#i need to dedicate a day to delete a lot of them and make room but its gonna be so much work 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[fenharel]

i have a problem with my pc, so i texted my dad about it. he wanted to know if my drives are full and i send him a screenshot, and he was like "holy shit you got almost 5TB of data on your pc 😲" ................................................................ i think its better for him to not know that 90% of that is due to me recording viddy games over and over for a handful of gifsets ha ha-

[sungstars]

slut me out | njm x fem!reader

i.e you needed to give your situationship the time of his life after seeing his instagram story.

word count: 2.8k (not proof read)

content warning: situationship, open ending, smut lol, oral (m. rec.), fingering (f. rec.), explicit sex, unprotected sex(no!), creampie, lmk if i missed anything thanks!

author's note: two fics in one day! can we believe this LOL. would you guys be surprised if i said that i have a mark one that i'm hoping to finish and it'll be queued up for tomorrow morning/afternoon. i hope you all enjoy this fic and as always, dedicated to my crazy and delusional bffs. likes & reblogs are appreciated as always. requests are open till october 5th! i'm still working on my jay fic, and hoping to have that out by tuesday!!

“you’re fucking crazy,” you said once the phone picked up after the first ring, “you can delete that story, i saw it.”

jaemin let out a hearty laugh, “hmm? but jisungie looks so cute, what if one of my followers wants me to put them on with him?”

you jeer, fingering hovering over the red button on the screen, “you definitely could’ve posted him without making sure your shirt is unbuttoned and they can see the chain that i bought you peeking through. what if they’re crazy like me?”

“don’t worry, nobody has you beat in that department.” jaemin added quickly, “you can come over if you want.”

did you want to? absolutely. you needed to rock his world so hard that it was likely to be rated a category 9.5 earthquake.

“you can come to me,” you quipped back, “and hurry up, i dont have a lot of patience. don’t change either.”

“you’re so demanding,” jaemin whined, a glint of playfulness evident in his voice, “i have to stop at my other hoe’s house first, but i’ll be there.”

“not even funny.” you hung up the phone, rolling your eyes.

focusing back on your room, you jumped up in a panic. you needed to change and also pick up the clothes you had thrown all over the place.

realistically, you didn’t know if jaemin was kidding about seeing somebody else first, but if he wasn’t, you had about twenty minutes including traffic before he got to your place.

you shoved all the loose piece of clothing into whatever drawer or laundry basket they would fit into. doing a once over your room, you were satisfied with what you were able to do.

looking at your floor length mirror, you didn’t care too much about what you had on. a big t-shirt with snoopy playing baseball on the front.

easy access for jaemin, but you should probably change your dingy halloween panties from victoria secret into something cute.

perhaps pink? that seemed on brand for tonight’s theme.

you were digging through your underwear drawer looking for that lacey pink thong you got from the mall a few weeks ago when you heard a knock on your door.

“fuck,” you said, slamming the drawer shut to no avail and rubbing your hands down your hair to smooth out any frizz, “fuck.”

the knocking got louder, causing you to practically trip on air as you ran to grab the door.

“took your sweet time letting me in,” jaemin pouted. leaning against the doorframe when you opened it, “that mad at me?”

rolling your eyes, you pulled him in by his silky pajama shirt and closing the door behind him, “guess she wasn’t that good if you got here within the same hour of calling.”

jaemin smiled, dropping down onto your couch and sliding his shoes off, “i’d say she was pretty damn good if i got done quickly and i’m not here.”

you crossed your arms, scoffing at his comment and began to walk to your bedroom.

“you’re such a dick.”

“i heard that,” he said, jumping off the couch to chase behind you, “i'm just kidding y/n, you know it's just you."

"are you sure? cause you keep making comments about other girls, are you trynna compensate? i don't care if you see other people."

jaemin laughed at you for the nth time this evening, making you want to just slam your bedroom door in his face and lock him out, but unfortunately for you, seeing jaemin in those pink pajamas and gold chain sent you into borderline ovulation.

you grabbed jaemin by the arm, leading him to sit on your bed and standing between his legs.

"it's just you," jaemin reassured, a hand coming up to rub your hip gently, "just like driving you crazy 'cause i know you're really fucking insane."

jaemin got a whiff of your secret cloud perfume as you leaned down and kissed his neck gently.

"i'm going to turn you every way but loose tonight," you whispered into his ear, teeth grazing the shell of his ear, "and i'm gonna show you how insane i am over you."

a shiver went down jaemin's back as you kissed down his neck and to his adam's apple, making sure to suck dark marks into his skin before placing your lips on his.

his arms wrapped your waist, pulling you down into his lap as he deepened the kiss. your hands found their way entangled into his brunette locks, moaning as he slipped his tongue into your mouth.

the two of you fought for dominance over the kiss, though jaemin just wanted to put up a good fight before letting you win.

you then slipped your tongue into his mouth, removing your hands from his hair and moving them down to his shoulders.

you gently pushed him back and onto the mattress, letting your fingers skillfully undo his pajama shirt, enjoying the smooth silk under your fingertips before pulling the shirt open.

jaemin pressed his hips up, hoping to get a small bit of friction on his growing erection and moaning when you rut your own hips down.

pulling away from the kiss, your chest heaved as you did a lookover his body. his plush lips swollen and glossy with spit, dark splots decorating his skin from earlier, his own defined chest moving rapidly as he tried to catch his own breath.

"you look so pretty under me, jaem," you complimented, your fingers dancing across his exposed collarbones and down his gold chain, "a sight only i should be allowed to see."

jaemin exhaled heavily through his nose, "a sight only for you. . please, don't stop. i want you. . i need you so badly, y/n."

how could you deny such a request from a pretty boy completely at your disposal? you weren't a cruel or dumb woman, so of course you'll comply.

you leaned down to attach your lips to his collarbone, biting and sucking gently as you made your way down his chest.

moving the pink fabric away, you let your tongue teasingly flick at his nipple to elicit a whiny moan from his mouth before taking his nipple between your lips.

"fuck y/n," he groaned, "that feels so good."

smirking to yourself, you pull off and stand up. the boy's eyes widened, trying to hold back another whine because why did you pull off? and why are you standing?

"c'mon," jaemin said, voice cracking slightly, "don't be a tease."

"a tease?" you titled your head as he sat up on his elbows, "if you beg, i'll consider."

a bright red hue cascaded over jaemin's face at your request, but he couldn't get any more pathetic than he already looked.

"y/n," he pleaded, "please do something. i am so undeniably hard, and if i don't feel those pretty lips or pretty hands wrapped around my dick that i know you love, i will implode and you'll be out of a bomb dick appointment and home."

a laugh escaped, jaemin really knew what to say to make you give into him. it's why you liked him honestly. he was funny and charming, and did in fact have a great dick that drove you insane. you used to be normal before he stuck his dick in you.

jaemin reached forward, grabbing your hand and placing it over his boner. that action alone could've made you cum in your panties because pathetic jaemin was probably your favorite jaemin.

you instinctively wrapped your fingers around it the best you could while it was restrained in those silky pants, slowly jerking him off and watching a bead of precum stain the fabric.

"see how hard i am?" he asked, breathily, "all for you. all because of you."

stroking your ego was one of the many things jaemin was good at, so you decided to play nicely and give him something to relief this tension you could feel growing in his body.

"take 'em off," you said, releasing his cock from your grip, moving back to give him room, "show me that pretty dick, jaem."

if you weren't standing in front of him, you were sure he would've fell face forward onto your carpet from how fast he was trying to get his pants down and off his hips.

once they were at his thighs, you leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on his lips before sinking down to your knees.

you were face to face with jaemin's cock, the tip an angry shade of red and precum still leaking from his slit.

spit began to pool inside your mouth the longer you looked at it, and you stuck your tongue out to swipe the precum dribbling from his cock.

jaemin moaned out, hands gripping the sheets beneath him, “stop. . put it in your mouth.”

you furrowed your eyebrows and looked up, “don’t make demands.”

the brunette’s jaw ticked, one hand coming up to your hair and the other grabbing the base of his dick.

he pushed your head back roughly, tapping the head of his cock on your lips and smearing more precum across, “don’t be a fucking tease.”

your eyes widened in surprise at the switch in jaemin's demeanor, but instead of giving him a hard time, you complied by opening your mouth for him.

without hesitation, jaemin shoved his cock into your mouth until it hit the back of your throat which caused you to gag and tears well up in your eyes.

"don't get sensitive now," he mumbled, swiping the tears from your face, "now be good and suck. show me why you're my favorite."

his favorite? you should been his fuckin' only like he said you were earlier. what is up with the inconsistency? he's gonna piss you off.

you used your tongue to lick the under part of his cock, pulling off to leave just the tip in your mouth.

jaemin's grip on your hair tightened, trying his best to let you have control, but wanting nothing more than to just fuck your throat until you're sobbing.

you pulled completely off his cock, bringing your hand to jerk him off while you used your tongue to lick a stripe on his balls and gently suck.

the brunette's eyes rolled back, a string of moans and high pitched whines leaving his throat as you continued to toy with his balls.

whenever your hand reached the tip, you would squeeze every so slightly, causing him to fuck into your hand.

jaemin was close, and you could tell by the way he was whimpering and trying to chase your hand.

you looked up at him, smiling to yourself before pulling off his dick completely, basking in his borderline sob at the loss of contact.

"why did you stop?" tears welled up in his eyes, feeling like he would explode, "you're so fuckin' mean."

cooing, you wiped tears away from his eyes like he did earlier, "cause i knew you were close, jaem."

he sniffled, grabbing you and pinning you down onto the bed in one swift motion.

sometimes, you forget how strong he can be, causing you to get even more wet if that was possible. your panties were sticking almost uncomfortably to your cunt, and you were hoping he would do something to relief that soon.

too lost in your own thoughts of pleasure, you didn't even realize jaemin was pulling your t-shirt up until the cool air hit your nipples.

he used his lithe digits to roll your perked nipples around, causing you to squeal at the contact.

"love the panties," jaemin teased, using one of his hands to snap the waistband against your skin, "so cute and so soaked. god, you really get off from anything as long as it's me, huh?"

"you fuckin' wish," you tried to bite, but it came out as a whimper when he pressed his hand against your core, allowing for some friction of pleasure.

"shhh," he said, "can't even muster an ounce of niceness when i'm about to fuck you?"

jaemin flicked your nipples, smirking at your almost pained moan before moving down to take your underwear off, eyes watching how they were sticking to your sopping cunt, "so wet for me, hm?"

you nodded your head in compliance this time, "all for you."

he swiped a finger up your slit, bringing it to his mouth and licking it clean, "taste so sweet, but act so so mean towards nana, wonder why that is?"

you huffed, hooking a heel behind his thigh and pulling him close so his cock would make some contact with your cunt, a noise escaping your throat when the tip came into rough contact with your clit.

"that needy? what was it you said earlier? beg. beg for it, dumb whore."

degrading was something you and jaemin never tried, but with how effortlessly it slipped out of his mouth, you wish he would've done it sooner.

"jaem," you grinded against his cock, "please fuck me, y'know you want to. please, i need it so badly."

jaemin just looked at you unimpressed, dragging his cock up and down your cunt, looking at how you falter when his tip catches your sensitive bundle of nerves, "beg more."

you wanted to burst into tears, he knows how much you want him, he can feel how wet you are and probably at more slickness slipping out as he teased you, "nana, please put it in. i'll stop being mean, promise. i need your cock--i need you. please fuck me."

his left hand came up to smooth your hair out, smiling all his pearls at you as he slowly pushed the fat tip of his cock into you, finally.

jaemin slowly pushed himself into your cunt, moaning at how easily you took his cock, letting his hand fall from your hair and place pressure on your clit.

"it's like you were made for me, fuck" he gritted his teeth, thrusting shallowly into you, "taking me so well every time, your cunt just fuckin' sucks me in.. ha."

all you could do was moan in response, eyes rolling back when jaemin's gold chain smacked you in the nose, "fuck, too good."

jaemin rubbed your clit roughly as he picked his pace up, hips snapping against yours as your arousal ran down your thighs and his balls, creating a wet sound between the two of you.

you clenched around jaemin's cock, letting out high pitched noises of pleasure as he fucked you harshly, the knot in your stomach tightening and traveling down your pelvis.

"fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck" you cried, placing your hand on his lower abdomen and trying to push him away, but he quickly snatched it and held it above your head, "jaem, fuck, please, it's too much."

jaemin ignored your pleas, "y'know you can take it, stop trying to run from it."

when jaemin snapped his hips harshly once more, you felt that knot in your stomach break and ecstasy overtake your senses.

you couldn't even muster the feeling of embarassment from how good you felt when liquid practically sprayed your thighs and jaemin's abdomen.

the boy tapped the head of his cock on your clit, groaning loudly as you continued to squirt before roughly showing himself back into you.

"jaemin," you squealed, back arching up, "i can't! i can't."

"you can," he said, fucking you harshly, feeling himself getting closer and closer, "and you will take this dick. you wanna whine about other people havin' it so bad, take it, slut."

with jaemin fucking you so soon after an intense orgasm, all you could do was sob and mumble his name. it wasn't going to take you long to cum again, and jaemin could tell about how you were clenching on his dick.

your fingers dug into his shoulders, creating red crescents as his chain smacked you over and over again, his orgasm approaching any second.

"i'm so close, angel." he whined, his thrusts starting to stutter and slow down, "fuck, can i come inside please?"

"o-of course," you nodded your head, your own orgasm approaching once more, "please cum in me."

one more snap of jaemin's hips and he let out a loud moan, stilling himself as white hot ropes of his cum began to fill you and create a creamy ring around his cock, "fuck, you were too good."

he began to thrust slowly to ride out your orgasms, kissing your forehead and whispering sweet praises into your ear.

once you pushed his chest away to let him know he was overstimulating you, he pulled out completely and laid next to you, chest heaving rapidly.

"y/n." he turned on his side, "i really do like you."

you smiled, grabbing his hand and intertwining your fingers, "i really like you too jaemin."

he pressed a gentle kiss to your cheek and pulled you closer to him, "it's always been just you."

end!

[rigormortissettingin]

how to get perfect grades from a short attention span girlie that nobody asked for

when you get home from school, rewrite all your notes from all the important classes that day (if you’re a british slag like me then just do all your gcse subjects)

learn how to do deep work: work for a really long period of time with barely any breaks where you don’t get distracted and get shit done — having noice cancelling headphones whilst listening to white noise etc works best for me

don’t let anything distract you, put your phone away in another room, etc

if you can’t concentrate, before your revision sesh, stare at a still object for 1 min to help with your focus

have a schedule/a weekly routine!!! i know you’re lazy and have been avoiding making one so here’s my routine: on school days I rewrite all my notes from the classes (that you care about) that day and do some homework then leave the rest for the weekends

mindset is EVERYTHING. be positive about everything in your life and stop being a pessimistic bitch. everything will be okay. jeez.

for music, find a few white noise/focus music playlists and listen to them with noise cancelling headphones for most intense focus (linking my fav spotify playlists below)

write everything out by hand. don’t be lazy you dumb fucker and type everything up on quizlet. quizlet is bullshit and you know it. it’s been scientifically proven that writing things out help you remember them better

go over things early in the morning and late at night (quickly proven to stick in your brain more)

find what works best for you. find your perfect environment, music, time of day to revise, method etc. i work best in my room after 4 pm by using flash cards I have written out by hand

don’t let food distract you!!! if you have snacks nearby but you’re eating them instead of working then put them away

have an app for revision. study bunny if my favourite one it’s so cute but it doesn’t distract me

holidays are a blessing. dedicate some time every day in the holidays for revision, even if it’s not a lot

have a good balance between school and other hobbies. i would say have a good social life but i honestly don’t think having one is that important. or at least it’s not important to me, but if you want a good social life then go for it

have goals for the future, like if you want to go to uni and where you want to go if you do, what field you want to specialise in, etc and work towards them

if you want to exceed in school then you have to make revision and academic excellence your coping mechanism or a safe haven to calm you down

reading books, especially literature helps so much with everything. not just your vocabulary but it also helps your understanding of the world and helps you see everything in a different light. and don’t give me that “but i do read” bullshit because tiktok smut twisted love twisted hate icebreaker all that crap that you’re not even old enough to read don’t count. my fav books if you need any recs: the virgin suicides (not literature, just well-written), the secret history (not literature, just well-written), girl, interrupted (again, well written but not literature), crime and punishment, carmilla, dracula, alice in wonderland, emma, pride and prejudice, sense and sensibility, much ado about nothing, a midsummer nights dream, rebecca, the outsiders, little, women and loads more

delete social media if it worsens your mental health or your grades. deleting tiktok has been the best decision of my entire life, i was so unhappy for so long because endlessly scrolling was a coping mechanism but now im actually happy for once in my life and my grades are quite good

pray like you didn’t revise and revise like you didn’t pray

i have to have a number 20 because odd numbers besides 13 and 7 annoy me

thank you

[thatdeadaquarius]

Reader that can emit sounds from their memory(like as an aura)

Walk into a room? Why do I hear boss music

Comedic timing? Fuck yeah.

