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goblinsofdiscord · 5 months

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The Enneagram Explained ⚔️ Defence Mechanisms & Self-Sabotaging Behaviors 💣🔪

By Larissa

(This is an excerpt from a workshop I taught in 2023) If you want the accompanying "Unf*ck Yourself" mini workshop + pdf workbook join the membership and get it instantly. I apologize for how dry and cringe the names/descriptions are.

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One of the main ways you can stop operating out of autopilot, quit the shit patterns and actually get what you want is by:

Being with the discomfort of not operating out of your personality trap + shadow (being conscious, making different choices, regulating your nervous system in the moment with breath, tapping, affirmations).

Integrating the opposite of your personality's "belief" (the shadow).

This sounds simple but it actually requires a considerable amount of bravery and determination. Which is why most people who learn the Enneagram don’t actually use it for self-growth. Because it’s more fun to chit chat about and study than to actually apply to our own lives.

The personality’s belief structure creates behaviors and defense mechanisms. These beliefs and behaviors create the shadow.

The defense mechanisms come from Freud's psychoanalytic theories and have been correlated to Enneagram theory by multiple sources and evolved over time with other people's ideas (Fritz Perls, Oscar Ichazo, Helen Palmer, Naranjo, etc). I won’t be getting into any of that, I’m just going to apply them in how I see them as useful. I’ve also added behaviors that I notice in each of the types.

I’m not sharing these to shame anyone or be judgmental, because we’re ALL doing at least one, if not three or more of these patterns. I’m using the Enneagram as a framework to show you how to spot patterns, unuseful beliefs and shadow at a much quicker pace than if you’re just doing it from just generic journaling prompts or waiting for something to “happen” before you address it. This way you have a pathway to start looking at the problems before your life goes to total shit.

Each type’s flawed belief (“If I am not ___ I don’t exist /I am not me/I am not safe”) manifests itself through behaviors and actions.

This process is unconscious. Even if you were aware that you were doing some of this stuff, it’s not your fault. It’s what we were programmed to do. But by integrating our shadow and coming into acceptance and wholeness we get to make better choices, think supportive thoughts, feel better, more useful and aligned feelings. And you can also catch yourself in the act and check yourself before you wreck yourself.

ENNEAGRAM TYPE 1 - “DADDY”

1’s prefer to see themselves as being conscientious and above the degenerate riff raff. They’re proper, correct and in integrity, therefore they cannot see themselves as lazy, foolish, wrong, messy or "bad.” Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow.

1’s avoid outwardly expressing anger to remain “objective” and in control. Because expressing “anger” is “bad.” To be imperfect, incompetent, wrong or out-of-control is death to the 1. This mechanism reinforces the 1's ego because it assures them that they are right, proper, perfect, and correct. Therefore, their survival and identity continues. However, because the 1 is an anger/gut type, they’re constantly churning irritation factories.

If the 1 catches themselves in the act, or someone else does (gasp), it may increase the dissonance between the Shadow and Unintegrated Self if they don’t understand that it’s just their personality bs. Because the 1 utilizes “anger” they are unlikely to allow themselves to see themselves as incorrect, in the wrong, imperfect.

How this manifests:

Reaction Formation: 1’s can express the opposite of their actual feelings and desires. They do this to reinforce their ego as “not being angry” (being perfect, right, correct, proper, good). Expressing anger is “bad” or what people who have no self-control do.

Channeling unexpressed anger into physical activities - going hog wild on cleaning, obsessively exercising, restricting food/hedonistic delights, perfectionism fixations, taking a red pen to their life.

Criticality + judgmental concerns projected onto people around them, for their “own good.” To the 1 they’re being responsible, doing the right thing.

Splitting: Seeing things in black and white under stress (this is good, this is evil). In super low health this can lead to extreme behaviors, like witch-hunting, finger-pointing, being the ‘voice of God’ / judge, jury and executioner.

Rationalization: 1's can rationalize to justify their self-righteousness. “This is the most correct, right, or efficient way to do the thing, therefore I am right and you are wrong.” If you don’t do what I say, it will be to your own detriment.

Hypocrisy: Projecting their own denied desires, feelings and even private behaviors by condemning the same desires, feelings and behaviors in others. They know the right way to be, and you are not being it. They can become preachy about whatever they take issue with, in order to unconsciously overcompensate for their secret bad behavior or naughty thoughts. This ties directly to Shadow Work, because 1's and 1-fixers can have a pungent Shadow full of all kinds of misdeeds and “dark” desires, but be totally blind to them while criticizing others for the same things.

Example: The anti-gay politician who is having an affair with a man, or the barbiturate-poppin' mom who wages a neighborhood campaign against drugs.

OCD: Obsessively creating more order and rightness in their physical environment, relationships, or self. They can go into “perfecting” mode in order to feel in control of something they cannot control, where they exert order onto their surroundings and right wrongs (like becoming obsessed with cleanliness in their home or laying out ‘rules’ that others must follow).

ENNEAGRAM TYPE 2 - “MOMMY”

2’s prefer to see themselves as being loving, nurturing, selfless, self-sacrificing, caring towards others, concerned and kind-hearted. Therefore they cannot see themselves as selfish, self-centered, giving to get, cold, heartless or "bad”. Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow.

2’s avoid feeling selfish or needy, by refusing to directly ask to get their needs met or receive what they truly wish from others. 2's unconsciously repress these needs and desires to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are self-sacrificing, needed, good and loving. Therefore their survival continues.

If the 2 catches themselves in the act, or someone else does (gasp), it may increase the dissonance between the Shadow and Unintegrated Self if they don’t understand that it’s just their personality bs. Because the 2 utilizes “pride” they are unlikely to allow themselves to wallow or even acknowledge any wrongdoing or selfishness on their part. It’s the other person’s fault, the 2 is blameless.

How this manifests:

Repression: 2’s hide their needs and "selfish" desires from themselves in order to maintain their caring and indispensable self-image. They use Repression to AVOID feeling needy, unnecessary or rejected. Because of their type structure, they can't see how they are in need of anyone else's help or how they are anything other than self-sacrificing. They cover up these feelings with flattery, offers of help, being intrusive and overly nice.

2’s prioritize others’ needs in the hopes someone will prioritize theirs. But then when that happens, the 2 goes into rejection mode and wants to get back into position as ‘the helper’ as that’s where their identity is invested.

The 2 projects their needs onto those around them by being overly helpful or intrusive. If they feel like they're not being appreciated or getting their needs met, they can move into covertly "punishing" behaviors to the person they keep giving to or subconsciously create situations in which the person might be forced to give back to them.

Example: The 2 wants help cleaning from their spouse, so over-cleans to the point where they become ill so that their partner is forced to pick up the slack or show them care for all of their self-sacrificing. This can also manifest in ways like them offering to do something and then making the other person wait to receive if they are feeling secretly resentful or not shown adequate appreciation or having their self-image adequately validated.

In low health, 2’s can use “Identification” to take on the needs and worries of those around them as if it’s theirs. They become fretful over other people’s problems. Anything that hurts their loved one hurts them. And it becomes covertly narcissistic, wherein they can make someone else’s suffering about themselves, but also their wins. “If it wasn’t for my help, they wouldn’t have accomplished that.” They can secretly (or not secretly) want undue credit for “help” they’ve provided (whether solicited or not).

2’s use “Reframing” in collaboration with “Repression.” They can reframe their intentions (to maintain a pride in their pure and loving intentions) and reframe others intentions too, lest it burst the sugar-coated bubble they’re desiring to live in or reflect back to them that they’re unwanted.

ENNEAGRAM TYPE 3 - “SHAPESHIFTER”

3’s like to see themselves as impressive, competent, successful and admired or valued for what they do or are. Therefore they cannot see themselves as losers, failures, or less than others. Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow.

3’s avoid feeling like a failure or worthless by adapting to external ideals, competing, and striving. 3's unconsciously use “Identification” to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are valuable, worthy, admired and successful. Therefore their survival continues.

If the 3 catches themselves in the act, or someone else does (gasp), it may increase the dissonance between the Shadow and Unintegrated Self if they don’t understand that it’s just their personality bs. Because the 3 utilizes “deceit” they are unlikely to allow themselves to own their failings or true feelings if it interferes with the image they’re projecting.

How this manifests:

3's use "Identification" as a defense mechanism, by unconsciously assimilating with the "other." They use this to avoid feeling like a failure. How this shows up is that they take on the traits, characteristics, attributes, aesthetics, preferences, values and mannerisms of important people in their life, groups, people they see as valuable and those they admire or envy. They do this to create an image of success (to themselves and/or others).

Denial/Projection: 3’s can blame others for their failures or what isn’t working for them, offloading image fails onto others to distance themselves from shame. Just like they can take on others traits/behaviors/stories, they can offload those same things onto others as well.

Deception: This collection of traits is their "self image" and where their ego and self-worth resides, and because their external sources and what is valued may change, it can give 3's a shapeshifter quality depending on who or what they're surrounded by, what they value, what they do. Underneath this layer of shiny baubles is still a 'shame type' and so without this sometimes fragile self-image being upheld they are but a raw, shameful nerve. Because of this, they can lose contact with their own internal compass, needs, desires and their authentic self. They prioritize what gets them those positive hits and bolsters their ego/self-image. They can be totally asleep to this inner incongruence, and be deceiving themselves, especially in lower levels of health.

Numbing/Workaholism: 3’s can use numbing so they don’t get stuck in the emotional swamp and become unproductive. They can power down the “I’m a failure, I’m upset, I’m emotional” aspect and power up the drive to override emotional slop that might get in their way. They might override this with going hard into working around the clock, substances, shopping/spending a lot or doing something flashy to bolster their self-image.

Competition: 3’s can get caught up in competition, using others as a stepping stone or a way to boost their own image by comparison (“see how much better of a job I’m doing than Ted.”) They might do this to the point where they end up chasing someone else’s dreams and totally shooting themselves in the foot.

ENNEAGRAM TYPE 4 - “DISDAINFUL DEPRESSIVE”

4’s like to see themselves as separate, uniquely flawed, deep, and the special exception. Therefore they cannot see themselves as mundane, relatable, ordinary, adaptable, or even for many 4’s functional. Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow.

