#i relate to kara so much in this moment

[lucyllawless]

[kj-yikes]

3. Dress

(read on ao3)

Lena isn't at all surprised when she catches sight of Kara and her heart jumps into her throat.

Kara is always stunning. In slacks and a button down. In sweats. In her supersuit. But Lena has a particular soft spot for Kara in dresses.

Kara had been in a dress the first time they met. Lena had been distracted by Clark and his insinuations, but Kara had still caught her eye. Tall, gorgeous, blonde ringlets, legs for days, a little dorky, wrapped in a cute pastel pink cardigan.

It wasn't the outfit though, that really sealed the deal for Lena. Nor was it the adorably awkward demeanor of the woman. It was the flash of understanding passing over Kara's face when Lena said she was looking to make a name for herself outside of her family. Kara's face, as Lena would discover, is always an open book, and Lena had recognized the earnestness with which Kara related to the sentiment.

Each time Lena sees Kara in a dress, she's taken back to that first, fateful meeting, the day her life changed irrevocably. She's taken back, and it never fails to make butterflies erupt in Lena's stomach.

Today, at Alex and Kelly's wedding, Kara's in a light blue thin-strapped dress that shows off the gorgeous slope of her neck to her shoulders. It's stunning, and Lena can't keep her eyes off of the super.

As she listens to Kara's melodic voice singing with Winn, Lena marvels at the events that brought them to this particular moment: Kara, landing on Earth after the destruction of her home; Lex's breakdown that brought Lena to National City; the pain, the betrayal, but also the hope, the connection, the adoration.

Kara eyes keep finding Lena's in the crowd as she sings, and each time, a small blush spreads over the blonde's cheeks. Lena finds it incredibly endearing, her heart swelling with fondness.

It's so much feeling to contain within her that it's hard to keep it from spilling over.

Lena struggles valiantly through the ceremony and the reception after to keep it contained, but she's surrounded by love, warmth, belonging.

She can't help when it overflows and seeps out.

"Dance with me?" Lena asks boldly, extending her hand out towards where Kara is sitting. Kara's face forms a shy smile as she takes Lena's hand and follows her to the dance floor.

Goosebumps rise on Lena's arms as Kara's hands snake around her waist, clenching the silky purple fabric at her back as they sway to the music. Deliberately, Lena slides her hands across Kara's collabones and settle them at her neck. The soft, velvety skin under her fingertips is enticing, but Lena resists letting her hands wander too far.

Kara can't seem to resist, though. She slides a hand up the gap in Lena's blouse to rest against her chest, and it feels like Kara has placed her hand on Lena's very soul.

"I haven't had the chance to tell you how beautiful you look tonight." The words slip out of Lena's mouth before she has a chance to stop them. Kara looks down at her bashfully, shaking her head. "It's true, don't shake your head. The most gorgeous woman here."

Kara's cheeks flush bright red. "How can that be true when you're here and looking like this?"

Lena laughs and looks at Kara carefully. Words of affection flow pretty freely in their friendship, in general, but tonight, it feels different.

Maybe it's because it's a wedding, and it's hard not to be in love at a wedding. Maybe it's because every good morning text, every break sitting on the couch at the tower with legs accidentally grazing legs, every shared potsticker during movie night, has been leading up to this inevitable moment. Maybe Lena's just finally mustered the courage to act on the feelings she's had for years.

Lena presses her forehead to Kara's, sinking deeper into bright blue eyes. "Kara?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I kiss you?"

"Yes." Kara looks surprised by the answer that slips from her lips, but her eyes sparkle with curiosity and warmth.

Lena's lips ghost against Kara's, before she finally closes the gap.

The kiss is soft, slow, tender. Sparks start at her heart and shoot through her body. Her heart beats, beats, beats as she learns the taste of Kara's lips, the feel of them against hers. Lena could spend eternity with her lips pressed against Kara's.

It's over too soon. Kara pulls away slowly and opens her eyes, scanning Lena's face with an unreadable expression. Then, suddenly, it's like the clouds part in Kara's eyes, and a wide smile spreads on her lips.

"Lena," Kara murmurs, then Kara's lips are on Lena's again, her hands cupping Lena's face and pulling her closer.

Lena is mildly aware that the slow song is over, as she hears the thump of the speaker blasting a more upbeat song. But Kara's fingertips are clawing desperately at Lena's hips and she can feel Kara sigh against her lips, and Lena can't bring herself to stop. Desire shoots through her veins, engulfing her. Pulling her deeper, deeper still, until it feels like they've melded into one being through their joined lips.

"Kara, don't get me wrong, I am so happy that this is finally happening, but can you please get a room? This is my wedding."

They jump apart like lightning has struck between them.

"S-sorry," Kara says sheepishly, her eyes not leaving Lena's. Alex rolls her eyes as she turns to Lena, a finger outstretched towards her.

"I've got my eye on you, Luthor. Treat her well." Alex tries to hide a smile as she pokes Lena's sternum. Lena forces down a chuckle and quirks an eyebrow. Moving her head to the beat, Alex half dances, half walks backwards, still pointing back and forth from her eyes to pointing at Lena.

Lena feels so light and free as she gathers Kara back into her arms, takes her hand, and spins her to the music.

The rest of the evening is filled with silly dance moves, laughter, and joy. When it's finally time for Kelly and Alex to depart, the crowd gathers around the car to see them off. Lena, who hasn't parted from Kara all evening, wraps her arms around the blonde's waist from behind.

"You truly look gorgeous in that dress, darling," Lena presses herself against Kara's back, whispering into the shell of her ear, "but if you're up for it later, I'd love to see what it looks like on my floor."

Kara's hand freezes mid-wave. She cranes her neck to look at Lena, her dark, hungry eyes juxtaposed with an adorable blush on her cheeks and neck.

"I— uh, yep, yeah, please, okay," Kara stammers, and Lena looks up at her with absolute adoration.

"Let's go home."

[dreamsfulblues]

It’s my mission in life to inspire people into watching or in general knowing about Osomatsu-San pffff

It’s so good at being comedic and crazy while including episodes that get emotional and having moments that hit close to home (Espically for people that are around the NEETs age. Like there is one episode in season 3 that just…I could relate to it so much)

It’s amazing how it shows the struggles of becoming a normal functioning young adult and leaving behind your childhood while still being funny.

And I love that it’s basically about 6 miserable pathetic misfits that actually have some good sides about them. They may be assholes but they have hearts of gold.

The brothers are such charming and fun characters in their own weird little way. They are oddly relatable too.

I need to use more Kara memes in non-Oso conversations so people get curious and confused on who this blue fucker is and why I’m screaming about him

Idk why but it makes me sad it became so underrated and even forgotten. It deserves all the love

2024 BEING THE YEAR OF MATSU LETS GO

[fyonahmacnally]

Watching Her

Kara stares at the blank screen in front of her. She’s been sitting at her dining room table for what feels like days. She needs to be writing her article, but it seems her brain has other plans. Instead, she’s trying to string together the words that have plagued her mind for months. Well, plaguing her for years really, if she’s being honest. 

Plus, lately there’s this urgent need to explain to her raven haired goddess of a best friend how much she means to the hero. Every time Kara thinks she can speak it aloud, the words get stuck in her throat. So, she thought she’d write them instead. Apparently that’s not working either since she’s been staring at her screen for Rao knows how long. No article and no words for Lena. She’s come up short either way. Since the genius woman left for Newfoundland a few days ago, the blonde hasn’t been able to think of much else. 

Just Lena. Always Lena.

Her time in the Phantom Zone was wrought with the fear of never seeing those mesmerizing bi-colored eyes or touching soft porcelain skin again. Their relationship has weathered storms most married couples haven’t faced. A sentiment that forces her thoughts down a path she’s skillfully avoided for years. Kara knows they reconciled and have swapped both apologies and forgiveness, but she’s still not sure where they stand. What they are. Friends? Yes, but there’s always been more. Unfortunately, dealing with the madness surrounding Lex and Nyxly hasn’t given them much time to sort through things. To truly talk.

There are countless things Kara wants to say. While in the Phantom Zone, she relived almost every moment of her relationship with Lena. The worst of things played out before her on most occasions, but the visions also allowed her subconscious to say things she’s always been too cowardly to say. As much as being there sucked, it also gave her insight into how much is still unsaid between them. Insight into where her true home lies. Who is her perfect partner at game night. 

It’s Lena. It has always been Lena.

She shakes her head with a sigh. The cursor on her screen mocks her. This is what happens every time she tries to put words on the page. Her thoughts instantly drift to Lena and all the words she’s choked back or refused to speak. Then a smile drifts across her lips, thoughts of how close she came to kissing the raven haired goddess. Right there in the middle of the tower when she first greeted Lena. If it hadn’t been for Alex and everyone else in the room, she might have. 

No, she’s sure she would have.

“Rao, stop it Kara!” She mutters to herself, slapping her forehead to punctuate her point. “You have an article to write. Even if it is a fluff piece for Andrea.”

Rolling her eyes at the thought of her boss, she straightens her spine, stretches her arms in front of her, shakes them out, and settles back in to write. 

A few hours later, Kara realizes she’s been writing a stream of consciousness. Her once blank document is filled with words. It’s great that she was able to get so many words on the page, but it’s absolutely, 100% not related to the article she needs to write for her deadline. A deadline two days from now. 

Nope. 

Every single word is related to Lena. 

Kara drops her chin to her chest, blowing out a breath of frustration before sitting back in her chair and dragging her hands down her face. “Okay, I guess I should read through this mess of thoughts. Maybe it will give me something for Lena.”

As her eyes rove over the page, drinking in the words she has written, Kara feels her body grow warm. Before her, on the laptop screen, sits the words she’s been looking for. The combination of things she’s longed to share with her best friend for the better part of six years. Sure, she’s going to have to edit some things and polish it up. However, she’s confident she finally has the words she wants to share. 

Lena comes back early. Kara isn’t sure why, but her raven haired friend doesn’t seem open to talking about it. She can tell something is on Lena’s mind though. The woman’s behavior certainly derails Kara’s plan to give Lena the journal/letter she wrote. 

Just another delay. Such is the life they live. The life of a hero.

They make plans to hangout together. Kara invites Lena to her loft to catch up and eat pie. Because…pie! 

The blonde watches her, drinking in her profile. Strong, sharp jawline. Soft, pouty lips. Perfectly manicured brows, vibrant porcelain skin, and shiny ebony locks cascading down her back, a few strands hanging over her shoulder and resting on her collarbone. Lena is without a doubt the most beautiful person Kara has ever seen, across any and all planets she’s been on. This woman captivates her, steals her breath, and owns her heart. 

She must get lost in her observation because the next thing she feels is a soft hand on her forearm breaking her from her trance.

“Kara?” Lena practically whispers, squeezing the hero’s forearm. “Darling, are you okay?”

She clears her throat, her embarrassment no doubt on display across her cheeks, spreading onto her ears. “Umm, yeah. F-Fine.”

Lena cocks her head to the side, patented eyebrow raise in place. “Want to try again? I know you didn’t catch what I said because you undoubtedly would have responded.” She releases the blonde’s forearm before shifting to face her. “Now, tell me what’s going on in that beautiful brain of yours.”

A long, shaky sigh makes its way out of Kara’s mouth. She is unquestionably not going to admit what currently has her distracted. Which means she needs to come up with something that is close to the truth, but doesn’t force her to admit her feelings. Not yet.

“I just, well, I missed you.” She reaches up to adjust glasses that aren’t there before diverting her hand to tuck a stray hair behind her ear. “There’s so much we have to catch up on and it’s a little surreal that you’re here. With me. Right now.” She trails off, the fading blush from a few minutes ago rushing back across her impervious skin. 

A full, gorgeous, dimpled smile spreads across Lena’s face. It’s the smile that Kara used to see all the time during their countless lunch dates and game nights. It makes her heart stutter in her chest, a sight more beautiful than Rao’s dawn on Krypton. 

“I missed you, too. We do have a lot to catch up on.” Lena winks at her before sitting her half-eaten pie on the coffee table. “Do you want me to finish what I was saying or are you ready to tell me what’s got you so distracted?”

“Y-You go ahead and finish what you were saying. We can talk about my scattered brain later.” She gives her most endearing grin, hoping it will persuade her best friend to continue.

It works. They exchange stories for the next couple of hours. Lena shares what she learned about her mother and how apparently she comes from a long line of powerful sorceresses. Kara shares the crazy things they fought and dealt with in her absence along with the plan to get rid of Lex and Nyxly for good. Another night of completely skirting her inner dialogue. 

And so it goes for several weeks afterward. They spend their time working to get rid of the worst Luthor and his psychotic fifth-dimensional girlfriend. In the aftermath of William’s death, losing Lillian, and Alex and Kelly’s wedding, Lena seems to come to terms with her magical abilities and gain confidence in her new identity as the last Luthor standing. 

The good Luthor.

While Alex and Kelly are on their honeymoon, Kara and Lena finally have the conversation both of them have been putting off. 

The two of them are curled up on opposite ends of Kara’s couch, each holding a cup of their preferred tea. They exchange shy, knowing smiles for several seconds before Lena breaks the comfortable silence.

“You know, I used to think the biggest monsters I had to fear were Lex and Lillian.” Lena softly says, running her finger along the edge of her rapidly cooling mug. “Over the past year and especially these last few months, I’ve learned we make our own monsters. We make our own monsters, then fear them for what they show us about ourselves.”

A plethora of emotions swirl in the verdant eyes that look up and connect with concerned, but affectionate blue ones. They revel in brief silence, drinking in the intimacy and vulnerability of their shared space. Two battered souls that completely understand one another in ways no one else can.

Lena takes a deep breath, sits her now cold mug on the coffee table, and pats the cushion next to her hoping Kara will slide closer. She watches as Kara places her own mug down and shuffles across the couch, planting herself close enough that Lena’s knee sits against the side of her thigh. A delicate, pale hand rests on top of a warm tan one.

Kara turns her hand to lace their fingers together, gently squeezing Lena’s in a show of comfort. “I get that, at least I think I do. We’ve both been through so much in our lives, so much trauma.” The hero sucks in a ragged breath, all the things she’s lost flashing through her mind. “We both have wounds that will never show on our bodies. Wounds that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds. But, as painful as they are, they’ve built us into who we are.”

