#i should do a bit of writing but grocery shopping/dinner first
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lordsardine · 1 year ago
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thinkinonsense · 3 months ago
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i was wondering if you could write some dad!logan with a reader whos lauras teacher and maybe laura talks to him about her teacher. thank you!!!!
dad!logan x teacher!reader
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laura was a bright student; one of the brightest in the entire class but there was a small behavioral issue. the young girl would often beat up any student who stole her supplies or made her angry. one of the only people who could calm her down was you; her favorite teacher.
"how was school, kid?" logan asked laura when she walked into the house.
"fine," she answered.
"no more fightin'?" he arched a stern brow at the girl who had been sent home with notes regarding her classroom behavior.
"no." laura glares then explains how you have helped her control her anger.
this wasn't the first time laura had rambled on about you. the young girl's eyes lit up as she told her dad about the pretty young teacher and everything she taught her that day. logan had never met you, the closest being the letters laura brought home to him, on colorful decorative stationery and the one time he saw you through the classroom window when he dropped laura off.
logan thought you were gorgeous even with stray pencils hold up your hair and marker stains on your palms. too pretty to give a man like him the time of day. laura compared you to someone out of a fairytale book.
you seemed to be a good influence on laura so logan had no concerns or complaints. his daughter would often emphasize that there was no ring on your finger either. logan didn't bother entertaining the idea of laura setting him up with her twenty-something year old teacher. instead, he stuck to listening to all of her stories about you and your class.
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅
every saturday morning, you stuck to the same routine; go to your favorite coffee shop and work on next weeks lesson plan then head to the grocery store. it wasn't much but it kept you busy.
as you stroll through the aisles and check items off of your list, a pair of small feet some running your way. a man is heard angrily calling after the child clinging to you.
"hello, sweet girl!" you smile down at laura. "what are you doing here this early?"
before she could answer, a tall older gentlemen approach's you and a swarm of butterflies threaten to fall loose from your mouth. was this laura's father? this -to put it simply- hot man dressed in jeans and a flannel.
logan's mouth opened to scold his daughter but you stop him.
"you must be, mr. howlett?"
your smile was deadly, logan thought to himself. he couldn't stop staring at your soft features. logan had never been left this speechless, all he could do was nod.
luckily for both of you, laura did all the introducing. you tell him how amazing of a kid she is and all the accomplishments she's reached in your classroom. logan was only half listening, a bit too occupied with the way your lips moved as you spoke. he finally managed to spit out a 'thank you' for helping laura.
the young girl wasn't stupid, even she could see that something was happening between the two of you. if she had it her way, you would be coming over to join them for dinner. logan promised her hamburgers tonight.
"well, i should let the two of you continue your shopping." you say politely, not wanting your gawking at her father become anymore noticeable. "see you on monday, laura."
you barely moved three steps before you heard a shuffle and logan stopped you. unbeknownst to you, laura gave him a swift kick in the leg. she wasn't going to let him blow this for her.
"y-you should join us for dinner sometime." he stutters. what happened to the smooth ladies man he once was? had age really caught up to him already?
you hesitate to answer. of course you wanted to. it's been so long since a kind, attractive man has asked you to dinner but this would definitely come off as unprofessional.
"as a thank you." he adds, hoping that will help swayed you.
the moment you look down at laura's wide smile, awaiting your answer; you knew you would cave.
"I would love to."
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅
a/n: might need to do a part two because i love this concept <3
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discordantwritings · 1 year ago
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Imagine- Sugar Daddy Sir Crocodile (SFW + NSFW) (Modern AU)
Warnings: 18+ NO MINORS I don’t care that some of these are SFW. More detailed warnings right before the NSFW
Note: look at me and tell me this man isn’t prime sugar daddy. Also if you want more of this let me know cause. Boy there is so much I could write.
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When he first approached you about the position you were caught off guard. You were a very low ranking member of Baroque Works and never saw much of Sir Crocodile so when you got called into his office you were sure your were getting fired. But, in a way, you were getting a raise.
He doesn’t pressure you into becoming his sugar baby, hell you don’t really give him the chance. A powerful, attractive, rich guy like him? Why would you even think about saying no?
Immediately you stop doing whatever job you already had and get a huge wad of cash. He tells you to buy yourself some nice things to wear since the two of you will be going out to dinner together frequently, and you should look right at home in all the fancy restaurants he will take you to.
So you do. You have the shopping trip of your life, finally able to spend money without having the crippling worry of not being able to pay for your groceries next week. You’re giddy by the time dinner rolls around and it’s time for your first date with Sir Crocodile.
He picks you up and appreciates the outfit you picked out for the night, his eyes wandering over you, putting you slightly off kilter. Being judged (even in a good way) by a man so large and influential was nerve wracking. But, ever the gentleman, he held out his hand and guided you into the car.
He takes you someplace you’ve never heard of before but when you see the menu has no prices listed you know you’re someplace special. He encourages you to order whatever you like and you eat some of the best food you’ve ever tasted.
Admittedly at first getting conversation started is hard. You’ve never had many interactions with him and there was one burning question that you couldn’t get out of your mind.
“Can I ask, why me?”
He doesn’t answer right away, taking a long draw from his cigar. “You’re smart, attractive, and I could see that you might have had some interest in me too. Not much to it.”
You flush a bit when he points out that you had an attraction to him- the few times you did see him at work you did have to admit you were enraptured by his stature and the way he commanded the room. At least you’re not getting killed for it.
After that the conversation flows a bit better as he gets to know some of your hobbies and you are able to learn about his love for him bananawamis. It’s adorable how much he loves those things.
He, of course, picks up the check and drives you home. He holds your hand the entire drive home and you have to admit, you love it. Once you get to your place he gets out and opens your car door for you.
“I know we didn’t discuss if there would be anything more to this than going out to events with me, so if you don’t wish to extend our arrangement that’s fine but-“ He steps into your space, towering over you. “I would love to kiss you.”
Arrangement or not you can’t help but nod and let him pull you into a kiss that leaves you breathless. He tastes like harsh sunlight and cigars but you don’t mind it at all it’s so distinctly him. He steps away and grins and lets you go for the night.
NSFW
Warnings: phone sex, possessiveness, limited description of genitals to fit all readers
But you can’t help but think about him all night. Remembering how the kiss felt and how much you wanted just a bit more from him you got brave and texted him about what would need to be done to “extending your arrangement” even further.
Your phone almost immediately rings and you wonder if it’s a good or a bad sign as you pick up.
His voice is gruff over the phone, you think you also might have caught him in bed. “Now why are you thinking about our arrangement so late at night love?”
You’re not sure what affects you more, the accusation or the term of endearment but either way you feel the heat rising on your neck. You take too long to respond and after some shuffling on his end he speaks up again.
“I have a busy morning so if you don’t speak up…” He trails off and you know you have to answer.
“I was hoping, next time maybe, we could kiss again and…”
“And?” His voice is sharp, demanding.
“More than kissing.” You finish.
“So you’re up late at night thinking about me fucking you?” His straight forward rhetorical question hits you deep and you would be more embarrassed if his words didn’t turn you on so much.
“Yes.” You breathe into the phone. You hear more shuffling on his end and his voice is much lower when it returns.
“You all worked up thinking about me?”
At first you nod, but then realizing he can’t see you you manage to vocalize another “Yes.”
“Good. I want to hear you touch yourself.” From the way his breath sounds over the phone you think he’s touching himself too and that sends electricity through your veins. You snake your hands down your pants and moan as you touch yourself.
“That’s it love.” He rewards you when he hears your vocalizations. “Need to hear everything since I can’t see you. Do that for me.”
Being commanded like that makes you work faster, and you gasp as you tell him exactly what you’re doing. Your peak is coming up faster than it normally does when you masturbate and you tell him that too.
“Me too. Imagine how fast I’ll ruin you when I see you next. You’re mine now, got it? You won’t be able to think of anyone else now that I’ve got my hands on you.” His words are gruff and breathy and you can hear him working himself faster, just like you are.
“I’m close.” You whine to him.
“That’s right, cum for me, make yourself a mess for me.” At his words you come undone, yelling his name as pleasure rides over you in waves. As you come down from your high you hear loud grunts on his end and then heavy breaths, signaling he had cum as well.
There’s a few moments of silence as you both just breathe into the phone, enjoying just the slice of each other presence you have. Crocodile is the one to speak up first.
“Make sure you get yourself cleaned up before you fall asleep. I’ll see you in the office tomorrow, love.” The term of affection has you grinning from ear to ear.
“And also,” He adds. “Don’t bother wearing underwear.”
Yeah, you’re going to love being Sir Crocodile’s sugar baby.
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readerthatreadsss · 1 year ago
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Sweet Fantasy | Dean Winchester
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GIF by born-to-be-his-baby88
(gave myself an actual pat on the fucking back for finding this gif like y'all are gonna see how perfect it is in a second!)
Pairing: Dean Winchester x fem! reader
Word Count: 3.9k
Summary: Dean won't eat his vegetables...until you offer to cash in on a very recent fantasy of his, that is.
Warnings [18+ MINORS DNI]: P*rn w/ some solid plot action actually, a bit of domestic fluff sprinkled in, reader and Dean are married (don't know if that's a warning but you should know?), reader dresses up in a sexy Zorro costume with the hat and mask included, handcuffs (Dean receiving), mentions of a safeword but not used, fingering/masturbation (reader receiving), oral sex (brief Dean receiving), a whole lotta teasing (Dean receiving), p in v sex (cowgirl, missionary), unprotected sex (wrap your willy before you fuck her silly!), dirty talk, switch! Dean, switch! reader, very vocal Dean, brief choking (Dean receiving), creampie.
A/n: Hey! Sorry for disappearing for 3 months again...So classes finished almost 2 months ago and I've been wracking my brain about what to post. I tried finishing some of my drafts and it just wasn't working for me idk. Then, like any normal person, I was randomly watching some SPN bloopers this morning and it got to a scene where Dean said sometimes he wants to get spanked during sex by a girl wearing a Zorro mask and my brain ran with that shit IMMEDIATELY. Now, I'm so sorry I couldn't actually write him actually getting spanked without it sounding corny and just wrong to me? But I did write all of this in 7 hours without stopping so I'm honestly proud of it regardless.
Enjoy...
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It was a Sunday evening in the bunker, meaning you were responsible for dinner. With that task came the additional task of getting Dean to eat whatever vegetables you cooked without complaining and engaging in a rant that would end with him calling himself the “meat man”.
It’s not that you were concerned about Dean's weight or appearance, after 7 years of marriage you were confident that there was nothing in the world that could make you love Dean Winchester any less. But having a steady diet of beer, beef, and pie was a surefire way to kill any man of Dean’s age faster than any monster or demon.
And God knows you’d do anything to ensure he didn’t die before his time.
Hell, you have before.
Which is why you made Dean agree to eat a side of only vegetables with whatever meat he wanted at least once a week. This week it was string beans and sautéed mushrooms, aka his least favorite vegetable.
But you didn’t have the time to make the 45-minute drive to the grocery store earlier that day so he would have to deal.
Or you wish he would deal…
“Mushrooms? Baby come on,” he complained when you placed his plate before him.
“Hey, it’s all that was left in the fridge. Eat up,” you shrugged, placing a kiss on the crown of his head.
“You know, we could always do no vegetables,” Dean offered with a wide grin.
You chuckled and used a finger to squish his stubbled cheek. “You wish, Winchester.”
He sighed in defeat and turned to pick up his fork.
You looked to make sure Sam was out of earshot before leaning down to where your lips grazed Dean’s ear. “Tell you what, if you eat those vegetables I’ll do that thing you told me about…later” you whispered.
Dean’s eyes lit up immediately, “The thing?” he harshly whispered.
You nodded with a smile.
“Costume and everything?” He made a gesture with his hands.
“Yup, I’ve been hiding the costume for weeks.”
“I’m game” Dean agreed, digging into the mushrooms first.
You turned away to share your own plate with a smile.
“I’m gonna go grocery shopping later,” Sam announced as he sat beside Dean with his plate. He met your eyes, “Anything else you forgot to put on the list?”
“Yeah stop at the liquor store and grab me a bottle of red? I ran out,” you answered sitting across from the boys with your plate.
Sam grabbed a pen and a piece of folded paper from his pocket and added it to his list, “Yeah, no problem. What brand again?”
You swallowed a piece of your chicken with a smirk. “I’m sure you already know seeing as you’re the one who emptied the bottle to the very last drop,” you addressed Sam.
His pen slipped from his grip, his green eyes widening to meet your narrowed ones.
“You drink red wine?” Dean pointed at Sam in disbelief as a laugh rumbled in his chest.
“How did you know?” He asked you, ignoring Dean’s quip.
“I saw you passed out in the library clutching the bottle the other night.”
“Listen Dean finished all the beer and it was the first thing I saw,” he defended himself.
“Oh, you’re getting more creative with your excuses. I'm impressed!” You gushed, sarcasm evident in your tone, “What was it again last week? ‘Oh Eileen wanted to taste some’ " you mimicked his gruff tone causing him to roll his eyes and Dean’s laughter to grow louder. “-when we all know that Eileen is a white wine type of gal.”
"I-" Sam tried to come up with a retort but eventually gave up. “Whatever.”
“Yeah pick up 3 bottles this time in case Eileen wants a taste,” you replied with a grin.
“Three bottles?!” He exclaimed.
“You aren’t the one paying for it, genius,” you reminded him, referring to the unlimited card Charlie hacked for you all those years ago.
“Yeah but I’m gonna have to lug it up here,” Sam mumbled as he stuck his fork into his chicken.
Dinner continued mostly in silence with Sam thinking about the two lousy trips he’d have to make between his car and the kitchen once he returns with the groceries, Dean thinking about the reward he’ll be getting for the vegetables he’s actually grown used to eating, and y/n thinking about all the ways she’s gonna make Dean squirm later.
~ ~ ~
Hours had passed since dinner and Sam was now on his way to the grocery store leaving just you and Dean in the bunker.
To say he was excited would be an understatement.
Dean first told you about this fantasy of his after a case you had months ago required you to take a trip to an adult costume shop to question the owner. It took mere seconds for the image of you in the very specific costume to cross his mind after laying eyes on the packaging.
You laughed at the idea when he told you and silently decided you would try and find the costume.
Of course, he didn’t believe you would actually indulge him but you were actually excited too. Costumes and toys weren’t new territory for you and Dean but they were few and far between with your unpredictable hunting schedules.
Dean now sat at the edge of your shared bed wearing pajama pants and a t-shirt waiting for you to return like you had promised.
But it had been almost 20 minutes since you left to get changed and his patience was wearing thin. He was seconds away from getting up and coming to see if you needed help or if you were even hurt.
Which you predicted would be the case.
So you had been standing out of sight by the doorway for less than a minute now waiting for him to try and leave.
“Damnit,” Dean eventually gave in to his worries and began to make his way to the door.
You smirked once you heard his determined steps drawing closer.
Dean’s eyes widened once you spun from your hiding spot against the wall to stand before him. “Looking for me?”
You watched his throat bob and his pupils dilate as he took in your full look.
Atop your head and face rested a sexy black Zorro mask and matching hat. You were also wearing a black sleeveless leather top that stopped in your midriff region and had strings tied between your breasts that allowed a whole lot of cleavage to be on display. The leather skirt that accompanied was low-waisted and stopped at your upper thigh, matching the black thong you were wearing beneath.
You had stretched the thin straps of the thong along your hips above the skirt for added flair.
In your right hand, you held a fake silver sword similar to the one Zorro held in the movies, and hanging from the left side of your skirt were two handcuffs ready and waiting to be used.
You were sex on knee-length boot-covered legs.
Dean felt himself growing hard already.
You bit your bottom lip at the way your husband’s eyes roamed your body, hoping the dark red lipstick covering it was as transfer and waterproof as the box advertised.
“You look...stunning,” Dean marveled. The model on the packaging of the costume didn’t come close to how it looked on your body.
Your heart swelled at the compliment before remembering the persona you had practiced for the night ahead. “Oh I know,” you took a step closer and leaned against the doorway. You pointed the sword in Dean’s direction. “Why are you still dressed, Dean?” you asked with furrowed brows and a smile.
A chuckle almost left your lips at the sight of Dean fumbling with his pant strings and tripping over his own legs to send the pajama bottoms flying over to a random corner while throwing off his t-shirt with record speed.
He stood before you in only his boxers, his enjoyment of your costume evident by the bulge in the center.
“Get on the bed.” You told him, your tone not excessively commanding but sexy enough to make him obey immediately.
“Yes ma’am,” he smirked, quickly sitting and sliding up to the headboard of the bed.
You walked further into the room and placed your sword down before climbing onto the bed and slowly crawling to where Dean sat. His green eyes followed your every move as you moved to straddle him, but not fully.
You then grabbed the two pairs of handcuffs attached to your hips and twirled them around your fingers. “How you feeling Dean?” you checked in, your hips hovering above his thighs, making sure to not touch his erection just yet.
“Oh, I feel great. Real great. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this great,” he nodded eagerly as you cuffed each of his hands to each bedpost, getting a face full of your boobs in the process.
"You sound nervous," you teased him, "Am I making you nervous baby?"
"Me? Nervous? Pfft!"
You scoffed, not believing him one bit. "What's our safe word?" you asked him gently.
Dean leaned forward as much as his restraints would allow to press a sweet kiss against your stomach. " 'Oklahoma', baby," he grinned.
You then let your clothed ass sink down on his covered erection. Dean groaned and tried to reach for your hips instinctively only to meet the restriction of the handcuffs. “I hope they aren’t too tight 'cause they’re gonna be on there for a while,” you nearly bust out laughing at the look Dean gave you.
“A while?” he repeated, dreading not being able to touch you at a time like this.
You shrugged, “If you behave I might change my mind.”
Before he could argue further, you leaned forward and connected your lips in a searing kiss. His breath was hot against your face as your lips drifted to his neck while your hands found themselves in his hair.
A breathy groan slipped past his lips when you nipped a specific spot beneath his ear lobe. “You’re so loud. Maybe I should’ve bought a muzzle,” you whispered in his ear teasingly, feeling his dick jump beneath you at your words. “I'll remember that next time,” you replied to his body's response.
“Baby, do you have any idea how amazing you look? ” Dean gushed, struggling against his restraints as you began to grind your hips against his covered cock.
You smiled and met his lips in a kiss once again. He slipped his tongue between your welcoming lips, allowing his taste to flood your mouth. You pulled away seconds later, nipping his bottom lip, and removed yourself from his lap.
He watched nervously, awaiting your next move while you scooted farther away from him along the bed. You slowly slipped off your boots, your confidence unwavering as you held Dean’s hungry stare.
He watched you use a hand to hold yourself upright before spreading your legs open to reveal the lace thong covering your already-drenched pussy. “Are you about to..." he trailed off, jaw clenched as he spoke.
