#i offered it to a couple of ppl and no one wanted the responsibility which i totally understand since it’s a baby so i needs more attention

[kaidabakugou]

GIVE US A KITTEN UPDATE PLS TT

i kept it :)

ik i said i was going to find a good home for her (it’s her for now bc i think it’s a girl but we don’t know yet until we take her to the vet 🥹) but after not finding anyone that wanted her plus arguing with some ppl and family members over it (i’ll rant in the tags about it) i decided to try my best and give her that home myself even though ive never had cats, only dogs my whole life and don’t know the first thing of dealing with cats so it’s gonna be an interesting journey lol

thankfully my dog is obsessed with her and she also warmed up to him quickly so now they spend day and night playing, i have an old play cushion from when my corgi had her babies so they play on it all the time bc if i leave them on the couch for too long they scratch it 😭

vid of them playing under the cut 💗

[phagodyke]

didn't realise I was angry abt my mum trying to seek emotional reassurance from me until I brought it up in conversation w my roommate and ended up bitching for an hour abt it like. yeah okay I guess I am a bit pissed off !!

[moonshine-nightlight]

Potential Long Stories

hey, while looking to next year, i have a number of long story ideas i'm considering and i'd like to gauge y'alls interest in them and see if there are any top contenders since i'd likely only be able to work on one for the next year or two (similar to how Nothing's Wrong with Dale was posted)

these are all just the top ideas i'm considering at the moment and are subject to change when i get back to writing in Spring 2024, but i really want to know if any of these grabs ppls attention as often more interest in a story motivates me to write more!

see under the read more for summaries of each story in the poll

if ur interested in more than one, vote for your favorite and mention the others in the comments/tags!

See this post for a poll on short vs long stories!

See this post for a similar poll on short stories!

see below for summaries and minor details (titles subject to change - but i'm also lazy and hate titling things so maybe not)

A Perfectly Ordinary Research Position: You'd nearly given up hope finding a research assistant position at your new university, but there is one. The professor has apparently gone through four research assistants in the past year and he’s in demonology, but you're desperate. One hasty proposal for a linguistics demonology minor and an application letter later, you find yourself accepting the post. Now you only have to get up to speed on demonology and juggle your own studies with your duties as his assistant. If only the professor wasn’t quite so old and eccentric, constantly changing his mind and personality by the hour. Why, it’s almost as if he’s more than one person. No matter, you'll figure out a way to handle it all. You have to.

Not a direct sequel to Dale, but takes place in the same universe around the same time; ReaderxMaleDemon

Shadow Diplomacy: You’ve been Shaodd’s assistant since he came to your town to Arbitrate a land dispute that was threatening to escalate to violence years ago. Still, you’re used to everyone paying him attention and disregarding you to some extent, no matter that Shaodd always treats you with respect. This kingdom has finally crossed the line, by barring you from the senate entirely. You’re not sure what you thought Shaodd would do in response—but to say you’re his spouse was not at all on the list. Now you’re stuck acting as a married couple while untangling the mess of a situation these people have found themselves in. You can’t help but think how much easier the charade would be if you weren’t in love with him.

Fantasy; ReaderxEldritchEntity

Patronage: You can’t believe it’s come to this. Your country had finally won the war only to fall on desperate times while trying to recover. Your king, a foreigner in all but on paper, is the one who decides a sacrifice to the country’s patron deity is called for and what more worthy sacrifice could there be than his queen? Unfortunately for him, while the sacrifice works, your patron appears before you can die and he says that since you were the sacrifice, you are the one he will defer to. From figure head to divinely backed, can you lead your country back to prosperity?

Fantasy; ReaderxMaleDeity

Tailor Made: You volunteered to accompany the five students who won the contest for free prom outfits, offered by a local high-end tailor shop. You’re braced for someone fussy and quite frankly a snob, but Calvin is not what you expected. He’s sophisticated, but kind—effortlessly setting your students at ease and making everything go smoothly. After everything, you find yourself striking up an odd friendship with the man. You don’t understand why you feel so comfortable around him, but you don’t want to question it. If only you couldn’t tell he was keeping secrets. Will they drive you apart or bring you closer together?

Modern w/secret demons&angels; ReaderxMaleDemon

Imposter Syndrome: It seemed like a tedious but straightforward job at first. Twelve technicians, with a crew of the long-haul vessel brought out in cyro to restore a large mining rig that had malfunctioned. Yeah, the fact that everyone who’d been manning it had died was spooky, but the medical team had already cleared most of that out. The most annoying part was that you were going to have to be in a full suit since the long-hauler didn’t have enough oxygen to restore it to the rig. Then Crewmember Redman found Crewman Chroma’s dead body and worse yet, there were still 12 technicians accounted for. The logs were no help, everyone was on the roster in the system except you all remember the right number. But you hadn’t met anyone before you were put to sleep for the trip. Problems only mount when not only do you fail to identify the impostor, but crewmembers keep dying. Will you be able to figure out who’s killing off crewmember’s before you’re the one in their crosshairs?

Science Fiction; ReaderxAlien

[chemicalarospec]

alr y'all i just had the most harrowing experience of my life. be me reading gay fanfiction in bed. finish a good one. about to put down my 'puter and turn it for the night. movement in the corner of my eye. A MASSIVE SPIDER SCURRIES UP THE WALL NEXT TO ME. I leap out of bed and throw my computer on my roommate's bed. My roommate is in another dorm like a 5 minute walk away but i text them anyways. no response. The spider is moving around the corner of my ceiling. I text someone I know on another floor. THEY'RE IN THEIR HOMETOWN. I text my friend on a different floor. No response; likely asleep. (This story spans an hour from 12:30am to 1:30.) I message my family, we come up with multiple strategies for killing. I post about the situation on my Instagram story. I can't work up the courage to enact any of the strategies. I go downstairs and see a couple people but they're all Engaged and don't Look Friendly so I don't want to bother them and return to my room desolate. I post about it on my instagram story again. I spend AT LEAST five minutes standing in my room, trying to work up the courage to kill it. As I write in my third and final instagram story to come later, "I stood on my bed, Hello Kitty magazine in hand, trying to remember the Dune fear mantra, staring down the infernal creature, quivering in my boots socks." Early today I watched Technoblade's old video "dude college is CRAZY I fear for my LIFE" and omg college IS crazy I DO fear for my life. I hear noises out in the hall. I haven't brought myself to interrupt people talking before, but I look out anyways. Three guys (friendly looking) are standing in the lounge area. I walk down. I ask them to help. One of them is the guy next door! One of his friends offers up his slipper but he just grabs a tissue and kills it so casually?!?! I post my final insta story, I update my family and the class of 2028 server in which I also asked for help (they informed me my dorm has a cockroach infestation... yay...). I tell my mom and brother (my dad sleeps on a normal schedule) I'm going to have to read more gay fanfiction to calm down after this, and my brother posts this image:

My mom reacts with a shocked face emoji. Then she explains she's surprised such a "oddly specific meme" exists, which makes the shocked face less funny because it makes more sense.

AND THEN MY ROOMMATE FINALLY TEXTS ME BACK AND THEY WERE SOMEWHERE IN OUR BUILDING THIS WHOLE TIME WITH TWO PPL WILLING TO KILL SPIDERS. (They're in the room of one of the them which I have no idea where their room is lmao my roommate is scarily social.)

So. The trials and tribulations of college. I survived this time. "By the skin of my teeth, and teeth don't even HAVE skin; that's how you know how bad it is!" (missing the king... technoblade never dies)

[vitaminseetarot]

Hey there 🦋

I've finallyfinally finally reached the end of all the requests for July's game. I'm extremely thankful for your patience in waiting for my response. I had some fun in planning this game out and doing your readings. With that said, however, I just so happened to pick one of the most energetically crazy times to actually start the game, yikes.

The week of doing the game readings was… insane. Not just because of what's happening news-wise, but because too many close call disasters in a very short span of time in my personal sphere. The Mars-Uranus conjunction was no joke! It did a number on me and as a result I had to take some time off to just breathe. My original plan was to have everyone answered within the week, but the wheels on the momentum bus came screeching to a complete halt around the full moon, where I was forced to stop and spend time away from the computer to attend to external matters. From there, I was able to post just a few answers at a time until now. It took me longer than anticipated to finish everyone's readings and I sincerely apologize for all the hang ups.

My goal was to start paid reading immediately after; with Mercury Retrograde coming right up, and with needing to still recover from the past couple weeks, I've decided it may be a better idea to put it off for one more month. My reason for doing this, and why I didn't start earlier this year, is because when I do open up paid services, I want you to get your readings as soon as possible and not have to wait well over a week. Which means I have to be in the right mental health space and life set-up to meet that requirement.

(And as an extra note, I'm only on tumblr and not on other social media platforms, and this is my only account. Please don't get scammed by solicitors pretending to be me!)

I'll be posting a Mercury Rx themed PAC in August because the idea is still sitting fresh in my mind, but I will likely post my menu later after this period transits through. This Elements Game, as fun as it was, ended up exhausting my psychic reserves in a way that the March aura game somehow didn't, and I need to use up the rest of the summer sun to recuperate and regroup. I don't know if I will have another game planned for this year, but if I consider it, I'll keep you updated in advance.

This hasn't been the first time my blog has had to slow to a near halt. I made this account several months before anything could even get posted which was frustrating at first but eventually worked itself out. So far, I've had a great time making these PACs and Game readings for you, but I'm re-realizing that passion alone can't assuage one's health needs. It can't replace food, and sleep, and walks outside, and time for stillness and reflection. And pushing too hard to get everything done actually results in things slowing down too much.

