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astonmartinii · 1 month ago

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day one: when you wish upon a star | lando norris social media au

pairing: lando norris x fem reader

he's been begging max to set him up ... and look who has him in the grid secret santa!

christmas song: my only wish (this year) - britney spears

MASTERLIST | TIP JAR

liked by maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc and 1,209,488 others

tagged: carlossainz55, pierregasly & landonorris

f1: it's that time of the year again... it's secret santa time!

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user1: THE SPEEDOS????

user2: 100% from valterri

user3: what do we have to do to see them on tho ???

user4: HUH?

user3: we're all thinking it??

alexalbon: since you're a blabber mouth @charles_leclerc PLEASE PUT MORE EFFORT INTO YOUR GIFT THIS YEAR

charles_leclerc: my gift was great last year idk what you people are talking about

alexalbon: if i unwrap a calendar i will set horsey on leo

charles_leclerc: @rspca GET HIM

user5: i love with secret santa you can really tell which drivers are actually friends lol

user6: charles... we're looking at you last year

user7: the teaser showed that max got lando ... could be interesting after this season

maxverstappen1: not that i need to ... but i have a plan

user8: really?

maxverstappen1: i have concepts of a plan!

landonorris: please don't like gift wrap like a litter box or something

maxverstappen1: oh i like my cats much more than i like you why would i do that?

maxverstappen1: AHA! I HAVE IT

landonorris: that sounds ominous

carlossainz55: is it something to do with his pathetic crush on a certain someone

landonorris: LALALALALLALALA SHUT THE FUCK UP I DON'T WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW ABOUT THAT MAX PLEASE DON'T I'M SORRY ABOUT AUSTRIA

user9: well now it needs to happen...

user10: whoever came up with the grid secret santa i need to give you a big fat kiss

maxverstappen1: you might not be the only one ....

landonorris: SHUT UP

maxverstappen1: hehehehehee

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, landonorris and 14,055 others

yourusername: gift giving is my love language

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user14: okay lando i kinda get you

user15: she's friends with max and looks like that and hasn't been hooked? where is the hope for all of us

maxverstappen1: hideous personality 👍

yourusername: and you're my best friend so what does that say about you?

maxverstappen1: i have zero standards?

yourusername: girl fuck you

user16: i hate bitches that can actually wrap gifts

user17: leave me alone with my crinkled shit held together with a whole roll of tape

landonorris: my love language is words of affirmation :3

yourusername: okay mr praise kink

landonorris: WHAT? NO?

yourusername: whatever you wanna say babygirl

landonorris: oh i ... um - yes!

user18: oh brother this dude stinks

alexalbon: he is even worse in real life

oscarpiastri: but it is just as entertaining

landonorris: i'm glad my low self esteem is so funny for you guys

yourusername: you're amazing lando - don't think badly of yourself :(

landonorris: did you or did you not call me a 'stumpy, entitled british bum' the other day?

yourusername: well that's because you were fighting max and unfortunately we're two trauma bonded cats and he therefore comes first

yourusername: but i still love you!

landonorris: LOVE?

user19: someone check on him?

oscarpiastri: i just found him passed out in his driver's room

georgerussell63: that's becoming blackmail material

landonorris

liked by alexalbon, yourusername and 803,405 others

tagged: maxverstappen1

landonorris: didn't manage to win the championship this time round but i'm hoping max got me something good in the secret santa to say sorry

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user20: thank god this season is ending

user21: i think it would've killed me if this title race went to abu dhabi again

user22: it's pookie on pookie crime

user23: i fear one of the pookies may have killed the other if this went on any longer

maxverstappen1: wouldn't you like to know weather boy

landonorris: um yes? i hate surprises

maxverstappen1: i think you might like this one 😈

landonorris: that emoji makes me think you've been scheming

maxverstappen1: maybe i have? you'll just have to wait and see ...

landonorris: STOP I CAN HEAR YOUR EVIL LAUGHTER FROM HERE

landonorris: seriosuly how many of you are in on this it sounds like a pack of hyenas this is meant to be SECRET santa

alexalbon: what do you mean i don't know anything about this ...

landonorris: alex YOU CAN'T STOP LAUGHING AROUND ME

alexalbon: maybe i just find you real funny lando?

landonorris: really?

alexalbon: NO

user24: they are enjoying torturing him way too much

maxverstappen1: call it karma for all the shit he talked throughout the season

landonorris: NOO I THOUGHT I WAS GETTING A NICE GIFT ???

maxverstappen1: oh it's definitely a gift for somone...

landonorris: i deadass won't come to the paddock

yourusername: you'll win it soon lands - just wait for max to retire so i can support you wholeheartedly

landonorris: why not now :((((

yourusername: don't worry babe he's old he'll retire in no time

landonorris: yay 🥳 🙌 😀

maxverstappen1: excuse me?

landonorris: is four championships and y/n not enough?

maxverstappen1: no!

maxverstappen1

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maxverstappen1: not just because i want another trophy, but i'll pick up my best secret santa award now thanks

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user25: he didn't ???

user26: i think he did

user27: is that not like prostitution?

maxverstappen1: i don't think giving lando a chance to embarrass himself on a date is prostitution

user28: do you have any faith in him?

maxverstappen1: in him? no. but does y/n also have horrible standards and is easily impressed? yes.

alexalbon: he folded so quickly i hope they got it all on camera

oscarpiastri: that was so humiliating it might have to go on a more x rated website

landonorris: OSCAR????

oscarpiastri: it was harrowing mate but she seemed to like it so go you?

carlossainz55: that was a crazy reaction for it to just be y/n

maxverstappen1: i think you're trying to be funny but it might JUST be a skill issue

landonorris: JUST Y/N? KILL YOURSELF

carlossainz55: woah where is the christmas cheer?

landonorris: i will run you over with my sleigh

landonorris: THIS IS THE BEST GIFT ANYONE HAS EVER GOTTEN ME PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE

user29: bro is so down bad that he just took carlando out back and shot them

user30: bro is so lost in the sauce that he is threatening a festive hit and run

yourusername: okay max we can stop pretending that i wasn't also begging you to set me up with lando

maxverstappen1: but it's so funny watching him make a fool of himself

landonorris: HUH???

yourusername: newsflash baby, i'm just as in love with you as you are with me

landonorris: AHHHHHHHHH <333333333

landonorris: i'm sorry i'll get back to being in love with you one sec

landonorris: @alexalbon @georgerussell63 @oscarpiastri @carlossainz55 SUCK ON THAT

landonorris: okay i love you y/n :3

yourusername: i love you too you crazy boy

landonorris

liked by maxverstappen1, alexalbon and 1,430,973 others

tagged: yourusername

landonorris: christmas wishes do come true!

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user34: so how long do you think he's had that shirt in preparation?

landonorris: 18 months at least - i have faith in myself even if the others didn't

user35: i can't tell if that's creepy or?

landonorris: IT'S ROMANTIC

yourusername: kiss me it's christmas!

landonorris: only because it's christmas?

yourusername: i guess i can give you a couple more passes...

landonorris: not to be dramatic but now i know what it feels like i might die without it

yourusername: not dramatic at all !!!

maxverstappen1: it is kinda dramatic ...

yourusername: SHUSH!

maxverstappen1: i knew you were mushy about this (your diary reads like a very badly written romance book) but good lord this is awful THESE ARE PUBLIC COMMENTS

yourusername: I FUCKING KNEW YOU READ MY DIARY

maxverstappen1: duh! how else did you think this little scheme came to be?

yourusername: ugh i guess

user36: so like where do i get an f1 driver bestfriend who will invade my privacy to get me a bf?

user37: might just start throwing my diary in the paddock at this point

alexalbon: ur so pathetic i love you

yourusername: excuse me old man

alexalbon: old? OLD?

yourusername: i don't care to google you but i've seen you try and read a menu and scan a QR code so stop declaring your love for my boyf or i will keep going

landonorris: she's so possessive 😩😩😩

yourusername: i ate too many grapes on new year's eve to not get and keep my man

alexalbon: trust me, no one wants ur man

yourusername: tell that to the teenage girls in my DMs

user38: it's a pleasant surprise to see that y/n is just as down bad as lando

user39: match made in heaven ... this MIGHT make me a max verstappen fan

user40: i fear this will be an f1 custody battle for the ages

yourusername

liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri and 78,209 others

tagged: landonorris

yourusername: my only wish this year was to finally get you <3

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user41: i already liked this queen but a queen who loves britney spears christmas... that's mother

user42: one of these most underrated christmas songs ever

oscarpiastri: ... some people have even witnessed her live rendition of it

yourusername: don't sound too excited about it then

oscarpiastri: i appreciated the enthusiasm but like i feel like it was a PRIVATE moment ... not for the whole of the garage to see

landonorris: someone is missing lily ....

user43: i am trying to be joyful as per the holiday season but i am absolutely seething with jealousy

user44: hey siri play that should be me

yourusername: nope sorry never gonna happen :P

user45: okay girl you've made your point no need to rub it in our faces

yourusername: actually i think i will! my bf is pretty why wouldn't i show that off ?

user46: yall can hate her for this but realistically this is how we'd all be if we pulled lando

landonorris: you guys acting as if i'm the catch when it's literally her...

user47: do we think santa's elves can make me a lando norris? REAL ANSWERS ONLY ...

maxverstappen1: WOW you wouldn't think this was a double date trip ...

yourusername: you can't complain about BOTH of us pining and then be annoyed about us being lovey dovey

maxverstappen1: i can and i WILL

landonorris: you know what max you can complain all you want because this has been the BEST secret santa ever

maxverstappen1: so you won't call me a dirty driver next season?

landonorris: eh?

yourusername: make no mistake lando, i may love you but my loyalties on track remain with max

landonorris: as long as you're still coming home with me i guess i'll deal with it

yourusername: luv u xxxx

landonorris: i love you tooooo xxx

user48: is y/n going to do more for the on track tension than the literal fia?

yourusername: always gotta be a woman sorting everything out

user50: babe i think max is just afraid of you and lando is so in love he'll do anything for you

yourusername: AS THEY SHOULD BE

fin.

note: and on the first day of christmas aston martini gave to me a smau that undos all of our max vs lando tension from the season !! thought i'd treat yall to the first day early <33

#f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 instagram au #f1 x you #f1 #f1 social media au #astonmartinii #lando norris insta au #lando norris x reader #lando norris imagine #lando norris x you #lando norris #lando norris instagram edit #lando norris social media au #12 days of astonmartinimas

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hollowed-theory-hall · 27 days ago

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I don't get why the fandom likes to say Lily and Ginny look really similar to each other.

