case you wanted to coincidentally turn up

James Potter: what so i can aggravate her by drowning snape?

Remus Lupin: snape isnt coming

James Potter: oh. why not?

Remus Lupin: probably afraid of water

James Potter: explains why he never washes

Remus Lupin: lmao

-

James Potter to Sirius Black: me and moony are going to the pool and you’re coming

Sirius Black: as in the public pool????????

James Potter: obvi

Sirius Black: excusez-moi, c’est très grotesque

Sirius Black: im NOT going to the public pool little kids pee in that and the chlorine makes my hair go all frizzy

James Potter: i cant believe you’re abandoning me, your best friend, in his time of greatest need

Sirius Black: and you say IM dramatic

-

Remus Lupin to Ace Gang: what happened after we left yesterday???????

James Potter: idk it was weird

James Potter: we did handstands and she made fun of my pale legs ): then she tried to drown me but in like a ~playful~ way

James Potter: and i told her im not with frank longbottom in any capacity and she said “well that’s good then”

James Potter: and then she kissed me

Sirius Black: SHE KISSED YOU

Sirius Black changed the group name to EVANS KISSED JAMES EVANS KISSED JAMES EVANS KISSED JAMES EVANS ! KISSED ! JAMES !.

Remus Lupin: get in !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Peter Pettigrew: Result omg

James Potter: but then she said she had to go sort some stuff out and that she’d text me

Remus Lupin: oh, james

-

James Potter to Sirius Black: evans should text soon then that’s sorted and we should step up the party plans

James Potter: we’ve got so much left to sort

James Potter: venue, fashion statements, colour scheme

Sirius Black: you should do black and white

James Potter: ! marvy

-

James Potter to Remus Lupin: what does it mean when a girl kisses you and says she’ll text you does it mean she’ll /text you or does it mean she’ll message you on facebook

James Potter: because there’s a big difference

James Potter: remus ???????????????????????????

Remus Lupin: james its 4 in the morning

James Potter: so???????? ur awake arent u ???????????????? what does it mean ??????

James Potter: remus uve kissed the most girls u have to know

James Potter: remus

James Potter: remus please

-

Frank Longbottom has sent you a friend request. Accept / Decline

-

James Potter to Sirius Black: i need a drink

Sirius Black: what happened????

Sirius Black: im omw btw

James Potter: mum called and she wants me and dad to move out to india with her

James Potter: dad doesnt want to go but he also doesnt want to be away from mum any more im freaking out siri i might actually move back to india what the fuck

James Potter: and on top of that longbottom showed up at my house and tried to apologise how did he even get my address

Sirius Black: im here come open the door

-

Alice theLaugh to James Potter: is it tru that ur gay?

James Potter: idk i dont reckon

Alice theLaugh: didnt think u were, lily said u werent

James Potter: really? what did she say ???????????

Alice theLaugh: just that she knows 4 sure u arent

Alice theLaugh: are u going to the stiff dylans gig saturday?

James Potter: not sure yet

-

James Potter to Sirius Black: she kissed me and then left me on read at 3:45

Sirius Black: aw :/

James Potter: shut the fuck up

James Potter: she didn’t even tell me abt her gig in brighton

-

James Potter to james’ wet dream about evans: sirius i cannot believe you told my father about lily evans

Sirius Black: thats not fair

Sirius Black: u kno monty has an uncanny ability to get info out of me

Sirius Black changed James Potter’s nickname to the naff boy who had the sad party that no one went to.

the naff boy who had the sad party that no one went to: stop taking advantage of my vulnerability !

-

Remus Lupin to Everyone sign up for hindi on duolingo out of solidarity to james: watch out lads james has his plan face on

Remus Lupin: brace for impact

Peter Pettigrew: Oh geez

James Potter: fuck off then lupin i wont tell u then

James Potter removed Remus Lupin from the chat.

