#i need to….idk? probably focus better | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

trans-leek-cookie · 22 days ago

Text

listen I'm not gonna be a Curly apologist he did Fucked Up as captain but I genuinely recommend ppl watch a playthru that goes thru the game in chronological order. It kinda helps clear up the events and gaps between them, bc even tho u See the times, you still experience it out of order.

The stuff Anya says definitely sets off alarm bells but it doesn't seem like he Fully Understands what she means, and I'm going to be 100% honest I think she was trying to repress it herself. This isn't to say that she is AT ALL "at fault" for what happened after and she should've gotten help even if she wasn't ready to fully discuss the issue but I genuinely think she herself was still coming to terms with things, so she didn't necessarily process the full impact before talking to Curly, and a lot of what happens occurs after they're laid off- like this delves into personal interpretation but I genuinely think Anya only registered Jimmy as a serious danger after his outburst towards Curly. Ofc my interpretation is limited bc of the limited pov in game and not having gone through what she has, but it personally reads more akin to coercion over time than a singular Obviously Violent incident (like. Not to say that Sexual Assault isnt violent in nature, just that coercion often specifically works to obfuscate the fact it is a form of violence.) The layoff is a Massive catalyst for her bc of Jimmy, in that she now has a very clear understanding of his capacity for aggression.

To extrapolate a little from the "Dead Pixel" conversation, she starts by saying she Likes The Screen (even though it's fake). While Curly has his quotes about the pixel "not ruining the illusion" which. Y'know is Symbolic Of His Flaws. She doesn't say the pixel ruins it, just that she can't get it out of her mind.

If we take the pixel to represent her Or jimmy, either way the way she talks about it kind of downplays things, like it's a Minor Thing that's Slightly Upsetting, but she's still okay with the big picture. Idk I could be 100% wrong but that is my take

Besides that, Anya tells curly she's pregnant 2 days before the crash, and it isn't until she outright states it that he starts Putting The Pieces Together. I want to note, he says "I'd do anything" and "this doesn't have to go on our performance evals" 1. Before he knows shes pregnant 2. Under the assumption she might attempt suicide, and I doubt he even thought about her using the gun on anyone else before she brings that up. He says literally before the line where she tells him she's pregnant that "being laid off isnt a reason to hurt [herself]". Like I've seen ppl talk about the performance evaluation thing like it's about her and jimmy, but I think he's referring to (his belief) that she might attempt suicide or similar which might genuinely be a consistent thing he's seen her struggle with, given she's able to go through with it. Also just to note: assuming their society is like ours (hellish) reassuring her he won't blab Abt her mental health is like. Genuine reassurance- lots of mentally ill ppl will Not Open Up bc it could have long term consequences (like. For example. On employment) ANYWAYS I hope it doesn't come off like "Curly never failed Anya" but rather "Curly approached this specific situation without the context of why Anya is panicking and (possibly validly) assuming she's dealing with a very different issue"

Also let me say again the time frame is 2 days. We don't Really see what happens, but we know Anya tells Jimmy without Curly knowing. I genuinely believe he maybe didn't do a Great Job in those two days (the fact he says Anya should've talked to Him before telling Jimmy is uhhh. Mm. 1. Your job to create an environment where she comes to you my man 2. Weird to tell her what she should do with HER OWN PERSONAL INFORMATION) but like.

I get a lot of ppl want immediate consequences but consider that they can't really get rid of Jimmy (co pilot. Which is. Y'know it's Own Problems) but also like. Curly knows Jimmy, and we know that Jimmy tends to lash out. Curly should probably Not Confront Jimmy Unless He Knows Exactly How To Keep Him From Hurting Anya. Like I'm not an expert but this is something genuinely important- when confronting an abuser you NEED to take into account the impact it can have on their victim, and sometimes for the victims safety you need to wait until you have a Solid Plan. It sucks but it's important.

And theres discussion to be had about Curly kinda going along with Jimmy saying "well what if we all died" and like. I do believe he Didn't Realize What Jimmy Said. Like he was just processing/trying to keep the situation under control (and failing because he underestimated how willing Jimmy was to hurt everyone including himself).

Like he's definitely an enabler but I would say his problems are mostly before he understands the gravity of the situation, in that he's friends with Jimmy and assumes the best of a man with abusive tendencies, and fails to create an environment that can keep Anya and the others safe. Like, he definitely doesn't handle in game events perfectly (psych evaluation for one- he does do it instead of Anya which is actually helpful, but he still treats it like. Weirdly.)

Idk I have a lot of thoughts about this game and I don't necessarily want to defend Curly but more like. Anya's situation is very delicate (and light on details) so sometimes the way ppl talk Abt it feels like they aren't actually focused on what she wants and what it means to prioritize her safety y'know?

Edit bc I just now figured out kinda how I want to word it: curly is an enabler and making things worse bc he doesn't put a stop to Jimmy's BS, but in the specific scenario we see in game I think he's trying to use his Skillset of like, people pleasing not for Jimmy's sake but for the crews (like "if I nod my head and say I sympathize he won't lash out and hurt them") which like. There are situations which that is unfortunately the safest option (on an individual level yes, but sometimes it's also necessary to prevent abusers lashing out in response toward ppl who are more vulnerable) but it was the Wrong Choice.

