#i now am taking a year off
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having good & true friends will literally save and protect you in a million unfathomable ways. like okay we have written so many times about lovers. but the way a platonic friend laughs and cries with you. the way they hold your hand at 14 years old and at 34. the way they keep a little silver tie to you, touching base over and over and over. how you can go years without talking, only to re-meet and discover: oh shit! you're still cool!
there are people who have been in my life for more than half of it, and i have loved every version of them. do you know how fucking beautiful that is. yeah love will save the world. but the way friends love you is gonna save the you.
#and before one of u is like '' i have no friends :(" i used to be there too actually#abusive partner cut me off from ALL of 'em. i didn't think i was lovable#it made me EXCEPTIONALLY shy. i still am actually!!!!#i just ... started saying ''yes.''#i would take pictures of flyers in my library and go to whatever events they had#i started taking community classes#if someone mentioned like ''i am gonna start x group'' i actually took a deep breath#and approached them to be like . okay i want in.#i started making the first move with new people - a small compliment#a smile or a little joke. just to share the space with them.#i have MASSIVE social anxiety. bad parent and bad relationship will do that to ya.#but i just... kept going. and going. and going. to each of these little things. and then...#like. .... idk i just am very blessed. i have a STUPID number of friends#a lot of which i reconnected with. bc it turns out love is never wasted. adult life just.#like. gets in the way. but also... i loved u as a weird little kid. i love u now as a weird big adult.#i promise i PROMISE ur friends are out there. u just have 2 find them. and btw#i didn't make friends with everyone. but i did get a lot of people to smile or laugh.#aint that something.#this process took me something like 2 years. it was HARD!!!!!!!!!!#i love u!!! hard things are often worth it!!!
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unconditionally
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fushiita#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#megumi#yuuji#im shaky and numb the way this took years off my life#genuinely cannot believe i thought it was smart to make it a comic i could have stuck at a painting and it would have been fine#but nooooooo in my hubris i thought Surely im an expert at this longform stuff now Surely i can do it :)#and then it killed me it killed me dead this is like over twice as long as the train comic and 4 times as detailed#backgrounds . angles. i yearn fr death.#AND I HAD 2 WRITE THEM ACTUALLY TALKING GGSDH i am actually so insecure abt the way the dialogue flows gomen....#i wanted to add more to it to fix how clipped and rushed i think it reads#but that would mean drawing more expressions would mean drawing more panels would mean more gd hyDRANGEAS#so ultimately i decided 2 have the conversation take the hit because let me tell u.#if i have to draw. one more blue petal i will snap i will lose it#i knew tht would happen n wanted to alleviate some of the pain so i found a few brushes that helped speed up the process#but the thing w a lot of premade flower brushes is they also come preshaded n look uniform in a way that stands out badly against my style#so i had 2 render over them anyway........#yuuji's domain rly putting me through the wringer first the train station now death by a bajillion petals smh#all that to say tho . my labour of love . i am going to take a nap#hina.comic
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Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will
#svsss#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#the fact that people think scum villain#-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction-#is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me#especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater#heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series#he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters#(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy)#I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters#like example off the top of my head-#the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx#I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes#side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me#i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation#but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years#like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right?#being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain#the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too#+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu#as “so bland he's tempted to throw salt on himself” and ��all he could do is lay around and wait for death” (<-paraphrasing)#bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people#another point on “Shen Yuan isn’t lazy” is just the sheer amount of studying that man does#also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be#he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students#and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing#+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this#but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy
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This is what it was all for
Happy Midsummer's Eve!!!
