#sighs . ill consider it
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atla!au designs part 3 !! one of these things is uh. not like the others
first year trio gojo/choso/nanami
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#fanart#jjk fanart#jjk atla!au#geto suguru#yuta okkotsu#mahito#lmhs#atla!au: design#squints at mahito i think i might b trying a bit too hard fr preliminary designs.......#they keep getting progressively more detailed OOPS#atla!au: art#i feel like no one will complain tho so ! anywayyyyy#thank u hisuian zoroark fr ur weird hair n bad posture. stole that 2 put on this freak n gave him some soul orb hair ties#idk if his design adheres very faithfully to anything that can be considered atla canon....but i like it so much ok sue me#i would unironically like mahito more if he looked like this#let him lean more Monster.......pl..pls.......#dont dig too deep into that statement . anyway.#this whole page is full of chars i just Never draw but i dont have a least favourite here ???? all of them look rly good imo??#waterbender garb suits geto's design so well he gave me No trouble#yuuta on th other hand i was Concerned for on account of th aforementioned Orange on a very monochrome char in jjk canon#but i think i made it work? he looks great in th tattoos also??????#maybe th rumors r true and im good at what i do GHFGHGHL#(oh ya after mahito i didnt want to draw Another monster-spirit so i omitted rika but she exists. probably looks similar 2 canon also!)#(sighs ill deal w her later. priorities !!!!)
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You know what, fuck it, I have to speak my truth! (this is gonna be a rant, so anyone who actually likes assassin's creed revelations and/or the secret crusade, be warned or maybe don't read this at all)
remember how altaïr talks to king richard at the end of ac1, and richard is like "[humans] come into the world kicking and screaming, violent and unstable. it is what we are. we cannot help ourselves."? and how altaïr answers "no. we are what we choose to be." and how that ACTUALLY has meaning bc he himself was "violent and unstable" at the beginning of the game but he has learned and is now CHOOSING to be a better person who cares about others and humanity at large? remember how his calmness and gentleness was something that he ACQUIRED over the course of the story?
and remember how in revelations they then suddenly had a PRE-AC1 altaïr say about the first of his targets "no man should pass from this world without knowing some kindness." and be all wise and calm and collected during a nice little chat with al mualim, who suddenly acts all fatherly? (like, this is suddenly supposed to be a positive relationship? what??)
also, during the confession the target says to altair: "you put too much faith in the hearts of men, altaïr. [...] humans are weak, base, and petty." and altaïr answers: "no. our creed is evidence to the contrary." KJASJFJDKL???? like, it’s almost insulting how close this exchange is to the one with richard. you know, the one that was actually earned after a whole game of character development. like WTF??? cool congrats now that development means nothing. like, apparently that was just altaïr reverting BACK to being the exemplary assassin who understands and believes in the creed that he was apparently just born as. (i also hate how having a young inexperienced altaïr saying this implies that altaïr's faith in humanity is a sign of naivete instead of a sign of the wisdom he has gained after being confronted with counter arguments for a whole game, and also something that distinguishes the assassins from the templars who use humanity's supposed wickedness to justify controlling them like in AC1, but whatever)
altaïr’s development in AC1 mattered BECAUSE he is not NATURALLY a good person, it actually said something about humanity's capacity for both bad AND good and how humans don't have to be forced to be good through mind control bc they can by their own free will choose to be better when taught how and when allowed the freedom to grow. but no. apparently altaïr has just always been calm, wise and gentle. and he just sort of forgot about that during AC1 bc…. ? bc of adha?? bc of abbas???