It's like. I think Curly was trying and had good intentions, and understood that he needed to protect the crew, but he didn't have the toolset/experience to realize he can't Just go along with things and that he needs to be able to set hard limits, even for ppl he likes and trusts. Like he failed but the failure was "for want of a nail", where it began way before what we see (for want of an understanding of power dynamics I guess.) Again, don't think this makes curly more forgivable or whatever, I just think he's a good example of trying to make the right choices when you never realized you'd have to make these kinds of decisions and therefore are unprepared and/or unaware

Second edit: personally I don't think you can really incapacitate jimmy without there being serious risk (again he's the copilot) but curly should've given Anya the gun when she told him Abt the pregnancy

#Mouthwashing spoilers #Rape ment #Suicide ment #SA ment #Yeah. Pronouns were kicking m fucking ass in this post. Names also bc I once called curly jimmy #if I write to much my brain stops cooperating with words #Idk. The way she brings up the locks in my mind sounds a little less like #Singular Incident and more. The lack of locks is a Very Important Boundary That's Missing #That feels like it often leads to the erosion of other important boundaries especially when someone abusive #Is specifically pushing those boundaries. Idk again. My take on it #And while Anya says ''i told you'' a part of me thinks she told him like. Y'know vaguely about the situation but probably didn't #Characterize it as assault (bc even if he didn't believe her I don't think he would ask ''who'' if he remembered her telling him #That his friend assaulted her) and was maybe not interpreting it as assault herself bc she was trying to rationalize it #Bc she's in a very isolated situation for over a year in a place where Two Whole Rooms Have Locks.#Realizing she was in the cockpit (has a lock) when Curly is assuming she's suicidal (or at least going to hurt herself)#And then she's in the medbay (has a lock) when she actually. Y'know #Idk I'm fully up to debate this. If someone has good reasoning why curly is actually worse than I think he is I'm all for it #I'm just trying to like. In the context of my beliefs understand the actions he takes and how they fit in within the timeframe #But legit watching a chronological playthrough helps A LOT bc like. Game is super impactful nonlinear #But like. That's not how the characters experienced it and it really fucks with the timeline of events intuitively #Anyway again. If u hate curly that's entirely understandable I just want to try and organize my thoughts while keeping #The timeline and my view of events relatively straight. Feel like there's sometimes a lil too much focus on how the men failed Anya #When we should focus on what Anya's needs and wants are. Which ofc from our POV characters are Hard bc. It's curly and jimmy #But still it's worth trying to understand her better than they do #Game that makes you think so much your brain becomes mouthwash

16 notes · View notes

autisticlee · 4 months ago

Text

sometimes people who struggle like to make jokes or find positives about their condition that causes them to struggle so they can escape the constant negative and struggle. sometimes autistic people will say things like "the 'tism" or use the "autism creature" or say their autism helped them have a *positive trait* to feel better about their struggles. because living your life only focusing on the struggles and negatives is depressing and makes it hard to want to live, even if those struggle take up 100% of your life and you can't actually escape them. sometimes any little seemingly positive thing can help a lot.

but there's so many other autistic people that hate when we do that and call it "reducing autism to a cute trendy thing" and say it takes away from *their* struggles and is bad and shouldn't be used. maybe *you* want to only focus on your struggles, but some people can't live in constant negative and need some positive or to find ways to make their condition more positive so they can feel better about living with their struggles. life is hard. I take anything I can get.

I cant get jobs. I can't make and keep friends. I can't get help and support for doing "normal" things so sometimes I go weeks without being able to shower and without eating more than a bowl of cereal a day. most times can't even do things I like. struggle to communicate. have meltdowns. i'll never be able to live independently. I struggle a lot. but instead of sitting here always depressed and having no motivation to live, i'd rather try to joke about "my 'tism is acting up again" when i'm struggling (just an example. don't think I ever actually used the 'tism thing but i saw others use it) or say "i'm just being a creature" when I need to stay in my dark room because everything is too much and I personally find it cute to be a little creature meant in a positive way. i'm not actually downplaying mine or anyone else's struggles. I still acknowledge them and that silly jokes dont make them go away. i'm not trying to be trendy. i'm not doing any of the things people say we do by making silly little jokes. i'm using the silly little jokes to convince myself life can be a little more than pointless, painful garbage all the time.

(continue in tags)

#dont know why continuing in tags but here is more #sometimes we need to ask “why” and not just get mad about how we feel personally. because other people feel differently #yes im guilty of only thinking my feelings and situation and how it relates too and forgetting other peoples. i also need to learn #and everyone's feelings should be valid. just because something might “hurt” you it might be important for someone else #everyones feelings are valid. but we cant protect everyones feeling. so idk the solution #but stopping someone from having a small positive among a sea of nevgative seems a little mean to me #youre not being empathetic to their side. and i can turn it around and be not empathetic to your side and say stop being upset #and get over it and let people have fun. but i wont. i hear you. but at the same time maybe hear us too.#not everyone wants to live only negatively. youre allowed to but dont expect others to.#and yes i GET IT these things can make the allistics and neurotypicals be even worse towards us. but what do we do?#throw out any positivity we can find and grovel in our struggles because the allistics wont take us seriously?#DO THEY TAKE US SERIOUSLY WITHOUT THOSE SILLY TRENDY THINGS? NO! THEY NEVER HAVE #like i said i dont know the solution and everything still be used against us by those people anyway so might as well have fun?#if we focus on struggles they baby us and dont let us do things and block us from living life #if we focus on positive they dismiss our struggles and try to make us do what we cant and dont help us #we cant win! so its not “the 'tism” or whatever other things people made up that cause them to act this way #they already act that way and wont stop unless we figure out how to teach them! but i dont know how! im just a useless little creature #this is probably controversial and someone will get because i dont agree with their perspective despite respecting it #someome will comment to lecture me even though i get it. i do. but two things can exist at the same time!! idk what to tell you!#autistic #autism #actually autistic #lee rambles #words are hard so dont know if i worded it well or not. probably not #also why take away fun things because another group used it for bad? make them stop the bad not stop the good!#i also might be missing more context. i think is about tiktok using these for bad. tiktok is just bad in general and i refuse to use it #why tiktok dictate and ruin our lives now in general? tiktok is really bad 😂 but that another conversation #no one yell at me and say i dismiss struggles of struggling autistics. maybe you dismiss me needing negative thing to have positive?#not in mood for negative response. will probably cry fhhddhsjdjdjkd #today is real struggle day but if i be little creature i feel better