4’s avoid feeling mundane, ordinary, relatable, shallow, functional or happy. 4's unconsciously self-sabotage and focus on the negative and what’s frustrating, to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are deep, different, uniquely flawed and unlike anyone else. Therefore their survival continues.

If the 4 catches themselves in the act, or someone else does (gasp), it may increase the dissonance between the Shadow and Unintegrated Self if they don’t understand that it’s just their personality bs. Because the 4 utilizes envy (what is missing) they are unlikely to allow themselves to see where they are functional, relatable, understandable or even happy. They subconsciously craft a self-image that rejects any "positive" information about themselves that comes into conflict with this existing "negative" image.

How this manifests:

Introjection: Introjection is presented as absorbing another person's identity or feelings (like a parent) and transferring it to themselves. However, it's more nuanced and specific than that for 4’s. 4's aren't just taking in any old information, they're unconsciously taking in evidence that they are broken, estranged, alien, fucked up and damaged - and this is great news to them. While the external world may be giving the 4 fuel, their experience has almost nothing to do with the outside world. The outside world is just serving to fuel the 4's internal narrative. The 4 weaves these evidentiary mementos into a story. They identify with specific negative traits that reinforce that they are separate, rare, deeply flawed so as to never quite be understood or capable of being happy and functional.

They do this unconsciously as a way to cope with the pain of feeling broken, unwanted, dysfunctional and different. They weave the negative narratives into their identity and shape it into a way that makes them feel in control of it, to project depth and meaning onto it vs someone or something outside of themselves creating their story and making it shallow. The more they associate into this negative state, the more dysfunctional they can become and the more it supports their type's ego structure. Without these narratives they feel naked and non-existant. Because their self-image is inherently negative, they are “positively” associated with being in a negative, frustrated, unsatisfied state.

Idealization: Idealizing people or situations as a way to generate feelings to pull the 4 away from the mundane reality/experience. This idealization is a frustration pattern designed to keep them in a loop of disappointment and longing because nothing will ever live up to what they hope, something will always be missing and the 4 can never truly actualize or be happy as a result. And if it is everything they’ve ever wanted, the 4 is likely to find something wrong anyway or create a problem where there is none.

As a result, the 4 might self-sabotage opportunities that would actually aid them in being functional, capable, happy, or get them what they claim they want. They may discard things, people, ideas, pursuits if they feel too easy, cheap, relatable, mundane. Or keep churning up issues and provocations that will lead to them being able to say, “see, I never get to have what I want.” Or “I knew no one would understand.”

Splitting: 4’s reject what’s “not me” and often find what’s not to their tastes or “not me” disgusting. Everything that’s not in the frustrated realm that the 4 approves of is superficial, shallow, ugly, vapid, horrible, etc. For the faceless masses, not the 4. Being at odds with reality helps reinforce their self-identity. I’m not like that, therefore I’m deep.

Because 4’s are usually creative or self-identify with the idea of being an artist/writer/creative, their tragically romantic, broken and disdainful views can be expressed through their art. They may overdo it in making it unpalatable or abstract. Or if they become popular they may self-sabotage their own success or self-image by being provocative, turning on their fans/the public, becoming moody, self-destructive or unpredictable. They’ll likely move away from what is expected or desired by their fanbase, even if they secretly desire an audience. Or maybe they’ll over-specify how they present themselves and shroud themselves in mystery in a way that others cannot easily relate to, they can only *bear witness.*

ENNEAGRAM TYPE 5 - “BRUNDLEFLY”

5’s like to see themselves as insightful, competent, self-sufficient, independent and objective. Therefore they cannot see themselves as emotional, human, helpless or dependent on others. Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow.

5’s avoid feeling dependent on others, helpless, depleted, or engulfed in the messy world. 5's unconsciously retreat inwards and withhold energy and information, detach, and compartmentalize to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are competent, objective, smarter than everyone else and above the mortal coil.

Because the 5 utilizes avarice (hoarding inner resources) they are unlikely to allow themselves to allow themselves to be put in a position where they are “needed” for anything outside of the scope of their specific interest/competency focus, or entangle themselves with hot messes (people or situations). Of all the types, this is maybe the one that is least likely to give a shit if they have a shadow, tbh.

How this manifests:

Isolation: 5’s retreat and protect their inner sanctum from being invaded or picked clean by the outside world. They use isolation to avoid dependence on others or having to be interlaced with their chaotic whims and needs which may disrupt what the 5 would rather be doing with their time (some kind of mind pursuit). They may design their entire lives to protect themselves against intrusion.

Detachment: 5’s use detachment as a means to cope when they feel overwhelmed. They disconnect from and retreat from their own and others’ unstable feelings. In order to feel competent and safe and conserve their mental resources, they can cut all contact or need for the outside world.

They use ‘rejection’ methods of cutting off and compartmentalizing to ensure they’re not swallowed up in the messy ass human bullshit of this humdrum existence. This may show up as minimizing their needs (physical, relational, financial, emotional). They’re the most likely to live in some secret, off-grid tiny home. Not the one with all the gardens and crops and goats, but the one that has the bare minimum to survive where they can focus on their studies or whatever their mental obsession is, far away from other people.

They can have totally hidden worlds within worlds that others know nothing about. Each world dangerously close to being lopped off at a moment’s notice if the 5 sees no use for it anymore. They dump all of their energy into their main pursuit because it’s where they feel “safe” and valuable, and so the outside world interfering with that feels like an attack on their very existence. By overdoing this one area of “competency” they can actually make themselves unable to actually be independent or functional. So to them they may seem overly competent, but to the outside world they may seem bizarre and dysfunctional.

5’s use compartmentalization of emotions, energy, and relationships. Separating their thoughts from feelings, and putting people into boxes to be dealt with or utilized instead of truly connected to. This can have a dehumanizing effect on the people around them who don’t want to only interact with the 5 when they have the inner resources or only interact with them on narrow and specific terms. By doing this, the 5 effectively shuts out having to deal with whatever they don’t want to but also hacks off pieces of their own heart, spirit, and humanity which is the only true place to create and mine for the insights and independence they seek.

ENNEAGRAM TYPE 6 - “CITIZEN EMO”

6’s like to see themselves as loyal, hardworking, just a regular person, authentic, responsible, fair and connected to the family/community/tribe, etc. Therefore they cannot see themselves as bad, traitorous, pompous or “too good.” Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow.

6’s avoid feeling unsafe, uncertain or abandoned in their attachments and support systems (physical, group, partner). 6's unconsciously seek security/safety (and dangers), truth (and lies) and support systems they can trust and rely on to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are accepted, part of the tribe, safe, secure, supported and prepared. Therefore their survival continues.

If the 6 catches themselves in the act, or someone else does (gasp), it may increase the dissonance between the Shadow and Unintegrated Self if they don’t understand that it’s just their personality bs. Because the 6 utilizes “fear” (and anxiety) they are unlikely to allow themselves to relax, ease up, stop hunting for discrepancies or what could go wrong.

How this manifests:

Projection: 6’s project their worst fears and worst case intentions onto other people. They’re always sniffing out danger in the world and in their connections. Who’s being disloyal? Who’s up to no good? They can engage in investigative, gossipy behaviors, seeking out clues of their worst fears. Sometimes they project their own behaviors, feelings and thoughts onto others and then fear being blamed or accused (which leads to projecting).

On the flipside, they can project idolization fantasies onto “experts”, simping people who they can put all their trust and outsource their thinking to. They do this to create certainty within themselves.

Worst Case Scenario: Projections can also show up as “predictions” where the 6 may anticipate the worst and then by overfocusing on this negative outcome, they manifest it into reality. Their worst case scenario becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. (“See! I knew the basement was going to flood!” Or “See! I knew you’d cheat on me!”) This churning distrust has them always on the hunt, and never feeling safe.

Splitting: Like other types they can see things in “black and white”, good or bad, you’re with me or against me. 6’s can be tribal and overly-identified to their “side” - whether that’s ideologically, politically, religiously or just in their general friend groups.

Outsourcing anxiety: They can overdose on anxiety in order to reach equilibrium. They project their internal anxieties into the outside world in the hopes that someone else will solve the problem for them. Like constantly bringing people’s attention to the negative or what could go wrong. They cannot rest until someone else validates and matches their concern. They want help to deal with the problem (real or imagined) and for someone else to assuage their fears.

Redirect overwhelming fears from one source onto another source that they feel is easier to manage (like a loved one, peer, boss).

Rebellion: 6’s can get anti-authoritarian when their trust is broken, they’re disappointed, or they engage in “splitting.” They can be mega social justice warriors and fight for what is “right”, but in doing so they can totally lose perspective and go so hard in fighting for justice that they actually become the bad guy.

6’s can also be hypochondriacs with their anxiety. Excessive worrying, creating symptoms and scenarios out of the ether. They can circle the drain, fixating on problem after potential problem. They can literally bring forth a potential health catastrophe into reality with constant focus on it. This paranoia can manifest in many ways, but sometimes they’re right!

Self-deprecation: They also may use self-deprecation or humor, or presenting as an “underdog” as a way to deflect being targeted or being seen as too big for their britches. They can project this onto other with a ‘tall poppies’ or ‘crabs in the bucket’ mentality.

ENNEAGRAM TYPE 7 - “MAD HATTER HEDONIST”

7’s like to see themselves as interesting, exciting, innovative, individualistic, creative and fun. Therefore they cannot see themselves as boring, normal, part of the grind or a downer. Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow.

7’s avoid feeling trapped, limited, stifled, cut off and bored. 7's unconsciously seek new, interesting people/things/situations/interests to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are fascinating, buoyant, original and compelling creatures. Therefore their survival continues.

Because the 7 utilizes “gluttony” they are unlikely to allow themselves to stagnate for too long, moving onto the next thing and the next thing and the next thing.

How this manifests:

Rationalization: Which means the 7 can subconsciously (or consciously) rationalize away shitty behaviors and dodge responsibility. They are usually averse to their specific flavours of what is “painful” and will reframe reframe reframe themselves up up up and away from whatever that source of “pain” is. Whether it’s the guilt of doing something awful, or the fall-out of saying something flippantly, or the consequences of a thoughtless action. They’re especially prone to rationalizing if making the pain conscious means they’re not able to do, be or have something they desire.

Distraction: They go into distraction seeking mode via hedonism, intellectual stimulation, adventures, extreme sports, partying, being totally manic and creating for 3 days straight, shopping, etc when they want to avoid discomfort, pain, boredom.