Bored? Jumpscare noise.

Zhongli talking? Jeopardy theme.

Someone is annoying? Earrape.

Think about it!

Hello! I’m the 12th Harbinger, aka as CHIL- bitch shut the fuck up, WHATS UP ITS YA BOY AQUARIUSSS- /ref

lmao imagine you walking into a room like this in teyvat, with like that audio I SAVE BY GIVING IT CPR- TIGHT AS VIRGIN BOY DONT GET NERVOUS-

(also ill stop apologizing for the late replies to these, bc as we all know by now that im slow and u will get answered eventually i promise tumblr most likely didnt delete u guys asks im just hoarding them LMAO)

I’ve been super busy running in circles so sorry about ghosting! I still very much enjoy and love u guys and love seeing you guys enjoy my stuff :’) 

Still cant believe that, but thank you!

JEOPARDY THEME MUSIC WHEN ZHONGLI TALKS

HE’D BE SO CONFUSED

THINKIN HE GOT AN ANCIENT CURSE HE DOESNT KNOW ABT PUT ON HIM OR SMTH BC HE’S ALWAYS BEING STALKED BY THIS SONG-

(tbh unless the person is super observant I dont think most ppl would get that it’s YOU causing this chaos lmao)

◇

Like I can see Zhongli eventually getting it lol, other ppl I could see after the first few weeks of interacting with you (esp bc you mix it up, honestly it was only bc u kept playing the jeopardy theme over and over when Zhongli ranted on too long that he got it was you 💀):

Heizou (he’s the best detective on all of Inazuma’s islands, ofc he got it! no he will not acknowledge that he totally thought you were hiding a very musical tanuki somewhere on your person at all times lol)

◇

Alhaitham and Cyno (haitham took like, two hours of walking around town with you and knew, bc he’s a little know-it-all lazy bastard like that, and Cyno is actually just really aware, despite what most ppl think, he’s the General Mahamatra and not just a regular Mahamatra for a reason after all)

◇

Tighnari (i stg he can like, smell when bullshittery is happening in his vicinity …or... hear?)

◇

Venti (unsurpringly, he’s totally in love with this power of yours, i mean he definitely loves you cares about you a lot he says, but you’re starting to think he’s just lying to butter you up into pranking Diluc, Barbara, Jean, and really the entirety of Mondstadt more often  including Zhongli just so he can laugh until he’s on the ground again, also he definitely once asked you to make a dragon sound that’s the equivalent of shouting FUCK at Dvalin when he was flying overhead one day)

◇

Hmm

Hm hm hmmmm

Who elseee, i need a characcctterrr lisstttt…

Albedo (duh, he’s albedo, you think he has an entirely too thick folder dedicated to your recent obsessions, you rant a lot about it while playing and also he can access your browsing history 👀, and he somehow doesn't know that about you?? You’re like, literally one of his long-term, there-for-life, has-bought-a-house-for-free-in-his-head-you- arent-even-on-rent-anymore, hyperfixations or special interests. Autistic!Albedo is autistic, Because I Am Your God, And I Say It Is So.)

◇

Dehya (always knows when its you walking around near her bc you like to listen to your old world’s songs too often when you arent pranking bitches, she actually rlly likes it and your music tastes…)

☆

HOLY FUCK SPEED RUN BC GOD THERE’S TOO MANY BITCHES WANNA BE YOUR BABY, RIDING AROUND IN A DAMN MERCEDES-

OKAY-

SO not all in the same way or at the same time, or even the same length of time did they realize you literally change background music or some shit so I’ll let you just- you know okay- like you get it- you get it.

Xiao, Kazuha, Kaeya, Diluc, Ayato, Yae Miko, Keqing, Qiqi, Klee, Sara, Kuki, Nahida, Ningguang, Rosaria, Scaramouche/Babygirl, Dainsleif, Kokomi, Xinyan, Yun Jin, Yelan. 

Jfc got the whole damn pride flag up here

Anyway everybody else outta luck, at least takes em a month or longer to get it lol

♡

Sorry abt the end there i didnt feel like writing out all those bitches bc the few I did before were already longer than I thought they’d be…

Also, I am posting these spam of drafts (and that old follower 100+ event possession headcanons in prep for the next 2 weeks bc I will be really busy, again :/

Got spring break shenanigans this week, then I’ll be running around like a cat with zoomies bc im getting ready to install/actually submit my artworks for the gallery exhibition! 

…wish me luck or prayers or anything good from any god you believe in, I need the strength. 

With love, safe travels,

💀♒️

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist

[zenoiredottore]

Hoyofam at home – brainrot headcannons

ZZZ

a baby

is currently being potty trained

Likes to help with the more pleasant chores

Starting to grow silver/gray hair like wise

Hogs the big screen tv and forces everyone to watch starlight knight with them.

T O Y  G U N S

NOT an ipad kid,, more of a tv kid since they like watching movies sm

The coolest kid's room you will ever see. there are a lot of toys and plushies

Diaper only type kid at home

L O U D

Has a robot nanny that’s just kinda there cuz SR thought it’d be cool

an entire crew dedicated to clean up after him

Spends a lot of time with their siblings, often getting to play with new products

Makes a huge mess when eating

Has its own art studio, fridge-worthy pieces of art  

DO NOT let into your room if you have action figures/plushies.

Very fascinated by computer stuff.

When they grow up they’re going to be the designated tech guy of the fam.

Themis:

Prettiest room

The largest closet and bathroom

Has both a work desk and a vanity.

Has those curtain thingys on her bed [princess bed]

Very colorful but it’s mostly pink and white

Has a couple of shrubs

Make up and skincare galore

Likes baking and the kitchen always smells good

Softest bed ever

Has a seating area by her window, like sofia the first’s

Likes to go shopping with Hi3

Reuses luxury packaging like reusable plastic bags.

Often uses said packaging as trash bags

Sleeps like aurora [perfect hair, perfume, back flat on the bed]

Likes to put food and cleaning products into their own cute containers [she’s just that girl]

Hi3:

Room’s a bit messy

Wears glasses at home [like the thick framed red ones]

Grandma fit [Bestidas with the fuzzy slippers]

Eats ALLAT

The gym is her sanctuary  

Can lift the most weights out of everyone

Zero percent brain cells when at home

She works out in her bestidas lolol

“Don’t talk to me before I have my coffee:p” Ahhss…

I like to think that she’s supposed to be retired but she keeps getting called to the office

Spends her days relaxing [cuz god knows kiana needs rest and so does hi3]

Has motivational quotes framed and hung in the hallways, themis always takes them down.

Second biggest closet

Spends a lot of time at her workshop designing mech suits as she pleases without the company filling down her creativity

Takes zzz to go visit the others at work

Long list of things she wants to do during retirement

Def doing a lot of “childish” activities [like lazer tag, bouncy castle, go karts, ball pits] because she felt like she lost a huge chunk of her childhood working. And when she got a bit of free time to have more fun she had to take care of genshin and themis.

Hangs out at the pool almost every day.

At home spa

Has this soap opera that she watches at 3 pm every day and ZZZ joins her.

HSR:

GAMER room

Has all the games you can think of [arcade, pc, playstation, mobile, you get it]

Mixes gamer food together…

Regularly makes battery acid

Doritos every where

His bed is levitated and under his bed is like a treasure trove of game stuff [merch,tapes,disks]

Doesn’t let housekeeping in, scared that something might break or get deleted.

Room STANK and STICKY

his closet includes multiple copies of the same thing, aside from meme shirts that he occasionally buys online somewhere.

Spends a lot of the money he earns on online games

Wears graphic themed video game underwear

Has a claw machine in his room that he can’t get prizes off of.

Games all night and complains about how he’s too tired to go to work

His shower is DRY

I like to think that even if he doesn’t shower often, he’ll still brush his teeth

Naps immediately when he gets home and repeats the entire thing, learning absolutely nothing.

Actually enjoys his job but there’s only so much energy drinks in the world for him

Likes designing new characters and kits

Absolutely loves his fanbase

Genshin:

Often gets to work earlier than everyone else

But if he feels like going with his siblings he’ll impatiently wait for them and yell n stuff

Doesn’t drink coffee believe it or not [only monsters can go to work at 5 am without having any caffeine and I think this fits him very much

Sometimes goes out for dinner alone when he’s planning on working extra time at the office

The best cook out of all the siblings. [things that genshin just does the best]

Doesn’t cook often but if someone asks him to make something he’ll get it right on his first try 80% of the time

Has a pet horse

Almost never at home

Business trips abroad often

Seeing him in regular casual clothes is like seeing a unicorn.

Probably has a skin condition where if he’s touching cheap fabric he’ll have skin rashes

Handles and prepares live sea creatures for dinner way too casually.

Once killed a live chicken that was running around the house by throwing a skewer through its head

Doesn’t like cleaning and will have the help pick up after him… he’s just snobby like that

No social life outside of work and business related matters

ZERO friends

Ig PJR is kind of a friend but they’re more so rivals

Every day is bring ZZZ to work day.

Sends ZZZ back home whenever they start getting sleepy

Works at the hoyoverse building, same with Themis and SR and whenever he finishes early he’d go hangout with them a bit

Doesn’t work out but does a lot of outdoor activities

Wishes he has more of an outdoorsy job

Regular movie nights and family vacations together

Always spend time with each other on weekends, all of them. Hi3 says that there will be zero working on weekends. But even when he’s not working he’s still wearing suits. [Genshin breaks this rule a lot]

Closet filled with suits!!!

Owns way too many watches that he never uses to tell the time

Fancy tie clip collection

The shoes are DAPPER

His perfume collection makes me jealous

God I hate this jerk sm

Never uses his phone to look at social media [he never listens to his fan’s opinions…]

[mental-health-advice]

Submission about worsening mental health, schooling, medication and living for another

Idk most of my mental health conditions and its getting bad

I know I've PTSD, Depression, Social Anxiety and an unspecified dissociative disorder. But there is more. Idek how to deal with it - my entire system refuses to go to a mental health hospital as none are in our town and we refuse to drop out of school -

We currently have an episode where every tiny inconvenience makes us want to delete our accounts everywhere, lock ourselves in our room and not come out. Pretend we never even existed to begin with. Every tiny things makes us wish we weren't here - not dead but just, nonexistent .

The only person that gets us to think happy thoughts is our partner system and maybe one close friend. We only want to stay on earth for our PS, they're our world and we so so look forward to living together and getting married one day, we love them so incredibly much.

I'm supposed to catch up on school but I feel like I'm too worthless, I'm supposed to take medication but I feel like I don't deserve it. I want to just lay in bed and rot away forever -(☆•)

Follow up ☆•

Like, nothing except my partner matters, nobody except them & maybe 1 friend matters.

We always put others first, we always when feeling shit are even more dedicated to our lived ones. It's a coping mechanism to just not think of our issues, make sure the one we love is happy, dedicate our entire existence to them & them only because making them happy and seeing them happy and knowing they feel loved by us makes us happy.

I don't need anyone else, I just need to be the best possible partner I can be.

Idk what causes this, we have symptoms of bpd so maybe there just our FP? Or if were autistic our PS is just our SpIn?

Idk what to do, we wanted them and them only. All ours.

Hey there,

It sounds as though a lot of things are happening for you right now. I’m so sorry that all of you are feeling so low and like that when even the smallest of things happens and you feel you have inconvenienced others, this causes you to want to delete all your accounts everywhere. This does make sense in that you don’t want to feel as though you are inconveniencing others and when you are already feeling so low, you feel as  though it you didn’t exist then things for others would be so much easier and they would be better off.

It's great that you have someone to live for but it makes me wonder if your partner system is enough when you are struggling so much already! You mentioned that you didn’t want to go to a mental hospital as there are none in your town, but is there a possibility you could see a counsellor or therapist that doesn’t work in a hospital? So therefore you will be able to receive the help and support you are needing but not in a place that will stress you or make you feel really anxious? Just an idea!

In regards to your schooling, try to do just a little bit at a time. You don’t have to catch up on school work all at once, ask if you can get an extension on things to help lesson your load and make things easier for you, less stressful.

I know how hard it can be at times to take medications, but please do try. You are on medication for a reason, but if you are finding it really hard to take them then perhaps make an appointment with your prescribing doctor and let them know of your difficulties. Maybe a change in dosage or medication change may be needed as well, it consequently may help you to see things a bit more clearer. But of course, this is a discussion to be had with your prescribing doctor!

Although it can be so much easier to ignore our own stuff and just focus on other people in our life and helping them when they are in need, it’s also important that you focus on yourself somewhat as well as if you cannot work on your own issues/ mental health then things will only unfortunately worsen. Again, I would gently encourage you to see your prescribing doctor and talk to them about your current medications and dosages, as you have no idea how much a slight change can really help! Talking to and seeing a counsellor or a therapist may also be beneficial for you guys as I already mentioned above.

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you guys in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that otherwise you are all going well!

Take care,

Lauren

[raysofcrosby]

FOREVER TO GO – t. jost

warning(s): pregnancy, gender disappointment, medical talk, hospitals and some slightly maternal trauma (just in talk about clementine's mother). if i missed something, please don't hesitate to let me know!!

word count: 31,868

an: ahh it took me awhile, but i finally got around to writing a part two to my tyson fic i wrote last year for the 2k21 fic exchange for @antoineroussel ! i loved this story so much and i had people asking if there was ever a chance for a part two that dwelled further into tyson and clem's life together and well, here it is!! i also made some instagram edits for some events that happen in their lives, but aren't mention in this fic, and you can find them linked below.

part one | bonus insta edits | bonus insta edits pt 2 | deleted scene [from part one]

She knelt on the throw carpet in their new living room, the big plastic red and green storage box in front of her, reaching in and unwrapping ornaments from the different colored pieces of tissue paper before placing them down softly onto the carpet beside her. There were a lot of things she could probably be doing on a Saturday night, but there she was a bowl of popcorn to her left, the ornament box in front of her, unwrapped ornaments to her right and just behind her lying comfortably on the couch, was their two-year-old adopted chocolate lab they’d gotten after she’d graduated with her masters degree– of course, named Fudge.

When Clementine thought back on how life was just two years earlier, sometimes it shocked her just how quickly things have changed in that time. The September after the Avalanches second round exit in the playoffs three months earlier, Tyson was flying with her to London and spent a week with her, helping her get settled into her flat, meeting her flatmates and spending the time before her 12 month program started sightseeing around the city before he flew back home to St. Albert to make sure that her grandparents and his mom had their spare keys to their apartment and that everything that needed to be done before he would travel to Colorado for pre-season, was done.