16 notes · View notes

wandixx · 1 year ago

Text

I made a prompt some time ago and my brain couldn't let it go so I want to write an actual fic about it. But I need your help to do it.

You can find the prompt I'm talking about here. To summarize it quickly because I know it ended up kind of long. Dani was traveling around the USA and met/befriended some people, heroes and villains include. And then she left to see another place. It wouldn't be a problem if before she left, she said goodbye. She didn't so now they she got kidnapped and are panicing.

I have some ideas, some serious chaos I mentioned (about 2500 words and counting) or super serious chaos if things'll go properly, who knows, some Dani hangs out with Duke during his patrols and is low key his sidekick (5500 words and counting, everything on paper because why not?), both in much different places on a timeline, untouched but thought about idea for Dani and Conner clone budding AND one bit for when she met Flashfam and one when she asked Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy for autographs for Jazz and Sam.

But here is a thing. All I know about DC is from dpxdc tag and some fics on AO3. Also from dpxdc of course. So it means I don't know a jack shit about people outside of Batfam.

So, what I'm asking for is, if you have ideas who else Dani could mess with or/and links to fanfics with your favorite characterizations or character analysis here or on AO3, any way of communication you are comfortable with is open, please send it (maybe not in actual mail that would be both creepy and unreasonably expensive)

I can't exactly watch movies/cartoons because I fear my computer wouldn't survive that (I had a moment of black screen two times in the last twenty minutes and three more temporary freezes, how is this thing still running, and how it became my most reliable internet connection device?)

Anyway, send the links I beg you

#dp x dc #dc x dp #dpxdc #dcxdp #it seems i'm physically unable to make short post if I'm posting something else than snippet #god damn it i'll have to work on it probably #btw I got in a sort of fight with my parent over my attitude towards school (their arguments are totally valid I should work harder)#but i'm a mess and not even hot sort of one and most of the time can't bring myself to it #but nevermind #during this one of them said something along the lines of “you should study more I know knitting is nicer but you need better grades”#and for whatever reason my brain laser focused on this #because i'm not knitting #i only did once #on the other hand i've been crocheting for past six years if i'm doing the math correctly #i know the difference is subtle for most people but i talked about it a bit #i've been correcting people a lot of the times when they said i was knitting #i think i can say it's kinda important to me #and idk #i'm just kinda frustrated that they still made this mistake and it's easier to focus on that than on anything else they said #you could say i;m a little angry even #look at me once again spilling my guts in tags of unrelated post #i should probably stop doing that either #and sleep #anyway #have a great day dear internet stranger that made it to this part

32 notes · View notes

dandyshucks · 20 days ago

Text

i think I've said it before but it bears repeating probably fhdksl - I do not know Anything about many many popular media franchises. i know basically Nothing about popular anime, gacha games, tv shows, etc.

i do not want to be afraid of ppl freaking out at me for accidentally interacting w someone who ships w an irredeemable character (incestual, rapists, pedophiles, or participated in/led genocides). for this reason, i tend to stick to only interacting w original posts from ppl i follow and somewhat trust, but if i rb from someone who ships w a character who's truly disgusting, pleaaaase let me know lol

i promise i just Do Not Know about the character. i am simply unaware of most pop culture :')

#i have very narrow interests and very little energy and focus to expend on things i dont find Really Interesting #i am tired of feeling like im walking on eggshells all the time around here idk fhdkdl like its probably just me being unwell but. shrug.#it is like. 99% me being paranoid and anxious and 1% some of the behaviour of the general community at large #if u have an issue w smth i have said or rbed - let me know! i am very happy to hear ppl out!#i am very willing to delete posts/change my mind/rethink things/look into smth - whatever the situation calls for!#none of this is said angrily btw fhfkdl it is said with a thumbs up and a tired and ''wants things to be better'' energy #i get scared so often that im going to wake up and check tumblr and see I've been blocked by like. everyone.#and i just Won't Know the reason for it fjdkdl (this has not happened to me before so idk why i worry abt it honestly)#genuinely though if anyone ever has any issue or discomfort w smth I've said feel free to bring it up w me #i very much want to always improve and expand my perspective and learn and grow #and im very willing to look into things myself! i just occasionally need it pointed out to me so i see it and have a direction to go in #dandy.cmd