Repression: They use repression to bury negative emotions (in whatever flavour they despise) and push away anything that makes them feel like they’ve been victimized. 7’s can be emotional and melodramatic but it’s in the flavour they find the most interesting. They’re not here to be a boring victim or cry themselves to sleep every night over a loser.

Anticipation/Planning: They can over idealize an outcome to the point where they are more about getting the dopamine hits off anticipation than actually doing the thing or seeing whatever their harebrained scheme is through to completion.

Entitlement: 7’s can be massive brats about getting what they want. As frustration types they’re often focused on what they don’t have and what they want, but because they’re assertive they’re more likely to chase after it, expect it to be given to them, or push people out of the way to get it.

Pleasure-seeking/Hedonism: 7’s reject that which is not pleasurable because there’s nothing in it for them. When 7’s get into this “thank you, next” pattern it can become impossible for them to actualize or stick to something long enough for them to enjoy the fruits of all their initial excitement. The sparkle fades and there’s nothing tasty for the 7 to stick around and lick, so they’re likely to start looking for something else.

Rebellion: Like 6’s, 7’s can also be rebellious, but their reasons for rebelling are likely centered around freedom (literally or freedom of expression), anti-censorship, pro-individuality/individual choice. They can also just rebel for the hell of it if they’re bored, or if there are hot people associated with a cause.

ENNEAGRAM TYPE 8 - “FINAL BOSS”

8’s like to see themselves as powerful, invulnerable, independent, intimidating IDGAF leaders. Therefore they cannot see themselves as weak, under someone else’s heel, being controlled, powerless or soft. Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow.

8’s avoid feeling weak, vulnerable, powerless, small or allowing anything to threaten them. 8's unconsciously deny vulnerabilities and weaknesses to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are indeed powerful and no one can or will fuck with them. Therefore their survival continues.

Because the 8 utilizes “lust” they are unlikely to allow themselves to put themselves in a position where they could be steamrolled, deprived, slowed down or made small or powerless.

How this manifests:

Denial: 8’s use “Denial” by rejecting their own vulnerabilities or weaknesses. This can show up as denying emotions, fears, thoughts that don’t serve the 8’s ego identification of being powerful. They can also completely deny the existence of any perceived weak points that an “enemy” could use against them. If possible, they will lop off anyone or anything that causes them agitation (people, situations) or seems like a threat to their inner or outer sanctuary that they’ve created.

Rejection/Coldness: They can view softness and receptivity as death. If they weaken for a moment, they’ll get screwed over or tricked.

Reaction Formation: 8’s can express the opposite of how they feel. So they can feel really hurt but act like they’re emotionally impervious. You have no effect on the 8. You don’t matter. If you’ve wounded their steel heart, you’ll pay the price. Like the 7 they can deny victimhood, but they might personally feel quite slighted and seek revenge to get the ball back in their court, the power back in their hands, for how the person made them feel.

Aggression/assertiveness: 8’s can take up space and project an air of confidence in order to pre-defend against would-be attacks. Showing up with big bear or chaos demon energy ensures no one will fuck with them and that they’ll get what they want. Therefore they can be domineering, bossy, straight-shooters. My way or the highway.

Control/conquering: 8’s can be hyper controlling and even paranoid, depending on their position and the situation. They can take on the role of puppetmaster or dictator, to ensure things happen according to their plan and they’re not at the whims of someone else or underneath someone else’s thumb.

Justification: 8’s can be impulsive with their anger and feeling absolutely justified. The desired effect can be to crush whatever is pissing them off with their brutality and force.

ENNEAGRAM TYPE 9 - “SOOTHING SQUISH”

9’s like to see themselves as chill, empathetic, caring, supportive and deep. Therefore they cannot see themselves as provocative, disruptive, thoughtless, aggressive or selfish. Of course, when going too hard into the personality type’s false belief, it creates a big ol’ shadow.

9’s avoid feeling in conflict and stressed out. 9's unconsciously seek to be in harmony and flow with those around them and their environment to reinforce their type's ego because it assures them that they are chill, harmonious and connected.

If the 9 catches themselves in the act, or someone else does (gasp), it may increase the dissonance between the Shadow and Unintegrated Self if they don’t understand that it’s just their personality bs. Because the 9 utilizes “sloth” they are unlikely to allow themselves to just get after it, make demands, make bold moves.

How this manifests:

Narcotization/Dissociation: 9’s use narcotization which means to numb, to ease discomfort. This can manifest in multiple ways, falling asleep at the wheel of life - outsourcing decisions, independence, physical needs, to others. It can also show up as losing yourself in mindless side-tasks instead of just dealing with problems. They can dissociate from problems by numbing their heart and mind to what’s in front of them, or to just hope it resolves itself without any involvement or disruption to the 9’s existence.

9’s repress their anger in favor of keeping peace. They can be really annoyed and not able to verbalize it until it reaches a crisis point for the 9. The other person may be totally shocked when it happens, especially if the 9 kept telling them that everything was fine.

Passive Aggression: 9’s express how they feel indirectly and hoping the person picks up on their subtle cues without them having to generate conflict. This can also just slip out subconsciously through offhand comments, looks, tone or behaviors. And when confronted with it, they’ll likely recede into a mist and say nothing’s wrong.

9’s can also use “positive reframing”, not unlike 7, but theirs is more used as a numbing agent, smoothing out a dire situation or other people’s malintent, rudeness, or shitty behavior so it doesn’t result in conflict or upset.

Outsourcing: 9’s often give their power away, instead of asking for what they want or expressing themselves without being prompted. They can become disappointed when others fail to mind-read or intuit their needs without them having to assert themselves or vocalize it.

Self-Forgetting: Because 9’s can dance around their location in order to keep the peace and not lose connection, they can forget what they want or how they really feel about something.

Merging: Like 3’s, 9’s merge with the people around them, often taking on their interests, aesthetics, values and even mannerisms. However the 9 isn’t doing it to become an ideal and compete for validation, they do it because they over-identify with the idealized other to create harmony and melt into them.

7’s and 9’s can both procrastinate and get lost in multiple fantasies of possibilities, but the difference is that the 7 is likely taking an active, assertive approach and throwing spaghetti at the wall, whereas the 9’s dreams can fade away if they don’t have another person holding them accountable or a job to show up for or something external.

Ghosting: Instead of just saying “no,” often 9’s will be vague or give a “maybe” or “sure” if they don’t know their location in the moment or don’t want to rock the boat. And then they’ll disappear when followed up with.

SELF-REFLECTION PROMPTS (FOR JOURNALING)

Did you cringe at any of the behaviors listed? did you recognize any of these in yourself?

write out which ones you recognized. no judgment. it's not "you", it's just behaviors Created out of your personality's false belief. Unpack them. go back to the situation. what were you feeling at the time? what was running through your mind?

What did you need to know in that moment to feel totally safe and make a different choice?

What different choice can you make next time?

What would be the worst thing someone could say about you or make you feel?

Is there anything in your life that you can see as you trying to avoid this being said about you, control people's perceptions, or avoiding feeling?

Can you accept this behavior in yourself right now, forgive yourself, and choose to be more consciously aware?

If you want the accompanying "Unf*ck Yourself" mini workshop + pdf workbook join the membership and get it instantly. I apologize for how dry this is. Want to get typed or coached by me? Book here.

#enneagram #enneagram types #enneagram 4 #enneagram 7 #enneagram 8 #enneagram 3 #enneagram 9 #enneagram 6 #enneagram 2 #enneagram 1 #enneagram 5 #Youtube

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charmedreincarnation · 9 months

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hi i’m sorry for this small rant. i really hope you reply to it because i’m spiralling so bad. i have been listening to v powerful luckiest girl and get all your desires instantly forced subs and i had two really bad days and overall my life feels so shit and i feel like nobody gives a shit about me feel left out with my friends and am really regretting some past choices i have made as in subjects i chose to study. why do subs not work on me ever? i detach but subs just don’t work for me idk what should i do i want to enter the void and live my better/dream life but i keep failing and i’m so spiraling so hard rn. i am not even seeing small success i can’t even manifest my acne away or to grow a few inches how will i enter the void and magically change my life entirely. please help me out. how do i manifest or enter the void as soon as i can. i am being delululu living in 4d but yes ik if i am truly living in the end i shouldn’t have doubts but it’s been so many months when will i see results in my 3d. manifestion should be instant right. i’m sorry for my negativity i hope you have a great day

Hi love! I feel like any of this could be answered in another ask, but you seem really worried, so I'm going to answer it anyway!

First and foremost, you are allowed to have doubts. Just because you have doubts doesn't mean you're producing those thoughts. From a psychological perspective (which aligns with LOA), our thoughts are not entirely our own. This is a scientific truth, whether you believe in LOA or not. Scientists say that our thoughts are influenced by external factors such as our environment, upbringing, and the thoughts of others. Sound familiar? They also claim that we have the power to change our thoughts and create our own reality by consciously choosing the thoughts we entertain. So, just know that you're going to have doubts until the end, but as long as you categorize them as random thoughts and not your own beliefs, they don't matter! For example, if someone dressed as Chucky the doll jump-scared you and you started having "scary" thoughts about it, that doesn't mean you actually believe Chucky is real and coming to get you. You have psychological responses to certain things that have been ingrained and coded in you for a while now. What LOA does is help us intercept these false messages and reframe them as "useless" instead of messages we encode in our mind and assumption.

I've always been interested in psychology and neurology, and even though it doesn't directly relate to your question, it's important to mention that you do have a brain, and your brain is wired to act in certain ways. Once you're aware of why you're acting and believing certain things, it becomes way easier to understand that the 3D world is malleable. I really suggest reading books by authors like Joe Dispenza so you can understand yourself better. Also, watching YouTubers who explain anxiety and reading self-help books can provide helpful ways to manage your own anxiety.

The second thing is, if you don't believe in subliminals, I don't know why people do this, but if you don't have faith in something or assume it doesn't work for you, just use something you have a little faith in. For example, maybe you're more logical. You can read about brain waves and then listen to binaural beats for anxiety,manifesting, and faith. Have faith in it, because you'll understand and know that those waves genuinely change your brain's alignment. That's just one example, but subliminals are not the only type of audios out there. There are many other methods to explore.