oh don’t get me started on the whole abbas thing. (it doesnt even make sense that abbas is so hung up about his father and "his family’s honor", like what about the whole point of al mualim not allowing parents to be close to their children bc it would make them weak? like, my dude, you’re not supposed to HAVE any family aside from the brotherhood)
they used the throwaway character that had like 5 lines and made him into altaïr’s main antagonist in revelations… like, abbas wasn’t supposed to be this ONE dude who had personal beef with altaïr, he was just supposed to show how while altaïr’s revered by many, a lot of his brothers also hate him, bc 1) altaïr is a shitty person at this point and 2) bc there’s no real feeling of community and family in this version of the brotherhood, but just a pervasive sense of competition and jealousy — these assassins don’t care about their goal of safeguarding humanity bc they’re too hung up on petty squabbles and divided by rivalries (you know, the things that made malik hate altaïr even before solomon’s temple and that he overcomes in the end which enables him to forgive and to reconcile with altaïr so they can work together and stop al mualim? (you ever just think about "we are one. as we share the glory of our victories, so too should we share the pain of our defeat. in this way we grow closer. we grow stronger." and cry? bc i do. all the time. malik, the man that you are))
and now abbas is altaïr’s childhood best friend turned lifelong enemy?? like, bowden bent over backwards to come up with an explanation for why altaïr is an arrogant ass at the beginning of AC1, when the explanation is right there: he was raised to kill without asking questions and was constantly praised for how good he is at murder, which resulted in him becoming arrogant and disregarding human life. like, it doesn’t have to be some shakespearean family feud type shit. and guess what, this "simple" explanation actually plays into the story’s themes, who’da thunk!
(like, abbas might not have been a "fleshed out" character in AC1, but he had a specific function and now that function is gone. mr bowden, mr mcdevitt, you know characters are allowed to simply exist to tell us something about their worlds and the systems they live in and sometimes that’s more important and also more interesting than having every single character have a detailed backstory to explain all their behaviors, right?)
with all of this revelations loses all nuance in regards to the levantine brotherhood and also the creed in general. like, altaïr being a master assassin at the beginning despite being a terrible person and not actually understanding the creed is a criticism of the brotherhood and the creed itself. like, it said something about the order that someone like altaïr was able to get that high in rank, simply bc he's good at killing, which also tells us what is considered important in the al mualim era assassin order. when you make altaïr’s arrogance the result of his personal conflicts instead of how we was raised by a brotherhood that only valued one's ability to kill, you lose that characterization of the assassin order itself!
and by suddenly making al mualim a semi good "father figure" you also downplay his manipulation of not only altaïr but all those under his care. (altaïr says something about al mualim being "as a father" to him exactly twice in the codex, but he doesn’t mean by that that he WAS a father to him, what he means is that he was the CLOSEST THING he had bc HE DID NOT HAVE PARENTS, not because his mother died in childbirth and his father was executed when he was young btw, BUT BECAUSE IT WASN’T ALLOWED, like his parents actually lived but weren’t allowed to be close to him, he says he came to view al mualim’s "weak and dishonest" love as enough and even better BECAUSE HE HAD NOTHING ELSE, BECAUSE AL MUALIM ISOLATED HIS ASSASSINS FROM THEIR FAMILIES. al mualim "loved" him bc he was good at killing people for him! hm, i wonder if this could be trying to say anything about cults and indoctrination and the inherent contradiction in fighting for peace and free will by taking children away from their parents and raising them to become killers?? like, altaïr wasn't ~the special orphan boy~ taken in by al mualim bc his father died a hero's death, it was "the way of the order" to have al mualim be the closest thing to a parental figure for everyone to ensure absolute loyalty! altaïr saying al mualim was like his father is not supposed to make you go "oh, he must have actually been a good guy for altaïr to consider him a father", it should make you go "oh that's kinda fucked up that he considers the dude who made him into a killing machine and who manipulated him a sort of father figure"!)