Her time abroad was an experience that younger Clementine never thought she’d get to experience. On the days they didn’t have class, she and her flatmates and friends from class would just travel all over the UK so that they could wherever they could go, the weekends dedicated to further travel. In that first semester alone they’d traveled all over England, visited Scotland, took trains to Germany, France, the Netherlands and Belgium, as well as a train and a ferry to Ireland. She made sure to take pictures, videos and buy any souvenir that she thought any of her friends and family would like. Surprisingly, the school part was easy, though she still stressed like she normally did despite her marks speaking for themselves. The most stressful part, which was obvious from the beginning, was the moments where she was homesick.

For her grandparents, for her friends, especially for Tyson.

Her time abroad was the farthest and longest she’d ever been away from home or anyone that she knew. The time difference was an adjustment whenever she’d make her calls or facetimes home to her grandparents, but it was even more complicated when the season started and Tyson was traveling– because then it was them having to keep up with multiple time differences. But they still did it. And while it seemed like she was having the time of her life, she really didn’t adjust to being away from everything and everyone, until the All-Star break when Tyson and their families flew to London to surprise her. She knew Tyson was coming, but didn’t know about everyone else and it was just the surprise she needed.

A month later, she was dead asleep when she got a phone call from him. Most of everyone had been acquainted with the time difference, so she couldn’t help but let her mind go to the absolute worst case scenario. And when she saw Tyson’s name through blurred vision, her heart was pounding even harder.

“Tys, what’s wrong? Is everything okay?” She asked, sitting herself up in her bed and bracing herself into the mattress for whatever news he had.

“Yeah, well no…actually…maybe? It just all depends on how you take it,” he sighed, a lot of moving in the background going on. “And you know, you probably would’ve seen it in the morning– well the morning there, and I could’ve just texted you, but I wanted you to be the first one to know before everyone else does and–”

“Tyson what’s going–”

“I got traded to Minnesota,” he replied, this time, silence on the other line. “I’m heading there now.”

“Oh,” she sighed, running her fingers through her hair as she felt her racing heart start to return to a normal rhythm. “Okay, so what does this mean for the future?”

“Well, best case scenario, I spend the rest of this season there and they keep me around next season and hopefully want to sign me again. Worst case scenario, they absolutely hate me, get rid of me next season and I bounce to another team and then become a restricted free agent after that.”

Clementine could hear the stress in his voice, especially since he was dead set on winning a Stanley Cup with the Avalanche and some of his best friends. “Well…I guess it’s a good thing we didn’t buy that house in Colorado, huh?”

Tyson laughed and she smiled, even by the small laugh through the phone she could tell that he was starting to relax a little bit. “Yeah, but now we have to start fresh with the search here…and even then, maybe it’s safer to just start out with an apartment? You know…just in case?”

“Whatever you want to do Tys,” she replied, letting herself lay back down in her bed. “My degrees allow me to get a job basically anywhere. So I’ll follow you wherever your dreams take you.”

“And if we make it to the playoffs, don’t worry, I’ll get a jacket made just for you.” He joked, the movement in the background picking back up. “Even if you’ll be supporting me from a million miles away.”

“Try 3,977,” she laughed, exhaling soon after. “You’ll do great, Tys. Just…go out there and play like you always do. I promise you’ll go far and I’ll be supporting you from all the way over here in my little flat.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

The Wild did make it to the playoffs. They made it into the first round of the Western Conference final, Clem staying up with some of her flatmates to watch the games every time they were on. Unfortunately, the Wild ended up losing the series 4-2 and Tyson’s season had come to an end. Once he wrapped up everything in Minnesota and went home to visit with their families before flying out to visit Clementine for two weeks. It was filled with more traveling and taking pictures that flooded their instagram accounts– making the priceless memories that her abroad program gave them the opportunity to experience.

Before she knew it, her 12 month program was done and while her grandparents couldn’t make the flight this time around because of her grandpa getting a new hip and her grandma and Laura staying behind to help take care of him, Tyson and Kacey were there at her graduation and helping her pack up and then the three of them were flying back home to St. Albert where she stayed behind an extra week to spend more time with her grandparents while Tyson went to Minnesota for pre-season. But by the last two weeks of September she was in Minnesota with him and making their three bedroom apartment feel like home.

For the rest of 2022, she spent her time planning her wedding with the help of Mel and a wedding planner, getting comfortable in Minnesota and befriending the WAGs of Tyson’s teammates and also searching for a job. By November, she was lucky enough to get one so soon post graduation of her Masters. She was a guidance counselor at a local high school and despite settling into the role, she found herself loving every minute of it. She wanted to be the role model for students that her own guidance counselor in secondary school was for her– the one who helped her figure out which scholarships to apply for and encouraged her to apply for schools while she was still in secondary school, aside from Tyson and despite her own self doubt.

And when things started to seem like Minnesota could be a permanent place for them to call home, they took the chance to spend the All-Star break looking at potential homes, though they didn’t quite settle on one and wouldn’t until they were for sure positive that Minnesota would sign him. The Wild made the playoffs again, only this time making it to the conference finals where Tyson faced his old teammates in the Western Conference finals. Clementine enjoyed catching up with their old friends, despite the competitive aspect of it all, but she knew that hockey aside, their friendships were priceless. It was a tough matchup between both teams, Colorado coming off of their Stanley Cup win last year, and at times when the Wild would be scoreless, it felt defeating, even when the series was close. But the Wild never gave up and they pushed it all the way to a game seven before ultimately losing 4-3 in overtime and ultimately ending their season. It was a heartbreaking defeat, one that Clementine hated to witness Tyson go through twice in a row– but she was grateful that she was there for him this time around instead of across an ocean.

And despite their Stanley Cup run ending and the sad feelings coming with that, there were still two things that made the ending more sweet than bitter:

The Wild chose to keep him on, signing him for an additional eight years.

They were getting married in 46 days, less and two months away and they couldn’t have been happier.

And when the time finally came for their friends and family to travel to the Mount Norquay Ski Resort and gather there at the cascade lodge patio with the mountains in the background on July 24th and watch the once childhood friends, turned into sweethearts, exchange their vows and seal them with a dramatic dipped kiss before celebrating the night away and while Clementine was never the girl who planned her entire wedding on a pinterest board growing up– it was still the wedding of her dreams.

It was a simple, and elegant boho themed wedding. Really wanting to highlight the simplicity and the beauty of the natured venue with mainly greenery that decorated the lodge throughout their reception in the smallest of forms. Their pictures were jaw dropping, the photographer that they’d hired grasping even the tiniest of details from her bouquet, their rings, and capturing the varying personalities of their wedding party and their families. The first look they’d had in a quiet out of sight location where she thought she was totally prepared to face seeing Tyson all dressed up in a suit since she’d seen it times before. But the moment he’d turned around and she walked the last few steps towards him and she saw him try not to cry– she was a goner, they both were and it was caught on camera in pictures where the pure love they had for each other radiated from. The pictures where Tyson had convinced Clementine to go up onto the chairlift for some pictures, and despite her never letting go of his hand in fear of somehow falling, she knew that he’d never let it happen in the first place.

She had both of their Grandfathers walk her down the aisle. Their first dance was to none other than that George Strait song he’d always teased her about loving so much– I Cross My Heart– but he was the one to suggest it to her because “besides the obvious, and if you remember…it was the very first slow dance we had as an official couple at Mel and Gabe’s wedding and I believe we also agreed that this was our song.” Tyson danced with his mom, Clementine danced with both of her grandparents, speeches were made by his mom, her grandparents, Mel and Gabe. It was a night that they almost didn’t want to end, but they were okay when it did and the two were having their own sparkler send-off before getting into their rented 1960 Mercedes Benz convertible before driving back to the cabin they’d rented for the night.

The next morning, they were off to the airport and flying off to Bora Bora for a week honeymoon and when they got back, they flew into Minnesota to close on their dream house with the big yards and the wraparound porch, that they’d found based on a recommendation from the Spurgeon’s, who happened to live six houses down from them. Then back to St. Albert to spend time with their families before they went back to Minnesota at the end of August for the preparation of the new school year and pre-season.

A little over two years later from the moment he proposed in the Landeskog’s kitchen after a blow-up fight the night before and five months into post-wedding, newlywed life…things were great. Tyson was just two months into the new season, she into the school year, they were a year into being dog parents…it felt like things were just naturally progressing in their lives and the future that they’d talked about and dreamt about all those late nights were starting to mesh together seamlessly.

Especially with the news that she’d found out this morning.

Once Tyson signed his contract with the Wild, they talked about buying a house and starting a family since there was some guarantee they would be settling down in Minnesota for a handful of years. After they came back from their honeymoon and further discussion, they took the first step on their road of trying for a baby and Clementine got her IUD taken out. They weren’t adamant on immediately getting pregnant, because they were okay with having a baby within the next two years. So it wasn’t like she was tracking her cycle and they’d try when the possibility was high– but they also weren’t trying to not get pregnant either.

So spending every morning of this last week in the teachers lounge bathroom throwing up her breakfast gave her the inkling that maybe there was a reason behind it. Her period had yet to return to a normal regular cycle, so she hadn’t been tracking it like she normally would have, so any missing period in the last few months since she’d gotten her IUD taken out wasn’t really of any concern to her. And Tyson was on a four game road series, so he wasn’t there to notice the still unopened box of tampons beneath the bathroom sink, though it wouldn’t have been odd if he didn’t notice at all.

It was Thursday afternoon when Clementine stopped at a Walgreens on her way home to grab the first pack of pregnancy tests she found and Thursday night post walk and dinner when she took the tests in their bathroom. Fudge who she had left behind at the cushioned bench at the end of their bed where she normally slept, had made her way into the bathroom when Clementine had set all three tests that’d come in the box down onto the counter and waited the painstaking three minutes that two of the tests had required as described in their novel of instructions.

She’d never had to take a pregnancy test before in her life and this wasn’t the time to mess up any result, so she read over the instructions carefully, despite the small writing and the large piece of unfolded paper in her hands that made it stressful to even look at. When she noticed one minute had passed, she looked at the first test– the rapid response– and two pink lines were there in the small oval box, which according to the symbols on the test itself…meant pregnant. But it was just one test, she knew she’d need to wait for the other two just in case this first one was a fluke or she messed up testing it somehow. So she sat down on the toilet lid, scratching behind Fudge’s ears as she waited those last two minutes. When her timer went off, she stood up, the calm chocolate lab standing beside her as she looked down at the final two tests.

Another two pink lines and a digital YES+ written in black block letters.

All three tests were positive which meant more than likely she was pregnant but she still wanted to make an appointment just to be sure. So yesterday, Friday morning, Clementine made an appointment with her OB/GYN a short time after Fudge would be dropped off at the vet since she was due for her yearly wellness exam. So this morning she dropped Fudge off at the vet and then drove to the town center where her OB was officed in and sat down at a Panera, treating herself to a sausage, egg and cheese ciabatta and strawberry banana smoothie for breakfast and then did some shopping, unable to resist lingering amongst the baby aisles until it was time for her to check in for her appointment.

Despite how comfortable Clementine had become around her OB/GYN, she still didn’t like anything having to do with hospitals or doctors, especially if she had to do it alone– but this was also something she knew was fragile, so she couldn’t quite tell anyone just yet…and Tyson was just up north in Winnipeg, set to arrive for warm-ups for their game tonight in a few hours. So it was just her sitting in the room dressed in a gown and waiting for either her OB/GYN or an ultrasound tech to come and perform the ultrasound she was told she needed because– “you, Clementine Jost, are most definitely pregnant.”

She felt guilty getting that first ultrasound done without Tyson there, and Dr. Johnson knew it. Maybe it was by Clementine’s nerves or the fact that she kept asking questions throughout the entire time, wondering if it was common for people to come in that first time without their partner. And even when Dr. Johnson confirmed that it was a frequent occurrence, Clementine still felt a little guilty. Tyson didn’t even know she made an appointment to double check. She’d told him she was focusing on getting the Christmas decorations out so that the two of them could spend tomorrow not only picking out their tree, but also decorating their house. Which she would still do, but only after her appointment.

It was very clear just how unprepared and how much about this process she didn’t understand. For all she knew based on any and every medical show she’s ever watched, the ultrasound was the wand they used on the individual who was pregnant, stomach and saw the baby that way. So when Dr. Johnson was explaining about how based on a possible timeline, a transvaginal ultrasound would be more likely, she was confused. And by no means was the process itself a vacation, but Dr. Johnson kept her mind off of it enough by asking her about their wedding and honeymoon, the two of them sharing dog stories as well. The conversation took her mind off of the awkward feeling long enough up until Dr. Johnson had gained her attention by turning the screen towards Clementine and pointing at the small white blob on the screen and saying “that’s your baby.”

She got to hear the heartbeat, and Dr. Johnson answered every question Clementine had and explained what her next steps would be should she and Tyson choose to go along with the pregnancy. When she left the doctor’s office, she was leaving with a six week window of scheduling her next ultrasound appointment to where Tyson could be with her, a list of prenatals she could take, multiple pamphlets on pregnancy and the stages throughout and the knowledge of knowing that not only was she just three days away from being nine weeks pregnant, but that their baby had a rough due date of the second week of July.

Meaning that they would have a baby of their own joining their little family for their first wedding anniversary.

Clementine hadn’t received a call from the vet yet when she left the OB/GYN so she decided to do some more shopping for the supplies she’d need to tell Tyson when he got home later that night. She felt out of place, not sure on how to tell him and spent plenty of time googling creative ways to tell him and desperately considering spilling the secret and asking Kacey for advice– but she decided to stay mum and tried her best. She managed to grab everything she needed by the time the vet called and told her that Fudge was ready to be picked up. She went home with Fudge having a clean bill of health, her secret of a new addition and everything she’d need to put together Tyson’s surprise.

It was funny how slow time moved though when you were really looking forward to something. The perfectionist she was for making sure everything was just how she pictured it when putting Tyson’s reveal together, it only took her about 30-minutes to put together. Then she made her and Fudge dinner– putting some leftovers for Tyson in a container in case he was hungry when he got home–took Fudge for her walk, played fetch with her for little bit in the backyard, quickly imagining their baby doing the same thing when he would be a little bit older, and then she came back into the house for the night, taking trips to the garage and figuring she might as well keep up with her cover story of getting the Christmas decorations out for tomorrow while watching Tyson’s game.

But even then when the game was done and she went back to starting to unpack the ornaments for tomorrow so it would save them some time, it felt like the hours, minutes and seconds were just dragging on. And when she heard their alarm beep twice, signaling that a the garage door leading to the house had been opened– since she knew it wasn’t the front door because it was in her view– her heart was racing because she knew that Tyson was home and he was unknowingly moments away from being handed what he would no doubt call the best gift he was going to receive this Christmas.

“Clem?” Tyson called out, the sound of the door closing behind him, followed by two more beeps of the alarm system. “You down here still?”

“In the living room!” She called out, sitting back against her heels as Fudge lifted her head from the couch cushion and looked towards the back as Tyson’s footsteps echoed down the hall. “How was the flight?”

“Not bad, hit a little turbulence right when we left since I guess there’s a storm that’s supposed to pass through Winnipeg,” he sighed, coming into view as he walked towards the stairs and dropped his duffle down before walking back over to the back of the couch and reaching down to scratch Fudge’s back. “Hi my second favorite girl, mom said the vet told her you were perfect, which we already knew didn’t we?” He smiled, Fudge rolling over so he could scratch her belly. “Were you a good girl for mom today?”

It wasn’t odd hearing him call Clementine mom, they’d joked about being dog parents before being real parents, calling the other mom and dad whenever it came to Fudge. But now that she knew she was pregnant, it made her heart flutter a little harder because now they really were going to be mom and dad to someone.

“She was. Even got a little extra playtime in the backyard today after her walk,” Clementine smiled as Tyson walked from around the couch and over to her, stopping just behind her and bending down as he cupped her face and kissed her. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” he replied, kissing her again before walking over to the couch and sitting down on the cushion next to Fudge, who had rolled back over in expectation of more belly rubs and scratches. “So I was thinking tomorrow we could go to the tree farm right when they open? Get the best tree, come back here and set it up and then breakfast before we decorate?”

