#as in i am still very emotionally attached to the memories i have from this no matter what i do itll keep coming back

[mllenugget]

Hey remember when Baghera adopted Dapper like 8 months ago or did I make that up ? ────────────────────────────────────────── Support all the admins that spoke out (& do your daily click) ──────────────────────────────────────────

[freebooter4ever]

watching the new fast fashion doc and its horrifying but also like... we have seen this before. new names same problem. :( the sad part is how each generation gets exploited in a similar manner. my generation had sexist (american aprl) and exploitative sweatshop (n*ike) brands but our fashion wasn't fast. in my middle class friend group we each had 2-3 skate shop sweatshirts that were worn on rotation every single day. and then a few pairs of jeans. the popular girls were a bit more varied and obviously werent wearing skateboard brands and instead picked like hol*ster or a&f but it was a very similar top/jeans combo. new clothing purchases were rare in my house and usually on special occasions or the beginning of the school year. i cant imagine growing up in todays world, it must be such pressure.

my generation failed the next in that we learned about the sweatshops and exploitation... and then just... accepted it.

[roozible]

TW PET ILLNESS

might end up losing my baby soon. he's not doing well and we don't have any vets nearby who can take him, like what happened with Rabbit two years ago. i'm incredibly not okay, he's been my baby for ten years and i haven't been this emotionally attached to any pet we've ever had since i was a small child, so it will be like losing a literal part of me.

i won't put any pictures of him as he's ill. i refuse. so this blog will remain pictures of a happy, comfy, relaxed bun, just as he always be for me in my memory. he loves me and my dad more than anyone else in the family by miles, and he's so cuddly with us, even now as he's struggling. if i can get some good pics of him before he goes, where you might not be able to tell how much pain he's in, i might post them. otherwise, it'll be older pics from now on until i run out of energy or pictures.

i am incredibly emotionally not okay right now. y'all who have bunnies will get it. he's been my precious boy for a very long time.

but for as long as i still can, i'm gonna be giving my boy the snuggles and pets and smooches he deserves.

thanks for listening.

[the-au-collector]

Random Things I forgot to add in my braindump for my Radio AU:

Twilight is Time and Malon’s nephew. I think I’m going to make his relation through Uli, so that makes Uli and Malon sisters in this AU

Legend used to go to college in Mabe City, but moved away after his Koholint Trauma happened. He still has friends there, like Ralph, Din, and Nayru, but he rarely visits

Sun races cars. Not professionally or for sport, no. She’ll just drive at 80mph down some old country road for the hell of it. Sky and Groose often join her

Sky, Sun, and Groose all came from Sky City. That said, they somehow never met until college. They find this very funny and will call each other “strangers”

Legend and Fable’s biological father is Raven, but he was very inconsistent with his job and eventually left them with Alfon, his adopted brother (and I am realizing I need a family tree for this AU😵‍💫).

Time is an orphan. He was never adopted growing up, but he was closest to the Kokiri family. They had a daughter named Saria who he still calls his older sister. She’s an ecologist now

Time secretly spoils Wolfie

Twilight will take Wolfie for “walks” (aka, he will sneak Wolfie into his and Wild’s house despite there being a strict no dogs policy. Revali has tried getting them in trouble before but hasn’t succeeded yet)

Wolfie is the favorite whenever Wild hosts a party

Time has somehow become emotionally attached to these radio kids. He was not supposed to get emotionally attached

Sky and Sun hope to get married sometime after graduation, preferably sooner than later

First is everyone’s favorite when he’s around. That said, he’s still the oldest and most responsible when having fun.

Crimson swears

Ravio has tried reaching Sheerow to talk

Legend doesn’t drive (anymore)

Warriors has the gaudiest car, according to Legend. Legend’s right

Styla and Legend are like BFFs. They also met when Legend did Fashion Design. Styla often makes costumes for the school plays as well

Shadow hung out with a bad crowd in high school. He’s doing better now.

Where are the colors you ask? Four’s genderfluid so he uses them to indicate his gender. Vio = she/her. Green = he/him. Red = they/them. Blue= any, they don’t care.

Vaati is Shadow’s biological father, who married Four’s mom when Shadow and Four were 12. Four’s mom died when they were 14, then Vaati went into prison when they were 15 (they really are unrelated incidents). They began living with Grandpa Smith after that.

Yuga is Ravio and Hilda’s dad. He’s really strict and not a good person. He wants them both to go into business. Ravio is playing his hand until he can be totally independent. Hilda is a high school senior and wants to major in fine art. Yuga hates this. He especially hates that Ravio is completely supportive of Hilda… and also that Ravio never comes around anymore.

Hilda’s started being invited to Legend’s uncle’s house for holidays. She can’t come to all of them because of Yuga but she does come to Thanksgiving now

Alfon refuses to let anyone be alone over the holidays. He will force Legend and Ravio to bring their friends over if they have no one in the area or anywhere to go

Flora and Fauna grew up under a lot of pressure from their dad. Fauna feels it more since she’s older, but Flora definitely feels it too. They’re both perfectionists

Impa and Purah are Paya’s cousins in this AU. Paya’s very shy so they try to get her to go out more. Paya has a huge crush on Wild and is teased endlessly for it

Flora has this huge crush on this one guy in her anthropology class. His name is Tauro

Age and Wild didn’t get along for a long time after the house fire. Wild got his burns and amnesia from protecting Age but obviously doesn’t remember this. As a kid, Age thought Wild was purposefully forgetting everything. Wild honestly feels horrible for forgetting and is trying to get his memory back, but he hasn’t had much luck

Age and Wild are both named Link. It’s a family thing. They go by their middle names. Wilder is Wild’s official middle name. Age’s official middle name is August.

On the other hand, both Flora and Fauna’s middle names are Zelda. Flora’s full name is Florence Zelda Hyrule. Fauna’s name is just Fauna.

^ this is the same for Dawn and Aurora too

Hyrule, Dawn, and Aurora come from a very small town named Mido. Hyrule would play “Knights of Hyrule” with Dawn in the farm fields all around them. It’s where he gets his nickname from

Hyrule’s friends in high school were Bot, Error, and Bagu

[lets-try-some-writing]

Sorry I can’t be emotionally vulnerable with you it’d ruin the mystery. - Unicron to Earth and Moon probably

Unicron has some issues with connection. Unlike the mythology of Cybertron and its portrayals of Unicron, the Unmaker loves his brother more than anything else. He looked up to Primus and wanted to be just like him. He wanted to create things of glory, but all he could do was unravel things that Primus made. It hurt him to know he could never make things as his brother did, but Primus was there to comfort him all the same. They travelled the stars, bound in brotherhood as though they were still one entity.

The only reason he turned against Primus was because he wanted Primus to stop. Primus always intended to create and then allow his frame to be used as a home for his offspring. Unicron was terrified of that plan. At that point, both Unicron and Primus had witnessed civilizations rise and fall, the first races to spread across the stars brought low by their own arrogance. Unicron was terrified that he would lose his brother to the whims and feeble sparks of mortals incapable of seeing what they were gifted.

In his mind, his brother's life was far more valuable than the lives of millions of ungrateful parasites. And it was because of his view that their battle began. At first it was for Primus's sake that Unicron fought. But as time passed, it became personal in a new way. Cuts and scars draped across their frames as they tore at each other, and eventually, both their ideals were lost. Primus came to see Unicron as a threat to all of creation, and thus sought to adhere to the greater good rather than his personal desires in attempting to destroy his twin. Unicron who once tried to free his brother from the threat of creation now saw Primus as a slave to his coding.

Primus fought for the safety of all creation, unwilling to risk it for the sake of his brother regardless of the pain it caused. Unicron battled to ensure that creation would remain free of his brother and his dogged devotion to his plans. And as we all know, Primus came out on top of that conflict, only serving to make Unicron bitter and enraged. Love festered and turned into hatred. The brother Unicron knew was long dead to him now. The thing that called itself Primus was merely a shell left behind.

Unicron hated Earth and Moon too. He tried so very hard to hate them. But as time passed, he looked at them and saw a bond similar to the one he shared with his brother. Devotion and understanding. Creation and destruction embodied. Two beings of different alignments. Earth was a chaotic creature born to give life. Moon was an entity made of starlight but forged to guard and battle. It was difficult for Unicron to try and keep himself from getting attached. After all, one cycle he would need to kill his unwanted daughter in order to return to his mission of destroying Primus. And in killing her, he would have to slaughter Moon as well.

It was his truth. He tried to keep hating them, if only to make things easier for himself. But time and their eternal presence wore on him. Outwardly he told them he despised them. And yet, as millennia passed and more of Primus's spawn came to him, he came to understand his brother more and more.

Primus lost his way, but Unicron now understood the love that drove his brother to cast him off. The love of a father for his child... it was more than the Unmaker could bear if he dared think on it. No, it was far easier to bury that love deep and continue to pretend to hate them. Maybe if he pretended, it would become real.

Earth: Father, I love you. You know that right?

Unicron: You were born against my will from my blood and ashes.

Earth: I'm sorry that's how I was conceived. I know you didn't really want me... but I am thankful you haven't killed me yet.

Unicron: You believe I would smite you?

Earth: Father, I've inherited many of your memories and thoughts. I know you desire freedom, and so all I ask is that you wait until my children can flee to the stars before you end me.

