#i needed to finally write this because i keep drawing and creating stuff for it but not really explaining the background

[cy-cyborg]

Tips for Writing and Drawing Amputees: Bandaged Stumps

When writing and drawing amputee characters, unless your character only just lost their limb, they don't need to wear a bandage over their stumps.

to be clear, eda's depiction in the show was fine, since she'd only just lost her arm and went (presumably) without any medical attention, but because the show didn't have much time to show her afterwards, I've noticed a tendency of the fandom to draw her wearing the bandage permanently, so that's why I'm picking on her for my example lol.

It's a bit of a trope at this point, and I think it comes from one of a few different places:

Amputees do wear bandages on their stumps, but usually only for the first 6-12 weeks post-amputation, sometimes longer if the amputation was a result of a burn. It's possible people saw this though and assumed it was permanent.

Most amputees wear a sock made of either cotton or silicone under their prosthetics to provide them with some extra padding. These socks, called liners, often stick out from the top of the prosthetic socket and could possibly be mistaken for a bandage from a distance.

Some amputees will wear compression garments for a few months to a few years after their amputations which could also be mistaken for a bandage from a distance. These garments are designed to stop swelling and reduce phantom pain, but they aren't bandages.

Stumps get cold easier because their circulation typically isn't as good as the rest of the body, so some amputees will wear socks over them even if they aren't wearing a prosthetic to keep warm, which again could be mistaken for a bandage from a distance.

This one is funny, but in my experience unfortunately, it's the most common: people think the end of an amputee's stump is just a perpetual open wound that never heals. Meaning to avoid "gore" it needs to be covered. I've met fully grown adults who believed this until I showed up to work/uni without my prosthetics or socks on.

People are uncomfortable with seeing an uncovered stump and so put bandages over it to avoid confronting their biases.

Some combination of these points.

But yeah, unless your amputee has only just lost their limb in the last few weeks, they don't need a bandage.

The ironic thing too, is that for most amputees, bandaging a stump is nearly impossible. I've been in and out of hospital since I was 1 year old and only ever met 3 nurses and no doctors/surgeons who could successfully bandage my stump in a way that the bandage would even stay on. This is because stumps are usually tapered in shape (meaning they are wider at the top, closer to the body, and thinner at the bottom), so gravity will pull the bandage off 9 times out of 10.

On a final note: it's ok to show your amputee's stump, it's not gore, there's no blood, it just looks like a regular limb that just stops early. In fact, if you are writing/creating anything for kids or that is likely to be seen by kids, I encourage you to show your amputee's stumps at least once. I used to work on a disability awareness program for kids, and I lost count of the amount of times kids were terrified of me, because they all expected my leg to be bloody and gory. For a lot of kids, I was their first real-life exposure to an amputee, meaning they'd never even heard of people like me, or they had seen an amputee on TV, but because the show went out of its way to avoid showing the person's stump, they assumed it must have been because there was "something scary at the end" that they weren't supposed to see (kids are surprisingly perceptive, they will pick up on stuff like that without you realising). And scared kids aren't good at articulating why they're scared, and would often say really mean or hurtful things to me. I knew not to take it personally and learned how to handle those situations, but not everyone is used to dealing with kids. For a new amputee (or anyone who's less confident in their disability), the kinds of things those kids would say could be absolutely confidence destroying. I never blame the kids, it's not their fault, but the whole situation could have been avoided if they had seen people like us before they had the chance to hear the wrong info. Good representation like this can be the difference between a kid crying, making throw-up sounds and calling an amputee "disgusting monsters" (all things I've had kids do/say) and them just being like "oh ok, cool."

[infinitebrians]

Favorite Games of 2023 Part 4: Pseudoregalia

I knew Pseudoregalia was going to be good the minute I started the game and did the input for the Mario 64 side flip jump and the game’s main character Sybil did her own version of that satisfying jump. One of my all time favorite things to do in a Mario game (or any game) is that side flip, a jump that is as practical as it is just simply satisfying to do. Sybil being able to do that jump without needing any of the power ups found in the game told me that the developers of this game knew the importance to making character feel good jumping around in a 3D world. Her movement only gets better from there with a bunch of new platforming abilities that makes her capable of getting what feels like anywhere in that game world if desired. The pure control you have over Sybil's platforming capabilities gave me so many great moments of pure curiosity to experiment with what could work. What's better is watching friends and others play the game and figure out their own solutions to the game's open ended platforming design. There are no wrong answers in the world of Pseudoregalia, just results.

This game was a complete surprise in just about every way, just the best feeling platformer I’ve played in a long while in this small, cleaned up former game jam game. I’ve followed the main dev rittzler on twitter for a few years because the gameplay clips of their work have all looked fun and impressive and they always shared other really cool indie dev work as well. So, I was excited to finally play Pseudoregalia when it was announced to be released. It's super low price (6 dollars USD) and being something I was able to finish in the span of one day alone was a huge breath of fresh air in this current gaming environment. It’s something I’ve been personally thinking a lot about recently is the appeal of a simpler, lower priced game. It’s appeal to me coming from playing something that never needs to be some sort of omnipresent, super game. Instead, Pseudoregalia presents itself in a humble statement of, ‘here, enjoy a few hours jumping around this wacky maze like castle as a goat bunny lady!’.

I'm not a person who typically ever has a desire to replay a game right after finishing it, I usually prefer to immediately move on to another game that I've been wishing to play for for a while. Pseudoregalia is a game I've played four or so times now from start to finish, I even started another playthrough in preparation for this drawing/writing and found myself wanting to play it all the way through again. Its the first time I found myself actually physically seeing the appeal of speedrunning, a hobby I always just enjoyed as a spectator. Pseudoregalia just lends itself so neatly to that part of me that loves routing out a path for stuff. How quickly can you find all the vital movement abilities for Sybil? What's unnecessary, what can be improved, what can be gathered while on the path of gathering something else. From at least my perspective of not actually investigating the proper speedrunner's routing, the options feel immense. From these handful of times replaying the game I've gotten a good handle of finding my way around the map and a good idea of how to get a lot of the really important movement abilities almost immediately. It also made the game feel quite different from how it felt to me with my first playthrough, what was once mysterious and labyrinthine was now a familiar playground.

That is one thing I will miss when doing those repeat playthroughs is that sense of discovery that occurred with that initial run. Soon before Pseudoregalia came out, I watched a lot of Videochess and spaghoner's exploration and documentation of the incredible Mario 64 hack, B3313 ( https://youtu.be/pLKB0SG0i8c ). I found that hack incredible at creating a sense of uneasiness and wonder from simply keeping you constantly guessing what was next behind each door something even those two expressed while streaming. During my first playthrough of Pseudoregalia, I was completely lost in that castle and was constantly finding paths that led to new zones or ones circled me back to old ones from hours ago. It was a pretty incredible feeling of discovery that only wore out it's welcome at the end when I just needed one more big key necessary for progression. What helped make exploration in both of these games engaging the whole time is that aspect of having a really fun character to move around as while being lost. It was okay with being completely lost because I could still just keep doing these long jumps into wall kicks that just make Sybil go fuckin' fast in an immensely satisfying way.

I think in the time it's taken me to think about this game again, and briefly revisit it in preparation for this art/writing I've come to decide that this is probably my favorite new game of 2023. In a year full of fantastic platformers to pick from, this one was just a class above in terms of movement design and movement application.

[xenocorner]

Here's some little christmas gifts for some amazing mutuals that have made this year a whole lot more bearable with their amazing content and their amazing interactions and just being amazing in general :']

Long post ahead so divider here to spare your scrolling. (I am also probably gonna get a bit sappy so if that makes you cringe: you've been warned lol)

@lilbitofmac Thank you for being my introduction to the fandom here on tumblr :'''D I really think I wouldn't have stuck around if it weren't for your initial warmth and encouragement. Your Tony remains my fave Tony I go feral over your art orz I may or may not have the clingy ironstrange drawing as a phone wallpaper-

Hope next year is kinder on you man! I know we don't really talk outside of tags/replies, but if you ever need smthn I can help with my inbox is always there.

@strxngetimes I'm just tagging this one blog because I don't want to spam all your other blogs lmao. Thank you for sharing your interpretations of the characters with us, not only the rps with other muses but also the headcanons and brainrot. It's always such a pleasure both to see you on the timeline writing with other muses and on the inbox with the disaster man.

I specially like how you include his Cloak in the mix and give it a personality- I absolutely adore the Cloak :'') So here's it being all clingy to the disaster man. Hope to see more of you having fun with all ur muses in the coming year :D

@starkkawajiri Pretty art!! Hilarious and heart wrenching character interactions!!! I love your designs and lore building so much. Fanboying over the same disaster man and making him suffer always brings a smile to my face. I've wanted to draw your Strange for a while now, so this was also the perfect excuse, I love him so much you have no idea-

Can't wait to see more of your amazing designs and lore stuff for this AU! (and anything else you create next year :])

@nekojetto I think your Strange is the purest Strange there is and the fact that it's based off Supreme makes that so much more impressive. Your animatics are simply breath taking, and whenever I go back to check your concepts and sketches for character interactions I always get a smile on my face :D

I'm sorry I haven't gotten to the collab just yet :'') Plz know I still have it in mind, haven't forgotten about it and am still just as excited to finally get to it as I was the first day!

@infiniteeight8 Your words make me cry and laugh so much all the time :'') You write the disaster men so beautifully both in serious, fluffy, angsty and funny situations. Reading ur stuff keeps the creative juices flowing!

I remember you liked the vampire Stephen prompt you were sent, so here's some of that, even if it's more halloween-y than christmas-y.

[antiwhores]

hihi! remember the perv bakugou post? that but with denki (i love your writing btw)

Pervert!Denki x Reader

——

Just some headcannons about Kaminari being a big ass pervert to you

unedited, masturbation, peeping, non con pictures, stealing, etc.

I am not proof reading this 😣. Hope you enjoy! I’ve never written about him before but hope this satisfies!

Pervert Denki is WAY less ashamed than the regular guy.

He feeds into his own excuses by saying that this is normal for him. That its okay because he’s not doing any real harm.

He’ll still try to keep it a secret from you.

He doesn’t want you finding out about how weird he is. He’s liked other girls before and when they find out about his perverted ways they always steer clear of him.

THATS when he starts feeling ashamed in himself. And its only gotten worse after the last time he got caught.

He really liked this girl a couple years back. He would just catch himself sneaking glances from… unusual positions… in usual places. Nothing serious in his opinion.

The girl found out and shunned him. Rumors spread about him being a pervert and for a good year he couldn’t get any play.

He ended apologizing to that girl later on. He genuinely felt bad after some shaming from Kirishima.

He went back to his old ways AS SOON as his heart started to explode from a single touch from you.

He did almost every pervy thing in the book when he met you.

He would gawk at your chest and thighs whenever he could. And sneak peaks at your underwear.

He would look for opportunities to destroy your clothes on “accident” during spars. Like he’d just happen to zap you enough to burn past your clothes. Or maybe he’d accidentally push you into the water just to see your figure and that cute matching underwear set.

He would take pictures at very unusual angles. Sometimes he would just play it off as funny photos. That angle thats supposed to be funny, the one that goes down from your forehead. He would take those on purpose just to get a close up og your tits.

He would find out about your exes and become friends with them just to ask how you were in bed. The details he would ask would be insane. Does she swallow or spit? What color is her pussy? What did it feel like? How deep is her arch? What does she taste like? What shape and size are her titties? How does she take dick? And with all this information, he’d create his own fantasy and jerk to his hearts content.

Although, he would do most of his pervy shit at your house when you finally let him over as your bestfriend.

