#That was such a longer post than what I intended LOL… I’ve already made school projects with less word count

[smart-dreamy]

Last night I read a trivia about the Disney studios and, today, I was in the way to the church and I had a sudden epiphany about Disney recent movies and why they look different from the old ones (yes, I’ve already reach peak daydreaming mood).

Yesterday, I discovered that in the 1990’s and 2000’s Disney company had a main studio to the “blockbuster projects” and a “auxiliar studio” in Florida (alias: a studio were Disney bosses hired creative and skilled animators and screenwriters, but never gave them full freedom to develop theirs ideas. Basically, kept them there to make sure other studios wouldn’t have an upper hand to surpass them with theirs talent. Television media does a similar thing hiring actors and hosts who are getting better audience in other channels and put them in small shows).

But, the thing was that the main studio was too busy crafting 3D animation after buying the Pixar studios; therefore, they let the Florida studio staff do whatever they wanted, and we were blessed with the Experimental Era; which only lasted till the main studio took back the reels with the 3D animation and ended the Florida studios moment of spotlight (a good part of the staff went to Dreamworks, by the way).

Even though I really love “Tangled” and “Moana” and other modern movies, and I feel they have that “Classic Disney” feel, I can’t deny that “Wish” and other recent productions don’t bring me the “feel” and today I finally noticed why: Disney can’t make movies like they did once before because Disney forgot what it is to be an outcast!

If we really think about it, we see that what we love about the old movies isn’t just the cinematography and music, it’s the empathy and warmth we feel about the main characters. I still remember how joyful I felt when watching “Beauty and the Beast” and feeling connected to Belle’s inner passion and distracted nature and to the fact she was surrounded by people who didn’t understand her dreams (nor tried to).

But, that’s only the surface level of being an “outcast”, you don’t need to be rejected from society to be an outcast. For me, the best “Classic Disney” moments of that idea is the debut scenes of the princesses in “The Little Mermaid” and “Pocahontas”. Both characters are important on theirs communities (they are daughters of the leaders and already have a steady and comfortable life), and theirs debut scenes are literally theirs absent in an important social event (I mean, Ariel didn’t care about being the spotlight of a whole kingdom that gathered just to applause her beautiful singing). That simple act of denial from both princesses already reveal theirs personalities: they have good lives, but it’s not theirs dream life. They choose to cast themselves out theirs societies, because they see they are different from theirs surroundings.

Still, being an outcast isn’t just about being “different from society”, it’s about wanting to change your life and already have tried so many times and with all your strengths and will, but still being powerless. It’s the feeling of wanting a better life and actually earning it, but never having the grasp of such life because the society or people that can help you to achieve such dreams don’t see you as fit for it.

I know (and even laugh about too) of the “Disney princess crying in the ground moment” memes and internet jokes of the old Disney movies, but that is exactly what it means to be an outcast. It means to feel trapped, alone and misjudged. You feel miserable and sad not because things don’t go your way, but because you’ve been trying and trying every day to make your life better and each day it fails, and it looks like it doesn’t matter how much you work, try and rise above your doubts and fears, you reach a moment you notice you can’t change your life. That’s being an outcast.

Being an outcast is feeling you should have a different life, but knowing it’s above your reach. It’s Aladdin singing to the lone streets, it’s Mulan crying in the rain in loneliness and shame, it’s Cinderella racing to cry in the backyard because her last hope for joy and bliss was ruined, it’s Louis tearing his notebook apart feeling worthless, it’s Ariel sobbing above the shatters of her dream life, it’s Tiana praying for a Star because she has nowhere else to turn to, it’s Rapunzel lying to Gothel as a last resource to see the lanterns, it’s Esmeralda crying and praying on the feet of a religion that isn’t even her own because her people are suffering and dying!

Being an outcast is not just about society interactions, it’s a feeling of abandonment.

When you are an outcast, you will reach a level of despair and hopelessness that you won’t be able to move on by yourself, you will need help because the effect you need in your life is above your doing. There we have the cathartic “magic intervention” in Disney movies: the Fairy Godmother, The Fa family ancestors meeting, Naveen showing up in the balcony, Ariel making a Faustian deal (a dark turn, but you got what I meant), Genie helping Aladdin, Ralph and Vanellope bonding while practicing driving and Moana following the instructions of her grandmother spirit.

Why “Wish” didn’t have these moments? Because Disney can’t understand why these moments matter, because only outcasts know how it feel to be that way.

Disney has surpassed the common level of movie industry, they already have the power over mostly of our entertainment media and I don’t exactly complain, because there’re several movies they made I do enjoy, like Marvel movies (till “Endgame”). But, it’s clear they missed theirs way with the “outcast protagonist” plots, because it’s not about quick jokes and CGI effects; it’s about audience connection and our wanting for the hero to rise above theirs trials.

Disney don’t know what it is to be powerless and miserable because they are the Big Bosses of the game! They own thousands of merchandise companies, theirs brand means a world by itself and any beginning artist would dream to work in the company.

And, we can see they are struggling with understanding the outcast’s point of view with what they did to Asha in “Wish”. Asha is not an outcast, but they wanted us to buy that idea just to fit the “Classic Disney trope”, but Asha is far from being an outcast! The whole character feels bland and superficial, because her dreams are superficial! I won’t take more lines to explain and develop how her wish for “more than this” is bland, because 3/4 of the internet already talked about it and explained it very well. But, just to prove my point, some opinions of why Wish is a failed “outcast journey”:

Asha has a loving family, a steady and respected job and she has a whole musical number singing genuinely about how much she loves her city. Yes, she felt a disillusionment with Magnifico being cynical, selfish and mean; but, it didn’t make her an outcast. The only rejection she had was from her grandfather denying to hear his wish and even the job denial wasn’t that impactful because nearly none knew about it nor expected it from her (different from Mulan, for instance) and Asha herself had no “dream” connected to being a sorcerer, she even mentions along the movie she has no knack for magic, and the only thing we can connect to her job attempt is that she wants to grant Sabino’s wish. And it would’ve been an awesome plot mover, if they had showed why Sabino was sad without his wish (yes, “A wish worth making” deleted scene, I’m looking to you, what a precious piece of art. I almost sobbed while watching that scene!).

Her “magic intervention moment” doesn’t feel deep nor emotional either, because we don’t know what she wants, she had not enough turmoils nor conflict for us to actually cheer for her Happily Ever After.

And the worst of it all is that Disney HAD A PERFECT OUTCAST PLOT ON THEIRS HANDS! And they denied the concept art plot for reasons I still don’t quite understand! Because I’ve already read thousands of Wish fanfics that used such denied ideas, and all of them rocked because they were actual outcasts stories! Like the movie should’ve been!

The only hope I still have for the future of Disney movies is that they can look with better eyes to the original ideas theirs animators make and decide to give them the spotlight they deserve. I’m really rooting for that new Era of Disney and I know they have the capacity to make stories as great as before, if they actually listen to theirs staff and understand that while they are no longer outcasts, they can make outcast stories if they give theirs employees the creativity freedom and acceptance they deserve.

[pumpkinpaix]

hello there, hope you're having a nice day <3

so i've been reading a lot of fics lately, uk for sanity's sake, and i've noticed that in most of them, lwj doesn't use contractions (eg., says do not instead of don't)?? and i think he doesn't in the novel either but i don't remember lol so i can't be sure but anyway that made me curious - does chinese have contractions as well? does he not use it bc it's informal?

hello there! I’m doing all right, i started to answer this ask while waiting for a jingyeast loaf to come out of the oven 😊 many thanks to @bookofstars for helping me look over/edit/correct this post!! :D

anyways! the answer to your questions are complicated (of course it is when is anything simple with me), so let’s see if I can break it down--you’re asking a) whether chinese has contractions, b) if it does, how does they change the tone of the sentence--is it similar to english or no?, and c) how does this all end up with lan wangji pretty much never using contractions in english fic/translation?

I’m gonna start by talking about how formality is (generally) expressed in each language, and hopefully, by the end of this post, all the questions will have been answered in one way or another. so: chinese and english express variations in formality/register differently, oftentimes in ways that run contrary to one another. I am, as always, neither a linguist nor an expert in chinese and english uhhh sociological grammar? for lack of a better word. I’m speaking from my own experience and knowledge :D

so with a character like lan wangji, it makes perfect sense in english to write his dialogue without contractions, as contractions are considered informal or colloquial. I don’t know if this has changed in recent years, but I was always taught in school to never use contractions in my academic papers.

However! not using contractions necessarily extends the length of the sentence: “do not” takes longer to say than “don’t”, “cannot” is longer than “can’t” etc. in english, formality is often correlated with sentence length: the longest way you can say something ends up sounding the most formal. for a very simplified example, take this progression from least formal to absurdly formal:

whatcha doin’?

what’re you doing?

what are you doing? [standard colloquial]

may I ask what you are doing?

might I inquire as to what you are doing?

excuse me, but might I inquire as to what you are doing?

pardon my intrusion, but might I inquire as to what you are doing?

please pardon my intrusion, but might inquire as to the nature of your current actions?

this is obviously a somewhat overwrought example, but you get the point. oftentimes, the longer, more complex, more indirect sentence constructions indicate a greater formality, often because there is a simultaneous decreasing of certainty. downplaying the speaker’s certainty can show deference (or weakness) in english, while certainty tends to show authority/confidence (or aggression/rudeness).

different words also carry different implications of formality—in the example, I switched “excuse me” to “pardon me” during one of the step ups. pardon (to me at least) feels like a more formal word than “excuse”. Similarly, “inquire” is more formal than “ask” etc. I suspect that at least some of what makes one word seem more formal than one of its synonyms has to do with etymology. many of english’s most formal/academic words come from latin (which also tends to have longer words generally!), while our personal/colloquial words tend to have germanic origins (inquire [latin] vs ask [germanic]).

you’ll also notice that changing a more direct sentence structure (“may I ask what”) to a more indirect one (“might I inquire as to”) also jumps a register. a lot of english is like this — you can complicate simple direct sentences by switching the way you use the verbs/how many auxiliaries you use etc.

THE POINT IS: with regards to english, more formal sentence structures are often (not always) longer and more indirect than informal ones. this leads us to a problem with a character like lan wangji.

lan wangji is canonically very taciturn. if he can express his meaning in two words rather than three, then he will. and chinese allows for this—in extreme ways. if you haven’t already read @hunxi-guilai’s post on linguistic register (in CQL only, but it’s applicable across the board), I would start there because haha! I certainly do Not have a degree in Classical Chinese lit and she does a great job. :D

you can see from the examples that hunxi chose that often, longer sentences tend to be more informal in chinese (not always, which I’ll circle back to at the end lol). Colloquial chinese makes use of helping particles to indicate tone and meaning, as is shown in wei wuxian’s dialogue. and, as hunxi explained, those particles are largely absent from lan wangji’s speech pattern. chinese isn’t built of “words” in the way English is—each character is less a word and more a morpheme—and the language allows for a lot of information to be encoded in one character. a single character can often stand for a phrase within a sentence without sacrificing either meaning or formality. lan wangji makes ample use of this in order to express himself in the fewest syllables possible.

so this obviously leads to an incongruity when trying to translate his dialogue or capture his voice in English: shorter sentences are usually more direct by nature, and directness/certainty is often construed as rudeness -- but it might seem strange to see lan wangji’s dialogue full of longer sentences while the narration explicitly says that he uses very short sentences. so what happens is that many english fic writers extrapolated this into creating an english speech pattern for lan wangji that reads oddly. they’ll have lan wangji speak in grammatically incoherent fragments that distill his intended thought because they’re trying to recreate his succinctness. unfortunately, English doesn’t have as much freedom as Chinese does in this way, and it results in lan wangji sounding as if he has some kind of linguistic impediment and/or as if he’s being unspeakably rude in certain situations. In reality, lan wangji’s speech is perfectly polite for a young member of the gentry (though he’s still terribly rude in other ways lol). he speaks in full, and honestly, quite eloquent sentences.

hunxi’s post already has a lot of examples, but I figure I’ll do one as well focused on the specifics of this post.

I’m going to use this exchange from chapter 63 between the twin jades because I think it’s a pretty simple way to illustrate what I’m talking about:

蓝曦臣道：“你亲眼所见？”

蓝忘机道：“他亲眼所见。”

蓝曦臣道：“你相信他？”

蓝忘机道：“信。”

[...] 蓝曦臣道：“那么金光瑶呢？”

蓝忘机道：“不可信。”

my translation:

Lan Xichen said, “You saw it with your own eyes?”

Lan Wangji said, “He saw it with his own eyes.”

Lan Xichen said, “You believe him?”

Lan Wangji said, “I believe him.”

[...] Lan Xichen said, “Then what about Jin Guangyao?”

Lan Wangji said, “He cannot be believed.”

you can see how much longer the (pretty literal) english translations are! every single line of dialogue is expanded because things that can be omitted in chinese cannot be omitted in english without losing grammatical coherency. i‘ll break a few of them down:

Lan Xichen’s first line:

你 (you) 亲眼 (with one’s own eyes) 所 (literary auxiliary) 见 (met/saw)？

idk but i love this line a lot lmao. it just has such an elegant feel to me, probably because I am an uncultured rube. anyways, you see here that he expressed his full thought in five characters.

if I were to rewrite this sentence into something much less formal/much more modern, I might have it become something like this:

你是自己看见的吗？

你 (you) 是 (to be) 自己 (oneself) 看见 (see) 的 (auxiliary) 吗 (interrogative particle)？

i suspect that this construction might even be somewhat childish? I’ve replaced every single formal part of the sentence with a more colloquial one. instead of 亲眼 i’ve used 自己, instead of 所见 i’ve used 看见的 and then also added an interrogative particle at the end for good measure (吗). To translate this, I would probably go with “Did you see it yourself?”

contained in this is also an example of how one character can represent a whole concept that can also be represented with two characters: 见 vs 看见. in this example, both mean “to see”. we’ll see it again in the next example as well:

in response to lan xichen’s, “you believe him?” --> 你 (you) 相信 (believe) 他 (him)? lan wangji answers with, “信” (believe).

chinese does not do yes or no questions in the same way that english does. there is no catch-all for yes or no, though there are general affirmative (是／有) and negative (不／没) characters. there are other affirmative/negative characters, but these are the ones that I believe are the most common and also the ones that you may see in response to yes or no questions on their own. (don’t quote me on that lol)

regardless, the way you respond to a yes or no question is often by repeating the verb phrase either in affirmative or negative. so here, when lan xichen asks if lan wangji believes wei wuxian, lan wangji responds “believe”. once again, you can see that one character can stand in for a concept that may also be expressed in two characters: 信 takes the place of 相信. lan wangji could have responded with “相信” just as well, but, true to his character, he didn’t because he didn’t need to. this is still a complete sentence. lan wangji has discarded the subject (I), the object (him), and also half the verb (相), and lost no meaning whatsoever. you can’t do this in english!

and onto the last exchange:

lan xichen: 那么 (then) 金光瑶 (jin guangyao) 呢 (what about)？

lan wangji: 不可 (cannot) 信 (believe)

you can actually see the contrast between the two brothers’ speech patterns even in this. lan xichen’s question is not quite as pared down as it could be. if it were wangji’s line instead, I would expect it to read simply “金光瑶呢？” which would just be “what about jin guangyao?” 那么 isn’t necessary to convey the core thought -- it’s just as how “then what about” is different than “what about”, but “then” is not necessary to the central question. if we wanted to keep the “then” aspect, you could still cut out 么 and it would be the same meaning as well.

a FINAL example of how something can be cut down just because I think examples are helpful:

“I don’t know” is usually given as 我不知道. (this is what nie huaisang says lol) It contains subject (我) and full verb (知道). you can pare this straight down to just 不知 and it would mean the same thing in the correct context. i think most of the characters do this at least once? it sounds more literary -- i don’t know that i would ever use it in everyday speech, but the fact remains that it’s a possibility. both could be translated as “I do not know” and it would be accurate.

ANYWAYS, getting all the way back to one of your original questions: does chinese have contractions? and the answer is like... kind of...?? but not really. there’s certainly slang/dialect variants that can be used in ways that are reminiscent of english contractions. the example I’m thinking of is the character 啥 (sha2) which can be used as slang in place of 什么 (shen2 me). (which means “what”)

so for a standard sentence of, 你在做什么? (what are you doing), you could shorten down to just 做啥? and the second construction is less formal than the first, but they mean the same thing.

other slang i can think of off the top of my head: 干嘛 (gan4 ma2) is also informal slang for “what are you doing”. and i think this is a regional thing, but you can also use 搞 (gao3) and 整 (zheng3) to mean “do” as well.

so in the same way that you can replace 什么 with 啥, you can replace 做 as well to get constructions like 搞啥 (gao3 sha2) and 整啥 (zheng3 sha2).

these are all different ways to say “what are you doing” lmao, and in this case, shorter is not, in fact, more formal.

woo! we made it to the end! I hope it was informative and helpful to you anon. :D

this is where I would normally throw my ko-fi, but instead, I’m actually going to link you to this fundraising post for an old fandom friend of mine. her house burned down mid-september and they could still use help if anyone can spare it! if this post would have moved you to buy me a ko-fi, please send that money to her family instead. :) rbs are also appreciated on the post itself. (* ´▽` *)

anyways, here’s the loaf jingyeast made :3 it was very tasty.

[bluemoose86]

Characters I Adore Despite Never Having Seen a Minute of Their Shows

DISCLAIMER: As it says in the title, I’ve never seen any of the shows I talk about in this post. Because of this, some plot points/character traits/etc. that I talk about might not be accurate. I do plan on watching these shows at some point so I’m trying to avoid too much spoilery content, which is why I haven’t done much extra research. I apologize if I offend anyone somehow, this is just something I thought would be fun :)

Hey all! My name is Moose, and for no reason in particular, I thought I would compile a list of characters whom I really like yet know next to nothing about. Does anyone else ever feel connected to/intrigued by a character without having seen the show or movie they appear in? Let me know! Also, please bear in mind that all I know about these characters/shows is what I’ve seen from fan posts on Instagram, and there will be slight spoilers. Without further ado, enjoy the post!

Dani Clayton and Jamie Taylor – The Haunting of Bly Manor

Their love is something that can actually be so personal. I know Bly manor is a horror show, or at least has prominent horror elements (which is something I don’t enjoy), but seeing them together makes me want to watch it anyways. Even if you don’t believe in soulmates, you can’t see even one screenshot of them together and tell me they aren’t meant to be together. Even in this gif they have heart eyes for each other. Dani is an American au pair–a live-in nanny, basically–who was hired to take care of the children living at Bly Manor, and Jamie is the manor’s gardener. They were both intrigued by each other when they first met, and their relationship progressed very naturally. They’re so comfortable with each other–Dani goes through some rough times as far as I can tell, but Jamie is always there by her side to comfort her. I also love how attracted Dani is to Jamie, no matter how much time has passed (the “you could...come back 🥺” scene kills me). And I KNOW what happens to them already but please,,,,let me live with the illusion of their perfect love story.