Also, meditation is very helpful. Not just to reach the void, but do you know how many conscious thoughts we have in a day? On average, it is estimated that a person has around 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts per day. These thoughts can range from conscious, deliberate thoughts to automatic, repetitive thoughts. That doesn't even include the number of unconscious thoughts we have, which is probably 100k+. You constantly have these little things running around in your head, trying to keep you alive, keeping you repeating the same thought patterns, beliefs, and assumptions. You can't consciously control them most of the time, but your brain and mind are working overtime 24/7. It's not your fault, so that's why meditation can help you. Not just to reach the void, though you can tap into that using some form of meditation as well, but to clear your mind and then it’s there it will be better to affirm and believe you can do whatever you desire. If you're not truly embodying the desired state, which you're not because you sent this ask, do you think a few measly affirmations can counteract the hundreds of thousands of thoughts you've been having every day since birth, most of which you don't even know exist? Affirmations do work, but trust me, I've been where you're at and worse. This is not the state to solely rely on "miracle affirmations" because you won't believe them, and when something doesn't happen, you'll just want to give up and confirmation bias will make you subconsciously think, "Well, see? I knew it. It isn’t real" But in reality, your mind is just looking for proof to align with your negative beliefs.

I know you say you haven't manifested anything, but can you really think back to something you thought was a "coincidence" or something you didn't really ask for but it just appeared? We usually brush those off as just the world at play or a small world, but nope, that was you. Maybe you don't have clear skin or whatever your desire may be, but as you probably know, that's because you've put it on a pedestal compared to all the other "small" but great things you've manifested

I know you probably wanted me to tell you exactly what to do, but I genuinely don't know you the way you know yourself - your own self, mind, and behaviors. You know best, fr! I could have said anything I've said before, like imagination is the real reality, the 3D being malleable, if you can see and feel it you can manifest it, try SATs or lucid dreaming lalala. But I've learned that you know what you have to do. Sit and meditate to learn about yourself and your mind, and why you think what you think. What past experiences do you still hold onto, reliving them in your mind and creating assumptions that no longer serve you? They can still affect you, we are humans and emotions cling to us like bees to honey, and that's okay. But we need to start moving those experiences into the past and start creating with what we are now, which is the present. Any given moment is a time to say, 'Okay, this doesn't serve me anymore, and this does. I don't want this life anymore, I want this type of life,' and consciously start creating with those desires instead.

Acknowledge your doubts, they're just doubts, and they're really just an extension of life factors that have been slowly consuming your mind. You may have them, but as a god, do you have them? No. But as a human, you are influenced by them, and who cares? You know who you are and your power now, so if you disregard them, work around them. But I can't tell you what to do because I'm not you! I wholeheartedly believe that you will get through this because I have as well and the lows are just apart of your journey as the success as corny as it sounds. But when you do succeed I promise you’ll back to this movement and just be very happy you didn’t give up despite how hard it was 💝

#law of assumption #manifesation #manifesting #void state #my asks

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lokisprettygirl · 1 year

Text

Under his influence (Post Avengers! Loki x female reader)

Read chapter 12 here // Series Masterlist

Chapter 13

Summary : An indecent phone conversation with Loki makes you late for your meeting with Strange.

Warning: 18+, slight dirty talk, mention of sex, mention of psychological torture, angst, insecurities, self deprecating behaviour,

"God I'd never get enough of you" she whispered as her lips lingered over his mouth for a moment before she kissed him passionately.

"I'd never want that either sweetheart " he looked down at her, he can try all the positions in the world with her but this right here was his favorite of all, her body underneath him and her eyes staring back at him with such love and adoration.

"Loo" she mumbled softly so he snapped out of his thoughts and leaned down to kiss her before he hummed "I'm scared"

"I know princess, so am I, but I have to do this, I can not lose you, I can't take such a risk" she nodded but he could still see the saddened look on her face.

"What if something happens and we aren't at the right place at the right time? What would happen to us then?" Her eyes welled up so he cupped her cheeks and kissed her before he smiled.

"My love, no matter where in the world we are, eventually we will cross each other's path in one way or another and we will do so when our timing is aligned perfectly, a moment so absolute where we would be eager and desperate to fall so deeply in love with each other..just like this, you were made for me darling and I'll find you anywhere, anytime..i promise "

He woke up with head pounding and heart beating so fast, after the training session with the Captain he had fallen asleep, more than the training itself it was the conversation they both had that had tired him out. He couldn't stop asking him about some man named Bucky and how he knew that this Bucky was alive because apparently that's what his doppleganger has said to him to distract him in the fight after the battle of New York.

He was still under the false assumption that Loki was the one to morph into him even though he had clarified it a million times, he probably shouldn't have done the same to make fun of him when he was handcuffed after they had defeated him, that's probably why Rogers was adamant on this theory.

And Now this strange dream he just had was worrying him. He have had plenty of dreams about you in the past but this one felt different, he knew he saw you but you seemed a little different, just a bit aged than you do now, not much though. It didn't even feel like he was in this dream, he felt as if he was watching two people he didn't even know. However he did recognise the shared love between them, their emotions mirrored how you two felt about each other.

Perhaps he was overthinking, he knew Thanos was looking to assemble all the infinity stones and since the day when he had escaped with the tesseract things have been different. He wondered what would have happened if Stark hadn't dropped the briefcase holding the tesseract that fine day, Thor was taking him back to Asgard, the course of his life would have been entirely different if it wasn't for him picking up the cube. He felt overwhelmed and only one person could have made him feel better so he sat up and picked up the telephone to ring you.

He dialed your number and it didn't even ring twice before you picked it up

"Hey handsome" you giggled and the sound of your voice made him smile,

"Princess, i want to apologise if I am being a nuisance while you are on the job"

"No no ..not at all, I got off early, have to see the guy remember?" Oh yes. The healer.

"How could I ever forget?"

"I'm almost ready lo, will leave in a few"

"Oh apologies darling, I wouldn't want you to be late for the meeting "

You sat down on the bed as he said that.

"Maybe I want to be late, I'm not going to see you for hours, let me just talk to you baby" he smiled at the comment.

"Okay we can talk my sweetheart, what are you wearing?" you gasped as he said that and it took him a second to realize how his words were being interpreted.

"God you're a naughty boy..it's barely two in the afternoon" you mumbled and he was grateful you weren't there to see the effect you had on him. He was a god, where was the will power and self resistance? How come you were able to break him so easily?

"No no I just mean in general, I just wanted to have an image of you in my head, that is all" he mumbled nervously

"Mmmm I'll tell you if you tell me what you are wearing"

"Well I …uhhh .." he just had a satin sheet to cover his modesty, when alone he enjoyed sleeping naked. Clothes always made him feel hot and not in a good way.

"Oh my god you're naked aren't you? " he squeezed his eyes as you said that "Oh that's a lovely image.. I can picture it you know, your tall athletic naked body on the bed, aren't you the perfect sight for my sore eyes?" Why were you doing this to him?

"Now who's the naughty one here?"

"You look so pretty lo, kinda want to be there and see you like that" his eyes filled with lust as you said that. Now he was wishing you were there to watch him while he gets himself off for you.

"Shhhhh before this escalates further"

"You don't want this to escalate, pretty baby?" He took a deep breath as you said that.

"Darling please"

"Please continue or please stop?"

"Norns..both ..I want both"

"Mmmhm I wonder what you'd do to me if you were here" your voice turned sultry as you spoke.

"You really wish for me to tell you?" He asked you so you smiled.

"Mmmhmmm please loki.. please tell me" he chuckled at the response. If you wanted to play he'd play with you.

"You sound so sweet right now princess, are you always like this when you're being dominated?" Your face flushed to the max as he said that, you could feel your ears getting hot at the sudden change in his tone. He really was a god.

"Ummm dominated?" You gulped

"Uhuhh have you never been controlled? Never been told what to do in bed? Never been subjugated or ruled over by a man much more powerful than you?" He asked you, you could sense the mischief reeking but at the same time his voice remained deep and husky, it melted in your ears and it made you feel as if he was hypnotizing you. Maybe he was hypnotizing you.

"Lokiiiii stahhhhp" you whispered buy your voice came out all whiny.

"You want me to stop now, little one?"

"Noooo..not really" you said meekly

"Figured, how do you feel knowing that i often touch myself thinking about you"

Your breath hitched and you needed a moment to answer,

"Uhhh I feel desired and sexy" you mumbled nervously.

"Such a good girl, that's how you deserve to feel all the time" you squeezed your thighs together at the soft praise, his voice had gotten so firm like a school teacher but in the sexiest way possible.

"I am a good girl..but maybe I'll disappoint you in bed" there you go ruining the sexy moments with your insecurities. His brows furrowed as he noticed the sadness in your voice so he propped himself on his elbow to flip the phone to the other ear.

"Why would you say that my sweet princess?" the soft voice made your eyes tear up. Why were you like this?

"Because my ex told me"

"He did?" His jaw clenched as he heard that,

"But it was my fault, i wasn't as invested in having sex with him as he was"

"Because of the heat?"

"Mmmhmmmm"

"What did he say to you?"

"Ummm let's not discuss that lo"

"What did he say?"

"Just that..I was awful in bed and that I needed to show more enthusiasm and partake in the act of pleasing him rather than him doing everything..you know" He got absolutely quiet so you spoke again, maybe you should have kept your mouth shut. Your mouth was one of the reasons why you had trouble keeping the guys interested in you for long.

"I'm sorry..I don't know why I told you that.. please ignore it and can we go back to being naughty?" you chuckled nervously even though your eyes were welled up now because of the embarassement.

"I apologise for going quite on you. I'd love to show you how wrong that scoundrel was about you. It takes two to battle my darling, perhaps he wasn't capable of pleasing a woman as sensual as you are"

You bit on your lips at his words, the slight anger in his voice made you smile though, he was protective about you and it gave you all the butterflies in the stomach, you have never had a feeling like this before "Well I do hope he is wrong though"

"He is, you want to know how I know that?" He smiled

"How?"

"Last night, the way your body responded to me, just thinking about it makes my cock ache for your warmth" he mumbled

"Goshhhhh lokiiiii" you sucked a deep breath in, voice barely a whisper

"And that voice of yours, norns my little love.. I'd do anything for you as long as you're moaning so sweetly for me, as long as you're making those pretty little noises in my ears" he whispered softly and your fingers settled between your legs involuntarily.

