#i start my internship today and i am so scared

[gaudebo]

fellas….

[phoeebsbuffay]

Imagine you are Hayden Christensen's closest friend from college and you help him going through his divorce. Will friendship be enough for either of you? Based on the request made by @calzone-d ...

Warnings: *long post*, drama, explicit smut, fluffy endings.

Recommendations: "Summertime Sadness", "Ride", by Lana Del Rey; “Scared to be Lonely” by Dua Lipa; “Here with me”, by the Killers; “Always” by Gavin James.

***

How it started...

You were 19 years old when you finally got the chance to study cinema at Y/C's university. An old dream you had, to be able to transmit onscreen all your ideas. Your family encouraged you to pursuit the academy of arts in order to become an actress, but you thought yourself too introspective to act.

Well, here you were when you met him. The one who was destined to remain a principal figure in your life over the years. Taking acting classes--well, you did need to study it anyway--you bumped into Hayden Christensen.

"Excuse me", he said to you, a little out of breath.."Is this the acting class with Miss H/N? I fear I am slightly late..."

You remembered finding his blue eyes the handsomest pair of eyes you ever came across with: they were intense, secretive, but friendly too, somewhat emotional. You were instantly captivated.

"Yes, it is. And you are not in the slightest late, young man, but /very/ late indeed. Come in, take your seat, I'll have you updated..."

He gives you a long gaze, relieved for being saved from a bigger trouble—and you can tell he is a freshman like you.

“My name is Y/N”, you side smirk at him.

“Nice to meet you, Y/N. I am Hayden.”

You both shake hands. Something ignites within, but you think it’s because he has such a good aura…

*

“You are such a great actress!”, he is telling you, so many months later. “Quit with the production, you are better than me in decorating the lines.”

You grimace, which makes him laugh. The sound of his laughter is so comforting, like this call to your home.

“I don’t like this acting thing”, you dismiss his compliments nonchalantly. Today, you are in a cafeteria, celebrating the end of another semester. One more to go and you will be ready to keep up with your lives, though you and Hayden had vowed to each other never to be apart. “I feel more comfortable behind the cameras. By the way, I just had this idea!”

And then you lean to him, ready to shake him by his shoulders. He nearly chokes with his coke—but then laughing as always because your impulsiveness often brings him to laughters.

“For the love of God, woman. Do you want to see me dead before the time?”

You side smirk, silently apologizing with your puppy eyes. Hayden smiles back, before encouraging with what you had to say with only a nod. As you do, he seems to suddenly notice how nice your hair looks this day.

“I just had the greatest idea ever! I could film your audition and send to George Lucas. The Star Wars director is looking for someone of our age to portray young Anakin Skywalker. You know, before he becomes Darth Vader, of course.”

Hayden is taken aback by what you tell him. You can see the mix of sentiments that rises behind his blue eyes: insecurity, suspicious before reasoning to excitement.

“What? Are you for real, Y/N? How come did you hear about it? I mean…”

You tell him how your internship led you to it. This is how the fun begins, how both of you in fact begin your career.

*

You are there in every moment of his life: when Hayden has to conciliate his last semester with the filming of “Episode II: Attack of the Clones”, when he tells you that he and his on-screen romantic pair are having a thing.

He is also present at your graduation, the moment when you begin to transit to adulthood. What about it when you get yourself drunk for the very first time?

He is there too.

“I hate the taste of alcohol”, you grumble, unsure how come you are at his couch. “It aches my stomach, makes me sick.”

Hayden chuckles at how all of a suddenly you turn into these kind of discoveries after spending five years in college doing nothing but well behaving. However, due to such a strong bond you two share, he takes care of you.

“This is the moment where I tell you something you told me once: better to put out than to swallow all in.”

You raise your face, eyes twinkling with amusement.

“Did you just hear yourself?!”

“Wasn’t that what you told me?”

“No!”, you laugh hard at his remark. “Oh my God, H!”

He chuckles after you.

“Well, it did make you laugh, didn’t it?”

***

• The subtle changes…

You are single again. Your ex dumped you. Coincidently, Hayden is single as well. He’s also been going through a difficult phase in his life after all the critics coming from the fans of “Star Wars”. “Episode III” of the franchise didn’t go that well and even though it’s been a year since it’s release, he’s still affected by it.

“We’ve been through so much together”, Hayden tells you one day. “We should definitely do something new for a change.”

“I agree”, you sigh. Currently unemployed, you haven’t been yourself lately either. “Any thoughts?”

“A good journey would do us well. Let us go to Scotland”, so he says, excited. “Come on, Y/N. I’ll let you drive!”

You chuckle at his old tendency to be so reckless. And you do so because you can’t refuse him anything. A bad omen you clearly ignore, of course.

“Very well. When should we do this trip?”

But why’d you bother to ask when you know the answer? Hayden smiles warmly at him.

Oh that damn smile…

“Tomorrow. I’ve already bought the tickets and booked the hotel.”

You scoff at him, offended.

“What? Why? Are you taking me for granted, Christensen? For the love of God…”

Just like that he lifts you up and throws you over his shoulder, smiling as you scream out of surprise. As he puts you down, Hayden messes with your hair, delighted when seeing he’s the reason of your amusement.

And he realizes this is a nice view to contemplate: the sight of your smile, the sound of your laughters, the joy that sparks in your eyes… Seeing you like this makes him genuinely smile in his turn and forget about his bad phase.

But he doesn’t realize that this may mean something else. Or perhaps he doesn’t want to. It’s been years now since you and him became the closest of the friends, so what if all of this is just the result of genuine admiration from one friend to the other?

Regardless, he’s going to take you with him to Scotland. And so you go with him… It is wild to consider how you are usually all straight, not doing nothing that goes out the line all the whilst Hayden is more prompted to take chances and live the present quite intently.

On that fact you blame him being very aries all the whilst you, as taurus lady, prefer to know where you are going. However, he makes life so interesting that even you, as already observed, cannot deny him anything.

So here you are now at Edinburgh.

“I love everything that is medieval”, you tell him excitedly with a spark in your eyes that makes Hayden smile. He does like when you speak passionately about the things you are interested. “I cannot believe I took so long to come here!”

“Yeah, me neither!”

It is a good time to be alive, both of you agree. The landscape is seductive, peaceful, traits much sought after such a bad period you both went through. People too are kind, albeit reserved, but very pleasant.

Those days are being built in your memory as something great to be remembered, but perhaps there is just more that neither seem too attentive…

“Lady, one bedroom with two beds”, asks Hayden, when you got to London eventually because he, of course, is a man who plans very little—much to your distress, the woman who likes everything settled.

But this is not any hotel, but a fanciful one. The said lady looks at him pitifully.

“Mr Christensen, my apologies, but there is only a suite with one bed.”

You two blush, but Hayden somehow doesn’t mind it. This is when you realize you not only don’t mind it but you also want it…badly. Perhaps that’s why you sabotage it.

“You know what? Let’s make it for another day. Come now, Hayden. Thank you”, you blurt out, pushing him outside.

“What the hell was that?”, he frowns at you. “Y/N, what’s wrong with sharing a bed? Do you honestly think anything would happen or what?”

He doesn’t realize his words hurt you, but in truth there is more than his subtle frustration at your refusal allows him to admit. There is an unspoken rising desire between you.

And of course you have to ruin everything.

“I just… please don’t be upset! It’s because I cannot afford it and…” and you tell him the other reason for it, which appeases his anger and is more palpable than you’d care to admit: you are expecting an interview.

Hayden softens, naturally, but you know he’s changed. You hate it because you know why. There are so many things that suddenly rise in your throat but they die choked.

Somehow Hayden knows it too. But he chickens away. He hugs you instead, not willing to lose his best friend.

“I’m sorry for being such an impulsive jackass. But we did have a great time, didn’t we?”

Oh but if only you knew what waits for you back to US…

***

• The marriage

Here you are, dressed in yellow, standing as a maid in honor for the bride and groom. Your heart breaks because you realize a little too late that you are in love with your best friend.

Worse is: had you accepted to share one bed with Hayden in London, everything would be different. Yeah, you may not have gotten that job as a producer of that movie, but Hayden wouldn’t meet Rachel Bilson.

Nonetheless, here you are. Celebrating their vows, wondering if you could be there for a moment, what would be like if you were her.

“Hey, Y/Nickname!”, Hayden exclaims after the ceremony is over. He is wearing his gorgeous smile and dressed in fanciful robes, which all highlights his handsomeness. But you have learned to bury everything deep inside your heart. A secret that you’d take to your grave.

“I can’t believe you are married, Hay!”, you giggle when you greet him with a tight embrace. “I’m so happy for you! Oh my God, look how grown up you are!”

He laughs quietly.

“I know right? Who’d ever thought? The idea of marriage was hardly ever entertained for me”, so he says.

“Oh right! As I told Rachel once, I do have recollections of your drunkenness state and all that came between”, you laugh too, remembering the first time he had a hangover.

“What a time to be alive”, says Hayden in his typical good mood.

As you speak, you do seem to come to terms that if he is happy, so are you. You are at peace with it at long last. Hayden, on his turn, for a time seems to have suspected that you harbored feelings for him. But he always ignored it for the sake of your friendship. Now seeing how genuinely happy you are for him, certainly he believes it was all a thing of his head.

But why does he have a bittersweet taste of it?

“Could you introduce me to that man over there?” You nudge his sides, pointing to a handsome man that is not very far from Rachel herself.

Hayden raises an eyebrow.

“Really, now, Y/N?”

“You don’t expect me to be a nun, do you?”

He chuckles.

“Well I don’t want to see you get hurt, is all…”

Quite unwillingly, though, he leads the way. And maybe the night will not end that bad for you, after all.

***

•The divorce and the consequences…

In fact, looking back now it was really a great job pushing Hayden to introduce the guy to you because he ended up becoming your boyfriend.

This new relationship of yours, however, changed the dynamics of your friendship with Hayden for some time—but maybe it was all because he was living a different life now, becoming a father in the process.

A few years rolled upon, though, when everything started to fall apart—for you and Hayden. You found out that your new relationship was damaged because you and your boyfriend were scared to be lonely. A crisis developed to fights, to exchange of words that only broke hearts.

In the meantime, Hayden realized how long he missed his best friend. His own marriage started to fall apart, but the more it broke down, the more he needed you again.

Was it a selfish wish to have you by his side? Such questionings never reached you out due to his pride, that masked his hurt. Perhaps he was only scared to be lonely too. He could deal with it himself.

Nonetheless, destiny—the same destiny that pushed one from the other—is about to bring you two together again. One call and your night would be different.

You are single now, ready to go out that night with your girlfriends when suddenly a phone call startles you. It’s Hayden. Your heart races: he hasn’t been the one to call, and hasn’t done so for a long while.

“Hey, H. How are you? Haven’t heard of you for some time. Is everything ok?”, you ask, concerned.

There is a pause that accelerates your heart. You know he is not well. Before he answers, you immediately add:

“I’ll be in your home in a few minutes.”

“I’ll give you the new address. I’m not living with Rachel anymore: we got divorced.”

You are stunned upon those words. Now your silence leaves Hayden uncomfortable. He breaks it by saying:

“Y/Nickname? Are you there?”

“Yes, honey, I am. I’m so sorry, Hay. Please stay there… I’ll be on my way.”

He chuckles.

“Where else would I go to?”

In a matter of minutes, after requesting an Uber, you, dressed the way you are, arrive to his new home. Hayden side smirks when seeing you, though how he eyes you up and down makes you blush lightly.

“Wow, Y/N. Looking hot, aren’t you?”, he laughs when seeing the pink painting your cheeks, hugging you tight when receiving you. “Please tell me I didn’t ruin your night.”

You slap his shoulder playfully, eyes rolling at his drama.

“Don’t say bullshit to me, Christensen. I just wish I knew it properly before. I hope you don’t mind me looking like this.”

“You have always been a distraction to my eyes”, he teases you, pleased to see nothing has really changed between the two of you. “We need some wine, it’s not really a warming night, I suppose.”

As you look into his new apartment, he promptly gets the best wine to serve you. Without your knowledge, Hayden’s eyes follow your moves: noticing your y/c hair is now on your shoulders, how vivid your eyes are, remaining as observing and curious as before.

He cannot help admiring you physically too: though this is a cold night and you are dressed accordingly, when you drop your black coat on his coach, he sees your warming blouse shows some skin.

Indeed, Y/N, looking as hot and beautiful as always. Such is his thought.

He never really told you but Rachel was jealous of you. According to her, she could see you harbored feelings for him and part of her feared Hayden would correspond. Nonsense, he’d tell her.

But now, was she really so wrong? Yet, another and more important question he asks himself is: how could have he let go of you? Not only about matters of sentimentalism, but you’ve been an important piece of his life.

Seeing you back hurts his heart because he now sees the stupidity in letting go of you. He wishes he could have asked you to wait for him, to never let go of you. But this is such a state of complex selfishness that he quiets his internal riot and puts a smile on his lips when bringing the two of you the best wine he has, aware you prefer the sweet ones.

“I was admiring your new apartment”, you tell him, smiling in thanks as he passes you a full glass. “Whoa, looks like we are having a full drinking night, aren’t we? Christensen, I am not that young anymore. Not sure I am prepared to have a full hangover again.”

Hayden cracks loud and the sound of his laughters makes your heart skip a beat. Nothing feels different, you think, pleased.

“I’m bringing us something to eat, silly head. Besides I’ve always taken care of you, right?”

“That is true”, you agree. “But what are we having to eat today?”

“Always hungry, eh?”, he teases you.

You shrug playfully before saying:

“What can I do? I am a Taurus, you know it!”

He rolls his eyes, laughing loud again at your remarks—and that sound has always made your heart race, hasn’t it?

“Not with that astrology nonsense again!”

You slap his arm playfully before joining him in chuckles.

“Always with that astrology nonsense, silly.”

It is not until pizza is brought to you that the serious conversation is finally there.

“So what happened, Hayden?”, you ask him softly.

He sighs heavily, avoiding your gaze. He is silent, but you are patient, giving some time, for which he appreciates it.

“How often do we fall for the idea our minds make of the person?”, says he, sounding frustrated. “Not rarely we come to romantic ideas of marriage that break before the crude reality, you know? It’s not just about being different, Y/N, it’s… the commitment, I suppose, in making everything right. Turns out we had very different ideas of making it right.”

“I’m sorry, Hay. I really am”, you speak gently, taking his hand to yours, realizing how broken he is makes your heart sensitive to his pain.

He appreciates it, but when feeling your skin against him, Hayden is remembered the days before he met Rachel. The way he made you smile, the jokes that brought him to laughters. How easily it was to be around you, how you softened him. He, who was never a sentimental man, hugged you more times than he realized.

But Hayden sweeps away such memories.

“I am too. But I am fine now”, he shrugs. “I mean, not entirely recovered, but better than being broken.”

“Take your time, it’s the best you can do. How long has it been going on?”

Hayden hesitates but says:

“Six months.”

Your eyes go wide and your voice comes louder than expected:

“YOU HAVE GONE THROUGH A DIVORCE SIX MONTHS AGO?”

At least he has the decency to blush.

“Hayden! How could you keep me in secret for such a long time?!”

You’d remove his hand but Hayden doesn’t let you to. Pulling you to his side, he says, almost in a tone of desperation:

“I thought I could handle this by myself”, he explains. “I really didn’t want to bother you…”

Perhaps it’s the wine, but your tongue runs loose with words that have long been choked in your throat.

“And what am I to you? A second option, a plan B that didn’t work out? You’ve kicked me out of your life, Hayden. You’ve never called me to ask me if I was doing ok!”

He gives you a painful look that makes you regret instantly of what you said. You’d think he let go of you and a fight would come—this happened once when both of you were drunk, though by then you were both silly and immature.

“I’ve got a war in my mind for a long while”, he exclaims, holding your wrist and he pulls you even closer to him. “I was fucking stupid, I screwed it, I know. But never would I kick you out of my heart, Y/N! And I… I’m sorry I was fucking blinded by my pain. But only because I feared to hurt you.”

You await for his burst to end, very familiar with his intensity—but when his blue eyes search for yours, your soul is denuded.

Oh fuck.

“I stepped away because he was a douchebag”, he proceeds. “You deserved better than such a man, Y/N. I’ve heard of his doings but I couldn’t reach you out when… when I was in the mid of a crisis myself.”

“You’ve always been too shut in yourself to let others in”, you sigh. “But what relation is there with the fact I was in a relationship?”

“You deserved better”, he says with greeted teeth, holding your face with his hands, both of you barely noticing how your bodies have been dancing dangerously close to each other. “You are still slow after all this time?”

You are shocked, perplexed by his words. You freeze. Hayden smiles slowly at your reaction.

“I feel it everywhere, nothing scares me anymore. I won’t let you go. Now now, not ever. Fuck, I married the wrong person. Heaven has always been my favourite place on Earth when I was with you.”

“You have always been the best”, you mumble incoherently.

Just like that your lips clash against his. In between fervent kisses, where he pulls you to his lap, no reason is admitted. Not anymore.

“I’ve missed you, Y/Nickname”, he groans against your lips. “Like the sun misses the moon.”