“That sounds perfect,” Clementine nodded, nervously unwrapping the tissue paper around one of the homemade ornaments they’d made on a date to one of those painting pottery places. “I got you something today.”

“Ooh, so does this mean I get to have the first present under the tree tomorrow?” He smiled, sinking into the seat as he started to rub Fudge’s belly.

“Actually, no,” Clementine replied, standing herself up and walking over to their brick fireplace where she’d rested the wrapped rectangular box up in Christmas paper and placed it on top of the mantle. “You get to open it tonight,” she smiled, turning back around and walking over to him with the present in hand.

He tilted his head to the side as he looked at her. “What? But Christmas is what? 22 days away?”

“23, but who’s counting,” she said, holding the present out for him. “Here, open it.”

He looked at the red wrapping paper, scrunching his face as he contemplated and then shook his head. “I don’t know, it feels wrong to open a gift this early–”

“Tyson, open the present or I’m calling your mom,” she said, stomping her right foot just barely against the part of their laminated floor that wasn’t covered by the throw rug.

“That’s cold,” he said, shaking his head as he grabbed the other side of the present. “I thought we agreed not to pull the mom card unless I was in trouble.”

She crossed her arms and shrugged. “You will be if you don’t open the present.”

Tyson sighed, resting the present in his lap as he sat up and stopped rubbing Fudge’s stomach. “Looks like someone is trying to ruin Christmas, huh Fudge?” He asked, scratching behind her ears before looking back at the present. “We should just call mom grinch for the rest of this month, huh?”

“Tys–”

“I know, I know, ‘just open the gift’,” he replied, rolling his eyes playfully as he started to unwrap the gift box. “If this is also your way of trying to upstage me on Christmas this year, just know it’s not happening. I’m going to win the gift giving, I always give the best gifts.”

“Maybe not this year,” she smiled, keeping her arms crossed nervously as she watched him place the wrapping paper off to the side and look at the red squared stock card she’d cut in half, the first half taped to the top of the box with half of a riddle and the second half inside of the box, resting on top of the white tissue paper that was covering up the contents inside of it. “Come on, read it out loud.”

“Bossy,” he smiled, rolling his eyes as he looked at her writing. “It’s been you, Fudge and me for quite some time. And a house too big for three lonely souls, but that’s going to change in a few short months.” He looked up, his eyebrows furrowed. “I wouldn’t say we’re lonely, we’ve got Fudgie.”

“Tyson, just open the box,” she sighed, shaking her head.

“Unless,” he smiled, looking at Fudge. “We’re getting you a little brother or sister! Twice the puppy love in this house.”

“Tyson!”

“Alright, alright, relax, mom,” he smiled, lifting the lid of the box and revealing  the second part of the stock card that he picked up to read. “For heaven has heard our secret desire. Our family is growing by one heart and two feet…” his voice faded out and she could see his eyes skim across the card again before he lifted up the tissue paper, surprisingly following the instructions she’d written at the bottom of the card– “(lift up the tissue paper for a surprise! <3)”

She uncrossed her arms and brought her hands together, resting them beneath her chin as she watched him pick up the YES+ pregnancy test before putting it back down and then picking up the sonogram she’d gotten from her appointment. He held onto it as his eyes moved to the two articles of clothing she’d put into the gift, a red Minnesota Wild newborn bodysuit she’d bought from Dicks with his number and ‘DADDY’ in white block letters self-ironed on the back and a green Minnesota Wild newborn sleeper.

He looked up at her, his facial expression soft as he quickly glimpsed back down at the sonogram in his hand and then back at her. “You’re pregnant?” He asked softly, eyes expressing pure disbelief.

“Yeah,” she nodded, tears brimming in her eyes as she chewed on her bottom lip in an attempt to stop it from quivering.

“Really?”

“Really,” she sniffled, nodded and then laughed as Tyson put the box of stuff down onto the couch and got up off of the couch, taking two steps before he was able to wrap his arms around her waist and pick her up off of the ground in a hug. “Tyson!”

“I can’t believe it,” he said, looking at her before putting her down, leaning in and kissing her as he cupped her face before pulling back. “When did you find out?”

“Technically Thursday night because that’s when I took the tests,” she replied as he wiped away at her cheeks with the sleeves of his sweatshirt. “But I had an appointment this morning after I dropped Fudge off at the vet and Dr. Johnson confirmed it.”

“How far along are you?” He asked, nodding his head back towards the box where the sonogram was still laying. “That’s not a tiny blob, that’s a slightly big peanut blob.”

“Three days from nine weeks, so almost a week over two months,” she smiled, keeping her arms draped over his shoulders as his hands rested on her hips. “She gave me a rough estimate of a due date sometime in the second week of July.”

He looked down at her stomach, moving his hands from her hips and resting them on her stomach. “You’re gonna get a bump, dude,” he smiled, looking up at her with a gleam in his eyes. “We’re gonna have a baby.”

Clementine nodded, a smile overtaking her face. “We’re having a baby.”

“Holy shit,” he hugged her again, holding her against him as the two embraced in the living room, not pulling apart until Fudge barked at them both, now standing up on the couch with her tail wagging. “Fudge you’re gonna be a big sister, are you excited?”

Fudge barked in reply as Tyson walked over and smothered her in rubs and kisses on the top of her head. “You know,” he said, turning around to look at Clementine. “If you’re almost nine weeks pregnant, that makes sense why Fudge has been so obsessed with you. Don’t animals like, gravitate towards pregnant people?”

“Or she just loves me more,” Clementine smiled, shrugging her shoulders.

“Totally possible,” Tyson replied, walking back towards her and resting his hands on the small of her back. “But she definitely doesn’t love you more than I do.” He pulled her closer to him, resting his forehead against hers as he smiled. “We’re going to be parents.”

“We are,” she nodded, her fingers tracing the nap of his neck. “But you know we can’t tell anyone yet…right? Dr. Johnson told me most people don’t announce until they’re out of the first trimester–“

“When’s that done?”

“Um…I think she said 12 or 13 weeks?”

“Perfect,” he smiled, leaning down and kissing her nose. “We can make the announcement on New Years, shock everyone with the best news they’ll get all year. But you know what this means, right?”

Clementine wrapped her arms around his neck, smiling up at him. “Hm?”

“We’re giving my mom her first grandchild, which means I’m forever solidified as the favorite kid.” He beamed as Clementine just laughed. “Sucks to be Kacey.”

Second Trimester

In the midst of the season, Clementine and Tyson were balancing a lot of things. Work, their home life, preparing what had been previously an empty room to turn into a nursery. In their excitement, they’d spent one of Tyson’s rare days off and took a trip to IKEA to look at potential cribs and other furniture they’d want to put in the nursery. If he could, Tyson would have bought the first of everything that he thought, just because he was so excited. Clementine, surprisingly being the more level headed of the two, suggested they look at multiple options and even search online so they could check the safety levels.

“There’s a lot more that goes into the decoration of the nursery besides just how it looks, Tys.”

“Well, obviously she’s sleeping in our room until she’s six, so it’s not like she’ll be sleeping in there while she’s a baby. We have to soak up all of the cuddle time that we can.”

So they compromised. For cribs, they would search online and check out safety ratings until narrowing their options down to the one they wanted and then Tyson could also buy the bedside bassinet.

Despite being a few days shy the first week of her second trimester and being six weeks away from their 19 week scan where they could potentially find out the gender, Tyson and Clementine both were each adamant on what the gender of their baby was going to be. Clementine was so sure they were having a boy. Maybe it was just all of the small talk between her and Tyson in the early years of dating that had her mind set on their first child being a boy, or maybe it was that her body just knew. Whichever it was, she just had a feeling that they were having a boy and she often referred to her bump as such. Now Tyson on the other hand, was the exact opposite. He, for reasons of his own, was adamant they were having a girl.

“Just imagine, Clem,” he’d say as they laid there in bed, resting his hand on her forming bump. “She’ll learn how to walk in the living room, probably trying to get to Fudge or something. Her first Halloween and Christmas, she’ll look so cute in her costume and opening her presents– but you promise we won’t dress her up in something cliche like a pumpkin? I hope she has your eyes, actually no…I don’t. I’ll never be able to turn her down if she gives me puppy dog eyes like you do.”

She let him go on and on in his talks about hoping that their baby was a girl, just like he let her do the same. But they were still undecided on whether or not they wanted to find out when they got their 19 week scan. Part of her wanted to wait until he was born, just the excitement of it all– but the other part of her wanted to know– wanted to be prepared so they could figure out what they were going to name him from the growing list that just seemed to keep growing.

First though, they had to tell their families.

It was hard to keep the secret as Christmas came and went, the both of them wanting nothing more than to surprise their families with a Christmas surprise of “we’re having a baby” but they managed to keep it a secret until the last day that their families were in town. Tyson had a game tonight, so the plan was for them to tell their families right before he left for the arena. Though he’d almost managed to crack in the hours leading up to it.

“Tyson, why are you still here?” His mom asked, coming in from the kitchen. “You need to leave.”

“Mom, we live right down the road, it’s not that far of a drive,” he sighed, shaking his head as he stood next to Clementine, who was standing in the middle of the living room. “We need to talk to you guys before I head out.”

“What’s this about?” Her Grandfather asked, sitting in Tyson’s recliner. “Are those idiots trading you?”

“Don’t worry, Papa, it’s nothing bad,” Clem laughed, waving him off. “And no, they’re not trading him.”

Once Kacey had come into the living room and sat down next to her mom, Tyson and Clementine shared a look before Tyson walked out of the living room and down the hall to the storage closet. “So now that you guys are here, we just wanted to have one more special moment together before you all flew home tomorrow morning.”

“I’m surprised out of all of those times Kacey snuck presents when we were kids, that she didn’t find these,” Tyson laughed, carrying six boxes that were wrapped in red Christmas paper and walking back into the living room before passing out the boxes to who they belonged to.

“Um, no,” Kacey said, looking at him as he went to hand her her present. “You were the mastermind behind that, you just used me as a pawn because you knew I was cuter so mom wouldn’t get mad at me.”

Tyson held back the box, looking at Clementine. “I changed my mind, she doesn’t get one.”

“Tys,” Clementine sighed, motioning towards Kacey. “Give her the box.”

“Yeah Tys, give me the box,” Kacey said, holding out her hand and grabbing the box from a reluctant Tyson before he walked over and stood next to Clementine.

“So we held onto these just because we wanted to have you guys open them now when things got a little less hectic. We had everything customized for you, because they’re very meaningful gifts because you guys mean so much to us,” Clementine smiled, pausing as she felt herself start to get emotional.

“We just wanted to remind you guys how much we love and appreciate you and wanted to see you open your gifts all together without the rush of Christmas morning,” Tyson added, looking at Clem before nodding at their families. “So go ahead and open them.”

Clementine had her hands interlocked in front of her, resting her chin on top of them as she eagerly watched them start to unwrap their presents. As expected, Kacey was the first one who got her wrapping paper undone, but moved to help their grandparents get theirs undone before returning to her own gift, taking the lid off of her box and peeling back the tissue paper.

“Oh my God!” She shrieked, looking up at them. “Shut up, you’re kidding!”

They both just smiled as one by one their family members each opened their boxes and saw what they’d put inside– each baby announcement tailored to their own interests. Kacey had gotten a t-shirt that said “official member of the cool aunt club”, along with a mug with a bunch of her favorite flowers and larkspur and water lilies– the official flower of july– drawn on with “Auntie Kacey EST. 2023” written in cursive beneath it, and a candle of her favorite scent that Tyson had picked out simply because it said “look at you becoming an aunt and shit” along with a greeting card and a copy of the sonogram they’d gotten.

Inside Tyson’s mom’s box, they had put a light gray onesie with “hi grandma, see you in july” printed in cursive, a grandparents keepsake journal since she had done similar books for Tyson and Kacey both, a comfy retro-inspired great sweatshirt that said “I’m a cool grandma” on it and then a wooden frame with “hello grandma” and “baby jost – july 2023” engraved beneath it, with the sonogram clipped to the side.

Tyson’s grandparents had gotten a similar frame, only theirs read “hello great-grandma & great-grandpa”, a cream colored throw pillow cover that had “parents, grandparents and great grandparents” each with the proper EST date beneath it and red hearts decorated in the corner. Each of them got a t-shirt that read “promoted to great-grandpa/grandma EST 2023” as well as a bottle of their favorite wine with the label that read “To the best great-grandparents, I can’t wait to meet you. Love, your great-grandchild” And along with those, Tyson’s grandpa got a golf ball marker engraved with “new golfing buddy coming soon” on it, while his grandma got a mug that had “mom, grandma and great-grandma” also all with the proper EST dates.

For her grandparents, Clementine had gotten them matching mugs, since they often sat at the coffee together every morning or out on the front porch, sipping their morning coffee side by side. They had said “Just when a grandfather/grandmother thinks his/her work is finished, someone calls him/her Great.” She’d gotten then the same frame as Tyson’s grandparents as well, complete with sonogram. Nana got a cream colored sweatshirt that said “Mom, Grandma, Great-Grandma, I just keep getting better”, while Papa received a navy sweater reading the same but with dad, grandpa and great-grandpa instead. He’d also received a fishing lure with “Papa’s new fishing buddy arriving 7/2023” on it. While Nana got a small set of plastic toddler gardening tools, complete with a tote and a light blue apron that had “Nana’s gardening buddy” engraved across the chest.

For her grandparents, Clementine struggled on just what to give them in terms of title. All of her life she’s referred to them as Nana and Papa, because they were her grandparents after all. But as far as she was concerned, they were ones who raised her– who were practically her mom and dad. Ultimately, she settled on getting them great-grandparent titled gifts, but would make it known to their children that they were basically mom and dad to her and that they too could call them Nana and Papa if that’s what they wanted.

But seeing their excitement as they took in the news and saw the surprise, followed by the amount of hugs and love they received, only made Tyson and Clementine more excited for the impending arrival of their baby. They were going to be surrounded by so many people that loved them and cared for them, that it was beyond her wildest dreams.

Clementine knew deep in her heart that their son would never for a single second or moment ever feel the way that her own biological mother had made her feel as a little girl– that she wasn’t enough for someone to want or was someone who could just so easily be left behind…abandoned. No, she knew that he was going to be very, very loved by everyone in their family. And that was all that she could ever hope and wish for.

It was only a few days later, on New Years Day that Tyson and Clementine sat huddled together on their couch with Fudge sitting on the other side of Clementine, her face resting by her belly, while the two of them looked at their phones. It was early afternoon into the new year, Tyson had gotten home from St. Louis around 10:30 and traveled with his teammates to meet up with their significant others and families at the Spurgeons place, where Danielle was hosting the New Years Eve party.

Up until the guys got there, Clementine had spent a lot of her time dodging questions as to why she wasn’t partaking in sipping on champagne, her main excuse was that she’d had a really bad headache all day and thankfully once the person asking heard that question, they’d back off. Otherwise, it was just mingling with the girls and entertaining the kids as the game played on TV. At one point, the Fleury’s youngest, James, had made his way onto the couch and sat down next to Clementine, eventually crawling his way onto her lap and sitting while they watched the game up until he fell asleep. Véronique had apologized, but Clem told her it was okay. However, that small event spiraled out into the millions of questions being thrown around about whether or not her and Tyson were thinking about starting a family now that they were married and he was signed for eight years, or if they were wanting to wait a little longer.

“Whatever happens, happens,” she said with a smile, shrugging her shoulders carefully not to disturb the sleeping toddler. Part of her enjoyed keeping their small secret that they were already expecting, but the other half found it so hard to keep it from them any longer, seeing as she was becoming very good friends with all of the women.

By the time the guys joined the party, the younger kids were all rounded up in the playroom where they were all napping until midnight, when the party would end and the parents would go home. It wasn’t too long though before the countdown was starting and everyone was huddled in the living room watching the ball drop.

“Do you realize this is our fifth New Years Eve together?” Clementine asked, looking up at Tyson.

