#i really hate this man with a passion
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Last post for now I have attacks to finish up and start, winged heart au, Slade bullying because if that man has no haters I died.
Wally, kidnapped: once again, I am regretting leaving Central at this point. At least Dr. Zoom just wanted to rip my heart out.
Slade: shut up, god he really like the talkative ones.
Wally: excuse you, some people just have better taste. And that's talkative doctor to you, Didn't waste my time getting my doctrine for Dr. Not to be used, god damnit.
Slade: ain't you scared? You are kidnapped, by me,,, I can kill you, you know. I'm going to use you to get Nightwing to join me, have something!
Wally: you think you're the only person who kidnapped me before? To harm that feral bird of a man? Been there, done that, got the scars and T-shirts.
Slade: well, I'm much —
Wally: more cruel, and will make you regret this calm attitude, blah, blah, blah. I've seen more scarier toddler in the pediatric office during vaccine time than this.
Slade: I'm much more threatening than a toddler!
Wally: says the deadbeat dad who never seen his toddlers, really something there.
Slade: I don't need this!
Wally: a moment of silence for the one intelligent thing he said today, because there's not gonna be a repeat.
Slade: ugh one more word and I'll forget the plan and gut you now.
Wally, stubborn, glare: make my day, sunshine.
A few hours, Nightwing came in and saw Slade weeping in the corner and Wally untying himself.
Dick: are you hurt!?
Wally: rope burns but that's it, he'll probably need therapy for the tongue lashing I gave him.
Slade, sobbing: just take him! Get him away from me! I'm not stupid, you are!
Wally: if your wits were as sharp as you said you'd be welding a butter knife.
Slade, crying: stop it!!
Wally, poke Dick in the chest: you owe me a dinner, I'm starving, do what you need to do though first I'll be waiting outside. *Left*
Dick, jaw drop: I'm going to marry him so hard!
Slade: no! Don't! He's a monster!
Dick: shut up, you grown ass man.
#dick grayson#wally west#slade wilson#birdflash#winged heart au#i really hate this man with a passion#i will bully him forever#if i die my last words will be : slade a bitch ass pussy of a character *dies in serving cunt*#if i have children they will be tasked to bully this man#i love him but i hate him if it makes sense#Anywhoozie back to drawing! after i eat lol woopsie#i wask talking to Nebby about another idea okay#she's asleep tho
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In defense of late-canon x files (including the revivals)
I was thinking about this poll after I commented on it, and I kinda want to be brave and say more.
Short answer to the poll's question before I go any further: If you're a new fan and a sensitive sort who thinks you'll struggle with your blorbos Really Going Through It and you really need a happy ending, I suggest you stop at the end of season 8. Do not pass go, do not look at spoilers. Disregard this post entirely, close the internet, and go look at something that makes you happy. (Also fuck every part of society that characterizes sensitivity as inherently weak and bad and some kind of personal failing, you are valid.)
That said, "quality" as a concept is entirely subjective, and the question of whether or not there's a decline in quality for any story is wholly subjective, too. In the case of x files? I'm not convinced there is a decline. I am going to be upfront that I haven't yet watched past season 8, though I am almost completely spoiled on events after that - and the reason I haven't watched yet is not because of how I know events are going to unfold, but simply because I don't want it to end!!! Ohh, the tension between "I CAN'T WAIT!!!" and "Nooo don't be over D:"
When I first came to txf fandom on tumblr and gradually became spoiled about what happens in late canon though, I was often left uncomfortable and tbh kinda queasy about it. As I said in my comment on the poll, the hate for especially the revival and IWTB, or to a lesser extent even seasons 8 & 9, is very well documented. But! There are other takes to be found here on tumblr if you figure out where to look, and my feelings have changed!
The thing is, I have yet to find myself in any fandom where there isn't a vocal subset of fans who dislike the story after a certain point. I am not joking when I say that no one hates the things they love as passionately as sci-fi and fantasy fans. In my experience, it often hinges on the extent to which a viewer has strong notions on where they would like the characters to end up. In particular with series where shipping is a dominant component for the bulk of a fandom, I have almost universally found that there comes some turning point in the story where "let them be happy you cowards" is the dominant view, and things that compromise the attainment of a degree of romantic stability and/or domesticity are, to many fans, annoying at best and despicable at worst. But! As one tagset on the linked poll said:
and I think for any fandom, that last tag especially is so so so important. (I think that's harder for people watching a weekly series live, bc you have so much time to analyze and speculate and dream before the next breadcrumb drops, but I digress.)