I mean, yeah, they both have red hair (different shades of red, btw), but all their other descriptions are very different, and the two probably don't look alike at all.

Let's start with their hair:

She was a very pretty woman. She had dark red hair and her eyes — her eyes are just like mine, Harry thought, edging a little closer to the glass. Bright green — exactly the same shape

(PS)

It was one of the girls from the lake edge. She had thick, dark red hair that fell to her shoulders and startlingly green almond-shaped eyes — Harry’s eyes.

(OotP)

Ginny, on the other hand, is described with "flaming red" hair, so it's likely something like this:

Plump little Mrs. Weasley; tall, balding Mr. Weasley; six sons; and one daughter, all (though the black-and-white picture didn’t show it) with flaming-red hair

(PoA)

where two enormous gray feet stood on the smooth Chamber floor. And between the feet, facedown, lay a small, black-robed figure with flaming-red hair.

(CoS)

As Lily's hair is described as "dark red", so we're probably talking on this sort of more auburn color while Ginny's (and her brothers) hair would be more orange (Lily - Left, Ginny - Right):

Also, Lily is described as having "thick" hair, while Ginny isn't. So, I usually imagine Ginny's hair as straight while Lily's has more waviness and volume to it.

Their eye color (and shape) is also different:

As I mentioned above, Lily has bright green almond-shaped eyes like Harry, while Ginny's eyes are described as:

He forced himself to look directly into her eyes, noticing as he did so that they were precisely the same shade of brown as Ginny’s.

(DH)

They are built really differently as well, and their facial structure is likely quite different too. Ginny is often mentioned to take after Molly (short with brown eyes) and we know Molly is plump and rounder:

Mrs. Weasley was marching across the yard, scattering chickens, and for a short, plump, kind-faced woman

(CoS)

So, Ginny likely has a similar build, short and stocky (if likely less plump as she's more sporty. Also she didn't have 7 pregnancies yet which can also affect a woman's build), and has a round face. She is mentioned to be noticeably short of repeatedly:

“You need more persuasion?” she said, her chest rising and falling rapidly. “Very well — take the smallest one,” she ordered the Death Eaters beside her. “Let him watch while we torture the little girl. I’ll do it.” Harry felt the others close in around Ginny. He stepped sideways so that he was right in front of her, the prophecy held up to his chest.

(OotP)

Harry looked over the top of Ginny’s head to see Dean Thomas holding a shattered glass in his hand

(HBP) - Harry who's about 5'11 in HBP can easily see over the top of Ginny's head.

Lily, on the other hand, is Petunia's sister and likely shares some familial resemblance. Petunia is tall (for a woman, not tall-tall), thin, and she has a thin face:

Aunt Petunia’s thin, horsey face now appeared beside Uncle Vernon’s wide, purple one. She looked livid.

(OotP)

Plus, Lily is implied to be taller than Pettigrew (who I estimate at about 5'2 and taller than Ginny):

His mother and father were beaming up at him, sitting on either side of a small, watery-eyed man Harry recognized at once as Wormtail

(OotP)

Also when she stands next to a 5'11 James, she isn't mentioned to be shorter than him by a full head (like Ginny is and which is the kind of thing Harry often mentions):

The tall, thin, black-haired man standing next to her put his arm around her

(PS)

I always imagined Petunia as tall and thin and Lily not shorter by much. So, Lily is somewhere around 5'6-ish, I think, which is a bit taller than average, while I imagined Petunia is a little taller. And Lily would likely have a thin, slightly longer-looking face, especially compared to Ginny. (Harry too, is mentioned to have a thin face, like his mom).

Ginny, like the rest of the Weasleys, is very freckled:

My father told me all the Weasleys have red hair, freckles, and more children than they can afford.

(PS)

Mr. Weasley, Fred, George, and Ron in a cloud of rubble and loose chippings. Aunt Petunia shrieked and fell backward over the coffee table; Uncle Vernon caught her before she hit the floor, and gaped, speechless, at the Weasleys, all of whom had bright red hair, including Fred and George, who were identical to the last freckle.

(GoF)

Charlie was built like the twins, shorter and stockier than Percy and Ron, who were both long and lanky. He had a broad, good-natured face, which was weather-beaten and so freckly that he looked almost tanned;

(GoF)

Note Fred, George, and Charlie, like Ginny are more similar to Molly, and all are covered in freckles.

Whereas Lily (or Petunia) is never mentioned to have freckles, and most likely doesn't have any. Her face is only ever described as white. If she did have freckles, Harry would have mentioned it since it's the kind of thing he notices. Especially considering how excited he is whenever he sees his parents' faces.

So, Ginny and Lily don't look at all alike, not even their hair is the same kind of red and I find all the jokes about Oedipus complex or Hinny looking just like Jily make very little sense when you look at their actual descriptions in the books. These two women look nothing alike (besides red hair (in different shades!) and white skin), so it just kind of annoys me when they're treated like look-alikes in fanon.

#harry potter #hp #hp meta #hollowedtheory #harry potter meta #lily potter #lily evans #ginny weasley #character appearance

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fridjitzu · 7 months ago

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So I recently realized the reason why Jean Jacket didn't (as far as we know, anyway) try to hunt the parkgoers at Jupiter's Claim for the six months or so that she was hanging around the valley (at least, until the Star Lasso Experience, but I'll elaborate on my theory about that under the readmore):

The territory was already claimed (lol) by another large, one-eyed floaty thing.

I mean, yeah, it doesn't look much like a fellow sky roomba, but lots of animals are easily spooked by things that only sort of look like things that are dangerous to them. That's why eye spot mimicry is so popular in butterflies and moths, after all, and why cats are so easily spooked by cucumbers.

But then, why did she come anywhere near the arena for her weekly horsey snack for the six months before the SLE? It's on the very edge of the park, but it's still next to the main area, right?

Well, guess who isn't facing in the direction of the arena?

She might have been just pushing her luck each time, seeing how much more territory she could steal behind Lil' Jupe's inflatable back, or maybe she was just thinking "It's not looking at me, so it doesn't care if I hunt the horses that show up in this gulch". Either way, no eye contact = not a threat.

Of course, there's still the question of why JJ suddenly changed up her behavior during the SLE incident. There's evidence of her rampaging through the park itself when OJ arrives on the scene, like the suddenly empty petting zoo, and the pig on the sheriff's building.

My theory on that is: with that horse statue stuck in her craw, she was in pain, and was fixated on looking for a way to flush her system out. Much like how Gordy acted aggressively and didn't listen to his offscreen trainer like he presumably normally would, JJ was too agitated by pain/discomfort to give a shit about respecting presumed territory lines, and it's not like Lil' Jupe was doing anything to stop her in the moment. She just had "ow ow ow still sore, must find more prey and eat it, that will flush out the sore thing" going on in whatever her equivalent of a brain might be.

(a minor tangent: I will note that there's what appears to be a body of water next to the park, which I think would have probably worked to flush the horse statue out just as well as pureed parkgoer, but who knows if JJs even know how to drink water? They live in clouds, they can probably absorb all the water they need from the atmosphere.)

(Here's screencap proof that I'm not just pulling that detail out of my ass.)

Anyways, back to my main point:

The implication that JJ had been considering Lil' Jupe a rival sky beastie defending its territory for that whole ass six months before the main events of the movie also makes the final confrontation kinda extra dramatic (and funny) in context. It's not just her having sudden beef with a random thing with an eye this time - from JJ's perspective, it's her rival, whose territory is frequently swarming with prey, and now, instead of just lurking near the ground, it's in the clouds with her! And she's already agitated and upset from beefing with the Haywoods, so no wonder she jumped to trying to eat it so quickly. (Not that it ended well for her. Nobody fucks with Haywood, after all.)

#nope movie #nope 2022 #nope spoilers #jean jacket #nope jean jacket #lil' jupe

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fandom-junk-drawer · 4 months ago

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The Witcher Headcanon - Witcher Senses: Hearing

As a Witcher, Geralt has enhanced hearing. He can hear sound pitches that normal humans don't even know exist. The enhanced sense helps to keep him alive on the Path .

Having enhanced hearing comes in handy on the Path, but sometimes, it can be quite a curse. On one hand, you have superhuman hearing and can hear everything, but on the other hand, you have superhuman hearing and can hear everything.

When he starts traveling with Jaskier, he has to get used to all the noises another living thing makes. He's used to the sounds Roach makes as she lives her horsey life, but Jaskier brings a new set of sounds he has to grow accustomed to.

Geralt can tell how his bard is feeling by listening to the sounds he makes. He can hear if he is ill by how he breathes and how his heart beats. He can tell if the stew Jaskier ate last night is going to come out one end or the other by the rumbles in his guts.

Many times, those sounds he can hear are very annoying.

Geralt lays awake many nights, the sound of Jaskier's breathing annoying the absolute f**k out of him. He feels like he understands women better

"I can't stand the sound of his breathing", and "I hate the way he breathes!", suddenly sound like very valid reasons for murder.

And Jaskier only thinks he's being quiet when, in the wee hours of the night, he decides to visit with Mrs. Rosy Palm.

Geralt discovers that silence can be very loud indeed and he can hear him from the other side of the campsite, but he does his best to pretend to be asleep so as to not make things awkward. Sometimes he makes a few sleepy sounding grunts and gets up to pretend he needs to take a p*ss or sh*t, and heads off into the woods for a bit.