“Always the romantic”, you chew his bottom lip as your hands run over his hair, pulling it gently. “Don’t want your memories anymore. Fuck, Christensen, you took so long.”

“This is not a game, I swear”, he breaks the kiss to pursuit your skin, his tongue already on your neck as his hands hold your hips, making you feel his rigid pants.

“Oh Lord. My worst sin is to never be able to refuse you anything”, you hate how wine makes you speak your mind.

Raising his head to watch you intently, he messes with your hair before holding your chin, drawing you closer to him.

Oh that intensity that involves one to the other!

“Then make me a sinner too for giving you all that you deserve.”

You crawl over him, you know you do, when your tongue pursuits his, one pairs the other rhythmically, perfectly. And then he lies you there on the couch, hands already working to remove your pants.

His eyes are set on yours like that of a hunter about to capture his prey. He knows you are on fire and that he is the gasoline. You lean partly to remove his shirt, hands all over him. You gasp when feeling his muscles under your touch and you want more, but…

“Patience, Y/Nickname”, his voice is husky and domineering when laying you down again.

“Yes, Master”, you giggle softly, in such a state that makes you both smile to the other.

And just like that his hands find way to your thighs, gently parting before inserting one right there in your feminine parts, not really taking away your panties for such.

“Oh, God!” You moan sensually, enjoying his eyes on you as he works wonderfully on you. “This is better than I thought!”

“Is it?”, he groans softly in your ear. “How long have you been thinking about it, dear one?”

“For a long while! God knows how much…”, another moan breaks you, earning him a smirk. “Hayden…”

“Yeah?”

“I fucked him thinking about you”, you admit.

His eyes dart, his body shakes lightly with desire. Slowly moving on top of you, his moves increase intently, watching you with desire.

“Damned be you for never speaking your thoughts to me”, he lifts your blouse gently but you help him removing it. As he starts to kiss your neck down to your chest, your legs begin to get heavy at his tenderness. “You should have spoken it to me…”

“Never had I the courage to do so”, you moan, enjoying having his hand over your neck lightly as he bites down your bra, slowly removing it with his mouth.

“For you should. It would have spared us some time. I fucked her thinking of you too”, he admits it drunkly before burying his lips to your nipple, much to your delight.

Hayden ruins you and it’s better than you could have thought. You want him to yourself, to make him unspeakable things but it’s difficult to do or say anything when his lips are so occupied with each nipple, twirling his tongue around it, sucking and biting it.

The sounds in his living room go louder each time. You are brought to heaven, and only then you take control of yourself again.

“Hayden…”, you barely speak when he finishes with you.

You both are a puddle of mess when you, nude, sit over his lap. You share a drunk look, one filled with the darkest desires for so long muffled, now brought to light.

“Yes, babe?” He kisses your shoulders, groaning as you rub yourself against his hardness. “Will you forgive me for such a behavior?”

His words are barely heard when his head is thrown back because your skillful hands find way to his pants and remove it so soon.

You glance at his manhood, impressed by how it is when it’s this hard under your touch.

“You don’t deserve forgiveness”, you giggle softly as you start rubbing it, enjoying to feel the drip of it. “You should be punished.”

He holds back a gasp at your words. Now eyeing you, interested in your upcoming moves. And when you slide to your knees…

“Babe…”

“Yeah?”

One glance. Unspoken words fill the air. And you take with his mouth at long last, not stopping until you have it all down your throat.

“For God’s sake!”, he gasps. “I can’t wait any longer to have you with me!”

All gentleness is left aside when he helps you settle on his lips and he slides inside you. To feel him throbbing like this, going so hard in you makes you arch your back.

“This feels so good!”

His hands move down your back as his lips pursuit your skin, licking and taking every bit of you—though he does know how much you enjoy when he takes his time around your nipples, which he does graciously.

But it’s not until his eyes meet yours, sealing your lips as much as you seal your bodies together, that all is at long last truly consumed….

***

• Nowadays

In a sober state, everything is better appreciated. Hayden watches as you gleefully prepare breakfast. There is nothing but genuinely love in his eyes.

What had started as an explosion of sentiments for so long kept in secret has now flown to what should have always been: a genuine relationship. From friends to lovers. From lovers to something better.

He smiles, not now missing the lateness of his realization that you have always been the love of his life. He stands and moves to behind you, holding you close and smelling your scent as you prepare him some eggs.

“What? I’ve been sensing your eyes over me”, you giggle like a little girl. “Don’t get me weak again, Christensen. This is so not you.”

He turns you at him and holds your face between his hands.

“I love you, Y/Nickname.”

Hayden smiles wide when seeing a blush painting your cheeks. And he beams when you tell him the same.

“I love you too, H. Though I fear I love you more.”

“That is not true”, he protests in between laughters.

But before you fall into that old cliche you and him enjoy in secret intimacy, breakfast is ready. As you two enjoy that morning moment, it doesn’t strike as how many years have passed before you two achieved it at long last.

“I have news to tell”, says Hayden with a bright smile on his lips.

You rest your chin over your hands and say:

“Well? Tell me at once.”

He appreciates all the love that comes from you. The way you look at him, how genuinely you listen and help him in every moment, how kind you always are, how sincere you speak your heart out. So many virtues and even your flaws he appreciates.

There is so much love between the lines and out of them too.

“I was asked to play Anakin Skywalker again.”

And how fantastic you are as his soon to be wife when you jump in his arms excited with his news.

“That is awesome, my darling! I’m so happy for you!”

“A better start than I could have thought”, he admits, pulling you to sit on his lap.

“You deserve it all”, you brush your lips against his. “I love you, my heart.”

“I love you, my soul”, he whispers back.

And this is the ending you deserve.

***

•Epilogue…

When you show up dressed in red—from your full lips to your body—Hayden feels something rise in his chest.

“My God, you look gorgeous, Y/N…”, so he says mischievously when you show up after leaving him waiting for 30 minutes. “It was worth the time…”

You giggle, blushing lightly after all this time. Your hair is loose wavily, put on side as you wear the necklace and earrings Hayden gifted you in your birthday.

“Don’t be silly. Have they arrived yet?”

The occasion is to celebrate Hayden and Ewan’s series “Kenobi”. Hayden’s aforementioned friend said he was going to pick them up in a limo so they’d go all together.

“They are about to… which leaves us a few minutes”, he places right behind you, holding your waist tightly.

“Hayden… It took me some time to get properly dressed. Besides, I…” you get lost at your words when he starts kissing your neck and his hands move up and down your back.

“What are you trying to say?”

Hayden smirks, enjoying the effect he has over you. It’s been some good years since you got together, but even now he manages to get you speechless.

“I…”

Your mind goes blank when he turns you to the mirror and see the naughty look that rests in those blue eyes. His hands move to your breasts, playing with your nipples before slowly exposing them.

“Hayden… they are….” You moan softly, struggling to keep your composure.

He turns you now against the wall of your bathroom, mouth dropping to your full chest all the whilst his hands move to your thighs.

“Hmm”, he sings softly, humming against your skin. “Hot as hell, wife.”

You try not to fall from your heels.

“Hayden!” You cry out when his fingers find all the way to you.

“You get your man on knees every single time. Getting me overzealous, uh?”, he smirks when going to his knees. “All wet for me, honey? Let me taste you thus…”

You are almost ruined as he does so, his tongue in you the way you want him to. You forget yourself, forget the reason why this expensive gown you bought three months ago was quite difficult to dress—precisely why you’d want to tell him by the end of the night.

You forget your state, you forget you should be checking time before your friends arrive. There is nothing to remember as he fucks you with his tongue deliciously until you are about to come undone…

Just like that he lifts your thighs and before you complain, he slides his manhood within, fucking you slowly and pleasantly.

“Oh God!” You scream but he has to quiet your sounds, especially because… the bell is rang.

“That was quick”, he manages to say breathlessly as he rushes to keep himself recomposed.

You giggle, suddenly shy as you do the same.

“Indeed…”

Hayden finds you adorable and peppers kisses around your face.

“They can wait a little. I thought you wanted to say something… you know, before…”

You two share a giggle and he smiles when you bury your face in his shoulder.

“I… I am pregnant, H.”

He hugs you closer. What a night, what a life with you is. Hayden Christensen could not have been any happier…

[findingnemosworld]

𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥 - 𝐝𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐤 𝐬𝐳𝐨𝐛𝐨𝐬𝐳𝐥𝐚𝐢

・𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐲𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐬.

(𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭)

𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: 𝐝𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐤 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭, 𝐲𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐮𝐠𝐥𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝.

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐮𝐲𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐥𝐮𝐦𝐩 …

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 𝟐: 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐟 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝, 𝐬𝐨 𝐢𝐟 𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐭, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐥𝐨𝐥𝐳, 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧, 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲.

This was it, the biggest moment she had ever experienced, her graduation ceremony.

Physiotherapy has been her greatest passions ever since she was a child, she had graduated school from her home country, opting to pursue a masters degree in Oxford University - and along the way she'd started working as an intern in one of the biggest football clubs known, Liverpool Football Club ... during the internship, not only was she able to implement her thesis topic, but also find love with a lovable Hungarian player.

Like her, Dominik was new to the club which was a common point that led to the pair growing closer during her time working there - eventually, a relationship was born, one that tested time as both were quite occupied with their passions yet despite that, were able to find time for one another.

Dominik was everything she could ever hope for in a man, charming, attentive, funny and ridiculously handsome.

The past ten months were a pure blessing, despite his busy schedule. Dominik would constantly call in to check on her as well as ask about her studies, he'd often sit with her whenever he wasn't busy with training and help her study, even going as far as to ask her about what her thesis topic, further assuring her just how attentive he was to her passion, the same way she did with her constantly being present during every match he played as well as helping him rehabilitate during his injury.

Each and every moment they spent together had led to this very moment now, today was a special day, it was the day she was set to recieve her degree.

The excitement had led to her waking up at around six in the morning despite the ceremony not starting for another three hours, she turns to her right to find a sleeping Dominik, his lips slightly parted, hair disheveled due to tossing and turning, the tattoos quite promiment and peeking from the bed sheets as his chest rose and fell evenly.

She didn't have the heart to wake him, therefore she gently removed the bedsheets from her body and tiptoed to the kitchen to make her-self some tea, she pours water into the kettle and turns on the stove to let it boil, she then proceeds to grab the mug that read, Future Doctor - the mug was a gift that Dominik had gotten her for her twenty first birthday which was quite adorable given that in his words, he knew that fancy gifts weren't exactly what she wanted.

Lost in thought, she barely noticed her boyfriend of nearly eleven months stride up to her from behind, he wraps his arms around her waist and lazily nuzzled his face in the curvature of her neck, "I told you I don't like to wake up alone." he whispers.

A soft smile appears across her lips, "I'm sorry baby, I am too nervous about today, I don't want to look like an idiot."

He grunts something incoherent before he said, "Baba, you won't look like an idiot! If anything, you're the opposite of an idiot."

"I almost spilt my coffee on your chest the first time we met," she reminds him with an amused expression across her face.

He chuckles, "God I wished you did, would have been an excuse to be closer to you back then."

She giggles at his remark, "I'm excited, I'm scared and nervous Domi, I mean I worked so hard for this, I don't want anything to go wrong."

Dominik reaches over to turn off the stove then swiftly turns her to face him, he cradles her face in his hands then proceeds to lean in and peck her lips before muttering, "You are going to look absolutely gorgeous taking that degree, and then I can brag about how I'm dating the most intelligent girl in the world."

His words soften her almost instantly and she proceeds to hug him, "I love you."

He grins then presses a kiss on the top of her head, "I love you too baby."

There was no denying that she had his whole heart, from the very moment he saw her in the training center until this very moment - he was and still hopelessly devoted her, yet the insecurities in the back of his could not help but rear their ugly head, she was so accomplished, so intelligent, well spoken and put together ... what was he? just a guy that became well known for pushing a ball in between his feet because his father wanted him to follow in his footsteps, sure he loved the game, granted the circumstances weren't healthy but in contrast her, he felt like ... nothing.

And boy did he loathe that emotion, it was akin to jealousy, something he had never felt in ages, not since he was a child having to see other children enjoying a normal life all the while his days consisted of training.

"Domi," she murmurs, breaking his train of thought.

"Hm?" he replied, rubbing her back.

"I gotta make my tea." she said.

"Make me one too then, please." he murmurs.

"Ok," she said then kissed his cheek.

He watched her with pure admiration as she quickly whipped up two mugs of chamomile tea, adding a hint of cardamom to help both of them relax for the big day, and as they make their way back to their bed, Dominik couldn't help but wonder if she would be better off with someone else, a doctor perhaps, or a lawyer, or someone with a normal occupation that doesn't force them to be away half the time.

He wanted to ask her, desperately wondering why she would rather stay with him than seek another man, yet he remained shut, especially when she curled up next to him after drinking her tea and quickly drifted off to sleep leaving him with only the ugly insecure thoughts swimming inside of his mind.

__

Dominik was seated with her parents who had traveled to attend the ceremony, dressed in a three piece black suit which he believed was suitable for the ceremony - he noted just how proud both of her parents were which in turn made him happy as the pair had worked so hard to provide her with this opportunity, "She was quite nervous." he remarked.

Her father chuckles, "she's always nervous,"

"Our angel is a pessimist at heart despite recieving the highest degrees, succeeding both in her studies and her extra curricular activites," her mother chimes in. "Hell, she was even nervous before she introducued us to you, she thought we wouldn't approve of you,"

Dominik smiles, recalling just how nervous she was at the propsect of him meeting her parents yet things turned out quite well, her father treated him as though he was his own and her mother doted on him, insisting that he visited whenever he could, "She definitely is ... but look at her,"

They watch in awe as her name was called out, and she gracefully walks up dressed in a beautiful dress topped off by the graduation cape and hat, she accepts her degree, flashing a smile towards her parents and Dominik, then making her way to the empty chair to sit whilst the others recieve their degrees.

"I don't know what I've done to deserve her," he murmurs, mostly to himself.

Her mother leans in and whispers, "You two are soulamtes."

Dominik turns to her then says, "Huh?"

"You think you two just met by chance, not at all," her mother smiles softly then adds, "God has put you in her path and her in yours, you two are more alike than you think."

He grows silent, contemplating if she was right yet the small voice in his head says otherwise causing him to momentarily grow frustrated at how insecure he was. "I love her," he said.

"She loves you too," her mother assures him just before saying, "Oh look, she's set to make a speech."

Dominik shifts his focus towards her as she takes the podium, with a clearly nervous look on her face, their eyes lock for a moment and he sends her an assuring smile, which seemingly worked on calming her nerves.

"Good afternoon," she begins with a soft smile, "I'm not good at speeches but I shall try to make this as short and brief as I can, I'd like to first congratulate my colleagues who worked as hard as myself to achieve their dream and make their mark as future Physiotherapists, it wasn't easy but we made it," she pauses, "I'd like to thank my professors, the department and everyone who pushed us to work hard, and be confident in our abilites, I'd also like to thank God as well as my parents who risked just about everything to give me this opportunity, and lastly, I'd like to thank my boyfriend ..."

Dominik's eyes softened as he sent her a sweet smile, tears brimmed at the corners of his eyes.

"He doesn't know that much about the inner depths of Physiotherapy and god knows I bored him night and day but he stuck with me, supporting me day and night until I got this far, so thank you." she smiled at him. "And lastly, I'd like to say, let's face life with the bravest face we got because it's not easy but it's worth it, thank you."

A thunderous roaring applause rippled through the auditorium as she made her way back to her chair, the photographer snapped a couple of photographs before the graduates were able to unite with their family and loved ones, she rushed to her parents, embracing the two of them as they congratulated her, she then turned to Dominik and said with an obvious squeal, "I made it."

"I knew you'd do it baby." Dominik embraced her before adding, "Now come on, dinner is on me."

"Nonesense, dinner is on us." her father interjects.

"No no, you two are here for two days, dinner is on me." Dominik smiles.

They dine in a beautiful Italian restaurant with a comfortable atmosphere, her parents spent the entire time conversing about the prospects she'd have now that she graduated and while he wanted nothing more than to pitch in, he found himself feeling less like her boyfriend and more like an idiot who did not understand a single thing they said.

She deserves better than you, the small voice reminds him. She's intelligent, beautiful and young, she deserves someone that can understand her, not a dumb fool like you.

Suddenly, Dominik stood up, excusing himself to head to the restroom unaware that she was rather confused by his demeanor as she had noted just how distant and lost in thought he was - she opted to wait until they were home to try and speak to him, meanwhile he was in the restroom, staring blankly at his reflection in the mirror.

What am I? just a clueless idiot who runs after a ball, he lets out a soft sigh, and she's just, ... perfect.

He hated this, this nagging sensation of jealousy coursing through his veins at this moment. Maybe I am holding her back, ... I should just let her go, she would find someone better, someone that can understand her and doesn't feel like an insecure child.

He splashes cold water on his face, then dries it off with a paper towel before stepping out and returning to their table, he sits down next to her and she leans in to whisper. "You ok love?"

"Yeah," he assures her with a smile.

She nods, albeit not convinced as she could tell just how distraught he was.

__

The pair drive back to their shared flat, and the moment they step inside - she stops him halfway before he enters the kitchen - he turns to face her, yet avoids looking her in the eye, "What is it?" he asks despite knowing that she is on to him, and had read through his façade.