#gianttiny#giant/tiny#sfwgt#gtfluff#giant tiny#niart#dragon's lair#lovia#t#and now i disappear back into the ether#just wanted to make a midsummer piece#because i've decided that it's an extra special time for them#possibly renewing vows and whatnot ajkhjash anygay#i also just had the most harrowing day ever yesterday and needed to treat myself#you know the kinda pain that just makes you sweat because it hurts so bad#never had an anasthetic that wears off that quickly#went to the dentist because wisdom teef be infected finally enough that they want to take action hah#like clean the infected area with a metal scrape and holy fuck the pain afterwards#anyway ramble ramble#stay tuned for next part of dragon's lair#yes i am finally working on it#it's only been uh#almost two years#anywho rn i am celebrating midsummer#figners crossed the bonfires are on for this year
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Smell Check [Easy: Failure]
MDZS Disco Elysium AU part 1 (part 2 - part 3)
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#disco elysium#MDZS Disco Elysium AU#So sad I didn't manage to get this comic out on the 15th (pd-mdzs's 8 month anniversary and DE's 4th year anniversary) but I'm here *now*#I have a very extensive and detailed MDZS Disco Elysium AU that I am Not Normal About.#I've seen a few other people point out the potential in a crossover (true) but they make the mistake in having it be set in 51!#A true crossover would take place closer to The Antecentennial Revolution!#Disco Elysium did not go that hard on its cool lore for people to only make surface level crossovers!!!#One day I'll write the fic or post my notes. I don't know who would read it but it tickles *my* brain and that's enough.#No spoilers for DE (here or in comments (please)) but please consider....Magpie Wei Wuxian B*) On his way to be an innocent.#I do think there is a good chance a chunk of the MDZS readership would enjoy DE but...it's also not a game I easily recommend#It's more of an experience you have to marinate over. It's dark in ways that are off putting to some people.#It makes you feel like a very bad person all the time. It gets extremely personal if you allow yourself to be honest in your answers#and it's also the game that saved my life. My life was truly forever changed after playing disco elysium.#If I recommend it to people it's a badge of the trust I have in you to appreciate something dear to me B'*)#If you decide to play: PLEASE go in as blind as possible. You will regret spoiling yourself.#edit: this is based on real disco elysium dialogue. HDB has many canon kinks but this is not one of them
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Little bright colored outfit with a fun vest ~
(shoes from ebay like 10 years ago. everything else is thrifted)
#ootd#jfashion#fashion#fantasy fashion#mori kei#....like... adjacent... lol#no idea what style this would be lol.. makes me think of like whimsical vaguely fantasy themed childrens book character#finally posting one of my aforementioned seven million drafts of actual outfits and costumes i have finished and edited#the photos for but just never feel like posting lol..#I need to find one of those people whos like 'omg i am ADDICTED to social media ugh i wish i could get off of it#im just browsing and posting like 60 times a daaaaay!!!' and take a little magical bottle and suck some of the social media#enthusiasim out of them. for moi. In exchange they can have some of my 'literally just never in the mood to post or interact with the#outside world ever' energy. We can balance each other. huzzah and so on#Though I think maybe it's part of the general thing I've heard of like.. I can't remember if it was in reference to adhd or just some sort#of general execcutive functioning issue type of thing - but the idea that things have to be ''just right'' before you do something. like#'oh i need to do this task. but i have to wait until XYZ first' or 'oh i can do this but only if X specific condition is met' or etc#The fact that I even have to be in a Specific Mindset to post. or sometimes will delay posting on social media because like 'oh well#I'm going somewhere tomorrow. somehow this matters. i cannot spend 5 minuts posting TONIGHT. clearly it will interfere#somehow schedule wise with the doctor appointment i have 15 hours from now. yes. yes. i must wait until my appointment is over#tomorrow afternoon. THEN i shall post' or etc. etc. lol. NOT even taking into account the many days#I just genuinely and physically sick and it's not even a mental thing. I just physically dont feel like sitting at the computer lol..#ANYWAY.. trying to get back into it. trying to get a business bank account.. make a proper paypal so i can start selling sculptures again.#selling clothes and sculptures.. posting about such things then of course as one must. etc... chanting to hype up and motivate myself lol#But yes. this is my favorite outfit out of the bunch so I am posting it first I guess.. maybe others later..#Also the purple dress says its from shein. which I've heard is bad fast fashion stuff. but maybe okay since its second hand? I havent#been to the bins since like 2020 or late 2019 even. and I think stuff like shein and temu has only become poular in the past few years#but I bet if I went to the bins now I might would find a good handfull of that stuff. Probably now not much different than what you#find in a walmart or a forever 21 or actual physical stores you can go to though. I hear quality of clothing is down everywhere no matter#where you get it or whatnot. What bountiful joys unfettered capitalism and exploitation bestows upon us (<being sarcastic).#Wearing one of my favorite little vests though. I love the texture of it and the clasps on it
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dnkinktober day 1: feminization | day 14: biting
#death note#light yagami#l lawliet#lawlight#dnkinktober#giggles and kicks my feet and twirls my hair#wait no twirling hair. fuck cant even twirl ur hair anymore. bc of shaving it all off#anyway giggles and kicks my feet did u know it's kinktober now :3#isnt this exciting im so excited i love kinktober it makes me want to go yippee hooray and things of that nature#not going to be able to post as much this year as i did last year bc i am Busy and also tired and also working on more complex stuff ;3#but it'll still be very fun :3#okay i must go now..... i have class........ tragic that class keeps me from tumblr..... maybe i should take a month off for kinktober.....