4 notes · View notes

orcelito · 24 days ago

Text

I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement

It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao

#speculation nation #i dont really do birthday parties anymore. havent in a long time. mostly just go out and do smth fun around my bday. ya kno #also have cake but like not in a party way. just like. here's cake lol #but im probably only gonna graduate from college once. which means i might as well live it up and all.#invite all sorts of extended family and people who have known me. etc etc.#actually it just kinda sunk in that i am. Computer and Information Technology (Systems Analysis and Design focus) w a minor in Communication #like those are words. it's a lot of words but actually it really is pretty accurate?? like that's indeed what ive been studying.#now how much i *remember* is another question. considering how long ive taken to get thru school lol #but that's what people will see on my degree. that's my Thing. graduated in Computer Systems and Talking.#idk it's just weird to have spent so much of my life on this and like That's the culmination. it took so much work.#even beyond a normal 4 years. i switched my major *twice*. switched my minor too.#first year engineering to undecided liberal arts (as a temp major trying to switch to computer science bc i couldnt stay in FYE)#but then computer science sucked so i switched to trying to get into computer & info tech. which is different. and better.#and ive been in it long enough now that ive kinda forgotten but it did take some fuckin work to switch into it.#like i had to take certain classes first & i couldnt take them during the semesters that in-major students would take them #and i had to have my gpa up to a certain level etc etc. so many hoops to jump thru. i think it took me at least a year. or more. idr #but i made it in and thats my major. thats my thing. computers and information systems and communication.#doesnt FEEL like im an almost-graduate. but then i think about all the things ive taken and learned.#and maybe i dont remember a lot of the more specific things from these classes. but i took core lessons away from each one.#wont be able to recite the theories but i can live them. and thats the point of an education i guess.#anyways im gonna have to start job searching before too long and eughhbb. need to get my license first tho probably.#which i will... i will.... i have so many things to deal with... my life will be So Different in a year...#it will require me to put in the work now. but i can do it. and then a year from now. i'll hopefully be in a better spot.#living somewhere else. graduated from college. with a license and a car. maybe even an IT job of some kind.#kind of scared of trying to find a Big Boy Job. aka a job that requires a degree and networking and all that shit.#rather than just showing up and being like Hi i can do this job. i am not a total drain of a person. hire me please 👍#hfkahfks so many things to think about. and through it all i am still dealing with DEADLINES...!!!!#but yeah this is why my writing has largely been put on hold. idk i have a lot of things im dealing with rn.

3 notes · View notes

ilkkawhat · 2 months ago

Note

Heya! Hope you’re doing okay ❤️

well, i didn't cry today (and more importantly didn't cry at work in front of everybody) so I'm taking that as a sign that things are getting better...I hope 😅

#suuuuuuuuuuper awkward moment when i just started crying yesterday as one of my employees came up to me #(not one of the ones who went to HR)#and she was like 'uhm are you okay' and then i just told her to ask me what she needed to ask me lmao #god i'm just so embarassed that i cried so much this week #esp cause like. i hope it's not some sort of idk defense mechanism?#like did i just start busting out crying cause oh no my boss found out i'm not doing my job so i'm just gonna cry so she doesn't yell at me #or something like that and then keep crying to garner pity #cause that's certainly not my intention at all #i know i fucked up. badly. i'm not donig the job i SHOULD be doing #and was focusing on things i shouldn't focus on...especially like having my techs do their actual jobs #but that's my fault for not laying down the law #for not training them right in the first place for not giving them the proper expectations of what their job entails #but then they're crying that they're overwhelmed which hurts to hear when i see them disappearing just to come back with a cup of coffee #or talking to people across the building when there's no reason for them to be up there #or sitting on their phones while things pile up to be done #and then like my boss is now jumping in and is going to meet with them next week #and inserting herself and two of my other co-workers into the picture to help #which like yeah i need help. a lot of help. but they all have their own jobs #hell there's things my boss does really i should probably be doing #so knowing all of that and again just feeling like a failure at my job makes me feel even worse #like i'm not carrying my weight for the team--i've honestly never felt i have since i became supervisor #i don't think i'm meeting the expectations as a supervisor #as a tech? yeah i was a BEAST and maybe should have never applied for the supervisor job #and i even already told my boss long term career? def not in management for me lol and if i can get out of the supervisor job i will #but i would still want to stay with my boss and co-workers cause we're all trauam bondeded at this point from this workplace #but hey if the worst thing that comes out of this crisis is me getting fired for not doing my job maybe it'll be for the best #..........that's not making me feel any better though

2 notes · View notes

coldgoldlazarus · 1 year ago

Text

I don't know what's better or worse

The projects I can't really do anything with because the base concept and scope simply lie outside of my field of skill (Citadel Of Splinters or Re-Pioneer, which are games; and Black Lotus or [Minigun Angel Project], which are meant to be manga)

Or the projects I can work on easily but just haven't gotten as far with as I should due to procrastination and lack of focus (Metroid Silence, Magical Girl Parallel Inversion, retooling Magical Girl Diurnal Retribution away from its original badly-considered format, The Forbidden Lands, etc.)