"Domi, what's wrong?" she pulls him in, wrapping her arms around his torso.

"Nothing," he grumbles, instinctively wrapping his arms around her lower back. "Just my stupid brain making assumptions."

She frowns in confusion, "Assumptions about what?"

"Us." he blurts out then blushes, "I just ..."

This was difficult, far too difficult than he could imagine yet as he looked into her eyes, noting just how concerned she was for him - he realized that there was no way he could hide his emotions any longer. "I'm jealous, but I'm also insecure."

The phrasing served to both concern and confuse her as she replied with a gentle tone, "What do you mean?"

"You're a graduate with a masters degree, you completed your studies, you had a perfect life ... perfect grades, extra curricular activites and a social life, ..." he sighs then adds on, "All I had was the football pitch and my father asserting that this was the best for me, it's not that I hate football but the circumstances were toxic at best."

Her eyes soften as she reaches to run her fingers through his hair, "I had no idea."

"I didn't want to concern you, it's all stupid ideas. I just, I can't help it ..." he pouts then murmurs, "You deserve better than me."

Her eyes widen at the last phrase, "Absolutely not, if I had the chance to turn back time, I will meet you again, fall in love with you again and picture the most beautiful life with you."

He looks at her then says, "But why? I'm just an idiot who runs after a ball."

"Not to me you're not." she says then leans in to peck his lips. "You're my Domi, the one who makes me laugh with the stupidest jokes known to men, the one who listens to me ramble about the most trivial subjects and my studies, and on top of that he doesn't get bored, you're the one who goes above and beyond during date nights even though he doesn't have to, and you're the one who stole my heart the second I met him, I don't want anyone else to have my heart and I sure as hell don't want any woman to steal you, so what if you're a football player, you're still an amazing man, my man."

Her words were both soft and assertive, serving to lead him to lean in and capture her lips in the most romantic and passionate kiss he could muster, driven by his pure love and affection for her, "I love you baby."

"I love you too" she smiles.

[athenaluciscaelum]

//Minor do not interact//

Pairing: DMC5 Dante x Fem!Reader

Rated: Mature

Words: 3758 word

Warning: mature, patriarchy, misogyny, purity culture, abusive parents, slut shaming, racism, oral

Disclaimer:

This is specially for my all South Asian girl, a little representation, this fiction is what motivated me to start the blog. So I hope everybody enjoys it. I know a similar South Asian tradition can have different variations but I am writing from one we follow, and my own experiences. I do not condone purity culture or parents abusing their children, but sadly it's common, and very true representation. Even within South Asia, women have different degrees of independence or co-independence. The amount of abuse or none they face within household or within patriarchal setup is varying. After all, even gender within is intersectionality itself. This writing stems from my own personal experience and is by no means a representation of the whole of South Asia, but the majority. Me and @altissia-09 brain stormed this idea.

Feel free to leave comments.

LET'S ROCK!

Traditions

You were sitting on the couch near the frosted window of Devil May Cry looking out, not much to see. It was a sunny day, the streets were isolated. It was the start of fall. You could feel a little chill air, but it was pleasant. You always like fall and winter. Your eyes fell on a letter in your hand and following up to your ring finger, a platinum ring with a red ruby stone set in between, a perfect wedding ring, just as you wanted. You thought about Dante, he was out on a mission, and you took a leave from your work today. He was supposed to be back to discuss the wedding. You trusted him and knew he would be back as soon as possible. After all, you were both so excited, you thought Dante would play cool and act like he couldn't care for details. But oh, you were so wrong. He wanted to be part of everything. It was his wedding as well, the only one he intended to do. So he could not miss a thing.

You two were not planning anything grand, it would be just the DMC crew-Nero, Kyrie, Lady, Trish, Nico, Vergil, Morrison, Patty and Enzo. From your side, no one in your family will accept a white man and someone not from the same faith as your family. They are not aware of the Devil yet, nor do they need to be. But anyway, here you are, you were disowned a long time ago when you told them upfront what a shit purity culture was, and you will date Dante because you love him. Marriage can be damned. They totally berated you for how shameless you were, abused you, and were about to raise their hand. But Dante had enough, he snapped. You held his hand tight to ease him. As soon as things got physical, before your mother's hand can land on your cheek, he held your mother's hand to stop her, his teeth gritted and clenched, "That's it. Enough. You don't deserve a daughter like her!" Your mother and family started to insult you like they always do, reminding you of every penny they spent on you and how selfish you were, taking everything and leaving as soon as you find a man.

They curse you that you will know the same pain they feel from your children. But you will not stop loving your children if they are not everything you want them to be. You sighed. You still remember when you were with Dante on your first date. It was early on and Dante was quite broke back then. You were no better in the last semester of your college doing a shitty paid internship. So you two pool in all the money, you both scavenged enough to go on a pizza date. Dante wasn't sure, but you said it's a date enough as long as he is there. You two can walk and talk till your heart's content. Pizza was a tasty addition. As you two were in Pizzeria enjoying Chicken Tikka Pizza, Dante was not sure what atrocity this was, but he tried as long as it had no olives. As you two were talking,your phone rang when you saw 'Maa' on caller ID, all color drained out of your face. You answer so scared and lied you to your mother that you were out with a friend. Dante was surprised you were young but a grown woman. So naturally, as a concerned and loving boyfriend, he asked about your family, at first it wasn't important to him, but now, he can't just sweep this under the carpet, first date be damned. You answered truthfully, you never liked lying anyway, you mentioned how your family treated you. You wanted to be clear about what he was getting himself into secret dates, no night stays, sex is off table for now, he can't call you anytime, and dates would be rare and away from the city. Dante didn't object, but he asked, "So your family do not love you?" You shook your head and answered sincerely, "They do. As long as I do everything they say. Little divergence and I will be unworthy of love, right?" Words hung heavy in the air. He just held your hand tight. The parental love Dante knew was acceptance, no matter what Dante or Vergil used to do, Eva always used to love them unconditionally, and he was sure, she would have even know. Dante didn't have much love in his life, but he was once loved dearly and knew what love is, especially parental ove. You were a perfect little girl back then for your family, but no more, you just dated, even if you were in your early twenties. Your family would not like it, you were never supposed to date. You were supposed to be 'pure' and get married to a guy they choose from the right family and faith, so the chain of your command can be given into his hands. You felt like a dog on a leash. But not anymore, you broke the rules, you were no longer a good girl, you were only you and Dante accepted it. And it only fueled your courage. So, after a few months of dating in secrecy and Dante climbing up to your window to sneak into your room at night, cuddling. While you tried your best to keep your voice down as he was balls deep in your sweet pussy. It was tough, but for him, sure.

After a few months, your family brought up the topic of marriage again, this time seriously. You sighed as they tried to show you pictures of more boys or men who were so pitiful that they couldn't find a woman themselves, or they had strings of flings and what not, but now they wanted a 'pure' girl to settle down. This was very common, and you knew how their pathetic mentality worked. You held your head in your hand as your mama was blabbering about tons of guys she found on a matrimonial site and talked to. She went on about how religious they were, how good they earned and whatever she found best for you. You sighed, "No!" Your mama frowned, "No? It's the right time, Y/N, you should get married as soon as possible and settle down. You aren't getting any younger." You can't take it anymore and went to your room. Your mama followed, "You will get married! You like it or not, young lady, and don't you dare to close the door!" You were in tears from anger, you could never speak in such situations, just cry, yet you spoke, "You can't make a decision for my life!" Your mama glared at you, she slapped you hard and squeezed your cheeks with bruising grip, she spoke hard, "Don't you dare to talk back! I made you! I will do whatever the fuck I want with you! Marry you off anybody I like, or kill you!" You held your knees close to your chest as you cried. You ha enough. You escaped from the window and went to Devil May Cry agency, it was 01:00A.M. Dante was surprised.

Dante held your shoulders, "What are you doing here? You know it's not safe, you were out at this time? You know, some Demon or human could have attacked you." He saw fingerprints and red marks left by how painfully your cheeks were held. His eyes darkened, you felt him lose control, his eyes demonic and his body morphed scaly for a second, he spoke in a cold voice, "Who did this...?" You looked down, "Maa...they want me to get married to guy they choose." Dante frowned, "No way in hell, I am letting you marry a loser." You held his hand, "Let's go...?" Dante frowned, "Right to give your mother, a piece of mind!" You shook your head, "No.... I am doing nothing wrong, I love you, I won't hide it anymore, we are going to face them." Dante chuckled, "Do I need to look presentable?" You smiled, "You are perfect."

You reached your home at 02:00AM. Your mama and papa were shocked as they saw you and Dante at the front door, holding hands. You said, "I love Dante, we have been dating and we have made love. I don't care if you accept it or not, but if you do, it is all I ask you."

Your mama saw you read, she was ready to physically assault you, but Dante pulled you behind him. He spoke disappointed, "Not so fast, lady, you don't get to hit my girlfriend." Your mama shouted, "Your girlfriend! She is my daughter! You tricked my little flower in your bed. You seduced her!" You were quick to cut your mother, you spoke as a matter of fact, "He did no such thing, Ma, I'm an adult, Dante loves, and I love him, and I gave myself to him out of my own free will." Your mama looked at you, she spoke condescending, "Shut up! Idiot! I never knew I raised a whore!" Dante shouted," "Enough!" You looked at your papa, and spoke softly, your voice broken, "Papa?" Your papa sighed, "I am so disappointed in you, I wish I had never had you. But.... let's go in and talk."

You were all seated on the couch facing each other. Your father goes through questions. He sighed, "So Mister Dante, how about you tell me about yourself." Dante was angry but stayed calm for you. He answered holding your hand, "I am Dante, I live on the east side of Capulet City, I run an agency called Devil May Cry, and let's say it's a.......pest control job." Your father nodded, "What faith do you follow?" Dante relaxed on his spot, "None, sir, I have no problem with whatever faith, Y/N choose to follow or practice. She is the kindest person I know." Your father was lost in thought and spoke after a while, "Will you convert?" You snapped, "Papa! Stop it!" Dante stood up, he was calm, "The answer is no. Your daughter helped me accept myself for who I am, so I have no intention of changing." You smiled, you were proud of him. Your mother spoke, "Y/N, can't you see, he is not serious! He is just using you as a toy who is young and innocent. As soon as he is bored, or you are knocked up, he will leave you! You know these people have no respect for relations or marriage. It's all fun and game to them" Dante sighed, "Seriously?" You were cringing so hard internally, "Seriously, maa, this is also racism, you know?"

Before your ma and papa could protest more, Dante took your hand to leave, your father spoke in a spiteful voice, "A step out of the threshold, and you are disowned, him or us?" You sighed, "Well, at least for him, I am enough. I will never be enough for you." You crossed that threshold knowing you would never come back, it was so nice to feel all the chains around you drop, though the pain of losing your parents was there, your freedom helped ease it. Your parents were shouting as you two left, "Just wait! He will leave you in no time!"

You fall asleep with the letter in your hand, the letter containing paper that the documents that you are legally disowned and will not get a single penny from them, like you cared. Dante comes back setting Rebellion and his dual pistol back in their place. He came to you and kissed your forehead, you smiled as you opened your heavy eyes, you spoke softly, "Dante?" Dante smiled, "Sorry, I am late, but don't worry, Trish and Lady are on the way. We will discuss everything. And you can go bridal shopping with girls. Patty will join you as well. Be prepared to be drained."

You just gave him a weak smile, he looked at the letter in your hand, he asked, "What's that?" You shrugged and lied, "More bills..." He shook his head, "Nope! Not in the mood for those. Today, I will spoil my girl! I will go get showered. And we can get started." You nodded and smiled.

After everyone was at the Devil May Cry agency,it was decided you will hold your wedding near the Lake in the forest, since it is a private affair, Vergil will be your officiator, Nero will be Dante's best man, Trish, Patty and Lady will be your bride's maid with one of your close friends, Natasha being your maid of honor. You asked Morrison to walk you down the aisle. He got emotional and agreed. Kyrie was more than happy to take care of everything in Devil May Cry when you two arrived as a married couple. Dante called Lucia, but she didn't answer. You were aware of her feelings for Dante, you thought it was best not to press her. Matier was happy, she sent her blessings and regards. Matier laughed on the call, "So this was your reason, Dante?"

You and the girls were ready for bridal shopping. Patty asked, "You will look great in a white dress!" You answered a little shy, "I don't want to wear a white dress, we traditionally wear red, Dante,I want to wear a red dress. I don't hope to find a lehenga or saree here, so dress will do." Dante smiled, "I love red!" You giggled. You looked at him, you spoke a little unsure, "There is another tradition I want to add, everyone." All eyes were on you. You were nervous, "Well, it's called Henna Night or Mehendi, a night before marriage, all girls apply henna on their hand and especially Bride. They say the deeper the stain of henna, the deeper the love. And also in henna design in brides' hands. You hide the name of the groom somewhere in the design." Trish was curious, "Why is the name of the groom hidden?" You blushed, "Well, that will be a task for Dante. Nico thought, "I heard the stain is dark, because you are actually horny and body heat decides the temperature of the stain." You were red and everyone laughed, Dante was grinning like an idiot, he spoke proud, "Awww babe, I will make sure you get the deepest stain." And everyone laughed again.

On the night before the wedding, your friend Natasha came to pick you and the other girls to her house. Dante protested, "Hey! Not fair!" Natasha smiled, "Come and get her tomorrow." As you and the girls were in the car, Natasha blew all the typical Bollywood marriage songs in her car music system on drive to her home, you were not much of party person. But it was fun how much everyone was enjoying it. At her home, the whole living room was decorated with mattresses on the floor and white sheets on them, there were pillows everywhere. Marigold flower strings decorate the wall. Henna cone on a silver plate. Trish, Lady, Nico, Kyrie, and Patty enjoyed the night of applying henna on each other, their designs were 'unique', you could not stop yourself from laughing as they danced to Bollywood songs and were trying to make sense out of saree. They tried tons of traditional sweets. You were sitting quietly, your hand lay flat on the pillow and Natasha was applying henna to your hand. Traditionally, it was supposed to be till elbow but you both decided to cut it short. You saw Dante's name hidden on your left hand's index finger. You smiled at Natasha, "He won't be able to find it." Natasha laughed, "Good, then he is getting no action on his wedding night. Now let it dry, it's not wet, but the longer it stays the better the color. I will apply some lemon juice and sugar on it, so it doesn't dry and shed off quickly." You nodded as Natasha did just that. You were sleeping alone in the guest room, hands above your head so they don't touch anything and ruin the henna. You couldn't sleep, you were so excited. You felt something in your room, before you could sit up, a hand on your mouth kept you down, it was beautiful icy blue eyes and the smile you loved most. He puts a finger on your lips, "Shh.... it's me....angel .." Your eyes were wide, you whispered "Dante....why are you here...? It's not good." Dante chuckled, "You are marrying a devil, don't tell me you are afraid of bad luck." You giggled, "But why are you here?" Dante was above you, he smiled, loving how your hands were above your head, and you were at his mercy. His fingers pulling the string at the back of your neck, he answered, "Because this reminds me of the time when I used to sneak into your room and....as a loving husband..." You corrected, "Fiancé." Dante puts a finger on your lips, "Shh....husband. I have to make sure my love is a wonder, and you get the deepest red stain, my angel."

You blushed, "Dante..." Dante chuckled, "Don't move, we don't want this beautiful design ruined. Stay still and quiet for me?" You nodded.. Dante leaned to kiss your lips, you kissed him back with equal fervor, it was torture that you couldn't touch him. He pulled off your dress and fondled your breasts. A hand keeps massaging and squeezing your breasts, your eyes squeeze shut, as his head trails down from your breast, to your stomach, to your lower abdomen with trails of kisses. He reaches your core and places a kiss from your vulva to your clit through your panties. He parts your legs with one hand. As both his hands come down to spread you and kiss each side of your inner thighs, until he decides it was enough tease. And, he settled his head between your legs, taking off your panties, hooking his arms on each of your thighs, he eats you like a starved man. He started with a soft little kiss on your nub, then his tongue flat, licking broad stripes from your vulva to your clit, sucking on your nub till you were a whimpering mess, your legs trembling. He parted your folds and puts his thick middle finger in, screwing you in and out while sucking on your clit, lapping all your juice. You were a mess, biting your lower lip, your head nuzzling your pillow to keep quiet. He keeps altering between using his finger and sucking on you. Your legs are shaking, a tell-tale sign of your orgasm, but he got a build it more, leaving you all hot and bothered for long. He pulls away and you whine. Dante smirks, his thumb on your cheeks, "Aww... My angel wants to cum?" You nodded eagerly, all flustered and panting, while making sure your henna design isn't ruined. You whispered, "Dante please." Dante rubs circles with his thumb on your clit building you up and stopping as soon as he realizes you are about to come. You were a whining mess, "Dante, please." Dante kissed a side of your face and close to your mouth, "Please what? Babe." You whine, "Let me cum ....." Dante nods, "As you wish." He puts a finger into your throbbing pussy and slides it in and out, adding another, you buck your hips, and he chuckles, how eager his angel is. He picks a pace a little to build your orgasm, but as you were so close, he pulls away, "Not so fast, sweetheart." You cry silently and thrash your leg, he smiles, leaning down to kiss your sensitive spot on your neck, helping you ease and making you shiver, as he keeps kissing your neck, sucking it hard to leave marks. You cry, "Let me cum ... Dante" Dante sighs and pulls himself down to nuzzle your pussy, his stubble grazing your delicate pussy..he licks it and sucks on it. He fucks you with his tongue in and out till your body trembles, and you cum in his mouth, he laps it all, licking it clean. You bit your lips hard to not scream. He puts your legs back down as your whole body trembles. He kisses your cheeks and pulls away to stand up. He smiles, "This should make sure you get a deep stain." You were too tired to say anything, you fell asleep in no time, Dante cleaned you to put your dress back on, covered you with sheets, your henna was dry enough to let your arms rest beside you. He kisses your forehead as he leaves, jumping from the window.

