#i reached out once recently and was rejected because I did it in a way that was unkind

[queerunpleasantdanger]

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[iimr3]

reasons why (in my opinion) the try guys hit the nail on the head with forming a subscription service where watcher fumbled:

try guys has already been making TV-caliber content for a while. without a recipe and phoning it in both feel like professional cooking shows, and the fact that they have actual celebrity guests adds to that. their audience is extremely familiar with them having this huge set and a ton of employees working to produce the videos they love. on top of that, they've been around longer. they mention at the beginning of the announcement they've been on YouTube for ten years, & dropout/CH similarly had been around for a while when it's streaming service dropped. try guys just always felt more professional & as a fan you immediately understand why they would need more money

(edit) also, they have formed an emotional connection between the audience and their employees! people love rachel & know how hard she works & want to see her get paid well for that work. not that the watcher team don't deserve that, but their audience is way less emotionally invested in their employees' wellbeings than with the try guys audience & their non-talent team (& I say this as a fan & regular viewer of both channels).

try guys already had experience with paid content that went over really well with their audience. their live shows proved that their audience was willing to pay a decent amount every once in a while for something cool, and they proved that they would actually provide something cool for that money. people pointed out how watcher neglected their patreon; the try guys made very good use of their live shows imo. and as a result, they are able to say "you'll get free tickets to the live shows!" which is a really good perk if you are someone who enjoys those. instead of paying $20 every once in a while for one live show, you can pay 5$ for free live shows and early content and exclusive new content.

plus, they also reveal their expanded cast, which is something all of their fans have been wondering about for over a year. it's not just keith and zach you get to see, but all of these people their audience now loves and is always talking about wanting to join the try guys officially. collectively the try guys announcement feels more positive in multiple senses, both in emotional vibe and in what the audience is getting out of this.

also: no one can say for certain whether or not they decided to keep posting on YT after the watcher debacle, but I'm gonna give them the benefit of the doubt & believe that they always intended to stay on YouTube. it makes sense as a business decision & it's clear they've been working on this for some time (despite what some people seem to think??). tbh I don't think they were trying to be cruel to watcher in their announcement, I think they just saw that shitstorm and understood they needed to make it clear to their audience that they are not making the same mistakes. EDIT: in the most recent trypod, zach confirmed that they have been planning to 1) create a streaming service 2) keep posting content free on YouTube since 2023. so, no, they did not create 2nd Try or decide to stay on YouTube because of Watcher. stop trying to manufacture drama.

also also: they have, especially in the trypod, been very candid about their struggles with the algorithm and appealing to youtube's demands for content. in one episode I remember them talking about how they wanted to reject the "constant expansion" mindset, placing more focus on what their existing audience wants rather than trying to constantly get new people. they have been open about how certain things they want to do are not viable because of monetization issues; smoke show is a recent example of this.

another edit: also in the recent episode of the trypod, Zach says that they reached out to Sam Reich of Dropout for tips on starting a streaming service & things to avoid. we have no way of telling if Watcher did this, but I wouldn't be surprised if that was also key in why they turned out differently.

tl;dr i think it comes down to what was presented (not leaving youtube, new content that wouldn't be allowed on youtube, free live shows, new cast), how it was presented (shorter video, focus on the excitement & positives, show of respect to those who can't afford the price), and the context surrounding it (being older, a reputation for more professional content, having prepared their audience for a big shift, having previously discussed issues with youtube and their content)

[disaster-writer]

Poison (Part 4/4)

Pairing: Alpha!Bokuto Koutarou x Beta!Reader

Summary: You loved love, but it wasn’t made for you… but maybe a certain Alpha could change your mind

Word Count: 6k

A/N: This is the final part but there will be an epilogue. Thank you for all the support on this fic

AU: Omegaverse

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Bokuto blinked.

When did he get to his apartment?

And when did it start raining? He could have sworn the weather report said clear skies all day.

He reached for his duffle bag that hung from his shoulder, the weight of the rejected dangos and gift feeling heavier than they did this morning, and unzipped the small pocket at the front before fishing for his key.

He shoved the key in the lock, shut the door behind him and slid off his shoes, leaving them at the door.

His movements were rigid and automatic as he flicked the lights on and dropped his duffle bag onto the ground, leaving it behind him on the path he was on. He’ll put it in its proper spot later. 

He walked into the living room and plopped himself on his couch, the cushions dipping under his weight. The rain water that dampened his clothes soaked into the couch, drops of water dripping from his flattened hair. 

And… he just sat there, lost.

He stared at the palms of his hands. He had no idea what to do with himself.

For the last nine month his routine was to go to his family home and cook (or bake) for you with his sisters, and imagining what kind of reaction you’d give him on the way home when he gave it to you the following day.

Bokuto didn’t quite realize until now how much you really occupied his mind, because for the first time since he realized he’s had feelings for you, thinking about you felt wrong.

It felt like you’d hate him if you ever found out how much you were on his mind.

He pulled his phone out, reading the texts he knew he got on the train ride.

Tsum Tsum: Where are you??? We’ve been waiting by the train station for a damn half hour, how long does it take to hand over a couple gifts??

Star-pupil: ‘Is everything okay? Did she accept the stuff?’

Onee-chan : ‘Are you still coming over? Onee-chan and I started baking already’

He responded to all of them with the same simple words.

‘She said no.’

By the third time he typed out the message, his eyes had filled with tears.

With a sniffle, he turned off his phone for the night.

He doesn’t remember ever feeling this empty before.

He wanted to go to bed and sleep, even if it was only 5 o’clock, he wanted to sleep and not wake up for the next ten years in the hopes that his heart wouldn’t hurt so much anymore.

So he went to bed.

But he did anything but sleep.

Instead he had found himself wrapped up in a burrito of blankets, watching the movies that he recently bought.

They were all romantic comedies. 

All of your favorite movies from the list your sister gave him.

By the end of the first movie Bokuto couldn’t control his tears, the cheesy script about an Alpha and Beta falling in love, but the Beta not believing the Alpha was truly in love with her and that it’d never work, then seeing the Alpha fight for her love.

It hit too close to home. But he couldn’t stop watching.

He put in a second movie and then a third, somewhere along the way he had managed to dig up a sweater he took from you with the full intention of giving it back once it was drenched in his scent. He soaked the fabric with his tears, keeping his nose buried against it throughout the night.

He vaguely acknowledged the fact that he should be sleeping when he started the fifth movie.

But he wouldn’t until half way through the sixth and his body just couldn’t handle the physical and emotional exhaustion anymore.

Before falling asleep he couldn’t help believe that Ushiwaka was to blame for all of this.

When he had woken up in the morning it wasn’t to his alarm but a very irate Atsumu that had let himself into his home and bedroom.

”Get up,” Atsumu hissed, already dressed in his uniform, dropping Bokuto’s duffle bag on top of him, effectively waking him up.

It was sad really. All the tissues scattered around, some depressing movie playing in the background, while Bokuto was curled up like a baby with its blanket, but instead it was a sweater he had seen you wear more than once.

Nine months without an ounce of reciprocation hadn’t even managed to extract a hint of this kind of depression.

Bokuto grunted, rubbing his swollen eyes.

”What time—?”

”Almost ten, so get yer ass outta bed or we’re gonna be late.”

Bokuto shot out of bed, “TEN—“ 

Why didn’t his alarm go off— fuck, he forgot he turned his phone off.

Bokuto ran from room to room, toothbrush hanging from his mouth as he rifled through his drawers for clothes.

Atsumu’s eye twitched as he glanced at the time, “So, uh— Ya didn’t answer any of our texts last night,” he said, crossing his arms as he watched Bokuto running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

He pulled the toothbrush from his mouth, “I turned my phone off,” was all he replied with, putting the toothbrush back in to pull on his uniform shorts before running back into the bathroom.

”Ya gonna tell what happened or keep me in the dark?” He called out.

Bokuto spit the toothpaste from his mouth, coming out of the bathroom with his jersey on now. Atsumu standing up and passing his bag to his friend.

”There’s nothing to tell,” he replied sadly, walking out of the room with Atsumu in tow. “She thinks we’re incompatible because she’s a Beta and I’m an Alpha.” He rifled through his fridge, pulling out a bento he had meal prepped earlier in the week before shoving it into his bag.

”So what? Yer just gonna stop courtin’ her now because she thinks it wouldn’t work out between ya?” The idea sounded preposterous, this was the same man that relentlessly courted you for nine months straight when any other alpha would have called it quits after one week.

”She begged me to stop,” he replied bitterly, grabbing his phone from the living room as the two finally made their way out of his apartment, “Whatever Ushiwaka said when he rejected her made her not want to be with a ‘strong Alpha’… whatever that means.”

”Well the percentage of successful Alpha/Beta relationships is pretty low.”

Bokuto threw a glare over his shoulder at his friend.

He put his hands up in defense, “I’m just sayin’.”

”I know,” he snapped, “I’ve done some research. I just thought if she saw how much I liked her all of that wouldn’t matter. But it does… apparently Ushiwaka’s words mean more to her than my actions.” 

Atsumu narrowed his eyes, studying the back of Bokuto’s head. Something about how he said ‘Ushiwaka’ didn’t sit right with him.

Especially knowing they would be playing him in the match today.

”Yer not gonna let this fuck with ya today right? Not gonna fuck up our chance getting to the championship?”

Bokuto stopped in his tracks, Atsumu almost walking right into him. “You know ‘m not in high school anymore. I can control myself on the court Tsum Tsum.”

His scent was bitter.

Atsumu tensed his jaw. Bokuto was not alright.

”Fine.” He spat, “But I’m telling coach and Meian to keep an eye on you—“

Bokuto turned, gripping Atsumu’s arm, “So coach can pull me out the second he thinks I’m getting too emotional?” He spat, more malice than he had heard in his voice in a long time. “I’ll be fine— if you get me pulled out before I can beat the Adler’s today I’ll never forgive you.” He dropped his arm, practically throwing it before turning back around and continuing towards the train station.

Atsumu tsked. He certainly did not miss Bokuto saying ‘I’ instead of ‘we’.

Bokuto didn’t say much more than that as they climbed onto the train, hanging onto the hand rails as they went towards the gym.

They’d be late for their call time but they knew you always scheduled the bus to arrive a half hour after the players arrival.

You always played it safe like that, scheduling time to account for fuck ups.

The thought of you with your nose in your agenda, scheduling things like you always did caused a pang in his heart.

He used to imagine coming up behind you while you scribbled away, pulling you into his arms while you worked.

All those little fantasies he came up with were quickly crumbling before his eyes.

He sighed sadly, pulling his phone out and turning it on for the day.

As his phone loaded, notifications started flooding in. All texts from his teammates… it looked like pretty much everyone knew which he wasn’t surprised, of course telling Atsumu and Hinata would make the news spread like wildfire. He also had texts from his sisters and even his parents, which also didn’t surprise him all that much. The texts that did surprise him were Kuroo’s, Akaashi’s, and even Kenma’s.

Everyone knew.

He scrolled through the texts for a bit but they only proved to make him more irritated, especially after his conversation with Atsumu. 

Most of the messages were calling you an idiot or stupid, that he could do better, that he should pursue Omegas again and how you weren’t worth it.

He shoved his phone angrily into his bag.

No one got it. No one ever understood why he liked you. He knew his teammates thought it was a waste of time and energy but they weren’t there. They weren’t in that locker room when you walked in shyly and all flustered when you admitted you left your clothes at home and offered yourself for him to scent instead.

They weren’t the ones that held you in their arms that day and felt the anger wash away from them as an entirely new comforting feeling took place. You smelled like home. It was different from the sweet, enticing scent of an Omega’s. Yours was warm and inviting— it was everything he needed in that moment. He could remember so clearly how stiff you were at first but how you eventually melted into his arms, like you had never been held before.

Whenever someone found out he was courting a Beta they always seemed to ask how could he feel like a good, useful Alpha if he would be mated to a Beta, who were typically known for being independent. 

But they didn’t know you wanted to be held.

He had to be the one to tell you he should go back to the match, you had been falling asleep in his arms as he ran his nose along your neck and breathed you in, clinging to his arms that were wound around your waist.

You didn’t want to leave either.

Seeing you turn back into your normal, professional self hadn’t been easy after that, but it was all the more reason to start courting you.

He wanted to feel you melt in his arms again while he scented you.

”Ya alright man?” Atsumu asked carefully, peering at Bokuto’s face. His eyes were red.

He sniffled, “‘M fine… Sorry about before,” he added as an afterthought.

”It’s fine. I get it,” He replied as the train came to a stop.

The two Alphas got off the train and made their way to the gym. It was 10:20.

They were late.

”Man— we’re so fuckin’ late. Now she’s gonna nag us the entire ride there,” Atsumu groaned.

Him, Atsumu, and Hinata tended to be on the receiving end of your scoldings as the three were always either late or not where they were supposed to be.

It was the reason you started scheduling everyone to arrive a half hour early before games, after having to hold the bus up for the three when you had first started working with them.

Bokuto wasn’t sure what he expected or wanted. You’d probably go back to being the same old professional you with that unreadable facade of yours. You’d probably yell at him and Atsumu for being late, not bothering to acknowledge what happened yesterday.

Or maybe you’d be kinder, give a gentle reminder to come in on time before discussing today’s details with the coach.

What happened was much worse.

Both he and Atsumu stepped into the gym and you…

You didn’t even look at him.

It caught Atsumu off guard as well. Realizing you weren’t marching over to them to reprimand their lateness he slid his eyes over to his friend.

He was just staring at you.

”C’mon,” Atsumu grunted, grabbing his arm and dragging him over to the other players that were standing around.

Bokuto felt stuck in a daze, eyes continuing to follow you as Atsumu dragged him around.

You were dressed in your business casual like you always were on game days as you’d be on camera and also talking to representatives of the teams’ sponsors that were in attendance. Your hair was in one of your little tight buns that often made him wonder what you’d look like with your pretty hair down and framing your face.

You were talking to the coach and one of the athletic trainers.

You still didn’t look at him.

Ami also stood next to you, raising a hand towards him in a small wave. She wore a sad frown.

He waved back still caught in a daze.

”Did you get any sleep last night?” Hinata asked, pulling Bokuto back into the present.

He was eyeing Bokuto up and down, taking in his sorry state. 

“Some,” he responded with, finally managing to look away from you.

”This is a joke right?” Sakusa looked over to Atsumu, clearly irritated. “She did this the day before an Adler’s game?”

”Don’t get me started on that,” Atsumu grumbled, “I think that’s the most unbelievable part in all this.”

Tomas clapped Bokuto on the back, “Chin up man. This kind of stuff happens all the time, what’s important is focusing on today’s game.”

Inunaki nodded, “Yeah, plenty of fish in the sea and all that y’know.”

”But I like her,” Bokuto said, furrow in his brow as he stared at his feet.

”Maybe you can ask out her sister?” Joffe suggested, “You two seem to get along.”

”I already called dibs!” Atsumu cut in.

Sakusa rolled his eyes, “She’s clearly not interested in idiots.”

Bokuto was surrounded by his team, by his friends, but he had never felt so isolated.

As they bickered over Ami, Bokuto dragged his eyes back towards you, looking over his shoulder.

Your back was to him now as you talked to your sister.

It looked like you two were arguing.

”C’mon Bokuto, that’s enough,” Barnes gripped his shoulder, “I know it hurts now but now that it’s out in the open you can finally move on.”

Move on.

He supposed that’s what was expected of him now.

But he didn’t want to move on.

”Right,” he said. The word felt empty.

The ride to the stadium was all too fast and all too slow. 

He sat where he usually did in the back with Hinata, Atsumu, and Sakusa, while you sat at the front with your sister.

Every once in a while you would turn, giving him a view of your pretty profile that he had grown so used to seeing.

He didn’t understand why whatever Ushiwaka told you changed how you viewed dating Alphas so much.

What could he have said that broken you so much that you haven’t tried dating again for four whole years.

And why were you still listening to him.

Bokuto was a better Alpha than Ushiwaka, he was kinder and respected everyone not bothering to pay so much attention to the hierarchy that was the second gender. Traditional Alphas such as Ushijima had that hierarchy so ingrained in them that they only respected those they deemed worthy of it.

Was Bokuto not even good enough for you to reconsider something one Alpha told you once.

What made Ushijima Wakatoshi better than him. 

Were you just subconsciously following the stronger Alpha?

Ami suddenly turned in her seat, glancing at him before whispering something in your ear.

Atsumu grabbed Bokuto by the shoulder and shook him from his thoughts. “Ya gotta calm down. Yer scent is startin’ to stink up the bus and it’s scarin’ the Omega,” he nodded in Ami’s direction as she glanced back again.

Bokuto groaned, dipping his head and burying his face in his hands.

”I know we already talked about it, but yer sure ya’ll be fine?”