It always went down for him when you took a shower or just left for a while.

He’d start to go through your stuff, everything. Your panty draw, journal, trash can, every single drawer, your sheets, laundry, computer, etc.

Occasionally, he’d stuff some of your clothes and underwear in his bag. He’d smell the shirt as he fucked into the panties or vice versa. Then he’d wash them, go back to your house, and plant them back where he found them.

If you kept your toys anywhere in that house, god help you. I will not elaborate.

If you’re in the shower, he’d try to find a blindspot to watch you. Not a lot of luck on his part. He’s gonna just have to settle with smelling your body wash and conditioner.

And when you sleep, he’d smell you and excuse himself to your bathroom to jack off. Nothing more. He was scared to do more. He was overpowered by his fear of loosing you over his lust.

And if you so happen to find out about him, he’d be devastated. He couldn’t even avoid it with jokes. He would apologize as soon as he could muster the courage.

But he can’t look you in the eye without laughing as a defense mechanism so he’d have to write you a note. You need to know that he’s serious. Even if he does joke and laugh about it. He doesn’t mean to! He just doesn’t know what to do!

[rileyclaw]

Hii! First off i just want to I'm such a big fan of your art and animatics! Your art is just so expressive and unique its addicting to look at 💞💞

I was wondering if you could go over how your process or tutorial in making an animatic? Whenever I try to start to make one, I get jumbled up and end up ditching it lol

I'm sorry if you get this question a lot 😭

So sorry it took me so long to answer this- I was in a Busy time (diseaseridden with covid and being punched by finals) when I got the ask and wanted to answer it with some stuff Im using for my next TOH animatic!!

I'll say one thing first: I get jumbled up and ditch so many animatics. For every one animatic I release, there are three to five more I have that have NEVER seen the light of day (yet). And that's okay!! It's fun just to make them for me, and I hope it is for you too!! Animatics are scary because if you're working on it alone, it can be really hard to be your own cheerleader to keep up the mojo to keep going. So that makes it really special when there is that project that makes it to the finish line- cuz you can look at it and go "holy crap I made this. holy crap i MADE that look how SICK that is dude!! all that work and look at the turnout!!"

The following stuffh is just my personal process and is by no means representative of a professional animation pipeline, but this works for me as a Lonely Artist! It all begins with the idea - whether it's a song, or just a story you wanna tell. In the case of the one I'm gonna demo here with , I wanted to animate Hunter's first day as Del's apprentice!

The first thing I did was write a script. Not fancy or AO3-quality, but enough that I understand the pacing and the visuals of each shot. I usually just put this in a doc or put it in a script format, if I feel fancy.

Then, I take that script and find music that I think would fit for it- and remix it (if needed) to fit the pacing/mood/etc! This is what this new animatic looked like before I began ANY artwork- this is a me thing because I'm super inspired by audio as opposed to visuals first. But you might be different- this is just how I like working personally!

Then begins the research! I find references for characters, background layouts, and create a style guide for the animatic that tells me how thick lines will be for characters, backgrounds, if there'll be tons of value or no. I make a turnaround for each character so I can refer to them because Im gonna be drawing them over and over a LOT and want to be consistent! Luckily TOH has no shortage of references, so I based my work off them.

THEN, I can begin drawing. I'm a little,,, (a lot) ADHD and may not always do this process, but if you're new to animatics or daunted by the task at hand, make beat boards of the entire project.

This is just a page of rough thumbnails that get your visual idea down - look how rough and quick these are!! I try not to spend over a minute on each beat board if I dont have to, unless it's a particularly complex shot.

When it gets to the stage where you're ready to begin the actual scenes, I personally tend to do backgrounds first because I like to set characters into backgrounds - and for every animatic, I have the Awkward Blue Sketch Stage which is basically my beat boards timed out as an animatic.

I used Storyboard Pro for this (Toonboom, not free ): icky), but the process can be replicated across most art platforms in whichever way you feel most comfy with! This is so I can time the drawings before I devote time cleaning them up-- which can make for some Pretty Funny looking little guys but theyre important!! trust!!

Once a big sequence of shots is cleaned up (I usually do 40-60 second chunks at a time), I export the .mov and send it to my editing program (which in this case is still Premiere Pro) - and then repeat this process again and again until.. it's done??

Here's like a TL;DR list of basically everything I said summed up:

• Make a loose script or bulletin of the idea! Do your research!

• Depending on what kind of animatic you're making, time it to music!

• Make a beat board of very loose gestures for your shots, and time them - then move on to refinement & cleanup!

• Combine all shots, refine music cues and timings, add any last needed VFX, and export!

There's no secret recipe or anything, it's just learning a pipeline that best suits you, whether it is for something professional or something you want to make for fun because you just love to make!!

[e-vay]

Evay QA Bulk Post 5

Here we go again! These do not include Domino or Phlox questions as I plan on addressing those in a separate post. I couldn't get through as many questions this time around but I did what I could. I'm sorry, I'm just a little mentally and emotionally overwhelmed right now so I can only respond to so many at a time.

Thank you all for reaching out ☺️ Despite my brain, I am always very appreciative to hear from you!

PERSONAL ASKS

sayain-princess-vegenta asked: What is some original artwork or stories you've been working on lately? I know you probably get a bunch of questions for established fandoms but spoil us with your own thoughts! 😇

A: Well that's very kind of you to ask! To be perfectly honest, I mostly stick to fan art or creating original characters that exist in an already established world. I only have one personal project that is completely original, but so far it's only character designs. I don't have a full story or world built yet. I'm not sure if I'll ever share it on here.

Anon asked: Who or what made you wanted to do art?

A: There wasn't anyone or any particular thing that made me want to draw. I've just been drawing since I was able to grasp a pencil (or crayon) in my hand and I've never stopped! 🥰

Anon asked: Have you ever caught someone stealing or drawing your art?

A: Ohohoho, allllll the time

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MISC SONIC ASKS

Anon asked: Do you still like sonic boom or are you over it?

A: My love is everlasting!

Anon asked: Hello Evay_art I always wonder have you always thought doing Amy Rose game???

A: Hi! Do you mean for me to make an Amy Rose game? I don't have the talent to do that, but gosh do I want there to be an Amy game so badly! ☺️ She deserves it! I would love to play a game devoted to her. I thought The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog was especially great because she was a major character in it!

Anon asked: What is your opinion of Sally Acorn? Do you like the idea of her and Sonic have had a relationship? In fact, something I never got an answer for, is she considered canonical?

A: I'm not a fan. Plenty of people can argue for or against Archie characters, but Archie is not considered part of the game canon like IDW is.

Anon asked: I keep on hearing everyone talk about Hell Hath No Fury, so I finally got curious enough to read it! I have to say that it was coming out really good! Do you plan on working on it again any time soon?

A: Thank you for checking it out! I'm glad you were enjoying it. Yes I do plan on picking it back up eventually.

Anon asked: Does HHNF take place in Sonic Boom(Sorry if this is a stupid question)

A: It's not a stupid question at all. HHNF is a Modern Sonic story, not Sonic Boom. Also, it is not part of my AU. It's a completely separate story 🖤

fungus101 asked: Can you do more Werehog stuff

A: Oh I plan on it! I love drawing werehogs!

Anon asked: I have a question since sonic boom has been over for a while now. Do you still like the designs from it or have you moved on? Cause I know the sonic boom designs are somewhat of a future designs for some of your comics. I was just wondering if it would be Recon at this point

A: I still love the Sonic Boom designs and they're still part of my canon. I try to draw more than just Boom (I've been especially neglectful of the Modern designs and I need to do a better job of that), but the Boom designs are still my most favorite to draw.

sonicx1027 asked: Hey Evay, I’m curious if you are going to make another comic in the future, especially with the new Sonic Characters being added from the IDW series. If you are, have a story in mind?

A: I definitely plan on including IDW characters in future comics! I need to catch up on the IDW comics before I feel comfortable enough to write anything. I want to make sure I keep them as in-character as possible. But in the meantime I do have plans of having them make little appearances.

itsyourboysworld asked: on a scale of one - ten how made are you that we still don’t have a trailer for sonic the hedgehog 3 because for me it’s infinite

A: WHY ARE THEY TORTURING US?! GIVE US A TRAILER!!!! I am sure it will be worth the wait but it's killing me.

Anon asked: How do you feel about Mighty the armadillo?

A: It's funny because I think one of the Tailstube videos (or perhaps it was one of the Twitter takeovers) made the point that Mighty is basically just a more mellow version of Sonic and I do agree, I've always thought that. I actually think he's like a fusion of Sonic and Knuckles, but super chill.

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MY OCs/AU ASKS

emceevoices asked: In Boom Baby, what was the movie Sonic, Amy, and Eggman were watching? In my dub, I had them watch the 93 Super Mario Bros movie, but did you have any specific movie in mind?

A: I believe you're talking about Chapter 5.1 of My Gal. They are watching my own make-believe Overwatch movie lol I just wanted an excuse to draw Mercy as a Mobian

toonfan91 asked: Oh my gosh I thought your tumblr was dead, as a fan of your work it is stellar seeing new Sonic art from you again, or art at all really. I do have one question, if you were to have the time and willingness to, would you draw designs for the Freedom Fighters (Sally, Bunnie, Antoine, Rotor and Nyx) that fit in your AU and try to work them subtly into it?

A: I'm still alive! Haha 😄 Thank you so much, I'm really glad you are enjoying my new work! I'm sorry to disappoint but I was never a fan of the Archie comics or characters, so no I do not include them in my AU. Sorry!

milangakokoros asked: Has pensado dibujar a whisper y tangle como si fueran parte del AU donde Aurora existe? Como serian sus vidas? Dime que estarian casadas jajsjj

A: I do plan on adding Tangle and Whisper 🥰 I need to get caught up on the IDW comics to make sure I'm writing them in-character, but they will make an appearance in the near future.

furrylovergril495 asked: Also how old is Aurora? Ps I think she one of the nicest fan kids I ever since

A: Thank you so much, I'm so glad you like her! 💗 I don't like to include exact ages because I don't think Mobians age the same way humans do. Especially since SEGA has redacted the Sonic characters' ages. But for majority of my drawings, Aurora is the human-equivalent of about 20-23 years old.

Anon asked: can you draw super Aurora and tell me what abilities she has

A: 😊 I've drawn Super Aurora (aka "Aurora Borealis") quite a few times! [x] [x] [x]. She has all the standard Super Hedgehog powers (Flight, strength, invincibility, etc.)

thechosenflow asked: How does Metal sonic interact with Aurora? Are they friends or does Metal act as a guardian?

A: I've only drawn the two crossing paths once. I like to think that Metal Sonic is secretly in love with Amy, and so when Amy and Sonic get married he is pretty devastated. Maybe he gets his own Metal Amy and has his own Metal family??? 👀

Anon asked: So we know that Sage is best friends with Aurora but how is she with Rouge and Knuckles son's? I forgot their names😭

A: That's okay, I have a lot of characters. You're asking about Ruff & Tumble! Honestly I don't see her having much of a relationship with them. They are quite a bit younger than Aurora so I don't think Sage would have much reason to be around them often. HOWEVER! I do write Sage to have a friendly-competitive relationship with CC, and since CC does not care much for the hyena boys, that means Sage automatically gets a kick out of them.

antooogamer asked: What happened to Sonic's scarf? Do you keep it or when you retire will you give it to one of your grandchildren?

A: With how much danger that hedgehog gets in to, that scarf would have been ripped to shreds! No way it survived long enough for his grandkids to have it 😆

Anon asked: Have Aurora ever met Blaze, Sliver, and Amy's parents?