I really hope y'all take care of yourselves this summer. Enjoy what downtime you can get on the weekends, and in your days before the next school semester starts. Don't let the panic of the news completely tune out all the good things this season can offer. Go out and get ice cream with friends. Spend time at the beach. Play a fun new game. And most importantly… Drink your water!! It's very cliche to say but it's literally the biggest message I have for everyone this season, above all. (Dehydration issues are not a joke, ppl, it's scary! 😭)

Drink… and breathe.

Peace ✌🍊

[wifeglor]

14, 21 for maemag, 22 for gap pussy

hi hi!!! (From this list)

14. What are your favorite smut tropes?

I feel like you know them already :D But hmmmm more seriously... I think in general, I have "will think about something I initially found off-putting too hard and decide actually it is hot/fun/wtv" disease, so this would be a long and very inclusive list. I love a good power dynamic in smutfic (good in the sense of a fine vintage, not moral good), whether it's like a fun thing a sweet couple is playacting, an underlying reality for a ship, or outright dubcon/noncon. Obviously "power dynamic" can fit a billion tropes, but I love very many of those tropes for that underlying reason lmao. Also, I love when there's a lot of emotion, be it DRAMA, or angst, or hurt/comfort, or anything else. Obviously those strike different notes and it depends on the story, but like while I think it can be less "sexy" than pure porn I LOVE SO MUCH reading a good like "magical healing dick" conclusion to an arc of longing and woes. It's an orgasm of the SOUL. Or "magical healing baby spawned from magical healing dick," I am Not Immune to this (it's about the Cherishing). Also, I love those ppl on AO3 who are out there writing the most fucked up (affectionate) monsterfucking oneshots ft. worldbuilding with their original characters and original universes--doing Eru's work. ALSO I remember once upon a time being judgy about omegaverse and laugh because wow that really didn't last long on my part as soon as I opened those fics and realized there was longing inside.

21. Share a smutty headcanon about [character(s)]. (Maedhros/Maglor)

Wow who are these characters I've never heard of them before...

I feel like I need a whole essay to try to get out all my thoughts about them and it wouldn't entirely make any sense, but I think the one-headcanon version is like. Maglor longs to be claimed by Maedhros and please Maedhros and be absolved and loved and worthy & this translates well in his brain to being penetrated. Maedhros longs to feel like he can effectively take care of Maglor/make Maglor happy (something I think he has real despair and doubt about, but the resigned despair and bitterness that he can't correlates to how much he WISHES to) and also that his control issues/endless responsibility-taking are Working Actually And Perfectly Good & this translates well in his brain to penetrating Maglor (which is on unspoken offer from Maglor whenever Maglor is in the same continent and Maedhros is still breathing). Much love. I think that dynamic remains in play between them regardless of the sex act but this sure is my preference for them.

22. Share a DVD commentary on [one of your smut fic/smutty scene from a longer work]. (Mapmaking, known in my google docs folder as "gap pussy")

YEAHH okay. So this one has been lurking almost a full year (I think) as a handful of incoherent notes in my notes app, which sort of sketched out a lot of the dirty talk and action. This was very convenient for finally sitting down and writing it!! Which I had a lot of fun doing; every fic of mine for smut week has been pure self-indulgence. This fic owes a spiritual debt to Death and Taxes, an amazing russingon fic by TheLionInMyBed that was formative in my Maedhros thinking like... very early in my entry to Silm fandom stuff. I just loved Maedhros combining his politics and strategy (never turned off!) with sex and romance in such a blatant, funny, affectionate-but-instrumental way. Also, I've been making "Maglor's Gap " jokes since like. Forever, so it was bound to happen sometime.

The actual "strategy" on Maedhros' part here (aka the policies he wants Maglor to enact) is purely styrofoam porn setup and maybe doesn't really make sense, but I figured that's not what we're here for so I didn't pay it too much mind. What I did want to come through in that aspect of the story was Maedhros' affection for Maglor (kinda understated I think in this fic, but he doesn't want Maglor to die in like, say, dragonfire, and he will do all he can to prevent that. He wants Maglor to be as secure as he can, even though maintaining the siege/leaguer & his own trust & strategy mean Maglor is at great personal risk in this critical position) and Maedhros' tendency to taking leaderly responsibility (he's aware of the risk and that he's asked this of Maglor, & Himring will help out the Gap).

Also, in my head this is a spiritual sequel to my magnum opus Thine Ever, Makalaurë, despite the fact that in between these 2 Gap-era moments, Maglor by miracle of Yavanna's touch gained a pussy. This is a period I associate with a lot of hope for them and a sort of renewing of ties, testing and forging of Maglor's devotion and Maedhros' reliance on it, and Himring!Maedhros=sexiest Maedhros. I'm finding it really fun lately to write humor and dirty talk, both of which are kinda new terrain for me, so that's been delightful on my end. New terrain... ha

[vizthedatum]

I need to straight up admit it. I am easily used by people, and I’ve let it happen too many times. This is the most recent incident. At least it didn’t last years.

—

My ex-friend - she used me. I met her this year and I just wanted to help. I didn’t intend to be best friends, and I didn’t intend to be so involved. She needed help, and I could help so I did. I don’t regret any of the help I gave her.

And then she proceeded to try to have me all for herself. She started with my sanity. She would ignore me when I wanted to leave a hang out. She would video-call me multiple times a day even when I said that I usually schedule out video calls and stuff with most people, including my brother, unless it was for emergencies. I need notice for video-calls. I’m often really low spoons for stuff like that unless I plan it out.

She started commenting heavily on my relationships. And she used information I told her while being vulnerable about my life to influence my security I felt with my ex-gfs.

She tried telling me who I should date even though the people she pointed out where NOT MY TYPE nor was I interested.

She offered multiple forms of unsolicited help that I didn’t need or want. She tried giving me medical advice when quite frankly, I know more medical stuff than her… and I already have the care I need. (While she doesn’t have the care she needs)

She then decided to convince me to leave my job to do what she thought would be right for me. And while I definitely had a play in this - I reminded her that it was ultimately my decision. She thinks she was masking and being clever when I decided to pursue my own goals - but I know she thought I was fucking up. It was so offensive.

She kept misgendering me feigning ignorance about queerness - ultimately she told me she never believed that I was trans:

She kept misgendering my ex-spouse - which is okay a couple times when ppl are getting to know pronouns and stuff. However, she didn’t care and kept doing it. My ex might have been an asshole but they deserve to have their identity respected - everyone does. My ex is a trans/non-binary asshole, not a cis asshole :)

She told me that my current partnership (which is one of the healthier friendships and partnerships I’ve had in a long while where we dated for a couple months before being partners - where my partner and I try really hard to be honest and loving to each other without falling into codependency) was going to be a “tower relationship” only after they apparently didn’t want to babysit her child for A WEEK like she wanted them too.

She fucking made up lies about my ex-gf by telling me violent things that she was going to do triggering my trauma responses when I was sad about her being ill - it was so random. I was upset about my ex-gf’s ex (who was abusive) and just emotional bc it was around my divorce - and she just went off on me. It messed me up. It made me question my ex-gf when I was already trying to process a bunch of complicated feelings about her ex.

She kept pressuring me into violent killing fantasies about people in my past - and not for fun or absurdity - but for real. I told her no.

She told me that she thought the only way she thought I would hang out with her (which I did - I made A FUCKTON OF TIME FOR HER) was if she were fucking me. This is ridiculous because I don’t just hang out with people who are fucking me. Additionally, I have never expressed sexual interest nor do I want to fuck her. Literally haven’t done anything with her except hug her platonically.

She called one of my oldest friends since I was fourteen who is literally one of the original queer platonic partners/friends I’ve had… a bitch.

She tried to discredit all my legitimate friendships just so she could have me and my time all to herself. And I wrote it off initially because I thought it was flattery.

She stole my hair. And thought I wouldn’t notice - honestly I don’t fucking care because any spell or anything she does to me won’t stick because it’s not rooted in any form of reality. Hah.

She’s generally transphobic. Not only does she not believe I’m trans, she declared in front of my two trans friends that trans women couldn’t really be women since they can’t give birth. Then I told her that I literally know trans women who would give up everything to be able to do that. And then she told me that they wouldn’t be able to handle the pain. Honestly what a pointless argument.

She constantly would try to rope me into commitments and projects with her that I couldn’t do or had no time to do. Then would argue with me when I put up boundaries.

She would pressure me into calling her when I was sick and didn’t want to talk.

She owes me at least 200 dollars that I expected back (not counting money that I gave her freely - so I don’t expect that back).

Our friendship according to her fell apart when I didn’t plan her entire birthday day and spend it with her. I had blocked off from 9am - 6pm with an optional 8pm - midnight time slot SPECIFICALLY for her birthday. I had asked her a couple of times what she wanted to do, and she didn’t tell me until a few days prior what she wanted (she wanted to shoot guns - which if she listened to my boundaries, she’d know it’s something that I’m triggered by and while I’m open to it, I could not just do it with that short of a notice). I had already planned to take her out for a meal and maybe do a rage room or shopping or something else fun. And I was going to take her to see a movie later that night with another friend because… she wanted more friends :/

I don’t even spend an entire birthday day like that with friends or partners in our age group because… I literally am not used to that expectation, and I don’t have the time/money/energy to do that. Plus I was just getting to know her. Like even for my brother, I’d plan a dinner and movie/outing. For one of my exes birthdays (his 30th), I planned a surprise party at a restaurant - and that was big for me.

She said that since I didn’t block out the whole entire day that I don’t know how friendship worked… :/ that I didn’t care about her.

And I honestly wish that was all of it.

But more than anything, I honestly wish I would have left sooner than I did. I’m glad I did. I’m glad the friendship ended because I kept standing up for myself.