So why am I saying this and how do I apply it to x files? Well, I eventually found that there are also a subset of fans who find redeeming things right up to the very end and actually quite like the whole thing! The things that I had seen people rage and ventpost so much about honestly never quite sounded to me as "out of character" or "untrue to the story" etc as those same ventposts made them sound. And I've discovered I'm not the only one who felt that way. Do I love that the spooky squad had to go through all of those things? No, those poor guys D: Life is hard and they have been through so much trauma. But do those events and their choices make sense to me in light of everything that came before? Yes! And I honestly can't wait to see them fight to overcome those things, breaking, healing, always learning, always growing, always getting better.
So if you're wondering "where does it go wrong"... well, I'm a completionist, as many people who've answered that post are, but also my personal opinion is that I don't think it does go wrong. If you're new and interested in exploring why I've gone from "vaguely queasy" to "excited" about the whole thing, or want to maybe balance out the impressions you're getting about the later seasons before deciding whether or not you want to see the whole thing, I'll put a few blog names in the comments.
Final admission: even once I started feeling a little more confident in the possibility that "actually ok maybe I'm not crazy, maybe this all kind of is in character and does make sense", there was one big plot point that I was NOT looking forward to and I thought I would never be comfortable about. In hindsight, I think my discomfort came from the negative responses being SO seemingly universal that I hadn't stopped to let myself truly consider other possible interpretations on that point. (I mean my initial instinct when I first read about it was, why are we mad about this?? CSM is literally the most unreliable narrator in history???? it's obviously fake news?????? this must be either a fever dream someone's having or it's a misdirection ploy against whatever shadowy forces might still be lurking?????????????? but for whatever reason I guess I had halfway written that off.) Happily, just last month there's a new post-s11 novel out, and although reviews for the book as a whole are mixed, it seems to have laid the groundwork for resolving that plot issue in a way I think most fans would be broadly happy with. If you're interested in being spoiled about that and seeing how, I recommend searching #perihelion on @agent-troi who liveblogged reading it with receipts, scroll back chronological-style to the first post on the subject and see how it unfolded. (And never forget that Dana Katherine Scully is the queen of denial as a coping mechanism lol)
Everyone's mileage will vary. Each person can feel however they want! But for anyone new, I wanted you to know that the very many ventposts you might be seeing are not all there is to this show or its fandom. Some of us love it despite - or even because of - all the things that went "wrong". I think we just don't talk about it as much.
#i don't talk about it much because tbh it can get *fraught*. and i've had that in other fandoms too.#i added and deleted so many qualifiers from this post over it lmao#people are passionate about fandom which is great! as a concept#but it sucks feeling like most people hate the thing you love or that - however diplomatically it's phrased - you should hate it too#or that folks think maybe you *would* be mad if you just looked at it a certain (sometimes seemingly cast as the 'correct') way#basically it's insane that half the time when i see people standing up and praising the revival i'm like 'damn bruh. you brave'#and feeling that way is partly a me thing. but i've seen posts that also lead me to believe it's not JUST a me thing yaknow?#i always wonder whether the 'vocal subset' in any given fandom who hate a thing are really the majority that they appear to be#or if they just appear to be the majority because they've needed to be vocal about it as a sort of internet support group thing lol#which fair enough i mean anyone's entitled to be disappointed or have feelings#for me? i don't think i can remember ever being mad about a series i liked#i'm just here for the vibes man i very rarely have fixed notions#i say to the writers: go ahead and surprise me. i'll make sense of pretty much anything they throw at me#i also think about a dd quote i saw ages ago that as an actor you (paraphrased): can't say 'the character would not do that'#...because if it's in the script then by definition they *did* do that. it's right there on the page.#and that's kind of me as a fan too.#p.s. i fucking love season 8 i love angst and holy shit it delivers. the new characters are fantastic the journey is *chef's kiss* and#yes i consider certain temperamental even assholeish behavior to also be *chef's kiss* there's so much trauma so much reason for it#it's be-yoo-ti-ful 💕 season 8 my beloved 😍#anyway watch it all watch none do what you want. just know that there are people who would cuddle the whole damn thing from start to finish#like a floppy wet lil raggedy ann doll if only they COULD#x files#the x files#txf revival#txf thoughts#i love you floppy wet raggedy ann doll