Unicron: Young one...

Earth: It's alright father. Everything has an end, and I am no different. If anything, I am glad that my eventual death shall come from the one who made me. It is fitting.

He can't afford to love. Loving hurts. Loving Earth means one day letting her go. Unicron does not like to think about such things.

Moon: Thank you for caring for Earth. As much as I hate to say it, you've treated her well so far.

Unicron: Begone Primus spawn.

Moon: You know you love me, my dear rival.

Unicron: If I had the power, I would combust you with thoughts alone.

Moon: I'm sure you would buddy.

Moon is a pest, but it is hard not to grow attached to the bug in the corner of your room after a while.

[many-but-one]

hello! i am a minor who has DID and figured out that i am a ramcoa survivor. i just want to ask: does it get better? i saw that you post recovery stories about healing from ramcoa and they have inspired me, however eventually living with total access to the memories is daunting to think about. so like, does it actually get better? will i be able to make peace with the higher ups and my system?

have a lovely day btw :)

Yes, it does get better!

The access to memories and integration is incredibly daunting. As a part who once knew absolutely nothing (I was once the ANP “non knowing host part”) I now have immense access to an immense amount of memories that have been integrated over the time we have been healing and processing our horrific traumas.

I’m still very emotionally disconnected from these memories. Some of them have been integrated into collective memory via flashbacks, and others have been integrated because parts have processed their memories, and others have been integrated via memory sharing as amnesia barriers began to lower between us and we improved system communication and cooperation.

With improving communication and cooperation came horrible memories, that’s just part of it. I used to freak the absolute fuck out every time I learned something new and awful. Now, it’s something I’m fairly used to. I’m rarely surprised by anything anymore. Moreso I feel incredible anguish and grief for what my parts went through for me and other lesser knowing parts to be able to go on with everyday life. I grieve knowing we experienced immense betrayal from people we trusted. That’s far more difficult than the memories, in my opinion. But then again, I’m still fairly emotionally disconnected. When I get access to emotions attached to the memories, it bodies the fuck out of me.

However, working on processing those memories and the emotions associated with them has made this process easier.

I will not lie. Healing from all of this is the second hardest thing we’ve ever done—the hardest thing was surviving it in the first place. The good thing is, the hardest part (surviving) is out of the way. Now we get to heal. It’s hard, but it’s so worth it. Parts of my life that I was extremely avoidant and averse to (like being close with friends, experiencing romantic/platonic/sexual intimacy) is finally possible.

Perhaps TMI, but us being able to take back our body and experience sexual freedom without programs running the show is such an incredible experience. I would have never been able to do that if I hadn’t healed so much and I didn’t have an incredibly patient partner willing to understand our situation and work with us to be able to heal and experience this freedom. This extends to the freedom to trust and experience romantic and platonic love and intimacy too. We were incredibly avoidant of these things prior to us starting our healing journey. Now, here we are! It’s a beautiful thing.

My advice to you, one of the most important tools in my healing tool box is Hope. Something my therapist used to say when I felt my hope waning was “I have enough hope for the both of us. I’ll carry your hope for you, I’m able to hold this for you until you can hold it yourself” and we used to pass hope back and forth like a hot potato. But I always knew she held out hope for me. Knowing someone held that hope for my healing and a future free of these burdens helped me eventually learn to carry my hope for myself. I’m also now strong enough to hold hope for others in their healing journey, and support them as best I can.

It will get better. It will be hard, but it’s worth it.

Take care, OP.

-Many

[silvercandle-yuri]

PINNED BECAUSE im gonna explode

um… hai. I got by any TPC characters name.. but i prefer Lyth/Lythorus or Cube.

my pronouns r they/it/he with a heavy it/its pref

I’m AuDHD with OCD and generalized anxiety disorder ! PTSD too 3: please b careful with what u speak around me ,, also, tonetags r very appreciated !

my current interests (bold n italic is big hyperfix, bold is hyperfix and italic is hust interests i have):

Inanimate Insanity

Just Shapes And Beats

The Pink Corruption

Steven Universe

Rise Of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

MILGRAM

Storybots

Puerto Papel

Piggy

I’m a Cube n Cubic fictionkin, Gold too, please expect me calling Pyrare something as a “father” or call any hero a “sibling”. Same with me calling Lythorus a “best friend/boyfriend” because, even if i know im not the characters irl, i still hold memories of them.

I also have this one thing that makes me say “everyshape, anyshape, someshape”, etc,, sorry !

IM ALSO A VERY (IN)SANE FLOWERPOWER SHIPPER.. if you say they’re adoptive brothers PLEASE DNI. I’m their n1 fan.

BEFORE YOU FOLLOW

- I do kms jokes a lot so please tell me if that makes you uncomfy

- I spam reply on twitter or discord whenever my interests are mentioned, please, tell me if it’s annoying.

- My ADHD makes it extremely difficult to concentrate so if you had an art request, please be aware that it might take days to be finished.

- I’m a minor, but I’m over 11, I swear.

- Pretty normal about Lythorus.

- I am very emotionally attached to Cherries, Silver Spoon, Candle and Yin-Yang from Inanimate Insanity, I strongly believe I am their #1 fan, I’m very sorry for this.

DO NOT INTERACT

- basic DNI criteria

- cube x blixer shippers, cube x cubic too

- Flowerpower active hater , sorry not sorry but that’s my favorite ship right there !!!!

- Actively hates any of my interests

- neutral or pro-israel.

- against self-diagnosis and neopronouns

- below 10 and over 25.

- sexualizes cube

- mireitouyamaanimations supporter.

- CabYang, CandleYang, SilverYang, Yin x Yang, KnifeYang and MePhone4 x Yin-Yang shippers. PLEASE.

ANYWAYS THATS IT !

feel free to add me on other socials ^_^

discord: yinyangtism

twitter: MustBeNeeded

youtube: silvercandle-iii

tiktok: _silvercandle

instagram: yinyangtism

wattpad: inactive acc, no user will be mentioned.

[rebornofstars]

what's your favorite piece of fic you've written? (also hi bee!! how are you doing!!)

hi sam!! i am doing . :/ just back from an audition in which i sang about as well as a steaming pile of horse poop. so.

my favourite piece of fic? hmmm. i'm emotionally attached enough to this bit from in the manner that people used to dance that i recorded myself reading it aloud:

“I love you,” Link tells her. His face will fade in her memory before long. But that is okay. She will know him in the singing rocks and the moon sinking, just as she always has. Nothing has shocked her today. To remember him is to remember that she still breathes—even if she no longer needs to.

but that's probably not my favourite. i'm very proud of the opening scene in the primordials, which starts like this:

The path that leads him into the woods is paved in smooth stone, dark like the earth after rain. Link walks with the clink of golden armour and there is nobody around to hear it. Folk in these parts know better than to follow roads that stay pretty without being tended. Bandits swarm in the dusty by-lanes, but better to have coin stolen and barns raided than to chance the gaping maw of the trees. People have mercy. Forests don’t. He walks into the mist. The road winds around in circles, then peters out, slowly, like a river reaching the sea. His boots sink into grass that brushes his knees. He can feel eyes on his spine.

both about time linked universe, LMAO. there's poetry somewhere in that. i also still enjoy some of the prose in reincarnate (adjective): born again, which is unusual for me with a fic more than a month old, and then there is King of Hyrule (gore tw), the concept of which i am still enamoured by.

this is a great question and it has made me doubt my perception of myself, so congratulations! i have discovered that it's actually really difficult to choose just a piece of something because that means i have to lift it out of context, and then it means less. for instance, i can't really pick a paragraph from reincarnate, because none of the ideas matter that much until they are reinforced at other locations in the fic. idk. anyway, this was a delight, thank you 💛

[cliozaur]

You know what? Marius is quite an unusual character. We're deep into the fourth book of the tome called "Marius," but we still have no idea about his appearance! Hugo was usually quick in describing main characters, yet it will take him another two books before revealing some details about Marius. I wonder why.

I am surprised that it took Marius A FEW DAYS to become friends with Courfeyrac! After his miraculous rescue and adoption, he could have instantly become Courfeyrac's friend. The boy obviously has trust issues. I like how Courfeyrac served as a smooth entry point for Marius into the wider circle of Les Amis. A political stance is the criterion for belonging or potential belonging. It seems that Marius, with his "democrat-Bonapartist" position, was not beyond hope in his friend's opinion. It was worth trying to give him "entry to the revolution." In case anyone has forgotten, Les Amis are a secret society, as Hugo reminds us when Courfeyrac presents Marius as "a pupil," the initial grade in every secret society.

Marius is like plasticine in his political persuasions! He keeps changing them under the influence of people he perceives as having authority: first, his grandfather, then his father (though in this case, Marius had to educate himself), and now his new friends. And he suspects that this might not be the end. Knowing how hard he worked to adopt his previous Bonapartist persuasions (for once, "he had supposed himself fixed"), I think it's not easy for him to give them up entirely. Especially given that he was emotionally attached to them through commemorating his father's memory. The way Marius reacts to Les Amis' attitude towards "the Emperor" at the end of the chapter reveals how uneasy he still feels about it.