"Mmmmmhmmm I'll do anything for you lo.. whatever you ask"

"I know you will.. I know you'd do anything for me"

You sat up as your breathing got heavier. The meeting. Oh god.

And you also had to change your underwear now.

"God I have to gooo" he chuckled as you said that.

"That's a shame"

"I know I'm sorry..that was thrilling..oh wow i need a moment" he chuckled again. He rubbed his cock slowly in order to suppress those sensations you had evoked in him but it was only making it worse so he stopped touching himself.

"Princess?" He wanted to share the dream he had about you two but now wasn't the time, you were already late.

"Mmm?"

"Nothing..I uhh ..you'll miss me?"

"Lokiii I am missing you right now and we are talking, you don't even know how much I'm going to miss you"

His heart fluttered as you said that.

"So will I, and perhaps i will see you tonight"

"Please do and maybe we can umm play with each other again just like last night"

You smiled widely before you hung up, leaving him to stay hard the rest of the day, he sighed as he put the phone down on his chest and then his mouth curved into a smile thinking about the last few minutes.

You really wanted to tell him that you loved him but was it too soon to do that? You had no idea.

“I’m sorry I’m late” you apologized as you spotted him at the restaurant, your mom had mailed a picture of him to you so it was easier to recognise.

“It’s fine I guess, I’m used to such tardiness” he was smiling but you could tell he was annoyed, you didn’t miss the sarcasm in his tone.

“Ummm okay actually I don’t think I got your name yet, my mom told me everything except your name, I’m y/n by the way” you raised your hand forward so he looked at it for a few seconds before he shook it.

“Hello y/n, my name is Doctor Stephen Strange”

You didn't know how to talk to him, when you tried to order something to eat he told you that he had already done it for you so now you had nothing else to do or say.

You sipped on the drink in order to avoid the awkward silence between you two. So this was going soooooo well right? You missed loki, even the pin drop silence was never awkward with him, back when you two were purely friends and he was hiding in your apartment, the conversation between you two never felt forced. Sure you blabbed unnecessarily at times but he always smiled and he never seemed annoyed. You both would often sit on the sofa with your backs resting on the individual armrest and your legs almost touching each other, you'd watch something on your phone and he would read his books, it felt cozy and comfortable.

How the hell did you even stumble upon someone like him?

"Why aren't you eating?" Stephen asked you so you smiled but before you could answer he interrupted you

"Let me guess, you're one of those women aren't you, those who pretend to not eat on dates even though the reality couldn't be farther from it..no offense " Well you took it.

"First of all I love eating but beef steak isn't the idea of a hearty lunch for me" he snickered as he cut himself a piece, the precision he used with his knife was enough to tell you that he indeed was a surgeon.

"You were extremely late, I had to order for us"

"Yeah thank you for not waiting for me to get my opinion, I bet you're one of those men who think they are superior and can decide everything for their women"

"Last time I checked you weren't mine" he winked at you so you rolled your eyes.

"Look I'm only here because my mother forced me to–"

"That's also why I –"

"Stop interrupting me" you cut him off and that felt really nice.

You pointed a finger at him so he went quiet but now you forgot what you were even saying and he used the opportunity to speak again.

"That is exactly why I'm here as well so let's just eat and never see each other again alright?" He said rudely so you nodded.

"Yeah I'd like that"

"Good"

"So New York City, what's it like?" You questioned him and he glared at you,

"I can't just stay quiet, and you're eating awfully slow" he sighed at the statement.

"It's definitely been much worse since the attack"

"The Chitauris?" You asked sheepishly.

"Yeah, isn't it funny how they glorified the man responsible for the whole mess and turned him into an Avenger, best way to redeem a criminal right?" Your jaw clenched as he said that, he didn't even know Loki.

"Do you not watch news, Loki wasn't an accomplice, he was a victim"

"Fantastic story isn't it, heart wrenching, it's so easy to befool the humankind"

You wanted to say so many things but you couldn't even defend him in public, people would think you were just a crazy fan or worse one of those simps who just wanted to fuck the Asgardian god. You did want to do that though.

"So where were you when it happened?" You asked him to change the conversation, hoping he'd keep his resentment to himself.

"In the nearest building performing an extensive and very critical surgery, have to say it was not at all hard to focus with the sounds of grenades going off every few seconds"

"Ohhh..well that's admirable that you didn't feel scared or ran away" he snickered as you said that.

"Yeah, an innocent woman would have died on my table if I had lost my concentration that day and the man responsible for it got away with no remorse or repercussions, he's being celebrated instead"

Okay that was enough.

"Well you don't know that, you don't know what he's going through, how much guilt he carries or how bad it is for him to sleep at night when he's all alone..you don't know him or why he did what he did..what would you do if a powerful entity had influenced you and tortured you for a year like that?" He looked at you, slightly taken aback by the sudden outburst before he snickered condescendingly.

"I see you're one of those"

"Whattt?" You looked at him confused.

"The ones who wants to fuck him"

"You are so judgemental, I bet you judge other people's brains when they're splayed open in front of you"

"Uh-huh by the way Didn't he want to commit mass genocide even before the whole ordeal?"

"Yeah so did Thor, but he's a hero isn't he?" Why you were you fighting with him? You should just leave right?

"Well to be fair I don't think too highly of him either" Leave now.

"You know what this was fun..byye bye..see you never "

You stood up and walked out, he didn't stop you either, you had to cross the road to get to the other side but you heard him calling your name so you stopped like a moron in the middle of the street to turn and look at him, that's when a man with a motorbike came out of nowhere and hit you. You didn't remember much after that, you remembered the sharp pain in your right leg and you remembered seeing Stephen's stupid face before you lost consciousness.

A few hours later you woke up and your head was pounding, when you looked to the side, Stephen was there reading a newspaper,

"Did you perform a brain surgery on me?" You asked him so he raised his eyebrows.

"Do you have one in there because the way you stood there in the middle of the road was foolish"

"That guy came out of nowhere "

"Very well, now that you're awake, I'm gonna leave" he said as he got up so you sat up hurriedly.

"Wait wait how would I get home, oh my god is my leg broken?" You looked at the bandage on your right ankle and your eyes widened. No it can't be, it can't be. Thirty years, you had gone thirty years without a broken bone and you were planning to keep it that way all your life, it can't be broken right?

"I broke my bone, didn't i? " Your eyes welled up so he sighed.

"It's just a sprain, you'll be fine in a week or two"

"A week? I can't not work for a week, they'll fire me" you groaned

"Well you should have thought about that before you–"

"You know what..just shut up okay?"

He rolled his eyes and luckily he agreed to drive you home. He had to assist you to walk though and you didn't really like the idea of being so close to a man you barely knew.

"So whose car is it?" You asked him as he sat you down on the passenger seat.

"Rental"

"Figured"

"Why did you ask if you figured?"

You crossed your arms and didn't respond to him, to avoid the awkwardness you turned the radio on.

Hey I just met you and this is crazy but here's my number so call me maybe

You immediately changed the channel to not give him any sort of wrong signal. He seemed the type to take wrong signals.

My universe will never be the same. I'm glad you came, I'm glad you came.

You bobbed your head back and forth to the beat of the song and he shook his head in disbelief.

It was around 11 at night, how long were you out for? You were surprised he stayed by your side and didn't just flee, maybe it was the doctor in him. Well atleast he wasn't the worst man you have ever met in your life.

God you wanted to talk to Loki, you grabbed your purse and took out your phone but it was discharged completely.

Luckily your building had the lift but he still accompanied you to your apartment, as soon as you opened the door and even though you couldn't see him, you just knew he was there. Loki was there, you could smell his cologne

"Umm would you like a cup of coffee or something?" Please say no..

He looked around the apartment and his face contorted in disgust. Was this your mother disguised as a man? Well you had no idea you would be bringing him back here, this wasn't a date and you were too distracted before the meeting to even think of cleaning the space.

"No thanks. Here's your medicine" he passed you the small prescription bag so you took it from him.

"Well ummm thank you and I'm sorry i won't be able to show you around" you said to him so he rolled his eyes.

"Good, I'm relieved"

An awkward silence and even the worst goodbye handshake later he finally left, you were still on the couch and before you could say anything Loki appeared and locked the main door from inside. His face seemed blotchy, eyes red, cheeks dampened, you could tell he had cried.

He walked towards you and got down on his knees in front of you, then he lifted the right leg up to inspect the injury.

"Lokii"

"Who did this to you ?" He asked you

"Some guy on a bike..It was just an accident"

"That man isn't responsible for this state of yours is he?" He asked you so you shook your head, you cupped his face to make him look at you and his eyes were filled with fear.

"I'm sorry, i would have called but my phone died and ummm I was unconscious "

"Norns y/n" he flinched away from you and stood up, only to pace back and forth in front of you. You were worried that he was angry but then the look on his face was enough to tell you that he was scared, he wasn't able to get in touch with you at all and that must have been terrifying.

"Looo baby" you called out to him and put your hand forward so he took it and sat down next to you on the sofa.

"I'm okay, it's just a sprain"

Well unfortunately you couldn't climb on his lap so you somehow scooted closer to him and hugged him.

"I am sorry darling, I was losing my mind here" his arms wrapped around your tightly and he placed his head down on your shoulder.

"I know I know it's okay i would have been the same"

After a minute or so, he got on his feet again and picked you up in his arms only to lay you down on the sofa again.

"How bad does it hurt?" He asked you and your face scrunched in response, it wasn't bothering you when you came back to consciousness but now you were starting to feel it.

"I think the meds will help"

He sat down on the corner of the sofa and placed your legs on his leg carefully before he grabbed the right one and trailed his fingers all over your ankle, the longer he did it the better you felt.

"Did you just fix me?"

"I wish I could darling but I'm not that kind of God, i can barely lessen the pain and discomfort that comes with it" you smiled as he said that. He was talking as if this wasn't an otherworldly magic in itself.

"How do you do that? I mean how is it possible... like in a scientific way?" He chuckled as you questioned him "I'm sorry I'm on drugs i think"

"No you can ask questions..it's just you're adorable when you do" you giggled at the compliment, he carefully hovered on top of you, avoiding your leg to not hurt you any further and kissed you softly.

"It's just a form of energy being used differently darling"

"Energy?" You looked at him confused so he tucked your hair behind your ears before he kissed your forehead. Everytime he kissed your forehead you couldn't help but giggle.

