#i seriously debated on if i should even move him from his old blog because he has such a strong presence

[yourflame]

❝ This might as well be my blog, holy moly. ❞

[t0wnspersonb]

I Got You (Sugawara Koushi x Reader)

Anonymous said:

Are you taking requests? I was wondering if you could do a smut with sugawara. Like they get a little drunk, and YN sits in Suga’s lap. Then Suga says something like, ”i know we're just friends, so I'm sorry if I get hard.” and then you can finish it however. Thank you so much!

Anonymous said:

Hiiii I justo read tour Tsukishima post! Is just great! Would It be posible to request a scenario with suga and his S/o un which she is a bit "scared" of being intimate with him because her first sexual contacts weren't good. she was sexually harrased when younger and so She is a bit reluctant of intimate Contact or sex being afraid that it just the same she has experienced. Also being afraid if she doesn't do the do with him he Will leave her. And how would he respond to that?

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Word Count: 3,124

Warnings: SMUT, mentions of sexual assault, drinking, alcohol, Suga being a fucking precious bean, my shit writing

Summary: It’s been a couple of years since everyone on the volleyball team have been together, one night during a get together you end up having one too many drinks, resulting in Sugawara taking you home and confessing his feelings to you. But a situation from your past might prevent you from reciprocating those feelings. 

~~~~~~

So I decided to incorporate these two requests together, I hope you guys don’t mind! I also apologize in advance if the writing is terrible😭😭😭 also another note for you guys: IF MENTIONS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT IS TRIGGERING FOR YOU PLEASE DO NOT READ. SAME IF YOU HAVE AN ISSUE ABOUT THE DRINKING. I NEVER WANT ANY OF MY READERS TO FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE SO PLEASE DO NOT READ IF ANY OF THIS STUFF MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE.  This blog is all about feeling safe and being welcoming. So please do not read if any of those warnings make you uncomfortable. Thank you all for the love and support and I can’t wait to continue writing:)

~~~~~~

The team reunion was everything that you thought it would be. 

 Complete chaos.

 It had been several years since you all had graduated from Karasuno, naturally you guys had stayed connected with everyone despite the different lives you all lead now.

 But it was like it had never changed.

 Currently Daichi was yelling at Hinata’s and Kageyama’s rivalry, both deciding to see how many shots they could take.

 Team reunions and alcohol definitely didn’t mix.

 You sat beside Asahi, watching the madness unfold before you, debating on if you should sneak out now.

 “If Tanaka and Noya aren’t careful, Daichi is going to lose his mind on them soon too.” Asahi laughed nervously as he stared at the other chaotic duo causing a scene.

 “The youth these days can’t handle their liquor.” you sighed, shaking your head.

 “You’re drunk too Y/n.” Sugawara said in amusement, taking in your flushed face and slightly dazed expression. “And what youth? They’re only a year younger than us.”

 Well… he got you there. You weren’t super drunk per say, but you were definitely feeling the effects of the alcohol you had consumed. 

 But in your defense, you were also a light weight. 

 “Don’t be rude Suga-kun.” you pouted staring at the grey-haired male. “I’ve had a long day.”

 “And I haven’t?” he teased. Sugawara was a teacher at Karasuno, and the faculty advisor for the volleyball club.

 It suited him; you had thought. Sugawara was always kind and smart, the fact that he had chosen a career where he could display those characteristics was wonderful.

 He was wonderful.

 Out of the entire team, you had remained the closest to him after you all had gone your separate ways.

 That was to be expected though, considering that you two had been close since before high school, childhood friends.

 And let’s be honest, you still harbored an enormous crush on him.

 “- Shut up you two! You’re disturbing the people around you!”

 Daichi was now yelling at Tanaka and Noya, although the people around you consisted of the old volleyball team. 

 More commotion could be heard from Kageyama and Hinata, and then suddenly you found yourself being pulled onto the lap of Sugawara; a volleyball now resting when you had just been.

 You blinked in confusion.

 “Oi! You almost hit Y/n-chan! Where did you guys even get that ball!?” Daichi yelled.

 “Boke! Hinata! Boke!” Kageyama screamed.

 “Maybe you should just sit here for now.” Sugawara murmured next to your ear, his chin resting on the top of your shoulder as he stared at the scene(s) unfolding before you guys.

 “... Yeah.” you finally uttered out. “Were they always this bad?” you asked, thinking back to your days as a Karasuno manager.

 “Definitely.” Sugawara mused. “But maybe we shouldn’t have met up at a place that serves alcohol.”

 “No kidding.” You muttered under your breath, unconsciously shifting in Sugwara’s lap, making yourself more comfortable as you leaned into his strong chest.

 You both were oblivious to the eyes of Kiyoko and Asahi. They smirked slightly at the sight before them.

 Everyone knew of the crush you guys had on each other. It was obvious. But the fact that you guys had never dated, even after high school, baffled them completely.

 Maybe tonight would change that?

 You couldn’t help the laughter that began escaping your lips as the chaos increased, Daichi had all but given up lecturing everyone and now sat beside Ennoshita.

 You were completely unaware of the way that Sugarawa had stiffened underneath you. The hands that were wrapped around your waist carefully began shifting you, so that you weren’t resting directly on his crotch anymore.

 He could feel the slight race of his heart, and - well - the rising in his pants. He prayed that you didn’t notice.

 But it was just Sugarawa’s luck.

 You could feel the heat in your face rising rapidly, your heart beating just a tad quicker as you felt a growing hardness against the curve of your ass.

 “Suga.” you whispered; your mouth felt incredibly dry right now. “Is that -” “I’m sorry Y/n.” he interrupted you. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” he said gently, attempting to move you off of his lap.

 You shook your head, waving him off. “I-It’s okay. Y-You don’t have to move me… unless you want to.”

 Both of you visibly froze at your words. Shit, maybe the liquid courage you had in your system made you too bold.

 “Okay.” he murmured, and carefully tugged you closer now. This caused your bottom to slide against his growing member as he attempted to adjust you comfortably on his lap now.

 Despite the growing tension and nerves between the two of you, you didn’t move. His arms were wrapped around your waist carefully, his chin returning to your shoulder as you guys continued watching your teammates/friends create havoc in the room.

 This felt natural, this felt… right. Being wrapped up in Sugawara’s arms was quite literally heaven on earth for you.

 His body heat felt extremely pleasant, despite how overheated you were feeling. The mouthwatering scent of his cologne filled your nose, you could feel his breath against your cheek as it stirred your hair, and the gentle rising and falling of his chest.

 “Kiyoko-san! Marry me!” Tanaka cried, reaching for the dark-haired female. 

 “Kiyoko-san is gonna marry me!” Noya said, shoving at his friend.

 This time it was Ennoshita that began yelling at them. 

 You could feel the rumble of Sugawara’s chest as he laughed quietly behind you. Unconsciously he pressed his face into your neck to muffle the noise. You gasped softly as you felt soft damp lips gently brush against your neck as he attempted to quiet his laughter.

 But he had heard the soft noise that escaped your mouth, his grip on you tightening just slightly.

 Sugawara couldn’t help but wonder what other noises you could make.

 This was definitely going to be a long night.

 ***

 All too soon the night had ended, but you found yourself being accompanied home by Sugawara. 

 He and the team were slightly worried about getting you home safely, considering that you were still a bit drunk, and lived the furthest away.

 But by the time you had gotten home you had sobered up dramatically, now you were just tired.

 “Would you like to come in for a bit?” you asked, gazing up at the male.

 His eyes searched your face for a moment before nodding. 

 Sugawara had been over to your home before, but for some reason it felt different. There was that slight thrill that you shouldn’t have invited him in, the air between you two still held that sexual tension.

 As you sat in the living room together, sipping on the tea you had made, it got worse.

 Should you… confess? Should you say something about earlier? 

 You were a grown ass woman for Christ sake, and you still couldn’t muster up the courage to tell your childhood friend that you’ve been in love with him since you were kids.

 “Y/n.” Sugawara said suddenly, pulling you from your brooding thoughts. He was staring at you seriously, shifting closer to you on the couch.

 “Y-Yes.” you answered back nervously, biting your bottom lip as you stared back. 

 “Can I… can I try something?” He asked softly, gently cupping the side of your face.

 Your lips parted at his sweet touch, nodding softly.

 And then he was kissing you. 

 It was gentle and sweet, his lips incredibly warm and soft as they moved carefully against yours.

 You melted against him, threading your fingers into his hair as the kiss deepened, the softness melting into something extremely passionate.

 You found yourself on your back, Sugawara hovering over your body. You could feel his hands sliding under your shirt, his soft fingers gently trailing upwards on your skin. His touch burned in a pleasant way, it left you breathless and trembling.

 A familiar burn began igniting in the lower pit of your stomach. 

 Until you felt him cup your breast carefully.

 An image you thought you had buried in the deepest pit of your memory came to the forefront of your mind, causing your body to break out in a cold sweat, you flinched hard and began shoving at Sugarawa, feeling trapped underneath his body.

 You yanked yourself away from him, feeling tears sting at the backs of your eyes as you sat up, carefully wrapping your arms around yourself.

 And then you froze, your eyes snapping over to Sugarawa who was staring at you in confusion and worry.

 “Y/n -” “I’m sorry!” you interrupted him, biting down the hysteria as you fought back the painful memories that wanted to invade your mind.

 “For what?” he asked gently, carefully moving closer to you, he gently placed a hand on your shoulder in comfort. “I shouldn’t have gone that far, I’m the one who should be apologizing.”

 You shook your head, wiping at the tears in your eyes. “You don’t need to apologize Suga… It wasn’t your fault.”

 “I find that hard to believe.” he said quietly, carefully moving the hair over your shoulder. “I shouldn’t have forced it, you should’ve told me no if you didn’t feel the same way.” he said, smiling sadly at you. “I should go.”

 Panic overtook your body and you grabbed his hand tightly, preventing him from leaving. “Don’t go!” you cried. “It’s not like that! I... I’ve liked you for a while now Suga. Please don’t go.”

 His eyes widened at your sudden confession, and then softened dramatically as he took in your hysterical form.

 “Well what’s going on. Talk to me.” he murmured, taking your hand in his. His thumb rubbing soothing circles on the top of your hand.

 You could feel your heart racing in fear, if you told him would he leave you? Would he be sickened by you? Knowing that you were broken, tainted. 

 “Hey.” he lifted your chin, forcing your eyes to look at him. His expression was soft and sweet, understanding. “I’m not going anywhere. Talk to me. Let me take care of you.” he breathed, his thumb gently dragging against the bottom of your lip. “You’ve been in my life since we were kids. I’d like you to be in my life more than that now. So please… just talk to me.”

 The sincerity in his voice, in his face, sent warmth throughout your entire being. It sent away the coldness that you felt creeping into your heart.

 “My first boyfriend…” you said quietly after a moment of silence. “He wasn’t… he wasn’t always so nice to me. Of course, no one knew.”

 Sugawara stayed silent. 

 “His touch wasn’t like yours. It wasn’t wanted at all. But it happened…” you trailed off, lips trembling slightly at the memories.

 Sugawara inhaled sharply at your words, anger piercing into his heart. He remembered that boyfriend, he had almost lost his friendship with you because of that guy. The volleyball team almost lost one of their precious managers because of that guy.

 “It was never good… he was so rough and… it always hurt. I -um - I haven’t… been with someone like that since it happened.” you finished, blinking back tears. “But… if it means that you’ll keep liking me… then I don’t mind…” you trailed off.

 Sugawara had never been more upset in his entire life. Just the idea of someone touching you without you wanting them to, hurting you intentionally… he couldn’t even fathom it. Couldn’t even begin to sort out the rage that he felt.

 But this wasn’t about him. This was about you. This was about making sure that you were taken care of, that your needs were being met.

 He carefully tugged you onto his lap, gently cupping your face as he stared at you with such an intensity it left you breathless.

 “Darling, don’t you ever, ever, say that.” he breathed out, the anger in his eyes simmering down to something sad and soft. “I would never put you in a situation where you ever had to feel that… that the only way to keep me is by…” he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment.

 He took a shuddering breath in before opening his eyes and continuing. “I don’t want to do anything that you don’t want to do. All I want from this… is to make you feel loved and happy. I’ve waited years to hear that you like me too. And now that I know you feel the same way… I just want to make you happy.” 

 He rested his forehead against yours tenderly, your eyes fluttering shut automatically. 

 “So, we don’t have to do anything that you aren’t ready for yet.” he finished. “But if you do… I can promise you that I will make you feel good… I’ll always make you feel good. Okay?” he asked, his hand gently cupping the back of your neck.

 He stared at you with so much love and adoration, it caused your heart to clench tightly, the fear and worry dissolving from your body and replaced with a feeling of warmth and safety.

 “Suga.” you whispered softly, “I want… I want to try. Please?” 

 He nodded before leaning forward and pressing a soft kiss against your lips. The kiss you two began to share never escalated to something that you couldn’t handle, it remained sweet and tender. An unspoken promise of never-ending gentleness.

 Before you knew it, both of your guys’ clothes had found their way to the floor, you had ended up in your bedroom, entangling yourselves on the bed.

 “You’re perfect.” Sugawara breathed, his eyes dancing across your naked body. He was rock hard already, but right now his priority was you. It was always going to be you.

 “Can I touch you?” he asked sweetly, gazing at your face with a loving expression.

 You nodded, swallowing thickly as his fingers began dancing across your skin, to your most intimate area.

 Sugawara watched your expression closely as he trailed his fingers over your mound, brushing softly at the top of your slit. He watched as yours fluttered shut in pleasure, his fingers gently running up and down against your soaked entrance.

 “You’re so wet for me.” He breathed in awe, carefully pushing a finger in. You gasped at the unfamiliar intrusion, but then began to melt. You were actually starting to feel good. 

 It didn’t take long until you were trembling and whimpering in pleasure at his gentle touches. Sugawara cooing to you about how beautiful you were and how well you were doing the entire time.

 Without any warning you began unraveling beneath him, the tight coil in your stomach snapping, you moaned loudly as the pleasure overtook your body. Leaving you a trembling mess as you came down from your high.

 Sugawara couldn’t tear his eyes away. You were fucking beautiful, and the fact that he was able to give you so much pleasure, the fact that he was the first one to ever give that kind of pleasure, well, he had never been more satisfied in his entire life. 

 “Do you want more?” he asked softly. You nodded in a daze, but that previous fire began igniting once more at the thought of Sugawara giving you more.

 “Can we try something?” he asked, his fingers rubbing softly at your hip. 

 “Okay.” you whispered. He tugged your body in a sitting position before laying down beside you. His member standing up painfully tall, aching for attention, for relief.

 But again, this wasn’t about him. This was about you. Which was why he wanted to do it this way. He wanted you to set the pace, wanted you to take control, wanted you to feel in control of this situation.

 “Ride me.” He breathed gazing at you with half lidded eyes. “I’m all yours.”

 Something deep within your belly twisted pleasantly at his words, and carefully you climbed on top of him, your hands resting on his strong chest as you stabilized yourself. 

 You could feel his cock brushing against your entrance, causing you to gasp loudly at the feeling. His hands rested lightly on your hips as you settled yourself and then you began sinking down on him and -

 Holy Fuck. 

 The stretch that Sugawara provided left you breathless as you sunk all the down, his cock completely engulfed in your velvety walls.

 You sat still as you began to adjust to the size of him, to the new intrusion. Your gaze found Sugawara's face and your tight walls seized up in desperation.

 His eyes were closed shut, his mouth parted in deep pleasure as he felt your walls squeeze him deliciously.

 You were warm, and you were so fucking wet. 

 “You… can�� ngh… you can move if you want.” Sugawara groaned out, his eyes fluttering open. He could’ve cum at the mere sight of you, sitting on top of him, looking absolutely sinful with how beautiful you were.

 You started biting your lower lip as you began to move, gliding your hips up and down and - oh. It’s never… it’s never felt like this before. Pleasure began rippling through you as you slid up and down Sugawara’s cock. 

 Soft zaps of pleasure shooting up your spine. Sugarawa’s hands were resting on your hips, helping to guide you up and down. He knew he wasn’t going to last long, not with the sounds escaping your lips and your sweet expression that was twisted in pleasure.

 “I got you.” he breathed out. “I can feel it… just let go. I got you. Cum for me darling.” you were drastically getting tighter and tighter, your body readying yourself for another orgasm.

 So, you did.

 The euphoria that erupted within your body had you gasping for breath, your entire lower body locking down, causing Sugawara to release himself deep inside of you.

 He moaned your name out loudly, carefully bucking his hips up as he spilled into you. 

 You collapsed onto his chest, both of you trying to catch your breath. He gently began pushing your hair to the side, his hands rubbing up and down your back. Sugawara pressed a gentle kiss to the top of your head as you murmured his name softly against his neck.

 “Sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up. Just sleep.” he cooed.

 You could feel your eyes fluttering shut at his warm touch and softly spoken words, you had never been more comfortable, more content, in your entire life until now. 

 You weren’t sure what was going to happen when you woke up, but one thing that you were sure of, was that you were hopelessly in love with Sugawara.

[diwatera]

LGBTQ+ Movies I Watched Recently (Part 2)

Happiest Season (2020) dir. Clea DuVall

Short Summary: Abby plans on proposing to Harper when they visit Harper’s family for the holidays. Her plans get derailed when she learns that Harper hasn’t come out to her family yet.

Why you should watch it: Not gonna lie, Mackenzie Davis drew me to this movie; I’ve been in love with her ever since San Junipero came out. Add Kristen Stewart, Aubrey Plaza and Dan Levy to the mix and I’m sold. If you want a sapphic romance with a happy ending, this one’s for you. 

Été 85 (2020) dir.  François Ozon

Short Summary: Alexis recounts his six-week love affair with David during the summer of ‘85. 

Why you should watch it: If you love 80s aesthetic and music, you definitely should watch this. The movie made me nostalgic of that decade and I wasn’t even alive back then! It’s a whirlwind summer romance reminiscent of Call Me by Your Name but with a more devastating twist.

Getting Go: The Go Doc Project (2013) dir. Cory James Krueckeberg

Short Summary: An obsessed college boy pursues his internet crush through the pretext of making a documentary about him.

Why you should watch it: The script and the acting are the one-two punch of this film. The writing is incredibly genuine, and both of the actors’ performances made the lines feel even more natural. I’m not the biggest fan of mockumentary-style films, but this one felt like it was a recording of my own life. Hyper-obsessive college grad with a Tumblr blog? Might as well have called out half the population of this damn site.

Pihalla (2017) dir. Nils-Erik Ekblom

Short Summary: Miku and Elias find themselves, and each other, during a summer in the Finnish countryside.

Why you should watch it: I’m a sucker for gays in the countryside™ and although this one is not quite up there with God’s Own Country and Call Me by Your Name, it still makes for a good watch. Miku as a character and his relationship with his parents was chaotic and fun. His relationship with Elias felt really natural and dreamy. 

You, Me and Him (2017) dir. Daisy Aitkens

Short Summary: Olivia, a mature responsible lawyer, wants to have a baby, but her girlfriend Alex isn’t ready for the responsibility. Things get even more complicated when their flirty neighbour, John, joins the picture. 

Why you should watch it: It is one of the most feel-good lesbian romcoms I have seen in a while. But I warn you, there are some dark parts that can really sneak up on you. Yeah, it’s hilarious, but damn it made me ugly cry, too. Oh, and if you want to see David Tennant as an alpha male douchebag, here’s your chance. (CW: **spoiler alert** p̶r̶e̶g̶n̶a̶n̶c̶y̶ ̶l̶o̶s̶s̶ )

Giant Little Ones (2018) dir. Keith Behrman 

Short Summary: Franky and Ballas have been best friends since childhood, both on the swimming team, both incredibly popular. But after an incident during Franky’s birthday, they quickly fall apart and Franky falls from grace.

Why you should watch it: I think the film captures just how tumultuous coming-of-age stories are. Franky is going through his own journey of self-identity, and I’m happy that the movie didn’t rush in with labels. The conversation Franky has with his dad at the end also hits hard.  (CW: physical assault, allusions to sexual assault)

Our Love Story (2016) dir. HyunJu Lee

Short Summary: A fine arts student meets an attractive bartender, and the two women begin an intimate relationship.

Why you should watch it: It’s a very intimate love story that isn’t rushed or dragged out for too long. We definitely see Yoon-Jo and Ji-Soo’s relationship bloom from start to end, but it’s not mind-numbingly boring to watch. Raw and unembellished, I definitely recommend this to anyone looking for a realistic portrayal of wlw romance.

Die Mitte der Welt (2016) dir. Jakob M. Erwa

Short Summary: The film follows Phil and his relationship with his family, his best friend, and a newcomer at his school, Nicholas.

Why you should watch it: This is technically a second watch for me, and I’m glad I rewatched it, because I was able to catch some glaring red flags that I missed the first time. I love this movie in spite of all the heartache it caused me. The story, especially the deal with Phil’s family, struck a chord in me. And the shots! Visually stunning as well! 

Les Amours Imaginaires (2010) dir. Xavier Dolan

Short Summary: Marie and Francis’ friendship is put to the test when a beautiful boy called Nicolas comes between them. 