James Potter: now that we’re alone

James Potter: im gonna make evans jealous

Peter Pettigrew: Im afraid to ask how

James Potter: im going with alice the laugh to the stiff dylans gig

Sirius Black: christ james that’s pretty shitty

Sirius Black: that was lupin

Sirius Black: i say first, what could possibly go wrong

Sirius Black: second, what the fuck is alice the laugh’s real last name

Sirius Black: ive known her for 6 years and i dont know what it is

-

Peter Pettigrew to Friends Of James Potter Support Group: Say aye if ur completely unsurprised to learn i just overheard james respond to alice the laugh telling him he looks good tonight with “thanks, you’re very honest”

Sirius Black: aye

Remus Lupin: aye

Peter Pettigrew: “Alice you make me laugh like a loon on loon tablets”

Sirius Black: #yikes

Sirius Black: i have the shot

Remus Lupin: take it

-

Alice theLaugh to James Potter: i had a great time tonight

James Potter: haha me too

Alice theLaugh: best night of my life x

James Potter: o.k. see you at school on monday

-

Lily Evans to Sirius Black: so ur the one who put on gasolina at mary mcdonald’s party.

Sirius Black: what makes u say that ?

Lily Evans: you shouted “play gasolina” no less than 11 times last night.

Sirius Black: that doesnt sound like me

Sirius Black: are u sure it wasnt lupin ?

Sirius Black: that worldly bastard he sure does love puerto rican music

Lily Evans: i just texted him and he said “im surprised sirius even knows what puerto rico is”.

Sirius Black: fucker

-

Sirius Black to James Potter: oi cheer up

Sirius Black: what are you thinking about?

James Potter: poor alice

James Potter: i keep seeing her face when she tried to kiss me

James Potter: god i feel like such an arse for leading her on

-

James Potter to Alice theLaugh: you okay? you looked pretty upset in maths

Alice theLaugh: hope your plan worked

James Potter: what?

Alice theLaugh: marlene mckinnon overheard black telling lupin that you only went out with me to make lily jealous

Alice theLaugh: you’re a heartless user

Alice theLaugh: what you did, that’s just pants, that is

James Potter: i’m really sorry, alice

Alice theLaugh: i really thought you thought i was a laugh

-

Sirius Black to James Potter: i told you im sorry

Sirius Black: are you really going to ignore me over this

Sirius Black: like for real james pull your head out of your arse for twenty seconds and realise how shitty you’re being

Sirius Black: all your scheming and pretending

Sirius Black: honestly it’s no wonder evans never fucking texted you

James Potter: don’t talk to me again.

-

Lily Evans to James Potter: you’ve really pissed off a lot of people.

Lily Evans: alice is really cut up. she’s my mate, james.

James Potter: i didnt mean to use her.

James Potter: you never texted me when you said you would

Lily Evans: i handled it really badly, i know

Lily Evans: things got messy

Lily Evans: i didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

James Potter: so you were thinking of breaking up with snape and then you were gonna text me?

Lily Evans: lmao what

Lily Evans: severus and i aren’t together.

James Potter: but you hold his hand

Lily Evans: i hold marlene’s had too but that doesnt mean im dating her.

Lily Evans: you know how much he hates you and it makes it hard, james, but yeah, i was gonna text you.

Lily Evans: and then i saw you with alice at my gig and i was gutted.

Lily Evans: but that’s different now.

Lily Evans: i thought YOU were different than that james but you’re not, you’re just some fuck off rich kid who only thinks about himself.

Lily Evans: i think it’s probably best if you don’t message me again.

-

James Potter to Remus Lupin: had a talk with lily. turns out shes not actually with snape.

Remus Lupin: i actually do not care, james. work things out with sirius or fuck off.

-

James Potter to Peter Pettigrew: i think i might have just gotten my mum fired

Peter Pettigrew: Go on, i guess

James Potter: i went to her office and talked to her boss and i think i just made things worse

Peter Pettigrew: Yeah, you’re getting pretty good at that

James Potter: i guess i am, yeah.

James Potter: im cancelling the party and ive told dad i want to move to india

James Potter: if either of the others ask

Peter Pettigrew: I’ll pass it on.

-

James Potter to Lily Evans: hi.