and then in revelations they suddenly portray that relationship as positive and healthy??? like, it would be one thing to give it some nuance by delving into the psychology behind al mualim’s "love" and maybe showing how al mualim did care about altair in a complicated, fraught sort of way (like, you know, there’s a lot of interesting things you could say about al mualim at several points addressing altaïr as "my child" in AC1 and how that parallels Garnier referring to the people he drugged and abused as his "children", and what that says about how the templars view the people who they say they want to save and in whose best interests they supposedly act (in any case, al mualim doesn’t use that phrase because he has any real parental feelings but rather to patronize and to invalidate any objections, like in a "mother knows best" way))
but they even fucking DARE to parallel that relationship with that of altaïr and darim in revelations, by having the reflection in the puddle of darim hugging altaïr showing altaïr hugging al mualim…. like their relationship wasn’t inherently abusive but just tragically cut short because al mualim was just "corrupted by the apple"… like WHAT???? so it’s not the very real problems like grooming, manipulation and indoctrination and the hierarchical structure of the brotherhood itself (all of which are antithetical to the assassin ideology), it was just the evil apple all along. great. that’s DEFINITELY a lot more interesting.
god im sorry i really dont want to spread negativity but this is driving me INSANE. like, somebody please tell me im not crazy bc i feel like somehow most of the fandom is in agreement that revelations and the secret crusade have better storytelling and characterization than ac1.
SPEAKING OF WHICH, can we talk about how, even IF we completely ignore AC1 and treat revelations altaïr as his own character…. the narrative still doesn’t really work?
basically, the whole point of his story in rev is that "he gave his whole life to the brotherhood", this obsession led to him not using his time with his family which has him ending up dying alone in a dark library and this in turn makes ezio reevaluate his life choices…. except. he doesn’t? neglect? his family? or whatever? like, his devotion to the assassins is sort of painted as this tragic flaw that leads to a lonely death bc it supposedly comes at the cost of his family, but… his wife has joined the assassins, (at least) one of his sons is in the brotherhood and even when he goes to protect the assassins against the mongols, he takes his family with him (except for the son who stays behind bc he has a family of his own and who, ironically, ends up dying bc of that)… like, you can’t describe altaïr as a good husband and father in the database and have his son tell him that "everything that is good in me began with you, father" when they say goodbye, and then want to make us believe that he put his family behind the brotherhood and that that is a character flaw that leads to his tragedy.
because you HAVE to have a character’s tragedy be the result of a character flaw. like. that is how tragedies work. otherwise it just becomes tragedy for the sake of tragedy which is… boring bc it has no purpose. and we know it is SUPPOSED to have purpose bc ezIO FUCKING QUITS BEING AN ASSASSIN AFTER WITNESSING IT!
it’s like they want to have their cake and eat it, too — they didn’t want to actually make altaïr a bad husband/father, but still wanted to make his life a tragedy where he loses his family which is why instead they outsource all responsibility to abbas who now has to be the reason for ALL the deaths.
like, they try to make at least maria’s death kind of sort of the result of altaïr’s rashness or whatever but like… these guys KILLED THEIR SON and TOLD HIM THAT ALTAÏR HAD ORDERED HIS DEATH. like, altaïr losing it in response to that is not rash, it’s fucking logical and justified! if anything the scene made me angry at maria for trying to stop him. like, GIRL, he was YOUR son too??? but god forbid we give female characters actual real emotions, she has to fill the role of "voice of reason who dies for altaïr’s man pain" i fucking guess.
like, it’s this weird mix where his tragedy is simultaneously painted as his own fault but also not really bc abbas is the one responsible for all the shit that happens. it just… it just doesn’t really go together.
the only way to make his story make sense narratively and to give it actual purpose is by looking at it in the context of ezio’s story, bc the things he sees in altaïr’s memories are supposed to be a revelation (ha!) to ezio specifically. and i guess that’s maybe the crux of it all — altaïr’s story in revelations was conceived of first and foremost to support ezio’s story and development. which is probably also why many people maybe don’t notice bc, having skipped ac1 and started with ac2, the majority of people mostly care only about ezio and only really appreciate altaïr’s story in as far as it serves to push ezio forward. (tho i’ve also seen a few people say that ezio is also written kind of weird in rev, but i’ve never really been an ezio girly myself so i can’t speak to the truth of that)
like, altaïr dying alone in the library doesn’t really have to make sense for his character, i guess, bc it’s only really supposed to be a cautionary tale for ezio.