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Please don't crucified me if this headcanon is deemed unrealistic in real life. (´；ω；`) More notes / detailed notes:
stayed & travelled with the Figs for awhile -- after being found, before finally dropped of to an institution, as the Figs think their travelling life style is not really suitable to raise a child
quickly picked up civilization as he is an intelligent child (that's why he is a ravenclaw)
exchanged letters with the travelling Figs during his time at the institution / orphanage
was a really helpful child during his time at the institution / orphanage that he is close with the staff
he thinks of befriending people is a way of learning & by helping them he gets to experience a lot of different things
a mellow temperament child in general (just like how it is ingame)
likes exploring (bcs damn! we really going places in that game)
picked the silly 'Alex Xander' name himself, maybe he heard a mother called her child with that name once and he is obsessed with that name ever since.
he always writes Xander as his 'family name' to show that he is complete even without a family
actually a bit older than his classmates, as he went through extra few years to catch up to civilization as a feral child
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#anyhow i really love our barn owl; she's so beautiful but with a face like biscuit
#i can't stop thinking of how he is a child raised by the forest; so ... ; like; that's why he got clawed scars on his face and all .......#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy mc#character sheet#student id#hogwarts legacy fanart#fanart#i was torn between the thought of fig adopted him for several years already; exactly after he retired from travelling#or they never had any contact with him after they dropped him off#and literally only met again when his magic awakened & noticed by hogwarts; and Fig be like; Aren't u that child?#and during their time together Fig is considering to officially adopt him as their child#it makes the end game so much sadder ; ~~ ;#like; they were just going to be family for real; and suddenly AUGH; and then what's gonna happen to him; that's another story#anyhow what's gonna happened with seb; i don't think he has any other guardians in the family; tho @nne can just whoosh! without guardian;#is legal matter doesn't matter in this world; ok ; no more headache; just independency & fantasy#fsh; knowing how his family is financially stable; 0minis would want to just adopt; but he would hate adopting @nne & seb to his family#pondering i wonder if any other prof would like to take custody over my child#or probably Figs have kind relatives that would take him in#aieehhh let's not think too hard for that part now#i am not a novelist for a reason#plot holes; plot holes everywhere#fshsfh anyhow i don't know wand flexibility is a thing#i was confused what to pick and just went with what they chose for me first#is that information even important or has any meaning at all
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maybe link should consider that I filled my inventory with salted milky smoothies right before the fight and spent all that time leveling up the sword and energy gauges tho ...🥲
#when tri said give him the sword back i was like NO!!!! IM GOING TO SHOVE HIM OFF THIS CLIFF TRI DONT TRI ME!!#ILL TURN THIS FROM ECHOES OF WISDOM TO ECHOES OF WIDOW REAL FAST (ZELDA WILL BE A WIDOW)#i think post game should have a mode where u can refight the bosses and get them as echoes at least if ur not allowed to use swordfighter#in the last fight...like...give me SOMETHING here#eow spoilers#echoes of wisdom spoilers#echoes of wisdom#loz eow spoilers#loz eow#zelda#link#princess zelda#eow#loz#the legend of zelda#legend of zelda#fanart#ms paint#doodle#comics#truly the quickest lil doodle comic of my life but i know from complaining abt this on my main other ppl got miffed abt this too!!#that being said its still my fav game in recent years i ADORE THIS game dont take this as like serious hate lol#i get WHY they did this. i get it! but Still wasnt what /i personally/ wanted so i will gripe abt my Opinions#im queueing this to come out (1) week after i draw it so maybe everyone is done by now but if not . sry for the spoilers. i tagged every#possible blacklistable term i could think of </3#&yes I know why they did it thematically etc no one needs to Um Actually 🤓☝️ me this is my opinion 🧍🏻 pls just scroll if u disagree this is#silly hehe 10 min comic not. a serious real thing. u know??#I love link and I am glad we got to do stuff with him at the end I wish it would’ve just been more of the split room puzzles together and#we both got to fight also .