James Potter: i know you didn’t want me to message you again and i don’t blame you for that but i have to say this and then it’s done.

James Potter: what you said really hurt, but you were right. it wasnt me. it was beyond pants, and i really am sorry. i messed everything up with you, and with alice and with sirius and i guess i just got caught up in my own idea of how our lives should be and i got carried away

Lily Evans: i cut all ties with severus last night.

James Potter: oh.

Lily Evans: yeah.

Lily Evans: you know, i wrote a song about you.

James Potter: really?

Lily Evans: its called Bitch In A Uniform.

Lily Evans: i wrote it when i was pissed off with you.

Lily Evans: but i still like you, james. even though you’re mental.

James Potter: no you don’t

Lily Evans: i do.

Lily Evans: i cant stop thinking about you. i was hoping

Lily Evans: maybe

Lily Evans: we can go out?

James Potter: oh, fuck

Lily Evans: ?

James Potter: im moving to india

Lily Evans: what the fuck is wrong with you

Lily Evans: you’re so

Lily Evans: random

James Potter: 100% legit this time.

Lily Evans: that’s a goddamn shame.

Lily Evans: im at the beach if you wanted to come hang out.

-

James Potter to Sirius Black: feels really shitty without you

James Potter: im so so sorry

James Potter: can you ever forgive me?

Sirius Black: ur gonna have to buy me at least 16 curly wurlys

James Potter: its done.

Sirius Black: happy birthday you massive tosser xxx

-

joe to the jonas brothers: operation stun-the-pants-off-james-with-an-amazing-surprise-party is a go

joe changed the group name to Friends Of James Potter Support Group.

nick: oh thank GOD

kevin: I was wondering how long you’d hold out

nick: you’re both so stupid

-

James Potter to prongs is finally legal ;): cant believe all you wankers are busy tonight

James Potter: like i know we were all in a fight but you ALL have plans ????????

James Potter: dad’s taken pity on me and is taking me to a club this is the saddest 18th ever

Remus Lupin: sry fam

Peter Pettigrew: Lol

-

JAMES POTTER’S SUPER SECRET 18TH BIRTHDAY PARTY Private º Hosted by Sirius Black and 2 others.

312 going º 167 maybe 27 March 19:30 – 28 March 8:00

Details james is a prat but hes our best friend so lets all get together and show him that being legal to drink doesnt take away the fun of it !! event will have an open bar courtesy of mr & mrs p

theme is black and white !

only one rule : DONT TELL JAMES ABOUT IT anyone who does will be blacklisted from the party loool good luck telling your grandkids about how you didn’t get to come to the most important party of our generation

-

Peter Pettigrew to Fleamont Potter: The eagle has landed i repeat the eagle has landed

Fleamont Potter: Thanks son :~) Jem’s going to be so excited to see his mum.

Fleamont Potter: We’re up on the balcony by the bar, send her our way :~)

Peter Pettigrew: Will do, sarge

-

Lily Evans: happy birthday xxx hope you like ur present.

James Potter: my present?

James Potter: OH MY GOD

James Potter: YOU WROTE ME A SONG ?!?!?!

James Potter: lily evans i honestly think i love you

-

Marlene McKinnon to Remus Lupin: we can’t hear properly from up the back what did snape just say

Remus Lupin: “james potter is a girl-nabbing letch who can’t keep his slutty minx hands off other peoples’ girlfriends”

Marlene McKinnon: WHAT

Remus Lupin: “you’re just a big fat minging minger with horridious eyesight and the opposite of a haircut”

Remus Lupin: don’t worry, black’s filming the whole thing im sure it’ll be on youtube asap

-

Sirius Black to Ace Gang except all of us are legal™ now: id be lying if i said i remembered anything past monty and effy swing dancing

Remus Lupin: im fairly certain i walked in on frank longbottom and alice the laugh fucking in the mens

Remus Lupin: but i, too, am fuzzy on the details

Peter Pettigrew: I woke up at the lido. No idea how i got there

Remus Lupin: i just found this in my camera roll

Remus Lupin set a photo.

