#i started drawing and posting art seriously and frequently for the first time

[loudclan-clangen]

Loudclan - Moon 22: Part 1

Eklutna gives birth to her first litter: a sweet tom, a quiet tom, and an inquisitive tom.

The healers are unable to stop the bleeding. Eklutna dies at 100 moons old. Her kits are unnamed.

[Ooo, cliffhanger! But, then again, is it really? I mean, we all KNOW who the father is. It’s like half of the asks in my inbox. Y’all don’t even need me, heck, I could go on vacation for a month and just leave you guys to it! All jokes, of course, I LOVE all of the speculating and guessing you guys have been doing, and the only reason I haven’t been replying to it is that some of you guys are TOO GOOD (like, I had to double check that I hadn't accidentally leaked my own notes document good). In all seriousness though, I am going to be taking a break! I am still absolutely enjoying doing this and plan to continue for as long as you guys will stick around, but in order to stay in that positive headspace I have to take time off occasionally. Don’t worry, I won’t be gone! I’ll still be receiving and answering asks/fan art/messages it will just be slowed significantly. I’ll also be working behind the scenes to put together something special for you guys as a reward for being patient with my little vacation (Keep an eye out for a poll regarding this)! Oh, and if you have any suggestions/requests for how the blog could be better organized now is the perfect time to send those in. Anyway, this is all to say “Moon 22 Part 2 Oh No! The Consequences of my Actions!” is coming early July!]

Real talk though, apart from the announcement I just want to say how awesome you guys are. The community here has healed my heart in so many ways and I can’t wait for my own break to be over so that I can keep giving you guys pieces of this story to enjoy! While I’m gone please consider checking out other Clangen blogs on here! My personal favorites are @fallenclan the first blog I ever came across and very long running so it has lots to binge read, @jungleclan / @circus-clangen I’m like 99% sure they’re run by the same person but now that I’m typing it I’m second guessing myself, they’re also on break rn which means it is the perfect time to get caught up and ready for the next puzzle, @nettleclanstale who posts so frequently I am pretty sure they’re a wizard who pulls art straight out of their brain a instead of drawing it, and @crowclan-gen run by an irl friend of mine who’s just getting started out!

First Moon

Next Moon

[pass1onepr1ncess]

JJBA Binary Stars: JuJou

(If you saw me repost this, no you didn't, I made some minor changes and additions and wanted make a better first post!)

I've been working on a Jojo Fan Part for quite some time now and I'm finally starting to get around to drawing the characters so that I can introduce them and talk about theProject!!! Also, if you follow my lovely partner @xxbattiepupxx you've probably seen him drawing one of the stand users for said fan part!!! ;)

In any case, the part is called Jojo's Bizarre Adventure: Binary Stars and it takes place in the post-reset universe along side Steel Ball Run, Jojolion, and Jojolands! In terms of setting, Binary Stars takes place after the events of Jojolion and before Jojolands! Though Binary Stars starts off in Japan, it's in Okinawa instead of Morioh!

Jumi Joumae (Otherwise known as JuJou) is our protagonist Jojo! She has a twin sister named Jien who I'll talk about more in a following post. but the focus is on Jumi! My biggest inspiration for starting Binary Stars is that I really like how Golden Wind was heavily inspired by Y2K fashion, so I wanted to make a fan part that incorporates characters that are each based on/affiliated with a different genre of alternative fashion!

Now, without further ado, allow me to introduce JuJou and IT GIRL!

Jumi Joumae (Jujou)

Role: Protagonist/Jojo Age: 21 Pronouns: She/Her (Cis Girl) Fashion Style: Kogyaru

Jumi is a Kogal who, despite having graduated High School, continues to dress in kogal style into her early adulthood. She's very ambitious, and though her dreams of stardom and fame are far-fetched she takes them very seriously and won't let anyone talk her down from it. In fact, she's extremely protective of this dream. Anyone who makes fun of her or tries to tell her that her goals are unrealistic will discover that she can be quite confrontational. She remembers everyone who's ever laughed at her dream and holds grudges, frequently using her stand to cause trouble and mischief for them as well as just being plain petty in her interactions with them. Personality-wise, she's sort of like a fusion of Giorno and Josuke. Jumi is currently enrolled in a local college in Nagasaki for her General Studies Degree, but she has her sights set on a performing arts school in Tokyo. 

Jumi’s stand first appeared when she was around 13 years old. She’s never told anyone about it other than Jien, who of course didn’t believe her at first. It took about 3 months, but Jumi had finally gotten Jien to believe her about the “Pretty ghost lady” that lets her turn things into diamonds.Jien was never able to see IT GIRL since Jien hadn’t yet developed her own stand.

- Japanese (Has the littlest bit of White blood from Johnny but that’s a good few generations up the tree) - Younger twin to Jien by 30 minutes - Great-Great-Grandaughter of Johnny Joestar (Daughters of one of his unnamed descendants), Distant cousin to Jodio Joestar and Josuke "Gappy "Higashikata - Visually Inspired by Red Beryl (Houseki no Kuni), Clover (Zero Escape 999), and Yumemi Yumemite (Kakegurui) - Personality Inspired by Saki Tenma (Project Sekai) and Junko Enoshima (Danganronpa)

IT GIRL

Stand Name: IT GIRL Namesake: IT GIRL - Aliyah’s Interlude Ability:

Anything Jumi or IT GIRL touches turns into hardened diamond. Jumi can choose the color of said diamond, and if she deactivates her stand or if the target leaves her range, the diamond will revert back to what it was before. IT GIRL’s range is 5 meters (15 feet) in which her stand can not exit that range. IT GIRL's diamonds are neither flexible nor breakable.

In terms of stands being an extension of the user’s soul, IT GIRL represents how Jumi is casual, friendly, and laidback most of the time but how she toughens and shines under pressure and scrutiny. While diamonds can be pretty and shine like a star, they also have a sharp edge- like Jumi. 

While Jumi is more aligned with Kogal, IT GIRL is more aligned with the more dramatic Yamanba style of Gyaru.

And there's Jumi!! Next up is Jien, so I hope people will look forward to that!! I've been working on this fan part for a quite a bit now and have made not only main Jojo, Antag, and Jobros but also many minor stand users!!! I'm excited to finally start telling my story!!!! >w<

When I add more characters and such, I'll tag each post about this project with #Jojo Binary Stars so look out for that if you wanna know more!!!!!!

[the-shy-wolf]

I’ll be posting this to Twitter tomorrow, but since I’m more active here, I’ll go ahead and post. To everyone who has supported me up to this point, I appreciate everything, more than you will ever know. Despite my claims of being an ‘edgelord’, I think it’s no secret that that’s absolutely not the case. I’m an incredibly sensitive person. So sensitive, in fact, that I’m easily stressed when it comes to certain things. I’ve been having to take frequent breaks from the internet due to my extreme levels of anxiety. My anxiety has been so bad, I now have seizures due to my stress levels being so high. Don’t worry, I am working with a therapist and psychologist with this, and with therapy and appropriate medication, I can beat it.

With that being said, I’m sorry to say I’m stepping away from the Deltarune fandom. I’m sad and extremely conflicted about it, because it was Deltarune that helped me make so many friends and meet so many people. This is my first time having a place in fandom, I was briefly involved in the Adventure Time fandom, but that was years ago and it was a brief thing. I’ve never had this many eyes on me, and it’s overwhelming. My time and the emotional investment I’ve been putting into fandom/art has felt like a second job, and I’m not okay with that. I originally started posting art, because I was inspired. It’s also helped me cope with the loss of my brother. But it’s no longer a coping method, it feels more like a chore and it no longer brings me happiness. I’ve been harassed by anon hate/criticisms mercilessly, and it’s taken a toll on me. I’m 30 years old, and if I have not developed a thick skin now, it’s safe to say I never will. Which is another thing I want to bring up: I no longer want to draw ship art of Deltarune characters, and that includes Kris and Susie. I’m tired of the shipping discourse/hate, and to be honest, I don’t want to only be known for shipping characters from a game. I think it’s made people not take me seriously as an artist at all, and it’s no longer enjoyable. I started shipping the characters because they both reminded me of my partner and I, but now, it’s all anyone ever relates my work to, and that includes oc’s. It’s frustrating. I’m a short, brown headed enby. Bram is a big freckled long haired dude. My ocs look like us. Please stop mixing the two- it ain’t that deep.

I’m sorry if this came out of the blue, but after receiving my diagnosis yesterday, I need to cut back on my stress levels, and a lot of that stress stems from fandom. Will I draw DR in the future? Maybe. Especially once new content is dropped. Idk if it will be shipping, but it’ll be something. I will, of course, continue to support all of my art friends. You’ve been nothing but kind and supportive of me, and despite my absence, I care very, very much. So much, in fact, I isolate myself from everyone because I don’t feel worthy to associate or even share my art. I know that’s a shitty excuse, but it’s true. There is a voice in my head that keeps telling me I’m not worthy to even associate. If this disappoints my friends/supporters, I’m so very sorry. It’s how my brain has always worked.

I also want to apologize for leaving my other sm accounts. I was not trying to worry or cause panic. I don’t think too many people even noticed, which is good. It’s not the first time I’ve deactivated. My hands get busy and sometimes deactivating and stepping away is a good reset button for me. But I wanted to throw all of this out there. I’m sorry if this is disappointing or upsetting, but I want to be honest. About all of it.

Thank you for reading, again- I’m so sorry. I’ll probably reactivate and post this message to Twitter tomorrow.

[giddlygoat]

some of my thoughts on drawing, learning the accordion, and how they apply to each other.

i have been drawing my whole life. the last time i can remember feeling genuinely ashamed of my artistic skills was when i was probably 12. at some point i was able to look at my art and realize it wasn’t anywhere near perfect, and i became okay with that. nowadays, i have no anxiety about posting my art or leaving a piece with flaws, because i like my style and i’m comfortable enough in my skills and the knowledge that there will always be room for improvement to allow myself to simply enjoy what i create.

i have always been fascinated by the accordion. around age 11 i started considering learning to play it. by 13 i saw one at an antique store and seriously considering buying it for a long time, but did not. as the years go on i find that artistic burnout is becoming more of a frequent issue with me, and i often find myself desperately wishing i had a gratifying way of expressing myself other than drawing.

i’m always humming, and doing the mouth trumpet, and clicking and clapping out tunes all day. singing and scatting are some of my favorite pastimes. i can do all this but it’s not the same as playing an instrument. i feel like it can never quite extend past my fingertips; like i’m cranking out all this energy and excitement but it can’t go anywhere. it’s like not being able to get past the sketch when you have a whole painting inside you.

about three months ago, i finally picked up the accordion. i don’t know how to read music. my understanding of the technical side of music is pathetic, although i have a good natural sense for it, and now, a good teacher. i am scared.

i have all the usual beginner issues: my hands don’t know where to go, i’m not used to the weight of the instrument, and it feels alien in a way, just to name a few.

there’s another problem, too. i’m good at drawing.

everywhere i go, i see things i want to paint. i’m taking pictures of the pickled jalapeños and carrots at work because i want to study how they interact with the opaque black plastic container, all little dynamic shapes of green and orange swimming in vinegar. i’m watching a cat stretch and yawn on the concrete and lay down in a sunbeam that looks too heavenly to be real - it gives me an idea for a sketch.

i look at the arms of the man loading hay bales with me, and try to commit to memory how the muscles move under the skin, what foot he puts his weight on, how he wipes his forehead and shifts his weight. it makes me want to draw pages of people doing mundane things, studying how weight and action and stylization works together to create something satisfying and alive. i want to do the beauty of the universe justice.

when i open procreate to draw, i am not thinking of anything. my hands know where to go, i don’t even have to look at the buttons or tools to know what i’m doing, and all these complicated layers interacting with each other and their applied effects and backgrounds etc come like second nature to me now.

the first day i used procreate, i was so overwhelmed, i was afraid to touch anything.

the first day i held an accordion, it was the same.

my problem is that i know how to look at art and examine why techniques work or not, and i don’t quite have those skills when it comes to music. sure, i can slap beautiful harmony onto any song, but heck if i know what notes they are. i couldn’t tell you what key the song is in or what defines a measure.

and i realized that while now i am looking through this frosted glass trying to make out the basic shapes behind it, one day, i will be able to peel back the mystery and truly understand not only how this instrument functions, but how music flows, too. because i see art in everything. i understand the weight of people and objects and how they would interact in a cartoon. the colors of a blooming cactus in my yard become lemony saturated in the early light and pale and dusty in the late evening. i can see the line of action in characters and better understand the composition behind paintings, and why it works.

it’s my hope, that as time spent with my accordion goes on, i will start to see music in everything, too. there’s nothing i want more than to understand it and speak its language as i do with art. i want to someday pick up my accordion and make up a melody as i would sketch out a doodle. this is the kind of stuff i think about all day.