A soft huff and a chuckle of incredulity sound beside her causing blue eyes to shift from their hands to Lena’s half-amused, half-saddened expression. “You’re not wrong, but I wish there was a better, less painful path to get here.” She rolls her eyes at the situation. “I guess part of my point in saying this about Lex and Lillian is that loving and yearning for love can be blinding. Sometimes, I think, we don’t really see how toxic someone is until we finally breathe fresher air.”

Lena lifts her free hand to gently rub soft patterns into the skin on Kara’s hand still clasped in hers. “When I was in Newfoundland, it reminded me that who I am and where I came from are only small pieces of who I want to be. Being in the fresh air, away from the Luthor name gave me a new perspective. It helped me realize some things.” 

A wistful smile spreads across her face as she pauses her ministrations on Kara’s skin. “There is a home no one can take from you, a home that will last. I think who you are, who you surround yourself with, and what you believe in is your real home. For me, that home is you, Kara.” She takes a shaky breath and makes eye contact with the blonde, hoping to convey how truly sincere she is. The raw truth in her statement.

Kara’s breath catches, her eyes glisten with tears. Lena hasn’t actually said the words she longs to hear, but it carries the same meaning. She does her best to collect her emotions and prevent the epic ramble she can sense coming. There is a journal/letter or whatever you want to call it she needs to share with Lena. So. She needs to get herself together. 

Which is hard when Lena looks so stunning. The happiness and confidence that exudes from her without Lex and Lillian looming over her, it makes her more alluring than ever. Kara’s mind constantly drifts to thoughts of ebony locks and viridian eyes.

Rao, Lena has never looked so beautiful. She’s a goddess amongst mere mortals…

She shakes her head and forces herself back to reality.

“You know, I spent a lot of time thinking about things too. While you were in Newfoundland, I mean. Well, and while I was in the Phantom Zone. Lots of time to think there.” She shakes her head, the urge to ramble growing stronger and she wants to do this right. Blowing out a breath and pulling another in, she tries to calm herself before trying again. “I’ve given a lot of thought to having a home and what it really means to me. I always see the same thing, Lena. Your face, your smile. It’s always you. I, umm, I wrote something about it while you were gone.”

Releasing their connected hands proves more difficult than she anticipated, but she manages. She pulls the folded paper from her pocket where it has been since she finished it. Her hope was the right moment would present itself and she could either let Lena read it or read it to her. Now the moment is here and she’s more nervous than her Pulitzer ceremony.

Clearing her throat, she pauses before locking eyes with her best friend and lightly shrugs. “I guess I’m not sure if you want to just read it or if you want me to read it to you. I mean, I’ll do either. Just as long as you know what it says and…” A nervous chuckle escapes and she shifts herself on the couch, turning her body toward her best friend. “What would you prefer? I’m going to be nervous and jittery regardless.”

Lena tilts her head and lifts her hand to her chin feigning thought. “Well, if you are giving me the choice, I am going to choose having you read it to me.” She pats the Kryptonian on the thigh before leaning her elbow onto the backrest of the couch, propping her head in her hand. “If I can listen to your words and hear your thoughts through your voice, I am going to choose that option every time, Kara.”

They laugh and settle into place as Kara unfolds the paper. She knows this is going to change things, she just doesn’t know how much. With one last look at the woman that holds her heart, she begins to read.

--------------------------

Watching her. It’s something I catch myself doing quite frequently. It’s not that I mean to or I do it on purpose. It just happens. She’s always captivated me. Her wit. Her brilliance. Her grace. Not to mention her eyes. Her smile. Her armor piercing eyebrow raise. There are so many things about her that reel me in.

From the first moment our eyes met, the first time my eyes connected with the deep pools of sea green, I knew she was special. Someone important. And that is the moment my world shifted.

Watching her is distracting. She moves with a sense of surety and power unlike any I’ve seen. Her intelligence is a super power very few possess, she wields it with both caution and tenacity. The desire to help others is so innate to her soul, even the sinister Luthors couldn’t break her drive to do good.

From the first time she helped save the city, I knew she was a hero. A woman worthy of respect and honor, no matter the name she was born under. That was the moment I knew we could take on the world together.

Watching her is awe inspiring. She is so willing to give, to help others, to share her inventions and love of science for the betterment of society, for the greater good of the world. She strives to help others, sometimes even at the detriment of herself.

From the moment she put herself on the line for the safety of others, I knew she was worthy of more than what so many hurl at her. Worthy of love, trust, and respect, leagues beyond what the world has given her.

Watching her is life changing. Life has so many twists and turns, nothing is guaranteed or promised. But when I see her, when I watch her teach her goddaughter new things, when I watch her toss her head back in unrestrained laughter, even when I watch tears drift down her pale cheeks…watching her is life changing.

From the moment I first held her in my arms, I knew my life was forever changed. The gift of her smile is priceless, the gift of her trust is sacred, but the gift of her love is divine.

Watching her has forever changed my life, finding her is how I found my home. --------------------------

Kara finishes reading, but is hesitant to look up. She’s not sure how Lena is going to react and doesn’t want to see rejection reflected back at her. It isn’t until she hears a soft sniffle that her head bolts up and her eyes find teary, sparkling green ones. 

Her eyes widen and she reaches out to wipe the tears away. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.” The blonde grabs the box of tissues from the coffee table and hands one to Lena. “Are you okay? Do you need me to leave? I can…”

Her rambling words are halted by a soft finger pressing against her lips. She keeps her eyes on the woman the finger belongs to. The mossy pools she’s gotten lost in countless times search her oceanic ones, apparently finding what she needs.

Lena slowly removes her finger, gently lifting both hands to rest on Kara’s cheeks. She presses their foreheads together and sighs. “I guess two lost little girls finally found their home.”

Neither of them know who leaned in first. In the end, it really doesn’t matter. Not when the result is their lips pressing together and a home to call their own.

[torialefay]

☀️ Everyday Idol 🌙 (Chapter 13)

✨ possible bangchan x reader (f), possible jungkook x reader (f)

✨ head on over to my masterlist if you haven’t checked out the previous chapters!

✨wc: ~5.2k

✨ friends to lovers? possible love triangle? obsession? angst and future smut??? a little fluff.

✨ summary: JYP Entertainment launches a new show and y/n somehow gets recruited. Even though she doesn’t particularly care about the outcome of the show, she does particularly care about one of the artists she met: Chris from Stray Kids. Does Chris feel the same or will a potential relationship with one of his friends overcome what y/n feels for him?

✨ warnings: cursing from time to time, smut!!!! 🔞

————————————————————————————

Previous Chapter Recap:

When you’d told Jungkook that you wouldn’t mind being with him, you’d meant for it to be more flirty than serious. But this… this was serious.

You grinned as you came back from being locked into that moment of time, back to reality. But now, reality was like your fantasies, and your fantasies were your reality. Your head felt like it was floating.

“I think I could get used to it,” you beamed, still in a quiet tone.

You watched as all of the worries visibly melted off of Jungkook’s face. His eyes now shining bright with hope, stupid grin plastered on his face.

“In that case,” he started, letting his body reflexively move closer to you, “I’d really like to make this official. Y/N, will you be my girlfriend?”

—————————————————————————————

Note: Character relations you can refer back to if needed.

Y/n- Changbin’s mentee

Anna- best friend, Felix’s mentee

Kara- Seungmin’s mentee

Sunnie- Han’s mentee

Mindi- Hyunjin’s mentee

Nisha- Lee Know’s mentee

Alyssa- Jeongin’s mentee

Jenna- Chan’s mentee

—————————————————————————————

Sunday, 9 AM

Chan’s POV:

Chan fluttered his eyes open, squinting them as he tried to make sense of where he was. The sun that was peaking through the curtain was dancing right into his eyes, blinding him for a moment. Before he had the chance to sit upright, he felt the familiar pounding in his head. Like a hammer repeatedly jabbing in.

He instinctively reached his hand up to hold his temple, right over the spot where it began to throb.

‘Never again,’ he thought, rolling himself onto his side so that he could get some pressure released and some much needed relief from the sun’s rays almost obliterating his corneas.

He groaned as he turned, feeling sandpaper where his tongue should be. The nonexistent saliva in his mouth had his throat completely dried up.

As his body landed on it’s side, he stopped for a moment.

‘What the fuck?’ He looked around from top to bottom of the room. ‘What happened last night?’

And suddenly he realized, not only was he not in his own bed, but he was completely, butt ass naked.

As if it mattered, he automatically brought the bedding around himself, tucking all of his body under to make sure nothing could be seen.

He breathed out a sigh of relief as he rolled over. He was just in Changbin’s room. And no one else had been in the bed beside him.

‘What happened?’ Chan thought to himself as he huffed out, letting his arms flop out wide. He laid like that for several minutes, lost in his own, pounding head. He was trying to recall the events of the night prior. Anything that could help him… anything.

The last moments he could recall… it was fuzzy, but he could remember scenarios, albeit not what happened in them. He remembered talking to you outside. About Jungkook, he was sure, but he didn’t know just what he’d said to you about him. And then, the restaurant… talking to the group again? Talking to Changbin. His memory stopped then. The blur of almost nothingness turned into total darkness, unable to recall a single event for several hours.

And so he laid, staring up, and wallowing in his pain until he couldn’t stand it. He breathed in a sharp breath as he sat up in the bed, exhaling harshly once he had come to the position. He scanned the table by the bed hoping to find water, soda, alcohol… anything was better than this burning in his throat. But alas, there was nothing to be found.

He located his clothes thrown down beside the bed before hoisting himself up with a tinge of pain. He felt the faintest waning of nausea as he bent over to grab his pants and throw them on, one leg at a time, almost not bothered to even button them.

He held his hand to his head as he begrudgingly shuffled to the kitchen, hoping the members had slept in so he would have a while to collect himself in peace. And as he approached, the total silence confirmed that his wish was true. Not a soul in sight.

He hurriedly filled himself a glass of water before funneling it down as best he could manage. He stumbled over toward the shared medicine cabinet to get some pain reliever, knocking it back with the remaining water in the glass. He groaned at the stretch in his throat from forcing himself to swallow at the wrong time, almost coughing up the pills entirely. He knew he’d have to keep up with the water if he wanted to feel any ounce better, so he filled his glass one more time before heading to his bedroom.

As he walked from the cold kitchen, down the hallway to his door, he remembered the fact that he probably should try to eat too, although he wasn’t sure that he’d be able to stomach it.

The plan, he thought: go back to bed, order food (there’s no way he could cook today), and slowly try to eat and nurse the pounding in his head. Simple enough. He figured he’d just text the members and let them know that he wasn’t feeling well so that they’d leave him be for the next several hours. If today was anything like a normal weekend though, the kids in his dorm wouldn’t be awake for a long while.

After swinging his door open, he huffed at the sight of Changbin sleeping soundly in his bed.

‘I guess fair is fair,’ he thought. At least in this case, Changbin was actually clothed.

Chan quietly made his way over, gently setting his treasured glass of water on the table.

He leaned himself slightly to put a hand on Bin’s back. He rocked it back and forth ever so gently. “Bin, wake up. You need to go to your own room,” he said in a hushed tone, not wanting to startle him awake.

It took Changbin a few moments to stir. As cognizance came over his face, he slowly got his eyes to open, blinking to try to get some vision in the darkness of Chan’s room. He smacked his lips a few times before letting out a grunt and rolling over.

“Come on, you’ve got to get up,” Chan said, shaking Changbin a bit harder now.

Bin’s groggy voice tried its best to strain out. “Ugghh… Carry me.” Even in his sleepy state, he couldn’t act serious.

Chan lightly shook his head, a tiny ounce of relief going across it as he sat on the side of the bed, his body parallel to Bin’s. “You know I can’t do that. My head’s about to bust, bro. I’ve got to lay down.”

Changbin took another final moment before taking a deep breath and grumbling, slowly using his arms to push himself upright. He threw his feet over so that he was sitting on the edge of the bed, completely facing away from Chan. After blinking a few times, he tried acclimating his eyes to his surroundings. “Are you feeling any better since last night?” he asked in a hushed tone.

Changbin picked up on the cues as all Chan had to offer up was a weak “Well…” before rubbing his hands along his face.

The boys sat in the silence for a moment. “Do you remember what happened last night?” Changbin asked, direct.

Chan shifted slightly in his position as he continued to hold his head. He reached for his glass of water again, suddenly feeling his tongue go dry. He didn’t answer. He didn’t need to answer.

“Do you want me to tell you now or later?” Bin asked, swinging his body around so that he could look Chan in the face. Actually see his reaction.

“Now, I guess,” Chan replied nervously, biting at the dried skin on his lips. He held his glass with both hands before lowering it to rest just above his lap.

“Okay. What’s the last thing you remember?”

Chan thought long and hard. “I don’t know. My memory is fuzzy. I remember getting really mad. At Y/n I think…” he trailed off for a moment. “I remember everyone being at the restaurant. And I remember talking to you while we were there. I remember being mad then too. But I don’t really know what about… What else am I missing?”

“Oh geez,” Changbin held his head down. “That’s it? That’s all you’ve got?”

Chan paused for what felt like a minute. ‘Oh no.’ “Yeah…” he trailed off.

“Alright listen,” Changbin said, fully turning himself so that he was facing Chan directly. He locked eyes with him. “Before I say anything, you need to promise you won’t freak out. It’s okay, alright?”

“What did I do?!” Chan’s breath was raised, panic stuck in his voice.

“Shh, I said it’s okay. It’s alright… okay?” Bin pressed him again.

“Okay,” Chan said, taking a deep breath to brace himself for whatever Changbin was about to reveal to him.

“We were at the restaurant, and you’d had… quite-a-few-drinks-I’m-not-really-sure,” Changbin started, rushing the last words together. “Then you said you were going to go outside to wait with Y/n until her ride got there. I guess when you went out, it ended up being Jungkook. I’m not sure what was said out there, but we heard you yelling from inside the restaurant. And another voice yelling back that I think was Y/n. I couldn’t really make it out.”