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#floette#aaahhh yes. i love how they're always going :D in sv every time you look at them#whenever i see this pokémon i always think of a fucked up little man bc one of my characters in my pmd oc campaign thing that i talk abt#is a floette. he's a human-turned-floette that was like. a really rigid and emotionally cut off software developer with a passion for his#work and really subdued emotions kinda Businessman Guy who got turned into a tiny little fairy-type flower creature and is super fucked up#about it. not because he hates being a girly little flower‚ but because he's like “how the hell am i gonna use a computer NOW”#and all he wants to do is get back to the human world so he can do his boring dayjob again and not have to be a little flower guy#so i look at this thing and i'm like. yeeeeaaahh. fucked up little man who goes crazy learning he's stuck as a flower baby forever now
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And not all DC fans are mad! I was happy when Leafpool beat Starfire, and I was pleased with Bumble winning too. (Epilepsy dad here, who is a comics fan, and has 4 kids who love reading the warrior cat books and have the Minifig warriors become superheroes In the Gotham city I hot as a kid) im digressing here: What keeps the warrior cats fandom strong is how you all form up around the cats that were mistreated by the writers, how you bring them into your homes and hearts and make better features for them. My Amuma always used to say if enough people believed in something, then maybe their will can change the world.
Always good to see you around!
This vitriol has been super disappointing, y'know? I feel like I have to keep stressing that DC fans are valid, their frustrations with the comics are well-founded, and Bumble's opponents should also be acknowledged as victims of misogyny
And then we don't get that grace back! Doesn't matter that Warriors is a best-selling kids' series with REALLY harmful messages in it read by millions across the globe. Bumble's "just a cat" and we're "reading too much into it." As if that's not the same shit that gets said about misogyny in media broadly; "They're not real, comics are just for fun, you're reading too much into it"
Now people are like "Oh it was a mistake for WARRIOR CATS to be in this poll" because they're mad our "just a cat" is winning. Like it's not a tournament and that's the whole point. We've got people trying to say that Bumble can't even have misogyny happen to her because the human writers superficially made her a cat, as if she's not a fantasy character like every other fantasy character she's been up against.
But, ugh. I won't let it stop me, y'know? StarClan gives its hardest battles to its strongest warriors ✨✨I will never shut up about the "justa cats," this fandom rocks exactly because of the fact we're so passionate about these issues and how to address and fix them, Bumblesweep FOREVER!
#I'm not a DC fan but one of my best friends in the whole world is#And he's always telling me about what's going on in them#His favorite guy is The Flash!#And me and my friend group have been watching the new superman show together#So like. I don't hate DC and I never have!#And it's not all DC fans obviously. There's just some really loud and nasty ones#But man I can't help feeling like WC fans are getting shit just because there's some sore losers#who are super mad their very prestigious and well-known comic book characters are being beaten by a character they do not respect#Bumblesweep#Vote Bumble#I don't know if I can change the world through my babbles and my passion#But I DO know that I can make some people feel a little better and less alone.#And I can back my girl Bumble and make everyone in this fandom and our surroundings see and acknowledge what they DID TO HER#JUSTICE FOR BUMBLE#bone babble
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ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD
Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!