The transition from morning to the Lake was smooth. You were wearing the red dress you chose. It was perfect. Dante made sure you got the dress of your dreams. Your Henna design was beautiful. It was the deepest shade of red. A red veil covers your beautiful face. Morrison walked you down the aisle where Dante was waiting in a black tuxedo with red tie, you smiled through a veil, Vergil spoke in an authoritative voice, "Sit down, everyone. Tonight, we are here to the satanic matrimony of a star, and a a star, and a fool." You giggled, everyone laughed, Dante just huffed. Vergil smirked, he continued, "there is no such thing as anyone objecting to this wedding, so do not even try, or else..." Everyone felt the cold glare. You smiled at Dante. Vergil looked at everyone, "Hmpp... exchange your vows." You spoke, "I vow to always make you smile, to accept you for who you are, to love you through the happiest and the saddest times, I vow to understand you always, to be there for you. To be there when you need me and make you the happiest man ever. As you made me the luckiest woman in the world. I will never stop trying," You were emotional and your voice breaking, Dante was serious..he took your hand in his. "Y/N, I vow to protect you, take care of you, try to give you everything I can, to love you even if we have our differences and respect you for who you are. To make you happy, as you make me the happiest man in the world."

Vergil nodded smiling, "Dante, do you take Y/N as your wife?" Dante smiled, "I do." Vergil looked at you, "Do you take Dante as your husband?* You nodded eagerly, "I do! I do! I do!" Dante smiled, Vergil tried not to smile like ab idiot, "By the power vested in me. I-" Dante cuts him, "Wait-wait, we are vesting no power in you." You nodded through your veiled face, "Yeah, you go Third Reich crazy with power" Vergil clenches his teeth and spoke, "Silence!" You to snickered and were quite when Vergil glared. Vergil sighed snd spoke casually ,"You are now husband and wife. Kiss, idiots!"

Dante took off your veil to look at your beautiful face, he scooped you in his arms and kissed you deeply. You kissed him back cupping his face, everyone clapped and smiled. It was followed by a ton of music, dance, food and everyone congratulating you both. When you both came back to the agency, Kyrie cleaned the whole place, Dante was carrying you bridal style, you went upstairs to your bedroom before him. It was decorated with roses, candles, and a vanilla fragrance. You sat there with your veil in the middle of bed. When Dante walked in, he was eager. He was about to take your veil off when you held out your henna-stained hand in front of him. You spoke flustered, "It has your name, find it, you can't make love to me, unless you do." Dante chuckled and smiled, "okay, I was in the mood for something else, but I do not mind earning it." Dante looked hard, he tried, he really tried, he was losing patience, "Is it in english?" You nodded. Another five minutes, he sighed, "You are messing with me, there are no names in it." You laughed, "There is!" He tried and as he about to give up, he grinned excited, "There it is!" He pointed at index finger of your left hand and you nodded. He wasted no time in taking your veil off and pinning you to bed. He was eager to take your dress off, but he felt resistance, he raised his eyebrow, you laughed. "Wedding dress are hard to take off, dummy. Now help me out of it, I don't want my wedding dress ruined. As you both took all pins out and lil stitches out of way. It took quite a while to get you out of the dress. Dante was exhausted with such delicate work of making sure everything is off and dress is intact, "Who makes such dresses!?" You laughed, "Well, it's pretty..."

That night, Dante didn't get to enjoy the fruit of his labour to say the least.

Tagged: @marshmallows-and-champagne @altissia-09

[alexologyart]

[WIP] A young Entrapta killing the Last King of the Scorpioni

Is okay to cry for what had been lost, my dear. Tomorrow is a new day, as for today the child you once were had died.

Maybe no the most happy of drawings, but I think is a good one to finish 2023.

Firts of all, I hope you all had a very happy Christmas this year, and I wish an equally Happy New Year!!

This year has been rough for me, I passed my internship with the highest grades in July, and now I am days to finish my thesis finally.

In the past months there has been very little updates from me, no art whatsoever, and I'm ashamed of say, not even commission updates for those who had been due theirs. I apologize profoundly.

At the beginning of 2023 I experienced a back injury that took months to heal, the pain was too much, and still today I feel the reminicent of it. At the same time I've been too exhausted by all the requiriments to finish this big step in my life to become a professional and academic in my field, that I negleted the one thing that brings me the most joy in my life.

I am not good balancing work and life, and this took a toll on me. For the first time in long time, that part of my life that brings joy became a burden, I indentified it as a distraction, and I turned it off completely.

This happened because I'm experiencing a big sense of dread to the prospect of what the future awaits for me, trying to search for summer jobs without avail and feeling disappointed all over, feeling depressed because I feel stuck and not growing as an adult reaching 30, there are a lot of expectations to what I could do after getting my degree, defending my thesis on March will be one of them. And this has taken all my energy and time from creating things I love, to the point I even asked myself what was the point of continuing with it.

Art is one of these things that has been with me for the longest, starting drawing when I learned to hold a pen, even before knowing how to write, but in the past six months, after spending a great time without even sketching, I was afraid I had lost this ability, as my head was on Uni, and my body felt heavy by all the stress I didn't want to even check if I could still draw.

I do, I can still draw, although slowly and always resting. My brain needs to adapt again to what it was after months of not doing so.

Creating this version of Entrapta has been a roller coaster of emotions for me, she helps me to express myself and I love thinking in new ways to draw her, I don't care she is not really an original character, but mostly the deep emotional connection I have with her while writing and drawing her story.

She is strong, she is cunning, she is fierce and intelligent. But even a woman like her has to have moment of vulnerability. And this scene, is a pinpoint moment; killing while losing something of herself, quite literally, not feeling fierce but fragile, in pain, and overwhelmed.

Is something that I have reflected a lot the past months, to realize I am entering a moment in my life I should allow me to feel and not to restrict myself from the things I love, so I will try to take my time facing the situations that scares me and as well trying not to feel overwhelmed and anxious for what is to come.

If you would like to support my artistic journey, you can do so on Patreon and Kofi! I would greatly appreciate it! wish you a Happy New Year!

[eitaababe]

CHAPTER TWO.

╰┈➤ DIFFICULT !

series masterlist. | previous / next

a/n — this is literally so short and such a filler chapter too i'm sorry it took me so long to get out </3

─── ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ───

By the end of the morning, you've concluded that you have arrhythmia.

It has to be, because you're trying to deny the only other possible reason your heart would be beating this fast in your chest.

And it doesn't make sense, really. That you're getting nervous around a boy you met maybe only a few days ago, a boy who practically ran you into a wall on the first meeting.

You can't wrap your head around the countless daydreams you've gotten lost in, all involving what you've imagined to be a warm touch, a contagious smile, and just being with him.

And it's stupid, childish and unlike you, to hopelessly lose yourself in some dumb fantasy with a cute boy you really don't know at all. But in spite of your efforts, you still can't help yourself falling down the rabbit hole of what if's.

So you ignore his many texts to you, his number not saved in your phone but memorized from the amount of texts you've gotten. Lo'ak was concerned for you— that much was made clear from the amount of 'how are you's?' or 'u sure u ok?'.

But you refuse to respond to them, leaving him on delivered, despite jumping up every time you get a notification on your phone and seeing that it's from him.

You're dozing in and out of conscious when you realize your morning lecture is finally wrapping up, the people around you all starting to pack up and leave. You're close to doing the same when the professor calls your name, and you turn around, scared he's about to scold you for your lack of attention today. "Yes, professor?"

"I wanted to talk to you about an opportunity from one of our trainers here on campus."

You raised a brow, intrigued. "Really?"

"Yes," he continues. "She's looking for an apprentice for a few months, to help her during the basketball games. She was asking for one of my better students, so I recommended you. It would also count as your internship part for this class."

Shocked and now wide awake, and a little proud you were recommended for the job, you smiled, nodding your head excitedly. "I would love to! Thank you so much for the recommendation. Do you know how I can contact her?"

"Her names Coach Via, here's her card with all her information. She's really eager for you to start— if you're able to you can meet her in the gym right now, basketball's training right now."

"I'll be right on it, thank you so much again!" You called out as you exited the classroom, locating the entrance of the gym and opening the doors, stilling as soon as you walked in.

You were met with the dribbling of basketballs and the sound of shooting, when everyone seemingly paused as you walked in, clearly invading their practice time.

"Um, hi," you called out, pausing when you scanned the room of unfamiliar faces, landing on the one you were trying to avoid this whole time.

He was on the basketball team?

Your throat went dry, and you snapped out of your state of panic when you realized nobody greeted you back. "Sorry, I'm looking for your trainer? Via?"

At the sound of her name, the girl walked in with the coach, who yelled at the boys to be respectful to the newcomer, and for them to continue on with their practice.

They kept on, all ignoring your presence except for a certain three boys, which went over your head as the trainer and coach approached you.

"You must be Y/n."

At the call of your name you nod, shaking hands with the woman. "And I'm guessing you're coach Via?"

"That I am. Thanks for coming on such short notice, by the way. It's nice to have a helping hand over here."

"Thank you, really. It's a great opportunity for me." You smiled, gaze faltering to the boy just across the room, doing a 1v1 drill with another teammate.

The coach, who you forgot was standing near you both, finally spoke up. "Thanks for helping around here, Y/n. I apologize in advance for the boys though, do you know any of them?"

As you look back, really only paying attention to Lo'ak, you shake your head no. "Uh- no, can't say I do."

"Ah, I'll make sure to introduce you at the end of practice then."

You thank the head coach and follow Via into another room, looking around curiously.

"This is where we store most of our supplies— tape for the boys, any kt tape, ice and whatnot."

"Gotcha." You smiled, and before Via continued there was a knock on the door, someone's large figure taking up the space in the doorframe.

"Sorry, am I interrupting?"

You're almost sure you're having a heart attack when you recognize the voice.

"Not at all!" Via replies before you can process what's even happening. "What do you need?"

"Jammed my finger, just need it taped."

"This sounds like one for you, Y/n," The girl innocently smiles, completely unaware of the panic she's just caused. "Tapes in the drawer over there. I'll be back in the gym if you need anything else."

And then there were two.

You quickly move to the drawer before either of you get the chance to say something, grabbing the roll and moving towards Lo'ak, hesitantly reaching for his hand. His touch is warm— hot against your icy hands and somehow soothing.

"Which fingers need to be taped?" Your tone is formal, distant and cold, and Lo'ak frowns at the way you address him.

But he decides to stay silent, opting for wiggling them and letting you do your job.

You take the tape, gently closing the two fingers together and wrapping the strand of tape around them, tearing it off and sticking it closed. "Anything else?"

He's quiet for a quick moment, eyes traveling upwards to meet your own. "Why are you avoiding me?"

You freeze with your back turned to him, in the process of putting the tape back. "I don't," you stutter, unsure of how you got stuck in this situation. "I don't know what you mean."

"Look, I'm sorry if I was too forward or anything, but you stormed off that day in the cafe," he recalled, walking over to stand in front of you, trying to meet your eyes again. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, you didn't," you shake your head, coming up with an excuse. "I was in a rush. Didn't think I would make it to class on time."

"Liar," He calls you out, and you feel frozen once again, scared that he'll say out loud what you've been thinking the past week.

"You were just too scared to ride on my motorcycle again."

Or maybe not.

You almost breathe out in relief, and shake your head, laughing lightly. "Whatever."

"Don't 'whatever' me!" He laughs back, looking down at you. "I promise next time I'll take my car."

"Next time?" You inquire, raising a brow.

"Well- I mean- what I meant-" He stumbled over his words, scratching his head awkwardly. "I was kind of hoping there was gonna be a next time."

"As long as you're still paying, that's fine by me."

"It's a date," He grinned foolishly as he started to leave the room, heading back to practice. "I mean-"

"It's a date." You find yourself confirming it, your grin matching his.

─── ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ───

After basketballs practice ended, you head back to the apartment, immediately crashing onto your shared couch.

What's gotten into you? You're asking yourself so many questions, unable to train your mind from thinking of Lo'ak, how it felt to have his hand against yours, or how you're all of a sudden agreeing to a date with the boy you've met just a couple weeks ago, if that.

You're interrupted from spiraling any further when the jangle of keys sound from outside, and you realize your roommates home.

She's fast to notice your state of mind as you lay on the couch.

"What's wrong, roomie?"

"I hate men." You confide, groaning into the pillow.

"There's a boy?" Tsireya asks, her tone changing from concerned to curious. "Who is it?"

"Lo'ak Sully," you admit, and with your head buried deep into the couch, you miss her shocked expression. "I guess I agreed to go on a coffee date with him."

"I know him!" Tsireya pipes up, and you raise your head.

"You do?"

"He's a sweet guy, y/n. We're friends, kinda. But what's wrong with him?"

"Nothing! That's the problem!"

She tilts her head dumbly at you. "...What?"

"I've barely known the guy for two weeks and I can't stop imagining stupid scenarios about him. I hardly know the guy, I don't even know why I'm doing this." You complain as Tsireya takes a seat next to you.

"Y/n, it's okay to go on dates with people, you know? Have some fun, and you'll get to know him along the way. Stop throwing yourself into this fit of worry, and just enjoy the moment."

"That's-" you paused, taking a moment to collect your thoughts and stare at Tsireya. "Good advice, actually."

"What can I say, it's what I'm good for." She smiles at you, leaving to her own room, and you alone with your thoughts.

─── ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ───

You wake up to another text from Lo'ak, and you're sure of it, as you'd finally saved his number in your phone.

'Pick you up in 10?'

You respond with a quick 'yes' and get up, rushing to get ready on time. With no class today, you're not too worried about your books, settling for packing your laptop and your notes, then meeting Lo'ak outside, slightly shocked at the sight of a car.

"No motorcycle this time?"

"Couldn't risk bringing it, it was driving you away," He grins, unlocking the door. "Same cafe?"

"Yeah." You nod, still speaking quietly, and still somewhat reserved, despite Tsireya's advice.

"You're quiet." Lo'ak points out, not taking his eyes off the road.

"What if I'm normally quiet?"

"Something tells me that the way you kept rambling about the motorcycle that you're not as reserved as you say you are."

"Whatever," You brush him off with a roll of your eyes, leaning back in the chair. "Maybe I just don't like you."

"You agreed to go out on a date with me!"

"Maybe I felt bad."

"Literally get out." He joked, his laugh echoing loudly throughout the car.

"I'm not getting out of a moving car, Lo'ak."

"I could pull over and let you out."

"Shut up and drive me to my free coffee please."

"Starting to regret asking you out on a date." He smiles, glancing over at you before pulling into the parking lot.

"No you're not." You retorted, waiting for him to park and getting out and grabbing your bag, walking to the familiar cafe.

"Yeah," he smiles at you, and you're sure your heart skips a few beats with how he looks at you. "I'm not."

As you walk into the cafe, you realize, you're in a lot deeper than you thought you were.

And maybe you don't realize it,

But so is he.

taglist / open. @s-surreality @il0veheartz @blueforte @etherialblackrose @syulangg @anonymousailurophile @ipoopedmypants47 @neqeyam @alwayswndr @doulcha @n7ytiri @8resa @yukichan67 @teyums @fangzyz @danyxthirstae01 (tags that don't work in comments)

[spideysbruh]

Gone Now

im a slut for flashbacks im sorry lol

tony stark's daughter (and peters gf) blip while they're on the planet and she's at home.

This can be read as y/n i just cant write in second person sorry lol hope you guys like the name riley.

~

"I like this dress the most, you would look great in it, Pepper!" Riley said as she flipped through wedding magazines in the compound.

All day today, Riley was trying to occupy her mind and not think about where her dad and boyfriend were doing right now. Peter had webbed her hand to the school bus they were on earlier and told her to stay there and get home as soon as possible. 

Riley was resting her head on Peters shoulder when he shot up and looked out the window, “Holy shit.” He mumbled and Riley looked up and over at Peter, “Stay here, okay baby?” He said quickly and turned around and told Ned something, but she was too busy staring at the giant circle spaceship in the sky.

“Pete, wh-”

“Stay here!” He exclaimed over all the commotion that Ned had caused, Riley watched as Peter opened the window and climbed out, “Just- let me know when you get home, okay?” 

Riley went to get out, considering her dad made her a suit as well, just in case, he had told her. “Peter you ca-” She was cut off by Peters web hitting her hand and making it stick to the bus.

“I’m sorry! I love you!” He yelled before swinging away.

“God damn it. Ned, can you help me?” 