”It’ll be different when I’m on court,” is all he responded with.

It will be different.

It’ll be completely different when he’s standing across from Ushijima.

By the time they arrived and the bus parked, you were already running off with Ami. Probably to find her seat or start networking like you usually did at these games.

They had two hours before the game would start. They’d spend an hour getting situated and another hour warming up and doing all the pep talks. You would probably come back a half hour before the start time.

Bokuto did all the things expected of him. He did his best to focus on the conversations between his friends. Hinata was excited to see Kageyama again, the two making plans to eat out and inviting anyone else that wants to come.

He listened to his teammates attempts at trying to make him feel better. Once again calling you stupid and an idiot for not wanting to go out with him. These guys were supposed to respect you as a colleague and here they were insulting you for his sake.

He couldn’t understand why they thought that would make him feel better.

But after settling in for a bit and ignoring the consolations he started to feel a bit better. He knew he had to get into game mode and if his past has taught him anything it was that letting your emotions run rampant on court often lead to many fuck ups.

But he had matured since high school. He learned how to regulate his emotions and keep his instincts in check since then.

He was an adult now. He played volleyball professionally. He can separate his personal life from his professional life.

The game was about to start. Warm ups had gone smoothly and everyone, including Bokuto, was focused.

They were all going to be called onto the court soon.

The energy was ramping up as Meian concluded his speech in the locker room, all the players cheering for the win they knew they would be getting today.

”(Y/N) should be in any minute now to call us out, so get any last minute bathroom breaks or anything else out of the way now.” Meian announced.

”I’m gonna fill my bottle in the hallway,” Bokuto said, standing up.

”Yer already done with that?” Atsumu laughed, smacking his back, “Ya gonna piss all over the court?”

Bokuto laughed. It was strained, but he still managed a laugh.

He ran out into the hallway with his bottle and towards the water fountain, beginning to fill it up.

Screwing the top back on and aiming to head back inside, he looked up.

He stopped, head tilting.

It was you and Ushiwaka standing at the end of the hallway, talking.

Smiling.

You hadn’t even looked at him today but you were smiling at Ushijima.

He took a step towards the two of you then stopped.

He clenched his fist tight, his chest feeling tight and constricted before deciding to go back to the locker room.

He couldn’t help but feel that maybe he really just wasn’t good enough for you.

You walked in two minutes later, standing in the doorway.

”Alright guys, time to get out there!” You exclaimed. The others all cheered as they ran out while you shouted encouragements as usual.

Time seemed to slow down as he passed by you.

”Good luck, Bokuto-san,” you said, quieter than your other encouragements to everyone else.

Bokuto-san 

He was no longer Koutarou to you. He was Koutarou for all of ten minutes of your life and now he would forever be Bokuto-san.

He didn’t reply.

He couldn’t as his eyes searched and landed on only one person throughout the stadium. He wouldn’t look away, not even when he stood across from him on the court.

Bokuto had completely locked onto Ushiwaka.

“Bokkun,” Atsumu called out as a warning as he stood beside him.

”I’m fine.” He snapped.

”Ya better be,” he grumbled under his breath.

Bokuto had always been emotional. Everyone always chalked it up to his instincts, and maybe they were right. But he rarely got angry like most Alphas did. He was more likely to find himself sad and depressed.

But right now as he stared down Ushiwaka, an anger that was buried down so deep was being dug up.

An anger he didn’t even know that lived inside him.

It was raw and dangerous and—

Feral.

* * * *

25 - 25

The first set was officially going into overtime.

Coach Samson shook his head, “The Adler’s got ‘em,” he grumbled under his breath, “We’re gonna have to bench Bokuto.”

You swallowed uneasily, heart pounding in your chest.

”I think you’re right,” you breathed out.

You don’t think you’ve ever seen such reckless plays be made by Bokuto your entire time with MSBY.

He just seemed so angry.

”I don’t understand what happened,” Samson said, leaning forward as he watched the game with scrutinizing eyes, “He was playing better than ever in yesterday’s practice.”

You tensed your jaw.

You fucked up.

Your phone buzzed. 

Ami: ‘I told you you should’ve told him this morning that you changed your mind’

You were going to be sick.

You really fucked up.

You texted back furiously. 

‘I can fucking see that now. I thought it could wait until after, I didn’t think he was gonna be like this’

Ami: ‘I told you this is what Alphas do. Can you call a time out or something? Tell him you’ll go on a date with him and send them back out there’

You scoffed at your phone.

”Shit,” Samson hissed. The ref blew the whistle.

Your head snapped up at break neck speed.

27-25 Adlers 

Your phone buzzed again.

Ami: ‘TELL HIM NOW!!!!’

There was a knot in your throat as you watched the team return to the bench with their heads down and fists clenched.

There was clearly a lot of animosity brewing between the players. Bokuto had been recklessly locked onto Ushijima and aiming his hits at him, causing them to miss multiple points.

They probably could have won if it wasn’t for that.

Atsumu had lost his cool long ago right at the start when he realized what was going on, snapping and shouting at Bokuto the longer the set went on. Meian was stuck having to mediate between the two and Sakusa, Hinata, and Inunaki were growing more and more irate.

They were barely recognizable as a team in their emotional states.

Ami was right. You wanted to talk to him after the game and in private to let him know you had thought longer about going out with him. You wanted to tell him that you were wrong, you were stupid and an idiot for allowing an Alpha like Ushijima to disillusion you for so long and keep you from the things you truly wanted. 

You wanted it to be a bit more romantic when you were planning out what you were going to say in your head and you knew both you and him needed to focus today but clearly you’ve already put this conversation off for too long.

You stood up alongside Samson as the team reached the bench.

“Bokuto!” Samson snapped, standing up and meeting the group with you following not far behind. “What’s gotten into you!?”

”I’m fine,” he kept his head down.

”No, you’re not fine. I know you have better game sense than that! You practically handed over the winning point!”

”Bench him!” Atsumu spat, “He’s gonna cost us the championship!”

”You’re not helping Miya,” Samson snapped back. “You need to calm down too, you could have set to Hinata back there. You’re letting Bokuto’s mood influence you.” He turned back to Bokuto, “I’m pulling you out of the next set until you cool down—“

Bokuto��s head snapped up, ”I said I’m fine! I have to keep playing, I’m gonna win this!”

”Not like that you aren’t! You’re gonna sit and (Y/N)’s gonna give you something to scent until you cool down, understood?”

”But I—!”

”Understood?” He cut him off with a hiss.

Bokuto’s jaw tensed, locking as he gave a curt nod. 

You cleared your throat, “Bokuto-san, I would like to speak with you privately—“

”Oh please,” Atsumu sneered, turning to you. “Plannin’ on makin’ this worse? Yer the whole reason why we’re in this mess in the first place,” he took a step towards you, puffing his chest out, “Would it have really been that hard to break his heart after the match?”

You took a step back, eyes widened, ”Hey, I—“

”Get away from her,” Bokuto suddenly stepped in front of you, pushing Atsumu back by his shoulders, “She did nothing wrong!”

Atsumu pushed him back, getting in his face, “Did nothing wrong!?” He spat back, “She rejected ya of all people before an Adler’s game! How fuckin’ brain dead is she—“

Atsumu’s head flew to the side, face suddenly radiating with a burning, bruising pain.

His top lip was wet. 

Bokuto fucking punched him.

Your jaw hung open as you watched the complete chaos that ensued. Meian was holding Bokuto back from trying to attack Atsumu, Sakusa was suddenly holding Atsumu back as he looked as if he was about to attack back.

You stared at Bokuto, his face red, a snarl screwing up his features as the tendons in his neck bulged as he tried to get Atsumu.

It was scary.

You don’t think you’ve ever thought Bokuto was scary before— 

”Coach,” Meian suddenly barked, “I think he might be going feral!”

”Get him to the locker room!” He called back.

There were referees suddenly approaching you.

It felt like your ears were filled with cotton as you barely caught anything they were telling you as you watched Meian and some of the other players haul Bokuto away as he continued to struggle in their hold.

”(Y/N)!” You were suddenly jolted from the daze you were in. “Calm him down, give him the clothes off your back if you have to.”

”Right!” 

You went into action and ran after them, ignoring the ref’s.

You left the duffle bag of clothing you always brought under the bench.

You were barely thinking as you started unbuttoning the blouse you were wearing and ripping it off, leaving you in your tank top.

The second you were close enough and that locker room door was being opened, you threw your blouse in just after Bokuto was being shoved through and locked inside.

”What was that?” Meian asked you, panting as he made sure the door was shut tight.

Bokuto was throwing his body against the door from the other side, making it shake in it’s frame.

”My shirt. My scent should be stronger on it since I’ve been wearing it all day. Get back to the court, I’ll take care of him from here.”

“You sure, it sounds like he getting pretty violent in there.”

You nodded, “I’m a Beta, my whole selling point is being able to calm down Alphas.”

”Alright, I’ll leave him to you then.” He said with a nod before running back to the court.

Your attention was brought back to the locker room and the loud, harsh bangs and thuds that emitted from the room.

“What a mess,” you groaned, leaning against the wall beside the door.

Atsumu was right, this was all your fault.

Yesterday, in the moment it felt crueler to let his crush on you drag on any longer. And it didn’t feel right to tell him you had gone and changed your mind after the fucking waterworks you pulled knowing he had a game to focus on.

You just didn’t want to be a distraction— you didn’t realize how that would come back to bite you in the ass.

And now you just felt like a bitch.

You slid to the ground, sitting on the floor, waiting for Bokuto to quiet down. You’d eventually go in there to assess the situation for yourself, you’d let him scent you if he was still too far gone in his emotional state, and you’d tell him you changed your mind hoping he didn’t hate you too much because of it.

You watched the next set start from where you sat. It seemed they managed to clean up Atsumu and get him back in the game.

You hadn’t even thought about the entire team being pissed at you for turning Bokuto down before an Adler’s game… Atsumu had never yelled at you before.

It seemed the reputation you built was crumbling before your eyes.

1-0 Adlers 

2-4 Adlers

6-5 Adlers

7-6 MSBY

7-7

8-7 MSBY

Bokuto was quiet.

It took you a few minutes with all the excitement of your team turning the set in their favor for you to realize Bokuto was quiet.

You slid over to the door and pressed your ear against it.

Nothing.

Your breath hitched, heart steadily beginning to beat faster in your chest.

You stood up and with shaky hands you unlocked the door, quietly slipping in.

The room was almost eerily quiet as there was no sign of him.

The locker room was turned inside out. Lockers were dented in, the players belongings were scattered all over the place, some of which being torn to shreds.

He had even managed to get one end of the bolted down bench up.

The bloody tracks on the lockers didn’t go unnoticed by you either.

”Bokuto-san?” You called out gently, venturing in deeper into the locker room.

There was no reply, but it didn’t take you very long to find him after that.

In the far corner of the locker room, Bokuto had managed to wedge himself into a corner between two sets of lockers.

He was missing his jersey, covered in a layer of sweat, chest rising and falling in ragged breaths with his nose buried in the collar of your blouse like a life line. His eyes were red and swollen as if he had been crying. 

Your blouse was covered in blood stains from the open wounds on his knuckles.

And those sad, puppy eyes from yesterday found you once more.

Your shoulders slumped at the sorry sight, heart clenching painfully for him.

You walked over to him, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot.

You didn’t know what to say, “… Would you like to scent me?” You offered, doubtful he’d take you up on the offer after yesterday.

He stared at you for a long while with those sad eyes before nodding.

You shuffled over, kneeling before him— he had pulled you into his arms, turning you around to sit between his legs as he buried his nose into your neck. 

And you sat like that for a few minutes, letting him calm down as he held you and breathed in your scent.

It didn’t bother you that he was covering you in his sweat or what felt suspiciously like tears wetting your neck. He had clearly had a very rough and emotional twenty four hours and you wanted to be there for him.

The feeling of being held in his arms with his face against your neck was familiar. You had chosen to block out the memory, chalking it up as you helping another co-worker but you couldn’t deny that it felt nice to be held.

You melted against him.

”I… may have changed my mind,” you forced out. His body stiffened around you, tensing at your words but he didn’t reply. You never wished more to have the same sense of smell as an Alpha or Omega just so you could know how he was feeling.

But you didn’t, so you had to do this the only way you knew how.

”After yesterday I went home and told Ami everything that happened and… well, she got really mad at me and we ended up talking for a very, very long time,” you sighed, “You see I… I never told anyone what Ushiwaka told me the day he rejected me and since that’s why I rejected you yesterday, Ami forced me to tell her what he had said all those years ago… and after telling her, I felt like you deserved to know too.”

You sucked in a breath, bracing yourself, “He told me relationships between Alphas and Betas weren’t real. There would always be a better, more suitable mate for them out there and once they found that then the Beta would be replaced. He went into detail after that as to why it wouldn’t work out, which was all the typical stuff you hear about scents and ruts… I’ve done years and years of research into relationships between both Alphas and Betas and Betas and Omegas before, I knew all the arguments as to why they don’t work but I never thought of myself as being replaceable…” your voice wavered, “I’ve dreamed about meeting the right person and falling in love since I was little and I just… I don’t want to be a placeholder until someone better comes along,” you sniffled, a couple tears slipping from your eyes.

”I would never do that to you,” Bokuto murmured against your neck, voice raw and raspy.

You found your hand squeezing one of the arms wrapped around you.

”After I told Ami that, she reminded me of something that I’ve always known but I guess I managed to forget,” you continued, wiping at your face with your free hand. “My great grandmother was a Beta— that’s where the gene comes from. And my great grandfather… he was an Alpha… I grew up listening to stories about them, I was always more interested in their relationship than my siblings were. My great grandma died when she was 59 and he died at 96. He never remarried. My grandma said her father loved her mother too much to ever think about another woman.” You cried, “And then I just kept remembering all these super crazy romantic stories about them and they had their own issues come up but they never stopped loving each other and I realized last night… There’s no reason why I shouldn’t at least try dating an Alpha if they were able to do it. So… if you’re not too upset with me for putting you through such an emotional rollercoaster, I would like to ask you out on a date Bokuto-san.” 

The feeling of asking someone out and wearing your heart on your sleeve felt so familiar, you were already prepared for a rejection.

”Koutarou,” he softly corrected.

“Kota,” you shortened, biting back a watery grin, “Would you like to go out with me on Valentine’s Day to see a movie and eat cake for dinner?”

”Yes,” he breathed out, “More than anything else.”

”Okay,” you nodded, “Then it’s a date. I’m sorry for being stubborn and acting like an idiot.”

He hugged you close to his chest, “You’re not an idiot.”

You swore you could feel him smile against your neck.

The two of you stayed like that for a while, sitting in his arms as he nosed at your neck, prodding at your scent gland and reaching a more emotionally stable state for him. It was the end of the third set before you managed to get him up and help him finish pulling himself together before sending him out on court with kiss to his cheek and an exchange of hopeful smiles.

You loved love.

And as you watched Bokuto score the winning point before turning to you with his finger pointed in your direction, you were beginning to think it was meant for you after all.

————————————————————————

Epilogue

Taglist (open): @staygoldsquatchling02 @tillyt04 @niiiya @silverhairsimp @/rosellerinfrost @/leonphi @/lunamochii

[stonedcoldfoxtarot]

How you will step into your rich bitch era + advice

Pile 1 -> Pile 2 -> Pile 3

Pile 1:

3oS, 9oP, World, 5oW, Empress (AoW)

I see that some of you may have recently experienced a setback in your career or personal life that was mostly outside of your control. For many of you, this may have been in the form of an unexpected job loss or an expensive and contentious divorce or separation. However, I see this situation as a blessing in disguise because whatever you lost had already outgrown its usefulness in your life. For many of you, this misfortune has already led to an unexpected material gain and an increased feeling of self-confidence in your ability to stand on your own two feet. If not, I see this set back being short lived, as you are now well on your way to stepping into your winning season.

Deep down you know the world is yours, and from here on out I see you will be working to achieve a level of self-mastery that allows you to realize all of your goals. Some of you may decide to work in the field of Project Management or Marketing and PR, while others of you may be interested in careers that involve lots of international travel or relocating to a different country. I see that whatever path you choose Pile 1, you have the determination and fortitude to take on the competition and still come out on top.

For a few of you, I feel you could also be fighting with yourself or feeling divided about which direction to take next. You have a lot of different skills that could take you in completely opposite directions and you might be struggling to focus on or pick just one option. However, I see that once you figure out which path to choose you will move forward with determination until you reach a life that resembles the one you’ve always dreamed of. Whatever you decide to do, keep moving forward Pile 1 because it only gets better from here!

Advice: 9oP

Always remember that you have full control over your financial abundance and success. Start cultivating your dream life by building upon the work you have already done and you will be amazed at how quickly things begin to fall into place. If you’ve felt compelled to pursue a career that provides you with the freedom to set your own schedule, you are being advised to explore other options outside of a traditional 9 to 5.