“Technically, it’s been way more than that,” Tyson smiled, quickly pressing a kiss to her temple as he saw her roll her eyes. “But yes, I do realize that. New Years Eve 2018 changed everything for us, of course I’d remember.”

“It’s crazy to think five years have already passed,” she smiled, leaning against his chest. “Doesn’t feel like it’s been that long.”

“I know, time’s been flying by.” he whispered, nonchalantly resting his hands beneath the Wild sweatshirt she was wearing and brushing his thumbs against the t-shirt she had beneath it. “And just think how this time next year, we’ll have a little one to bring to the party too.”

The countdown had reached one and everyone around them cheered before they all partook in the classic tradition of sharing a midnight kiss with their significant other. Unlike all those years before, Clem wasn’t the one to initiate the kiss, Tyson was and he had pulled back with a smile on his face to say “Happy new year Clem,” before kissing her again. They’d left the Spurgeon’s house shortly after midnight and traveled the short distance down the way to their own home, greeting Fudge with pets and head kisses before they went to bed for the night.

Clementine had woken up that morning, to the smell of coffee and eggs coming from downstairs. Fudge was sleeping at the end of their bed like she always did, waiting for her to wake up before she’d travel back downstairs with Tyson. After the morning snuggles and pets, Clementine and Fudge made their way downstairs to see Tyson in the kitchen, wrapping up cooking breakfast. He hadn’t even been able to get a word out after she greeted him with a morning kiss before saying “I want to announce it to everyone else, today.”

So there they were, staring at the announcement photos they’d chosen to post to their individual instagram accounts, Tyson unable to say no to the puppy dog eyes and pouty lip Clementine had given him the moment the simple request left her lips. She pleaded her case, explaining how she was too excited to keep it a secret any longer and they were officially in the safe zone to where they were allowed to announce it. But she hadn’t needed to do any pleading at all, because Tyson was on board and had been waiting to do the same exact thing.

“So we post on three, then lock our phones and don’t touch them until bed…right?” He asked, looking away from his phone. “That way we can just be completely unaware of their shock and then read all the comments and laugh about it tonight in bed?”

Clementine laughed, scratching the top of Fudge’s head. “You are aware that we’re probably going to get spammed with texts and calls from our friends…right?”

“Eh, we’ll tell them we’re doing newlywed things,” he shrugged, looking down at her bump. “Though we’ve already done that.”

Clementine shoved him as she shook her head. “You’re so annoying, let’s just post.”

“On three,” he nodded, looking at her phone. “One, two…three.”

They both pressed the share button, watching as their feed loaded and then the posts appeared on their screens. They locked their phones before resting them down on the arm of the couch and Clementine leaned towards Tyson, snuggling down into his side.

“How long do you think it’ll be before we get the first phone call?” She asked, looking ahead at the tv screen as Mamma Mia continued to play on the screen.

“Mmm, maybe half an hour? I’m sure plenty of people are still sleeping off last night’s–”

Tyson’s phone rang first, cutting him off. He looked in disbelief as he grabbed his phone, Clementine’s going off soon after. She laughed and slowly reached over to grab her phone off of the arm of the couch, turning it towards him. “It’s a facetime from Mel.”

“Mine’s JT,” he laughed, taking a deep breath and sighing. “So it begins, huh?”

“I guess so,” she smiled, patting his chest before swiping to answer the facetime call, just as Tyson answered his phone.

It was a long five weeks for both Clemetine and Tyson as they awaited their next ultrasound appointment.

Now that she was 18 weeks pregnant, Clementine was starting to have a tough time falling asleep– a symptom amongst many that she’d read about in the books she’d bought for some kind of guidance on this new, uncharted journey. She could call, text and facetime Nana and Laura if she needed advice or had questions– but sometimes she’d just preferred to be able to sit down at a table with them and talk.

Thankfully though, she found that guidance and conversation easy with some of the WAGs of the team. Those who’d had children or experienced pregnancy before. Sometimes the websites and the books could be so overwhelming that she felt like she wouldn’t be able to retain it or that she wanted to know the experience outside of the books and internet. It was in the bonding moments with some of the WAGs where Clemetine was asked in the family room before one of the Wild’s games about if she and Tyson were going to find out the gender, if they were going to keep it a surprise until the birth or if they were going to throw a party. She told them that both she and Tyson automatically knew that they wouldn’t be able to handle it if they kept themselves in the dark about the gender of their baby until the moment they were born– but that they were trying to figure out if they wanted to do a party or just find out themselves.

It was then that Danielle Spurgeon had offered to help plan and host a gender reveal party for them if that was something they were interested in. Clementine, not wanting to make Danielle feel obligated, initially had turned down the offer, saying that it wasn’t necessary since the Spurgeon’s had four kids of their own, which was already a circus. She brought it by Tyson later that night, asking whether he wanted to find out the gender the day of their scan or have a party and Tyson being Tyson said– “oh we have to have a party! I want us to do one of those cute reveals where I shoot a puck or we open a box and there’s balloons.”

The next game day, Danielle came up to Clementine and asked her when it was a good time for them to get lunch so they could talk about party details and what Tyson and Clementine envisioned. Apparently, Tyson had gone up to Jared at the next practice and they talked about the party and everything and thanked Jared for being so hospitable.

The only thing keeping them from the party, was having the actual anatomy scan done to where they could check on how their baby was developing, as well as have the gender handed off to them in an envelope, and Clementine would give it to Danielle tonight at the game.

“Tyson please stop,” Clementine sighed, lolling her head to the side.

He brought the now nearly empty water bottle away from his mouth, looking at her. “Stop what?”

“You were chugging that water bottle and squeezing it and the empty plastic sound was reminding me of how full my bladder is and how bad I have to pee,” her eyes dwindled down to the water bottle he was holding and back up at him. “If you don’t stop, I will pee my pants and I would rather not do that.”

He looked back and forth between her and the water bottle before bringing the bottle back to his mouth and downing the rest of the water, then walking over to the corner of the room where a trash can was and throwing it away. “There, no more water.”

“So everything that I’m seeing right now looks great,” Dr. Cortez smiled, pointing at the screen. “Your little one here is measuring in at just a little over five and a half inches and they’re weighing in at almost seven ounces, which is right where you want to be at 18 weeks.”

Tyson was holding onto Clementine’s hand, but his eyes were glued to the screen and soaking in everything that her OBGYN was saying. Dr. Johnson was taking personal time away from her job, which Clementine was nervous about, especially since she had the ideal of Dr. Johnson being the one to deliver their baby when the time came. However, Dr. Johnson suggested Dr. Cortez as someone to take her place, insuring that she was also one of the best OBGYN’s on their team. So in the case Dr. Johnson wasn’t back from her personal leave, Dr. Cortez had some background on the pregnancy and Clementine and Tyson both could feel comfortable with her. Aside from calming Clementine’s nerves, this was his first time seeing an ultrasound. Sure, he’s stared at the copy Clementine had surprised him with and he’s googled and watched videos on youtube of ultrasounds…but this one was their baby.

He was getting to see their baby move on screen and their outline for the first time with his own eyes. For their announcement, Clementine had made an appointment when she was 13 weeks to get an updated ultrasound, but he was out of town and couldn’t make it. Between that first one from when she found out she was pregnant, to the 13th week…to even now, he was seeing their baby grow. He could start to easily make out what was its head and maybe its arm– their nose if the angle was right since in the first two they had their head turned.

But he wasn’t over being able to see their baby there on the screen, the ultrasound waves catching the movement and he often found himself looking between the screen and Clem’s belly, unable to wrap his mind around how the baby was moving inside of her…and yet when you stared at her stomach, she was completely still.

“Tyson,” he zoned back in and looked down at Clem who was shaking his hand and looked at him with a concerned look. “You okay?”

“Oh, uh, yeah I’m good,” he nodded, squeezing her hand and smiling. “Just got a little zoned out thinking about our little girl,” he dragged out the girl, smiling and nodding at Doctor Cortez. “Am I right doc? Is it a girl?”

Dr. Cortez laughed, shaking her head. “Nice try there, but I know very well that you two are keeping it a secret for your party.”

Tyson sighed, shaking his head. “It was worth a shot. But what did I miss while I was zoned out?”

“I was just talking all of the boring, science stuff. Everything is in the right place, there were no signs of a cleft lip or palate, their spine looked beautiful, arms, legs and all of their little extremities are forming just great,” Dr. Cortez smiled, typing on the computer before freezing the image of their baby’s side profile and putting the transducer wand back up. “Placenta looks great, your cervix is closed and everything else on your end is going very well, Clementine. You and your baby are very, very healthy.”

“Thanks,” Clementine smiled proudly, looking away from Tyson and at the screen. “I’ve been trying to keep up our walks with Fudge, she keeps me active and for some reason, little GUY,” Clementine joked, putting emphasis on the gender, likes a lot of healthy food…mainly broccoli. I could eat that for every meal.”

“And she has,” Tyson chimed in, sighing dramatically. “I make her an omelet? ‘Mm, I think broccoli would taste great with this!’ Broccoli as a side dish, as a snack, sometimes with butter, all of the time with hot sauce…broccoli…just tons and tons of broccoli.”

“I think we should be grateful for that,” Clementine said as Dr. Cortez wiped off the excess gel from her stomach. “Maybe then getting him to eat his vegetables won’t be as hard seeing as you never ate yours.”

“She’ll do just fine, thank you,” he smiled teasingly, leaning down and giving her a quick kiss. “Right doc?”

Dr. Cortez just laughed and shook her head. “I’ll go grab you guys your copies of the scans and then you’re free to go.”

Once Dr. Cortez left the room, Tyson let go of Clementine's hand and walked around the end of the exam table, coming up beside the screen and sitting down on the free space of the table. He looked at the screen that was still displaying the frozen image of their baby in black and white, and tilted his head to the side.

“What?” Clementine asked, resting her hand on his arm.

“I think they’ve got your nose,” he said, looking at her.

“It’s a 2D image, Tys,” Clementine laughed, sitting herself up and letting her sweatshirt fall back down over her bump. “There’s no way you can tell that.”

“Sure I can, see?” He said, reaching out and carefully tracing along the side profile of their baby’s nose. “They’ve got that same, cute little slope that you do.”

Tyson helped her sit up the rest of the way, shifting down the exam bed so she could turn towards the monitor and let her legs hang off the bed. Clementine leaned closer to the monitor, copying Tyson’s earlier mannerism of tilting his head to the side. “If you really focus and squint a little…oh huh.”

“Mhhm,” Tyson said, following her to try and see what she was talking about. “What? What is it?”

“You can see that they might get your forehead,” she smiled, bumping into him.

Tyson looked at her, the smile off his face as he rolled his eyes. “You’re annoying.”

“No I’m not, you love me.” Clem looped her arm through his and snuggled down into his side before focusing back on the screen. “Really though, I think they might have those adorable chubby cheeks you and Kacey had back when you were kids.”

“Really?” He asked, perking up a bit as he looked at the screen.

Clementine nodded, reaching forward and pointing at the baby’s side profile, outlining their cheek. “Oh yeah, look how they protrude out.” She looked back at Tyson with a smile. “Looks like you’ll have to fight off all of the people who will want to pinch them like they did yours.”

“Oh trust me, I will. “I won’t let our kid endure all the pinched cheeks Kace and I did.”” he nodded, looking at her with a soft smile. “So I was thinking about something.”

“Oh no,” she joked, looking worried. “Should I be concerned?”

Tyson rolled his eyes and shook his head. “No, but remember how we were considering doing one of those super detailed scans?”

“The 4D ultrasound? Mhhm, why?”

“I think we should do it,” he said, shrugging as he looked back at the monitor. “I’m too impatient to wait nine months before we can see what she…they look like. I kinda want to know now.”

Clementine laughed as she moved to get off of the exam table, Tyson helping her out. “We can do it, but I was doing some research and they said the best time would probably be around 24-28 weeks. So, you’d have to wait just a little longer.”

“If I have to,” he faked a dramatic sigh before smiling as he intertwined his fingers with her. “Though I mean come on…look at them. They’ve totally got your nose.”

Now being closer, Clementine and Tyson both examined the monitor up close, taking in all the details of the black and white 2D image of their baby. “Hm, you’re right, they totally do,” she smiled, looking up at him.

“Good, because that just means they’ll be just like their mom,” he smiled, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into his chest, resting his chin on top of her head. “Who I love, very, very much.”

Clementine looked up, resting her chin on his chest. “I love you too.”

The one thing that Clementine was most grateful for when she and Tyson decided to take up Danielle’s offer of hosting a gender reveal party at her and Jared’s home, was that the pivotal 20 weeks, or the halfway mark when they would have it, fell right at the beginning of the All-Star break. The two of them were insistent to his teammates and their friends that they didn’t need to hang around just for the party, knowing that the break during the season was when most took the time to travel. But nonetheless they felt loved when they decided to hang around, and even more so when a few of their friends from Colorado decided to stop by before heading out on their vacations.

It was the mix and the best of their years spent in Colorado and Minnesota, seeing the support from some of their closest friends that made the day so special. It was humorous seeing big, NHL playing men, who were always so competitive on the ice, play baby shower themed games and argue over whether or not their prediction for a gender was right. Tyson had surprised Clementine with her grandparents, despite weeks earlier she assured them it was okay if they didn’t want to fly into Minnesota considering their growing age. So when they had driven to the airport to go pick up his mom, Kacey and grandparents, she was surprised to see both of her Grandparents walking alongside them as well that Tyson panicked the moment she imploded into tears in the middle of the airport.

With the party in full swing it was easy for Clementine and Tyson to get lost in mingling amongst their friends and enjoying the catered snacks and decorations. Clementine had also managed to thank Danielle and Jared more than a handful of times for offering to host the party and Danielle for also planning the majority of it, aside from the parts where Clementine offered things she’d like to see and preferred to have. Between the two of them, Tyson was nervous and Clementine was excited. To her, there was no second guessing what their baby was going to be. She’d known from the very beginning, just felt it in her gut that they were going to have a boy. Tyson didn’t have a preference or even a guess– he was just excited to be there and to finally be able to call her bump by one of the names they’d narrowed down to for either gender.

So when it came time for them to stand in front of all of their friends and family to reveal the gender in true hockey player fashion– shooting a pink or blue powdered filled puck off of a shooting deck provided by Jared– Tyson was the one who was hesitating because of nerves. He took a little extra time in making sure his hands were set up right as if holding a hockey stick wasn’t what he did for a living, or prolonging his ‘thank you for being here’ speech as his thumb picked at the buttend of the stick.

“Josty if you delay this any longer, that kid of yours is going to be sixteen and asking for a car! And they haven’t even been born yet!” Gabe yelled out, earning a smack on the arm from Mel.

Tyson rolled his eyes, pointing the hockey stick at him. “You’re lucky I don’t have you removed.” He replied, before standing by the puck. “You can get off the deck, Clem. I don’t want you to get hit.”

“Thank you, I appreciate that,” Clementine laughed, stepping off of the shooting deck once Tyson kissed her temple and stood just across from him with their friends and family behind her.

She stood there nervously with her back turned to their friends and family as she rested her hands on her bump, something she caught herself doing every day from the moment she’d found out she was pregnant and even more so once her bump started to grow. She stared at Tyson who was dressed in jeans and a pink polo, Clementine having picked out which shirt for him to wear since he insisted on wearing pink because he was on team girl. And he chirped her the entire time while she tried to sort through which blue dress to wear.

“It’s February, Clem. It’s cold outside.”

“It’s the nicest day it’s been all winter. I’ll wear tights and a jacket.”

And she did. Wear the nude tights and a cream colored jacket that matched well with the baby blue criss cross tie backless dress. But she was starting to feel a little cold and was hoping that Tyson would shoot the puck and reveal that they were expecting a boy just so she could go back inside and enjoy a large glass of hot chocolate. And when she saw Tyson start his swing, it was like time had slowed and she could only focus on Tyson and the sound of her heart thumping inside of her chest. Her breath held as he swung forward and when he shot the puck forward, the breath was stuck in her throat and her heart stopped.

