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a-penchant-for-the-lethe · 1 year

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Regulus' problem started with James.

James, who would absolutely take any excuse to hold Regulus' hand, asked if it was okay if he doodled little pictures on him. Claiming that it would help him focus.

"What do you mean there's paper right there, Love? Just give me your hand. Please?"

So, James just started scribbling little suns and snakes and one dopey lion (whose ears were vaguely lopsided) looking extremely content while doing so. Regulus - the poor sod, always weak for a happy James - just let him get away with it.

A mistake, he realized much too late. As soon as Pandora saw she wanted to add her own "artistic vision" to his hands and who could possibly resist Pandora? So, in addition to the snakes, the suns, and the lion (whom they'd lovingly named Leopold), there were flowers and vines weaving their way through his fingers and up his sleeves. Small rainbows, in only black ink, on the backs of his hands.

Dorcus was the next one bold enough to ask. A bracelet of triangles was added around his wrists in an up-down pattern.

"Because you only ever accessorize with rings. You need to branch out. See? Bracelets suit you, Reggie."

Evan wanted to add clouds to the ends of Pandora's rainbows ("Rainbows shouldn't just end like that. It looks weird. Come here, let me fix it.") along with the uneven swirls he drew on each of Reg's fingertips.

Barty was absolutely distraught to have been the last in their little group to get to draw on Regulus. It was a terrible betrayal that James got to do it before him, despite it being James’ idea to begin with.

He put tiny X's all the way down Regulus's pinkies. Then, he did the same to his own hands. So they would match. And so that if they were to theoretically make a pinky promise, which of course they would never do, as the serious and intimidating posh boys they were... then the X's would line up.

Sirius nearly triped over Remus when he saw what had been done to his brother because Regulus never painted on his hands as a kid. His memory was always really good, so there was no need to jot down quick reminders on the backs of his palms.

Whenever he did need to remember something, he just wrote it in that little black notebook he took everywhere, the one he would never let Sirius see.

Sirius, on the other hand, was almost always covered in little pictures and notes because he was scatter-brained, but mostly because it irritated their mother to no end.

Regulus never wanted to do anything that could disappoint their mother, so the image of Regulus holding on to his books with arms covered in ink was an odd one for Sirius. Regulus looked defiant. More importantly, Regulus looked happy.

Regulus explained his "predicament" to them in a petulant tone. Despite the small smile that seemed to be making its way onto his face as he recounted how James’ small requests snowballed into whatever the heck was going on with his hands now.

Sirius asked if they could "contribute to the community canvas" that had become of Regulus's skin, and he relented with the worlds most dramatic sigh. Remus drew a crescent moon on Reggie's left arm while Sirius drew a star on his right.

Peter was so shy about asking, Regulus wasn't entirely sure if he would. Regulus found himself very glad that Peter did, however, because when he finished, there was the most adorable and detailed little drawing of a mouse Regulus had ever seen.

His hands were almost entirely covered by the end of the day, so it was honestly a miracle that Lily found space for anything at all. But if Regulus knew anyone capable of miracles, it was certainly Lily Evans. Her design was a simple heart just below his thumb.

"A reminder. And a promise," she had said,"of how much we love you."

When Regulus watched the ink wash away in the shower, he was surprised by how sad he was to see it go. His arms felt bare when he went to bed. He thought it was strange just how quickly he'd gotten used to the doodles, like they'd always been there, under his skin.

He supposed James’s idea wasn't as bad as he thought it would be, initially. He found that, maybe, he already missed Leopold, and Lily's heart, and all the little pictures that served as proof that he was loved.

Eventually, he learned he didn't really need the pictures, though, because he had the people. People who still loved him even when there weren't strangely-ending rainbows and hearts on his hands to prove it.

They'd always been there. His people. He couldn't imagine a world where they wouldn't be. It was like imagining the earth without the sun. The sky without the stars. Unnatural. Cold.

The next morning, Mary and Marlene got to him first. A dimond and a broomsitck were the first things added to his arms, respectively. He thought it was incredible how quickly he'd grown to love so many people even when he never thought he could.

Maybe a younger version of him would be screaming that this could get back to his mother, somehow. That this would disappoint her. He could no longer find it in him to care. Because he had people who really loved him right here. Absolutely extatic that their little drawings came out so well.

His arms were always clean by the time he went to bed, but every day, he got to collect new doodles from all his favorite people.

It was always slightly different. Paw prints or sometimes footprints made their way down his arms. Sometimes, there were antlers or intricately drawn eyes. Sometimes, Peter would show off and draw something incredible that would have everyone else trying a little bit harder with their doodles that day.

Always, no matter how much room was left (be it a little or a lot), there was a heart from Lily. Always. A reminder. A promise. He was loved. By so many wonderful people. His real family loved him, and at the end of the day, that was everything. The only thing that mattered.

They surrounded him with warmth and love like it was the most natural thing in the world for them. Even if he could never be as open as Lily with her endless complements or as touchy as James with his soft hugs and quick kisses, he could learn to love and be loved more. In subtle ways that meant the world to the people who cared about him.

James takes every excuse to hold his hand, and Lily never misses a chance to tell him he's lovely. His friends throw themselves near him in piles and laugh until their lungs ache. His brother is with him again like he should be. Like that's the only way the universe will have it. There is love.

It doesn't matter if someday the only marking left on Regulus' arm was not drawn out of love. And it doesn't matter if the end of the story is not kind. If it is cold and unnatural like a sky without stars, because there was love.