Pile 2

AoW, Empress rev, Chariot, 10oP, Magician (9oP)

If you're not already self-employed, I see that many of you have a lot of creative ideas in your mind that are just waiting to be acted upon or brought to life. For some of you, I see that in the past you may have experienced periods of stagnation in your career which of course left you feeling frustrated and angry or even depressed. At some point, you may have felt rejected in your previous efforts or that others did not recognize all that you really have to offer. If that resonates, I see you are now focused on balancing your emotions surrounding past failures and regaining control over your circumstances as you dust yourself off and try your luck again. Pile 2, many of you are incredibly talented and hard working. I’m hearing that all that is needed to step into your rich bitch era is for you to confidently move forward towards the direction of your dreams, knowing that what is meant for you is already yours.

In fact, pile 2, once you find your niche or begin to put in work towards a new project or idea, I see you quickly becoming unstoppable! Many of you are visionaries and forward thinkers, possessing the strength and vitality necessary to bring your creative ideas or business ventures to fruition in a way that most others cannot. You have a natural talent for thinking outside the box, and this is what makes you so powerful. Regardless of any losses you may have faced in the past, you have all the resources and strength needed to pursue whatever you desire in this lifetime. For many of you, I see that success and abundance are right around the corner, if it’s not already here now. And if you are not self-employed or an independent contractor, I see that you will find success as an entrepreneur once you combine your creative ideas with your knack for selling, investing or bringing in money from multiple sources. I see that some of you may end up retiring early and living off of several streams of passive income or interest & residuals. Pile 2, your life has the potential to be the embodiment of the phrase “work smarter, not harder.”

Advice: Justice

Pile 2, if you have been feeling lost, confused or unbalanced in your career, you are being advised to seek out ways to bring fairness, clear-thinking and balance back into your life. Some of you may be a Libra sun, moon or rising, as represented by The Justice card, or you may feel naturally drawn towards a job or career in the legal field. Those of you who resonate with this card are powerful decision-makers who have reached perfect equilibrium between the intuitive and the intellectual mind. To step into your abundant era, focus on restoring balance in your life, especially emotional balance, so that you can allow the laws of karma to begin working in your favor once again.

Pile 3

10oP, 5oC, 9oC, 8oS, Magician (High Priestess)

Pile 3, I see that many of you have achieved financial abundance and prosperity in the past, but you may have also recently experienced financial losses or setbacks which have effected you quite deeply. Some of you may have been let go from a large company or corporation, or you feel stuck in a dead end job, trying to make ends meet as your costs rise and your savings continue to dwindle. Despite this, I see you haven’t lost hope for a new beginning, as you still really desire to live a life full of abundance and financial freedom like you did once before.

Pile 3, I see here that some of you are not recognizing your own power or that you give it away easily to those who may not have your best interest at heart. There could also be an issue with you simply wishing for things to get better instead of taking action to go after what it is you truly want. I feel this could be due to a fear of failure or of making a decision and being stuck with it. I also feel that some of you may feel stuck or trapped due to internal or external pressures, some of which might stem from your past, your childhood or the unealistic expectations set upon you by others.

However, I see that as you begin to harness the power of your mind to plan, direct and create your ideal life, things will slowly but surely begin to turn around for you. Many of you may be blessed with the ability to easily manifest your desires. Pile 3, your minds are incredibly powerful! In fact, you may be the type who has to stay mindful of your thoughts and words, as you have the power to easily speak things into existence. If you can see it in your mind’s eye, you can achieve it. (I’m hearing the lyrics to I Believe I Can Fly by R. K*lly, so maybe that song might resonate with some of you). The Magician is attributed to Mercury, and deals with communication, intellect and action, so some of you may find you are naturally drawn to careers that allow you to express your thoughts on paper or speak directly with others. You may be great at giving speeches or lectures, writing manuals and SOPs or anything that requires being good at both effective communication and teaching or motivating others. Many will see your success and look up to you in this lifetime, Pile 3. Just remember, what it meant for you will ever ever pass you by. You just have to be willing to go out there and get it.

Advice: High Priestess

Remember that all success and failure begins in the mind. You can manifest your conscious desires by harnessing the power of telepathy, clairvoyance, and intuitive communication to receive insight into your current situation. Here you are being advised to utilize your conscious mind to bring your creative ambitions to life and tap into your intuitive side to receive the answers you’re looking for, instead of manifesting from a place of fear or uncertainty.

Thanks for reading🔮✨

© 2023 stonedcoldfoxtarot. All rights reserved. Please do not copy, translate, edit or redistribute.

[candycandy00]

So I thought I’d introduce the concepts for my JJK Fairytale AU. Some of you sent in some interesting suggestions, but in the end I decided to go with the most famous fairytales that would fit. I’m already writing the first one, Gojo x Cinderella. You’ll notice some of these ideas are more developed than others. Here are the others I plan to write. 

Please vote for which one you’re most interested in! I’ll write them all but I’m curious about how much interest people have. It might affect the order I write them in. 

Geto x Little Red Riding Hood

Reader is a young woman traveling through the dangerous woods to reach a safe house. This is a kingdom ravaged by war, and she’s a medic. She has medicine and supplies that she needs to bring to a military safe house to treat some injured soldiers there, but there’s a big bad wolf (Geto) stalking her. He was an enemy soldier she saved once, now turned into a werewolf, and hungry for her in more ways than one. 

Toji x Snow White

Reader is a beautiful young woman living in a small rural village. There’s a huntsman who lives close by (Toji) who is a lot older than her, but she has a bit of a crush on him. For his part, he thinks she’s pretty but also thinks she’s too young for him (she’s like 20, he’s late 30’s). So he mostly ignores her. He’s known for being an excellent hunter and gets hired to go hunt dangerous animals in the woods. The evil queen hires him to take Snow White into the woods and kill her, but once he actually spends time with her, he might decide to just keep her. 

Choso x Rapunzel

Reader is gathering herbs in the forest and stumbles upon an old watch tower inhabited by a cute but antisocial hermit (Choso) who seems sweet and keeps talking about his brothers who are “out” and will be back any minute. She starts visiting him regularly because she likes him, but she suspects his brothers might be dead and he just can’t face it. One day she gets attacked by a wild boar and injures her ankle. Choso finds her and takes her back to the tower. She faints and wakes up to find that he’s locked her in the top of the tower and won’t let her leave, because he’s afraid she’ll leave and never come back, just like his brothers. Choso as a classic Yandere. Reader’s only plan is to grow her hair out long enough to make a rope with it to escape. 

Higuruma x Little Mermaid

Reader is a mermaid in love with a lawyer who lives in a coastal town and specializes in shipping contracts (Higuruma). She makes a deal with the sea witch and signs the contract to get human legs in exchange for her voice, but when she formally meets Higuruma, she ends up showing him the contract. He’s flattered that she did all this for him, but (like in the original story) the new legs cause her terrible pain, every step feeling like walking on glass (seriously the original story was fucked up). Will this genius lawyer be able to find a loophole in her contract and free her? 

Sukuna x Sleeping Beauty

Reader is a princess who was cursed at birth. If she ever pricks her finger on a needle, she’ll fall into a deep sleep/coma. Her parents recently died, leaving her as the young ruler. Her first step is to hire a new captain of the guard, a mysterious and powerful man rumored to be a murderer (Sukuna). She’s instantly attracted to him, and despite her obvious flirting, he rejects her everytime, smugly saying a dainty princess like her couldn’t handle him. But when she ends up pricking her finger, Sukuna recognizes the curse, and knows that she’s still aware of everything, can still feel and hear everything. And the only way to break the curse is to fuck her. 

Nanami x Beauty and the Beast

Since multiple people mentioned wanting Reader to be the Beast, I’m going for it! That’s right, Beast Tamer Nanami! Reader was cursed by a witch to be a beast (she’s still cute though, more like a lil bunny girl lol) and her royal parents are ashamed of her so they banish her to a secluded castle. Then they hire Nanami to take care of the place (and Reader). 

[kitashousewife]

rooftops

an: i just got hit with this little idea idk what's going on lmao but i was inspired by rooftops by surfaces!

pairings: timeskip!tsukishima x fem!reader

warnings: anxiety, childhood friends to lovers, food/drink and eating mentions, he is a mommas boy i decided

-

tsukishima huffs as soon as he hangs up the call, resisting the urge to throw his phone onto the breakroom chair. another apartment rejection, making that the fourth one this week. his fingers rub his eyes beneath his glasses as he accepts defeat once and for all.

after his shift today, he will be driving himself and his many boxes of belongings in his car back to his childhood home. for how long? he's not sure.

that's the worst part, in his opinion.

the lease was up for the apartment that he shared with yamaguchi. sure, he could've renewed and stayed for another year. but he just needed a change. for the last few weeks, the two boys had spent every evening researching different apartments closer to their jobs without any luck. any place that did have availability was conveniently snatched up before they could press send on the application.

kei drives home that afternoon with a weird feeling in his stomach. a mix between nostalgia and disappointment that only gets stronger as he drives into town. the late spring brought blooming trees and swaying flowers, welcoming him back home again. when he pulls into the driveway, though, he feels tired.

besides his housing search, he recently lost out on a great promotion at work. he wasn't too torn up about it until he learned that it was because he was too committed to volleyball. yet another time when his interests and reality butted heads. he's been having some tougher practices lately, exhausting his body as well as his mind.

"hi mom," he mumbles, ducking his head as he opens his car door. "i'm sorry about all of this. i'll be out as soon as i can."

his mom only smiles, reaching in to grab a couple of his boxes.

"you can stay as long as you would like. besides, how lucky am i to have my son home again?" she kisses his cheek while he bends down to grab a few things, and he shakes his head despite the smile tugging at his lips.

"what happened with this last place?" she asks, setting the boxes down in his childhood room, dusting her hands off.

"who knows. they called me during my break but they didn't give a reason," kei sighs. the weird feeling bubbles in his stomach once more as he takes in his old room. "at this point i think they have it out for tadashi and i."

"maybe it just isn't meant to be!" his mom says over her shoulder as they go downstairs for the last few things. kei rolls his eyes at that. ever the optimist, his mom.

"how is she?"

he shuts the door to his car and rolls his eyes once more, but this time his mom just laughs.

"she's fine. still working, i suppose."

as soon as the two of you started dating, kei tried his best to keep his mom in the dark in hopes of avoiding her teasing. it didn't work, of course, she found out the day of from your own mom.

the one downside of being childhood friends.

it had only been a few weeks, navigating the now romantic side of your relationship, but everything felt right. it felt safe.

"you should have her over tonight! i would love to see her."

"i'm sure you would," kei says from behind his water glass. "she's probably tired, though. maybe this weekend."

his mom blinks at him from across the kitchen counter.

"what."

"you haven't told her."

he throws his head back. "no, mom, i haven't. what am i supposed to say? oh by the way i moved back in with my mom?" when he sits upright, he's met with a bowl of pork and rice.

"kei, you're being ridiculous. for one, you guys have known each other for what, fifteen years?"

"seventeen."

"fine, seventeen years. she's probably been here more times than you could count. plus, you and i both know she wouldn't say anything. she loves you no matter what."

as he chews, he thinks that his mom is probably right. but what if she isn't? besides, what woman wants to be with someone that still lives with their mom?

"i think i'm going to unpack. thanks for the food mom."

he trudges up the stairs, looking at the photos that line the walls. framed school portraits, other small photos like the one of him and akiteru in the backyard with superhero capes, and of course the framed photo of you and kei at the school dance your third year. when he gets into his room, he flops onto his bed the same way he did a few years before. he lifts his head to look out the window and smiles.

are you off work? i'm at my moms if you want to stop by.

he stares at the ceiling for a few minutes, contemplating unpacking when you text back.

i would love to :)

you got off work around 5, stopping at your place to change when kei texted you. your apartment is only a short walk from your old neighborhood, so you decided to enjoy the nice weather and walk over.

while you walked, you thought about how far the two of you had come. growing up in the same neighborhood with moms who became best friends meant you spent a lot of time with kei and akiteru. running through the sprinkler while your moms gossiped over lemonade, trick or treating with tadashi, and of course birthday parties. your friendship continued through school and college, late nights sprawled out on the couch while tadashi and kei held smash tournaments, sunday afternoons studying at your kitchen tables, and of course volleyball games.

you laugh to yourself, thinking about how your teenage self would react to hearing that the two of you are now dating, not just friends but something much more. magical and comfortable all at the same time.

"hey."

you look around the front of the tsukishima home, but your boyfriend is nowhere to be found.

"up here."

"kei? what the heck are you doing?"

sitting on the flat part of the roof beneath his bedroom window, your boyfriend leans back on his elbows. sitting in the same spot the two of you have sat hundreds of times before.

"what took you so long? that snail at the end of the driveway made it three laps around by the time you got here."

"i walked. what are you doing up there?"

he smirks. "come up and find out. mom knows you're coming."

you walk in through the front door, greeted by his mom before running up the stairs and to the right.

"what's the surprise?" you climb out of his window, grabbing his hand that he offers you before sitting down.

"nothing. just wanted to sit up here. the sun should be setting in a bit."

you hum. "what's brought you to your moms?"

kei doesn't say anything, but he grabs his hand in yours. his lack of response makes you raise an eyebrow.

"kei?"

he sighs. "i moved back in," his voice is quiet and mumbled, but he stares straight ahead. the sunset light making his freckles stand out on his cheeks. you're sure his eyes are bright and golden, but he wont look at you.

"well, you'll be closer to me," you nudge his side and he snorts, still looking forward. "but that's okay. wanna talk about it?"

"there's not much to say," he turns to you now. you can tell he's embarrassed. his cheeks are a little pink, matching the tips of his ears. he lets out a tired sigh. "our lease was up, but every single place we applied to has turned us down. we had to be out of there so i came home," like a child dies on his tongue. you're playing with his fingers in your lap.

"and tadashi?"

kei smiles. you can't help but wonder about your friend. you've always been this way, worrying about everyone else first.

"he's staying at his parents as well."

he feels extremely relaxed, every nervous feeling dissipating as the sun sets. his mom was right, but he'll never tell her that.

"how long are you staying?"

his fingers take his glasses in hand, twirling them for a second before turning to you. a sight you don't see as often as you'd like.

"until i find somewhere to stay is my guess. a week, maybe more. i just hate this," he covers his eyes, now laying back fully against the shingles of the roof. "seriously embarrassing."

"says who?"

he peeks at you through his fingers. "everyone."

you stare ahead towards the sunset again. your thoughts go back and forth for a minute or so, both of you sitting in silence. the scary thing about your relationship is the same as the best thing: your history. it's amazing because you know each other so well, you've been a part of each other's accomplishments and experiences. but at the same time, one wrong move and that could all go away, turning into only memories.

"i don't think it's embarrassing. you have a mother who loves you and welcomes you home. plus, at least your mom didn't turn your room into storage like mine," you deride, earning a smirk and a snort from your boyfriend. "but if it's that big of a deal to you, why don't you just move in with me?"

you stop, mouth shutting quickly to stop any other words from flying out. your face heats up and you stare ahead, refusing to see the reaction from the man laying beside you.

he's just as shocked as you. he looks up at the pink sky for a few seconds.

"o-okay."

"what?"

he sits up slowly, leaning back on his elbows once more, before slipping on his glasses. he turns to you with a small smile.

"i mean, why not. unless you didn't mean it,"

your eyes go wide. "no, i mean it! i mean, why not. i have the space, it's just me and i have an extra room you could use as an office. plus i already have a bed, and-"

"you're messy though."

you scoff. "i am not!"

he smirks, pulling you closer to lean into his chest. "i should move in so keep an eye on you. keep you from staying up too late. besides, i'm a great roommate. you would be lucky to have me."

you laugh. "i am lucky to have you, you're right."

kei stutters for a moment, before relaxing again. he's still not used to your compliments and flirting, but he can't get enough. he squeezes you a little tighter, kissing the top of your head.

"when can i move in?"

"monday? that way you can spend the weekend with your mom?"

he hums. "i like that plan."

the two of you sit on the roof for a while longer, watching the rest of the sunset in peace. kei feels happier, so excited to finally have somewhere to call home. he's actually thought about this for a while, coming home to you after a long day, going to bed with you and waking up to do it all again. being there for you when you’re sad, no longer relying on facetime or a quick call.

but for now he will enjoy the weekend, pretending to be young again.

he won’t admit it, but he’s also glad to live so close to home. but he can’t let his mom hear that.