“What? What is it?” Tyson asked, turning around to face her as their friends and family all cheered at the reveal. “Clem what is it I can’t tell. This was a bad idea, I should’ve worn those glasses–”

“It’s pink,” Clementine finally spoke, swallowing the knot in her throat as she finally looked away from the pink cloud and over at Tyson, tears filling her eyes. “It’s a girl.”

“It is?” He smiled, the joy clearly taking over as his smile only grew bigger. “I knew it! I told you I knew it!”

He dropped the stick and ran over to her, wrapping his arms around her and picking her up. “Tyson, careful!” She gasped, resting her hands on his shoulders as he spun her around, keeping her in his arms even when he stopped. “Come on, put me down in case you drop me.”

“I wouldn’t dare drop my two girls,” he gasped, placing her down onto the ground and moving his arms up her side until he interlocked his fingers behind her back, digging his thumbs carefully into the more tense than normal area. “So now that we know…what do you think about announcing the name to everyone?”

“Yeah,” she smiled softly, playing with the ends of her jacket.

When his eyes locked onto hers, she held his gaze for a few seconds before looking away, noticing how his eyes were skimming across her face to take in her mood. “You okay?”

Clementine nodded, forcing the smile to stay on her face before letting go of the ends of her jacket and rubbing her arms. “Just a little cold. Maybe we can tell everyone inside?”

“You sure you’re–”

“Tys, I’m fine,” she replied, stepping forward and kissing his cheek. “I’m just a little cold and would like to go inside, please.”

Tyson nodded, moving beside her and keeping one hand on the small of her back. “Okay, go ahead and head inside, I’ll tell everyone we’re moving back in.”

“Thank you,” Clementine smiled, leaning over and kissing him, pulling back just slightly to look at him. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he smiled, bringing his free hand up onto her forming bump before leaning down and kissing it. “And I also love you too, our little girl.”

Once he stood up, Clementine started to make her way off of the Spurgeon’s grass, hearing Tyson following behind her and stopping short to make his announcement. “Okay, we’re not having everyone freeze or catch a cold on our watch, so let’s move everyone back inside where Clem and I have another announcement we’d like to make!”

She wasn’t able to get a moment to herself as everyone was following into the Spurgeon’s home right behind her, flooding into the living room and open kitchen as Tyson and Jared made sure everyone was inside before Jared closed the door. And just before she could excuse herself from another congratulations, Tyson had walked up beside Clementine and rested his hand on the small of her back, leading her to the center of the living room so they were once again in front of everyone.

“Tys, can we maybe do this later?” Clementine whispered, looking up at him as she watched their families settle into their spots to where they were in clear view of them both. “I’m feeling a little thirsty.”

“It’ll only take a quick minute, then I’ll grab you a drink,” he said, squeezing her hip as he looked down at her with a smile. “Promise.”

Clementine sighed, nodding her head again before leaning her head against his shoulder and brushing her hand around his waist. “Okay.”

“Again, Clem and I would like to thank everyone for coming. All of our friends and families, we know travel can be stressful and you guys all could’ve started your vacations a day earlier, but it means a lot. And of course to Jared and Danielle for hosting at their beautiful home. We appreciate every single one of you and are thankful that you guys chose to be here to celebrate our little girl.”

Her heart continued to thud against her chest as she stood there, trying not to look their guests in the eye for longer than a few seconds and trying her best to keep her smile on her face, but it was getting progressively harder the longer that he talked.

“Clem and I have talked names since way before this ever happened, but when it became real we got serious about it, having plenty of options for both boys and girls. And now that we know that we’re going to have a girl…we thought we might share with you all, the name we settled on for our little girl.” Tyson looked down at Clem and squeezed her hip reassuringly as he gave her a smile.

“We went through a lot of names, and trust me…Tys took this very seriously, it was almost a headache sometimes,” she laughed, clearing her throat and thankful that she no longer was having to force the smile on her face as she looked directly at where Tyson’s mom and Nana were sitting. She rested her right hand on her bump as she looked at him. “But we both agreed that if we were going to have a girl, we wanted our daughter to be named after the two women in our lives who influenced us the most growing up.”

“Yes,” Kacey smiled, jokingly pumping her fist as Tyson just waved her off.

Clementine leaned her head more against Tyson’s chest as she looked back in their direction. “So we’ve decided to name her Bailey Frances Jost.” She watched as the look of realization crossed both her Nana’s and Laura’s faces as everyone else focused on the family.

“For those of you who don’t know, my mom’s middle name is Bailey, which is where we got Bailey from. And Frances is Clem’s Nana’s name,” Tyson chimed in, motioning towards the two women. “And it was a very easy thing to agree on naming our daughter after the two of you.”

“Laura, you’ve been like a second mom to me the moment I met you. Marrying your son might have officially made me a part of your family in a legal sense, but you’ve brought me into your family the moment you picked up Tyson from Nana’s after school that first day.” Clementine smiled, looking from Tyson’s mom to her Nana, the tears building in her eyes. “Nana, you’re my mom. You’ve loved me and raised me all these years. The both of you have taught me so many things in life, but the most important thing is that the two of you have shown me just what a strong woman looks like and have molded me into the person that I am today.”

Clementine swallowed the knot in her throat as she tried to ground herself by moving the fabric of her dress with her fingertips. “And Tys and I hope that our daughter will be just as strong as the both of you.”

“Except I hope she doesn’t pull on my ear when she gets mad,” Tyson joked, breaking up the tension filled emotional moment. “That I hope is a habit she doesn’t get from the both of you.”

“But enough of the emotional sappy stuff,” Tyson said, clapping his hands together. “There’s still tons of food and drinks to eat, and plenty of fun to have. So, enjoy everybody!”

Clementine turned towards Tyson, brushing her hand against his back. “Tys–”

But before she could excuse herself to the bathroom for a moment to herself, Tyson kissed her before holding her against him, nodding his head. “I know you said you were thirsty, so let’s go get you something to drink and then you can sit down for a bit to rest your feet and warm up. Does that sound okay?”

From holding her smile from the moment that plastic puck exploded into pink powder, Clementine could feel the sides of her mouth start to twitch, but was still holding strong so she wouldn’t be caught in even the slightest expression of disappointment. “That sounds perfect,” she nodded, leaning into him as the two of them started to walk towards the kitchen.

For a party that’s main event had happened almost twenty minutes earlier, the whole thing was still swinging. None of the guests had left, there was still food and drinks to eat, the kids were running around and having a great time. One part that Clemetine hadn’t expected, was that their gender reveal party, was also secretly doubled as their baby shower– seeing as the timing of a baby shower when it’s normally done would have been in June, and it was up in the air whether or not the Wild would be in postseason.

So when she was once again, thanking people for all of the congratulations and making small talk, still trying to slip away for a moment for herself, Danielle had come up to her and told her how the rest of the WAGs decided to throw her a baby shower as well, that the presents everyone had bought had been ushered off by Jared and Tyson into a separate room– and it was time for her and Tyson both to sit down and open the gifts.

It was easy to excuse herself from Danielle, just by saying “of course, just let me go to the bathroom really quick and I’ll be right there,” was she able to get away from the party and go down the hall to one of the Spurgeon’s bathroom, closing the door. And once she was all alone with nobody around, she could finally stop holding back the true emotions she was feeling.

Hot tears slid down her cheeks, almost too fast for her to keep up with. Every wipe of her cheeks with the palm of her hand was pointless as tears quickly just fell right back down. She was leaning against the bathroom door, her upper back and head against the white painted wood being her support as she stood there and just cried. When she felt the sobs strangling in her throat, she reached out and pressed the switch that was next to the lightswitch, turning on the fan to hopefully muffle the noise. And when it was getting hard to breathe and she felt the snot drip from her nose, she moved herself away from the door and over to the sink, reaching down over the side and grabbing herself some toilet paper to blow and wipe her nose.

This was supposed to be the happiest moment of her life. She was going to be a mom. Her and Tyson were starting a family and actually having a real baby. Yet all of the excitement leading up these 11 weeks since she found out she was pregnant– the ultrasound appointments, the weekly updates Tyson read on the pregnancy tracking app they’d both downloaded, reading the baby books, spending too much time in the baby clothes aisles at stores, buying the furniture, putting together the nursery– all of that came crashing down on her in one single moment.

The moment that Tyson had taken the shot that exploded that plastic puck into a big cloud of pink, telling them that they were having a girl.

It was almost like that moment was the worst nightmare she’d never realized she’d had.

Suddenly, the bathroom door opened and she jumped in place out of fright. “Hey Clem–” Tyson stopped in the doorway, the concern written all over his face as he took in her appearance. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Get out, Tyson,” she said, barely recognizing her own voice but feeling the ache in her throat that was sore from crying.

He tried to walk into the bathroom, looking more worried than before. “Clem–”

“Leave! Go!” She yelled, pushing him back out of the door. “Leave me alone.”

She had managed to get him out of the door, Tyson clearly not putting up too much of a fight since if he had, he would’ve easily been able to power his way into the bathroom. But that didn’t mean he was letting her shut the door on him so easily, because that was where she was currently struggling.

“Clem come on,” he pleaded, and she could recognize a slight fear in his eyes as he looked at her and took in her puffy face, reddened cheeks and tear filled eyes. “Tell me what’s wrong, talk to me.”

“I want to be alone, Tyson,” she sniffled, wiping her nose with the inside of the jacket sleeve. “Just go–”

He pushed the door back open as she tried to shut it the rest of the way and shook his head. “Do you want me to get Nana? My mom–”

“No! I don’t want to talk to Nana, or you just–” Clementine felt her bottom lip start to quiver as she hung her head, sniffling. “Tyson please just go,” her voice wavered as she felt a new wave of tears fill her eyes. “Please.”

“Okay,” he spoke softly, and she could hear the resistance he was dealing with, not wanting to let her be alone in the bathroom but also not wanting to stress her out or make her upset anymore. “Okay, I’ll just…I guess I’ll just hold Danielle off on the baby shower gifts for a bit.”

Clementine just nodded before finally being able to close the door, shutting Tyson out of the bathroom and then locking the door this time. She closed her eyes and took a deep, shuddering breath before exhaling slowly and leaning her head against the wooden door, the sobs escaping from the back of her throat once more.

It was bad enough that she was crying because of the news that they were having a daughter, but it was even worse now, that Tyson had found her crying. Though to him, he probably assumed it was because of her pregnancy hormones– “tons of pregnant people cry, Clem. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” But she could only imagine the look on his face or what he would think of her when he found out she was crying because they weren’t having a son, but a daughter.

Would he be heartbroken? Ashamed? Angry? Would they get into a fight about how she should be ashamed for feeling this way? That she was a bad mom for not being as happy and excited as he was about their child? What would he say of her reasoning for her feelings she hadn’t even been fully aware of until this moment? Would he say it was just an excuse? Invalidate them?

Clementine hadn’t even realized the reasons why she had been preferring a son this entire time, not until the reality set in that they were having a daughter. Sure, there were small feelings of dread anytime Tyson mentioned their baby being a girl, but she always figured it was just because ideally she wanted a boy– just like they’d talked about. But then she realized, standing there in the living room and socializing with the guests post gender reveal, just why having girls never crossed her mind.

She loved their baby, she had from the moment she found out she was pregnant. But seeing that pink cloud…it scared her. It scared her because she suddenly saw a path form in her mind that she’d never even considered and maybe it was because she’d spent so many years pushing it into the very back depths of her mind…but here it was again, taunting her and staring her in the face with a haunting grin that seemed to say “this could be you in a few short months.”

A small knock came from the door, vibrating against Clementine’s head and brought her out of her thoughts. “Clementine?” It was Laura and she must have been speaking directly against the door, because Clem could hear her loud and clear, even in the soft and quiet voice she was using, probably to try and not bring attention to herself. “Clementine, sweetie…why don’t you let me in?”

Part of her felt angry at Tyson for getting his mom, because that meant that he’d told her what he’d seen. All she wanted was to be alone. She was embarrassed and scared and just wanted to deal with all of that with nobody else around her. The other part of her was telling her to answer the door, to let Laura in and tell her everything that she didn’t want Tyson or even Nana and Papa to know. Not that she didn’t trust them to not be angry at her for the way she felt, but because she didn’t want to hurt their feelings.

She was feeling this way about Tyson’s daughter, and it all stemmed from her own mother– Nana and Papa’s daughter. And sure, the baby she was carrying was going to be Laura’s first grandchild…but Clementine would feel more comfortable venting her feelings to her than them. Laura had been there from the moment Clem and Tyson became friends. She was another mother figure for her. She had done what Clementine’s own mother hadn’t– she’d raised her two kids when their dad wasn’t around, while Clementine’s had decided she wasn’t worth the hassle and dropped her off on a front porch in the snow.

And though it’s been 11 weeks from the moment she’d found out she was pregnant– the impending thought of how she’d turn out just like her mother, was just not starting to come to the forefront…all because of that exploding cloud of pink dust.

Clementine wiped her face with the sleeve of her jacket as she unlocked the bathroom door and stepped aside, opening it just slightly so Laura could come in. Once she saw her start to come in, Clementine moved further into the bathroom, giving Laura room to stand in there with her. She hugged her arms close to her as she watched Laure close and lock the door behind her before turning around to face her.

“Tyson told me you were upset,” she spoke carefully, almost as if she was trying to gauge how Clementine would react to her presence. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

The simple question just brought Clementine to tears as she felt her face start to scrunch and her vision blurred. She shook her head as she sniffled and hugged her arms closer to her, signaling to Laura that she, for the moment, was unable to speak. And Laura just stepped closer to her, holding her arms out to show that she was going to hug her before wrapping her arms around Clementine and hugging her tightly, rubbing her back as she just broke down against her sweater.

“Shh, it’s okay Clem,” Laure whispered, brushing her hand down the back of Clementine’s hair. “Whatever it is, it’s going to be okay.”

Clementine held onto Laura tightly, feeling the fabric of her sweater bunched in her palms as her heart raced. “I can’t have a daughter,” she whimpered, scared to hear Laura’s reaction as her breathing picked up. “I can’t, Laura. I just, I–I–”

Laura pulled back out of their hug and for a split second, Clementine’s worst fears came true– that no matter who she confided in, they would be ashamed or upset at her current feelings. But instead of reprimanding her like she feared, Laura brought her hands up to Clementine’s face, cupping her chin and getting her to look at her.

“Clementine, you need to take a deep breath, okay?” She spoke calmly, nodding her head as she took a deep breath herself. “Breathe with me, just follow me and relax.”

Clementine nodded her head as she looked at her through blurred vision, trying her best to slow down her rapid breathing by breathing along with Laura. A deep breath in…a slow exhale out. Again and again, until her racing heart calmed down and she was no longer breathing rapidly through her mouth. 

“Good, Clem, good,” Laura smiled, still keeping her focus on her. “Now tell me again what’s wrong.”

“I can’t…have a daughter, Laura,” Clementine spoke softly, averting her eyes away from Laura’s as she shook her head. “I…I wanted a boy because…” she felt her throat tighten and she stopped, taking another deep breath and exhaling.

“Why do you think you can’t have a daughter, Clementine?” Laura asked, keeping her calm and soothing voice.

She chewed on the inside of her cheek, trying to gain some composure before she could bring herself to look back at Laura and answer. “I’m scared,” her bottom lip quivered as she looked back at Laura. “I’m scared that I won’t be a good mom to her like Nana and you we-were to me. That I’ll be just like my mom.” She sniffled and reached up, wiping at her eyes.

Laura nodded, removing her hands from Clementine’s face before walking over towards the toilet, motioning for Clementine to sit down on top of the closed lid. Clementine walked over and sat down in front of Laura, resting her hands in her lap as Laura grabbed some toilet paper and dampened it in the sink before she started to wipe at what was probably the mascara streaks on Clementine’s face.