Hugo is very good immersing the reader in what's going on in Marius' head as he listens to the group's conversations and discussions. They are so different from what he was accustomed to in his childhood! Unlike the royalists, Les Amis do not have “consecrated things” (probably, they do – I’m sure that liberty and republic are quite “consecrated” for them). Marius' mind is "embarrassed," struggling to grasp every single issue they discuss because of their variety, and the boy still lacks “a proper perspective”, and at times it feels like a chaos, but he is trying to do his best (as “a pupil” should). However, I am not sure if it’s a painless process for him: “He almost suffered from it.”

I am certain that most of the modern readers feel as lost as Marius when Bahorel and Combeferre dispute about theatre censure and canards.

Rousseau with his lousy and unpractical pedagogical ideas and inability to take care of his own children – is one more topic of discussion. But, of course, as the most passionate defender of republic, he is still a hero for Enjolras!

[thatiranianphantom]

No, but it really is going to be okay, a rambly Nancy Drew/Nace meta

I'm just closing my eyes and picturing this:

I feel like you can sum up my thoughts on 412 as this:

But should you be in the mood for a brain dump (hopefully a reassuring one?), click that cut, my friend.

Okay, let's get some disclaimers out of the way to begin with.

I only read the subtitles, and watched certain parts, didn't see the entire episode. So there could very well be nuance here that I am missing.

I, too, am frustrated with how this season has shook out. Being disappointed that they are literally leaving things to the finale is valid. I would never have done the season like this given the chance. And being let down by that is okay! Goddamn, there was a lot of lobster boy in this season, and they, as of now, inexplicably expected the viewers to be emotionally invested in him?

I could end up being the world's biggest clown, and be 100% wrong on everything, or again, there is nuance here I didn't see or consider, leading to me being wrong. I am accepting that as a real possibility.

HOWEVER,

Here is what (to my understanding) the show would like me to believe:

Due to something maybe involving the pickled curse, Ace had to choose to save Captain Thom or the captain Alice, and he saved Thom but couldn't save Alice. Captain Thom and Ace are alive and do not remember, and yet Alice is still dead.

Ace was riddled with guilt and called Nancy, who on her own, erased this, mooting the conversation we saw in 408. This only erased the memory of the sin, not the sin itself. Nancy didn't undo the sin, she just erased the memory. We know this, because Alice is still dead.

Ace and Nancy are no different in 408 than they were in 409, the only thing that changed is the events of the night of 408, which they do not remember, thus it wouldn't have altered their behaviour.

George, Nick, Bess and all of the crew were unaffected, memories and behaviour wise, by anything that happened. There is nothing supernatural coming between Ace and Bess, nothing that is making Nick push Nancy towards Tristan, nothing that is making Bess and George particularly close.

The Nancy of 409-411, the one who referred to Ace as a "relationship" and her "ex", is no different from the Nancy of before 408, who was pining hard over Ace. Again, the only thing that changed, neither of them remembered.

Ace and Nancy are cold and bitter to each other in a way they've never been in 4 seasons. He didn't want her at the Seder, so much to the point that Bess panics when she shows up, despite inviting both her dads and her dad's girlfriend. And yet that relationship, which, again, is portrayed quite differently in 409-411 than before, is enough for Nancy to abandon the entirety of her morals and belief system to save and protect Ace. Instantly.

Nancy and Ace have some memory of being something to each other, enough for them to acknowledge them both not having moved on, but the actual interactions they are referring to are and have been extremely vague since 409.

Ace, the person who knows Nancy better than anyone, is attached enough to a ghost that he will yell at Nancy repeatedly and ask her why she has to solve something. A ghost he met what was canonically probably no more than a few days ago.

Tristan, who has been in 5 episodes, and the ghost, who has been in 3, are just as significant as love interests as the 4-season buildup to Nace.

George is moving away from Horseshoe Bay, and completely supports Nick's relationship with Jade (this one may be real, but my Fanson heart doesn't want it to be).

Very little from early on in the season connects to later in the season in a significant way.

The connection Nancy and Tristan have (a relationship 5 episodes in the making) is stronger than the connection she feels to Ace (a relationship 4 seasons in the making).

Look. LOOK. Look.

Maybe some of this is true. Maybe indeed, Nancy and Ace have truly just moved on, they are different people, they are interested in different people. Maybe platanchors can't platanchor forever, and they truly did intend to do away with 4 seasons of character development (How very HIMYM of them).

But in Nancy Drew, a show that nearly always lays out its mysteries with explicit, agonizing detail, and centers itself around the fundamental concept of love being the most powerful thing in the world, capable of spanning time and space, that is a lot to ask me to swallow at face value. All of this together makes very little sense, given what we've seen, not only in the past season but the past year.

And these are a few things that I find, at best, extremely fishy about the whole affair.

Why hasn't Nace or anyone mentioned the curse since 407? Nick is pushing Nancy to Tristan despite having a despondent Ace grieving over Nancy at his doorstep two episodes ago?

How am I expected to buy that between 408 and 409, Nancy and Ace just up and moved on, decided they were nothing to each other, and jumped right in with their whole asses to their love interests, if the sin that was erased only changed the events of one night, which until now, neither remember (and Ace still doesn't). The fights also really seemed to show that what they remember and what we, the audience, saw, is fundamentally different.

The mystery seems so lackluster. I don't know how to explain it except that the writing on the mystery seems so lazy in a way it never has before, unless there was a twist that upends the entire thing that they've been laying hints for this entire time. I believe we still don't know what started the fire in the first place. We know that in order for the Sin Eater to erase a sin, you have to pay a toll. What if the toll was Nancy and Ace forgetting what they were and Nancy being bound to the Sin Eater? That would explain both the forgetting and the connection with Tristan. We still don't know what Chief Lovett and Nashua's connections are. Via Kennedy, we still don't know Tristan's full importance.

The ND writers are very well aware of what the fandom wants. They are extremely interactive with the fandom. The writers are still talking to the fandom. I just have so much trouble envisioning a scenario where they essentially say "lol just kidding on that nace thing, enjoy the chronicles of nancy and lobster boy" in the penultimate episode, unless there is a twist we weren't expecting that brings the whole thing back to Nace.

Openly admitting this is thinner and more subjective, but I feel like Kennedy has been about as reassuring as she is allowed to be, the writers have been tweeting things like "there is nothing to be afraid of", and this episode has been described as setting the bases for 413's home run (or something to that effect, I don't sportsball).

It almost seems like they want us to take this at face value, to set it up for the Nace twist at the end. ND loves its ending twists.

And all of this (so close to shutting up I promise) brings me to the 413 description.

Few things here. While it is possible that Nancy figuring out the sin she erased was the "most shocking discovery yet" I have some...pretty severe doubts. And if it wasn't, we haven't gotten to that revelation yet. And we know based on this description that this revelation has something to do with Ace. Again, it is possible that this is Nancy finding out about her sin, but it almost feels like that's been dealt with in 412? Are they going to...rehash it again in 413? I doubt it. This lends a lot of credence to my theory that there is a twist yet to be had. One that will bring us epically back around to Nace.

Now, could I be wrong about all of this? Maybe. I haven't seen the finale, I am but a clown on the internet. And again it is valid to be disappointed in the way the show has chosen to approach this. I do think there is a conversation to be had about the somewhat aggressive way we consume media, especially when given access to artists via social media, but that is an entirely separate conversation. But do I think Nace is over and done for good and we should just give up now? All I can say is

[phantom-of-the-ruckus]

So....

ok, after seeing some old posts. Legit embarrassment came over me for my cringe teenage years in DA. I personally feel conflicted mostly about the reactions, but let me make some things clear once that i was finally more in a more stable set of mind.

I am not upset or anything, I am just well nervous mostly and utterly embarrassed hahaha

TW: mentions of abuse, TW: trauma, and TW: mention of past S/A

ummm pls don't be mad. Legit bringing this makes me anxious and i deeply apologize for my harsh behavior (if there was), i was a traumatized teen and def not prepared to fandoms like i am now. I am an adult now, and far more matured than now. I understand the conflicted feelings. Furthermore, I am not the same person

Ok, first things first. If there was some cringe infamous EOA Saga in DA, that was my cringe teenager self. Yes, it was made by a teenager, which explains a lot. I don't think i ever fully disclosed (when my DA was active. I deactivated due to the new policies and i kinda just abandoned it) that during the EOA era I was a full on minor.

Furthermore, I was pretty immature and stuff, but also the fics and Shuriki were my way of coping from a former toxic-parent, bullying, and past SA (not exactly the R word, but it was a bit of abuse) which left me emotionally disturbed. Besides, I mostly wrote for myself and my friends. I wasn't fully emotionally matured as I am now today, and legit the fanfics were just a way to cope and just escape.

I know that throughout the characters, i chose freaking Shuriki to be the one to be attached to and cope, but I guess it was the fact that we knew so little about her, that it helped me self-project, but also become an odd comfort (which she still is my comfort character who i adore to explore her most vile and human side. Furthermore, I don't self project any more haha) and well she did help me cope and heal in my own way (which explains why i see her differently)

My reactions were immature as I was a young in a slowly developing internet, and i was more emotional than i am now.

Let alone, I was heavily depressed and constantly dealing with solitude and so much stress, specially in the early years after a direct S/A (mostly harassment) and hypersexuality due to the S/A (which it can really be reflected on those fics if you were able to read them)

I didn't know how to fully express myself, due to sadly being mostly conditioned to hie my emotions and during that time I was in denial of the S/A that happened. I of course didn't act the best, but i am glad i can have second chances and better opportunities.