[savi0rr]

this is my first request EVER.

so I'm kinda nervous about it, but here I go!! (also, if I could be an anon, that would be amazing!!)🌺

anyway, request time!!

alr so ik the song sk8er boi by Avril Lavigne?? I've been listening 2 that a lot recently, and all I could think about was punk!stone × gf!reader where just like in the song, the person that he used to have a crush on (when he was a scrap) comes and tries to get with him because ik he's rich now. only 2 find out that he's with the reader now 🤭

PUNK AU STONE HAS MY HEART‼️‼️

(p.s. I loooove your fics, they bring joy to my whole day/s!!)

That’s Crazy!

Stone x Fem! Reader - Punk AU

a/n: I jumped in joy while reading this

≻───── ⋆🎸⋆ ─────≺

≻───── ⋆🎸⋆ ─────≺

You stood in the back stage, nodding your head along with Stone as he sung and played the guitar. You smiled, titling your head to the side. You both ed the sweat dripped down his forehead, the way his fingers ran over the strings. Your cheeks flushed. You were so caught up looking at him, that you didn’t notice him coming up to you.

“Staring much?” He asked, panting softly. He took a sip of water. “You did amazing!” You smiled, taking a napkin and wiping his forehead. He smiled, titling his head to the side. “I was getting nervous because I felt your eyes on me:” Stone teased as he leaned against you, tired. “You should write song like that.” You giggled, kissing his cheek. “I’ll be right back. I’ll go get you some food.” You said, before running off.

Stone stood in the backstage, messing with his hair. “Damn it…” He grumbled, rolling his eyes. “Stone—?” A soft feminine voice called out from the side. Stone perked up, before he took in a deep breath. “Hey.” He said dryly, looking over to the voice. A girl around your age, the girl who rejected Stone many times when he was scrap. “You look good—I mean—! You did good at out there.” The girl smiled sheepishly, her cheeks flushed. “Thanks.” Stone said, his eyes looked away from her.

“So…how have you been?” The girl asked, her hands together as she stepped closer to him. She titled her head to the side. She remembered back when he was scrap that this move would drive him crazy. But now, it was just pure disappointment. He didn’t find it cute, he found it weird that she was still doing this after all these years.

“I’ve been fine.” Stone replied, his face showing no interest. He was uncomfortable, wanting to get out of this situation. The girl only giggled at his expression. “My friends never approved of you. No one did.” She said, glancing off to the side. Stone signed, rolling his eyes once again. He didn’t care, he couldn’t give two flying ducks. “Oh.” He muttered, trying to brush her off. “But—! I got some new friends…so maybe…” The girl began, walking closer to him. “We could—start over?”

By this time, you came back. “I couldn’t find any of the snacks.” You huffed, not noticing the girl who was standing off to the side. The girl raised an eyebrow, her eyes looked to where your hands went. Your hands rested on Stone’s shoulder. He looked at you, before his eyes looked back at the girl. Almost telling to you something. You raised an eyebrow before looking over.

“Oh—! I’m sorry I didn’t notice you!” You said apologetically, your eyes wide. You smiled, walking over to the girl. The girl was confused, stepping back a little. “Hey—? Sorry who are you?” The girl asked, her eyebrows twitching. You smiled, titling your head to the side. “Oh! I’m Y/N, Stone’s girlfriend.” You said, grabbing Stone’s hand and held it tenderly. That’s all the girl needed, her nice act dropped. She looked at Stone. “That’s all I needed.” The girl huffed, before she stomped away.

You blinked slowly, confused. “Why was she all moody?” You asked, reaching up and fixing up Stone’s hair. He shrugged. “Just some weird girl I had a crush on back when I was a scrap. She always told me no. I think she was only talking to me because I’m rich now.” He said, rolling his eyes.

“Her loss.”

[jen-said-that-]

'I Think Maybe You Thought It Was Something Else' - Goldfinch Analysis

I expend so much mental energy thinking about this conversation. Was Boris really being honest here? Did their encounters mean so little to him? Tartt implies it did occur at least once after he began dating Kotku, so I'm not sure his explanation about 'needing girls' holds up. How heartbreaking for Theo, who so plainly adores Boris and has had an ongoing sexuality crisis over his experiences with him for years.

I did read a good analysis about this recently, which highlighted that Boris is a person of action. He is regularly dishonest and hyperbolic in speech, but he acts authentically. Therefore, I think he shows his love for Theo in the way he outwardly behaves towards him, both in Vegas era and NYC/Amsterdam time – he kisses him goodbye, he's the one to initiate all of their physical affection in general, and let's not forget his life advice, 'stay away from the ones you love too much, those are the ones who will kill you,' right before he quite literally risks his life for Theo and was willing to die so he could escape in that parking garage.

Why the aloof attitude about their sexual history, then? What's his motivation for undermining it in this offhand, callous manner? I think there are a few possibilities. Boris is very observant, and sees Theo's discomfort with queerness plainly over the years he's know him. Think about how defensive Theo becomes even just a few minutes before this interaction when Boris asks if Hobie is is partner, much to Boris's annoyance. Or, when they were in Vegas, how put off Theo acts when Boris asked if Hobie was 'an old poofter?' (said light-heartedly by Boris, but taken rather seriously by Theo). I get the sense that Boris suspects Theo is queer and very uncomfortable with it, and so he doesn't want deal with Theo's reaction to addressing their past sincerely.

Another possibility is tied up in Theo as an unreliable narrator. We find out in this conversation that Theo said and did a whole lot that we never heard about from his perspective during the Vegas years, whether that be due to him blacking out or simply because the narrative is framed through his own internalised homophobia. Who knows what he said to Boris about their relationship at that time, blackout drunk, or how his shame and discomfort generally affected Boris? I've always thought the suddenness of Boris's attachment to Kotku strange. He seems perfectly content and fulfilled by his intimate relationship with Theo and then one day is wholly engrossed in this random girl? This could be reaching, but I've imagined that perhaps Theo's unchecked depression and shame about his sexuality became too much for Boris. Perhaps he had to disengage for his own good.

Which brings me to my final conclusion – Boris here is essentially rejecting Theo before he gets 'rejected' himself, because loving someone who is ashamed of their sexuality feels like a constant rejection. Boris has faced a lot of loss and abandonment in his own life. He clearly fears vulnerability and real, lasting intimacy (consider his inability to remain in one place very long, lack of faithfulness in his various relationships, mistrust for anything stable or safe, etc). While he may not have the internalised homophobia in the same way Theo does (he seems fairly easy going and accepting towards other queer characters), his major obstacle to being honest with Theo about how he feels is his fear of rejection and commitment which permeates his adult life. Otherwise, this conversation would just indicate that he does not feel very deeply for Theo at all, which we know is not true. The text supports requited feelings between them that never get properly addressed. One of the (many) great tragedies of this novel.

[cupids-chamber]

2023/08/23

I'll be on my way now, I'm closing down all my other blogs and ask bin. I'd prefer if no one reached out to me during this time.

I'll be active on my Wattpad account if I feel like writing from time to time, (I'd also like to finish what I started) I've also made an AO3 account, in case I post anything. I plan on posting my Concubine series & Circus au works there as well.

(More info below the undercut)

Hi! This may come of as a shock, and I try not to get too open on this blog, but a month, or so ago. I posted about how I might have DID. (I did extensive research on DID, and reached out to my cousin who had DID for help, and though I will not self diagnose, I match almost all if not all the symptoms for it.)

This Cupid persona has developed into someone of it's own, and I don't feel like I'm the same person as before, and in all honesty I genuinely don't even know who I'm anymore. It's hard for me to focus on my health and mental health, along side simple tasks and even hobbies like writing which I love.

I will say coming into tumblr, the past two years caused me more harm then good. I've realized that though I came into this app being extremely s*icidal and interacting with the users here have made me feel better about myself. It has caused many negative impacts, and I can confidently say that due to me obsessing over writing on time or everyday for tumblr, I've developed an eating disorder of sorts, and recently it seems my body is rejecting food as a whole.

I love writing, and I love that people enjoy my writing, sadly it's the cause of a lot of health issues, mentally and physically. And though I still write from time to time, recently typing or writing by hand makes me feel awful and it's not like those usual burn outs.

I feel like crying as I'm typing this up, and a lot of people may call me dramatic for this but I genuinely feel a pit in my stomach when I go on this app it's not even funny anymore. This blog itself has caused me so much trouble behind the scenes, and though I'm not quitting. I most certainly can't leave something I've worked so hard on, (and this is the place where I met the few people that honestly may not know it, but probably helped stop me from offing myself.)

Like I said, I'll be on different apps, maybe once every 2 weeks or a month, but I'm trying to avoid social media, trying to pick up new hobbies, trying to gain some sort of stability in my life because I'm not stable enough to handle anything right now but like I said, I love writing and I think you guys should at least see it through on the series and tasks I've started.

I'm crying now, and I'm very grateful that you've all supported my work, and allowed me to explore my writing on this platform, I've learned a lot about this fandom. I still find it ironic that people call me a workaholic, I'm genuinely the biggest procrastinator you'll ever meet.

Thank you for supporting me, because without your support and reassurance, I might not have been here until now. Especially to some of my moots, who took the time to chat with me.

So, this is goodbye I suppose. At least on this platform, maybe not forever, but it is goodbye for the next good while.

— Signing off, cupids-chamber

[smart-dreamy]

Last night I read a trivia about the Disney studios and, today, I was in the way to the church and I had a sudden epiphany about Disney recent movies and why they look different from the old ones (yes, I’ve already reach peak daydreaming mood).

Yesterday, I discovered that in the 1990’s and 2000’s Disney company had a main studio to the “blockbuster projects” and a “auxiliar studio” in Florida (alias: a studio were Disney bosses hired creative and skilled animators and screenwriters, but never gave them full freedom to develop theirs ideas. Basically, kept them there to make sure other studios wouldn’t have an upper hand to surpass them with theirs talent. Television media does a similar thing hiring actors and hosts who are getting better audience in other channels and put them in small shows).

But, the thing was that the main studio was too busy crafting 3D animation after buying the Pixar studios; therefore, they let the Florida studio staff do whatever they wanted, and we were blessed with the Experimental Era; which only lasted till the main studio took back the reels with the 3D animation and ended the Florida studios moment of spotlight (a good part of the staff went to Dreamworks, by the way).

Even though I really love “Tangled” and “Moana” and other modern movies, and I feel they have that “Classic Disney” feel, I can’t deny that “Wish” and other recent productions don’t bring me the “feel” and today I finally noticed why: Disney can’t make movies like they did once before because Disney forgot what it is to be an outcast!

If we really think about it, we see that what we love about the old movies isn’t just the cinematography and music, it’s the empathy and warmth we feel about the main characters. I still remember how joyful I felt when watching “Beauty and the Beast” and feeling connected to Belle’s inner passion and distracted nature and to the fact she was surrounded by people who didn’t understand her dreams (nor tried to).

But, that’s only the surface level of being an “outcast”, you don’t need to be rejected from society to be an outcast. For me, the best “Classic Disney” moments of that idea is the debut scenes of the princesses in “The Little Mermaid” and “Pocahontas”. Both characters are important on theirs communities (they are daughters of the leaders and already have a steady and comfortable life), and theirs debut scenes are literally theirs absent in an important social event (I mean, Ariel didn’t care about being the spotlight of a whole kingdom that gathered just to applause her beautiful singing). That simple act of denial from both princesses already reveal theirs personalities: they have good lives, but it’s not theirs dream life. They choose to cast themselves out theirs societies, because they see they are different from theirs surroundings.

Still, being an outcast isn’t just about being “different from society”, it’s about wanting to change your life and already have tried so many times and with all your strengths and will, but still being powerless. It’s the feeling of wanting a better life and actually earning it, but never having the grasp of such life because the society or people that can help you to achieve such dreams don’t see you as fit for it.

I know (and even laugh about too) of the “Disney princess crying in the ground moment” memes and internet jokes of the old Disney movies, but that is exactly what it means to be an outcast. It means to feel trapped, alone and misjudged. You feel miserable and sad not because things don’t go your way, but because you’ve been trying and trying every day to make your life better and each day it fails, and it looks like it doesn’t matter how much you work, try and rise above your doubts and fears, you reach a moment you notice you can’t change your life. That’s being an outcast.

Being an outcast is feeling you should have a different life, but knowing it’s above your reach. It’s Aladdin singing to the lone streets, it’s Mulan crying in the rain in loneliness and shame, it’s Cinderella racing to cry in the backyard because her last hope for joy and bliss was ruined, it’s Louis tearing his notebook apart feeling worthless, it’s Ariel sobbing above the shatters of her dream life, it’s Tiana praying for a Star because she has nowhere else to turn to, it’s Rapunzel lying to Gothel as a last resource to see the lanterns, it’s Esmeralda crying and praying on the feet of a religion that isn’t even her own because her people are suffering and dying!

Being an outcast is not just about society interactions, it’s a feeling of abandonment.

When you are an outcast, you will reach a level of despair and hopelessness that you won’t be able to move on by yourself, you will need help because the effect you need in your life is above your doing. There we have the cathartic “magic intervention” in Disney movies: the Fairy Godmother, The Fa family ancestors meeting, Naveen showing up in the balcony, Ariel making a Faustian deal (a dark turn, but you got what I meant), Genie helping Aladdin, Ralph and Vanellope bonding while practicing driving and Moana following the instructions of her grandmother spirit.

Why “Wish” didn’t have these moments? Because Disney can’t understand why these moments matter, because only outcasts know how it feel to be that way.

Disney has surpassed the common level of movie industry, they already have the power over mostly of our entertainment media and I don’t exactly complain, because there’re several movies they made I do enjoy, like Marvel movies (till “Endgame”). But, it’s clear they missed theirs way with the “outcast protagonist” plots, because it’s not about quick jokes and CGI effects; it’s about audience connection and our wanting for the hero to rise above theirs trials.

Disney don’t know what it is to be powerless and miserable because they are the Big Bosses of the game! They own thousands of merchandise companies, theirs brand means a world by itself and any beginning artist would dream to work in the company.

And, we can see they are struggling with understanding the outcast’s point of view with what they did to Asha in “Wish”. Asha is not an outcast, but they wanted us to buy that idea just to fit the “Classic Disney trope”, but Asha is far from being an outcast! The whole character feels bland and superficial, because her dreams are superficial! I won’t take more lines to explain and develop how her wish for “more than this” is bland, because 3/4 of the internet already talked about it and explained it very well. But, just to prove my point, some opinions of why Wish is a failed “outcast journey”:

Asha has a loving family, a steady and respected job and she has a whole musical number singing genuinely about how much she loves her city. Yes, she felt a disillusionment with Magnifico being cynical, selfish and mean; but, it didn’t make her an outcast. The only rejection she had was from her grandfather denying to hear his wish and even the job denial wasn’t that impactful because nearly none knew about it nor expected it from her (different from Mulan, for instance) and Asha herself had no “dream” connected to being a sorcerer, she even mentions along the movie she has no knack for magic, and the only thing we can connect to her job attempt is that she wants to grant Sabino’s wish. And it would’ve been an awesome plot mover, if they had showed why Sabino was sad without his wish (yes, “A wish worth making” deleted scene, I’m looking to you, what a precious piece of art. I almost sobbed while watching that scene!).

Her “magic intervention moment” doesn’t feel deep nor emotional either, because we don’t know what she wants, she had not enough turmoils nor conflict for us to actually cheer for her Happily Ever After.

And the worst of it all is that Disney HAD A PERFECT OUTCAST PLOT ON THEIRS HANDS! And they denied the concept art plot for reasons I still don’t quite understand! Because I’ve already read thousands of Wish fanfics that used such denied ideas, and all of them rocked because they were actual outcasts stories! Like the movie should’ve been!

The only hope I still have for the future of Disney movies is that they can look with better eyes to the original ideas theirs animators make and decide to give them the spotlight they deserve. I’m really rooting for that new Era of Disney and I know they have the capacity to make stories as great as before, if they actually listen to theirs staff and understand that while they are no longer outcasts, they can make outcast stories if they give theirs employees the creativity freedom and acceptance they deserve.

[lady-wallace]

Unholy Confessions Part 1 (Hellsing)

New Hellsing fic because I fell into an Alutegra brainrot pit recently and needed to exorcise the demons. Hope you all enjoy this mess.

~~~~~~~

(Post canon AU) It didn’t take Alucard 30 years to come back but the aftermath of his success at fighting against the Major’s plan brings only confusion and longing in its wake with his new condition. Integra hadn’t intended for the aftermath of the Incident to lead to certain confessions being spoken aloud but now that they’re out in the open the two are forced to unpack their true feelings for each other.