A: Blaze and Silver are friends with Sonic and Amy so she definitely would have met them at some point. I originally wrote Amy's parents as having passed away before she and Sonic got married, but I recently decided to change that! The Rose 'rents will be alive in my canon! So yes she'd have met them, too!

cyberdiesel asked: What is Aurora's relationship with the Gogobas and Froglodytes (including Og) like?

A: Aurora does not have any relationship with them (I did not care for them so I don't plan on ever drawing them haha)

Anon asked: What did Sonic and Aurora do for Amy on Mother's Day?

A: They spoiled her rotten by making her the most delicious, sweet, unhealthy breakfast imaginable with pancakes and ice cream and all the flavor syrups! Sonic even cleaned up after!

Anon asked: Does Aurora loves Chillidogs like his father?

A: Nobody loves chilidogs as much as Sonic haha But she does enjoy them. She kinda has to, chili dogs are a staple in the Rose household!

medi0creartz asked: There’s something I’ve been thinking for a long time. I don’t know if someone asked you this but has Cream and her Mom Vanilla ever meet Aurora?

A: Of course! Cream is Amy's best friend. Aurora absolutely would have met her!

echidnapower asked: So, difficult philosophical lore math question for you. 👀 Aurora and Sage are besties. Aurora is the daughter of Sonic the Hedgehog. Sage is Dr. Eggman’s daughter. Dr. Eggman wants to destroy Sonic and take over the world. Sage never wants to hurt Aurora. Eggman hurting Sonic would hurt Aurora. Sage is "presumably" loyal to Eggman. Solve for X, if you know what I mean. >:)

A: echidnapower you always ask the tough questions! It might not be very exciting, but Eggman mellows out in my AU as he gets older and he even adores Aurora, so he has no intention of hurting her. Sage does want to rule the world and make the Eggman Empire reign supreme, but she wants to do it passively and by intelligent means, not through destruction ;) Sorry that's a boring answer for you!

km0901 asked: Hi again! A question that's been on my mind lately comes from your "Time travel" comic. In it, we know that Aroura goes back in time to save Shadow, but from what? I first thought it might be DR. Eggman, but he has seemingly moved on with his life along with everyone else. This leads to the big question, who or what is this new menace?

A: I know this is a disappointing answer, but I can't reveal what the threat behind that storyline is yet! You'll have to wait when I can finally write that story out as a fic. All I can confirm is that the threat is invented by me. It is not an antagonist from the game canon. I'm so sorry I can't share more!

Anon asked: will you ever draw your human AUs for sonic again sense you have a newer art style ( btw speaking of art style i Love it and absolutely adore everything you post)

A: You are such a sweetheart, thank you! I'm really happy to hear that. I'll draw human Sonic characters again, just not sure when :) Some people really hate the way I draw the gijinka Sonic characters so that's why I don't do it much. But whatever, it is what it is. It's not going to stop me forever lol I'm happy you like it!

Anon asked: I love the design for Movie Aurora!! Since Tom and Maddie are like Sonic's adopted parents (if Aurora lives on earth), would you see Tom and Maddie show her tons of affection like grandparents?

A: Thank you so much! Yes I'm sure Tom and Maddie would be over the moon to have a grandbaby! I have the cutest vision in my head of them having to buy doll clothes for her since she's so little.

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don’t like Shadora

Anon asked: Now that i thought, have the Shadora Offspring ever met Black Doom? If they did what's their relationship with him?

A: The Shadora Horde are aware of their lineage [x] [x], but no they don't have a relationship with Black Doom at all. If Black Doom were alive, Shadow definitely wouldn't let him anywhere near his kids.

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SHIPPING ASKS

aeroranger100 asked: What inspired you to make My Gal? Or maybe I should ask, what got you on board the SonAmy ship in the first place? 💙🩷

A: My Gal came about simply because I thought, if Sonic were to ask Amy out, how would it go? Although I love sappy romance and angst, I actually prefer writing comedies so I put it in the Sonic Boom universe because I could go super silly with it! Though, I still think their date might go sort of like the events of My Gal no matter what universe it takes place in 😉 As far as why I first started shipping Sonamy, it was simply by learning who Amy was in the first place! The moment I saw her and got to know her character I thought, oh, this girl is the one. I wrote a very detailed post about it a long time ago if you'd like to read it! It wasn't meant to persuade anyone, it was just meant to illustrate why I'm so passionate about those two!

Anon asked: Your Sonamy art always gives me life and I love whenever you draw them smooching😘😘 Question: Do you have any art of Sonamy making out? Or if you know of another artists could you point me to them? I'm having cravings!!

A: Thank you so much! Honestly I feel like I draw them making out all the time 🤣 The entire ending and Epilogue of My Gal is just them kissing constantly haha! I'm working on some birthday drawings that should satisfy that craving of yours 👀

Anon asked: Hope I’m not annoying but what are Shadow’s, Sonic’s and Amy’s orientations(sexualities)? I know you answered What are shadora children sexualities but I really am curious about this. Also,love your art💜🙌

A: You're not annoying and thank you for the compliment! Honestly I can only answer for my own characters because they are 100% made by me. Unless SEGA officially confirms what Sonic, Shadow, and Amy's preferences are then I can't say for certain. We can all just imagine what we want.

Anon asked: Are Sonic and Amy still an active couple when their grandparents? And what do you mean by active e-vay? 😏Plz explain if you want😊…. I’m very curious 😂

A: Anon, you are too funny. You can't ask me a question and then follow it up by "what do you mean" when it was your question! 🤣 Yes they're still very active, however you mean it to mean! 😜

Anon asked: Do you think boom sonic has feelings for amy as well?

A: Absolutely I do! He was so sweet on her in that show!

Anon asked: What if sonamy was a same gender couple?

A: I've said it before but I'll say it again: As long as they're together and they're happy, I'm happy!

Anon asked: hi e-vay what's ur fav sonamy universe?? (boom, prime, etc.)

A: Hi! Wow, that's really difficult for me to pick. Boom was definitely the most fun for me. That show made me laugh so hard and Sonic and Amy were both so handsome and pretty, and they were so funny the way they interacted. I am still 100% of the belief that they were secretly dating during that show!!! But Modern has the most potential. It can be fun and it can be serious, so if they ever wanted to take Sonic down a romantic path I think it would be more meaningful in the Modern context.

Anon asked: desearía tener más contenido tails x cc realmente los amo!!

and makarov asked: More cc x tails comics pleeeaseeee🥺? And will you do an cc x tails animation?

A: I'm so happy you like the LoveBytes (TailsXCC) ship! I promise I'll draw more in the future 💛 I'm sorry for the wait. I don't know about an animation but definitely more drawings to come.

nightfurylover31 asked: I’ve been listening to Backstreet Boys again to relive my childhood, and the songs “Shape of My Heart” and “I Don’t Wanna Lose You Know” feel like perfect Sonamy songs! 🥰💙🥰🩷

A: Backstreet Boys! Talk about ROMANCE! I love those and of course now I will associate them with Sonamy 🥰 Thank you for sharing!

blueberryydraw asked: hey e-vay! I love your works and I'm a big fan of Sonic. Would it be possible for you to make a Sonamy movie? :)

A: Thank you so very much! Are you asking if I could make a sonamy animation some time? If so, I can't say much about it but there is a very special project I'm working on! It won't be ready for a very long time, but when I can talk about it, I will!

ultimate-guardian asked: What do you say about Knuckles x Mighty?

A: I don't personally ship the two of them together

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don’t like Shadora

Anon asked: Sonic does not want Shadow to date Aurora cause he thinks he might hurt her or is it because they don't like each other?

A: It wouldn't matter if it was Shadow or not, Sonic doesn't want Aurora dating anyone. He doesn't think anyone is 'good enough' for his daughter.

–

Thank you all for the questions!

Evay QA Bulk Post 1

Evay QA Bulk Post 2

Evay QA Bulk Post 3

Evay QA Bulk Post 4

Evay QA Bulk Post 6

[coralpolyp]

I'm not dead!

Hey look here's a redraw of the really terrible bit of digital art I did for last year's Mar13 day as proof! Apparently I didn't even finish the first one on time! Yikes!

I'm well aware that it's been a minute or two since I last posted anything on here or on AO3 - to be more precise, it's been since Splatoon 1 died and I wrote that 8000 word depressing thing - I don't know why 8000 words always seems to be my sweet spot, but it's good to know that I have one. That being said, and with Side Order: Dark Side Mix currently MIA, I thought it'd be a good idea to to have what it is that I'm doing right now on-record in some capacity, for the one or two people who were wondering.

The next few weeks are exam season, so I don't think it's going to be smooth sailing per se, but Dark Side Mix will be completed. After running into a snag with the opening act - namely with the fact that it sucks - I started reworking the entire fic from top to bottom under a new name...and then I lost motivation to do that because perfectionism set in, and I haven't really touched it in a little while.

In the time that I've been away from it, I feel like I've become increasingly aware of how that perfectionism negatively effects me and my work - namely the fact that very little of it actually exists. I mean, sure, people seem to like the stuff that does exist, but there isn't much, and a lot of things are unfinished - usually because I placed too much value on the potential of "the idea", and spent so long labouring over the start of it that by the 10,000 word mark I had realised the flaws of the idea and lost interest in it.

I can't help thinking that's a bit lame. Every other writer has 100s and thousands of words of terrible amateur works they can go back to and laugh at, before they created the masterpieces they're known for now, and my story is that I just kinda show up every once in a while.

I think there's a real beauty to that - creating for the sake of creation, with no fucks given. Maybe this isn't the finest example, but I finally started listening to My Dad Wrote a Porno recently and...I mean... the sheer lack of fucks given is well and truly a gift that keeps on giving. Same goes for Philosophy of the World. Or SMG4 back in like 2014. Or old Eddsworld stuff. There's just a certain carefree joy (or existential dread in the case of the Shaggs) to it all that you never get anywhere else. It's like the difference between a 30 second gesture drawing and 6 hours of carefully-deliberated-over anatomy.

All that is to say - Dark Side Mix is a fundamentally flawed story. It is not high art, it never will be. I should probably just get it out there in it's entirety for the world to see in the time I have available to write, and then move on to the next "brilliant-idea"-that's-actually-just-ok. Nobody likes an "idea guy" - what good is it to spend one's entire life going around saying "I never finished this story, but it was great in my head, and the bit that you can actually read was alright too,"? Creativity should be about getting in there, making a mess, and having fun - let fanfiction be fanfiction, with that being addressed to nobody but myself, because nobody else needed to hear it.

Oh, also, another reason for my absence besides creative block and exams - I'm getting into comics! That, and practising my art fundamentals a whole bunch - I don't think my drawabox is particularly interesting to look at, so I haven't exactly been posting it. I've decided that I want to try giving an idea I had for what would've been another depressing Squid Sister 8000-worder the comic treatment, although you shouldn't expect to see that anytime soon, considering how long it's gonna take, and the fact that I would want to release something like that in no more than two parts.