Chan’s breathing had already quickened. The words had already confirmed his thought that something had transpired with Jungkook, but it was killing him that he didn’t know what.

“And then, I decided to go out and see what was going on. You were kind of swaying back and forth and… I’ll be honest, you just looked pitiful. I went up to get you and walk you back inside because people started staring.” Bin let out a breath before continuing. “When we got back inside, it was bad. I don’t think I’ve seen you that angry since our trainee days,” he chuckled, trying to ease the tension any way he could. When Chris didn’t reciprocate, he quickly moved on. “You didn’t say much about what happened, so don’t worry about that. No one knows. They just knew that something bad had went down. And well… you started getting kind of.. aggressive. Kicking at stuff, pushing stuff out of your way, yelling about how nobody knew the truth and you couldn’t stand it anymore. We tried to hold you back, but you pushed us off before you could get to the alcohol and down another bottle of soju. We were worried man, so finally we got you to put it down… well it kind of went to the floor and broke everywhere, but that’s not the point. Minho and I finally held you down enough to get you out of there, but you were yelling the whole time. Something like ‘I’ll protect her. I’ll protect all of you. I won’t let him touch you, okay?!’”

Chan looked down in embarrassment. ‘Good one, Chris. You’ve single-handedly ruined your image in front of everyone. Good job.’ Deep breath.

“I can’t believe I did thattt,” he dragged out, throwing his head downward and into his hands. He hoped the blackness now surrounding his eyes would make him just disappear.

“I told you it’s okay. That was the worst of it.” Changbin said nonchalantly.

“There’s more?” Chan’s head shot up. He’d thought that had been the ending of his rough night.

“Not much, but, well- just with us,” Changbin paused for half a second. “We got you calmed down enough to get in the car. You were fine on the ride home for the most part. You were ranting a little, but nothing really made sense.”

Chan breathed a sigh of relief, happy that he hadn’t revealed too much.

“When we got to the apartment, you kind of started up again, but we convinced you to drink some water and eat some snacks, which helped a little. We kind of just kept trying to distract you until you sobered up a little.” Changbin inhaled deeply. “Once you started feeling a bit better, Minho left to go to bed, so I stayed up to make sure you were alright. You started rambling about how you ‘needed everyone to know,’ but you wouldn’t say what it was. It was like you were talking out of your mind. Like I love you, but bro, you literally would not shut up for 10 minutes,” Changbin offered up a small smile, earning a tiny one from Chan in response.

“I finally got you to go to my room so we weren’t too loud to wake the others up. You were a little bit better at that point, so I figured you’d be able to calm down and go to sleep soon. And, well, you did calm down.. Sort of… I mean kind of, in a way,” Changbin had trouble finding the right words. Chan held on to every syllable.

Changbin continued, finally finding his footing after several seconds. He laid his hand out flat, closer to Chan, signaling to him that it was alright. “Just know I would never repeat any of this to anyone, okay? You’ve got my promise. But you kind of- started getting emotional. I was a little bit surprised to be honest because it was the most vulnerable I’d ever seen you.”

Chan’s cheeks lit up bright pink.

“You told me how much you liked Y/n. And that you were convinced.. that you love her,” Changbin’s voice was low, making sure that no one else would hear. Chan gulped, trying to look anywhere but at Changbin.

“You said that you knew a secret, but that you couldn’t tell anyone. You said that it was eating you alive. And you kinda just broke down. Like full on sobbing. And I didn’t know what to do because everything I tried wasn’t helping, so I told you that you could talk to me about it. I promise I won’t say a word to anyone… So yeah, it kind of just came out of you…” Changbin waited for a reaction. “I’m so sorry bro,” he reached to pat Chan’s arm. “And after that, we really just talked some more and I tried to distract you. I guess it worked because you got pretty tired. I tried to get you back to your room, but obviously that didn’t work,” he laughed.

“We both ended up just falling asleep. I didn’t mind obviously,” Changbin cleared his throat before continuing. “But you know how you can have really vivid dreams?… I guess I didn’t know that you can talk in your sleep too. I woke up and heard some stuff I probably shouldn’t have,” Bin smiled, shaking his head. “So I just left and got in your bed.”

Chan sat quietly still, soaking in all of the information. “What kind of stuff?”

Changbin had an entertained smirk on his face, not sure where to begin answering the question, but holding back a laugh anyway. “It wasn’t as much words as it was… noises,” he giggled. “And uhh, throwing out a certain name from time to time.” He grinned so hard that he was sure he’d never be able to get it off.

Chan’s stomach dropped before the mortifying feeling set in. He’d dreamed about you? About, well… doing things to you? With Changbin in the bed with him? He was sure he was about to die of humiliation. All he could do was throw his face into his lap to hide himself.

“Hey, don’t feel bad!” Changbin added, patting Chan lightly on his back. “I’m sure it happens from time to time for all of us. You’d just had a lot on your mind is all.”

Changbin was trying his best to diffuse the situation, and for that, Chan was grateful. But it didn’t replace the fact that he’d done it, that he didn’t recall doing it, and that he’d been caught.

“Jesus dude, I’m so sorry,” Chan got out, voice high and shaky.

“Don’t apologize. Like I said, it’s okay. Everything is fine. No one has said anything, and no one will say anything… And your secret is safe with me, alright? We never have to bring this up again,” Changbin reassured.

Usually, Bin’s words would have helped him feel better. But in this moment, all he could think of was how concerned and sorry he now was about the fact that he’d woken up in no clothes. That part, he’d never tell.

Chan nodded.

—————————————————————

Thursday, 12:30 PM

Y/n’s POV:

The past few days had been absolutely magical. Well, that may be an exaggeration. But certain moments sure felt like it.

You’d seen Jungkook almost every day this week. Being with him was almost better than you could imagine. The butterflies you’d felt for him were still semi-there, but a lot of them had been replaced by warmth. He was just so good to you. In every way possible. He listened. He came to you if you needed him. He spoiled the fuck out of you. And most importantly, he made you feel loved.

Things at JYPE were back to normal… for the most part. None of the girls had mentioned anything about the night at the restaurant. On Monday when you’d first arrived, you could tell they felt like they were walking on egg shells around you. But by the end of the day, everything had gone back to normal. You weren’t sure if they’d heard you yelling at Chan in front of the restaurant, but you were thankful that they didn’t bring it up (or prod around) if they did.

Dance practices and voice lessons had gone back to normal. Everyone had learned each other’s strengths and weaknesses like the back of your hand. You knew what you needed to work on and what you could put on the back burner. The other girls did as well. Which meant that although you practiced together as a group in the mornings and the evenings, the middle of the day was usually spent either on your own entirely or separately with choreographers/vocal coaches/producers/mentors/staff members- the list goes on. You’d done fairly well at avoiding Chan, except for times when you absolutely couldn’t, like in group practices when he would come to help. Otherwise, you’d been able to escape his presence almost entirely.

Until today, when he happened to come to the cafeteria and had to sit at the table right next to yours. You’d already been seated with your friends for some time now, and Chan had come over to sit with some of the members of a younger boy trainee group. The way his face dropped when he’d sat down and turned to see you sitting just 5 feet away was unmissable. You weren’t going to give him the satisfaction of looking his way (you wanted to seem unbothered of course), but you couldn’t miss it out of the corner of your eye. There was definitely an awkward shift of tension at the table though once everyone realized. Once you noticed, you tried to come up with a new topic of conversation. Anything to distract from the obvious… Until you couldn’t stop fidgeting and suddenly, you had to see the obvious.

Sunnie leaned in closer to you. Naturally, all the girls followed. She whispered as quietly as she could while still being somewhat audible. “Look, none of us know what happened between you and Chris last weekend, and this isn’t me asking for answers, but I just wanted to let you know that whatever did happen, we’re on your side.Trust me,” she looked Chan’s direction discretely before rolling her eyes.

Anna had told you everything… Well, as much as she could remember. She’d downed quite a few drinks herself by the end of the night. She had described to you how Chan had gotten belligerent and borderline terrifying. All of the girls were pretty freaked out, and the members were apologizing for him profusely as he was dragged out. She could tell that they weren’t exactly unbothered by it though. The boys confirmed that he rarely drank, but they’d never seen him behave like this when he did. You were glad that no one had pressed you for any more questions.

“Yeah, he really let his true colors shine,” Kara added. “And.. I’m just so glad that you are okay,” she offered up a weak smile.

All eyes were on you, seeing what response you could properly give. There really wasn’t one though. None that you could give that were totally truthful. Or… legal at this point.

The next time that you’d seen Jungkook (so literally the following day), you’d decided that you would keep your relationship private for the next few weeks. You weren’t quite ready for everything that came along with dating an idol… Not just yet. Day by day, you were feeling more comfortable though. You’d agreed to sign an NDA, which Jungkook seemed pissed about in the first place. He let you know how stupid it was, but that if the company knew that he was with you and didn’t have one, he’d be in a lot of trouble. And although it did make you feel a bit weird, you understood that it was just a part of this new world that you were entering into.

“He was… not in his right mind, for sure. But he wasn’t like that with me, thankfully,” you said lowly.

Eyes of your friends around you were still big, hanging onto the hope that you’d give them a sliver of something to go off of. Until this point, Anna was the only one who knew what was said that night. You still wanted to keep it that way, but telling them a tiny bit couldn’t hurt, right?

“He was just… I don’t know. I’m sure plenty of people have heard what’s being said about me. That I’m… *doing things* with people I guess,” you continued to whisper. “I don’t know if he got mad that the rumor was going around or what. He just… I don’t know. I don’t know what his deal was that night.”

By the sad pouts on the girls’ faces, you could tell that you’d pacified them enough. Even if you were leaving out some of the story, it felt good to share pieces of it with someone. To have people who could back you up.

“I guess that’s why he was so mad that night,” Sunnie continued. “He was frustrated that things were being involved with the company maybe? I mean, I don’t know if you all feel this way, but I don’t really feel comfortable around him anymore.”

“Me neither,” Mindi added, followed by the rest of the girls in agreement.

You couldn’t help but to wander you eyes to the next table. Unfortunately, your friends couldn’t either. And even more unfortunately, they landed on a Chan who was already looking in your direction.

‘Awkward,’ you thought before quickly jerking your head away.

Your friends tried to play it off, striking up a conversation as soon as any form of words came to mind. You couldn’t help it as the embarrassment lingered on your face though. After a minute or so, you decided to excuse yourself to the restroom. Hopefully to have some time away and to freshen yourself up.

You laughed at Mindi’s joke as you stood from your seat, instinctively moving your body out and to the side. What you didn’t see was a scattered-looking Chan who was doing the exact same. Before you realized what had happened, the sides of your hips had knocked into each other, wavering you a little bit.

Chan didn’t have so much luck. The unexpected contact had caused his drink to spill out onto his pants… In exactly the area no one wanted to draw attention to.

Acting on instinct, you quickly and frantically said “I’m so sorry!” before grabbing the napkins off of the table and bending down to press into the now wet area. It wasn’t until you paused for a moment that you realized your automatic response had led to you now dabbing the fabric along Chan’s dick. You quickly pulled your hand back and stood upright as an embarrassed sense of awareness washed over you.

Chan looked at you with wide-open eyes, lips parted, as if he had no clue how to react.

“I didn’t realize- I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to,” your mouth dropped as you couldn’t finish the sentence, gesturing down to the wet spot with your hands open.

“It’s okay,” he replied, almost too quickly. “I’ve gotta go,” he spit out before rushing past you and through the cafeteria doors.

You looked over to your friends who were mirroring your same shocked expression. “Oh my God,” you retracted your hand up quickly to drop the napkin on the table as if it was on fire.

‘I can’t believe I just touched his fucking dick.’

——————————————————————————

Thursday, 12:45 PM

Chan’s POV:

‘Shit, shit, shit, shit,’ Chan hysterically yelled in his head. He was all but sprinting to get to the nearest restroom. He hoped that everyone would think it was because he was embarrassed by the damp spot on his crotch and not because he was now sporting the biggest boner he could ever imagine.

How could he not? You had literally been bent over, face only inches away from his dick, holding your hand to press on it. ‘For me,’ he thought, his brain on high alert. He was freaking the fuck out. And there was nothing he could do to stop it.

His heart raced as he quickly ran into a stall, locking it speedily behind him. And now that he was here, when he could finally begin to still… What was he going to do now? Just ‘think it away?’ Thinking about it wasn’t going to do anything but make it worse. He held his hand around his clothed bulge as if that would somehow tame it down.

‘Think of anything else. Think of anything else,’ he told himself as he closed his eyes and leaned his back onto the door.

He stood like that for a moment, flipping through a million things in his mind.

Puppies? No, there’s no way he could think of Berry when he was like this.

Food? Well, he’d just finished the last bite before he’d stood up and got involved in this whole ordeal.

Cleaning his room?! ‘Oh there we go. Perfect.’ Chan thought about all the tasks he needed to finish when he got home last night. He needed to organize his bedside table, he needed to run the vacuum through, he needed to hang his clothes, making sure all of his hoodies were stocked and ready to go. His hoodies. His several black hoodies. The ones that he would lend you if you ever came over. How fucking cute you would look all cuddled up with the sleeves hanging over your hands.

‘Snap out of it,’ he told himself, taking a deep breath in and out. In and out. ‘Okay, what else do I need to do when I get home?’

The only thing left on his list would be to wash his bed sheets. No big deal. Except… oh god. His bed sheets. How he would wash them and get them fresh for you. For when you would come to spend the night with him. How good the mix of the clean sheets would smell mixed in with the smell of your favorite lotion and shampoo. How cozy it would feel when you’d cuddled yourself into him, his hoodie on, with one hand clinging to his chest and the other entangled in his hair. How good it would feel to have your hand running through his scalp. Those hands. The same hands that were basically on his cock 5 minutes ago.

‘Fuck.’ And how it would be those same little hands that ran from his hair, all the way down his body until they reached his bulge. How they would wrap around his dick and tease him until he leaked precum.

Chan couldn’t fight off the arousal now. He had accepted his fate. He leaned his head back, eyes closed, as he allowed himself to slip down his pants and boxers, just until his dick had room to pop out.

He knew he shouldn’t. Especially not here. But it was either this or sport a boner for the rest of the day.