Not all the sounds Jaskier makes are annoying. Some of them are pleasant. The sound of his voice as he sings quietly to himself, or laughs, or talks about everything and anything. The sound of his bickering with Yennefer. Really just the sound of his voice in general, especially when he drops his adopted Court accent and allows his Northen accent to come out.

Those are comforting sounds; sounds that make him happy.

And of course, there are sounds that just cause a visceral reaction. There aren't many things that bother a Witcher, but Jaskier accidentally discovers one of the few sounds that does.

One evening, Jaskier decides to try to find out just how good Geralt's hearing is, and badgered Geralt with all sorts of questions about it.

Geralt puts up with the questions, some of which were absurd. Sometimes, he wonders if Jaskier is just f***ing with him, trying to see how far he can wind him up.

Jaskier ignores the death glare Geralt is giving him and sits by the fire, admiring the new comb he'd bought that afternoon.

"Can you hear a bear sh*tting in the woods?"

"Can you hear the sound of one hand clapping?"

"Oh, OH! Can you hear if people are f***ing in one of the other rooms when we stay at an inn?"

Geralt casually grumbles, "No, but I can hear you f***ing your d*mn hand in your bedroll when you think I'm asleep."

Jaskier flinches, embarrassed, but covers it with a dramatic, scandalized gasp,"HoW rUdE! cAn'T a MaN gEt aNy PrIvAcY?" He frowns at Geralt when the Witcher responds with a derisive "hm" and an eye roll.

Jaskier, embarrassed and annoyed, idly runs his fingernail down the teeth of the comb, and...

...Geralt gags violently.

"Geralt, are you alright?" Jaskier asks as Geralt swallows thickly, a surprised and confused look on his face.

Jaskier instantly forms a theory.

Ooh, let's test it out!

He glances at Geralt one more time, then back at the comb, and drags his fingernail down the teeth.

Geralt made a retching sound, and a smile split Jaskier's face.

"Jaskier, don't you dar-EeUUrRggHh!"

"JaskiEeEauUrrRgGhh!"

"Stop doing tHaRRgHhKH!"

"HeuORgHKKK!"

"FaWWWUGHKing staHhuaRk!"

"BbleeEEUaRgkH!"

Jaskier is laughing and grinning as he keeps making the godsawful sound, until Geralt lunges at him and begins chasing him around the campsite.

Jaskier is dodging and running as Geralt chases him, their progress punctuated by the toothy sound of the comb, followed by gagging.

Roach watches in bemusement as her two imbeciles continue their nonsense, until Jaskier, now too busy laughing at Geralt to look where he's going, runs into a tree.

Geralt jumps on him, hisses at him, and snatches up the wretched comb, before hurling it as hard as he can into the woods.

The rest of the evening passes in sulky silence from Geralt. He feels a little bit bad for throwing the comb, and does apologize.

Jaskier just waves the incident off. He isn't too worried about the comb because he'd bought two. He refrains (with great effort) from using this newfound knowledge for evil. At least until he gets to Kaer Morhen that winter.

Lambert is the first to fall victim. He's being an ar**hole, as usual, and Jaskier, being the petty little sh*t he is, waits until his back is turned, then retaliates.

Get combed motherf**ker!

Eskel didn't do anything wrong, he just happened to unfortunately be within earshot when Jaskier took out Lambert.

Eskel had no clue where that awful sound had come from, but he d*mn near prolapsed his esophagus when it made him gag.

The other witchers were merely victims of bardic boredom.

They were all having dinner in uncharacteristic silence. Jaskier's attempts at conversation and entertainment had been met with disapproving glares and grumbles.

Oh, ok, you gloomy b**tarts, I see how it's going to be

Jaskier casually reached into his pocket and took out the comb

The quiet sound cut through the silence like the peal of a bell.

The Hall erupted in sputtering, spat drinks, and a symphony of gagging.

Jaskier is cackling madly as Witchers all over the Great Hall rise and start coming for him, cussing and snarling.

Jaskier runs for the door, pauses, and *comb sounds*

Witchers: *doubling over, falling to their knees, gagging, puking*

Jaskier had to hide in Yennefer's room until the Witchers were no longer considering outright murder.

#the witcher #the witcher netflix #twn #the witcher headcanon #geralt #geralt of rivia #jaskier #julian alfred pankratz #geraskier #henry cavill #witcher hearing headcanon

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cosmerelists · 2 months ago

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If We Had Cosmere-Themed Chess Sets...

Now that I think about it, these might simply exist. B-But anyway, here's how I think a chess set could be constructed thematically from various Cosmere books.

[Spoilers! I wouldn't read these unless you've read the series mentioned in the title]

1. The Stormlight Chess Set

King: Elhokar. He is the king and also, and I say this gently, he doesn't do much or go very far, typically. Just like the king in chess! Queen: Jasnah. Is the queen...albeit at a different time than her brother is the king, but eh. Very powerful. Can move anywhere. Might be the strongest piece on the board. Bishops: Kadash and Pai. I just think they should be Ardents, and I picked my favorite two. Knights: Renarin & Adolin. Renarin because he should be the piece that moves in the most unique way. No one else moves in an L shape! And Adolin? Well...not gonna lie. I just think Adolin should be a horsey piece. Rooks: Dalinar and the Sibling. Dalinar because he needs to be a piece that is strong. That moves in a firm, straight line. That can do that castle move which is about protecting the king. And the Sibling because they are literally a tower. Pawns: Bridge 4. Main purpose was to be sent out to die, although if they make it allll the way across the board they can get a very special powerup and become one of the most powerful pieces on the board.

2. The Mistborn Era 1 Chess Set

King: Kelsier. Yes, the game is supposed to end if the king dies. No, Kelsier-King does not play by the rules. Queen: Vin. I mean, she's a Mistborn, which to me is parallel to being the piece that move in any direction as far as it wants. Very powerful. Bishops: Hammond & Dockson. Stand on either side of the queen and king. One can only move on black squares, and one can only move on white, which symbolizes how Ham & Dockson are on the same side but rarely see eye-to-eye. Knights: TenSoon & Marsh. Knights make hard turns as pieces, and these are characters who are always making hard turns: TenSoon from one side to other, from one body to another (and yes, I gave him the animal piece. Sue me). And Marsh from human to Inquisitor to, uh, Death I guess. Rooks: Demoux & Spook. I can't tell you why rooks read as "true believers in Kelsier" to me, but they do. And I kinda like these two as a pair. Pawns: The Skaa army that Kelsier tries to recruit. Sorry to those men.

3. The Mistborn Era 2 Chess Set

King: Harmony. Can't do much himself, but does direct the other characters. If he gets killed (shattered), the game could be over for Scadrial. Queen: Wax. Harmony's sword. Can zoom all over the place killing other pieces. Bishops: Steris & Marasi, as the resident believers in Survivorism. Knights: Wayne & MeLaan. Yes, I'm realizing that I see kandra as the little horsey pieces, I guess. And the knights can't move straight. And neither Wayne nor MeLaan are straight either. Rooks: Ranette & uh...Marsh again? Am I forgetting someone? Why are there so few characters in Era 2? A-Anyway, Ranette and Marsh definitely make sense because they're both, uh, support characters. Ranette making weapons. Marsh dropping info. And the Rooks are there to support the king! Pawns: All the kandra. Pawns of Harmony, every one. Bleeder is the really angry one determined to make it across the board and get promoted.

4. The Elantris Chess Set

King: Raoden. As a dead guy trapped in Elantris, Raoden doesn't have a lot of moves he can make. But dang is he really good at doing a lot with a little. Queen: Sarene. Sarene, on the other hand, has a LOT more freedom of movement and she uses it. Bishops: Hrathen and Dilaf. Hilarious to have them on the same side as Raoden and Sarene, I know. But listen. They gotta be the church pieces. Knights: Galladon and Karata. Since knights trace out the letter "L" and the Elantrians need to draw symbols in the air to do magic, I thought...wait. I swear this made sense in my head. Rooks: Kiin and Eondel. Kiin because the rooks kinda look like they're wearing a crown and Kiin was due to become king, and Eondel because he's the guy who has the strong private army. Pawns: I think it would be fun if the pawns were people with the Shaod, since they could become really powerful but they aren't currently.

5. The Warbreaker Chess Set

King: Siri. Not only does Siri spend the whole book being shuffled from one room to another (like the king can shuffle one square at a time), but a major plot point is Keep Siri Alive when the other side tries to kill her, so. Queen: Susebron. I do want Siri and Susebron to be king & queen, and it just works better this way. Once he gets his powers figured out, he's an all-powerful sort of guy. Bishops: Lightsong & Blushweaver. They're literal religious figures. Knights: Vasher & Vivenna. Mainly because they're warriors. Rooks: Parlin & Llarimar. I know Llarimar should be a bishop because he has the hat, but I like the Returned gods as bishops. So I made him the rook--and Parlin too (as soon as I remembered he existed. Sorry, Parlin). They're both there to support/protect another character. Pawns: I think they should all be soldiers from the Lifeless army.

#cosmere #cosmerelists #stormlight archive #warbreaker #mistborn era 1 #mistborn era 2 #elantris

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pedrospatch · 1 year ago

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lost on you l a safe haven drabble

series masterlist

summary: You’re missing Joel and a certain mare seems to be picking up on your sadness—or at least that’s what you think is happening when there’s a sudden change in her behavior. Why else would Stella be acting so strange around you?

warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI. angst, horses, and a lil more angst. reader’s pregnancy is lightly being implied, but it has not been explicitly stated yet, only hinted at. no Joel, he is only mentioned in this one. Dina makes an appearance, i threw in some comedic moments to try and balance out the angst. ends with a horsey hug.

word count: 1.9k

a/n: so this is meant to be as a bit of a filler fic before chapter 9 is posted and shit hits the fan. i knew i wanted to do a short drabble that touches on how reader is doing after the confrontation she had with Joel. i also asked people to send in short prompts for the series to do some no pressure writing exercises, and this particular prompt that was sent in was just incredible and i decided to incorporate it. It makes me nervous to post a fic with no Joel in it, but my heart wanted to write it so fuck it, I just wrote it. chapter 9 is almost done and will be posted soon. @eyesneverbeensoblue i hope it’s okay to tag you in this and tell you thank you so much for the idea!