"Mhhmm In simpler words whenever you see me doing this–" he said as he conjured a flower out of nowhere and gave it to you "I am merely harnessing the cumulative energies from multiple dimensions in order to fetch me whatever I need from my vault" you nodded even though it made no sense to you.

"You're so cute but I don't understand anything" he chuckled and kissed you before he got off the sofa, picked you up again and then laid you down on the bed so you could rest.

"Fancy a cup of tea madame?" You nodded as he asked you.

He made tea for you, he fed you dinner that had to be a takeout because he wasn't even going to attempt to cook and burn down your apartment. You smelled like the hospital and wanted to shower so he helped you get to the bathroom, luckily you had put on a dress for the meeting instead of a jeans so it was easier to take off, you noticed how he had kept his eyes closed like the gentleman that he was when you asked him to take you back to the room while you just had a towel wrapped around your body.

By the time you were in bed again you felt extremely exhausted, the meds were making you feel drowsy already.

"I'm going to abhor leaving you all alone here in the morning" he cooed in your ears so you pecked on his lips.

"Mmmm don't leave me then..stayyy"

"I wish I could princess, I truly wish I could be here for you all the time"

"I know baby it's okay i understand, besides I'll be fine, it's just a sprain"

"How long will it take to heal completely?"

"Two weeks at the most, but I heal fast so one week" you laughed and it warmed his heart.

"Ummm okay I have a proposition for you"

"What?" You smiled because you thought he was going to say something silly to make you laugh again but what he said made you sit up and contemplate, how was this even going to work? Especially with Melissa and those Avengers around.

"Come stay with me at the tower while you're healing"

💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓

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#loki x female reader #loki #loki x reader fluff #loki x reader #loki x reader insert #loki x reader fic #loki x you #loki x reader angst #loki x reader smut #post avengers loki #canon divergent au #soft loki

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yuseirra · 2 days

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My problem with understanding Kamiki is that I can understand why killing people would make him feel closer to Ai before the video.

But after? How doing "something for Ai" translates to "trying to kill our daughter?" Like I think I would have understood better if he tried to kill himself feeling even more guilt for every death.

I want to love him, I really did love him before this chapters but now is so incredible confusing that I don't now what to make of him and this character is so frustating. I never had problems understanding characters until him.

Hello!! I understand how you feel, I really do- let me just jump to the point here because I feel you need answers just as much as I do.

At this point, this can be a stretch but let me exaggerate a little, I feel like there's literally no one else in this world who tried on attempting to analyze him in a psychological standpoint as much as I did, I literally attempted on it every single day ever since I listened to Fatal. Because I wanted to know just what he is.

As a person who STUDIED psychology, I'm very serious about this. please trust me until the story proves me wrong, I've NEVER been wrong about analyses before this guy and I still don't think I'll be off.

THE WAY HE FORMED HIS THOUGHTS AREN'T WHAT HE CAN COME UP WITH ON HIS OWN. THERE IS SOME OUTER FORCE/ENTITY THAT'S DRIVEN HIM INTO INSANITY. This ISN'T how he is and what he could become of naturally.

Believe in me, I'm very sure that's what this is about and it's why the idea of "saving him" has been introduced in the story. This is the conclusion I derived, and I examined the songs, it only adds to my belief. He's clearly gone insane over time, but it's not just totally on him, I think something's taken him over. His personality does not align with his previous self,

I think that's why it's impossible to make sense out of just what he is. He simply isn't written consistently, within the brief time he appears THAT LITERALLY INTERCONNECTS WITH EACH OTHER. There is no way to bring his different personalities together in a way that can make us comprehend him as a single character. For the time being, there is no way to make out what he is and we have to wait out.

What I can say for sure is that he WASN'T the type to have that sort of belief. If he was that kind of guy from the beginning or could become that sort of madman on his own accord, we would have never had Ai imagine her smiling with the little family she formed with him a smile with him taking care of their kids. THAT is the guy she loved and she wanted to live forever with, the guy she wants to save, and THAT IS HIS TRUE NATURE. I've studied him so much and that much I could make out.

So what HAPPENED TO HIM that's caused him to break this much?? The story never explains so much but the songs fill in the blanks in this case, what's happened to him is, I actually say, IMPOSSIBLE to have happened regarding his original personality.

Something took advantage of his desperation and gave him false hope and ideas over the span of decades, and that's what caused him to become this way. That's what I'm getting at. Please examine the songs, now that I see it, he's so crazy and insane, but there are two noticeable elements of him,

HE REALLY WANTS TO SEE AI, AND.. THERE'S A "STAR" that is involved in both songs Mephisto and Fatal. And in Fatal, it clearly states it's what brought him to become fallen, but I don't think that star is supposed to be Ai. HE PRAYED AND MADE WISHES UPON THAT STAR IN MEPHISTO WISHING AI TO BE BACK, AND IT DIDN'T WORK. HE TOTALLY BROKE DOWN AFTER THAT.

I don't think that kind of story's implied for a reason.

I did mention in my theory posts that the stars in this story seem to dwell in people's eyes, don't I? Why do I feel like it's contributed heavily into his insanity?

The fact that we never see what's happened to him or what he's actually done in detail makes everything so confusing, what ARE hiding if they just want us to take him as a monster. Something is so off.

Let's put off judging him until they show us what's happened if they ever will. If they just leave us hanging forever, then I can say for sure. THAT IS BAD WRITING. But I feel like this is intentional.

The songs are TOO... too blatantly him and I think they want to do something with him if that's the case. There is no way they make these songs like this and leave it unattended because why explore the mind of an irredeemable madman TWO consecutive seasons? The writers seem to favor his story for some reason. They make a boy who had a soul of nobility and break him down this bad, with no proper explanation, we don't even see his thoughts in depth, only a few panels is what we can make out of him and it's so vague, the only thing I could derive was that he literally could not bear living without Ai and he's totally lost it.

Trust me, I dedicated like.. three whole months to look into this guy's mind, he ISN'T supposed to be like this. I'm so frustrated too and really annoyed with the author because they're handling him in a really cruel way even if he is a villain (because even if he's a villain, we don't even know enough about him to form a clear idea of him so we can't even direct and blame him about the many things that's happened, he's literally said he didn't do anything and yeah, we still don't have any actual solid proof!!!!) Good or bad, he's just.. incredibly ambiguous to the point it's bizarre.

I can't ask of you to believe in my interpretations. But I'd like to say I'm really trying to make sense of this character with all I've got too because he's WEIRD. There are so many holes about this guy. and this is what I can make of it. The ONLY explanation that can combine his character and sort of make sense, and have his character actually have some sort of meaning. Ai's bf needs saving. He's possessed!!!! He is possessed, I am not kidding, and it's such a dumb conclusion to be made but if this isn't it, I will have to give up on making sense of his character and I really would have to say the author did a terrible job writing him. I do not want to say that but I have to. That's the only way everything makes sense so I'll wait out until they do give us the explanations. I'm not wrong about this guy. The moment they bring about the idea that he is originally noble, I am convinced my takes of him can't be flipped 180 degrees, and Ai's wish should bear some sort of resolution and fruit. He used to be a guy that's worth it and worth her. There's so little we know about this character anyway...;; it's like they're intentionally covering everything up but FOR WHAT. FOR WHAT?? our protagonist stabbed himself and he's fallen into the waters and we still really don't know if the guy he went through ALL THAT to kill ACTUALLY did all these things he's been accused of, why don't they ever show us everything play out in present screen time?? It's so unfair to us as a reader. At this point, it's as if there's some intent behind it.

Let's keep reading~~~

#hikaru kamiki #oshi no ko spoilers #oshi no theories #I AM ACTUALLY SERIOUS. THIS IS THE ONLY EXPLANATION I COULD COME UP WITH THAT CAN EXPLAIN THINGS.#oshi no ko #and it's so weird #this work is extremely weird #but if it's this I can UNDERSTAND where they're trying to go with it and it actually will have a good message #if else... I cannot deem this piece to have good writing. I may regret buying it. it's THAT bad #asknreply #spoilers

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sukunasdirtylaugh · 7 months

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part one, part two, part three, part four, part five, part after five but not part 6 (one shot),

it is often rare for lord toji to bring in guests, ameera tells you. unbeknownst to all of you, word of one of the greatest handlers for the underworld having a little... sweetheart, was big enough news to stir the world of god drama.

"it's sir zenin!" madam mildred hisses at both you and ameera. ameera, who holds a look as if she's seen a ghost, turns to inform you. "sir zenin is the worst of gods, he's one of the cousins to his excellence toji."

"why are you both acting like death is at the door?" you question.

"he's probably here because he found out his cousin toji has a new little woman in his garden," mildred sighs, "ameera is too young, I am too old, and the nuns are out of question leaving you as the only viable source for any god to consider you."

"consider me for what, mildred?" suddenly, towering behind you three stands tall and for the first time you gulp, seeing a look in toji's eyes.

"mildred," he speaks, "what's going on?"

"your cousin, dear excellence." she slightly bows her head. "would you like me to fix him up a pla-"

"-that won't be necessary, mildred." toji sticks out and waves a gentle hand so as to be dismissive. "thank you." the three of you watch him walk forward, hands on the door handles. it is now when you notice the expanse of his back. muscles expand and contract. "I'll have you ladies stay in here and not interfere as I talk to my cousin, alright?" the three of you nod as he looks back at you three. with the open and close of a door, he's out. your heart suddenly pounds quickly, racing as you search for answers.

you're thankful for ameera as the two of you scram towards an opening she's called as 'discreet', unknown to those around the house. helping you up, the two of you sit and stand on a couple of wooden boxes, standing on your tip-toes as you turn your head and see toji conversing to a man who appears to be his opposite. regardless of them being cousins.

"that's naoya," ameera whispers, "lady mildred says he's infamous for stealing wives and women whenever and however he pleases." she says, "I'm not a woman, but mildred says toji meant for it that way so as to keep me safe." you catch into the innocence of her words, not knowing the full extent of what harm is, but knowing enough it is better to stay away.

"you think he wants to harm us?"

"Our excellence wouldn't allow it," answers ameera with assurance, "he's made things to ensure that, but since naoya shares a bloodline with him... it's not exactly easy keeping a god away from this place." she says.

the two of you watch. toji stands tall, with hands on either side of his hips as he makes naoya take a step back, but he persists, smiling and attempting to saunter his way inside.