"Hmm mhm. And there is not a damn thing you can do about it...except watch," you slowly removed your thong and threw it at Dean’s lap. He immediately became hyperaware of the feeling of the wet lace draped over his dick.
You slowly brought two fingers up to your lips and sucked them even slower to coat them in your saliva and give Dean a show before bringing them down to where you needed them the most. You began slow ministrations against your aching clit, pulling moans from yourself that made Dean impossibly harder.
He took a deep breath at the sight, imagining his own fingers parting your folds and rubbing at your swollen clit.
“You are a menace,” Dean laughed in obvious distress, licking his dried lips. He couldn’t handle watching you touch yourself without being able to touch you any longer so he looked away, swallowing harshly at the sound of your wetness against your fingers.
“Look at me Dean,” you mewled, continuing to rub your pussy in small quick circles. He turned reluctantly, watching as you slowly pushed two fingers inside your dripping hole. “See this, baby? It’s all for you,” you said, melting into a moan when your fingers grazed a spot inside you that drew your orgasm closer.
“I gotta taste you, baby,” Dean pleaded, “Open these and let me taste you, please,” he rattled the handcuffs against the bedposts.
The pure agony in his voice had your fingers and breathing speeding up and soon your climax was approaching. Dean’s breathing picked up in response. “Fuck, Dean I’m gonna cum,” you moaned, pressing a thumb to your clit while your fingers kept working inside of you to bring you to the edge.
A thin layer of sweat appeared on Dean’s forehead as he watched you keenly. He bit his bottom lip hard enough to draw blood, his self-control draining by the second.
Your eyes remained open and locked onto his, your moans growing louder and borderline pornographic. You were putting on a show and he was losing his mind.
“I’m cumming, fuck-“ you panted as your first orgasm of the night slammed into you and caused you to make a small mess on the sheets beneath you. Your body shook sporadically with aftershocks of your own work
Dean’s head hung low. “Jesus baby,” he huffed, his own voice strangled, “you’re trying to give me a heart attack aren’t you?”
You smiled as you crawled back up to sit on Dean’s lap, taking your thong and throwing them somewhere unseen. “Ehh maybe,” you replied coyly, straightening your hat and mask. “And since you behaved so well,” you reached a hand down to touch his clothed cock, “I think you deserve a reward,” you pressed a quick kiss to his lips.
Dean allowed you to pull his boxers off his body, watching you wrap a hand around his painfully erect cock. “Fuck,” he groaned at the feeling of your hand wrapped around him.
You slid down to where you could lay flat on your stomach between his legs and leaned down to briefly swirl your tongue around where precum was gathered at the tip.
“Take the hat off and look at me pretty girl,” Dean said.
You complied, throwing the hat off to the edge of the bed before diving down and licking his tip once again, but this time keeping your eyes locked onto his.
“Holy shit,” Dean groaned, his hips twitching upwards. You then opened your mouth and wrapped it around his length, slowly sliding down until your nose was nuzzled at the base, staying there for a few seconds before coming back up for air. “Hell yes, baby that's perfect,” he panted as you began sucking faster along his length, a few lone tears flowing from beneath the mask from the familiar stretch of his cock in your throat.
Your head continued to bob up and down Dean’s length for some time, drawing shallow moans of your name and grunts from him before you finally let up and pressed one last kiss against the side of his cock.
Dean’s chest heaved as you licked your lips and used a hand to wipe your face clean. “Goddamnit," he whined at your sudden stop, feeling his impending orgasm return to its hiding place.
You grabbed your previously discarded Zorro hat and placed it back on your head before hiking your skirt up to allow you more room to move your legs around Dean’s lap. “Can’t have you cumming before I’m done with you sweetheart,” you replied while untying the strings of your top and removing it.
The keys to the handcuffs dropped onto Dean’s lap from where you previously hid them in your top. You had honestly forgotten you put them there but it just presented yet another opportunity to get Dean all whiny and desperate, which was a rarity that you rather enjoyed.
“Oops would you look at that,” you exclaimed playfully, taking them up and dangling them in front of Dean’s eyes.
"Alright baby you broke me. Come on, just let me go, and trust me, I will make it worth your while,” Dean bargained with you.
"As enticing as that sounds," you paused and brought your hand up to caress Dean’s cheek before pulling him in for a sloppy kiss. You pulled away with a grin. “I love hearing you beg, so no,” you whispered against his lips.
Dean loudly groaned watching you gently place the keys down on the closest nightstand. “Shit,” he shut his eyes.
But they shortly shot open once you used a hand to grip his length and bring it between your dripping folds.
A pleased hum left your lips once the tip glazed your clit causing Dean to swallow harshly. “Aren’t you sick of teasing me,” he hissed.
Fuck no.
You used a free hand to grip the back of his hair. “Take a deep breath for me, Dean,” you told him, feeling his chest rise against yours soon after. And as it fell, you slipped his cock inside your entrance.
You slowly sank down onto his length until it was fully buried inside you, groaning at the welcomed stretch.
“I love those sounds you make for me,” Dean whispered against your lips.
“Oh you’re gonna be making some of those sounds too,” you smirked, clenching around him causing a sharp grunt to reach your ears.
You guided your hips up and down Dean’s length, riding him at a quickening pace. He jerked his hips upward to match your cadence drawing a gasp from your lips when his cock hit that spot inside you that had you seeing stars. “There you go baby,” Dean groaned, “you look so fucking good riding my cock.”
The hat and mask from your costume managed to stay in place as you slammed down on Dean’s cock repeatedly. And it was an image that he would never forget.
Your hand released Dean’s hair and instead found itself wrapped around Dean’s neck as you rode him faster. A whine that shot straight to your cunt escaped his lips when your fingers slightly tightened their grip around his throat.
You suddenly slowed down and instead began to grind your hips against his, moaning loudly when your clit grazed his pelvis. “I’m gonna cum again shit!” You threw your head back in obscene pleasure, releasing Dean's throat and holding onto his shoulders to steady yourself.
“Fuck yes. Use my cock to get off, sweetheart,” Dean urged you on before leaning forward to suck one of your nipples as best as he could.
This soon pushed you over the edge, your climax tearing a scream from within you as your hips faltered around Dean’s cock, your hat flying off your head once more. Dean relished in the way your cunt pulsed around him from your orgasm as well as the look of sheer pleasure that crossed your face at that moment. “You’re so beautiful,” he smiled up at you, meaning every word.
You kissed his forehead with a smile and reached for the handcuff keys. “I think I’ve tortured you enough,” you freed his right hand first, pressing a kiss against his wrist, then did the same to his left, “This is supposed to be a reward after all.”
Dean’s lips curved into a smirk at his newfound freedom. “Yes it is, sweetheart.”
A surprised yelp left your lips when Dean gripped your hips and flipped you onto your back. He grabbed your hat and placed it on his own head before sending you a wink. “And I’m not feeling rewarded just yet.”
You nearly came just from the sight of Dean hovering above you in only that hat. “We’re gonna have to talk about my sexy cowboy fantasy when we’re done here,” you raised a brow.
A low chuckle echoed from Dean’s chest. He reached up and tipped his hat in your direction, “yes ma’am.” He replied with a deep southern drawl.
Your pussy clenched instantly.
“That was hot as fuck,” you breathed.
“Thank you darlin’ “ he replied in the same accent with a wink.
You giggled before pulling him down for a kiss. He pulled away and touched the mask still wrapped around your eyes. “And thank you for doing this for me, baby,” he smiled down at you, “It was so so much better than I imagined.”
“It was definitely my pleasure,” you nodded happily, feeling his hands glide down your sides.
“Was?” He protested playfully. “The night is still young, sweetheart!” He threw your legs over his shoulder causing you to exclaim at the sudden move. He placed a kiss on each of your thighs and lined himself up with your entrance before entering you once again.
“FUCK” you cried out at the sudden intrusion, feeling your eyes well up with tears of pleasure in record time.
Dean pulled out and slammed into you once again, his grip on your legs tightening as he eased into a quick pace.
“YES-Dean holy shit,” you moaned, eyes quickly rolling to the back of your head and back arching up and off the bed as he fucked you with reckless abandon.
“How’s it feeling baby?” Dean said, bringing a hand down to play with your clit.
“So good, Dean, so fucking good,” you rambled, your skin buzzing with pleasure, “Harder, please, I'm almost there,” you found yourself begging.
“You gonna cum for me already pretty girl?” He sped up his slaughter on your cunt, "Maybe I should make you beg for it?" his voice was low and demeaning but only spurred you on more.
You shook your head adamantly while your hands fumbled around Dean's waist for a solid grip. So he simply released your legs and grabbed your hands before holding them down above your head, driving his cock into you even harder at this new angle.
“Dean!" you broke off into a strangled moan.
Dean’s lips attacked your open neck. “I wish we had neighbors so they could hear you screaming my fucking name,” he all but growled as the sounds of your moans and skin against skin plagued the air.
You came with a yell seconds later, your release coating Dean’s cock and the sheets. “That’s my girl. There you go baby,” he released your hands and held your face, guiding you down from your high.
Your hands gripped Dean’s hair harshly as you kissed his lips and his hips stuttered, his cum coating your insides soon after. You swallowed his grunts as his cock continued to leak and twitch inside you.
Broken pants befell both your lips in between sloppy kisses while your orgasms passed and your shared spend flowed between your legs. You eventually released his lips for air, “That was-“
“-Incredible,” he mirrored your thoughts, removing your hat from his head. Dean used a hand to remove your mask and brush a few strands of hair behind your ears once he moved to lie down beside you.
“Hi,” you grinned in awe of the man you called your husband. “Hey sweetness,” he grinned back, adoration evident in his deep green eyes.
Your cheeks flushed as he pressed a kiss against your forehead. He quickly grabbed his previously discarded t-shirt and used it to clean up the mess between your legs before throwing it in the laundry basket nearby.
You snuggled into his side once he returned to the bed.
“So uhh what was it you were saying about your cowboy kink?” Dean smugly asked after a few seconds.
“Goddamnit Dean,” you shamefully groaned into his side, gaining a chuckle from him.
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ANDDD SCENE!
Hope it wasn't too bad seeing as I gave up on editing it like 75% through it.
Tbh I highly doubt more than 20 people are gonna see this because I have no idea how strong the Supernatural fandom's presence is on here, which also means that I don't know if anyone has used a plot like this one before so don't be afraid to let me know if that is the case and I will make changes as I see fit!
(Also let me know if you want a sequel one shot with sexycowboy! Dean and reader. Or feel free to make any other requests)
Reblogs, likes, and comments are ALWAYS appreciated :)
divider creds : @cafekitsune
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wolfpackss · 1 year ago
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Can i request sam uley fluff and smut?
I love your writing btw🤭
Thank you! You just made my day!! I love Sam, he doesn’t get enough credit. I did my best, hope you enjoy! This got way too long by the way… and so sorry for the slightest bit of angst.
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You never thought you would be in this position. You are not that girl, you never were. So how did you become her? The girl that stole your best friends boyfriend. You were the one she came to when their relationship fell apart, him claiming he fell out of love with her and they just weren’t right for each other. You were the one who confronted him the next day about his actions and got sucked into this fantasy type situation with wolves and vampires.
That was three months ago, you haven’t spoken to Leah since she caught you and Sam grocery shopping two weeks after they broke up. You wanted to tell her about you and Sam, you really did but something always came up and you just didn’t wanted to lose her to something that not you nor Sam had say in. You’re happy, happier than you thought you’d be when Sam told you he imprinted on you. You actually hated him at that point for breaking your best friend’s heart and forcefully taking yours. At least that’s what you told yourself. Because somewhere between the hate and the fear, you began falling for the alpha.
Two months ago you had your first date. Sam wanted to take you out to dinner at some fancy restaurant but something came up and it became a home cooked meal instead, which made the night even better. It didn’t take long before the conversation about Leah started and the nerves started showing. You explained your fears and doubts and he listened, answering every question you threw at him. He loved Leah, he still does. And I expect him to, she deserves that much. But that doesn’t mean he loves me any less. As the date comes to an end, he wraps you up in his arms and kisses your temple washing almost every doubt away.
One month ago you kissed him. You didn’t mean to, but he got hurt and you got worried so you did the first thing you could think off when he stepped through the front door. He wraps his arms around you as he tilts your head to deepen the kiss. His tongue licking your bottom lip and you open your mouth hungrily. “I should get injured more if this is what I come home to” you don’t respond and claim his mouth with yours again. You’re just glad he’s okay, and safe in your arms.
And tonight you’re giving him your all. Every little thing that comes with you, your body, your soul and the tiny little piece of heart you got back. The talk you had with Sue made you realize that the feelings between me and Sam were always meant to be, we would always find a way to each other. If you couldn’t accept that then all of this would have been for nothing. Leah’s heartbreak, Sam’s imprinting, everything. You made your decision and now it’s time to show it.
You’re nuzzled into Sam’s side on the couch as he rubs his fingers up and down your arm. His other hand holding the remote and flipping through the stations. “Sam? Are you okay?” You glance up at him and he pulls you closer. “Yeah baby, Honestly? I’ve never been better” you lean up to kiss his cheek. “You make me happy Uley, you know that?” He looks down at you and you can see a smile forming on his face. His face brightens up and you immediately think about Sue’s words.
“Don’t let your insecurities ruin what may very well be your destiny”
You smile to yourself, it’s now or never. You turn around and face Sam who’s looking at you with his eyebrow raised. “Babe what are you doi-.”you cut him off by pressing your lips against his. Before Sam can begin to comprehend what you’re doing, you pull away. You smile sheepishly at him and run your fingers through your hair. You two stare at each other for a moment before the tension breaks. He claims your mouth with his, grabbing your hips to pull you closer to him, pulling you onto his lap. You wrap your arms around his neck and grab his hair forcefully. You pull away. “Bedroom” you whisper against his lips. “Are you sure?” He pulls away to look at you and you can see the concerned look in his eyes. “Make me yours, alpha.”
The moment you stumble through the bedroom door, lips never leaving his, he grabs the globes of your ass and hoists you up. He pushes you against the door, grinding his hips into yours, making you feel his hardened length rubbing against your the front of your jeans. “Sam…” you moan into his mouth as he squeezes your ass and pulls away. “Off, everything off right now” he mumbles while pressing his forehead against yours. You comply, pulling your shirt over your head, leaving you in your jeans and bra while he’s still holding you, almost trapped against the door. You reach behind you and clasp your bra open, letting it fall from your shoulders and off your body. Sam lets out a low growl and dips his head into the side of your neck, licking, kissing, biting every inch of skin he can reach. He drops you slowly to the floor before slowly unbuttoning your pants while his lips never leave your neck. Your hands grab at his arms, squeezing the muscles, your nails digging in his skin. He pushes your jeans of your hips and as you step out of them, you tug at his shorts, wanting them off. As his shorts fall down to his ankles, you pull his boxers down with it, grabbing his length and stroking it slowly. “Fuck.” Sam mumbles against your neck as his one hand slowly trails your body, stopping to pinch and twist your nipples while the other is slowly moving towards the inside of your thighs. “Babe, fuck.. you’re soaked” he rubs your clit through your soaked panties as you mewl and squeeze his cock. “Sam, I need you.. please baby please..” you whimper as he slides your panties down your legs and pushes two thick fingers inside you, hooking them to a spot that takes your breath away. “Need to stretch you out baby, you’re so fucking tight.” He growls into your ear, scissoring his fingers, opening you up. All to soon he pulls them out of you making you whine.
He hoists you up again and you wrap your legs around his waist as he walks towards the bed with you in his arms. He lays you down and gently gets on top of you, letting his hard cock slide between your folds as the head nudges your clit. You let out a soft moan and nuzzle your face in his neck. “Please.” You both look at each other as he grips his cock, pumps it a few times and lines it up at your entrance. He slowly pushes in, you moan softly at the feeling of being filled. He stops to let you adjust to his size and as you give him a soft kiss on the lips to continue, he pulls out and pushes back in. “Please Sam, faster.” You claw at his back as his movements become more powerful and more intense. it’s not long before you can feel your walls tighten around him. Sam feels you tighten and brings his left hand to your clit, getting you closer to the edge. And when you finally get there, you let out the longest moan you’ve ever heard, coming from yourself. You can feel Sam’s cock throbbing through your orgasm, hear him growling in your ear and rubbing his nose up and down your neck.
“Mine!”
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matthew-gray-gubler-lover · 15 days ago
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Thanksgiving With Matthew
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A story that I wrote about Thanksgiving with Matthew Grey Gubler 
2844 words.
Pure fluff.
Thanksgiving is only three days away. Usually, Thanksgiving means having a catered meal and Matthew's entire family, meaning that the house is filled with laughter. Board games And Random dance party's. And memories That will last a lifetime. which is always wonderful because It's so nice to be a part of a family like Matthews.
 However, this year we're going for something a little different. We're going to make Thanksgiving ourselves and spend it alone, just the two of us. an attempt to make a Thanksgiving meal from scratch should be a lot of fun with Matthew, especially since I do know how to cook. 
I cook with my mom and we always made Thanksgiving together And knowing that my mom is but a phone call away whenever I need some help is a great Comfort Matthew and I start planning the list for everything that we're going to need to make our Thanksgiving dinner We're going to have it all Homemade rolls. Homemade pie and we're even going to make our very own Turkey for the first time.
Matthew and I are sitting at the little Table that's inside of our spacious kitchen. The sun shining through the large windows. Beaming off of the white cabinets and countertops. Matthew is pouring a cup of freshly brewed coffee as he wears his tan teddy bear sweater. 
He also pours me a cup into our matching mugs, 2 white mugs that say "thankful" on them. We both sit down at the table and begin writing a list of everything that we will need from the grocery store.
This is a lot of ingredients and we're not even done yet?" Matthew asks me. " Wow, I'm really going to have to give the caterers an even bigger tip next year"
" We haven't even made this Thanksgiving dinner yet, and you're already planning on having it catered again next year? but i really hope this doesn't end in disaster". I laugh as I am helping Matthew make out the list. 
"I mean, I know how to cook, but Turkey? My mom always took care of that, so I don't know. but i do know one thing Matthew, you are magical, and I know that you can make anything work so This will probably be the best Thanksgiving ever" i tell him before taking a sip of coffee.
Well, thank you for believing in me, honey. I believe in you too. And I think that this is going to be a really great experience. I don't think I've ever had a homemade Thanksgiving meal" Matthew tells me.
 "so this would be something You've never had a homemade Thanksgiving meal? Oh well, I am happy to be your first" 
"No, all of my Thanksgiving dinners were always catered" Matthew answers as he writes some more items on the list for when we go grocery shopping.
" All of my Thanksgivings were always homemade. Actually, I always had two Thanksgivings, one of my grandma's house and then one when we would come back home. So I had two Thanksgivings every year for 10 years till mom, dad and i just had our own thanksgiving"
" Wow, two Thanksgivings. That means double the pie. Pie is the best part of Thanksgiving, I think. I mean, I love the Turkey and the mashed potatoes, but pie? That's the best part" Matthew says with a chuckle.