#I want NO MESSAGES regarding this. let me just be upset and alone#you spend most of your life trying to not succumb to sick brain but honestly I don't think it's worth it in the long run#my life is for better or worse....decent. but I've lost the drive and happiness to really DO anything a long time ago. like whats the point#the only reason I havent killed myself yet is cause Im too lazy (and dont have access to a gun for a quick getaway)#and I'm saying all this DESPITE having stuff to look forward to in the near future. it's like AUGH whats the POINT IM always gonna suffer#why does mental health take such a toll on ppl. this shit sucks ass. and I still feel excited for things in the future too? somehow?#but I also really want to die so. idk man. idk. maybe if I fall in love with someone then I can be distracted but all my walls are up#what's the point in anything anymore. *I* have to take the steps to improve myself and my situation#and I'd rather die. anyways who wants to make a pact that once we reach 40 we will marry each other#that might be fun#also my brain has gotten so bad that I am literally considering joining a hiking club to get out more and I FUCKING HATE HIKING#but I should probably do something out of my comfort zone to push myself and who knows maybe I will find a new passion#but let me tell you about the anxiety - oh BOY it's starting to act up again. hahahha#ah well sometimes you just need to scream your feelings out in the tags to get a lil clarity from the brain fog#one day I will fucking die/kill myself but for now I'll just try to make the best out of. whatever the hell this stupid life is. *shrug*#(but hey if any professional hitmen are reading this. feel free to. heh. you know ;) )#also I need to get back to art#gotta do my paid work and that one pic I lined months ago. and clay stuff *continues to bed rot another week because hahahahahahaha*#ah I wish I didn't fail all those years ago. then I would be free. I wish I was free#ok goodnight I promised myself that I would do paid work when I wake up tomorrow so hopefully no more migraines -pray emoji-
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#i love swifties for a lot of reasons but one of my favorites is that ultimately they're extremely predictable#i mean this soooo lovingly like this isn't a hate post at all. they're a lot like taylor in this exact way which makes sense#like every time without fail they will receive information completely out of context and go into fight mode over it#and not once do they seek the full story or question the inflammatory way headlines convey info for clicks because#they don't even click lmaooo#and most of the time they blow stuff out of proportion and upon discovering it just pack it up and move on so like#they're pretty harmless in that regard. they're just extremely passionate and thereby reactionary and its fun to watch#and makes me laugh every single time it happens which is quite often. entertaining to me to watch the rise of vitriol and then#the subsequent cool down of oops we took things out of context again and reacted emotionally about our blonde woman#like this week its the tweet going around about the NYT ranking the albums which is NOT AT ALL WHAT THEY DID#the popcast is a podcast where many writers and critics talk music very seriously and smartly and fairly yess#but the popcast (deluxe) is a secondary show where two of the main hosts shoot the shit and talk about personal opinions#and how would swifties know that i know and i don't blame them for not knowing that but if you give it a little bit of idk#looking into or give it a listen you would find that#in this one episode they didn't even rank them definitively they just talked about their personal favs and not favs#ranking the album based on their personal opinions really#and one guy who is a huge rep stan and a folklore hater proclaimed rep his fav and evermore his least fav#and the other guy who is a folklore/early taylor stan and modern taylor hater said speak now was his fav and midnights his least#that's all like that's literally all it was alsdkjfslkfkldfj#but now the nyt music desk is considered this Evil Entity of No Taste and its like man..... here we go again hahahahahah#i'm not discoursing or mad about it i'm just like lmaoooooooooo CLASSIC swiftie move#anyway i love the popcast guys and i love the nyt music desk and think they're one of the last bastions of great music criticism#one things swifties are gonna do is take the click bait and CHOMP on it. i gotta get up and fish the hook out of their cheek
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god it really sucks that sega is so dead set on Shadow's current characterization because like... Ian hates it too. like, he's always the target of criticism when it comes to Shadow in IDW and the TailsTube, but i really wish people would consider:
he also hates that this is the direction they're dragging the character. he wants Shadow to experience emotions again. like, fuck, dude, he writes a damn good Shadow when he's allowed some freedom, but Sega will not give him that anymore. you cannot read preboot Archie and then tell me he's not invested in giving Shadow depth and nuance.