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crying @ my first vs most recent megu these r not the same person heLP
#hina.txt#art improvement ego boost hours#ik its mainly a combination of style shifts and practice/familiarity with How To Draw A Megu#but he looks like hes aged minimum 5 years im dying ....esp next to the newest iteration i am like That Is A 12 Year Old Boy#god every day i am tempted to redraw cursed kids.png#but the sheer amount of Detail i crammed into that piece is daunting at best and ridiculous at worst#even with how comfortable i am w the chars now i still think it would take a Minute#i dont remember how many days the og took??? tags just say a billion years ty 2020 hina very specific#if i base it off the dates between it and the draws before it that wld suggest it took minimum one week#hm. o i cn clear that Easy actually#who knows .....maybe...............#i cld simplify it.....i cld skip the bg...we have the technology.....#sighs . ill consider it
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Hey remember when Baghera adopted Dapper like 8 months ago or did I make that up ? ────────────────────────────────────────── Support all the admins that spoke out (& do your daily click) ──────────────────────────────────────────
#idk why on earth i gave baghera knuckles- when i say i turn my brain off when I draw i mean it#..... sooo looks like ive got a new wa-cats type of fandom on my hands#as in i am still very emotionally attached to the memories i have from this no matter what i do itll keep coming back#but i havent read the books in several years nor do i plan to anymore and looking back i am so angry and disgusted#but also im still blown away by the creativity and the passion the fandom builds on its own#i wanted to go ahead and finish any art that ive been working on for the past almost year and decided this one would be the most fitting#i learnt last week that only the first 20 tags on an original post will show up in tumblr searches#and I think im going to take advantage of that#because i dont want to hype the server anymore and i have decided i will no longer be adding my watermark on top of my work#and i was going to refrain from tagging it because i dont want my related posts to show up#before remembering that some of my mutuals who ive been chatting to for years now#have these fandoms blacklisted#so im going to test it and hope it works#im still going to tag the characters i love though because i wanna show support to the actors and i wish them nothing but the best#baghera fanart#pomme fanart#dapper fanart#dappleduo#my art#qsmp#mcyt#fandom neg#tag this however you want#yap yap yap yap tlddr
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I made this post before we knew Focalors and Furina were different people, and the fact I still find it accurate to Focalors but not Local Fatui Harbinger Fucker Furina is rly funny to me
It is my humble opinion that Focalors and Arlecchino WOULD argue about who is worse for Furina, tho
#Focalors: Furina ilu so much ur like a little angel to me — but wtf is THAT?? *pointing at Arlecchino*#Furina: m…my boyfriend…?#Focalors: put her back where you found her now#Furina: but—#Arlecchino: that would be quite difficult considering I’m the one who snuck up on her#Furina: Arle you’re not helping—#Focalors: you motherfucker—#Arlecchino: I suppose you’re right. the children do consider her their mother these days so I am something of a ‘’motherfucker’’ aren’t I—#Furina: you’RE NOT HELPING ARLE—#Focalors: NEUVILLETTE WE’RE REINSTATING THE DEATH PENALTY#Neuvillette: I-I’m not doing that…#Arlecchino: why not? it’D BE LESS CRUEL THAN WHAT SHE DID TO FURINA#Focalors: YOU DON’T EVEN WANT TO START WITH ME ABOUT ‘’CRUEL TO FURINA’’#Arlecchino: SHE’S HAD CRIPPLING DEPRESSION FOR 500 YEARS AND WHERE WERE YOU? YOU DIDN’T CHECK IN ON HER EVEN ONCE#Focalors: I WAS ALWAYS THERE#Arlecchino: THEN WHY WOULD YOU EVEN LET ME ATTACK HER IF YOU WERE ‘’ALWAYS THERE?’’#Arlecchino: YOU WERE JUST GOING TO LET HER TAKE THE FALL FOR YOUR BULLSHIT PLAN???#anyway that’s how I imagine a typical Focalors and Arlecchino conversation goes#Focalors is the local absentee big sister and Arlecchino is the motorcycle riding boyfriend (who also does some murdering on the side)#both of them think Furina would be better off without the other#and then there’s Furina who is just so mentally ill and loves both of them#and Neuvillette is the only stable one and he lets Furina cry to him when both of them are upsetting her#I think about all this a normal amount. ahem#Arlefuri#Furina#Arlecchino#Focalors#Neuvilette //#Genshin Impact //
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I recommend being tactically mediocre at your job if you can possibly get away with it because people are always telling me oh Kat you are a model employee, you are a shining star in our workplace, so can you do this and this and this and
#i got off probation last year and I literally threw my own party#bc I suggested it for ppl getting off probation for morale reasons#and they were like great idea! you can arrange it#I am arranging another thing tomorrow and have been driving all over getting catering ready#and I bet like 6 people will come even though *they* asked me to do it#I demonstrated basic knowledge of a cloud product and now I've been tapped to do a demo at a staff meeting#when (if!!!) I have surgery and take time off I'm blocking everyone's numbers
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.