So now she was here, trying to not think about her dad and boyfriend fighting some weird aliens. “Do you want to get married?” Pepper asked while pulling out more wedding ideas from a box she had.

Riley blushed and shrugged, “I dunno. To the right person, y’know? Just- one and done.” Pepper gave her a teasing smirk and they both giggled.

“Like to Peter? Is he the right one?”

Riley smiled and felt her heart tug at the mention of Peter, hopefully he’s okay. “I mean… yeah, he’s perfect! But- we’re still so young.” She replied and raised the magazine to cover her face.

“You guys do seem perfect together, but what do I know? It took me and Tony took forever to get together.” She laughed, Riley smiled and thought back to when her and Peter first met.

“Riley! Hey Riley!” Peter yelled, running up to her in the halls of their school.

Riley turned around, “Hi… Peter right?” She smiled and Peter nodded, his cheeks turning pink. She knew who he was.

“Y- yeah! I saw we had English together, I was wondering if you were willing to help me with my essay?”

“Why? Cause i’m Tony Starks kid? Honestly, just because he’s a genius, playboy- whatever the fuck, doesn’t mean I am too.” She joked, but Peter seemed to think she was serious.

“Uh, no no! I just saw that you had finished yours! I thought-”

“I know, Pete. I was joking… it came off serious- god I don’t know how my dad does it.” She sighed and Peter chuckled. “You can come today over after school? Is that cool with you?”

“Uh, y- your place?”

“Yeah. Or yours, wherever you like! Just let me know.”

“Um-”

“...Are you scared of my dad?”

“.. A little!” He answered honestly, Riley laughed and started walking to her next class.

“So my place it is. You can rip the bandaid off and maybe I can get you an internship with him!” She smiled, sending him a wink.

She knew he was Spider-Man. 

"Oh shit." He mumbled.

"I always thought we were weird together." She said honestly, "Like we don't make sense, y'know?"

"No way! You guys are both adorable little nerds who love to geek out over Star Wars and… hot celebrities! I don't know,  whatever you guys like." She smiled. Riley laughed and watched as Pepper reached for her glass of water.

"You think they're okay?" She asked, the mood switching to a more serious one. 

"I know they are. They'll take care of eachother. Don't worry, hun." Pepper reassured her, "I actually have something to tell you… um, now is probably not the right time, but-" She was cut off by her phone ringing, she sighed and picked up her phone. "Tony?"

Riley quickly sat up and motioned for her to put the phone on speaker, Pepper did it quickly and they both listened to the silence on the other end.

"Dad? Is everything okay? Where's Peter?" Riley asked, her heart hammering in her chest.

"God, kid. It's always about your spider boyfriend. What about your cool dad?" He joked, and the girls sighed in relief. "He's fine, by the way. Um- Thanos is- he's not here anymore. We think he went to Earth. So, here's what I need you to do-"

"Thanos?" Riley whispered and Pepper shrugged.

"I can't… lose you guys, not now. I need you two to promise me that you won't go to… wherever the team is and fight. I need you guys to stay home. Safe. Okay?"

"Tony, what is going on? Who is this Thanos guy?" Pepper questioned and Riley thought about how Peter is still out there. "And where are you?"

"I'll explain when I get home, I promise. Just please do what I asked. I gotta go okay? I love you girls." 

As fast as he had called, he hung up. 

~

About an hour later, the girls are still waiting for literally anything from any Avenger. 

"That's it! I'm gonna-"

"You're not leaving." Pepper said, flipping through a magazine, "Oooh I like these flowers."

Riley scoffed and walked towards her room, "I'm gonna try something." She called out and quickly typed something onto her computer. About a minute of typing led to her seeing where Peter and her dad were. 

"What the fuck?" She whispered, "Pepper?" 

"What is it, honey?" 

"Um… you gotta see this!" 

Pepper rushed to her room and looked at her computer. "How did you learn this?"

"Do you know who my dad is?" She smirked, Pepper let out an exhale and looked back at the screen.

"This says they're on an entirely different planet… I-"

"Well I mean, it could be wrong- it's not- but it could be." Riley shrugged and quickly typed some more before getting two earpieces from her drawer. "Only one way to find out." She said and handed one to Pepper. "Put that in."

"What- you're gonna connect to them and we'll be able to talk to them?" Pepper asked, watching the girl type so many codes and overrides.

"Mm yah. And it should work… right now." She said and pressed enter. "Hello? Peter? Dad?"

There was some static and then Tony's voice, "Oh my god, Riley?!" 

Pepper smiled and left the room to talk to Tony without interrupting Riley.

"Ri?! Oh my god- are you okay? How-” RIley smiled and felt her eyes water at Peters voice.

“C’mon, my dads a genius, I can hack into your guys earpieces.” She replied and Peter chuckled. “I’m so glad you’re okay, Peter… I- you left so quick-”

“I know, I’m sorry I just didn’t want you getting hurt, you didn’t have your suit and Mister Stark would’ve killed me!”

“Damn right.” Tony said and Riley laughed.

“When are you coming back?”

“I- I don’t know, baby. Thanos is- I almost had the gauntlet off but then- well, he left. He’s down there we think.”

“What’s gonna happen if the guys down here don’t defeat him?”

“Don’t worry about that, sweetie. We’ll figure it  out.” Tony said, Riley sighed.

“Talk to me about something else! What did you and Pepper do today?” Peter asked, he sounded cheerful but Riley knows it was just a front. He was just as scared. And he knew more than her. Riley exhaled and opened her blinds, letting the sunset hit her room, giving her room a nice orange glow.

“Well, we mainly looked at wedding magazines, saw some cute dresses.”

“Yeah?” Peter smiled, his heart swelling.

“Yeah,” Riley giggled, and leaned forward, staring out the window, “Just wedding planning, I have a whole pinterest board for the wed- what the fuck?” 

“What?!” Peter exclaimed.

“Oh my god! Pete, there’s something happening…”

“Oh, f- Riley, baby what do you see?” Peter asked, tears already coming down his face as nothing but fear overtook his heart and mind.

“What is it, Riley?” Tonys voice came in.

“It… looks like… dust?”

That made Peters heart stop, it happened. He looked behind him and saw as Mantis slowly disappeared, he choked on the air and 

“Dad?... What’s happening?” Riley whimpered, watching as people disappeared on the streets below her, she heard a crash but didn’t dare look up at the sky.

“Riley, honey, it’ll be okay- j- just breathe, like I taught you, remember?”

Riley took in one deep breath and held it for a few seconds before letting it out.

“Dad, I’m scared.” Riley cried and looked at her legs, they were still there. Then her arms, all good.

“Don’t- it’s okay, Riley, you’re okay.”

“Peter?” She whispered, like she was afraid it would happen to her if she spoke any louder.

“Y- yeah, Ri?” Peter sighed, trying to focus on Rileys voice.

“You remember the first time we hung out?” She giggled, looking down at her legs again.

It started.

No pain.

“Yeah, baby.” He laughed, wiping at his face and nose. He felt something was off with her, he knew it was happening.

“You needed help with your essay, but we just ended up arguing over which Star Wars movie is the best?” She smiled as it spread up to her waist, she was half gone.

Peter chuckled, “Yeah. I just had to get to know you better. You were too cute. I didn’t care about the essay.” He replied softly, Tony smiled at their conversation.

Riley giggled, “Peter?... I love you. I know I don’t tell you that enough but- I do. I really love y-” 

She was gone. All that he heard now was static and the eerie wind behind him. Tony walked up to him and pulled him in for a hug. All while also letting himself cry.

“Fuck!” Peter yelled, falling to his knees and gripping onto Tonys arm.

“We’ll get her back, Parker. I promise.” He mumbled, his hearing zoning out as heard Pepper walk into Rileys now empty room. He could hear faintly, “Oh my god!”

“Pepper! You stay there, alright? I can’t lose you t-”

“Uh, Mr. Stark?”

*

[builtbybrokenbells]

Spitfire | vi

Rumours spread around the internet, causing turmoil like never before. In a desperate attempt to forget,y/n takes solace in the bar, making it a mission to forget him completely. Jake is left wondering if he’ll ever get a chance to explain himself. When her roommates try to do damage control, they’re left wondering if the Twitter feed and speculation is really the biggest issue, or her way of covering up her crippling fear of falling in love.

Read part five here

Read part seven here

Pairing: jake kiszka x f!reader

Word count: 7.5k

Warnings: cheating/cheating rumours, Twitter, binge drinking, unhealthy coping mechanisms, lots of angst, crying, like a 2 second mention of throwing up (very short because i hate throwing up with a violent passion), basically this whole chapter is an angsty shitshow because I live for drama, sorry if I missed any!

so obvi i had to throw in some heartbreak to offset all the fluffy happiness, cause that’s just who i am. lots of projection in this one (hey, at least I’m owning up to my flaws) but this is just an angsty mess before we get to a happy ending cause I wanted to showcase how detrimental the internet/social media can be and how bad ldr sucks 😁 as always, enjoy, be kind, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes 🫶🏻 (also thank you all so much for the love on this series. im having a lot of fun writing it and it overjoys me to see that other people like it, too)

~

Your feet carried you to the living room, speed faster than you’d ever ran before. When you turned the corner of the hallway, your footing slipped and you had to brace yourself on the wall. Eve was sprawled on the couch. She looked to you, eyes wide with panic, scared that something bad happened. “What has got you all riled up?” She threw her phone beside her, sitting upright.

“I-I, uh, I just…” you were breathless, heart pounding in your chest as you tried to formulate your words. “The… t-the-“

“Just fucking spit it out!” She laughed, clearly understanding that your rapid approach was due to good news rather than bad.

“Okay, sorry.” You ran your hand through your hair, pushing it away from your face. “I think I’m gonna throw up.” You laughed, fanning your face with your hands. Tears were threatening to spill over, and your skin was prickling with excitement. “So I started my internship on Monday, right?”

“Yeah, I know.” She said, waiting for an explanation.

“And I met everyone in the ‘office’.” You air-quoted office, knowing you’d only interact with them over zoom meetings for the four month duration. “But I met the head of the department today, the big boss.” She gave an eager nod. “He told me that he read over my research report. He said it was one of the best he’s ever read.”

“No way!” Eve was standing now, bouncing with just as much enthusiasm.

“Yeah, but that’s not it.” You stopped her. “I mean yeah, that’s fantastic, but it’s way better than that.” You felt the tears begin to roll down your cheeks, too caught up in the situation to care. “He wants to continue on with it. He told me he thinks the idea is fantastic and worth the money. I’m not going to be working on, or following up somebody else’s research this summer. They want to work on mine.” Her eyes were wide, her previous demeanour completely frozen. After a few seconds, she exploded into a scream and engulfed you into a hug. You held on to her, wanting to yell just as badly. “Can you punch me? Just to make sure I’m not dreaming?”

She pulled back, shaking her head and wiping your tears away. “Not a dream.” She laughed, pulling you in for another embrace. “Y/n, they picked your topic from an undergraduate, not even a masters or a PhD. Do you know how huge that is?”

“I know! He told me he’s been waiting to work with me since the end of my first year. Apparently I’m the at the top of the program.” You were almost lightheaded, not being able to process what was happening.

“I’m so proud of you.” She said, taking your hands into hers. She gave them a squeeze, bringing you back to reality. “Did you tell anyone else?” You shook your head.

“No, I was going to text the sibling group chat and get it all over at once. I want to call Jake, but I’m just not sure if he’s busy or not.” You explained.

“Call him! If he’s busy, he won’t answer. I think this is way too important to wait to tell him.” She encouraged you.

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m gonna… I’ll go call him.” You breathed.

“Okay, but I’m taking you to dinner tonight to celebrate. We’ll go to The Garden, maybe get some drinks afterwards. It is Friday, after all.”

“Yeah, that sounds amazing. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” You assured her.

“Good, now go call your loverboy.” She shooed you away. You jogged back to your room, letting the door fall shut behind you.

It had been almost two weeks since Jake left, meaning that your trip to Atlanta was right around the corner. Your brothers left the week prior, leaving your home quieter than you liked it. It was amazing having everyone there, but it was terrible when they all had to leave. You were adjusting, though, and knowing you were going to see Jake in a few days was really helping.

You slipped on the hoodie he’d so graciously left for you, and found the bottle of cologne, giving the front a small spritz. The smell immediately swarmed your senses, making you close your eyes in bliss. When your end of day meetings came to a close, you practically lived in his sweater. Him being gone this time was a little easier now that you had small reminders of him. You pulled your phone out, dialling his number off by heart. Your hands were vibrating as you clicked the speakerphone button. The dial tone rang a few times, but you couldn’t help but hope he’d pick up. You tapped your fingers on the wood of your desk, trying to remember if he told you he had a show or an interview that day.

“Hey, it’s Jake. Leave a message.” Your stomach sank with disappointment, but you didn’t let it last too long.

“Hey, rockstar. Big news, call me as soon as you can. Love you.” You didn’t let the voicemail linger, ending the call as soon as you finished speaking. As you stared at the screen of your phone, you realized you hadn’t heard from Jake since the night before. It was very strange of him not to send a good morning text, but you were so busy with work meetings all day you hadn’t picked up your phone at all.

You debated calling again, but decided against it. Instead, you went to your contact list and clicked on Josh’s name. You were expecting the same empty tone, but you were surprised when he answered after the first ring. “Hey, mama.” His usually happy tone was so comfortably familiar.

“Hey, Josh.” You couldn’t help but smile. Josh had rapidly become another brother to you, just the same as Sam and Danny.

“What could I have possibly done to deserve a call from such an angel?” You rolled your eyes, a laugh making its way out. Josh was a very verbal person, and extremely friendly, too. At first, you were a bit thrown off by his strong compliments, but you’d gotten over it quite quickly once you realized Jake never batted an eye about it. Clearly there was a lot of mutual trust between the two.

“Just missed your sweet voice, is all.” You joked. He let out a small chuckle.

“You’re too kind,” he said “but really, what’s up? Usually I’m the one calling you.”

“Don’t say it like that, that makes me sound like an asshole.” You replied.

“You know what I mean.” You could practically hear his eye roll through the phone.

“I know,” you assured him. “I was just calling to see if you knew where Jake was. I haven’t heard from him all day and I got some pretty big news. I called to tell him and he didn’t answer. I thought maybe you were all doing rockstar stuff, but it seems like you were waiting around for someone to call you.” You teased.

“Maybe I just drop everything to talk to you. Have you thought about that?”

“Whatever you say, Joshua.”

“To answer your question, I have no idea where he is. Today is kind of a day off, I guess. We’ve got a meeting tonight, but that’s more of us just hanging out with the managers.”

“Oh, that’s weird, then.” You said, uneasiness sprouting in your stomach.

“He could be asleep, or in music writing mode. I’ll get to the bottom of it for you.” He promised.

“Thanks, super-sleuth.” You laughed.

“What’s your big news?” Josh asked, changing the subject. You didn’t think the topic change was suspicious, more or less just Josh being nosy.

“I don’t know if Jake would forgive me if I told you first.” You were being honest. Jake wanted to be your biggest supporter, and you didn’t know if you telling Josh first would cause any issues. The last thing you wanted to do was hurt him.

“Ah, come on, mama. He didn’t answer, so it’s his loss. Besides, we’re practically the same person. Same DNA and all, you know?”

“I don’t think that makes you the same person, honey.” You giggled. “I think you just want to know.”

“Duh,” he scoffed “I won’t tell him, I promise. I’m really good with secrets.” Somehow, you weren’t sure if you believed him. But you were so excited about your accomplishment that you were itching to tell anyone who was willing to listen.

“Fine, okay, but promise you won’t say anything.”

“I won’t, I swear!” You could hear the giddiness in his voice.

“Okay, I’ll hold you to it, then.” You told him. “Basically, I started my summer internship with the biotechnology society this week. Today I met the head of the department and he told me he’s been wanting to work with me for a long time. He read my report about non-invasive blood-glucose tests and he wants to take it a step further. He thinks it’s worth the time and money.” You rushed out, feeling the excitement take over again.

“Y/n, that is fantastic!” He said. You could feel his smile in his words. One thing you adored about the four boys is that they all seemed incredibly genuine.

“Thank you, Josh. It’s super cool. Usually they only study graduate topics, but I guess he thinks I have what it takes.” You breathed, barely believing your own words.

“You absolutely have what it takes, mama, and Jake is going to be over the moon when you tell him.” You felt a smile break out on your lips.

“Thank you.” You really meant it. Jake and his brothers were always seemed so proud of you, and it made you feel so important. “I can’t wait to see you guys this weekend.”

“We’re really looking forward to it, too. Jake’s been so uptight when we practice because he wants to impress you at the show. It’s starting to get unbearable.” You couldn’t help but laugh, shaking your head in disbelief as if he could see you.

“I’m going to be the biggest fan there, even if he forgets how to play every song.”

“I know that, y/n. He just wants to show off for you. I, on the other hand, don’t have to practice. I already know I’ll win you over.” You rolled your eyes.

“Uh-huh,”

“Oh come on, what’s the matter with a little brotherly competition?” He joked.

“It seems more like a pissing contest.” You said. “Well, as nice as it’s been talking to you, I must go call my own brothers and tell them the news. They’ll be really upset if they find out I told you, first.”