This is not an excuse, but just rather explaining my behavior. I wasn't emotional ready back then, and ngl being in the fandom heavily intimidated me as I am very socially awkward and shy.

Regarding how I feel about her ship and Esteriki in general. I'll be honest. I don't know how to feel truly. Its both a mix of awkward, funny, not so good memories, but nonetheless it was part of my teenage development which I didn't expect that it would be known and accidentally make a ship that haunted this fandom for years (sorry for the jumpscare, the internet was young, and so I was) but I am thankful that I got to meet long time friends, and grow as a writer and a person.

Do I still ship it? I dunno, my opinions changed, and so my views of their dynamic in cannon and fannon. Would I still do it? I dunno tbh as my fixations had changed.

I am thankful people simply ignored me, and hopefully assumed correctly, back then I was a teenager. I am well aware I'll prop won't be unblocked b, butt's fine. Legit, I think i am far better and finally mature enough to give a full on explanation.

[hayleythecannibal]

Twisted Minds: Act II- Chapter Fifteen

TW: Crime scenes, Gore, Crying, Implied Death, Malpractice, Lying, Realization, Flashbacks, suspicion, Murder

Warning this is Fem!reader. You can also find this on Wattpad and A03 under the name @HayleyMarieOfficial. Comment if you want to be added to the taglist.

Taglist: @punkin-time @miaowkitty @gabriella-aesthetic @urlocalfanficwriter @dilfdemolisher

Twisted Minds Masterlist

BSHCI - THERAPY HALL - DAY-

��I've lost the plot. I'm the unreliable narrator of my own story.” Will sits across from HANNIBAL and DR.Y/N L/N, who stand behind a white line on the stone floor. Despite the defiance  Will showed Hannibal when he last visited, he is more civil. He appears wrung-out. Haunted. “I'm trying to place myself somewhere in the frame of my mind and I have no bearings. No landmarks to tell me who I am.”

“You have an incomplete self. We are who we are in the now and we are the sum of our memories. There are pieces of you... you can't see.” I say gently, Will chews on his words before muttering: “I'm afraid to see. I don't know who I am anymore and I'm afraid.” 

“Without remembering, you're seized by something imagined. It has the brilliant immediacy of a childhood fantasy and is just as real.” Hannibal says, Will hangs his head, trying to contain his emotions. “I don't know what's worse. Believing I did it or believing you did it... and did this to me.” He finally glances up at Hannibal, eyes brimming. I look at Will with a soft sad expression. I have to keep the act that i believe Hannibal is innocent in all of this.  But its hard when you know the person you care about most is hurting.

Reminds me of when i was young….Mother always said i was the little butterfly who knew too much. Thinking back to where and who i am now versus what i did and who i was then is deafening. Not because i was a teenager, because quite frankly i was a very emotionally and mentally mature person back then. But Because of my actions. I would’ve done anything to protect my Mother before i knew what she was really doing. Maybe thats why I grew attached to Abigail Hobbs….Because she reminded me of well Me. 

“Hannibal's not responsible, Will. And neither are you. We have to get to the truth of what happened. It's the only way you can move forward.” I lie, Hannibal is at Fault but will he ever admit it to anyone other than me and Will, Highly Unlikely.. Will forces himself to confront despite overwhelming emotion. “I felt so betrayed by you. All that felt real to me was the betrayal. I trusted you. I needed to trust you.” Will says to Hannibal, if i was him- lets not even go there. “You can trust me.” Hannibal says With earnest. Will winces, feeling the burn of wanting to believe Hannibal. “I'm... very confused.”

“Of course you are. Ideas and perceived experiences have the same effect on our minds as tossing a rock into a pond. It all ripples. Just dont throw the rock at the glass house of our hearts. It will shatter.” I say softly,  my voice barely audible. “Don't trust blindly.” Will nods slowly, understanding my words. He stands up and walks away, leaving Hannibal alone with his thoughts. “Let us help you, Will. Let me help you.” Will clenches, holding his feelings at bay as he admits: “I need your help.” 

He's finally overcome with the emotion and can no longer hold back the tears now running down his cheeks. I watch helplessly, desperate to make him feel better, deperate to hold him. But Hannibal, Hannibal watches curiously...

BSHCI - CELL BLOCK - DAY-

Will is led in shackles down the long corridor by a GUARD and a NURSE. Will's head is hung low, clearly still emotional from the confessional meeting with Hannibal and Y/N.

BSHCI - WILL GRAHAM'S CELL - DAY-

The door CLANGS shut and the guard and nurse step away. Will weeping quietly as the guard's

footsteps recede down the hall and end with a CLOSED DOOR. Once alone, Will's weeping ceases almost immediately. His face going cold and calculating... a game is afoot. And Y/Nis his player….

HANNIBAL LECTER'S OFFICE - WAITING ROOM - DAY-

BEDELIA DU MAURIER lost in pensive thought as she waits. Finally, Hannibal OPENS the door. “This is a pleasant surprise.” Hannibal says with a soft urprised expression. “May I come in?”

HANNIBAL LECTER'S OFFICE - DAY-

Dr. Du Maurier ENTERS, followed by Hannibal. She takes in the space. She smiles faintly, something clearly on her mind. “Please. Sit.” She doesn't. “I won't be staying long.”

“I'm curious. What couldn't wait until our next session?” Hannibal says as he looks at her with curiosity. “We don't have a next session. I'm no longer your therapist.” Bedelia says bluntly, she knows he can take the hit. Hannibal pauses, an imperceptible wound. “May I ask why?” Hannibal asks with a clenched jaw. “I reached the limit of my efficacy. I don't believe I can help you.”

“Are you giving me a referral?” Hannibal asks wry, “I'm not. I'm just ending our patient - psychiatrist relationship.” Bedelia says, uncomfortable in the postion he has put her in. “You tried to end it before.” Hannibal points out, he studies her carefully. 

“I'm grateful for your persistence with engaging me after my attack. However, in light of all that's

happened with Will Graham, I've begun to question your actions. Particularly, what you might do with Dr. Y/N L/N. And Particularly, your past actions with regards to me. And my attack.” She says calmly and within reason. “Did you share these questions with Jack Crawford?” 

“No. Nor am I going to. I would look just as guilty as you. And perhaps that's what you intended.” Bedelia says with fear softly entering her eyes. Though it might have always been there when it came to Hannibal. “What exactly am I guilty of?” He asks with a slight tilt of the head. “Exactly, I can't say. I had to draw a conclusion from what I glimpse through the stitching of the person suit you wear. And the conclusion I've drawn is... you are dangerous.” She says with trembling confidence. She knew better than to tell anyone what she knew he was capable of. 

“I'm sorry you feel that way.” She studies him one last time, then: “Please don't come to my home again. I'll show myself out.” She moves to the door, opens it. Before she steps through: “I'm resuming Will Graham's therapy.”

“To what end? Besides your own.”

“He asked for my help.”

“Then maybe you deserve each other.” And with that she leaves. 

BAU - MORGUE - DAY-

Roland Umber’s body lies on a slab. BEVERLY speaks across it to JACK CRAWFORD. JIMMY PRICE and BRIAN ZELLER are there. Me and Hannibal are there as well, silent and observing. “His name is Roland Umber. Has the same profile as the other victims. Lived alone, disappeared from home, large dose of heroin in his system.” Jimmy says as Zeller leans forward to see around Hannibal. “Only major difference is the eyelet punctures are all uniformly torn.” Zeller says as he indicates the torn punctures on Roland Umber's body.

 “This victim wasn't unstrung. He was ripped from his moorings.” Jack says with crossed arms, I stand beside Hannibal, calmly gazing at the body.“Whatever his imperfection, it was enough to aggravate the killer into tearing him down.” Hannibal says gazing at the body with curiosity leaking out of the essence of his soul. “He was discarded in a tributary four hundred miles away from anything that feeds into the dam where the first victims were found.” Bev says with slight confusion.

“Like dandelion seeds, casts bodies in every direction but his own.” Leaning forward, Zeller finds Hannibal is in his way again. Hannibal steps back and bumps into Beverly. I lean on the empty morgue fridges with arms crossed. This body is different, I dont think he was an Imperfection at all…

“We know they're dead when they hit the water. Their lungs are dry. But the buffeting in the current causes so many postmortem injuries, you can't tell them apart from the ones they got when they were alive.” Zeller says as Beverly gently guides Hannibal to a more strategic spot.

“There may be trace evidence preserved in the craquelure.” Hannibal points out, i think he likes playing the role of my partner, or more so the role of Will Graham. “The what?” Jack asks confusedly.  Hannibal points to a series of TINY CRACKS IN THE RESIN.

“It's French for the cracks that appear on an oil painting as it drys and becomes rigid with age. Cracks are not always weaknesses. A life lived accrues in the cracks.” I say for Hannibal, polietly dumbing it down. He gazes down upon me with a slight smirk. Like he was proud or amused.

 “Could be something in there. Fiber, debris, might help track where the bodies were before they got dumped.” Jack is still puzzled by:“What do the victims have in common?” Jack asks as Beverly displays the victims' PHOTOGRAPHS on a table. “What if it isn't what they have in common. What if it's what makes them... different.” Bev suggests. 