~~~~~~~

Read on Ao3

~~~~~~~

“Is it the lack of control that makes you ill or the blood itself?” Integra asked.

Alucard looked up at her. “Honestly, I don’t know. I just know how it makes me feel not the why behind it. My body seems to want to reject it either way.”

Integra digested this information. She finally pulled the chair from his desk over and sat down, facing him.  

“Before…you had all of those souls inside of you, all the lives you had consumed.”

“Yes…”

“Where are all the souls now, Alucard?”

He sighed softly allowing his eyes to slide shut. “They are all gone. I released them into whatever afterlife they had waiting for them once I was through. It is only me now.”

Integra stared at him in shock. She had not expected that answer, but it made a lot more sense now how he had been able to escape the Major’s trap. “I did not know you could do that.”

“Neither did I.”

“Is that why you are like this then?” she asked quietly.

He chuckled wryly. “Without the souls of millions bolstering me, yes, I am weak right now.”

“I see,” she replied. “And what am I to do with a weak dog, Alucard?”

He huffed a chuckle, watching her through half closed eyes. “I understand why you’re angry, my Master. I have been a very disobedient dog, and will humbly endure whatever punishment you see fit.”

She clicked her tongue at him. “I can’t do more than you’ve already done to yourself,” she said in disgust, pointedly eyeing his bandages.

“And yet you are the only soul alive who can truly wound me.”

Integra ignored his dramatics, and any possible truth to them and finally said, “Alucard, tell me something.”

“Yes?”

“Why does my blood affect you more than anyone else’s?”

He paused, cocking his head to one side. “Why, because you are my Master. I’m bound to you. When you found me in that basement, your blood was the first thing I had tasted for a very long time. You hold power over me, so subsequently, your blood does as well.”

“I see,” Integra said slowly, then after a moment’s contemplation, “Did my father give you blood as well?”

Alucard chuckled. “Very rarely. Only once, I think, to bind himself to the contract after your grandfather’s death.”

Integra stared down at her hands. “If I were to allow you to drink my blood, do you believe it would cure this ailment of yours?”

Alucard’s eyes began to glow, the pupils dilating. “Are you offering, my Master?”

“Answer me.”

He cocked his head to the side. “I cannot say for certain, I have never…felt this way before so I have nothing to measure it by. But I do believe it will help.”

Integra closed her eyes briefly, and reached down to pull off the glove of her left hand before she shrugged out of her coat and unbuttoned her cuff. “While I find this extremely distasteful, I do not want to see you suffering, Alucard.” She rolled up her sleeve to expose her forearm. “So you may have some of my blood, but only a little.”

[mangora]

So I haven’t been fulfilling my obligations as resident Scike enjoyer recently and I finally have a night with no coursework due, so here’s a meta analysis post about my interpretations of Scott and Mike’s characters, primarily as told through their relationship with one another. This isn’t necessarily accurate, some of these are definitely reaches or headcanons with little basis in reality, it’s not like a serious essay; this is just for fun since I find their relationship (or I guess, my idea of their relationship) fascinating 👍

So, naturally we start with episode one, where we’re introduced to Scott and Mike as well as the other generation two characters. Scott, off the bat, is unfriendly and untrusting; even before Jo says anything, he eyes her with malcontent. Scott looks at Mike with a seemingly annoyed expression when he’s introduced next. Mike, in contrast to Scott, is smiling and taking in the view. Scott notices immediately when Zoey nudges him and stares at her arm; I don’t think this demonstrates any sort of feelings for Mike on Scott’s part, yet at least, but rather it seems to display his social awareness. He’s already trying to gauge both Mike and Zoey’s personalities and dynamic— he could also be judging them, or a mix of that and the aforementioned gauging. Regardless, Scott’s already shown to be suspicious of others.

Meanwhile, Mike’s shown to form an attachment right away, specifically to Zoey. Their very minor interaction causes him to smile and espouse that the view is beautiful, though he’s obviously regarding her. This causes him to let his guard down, along with Zoey, which leaves both susceptible to being shoved out of the way by Lightning. Take note of this, as Mike’s desire to form stable relationships becomes a hallmark of his character. The dichotomy between Scott being untrusting when he should be and Mike being trusting when he shouldn’t be will become a running theme as well.

The next time we see them both is after the intro, when Scott refuses to help Cameron and calls him a “spaz”. This is contrasted with Mike being too kind with Zoey when they should be helping Staci out of the water, which causes him to be pulled underwater by her and could have led to them both drowning. This not only aligns with our theme of trust vs lack thereof, but also Mike’s goodwill vs Scott’s lack thereof again. It seems that what Scott needs, Mike supplies to a harmful excess; however, as we will touch on later, both of these incidents with Mike only occurred when there was another person there (Zoey) who he sought to impress or bond with. Right now all of these exist in an unjoined microcosm, but once again, scenes like this repeat throughout the season. 

Another scene worth noting is Mike’s confessional directly after. Mike’s already attached himself to Zoey, admiring her kindness and immediately jumping to the idea of a relationship with her. We’ve already established that Mike wants human connection, but here we also see the added element of insecurity; he already fears rejection for his “quirk”, which we will later discover is his DID (called “Multiple Personality Disorder” in the show; I am not fucking calling it that). He doesn’t state it to the audience yet, showing that maybe he’s not as trusting with people who he can’t directly connect with; even though he probably knows that he will inevitably be outed to them, for lack of a better term. Since he’s insecure about this, and because he says he hopes his “condition doesn’t ruin anything for [him] again”, we can draw the reasonable conclusion that Mike’s probably been rejected for his DID before, whether by potential romantic interests or by his peers more generally (with the added context of season five this could also be referring to how Mal got the system sent to jail, but honestly I’m not sure if the writers planned that far in advance so we’re not really gonna talk about it). It could also be possible that one of Mike’s motives for joining the show, besides the money, was to make friends or find a partner in a new group of people who didn’t know this detail of his life, and to do that by hiding his DID. Once again, this will seem like less of a reach as we continue to see this pattern unfold; it’s good to establish now the idea that Mike is heavily concerned with interpersonal relationships and self-image so we can continue compounding on that thesis as we go on. 

Next time we see either Mike or Scott is on the beach. Staci is talking about her family and Mike is obviously ignoring her in favor of looking at Zoey. This shows that while Mike is nice, he might not view everyone as an equal opportunity for human connection; he gets attached to Zoey instantly and regards her above everyone else, quick to establish a clear-cut and intense relationship in his mind with someone he barely knows. When Zoey even implies that they could become friends, he appears overjoyed. He’s so excited, and for what? Put a pin in this. 

Our focus shifts back to Scott briefly in the team formation scene before the first challenge. Scott and Lightning smile at each other (or maybe generally? It’s unclear if Scott’s looking at him) as they’re put on the same team. His smile fades when Brick shouts “Sir, yes sir!”, but rather than looking maybe annoyed or angry, he looks uncharacteristically concerned. His smile returns when B shoves Brick, then changes to annoyance when B’s put on his team. There are two major explanations for this. The first and most likely is that Scott’s scoping out his teammates and competition; he’s happy that Lightning’s on his team because he’s not very smart, then concerned and happy again when Brick’s put on the other team because he’s loyal and physically capable, and then he’s upset that B’s on his team because B’s intelligent and looks (is?) strong/fast. However, on the other hand, Scott’s expressions seem oddly earnest, especially considering how he behaves throughout the rest of the series. Maybe he’s secretly glad that Lightning’s here because he enjoys his company. Something that really caught my eye was Scott’s concern for Brick. Brick’s obviously military (likely due to family circumstances), and in season five, we learn that Scott’s dad is ex-military. Scott might be slightly worried because he knows what the military is like, or what military parents are like. We’ll talk more about Scott’s potential home situation later, but I dunno, something about him in this scene seems weirdly tame considering how he is normally; he seems oddly worried and not about the right people, like all things considered it would be best for his plan if his team was weak but he seems constantly annoyed by the additions of people like Dakota and Sam. 

Skipping over more of Scott being annoyed at people and Mike being anxious, when the teams get their names, Mike is the first to ask about the references to chemical waste. Though he’s very likely one of many to notice this, the fact he asked first and without hesitation shows that he’s both worried and quick to observe things. He continues to appear concerned by the growling of the “monster”, but seems to hold back from showing this, staying still with a worried expression. He might be trying to keep it cool to protect his image; or, maybe he’s trying to keep others from worrying as well, considering that Cameron’s already freaking out. When it gets closer, he holds Zoey in his arms. He has an urge to protect those he cares about, even if he has little reason to care about them yet. 

Later, during the actual challenge, while Jo and Anne Maria are outwardly annoyed by Brick, Mike tries to politely state that this isn’t working. This is the point at which Chester fronts; we learn later that Chester most commonly fronts to deal with frustrating situations. Mike himself cannot express frustration for whatever reason, likely because he’s afraid to. Meanwhile, Scott does his first confessional, where he states that he has a plan that’s sure to take down B (and implied to take down everyone else as well). Scott’s overly confident and expresses frustration with the gleeful notion that all will be handled eventually. Shortly after, Scott smiles as he and the other Toxic Rats overtake the Mutant Maggots; this is odd, as we will later find out that Scott wants his team to lose. This could be an example of him trying not to play his cards too early, but later it becomes apparent that Scott’s quick to snap when he’s upset. Was he perhaps earnestly excited to win as a team and had trouble masking that as well? Perchance (I can just say perchance, because it’s my meta post, and I do what I want). 

It’s worth mentioning now that we’ve covered episode one that Mike and Scott have somewhat inconsistent characterizations; as the series goes on, Mike is more prone to show annoyance or outbursts of fear, while Scott rarely shows genuine happiness when his plans aren’t working out. This could be a result of changing writers, a lack of ideas for one or both of them, or simply them changing and adapting to the game. Make of that what you will; I’ll try to explain things to the best of my ability and puzzle them together in a cohesive analysis, but shit’s a bit wonky. 

In episode two, we finally hear Scott’s plan: he’s intent on making his team lose the challenges to “lull the other team into a false sense of security, then pick them off one by one”. This is an interesting concept, considering how fucking stupid it is: if Scott loses most or all of his team and the Maggots continue working together, that security will become real, they will dominate him and any allies he might form (which he does not seem intent to do), and he will lose near immediately unless he’s already planning on how to split them up, assuming any of them would fall for his tricks. However, Scott himself is a little dumb, so this is fitting. He’s so unwilling to work with other people that he seems to have tricked himself into thinking that he can do anything by himself and manipulate people with no outside help. This is unrealistic, and gives the viewer a perfect insight into Scott’s antisocial and bleak worldview. He’s so unwilling to trust people that he hasn’t even figured out how to fake a relationship with any of them for his own benefit. 

In the scene where the teams are walking to the Bay of Dismay, Zoey and Mike have their first proper conversation, and it is approximately thirteen seconds long. Zoey brings up Total Warriors Two, and Mike is pleased that she knows about it. He states that if she likes kickboxing as well, he might have to marry her. First of all, film-enjoyer and kickboxer Mike real as fuck; but more importantly, this is another example of Mike attaching himself to Zoey incredibly quickly and incredibly closely. He’s desperate to be liked by her, desperate to be inseparable from her even. Unlike Scott who’s pushing everyone away without a plan, he’s seemingly nudging closer to someone without a plan or a concern for her actual, well, personality. I don’t think this is manipulative or weird at all, to be clear; and Zoey was likely trying to relate to him because he also clearly enjoys his company. It’s just endlessly intriguing how he’s already endeared herself to her. 

Once the game actually begins and the Maggots are asked which one of them wet their pants, Mike’s the one to pipe up with surprise, almost making fun of the person in question. Knowing that Mike’s afraid of his own secrets being revealed in this challenge, this clues us in that, while Mike might not have bad intentions, he does partake in judging (and depending on how you interpret his words, shaming) people for their own secrets. He might, to a degree, lack social knowledge (“this might make the person uncomfortable” etc.), empathy, or both. In this right, he’s somewhat selfish. Throughout the season, actually, he continues to show inklings of selfishness, even if they aren’t born out of malice. 

After this, the Rats are dunked into the water. Scott’s bitten and dragged out of the stands by Fang, and his team does nothing to rescue him. This upsets Scott, who then refuses to do the rest of the challenge. While this might be part of his plan to lose, it seems that Scott was genuinely upset and offended; he expected his team to help him when he would never do the same for them. More selfishness. Anne Maria seconds Scott, and Mike’s quick to join her since he’s worried about his own secrets being discovered— something that he insists to them isn’t true. I don’t have to explain this, I don’t think; Mike and Scott are alike in their selfish desires for preservation. The thing is that Mike backs down after Jo becomes upset with him, while Scott carries on. So Mike does care about avoiding conflict and being invulnerable to his whole team, but with Zoey specifically, he needs to be liked; not just regarded with neutrality, which appears to be his goal with other people; and he is afraid of being judged, or seen in a negative light.

During the challenge, Scott attempts sabotage for the first time, which fails. He tries to keep the rat from B, and is outwardly antagonistic towards him, which could have easily been used against him. This is another action that Scott seems to take strategically, but barely considers the consequences of. He just needs to be mean, apparently; he can’t control the urge to sabotage or insult, even when it would hurt him.

In the same challenge, Cameron catches Svetlana fronting, and asks Mike about it, which he denies entirely. The Maggots win, which Scott, again, seems genuinely upset about. This is where I’m laying out my theory officially that Scott takes these losses personally but is convincing himself that they’re sacrifices, rather than him genuinely not caring because it’s part of his plan. Maybe he knows that he could be on the chopping block every time and is bracing himself; maybe he enjoys winning each individual challenge for a sense of glory but won’t admit it to himself because it doesn’t work with this bullshit Lone Wolf plan he has. Either way, this brings us to episode three.

In episode three, Sam flings his breakfast into Scott’s face. Instead of pretending it’s okay, Scott throws a spoon at Sam. He then calls him a wimp for complaining about his food. Aside from this being another example of Scott being unable to mask his feelings for the greater good, this leads into the point of Scott’s home life. Total Drama as a series is full of bits that are normal in its cartoon universe, but are disturbing or terrifying taken in a real-world context; look no further than the season’s baseline concept of “we put teenagers on a nuclear island”. Scott living on a dirt farm is one of these things; having to eat dirt is bad in a literal context, and worse when adding the idea of it being a metaphor for not having food to eat. Scott is, quite literally, dirt poor; we’ll talk more about his audition tape later, but in it, we also see that Scott’s house is infested with rats and in a state of complete disarray. In season five, we learn that his father is ex-military and his mother’s a waitress; and since they own a farm, they did or do have two jobs. Scott’s also generally a country boy stereotype, and country folk aren’t exactly known for being well-off. We can almost guarantee that he grew up in a rough economic situation, and has ways of coping with or appreciating it while still working fervently to escape it. Take that for what you will.

Following this scene, Mike admits to the audience that he has DID with a shameful tone. He rushes to explain that he tries to control his alters, as if he needs to or should, but that they don’t listen to him. Mike not only lacks control, but is also attempting to control genuine other people, all for them inconveniencing him and making him worry about being judged. This is another point at which we must acknowledge that Mike is selfish, but also selfish with a sympathetic purpose; he doesn’t want to be judged, and doesn’t want to be alone. When confronted by Jo about Svetlana, he lies and says she’s a character, but fails to actually mimic Svetlana. He’s either a bad actor, doesn’t know Svetlana that well, or both. 

During the first half of the challenge, Scott shouts at Lightning to shut his mouth, once again showing how hard it is for him to hide his true feelings. Meanwhile, Mike helps Zoey up a ledge instead of helping himself, showing that he knows when to actually be selfless as long as it benefits someone he cares about. Once again, we go back to Scott as the Rats win the challenge; and Scott is visibly and audibly upset. He doesn’t bother hiding it now, so why would he before? Another point for the “Scott is genuinely excited to win/mad about losing” theory. When his team is mad at him for picking the bad snow fort, Scott acknowledges that this is bad, but rationalizes that it’s part of the plan. Dude, he has no fucking idea how this plan is going to work, does he?

Now we get to the point where Mike finally acknowledges Scott, and tells Zoey to watch out because Mike thinks he’s “psycho”. Mike is the first person to bring up how Scott’s acting irrationally or untrustworthy verbally; and considering they aren’t on the same team, that means Mike must have been, at some point, watching him. As we mentioned earlier, he’s observant, and will bring something up either if he feels it’ll be uncontroversial or if he’s very concerned. Before Scott’s other team caught onto him, Mike did, and before they became cautious or seriously concerned, Mike did. Why? Does Mike have experience picking out these types of people? Was Mike, for some reason, interested in Scott either out of fear or admiration, and therefore paid closer attention to him than anybody else? Mike’s not a very strategic person in the game, but he is a bit strategic and wary socially, especially if he’s afraid of the other person not liking him. Did Mike view Scott as a threat? Maybe something more? Why? Did he recognize Scott’s selfish or secretive behaviors, maybe in himself? These are all, certainly, questions. Perchance. 