The dining room behind us Lighting up with sunlight now as well, The large dining room with the long Table that's usually filled up now with plates and silverware along with platters waiting to be filled up with the catered food. This year the table is empty, and we are a little bit sad to see it, but also very excited about our first Thanksgiving with just the two of us.
We drive to the grocery store knowing it's going to be busy since it's only three days till Thanksgiving. But we have A lot of ingredients to get to make our first homemade Thanksgiving.
We go through the store, long list in hand, picking up everything that we will need to get from the grocery store. We are also going to stop off at the farmers market to get our produce.
We buy bags of flour and sugar. A can of pumpkin. Boxes of butter. Cream of mushroom soup for the green bean casserole. A can of yams. 2 bags of mini marshmallows because you can never have too many mini marshmallows. And of course, a Butterball Turkey Is added into the cart along with everything else that we will need to make our Thanksgiving Dinner.
After we leave the grocery store, we stop at the farmers market to pick up our Yukon Gold potatoes. Apples for the pie. Cherries for the pie. Green beans. And of course, Matthew can't help but find a little pumpkin to put on our table.
We head to the checkout, and I noticed that Matthew is suddenly missing when I hear him calling my name from behind me, running up with three gallons of apple cider.
" They only have 3 gallons left" I hear him say as he gets closer to me.
" Good Thing you're buying all three of them. It is seasonal, probably the last time you'll see it. Now everything is going to go to eggnog" i smile as he adds the three gallons to our cart.
As we get closer to the checkout, Matthew notices some pecans.
" Oh, pecan pie. We should make a pecan pie too" Matthew tells me, picking up a bag of the pecans.
He looked so happy, there's no way that I could possibly tell him no. So we add 2 bags of pecans to our cart of goodies.
On the way home, we have to stop off at the grocery store again to buy everything that we will need to make a pecan pie.
By the time we get back home, it's a little late. We make dinner together, eat, and then after a shower we get in our nice warm jammies since it is getting a bit cool out in the November Weather.
We snuggle up and watch a movie together until we both fall asleep almost at the same exact time.
When morning comes, we are still cuddled the same way we fell asleep. yet somehow when we walk into the kitchen there are two mugs of hot coffee and two cinnamon buns waiting for us.
"how did this get here" i asked looking at Mathew really wondering where they come from. "we woke up together" i said.
"it's magic" he told me with a wink.
we have a busy day ahead of us doing some pre-Thanksgiving prep Which is pretty much just taking that large dining room It's usually used for family and filling it up with all of the ingredients for the things that were going to be making. putting them in categories, the stuff that we can anyway All refrigerated items will stay in the refrigerator until it's time to use them. However, the items that are not Perishable like the flour, sugar, marshmallows, can of yams Will all be piled neatly on the table waiting for us to prepare the food.
After doing all of that, we decide to take a rest since we know that tomorrow is going to be a very busy day for us Morning comes, and Matthew puts on a pot of coffee, and we begin making our Thanksgiving dinner.
"We have a lot of work ahead of us today", Matthew says. as he ties on his apron that says "give thanks" On it, I didn't think that he could possibly look any cuter than he already did wearing his purple sweater but somehow, he always manages to be Cuter.
" Yes, we do. I don't know where we should get started" I said, looking around at all of the food that we have to make.
" Probably Turkey. I think that'll take the longest to do since we want to do a nice slow Roast and get it nice and brown" Matthew tells me as he turns to get the Turkey from our refrigerator.
" Oh yes, the Turkey ugh"
" What's the matter?" He asks, setting the Turkey down on our counter.
" Just I really don't want to have a touch of raw Turkey. I mean, it's just so gross. My mom always takes care of the Turkey, so I never actually had to touch it" I said with a slight shudder.
" Well then honey, I guess I will be taking care of the Turkey". Matthew says with a chuckle before cutting the wrapper off of the raw Turkey.
" Thank you. Have I told you how much I love you yet today?" I asked with a giggle.
Matthew puts the scissors down that he was using to cut open the Turkey Puts his hand on his hip Looking up and putting his mouth over to the side a little bit before saying. "You know, I don't think that you have today" He says now, placing his hand over his heart. "I'm a bit hurt" He tells me dramatically.
" I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. I love you", I told him before placing a quick kiss on his lips
" OK, I'm all better now, I can go back to cooking" he tells me " And I love you too" He finishes the sentence.
It takes hours of us making pie crust and rolling it out, making it the right thickness in the pie pan.
Washing and removing the pits from cherries. Peeling and cutting apples. Peeling and cutting potatoes. Making dough for rolls and allowing the rolls to rise. Along with sauteing the onions, celery and carrots that be added to the bread to make stuffing.
with Both of our in wall Large Capacity stainless steel Double ovens Preheating.
Matthew puts a Thanksgiving parade on our large TV that we can see from our kitchen. The yearly tradition is the perfect background sound for our busy Thanksgiving prep.
I'm mixing all the ingredients together to make our pumpkin pie. as the apple and cherry pies are baking in the oven. I'm pouring the pumpkin mixture into the pan when I hear on the TV saying everybody at Santa Claus.
That's the last thing I hear before I hear Matthews screaming "Santa" like He is Buddy the Elf.
I can't help but laugh. his love of Santa Claus is just One of the many things I love about him.
" Just think maybe we can do the same thing for Christmas, just you and me.  I'm having a lot of fun making Thanksgiving dinner. It is a lot of work, yes, but it's fun working alongside you. making some Thanksgiving magic"
 I can't deny that my heart skips a beat when I hear him say these words.
" I'm glad you're having fun. I'm having fun too"
" I can't believe all these years and I've never cooked like this, i have been really missing out"
i smile at him, he looks so happy.
He finishes putting the Rest of the pecans into the pie, It looks like a work of art, but of course it does. It's Matthew. He places the pie into the oven after he takes out the apple pie and cherry pie. So adds the pumpkin pie once I have finished adding the last few drops of feeling to the crust.
The potatoes are cooking, the Turkey is roasting. 2 pies are cooling, 2 pies are cooking. The rolls are just about ready to put into the oven after we decide how to make each roll special We make 4 of each. Onion rolls. Sesame seed rolls And celery seed rolls Along with eight plain rolls.
Matthew and I sit down for a break while everything is cooking, and the pies are cooling.
Sit on the couch and begin to watch a movie Aladdin.
We don't sit for too long before we get back up and start making the green bean casserole and the candied yams.
Did we end up eating almost a half a bag of mini marshmallows as we were making the candy dams? We might have.
" It's a good thing we bought 2 bags of these" Matthew says before popping another mini marshmallow into his mouth.
" Yes, it is"
When our favorite part of Aladdin comes on the magic carpet ride. Matthew and I stop and watch it from the kitchen. It's only on for a short time before Matthew takes my hand and turns me to him, saying "let's dance. After all, Thanksgiving always has a random dance party, right? So how about a slow dance along with a song from our favorite part of Aladdin?"
We dance around the kitchen slowly Until the song ends.
"You know it's better than a random Thanksgiving dance party?"
"No what?" I ask
"A random Thanksgiving dance party with you"
:you are so sweet" i tell him.
"thank you"
"Now time for the most daunting task. It is something that no one can possibly do Get the cranberry sauce out of the can without making Ribbons Out of the edges of it, I set you up for failure. I mean, it's Ocean Spray and it still doesn't come out of the can the right way. No matter how hard my mom and I try, we always end up tearing up the Cranberry sauce every year" I tell Matthew as I'm taking the pies out of the oven. I turned around and Matthew has a little tray that's filled with perfectly sliced cranberry sauce. It looks just like the Picture on the can. Possibly better.
" How did you do that?" I ask.
" I just opened the can and took it out" Matthew says, as if what he just did was not pure magic.
" I can't believe..... Is there anything that you can't do? Matthew, I'm telling you, you are truly magical. No one can get the cranberry sauce out of the can look like that"
"Nope just me" he laughs.
" I have to show this to my mom " I tell Matthew before taking a picture and sending it to her .
We bring everything into the dining room. The large table is almost completely filled with food, except for the Turkey that is still roasting in the oven and two pies.
" I think the Turkey might be ready. It smells a lot like Thanksgiving in here", Matthew says with a chuckle.
" It sure does Smelling Turkey to this extent usually means that it's done" i tell him.
Matthew goes and opens the bottom oven. The Turkey is perfectly cooked
" Wow, look at that. It looks better than a Thanksgiving Turkey picture" I told him, looking at the Turkey.
" Well, thank you. It's the first Turkey I've ever roasted" He tells me with a chuckle.
Matthew takes the Turkey out and puts it on a platter, and we both walk into the dining room, the table completely filled with food except for the two remaining pies in the oven.
As soon as those are done, we bring those in and put them on the table as well.
" I don't think this table has ever been this full of food" Matthew tells me, standing back to take a look at all of the food we made.
We get our plates and walk around the table gathering all of the food that we want to eat before sitting next to each other at the large table.
" I think this is the best Thanksgiving meal I've ever had" Matthew tells me before taking a sip of his drink.
" Thank you. You know why it's the best? Because it was made with a lot of love" i tell him.
We finish our meal and put everything in containers and put them in the refrigerator, Clean all of the dishes and place them into the dishwasher. Having three Levels in the dishwasher comes in really handy On days like today.
Matthew and I sit down on the couch, completely exhausted and totally stuffed. It takes about 10 minutes before Matthew realizes we haven't had pie.
" You know, we haven't eaten any pie yet. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally stuffed, but I think that there's room for some pie in there" He tells me with a chuckle.
We get up and go to the kitchen where there is all four pies. Every hour we have another slice of pie Starting with Pumpkin Then Apple Followed by Cherry And ending with the pecan.
We spend the whole time they were eating the pie watching Christmas movies.
We end the night by watching A Christmas Story.
" This truly was one of the best Thanksgiving of my life" Matthew tells me, wrapping a arm around me as we sit on the couch watching the movie.
" It was one of the best of my life too, Matthew"
" And you know what else tomorrow and the next few days, we have leftovers So we get to relive Thanksgiving for at least three more days " Matthew tells me happily .
We end up falling asleep on the couch together. We do finally make our way upstairs to bed in the middle of the night. When we wake up in the morning, we're all ready for our leftovers.
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chaosduckies · 7 months ago
Text
Restoration (Chapter 8)
A bunch of scenes because why not? On another note, it is extremely hard to write a scene in winter when it’s the middle of April. I hope you enjoy anyhow! Because now I’m really getting into the plot.
Word Count: 5.9k
CW: Death, crying, vague thoughts of suicide, severe trauma, (anything else idk??)
8-Ryker
It was Thanksgiving break. The first official break from school until Christmas. Words could not describe how grateful I was for the week-long break. There was no reason to have so much work piled up a couple weeks before the end of first semester. 
I was laying in my bed on my phone. It was about to turn six, which meant I should probably get started on dinner, but I just couldn’t bring myself to climb out of bed. I was physically and mentally tired of keeping up with everyone and whatever plans they had with their friends, taking care of Isabelle and Angela since they were still little, and on top of that keep up with the chores around the house. 
I grabbed my phone off the charger, stretched out my arms and legs from laying down, and opened my door to get started on dinner. The living room was oddly quiet, with Dylan and Lucky playing a game. Isabelle playing a game with Angela on the carpet that consisted of a bunch of stuffed animals and blankets. I smiled to myself. 
“What do you guys feel like eating for dinner?” I leaned against the kitchen island, waiting for an answer. 
“Spaghetti!” Isabelle and Angela answered at the time, giggling at one another. I think I could do that. I don’t know if Lucky can though. It was the first weekend of the break and I’d probably need to go grocery shopping tomorrow anyways. 
I looked in Dylan’s direction, making them pause whatever they were playing together. He just shrugged his shoulders, “Whatever’s easier for you.” Always with the same response. 
“Ummm, I can go check what we have.” Lucky told me, getting Dylan to let him onto the floor. All I could do was wait now. Jasmine was staying over at her friends today and tomorrow. I just told her to text me if she goes anywhere far and if she needed anything. Weird, right? Usually the parent handles these kinds of things, but in the situation my siblings and I are in it’s literally impossible. 
Lucky came back, shaking his head, “We don’t have the things for spaghetti,” He laid down on the arm rest of the couch and grabbed his remote, “You should call Nathan to come over. He hasn’t been here in a while. Plus, he’s so much better at cooking than I am. Right, Angela?” 
“Yeah!” 
I bit the side of my cheek. I don’t know about that. Just asking Nathan to come over to cook and then ask him to leave? That was wrong. Plus, he told me before the break that he’ll be pretty busy. Or… texted me. Either way, I shouldn’t bother him. Maybe he actually has a meal with his family for Thanksgiving and they were all getting ready for it already. On the other hand, Lucky makes something else for him and Angela, Angela doesn’t eat, and then everything goes downhill from there. 
Looking at my phone, I picked it up, opening the messages app, and clicked on Nathan’s name. The last time he came here, Jasmine did kind of freak him out. I remember him not being able to leave anyone’s side if she was in the room. I wonder if he’d even want to come over after that. At school the next day he was a little nervous, but otherwise fine afterward, but I’m sure whatever Jasmine told him is still stuck in his mind. Ugh. This was such a bad idea. 
Ryker: I have a huge favor to ask you 
I waited for a response, watching Dylan and Lucky play a fighting game against one another. I had no idea who was winning, but I’m pretty sure it was Lucky. Actually… it was kind of weird how Lucky seemed to want Nathan around more often. Like, really weird. Especially when every time Nathan came, he would practically ditch him with me. I honestly don’t mind, I liked having Nathan come over, but still. I had wondered why, but I wasn’t going to ask. 
Nathan: Yeah?
Ryker: Do you mind coming over to help Lucky cook something? 
Ryker: You don’t have to 
Well, if he says no Lucky will have to make whatever he can and I’d have to break the news to Angela. If you didn’t know, four year olds can be a little hard to deal with sometimes. So, this might just turn out to be a very, very bad day. 
Nathan: Sure! 
Nathan: Anything specific?
I stared at his text, relief washing over me. Dylan let out a cheer from winning against Lucky. Wow. Perfect timing. I was just so grateful right now. Nathan was literally the greatest friend ever. Now I have to think of someway to thank him. That shouldn’t be too hard, right? 
Ryker: They wanted spaghetti
Ryker: And thank you  
Nathan: No problem :)
Ryker: I guess I’ll be at the bus stop in about twenty minutes? 
Nathan: Okay 
I stuffed my phone in my pocket, “Okay, I’ll be right back, just text me if something happens.” I told Dylan, who nodded his head. And with that, I walked out the door and into the cold air. 
———Nathan———
Winters in the city were bad. But not as bad as when we were still help captive. Now those days were terrible. Horrifying even. It was still freakishly cold here. Not something I enjoy. For several reasons really. One being that I already get cold really easily. Two, I just hated being cold and sick. And the most important reason being that it was during this kind of weather when my dad had died. Actually, in three days it’s officially been nine years since my dad died. November 24. A long time, right? 
It hurts. The memories. Not just of him but how they brutally murdered him in front of his own child. I shuddered at the sight pictured in my mind. Nope. Can’t think about that. Right now I should probably be getting ready to head over to the bus stop. I already had packed a tiny bag with the things I needed to cook. Weird enough, it was kind of a therapy for me at this point. To be cooking I mean. I guess that’s why my mom always gets worried when I’m baking for no reason. Because she knows. 
I sighed, giving my mom a quick text that I was heading over to Ryker’s for a little while. The last time I went, I thought everything was going great before Jasmine talked to me alone. everyone had left to go looking for something and it was just her and I. I was scared of course. We’ve never, ever talked before and from what I’ve gathered she’s really intimidating. 
Her exact words to me were: “If you hurt my brother in any way I will personally murder you.” and that was was it took for me to have an entire mental breakdown for nearly two weeks. I mean, who wouldn’t be scared if someone’s sibling threatened you like that? So, the week before the break, I might have been acting a little weird around Ryker, afraid that I might actually do something wrong or hurt him in any way, which I don’t really see how I could. 
Otherwise, I haven’t really been doing anything. I told Ryker that I would be busy during the break, but really I wasn’t. Only because I do actually have something to do on November 24, and I was already feeling the depression spikes as the day came closer and closer. As for Thanksgiving itself, my mom and I never do anything. Last year we were barely getting used to being in the mental hospital so we didn’t really do anything. This year she’s working so it’ll just be me. Nothing new. 
I made my way down the icy streets, the sun setting faster and faster. It was only getting colder, and I didn’t really have a winter jacket. Just some to wear in the classroom like when it’s freezing in there. So, yeah, I was basically freezing my face off. Not to mention that my mom told me it might snow later tonight since it was already under twenty degrees outside. I wasn’t used to cold weather. 
Once I made it to the bus stop, I snuggled up with my bag on the bench, trying to have some kind of warmth. Also because there were several people (giants) who were going back home from stores or getting off of work. The bus stop was actually used for both humans and giants. The human was a little ways from the huge one that was practically as tall as a skyscraper. Maybe taller. 
My hands were shaky from the cold, but it was only another five minutes before Ryker would come and hopefully I wouldn’t be as cold. Maybe. Hopefully. I don’t know what today has in store for me. All I knew was that I just wanted to wrap myself in a blanket with some hot chocolate and binge watch something on tv. 
Ryker came a few minutes later, smiling and giving a thanks before offering a hand. I threw the bag on first before struggling to get on. It was hard when the ground underneath you was starting to freeze over, but I figured it out after trying for a good minute. 
“You’re freezing.” Ryker told me, cupping his hand just a little. Sure, it was scary to have his fingers closer to me, but still, it was warm. How could I deny something that was practically calling me? 
  “That good?” He smiled, for some reason making sure I was comfortable. But I was not about to complain. I was desperate at this point. I nodded my head, bringing my knees closer to my chest to keep some of my body warmth with me. And yet another reason I hate winter. 
“Thanks again. Sorry for bothering you.” 
I continuously shook my head, hoping he would get the message that it was fine. Plus, I liked going over. Everyone was nice (Besides Jasmine I’m pretty sure she hates me) and never really tried to do anything too crazy with me. It was great. I’m not as afraid anymore, which was a miracle given I thought I could never trust anyone ever again, and I’ve actually made some friends. 
Ryker opened the door to his house, where we found them all watching a movie together. Everyone turned their heads as soon as the door closed behind Ryker. I jumped slightly, but relaxed after a while. Nothing to be afraid of. Dylan’s eyes landed on me, giving a smile and a two fingered wave. I waved back, but I doubt he could see it. 
I was set down on the ground, not entirely expecting to be in a tight hug the second I balanced myself. Lucky bursted out laughing, letting me go, “You are literally the best, Nathan.” I laughed with him, following Lucky into the room. 