Why you should watch it: Watch it for the visuals -- the colors, the costumes, the cast. Seriously, the actors included here may as well be kept in the Louvre: Xavier Dolan, Neils Schneider, Monia Chokri, hell, even a cameo from Louis Garrel! Dolan said it himself that this is a shallow film, but it’s worth the watch just to see Neils Schneider wearing heart-shaped glasses.

Closet Monster (2015)  dir. Stephen Dunn

Short Summary: A creative and driven teenager is desperate to escape his hometown and the haunting memories of his turbulent childhood.

Why you should watch it: Right off the bat, I am going to say that this film is dark. I tried watching it back in college but tapped out within the first ten minutes because something traumatic happens. Then I tried again about a week ago, finished it this time. It’s actually a very moving film. It’s violent and gory in some parts, but also ridiculous and wholesome in other parts. IT HAS A TALKING HAMSTER NAMED BUFFY! BUFFY WAS THE STAR OF THIS MOVIE FOR ME. (CW: gay bashing/sexual assault)

Straight Up (2020) dir. James Sweeney

Short Summary: Todd and Rory are intellectual soul mates. He might be gay but she might not care.

Why you should watch it: The dialogue in this film is undeniably sharp and witty. Loved the fast-paced back and forth between the two main characters as they discuss relationships, sex, gender, and more. James Sweeney and Katie Findlay’s chemistry just pulled you into the screen. It was funny, it was sweet, it was heartwrenching, it was great! (CW: allusions to sexual assault)

Latter Days (2003) dir. C. Jay Cox

Short Summary: A promiscuous gay party animal falls for a young Mormon missionary, leading to crisis, cliché, and catastrophe.

Why you should watch it: I saw this in santiagonex’s top 20 LGBTQ+ films with happy endings, and I honestly thought it was gonna be a feel-good watch. Instead, I got a rollercoaster melodrama filled with early 2000s gay culture, religious guilt, buttcheeks, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Needless to say, I got more than I bargained for. (CW: self-harm, conversion therapy)

The Old Guard (2020) dir. Gina Prince-Blythewood

Short Summary:  A covert team of immortal mercenaries are suddenly exposed and must now fight to keep their identity a secret just as an unexpected new member is discovered.

Why you should watch it: Okay, I was debating whether I should include this here, because it’s not necessarily an LGBTQ+ film as much as it is an action film with queer characters. I decided to include it, because JESUS! I have never seen such respectful and well-written representation of queer characters and relationships. Joe and Nicky are the most unproblematic couple in history. PERIOD. Pray for sequels, everyone. This is the kind of representation we deserve in mainstream media. 

. . .

Click here for more LGBTQ+ film recs

[downwiththeficness]

A Need So Great Chapter 12

Summary: Eva Moore is assigned to work the last year of her contract with the DEA in Colombia. She just wants to get to the end of her tenure, but she keeps getting drawn further into a string of murders in the city. It isn’t long before she’s forced to face the ghosts of her past.

Word Count: ~4,000

Warnings: Smut

A/N: For the purposes of this story, Carrillo isn’t married--or, if you like, divorced. A/B/O dynamics are prevalent, and they come with their own warning. The overall rating for this story is Explicit, although not every chapter will contain adult themes.

Taglist: @dirtynerdy98 @1zashreena1 @heresathreebee @deliciouslyclassytrash @maybege @kid-from-new-zealand @clydesducktape @revolution-starter @autumnleaves1991-blog @jedi-mando @buckysalefty

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 8.5, 9, 10, 10.5, 11, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21

Eva woke desperately needing to pee. She was laying on her back, hands on either side of her head. Horacio’s arm was thrown over her waist, his body angled towards her. She looked over at him, his face completely relaxed, breaths slow and even. A beautiful man laying in repose.

Very carefully, she extricated herself from him, padding to the bathroom. Afterwards, as she was washing her hands, Eva flinched at her reflection in the mirror. Bruises had formed over her hips, on her thighs, around her wrists. He’d sucked hickeys over her stomach and breasts. When she turned, her back was similarly marked.  At her neck was a clear bite, just over the scent gland behind her ear.

She ran two fingers over it, the skin sensitive and warm. Eva wasn’t sure he knew what he was doing at the time, knew the consequences of this actions. She stared at it, feeling flushed.

Hands on the counter, Eva debated her options.  She could try to hide it, but experience taught her that Horacio was nothing if not observant.  She could sneak out, but she’d run the risk of implying she was unhappy with the bonding mark on her neck. The truth was quite the opposite. She tamped down the excitedly happy feeling, trying not to get ahead of herself.

Turning off the lights, Eva gingerly opened the door and crawled back into the bed, hauling the comforter with her from where it had been kicked off in the night. Horacio grumbled as she slid in next to him, hands already pulling her into his chest, a sleepy kiss touching her brow. Eva smiled and snuggled down, falling back asleep.

When she woke again, she was alone. The bed was still warm, but he wasn’t there. Groggy, she scooted  to standing and dug through her overnight bag, pulling on a t shirt and shorts. With a yawn, she headed to the bathroom, brushed her teeth, and stopped herself from pulling her hair up.  Probably best that she leave it down for the moment.

Rubbing at her eyes, she stepped out into the hall and towards the living room, searching. He was sitting on the couch, head in his hands. He’d donned a pair of sweatpants, and even from a distance she could see that she’d scratched him across the arms, parallel red lines running from his tricep down around to the bend of his elbow.

A kind of tentative self consciousness settled over her.  She’d been worried about the way her body looked, she hadn’t stopped to consider what she’d done to him.

As if sensing her, his head lifted and he fixed her with a hard gaze.  Eva bit her lip, unsure in her approach.

“How did you sleep?” she tried, remaining in the doorway.

His eyes softened, “Good. Really good.”

Lifting a hand, he reached out to her.  Relieved, Eva shuffled towards him, taking it. He pulled her to sit next to him. Eva went willingly, settling in and pulling her knees beneath her. They sat in silence for a few moments, and Eva could feel the tension in him.

“We need to talk about this,” he said finally.

Eva looked up at him, “About what?”

“This,” he touched the side of her neck, just below where he’d marked her.

She inhaled sharply, her eyes falling to half mast as the sensation lanced through her body. It would be like that until he finished the bond, every caress met with an urgent push of desire.

“What about it?”

Scoffing, he dropped his hand, eyes rolling, “This is serious, Eva.”

She knew this, “I know.”

God, but it was serious. She knew it. And yet, she couldn’t drudge up the ire she should definitely be feeling for what had happened. She didn’t want to.

“Then treat it seriously.”

Eva wasn’t quite prepared for the anger that traveled throughout his tone. Insecurities that she had worked to overcome reared up and it took a moment for her to realize that he was waiting for her to say something.

Looking at her hands, she said, “I don’t know how you want me to react.”

Sighing, he stood, pacing away from her a few steps, hands running through his hair, “I want you to react honestly.”

No, you don’t, Eva thought. He wanted her to be angry, to cry, to feel badly about it. He wanted her to feel like he felt. It hurt, that conclusion. She felt pressure in her chest as she tried not to cry. This was not going well. No. Fuck that. She wasn’t going to be cowed by her own insecurities in this. She could tell the truth.

“I’m fine,” read: ecstatic, “About it.”

He repeated the word ‘fine’, hands on his hips. She couldn’t quite decipher his expression, it was so closed off. Months had passed since she had felt this kind of distance between them—like he had been when they were first circling around each other.”

“Eva, you should be pressing charges. I initiated a bond without your permission.”

She shrugged, “I wasn’t saying no.”

“You weren’t saying yes,” he countered, growing agitated, “We didn’t talk about it first.”

Again, she shrugged, “I’m not angry about it.”

“Well, I am,” he bit out, jaw tight.

She looked away, the slow, fervent hope that she’d tried so hard to keep at bay dissipating like fog in sunlight. Eyes closed, Eva leaned back on old defense strategies, wiping her slate clean and shutting away the situation in front of her.

“No,” he muttered, hustling towards her and kneeling down, hands on her knees, “No, don’t do that. I didn’t mean it.”

Eva’s mouth thinned, “You did.”

“Not that way,” he clarified, his chest pressing against her shins.

The way he was looking at her, that beseeching expression, the way his hands dropped and circled her ankles. Eva didn’t know how to deal with knowing he was angry and seeing him looking at her so intently.

“Then, how did you mean it?”

His lips parted, and she could see how difficult it was for him to find the words, his brows drawing together.

“I took away your choice.”

Eva blinked, “You didn’t.”

With a little laugh and condescension in his tone, he replied, “I was in rut, Eva. You couldn’t have stopped me.”

Her mouth curled, “You don’t know that.”

Licking his lips, he dropped his chin, eyes narrow, “In all the years I’ve been on the job, I’ve never—never—had sex on duty. Not once. And not only did I break that record, I did it in my office with other officers in the building.”

Eva chuckled, running her fingers over his cheek, “Most of them were gone. It was extremely unlikely that we would get caught.”

His eyes closed, he took a breath, then fixed her with a level glare, “That is not the point.”

She turned her hand over in question, “Explain it to me.”

“I lost control,” he answered, his voice cracking. His hands rose to her knees tightening and releasing as he said it, as if to emphasize his words.

Eva gave him a soft, understanding look, “That’s normal for a rut.”

Horacio shook his head, “Not for me.”

She gave him a disbelieving look, “Really?”

He frowned, “You think I haven’t had a rut before? You think I haven’t had one with an omega? I have, and I have never…” he paused, the words hanging between them. Then, he visibly switched gears, “When I saw you standing at my desk, that was it. It was over. I don’t know what I would have done if you told me no.”

She smiled a little, joking, “I’m not that kind of tease.”

Shaking his head, he continued, “I don’t know what I would have done if you said no and meant it.”

And there it was. They’d gone full fucking circle. Their first real conversation outside of the prying ears of others echoing all the way to this exact moment. Except now, she could see that he wasn’t afraid of scaring her.  He was afraid of scaring himself. This was a man with one foot in the darkness, who was constantly on guard against dropping both feet in. She could work with that.

“I didn’t say no, and I’m not saying no, now. If things… go pear shaped, we both still have a choice.”

She watched him process what she was saying.  Although, he’d started the bonding process through the bite that scored the skin over her scent gland, they could still make the decision to stop it. Eva would have to go through one more heat by herself. It would be painful, far more painful than the one she’d just experienced, because her body knew at its very core that there was an alpha she could go to. But, she would do it, if he asked.

Horacio went very still, his expression stormy, mouth thin in displeasure. She bit back the urge to keep talking, unsure. And then he was moving, lifting up off the floor, pushing her into the back of the couch. His hand wrapped around the base of her throat, the meat of his palm resting on her collarbone. He wasn’t squeezing, but his grip brooked no argument. She was not to move.

“If you think I’m going to let you go through a heat without me, especially now, you are mistaken.”

He already had, but he didn’t know that—she may never tell him.

Eva floundered, “I...I mean—I can’t ask you to...”

He growled, hauling her up to stand on the couch. She wobbled, looking down at him, her hands on his shoulders for balance.

“The second,” he enunciated slow, “The second I sense you’re in heat, I will be on you. God help us if it starts in the embassy.  We’ll be lucky if I don’t knot you in the fucking supply closet.”

Eva gasped, scandalized. Although everyone was taught the basics of pair bonding, it still wasn’t talked about so plainly. The image of them lying on the cold tiled floor, helplessly grabbing at each other, him grinding up into her to slot that thick ridge of flesh into her body—she was pretty sure she was blushing all over.

Horacio smiled, full dimpled, his hands sliding up her legs to palm her ass, “If I could have done it last night, I would have.” He pressed his nose to her sternum, “For a moment, I thought I might. You were so hot and wet and smelled so good. Fuck, I’ve never been that hard.”

His arms tightened as he took her weight, carrying her from the living room towards the bedroom. Eva moaned as she felt his erection pressed against her center. He laid her down in the middle of the bed, pulling off her t shirt and shorts, throwing them over the side. There was no way to hide the marks now, the bruises shadowing over her skin in the morning light. Eva watched him look at her body, his expression unreadable.  

“Do you hurt?” he asked, eyes catching hers.

Eva did hurt. She was sore in all the right places, little twinges that reminded her constantly of their night together.

“A little,” she answered, her voice low.

He nodded silently, fingers tracing over a particularly deep hickey on her breast.  Then, he moved down to her belly, where there was bruising the fit the shape of his hand.  He mapped it, fitting his hands over the marks, brows together.  Eva squirmed a little, thinking that she should be used to this kind of scrutiny from him by now.  The frank assessment and cataloging of her injuries felt like a new experience every time. Anxiously, she awaited whatever judgment he might make.

Crawling up to lay beside her, Horacio nosed along her collarbone, whispering, “Let me make it up to you.”

Eva rolled to her side, facing him. She placed her hand on his shoulder, rubbing gently, “You don’t have to apologize.”

He shook his head, a curl falling over his brow, “I want to. Will you let me?”

Unable to deny him such a sweet thing, Eva nodded, leaning over to kiss him lightly. He sighed into it, hand falling naturally to her waist as he gathered her to him. More little kisses followed, a bare taste of what she knew he was capable of.  Eva felt her body go lax, her limbs resting wherever he moved them, her eyes half closed.

Very carefully, he tilted her head back, his mouth tracing a long line from her shoulder to the place where he’d bitten her. She knew it was tender and raw, likely a little swollen—her heartbeat pulsing beneath the skin. Here, he placed the softest kiss of all, barely brushing his lips over it. Eva’s fingers curled into her palm as she trembled.

“I would do it again,” he breathed, a little prayer against her skin, “I would.”

She knew how much that confession cost him, knew it without him having to say a word. Eva’s eyes closed, a strange feeling welling up.  It was something more than affection, more than want or need. It sent a weird kind of pain into her chest that was only soothed by pulling him into a hug, her face pressed against his chest.

“Lay back.”

Eva let him roll her to her back, watching his hand as it smoothed a path down the middle of her chest, settling on the soft roundness of her belly. He kissed her brow, letting his forehead press to her temple as he, too, followed the course his hand was taking.

Slowly, gingerly, he swept over her hips and down her thighs, opening them with just a little pressure. He thumbed the bony outcrop of her hip, sliding one finger down the crease where her thigh met it. Eva bit her lip, trying to keep her breathing even.

The backs of his fingers roved upwards, circling her breast, pinching her nipple between his thumb and forefinger.  Eva felt her breath leave her in a soft gasp, the feeling oozing from her nipple down to her core. Warmth spread across her skin, goosebumps not far behind.

Leaning down, he sucked the nipple he wasn’t playing with into his mouth, teeth scraping. Eva arched up in offering, a soft little cry escaping her lips. She held him there, one hand in his hair, the other digging into his shoulder—not that she needed to. He seemed perfectly happy to stay right where he was, moving from breast to breast, tongue gliding over her skin.

It wasn’t long before she was squeezing her legs together, the ache in her body rising past her want to keep still and open for him. Horacio lifted up, admiring the way her skin glistened from his kisses. Eyes dark, he tapped the leg nearest to him, a wordless command.

Eva let her hips relax and her knees open wide. He smiled at her, pleased, the pads of his fingers roaming up her inner thigh until they rested against her.

“You’ll tell me if it hurts.”

Not a question. His voice had dropped down an octave, the directive clear and concise.  Eva would not be able to deny him, not in this, either. Using ever increasing pressure, he spread her slick up and down. Meticulously, he separated each lip, gathering the wetness and ensuring there was a nice, easy coating. Eva’s limbs flinched each time he circled upwards to round her clit, not quite touching the sensitive bundle of nerves.

Slipping down, he circled her opening, much as he had done the previous evening. A slow, even pace, Horacio took his time with it. Pleasure surged every time he put a little bit more pressure on it, not quite breaching.

Eva whined, tilting her hips as she tried to get him to go just a little bit further. It would do no good, she knew that.  He was going to do what he was going do, at the pace he wanted to do it. It was a stark contrast to the previous night, where his body had taken over completely, an animal loosed on her. Now, he’d regained control and it appeared that he was determined to keep it.

She bit her lip, fighting the urge to grab at his wrist, to hold him steady and drive down onto his fingers.  This was as much for him as it was for her, and though she wasn’t nearly as patient, she could try. That didn’t mean that she was perfectly abiding by his unsaid plan. Eva rolled with every stroke, moaning and writhing as the pleasure built.

Horacio was definitely not unaffected.  His erection dug into her side, though she could tell he was making an effort to keep from grinding it against her. Eva had tried to touch him a few times, but he pushed her hands away, his focus entirely on her.

When finally, finally, he eased a finger into her, Eva keened as if he’d worked his cock into her, the muscles of her body clenching down. He paused, thumb swiping ever so softly against her clit, his eyes on her face. He watched her breathe, her eyes squinting at the pain laced pleasure he was giving her.

“Do you want me to stop?”

He’d asked the same question the night before, only this time he wasn’t smirking.  Looking concerned, he waited for her answer, hand perfectly still inside her.

“No,” Eva replied, swallowing around a dry throat.

After another beat, he huffed out a breath through his nose, his wrist turning as he eased the digit in and out of her, curling it slightly to catch on her g spot every time he pulled out. Eva felt her eyes roll back as he pushed another finger into her, stroking along her walls.

His name coming out in four sharp syllables, Eva grabbed at the pillow beneath her head. She was exhausted and sore and she still wanted to come.  Digging her feet into the mattress, Eva met his measured thrusts, a little ‘unh, unh, unh’ eeking out with every one.

Breaths stuttering, her body flexed, bowing up as she came. He cooed at her, his free hand pushing the hair from her face as he kissed everywhere he could reach. Eva had a hard time catching her breath, her body shivering despite the heat of him laying next to her.

“Alright?” he asked, looking her over.

Blinking, she smiled at him, lifting up to kiss him soundly on the mouth, “I’m good.”

Glancing down, she realized that he was still hard, tenting the material of his sweatpants. When she went to stroke him, he caught her hand, bringing it up to his lips to give it a soft kiss of censure.

“That was for you,” he explained, shifting to his back and pulling her over to lay against his chest.

They laid like that for an hour or so, until her stomach growled. He laughed and swatted her thigh lightly, telling her to get dressed and that he was taking her to lunch. Not far from his house, there was a little cafe, the smell of food wafting out into the street. Eva was surprised when he set her down into a chair next to him rather than across from him, as he usually did. She was even more surprised when he held her hand on the table.

He caught her questioning gaze, “Its impossible to hide, now. Anyone would be able to tell the second they got into a room with us.”

That...was not untrue. He’d started the mating process, and their bodies would continue to adjust and change to that process the longer it went on. Even after the bite healed, she’d carry his scent just as much as he would carry hers.

“I...have to broach the subject of safety, Eva,” he started, “I’d like to put an officer on you, at least when I’m not there.”

Eva rolled her eyes, “Is that necessary?”

He bobbed his head, “It is. I do have a bounty on my head, and they aren’t above using people I care about to…”

His words trailed off, but Eva knew what he was getting at. She could be used as bait, to get him to act, to scare him, to get him to do what they wanted.  Sighing, she nodded, not willing to fight with him about it, knowing that she wouldn’t win, anyways.

They were almost through with their meal when Eva spotted her, a tall, willowy blonde walking in heels too tall a stroll through this kind of neighborhood.  Her fork clattered to her plate, startling the man next to her. He followed her line of sight, squinting.

Eva could not be lucky enough that she wouldn’t be seen, and her heart nearly surged out of her chest as the object of her ire saw her, scowled, and changed course. She stood, circling around the table to meet her.

“Hello, Myra,” she greeted, not quite keeping her voice even.

Myra had aged a little in the fifteen years since she’d last seen her, though her plastic surgeon was doing a remarkable job at keeping her looking young. She tugged off her sunglasses and regarded Eva balefully.

“Evangeline. Funny meeting you here.”

Yes, funny meeting you on a road scarcely visited by tourists, in another county, in another fucking hemisphere.

“Life is funny sometimes,” Eva responded, a rasp in her voice.

Myra glanced behind Eva, and she could see the woman assessing Horacio, her upper lip curling.

“I see you’ve found yourself someone to clean up after you.”

She would not rise to the bait.  She’d done that enough when she was fourteen. Eva was an adult and would act like one.

“I don’t think that’s any of your business. Not anymore.”

Myra glared, jaw ticking, “It is my business. It will always be my business. You killed my boy. And, here you are, eating lunch on a sunny afternoon while he rots.”

Eva took several deep breaths, trying to keep herself calm, “I moved on, Myra.  You should, too.”

Pointing a finger at her, Myra growled, “It should have been you.”

A glint caught Eva’s eye and she glanced down to find that Myra was wearing her fucking wedding ring and engagement band on her first finger, the stones shining. The audacity of wearing the symbol of everything that had hurt her for seven long years broke something inside. She bared her teeth.

“No,” she spit, “You knew what he was. You raised him to be a disgusting, abusive prick. You watched him beat me after that dinner party and you did nothing! There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t fucking rejoice that I killed your psychopath of a son.”