He spit in his hands quickly before leaning back again, allowing himself to stroke along his length as his scenario played again in his head.

He thought now of you, how you would be the next one to do this to him. Instead of his hands, it would be yours. You’d look up at him with those beautiful eyes, making sure he liked it. And of course he fucking did.

He thought of how you’d take him into your mouth. Slowly at first, seeing if you were able to take in his full length. He knew you’d choke, and that turned him on even more.

He began to jerk his cock quickly as his thoughts sped up. How fast you’d try to go for him once you knew that he was close. And how you’d go faster and faster to the point that you’d start losing oxygen. How you would commit yourself fully to pleasing him and doing just what he liked. How you would make him squirm until the very last second. How his toes would curl and his legs would give out. Your beautiful, beautiful face getting fucked by him. He would cum so fucking hard.

And he was. Cumming so fucking hard, all over his hand, all over the floor, even reaching the toilet. He stifled his moans as he rode out his high, knowing that if he let any noise slip out, it’d be his luck that someone would walk in and catch him in the act.

Once he’d finally calmed down, he sucked in as deeply as he could, trying to get a grip back on reality. He tried to catch his breath without giving away any inclination that anything had just happened. He sighed down at his hands and feet, seeing how covered they were with his mess. Post-nut clarity was too real.

He grabbed at some toilet paper to clear his hands of the sticky substance. Just as he was wiping at them, getting ready to throw the paper into the toilet, he heard the sound of footsteps entering the room.

‘That was close,’ he thought, smiling to himself that he’d actually gotten away with it. No matter how twisted it was, he’d rather do it without anyone knowing than doing it with a crowd.

He quickly put the tissue into the bowl and flushed, turning to click the door open. ‘Perfect.’ Someone would see him. And see him acting normal. ‘Nothing happened,’ he breathed out, giddy now.

As he swung the door open, he saw the familiar face of Young K, who he’d just been with days ago to work on a song.

“Hey man,” Chan said, taking a step out of the stall. “What’s up? You all finished with that track?”

“I’m good bro, I’m good,” Young K responded casually. “Yeah, I’m about there. Hopefully be done with it by the weekend. Actually hey, what are you doing this weekend? We’re off and probably gonna have a little bit of a kickback if you wanna come?”

“I honestly don’t know yet. I’ll probably have to get some work done. But I’ll text you?”

“Yeah, for sure. Just let me know.” They both nodded their heads in solitude before Young K reached in to dab him up. On instinct, Chan leaned in to grab his hand and tap his back. It was then when he realized just how sticky his hands were.

He pulled back, slightly embarrassed. “Sorry dude, I spilled my drink all over myself at lunch.”

He watched in horror as Young K looked down at his hand and then down toward Chan’s feet and the floor behind him, both covered with white fluid. His cheeks went instantly red, and he knew it.

“Yeah,” Young K responded, a bit awkwardly as he made a concerned face. “No big deal,” he walked past Chan and to another stall.

‘God fucking damnit.’

——————————————————

✨ Continue to ➡️ Chapter 14

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Tags: @lailac13 @freyjhasdesiredreality @shellyyy177 @enzos-shit @laylasbunbunny @11thenightwemet11 @stayceebs97

[rustingcat]

Vigilante

Kara was late.

She hated being late, but the amount of paperwork she had to sign was much larger than she anticipated, and the lack of signal in the classified room in the DEO meant that she couldn't alert Lena on time.

Kara made it to the lab an hour later, more exhausted than she realised.

"Kara! Is everything okay?" Lena asked the moment Kara put her bag down.

"Yes, I'm so sorry for the delay. I had to sign a LOT of papers for the DEO." Lena seemed so engulfed in the work, their work. The last thing she wanted was for Lena to feel like she's forced to take on the load.

"The DEO? Did something happen?" The worry in her voice was clear. Kara put a reassuring smile on her face to take some of it away.

"Yes, yes. I just signed an employment contract, I'm officially no longer a vigilante!" Kara said with a small chuckle.

"Oh, why the change? I remember you weren't a fan of working for the government before, especially with everything that went down with Colonel Hailey." Lena walked closer to her, a concern not completely gone.

"Well, now that my identity is public knowledge, Alex was very adamant in reminding me how open I am for lawsuits. Both private ones and from the government, like they could potentially sue me for stuff they ask me to do! How crazy is that?"

"Did you sign it already? I could go over it to make sure they don't put any peculiar articles or subsections."

"It's ok, Alex is still in touch with Lucy Lane. They went over the contract together several times before presenting it to me. Lucy is really good with this stuff." She reassured her.

"So you're a government official?"

"Yeah, free from any Supergirl related lawsuits, and with some pretty sweet tax benefits. Plus all of the salary they wanted to give me is going to go to different kinds of selected charities of my choosing, so that's awesome."

"I'm glad it all worked out."

"Me too." Kara breathed in relief.

"I have some news, too." Lena said as an excited smile spread on her face.

"Do tell," Kara said, biting her lip as a smile matching Lena started spreading.

"Okay, while you were off signing what was no doubt a mountain of paperwork," Kara nodded, "I found and fixed the problem with the distributor." Lena proclaimed proudly.

"What was the problem?" Kara asked, matching her excitement.

"We switched the materials connecting it to the compressor, but not the ones connected to the bio-terminal!" She explained quickly, her hands moving around in excited blur to match.

"Oh Rao! So it means–"

"We can start testing!"

"Ahh- Lena that's amazing!" Kara crushed into her best friend, giving her the big tight hug she deserves. She absolutely loved hugging Lena, really she took any opportunity she got. Feeling her warp around her tightly as if not wanting to let go, her smell that somehow always smelled amazing and feeling her heartbeat so close to hers. Hugging Lena was amazing, and she really deserved the most amazing hug after that discovery.

"Wait, we don't have their DNA to test it with." Kara noted once they pulled away.

"It's just a test to see if it can even process something like that, It doesn't have to be theirs. We already have exactly what we need." Lena explained.

"What do you mean?" Kara was confused, they didn't collect any DNA ahead of time.

"Samples of two specimens of the same biological sex, not to mention a combination of human and non-human DNA." Lena smiled at her.

"Oh." The room suddenly felt hotter. "Yeah, no… yes I see. Yeah that- that would definitely work." They would be combining their DNA. She and Lena. Their biological data would be combined. Kara felt very normal about this.

"Will you be able to extract some of your blood? If not, we can try saliva." Lena asked and she started to look around for the tubes.

"I think I can," Kara answered, looking at her fingers in an attempt to decide which one would be easier to cut. It's not like she would have to worry about the long term effect of the wound as it would heal once she stepped out into the sun.

Lena was already grabbing a syringe by the time Kara decided to go with her thumb, hoping to make the surface of the wound big enough to extract more blood.

She checked with her tongue to see which of her teeth is the sharpest –her upper left fang, and attempted her first try. It was painful, yet unsuccessful. She braced herself for the unavailable pain and tried again. The metallic taste in her mouth paired with the pounding pain in her finger told her she was successful. She took out her thumb and tried to lift it in a way that no blood would spill out. She held it above the tube Lena handed to her, letting the small drops fill it as much as she could, squeezing a bit despite the pain, until she was satisfied with the amount.

A quick walk to the window, letting the reflected rays of the sunshine upon her finger, fixed the little cut she created. She only wished Lena had similar powers. The syringe made her cut relatively small, but a cut was still a cut in Kara’s book. Lena was pressing a small piece of cotton to her arm, holding it tightly as she worked.

Kara walked closer to her. She was healed at this point and just as familiar with the machine as Lena, it was her turn to put on some work. She took Lenas wounded arm and gave it a small kiss to make it better. Lena's cheeks were immediately coloured with a light share of pink.

"All better now." Kara smiled at her. "Do you mind if I take it from here? You can keep pressing on the arm."

Lena simply nodded.

Inserting their blood samples carefully, Kara directed the machine to start the process. It was odd, she thought to herself, seeing all of the biological specification options for the combined data of her and Lena's DNA. Afraid to make a mistake, she slowly pressed on each button, choosing to unspecify everything before starting the process.

Kara looked at Lena with an exciting smile, biting down both her upper and bottom lips in the anticipation.

"And now we wait." Lena smiled back.

They watched in silence as the machine processed their data, searching for any errors or possible problems. They went through the math and the coding multiple times, they were at the very least confident in their work. The test was not to see a baby going through a full term, that process would take a few months even in their very advanced machine. Not to mention that due to the possibility of success, they knew that their first test subject should be for people who would be willing parents. So the test itself was only to see if the machine can prepare their given data to what could later become an embryo and then a healthy fetus should they choose to continue.

The process bar got closer to the end. No errors yet.

Lena was still pressing on her wound as she followed the process bar closely with her eyes. Kara wasn't sure if it was worry, tension or excitement on her face. Probably a combination of the three. She couldn't say she was faring any better, chewing in her bottom lip with similar emotions.

The bar got closer to the end. 97%, 98%, 99%, 100%.

Kara instinctively inhaled quickly. Holding her breath until the bar disappeared completely, replaced by a 'process complete' message on the screen.

"Oh my god!" She heard Lena exhale in relief.

"It worked!" Kara turned to face her, mouth wide open in shock and excitement.

"It did!" Lena confirmed in amazement.

They were hugging again before Kara fully realised she was doing it. Jumping in excitement in Lena’s arms as the latter laughed in response. When she settled down she noticed how close their faces were to each other, she could feel the heat radiating off of Lena's face warm her own. Suddenly their excited hearts became louder to her ears as she watched Lena wet her own lips. Kara instinctively mimicked the movement. They stayed like that for a moment, before Lena suddenly pulled away. Kara felt a pang of disappointment she could not name.

"I should check on this one project before I leave for today. Could you finish everything here?" Lena hurried to find her back, refusing to meet Kara's eyes.

"Sure," she had no problem wrapping everything herself. "What do you want to do with the PF?" It was the name they decided on for a successful processed DNA combination, a shorthand for Potential Fetus.

"It's not important, you can dispose of it." Lena finished collecting her stuff and exited before Kara could respond.

"Right." She muttered to the empty room. The project she went to check on must've been important.

Kara turned her attention back to the machine. She was familiar with the options, she designed the UI herself after all, yet they gave her pause. The button to proceed to the next stage had somehow become the most fascinating thing in the world. Flash images of small hands, a wild patch of dark hair and big striking green eyes passed through her mind in quick succession. She only noticed she clicked the button once a warning message asking her if she was sure she'd like to proceed popped up on the screen. Small panic went through her body as she realised what she almost did, Rao she almost greenlighted the creation of a baby for her and Lena.

She quickly pressed no, and moved on to check the other options. She had no need to restart the process to respect the bio-data for the PF, nor make changes to the DNA. She stared at the button to terminate the PF and all data related to it, but couldn't bring herself to do it. The images flashed her mind again. She wasn't sure what it was but she couldn't bring herself to do it, she couldn't press the button.

A message from Lena asking if she wanted a ride home made her notice the time. She sent her a quick message saying she would be right there, and turned back to the machine. Kara made a quick decision to store the data for later use, just in case they wanted to reexamine it, of course. Plus it was their first success, it could also be a reminder of their progress.

Kara finished turning off whatever unnecessary parts to keep the power consumption at a minimum, went over everything twice and spared a moment to stare at the container, before she left.

The images followed her to her dream that night, along with a familiar dimpled smile by her side.

Read in order in AO3

[ekingston]

Apart from show canon, at which point did u think it was too late for lena's immediate forgiveness to kara's identity reveal

oh boy. anon, here is where i come clean about my shoddy recollection of canon’s chronology. i’ve done so many fragmented rewatches and skipping back and forth—there’s a reason i rarely dabble with canon-adjacent stuff! and that even when i do, i create worlds where Lena figures it out herself! 

second road bump to answering this question is that i have a LOT of feelings about how things played out on the show, and most of them are incongruent with the tone of sgcw. i understand their narrative reasons for keeping the secret from Lena for so long! but the execution is so, so terrible! ignoring large swathes of canon and replacing them with my own is the only way i’m able to enjoy at least the last tiny handful of seasons!

here is where i spend an hour procrastinating from my WIPs, while not successfully answering your question at all:

to be perfectly clear: i adore most parts of canon Kara. and i think i may be hard on her in ways i wouldn't be if i didn’t relate to her so much. i think her backstory is extremely compelling and i admire her ability to hold on to her kindness and hope and joy even after losing everything that was important to her, even when she’s tired and lonely and mad. 

BUT. a healthy Lena—one who we were made to believe was finally freeing herself from Lex and Lillian, rising above the coping mechanisms she’d developed as an unwanted and emotionally neglected child? i don’t think that Lena would (should?) have forgiven canon Kara at all.

after the rift, canon Kara flitted between telling Lena she’d lied to her ‘to protect you’ to ‘one person who sees me only as Kara’ to ‘your last name’ to ‘didn’t want to lose you’ until she literally told Lena she was on her own, and she’d treat her like any other villain until Lena repented, even rejecting her apology at first, as if Kara’s own decisions had played no part in Lena’s downward spiral at all.

the Kara Lena would have forgiven is the much more cohesive and coherent Kara brought to us by our talented fix-it writers: a Kara who is willing to let herself be vulnerable and to second-guess her motivations, one who is able to put together a proper apology and actually listen to Lena's own. 

but, okay, lets table all of that. this is me trying really, really hard to entertain canon:

Kara and Lena’s friendship became painfully lopsided by season 3. i think that was, if i recall correctly, when the super-friends decided to trust Lena enough to regularly ask her for assistance—but not enough to let her be part of their in-group; it’s where they left Lena in the dark about the fact that her best friend had come close to plunging to her death right in front of Lena's eyes, and was actively still fighting for her life; where they tricked Lena into having an extremely personal conversation with J’onn, while he was wearing Kara’s features, only to make belly-laughing fun of her about it later. 

and even then, honestly, it might already have been too late. what about the aftermath of Jack’s death? was that season 2? Jack was Lena’s ex-everything, someone who genuinely loved her, who saw her through the fallout of Lex’s arrest. he was one of her last remaining friends, and Lena pressed the button to let him die in order to save Supergirl’s life. how would Lena knowing that Kara went through that with her, knowing Lena had chosen to save the life of her favorite person in addition to National City’s hero, have changed the way she felt about that horrible situation? that’s where that extremely wonderful heart-to-heart on the L-Corp couch happened, right? Kara swore she’d always be Lena’s friend—while keeping silent about the fact that she was there when Jack drew his last breath, that she had witnessed their final moments.

so—i really can’t tell you anon, i’m so sorry. the 100th episode already fabricated reasons why Kara couldn’t possibly come clean to Lena back when she made the conscious decision to be her friend (and not in a ‘keep your enemies close’ kind of way!), and i’m beginning to think that was the only moment Kara could have told Lena that would have kept her conscience completely clear. Kara should have made it part of her decision—either she was going to be Lena’s friend and give her the same trust Lena was giving her, or she would keep things professional, and keep her identity a secret from her. 