[troglobite]

slkdfj

timeline of shit is basically this

dnd game explodes bc of one person

it eventually gets figured out

but now it is entirely my responsibility to fully communicate w that person, plan the game, field all emotions abt it, and get everything back on track, including scheduling

i get a major flareup, multiple health things to take care of, my mental health plummets

i am in the discord w my friends

i am talking abt how badly i am doing

i offer a very thorough explanation that i haven't abandoned the game, but that i have work and health stuff and i'm in recovery mode so i can't properly work on it, but i'll get to it, i promise

1/5 ppl reply.

everyone eventually stops replying to shit i post in there, even the the stuff that's abt helping to make sure they don't get their identities stolen

i stop posting in there for 2+ weeks

finally 1/5 of them says "hiiii i love and miss you guys"

i say "same here" and a third person replies

a couple days pass

same first person posts a tag yourself meme

contrary to every time that i have posted a similar meme and gotten None or One response

everybody replies within a day 🙃

i finally cave and send a msg in the middle of the night asking that my explanation abt the dnd game & how my life is going receive some fucking responses bc it's been 3 weeks and only one person has said "pls take care of yourself, we'll get back to the game whenever"

they all slowly reply

one says "we can also set up other hangout stuff like jackbox or other video games and stuff"

they start another convo in another channel, too.

i respond and say thanks & i've been doing Extremely Bad. and then also "yes pls, hangout sessions and jackbox, pls"

she responds to first part of message "just ask, even if it's scary" [not the problem, none of you fuckers TALK to me, i'm not ANXIOUS i'm DEPRESSED AND ALONE] and then ignores the second part

where i am desperately asking to hang out with you all

and didn't want to suggest it BECAUSE I AM SICK OF ALWAYS BEING THE ONLY ONE TO SUGGEST HANGING OUT

and MYSTERIOUSLY we just haven't talked or hung out or done ANYTHING since i said i couldn't do the dnd game for a while!!!

and despite doing INCREDIBLY FUCKING BAD nobody cared! nobody checked in! i had to withhold from posting in the discord bc at some point, getting NO RESPONSE is like a msg from the universe like "hey, just die. nobody cares. stfu. just die."

i have pushed past anxiety for years at this point to keep reaching out

at some point being the nuisance who keeps asking makes me wish i was dead.

having to ask so directly REPEATEDLY instead of just establishing new norms which is what I ASK FOR EVERY TIME I ASK

i just. get no response. no one cares. and i can't check in with anyone bc i've tried and gotten no response. and i don't want to bother ppl individually, THAT'S THE WHOLE REASON TO HAVE A DISCORD W EACH OTHER. fuck's sake.

it has now been hours and NOBODY has responded to me wanting to hang out.

i guarantee nobody will check that channel at all for days, minimum. nothing will happen. nobody will offer to set anything up or schedule anything. just lip service. doesn't matter.

i'm tired

[pepsicolabunches]

Getting a bit really stressed about my roommates not working. One is making ei so there's at least some money coming in for rent, but the other quit her job a couple months ago (right after we moved to the new, big house) and has had to ask for everyone else to cover her portion of the rent...

I can't really help much because I don't really even make enough for food, let alone an entire other persons rent

To be clear, I'm not asking tumblr to help with my financial struggles. If you want to help people, there are countless people in crisis that you can donate to. There are people in your own community who could use that help.

I just need somewhere to vent about the fear I'm feeling about my situation. If we get evicted because we couldn't pay rent, I'm absolutely certain I won't be able to find another place, and could end up homeless which, as a disabled person barely holding on, sometimes in constant pain, I can tell you that I will not make it on the streets.

Luckily I do have people in my life that I can temporarily move in with, but not with my stuff. And I do have a lot of stuff. Mostly books and clothes. Almost all the books I've lugged with me across Canada, through my many many moves.

I'm very grateful for consistently having a place to live, enough to slowly acquire many things. Not things that are worth anything, I can't sell them or anything. And I don't want to. Maybe it's a bit selfish but I've worked my ass off dealing with working while being in severe pain. Working while recovering from surgeries. Also, as a person living in poverty, having things means I don't need to buy those things. Which is good because I do not have the funds to just buy things when I need them.

Most of my things I've had for most of my life.

Idk

Idk where my brain was going with this I just... Idk I'm making this about me I suppose. And also about so many other people struggling through poverty. It's like, really really expensive to not have the money for things. I buy cheap items because I can't afford expensive things. I buy things when they are on sale even if I can't afford them because I know it will last longer than buying it cheap.

I've messed up my guts cuz I haven't eaten properly in more than a decade. Not having enough energy to make food means I have to buy things that are really easy to make. Sometimes I have to bite the bullet and spend so much fucking money on getting food delivered because I'm in so much pain I can barely walk to the bathroom, let alone the grocery store and then also making food. Last month I cried making a sandwich because it was too painful.

I guess this is about fear. I'm already aware that there aren't really any systems in place to help people who need it. The systems in place are overworked because they aren't funded properly. They don't really have any solutions for ppl struggling to make rent/buy food. Definitely no solutions for people who are poor and also have health issues. For some reason they expect disabled people to be able to access the same solutions which, often is not possible.

Doctors keep suggesting my roommates act as some kind of a care aide, getting my food, making my food, helping with cleaning, driving me places. But also don't think I have severe enough pain to actually suggest getting a care aide. They just assume my friends/partner are fully willing and able to support me out of the goodness of their hearts. As if the people around me are not also struggling. As if I could just put the responsibility of taking care of a person onto someone who very much did not offer their help. And they shouldn't. I'm absolutely not putting myself in the situation where I am at the mercy of other people's unpaid labour. These are my friends, not my personal workers.

I was trying to get a service dog, but they cost a whopping $40,000. I cannot afford $300/month for food, so there's not a chance in hell I could ever get one. The nonprofit organization that might have covered the cost of it is already full (waitlist also full) so if that ever happens it will be years from now.

Every solution requires a lot of effort (that, again, I do not have the energy for). Every problem requires solutions that do not exist.

I'm doing the absolute best I can and I'm just, acutely aware that it is not enough.

Feeling the weight of stress piling up on me... When I ask for relief, all I get is more steps to climb.

Feeling trapped in this body which is absolutely constantly reminding me of how I am unable to do the things I need to do. If it's not one thing, it's another. I had 7 months of every day pain so bad I had to go to the er many times. Do I know why? No. I'm just grateful I have had a couple weeks of not that specific type of pain. Not that I'm pain free of course. Going to the grocery store a couple blocks away, filling up a rolling cart ($130 of food that won't even last me a week), not making it home without crying because I can feel bones scraping together in my hips (no, not arthritis, just cuz it wants to :))

Genuinely, not sure what I'm supposed to do. Everything I do feels like too much and also not enough. Feels like I'll never climb out of the hole I've wiggled my way into.

So terrified that I will have to deal with all of this while also not having stable housing

Im not expecting anyone to read all of this, I'm just, needing to put this somewhere. Getting the stress out of my brain (hopefully)

[baltears]

self indulgent titans dickrae meta i wrote to distract myself from the two (2) biopsies i had to have today

so i understand that on a certain level this is supposed to be a 'parent&child coded' relationship but frankly ive said it before and ill say it again their idea of emotional boundaries is absolutely fucking insane and it kind of blows my mind a little that ppl think they act like an even semi functional 'parent&child' vs either a mostly functional if codependent nontrad found family relationship or a VERY dysfunctional parenting relationship. like for one thing shes at a level of intimacy and emotional openness w him that would be more appropriate for a therapist because shes an empath and a mindreader (also extremely strongly implied to have a psychic bond specifically with him but more on that in a second) and therefore has access to all his emotions including his experience of his unhealed trauma. speaking of which she literally therapized him out of trigons control by reenacting his trauma w him after previously having witnessed it via his memories. so like i think its fair to say that IF this were a nuclear family relationship she would be totally emotionally parentified (bordering on something more like emotional incest at a couple points but i think hes more aware of her emotional needs and more capable of treating her like a kid than that term would imply, he just doesnt seem to quite know when exactly it's appropriate). he also offers her a lot of support, but especially early on shes also doing a lot of either supporting him/verbalizing and explaining his own feelings back to him or bearing the brunt of his trauma trigger response to seeing her in the same circumstance he was in as a kid (still cannot BELIEVE the church scene happened, i love it so much, his ass literally kept lying to her and saying he wasn't going to leave and then when she kept dogging him for lying finally snapped and was like "you know what you're right, everyone does leave and nobody can help you and it will never get better and it sucks but thats life" literally toxic excellence i wish theyd stayed at that level of dysfunction for WAY longer). but bc they have their little soul bond thing going on (evidence piles up to the height of mt everest, its literally all over their relationship in subtext and is indirectly referenced constantly even if its never really explained outright) she ALSO gets this weird little privileged status where she's just way closer with him than any of the other kids her age, is his obvious favorite and is trusted the most, and only sometimes gets classed as "one of the kids" rather than "one of the adults" (worth noting also that rachel seems to notice this and repeatedly and aggressively rejects the child role from s1 all the way to s4 despite accepting dick as family by mid s1 and only seems to want 'parental' comfort&support when she feels totally out of control). while we're here shall i note that one of the antagonistic forces of s1 is literally called the nuclear family and is an obvious comment on the found family ethos of the series. okay rant over

[invisibleanonymousmonsters]

AAAH I just saw you're taking requests for FoM Universe!

can you please write about the process & aftermath of Bruce claiming Y/N as his daughter publicly?

like what happens... how do the people of Gotham react... how it affects her relationship with Jason and the batfam... do ppl in the superhero world say something to Bruce... stuff like that

(only if you want to ofc!)

love your fics (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Father of Mine – Part 1 and Part 2

Y/N felt happy.