[rosiebeetle]

I'm gonna sound bonkers rn but it's 3 am so bear with me, I said this in the discord server and I'm gonna say it here

Beetlejuice can't break the fourth wall he just pretends there r people there watching him so he doesn't feel lonely that's why he's so dramatic and stuff all the time because he needs to entertain his "audience" the singing and stuff never happened that's literally just all in his head He grew up alone isolated and locked in his room so he made a entire audience to keep himself saneish in a way because he didn't want to face how crippingly alone he was, when he finally made a friend (Lydia) he stopped imagining the audience he only breaks the fourth wall twice and that was only after Lydia had left him and when he's abt to leave after the sandworm eating juno he starts imagining the audience because he knows he's gonna be alone all over again, saying "SQUEALLLL" in hopes that he will be able to come back and never be alone and invisible again

EDIT : OK I ADDED TO THIS HC TO MAKE IT MAKE MORE SENSE KINDA I JUST THOUGHT OF THIS AFTER I WROTE IT

Juno knows that there is a actual audience but of course she doesn't want her son to feel loved so she makes it so he can't see them, eventually imagining it as a copeing mechanism because when he was little 1-8 he could see the audience but as he grew older and juno hid them so he thought he was imagining it the whole time and he just never stopped imagining itAfter going to Saturn with the sandworms Juno's to far for her curse magic bs to work so he sees the audience and sees people r there to see HIM people who love HIM so he gets the confidence to go back and kill his mother instead of letting himself die to a sand worm. When he's doing the leg bit he's back in his natural trying to make the audience laugh state and is acting like he did in act one/a little in act 2 again and when he's saying sequel and looking into the crowd he's hoping basically begging with his eyes that they want to see him again because he knows it's the end of the show and he's not ready to be alone againWhen people write fanfics he's overjoyed because he's the one in them and people want to see him again so bad they r creating there own stories of him coming backHappy that somebody is so desperate to see him more they spend months drawing or writing or painting to see him again

He's very bo burnham coded

[bakathief]

I'm a little shy! But I would like to express my amazement and admiration! A while ago I found your Shadow Chase art, I loved it and became a fan, you create very funny stories and your art is beautiful, but that's not the point, I started following you because of that, but then I realized that you have many others projects and You are also very busy with your personal life. My question is how is everything organized and planned to advance a project despite academic/work responsibilities? I've seen that you even have collaborations with others and I keep thinking "this person is great." As a final note, I just want to leave my good wishes and hope you have a nice week. <3

Gosh, so many compliments in one ask, I‘m still a little loss for words. Thank you so much for reading my work and looking into my other projects, collabs and art! I hope you‘ve been enjoying them. ❤️ 

I think there is no denying that I need to organize myself a little bit to make everything work. I think I‘ve always used drawing, especially drawing comics, as a way to breathe and when I started uni I promised myself I would continue drawing somehow. The first semester was hell, but I finished all the way. 💪 And I had the same mindset for working, so when I started this year I was very motivated to draw. Lol I think it also helped that I had several different projects to work on so when I wasn’t in the mood for black and white I would move to something colorful. Comics also offer the possibility to work on different parts. Do I want to work on the story, on the storyboards, on the actual drawings or just editing…? A lot of options. And this is something which I heard on a video on AI but artist and creative people in general don‘t create in other to have more content but to get something out of their head and feel the satisfaction of creating a certain idea and I felt that very much. And then there is the joy of collabs and while there were unfortunately more failed attempts at collabs I’m very glad for those which eventually resulted in great projects. ❤️ I might have to take actual breaks from drawing when I get back to my thesis. I finished all the work but need to write the discussion part and wow, how much I don‘t wanna work on that. 

Currently I use my time on commutes for drawings digitally or making storyboards. In the evening I finish private stuff and when time is left I work on traditional art. Shadow Chase is the only project where I try to have an overview on how many pages I have done and want to finish before the next upload. Other works can usually go up once finished. When I create something for fan projects like zines, bigbangs, etc. I usually just try to finish said project right away. I don‘t like procrastinating (except my thesis I guess) and rather have stuff than can be finished done right away and focus on my other projects again.  Shades of Tourmaline was definitely my biggest collab project yet and with the amount of art planned it took like 3 years to finish because that was something I couldn‘t get done right away. 😂 fortunately clef was very patient with me (and kept me distracted with new collabs, oops). 

The short answer would be I try to draw as much as possible because it is just a lot of fun with the additional bonus of entertaining a few people. ❤️ 

[fullscoreshenanigans]

I have the headcanon that Leslie lived until 11, even if he had not super good scores, because he was a little genius of music.

Not everyone can create a song, not everyone can learn super quickly to play a music. I don't remember which song he wanted to learn before his deparature, but i think that it was a difficult one (we don't see him train a lot in the story too) and he plays it before going to the gate, without any partition to help him and without doing any mistake.

I headcanon that she demons keep all the little genius, even if they not have good scores and are genius in other ways, because they think that it worth to keep them.

A kid has not good scores but it a genius with drawing and creates super beautiful things? It's worth to keep him until the age limit.

Leslie is super good in music, learn quickly song and has not need of a partition when he plays? it's worth to wait until he's 11 (close of 12). It could also be a kid who has a beautiful voice ansd sings super well for exemple.

etc....

Norman was a genius in studies and stuff so they keep him beyond 12 by sending him to lambda but people can be genius in other ways that in studies. A genius can be super good in something but kinda bad in another things.

I feel like this is essentially canon, no?

The only birthdays mentioned in "The Starry Sky and Leslie’s List" are Isabella's twelfth birthday and Ray's sixth birthday, so contrary to what the wiki currently says, it doesn't look like Leslie was shipped out exactly on his twelfth since they don't celebrate or even mention it.

(Leslie's page on the TPN Wiki | TPN Light Novel 2: Moms’ Song of Remembrance - “The Starry Sky and Leslie’s List” Chapter 1)

They are among the oldest though since Isabella turns twelve within a year of his shipment while not being physically able to jump atop the wall as we see her do in chapter 37/S1 episode 12 yet due to the sprained ankle she sustains over the course of the light novel, in addition to spending weeks to months writing him letters that never received a response and what finalized her decision to make the jump in the first place.

(TPN Light Novel 2: Moms’ Song of Remembrance - “The Starry Sky and Leslie’s List” Chapter 8 | Chapter 9)

But it's still soon enough that she discovers the truth of the house during the night of the first snowfall of the year, which could be anywhere from late October 2025 to January 2026 (since the full score trio deduces in chapter 5 that Grace Field is located in [the demon world equivalent of] the northern hemisphere, in addition to "The Guiding Star" short story mentioning them planning on using Polaris to find each other again after they go off to foster homes, winter would be during this time of the year).

I'm inclined to go with January 2026 since we don't see snow on the night of January 15, 2046, and also because I feel there's some poignancy in what would have been Leslie's twelfth birthday month getting to Isabella as the final push to make her seek him out. He surely would have written her in response to the birthday wishes she mailed him. (This is also why I feel his shipment was after September 9, 2025 because him not sending her any birthday well wishes would have tipped her off sooner, too).

(TPN Light Novel 2: Moms’ Song of Remembrance - “The Starry Sky and Leslie’s List” Chapter 9)

This could be an oddity in the translation, but Isabella also mentions how her her twelfth birthday was close enough that they could mark it on the calendar while the snow was piling up outside. Assuming they put up a new calendar at the start of January, she discovered the truth only in 2026, and then spent over half a year trying to come up with some sort of plan to escape (and isn't there a wealth of potential there, thinking of the adversarial atmosphere between her and Sarah during those few months and how that would be replicated in the next generation between her and Ray, although not 1:1.)

I don't remember which song he wanted to learn before his departure, but i think that it was a difficult one (we don't see him train a lot in the story too) and he plays it before going to the gate, without any partition to help him and without doing any mistake.

He learned to play Nocturne No.2! Though c72684, who translated the light novel, wasn't entirely certain the larger body of work it belonged to.

(TPN Light Novel 2: Moms’ Song of Remembrance - “The Starry Sky and Leslie’s List” Chapter 2)

[bosskie]

Bubble Bath

Yeah, continuing Molluck bathing theme... He is enjoying his time there. (Y)

Just needed to draw something to clear my mind but well, I have also wanted to draw something like this for a long time but nothing looked good enough... I struggled with this one too but it looks okay.

I'm still not feeling good and my mental health issues just make me feel sorry for posting content... I just recently had a desire to take my blog down, yet again... My mind makes me feel embarrassed of the quality of my works this badly... I only see all my mistakes I did in them... Well, at least I always find something to learn from. Oh, and I have fixed the retopology of my Molluck model's face, but there is still the rest of his head and torso to be fixed... It felt like doing an IQ puzzle but I'm glad that I could fix his face, and the rest is easier to fix.

I don't know how you feel when I post stuff, but I just cannot help it and feel sorry... I'm also sorry for feeling sorry because I wish that it wasn't like this... But I have just like never really liked my art... I just love to create but it's only about the process, the final product is another story. But I feel like I have improved a lot this year since this is like a first year for a long time when I really draw a lot and actually practice stuff. Last time I had such a year was like over a decade ago. It feels so odd, even impressive, to look at all my Molluck stuff from this year (so far), like how much I have actually done it... But I still feel like I have much to learn and my Mollucks need refining... But nothing is perfect and it's kinda the problem here...

But I'm still trying to go on and not to delete my blog just because of my mental health issues. I just don't know how to get rid of my self-hatred because I just hate myself for no real reason... My image of myself is just awful, despite of that it's only me and that I have been successful, been even rewarded for it multiple times... I still feel like I'm not enough and will never be... I'm so tired... I don't see the person the others see in me. I don't even understand what Molluck sees in me in my self-insert world, so I cannot even imagine that...

I'm sorry for my vent. It doesn't make me feel better but in a way that I don't feel so alone with this since I spend my days mainly all alone too, but this writing has also helped me to understand my condition better. Sometimes, I just feel sorry for even existing, but it's not as worse as it used to be years ago. I have felt sorry for even a bus driver for having to pick me up from a bus stop, me being the only person there... It took work to get rid of that but I still can feel sorry for people for even seeing me in the streets, so I often wear sunglasses even if it's not sunny, to kinda hide or just take my own space... I really don't know how to get better with this but I at least try to keep living since it's not unusual for me to think about ending it... I just cannot keep this all to myself anymore, but I don't wanna this all directly to anyone and I have no resources for proper/professional help... I also struggle with even feeling worth helping, so this is challenging... It feels like that the environment (outside my home) where I grew up left me shaped my mind quite much... I'm just so used to be different, an outsider, odd, unwanted... All just because I'm not like an average person in many ways... What a price for being different.

I'm grateful for your tolerance, that you ain't threwing any stones at me either, since well, I have experienced it too, but just little gravel stones thrown behind my back.

[morb-untamed]

Writer Interview Tag

I was tagged by @tavyliasin a pretty long time ago to do this, but I figured I'd finally get to it. Thank you so much for tagging me Lia, I'll try to answer these questions to the best of my abilities! Your interview was as delightful as it was insighting to read. I tag @miradelletarot and @likethelightfromorionabove. But no pressure to fill this at all! This text contains some descriptions of mental illness, and some pretty personal stuff. I don't get into the nitty-gritty of these subjects, but I still wanted to give a heads-up.

When did you start writing?

I cannot really put an exact date to when I started to write to be exact - as I have been imagining and writing stories for as long as I can remember. I know when I was a little child I was writing down stories even though I could barely make an interesting string of words. Unsurprisingly enough, they were about horror and fantastical creatures. So not much has changed in that regard.

Although writing has never been my #1 passion, that goes to drawing. But it has been a constant in my entire life with intervals. Before I actively started writing fanfiction I hadn't written anything creatively for over 6 years I believe! Before that I always tried to create original stories with original characters.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

This is a hard question to answer, as I have such a hard time reading in comparison to writing. I have ADHD, and either have to struggle to even attempt to finish a page in a book, or read a 500 page novel in one go. There's no in between! Although I have noticed I like to read the same themes and genres as I write about, even if it is to learn about said themes and genres and how to write them. I do have a whole collection of books, but they're mostly about art, art history, plants, nature, flowers, and some comics. Other than that I really like to get more into Warhammer 40k novels, mostly because I really like dark fantasy/sci-fi. I also really want to read more fantasy erotica books, horror (gore, paranormal, and anything that sends chills down my spine), and anything about real life mysteries!