In his scene with Dawn in the snow fort, Scott argues with her about how he’s not going to listen to the snowball, and says he’s full of negative energy; this causes a snowball to explode in his face. Scott’s unwilling to listen to others, even if it spells his own downfall. After this, Dawn claims that Scott wasn’t held enough as a child, which he stops to think about and is shown to be greatly uncomfortable with in the confessional. Dawn has previously been accurate about the home lives of other players (Zoey and Dakota), so we can assume she’s right. In which case, this is “Scott has a bad home life: part two”. Scott’s parents, at some point, did not meet his emotional needs; whether this was just in early childhood or whether it stayed consistent is unclear, but it’s likely that some of his behavioral issues would have been addressed earlier if his parents were attentive following his most formative years. Because his parents didn’t show him enough affection, he likely turned to either methods of garnering attention elsewhere or through other means, diverted that attention towards desiring victory and/or control for his own self satisfaction divorced from the opinions of other people, and/or a mix of both. We can also reasonably assume that Scott’s poor home life could go beyond simply emotional unfulfillment, since Scott seems worried at the notion of her knowing that, and likely wouldn’t be as concerned if he had nothing else to hide. 

Dawn later seems to compliment Scott, calling him a “beetle whisperer”. He turns up his nose and leaves. This could be because he finds the notion of beetle whispering ridiculous, but I just like to think that Scott’s not used to getting compliments and doesn’t know how to react. Just because that’s kinda more wholesome and Dott’s kinda baller. 

At this point, B melts the Maggots’ fort, and Jo asks Mike to do the “Svetlana thing”. Under pressure, Mike begins to panic a bit, unsure of how to escape the lie he’s found himself in, almost confessing; Cameron helps Svetlana front, saving him from this situation, and Jo regards Svetlana positively. This is just important to me divorced from Scike because not enough of you talk about Jolana. Moving on, Scott notices B melting the Maggots’ fort and momentarily panics, before melting the Rats’ fort instead and blaming B; while Scott has committed sabotage and swayed the team vote before, this is the first time his sabotage has actively caused the team to lose. You’d figure he’d be celebrating, but we don’t see that. After the loss, Mike goes to the confessional and worries about Vito showing up; we can assume that Vito is the hardest to control and/or would lend the most to affecting Mike’s social life, hence why he states that the situation has gotten worse and seems so on-edge. Scott’s finally gaining control in the game, while Mike appears to be losing it. Scott convinces his team to vote for B, and lies without a problem; Scott, it seems, is good at lying through his words, but has a hard time controlling how he emotes physically. Mike is the same; when he lies or hides information, his voice and face/actions don’t seem to mirror the stories he puts together on the fly. Mike’s not a malicious liar, he in fact has every reason to lie about his condition, if you consider lies of omission to be lies at all; but if you do, he is, in fact, a liar, and it takes one to know one. My Mutual Understanding clownery is all coming together. 

In episode four, we mostly see extra examples of previous behavior from Scott: annoyance at his teammates (mainly Sam), selfishness and a lack of consideration for others (not helping Sam up and not caring when his teammates go missing), and being oddly happy over success when he shouldn’t be (excited to find the key). At this point, I began considering the possibility that Scott only likes losing when he’s in control of the loss. To fail when he’s trying to succeed obviously frustrates him, but to fail when he’s trying to fail is a success at failing. In less words, it's the need for power and control, again. Maybe he likes to win sometimes for entertainment, or a sense of accomplishment; he might just do it because he can sometimes. In which case, Scott’s a bit more unpredictable than first thought; he does things largely with one goal in mind, but can push that goal off or come up with other shorter term objectives whenever he feels like it. He’s consistently driven, but the thing he’s driving towards is subject to fluctuate when he gets bored or competitive or wants to feel in control.

On the Maggot side, Mike and company are obviously unhappy with and wary of Jo, but none of them say anything. Mike does, however, tell Cameron that he did a good job. It’s possible that after the last episode, when the two worked together along with Zoey to get up the hill, Mike has started seeing Cameron as another potential friend, as he rarely interacted with Cameron before, and we know they will continue to interact more in future episodes. Zoey says he’s “always encouraging Cameron”, implying that he does this off-screen as well, since (correct me if I’m wrong) this is the first time Mike has directly encouraged Cameron specifically. Mike says that Zoey’s all he thinks about when he’s in control, then laughs nervously, as if he’s afraid this joke is too personal or unrelatable or odd. When Zoey goes missing, Mike notices immediately, and begins to panic; the person he’s most attached to here, his only real friend right now, has just left him alone, and the anxiety is all-consuming. He’s worried about her, and probably also scared of being left alone with the rest of the team, who he’s not as close to. I’m going to draw the line here and say that I think Mike might have social anxiety, just in my personal opinion as someone who also has social anxiety. He’s hyper-aware, afraid of what others think of him, and heavily attached with one or two people. He’s also, apparently, very loyal and protective. He abandons the rest of the group to find Zoey despite the challenge, and is relentless when looking for her in a way that no one else in the challenge has been or will be later.

When Brick goes missing, Mike is concerned for him, as are Cameron and Anne Maria; it’s unclear whether this is because they care for him, they’re scared of missing as well, or a mixture of the two. When Anne Maria stands up to Jo for having a bad attitude, Mike also finds the courage to join her. Having someone who’ll agree with him or make the first move once again gives him a sense of confidence to voice his opinion and, assuming he had Brick in mind like Anne Maria, defend the people he (possibly) cares about without as much fear. Shortly after, he injures himself looking for Zoey; once again, he puts those he cares about above himself, but himself over the layman. 

After Vito fronts for a while, Mike suddenly takes over when he hears Zoey cry out for help and attempts to save her instead of winning. His care for others (Zoey specifically but he could generally be concerned for everyone considering the state of affairs [big spider]) triumphs his need for victory, which again lends credence to the theory that he’s on Total Drama for social reasons more so than monetary ones. In the meantime, Scott’s unabashedly upset about winning the challenge, but again, appears concerned for Brick when he begins crying. When Brick’s switched to the Toxic Rats, Mike, Cameron, and Anne Maria are visibly shocked and upset, showing that they probably did genuinely care for him, making it more possible that loyalty to Brick factored into him standing up to Jo earlier.

In episode five, we start with Scott having a nightmare about a shark (Fang). He’s soon woken up by Brick’s alarm clock, though he’s not grateful for this; in fact, he begins punching the alarm clock as a demonstration of what he’s going to do to Brick later. Is it possible, then, that Scott would rather live in a nightmare, a place of strife and fear, than in a reality where he’s experienced a harmless transgression? Per freaking chance. Shortly after, Scott begins stealing from other players to frame Brick. It’s unclear whether this is because he’s mad at Brick for the alarm clock incident, or whether he recognizes Brick as a weak link on the team. Either way, this is probably the most premeditation we’ve seen from Scott, as his plan continues to develop throughout the episode, versus how he normally takes an action right after coming up with it to immediate success or failure. 

During the challenge, Scott tells Brick to prove his loyalty to the team. There are many reasons he might have done this. One is because it’s simply fun to him; he might like seeing Brick squirm. Another is to gauge his actual loyalty and scope out his strengths/weaknesses to exploit them later. Once again, this could be a combination of the two; Scott doesn’t think highly of Brick, but he seems amused by him being a “doofus”. And after this, we see another instance of Scott ragging on someone (Sam) for being bad at the game despite that working to his advantage. It’s probably another instance of hubris: something along the lines of “I could do better than that; I won’t, but I could”. 

Back to Mike, we see an example of him outright lying. Once again, I don’t blame him or necessarily think this makes him a bad person, but he is outwardly dishonest with Zoey when he claims that he just “gets so deep into character that he [doesn’t] know what [he’s doing]”. He promises to stop playing characters if Zoey wants him to, even though he can’t do that, and tells her she’s the most amazing girl in the world. His love for Zoey triumphs over his logic and planning for the future. He’s so desperate to be loved by her that he doesn’t even consider how to make that happen. This is similar to how Scott’s hatred for people or situations trumps his ability to consider consequences, as seen in episode three especially but also throughout the series. Both of them, despite trying to remain calculated and in control, are often so blinded by their emotions that they act or speak on a whim. 

It’s at this point that I must inform you that I forgot that Scott accused Brick of stealing while he was underwater, making that his motivation for sending Brick down there. However, I do stand by the point that Scott’s also a bit of a sadistic little freak and just likes being mean, because he is. Sailing along, I also find it interesting how Scott has to whittle when he starts getting bored; another addition to the point that he’s impulsive at times. And returning to Mike, Dawn claims that Mike “likes her a lot” and “it’s all over his aura”. And now it’s at this point that I am becoming increasingly aware that Mike’s kind of just Zoey’s plus-one in terms of characterization and this post is pointless in that right, but I’ll be damned if I don’t stretch his actions thin enough to give him an actual personality, and then do the same for Scott, and then make them yaoi out. Mike’s a person that cares so deeply for people that it permeates his aura, the very essence of his being; his priority is to love people (Zoey) and be loved by people (Zoey). 

When Scott finds out that his team got the better boat, despite wanting to lose, he doesn’t miss the opportunity to call them “suckers”. Once again, Scott’s goal is glossed over in favor of being a huge bitch to others. This reminded me of how, similar to how Mike’s a lover and wants to be loved, Scott’s a hater, and I think he might want to be hated. When you think about it, Scott hasn’t done a single kind thing to anyone on the island. He’s never upset when people dislike him, and takes every opportunity to be mean or sarcastic. When he does display a positive emotion, he never tells anyone or joins them in expressing it. Scott seemingly detests having positive relationships, perhaps because he’s simply annoyed and inconvenienced by them, but also perhaps because he’s afraid of losing them or feeling like he’s at the whims of another person’s emotions and wills. And in the end, as we know, Scott’s negative relationships will be his downfall, just like how Mike’s unwillingness to break his positive relationships will be his (as well as, y’know, Scott meddling). While it’s probably unintentional, they’re pretty decent foils for one another. 

We get another Scott lore drop when he says that he’s been shooting kitchen rats with his Pappy since he was six. I’m not sure what to make of this really, I just think it’s kind of fucked up to have your kid shoot rats but like I also didn’t grow up in a hunting area so maybe that’s normal and not psychologically damaging. Later, Dawn tells Scott not to fire anymore goals, and he does anyways, to her annoyance. Scott has to know Dawn is suspicious of him, but he can’t resist pissing her off. See, he needs to make people mad; maybe he does this often, maybe he just wants to be on someone’s mind even if it's negative. He eventually tries to get smart about it and he does get her voted off later, but like, hello. This fucking guy. Even though Scott dislikes Dawn, however, he stops Jo and Anne Maria from hurting her after he frames her for stealing. Either he revels in her misery, or he secretly cares about her a bit; this is supported by the fact that she was the only person he didn’t talk about voting off his team in episode four. Anyways, back to Scott being stupid, he openly brags about his knock-off idols as well, when that’s super suspicious; like he really needed to rub salt in the wound that badly. Dawn even refers to him as soulless and sociopathic, and she’s not wrong. He’s so unconcerned with the wellbeing of others, as well as himself. It seems that nothing truly matters to him in the long term, so long as he continues meeting his short term victories in pursuit of what I believe to be an excuse rather than an actual reason. I think that rather than calculating his actions beforehand, Scott acts and creates a justification later, or a justification he can routinely add to. It seems that Scott might’ve picked the Rats because they were close and therefore easy targets. It would make more sense than his actual “plan”. He hurts people and tries to convince himself that he knows why when he probably doesn’t, which is awful but also somewhat tragic. He might not have a real sense of priorities or identity, but tricks himself into thinking otherwise to, once again, give himself more control. Does this make sense? Whatever, we’re like 5763 words in, it doesn't matter anymore. 

Back to party sciking, in episode six, we see the formation of Team Men with Scott, Brick, and Lightning (and later, Sam). Scott’s finally making allies, and he doesn’t seem too upset about it. I think this might clue us into the idea that Scott does want positive relationships, but maybe doesn’t consciously understand that. He doesn’t fight Brick or Lightning on this when he normally would. Later, before the challenge, Mike tries to compliment Zoey, and in the confessional, she tells him to pick a side. And I feel like if you twist that enough we can get into bisexual territory, but I digress. Mike’s upset at his alters for ruining his relationship with Zoey, and while that’s true, he totally forgets to take into account that his alters are also people who also deserve access to the body. It’s more important to Mike that he gets what he wants rather than his alters get what they want, and above all, it's important that he maintains a firm grasp on his life with little to no interference. But he doesn’t seem aware of the fact that his alters are people. It’s almost like the personhood of someone can be diminished in service of his goals, and that he can cognitively distance himself from his actions if they become too (for lack of a better word) scary for him. This might sound familiar because it’s kind of what Scott does as well. They both hurt people in order to get what they want, it’s just that Mike’s unaware that he hurts people but aware of what he wants while Scott’s aware that he hurts people but unaware of exactly what he wants. 

Zoey talks to Mike again, excited to dress a model, and despite the fact that he’s never shown an interest in fashion, Mike smiles. This is because Zoey’s giving him positive attention again. Mf is a bit of a lapdog to be honest. Scott would probably like someone like that, who’s loyal to a fault. The vision is visioning. Anyways, Mike catches a frog, not much to add but he does do that. Fang tries to catch Scott, and Scott notices and catches him with his own trap. He’s observant. Like Mike. They observe each other. Gay style. Scott also grins when Brick proposes a plan and creates an explosive. While Scott’s probably excited to see it blow up in his face, I like to think Scott also admires him a bit, adding to the idea that he secretly likes some aspects of his peers and just won’t express it. Mike tells Anne Maria that the maggot looks bad, which is slightly uncharacteristic of him but okay. He and Anne Maria were friendly before; maybe he’s trying to pull back in service of making Zoey feel better. He’s kind of destroying this sort-of friendship because he likes Zoey so much. Adding to this, he appears excited when Zoey says she wants to dress the maggot. He appears nervous when Jo argues with Anne Maria as well; whether this is because he still cares about Anne Maria despite everything or because he’s afraid of conflict/Jo is unclear. 

It’s at this point that Scott begins manipulating Zoey. Just put a pin in that. Scott and Mike stand next to each other, if that’s anything? They also move similarly, like they’re subconsciously mimicking each other. Do you understand how difficult it is to write about Scike when it's episode six and the most they’ve actually interacted is standing near each other and looking in the same direction? Scott’s impressed by Sam, which is nice; he actually admires something about someone. I think being around people who he subconsciously wants to be friends with is making him slightly more willing to play the game and be nice to people in his own way. He even looks concerned when the yeti throws Sam, and again when the Maggots lose, like he doesn’t want to vote anyone out. 

IT’S FREAKING TEAM SWAP TIME BABY THEY’RE ON THE SAME TEAM WAHOO!! Mike is immediately concerned, the most concerned out of the maggots. This is in part due to him approaching Zoey, but don’t forget, Mike thinks Scott’s off, he notices the things that he does and the way he behaves. Oh BABY he needs to save his friends from this guy, I smell a hero complex brewing. 

In episode seven, the teams go into the mines. About eight minutes in, Mike finds a hat and excitedly explains that he’s always wanted one, to which Scott makes fun of him for being a “hat loving loser”. This is an uncharacteristically lame insult, which makes me think that Scott already has a distaste for Mike and is looking for any reason to insult him; this is probably because he knows that Mike’s onto him, and he doesn’t enjoy the mortifying ideal of being known. And it’ll ruin his plan or whatever. Later in the challenge, when Manitoba and Cameron are separated from Anne Maria, Zoey, and Scott, Scott tries to pin the split on Mike to get him booted. We can assume that Scott sees Mike as the biggest threat on his new team. 

Later, Mike carries Cameron on his back to safety, and says that he hopes Zoey’s okay, despite him also being exposed to radiation. He thanks Cameron for coming back from him and calls him a friend. He’s just, so loyal to them, I don’t think I can say that enough. His friends mean so much to him. And I think Scott could see that and relate to it a bit, because instead of continuing to badger him, he suggests they lose the packs and find Anne Maria. The two of them, along with Zoey and Cameron, all look annoyed at Chris for not helping them, and Scott follows Mike as he leads the team to Anne Maria. I think it’s interesting that Scott stays with them even as the situation becomes life-threatening, and he even shares their surprise when the other team grabs their statue. The two of them run together to grab the statue and they both look happy to find it, even though Scott supposedly wants to lose. Maybe in this life threatening situation, they found an odd sort of comfort in and appreciation for one another, just for a brief moment. And despite knowing what Scott’s like, Mike trusts him with the statue as he runs off to save Zoey and Cameron, putting his own life in danger. This was obviously a mistake, as Scott throws it out, but for a second, it seemed like Scott was happy for him, when it was just him and Mike. 