Peter Pettigrew: What the fuck

Remus Lupin: i have no memory of taking this and im glad of that fact because the camerawork here is shameful

James Potter: YOU’RE KIDDING

James Potter: YOU DON’T REMEMBER PETER FINDING A RAT IN THE BINS BEHIND THE CRICKET CLUB

James Potter: AND NAMING IT INIGO MONTOYA

James Potter: PETER YOU STILL HAD IT WHEN I LEFT YOU FOUR HOURS LATER

Peter Pettigrew: I mean that definitely sounds like me

James Potter changed Peter Pettigrew’s nickname to cryptid: ratboii.

cryptid: ratboii: Cheers

cryptid: ratboii: Where did you get to, anyway?

James Potter: me and evans went to the beach

Remus Lupin: cuuuuuute

Sirius Black: and you didnt invite ME

James Potter: sirius you were passed out by 11 o clock

Sirius Black: WHAT

James Potter: yeah, evans poured you a quadruple shot of jager after you played gasolina through your iphone six times in a row

Sirius Black: you convinced me to drink JAGER??????????!?!?!?!??!!!!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!?

James Potter: i told you it was sambuca black and somehow that was okay with you

Sirius Black: wtf™

-

James Potter added a life event. DIDN’T move to India 56 likes

James Potter commented: love reacts only pls

Peter Pettigrew commented: A N G E R Y R E A C T

James Potter replied to Peter Pettigrew’s comment: ???????

-

Peter Pettigrew to James Potter: I did duolingo every day even though ur not actually moving and im not gonna let it go to waste

Peter Pettigrew: बकरी मेरी प्रेमिका है

James Potter: peter you know i. cant read hindi i can only speak it right

Peter Pettigrew: ):

James Potter: i showed mum and she laughed and said it was cute

Peter Pettigrew: (:

-

Sirius Black shared a video to James Potter’s timeline: “Stiff Dylans performance interrupted by GREASY RACIST exclusive”

Lily Evans commented: tag urself im the girlfriend

Remus Lupin commented: im peter in the background trying to get out of the shot but sirius keeps moving so hes still in frame

Sirius Black commented: im prongs’s slutty minx hands

James Potter commented: im the look on snapes face when lily kisses me

Peter Pettigrew commented: Im james drawing attention to the fact he conned lily into kissing him because he thinks weve all somehow missed him telling us every two seconds for the last three days

-

James Potter is in a relationship with Lily Evans. 346 likes

Peter Pettigrew commented: Love react

Sirius Black commented: jealous react

Remus Lupin commented: L O V E R E A C T

[disableddisaster]

ALL

1.Who was the last person you held hands with?

****

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

****4. Are you easy to get along with?

sadie says yes

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

probably

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

women

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

well see which way the gay winds blow

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

erase nb identities COOL !!!!!!!!!!!!! 

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

not rly !!!

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

river says me bitch

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!” to @gaysun

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

paramores entire new album killed me 

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

i dont have hair

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

no

15. What good thing happened this summer?

summer just started!!!!!!

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

......... Yes

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

YES

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

NO gross

19. Do you like bubble baths?

yes!

20. Do you like your neighbors?

i dont know them theyre hermits and theyre old

21. What are you bad habits?

i pick at my skin!!!!!!!!!!!!!

22. Where would you like to travel?

i wanna go back to NYC.............

23. Do you have trust issues?

i thimk so

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

what routine lmfao

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

my *******

26. What do you do when you wake up?

shower

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

this question is DUMB lmao

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my best friend!!!!

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

nope

30. Do you ever want to get married?

eventually

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

i have a buzzcut

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

dude idk

33. Spell your name with your chin.

sdnbhgm,a

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

N o never in my life

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

TV 

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

oh boy YEA

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

nothing.... its silent...............

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

she...... is an angel

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

the thrift store..?

40. What do you want to do after high school?

high school is already done and im not rly doin gwhat i want lol

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

NO LOL

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

that im dead, because i never shut the fuck up

43. Do you smile at strangers?

ITS RUDE NOT TO

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

SPACE

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

my cat

46. What are you paranoid about?

beetles in my bed

47. Have you ever been high?

yes it sucked

48. Have you ever been drunk?

yes its fun

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

yes lol

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

i dont rly like hoodies

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

conceptually?