The slap, when it came, was expected.  Eva’s head whipped to the side and she heard the scratch of the chair as Horacio stood.  Quickly, she held a hand up, silently begging him to stand down. She watched Myra watch him, her mouth smirking.

“Like mother, like son,” she said, taking a step away and wiping at her mouth. She wasn’t bleeding, but the skin was smarting.

Myra drew back, gripping her handbag.

Sneering, Eva simply said, “Go back to whatever you were doing. You’re not wanted, here.”

Myra’s scowl deepened for a moment, and then she was smiling the smile she used when she was dealing with a particularly distasteful dinner guest.

“Until next time.”

Eva watched her march down the street until she turned a corner, her blonde hair swinging behind her. She didn’t look back, and Eva didn’t know how she would react if she had. Her teeth hurt from clenching her jaw so hard.

Hands touched her shoulders in question. Eva reached up and covered them, sniffing back the tears.

“I want to go home.”

He was already moving, “I’ll get the check.”

[solari-writes-things]

Bombshell

!! revamped !!

Solari Says: I am slowly picking at remastering the old prompts from my previous blog, since the remainder of my requests are mostly smut and that just isn’t the way to go right now. OC is my own.

Imagine: OC telling Happy she’s pregnant.

Happy Lowman x OC

WARNINGS: Language

translations below

gif isn’t mine, credited below!

SoA tag list: @thebookishfeminist​ | @sazafraz​​ | @crimsonheart01​​ | @kind-wolf​ @tsumethedrifter​ |​ @chibsytelford​​ | @supervalcsi​​ (To be added to the tag list, please message me, or comment below!)

REQUESTS CLOSED

Yvonne could feel her stomach turning as she remained seated in the bathroom of Diosa Norte, refraining from doing anything that could push her further into the panic that was beginning to boil up in the pit of her stomach. The last few weeks had remained chaotic for SAMCRO, and they were showing no signs of slowing down.

So learning this newfound information, presented to her by the double lines painted on the small window of the pregnancy test, was something that sent her mind into spirals.

It wasn’t that she was afraid of bringing up a child in this sort of situation. It was more of the uncertainty she felt on her own accord. She wasn’t sure if she would be a viable mother, or if Happy had even taken any interest in having a kid.

She lets out a shaky breath, beginning the process of properly cleaning up after herself. Once she does, she spins the toilet paper roll around the test carefully so she could throw it away. Standing and flushing the toilet, she tosses the pregnancy test in the trash sitting in the corner of the room before washing her hands.

She looked at herself in the mirror while doing so, checking her features to make sure she didn’t look disheveled before heading back out to her job. She exhales once more, so her breathing could even out. She feels her erratic heart rate begin to slow, taking that as the sign to turn off the water and dry her hands off.

She looks down at herself, fixing the red form-fitting dress that she donned. She gives herself a quick once over once the immediate signs of negativity were smoothed out, nodding to herself before opening the restroom door and joining the rest of the girls out on the main floor.

She puts on her best grin, greeting a gentleman who had pushed inside of the building and handed him a drink menu so he wouldn’t have to traverse to the bar that was partially full. She doesn’t take notice to her uncle Nero, who had walked up to join her for a moment before he had to go finish more paperwork.

“¿Todo bien, mija?” he asked her, which causes her to startle and spin around quickly.

When she realized it was just him, she pressed a hand over her chest to ensure that her heart wouldn’t jump out. “Después de experimentar insuficiencia cardíaca.”

Nero smiles at that notion, holding up both of his hands. “Lo siento. But really. Is everything alright with you?”

Von dropped her hand once she felt her heart rate even. “That’s a debatable question, Nero. What’s up?”

“Cause you been ojos saltones since you came from your trip from the baño,” he told her, his tone simple. “You know you can talk to me about shit, right?”

Von purses her lips and averts her eyes for a split second, before connecting once more to Nero. “I... could run something by you really quick.”

Nero nods his head and curls his forearm up so his hand was in front of him. He waves his fingers to gesture Yvonne to follow him, and when she joined him at his side he slung an arm around her shoulders.

Immediately, Yvonne could feel the familial comfort creep through her system as they stepped through the crowded room and into the empty Diosa Norte kitchen. She felt a twinge of sadness when he dropped his arm, in much need of that sort of comfort at the moment. He spun himself around so he was looking at her, leaning back against a stable surface and crossing his arms over his chest. “What’s on your mind?”

“I’m pregnant,” she immediately spilled, now that she was out of earshot of anyone else who had been on staff.

Nero seemed to shake his head a bit in shock, blinking his eyes at her. “Wait, wait, wait. ¿Embarazada? That was definitely something I wasn’t expecting to hear out of you.”

Von let out a nervous chuckle, folding her arms over her chest as she felt herself grow a bit smaller the longer the word sat in the air between them. “Yeah... It wasn’t something I expected out of myself, really.”

“Does Happy know?” he questioned. “Or was that the trip you made in the bathroom?”

“That was the trip,” Yvonne stated, one of her arms coming up and touching the spade tattoo that sat at the side of her neck. “I have no fucking clue how to tell him, tío. I don’t even think he wanted to have a kid in the first place.”

“Have you had that conversation with him?” Nero inquired, hands still folded over his chest.

Von doesn’t entertain with a verbal answer, just a quick shake of her head.

“Then that’s something you two have to figure out, no? Talk it over, mija, Happy’s not nonsensical,” he says, giving her an assuring smile.

That sort of comment held a lot of merit to Yvonne. Considering her upbringing, and Nero’s talent of seeing people for who they really were, she held his opinion highly. So when he seemed so relaxed about something that seemed so grave to her, it caused her to calm just a bit. She nods her head, turning her head to the entrance of the hall that led to the kitchen when she heard the boys sounding off in the distance.

SAMCRO had stepped into the building. Happy had to be with them, considering she was on shift today.

She turns to Nero once more, offering him a nervous but kind smile. “Thanks, Uncle. I’ll let you know what happens, okay?”

Nero observes her expression once again, trying to ensure that she was okay without pressing too much further. He nods his head after a couple seconds of silence, pushing himself straight before moving out of the kitchen to go grab Happy.

She could hear Nero speak, telling Happy that she was sitting in the kitchen. No details, just the basics.

She had been hoping she would remain calm when Hap had turned the corner, but her heart had other plans. It practically leaped out of her chest when he turned the corner, giving her a half smile as he approached.

“Hey, babe,” he greeted simply, placing a gentle hand at her waist and connecting a kiss to her forehead.

She smiles a bit at the intimacy, chuckling. “You guys alright?”

“No one shot or blown up today. New record,” he stated simply, causing her to roll her eyes.

After the couple seconds of lighthearted joking, she licks her lips a bit to mentally prep herself for the conversation she was about to have with him. “Hey.. can we talk really quick?”

“Yeah,” he says, looking down at her. “Everythin’ okay?”

She nods her head, averting her eyes down after a couple seconds of holding his stare. “I... I’m fuckin’ pregnant, Happy.”

She could only grow more nervous as she read his eyes. His expression never moved physically, but he was sorting out his own head. She could read it easily. After all, she was one of the few who could really understand Happy, and that was one of the reasons he got together with her.

One second turned into four, the growing anxiety boiling up within her the longer he sat in silence. When he opened his mouth to speak, she could feel herself almost lurch forward to hear what he would say.

“So what are we going to do?” he asked simply, eyeing her with a serious expression. “We have to consider our options here, Von.”

Von nodded her head in response, immediately agreeing with what he had to say. He was right, they had to consider every possible option. Bringing up a child with a life such as theirs would be strange. Granted, the adjustment could be made. But they both had to express comfort toward that very idea.

“Do you want this kid in your life, Hap?” she asked seriously. “We never fucking talked about having a kid, Hap. So whatever you decide, we can talk about.”

“I don’t mind raisin’ a kid, Von. It’s up to you on what you want to do. You’re the one carryin’,” he says.

“I know I am, but... I need to make sure you agree with whatever fucking choice I make here, Happy. I can’t be the one to make the ultimate decision, not unless I know you have my back.”

He reaches his tattooed arms up, clasping her face in between the palms of his hands and made her look up at him. His eyes bore into hers, so she could understand the gravity of the words he spoke.

“Yvonne, I will support you in whatever fuckin’ choice you make. I am okay with raising a kid, if you decide to keep it. If you decide you want to, I will talk that choice with you. Whatever you do, I am here. As I’ve always been.”

The words seem to sink in slowly, and Yvonne closed her eyes as she relaxed into his palms. She reached her hand up, grazing her fingertips gently across the skin of his hand, before inhaling slowly to calm herself. She almost felt stupid for panicking as much as she had. Of course, Happy would support her in her choices. He always had, and she was sure he always would. 

Especially for times such as these.

So she opens her eyes, connecting her eyes with his once more. His stern expression never changed, as he waited patiently for her answer. He was always so patient with her, and she was thankful for it.

“I think we should keep the baby, Happy. We can make the adjustments as needed. I know we can do this, because no matter what’s thrown at us, we always make it through in one piece,” she says, her tone much more confident than it had been before.

His expression finally moves, a small half-smile pulling at the corner of his mouth once she realizes she’s regained her confidence. “You’re damn right. It ain’t changin’ now.”

Translations:

Todo bien - Everything okay?

Después de experimentar insuficiencia cardíaca - after I experience heart failure

Lo siento - Sorry

ojos saltones - Big eyes, bug-eyed, doe-eyed

baño - bathroom

¿Embarazada? - Pregnant?

tío - uncle

[batfam-imagines]

Hope

This is loosely based off another fic I wrote for one of my other blogs @mymarvelimagines here’s the link to the original fic: Is That Her? Obviously this fic has quite a few changes, so I hope you like it! Let me know what you think!

———————————————————————————–

“I can’t, Arthur. I have a date tonight!”

Arthur lets out an exasperated huff, “I don’t really care what you have planned. You’re my Captain of the Guard, and I need you at this Justice League meeting. I’m going to introduce you to the rest of the JL members. Mera said I’m no longer allowed outside of Atlantis without an escort, so I’ve chosen you.”

You let out a huff and debate on just hanging up on your king, but eventually decide against it. “Very well. I’ll cancel my date, but next time I want at least 24-hours’ notice. You know I hate this last-minute shit.”

“You aren’t in the place to demand anything, Y/N. I am your king”

“Funny. I thought you were my brother. It’s you who can’t demand anything from me. I was your Captain of the Guard but got tired of all the ‘half-breed’ comments people kept making. You know damn well that I chose to live on land, so you can’t demand anything from me anymore!” You can feel the oceans magic that constantly thrums beneath your skin rising up as you speak, preparing for a fight. The days of you being an official Atlantean are long over, and sometimes Arthur willfully forgets that.

Arthurs growl crackles over the phones speaker, “Fine, you were one of my best fighters. I would greatly appreciate it if you would come with me this afternoon to the Watchtower. The soldiers still respect you, and the war council will take your word more seriously than mine. You’ve fought beside them more than I have, Y/N, you have their trust”

“And?”

Your brother groans, “Seriously? Alright, alright. Next time I need you I’ll try to give you some more notice”

“And?”

“Damnit, woman! I’m sorry! Is that what you wanted to hear? I’m sorry for being a total ass, and for trying to pull the whole king-thing on you”

“Thank you! It’s like pulling teeth to get an apology out of you!”

“Can you just be ready at 6 tonight?” You grunt an affirmation, and Arthur sighs, “You know I miss you, right? It’s just not the same without having you here”

“I know, but I’m not coming back, at least not permanently. And, you know, if you miss me so much you could swim your lazy ass back home and visit me and dad” You glance over at your aging father, sitting hunched and quite on the pier. “You should really come visit him soon, Arthur. He misses you”

“I will, Y/N. I promise, once this meeting is over tonight, I’ll be staying for the weekend. Speaking of, wear your gear, I want to show up the Bat and his brood, but keep your hood off. You’ll be getting to know everyone’s identities tonight”

“Fine, now I have to go. I need to call my date and cancel and make dad some breakfast. Oh, and warn your friends, if I get stopped by some kind of security it won’t be pretty”

“Noted, brat. I’ll let everyone know not to mess with my badass little sister”

“I’m only 8 minutes younger than you!”

Arthur lets out a barking laugh, “I’m still the oldest! See you tonight!”

–

Once Arthur hangs up, and breakfast is made, you retreat to your room to call your date: Jason. Koriand'r had introduced the two of you when the Outlaws had a mission that crossed Atlantean borders, and the two of you had instantly clicked. By the end of the mission they two of you decided to keep in touch. At first by sending letters, and once you had moved onto land by exchanging numbers. But even though you’d been talking to him, had even been considered his friend for almost a year, he hadn’t let you see his face. Whenever Snapchat was used, or the two of you video-chatted, Jason was always wearing at least his domino mask. Tonight was supposed to be the first night where you finally saw his entire face. But now you had to cancel.

Jason picks up on the first ring, “Hey, Y/N, I was just getting ready to call you”

You can’t help but smile at his sleep-roughened voice, it wasn’t easy being awake during the day when most of your crime-fighting happened at night. “Oh really? You just couldn’t wait until tonight?”

He chuckles, “Unfortunately not, sweetheart. Batman called me in on a last-minute assignment, he actually called all of us in, wouldn’t give any details until tonight though. I’m not real sure what the hell is going on, but I’m gonna have to cancel our date.”

Letting out a soft chuckle, you close your eyes in relief. You really hated to cancel plans or disappoint people, and now you wouldn’t have to feel guilty about not being able to make the date. “That’s fine, Jay. That’s similar to what I was gonna say too. My brother called me, said he needed me for some secret meeting tonight”

“Crime never sleeps, doll. Guess we’ll just have to reschedule when no annoying brothers or crazy family members can reach us”

“Yeah, Jay, we definitely will. If you think you can get out of showing me your face because of one botched date, then you’re sorely mistaken”

Jason chuckles, “Wouldn’t dream of it, Y/N. I’ll text you tonight after this thing for B, alright?”

“Yeah, that sounds good. I’ll let you know how my meeting goes. Bye, Jay”

“Bye, Y/N”

–

You stroll up to the ZETA Tube at 5:55 pm, “Hey, Arthur!”

Your brother pushes himself off the disguised transportation machine with a scowl, “You’re late”

Checking your watch, you flash a bright smile, “I’m not late. You said to be here at 6, it 5:57. And plus, I just had to stop for some chicken nuggets on the way here”

“Did you get me any?”

“I did, but then I ate them”

Arthur huffs, “Rude, I freaking love chicken nuggets. You’re getting me some after this damn meeting”

You roll your eyes, “Thought you were the ‘big brother’, aren’t you supposed to take care of little ol’ me?”

“Shut up and get in the ZETA. If I’m late to another meeting Batman will feed me to his children”

“Batman’s up there?” Arthur nods as he punches in his access code, “Cool, I always wanted to meet him”

–

“So, brother dearest, what’s this meeting about anyway and why do you need me to convince the War Council to take action? You’re the king, can’t you just command it?”

“I could try, but ever since you left any war actions I make are questioned. You were the one who actually won your arena fight, you gained their respect by the old laws. I only have it because I was deemed worthy enough to wield King Atlan’s trident.” Arthur’s shoulders slump slightly, “I just need you to listen to what the others have to say, then decide if Atlantean troops are necessary, okay?”

“Okay, okay. I will”

The two of you marched into the meeting, heads held high, “Everyone, I’d like to introduce you to my sister, Y/N. She’s -”

“Y/N?!” A man quickly stands up from the back of the room where he’d been leaning against the wall. He wasn’t wearing a mask, none of the heroes were now that you’d had the chance to notice, but that shock of white hair was unmistakable.

“Jason? What -?”

“You’re Atlantean? Why the hell didn’t you ever tell me that?! You never fuckin’ told me that you were Aquaman’s sister!!”

“I thought would be something you tell someone on the first date! Not over the phone!”

A dark-haired man, Nightwing going by his costume, leans closer to Jason, “Is that her? The girl you’ve been talking to for months now but were too shy to meet up with? I can see why you were nervous, Littlewing, she’s -” He’s cut off as another boy, this one shorter even than him and fine-boned – probably Red Robin – shoves an elbow into his side.

“Leave Jay alone, Dick. This is the first girl he’s shown more than a passing interest in since he’s been back” The pale boy smiles at you innocently, but his eyes are calculating. He plays innocent, used to people underestimating him before he strikes.

Then your eyes turn to the smallest of Jason’s brothers, the current Robin, who has yet to say anything. He just continues to sharpen one of his many swords while watching you, and smirks when your eyes lock. You can’t help but wonder if he’s ever trained with a trident.

Superman clears his throat, drawing everyone’s attention back to the center table, “Back to the reason we’re all here … We’ve received word that your half-brother is planning to start a war, and we need to help us stop it”

“Orm is always trying to usurp Arthur and take back the Atlantean throne, this isn’t anything new. Unfortunately, he’s … exceedingly difficult to capture because several of our people are still loyal to him, and Mother does not want him killed.” You sit down next to Arthur and Batman, quickly scanning over the notes they have about Orm’s forces.

Batman turns slightly to face you, “He isn’t just planning to attack Atlantis this time. He plans to start a war between the Atlanteans and Amazons that will wipe out most of the human race. He managed to hack our servers with the help of Black Manta and found the file for when Flash went to an alternate timeline where Amazons and Atlanteans were at war, destroying both themselves and us. The only way to stop this war from happening is to work together”

Nodding along, you continue to read the list of possible plans that the Justice League have written out, “Mmhmm. So looking at these, our little brother was planning to kill Queen Hippolyta and blame it on our people, causing your people -” You gesture across the table at Wonder Woman, “- to retaliate and kill Queen Mera, thus causing a huge war. And let me guess, he would ride in, or I guess swim in, with his little army and turn the tides of the war causing the Atlanteans to be victorious. All of our people would hail him a savior, Arthur would be booted off the throne, and Orm would once again rule all the oceans as Ocean Master, but this time he would have control of the land as well”

Flash nods along, quickly demolishing 6 more hotdogs as you talk, “Yeah, that’s pretty much what’s gonna happen if we don’t do anything! You’re really good at this”

Jason leans over the back of your chair, “So, sweetheart, you got any ideas on how to stop the end of the world from happening?” One side of his mouth curls up in a handsome smirk, “’Cause, if the world’s at war, then we can’t go on our date”

Arthur’s hand tightens on his trident, “Watch it, brat. I’ll skewer you and feed you to the Karathen”

“I don’t need you to defend my honor, fish-brains, I can take care of myself” You wink up at Jason before turning back to everyone else, “As for an attack strategy, Arthur and I will go down to Atlantis and convince the War Council to mobilize our forces. We’ll set up a perimeter in Themysciran waters, that way when Orm arrives we can meet him head on -”

“Only women are allowed on Themyscira, we do not allow men to freely roam our island” Wonder Woman’s eyes lock on Arthur, “Not even kings”

You nod, “That’s perfectly fine. If you want, only our female soldiers will get close to your islands’ borders, the men can be kept further away. Queen Mera and I will need to talk you’re your queen and general about the upcoming battle, I can show you the places to attack on Atlantean armor.”

“Very well. My mother will be much more … amiable to your plans if the men stay away” Wonder Woman extends her hand towards you, “I am Princess Diana of Themyscira, you may call me Diana. Once you have met with your people, I will be the one guiding you”

“It’s nice to meet you, sorry my little brothers a little - ” You swirl your finger by your temple, “- crazy”. You and Diana spend the next few minutes discussing the layout of Themyscira, the entire time you’re completely aware of Jason still leaning on the back of your chair having a hushed conversation with his brothers.

“Okay, now that everyone knows how beautiful the island is, are we ready to talk about weapons?”

Batman’s eyes flash up to his son, “Jason -”

“I’m serious! If we base Amazon fighting technique on Diana, then they predominantly use swords or something similar, shields, arrows, and hand-to-hand: mainly close range. But Atlanteans have the technology to fight at a distance, they have weapons that only need water to power them. Both Atlanteans and Amazons are equal in strength and speed, but if Orm manages to drive the fight to the water then it’ll be a massacre! Shit, he won’t even have to drive anyone to the water, plenty of Atlanteans are trained in magic and can bring the water to the fight!”

Everyone’s eyes are locked on Jason now, and you can’t help the slow smile that splits your face. Knowing that Jason, someone who’s physically attractive and who you’ve wanted to go on a date with for a long time, is smart enough to see flaws in a potential battle is ridiculously attractive. “Then tell me, Jay, how should we plan to overcome these flaws?”

Jason flushes pink, “I-I mean you guys are the battle experts, I don’t know everything -”

“Don’t sell yourself short, Littlewing! You’re the one who pointed out the flaws, you must have a way to fix them!” Nightwing gives his brother an encouraging pat on the shoulder, “Come on, tell us what you got”

“Okay. Well, Black Manta is human, right? So if he was able to figure out how to use Atlantean technology enough to build his own suit then we should be able to teach Diana’s people enough to shoot Atlantean guns. First we need to lay a trap though, get Orm and his fighters away from the water. They’ll be weaker, and easier to take down without easy access their main power source. Plus, only royals can breathe air, so if we can plan a stealth attack and expose the soldiers to air then they’ll be useless to Orm and his cause.” Arthur looks up at Jason in surprise, both at his knowledge of Atlantean physiology and of the possibility that his strategy could actually work.