——————
I didn’t eat anything. I wasn’t hungry. Of course Ryker tried to convince me to eat something, but I always answered no. Otherwise, dinner was okay. They had Lucky, Angela and I on the coffee table, which wasn’t really too big of a deal. I’m pretty sure Ryker and Dylan just didn’t want to handle any humans while they were eating, and hey, I was not about to say anything about it. There are just some things that will never leave my mind. 
After everyone ate, Dylan and Lucky started playing a game on the tv while Isabelle and Angela were playing hide and seek I’m pretty sure. I just hoped that no one would get hurt, but Ryker quickly reassured me that they would never harm one another. I just had to believe him. Most of his siblings are stuck together like glue. Which is a good thing. 
“It’s supposed to start snowing in a little bit.” Ryker announced, earning cheers from the other room where I was guessing Angela and Isabelle were. I was sitting on the arm rest of the couch by Ryker. I kind of wished that their house was a little warmer, because I was still annoyingly cold, but beggars can’t be choosers. I should have asked to grab a blanket. 
“Nice. Are we gonna go out?” Dylan asked, eyes glued to the screen. I had no idea who was winning, but I think it was him. 
“If you want to.” 
Ryker threw his phone on the other side of the couch, turning his head to the screen. I don’t want to go outside, but I’ll go if that makes things easier. I just don’t want to be in the snow. Reasons. Remember? 
It was about ten minutes later that it did actually start snowing. Angela and Isabelle were begging Ryker to let them outside, which he just laughed to and told them to get jackets on and to bring their hats. Dylan paused their game to go get on a jacket, and Ryker left to go help Isabelle. So I was alone in the living room while everyone was busy to go have some fun. I hated winter. In just three days. I reminded myself. 
What would happen? Would someone else be claimed victim? Something bad always happens during this time. I don’t know if it was just me. It probably was. Everyone else was smiling while I was crying in the corner. It’s how it was in the hospital. They all went outside if they could, and I stayed in my room, under the blankets and shove my face into my pillow to drown out my tears. I couldn’t do that now though. Not when so many people had their eyes on me. Not when a trip back to the hospital was a very viable option for me. I didn��t want to go back. Not because of something… traumatic that happened nine years ago. I should be over it, right? But I’m not. 
There goes one of my depression spells. Great. Just great. At a time like this? I sucked in a deep breath, calming myself down before anyone notices. This was embarrassing. 
Ryker came back into the room, eyes landing on me with an unsure look on his face. He walked up to me, holding a hand out. Was he not going to wear any gloves? He wouldn’t be cold? I stood up, keeping my balance on the soft surface underneath me and walking to climb onto his hand. 
“You don’t mind if I just keep you in my hand, right? I don’t want you to be freezing.” He asked. I shook my head, sitting down in the middle of his palm. That was actually what I preferred. I did not plan whatsoever to go into the snow anyways. 
Once everyone was outside, Ryker sat down on the stairs, cupping his hand and keeping me close. A little uneasy about it, but there was really no reason to be. It’s just instinct. And everything in me right now is saying to get the hell inside. But I wasn’t going to say that. Mostly because I don’t want to be alone.  
They were all screaming and laughing. It was snowing pretty hard too, already covering most of the frosted grass just after ten minutes. Other people were also sitting outside. Their kids playing around with the snow. I tried not to focus on that. Instead, I found myself scooting back slowly, almost to where I couldn’t see the heavy fall of the white flakes. 
My body was still freezing. It was so much colder than before. Was this how dad felt? The cold pricking at his skin I mean. 
“Nathan?” My thoughts were interrupted by a soft voice above me. I groaned, body shaking and stuffing my hands in my pockets to preserve some of my body heat. I shuddered a breath, trembling. It’s so cold… How could they even be having fun like this? I looked ahead, seeing Dylan helping Isabelle make a small snowman with both Angela and Lucky stuffed in his scarf. This was just another one of my depression spells. 
“Still cold?” Ryker asked me. I took a deep breath, “Y-Yeah…” It came out more like a quiet mumble, and I was surprised that he even heard me. Did he want to help them make a snowman? He probably did. I should just tell him to leave me inside. It would make things a million times easier for everyone. 
Ryker moved his hand a bit, making me worried about what he was trying to do, but he just kept it the same. I wondered why he was going through all this trouble just for me. There was really no point. There was only a couple more months until graduation and then we’d go our separate ways. That’s how it always goes. I’d be alone again, figuring out what to do with the rest of my life. That’s how my story goes. 
“Better?” 
I nodded my head, getting to a comfortable position and decided to just watch what they were all doing. Finishing up the head of the snowman. It was comfy even though I was kind of scared from being in someone’s hand. At least now that is. Currently I was just afraid of falling into the deep snow. I’m pretty sure if I fell I’d sink into it. Not something I would like to see or imagine. 
“You okay?” Ryker asked, softly smiling above me. There was no other response other than to nod. I couldn’t just say no. That wouldn’t do any good. But.. maybe if he notices that these next few days would be hard for me. Maybe. Just maybe. I doubt it though. I don’t plan on being here all of the time anyways. I couldn’t. 
Isabelle finished the snowman, grabbing some loose twigs for arms as they stepped back. It was still snowing, just not as much. Was dad watching me right now? Was he shocked just as much as I was? I never thought I’d ever be able to be around another giant for as long as I had lived, and here I am, sitting in one of their hands. Would he think I was crazy? Delusional? Psycho? Happy like my mom even? I would never know, but even I think I was crazy. 
Actually… why did I even trust Ryker? Or really anyone. They’re all so nice of course, but about four months ago I was so sure that every giant would only hurt me, and it almost became true with that lunch incident that felt like forever ago. So why did I trust these people with my life? In the back of my mind I keep thinking that this was all just a sick joke being played on me. But… I don’t think these people are lying about anything. They don’t have a reason to. And Ryker’s been nothing but patient, and kind, and… understanding. No one would go through all that trouble just to fool someone as gullible as me. 
I sighed, snuggling up closer to Ryker’s thumb and watching Isabelle throw snowballs at Dylan who was shielding Lucky and Angela from the crossfire. Was it scary being there? In the midst of everything? Having to trust someone at least fifty times your size to keep you safe? I sucked in a shaky breath, just watching. It wasn’t so bad really. 
———Ryker———
Today was November 24. Thanksgiving was here, and everything was a complete mess. I never learned how to make a turkey like the tradition, so usually I just made something that all of us had liked. Along with that, I had to make sure no one did anything too crazy while I was busy in the kitchen. Jasmine and Dylan were helping out cooking while I ordered something for Lucky and Angela. They both agreed on pizza (Because what else does a fourteen year-old and a four year-old want) so now I was busy with that. That part was mostly because Angela didn’t like when Lucky cooks something different. 
It was just pure chaos now. Everyone was running around the house, and at that point I had to ask Jasmine to keep an eye on Angela to make sure she didn’t wander off where we couldn’t find her. I wasn’t too worried about Lucky since he’s almost always with Dylan, plus he’s smart enough to stay off the floor when it’s something like this. 
I took out the lasagna, letting it cool down before making separate plates. Yeah, I know, super weird, but I can’t do anything better. I only know the basics thanks to my parents, and that was all I needed to know. 
There was a knock on the door, and I asked Dylan to open it. It was just the pizza. I washed whatever dishes I had and called everyone that dinner was ready. It’s days like this where I wished that my parents never left. I feel like I can never be like them even though I was the oldest. I mean, was I just supposed to let CPS split us all apart? I couldn’t do that. My siblings would never forgive me. I like to think that they’re all happy, but I doubt it. Sometimes I feel like I can’t do anything to help any of them. Like I’m doing this “parenting” thing all wrong. Of course I was. I was seventeen in my last year of high school taking care of five kids on my own while also juggling a job and trying to do fun things with them so we can forget about what happened a little over a year ago. There was no reason for one person to be doing all of this. 
It was snowing outside again. Not really surprising when you’ve lived here for your entire life. It was really nice though. I loved the cold. Weird, because most people don’t, but I do. I remember my parents freaking out when I would just be outside making a snowman in just a short sleeve and sweatpants when I was a kid. Of course it was so cold it burned, but I guess I kind of liked it? It was hard to explain. Or sometimes we’d stay inside and watch movies or play a game. I missed it really. 
“Ry.” Jasmine snapped her fingers in front of me to get my attention. I blinked a couple times before giving a clueless look. She groaned, “I asked if I could go shopping tomorrow, I have work the next three days so I just wanna go do something.”
“Oh, um, sure.” 
The tv was playing in the background, but I wasn’t paying attention. Come to think of it, I don’t think I was paying attention to anything. Dylan, Jasmine, and Lucky were all laughing about something. What were they laughing about again? Something about going back to school? I don’t even want to think about that right now. I needed a break anyways. Most of my classes love giving me piles and piles of work anyways. 
I sighed, pushing away my plate that I had barely eaten. The sun has already set, everyone was done eating, Angela asked Jasmine if she could go outside in the snow. She said yes, and so Isabelle followed. Dylan and Lucky were helping me wash the remaining dishes. Honestly I already felt so tired. It was only 8 p.m but my eyes threatened to close at any moment. 
“You okay, Ry?” Dylan asked, putting a plate up in the cabinet. 
“Yeah.” I replied, handing him another to dry. Lucky shook his head while continuously saying “no” over and over again. At some point Dylan grew tired of it and pressed the pad of his thumb into Lucky’s entire upper half of his body. 
“He’s not wrong. You’re always like this on holidays.” 
“I am?” I sighed, not really knowing how to get out of this one. These two have always been vigilant anyways. They would have noticed at some point. 
“Yeah.” 
“I don’t know. I just feel really tired today.”  
“That’s it?” 
“Mhm.” 
Dylan gave me a skeptical look before putting in another plate. He doesn’t believe me. I don’t think he ever will about these kinds of things. 
“Why don’t you call Nathan? You always seem happier around him.” 
I stopped only for a second, then continued to scrub off something on the pan I used. No. I won’t call him. Not this time. No matter how many times he’s actually made me feel better just by being here. I’ve noticed I was happier around him too, but it’s only short lived since he always goes back at the end of the day. Do I know why I was happier? Not really. I’ve thought of a few reasons. Because he’s the only friend I’ve made since middle school. He listens to me ramble on and on about the most useless information. Best of all he’s really nice. Doesn’t really seem like he’s tricking me either. Not that I think he could even if he wanted to. He was too sweet. 
“No.” I sighed. Cleaning out the sink and handing off the last dish. 
“Why not?” Dylan asked leaning against the counter. 
“Cause I’m tired. No point in calling if I’m just going to fall asleep,” I countered, drying my hands and heading to my room, “Make sure Isabelle and Angela are asleep by 10? Please?”  
Dylan nodded his head, I closed the door behind me and buried myself under the covers of my bed. I can’t keep on relying on Nathan to come fix every problem I have. He’s probably off dealing with whatever he’s doing right now anyways. But still, my hand reached for my phone, grabbing it and opening the messages app. I’m just gambling with myself at this point. If he answers in the next ten minutes I’ll ask to call, if he doesn’t, I’ll head to sleep. Either way it’s really a win-win. And here it goes. 
———Nathan———
I was laying on my bed, under the covers. No lights, no sounds, just nothing. I had cried earlier this morning when I visited his grave. My eyes were dry now. Red and puffy. I just sat curling in on myself while clutching the same teddy bear he gave me when I was still just a kid. It was childish, but if it’s all I have left of him then I’m taking advantage of that. 
Ironic, huh? How this holiday was supposed to bring family together. It was actually the opposite for me. Even though he didn’t actually die on this holiday, it’s just ironic how it happened this year. When we’re finally free and live like a “normal” family now. Was he watching me now? Sad and lonely in my bed? I hope he wasn’t. He’d scold me. 
My phone went off, but I didn’t feel like looking at it. It’s not like I wanted to be alone. Usually my mom would cheer me up by taking my mind off of it. Whether it was playing some makeshift game or just doing something I liked with me. What else was there to say? This year was the year I was completely alone. 
I sucked in a deep breath, picking up my phone with sore arms. I spent most of the day digging out the old flowers on his grave and replacing them with new ones. It was hard to do when a thin sheet of snow was covering most of the dirt and grass, but it was worth it to see the bright a beautiful colors. His favorites were lilacs. I remember mom telling me that. 
My eyes shot up when I saw who texted me. Ryker? I mean it was already night, so I doubt he was going to ask if I wanted to go over. But… I was kind of curious now. 
Ryker: Hey
Ryker: How was your day? 
Ryker: You’re probably doing something right now but I’d just thought I’d check what you were doing 
Sent five minutes ago. Why did he want to know what I was doing? It seemed weird to me, but maybe he was just bored. Did they celebrate? I hope they did. They seem to be happy with each other. 
Nathan: It was okay :) 
Nathan: And yours? 
Ryker: Chaotic
Nathan: Oh 
I wasn’t technically lying. My day was okay despite crying for most of it. 
Ryker: Yeahhh 
Ryker: Do you feel like calling? 
Ryker: You don’t have to of course 
I thought about it. It wouldn’t be that bad. Might keep my mind occupied.
  Nathan: Sure 
And so he called. 
“Hello?” His voice sounded tired and sad, like he just woke up or something. I couldn’t find my voice. It’s become rasp from sobbing anyways. It’d be embarrassing for it to sound like that over the phone. So hopefully it’ll get better in the morning. 
“Oh, right,” He sighed, “Sorry. I just felt like talking and usually you listen. You can just hang up if you don’t want to though.” He sounded nervous, but I didn’t want to hang up. Not only because it was the wrong thing to do, but because I always loved listening to what he was saying. No matter how irrelevant it was. It distracted my mind from everything wrong with me. And he seemed to like it when I did. 
Nathan: I’m listening 
I heard him let out a little chuckle before talking. I could hear at some points it sounded like he was going to cry, and some he sounded like he was so hurt, and sometimes he’d laugh. He changed the subject multiple times, but I kind of liked it. I just wished I could help in some other way. It sounded to me like he was stressed out and just wanted someone to be there, and I’m surprised none of his siblings were. Or maybe they were, but he just doesn’t want to put all of this on them. It seemed like something he would do. 
By the time he was done, it was an hour before midnight. Funny thing was, I wasn’t tired anymore. I was putting together pieces in my mind still about everything he had talked about. How he was mentally tired of juggling five things around at once. I would be too if I were him. How he’s been more and more exhausted by the end of the day. How his parents usually did all of these kinds of things. I was going to ask what happened to them, but I feel like that was a touchy subject. Especially when he just vented to me. I don’t mind though. Not at all. 
“Oh crap. Sorry for keeping you up.” Ryker apologized, saying sorry about five times before I texted him that it was okay. I wasn’t going to sleep anytime soon. 
“Thanks. Y’know. For listening.” I heard him yawn on the other side. He was the one tired. I silently laughed to myself, hugging the bear closer to my chest. If only he could see me now… this was embarrassing. He’d probably make fun of me for it. I wouldn’t care. 
“You’re too nice, you know that?” I heard shuffling on the other side of the phone. Probably Ryker getting ready to go to sleep. And I know this was selfish, but I didn’t want him to hang up. I didn’t want my mind to realize that I was alone again. Was is it really selfish then? To me, yes. It feels like I was making him do something he didn’t want to. 
“Hey, um, remember when you tried hugging me that one time? Why’d you do it?” He had asked, and I could practically see his face. Confused and happy at the same time. He was talking about when I had to stay overnight. I knew that would come up eventually, just not so soon. 
Nathan: Nobody’s ever been so nice to me before. Besides my mom of course 
Nathan: But I was kind of shocked you agreed without complaining 
Nathan: Are you mad about it?
“Mad? Nononono. Um, the complete opposite really,” He laughed quietly, “I was shocked, yeah, but happy too.” 
That gets rid of the guilt. I swear I thought I ruined everything between us, but now I know what he really thought. He wasn’t mad at me for anything. 
“What about the other day? When it was snowing. You looked comfortable. Like you were about to sleep.” My cheeks started blushing from embarrassment. I had hoped he didn’t see me snuggling closer into his palm to stay warm, but apparently he did. So embarrassing. I groaned quietly to myself, tightly hugging the bear closer. 
Nathan: Sorry 
Nathan: I was cold 
Nathan: You were warm 
Nathan: Sorry again 
It was silent for a second. 
“Why do you apologize for things like that?” 
I didn’t know the answer to that question. Usually my mind just takes over and then I spiral into the worst possible scenarios. So I have no idea why I do. Maybe because my brain thinks I’ll get hurt if I don’t? My body was scared of getting another broken bone or something getting hurt? 
Nathan: I don’t know 
It was silent again. 
“Do… do you like being around me? I-I mean most people stop talking to me as soon as they get what they want. So, I was just wondering.” His voice sounded hurt. Obviously this ha sharpened once or twice to him. And it hurt to hear that these things have happened to someone so amazing. I could never do that to Ryker. It’d hurt me more than it’d hurt him. 
“Y-yes.” I almost immediately replied, my voice a little raspy. It hurt to speak, but it was fine. It’ll get better in time. 
I heard him let out a sigh of relief, and I smiled. I was finally doing the right thing for once in my life. I’m kind of glad this was how the day ended. 
“I would give you a hug if you were here… and if you were comfortable enough with it,” We both laughed quietly, “I’ll let you go to sleep. I’ve kept you up long enough.” 
I shook my head, forgetting that he wasn’t here to see it. I didn’t want him to go. Then again he sounded exhausted. Then I would be the one keeping him up. Or he doesn’t even have to stay awake. Just the knowledge that I knew he was just on the other side of the phone was enough to make me feel like I wasn’t alone. 
“U-Um you d-don’t have to s-stay up b-but could we stay… stay on call? P-Please.” I waited for an answer, biting my tongue for stuttering so much. My body was shaky for no reason. I was nervous. He was going to say no. He was going to say no. He was going to- 
“I would love that.” 
I wish he could see the smile I had on my face. How fast my heart was beating. I laid down under the covers, getting comfortable and staring at my phone that read: Ryker: 3:14. Three hours and fourteen minutes. Another seven won’t hurt. 
“Thank you.” 
I fell asleep a couple minutes after he did. No nightmares haunted me tonight.
—————————————
My heart is meltinggggggg
By the way, this was not the great scene I was talking about. This was just one of many to make the one I actually want to write make sense.
Anywayssss I told you guys it would be a little plot heavy for a while! I loved how this chapter came out though.
Hope you enjoyed, and thank you for reading! Love you guys!
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bleue-flora · 10 months ago
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So while I’m all for drawing the conversation away from legality, trauma, innocence, bashing c!Tommy in the name of c!Dream lol….etc. I did basically write this essay about c!Tommy first and someone asked me to share, so I shall. @poisedava this is for you. ;) <3
Here’s the thing and this is important - it does not go both ways. If c!Tommy wants to be considered an innocent ‘child’, a teenager, a minor, who is too young and naive to know that what he does is wrong and how that hurts people and has consequences then he doesn’t just get to act like an adult and start wars, serve as a government official, build nations, torture, steal, murder, enslave, commit terrorism, blackmail, assassinate…etc and face no repercussions because ‘he didn’t know better.’ If you want to act like an adult then you’ll be treated as such.