“Like I said, my lips are sealed.” He promised. “I’m really happy for you, y/n.” His earlier tone of humour was gone, replaced with sincerity.

“Thank you, and thanks for picking up.” You said.

“As if I’d ignore you. I’ll find out what’s up with Jake and let you know. Talk soon?”

“Of course. Talk to you later, Josh.” You bid your goodbye. He hung up first, leaving you staring at the blank screen. Worry started to consume you, unsure of what Jake could be up to. The radio silence was extremely strange.

Before calling your own siblings, you decided to jump in the shower. You connected to your Bluetooth speaker, playing music softly in the background as you undressed and turned the faucet on. You climbed in, humming softly to the first song that came up on shuffle. You washed your hair and worked at getting all of the knots out. You took your time washing your body, letting the hot water sooth your stiffness from sitting in an office chair all day. You even took the time to exfoliate and shave. When you stepped out, you felt like a new person. You dried off, wrapping your hair in a towel, and throwing on an oversized t-shit and some sweatpants.

You went back to your room and threw your old clothes in your laundry basket. As you sat on the edge of your bed, your phone chimed from beside you. Your eyes fell on the screen, trying to make out who the message was from. Josh’s name was showing in the notification bar, so you picked it up to read what he said.

Twin Rockstar

Hey, checked on Jake. Don’t think he’s in his room. Will let you know when I find him :)

You typed a quick reply before clicking on your brothers contact. You figured you shouldn’t put off telling them the news any longer, and Sam would be the most likely to answer. You told him you needed him to call you ASAP, throwing your phone back on the mattress. You got up, moving to the closet and scouring through your heaps of clothes. Your hands settled on a simple red dress. Enough to look classy, but not enough to catch too much attention. You threw it on, spritzing some perfume and throwing on some deodorant. As you took your hair down to dry, you started on your makeup. You didn’t put on too much, just enough to accentuate your features.

You finished with swiping on the same lipstick you’d worn the night you met Jake. It was your favourite one before that night, but ever since it had caught his attention, it was the only one you liked to wear. Just as you were finishing up, your phone began to ring. You shuffled over, grabbing it off the mattress and accepting the video call. “Hello, Samuel.” You said, looking over his face.

“So you saw it, too?” He asked, forgoing any type of greeting. You raised an eyebrow, confused at what he could be talking about. He watched you carefully, quickly realizing that you did not want to call him for the same reason. “Oh, nothing.” He said, sheepishly. Your eyes hardened, not willing to play the game with him. He’d always done that; start a sentence or a story and try to change topics. Usually it was only when something bad happened. He hated giving bad news.

“What, Sam?” You pried, waiting for him to give in.

“Nothing, y/n. It was probably just a rumour anyway.”

“Just tell me, please.” You sighed. He shifted uncomfortably under your stare, but eventually conceded.

“I saw something. It’s probably nothing, I just thought you saw it, too, and that’s why you wanted me to call. You never send an urgent message.”

“What did you see, Sam?” Your stomach was twisting with anxiety the more the conversation went on. He let out a jumble of words that you had a hard time understanding. When you gave him a look of confusion, he rolled his eyes.

“I was doing my daily routine of stalking everyone on the internet.” He said, seeming to have trouble with how he was going to word his sentences. Leave it to Sam to spend an hour a day to catch up on everyone else’s drama. “And I saw a couple posts, a-and I think it’s just speculation and rumours,” he led into the topic as easy as he could. “But there’s a couple pictures of Jake going around. With another girl. And everybody thinks it’s a possible girlfriend.” He breathed. Your stomach dropped, but you held your expression firm, not letting a hint of emotion through.

“Oh, okay.” Was all you said. You tried to reason with yourself, wanting to believe that it was just a misunderstanding. Then, your brain immediately focused on the fact that you hadn’t heard from him all day, which was extremely unusual. That, and he hadn’t even told his brothers where he was. You were certain if Josh was lying to you, you’d be able to tell. He wasn’t very good at it. “Can you send me them?” You asked, clearing your throat to get rid of the lump that was forming.

“I’m sure it’s nothing, squirt. I wouldn’t worry too much about it.” His attempt at deflecting the impact was failing miserably.

“Just send them to me, Sam.” Your tone was becoming more angry by the second. He let out a long sigh, but did so without another word. The incoming message popped up on the top of your phone, immediately drawing your attention. You clicked on it, the aforementioned pictures unpleasantly gracing your screen. You tapped on the screenshot, zooming in a little bit to get a closer look.

There he was, unmistakably Jake, sitting at a restaurant table across from an unknown girl. There was a familiar smile on his face, one that made you sick when you thought about him giving it to another girl. You swiped through the photos, quickly finding that it was a whole Twitter chain. ‘Damn, his fans are always on top of the game’ you thought to yourself. There was pictures of them eating together, one with his hand resting on her arm, one of them walking down the street a little too close for comfort, and the last one of her wearing his jacket. You felt an indescribable feeling wash over you.

You read through the comments of fans talking about seeing it, how pretty she was, how happy he looked, and some not so nice tweets. You couldn’t help but feel a small comfort at the unsupportive statements. Your rationale was completely gone now, filled with anger at the sight. More than anything, you felt like an idiot. You fell for him so hard, but he was a boy, and a rockstar, at that. You had no idea why you believed a insignificant girl in Baltimore could tie him down. He probably had a new girl falling for him in every city he visited. Panic started to seep in, realizing that everything you were afraid seemed to be coming true. The look in his eye when he was smiling at her sent a shiver down your spine. It was so similar to how he looked at you.

There was a small part of you insisting there must be more to the story. A bigger, louder part of you didn’t care. Your trust for men and significant others was already extremely low before you met him. You’d spent a lifetime getting treated like garbage and cheated on, and even if this wasn’t the case, you weren’t sure if you even wanted to know. It was easier for you to shut down, to draw the conclusion that boys would always be boys. Although the photos weren’t a tell-all, they certainly didn’t make you feel good when you looked at them. A tiny voice in your brain was telling you that you were being irrational, and that you were doing what you always did; you were using this as a scapegoat to jump ship before you got seriously hurt. Self-destruction was a very well acquainted friend of yours, but you thought you’d left it behind a long time ago.

You took a long, shaky breath before speaking again. “I gotta go.” You mumbled, not giving Sam any time to answer. You hung up, completely forgetting about the real reason you wanted him to call you. You turned your phone on silent, throwing on an old jean jacket. You slung your purse over your shoulder, making sure you had everything you needed before you walked out of your bedroom.

The door slammed behind you with enough force to rattle the wall beside it.

As you made your way down the hallway, your jaw was clenched hard enough to made your head ache. Another classic move of yours; burying the sadness in anger. You tried to break out of it your whole life, but having four hotheaded brothers that loved to pick on you made the emotion permanent. Eve peeked her head around the corner to see what created the loud noise, but recoiled at the look on your face. You walked past her, not able to even give a glance in her direction, scared if you did you would break down. You were sure Sam would tell her, anyway. You threw a pair of shoes on and disappeared through the front door as fast as you could. You knew where you were going, and nobody was going to stop you.

You made your way down the street, eyes set forward and unwavering. The tunnel vision made it easy to ignore all of the passerby’s. By the time you made it to the front door of your favourite bar, you were positively sick with despair. Your stomach was churning and your chest was aching. You wanted nothing more than to go home and cover yourself in blankets and sleep the pain away, but you were never so willing to let a boy ruin you. You pushed through the front door with such a force that everyone’s head turned to look at you once you stepped inside. You went straight to the bar, too determined to drink to pay any mind to them. You stopped once you got in front of the bar, pulling your card out. Mike approached you, giving you a look of curiosity.

“Awful early for you to be here. Usually you only drink before 8 if something serious happened.”

“Triple whiskey sour.” You muttered, in no mood to make conversation. “And two shots of fireball.” He eyed you with concern, but pulled the bottles out, anyway. He wasn’t worried that you couldn’t handle your liquor; he was worried about why you were itching to drink so badly.

“You okay?” He asked as he slid the shot glasses towards you. You took both back to back, ignoring the burning in your chest. It was nothing compared to the ache in your heart.

“Perfectly okay, Mike.” You promised. “Never been better, actually.” He handed you the solo cup, eyes never leaving your face.

“For some reason, I don’t know if I believe you.” He said, watching you take two long drinks out of the glass.

“Quit it with the concerned act. Business is business.” You scolded, mustering a small smile to lessen the blow of the harsh words. You tapped your debit card against the machine once he pushed it towards you, taking a seat in one of the chairs. Tonight was not a dancing night, you decided. You felt your phone vibrating in your purse. It hadn’t stopped since you left the house. You were sure it was Sam, and you cared so little that you didn’t even bother taking it out to check it.

Your first drink came to an end pretty fast, and Mike, knowing you well enough, kept a steady stream of refills in front of you. By the time 9 o’clock rolled around and the bar began to get busy, you were already hammered. The anger in your body was still raging, but you were drunk enough to bury it deep under the surface. Mike had got a bit more talking out of you as the time passed, only making his concern grow more. You were very elusive as to why you were so desperate to be intoxicated, making him believe that whatever the reason was, was really bad. He’d only seen you drink like that on a few occasions, and rarely ever did you go to the bar alone.

“I think you should answer your phone, darlin’.” Mike said, eyeing your purse on the counter as your phone vibrated. As he sat with you, he took note of all the calls you were ignoring.

“You can.” You giggled, nudging the bag towards him. He sighed, reminding you of your dad when he got upset. “I’m not worried about it.” He reluctantly opened your purse and took your phone out, figuring it was better to let your friends know you were alive. You were good enough friends with Mike for him to feel comfortable enough to answer your phone for you. It definitely wouldn’t have been the first time. He tapped the screen, lighting it up to reveal the extensive list of missed calls and texts.

“Eve sent you a bunch of question marks then asked where you went. She’s called you probably a million times. Sam is very worried about you and says he’s going to fly back here if you don’t answer him. Uh, whoever ‘twin rockstar’ is called and texted a few times. Ally called. And ‘Rockstar’ called you about… fifty times.” He listed off. All you could do was laugh. ‘Fuck Jake’, you thought to yourself.

“That’s nice. Can I get another shot with my next drink?” You asked.

“Y/n, you should at least tell Eve where you are.” You played with the straw in your cup, pretending not to hear him. He gave up, sliding your phone back to where it was before. After a moment, he obliged to your request, placing both drinks in front of you. You threw the shot back, feeling someone slide into the chair next to you as you placed the glass back down. You looked over, not recognizing the boy now in your company. You weren’t sure if you were too drunk to place the face, or if you’d never met him before.

“Hey,” he smiled at you. ‘Pretty smile’ you noted.

“Hi.” You replied, not really feeling up to making conversation. You kept your eyes on your drink, not willing to look up at him again.

“What are you drinking? I’ll buy you one.” You almost laughed out loud.

“No, thanks. I’m okay.” You told him, taking a long sip from your straw to avoid any further trouble.

“Why, you have a boyfriend?” He asked. It wasn’t harsh, more of a genuine inquiry. “He must be a lucky guy.” He spoke again before you could answer. You looked over to him, an unfamiliar feeling settling under your skin. You opened your mouth to respond, but you weren’t sure what to say.

“Uh, no, I don’t.” You decided in a split second. As the words came out of your mouth, it felt like someone had punched you in the stomach. “Not anymore, so I’m just not looking for anything.” You explained, gloom casting over you again.

“Sorry to hear that. He must be real stupid to let someone as pretty as you get away.” All you could do was chuckle at his statement. When silence ensued again, he took it upon himself to fill it. “If you change your mind, come and find me.” He quickly scribbled his number down on a bar napkin and slid it your way. Your eyes fell over it, almost finding it humorous. Once he got up and walked away, you handed it to Mike after ripping it in half.

“So dark and broody broke your heart?” Mike asked, tossing the paper in the garbage.

“Don’t say it like that. Makes him sound more important than he is. You have to love someone for them to break your heart.” You explained. Mike eyed you, a knowing look on his features.

“I think you’re lying to yourself, honey.” He said, handing you another shot. He was hyper-aware of your state, wanting to recognize when he needed to cut you off. “It’s okay to get hurt. Makes us human.”

“No lies and not human.” You told him, a sweet smile on your lips.

“Whatever you say.” He shook his head, moving on to serve the next customer. You lost yourself in the music playing over the speakers, finally seeming to rid yourself of the overwhelming emotions. Your face was hot and your body felt light. Your head was swimming with words, but none of them came together to make a worthwhile statement. The intoxication had reached a point where all of your inhibitions were gone; it was a dangerous situation for someone hurting so badly. Just because you weren’t currently immersed in the hurt, didn’t mean you weren’t trying to suffocate it for good.

You walked over to the pool tables, grabbing a cue and racking the balls. You sipped at your drink, shooting aimlessly and sinking shots intermittently. After a while, a group of people joined you at your table. You had no idea who they were, or what their names were. You were sure they told you, but you were in no state to remember them. There were a few girls and two guys, and they all seemed super friendly. They were a good tool to pass the time with, or perhaps more of a distraction than anything. Either way, they were buying pitchers of drinks and sharing, and they were quite funny.

As the hour neared midnight, Mike had turned the sound system up as he usually did. You retracted your much earlier thought, realizing that dancing was the best sounding activity at the moment. One of the boys from the group took his chance, moving closer to you and dancing alongside you. Instead of recoiling, you allowed it, ready to reap the consequences later. He twirled you around, pulling you closer to him so your chest was pressed to his. You both sang the song to each other, faces dangerously close. His hand was on your hip, eyes never leaving you. You were having a good time, but couldn’t shake how wrong it felt. Sure, it was fun, but it was absolutely meaningless. You never wanted to feel something meaningless again after feeling what you had with Jake. He leaned in, attempting to catch you in a kiss, but you withdrew, suddenly feeling dirty for even letting another guy get that close to you. You were lost in thought, almost furious again knowing that Jake still had your entire heart. As bad as you wanted to rid yourself of him, you were more terrified of feeling like you weren’t his anymore, or him yours. The thought didn’t last long, because someone grabbed your arm and pulled you away from the group.

You looked to the source of the disturbance, only to be met with the fuming faces of your roommates. You took a moment to process it, blinking hard to rid yourself of the double vision. “We’ve been calling you all night.” Eve said, dangerously calm. “We didn’t know if you were dead, or if you got kidnapped, or what, until Mike called us and told us you were here.”

“Why would he-“

“Do not get mad at him for looking out for you.” She snapped. You felt a wave of nausea run through you as your face burned with heat. “I’m taking you home before you do something you’ll regret.” She pulled you towards the door, not willing to listen to any sort of explanation. When you got outside, the cool night air hit you like a million knives on your skin.

“Eve,” you mumbled. She continued walking, not listening to your warning. “M’gonna be sick.” You told her. She stopped, looking back at you. Her tough exterior faltered, now really seeing the state you were in. She pulled you back in an alleyway, gathering your hair in her hands. You braced yourself with your hand on the brick of the building, heaving until there was nothing left in your stomach. When you straightened up, there were tears in your eyes. Some from throwing up, but more from crying.

You took a step back, leaning your whole body against the wall and letting out the sob you’d been holding back all night. Ally was standing guard at the end of the side-street, making sure nobody could witness your crisis. You were consumed with the memories of the pictures you saw earlier that night, feeling a non-alcohol related sickness in your stomach. Eve dug in your purse, finding a small pack of tissues. She pulled one out and cleaned off your face as best she could before discarding it on the ground. Normally, she’d be appalled at the thought of throwing garbage on the ground. At the moment, she was willing to sacrifice her morals rather than hold on to the repulsive piece of paper.

She brushed the hair from your face, for once being completely unsure of how to help you. She couldn’t recall the last time she’d seen you so upset. “Let’s get you home, okay?” She whispered. You managed a nod through your inconsolable state. She led you back to the main road after helping you take your heels off. She kept a supportive hold around your back, making sure you didn’t stumble and fall. Ally took to the other side of you, also offering her support.

The walk was treacherous and much longer than it should have been. By the time the two girls got you through the door, you were nothing short of a mess. Eve whispered something to Ally that you didn’t quite catch. Then, Eve helped you to the couch and Ally disappeared from sight. Eve took a seat next to you, gently wiping away the tears staining your cheeks. You tried to catch your breath, feeling completely out of control. Within a few minutes, Ally had rejoined the group holding a plethora of items in her arms. She put them down on the couch, making fast work at her mission.

First she pulled out a few makeup wipes, handing them to Eve so she could rid you of the mascara running down your face. When she was done, she placed the wipes on the coffee table. Ally handed her a hair tie next. Eve turned you slightly, combing her hands through your hair and quickly braiding it. “Next parts gonna be a bit harder.” She mumbled. “Gotta stand for me, okay?” You gave a nod. She helped you to your feet, steadying you before unzipping the back of your dress and slipping the sleeves off. When it fell to your ankles, she pulled a large t-shirt over your head. “There.” She sighed. You slowly sat back down on the sofa, feeling the world spinning around you.

“I’m sorry.” You mumbled, squeezing your eyelids shut. Tears were still making their way out with no sign of stopping.

“I know.” She said, thumb brushing them away as fast as they were falling. “I know you’re hurting. We all do stupid stuff when we’re hurting.”