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

Sometimes I say that the things I want to write about are far above my actual writing skills. This rings true for this question as well - as many of my writing friends know, English isn't my native language even though that's the language I write my stories in. I feel like I am far better at conveying my thoughts and emotions into writing in the English language rather than Dutch (and I think it's kinda cringy to write fanfiction in my native tongue to be honest). But this does mean my vocabulary can be lacking any diverse words at times, and grammar can be confusing at times. Thankfully I have a space where people want to help me out, and that thesaurus.com is free.

With that being said, I don't really aim to emulate any other writers. I have come across some amazing writers who post on AO3 who inspire me, but for now I'd like to hone my writing skills and see where my style takes me.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I have my own 'work' room in my home I used to write from, but ever since busting my knee even further last May I have found myself to be far more comfortable on the couch so I can keep my leg straight. It also happens to be the calmest place during the times I tend to write the most - which ranges from 8 pm to the early morning hours. But for my own sake I try to not keep it as late as I used to the past few months. Mainly because I don't want to mess up my biological clock too much while I'm stuck at home healing from surgery as of right now.

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

It really depends on my mood, what's happening in my personal life, and how inspired I feel at the same time. I always try to make myself as comfortable as I can, and tend to my needs first; am I too hot? Too cold? Do I have coffee, am I hydrated enough, and aren't there too many distractions around me? Sometimes, when I really want to write but feel like I can't I sometimes take my ADHD medication which does the trick. But I only take it if I am sure I feel good both mentally and physically as it can have averse effects if I don't.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Trauma, angst, inner conflict, and even more trauma! Trauma comes in many forms, expressions, and manifestations. And I am not surprised at all I am writing about it. I am surprised about how much catharsis I experience from writing it, and how often I ended up writing about these themes. You might not be shocked to read that I suffer from C-PTSD and anxiety with some depression on the side. I have dealt with mental illness and traumatic events for most of my life, and it feels like I have some form of control and acceptance if I write about them in my own writing, especially in my fanfiction. With that being said, I have never really written my own specific traumatic events into my writing as that's a bit too much. But they often fall in the same themes, like SA, physical and emotional abuse from family, witnessing horrible events, self-destruction, manipulation, and having to make awful decisions in order to protect yourself. I relate heavily to them, and in some ways it gives me some closure.

What is your reason for writing?

The biggest reason is that I felt this growing need and compulsion to write something specifically I wanted to read about. I have always written for myself, and will continue to do so. This rings especially true for fanfiction, which is also a reclamation for my own wants and needs. I have always wanted to write fanfiction, but for the longest time it was labeled as cringe and stupid in the circles I found myself in. I was so shy and embarrassed of what I wanted to write (and draw) about, so I have never truly been active in a fandom. I was a lurker at most, too scared to show where my imagination and creativity takes me about certain characters - let alone about my own OC's. But thankfully I grew far more comfortable in that ever since stepping foot in the BG3 community, where your OC is literally a part of the story if you want them to be! I remember @tavyliasin and some others literally had to beg me to link them to Weeping Willow as I was so scared of judgement even though I very well know they wouldn't ever make fun of me. Ever since then I have become what one might describe as unhinged in a sense. I have reclaimed being cringe, and happily yap about my oc's, canon characters, in any smutty, angsty and dumb scenario I can come up with. I am not hurting anyone, and I am having fun. And that's what's most important.

But I do admit I still sometimes struggle with the embarrassment of writing fanfiction. I still sometimes get laughed at by friends outside of the internet when I tell them about it, along with being made fun of because of it. But I try to stand my ground, always saying that they can laugh what they want, and rather make them feel weird for making fun of me having fun. It is still a process, but it is a part of reclaiming my love for myself and thus claiming space for myself.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

Honestly? My work doesn't get that much attention at all, so when it does I am beyond elated and often screenshot and save any comments I get on AO3, discord, or tumblr to look back on. But I especially love any comments from readers who are as unhinged about my writing as I am - give me all the caps lock and keysmashing!!

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

Like I said before, I don't have a lot of readers. But I do hope that those who do actively read my work think "Wow, this person really cares about the characters they write about.". I want them to remember me by my passion, weather that's from a heartbreaking scenario, an insanely detailed smut chapter, or something that sparks fire of anger within them as they read about it. That despite my shortcomings in language and ability to describe what I see in my head, they see the love and effort I put into it.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Like I mentioned in the previous question, I truly believe my passion for wanting to put the images I have floating in my head into words to share it with others is what I think is my greatest strength. I never really try to leave anything for the imagination. Aside from that, I think my other strength is that I try no matter my shortcomings. I have heard before that I am very much persevering when it comes to my goals.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

While I always try to keep in mind what a potential reader might like to read, I usually stick to what I want to read about. As I mentioned before, I started writing again for me, and to reclaim it as a form of self-love.

How do you feel about your own writing?

Honestly? I often feel like I suck at writing, no matter the love I put into it. Even though I know I have improved massively (sometimes I reread the very first chapter of Weeping Willow to see how far I've come), I never feel good enough. I am aware that that's because I'm insanely critical of myself to a torturous degree - something I have to overcome as well. I often feel like I "might as well not do it if I am not the best at something" knowing very well I am never going to be the best at anything as that's not how the world works. But that takes me back that I'm doing this for myself, not for a prestigious title, an award, or recognition from those at the top in this field of writing. Although I do admit I love any validation I get. But reminding myself that I'm doing this for myself, that there is no repercussions if I quit except for regret and that same need to realise my stories into actualisation that made me write in the first place. So I have to keep going, so I won't drive myself crazy with the sense of unfulfilment.

Thank you so much for reading if you've come this far, I feel like these questions were very much needed to remind myself why I'm writing and received motivation to get over any blockades I have as of now. So sad I'm too tired to write right now though :')

[freebooter4ever]

Despite my continued stomach/digestive issues that is making it damn hard to eat, the increased exercise has almost entirely lifted my intense depressive episode and im almost feeling 'normal' again (which is definitely helping with this letter that im spending two days writing lmao). But i keep going back to that idea of people seeing me happy vs when i am truly 'happy'. For the past year that's mostly revolved around three things: 1) voluntering at the museum - usually interacting with guests, answering questions, getting to talk at length about this history i love, seeing guests get equally as excited and enthusiastic about the place as i do. 2) hockey. I know. This is still weird to me too that i ended up liking sports. But this summer i have definitely missed that vicarious high of watching things play out live good or bad. The charity games were cute and fun to watch but without the suspense and thrill of rooting for something with thousands of others at the same time it didn't quite cut it. On the other hand i've been using hockey as a carrot like 'i need to get a job so i can afford hockey tickets!' which is silly but its better than...imagining the painful reality of what will happen if i dont have a new job by this fall. I work better by thoughts of reward than under threat. If i do manage to land something soon i promise i'll end up in pittsburgh for a game at some point - that and visiting grandma are equal priority. 3) staring at geno's face and drawing or sculpting him. Im trying not to think too hard about this one.

And now another. 4) walking around the studio's manufacturing warehouse. I promised myself on sunday that i would play it cool, be professional, dont geek out over everything. I did not do that. I was grinning the entire time, i literally could not stop myself from smiling i was so excited. I think i said 'wow' and 'that's so cool!' a lot, too much maybe. At the end of the very in depth tour during which i asked so many questions i felt like a kid, the guy told me he was going to go back inside and 'work on some programming' before he left. And pushing my luck i was all 'i know with NDA stuff this might not be possible but could i just watch???'. And he tried to insist it would be boring but i promised him i absolutely would find it fascinating. Partially because i knew he wasn't talking about my kind of programming - scripted languages, machine code instruction - he was talking about some kind of interface programming. And sure enough he showed me the sine waves and explained a little how to generate them from data or how to create them from scratch, all as he was working on the model. And i was just sitting there enraptured.

so that was sunday. Supposed to be last tuesday, then moved to saturday, then finally sunday...but well worth the wait.

[animelovelover123]

DMC Boys x Reader – I Want to Feel Fear

Parings: Dante, Reboot Dante, Vergil, Reboot Vergil, Nero, V, Sparda x Reader (Reader is gender neutral except in Sparda’s story where Reader is female)

Synopsis/Author's Note: The DMC boys are asked to do some CNC. And not the light dubious consent stuff. No, the reader wants it hard. To feel fear, to cry and scream, to fight like their life depends on it but still be held down and used.

Well damn. What are the boys going to do with you?

Disclaimer: All acts in this story are done by consenting participants acting out a fantasy with no true threat to either's well-being. If you are reading this, please understand that drawing/writing/reading/imagining things of this nature does NOT equate to desiring or supporting real-world assault.

Trigger Warnings: CNC, stalking, kidnapping, imprisonment, drugging, knife play, somno, predator/pray play, blood play, implied pregnancy sex, threatening of humiliation, implied semi-public masturbation, sadism, degrading comments, overstimulation, not beta read

Dante

Oh my… who knew his little angel was so devilish?

Sure, why not? Dante has entertained plenty of people with some freaky kinks, so he knows there isn’t anything wrong with two adults consensually doing some nasty stuff. He’s down to try if it will make you happy. Now, how to go about it…

You’re a demon hunter and his longtime partner so he knew you could handle being roughed up a bit. But what exactly are you looking for babe?

A sudden strike by a stranger (played by Dante)?

Some predator and prey hunting?

Some public humiliation?

Well… maybe not that last one because Dante causes that all the time with his antics anyway.

What would he like? Dante had to sit and think about that one. This is a whole new world he has never really explored before.

But you know, there was this one fantasy he had. And if he just cranked up the aggression then… Ya, that could work.

With a final shot, the last demon’s screech was silenced. As Dante set Rebellion on his back, keeping Ebony in his left hand, he looked over at you. You looked so sweet and vulnerable as your trembling subsided and your puffy red eyes with pupils blown wide relaxed a bit as the last of your attackers, as far as the character you were playing knew, evaporated. It was a weak and timid version of you he rarely got to see.

“Thank you so much for saving me, sir.” You say as you stepped down from the create you had climbed on to get out of reach of the calf-tall demons that had attacked you.

“Well, I couldn’t just sit back and let the world lose out on such a pretty little thing now could I?” As Dante draws closer to you, he watches you put on a shy little smile at his compliment. How cute. Too bad he won’t be seeing it for a while. “Unfortunately though I don’t run a charity so I’m gonna need to be paid for my hard work.”

“Pay?” Your relaxed posture tensed back up quickly.

“Yep, got bills to pay you know. Now let’s see…” With his free hand, Dante stroked his chin in exaggerated thought. In his other, he twirled Ebony around purposely within your field of view. “with it being an out-of-the-blue job that took time out of my busy day… I’d say 30 sounds about fair.” Dante announced in a particular way just so he could see your eyes light up with hope so he could dash it.

“30 bucks?”

Dante chuckled.

“No sweetheart, 30 thousand.”

“30 thousand dollars!? I’m sorry but don’t have that kind of money.” You keep talking, pleading your case, but Dante made a loud humming noise that told you he was too busy thinking to listen.

“You know,” He eventually says, cutting you off. “I think I can make an exception for someone as cute as you.” He gives a playful wink as he stops playing with Ebony to press its muzzle into the crown of your hair. With just enough force for you to take the hint, Dante presses down on you until you sink to your knees. “I know just how you can pay me.”