Lately, I’m getting lost on you

I tore your world apart like it was nothing new

every day I’m a slave to the heartache…

Summer slowly, but surely comes to an end.

The days are long, but the nights without Joel?

They’re even longer, at least, that’s how it feels.

You miss him. Oh God, how you fucking miss Joel Miller.

He’s all you can ever think about.

Every second of every minute of every single day.

You miss Joel so much that it physically hurts. Every part of you just aches for him. Aches.

Your insides feel like they’re on fire, and you can't put it out.

The heartache is agonizing, almost unbearable—it’s unlike anything you have ever felt before.

In front of others, you hold it together pretty well. But when you’re alone, behind closed doors?

That’s when you fall apart. Crumble into pieces.

Losing Joel is something you will never heal from. Never.

Traces of himself he’d left behind—would you ever be able to wipe yourself clean of them? Of him? Or would you have to spend the rest of your damn life trying to get over the man who fucking adored the hell out of you and who loved you so unconditionally?

“He misses you, you know,” Ellie says, quietly. She stands beside you and diligently runs a hard, bristled hand brush along Jasper’s side to clear his golden coat of dirt and debris. The palomino is just one of several horses that needed tending to after that morning’s patrol shift. Realizing you’re too busy jotting down notes in Jasper’s handwritten file you keep for him—you kept a file for every single horse in the commune—Ellie clears her throat and then speaks again, louder this time. “He misses you.”

You wince and stop mid scribble.

“Ellie—” you trail off, your throat going dry.

Even though you’d asked her about a hundred and one times not to talk about Joel, Ellie was hellbent on bringing him up to you as often as she could. At first, it seemed innocent enough. She stuck to just letting you know how his recovery was going.

“His shoulder’s healing really well.”

“Donna came over to help with physical therapy.”

“He’ll be back on patrol in a couple of weeks.”

So you’d given her a pass. Besides, you would be a liar if you said you didn’t want to know how he was healing after his injury.

However, Ellie then began to wander into more sensitive and dangerous territory.

“He asked me about you.”

“He was drinking again last night.”

“He looks so fucking miserable.”

You know why she’s doing it.

It’s not to make you feel guilty for hurting Joel.

Hell, she knows that you’re hurting just as badly. She loves you and she loves Joel—the two people Ellie cares about more than anything are suffering without each other.

You hate that she’s essentially been pulled right into the middle of this mess that you’ve created.

Ellie is collateral damage. This is all hurting her too.

“He misses you a lot,” she adds after a minute.

You exhale sharply. Her words feel like a punch to the gut and they knock the wind out of your lungs.

Finally, you look up from your clipboard, turning to her. “Ellie,” you say her name warningly. “Stop it. We’re not going to do this today. Okay?”

“I’m just saying,” she mumbles, placing a hand on Jasper’s side. “If someone was missing me, I think I would want to fucking know.”

You feel the lump steadily rising in your throat.

“Ellie, please don’t—”

“I’m here, I’m here, I’m here!”

The sound of Dina’s voice fills the horse stables.

The teenager whips herself into Jasper’s stall, skidding to a stop in front of you, sweaty and breathless, as if she had just run across the settlement.

“I’m so sorry I’m late!” She apologizes, setting her bag down on the ground. Pulling a scrunchie from the back pocket of her jeans, she throws her long, black hair into a messy bun as she explains herself. “Talia asked me to help her out in the library this morning and I totally lost track of time. And then on the way over here, I bumped into Mrs. Miller as she was walking home from the market and I mean, I could not just let a pregnant lady carry all those heavy bags across town—”

“Dina, breathe, sweetheart.” You hold up a hand to stop her. “It’s okay. As long as you show up, that’s all I care about. Especially since Tommy and Maria moved Logan to patrol duty. That’s another stable hand gone, so I need all the help I can possibly get around here.” Slipping your clipboard under your arm, you glance from Dina to Ellie. The emotions from what had happened just seconds before your niece had run in are bubbling, threatening to boil over. “Listen, I have to go do a routine examination on Stella. Finish up with grooming Jasper. I have a couple of horses that are due for baths—Luna and Bandit. Then it’s feeding time. Got it?”

Dina smiles brightly. “We’ll take care of it, won’t we, El?”

Sensing your urgency to leave, Ellie gives a subtle, small nod of her head. “Yeah. We will.”

“Good. I’ll come check on you girls when I’m done with Stella.” Spinning around on the muck caked heel of your boot, you hastily leave Jasper’s stall and nearly fly all the way down the stables and into Stella’s.

You rush inside, closing the top and bottom half of the Dutch door before sagging back against the wood. You toss your clipboard aside on the floor of the stall and lift both your hands, covering your face as you choke back sobs of pure agony.

He misses you.

As you will yourself to keep yourself from falling apart, you feel a warm muzzle dig lightly into your lower stomach. Dropping your hands from your face, you glance up only to see Stella peering at you with clear and unmistakable curiosity in her big brown eyes.

“Hi there, my gorgeous girl,” you murmur softly to the pregnant mare. A tear slips out from the corner of your eye and you quickly wipe it away with the back of your hand.

Stella lowers her head and sniffs at your stomach, right where she had dug into you. Her ears prick forward and she nuzzles the same spot again.

You shoot her a strange look. You’ve never seen her exhibit this type of behavior before.

“Stella, what are you doing?” you ask, almost as if you expect her to speak and give you an answer. “Why are you being so weird?”

Stella sniffs you again, then nips at the hem of your tank top.

“Hey! Cut that out.” You can’t help but let out a watery giggle as you carefully pull the fabric out of her mouth. Realizing the strange behavior must have something to do with the mare sensing the intensity of your negative emotions, you gently place both of your hands on either side of her muzzle. Inhaling a deep breath through your nose, you slowly exhale it through your mouth before touching your forehead to hers. “I’ll be okay, girl. I’ll be okay. There’s no other choice—I have to be okay.”

An hour later, you’d finished the examination.

Stella had continued to act oddly around you, her behavior becoming more and more peculiar as time went on. You were bonded to her of course—you were bonded to just about every single horse in the commune—and so it didn’t really surprise you that the mare was so in tune with your emotions and could feel that something was off. She was extremely attentive to you as you worked, her eyes never leaving you, not even for a second.

Stella also continued to sniff you, nuzzling you in the stomach any chance she had. For as bizarre as it was, it brought you an off sense of comfort and it made you feel less alone.

“Hey auntie.” Dina opens the stall door, poking her head inside. “Can we come in?”

“Of course.”

She pushes the door open further and walks into the stall with Ellie on her heels. Both of them are almost completely soaked from head to toe.

Your eyes widen. “Um, girls, I’m pretty sure I told you to bathe the horses—not yourselves.”

Ellie lets out a small scoff. “Ha ha. Very funny.”

“Bandit wasn’t having it,” Dina chuckles. “But he’s all clean, and so is Luna. We just came in to tell you we’re going to go dry off and change our clothes. We’ll be back for feeding time.” She glances at the mare. “How’s our sweet mama-to-be doing?”

“Good. She’s as healthy as a horse.”

The teenagers roll their eyes, but laugh.

“You’re so lame, auntie.”

“Just a little equine veterinarian humor. My dad used that one on me all the time.” You grin at the memory. “Stella’s doing really well. In about seven or eight months, we’ll have our new baby.”

“Well then, I think someone deserves a little treat since she’s doing so good.” Dina reaches into the bag she has slung over her shoulder and pulls out a crisp, red apple. She walks over, holding the fruit out in the palm of her hand for the horse. “Here you go, girl.”

Stella gives the apple a sniff, then takes it from her.

Usually, she wolfs it down in just a few chomps—but what she does next surprises all three of you. Apple still between her teeth, the mare turns and pushes her muzzle into your stomach.

“Oh shit,” Ellie cackles. “No fucking way!”

“Oh my god,” Dina grins. “Is she—she’s giving it to you?”

Shocked, you lift a hand and delicately take the apple from between her teeth. “Stella, you silly girl! What are you doing?” You hold it out for her. “This apple is for you, sweetheart. Here, take it.”

She tosses her head in the air.

Dina snorts into her hand. “She just told you no!”

“She wants you to have it.” Ellie shoots you a teasing look. “Come on, princess. Take a bite.”

You look at her, then down at the apple, which is covered completely in Stella’s slobber.

“Um, no thanks. I think I’ll pass,” you mutter.

“Auntie, don’t be rude,” Dina jokes. “It’s bad manners to refuse her offer.”

Rolling your eyes at your niece, you turn back to Stella and tell her, “I’ll eat it later. When it’s washed.”

“We’re starting to smell like wet horse,” Ellie makes a gagging noise as she takes a whiff of her shirt.

Dina lifts the collar of her blouse to her nose. “Oh, gross. We are starting to smell like wet horse.” She reaches out with her opposite hand, grabbing one of Ellie’s. She laces their fingers together. “Come on, let’s go change.”

You can’t help but notice the way Dina looks at Ellie—with the sweetest, most adoring little smile.

You raise an eyebrow, cocking your head slightly.

Ellie’s eyes meet yours and she blushes deeply.

If you ever had a chance to give Ellie Williams shit, this was it—but instead, you just give her a subtle wink from where you stand. Her face instantly goes from red to maroon.

“Be sure to be back in an hour for feeding time!” you call as Dina pulls her out of the stall. “I’m not feeding all these horses alone!”

“We will!”

Once the girls are gone, you turn to Stella and wrap your arms around her neck. “Thanks for trying to cheer me up today, pretty girl.”

She rests her head on your shoulder.