and it's so frustrating because like, we've seen what Shadow can be when he's allowed to be a character. we've seen what he can be when he's written by people who care about the story and not just a cardboard cutout. we have seen what he can be when there's not a fucking crayon lodged in his prefrontal cortex
i get why people are upset, i really do. but for the love of fuck, Ian Flynn is not the problem here, and he never has been. hell, he's on your side. he's not happy about it, either
#made the mistake of looking at twitter and Saturday's Bumblekast Live confirming Shadow's direction was of course taken badly#as if you can't hear the weariness in the man's voice when he says it. bro has been fighting tooth and nail for the Shadow we deserve#sega is just fucking incompetent when it comes to character direction#sigh. siiiigh.#i really like ian. he's cool. he's funny. he's passionate about the things he works on. i'd love to be on the show some day...#he genuinely does not deserve the metric fuckton of hate he's endured because of this fandom#rabbit.txt
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w4rframe jade pros:
angel frame omggggggggggggg!!!!!!! ANGEL IM AN ANGEL I LOVE PLAYABLE ANGELS
w4rframe jade cons: (j4de sh4dows spoilers under the cut and in tags)
the fucking. pregnant belly. wtf. eugh. *retches* (disclaimer before anyone tries to come at me: I have tokophobia!!!! I lowkey hate the quest and what they made of jade ngl)
#the community seems to be really split#some people love the quest and praise it endlessly#some people hate it with a passion#I can objectively recognize that maybe people who were closer to the target audience for it could've liked; hell; even loved it#but I'm a tokophobic mf and I just fucking hate the design choice and the plot of 'uh mother dies in childbirth so now the emotionally#unavailable father has to step up and be a dad oh and also the mother couldve had some real cool lore but her main role in the story is to'#be a driving motive for the father's development and to give birth' I dont like it its just eugh#I AM PRAYING. PRAYING FOR A SKIN THAT DOESNT HAVE THE MONSTROSITY IN IT PLEASE DE PLEASE#also censoring names of the game and the quest cuz I dont want my post in the search results sksk#thats a private pet peeve#pregnancy tw#pregnancy mention#pregnancy mention tw#idk anymore man
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the burnout is real lads . . . . .
#which is to say that i came home and just stared at the wall for roughly 2 hours instead of completing my documents#it was at least validating to get to talk to one of my coworkers today#and hear that they're just as burnt out as i am#and usually have to sit in the parking lot for 4 to 5 minutes before they come in because they just don't want to be here that badly#and it feels hard to admit because this is typically thought of as a passion driven profession#and it's like#neither of us have lost the passion for it???#it's not that we hate our jobs#it's just that we both feel like. we're putting in increasingly more effort week by week but we're just.#no longer getting results.#i mentioned how i feel like my faith in my ability to do this kind of work has just plummeted to zero#not at all helped by my mentor constantly pushing me to go faster and faster but then getting mad when my presentations go poorly#because i went faster or reduced the amount of material or cut the Q and A section down 10 minutes#i just feel . . . . . tired . . . . . . . . . . .#i still need to write three planning documents for tonight#one of which needs to be Really Good because my direct supervisor will be looking at it#but my god#i just want to sleep for three days straight and then stare at a wall for another three#i'm so close to the end though . . . . .#just another 15 of these documents (including the three from tonight) and that about covers my internship#of course then there's also the seminar work and the group project and all the fancy official employment documents#and. the portfolio project (a man screams in agony)#but god . . . . . . . .#so close . . . . . . . .#so close . . . . . .#once i'm free from the portfolio it's back to zola work and THEN . . . . . . . . . .#i can finally have a substantial mental health break for the first time since last may ;;; _____ ;;;
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Super heavy vent ahead in the tags
#bird chirps#vent#Talking about political stuff and suicidal ideation#But genuinely I cant anymore with this election. Im fucking terrified#Granted my dad’s a major pessimist and I think he lowkey enjoys others suffering#So his passionate rants about how we have no future and life isnt worth it if Trump wins definitely isnt helping#But holy shit Im actually terrified#Im trying to not crawl into the pit of despair but I really don’t know how life can go on worst case scenario#I cant delay my life four more years minimum for another recession/depression#I cant stay in this house and watch my rights get taken away#Theres just so much shit to be afraid of#And granted I live in a swing state. I think its still a swing state anyway since we tend to vote republican#So the campaigning here gets brutal#But it’s hard to stay positive when it seems like EVERYONE irl is so fucking pro trump#Im just praying theres a silent majority and that isnt the case#But God I cant fucking do this man#Situations where you have little to no control over the outcome are a fucking nightmare#I can vote so at least that’s something. But thats not enough to ease the anxiety#I need the outcome to be GUARENTEED and thats just not gonna happen#So I just sit here as shit gets worse and it’s harder to keep calm#And I dont have a good track record of having Safe Mental Health while in election times#So this just. Really fucking sucks#I hate when I get like this because it feels like such a major step back#And with an event THIS big its hard to push it all away as irrational and a mental health issue#Because my brain goes ‘Well LOGICALLY you WONT be able to go on so this is a correct way to think’#I hate it so fucking much#If Trump wins Ill pick up smoking or something. Fuck it#Deciding on an action like THAT is still less destructive than full on suicide plan#But I just. I cant fucking do this#Can I teleport to 2028 and just pray everythings okay
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I feel like I'm going to be cancelled for this but I have to say it:
I do not like Gol D. Roger.