[fairydares]

Not to be an insufferable self-proclaimed "fandom elder", but it's funny returning to the Fairy Tail fandom now having first started watching the show in (I think?) 2014. The Tumblr porn ban seriously did like an incalculable amount of damage to this fandom. rboz--an artist whose art many current fans frequently mistake for canon and who Mashima himself has praised and frequently retweeted--got deleted. (so i was wrong about this! rboz largely left the fandom because of the art reposting, which...is depressing, but does not surprise me. however, i think rboz would have been taken down anyway because a lot of their art was straight smut). This, to me, epitomizes what the porn ban did to this fandom.

A lot of the discussions I read about Fairy Tail are good, but also sort of funny to see because almost all of this is ground which has been so extensively covered and discussed by thousands of fans who were deleted or left. I'll search the "nalu" tag and see a ton of people debating whether or not Natsu has romantic feelings for Lucy or knows he has romantic feelings for Lucy, and all I can think of are those deep-diving painstaking analysis posts on their relationship, drawing on quotes from Mashima himself. Around the time Phoenix Princess came out, he explicitly said that Natsu loved Lucy, but didn't believe Lucy felt the same and so kept it to himself.

Idk. I don't mean to be an obnoxious "fandom elder" as I've already said, but I can't help mourning what was taken from us sometimes. If I can find any of the posts I'm talking about I'll reblog this and add them.

[godbirdart]

first off, i just want to say that i love your art, you are a huge inspiration to me and i love how expressive your characters are! would you have any tips for someone trying to grow a following from their art? specifically within the furry community ideally. im just not sure where to start

i hope youre having a great day!

thank you so much!!

okay i gotta preface this with: i have been doing commissions for over a decade. everything i say here i've been doing since roughly 2014, but my career as an artist didn't really Take Off and become reliable until 2019. success isn't immediate. some artists will grow faster or slower than others, not every tactic is going to apply / work for every artist; and that's okay. just keep pushing yourself and adapting and figuring out what works for You!

i’m putting this under a readmore as it got a bit long. every time someone asks me for advice on professional Anything i always write up a five page essay despite trying to bulletpoint it oof

post on multiple platforms and keep them all updated. i’m putting this one in bold because it is possibly the Most Important thing. we’re all watching twitter sinking over there, and many of my mutuals there were floundering because they hadn’t established themselves on any other social media site. i strongly recommend three or four socials minimum. my main four sites are tumblr, deviantart, twitter and toyhouse. furaffinity is also good. inkblot and artfol are new and i use them frequently as well. if you don’t like posting manually to every site each and every time you post art, Postybirb exists and is what i use to crosspost all my art to most of my socials at once.

avoid venting a lot on main. we all have frustrating days where our art isn’t getting the recognition we hoped, or we’re feeling petty about a controversial topic or the latest drama. it happens! it’s okay! however, many people just don’t like seeing dozens of negative posts on their feed. most people will sympathize, but if your negative vents are constantly clogging their dashboard they’re not gonna stick around.

shamelessly self promote yourself. reblog your own art. retweet it again. repost it. mention your other socials. we live in a world of timezones! when you post art, only a fraction of your audience is going to see it. i recommend reblogging / retweeting one to four individual pieces periodically over the course of a day and change it up each day. you can also repost your own work into photosets and title it “recent commissions” or the something like that.

don’t hide your linktrees and carrds. seriously! the amount of times on twitter i went to try and follow someone on another platform only to find they had no carrd or linktree link,, it is infuriating. put your socials link in your bio or pinned or SOMEWHERE readily at the top of your profile that’s easy to spot.

if you’re offering commissions, make a telegram channel or discord server for your announcements / openings.

post regularly. this one is a lot harder for artists that don’t make a lot of content, but posting even a status update once or twice a day can go a long way - especially if you’re on twitter with that platform’s hideous algorithm. alternatively as i said earlier, just retweet/reblog your work a few times a day and you should be good.

art trends are cool and fun and an easy way to get your work seen by others. see a “draw your sona in this outfit” meme? go, have fun with it. this one’s a bit tricky as timing is everything when it comes to ~trending~ content, so try and draw quick. that said, it’s never outdated to drawover reaction memes with your fursona.

try not to clog your socials with memes and shitposty images. this one is directed at twitter specifically. with twitter moments now gone, your media tab is the last way for people to hope to find your work organically on your profile without having to use the twitter search. they can’t get invested in your work if they can’t find it!

it’s okay to change course if you’re not vibing with where you’re headed. if you want to move onto a new aesthetic - that’s fine! you may lose some followers if they don’t click with your new vibe, but you’ll inevitably gain some new ones.

avoid frequent name changes. so many of the artists i follow have changed their brands / urls over the years that i don’t recognize them anymore.

tag your work properly. on tumblr, the first five tags on the original post are the tags your work will pop up in in the search feature. make those first five tags the Most important ones; example: #furry, #anthro, #art #fursona etc. twitter’s algo seems flip-flop if it likes tags or hates them. if you see a tag trending, repost your art in a photoset with the hashtag in the post [example: if #pokemon is trending, repost some of your pokemon fanart with the hashtag in the post body]. if the tag isn’t trending,,, i’ll be honest it’s a gamble if twitter likes your post or not at that point. i have no advice for that hell algorithm.

hosting raffles or doing a mini art request event [example: “leave a ref and i might draw your oc”] is good for traction while simultaneously giving back to the community + your audience a little!

try and reply to / like comments on your work. it’s not required per se, but it’s good to express gratitude.

engage with other members of the community. comment on other peoples work. like it. retweet it. follow other people. obviously don’t be disingenuous about it, but this is what the professionals call ~networking~

don’t compare yourself to others. this one is one you have got to keep in mind constantly. you’re going to find 17 year olds with huge followings and 30 year olds that are doing professional industry work whose level feels alien and almost out of reach. if you’re not doing as well, don’t let yourself get discouraged. we all gotta start somewhere!

related to the above point: be nice to your followers. venting on main about not having the same audience volume as others can come off as a huge middle finger to the audience you already have.

gaining a following takes time. unless you get a really lucky break, it’s going to take a lot of work and self promotion to build up your brand.

slap your name on everything. i mean it. any art you do - sign it. watermark it. people can and will share art in telegram channels and discord servers, and if the art interests someone they can easily source it back to you if your name is on it.

you can buy adspace. if you’re catering to a furry audience specifically, you can buy adspace on furaffinity pretty easily. inkblot i believe also offers adspace for artists though i haven’t looked too deep into it. this is really a “if you’re okay burning money” situation, as the huge chunkk of internet users have adblockers now and it’s a gamble if people will see or even click on your ad.

just have fun and do your own thing. you can hop on trends and draw art that caters to your audience’s tastes, but don’t forget to draw what YOU want and what YOU’RE about. Draw what makes YOU happy.

hope these help!! ;w;

[xdibstinkx]

Okay so me and my fiancée have had our own Invader Zim AU going for 3 years now, it's a mix of our OCS and canon characters but a lot of their personalities we have changed to make them unique to our universe and our world! We call it the RoseGold universe

My fiancée doesn't have a Tumblr but she's been desperate to post our characters and stories somewheres so we're gonna make her one tonight! For now I'll post some OC intros and some basic lore

Our AU can be NSFW and 18+ sometimes, but I will always give a warning and tag the post properly. The 18+ moments are all mostly lore based

CW FOR BLOOD, MENTIONS OF SELF HARM (not detailed)

Almighty Tallest Golden

Belonging to my amazing fiancée Holly, she is the Irken ruler in our AU

She is a defective Irken with semi-rare genetics like fluffy antennas and almost blindingly bright yellow eyes

Fashionista! She loves to design her own dresses and clothes

She's soft and gentle, but can be very murderous and revenge hungry. Low-key a dictator but a sweet dictator

During her elite training, she met Miyuki. The two started a secret love affair; they would sneak out of their bases in the middle of the night and go to degenerate space clubs

Miyuki became a Tallest before Golden, she had vowed to Golden that they would be the first gay irkens to rule Irk together and prove that their race doesn't need to be all about destroying planets and training young smeets to be killers

Red and Purple were like um nope lol and had planned for Miyuki's death so they would become Tallest before Golden

In the AU Red and Purple don't die from the Florpus, but end up being demoted and banished from the Irken Armada, so Golden becomes Tallest

Has an appointment therapist, Tenn, who has an unhealthy and unprofessional love for Golden but Golden only sees them as really close work friends

Here's some art I've made of Golden! Also the bottom two are commission pieces by zimdial on Instagram!

Royal Scientist Roze

Belonging to me, Roze is Golden's lover and the Royal Scientist!

She is also a defective Irken, she has emotional outbursts frequently and has a history of self harm (due to the trauma of being an invader + bad past relationship)

She's quiet and keeps to herself, awkward and bitchy, but behind closed doors she is the sweetest kittem

Very work oriented, takes her job very seriously as it took her forever to work her way up in the hierarchy

Her and Golden first fell in love while waiting on an emergency waiting room on the Armada together. Roze was training to be a scientist and Golden was still in elite training, this was during Golden and Miyukis relationship but they didn't exchange words until years later

Roze previously was engaged to her lab partner, Lilac. Their relationship was sloppy and not healthy, but they had to keep their lives a secret. They ended in flames, and later Roze gets her revenge on Lilac

Wasn't promoted to Royal Scientist until after Golden had come into power. Roze was assigned to give weekly debriefs on research and potential biological and chemical breakthroughs + hazards. They were always messy, Roze became so nervous from Golden's soft yet glaring eyes

Their relationship started one day in Golden's secret greenhouse. She grew all sorts of space flowers from all over the galaxy, and had invited Roze there for a 'research meeting'. Roze felt like she was going to be killed, until Golden leaned all the way down into her and admitted to how much she respects Roze. She asked her out on a date, same time same location in a few days

Because Tenn is an appointment therapist for the Almighty Tallest, she was also appointed to the Royal Scientist. Tenn developed an unhealthy and unprofessional relationship with Roze as well, but Roze didn't reciprocate and never actually liked her.

Some Roze art I've made! I don't draw her a lot, but I should

Here's just some RozeGold stuff :)

[soliyl]

im going to be closing my comms indefinitely

in the past year, ive drawn about five times (forgot to post them here lol, i will tomorrow). this isn’t super uncommon, ive been pretty bad about drawing consistently for awhile now. i think a big part of the problem is the fact that ive had comms open. i first opened them in 2016 (jfc) and ive steadily drawn less and less frequently since then.

even though literally no one ever commed me (besides a couple friends, and in 7 years... sheesh), just having them open put me in this mindset toward my art. it had to be “marketable.” it had to be good enough for someone to see and say “i want to spend money and get something similar.” i haven’t drawn something just to draw in a really long time. everything i make, it has to be to a certain standard. it has to be worth something.

it stopped being fun. i stopped drawing for fun.

im like, in desperate need of money, too. im in a really bad spot in my life and doing comms for some cash would be great. but when i think about it, i don’t even want to do comms. if someone genuinely tried to commission me rn i would not enjoy it, even if their request is fine. i hate the idea of forcing myself to monetize what used to be a hobby. i hate the idea of anxiously working on it and being unsure if im making it worth the customer’s dollar. i seriously just want to like art again. i want to sketch again, fuck’s sake. i literally don’t sketch anymore, i try to make a polished product right away every time.

the decline in art frequency became more steep when i started posting on twitter, too. posting on multiple platforms, desperately trying to get attention. spending hours and hours on each piece and only getting a few likes here and there. disappointed the algorithm didn’t favor me, disappointed in my art for not being good enough to catch the appreciation i craved.

im going to go back to using tumblr as an archive for my art. i’ll keep tossing it up on twitter, too, just because i participate in xiv art parties sometimes. but im done trying to market myself. i don’t want to claw my way past other people all screaming “look at me!” and also be saying “please look at me.” from now on im just going to draw when i feel like it. if it sucks, that’s fine, who cares? im not trying to sell myself anymore.