You feel more tears coming and hug her harder.

lyrics: Lost on You - Lewis Capaldi

#fic: a safe haven #fic: ash #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller angst #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller series #queued to post

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saintmeghanmarkle · 3 months ago

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Plageurise Plageurise Plageurise by u/Rescheduled1

Plageurise, Plageurise, Plageurise So I was watching the “Heartland” series reruns, which is a popular tv show filmed in Canada, based on the books of the same name, and being horsey people we love that show and have the series taped. Lo and behold, we were on Season 8 episode 17 titled “All I Need is You” and released in 2015. (3 years prior to Harry and Skank’s wedding) The most interesting part was that Ty and Amy (after going through much drama which nearly saw their wedding plans ruined) decide they can’t wait to be married one more minute and drive to the nearest town to elope just days before their actual wedding. The dialogue very much reminded me of what Meghan said about her and Harry not being able to wait and getting married in a private ceremony a few days before their actual wedding. It was very similar to Ty and Amy deciding spontaneously they couldn’t wait another minute, and that they want the ceremony for just themselves. The episode ends with them standing in front of a minister at a church in another town. This got me thinking that Heartland, being very popular, surely would have been the type of show that perhaps Meghan had seen, living in Canada at the time. Perhaps even this particular episode. She has been known to plageurise, and takes bits and pieces from films and books and makes them her own. I decided to go down the proverbial rabbit hole and drew from my memory other things that Meghan either did or said, which sounded like something I’ve seen in film. Take for instance that childish tongue sticking out on her very first Sunday service with the Royals (unforgettable poo emoji hat) - the same childlike sticking out of tongue is from Eddie Murphy’s “Coming to America” where at the end of the movie the bride sticks her tongue out at the plebs as she rides away in oppulance. Then there is Harry’s accounting of his fight with William in Spare, where William rips his necklace as the fall to the ground in a tussle. This is almost an exact replay of the brotherly fight scene from “La Bamba” where Richie Valen’s older brother scraps with him and rips off his necklace as they fall to the ground. It is my opinion that Meghan’s entire life is made up of many different movie scenes, all plageurised and changed just ever so slightly to make it sound like her own. Feel free to pile on with any other plageurised observances. post link: https://ift.tt/2lyk9uS author: Rescheduled1 submitted: October 26, 2024 at 07:33AM via SaintMeghanMarkle on Reddit disclaimer: all views + opinions expressed by the author of this post, as well as any comments and reblogs, are solely the author's own; they do not necessarily reflect the views of the administrator of this Tumblr blog. For entertainment only.

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brodygold · 3 months ago

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The Chess Tournament

Jason fidgeted nervously as he approached his assigned table. At 5'4", pudgy, and more comfortable in front of a computer screen, he was stepping into unfamiliar territory: his first in-person chess tournament. Online, Jason had racked up an impressive 1800 rating, but this was different—tangible, immediate, with no second chances in a single-elimination bracket.

Sitting at the table across from him was, without a doubt, one of the most athletic guys Jason had ever seen. This wasn’t the image of a typical chess player; the man was lean, muscular, and radiated charisma. He looked like he had just come from a photoshoot rather than a chess tournament, wearing a golden soccer jersey with the number 11 emblazoned on it. He wasn't;t attracted to guys, but even he could admit the guy was attractive. Jason couldn't help but think this guy had wandered into the wrong competition. No way a jock like him could hold his own here.

“Sup, man. Name’s Brody.” The athlete flashed a friendly smile, extending his hand.

“Jason,” he replied, shaking it, the disparity between their grips palpable. "Shall we get started?"

"Sure thing, bro. Looks like you're up first," Brody said, leaning back with a relaxed air.

Jason moved a pawn forward, confident he could end this quickly. The four-move checkmate was a tried and true tactic against beginners. Brody was probably thinking about his next soccer practice, not chess strategy.

But to Jason’s surprise, Brody blocked the move with precision. Maybe it was luck. Or maybe not. As the game unfolded, Jason realized this wasn’t going to be an easy win.

Jason focused intently on the board, calculating his next moves. So absorbed was he in the game, he didn’t notice the subtle changes creeping over his body. His posture straightened as his body stretched upward to 6 feet, muscle replacing fat. His clothes tightened, then shifted to a snug athletic fit, as if sculpted for his new, lean physique. Brown hair lightened into a sun-kissed blonde, cropped into a sporty, effortless cut. His transformation was seamless, unnoticed.

The mental changes followed. Jason’s sharp, calculating mind dulled, as if a fog had rolled in. Why was he thinking so hard? His thoughts drifted, losing their focus on chess strategy. Instead, his mind filled with something simpler, something primal: soccer, the gym, hanging with his bros, and—strangely—admiring his teammates' physiques. His eyes glossed over the board. Who needed this game when there were other, more important things, like team camaraderie and post-practice showers?

“Checkmate,” Brody announced casually, snapping Jason out of his reverie. The horsey and the pointy piece had him trapped.

“Dang, GG bro!” Jason grinned, a playful laugh escaping his lips. “Glad I got to play you, bro!”

Brody’s smile was unwavering, though there was a depth to it Jason couldn’t quite grasp. “Me too, bro. See you at practice later?”

Jason didn’t hesitate. “Hell yeah, bro! Good luck, man.”

Brody's grin widened. "Oh, don't worry. I've got this."

As Jason left the tournament, he felt an unfamiliar surge of pride—not for the chess game, but for being part of something bigger. The Golden Army was his family now, his purpose. And deep down, he already knew a few others who would love to join.

Back at the venue a few hours later, Brody smirked as he hoisted the trophy. The Golden Army had swept yet another event, but that wasn’t the true victory. Securing new members like Jason? That was the real prize. He shot off a message to Captain Richard: Another successful recruitment. Practice is gonna get packed, Cap. Don’t worry—I’ll make sure of it.

#golden army #thegoldenteam #male transformation #soccer tf #golden team #jockification #jock tf #male tf #nerd to jock #dumbing down #dumb jock #chess

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tightjeansjavi · 2 years ago

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𝕓𝕝𝕦𝕖 𝕛𝕖𝕒𝕟𝕤 𝕟’𝕋𝕖𝕩𝕒𝕤 𝕕𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕞𝕤

𝕡𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝕠𝕟𝕖

♡ 𓃗 ♡

Pre! Outbreak Joel x horseback riding instructor f!reader

A/N: as a horse girl/equestrian, this story is very special to me. I hope you all enjoy Joel+Clove/Clover (bc you’re his lucky charm) and their cute lil horsey love story ♡

~word count : 2.3k~

Summary: Joel Miller, single father; total soft dad has an astronomically enormous crush on you, his daughters horseback riding instructor.

Warnings: soft! Joel, shy! Joel, fluff, flirting, slow burn, eventual established relationship, single! Father Joel, protective! Joel, he’s so sweet your teeth will hurt! Joel, eventual smut, some angst, no y/n, +18 minors dni !

blue jeans playlist:

Austin, Texas

Joel Miller, 34; single father and a total softy, only for his kid of course. Sarah was his absolute sunshine. His baby girl. After her mom was no longer in the picture, Joel took on the full responsibility of being a single father, with the help of his brother Tommy too. Sarah was an adventurous kid. She always wanted to be outside. Whether it was hiking with her dad, playing soccer, or any other sport she could fathom. Joel would do anything and everything for his daughter. He’d lasso her the fucking moon if he could. When she wanted to try out for soccer, he became her coach. He researched all the drills, got her the best cleats he could afford, and attended every single one of her practices, and games. Yeah, you could say he was easily the most unashamedly supportive dad out there.

It came as no surprise to Joel when Sarah came to him one day after school going on and on about horses. Her class had watched the movie ‘Spirit’ that day, and she was absolutely hooked. It was the only thing she wanted to talk about when he picked her up. Joel loved to see his kid talking about the things she loved, so passionately.

“Dad, the movie had me in tears! It was such a beautiful story, I can’t stop thinking about it!”

He chuckled, bringing his arm around the back of her seat as he backed out of the parking spot he was currently in. “Yeah? Think i’ve heard of that movie before kiddo. It’s a good one.”

“Would you watch it again?”

“With you? Absolutely!”

She had rolled the window down, letting her arm rest on the side. She had purple nail polish on, her favorite color. “So Dad, what if I said I maybe wanted to look into taking some horseback riding lessons? I already grabbed like 6 different horse books from the school library! Did you know that horses can sleep standing up? They only lie down to sleep when they feel safe, and there’s usually another horse watching over them just in case!”

“I had no idea about that kiddo. You got any more horse facts for me?” He tapped his hand lightly against the steering wheel, Linda Ronstadt’s ‘Long Long Time’ crackled through the old radio in his truck. “You wanna look into getting some horseback riding lessons? Sure, sweet pea. I’ll look into it for ya.

Sarah was already pulling out one of the horse books from her bag, flipping through the pages. “Oh! Here’s one, did you know that horses have a nearly 360-degree field of vision? They have two blind spots, one directly behind them, and other directly in front of their head.” She looked over at her dad in the passenger seat, she was beaming when he said he would look into riding lessons for her. “Really? Thank you dad, you’re the best!”

“Is that why you’re not supposed to stand behind ‘em cause they’ll spook? No problem kiddo. Might have to take an extra shift with Tommy but it’ll be alright.” He spoke while pulling into their driveway and as soon as he was parked, Sarah was unbuckling her seat belt and giving him a big hug and kiss on the cheek. “I think so? Bet the book I'm reading will have all the answers! I’ll do the dishes extra this week and anything else you need help with, okay?”

He hugged her back, giving her a soft kiss on the side of her head. He loved his daughter more than anything in the world.

“I appreciate it kiddo. Whad’ya want for dinner? If you say pizza again I swear–”

She giggled as she pulled away from his hug shortly after and hopped out of the passenger seat. “I was gonna say that we should switch it up a bit, so how about some chicken fingers and fries?”

“Kiddo, you gotta get some vegetables in there! How about broccoli?”

She made a weird face at him. “Broccoli? Really dad? That stuff is nasty!”

“What if I smother it in butter and cheese?”

“Now we’re talking!”

He chuckled to himself, cutting the ignition and hopped out of the driver's seat. “Damn kid never wantin’ to eat her greens.” He muttered to himself.