Jason had managed to wake up Y/N early and drag her to their favorite coffee shop in the neighborhood.

He had been so busy with Red Hood business that they hadn’t spent nearly enough time together – at least not to his liking.

Date nights were the norm for most couples. But there was something about early mornings and breakfast dates that seemed so much more romantic to Jason. No one was really out, most were still sleeping. And the rising sun just couldn’t be beat. Maybe Y/N’s photography skills and obsession with good lighting had started to condition him.

Y/N reached across their little booth and traced the shadows under Jason eyes with her thumb – and with a sad expression as she did it.

“You need to get some sleep, handsome,” she told him softly.

And Jason knew his girlfriend was right.

He had been working on a case day and night. Which was also the reason he could hardly spend time with Y/N.

Sleep used to not matter to him. It didn’t matter that he walked around like a zombie – or if he basically became nocturnal. He got the job done and that was all that mattered.

But once Jason met Y/N, once he found a real reason to live…

Well, things changed.

Jason took care of himself better – or at least tried to. Drinking less and eating better were the easier ones. Somehow getting the required hours of sleep was the most challenging.

“I’m fine,” Jason shot down her concern.

“Such a bad liar,” she teased.

The last thing Y/N wanted to do was turn this into an argument.

“I have an idea,” she told him with as much excitement as she could muster with it still only being 8 o’clock in the morning.

“Hmm?” Jason hummed.

It didn’t matter what her idea was… Jason already knew he would do anything she asked. And he suspected Y/N knew that, too.

“How about we finish breakfast and then take a long nap together?”

Jason couldn’t hold back the smile at how she was subtly trying to take care of him.

God, he fucking loved her.

“Thought you had to work?” He tried to remind her and offer an out.

“It can wait. I miss sleeping next to you. Sometimes it feels like we’re in a long-distance relationship in two completely different timezones,” Y/N admitted with her head hung a bit.

“I think a nap sounds like a great idea,” Jason agreed. “Come on. Let’s get outta here.”

A few minutes later, they turned the corner to their apartment to see at least a dozen photographers and two film crews outside the building.

“What the fuck,” Jason growled.

“Damn it. I thought they’d be gone by now,” Y/N groaned in response.

He stopped walking to face her. “What do you mean?”

“They’ve been parked outside the apartment every day for the past three weeks,” Y/N confessed, almost sounding guilty.

Three weeks.

Because it had been three weeks since Bruce Wayne sent out a press release that stated Y/F/N Y/L/N was his daughter.

Gotham had a field day.

But Jason and Y/N had been in Hawaii for the first two weeks, trying to minimize the press once Bruce clarified that Y/N was not his girlfriend, but actually his illegitimate child.

Now their avoidance was just catching up to them.

Little did Jason know that reporters and paparazzi had been camped out of the home he slept in every morning. His sleep schedule and vigilante hours made his life so chaotic and weird that he hadn’t even noticed them sitting outside.

'Some boyfriend you are,' Jason thought to himself.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked her.

Y/N tried to hide her amusement. “What good would that do? Red Hood gonna come and shoot up the place?”

Jason glared at her.

“I’m serious, Jason. What good would telling you have done?” She repeated. “It just would’ve stressed you out. And then you'd feel guilty for not knowing before I told you.”

They both knew she was right.

Jason sighed. “I could’ve had Roy stationed outside or at least someone from his security company.”

“It wouldn’t do anything. They’d still be waiting outside.” Y/N sighed. “They’re not doing anything illegal, Jason. There’s nothing to be done. It’s just annoying.”

Once again, Jason knew she was right.

He gently grabbed her hand. “Come on.”

And just like that, Jason was her body guard and not her boyfriend. There was a terrifying scowl taking residence on his face and he made sure to be a half a step ahead of Y/N, ready to put his body between her and any possible threat.

As soon as one of the reporters spotted them, it was utter chaos:

“Y/N! Y/N! What does it feel like to have Bruce Wayne as a dad?”

“Do you feel any resentment for having an absent father?”

“Isn’t it incest to date the man who was once a ward of Bruce Wayne?”

“Do you think your career would be less successful without nepotism?”

Every one was yelling at the same time. But somehow Y/N still caught all the offensive questions being thrown at them.

Jason’s grip tightened protectively on Y/N’s hand. He wished he could shoot all of them with rubber bullets as he strong armed them out of the way.

Then suddenly one of the paparazzi’s flashes went off, just inches from Y/N’s face. It was a bright and sunny morning, and flash photography was completely unnecessary.

The assault of it all scared Y/N and basically blinded her. She hissed as she blinked the pain away and stumbled back a little.

Now Jason was pissed.

With his free hand, he put his 6’3 body between Y/N and the paparazzi.

Jason grabbed the man’s collar, lifting him off the ground like a rag doll.

“You get in her face like that again and I’ll shove your overpriced camera up your fucking ass,” Jason bellowed.

Y/N wouldn’t be surprised if the paparazzi pissed himself from the threat.

“Are we clear?” Jason asked in a growl.

The paparazzi shook his head up and down, fear evident in his eyes.

Jason dropped him, not giving a shit when the man fell to the ground, too scared to gain his footing or catch his balance in time.

But now everyone cleared a very obvious path for the couple.

It was probably the wrong plan of attack, especially when dealing with the media. But provoking fear and using intimidation were the tactics Jason was fluent in.

aAnd when Y/N was the person being threatened, he had a habit of not thinking clearly.

Thankfully they got into their apartment with no further issues.

“Y/N, it’s been like that for a week and you didn’t say anything?” Now Jason was fully upset.

She only shrugged, “It’s nothing I can’t handle.”

“But you shouldn’t have to!”

Y/N narrowed her eyes at him. “It’s not exactly like I had any fucking choice in the matter, Jason! The press was trying to say that I was my father's flavor of the week. We had to do something and this is the consequence.”

That shut Jason up.

“You’ve barley even slept since you got that case. I didn’t want to bother you.”

Jason growled. Like, legitimately let out an animalistic growl. “Y/N, fuck the case. You need to talk to me.”

She rolled her eyes. “Jesus Christ, Jason. Bruce is moments away from putting a full security detail on me 24/7. Even more ridiculous, Clark would come flying the moment I screamed his name if I needed saving.”

Oops.

That was not the right thing to say.

The last thing a girlfriend should do is claim another man would be who she called first for saving – before her actual boyfriend.

And Y/N immediately caught herself.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” she quickly told him.

Jason just slowly nodded his head.

But Y/N knew the damage was already done.

Before she could apologize or Jason could lose his temper, his phone received a message.

Jason looked at it and sighed.

“It’s a lead, isn’t it?” Y/N asked quietly.

He just nodded.

“I gotta go,” he told her without looking her in the eye.

“J, wait. Can we talk about this?”

But Jason had already grabbed the keys to his motorcycle, walked out the door, and slammed it shut behind him.

The sound made Y/N flinch.

“Fuck.”

——————

Getting recon during the day always made things a bit complicated. It wasn’t as easy to blend in with the streets of Gotham as Red Hood when the sun was high in the sky.

It also probably didn’t help that he was thinking about his conversation with Y/N since he’d slammed the door of their apartment.

Jason knew Y/N didn’t mean what he assumed she did.

But Jason already lost sleep from worrying about keeping Y/N out of Red Hood business and protecting her. It was his worst nightmare and biggest stress.

And even Y/N hinting that she would call for Superman or her father before her own boyfriend hurt Jason – even though he didn’t want to admit it.

The sun was just starting to go down by the time Jason was done with Red Hood business.

He made a point of stopping by the bodega to pick up some flowers. It was a lame apology, but he knew it was at least a good start.

To his surprise, there were no longer any paparazzi or camera crews sitting outside their apartment building.

“Y/N?” Jason called out.

Silence.

Quickly, he checked the rest of the home. There were no signs of it being broken into or anything like that, so he tried not to panic.

Once he made it to the kitchen, he noticed there was a note on the island.

Went to the manor. ❤️ Y/N

Jason sighed.

That wasn’t a good sign.

He quickly tried to call her, but she didn’t pick up.

Next he woefully called Bruce.

“Wondered when you’d call,” he answered on the second ring.

“So she’s there?” Jason asked.

“Yes. Arrived a couple hours ago.”

“And has she been telling you how out of control the paparazzi have been?”

There was a beat of silence. “No, she hasn’t.”

Jason could tell that it angered Bruce just as much as him. But Bruce wouldn’t make the mistake of misdirecting the emotion and taking it out on Y/N, like Jason had.

“I’m on my way,” Jason told him.

“She brought a bag. Mentioned something about staying at the manor for a bit. Figured you’d want to know.”

Jason knew what Bruce was trying to tell him. “Alfred put her in my old room?”

“Per usual.”

————

“Hey, Alfred,” Jason greeted when the butler opened the front door.

“Master Jason,” he replied with a soft smile. “I’ve been expecting you since Ms. Y/L/N arrived.”

“Happen to know where she is?”

“I believe she is at the pool. I shall take your bags up to your room so you can go and speak with her right away, Master Jason.”

“Thanks, Alfred.”

Lo and behold, Y/N was at the pool, swimming laps.

Titus was sitting on the edge, watching her as if he was her personal lifeguard.

Jason pat the dog on the head and she squat at the edge with his forearms balanced on his knees.

It a took a moment or two for Y/N to notice him.

“Hey,” Jason was the first to speak.

“Hi.”

“What are you doing here?”

She looked around as if it were obvious, “Swimming.”

Jason narrowed his eyes with a smirk. “I meant what are you doing at the manor.”