Clarke and Lexa – The 100

Yet ANOTHER tragic love story. The gays really can’t get a break, huh? Clarke and Lexa are from very different worlds, yet they work perfectly together as allies and lovers. The 100 takes place in a post-apocalyptic world, where Earth is no longer inhabitable and the rest of humanity lives on a space station called the Ark. Because of reasons, 100 teens from the Ark, including Clarke, are sent down to Earth and have to fight to survive on the ruined planet. Later, they meet Lexa, who leads one of the Grounder clans–people who survived the apocalypse and still live on Earth. There’s immediate tension between both groups, but circumstances require them to work together. Clarke and Lexa become closer as a result and eventually fall in love. Even though they’re only together briefly because #buryyourgays, what I love most about them is how enduring their love is. Clarke has other partners, but no one ever makes her feel the way Lexa did. Lexa really was Clarke’s whole universe; I think one of the other characters even says that Lexa was the greatest love of her life. And Lexa was so smitten with Clarke that she literally went against all her training and customs of her people just so she could make a pretty girl happy. We stan. Their relationship is only onscreen for like a season but I know that Lexa comes back later so I swear I will watch all 6 seasons of this show just for them. I will do it.

Quinn Fabray – Glee

Ok I know that’s not what she normally looks like but that look makes me so gay Jesus Christ 🥵🥵 Anyways, I know the Glee writers really did her dirty even though I haven’t made it past bitchy Quinn from season one. The fact that she was supposed to be a flat, mean antagonist for the whole show but was only saved because of Dianna Agron’s brilliant acting astounds me. She has particularly erratic moments (especially in the season where she gets this haircut), but for the most part she seems like a sweet person. She starts off as a very troubled girl who is under a lot of pressure from her cheer team, her parents, and herself, but after joining the Glee club she becomes more confident and learns how to accept who she is. She comes to care for the other club members as friends and relies on them. I love her development, and I love how Dianna portrayed her despite the writers trying to shove her back in the “stereotypical evil cheerleader” box multiple times. Also, her smile is so cute and so pure 🥺 I’m in love.

Izzie No-Last-name – Atypical

Your Honor, I love her. I clearly have a soft spot for troubled characters, as Izzie starts off much the same as Quinn does. She’s confrontational and just downright mean to Casey Gardener, one of the main characters, after Casey transfers to her school. The two eventually find a way to get along and become friends, and Casey finds out that Izzie struggles with balancing her grades, running track, and taking care of her three (?) younger siblings in lieu of her unreliable mother and absent father. Izzie’s better traits also come to light: she’s strong, independent, and fun-loving, if a bit wild at times, as well as incredibly loyal to Casey. She loves Casey’s autistic brother, Sam, whom most people do not understand or try to get along with. And she’s utterly in love with Casey, which is apparent by their immediate chemistry. She seems like such a fun and complex character. Plus, cute girls smiling is one of my greatest weaknesses and her smile is absolutely adorable.

Waverly Earp and Nicole Haught – Wynonna Earp

Finally a relationship on here that has a happy ending–and a wedding, no less! I love them both, but I feel more connected to Waverly than Nicole. Maybe I’ve just seen more content of her. Waverly is the younger sister of the titular Wynonna Earp, and she helps her defeat supernatural threats to their town of Purgatory (yes, that’s actually the name of their town). That’s all I know about the actual plot of the show lol. Nicole Haught is the deputy and later sheriff of Purgatory and has a crush on Waverly right out of the gate. However, Waverly was dating a man (ew) at the time and somehow thought she was straight. Nicole, of course, was very respectful of Waverly and never tried to pressure her into anything. Even though she knew she might never have a chance, that never stopped her from helping Waverly or Wynonna when they needed it. And they needed it a lot. Of course they eventually fall in love, and while their relationship does have its ups and downs, they always come back to each other. They are also the definition of soulmates: they go through a lot together and are always there to support each other through fights, near-death experiences, and shocking revelations. They utterly adore each other and that adoration never fades no matter what. And I love how they get their happy ending! It’s quite a welcome change from most wlw relationships in media.

And there you go! Sorry this post was so long lol, I didn’t intend for it to be. I hope you all enjoyed, and let me know what you think of these characters. Much love, and stay safe 💙

[retrievablememories]

the second time around | jaehyun

title: the second time around pairing: jaehyun x reader genre: fluff, some angst request: “Hi! Here’s a suggestion for a story or add-on to another story you wrote. I really liked moonlight w/ jaehyun! Could you do a follow up with him not seeing her for awhile and him (and her secretly) being pissed about it but wants to reconnect with her but outside of being a customer. Ty and keep up the good work with your writing.” word count: 2.9k warnings: a couple mentions of sex a/n: hmm...the sequel to moonlight...sequels are scary to write but here we are lol. this could’ve been posted last sunday really but i’ve been stalling oof

Despite getting Jaehyun’s number after that night at the strip club, you’ve seen and heard a lot less of him than you’d like. On his end, Jaehyun isn’t so pleased about losing touch either, but you wouldn’t know that with the lack of communication.

Both of you are ultimately busy with your own lives, and it’s not like he can just drop in whenever he wants to visit you. Not just because he’s busy, but also because of where you work. The men keep their visits to the club on a once-a-month basis for a reason—to avoid tipping off any stalkers who’d find out and leak their whereabouts.

You’ve texted each other a few times since your first meeting, and you enjoyed the conversations you got to have within that timespan, but the time between responses kept getting longer—on both of your ends—until things eventually dropped off.

You were unhappy about this, though you tried not to be so obvious about it to the other girls. Getting attached to customers was not a good look. Even if they were handsome and nice and had good dick.

However, Anya was the first to notice your slightly sour mood despite your best efforts to project an unphased demeanor. And, being her usual nosy self, she managed to pry it out of you before you could even think about denying it.

“Don’t stress about it,” she’d told you on the night you finally spilled the beans. She’d wrapped her arms around your shoulders and tipped your chin up, making you hold your head up higher and look at yourself in the mirror reflection facing you. “There will be many more men where he came from. And if you don’t wanna deal with any more men right now, that’s fine too. He doesn’t know what he’s missing out on, anyway.”

“I’m not stressing over it,” you’d argued, sighing. “We don’t stress over men who aren’t boyfriends, remember?”

Anya grinned then, though you could tell it was the kind of smile you give when a friend is doing something they shouldn’t be—or indulging in something they think is good for them when it’s not. “Duh. But you might wanna start following your own advice if you’re gonna be dishing it out!” And then she’d gone off to do her own thing, probably to finish getting ready for her set later that night or to go bother one of her favorite bartenders.

You’d looked at yourself in the mirror more closely, frowning at the truthfulness of her statement and wishing you had not been quite so easy to read. You’d had a show right after that, which allowed you to take your mind off the mess for at least a few hours. But in the small moments when you weren’t thinking about work or school or anything else you had to do, Jaehyun crept back into your mind like a specter, wanting you to acknowledge him even though you weren’t getting the same.

When you head out to the parking lot after a particularly long night, you slow your steps when you see a man leaning against his car, his cap pulled over his eyes and his head low. In any other scenario, you probably would’ve alerted one of the bouncers, thinking he was some creep waiting until after your stage to try to corner you in a shady area. However, you hold off on calling anybody because you can clearly recognize him even if he thinks he’s being inconspicuous—it’s Jaehyun.

He lifts his head when he hears your shoes on the ground, and his lips turn up into something of a smile.

“If you wanted another dance, you’re a bit late. We just closed,” you say jokingly, raising an eyebrow at him. Jaehyun shakes his head.

“Tempting idea, but that’s not what I came here for.” He turns to face you fully now, observing you in your casual, after-work clothes. In the back of your mind, you realize this is the first time he’s seen you outside the context of performing. Then he sighs. “It feels like it’s been forever since I’ve seen you.”

“I know.” Your familiar irritation rises again. Sure, maybe him coming to see you or you going to see him more often isn’t feasible. A text or a call, though...would be decidedly less effort, and not difficult to do. You’re not sure whether to be more irritated with him or yourself about not trying to reach out again, though you decide to aim your annoyance at him just because you can.

Jaehyun nods to your agreement. “How have you been?”

“I’ve been fine,” you say. “Work is...work. It has its ups and downs. How are you? Busy with the idol life?”

Jaehyun sighs. “Yeah...it just gets…stressful sometimes.” He bites his lip and shakes his head, seeming bothered about whatever’s going on with his job but not wanting to say much more about it.

“I’m sure,” you respond, and you don’t really know what to say afterwards. It’s been a while since either of you talked, and it’s strangely hard to try to pick up where you left off as if nothing happened. Jaehyun realizes this, too, and appears distressed at not knowing how to keep the conversation going with you—and possibly wasting your time.

You nod to yourself and shift on your feet. “Well, the Uber will probably be here soon, so—”

“I don’t know what things will look like between us, but I don’t want us to fall out of contact again,” Jaehyun blurts out, then winces. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt. I just...don’t want either of us to leave before we...sort this out, I guess.”

You think to yourself, wondering if this is really worth trying to pursue. You’ve yet to deal with a man with the level of fame that Jaehyun has, yet with such a strict image to keep, which makes things exponentially more complicated. But despite your apprehension, you still want to know where this could lead. After a moment, you say, “Well, if you’re willing...I’d like the same.”

Jaehyun nods and stands up a little straighter, like that response just gave him the energy he needed. “Do you wanna….go somewhere? Just to like, hang out.” His proposition is abrupt, and you didn’t expect it. 

“Now?” You check your phone, and it’s 18 minutes past 2 a.m. There aren’t too many places that will still be open at this hour, other than establishments similar to your line of work, but you aren’t in the mood for any more of that tonight. Your driver, too, is only a few minutes away, but you already find yourself with your finger hovering over the Cancel button. “We could.”

Jaehyun goes around to the passenger side of the car and opens the door for you. You get into his car, noting its sleek interior. Once he gets in, he asks you what you want to hear, and you notice he’s looking through his Spotify. You shrug.

“I don’t know. Show me something you like,” you say. You cringe at sounding so disinterested, which makes you realize you might just be a little more upset about being ghosted than you thought you were. You almost want to curse at how this dude is taking you off your usual game. “I mean, I like hearing new music anyway, so…”

Jaehyun starts the car and grins slightly. “Alright, then let me show you the best of the best…” You both end up listening and vibing to a playlist he’s made, which is good. Not that you didn’t expect it to be, but you end up liking most of the songs he shows you, which usually doesn’t happen with other people’s playlists.

Jaehyun ends up taking you to an ice cream place that’s still open this late, to your surprise. The sitting area inside the store is closed, though they’ve kept the drive-thru open for late-night travelers like yourselves who want a quick treat. You don’t question it, though; you definitely won’t pass up a chance for some ice cream.

You end up eating the ice cream while sitting in his car and listening to the rest of his playlist. Neither of you say much other than commenting on the songs or talking about your favorite ice cream flavors or making other non-committal small talk. You kind of prefer it this way, at least for the moment—just listening to the music and watching the headlights and taillights of cars that pass by.

You and Jaehyun ride around the city for a while longer after finishing the ice cream, not intending to go anywhere in particular but just coasting on the highways. It might be an excuse to keep listening to this new playlist he’s put on, or maybe more reason to pretend that awkward period between you never happened. Acknowledging it in a way, but not speaking any life into it. 

Eventually, though, it has to arise back to the surface. Jaehyun taps his fingers against the steering wheel at a red light, like he’s impatient to get somewhere, and you wonder what he’s feeling until he comes out and says,

“I think it was...ultimately my fault for not contacting you more. Or not trying to stay in contact.”

The words hang in the air for a moment. “Well, I won’t argue with that,” you finally respond.

“It’s just hard to get close to anyone and be an idol at the same time. Sometimes I sabotage myself when I shouldn’t, and…” He trails off, though you don’t know whether he’s searching for the words or has decided to leave his sentence at that.

“You’d rather not be embarrassed by dating a stripper, or something along those lines?” Your tone is nonchalant, though you’re a little bothered by saying it. He wouldn’t be the first or the last person to feel some type of way about your job, though you’ve mostly gotten used to the judgment at this point.

Jaehyun seems a bit startled by the statement. “If you like doing it, then I don’t care what you do. You should live your life however you want to.”

“I see,” you say slowly. “Most men I meet outside of the club are not receptive to it, so you ain’t gotta lie if you feel some other way about it, seriously...”

“I’m serious,” he insists. “You told me that day that you liked it, and I believed you. I just think...we should all be able to do things we enjoy without worrying about what others think of it.”

Jaehyun turns to look at you for a moment, and his features are lit up by the street light as it turns green. His face, which is simultaneously painted with shadows and glowing with light, appears to be just as genuine as he sounds. Or maybe this late-night atmosphere just has you feeling more receptive and sentimental than usual. Then he broaches the next subject carefully, steering you back to where the conversation began. “You didn’t text me anymore, either.”

“I figured you’d moved on or something, maybe started talking to someone else…” you reply. “And, you know, if that was the case...so be it. There wouldn’t be a point to chasing someone who wasn’t interested anymore.”

“I am interested.” Jaehyun rushes the words out, like he’s eager to dispel the uncertainty before you get the wrong idea; not that that hasn’t already happened, but still. It isn’t too late to change your mind. “I want to like, know you as a person...not just while being a customer at the club, or something like that.”

You nod, looking at your hands and considering his words. “We can do that...yeah, we can.” Then you hold your hand out to him, a grin playing on your lips. “Nice to meet you, then. I’m Y/N.”

He smiles too, and takes your hand in one of his. “I’m Jaehyun.”

The conversation after that seems to reach a turning point, like somehow you’ve broken the ice and can finally talk to each other on a deeper level without worrying about the issue that’s been lingering over your heads all night. You think you could talk to him like this for hours if you wanted to, if there was enough time in the world for it. 

Unfortunately, though, you don’t have as much time as you’d like, and once it starts edging on 4 AM, you both decide it’s probably best to call it a night. Jaehyun takes you back to your apartment after you tell him where it is.

He parks in front of the apartment complex, and you’re prepared to thank him for the night and get out, but he insists on walking you up to your apartment—something about it being too dangerous for women to walk alone at night.

“It’s not that far.” You laugh, but you aren’t going to argue about it if it means getting a few more moments with him.

Jaehyun follows you up the steps after you both get out of the car. You walk a little slower to prolong the moment, but eventually you have to get up to your apartment door. You also take your time with taking your keys out of your bag and putting them in the lock. And maybe you’re not as slick as you thought, because Jaehyun notices. He laughs quietly behind you, but the sound isn’t low enough to escape your hearing.

You turn around to look at him, your hand on the doorknob. “Well, I guess that’s it. Thanks for the ride...and for the ice cream, you know.”

He nods, and one of his dimples pokes out. “You didn’t have to entertain me tonight, but I’m glad you did...so, thanks.”

Both of you linger in your doorway for a few more moments. Jaehyun wants to come in, and you know it, but you also know he probably won’t say it because he technically shouldn’t. His members are expecting him back at the dorm. He doesn’t want to impose, and he didn’t even bring any extra clothes. But you know he wants to come in, and you want it, too.

You tilt your head to the side. “Would it be bad if I asked you to stay?” you say tentatively.

A slow smile spreads on his face. “No, it wouldn’t.”

You open the door wider so he can step inside and take his shoes off at the entrance. You lead him to your living room by the hand. “What do you wanna do?” you ask, looking at him imploringly. You want to be sure you’re both on the same page concerning your intentions.

“Whatever you wanna do,” he echoes, holding your hand a bit tighter. You expect to see lust or some similar desire in his expression and had already figured you might end up having sex again tonight, but his eyes expect nothing from you. He only smiles in the dim light of your apartment and waits for you to make the next move.

You laugh, and it comes out as an airy chuckle. “Well, then...I want to lay down. It’s been a long day.” From your tone, Jaehyun understands that you really just want to lie down and not think about much of anything else right now. He follows you when you lead him into your bedroom and sits patiently on your bed while you go to the bathroom to change into your night clothes. You’re thankful you already took a shower at the club, because you’re not sure you’d have the energy to do all that now.

He’s taken his jeans off when you come back into the room, though he still keeps his shirt on. You get onto the bed and lean over him, hooking your finger into the collar of his shirt, and he looks up at you. “You can take this off if you want, I don’t care.”

“Is this you saying you want to see me shirtless?” He grins, though he readily takes the invitation and pulls his shirt off, placing it to the side along with his pants.

You shake your head good-naturedly, a smile on your face. “I promise it’s innocent…but the view never hurts.”

You peel the sheets back and you both climb underneath them, lying across from each other and looking at each other like you want to say something more but aren’t sure what. There isn’t much light in the room except for the street lights coming from your bedroom window, muted slightly by the blinds.

Jaehyun laughs suddenly, breaking the silence, and you do the same. You’re not sure why either of you are laughing, but you do so anyway, simply enjoying the moment for what it is. After your laughter dies down, he takes your hand from where it’s resting on the pillow and slips his pinky around yours. “I’ll try not to lose you this time.”

You lean a little closer to his face so you can plant a kiss on his lips—just a short and soft touch. He tastes like ice cream, and somehow you know there will be many more kisses like this in the future. “You better not.”

[jamestrmtx]

Wish Upon a Night Sky - [Beastars | Various x Reader]

[Female, Sheep Reader | Slow Burn]

Act Six, Scene Two | Fight or Flight

[Act One Link] | [Act Six, Scene One Link] | [Act Six Scene Three Link]

Your hopes over maintaining a routine are put to the test the moment after you're done studying for the day. 

The library's locked, door refusing to so much as budge with your attempts at using force. With the others having parted ways from you more than an hour ago, you're left on your own, with no other choice but to look outside the window to see the hallways, these scarce of illumination and with not a person around as far as your line of sight goes.

Fearing you've been locked in, you try to open the door again, though you stop yourself at the sound of laughter, heard from outside. "A month," the voice says, chuckling. "That's all it took for you to become the 'next one'." You back away from the door, remaining cautious regardless of not seeing the person anywhere around. "I'm positive the next paper's headline will be enough to make everyone remember this isn't over yet. You've grown far too comfortable already, (Y/N)."

Fear pushes you to rummage through your bag, mind desperate to find any source of safety from its contents. From it, you retrieve a pocket knife and make sure everything's set in place to avoid being delayed, if the event of defending yourself really came to it. Wherever the person was, they were still outside, and whoever they were, they clearly intended to toy around with you before lashing out any sort of attack. 

"First a wolf and a rabbit, and now a wolf and a lamb?" Another laugh's let out, this one louder than the last. "I can understand why many still refer to you as a lamb rather than a sheep." A pause follows, sending a shiver down your body. "Sheep are supposed to be more grown and experienced, something you're not, little lamb."

Thunk.

Your gaze snaps to the noise, sounding near the voice, though there's nothing or nobody around by the time you look towards it.

Swallowing your tension, you hold onto the strap of your bag tighter than before and clutch the knife closer to you. The rule of never going out at night seems useless with your current situation, it still being five in the evening and your location the library. What makes the halls dark and brings your life to peril is having no lights turned on and being left alone to fend off whoever the owner behind the voice is. Had you known something like this would've been so close to happening, you would've followed Jack and the others not a second after they all gathered to leave.

Never go out at night.

What sense did that warning make now?

You're inside a library, and it's still evening!

That question stays on your mind as the thumps grow louder, these sending your thoughts into a scramble as you try to make sense of what could be producing them. While you weren't outside, you were alone and were still getting accustomed to how big the school was. If anything, the rule you'd been taught could use a little more wording now. Perhaps, 'have common sense; don't be dumb or negligent or both, and remember not to walk alone in unknown places', sounded better than simply isolating yourself from the world as soon as the sun fell and the clock struck seven. 

Thunk!

As a figure emerges into the library, your instincts kick in and you bleat out your fear, a sound you try to cover with a hand over your mouth while the rest of your body looks for a place to hide in. You go under the nearest table and blink away through blurry vision, tears unknowingly making their way out. Your breathing's shallow, yet you try to compose yourself to see who the person is. 