===+===+===

After swallowing, as ordered, you are finally able to wrench your head back, freeing yourself from the repeated gaging to drag in fresh air. You start to catch your breath, though each gasp makes your sore throat burn. You glance up at Dante who has since moved his gun from your head and now slouched over you, hands on the create behind you, with closed eyes and heavy breaths as his high washes off. Seeing this as your chance you turn and start to crawl away. You make it a couple of feet before you’re grabbed by your hair, not pulled back but held in place.

“Where do you think you’re going, sweetheart?” Dante practically growls. “You aren’t done paying your bill.”

“But,” You stay in place, too scared to move. “I just…”

“Auwh, did I forget to tell you?” Dante moved to squat down beside you so he could look at your fearful expression. “I charge by the corps. Now remind me again, how many demons were there?”

“S-six.”

Dante gave a wolfish grin.

===+===+===

“Where are you taking me?” You whine, far too tired to cry out at this point. You are moved from where Dante had thrown you over his should and dropped onto the back seats of Dante’s open-roofed car, your head behind the driver’s seat.

“I’m taking you back to my place.” Dante circles the car but instead of sliding into the front seat, he places one hand on the back door and the other on the driver seat headrest. Using them as leverage he leans over you, blocking out the sun and casting a shadow over your delightfully confused and concerned face.

“Your place? But I paid off my debt, didn’t I?”

“Yep, that you did. Even gave a little extra tip.” Dante shot you a toothy grin. “But you know what? I might just be addicted to that perfect little body of yours. So, I think I’m gonna keep you. It’ll be nice coming home every day to such a sexy cockwarmer.”

Reboot Dante

Really? You’re into that?

Surprisingly Dante actually rejects your request at first.

The idea of forcefully taking you at some club or in an alley just brings up memories of the times Dante has beaten some prick half to death for trying the same thing.

It will take a little convincing, along with some extra good treatment to rack up some IOU’s, but you can get him on board.

He’s still a bit hesitant so you need to start him with something he is a bit more comfortable with, something he is used to.

Dante and you are well accustomed to fooling around in places you probably shouldn’t. It helped that Dante had spent most of his life being sporadically homeless so he knew all sorts of nooks and crannies where a person or two could hide away from prying eyes.

So, take those moments, add a sprinkle of anonymity and a heaping cup of force, and now we’re talking.

You stand holding open one of the back doors of your friend’s car, allowing others to pile in so you can snag the window seat. Just as the last person slides into place, you hear the cocking of a gun.

“Don’t move,” Came a gruff male voice, sounding both loud enough to be heard but also distant. You knew it well, but still tensed up on instinct. “act calm.”

“You comin’?” Asks one of your friends in a joking tone, looking up at you with a blissfully unaware smile.

“Tell em your walking home.” Came the voice again, plenty loud enough to be heard by your friends, but it was only you with the power to hear him. You give your friends the lie you had been fed. They questioned you a bit but eventually drove off, none the wiser. “Go back into the fair.” The gun behind you makes a noise, possibly pointing in the direction the man wanted you to go.

No matter what it was, it served to snap you out of your panicked obedience as the reality of the situation came back to you. You stay stalk still, brain hastily fliting through thoughts but unable to settle on one.

“Hey, get going.” The man pushes, impatience evident in his voice and in another fidget of the gun. Without thinking you defiantly shake your head. Before taking your next breath the gun fires. The firing has a similar distant sounding quality to it as the man’s voice, but the explosion of the streetlight above you is too close.

“I told you to move.” Snaped the man. This time you follow orders.

You moved stiffly but with purpose, following instructions to a tee as the man tells you when and where to turn. You don’t speak, don’t turn around, don’t try to run for fear of ending up like that streetlight.

“Get on the freewheel, alone.” The last word came out with a bit of venom. The line was short as it was near closing time, so it didn’t take long for it to be your turn. The enclosed cabin shifts a bit under your weight as you step on, and as the door is closing it shifts again. You and the man ride a quarter of the rotation, the cabin halfway up where no one on the ground could see you, before he gives his next command.

“Lift up your top and drop your pants.” Even though you could have seen this coming, the suddenness made your brain stutter. Another loud clack of the gun got your hands moving again. Despite the intense trembling of your hands, you are able to undo and push down your pants, letting them fall to the cabin floor. “Underwear too.” This time you do struggle a bit, though out of nervousness as you look outside of the cabin to see all the people milling about down below. When the smaller cloth joins your pants you only barely catch a guttural groan from behind you. “Sit and spread your legs.” This order actually gets you something, aside from embarrassment. It gives you the first chance to look at your assailant, or it would have if he was truly there.

You had only recently started your medium training with Kat so you couldn’t make out any features of the man in Limbo. All you see is a white fog-like mass in the shape of a man looking down at you while pointing a gun-shaped object at your chest. A gun that could very much kill you through the division of realities.

“Don’t forget your top.” He said, motioning with his gun at the hem. As you pull your shirt up to reveal your chest, but not off, the figure sits on the bench across from you. The gun doesn’t drift from its target in the slightest. “Now touch yourself.”

“What!?”

“You heard me.” There was no compassion in the man’s voice. If anything, there was humor, as if he was amused by your shame. “Get yourself off. Right here, right now.”

“But…” Your voice trails off as you look out of the cabin window. “the ride will end soon.” The freewheel had made half its rotation.

“Don’t worry,” The figure shifted. “it usually takes about an hour for the fire truck to get here to help people off.” The figure lifts from his seat to lean out the cabin window and take a shot down towards the ground. You hear the harsh screeching of a bullet cutting through metal and the freewheel immediately comes to a screeching halt, leaving your cabin just shy of the top where no one could possibly look in at what you were doing.

“You better get the show on the road.” The man taunted as he sat back down, one hand pointing the gun back at you while the other reached down towards his crotch. “Times ticking and I’m not letting you stop until we’re both done.”

Vergil

You wish to be dominated? Well, he agrees there was no better person than him to do that for you.

Despite being far more sophisticated than most demons and being able to hide your physical traits, so much so that you lived among humans with none the wiser, you were a full demon. A demon whose body had exceptional healing powers because, no matter what gender you fell into, every one of your species was predisposed to be taken by more powerful demons. It’s just how your people were, always ready and waiting to be dominated. And even though you had formed more humanity than most others of your kind, the desire was still there.

Vergil understood this, having studied demonology extensively and having sensed your demonic energy calling out to his, enticing him to act.

Up until then, even though he was more in tune with his demon half than his human half, he was far too disciplined and civilized to give in to such boorish desires. His goal was to gain power and control. Giving into his lust and taking you, one of the several demons that served under him, would not bring him closer to that objective.

And yet, when you came to him proclaiming your affection and desire for him an alluring rush of dominance came over him. It wasn’t the same feeling as when he defeated an opponent in combat or even when his followers bowed for him. This was deeper, intimate, primal.

It was no use. Even with the generous head start you had been given, no matter how far, how long, or how fast you ran he was there. Sometimes behind you, sometimes appearing in front of you, but always close, as if you were but a worm desperately trying to crawl away from a swooping bird. You were too easy a target when in open areas so had tried to make this more difficult for your pursuer by zigzagging in a densely forested area, but that only slowed him slightly. Still, it slowed him, so to a denser area you ran. Particularly, you started squeezing your way through bushes and overgrown demonic thorny areas where standing straight or walking was an impossibility. This worked for a couple of minutes, even giving you brief moments of reprieve as the sound of his movements and perturbed tisks faded behind the foliage on occasion. However, with him already being on edge with his dragged-out arousal, this obstacle only served to ignite his frustration. With easy flicks of the Yamato the offending plants were sliced to ribbons. Upon noticing this and realizing that continuing to slither through vines while Vergil cut through them was only slowing you down, you leave the dense plants back into the forest. You don’t make it more than a few feet through before an ethereal blade of blue energy pierces your torso, knocking the air from your lungs and pushing your upper body forward harshly, causing you to fall to the ground. Just as you are catching your breath and attempting to lift onto your hands and knees a boot plants itself firmly on your back and forces you back down.

“Foolish.” Vergil calmly said as the summon sword dissolved away, allowing your body to begin its rapid repair of the hole left behind. “Did you really think some fauna would protect you?”

The moment your wound is healed enough you swiftly slash at the leg pinning you down. He kicks your hand back, but in turn lifts his foot from your back. You take the opportunity and scurry out from under him but his hand grabs the back of your head and slams it down into the dirt for your disobedience. An exposed tree root slashed open your brow, spilling blood down your already red face.

“I seem to have underestimated your audacity,” Vergil kneels down, one leg atop your back to hold you in place. “and overestimated your intelligence.” He lifts your head from the dirt by pulling back on your hair. The streams of blood from your, already healed, brow cut caught Vergil’s attention. His cold eyes start to glow and he unconsciously flashes into his demon form as he leans forward to taste your spilled blood. A pleased yet unsatisfied rumbling growl slips from his lips as he pulls back to look at your now teary-eyed face. “Did you truly think I would simply let you go?”

Reboot Vergil

He is glad you came to him for this.

Not just because Vergil is your lover and is happy you trust him enough to admit your darker desires. It was because Vergil knew plenty of ways to get what he wanted out of someone without leaving lasting damage.

True, none of his previous experiences were done with the intent of gaining sexual pleasure but if you were the one in the chair that would come naturally.

What was important was that he knew how to track and kidnap someone without causing alarm. He knew all sorts of ways to tie down a person to make them unable to move, to restrict their breathing, to stick them to any surface, all while leaving space to get at vital areas. He could find pressure points to abuse, both physically and mentally. He knew how to keep someone quiet and how to make them talk. Vergil knew how far he could push a person before they irreparably break.

Even with this knowledge, or perhaps because of it, he doesn’t just jump right in. He takes a few weeks to gather more information on your interests and your limits. Most of his testing is done secretly, through things like training, medical testing, and a bit rougher sex.

How flexible are you? How long can you hold a position? Are you allergic to any food, materials, or medications? How well can you breathe through different materials or with extra pressure on your chest? How long can he keep you awake? How much can he make you cum before it starts to hurt, and how many more until its unbearable?

By the time he actually formulates a plan of attack he knows you, your interests and your limits, better than you know yourself.

Your consciousness raises and falls, like a fishing float bobbing in the water trying to stay afloat while something weighs it back down. In your flickering between memories and dreams, you think back to when you fell asleep. Or, to be more accurate, when you were put to sleep.

You had just entered your home. Nothing felt strange or out of place as you strolled into your bedroom, closing the door behind you. There were only a couple of seconds of peace before something came from behind you and covered your face. It seemed like a mask, as it was shaped to fit the curves of a human face, yet there were no holes to see or breathe through. The inside was a damp cloth-like material that smiled of bitter medicine and the outside was a hard plastic, which you found out when your body instinctively started clawing at the thing. You also found a gloved hand holding the mask to your face.

Another arm wrapped around your upper half, pinning your curled-up arms to your chest. The pressure on your front forces you back until you’re pressed against the broad chest of a sturdy body. You then try to kick your legs back and though you feel the impact the other person’s legs don’t buckle, only brace themselves. Your consciousness starts to fade away as you desperately gasp for air through the cover. In a last-ditch effort, you try to crouch down to slip from the assailant’s arms but they simply hold you aloft as if you were a small, weak, helpless dog. The last thing you remember is your limbs feeling so heavy that they fall slack.