“We’ll fine tune the plan once we know exactly how many soldiers and weapons we have available to us” You glance around the room, “Meet back here same time tomorrow with more information?”

Diana nods, “Yes, that should give me enough time to contact my mother” The Amazon stands without another word and leaves the meeting room.

“Thank you for meeting with us on such short notice, Y/N. I know you had other plans tonight” Batman stands as well, holding his hand out for a brief shake, before leaving with a swish of his cape.

The other heroes take Batman’s departure as a que and all stand to leave as well. Arthur grabs his trident from where is was leaning against the wall, “Alright, brat, looks like we’ll make it home in time to see Dad before bed”

“Wait, Y/N, before you go -” Jason scratches the back of his head lightly and clears his throat, out of the corner of your eye you can see Arthur walk over to talk to Superman, “- I know this wasn’t exactly the way our first in-person meeting was supposed to go, but you were amazing discussing battle strategies with Diana. And I was wondering if …”

“Will you go on a date with me?” You interrupt, the words coming unbidden from between your lips, “Like a real date, not one where there’s a bunch of other superheroes around and we’re trying to stop World War III. Not that you weren’t amazing -”

“Ugh, you guys are horrible at this” Red Robin just seems to appear at Jason’s elbow, “Hi, I’m Tim, Jason’s younger brother.”

“Replacement!”

“Don’t mind him, his time dead kind of stunted his emotional growth. He’d love to go on a date with you! Jason’s a total romantic at heart, so he’s the kind to pack a picnic and watch the sunset, you know? But if you aren’t into that I can schedule a dinner at the nicest restaurant in Gotham -”

“Drake, do you really think Todd would go to you for assistance if he needed to find a decent eatery? You survive off of granola bars and coffee. Besides, I have a much more refined palate, I will be assisting Todd in choosing his dates with the Atlantean” The smallest brother, the current Robin, sticks his nose up in the air with an amount of arrogance that you’ve only seen from people born and bred as royalty.

“Damian! We’ve talked about being mice to Tim! Why don’t we all help Littlewing with his date. I mean there are so many great places he can take her! There’s the pier, the aquarium -”

You snort, “Are those all water themed because I’m Atlantean?”

Jason groans, his hands raking through his hair, “Will you three go away? I don’t want to shoot you, but you’re starting to piss me off enough where I think that might be a good idea” The taller man turns back to you as his brothers make their way down the same hallways that Batman had gone down, “After meeting them I totally understand if you want to take back your offer for a date”

“Nah, they seem like fun” Jason raises an incredulous eyebrow, “To mess with that is, I mean that’s what siblings are for. And honestly Tim’s idea of a date was the one that sounded the best”

“The fancy dinner in Gotham?”

“No, no. I mean packing a picnic and watching the sunset. Picking out constellations, talking, getting to know each other more” You reach up and gently skim your fingertips across Jason’s strong jaw, “Maybe one on the beach, away from the city”

“When this whole war this is over, I’m taking you up on that, Y/N. You won’t be able to get rid of me” Jason pulls you into a brief hug before he starts backing toward the same hallway his brothers had gone down, “I’ll call you tomorrow morning when I get off patrol, alright?”

“Yeah, Jay. Talk to you in the morning”

The imminent future looks dark and full of bloodshed, but beyond that there’s hope. Hope for a future, hope to rebuild everything that will be lost, and hope for peace. Already you can feel your phone buzz with a mew message, and your brother nudges you playfully when you finally join him. There’s hope for the future, you just have to get to it.

———————————————————————————–

Let me know what you think! Send any ideas or requests you have to my Ask Box!

[let-it-raines]

Catch Me If You Can (4/?)

298 days. That’s how long Killian Jones was away from a baseball field. It’s less than a year, only part of a season for him, but it might as well have lasted a decade as he alternated between physical therapy and spending an excessive amount of time sitting on his couch.

But then he came back and won the World Series. 

It’s something no one saw coming, and it’s certainly not something anyone who knows about his arm would predict. Now it’s a new season with new possibilities, and anything could happen. On-field reporter Emma Swan will be there to cover it all even if she is not his biggest fan right now. 

Asking her out live on-air will do that.

Rating: Mature

A/N: As always, thank you to @resident-of-storybrooke for the time that she takes to read through this for me, pick up on my little mistakes, and then flail in the comments💙 And thank you to you guys for clicking on this story and all of my other stories! It absolutely blows my mind!

Found on AO3: Beginning | Current

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Tag list: @royalswan @shey-starsfury @sals86 @iam2307 @ashley-knightingale @snowbellewells @karenfrommisthaven @skyewardolicitycloisdelena91 @scientificapricot @captswanis4vr @emmas-storybook @ultimiflos @jamif @idristardis @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @tiganasummertree @wellhellotragic @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog @ultraluckycatnd @cs-forlife @andiirivera @jonirobinson64 @mariakov81 @galaxyzxstark @qualitycoffeethings @thejollyroger-writer

-/-

He has two cakes cooling on racks in his kitchen.

Two.

He thought about making three.

Killian’s not exactly sure when he turned into Betty Crocker – okay, that’s a lie since he knows it was during his injury when he couldn’t do much of anything but hang around his apartment, watch old tapes, and feed himself – but if it doesn’t stop soon, he’s going to have to go up a size in his uniform. He refuses to be one of those players who have a beer belly.

Absolutely refuses.

So instead he’s going to have a coffee and coconut cake belly. Not together, obviously.

They’re separate cakes, though they could go together…no, those two should stay separate.

Definitely.

Why the hell is he having a meltdown right now?

It’s Opening Day, which is undoubtedly one of the greatest days of the year for him, for sports in America, and he is doing anything and everything not to think about it even as he runs over pitches he needs to do against every player on the Orioles, even the ones who aren’t in tonight’s batting lineup.

His calm mind is obviously back in Florida somewhere, probably melting away with the heat and being eaten by an alligator.

How many stereotypes can he think about an entire state all at once?

Probably more, but that’s a road he doesn’t really want to drive down. There’d be too many potholes.

His stomach twists, the nerves radiating over every inch of his flesh, and he wonders if Liam and Elsa will take these cakes off of his hands and turn off the power in his apartment so that he’ll stop stress baking. Honestly, he should have come up with a different hobby while out on injury, but there’s only so much he could do with his non-dominant hand. Even baking or reading or getting pants with a zipper on were full of struggles for those first few weeks.

Becoming an expert in every television show in the past three decades might have been a good idea. Or even taking online courses to see if he can finish out his degree, or, at least, start finishing his degree.

He’s always wanted to do that.

One day.

And maybe he’s anxious about his shoulder for today. Maybe he has razor sharp knots in his stomach because they came back and won the Series last year when they had no business doing that, and this is the first time he’s ever really had to defend something. He’s used to eyes being on him, to pundits watching his stats and debating his skills on their shows, and he’s honestly never given it much thought. What someone behind a desk says has no merit on how he plays on the field, but all of the sudden he’s worried about it all.

His heart may as well be pounding between his ears as loud as the speaker system in Yankee Stadium.

He reaches up to mess with the silver chain around his neck, his mother’s favorite ring cool against his chest, and he tries to take a deep breath. Then another one. His mom would want him to be calm, to think things through. She would tell him that it’s all going to be fine, that he will be fine if he simply calms down.

Every part of him hopes that it’s true.

Every part of him hopes that she’s proud of him.

His phone rings, and he turns off the mixer to answer it.

“Hello?”

“Are you stress baking?” Elsa asks him as he hears Lucy ask for a glass of water in the background. “One moment, sweetie.”

“Aw, I’m your sweetie,” he jokes, swiping some icing from the bowl and boosting himself up to sit on his kitchen counter.

“I’m obviously not talking to you.”

“Obviously.”

“But seriously, are you stress baking?”

“I am making both you and Liam a cake, and it doesn’t have anything to do with stress.”

Elsa sighs on the other end of the line, and he’s not sure if it’s because of him or because she’s trying to get the girls ready for school while also getting ready for work. He knows for a fact that Liam was on call last night, so he either spent the night in the hospital or got up early and left to do rounds. Either way, he’s not home.

“So, you’re currently freaking out then?”

“A little bit.”

“Killian.”

“Elsa.”

“Killian Jones.”

“Elsa Jones.”

“Oh my God.”

“What?” he laughs, flexing out his ankles and moving his toes underneath his socks.

“You are being ridiculous,” she huffs, Addy’s voice coming in through the speakers. “Hold on, Addy wants to talk to you.”

“Uncle Killian,” Addy squeaks, her voice loud in the speaker.

“Addy Jones! What’s up, my girl?”

“Today is Opening Day,” she squeals, and he can’t help but chuckle at the most mature, yet playful five-year-old girl on the planet. “I’m coming to your game tonight.”

“Are you? Are you going to watch the game? Or are you just going to play in the playroom with your friends?”

“I’m going to watch, duh,” she grumbles, and he can imagine her nose scrunching up and making her freckles all blend together. “I’m wearing my Jones jersey. Number twenty-nine.”

He never cared if his name was on the back of a jersey until the rule was changed for names to now be allowed instead of it all being simply numbers. It was just in time for him to get his nieces to wear his, and they’ve been stuffed in oversized jerseys of his since each of the days they were born.

“Hey, that’s what I’m going to wear too.”

“I know. That’s why I’m wearing it, Uncle Killian.”

“I love you, Addy,” he laughs, moving his phone and putting it on speaker so that he doesn’t have to hold it up to his ear. “Can you give the phone back to your mom?”

“I love you too.”

He hears the line disconnect, Addison very obviously having hung up on him, but Elsa’s already calling him back, a picture of her with the girls popping up on his screen, before he can press her contact number.

“Sorry about that,” she sighs. “They’re crazy this morning. I think it’s because they have an uncle who is a pretty big deal, and they’re proud of him. They both have on their jerseys today. Super proud.”

Blush rises to the tips of his ears, and he reaches up to brush his hair back, a few pieces of fringe falling onto his forehead. He had to get it cut last week, the length of it annoying him, but he still doesn’t like for his hair to be too short. Personal preference and all that.

“Well, really, those jerseys have their names on them too.”

“Yes, but it’s yours. Killian, take a deep breath. You’re going to be fine. You’re going to kick ass, really. I know it. Be excited. This is what you love. Remember that?”

“I know,” he smiles, toying with his chain again. “I know.”

“We will all see you tonight after you win, okay?”

“That’s not any pressure at all, El.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too.”

His brother hit every damn jackpot in the world when he met that woman on his first day of residency because he was on the wrong floor to sign in, and she had to show him where to go. He may have looked like an idiot, but he met the love of his life.

It all evens out in the end.

Or so he hopes. He hasn’t quite found that yet, but there’s always that little glimmer of light telling him that.

After all, he hasn’t been struck out quite yet. Then against, it’s been a good while since he was at bat.

The fact that he’s making baseball puns in his head about his failed relationships is deeply disturbing to him, and he can’t quite believe that he’s sunk to this level. At least he’s not thinking about the game.

Oh shit. He’s thinking about the game.

Carefully getting down from the counter, he turns his music on, letting Queen play through the speakers hooked up all throughout his apartment, and gets back to whipping the icing for his coffee cake, figuring that if he focuses on one task at a time, today won’t seem so impossibly long.

And it’s true. He spends his morning working on his cakes, frosting them and putting them away in containers to take to the fields so that he can put one in the management’s office and give another to the ladies who cater for them, knowing that they like them. He’s sure that since he’s not giving them to Liam and Elsa, they’ll actually ask for them this time, but that’s simply a risk that he’s going to have to take.

He’ll have until Wednesday to play again, so it’s not like he won’t have the time to bake some more.

Or pick up another hobby. That’s still a possibility. He should really tackle the stack of books that he has on the shelf in his guest bedroom.

After he puts the cakes in his refrigerator, he walks down the hallway to his bedroom and picks up the basket of laundry that he washed last night and starts folding them, putting away his practice shirts in one pile, his generic workout shirts in another, and hanging his button-downs and henleys in his closet, adjusting a pair of his loafers on their shelf. He doesn’t always think that his apartment is that much of a bachelor pad, but sometimes it hits him how much it is, even if he has more than one bedroom. He’s got plenty of color, even if it’s mostly blues and greens and brown leather with white comforters and pillows. Decorating has never been his thing. Growing up, they didn’t have a lot of decorations, even if his mom’s paintings were on a lot of their walls, and when he was in college, his dorm room was legitimately just a bed with a checkered blue comforter and two pillows, absolutely nothing on the walls.

The height of home décor.

The only reason his place looks nice today is because Elsa’s sister, Anna, is an interior designer, saw his apartment once, and then forced him to go shopping with her the very next day. He swears she tried to max out his credit card on throw pillows. He’ll never understand why anyone needs so many but to each their own.

She did pick out several fantastic blankets, though. He most definitely brings one with him on road trips because it’s that damn comfortable.

He should probably buy another one.

Ariel: Your segment is airing at 3 PM on ESPN. It’s 30 minutes.

Ariel: Do you want to watch it in the clubhouse, or should I try to commandeer a private room for just you and me to watch it in?

Shit.

He nearly forgot about his segment. How the hell could he forget about that? He spent an entire day being filmed for it, a day talking to Emma Swan and letting her ask questions about his private life for him to answer and be aired. She never got to invasive, never asked for anything he would hate to be aired, and since he knows Emma Swan and the integrity that she shows every time she reports, he let Ariel approve the segment without him watching it.

That was probably not his brightest idea.

His teammates are going to give him hell.

They already do, especially when it comes to anything having to do with Emma or any girl that he’s seen with, and he already knows that every single one of them is going to be watching in the clubhouse if they’re not at batting practice or warming up for the game.

God, he hopes they’re all warming up for the game.

He needs to text Will and make sure that he’s ready to warm up with him later, see if he can get Eric to hit a few balls off of him, let him actually pitch to a batter today before the game starts.

So much to do, so little time even though he feels as if time could stretch out forever.

He takes a shower, washing his body down, before getting out and cleaning up his scruff, dressing in his warm up clothes and moving to the kitchen to eat the chicken and spinach he already had cooked and packed away into a container, before grabbing his keys and taking the elevator down to the parking garage, loading up into his car and beginning his drive through the city to the stadium.

Sometimes he thinks about moving closer, about being closer to work so that he’s not constantly in a car or on the train, but he likes his apartment. It’s a good location in the city, only three blocks from Central Park, and honestly, he doesn’t mind the drive out to the stadium. Sometimes he even takes the train, wanting to blend in with the crowd and be normal, even if it means seeing some pretty interesting things that he swears would never happen anywhere else in the world. That’s probably what he should have done today with his headphones and music drowning him out from the world, but instead he’s sitting in traffic and fiddling his thumbs, wishing that he could stretch out his legs as he runs over several plays in his head.

Will is going to signal him tonight. He doesn’t need to do that. He knows want to do, how to do this. He’s been doing it for his entire life, even if he did once play first base instead of being a pitcher.

But that’s all up to dear old dad, and his commanding and overbearing tendencies.

No. He will not go down that road today.

Today is a good day.

And he’s got Addy and Lucy wearing his number as they go to school because they’re proud of him. What more could he possibly ask for out of life? Those girls are the best, and he wants to make them proud. Liam and Elsa too.

His mom as well.

He finally gets to the stadium and pulls into the private parking deck, flashing his ID and parking before going through the tunnels to get to the locker room so that he can do a few stretches and meet with Archie to massage his shoulder while he’s watching the segment. He’ll probably be the most stressed then, and at least that way it can be in private.

Damn. He forgot the cakes at his apartment. How did he do that? He literally looked in the fridge right before he left.

“Jones,” Robin calls out, his mini me following right behind him with his mop of curly hair. “I have been reliably told that your biggest fan is here.”

“My biggest fan?” he laughs. “Would that be a young master Locksley? I thought his dad was his favorite player?”

“He’s not starting, so it’s you,” Roland laughs, running forward and wrapping his arms around his legs, nearly tugging his joggers down. “It’ll be Dad tomorrow.”

“Well okay then.” He squats down to hug Roland, ruffling his hair, before standing back up.

“Good to know that your old man will be your favorite player tomorrow. He might be mine too.”

“What about me?” Will questions, walking through the doors from the locker room, his shirt rolled up to wipe sweat from his brow. “I thought I was always your favorite.”

“You’re all my favorite,” Roland huffs, his nose scrunching up in conversation as he obviously gets frustrated. “Dad is making me go back to school, so I don’t like him right now.”

“Why aren’t you in school, kid?”

“Dentist appointment.” He flashes his teeth. “I didn’t have any cavities.”

“Good job.” Killian holds out his hand, and gives him a high five. “Will? You want to let me practice a few pitches around four?”

“After your girlfriend’s segment? Sure.”

“Not my girlfriend.”

“That’s because she said no.”

“As she had every right to.”

Will shakes his head from side to side, brushing his hands over the slight fuzz that resides on his head. “Listen, I’m just saying. You took your shot, and she shot you down. It was epic.”

“I’m going to peg you with a ball tonight.”

“Dirty.”

“There is a six-year-old in the room,” Robin sing-songs, placing his hands over Roland’s ears. “Roland, say goodbye to your crazy favorite players. You’re going to take your spelling test.”

“Bye,” Roland waves, a cheesy little, non-cavity filled smile on his face. “I’m going to eat a hot dog tonight.”

“I feel like there’s another dirty joke in there,” Will laughs, and everyone cuts their eyes at him, the lovable idiot. “What? Hot dogs are disgusting. That was the dirty joke.”

Okay, maybe just an idiot.

Everyone goes about their business as they warm up for tonight’s game. He runs for thirty minutes, a slow and steady pace, just to loosen up his muscles and make him feel like he’s done something today, before meeting Archie and having his shoulder massaged. He couldn’t meet at three, so Killian has to have it done with everyone else in the therapy room, before he does a few stretches with bands. He’s always worried about how it will feel, especially after a few pitches, but he knows that Al will only keep him in the game through the fifth inning today. It won’t be like the Series where he pitched nearly the whole damn game.

He still can’t believe that he did that.

Liam: I had a patient today who was frantically checking all of the channels to make sure the game was on tonight. I asked him if he’s a fan. He is…of the Orioles.

Killian: Oof. Way to boost my spirits.

Liam: I try. See you tonight. Are you going to come watch from the box when you’re finished?

Killian: As long as the game isn’t over before I finish my cool down, yeah.

Liam: Good.

He’s just about to put his phone back in his pocket when it dings again, Ariel’s name popping up.

Ariel: Al is letting us use his office. Come on up. I want you to look at your graphics for Instagram for tonight too.

Killian pockets his phone then, and walks through the doors to get to the offices, winding in and out of offices full of all of the administrative staff that work here, until he gets to Al’s office, a place he has been far too many times. He might as well pitch a tent and live in it, honestly. For as much tape as he watches and as much research he does into statistics, nothing compares to their manager.

Nothing.

“Hey,” he greets as he walks into the room, only Ariel sitting in there typing away on her laptop.

“Hey, give me a minute, okay?”

“What are you doing?”

“Killian.”

“Seriously.”

“You’re so annoying.”

“Hey, you can’t insult me in the same ways that I insult you.” He plops down onto Al’s old, cracked leather couch, nudging his shoulder into Ariel’s. Sometimes he thinks that they’re too close, but then again, he’s not going to complain about having someone in his life like Ariel. He often doesn’t know what he’d do without her. “I still don’t know how you balance things when your husband is playing tonight, and you’re stuck dealing with me all day.”

“I’m a very talented lady.” She types a few more things into her email, signing it off, before switching files to a video that’s paused on a still of he and Emma walking down a hallway in the training facility in Tampa. His hair is far too long in it. It’s a good thing he got it cut. “So, I’ve been thinking.”

“Always a rough thing.”

“You’re really telling horrible jokes today.”

He winks, and she bites her bottom lip, probably trying to resist calling him a jackass.

“Anyways, I’ve been thinking that, for today, we post this promo video for the interview. Then once it’s aired, I’ll link the video in your story. But that’s all pretty business-like, and I don’t want you to seem to stilted so I – ”

“Do you ever think we worry too much about my social media presence?” he ponders, leaning back on the couch and stretching his hands above his head, cradling his head in his hands.

“Aren’t I really just here to play baseball?”

“Yes, but it goes beyond that, knucklehead.” She taps his head, almost like he’s a small child, and he can’t help but chuckle. “You’re a public figure whether you like that or not, and so you do have to do things like this. Anyways, tonight, we’ll either get a game photo or you can post a private one that’s more personal.”

“Whatever you want.

“And I balance you and Eric because I love you both, and it’s something I want to do. And he’s not quite as difficult to manage as you are.”

“Please,” he scoffs, “that’s not true.”

“It is. Eric listens to me more.”

“Well, he does have more to lose.”

“I’m not even going to comment on that.”

She reaches over and picks up the remote off of Al’s desk, pressing a button before the black screen comes to life, Emma Swan sitting behind a desk the very first thing that he sees. She’s got her hair pulled back into a ponytail, and she’s dressed in a fitted navy and white striped shirt tucked into either a pair of pants or a skirt. He can’t tell. Maybe he’ll see her tonight.