Rather than figuring out their identity, something near impossible to do with you tearing up and having fear eat up your vision, you hear laughter; muffled giggles, specifically. 

"I- I'm sorry," you hear Juno say, sounding genuinely apologetic despite her laughter. When you blink a few more times, you can see her clutching onto her stomach and her tail wagging. She has tears in her eyes, too, though for an entirely different reason compared to you. "I thought I'd go look for you since it was so late already, but I didn't exactly consider our situation here." She wipes her tears away and looks across the room, snout twitching as she sniffs around for you. "And I'm sorry to say this at a time like this, but that bleat was the cutest thing I've heard all day!" You tense and brace yourself when she nears your hiding place, involuntarily. "Hiding was good thinking, though, (Y/N)."

A few more sniffs, and she finally crouches down to your hiding level. Her eyes soften the second she sees you, a hand offered to you. "Can you stand?" she asks, still waiting. "I didn't mean to scare you."

Still shaken, you stare at her hand for a moment and bring your breaths back to a calmer level. You wipe yours against your skirt, leftover fear still making you perspire. She waits all the while, even after you take her hand and nod in response. "I'm... I'm okay," you reply, breathing out. "It was my fault." Your voice is stern, the plain risk you'd set yourself to one you remind yourself could've been easily avoided, had you been more conscious of the dangers that were still around. Common sense would've implied you not being alone for longer than necessary and having chosen to follow Jack back to your dorm. "I… I should've known it would be risky to be all alone like this." You can't bring yourself to tell her about the voice, wanting nothing more than to be out of this place and explain things to her after you regained some sense of clarity back into your thoughts. "I should've been more careful."

You let her hand go and fix your clothes, skirt having stained itself in the process of your hiding. Your throat hurts, though it's to be expected, given how long it's been since you last strained your vocal chords. Last time, you were only eight, and it was for you having snuck out and chosen to meet up with the neighbouring tiger family a few blocks across. Back then, you were more fearless, and the only reason for your fright had been due to you being caught in the way of making it back home unsuspecting.

"Still," Juno speaks up, bringing you out of those thoughts. "I forgot how careful we have to be now." She frowns, her entire body drooping as she meets with your eyes. "I almost forgot what we are. I… I almost forgot we were wolf and sheep, until I heard your cry and noticed it was let out of fear, not just surprise."

You gather your belongings again and follow her out of the library, steps slowed down to keep up with her pace. She's looking away from you now, gaze meeting with the little lighting left around the halls. Quiet falls as you wait for her to carry on, feeling as if she still has a lot more left to say. "Before I realized what I'd done, that sound was the most endearing thing I'd heard. But then I saw you weren't around, sniffed the air for you, and the gravity over what I'd done finally came to me."

Seeing she's lost herself in her thoughts, you tug at the sleeve of her shirt and try to voice out what's on your mind, "It's... It's really okay, Juno. Like I said, it was-"

Your questions over where the voice had come from are answered when you both stumble upon a new face, identity hidden by the poor lighting in where they stand. The wolf beside you snaps back to the present almost instantly, fur spiking as she bares her teeth at the figure. She takes a few steps back and pulls you along for you to do the same. Then, she holds your hand again, tighter as a growl leaves her mouth. 

When you see she's not intending to ask over the person's identity, it's then that you realize her reason for looking for you had been more than just to pick you up at the library. 

"So you thought you were 'one of them', huh?" the person asks, toothy smile glinting into view with the scarce lighting that shines over the person. "That's the most naive thing I've heard any carnivore say." Though it's too dark to see most of their face, you can tell when their eyes fall on you, making you grow more wary than you already are. "And you," they add, a laugh following after it. "What made you think you were ready for this school, if you let out a noise like that barely a month into you moving in? With that attitude, you're the easiest prey around, (Y/N)!"

Juno's hand loosens and moves up to your arm, grabbing it just as strongly. "Let's go," she whispers, teeth still clenched.

You hesitate, mind conflicted on whether to follow her along or confront the person over their words. The ones about you being negligent were noted and accepted, but calling out Juno for simply seeing you as her friend makes anger rise and cling onto your thoughts. Fear balances itself with a sudden need to defend, and you can only face at the person with a glare, the hand on your arm reminding you over the growing danger of your situation.

Whoever the person before you was, it didn't exactly erase the fact you were pissed off at those words, Juno's good intentions resonating with you.

• • •

Apologies for the author's note on the last update! I got my IRL schedule mixed up and thought it was Wednesday instead of Monday when I posted the chapter, so that conflicted with this story’s update schedule mentioned previously. (AKA: The holidays left me unaware of the concept of time, lol.)

As a result, I've fixed the author's note on the last chapter to avoid any future readers' confusion, and I’ve now fixed up and re-established the update schedule as such:

Twice a week on Wednesdays and Saturdays until reaching Act Twelve, then once a week on Wednesdays after that chapter!

[thewritingginger]

Valentine’s Day In

This is a bit late to say the least, I was hoping to post this on Valentine’s Day but school work had my ass occupied so for the past week I was going back and forth between school work and writing 😒 

Also I know I have a bajillion wips todo, a few of which are Valentine’s Day prompts 

bUt

I got a super cute fluffy idea for Valentine’s Day and the motivation came to me so I hope we can let it slide for now. Right?  😅

Anyways I hope you enjoy ~ Also I wrote this while listening to THIS, so if you want you can listen to it while you read as well :3

Fandom: Obey Me! Pairing: Satan x GN! Reader  Word Count:  2,866 words Warning(s): Cheesy, kinda rom-com-y, probably not perfect lol

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

The forecast was said to be sunny with slight cloudiness. When you opened the window this morning the sky was indeed cloudy, but instead of sun it was matched with a downpour.

You and Satan had planned the whole day together.

Starting with a relaxing morning of talking and reading in eachothers arms. Then to go for a walk around town, window shopping till dinner time. But since it was stormy outside and you weren’t really in the mood to get dressed up to then get soaked.

But although going out wasn’t really an option anymore, you were still going to spend your day relaxing with Satan as you’ve already planned.

The agenda was already in motion as you and Satan started your day having breakfast together, followed by hanging out in his room reading and cuddling. When it came to be around noon you went to take a shower. Once you were out, your hair still damp, you headed back to Satan’s room. But when you knocked on his door and opened it, the room was empty.

“Hmm.” Since he wasn’t in his room, you went to the study. But came to find he wasn’t there either, infact, he wasn’t anywhere in the house. ‘Where the hell is he?’ Letting out a sigh, you headed back to your room and texted him.

Y/n: “Hey, where are you?”

Satan: “Sorry, something came up and I didn’t get a chance to tell you. I should be home in a couple hours. 💚

Closing your messages you sigh, falling onto the plush mattress of your bed.

Since Satan wouldn't be around for a while you spent your time doing some work. In the time waiting for him you finished up an assignment for class and tidied up your room a bit. Nothing too exciting but it beat just sitting around. While scrolling through Devilgram you got another message from the awaited demon.

Satan: “I’m probably gonna be another hour or so.”

Sitting up in bed, feeling a bit defeated, you leave to go downstairs. On your way down you ran into Beel and Belphie. “Hey, Y/n.”

“Hey, Beel. Whatcha guys up to?”

“Nothing much, actually we wanted to see if you wanted to come hang out for a bit.”

Considering the request, you accept. “Sure, why not. Satan won't be home for a bit longer anyways.” You say, a bit sadder than you intended.

“Great! I got some new snacks I want you to try. Come on.” Beelzebub says with a smile, throwing his arm over your shoulder.

~~~

It had been awhile since you’ve entered the twins room. The time was spent eating different treats and chatting. Feeling ready to leave you stood up, “Well I think Imma head out. I had a lot of fun with you guys but I don’t want to intrude anymore.”

“Wait!” Beel says. Belphegor sighs at his brother's outburst.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothings wrong.” Belphegor corrects. “It’s just that we don’t get to spend much time with you it seems. With you dating Satan and all, Beel just thought we could have you around a bit longer.”

You frown a bit. “I’m sorry guys, I didn’t know you felt that way.”

“Yeah, yeah. Just sit back down.”Belphie sighs, making you laugh.

~~~

Knock. Knock. Knock.

“Door’s open.” Beel hollars, not looking up  from the card game the three of you are playing. The door opens,

“There you are.” You turn towards the familiar voice to see the man you’ve been waiting for. “Sorry I kept you waiting.”

“You should be.” You sass.

“Mind if I take her from you guys?” Satan asks his brothers. They nod their heads, engrossed by their game. Putting your cards down you say your goodbyes to leave the room with Satan. Once the door is closed you smack his chest, causing him to laugh. “Woah, easy.”

“You know, you left me high and dry, right?” You cross your arms, brow raised.

“Yes, yes I did. Won’t you forgive me?” Placing his hands on your hips, he looks down at you with his gemstone eyes.

“Fine! But don’t think I’ll let it slide again.”

“I wouldn’t expect it.” He smiles, punctuating his sentence with a chased kiss.

Back at your bedroom, you walk in while Satan stays on the other side of the door. “Well, aren’t you gonna come in?” You say.

“Nope. That’s because I’m leaving you to get dressed.”

“Wait, why?” You asked, confused.

“You’ll just have to find out, won’t you.” He grins, “Now get dressed. I’ll wait for you downstairs.” Before you can say anything else, he closed the door. And with that you spent the next hour getting ready.

Stepping in front of a mirror you take a look at your work. Wearing your best outfit, admiring how the rich green fabric accentuates your body perfectly. Your hair styled. Face fresh. Brushing the invisible wrinkles from your front you head to the stairs. From the top you see Satan standing at the bottom, dressed in his finest suit. His eyes light up when they land on you, a smile accompanying the starlight gaze.

Descending the staircase you take your time letting your eyes wander down his frame.  His hair is combed back, allowing a clear view of his shape features. His body’s adorned with a well fitted suit, the breast pocket housing a pocket square in his signature color. Trailing your vision down to where his hands join at his stomach. A bouquet of peonies resides between his palms.

Nearing the end of the staircase he extends his hand, guiding you down the last few steps. Standing before him he looks down at you, words yet to be spoken between you. Bringing your hand to his lips he places a kiss on your knuckles.

“You look perfect.” He confesses, almost in a whisper as if speaking to himself. “These are for you.” Offering your hands the flowers, he smiles.

Looking down at the bouquet you admire the layered petals in variants of blush pink. Taking a breath of the sweet smell you sigh. “They’re gorgeous, Satan. You didn’t have to get me any~.” You’re cut off by a strong arm taking yours.

“Of course I did. Every beautiful person deserves the small treasures of life.” His voice is like butter. The way each syllable rolls off his tongue effortlessly, always seeming to have an answer for everything.

“Where are you taking me?”

“You’ll see.” He says with a wink.

Reaching the back of the house you are led to a door that leads into another study of sorts.

Upon opening the door you hear soft jazz and the fireplace crackling in the air. Looking around you see candles lit and flowers everywhere. A few vases of the same pink flowers in your hands scattered around the room and petals trailing a path through double-doors that lead to a patio area that has a full view of the lush garden with a pond. Outside under the covering you see a table set for two with more candles littered about. A bottle of wine and two glasses reside there waiting for you. Breathing in the smell of the earth mixed with the rain you sigh.

You’re speechless. The music. The setting. Him. It’s all perfect.

“Oh, Satan. This is… amazing. How~ When?” Your mind is racing.

“I’ve been working on it all day. Since we couldn’t go out for Valentine’s Day, I thought I’d bring it to us. Do you like it?” He asks, worried he might have done too much.

Placing your bouquet on the table, you turn around to wrap your arms around his shoulders, drawing him in for a kiss.

Pulling back you gaze into his eyes, your fingers gently raking through his golden locks. “I love it.” Satan smiles, relieved. ”So, I’m guessing that’s why Beel and Belphie asked me to hang out. You just needed a distraction, and here I thought they actually missed me.”

“Well, truthfully, I did ask them to make sure you didn’t come downstairs. Though, what they did to accomplish that I had no part in. But enough about that, please ~.” Satan says, gesturing at the quaint table. “Would you like to sit down?” Satan asks, pulling out your chair. Accepting his invitation you sit down. His fingers linger awhile after  pushing you in, as he makes his way to the other side of the table. Handing you a glass of wine he poured, your fingers hold his for a moment before separating once again. “You’re not cold are you?”

You shake your head. “No, I’m fine.” You were definitely more than fine, you actually began to feel a bit warm. The way his eyes look over you. Unable to read what he must be thinking. Your guesses and wishes of what those thoughts may be only made you warmer. Shaking yourself from those thoughts you relax into your chair.

Sitting in comfortable silence. The music playing, lulls you into a trance. Sipping your wine you sway to the mellow notes. You don't notice right away how Satan is watching you. His chin propped on his hand, a smile pulling at the corners of his lips. When you see him eyeing you, you sit up straight and laugh a bit. You feel your cheeks heat up slightly. 

Getting up, Satan offers you his hand once again.

“Won't you dance with me?”

“Of course.” You say, taking his hand.

Standing in the middle of the covered area, your left hand enclosed in his as your right rests on his shoulder. His strong arm wraps around your back holding you close. Swaying to the notes playing in the air, you rest your head on his chest. Breathing in the scent of his cologne mixed with his natural musk. His cheek rests upon your head, pressing a gentle kiss in your hair.

Looking up, your eyes meet, foreheads touching. His eyes alone are enough to speak a thousand words for him. They tell you everything he doesn’t.

They compliment you. Say how much they adore you. They say, ‘I need you!’

In this silent conversation your free hand moves to cup his cheek. The sweet touch makes him sigh into you. Reachin up he holds your wrist to kiss your palm. His eyes, never leaving yours. You can’t help the giggle that leaves your throat. The sweet yet sensual motion creates butterflies in your stomach.

Releasing you, allowing your hand to resume its place on his shoulder as his, goes to rest on your hip.

“You know I love you, right?” He says. A flirtatious glint in his eye.

“Well of course you do. It’s only natural.” You say playfully making him laugh. His toothy grin makes your heart flutter.

“Is that so? Then tell me Y/n, what else is ‘only natural’?”

Your breath gets caught in your throat for a moment. No matter how long you’ve been together he still somehow manages to make you flustered and giddy. Biting your lip in thought, you smile.

“Well, ignoring the fact you’re a demon and I’m a human.” You start. Pulling another low chuckle from the blonde. “I’d say, this moment and every other moment shared between us is. Being with you, whether in sweatpants on your bed or dressed up like we are now, every minute spent with you is perfect.”

“So you’re telling me I didn’t have to do all this then? I wished you told me sooner, it would’ve saved me a lot of time” He says with a chuckle and slapping his shoulder only made him laugh harder. But you couldn’t help but laugh along with him.

“You think you’re so funny, huh?”

“Well I’d like to think I’m quite humorous” He says, pulling your waist into his. Leaning down for a kiss but you pull away.

“Is that so? Then prove it.”

He studies your challenging eyes. Kissing his teeth he accepts your jab. “Ok. Then how do you suspect I’ll do that?”

“Hmm.” You look to the side, pondering the question. Then an idea popped in your head. “Ok Mr. Humorous, why don’t you prove to me just how fun you can be by jumping into the pond.” You say, holding back a smile. Seeing him process your request, you are about to laugh when you see him beginning to take off his blazer. “What are you doing?”

“What does it look like? I’m doing as you asked.” He says with a smirk.

You watch him remove his blazer and button up, followed by his shoes and socks. Standing straight in all his shirtless glory you take a moment to appreciate his physique. His smooth skin stretched over toned muscles. The flexing of his arm as he moves to sweep his hair back to look at you.

“What are you waiting for? Take off your shoes, unless you want to get them dirty.” He says. You let out a hum as his words shake you from your thoughts. He laughs, as if knowing what had you distracted. “You didn’t really think I’d be walking out there alone did you? I expect you to help me out since you’re the reason I’m going to be in there.”

“Fine. But only if I get to push you in.” You say taking off your shoes. He smiles at your requirement.

“Fine by me.”

Holding your jacket over your head to shield yourself from the rain as much as possible you and Satan begin to walk across the grass.

At the pond Satan turns to you, “So are you gonna push me in or do I have to jump in?” Laughing at his question but mostly at his appearance. Already drenched without stepping a single foot into the water.

“Oh I’m gonna push you in.” You say. Inching to the edge of the pond, ready to push Satan in. When your hands make contact with his hot skin a hand wraps around your wrist and before you knew it you were going down with him.

Splashing into the water you come up gasping at the frigid temperature. “Satan!” You say splashing water in his face. All you can hear is the rain and the hearty laugh coming from the demon’s chest. Slicking your hair out of your face you look at the man still laughing. “It’s not funny!” Though despite your words you couldn’t suppress the laugh that comes out of your mouth as well.

“It’s pretty funny if you ask me.”

“That was not part of the deal.”

“Well actually, our deal was you get to push me in. Nowhere in that agreement did we state I couldn’t pull you in with me.” He says, stepping closer to you. His strong arms holding you close edging away the cold around you.

“Well remind me next time to cover all bases because that was cheap and you know it.”

“They don’t call me a demon for nothing.” He says. His voice low, a small smirk playing his lips. Droplets of water fall from the loose strands of hair around his face.

“You look like a wet dog.” You say, pushing his wet hair back.

“I think we both do but that doesn’t matter, right? What was it you said earlier? No matter where we are, as long as we are together, it's perfect? Well to that I couldn’t agree more.” His words make you smile, warmth fills your chest. Wrapping your arms around his shoulders, pulling him in. Once your lips touch the arms around your body tightens, lifting you up. Encircling your legs around his waist your kiss deepens. Your tongues dancing with one another. The taste and feeling of him sends electricity through you. Your fingers coil in his wet locks. Everything around you faded away. You couldn’t feel the rain or hear the music playing in the house anymore. Your senses are completely consumed by him. His touch. His smell. Everything. You wanted it all. You couldn’t care less where you were at this moment. You’d sooner let yourself drown in the water around you than let go of him. How can one person have such an affect on you?

Pulling away, both catching your breaths, your foreheads resting against each other. Though separated, the heat between you two is ever-present. His large hand cradles your cheek, keeping you close. His eyes shut for a moment to collect himself before looking back to you. His gaze is softer than before,

“I love you more than you know. Thank you for being mine.” Your chest swells. Stocking his cheek you kiss his lips once more.

“You don’t need to thank me, Satan. But I will ask you to warn me next time you decide to throw me in water.” You tease, but you both know you don’t really mind how things turned out.

“Let’s go back inside and warm up by the fire.” He smirks.

“I’d love that.”

Satan carried you back to the study where the rest of the night was spent by the fire where many more heated touches were shared. Maybe getting soaked in the rain wasn’t so bad after all.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------- Oh lord she can never post anything on time or in a timely manner huh? . . . Nope! :)

But I hope you enjoyed this somewhat. I know it’s not perfect but I still think it’s pretty cute. Cheesy ... but cute :3

I hope you had a good Valentines day with your 2D or 3D baes.

Till next post ~ 💛💛💛

[galacticlamps]

Tagged by @the--highlanders​ ! Thanks!

How many works do you have on AO3?

13

What’s your total AO3 word count?

76,200

(oh what a nice even number - I should try to mess that up as soon as possible, shouldn’t I?)