“You’re finally awake.” Noted a close yet muffled voice, bringing your thoughts back to the present. You finally crack your eyes open to see Vergil, turned away as he types on his laptop which sat on a side table. You, in your laying position atop a cushioned table, try to lift your hand up and towards him but soon find that you can’t. Not only do your limbs feel so heavy that your stiff muscles are unable to move them more than teetering, but also because there were leather straps binding your wrists and ankles to the table. The sound of your attempted movement brings Vergil’s eyes to you, browse straight in a relaxed observance and mouth covered by a surgical mask. “Try not to move around too much, you wouldn’t want to dislodge the needle and cause unnecessary harm.” Vergil explained as he carefully pushed the side table out of the way.

Though unable to lift your head you can turn enough to see a needle imbedded in your arm from the corner of your eye. It was similar to an IV drip but what was actually being injected was unknown to you, though you could hazard a guess that whatever it was what was causing your limbs to be so heavy and muscles so weak.

Suddenly Vergil grabbed your chin with his gloved hand and turned your head towards him.

“Speak.” He ordered like you were a dog who still hadn’t learned the trick. “Let me hear your voice.” He didn’t move an inch more, not until you verbally responded. He was looking, though not hoping, for a particular word.

“Vergil, why?” You say clearly, not giving the word but proving that the chemicals in your body weren’t stopping you from doing so. Your words don’t seem to get a reaction out of him. He does release your chin though, instead trailing his fingertips up your jaw and then down your neck and chest, showing that even though your body was heavy it still felt touch just as, if not more, intense as it usually did.

“Well,” Vergil lifted his hand from your body. “you see,” He reached into his coat pocket and produced a pocketknife. “I thought I had made my feelings clear when I transferred you to be my personal assistant.” The knife flipped open to reveal a six-inch blade. “And yet you just don’t seem to get it.” Vergil drags the tip of the knife down your chest, not hard enough to break through the fabric but so you can feel the danger drag against your skin. “I have realized,” You hear a click under the table and then the whirling of machines as the bottom half of the table starts to split in two and fold, in turn forcing your legs open and your knees to bend. “that waiting around until you notice my affection isn’t going to work. So,” Vergil slides the knife’s dull side down to your crotch before flipping it around so its curved tip pierces the cloth covering your crotch. “I must make them undeniably clear to get through to you.” In one quick, calculated movement Vergil slices through your clothing, opening up your top layer completely and putting enough of a hole in your underwear that he can easily tear them open. “And if that means filling your body and mind with nothing but me, then so be it.”

Nero

W-what!?

Nero panics a bit when you first tell him. Growing up in a religious town where sex out of wedlock and prostitution were treated as criminal offenses resulted in him having a very limited knowledge of sex and all its facets. He is able to calm down once you explain things to him: how it would all just be an act and that you only want to do these sorts of things with him.

That doesn’t mean he can handle doing it though. Sure, he can get rough with people like Dante and Credo, but if he senses the slightest bit of fear in someone like you or Kyrie he launches into protective mode. How was hesupposed to be the one causing the fear?

Yet he was also the kind of partner who was eager to please so he would try for you. ‘Try’ being the operative word here because the moment you start tearing up and pretend to plead for him to stop, he falls apart.

He got close, once, but it was far from satisfying. It was a simple scenario. Nero knocks on your door claiming to be a delivery man. When you open your door he forces his way in, has his way with you, and then escapes. Except he kept breaking character to ask if you were okay and if you wanted to stop, despite already having a safe word. And after the deed was done, Nero was supposed to leave for 5-10 minutes to let you stew in the moment. He didn’t even last half a minute before he barged back in to check on you and start apologizing.

It takes a while but eventually you two do find a middle ground that satisfies you both. One that coincidently utilized his engineering skills.

Nero hummed a tune to himself as he cleaned Blue Rose to fill the silence. With how often he wanted to hide away in his room as a teenager, Nero is surprised by how uncomfortable silence felt now that he moved out of his adopted family’s home. Then again, he usually had you to fill the quiet with but not right now. Speaking of which…

Nero looked over at his laptop which fed him consistent diagnostics and just as he did an error suddenly popped up. Looks like his experiment stopped. Did something malfunction or did you turn it off? Either way, he needed to check on it.

As Nero descended the long set of stairs to the basement, he took note of the lack of noise revibrating off the brick walls. That probably meant you weren’t up and about then.

His suspicion was proven correct when he reached the bottom step and there you sat atop the modified tobibako, just as he had left you. You noticed his presence, turning towards him but not saying anything, not that the silk rope in your mouth would let you say anything coherent.

“Sorry for the hold-up,” Nero said as he placed his laptop on the floor beside the end of the tobibako and plugged it in directly so it could run a proper scan of the mechanisms. “I’ll try to get this fixed up quickly.” The first step was to check the wireless kill switch.

It was still in place, untouched, clipped into the bottom level of the tobibako. It sat right where you could easily reach with your right foot, even if the chains attached to the cuffs around your ankles were wound so tight that you couldn’t lift your feet from the floor on either side of the tobibako. Still, just to be sure you hadn’t been left without an escape, he flicked the switch. Instantly the shackles holding your legs in place unlatched and the metal tube locking your arms behind your back opened up. As the tube, and the stand holding it up, retracted back into its compartment, you slump, hands coming forward to slow your descent until your heaving chest is pressed into the cushioned top level of the tobibako.

It didn’t take long for Nero’s laptop to finish its scan, informing its owner where the problem lay. Thankfully it was an easy fix, but it would take a couple of minutes which was fine with Nero. It gave you a chance to catch your breath and/or tell him if you were done for the day. When you didn’t move, and he even caught a blissed smile through the gag, he knew you were enjoying yourself.

“Alright,” Nero closed the hatch and looked to his laptop to make sure all systems were go. “that otta do it.”

You finch, realizing what his words entailed. But before you can move Nero activates the ‘middle link’ which was a curved mettle bar that, since you were laying across the top layer, looped around your midsection to lock you in place. He had built it with your measurements in mind so it wasn’t so tight it restricted your breathing, but it held you flush against the tobibako as it sprung back to life. The top layer vibrated aggressively while the extended lump pressed against your crotch vibrated violently.

You nearly scream behind your gag while your legs flailed and your hands cling to the tobibako as if it could steady you.

“Thanks again for helping me with testing.” Nero said while moving the kill switch from the bottom level to the top, taking a moment to grasp your trembling fingers and lead them to the button so you knew where it was and he knew that you could reach it. “Though with the holdup I may have to extend the timer so I can collect enough data.” You let out a long whine in protest but all you get is Nero’s fingers running through your damp hair. “Not too much longer, don’t worry. Just another… say… 40 minutes until your snack break?”

V

So these are the desires you have been holding back.

Though catching him a bit off guard, V is fully accepting and supportive of your fantasy.

As a lover of poetry, he has read countless works of literature describing the pleasures brought on by any and every manner of things. And so, though he does not feel it himself, V can understand how one would find it alluring to have someone so attracted to you that they are overtaken with passion, momentarily abandoning common sense or morality to satisfy their desire for you.

The only issue holding V back from satisfying your needs was his lack of strength. Though not as frail as his thin body may have you believe, V was still leagues behind his fellow demon hunters, which you were one of.

If you did lose yourself in fear and panic, as you said you wanted to, then V would be no match against your struggle. His physical strength in battle came from his familiars, and he was dead set against utilizing them for such intimate things. He also refuses to incapacitate you through alcohol, drugs, or serious injury. And even if he attempted to use restraints on you, you would throw him off with ease which would quickly shatter the illusion.

Fortunately, it is discovered that your thrill is more so in the fear of being hunted and being powerless to stop it.

An almost supernatural shadow, oppressive, untouchable, and always looming close by no matter how far you run? That, V could do.

You can hear them, the footsteps, ever encroaching closer but never reaching you. The cool night air both added to the chill seeping into your bones yet was not enough to cool your adrenalin-filled boiling blood. You would think having stuck to a main road sprinkled with cars and pedestrians would have brought you comfort, but even through the clamor you could hear the distinct footsteps. The light flicks of leather souls hitting the concrete then snapping back up to the foot, the light clinking of chains, and the tapping of a pointed cane. The sounds, kept uneven purposely to garner the attention of those looking for it, rang in your head like an alarm. And just like an alarm should, your fight or flight instincts kick in and you take off sprinting. You race home as fast as your feet can take you, desperate to escape the looming dread and go back to the one place you were safe.

This hope was shattered when you step into your home to find one of your empty vases not sitting on your coffee table filled with a bouquet of red salvias, camellias, and red begonias.

Now knowing that your home was no longer the safe haven you thought it was, you rush to pack an overnight bag. As you race from room to room you keep an eye out for anything that was new, was missing, or had been used/moved. Your favorite cup had been used and washed; your pillows and blanket had been rearranged; and your shampoo had been used. There were no more gifts, but a few articles of clothing were unaccounted for.

===+===+===

A notification sound from your cellphone snapped you out of your groggy staring at the damp hand towel hanging over the bathroom faucet. It was definitely one of the hotel’s towels, you could tell by the embroidery despite having been in such a rush to sleep anywhere but home that you didn’t even know the name of the hotel you had booked a room in. But why was it damp and hanging over the faucet for drying?

As you wracked your half-awake brain trying to remember if you had used a hand towel last night, you return to the main room. You flop back down onto the overly soft bed and grab your phone. You quickly spring to alert though when you see that the notification was of a text message. To be more specific, it was an image sent via text message from that unknown number. The one that had been periodically sending you photographs without any message to accompany them.

Though hesitant, you take a look at the newest photo. It was of you, in this very hotel room, sound asleep. This time though, instead of being one of you taken from relatively far away or through a window like all the previous ones, this photo was taken closer. So close that the person who took it must have been laying in the bed beside you. Your sleeping face is at peace in the photo, blissfully unaware of the tattoo-covered hand caressing your cheek, smearing the strip of fresh cum.

Sparda

How curious.

Sparda, as a demon, was well aware that many demons desire the thrill of the chase and revel in the act of forcefully taking or being taken. Nonconsensual union was just as common as consensual union in the demon world.

But when he had awoken to justice, he took on a more human moral stance which included the belief that those who took from others what was not offered were criminals.

Clearly, he had more to learn about humans and the vast grey areas in which their beliefs could lay. And he counted himself so very lucky to have you, his loving and patient wife, by his side to show him all the complexities of humanity.

Of course he will fulfill your desires and, speaking honestly, he himself will enjoy indulging a bit in his demonic urges.

What a shame though that not long after you both started to explore this new facet of your marriage, your fragile human body became even weaker.

So be it. Sparda knew how to bring you the same please even with this slight complication.

The sound of approaching footsteps catches your attention. You shift your naked body into a sitting position, which is the most you can do with how short the chains that bind your hands to the headboard and feet to separate bed posts are.

“I have returned dear.” Sparda announced, casually stepping through your shared bedroom door in his human form with a plate in hand.

“Sparda.” Is all you can whimper out as your husband stalks closer, his already impressive 7-foot height seeming even more intimidating with you sitting.

“I must say, I am very disappointed in you my dear.” His apparent perturbed mood could not be heard in his voice or seen in the way he gently placed the plate he had been carrying onto the side table, in turn revealing freshly cooked hashbrowns, an omelet, and a select few pieces of fruit. “The kitchen staff have informed me that you haven’t been eating as of late.” This wasn’t actually true, you were eating just fine, but that’s not part of the show you were both performing.

“Sparda please.” You beg, yanking against the cuffs binding your wrists together to show what you were asking for, but your plea was ignored.

“You can not be neglecting your heath like this.” Sparda took a seat on the edge of the bed beside you, his height making it so he still towered over you. “You need your proper nutrients, especially now that you are not eating only for yourself.” Sparda reaches a hand out to caress your inflated stomach. “You must think of the children dear. They are relying solely on you and your body to nurture them until they are ready to meet the world.”