Or the one that legitimately straddles the line between, it's doable but is gonna take a lot of effort and branching out: [Yuri Otome Project]

#not a reblog #citadel of splinters is basically the poster child for the stuff #that is cool to think about but simply outside my scope #being a big 3D first-person metroidvania #with a focus on parkour and bullet hell mechanics #like that's the kind of shit that would take a studio to pull off #or at the very least an indie team #re-pioneer wouldn't be as demanding in a physics sense #but still of the kind of mechanical depth and scope that I couldn't do it alone #and black lotus and minigun angel project #not only need me to get way better/faster/more consistent at drawing #but I'd want them to be in a specific art style #so its like #probably better to just find an artist #and have money on hand and scripts ready idk #point is those are kinda stalled for a reason #but it still feelsbad.png #meanwhile the rest also feel bad but because with those #I have no such excuses other than poor self-management #so *shrug*

5 notes · View notes

diah-the-demon · 11 months ago

Text

drew layla today while i was at my lgbt group's christmas party, i didnt feel like doing karaoke so i was doing arts and crafts with some other people

my friend also drew layla (theirs is the left mine is the right), i dont think mine is that great tbh but ive also barely drawn anything in ages, plus mine isnt finished cause i didnt have enough time before we left lol

#layla #genshin layla #layla genshin impact #il probably redraw her eventually but i was just needing smth to do earlier other than stimming in my chair by rocking it back and forth #im sorry layla il draw you better next time #il see if i can finish this current one later but i might just go make a new one idk #one of my other friends also drew layla (and venti. they were also in venti cosplay lol jdslkjds)#but the picture i got of theirs was so blurry cause the camera didnt focus </3 #it was rlly good tooooo :(

3 notes · View notes

houseofwolvess · 10 months ago

Text

turns out that eating breakfast after taking the meds you should eat with food is a good idea

#i feel a lot better than i did yesterday #the weird jittery bit of the meds eased up quite a lot #im still not used to it but i think it's gonna help me a lot #i wasn't aware that this kind of. like... clarity? was normal??#i can actually focus on things now. i can sit totally still if i want to. my brain isn't impossibly loud.#idk!! i never thought id be able to get help for this and it's unreal that a tiny fucking pill just... makes my brain function better #we'll see how the next few weeks play out bc it might not be great for me over time and i might need to try out other meds #but idk. ritalin seems to be working decently well and im happy #wait holy fuck i just realized i might be able to actually clean my room now #i haven't been able to fully clean my room in YEARS #ive been able to clean sections of it or like. halfway tidy up most of it #but a full deep clean has been out of the picture for so long bc i can never focus hard enough or get enough motivation to continue #i might actually be able to now. fuck. this changes so much.#i know that probably doesn't seem like much but my room has gotten so out of hand and it causes me stress #i can't even let people INTO my room because its embarrassing and makes me feel horrible #maybe i can actually invite people over now

2 notes · View notes

manasurge · 1 year ago

Text

ugh vyvanse is on backorder :( and it's the long weekend too. Looks like I'm probably going without it for a number of days, which is going to suck significantly for me. This sorta thing ALWAYS happens on long weekends I stg (also wasn't the patent supposed to be removed? shouldn't this sort of thing be easier now? idk maybe it's going to be super delayed for Canada as usual. Sobs).

#sobs #not only do i need it for my general functionality but also bc it helps relieve my fatigue in a way that nothing else does #I also need to get my synthroid prescription refiled; but i prefer to do these both at the same time to save myself the extra trip #luckily i have backups of those with my older lower dose (I take a higher one now; but it's better to have these than nothing!)#ugh I'm going to struggle with focus so much these next few days or more; which is annoying bc they help me so much when I want to draw #idk why they help my to relieve my fatigue so much but they do #and this probably means I'm going to have to rely on my B vitamins as a temporary solution since they sorta help; but not long term enough

2 notes · View notes

arionawrites · 1 year ago

Text

how tf did me facetiming someone i matched with on tinder turn into them giving me unsolicited advice about giving people your full attention after i already let them know that i recently got diagnosed as adhd and it’s hard for me to focus on just one thing/person and then them telling me that “based on my behavior” they think i’m autistic like ?? didn’t ask, we literally started messaging each other like a day ago, even if i am autistic (which wouldn’t be a bad thing if i am) when has it ever been socially acceptable to tell someone you JUST MET that you think they’ve got some kind of mental disorder/illness/disability/etc.

my friends have mentioned that i might be autistic and that’s fine bc i’ve spent a lot of time with them and they actually know me and i take their perspective of me very seriously because they’re the people who see me 100% unfiltered and have known me whenever i’ve been completely unmedicated. i trust their word.

this person from tinder, however, i have sent like maybe 20-30 messages to where we talked about nanowrimo and i was like omg it’d be so cool to meet someone who also writes, whether it’s as friends or as more, i would love that—only for our facetime call to be less than 20 minutes long and for them to try and diagnose me as autistic just because i, after ALREADY TELLING THEM that i have adhd and after them asking about meds and me telling them that i haven’t taken my adhd meds today because i didn’t have work and also i’ve taken multiple naps today which has made my head even more foggy and made it even harder than usual to focus, found it difficult to focus.

like. i wasn’t unresponsive. i wasn’t ignoring them. i was listening and i was responding, i just also was looking between my phone and my laptop screen.

which okay i understand that maybe i’m just frustrated because of the “based on your behavior” comment because an 18 minute facetime call does not give someone enough interaction time to try and fucking diagnose me as anything, and maybe this is more of a we just didn’t vibe and that’s fine, i don’t think they’re like a bad person or anything and if nothing else i’m glad the mismatched vibes were felt before deciding to meet up or anything, but also.

eighteen minutes. literally eighteen minutes and they fucking “based on your behavior i think you’re autistic” and “here’s some advice, when meeting new people you should give them your full attention”

FUCK that.