Now I don’t believe that we should view the dsmp in the realm of irl crimes, since there is no legal system or set of rules in place in the dsmp (besides the ones c!Dream set and everyone breaks of course), but if ya’ll are going to say c!Dream deserves prison because of his ‘crimes’ and write off c!Tommy’s actions as less because he is a minor then I will look at it, especially because the term ‘minor’ is connected to the legal system of our world and that is where we are deriving this perceived innocence.
On that note, there are crimes in many countries that even if you’re a minor or a child you can be tried as an adult for reasons like a severe crime (for example first degree murder) and/or if it is a repeated offense despite disciplinary actions. In this case, both apply, as many of the things listed above are repeated abhorrent offenses. Secondly, the definition of ‘minor’ and the age of becoming an adult, while typically set at 18 is not universal. In Scotland for instance, 16 is the legal age of adulthood, which is how old c!Tommy was when he joined the smp.
But looking beyond legally speaking, I for one hardly consider 16 to be a child or an innocent naive minor in the first place. At 16 I could legally drive and drove me and my sister to school. I made sure people had what they needed to keep things from falling apart, whether that’s helping with grocery shopping, making dinner, running errands, helping with homework, making lunches… etc. I hardly think someone who drives is a child unable to face consequences like speedings, drinking and driving… etc. On the topic of age I would also like to highlight that the gap is like 5 years, which all things considered is not a very big gap, not to mention one of the reasons young people are considered irresponsible and given a bit of slack is because until the age of 25 your brain is still developing, and as c!Dream was also under the age of 25 that also applies to him and a huge portion of the server.
But being young doesn’t give you a free pass to do whatever you want and then complain about the consequences. You don’t get to just run a red light and kill kids crossing the road and claim innocence because you are a new driver. Because you are young, because you were distracted, because you were just trying to change the song and didn’t see them, because you didn't mean to. You are still responsible for killing people.
And if you don't want to be responsible, if you want to be treated like a child, then stay a child. But as a child you are not considered mature enough to know what is right from wrong, which is where guidance from guardians comes in. Children (really generally speaking), don’t know better, which is why they get grounded, spanked, their mouths washed out with soap, forced to write lines, get things taken away, time out, scolding… etc - punished. They are not free and independent to do what they like. Now obviously, when it comes to the dsmp there are really no such guardians or parents in charge of the minors, but the point still stands, if you do not understand your actions are wrong then someone should teach you and (whether you or not you agree with that) that is often through punishment.
Under that guise, c!Dream taking away c!Tommy’s discs for starting wars and breaking the rules and murdering him, is a form of parenting. (You can argue with whether you consider it good parenting… but that's not really the point). Even further, Exile then could be considered a more extreme form of time out and/or grounding, which is extreme because the violations are extreme. If you steal a cookie you are forced to go to your room for a bit, if you burn down the king’s house then you get exiled from the land. In Exile, he is forced to lose items which could be considered revoking privileges and getting his belongings taken away (like if your parents ever took your phone for a week). Hell, even hitting him with the axe could be seen as a super extreme spanking for not complying with his punishment. Now am I staying that makes it justified? Am I saying those were ok things to happen? Am I saying c!Tommy deserved being treated like that? No. Not really, I am just simply pointing out that in a world where the crime isn’t spray painting a building but burning said building down in an act of terrorism it almost makes sense in a twisted way that the punishments are more severe to fit the infraction.
(I would also like to point out that c!Phil has a moment with c!Tommy where he forced him to smelt stone and then destroy it over and over again and isn’t that kinda what c!Dream was doing in Exile?… just saying, not to say the behavior is right, just something I noticed and thought was interesting.) And the reason why the act of losing items is important is because a huge part of his character arc is surrounded by the value of objects and treating people like he treats objects. It was a big moment of deliberation for him to give up the discs for c!Tubbo’s life. Do you even realize how screwed up that is? A person over an object. But the thing is, somehow in c!Tommy’s mind those two things were synonymous, he was never there for c!Tubbo when c!Tubbo needed someone to have his back. When c!Tubbo goes to get revenge for his missing child and dead husband, he teams up with his literal worst enemies the people who took his canonical lives. Where was c!Tommy?… But whenever c!Tommy needed c!Tubbo to go after c!Dream or support him even with the things c!Tubbo disagreed with, he’s there. Honestly, he’s less of a best friend and more of a sword. The dsmp completes c!Tommy’s character arc by him giving up the discs for c!Tubbo’s life and to for once listen to c!Dream. His character arc, put very very simply, was valuing and treating people as people instead of things.
So the - it’s understandable, it’s less bad than what c!Dream did because he’s young and didn’t know better - is just not reasonable to me. Exile being used as justification isn’t really valid either. Ok so for a week, yea he was abused, he lost his things, people didn’t visit him, sure some were tricked into not visiting him, c!Dream took all of his items over and over, c!Dream hurt him when he did not comply, sure c!Tommy was suicidal as a result. But ya know, when no one else could be bothered to show up, c!Dream came by everyday. Plus abuse on the server is like scuffed so I hardly hold Exile as a gold standard for trauma like y’all I don’t know if I need to make a complication of how many times on the dsmp people hit each other with axes and hurt eachother or force eachother to comply or something. Or if I need to make a list of everytime c!Tommy has done worse even before Exile, but yeeeesh. Like don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying Exile was deserved, I don’t think anyone deserves abuse. Period. But on the scale of the dsmp and considering how many people he hurt and the circumstances that got him there, I find it hard to feel for him. And that’s coming from someone who (before medication) used to have panic attacks multiple times a week, who has been bullied, who has been isolated, who has been abandoned and betrayed by my best friends, who has been so so lonely, who has been suicidal, and who was a nasty person as a result of being hurt. So I get it, I really do. But to me it doesn’t really matter much, it doesn’t make him the hero, or redeemed, or innocence, or any more likable, especially when so many other characters on the dsmp have similar instances on their arcs.
And if we want to compare, c!Tommy’s ‘crimes’ to c!Dream’s because he’s ‘just as bad,’ the thing is, I’m not so sure that’s true, for many reasons. One of which is that c!Dream has really only ever reacted. Over and over he gets pushed into reacting, but usually he gives people a way out and he tries to do the better thing at first, but eventually after failing he turns towards the latter. While on the other hand, c!Tommy continues to provoke, over and over and over. Look no further than the finale where he shows up to the prison to assassinate c!Dream, after c!Dream literally hasn’t done anything to him since the prison break (unless you count c!Tommy and c!Wilbur breaking in… which again - provoke). And there really is no such transformation for c!Tommy, he doesn’t start off trying to do the right thing at all, which also brings us to motivation… which continues to baffle me, what is c!Tommy’s motivation? Because if it’s truly to have a home and be happy with his friends then why does he constantly do things that would jeopardize that?
So, you want me to feel bad for and root for someone - who often worked against their own stated motivation, who did drugs, tortured people, started wars, killed, enslaved, destroyed, used, stole, was sexist, xenophobic, disrespectful and constantly talked over people, who didn’t even have his friend’s back more importantly his best friend’s, c!Tubbo’s, back who continued to risk his life for c!Tommy’s schemes - because what? He is a minor? Because he was abused and suicidal after facing the consquences of his own actions? Because we get his pov? Because he declared himself the hero? Because c!Dream personally targeted him for no reason - because he’s so innocent and was no threat to c!Dream… after he literally KILLED HIM multiple times with much less armor, then with no armor at all (in one of the first streams)? …..…. Like heh?
Ah nah you’re so right… c!Dream definitely deserved prison - He killed c!Tommy after all!… in a war, where he was given a chance to surrender or face no mercy… in a fair dual, where he set the terms… in prison, where he provoked c!Dream, killed the cat c!Dream admitted to caring about all after c!Dream had been no doubt going insane from being isolated in prison for months already… I mean… come on, in no way do I see any of those as specifically targeting c!Tommy (don’t even get me started on the finale where he mentions Spirit just to piss c!Dream off).
And ya know, after saying all of that, I would even go as far as to say that c!Tommy is not a hero, nor even an anti-hero, since he is neither selfless, noble or full of goodness, which are some of the more fundamental qualities. In fact, Theseus, who c!Techno calls c!Tommy, is a Greek hero who in the beginning becomes infamous because he slays many savage murderers and monsters on his way to Athens. But I ask you, what savagery has c!Tommy stopped? What noble feats has he done for the sake of the safety of people?… He may be a protagonist, but honestly I don’t think he qualifies as a hero. Sure, both c!Dream and c!Techno’s reference Theseus, but they are really more highlighting the end of his life. Overall, I don’t think hero (even a flawed Greek one) is an adequate description for him. Perhaps anti-villain would be more fitting, a villain with some heroic traits?… I mean his most heroic moments are probably the duel, willing to fight in doomsday with or without help, and willing to be nuked, but like eh… the first two were over a piece of land, a country. It wasn’t about protecting people. I mean in both of those he was part of provoking the conflict in the first place, so is it heroic to help in a conflict that you helped cause? And in the last one, I mean it is the end of his arc so anti-villain technically still works for having a good selfless heroic moment at the end ;) ……
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gubler-world · 15 days ago
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Thanksgiving With Matthew
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A story that I wrote about Thanksgiving with Matthew Grey Gubler 
2844 words.
Pure fluff.
Thanksgiving is only three days away. Usually, Thanksgiving means having a catered meal and Matthew's entire family, meaning that the house is filled with laughter. Board games And Random dance party's. And memories That will last a lifetime. which is always wonderful because It's so nice to be a part of a family like Matthews.
 However, this year we're going for something a little different. We're going to make Thanksgiving ourselves and spend it alone, just the two of us. an attempt to make a Thanksgiving meal from scratch should be a lot of fun with Matthew, especially since I do know how to cook. 
I cook with my mom and we always made Thanksgiving together And knowing that my mom is but a phone call away whenever I need some help is a great Comfort Matthew and I start planning the list for everything that we're going to need to make our Thanksgiving dinner We're going to have it all Homemade rolls. Homemade pie and we're even going to make our very own Turkey for the first time.
Matthew and I are sitting at the little Table that's inside of our spacious kitchen. The sun shining through the large windows. Beaming off of the white cabinets and countertops. Matthew is pouring a cup of freshly brewed coffee as he wears his tan teddy bear sweater. 
He also pours me a cup into our matching mugs, 2 white mugs that say "thankful" on them. We both sit down at the table and begin writing a list of everything that we will need from the grocery store.
This is a lot of ingredients and we're not even done yet?" Matthew asks me. " Wow, I'm really going to have to give the caterers an even bigger tip next year"
" We haven't even made this Thanksgiving dinner yet, and you're already planning on having it catered again next year? but i really hope this doesn't end in disaster". I laugh as I am helping Matthew make out the list. 
"I mean, I know how to cook, but Turkey? My mom always took care of that, so I don't know. but i do know one thing Matthew, you are magical, and I know that you can make anything work so This will probably be the best Thanksgiving ever" i tell him before taking a sip of coffee.
Well, thank you for believing in me, honey. I believe in you too. And I think that this is going to be a really great experience. I don't think I've ever had a homemade Thanksgiving meal" Matthew tells me.
 "so this would be something You've never had a homemade Thanksgiving meal? Oh well, I am happy to be your first" 
"No, all of my Thanksgiving dinners were always catered" Matthew answers as he writes some more items on the list for when we go grocery shopping.
" All of my Thanksgivings were always homemade. Actually, I always had two Thanksgivings, one of my grandma's house and then one when we would come back home. So I had two Thanksgivings every year for 10 years till mom, dad and i just had our own thanksgiving"
" Wow, two Thanksgivings. That means double the pie. Pie is the best part of Thanksgiving, I think. I mean, I love the Turkey and the mashed potatoes, but pie? That's the best part" Matthew says with a chuckle.
The dining room behind us Lighting up with sunlight now as well, The large dining room with the long Table that's usually filled up now with plates and silverware along with platters waiting to be filled up with the catered food. This year the table is empty, and we are a little bit sad to see it, but also very excited about our first Thanksgiving with just the two of us.
We drive to the grocery store knowing it's going to be busy since it's only three days till Thanksgiving. But we have A lot of ingredients to get to make our first homemade Thanksgiving.
We go through the store, long list in hand, picking up everything that we will need to get from the grocery store. We are also going to stop off at the farmers market to get our produce.
We buy bags of flour and sugar. A can of pumpkin. Boxes of butter. Cream of mushroom soup for the green bean casserole. A can of yams. 2 bags of mini marshmallows because you can never have too many mini marshmallows. And of course, a Butterball Turkey Is added into the cart along with everything else that we will need to make our Thanksgiving Dinner.
After we leave the grocery store, we stop at the farmers market to pick up our Yukon Gold potatoes. Apples for the pie. Cherries for the pie. Green beans. And of course, Matthew can't help but find a little pumpkin to put on our table.
We head to the checkout, and I noticed that Matthew is suddenly missing when I hear him calling my name from behind me, running up with three gallons of apple cider.
" They only have 3 gallons left" I hear him say as he gets closer to me.
" Good Thing you're buying all three of them. It is seasonal, probably the last time you'll see it. Now everything is going to go to eggnog" i smile as he adds the three gallons to our cart.
As we get closer to the checkout, Matthew notices some pecans.
" Oh, pecan pie. We should make a pecan pie too" Matthew tells me, picking up a bag of the pecans.
He looked so happy, there's no way that I could possibly tell him no. So we add 2 bags of pecans to our cart of goodies.
On the way home, we have to stop off at the grocery store again to buy everything that we will need to make a pecan pie.
By the time we get back home, it's a little late. We make dinner together, eat, and then after a shower we get in our nice warm jammies since it is getting a bit cool out in the November Weather.
We snuggle up and watch a movie together until we both fall asleep almost at the same exact time.
When morning comes, we are still cuddled the same way we fell asleep. yet somehow when we walk into the kitchen there are two mugs of hot coffee and two cinnamon buns waiting for us.
"how did this get here" i asked looking at Mathew really wondering where they come from. "we woke up together" i said.
"it's magic" he told me with a wink.
we have a busy day ahead of us doing some pre-Thanksgiving prep Which is pretty much just taking that large dining room It's usually used for family and filling it up with all of the ingredients for the things that were going to be making. putting them in categories, the stuff that we can anyway All refrigerated items will stay in the refrigerator until it's time to use them. However, the items that are not Perishable like the flour, sugar, marshmallows, can of yams Will all be piled neatly on the table waiting for us to prepare the food.
After doing all of that, we decide to take a rest since we know that tomorrow is going to be a very busy day for us Morning comes, and Matthew puts on a pot of coffee, and we begin making our Thanksgiving dinner.
"We have a lot of work ahead of us today", Matthew says. as he ties on his apron that says "give thanks" On it, I didn't think that he could possibly look any cuter than he already did wearing his purple sweater but somehow, he always manages to be Cuter.
" Yes, we do. I don't know where we should get started" I said, looking around at all of the food that we have to make.
" Probably Turkey. I think that'll take the longest to do since we want to do a nice slow Roast and get it nice and brown" Matthew tells me as he turns to get the Turkey from our refrigerator.
" Oh yes, the Turkey ugh"
" What's the matter?" He asks, setting the Turkey down on our counter.
" Just I really don't want to have a touch of raw Turkey. I mean, it's just so gross. My mom always takes care of the Turkey, so I never actually had to touch it" I said with a slight shudder.
" Well then honey, I guess I will be taking care of the Turkey". Matthew says with a chuckle before cutting the wrapper off of the raw Turkey.
" Thank you. Have I told you how much I love you yet today?" I asked with a giggle.
Matthew puts the scissors down that he was using to cut open the Turkey Puts his hand on his hip Looking up and putting his mouth over to the side a little bit before saying. "You know, I don't think that you have today" He says now, placing his hand over his heart. "I'm a bit hurt" He tells me dramatically.
" I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. I love you", I told him before placing a quick kiss on his lips
" OK, I'm all better now, I can go back to cooking" he tells me " And I love you too" He finishes the sentence.
It takes hours of us making pie crust and rolling it out, making it the right thickness in the pie pan.
Washing and removing the pits from cherries. Peeling and cutting apples. Peeling and cutting potatoes. Making dough for rolls and allowing the rolls to rise. Along with sauteing the onions, celery and carrots that be added to the bread to make stuffing.
with Both of our in wall Large Capacity stainless steel Double ovens Preheating.
Matthew puts a Thanksgiving parade on our large TV that we can see from our kitchen. The yearly tradition is the perfect background sound for our busy Thanksgiving prep.
I'm mixing all the ingredients together to make our pumpkin pie. as the apple and cherry pies are baking in the oven. I'm pouring the pumpkin mixture into the pan when I hear on the TV saying everybody at Santa Claus.
That's the last thing I hear before I hear Matthews screaming "Santa" like He is Buddy the Elf.
I can't help but laugh. his love of Santa Claus is just One of the many things I love about him.
" Just think maybe we can do the same thing for Christmas, just you and me.  I'm having a lot of fun making Thanksgiving dinner. It is a lot of work, yes, but it's fun working alongside you. making some Thanksgiving magic"
 I can't deny that my heart skips a beat when I hear him say these words.
" I'm glad you're having fun. I'm having fun too"
" I can't believe all these years and I've never cooked like this, i have been really missing out"
i smile at him, he looks so happy.
He finishes putting the Rest of the pecans into the pie, It looks like a work of art, but of course it does. It's Matthew. He places the pie into the oven after he takes out the apple pie and cherry pie. So adds the pumpkin pie once I have finished adding the last few drops of feeling to the crust.
The potatoes are cooking, the Turkey is roasting. 2 pies are cooling, 2 pies are cooking. The rolls are just about ready to put into the oven after we decide how to make each roll special We make 4 of each. Onion rolls. Sesame seed rolls And celery seed rolls Along with eight plain rolls.
Matthew and I sit down for a break while everything is cooking, and the pies are cooling.
Sit on the couch and begin to watch a movie Aladdin.
We don't sit for too long before we get back up and start making the green bean casserole and the candied yams.
Did we end up eating almost a half a bag of mini marshmallows as we were making the candy dams? We might have.
" It's a good thing we bought 2 bags of these" Matthew says before popping another mini marshmallow into his mouth.
" Yes, it is"
When our favorite part of Aladdin comes on the magic carpet ride. Matthew and I stop and watch it from the kitchen. It's only on for a short time before Matthew takes my hand and turns me to him, saying "let's dance. After all, Thanksgiving always has a random dance party, right? So how about a slow dance along with a song from our favorite part of Aladdin?"
We dance around the kitchen slowly Until the song ends.