Y/N sighed and swam to the edge he was leaning over. “I need a break.”

Jason tilted his head. “From me?”

“No. Them. The vultures outside the apartment.”

He just nodded.

“Jason…I didn’t mean it.”

“I know you didn’t. Clark is your friend – a friend you’ve had years before I ever met you.” Then he let out a laugh and shook his head. “But I’m still a man. And it’s a little rough feeling like you’re competing with Superman – especially when it comes to protecting you.”

“I don’t want you to protect me, Jason. I just want you to be my boyfriend.”

“My plan was always to do both.”

“Fine. But can you at least prioritize the boyfriend one first?”

Jason smirked. “I’ll try my best.”

“Can I see your phone?” Y/N asked.

Without even thinking, Jason handed it to her.

In a swift motion, Y/N placed it safely to the side, grabbed onto the neck of Jason’s t-shirt, and tugged hard.

Maybe if Jason wasn’t trying to get back into her good graces, he would’ve fought harder. But he just let it happen, falling into the pool fully clothed.

When Jason breached the surface, he gave Y/N a frisky glare.

“Oops,” she whispered.

Jason quickly grabbed her by the bottom and pulled her to him, forcing her legs to wrap around his waist as he stood in the water.

“Don’t keep things from me, OK?” Jason begged, as he pressed his forehead to hers. “It doesn’t matter if you think I’m busy. There’s nothing more important to me than you.”

She just nodded lightly.

“The press will get bored soon enough. Things will get better.”

But she looked doubtful. “I’m not sure I agree.”

Jason could see that she really believed that.

The pool was quiet as he thought for a moment.

“You know, Y/N, we don’t have to stay here.”

She looked confused.

“In Gotham," Jason clarified. "We can go anywhere you want.”

“That’s not true. Gotham needs Red Hood. It probably always will.”

“Doesn’t matter. You pick a place. And I’m there.”

Y/N kissed him. “Gotham is our home, Jason. And I’m not running away from my problems.”

“But you did run away to Wayne Manor…” He teased.

Y/N rolled her eyes and tried to push him away.

But Jason’s grip was tight as he laughed at her reaction.

Before she could try to fight him more, Jason captured her lips in a passionate kiss.

“If you have sex in the pool, I’m pouring acid into my eyes.”

Jason broke the kiss to glare at Damian. “What is it with you, you little fucking voyeur? At this rate, you’re gonna grow up to be a peepin’ Tom.”

“Excuse me!” The boy shot back. “I was sent to fetch the two of you for dinner.”

“We’re coming, Dami. No need to blind yourself,” Y/N said in a laugh as she lifted herself out of the pool.

“He’s staring at your butt,” Damian pointed out before leaving.

Y/N threw her head back with laughter and glanced back to her boyfriend for confirmation.

Jason shrugged. “I regret nothing.”

––––––––

Let me know if you liked it. Also, let me know if you want to know about other things that happened when Y/N's true parentage was exposed.

Father of Mine + bonus content

[mondothebombo]

The Ninja’s Love Languages

For anyone who doesn’t know, the five love languages are...

Words of Affirmation

Physical Touch

Quality Time

Gifts

Acts of Service

I had this idea last night at 4 am and i’m gonna try and make sense of it so here we go...

Jay

Physical Touch

-this one’s super easy

-hands down this is 100% jay

-when isn’t this boy clinging onto someone (esp. nya and cole)

-i mean just look (there’s so many more but i got lazy, feel free to add on)

-his first response to comfort/fear is a hug, a hand on shoulder, etc.

-and when you think abt it it makes sense

-cuz first of all just look at his parents, ed and edna

-the most affectionate and loving ppl on this goddam planet

-they showered him w/ undying love and support his whole life, ofc this kid’s gonna turn out the same

-but then if you also tie in his abandonment issues and fear of being alone and it makes even more sense

-we find out abt those mainly in s12 when he talks abt his birth parents to unagami, but looking at what happened to him in s6 when he was alone for so long on the misfortunes keep and nya dying to top it off...

-he lost all his friends not once, but twice (and that’s not including all the separate times the ninja have died) plus he feels like his birth parents abandoned him, w/o him even rlly knowing for sure what happened

-so it makes sense he’d be more comfortable showing his love by clinging onto someone, giving a hug, high-fiveing, etc.

- i hope this made sense i’m so sorry

Nya

Acts of Service

-this also makes sense

-we all know nya is a very independent person, and she doesn’t usually like all the touchy feely stuff

-this is especially shown w her and jay’s relationship

-( i didn’t want to make this all abt jaya i’m sorry)

-we know they both are two very different ppl.

-nya’s strong and independent, while jay is a lot more sensitive

-you’ll notice in the earlier seasons nya almost never initiated the affection w jay, he always the first to mention it, also coupled w the fact that she’s never told jay “i love you” (at least not yet) and we can pin this on her childhood

-she and kai didn’t have it great as kids, they basically raised e/o and the only times nya ever heard “i love you” was from kai

-so if she wasn’t used to saying it growing up, why would she immediately jump to it now that she’s a teenager/young adult? even w someone she does love

-she expresses her love in what she does and says.

-the main example i can think of atm is this

-jay’s freaking out abt catching her for the dance move and with 100% confidence she just says “i trust you” and then fucking yeets herself at him

-there’s other examples of this w the others too

-she builds their mechs and vehicles, back in the earlier seasons she always made sure the boys were taken care of when they got back from missions, she was always the cavalry, she sacrificed herself for jay back in s6 when they were at the lighthouse, and kai mentions she’s always taken care of him

-not to mention how she adopted lloyd back when he first came in

-i could go on

-does this make sense?? i hope it does

Cole

Words of Affirmation

-i had a little more trouble thinking abt cole but now that i’ve decided i’m pretty sure WoA suits him best

-cole didn’t have the best childhood either

-we now know his mom, Lilly, died when he was fairly young, judging by the flashback, i’d estimate around 10-13 y/o

-we know it wasn’t too long before wu found him

-and she showered him in love much like jay was

-just in the flashback she tells him how proud she is of him and how much she loves him

-(also look how quick he was to try and justify why he got in a fight to avoid getting yelled at when his mom mentioned him getting in trouble bc he didn’t want to disappoint her)

-now we don’t know what Lou was like before his wife died, but we know he was definitely not as loving towards cole afterwards

-Lou ignored Cole due to his grief most of the time, coupled w him wanting Cole to follow in his footsteps, and their relationship overall sucks until after the royal blacksmiths ep

-so it all falls the same that Cole would want to keep seeking out the words he got from his mother in his relationships w others (especially authority figures)

-just look at all the times he absolutely lights up when getting praised by wu or even the others

-plus thx to day of the departed, we know he’s afraid of being forgotten

-hearing the others say they love him and want him around would appease that

-staying on this train, we have...

Lloyd

Words of Affirmation

-i was tied between this one and acts of service, but then i decided

-lloyd’s life, esp his childhood, has absolutely sucked

-he was abandoned at a very young age at darklys which we know the other boys there weren’t kind, and then when he finally gets a home and a family, the weight of the world is now on his shoulders bc he’s a prophesied savior

-morro’s possession says enough on its own

-the list goes on

-then we get s8-s10

-harumi goes and absolutely destroys his trust in everyone and everything

-(after she told him she loved him)

-but also...

- then boom. yeeted through a wall

-he’s been abandoned, rejected, and used his whole life

-why wouldn’t this kid need words of affirmation??

-the other ninja have been the one staple in his entire life, and after everything he’s gone through, he definitely needs to hear that they love him and want him around every now and then

-this kid’s also emotional (who can blame him)

-he always puts all his cards on the table, more so in s11 and onward

-and we’ve seen how he always gives encouraging words to the others, mainly while they’re fighting

Zane

Quality Time

-i had trouble w zane’s too lol

-but i think this fits

-this nindroid is the purest being ever

-don’t get me wrong, zane can definitely be a smart ass and sassy when he wants to, he’s not all innocent, but u catch my drift

-let’s look at his past too

-he was all alone and by himself, he didn’t even know who he was until he found his true potential

-and he gets a family, ppl who live and care abt him

-then he sacrifices himself and dies

-when he was imprisoned on chen’s island, he was alone

-then decoded happens and we find out he’s got intense trauma from that

-he thought he was alone in his internal battle

-then boom

-he’s the fucking ice emperor. alone for decades, committing genocide

-and when he finally snapped out of it, that had to of destroyed him

-he’s spent so much time being alone and facing so much trauma, that he always gravitates towards being in groups

-we’ve seen him and pixal spend time working together in the workshop, he enjoys family meals and cooking for everyone, he’s been shown to not like it when the others occasionally fight, and an overall loving guy

-he prbly doesn’t realize it, but he’s the glue that holds everyone together

-this one was so jumbled

and last but not least...