[grunesdragon]

"But Grune, if you need cash, why are your comms closed to do personal works?"

(context: current commissions status as updated on twt)

Because if I don't start taking care of myself by doing art for fun/for myself, I am going to lose my ability to make art at all & probably lose my sanity along with it, after 9 years of constant validation seeking.

A blog post about the state of it all.

I've had a serious interest in the art commission business since 2014 - indeed, the very first advertising post I can find is from when I was 17. Around that time was when I started doing art (mainly digital) much more frequently and when I really started getting starry eyes for the art commissions community. People could draw beautiful things and get paid decent money for it. That was what I wanted, I decided. If I'm only decent at/interested in one thing, it's getting paid to draw shit. (this was my best in 2014, btw)

I wanted to be like all the popular online artists at the time; opening commissions and having them close after not too long, tabling at conventions, making cool and memorable pieces that would do numbers and circulate and get tagged as fav/inspo and so on. (Of course I couldn't have anticipated the cost of being that person, at the time, but that's beside the point almost.)

Even at the time of roughly age 18, I was self aware enough to have the sense that "this is what I want to do" was a cover up for "I have no other marketable skills, interests, or talents, & this really seems like my only option for growth". It was even to the point that, when I was falling behind in high school and they wouldn't work with me to give me the little wiggle room I needed to stay (despite it being a very friendly special place with a small student body) - instead of being straight up with everyone around me that I was failing, I framed it as "I'm going to skip graduating high school and start trying to get straight into art school." Which was obviously a lie to myself from the start. Didn't happen. But if I was going to drop out of high school in junior year from basically exhaustion, that was the only available narrative for potential success.

It's always been my only available narrative for potential success. I can kinda draw OK. That's all I have. There's nothing else here. (at least, nothing that's worthy in this capitalist autocracy.)

So what choice have I had, but to keep milking that for all the effort I have? (which is not that much effort; I don't have much energy.) So it's been this way, since 2014. Keep advertising and hoping. Keep making pieces with the intent to impress people & gain a following. It'll be a decade of my life of doing this as of next summer.

I started my Redbubble shop which now nets me maybe $20 every two months if I'm lucky, I tried to run an Etsy which was almost a complete bust, I tried to start a comic and other major projects - several, really - that I never had the ability to follow through on. I've tried tabling twice and barely made back expenses both times. I tried to run a Patreon, which I then closed because I couldn't generate enough content to make good on my promises to backers. (Funnily enough, I tried again and failed again exactly the same way just this year.)

And I've followed the art community around to different websites, searching for the place that would finally kick off for me. That was when the great Twitter meltdown happened. I'd migrated there after people bailed from Tumblr en masse, and finally gotten a cute little foothold, only for that platform to fail, too.

So that was when I burned out for a good several months. It wasn't just burnout, though; and it wasn't just the loss of the second major construction of "grunesdragon" as a Thing. (which is a big deal on its own.)

It was also, as it turns out, two major points; - My attitude towards creative endeavors is seriously damaged, and my mental health along with it, due to the validation seeking cycle - This has been a failure. This has all been a failure.

(and all of the emotional fallout those two statements entail, believe me.)

Before getting too concerned or getting up in arms, I know it is not a complete loss! The drive to do/make something impressive has leveled up my art, whereas if I were only concerned with having fun I might not have ever tried so hard. I've made my best friends & current partner by joining communities in a bid for support & recognition. There's a small club of people who care about what I make who I'm really touched by, and I have a few regular clients, these days, finally. These are all wonderful things that I am grateful for!

But - almost 10 years later, I'm failing to sell any art dolls, I straight up can't run an Etsy, my only ventures in tabling have been a waste of time, and what I make from the commissions I do get (that I'm very happy to do); - $0 in an unlucky month - $40 in a lucky month - $80-100 on a really really lucky month

And I'm teetering on burnout making that much, by month. So... I really don't think it's inaccurate to call this whole "Art commissions are the one thing I'm able to do for myself and my future!" thing, unfortunately, a failure.

And it unfortunately still remains true that I don't really have anything else. All this time, that was the only thing I was spending my limited energy on. I have a GED and no job skills and almost no employment experience at all. - while I really shouldn't blame anyone but myself for all of this, it really did not help that my family situation precluded me from getting anywhere in school. I missed a lot of years of school, and when I was going, I wasn't learning all that much because I was trying to, shall we say, meet some unmet needs lower down on maslow's hierarchy. (but I still had a lot going for me, compared to others' worse stories. which is why I can name this as something contributing to my failure of a life so far but can't heavily lay any blame. people have come from way more nothing and ended up way cooler and smarter and better than I!)

So I don't really know what comes next for me. Literally, the gas station down the road doesn't want me. Certain circumstances (mainly: too anxious to drive) make any employment extremely hard to obtain. but that's its own thing.

This is not the end of grunesdragon art! If anything, this is a metamorphosis. An itchy, sometimes miserable, often mentally unstable, but ultimately at the end, hopeful change.

Facing this failure state has allowed me to finally tackle what I could get away with all these years - that my attitude towards my creative works has gotten really, really bad* and I need to start spending time making art for fun, for me, for the enjoyment of it. and maybe someone out there might feel me on those works.

(*see: everything i make has to improve my portfolio, everything i make has to appeal to some sort of audience, it has to be good enough to do numbers, it can't be personal/cringy, self indulgent content is embarrassing, content has to be as perfect as i can make it, i can only be as proud of something as how well it does online... constantly refreshing to check numbers and getting depressed when something doesn't hit...)

And, if I give up on the idea that's always been an unrealistic coping mechanism - that I can "make it" and do an OK job of supporting myself this way - I can do commissions because I want to, not because my "success as a person" is dependent on doing so. I still need money, and I still want to work with clients!

But giving up on goals that are out of my reach turns out to be one of the healthier things I can do at this point.

Does this feel like shit? Fuck yes; despite the positive takeaways there's no way to approach "everything I've been working towards has been me lying to myself, and having hopes far too high for my potential, and now I don't know what I'll do in life" without crying several times.

And I fully acknowledge the fact that I'm able to give up is a privilege. I'm fortunate to have a partner who works hard all day to take care of us both, and a loving family I can fall back on in a worst case scenario. I'm one of the lucky ones. I hope I can help the less lucky (& often way more deserving) ones in some small way.

(being an online artist has always been a, uh, less than assured market, even back in 2014; it sucks now more than ever, i think.)

I don't know where I'm going, I don't quite know how to bury the past 9 years of my life, I don't know what to do with myself, and my value as a person and sense of Self is extremely tenuous at the moment. But

I wouldn't be living in the country with someone I adore very much if I hadn't tried to go this path. I wouldn't know the people who inspire me most. I'd be so much worse off. I did gain something!

"Grune Grunesdragon" is not 100% OK by any means. She is going through it. But it'll be better from now on.

Anyway, I'll reopen commissions when I damn well feel like it. lmao

Thank you to my friends & everyone who has had the kindness to care about what I make! I owe you everything for your kind words and support! This is not the end!

[goddess-in-heaven-and-hell]

Dawn Café (Gwynriel One Shot)

Hi, I’m essentially new on here and thought I would post some of my writing. This is also already posted in a Gwynriel collection on AO3. I just thought the acotar community here is a bit bigger :) 

This one shot was inspired by a promt - about Gwyn being a barista and wooing Azriel by drawing latte art that someone suggested I write a little story about on AO3. So, a modern AU with our favourites. 

Warnings: this is definitely mature/NSFW/18+ with explicit smut and swearing 

-----

“What?? What do you mean Aelin is too good for him? I think they are perfect for each other!”, Gwyn nearly chocked on her take-away, she was so enraged. Her favorite ship was being dragged through the mud, and she wasn’t having any of it.

“Love, it’s obvious. Did you hear him talk to this Bryce girl? He was way too patronizing. If I would have done that to you when we started dating, you’d have had my balls.”, Azriel explained matter of fact, gesturing to the TV with his fork in hand.

He was really hot when he got into his debate mode, his sharp mind was the first (okay, maybe second) thing that Gwyn found so irresistible about him. Even when that sharp mind was currently debating the newest episode of “Love Island” with her.

“Don’t pretend you haven’t been guilty of that before. Cut this guy some slack, he had such a hard breakup with the brunette. I’d argue he is just misunderstood and needs a strong hand to guide him.”, Gwyn would not leave her ship. She was the proud captain.

“What he needs is a strong kick in the ass. She should go with the blond guy, what’s his name?”, Azriel rubbed the bridge of his nose, trying to remember, before blurting out, “Rowan!”.

Gwyn couldn’t help the giggle making its way up to her mouth. She would have never guessed that her broody, serious boyfriend, who profusely tried to resist watching Gwyn’s reality TV shows with her a few months ago, would end up the biggest fan. He seriously beat her to the TV every night the show was on, without fail.

“Fine, whatever.”, she decided to be nice tonight and give in to his ridiculous opinion. She would prove him right anyway next week. Finishing up her udon noodles, she threw the take away container back into its bag. That was her favorite thing about ordering in – the lack of dishes. Azriel hasn’t finished yet, but she wasn’t one bit surprised about that. He had ordered three different main courses and was currently munching himself through the second. That might have been the only downside to living with him: the increased food bills. But the past months proved he was very capable of making up for that in more than one way.

Gwyn leisurely stretched her arms and slouched back on the couch, ever so thankful for her baggy sweat pants. She continued to watch the show for a little while, eyes occasionally drifting to her boyfriend to find him working his way through the food. By the looks of it, he would actually finish, no left overs to be eaten the next day. That made Gwyn reach out her hand to rest on his knee and draw little circles there with her thumb.

Given his eating habit tonight, he must have had the worst day at work. Sometimes, his boss’s demands get so frequent and stressful that he literally finds no time to eat. His perfectionism and work ethic don’t really help with that either.

The jingle of a commercial break interrupted her thoughts. Azriel, sinking the very last spoonful of food into his mouth, let out a satisfying groan. He chewed, eyes closed as if to savor the taste one last time, with his hands meeting behind his head, his impressive biceps flexing in the process.

It was so unfair. How he looked like straight from a runway in his baggy grey sweats and black shirt, while Gwyn looked like a slob. Even though he would probably disagree with that, scold her for saying bad things about herself and then show her exactly how beautiful she looked to him. That kind of made her consider saying it out loud. But maybe not yet, as her food baby needed to settle before she considered anything close to being thrown around in a bed.

Azriel stood, the delivery bag in hand, to make his way to the spacious kitchen attached to the living room. The flat Gwyn and Az shared was previously Az’s alone. He works a demanding, but well-paying job which brought him a fantastic apartment with only little spare time to enjoy it. Which is why Gwyn cherished these little moments and every date night she got to spend with him.

Azriel returned to the couch, two glasses of wine in his hands, and carefully sat down next to her. A little closer than before, Gwyn noted with delight. He handed her the wine and they clicked glasses, smiling fondly at each other. Just as Gwyn leaned into give her attentive boyfriend a well-earned kiss, a sudden weight being dropped into her lap made her squeal. Azriel let out a huffed laugh, “Stop squealing, you’ll scare her. She just wants to say hi.”

Azriel’s black cat, fittingly (both in appearance and behavior) named Shadow, purred as she nudged her little furry head against Gwyn’s chest. The demand was clear. Gwyn chuckled, set down her glass and began fondling the cat’s head.

Azriel threw her a pointed look. “I would have jumped onto your lap an hour ago if that’s what’s getting your attention.”