"You know it's better than a random Thanksgiving dance party?"
"No what?" I ask
"A random Thanksgiving dance party with you"
:you are so sweet" i tell him.
"thank you"
"Now time for the most daunting task. It is something that no one can possibly do Get the cranberry sauce out of the can without making Ribbons Out of the edges of it, I set you up for failure. I mean, it's Ocean Spray and it still doesn't come out of the can the right way. No matter how hard my mom and I try, we always end up tearing up the Cranberry sauce every year" I tell Matthew as I'm taking the pies out of the oven. I turned around and Matthew has a little tray that's filled with perfectly sliced cranberry sauce. It looks just like the Picture on the can. Possibly better.
" How did you do that?" I ask.
" I just opened the can and took it out" Matthew says, as if what he just did was not pure magic.
" I can't believe..... Is there anything that you can't do? Matthew, I'm telling you, you are truly magical. No one can get the cranberry sauce out of the can look like that"
"Nope just me" he laughs.
" I have to show this to my mom " I tell Matthew before taking a picture and sending it to her .
We bring everything into the dining room. The large table is almost completely filled with food, except for the Turkey that is still roasting in the oven and two pies.
" I think the Turkey might be ready. It smells a lot like Thanksgiving in here", Matthew says with a chuckle.
" It sure does Smelling Turkey to this extent usually means that it's done" i tell him.
Matthew goes and opens the bottom oven. The Turkey is perfectly cooked
" Wow, look at that. It looks better than a Thanksgiving Turkey picture" I told him, looking at the Turkey.
" Well, thank you. It's the first Turkey I've ever roasted" He tells me with a chuckle.
Matthew takes the Turkey out and puts it on a platter, and we both walk into the dining room, the table completely filled with food except for the two remaining pies in the oven.
As soon as those are done, we bring those in and put them on the table as well.
" I don't think this table has ever been this full of food" Matthew tells me, standing back to take a look at all of the food we made.
We get our plates and walk around the table gathering all of the food that we want to eat before sitting next to each other at the large table.
" I think this is the best Thanksgiving meal I've ever had" Matthew tells me before taking a sip of his drink.
" Thank you. You know why it's the best? Because it was made with a lot of love" i tell him.
We finish our meal and put everything in containers and put them in the refrigerator, Clean all of the dishes and place them into the dishwasher. Having three Levels in the dishwasher comes in really handy On days like today.
Matthew and I sit down on the couch, completely exhausted and totally stuffed. It takes about 10 minutes before Matthew realizes we haven't had pie.
" You know, we haven't eaten any pie yet. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally stuffed, but I think that there's room for some pie in there" He tells me with a chuckle.
We get up and go to the kitchen where there is all four pies. Every hour we have another slice of pie Starting with Pumpkin Then Apple Followed by Cherry And ending with the pecan.
We spend the whole time they were eating the pie watching Christmas movies.
We end the night by watching A Christmas Story.
" This truly was one of the best Thanksgiving of my life" Matthew tells me, wrapping a arm around me as we sit on the couch watching the movie.
" It was one of the best of my life too, Matthew"
" And you know what else tomorrow and the next few days, we have leftovers So we get to relive Thanksgiving for at least three more days " Matthew tells me happily .
We end up falling asleep on the couch together. We do finally make our way upstairs to bed in the middle of the night. When we wake up in the morning, we're all ready for our leftovers.
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steelycunt · 2 years ago
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okay i just finished tsah just now and said a lot of my thoughts in a comment but i have more. literally loved ur lily and james in this. james giving out care like sweets um. yeah he’s literally so good and lily’s hair catching in her earrings and like. her voice just comes through so strong even in the like 2 scenes she’s in bc you wrote her so. her. literally amazing.
i have question about if there is any extra j+l lore for tsah. bc i like extra stuff and details and hearing u talk about ur work
HEY thanks so much babe!! just read your comment i was giggling and blushing soooo much you're far too sweet ily xx and james and lily!! i love them so bad i love them as a side pairing just happy and in love and getting on with themselves while their friends are just. well they couldnt be more miserably downtrodden and emotionally repressed and sopping wet xx anything i say about the way i write james and lily. well it would not be complete without me mentioning my wife my love my light liv @emerqldv who is our. resident james/lily expert because her fics are just. sooo stunning and the way she writes them is a very big influence on how i write them whenever they crop up in my work xx
as for tsah j+l lore well. the trouble with writing post-school pre-81 canon stuff is they do SOOO much in such a short amount of time and so i didnt want to completely ignore canon but i also had to sort of pick and choose which bits to use in order to write what i wanted to write so. as is mentioned tsah is set mainly through autumn 79 and they get married in summer 79 xx technically they should have to be. finding out lily is pregnant pretty soon after tsah ends, but i just did not have enough time nor affection for their child to squeeze that in (also pretty sure regulus has to die. SO soon after it ends. well r/s have a busy few weeks when they get back to london) xx but j + l are just. enjoying marital bliss + living together and. james is cooking lovely dinners every night in fact they are cooking TOGETHER. and they love grocery shopping together it takes them sooo long because they have so much fun wandering through all the aisles. and well until fleamont and euphemia die they are up at james' parents house every sunday for a roast. also they dance a lot + they dance at the prewetts party + they dance in their living room in the evenings ever since their first dance at their wedding because james thinks its really romantic and he also thinks hes really good. and well hes right about. one of those things. xx
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addierose444 · 7 months ago
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Meal Planning: Benefits and Challenges
I love meal planning and genuinely find it to be so useful. I first tried it nearly two years ago back when I was a software engineering intern. I documented my overwhelmingly positive experience in a post titled why I meal plan. Upon returning to college, I was back on a different, and worse, kind of meal plan. While I miss other aspects of living at Smith, one of my favorite parts about moving into my first apartment has been having my very own kitchen and getting to cook for myself. You can read more about my kitchen essentials in the linked post. While I do enjoy cooking, meal planning, meal prep, and simple meals are the foundation of why I can sustain and enjoy preparing the vast majority of meals for myself. This still isn’t the post I’ve alluded to in the past about my actual meal prep process. The goal is instead to highlight the benefits and address some of the challenges I’ve run into more recently. 
The main reason meal planning is invaluable to me is that it allows me to front-load and consolidate the decision-making. While I wouldn't literally starve without it, I'm significantly more likely to skip a meal when I've not planned one out. I know it sounds strange, but even if I'm somewhat hungry, I don't always have the mental energy to figure out what to eat. 
The most practical benefit is that it streamlines my grocery shopping which in turn saves me time at the grocery store and money. The cost savings come in a few forms. First of all, when done strategically meal planning can eliminate food waste. More significantly, meal planning cuts down on impulse spending at both restaurants and grocery stores. A good meal plan still allows you to eat out if that’s something you value. The difference is that it’s with more intentionality rather than desperation and hunger. 
A side benefit is that it makes me more aware of what I'm eating which presumably helps me to be a bit more health conscious. While I don’t have scientific proof of causation, there’s absolutely a correlation at least for me. 
Now on to the challenges. The problem is that you can’t always perfectly stick to your meal plan. That in of itself is okay. For instance, say there is some free food opportunity or you get invited to go out to dinner with a friend. In that case, a good meal plan simply adapts. A meal plan isn’t meant to constrain you and should simply be updated as circumstances change or if you simply change your mind about what you want to eat.
The actual challenge is when external factors impact your meal plan. Here are a few examples from this month. First of all, a few weekends ago I got a cold. This directly impacted my meal plan because I didn’t have the energy to cook. Besides, it made me want something like chicken noodle soup. Fortunately, I do keep an emergency can of chicken noodle soup as well as some instant ramen! And while I did recover in time, it did almost impact my ability to go grocery shopping and do meal prep for the next week. 
The following Friday, I prepared two servings of my polenta with sausage and peppers but managed to drop and break one of the bowls. I was thus forced to come up with a replacement meal for Saturday night. A similar but less extreme mishap was accidentally leaving my blue cheese in my grocery backpack. After being unrefrigerated for two days, throwing it out seemed like the prudent decision. In this case, I just had less yummy tofu spinach salads for the rest of the week. 
The challenge today and inspiration for writing this post was needing to replan on the fly due to there being no ripe bell peppers at the grocery store. This is a problem because peppers are a core ingredient for both of the meals I just mentioned. Fortunately, the frozen peppers were finally back in stock. While this unblocks the polenta meal, frozen veggies don't exactly work in a fresh salad. Thus instead of my normal baby spinach, I opted for frozen so that I could still make my spinach omelets. The good and bad thing is that I’d already done my usual meal prep of tofu for the salads and rice/tempeh for my rice bowls. Because the tempeh freezes well, the new plan is to use my salad tofu for tofu rice bowls. It should be okay, but I would have cut and cooked the tofu differently if I’d known it was going to be used for rice bowls. As for the tempeh, the plan isn’t fully set. I'm hoping to develop an alternate meal, but may end up simply making more rice next weekend.
I want the main takeaway to be that meal planning is incredible and can be as flexible as you need it to be. I’ll also leave you with a few learnings from the recent challenges I’ve encountered. First, always keep a few emergency meals on hand. Freezer meals can work here but ideally, you also have some shelf-stable options. Canned chicken noodle soup is perfect to have around in case you come down with a cold. I’ve also learned that grocery shopping is best done before meal prepping just in case items are out of stock or otherwise not to your liking. That being said, I probably won’t fully take this learning to heart as changing up my Sunday routine seems worse than the occasional forced adaptation.
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missspringthyme · 8 months ago
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March 14th, 2024
I spent a lot of time with german-american today. She's studying for an exam she's retaking that she's really stressed about, and I have 3,000 words to write. It's perfect.
Unfortunately, neither of us particularly wanted to be doing the things we were doing, the weather outside was gorgeous, and we were in some silly goofy moods. At one point I sat on the floor in the puddle of sunlight that was coming in through the window and did some work there. Finnish roommate had knocked on my door and asked if I wanted to get ice cream and oh my god did I desperately want to just enjoy the sunshine with an ice cream. Or sit up on the balcony and just enjoy the weather.
Instead, I got window sunlight.
I tried to use it as a motivator to get myself to finish faster. If the proposal was done before sunset I could get an ice cream. Instead, I ended up sitting upstairs with german-american, battling the clock.
We took a break and came downstairs for dinner. This is when we decided it would be a good idea to adjust all the lights in the ceiling. This was a harder task than initially anticipated, and in the process we broke one of them. We managed to hide our crime, but knew even the slightest touch would reveal the damage we had done. Additionally, in fixing it we had made it crooked.
When the boys came home we stayed silent while they commented on the changes in light positioning. German-american pointed to the crooked one, and without a second thought third-culture Australian lept up and smacked it like he was blocking a basketball. Although this meant the light was broken once more, it also meant that the crime could be placed on his shoulder's instead of ours. The boys immediately started attempting to fix it, becoming as Engineer Like as they could. Lots of mumbling about what tools they needed while standing on wobbly perches. In the end though, they did manage to fix it. Hooray!
After dinner, we headed back upstairs to work. With third culture Australian joining us a little bit later. If I'm honest, I was not very happy he wanted to come and work with us too. He talks to himself and is generally a very noisy worker, but this is made worse when he does anything on MATLAB. The last thing I needed was more distraction, but I couldn't really tell him no.
German-american and I made a big pot of sweet ginger tea to split between the 2 of us, which was an excellent choice. We went back and forth on which mug should go to which person, with her telling me to choose because she didn't want to decide. I could tell she really wanted the pink mug though, so I told her to take that one.
As the night went on, we all started to crave some snacks. I offered to make us all some of my protein mug cakes and so we took a break to enjoy those. Tragically, this backfired and now my appetite for treats had only grown. Looking down the barrel of an all-nighter, I told the other two that I would make a snack run to Rewe before it closed. This also meant that I got to go outside for the first time all day, even if it was just at night.
I allowed every indulgence, recognizing this very same mood from this time last year: diss season. I bought popcorn, paprika chips, hummus, baby carrots, a pain au chocolat, sour cola straws (spinnenbeine), chocolate for TCA, but no fizzy drinks. I consider that last one a mark of remarkable restraint. It also makes me wonder how being back in the US while I'm writing my thesis will look like. My family has never been a snack family, and there is a general disdain towards unhealthy foods. I can already hear the teasing if I tried to buy a soda while we went grocery shopping. Although I also happily snack on lots of non junky foods, they just tend to be more expensive, so maybe if I'm not the one footing the bill it won't matter anyway.
We all shared the snacks and german-american and I worked through 3 pots of tea. Eventually, they told me goodnight, leaving me all alone with my treats and my computer screen.
At some horrible witching hour, I started to feel the panic begin to seep into me. I have done far worse in a smaller amount of time, but this was different for several reasons. (1) I am feeling the effects of burnout, it has quite literally been less than a year since I wrote my last thesis and last semester was brutal (2) I really want to impress my supervisor and my second supervisor, and this would be the first time they would actually read and assess the quality of my work. Even if this is a pass/fail assignment, it represents a much larger test in terms of their opinion of me (3) As always, the literature in this field is dense and difficult to read. It is very easy to misunderstand concepts (4) I am not sure how much I actually understand, and by writing it all out, my supervisor will be able to tell exactly what I don't understand. I began to look back on photos from this time in years past and felt a manic delight in the knowledge that for the past few years I have consistently lapsed into insanity on this week. The notable highlights include, of course, me actively in the midst of writing my bachelors thesis (and also finally having french/dutch braids click for me, hell yeah) as well as frantically attempting to pack my life up and leave before borders shut at the very start of the pandemic. March 14th, 2020 I was in a shower after a night of no sleep, eating a miniature tub of hagen das fruit ice cream, fully losing my mind.
I texted T all of that and he managed to calm me down and also make me cry a little bit. He told me to remember how proud my 14 year old self would be of me right now and he's absolutely correct. I spent a minute whispering to myself the things that I had managed to do that little Alexa would be stoked to hear about and took a deep breath (I did a bachelor's in biology and psychology in Scotland, and finished with good grades and a 1st class dissertation; I figured out how to have nice nails and do eyeliner and french braid my hair; I'm living in Germany; I'm doing a masters in Neuropsychology; I'm on track to do a PhD etc etc). T offered to read through my proposal, but I was worried I wouldn't be finished with it before he went to bed, so instead I asked that he read my methods to make sure it made sense. He said it was fine and told me to send me the rest if I finished on time. I decided to head back downstairs for a change of scenery and to avoid potentially making eye contact with an employee of the building arriving for their day of work.
I did not finish on time for T to read it, but it was good enough for me to send to my supervisor for notes at a reasonable time before falling asleep.
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anonymus-enby · 1 year ago
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my relationship with food (part 1)
TW: mental health, food, ED
Hello everybody,
it’s me again. I realized that in my last post I didn’t say at all what my hobbies are. If you are interested in that, scroll down, I will write a bit about that in the end.
But first I want to write about my relationship with food. I couldn’t possibly cover everything in one post but I’ll write about some things now. I never really thought of myself as of someone having an eating disorder of any sorts. In my head I am like ‘sure, I skip a meal here and there, but I am still fine, I don’t need that much food’ and consider the way I eat as normal although logically looking at it, it is not. I also think the reason why people think like that is because often when we think about someone with an eating disorder we think of Anorexia Nervosa, about people who can not eat anything and often starve to death. You know, skinny to their bones. But that is not the only kind of an eating disorder. I just wanted to mention that. But before I lose myself in talking about the different types, I’ll talk about my personal experiences- because that’s what I’m here for.
For me- I feel like I eat healthy and enough as long as there’s enough food in the house, I am alone and preferably have a plan of what I am going to eat. Otherwise (which is most days) it is a bit harder. Let me elaborate: in my ideal situation I wake up in the morning already knowing what I’ll have for breakfast (because I planned what I want to eat for the whole day some days before). If I do that- I can eat a healthy amount of healthy food and feel good about it. I don’t know if that has something to do with being in control or otherwise just not knowing what I should eat and then eat something small and fast or even nothing in the end. Yet, that whole planning thing- it needs time and preparation. So the only times I do that is when I know my parents are out of the house for several days (I live with both my parents in a house, I have a brother but he already moved out). And they are not often gone. A vacation is something that my family can’t just easily afford and their jobs are not far away (we don’t even have a car) so you can figure that those periods of time are seldom. The problem when they are there, is that I can’t just walk around the house freely (technically I can- I’m not in danger of my parents or something but I just like to stay in my room when they are there) and my mom doesn’t like it if everybody just eats whatever they want and whenever they want it. And I understand that. But because I didn’t go specifically grocery shopping for my planned week when the house is full, it feels like we don’t have much food there. I also often feel like it is a waste of time to cook and eat and do everything else in between. I would love to just eat while I do something else but when my mom is there- I don’t. Also, my dad is really experimental with cooking and often I don’t like what he cooks. My mom’s cooking is better, but she often makes similar things and I don’t eat enough. Only when I know that I am going to cook this evening and therefore have time to prepare a bit, i am satisfied. Don’t get me wrong- I appreciate even having food on the table and that my parents are there and stuff. I don’t want to come off as ungrateful. I guess I am just a really picky eater. I am trying not to compare myself with people who have it worse than me anymore, but I always feel like I need to mention that I’m not some ‘spoilt brat’ because guess what- I do feel guilty really easily and already assume that everybody hates me (greetings from my social anxiety). I also had phases of literally two days where my mindset about food just changed from one day to the other. Where I suddenly thought it was a good thing to hear my stomach grumble and where I tried to break my record of the number of hours that I wasn’t eating anything. I only ate a little bit when I had to (at dinner with my family) so that they wouldn’t get suspicious. And only eating one banana and a little bit of dinner already made me feel like I ate too much. At some point my mother actually was concerned. She didn’t talk to me though. My dad told me that my mom mentioned that. So I knew I had to be more careful. I would mostly eat something minty like mentos or tictacs and drink a bunch of energy drinks. The first time I realized that that was not so good was when I started shaking a bit uncontrollably. That frightened me a little bit, but I would also be lying if would say that it gave me not a feeling of success.  Well, those phases never lasted long and didn’t occur that often, but I guess in general I was still not eating well because my mom realized it (and she is usually easily fooled- or she just doesn’t talk).
this is part 1 of 2. i will upload the second one right after this ;)
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thefrontofmymind · 2 years ago
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"Friendship" Test; Request (Joseph Quinn x costar!Reader)
REQUEST: I’ve just read Salmon Smoothie and loved it!! Here is a similar idea, if you’d like to give it a try: So the reader and Joseph are dating but they are keeping it a secret. Only friends, families and St cast, producers etc. know about it. We know that Joseph is very private about his life but reader is very open about it, always active on social media and she loves sharing pictures of her friends. Also reader’s character and Eddie have a decent amount of scenes together so they also do press together a lot like Wired Autocomplete, that Glamour Friendship Test vid etc. Fans speculate a lot since reader and Joe are almost always together and one day paparazzi takes pictures of Joseph and reader together when they are really close. What is going to happen? What will they do? How will they react? How will cast react? I am leaving this up to you. Also you can change anything you want from my propmt, it’s totally okay. And if you’re not interested in writing a similar concept, that’s also okay. This just an idea. Love youuuu
a/n: hello lovely anon! i've mixed this request with a couple others and it'll be getting another part with the paparazzi photos in it that should be up by the end of the weekend! thank you sm for the request! love you! xx
SYNOPSIS: Joe and Reader do Glamour's Friendship Test, only they are certainly much more than friends
WARNINGS: pure fluff, like one curse word but cmon now...