And he can hope that his sacrifice will be enough to make up for his mistakes. He can hope that his final act will help shift the tides of the war, keep the people he loves safe. He can hope that his brother will forgive him if he ever leans the truth. He can hope that his life will leave an impact.

Because the end of the story is not what matters. The only thing that matters now is that the love he had at the start stays with him. It's proof he existed. That was his impact. No one final act of reckless heroics but infinite acts of courage and kindness and compassion that lead him to his people.

The end of the story doesn't matter, repeats like a mantra in Regulus head as water tries to wash away the marking on his arm one final time. The gray hands that grip him can take this mark. He never wanted it anyway, and he won't be sorry to see it go. The ones that matter will stay with him, always.

Beneath his skin. Burned into his heart. Keeping him warm even as cold water fills his lungs and makes him ache in such a familiar way. The harder it gets to think, the easier it is to convince himself that the pressure in his chest is just Lily sprawled across him on the couch. James told a supid joke. Now Regulus is laughing so hard he's running out of air. The moment the pressure eases up, Regulus will get him back.

And if the pressure never eases up, at least Regulus can be sure that he had love at the start, and he has love now. Always. Lily promised, and she's always right. The water can wash away all the ink it wants. Take his air and his life. It can think itself invincible. Because as long as stars burn in the sky, Regulus will be loved.

#You know i think even the deathmark on Regulus's arm was put there out of love.#he did what he had to do to protect the people he cares about.#I think this could be read as a lot of ships #if you like jegulily consider :#Lily and James drawing smiley faces on Regulus' fingertips and then taking turns kissing each one #or Jegulus:#jealous james drawing a really big smiley faced sun on the back of each of reggie's hands like a little 'warning do not touch-mineminem..'#Barty draws sunglasses on every sun James draws like a competition #Pandora and Evan have it out too #Evan can only add clouds to the rainbows when Dora's not looking lest he be jinxed #she thinks it's an insult to her artistic abilities #he just likes clouds #personally i think thas adorable #wait u k ow what else is adorable?#wolfstar's drawings facing eachother.#the cresent moon faces the star #the star skews toward the moon.#I'm sorry about the atrocious use of commas #I'm tired lol #marauder era #james potter #sirius black #regulus black #remus lupin #pandora rosier #barty crouch jr #fuck jkr #evan rosier #dorcas meadowes #lily evans

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hersweetrevenge · 1 year

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3 movies, 3 books and 3 songs that changed my life (or that i love)

@slutforstabbings keeps giving me the impossible task of self-reflection lol. i tried to do a similar eras system (child, teen, young adult), but it's not perfect. watch me defend my choices below the cut ✌

i will pass the torch, without any pressure, to my beloved @solivagant-muse 💗 (and anyone else who feels like doing it, of course !!)

films

scooby doo and the witches ghost (1999): one of the movies i had on vhs as a kid. the first appearance of the hex girls? of course it changed the trajectory of my life. every single day i think about how cute it was that luna's dad ( a dentist) made fang implants for the hex girls to wear.

natural born killers (1994): i was an edgy teenager. i love the cinematography and the editing and how meta it is and the fucked up romance. and it was one of the films that made me want to study film, so i guess i should send my university bill to oliver stone?

halloween ends (2022): is anyone surprised? anyone at all? i've had other films i've loved in adulthood (looking at you, house of wax), but i've never become to instantly obsessed as i did with ends. i've never developed so many hcs and aus and possibilities for one thing. do i really have to defend this one? just look at my blog lol.

books

withering tights (the misadventures of tallulah casey) by louise rennison: there were so many books i loved as a kid, but this is one i come back to even now. it's about friendship, finding your passions, having a silly teenage romance. i'm glad my tweenie self read this book.

the secret history by donna tartt: another teenage cliché. i was actually recommended this book by my own classics teacher in college. i've re-read this book at least 5 times i think? i love it, it's passionate and dark and funny. you fall exactly into the trap that richard does in romanticising these dysfunctional people. no one can change my mind.

the wasp factory by iain banks: do you wanna read something fucked up? then read the wasp factory. i think about this book a lot, just because some of the images were just so weird and disturbing and visceral. it's blunt and brash and has no frills at all. it'll make you feel weird and i heavily advise reading some content warnings beforehand, but it is an experience.

songs:

the tide is high by blondie: the first song i ever remember liking. when i was a kid my dad would drive me to school and ask what i wanted to listen to on the radio and i would ask for this song (and surprisingly it actually was on the radio a lot in the early 00s?).

maya the psychic by gerard way: this song reminds me of a bright grey day in march with a cold breeze and a new found will to live.

respite on the spitalfields by ghost: my favourite song from the first ghost album i ever listen to (recommended by a friend). respite (the final track) literally makes me feel like my heart is going to explode, and the way the last riff merges back into imperium (the first track)? obsessed. i fell asleep to this album so many times at university, so respite was really the soundtrack to my slumber.

#we can ignore how all of my (non existent) graphic design skills went out the window --#-- when asked to make nine images the same size and formatted evenly lol #i've had to miss out so many of my favourite things because although i love them they might not have been a foundational moment for me #i'm sorry mcr you just didnt make the cut !!#maya the psychic has a lot of lore for me. but you get the cryptic version.#my beloved friend riri (@eggsandbeer go follow her she knows what shes talking about) introduced me to ghost and i owe her my life lol #when i say read the content warnings for wasp factory. i mean it.#does this explain a lot about me??

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