On the table, the victims’ PHOTOGRAPHS -- and Roland Umber's --are arranged as Will and I did to feature the victims as --“Each of these people has a slightly different flesh tone. It could be like a color palette.” Bev says, it causes me to smirk.  I know where she’s going, i with the confirmation of Will, created the fucking theory  Jack, Jimmy and Brian stare at Beverly, not sure where she's going. But Hannibal is. He nods, thinking.

“The color of our skin is so often politicized, it would almost be refreshing to see someone revel in the aesthetic for aesthetic's sake. If it weren't so horrific, We're supposed to see color, Jack.

That may be all this killer has ever seen in his fellow man. Which is why it's so easy for him to do what he does to his victims.” Hannibal says, “Which is why there will be a lot more bodies on his color palette.”

“A fascinating insight, Ms. Katz. It's as if Will Graham himself were here in the room with us.”

Jack turns his scrutiny from the photos to Beverly herself. “Yes, it is.”

BAU - EVIDENCE PROCESSING - NIGHT-

Hannibal stands over Roland Umber's body. At the back of the room, Price and Zeller are busy at work. Hannibal swings a metal arm holding a magnifying lens and asks: “May I?”

“Knock yourself out.” Zeller shrugs. His eyes drift back to the CRACKS IN THE RESIN-COATED SKIN. A notion floats behind his eyes and takes purchase. He leans in and very inconspicuously SMELLS the craquelure on the corpse’s wrist without drawing anyone's attention. His nostrils flare as he draws its scent. The craquelure is almost as if an alien landscape. Suddenly, the chemical compounds that create the scent become VISIBLE, forming TINY SPROUTS in the

cracks of the resin that begin to grow.

Hannibal stands upright after being bent over the body, looking through the magnifying lens. He considers the craquelure of the corpse and smiles almost imperceptibly

BSHCI - THERAPY HALL - DAY-

the THERAPY CAGES to find Hannibal running his shoe over the line of tape on the floor. Will sits on a stool in the belly of his own therapy cage. He has resumed his act of wounded bird and it remains authentic. “I've been advised to stay on this side of the white line.” Hannibal says with slight amusement. “Select patients have taken to urinating on the therapists. The stone you’re standing in front of? If it were wood, it’d be warped.” Will says with amusement in his own eyes. 

“I would argue, drawing a line might encourage a pissing contest.” Hannibal suggests with a soft smirk. “I'm not interested in a pissing contest with you, Dr. Lecter. Please. Pull up your chair.”

Hannibal scoots his chair across the white line and sits.

“You said the light from friendship won't reach us for a million years, that's how far away we were. I hope our friendship feels closer today.” Hannibal says gazing up at the Caged Will Graham.  “Friends have a symmetrical relationship. Psychiatrist and patient, that's unbalanced.” Will says, The power imbalance is something to always take note of when dealing with Dr. Hannibal Lecter. “There is a power differential between psychiatrist and patient. One that I'm well aware of, particularly with my own therapist.” Hannibal points out. 

“But we're just having conversations.” Hannibal smiles, seeing a glimpse of the old Will Graham.

“You threatened me with a reckoning.” Hannibal says, remembering the day Will Graham changed. “I did. I can't claim unconsciousness on that one.” Will says with a quick raise of the eyebrow. “You were searching for something in your head to incriminate me. I can only assume you didn't find it.” Hannibal says inquiring, but i don't think he really thinks Will could find anything at all. “Not much in there I recognize.”

“Whatever you remember, if you do remember, will be a distortion of reality. Not the truth of events.” Hannibal says, Will could almost laugh at it. “I'm realizing that.” Hannibal studies Will, inscrutable as to what he sees. “Beverly Katz has come to see you.” Hannibal questions with curiosity. “Yes.” Will doesn't say anything about Y/N because he wants her to be the least suspicious person at the BAU. 

”Does she show you pictures?”

“Yes.”

“Wouldn't want Y/N to worry you're dwelling on anything morbid in what's to be a time of recovery.” Hannibal says, almost guilt tripping Will. “It's the only thing that feels normal.” Will admits truthfully. “The violence?” Hannibal asks with a slight tilt of the head. 

“The structure of understanding the violence. That feels normal.” Will says his cold gaze never leaving Hannibals. “You're missing pieces of yourself. Careful what you replace them with. What did you see in the pictures?” Hannibal advises. “This killer. He's not stringing his victims up. He's stitching them together. Every body is a brushstroke. He's making a human Mural. But Y/Nalso saw the same thing probably even more.”

“Why does he do it?”

“Y/Nsaid He's missing pieces, too.”

BSHCI - WILL GRAHAM’S CELL - DAY-

Y/N and Beverly stand on the other side of the bars, holding an abridged file of photographs and forensic data. “Dr. Lecter has advised me against dwelling on anything morbid.” Will says with sarcasm, I roll my eyes and continue towards the bars. “I know you want to stop these  murders as much as we do.” Bev says to Will.“Reasons to stop multiple murders do occur readily to me, but I'm going to need something in  return.” Beverly stares at Will, curious what game he's playing.

“There are things you don't have. I can talk to the chief of staff.” Bev says thinking Will needs something materialistic. “Chilton?” Will asks with a raised eyebrow. “He's being very cooperative.” Bev says, boy if she only knew What Chilton really acts like whewwww….

“Of course he is. He loves when I have visitors. He's recording every word. He's gossipy that way.” Will says with obvious annoyance towards Chilton. “He’s always been that way. What do you want, Will?” I ask  Equally annoyed with the overly flirty and obnoxious Psychiatrist. “I'm wondering if you can get me the thing I really want.” Will says with curiosity “Try Me.” Beverly says confidently.  “I want you to ignore all the evidence against me.” “You're right. I can't get that.”

“How many more colors is this killer going to add to his box of crayons?”

“Say I were to ignore the evidence against you, what then?” Beverly asks calmly, “Strike it from your mental record. Start over. If I'm guilty, you'll find more evidence. If I'm not guilty, maybe you'll find that too.” Will says as he leans closer to the bars of his cell. “All right. I'll keep looking.”

“Good. Let me have the file then. I'll tell you what I think.” Beverly puts the file in a tray, slides it through the bars. “Do you mind if I do this privately?” “Yes.” She places the folding chair against the opposite wall, sits.

He rips the envelope open, leaving torn edges where the staples were. He shakes BAU PHOTOS out of a padded envelope. Shots of Roland Umber at BAU. Will glances at Beverly

through the bars and returns his attention to the pictures. Will focuses on the photos and he CLOSES HIS EYES. A long beat before the AMBIENT CELL BLOCK SOUNDS are replaced

as the DRONE of Will’s BLOOD FLOW presides. He OPENS HIS EYES, glancing down at the himphoto in his hands, of Roland Umber's wounds. He lowers the photo to reveal Y/Non a metal table. We are --

BAU - MORGUE (HEIGHTENED STATE OF WILL'S MIND)

The environment is wrapped in shadow and mood. Will now stands over Caroline’s corpse on a metal table, Beverly behind him on the other side of the glass wall. Will stares at the RAGGED WOUNDS WHERE FLESH TORE AWAY FROM STITCHING. “Skin isn't as discolored as the other victims'. Looks fairly well- preserved, all things considered. Why would I throw you away?”

 BSHCI - WILL GRAHAM'S CELL (OMNISCIENT POV)

WILL’S GAZE to the ENVELOPE the photos came in. Its end had been STAPLED SHUT, but when it was opened and where the staples were removed, THE PAPER IS TORN. “Did Roland Umber have any priors with substance abuse?” Beverly watches Will standing in the middle of his cell, as if he's in the BAU, his back to her in the corridor. “He was in an outpatient treatment program for drug addiction.”

“Heroin?”

“Among others.”

BAU - (HEIGHTENED STATE OF HIS MIND)

Will studies poor Caroline, dead on the slab. What a cruel trick his mind is playing on him.

“Had a high tolerance for opiates, the overdose didn't kill him. He survived what was done to . He tore himself free. He ran.”

BSHCI - WILL GRAHAM'S CELL - DAY

Will finally turns to face Beverly and Y/N. “How did he end up in the water?” Bev asks Will, but i already knew the answer. “Killer didn't put him there. He'd have put him back in the mural if he caught him. Other bodies were dumped. Roland Umber got away.” I say as i look to Will. “Got away from where?”

“This killer needs someplace private to do what he does. A warehouse, a farm, someplace abandoned, upstream from where the body was found. It'll be close to the water.” Will explains, exactly what i was thinking.  “Thank you.”

“I'm curious. What'd Hannibal Lecter have to say about Mr. Umber?” Will asks causing me to softly snort out a chuckle. “He thinks the killer tore him down, dumped his body like the others.” I smirk and look at Will, knowing that we both know thats not necessarily what he thinks. “That may be what he said, but not necessarily what he thinks.” Will says basically reading my mind. 

FARMYARD - GRAIN SILO - DUSK-

A GRAIN SILO looms behind, a royal sentry in a bearskin hat. Hannibal, his CLEAR PLASTIC SUIT over his traditional three- piece, crosses the property. He walks along the field of corn, toward the grain silo. He approaches the silo and regards a steep METAL STAIRCASE on

its outer wall, leading to a silo opening twenty feet up. Hannibal sees mud clumped on the lower steps -- STILL MOIST. Hannibal turns his gaze UPWARD from the locked door and begins to climb the metal staircase. Hannibal reaches the upper opening. He steps into the silo’s upper catwalk.