#idk maybe they’re also autistic and thought it was supposed to be helpful? and again i dont think they’re a bad person #and esp if they are some kind of neurodivergent they might not have realized how that comment could come across #so i’m trying not to take it too personally bc 1. i dont rlly know them 2. they dont rlly know me and 3. it has no heavy impact on my life #but also like idk it just was weird and even if they didnt intend to comment to come across like that #i can still be uncomfortable and upset about it #anyways moving on this is why i barely ever open tinder in the first place lmaooo #aricomplains #also like they probably arent all that wrong to be fair #i know it can come across as rude to not put ur full focus on someone esp someone you’ve just met and that is something i want to work on #it just felt weird that i literally explained i have adhd and its hard to focus and i promised them its nothing personal if i struggle #to focus on them while talking and like AFTER i said that they tried to give me that ‘advice’ like i hadnt already addressed it #idk i understand how my actions might have come across as rude or something but if someone told me they had adhd and struggled to focus #i would immediately know not to take it personally if they’re like fidgeting or on their phone while i talk or smth #which i also get is not something everyone has to do too like no one is required to react the same and #blah i’m overthinking this i need to stop #basically: i understand how my part in the ft call might have come across and i addressed it and tried to focus as much as i could #and if they took my lack of focus as rude i understand why and i also understand my ability to focus on people’s something i need to work on #but also the way they approached it rubbed me wrong and those comments made me uncomfortable and upset #but again i started talking to them yesterday and have no obligation to talk to them again so #take this as a lesson and a reminder of why i need to keep working on my ability to focus on people better when talking to them #and also take this as a reminder as to the kind of people i want to spend time with and thats not people who give passive aggressive advice #or try to diagnose someone they JUST met #and then take those lessons and reminders with me as i move on #ok im done now im gonna unmatch w them on tinder and also maybe just delete tinder entirely bc i barely use it anyway and would rather #try to meet people in more authentic ways #honestly my hope is that now that i’m spending like 3 days a week at the library in between shifts #i might meet another library-going sapphic and that would be VERY lovely 🥰

3 notes · View notes

piplupod · 1 year ago

Text

sometimes i get very tired of having such a small life and having very little access to things while everyone else (generalized statement) gets to have so many things that i would kill for. and ofc the ppl with all the resources find success.

i don't Need attention or success or anything, but it is a bit crushing to see someone who has the money to make picture-perfect things get fawned over while my attempt at the thing inevitably flops and fails and gets shoved out of sight bc i dont have the resources to make it work.

i have the ideas, i have the stubbornness to make it work with the resources i Do have, but seeing someone else have it so easy and get so much attention really slashes the air out of my tires and i end up broken down on the side of the road while they drive on with a bunch of friends and money.

i try so hard to find the joy in making things work with such limited resources and i DO genuinely enjoy it a lot of the time, but it hurts sometimes. idk. I just wish I wasn't so stuck in the situation I'm in

#trying really hard to not let this upset me but i am #i think i am feeling. crushed. tbh. its so silly though #i just wish i was better at making things work and i wish i had more energy #if i had at least had more energy maybe I could've finished mine first before this big creator did #oh well idk i just need to move on #the making was fun even if it didnt work out and i should just try to focus on that at least maybe #god i would love to have like... one good thing #its okay though and this is just dramatic i think probably fjfkfl i need to go keep working on cleaning probably #ultimately this doesnt rly matter and i dont Need it so it shouldnt affect me #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

5 notes · View notes

thekidsarentalright · 2 years ago

Text

feeling sooooooo anxious today for no reason 😵‍💫

#wahh wahh every day is bad im miserable etc etc #ive had some mental breakthroughs the last couple days after having like a complete breakdown last friday but like #still not better from said breakdown still not recovered at all obvi but i wish i wassssss. mental health is incredibly frustrating #like im realizing a lot of things like. i need to focus more on myself im so burnt out socially and mentally i need to stop giving so much #to other ppl until i feel better i need to live for myself etc but like. saying it is a lot easier than practicing it all. bleh #idek if any of what i just rambled abt is related to my anxiety it probably is somehow idk im just like ready to have a panic attack lol #txt

4 notes · View notes

wandixx · 1 year ago

Text

I did a thing? It's not big bit I hope you like it.

***

Conner was absolutely exhausted. He and a few other members of the Young Justice team were free when Unknown sent a distress signal, so it was out of the question that they went to help. Really, they just sped to the closest stash with weapons to handle Unknown’s opponents and get to the battlefield.

It quickly escalated into involving various adult members including some from JLD who nearly never answered their calls. All because villains collaborated. ‘Cause, of course, they did. Life couldn’t be nice just this once.

The whole fight was kind of a blur if he was being honest with himself. He of course remembered pain, chaos, frantic attempts to protect everyone, and anger that these so-called ghosts just wouldn’t stay down. He hadn’t completely blacked out. But he had trouble recalling what exactly had happened. Who exactly he fought, who exactly he saved, where he moved, why his knuckles bleed, and why his ribs ached. He wasn’t too concerned. He was made to be a weapon, it happened sometimes. He wasn’t made to remember things.