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When you and Joe started dating, you quickly realised how imperative it was that you kept your relationship private. Between both of your ‘public images’, and the horribly objectifying idea that you wouldn’t get as much work if you weren’t seen as desirable by an audience, especially as you both were up-and-coming still. Though that didn’t mean you couldn’t have a bit of fun.
Everything you teased you made sure was above board, every photo you posted and every hint you gave in interviews was just enough to let the eagle-eyed fans know you were seeing someone, but they could never guess who–and you both liked it that way.
Whether it was a photo of your dinner from your first anniversary with Joe, or even a silhouette of his sunglasses–that you thought of as his signature–after a day at the beach with your family and him, it made the two of you laugh seeing how worked up some of the fans would get.
“Here’s one!” you said, sitting on the sofa reading through your latest Twitter replies, while Joe was stood at the stovetop making dinner for the two of you. “‘Bestie, you and I both know you can’t keep soft-launching, there HAS to be more than a crumb eventually.’”
Joe chuckled–a teasing laugh that you didn’t hear very often, it sounded like he was up to something. “Do you ever think about it, dove? What would happen if we told the fans?”
“I have,” you said, candidly. “But I love the fun of sneaking around too much. It’s not like we’re lying to everyone, we still interact publicly, the fans just don’t know the whole story…”
Joe was quiet for a minute, stirring the numerous saucepans on the stove for the ‘feast’ he was making. “Yeah, you’re right….” he eventually let out. “The secret-keeping is-uh-well it’s pretty fun.”
It was almost too easy for the pair of you to get by as ‘just friends’ out in public–everyone knew you worked together and had gotten very close during the filming of Stranger Things, so the odd paparazzi photo of the two of you out grocery shopping or whatever you may be doing wasn’t out of the ordinary. 
And it made your day when you were able to do press together, since the PR team for Netflix knew about your fantastic chemistry, it seemed obvious for the two of you to pair up when it came time for promotional interviews.
You and Joe were standing about two feet apart in front of a white backdrop, the studio lights beating down on you–making you begin to sweat just a little. 
“Hi! It’s Y/N,” you said with a smile to the camera. 
“-And Joe, and we’re doing the Glamour friendship test, but with a twist!” he cut in, reading the cue card that was being held up just behind the camera.
“It’s a competition with Noah and Mille, and Sadie and Maya, to see who knows who best!” you continued, enthusiastically. “I think we’re going to destroy them, what do you think?”
“Yeah, we definitely know each other the best…For sure,” Joe answered, looking into your eyes, before being interrupted by one of the producers behind the camera.
“Both the other pairs said you guys would do the best,” she let you know. It made sense–the whole cast of the show knew you two were together, so it just made good sense that you would happen to know the most about each other. “Okay, the first thing is, what are your hidden talents?”
You excitedly turned to Joe. “I know yours!” He gave you a questioning look. “All your different accents!”
“Oh, yeah,” he nodded. “I can do lots of bad accents.”
“C’mon do one…” you egged him on, you really couldn’t help it. “Do your New Yorker accent.”
“Only if it pleases you…” Joe took a deep breath. “Eh, I’m walkin’ here!”
You let out a cackle from deep within your chest–you honestly weren’t sure where it came from, but for some reason, Joe always seemed to get the most genuine laughs and smiles out of you, whenever possible.
“And your hidden talent….” Joe thought for a second, tongue out–a common occurrence for him. “I’ve got it, you always wrap presents the absolute best.”
“Oh come on! That can’t be my hidden talent!” you argued, though you knew it was true. Even as a kid, you would be the one designated to wrap the family gifts–you just had a knack for folding the paper just right and always using the tape perfectly–and in adulthood, it had become somewhat of a hobby for you; you even had a gift-wrapping drawer full of ribbons, tapes, and other bits and bobs to spruce up any old box.
“No it is…” Joe said, sincerely while putting an arm around you shoulders and looking you dead in the eye. “You’re very talented.”
You couldn’t stop yourself from looking back into the deep pools of brown–you could just about see your reflection in them. Though after a few seconds, you remembered where you were and quickly straightened, pushing Joe’s arm off your shoulder and awkwardly clearing your throat. “Next one, then?”
“Okay…The next exercise is trust falls!” the producer said after a beat of awkward silence.
You couldn’t help but grimace as you pictured Joe missing catching you, ending with you falling flat on your face.
“Do you want to fall first and I’ll catch you or do you want to catch first?” Joe asked before seeing the look on your face. “Are you alright, dove?”
“Do you not trust Joseph?” the producer chimed in with a smile, though your fear was very genuine. There was no getting out of it–you just had to grow a set of balls and do the fall.
“I’m fine just-” you moved into position, standing with your back to Joe, who was a couple feet away. “Don’t drop me.”
Joe laughed as you squeezed your eyes as tightly shut as you could get them, took a deep breath, and fell backwards, into Joe’s grasp. It was almost too easy–he didn’t even struggle as he pushed you back into a standing position before you both turned around so you could catch him with ease.
“Great guys! Now we’re going to give you guys your phones, you have a minute to find some emojis to describe each other,” the producer said as an assistant handed you and Joe your phones.
You scrolled through the emoji menu picking, occasionally looking at Joe who was deep in thought with a furrowed brow, looking at his phone.
“Okay I’m ready,” you said, locking your phone and smiling at the camera.
“Yep, me too,” Joe answered with a smile. “For you, I did the big sparkly-eyed one–because you’re adorable, then the alien because you’re weird, and the high hell because you always wear such cool shoes, and then the dove because we call each other ‘dove’ a lot, and then the star because you’re a star…”
You had no hope in hiding the huge grin on your face and your boyfriend shyly poured all the compliments out–and you couldn’t help but notice as a blush crept up his neck as he spoke.
“Okay for mine, I put a chef, because you’re a good cook, then sunglasses because I always steal your glasses when we’re out, and then the dove, because our nicknames for each other, then some sparkles–I don’t know why but it made me think of you–and then a white heart because that’s the one I always send to you,” you rambled–perhaps a little too fast but you blamed the anxiety in your chest over being so vulnerable in front of a camera.
“I love it, darling,” Joe said under his breath as the assistant grabbed your phones back and the next shot was being prepared.
“Okay, and now we just have some rapid fire questions, are you guys ready?” the producer asked, waiting for the both of you to nod. “What is your friend’s favourite snack on set?”
You had to really fight the urge to say ‘me’ at first thinking back to all the hasty breaks you two would take on set, all but running to whomever's trailer was closer–you felt butterflies as you reminisced.
“Your’s is…” Joe drawed it out. “Those biscuits with the cheese that you dip in it, like Dunkaroos, right?”
“Sorta like Dunkaroos, and you like to have dried apricots.”
“Yes, I do…”
“Great!” the producer chimed in. “What is your friend’s pet peeve?”
“You hate when people don’t say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, very British of you…”
“Yeah that’s a big one for me…” Joe was still thinking. “Your pet peeve is when people confidently sing the wrong lyrics to a song.”
You didn’t answer him–just held out your hand for a high five, which he did, but kept hold of your hand long after the slap was heard.
“Okay and what is your friend’s Zodiac sign?” the producer read off the list.
“I’m so bad with these….” Joe complained, wincing.
“Yeah, he has no idea, he can’t even guess,” you laughed. “He’s a Taurus.”
“Is your friend a morning or night person?”
“We’re both more morning people, I’d say…” you started.
“Yeah we both like to get stuff done in the morning, nighttime is cold…and dark…”
“Thanks so much guys, we just have some final thoughts and then an outro and you’re free to go!” the producer said with a smile.
“Okay…” You wracked your brain trying to come up with what to say, but all you could really focus on was the fact that Joe’s hand was still in yours. Even after all this time, it was the little things like him holding your hand and giving you his jacket on cold nights that gave you the bubbling feeling in your chest that you knew as love and pure adoration.
“I think apart from the zodiac sign question,” Joe started. “Which was complete bullshit by the way-oh wait sorry, I’m not supposed to swear-anyway, I think we probably did the best…”
“Because we’re the best!” you joked, before Joe pulled you into a rough hug that elicited a giggle from you. “Thanks, Glamour!”
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errythinisblue · 3 years ago
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After the video with mason cocking in his kitchen, can you write one where you two are cocking together and he asks you to finger yourself in the counter and after that he fuck you .🥵
Hi babes! Well this was a hell of a request really, it was SO HOT to write that down! I hope you'll enjoy this! ;) <3
Two can play this game
Mason Mount x Y/N
Summary: When you and Mason decide to have an at home date night, pots and pans are not the only things that are getting heated.
Warnings: SMUT, lots of SMUT.
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It was Saturday afternoon and you just got back from shopping. As you had the night off work and Mason had to play on Sunday, you thought it could be a great idea to have an at home date night. You really couldn’t go out on the night before a match, so you and Mason planned the perfect night just for the two of you: you would start your date by cooking your dinner together, and then you would either watch a film or play games, depending on the mood you wanted to set.
As for your mood, it was insanely high. You really couldn’t wait to spend the night alone with your boyfriend, since it was from his birthday night that you hadn’t had a proper date. You were singing to some music that was coming from the speakers in your living room, while you were putting the groceries away; as you noticed the extreme amount of food you bought you suppressed a laugh, shrugging it off immediately as you really didn’t know what you’d like to have for dinner. That was why you bought noodles, pasta, some meat and of course some fruit and vegetables, not to mention the cookies and chocolate that couldn’t really be missing.
“Well looks like I stocked the kitchen up…” once again you laughed to yourself, scratching your head as you looked at your now full fridge and cupboards.
“I already thought you went mental for buying all of that,” you heard Mason say from behind you as he made you jump from the scare, “but talking to yourself is a whole other level babe!” he laughed at the sight of your terrified face.
“Mount I swear to God I’m gonna end you if you keep scaring me like this!” you shouted at him as you clutched your chest with both of your hands.
“It’s not my fault if you keep the volume so high that you can’t even hear me sneaking up on you!” he provocatively made his way to you as he looked directly into your Y/E/C eyes.
“That’s not an excuse for you to act like a child.” you told him as you were now crossing your arms on your chest to stop him from hugging you.
“Aw c’mon babe relax…it was just an innocent prank…” he put his hands on both sides of your neck, tilting your head up with his thumbs, “I didn’t really mean to scare you like that…” he told you as he started laughing again.
“You’re such a bastard. And I was even falling for your words!” you laughed at him in disbelief, pushing him away from you.
“Where do you think you’re going, mh?” he gently grabbed you by your elbow, not letting you go away from him this time, “It’s our date night babe, don’t you think it’s a bit rude to act like this?” he asked you, keeping his gaze on your face.
“You were the first one being rude by scaring me so, it looks like we’re even.” you dangerously neared your face to his, leaving a peck on the corner of his mouth, teasing him, “However, I’m hungry… what about you?” you leaned your palms on his toned chest, feeling his muscles contract under the hoodie he was wearing.
“I am too…should we start cooking?” he kissed you on your jaw, running his hands over your back, under your – his– sweater.
“Yeah, what do you want to eat my love?” you bit your lip as you looked up at him with big sultry eyes, wanting to test his patience.
“I really don’t know now,” he was keeping himself from laughing once again, “since my girlfriend decided to stock up on food to last for a lifetime…” he then let a smile appear on his face.
“You’re really getting on my nerves Masey. Don’t test my patience.” you playfully warned him, pointing a finger at him.
“Then you shouldn’t test mine either.” he stared at your lips, as he wrapped one of his hands around your forefinger you were pointing at him with.
-
After you decided that you’d have some Bolognese pasta, you started making it. Once you divided your tasks you started cutting the onion, while Mason was grabbing all the ingredients you would need to prepare your dinner.
You were full on crying when you finished cutting the onion, and Mason couldn’t resist the urge to make a funny remark. In his mind, two could play that testing game, and he was determined on winning it by making fun of you and teasing you, knowing full well you couldn’t stand him when he did that.
“Oh babe why are you crying?” he mocked you, “I really didn’t mean to scare you!” he stuck his bottom lip out as he cradled your face in his hands, feigning regret.
“Oh c’mon Mount you can do better than that. Even you know that.” you rolled your eyes at him, drying you tears with the back of your hand and removing his hands from your face.
“Y/N/N you really are no fun…” he raised his hands in the air, knowing he hit a spot since you were really touchy and you couldn’t stand being criticized.
“Oh am I?” you furrowed your brow at that, making him believe that you were annoyed and that you were about to give in. “Okay.” you just shrugged your shoulders, leaving him dumbfounded at your unusual behavior.
You knew he was trying to push your buttons by making fun of you, he knew how thin-skinned you were and he was acting on that. But what he didn’t know was that you were just getting started with him. The doe eyes you gave him when he came home, the barely there touches you left on his body, were only the beginning of your plan.
As he started stirring the sauce you would need to put on your pasta, you started to rearrange the kitchen. But you had your own, unique way of doing it. Every time you would go near him, you made sure to brush your elbow against his own, or your hip against his. You were teasing him with your lingering touches, and every once in a while you would leave soft kisses on his clothed shoulder while you were making your way past him.
When you didn’t hear a word from him in minutes, you knew your plan was working. You could tell even by looking at his face, the visible vein on his temple telling you that he was about to burst. And he did once he saw you bending down, and your bum casually, or maybe not, brushed against his thigh.
“Enough.” he growled, leaving the spoon he was stirring the sauce with in the pan and switching off the induction hob.
“What?” you smirked at him, knowing you had him exactly where you wanted him.
“Don’t play pretend now. You tried to wind me up since I got home, didn’t you?” he asked you, holding your face in his left hand.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” you looked at him with your best mask of defiance on, trying to keep your balance on your already shaking legs.
“I told you not to test my patience.” the words left his mouth in an animalistic growl.
“And I told you not to test mine before that.” you were keeping your mask on, you just didn’t know it was about to crumble at his next move.
He lifted you up and sat you down on the kitchen counter, making space for you as he pushed aside everything he found on the marble surface to make room for you. He took your face in his hands once again as he kissed you hungrily, feverishly, lowering his hands down on your body until he met the waist of your black leggings. He hooked his fingers in it, and pushed them down your legs with a little help from you.
You could see the arousal fogging his brown eyes, as his pupils were so dilated that his eye color turned into black. His lips were swollen from the bruising kiss you two just shared. His adam apple was bobbing with the harsh breaths he was taking. His chest rising and falling quickly as his breathing was labored. And when you lowered your gaze to his crotch you understood why.
“I shouldn’t even let you look at me.” he told you, his voice even lower than before.
“What should I do then?” you asked with your soft voice, swinging your legs and slowly opening them wider and wider, so that you could tease Mason even further.
“You’re still trying to play your little games?” he asked you, while he walked around the kitchen counter looking at you like you were his prey, “Then show me your tricks,” he ordered you as he grabbed a stool and sat on it directly in front of you, “would you finger yourself on this counter?”
Your breath hitched at his request, your palms becoming sweaty at the warmth you were feeling in every cell of your body. When he leaned his hands on the marble counter, one on each side of your hips, your first instinct was to open your legs for him.
“Tell me,” he continued setting your body on fire with his words, “would you do that knowing that it turns me on?”
You couldn’t seem to find the words to answer him, so you simply nodded your head, making him chuckle as you knew he wanted to hear you.
“Would you?” he asked you in between his teeth, clenching his jaw.
“Yes.” you breathed.
“Then do it.” he leaned back on the stool as he kept his famished stare on you, “Let me watch you babygirl…I wanna watch you.”
You did as you were told as you slowly pushed your underwear to the side, not wanting to waste another second before starting to move your fingers around your clit. The first touch was enough to send a bolt of electricity up your spine.
Mason watched as you threw your head back and your mouth fell open at the pleasure you were giving yourself, and his cock twitched at the sight of you touching your pussy in front of him, for him. He started to palm his dick through the black Chelsea joggers he still had on from when he came home, while his eyes didn’t move from your fingers.
When your eyes were back on him you thought you died and went to heaven: he was sitting on the stool with his thighs open wide, his torso fully relaxed against the little backrest and his right hand that was stroking his erection over his joggers. He was looking at you through hooded eyes, licking his lips as he eyed you like a full course meal.
The sight of him spurred you on as you slowly inserted a finger inside of you. You moaned at the feeling, as you started moving your hand faster and faster. When you saw him pushing down his trousers enough to free his cock, you instinctively put another finger inside of your now dripping pussy, clearly imagining it was his cock that was filling you. But as your fingers weren’t enough you started circling your nub once again, and in the blink of an eye your fingers movement and the sight of him touching himself in front of you brought you to the brink of your orgasm.
Just as your climax was about to crash down on you like a tidal wave, Mason’s hand stopped your movements as you were about to experience the most intense orgasm ever. Or so you thought. He didn’t even let you whine about your ruined orgasm as he pushed his dick inside of you with a deep, hard thrust that had you boat moaning loudly.
“Did you really thought I’d let you come like that?” he groaned as he stilled himself inside of you, while he was removing both of your shirts from your bodies.
“Please Mase please…move…” you whined as you were now laying back on the counter.
“Should I?” it was his turn to tease you now, as he circled your still sensitive clit with his thumb making you clench around him, “I mean…fuck. You feel so good like that, clenching down on my cock and taking it all like the good girl you are.” he struggled with his words, “’Cause you’re a good girl right?”
“I am…” you whimpered, feeling your body on fire even when your back rested against the cold white marble, “oh fuck me please…let me show you I can take it all baby please…”
“Show me then.” he started thrusting into you at a fast pace, “Show me you can take it all.” he growled as his hands were holding your hips so tight that you could feel his bitten nails biting at your skin.
“Oh fuck!” you reached back and grabbed at the edge of the counter with both of your hands, arching your spine at the pleasure he was giving you.
“Keep your hips down.” he moaned as he pushed you back down on the counter, with his hands grabbing at your breasts that were now on full display for him.
“Mase I’m so close…” you whimpered, putting your hands on his, and circling his waist with your legs to keep him there.
“I know baby, I’m close too…” he groaned as he watched the way his cock slipped inside of you so easily, “Fuck I think I’m gonna explode baby…fuck. You feel so tight around me…” his face was contorted in pleasure as he looked down at you.