Sarah had cooped herself up in her room with her horse books spread out on her bed. She barely even heard her dad hollering that dinner was ready because she was that immersed in it. The second time he yelled, she closed up the book and headed downstairs.

After dinner and a couple episodes of ‘The Saddle Club’ were watched, Joel had carried a sleeping Sarah up to her room. He gently tucked her in under the covers, kissing the top of her head before he gathered up all her books and quietly placed them on her desk. He took one last look at his baby girl, who was peacefully sleeping before he softly closed her bedroom door.

Joel found himself sitting in his makeshift office, looking up horseback riding facilities in their area. He got distracted by this neat little website called, ‘breyerhorses.com’ There he found that the website was for toy figurine horses called model horses. As soon as he recognized the two horses from the movie ‘Spirit,’ he didn’t hesitate ordering them for Sarah. He ordered one for himself as well, a Quarter Horse in a sliding stop position. He admittedly had no idea what the horse was doing, but he recognized it from a rodeo he attended way back when.

After the model horses were ordered, he was back on the hunt. Most of the horseback riding facilities in their area were way out of his budget. They also came off as being elite, a little snobby, and definitely not for beginners. He was just about to give up when he stumbled upon your website. Thank the heavens, he thought to himself as he clicked the link. Right away he was liking what he was seeing just based on the words, ‘family owned’ and ‘non-profit’ The title of your facility was ‘Dream Riders.’ He read in the bio that every horse on the property was rescued, and that you were big on horsemanship skills. He also liked to see that lessons were offered for all ages, skill level, experience, and riding style. What really sold him was how affordable the prices were, and thank fuck for that because all the other hunter jumper barns he looked at, had a starting rate of $60-$100 per lesson. Who in their right mind was spending that much on a horseback riding lesson? Not Joel Miller. Each of the horses had a little bio as well including their breed, age, and personality. He admittedly skipped over that section and went right to your bio.

He could tell just from your smile alone that you were a decent person. You had kind, soft looking eyes. The photograph you had posted was you with your horse, your arm draped around his neck, giving him a hug. Joel couldn’t deny that you were pretty easy on the eyes as well. Not that it really mattered. He was only looking to make sure that his daughter would be in good hands. It just happened to be a bonus that you were attractive. Nothing more, and nothing less. He scribbled down your name and phone number onto a torn piece of paper.

He called you the following morning after dropping Sarah off at school, holding the phone against his ear as it rang. He tapped his fingers along the steering wheel as he waited.

You had just finished bringing the horses in from being out in the pasture all night when your phone rang. You had reached into your back pocket pulling it out to answer it and of course, Javi P chose to be a dickhead to his brother, Javi G, yet again. The tall, chestnut OTTB, (off the track Thoroughbred) let out a mean squeal over the side of his stall door. His ears were flattened against his head as he pawed at the wood aggressively. “Would you cut that shit out man? You’re gonna get your grain in a minute, pal. Eat your hay and stop making faces at your brother, dickhead.” You walked over to Javi G’s stall and reached your hand up and gently gave his velvety nose a gentle pet. “He’s always so grumpy in the morning huh? Who took a shit in his oats?” You gave him a quick kiss on the nose before finally answering your phone.

You said your name first before Joel even had the chance to get a word out. “Dream Riders, how can I help you?” You didn’t have a Texas accent like Joel had expected, and he could tell that you weren’t a local by any means.

“Hey, this is Joel. Hope i’m not botherin’ you or anythin’ just was looking to get my daughter some riding lessons–”

Javi P had kicked the side of his stall door, making a loud thump with his heavy hoof.

“Joel? Just gimme a minute, yeah?”

“Uh sure–”

You pulled your phone away from your ear as you gave the tall Thoroughbred a warning look.

“What did I just say? I’m on the phone, can’t you see that? You want me to turn you into glue? Don’t think that I won’t. Kick the door one more time bud, go on. See what happens.”

You brought the phone back to your ear with a small huff. You had no idea that Joel had heard the entire thing.

“Sorry about that Joel. You were saying that you were looking to get your daughter some riding lessons?”

“Yeah, I-uh–I was. Listen, you aren’t actually gonna turn that horse into glue, are you?”

You were visibly mortified, and felt flustered that Joel, a potential new client, heard you threaten to turn a horse into glue. You lifted your middle finger at Javi P then before rubbing your hand over your face.

“Oh god, did you hear that entire thing? I’m so sorry about that. Just was scolding one of our lovely horses. I swear, I will not be turning him into glue.” You nervously laughed.

Joel let out a chuckle as he leaned back against the worn leather seat in his truck.

“Oh, well that’s a relief. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop or anythin’ like that. Just couldn’t help but hear that part, y’know?”

“No worries at all, Joel. I should have been more aware of my surroundings. Anyway, what skill level is your daughter at?”

“She’s a beginner. Never been on a horse in her life. She just came to me yesterday actually after watching the movie Spirit, and said she really wants to take some horseback riding lessons. I spent all night lookin’ for the right place and then stumbled upon your page. Thought there was no harm in given’ ya a call.”

“Ah, I see. So she got hooked by the horse girl bug right away, huh? Well I'm sure you’ve already seen on our page that we’re entirely inclusive. All ages, skill level, experience, and riding style. I happen to teach all the beginners myself so your daughter would be taught under me. If you are interested, come on by anytime tomorrow and I'll give you both a tour?

“Yeah, that was honestly one of the main things that had your place stickin’ out from the rest. That and the price range.”

“Hunter jumper barns can cost a bitch-in-a-half. I used to take lessons at one years ago. Thought I was gonna have to take out a loan just to pay for lessons alone.”

Joel chuckled against the receiver. You had a mouth on you, that was for sure.

“Well, I think I’ll definitely take up your offer to get a tour of the place. You said anytime tomorrow? We’ll swing by sometime in the late afternoon. Does that work for you?”

“I really shouldn’t swear in front of potential customers, huh? Yeah! Anytime tomorrow works. Just give me a call when you’re on your way and I'll make sure I'm presentable. Looking forward to meeting you, and your daughter, Joel.”

“Perfect, I’ll let Sarah know. She’s gonna be stoked. Thank you again for your time darlin’ and see you late tomorrow afternoon. Take care now. I don’t mind the swearin’ by the way. Got a sailor’s mouth myself.”

Calling you darlin must have just been a Texas gentleman thing, right? So why did Joel Miller have you feeling red hot like a mushy tomato, on a hot summer's day already? You hadn’t even met this man yet, and just by his voice alone, you knew he was attractive.

“You got a sailor's mouth too? Well shit, never would have guessed that. Take care now, Joel. See you tomorrow.”

You ended the call and slipped your phone back into your jeans pocket as you walked down the row of stalls. You stopped in front of your own horse’s stall. Ezra was a 16 hand high Hanoverian. You rescued him from slaughter 5 years ago and you have been inseparable since.

“Hey fella,” You gave him a good pat on his soft neck, reached into your pocket and pulled out a carrot, holding it out for him and he gently grabbed it from your fingers. Chewing the treat happily. “Do all Texas men end first time phone calls with ‘darlin'?”

Your horse nickered in response, rubbing his face against your shoulder affectionately.

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I was gonna say bud.”

You gave him a good scratch behind his ears and one more carrot.

You were definitely a little too excited to meet this Joel Miller tomorrow. You couldn’t wait to put a face to his name.

Joel was feeling the same way about you as well. Except, he luckily had your website photo to go off of. Man, were you a pretty little thing.

Part 2:

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wsknbfanaccnt · 3 months ago

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Gurl I love your account!! Knb fandom is low-key dead so it's refreshing to see ppl who still like the show 🔥🔥

I have a request which (I think) is very diffrent from what you usually do? Basically your own headcanons about Akashi. But not NSFW or stuff like that. Just random headcanons you often think about, maybe some of his quirks, his favorite something...etc...

Anyway girl make sure you don't die cuz then who will post this delicious Akashi content ??😔

AAAAAAAAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH YALL I GOT A COMPLIMETN ON MY BLOG ASDHFKASJDHFLKJ HOOLY SHIT

YESSS i'd love to do that omfg

and you literally just gave me motivation to live HELL YEAH IMMA KEEP POSTING AKASHI CONTENT

i do have some already on this post that ive made so feel free to read that, but ive written more down below

i hope you like it AND THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING!!!

feel free to request more<3

tw! suicide and self harm at the end

(i hope this doesnt count as nsfw but i have a few strong headcanons abt this for him)

Akashi Random Headcanons

he was taught at an early age to put his pinky up when drinking or picking something up and he always gets teased by his friends for it

he plays Shogi with Bokushi in his head when he's bored (he literally plays blind chess why tf wouldnt he be able to do this?)

also argues with Bokushi a lot

he is secretly a metalhead and an ELITIST because his opinions are absolute (duh)

he talks to Shiori's grave when he's in a rough patch

he switches personality randomly throughout the day sometimes just to mess with people

he has online friends he plays chess with (NEEERRRRDDDD)

his name online is (this is more or less canon) Red Emperor

his hands are a bit calloused (from basketball, violin and stuff) and he's a lil insecure about it

when he needs to rant he takes Yukimaru out for a ride and rants to his horsey (with expletives)

his violin is a fucking Stradivarius (a brand on the same level as a Ferrari sports car)

fluent in many languages including, but not limited to, Spanish, Chinese, French, Italian, Arabic, Latin, Russian, German

he likes driving at night, it's so serene and calm for him

he HATES HATES HATES waking up in the morning and will willingly sacrifice a lecture session with Masaomi just to get 5 more minutes of sleep

sometimes he still eats popsicles from the convenience store to reminisce his time in Teiko

he is NOT a touchy person, he's gonna stay away from as much touch as possible (but he doesn't mind hugs)

he still has his first basketball that his mother gave to him as a kid and it's in his closet

he's never been to a supermarket lol and he does want to go inside one (he can and probably will buy every little flavor of everything that he sees interested)

when he does something slightly wrong he has an Internal panic attack and starts hearing Masaomi's voice yelling at him

uhhh he loves Sevonne (me) and considers her his wife <3

after everything that happened, he still keeps in touch with Midorima often and hangs out with him a lot

TW!

has thought about comitting suicide at one point in his life

not sure what point but one point

also has very faint scars on his upper thigh

#kurokosbasketball #akashi seijuro #knb #kuroko’s basketball #kurokos basketball #akashi seijirou #the basketball which kuroko plays #kuroko's basketball #akashiseijuro #kuroko no basket #kuroko no basketball #kuroko no basuke #kurokonobasuke #seijūrō akashi #knb akashi #akashi seijuurou #seijuro akashi #akashi headcanons #akashi hcs

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mohgreal · 24 days ago

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Mr Greal I need to rant about a SOTE thing I was thinking about last night. Fucking. Why not make it so that Mohg and Miquella were collaborating and both had a genuine, shared view of how to change the world? They both want the best for the disenfranchised races of the Lands Between, right? Miquella has the metamorphosing Albinaurics in the Haligtree, Mohg has his little red Mohglets, stuff like that.