She replied, “Oh, but that would only work if you were a little hairier and a little less heavy.”

Azriel gasped, offended. “Are you calling me fat?”, his hands found the hem of his shirt to lift it, revealing disgustingly perfect muscles underneath. He looked at them in fake sadness. As if he didn’t know what he was doing to her and her breathing.

“I didn’t eat three main courses of take away in the time it took me to eat only one.”, she countered. Shadow, seemingly annoyed with the loud noises her owners made, tippled back to the bedroom.

Azriel winced, “Yeah, true. I had to skip lunch today, so I had to get in some more calories with this.” Gwyn felt a little pull at her heart at his words. He was overworking himself, just like she thought he would.

“That much going on, huh?”, she moved closer to him, throwing her legs across his lap and massaging his scalp for a little relaxation. Azriel extended his arm to pull her closer to his side, then he closed his eyes and melted into Gwyn’s capable fingers.

Apparently, he didn’t want to talk about it. But that was fine, she understood that now. Azriel was the quiet sort, the one to think thoroughly about something before sharing it with his loved ones, usually to not burden or stress them. She also knew that in times when he wouldn’t allow for any mental support, she could settle for some physical affection.

They both sat engulfed in each other’s company for a while, Gwyn’s hands and fingernails drawing lazy circles in Azriel’s hair, while they refocused on their show and occasionally nipped at their wine. A newcomer to the Island was introduced now, another one of those picture-perfect males that, before she met Az, she was sure didn’t exist in the wild. He had a weird name, Hunt, but the girls were all over him immediately.

“All the girls and even half the guys look like they’re about to drool on the poor guy.”, Azriel chuckled, “Reminds me of you, when we started dating.”

Gwyn sat up with a start, pulling away her legs and hands in the process. Azriel let out a little whine at that and tried to catch her limbs in midair to pull her back.

“I. Never. Drooled. Especially not over you.”, she argued, bringing some space between them for emphasize.

“Oh, nevermind I guess I worded it wrong. What would you call nearly stumbling over your own feet, blushing like mad and drawing little cinnamon drawings in my coffee every time you saw me at the café? Simping, maybe?”

Gwyn let out a loud laugh, just because everything he just said was nothing but the truth. “Damn, it was that obvious, yeah?”

“Quite, but only after two weeks or so.”, he allowed her at least some of her dignity.

Gwyn remembered the time well. She had never felt so alive, buzzing with excitement every morning she got to work. It was at a time too, when she was new in town and slightly intimidated and homesick. Working as a waitress at the Dawn café was her way of earning some extra money while she started her internship in the archives of the city. It had been the best decision of her life, despite the early morning shifts and the constant temptation of the little cakes and sweets they served. She had not only met Azriel there, but also her coworker and now best friend Emerie. She smiled to herself thinking of the time. She could almost smell the bitter aroma of coffee.

 “Gwyn? Where is the new batch of the cinnamon rolls?”, Emerie called from behind the counter.

“Oh, I damn it. I left them in the back. Sorry Em!”, Gwyn replied, making an apologetic face towards her very friendly, but sometimes very strict coworker. She had been slow all morning and apparently that didn’t change when she got to work at 5:50 am.

She was currently wiping down the tables near the ginormous windows to prepare for the café to open. It was only her second week of employment, but she loved it here. The place had such an inviting atmosphere, the costumers were mostly friendly and the coworkers too, her favorite of them now coming out from behind the counter to turn their sign form ‘closed’ to ‘open’.

“Would you stay in front for the first hour or so while I manage our stock in the back?”, Em asked, already turning back to the door. The first hour is always manageable, as only very few people braved the streets at 6am. She nodded her understanding and took her place behind the counter, preparing the coffee.

The first few minutes, nothing noteworthy happened. A couple came in to buy two croissants, then a maintenance worker asked for his coffee to go. Gwyn just found her work flow, now slowly starting to look and think more alive. Then she saw him.

It was a bit like a shadow entered the bright and lively Dawn. An impertinent wall of black against the pastel colors of the café. And it, no he, moved towards the counter. To her.

“Good morning. Can I get a large cup of coffee to drink here?”, his voice was flat. Gwyn was awake suddenly. How- just how??

“Morning, of course”, thankfully she managed to make her voice sound semi-normal, “would you like anything else with your coffee? Maybe something to eat?”

“Nah, that’ll be it.”, he handed her five pounds with a slight smile and turned towards a seat at the window with a “Keep the change.”

Gwyn moved through the steps to brew the coffee on auto pilot, before making her way to the impossibly hot costumer. With a thanks, he took the coffee and proceeded to swipe on his phone.

Gwyn hid behind the counter. Now she finally had time to process this guy.

He sat half faced towards her, and she tried to check him out in the least intrusive and annoying way possible. Jet black hair, short in the neck, longer on top of the head, so that some bits slightly curled. He had broad shoulders and some kind of tattoo sticking out beneath the seam of a black uniform. She didn’t recognize it, maybe something to do with law enforcement? But the most striking of it all was his face. It was perfection, like some of the Greek god statues she had seen copies of in the archives had come to life to grace the people on earth. Sharp in every feature, just his eyes softened his look a bit. They had the color of honey.

She needed to get a grip. And fast, too.

More costumers streamed in a couple of minutes after the arrival of the god. That gave her something to do for a while. The café now filled with more voices and laughter. But she still couldn’t help to glance at him every now and then, just to verify that she didn’t dream him up.

When Emerie joined her to serve at 8am, and the god was already gone, she found a calm minute to describe him to her.

Emerie laughed at her face. “Not you too, please. Everyone is obsessed with that guy. You definitely didn’t make him up.”

“So he comes here more often?”, she inquired. Gwyn hadn’t seen him in her first week at all.

“Yeah, he is a regular. Sometimes he ditched for one-two weeks, but he always comes back. Maybe he is out of town sometimes.”, she glanced at Gwyn and leaned in to whisper, “Do you plan on making a move? No-one dared until now.”

Gwyn didn’t know. She really didn’t. She used to be good with people, with guys - something happened last year that made her keep her distance. But maybe it was time to close that distance again.

 Azriel’s phone rang, interrupting some well-needed one on one time. Gwyn let out a small whine as Azriel detangled himself from her to reach for the coffee table. Immediately, the sweet, attentive and fun boyfriend disappeared to make way for the stone-faced agent.

“Night speaking.”, he answered the phone, threw a little apologetic look at Gwyn and left for the bedroom, closing the door behind him. Gwyn sat up, missing the comfortable weight of her boyfriend’s body on her, and combed through her hair with her fingers. She pleaded to the gods or whomever will listen for Azriel to not have to go into work right now. His stupid boss with his stupid emergencies interrupted more than one date night during the time of their relationship. Azriel was, apparently, too vital for the operation to work too long without him. She smiled a little, the thought making her very proud of him.

But he also desperately needed some time to relax. Preferably with her. Even more preferably in her.

Azriel’s muffled voice receded behind the bedroom wall. He opened the door, and plopped down on the sofa with a sigh. Gwyn prepared herself for everything from ‘bad’ to ‘worst’, bad being he had to go into work tonight for a few hours, ‘worst’ being he had to pack. And packing usually brought a two week separation with it.

“So, I will need to do some work on the computer now. They want my approval for a mission plan.”, he threw her a pained glance, “I’m so sorry, love. I will make it up to you later, okay? Will you stay up?”

Gwyn kissed him softly. It really wasn’t his fault that he was so damn good at his job, and she didn’t want him to feel to down because of it. “Sure, that sounds fine. At least I get to keep you in close proximity.”

“Thanks for understanding.”, he took her hand to press a kiss on the back of her hand and then made his way to the small office.

Gwyn had some alone time at her hands now. And she knew exactly how she wanted to spend it. She sneaked to the kitchen, found what she was looking for with a triumphant grin, and plopped back on the couch. She turned on her favorite old-school movie and then worked her way through the sweet treat she brought herself from the kitchen. A chocolate croissant.

She always had a sweet tooth. And the time she spent working in the café taught her more than one thing about baking them. The croissant was the costumer’s favorite too, and she understood why with all her heart and soul. Well, one costumer hadn’t been too keen on it. But then again, he hadn’t been too keen on any of the baked goods there.

It had infuriated her at the time. Azriel’s stoic persistence on the one cup of coffee, with nothing sweet to counter the bitterness of it. She had tried multiple times to convince him on a cake, without any luck. If he could see her now, he would sure as hell make a comment.

 “Morning! The usual?”, Gwyn greeted the god from her place behind the counter as he stepped into the empty café.

“Good morning. The usual please.”, he confirmed with one of those stupidly pretty half smirks he liked to present her with. Today marked the 7th time that he drank his coffee with Gwyn being the barista. Not that she counted.

The god proceeded to place the usual five pound note on the table. The coffee actually just cost half of that, but he insisted on giving her the tip every time. Gwyn couldn’t help but smile at him when she took the money and thanked him. She noted, very pleased with herself, that he seemed to linger near Gwyn longer each day before taking his place by the window.

She busied herself making the coffee.

Gwyn had decided yesterday evening. That she wanted to make her move. She arranged her hair more carefully this morning, throwing the locks of auburn hair into a bun, with a few strands to frame her face. She put on her favorite good-luck necklace. Her makeup stayed minimal, but she put on some highlighter to let her face glow. All that was a good start, but she had no idea how to actually interact with him. Should she just ask him out on a date? Should she try to flirt with him before?

As she eyed the coffee and the little layer of foam that coated the surface, a brilliant idea struck her. She would go for the slow, steady approach. Her way of flirting.

She took the cinnamon they usually used to sprinkle the hot chocolate with and went to work.

After a minute she proudly admired her work. The cinnamon was arranged on the foam in the shape of a crescent with a little star in the corner. Carefully, she brought her creation to the god. She placed it. But was too chicken to stay there and wait for his reaction, so she fled back behind the counter. Baby steps, she reminded herself.

That day, and a little shiver went down Gwyn’s spine remembering it even after months had passed, he went out of his way to say his goodbyes to her (and Emerie). He had made his way back to the counter to do so, even though more costumers were flowing in the café.

Gwyn was ecstatic. Was it the equivalent of a bold pick-up line? No, but it was something delicate, something sweet to take the bitter edge from his coffee. And little did she know, it took the edge of the bitterness of his life too.

The days passed in a whirl of activity. Gwyn worked hard at the café, the archives and during her therapy lessons. She figured that, with a possibility of a date on the horizon, she should put in some extra effort in that area of her life. And then hopefully not get triggered if he decides to put a hand on her back or something, should they actually go on a date.

Everything went well. Everything was just cherries on top for her. Each day that the god took his coffee at the Dawn, she created a little picture for him with the cinnamon. She built her skill slowly, going from the basic ‘sun, moon and star’ to more elaborate motives. One morning, she even managed to draw a little cat. And in the evenings, that where before occupied by heavy silence and sleepless nights, she found herself dreaming of the next morning.

But he never said anything about the cinnamon art. He was polite, charming, but never took a metaphorical step towards her. Maybe he thought that’s how she treats every costumer? That the art was a new thing the café trained its baristas in?

On Wednesday morning, 6.25am, when the god entered the café to pay for and drink his coffee, she decided to be bold. To be unmistakably forward.

As the god took his seat, she took the cinnamon and wrote a little message for him, instead of her usually art. She thought the message through a long time, it would have to be brief, cut straight to the point she wanted to get across. But what did she want to get across? That she wanted a date? But that didn’t fit the cup.

‘ur cute’, was what ended up on the foam. It allowed him some room of interpretation and wasn’t pushy, but still conveyed her interest. With her heart almost beating out of her chest and into the coffee, she placed the cup in front of him. Damn, was it a good idea? He looked up from his phone to say his thanks, but Gwyn was already turned around and made her way to the back of the café.

“Emerie, Emerie, Emerie”, she squealed, trying desperately to stay quiet as she found her coworker backing a new tray of almond cookies.

“What is it?”, Emerie turned around in shock, eyes wide, “did something happen? Are you hurt?”