At hearing his words you couldn’t resist anymore. As one of your hands went down to your pussy and started circling your clit under his stare once again, his hips started hitting you at a bruising pace with forceful thrusts. His dick was hitting every nerve inside of your body, it felt like it was made just for you.
“Want me to come inside of you babygirl?” he wrapped one of his hands around your throat to keep you steady.
“Oh yes baby, fuck!” you moaned, “Fuck Mason I’m gonna c-cum!”
As he felt your pussy clench around him continuously, he felt like he was going to faint as he was feeling lightheaded with all the pleasure running in his veins after the buildup he experienced.
“Ooh fuck fuck fuck!” he growled as he came deep into your pussy, leaning his face in between your breasts as he was giving you everything he had, “Fuuuck…” he whimpered as he felt himself slipping out of you.
“Did you run out of words baby?” you lightly laughed as you ran your fingers through his now messy hair.
“I only need a minute to recover…” he said still out of breath from the intensity of his orgasm.
“Take all the time you need,” you told him, “I just wanted you to know that I’m starving really…”
“You could have told me before, I would have fed you babygirl…” he winked at you making you blush at his dirty joke.
“Are you trying to start another round of our game Mount?!” you asked him with a vein of disbelief in your voice.
“I’m always up for our game, you should know that by now.” he made himself clear, “Even more so when it’s been days since we had all night for ourselves…” he softly told you as he helped you on your feet once again.
“Well take me to bed then, what are you waiting for?” you wrapped your arms around his shoulders.
“Wait weren’t you hungry?” he frowned.
“Starving actually…” you whispered against his lips, “…for you.”
Might do a part 2... ;)
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sweetcherrymoon22 · 3 years ago
Note
You should write more about y/n having anxiety and ticking and Harry comforting herrrr!!
You ask, and I have such a long answer!!!!!
Welcome to part one of a two-part fic all about anxiety and panic. I would like to make the disclaimer that this is purely based off of my own experience and in no way should reflect what other people do in those situations.
part two coming tomorrow!!
tw: anxiety, OCD, Panic, past relationship abuse (very briefly mention and very vague, no physical violence), medication
4.3k
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Part 1
We had only been in LA for a couple of days so far, the beginning of two weeks there for a few shows and a little bit of “time off” where the boys were having some meetings with the label and management while they were in the area. All of the boys have apartments in LA that they bought a while back when their management and label signed to be in LA, so, while we were here we all were back at our own apartments instead of in hotels by a venue. It was sort of nice to be at “home” for a little while, even if the apartment Harry and I were sharing in LA was not nearly as homely as the one in New York or our house in London. After two days of being in the house and going out or ordering in for all of our meals, I decided it was probably high time to get some actual groceries for the fridge so that we could cook something, or even just have a snack because there was not a single morsel of food in the apartment. I had gone out by myself to do the shopping, leaving Harry at home doing god knows what because we both did not feel like being mobbed getting groceries today.
While I was deliberating over the avocados I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and I slid it out to check who had texted me. I had expected it to be Harry adding something to the list, or maybe one of the boys asking if they could come for dinner, but what I found was a name I hadn’t seen or thought of in about five years. I was lucky his number hadn’t been changed because it was still in my contacts from the last time I saw him. A picture of my Ex with his dog beside him made me freeze when I realized it was real. Five years of nothing, no phone calls, no visits, no texts, no emails, no cards. He sent me a single check for a thousand dollars after leaving me with only a note left behind: for that plane ticket you got.
Of course, I had gotten over him. I went to therapy and did the work I needed and then I found Harry and eventually I forgot all of the terrible things that I went through when I was with him. I took a deep breath and threw the two avocados that I had my hands on into a produce bag without thinking about it. I shut my phone off and turned off the ringer, deciding that now was not the time to force myself to look at whatever the hell excuse he had texted me. I moved through the store getting the rest of the items on my list, moving as fast as I could in anticipation of the text, and nervousness to get back to Harry so I could ask him what he thinks about the situation. After I checked out and brought all of the groceries to the back of Harry's black SUV I moved to the driver's seat and sat there for a moment with my hands on the wheel in silence until I brought out my phone. I opened the text without hesitation and saw the barely three-sentence message that I had been panicking about for the past forty-five minutes. 
Heard from your mother that you were in town, sorry for not reaching out earlier. Would love to go out for lunch tomorrow if you have the time. I should explain.
No explanation, no apology, no personal message or nickname. From the absolute lack of care or emotion in it, I would not be surprised to find out that he had told an assistant to send me something while he was running out the door to some corporate meeting. Don’t know why I expected anything different from him. I opened a text to my mother who had apparently divulged my location to the man in the first place.
y/n: Care to explain why y/e/n knows I’m in LA?
Mom: Whoops, forgot to text you about that, he heard the band was performing and wasn’t sure it was you, I merely confirmed what he already suspected.
I sighed and placed my phone on the seat beside me. No use in being mad at anyone for this, it was bound to happen eventually anyway, besides I might as well get it over with. Most likely what will happen is I’ll go to the lunch and if he decides to grace me with his presence at all, he’ll get a salad, ask polite questions, make a few misogynist jokes, pay the bill and I won’t speak to him again for another five years. 
y/n: tomorrow sounds fine, I know a  lunch place in midtown, I can text you the address. If you give me a time I can make the reservation.
Ex: glad you got back to me, one would be perfect for me
This time when I started the car I didn't even bother to play any music for the drive. Not like I would be able to enjoy it or sing along with all the questions now swimming in my head. Even with LA traffic the drive back to Harry and I’s apartment didn’t take much time, I had worried before that anything frozen I got would melt from the mixture of the hot LA sun and the horrible traffic that never seems to let up. When I parked the car in the garage and went to inspect the Ben and Jerrys from a bag in the trunk I was pleased to find that it was still solid in all of its glory. Usually, I would have gone in and requested Harry's help bringing things in from the car, but there were only a few bags, none of which were all that heavy. With two bags on each arm and one in my hand, I managed to walk in the door and set all of the bags on the kitchen table without too much trouble. Upon hearing the sound of the door closing behind me and the rustling of the grocery bags on the counter Harry called out my name from the couch.
 “Hey baby, how was shopping” He was writing an email with his computer on his lap but reached out behind the couch to grab mine. I gave it to him and ran my hand through his hair for a second before walking back to the counter to unload all of the groceries. 
“oh, it was fine. y/e/n texted me while I was there, he wanted to meet me for lunch tomorrow.” I dropped the information causally while opening and closing the cupboards in the kitchen. I must have done it well, too, because it took Harry almost a full minute to practically slam the lid of his computer down and turn 180 on the couch so that he was facing me.
 “he did what?” I shrugged, avoiding eye contact and placing the bananas in a bowl on the edge of the counter. 
“asked me to go for lunch with him tomorrow. Said he wanted to ‘explain’”
 “and what did you say?” 
“I told him yes.” He was quiet for a moment before he placed his computer on the couch cushion next to him and rose from the dark grey square he was sitting on, sauntering over to me and standing directly behind me, trapping me against the counter. What I expected to be a look of jealousy or anger was nothing but a calm and worried stare. Once my belly was pressed into the white granite of the kitchen island he came even closer and wrapped his arms around my middle, arching his back slightly to place his head on my shoulder right at the crook of my neck. I took both of my hands and placed them over his crossed arms around my stomach, not trying to pry him off, but just resting them there for some show of what he was doing. He kissed my neck once tenderly before moving his head up to be resting on top of my own.
 “are you sure that’s a good idea?” I knew what he was talking about but a part of me felt like playing the long game. 
“what do you mean?” He was patient and still while he responded, not a hint of annoyance at my unwillingness to get to the point of the matter. 
“going to lunch with him, are you sure that’s a good idea, especially after what happened the last few times you saw him.”
 “I don’t know what you mean.” He groaned by my head and flipped me around so that his arms were still around me, but now my back was pressed against the island and my hands were resting on his forearms. 
“y/n/n… at least let me come with you.” I shook my head adamantly and tightened my grip on his arms. 
“no. no, this is something I need to do by myself. I need to show him that I’m not some weak little girl he can push around anymore.” Harry brushed a stray bit of hair from my face and tilted his head down so that he could look me in the eye. 
“baby, you don’t need to prove anything to him. If anything he is the one that should be proving something to you. He practically pushed you into a nervous breakdown love, just after-“ 
“I don’t want to talk about that.” I wrenched myself out of his arms when I started to feel myself getting shaky and nervous at the mere mention of what had happened the last time I was near that man. Normally I can talk about anything with Harry. He makes me feel safe and loved, and he has never once pushed me past what he knows I feel uncomfortable with. He waits and pays attention until he knows that I can talk about something without it being scary or nerve-wracking. But this was the one thing. This was just something I didn’t talk about, hell I tried not to even think about it after it was finished. I stormed off into our bedroom knowing that he wasn’t far behind. The second I got there I couldn’t help but think about the event Harry had unknowingly brought up. I had told him once in passing what had happened that day, but I never really explained how much of an impact it had on me. I crumbled on the floor just in front of the bed and slid until my head was in my hands which were resting on my bent knees pointing towards the sky. Tears started to fall down my face and dribble all the way to my crooked elbows. I could faintly hear the distant sound of Harry's footfalls coming up the stairs and down the hallway to our room, but I was too lost to the world now to think about what that meant or do anything to change how I looked or felt. Our oak door creaked as he pushed it open, I hadn’t even latched the door closed when I came in so quickly and fell to the floor. He took one hesitant step into the room and then stopped. 
“I’m sorry” he whispered, sounding guilty, it wasn’t really his fault, I think he just wasn’t sure what happened. In Harry's mind, any time anyone cries near him or in front of him, it’s worth an apology. Maybe not one on his behalf, but on behalf of whoever hurt them. 
“it wasn’t you.” I sniffled out and kept my head in my hands, nervously running my hands through my hair in an effort to keep my frantic fidgeting at bay. He took a few more steps into the room and then slid down onto the floor next to me, careful not to touch me just in case it would make things worse.
 “Do you need me to do something?” I shook my head and tried to focus on the movements I could do, tapping my leg, cracking my knuckles, running my hand through my hair. Any little movement that I could do without actually standing up to move and alarming Harry was what I was doing.
 “Can I give you a hug?” I shook my head again. I tried not to feel bad about it, I’m sure he knew and understood why I couldn’t have a hug right now, but still, I felt a little bad for rejecting something I normally craved so much. When I’m panicking within myself so much like this, trapped within a flood of thoughts and emotions in my own mind, the feeling and even the thought of being physically trapped in someone's arms is nauseating.
 “Do you want to try taking a walk?” He had started to notice how I was not just shaking with nerves but shaking with a need, an intent.
 “no. Maybe. I don’t know” There were so many things happening in my brain all at once that I couldn’t figure out what to address first. All of the questions he proposed just added to the clutter and confusion even though he meant to help. He stopped asking me questions and just sat next to me for a minute. At first, I appreciated the silence he was giving me. It made my brain feel a little less cluttered like I had more room to figure out what thought to focus on first. That didn’t last long though. After a few minutes of scouring my thoughts to find something to start with, my own brain became a battle zone of crossing wires and half-finished arguments with myself that will never even come to fruition. My breathing picked up, as did my fidgeting. I was practically vibrating from all of my little movements and hyperventilation. I could feel the veins in my neck start to stand out from the strain of breathing, my head was pounding and the only sound I could hear was the rushing of blood in my ears. 
“y/n/n?” He turned to face me dead on when he saw my chest rising and falling faster than I could control. I was so deep in my own mind and lost in the sound of the blood rushing to my head that I didn’t hear or respond to him. He moved, still being careful not to touch me, so that he was facing me, kneeling on the carpet half a foot in front of me. He could see my skin begin to get paler and paler with the lack of oxygen staying in my body.
 “y/n you need to breathe” it went on like that for a minute. He pleaded with me to calm down, tried to count with me, name the things around us, played music, sang to me, anything he could think of to get me to even out my breaths in the hope that eventually I would calm myself down and tire myself out enough to fall asleep. But none of it worked. Half of the things he said didn’t even reach me because of how loud it was inside of my own brain, the other half just were slightly depressing attempts at distracting me for long enough to figure something else out. Finally, he gave up the natural tries.
 “I really don’t want you to pass out so I’m going to go get the meds baby.” I couldn’t speak enough to protest so I figured he must be right. I hated being medicated, but I think I would hate passing out in front of him even more, so the lesser of two evils I suppose. He got up and walked calmly to the door, but the second he was out into the hall I could hear his footsteps become more frantic. Less than two minutes later I heard his feet on the floor again as he rushed back into the room. Again I heard his feet slow the second he got into the room, not wanting to scare me any more than I already was. He kneeled a little closer to me this time, holding a small pill and a glass of water in his large hands. 
“Do you need help taking it?” I shook my head and held out a hand. He dropped the small white pill into my palm first, waiting for me to toss it into the back of my mouth before handing me the glass of cold water that I took a swig from. Once the pill was down and the glass of water had been drained I timidly held out a shaky hand while I waited for the medicine to take effect. Harry looked down at my shaking hand for a moment before taking it in his own and kissing it. He didn’t say anything, but continued to hold my hand in his much larger one until about ten minutes went by and I gave his hand three strong squeezes. 
“you good? Is it working?” I nodded
 “yeah. Yeah, it's definitely moving along” He let go of my hand in order to stand, and then once he was standing he handed me a pair of shorts and his t-shirt from his side of the bed. My hands were still a little shaky and the drug had almost taken full effect so he helped me slide my jeans and sweater off and then slide his giant shirt over my head and shoulders. Once I was dressed he held out both of his hands for me to take.
 “mmm, nope, think you’ll need to carry me.” I mumbled sleepily and looked up at him with a sheepish smile. 
“really? Worked that quick? All right then.” He crouched down to take me into his arms and did so with little effort. I slung my hands around the back of his neck and tried not to go completely limp in his arms. That was the thing I hated about the medication so much. Although it certainly calms me down enough to make the panic attack stop, it also means that it shuts down my body and brain in the process. He carefully lowered me onto the bed and helped me slide myself under our blankets. He took my glasses off of my head and folded them, placing them on the bedside table to my right. As he was about to walk away I grabbed his hand. 
“don’t go. Please.” He smiled down at me and gave my hand a few squeezes. 
“not going anywhere baby, I promise.” I reluctantly let go of his hand and he stripped himself of his remaining clothes before climbing into the bed beside me in only his boxers. Once we were side by side in the bed he pulled me into him so that I was nuzzled into his chest with his arms wrapped all the way around me. 
“he really fucked me up, huh.” He gave an airy laugh into my head that was sadder than anything else.
 “eh, maybe a little. Are you going to tell me why?” I waited a minute and listened to his heartbeat under my head, considering my options before spilling all my tales of woe. I could just stay silent, close my eyes and pretend that I had fallen asleep. Or I could change the subject ask him what he did today, but I doubt he would fall for that one. Or I suppose I could just tell him the truth. Maybe that was just the medication talking but for some reason that seemed like the decision I was leaning towards.
 “Soph?” 
“hmm?” I hummed into his chest, still considering my options carefully.
 “are you going to tell me what happened with him?” I sighed. The third option it is. 
“yeah, yeah, just don’t know where to start really. I guess it started when we first got together, I just never noticed how sad I was until he left. I guess a part of me always knew that what he was doing wasn't right, I just couldn't do anything about it. Until I started talking with y/bff/n again and realized how much of an idiot I had been to let him convince me that everything he did was my fault. I held some weird reverence for him even when he let me down time after time.” Harry started to run a hand through my hair. I felt weirdly distant from the story that at any other moment would have sent me spiraling into a panic attack, the joys of antidepressants I suppose. 
“once I realized how fucked up it all was I tried to confront him about it. Not just him and how horrible he was, how much pain he caused me, but just how this one person managed to create some irreparable rift inside myself to the point where I was practically doing his work for him. When I decided to leave him I hadn't told anyone.Not that I didn't want to, just that I felt it had to be my decision, I had to be the one to leave, to take something from him for once. The first thing he did was refuse to leave. He said that I was being too tough and that he would never do things like that. I tried to explain how I had been feeling, I thought that maybe the part of him I had fallen in love with so long ago would understand. And then suddenly I couldn't breathe. Not because he had touched me but because he had gotten so, so close to it. I don't know what stopped him that night but I didn't care. Eventually he put his hand back down to his side. He slept on the couch but I was so shocked I didn't even think to call the police, or my mom, or anyone, I just went to bed. The next morning was strangely calm, I spent as little time with him as I possibly could, and then just before he left he started talking some shit in the kitchen within earshot of me and I sort of lost it.”  He stayed quiet through my story, every once in a while moving his large hands to rub some other part of me, but just staying calm and still like he was afraid any movement would scare me off.
 “I don’t remember everything that was said, but I do remember that I was crying, my hands were shaking, he was laughing at me, I called him an asshole to his face about three times, by the end of it I was shaking with what I thought at first was rage. But it wasn’t.” He spoke for the first time, 
“it was a panic attack.” I nodded into his warm chest and took a deep breath to remind myself that I could. 
“yeah. It wasn’t my first ever, but I hadn’t really thought it was in issue yet. So basically he ended up causing me to go into a manic state that I had no one to help me with and then he left. We didn’t talk again except for that note he left in the kitchen. Not until a few months later. He showed up at my college graduation which I was terrified of as it was, and effectively told me that it was my fault he left. I blamed myself for all of that anyway so him telling me that in my mind just solidified it.”
 “you know that wasn’t-“ 
“I know, I know, but I was young and terrified and upset. I was dealing with OCD and Anxiety, and ADHD all on my own without anyone to help me, I was newly on my own, I didn’t have a boyfriend, I had maybe one or two close friends, I was barely speaking to my family, so I believed him because I didn’t know what else to do.” 
“Then why would you go tomorrow? Why would you put yourself through that pain? When he has already hurt you just from the memory?” He was trying very hard not to sound upset, I could tell, but his words showed it anyways. I took a hand and stroked his arm while I explained to him.
 “ I need to prove to myself that I’m not that person anymore. I need to show him that he’s in the wrong, or maybe make some peace with what happened.” He was quiet for another moment until he took my hand in his. 
“Then at least let me come with you.” 
“No. This is something I have to do by myself. I love you and I am so happy that I have someone like you to support me like this, but I need to learn how to be strong for myself sometimes. Besides, I made the lunch close enough to soundcheck that if anything happens I can just make the excuse that I need to get to work and I can leave and go straight to you.”
 “I'm just worried.”
 “I know. So am I. But I promise I will keep my phone on and I will text you every chance I get and then when I leave I will go straight to sound check so I can see you and the boys. I’ll be okay.” 
“you promise?” 
“promise” We were both silent for a few more minutes until my breathing evened out and slowed, my eyes closing from the toll of a panic attack and heavy medication. As I started to fall asleep with his heartbeat in my ears and my arms wrapped around him I heard his sleepy voice murmur in my ear. 
“I love you.”
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