Wouldn’t it be interesting if Blood For The Blood God Big Boy Mohg was who Miquella deemed the most kind or worthy or whatever of the demigods? Raaaaagh I’m just so mad how SOTE bulldozed over these two characters and sapped out anything interesting about them.

cw: me being annoying, (long) sote ranting because this fandom hates me for hating but that never stopped me, if you take this seriously its on you sorry . for some reason i get people feel offended by me openly expressing how i feel about some dlc so im still putting this here You Were Warned ....mr greal will add his personal comments .....

tumblr keeps fucking up my keep readinf STOP im sorry

this is my biggest gripe with sote is how boring they made the existing lore. not even 'bad', just very very boring. it's like i got the most boring reddit fanfiction as canon, which sucks because all the new stuff IS interesting. expect now i don't even care because they sucked the interest i had for the lore by doing so. they could've made radahn more interesting by giving him more lore that isn't just "i love war, golden order, and horsey!". they could've gave mohg more lore and depth. they could've made miquella more interesting and a genuinely new and fresh character with hope for once in a game where it's all bleak and misery.

but they didn't. why.

i don't get it and i never will. im convinced they had a different, or possibly worse — multiple teams work on sote because the way the entire dlc is structured, especially the lore and missing elements (no cutscenes for main bosses or black and white art desc) — really screams too many chefs working on one game (dlc). nightreign existing proves my prior theory ive had since sote came out day one

miquella is, to me, the most boring possible route they could've gone. if you believed the charming theory then it was also predictable for like two years so it's not even as shellshocking as the narrative makes it, because the game expects you (in the sense that based off the existing lore you would have the idea that miquella is morally gray) to know this. the issue is that the only real lore really pointing toward miquella being a charm guy is the bewitching branch. two sentences. you're supposed to get that miquella was Bad All Along because of [one] item description. why micheal zaki???? and yes you could say the other item descs hinted at it, but that's all it is, hinting. its vague and you could easily understand it as miquella being the true goodie people in game think he is.

as for the extreme devotion, i don't see how it's supposed to be seen as bad if you didn't know miquella was a charmer when it makes sense for the lands between to cling to the only piece of hope there is. like i would be worshipping him too when he's supposedly the only real kind demigod trying to make a change??? is this just micheal zaki and georgey marty's way of telling us life is miserable and dont trust incestous blondes? ive seen people defend this by saying its a design choice so the player can feel like miquella is good, then get betrayed like his followers so you can feel it too. but this doesn't work because you would have to be attached or at least like miquella which is basically impossible (unless you were a tumblr miquella stan feeding off dust and scraps) since you haven't meet him?? how can i be betrayed by someone whom i haven't even met? miquella is just childish griffith (im sorry to say that name) marika-ranni morally gray "you tried" badge lumped into one and i really miss how interesting he was before his own dlc. not to mention he only shows up piggybacking on his now boyfriend-brother for like one minute; and that's all he gets in his own dlc . if he was at least his own boss instead of lothric-lorian copy pasted but worse i wouldn't be nearly as disappointed

radahn is still boring to me, which he was before as well, his personlity is basically just the modern irl gymbro to me, which is to say i can't see him without his gym (in radahn's case, war or the golden order)

and mohg getting used as a body bag is so unneeded and just feels forced. i didn't even feel sad. the mohgreal (mr greal as called in the ask™️) didn't get sad at mohg being basically used even beyond death. because it didn't need to happen. you could say that's what makes it tragic, but to me it's just a cheap way of forcing radahn back. radahn's soul isn't what makes him powerful, his powers and body is. so just use mohg instead, miquella already had him charmed, did he not?? radahn's soul isn't going to make mohg magically radahn — except oh wait it magically makes mohg radahn all of a sudden even though that's not how it works!!! we literally saw ranni do this exact same thing (just with her own soul) yet radahn is a magic exception??? this is a blatant retcon and people who pretend sote doesn't have retcons feel like they're gaslighting me because this is just one of a few examples of contradicting lore sote gives you. even if you could magically give me a pile of reason to fill the plotholes, it still feels sour because i never needed to do this in the base game

TLDR: sote made me not care about elden ring, and im now back to being a horror addict im sorry. everyone is allowed to rant to me im very bored

#sote spoilers #mohgreal asks #cw rant #elden ring #idk

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astonmartinii · 4 months ago

Text

fresh out the slammer [guilty as sin part five] | charles leclerc social media au

pairing: charles leclerc x sainz!reader

no court cases, no ferrari PR jail... i'm sure nothing will happen, right?

MASTERLIST | SERIES MASTERLIST | TIP JAR

liked by charles_leclerc, yourusername and 1,289,405 others

tagged: olliebearman, francocolapinto & pepemarti

f1: THERE IT IS!!! The 2025 grid is set with Ollie Bearman at Haas, Franco Colapinto at Williams and Pepe Marti at Sauber.

view all comments

user317: HOLY SHIT

user318: i hate to celebrate someone losing their job in this economy but FUCK THAT MAN WOO HOO WELCOME TO UNEMPLOYMENT CARLOS SAINZ

olliebearman: can't wait to get started (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

user319: when are you going to recruit pepe and kimi to the leclerc family agenda

pepemarti: y/n has been my celeb crush since i was like 13 (sorry charles) so trust me idc about the spanish guy

olliebearman: he fully doesn't play about y/n, he even tries to read poetry (key word being tries)

pepemarti: you can shame me all you like but i think y/n would appreciate the effort

yourusername: you would be correct !

pepemarti: OMG ٩(^ᗜ^ )و ´-

charles_leclerc: i'll take you in if you promise you're over your crush on y/n, it would be very inappropriate

pepemarti: I AM I SWEAR

user320: i know carlos gotta be sick seeing the spanish youngster freak out more about his sister

yourusername: i fear he has bigger fish to fry right now

user321: @carlossainz55 BOO! did i scare you? i'm a job application

user322: being on the internet as a sainz fan gotta be torture at this point

user323: former delusional carlando fan here! he brought this upon himself lol

maxverstappen1: evil may be conquered but these three and kimi look like prime candidates to join the united front of hating

yourusername: we gotta get them started while they're young

charles_leclerc: i fear we don't have enough room in the house for all these kids

francocolapinto: do we really need the aussie?

oscarpiastri: i was here before you ???

yourusername: we can get bunkbeds?

olliebearman: does leo really need him own room

charles_leclerc: WATCH THAT TONE

kimiantonelli: i'm quite small if that helps

yourusername: looks like we have a new favourite

pepemarti: ????????

user324: see? carlos loses his job and suddenly all is good in f1 again... coincidence? i think not.

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, alexalbon and 1,945,209 others

tagged: charles_leclerc, olliebearman & kimiantonelli

yourusername: and the pieces all fall into place ...

view all comments

user326: this is a level of motherism we have yet to see in f1

user327: and mother in a literal sense these ones take her up to like five grid kids and one dog

maxverstappen1: don't erase her cat godson and goddaughter

yourusername: leo is almost fully cat trained ( ≧ᗜ≦)

albonpets: do not even think of coming for our brand

yourusername: which one am i talking to?

albonpets: HORSEY

yourusername: ... okay then

charles_leclerc: seriously?

yourusername: i'm not going to fight a (my favourite) albon cat charles, i may have the sainz last name but i'm NOT carlos

charles_leclerc: it'll be leclerc before you know it

yourusername: (˶ ˘ ³˘)ˆᵕ ˆ˶)

user328: no because at this point i can fully picture carlos having an argument with a cat

albonpets: we're down to tussle for y/n

user329: i'm dying, carlos lost so bad ALBON PETS ARE SHADING HIM

user330: guys are we ready for monza tho? y/n and charles fully back, the united front of hating back, italy don't play about charles... carlos girl i'd sit this one out it doesn't even matter that you're driving the red car

maxverstappen1: at least it won't be me being booed for once

carlossainz55: i'm not a bitch. if people want to boo me they'll only expose themselves as sheep

oscarpiastri: BAAAA

olliebearman: BAAAA

francocolapinto: BAAAA

kimiantonelli: BAAAA

pepemarti: BAAAA

charles_leclerc: parenthood is so precious

carlossainz55: you think i care that these little runts like you guys? they'll be out the sport faster than your other little pet american

logansargeant: at least i'm pretty

francocolapinto: sorry i can't hear you over my williams seat - you really thought that was gonna be yours huh 🤔

user331: obsessed with how carlos has just resorted to name calling because his only 'ammunition' against y/n is that she always wanted to marry charles and didn't want to work

user332: if that's illegal LOCK ME UP BABY

yourusername: they nearly did 😭

user332: oh yeah my bad g

charles_leclerc

liked by maxverstappen1, oscarpiastri and 4,398,400 others

tagged: yourusername

charles_leclerc: fresh out the slammer

view all comments

user333: LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOO

francocolapinto: VAMOSSSSSS

user334: this was actually insanely poetic, ferrari i'm still angry at you but thank you for this genius strategy

user335: today you are excused, tomorrow we go back to hating

user336: the north remembers

yourusername: never in doubt starboy - i love you, you deserve this so much

charles_leclerc: i love you more, this win is for you after everything we've been through

yourusername: you're too sweet - it's all you baby and the win is all yours, my prize is being. yours

charles_leclerc: so glad we could have all of our REAL family around us today

yourusername: i love you all ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

oscarpiastri: i guess if there's anyone to lose to here, it would be my grid dad

francocolapinto: if you don't want the P2 i'll gladly take it off of your hands

yourusername: okay babies let's calm down and celebrate that we ALL scored points today

olliebearman: thanks mum and dad

pepemarti: did you guys see my F2 podium (๑>◡<๑)?