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Aw man is this intentionally worded to be really hard to answer? I get that it says ‘written’ and not ‘posted’ but then what constitutes a ‘fandom?’ I definitely wrote fics for stuff I was interested in long before I even knew the word ‘fic’ - I did it throughout my childhood, and then in high school, and while I didn’t do it as much in college, it still happened from time to time. So a lot of the books/movies/tv shows/plays/musicals I wrote things for aren’t really fandoms, and frankly, I had to check my old folder just now to even remember some of them existed. I’ll just list the ones that I know for sure had fandoms, since that’s more fun (and embarrassing), right?

Obviously Doctor Who, classic and modern, Torchwood, Sherlock Holmes (ironically more of these seem to be about the books, but yes, I will admit, some for that tv show too), Les Mis, a couple different Marvel comics & movies, Good Omens, hell, I even found a Night Vale fic in there just now.

And I know there are other older things not even in that folder, some of which never made it to a computer at all, so if I had to ballpark a number I’d probably say around 25ish but really, who knows?

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Across the Gap

On the Spot

Expectations

Shards of Memories & Fragments of Glass

Itemized

(this was fun, I’d never noticed Ao3 even had a stats page until now lol)

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I try to! Sometimes I take a long time to do so but for the most part, I usually get around to it. The rare exception would be if I first saw the comment when I was super busy/distracted and then felt like way too much time passed before I noticed it again, that it might be awkward if I said something at that point.

I do genuinely enjoy hearing what people think, but I’m also weirdly terrified of making anyone feel like they have to reply to my comments. I know that’s probably a little strange, but it’s actually a large part of why I made this Ao3 account in the first place - my original one, from high school, is followed by some long-time friends of mine who aren’t interested in this fandom, some of whom are involved in art & writing professionally. The thought of anyone like that reading something I wrote out of friendliness or even just curiosity and potentially having to pretend they liked it for the same reasons stressed me tf out, so I like having this virtually anonymous one because I can relax knowing that anyone who reads or interacts with something I wrote has probably done so only because they wanted to, rather than feeling obligated, and there’s no pressure on them to be nice to me about it if anything I write or post annoys them - so I really hope nobody who does just know me as an anonymous blog has ever worried about offending me by not replying to something, trust me, I’m perfectly happy with it!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I don’t think I’ve really written any angsty endings? I guess the answer would have to be Reckless just because it involves the characters arguing about sad/weighty things and there isn’t really any solution to those issues - but even then I think I ended it with a kind of acceptance that stops it from really qualifying as angst? I also set it in the the same universe as other fics, so maybe that doesn’t even count as an ending? Am I that bad at ending things on angst? Lol

Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Obviously none of the fics I’ve posted are crossovers but I’m trying to think now if any of my WIP’s are - I’ve definitely poached setting/premise ideas from other media, but in terms of actual crossovers . . . I’ve got a few cross-era or cross-Doctor, a few involving Torchwood, but that’s already the same universe, so the only thing that’d qualify as a true crossover would be some vague pieces of a fic where Jamie, Zoe, and Two end up on the Enterprise, since I think the 60s series of Star Trek and Dr Who feel kind of compatible, don’t they? In fact, aren’t there like officially licensed crossover comics or something? Or did I make that up? Idk, and the ideas are very loose, so it’s not much of a WIP either

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Nope, never

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I’ve never written smut, but I’m wondering if it’s possible that could change soon. There’s a longish multi-chapter fic I’ve been working on for a frankly embarrassing amount of time, and the plot does call for a sex scene at one point towards the end, but I can’t seem to make up my mind on how - uh, I guess the word is explicit? - it should get. I know I could easily do a fade to black/implication thing, but it’s kind of a source of contention and anxiety for the characters, so to skip over writing the actual scene and just revisit them afterwards rings of “and they slept together and now everything’s fine!” which feels kinda cheap to me - in this context, anyway - and not the right payoff for a long fic that’s otherwise more of an interpersonal drama/slightly a period piece, if I had to place it in a genre. I feel like my aversion to actually writing the scene might just be prudishness I should get over, or maybe just self-doubt, because I know I’d rather have a well-written, funny, character-development-supporting sex scene than nothing at all, but since I’ve never had any interest in writing a scene like that before, I don’t know if I can do it well, and I also don’t want to ruin a fic I’m otherwise proud of by doing it badly... ugh I have to figure this out

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I seriously doubt it

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

What’s your all time favorite ship?

I mean, it’s gotta be Two & Jamie. I’ve shipped things before with varying levels of investment, but I’ve never been able to use the term ‘otp’ in a literal sense until I came across them, and now it’s already basically gone out of fashion, go figure!

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I’m not sure if I have one? My WIP doc is huge, but I don’t actually intend to get around to finishing everything in it, so I’d like to think that anything I’ve currently singled out to complete can actually get done.

That said, I do have a few AU’s that I don’t really plan to finish, but it might be cool if I could. Two of them are for all the main + some supporting characters of the Second Doctor’s era - one’s a modern day school teachers AU, and the other is a typical fantasy/fairy tale AU. Another is just Two/Jamie, based on Doctor Faustus (specifically the Marlowe play version) but right now there are two different versions of the ending coexisting in my head. I’ve written parts of scenes & some gen. backstory for all of those ideas, but I don’t know if I’ll ever try to finish them, or what form a finished product would even take - a series of one-shots set in the same universe? one long multi-chapter fic with some kind of overarching plot? And the amount of context/worldbuilding a big AU like these would require might not make them very appealing fics for people to read, so maybe it is better if I just keep them to myself, since in my head I already know what’s going on in those worlds lol.

What are your writing strengths?

I honestly don’t know. I haven’t had a creative writing class since middle school, and since then I’ve only ever shown creative writing to others in a fandom context, so it’s been a while since I’ve discussed it or gotten critical feedback. I suppose when I work in other arts or even academic writing contexts, people usually say I’m kind of insightful or at least detail oriented, which might just be another way of saying I overthink things, but I like to imagine I’m decent at finding little points of interest to expand upon.

What are your writing weaknesses?

If you’ve read this far I feel like you must know what I’m about to say: I do not know how to be concise.

Usually when I’m writing a fic, I put down the dialogue first on its own, leaving out the action of the scene and whatever plot/context led there, even if I’ve already figured all of that out. But then when I go to add those things in, they’re always longer than I wanted them to be. I don’t mind writing something long, but I don’t want my fics to be a slog to get through either, and there can be a point at which the stuff I’ve added for context overwhelms the stuff that I wanted the fic to be about in the first place, so it becomes a structural/proportion issue too. I haven’t completely given up on any fics because of this yet, but there’s one I’ve been struggling with for a couple months now - probably because I’m even second-guessing myself on which scenes need to be written out and which can just be referenced like a recap. Hopefully I figure that one out soon.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

((this is karma isn’t it? i posted a fic last week with two words of gaelic in it and was worried about that and now this is karma))

In general, I don’t want to do it. I feel like you’ve gotta have a really good grasp of a language to write dialogue & speech patterns for someone who’s a native speaker, and since I’m far from fluent in any language the characters I write for are, I wouldn’t feel confident writing any significant amount of dialogue in, say, Gaelic.

As a sidenote, though, I kinda love it when other people do it, particularly for Jamie. Irish (Gaeilge) and Scottish (Gàidhlig) are both languages I’ve wanted to learn for a long time, because my family’s fresh out of living speakers of either & I think that’s a shame, but I started with Irish and at the moment I’m still very much learning it. As different as they are, it still helps me understand parts of lyrics or texts that I come across in Gàidhlig fairly frequently, so when it comes up in a fic I get to feel like I’m being responsible and practicing, and it’s great when I can actually understand what’s being said.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I’m gonna go with Harry Potter even though that’s probably not a perfectly accurate answer - it’s almost certainly the first thing that has a fandom that I ever wrote for, but it was in a notebook when I was a kid and never something that I even typed on a computer, much less posted online or shared with other members of a fandom. But even then, I’m sure it wasn’t the first pre-existing fictional universe I ever set an original story in, because I did that a lot when I was a kid, it’s just hard to remember those clearly or on any kind of timeline.

What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

I’m very partial to Across the Gap, so I was pleasantly surprised to see that ranked first on the kudos thing above - but I’ve also got a soft spot for So Merrily We’ll Sing. It’s so self-indulgent it feels silly saying ‘it was so easy to write!’ but I guess having a fic that’s already just 100% headcaonons and fluff tied together by a song you really love does prevent it from being much of a labor (I also managed to refrain from making that one unnecessarily long, so that’s another win there)

tagging @terryfphanatics and anyone else who wants to do it - sorry I’m bad at remembering whose tumblr goes with whose Ao3 account, but I really would be interested to read this if anyone else feels like answering them!

[gottlem]

“You are very endearing when you are half-asleep.” with lemonjuice !!! pls

hihi !! this is written in the favourite song universe bc i know it lives in ur mind rent free lol. i hope u like more songwriter juice :)) also i accidentally made this kinda long but imo u can never have too much fluffy lemonjuice (also also i havent proof read this and im tired so pls forgive me if its not at 100%)

“You are very endearing when you’re half-asleep”

Juice and Lemon’s relationship bloomed brightly as the months continued to pass. Time flew by so quick they found themselves in the run-up to their one year anniversary in what felt like absolutely no time at all. In Juice’s eyes, not much had changed, not really. They saw each other just as much (every day), and acted almost exactly the same, probably because they had been in love with each other the whole time anyway, the only difference was that now they never quite found a way to keep themselves off of one another. A year ago, they were almost shy with their physical contact, Lemon never being one for too much contact, and Juice wanting to bury her feelings down, only to spill her heart out into notebooks and Instagram posts. But now their hands automatically intertwined, or Lemon’s arm would snake its way around Juice’s waist. They got used to it pretty quickly once they had confessed their feelings.

Juice didn’t feel too much pressure to do anything fancy for their anniversary. It was more than enough to acknowledge it, and simply spend some time with her girlfriend. Gifts weren’t really any of their love languages, both of them opting for quality time and plenty of physical contact - if you asked Juice, she was the reason Lemon was now a hugger. 

And even though they had agreed and no gifts, Juice did have one thing in mind, she just wanted to do it well. She was going to write a song for Lemon. Sure she had already done this, she had been doing this since before they even got together, and Lemon had heard each and every one, but this one was going to be special. She was going to write the love song of all love songs, just for Lemon. She was going to share it nowhere, it would be their own little secret, something they could enjoy in private. She just had to write it.

Turns out, writing the love song of all love songs is kind of exhausting, and also just a bit of a challenge. Juice had had enough practise, she had written countless songs inspired by Lemon, completing most of them in half an hour or less, but this one was going to be special. Most love songs are universalised - just vague enough to be applied to most situations. They include the butterflies and the pining, and at most, maybe an eye colour. But that’s not what Juice wanted. Because Lemon was one in a million. There was not one other person out there for Juice, so why should she write a song that could be about anyone but Lemon? She went as far as to make a little plan on a scrap piece of paper, digging deep into her memories of how many times she had made Juice laugh, and when she first realised she had fallen (hard). It was going to be undoubtedly about Juice and Lemon. Filled with things only they would understand. That's what would make it special. 

Their anniversary was on Saturday, so on Friday, Juice rushed home from school as soon as the bell rang to finish Lemon’s song. Luckily, Lemon had a family thing, so she wouldn’t be joining Juice as she normally would, they were planning to spend all of Saturday together anyway, so a couple hours didn’t matter much. Unfortunately for Juice, it had been a long week. She had been trying to make progress on her song, but essays and assignments kept getting in the way. It was as if her teachers knew she needed some spare time, and decided to completely fuck that up for her. By 6pm, Juice felt herself yawning far too often than she was used to. She had turned her phone off so she didn’t get distracted, deciding that she just wanted to get this song perfected, and then she could turn it back on. 

In hindsight, she should have kept her phone on, because at 6:30pm, her bedroom door creaked open, to reveal Lemon, grinning from ear to ear and as cute as ever, but completely unannounced. She must have been let in, and Juice mustn’t have even heard her knock. She rushed to flip over the many sheets of paper she had lying around her bed, some slightly crumpled, some with circles around phrases, and lines going through others. But it was too late, Lemon would see right through her, knowing she's past the point of hiding her songs from her girlfriend. 

Lemon wore a baggy yellow hoodie (because of course) she had bought after giving her original one to Juice and never getting it back, and a pair of white shorts which were only barely poking out from under the hoodie. She had a backpack slung on one shoulder, which she quickly dropped to the floor before closing the bedroom door. There was just something adorably domestic about Lemon showing up in pyjamas that Juice still hadn’t learned to not silently freak out about.

“Hi, what ‘cha writing?” Lemon sat herself down at the edge of Juice’s bed, picking a piece of paper which, thank God, was almost completely illegible. 

“It’s a secret,” Juice winked, “I thought I wouldn’t see you till tomorrow, what happened to the family thing?” Lemon giggled, shuffling closer to Juice and giving her a quick loving peck on the lips.

“It wasn’t all that important, don’t worry. Besides, I’d rather be here” In lieu of a response, Juice just yawned, exhausted from the week. 

“Am I keeping you up, princess?” Lemon chuckled at the guilt that temporarily flashed through her girlfriend’s eyes, even though Juice knew she could never be mad at her. She knew it had been a long week for Juice, having to put up with constant complaints about how tired she was, so Lemon picked up the papers scattered around the bed, using all of her self control to avoid reading the scribbled lyrics (she had a feeling they were about her, but if Juice wanted it to be a secret then it would stay that way), and picked out some pyjamas for Juice to get changed into. 

Juice barely even noticed Lemon buzzing around her room, instead her eyes were drifting in and out of focus, trying to stay open. She was snapped out of her little trance when Lemon lightly shook her shoulder and quickly kissed her cheek, dropping the pyjamas in front of her. Juice just looked at them, too tired to understand that Lemon had gotten them out for her to change into.

“...Do you want me to close my eyes? I don’t mind, but let’s be honest it's nothing I haven't seen before” Lemon’s voice managed to catch Juice’s attention long enough for her to perk up enough to function again (even if was moving a little slowly).

“Oh! No, you’re fine, I’m just falling asleep. I promise you’re not boring” Juice stood up, fully intending to quickly change and get into bed as soon as possible, but the sudden movement threw her off a little bit, so she found herself standing still for a minute, just until she felt human again. Turns out, she was frozen for a little longer than she thought, because she heard Lemon giggling.

“Oh my god, Juicey, do you need me to help you? Because I will if it means you will go to bed. I’ve never seen you this tired before” Juice, giving in, just nodded her head, which caused Lemon to almost cackle as she started to get Juice into her pyjamas. Juice just rolled her eyes.

When she was finished, Lemon gave Juice a quick kiss at the top of her head. “There you go, shortass”

“Hey! I’m not even that much shorter than you” Juice argued sleepily, her words were dragged out and ever so slightly slurred.

“You are very endearing when you are half asleep. Now let's get you into bed, princess” Juice gave a content hum of agreement.

The bed was warm, and Juice clung onto Lemon like a koala as soon as they got under the covers. It didn’t take long for her to drift off as Lemon brushed her fingers through her hair, but before she fully fell asleep, she made sure to whisper an “I love you, Lemmy”

“I love you too, now go to sleep”

[bellatrixobsessed1]

I’m curious. How is your bully like Zuko? BTW this isn’t to dismiss you’re experience - I used to be bullied in Middle School and the bullies reminded my of Azula which made it hard for me to like her (also like the bullies from Carrie). So I’m intrigued to see the POV of someone thats bullied by someone thats like a character that isn’t a bully. BTW I’m not a Zuko fan girl

So little warning here for some mentions of violence and abuse.

Actually that's a fair question. There was this kid in my class who was prone to angry outbursts. My most vivid memory of him was when I was in a home ec class (for those who don't know its a cooking and sewing class that everyone was required to take). I sat at across from him. One day we were working with irons and ironing boards and this kid looked at myself, the girl next to me and the person next to him and told us that if any of us accidentally burned his finger that he'd smash the hot iron into our faces. I had to sit across from him the whole year.

 I did feel bad for him because it was known that he did have problems at home and that he was a victim. But he was still terrifying to be around because 1. he raised his voice a lot (something I already had a problem with but that's a different story) 2. anything could set him off at any time and 3. he was prone to getting into physical altercations with classmates. 

 Zuko prior to redemption was very easy to set off, constantly yelled and snapped, and would physically lash out. Like if pre-redemption Zuko was a real person he'd scare the hell out of me. I absolutely can't stand raised voices because my dad (though he never got physical) would get really loud with me. Raised voice don't send me into panic attacks or anything but they make me very uncomfortable and tense. 

 Also going to note that my dad got the help he needed and we've been in good standing for years now. Tbh now that I think about it, I think that Zuko reminds me more of my dad than said bully. And this is why I can't call Zuko evil or irredeemable. Because my dad was't evil and irredeemable. Like how I can't call Azula irredeemable because my sister wasn't. Basically I come from a family that struggles with mental illness and so I have trouble saying that Azula (and even pre-redemption Zuko) were evil. They were both just messed up kids from a messed up situation. Just like my dad was and just like my sister was. Frankly I very well could have been in my sister's place. 

That's the other thing about bullies; they come in all forms. I've seen people with personalities like Toph's (badass, sarcastic, tough girl) act as bullies. I've seen people like Katara (motherly, political, and fierce) act like bullies--think of those people who think that their opinions are the only right one. One of my other bullies was sort of like Sokka. This kid was the class clown and everyone though he was hilarious (even I did at times) but then he would make jokes at my expense. Sokka and Jet can also represent those guys who did the 'hur hur, my friend thinks you're pretty/wants to date you' crap. I firmly believe that anyone can be a bully. Any personality type can be used for good and evil so to speak. You can be like Sokka and use humor to be funny or you can use it to hurt someone. You can be like Katara, strong-willed and opinionated and direct that to positive change or you can use it to perpetrate bigotry. You can have a personality like Azula's (sharp, clever, and charismatic) and you can use that to be cleverness to hurt people or you can use it to problem solve and make changes. 

 And one more note. I can see how my last two posts can be dismissive of people who were bullied by people like Azula. I know that you didn't say that, but I feel like this should be noted anyhow. That's not my intent because stories like yours are should be considered just as much as stories like mind. I can definitely understand why you and others would be off put by a character like Azula. What I was trying to get at with my other two posts was that there are other perspectives out there and that it is very possible that someone associates the character you (well not you specifically, just in general) stan with someone who bullied them. I just don't think that it's fair to assume that someone hasn't experienced bullying or abuse because their experience isn't like one's own. It's less fair to assume that someone is an abuse apologist because they favor antagonists. The way a lot of antis talk makes it sound like Azula fans condone bullying and abuse when the truth is that most of us understand that she has done messed up shit that we don’t condone, we just believe that she can still be helped. I have heard several stories now about people who used to be like Azula but changed for the better. These people feel demoralized or awful because many antis talk as though there is no room for growth not just for Azula but for real people who relate to her and have made mistakes like hers in the past. That was a bit longer than intended.

I hope all of that answers your question and makes sense. Thank you for the ask and for being respectful about it!

Also wasn’t sure if I should tag Zuko in this or not because I don’t feel like it’s hate. If you want me to remove Zuko from the tags let me know because I don’t want to be a hypocrite lol.

[writeroftheprompts]

Back to School Tips

A lot of you might be going back to school soon (like me) or have just started. Since I’m starting my fifth year of uni (it’s a six year program 🙃) I figured I would share some of my findings. These things have gotten me through four years of university so far while working part-time with a great GPA, decent sleep, and time for myself. School is damn hard and I’ve made plenty of mistakes and had plenty of break downs but it doesn't have to be as bad as it seems.