#im so sorry folks#its more than a dislike actually#i hate him pretty passionately#like an “everytime i see his face i feel rage” hate#the decisions he made knowing he was about to die were pretty shitty idk#he was a really selfish man and hurt a lot of people just because he wanted to leave a legacy#and im not talking about the one piece#maybe i just “don't understand his character” or whatever#im glad hes a good pirate model for Luffy and such i guess but i still don't like him#tag rant over#coza thoughts
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Radfems and Alt-right'ers aligning with each other is one of the most incredible things to come out of the 21st century lmao
#txt#the only reason they even pay attention to them is because radfems hate transgenders particularly the mtf's with a burning passion#you got radfems involved in right-wing circles and they actually get along with them#even the damn men and i don't know how the f*ck that can possible when radfems want all men to die#this is truly amazing#honestly though they still shouldn't associate with radfems because they don't get that their terf mentality doesn't come from anything els#but their insatiable hatred for men. it doesn't have anything to do with transgenderism itself#“you can be friends with somebody you don't agree with” there is that and there's being friends with somebody that wants you gone from this#damn planet man#but oh well#they are suddenly fine because they tell mft's that they will never be women or whatever#the fact that y'all have reached this level is all sorts of amazing to me#it's gotten to the point where the rw is really associating with a group of people that f*cking hate them and would personally kill them if#they had the chance to actually do it#i'm saying all of this as someone who isn't either left-leaning or right-leaning. screw both sides#on the radfems i don't get it don't you hate all men and think all of them are inherently evil? so why the F*CK are you aligning yourself#with a whole group that you explicitly hate distrust and can't even look in the eye without feeling disgust??? you are a part of something#that they created and that you have explicitly stated on numerous occasions that you find it to be patriarchal misogynistic and sexist#i don't get it???? specially if you are christian you should DEFINITELY not even align with them#if you have that mindset with the jews you should have it with them too. they have a hatred for god jesus christ and christianity because to#them christianity is at the core of women's “oppression” (i mean they direct that at religion as a concept but christianity has been their#scapegoat for over a hundred years at this point#i mean you can still have love for them but they reject jesus. all we can do is pray for them and hope that they embrace jesus christ as#their lord and savior. that's the only legitimate way they can be saved. there is no other way
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man.. shipping with characters from movies is so hard..
#ash rambles 💚#I'm the kind of person thats super particular about my self inserts#i need them to be lore accurate and have super fleshed out backstories. i aspire to create the characters i want to see in media#and they will always be their own characters before they are me#that being said. i have such a hard time making an s/i when there's no wiggle room#this new guy I'm crushing on.. the story is so fast paced#and he's really in love with another girl#i love him and all that. but it feels like there's no room for me. that just pisses me off! ugh!#i feel the same way about k.ili too though not to such a great extent#idk man. i just hate when this kind of thing doesnt work right#writing my inserts is my greatest passion and i truly am proud of some of my lore#I'll always care for them as characters more than as a vessel for me to kiss pretty characters and i know all my friends can agree that 90%#of what I've sent them is writing about my s/is and not my f/os LMAAAOOO#but yeah. it's so hard for me to figure out where my self insert goes in this movie#also um. i dont want to have an s/i just be a useless side character that just stands there. i know this might sound silly but#as a brown woman who didnt grow up with much representation and to this fucking day has not seen a single punjabi woman in the media i grew#up watching.. i dont want my characters to be useless#ugh sorry I'm rambling sorry for being so negative#anyhow. I'm almost done with the first movie. crush boy is so handsome!!! gamers idk how long i can keep his identity a secret#hahaha what if you were a blacksmith and i was a cute writer and... and we kissed..? haha jk..... unless..?
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me when I actually find the gay:
woah holy shit out kind is not extinct!?