Does he want to see her tonight?

Why would he want to see her tonight?

There’s absolutely no way that he still fancies her, none at all, and as much as they get on, he wants to be nothing but professional with her. He doesn’t want to make her life any harder than he already has by being an idiot.

He watches as she introduces the segment, her hands moving all over the place now that she doesn’t have a microphone in her hand, and before he knows it, the screen is transitioning into a video of him practicing his pitching, Will standing behind home plate catching each ball before throwing them back. It’s something he’s seen first-hand a thousand times, but then it changes to shots of Steinbrenner, both interior and exterior, before showing him talking with Emma. It’s…simple. That’s the only word he can think to describe it. It’s simple but straightforward, and he freaking loves it. There is no glossing things up, no trying to create an angle where there isn’t one. It’s simply the two of them talking like it was on that day.

It’s refreshing in every single way.

He’s grown used to reading magazine articles and gossip site clickbait all about how he can’t seem to date a woman for more than one night and how he’s playing too much off the field than on it.

Seriously, there was an article title like that once, and he wasn’t sure whether to laugh or to throw a baseball at every single so-called reporter’s face who spent all of their time taking pictures of him in a private capacity to post it publicly. And he gets it. he went through a phase where he was going to too many bars, where he was casually dating a little loosely, but he was heartbroken and trying to compensate for all of that. His personal life was in actual shambles, but it didn’t affect his game. He wasn’t playing great, but he wasn’t necessarily playing horribly either.

Now it’s been four years since he was so much as pictured with another woman, and yet people still try to paint him in some kind of negative light.

Not Emma Swan even though she had every right to from his screw up.

A breath of fresh air.

That’s what all of this is.

“Your hair is too long there,” Ariel points out. “It’s doing that little flippy thing.”

“I got it cut.”

“I know. I’m just pointing it out.”

“You’re like the older sister I never had, A.”

“I am one month older than you, asshole.”

“And yet born in an entirely different year.”

Ariel huffs and crosses her arms over her chest, rolling her eyes before propping her feet up on Al’s desk, the heels of her boots clicking against the wood. “If only you were as charming in real life as you are in this segment.”

“First you say my hair is too long, as if I’m not devilishly handsome no matter how my hair looks, and now you’re saying I’m not charming? You wound me, darling.”

“I try.”

He reaches down for his water bottle, taking several large sips as he watches he and Emma talk about the craziest fan encounter he’s ever had, which probably isn’t the craziest but is still pretty damn funny. She’s laughing at him, or at the story really, and it’s kind of nice to see that she maybe didn’t totally hate him before they went into this, especially since he didn’t get a chance to apologize until they were eating lunch and her cameraman went to the restroom. He’s pretty sure she accepted it, that she may have forgiven him for that, and as long as he doesn’t put his foot in his mouth again, they should be good.

To think that this is the one member of the media who he cares about, and he’s the one who screwed her over.

That is not something he needs to keep harping on and focusing on. He has to move on from it.

When the segment is over, he reaches to turn the television off, but then they cut back to ESPN’s studio with Emma still sitting behind the desk with Sydney Glass, who is most definitely not his favorite person in the world. He’s always telling Killian that he should retire any time he pitches a poor game.

It’s a bit (a lot) ridiculous.

“Well, that was certainly something,” Sydney says, spinning in his chair to look at Emma.

Her jaw clenches before she relaxes, and he imagines that she doesn’t like him much either.

“He’s certainly something of a player.”

“You would say that.”

“Pardon?”

“You would say that,” he repeats, tapping his fingers against the desk. “After all, he did ask you out on a date? Did you ever go on it? I don’t see how someone like you could pass that up.”

“Bloody hell,” Killian grumbles, sinking down on the couch before running his hand over his face, pinching the bridge of his nose. “What a jackass.”

“I told him no,” Emma says, a very obviously forced smile on her face as she tries to keep things jovial, “so, no, I did not go on a date with him. And, really, the only date that Killian Jones is concerned with is his date with the mound tonight, so let’s go ahead and preview tonight’s game.”

He turns the television off then, not caring to see anymore, and runs his hands through his hair, making it stick up as Ariel pats his back.

“Did you apologize to her?”

“Yes, Mom, I apologized, but her life is obviously never going to go back to normal as long as she’s associated with me. I still can’t believe I did that. What’s wrong with me?”

“That’s a loaded question.”

He chuckles and leans back into the couch before standing up, adjusting his joggers. “Well, since I certainly don’t have time to get into that right now, I think it’s probably time that I went and did my job, don’t you think?”

“I don’t get paid if you don’t.”

“Ah, now I know why you want me to be successful.”

-/-

It’s the top of the fifth, and the sun is setting over the stadium as sweat drips down his brow and his back, his shirt soaked from the unseasonable humidity of the day and of the city. It’s almost like they’re back in Florida training, and he’d think that it would make him comfortable to throw like he was during all of the practice games.

It does not.

He’s miserable out here, his body aching, and he desperately wants to go inside and cool down.

This is not at all how Opening Day is supposed to be, and he knows that it’s all chalked up to his nerves and nothing else. The weather isn’t great, but he’s been getting in his own mind all night.

The fact that they’re up 5-1 doesn’t seem to stick in his mind.

“Get it together, Jones,” he murmurs under his breath as he looks to Will to see what signal he’s giving.

God, he hopes they don’t pick that up on the camera.

He nods his head, gets his body into position, and throws.

A swing and a miss.

Strike three. He’s out.

And the inning is over, everyone running back into the dugout. He gets a few claps on the back, a few more on his ass, and he sits down on the bench, reaching down to pick up his Gatorade bottle only for Al to look at him with a raised brow.

“You telling me I’m done for the night?”

“You look like you’ve been done for the night since you got out there.”

He nods his head, taking a long sip of his drink and letting it cool him down, before twisting the top back on and standing up and patting Will on the shoulder.

“I’ll be in a better mood next time.”

Al nods his head, a firm smile on his face. He’s usually a much more pleasant guy, someone they all want to be around, but sometimes during games, he won’t look happy no matter what happens. Then again, his job relies on a bunch of overgrown teenage adults playing a game well, so he’s probably a little tense.

Before he leaves the stadium, he sees Eric hit a foul ball, the ding of it ringing through the stadium, but then he’s walking through the dugout door and walking through the tunnels that lead him back to the locker room. It’s empty, not a soul to be seen, and he pushes through the doors to go to the gym, hopping on a bike and riding it for fifteen minutes while he watches the game on one of their television screens. They have tonight in the bag, he thinks, but it could depend on how Roseman closes things out, if he even closes things out.

He will. It’ll be fine.

Killian runs through the rest of his routine, doing a few stretches for his shoulder before heading to the showers, washing the dirt and grime off of him as he hums to himself. The shower makes him feel better than he did the entire time he was out on the field.

“Jones,” Archie calls out as Killian wraps a towel around his waist. “Are you planning on ever coming to see me?”

“Don’t be so desperate, Arch,” he teases, picking up his uniform and carrying it out of the room to place in his locker so that it’ll be washed. “I was just about to come by. I don’t think I need much more than a quick massage, though. I felt bad, but my shoulder doesn’t.”

“Are you lying to me?”

“Nope. I’d tell you if I was hurting, wouldn’t I?”

Archie crosses his arms over his chest, his sweater tugging at him. He looks more like a fifth-grade teacher than a physical therapist, but the man has magic hands. Magic.

“Like you tell the rest of your teammates?”

His stomach drops, but he ignores it. “I tell you, and no one else needs to know.”

Archie’s jaw clenches. “Let’s get you on the table. I bet your family is waiting for you up in the suite.”

They are, and as soon as Archie finishes massaging his shoulder and this niggling place in his calf, he takes the elevator up to the private suites, having to pass through the press hallway on his way there. The inside of this stadium can be like a maze, but he’s got a good grip on it.

And then he sees Emma Swan walking down the hallway with a giant soft pretzel in her hand, a large chunk of it in her mouth. She’s wearing the same thing that she was wearing earlier, but he can now see that she has on wide-legged pants instead of the skirt he thought she had on and that there are heels peeking out underneath them. She doesn’t see him yet as she’s staring down at her phone, but then she looks up and he swears she nearly spits out the pretzel in her mouth.

Always the reaction you want to see from a woman.

“Whatthefuck,” she mumbles, all of her words blending together as he sees her furiously chew.

He has never been more charmed by her.

“Is it pretzel day then, Swan?” he questions, fidgeting with the hem of his t-shirt.

She covers her mouth with her hand, the one holding the pretzel, but he still sees the blush rise on her cheeks. “Was that an Office reference?”

“Of course. Pretzel day is the best day. I like pretzel day.”

“Obviously.” She puts her hand down as she stuffs her phone into the waistband of her pants. It’s then that he realizes she doesn’t have any pockets. Why do women’s clothes never have pockets? “Why did you look like you hated life out there?”

Ah, shit. He really must have looked miserable if others besides Al are noticing. He thought he at least faked it for the crowd. Reaching up to scratch behind his ear, he hums, “Because it’s humid? And maybe I really hated a segment that aired about me earlier today.”

“Oh. I didn’t – I thought…”

He reaches forward to touch her arm, squeezing as he smiles down at her. “I’m kidding, Swan. It was great. All of my interviews are going to have to be done by you or something because I don’t think I’ve ever been so charming.”

Emma scoffs, the slightest smile forming on her face. “You wouldn’t believe the amount of editing that went into making that happen.”

“So none at all?”

She slaps against his arm. “You keep thinking that, Jones. I’ve got to get back out to my seat. Not all of us finish our jobs halfway through the game.”

“Is that a jab at my position, love?”

“Most definitely,” she winks. “I’ve always preferred third base. It’s much more fun.”

She walks away then, taking another bite of her pretzel, and he’s left standing there trying to figure out if Emma Swan was just flirting with him. There’s no way, absolutely none. If anything, he’s pretty sure that she still hates him, but who knows? He certainly doesn’t, and with what he saw her have to deal with on TV today, he wouldn’t bet on her flirting with him.

When he finally gets through the media corridor and into the private suites, he quickly opens the one where his family always stays, and he’s greeted by his brother who is biting into a slider in the kitchen.

“You looked like shit out there,” he mumbles.

“Funny. You look like shit all the time.”

“It’s a gift.” Liam steps forward and wraps him up in a hug, patting his back. “You feel okay, Killian? Your shoulder?”

“I’m fine. I promise.”

“And that blush on your cheeks – what is that from?”

“You’re getting old. I think that eyesight is going if you think there’s blush on my cheeks.”

He hums, pulling back from the hug and placing his hands on Killian’s shoulders as Liam’s eyes scan over his face. “You wouldn’t have happened to see a pretty blonde out in the hallway, there?”

“Bloody hell, do you have eyes everywhere?”

“Blind ones apparently. But nah, Ariel was in the Fox booth, and she saw the two of you talking. That was some piece that she made about you. I watched it with one of my patients today.”

“The Orioles one?”

“Nope, this woman was on the right side. She thinks you two make a cute couple.”

Killian groans, pinching the bridge of his nose again. This is going to be his legacy. It really is. It doesn’t matter how well he plays or what good he does in the community. Asking a woman out on TV is going to be his legacy.

It’s starting to move up his list on the dumbest decisions ever made.

“Shut up, you idiot. I want to go see my nieces.”

[leonorawrites]

I GAVE UP MY DREAM SCHOOL

Hello to whoever reading this blog (if there is anyone at all haha). Lately, I have been feeling so lost and confused as I cut off ties from the memories that I have lingered on for many years and have already been a huge part of my everydays. I will not beat around the bush anymore, so I just wanna tell that I am moving on to a new chapter of my life to become a bolder and stronger version of myself. Haha too late to realize self-worth for a 20 year old, right? And as I strive to be a better person for myself, as much as possible, I am trying my best to put a period on every single thing about me that was left with a question mark. It might sound boring in your part to just sit or lie down while scrolling through your phone reading my thoughts, so I understand if you will stop reading and go back. But, thank you for taking your time to at least appreciate the first few sentences. Okay, I think I have already said enough, so I will finally begin.

Just a disclaimer, I believe that no particular school/university should be ranked and compared in any way. We see, each has its own strengths and weaknesses the same manner each has its own capacities and limitations. I solemnly respect the fact that education will never depend solely on the arms of the institution. Going back, being an ordinary student that I am, I have always dreamt of going to the University of the Philippines. To be a student nurse and an Iskolar ng Bayan at the same time became my utmost desire for College. Unfortunately, I was not alone. There were actually hundreds of thousands dreamers just like me that aspired to enter the reputable university. This made it even harder for me to accept the reality that my parents did not allow my dream to happen. I did not receive any financial support to enroll myself even just in the cheapest review center possible. Summer of that year was actually the worst for me— seeing my friends studying together for UPCAT with their parents supporting them from behind while I am desperately comparing myself to them. Was it difficult? Yes, but that wasn’t the hardest part yet.

I kept on debating with myself. With my parents telling me to stop dreaming over and over again, I started questioning my desires and potentials. But everytime I tried to stop, fate kept on reminding me that I can... even on my own alone. I restored my self-esteem and stepped-up my game. I started collecting reviewers from online and had all of them printed. I also somehow managed to have some of my friends’ reading materials photocopied. I also attended some free educational seminars and gathered everything that I’ve learned in a personalized notebook slash handwritten reviewer. Crazy, right? I barely survived that one whole summer studying almost endlessly. I had to admit that I was really pressured up to the point where I doubled and even tripled my efforts. To cut the story short, I was able to take the exam.

Wanna know three interesting facts about my UPCAT journey? First, I really suck at Math so I kept in mind to let go of it and just do well in Science and Language. The night before the “not-so-awaited examination day”, I skimmed through my Math notes (I only focused on some formulas) just to make sure that I will not mess the entire Mathematics part. My bad, I ended up studying overnight and slept for 4 hours only. As a result, I just forgot all the formulas and messed up more. I also fell asleep for almost half of the Science test so the proctor had to approach and wake me up. I was so stupid in that part, wasn’t I? Second, this might sound absurd but this really happened for real. The day after I took the exam, I had a high fever that I almost fail to attend our Student’s Night the next day. My mom even scolded me for taking the exam too seriously that even my health was compromised. Third, I passed. So yeah, that was and is still the best day of my life. Although I wasn’t able to pass my first campus and course choices, I still passed my second choice and was beyond blessed.

Fast forward to when I first laid my foot at UPB. I told to myself, “Grabe! This is it. ‘Di ko na ‘to pakakawalan.” I knew deep inside myself that I was finally an inch closer to my dream. Though, I just had to do some adjustments from UPM to UPB and from BS Nursing to Bs Biology, I did not really care about it back then. After all, to be an Iska was my utmost desire. When I was finally able to enroll and see my schedule, believe me, I felt it. I felt the incomparable satisfaction of reaping the seeds I have sown on my own. Oble became my best friend and UP Naming Mahal became my theme song. Believe me, I was that happy. I met some of my blockmates and they eventually became my friends. They kept the Iska fire inside me burning even brighter. Everything was so perfect— my parents finally allowed me to move out and live alone, my friends passed the UPCAT with me, and my dream almost turn to reality.

You might be asking the same question everyone else has been asking me for the longest time, “WHY?”. The bottomline is, sometimes we have to give up something good to have something better. Having UP within reach was so good to be true for me. I mean, I am and will always be grateful for that mere opportunity. But being there made me realize that overwhelming feelings can be deceiving as well. I was too overwhelmed of the test results that I mistook it to be the path God has prepared for me. I have always wanted to enter UP, but God have always called me to save and transform lives— to be a nurse. It caused me too much pain to understand Him before myself, but I never regret following His will over mine. I gave up UP not because I wanted to quit my dream, but because I wanted to pursue it. Fate always has a way of leading us to where we really belong. Whichever way is yours, claim that you’ll arrive at the right place, in the right time, and as a right person.

PADAYON!

[i-rove-rock-n-roll]

Bits of wips

Cause why not?

Icarus (opening lines)

Icarus sneezed. The dust inside the cramped tower swirled, agitated by his constant twitching. He sneezed again and winced as his father laced the leather harness around him tightly, yanking it into place. 

“Ow.” He squirmed. “Ow!” 

“Stand up straight.” Icarus winced again, this time at the swat. The wings were heavy, almost half the weight of his wiry frame. “They won’t fit properly if you don’t quit squirming.” 

“Are you sure this’ll work?” Icarus craned his neck to try and glimpse where the wings met his back, the feathers already itching. They fluttered briefly, and Icarus smiled.

Sequels to Icarus

Ariadne 

Ariadne’s throat was raw from screaming. She had cried for a short while, then screamed for as long as she could. After nothing changed, she threw herself down, then picked herself back up, and tried to find something to do some way to make her situation marginally better. 

  The first thing to do was build a signal fire.

Helen 

Paris looked upon her face, eyes searching, gleaming. Hungry. Then he sat back, disappointed.

“I thought she'd be prettier.” 

Helen wanted nothing more than to claw his eyes out.

Potential sequels to the above

Medea

Heracles (note: Heracles has cameos in both Icarus and Ariadne)

Other wips

Redemption Day

         ‘Here comes the cavalry,’ the figure thought, eyes opening to look up hazily at the leaves that would have been green had there been enough light to see by. The nearest light was a streetlamp a few meters away, though the brightest light in town just happened to be the Donaldson house, which always had some sort of decorative lawn ornament or Christmas light that made the neighbors grumble and close their curtains or cut the electric wires.

Fingers fluttered at the beat, and their eyes stayed shut, even as the patrol car drove by, slowing suspiciously at the closed graveyard gate, but moved on to a better lit street. Then the sirens started. Another siren called back in response before a third pierced the not yet quiet air.

Of course, the Donaldson house happened to be the brightest this night because it was on fire.

Wolves and Witches (untitled)

“Turn me back.” The wolf demanded. 

The magician blinked. That wasn’t quite what he expected. “But I went through all this trouble! Don’t you at least want to try it?” He had anticipated a joyous response, or at the very least some form of praise for having broken the laws of reality. 

“Not really. I’d much rather be a wolf.”  Said the woman that used to be a wolf. Then she shook her hair out and bared her teeth, still deadly. “Turn. Me. Back.”

Mayan Hero Twins (untitled--Characters don’t have names yet either)

“I remember her.” Grandmother’s eyes sharpened. “Came to me about ten years ago, saying she was pregnant with Son’s children. Little--” 

“Surprise.” X said flatly, cutting off whatever insult she had planned. “She was right.” There was no surprise in the old woman’s face.

“I demand a paternity test.” 

“And it was twelve years ago, not ten.”

“Paternity. Test.” H rolled her eyes, thrusting the packet of medical work at her. 

“Here. You go.” Grandmother’s eyes narrowed as she read, and narrowed further still when she looked up at the twins, distrustful. A beat of silence, then she said,

“When Son returns, he will be the one to figure out what to do with you. Until then, you stay here, and stay out of my hair, understand?” H swallowed her scowl, and X swallowed his smile. 

“Of course.”

Caín

“You got a name?” The man blinked in sunrise that the sudden question.  

“Carl.”

“I’ll believe that if you believe I wanted to be a ballet dancer when I was a kid.” Father Turrell snorted, then said seriously. “I actually wanted to be a tap dancer.” He waved a hand dismissively. “Semantics.”

“You don’t believe me.” 

“Did you expect me to?” He arched a brow. ‘Carl’ muttered under his breath. “You don’t look like a Carl.” Father Turrell paused thoughtfully. “Does anyone actually look like a Carl?”

“Not anyone you want to meet.” The priest furrowed his brow at the strange sentence, but began to collect dishes, running lukewarm water in the sink. 

“Anyway, Carl or not, you’re free to have coffee with me anytime you wish.”

Down We Fall (royal political drama)

It happened slowly. He began to notice the little things, quick flashes of personality he'd never noticed before. A selfishness. A coldness. At first he thought one of the cooks had slipped him something, some sort of paranoia inducing drug. But rifling through the kitchen late at night proved nothing, other than his suspicion that Cook Lafet used more butter than necessary and less pecans than she should. Her nails traced his face and he couldn't help but shiver. “Darling,” she stopped. “What's wrong?” Normally he would've taken her hand in his and kissed it to reassure her. But this time he was the one in need of reassurance.

The Day Pa Crow Died

The truck gave a cough in warning. Pa frowned, checking the dash. It had been full last night, he knew, since he had stopped at the gas station just after giving one of his kids a lift to their PTA meeting (their car had crapped out just before they were supposed to be at the school, leading to a panicked plea interrupting Pa’s nightly television hour). Pa knew he should have more gas that this, but focused instead on finding someplace safe to pull over. The truck died just as he made it to the gas station. 

Pa grunted as he got out, his knees rolling a bit, though the drop wasn’t very far. Reaching for the pump, a small pink note greeted him, scribbled in thick marker. 

PAY INSIDE. 

Pa went inside, ringing the bell above the door. The cashier, buried in a magazine titled: Drought, Is It Aliens Or Aardvarks?, rung him up for gas, as well as a few candy bars. 