so, i guess, for once, they actually had a MAN dying for another man’s character development, which is pretty woke actually. ubisoft, i take everything back jksdsfjhgdsahfhsdhfghfdsgjhsdgjh
#assassins creed#ac1#altair ibn la'ahad#malik al-sayf#ezio auditore#asscreed#rant#long post#this is killing me#i even started rereading the secret crusade bc i thought maybe i remember it being worse than it is#but honestly its the opposite#even just the fact that in the secret crusade altair always says some last sentence after his targets' confessions#has me so irrationally angry aksjdfh#like over sibrands body he says something like 'may death be merciful' or something#like? did they want that to be like requiescat in pace or something???#like aside from the fact that altair WOULD NOT FUCKING SAY THESE THINGS#it also just destroys the tension built up by the target's last words#like... i do think it was very much on purpose that the target always had the last word in the confessions#sigh whatever its just a stupid video game from over 15 years ago who cares#(me. i care. unfortunately. i wish i didn't. send help please.)#also the fact that bowden just completely fucked up arabic naming conventions with the whole “umar/darim ibn la'ahad” thing#(which is kind of an achievement considering that wasn't too great in ac1 to begin with)#tho bc of that they kind of inadvertantly ended up implying that roshan is altairs ancestor which i actually kind of like lol#anyways sorry for this giant wall of text#this is probably (definitely) the longest post i've ever made lmsadjf#but i do think i've gotten most of it off my chest.... maybe#maybe ill add stuff if i come across something else that makes me angry lol#sorry i know i promised an essay and instead delivered a rant#i just dont think i have the capacity to actually structure my thoughts any better kajdsf
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happy birthday @monster-kind drew latte for you :3
#ccino!sans#ccino sans#cloudtale art#latte (ccino sans)#utmv#i finally got to draw him!!#getting used to drawing on phone again#considering it doesnt have 3d touch sighs#would it be heartstitched or monster kind#scratches head#ill retag it as monster kind maybe
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Just found out about the "sjm approved ships" for elain week and does that mean elain × cauldron is otp now?
#elaingate#*sigh*#i was considering making art for elain week too#but if people are going to be clowns over SHIPS of all things#ill just continue to work on my personal projects then#fae briton (derogatory)#elain
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whats with the url
howdy! i need to make a pinned about me post ahh
my name is israel, and im typing! (unfortunately. that is also the name of a fucked up. well you know.) most ppl just call me izzy
im white and latino, and its a biblical name
if i do get around to changing my username itll be izzydead EVERYWHERE (or some variant of that)
#anon#ill just pin this for now#considering changing my username/url#but ive been using it everywher for years… sigh#swifties dni
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someday I will have the life I desire
#sigh#i dknt know why i feel so off today considering that im gonna be going to my first job interview tomorrow in half a year#and ill possiblybhavw another one after that#but i stoll feel so sad for aome reason#tbh i did have a bit of an annoying day so it doesnt help#idk blehh im just rambling#bnuuyposting
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i could just have larxene accidentally portal into aura's workroom. and 'who are you and what are you doing here' could be what they're fighting over. but no matter where i go with that in my mind it leads to what i affectionately call 'kingdom hearts bullshit' which would be very fun and an absolutely horrific way to set the mood for hatesex
#like i want larxy to see clonco and ponco so she can comment on their interactions w aura#but if i give them any more than a sliver of screentime they'll plunge the thing into slapstick#and if she doesn't get discovered by tweedledee and tweedledum then she gets discovered by aura#and either larxy has to come up w some insane lie based solely off of context clues (one-way ticket to comedy yet again)#or else larxy has to know enough to lie convincingly. in which case portalling to aura isnt an accident#and even if that didnt wicked colour the rest of the scene i dont want to have identity bullshit in there#and if she doesnt portal into the space centre then either she goes there bcos she knows about aura (see prev tags)#or she went to the space museum for a guided tour about space (deeply funny concept considering larxy's character)#sigh. is it possible to have a somewhat angsty 'she mentions her dead coworker/crush' hatesex scene blend with comedy? probs#is this an ambitious ask for someone who again has not written anything friskier than materfred? Yes#ill rotate it a bit more#larxquill
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if you're walking at 5mph, but your feet are on sideways, and the sky turns green at 2:53, and Keanu Reeves has been sent to Neptune, what's your favorite video game
i cant walk 5mph in the first place, im only 5'4 and i have to walk like marvin the fucking martian everywhere i go