"oh, is that really a way to greet your cosuin, toji?" naoya grins. "I thought we were family..."

"you know well why I departed from the family naoya. you out of everyone knows best our values don't align, so why return where you're not welcome?"

"you wound me cousin," he offers a dramatized sigh and look, "all I am is coming to see how my cousin is. heard so much about you and how you might have a little..."

"that's not true." toji pauses, giving the effect of sternness. "wherever you heard that, is false."

"mmm.... the family whom you got a certain pair of earrings said otherwise, cousin."

"what business have you meddling with humans now?"

"there's a village not far from there with a tribal leader who is causing disputes amongst the gods. something about a virgin disappearing into the woods. might know anything about it?"

toji huffs, "some nerve of you to think I spend my days following virgins. you forget I'm not like you, naoya. now, if that's all, you can make way for yourself, I have somewhere to go."

"you won't happen to have a virgin within these walls, now don't you?"

"it's disgusting how you keep bringing this up. all there is here are old maidens, girls, and nuns. you'd be wise to keep yourself out of here." ushering him out, naoya hums. "very well, but I'll keep an ear out if I hear anything." toji makes a noise.

"you do that, but it's best you stay out these waters, naoya. I have enough on my plate as it is."

nothing much happens other than short conversation. both you and ameera turn to look at one another and spill the information to lady mildred who only sighs, confirming the allegations of naoya.

later that day, toji alerts all of you to avoid hanging by the main entrance during certain hours of the day. just for a few days, he advises.

but you think there's something more to this when he comes back two days later with a bracelet in his hand. when you inquire, he says. "I want you to wear this at all times." a firmness to his voice makes you freeze, "I don't ever want you to leave this place," he says. "not without me."

#eeeeeek!!!!#okay okay #I just HAD to okay???#5 parts in one day #expect either another update or never to be seen again :(#I really hope I make more tho #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jujustu kaisen #toji #fushiguro toji #toji zenin #jujutsu kaisen toji #toji fushiguro #toji x reader #jjk toji #toji x you #fushiguro

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saras-devotionals · 14 days

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Quiet Time 9/22

What am I feeling today?

I’m feeling pretty encouraged! Two of my friends who are also studying the Bible are coming out to my church this morning and I’m just excited for them to meet everyone and continue growing in their relationship with God!🙏🏼

Bible Plan:

Philippians 4:8 puts us in line, "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." I know it's hard not to let your thoughts wander and dream into the idea of a future romance. I get it. Truthfully, I'm not saying this is wrong, but I feel we have fallen into the enemy's trap when we allow our mythicized ideas of the future to become the leading narrative in our life. We allow the fantasy to take the place of what is true, noble, right, and pure. Fantasy is not from God.

God promises to give you a future, not a fantasy. "I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." Jeremiah 29:11

Ask yourself: Am I praying for God to fulfill my fantasy or my future?

*Cue Mariah Carey* "But it's just a sweet, sweet fantasy, baby, when I close my eyes, you come and take me, on and on and on. It's so deep in my daydreams, but it's just a sweet, sweet fantasy, baby!" Wow, I feel called out by Mariah.

Are you applying your faith to a thing you've built into an idol and asking heaven to breathe life into a lifeless god? Are you allowing God to speak the truth to you and purify your motives, or are you clinging to your fears and pretending to mask them with false spirituality?

Take some time to evaluate your heart's motives and seek the Lord if you've made an idol out of your fantasies. Ask Him to give you hope for the future He has for you.

I’m definitely guilty of building up fantasies! That was a very big thing for me throughout my life and I can still be prone to it. But I have to remind myself that when I build up fantasies of a guy, it does me no benefit and it starts to make that man an idol for me when there should really be no one besides God.

Before, I used to pray for specific guy, that God would grant that for me. But now I pray for my character, that He aligns my desires with His plans for my future, that He uses me as a vessel in whichever way He sees fit. Granted, I would still like to be in a relationship, but I trust God and His plan and timing and whatever happens, happens🙏🏼

Philippians 4:4-9 NIV

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

THERES SO MUCH TO APPLY FROM HERE!!

the first practical is to be rejoicing always. we all go through difficult times but the key is to rejoice despite all that may happen.

second practical is to let your gentleness be evident to all. how to put this in practice? smile and greet everyone you see today, speak kindly to everyone you encounter, have an open body language - present yourself softly <3

third practical is avoiding anxiousness by praying through everything! if anything at all is making you feel negative, pray about it! give thanks and present it all to God!

Finally, thinking about such things (take notice of your thoughts, if you notice something that doesn’t align, pray through that thought and ask God to renew your mind and heart on the daily so that you can think of righteous things above!) - also, with the practicals above, that’s how you put the word into practice and obey the word, give yourself a challenge from the Bible every single day so you are not to be deceived!

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slaaverin · 15 days

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The Habit of Hating in our fandom and spiritual laws

I still intend to share thoughts about AYS but in the meantime I want to speak about certain habits especially on twitter that many people have when it comes to hate, defending your ideas, defending the boys, in relation to the spiritual laws of the universe.

This discussion was triggered by this tweet:

The line that is concerning is this one:

"Asks the religious people to pray for their downfall"

This statement is so wrong on so many levels, but it is also a symptom of a broader attitude in this fandom towards people we don't like, we don't agree with.

I want to preface this by informing you (if you are not familiar with spirituality and how the universe works) that the name of the game is Unconditional love.

Your true being at the core comes from love, is made of love, and comes to earth to see if it can still choose love even in a very constricting environnement and situations.

When we'll die no one will be judging us but us and we willl be comparing all of our choices with unconditionnal love. How did we love? Did we choose love or fear? Even when a crazy woman on the street is yelling at us?

You see so love is the go-to, is the stateline for us even coming here in the first place.

I am not saying it is not hard to choose love, especially with people full of hate making a large amount of damage to people's mental health.

Praying for someone's downfall do you think this is love? Praying if done correctly (and if you want the higher power to be at the other end of that prayer) needs to come from love. You can't pray for something bad to happen to someone. I mean YOU CAN. But then who is gonna answer? Not God. And then since it is not aligned to love you will go through the automatic balancing cause and effect from the universe, and will have karma from it.

Karma is not a form of punishement. It's something we go through willingly, because we simply see who we are as consciousness, we see "oh I am capable of this" "Oh I can inflict that much pain" so then you want to learn because you see for yourself it is not the best, it is not love. So you sign up to experience something that will make you learn the lesson properly. Maybe you'll be at the other end of the hate.

In any case, I want to say, when people are throwing hate at the boys, at you, at a cause you hold dear, please stop saying stuff like "I wish you die" "I wish you go rot in hell" or even "I wish you step on the lego" come on people.

People think because they are right, because their cause is just, they think they are the good people in the equation.

But if you think you need to combat hate with even more hate, wishing harm on people you disagree with, are you, really?

Or are you no better than them?

You know, people filled with judgement, with anger, ready to cause harm and destroy, the hate you throw at them will never stop them. People with belief in separation are soooo into their illusion there is nothing you could say that will make them stop.

I want to point to you the fact that this person you dispise, you don't agree with, it's YOU. It is another version of you.

Your consciousness and their consciousness is made of the same thing. You are two parts of the same whole.

Maybe you have different personalities, stories, traumas, level of consciousness, but basically you ARE the same.

Why would you hate yourself? Wish harm on yourself?

This person isn't hateful because they are evil. There is no evil, the only evil is the belief in separation with others, and the lack of love. They hate because they lack love. Their hate comes from a fear, and a fear stems from buying into a false perception that is not aligned with love and union.

They believe they are separate from you, separate from bts, so there comes judgement, there comes me versus them.

Many people will absolutely never know the people they hate is another version of them. They will live their lives like this and nobody can change it. Because everybody is at their own stage of evolution of consciousness.

Your own consciousness is in their shoes somewhere in the universe, having the same things to overcome.

Don't judge the hater so harshly, there are many things you don't know about them, about their life, about their lack of love, about their state of evolution as consciousness.

I am not saying what they do is not wrong, that we must do nothing. That's not it.

The loving choice is not to wish them harm though, or to fight them with more hate.

Sometimes it is to use the tools we have, to block them, to stand our ground, to explain our point of view in a respectful manner. Sometimes it is to ignore them. To not give them voice. Or sometimes to expose them. It is to put boundaries in a firm way but not a destructive one.

I know there is a fine line between the two, you must question yourself what is the best thing to do in any situation. Your little voice, your intuition knows what is best. When you do something wrong you know it deep down. Trust that voice, trust yourself to know.

But the thing is, the only way to fight evil is with love.

You see, when you are spreading love in your life, into the world, with people you know, you come accross, you smile at, you are raising your frequency, your consciousness, and it creates ripple effects around you.

You can smile at someone in the street and it can have an impact as far as touching a man deep into a foreign country miles away.

Love and everything you do is THAT powerful.

These ripple effects is why we incarnate. And when we choose love, our own frequency of consciousness raises, and since we are all connected on a subconscious level, we raise the consciousness of the whole collective.

If you are alone in your room and don't go out for weeks but one instant you choose to give yourself love, you don't even have to do anything else, you are ALREADY HELPING EVERYBODY.

It matters a lot you see, everything you do.

BTS themselves created a monstruous gigantic ripple effect on earth with their love yourself campaign and who they are as individuals.

Take their example.

What I am writing can seem all mushy mushy but love does not mean being a doormat, it does not mean being all lovey-dovey all the time. Sometimes the loving choice is telling someone they fucked up. Sometimes it is simply not allowing this person's toxic energy to be in your life. Because self-love is also important.

You must find your own compass into knowing what is the loving thing to do in any given situation.

But please people I am begging you to stop wishing harm on other people you disagree with. You will not help anybody. You are only hurting yourself.

"We are good and they are evil"

No.

Nobody is good, and nobody is evil, we have all both light and dark inside.

You are no better than them, we are all in the same boat.

Not passing judgement is hard I know, but if you can see them with love, you would understand they are like toddlers who have no clue what the hell they are doing. They are like children, and so are you. How can you blame a child for falling down? Or doing something bad?

I don't want to tell you how to respond to them, you must find your own answers.