“No, not exactly. My pride might take a hit in a few minutes and I’m not sure if I am ready for that.”, she then told Emerie what she did, pacing up and down in front of the oven. “Can you please take over outside, I’ll finish the baking. But please only call for me when he left the café.”

Emerie agreed, but smiled at the antics of her friend. She was so bold, so unapologetically herself, but that guy made her freak.

Gwyn gave her a brief hug of thanks, both girls going back to work after the intrusion. After half an hour, Emerie called her back to the front.

“He’s gone. Are you okay with cleaning his table, or should I?”, Em gestured to the table by the window. Gwyn wasn’t afraid of it, as long as its occupant was not in the picture.

She made her way to the table; lifted the cup to inspect the napkin underneath and see if it was still usable, but found it used. But not in the usual way. Written on the napkin with a small, accurate handwriting was a phone number. Gwyn froze and stared, and stared, and stared, until she fully understood the message of the number. She brought a hand to her mouth to cover her grin, also mentally keeping herself from jumping up and down in excitement in a half-full café. He had left his number, for her.

Or was it for someone else? The grin left Gwyn as fast as it came a second ago. It should be addressed at her, she was usually serving him. But maybe he meant it for Emerie? Or Jada, the other barista that sometimes worked the morning shift with them?

There was only one way to find out. Gwyn pocketed the napkin, and during the day, she always found herself toying with it in her downtime. She would call him soon.

 ****

“When I’m finished in the bathroom, I want you on your knees in front of the bed, not a single piece of clothing in slight, understood?”, Azriel murmured close to Gwyn’s ear, before letting her free of his embrace and making his way to the bathroom door. Gwyn preened with excitement. Her boyfriend had finished work 10 minutes ago, went straight to her to pull her into a passionate kiss, and somehow, they ended up here. With his command being her pleasure.

Gwyn was buzzing with anticipation, she took her clothing off one by one on the way to the bedroom, before kneeling on the carpet floor. She immensely enjoyed the games they played, be it with Azriel in the dominant role or herself. Gwyn never thought that she would be able to have sex the way that Azriel proposed to her a few months after they started sleeping together, but with the right person and the level of trust that they had, it was exhilarating.

Azriel entered the room, now only his joggers, his artful tattoos on display. He stayed silent for a while, letting his love sit through her increasing nerves. Then he finally spoke.

“I really didn’t want to have to punish you tonight, you know?”

Shit, what did she do wrong? Gwyn’s thoughts raced, but nothing she did the past two days would be deserving of a punishment. She didn’t dare speak however, she didn’t have permission yet anyways. With her knees sinking in the carpet and her hands met together behind her back, she stayed perfectly still in the hopes that that appeased him somehow. It didn’t.

“But little brats who leave a trail of clothes on the floor don’t deserve anything else, I’m afraid.”, Azriel had paced behind her back now, out of sight.

Gwyn mentally both scolded and congratulated herself for leaving the clothes on the floor. Scolding, because Azriel was one to see through with his threats, and congratulating, because Azriel saw through with his threats.

He gathered Gwyn’s hair in his big hands from his position, tying it in a ponytail. His fingers brushed her neck, making her shiver. Azriel moved again, this time to kneel in front of her. His fingers now found her chin to lift it. So she could stare into his honey eyes which held a darker cast over them. She dared to hold his gaze.

“Do you have anything to say for yourself, love?”, his voice matched his eye color as he called her by her nickname.

“I’m sorry for leaving my clothing on the floor. It won’t happen again, Sir.”, her voice betrayed her. It quivered slightly under his intense gaze. His fingers moved from her chin to lightly caress her throat now, dipping to her collarbones every now and then. Gwyn already felt wetness coating her sex without him even touching her much.

“Mh, what a nice little apology. I’m not sure you meant it though. Stand.”, he ordered, raising up himself to tower over her.

Gwyn scrambled to her feet, muscles straining to keep her hands still firmly behind her back. She had learned that particular lesson two weeks ago.

He came closer to her, hands to her waist and mouth by her ear, “You remember the safe word?”, he broke character just enough to remind her of her way out, should she not want this.

Oh, but she did.

“Red, Sir.”, she murmured. Azriel nodded.

“Lay on the bed, stomach facing the sheets. You may use your hands.”, Gwyn obeyed. He still wanted to play a little nice today if he allowed her to use her hands for this. She was so relieved, she didn’t notice Azriel going over to the wardrobe to pull out a blindfold. Nice indeed.

Gwyn felt the bed dip slightly as he lowered himself on it. His hand wandered featherlight from her ankles, over her thighs, grazed her ass to find the middle of her back and continue to her neck. He found the ponytail and pulled to lift her face from the sheet with enough force to make it hurt slightly, but never too much. The command was clear though: hold your head up.

Azriel tied the blindfold over her eyes, making her effectively defenseless against him. The anticipation nearly killed her. In this compromising position, it will take Az only a couple of well-placed caresses for her to scream out his name in pleasure.

She felt his body hovering over her. The she felt his lips. First placing on kiss to her neck, then her shoulder blades, slowly working downwards. If that was supposed to be her punishment, she would gladly take it. But she never got away so easily.

Az had worked himself to her spine, licking over the spot before receding from her body completely. Gwyn’s breathing was heavy already, her breath further restricted through lying on her stomach.

“You’re going to count to five for me, love.”, he commanded, voice low and quiet.

Then she felt a zap of pain going through her as Azriel’s hand connected sharply with her rear. Gwyn whimpered, already mentally readying herself for the next blow, but instead his hands lightly brushed over the spot to soothe it. He knew exactly where to strike to make it good for her, knew his strength enough to not hurt. Never hurt seriously.

She found enough breath to mutter, ”One.”

The next slap echoed through her body, shock waves going up her spine and straight down to her throbbing clit. The burn was reduced again immediately with Azriel stroking over it. “Two.”, her voice was barely audible. But only he needed to hear her.

“You are doing so good for me love.”, he praised her, leaning down to place a little kiss on both of her cheeks before resuming to paint them red with his hands. Gwyn counted down the last three of the slaps, body deliciously aching, with Azriel praising her strength. All that was left of her brain was liquid. When the last of the slaps resided, Azriel’s lips came down to kiss her spine again.

“Good girl.”, he muttered. Gwyn practically glowed from making him proud, her praise kink nearly as strong as Azriel’s. She felt him crawling up her body again, both of his hands caging her in, hovering over her.

And then – nothing.

All she felt was his body over her, his heat radiating into her naked frame. But he didn’t touch her, he didn’t say anything, didn’t undress himself. It was infuriating. She knew he was doing it on purpose, to leave her all riled up and wondering. He wanted to have her begging. And Gwyn was already at the point where she would do exactly that.

“Azriel, please.”, she whispered into the thin air, hoping it would reach him.

“Azriel please -What?”, he shot back immediately, voice hard and unyielding.

Gwyn gulped. “Please touch me.”

Azriel touched her. On her fucking hands. Gwyn groaned in frustration and swore she could actually feel his shit-eating grin over her shoulder.

“One more try, love?”, he coaxed.

“Please touch me between my legs.”, she managed to get out before going still again in anticipation.

His lips came to her ear once more to whisper, “Spread them for me then.” Still on her stomach, she obeyed and spread her legs, whining at the loss of friction that had been her only form of release for the last minutes, but begging for his touch.

Then, Azriel’s broad fingers finally, finally, wandered between her legs, drawing little circles on the inside of her thighs. What he felt there made him chuckle softly, “Already so wet for me that you dripped down your legs? And here I was, thinking the punishment was a real punishment.”

“Always for you, Sir.”, Gwyn breathed, hoping the submissive admission would incline him to play nice. A rumble went through Azriel’s chest at her words, and his fingers grazed her sex. Gwyn couldn’t help moaning. And she didn’t stop for a long time after she started.

Azriel continued to move his fingers up and down her sex, spreading her lips to have a better access to her clit. He honed in on it, alternating between pressing down lightly and circling. He moved through her with ease, thanks to her wetness. Gwyn’s breathing turned ragged, one of her hands wandered across the sheets to find something to hold on to, something to ground her against these feelings that made her spiral sky-high. She found Azriel’s hand that lifted his body off hers, and interlaced her fingers with his. He allowed the contact. Technically, actively seeking out his touch was forbidden, but she couldn’t care less as his finger found her entrance and circled it, occasionally dipping in, but staying way too shallow.

“Sir, please. I want you inside me.”, it took everything in Gwyn to form that whole sentence and remembering her manners.

“As my good girl wishes.”, this time it was Azriel who obeyed her. He never could refuse her for too long. Two of his fingers stretched her, inner walls fluttering and contracting at the sudden contact. He pumped them in and out for a while, sometimes curling inside of her. His fingers sometimes drew out for a moment to pay some more attention to her clit again, before delving back in. Gwyn didn’t hear the wet sound she produced over her moaning and whimpering.

Suddenly, she felt a loss of contact, leaving her body yearning and shaking. Two strong hands gripped her hips and flipped her over, so she lay on her back, legs still spread. She was beginning to panic at her vulnerability. Her sight was taken from her for too long.

“Sir, can I see you please?”, it was worth a try. Azriel must have heard the slight edge in her voice as she felt gentle fingers prying the blindfold away from her eyes and over her head. Gwyn took a moment to adjust her eyes again, even though the room was only dimly lit. Azriel hovered over her, his knees bracketed on either side of her hips. “You okay love?”, he was still clad in his joggers that now bore an impressive bulge, chest heaving just as heavily as hers was. Gwyn nodded her okay, but he wasn’t having any of it. “You know to use your words when I ask that.”, he scolded, but his eyes were soft.

“I’m okay.”, Gwyn breathed and even managed to show him a little smile. Azriel nodded, sufficiently happy. He was quick to connect their lips together in a fiery kiss, tongues darting out to play with each other for a moment. Gwyn wanted nothing more to sink her hands in his hair, letting them roam his shoulders and back, on his chest trailing downwards.

“Go on, touch me.”, Azriel mumbled in between kisses to her mouth and her neck. He had this uncanny ability to know exactly what she wanted when she wanted it. But Gwyn used the freedom he granted her to explore his chest, grazing her fingers over the taunt muscles and extracting a shiver from him. By the looks of it, not only she was ready to explode any second.

“What do you want love?”

Gwyn didn’t even have to think. “I want you inside me now, fast and hard.”

When Azriel raised his eyebrows at her, she added her “Sir” hastily. Apparently, that was enough for him now as he pushed himself up from her to step out of his joggers, the considerable length of his cock springing free. He touched himself, pumping slowly up and down a few times while his eyes trailed over Gwyn’s spread-out body. “My gorgeous little girl.”, he mumbled, probably more to himself than to her, but Gwyn still smiled at the endearment.

He was over and in her within the span of two seconds. Gwyn vision blurred, pressure already building in her lower back and abdominal parts as he slid home, right to the hilt. Azriel brought his forehead down to rest against hers, eyes closed, and pounded into her. Gwyn loved every second of it, craned her head up to kiss him on the lips again, to have all her senses surrounded by him.

“Fuck, Gwyn.”, he mumbled, still sinking his cock deep into her with every thrust. Gwyn wrapped her legs around his waist and tilted her hips slightly, sending both of them groaning at the new deeper angle this allowed. His thrusts became even faster and harder, until Gwyn only managed to murmur his name over and over and over again.

Until the pressure that built couldn’t built any longer and came crashing down on her. With one last “Azriel!”, breathing labored, she came undone under him. Azriel followed a few thrusts after her, spilling his release into her with a loud roar.

After a few seconds he slid out of her carefully and plopped on the bed next to her, chest still heaving. That pretty half smirk grazed his lips as he looked over to her. “Everything okay?”, Gwyn nodded, herself also smiling.

Azriel got up, walked around the bed to Gwyn’s side, and before she could comprehend what his intention was, he had lifted her into his arms. He carried her to the bathroom and sat her on the toilet to pee (which Gwyn learned the hard way to always do after sexual activities) while cleaning himself up and throwing on a pair of boxer briefs.

“Do you want to finish watching your movie, or would you rather go to sleep now?”, he asked while Gwyn sneakily threw one of his larger shirts over her. That was her favorite part of aftercare, his scent and warmth engulfing her even after they had gone to bed.