Plan. Your. Shit. Listen, listen, I know this is what everybody and your mother tells you to do but there’s a reason. The thing is you need to plan ahead as much as you can in the best way that works for you. The next four points are about planning and getting organized and it’s what works best for me so maybe it can help you or you can incorporate some of those points in your own technique. But whatever you do. Plan your shit.

Use a calendar. If you are in college/uni you probably have a syllabus from your classes that breaks down what your readings will be and at least roughly when assignments and tests will be. In September an essay that is due in mid October seems like a far away problem, and realistically it is, but that doesn't mean it can't help you plan. Go through the syllabi and mark down when each things will be due. I like using the calendar app on my phone/laptop and make a different “calendar” for each subject with a different colour so that I can see everything easily. This can help you see things better at a glance and help you plan other things that pop up in the future.

Break down your time. If you can break down your time into specific chunks of time it will help you focus on that task and also allow you to rest. For me, I plan what I’m going to work on during my commute to campus (I take transit) and depending on my schedule I’ll also plan out chunks between classes or specific chunks when I’m at home. The key is SPECIFIC chunks, not just “On Tuesday I'm going to do X”. These chunks keep you accountable to yourself so you don't keep procrastinating it later in the day, help get your mind set on the task, keep you organized, make the task seem more manageable by creating a limit, and also help you allow yourself to relax. If you tell yourself “I’m going to work on my paper between 11am-1pm” and you buckle down and do it for those hours, then you can rest easier and not feel as guilty during your down time that you aren't working on something else now. You planned what needed to be done, assigned the chunk, and now it’s time to relax. Breaks. And. Rest. Are. Necessary. 

Build a routine. I like to plan out 1-2 weeks ahead of time. On Sunday I will plan out my studying for the next two weeks, as best as I can because there are always unknowns and things that pop up, and then the next Sunday I’ll plan out the following week. This means that things won't sneak up on me. It takes a little trial and error at the beginning of the semester but eventually I find a routine where, for example, I will do the weekly readings for one class on the Monday commute and another after lunch on my day off etc. Extra chunks are left over for assignments and things that aren't regular weekly tasks. Sometimes those chunks are left free (or for getting ahead if I want), sometimes on really busy periods I have to create more study chunks, but at least I have a routine to know what needs to be done when. 

Be realistic. So how do you actually assign these chunks? Underestimate yourself. Seriously. You think you can create that whole presentation in two hours? Give yourself more time. Maybe it actually takes less time in which case, congratulation, but if not you may be putting yourself in unnecessary stress. I actually like to make my own due dates for assignments a day or two before it is actually due. For example, if I have a research report I will plan out chunks for outlining, a few for writing and researching, editing and then actually write in the plan, highlighted, FINISH REPORT on the chunk I intend to finish so I can make sure I’m on track. Then I’ll add an extra chunk just in case but I don't actually expect to need it. It’s a fail safe for when something goes wrong or there’s something unexpected. Again, breaking down your time like this will keep you organized and on task when you need to be, but also help you see that all work you have to do isn't as all-consuming as it seems. You’ll be okay.

Here is a post I made a while back about research tips.

Use the library. Duh, right? But this is more of a money saving tip. This might not be too helpful to everyone but since I’m in English and History a lot of my readings are from novels and books that are readily available at the library. Rather than buy all the books, I try to find them at my university library or even my local library. I still have to buy a lot, especially textbooks that I’ll actually be using all year or in the future, but for that $20 novel I’ll only need one week I get it from the library. Those little books really add up and I save a few hundred every year. You can even use OverDrive which will connect to you free ebooks and audiobooks you can access through your local library. Best part is it is completely legal and you can download them on your phone with the app so you can read whenever you have time and the book will automatically be returned when the loan is over. 

Find the study environment that is right for you. This will be different for everyone. For me, I work best when I’m alone and with background sound. This is why working on a bus, in a noisy student centre or with instrumental music works well for me (music with lyrics is distracting). Some people need silence. Some people like study partners to bounce ideas or even just sitting at the table with them, but for me I know that sitting with friends will inevitably lead to chatting. Sometimes it’s nice just to talk over ideas but when I really need to focus I know being alone and with an instrumental playlist is the best way to go. Be honest with yourself and others about the environment you need to be successful.

Don’t be afraid to speak up when you need help. Your professors, teachers, and TAs are not evil (usually) and they usually do want to help. I won’t lie, going to office hours can be a little nerve-racking and it isn't always super helpful but when it is it has made a huge difference. These people have been learning, working, and teaching in this field way longer than you have and they can help make sense of your jumbled paper thesis or unravel a lecture you didn't really understand. Also, if you go to them with work done and they can genuinely see you are trying to take the course seriously, they can help you with due date extensions if you really need them. Be honest when you aren't understanding something because, trust me, the confusion and stress will just keep building. If the person you go to is worth anything as an educator they will help you and will understand that this stuff is hard and appreciate that you are trying your best. (Sometimes they’ll even give you the inside scoop on future assignments or test 😉)

Also, speak up to work managers or other people you are accountable to. It’s best to book off time ahead of time when you know you’ll be busy but it doesn't hurt to respectfully ask when you need help. Sometimes you’ll get a no, which sucks, but sometimes you’ll get a yes. Talk to friends or family too fi you have commitments that you know won't be good for you. Be respectful and honest about what is happening and they’ll understand. They may even be able to help out.

You can’t write a real paper in one day. Yeah, I’ve seen the memes and videos of people being like “Lol, teachers always say I can’t write an essay the night before. Challenge accepted!” You can’t do it. You just can’t. Maybe in high school but I don’t recommend it. Or maybe you are a superhero and can properly come up with an interesting thesis for a 12 page paper and organize all your points and find the minimum required seven outside peer-reviewed sources and write the damn paper, cite, and edit in one day but...I sure as hell can't. Just don't do this to yourself. See above planning tips and research tips to do this properly and with minimal stress. 

Colour code. Having organized notes can go a long way. When I’m actually writing them in lecture it can hard to make them look as clear as I want but I try to at least make subheadings and bold if I can. When I have time I might go back and clean them up a bit. When I’m studying I colour code. Most profs and teachers will give you an idea of main course themes and topics maybe in the syllabus or in outlines at the beginning of lecture. Some even give Key Terms! Take note of those and keep them mind while studying so you can colour code pieces of information by topic or theme. This will help you later on when you are trying to find a piece of information and also make links between the information that will give you a deeper understanding of the material. 

Learn to forgive yourself. Like I said in the intro, I’ve made mistakes. I’ve gotten grades I’ve been disappointed with or been late to something important or overworked myself or a bunch of other things. You are trying your best. School is HARD. If you are starting post secondary now it is very common to have your grades drop and it’s not because you are terrible at what you’re doing or not trying hard enough it’s because this shit is fucking hard. You’ll get there, you’ll get the feel for all this newness and you’ll realize that you’re doing okay. When you make a mistake, do what you can to correct it and learn from it, but then accept that what has already happened can't be changed and you can only forgive yourself and move forward. 

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. I can probably physically eat five full bags of salt and vinegar chips in one day but it will probably burn a hole through my stomach. I can work myself to the bone and pull all-nighters and keep studying through the tears but I shouldn’t. You might think you can work yourself to the brink repeatedly but you can't. You will burn out. If you wouldn't do something physically unhealthy like downing an obscene amount of salt and vinegar chips just because you can, you shouldn't do something that is going to break you down emotionally and mentally. Ask for help and do the best you can while still maintaining some healthy boundaries. 

[rigelmejo]

random notes about drawbacks/positives of mia:

My biggest incompatibility with the massive immersion approach (and in general a lot of good modern study methods) is I hate flashcards. It’s not that I dislike them as a concept - I am just super bad at concentrating on them. I am NOT good at doing the following: focusing on small bits of information, studying for short periods but Regularly, Reviewing Regularly, and sometimes I just genuinely can’t retain small concentrated reading sentences to the point it takes me 10 MINUTES a flashcard in order to understand/study it. As you can imagine, that last part is NOT efficient, and ends up making flashcards even slower for me as a study method then they’re ever meant to be. I can’t control when I’m unable to figure out/concentrate on small bits of information, so some months flashcards work as intended for me (I can review 10-20 in 10 minutes), but other months suddenly 10 flashcards takes me an hour. So I am not good at sticking to flashcards consistently - once the hard months hit, I don’t keep up with reviews, because they suddenly take way more time then they ‘should.’ However, when I can focus I try to make up the difference - and do 20-100 cards a day while I have the ability to do flashcards at a regular pace. On the upside, I’m proof you can do the SRS flashcard reviews, in a very chaotic way, and still get benefits. How I’ve done flashcards: cram 300-1000 in a couple weeks to a month, including whatever reviews I need. 2nd month - review if I can still focus, and do a few new cards (like 5-15 a day at most). By the time I can’t focus, most words are relatively-known and I only would need to review them once a week or every few weeks - if I COULD focus on reviews. However, I only actually review once a month or less at this point - and I’ll only review 20ish cards usually in that rare instance, unless I have a good day. I will not usually review the majority of those cards until my next burst of can-focus-on-flashcards usually in 2-3 more months. I have done all my flashcards THIS INCONSISTENTLY, and I’ve still retained a lot of what I studied. What I think helps: immersing in other content when you can’t do flashcards, so that you’re often still being exposed to words you studied (so they’re easier to not forget even though you stopped doing flashcards). So yeah... inconsistent flashcards, and some immersion exposure, and I was able to keep some of the gains SRS flashcards generally provide people. I can’t do flashcards consistently, and I usually have to do them in big-chunks then abandon them, but they do help me boost up how much I know when I DO use them.

More regarding my incompatibility with mia. The big thing is: I’m just not a flashcard person, not a consistent person. I have to vary what I’m doing regularly, or I burn out/struggle to focus. When I was in school, I would do the following to study: take notes/focus intently when being taught, then read the textbook/materials if I needed more help. Before tests, or to ‘review’ I would reread my notes from beginning to end of what I needed to remember. This would refresh my memory. If I still forgot/did not understand anything, I’d pinpoint that info in the book/ask my teacher/go online etc and try to just focus most of my ‘harder’ studying on those parts I was struggling with. Usually just taking notes/focusing, then reviewing everything in bulk right before I needed it (so maybe once every few weeks), was enough. When I couldn’t take notes, I would instead skim through book chapter summaries, and rewatch lecture videos if there was a digital copy - focusing most on the videos when info I forgot/sounded like key information was mentioned. Basically - notes, summaries, short cheat sheets, were all my friends. For tests like math and physics, I would read my notes AND make mini-sheets of all key formulas and how to do them/what I needed for them (usually I already had a sheet I just kept adding to over time/rereading). I could not use flashcards back then - I couldn’t focus, not consistently, not the way they’re meant to be used. It took me too long to even make them to warrant them being useful to me (I take SO long to make flashcards, its also a focus issues - also why when I do SRS flashcards I usually just grab some premade deck cause it keeps me MOVING and actually STUDYING instead of getting frozen in a task). 

This has always been my go-to study method. When I started chinese, this is how I learned 400 characters/basic words.  I bought a reference book with mnemonics, and would make myself read through it (as if it were notes I took). Occasionally I’d flip through old pages again, just to see if I still recognized old stuff, but mostly I just kept moving forward. So like - flip back every couple weeks to skim old pages, but read forward every day. I got through half the book before I burned out (because... reference books with their short entries of information? a lot like flashcards in structure, except thankfully I don’t regularly review afterwards like I would with flashcards).  It still took me 10-20 minutes for 10 entries in the book, but unlike flashcards it was a one-time task. When I got done, I had learned them pretty well - and I didn’t do anything to review them. They were just reviewed with immersion naturally, and eventually when I started studying common words these characters came up again (so if I forgot any, I relearned them easier then). This approach is roughly how I learned all words not in my premade-flashcard decks. I’ll read a chinese book - just start reading through it, looking up words I want to learn. I don’t review them, I don’t look them up again. Sometimes, maybe once a month, I’ll reread an old chapter to see what progress I’ve made - and then lookup unknown words then, as review since I didn’t remember them the first time. It sucks in a way... that SRS flashcard style study methods just.... do not work consistently for me. They are still beneficial, because in short month bursts I can quickly learn 500-1000 things with SRS (which is faster than some classes introduce words). But overall I have to rely on other study methods. Which for me feel inconsistent in progress since I can’t measure it as easy lol!  Even with no SRS, doing ‘bursts’ of this read-intensively note-like materials, then very occasionally skim old material again, does seem to work out okay for me. Back when I learned to read french, I did no flashcards. I looked up a common words list (and used my class vocabulary lists). I read through them once. Before tests (if for class), or every few weeks, I re-read/skimmed the word lists. By 3-4 months I learned the first 500 words. Then, since french has a lot of ‘similar’ sort of words, I just sort of dived into reading and then picked up words mostly that way - just checking a word list every month or so to review known words and make sure I didn’t have some big gap of missing vocabulary. 

So I guess: for me the biggest positive in mia is the suggestion to immerse often, frequently, and with a variety of materials. So that you practice different skills, learn a variety of things - and so you can move to something you like, if you get bored/unable to focus on one specific type of material. With mia you can read novels for a month, then get sick of reading and just watch shows/listen to podcasts when you walk, then if you’re burnt out from that you can just browse social media and check out fanfics/manhua/friends posts in the language for a few days or weeks before picking up longer materials again. The point is just to find ways to immerse, and do it. Simple advice. SUPER simple advice. But incredibly useful - every single time I add more immersion, I notice a boost in my comprehension. I notice actual improvement over time. I can’t pinpoint ‘why’ it happens, so unfortunately I’m not sure which complementary study methods or ways of immersing are helping me precisely with improvement in which skills. But I can tell that I am improving. I would 100% agree that immersing more is worth trying, at any language learning stage, as much as you want to. I immersed in the first months in both french and chinese, and I did much better than with japanese (where I did not immerse for 2 years and so my level stayed A1 beginner for like 2 years...). My French last time it was tested was around B1, which is fine since I just wanted to read and guess where my skills are closer to A2 and dragging it down? (Yes. Yes of course its speaking ability, of course). My chinese as far as I can pinpoint it is around HSK 4, as far as material I can easily read/listen to, as far as the practice tests I can take online. (Which, again, I’d self evaluate and say my comprehension is at HSK 4 or higher - I definitely can rely on good ability to guess meanings with hanzi and my comfort following grammar easily to boost comprehension a bit higher, but my speaking/writing is lower and I definitely only feel totally comfortable discussing topics that are manageable at HSK 3 - and my production grammar-wise is understandable but SO full of ‘this is the wrong way, use this instead’ which I’m working on...). So like... I got much farther in a year with each language I immersed in - even with the limited immersion I do actually do! So more immersion - better.  While I’m on the topic of immersion: if you like reading, read often and early. I am better off for telling myself “its not hard to read” and just diving in the deep end. Was it hard? ahahaha yes. ;w; But, I realize if I’d put off reading until say HSK 4 or HSK 5 knowledge in chinese, reading would be EVEN HARDER because I’d be so much worse at quickly reading through grammar/gathering context clues. Reading is a mix of actual reading skill, and vocab. I built up a lot of the actual reading skill by starting to try to read super early. So now my main struggle is generally just lack of vocabulary - and since I understand all surrounding grammar very well, its easier for me to roughly-guess at unknown words function and still follow the gist of what’s going on. Reading early also means, for words and hanzi I DO already know, I learned to recognize the many contexts/phrases they show up in and the various words they combine into earlier. So again, when I’m looking at a new text the hardest words are new vocab made of ALL unknown hanzi - if I know one hanzi in the word, it’s something I can often approximately guess the meaning of especially when I understand the entire rest of the sentence. If a new word is spelled with all known hanzi, I can look it up once or twice and generally remember it very fast - since its connected to what I already know. If I had waited to read until I’d learned more vocab, I would have less of a reading skill foundation to rely on right now. And based on what I’ve read of at least some people’s experiences on chinese-forums.com, many readers will go through a STEEP uncomfortable period when starting to read chinese. Something vocab does not totally mitigate. I think it just takes many hours, of the reading skills getting less and less hard, and then eventually things get more comfortable. There is also the issue of ‘comprehensible’ reading material - depending on your tolerance for ambiguity, chinese can be painfully incomprehensible for a long time. Generally people feel comfortable once they comprehend 98% of a material. But in chinese, even once you learn thousands of vocab, depending on your reading skills and abilities to ‘guess from context clues’, you will not be at 98% yet. Even if you can guess from context clues, that isn’t solid comprehension its still ambiguously understood material. So to get used to reading chinese as a learner, you have to start getting used to how it feels to read stuff only 80% comprehensible. Only 90% comprehensible. And if you get good and learn a lot of vocab and grammar and understand it better when you see it - 95%. Which is still not the range of ‘comfort’ yet. The quicker you learn to not be stressed by the ambiguity, the less painful reading becomes. And the more tolerable it is, the more you can read, and the quicker you can learn more, and the quicker you’ll REACH 95% to 98% comprehensibility. But if its so painful you refuse to keep reading, to keep using reading to push comprehensibility up... it is going to be a long way until you hit 98%... Graded readers are great, and give you stepping stones to transition this experience. Graded readers are MADE to be 98% comprehensible at different learning levels, so they will FEEL comfortable. And if they do feel uncomfortable (because you don’t have high enough comprehension), then they will at least drag your comprehension up - and still be more tolerable than the alternative of even LESS comprehensible native speaker chinese language materials. Basically though... find a way to force yourself through the harder ‘intolerable’ early parts. It happens whether you know 500 words or 2000. So you’ll have to do it eventually. I get demotivated if I’ve ‘studied a lot and still understand nothing’ so my foolish self dived off the deep end at 500 words, then at 1000, then at 1500, then at 2000. Cause I kept trying to read, being frustrated at its difficulty and stopping after a few weeks, then trying again once I’d learned more! But wow did that early trying pay off. Now that I DO know more words, if nothing else the comparison of how NICE it feels to read now in comparison to in the past, motivates me a ton. If I just started reading recently, and all I knew was it felt ‘this hard’ then I might want to give up. But like... when I started, and knew 500 words, my graded readers were PAINFUL. Genuinely intimidating. Once I pushed through one? They felt easy as pie, and graded readers at that vocab-level felt so easy they got boring. Now I find graded HSK 4 material and usually read through it super fast or don’t even bother. So I can 1. read more comfortably. And 2. because I’ve BUILT up a higher tolerance to ‘ambiguity discomfort’ I can allow myself to read harder materials if I do want to - because I can still TELL it feels easier than it used to. 