Kara tried to do both, and if i really think about it, i don’t believe that was ever fair.

[spaceman-earthgirl]

Happy Holidays! This was based on the prompt "A leash and collar? Why?" She said, suspicious as she looks over the rim of her coffee mug." for @iamsuperconfused as part of the @supergirlfemslashsecretsanta gift exchange.

ao3 link

---

Maggie knows something is up. She knows her girlfriend, she knows her tells, and she knows Alex is hiding something from her.

She’s not worried, because Kara is involved, and maybe that should make her a little worried but she’s come to find that anything to do with Kara usually just ends up being food or Lena related.

But since Maggie loves a good mystery to solve, she decides to do a little investigating herself.

Turns out, she doesn’t actually need to, because Alex gives herself away pretty much immediately.

First, it’s the dog food Maggie finds in the cupboard as she’s looking for a new bag of sugar. Then it’s the list of names she finds written on a notepad in the kitchen, and then finally she overhears a conversation between Alex and, who Maggie assumes, is Kara.

As soon as Alex hangs up the phone, Maggie can’t help but ask about a few things she’d overheard.

"A leash and collar? Why?" She says, suspicious as she looks over the rim of her coffee mug.

Alex freezes and Maggie has to fight to keep a straight face. Does Alex really think she’s being subtle?

“I...uhhh...”

“Who were you on the phone with?” Maggie prompts.

“Kara...she wants a dog.”

Maggie narrows her eyes. That is a pretty plausible scenario, and Maggie would probably believe Alex, if not for the way she’s avoiding eye contact.

Alex looks down at her watch. “I have to go, I’m meeting Kara, but we’re still on for lunch?” Alex asks.

“Of course,” Maggie replies. At least Alex’s suggestion of a picnic in the park for lunch makes a bit more sense now.

Alex walks around the kitchen island. “I’ll see you later,” she says before giving Maggie a lingering kiss, dog and lunch and everything else forgotten for a moment as she chases the contact when Alex tries to pull away.

“Bye,” Alex laughs, pressing another quick to Maggie’s lips.

Maggie watches her go, missing Alex as soon as the door closes, already excited for lunch. With their busy schedules they don’t get to spend nearly as much time together as Maggie would like.

Maggie would put money on the fact that Alex is going to surprise her with a dog. Maggie’s not sure why it’s a secret but it’s cute her girlfriend is trying to surprise her. They’ve talked about getting a dog in the future, so it’s not completely out of left field that Alex would get them one. They’ve talked about everything together. She knows she’s going to marry Alex one day, this is just the first step.

---

When Maggie arrives at the park, her heart stutters in her chest when she sees Alex, standing beside a picnic blanket, a picnic basket and flowers set out on the blanket beside her.

“Hey,” Alex greets her, smile shy as she lets Maggie pull her into a hug.

“Hi,” Maggie smiles. “What’s all this for?”

“Can’t I treat my girlfriend to a nice lunch?” Alex asks, tangling her fingers with Maggie’s.

Alex gives Maggie’s hand a tug and Maggie follows the gentle command, taking a set beside Alex.

“I got all your favourites,” Alex says, opening the basket and for a moment, Maggie feels like she might cry.

“I see you said “got” and not “made”,” Maggie points out.

Alex rolls her eyes.

“I’m teasing,” Maggie smiles. She waits until Alex is looking at her again. “Thank you, for all of this.”

“Always.”

Maggie’s heart stutters in her chest again, she knows Alex means it.

It’s after lunch, before they’ve eaten the dessert Maggie spied in the basket earlier, that the mood shifts and Maggie knows what’s coming when Alex starts to talk, clearly nervous.

“I actually had another reason for inviting you here today,” Alex begins, reaching into her pocket. “I’ve tried to keep this a secret from you so I hope you’re surprised.” She pulls out a box and Maggie gasps, she doesn’t need to be able to see inside to know what’s in there. “Based on your reaction I’m assuming I managed to keep it a secret.”

Maggie prides herself on being a good detective but even she didn’t see this coming.

“Maggie,” Alex continues, reaching out to take one of Maggie’s hands, box held in the other. “I love you. I never thought I’d get to feel like this but then I met you and you changed everything. When you first kissed me, I knew then and there I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. You’re my favourite person, you’re my best friend, you make me so happy, and, if you’ll let me, I want to spend the rest of my life loving you the way you deserve to be loved.”

Maggie is nodding before Alex even gets the words out.

“Marry me?”

“Yes,” Maggie blurts. She doesn’t even need to think about it, she’s known since even before she kissed Alex that she was the person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

They’re both grinning as Alex shakily slips the ring onto Maggie’s finger and as soon as the ring is on, Maggie reaches out and tugs Alex into a searing kiss.

“I love you too,” Maggie says into the kiss, and it’s only when she pulls away that she realises she’s crying.

“Did I surprise you then?” Alex asks, wiping Maggie’s cheeks with her thumbs.

Maggie smiles. “You did.” And then something clicks. “Wait, what about the dog?”

Alex laughs. “I needed something for you to focus on while I planned this. I figured a little mystery would do the trick.”

“So, we’re not getting a dog?” Maggie asks, oddly disappointed now that the idea had felt tangible.

“I mean, it was just meant to be a distraction but we can definitely still get a dog. I’m sure Kara would love that, she spent the whole time being sad it was just pretend.”

“We do have a bag of dog food at home,” Maggie points out. “Did you really just buy dog food so you could propose to me?”

“That is not the story we’re telling people.”

Maggie laughs. “No, the story I’m telling people is that my fiancée is secretly romantic and planned this whole picnic, including an elaborate distraction, so I wouldn’t figure out what she was up to.”

Alex smiles, and Maggie knows it’s because she slipped the word ‘fiancée’ into the sentence. It makes Maggie feel the same. “Maybe I just really wanted a dog,” Alex teases, but even as she says it, she glances down at the ring on Maggie’s finger.

Maggie looks down too, admiring the small ring and how it looks perfect on her finger, like it was made for her. “Marry me and we can get as many dogs as you like.”

Alex laughs. “I’m totally okay with that.”

---

They get married six months later, their dog bringing the rings down the aisle. Maggie thinks she’s the luckiest person in the world.

[fallenrocket]

One of my favorite genres of character is Guy Who's Friends with the Straight Heroine in a Love Triangle or Long-Running Will-They-Won't-They. Someone who's there for her in moments when her love interest(s) struggles to, someone who always has her back and is rooting for her. Someone who treats her fully as the person she is because he has no romantic expectations of her--big fan of that guy.

Finnick with Katniss in The Hunger Games

Birkhoff with Nikita on Nikita

Brainy with Kara on Supergirl (the live-action TV show, anyway--I know they have a long romantic history in the comics and other media)

Sayid with Kate on Lost

Maybe it's the aroace in me talking, but I often prefer these relationships to the ones the heroine has with her love interest(s). To me, they're often less cliched, they give the heroine less grief, and they frequently show the heroine and her friend doing badass and/or fun stuff together. I love it so much!

I love to lap up a good female friendship too! But when straight men and women in stories so often relate to each other purely in terms of their potential for sexual/romantic chemistry, seeing a tight male/female friendship is such a balm to me.

[loveandleases]

The reactions to MC dating Ardent where *chef's kiss*. I was already going to romance the hell out of him, but knowing how much it will piss off MC's parents, Chris and Jade just adds to the hotness! Could you share the reactions to MC dating the Most Precious Boy Cam? Also maybe Cam's parents/Kara? (Your writing is so good- l've never been so excited for a demo before!!!!)

(Sorry if I sent this more then once- I’m sending this on my phone and it keeps saying no connection, so I wasn’t sure if it was sent!)

Dating Ardent will piss off so many people, probably even him. Hehehe. Is that his new pet name? Cute <3. Thanks' for the compliment anon, I'm glad you like it/looking forward to the demo. (it's okay anon, Tumblr has been messing with all of us) You ask and you shall receive, below the cut~ Link to Ardent version here.

💩 Chris - They have suspected something was up. Chris knew Cam had a thing for MC, honestly for a long time. They aren't surprised MC is with someone, but Cam really? He's not even the good one, not even the superior Clarke. What the hell could MC see in him? 💀 Jade - She isn't surprised by MC and Cam being together. More so surprised it took this long. Though really she thought you would go for someone other than Cam, someone who isn't related to Chris. Should she be as annoyed as she is about it? She was close to Cam too, and Cam never even made a move on her. (Pretty sure Jade has a theme song for her life in her own head.)

💢 The Clarkes - They are annoyed, why is Cam going for Chris' sloppy seconds, in fact, why is Cam putting Chris through this? Doesn't he understand this could be hard for Chris? Surely this is a line Cam shouldn't cross, and they won't hide those feelings.

💚 Kara - She is happy about it, the happiest one in the room. Cam is always different around MC, happy actually. She will be happy for Cam/MC, and congratulate them. Jokingly mention that she's the only one that MC hasn't kissed. To which Cam will happily mention it will stay that way.

Cam/MC reaction - Cam could care less about Chris and their reaction. He will be happy with Kara's reaction. Jade...the things Cam feels for Jade are not for polite company. Our precious one will struggle when his parents begin to mention his relationship with MC, tell them to fuck off. It will be at that moment that MC kisses him, for every single one of them to see. Because MC can calm him, with a touch, with a look, with a kiss.

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

I wanted to get your opinion on this, who do you think is smarter: Kara or Lena? A lot of people forget how in to science Kara was on Krypton, which was way more advanced in that area than even modern earth (when Kara first suits up). And I know Lena’s a genius, but could that really beat Kara kryptonian intellect. Because I have a headcanon that Kara is smarter than most, but just never shares it with people so she doesn’t offend them etc (after seeing how much it would tick Alex off back when they were kids). But I’m still not sure how her IQ would match against Lena’s in science if she really tried. Also, side note, could you imagine Lena’s reaction to Kara knowing all kinds of advanced scientific knowledge? Part of her loving it, but the other half being slightly upset that Kara always put the pressure on her (during the world ending threats) to solve all of the science related problems.

Finally have the bandwidth to start going through my inbox, and we're starting out with an absolute banger. This is excellent.

You're right, Kara has a ton of knowledge and a Kryptonian brain, but after years of dumbing herself down, are her neural pathways still the same as what got her into the science guild?

Personally, I think she might not be hardwired for it anymore like she might have been on Krypton, but she's still wicked smart. Like, she has the knowledge, can probably recite formulas and such, but actually applying them might be more of a challenge these days.

Whereas Lena still lives and breathes it, it's her passion. It's still ingrained in her, flourishing through practice and stimulation. Where Kara has self-imposed limits, Lena is continually looking to push past any limitations placed on her by others. She continually strives, and I think that might be why she's a better science resource than Kara.

Also, Lena probably understands Earth's resources better than Kara at the moment. Like, Kara can have all the knowledge in the universe and maybe even devise a solution in an instant, but even then, if that solution requires resources Earth doesn't have access to, what good is it?

So, overall I hesitate to declare one smarter than the other. I think their brains just work differently, and they have different skillsets and knowledge bases. I think the more they work together, the more they each will learn and share their own knowledge with each other.

As always, they'd make each other better.

[throughalleternity]

So I've got a prompt idea that I got from one (technically two) of your headcanons, so imagine this: Maggie and/or Alex got harrassed by some guy and Leon didnt step in (enough) and now after the incident he feels guilty, because he feels like he should have done more/should have protected his girlfriends better. So Maggie and Alex comfort him and assure him that he did the right thing and that he isnt less of a man, just because he felt like he didnt enough. It can also just be the aftermarth you can just alude to the incident, if you cant think of something.

Thank you for the prompt! I've had it on the back burner for a while, and as I thought more about it, it eventually developed into a related but different topic that I felt compelled to write. So I'm going to keep the original prompt on hand, but for now please take this short fic: it's a conversation with Leon and James instead.

CW: references to racism and transphobia/bigotry against gender nonconformity, but nothing detailed

It's a conversation with James. One not so much planned as it is happenstance, once there's finally enough distance and room for thought—but of the friends he could have talked to? Leon is glad it's him.

Words trickle out, yet it takes only a couple of minutes. For all that he's turned the event over in his mind, the recollection of it is shockingly simple. 

"That's horrible," James says after Leon trails off, soothing the fear that he's overblown the whole thing. When he continues, he doesn't ask why Leon hadn't stood up for himself before getting out of view with Alex and Maggie. He doesn't judge that Maggie was the one who made sure they weren't followed. Instead, he says, "I'm so sorry they did that to you."

It might sound trite coming from someone else, but it's James who knows the sound of handcuffs snapping over his wrists, who afterward grew up being careful of what he wears and how he acts, always conscious of how others might perceive him.

"It was like I just—I hated not being able to do something. One of them had a German shepard on a leash, and I know that doesn't necessarily mean anything, but I just… ." Leon shakes his head. His earrings swing with the movement, and he's again reminded of how he's probably going to take them off when he leaves James's, even if he won't be walking outside long. "Has it gotten any easier for you? The… that."

James hums, tilting his head as he thinks. 

Leon knows this is not new for him. James has struggled to balance his desire to respond with his knowing that he could not afford to mess up, to further gamble his safety without a very good reason to—especially not after his dad died.

Of course, much of this is also not new for Leon. But this is a new sort of visibility—vulnerability—for him, one with a different calculus for how to react.