if my feet were on sideways i would still manage to get my shoes on wrong because i cant tell my left from my right
if the sky turns green that means every single car on the road is allowed to go at the same time
keanu reeves cant be sent to neptune with an expired passport
my favorite videogame MIGHT be professor layton and the diabolical box just because ive never been able to get over the ending, but mario galaxy and deltarune also come to mind
#this was very fun to answer thank u :o) ive always loved multiple choice questions#maybe if i had more multiple choice in my life id be able to get things done faster just closing my eyes and hoping for the best#its amazing that i dont own a magic eight ball. it would do wonders for my natural indecision and superstition#also to be fair ive only played the first two layton games even though i have the 3rd and 4th games on my cracked cartridge#BUT thats because my copy of unwound future is ass and it freezes on the opening cutscene so i cant even play it. sigh#maybe i should consider getting the mobile remastered versions but im lazy and i dont even know if i have enough storage space#there should be enough space on my ipad though so maybe. or ill back up some files to make room idk#i would have also answered undertale bc i had a huge undertale phase when it came out but im gonna be honest. ive never actually played it#im actually wondering if i should buy a copy for myself for xmas using grays steam account#the only thing im worried about is my motor skills are bad with keyboard and im dreading the asgore fight bc i heard its hard#but ive also never watched a full playthru so i feel like id be going into the game blind which sounds exciting. and ill prbably cry a lot#besides that ive been replaying mario galaxy with gray and i forgot how good the game is.. i love the ambience and game mechanics#although the races are so nerve wracking and i hate the controls sometimes. did u know i died on loopdeloop galaxy TWELVE FUCKING TIMES#also deltarune because i love EVERYTHING abt it i love the lore i love SUSIE i love the whole thing kris has going on#yapping#ask
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man a thing that brings me such despair lately is. i can't keep up. i can't keep up.
#this applies to both everything and nothing#don't mind me i am sick in bed for stupid reasons (enjoyed my time one minute too many)#i just. can't keep up with it all. lmao.#like i know there's no moral weight to whatever deviation from a 'normal' timeline or whatever#but have you considered that i want to do things i want to do#sigh!#i eventually become a broken record#it's remarkable how persistent illness and pain make you so boring#truly becomes my entire personality#oh well
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okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead
#okay venting in the tags you are very welcome to ignore or not respond to it i just need to yell somewhere#i always thought id be an art therapist because well i care about people and want to help them and love art#but everyday i wake up feeling like a fraud and an imposter so like. should i really be doing all that when im not entirely#certain i cpuld handle it??? like i know i haven't gotten the meaty bit of the education towards that yet but like#university costs a disgusting amount of money here and if i pick the wronf thing im likely doomed forever thanks to awful government#i know things could get better like they did after thatcher but honestly im not putting any bets on it considering how the current labour#party is so like if i fuck up here im basically dead#also can i actually do art uni. like could i cope with that. im deeply unethused with art at the moment and honestly will i evwr be#idk#it was jusr a thing i always did but education around it is fucking soul sucking#also the emotional weight of hearing and solving people's problems as a therapist. i would consider myself quite empathetic for the most#part i feel other people's pain quite strongly and obviously as a therapist id be feeling that quite a bit so could i actually cope with it?#ik therapists have therapists but still#i mean im doing work experience at an occupational therapy place so ill just be extra inquisitive about it all to make sure im going#the way i wanna#I'll be fine by the end of a levels ill probably understand what i want in life#if not then gap year to work it out#should probably look at unis for english language too then#sigh#ucas website i may as well marry you#ill be okay im getting in my head about stuff im actually pretty good at art even if there are things i can improve on (like patience lol)#yeah maybe the voice telling me i suck doesnt know shit and should shut up#yeah#shut it nasty voice you're wrong actually!!! im doing just fine and you're being overly critical#they should make a brain that's your friend and not mush that hides the amalgamation of every bad thing ever in its crevices#crevices shoyild be filled with kindness and love.#sex jokes about that#why the fuck is yahoo mail syncing i dont use you you washed up search engine#bue waffling#vent post
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I can't decide who I love more. so you do that for me!