Kai

Gifts

-now not only does this fit his personality, it also makes sense with his bad childhood

-we all know kai is a very cocky and prideful person. he’s always showing off, flaunting his good looks, and can be sometimes arrogant

-ofc under all that is a very kind and loving big brother and friend

-but bc of this he’d not only love getting gifts from fans and the others, but giving them as well

-kai, like nya, didn’t have a good childhood

-he’s not an emotional person and he was never used to saying “i love you,” instead he had to take care of his sister while trying to run a business

-his way of showing love is giving things for his family

-there’re aren’t many instances of this in the show, but the gift giving doesn’t necessarily have to be smthg physical

-he’s sacrificed himself for the others on several accounts, he offers advice when needed, giving pep talks, helping raise lloyd, he even helped jay propose to nya, those things can be considered as gifts too

(again i’m sorry if any of this isn’t coherent i just had some thoughts. pls feel free to add on if i missed smthg)

The point of this is that these kids love each other and have different ways of showing it💙💜🧡💚🤍❤️

[methadonesaveslives]

During the height of the pandemic my clinic started giving out 26 take homes to the individuals who qualified for them. When I say qualify I mean clients who already had weekly takes homes or ones who were currently earning their take homes and had at least 3. You had to have no dirty urines for the last 6 months as wells. Others who didn’t fall under that umbrella had to go in ever day. Once they started giving out the 26 take homes they would randomly call you in monthly to check your bottles. Now this only happened to me once for some reason. I wasn’t called in every month like most other ppl. Unfortunately it happened when I was working in another county taking care of Covid positive residents. I’m a nursing assistant and we were asked to help out at another facility because more then half of their staff was out with Covid. My facility didn’t have any positive cases at this time and they were offering a lot of money to work at this other facility. I chose to do it not only for the pay but because I wanted to see what it was like working in a Covid positive environment before it got to my facility. I’m glad I did too because with a month of my return we had positive cases and I was one of the only Cnas who knew exactly what to do and how to handle it. I contacted the clinic and let them know a week prior so they knew I wasn’t going to be available to come in. I made sure my employer wrote a letter stating where I was going to be staying and working, I sent that into them as well. The med nurse called me the morning I was leaving I was literally packing my car for the week. I again explained to her what I was doing, where I was going and told her to contact my counselor for the paperwork. She flat out told me that wasn’t her problem, she didn’t care and when I said said it again she kept saying “Oh We’ll” 😡 . She then informed me that I was going to lose my take homes. I immediately card my counselor who said he would take care of it. My dumb ass believed him and thought I was good. I went in after my travel assignment was done and sure enough I had no take homes. I then contacted the director at the time and my counselor and demanded an emergency meeting I refused to leave the clinic that day until I spoke with each of them. The director was made aware of my situation prior to speaking with me and agreed with my counselor. He asked me who the nurse was and I told him which he replied he knew it was her because he’s had multiple complaints about her before. I got my take homes back, the nurse was suspended, then when she returned she was not allowed to dose me at her window. I don’t know what happened to her after that because I didn’t see her anymore and she’s no longer employed there. I don’t ask for much from this clinic. I haven’t tested positive since I started, I always make my counseling appointments and I show up when I’m supposed to. What I will say is always fight for what’s right. If you know you did nothing wrong don’t just allow them to punish you because you think there’s no other options. Believe me there are plenty of options. I’ve had to contact a methadone advocate outside of my clinic in the past for another mess up the clinic was responsible for. Each state has advocates for Methadone patients and they will fight for you. Don’t ever take no for an answer. My counselor recently became the lead counselor a couple months ago. He trains the new counselors coming in and he always asks me to come in and talk to them he uses my stories and what I’ve gone through as a patient there for the last 11 and half years as a teaching point for them. I enjoy helping them learn hopefully they will use my stories and experiences to help their patients.

[belit0]

Caught in the Act

sharinganslut

can you like have madara ruining your shit and tobirama and hashirama come in and catch you (female reader) thank you i’m just a slut😀 and fuck anon i want people to know i’m horny

We are all horny ppl when it comes to the Uchiha. I fucking support you a lot, I’m like that but with Indra

Rating: E

Pairing: [Uchiha Madara / Fem Reader]

Additional Characters: [Senju Hashirama] [Senju Tobirama]

Tw: Domination, Degrading, Roughness, Some Praising

“Tell me why do I have to be here when this is a favor requested of you?

"Because if I have to suffer Hashirama’s lack of intellect, you as my lover will too. Now find that man’s fucking coat so he can stop bothering me.”

It’s nothing new to witness the leader of the Senju lose and forget his Hokage dressing gown, but it’s something that always causes great annoyance to the leader of the Uchiha. Outraged at his old friend’s lack of responsibility, when Hashirama asks him to help find it for him, Madara only avoids exploding in the air because he knows it’s a good excuse to spend time with you and not working.

“I could be taking a nap at home… Or having some sweet jasmine tea while thinking about the beautiful face you make when you get angry… Maybe even eating something while I remember your muscles on me and- ”

“You’re walking on thin ice, [Y/N]. Shut up and look.”

With a tense posture, Madara passed by you, heading to check out the different rooms of his best friend’s house. Imitating his action, you took a different route from him, and searched the other end of the big building.

Sliding the door of Hashirama’s main room, you hit the target first. On the large two-person bed, stretched out, red and immaculate, lay that piece of cloth that gave reason to your lover’s grumpiness.

Entering the bedroom, you slid your hand over the material, feeling the softness in your fingertips. A mischievous urge attacked your mind, and a great idea to provoke Madara suddenly struck you.

Quickly, to prevent him from catching you in the act, you put on the Hokage garment, which was considerably large. Hashirama was monstrously tall, so the cloth touched the floor and dragged over it when you slid it over your shoulders.

Laughing weakly, you looked at yourself in the mirror on one of the walls, and found that the cloth was not at all flattering in your form. Even more tempted, you tried to keep your composure, and prepared for the stampede that would come upon you in a minute.

“Dear! I found it! But there’s something wrong with it, hurry up up and come have a look!”

After a second, you heard Madara’s footsteps approaching the room where you were, and the anticipation in your chest began to grow. Suddenly, you regretted your stupid joke a little. Walking down the corridor, you heard him talking, without even reaching the door.

“What do you mean by something wrong? If you did something to that damn piece of trash I swear that-”

Posing, you surprised him with a… great… idea. With both arms in the air and over your head, you put on the best smile of satisfaction that your features could have had at his reaction, and despite the growing anxiety in your stomach about his glance, you rejoiced for a second in the situation.

Yes, one second.

From the door frame, the Uchiha was paralyzed by the image you offered to him. His eyes had quickly changed from a deep black colour to a bright red, with an unnerving dancing pattern in them, characteristic of Mangekyōu.

His shoulders were stiff in their stance, his chest was forced up and down by clearly strained breathing, his biceps were increasingly inflated with every second that passed thanks to the two fists he held tightly on either side of his body.

His hair began to bristle, and the tension in the air became extremely heavy. Not brave enough to speak or look him in the eye, you put your hands together in front of your legs, bent your shoulders and your head. Reducing your size as much as possible, as if trying to make yourself invisible to Madara’s terrifying gaze, you waited for the inevitable.

With the voice that made your blood run cold and your hair stand on end, he spoke, intimidating from across the room.

“What… are you… doing… with… that…”

“I-I-”

A grunt erupted from his chest, deep and serious, animalistic, making you exult when it hit your ears. Without courage, you continued to stare at the ground.

“That… belongs… to him.”

You nodded, hoping that your good behavior would calm the beast in front of you.

“You… are… not… his…”

Another nod.

“So, tell me… WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT?”

“I-IM S-SORRY-Y”

“Look at me.”

Trembling and in your reduced form, you raised your head reluctantly, staring at those terrifying red orbs. Suddenly, all you wanted to do was take off that dressing gown once and for all, show Madara that it was a foolish mistake.

“Who is your owner?”

“Madara-Sama.”

You said it without hesitation, quickly after his question, which generated a slight smile of satisfaction on the Uchiha’s face. Crossing his arms over his chest and looking at you over his nose, he continued.

“Are you mine, or are you his [Y/N]?

"I am all yours Madara-Sama.”

“Kneel before me.”

“Look what a pathetic bitch you are, dressed in that shit, taking my orders without a problem… Tell me [Y/N] Why should I fuck you right now?”

Knowing your man’s habits, you answered.

“Because I’m a stupid little whore who needs your cock right here, right now. Please Madara-Sama, don’t deny it to me, I need you inside my tight pussy.

"Oh well, really? If my slut is so desperate for my dick, you leave me no choice but to give you what you ask for.”

“Please sir.”

“Come here.”

On all fours, knowing what turns him on, you crawled to his feet, where you sat back on your knees and looked at him from below.

“Use your filthy little mouth.”

Obeying his orders, you rose to the height of his hips. Biting the waist of his trousers, you captured the cloth between your teeth, and with experience you lowered it strongly to his ankles.

“What a talented little pup, an expert in doing everything without hands… Go on”

Smiling slightly at his compliment, you repeated the action, but in his underwear, revealing a semi-erect limb, which promised to harden with little effort.

“No hands, or I’ll have to take them off.”

Faced with Madara’s threat, you understood that it was better to stick to his rule than to challenge him, and you introduced his penis into your mouth, maneuvering your head at a strange angle.

Working at a steady pace, his member became rigid in a matter of a couple humid strokes and your task became easier. Moaning at the situation generated by a foolish prank, you devoured your man’s cock with hunger.

After a few minutes in the same rhythm, Madara needed a speed boost, and he grabbed your hair. Combing it into his grip while breathing heavily thanks to your supplies, he held it with one of his big hands, forming a ponytail. With the new security of the hairstyle, he was able to use your hair as a handle to press your head harder against his length. As your nose hit his pelvis and your throat begged for a break, you placed both hands on his thighs, trying to free yourself from his hold.

At that moment, he stopped all activity dead on, but did not allow you to free your mouth. Even with his limb inside your moist cavity, he moved away from you a little to stop the pressure at the bottom of your throat, and spoke.

“I said without hands [Y/N]… Did your hunger for my dick cloud your mind? No problem, I told you that I would take care of it if necessary.”

Without further ado, he took your wrists and held them above your head, fully stretching your arms. Releasing your hair, he gave you the freedom to move as you wished, but now your upper limbs were minutes away from losing circulation and falling asleep, which was a big pain in the ass.

Because that’s what Madara is really like, a big, big pain in the ass.