Pa stopped, one foot from the threshold. His skin prickled, but he pushed it aside, and left the station, the bell dinging behind him. A shadow fell into place beside him.

“Do you have a five? I need a pack of cigarettes.” Pa sighed, slipped a bill out of his beat up wallet, and handed it to the voice’s owner. The man went inside, bought his cigarettes, then returned. He looked at Pa expectantly.

“You need to learn to say no.” Said the stranger. Pa blinked. 

“What business is it of yours?” He hoped he didn’t sound rude. He did just buy the man his cigarettes after all. 

“None at all,” the other man said amicably. He flicked his lighter, the tip glowing before he said, “You didn’t happen to want change back, did you?” 

‘Yes,’ Pa thought, but decided to try something different. “No.” 

The man hummed. “D’you happen to be a Capricorn?”

“No,” Pa said, wondering why he thought of that brown cone bursting with produce that decorated Thanksgiving tables in pictures. “I don’t believe so.” 

Pa Crow was born on a certain day of a certain year, under a certain astrological sign that may or may not have actually fit personality wise, since he didn’t actually know what day he was born. In short, he didn’t believe in astrology, and he didn’t care much to learn.

“A Virgo then?” The man asked.

“No.”

“Leo?”

Pa smiled.

I’m also debating on turning this really dramatic wip I wrote years ago about Jack the Ripper, theater, and multiple personalities into a musical. 

Anyway, these are a few of my wips, I don’t want to flood your blogs with a long post on all of them. 

[three-seas-writes]

Captain Wonder Backstory!!

There’s no pain in this one! I promise

-

Captain Wonder doesn’t mess with romance. It’s one of his rules, he doesn’t meddle with other peoples love and he doesn’t waste time looking for his own. Not that he thinks it’s wrong or anything, he just doesn’t understand it. He’s never wanted what people idealize as romance, or even the unidealized versions he sees his teammates live through. Hand holding sounds embarrassing and kissing sounds gross. He doesn’t even want to think about sex.

It makes him a freak for most of his life. He gets used to the teasing from teammates, even misses it when some of them die too young. But then, about the time he’s turning 30, things start changing. More and more “freaks” start standing up, demanding respect and rights and change. And it happens. Acceptance comes so quickly it’s a wonder this didn’t happen earlier. There’s so many words he’s never heard of, and the world expects him to be resistant. Captain Wonder stands for good old-fashioned values of freedom and justice, hundreds of thousands of bigoted people believe he’s on their side. He goes to his first pride at 36, picks up two flags, and comes out to the world as aro-ace and proud. The bigots shut up after that.

It keeps him happy for years, until he enlists as a mentor at 41. It’s later than most heroes, but he’s respected and well-known for his calm and serious personality, so he gets assigned a reckless upstart of a kid and a deadly partner named Ibis.

Ibis is 38, and incredible. She fights with long, sweeping blades and a silent demeanor that puts most people on edge, heroes and villains alike. She’s tall and angular, sharp features and piercing eyes. She’s a good match for Captain Wonder, and they’re both good for Harvey. The kid is chaos incarnate, his weather powers routinely spiral out of control and into tornadoes, and he firmly believes that he should be risking his life from the moment he steps into the Association. Captain Wonder thinks he’s a fool.

He keeps that opinion long after Harvey leaves his mentorship. He’s headstrong and careless like only a child can be, 16, because the enlisting age gets higher every year as the public decides super are humans, not fighting machines, and isn’t that something. But working with Harvey begins to reveal bright streaks in his personality. A genuine need to help others. The desire to protect, and be looked up to. A rock-solid resolve. Captain Wonder meets Ibis for meetings once a week to gauge Harvey’s progress, meetings that turn into lunch breaks as their schedules fill.

It takes a year for him to call Harvey by his name, and they grow close quickly after that. At a year and a half a conversation about meal and sleep habits turns into Harvey holding back tears as he explains why he lives alone in Hero Housing, and Captain Wonder spends three hours that night filling out paperwork for him to move in. Harvey starts calling him Cap, and they have Ibis over for dinner twice a week. On his 43rd birthday Harvey enlists Ibis’ help to throw him a surprise party, and it’s the first time in years that he’s enjoyed celebrating. Harvey begins combat training at the two-year mark and everything is better than it’s been for a long time.

It’s been two years, nine months, and six days when he realizes he’d like to hold her hand. He and Ibis are walking to his home from the Association for the bi-weekly dinner when it happens. He thinks about it until Harvey goes to bed at ten, and then pulls out his computer to figure things out the same way he did eleven years ago. It takes far less time than it did back then, mostly due to better internet he’s sure, but after looking through many sweet and well-meaning blog posts about how normal it is to change he finally finds a word he likes. Grey aro-ace. It fits, and he thinks it sounds cool.

He informs Harvey that his labels have changed over breakfast, and is a bit surprised to learn that he didn’t know. Or, to be specific, he’d “figured, but I didn’t know if you knew, y’know?” They miss an hour of morning lessons having a discussion, about the rights movement and the assholes, Harvey talks about being demi-pan and Captain Wonder mentions the teasing from his teammates and they feel closer than he’d ever thought possible.

The first step, he supposes, is actually holding her hand. It’s not something he’s ever had to consider, so it takes about a month before he decides he ought to watch some romantic films. For research. Harvey has lots of suggestions, and they waste a few months on romantic comedies and romantic tragedies and romantic action adventures and romantic buddy-cop movies, which might be his favorite, and in the end he’s a little overwhelmed.

Typically his next step for something this big would be to plan obsessively for months, but he doesn’t get the chance. At three years and two months a villain targets Harvey, supposedly his powers will be perfect to fuel her plans once she’s drained them from him and left him a lifeless husk, and it’s fair to say that Captain Wonder loses his shit. It’s been nearly two decades since he’s been seen seriously fighting a villain, and it seems a bit like people forgot how freaking good at it he was. The villainess is so surprised when he makes it through her traps that it’s almost easy taking her down. Harvey is okay, mostly, and it’s terrifying in a way that Captain Wonder is not comfortable with. He hovers, he knows he’s hovering, but he still hovers the whole time in the ambulance to the Heroes Hospital, in the hospital room as a doctor checks them both over, he even insists on sharing a hospital room with Harvey- with his kid - for the week he’s there. And he is his kid and Captain Wonder spends most of the time worrying and the rest of it wondering how it only took three years for him to emotionally adopt someone when it had never happened in any of the forty other years of his life. They celebrate Harvey’s 20th birthday on his last day in the hospital and Captain Wonder debates whether you can even adopt an adult. They take him home the next day, him and Ibis, and when Harvey passes out Captain Wonder pulls out the dusty wine he never drinks and they each have a glass. It’s the calmest he’s felt all week, sitting here silently drinking wine with good company, and he almost says something. But he likes this moment as it is, and maybe the perfect time to say it passes, but then when he eventually walks Ibis to the door she leans in to kiss his cheek and smiles softly at him, and isn’t that something. The next time they have dinner he ditches a supportive Harvey at home and takes her to a sky-high restaurant and he gets to see that soft smile illuminated by distant city lights.

They take it slow. There are movie nights and dinner dates, and the bi-weekly family dinners. One year, Ibis moves in. Three years, Harvey moves out. Five years, the mentorship ends and he and Ibis register as a couple. They talk about marriage. No papers are ever signed, but they call Harvey their son. Six years, they get a cat. Ibis names her Georgie.

Captain Wonder is 52 when he opens his door on a cold night to find his son carrying an injured supervillain. Alastair’s face is pale and Harvey’s eyes are wet, and it’s only hours later, watching Harvey sleep in a chair next to his old bed and the unconscious villain in it, that he lets himself think about how lucky his son is to find love so young. Three weeks later, watching his son and Alastair interact, he thanks the gods that Harvey’s not such a fool to love someone who wouldn’t love him back.

-

See! No pain! And this might be the longest short I’ve written, its about three pages in MS Word! This is a backstory piece for the story, and is entirely canon, as well as the first m/f couple I’ve ever written. It’s also pretty special to me because it’s the first time I’ve written a character who is asexual like I am, and when I was asking a friend for feedback it started a great conversation about our sexualities and she discovered she’s demi!! Which was really awesome and a wonderful conversation to have! Anyways I’ll stop rambling now, thanks for reading!

[golivethemagic-blog]

So I have Feelings About Toy Story 4

So. Hello. It’s been a while since I posted here, huh? Like usual, I’ve been skeptical on Disney as a business: ensuring there will be less movies made more expensive by devouring the competition, not letting Galaxy’s Edge Cast Members tell people where things are outside of Galaxy’s Edge, their anti-union policies…nothing they have been producing lately has felt interesting to me. Tumblr has also gone to shit and over half the blogs I used to follow are gone, but I still like it a hell of a lot more than any other social media site. I still use mobile, but mostly to transfer images from my phone to my computer.

But I saw Toy Story 4, and I have feelings about it.

Disney sure is on a trend of writing movies that have nothing inherently wrong with them but leave the fanbase screaming. While I have no interest in associating myself with the toxic and childish Fandom Menace, I can sympathize with them. Star Wars was a series that they had invested a lot of time and emotional energy into, and to see the series take such a left turn—old characters die or change their characterization completely, new characters take center stage, the black and white morality of the series become much more grey and complex—makes you feel like it was all for naught. This doesn’t excuse ANY of their actions, but I digress.

Toy Story is my Star Wars. And Toy Story 4 is my Last Jedi. And I have feelings about it.

Let’s talk about the good things first. Toy Story 4 is an absolute masterpiece in terms of CGI animation, and even animation in general. I have no idea how animation can improve from here. Most of the time when there was something onscreen that I hated, I was just watching the textures of characters, or how they moved around. The plans the toys hatch in order to move around and save the day are some of the strongest writing this series has ever had. The villain was excellent; just as sinister as Lotso or Pete, but still human (for lack of a better term) and able to be sympathized with. Forky is great, and the montage of him and Woody just walking down the highway was my favorite scene in the whole movie.

It’s good to see Bo Peep back. Her being missing was one of the things I really hated about 3. But I really dislike her redesign. It feels like the creators thought that, in order for Bo Peep to be a strong female character, they needed her to be a Strong Independent Woman. Bo Peep in the first two movies was already a strong, competent character--the fact that she was not an action hero does not change that. She was always kind to the other toys, she worked alongside them despite being so fragile, and she took control of the room when Woody and Buzz were gone. The prologue of the movie showcases this quite well. But also the prologue requires wild leaps of logic in order for the story to start and for Bo Peep to be missing during 3. Yeah, she was not Andy’s toy, but Andy still played with her and relied on her like any of the other toys, and furthermore, Andy’s toys were her friends.  The whole movie I was waiting for Bo Peep to have a wild make-out scene with Woody like she did in the first two, but it just never happened. Because the nature of their relationship had changed so much, it never felt quite as romantic, no matter how many times they relied on Woody looking at Bo lovingly while she was looking at something else (aka, my favorite romance trope. They used it twice.). Now I get that there are 9 years of separation between them, but it wasn’t like there was any bad blood between them before.  

Speaking of wild character leaps, all of the characters seemed to take one at some point. Andy’s toys mostly took a backseat, particularly Mr. Potato Head, who had to rely on archival recordings for his voice. Buzz and Woody spend almost no time together. But we still have Buzz thinking his inner voice is literally his voicebox (Buzz is dumb, but it’s been 20 years. He should know something), Woody sulking that he isn’t the favorite toy anymore (despite, I dunno, THE FIRST MOVIE BEING ABOUT THAT),  Bo Peep accusing Woody of caring more about a kid that doesn’t really like him than caring about his friends, and tons of other small things that didn’t really make me like any character. Towards the end of the movie, Bo Peep asks Woody what’s so important about saving Forky, and the fact that Woody says anything other than “Because he’s a toy, and no toy gets left behind” shows a fundamental misunderstanding of Woody’s character.

And then THAT ENDING…strap yourselves in, kids. I need to talk about spoilers.

Very quick final thoughts for people who don’t want to read under the cut: Toy Story 4 is not a bad movie. It’s a wonderfully animated movie full of action and heartache alike. But’s it’s poorly told. I can’t recommend this to longtime Toy Story fans, but admittedly, it probably wasn’t made for us. There’s a whole new generation of Bonnies to play with now. If you ignore all the character history behind it, it’s fine. But I probably won’t be giving this another watch.

So. At the end of the movie, Woody decides to stay with Bo and travel the world. He says goodbye to everyone and gives his Sherriff badge to Jessie, effectively making her the new leader of Andy’s toys (although Dolly was the leader of Bonnie’s toys and I don’t even think she was in the RV but whatever), and they go their separate ways. On paper, it is a great way to end the series. It is the end of the friendship of Woody and Buzz that was forged in the first movie. Woody isn’t dead or anything, but there’s no possible way that they can get back together except for extreme circumstances. It is the end to Woody needing to be someone’s toy in order to feel worthy. It is the perfect use of the theme that it is okay to say goodbye and let go.

But here’s the thing: I hate it.

Like I said before, Woody’s whole first movie was about him dealing with the fact that he was not the favorite toy anymore and learning to get along with Buzz despite that. Why is not being Bonnie’s favorite such a big deal? Furthermore, Woody admits that he was made “sometime in the 50s”. Let’s be generous and say that he didn’t even become aware until his toybox was opened (debatable throughout the entire series, but sure), and let’s be even more generous and say his box wasn’t sold until the 70s. Who was Woody’s original owner? Why wouldn’t Woody feel bad about leaving them? Why wouldn’t he have experience dealing with the loss of a kid in 3 that leaves him okay to move on in 4? Or why wouldn’t he bring him up as well if he did have problems? Woody was an important doll to Bonnie, even if he wasn’t prime playtime material, because someone had given him to her. Wouldn’t she notice he was missing? And considering how Andy switched back to playing with both Woody and Buzz, wouldn’t she eventually switch to wanting to play with him?  Also remember Toy Story 2, aka the Best One? In that film, Woody seriously considers going to Japan and becoming a collector’s item. But he listens to his show’s version of him sing the theme song, and he realizes how much he’ll miss his friends. Sure, context is different, especially because of Andy, but I feel like it adds to the same point: Why is Woody leaving his friends? Why do we have to have such a sad ending to our childhood franchise? whY aRe yOU ruINinG my C h I l D h o O d pIXAR

The ending feels forced. It feels like they wanted to end the series once and for all. I may not like 3 very much just because of how cynical and sad it can get, but it at least gave us a happy ending. Now? Screw you, Woody and Buzz are a thousand miles away and there’ll never be a Toy Story 5.

With all of this said, I don’t think there was a version of this story I would have liked. I had no interest in seeing the series end with Toy Story 3, I had negative interest in seeing the series end with Toy Story 4. Apparently, there is a Bo-Peep series in the works on Disney+. I think I would have preferred that as a sequel. Instead of being a feature-length film, make a series of short episodes about Bo Peep travelling the world, helping lost toys, and maybe even piecing together where Andy’s toys could have gone. It would have cost like half the budget, and it would have everyone interested in a Disney+ subscription.

Toy Story 4 is not a bad movie. It’s a wonderfully animated movie full of action and heartache alike. But’s it’s poorly told. I can’t recommend this to longtime Toy Story fans, but admittedly, it probably wasn’t made for us. There’s a whole new generation of Bonnies to play with now. If you ignore all the character history behind it, it’s fine. But I probably won’t be giving this another watch.

[soul-heart-and-beyond]

✩ Roleplaying History ✩

(Post ten characters you’d like to roleplay as, have role-played as, and might bring back. Then tag ten people to do the same (if you can’t think of ten characters, just write down however many you can and tag the same amount of people). Please repost instead of reblog!)

(Tagged by: @ducktales-wco-oo and @phooeyonyou​)

(Tagging: Seems like you’re up next!)

Currently playing:

Duckworth - DuckTales 1987/2017/Other AU Versions

Dewey Duck - DuckTales 2017/Other AU Versions

Fenton Crackshell/-Cabrera/Gizmoduck - 2017/1987/ Other AU Versions

Negaduck/Drake Mallard - Darkwing Duck - Show/Comics/Dangerous Currency/Other AU Versions

Skunky Skunk - Bonkers Show/Other AU Versions

Huckleberry Hound - Classic Hanna-Barbera/Trio of Triumph/Other AU Versions

Ludwig Von Drake - House of Mouse/DuckTales 1987/2017/Other AU Versions (@thegenludwigvondrake)

Claire Redfield - Resident Evil

Trish - Devil May Cry

Quick Draw McGraw - Classic Hanna-Barbera/Trio of Triumph/Other AU Versions (I seriously need to update his icons and stuff. The ones I have I feel would not do him justice as of currently.) @quick-draw-mcgraw-rp

Want to play: (I’d share some of the new ones coming with updates, but surprises are surprises! They will be test muses of course, and I may alter or even archive some muses.)

Dynomutt - Hanna-Barbera (With a clumsy but chill and courageous cybernetic pooch like this guy, I just haven’t done much to promote him. He’s a good pal to have and is pretty friendly!)

Hawkgirl/Shayera Hol - DC Comics (Tougher than nails, but good company to keep once you get past her initial meeting phase! DCAU can be pretty weird to mesh in with other folks, but I should still try a little more?)

Howard the Duck - Marvel Comics (Yeah, yeah, he’s still on here, but that doesn’t mean that I haven’t been trying to push him out there like some of the ones I currently play. He’s a guy with issues that many people can probably relate to, and is fun to irritate.)

Hokey Wolf - Hanna-Barbera (As my favorite HB character of all time, well, it’s not that out of the ball park that I’d like to rp as him on here. There aren’t that many that I think would know of Hokey though. Suave, calm, and sassy is his thing, and he’ll con you a new one better than Yogi Bear ever will!)

Roxas - Kingdom Hearts (”But he’s on here and I have done a thread or two with him!” Yeah, that’s true, but just recently have I kinda noticed some things about how I’d play Roxas might not mix well with other muns, mainly because of the constant preaching of “friends over family” that KH has, it kinda leads me away from thinking Roxas would consider anyone older than him like a parent and just friend zone them instantly. I might be overthinking it, but it’s just something I don’t see happening, and until I can find my confidence and hopefully a better method of playing Roxas, he’ll be in semi-hiatus for the time being.)

Sylvester Pussycat/Daffy Duck - Looney Tunes (I have done very little with either, though I can do something with Sylvester as of now, just Daffy needs some tweaking and icons for other verses. But when I have a good grip on both situations, they’ll be put out into the open for all to interact with for the other verses!)

Dracula Duck - DuckTales (As I have not been working on his icons like I should have, with very good reason for so too, I still have so many great ideas and AUs for him that I’ll share when I can get him completed.)

Gideon McDuck - Duckverse/Disney Comics (”But you play him too!” Ohhhhkay, Gid is a tough topic to deal with as even the mere mention of his name can serve up controversy in times when it is not need, like any time, but he is still a favorite of mine and technically still a good or possible character in DuckTales 2017. He can or doesn’t have to be related, I mean, look at Huge McDuck and what he did and he’s not even a real relative. What I want to do is continue giving the chief editor a chance to shine and be noticed for all of his straight-forward but considerate mannerisms, search for truth and justice, and all of that from the news side of the world.) @gideon-mcduck

John D. Rockerduck/Roller Dollar - Duckverse/Disney Comics (”Also him as well!” Look, John is more known and very well received to be the third richest duck in the world, and as he aims for first place in besting Scrooge, he’s also not that bad of a guy. Sure, he may have a devious, mischievous, and even cheating side to him, but get to know the guy well and he’ll treat you like family. Not his of course as there’s a lot of turmoil in his but better than any average person for sure. Not only that, but he has gone through some radical adventures, giving him versatility, and even has a supervillian persona, one akin to Magneto. Polaris [Marvel], Doctor Polaris [DC], and Cosmic Boy in some terms of powers. When he hits the stage, he makes sure his appearance is known! Until he’s forced to munch on another one of his bowler hats.) @john-d-rockerduck

Underdog/Shoeshine Boy - Terry Toons? (Being a big fan of some superheroes, and knowing that Underdog has become a rarity in that of the super hero fandom, I decided it might be nice to try and help bring him back! As overpowered as he is, of course he can get the good old nerfing rod, or not, however you want it! Mainly what seems to be cool would be the situations in which he saves the day that don’t always involve Polly Purebred, or just his daily life as a shoeshine boy?) @underhcro

Have played:

Ralph Runner - Loonatics Unleashed (Boy, is this 50′s-60′s esque father of a roadrunner something! He’ll probably have you smacking your head in frustration from the very fast speak he talks. Ralph can slow down though, so that’s not much of a problem! Keeping up with him physically though is another thing, like for some reason, he still has a potbelly but can move at super sonic speeds? I guess not every speedster has a hyper fast metabolism? Either way, if you’re in the future sometime, you might find him at his business or somewhere in Acmetropolis, if it’s in the same time and universe!)

Snagglepuss - Hanna-Barbera (Ooooh, this guy. I have SO many ideas with him that they pale in comparison to Huck and Hokey, when just using my ideas and not the combined efforts of mine with others. A moment that explains how he went from being an antagonist and rival to being a good friend along with his fur change? Got it! An explanation for how he loses some of his daring and adventurous backbone? Already thought of! And the list goes on for this mountain lion! I may not have played him on Tumblr, but I have played him before, and I have hear I am really good from others.)