#us election venting beware:#i am actually a bit annoyed at all the people that told me i was just being pessimistic and it's not healthy to think the worst of people#when yet again we have proven the worst of people wins#and even if it doesn't win (it will) it is still so significantly mobilized and out there#like i know it's not helpful. but i TOLD YOU. everyone thought it wouldn't happen and it DID.#just like nobody thought it would happen THEN and i was apparently the only one around me who saw it coming.#now can we PLEASE take this problem SERIOUSLY and get off our fucking asses and admit it's fucked out there??#the core of our system is bad. it is rotting and the proof is in this joke of an election#so can every white liberal get off my ass for 'bringing down the vibe' or whatever?#you people have been LAZY for a long time. you have been comfortable and unmotivated and been doing NOTHING.#quit focusing on doing your best by voting and get the fuck out there and disrupt. radicalize!#'common sense' is not enough and it never was#i hate to say it but believing the best in the masses in this deeply racist country will disappoint you every time#and i can't believe so many people fell for it again!!!!#i know it's unfair but#i'm finding it really difficult to sympathize with people in my community who are sad and disappointed#when i watched you do NOTHING for YEARS#(not for the people that are actively in danger. my heart breaks for you. i will not stop fighting for you. you didn't deserve this.)#i have never believed that people are fundamentally good and i'm sorry if that's mean but it's just not true#people are fundamentally neutral and you have to WORK to push them towards 'good'#and for too long the pushing has been going in the other direction. but 'pushing' at all is uncouth to you people i guess#get over your decorum. get over your morals that mean nothing. no one else is playing by your rules. DO something. CARE MORE.#sorry. i'm angry. i am filled with rage. and it is mostly directed towards the white intellectual elite.#to anyone who is blindingly furious i see you and i am with you lmao.#to anyone that wants to say 'i told you so' you are so valid.#we keep going.#futhermore: 'it's only four years. we'll recover.' BITCH#ONLY four years? that's four years of DAMAGE that will really hurt people in the meantime#and set up a whole host of problems for the future! the courts my god.#four years of bullshit policy and shit we will have to spend years untangling just to get back to even thinking about making any progress
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Not forgiving yall for making me believe Price was a proper Tired Old Man™. What do you MEAN he is canonically 38/39 💀
and what do you mean Soap is like? 27? sir you are but wee boy. where are your parents.
#like. i get it. i do. he has the vibes#also ya know. being captain and spending time in a whole ass gulag will add about 30 years to you#EVEN SO!!!#i've been here for what. 2 weeks? if that? and everywhere i look Price is the hot middle aged dilf who looks well into his 50s#AND HE ISN'T EVEN 40??? A YOUNG LAD!! THAT'S EVEN MORE TRAGIC OMG???#i do agree those weird sideburns do NOT help. wasn't too keen on them but. i see it now i do. he pulls them off#i was doing some Research™ and like. what do you mean Soap is my age 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#they are all SO much younger than i thought omg. which like. okay! fandom and all absolutely 100% fair#(this is NOT me romanticising irl military btw. looking at this through a fictional lens because irl military is. hm. well.#not going into the details of systemic corruption and how unfairly privileged they are)#like. i just wanna wrap him in a blankie and have him take a long nap#all of then really but omg Price NEEDS it#not me getting all soft about some pixels 💀 ANYWAYS!#i am writing this at [ungodly hours of the night] so excuse me if this makes 0 sense. gonna schedule for a less offensive time of the day#anyways x2#captain john price#cod#cod mw
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i must talk to the guy who offered me the part time bookkeeper job again (wasn't 100% sure i was qualified for it when he first brought it up lol) and depending on what the pay is, i may survive after all
#i am moving money around arbitrarily in my accounts to pretend that i am doing something#and I've gotten the credit card debt low enough now that it's theoretically possible to have it paid off before i would have my surgery#which of course is only the case if i use the e-begged amount for the current debt and then just take on more debt lol#so far I've only pulled from it to make my payments to joss for the amount that i borrowed from her for the myofunctional therapy#so that way i don't have to give her my entire bonus next summer lol#so if this extra job pays even what I'm hoping for as a low estimate i should make it#and escape the pits of debt slavery in like 2 years#i think
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