So Mike starts literally fucking dying defending his friends. Away from Scike, back to Mike prime, he’s about to be killed by the moles, has every chance to run for himself, and his radiation poisoning is getting worse by the second. But he still stayed behind to defend them. The situation got so dangerous that he even tried to tell Zoey about his DID, before Brick saved them. And that’s just??? SO fucking bananas holy shit. He cares about them so much, I dunno what to say. That’s his defining character trait and his fatal flaw, defending others; and it works even better juxtaposed with Scott, who’s defining trait and fatal flaw is only caring about himself. Foaming at the freaking MOUTH dude. He’s got issues, sure, but man he’s so sweet, love him. After this he’s the first person to confront Chris about this not being about the statues, but rather the mine; he’s more than likely upset that Chris put his friends in danger, especially for these ulterior motives. He’s so upset on their behalf, not even his own, that he stands up to the man who almost got him killed.

After this ordeal, Cameron confronts Mike about having DID. In his fear, Mike’s quick to ask who told him that. He’s afraid, first and foremost, that other people know and are talking about him; afraid that this has made him somehow unlikable or unlovable. At the mention of being able to control it, he’s overjoyed, and immediately agrees to help get rid of Scott. Scott’s the first person outside of Mike’s system who he’s been willing to genuinely disadvantage for his own goals. So Mike does not like Scott. But I feel like it’s an oddly intimate dislike. He dislikes him so personally, understands him so thoroughly with such disdain, for such little personal transgressions, that he’s willing to throw him under the bus to regain control over his situation. That’s special in a way, Scott’s the only person Mike would do that to. And considering how Scott treats everyone with hate as a way to cover his actual wants for human connection, and he hates Mike more than anyone else on the team, I feel like it’s safe to say they have strong mutual negative feelings in a way neither of them have experienced before. In a weird way, right now, with Mike having a sway over the team, he’s kind of more in control than he’s ever been. I can’t explain it, but the way they hurt each other goes beyond average contempt to me. In real life, yes, you shouldn’t hate someone that you have romantic feelings for; but I think something like this in fiction blurs the lines with intensity in regard for one another. It’s a blending of concepts. Lois it insists upon itself, but in a fun and intriguing way. I love when characters hate each other with the intensity and obsession that other characters love each other with. 

It’s 2:40 AM and I just hit my pen so I could really lock in for these last two episodes before Mike’s eliminated but idk if it’s going to work. 

In episode eight, we start off with the teams on the rafts. Scott comes up looking anxious about getting eaten by a shark, and Mike returns the expression, and says that the shark will never find them. This could be Mike comforting himself or comforting Zoey and Cameron, but do you know what it could also be? Comforting Scott. The person he’s responding to. Mike and Scott don’t like each other, but Scott still came to Mike first, and Mike still had it in him not to shame or ignore him. Am I making a big deal out of nothing? Absolutely. 

At this point, Cameron explains to the audience what causes each of Mike’s alters to front: Vito fronts when the body is shirtless, Svetlana fronts when there’s a physical challenge, Chester fronts when frustrated, and Manitoba fronts when the body’s wearing a hat. I’m not sure what to make of Manitoba’s trigger(?), but the others make it apparent that Mike isn’t able to handle or is rarely able to handle physical challenges, frustration, or being shirtless by himself. And this is where I should talk about Mike’s trauma, probably. I’m not going to get too into things here because I’m not an expert on DID and also it could be mildly upsetting, but DID develops due to repeated early childhood trauma and different alters may be better equipped to handle certain feelings, tasks, relationships, or memories than others. Mike had to have experienced this repeated trauma and it likely had some sort of physical component, considering Vito’s triggered by the removal of the shirt and he mentions in his character bio that he doesn’t have any good childhood memories besides maybe riding his bike. This, as well as the rejection we discussed earlier, explains a lot about Mike’s personality unfortunately. He’s used to being hurt, and seeks control, stability, and love for that reason. He’s loyal and quick to form attachments because he probably didn’t/doesn’t have any at home. And he’s self-preserving and protective and aware of his surroundings because of this as well, because he has to be. We don’t know exactly what happened in Mike’s life, though there is an “Uncle Vinny” in his character bio (mentioned by Vito) and it is possible that Chester is an introject of an older relative. Regardless, it doesn’t matter. I would like to return to Scott for a moment, and renew the topic of his home life. We’ve discussed how Scott’s family probably isn’t well off, doesn’t show him enough affection, and likely never disciplined him in a way that stuck considering how he behaves. And his father encouraging him to kill rats for him doesn’t sound great either. Like Mike, it would make sense for Scott to have an unstable/unhealthy home life, and for that to translate in his characters. He also needs power over other people, he pushes away people and refuses to make friends, he has patterns of violence, and he’s fast to learn what makes people tick. 

Back to the scene, Zoey starts by complimenting Mike, which he’s excited about (need for approval, ok). However, he becomes nervous when she says it feels like he’s hiding from her. Then when Dakota starts mutating, Mike is the first to diffuse the situation by stating that her hair is growing back. He also leads the charge in pulling the sign out of the raft. After Dakota throws out the sign, Mike also says that they have to get in the water instead. When Scott reminds him about the shark and tries to refuse, Mike shoves him into the water, annoyed. It’s sort of fascinating how much more dominating Mike is in this episode compared to others. Maybe almost dying (or rather, almost losing his friends) in the mine changed him. Or maybe he has more confidence now that he’s the strongest person in his friend group and he doesn’t care what Scott thinks of him, evident by him forcing Scott into the water when he never would’ve done that to someone else. Mike, again, tells the team to stay quiet to avoid provoking the kraken. Man is going off this episode. He’s instantly annoyed when Scott starts freaking out over the shark, he’s so done dealing with this man that he can’t handle it and Chester takes over. Dude they’re soooo in hate. <3 After this, Scott is irate over his team winning, more than he’s ever been before. His feelings are so strong that he’s focusing extra hard on this faux-goal to destroy his own team. Mike’s also upset because the challenge is dangerous, “even by [Chris’] standards”, probably because the last challenge was also ridiculously dangerous and he’s worried about a repeat.

While Mike and Cameron go ahead to win the challenge at Mike’s behest, Scott talks to Zoey. He knows that Mike has a secret just by watching them, and lets Zoey in on this to manipulate her. After this, Mike and Cameron tell Zoey that Scott’s bad news in return, and she claims that he still has a heart. Mike is saddened by the fact that Zoey trusts Scott more than him, and I just think that’s such a…thing to happen. In trying to keep Zoey close by hiding his DID, he just pushed her away more, towards someone who’s so similar to him yet so different as well. We find out from Cameron that Mike fronts when Zoey’s in danger, because he cares about her that much. Scott also steals the team’s compass from Mike and frames him for losing it, blaming him if they come in last, but he fails when Dakota clears the forest of thorns. Scott keeps losing to someone who should be so easy to beat and who represents everything that he hates: kindness, loyalty, and people who stand up to him. Meanwhile, Mike’s alters are becoming increasingly hard to control, and he’s still unwilling to admit to having DID, afraid this will dissolve the relationship that’s already crumbling due to him not revealing it; he’s stuck in an Ouroboros of fear. Scott, immediately after this, seems to be mocking Mike, loudly saying to Zoey, “Would I lie to you?” Scott just knows how to push this guy’s buttons in the perfect way to piss him off. 

When Scott loses the challenge for them, Mike’s probably the most upset we’ve ever heard him, at least in my opinion. He doesn’t hesitate to let Scott know that he fucked up and that Mike thinks he’s full of shit. Mike tries to get Zoey to vote for Scott, done with this charade; Scott feels the same about playing around like this, and gets Cameron to admit that Mike has DID— but he doesn’t want Mike out yet, he wants to toy with him some more. You can see the horror in his face when Scott pulls out the idol. In order for Dakota to go home, it couldn’t have just been Zoey to vote for her, and Mike and Cameron voted for Scott, and Dakota probably didn’t vote for herself. Scott had to have either voted with her, or voted for himself for fun; but irregardless, he didn’t vote for Mike, even though he’s clearly Scott’s biggest target. He doesn’t just want Mike out, but wants to use him first, something we haven’t seen before. And yes, this is because Scott’s a bad person, and taking advantage of his weaknesses; but having his weaknesses known and used by someone would be a sort of ideal scenario for Mike, despite also being his literal nightmare. He doesn’t have to hide from Scott at all, Scott’s probably the only person that Mike can fully be mad at and confront about that anger. Which is very fucked up, but also oddly close, I guess. It’s a unique relationship, it’s interesting to me. The mortifying yet somewhat comforting ideal of being known going both ways. Toxic yaoi. Hate as an allegory for love. Y’know, the usual. 

The toxic yaoi continues in episode nine baby, we freaking made it. The first line that catches my eye (or ear I guess) is “Multiple Mike thinks he’s a ladies man, what a loser”. First of all, reeks of gay thoughts and unaware jealousy; but second of all, notice how Scott and Mike continuously get more and more openly aggressive with one another. They’re falling into a routine with it, almost. 

This is where Scott introduces the deal— AKA, starts blackmailing Mike to help him win the challenge. Mike’s incredibly upset, and even considers telling Zoey about his DID, but is ultimately still too afraid. He’d rather be used than be abandoned. During the challenge, Mike tries to quip back at Scott for telling him to look in the broom closet, but retracts it when Scott threatens to tell Zoey. He tries to look tough to Scott, but fails. And when Zoey’s in trouble, Scott refuses to let him help her, in favor of making him go through the trash. Like with everyone, Scott likes to see Mike squirm, but I think he’s best at it with Mike, and the most enthusiastic about it too. 

I’d also like to mention here that Mike just kind of gives up and lets Scott pick him up and carry him. Just saying idk you know when you just pick up some guy who you hate instead of making him actually fight for you or run in front of you or whatever. Mike also snarks Scott when his car doesn’t work, which, ok, go off King. Mike finally stands up for himself to help Zoey, the desire to protect her stronger than his fear, but Scott remembers how to trigger Vito to front and uses this to his advantage. 

So, at this point, Vito gets clobbered and Mike has the fight with his alters, and it’s soooo bad, it’s so bad dude. They’re all fighting for control as if the moral isn’t that they should work together, it’s ridiculous, but I guess it also makes sense for Mike to be pushed to this considering everything? Glossing over this, anyways, Mike finally comes clean to Zoey and explains that he didn’t want Zoey to think badly of him. And I know everyone hates this scene, I hate this scene, “multiples just means there’s more Mike to —” yeah yeah yeah yeah fuck off idc that’s not how it works. But at least I think it does help draw a final parallel between Mike’s relationships with Zoey and Scott along with Scott eliminating him. Mike’s able to pursue his loving relationship with Zoey through her finding out about his closest secret, and Mike and Scott similarly are able to freely insult each other and develop this toxic almost-codependent-but-Scott’s-way-worse relationship because they also know each other, they know they’re hiding something and they’re familiar with each other’s personalities because hate drives them to look so deeply into each other. Mike gains Zoey and loses his dynamic with Scott, and vice versa, back and forth. These relationships can’t coexist, both because they’re so polarizing but also so similar in their intensity. 

I didn’t watch the entirety of episodes ten through thirteen because it’s 4 AM and this is a Scike post, a 9274 word Scike post. But I did scrub through them and I would like to throw out there the Icarus imagery in episode ten when Zoey burns Scott for what he did to Mike, like Scott got too close to the sun or too in over his head, and Mike was his ultimate downfall. I’m also just going to skitter on past the “Mike makes fun of Scott while he’s in the trauma chair” because what the fuck. What was that.

The relationship between Mike and Scott in canon is, admittedly, less significant in canon than it is in my head, and less well-written and intriguing than I pretend it is, and it’s not healthy, and no matter how I spin it they never actually made up or understood each other in a major tangible way. But I think they should have. I think having them be characters who begrudgingly understand each other and care for each other in a way they don’t acknowledge or even recognize would give them some much-needed depth and maybe consistency. Scott in canon has no close relationships, and the two that Mike has weren’t necessarily great throughout the season even though I like to think that they are. It would be good for them. Adding a few more layers to each of them would explain a lot about their goals, their mannerisms, the contradictions in their personalities; it would make them both more sympathetic and relatable, into some maladjusted teenagers looking for an outlet rather than just a good guy and a bad guy who hate each other. 

In conclusion, this post didn’t make much sense, and it was kind of a waste of time. But it was fun to think about these guys, and I could fix them, and also they’re more toxic in canon than first thought but I’m not necessarily complaining, because what’s a character without conflict and what’s a story without a theme? I didn’t edit or organize it, this was more or less my notes from rewatching the first nine episodes of ROTI. I’m aware it was super repetitive and rambly but I don’t have the time or energy to clean it up so, make of them what you will. Maybe this gave you a new perspective on Mike and Scott, maybe it didn’t, I dunno, I’m indifferent now, perchance. Like and subscribe for more Party Sciking. I need them to hold hands and wear the get along shirt and go to therapy. This ended up being more or less 9,738 words. Hope everything’s right in this, let me know your thoughts but please don’t tell me if you hate it. Goodnight Miami. 

[lollytea]

((Part One of my Showbiz AU exposition posts!! Sorry my demons took over. I have more to say but this was already getting too long so I have to chop it up. The actual meat of the AU coming tomorrow.))

Willow Park was discovered in a supermarket when she was two years old while happily swinging her chubby legs back and forth in a shopping cart baby seat, teething on a rainbow coloured set of plastic keys. Her parents were offered the opportunity to get her into commercial modeling for a fat check.

Maybe if the circumstances had been different, Gilbert and Harvey would have rejected the offer on the spot. However, things were not going financially well in the Park household. Harvey had recently been let go from his job and Gilbert was already disowned by his parents, so they didn't have their support to fall back on. And they were scared. They were scared of what would become of Willow if they couldn't afford to take care of her.

The rules they applied to this whole venture were simple. The second it appeared that this lifestyle was taking a negative effect on Willow, they pull her out of it immediately and try something else.

So Willow became a baby model. And the overlap between model and actor was thin enough that she quickly stumbled into the latter. Mainly commercials and movie/TV roles with anywhere from one to a handful of lines. But it paid well and even though she was little, she seemed to enjoy it. She had a captivating stage presence. She was silly and clumsy but directors and audiences found that charming.

When Willow was four, she began repeatedly bumping into another little girl at auditions and they drew little crayon doodles together on the edges of their scripts while they waited their turn. Soon enough, Willow Park and Amity Blight were best friends and lit up every time they saw each other in those high ceiling audition rooms with the weird squeaky floors.

But when Willow was six, going on seven, she did an awful lot of growing. And that changed everything.

Amity had always booked more roles than Willow, but that had never bothered her because she had never known any different. And besides, Willow had always gotten SOMETHING at least.

Willow enjoyed acting and her Dads made sure to never make her aware that they relied on her income for fear of putting that huge responsibility on her shoulders. To her, it wasn't a job, just a fun thing she did.

But once she reached a certain age, it became difficult to book any roles at all. Nothing. Nobody wanted her.

Amity, by comparison, seemed to be getting every role personally handed to her. And this was the point where she abruptly severed ties with her best friend, utterly shattering Willow into a million pieces.

Nobody wanted her. Not even her best friend wanted her. Willow didn't know what had changed so suddenly but it burned under her skin. There was something inherently wrong with her. Nobody wanted her.

Harvey and Gilbert quickly noticed the damage that acting had done to their daughter's self esteem so they quickly drew further away from the spotlight before things got any worse.

Willow did not retire from acting completely. There was still maybe one or two background roles a year. Usually no lines. Just to keep them financially afloat. By this point, both Harvey and Gilbert had found ways to bring home money. It wasn't a lot and they were still scraping by but ultimately, Willow's childhood, education and future were to be prioritized so sacrifices had to be made.

They hoped to retain some sense of normalcy to Willow's life. So, after a year and a half of Harvey's home schooling, Willow was enrolled in public school, where she remained from the ages of 7 to 13.

This was supposed to make things better. And in a way, it did. Or at least it gave Willow the necessary experience to navigate the real world and help her develop into a relatively gentle, wise and down to earth soul. But it was also absolute Hell.

Harvey had always presumed that his daughter was a late bloomer and never thought much of it when she was still reading at a kindergarten level at age 7, but it presented itself as a complete abomination of a problem once she was thrown into the public school system.

Willow was dyslexic. This severely hindered her academic performance, as well as severely hindering her classmates' ability to leave her the fuck alone.

Willow doesn't like to talk about the period of her life where she attended public school. Except maybe in therapy. Or to Hunter at 3:34AM after he's told her something debatably more fucked up about his own childhood. But this was the only point in her life where she felt completely and utterly alone in this world.

She had her Dads, she'd always have her Dads. But she kept the brunt of her misery to herself because she knew that they would make her problems their problems and they were struggling enough as it was.

It was for her. Everything they did was for her. She eavesdropped on the heated debates they had late at night (They should've been asleep too. They had work in the morning) over what the next move was.