Finally, about MIA the study method as a concept. So... either because the site is long and people don’t like to finish reading, or maybe the writer is not good at summaries - but people often get confused about how to do it. Particular detail questions about how to do ‘this specific suggested activity’ make sense. But there’s a lot of people who ask “do I just turn on the language shows, and?? How do I learn?” Which, fair enough. So, as I understand it, here’s a summary: You want to learn a language. Find yourself a grammar guide - a free website, a book, whatever. Read the summary/guide, or skim it, whatever gives you a ‘preview’ of the language’s structure and what you’ll be getting used to over time. You will use this guide to reference later in the future, whenever grammar in stuff you see confuses you. You can use multiple guides later to reference. Right now, just zoom through a guide and get a general sense of the language you’re abut to learn. You can also wait to do this step until later, whenever you want. The sooner you do it, the sooner grammar will be less mysterious to you. Find yourself a pronunciation guide. Go through it, you don’t have to be a perfectionist about ANYTHING you do before or after this. Just go through, listen to it all, try to notice how its different from your own language. Notice if there’s any major differences like tones, sounds or patterns your own language doesn’t have. You don’t need to memorize, you’re just becoming aware that these aspects exists and are different. Again, this is to get you used to the language you’re about to dive into. This should probably be done early on. Look up some info about the writing system, if it is different from your own language’s. You will probably find some explanation introductory articles for beginners. If there’s any explanations about how it works, or why it’s like it is, read through it. This will help you understand the system better. You don’t need to memorize - although you may want to save a couple hundred common words, or a copy of all the letters, or a copy of a couple hundred common characters, or a copy of the radicals that combine to make characters. Read over this copied info a few times every once in a while, as you’ll see these things a TON once you start immersing.  You find yourself a premade deck of SRS flashcards (use Memrise app, Anki program/website, some alternative) of common words in that language - ideally in sentences, but single-words work if that’s all you can find. Ideally with audio - but again, whatever you can find. You may also find an SRS deck of characters (like Heisig Remember the Kanji)/writing system specific info, if you want, to go through that deck early on to help you more with recognizing the writing system as you encounter it.  Whatever decks you get, you will study those for 10-30 minutes a day. You can start doing this from day 1. (Or be like me and be inconsistent about it - just try to keep progressing forward and learning new material, even if you don’t always study. For me it was better always to move onto new stuff, instead of review, if I only had time to do one out of the two things.) Find yourself stuff to immerse with - shows, stories, audios, comics, social media, whatever. You will try to immerse every day, and try to immerse as much as you enjoy. Do this from day 1. When immersing: use either the language you are studying’s subtitles or else none at all. When watching/listening - look up words as desired, mainly though focus on context and trying to understand as much of the gist of what’s going on as you can. Over time you will pick things up. For reading - look up words as desired, and in the beginning you may look up a TON of words because you need to look up at least enough to follow the Bare Minimum Gist of What The Main Plot is. You NEED to understand at least basic context, with whatever your immersion material is, in order to learn new words from context. So: you might start with reading simple graded readers. You might use shows/books/audio of things you’ve already experienced in english, so the context is clearer to you. You might read summaries in english ahead of time. If you need more context in order to use immersion to learn any new things - then go ahead and give yourself more context. Immersion will feel difficult at first, the joy is watching you start to just ‘naturally’ pick up more. Audio immersion - for some of this, you do not need to attempt to ‘understand the gist of the plot’, you can just use it to attempt to pick out all the specific words in the language, the language’s rhythm, and get used to the language. If you’re only using an audio to learn the sounds of a language, you can probably use it as ‘background sound’ while doing other daily things, since it won’t require as constant focus as it would if you were trying to catch every single word you knew as you listened. There you go. You’re all set. Do this for a year and see where your progress is at. Quit doing this if you aren’t seeing some improvements, since if that’s the case a different study method may be better for you. Don’t do this method if you don’t like it - whatever gets you to study, is the right methods for you. No point doing something that doesn’t work for you. Eventually, as you make progress, you will decide on goals and notice mistakes/shortcomings in your skills. When that happens, add additional study materials/tasks as needed to focus specifically on those things as desired. For example - if you notice your pronunciation sucks, you may start using audio-focused flashcards, or go through a pronunciation guide again more carefully-thoroughly this time. Or - you realize your writing is bad, so you go through a grammar guide again and do the exercises, and get language partners and write to them regularly so that you get corrections. Eventually, you finish a common word flashcard deck - find a new deck, or make one, with new words you want to learn or need to based on your goals. The massive immersion approach is a basic plan of immerse-while-paying-attention+study new words/review words regularly, it doesn’t include every single thing you might do or want to do. 

Anyway, mm. tldr: massive immersion approach suggests doing immersion of all kinds, from day 1. I couldn’t agree more, every time I add more immersion when studying a language it helps so significantly and over time. however, mia also has half of it’s study method based on SRS flashcards - if you are not a flashcard person like me, my alternative study ‘method’ above works. It’s not perfect, its probably not as effective. But it works if you can’t focus on SRS flashcards reliably. Finally, I summarize mia a little. 

[imuybemovoko]

My beliefs now

I set this blog up for a bunch of different purposes including conlangs/worldbuilding stuff, my writing, and my views on religion and maybe also politics. So far, mostly, I’ve ranted a lot about the beliefs I left behind. Now that I’ve let that particular sketchy brand of Christianity, now that I’ve discovered the ways it and my conservative family background were probably turning me into a fascist while I was still in all that, I figure I might as well try to hash out where I stand now. I’m around eleven months out from my deconversion, and a lot has already changed. I might try to attempt a before and after thing but there’s a lot to unpack about how I used to think and I’m not sure I’ve understood everything yet. I think I made the mistake of thinking that not very long before that repressed memory about “Sharon” and her Jonah display came crashing back in March. This is current to late July 2020 and may not include everything. 

So without any further ado, let’s talk background. First, some things I’ve already either mentioned or given more than enough evidence for. I used to be a Christian fundamentalist. (Clearly. I rant about it a lot.) I got into that because I was raised religious, then let myself fall right the fuck into what I’ll call “deep end lite” shortly before senior year in high school. Some local churches in my small town arranged a missions trip thing and the way I agreed to go along felt in the moment like surrendering to a voice that’s been speaking to me all along. In ...a way, it was. Just not the voice I thought. I’m pretty sure I didn’t want this god, at any point like ever, until that little part of me whispered that it would be easier to accept him. I have a megathread document that I’ve stored a lot of my “God stories” from my time as a Christian in. Unfortunately I didn’t remember many specific details of this experience to write down in there, but I did write a bit of a “life-story” thing that reminds me that, chronologically, that happened after a period of focused attempts by the church to indoctrinate me, some traumatic things my family did, social struggles, and feeling like an asshole because of things I’d done in the past. I remember having this growing sense over the previous year that I was approaching some kind of very dangerous breaking point, to the point where (trigger warning: mental instability, school shooter mention. Please either stop here or skip to where it says “in other words” in the next paragraph after this if that’s going to be an issue. It also keeps getting dark from there for a minute. Please, please tread with care if you need to. There is no shame at all if this becomes too much. Take care of yourself first and foremost.) 

when discussing how I came to accept the faith, I told some of my Christian friends that I felt like there was a scary chance of me becoming a school shooter. I think this may have been a post-hoc projection, but I can’t quite be sure of that. I was in a bad place for a bit there in high school. I had a wild temper and some sketchy intrusive thoughts.

In other words, it hit at a perfect moment of weakness. That’s how oppressive forms of spirituality function, it’s how hate groups function... it’s a massive shit cocktail and I found a pretty bad influence in the form of people who promote that whole “born again experience” thing in Christianity. I’d say I’m glad I missed out on being dragged into a fascist ideology this way, but uh... I’m no longer convinced I didn’t grow up around something like that. More later. 

From there I spiraled my way through my first attempts at college through the university’s chapter of the Chi Alpha campus ministry and, peripherally through that, Assemblies of God (holy shit those guys are wild), then through a local Baptist church (more peripherally) and Calvary Chapel (I was a worship guitarist here for like 18 months and helped with their youth ministry for almost as long) closer to home and a CRU chapter at my community college. With each passing year I slipped further and further into this weird shame-induced funk where I got like... addicted to Jesus and hated myself or something. It’s a bit hard to find words that don’t take multiple entire extra pages and I want to be concise, so I’ll simply call it “Jesus-flavored depression” for brevity and because that was enough of a genuinely bad time (and I’m still fucked up enough) that I might need some fairly serious therapy.

Near the end of 2018 I was reaching a breaking point, wondering why nothing ever seemed to change in my life from “sexual sin” (...which in my case literally consisted of being attracted to women and occasional self-pleasure, but they literally teach you to hate yourself for less than that in the spicier churches rip) to my direction in life to how trapped I felt by my family. I also started to have more questions about the violence in the Bible and some of the sketchier doctrines, and that was strongly reinforced by some of the things I saw in a creative writing class I took, including an atheist who shared a story of a profoundly negative experience involving being taught about hell at a very young age. All that led to the absolute disaster that was December 2018. It was my last semester at the community college I went to. Finals week was a fucking disaster, and the week before that too, and my grades were really good but at great cost. I won’t go into a ton of detail because 1. space concerns and 2. this time is still damn painful to discuss, but just know that I’m unconvinced I’d have survived that month without this song. (Yes, that’s Paramore. Shut up xD they’re still good.) I looped it for like three days straight and I think it was just enough to keep me going through what was the third time I had any suicidal kind of thoughts ever and by far the worst and longest period of it so far.

So the next several months (and I won’t go into a ton of detail about this, I intended this post more to describe my current position and I don’t wanna get too in the weeds with background) were a confusing period of questioning, starting with, of all things, my family dynamic. The spiral after the week before finals was ...considerably worsened by some comments my dad made, and between that and some experiences in the past that the creative writing class I took that fall reminded me of, I was exposed to a bit of a deeply toxic pattern. I might discuss that more deeply in another post, but for now suffice it to say that extensive youtube binges and some other research between about January and March told me the situation is probably adjacent to pathological narcissism in some way. I brought some of this up to the church I was attending at the time (a small town Calvary Chapel, if I haven’t mentioned that already) and their responses were ...inconsistent. Some people blamed me, some people said “oh dang your dad is abusive”, and some people took the “your parents are trying their best” tack. In retrospect I think that made me doubt if God’s messaging to these people could really be trusted. Then, in about April, the question of hell came up again. I was helping in the church’s budding youth ministry at the time and we had about four regular attendees between the ages of 12 and 18. There were about three weeks in a row when one of the other adults (I’ll call her Kelly for the purposes of not doxxing; also more on her later) talked at length about how unbelief leads to hell. I remembered that atheist from creative writing, made the connection to these four kids, and thought, “what the hell are we doing?” (Pun not intended but rather convenient.) I immediately backed down from my role in the youth ministry, citing other equally valid but less pressing reasons involving stress from the issues with my dad, and tried to go on with life. But the floodgates were open. 

In late May or early June, I was staring out a window one morning and suddenly a question crossed my mind unbidden: “Is God a narcissist?” I thought back to a relatively recent sermon by the associate pastor in which he explained that the purpose of the world was “for God’s glory”, to some apparent sudden flights of rage, and some other factors in the scriptures, and thought, “holy shit, I need to investigate this, because God is also very adjacent to narcissism.” It took a hot minute for the ball to really get rolling with that, but once it did... I came to a point by late June or early July where I delivered an ultimatum to God, something to the tune of “Ok, either show me how all these questions I have can be answered beyond a doubt or I’m done.” 

There was no answer. 

God was silent during this time, and the people in the church were shocked that I had the questions I did and either concerned or ...rather spicy. I joined an ex-Christian discord server to aid in a proper, thorough investigation. I aired my questions both there and on a Christian discord server. The Christian server was toxic as fuck and the ex-Christians started making a crazy amount of sense. I watched some videos from Cosmic Skeptic and TheraminTrees (most notably the latter’s deconversion story) for new perspectives and, by mid-August, had crashed out of the faith altogether.

So the last time I ever stepped into a church with the intent of attending service (I showed up after once in January of 2020 to kinda let them know and that went pretty badly lol) was about two weeks before I started college again in the fall. I burned all but one of my Bibles and a collection of gospel tracts I never did anything else with and stylized it like my limited understanding of what a satanic/pagan ritual looked like, complete with a chant in my conlang Aylaan for a more personal twist because of course, to feel edgy. (I did a lot of kind of weird shit to feel edgy; that’s one of two of them I’m sure I don’t regret.) And after that, things got ...ah, confusing?

Because of course when the linchpin of your understanding of the world gives way, everything becomes fucked for a hot minute. 

So the first thing that happened was a couple months of anxiety and confusion. I slowly started to deconstruct my inherited political views too. (More on that later.) Then I had this really beautiful interesting moment in late September where I walked past a tree on the way to a class and had a sudden realization that I didn’t have to force the tree into a Christian framework anymore, it was just a beautiful mass of green shit and cellulose. I could appreciate it in whatever way I felt was best. I damn near broke down crying in the bathroom before class, it hit me that hard. So that’s fun xD

Since then I’ve kinda gone through a bunch of funky phases with this, including a couple of months of fairly salty atheism. Along with that process, I started questioning my sexuality in December (more on that in another post in a minute lmao it’s a trip) and literally shredding my politics in the face of Trump being a crackhead in a dangerous position getting away with confirmed illegal shit, COVID-19 and the ...dehumanizing responses of corporations and their sponsored politicians, and then what I noticed about the deaths of Ahmaud Arbery and George Floyd and the fallout from that. (In a nutshell, holy FUCK there’s a huge problem and it’s messed up that people don’t see it.) At this point, I’m socially progressive and pretty left leaning. I don’t know what the hell to do about it or how either other than some of the tense discussions I’ve been having, but I’d like to work against racism and discrimination too. So that’s cool and a lot better than where I was... 

which... I regret deeply.

I don’t know exactly how to define my old political views, and they were marked by considerable cognitive dissonance. I’ll try to illustrate this as best I can but I don’t know what label I can use. Here goes. 

Cursed images aside, I think the best way to explain this is through some background, i.e. what my parents believe, because my beliefs were largely inherited. 

This might be majorly over-simplified and based on what I remember of my own pre-deconstruction views and what I hear them say lately. I’m doing my best, but take it with a grain of salt. Basically, it seems like they walk this weird line between constitutionalist and very authoritarian that I see a hell of a lot of in rural America. Kinda like the Republic party used to before they yeeted into Trump’s mindfuck wholeheartedly. They’re homophobic to a rather alarming degree (more on that in another post soon) and not ...overtly Christian-supremacist but you can tell that their ethics are dripping with it and they’re terrified of Islam and they’d like to legislate some aspects of Christian morality. They also support the second amendment, which is the one thing I still agree with them on that I’m aware of, but they take it to more of an extreme than I’m willing to. For further ...flavor, they also reject the premise that parts of our society are systemically racist (and maybe also the idea that such a thing is even possible because of course), subscribe to the “bootstrap theory” for everything they can think to apply it to, reject climate science, and have been extremely conspiratorial about COVID-19. Also they like making it out like everything is a Democrat conspiracy theory, compare the Democrats to Hitler and Stalin to a weird degree, have on at least one occasion called Fox Motherfucking News left-leaning, and think Alex Jones is wacky but sometimes raises valid points. 

So that’s, in a nutshell, a bit of a look at my past political views, except I think I was a bit more Christian-dominionist than them and I think I had moments of “...does this really make any sense?” for years before I crashed out of everything. The first domino was my Christianity, but once that fell, my entire approach to the world went some places. 

So ...yeah. Oof. I was sketchy as shit. Glad that’s changed. 

So uh... I’ve already mentioned a vague (read: as much detail as I feel confident providing) description of my political views now, but after all this bullshit let’s finally get to the other half of my titular current beliefs. This ...isn’t going to be easy to explain either, but I feel more confident going into more detail. Buckle up :^)

Alright. So except for a couple of months where I was like “there is no god reeee” half because I was sOmE hYpErInTeLlEcTuAl SkEpTiC and half because of trauma from the toxic flavor of Christianity I left and some shitty developments in both politics and my social circles (I’ll talk at some length about “Kelly” in a sec here I think), since leaving Christianity I’ve always been what I’ll call “hopeful agnostic” (I think I stole this term from Rhett and/or Link lol). In a nutshell, what that means to me is “there may or may not be a god, but I hope there is at least one and they’re nice, or like, at least some spiritual thing that has a good aspect that can help me”. I also dabble in shitty rituals where I burn dead plants and occasionally also hate literature like gospel tracts (and, that one time, a couple of bibles) and basically call on “anyone who is listening and gives a fuck, else the placebo effect” for whatever my goal is. Like... witchy-adjacent but I don’t think about it very much at this stage. I kind of enjoy it, and I think for one reason or another it can be good for my mental health, but I’m wary of any kind of commitment or even more serious experimentation, even as I hope to find something good, because ...trauma, and maybe even absent that a desire to not be wrong in a way that’s dangerous to anyone else again. So that’s fun :^)

So if you’ve made it this far through this weird bullshit, thanks, this story is kind of important to me xD and if you couldn’t, and you’re not reading this ending thingy because it got too dark or it pissed you off or something, that’s cool too and you’re beautiful and valid. Whoever you are, I hope you find whatever healing you need. :)

[jewpacabruhs]

hi guys! so this post is gonna be a rambly mess but fuck it, here ya go. if u dont wanna read all of it, u dont have to; skip down to underneath the tl;dr in bold text for the important bits :)

(there’s a brief & non-graphic mention of a triggering topic in the next paragraph. please be sure to skip this next paragraph if the thought of suicide is going to upset you.)

alright. so i didn't share this originally, but i spent some time in a psychiatric unit this month. suicidality related. 1000% unrelated from anything online, i've just struggled with depression for a very long time & shit happens. i didn't intend to share that at all & i certainly don't want pity; i'm telling u guys bc my time in the unit was extremely eye-opening, and i have some insight to share. since i've gotten out, with the help of my newest anti-depressant (fourth time’s a charm lol), i'm seeing the world in a better light & i finally have the energy to and the interest in exploring what it has to offer, which frankly i've never had before.

with that has come the realization that i’ve come to do something very unhealthy, and i want to break out of it. and that’s how much i’ve come to rely on my fandom life. i don’t want to get too candid publicly, but mental illness took a lot from me, and i lost most of my life, my future, and my options in the last few years. next year will involve a lot of working on rebuilding things. but in the time that i let things fall to pieces around me & i absolutely couldn’t get out of bed, i had a phone and i had a laptop. so when i couldn’t get up and physically face the world, i built up a new world online.

and i don’t think that’s a completely uncommon experience. most people are able to better manage things, and evenly juggle real life with an internet life (like i did back in middle school), because most people can’t abandon their real lives entirely like i managed to; but i do think a lot of people nowadays rely on their fandom life and their fandom friends when their irl situation isn’t ideal. and that’s an excellent coping mechanism in theory, but i think it’s debilitating in the long run.

forgive me for sounding like an old person, but i’m a heavy nostalgist and a bit of an anarcho-primitivist in that i resent modern technology's influence on society - but that hasn't stopped me from letting it be a big part of my life out of accessibility. the internet kept me occupied during my low points, and i became dependent, but i've realized i don't wanna live like that anymore. i’m vaguely grateful that it usually kept me busy enough that i wasn’t thinking the bad thoughts as frequently, but more than anything, i’m resentful that my grasp on reality got lost somewhere along the way, and i let time get away from me, too. because, again, an internet life should be a fun hobby, but when it’s a lifestyle and it becomes an excuse to avoid dealing with our real lives, bc our real lives aren’t as rewarding or as exciting, then it’s unhealthy.

everything’s at our fingertips these days, but i deeply believe human interaction, fun, and fulfillment shouldn't be spoon-fed to us through a screen. it's easy access, sure, but at the end of the day, is it any way to live? compared with how much world there is to see, i’m no longer satisfied with the thought of sitting behind a screen for another five years. i used to be, when i had no hope and no drive, but not anymore. i’m not gonna let myself settle for staying busy with the thing that takes the least amount of work & movement. not only because i’m a whole ass adult who needs to start sorting my shit out for the long run, but also because i deserve better.