charles_leclerc: we did!

yourusername: well done pepe :3

pepemarti: hehehehehehheheheheehehehe

maxverstappen1: oh boy got out of ferrari jail and now we're ALL being subjected to the conjugal visits

charles_leclerc: stay outta my business

maxverstappen1: BROTHER 4 MILLION PEOPLE IN YOUR BUSINESS

yourusername: and four million people know my man is off limits

yourusername: @carlossainz55 stop paying instagram models to flirt with my man

charles_leclerc: @carlossainz55 what money are you using for this i had to close my DMs

user337: HE'S PAYING INSTAGRAM MODELS TO TRY AND FLIRT WITH CHARLES THE VERY GUY WHO HAD HIS CHILDHOOD RIVAL DELIVER LOVE LETTERS WHEN HIS PHONE WAS TAKEN ???

oscarpiastri: we never said carlos was smart

f1tea

liked by user339, user340 and 11,943 others

f1tea: the ramifications of the sainz civil war may be a lot worse than previously feared. carlos sainz does not have a seat for the 2025 f1 season and doesn't look like he'll be chosen for a reserve role either with bridges with red bull firmly burnt. however, one of the biggest effects of this 'war' has been on those who still choose to associate with carlos. it's been reported that mclaren have had to turn down a number of sponsors after they asked that it is only run on oscar's car and that lando norris is not seen with the brand. do you think we'll see lando jump ship from carlos or will mclaren become a safehaven for sainz?

view all comments

user341: mclaren? a safe haven for carlos sainz? the same mclaren that houses the first child of y/n and charles? i'd like to see them try

user342: finally the carlando PR spin is dead

user343: they way they both thought that was their ultimate get out of jail free card and now it's like incriminating

user344: isn't this all getting a little petty now? like y/n and charles are together and carlos doesn't have a seat? what's the point of keeping all of this drama going?

user345: tbf this 'drama' was never going away the moment they exposed themselves for trying to use their daughter/sister as bait to further carlos' career

user346: if that wasn't downright criminal then unlawfully suing your daughter/sister for everything she rightfully earnt WAS

user347: yeah just because 55 fans and the sainzs themselves want to bury that loss doesn't mean it's not like one of the first things that come up when. you google carlos - of course sponsors are not gonna want ANYTHING to do with that

user348: poor lando getting caught in the petty crossfire

user349: i mean he was shit slinging at y/n after austria and that girl has levels of voodoo only taylor swift can better

user350: he's also a grown man who has seen this all go down behind the scenes so he's made his bed and has to lie in it

user351: the way the sponsors are just piling up for charles as well karma really is doing a number right now

user352: his charm is so universal that oscar is becoming one of the most marketable drivers as well

user353: no but as someone who was on the ground at monza, it's BAD like people were wearing their sainz merch with the 55 or spanish flag covered up

user354: oh he got them acting like middle aged football fans it's BAD

user355: at least they haven't started burning stuff yet

user356: if he takes out charles i fear it won't take long

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1 and 1,452,097 others

yourusername: my new poetry and letter collection, the alchemy, is out today and you guys already made it a new york times bestseller. my heart is so full! the last couple months made me feel like i would never get to love so thank you for showing me that everything is possible x

view all comments

user357: ma'am i am in love with you

user358: get in line buddy

charles_leclerc: i will run all of you over

maxverstappen1: thank you for the dedication, it was a traumatic time for us all

yourusername: you simply could've not read my private letters to my lover?

maxverstappen1: and where's the fun in that?

yourusername: a pigeon wouldn't have done this to me...

maxverstappen1: yeah well a pigeon also hasn't been your best friend for years and doesn't have a couch and cats to comfort you

yourusername: you make a good point

user359: she's really out here making me believe in love

charles_leclerc: the most talented woman in the world, i'm blessed to be on the receiving end of such words

yourusername: writing is so much easier with a muse like you

charles_leclerc: you're making me blush

user360: sure if my boyfriend was a greek god i'd also write good poetry

charles_leclerc: no you couldn't, not like her

yourusername: (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

lewishamilton: congratulations y/n, what an achievement! however, i do think the real achievement here is getting this grid to read a book

georgerussell63: excuse me?

alexalbon: ... you got me but i wanted the tea ☕️

charles_leclerc: APPRECIATE THE POETRY PEOPLE

alexalbon: funny how the letters were back and forth... but none of yours made it to the book

yourusername: ALEX :(

charles_leclerc: i didn't want my sad ramblings to drag down her shine - i thought you would get that seeing how bad you are at golf compared to lily

lilymunhe: oop.

user361: where are the children

yourusername: eating my cake :(

maxverstappen1: they're actually being really cute and are all sat in a circle reading it (˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

charles_leclerc: gotta make sure they can read none of us finished school

liked by landonorris, carlossainz55 and 2,309,450 others

tagged: maxverstappen1 & carlossainz55

f1: LAST LAP SHUNT! Carlos Sainz takes Max Verstappen out in baku and the two did not mince their words on the radio

view all comments

user363: not to be dramatic but that's lowkey attempted murder

user364: at this point carlos is trying to ACTUALLY recreate that list of crimes meme

user365: let's get his ass in JAIL then

oscarpiastri: if i speak i'm in big trouble

carlossainz55: speak it big man - if you wanna act like a big guy back it up

oscarpiastri: okay you are a narcissistic misogynist who can't bear being told no. you are a talented man but without your name you would be nowhere but you lack the selfawareness to be grateful for where you are which is why you don't have a job. you are reckless and dangerous and the very few friends you have will drop you when you no longer serve a purpose in f1

user366: oh shit babe came out swinging

oscarpiastri: i'm hearing a lot of CRICKETS?

oscarpiastri: exactly - pussy.

user367: thank you franco colapinto for bringing back drivers with zero media training

user368: once again i am asking for proximity chat in f1

user369: the sweet souls on twitter would NOT be able to handle it

yourusername: bro tried to assassinate my best friend but i'm the problem

carlossainz55: stop being so dramatic, if anyone was to purposely hurt someone it would be max - look where he came from

yourusername: first of all FUCK YOU

yourusername: second of all, max is stronger than you ever will be, how dare you try and use his childhood against him when you know he's nothing but a gentle soul

yourusername: thirdly, by this logic the reason i'm such a 'gold-digging back-stabbing whore' is because of YOU GUYS

user370: i am absolutely losing it at the fact that carlos is furiously typing these at the fia HQ

user371: i know his PR officer is TIRED

francocolapinto: sorry our uncle got sniped but we did also get points @olliebearman

olliebearman: JUST TO SAY WE WENT TO SEE MAX AND HE IS OKAY BUT YES THANK YOU FOR THE POINTS

yourusername: guys lets keep the inside thoughts inside

francocolapinto: so you're not proud of us (╹ -╹)?

yourusername: I AM, I AM, WE ARE (charles is on the podium he'll tell you later)

francocolapinto: ( ˶ˆ꒳ˆ˵ )

olliebearman: ( ˶ˆ꒳ˆ˵ )

maxverstappen1

liked by charles_leclerc, oscarpiastri and 1,387,300 others

tagged: yourusername

maxverstappen1: i lived bitch

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user372: they're gonna have to do a little more than that to take down the united front of hating

user373: 50g can't stop the grind for these dudes

maxverstappen1: i would call that man a bitch with my last breath

user374: them celebrating the end of carlos' career by doing a mukbang is killing me

user375: when the funeral food be good as fuck you be forgetting who died

carlossainz55: you guys really are so pathetic

maxverstappen1: i didn't try to pimp out my sister, make her homeless then sue her but that might just me be

maxverstappen1: also the data will prove what we all know btw

carlossainz55: that you're reckless just like your daddy?

maxverstappen1: at least i can admit my dad is an asshole and i distanced myself, your dad is just as much a bitch but you gotta parade him around because no one else can bear being around you

carlossainz55: the only bad thing my dad ever did in his life is help bring the spawn of satan into the world

maxverstappen1: whatever, enjoy your race ban bozo

user376: is max suggesting ... it was on purpose

user377: if it was carlos might just be as dumb as they all say because fool was about to get a podium

yourusername: THEY CAN'T GET RID OF US BITCH

maxverstappen1: you're a sick motherfucker if you're enjoying this sainz disasterclass well i only just got out of the medical centre 🤧🤧🤧

charles_leclerc: no but deadass we're sorry you got taken out

maxverstappen1: someone had to be the mercutio to you people's romeo and juliet

maxverstappen1: PLEASE DO NOT KILL YOURSELVES AFTER I'VE GONE THROUGH ALL THIS SHIT FOR YOU

yourusername: we can't leave you with all these kids

charles_leclerc: yeah that's a lot of kids to inherit

user378: christian horner i hate you but you gotta get on your zoom

oscarpiastri: where's my congratulations 🤨

maxverstappen1: @yourusername @charles_leclerc yeah you can keep your kids

charles_leclerc: we're proud of you oscar (don't beat me again)

yourusername: well done oscar (your verbal takedown was particularly impressive as well)

oscarpiastri: 🤭🤭🤭

fin

note: lol i'm back. i was busy with work and then in hospital. but we all love guilty as sin? will get to tagging soon one sec

#f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 instagram au #f1 x you #f1 social media au #f1 #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc #charles leclerc x female reader #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc fanfic #charles leclerc smau #charles leclerc social media au

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