#i found gay frend irl :D#I'm horrified/pos#anyways my asexual really started to show lmao#i think I'm also like grey romantic? so like yeah i was just there staring at the girls making out and i was just feeling left out lmao 🤣#not in a sense that i wanted to join but in a vibe sense#like yes I'm queer but im like... the shy type of queer? holy shit you guys are so... bold? so erm passionate!#i mean hood for them!#imma just like skedaddle into another room and give them space-#and then they say why im antisocial even with queeer people 😭#man i hate being so like... idunno. like bland? basic? vanilla? i dont hate being like this but i hate not being able to relate to my peers#like WHY ARE PEOPLE SO HORNY-#girls y'all kiss just like... imma go read fanfiction in the corner and sove my head under my turtle shell.
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#Man fuck TikTok..#legit was#mindless scrolling until I hit a a TikTok that had pics of cast and it was all the celebs that were part of a tv show thay passed this year#and ofc included Angus and Matthew Perry were included#but the top comment was about angus and I just burst out crying because I miss him so much#wish I had more time and I wish he knew how much he meant for us and I hate he’s no longer here and I hate he’s gone#like i just had the worst fucking weekend in the world and like had to spend $500 on some new tires and then had to cancel a date#with this guy i really like and on tuesday it will be 4 months since he passed and im still not over it#i wish he was still here i dont wish he was suffering but like i wish he was still on the planet earth living the life he wanted to live#i wish he accomplished the goals he wanted to achieve#and i just wish he was still here for me for selfish reasons#idk tonight was my spiral moment after a long time#like i just can't stop crying and god i fucking miss angus#he deserved so much better and fuck man i want him back#but he's never coming back#never#and i hate 2023 with a burning passion#i want to go back in time and relive the moment when he was still in earth and appreciate them but i cant
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ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏
#haunted ecosystem#i'll take a burst of creativity in a different form than usual than the burnout slump i've been in for a few months#<- part of why my fandom stuff has taken a smidge of a backseat#dont get me wrong i am still very excited about my fandoms im just having fun off in oc hell (affectionate)#its nice to just be able to create and not really worry about perception. and also i feel Less bad about just throwing ocs into the wringer#((blame the fact i've been REALLY interested in whump recently and i have been. fixated. on one of my characters.))#and ALSO i've been! rekindling my flame for wtds. i've been putting off thinking about it since that fic got.#nothing bad happened? but it was still very devastating that somebody who i considered a friend from that fic just. evaporated.#but i'm gonna finish that fic for him :) even if it takes a year. even if it's the one thing i finish ever. it'll be wtds.#for where its gotten me and the fact its what got me out of my shell and is the reason i trust that my writing is good!#i used to really hate rereading my work. i catch flaws that are obvious to me. but that fic. i just think about how *good* the story is#that story means. a lot to me? as a person? like the main character is not a good person. but people care about him anyway.#and there are so many little things. so many sentiments. so much that is a love letter to people who've done bad but learnt to do better#because. god knows i wasnt a good person even just a few years ago. and maybe i see myself in him a bit.#he came from a place of paranoia and fear and pain. and maybe its a good thing that i've found it difficult to write him recently.#because god. i've been HAPPY. even with the rough moments and bad days. i've been happy. i mean fuck.#my birthday's what. ten days away? god damn man. i'm going to be 18. that's an achievement.#i want to look the kid who thought it was over at half my age and tell him we fucking made it. and there are more years to come.#there's a life ahead. even if it's going to be a bitch. even if it's going to be tough. there's love in your heart and people who care and#you're going to fucking live and you're going to feel better one day. you have people to meet properly and thank and cherish.#because for every day it feel like the world's ending there are a dozen more where the sun shines just the right way through the rain#and you can't help but smile because it's just so god damn beautiful.#and fuck it. you're sick. your hands hurt and your legs don't work right. and it's tough sometimes. but you have people who understand.#you have people who honest to god love you for who you are and appreciate your company. and 18 is the first step.#you've spent half your life unlearning things and you've spent half your life relearning how to be what YOU want to be#and if you're a mediocre artist and passionate writer then you'll be fucking great at that. taking the time to learn when it strikes you.#and maybe this is for me. but its also for anybody reading it too. please god if there's one thing you take from this let it be that#somebody out there cares. *I* care. god i care. even if we've never spoken proper i care about you.#i practically have a list of everybody i see in my inbox. i love seeing familiar names show up. i.#i dont know how to neatly wrap up this tag ramble. but. i am so damn full of love it hurts sometimes. its scary to be happy but thats ok!
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