GRAIN SILO - CONTINUOUS-

...the TRUE ORDER in the carnage on the silo floor. SEEN FROM ABOVE, the mass grave reveals its intended form and purpose: The bodies, with their variety of shades and positioning,

form a UNIFIED PICTURE -- the image of a huge, GLOWERING EYE.  A stern, unblinking representation frozen in resin and death. HANNIBAL Sees LIGHT come through the lower opening. A man -- THE KILLER -- enters with a lantern and a resin tank with a spray wand.

“Hello.” From the silo floor and behind the Killer who spins to see Hannibal in his plastic suit, watching from above. HANNIBAL with the utmost sincerity: “I love your work.”

FARMYARD - DAY-

A full-blown crime scene, populated by considerable local and state police presence. FBI PERSONNEL work amongst them. BODY BAGS have been lined up. Each pile flapping in the wind, weighted down with a heavy stone, ready to be filled. BEVERLY AND HANNIBAL approach the silo, navigating around the CRIME SCENE PERSONNEL and between waiting rows of body bags.

“You, Dr. Y/N L/N, and Will Graham are a good team. You gave us the "what" we were looking for. He gave us the "where." Corn dust in the craquelure.” Beverly says earnestly, “And Will's insight? And What does Y/Nbring to the team? “

“He didn't think Roland Umber was discarded. He escaped. We just had to go upstream from where his body was found until we hit corn. And Y/NGives us the Why…Her connection with others’ emotions along with what her and Will do with their imaginations….Shes the Triple threat…She can tell you the what, where, and why.” Beverly says with fondness of Caroline. Though Beverly does think that Y/Nneeds to take a break at some point. 

“We do make a good team.” They approach Jack Crawford near the silo and Beverly hands Hannibal off. Jack hands Hannibal crime scene gloves. “Dr. Lecter. Follow me. Might want

to prepare yourself. You haven't seen anything like this before.”

“I'm sure I haven't.”

GRAIN SILO - DAY-

Jack and Hannibal head inside, MOVING ACROSS the expanse of bodies like dunes of sand made flesh. Hannibal takes in the magnitude of the horrific display. Jack turns to see him staring, genuinely awestruck. “How can being human go so bad?” Jack asks the obviously rhetorical question.“When it comes to nature versus nurture, I choose neither. We are built from a DNA blueprint and born into a world of scenario and circumstance we don't control.” Hannibal Answers.

“Praise the mutilated world.” Jack says grimmly, “I do.” Hannibal glances around, up into the ceiling, wondering: “What does it look like from above?” Jack hands him an iPad. On it, a DIGITAL PHOTOGRAPH reveals the human mural from above. It's very clearly an eye. “Fascinating.”

“This feels ritual. In the vicinity of voodoo. Is it human sacrifice?” Jack asks The stoic Psychiatrist. “I'm not sure if it's an offering, but it's certainly a gesture.” Hannbal says as he gazes at the Image.  “To who?” Turning to the human mural, Hannibal points to the CAUCASIAn MAN in the fetal position at the center of the brown iris, one leg tucked under the other as if it has been amputated at the knee. We will call him the REFLECTED MAN.

“The eye looks beyond this world,into the next, and sees the reflection of man himself. Is the killer looking at God? A challenge of equals? "I can be as terrible as you. I can take and I can create."” Hannibal Inquires, “Sounds like human sacrifice to me.” Jack says with a raised eyebrow. Jacks Mind is very black and white. If there is evidence that proves someone guilty, he doesnt even stop to wonder if there was a possiblity of that person being framed. “Not to appease, but to defy.” Hannibal says as he stares at the mass grave. “Is it an existential crisis?” 

“If it were an existential crisis, I would argue there wouldn't be any reflection in the eye at all.” Hannibal says genuinely, “Someone who could do this... are they likely to keep doing it?” Jack says as he looks at Hannibal. “This could be his beginning and/or his end.”

“You said he doesn't see people. He sees... material.” Jack says as he furrows his brows.“Those in the world around him are a means to an end. He uses them to do what he is driven to do.” Hannibal says inquisitively. 

BAU - MORGUE - NIGHT-

The HUMAN MURAL is an ENLARGED PHOTOGRAPH.  it's mounted on an easel between the bodies of Roland Umber and Reflected Man, side by side on tables. “No record of fingerprints. He was never arrested, never had a job that required any kind of security clearance or background check.” Jimmy says as he looks at  the  VARIOUS BODIES are present in the BAU, not only in the morgue, but in the hall, on tables, gurneys, morgue drawers. “Hopefully he's been to a dentist.” Zeller says as starts to take imprints of the body’s teeth. “Why am I looking at this man?”

“Stitch patterns on John Doe Twenty-One match Roland Umber.” Beverly says as she indicates the lateral stitches on both John Doe Twenty-One and Roland Umber; both travel similar lines. “John Doe Twenty-One was Roland Umber's replacement in the mural?” Jack asks confusedly, “But bigger.” Jimmy says as he indicates the leg, amputated below the knee. “Too big, really. Killer cut off his leg to make him fit.” Jack studies John Doe as Zeller, Price and Katz look on.

“He changed colors mid-brushstroke.”

"The eye looks beyond this world, into the next, and sees the reflection of man himself." There wasn't supposed to be a reflection. “This killer was having an existential crisis after all. How did he find his faith?”

BSHCI - THERAPY HALL - DAY-

Beverly Katz and Hannibal Lecter sit side by side, the personification of good and evil working as one. In the Middle is Y/N, The literal personification of Chaotic Nuetral. Will stares back at them, saying nothing. “Now you're just taking advantage. You're going to burn me out before my trial and then where will I be?” Will says Blankly.  “Can't afford to let you burn yourself out for nothing, but maybe for something?” Bev retorts with a soft smirk.  “What would Jack say?” Will says as he raises an eyebrow. “Jack Crawford's excellent administrative instincts are not often tempered by mercy.” Hannibal expresses with a light smile. 

“Clearly. If you brought him as a psychiatric safety net, I've fallen through that net before. Y/N might be a better fit for that role for me. No offense.” Hannibal nods, none taken. I smirk and contain my laughter. Beverly cuts through Will's BS.

“I'm devoting a lot of time to this mural, Will. It's hard for me to focus on anything else I've been

tasked to do. Could use your help.” Subtle, but perhaps not subtle enough for Hannibal. Beverly

walks the crime scene photos over to Will. Will, getting the drift, begins to flip through the crime

photos, studying each momentarily before moving to the next. I drag my chair closer to Will. 

“During the nineteenth century, it was wrongly believed the last image seen by the eyes of a dying person would be “fixed” on the retina.” As Will finds the overhead photo of the eye. “What would be the last image fixed on this dying eye?” He takes a breath, exhales, He grabs my hand and then closes his eyes. I know what i saw but- i can never be too sure. I close my eyes and squeeze Will’s hand. 

A PENDULUM It swings in the darkness of Y/N’s mind, keeping rhythm with her heartbeat. FWUM. FWUM. Her eyes are closed. FWUM. The PENDULUM is now outside her

head. It swings behind Y/N, wiping away Hannibal, Will, and Beverly. FWUM. The PENDULUM swings and the CORRIDOR outside her cell PLUNGES INTO DARKNESS. FWUM. The PENDULUM swings and the floor under his feet goes completely dark.

The picture of the HUMAN MURAL FILLS FRAME reveals Y/NSTANDING IN DARKNESS. As LIGHT SLOWLY ILLUMINATES THE FLOOR AROUND CAROLINE, REVEALING DOZENS OF CADAVERS. We are --

GRAIN SILO - DAY (Y/N’S POV)- 

Y/N stands amongst the mural of bodies, still holding the photo of the carnage in her hands. FWOOM. The PENDULUM swings and the photo disappears. FWOOM. FWOOM. The PENDULUM STOPS SWINGING, snapping into place as Y/Nsnaps into focus. she turns, taking in the bodies.

“I made you pliable. Molded you. Set you and sealed you where you lay. This is my design. A dead eye with vision and consciousness.” Caroline, a large speck of dust in the eye, stares upward, searching for what the eye sees. What the eyes owner Feels. Hopelessness. Finality. 

“I am fixed and unseeing... unless someone else sees me.” Y/Nglances down at the Reflected Man in the mural. “Someone else has. They were here.”

HANNIBAL - BSHCI - THERAPY HALL (OMNISCIENT POV)-

Hannibal stands with Beverly, watching Y/Nand Will. He smiles an almost-imperceptible 

GRAIN SILO - (Y/N'S POV)-

Y/N steps carefully over the bodies until...“One of these things is not like the other things. One of these things just doesn't belong.” ...she is standing over the Reflected Man. “Who are you? Why are you so different from everyone else? I didn't put you here. You... are not my design.”  Suddenly, a NOISE from above causes Y/Nto look to the ceiling where a SILHOUETTED FIGURE watches from above, his antlers rising majestically into the air.

Y/Nnow lying NAKED, her LEG  MISSING, her body CONFIGURED into the opening in the mural where the Reflected Man once was.