Anyway, he somehow ended up only a few steps from Unknown who sat on the ground, taking heavy, labored breaths. They were facing the other way, supporting their forehead on their bent knee, face obscured by angle, hood, and long hair. Their heart was beating faster than he ever heard it (it was almost speedster fast and normally it was too slow to be healthy!) while the ever-present buzz from their chest sped so much it sounded almost even. They seemed to tremble. It was concerning, to say the least, so Conner fought his own fatigue and kneeled next to them. He cautiously touched their shoulder but retreated when they winced.

“Do me not doing what you need me to do put anyone in danger?” they rasped anxiously between too-shallow breaths.

“No, I just-”

“Alright, then give me a moment” they wheezed. Conner felt a little out of his depths. He had yet to actually learn how to help people in shock or any other psychological responses to distress. Don’t get him wrong, he was learning, he just wasn’t any good at this. He wished that anyone else was there to console Unknown properly but they were all busy with banishing villains or cleaning up the debris.

“You’re hyperventilating,” he stated instead.

“No shit Sherlock”

“Do you want me to coach you through some breathing exercises so you don’t pass out?”

“Nah”

“Okay”

So he just sat next to Unknown, adult competent hero, listening as they tried to even out their gasps. He saw how their fingers pressed on the meat of their arm. Whatever they were doing seemed counterproductive but he knew better than to interfere. You can’t help a person who doesn’t want it. So, he just kept taking deep, calm breaths, hoping they would follow his lead.

It was weird to console the adult hero but he guessed it happened.

“Okay, maybe a little help?” they whispered, audibly panicking. It came out almost as a squeal. Conner nodded even though they couldn’t see it and got to work. It didn’t take them all that long to collect themselves but even after their breaths had calmed and their heart had slowed down, they didn’t move.

“Do you feel better now?” he asked cautiously.

“Yeah,” their voice still was barely louder than a whisper. Gods bless Conner’s super hearing or else they wouldn’t be able to have this conversation. “Thank you. And sorry, I’m usually better at handling this.”

“It’s okay”

It really was. It wasn’t the first nor probably the last time when hero got overwhelmed by a big fight. It was admirable that Unknown managed to wait with his panic until everything was wrapped up. Even if it was still weird to console an adult. Conner once again tried to put a hand on their shoulder. They didn’t show any indication of discomfort so he didn’t take it back.

Flash stopped in front of them, leaving a cloud of dust in his wake.

“You guys alright?” he asked fast like always. Unknown raised their head to look at the older hero and-

Their mask must have fallen off somewhen during the fight.

Oh.

“Yeah, I kinda freaked out for a moment but Superboy helped me get over it.”

Oh.

Unknown wasn’t an adult.

They (he? They kind of looked like boy) couldn’t be older than Conner himself. Maybe even younger than Robin.

They looked weirdly familiar for someone he never saw before.

When none of the heroes answered just staring at them with shock, they curled in themselves a little more and started mumbling.

“I know panic is unprofessional, I promise I’ll do better next time, I usually do, I just really don’t like dragging other people into my fights and kinda spiraled ‘cause of it I-“

“You’re a kid” Flash interrupted, almost choking on his words. Unknown froze, then slowly raised their dirty hand to touch their naked face.

“Oh, no, no, no-” their heartbeat piqued again, as they hastily ran their fingers across their cheeks and forehead and nose and everything else as if they could somehow find their full face mask if they tried hard enough. They were mumbling again.

Conner squeezed their shoulder in what he hoped was a grounding gesture. Where did he see this face?

“Hey, it’s alright kid. We all just assumed you were a little older, that’s it. Nothing bad happened.” Flash tried but his words went unheard. Superboy squeezed their arm again, hoping it would be at least just a little grounding.

Where has Conner seen this face?

“Please don’t give me back to them. I’ll be useful, I promise.” They hadn’t stopped speaking but these specific words struck something in young Kryptonian.

He heard similar words before.

He remembered the white-haired, flying girl who he found pickpocketing some unsuspecting tourists, who later ate burgers with him, sitting on top of one of Metropolis’ skyscrapers, talking in hushed tones about labs and guilt of being created as a weapon. Who did her best to reassure him and herself as well that they were more than they were made for. That they were full people. The girl who knew how it was to be an imperfect copy of someone else.

The girl who had a loving template, who couldn’t take her in because of his living situation but did his best to prepare her, before letting her travel for safety and self-discovery.

The girl loved her template enough to show her fellow clone, who she knew for less than three hours, a photo.

“Danny?” he asked, even though he knew.

The boy fell silent before he choked quick, unfinished:

“How-”

“You’re a little different from a guy Dani told me about”

Danny gasped quiet “oh” and looked at nothing in front of him with a sad, broken smile. The kind of smile people often wore when they thought about mysterious before when life was better and happiness easier. Conner wasn’t old enough to have his own before. For now his before was Cadmus lab and he would rather get beaten up into a pulp than return to this place. But Danny seemed to have before and before he was thinking about was different than his before meaning the completely civilian life that Dani told him about. He seemed to think about a time when he was a hero and had Dani and see it as before. Conner was kind of curious about what changed.

“I was a little different guy back then.”

Unknown, the Wandering Hero

So! We all know the typical Vivisection AU, right? Danny is revealed to his parents and they take it in all the wrong ways. They capture him, Vivisect him, and eventually he manages to escape with the help of his friends.

But what about his Rouges?

Sure, we all like to think of some of the more friendly ones like Ember, or Sydney, or Johnny 13 and Kitty, but he has WAY more Evil Rouges than good ones.