Bathound/Ace Wayne - DC Comics (A detective that likes to do his work more than anything, and does it best when alone? Oh yeah, that is a vigilante I can get behind! I still have yet to promote him more and such, but he is a good guy to antagonize since he does hate silliness and such when it comes to the mission. Though not as devoted to the mission as Bruce/Batman is, he can be at times and that is one of his best traits/worst flaws.)

José Carioca - Disney (As he is literally my most favorite Caballero, sorry Don and Pan, he does get a lot of love from me. With his questionable past of having what can be debated to be regular magic or black magic, coy and sly demeanor when on his con work, or just being the cool and levelheaded member until a party arises. Maybe it is because he reminds me too much of myself in some cases, but I do not know. He is still available for whoever wants for me to make a starter with him! I also have to continue the thread that has him in it.)

Morrigan Aensland - DarkStalkers (I question on how I should approach making her icons as she is well, look at her. Though she is a succubus and gets away with that because it goes back into the lore of succubi, I feel like some people would be uncomfortable with her around, which is normal. She is kinda one of those..... characters that I don’t want to type the acronym of. However, that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to play her. She’s a good character that has an intriguing personality!)

Igor - Count Duckula (Ah yes, my first rp blog that I had when I decided to rp on Tumblr. It’s still up, and I’m still working on it! But for all that do not know, here’s a little thing about my writing; If it wasn’t for me rping as Igor, and also having knowledge of Alfred Pennyworth, I might not have been thinking about playing Duckworth as early as I did. I do love Duckworth still to about the same amount as Igor, which is a LOT, but they kinda are two sides of the same coin. Heck, they even wear almost similar attire except for their appearance and tastes in some things.) @butlerofthecount

Dante - Devil May Cry (I definitely need to work on this blog again, as DMC5 sparked my thrist for some good demon slaying threads. Hopefully the pizza hasn’t gotten cold or moldy by now, but if it has, one can always order a new one!) @merciless-style

Goofy Goof - Disney (It’s no joke! I may not have him on here, but then again, not all of my muses are on here. Some are exclusive to here, and others are exclusive to other places. While I’d love to present my take on the cherry and clumsy goof, I prefer to see everyone else’s interpretation on here! Goof Paradise is Nice, but I’m too impure for that life. XD)

Tidus - Final Fantasy X (I swear, I’m still making icons for him in the PS2 original Final Fantasy X because I’m sorry, that’s the only way I like Tidus’ face in the first and second games, Kingdom Hearts and Dissidia series are okay, but not the HD Remasters [in my opinion].) @caladbolgdreamknight

Gemerl/Emerl - Sonic The Hedgehog (I definitely wouldn’t mind giving this copy bot a chance to get some light again!)

[yourescapetofiction]

The Tides Have Turned-Part 9

A/N: This is my old work, The Tides Have Turned. It is a complete story that I am reposting on this blog so the work isn’t lost and can be found for those interested :)

Nine

I anxiously stood underneath Nate’s glare. His jaw was twitching, and I knew he wasn’t going to settle for anything less than the truth. I shifted my weight from foot to foot as I debated how I wanted to tell him.

“It’s nothing really. I ran into those guys from the beach, that’s all” I say downplaying the situation.

“Nothing?! Y/n those guys were eyeing you like a piece of meat” Nate said incredulously. I looked around nervously, when Jonah spoke up.

“Yeah, they certainly didn’t look friendly. Not like old friends you randomly run into on the street” he said.

I stared at Jonah praying he would shut up, he was making this worse without realizing it. I understood the altercation, but I really didn’t need Nate flipping shit right now.

“What did they say to you?” Nate said between his teeth. He was terse when he spoke.

“Uh, they just invited me to a party they were having, but I told them no. And then they sort of threatened that I would make it up to them” I say. A muscle in Nate’s neck spasmed as he took in my words.

“They threatened you?” he said more seriously now, inhaling sharply.

“Well not in so many words-”

“When were you going to tell me this?” he pressed.

“Nate, I would have told you eventually. But I didn’t want to ruin the night, and Jonah took care of it so it’s over now.”

“Well, uh, this has been crazy running into you but I should get going. Take care of yourself around here” Jonah said and gave me a small hug. I shot him a weak smile as he walked away. Nate was silent.

“Will you at least speak to me please” I asked. Nate was never like this, I mean he’s stood up for me before as good friends do, but never like this.

“I’m sorry” he said, sounding defeated. This confused me, what does he have to be sorry about?

“For what, Nate?”

“That I wasn’t there to be the one who protected you” he said looking down sadly.

“Nathan, look at me. There wasn’t a need for ‘protection.’ They were aggressive, but they didn’t touch me, there’s no reason to beat yourself up” I reassure.

“Yeah, but Jonah-”

“Wait! Is this about Jonah? Are you jealous??” I question, a little shocked. When I saw him become flustered under my gaze I couldn’t help but smirk. Jealousy.

“Nathan is jealous!” I taunt now, hoping to lift the mood. He whipped his back shocked at my reaction, and quickly backtracked to get out of it.

“No! That’s not it at all. I just wanted you to be safe” he said smugly.

“Whatever you say Romeo” I laugh before making my way over to the group again. Nate followed closely behind.

“Whoo! We’re talking big guns tonight baby!” Sam said drunkenly, with his cup in the air. He was standing on top of a table.

“Sam, nobody even knows what the fuck that means” J said sounded exasperated.

“Sammy, honey, you’ve had enough of that” I say taking the cup from his hand. I grab his other hand to help him back down to the ground. He fell slightly, and leaned all of his weight into me while wrapping his arm around my shoulder. I had to lean into Nate so that I didn’t fall myself.

“I think we should get him home” I said looking at Nate. He nodded in agreement before setting out to find the rest of the crew. Sam still hung on me, his eyes shut and head rolling around. He was talking out of his ass, I don’t think he knows where he is anymore.

“You’re such a girl y/n” he stammers.

“Uh huh” I say not paying him any attention.

“Like THE girl. The best girl there is” Sam rambles on. He’s cute when he’s drunk. Nate walks back towards us with Nash and the others in tow. Nash abstained from drinking tonight so he could drive us home. Nate took Sammy’s other hand around his shoulders and the two of us did the walking for him. We climbed into the back of the bus and I buckled Sam up.

“Thanks beautiful” he grinned sloppily at me. Gilinsky and Johnson were recording him for blackmail purposes later.

“Don’t post that shit online” I say to them. They laughed and swore they wouldn’t. We embarked on the journey back to the Hamptons. Sam was passed out beside me. I reached my hand to where Nate sat beside me and discreetly locked his fingers with mine. I needed to be sure that he was okay after the conversation with Jonah. He held onto my hand tight, and ran his rough fingers over my knuckles.

Back at the house…

“Ok, come on Sammy. Use your legs, come on” I say coaxing Sam out of the car. His legs started dragging on the ground.

“For god’s sake, we’re never letting him drink this much again” I say struggling to lift him up. Nate finally placed him on his feet and we hobbled through the front door. The guys all flopped down on the couch, but I think the night is over for Sammy boy.

“Hey guys I’m gonna put Sam to bed, I think he’s out for the count now” I laugh steering Sam towards the stairs. They all laugh and nod.

“Alright Sam. This is going to be the hardest thing you’ve ever done in your life. Lift one leg at a time” I say sarcastically.

“What is this I’m doing?” he slurs.

“It’s this magical thing called ‘climbing stairs’” I say with false wonder. His beautiful eyes widened at me in mystery, like when you tell a child about Santa for the first time. I couldn’t help but giggle at him. He’s a fucking idiot, but he’s my idiot. It only took him twenty tries to get up the stairs, which was a new record for him. I pushed him down the hallway into his room. I took his shoes off, and placed his Rolex on his bedside table. He face planted the mattress, and would barely move when I tried to get him ready for bed.

“Sam, roll over” I say, losing my patience. He groaned and barely turned. I grabbed his shirt and lifted it over his head. Then I unbuckled his pants and pulled them down and off, leaving him in his boxers. That was as far as I was going to go, I wasn’t going to deal with a drunk AND naked Sam.

“If you wanted to get me naked, you can just ask” he slurred.

“Always the charmer, Samuel. Even while drunk” I laugh. “Lay back” I say pushing him towards the pillow. I swung his legs under the blankets.

“Thanks baby. I loveeeeee you” he dragged out, eyes fluttering open and shut. He was barely holding onto consciousness.

“I love you too Sam” I laugh and stood to leave, but he grabbed my hand.

“I know something you don’t” he teased, in and out of the situation. “Somebody in this house is in love with you” he giggles at the last part, like he let out a closely guarded secret.

“Yeah, okay Sammy. Get some sleep” I say before turning off the light and leaving. I entered my room to change into lounge pants and a tank top before returning downstairs.

Nate’s POV

We were sitting on the couch discussing the events of the night while y/n put Sammy to bed. A few minutes passed before she reappeared on the staircase. She had a serious expression on her face, as if she was deep in thought.

“Everything okay?” I ask.

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Definitely” she smiles. “What do you guys want to do?” she asked. I looked around and everyone shrugged.

“Wait, I have an idea” she said excitedly. She ran over to a storage chest and began rummaging around, before she pulled something out.

“It’s about to get old school!” she squealed pulling out Twister.

“Oh dear God, you remember what happened last time we played!” Johnson whined.

“Oh come on, please J! You love it and you know it!” she begged. He reluctantly agreed.

“Well I don’t see what else there is to do, considering we left the club early because of a certain someone” Kenny said motioning upstairs.

“Alright, I’ll grab some beers and snacks” I say before leaving to go into the kitchen. I gathered everything I thought I would need and walked back into the living room, arms full. Dillon, Swazz, and Gilinsky were pushing the furniture out of the way as y/n flattened out the mat. She then moved over to the stereo system and plugged in her phone. Instantly the sound of 3OH!3’s “Don’t Trust Me” filled the air and we all laughed.

“I told you guys it’s getting old school in here!” she laughed. She would deny it, but the girl was obsessed with them. She began to dance around the room, singing the lyrics from heart.

“Don’t trust a hoe. Never a trust a hoe” she sang and called out Gilinsky by pointing at him.

“Oh, I’m a hoe?!” he said faking that his feelings were hurt.

“Mmm, yeah G you are” she said not giving it any thought.

“Let’s play!” Cam said before Gilinsky got the chance to respond.

“Alright y/n since this was your idea, you move first” Nash said whilst spinning. “Ok, left hand blue.”

Y/n complied shooting us all a cocky smile, she thought she was going to win this.

“Ok, Nash you are right foot red!” Cam said, taking over the spinning duties. A few more turns passed and most of us were a jumbled mess.

“Nate! You’re right hand yellow!” Dillon said straining to reach the spinner. I moved accordingly and ducked underneath y/n’s chest. I looked up and flashed her a bright smile, I wasn’t complaining about my position.

“Shut it Maloley” she said smirking.

“What?! I didn’t even say anything!” I say defensively.

“You didn’t have to” she points out.

“Uh, guys, the more you talk the more we’re gonna collapse” Kenny warned.

“Ok, ugh, y/n move your right foot to green” Dillon yelled out again. She moved her foot and was now bent under Gilinsky.

“Damn, I could get used to this view” he said biting his lip.

“Aye, maybe y/n was right. You are a hoe!” Swazz called out from behind him. This caused us to laugh and I felt us tremble slightly.

“Woah, shit guys, hold steady!” J called out. He was always good at this game considering he wasn’t as tall as we were.

“Hold. Up.” A voice rang out through the house. We could barely lift our heads to see a hungover Sammy standing in front of us.

“You guys started a game of twister without me?!” he accused with a hurt tone.

“Dude you were out cold like an hour ago, how the hell are you alive right now?” J asked from somewhere under the huddle.

“You guys weren’t exactly being quiet down here, so I came down to see what was up because I heard noises. I figured it was either an orgy, or a game of twister” he said.

“Same thing” G smirked.

“So now I see this, and I am hurt you guys. You know that’s my shit, and I want in!” Sam said clutching his chest feigning deep emotion.

“Get on with it Sammy! We can’t hold out much longer!” y/n strained out beneath the mess of tangled bodies. Sam spun the spinner and grinned while moving towards us. He still reeked of booze, but it had worn off some. He was probably still buzzed, but at least he can stand on two feet now.

Sam moved behind y/n, who was standing in a triangular shape, and laid on top of her.

“Much better” Sam grinned.

“Omg Sammy, don’t lay there, I can’t-” y/n began before her legs trembled and we all collapsed with her.

“Good one Sam” Nash said shaking his head. We all just laughed, trying to sit up.

“I think I’m gonna go for a walk on the beach” y/n said standing up. The guys just nodded and flipped on ESPN, not bothered.

“I’ll join you” I smile innocently so as not to draw attention to us. I could see her pupils dilate before she smiled in return. She slid on her flip flops and we exited the sliding back doors. It was quite windy outside, and the night air was cool. The beach was cleared of debris so we removed our shoes and walked in silence for a moment.

“So Sammy told me something intriguing upstairs” y/n began, walking in a slow stride.

“Oh yeah?” I ask, genuinely curious. The boy could say some dumb shit when he was drunk.

“Yeah. He said it’s about one of us in the house” she continued. She was cautious, and I couldn’t really feel out where she was going with this.

“What about them?” I say, more nervous now. My mind was racing. I remember telling Sam how I felt about y/n within the first few days of being here. Fuck. He wouldn’t tell her that would he? Hell he could have told her anything, he was heavily intoxicated. My palms were sweating. This was not how I wanted her to find out.

“He said someone’s in love with me” she stated plainly. She wasn’t gushing about it, nor was she really curious. She had a suspicious aura about her. Now my heart was really racing.

“I think it’s Gilinsky” she said shrewdly. I nearly choked, both out of relief and confusion. My secret was safe for now.

“Why do you think that?” I ask. She was silent for a few moments, deep in thought.

“I don’t know. The way he acts around me? Maybe I’m reading too much into it. You know how big of a flirt he is with women, I’m probably just one of many” she trails off. I was cagey with my words, I had to proceed with the utmost caution.

“Yeah, I do know how he is. Love is a pretty strong emotion, you really think it’s finally caught up to Gilinsky?” I ask with genuine interest now.

“Who knows if it will ever catch up to him. But I do know he was intense when we hooked up” she finished.

I felt like I was slapped in the face. When did they hook up? We’ve been around her the entire vacation. If someone was gonna smash, we would all know about it. Sam told me there was nothing going on between them! Either he lied, or they were sneaking around. A god awful thought crossed my mind. Was she playing me? Our arrangement could be just one of many in her game. All previous worry about my feelings for her washed away. I heaved with jealousy, lust, and anger. What I felt right now was strictly primal. I needed to wash away any trace of Gilinsky. I needed her.

[cbk1000]

Jenn Recommends: Historical Fiction II

Welcome to another blog post in which I tell you what to read, and you just sit and passively do it because I have excellent taste in literature and also I’m kind of a bully. Check this tag for more recommendations.

Today we revisit historical fiction, because it’s one of my favourite genres and I have lots of suggestions, all of which you should definitely take to heart. My first list of historical fiction recs (which can be found here if you’re curious) was all gay, all the time; this list is slightly more heterosexual, although not much, because here be lesbians.

If You Like: Dickensian lesbians (and really, who doesn’t?)

Read: Fingersmith by Sarah Waters

I’m going to lift the summary from Goodreads, because it’s faster, and I’m lazy:  Sue Trinder is an orphan, left as an infant in the care of Mrs. Sucksby, a "baby farmer," who raised her with unusual tenderness, as if Sue were her own. Mrs. Sucksby’s household, with its fussy babies calmed with doses of gin, also hosts a transient family of petty thieves—fingersmiths—for whom this house in the heart of a mean London slum is home. One day, the most beloved thief of all arrives—Gentleman, an elegant con man, who carries with him an enticing proposition for Sue: If she wins a position as the maid to Maud Lilly, a naïve gentlewoman, and aids Gentleman in her seduction, then they will all share in Maud’s vast inheritance. Once the inheritance is secured, Maud will be disposed of—passed off as mad, and made to live out the rest of her days in a lunatic asylum. With dreams of paying back the kindness of her adopted family, Sue agrees to the plan. Once in, however, Sue begins to pity her helpless mark and care for Maud Lilly in unexpected ways...But no one and nothing is as it seems in this Dickensian novel of thrills and reversals.

This novel really hearkens back to ye old days of sensation fiction when literary thrillers were a bit slower, a little more cumbersome; they wanted more patience from the reader, who watches all the little threads get teased out bit by excruciating bit. There’s a sinister undercurrent you feel pulling at you till about the halfway point of the novel, when everything is suddenly upended and you sit up in bed screaming, “BRUH!!” because your stupid ass did NOT SEE THAT COMING EVEN A LITTLE BIT.

Waters is really good at this; her evocation of Victorian England is excellent, and transports you in a way that only the best historical fiction can manage. The narrative unfolds slowly in the first half, building upon itself with a sense of heightening doom that a faster pace could never achieve. As the reader, you’re in on the con (or are you?), and you know what’s going to happen, how it’s all going to end, where the burgeoning relationship between the two girls is painfully trundling along to--except you don’t. Waters pulls the rug out from under your feet, and she doesn’t just do it once, which is why I’m reluctant to say too much about the plot. AND--she does it all in really lovely prose that’s reminiscent of the time period she’s working in; I never really felt a modern hand guiding me. I could have been reading any piece of 19th century literature; the seams between the 21st century and the 19th are never visible, never jarring. If you, like me, are a slut for ornate Gothic literature, and/or you want your historical lesbians and you want them now, give this a try.

If You Like: Watching an oblivious pre-WWI Edwardian society hurtling to its inevitable doom through the eyes of a fucked-up family whose matriarch loses herself in the magic of her own fairytales instead of actually paying attention to the flesh and blood children they are based upon

Read: The Children’s Book by A.S. Byatt  

From Goodreads:  When Olive Wellwood’s oldest son discovers a runaway named Philip sketching in the basement of the new Victoria and Albert Museum—a talented working-class boy who could be a character out of one of Olive’s magical tales—she takes him into the storybook world of her family and friends. But the joyful bacchanals Olive hosts at her rambling country house—and the separate, private books she writes for each of her seven children—conceal more treachery and darkness than Philip has ever imagined. As these lives—of adults and children alike—unfold, lies are revealed, hearts are broken, and the damaging truth about the Wellwoods slowly emerges. But their personal struggles, their hidden desires, will soon be eclipsed by far greater forces, as the tides turn across Europe and a golden era comes to an end.

It actually took me about a month or so to read this book--not because I kept putting it down and then begrudgingly picking it back up again, but rather because I purposefully wanted to draw it out. The language, the atmosphere--it was all just something I needed to savour. This is a slow, thoughtful book that focuses rather minutely on the dramas of one family and the people who become entangled with it; it will not be for everyone (which is a caveat attached to every book, but I feel this one in particular requires the warning). This is a book about the creative process and the myriad escape hatches it offers us from the real world, sometimes to our own detriment. It is a book about WWI even though the actual war inhabits only the last quarter of the book. It is a book about the options of women in a time when society was still debating whether or not they should be considered full-fledged people. 

This is one of those books that sort of just crawled inside me and stayed; I didn’t want to leave it. I think part of my reluctance came in not wanting to reach the end, knowing WWI was bearing down on these characters, knowing many of them wouldn’t make it, because that’s what the war did to an entire generation: it erased it. I knew it was going to erase whole swathes of the story I had spent hours devoting myself to. I knew for so many of the characters there wasn’t going to be a tidy ending, and there wasn’t; they just stopped, abruptly. You follow generations of the family and in the end feel cheated, not through any failing of the author, but through the cruel and arbitrary machinations of history and the things it has perpetuated against the human race through our own blind stupidity (I’m still upset about WWI, ok??? please don’t touch me).

There was magic in this book, in Olive’s fairytales, in the puppet shows of a family friend: but it’s magic that the matriarch in particular is using to encapsulate herself. It’s not a childlike reverence for things we forget about as we age; it’s a hiding. It’s a sort of disappearance into ourselves and our storytelling because we can’t bring ourselves to look at the material world in all its varying shades of shit and wonder.

Anyway, I had feelings, ok?

If You Like: Italian people, anatomically impressive statues, and erotic descriptions of marble (seriously, I think my dude Michelangelo might have put his penis in a block or two of it)

Read: The Agony and the Ecstasy by Irving Stone 

This is a biographical novel of Michelangelo which begins when he is thirteen and still in the very beginning throes of his artistic talents. Stone apparently read through Michelangelo’s entire personal correspondence (and patiently waited years for it all to be translated) and also moved to Italy to write this, so that’s dedication, and the least you can do to repay it is sit through the sometimes vaguely uncomfortable descriptions of Michelangelo’s artwork and his sexual tension with it.