A NEEDLE SUDDENLY PIERCING Caroline’s forearm and pulling THREAD through, drawing the length through. She feels relaxed almost like a pliant material.  She looks from the SUTURES through her arm to the one wielding the needle. The LIGHT SILHOUETTES THE FIGURE... until it SHIFTS and we see it’s HANNIBAL LECTER, eerily comforting. “Killing must feel good to God, too. He does it all the time, and are we not created in His image?” Caroline, immobilized, with a dawning realization...She looks up from the photo. We are now --

BSHCI - THERAPY HALL - DAY. 

Beverly and Hannibal watch Y/Nand Will, waiting for them to draw a conclusion from their process. Y/Ntries to gather herself together, knowing Hannibal is watching her and Will closely. “The killer is in the mural.” Will speaks first, I stare blankly as i push my chair back to its origin. “What do you mean? Literally?” Bev says as her gazes goes from Will to Me. 

“We mean, the man you're looking for has been sewn into his own mural. This man.” I say gently, my hand goes to my hair. A comforting thing ive done since i was a child. My Dad used to play with my hair to comfort me when i was upset or stressed. Something ive taken to doing myself ever since the incident when i was a 16. 

“What happened to his leg?” Bev asks confusedly, “Whoever sewed him in... took a piece of him. As a trophy. Question is, who sewed him in.” Will says as he watches my actions with a worried look in his eyes. “He must have had a friend.”

RIVER - DAY-

Will Graham fly fishing. He casts his lure and watches it land with a small PLIP that breaks the surface of the river. He shades his eyes from the sun, his gaze falling to the water flowing around his waders. A PALE BODY DRIFTS BY just beneath the surface. Will startles as a KLAXON SOUNDS. We are --

BSHCI - WILL GRAHAM'S CELL - DAY-

Will stands in the middle of his cell. Footsteps approach from down the hall and a chair SLIDES on the concrete floor. His eyes follow the action, “I don't know you.” The figure steps into the light revealing Bedelia Du Maurier. She sits across from Will “My name is Bedelia Du Maurier.”

“You're Hannibal Lecter's therapist. What's that like?” She studies him, somehow identifies with him. “I've heard so much about you and Your Partner, I almost feel as though I know you both.” Bedelia says as she gazes at one of the topics of the many conversations shes had with Hannibal. “You don't.” Will says with a wary eye. 

“No, I don't, but I understand you better than I thought. I wanted to meet you before I withdraw.” Bedelia admits, she understands his wariness she herself too is wary of her decisions. “What are you withdrawing from?” Will asks curiosly concerned. “Social ties.” Bedelia says numbly, It wont stop what or whos coming for her but it will slow them down. “You're a psychiatrist. Isn't our sense of self a consequence of social ties?” Will Questions confusedly. 

“It certainly is in your case. It may be small comfort, but I am convinced Hannibal has done what he believes is best for you.” Bedelia says gently, she doesnt just mean What Hannibal has done to Will but What he will do to Caroline. 

“That's not small comfort, that would be no comfort.” Will says with slight sarcasm. “You can transform this experience. The traumatized are unpredictable because we know we can survive. You can survive this happening to you.” Bedelia says with shaky confidence. “Happening to me.” Bedelia steps right up to the bars.

“Step away from the bars. Ma'am, step away from the bars.” GATE KLAXON SOUNDS as a NURSE and GUARD ENTER the cell block. Will Graham joins Bedelia at the barrier of his cell and she whispers so quietly she may be only mouthing the words: “I believe you.”

A nurse and guard approach from down the corridor. “Okay. That's enough. Come with us.”

Will stares at her, a wave of emotion washing over him as Bedelia steps away, gathered by the nurse and a guard and escorted back down the corridor. He begins to tremble. A great relief

having heard three simple words he's needed to hear from someone other than Caroline.

BEDELIA'S HOUSE - FOYER - NIGHT

THE SOUND OF A KEY IN THE DOOR Breaks the quiet. LIGHT SPILLS in as the door opens. Not Bedelia but Hannibal who enters with a key of his own in his GLOVED HAND. The transparent plastic of his bespoke CRIME SCENE OVER-SUIT catches the light of a distant streetlamp. He quietly moves inside, closing the door behind him. THROUGH THE ARCH OF THE LIVING ROOM Hannibal creeps further into the hall and asks the darkness no questions.

 He turns to the living room as  to reveal almost every piece of Bedelia's furniture is beneath a clear plastic cover. All the furniture has been protected against dust for an indefinite period of time. He takes in the shroud over the chairs. He walks the room's periphery, searching for some sign that she isn't truly gone. Hannibal pauses and sees something on Bedelia's chair. A CUT-GLASS PERFUME BOTTLE Hannibal takes in the shadow of Bedelia's fragrance and picks it up, considers it for what it is: a memento of friendship. “You’re not alone, you know…”

GRAIN SILO - DUSK (FLASHBACK)-

The Muralist is lying, unclothed, in his own mural. He is configured into the space from which Roland Umber pulled free. A SHADOW cast by the gas lantern moves over him. HANNIBAL Is in his plastic suit, kneeling, the syringe in hand. “In The Resurrection, Piero della Francesca placed himself in the fresco. Nothing flattering -- he depicted himself as a simple guard asleep at his post. Your placement should be much more meaningful.” The Muralist's face, increasingly complacent, clouds over: “It's not finished.”

“I'm finishing it for you. We'll finish it together.” He trades the hypo for a LARGE CURVED NEEDLE and FILAMENT. Hannibal LICKS the tip to thread latter through the former: “When your great eye looked to the heavens, what did it see?” “Nothing.” Hannibal glances up to the roof of the silo. “Not anymore.” “There is no God.”

“Certainly not with that attitude. God gave you purpose. Not only to create art, but to become it.”

“Why are you doing this to me?”

“Your eye will now see God reflected back. It will see you.” Hannibal leans over and begins SEWING the man down. “When God looks down at you, don't you want to be looking back at Him?” Hannibal sews. Blood flows. And sews. More blood. Then, incredibly: “Yes.” As the narcotic takes hold, his life ebbing away, the Muralist recalls their agreement: “What is it you wanted from me?”

“Only this.” Hannibal stitches the Muralist into his own masterwork, making Will And Y/N’s forecast come to pass. A valentine. And just as Will and Y/N intended.

[multiplicity-positivity]

Hello, i have been questioning if im a system (and if i am it seems to possibly be median/im front stuck) mainly due to my inability to remember events others stated happened or have a weird disconnect from memories i do have (more so grey-outs not black-outs) unless they’re really emotionally attached memories (seeing a movie i liked, going to a theme park, my own birthdays or Christmas) and even then some parts of those memories are ‘blurred’ or ‘missing’.

I cant tell if this could be just my ADHD (given i also forget to do chores I dislike but can easily remember when something im exited about is coming up) forgetting parts or entire memories that i just dislike or have disinterest in. Or….?

(mention of fictional infant death down below!)

I have brought this up with my therapist but i also didn’t have terminology for ‘grey-outs’ when I did, now that I do i feel ill be able to more accurately explain what’s going on in my head. [i also feel i should state I have no experiences of things that seem traumatizing. At worst I (a more sheltered than average person) read a book then watched the movie that contained a scene of a baby being euthanized (it was a book we were reading in school & the teacher showed us the movie, this was middle school) and afterwards had my first panick attack during an allergy shot. And that sent me into a fit of anxiety for about a year, but I’ve been over that for a while & dont know if that classifies as trauma?]

Im still learning about systems and such, and you seem far more educated than me. Please help. 😅

hey, so we’re not an expert at all - just a system trying to share what we know. that being said, having memory issues in and of itself doesn’t really point to plurality to us, necessarily. lots of folks have issues with short or long term memory. brains are really complex and intricate, and plurality/dissociative disorders aren’t the only ways that amnesia can manifest. maybe check out our post on dissociative amnesia for a bit of our experience with this kind of amnesia specifically along with a few resources:

if you’re curious about complex dissociative disorders specifically (which we assume you are due to your mention of trauma), we’d like to say that repeated trauma in childhood is what causes these disorders to form. so witnessing one scary event in and of itself probably wouldn’t cause someone to develop a disorder as serious as did or osdd. it’s the repetition of trauma without an opportunity for the child to escape, process, or be supported which causes something like did to happen.

that being said, it’s very possible to be a system without trauma. lots of folks find that they’re plural without an extensive trauma history. and while many folks are plural without a dissociative disorder, some of them do have a form of plurality that was influenced by trauma, even if they don’t have a dissociative disorder. we’ll link our resource post for questioning systems so you can learn more about a bunch of different kinds of plurality, including dissociative disorders like did:

overall, we’ll reiterate that poor memory alone doesn’t really sound like a dissociative disorder to us, or even plurality as a whole. dissociative disorders come with a host of other debilitating symptoms, and plurality in general involves being multiple, or more than one.

you might have headmates who you just don’t know about. or you might not. ultimately this isn’t something we can answer for you. but hopefully with enough research and self-exploration, you’ll be able to answer this yourself.

sorry if this answer is weird or not quite what you were hoping to hear. we’re wishing you the best of luck with everything though, regardless of whether or not you’re plural.