“I only came into your life when you were five years old, so I didn’t know your mother personally. But what I do know is that she missed out on the beautiful, smart, kind, passionate and overall amazing woman you grew up to be.” Laura said, carefully wiping beneath Clementine’s eyes. “I can’t speak for the kind of woman she was, though I do know I can say for certain that I can’t fathom why she left you the way that she did.”

Laura tossed the toilet paper into the trashcan before grabbing and rolling up a few more sheets and carefully blotting her skin. “But what I do know is that you were raised by the two most loving people I’ve met aside from my own parents. With the way your mother left you behind, you could’ve turned out very differently, Clementine. You could’ve been angry, bitter, you could’ve never found yourself in this very place– married with a baby on the way. But I truly believe that while you are your mother’s daughter genetically, you are more of Frances and Howard than you have ever been or ever will be Adelisa.”

Clementine felt the tears build in her eyes again as she took in Laura’s words. “What if I’m not a good mom?” She whispered, playing with her hands. “I know I’m not going to abandon her like my mom did me…but what if I’m not like your or Nana? What if I’m just like her?”

“I’m going to tell you what my mom told me when I took Tyson home from the hospital after he was born and absolutely terrified I was going to screw up” she said, tossing the toilet paper into the small trash can before squatting down in front of Clementine and holding her hands. “As long as you’re trying your very best and your baby is loved, you’re already on your way to being a good mom.”

“Clementine, I’ve seen how excited and how invested you are in taking care of yourself and your baby. You’ve been reading books, doing the research on what the safest furniture is, you’ve been eating healthy– you’re already a good mom.” Laura said, squeezing her hands and looking her in the eyes as if she was trying to hammer it into her head.

“Even if I just spent the last five minutes crying in a bathroom because of pink dust?” Clementine sniffled, feeling like she was a child again.

“Even if you’re upset because it was pink dust and not blue.” Laura laughed, nodding her head. “You know, when I found out Tyson was a boy, I was upset. Not so much along the lines of why you are, but because I’d read horror stories about diaper changing for baby boys when I was reading books. I was terrified to be peed on.”

Clementine laughed and wiped her eyes, nodding her head. “When we read that Tyson said he was going to buy hazmat suits off of Amazon to wear during a diaper change.”

When things settled down, Laura squeezed her hands again, giving her a supportive smile. “I’m not saying you can’t or shouldn’t be upset Clementine, because your reasons are very, very valid. And even if they weren’t, gender disappointment is real and it’s okay. But I’m going to tell you right now, that I know deep down inside of my heart, that you,” she held her hands tightly, looking directly into her eyes and nodding. “You are going to be an incredible mother. And if you need any help or have any questions, you know you can reach out to your Nana and Papa and me, heck– you know my parents would love to help you both as well. You and Tyson aren’t alone in this, especially you. You’ve got us in your corner, even Kacey. Okay?”

“Okay,” she nodded, leaning forward and hugging Laura tightly before leaning back and standing up.

“Before we go back out there, I do think this should be something you talk to Tyson about,” she spoke carefully, nodding her head. “He won’t be upset, Clementine, I promise. He wants to support you and be there for you in any way that he can– and communication during a pregnancy is very important.”

Clementine nodded, wiping her eyes again. “I’ll talk to him tonight. And I’ll probably ask Dr. Cortez or Dr. Johnson if maybe they know someone I can talk to, too. For that and for other parents' fears, you know?”

“I think that’s a wonderful idea,” she smiled, walking to the bathroom door and looking back over her shoulder. “Are you ready to go out there?”

Clementine nodded as she let go of Laura’s hand and the two walked out of the bathroom, back down the hall to rejoin the party. As if he’d been spending his entire time standing within eyeshot of the hall entrance, Tyson made eye contact with them both and then immediately excused himself from his conversation with Gabe and rushed over to them.

“I’ll go check on Frances and Howard,” Laura said, giving Clemetine a supportive nod and smile before rubbing Tyson’s shoulder and walking away from them.

Tyson looked behind him at the party before nudging Clementine back into the hall, allowing them to have some sort of privacy away from partygoer eyes. “I know you said you just wanted to be alone but–”

Clementine just wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed herself against his chest, hugging him. “Thank you,” she whispered, closing her eyes as she focused on the sound of his heart beating through his chest.

“Is everything okay?” He asked, holding her tightly as if he didn’t want to let her go. “You scared me there for a bit Clem. I didn’t know if something had happened to you or to the baby or–”

“For right now everything’s fine. I’m fine,” Clementine nodded, pulling out of the hug and looking at him, grabbing his hand and resting it on top of her bump and keeping her hand on top of his. “And she’s perfectly fine.”

Tyson looked down, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “Then what happened? Is it the party? Did you not want to do a baby shower too?” He looked out towards the party, shaking his head and looking back at her. “Because if so I can go out and tell Danielle and Jared–”

“No, Tyson, it’s not the party, the party is fine and right now, I’m fine,” she nodded, taking a deep breath and exhaling. “Let’s just enjoy the rest of the party and tonight when we go home, I promise I’ll tell you everything…okay?”

“You promise?” He asked, still a concerned frown on his face.

Clementine nodded, holding up her right pinky. “Pinky promise.”

Tyson looked down at her hand and smiled softly, linking his right pinky with hers before leaning in and kissing her, pulling away just barely. “You really scared me, Clementine,” he said, pressing another kiss to her forehead. “I was about to have them stop the party and find a way to break into the bathroom.”

“I’m sorry, Tys,” she said, hugging him again and resting her chin on his chest, looking up at him. “I promise I didn’t mean to. I just got very overwhelmed and swept up in my thoughts and…” she exhaled, not letting herself get emotional again. “I’ll explain everything when we’re home and in bed, okay?”

He nodded, and she could still tell he was a little worried about her, but she leaned up and kissed him again before stepping back and holding his hand. “Come on, we’ve got some presents to open for little miss here.” She pressed her hand on her bump, still a little hesitant, but not wanting to let her own thoughts get in the way of what is a good day. “I just hope the clothes are all gender neutral if people bought them.”

“Don’t worry, they are,” he nodded, squeezing her hand softly. “Danielle and I made sure it was in a small note at the bottom if anyone was going to buy clothes as a gift, to make sure it was gender neutral. So it’s safe to say Bailey here might be wearing a lot of yellows, greens and gray for a bit.” He joked, a more natural smile on his face.

“I’m sure she’ll love it,” Clemetine replied, smiling at him as she leaned her head against his bicep and kept her left hand on her bump, softly rubbing against the fabric of her dress and feeling a little more at ease now than she had initially.

Small steps…that’s all she needed to focus on right now. Just the small steps and she knew that with Tyson and their families by their side, she’d get to where she needed to be.

Third Trimester

The Wild’s postseason run for the 2023-2024 season had unfortunately come to an end in the second round with a loss to Dallas Stars. What had turned out to be a heartbreaking series that the Wild had started off with a bang and ended up losing by two games, the impending birth of their daughter was perhaps the only thing that had kept Tyson from feeling blue for too long. Not too long after wrapping up the season, Tyson and Clementine had packed up what they were going to take back to their home in St. Albert, secured their home for the time being and then made their way back to their hometown for the remainder of the summer as they waited for the arrival of their daughter.

Clementine had stuck with her promise of telling Tyson about what had happened in the bathroom at their gender reveal party and why she was so upset. And just like Laura had said, Tyson wasn’t upset at her for the fact that she had been disappointed with the reveal that they were having a daughter or the fear of how she wouldn’t be able to be a good mom or didn’t want a daughter. If anything, he was supportive.

Just like his mom had done, Tyson had given her a pep-talk, assuring her that she was going to be a great mom. But also doubling down on how she didn’t need to feel ashamed for feeling the way she did and more importantly, that she didn’t need to fear how he would react, because he was always going to be on her team– she was his best friend. Together, they had reached out to Dr. Cortez shortly after the gender reveal party, who had put them in touch with a therapist that she often recommended to other soon-to-be or already are, mothers who just needed someone to talk to in regards to pregnancy or their post-birth life. And twice a week over the computer, Clementine would talk to her therapist– Cindy– and started to find her way in navigating her feelings about her mom, her pregnancy and their daughter.

And even when they moved back up to St. Albert, Tyson joined in on the sessions, learning how he could support Clementine when maybe things were getting rough or things felt stressful after the baby was born. Their sessions were especially helpful when they had to switch their OBGYN for when the baby was born, since they were going to be up in St. Albert. Having to switch OBGYN’s twice during one pregnancy wasn’t common, and for a first time mom, Clementine felt super stressed. But, her sessions with Tyson and Cindy, as well as her Nana and Laura helping her find a good OB helped her through it. And she knew that when they were back in Minnesota, that Dr. Cortez and Dr. Johnson (seeing if she was back) would both be there for any questions or concerns she had following the birth.

Now though, at 36 weeks pregnant and only being four weeks away from giving birth, Clementine felt more confident and comfortable in her potential of being a mother, and even moreso, with the fact that they were having a daughter.

Despite living in Minnesota for the eight to nine months out of the year, their home in St. Albert still felt like home. They only lived five minutes away from their families and their house was of similar size and features to their home in Minnesota. The only downside, was that they’d spent the last few weeks unpacking the boxes of baby clothes and diapers they’d shipped up here knowing they’d be up here for at least almost three months. That also included nursery furniture they’d bought for their home here that needed to be unpacked and put together, along with the nursery in general that needed to be decorated and put together.

It was a lot of things, but they’d managed to do most of them together. At least when Tyson let Clementine help out instead of telling her to just relax and hang out with Fudge or whichever family member had come over to visit that day.

He had done it again today too. Up in the nursery, Clementine had finished unpacking the clothes and diapers and set up both the inside of what would be Bailey’s closet. She’d also finished filling the metal over the door hanger that would hold diaper changing supplies and other stuff they could put in the closet that was overflow from the drawers of the changing table. She offered to help Tyson put together the crib, only for Tyson to suggest that maybe she go downstairs and relax for a bit. That he would only be a little bit longer before he was coming downstairs to make lunch for them.

While part of her had felt a little annoyed at how he insisted she didn’t help, she knew that he was only doing so because she was so far along now that it was important that she didn’t exert herself too much. Plus, she really couldn’t stand up by herself or even see her toes, so she never allowed herself to get too mad when he would brush her off. He was right though, she did need to sit down and rest for a bit, her back was starting to ache and she’d been feeling the throbbing in her feet get worse by the second.

Fudge had followed her downstairs, just like she’d been following her around the house anywhere she went. Clementine had let Fudge out into the backyard, standing there in the doorframe and using it as a means of support while she waited for Fudge to go to the bathroom and sniff around for a few minutes. And when Fudge came back in, she slid the door shut and locked it, turning around and making her way over to couch in the living room. She knew she was tired when she could actually feel herself get excited about laying down and propping her feet up onto a few pillows.

Yet before she could even make it to the couch to sit down, the doorbell rang. Clementine sighed, feeling a little disappointed that she hadn’t been able to sit down for a bit. But she knew that their families were constantly making stops by the house as her due date got closer. Most of the time they were just stopping in to make sure everything was okay and seeing if they needed anything before hanging around and then going home. Today though, she knew that Kacey was planning on stopping by with Nana and Laura to help with hanging some of the wall decorations they’d gotten for the nursery.

When Clementine got to the door, she looked through the peephole and saw two teenagers standing there– a boy and a girl. The girl looked to be 18, maybe 19 years old and the boy looked to be about the same age, maybe a little younger despite being taller than her. They both had dark brown hair and looked like they could even be siblings. School wasn’t in session, so she wasn’t sure why they were on her porch, but they also looked a little nervous, the two of them talking to each other quietly– not that Clemetine could hear them anyway.

She really needed to get someone out there to install their Ring doorbell.

Nothing about the two teenagers seemed threatening, so she stepped away from the peephole and unlocked the door, opening it and seemingly catching the two teenagers by surprise as she stood on the opposite side of the screen door they’d had installed for days when the weather was nice and they just wanted to sit inside of the house and feel the breeze or hear the rain echo through.

“Hello,” Clementine said, looking at the two of them as she held onto the front door for a little support. “How can I help you guys?”

She was met with shocked stares as both teenagers turned away from each other and faced her. She was starting to feel a little uneasy with the awkward silence that was passing between the three of them, almost considering closing the door on them until she saw the boy nudge the girl beside him. 

“Are you Clementine Blake?” She said fast, a little loud too and blushing after the words had left her mouth. Almost as if she hadn’t meant for the question to come out that way.

“It’s Clementine Jost now…but yes, that’s me.” Clementine furrowed her eyebrows as she looked between the two teens, feeling confused on how they knew her name. “I’m sorry, do I know you two?”

“No…well yeah, kind of…I guess,” the boy rambled, seeming just as nervous as his sister and when he looked at her, it looked as if he was hoping she would fill in for him– help him not be as nervous. But she was still looking at Clementine as if she was in a sort of confused disbelief. “I’m Hayden Johnston and this is my older sister Emily.”

There was something familiar about the two of them that Clementine couldn’t quite put her finger on. She wasn’t sure if it was their names or their faces, but she felt like she’d seen them before…or knew them somehow. She opened her mouth to speak when the girl– Emily– suddenly seemed to zone back in from her own shock and spoke instead.

“Our dad’s Thomas Johnston and our mom’s Adelisa Johnston…formally Adelisa Blake,” Emily swallowed heavily as she motioned towards Hayden, looking at Clementine with a nervous gaze. “We’re your half-siblings.”

It was like all of the breath had been sucked out of her lungs at the mere mention of her mom’s name. And the two of them– Emily and Hayden– they were her half-siblings. Her mom had had more kids…she had siblings after all these years. And suddenly, with the news, she could see the similarities between them. All three had the same dark hair and the same eye shape. Hayden and her both had their mom’s eyes, while Emily had green eyes– presumably coming from their father’s side.

“I’m sorry,” Clementine finally spoke, clearing her throat as her grip on the door tightened and she started to feel the tears burn in her eyes. “I just…how old are you guys?”

“I just turned 19 last week, on wednesday…June eighth.” Emily said, still looking a little cautious at the situation.

“And I turned 18 in February,” Hayden spoke carefully, digging his hands into his short pockets. “February 15th, actually.”

Their birthdays were a day apart. Clementine had been born on February 14th– Valentines Day. While Hayden’s was February 15th. Obviously they were years apart in age– but that made her wonder if her mother ever thought about her as his birthday neared. Did she even celebrate her birthday? Clearly she had to have done something to make the two of them find their way to her home.

They knew about her. They came searching for her.

But why? How?

She wasn’t sure what to say next or how to even feel. Sure, she felt hurt by the fact her mother started a whole new family without her. Part of her felt angry too– but she’d spent so many years angry at her mother, she wasn’t really sure if there was any more anger to have. More than anything, she just felt confused.

“Clem, have you seen my flathead screwdriver? It’s not in my kit.” Tyson asked, his footsteps echoing through the house as he walked down the stairs before making his way over. “Who’s at the door?”

She looked over her shoulder to see Tyson coming closer and then stepped aside to make room for him. “Tyson, this is–”

“Oh!” He said, stopping by the front door and smiling. “You guys must be Emily and Hayden.”

“How do you know that?” Clementine asked, looking at him in confusion.

“Maybe we shouldn’t have come over…” Emily said, still clearly a little on edge as she looked at Hayden. “We can go–”

“No, no, come on in,” Tyson said, unlatching the screen door and nudging it open. “I was just getting ready to make us lunch. Nana Blake told me you were coming, so come on in.”

The two teenagers shared a look before Emily made the first move to walk into the house, carefully stepping inside and standing off to the side to wait for Hayden to follow behind. “Your house is beautiful,” she said, looking around her. “It’s really homey, I love it.”

“Thanks, Clem did some of the decorating,” Tyson joked, closing the screen door and locking it again.

“Some?” Clementine said, shutting the front door and crossing her arms. “I did all of it. If you did any decorating, the living room would be nothing but sports memorabilia.”