"It's easier in some ways. Photography can also feel like a lot of standing by, but the way it shows people the truth—makes it worthwhile. Then again, I did become the Guardian." James looks down, eyebrows pinching together. "But you tell me, you're the one with the law degree. You know how slowly that moves."

"We choose that, though."

"This, not so much," James agrees.

"So what do you do?" Leon finally asks.

"Do about what?"

There are many whats—strategies, therapies, realities—but this weighs on him most: "How do you be yourself and not feel so…" 

"Alone? Scared? Hated?"

"Well if you put it like that, you better have something really uplifting to say," Leon grumbles, glancing away.

James gives a quiet exhale of amusement, then they both lapse into contemplation. "I think you already know," he says after a moment. "It's different at different times, but to me, it comes down to community."

Visible through the window, the sunset mimics another streak of blue and red. "El mayarah."

"El mayarah," James echoes. "Something Kara taught me, you know."

"She does have a way of doing that." It wasn't so long ago that Kara revealed her secret identity to Lucy, and helped pry off the locks on a box Lucy had thought she buried long ago.

"So, I'm just saying." James half shrugs, but he looks serious. "I know it must be hard to find a group of people who really get what you're dealing with who you also like and trust. But don't forget about the rest of us. We'll be there for you, if you let us."

Leon ducks his head, smiling. Talking to James still comes easy, and he's glad. "I hope you know that goes for you too then."

"Making me take my own advice, huh?" James grins as he leans back, eyebrows raised.

Leon grins too. "Always, Jimmy. Stronger together."

[autisticlenaluthor]

2 for Lena and 6 for Kara please :)

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

SO many things for lena!!! she is my everything

but my absolute favorite is that even though so many horrendous things have happened to her, she continues to have hope and she continues to keep pushing. there are so many moments where lena mentions little hopes she has. like with kara, “i hope this won’t be the last time we speak” and how she tells supergirl she hopes to work with her again, she tells the public she hopes she can earn their trust.

she’s been beaten down so many times, she has every reason to be the most cynical, down right miserable person there is. and even though she is cynical and untrusting, she actively tries to see the good in people.

she also has so much growth. she makes a conscious effort to move away from her families anti alienation xenophobic views. like she goes from making alien detection devices to making technology to keep aliens safe and help them mask their identities. out of every character on the show, i feel like she has the most positive and realistic development.

my other favorite canon thing is how fucking gay she is

for kara, my favorite canon thing is that she acts (or even is) kinda ditzy and clumsy and shows a lot of neurodivergent traits. and at the same time, she’s incredibly intelligent and capable, even if she doesn’t believe she is in the earlier seasons.

i feel like i see myself in her physical mannerisms - like how she moves around and misses social cues and the ways people underestimate her. i love that kara is able to be all of those things and that it doesn’t take away from how incredible she is.

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

autism

with kara, i relate to feeling like an alien. always being too much of one thing or not enough of another. i, like kara, also have the tendency to have my feelings for someone immediately disappear once they start reciprocating them LMAO

[radiantresplendence]

What Even Is a Kara no Kyoukai?

Kara no Kyoukai is a series of anime movies put out by Ufotable between 2007 and 2013 based off of the light novel series of the same name written by Type-Moon founder and creative director Kinoko Nasu in the 90s.

That's it, that's the post.

But seriously, if you're familiar with Nasu's other works, you'd know that they have a reputation for being rather inaccessible, especially to those in the west and Kara no Kyoukai specifically comes with some extra content warnings that aren't as prevalent in some of his other works.

Now, this would normally be fine, however a lot of content put to the forefront as "primers" to the show by the anime community either focus too much on the metaphysics and how it relates to other Type-Moon media or is a detailed thematic analysis that gives away too much of the sauce.

I plan to do neither here.

Instead, I'll give a brief rundown of the show's traits. Then, I'll talk about the main cast of characters and I'll finish it off by giving the general premise of each episode. (And I'll lump all of the Extra Chorus OVAs together for this purpose.)

So, Kara no Kyoukai sorta paved the way for the trappings you'd expect of modern Ufotable. Even over 15 years later, the show is absolutely gorgeous and puts a lot of modern anime to shame with its production quality. The attention to detail, shot composition and immaculate backgrounds that you'd expect of a Unfotable production are all here. Except this was really the first work to bring those traits to the forefront.

Just on the merits of that, as an anime watcher its worth the curiosity. The triumphs of productions like Demon Slayer and Fate/Zero clearly trace their DNA right back to Kara no Kyoukai.

The OST for this series is... basically unmatched. Kalafina was founded to do the music for this show, and the general consensus seems to be that Yuki Kajiura did some of, if not her very best, work on this show.

Admittedly I'm a not a big music analysis person, but I will personally attest that the ambiance and immersiveness of Kara no Kyoukai's score is some of the best in any piece of media that I have consumed. Also the big theme songs for each film all absolutely rock.

Doing a little background research, it looks like a lot of those theme songs are on the Kalafina album Seventh Heaven, so if you're a fan of high-quality J-pop/rock, give that a go maybe. I mean, they're really good in a vacuum, better in the context of the episode they were written for.

Its paced a lot slower than a lot of other anime movies, leaving a lot of room for ambiance and quiet character moments. Also quite a bit of the series is just characters talking, be it about philosophy or metaphysics, but it's usually not egregious and if you're into that sort of thing (which I am) it's a good time. Also the cuts can be quite creative, especially in Paradox Spiral.

So, now that a lot of that peripheral housekeeping is done:

What the Fuck even is a Kara no Kyoukai?

It's a paranormal mystery, dark urban fantasy thriller seinen anime that explores themes of humanity, identity, sin and dichotomy. Oh and murder. Especially murder.

The general plot setup is more something you'd expect of a shoujo. Boy meets girl, the complexities and trials of their relationship etc.

The big twist is that the girl in this trope is best described as "one who murders" and the story is told out of chronological order.

It's set in a fictitious city in Japan called Mifune, mostly between '96 and '99. Supernatural phenomenon exist, but aren't common knowledge and the main focus of the subject matter is individuals with some manner of ESP or active psychic ability, though there's significant representation from elements of mysticism as well as more archetypal wizard sorts.

I strongly recommend watching the films in release order because its better thematically, however there's a lot of value on a rewatch and doing so in chronological order could shed some light on things.

As I'm about to transition into talking into some of the show's particulars, here's where I'll put the content warnings for those who would prefer going in blind and would like to know what horrible imagery they're about to be exposed to or would maybe be dissuaded by.

CW, suicide, gore, horror, sexual assault, domestic violence, cannibalism.

Who are the main characters in Kara no Kyoukai?

Shiki Ryougi is our main character. A young woman with an attraction to death and murderous impulses. She presents as stoic, but she's anything but uncaring. She's very nuanced, but as the main character a good deal of the series goes into exploring her, so I won't delve into her complexities. After an accident as a teenager that left her in a coma, she gained the ability to see death in the forms of lines that act akin to the 'seams' of living beings, objects and even concepts. By cutting on these lines, she can kill anything.

Mikiya Kokuto is our male lead. An intelligent and excessively kind young man who became hopelessly infatuated with Shiki in high school, only to suspect that she was the one perpetrating a series of serial murders. When Shiki was comatose, he wound up working as a private investigator of sorts for the Garan no Dou agency, but continued to carry a torch for Shiki.

Touko Aozaki is our mentor character of sorts. More than likely the greatest doll and puppet maker in the world, Touko is also a mage and a lauded polymath, excelling in basically any field that proves of interest to her. She runs the Garan no Dou agency and employs Mikiya for his investigative prowess and later Shiki for her combat abilities as her sole employees. She's a chainsmoking girlboss who can be overly verbose and pretentious. Despite some unscrupulous morality, she legitimately cares about her subordinates.

Azaka Kokutou is Mikiya's younger sister who vehemently opposes her brother's relations with Shiki. Certainly the "4th wheel" of the cast made worse by the adaptation greatly condensing her chapter to laser in more on the Shiki and Mikiya dynamic. She apprenticed herself to Touko as a means of inserting herself into the workings of Garan no Dou. Azaka is smart, expressive, headstrong and funny. Touko is teaching her flame manipulation, as that's what she has the most affinity for.

I'll omit the antagonists here and encourage folks to watch the show as my little blurbs here give the jist of the cast, but really doesn't do them justice. The cast for the most part is really well characterized and much in Nasu's style, even when he plays to a trope there's a lot more to it than that.

What Exactly am I in for?

So, there's (depending on your definition) 8-9 films and a few ~10 minute OVAs. Unfortunately, the light novels have never been localized and there's only an incomplete fan translation and a somewhat inaccurate machine-assisted translation.

The film series adapts every part of the series except the side-story Final Record, albeit Azaka's chapter, Oblivion Recording, was greatly altered for the film adaptation.

The main series ran from '07 to '09 and includes episodes 1-7 and the Epilogue. Future Gospel and the OVAs came out in 2013 and they're a few side stories with the main act functioning as an epilogue of sorts to the epilogue.

So, the films post their position in the timeline at the end of each instalment, but I'll post them upfront here for the purposes of making it easier for one to keep track and using this piece as a guide.

I - Overlooking View (Sept '98) A series of suicides committed by schoolgirls jumping off of the roof of an abandoned apartment building catch the interest of the members of Garan no Dou. Some supernatural effect causes Mikiya to fall into a deep sleep and when Shiki investigates the building, she sees the ghostly figures of eight girls in the sky.

II - Murder Speculation Part 1 ('95-'96 schoolyear, ending in March) Mikiya becomes classmates with Shiki, who he immediately becomes infatuated with despite her less than accommodating personality. A series of murders happen in the city and Mikiya, suspecting her to be the perpetrator, tries to prove her innocence.

III - Remaining Sense of Pain (July '98) A young woman is viscously assaulted and the perpetrators are turning up dead, their bodies horribly mangled. Garan no Dou is presented with the case, but due to Touko's monetary problems, Mikiya resorts to freelancing in the short term. Shiki intends to put the murderer down, claiming them to be similar, albeit one of them is out of control.

IV - The Hollow Shrine (June '98) Shiki awakens from her coma after the accident, feeling hollow due to what she lost and now possessing the ability to see death. Mikiya is barred from visitation, as it's restricted to the family, so Touko sneaks into the hospital to check on her and takes immediate interest in Shiki's new perceptive abilities.

V - Paradox Spiral (November '98) A young man murders his mother in self-defense and winds up being helped by Shiki. Mikiya investigates some suspicious tenants of an apartment building that Touko designed and some old associates of Touko's are in town, one of them with a bone to pick.

VI - Oblivion Recording (January '99) Garan no Dou is asked to investigate a suspicious suicide at Azaka's boarding school and some lapses in memory around the incident in question. Shiki is dispatched, much to Azaka's displeasure and the two work to uncover a mage using fairies behind the two events.

VII - Murder Speculation Part 2 (February '99) Shiki, feeling perturbed, hasn't been frequenting her apartment. Meanwhile the serial murders from '96 start back up. Mikiya, trying to prove Shiki's innocence, begins investigating a drug ring related to the incidents and the events of the unsolved '96 murder cases finally come to light.

Epilogue - The Boundary of Emptiness (a few weeks after the events of Murder Speculation 2) Two people have a fateful meeting where they discuss some particulars of the events of the series, metaphysics and philosophy. It's literally a half-hour conversation. It's classified as an OVA, but it's almost as long as The Hollow Shrine.

Future Gospel (August '98 & Summer 2010) A serial bomber with the ability to see the future winds up targeting Shiki after proving unable to kill her meanwhile Mikiya has a chance encounter with a girl with a similar ability. Later, an elderly woman who tells fortunes attracts the negative attention of a crime syndicate.

Future Gospel - Extra Chorus (After the events of the summer of '98) A series of short vignettes, about 10 minutes apiece. Shiki takes care of a cat. A girl feels guilty over the death of her best friend. Mikiya and Shiki celebrate New Years.

The Future Gospel stuff, being a side story has a very different feel than the main series (I blame most of the events happening during the day and it being notably less gore-y than the earlier parts). But it's still a very fun watch. In a lot of ways it acts as a means of tying the series up in a bow with a nice "10 years later" segment and some flashbacks to the '95 school year. If you're going to skip something, skip it, but seeing as you've presumably made it that far already, you deserve a treat because it's just fun.

But yeah... this is my favorite anime series. I just finished a rewatch last night and felt urged to type this up. Hopefully it helps people or encourages folks to give the show a try if they've otherwise felt daunted.

[torialefay]

☀️ Everyday Idol 🌙 (Chapter 12)

✨ possible bangchan x reader (f), possible jungkook x reader (f)

✨ head on over to my masterlist if you haven’t checked out the previous chapters!

✨wc: ~5.5k

✨ friends to lovers? possible love triangle? obsession? angst and future smut??? a little fluff.

✨ summary: JYP Entertainment launches a new show and y/n somehow gets recruited. Even though she doesn’t particularly care about the outcome of the show, she does particularly care about one of the artists she met: Chris from Stray Kids. Does Chris feel the same or will a potential relationship with one of his friends overcome what y/n feels for him?

✨ warnings: cursing from time to time, smut!!!! 🔞

————————————————————————————

Previous Chapter Recap:

“What is it with her? I don’t know what kind of game she’s playing, but trust me, you’ll want to get out of it. Don’t come crying to me when you realize that.”

“What are you talking about?” Chan responded, crossing his brows.

“Listen, we can sit here and play ‘fake nice’ all we want, but we all know what I said about her earlier was true. From personal experience, trust me when I say I know what she’s up to with him. He may be your friend, but I promise you, I know way more about what he does than you do. You can paint Y/N as whatever character you want, but at the end of the day, she’s just his sloppy seconds. At least I have the courage to say it to her.”

Chan felt his head begin to spin. What did she mean by that? Sloppy seconds?

“Please, just go,” was all Chan could respond with.

After standing and observing him for a few more seconds, Jenna finally crosses her arms and huffed. “Whatever, but just know that you better not play favorites tomorrow. It would be pretty embarrassing on your end.” She gave one final eyebrow raise before turning on her heels to jet out the door.