Taking up your task, you put your best effort to make him cum just with your mouth. Moaning over his member, your pussy was dripping from him to hear him talk, on the verge of his orgasm.

“Oh [Y/N] don’t you dare stop, keep it up, you beautiful obedient whore. Eat my whole cock like it’s all you need, I want to fill that naughty little slut’s mouth with all my cum”.

“Agh… -gasp- [Y/N] -gasp- I’m… I’m…”

A shot of hot liquid hit the bottom of your throat, while you felt his limb throbbing inside your cavity. Swallowing everything he had to offer, you dutifully waited for his release to end.

“What a good puppy… I think you’ve earned the benefit of being rewarded. Take it all off.”

With a broad smile coming from his compliments, you did what he asked, standing completely naked in front of him.

“Put Hashirama’s coat back on.”

Without wanting to contradict him and make him angry again, you took the garment from the floor and dressed it on your naked body, looking at him with curious and expectant eyes.

“In bed, lying on your stomach.”

Putting yourself in the right position, you waited.

“Show me that beautiful ass of mine, rise it up.”

Following his demand, and with your stomach still leaning on the bed, you positioned your legs over your knees, providing an easy entrance for Madara. What you did not expect, is that the Uchiha would continue with his jealousy whim.

Taking Hashirama’s gown in both hands, he tore a hole where your cunt was, accessing it through the fabric instead of removing it from your body.

“MADARA! WE ARE SUPPOSED TO TAKE THIS TO HASHIR- ”

Two fingers were inserted mercilessly inside you without warning, moving towards a specific point that made you moan suddenly.

“You will not say another man’s name when you are giving yourself to me you naughty whore.”

An overpowering spanking hit your skin covered by cloth, making your whole being vibrate.

“Tell me [Y/N], tell me whose pussy is this.”

“…M-Mad-dara’s!”

A third finger entered you, moving at an overwhelming frequency. A second spanking hit your buttock before he spoke again.

“You don’t sound very convinced… I’m going to ask you again. Who is the owner of this pathetic little cunt?”

“MADARA-SAMA!”

His tongue attacked your slit for a few long seconds, before inserting his fingers back into you accompanied by more spanking.

“PLEASE MADARA I BEG YOU.”

“What is it [Y/N]? What does my slut want?”

“I NEED YOUR COCK INSIDE ME, DON’T TEASE ME ANYMORE, PLEAHHHG… -gasp-”

He got into you firmly, using your fluids as sufficient lubrication to slide in. Hashirama’s coat soon found itself soaked in the body liquids flowing from the union between the two bodies, with the hole in the fabric being the main factor in allowing penetration.

Lost in the pleasure of both, drowning in moaning and heat, neither of you noticed when the front door opened and closed, when footsteps sounded down the hall, or when two pairs of curious and surprised eyes stopped to look at the scene unfolding before them.

“M-Madara?”

The Uchiha slammed on the brakes, being able to recognize that voice anywhere. Not coming out of you, he faced the gaze of Hashirama and Tobirama.

Understanding the situation, you refused to face those men, and hid your face in your arms and the leftover cloth, holding your eyes and hoping that the shame would soon be over.

“This… well…"

Without noticing it, his pelvis moved involuntarily towards you, hitting a spot with his member just inside you and making you moan in front of the two brothers.

Tobirama blushed completely, coughing uncomfortably and looking away, while Hashirama seemed not to care at all.

"Is that my dressing gown?

"Yes… we found it…”

“Oh well… oh well… I’ll send you the ticket later… Shall we go Tobi?”

“But brother! They are using your bed, they broke your clothes, they desecrate your room! You should say something to that damn Uchiha instead of…”

A growl of fury escaped from inside Madara, who was still inside you, when Hashirama interrupted before a fight broke out.

“Now, now, Tobi, you’ll understand when you stop being a virgin… come on, there’s a new tea shop I’m really dying to try!”

“HASHIRAMA!”

The front door soon opened and closed again, and at the same time, Madara took his overwhelming step over you, thanking his beautiful friendship with Hashi from the heart.

[naruto-littlespace]

team 8 littlespace hcs

tw for child abuse in the hinata section, mainly the first n third bullets

universe is the same as the akatsuki ones w/ transformation jutsu and memory loss

Hinata

-When she's young (original Naruto, not Shippuden) she has almost no control over when she regresses so she does it during school, during training, alone at night in her room etc. If her dad catches her doing it he'll shut down her chakra channels that are responsible for holding the transformation jutsu because "she needs to stop acting like a little kid" and sometimes she's still in the headspace she just isn't visibly little. It's a terrible experience.

-Her little age ranges from 1-4 (think, just starting to walk to starting to read kids books out loud.)

-When she regressed in class Iruka would send her to the nurse. Sometimes when he could get someone to watch the class for a few minutes he goes to visit her. He's deeply disturbed that she uncontrollably regresses because like, she has not seen combat yet. What's causing this? He is one of the only people to investigate the Hyuga clan before Neji's chunin exam speech. He immediately went to the Hokage and told him she needs to be on Kurenai's team, because she will be a good and stable parent figure which Hinata DESPERATELY NEEDS

-When she's placed on team 8 Keeb n Shino already know about her regressing based on the number of times she was excused from class. Unlike some of their other classmates tho, they do not make fun of her for it, Shino because there are members of his clan including himself who regress, and Kiba because when he asked his mom why Hinata kept turning into a preschooler she told him it was a trauma response and how he should treat her in that headspace: that is, like a little sister. He gives her a hug the first day of training (an awkward side hug, because he's still trying to be cool) but it comes with a murmur about how he's going to keep her safe.

-Thankfully, she doesn't regress during sparring ever. She seems a little bit in her element moving with and against her teammate's attacks, which Kurenai hopes will mean that she'll be fine in actual battle.

-Sometimes she'll regress shortly after sparring, esp if she was sparring with her dad recently because she's just Panicked. Kiba'll pick her up and coo to her, sometimes put her on his shoulders and run around or let her pet Akamaru (the last of which will instantly calm her down.)

-Shino will regress with her to be her playmate. He'll take her to a playground or a garden and point out interesting bugs. They do this mostly in their down time rather than during training or anything.

-If Hinata regresses toward the end of a training day Kurenai will take her to her house to hang out and destress before sending her back to the compound. Hinata loves it there! Kurenai is a good mom figure and she has activities for a little kid to do (early reader books, toys, even a wooden kitchen set and rocking horse—they were all in the attic because Kurenai's dad never got rid of anything and Kurenai inherited that trait)

Kiba

-Is a big more than he is a little. He would be a kickass older brother and I feel robbed that he interacts with kids so little in the show.

-He is a little bit rough sometimes, he will see three year old Hinata or Shino and be like 'y'all wanna wrestle in the mud??' just because that's how he spent a lot of his childhood

-HOWEVER he is still very ok with doing whatever the kid wants to do. Hinata wants to use the family sake set as a tea set? Shino wants to sit and watch ants carry food into their hill? Little Naruto wants to go paint Hokage Rock? He's there.

-He and Kurenai bond over being bigs. Both of them feel immensely protective over the little members of their group.

-As he gets older he experiments with actually regressing himself, but for the most part he has other ways to let off steam (like training or running with Akamaru.) He has achieved littlespace once or twice while Shino has been around to be his Big. He likes feeling like a kid, without the responsibilities his adult self has, but at the end of the day he feels better caregiving.

Shino

-When he's young he goes little fairly often. It's simultaneously how he deals with being so different from his classmates and makes him more different, in that he's one of the only regressors and he is even more quiet and more covered in bugs than he usually is (his littler body forces more bugs out of himself and onto his skin and clothes than usual.) It's not as uncontrollable for him as it is for Hinata, like he'll be able to wait until after school to go little.

-In his clan this is treated as ok, more acceptable than in the Hyuga clan at least, but they try to ease the teenagers out of it as they get older by teaching them different coping mechanisms. They're like metamorphosing backwards is unnatural and a little concerning but if that's what you gotta do to be a functioning member of our hive clan you do you babe!

-His favorite activities are hanging out with people (his family or anyone who will spend time with him, cue Iruka again) and/or bug related activities. He will go to the river and count how many dragonflies vs damselflies he sees. He will bring crackers and leaves to anthills to crumble up and offer to the ants. He will find chrysalises and put his kikaichu there to protect them until the butterfly/moth inside emerges. Through all this wandering, he's really difficult to keep track of if you let him out of your sight for one moment because he is fast and completely silent.

Kurenai

-Like 99% big 1% little

-She loves taking care of any and all littles, including the ones in her team, the ones from other teams, the ppl from her generation, the list goes on. More than once Kakashi has come to her little just to vibe with her.

-Already mentioned it but her shelves are stocked with little kid stuff. People a little more ignorant of the little phenomenon just think she babysits a lot (which, in between missions, she will do)

-She had only regressed once before she n Asuma got together, and that was a couple of days after her dad died in the nine tails attack. Tsume found her and took her to her house to help take care of Kiba for the day, which helped her feel better.

-After she n Asuma started dating, he talked her into the idea of trying to regress. He poured some juice into one of the sippie cups she kept around for Hinata and got her a soft blanket, they cuddled up on the couch and he read her some kids books. it was relaxing but she wasn't sure she actually slipped into littlespace. When she asked why he wanted to do it he said he wanted to know what abt caring for people appealed to her.

[pomegranates-and-blood]

Headcannon: Shieldmaiden friend with his brothers

My Masterlist

Pairing: Ivar/Reader

Summary: “I was hoping I could request a headcanon of Ivar being nervous around a new shieldmaiden that is friends with his brothers? He finds her attractive, but that makes him nervous bc of his legs and what ppl have said all his life.”