“I’m not too tired yet, lets watch the movie.”, she answered, brushing past him to the living area. “’Not too tired’, that hurt Berdara. I should give you more work next time.”, he grumbled, following her and slapping her rear lightly.

Gwyn laughed. “You could do that, but next time it’s my turn, in case you don’t remember.”, she smiled wickedly, already forming plans on how to make him beg.

“How could I forget, Miss.”, he replied. Apparently, he was already warming up.

They snuggled together on the couch for the remainder of the movie. Gwyn almost drifting to sleep, but she wouldn’t allow Azriel the satisfaction of that. After the movie had ended, and both settled into bed, Azriel still had the nerve to take out his phone, probably checking his always full email account.

“Will you actually get the day off tomorrow, or will they find an excuse to steal you away from me again?”, she asked into the dark.

“I’m all yours tomorrow, come what may. But I still need to keep up to date.”, Azriel reached his hand out to stroke her arm soothingly. Gwyn propped herself up on her elbow to steal a little glance at Azriel’s phone, but instead of his work stuff, his gallery was opened. He was probably searching for some work-related screenshots, but Gwyn had a different idea. Quickly, she snatched the phone away from him to open one particular folder of pictures. She remembered him calling her a simp earlier this evening and found the perfect material for a counterattack.

Azriel had a folder on his phone dedicated only to the various different coffee arts she did for him. He never missed one, starting from the crescent moon, of course including the cat, and ending with the ‘ur cute’. Triumphant, she showed him the screen. “Remember calling me a simp?”

Azriel laughed and grabbed for the phone, scrolling his way through the pictures. “I remember that one, it took me all day to figure out what it was supposed to be.”

Gwyn gasped in mocking shock. “What do you mean, it’s most definitely a tree!”

“But it could also be a puddle, or a cloud, or…”, he started, interrupted from the pillow Gwyn threw in his face. His laugh was muffled.

“It hurts me, how non-appreciative you are of my art and love for you.”, she informed him, propping the pillow back under her head.

Azriel leaned towards her to peck her nose. “I am very appreciative of it, you know that. It used to be the highlight of my day. Of course now, every hour I am with you is the highlight.” All laughter was forgotten, replaced by a deep understanding of each other. “And I was obsessed with you even before you started with the art.”

“I KNEW it!”, she didn’t know it at the time, but she could pretend to have the upper hand now.

She did remember her nerves the day she decided to call his number. How she asked him out on a date and then had to go to a boxing class to work away the adrenalin that was left from it. But her story had a happy ending, and she could laugh about her freakout in hindsight.

 He didn’t pick up. After it took Gwyn a meditation practice and a little sip of wine to finally dial the number, he didn’t pick up. But it also felt wrong to leave a message, she would have to be more prepared for that. Like, actually writing out a little speech to recite after the beep. And she just knew that she would hopelessly ramble on, sabotaging her shot at the god.

Gwyn was currently sat by the little reading nook at the window, looking out to the busy street. Was 8pm a weird time to call someone? She just finished eating dinner, her work at the city archives had run late today. Maybe his work kept him occupied too?

Gwyn tried to pick up a book to let some time pass before she’d try again. Or would she come off as too pushy, calling twice in one evening? She put down the book and settled to pace up and down her window instead. She even crewed her nails a little.

When her phone rang, she nearly jumped. Taking a few steadying breaths before picking up, she finally accepted the call. “Hello, it’s Gwyn.”

“Gwyn! WHAT did he say?”, it was in fact not the god, but Emerie screaming through the phone right now. Gwyn’s stomach did a little drop.

“Emerie, you scared the crap out of me. I tried to reach him but he didn’t pick up. I want to wait a few minutes before trying again?”

“Oh dear, and I bet you got all hyped up now that I called you.”, she laughed, “well, maybe, if you call him now, you’ll be more calm.” Gwyn doubted that.

The girls chatted for a couple of minutes, Emerie telling her about the rest of her day and that she actually made plans for a blind date. Apparently, she had more luck in love than Gwyn tonight. They said their goodbyes.

Gwyn dialed again.

And, again, reached the voicemail.

Signing, she gave up on the thought of being able to ask him on a date today. Her phone on the coffee table, she readied herself for bed. Doubt started creeping in on her. What if he changed his mind and didn’t want anything to do with her?

Just when she settled in the sheets with a nice calming cup of tea, her phone went off again. Gwyn made sure to check the caller ID this time.

“Hello, its Gwyn.”

“Gwyn?”, she would have recognized that voice anywhere by now, “Hey, it’s the guy from Dawn.”

“I know, I know.”, every cell in her body was working on not making this awkward, “I tired to reach you earlier.”

“Yeah, sorry I missed that. I usually have to lock my private phone away when I’m at work.”, the god explained. “I’m glad you called though. I was wondering if just leaving my number would convince you to do so.”

“Well, it did. I am glad my coffee art convinced you.”, a smile crept into Gwyn’s face and she sat up in bed, hugging her knees to her chest. She was actually speaking with him. And it was surprisingly easy to do so. Very un-god like.

“It did. I would have asked you out in person, but I didn’t see you again in the café after you served me. And I also didn’t want to ask your colleague to fetch you like some kind of creep.”, Gwyn could practically feel his half smirk through her speaker.

“I appreciate that.”, a little pause, then she added, “So, you wanted to ask me out?”

“Straight to the point yeah?”, she could definitely feel his smirk, “Gwyn, I think you are the cutest person I have ever met in my life and I would love to take you out on a date. This Friday, if you’re free. And if you want to, of course.”

Gwyn reigned herself in to not interrupt him with a deafening “YES” while he was talking to her. Composed, at least she hoped that’s what she sounded like, she answered, “I would love to go out with you. Friday works just fine. I’m at work until 5pm.”

They quickly exchanged their addresses and worked out a time and a place to meet on Friday night. Just before they ended their call, a though struck Gwyn. She had been so used to calling him ‘god’ in her mind that she didn’t even notice.

“Well, I am looking forward to see you. By the way, what’s your name?”

The god laughed, “Fuck, I didn’t even tell you that, did I?” Gwyn liked to pretend that was because he was nervous for this call as well. “My name is Azriel.”

[willczek-art]

IT IS THE BEST DAMN THING YOU DREW IN YOUR LIFE

Color Palette Challenge, finally!! *U* Imma give you a few (bc I LIVE for your OCs), pick whichever >one< you feel like will be the most fun! :D Either 34 for Casper, 90 for Fireboy, 67 for Ollie/Duszek or 32 for Vi~ Thankies for the opportunity to bother you for art, have fun! :D

Boy oh boy, they all sounded amazing (and I’m gonna do them when I’ll be done with other requests, I won’t miss a chance to draw those guys! And the palettes look super fun and really well matched to them C:), but you knew who I’m gonna draw :v xD

I just want you to know that this is the best thing I’ve ever drawn in my damn life and because of this request, you are partially responsible for it! So thank you for your amazing request, it was a blast and thank you for the opportunity to draw this little masterpiece :>

+ bonus versions cause I’m too proud of it not to show off 

[relaxxattack]

hi im asking u this bc u seem to be bee duo enthusiast so

ive been calling c! beeduos relationship platonic because i thought that was what their cc’s said, and i thought they had said that they were uncomfortable with ppl shipping the characters. But ive seen a lot of posts that say their relationship is canonically romantic? and i absolutely do not want to come across as homophobic by watering down a mlm relationship to just friends because that happens so much in media so.

what is the canon state of their relationship / ur opinions on the platonic thibg

dont worry abt answering if u dont want to!! i see a lot of differing opinions and i trust yours :)

aw it’s totally fine, im flattered you asked me about this!

let me put it simply: it’s a whole mess, lol.

first im going to talk about what’s happened fandom-wide that caused differing opinions, and then i’ll explain my own opinion/interpretation. :]

(this got really fucking long im so sorry)

ranboo and tubbo initially proclaimed the relationship was romantic, specifically in argument with the wiki editors who had set it as platonic by default. (you can see this in the vod where they decide they’re canonically married— it’s very funny. chat tells them the marriage is already on the wiki, they check, tubbo is jokingly offended that it says platonic and asks if he needs to up the romance).

tubbo also makes jokes about adultry, which sort of implies the relationship is not necessarily a platonic one.

(theres definetly more in that stream alone but it’s been a long time since i watched it so i don’t remember a lot of it.)

the wiki, because of this, suffers from going back and forth on platonic and romantic, seemingly unsure where the joke ends and the canon begins, or if its canonically a joke! a mess, as you can already tell.

this gets more complicated as the marriage bit goes on: outsiders, such as phil and scott, both at one point say “platonic marriage”, which then ranboo and tubbo agree with. however, when chat asks them if they’re platonic, they say the opposite. so there is a lot of confusion there.

there’s also the difficulty of being able to tell streamers and characters apart. ranboo and tubbo both don’t like being shipped irl, and that’s their boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed. (they’re also minors, but tbh when they’re 18 in a year i will still be following their boundaries regardless of their legal age).

due to people not wanting to be accused of minor shipping, they started adding the platonic tone indicator to most of their drawings— basically a way of saying “no homo”. meanwhile, tubbo frequently on stream flirts with ranboo and makes quite a bit of nsfw comments towards him that are frankly hilarious.

this goes on for a while with nobody really sure what’s canon, but a lot of people assuming it’s probably platonic, until: the drama of the mods night. a few mods dmed all the wiki editors telling them ranboo wanted his canon character relationship officially set to platonic.

unfortunately for those mods; the very same day, a few hours later, ranboo on stream makes fun of puffy delivering him and tubbo “friendship flowers”. because, and i quote, “bruh. we’re literally married. this must be how the ancient greeks felt.”

in case you don’t know, the internet often jokes about how historians will call ancient greeks ‘very good friends’ when they are quite obviously gay. so in this context, ranboo is joking that people will call him and c!tubbo, who are married, “close friends”, when he doesn’t think they are.

basically, ranboo canonized romantic bee duo, the very same day the mods told everyone he’d wanted a platonic one.

chaos and drama immediately erupted everywhere. on tumblr, we were talking about how weird it was of his mods to do something like that without asking him first. we ALSO talked about how weird it was of them to assume that ranboo can’t make his own decisions, or assume teenagers cannot be in relationships without it being sexual. twitter did the same thing but in the opposite direction: called ranboo mods homophobic, or said they were mad ranboo felt pressured into making a romantic relationship canon ‘just so people could have mlm rep.’

i dont want to go into detail about the drama that happened that night because apparently official people follow me and i dont want to stir it up or have them come “clarify” things. im just saying what we talked about.

ranboo in typical ranboo fashion apologized quickly and seriously. he was deeply sorry for possibly offending anyone with how he’d portrayed his rp relationship with tubbo, and he also assured everyone the mod thing was just a miscommunication.

he said he would talk to tubbo and they’d decide once and for all whether it was platonic or romantic, and then announce so everyone would know.

it’s now been a few months and we've had no word from them on that development. we still have no clue.

-

now, here’s my opinion:

i want to take ranboos word for it that it was a miscommunication with his mods, but... we had it on good authority from people on the wiki team and people in the discord with the mods that (while it was happening) they were really going after the wiki admins, and also made some weird comments about it. that combined with the way ranboo seemingly had no clue (considering he canonized their romance that very same day).... it’s very. sus of the mods.

then there’s the canon we’ve got since then. although occasionally adults in the room have called it a “platonic marriage” and tubbo once (back when it first started) called it a “plankton tectonic” marriage, in roleplay it’s been... kind of not that. tubbo and ranboo make nsfw jokes about each other in character, and their characters also share a master bedroom and bed in the mansion. there's also the way c!tommy really thinks it’s a romance between them as well, and they agree with and play off that— for instance confirming that they “fell in love” when he asked, or ranboo confirming that they “make out on occasion”.

people will still put platonic on their art and posts, imo, because they’re worried about breaking ranboo and tubbo’s irl boundaries by looking like they ship them. or even just being accused of shipping real life minors. and that’s a valid fear to have.

the thing is though: c!bee duo are not cc!bee duo. they’re roleplay characters. cc!bee duo are not okay with being shipped, but they made their characters get canonically married, and call each other “husbands”. so it’s okay to write the word “husband” in your comic without adding “platonic” to it, i promise.

telling the ccs that their characters have to be platonic is... weird. it comes off as not only babying them, but also as saying teens can’t date without it being gross. which isn’t true.