Chan could do nothing but stand there, desperately trying to make sense of the information she’d given him.

—————————————————————————————

Note: Character relations you can refer back to if needed.

Y/n- Changbin’s mentee

Anna- best friend, Felix’s mentee

Kara- Seungmin’s mentee

Sunnie- Han’s mentee

Mindi- Hyunjin’s mentee

Nisha- Lee Know’s mentee

Alyssa- Jeongin’s mentee

Jenna- Chan’s mentee

—————————————————————————————

Friday, 10 PM

Y/N’s POV:

You smiled a big goofy smile while kicking your feet up in bed.

“Quit texting Jungkook and go to sleep,” you heard Anna yell playfully from the other bed.

“I’m just saying goodnight,” you replied, bringing your voice up and sticking your tongue out at her.

At that, you started to blush, but not necessarily from embarrassment. More from not being able to swallow down the fluttery feelings that were coming from your stomach. This was all too good to be true.

Well you did. Everyone did. They planned another group dinner for everyone to go to. Although you weren’t sure how well it would go after everyone is getting evaluated tomorrow. You were praying to the gods that everyone did well and there’d be no drama afterwards.

‘Who knows, I could get so torn up after tomorrow that I don’t even make it to eat.’

You let out a lovey-dovey sigh before resting your phone on the bed next to you. Feeling full suddenly- full on what, you weren’t sure- you grabbed onto your pillow and held it tightly to your chest. You squeezed and squeezed, never wanting to forget the way you did in this moment. With so much hope.

———————————————————————

Saturday, 5 PM

Y/N’s POV:

Your heart had been pounding so rigorously that you were sure you’d pass out. Thud after thud after thud in your chest. But all of that stopped once the curtains rose and the lights hit you. Both you and Anna had been dolled up by the makeup team to the point that you barely recognized yourself. You looked good and felt good. All you had to do now was make the performance good. You zoned out and let yourself fall into the song.

Before you knew it, you were belting every note, hitting every motion, and harmonizing perfectly with Anna. For those three and a half minutes, the two of you focused solely on bringing the emotions out of the other and letting yourself truly melt into the role. It wasn’t until you’d both hit the final, ending high note that you allowed yourself to fall out of it and see what was going on around you.

There were claps already erupting from around the stage. Your peers had all jumped up at the ending note and were cheering you both on as you followed it out, finishing strong. You watched in shock as you registered the judging panel in front of you, consisting of JYP, Chan, and two men you’d seen before with the show but hadn’t remembered their names. JYP himself was giving you a standing ovation. Chan’s eyes were fixated on you.

You and Anna looked at each other giddily, as if you’d already been given the best news you could ever receive. You both scooted closer to each other to grab hands and squeeze, bringing your hands up and then back down for a large bow. It was cheesy, but fitting, you thought. You both smiled big at each other as you waited for the cheers to calm.

“Good job,” Anna mouthed to you with the biggest, whitest smile you’d ever seen.

“You too,” you smiled back.

“Girls,” JYP started jovially, holding both of his arms out. “That was just wonderful. Really really wonderful. I mean…” he brought his hands back in so he could clap them together again. “You know, I normally sit up here and tell people what I need to see from them to be able to make them an idol. What they could do better on. But you girls…” he dropped his head down with a soft chuckle. He shook his head in disbelief. “You girls are already there,” he grinned, looking you both in the eyes. “I have nothing else,” he said, looking down at the panel of the other judges. “I loved it. It was beautiful. It was heartfelt. It was everything I could have hoped for it to be. I’ve got nothing,” he commented happily before taking his seat again. He motioned his arm out toward the three beside him.

Chan was next in line. For some reason, he looked like he was about to puke. Wasn’t it you who should be doing that?

He couldn’t take his eyes off of you, not for a second. He just continued to look. Continued to stare until it was almost uncomfortable.

Finally, he coughed something up. “I agree. You could tell there was a lot of emotion put into it. From both of you,” he looked back and forth between you and Anna before resting back on you. “It was a really good performance, and I’m really proud of how hard you both have worked.” He ended with a small grin, finally prying his eyes from your frame.

You didn’t have a moment to think before the next two judges began to speak. One noted how personable the song was, while the other said that he only wished you’d both been a little less fluid with your movements (whatever that meant). Overall, you were both elated and clung to each other excitedly as you exited the stage to watch the rest of the performances.

Kara had paired with Mindi, giving a traditional “cutesy” girl group vibe, which the judges said wasn’t very original but was very well executed. Nisha and Sunnie performed a super empowering song that had a lot of sexy elements to it, which really stood out and they were highly praised for it with only a few criticisms. You giggled as you watched Chan try to give constructive criticism in a way that wouldn’t sound mean. You could tell he hated having to give any feedback at all. Jenna and Alyssa also performed very well, as much as you hated to admit it. Their song was strong. Stronger than you’d expected. But then again, you couldn’t help but wonder how much of it was Chan’s doing. They did have some negative comments on shaky vocals, but overall it was a good evaluation. As much as you weren’t a fan of the two girls (Jenna mostly, Alyssa was really just guilty by association), you were glad that everyone did seemingly well, and you could have a nice day off tomorrow with no drama.

“Will all of you please come back on the stage?” JYP had announced once each group had been evaluated. Satisfied, you rose from your seat and headed up the stairs to stand back in the spotlight that lit the center of the platform.

“I must say…” JYP continued, looking down at a note pad. “I’m very impressed with this group. You’ve come a long way in such a short amount of time… Normally, this would be the point that I would have to really sit here and think about who has what it takes to carry on.” He cleared his throat. “But after watching your performances, I don’t think I will have to make that decision today. I would like to continue each of you in this program,” he smiled.

You watched as the girls, all lined up in a row exchanged looks and animated smiles left and right. You sent a congratulatory one with a nod as well. As your eyes fell back on the panel of judges, you watched as Chan’s eyes settled onto your face, his expression softening as he gave you a big grin. It was the first time in a long time that you caught a glimpse of the Channie you thought you knew.

“Now, the judges and I have already commented on what you need to work on. I want you to take the day off tomorrow to relax and reset, but please keep in mind what you need to work on. I hope to see improvement by your next evaluation.” He gave one final smile before bowing slightly. You all mirrored his actions, going into deep bows as your signal that the assessment was complete.

You hugged some of the girls necks as you exchanged “congratulations” and compliments on how well they performed. To your luck, Jenna had already left the stage and you wouldn’t be forced to exchange any performative words. All of the SKZ boys followed suit and joined the group of you that had congregated on the stage.

“There’s my mentee,” Changbin said excited, rushing up behind you. He shook your shoulders gently before giving you a hug. “You did so good!!!” Bin was an expressive guy, but this was the most excited you’d ever seen him.

You laughed out loud at his enthusiasm as you hugged him back, gripping him tightly. “Thanks Binnie, I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“I know that’s right,” he said jokingly as he pulled his arms away.

To your left, Felix had found Anna and was exchanging the same compliments. They both turned to you as Changbin addressed the whole group.

“I shouldn’t say it, but I don’t care. The guys were all so impressed with you two. Everyone said your song was the best one of the night… Don’t tell anyone else I said that though,” Bin said, looking around to see if anyone had overheard him, still giggly. “I feel like a proud parent,” he added, all giddy.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell,” Anna said, reaching in to give Changbin a hug too.

“The part he’s leaving out is where he definitely tried to take all the credit,” Felix laughed.

“Hey! That is not what happened!” Changbin laugh-yelled back.

“Oh really Binnie? Are you sure? That doesn’t sound like you at alllll,” you joked sarcastically, smiling at him to let him know you were just playing.

“No, no, what I said was… Well I did agree that it was because of me, I guess he’s right, but I was KIDDING,” Changbin defended himself.

“Don’t worry, I let them know you guys really just have massive talent and that it didn’t have anything to do with me or this meathead,” Felix lightly slapped Changbin on the head.

As the two continued to bicker, you felt two fingers tap the back of your shoulder. You almost couldn’t believe it when you spun around to see Chan standing in front of you, still with a big beaming grin on his face.

“You did really good out there. I know I already said it on stage, but I wanted to tell you personally,” he offered up. He sounded almost… hopeful?

“Thank you,” you smiled at him, still unsure what to make of his change in demeanor.

“Yeah, of course,” Chan cleared his throat. “Umm, I was wondering if you were going to the dinner after this? With everyone?”

What is he up to?

“Yeah, I’ll be there,” you answered cheerily, acting like nothing about this exchange was strange at all.

“Okay cool, I was gonna go too. I guess I’ll see you there then, yeah?”

“Sure, I’ll see ya there,” you replied with a smile.

‘Well if that wasn’t one of the weirdest and most forced conversations I’ve had…’ you thought as Chan walked off. ‘Maybe he realized he doesn’t have to be so hard on me, so he’d easing off a bit?’ It didn’t make sense, but you decided that nothing in your life really did over these past couple of weeks.

You used the opportunity of silence to grab your phone from your pocket and text Jungkook the name of the restaurant and around what time you thought you’d be ready for him to pick you up. You couldn’t wait for him to talk about what was going on with Chan. See if maybe this is what he’d been talking about.

———————————————————————

Saturday, 8:16 PM

Y/N’s POV:

You doubled over laughing as Kara opened her mouth wide, panting, before grabbing her glass of water to chug. Seungmin had bet her 20,000 won that she wouldn’t be able to down the entire gob of wasabi that was on her plate. Apparently, he was wrong, and now Kara was 20,000 won richer. She definitely had tears forming in her eyes, but at least she got something out of it.

A waiter came over, brining a large bottle of soju and several shot glasses.

“Ahhhh, thank you,” Changbin said, accepting the items graciously before turning toward the group. “Alright, let’s get this party started, ah?” he said, wiggling his eyebrows up.

“Changbin rich,” you heard Lee Know call from the other side of the group. You didn’t know much about soju, but from examining the bottle, it seemed to be one of the higher-end brands.

“Only the best for my team of winners!” he exclaimed jokingly.

The group had a laugh and a few more jabs before beginning to talk amongst themselves as Changbin began pouring the liquid into each glass. You turned your phone over on the table to check the time.

’Damn, it’s almost 8:30.’ The time you’d told Jungkook to pick you up. You didn’t quite feel like drinking anyway, so you weren’t too bothered. You were sure you wouldn’t mind once you got to be with Jungkook.

“Hey Bin, I’ve gotta leave soon, so I’m not gonna drink, okay?” you stated, still wanting confirmation.

Changbin paused from sending another shot glass down the row of people. “Come on, not even one shot? Just one? Then we can let you go,” Changbin pleaded with puppy dog eyes.

You shook your head smiling. “Okay fineeee, I guess one won’t kill me,” you gave in.

“Woo woo,” Felix said, fist bumping the air. He’d already downed a bottle of soju during dinner and you could tell he was feeling the effects. A few of the others, including Chan, had gotten drinks as well… and boy, did it show. Talk about lightweights.

Once Changbin finished passing the glasses, he turned to Chan. “Would our leader like to lead us in a toast?”

Chan, obviously feeling a bit looser than before, put on a big smile as he held up his glass. “To the best mentors and mentees in all of Korea,” he said sloppily, giggling lightly at himself.

Everyone raised their glasses in unison, clinking them together before throwing their heads back and to the side to knock down the shot.

As soon as you felt the burn in your throat, you intently disciplined yourself to not gag for fear it would actually come back up. Instead, you coughed a bit.

“Jesus, how strong is this?!” you questioned, looking at Changbin. You watched as he spun the bottle around to read the label.

“35%,” he said with big eyes.

You knew it. That shit was double the alcohol content of what you’d normally get in soju.

“So you basically made me do two shots instead of one,” you said with a smirk.

“To be honest, I didn’t know. I just knew it was fancy, so I ordered it,” he admitted… to no one’s surprise.

“Give me another,” Chan said, reaching his glass over to rest in front of Changbin.

“Woah, woah slow down,” Changbin said. “I was thinking about starting a drinking game.”

“Okay, well give me another, and then we’ll start the game,” Chan said again, definitely feeling lighter.

“Oooo Channie-hyung is going all in tonight!” Felix laughed. “Give me one too!” he said before reaching his glass in next to Chan’s.

“Okay, okay,” Changbin said as he began filling the glasses. “But I’m not taking care of either of you if you get sick tonight!”

“Hell, I’ll take care of him if it means I get to experience the fucked up version of Chan,” Seungmin teased.

You checked your phone one final time before seeing the numbers 8:27 flash across your screen. “Alright guys, I’d better go,” you said, ready to stand. Everyone returned back their small waves and goodbyes.

“Be careful! What are you rushing off to anyway?” Felix asked as he knocked his drink back.

“Oh I’m just going to see a friend,” you said, playing off the embarrassment you felt by standing up.

“Ooooo,” Kara said teasingly. “Anyone special?” she winked.

“No,” you rolled your eyes as you smiled, trying to sound light-hearted. “Now,” you said, taking a step back and to the side. “You all be good and please don’t get too crazy. Someone watch over these two,” you laughed, pointing at Chan and Felix.

After waving goodbye, you stooped down to whisper to Anna. “Remember I’m just gonna be with Jungkook. Please text me later when you get home. I just wanna know you made it safe.”

“You know I’ll be fine,” he smiled, leaning in to give you a hug.

As you turned to leave, you heard Chan’s voice behind you. “Wait! Y/n, are you walking alone?”

You turned back shyly, wishing he hadn’t asked. “Oh, uh no-“ you stumbled a bit. “No, I’m just gonna wait outside for my ride.”

“Well here,” Chan said, springing up from his seat and rushing over to where you stood. “I’ll wait with you. Don’t want you to have to be alone,” he slurred. His cheeks were flushed pink from the alcohol. You knew that that’s what all of this had to be about. He was already drunk.

“Chan really, it’s okay,” you said, holding your hands up to let him know he could back away.

“No, no I insist,” he said dramatically, linking his arm in yours before beginning to pull you towards the door. You found his newfound antics funny and laughed happily as you waved a final goodbye to your friends. You followed willingly as Chan led you through the door and outside to the cold air, where you had hoped Jungkook would already be waiting on you.

As you stood for a moment looking around, his car was nowhere to be found and no text yet. So there you stood in the silence with Chan. Great.