#dc#guy gardner#kyle rayner#i need a favourite green lantern#*sigh*#ik full well that if someone does actually vote for this ill not even consider this poll.#they'll be tied forever 😔
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crying @ my first vs most recent megu these r not the same person heLP
#hina.txt#art improvement ego boost hours#ik its mainly a combination of style shifts and practice/familiarity with How To Draw A Megu#but he looks like hes aged minimum 5 years im dying ....esp next to the newest iteration i am like That Is A 12 Year Old Boy#god every day i am tempted to redraw cursed kids.png#but the sheer amount of Detail i crammed into that piece is daunting at best and ridiculous at worst#even with how comfortable i am w the chars now i still think it would take a Minute#i dont remember how many days the og took??? tags just say a billion years ty 2020 hina very specific#if i base it off the dates between it and the draws before it that wld suggest it took minimum one week#hm. o i cn clear that Easy actually#who knows .....maybe...............#i cld simplify it.....i cld skip the bg...we have the technology.....#sighs . ill consider it
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Cut my hair short but idk how to feel about it... if i look too normal when its dry im cutting it even shorter
#i keep doing this i feel the pressure to cut my hair and then im like no not good. cuts shorter. fuck i look too normal.#considers cutting even shorter#ill see what it looks like when dry ig but#my reflection looks weird#i cover my hair when out tho so ig it doesnt matter too much but#sigh...#if partner approves I'll consider keeping it as is
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and what if i started writing for like 3 other fandoms… :3
#WHAT IF?!#when i tell you tokyo revengers ruled my LIFE during 2022!! I MEAN IT!!#demon slayer… jjk… tr… i have so many ideas cooking rn… :3#IF I DO THIS ill still be mainly a haikyuu blog because hq is my baby <3#sigh ill need to redo my whole theme too T^T#but it’s okay i need to do some blog cleaning anyway!! it’s a lil unorganized right now teehee#sanemi x reader 20k word fic coming soon#JUST KIDDING!! unless…?#no but seriously i rlly am considering dabbling in to other fandoms instead of being exclusively hq#i used to have a tr blog but it was sadly abandoned </3#OKAY enough of me rambling!!#₍ᐢ..ᐢ₎ — lene’s latest gossip .ᐟ
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sixty four fucking american dollars for a used game? yeah it came out september this year but still. im glad i pirated it wtf
#txt#i never feel any shame when pirating things#but i was considering buying myself either aj trilogy or investigations for my switch for christmas#no fucking way am i soending thag much on a USED game 😭 what price is it new??? wtf#im sure its. worrh. it..???? but well no really. i cant justify any game costing that much. ESPECIALLY? A TWO GAME COLLECTION. THAT ISNT EVE#N LIKE????? THAT expansive. yknow if it was a massive open world thing i would be like sigh. ok. i guess i can make sense of that#BUT? INVESTIGATIONS?????????? WHAT#maybe when i play the connection ill Get It#but wtf#A USED GAME#$64.#that is just pngs really as far as i can tell#wtf#outrageous
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Yall ever just go into mindless mode to get shit done
#maybe its dissociation but that gets thrown around too comfortably#but im talkin about like#heavy sigh dont think about it just Do It™️#but you dont feel any relief from getting it done#thats me today#dont think about it just get it done#if i think about it ill consider too many followings#cat talks
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