(this is why seeing people overuse “platonic husband” so much bothers me. like, they ARE husbands. you can just say it. what are you trying to hide...?)

-

do i think they’re canonically romantic? ehh, its likely. it’s still okay to interpret them as platonic, because again, it’s hard to tell where jokes end and roleplay begins. like, maybe it’s jokes in the rp too, and c!bee duo are just friends. friends can and should be allowed to make jokes like that with each other! aro & ace marriages exist!

or, maybe it’s actually part of the rp, and they’re very much romantic. we don’t know!

some people say they could be a qpr (queerplatonic romance), which i could see. (a qpr is a relationship that fluctuates between, or can’t quite be sorted into, “romantic” and “platonic”. people in a qpr can do romantic things while having platonic feelings for each other). in my opinion this is a very valid interpretation as well!

-

CONCLUSION (sorry this got so long omfg):

are c!bee duo romantic?

its likely, but you can still interpret them however you like!

should i put /p on bee duo content?

ehhh? i find it annoying when it’s overused (as do others), but if you’re worried you can. its up to preference. putting it too much is weird though

should i put /p on things cc! bee duo do?

no. you’re not the one saying it so you can’t decide the tone tags for that. imagine you said something to your friend and a random stranger came up and was like “haha but that was /p right...?”

can i ship c!bee duo?

mmm. i’m not sure on this one. they are canonically married and very flirtatious, but the ccs don’t like being shipped and they’re close enough to being the ccs that actively shipping might be against boundaries.

can i treat c!bee duo as romantic?

yes. literally just don’t be weird about it. it’s not that hard! you can understand that two characters are husbands without making it weird

here’s the most important thing: boundaries. cc bee duo still haven’t told us what their preferences and canon is about this whole thing.

right now, i am assuming based on what they already show us they’re comfortable with, but! the second they give us any more info! all these opinions will change!

i am only going off what they do. i would never want to cross boundaries at all. i just wish they would make theirs a little more clear.

..... i hope that helped anon, i went way off the rails... i need to go to sleep.

[sketching-shark]

I think we should start a protection squad (although they don’t need it because they can protect themselves) for Sun Wukong and Guanyin

“Begone monkie kid fandom trying to down grade these really interesting characters with interesting personality’s and backstory ( the both of them like seriously Guanyin backstory is so cool) to a villain wile trying to justify your angsty backstory (that are no where near as cool as monkey who fights gods and Person who has 1000 arms and heads to help people in need) for the actual villain”

So who wants to join

Me:*raises my hand*

Ps: sorry if I got Guanyin backstory wrong am not an expert on it.

Haha okay so some critiques on the jttw & associated media western fandom & fandom in general coming up, so please skip this upcoming text wall if you don't want to encounter my undoubtedly ~devastating~ words (i.e. don't like don't read as people love to say, & if I have to be inundated with images of my notp every time I go into the sun wukong tag then I imagine people can be chill with me expressing my opinions & giving people fair warning that I WILL be critiquing common fandom trends, but no need for you to see that if you don’t want to. Cool? Cool.)

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PFFFFFTTT oh man there are many times when I feel like signing up for such a protection squad...when it comes to the current western jttw & Sun Wukong fandom I do feel like I'm often swinging at a rapid pace between "well it's fandom & people are allowed to make the stories they want" & "I am once again begging my fellow monkie kid enthusiasts (& sometimes creators) to do more research into the og classic/show it more respect so you can avoid any potentially offensive/off-the-mark misunderstandings of the status & cultural context of the characters in their country of origin (I promise it's super interesting & I can provide you with links to free pdf copies of the entire Yu translation, i.e. the best one ever created, so feel free to ask!) & maybe also stop constantly stripping away all the nuance of Sun Wukong's character for the sake of either making him an entire asshole so your little meow meow can look completely innocent in comparison and/or making the monkey king's entire life & character revolve around said meow meow."

Like I get that fandom's supposed to be a kind of anything-goes environment, but one thing that honestly seems to be true of a lot of fandoms--and the western one for Sun Wukong & co. is certainly not immune from this--is that there often seems to be a kind of monoculturalization at work in what stories are created & what character interpretations are made popular. Across a multitude of fandoms, you frequently see basically nothing but the exact same tropes being made popular & even being insisted on for the canonical work (especially hasty redemption arcs & enemies to lovers these days), the exact same one-dimensional character types that characters from an original work keep getting shoved into, the exact same story beats, etc. And I get it to an extent, as fandom is generally a space where people just make art and fic for fun & without thinking too hard about it & without any pressure. 

This seems to, however, often unfortunately lead to the mentality that it’s your god-given right to do literally whatever you want with literally any cultural figure without even the slightest bit of thought put into their cultural, historical, and even religious context, even (and sometimes especially) when it comes to figures that are really important in a culture outside your own. For such figures--even if you first encounter them in a children’s cartoon--you should be a little more careful with what you do with them than you would with your usual Saturday morning line-up. It of course has to be acknowledged that there exists a whole pile of absolutely ridiculous & cursed pieces of media that are based on Journey to the West & that were produced in mainland China, but for your own education if nothing else I consider it good practice for those of us (myself certainly included) who aren’t part of the culture that produced JTTW to put more thought into how we might want to portray these characters so that at the very least (to pull some things I’ve seen from the jttw western fandom) we’re not turning a goddess of mercy into an evil figure for the sake of Angst(TM), or relegating other important literary figures into the positions of offensive stereotypes, or making broad claims about the source text & original characterizations of various figures that are blatantly untrue, or mocking heavenly deities because of what’s actually your misunderstanding of how immortality works according to Daoist beliefs. Yet while a lot of this is often due to people not even trying to understand the context these figures are coming from, I do want to acknowledge that the journey (lol reference) to understand even a fraction of the original cultural context can be a daunting one, especially since, as I’ve mentioned before, it can be really hard & even next to impossible to find good, accessible, & legitimate explanations in English of how, for example, the relationship between Sun Wukong and the Six-Eared Macaque is commonly interpreted in China & according to the Buddhist beliefs that define the original work. 

That is to say, I do think it’s an unfortunate, if unavoidable, part of any introduction of an original text into a culture foreign to its own for there to be sometimes a significant amount of misinterpretation, mistranslations, and false assumptions. There is, however, a big difference between learning from your honest mistakes, & doubling down on them while dismissing all criticism of your misinterpretation into that abstract category of “fandom drama.” The latter attitude is kind of shitty at best and horrifically entitled at worst. 

Plus, as I’ve discovered, there is a great deal of interest and joy to be drawn from keeping yourself open to learning aspects of these texts & figures that you weren’t aware of! I can say from my own experience that I’ve always really enjoyed & appreciated it when individuals on this site who come from a Chinese background--and who know much more about the cultural context of JTTW than me--have taken the time to explain its various aspects. It often leaves me feeling like woooooaaaahhhhhHHH!!!! as to how amazingly full of nuanced meaning JTTW is like dang no wonder it’s one of China’s Four Great Classical Novels. 

And I guess that right there is the heart of a lot of my own personal frustration and disappointment with the ways that fandoms often approach a literary work or other piece of media...like don’t get me wrong, a lot of the original works a fandom may grow around are just straight-up goofy & everyone’s aware of it & has fun with it, yet the trend of approaching what are often nuanced and multi-layered works in terms of how well they fit and/or can be shoved into pretty cliche ideas of Redemption Arc or Enemies to Lovers or Hero Actually Bad, Villain Actually Good etc...well, it just seems to cheapen and even erase even the possibility of understanding the wonderful complexity or even endearing simplicity that made these works so beloved in the first place. Again, I feel like I need to make it clear that I’m not saying fandom should be a space where people are constantly trying to one-up each other with their hot takes in literary analysis, but it would be nice and even beneficial to allow room for commentary that strives to approach these works in a multi-faceted way, analysis & interpretations that go against the popular fandom beliefs, & criticism of the work or even of fandom trends (yes it is in fact possible to legitimately love something but still be critical of its aspects) instead of immediately attacking people who try to engage in such as just being haters who don’t want anyone to have fun ever (X_X).   

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Anyway, I know I didn’t cover even half of the stuff you brought up in the first place anon, but I don’t want any interested parties to this post to suffer too long through my text wall lol. I was asked to try my hand at illustrating Guanyin, but as with you I’m nowhere near as informed as I should be about her, so I want to do more research on her history and religious importance before I attempt a portrait. I’ll try my best, and do plan to pair that illustration with my own outsider’s attempt to summarize her character. From what little I do know I am in full agreement that her backstory is so incredibly amazing...just the fact that she literally eschewed the bliss of Nirvana to help all beings reach it, and even split herself into pieces in the attempt to do so (with Buddha granting her eleven heads and a thousand arms as a result)...man, I can see why she’s such a beloved & respected deity. 

----

 As for what western fandom commonly does with everyone’s favorite god-fighting primate...I can talk about this at length if there’s interest, but for this post I’ll just say that I guess one lesson from all of this is that for all the centuries that have passed since Journey to the West was first completed, literally no one drawing inspiration from the original tale in the west (lol) has come even slightly close to being able to equal or even capture half the extent of the nuance, complexity, religious, historical, and cultural aspects, and humor that define Wu Cheng'en's story of an overpowered monkey who defied even Buddha.

So thank the heavens we'll always have the original.

[sleepinglionhearts]

pls I think you for me into roark x steven and it's all my brain has been thinking in the past few days.. mind giving some hcs so I can brainrot some more? :'o

I'm so sorry to answer this so late! I have a large amount of stuff I think about concerning those two so it was difficult to narrow down what to reply with that would make sense hsgdhsgd

I'm sorry about 80% of this is all specific to an AU I want to eventually get around to writing/drawing and has such specific headcanons lol

-their first meeting is not in Sinnoh, but in Hoenn and when they were still pretty young. Byron gets invited to some inter-regional thing, brings his kid, said kid wanders off and runs into yet another bored young trainer and they hang out for a while. They become friends over similar interests, discover they're from different regions, and decide to become pen pals.

-...not that the pen pals thing lasts more than a couple of years or so as Steven is suddenly busier with formal competitive pokemon training and Roark is also facing a little pressure to start considering pokemon raising more seriously.

-much later, years later, Gardenia will tease Roark that the guy he used to write all the time and had his first major crush on turned out to be a regional champion quality trainer. Isn't that so funny?

-they meet again years later when Steven visits Sinnoh for purposes of rock collection and pokemon. Steven finds his way into the Underground and happens upon Roark and... well, Steven doesn't want to admit he kinda forgot Roark but it definitely takes him a minute to remember how exactly it is he knows this man who seems to have recognized him on sight and is being oddly familiar.

-Steven spends the majority of his stay in Sinnoh with Roark, either being toured around the region or just spending time together because WOW do they have A LOT to talk about.

-(Gardenia and Riley* are very amused by this.) *in this AU Riley was found as a small child by Byron and got adopted into the family! Why not! The man is already mysterious and strange, may as well add to that! Also great opportunity to have the weird sibling dynamic going.

-(Wallace is also very amused by this because as Steven's Best Friend he calls frequently to know how his favorite rock nerd is doing on his big trip and oh, wouldn't you know it, that ridiculous man has fallen in love.)

-speaking of having fallen in love they both have their own separate realizations but they don't talk about it, they just get hit by those feelings real hard after Steven has to leave. Cue both best friends yelling at their lovesick idiots about not talking about it.

-they've exchanged contact info properly by now and will text or call one another but there's something special about writing letters to one another... they've also learned that phone calls can sometimes drag on well into the early morning hours with discussions of pokemon, regional myths, and rock/fossil nerd things.

-Roark will eventually go to Hoenn after being convinced by both Riley and Gardenia (with Riley promising to look after the gym in Oreburgh, despite that being a bit of a delicate decision) and he'll get dragged around everywhere by Steven. It is possibly the most fun he's ever had.