“I told him I loved him. He said he loved me, too.” You cried, feeling the ache settle in your bones again. “He promised.” You blubbered.

“I know, honey. We’re gonna get some sleep and sober you up a bit, and we’ll fix this in the morning, okay?”

“I’m supposed to go to Atlanta next weekend.” In your drunken state, you unintentionally disregarded everything she was saying. “He said he was gonna take me around the world with him. I knew this was going to happen. I never should have opened up. I never should have let this happen.” You let out a shaky breath. “I don’t even know if he did it, or not. All I know is that it hurts. ‘nd m’so scared because I hate when people have this much power over me.” She knew you were really fucked up over this, because it was nothing like you to come out with all of your feelings so willingly. “I love him. I really love him. I’ve never felt like this before, and it just made me realize that he makes me so happy, but he has the power to take it away whenever he wants. And he’s this big rockstar who can have anybody he wants. All he has to do is say the word. He can have girls who looks like that. Why would he settle for me?”

“Hey, that is not true. Anyone who ends up with you will be the luckiest person in the world.” She scolded, not willing to accept that.

“He’s just… he’s Jake. And he’s perfect. And I adore him. A-and I’m so scared of losing him that… that I feel like I have to leave first, to spare myself from the worse hurt, later, you know?” You hiccuped. “I always do this. M’gonna ruin it for myself because m’always so fucking scared! I tried to get rid of the feeling, to get rid of him, but all of the stuff that usually works just made me think about him even more. I don’t want him to have that power over me, don’t want him to be able to flip my world upside down whenever he wants, but it just felt so good being loved by him and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forget it.” You let your head fall back into the cushion of the couch, completely defeated by how you were feeling. She quickly caught on to the fact that this whole situation may have had a lot less to do with the pictures from earlier, and much more to do with your fear of being in love.

“I know, baby.” She practically winced. She didn’t know the full story. She only knew what Sam had told her, then Jake’s incoherent babbling on the phone when he called her earlier. He was so out of his mind with worry she was surprised he didn’t jump on a plane and fly back just to make sure you were alive. Then, when she finally calmed him down enough to tell him she would make sure you were okay, Josh called and voiced his worry and defence of his brother. Eve was completely in the loop from all sides of the battle, but she had no idea what was really going on. “Ally is going to get the air mattress and we’ll all stay out here tonight. We’re not gonna leave you.” She pulled you into her, holding you close. Ally disappeared once again, off to gather more necessities. Eve rubbed your back, soothing you as you worked through your emotions. Her main concern was you, and it would always be that. Once you were asleep, she’d worry about everyone else.

The two girls banded together to pump up the large air mattress, having to take turns every now and again. Eventually, they had it set up and decorated the top with comforters and pillows. They prompted you to get in, wanting to get you to sleep as fast as possible, hoping if you got enough rest you’d feel better in the morning. They turned on a speaker, playing gentle music in the background so you could focus on something other than your hurt. It didn’t take long for the alcohol in your system to lull you to sleep, soft snores falling from your mouth.

“What the fuck happened?” Ally asked, finally winding down from the eventful night.

“I… couldn’t tell you, really. Sam sent me some suspicious pictures of Jake and another girl. Apparently Twitter thinks they’re together. And you know her, she doesn’t really believe in explanations or second chances. I guess it probably reminded her of last time. And I think she may be using it as a cop out because she’s really in love with him, and that terrifies her.”

“Do you think Jake would do that to her?” Ally asked, genuinely curious.

“He seems to be head over heels for her, but the pictures did seem kind of incriminating. He wasn’t kissing her or anything like that, but he was pretty close with her and she was wearing his jacket. Whoever she was, he looked quite enthralled in her. If i were her, I’d probably be pretty hurt, too. I don’t think she’s wrong to feel upset, especially if she didn’t know about it or who she was before she saw the pictures. I do think she should talk to him about it before running away.” Eve explained. Ally gave a nod. “Jake called me and he was super upset. Could barely understand what he was saying. He was just all over the place. Told him I’d make sure she was okay, but I didn’t ask him about it. I’m on team y/n, always. I’m not going to vouch for him, cause that will only make her mad at me.” She shrugged. “Even if he didn’t cheat on her, she’s still hurting. Maybe a bit more from her internal battles, but she’s still hurting.”

“I get that.”

“Josh called, too, trying to explain on behalf of his brother. It’s just a mess. I hope that Jake does have a good explanation, because I really like them together. But I’m not sure if she’ll listen to him, even if he does. She doesn’t listen to anyone but herself.” Eve chuckled. Ally nodded, knowing that all too well. “She already has the idea in her head, and every one of those feelings are multiplied by a thousand because she’s in love. Like, really in love. I don’t think she’s been this crazy for anyone, ever.” Just as she finished speaking, your phone began to ring in your purse again. Eve pulled it out, inspecting the screen. She sighed, rejecting the call and picking up her own phone. She dialled back the number that called you and waited for him to answer. She didn’t feel the need to completely block Jake out, but she’d be damned if she was going to let you know she was talking to him.

“Hey,” a raspy voice said from the other side of the phone.

“Hello, Jacob.” Eve said.

“Is she okay?” Her eyes looked towards you sleeping soundly on the air mattress.

“That’s a relative term, I think.” She grimaced slightly, recalling the state you had been in. “Alive, yeah, but she’s really fucked up.”

“Okay.” Jake said, clearing his throat a little bit. “I didn’t mean to hurt her.”

“That’s also quite relative. I’d like to say I know, but I can’t.”

“I didn’t cheat on her.” He said firmly. “I’m not cheating on her. I would never do that.”

“Okay.” She replied, mimicking his earlier statement.

“I absolutely know why she’s mad at me. If it was the other way around and I saw those pictures, I’d… yeah.” He trailed off.

“I can’t defend you to her, Jake. She’s been my best friend for years. I barely know you. Even if she’s overreacting, which I am absolutely not saying she is, I’m on her side.” Eve explained. “Unless she did something really fucked up, which she didn’t, and she won’t.” She added quickly, wanting to clarify that she wouldn’t blindly stand up for you in every context. “She’s a spitfire. She goes from 1 to 100 faster than anyone I’ve ever met. Yeah, she’s upset about what happened today, but I think she’s also having a hard time with being in love. She’s scared of it. Always has been. She’s so independent that it’s actually infuriating, and I believe she may be struggling with depending on someone for once. This whole thing might have been the excuse she’s been waiting for, to run away.” Eve explained. “I think maybe if she just saw the pictures, it wouldn’t have been so bad. But all of those Twitter comments were pretty hard to read, and I’m not even dating you.”

“I know. That part of fame sucks. Everyone speculates, and stories spread before we even know that it caught someone’s attention. And I get it. I understand why you and her both feel the way you do. I would feel the same if one of my brothers got hurt.” She did feel quite bad for him. She didn’t think Jake was a bad guy, but perhaps not the best at communication. In this instance, at least. “Can you at least try to get her to come to Atlanta? Just so I can talk to her. I’ll fly her back as soon as I do, if that’s what she wants. I just can’t leave things like this, and I know she’ll never answer my calls.” His words were met with a staggering silence. After a while, Eve spoke again.

“Do you swear on your life you didn’t cheat on her?” She asked, picking at a string that had frayed from the hem of her sweater.

“I promise.” He said, quite firmly.

“Cause if I get her to go Atlanta and I find out you really did fuck her over, I’ll kill you.” She replied as a matter-of-fact.

“I would never do that to her, Eve.” She believed him, for the most part. If he was lying, he was really good at it. “I love her.” He finally admitted. The sincerity in his words took her off guard.

“I’ll try, rockstar. It may not work, and I’m not going to force her, but I’ll try to get her on that plane. Only because I think you guys are cute together, and you made her so happy. She’s never had that before. It took a lot for her to give you a chance, especially after the last guy. If this ends like this, I don’t think she’ll ever recover.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t. And also, this conversation never happened. I’m not defending you, I’m not going behind her back, nothing like that. The only reason I’m doing this is because I think it’s in her best interest. Even if it’s just closure, that’s fine by me.” She warned. “Now think up a real good apology, rockstar.”

“Will do.” He said. There was no room for any more words, because she’d already hung up. Ally gave Eve a look of caution, worried that Eve was going to rock the boat even further. Eve brushed it off, standing and flicking the lights off in the living room. She climbed on the air mattress and wrapped herself up in a blanket. Ally followed suit, both of them falling asleep not long after with the hope that the morning would bring some form of clarity.

TAGLIST: @gvfpal @jakesgrapejuice @hellowgoodbye

[the-remaining-half]

23rd March 2024 | Saturday

Day 15 of 100 Days of Productivity 🪴

Okay. I want to break the custom today. Instead of everything that I did today, I want to talk about one of the best moments of today and probably my whole life. 🐾

I joined medschool in October 2022, scared and excited about what life had in store me. I was excited to join the clubs (specially debating).

March 2023 we get the invite for the debate society of our college and of course I jump and join the boat.

Got to know later on that our uni didn’t have much of the club culture and we were the only actively functioning club. More that that, the club had just started with us. It was the first year and we were the first members.

Nonetheless, the president was good at debating and willing to help me improve and that was all I needed. 🍄

I soon became a core founding member of the Society. The society secured a place in my heart. End of 2023, the founder president was entering internship and wanted to step down from Presidency post his current term. He urged me to stand for the elections. So I did. I am currently the Debsoc President.

Today is the 1st year anniversary of our Debsoc. I am so proud. We are going out to celebrate. ✨

I remember my senior (founder president) and myself get to emotional when we saw the logo we had designed on that cake; when we lit that golden 1 candle; when the whole debsoc sang.

The past one year was different. It was like our child and it was so difficult to keep it alive. People kept leaving, admin issues and more and more. But we never gave up. 🫧

Amongst the 50 initial members of Debsoc, 5 of us kept at it. Our club is still here. And the club is us. And we are the club. That’s why in my mind, even if it’s just the 5 of us, we already have the club. To me we are the Debsoc OGs of our university…

And I am thankful. This society and these people kept me going. When I was alone and friendless and clueless and scared, they kept me looking up at the stars. I knew no matter what I went through, every Thursday of every week, I would meet these guys and they would be my people.

Debating has been so sacred and holy to me. I have fought everyone to get to where I am, to become as good as I am at debating. It was the one thing I did all by myself. And I am thankful to that young girl for not giving up. 🍁

[inkofamethyst]

September 24, 2024

My dnd-friend and I might be looking into doing Bicolline one summer in the future!!! Probably not this coming summer but perhaps the next? Kinda maybe screws with my plan to do an industry internship in summer 2026, but hey, there's always summer 2027 (unless we end up going back again)?

This will mean saving/budgeting! buying/renting camping gear! learning how to camp! getting/making garb!(!!!) figuring out food! figuring out transport! Should be fun to plan, will absolutely be the geekiest thing I've ever done. If I ever become a mom that would be S-tier mom-lore for sure (my sibling is likely to have children so at least I'll have good aunt-lore).

In preparation, I've signed up for laser-cutting and 3D printing courses at the local library. Might be able to make or embellish some really cool props. (Might be able to print Wanda's mask and mayyyybe crochet her Scarlet Witch 2023 comic outfit/top/make it a mini dress? and have that done by halloween... meaning I should start the design process now..)

One thing I've learned recently is that I love me a little tool. A little thingamabob with a handle that helps me do something a little bit easier? Can't get enough. It makes me not hate certain chores lol. Flossing, cleaning the tub, cleaning my water bottles... little tools little tools little tools :)

Okay, serious now. I am feeling better, but not quite my normal self yet. Close, though. Still stressed, but not, like depressed.

I think one of the major benefits of having an autobiographical behavior record that contains like a quarter of my life (which is kind of wild!!! senior year and college and starting grad school currently takes up a whole fourth of my life!!) is that I can pull from the anthropological tradition and form evidence-based theories to predict and explain future behaviors. Like how I know that roughly six weeks into a new environment, I am prone to go through a brief mental rough patch. And application seasons also tend to have a negative impact on my mental health over an extended period. But I think, like in anthropology, I can revise that theory a bit. Application seasons are really just an extended period over which I am preparing to move from one stage to the next but must prove that I am ready to do so. There's a lot of uncertainty, as there's no guarantee that I will succeed in moving to the next stage. So like, yes, application seasons, but also just any period where I have to prove that I am ready to advance.

Having these theories is great, but I don't know how to use them to my advantage except to brace myself. Hm.

Well, I know myself well enough my now to know that procrastination is largely driven by the fear that I will not be able to "do well enough". So when I am particularly afraid that I will not surpass my expectations on an assignment or succeed with a set of applications or something, I will put it off. So maybe recognizing procrastination as a signal of fear (rather than accepting the idea that I'm "just lazy" (outside of burnout which is also a thing sometimes)) and forcing myself to Do It Scared (even if just a little bit of it at a time) is one way I can use this knowledge to my advantage. Because, of course, procrastination only makes me feel worse.

It's been a while since I've intellectualized my feelings lol. Back to the classics, heh.

Today I'm thankful for, you guessed it, the Abzu OST.

I'm also thankful for the little bit of academic validation I got from a former mentor who is typically very cut-and-dry.

Also also thankful for the minority stem student group, they're a nice bunch to hang around.

[pttwice]

hello joon, I hope you are doing fine these days, am finally feeling less stressed with my internship documents almost being finished and all of that but your cute twice regress fics and blogs have helped me keep a positive mindset so I just wanted to say thank you. anyways am here to request a new years little twice with mommy 2yeon (or who ever u want, if we wanna spicy things up a bit) and everyone besides 2yeon regresses in the morning and wants to play all day and see the pretty fireworks at night, tho baby SMC gets scared of the loud noises still wanna see the pretty lights

get it? because its celebrate

hi chimpo :) i'm so glad that things are getting less stressful for you!! celebrate elite twice song!

celebrate

|| little!twice, cg!2yeon ||

Nayeon and Jeongyeon knew they were in for a long day when none of the members woke up with them. Jeongyeon made herself and Nayeon an extra strength coffee to get them through the day.

The last time all the members regressed for New Year's Eve was ages ago, and they were beyond hyper. Keeping track of seven littles was challenging, but they had done it before and they'd do it again.

Tzuyu was thankfully the first to wake up. Nayeon heard her calling out to one of them and brought her out into the living room. The little wasn't quite awake yet, but nothing was better than being able to wake up the rest of the way in her mommy's arms.

Nayeon wrapped her arms around her baby and sat back with her on the couch until the rest of the littles shuffled in. Momo was the last one to wake up and as soon as they had all made it out into the living room, they all started talking and playing. The volume went from zero to one hundred in less than ten minutes.

"Okay, who's ready for lunch?" Eve though they hadn't eaten breakfast, all the littles had gotten up late enough that it was lunch time.

Breakfast was a fairly easy ordeal except when it came to feeding the babies. Dahyun, Chaeyoung, and Tzuyu needed extra help to eat their food so Nayeon and Jeongyeon had to trade off between the three so they wouldn't get fussy that someone was eating more than they were.

"Mama, 'an we stay up 'nd wa' the fi'ewo'ks?" Jihyo asked with a mouth full of food and Jeongyeon playfully rolled her eyes.

"If you ask me again once you've swallowed that bite, then I'll tell you."

Jihyo nodded and finished her mouthful before asking again.

"Yeah, I wanna watch fireworks again, mama!" Sana excitedly chimed in, food all over the front of her pajama shirt.

"You can watch the fireworks, but you guys have to promise to be good today, okay?" Nayeon smiled as all of them nodded and agreed in unison.

Once they finished with breakfast, it was time for a bath for all of them since Sana, Momo, and Chaeyoung had most of their breakfast on their shirts.

While Jeongyeon ran a bath for the messiest three, Nayeon kept a close eye on the other three while they colored. Jihyo and Mina shared a page while Dahyun and Tzuyu tried sharing a crayon.

Nayeon laughed and took a few pictures of the two littles passing the crayon back and forth. It may have taken them the entirety of the three littles taking a bath to finish the head of the bear they were coloring, but they were having fun.

"Okay, who's next for bath time?" Jeongyeon came out with the three clean littles who jumped up onto the couch beside their mommy. Jihyo and Mina looked at each other and shook their heads while they pointed at Dahyun and Tzuyu, still lost in their one crayon world.

Jeongyeon opted to leave the older two to color some more and picked the two babies up. Their bath was much quicker since they didn't have food all over themselves, so she was out in record time to get the last two clean.

//

Even though they were letting the littles stay up to watch the fireworks, Nayeon and Jeongyeon knew that they couldn't just let them sit in the house and do nothing all day. So, they rallied all the littles, making sure they had everything they would need, and took them to the park.

Tzuyu quietly sat with her mamas and played with a rock and a few twigs she found on the ground while the others ran around on the playground.

Every few minutes, Tzuyu would get up and hand her mamas a rock or a little acorn cap that she found. They'd thank her and she'd go back to playing, just listening to the other littles yelling and playing on the playground in the park.

Momo, Sana, and Mina were in their own little world pretending they were princesses while Jihyo was trying to get the other two babies to go down the slide.