and it’s fucking hard! especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. i dropped out of school three fucking times due to crippling social anxiety and utter lack of ambition and energy. i lost all my friends through that (making friends post-school is hard af); the thought of having to go out and remake friends makes me wanna fucking cry. i have a hard enough time making friends online, i’ve even come to struggle with correspondence thru text & email. phone calls? outta the question. but that’s therapy shit, and i know i’ll get there. i just have to stop putting life off by staying in a comfort zone.

and it’s interesting; depression and anxiety really took everything from me, and while i was dwelling in my own misery, my adhd worsened and decided to make my entire brain revolve around my fixations, so i didn’t have to deal with my own life. can’t think about how much you wanna die and how much you can’t function in society if you’re busy thinking about a ship you like or a character you find interesting. so i latched onto the safety of that. aggressively. problem with that is that once you let your “happiness” (as much of it as you can feel in the midst of your depressive episode, anyway) revolve around an interest, that’s all you have. so you become dependent and reliant, and that’s never good, especially if you’re someone like me who feels pathetic & ridiculous when you realize it’s all you can bring yourself to care about. 

and i think that’s what i realized in the psych ward (where there’s legitimately nothing to do; i did soooo much more thinking than usual, and i already think too much haha); mental illness will try to fuck up your lifestyle, so you have to eradicate the things that’ll let that happen in the first place. for example, like i said, my adhd tries to counteract my depression by making me hyperfixate and/or hyperfocus on something else to protect me from bad personal thoughts, and that’s good in theory (doing something you enjoy when you feel bad, to distract urself, is the number one most basic coping skill you learn), but i can’t do it in moderation, i let it run my life, and that’s made me worse in the long run. so i have to force myself out of that completely and not let myself fixate on things that make me happy in the short term, but don’t ultimately further me as a person. having fixations helped me through some awful times, but now i need to force myself to grow up, you know?

and while tumblr and other social media is an excellent way to indulge those fixations, it’s an aggressive enabler, in more ways than one. what i mean by that... okay, so while i’m the type of person who self-destructs while unhealthy, i do occasionally lash out. and i know some people completely explode rather than implode when they’re not doing well. and that’s how you get discourse, i think. because when mental illness makes us care much more about our interests than we ought to, and someone has a differing opinion about that interest, the instinct is of course to attack, if you’re that kind of person. i don’t think i am, but depression and boredom go hand in hand, and i might be inclined to care more about discourse than i would if i were healthy, purely because it’s entertaining and something to do. 

that’s a long winded way of saying, while i stand wholeheartedly by my past positions, i do regret starting shit in the first place. i’m not the kind of person who genuinely cares about much and i have little to no sense of morality (im a chaotic neutral bastard), so the fact i was bored enough to start shit really goes against my character and says a lot about how bad i’ve been. so i apologize for all that. but, again, i think that's just what happens when something is truly your everything. and i think the chronic negativity of modern fandom is a result of how damn seriously we all take it, because we care so much and we’re so dependent. fandom’s supposed to be fun, but it’s just too damn stressful this way.

idk my point in sharing all this, but i do think it'd be cool if this kinda got yall thinking. even if you don't engage in discourse, if fandom is just one of your only consistent sources of happiness, that's not healthy either. we all gotta break out & exist more & louder & more positively. and unfortunately i think tumblr fandom (and maybe all modern fandom) is no longer a place that encourages positivity and health.

but for all my criticism, i do just wanna say how eternally grateful i am that i was fortunate enough to meet the people i call my best friends through tumblr. they're my family, truly, and all the bullshit in this fandom has been worth it simply because it brought them to me. i love them to death and i always will, even if interests change, even if we grow apart, even if we quit speaking entirely in the next few years, i love them with my whole heart in a way that transcends a simple fandom friendship and i'm so glad we bonded over sp in the first place. that’ll never change.

i will also always love south park itself. now that the cat's outta the bag about my hospital visit, i can brag about my most pathetic and obsessive accomplishment; the fact that i've never let circumstance stop me from watching a new south park as it airs, and i've now watched sp on 1) an airplane, and 2) in a psych ward. i win for most dedicated fan tbfh. dsjkf & i'll keep that tradition, and i'll still watch this stupid show til it ends! it'll always hold a special place in my heart, & kyman's still my most meaningful & long-term ship. i'll never stop loving it. 

tl;dr

so, to recap; for 2020 i'm making myself step back from fandom (not just sp fandom, but fandom in general) and quit letting my world revolve around my fixations so i can enjoy the outside world a little more, mental illness be damned, and the first step is gonna be quitting tumblr. this blog won't be deleted and i may occasionally post (maybe when next season airs) but you're absolutely free to unfollow bc this'll be a mostly inactive blog. i’m also unfollowing everyone, so mutuals, please don’t take that personally. 

i will, however, try to write more prolifically, bc fic writing is something i'm able to do in moderation & enjoy, and i hope to get back into it. so if you'd like, you can keep an eye out for any upcoming fanfic i may post - my ao3 is leere. i also have snapchat, instagram, & twitter my mutuals can ask for asap (bc ill be logging out for good by the afternoon of the 31st, which is tomorrow) - though i'm not very active on any of them. still, if you wanna have access to me, i’ll be there.

i want some connection to the fandom still, albeit without letting my life revolve around it, so i'll be starting a new open-to-the-public kyman discord server! the post with the invite for that will go up soon. nvm im too anxious  

thank you for reading, thank you for the good times (thnks fr th mmrs), and i hope everyone has a good 2020! 

[theoriginalladya]

Ask game, G, K, M. If any have been answered, substitute with the letter of your choice!

from this prompt list  Thanks so much for asking!!!

G: Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

Oh, this is good.  This is REALLY good!  Well, when I first started I was all over the place. I’d write down whatever came to mind, then build a story around that. Writing from beginning to end was HARD, and I know certain parts of some stores read better (because they’re the ones I started with) than others (because, what was plotting back then?!)

Over time, as I learned how to plot out a story, it became much easier to write from beginning to end.  I created my own ‘outlines’ to keep track of story ideas, plot points, pieces of dialogue I came up with I didn’t want to forget, etc.  Nowadays, I can go from beginning to end without too much trouble.  It usually requires a day or two to fully plot out the story (or more!) but as long as I have the basic gist of it, I’ll go.  And, as you’ve seen with some of my fics, I can’t wait to post stuff, so I keep writing as I go along which can present a challenge to the that style, but it also helped me with the organizational process that made it easier to do.  

K: What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?

Okay, I came up with most of them over here.  Still, outside of Mass Effect, I have a Cousland Warden who ended up separated from her husband, Nathaniel Howe, throughout the Blight, and my headcanon story of how Bryce and Eleanor met that I wrote well before v. 2 of The World of Thedas ever came out and explained it.

Give me a little while longer, and I’m sure I’ll start posting up some of my Werewolf: the Apocalypse fic and trust me, that shit is ANGSTY! lol

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?

Hmm, I’m not quite sure what it means by ‘premise’ here, but if it’s story ideas?  Oh hell, I ALWAYS have them, or can create them spur of the moment! lol  My muses inside my head are like watching live-action movies, I swear!

Caleb Shepard

I have this idea that a deck of cards plays into some repetitive mannerisms he has.  I’m thinking it might be when he’s about to go on a big mission.  I’m still working on it though, it may change, but one of the very first ideas I had for him and Kaidan (thanks to you!) was that Kaidan comes along, sees him fiddling with the cards on the way somewhere, and slams the card out of his hand

Caleb actually meets Kaidan the first time while on the Akuze mission - he’s just unconscious at the time

Caleb and Coats have a rivalry that dates back to sniper school when they had to room together

The Reaper war may end, but that’s not it for Caleb.  He takes Kaidan and Coats (and possibly Cortez?  not sure) back to Shannon with him and stuff happens.

ShepShep

I’m having so much fun with this series of stories because I have BOTH Kaidan and Ashley to include, and that means IDEAS!  Like ... Kaidan will actually come across some of his students out on the battlefield during the War

Kane Shepard

Kane is a Shepard I’ve had on the backburner for YEARS now.  He’s based off of Eliott Spencer from Leverage, and he and his sister Margaret (aka: Maggie) are survivors of Mindoir.  Come the Reaper War, they aren’t just fighting the Reapers and Cerberus, but also a ghost ...  (I just need to sort out the plot)

Dragon Age Stories

(I warned you! lol) So, I have three sequels to Ever Constant I fully intend to write ....  Alistair is king with Delilah Howe as his queen, Fergus is with one of my OCs (Kayt), and the version of Awakening where Nate is already a Warden when they get up there.  (not sure how much it will change things there? but I think it’s worth exploring)

I recently stirred a friend up with writing prompts about a very rare pair we started writing in online rpg and I may take back up to actually writing fic for - Sebastian Vael and Alfstanna Eremon.  They’re fun to poke around with and we’ve come up with some intriguing ideas...

I’m going to stop there for now because I can go on and on and on ....

[icewindandboringhorror]

Another set of responding to asks lol.. As usual I have them numbered and will also write out the ask in the text, especially since the screencaps are all blurry and taken at various times/compiled together badly and probably hard to read ghghhggh..... answers under the read more ~ 

-------------------------

1. "Hi I don't mean to bother you at all, but I was wondering where you get your rocking horse shoes? (I think thats what they're called) I've been looking everywhere and I can't seem to find any :(( "

I don’t entirely remember, since I got them like 6 or 7 years ago.. I think maybe at some point that place ‘bodyline’ or something had some cheap ones? But I don’t see them on the site anymore, they were like $50 or $60. Now when I google it I can only find these insane like $600 ones from vivian westwood or whoever, or ones that are platform shoes but not necessarily the same type. Maybe you could find some on aliexpress or ebay or something? Usually you have to use weirdly specific search terms and look for a while, but you can often find stuff like that on those sites. Sorry I couldn’t be of more help!!! 

2. "I've been sick for over a month and my doctor tested me - everything came back fine. After some discussion it appears that my ptsd symptoms came back and the stress on my body is making me fatigued, sick and dizzy. I don't want to say that this could be similar to you situation, but if you have a therapist or someone to talk to about any stresses/your sickness, it might help relieve the pressure a bit. Good luck, I'm so sorry you feel so unwell"

Thank you for sharing! Yeah, I think stress definitely plays a part in why I feel sick so often. Currently I’m not still having the same problem I was having a few months ago when you sent this, so that’s good at least!! 

3. “Hi! Do you plan to ever have more sculptures for sale? Or would you do commissions? I haven't seen any in a while but wanted to buy one! :-O”

I have plenty that I want to sell, I guess it’s just hard for me to get set up. Since so much of the reason I procrastinate selling stuff is because I hate the stress of deciding on a price, I’ve thought for a while now that maybe I can just auction them (so I just set a base price, but people bid whatever they feel is fair and I don’t have to decide myself). But I’m just not sure of a good way to do that.. Ebay has auctions, but I don’t want random strangers buying them, I’d rather stick to just the pool of people who follow my art blog and are already familiar with my sculptures or etc. I could do them on here ?? (like, ‘reply to this post to bid, bids close 8am EST, whoever said the highest number sends the money through paypal and then I send the sculpture’ sort of thing???)   But I’m not sure if it’s legal to sell stuff through tumblr, or if there could be any other problems with doing it so ‘unofficially’ like that.. I don’t know, I have a vague idea, I’m just having trouble deciding the best way to set up something! I do want to sell some soon though, if I live through the pandemic and anything ever goes back to normal, of course (I wouldn’t want to be having to leave the house to ship stuff in the mail right now). 

As for commissions, I have actually done sculpture commissions for friends a few times, so I feel confident-ish that I’d be able to do something like that, but I also wouldn’t want to get overwhelmed since it takes a lot of work. Custom sculptures may also be more expensive, and again.. I always feel guilty and strange about pricing. I’ve thought about doing very limited sculpture commissions though (like, maybe just one at a time, first come first serve or something..?). If it seems like there’s actual interest in that sort of thing, I could definitely consider doing it in the future! 

4. " *picks up that smol blue kid and throws them across the room* "

ghgh .. the smallness is an advantage... they could just skitter back down your arm like a tiny squirrel the second you tried to pick them up.. Ythrili survival strategy is to be too small to catch in the first place 

(also forgive every sketch in this post, my screen that you can draw on broke, so I’m either drawing stuff in ms paint with a mouse, or drawing stuff on paper and coloring it in firealpaca also with a mouse ghghh.. not going to look Good)

5. "it sounds like you feel pressure to only post good content on the internet, and so you end up psyching yourself out of posting at all. Am I on the right track? "

Not necessarily, like I mentioned in the tags I think it’s more just that everything is complicated by my brain. I can’t just do something effortlessly. Whether it’s for an audience or not, I get caught up on every little detail and adding so much complexity to everything that all tasks take me longer than they take other people lol. I think I just tend to take everything very seriously?? 

Like for example, I’m often accused of ‘turning things into a discussion’ when someone was just intending to make an off-handed remark, because if someone is bringing up a topic to discuss, I end up engaging with it 100% and putting full effort into it, and it’s hard for me to be ‘’casual’’ about pretty much anything (so if someone was like ‘My day yesterday was a bit weird’ I wouldn’t be able to just respond ‘aw man, that sucks’, I would just be like ‘Weird how? what happened? what made it weird? Are you okay now? Are things still weird? Have you found a solution?’ etc. etc.). I was also bad at essays/open answer questions in school (despite usually being great at the class otherwise), because no matter how hard I tried to filter my speech and cut things out, I was always far too long-winded  and would get almost too engaged with the topic and lose the clear cut thought organization and focus that you’re supposed to have I guess. Even like, playing video games or something that’s supposed to be relaxing, I can’t just ‘jump into them’ and do whatever, usually any game I play (large ones at least, small 25 minute  point and click adventure games don’t count of course), I have 7 - 10 pages of notes, do hours of research, look up most of the main spoilers, plan out and organize exactly how I’m going to play it and this and that, etc. lol... 

So, that personality trait carries over into posting things online as well, I can’t just type something out quickly and hit ‘post’ without a second thought. Social media is hard for me because you’re supposed to use it casually, but I spend a long time re-reading drafted posts, thinking about them, etc. etc., and end up never actually getting around to posting anything. It’s not that I’m perfectionist about it and want it to be ‘good’ or appear a certain way, it’s just that my mind becomes preoccupied with things I guess.  I’m a natural information gatherer, part of my natural way of processing things is to learn everything possible before acting, and I want to make sure I’ve fully thought about everything always, and know as much as I can (so I wouldn’t want to publicly say something without giving it a lot of consideration first, or post a picture without really thinking about if I want to post it, what my reasons behind posting it are (like if I’m posting something just for a validation of a certain aspect of myself VS. genuinely because I like it, etc.), if a few months from now I’ll still like that I posted it, etc. lol.. even with like silly cat photos or something, I have to analyze it and be like ‘hmm.. will I still stand by this picture in 4 months? why am I posting it publicly vs, just keeping it privately to myself on my computer? what’s important about it?’ etc. etc. ghgjhgjh.. like.. shut up lol.)

ANYWAY, yeah, I don’t know if it’s about wanting online content to be “good”, as much as it’s just like... I take everything way too seriously and am detail-oriented, contemplative, and analytical to a fault, which means it just takes me 10x longer to do basic ‘’simple’’ things that it would for other people. Though I can still be quite quick-thinking and decisive (I don’t often waver back and forth between things too long), it’s usually because I have years of thinking about the same exact things behind me, so I already am very clear on my opinions on stuff, to a point. But when it’s new things I’m less familiar with (like playing a new game, or posting regularly online), I’m still in a phase where I guess I have to give it a lot of thought. I just process things in a different way than other people I guess? Or have some inherent inability to be brief/concise/careless? If you’ve ever read any of my worldbuilding posts (where I usually start off wanting to explain one thing but then have to derail into 400 other misc. details and explanations and it ends up being a novel), then maybe it’s more evident what I mean, where it’s just like... my natural manner of speaking is Too Much.. I guess? Even this answer is winding and rambly, and I feel like other people could have answered this ask in only a few sentences lol.. 

 If any of that makes sense? I don’t know how to describe how I am lol.. I just know it's hard to me to use social media in this ~~casual effortless~~ way most people seem to, since my brain is just inherently incapable of anything ‘’casual’’ or ‘’effortless’’ lol..  T u T ;; 

6. " Hi! I hope this isn't weird to say, I'm designing a race for my DND campaign and some of the aesthetics are a little bit inspired by some of your costumes and makeup designs. You're awesome and your art is awesome so thanks : ) "

Thanks so much, I appreciate it! It’s always cool to hear I can inspire people~ 

(I usually don’t include many compliments in these ask compilation posts, but I always try to include a few, just to let people know that even if I don’t respond to all of them I do see them, and appreciate it!) 

7.  ???

I ended up cropping out this ask and not answering because some of the content was questionable (the reason WHY/how they wanted to make the character) in a way that I didn’t feel like getting into a long thing about, but part of it was relevant to making OCs in my world, so I will just make a quick comment:

I do state that this is a closed world, so I don’t want anyone making OCs of my species or etc. at least not at this point. Once my game is finished (if ever lol), or I write a few books or something, then I feel it would be understandable if people like, made up a background story for their player character and thus maybe could have some form of OC in my world and etc.. So I may be more relaxed on this in the future as I create content that people naturally would want to engage with , but for now, I’m still a very tiny creator with a closed world and it just doesn’t feel the same as like.. making an oc based on some thing in a big TV series or something. My worldbuliding and etc. is still very personal to me. Unless we’re directly collaborating on things (like mentioned here (link) a bit), or you’re a personal friend of mine who’s gotten involved in the world with my own guidance (meaning I could tell you lore things you’d need to know to make it accurate, etc.), then I don’t feel it’s appropriate for strangers to do at this point. 

Especially since I don’t even have enough world info out for people to be able to reference (most species have half-complete guides, I’ve only ever talked about like, one continent, etc.). There are so many necessary details which I have only in my head and have never typed out, so again, idk, it’d just be weird. I’m not okay with it until I have a lot more lore published, and maybe a few actual works out there that people can reference/stories/games/basis for OCs to exist in the first place. If that makes sense? 

8. "Hey, is it ok to use your outfit posts as inspiration for a dnd character? I love them so much, you have such a unique way of combining crazy patterns and fabrics into something that gives off a good vibe”

Yes, that would be fine! Thank you for asking, and I appreciate the compliments~ Hopefully I can get back to posting that sort of thing more often lol.. I’ve gotten WAY off my routine and haven’t done many outfits lately.. aaa

9. "hi Luca! i just wanted to say i really love all of your costumes and fashions and dress ups, its all so cool and pretty and interesting. i actually wanna dress up for fun for myself, and now that i know about the bins i think i'll try to convince my mom to take me to similar places for cheap clothing pieces, since my mom is worried about how much all this costume stuff costs. anyway, please keep posting your cool and beautiful stuff! "

Thank you so much! I wish you luck with your costumes! Yeah, I think there’s a common idea in a lot of fashion communities (like with makeup, costumes, etc.) that you have to always have high quality things to look nice, and even if sometimes you can do more with a little extra money, really you can make anything look good with what you have if you just combine it right. As I’ve always been quite low income, being into fashion and stuff has be discouraging at times, that I couldn’t afford certain materials or items, but you just have to find a niche where what you’re able to do works. For example, a lot of even ‘cheap’ lolita style clothings are too expensive for me (like $30 - $50 for a dress??? then the more pricey ones can be over $100???) lol.. BUT, then stuff like mori kei, cult party kei, fantasy costumes, etc. you can do with nearly any fabric you can find, and it’s still just as fun and creative. Most of the outfits I take pictures of probably cost me no more than $1 - $10 for every single item combined. Obviously it depends on location - I have better access now that I live near a place like the bins, which I understand there may not be similar resources in small towns or etc. But even with generic thrift stores (which may not be as cheap as the bins), you can still find pretty good alternatives to all the money it costs to buy things brand new. There’s still some stuff I legit just can’t do because I don’t have access to the materials, but for the most part I can manage everything I’d like with $3 eye-shadows and 15 cent tattered curtain fabrics lol. You can still do really cool stuff on a pretty nonexistent budget!