-the first one to ask the other out is Steven because he slips up and says "I love you" in a phone call and there is no way they're not discussing that

-their primary pokemon choices are both very nice but both very different... so they have a silly rivalry concerning Tyranitar and Aggron instead

-Roark tries desperately to keep news of his dating Steven secret from Byron as long as possible. This goes on for a surprisingly long time and later becomes a bit of a joke among Roark, Riley, and Gardenia.

-On the other hand, Mr. Stone finds out about his son now dating someone (and a trainer from another region at that!) pretty quickly because Steven is... not great at hiding things like that

-I like to think of Steven on again off again accepting the position of Hoenn pokemon league champion so sometimes he's there for a while to do champion stuff and sometimes he's taken off for Sinnoh for several months, you just never know

-you can take the boys to the coast but they won't swim they'll just sift through the fucking sand looking for rocks while being fussed at by the people they went with who want them to get in the water already damn it

-the first one to go in for a hug is usually Steven. the first one to go in for a kiss is usually Roark.

-Steven very much enjoys traveling and at the times Roark cannot go with him, he sends him SO MANY PHOTOS and mails him little gifts here and there.

This post got long I'm so sorry but I hope that gives you some stuff to think about!! And here, have some art!

[rainecreatesstuff]

I JUST MADE A RANBOO APPRECIATION POST AND THEN TUBBO STUFF SO HERE WE GO TUBBO APPRECIATION POST BC HE DESERVES IT

So like I am by no means an og Tubbo fan, I just started watching him back in January, but like his streams and content have been so inspiring and comforting. 

Like he is so kind to his fans, and the way he interacts with his chat and fans is genuinely so awesome. Like Tubbo streams just feel so casual and comfy, and the way he jokes around with and actually engages with chat is so cool. 

And like if you’re looking for inspiration to learn something new or do something new, Tubbo is the one to watch. I have been trying to convince myself to learn ukulele for literal years, and then he started learning it on his alt streams and it was like… huh. I can go do that. So I started learning alongside him during streams, and it was awesome. 

And like it’s not just that, he genuinely is so passionate about learning new things about the stuff he’s interested in, and it is so easy to get caught up in that passion and go learn things yourself. After watching his alt streams where he’ll just watch space videos and stuff, for the first time in a while, I’ve felt motivated to actually learn about things I’m interested in. And I think a lot of people are in the same boat as me on that. 

And I am consistently inspired by a lot of his stuff. In terms of my art, drawing his dsmp character has helped me improve SO much. But also his content in general just makes me want to Make Things, because the things he makes are so cool, and it kinda pushes you to make cool things as well. He’s kinda living proof that you can do the things you want to do and achieve the things you want to achieve. This kid is releasing a whole ass song. While also streaming frequently, while also making YouTube videos, while also managing the creation of an entire fucking Minecraft server. He seriously is so inspiring, especially for people like me who struggle to do things we enjoy a lot of the time. Seeing him Do the Things seriously pushes me to also Do Things. 

He is seriously so awesome. There is no one streamer who makes me want to grow and better myself as much as Tubbo does. He deals with so much bullshit, and he still comes out of it kind and motivated. He deserves all the success that has come his way, and I am so proud of him for coming as far as he has. 

TLDR; Tubbo is really fucking cool and kind and inspiring, and he deserves every good thing that comes his way. 

[ohnothewheatisonfire]

ok J&H Fandom, let’s talk:

“Popular” blog @thatsmyhyde​ is a prominent creator in the J&H Fandom. But here’s where the problem shows up: 

the content they make is concerning at least, and full of red flags at worst. 

DISCLAIMER: This is all information I have gathered through their tumblr blog - I am not aware of what other things they may be posting on other social medias or their written work.  ANOTHER DISCLAIMER: Please be polite, I am a minor, and am just creating this post to ward off / warn other minors from following this person. If you are an adult interacting with this post and blog, be mindful of your actions and be responsible

Trigger warnings for: discussions of homophobia, discussions of p//phillia, fat-shaming, fat-phobia (?), etc. Just be on general edge for this post, we’re talking about a lot of weird stuff

I will be linking their posts as I am not going to take screenshots of their art.

This is not a comprehensive list of all the things they’ve done - these are the ones I could think of and was able to adress. If you have anything additional you want to add to this post (such as concerning things they may do on other social media), feel free to reblog and add on the things you need to say, just please don’t be dumb. 

Let’s start with the premise: Henry Jekyll creates an alter ego, Edward Hyde. They begin a relationship - an emotional and physical one. Their AU features Jekyde (A popular ship in the fandom, the name stands for Jekyll x Hyde), people have various views on this ship. 

So far so fine, right? Here are the problems:

1. Their Henry Jekyll is an awful person. Now, let’s start by saying that of course you can have bad people in your works, those are, after-all: villains. The problem is,Henry Jekyll is a harmful walking gay sterotype, and an outlet for Biscuit’s obvious fat fetish. But their relationship isn’t just toxic it’s romanticised in how toxic it is.

a. The harmful stereotype - Their Henry Jekyll has a “thing” for younger men, even though he is in his middle-ages, and Hyde looks like a young child. (Age gap relationships are their own thing - they come with their own burdens, and this is not the post to discuss them. This topic will lead into the Edward  Hyde section of this post.) But, it was a known homophobic scare-mongering tactic of straight parents to accuse everyone who is gay that they are ‘out to prey on your youths’. This is a stereotype that stigmatized the LGBT community, and still harmfully affects them to this day. 

b. The fat fetish: Jekyll is frequently seen with cake (as seen here, here, and here)  or being self-loathing, to the point of suicide. (click the link here to acess a list of suicide and other crisis hotlines! you matter to me!). Now, the self-loathing could be a symptom of depression or other mental illness, so I am not going to talk about it, as a person with mental illnesses.  But the self-loathing in addition to him being fat is not good. Media is drowning in the “self-loathing fat person” and as someone who isn’t thin i’m tired of seeing this. 

- The fetish aspect comes in him constantly being referred to “Chonky”, a term usually used for overweight/obese cats and being drawn obsessed with cake. It fetishises his weight and dehumanises him into something people call their animals. Also, here’s more of Jekyll eating food and being embarassed by it, though this time because it’s seen as “servant’s food”. 

- Biscuit admits to liking them “Big and chunky” in posts like this. 

[Photo id: A string of texts that says: tantok, frankenstein, twink lore, dorian slipped through the cracks and got himself sketched by yours truly the other day because he brought lord henry along, he and the slime didn’t have to fight to the death because they’ve both got their own chonky old toxic henries to focus on, but this blog still ain’t big enough for the two of ‘em. end id]

- They also talk about how they ‘prefer’ to draw fat (chonky) people. Image attatched above. the thing that should be noticed is that they say ‘chonky old toxic henries’ . they, once again, are making fat people a fetish. 

[Photo id: Anonymous asks: are you gonna make a victor design tho biscuit responds: Oh, man, anon, I hate to disappoint but.....probably not. Aside from my non-humanoids and hellspwans (slime gremlins, corpse creatures, and etcetera), I’m extremely uninterested in drawing young thin men. I really need middle-aged chonk to hold my attention. If poor Victor Frankenstein had only been 40-something and round when he made his great creation, then he’d definitely get a design from yours truly. As it is though, he’s not holding my attention enough to want to. end id] 

Biscuit once again talks about how he doesn’t want to draw ‘thin men’, because he is only interested in older ‘round’ people. He, is, once again, bringing to light his fetish for fat people. 

2. Edward Hyde is basically a child - Edward Hyde is drawn in boy’s school clothes, is taken in and raised like a child after Jekyll’s death, and is constantly cooed over by the creator, even earning a nickname of ‘slime’ from them. In addition, he also has ‘family photos’ taken with Utterson, has his toenails kept, is the height of a child, and teeths. This, paired with the fact that he is in a toxic, abusive, relationship with a man in his middle ages is concerning and should not be romanticised. 

[Photo id: the text reads: In his first year of existence, Hyde lost teeth and regrew them in a mildly similar fashion to a kid losing baby teeth - except it wasn’t all of his teeth (Just the canines and some random molars) and they weren’t replaced with a larger set, just with teeth exactly the same as the ones that had been lost. No one knows what was up with this. the teeth are still in Jekyll’s study in a little jar. end id]

a. Hyde is treated like a child after Jekyll’s death. Hyde teething is concerning because that’s something infants do. He also clings to utterson like a child. The idea that he gets taken in by Utterson, whisked away to an estate out in the country, despite both of them having romantic feelings for Jekyll is. how do I put this: WEIRD. (seriously, imagine your father/father-figure dating ur significant other / having a crush on them before you two got together and after). 

b. Hyde dresses like a child, whilst being sexually active and wearing lingerie. Now, on their own, these traits aren’t a problem - but together? They are very much a problem.  

- Hyde dressing as a child is concerning because he is also treated like a child at certain points in their “lore”. After Jekyll’s death, Hyde becomes a singular entity, and is taken away by Utterson. To care for, like a child. This post sums it up well: he wears both children’s clothes and lingerie. 

- Hyde has a very strange appearance - if you compare it to his early design (which was less cartoony and looked more like a man in his twenties), Hyde’s current design is concerning. Why does he have the height of a child? Why does he have eyes that take up a grand part of his face? Now, one could argue that ‘he is not human’ - but if he is treated like a human, whilst wearing children’s/youthful clothes, teeths, and his general enchanment with the world - he appears as human (and looks eerily similar to a child), which is why him being sexually active, wearing lingerie, and being friendly with prostitutes (one that gave him underwear and other articles of clothing)  is concerning. 

- That said, Utterson is directly talked about being ‘adopted into gremlin fatherhood’ (paraphrasing). 

[Photo id: the text reads: 59. Jekyll is irresitibly attracted to everything about Hyde, but if he could somehow be forced to list hte most attractive physical attributes of Edward Hyde in his opinion, aside from Hyde’s youthful appearance in general it would be his eyes, his overbite (Jekyll perceived the way Hyde’s-) the screenshot cuts of the rest of the paragraph. end id] 

- Jekyll has a ‘thing’ for younger men. This is to the point that the most attractive part about Hyde is that he is young. (or looks like it), Hyde looking very young is concerning because that would make their verison of Doctor Jekyll a p*dophille . This is something the artist has either not recognized, realised, or simply does not acknowledge. 

3. The toxic relationship (and how it’s romanticised) - The relationship in this ‘AU’ is: love comes first, toxic nature comes second. If you scroll through the blog you may see some reference of ‘Henry Jekyll is such a toxic person teehee’ and a lot of them kissing, being together, smiling, or enjoying life. Now, obviously, an artist - if they do not want to - should not draw characters being toxic to each other. But it is concerning when the above points come into a factor, that the toxic nature of their relationship comes second to the highs of their relationship, at least on their blog. 

Here is one of the only examples I’ve seen of Biscuit talk about the relationship in a detailed negative light. 

4. The fandom - Whilst Biscuit says it’s ok for minors to interact with his blog (in that blog he says that he tags nsfw - which is true.) he does not regularly mention that his jekyde is toxic - not in a concerete way. He romanticises it (despite acknowledging it’s flaws), and the only way it may or may not be (i would not know) acknowledged is his fic: which is mature and not meant for minors. He does not tag his posts with regular triggers for things like: alcohol, drugs, mental illnesses, or abuse (any variants). They’re not even in his blog’s description! If Biscuit had acknowledged it in his blog, something along the lines of: “Hey! This blog has <content warnings> be warned when interacting! But no, he does not. 

- A lot of the people who draw things, or generally interact with Biscuit are minors. Being exposed to such a thing may be harmful to my peers, and I am worried. To minors who are fans of Biscuit: if you’ve made it this far, thank you, I know you’re mature and responsible, but being exposed to content creators like Biscuit could lead you down a dangerous path of having this kind of thing normalised to you. Be careful with the content you consume, please! And thank you for making it this far, I’m sure you’re a lovely person :)!

Thank you for taking the time to read this! Stay safe, tell the people you love that you love them.