But please be a little more mindful how you talk and react to these people. Because EVERYTHING you do matters.

The haters will always be there no matter what because we live in a reality of separation, duality, but the BEST THING you can do is to be love instead in your lives in any way you can be with all that what love means. With kindness, compassion, bravery, honesty, forgiveness, authenticity and also love for yourself! Having boudaries and knowing when to say no!

I know I went on a long tengeant but I see so many terrible things on social media and people are so careless with their words and actions.

Be mindful and ask yourselves the right questions before answering and interacting with haters.

If you choose to be love in your own life, you are already doing the right thing.

Hope this helps give some insights into the higher perspectives,

Take care everyone

#bts #spirituality #ARMY fandom #universal laws

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littlenightmares2 · 6 months

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What do you think is the meaning behind Mono turning into the Thin man at the end? Do you think that’s an example of his character repeating the cycle of abuse which was imposed onto him?

thank you for asking! i love dissecting the story of little nightmares and the characters so much, so i foresee myself rambling a lot in this answer. here we go.

the long and short of it is, i think that the pale city was always awaiting mono's arrival.

we can see in the scene where mono and six are first travelling to the pale city that upon their approach, the buildings immediately begin to bend and warp towards them. the city already seemed to recognise mono's latent powers in this moment as it responded to his presence- that, or his fate had already been decided by the nowhere. the city demanded a broadcaster.

my (current, and constantly subject to change!) interpretation of events is that six accompanying mono impeded what the nowhere had already predestined him to.

he's described throughout promotional materials as "an uncommonly single-minded child." this phrase has always fascinated me. we get so few solid details about the children's mindsets and motivations in this world so it's difficult not to fixate on that simple string of information. yet despite him having this singular, unshakeable motivation to move towards the pale city and find the source of the transmission, the signal tower, he still allowed himself to be waylaid. he stopped to free six.

the pale city exists because the need for escapism exists. therefore, the broadcaster that would oversee the signal tower and send out the transmission across the city would have to be a figure that was sunken deeply into escapism, too. somebody who needed a distraction. somebody who had been through such immense pain, such betrayal, that they would do anything to put it to the back of their mind. somebody who needed the false comfort that escapism and denial of reality provides.

when asked if mono ever thought about lashing out against the tower, using his powers to level the city, or generally defying what had happened to him, the little nightmares twitter responded: "of course not. like all sensible children, he eventually came around to our way of thinking." they also stipulated that mono's idea of escapism would be, "revenge, maybe? a second chance?"

i believe that the looping events of little nightmares ii are caused by mono's own desire for either revenge or a second chance. he conceded to the tower's will because escapism was offered to him when he so desperately wanted it.

he is the thin man, cast into the depths of the flesh walls, but in his mind, he's mono again, back at the start of everything in the forest. the loop that persistently plays out is a recreation of events that allows mono to engage in the escapism of being at six's side again after everything that happened forever. he can't change what happened. but he can enjoy second chance after second chance, being her friend again before everything went wrong- the thing he so desperately craves.

the thin man takes his revenge in chasing her and stealing her away. keeping her prisoner in the signal tower, in pain just as he is and will continue to be forevermore. even if he goes on to free her after the fact. i don't think mono exactly 'remembers' how everything happens when he lapses into these bouts of escapism with the loops playing out over and over. it wouldn't be true escapism if he was aware of how painfully everything was going to end. everything feels new for mono, but as the thin man, he remembers and guides others into the false lull of security that turning away from reality offers.

six was a perfect instrument to use against mono. even though she was initially detrimental to the tower's goal of drawing mono in, she later became an essential part of it.. she was a catalyst of trauma and the tower maliciously aligned events when it warped her into a monster, setting everything up to transpire in such a way that she would abandon him. when mono shattered six's music box, he denied her the escapism it provided. the comfort and denial of her painful reality was snatched away. this goes to show exactly how intoxicating the tower and it's transmission are, and how manipulated events between the two children were. the end goal was always for mono to think he was saving six, while she wholeheartedly believed he was hurting her and ruining her happiness. that he was unsafe to be around.

#little nightmares #little nightmares 2 #ln2 #mono ln #six ln #lee talks #lee answers

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thatonebirdwrites · 2 months

Text

I had multiple awful things happen all at once in the past few weeks and it trapped me in a fog. This particular chapter also took much longer to edit because it's content is a bit triggering.

Also, some thoughts on how I structured this chapter:

For Rory/Lena's parts: MID 6.0 is a 180 question assessment used for diagnosing various disassociative disorders, including DID. The following are so often reported by patients that they made their way into this assessment:

"Shrinking" or "getting smaller" or "feeling as if the world is getting larger" (child alters).

Feeling foggy, like one melts away or body parts feel as if they vanish for while.

Unable to see or hear with no known medical reason for it.

Writings, drawings, journal entries that you know you did not write/draw.

Black-outs/amnesia, difficulty remembering things, sections of life can't be remembered.

Trance-like episodes.

Losing time and/or not remembering large chunks of time or large chunks of one's childhood.

Disordered sleep or insomnia (often more drawings or writings you didn't draw will appear during this time).

Rich, creative mental spaces.

Protective alters.

And a ton of others. My therapist was kind enough to give it to me as homework to fill out myself to avoid overwhelming me. We then went over it together.

Rory's sections dig into some of the above and that rich inner world. I wanted to contrast her getting tests done with Sam's worldkiller story; I did this by weaving similar descriptions at the end and start of each of their sections. Sort of like a Ghazal, an Arabic poem, where the last word of the a couplet starts the next couplet.

EXCERPT:

If Sam estimated as to when the Reign horror starts, she’d place it the day she sits in traffic, unable to move thanks to the swarming protesters outside L-Corp. Half are protesting the rise in children sick with lead poisoning, falsely attributed to L-Corps water purification units. The others are cultists announcing the end of the world with the partnership of L-Corp and Supergirl.

She knows the lead poisoning has nothing to do with their products. Kara, herself, and Lena had gone over the units and found nothing. They’d even brought in an independent inspector, who deemed the units safe from lead.

Yet Morgan Edge pushes the narrative, and his inspectors continue to find ‘proof’ that its faulty units from L-Corp. In a few days time, Lena plans to hold a press event, and Sam dreads it. She thinks over the data she’s procured, illegally, for Kara that map the distribution of the affected. It’s not enough to prove innocence, but the map shows the impacted don’t align with the roll-out of the units.

Her phone rings. Sam glances down to see Kara’s name. She swipes it and hits speakerphone. “Sam here. What’s up?”

“So I was looking into that map you sent. There’s got to be a pattern, but it seems almost random.”

“I know, usually when something like this happens, the affected kids are from a certain area, but those kids are from all over the city. Luke, who I saw today at Ruby’s school, lives down the street, but then there’s a few kids who live across the city and go to Bergen County Day…”

“And there’s several who live all the way in Edgemont. So does any of these addresses you found line up with any personal units you sold?”

“Nope, the roll-out happened in neighboring districts. Personal units don’t go on sale until next fiscal year. We focused on the city contract first. I can't see how our units would even leak lead to start, so I think something else connects them. It’s why I want to meet.” Sam scowls at the crowds. “But there’s a traffic jam of protesters. I can’t even get in the parking garage.”

“I want to do a few interviews of the impacted, see if they give us a clue. Something must connect them. Social media, school, bank statements…”

Oh, that gave her an idea. “Bank statements. Follow the money. That often uncovers what’s hidden.” She leans forward and glares at the traffic jam in front of her. She knows exactly what she needs to search. Tricks she learned from Jack when it came to investigating financial fraud. “But I need more time to dig that up.”

“You sure you can’t talk her out of it?”

“Believe me, I tried. She’s been…” Sam is reluctant to admit that Lena has been rapidly cycling between at least four alters, and her mental state has disintegrated. “I’m going to have her stay at my place for the next few days. I just don’t think she should be alone right now.”

“Don’t worry. We can tag team this. I’ll see you in a bit. Oh, and there’s a parking spot next street over.” Kara hangs up before Sam can respond.

Sure enough, when Sam turns onto the next street, she sees several open spots. Pulling into them, she parks, and hurries through the intersection. Darting through the crowds, she nears the front of the building when a cultist slams into her side. She stumbles and falls against the pavement. Pain flares up her arm near where he touched her.

“Pardon,” the man says with a smile. His grey eyes roam over Sam’s body, and she feels like she’s being dissected. Gross. His hands hide in the sleeves of his black cloak, but he extends one to offer her a pamphlet. “Ah, it is a joy to finally meet you, Samantha Arias.”

Sam stares at him. She’s never seen the man in her life.

He holds out his hand. “I have followed your rise. You too have been touched by the stars. Just as our resident hero.”

What the hell? She pushes to her feet and tries to push past him, but several other cultists block her way. She’s surrounded. “Please move out of the way. You have the wrong person.”

“Do we?” The man leers closer, his blue-grey eyes focused on her face, and his smile smarmy at best. “We have long sought you. But not even Patricia Arias could hide you for long.” He holds out a pamphlet and grins.

A chill swept down Sam’s spine. What the hell did a creepy cultist have to do with her? Maybe she should check on her mother after all. At least to make sure she has some security, because yeah, her mother may not give a shit about her, but Sam can’t do the same.

“You have the wrong person,” she snaps through gritted teeth. That seems safest at least until she can figure out how the hell this random cultist knows who she is. She jerks away from him and pushes forward.

Several other cultists block her path. The sweat from their thick robes emit a nasty odor Sam did not need to smell. Hint of claustrophobia starts to sizzle down her spine, and the need to get out amplifies. The shouts from the protesters, plus the soft murmurs of a chant from the cultists ripple through Sam’s ears.

That’s when a cultist grabs her arm, and her arm burns like she’d been stabbed. Shit. She needs to get away and fast.

“Move it!” She uses an Aikido move to break free and spin the cultist into another. Darting through the opening, she shoulder bumps a third out of her way and finally bursts free to the front of L-Corp. Security guards rush out finally and start to push the crowd back.

#Sam Arias #Lena Luthor #Kara Danvers #supergirl cw #supercorp #supergirl #cw supergirl #reigncorp #Ruby Arias #the worldkiller arc re-envisioned #This chapter is horror #CW for dismemberment and violence and trippy amnesic events #I really do love the ghazal poetic form so weaving it into Sam and Rory's POVs was fun

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