Without Danny there to reign them in, the Rouges spread out across the world to fulfill their obsessions, unhampered by the Heroes and Villains of the world that have no means to fight them.

And Danny? He feels responsible. He was the one to open the Gate, he was the Sacrifice, the one to let them through. And when the going got tough he just up and left? No, that won't do.

His Obsession is Protection for a reason, and nothing has changed. All he needs to do is expand his area of focus a little.

Danny, after healing up, starts wandering the world in search of the Ghosts who have escaped into the Mortal Realm. He battles all of his old foes, as well as many new ones who he hadn't met before.

His travels take him far and wide.

He defeats Skulker in Metropolis, as he is trying to hunt down the Super Family for their pelts. They are the last of their race after all, so he is inclined to try and hunt them. Honestly dealing with Skulker was easy, dealing with the Rich Asshole who was funding him was a nightmare.

He chases down Spectra in Gotham as she tries to feed on the misery of an entire City. (Thanks to @impyssadobsessions for the idea, this Prompt specifically). She is actually a very tough fight, especially powered by both the Misery of an Entire City as well as his Own Misery, but he manages.

He defeats Technus is Central City, as he tries to Raid Star Labs for their advanced Tech. It actually took a while to beat him after he amped himself with all that Power, and he did need help from the Local Hero to deal with him. He's just thankful Technus is one of the more "Harmless" ones.

After every Victory, he sends them back to the Realms using the Banishing Spell that Sam taught him a while back (the only bit of magic he ever really managed to master).

He knows they'll eventually find their way back out, but it's all he can do anymore. It's his eternal Punishment for unleashing them out into the World in the first place. He was the Catalyst for this Situation, now he was tasked with Fixing it, no matter how long it took.

...

The Justice League is caught in a tricky situation a the moment.

In the past few months, they have been encountering more and more of these Extra Dimensional Beings known as Realms Ghosts across the World.

Justice League Dark has had some success in battling them, but even they are getting tired of having to deal with every single incident alone.

They did get approached by a Government Agency known as the Ghostly Investigation Ward that seemed to want to help, but it didn't take long to realize that their main Aim was to Genocide the entire Race. The JLA had quickly cut ties after realizing that, and took what little Tech and Information they had been able to gather.

Still, it wasn't easy to deal with these Entities.

Thankfully, they have had some outside help. An Unknown Being has been routinely showing up whenever a Realms Ghost appears and defeating them, before using a (as described by Constantine) "Rudimentary Banishing Spell held together by willpower and luck" to send them back to their home Dimension. There's honestly no way it should be functional, but he did make it work either way.

They don't know much about this Unknown, aside from the fact that he seems to be the only one able to consistently damage the Realms Ghosts. His Powerset leads them to belive he may be from the same Dimension, or at least drawing his power from the same Source, but as he actively avoids the League and takes every opportunity to not talk to them, they know they aren't getting any answers any time soon.

Over the past few months, they had affectionately started referring to him as Unknown, creative they know, because they could never get his Real Name. Sure, some of the Realms Ghosts seemed to recognize him, but they always called him stuff like "Whelp" and "Punk" and "Usurper", which were not very good names to use when referring to him. Although the last one was a bit concerning.

They had only managed to trade a few quick words with Unknown in the past few months, but it was enough to get the Gist of it. He was just doing his job, sending the Realms Ghosts back where they belonged. There was apparently a Tear in Reality letting them through, but he seemed hesitant to reveal what he knew about it.

After a few months of sparse interactions, they eventually managed to convince him to at least take an Emergency Communicator. Just in case. They even let him take it apart to look for any Tracking Devices, which earned them a small bit of trust. They took whatever wins they could.

Fortunately, it seemed he never did need it. In fact he was getting more and more efficient with every battle, defeating his foes in half the time it would have taken before.

Unfortunately, it didn't last forever. One day, the Communicator went off, a distorted voice quickly saying, "Need backup, some of them decide to Team Up" before cutting out.

They quickly rushed to his location, finding an active battlefield with no less that a dozen Ghosts battling Unknown. And he seemed to be on the ropes.

With their arrival, the combined force of the Justice League and Unknown eventually managed to defeat the Group of Ghosts. Justice League Dark volunteered to work on the Banishing Spells while the others cleaned up the damage from the Battle.

One of them approached Unknown to make sure he was ok, and froze.

During the battle, Unknown's Mask had been Torn off, and they could finally see the face of the Hero they had been working with for the past few months.

And he was a Child.

#dp x dc #dpxdc #dc x dp #dcxdp #i know i have tone of other responsibilities but i couldn't stop myself #i hope you like it #i just thought it would be neat to use Dani as connection between Amity and rwst of the world #idk why Conner #he just kinda poped in my mind #now i kinda want to write meeting between Dani and Conner #it would be interesting #but i sure as hell don't need more projects to work on #how the hell am i supposed to focus when whatever character i think about starts screaming and running around #at slightest nudge #it's genuine question #i have about 500 words of serious chaos one-shot because i saw someone pointing out difference between rogue and rouge #i need to learn math god damnit #i should probably stop pouring my frustration here tbh #danny got a little panicky because all these people shouldn't be there #shouldn't be fighting ghosts #wouldn't be if he was a little better #ghost boi has problems #have a nice day dear stranger who got to this part

3K notes · View notes