“Please, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t live like this.” You try to move off the bed but can’t even get both feet to the edge of it, let alone stand up. Sparda pauses then, watching your eyes blown wide in fear and puffy red hinting that you had cried at some point. Despite your desperate expression, you did not give the agreed-upon safe word, so he pressed forward.

“I know that the changes you are going through can be frightening,” His free hand finds yours and gives a light squeeze as if to comfort you. “but this is how things must be. Now that I have chosen you to carry my kin I must keep all three of you safe while you are in this delicate state of creation.”

“Then after?” You cut in, grasping his hand in both of yours and pulling it to your chest. “After I have these children will you let me go?” You looked so very hopeful, but it didn’t last as Sparda chuckled ever so lightly like you were a naïve child asking for a wish to be granted.

“Of course not. The twins need their mother. And who is to say I shall settle for just two heirs? Now then,” Sparda turned just as your face fell into a look of despair. He plucked half of a strawberry off of the plate he had brought in. “it is time for you to eat, my dear.” He holds the fruit to your lips but you turn away with a glare. He responds with one of his own as he grabs hold of your chin and again tries to slide the fruit piece into your mouth. This time you jerk your head back and use a foot to try and push him off the bed in defiance. He does not budge though. He lets out a long, deep sigh as he replaces the strawberry on the plate. “Why must you make things so difficult for yourself?” Sparda moves from a sitting position to a kneeling one. As he forces your legs open you can feel his hands shift momentarily into his demon claws as a warning. “It seems I will have to pacify you first.”

[alteration-au]

I am rambling a lot in this post. If you see this because I tagged you, I just wanna tell you that you and your art, be it writing or drawing, is amazing so you don’t have to read through this entire thing.

As of the 25th of December 2023 this AU is three years old

(Well, to be 100 % accurate it was the 20th with a little oneshot)

Putting it all together (according to AO3 statistics and excluding all the tumblr post on the @traitor-on-board story blog and the very few on @adventure-time-alterationau) I've written 126,855 words for this AU in the past three years.

According to my word document I have for ToB, that Blog has additionally 46,258 words alone.

The whole Henry Stickmin fandom is special to me. It's unlike any other fandom I've ever read comics and fanfics, admired fanart and animations or created content myself for.

It's fun to create for this fandom.

We've been given so many characters with so little background information and one of the things I love the most is seeing all the different designs, backstories and characterizations of the same characters. Be it the ones in the background with only a bio with a single sentence, the references to other games like Mario and A hat in time or the main characters like Henry, Charles, Ellie, Reginald and so on.

And I've barely seen people argue about their different headcanons.

Granted, I've grown past the part of my life where I actively seek out drama and noone is obligated to publicly or at all answer rude anonymous asks, but I haven't really seen anyone make a post about how a certain character can't be trans or gay or have a certain type of backstory that they do not agree with.

We can all be peaceful and appreciate each others creativity and love for the fandom and characters. Even if that love means to put them through hell and back and traumatize them beyond belief. (I've never written so much angsty stuff in my life...)

So... in celebration of me not having abandoned any of my stories yet and me roping my friend into this fandom to the point where they share their work with this fandom (btw. "Rare Hearts" on AO3) a thank you to all the blogs / people, aside from every single Kudo, Comment and Star on Wattpad, AO3 and here, who inspired me in the first place and keep my love for this fandom alive. And if you've made it this far I highly encourage you to check them out.

@ending-the-cycle-ask (Which is one of my favorite comics of all time. Is it a comic? Ask-blog with drawings? Comic with reader-input?)

ask-crashed-copperright and run-away-toppats (Which sadly doesn't seem to exist anymore...)

@sir-subpar and @jazzstarrlight (Who both seemed to have moved on from the fandom. But it doesn't change that they're both talented artists and are still doing great work)

@ask-thsc-blog (Who has so many posts that I'll just finally need to take an entire weekend off to scroll all the way down to catch up with the story again)

@unicwolf (Who I am constantly bothering to beta-read my stuff or help me with color theory. And just art in general)

@capturecharlesau (Whos' Terrence (and entire AU) will never leave my brain again because of his story and the similarities and differences he has to my Terrence. And my Terrence would try to murder CCTerrence)

[poupeesdecirque]

Hobby Update.

For quite some time I have been sitting on a drafted hobby update entry, I wrote it back in October.

I took the last step this week and left one hobby space I loved for years.

I can tell 2023 was a quite difficult year for me in doll hobby terms, well, on the social side. A lot of things have changed.

For the last week, since I left the space, feel like a huge load fell off my chest, it's coincidence that a lot of things arrived this week and some orders finally came to an end, it's still on going in some cases but I can tell I feel ... free?

My close friends know I have been struggling with a lot of things in hobby terms as I am trying to care for myself more and some people were constantly poisoning my mind.

My conclusion right now is I love my creative hobbies, I don't want to end any of all but I also don't want to feel like I need to hide my decisions. I know I don't need to but being reduced to just "having a lot of" while I am using the dolls as blank canvas and learned how to sculpt my own head, learned to do face ups, to make wigs, full clothing sets, I draw, I write, I take photos, I can use my knowledge on cosplay and cosplay knowledge on the dolls. I am versatile. Also it's my way to cope with stress. I am stressed I draw, I sew, I write. Take that away from me and I will become a braindead mess.

2023 showed me that I hate certain parts of the doll community, I hate the binge & purge mindset, I hate that you are reduced to be a "content creator", I am not. I don't put out mindless stuff I pour my heart into every creation, every photo, every display, every drawing.

People have expectations of me, and I can't and won't cater their interests anymore. I got shit for so many things and I want to step away from that. Disconnecting from the community is the best I can do right now. Will I return? I can't tell that now. I need my distance for now.

I want to create my own little cosy places and I am thankful for everyone who became a friend with me during the last years.

2024 will be full of dolls, full of fun projects, full of sewing, crafting, creating, full of cosplay, full of traveling. It will be full of meeting friends, learning new things, challeging myself.

I want to get this off my chest as well. If you are interested in a glimpse of my feelings during the last months... behind the cut is the old entry.

Here is my original drafted journal from the 24th October.

For those who are knowing me for longer (and with that I mean longer than this blog here exist) there is the fact I cut ties with several communities over the years. Not only doll ones but different too. It all had several reasons over the last two decades but I won't go that much into detail here.

I am about to do the same again and I know I don't owe anyone an explanation why, but I need to get it out of my head and that's what I made this blog for in the first place. This is subjective I will not discuss anything about it and you can't change how I perceive it, I know I have my flaws too, not innocent, no saint. I just want to get steam off. Thanks.

Don't read further if just the pure art content interests you :)

Two years ago I had a literal doll burn out, I overstressed myself with keeping up on releases "because omg they are so cool" and pressured myself to get customs done in inhumane speed, that sucked all energy from me and I only saw mistakes and hated my work.

It was the time I picked up watching Anime again and fell into DGM and that brought me my love for not only Anime/Mana back but also for the dolls. My focus shifted into doing fan based dolls again. I can say my relationship with OC dolls isn't on par with what it was before the burn out but I will come to that later on.

In the last two years the hobby changed, not only because I had a different approach to it but because of the people who joined the places I used to socialize within the hobby.

First the type, who is annyoing, but well you can ignore quite well. It's people who glorify buying every clothing fullset they can get their hands on and the only love they show for the hobby is actually telling everyone to do the same and just buy half of taobao, like they do. I know people like this were common in before but it got out of hand the last years. You don't buy from taobao? You don't even consider it? Well, you are not part of the club anymore. We always had brand snobs, nothing new. But the amount of energy regarding taobao got quite annyoing.

That's a thing you can ignore, as mentioned, what I can't ignore is stealing ideas or telling lies or just downtalking every release you come across.

And those three type of people is what just makes me leave the hobby spaces I am in.

First of all if something goes wrong just have the balls to apologize to everyone who is involved. Don't go telling lies, don't go and show you basically do what you said I can't do just in another shape. This behaviour took something from me I loved within the hobby: seeing how people grow with their dolls, because I had to block whole areas as I got constantly reminded of person X. I was reminded of situations, of being told my opinion doesn't matter, several times, I got reminded that handcraft work means nothing as long as you can sculpt on a pc and just vomit out products to hide the fact you messed up something else. Oh and of course the "how can't you have time for fast progress"? Coming from a burn out trying to slow down while the real life basically ate me ... ahaha. thanks. And all that despite the fact the people who are causing those problems for me are protected by everyone, oh beware if you dare to say a word. It started with one person and got a bigger mess over the time.

This overall leads to the fact that somehow almost all preorders from non-Asian artists were all super chewy or went horribily wrong for me in the last 3 years. Started with ZeligenArt whom at least popped up after calling out, the clusterfuck with IntotheDeepDolls to the failed Preorder with AceofDolls to Logan.Dolls taking forever with several reminders, or the one with LenaRuiiz I'm still in I literally don't have the nerves to go into details here anymore as it just tires me out. Oh and the post eating my Parcel from Mirror didn't help much either, but that was out of control for us both and Mirror replaced the lost heads for me and just send them out. I don't have the patience for this anymore, I just want them all to be done. That's the reason why I kept pushing back some dolls, normally I do them by arrival. In one(!) preorder case I was asked directly(!) if I want a refund instead of my heads, but I was waiting for 1 1/2 years now, I didn't want to end up with nothing/or even less than I have begun with.

Then we have the audacity of people using other people's creations as their own and only mentioning it briefly, after they got popular with the doll/character "they" have created. If you have references just tell people you have used them. There is nothing wrong with that.

I can't overlook the fact of people 1:1 taking someone's character and slapping on another name and calling them theirs though. There is something going very wrong here.

Then we have the people being nasty about releases that don't fit their aesthetics (yes I am aware this is a thing for years, don't come at me I was member of Den of Demons I know the drill), comparing them to real people and downtalking people they never met and never will understand their beauty standards.

Those 4 types are ruining what I learned to love after leaving the bitch fights of my local community. The support, the open ears, the - we grow together - even when we have different tastes. I miss that.

I know i have withdrawn from telling my OC's backstories as there were too many putting their expectations on how I have to do dolls onto me. I stopped sharing even more photos ... which resulted in people thinking I'm just that one person with a lot of dolls. Sigh. I know growing a thick skin, I'm healing from being a people pleaser and all but in the end ...

i love the dolls. I love the hobby. I love being creative, I love sharing my joy, I love seeing how other people get inspired, how they grow and not this "fast"-fashion type of mentality that somehow came into the hobby. I hate THAT.

I love the people I met and have conversations with, but I don't love how I feel like not part of the hobby anymore, like someone like me don't have space anymore because I just want to have fun, I don't want to buy brand x, and I don't want to be urged to buy size Y, I don't want to reduced to the number of dolls I have - because every finished doll is a huge project for me, all tell a story, some a whole epic book some more just a small article. Because I don't want to be a sassy asshole, because I can't read the irony among the lines when people making fun of me, I take this literally.

I just have no idea anymore if there is a space for me. As I write this I have unboxed a new head and the excitement of having it here, it's still there, I love the hobby, but fell out of love with what the community space - that once felt like home to me - has become.

I will continue my blog, as I like to see my own progress and smile at what I have created. And as long as just one person maybe smiles at my creations or is inspired, or I can help with what I have written down I know it's worth sharing.

... I just want to enjoy my hobby.

There is a ton more going on, my head is full of thoughts, but getting at least this out of my head here might help to sort my feelings.