While this doesn’t have the literary merits of the previous recommendations, it’s meticulous historical fiction; Stone painstakingly recreated Michelangelo and his work. It’s an interesting peek into a niche section of art history and also covers part of the turbulent Renaissance period and the powerful politics at play which snare the hapless Michelangelo when all he wants to do is sculpt (and probably wank to) realistic marble people, goddammit. It’s entirely believable as a biography (though it is, in fact, fiction).

Bonus: Michelangelo’s poetry, which was not a thing I even knew about prior to reading this book.

[dwightkschrute]

In 2014 and 2015 I did a my year in review kind of thing where I, of course, reviewed it and accompanied it with a picture from that month. I somehow forgot to post 2016 (until now) and forgot to do it at all for 2017 but unfortunately, I am back with a really disappointing year. I was debating not putting myself through the legit pain of “reviewing” this year but I think of how I love going through my 2009-2010 posts and seeing how much I’ve grown so this is for you, successful and cooler future me.

2016 and 2017 were amazing but 2018 was my most promising year. My boyfriend and I were going to move in, I was going to start my dream job; everything was perfect. It definitely started out as one of the best years of my life! Then exactly halfway through the year everything changed and I was left having to pick up the pieces and completely restart, making it one of the worst years of my life.

I started January in Mexico, which was the best, but my family and I got home early in the month. I had quit my job the month before so I dedicated the entirety of this month to job hunting. Our friend (my bf’s bff who became mine and my brother’s bff early on)’s dad got a boat so it was like we got a boat too because despite the cold, we lived on it. (My boyfriend couldn’t go on the trip with us, which he was super bummed about (and that we had to spend like 10 days apart which was killer then), so he was the one to pick us up at the airport and he greeted me with a bouquet of flowers. Out of the many gifts/gestures he gave me, that was one of my favorites.)

February I started my amazing new job so life was back to 40 hour work weeks and not having much time for much else. I was always attached to the hip to my bf so almost every day after work entailed going out with him or having dinner with my family or his. That was my month. My favorite part of every February is Valentine’s Day and this one was as amazing as the rest. I don’t even have enough space (of the allotted space I give myself for each entry at least!) to describe that day. (My bf at our Valentine’s Day dinner. We finished our long day at this restaurant (so, so cool, once popular with Old Hollywood stars) on Hollywood Blvd and it was dreamy and romantic and amazing.) Oh man, I don’t have a lot of interesting things to say about March. Oh, my parents got Influenza (A/B/idk tbh), so it was two weeks of my brother, bf, and I taking care of them. My dad has a serious chronic disease so it was especially dangerous for him so it was a stressful time. Once we weren’t in hazmat suits anymore (no but really, we were gloved and double masked around them and kept them quarantined), I’d be at work or with my bf. I also started to get close with a co-worker, who I quickly became close friends with! (My bf’s two huskies. I’ve just loved that picture since I took it! I’ve never been loved by a dog more than the one in the back of this pic. Not even by my own! He has a special place in my heart.)

April was barbecues at my house or my bf’s, trying every brewery and bar around, hikes, bike rides, beach visits, baseball games, boat rides, late night cooking and baking. It was lots and lots of love and happiness and I would give absolutely anything to go back to those days. (My brother and bf grilling on Easter. This was a familiar scene, I have so many pictures of this exact scenario, yet looking at it just now made me so emotional! Stop! They’re just grilling!) May was so exciting! Very first day I got a new car! I was so happy! It was long overdue because my finicky, expensive Volkswagen had to go and I’d fallen in love with the new Honda Civic (I’ll admit I have basic taste but I don’t care!) so I finally bit the bullet and did it. This month my bf and I, after a long time of “oh wouldn’t it be nice!”, bit the bullet as well and decided to finally get serious about finding a place together. So the apartment search started, but we soon realized our home, Orange County, was super expensive. My bf, in that “ha ha jk but I’m down if you are” way, suggested we pick up and move to Oregon and I immediately agreed. It just felt right and despite us being the most careful and non-spontaneous people ever, we decided to do it! So we began to research, look for apartments but most importantly, jobs. (My car the day I took it home!)

Uhhhhhh, well, June hurts to think about! We went to visit Portland, where we decided we’d want to live because that’s where the jobs were, on a quick trip since it was strictly “business.” Portland was everything I imagined and more. We loved it and I think we loved playing house in our airbnb more than anything about the city. Back in LAX we came to the easy conclusion that though we lived Portland, that’d require a lot and for our first time moving out we’d like to stay close to home and above anything else, we just wanted to live together as soon as possible. We immediately started to look for places in LA, we spent the month apartment hunting, and towards the end of it, decided on one we really liked, one he begged me to please say yes to so we can move in already. I was so, so, so happy this month but what made me happier was seeing my bf, I swear, even happier than me. I seriously felt unstoppable and was beyond excited for our future. (I had a lot of Portland pictures to choose from but my bf and I liked this one because it reminded us of Always Sunny for some reason.)

In July, everything changed. To start, I left my job. I thought, new chapter in my life, new job coming, I’ll live really far, I should leave now. So I did. My last day was an emotional day because I loved my job so much and every single person I worked with. That very same day, my bf and I broke up. For unrelated reasons to my last day, to our moving in, to our relationship, etc. We had an amazing, amazing relationship but he has a lot of demons and issues/insecurities he has to deal with and conquer, and though I was aware and was there for him and would continue to be by his side no matter what, he decided that this was a battle he had to handle by himself and I figure before he got into a more committed situation. It didn’t have to happen, though. I hadn’t talked about the specifics of the breakup on my blog so  sorry for changing the mood of the post, but yeah, July happened and it felt like my world stopped. Really regret quitting my job now, huh? I was hit by two huge losses and changes right at the same time.  (I took this on my friend’s boat 20 tequila shots in, drunk and sad as fuck. Not to get fake deep but how sad. Literally on a boat, beautiful sunset, would rather die.)

August was a blur and I’m still not convinced I didn’t just dream it. God, alright, here we go, the rest of the year is a mess so get ready. I fell into a deep depression fast. It also didn’t help that my dad had to start getting radiation/infusions for his illness shortly after the breakup. I couldn’t believe how much my life had changed. I started dating someone else and then I dated another guy shortly after. I wanted to replace and/or forget and I really thought that’d be the solution. I was miserable when I was with them. I took absolutely any opportunity to get really drunk or high, and the opportunity came often so I spent most of my days desperately trying to not feel anything. The only time I’d feel okay was when I was extremely high and I couldn’t even think. Since I had a lot of savings for my out of state move, I had a lot of money to blow, which I did. I realized I even liked the feeling of the temporary “high” of spending a lot and receiving the stuff. I’d hang out with any friend who offered (out of boredom? loneliness?) and even ended up on a mess of a Vegas trip. Worst month ever. Maybe. (Here’s a positive! I like that bathing suit and my tiddie looks so round!)

When September came I realized two months had passed and all I had done was be a huge depressed mess. I no joke forgot about work. I just straight up forgot. I started to look for a new job, which hurt me so bad because I had to face the fact that it wouldn’t be my Cool LA Dream Job anymore. I stopped dating. Most importantly, I completely stopped drinking and smoking because it’d almost always make me sadder but also it scared me that I had no self control nor did I care. I saw a whole lot of my close friends and they, along with my immediate family, kept me afloat this month because time felt like it was going so fast. I couldn’t believe that at a blink of an eye it was night again and then a new day. Time had no mercy for me, please let me hold on. (Me at a baseball game. Tbh I’m looking at this thinking, did this really happen?)

October started out nice because my best friend of years, who I unfortunately had a falling out with three years ago, reached out to me. I’ll always give her all of the credit for doing that. I can’t begin to explain what this meant to me. It was a nice, bright shine of light that managed to shine through the dark clouds. Having my best friend is exactly what I needed. I’m a big believer in the universe acting in mysterious ways and though I had grown disappointed in its little surprise for me lately, this was the kind I always appreciate. I spent a good part of that month with her, catching up and doing things just like we did back then. It was like nothing had changed. That’s all I remember about this month, and a super fun Halloween! That day was probably one of the best days in months. (My best friend Rylee and me the first time seeing each other in 3 years. We’ve had our blogs for 8-9 years so please follow her for quality content)

November was rough. I was frustrated because surely things should had been better by then. I was still feeling so low, I was going to job interviews to no avail, I “relapsed” and had a high/drunk off my ass on a boat messy moment.. To make matters worse, I accidentally drove up on a cement divider in a parking lot and my airbags deploy, which is so expensive to fix, so my car was out of commission for a month. Then I got so sick and I rarely ever get a small cold. I seriously felt like I was cursed, even the smallest thing felt like an insult towards me. The one good thing is that since July I had been forcing myself to go to the gym five times a week. My mom said exercising was the only thing that’d help her feel that sweet release of seretonin, endorphins, dopamine, and all that good stuff when she was depressed so, though I enjoyed going to the gym before, I did it just for that reason alone. It worked and as another result I got like pretty fucking fit. Revenge body, you’re one of the few good things in my life right now. (I literally had no idea what to choose so I said fine, here’s a pic of the scene of the crime. Whatever.)

In December I turned 26. Which I hate, naturally. I went to a million more job interviews. I’m seriously so embarrassed to admit that but whatever, it’s the truth. (I have a degree, experience, and an awesome cover letter..I’ll keep blaming the curse!) What kept me sane was that we had different family members visiting from the very beginning of the month. Playing with an energetic, adorable baby kept me distracted and happy. Having so much company around also distracted me (slightly, but it helped!) from the fact that the holidays and my birthday would be quite different now. I’m one of those annoying Christmas lovers, usually at least. This year everything just happened and I didn’t care. But I survived December! (I don’t care. This is the appropriate representation of 2018 and how I feel at the end of it.)

Jesus if you’ve read all of this.. I’m sorry you had to read about the mess of my year but really more like the mess that is ME. Yknow those like “people my age I went to HS with vs me” memes? I seriously went from being that bitch with a good paying job, brand new car, a serious, great relationship with a promising future together (Like. We would color coordinate outfits! LMAO. We would have dinners with both of our families together. We were obsessed with each other. You’d roll your eyes if you saw any of this. I can’t get over how perfect we were, it’s hilarious what happened to us.) and then at the blink of an eye I went to not having absolutely any of that, casually dating (something I’d NEVER done) anyone who resembled my ex and sadly and drunkenly puking off the side of a pier. Who is she? I don’t know, I got whiplash. (Queen of parentheses and side notes, I know. But another thing about me is... I’ve never been affected by people leaving my life. I’m used to it. I’ve never been anywhere as affected as I was when my ex and I broke up. This isn’t normal for me, my ENTJ/Capricorn ass doesn’t know what this feeling is.)

Please curse that has been put on me, release me. Whoever is attacking my voodoo doll, calm down! Please! I’ve gone through enough sadness and loss. If 2019 is even slightly as bad, I’m going to be like that pigeon I reblogged the other day that’s like “fuck this I’m just going to sit here.” I can’t even make a cute but corny, hopeful “hope 2019 is great!” comment. I’m literally begging you...pleading you... I don’t believe in karma but after all of this shit, I better have something much better in stock for me. “Good things are coming!” I fucking hope so. Like, I’ll be even more annoying right now and say that it’s not fair that I didn’t get to have the future I was about to have. I don’t care about any cliche you may have for me. One door closes, everything happens for a reason, God has a plan, etc. No. Why did all of this have to happen? What can be better than the future I was going to have? I felt so unlucky. It all feels like a nightmare and I’m just waiting to feel whole again. Oh shit I got really intense. I know I’ll get over it and life will be good again eventually but for now, I am still so mad. I would have never in a million years guessed this is how my 2018 would go. 

So fine, I’ve accepted things now, so now I’m impatient and say please prove me wrong, 2019. I’m THREATENING you to be amazing!

[willgayers]

Some hc of Bev testing her makeup with all the Loser's (Richie marking everyone with the lipstick lol) and each one with a different makeup and my God, they would look BEAUTIFUL!!!1!1!

oh my god holy shit im sorry it literally took me like forever to write this but here you finally go!!! 

ps: mike is my personal favorite here

so beverly is a makeup artist student

and for her final project she has to do different kinds of makeup

like an 80s makeup,, 90s… etc

and she needs six models

what a fun coincidence

so one day she calls all the losers to her own condo downtown

she doesn’t tell them what’s up but she promises there will be pizza and root beer so the boys r like well damn aight

and they show up all together at the same time around 6pm ,,, to find beverly’s makeup all over the living room table and they glance at each other like “….”

ben sighs because the poor boy’s been thru lord knows how many makeup projects already  

“brace yourselves.”

stan is about to sneak out but richie smirks and grabs him by the arm and goes

“you’re not going anywhere stanley you’re gonna be a pretty boy”

stan wants to slap him

beverly walks out of another room and sees her friends and she’s like “hey!!! who wants to go first”

everyone turns to look at ben who looks back at them and he’s like “ugh fine” and walks to the living room

anyway beverly had imagined them to sit in the kitchen eating pizza and waiting for their turn and then one by one come to the living room but she thought wrong bc all the losers are sitting around her and watching curiously as she does ben’s makeup

it’s an 80s makeup look,, some purple/pink eyeshadow , fake lashes ,, strong blush and hot pink lips

“looking hot hanscom” richie winks and ben just rolls his eyes because he’s used to this

“ok who’s next” beverly asks

“eddie!!!!” richie basically shoves his boyfriend to the couch and eddie shots a glare at richie bc he hasn’t even finished his pizza slice yet

“do u wanna eat that first” beverly asks

“yeah just gimme a sec” eddie says and stuffs the rest in his mouth and then swallows

“done,,, now make me gorgeous”

eddie gets a 90s makeup look,, simple nude smokey eye with a little kohl and also nude lips + lipliner. mascara big time because this boy has such pretty lashes

“am i done???” eddie asks

“you’re done” beverly nods “nEXT”

eddie gets up and richie’s staring at him

“what” eddie asks

“you … actually look.. good” richie utters out and eddie blushes a lil but shoves him playfully

“ha-ha richie”

“im sERiOus you’re bEaUtiful what the shit eddie”

eddie just ignores him but glances at his reflection from his iphone screen and kinda likes the look

stan is next

“do i have to do this beverly”

“yes you d-do stan.” bill says from the floor, biting on his pizza. stan shots him a scowl and bill smirks wide bc he’s EXCITED to see what’s gonna come out of this

beverly starts putting makeup on stan and he’s very sUsPicIous because beverly’s been putting eyeliner on his eyes a LOT now

“are you doing me the kiss- band makeup or what”

“you’ll see”

then she starts to put golden lipstick

stan is like wTF

“ok you’re done”

bill is smirking wide at stan so uris grabs the mirror from the table and his eyes widen

he’s cleopatra

“WOW did you seriously just do this” stanley says

“yeah”

stan tilts his head in different directions to see the makeup from every angle

“that’s actually really cool”

stan gets up and then sits down to the floor next to beverly

“ok mike you’ve been sitting quietly for the whole time. your turn” beverly says and mike tries to hide behind his pizza box

“miiiiichaaeeeeelll” richie is winking from the corner

“MICHAEL” stanley fakes a super low voice and mike sighs and puts the box down before he sits on the sofa too

mike is getting the old man look google results for this one suck btw 

and the losers have a hard time trying to hold in their laughter as beverly’s doing his face

they try to think that ok,,, it’s not that fun but every time they look at mike again they all start cackling

“WHAT IS IT!!!” mike tries

“you’ll see” beverly smirks

“wHAT iS IT cOmE ON gUyS I CAN SEE YOUR FACES ITS SOMETHING BAD ISNT IT” mike is starting to laugh too

“see for yourself” beverly hands him the mirror and mike bursts out laughing

“oh my… oh my oh my,” he fakes an old man voice and they all laugh again

my favorite ship is losers club + freakin HAPPINESS

once they’ve finally cooled down it’s bill’s turn

“OH oh oH can you do something super pretty with bill’s face” stan asks bc he’s starting to get really into this whole thing

“sure” beverly nods “im gonna do him the 2010’s look”

“which is???”

“contour and stuff like that”

bill swallows and blushes a little as he sees the excitement on stanley’s face

in the back of the room mike is still doing grandpa impressions and eddie and richie and ben are losing it

“so you’re gonna use that one now. okay and now that one. uh-huh… interesting” stan is watching very closely

bill is done!

“wow.” stan just says

“what” bill asks

“eyebrow game STRONGgGGg right” beverly smirks at stan

“yAaasSS GIRLLLL” stanley jokes 

“well well well,” ben speaks from the corner “there’s only one left”

everyone turns to look at richie at the same time and tbh he feels a little scared because these people don’t look like his friends

“alright you bunch of drag queens and the godfather im going”

“whatcha gonna make me bevs” richie asks as he jumps down on the couch

“well first im gonna shove your hair out of your face”

she shoves richie’s hair back from his forehead with a pink hair band on and eddie smirks in the corner bc richie looks funny. but also cute

actually all of them think he looks cute like that

beverly starts to pat something weird and thick on richie’s nose and richie’s a little disgusted

“what are you doing…”

“im giving you a bigger nose”

“wHY”

“just let me do it ok”

sounds fake but ok,, richie thinks and just stares at beverly 

then she grabs something that looks like a piece of flesh and richie yelps out

“WHAT THE fUcK IS THAT”

“it’s a fake scar”

“ARE YOU MAKING ME THE FREAKIN LEATHERFACE”

stan and bill laugh in the front row

“no,,,” beverly rolls her eyes in amusement

once the scar is on richie’s face beverly starts putting on some guyliner

“ah!!! i get who you’re doing!!! because of the hair right???” eddie then asks

“yeah the hair inspired me” beverly says

then she pulls out a fake mustache and richie’s eyes widen

they all burst out laughing as beverly’s trying to put it on richie’s face but he keeps on scrunching his nose and twisting his lips

“rICHIE STAY STILL” beverly tries

“BUT IT TICKLES”

the mustache is finally on and beverly lets richie’s hair fall loose

“now who the hell am i” richie asks and grabs the mirror

he’s captain hook (just imagine the scar somewhere)

“WOW” he says

“like it???”

“i look fucking badass”

“what do you think eds should i keep the mustache ;-)”

“pls dont”

“how come,,, i think you could totally rock that look”

“thanks michael i think so too”

bev looks at the clock and it’s 10pm already

”finally done,,,, im starving gosh" beverly is about to get up but richie shoves her back down

“uhm no. i think it’s only fair we do your makeup too”

“what???”

“that’s actually a f-funny idea.” bill says

stan is already picking out some makeup he thinks looks interesting

“SIT DOWN BEVVY” richie smirks and pulls her to the couch

“oh my god please at least give me some pizza” beverly begs and ben hands her the box

“thanks babe” beverly goes and ben turns bright pink

mike nudges him on the side and gives him a creepy old guy wink

“what are you even gonna make me” beverly asks as she munches on her pizza and eddie is applying foundation on her face

“we’re gonna make you,,,, beautiful.” richie just simply says, starting to draw her eyebrows

“move over tozier” stanley goes and shoves himself between richie and eddie,,, starting to tap blue and orange eyeshadow to beverly’s eyelids

“oh my g-god stan…” bill mumbles

“shut UP william, this looks amazing” stanley says concentrated

eddie’s done with foundation so he moves away and bill starts doing the bronzer

mike and ben are debating whether they should put nude or bright blue lipstick

boys think the blue one is COOL

so they decide to use that one

the makeup is done and they all stare at beverly,,, looking impressed and incredibly proud of their work

almost a happy tear rolls from the corner of stanley’s eye because now, he is an makeup artist

“WAIT!” richie then says

“what???” they all ask

“one more final add.”

he grabs a black eyeliner and a red lipstick and kneels in front of beverly,,, starting to write to her forehead with the eyeliner

the losers snicker a little and eddie rolls his eyes

then richie puts the eyeliner away and grabs the red lipstick and creates something with one swift move

“done” he says and drops the lipstick to the table

he grabs the tiny mirror and hands it to beverly, who starts to laugh

she has blue/orange eyeshadow, overly thick eyeliner, way too narrow eyebrows, too much bronzer, shock blue lipstick and the word LOSER on her forehead, a V over the S just like eddie’s cast had it

“WELL???” richie asks

“a beautiful look boys. im proud of you”

and they are all so smitten

especially stan

@superbyersbros @xbell22 @donthateonk8 @stenbroughbros @reddiebrekmyheart@itsgreywaterrichie @donvex @blueeyespurpleskies@ageorgymi@oh-youre-the-worst@eddiekaaspbraak @whipashwhipash @rissyq @richietoaster @edskasqbrak@urtury@bukiminajimu @kcutieeesblog @stansmansuris @adorefack @reddieaddict @icyeyes102@denbroughbill @graveyardshipper @taletellingsir@anxiety-freak-yuuri @rheddie@queertrashmouth @richiefreakingtozier@castletozier @tohzier @80soleff @lonewolfhard @low-key-dying @sad-synth @richietoaster @badboyharrington @beepbeep-losers @temptedtozier@kaspbraccs@kylieee827-blog @sad-synth @low-key-dying@officiallyreddie@reddietofall @stanleyboii @eternitynurarms @remushlupin@turtleneckrichie@rosegoldrichie @80srichie @asteroidbill @lonewolfhard