10. “do you have any tips on growing your hair long? is it expensive to up keep? i wanna grow mine out but it grows so slow!”

Well, I know nothing about hair and am not a hair stylist or etc. so I really don’t have any tips lol??  And I think hair maintenance depends a lot on the type of hair you have, not everyone’s is the same. I assume we must have similar hair  (my natural hair is thick kind of coarse very dark brown/black hair, which is a bit wavy in some parts but mostly straight, but most of my hair currently (aside from the overgrown roots at the top) is altered because of damage from bleaching and etc., it’s more brittle. so that’s what I’ll be referencing) if you’re asking me this instead of someone else, but just know that whatever I say may not apply to you.  

Anyway, I really don’t do anything to my hair to make it grow or etc., it’s just that I’ve gone a long time without cutting it lol. I used to cut it all the time or change styles, and now I’ve kind of just left it for 5 or 6 years or so. Because of my mental illness I have trouble maintaining personal care and etc., so I do sometimes go a week or more without washing it, even though I’m trying to work that into my schedule more (luckily I don’t have stinky head, I’ve heard some people’s scalp oils and stuff can smell weird if left for too long, I have the privilege of being able to like.. skip on hygiene a lot without it severely impacting my ability to do things or etc. since it’s usually not obvious if I haven’t bathed in a week or two). 

My cat also EATS HUMAN HAIR for some reason, so I have to keep it up all the time, so that when I shed it doesn’t actually just fall loose onto the ground lol. Literally all I do to my hair is just keep it in two braids at all times and wash it with normal shampoo and conditioner occasionally, when I can. I really only think it’s gotten long because I’ve been leaving it alone and not messing with it, not really because of anything I’ve done (like I don’t use fancy products on it or etc.) And because of that, no, it’s not really expensive! It absolutely WOULD be if I were like..a normal functioning person and I regularly bleached it and dyed it and put products on it and styled it and used shampoo and conditioner every 1-3 days on it and etc. lol.. But I guess because I don’t do anything to it to maintain it, I’m not spending money on hairspray or dye or shampoo or etc.  I used to bleach it a lot and straighten it and use hairspray and stuff on it, and it seems healthier (at least on the new top parts) now that I’m just ... ignoring it basically lol. But I don’t really know what to do to make it grow faster! I’m bad at self-care, and even if I do costumes and stuff, I really am not into beauty and hair and nails and makeup and stuff, so I’m probably the wrong person to ask hghjhb.. My upkeep routine is just... eat and sleep. wash face with water daily.. do extra stuff if you can manage to despite your functioning issues, etc. I’m definitely not a Beauty Advice person, I barely brush my hair even once a week lol

11. "Maybe you should reduce the number of races if it's too overwhelming? A world can still be immersive with only a few races in it."

(sidenote - Not to be nitpicky, but I make a specific point that the groups of fantasy creatures I create are species, not ‘’races’’, even though it is a commonly used term in fantasy worldbuilding, I think it’s inaccurate/weird )

I know I don’t have to make so many different groups, but, I guess I just really want it to be a broad setting. Part of the point in creating Nanyevimi (aside from worldbuilding just being extremely fun and a hobby greatly suited to someone with my personality traits lol) is to have an established world that I can do anything within, a framework already built where it'd be super easy to just drop a character anywhere on the map and already have an idea of what their culture, background, experiences, etc. would be based on pre-existing details about that portion of the world, etc. But I also want it to be broad, and varied, where every area kind of has it’s own dynamics going on there, so if you’re in a different place, you get a different kind of story. (like in an elven alliance city, you’d be better suited to tell an adventure story centering around complicated local politics, or city life, or etc.. whereas out in some isolated mountains in the south, it’d be more suited for a mystery story about stumbling across ancient ruins, or running into a mysterious traveler, etc.) 

Which I guess doesn’t matter much, since I'm better at setting, world design, character design, planning, and details than I am at plot, so  I probably won’t actually ever do anything with it (god forbid I tried to write a book or something with my utter inability to be concise/brief in any imaginable way). I can craft settings/characters/history/world-details all day endlessly, never losing inspiration or etc, but my weak point is actually telling stories within those settings and formulating a solid plan, organizing plot structures long term and etc.. Setting up everything for something to happen/creating a place where many interesting premises could occur is fine, but then actually thinking of how those things should OCCUR, or how the set up should play out, is where I get kind of lost. I guess the ideal at some point would be to have people working with me, helping when writing stories in my world/outlining games/etc, to add more cohesion/structure and reign in the unfocused stream of ideas,  but that’s very unlikely since I don’t have any close friends that are good at organizing or plotting either, etc. BUT anyway, even if I can’t ever manage to do anything with it, the whole “having a setting I can use for anything I want if anything ever comes up, which is already established and thus makes it much easier to formulate ideas because all the background work is already done for myself” thing is at least a nice goal.. in concept...theoretically lol..  

And, it’s not really too overwhelming, I think the overwhelming part is actually just formatting and producing those ideas in a consumable form. It’s not hard for me to keep track of 20 different groups and make backgrounds and every imaginable detail for them, but it IS hard to actually take all that information that exists in my head, type it out as a worldbuilding post, format and organize it, draw pictures to go with it, etc. If I could just post long stream of consciousness style 300,000 word long posts with no paragraph breaks, 4000 typos, barely any punctuation, etc., then I’d have A LOT more world-building info publicly available (since that’s what all the initial documents on my computer look like lol), but that’s just so inaccessible it’d be pointless to have public in the first place. The hard part isn’t really coming up with or managing the information, it’s just... organizing it all, and finding a way to share it. 

12. "oh PLEASE tell me what boing peach beverage the elf looks like"

a quick sketch of them.. mysterious peach (and other produce) salesman   

13. "fun question: what are ur fashion pet-peeves?"

Well, basically none because I hate when people are rigid over Fashion Rules or etc. Like, people who take pictures of others in public because they “look weird” , or who constantly trash on what people are allowed to wear, what patterns can be mixed with others, etc. etc. I get that some stuff can look kind of bad sometimes, and it’s not that I think nobody is allowed to criticize fashion trends or etc. (especially if they’re legitimately problematic, like of course someone wearing a homophobic t-shirt or doing blackface should be criticized), but I mean just like... that sort of trivial bitter criticism that doesn’t do anything but make people feel bad about the way they look or make them afraid to dress in ways they feel comfortable. Like taking a picture of someone and posting it online to make fun of them because they wore socks with sandals, or bullying 14 year olds who just started doing makeup and haven’t totally gotten their look sorted out yet, etc. etc. (ESPECIALLY since this can often intersect with classism, racism, etc. if you really examine what people mock as 'ugly' or 'unacceptable' styles, it's often stuff like men wearing dresses/makeup, women not shaving, clothing associated with poverty (like wearing “”cheap”” clothes), physical traits commonly associated with poc, making fun of people who look a certain way likely due to mental illness (like fidgeting, dirty mismatched clothing, carrying stuffed animals or comfort items in public etc.), etc. etc.

I find costumes and makeup and outfits to be a very cool and fun way to express myself. So when people are complete freaks about it and set out to just relentlessly make others feel bad for no good reason, it’s like... obnoxious... How can you take something with so much potential and limit it and close others off and turn it into this rigid hateful thing, when it should be something that everyone is able to be passionate about and appreciate?? Outside appearance isn't everything, but it's a tool of expression for so many people and can relate to who they are as a person, people should never feel uncomfortable to be who they are or look how they look just because some dumbass rich person writing for a style magazine has the gall to declare some random thing to be 'Unfashionable' despite not having a genuinely creative bone in their body, or some bigot thinks that certain things are ‘ugly’ or ‘unprofessional’ due to their own mental associations, etc.

But anyway, I guess if I had to choose a few things that I just think look kind of odd to me personally/are generally off-putting...  

--- the overdrawing lips thing when you can see the persons actual lip-line and it almost looks like they have two mouths or something? (if not done intentionally for costume makeup). It can look a little strange to me sometimes, like an optical illusion where you see multiple mouth lines at once?? idk like this?

--- freckles that are just round circles and really heavy and don’t look realistic (though again, I also realize this could just be the person’s first time drawing them on or something and I’m not  mocking for lack of skill, etc. I just mean that it’s a little strange to look at, not actually BAD though) (and it can also be intentional, like for a cartoony costume look) ---- People adopting cutesy/childlike fashion and clothing and sexualizing it or using it as part of their sex/kink stuff.. I just feel like anything associated with children should not be sexualized..? If the first thing someone thinks when seeing children's school uniforms or frilly little girl’s doll dresses or whatever is that it could be a Hot Thing then hhh... like why is your brain making those connections lol.. People can dress how they want for whatever reasons they want, but that’s always personally creeped me out a little. Similar to our culture’s obsession with looking young being ‘hot’ (like a grown man wanting someone who’s a legal adult but still “looks 16″ or etc.), where it’s like.. okay, I guess yeah outwardly you can make that choice, and maybe aren’t directly causing harm, but.. the underlying tones of it and etc. still make it very unsettling to witness lol... ---- anything appropriated obviously, as well as fetishization or bastardization of cultures, like t-shirts with Japanese writing on them Just For Aesthetic, or taking certain culturally or religiously significant symbols or etc. and adopting them as ‘just a silly fashion’ thing when you’re actually being disrespectful, etc.  ---- those shorts or whatever that go up extremely high on the hipbones always look a little weird to me lol, like they give a person funny proportions, 

(you may have to right click open image in new window and zoom to see the text, but it’s like.. the blank space makes it look kind of weird to me? Like there’s too much where there’s just nothing going on? idk. That’s just my personal preference though, obviously I tend to lean towards busy designs lol)

That’s all I can think of though, like I said, I’m really not picky or judgy about fashion since I think people should be able to do whatever they want for the most part. I’m not like a “omg stripes should NEVER be worn with plaid!!” type person or something lol. 

14. "Hey Luca! I love when you post about your world. Do you have a favorite species you've made up so far? Also, I hope you're holding up well during the crisis!"

AAaa thanks! I’m okay mostly. It’s distressing since because of my particular mental illness I already have constant paranoia and obsessions about health, so of course hearing about so much illness can be really triggering constantly and I’m preoccupied in never-ending anxiety spirals about mortality and etc. etc. etc. , but situationally, I’m just very thankful that nobody in my household has gotten sick yet and I desperately wish that will continue to be the case. *** *** *** 

(ignore the *** *** *** , this is a text version of a physical compulsion (a hand movement) that I have to do when I mention certain topics lol.. the little man in my brain that controls my obsessive compulsive disorder says I must do certain things after saying or thinking certain things,, You Know How It Is ) 

And I really love worldbuilding questions, so thank you so much!!!!! Hghgh maybe it seems weird to favor any over the others, but of course I really like the Avirre'thel. Conceptually, I think their origin story and connection to ancient elves and their abilities and etc. put them in a really unique position in the broader world (some of the only truly immortal people to exist, the only people who can still decipher ancient elven texts in a way that makes sense, etc. etc.). Since Nanyevimi (my world) is really just a setting being built so that in the future I can set things within it (games, short stories, etc.), I think I'm drawn to the aspects of it that have the most potential to make interesting characters, and there are definitely a lot of pre-established dynamics with the Avirre'thel/in Navyete (their home country) as a whole that would make it an good place to set certain things, or a good group for a main character to be from, etc.

I do really like the Jhevona as a species overall too, even if I haven't developed them as much, they also kind of stand out as having some fairly unique features that put them in an interesting position in the world (being one of the most magically capable groups that exists but that also having downsides (health issues and infertility from magic exposure, etc.), how the necessity to keep control over their magic influences their culture, being some of the only natural shape-shifters, etc.). Within that, I REALLY love the Thastanri (a subspecies of Jhevona), like their connection to dreams, the Imkasyn, being one of the last few peoples in contact with real dragons, etc. etc. There are a lot of complex things going on in their area, so there’d be a lot of potential to tell a variety of stories or have interesting characters from that group. 

AND, though it's supposed to be Unknown in the world so I won't talk about it just in case I ever write a book one day or something and need to preserve at least a FEW mysteries that I don't just outright explain in worldbuilding posts, Jhevona do have the most interesting origins of any species in my opinion. There are some things from before the timeline break sort of thing (where all recorded history was seemingly wiped and everyone had a big memory loss about 50,000 yrs ago) that people aren't aware of anymore... but Jhevona used to have a cool backstory and quite interesting function in society prior to that. There are some remnants in the genetics of the species and how their magic works (at least for certain groups) that kind of hint at how ancient Jhevona used to look and what they used to do, even though in the modern day things are very different.

15. "Top 10 songs you've been listening to lately?"

I don’t have a top 10 since I listen to everything for different reasons, and don’t have as deep a relationship with music the way some people do (like I don’t really have a favorite band or group I have a connection with that’s “gotten me through hard times”, or music I cry to/any songs that are specifically personally emotionally meaningful to me, etc., etc.), but here’s a quick playlist of a few favorite-ish things I’ve had in my head a lot recently - 

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPmQ4SZdFFHNkgKo7nAiEMgVvLcycX5Qc

the last song on the list specifically I’ve been replaying a lot for some reason, I guess since it’s good background music as there’s no words. Particularly the part that starts around like 38 seconds in, something about that melody reminds me of something distant, in a dreamlike way. The past few days I mostly alternate between that song, Outstanding, and And The Beat Goes On  lol

16. " Do you ever sell sculptures? I really like that little fawn!"

Yeah, I hope to eventually! Like I mentioned in question number three, if I can set up some sort of way to do auctions or etc, then maybe I can sell that one! 

17 & 18 : '"aaa yay!! i missed your outfits!!!" / "can I just say love ur outfits! They're so cool and inspire me to draw my ocs with new outfits > o < and I love your cat too, please give him a big ol pat!"

Thank you!!!! more compliments posted just to show I appreciate them lol, even if I don’t publicly respond to every one~ And, the Boyes appreciate the pats.. here is them.. big babbeys... 

[solesurvivorkat]

Get To Know Meme/20 Questions

Tagged by @starsandskies and @amistrio, thank you guys!  <3  As always, so sorry for the slow/delayed reply! 

Rules: Answer 20 questions, then tag 20 bloggers you want to get to know better.  ((I will hold back from tagging anyone b/c I’m always behind in these, so please feel free to steal if you’d like to do this!))

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Name: Katie

Nicknames: ‘Kat’ to some, mostly in my Discord group b/c there’s already a better person there named Katie that was a member of the group longer than me.  ( ...It has nothing to do w/ the fact that she’s a million times more awesome than me, I’m sure, LOL! ;-) ) I’m also sometimes called ‘Kit-Kat’ by an old friend of mine.

Zodiac Sign: Aries (right near the cusp of being a Taurus)

Height: 5′5″ish (5′4 3/4″, I was once told... come on now, lol)

Languages: Native = English, rusty on French & a tiny bit of Spanish I learned in school (many years ago, lol)

Nationality: American (New England)

Favorite Season: Hmm... tough call, b/c there’s things I love about all of them. Maybe Spring, though Fall is a close second.

Favorite Flower: Hmm... that’s a hard one for me. I love rainbow roses (yes, I know they’re manufactured), lilacs, hydrangeas... there were white carnations with red edges in my wedding bouquet (December), so pretty! I don’t grow flowers though... I tend to accidentally kill them, lol.  *XD

Favorite Scent: Woodsmoke, freshly baked chocolate chip cookies/brownies, fresh cut grass, mulch (might sound weird, but I dunno), fresh linen, Elizabeth Taylor’s White Diamonds/Passion (my Nana used to wear those perfumes), cedar, pine, Old Spice cologne (my grandfather wore and husband wears it...... yes, I'm aware of the old catchphrase, lol)

Favorite Color: Cerulean (not trying to be lame, but I like that color!), silver

Favorite Animal: Dog (Huskies! And similar), wolf, red panda, guinea pig, rabbit, chinchilla (I tend to like anything cute-looking though, lol)

Favorite Fictional Character: Oh, there’s quite a few, lol... some include John Seed (I KNOW he’s bad, so sue me - no pun intended, lol), Jeremy Danvers (NOT the 3rd season, though I just started it - but don’t have high hopes lol), my Discord buddies’ OCs are all awesome (just b/c they’re not known famously DOESN’T mean they don’t count!), Paladin Danse & Arthur Maxson from FO4 (they’re often misunderstood - hate me if you must, but I’m NOT just saying that b/c ‘OMG, HAWT’  ::eyeroll:: ))... I KNOW there’s more, but none are immediately jumping to my mind right now, lol. I’m sure it’ll hit me later.

Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: Never coffee (though I like the way it smells)... usually cocoa, but tea can be nice too (it’d have to be flavored though - I don’t like plain/iced tea)

Average Sleep Hours: Depends... anywhere between 5-8hrs, depending

Dog or Cat person: Dog (cats can definitely be cute, but I’m at least quasi-allergic)

Number of Blankets Slept With: 1 quilt (but we always keep our house around 70 degrees Fahrenheit anyway b/c of our pets)

Dream Trip: Honestly? ...There’s lots of places that I’m sure are amazing and breathtaking, but I don’t really have a huge desire to see them.  ::shrug::  I just wanna go to Disney World/Universal (again, went when I was around 12) w/ my husband & son someday.

Blog Established: Let’s see... My first post was on...  ((checks))  August 2nd, 2016. Wow. I was still all (only) about ‘Fallout 4′ back then... boy that changed with time, lol! Two of the ideas I posted for a FO4 fic back then (which nobody seemed to care about at the time, lol), I eventually molded into my own fic ‘Shadow of Steel’... the things you look back on.  ^.^

Followers: Currently 231 (was 230 for a bit, then went down to 229, and then rose a tiny bit again! Thank you to all my followers, it’s truly an honor! ILY guys!  <3 )

Random Fact/Bonus: ........I don’t think there’s anything that interesting about me, really. I don’t have as much confidence in myself or my writing as I might seem. I’m not popular, super-talented, or exceptionally pretty/in shape. I don’t have a ton of hobbies, and even if I did I probably wouldn’t have enough time to devote to them (which is kinda my problem w/ the few that I have now) b/c I devote most of my time to my toddler (I have wanted to be a mom since I was around 5 years old & understood basically what it was to be a mom). I’m a daydreamer/hopeless romantic/twit that most people overlook, which isn’t surprising b/c I’m perfectly average in every way. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea and though I try to be nice to everyone, I think people must sense that I’m weird or something b/c I don’t have many (’IRL’) friends (not for lack of trying... just... nothing ‘sticks’/’clicks’. It’s why I don’t truly open up to people often... most of the few people I’ve ‘let in’ have ended up disappointing me/leaving me behind). I am personally amazed my husband ‘clicked’ w/ me & that we’ve been together/best friends for 11 years and counting (married for 9 in December), and I thank God every day for him. Even with people that I kinda fit in with, I don’t feel like I ever truly fit in. It’s... frustrating, and sometimes lonely, to say the least. So... yeah.  ::shrugs again:: ...Sorry for the spiel, but... I dunno, this category made me a bit introspective, LOL.