Word Count: 1.9k

Warnings: My horrible attempts at whatever the fuck this ended up being, nothing else I can think of.

A/N: So yeah, I made a thing. Am I happy with the thing? Nope. Am I proud of the thing? Nopity nope. Am I gonna post it anyways and hope you guys don’t hate it? Yep.

But yeah, first time writing headcanons, first time diving head first into season 4 Ivar. I sincerely hope you like it, and idk, would love to hear your thoughts, good or bad, on this one. Thank you!

Taglist: @1950schick​​

·         You were one of the shieldmaidens to accompany Björn to the Mediterranean, and you grew close to both him and Hvitserk on the journey.

·         You joined the Great Heathen Army alongside your brother, and everyone was surprised to see Björn sprint towards you as soon as he saw your ship, lifting you off the ground in a tight embrace.

·         Although Sigurd isn’t too thrilled or interested in you, both Ubbe and Ivar are immediately drawn to you.

·         The former, because there’s rumors about how you once bested Björn when sparring with those curved swords.

·         The latter, for completely different reasons. Though, you being a great warrior does help.

·         With you being close to his brothers Ivar finds himself knowing more and more about you with every passing day, and in the midst of the war to avenge his father, with his heart heavy with pain and loss, he finds you, with your easy smiles and your friendly nature, a welcome distraction.

·         That’s what he calls it, at first. When he spends each chance he has watching you from afar, witnessing your interactions with the group of shieldmaidens you call sisters in arms; when he finds himself thinking of you late at night and early in the morning; when he realizes he misses you when you’re gone, even though he tells himself he has nothing to miss.

·         The realization that he actually feels something for you dawns on him when he sees some Dane warrior dancing with you on a feast after Aelle is conquered, and the urge to stake his claim, to go there and interrupt whatever it is that is happening before his eyes, fills him, makes an impulsive hand reach for the axe at his side.

·         Ivar is…well, Ivar, so there’s no way he’d willingly let you -or anyone else, for that matter- know that he’s interested in you.

·         Which he is. Very much so. Because, much to his growing frustration -in more ways than one- he can’t get you out of his head.

·         Still, that doesn’t mean he’d willingly disclose it. He isn’t subtle, though.

·         But people notice. His brothers notice.

·         Björn isn’t thrilled with it, but considering Aslaug isn’t alive to bend to Ivar’s will and have some poor girl forced into marriage with the youngest son of Ragnar, he isn’t too concerned. If something happens, it is because you choose it so, and that’s enough for him.

·         Ubbe bristles up. He knows bits and pieces of what happened with Margrethe, but he has been witness too many times of how Sigurd uses what happened with her against Ivar- something he swears one day will end in tragedy, thankfully nothing too difficult to contain or heal so far-; and he still feels responsible about setting up the whole thing. The last thing he wants is for it to happen again, with someone that is quickly becoming a close friend of him and his brothers.

·         And of course, Sigurd notices, and is cruelly delighted in it. He does try a couple of times teasing Ivar about it when you’re near, but you never stood for those kinds of games, so he was eventually discouraged from continuing.

·         Doesn’t stop him from privately tormenting Ivar about it. It is his duty as older brother after all, and since Ubbe is too busy mothering Ivar, and Hvitserk too busy trying to fuck his way through England, it falls unto him. He may go too far once or twice, but their relationship has always been that way.

·         Sigurd’s teasing only manages to put Ivar more and more on edge about these stupid -pathetic, useless, soft- feelings, and the few times you try getting close to him, he usually snaps at you or reacts badly.

·         Because you are very interested, even if you are much better at hiding it. Ivar proves to be incredibly smart, and with the march of the Great Heathen Army being the first time you’ve travelled this far from home, fought in so many important battles, you find yourself fascinated by him and the way he seems to understand what goes beyond fighting, what becomes war.

·         But, when you are try getting close to him with subtle flirting or soft touches, Ivar thinks you are pitying him or mocking him, and when you are more direct and try finding common ground to get to know each other, he thinks you’re pushing him away.

·         It confuses you, and frankly, it confuses him too.

·         It confuses everyone that has become an unwilling spectator to all of this.

·         Ivar does try his best at being nice to you, it just manages to backfire most of the time.

·         You could be sharing a meal with him and his brothers, and he’d try complimenting you, saying something about how you have proven to be a fine shieldmaiden. But feeling too many eyes on him, feeling like he left himself open for ridicule or rejection, he’d add something else, like how you are obviously aided by the fact you use weapons not familiar to Vikings.

·         He’d fuck most things up, is what I mean.

·         And he’d know -and you’d make it very much clear- that he has upset you, or made you angry.

·         He would try apologizing, but it is Ivar, so “I’m sorry” won’t leave his lips unless someone pries it off him, so, he’d try…alternative approaches.

·         First, gifts. Women like those, right? He’d try buying the prettiest, most expensive thing he can find, and leaving it for you to find. Or, if he is in a particularly good day -if he managed to get one up on Sigurd, maybe, that’d be a good day- he’d give it to you in person.

·         Throwing expensive things at you wouldn’t exactly work, making you feel inadequate and cheap. He notices, so he’d try something else.

·         He wants you closer, so he makes it so that you always sit with him and his brothers at the table where the leaders of the army dine.

·         Before long many men -including Harald, to whom Ivar notices you giving easier smiles than the rest, much to his horror- manage to sleaze their way to the chair at your other side, chatting with you during the nights, making you smile and laugh.

·         When word of how one of them tried talking your brother into a marriage arrangement reaches Ivar, he pulls back on his idea of having you sit with him.

·         To you, it just looks like a rejection, and Ivar notices you grow colder, more distant.

·         With the threat of how desired you have proven yourself to be, a beautiful woman and a fierce shieldmaiden, hanging over his head, Ivar grows more and more restless, and resolute he has to prove to you he can offer you much more than any of these men can.

·         He tries everything he can think of. Make it so that you are there when he beats his brothers in target practice, boast about how his strategy was what won them many a battle against the Saxons, repeat the tales about how he and his brothers are descended from the Gods themselves.

·         When Ivar makes the contraptions for his legs, he goes to find you with -barely contained, he shouldn’t even bother trying to hide it really- enthusiasm, trying to show off in front of you.

·         He ties a lot of his self-worth into how people perceive him, into how much of a ‘normal man’ he can pass off as, and as we know he stands a lot prouder and a lot more confident once he gains more control of the Great Army and manages to make those things.

·         When you see him, though, even though he is preening and standing tall, chin high and shoulders squared; all you do is look at the contraptions around his legs and back into his eyes.

·         “You’re a better fighter without those.” You’d say, and nothing else.

·         Ivar would sulk. There’s no way to impress you, nothing he can do to make you look at him with that mischievous streak you share with Hvitserk, or that companiable closeness you have with Björn.

·         Anger would quickly enough win over any impulse to sulk and feel sorry for himself, though.

·         He’d eventually grow colder, crueler, towards you. He’d feel like you rejected him, and being angry towards you -and in return making you be angry towards him- gives him someone to blame, gives him some way of letting the pain have form, have a target for all the mess of emotions it leaves inside him.

·         When Björn starts making plans to return to the Mediterranean, he fully expects to see you depart following his brother and never seeing you again.

·         He hates himself for grieving the loss of you, someone he never had, someone that -as far as he knows- never cared about him anyways.

·         But he does. The day when Björn and those who choose to come with him will depart East approaches, and Ivar is more on edge than ever.

·         Restless, angry, and with no one to blame but himself. But, of course, he won’t do that, no.

·         He taunts you, makes jabs at you and how you run after Björn like an enamored thrall, points out you choose to sail a ship like a coward instead of staying here -staying with him- and fighting the Saxons.

·         When you snap back, voice loud and eyes furious, that you were never planning on sailing back with Björn, you manage for once to stun Ivar into silence.

·         You don’t even give him time to hold on to cruelty, to the pain and anger he uses as both a weapon and a shield. You stand up from the table and leave the hall.

·         Hvitserk doesn’t lift his head from his food, but still grumbles that he should go after her. At Ivar’s affronted frown, Ubbe insists that he should, offering his little brother a sly smile and something about going to find his woman.

·         Ivar would deny to his very grave and beyond it that his ears turned red at the implication behind Ubbe’s words.

·         But he did, trying to dispel thoughts that told him how he was running after you like a lovesick puppy.

·         When he finds you, you are still angry, because of course you are. And your anger is to Ivar like an electric shock over an exposed nerve, drawing out all the vitriol and fury and explosiveness.

·         Before long he has managed to make you angrier than he has ever seen you, and your voices rise with your tempers.

·         A second time you manage to stun Ivar into silence comes shortly after the argument between the two erupts.

·         He doesn’t even remember what he was about to say, only that with a few words about how you chose to stay with the Great Army for him makes all the thoughts on his head disappear.

·         Before he can twist himself into knots about it, thinking how it must surely be a lie, how you are playing some cruel trick on him; you lean in and kiss him.

·         Ivar doesn’t know how to react, not at first. The only woman he has kissed before was a slave his brother instructed to sleep with him, and he refuses to think of that night, of that woman.

·         He stays frozen under your touch, until you pull back, and smile.

·         He realizes when lack of air makes your kiss end that in your eyes you don’t have that glint of playfulness you share with Hvitserk, or that comfortable understanding you have with Björn; but something more tender, more real, and definitely hungrier.

____

So yeah, that’s that. I have never written headcanons before, and I struggle a lot with season 4 Ivar (who am I kidding, I struggle with writing Ivar in general) even tho he is my favorite Ivar. Idk, I gave it my best, hopefully I can learn from this and get better at it lol

Thank you so much for reading, lovelies!! <3