“So where are you going?” Chan asked, still clinging to your arm, his voice sounding free and without a care in the world.

“Oh nowhere really.” You wondered for a moment if you could use this time to be level-headed with him. “Why the sudden interest?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve always had interest,” he looked off, sounding more serious now. “Really, where are you going?” he stared into your eyes.

“Well, if you must know, I’m actually going to hang out with Jungkook… Sorry if this is weird,” you backed away from him for a moment. “I know he’s your friend. I don’t know if he’s said anything but…” you looked down before looking back up, putting a hopeful smile on your face.

When Chan didn’t respond, only looking off, you took that as your cue to keep talking. Was he really shocked? You tried to mull it over. “Thank you for introducing us by the way. He’s a really cool guy. I can see why you guys are friends,” you offered up a sheepish smile.

You watched as Chan stumbled a bit, trying to take a step toward you to link arms with you once again. “That’s what I was afraid of. Listen Y/N,” he leaned in closer. “Just be careful with him. He’s uhh… He’s a good friend, you know? But he can be a bit persuasive sometimes.” He whispered at the last part.

“What are you talking about?”

“I just don’t want you getting into anything you can’t get out of… Or feel like there’s anything you have to do for him. That’s all,” Chan looked at you deep in your eyes. You recognized the look he was giving you. It was pity… and maybe a bit of condescendence?

“Do you think I’m-?” You stopped for a moment, backing up from Chan once more. You let out a laugh in disbelief. “You think I’m fucking Jungkook?” You shook your head, irritated smile on your face, as you watched Chan’s face go blank. Like he didn’t expect you to come out and say the actual words.

“Seems like you’ve been talking to Jenna quite a bit, huh? It’s her word and now that’s what everybody thinks of me. Unbelievable,” you turned around, letting out a laugh in frustration.

“No, no, I mean…” Chan started, stumbling a bit towards you. “I mean you don’t need to go with him. You need to come with me instead. You don’t know him.” Chan was slurring to the point that you couldn’t take him seriously, but goddamn if it didn’t set you off. You felt your face flash red and your heart shatter all in the same second.

“Come home with you instead? Really? That’s what this is about?” You didn’t even know what else to say. Your feelings were crushed. Now that Jenna had branded you as the “local whore”, that’s what Chan wanted. That’s why he’d come outside with you. You could barely stand to breathe the same air as him.

“You’re drunk Chris,” you yelled, your eyes tearing up. You couldn’t find another way to explain it. “You’re drunk! You need to go back inside!”

You turned to look as a set of bright lights began to shine behind you. As it inched closer, you could make out the Mercedes logo of Jungkook’s car. You almost breathed a sigh of relief before Chan interrupted.

“No really! I’m fine! But,” he looked at the car that was now put in park behind you. “But, just listen to me. It’s not what you think it is, please just don’t go with him! I need to talk to you… alone!” he pled, his voice going in and out as he swayed back and forth. You felt a tear streaming down your cheek.

All of this for what?

“Go back inside,” you threatened, not caring now if the tears spilled out as you came closer to him. “Jungkook warned me you could be like this,” you threw at him through gritted teeth, quieter now. “And he never once made me feel like a slut.”

You hurriedly turned on your heels and rushed around the side of Jungkook’s car to throw yourself into the passenger’s seat. You didn’t want to give Chan the chance to get another single word in. Tears streamed down your face as you entered, greeting Jungkook with only the look of grief.

“Oh my god, Y/N, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” Jungkook asked, pulling his face closer to yours to examine it.

“I’ll be fine,” you choked out. “Please just get me out of here.”

He took one more hard look at you before nodding and putting his car into gear.

———————————————————————

Saturday, 9:10 PM

Y/N’s POV:

The tears had finally stopped as Jungkook did everything he could to calm you down. He was so patient, listening intently as you ranted to him. You made sure to start from the top, including Jenna and what she’d said to you yesterday. The rumors that were going around about you. How Chan had been acting like a douche, but tonight, he suddenly wanted you to stay with him.

Jungkook nodded and held onto your hand through every sentence. He listened with so much conviction, like every word you said was the most fascinating thing he’d ever heard. It was the most endearing thing you’d ever seen. And the most “seen” you’d felt since… well, since before Chan was like this.

He pulled you into his chest for a hug as you tried to stifle the last of your sniffles. You hands clung onto his back before running down it and falling flat onto the padded cushions of his couch. His original plan had been to take you for ice cream, but that was out of the question with the state you were in. You’d asked if you could come to his apartment so you’d actually have somewhere to go instead of crying in a car.

“I’m sorry that you’re having to go through all of this because of me,” Jungkook confided, sadness welling up in his eyes. “I feel so guilty.”

“No, no,” you reassured him. “None of this is because of you.” Another big sniffle in. “It’s because of… I don’t know, people who are too bored with their own lives?”

“Yeah maybe,” he smiled. “It’s not easy to be with me, and I know that. So thank you,” he smiled shyly.

“To be with you? As in…” you trailed off, your stomach beginning to somersault inside of you.

“As in- oh,” he blushed, looking down for a moment. “Sorry, I guess I can get carried away sometimes… I don’t want to make you feel like you have to rush into anything with me. I just meant…” he tried to backtrack, “it’s not easy to be seen with me I guess.”

As if the adoration you had for this man could get any bigger… You felt your heart swell up.

“You know,” you said quietly, grabbing again for his hand to intertwine your fingers with his. “I don’t think I’d mind ‘being with you’ though…” you smirked, looking up at him.

He let out a small laugh. “Oh really?” he teased, squeezing your hand. He leaned himself slightly into you, close enough that you could feel his breath on your neck as he smiled. “Well if that’s the case, that means I’d get to kiss you all I want, doesn’t it?” he whispered before placing a soft kiss on your cheek.

You felt your heart speed up. “I guess it would,” you breathed, trying unsuccessfully to hold in a smile. Your eyes flickered between his eyes and his mouth.

He mirrored you right back as he leaned in to press his lips to yours, as gently as if you’d imagined it. When you started to melt into him, he threw his mouth into you further, moving it with much more force as his hands held your face steady. You gasped as you felt his tongue run across your bottom lip, begging for entrance. You met him with your own tongue, intertwining it with his and letting it run across every inch of his mouth. You let your hands run through his hair, grappling for any part of him you could get. You could feel yourself getting worked up at the core as you groaned into him, the kiss getting deeper and deeper.

You savored the feeling of him beginning to pull on your hair with the most delicious amount of pressure. You moaned, suddenly not able to handle it anymore. In one quick swoop, you hoisted yourself up, throwing one leg over JK so that you were straddling him. He smiled into the kiss at your new position, letting his hands run up and down your waist. You made quick work of throwing one arm around his neck, the other resting on his chest as you used your new leverage to lead the kiss.

You took your time with him, feeling out every curve of his mouth with your tongue, mapping every inch so you’d never forget it. You could feel nothing anymore except for being lost in the space he encompassed. You only wanted him, all of him.

Without thinking, you instinctively began grinding your hips into him, lightly at first. Relishing in the small smile that had come over his lips, your mouth fought its way to stay attached to him.

Jungkook let his hands roam from your waist to trail lightly up and down your back. He followed every arch and every bow with so much precision that you could still feel him seconds later. As you began to grind your hips more forcefully, his hands slipped down further and further, tracing along the dimples at the bottom of your spine before settling on your ass. He held you there, pulled taught to his own body, as if it was the only correct thing in the world.

All thoughts were out the window as the wetness built up at your core, freely letting yourself grind down onto Jungkook’s growing bulge. You moaned as he moved his lips down to bite lightly at your neck, peppering down until he reached the base. The swirl of his tongue on your exposed skin was almost enough to send you over the edge. You ran a hand through his hair, using it to tilt his head even further into you, confirmation that you’d take as much as he would give you. He responded with a harder suck, letting his hands grab tightly to your ass to massage it as he pleased.

With each grind you felt yourself getting more worked up, and before you knew it, you were throbbing. Both you and Jungkook began panting heavily as you went harder and harder, leaving no room between you to breathe. You felt Jungkook’s hips buck up the slightest bit to get more friction, earning a breathy moan from you in response. He continued over and over again until you couldn’t take it anymore. You let your hand run down his body, from his neck, all the way down to just over his pants, where you rested your hand until…

Wait.

Wait.

You stilled yourself as you pulled your lips back from Jungkook’s face and moved your hands to his arms. “I can’t,” you breathed.

“You can’t what?” Jungkook asked, looking up at you with eyes that were still lost in a daze, his hair tousled in every direction.

“I can’t do this. We can’t do this,” you let out a huffy sigh, full of desperation.

“I can’t… kiss you?” Jungkook asked again, his eyebrows crossing in confusion.

“No, I mean we can’t… take this farther,” you whispered, pulling yourself from him. “I’m sorry, but I just can’t,” you let yourself fall to the side of his lap so that you were no longer straddling him.

It wasn’t that anything about this moment was less than perfect. Because it- no, he- was everything you could have asked for. But you didn’t want to sleep with him before you were even together… officially.

You knew how your heart worked. If you slept with him, you’d get too attached. There would be no going back for you. And if/when things didn’t work out, you’d only be hurt more. You couldn’t do that to yourself.

You also couldn’t deny that the rumors about you had gotten to your head. It was nobody’s business, and you knew that, but still. You couldn’t help but to want to distance yourself from it.

“You don’t need to be sorry,” Jungkook said empathetically, turning his entire body to face yours. “I would never want you to do something that you aren’t ready for. I mean, I was more than happy with just kissing you,” he smiled.

His response put a soft smile on your face in reciprocation. “Yeah, I was pretty happy with that too,” you blushed, looking down.

He grabbed one of your hands back in his own, like he’d done so many times. Another light squeeze as he stared into your eyes.

“Do you think that you’d be ready for more between us though? Not sex. Just us… as in together?” He swallowed hard as you paused for a moment, shocked that you were really having this conversation. “I know it’s a big thing to think about,” he added.

When you’d told Jungkook that you wouldn’t mind being with him, you’d meant for it to be more flirty than serious. But this… this was serious.

You grinned as you came back from being locked into that moment of time, back to reality. But now, reality was like your fantasies, and your fantasies were your reality. Your head felt like it was floating.

“I think I could get used to it,” you beamed, still in a quiet tone.

You watched as all of the worries visibly melted off of Jungkook’s face. His eyes now shining bright with hope, stupid grin plastered on his face.

“In that case,” he started, letting his body reflexively move closer to you, “I’d really like to make this official. Y/N, will you be my girlfriend?”

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[theashrider]

My toxic trait is… taking the lesbian characters I used to ship back when I was gay, and turning them into straight (or at the very least, non-lesbian) ships now that I’m straight.

Without context, it sounds insane and probably homophobic. But I find it really hard to abandon my comfort ships just because I can’t relate to them as well as I used to before.

I started shipping Supercorp before I realized I was trans. In my head I always imagined Kara being non-binary or transgender due to a mismatch in kryptonian-to-human gender concepts. I needed to find comfort in the idea of a character that’s seen as a woman but is actually just incorrectly categorized as female due to her exterior appearance. I made up a gender spectrum for Kryptonians to justify this idea, and I used to daydream about what it would be like to be an alien that isn’t confined to human gender identities. I imagined that getting called Supergirl would cause discomfort and awkwardness because these humans saw long hair and heard a soft voice and decided that this alien, this being from however many light years away, was surely a girl in the way that human girls are. Hell, I even imagined Kryptonians having the ability to regulate their hormone levels and having a wide vocal range that allows them to switch between feminine and masculine tones without needing to practice. I fantasized about having that type of super-human ability to control my body characteristics to finally look and sound the way I did in my mind.

I started watching Xena because I knew it was a popular wlw show, but eventually started imagining Gabrielle as trans in an Ancient Greek time period where trans guys probably couldn’t do anything about it. Then season 5 happened and suddenly Xena was calling Gabrielle the father of her baby and Gabrielle was stepping up to protect their child, and I latched onto the idea of this closeted trans guy who’s living as a woman but still manages to find a way to be a parent and a partner in a non-traditional way. That helped me cope with my inability to medically transition, seeing this short, talkative, feisty character as a closeted trans guy that everyone else (including their partner) saw as a woman. I took comfort that Gabrielle could find a way to be a good partner even without being able to present herself the way she wants to. I’m around the same height as her. I will never be able to change that, and neither can that character. But she is still a father and a bard and a soulmate and all of that transcends the physical reality of her body.

Doctor Who has been my favorite show since I was a kid. It has been present in my life through every phase and new discovery about my identity. I shipped River Song with the Doctor from the moment I realized she wasn’t just a two-episode guest character. Then the Doctor became a woman and we never got to see her interact with her wife. But I wondered what it would be like to have them meet, have them figure out their relationship now that they’re both women. And I started thinking that maybe the Doctor wouldn’t be completely comfortable in a female body, since she’s been living as a man for so much longer. So I decided that, in my head, whenever River and the 13th Doctor met, the Doctor would have a hard time communicating that discomfort with her wife. I imagined that she would crave regenerating back into a man, or maybe regenerating as a cisgender woman who doesn’t feel like she’s a man who looks like a woman. I’ve had times where I wished I was a woman even though I have a female body and brain, just because I can’t imagine women feel the same way trans men do in their minds. So this character that can change the way they look and sound like, really just gave me something to hold onto while I struggled internally over my appearance and my voice.

I wonder whether other trans people have done this with characters they love and take comfort in. I also wonder whether voicing these feelings and ideas in primarily wlw (or mlm) spaces would hurt or offend the members of that community, considering how common straight characters and ships are and always have been. It feels a bit isolating to be in these communities and fandoms but not have anyone to relate to because you’re not really shipping the same people everyone else is shipping. You’re shipping a version of them that you made up, and probably doesn’t match with canon at all. I can’t find many fan works that cater to my headcannons (and I don’t have the artistic ability or time to make them myself) but I also don’t feel like I can ask for them from fandom creators.

I’ve never seen anyone else talk about something like this. I’m interested in finding others who also do this or have done it in the past to take comfort with their own gender identity. And I think I just needed to finally write all of this out.