"Hyun, you hafta put your legs out." Jihyo giggled and straightened Dahyun's legs out so she could actually go down the slide. The little's happy screams could be heard throughout the park as Jihyo helped the babies go down the slide over and over again.

By the time they were done at the park, the littles were ready for a small snack and then lunch. That meant that Nayeon and Jeongyeon had a few minutes of peace and quiet to themselves before the real chaos started.

//

Chips, drinks, popcorn, and other snacks were set out and ready for the littles. Nayeon was playing with the babies while Jeongyeon kept the other littles entertained by some pretty bad magic tricks.

“Pick a card, Sana. Any card and don’t tell me what it is before you put it back in.” Jeongyeon fanned out the cards she had in her hand.

Sana excitedly took a card and showed it to the other littles before she put the card back in the deck. Jeongyeon shuffled the cards again before picking the card on the top. She held it close to her chest to build suspense before she flipped it around.

“Is this your card?”

The littles burst into a fit of giggles and shook their heads. “No, mama! That’s not Sana’s card!” Momo took the card and set it in her lap.

As Jeongyeon pulled out card after card, the littles kept laughing until finally, their mama picked Sana’s card.

“Dat one, mama!” Sana happily took her card. She held onto it for a while, not wanting to give up the ‘special’ card her mama gave her.

To pass more time and to save the littles from any more of Jeongyeon’s bad magic tricks, they had a dance party.

The way the littles danced was a little odd, but they had no problems expressing themselves. Even the babies got into it while Nayeon helped them move around.

“Mommy! ‘ook TV!” Chaeyoung excitedly pointed to the TV from her spot on the floor and looked ip at her mommy.

There were only two more minutes left until they set the fireworks off. Remembering the chaos of years back when all the littles regressed on New Year’s Eve, Nayeon quickly ran to get ear protection from her room. She put the earmuffs over all the babies ears so they could watch the fireworks without getting scared.

As the big clock in the corner of the TV started to count down, the littles excitedly jumped up and down.

“10, 9, 8, 7…” They all counted together and Sana clung to her mama’s hand, practically vibrating with excitement.

“1! Happy New Year!”

The fireworks display was nothing short of stunning. All the different colors and shapes that exploded in the night sky over the river was beautiful.

Plenty of oohs and ahhs came from the littles as well as Nayeon and Jeongyeon as they watched in awe. They managed to stay up for the entire fireworks show with the babies sitting on their laps and the other littles huddled close to them.

The year wasn’t the easiest, but it was filled with good memories and fun. They were all eager to see what the new year had for them and they were excited to welcome it.

Happy New Year! I hope you had a good 2023 and I hope 2024 is better! :)

[sharah-04]

(Week 1 of doing my Internship at Cathay❤️)

January 10, 2024

It was my first day doing my internship at Cathay. We were waiting in the office to start our shift. I was so nervous at the same time scared because I do not have any idea what we would do and how to works the kiosk. But big thanks to our seniors that they guided us and help us. I really enjoyed doing my placement, we encountered a lot of passengers that speaks only Chinese but my colleagues and I figured out to solve the problem. That day, it wasn’t so busy so it kinda easy for us in our first day and my shift is a day flight. The stuff are very kind and very approachable to us, they are not hesitating to help so we learned a lot of them. We also got to ‘chit chat’ with our seniors😄. I am just so happy and thankful for this kind of opportunity.

January 12, 2024

Second day, I worked night shift on this day. It was super busy because the flight delayed due to snow storming. It was so hard to get in to the airport because the road that time was heavy snow. I thought I will be late that time but I make it on time and the stuff said to us that take it slow and take our time. We were in the office waiting for the aircraft to land we were kinda nervous😅 but thankfully the aircraft landed safely. There are so many passengers on that day. I am assigned in the kiosk help the passenger to get their bag tags and boarding pass and make sure that the line is even with the assistant line and the bag drop line, so it would be easier for them and also for the agents. It was kinda fun doing the bag tags, I am enjoying it although at first It is kinda confusing but I am getting in to it. That’s all for day two!

January 13, 2024

Last day for Week 1, I was so tired on this day because I just finished my other job and went straight to the airport. But when I get there, I was so excites and happy because I worked with my friends every Saturday is the best shift for me😄. Same routine, I am working in the kiosk helping the passenger to get their tags and boarding pass and I am so happy because I felt like I improved doing the tags unlike day 1 that I was so slow while doing it😭😅. To wrap up my Week 1 at Cathay, it was so much fun, but I am more enjoying working at night than day flight because I get bored when it’s day flight because it was not busy and we were just standing at the kiosk, unlike night flight there are many passengers that we approached and help them and I really like to move a lot. That’s for my blog today!

[scar1et-st4rl3t]

day in the life:

monday !!

at home; right now i’m just waiting on my mom to be done getting ready. my outfit is really cute today !! i have a pink shirt, navy skirt, white socks, and doc martins. my mom bought me a fidget ring yesterday and it honestly has helped a lot since then. i have costume design, acting 1, algebra, and voice & movement today. honestly my only class that will probably be an issue is voice and movement cause i’m wearing a skirt… i’m sure it’ll be okay. maybe i should bring pants lol. i also got a new phone case !! it’s so cute i love it, it has a shark on it !! something abt me is i love sharks with my entire heart. they are my favorite animal ever ever ever !! i’m gonna try to get a marine biology internship/college credit this summer. although i do want to be an actress my “fall back” is marine biology. i’ve always been interested in it and it’s always been my second choice right next to acting. my school opens at 7:20 am and classes start at 8:25 and i still haven’t left my house lol. it’s 7:55. but i’m also usually always almost late but i never am because i never he caught by the teachers on tardy patrol. lucky me !! i’ve been listening to katrina stuart non stop recently, her music rlly making me feel some type of way.

in the car; finally driving to school !! i just put on lipgloss which is hello kitty, so cute. found out my first rehearsal for districts is tmr during lunch & learn.. problem is is that i have to make up a science quiz. i’m going to try and do both. okay update: turns out i cannot do both because science isn’t open tuesday for lunch & learn. that’s kinda stupid tbh. but yk teachers gotta eat too ig. so i get to go to rehearsal !! last year i didn’t even have a chance at districts because i was new so i’m very happy it’s student directed for hs, and one my my friends is directing. i can admit, he can be a little mean so i’m a little scared to get yelled at if he gets pissed or smth but i think it will be okay.

costume design; now i’m in tech “costume design”. freshmen have to take this class but it’s rlly fun. and my man is in it. i’ve alr seen him looking at me once so yay. 2 of my bsfs are in this class too and we’re making little animal stuffed animals. nothing else is rlly happening but i’ll update if something interesting happens !!

lunch & learn; LOL i was doing things ALLLL of acting 1 so i couldn’t write, sry abt that. but now i’m helping my friend lexi with her districts number. she’s doing a group MT number to “what i was born to do” from bring it on the musical. it’s so good, everyone is so talented !! lexi is such a good singer, can u believe she isn’t in MT?? she’s in PT with me, i think that’s crazy. she deserves MT !! last year i gave the guy i liked a cookie everyday so i’m gonna try and do that again today, hopefully it doesn’t come off weird..

going home; i did not fill in anything for my last period but it was okayish. i did give him the cookie and he said “ur so sweet.” so that’s nice. but now i’m starting to think he’s not interested in me or smth like that.. or he thinks i’m annoying. i’m probably overreacting but he said “it’s fine” instead of “it’s okay”. it felt passive aggressive. but also that’s just how he talks irl so i have no clue. i’m probably overreacting tbh.

that was my school day !! i’ll post some more later 🤍🤍

[brunchbitch]

Update of sorts

Just got through my first week of classes (second to last semester!) and I’m not crazy about 2 out of 3 professors, but oh well. All of them seem like hard asses and tough graders so that’ll be interesting. I’m jealous that so many of my classmates are graduating in May but the trade off was a much more manageable fall schedule. Idk.

I’ve been doing well-ish with cutting down on weed. A couple weeks ago right after the new year I tried to go back to my schedule of no weed during the week (well… really just Tuesday through Thursday lmao) but I had AWFUL trauma dreams and it really affected my mood. So last week I didn’t do as well, though definitely less smoking in the week. This week I took edibles Tuesday night bc I wanted to make sure I would sleep well before my internship, but I didn’t have anything Wednesday or Thursday night. I had some fucked up weird dreams for sure BUT they weren’t directly trauma related so definitely easier to handle. It’s definitely an ongoing challenge but I’m hoping I’ll get used to this schedule and it’ll just become second nature.

Therapy with B is good - we’re now switching to every other week! NEVER thought I wouldn’t be in weekly therapy!! I was worried my behaviors would escalate bc I’m scared of “getting better” and being seen as not sick, but so far so good and it’s helpful to be aware of it.

My parents are coming out next weekend and my mom and I are going wedding dress shopping!!!! Crazy!!!! But we still have 554 days until the wedding so I have plenty of time. This will be more to get a sense of what styles/silhouettes I like. It’s gonna be surreal to look in the mirror with a wedding dress on. Hoping my mom isn’t too opinionated if we disagree lol.

I can’t remember if I have said this on here yet but A and I have decided to move to Seattle in august! I’m soooo excited but also nervous to be close to my family again. A also feels conflicted about it but we’ll take it one day at a time and it doesn’t necessarily need to be permanent. It feels a little silly career wise to leave Boston which is a city with such amazing hospitals and go to Seattle which has one level one trauma center, but I might want to work in a specialized outpatient clinic anyway. I would NOT want to work in an ED so maybe it doesn’t really matter. I think it would be really cool to be a medical social worker in an outpatient cancer clinic working with young adults, though I know that’s very specific and I’m not sure exactly what’s available out there. I’ve started to look at jobs just to get a sense, but obviously I’ll have to study for and pass my licensing exam first. I would love to take more Spanish classes while I’m working on that. I miss it!

Overall things are really good. I keep waiting for shit to hit the fan but idk… weed plus A plus a meaningful internship (last year too) has led to such a long period of stability (well long for me lol). A and I were talking about how at the end of this decade he will be 43 (!!!) and I’ll be 39. I started thinking about my life seven years ago at 24 and it feels like I was a completely different person. I would’ve laughed in your face if you told me I would be where I am today. Idk. It’s weird. I worry that one day I’ll relapse with my depression bc I genuinely feel… happy? So it’s kind of easier to not use behaviors. But if I felt depressed and hopeless, things might be very different. I guess I have to remind myself to take it one day at a time.

Edit: I also started on propranolol a couple months ago and WOW has it made a difference in my anxiety especially at my internship. I feel like I’ve worked really hard to work on the mental distortions, but the physical aspect of the anxiety has just been so tricky. After taking neurobiology last summer, I really am recognizing that trauma can have such long term effects on your body.

[222thinkin0utloud666]

The 20’s loneliness and the feeling that everyone is leaving and growing up and you are stuck

Today I am feeling a little reflexive, I don’t know if it is because I’m getting my period in a couple of days, so I wanted to write somethings down.

This year I’m turning 21, and everything feels wrong. I am at my 3rd year of law school, I just finished my first internship of 10 months, even though it seems like I’ll have a very promising future I just can’t wrap around my head that I’ll ever be happy living like this, working at a law firm. I failed 2 classes, so this semester I’ll have 10 classes instead of 8, won’t be able to work again, won’t be making any money, and without my job I’ll just be very much alone most of the time.

Being alone is something that it really bothers me, it’s just something that I can’t be comfortable, I don’t know if it is because in high school, I used to have a huge friend group, and we would all live super close to each other and go out every single day, my mom even used to say that I had “wheels on my feet”. At high school I also had a relationship with a guy that was on and off for the past 4 years, but back then we used to see each other every day or a least once a week and now we are literally neighbors, and we don’t even speak to each other anymore.

My best friends from high school all found boyfriends now, so let’s talk a little bit about that, and specially, about my best best best friend, let’s call her D- that I have a matching tattoo with - that started dating last year. She changed SO MUCH, we barely speak to each other anymore, she spends every second with her boyfriend and, I think this is the hardest part, I feel like, because we were each other’s person, we would do anyfuckingthing you could imagine for each other, and it seems/feels like she just tossed me out, and now I’m useless and so fucking replaceable. My other best friend from high school also started dating last year, and it was totally different, she has her boyfriend, sees him almost every day but literally nothing changed in our friendship because it’s our friendship. For her, I’m not something she can use when it suits, and it is convenient and then throw it away, everything is the same.  I guess me and D didn’t survive the great war.

So now I’m left alone, no boyfriend, no best friend that lives around, no nothing, just myself. And it fucking sucks.

I think the idea that I must be with myself forever it’s just unbearable to me, I don’t love myself, I don’t like the way I look, but I don’t have the energy to change it. I can’t do anything unless I feel pretty - that’s means straight hair, pounds of makeup, tight clothes - and I am the worst person, super negative.

I really wish that I would be the type that sees the good in everything, is super happy and bubbly, and positive about every situation, but I am not. Since I was very young, my dad used to make all these promises and dream super big, and my mom would come and give me a reality check and say that I was crazy if I believed what my father says. I think that made me double that anything good could ever be true and happen. So, I would think that “hope is for dumb people who aren’t prepared for the future”, and now I’m this logical machine that can’t even express feelings towards people. It makes a lot of sense to why I am at law school now.

And the worst part is that I hate it. I hate that I can’t react or recreate/express my emotions. I really really wish I could show how much I love people, but I’m just so scared all the time of showing things and then getting attached and being left alone again, it is just so fucking hard to trust someone, and by being this way I end up hurting a lot of people who just wanted to give me love, and I couldn’t accept it, it’s literally just as Taylor described “I broke his heart because he was nice. He was sunshine, I was midnight rain, he wanted it comfortable, I wanted that pain”, and, as Tate described “Feel back when you got closer, after I just put you right through hell, you couldn’t hate me more than I hate myself. I’d always act so selfish, at shit I hadn’t dealt with, so off I go to hurt you again”.

I think that I’m just scared that I’ll never be able to open to someone and I swear that I’m trying so hard to be positive, and trust people, and it just seems that it doesn’t matter what I do, it’s just never enough. If even my fucking best friend, the person I trusted the most, and who used to be my safe place where I felt at home, can just dump me and trade me for someone, why would anyone else stay?

I just really miss my old life, my friends from school, even miss the years that covid took from my “college experience”. Everything is moving so fucking fast and everyone is growing and moving forward, and it feels like I’m stuck, standing still while my world is falling apart and everyone else is the best. They are working, dating, going out, travelling, and I just stay here.  

After all of this vent, I just think that I miss having a person, over these past few years I lost a lot of friends that were so important for me duo something so dumb and literally stupid, and I really miss them. I wish I could go back and change so many things, it’s like a pledge of loyalty to someone who doesn’t even care about me anyone and because of that I lost so many people that were so important to me and I think would be by my side till this day. It’s just very shitty to see how this little things and decisions can change and affect so much of the future.

I think everyone has a point in their life where they feel so lost, and alone, and it doesn’t matter what they do, it’ll never enough and this weird feeling won’t go away. My life till the pandemic was so good, and now I think I’m living my rock bottom, this sounds so dramatic, and it is, but I’ve got a whole future and adult life knocking on my door, and I feel like I’m drowning and can’t catch a break.

I just need everything to stop moving so fast.

[creampuffqueen]

vet stuff…

official last day of my internship today. hopefully it’s not the actual last day there, since i’m going to try and get a Real Job there this summer. i just need to email my supervisor about it

anyway. last day was a crazy day

observed a spay. the dog was in heat and got bred by her brother last week, so the owners got her in for a spay real quick. which props to them tbh. it was early enough that even if she was pregnant, there was no development whatsoever, so it was a normal spay

then when she woke up, she proceeded to just. shit. everywhere. it was horrible. somehow i got tasked with cleaning it up. horrible

so i cleaned it and stuck her back in her fresh kennel. what is the first thing she did upon getting inside? started pooping again

so i take her back out again. she’s drooling everywhere like she’s about to puke, so then we’ve got to get some anti nausea meds in her to prevent that. we get that done. someone says that she needs to go back. but where, i ask, her kennel is still covered in shit.

then. this bitch of a new assistant. TAKES THE DOG FROM ME and says ‘i’ll hold her so you can clean the kennel’. BITCH WHAT THE FUCK. IVE BEEN WORKING HERE SINCE AUGUST AND YOU GOT HERE A WEEK AGO. WHY AM I CLEANING UP THE SHIT CAGE TWICE???

but i hate confrontation so i did it lmao

then one of the dental machines broke in the middle of a dental. so that was fun. the other machine was being used so it wasn’t like they could switch. so my supervisor who is the clinic handyman worked on fixing that for like an hour

and we had this awful chow chow in as well. chow chows are incredibly aggressive, even the most peaceful of the bunch. they’re literally bred to be mean. they’re guard dogs. but holy shit this dog

he was just awful. loud. intimidating. overall bad. had to be completely sedated to do his annual checkup and get samples. tbh the dog needs to be euthanized. he’s a danger and his owner is scared of him. and he’s neutered, so it’s not like there’s much of a fix. which sucks a lot. but behavioral euthanasia is really what’s best. however idk if that will happen

anyway just a chaotic day. but at least that beats standing around doing nothing!!

hoping your girl gets hired for real soon and can make money this summer doing this fun stuff 💃🏼