🐢 kip and 🦇 kandi

[wilsons-striped-ties]

november tc challenge (days 1-30 one shot)

by @faszaakisshobbi

1. what does your tc teach & do they teach you?

history and yeah, from year three to four

2. if you could pick their outfit for the day what would it be?

okay he always wears the same things but i have an attachment to his dark blue dress shirt and dark grey pants sooooo

3. what’s their personality like? ( eg. are they loud or quiet? enthusiastic or fairly reserved? )

he's quiet but able to socialize, and hes really thoughtful and sweet and really enthusiastic in a gentle way when hes passionate

4. are they married? got any kids?

married with three kids :'

5. what’s your favourite memory with them?

im always torn between most of our memories together but i think when i gave him his cupcakes, or maybe during teachers day when we were walking together down to the canteen, we were talking about a rather depressing topic of my college LMAO but it was really nice talking to him in a softer situation, seeing the gentleness in his eyes, it was really comforting talking to him again

6. what was your first impression of them?

that he was scary looking LMAO

7. what’s your favourite thing about them (physically or personality wise)

physically, his dimples or his eyes. personality, his thoughtfulness or his memory, hes always remembering things about me and its really nice because almost no one does that

8. do you have a song that you associate with them? if so, what is it?

maybe secret love song by little mix or dandelions by ruth b, but fundamentally hes super lana coded but i do have a really complicated attachment to him and yellow by coldplay so there's that

9. have you ever had an argument with them? if so, what about?

phew nope

10. are you attracted to them romantically? or platonically?

i think a mix between platonic and romantic, its like a silly crush but still i am deeply attached to him emotionally

11. if they kissed you (and it wasn’t illegal) what would you do?

i would just short circuit

12. do you think they know about your crush?

i dont know, but ive made my favoritism towards him very obvious HAHHA

13. what would be your ideal date with them?

walking around with him and just talking about anything and everything, holding hands and maybe going to a museum with him too

14. do you have any inside jokes? if you feel comfortable sharing, what are they?

nope unfortunately :' but now we do talk about the day i gave him passion fruit cupcakes for his birthday HAHAHA

15. how often do you see them?

almost every time i go back to my high school

16. have you ever cried over your tc? if so, why?

thankfully not with him

17. what did they do their degree in? is it the subject they teach now?

I HAVE NO IDEA but i am dying to know what his degree is

18. do they do any sport? if so, what?

he does play soccer quite well and he runs too, but im not sure how often, he is a huge soccer fan though. he did say he'd drop by to the table tennis club and play with me one day if he's free, but that was last year during my table tennis finals competition so i doubt he remembers but oh wellsss :'

19. what do you think they do in their spare time?

i think he would spend time with his family, he looks like he reads too

20. do you have any photos with them? if so, how did you get them?

YASS i have like at least six and i just ask him for them HAHHA he always gives in to me :'

21. do you plan on staying in contact after you leave?

yess we are still staying in contact-ish? im still going back to my high school and seeing him around and talking to him!

22. what’s your favourite scenario you’ve made up in your head about them?

us just talking about life and holding hands, i dont know why but im really obsessed with holding his hand, it just seems so comforting to me???

23. have you ever seen them outside of school?

NO BUT I WANT TO

24. does anyone else know about your crush? who?

like my sister teases me about it, my junior is done with my bs and that's probably about it? almost everyone knows i favour him but they dont know my obsession i guess

25. what animal do they remind you of?

i used to think a tiger but then i decided agaisnt it and im thinking a mix between a wolf and a fox

26. do you know when their birthday is? would you get them a gift?

YESSS i baked passion fruit cupcakes for him!!

27. how did you realise you were in love with them? was it love at first sight? or gradual?

i think ive always been in love with him, my heart knew but my brain took a regretfully long time to catch up, mistaking it for just curiosity :'

28. do they drink / smoke that you know of?

he probably drinks, probably doesnt smoke but it would be hot if he did both AHAHHAH but oh wells

29. if you could reenact a movie scene with them (from any movie!) what would it be? which character would you be and which would they be?

my brain just popped the proposal into my head, the part where andrew says "marry me, because i'd like to date you" and as a kid it was the most romantic thing ive ever seen or heard but i dont know, i'd love to do a ballroom dancing scene with him, or maybe something from lalaland, he feels like a lalaland coded person I DONT KNOW

30. what’s the weirdest dream you’ve ever had about them?

i have no idea actually, i dont often dream of him

[lloke]

I am a person who tends to get very emotionally attached to physical objects -- mostly things that have nostalgic memories attached to them, favorite toys from my childhood and so forth. I've been like this ever since my second birthday, when I was so attached to the cake that I cried when my mom started cutting it. This was only the first of the many conflicts I've had over the years with my mom, a Marie Kondo type whose favorite hobby is throwing things away and who really does not understand why I would ever want to keep something around that doesn't have any immediate practical use.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm like this because my episodic memory is unusually poor, so if I don't hold onto these mementos I just won't have anything of the past left.  People often think I have a good memory because I can rattle off all sorts of facts about my fandoms or other obsessive interests; but the only reason I remember all that stuff is because I'm so deeply immersed in the topic in question -- I've read it/content about it over and over again, I'm constantly following discussions of it online, etc., which of course makes it stick in my head. But I actually have a very poor memory for things I've only read/watched/experienced once, and I find that very sad and frustrating. Like I'll read a book and a year or two later I'll barely remember anything about it -- as if it passed right through my brain and out the other side without leaving anything behind at all. It makes me feel like all the time I spend reading books is largely wasted, since I retain so little of what I read. Meanwhile I have a friend who's able to recite in detail the plot of a movie he only saw once a decade ago. My family went on all these great trips to national parks and stuff when I was a kid and gave us all these great experiences and I don't remember any of it (while Dad will still remember what corner of the parking lot we parked in on our trip to Yellowstone in 1997 or whatever).

Given that memory is closely tied to emotion, maybe my being less emotional than other people is part of why I have such a bad memory. But it sucks -- losing your memory feels like losing your self. And when someone dies, and now they remain only in your memory -- but you barely even have any of that?

Mom also doesn't have the best memory in the world, though -- and it's getting worse as she gets older -- so I don't know if this can really explain the difference between our attitudes toward sentimental possessions. I don't know if "I need this stuff because my memory sucks" would mean anything to her. I think she prefers to focus on the present so she doesn't really understand wanting to dwell on the past.

I was looking through some old journals and things that I've held onto from elementary school and one of the writing prompts I had been given apparently was "something you will always remember" and I described an event (an occasion when I lost some beloved toys) which I have no memory of now. But in a sense I was right that I would always remember it -- because I wrote it down, and I kept that notebook all these years. If this is all that I can have of my past -- the scribblings of a child whose mindset my 35-year-old brain can no longer even really conceive of, much less remember what it was like to actually be that person -- well, then I guess I'll take it.

[sevenrs]

*shines the OC rant laser on you*

i can't decide who to talk about so you get (at least) one fun fact about everyone. and most will be meta

brass lining: my first ever iterator oc. they were made over a year ago. they are my most "typical" (working to solve the great problem) iterator and though i don't develop much for them, they are important because i use them as a reference point for my other iterators

flight of the crows: their antenna are really hard for me to draw. why did i design them like that? because it looks cool. they are somehow both very emotionally intellegent and also unable to figure out how to handle other peoples emotions

chains by summer: originally, i based him off prometheus but now he more resembles achillies. i wouldve added more ancient greek influence to his design and atititude but greece nor a greece-like culture exist in rain world

three star songs: personally my favorite iterator color pallette that i made (i didnt make paradox). i consider her one of my more underrated iterators because i love her so damn much but i feel others are more interested in summer or paradox. NOTHING wrong with that by the way

paradox of creation: their lore was originally concieved because i am autistic about the immune system. now one of the greatest explorations of iterator anatomy and physiology ive done

salt wind blows: stole his name off of a username i saw somewhere. i dont really talk about her much but she's a secret favorite of mine

garden of bones: unrevealed because i want ita designer to post them first but their name comes from a song i thought was a sick iterator name for months

all the immunerators: each of them have at least one dot on their face, inspired by cell nucleus :)

equinox of winter: when i made them, i wanted to try drawing iterators different from what i usually do and in canon. very much will draw more bulky iterator ocs in the future!

call of the blade: she has three dots because she is based on a neutrophil. neutrophils have a three-lobed nucleus!

a perfect tragedy: it never moved in its can because the puppet is literally attached to the walls. its other structuremates cannot understand how it doesnt want to fidget

rising memory: vaguely inspired by the same origin as my sona! archivist from inscryption. help

bead from the branch: bead's body markings are based on a simplified drawing of antibodies, which b cells produce

blue lotus: already explained the origins but more flowers grow as it gets colder

arsonist: my first ever slugcat oc. her markingd were inspired by a black kite! if you know, you know

scholar: also vague inspiration from archivist inscryption... they have seen many iterators in their day and will keep meeting them too!

livewire: a vulture even smaller then a slugcat. three star songs made it after figuring out ghost was a bad messanger

the yoinky sploinky: two headed lizard i never did anything with and still has its placeholder name. based on the fact that reptiles are more often hatched with two heads then anything else

neuron slugpups: my friend blip was taking inspiration for designs to make. i said neuron flies. i later took home neuron pups for paradox

mixtape: bright blue coop pup i found. themed around an inspector

heart: an artificer sona :)