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

i wish my fibro would go away

53. Favourite makeup brand?

i dont rly wear makeup

54. Favourite store?

the grocery store

55. Favourite blog?

@gaybellaswan

56. Favourite colour?

YELLLOW!!!!!!

57. Favourite food?

coffee  

58. Last thing you ate?

salad

59. First thing you ate this morning?

crispy chicken wrap from tim hortons!!!

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

ive won almost every limbo competition ive ever participated in

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

nope

62. Been arrested? For what?

nope

63. Ever been in love? 

idk

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

it was on my bed in 2014

65. Are you hungry right now?

no

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

that makes no SENSE

67. Facebook or Twitter?

facebook but its still awful

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?

no

70. Names of your bestfriends? 

jenna, sab, emily, river, sadie :-)

71. Craving something? What?

coffee

72. What colour are your towels?

every colour

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

a giant bear, a carrot, a giant whale, and two pillows

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

a giant bear, a carrot, a cow, and a giant whale

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

i have no idea

75. Favourite animal?

CAT CATCATC

76. What colour is your underwear?

its grey

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

vanilla

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

chocolate chip cookie dough

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

grey

80. What colour pants?

black

81. Favourite tv show?

the office

82. Favourite movie?

princess bride

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

ive never seen either

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

21 jump street cuz i actually saw that one

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

dude idk

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

the LIL SQYUID

87. First person you talked to today?

****

88. Last person you talked to today?

im talkin to sadie rn

89. Name a person you hate?

shay.

90. Name a person you love?

JENNA!!!!!

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

cole

92. In a fight with someone?

no

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

one pair 

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

a fuck ton

95. Last movie you watched?

i dont remember it had selena gomez in it tho

96. Favourite actress?

kristen stewart

97. Favourite actor?

men suck

98. Do you tan a lot?

I HHAVE A SUNBURN

99. Have any pets?

4 CATS!

100. How are you feeling?

yelly\

101. Do you type fast?

YES

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

everyone regrets somethimg

103. Can you spell well?

not really 

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

not really

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

one time i went to a bonfire party and got so drunk i lost my shoes

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

idk probably

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

yes!!

108. What should you be doing?

noothing

109. Is something irritating you right now?

gfufu

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

no

111. Do you have trust issues?

yeah

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

****

113. What was your childhood nickname?

shy

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yes!!!

115. Do you play the Wii?

its 2017

116. Are you listening to music right now?

sia!!!

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

only tge real stuff the stuff in those packets is garbage

118. Do you like Chinese food?

doesnt everyone

119. Favourite book?

idk harry potter or somethimg

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

no

121. Are you mean?

i dont think so but mean lesbian is my brand so i guess

122. Is cheating ever okay?

NO the fuck

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

i dont own white shoes for that reason

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

not really??

125. Do you believe in true love?

maybe!!!

126. Are you currently bored?

im answering 150 fyckin questions what do u think

127. What makes you happy?

cats!!!!!!

128. Would you change your name?

literally to Shy

129. What your zodiac sign?

libra

130. Do you like subway?

like the restaurant? yeah

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

i am not friends with a single man

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

still river

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

idk man

134. Can you count to one million?

theoretically

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

idk i cant think of any

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

open so the cats can get in!

137. How tall are you?

4′11

138. Curly or Straight hair?

i have straight hair but curly hair is so pretty

139. Brunette or Blonde?

brunettes 

140. Summer or Winter?

SUMMER

141. Night or Day?

night time

142. Favourite month?

may

143. Are you a vegetarian?

as much as i can be, but im broke and ill eat food

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

dark!!!!!!!!!!!!

145. Tea or Coffee?

COFFEE

146. Was today a good day?

i think so!!

147. Mars or Snickers?

neither tbh

148. What’s your favourite quote?

‘im gay’ - me

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

i dont know!!!

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line

there is not a book anywhere near me tbh