They were both painfully aware that Willow's full time acting career brought in the most money but if she didn't want to be in show business anymore, they needed to do whatever it took to make sure she could stay in school and her future was bright. College, university, whatever she wanted. (Harvey had tirelessly studied the best career opportunities and not-so-sutbly attempted to get her on board.)

Truth be told, Willow didn't know what she wanted. All she knew for sure was that she couldn't stay in public school a moment longer. She didn't know how to feel about acting these days. It was a mixed bag. But it was definitely preferable to the torture chamber of a middle school girls bathroom.

When Willow was thirteen, she reactivated her acting career, and she did it with a smile on her face. She hoped that her parents could maybe sleep soundly for the first time in six years.

She got lucky. Miraculously lucky. She wasn't sure if she believed in God after the last six years but SOMEBODY out there was looking out for her. Because near immediately, they found a casting call that read: "Age 12-14. Female. Plus size. Non-White." A casting call that Willow had never seen in all her years in show business, (at least not the ones her Dads approved of) let alone for a gig in one of the most popular tweenage networks on television. And this was no background position either, but a lead role.

If Willow could book this, her family would be set.

So, she read for the role. Well, she memorized the script after staying up till 2am with Gilbert. And she put her acting experience to use by pretending to read a script.

And that was how Willow booked the role of Paulina on television's upcoming tween phenomenon 'Hexside', a series about wacky shenanigans in a witches high school.

She was quick to learn that while she would have a significant presence on the show, she was not the leading lady, but rather, the ditzy quirky best friend.

The actual protagonist and Willow's co-star who she'll be spending the next several months with? (and possibly years if season 1 is a success)

Amity Blight.

[slytherinshua]

HOYOUNG HUSBAND HEADCANONS

genre. fluff. headcanons. househusband hoyoung we stan. warnings. kissing. not proofread cause i'm too lazy for that shit. pairing. husband!hoyoung x reader. wc. 1.3k. a/n. what is it w me and husband verivery brainrot recently it's actually so insane and not okay i need help. househusband hoyoung has been in my head ever since i saw him talk about it on weekly idol(?) its just been constant brainrot omg

Husband Hoyoung who loves to wake up with his arms wrapped around you

He loves everything about it— the way his body warmth mingles with yours and all he can feel in the moment is you with his head tucked into the crook of your neck 

Once he’s awake enough he’ll start littering gentle kisses in that region, but while he’s still half asleep, he just breathes in your familiar scent and hugs you a bit tighter as he clings onto the last bit of sleep he’s going to get

If he wakes up and he can’t feel his arms wrapped around your waist, he’ll furrow his eyebrows in his still-sleepy state and try to blink open his eyes to figure out where you were if not in his arms

And if you’re still lying on the bed, he’ll reach out to pull you to his chest so he can try waking up again, this time with you properly nestled in between his strong arms

If you’ve already gotten up and are getting ready for the day in the bathroom he’ll be content to just watch you, still drowsy and blinking away the remaining sleep from his eyes

He’ll say good morning to you in his groggy deep morning voice that you find so endearing, but he doesn’t just say it for the sake of saying it— he really means it; every morning is a good morning when he can wake up next to you 

He shakes off his sleepy state quickly, though, because morning usually mean you heading off to work fairly directly and he thinks that it’s his job as your husband to make you breakfast before you go

He’ll make whatever you ask for, and it always turns out delicious because he puts such dedication and love into his cooking— it’s his way of expressing some of his love for you

Though, he expresses it in many ways. In the gentle kisses he gives you in the morning before you leave for work, in the handmade meals he serves you for breakfast lunch and dinner, in the questions he always asks you after you get home from work

“Did you have a good day?” “No? What happened, love?” “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I’m always here for cuddles instead if that’s all you need.”

And you could never reject an offer to cuddle your husband because you love the way you fit perfectly in his arms even more than he does. Hugging Hoyoung is like a addiction, no matter how many times you do it, it gets better and better every time, and you doubt you could ever get tired of it

Hoyoung likes to have long conversations with you once you get back home. He always starts by asking how your day was to gauge how you might be feeling and what he can do to make you feel better if that’s what you need

But once he’s sure you’re feeling good, he’ll update you on what he’s accomplished that day. Whether it be domestic things like reorganising the guest room upstairs or deep-cleaning the kitchen, you always smile at how he tells you so eagerly

He’ll tell you about his daily outings to go shopping or walk around. He smiles as he tells you about the cute baby girl with pigtails he saw on his walk by the river and how she had given him a high-five and smiled so widely

And you can easily believe it because who wouldn’t smile at your sweet husband, Hoyoung?

You could easily listen to him talk all day, and when he fills you in on everything you’ve missed while at work, you can’t help but smile and relax and let his voice soothe you from the tiring day

Hoyoung really is the best thing to come home to after a long day. A warm dinner waiting made with love and a handsome husband to hug and kiss as soon as you walk through the door are all you could ever need

He learned how to get good at giving massages after one particularly tiring night when you came home and asked him for one. Now he does it like a routine— once you’re settled on the couch next to him, he’ll continue his discussions like usual with his hands going to work at rubbing out the knots that have formed throughout. And it’s really the nicest feeling in the world to be able to relax into his touch as if he has the power to erase every concern and worry that was rested heavily on your shoulders until that point

Sometimes you feel bad that you’re gone for most of the day, and yet, when you come back home after not seeing Hoyoung for the whole day, it’s still him that is doing things for you— feeding you, taking care of your exhausted body, giving you calming words of reassurance 

But he assures you that it’s his favourite thing to do in the whole world and he’s just happy you’re back home, even if it means a little extra work for him

It feels imbalanced to you at times, but to Hoyoung, there’s a perfect balance between the two of you. In fact, he views his job as your husband to care for you, and he loves to know that he’s fulfilling his role as perfectly as he can

You like to thank him for everything he does for you in many ways, whether it be long hugs before you leave and after you come back, or leaving little notes around the house for him to find when he cleans later, or, his favourite, kissing him slowly and gently once you see him again

He loves to melt into your lips and savour the taste of your cherry lip balm— his hands sneaking to hold your waist in the most gentle touch that has you almost devastatingly in love with him. You’ll cup his cheek with your hand or comb your fingers through his hair while you kiss him, yours lips sending millions of thanks to him silently through the affectionate action 

You love to watch as his dimples slowly grow on his cheeks as he laughs after a kiss. It’s just for a short moment, as if they just say a quick hi to you before they’re gone again as he’s pulling you back in for another kiss

And as you say thank you to him through the kiss, he’s saying I miss you and I love you and countless other enchanting messages to convey all his sentiments that have you only kissing him a bit harder and pulling him a bit closer 

Hoyoung thinks that regular days are wonderful. He loves the routine of it all, and how much he can accomplish throughout the day while waiting to see you again, but he thinks that the rarer days are even more precious to him

The days where you don’t have anywhere to be and you can just stay with him

On these days, he’ll sleep in extra late with you, and spend even more time cuddling under the warmth of the blankets before finally pulling you both out from under the comfort to fill your stomachs and make plans for the day

These days are always reserved as date days

You like these days the most because they’re one of the only times that you can focus on spoiling Hoyoung instead of the other way around. Your entire attention is able to be on him and only him and you cherish it

He deserves to be on the receiving end of every bit of devotion he shows you daily, and you make sure to shower him with it all on days when you’re able to

That’s what you like most about your relationship, you’re always perfectly balanced. You and Hoyoung even each other out and fit together more perfectly than anyone else could for either of you, and you’re spent savouring every second you get to spend with him

↳ verivery taglist: @yeonjuns-redhair,, @skz-minchan-enthusiast,, @ddeonudepressions,, @edensgardenn

[yuseirra]

Onk spoilers!!!! Here's what I think what may happen if the story takes a more.. Fantasy approach. I will put a read-more just in case!!

I don't think the most recent chapter is bad, the way most characters act are in character and there was foreshadowing that nino can't accept anyone who surpasses Ai and Ruby was showing such a potential. And Kamiki, well, I was sure he understood Ai's message. She didn't want him to be "lost" anymore, and he turned back after listening to her words. It's like how Kana was able to bring Aqua back to himself in 146. Her words have a HUGE effect on him.

I have no idea if Aqua and Ruby never saw this coming or if this is some sort of vision but if Ruby's really BEEN stabbed and her life is at stake, I feel her dad would try to give her what he's been collecting in order to help her return to life.

The "lights" mentioned in the song Mephisto.

I am 90% sure he wanted to revive Ai, trade his life for hers or wanted to give something in order to compensate for it, and I think he was very close to reaching that goal.

The three words attached to him when you see him in this chapter, Desire, Disappointment, Despair- I think those can mean two things:

Desire: he desired to be with Ai/He desires to bring her back to life

Disappointment: He was rejected and that led him to feel disappointment/He tried but could not revive her, so the failures made him feel disappointment.

Despair: something drastic happens and he loses Ai,(he really, really didn't see this coming. This must be true) and he fell into despair after that/He despairs because he can't ever have what he wants to come true(to bring his love back to life)no matter how hard he struggles.

But upon hearing Ai's words, he found she was always concerned for his sake. She wouldn't be happy if he traded his life for hers or harmed others in order to do it. That makes him come back to his senses and he can't devalue his own life anymore. So he gives up and decides to stop what he's been so desperate about doing, for it's what Ai would have wanted.

However, if their daughter's life is at peril, what he's been doing may not be come to waste.

I feel like he may reach out to Ruby and do what he's tried to do for Ai, and if Ruby really comes back to life and survives, he'd be able to save someone for once, their daughter who really resembles Ai and may even outshine them(amaterasu is the sun god. She's one of the most powerful gods in Japanese mythology, more renowned than the entertainment god-ame-no-uzume- and her husband, the god of the bright lights-sarutahiko-)

And he'll get his salvation that way.

But I don't know if this will actually happen. This makes Aqua look so helpless, what's he been doing if he's aware that nino's someone that suspicious?;;

I just want Hikaru to do something at this point, he seems pretty passive in my opinion...; I'm not sure if he's very capable of taking strong actions but he did say he'll do something for Ai after all

He did the MOST sensible thing he could as a person by deciding to get punished by turning himself in...but I don't really picture this comic ending with him behind bars. It feels a bit funny thinking about it. With all the other characters smiling and laughing and him. Behind bars lol. I can see nino like that.. :/ him, though... It doesn't feel like a pretty picture.

So if he actually DOES have the guts in him to go out there and do something, I think him giving his life to save his daughter would be in character for him and it'd give him a good resolution too. I wouldn't want him to die if he's really been that person who's been hurt and tossed around all the time, his life was simply miserable and tragic. Although yes. He could have done things in between but I'll get to that when it's tackled in the plot, it's something we don't know for now,

But IS there something that'd give this guy a happy ending other than letting him reunite with Ai?;; Hm; hmmm...;; maybe he can live with Aqua and Ruby if he actually wasn't so guilty about what's happened to Ai? But that feels so awkward too;

Yeah. It's just a small imagination I have.

I'm not so sure how much I could expect out of Kamiki at this point, he seems like a kind guy in nature but he's way too soft???? Maybe he'll really end up doing nothing.. But if he does do something, I feel this can be it. I'd feel very sorry for him if he actually does this but it's something that would make sense for me.

[butterflydm]

wot rewatch 1x2: shadow's waiting

Continuing my pre-s2 rewatch with the second episode, Shadow's Waiting. <3

spoilers for all of season one plus through The Fires of Heaven in the book series

The way the Whitecloaks are set up here does feel like Rafe & co were pulling a lot from how they were portrayed in New Spring, where the newly-raised Sisters get warned that an arrow in the back kills Aes Sedai as easily as anyone else. But this cold-open is brutal and also sets up the stakes for Moiraine later in the episode - this is the kind of death she would get from Valda if he were able.

Valda's special bird breakfast was a gift from the "Lord" to congratulate him on his "victory". Which Lord? Presumably not Bornhald, given the way he behaves around Valda later. The victory is, presumably, the capture of this poor Yellow Ajah Sister.

Since I was recently thinking about forkroot in my story... I wonder if it'll get introduced via the Whitecloaks in the show. Ronde was a Yellow's eyes-and-ears in Amadicia (Whitecloak country). But I don't think the Whitecloaks have forkroot yet, or he would have just dosed Egwene with it when he has her prisoner.

I love the credits sequence so much. <3

The scenery is just so gorgeous.

It makes a lot of sense that the kiddos don't challenge Moiraine until after they've both a. reached a measure of safety by being on the other side of the river and b. saw what happened with the ferry. They are village kids and the ruthless calculus of war is not something they've had to think about in their lives. Of course they'll think "there had to be a better way".

So now all the kids have a chance to breathe and to actually think. Rand wants a plan so that they can try to keep each other safe if that stops being a priority of Moiraine's -- and that is a worry of his that kinda does get proven true at the end of the season when the Red Ajah is sent after Mat by Moiraine.

Poor Rand is also very much not ready to think about one of them being the Dragon especially because, well, he's already suspecting that it would be him and desperately not wanting it to be.

And Egwene is already embracing the idea that maybe it is one of them, so maybe they can help save people.

Mat trying to break the tension and play peacemaker.

Here is where we get the difference between Egwene and the others -- it isn't that they doubt Moiraine and she doesn't, it's that Egwene gets an explanation when she expresses her doubts to Moiraine during their nighttime conversation. Moiraine actually walks Egwene through her thought process here so that Egwene will understand why she made the choices that she did.

Moiraine's explanation of the Oaths also puts Valda's "victory" from the cold open into perspective -- unless she knew her life was in imminent danger, that Yellow Aes Sedai could not use the One Power against Valda. Some "victory".

Moiraine must have been so relieved when she realized that Egwene can channel. It made it that much more likely that they were lucky enough to have the Dragon reborn as someone who would not fall to the corruption. Like, I 100% understand why Moiraine wants Egwene to be TDR but, in her eagerness to have the less dangerous choice as the Dragon, she treated the qualms of the boys too carelessly and dismissively. They all deserved the explanation that she was willing to give Egwene.

Poor Rand. Poor Egwene. I understand both sides of this -- Egwene was seeking familiar comfort but... you literally JUST broke up with him. Rand is not being an "asshole" to want some space.

Moiraine is demanding information but not giving them sufficient answers when Rand tries to press her in return. And tbh I think part of Egwene's anger here is because Rand rejected her last night and she's hurt over it. But Mat is the one who is able to talk Rand down and get him to play ball.

Once again, how similarly Rand and Egwene are costumed really stands out -- brown coat over a blue top. Mirrors! Co-protagonists!

The encounter with the Whitecloaks accomplishes several things: we see that the Whitecloaks feel free to act as an authority in lands that are not their own; Valda sees their faces so that he'll recognize Perrin & Egwene later; and we see that there are other Whitecloaks who appear to disagree with at least some of Valda/the Questioners beliefs (Bornhald telling Moiraine to seek out Aes Sedai healing). Plus there's a lot of tension in the scene because we saw the cold open.

Love the Manetheren song scene. And it's another example of Mat working to help the emotional state of the group. And I love hearing the story from Moiraine. I teared up on rewatch too.

Timing note: "I haven't seen any Trollocs for days", Lan says.

Again, we get to Rand and Egwene's further discussion and I can see both sides: Rand would like to be given space to process but Egwene wants reassurances that in a world that has changed so much Rand still cares about her. But Egwene has been the one sending mixed signals, not Rand. I understand why she has but it was definitely absolutely baffling to me when I hopped online and saw Rand being taken to task for holding on and being 'clingy'.

Perrin gets wolf healing and we get a hint here that Something Supernatural is up with Perrin but it's now been explicitly linked to wolves.

Love pretty much the entire Shadar Logoth section and Mat is a lot less randomly treasure-hungry and naive in this version. It accomplishes what it needs to do in splitting the party and there's a great creepy vibe.

It also gives us some nice character moments. Perrin and Mat's conversation about Laila is really sweet, and again shows us that Mat is very emotionally sensitive to others. And Rand and Egwene's silent moment together is also sweet.

Rand really likes to go the high places to think. Chills on the mountain in the first episode and seeks out a tower with the view of the dead city in this one.

Giving Perrin a weapon that is primarily a tool is also very thematic for him. That's part of the struggle for him -- between choosing a weapon that he sees only as a weapon and one that is primarily a tool but can be used as a weapon if needed. Knife here rather than a hammer but it still fits the themes for Perrin.

So many of the criticisms of the show baffled me and here's another one: did the people who said it was "too clean" watch past the big village festival? They are showing wear and tear already and it gets worse in upcoming episodes.

Poor horse. Being eaten by a tendril of darkness and dissolving into dust seems a rough way to go.

I also like the choice of darkness as opposed to fog, partly so that people don't associate the fog of the Heroes of the Horn with Shadar Logoth lol.

Party split successfully accomplished!

Weapon as tool: we see Rand use his sword not as a sword but as a crowbar to help him and Mat escape Shadar Logoth.

And Nynaeve (not dead) shows up as our surprise ending!

<3 <3 <3 <3