“Kidding, babe,” he said, stepping towards her and kissing her cheek. “You two go ahead into the kitchen, it’s straight ahead. Fudge is probably eating out of her bowel, don’t mind her. She’s a real sweetheart. If she tries to jump on you, just tell her no and she’ll get right down, no hard feelings.”

The two siblings took their shoes off by the front door before slowly making their way towards the kitchen, walking side by side as if they were sticking together and unsure about whether or not they should have accepted Tyson’s invitation.

“Nana told you?!” Clementine whispered, grabbing onto Tyson’s arm as she looked at him with raised eyebrows.

“Yeah…I just forgot to tell you,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Pregnancy brain is contagious, you know.”

Clementine shook her head and let go of his arm, hugging her arms close to her chest as she looked off towards the kitchen. “I– I don’t know what to do, Tys. What do I say? I don’t know them and they– I don’t even know what they know about me!”

“They know about you, Clem. They’ve been staying with Nana and Papa for the last three days.” He whispered, looking off at the kitchen. “Showed up on their front porch Thursday night asking if they were Adelisa’s parents and then spent the last few days getting to know them. They asked about you and Nana told them you lived here and they almost weren’t going to come, but you know how Nana is. So, she convinced them and well…I guess they came.”

She sighed in disbelief, looking off towards the kitchen where she could hear Fudge’s nails against the tiling, followed by what was the familiar thumping of her tail against a cabinet. She must be getting head rubs from either Hayden or Emily. “Tys…”

“You saw them Clem. I can guarantee you that they’re just as nervous as you are about this,” Tyson said, reaching down and holding her hand. “Let’s just make some lunch and get to know them, okay? They’re apparently leaving on Friday, so they’ll only be around for four more days. If it turns out that you don’t like them? You never have to talk to them again. But if you do? Then that’s two more people you can add to your family– a brother and a sister, so now you can stop hogging mine.”

Clementine rolled her eyes and nudged his arm. “You’re annoying.”

“No I’m not, you love me.” Tyson smiled, leaning down and kissing her. “Now come on, let me see if I can impress my possible future brother and sister-in-law with my cooking prowess.”

“You literally said you were going to make grilled cheese, Tys.” Clementine replied.

“I might step up my game now,” he replied, draping an arm over her shoulder and pulling her into his side. “Come on, don’t be nervous I’m right here with you, okay?”

She nodded, wrapping her arm around his waist and leaned into his side. She took a deep breath and exhaled, looking towards the kitchen. “Okay.”

Naturally, the beginning of lunch was extremely tense and awkward. Tyson, bless his soul, tried his very best to try and alleviate all of the tension by filling out any of the small, awkward silences by asking questions about Emily and Hayden’s home life, school, or by telling them a little bit about him and Clem’s past and current present. In the middle of eating the grilled cheese sandwiches, Nana, Laura and Kacey had arrived and thankfully, their arrival took a little bit of the awkwardness out of the room.

So instead of Tyson just talking, it turned into Kacey, Laura, Tyson and Nana talking. The three siblings would chime in every now and then, but it was still, obviously a little awkward. Clementine noticed though, just how relaxed that Emily and Hayden had seemed around Nana and she remembered that she wasn’t the only one in the situation who had missed out on their entire existence. Sure, while she had missed out on knowing her half-siblings– which it turns out she has another one, a six year old brother named Tristan, who according to Emily and Hayden based on the pictures that Nana and Papa had shown them, looks just like Clementine did, only with the green eyes that their father had– Nana and Papa had missed out on three additional grandchildren.

Three grandchildren that could have received the same love, attention and happy memories that Clementine had made with the two of them in her life. She wondered how Nana and Papa were so easily to warm up to the two of them. Granted they were their grandchildren and Clementine knew that no matter what, they’d love their grandchildren. But they too had been deprived of a relationship with them because of their own daughter’s actions. How could they just not think about that even sitting in the same room as them?

Funny enough though, once the conversation really started flowing after the three new guests had gotten there, Clementine too found herself starting to open up more and so did Emily and Hayden. She found out that her and Emily actually had a birthmark in the same exact place– on the right side of their ribs– and that just like she was, Hayden was better at English than he was at math and science. That she and Emily both preferred Christmas to Halloween, though they loved Hocus Pocus. She and Hayden loved to ride roller coasters– unless they were the lap bars…they both hated those.

It amazed her the more that she talked and listened to them, that she found the small things in common that they had despite never meeting or speaking until today. And as the hours ticked by, she felt herself begin to understand that the tension and uncertain feelings she had towards them, only turned out to be anger and confusion towards Adelisa.

After lunch, the whole group went back upstairs into the nursery, Hayden helping Tyson finish putting together the crib, while Nana, Laura, Kacey and Emily helped Clementine put together the picture frames, as well as hang the wall decorations they’d already bought, along with finish organizing the closet since Kacey and Laura had brought more diapers and clothes because “we stopped at the store and couldn’t resist all of the cute clothes.”

By the time dinner had rolled around, the nursery was basically set up, aside from the rocking chair that needed to be moved into the room from downstairs, but Hayden offered to carry it up the stairs and once he did that– the nursery was all complete. Tyson offered to order everyone pizza for dinner and everyone moved downstairs except for Clementine who had made a short trip into their bedroom to go to the bathroom. When she was done, she made her way back out of the bedroom and ready to head towards the stairs, but she decided to stop by the nursery one last time.

Looking at the set up that Tyson, she and their friends and families had brought to life from her pinterest board was a surreal moment. In the moments that she had made the board, just jotting down ideas what she’d like to see in their future baby’s nursery, she for some reason, could never fathom actually seeing all the bits and pieces come to life. The light lilac painted walls were complimented by the offwhite furniture pieces throughout the nursery. The one piece of furniture that had stood out, was the old mahogany rocking chair that her Nana had gifted her when she and Tyson had come back for the summer.

It was the same rocking chair that she used to rock her own daughter in, and then on some nights when Clementine couldn’t sleep, she’d sit in the chair with her and hold her, rocking her to sleep even though she was five years old. A chair that had sat in her office, Clementine always remembering sitting in it herself as a child and watching her Nana sit and do her work, or sometimes, just watch her work on her art projects. She was fond of the chair and looked forward to rocking Bailey in it on those sleepless nights, or any of their children after if they decide to have more. And then even one day, passing it on.

There was no specific theme to their nursery, not really. It had a modern touch, along with a sort of dreamy and modern Disney theme. Tyson suggested that maybe they shouldn’t try to do a theme and just see what they find and pick it out because he said it would be less stressful…and he was right. It was extremely less stressful worrying about liking one decoration but realizing that it just didn’t fit in with the rest. Instead, they did try to match of course, but they just knew they wanted to make it a peaceful and happy place for whenever Bailey would start to sleep in her crib.

“It looks really good,” Clementine looked away from the fully furnished crib to see Emily standing in the doorway, slowly walking in. “She’s going to be one lucky kid.”

“Thank you,” Clementine nodded, resting her hand on her large bump and rubbing it softly as she laughed. “Though I doubt she’ll appreciate all of it…being a baby and all, you know?”

“That’s not what I meant,” Emily said, putting her hands in the back of her jean pockets. “I mean, yeah, she’ll probably love all of this stuff too…but I meant it about you and Tyson. You guys are going to be great parents, I can already tell.”

She tried not to let Emily see her be shocked, but she couldn’t help it. “Oh, well…thanks,” she said, turning towards her and nodding. “That really means a lot to hear that. It’s been one of my biggest worries since–”

“Since our mom is who she is?” Emily added, ever so blunt.

Clem nodded, sighing. “Yeah, exactly.”

“Sometimes I wonder if she ever would’ve told us about you if I hadn’t gone searching for my passport.” Emily walked over towards the rocking chair, resting her hand on the back of it. “There’s a picture of her holding you in this chair in your baby book…I recognized the chair the moment I saw it. Because I remember staring at every picture in the book wondering about you. What happened to you, if you were still alive…there were so many questions, you know?”

“Baby book?” Clementine asked, feeling unsure. “She has that?”

“Mhhm,” Emily nodded. “When I grabbed the box she kept our passports in, a second box fell down and your book and a bunch of pictures and stuff all fell out.” She walked back over to Clementine, taking her phone out of her pocket and tapping the screen before handing it over. “That’s how I found everything. Confronted her about it too and she was silent for the first time since well…I can remember.”

Clementine grabbed her phone and swiped through the pictures. Sure enough, Emily had taken pictures of pages in the baby book that looked to have been filled out through at least her first year, like most baby books were. Seeing as how she ended up in the custody of her grandparents, she couldn’t believe the pictures of a baby her, her mom and the man she’d only seen in a few pictures that Nana and Papa had, but she knew was her dad. Though they’d only met her father a handful of times, Nana and Papa never had anything bad to say about him and spoke of him as a polite, quiet young man who adored Clementine more than anything.

Growing up, she’d always wondered what life would have been like had her father not died. She used to dwell on the thoughts for a while, eventually making herself upset to the point of tears and would ask Nana and Papa why her father had to die or why Adelisa left her behind. But as she got older, she learned that there was no point in dwelling on the fact since it was nothing that could be changed. Still though, there was a big part of her that wished she’d gotten to know her father better. What parts of him that she inherited.

“What did she say?” Clementine asked, part of her wanting to know how Adelisa felt being confronted with Emily’s discovery. “If she said anything.”

“She tried to shut me down, but I wouldn’t let it go, you know? I mean what kind of parent keeps their children a secret? So I followed her through the house asking and we were…we were arguing about it which is how it got my dad’s attention the moment he walked into the house.”

Clementine could tell that Emily was starting to revert into her shell and she shook her head, placing her hand on her shoulder. “You really don’t have to— I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable by asking.”

“You didn’t, it’s just…I’m thinking about how Hayden and I were listening in on them while she was explaining and I…our dad rarely ever got mad at home, despite being a lawyer. But he,” she took a deep breath and exhaled. “He was really upset with her.”

Emily looked around the nursery, shaking her head before looking at Clementine. “He never even knew about you. Mom…she had told him back when they were dating that you had died in an accident with your dad. That that’s why she had relocated to Toronto…to start fresh. And then she went on saying how she left you with her parents and she only did it because she loved him and saw a future with him and I guess he had said he wasn’t sure about wanting kids yet.”

“But that’s the thing I just don’t understand, you know?” She said, crossing her arms. “Why didn’t she ever come back to get you once she knew that he wanted kids? Once they got married? I just- I can’t wrap my head around how she’s the PTA mom that I grew up with, always involved in our activities and read us bedtime stories…but at the same time she’s also the mom who dropped her five year old off in the middle of the night on a front porch in a snowstorm…and never looked back.”

It wasn’t hard to see that Emily was where Clementine had been years ago, when she was constantly battling with the thoughts of being able to wrap her mind around what Adelisa had done. When she was going through it, she had a whole small army of people that loved her around her– Tyson in particular was helpful in getting through the constant ‘why didn’t she want me?’ questions. And sure, maybe Emily and Hayden had their dad…hell, maybe they even had Adelisa to help them through it. But right now, they were on the complete opposite side of the country.

Her fingers were fidgeting by her side as she thought about what to do, but there was never any hesitation the moment the thought crossed her mind. She reached out, placing her hand on Emily’s shoulder, gaining her attention to see that she was clearly hurting from the whole situation. And then, she just stepped closer to her and hugged her. Admittedly, she was nervous that Emily would pull away or just stand there and not hug her back– in fact, she feared it. But instead of awkwardly accepting the hug or denying it…she hugged her back. She hugged her back harder than Clementine had expected. As if she was scared to let go.

Or as if she felt safe enough to.

“I’m sorry for what she did,” Emily sniffled,

“Don’t be,” Clementine spoke softly, rubbing small circles against Emily’s back. “I stopped letting what she did bother me years ago. 

“It just makes me so…so angry at what she took from all of us. All of those years…I just, I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it.”

It felt like she was hearing her younger self say the exact words to Tyson. Expressing to him just how angry and upset she was that Adelisa never came back for her and how she felt like she was going to spend the rest of her life harboring those feelings of resentment. But she made it through. Sure, there will always be parts of her that would never fully get over how her own mother abandoned her, but with the right support, those thoughts no longer plagued her mind and she no longer felt that anger every day of her life.

“You will. I promise you that one day you’ll wake up feeling a little less angry and hurt and then every day afterwards it’ll be the same until you’re not anymore. I’ve been in your very shoes, I know that frustration and anger. But I promise that it doesn’t last forever.”

Emily just nodded and hugged Clementine a little tighter, resting her head on her shoulder as the two of them stood there and kept the comforting embrace. It was strange to Clementine just how natural this felt– comforting Emily. All her life she’d wanted siblings, she’d even adopted Kacey as her own younger sister. Yet even though she’d only met Emily today, it felt like she was hugging and comforting someone she’s known for her entire life.

“Oh!” Emily gasped, sniffling as she pulled back out of the hug and looked down at Clementine’s bump. “I think she just kicked because I definitely felt that.”

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Clementine laughed, patting the side of her bump. “This thing gets in the way a lot of the time. But that might’ve been her, she’s been really active lately.”

“That’s okay,” she laughed, clearing her throat and wiping at her eyes. “Though maybe she’ll end up playing soccer instead of being interested in hockey, because that was quite a kick.”

“Well Tyson’s already got his heart set on teaching her how to skate, so she’ll at least learn that.” Clementine smiled, looking back up at Emily.

“We should probably get downstairs before they send a search party,” Emily laughed softly, nodding her head towards the door. “I’m getting a sense that Tyson’s the type.”

“Please, just two weeks ago he came rushing into the bathroom because he heard the bathtub draining and I didn’t call out to him for help out of the tub. It’s been pretty hard navigating with this big ole thing, but sometimes I’m able to push myself up and not fall over.”

They both laughed as Clementine turned the lights off in the nursery and they both walked out into the hallway, ready to go down the stairs as Emily started to take the first few steps. “Hey, Emily?”

“Hm?” She asked, stopping and looking over her shoulder.

“What you said about how she took away all of those years from us…just because we missed so many, doesn’t mean that we still can’t take advantage of the ones we have now and in the future.” Clementine said, swallowing the nervous knot in her throat. “You and Hayden are more than welcome to stay with Tyson and I when you visit, both here and in Minnesota. And when the time comes, if there’s ever a good time…I’d really be up to and like to meeting Tristan too. Bailey’s going to know about her aunt’s and uncles, and I want her to be able to meet you all one day.”

“I think that sounds great,” Emily nodded, a small smile on her face. “And I know it probably doesn’t mean much and I don’t want you to feel pressured…but our dad’s a good guy, he really is. And I think if you were ever up to it too, he’d probably want to meet you and apologize.”

Clementine pondered on the offer. She knew that at one point in time, she’d probably have to meet the hot shot lawyer that her mom ultimately ditched her for. If this opportunity were to have come up years ago, she would have immediately shot it down. But knowing that he was just as much of a victim in the lie Adelisa told had her feeling sympathy towards him.

“Okay, yeah,” Clementine nodded, starting to walk with him down the stairs. “I can’t promise it’ll be any soon, especially with Bailey coming within the next month. But whenever there’s a chance, if there’s a chance, sure. But–”

“No mom, I promise,” Emily said, shaking her head. “Don’t worry. And between you and me…even if you did want to meet up with her, I’m not all too confident that she’d show up. I think she’s too ashamed.”

“Geez, did you guys get lost?” Tyson asked, appearing at the end of the stairs. “Pizza’s gonna be here any minute and Em, Hayden’s out on the front porch on the phone with your dad and said to tell you to go out there.”

Emily nodded and jogged the rest of the way down the steps before turning left and heading out onto the front porch while Clementine carefully walked down the stairs, keeping a hand on the handrail and her bump at the same time before Tyson reached out for a hand to help her on the last two steps.

“You guys were up there for a while, did you get stuck in the bathroom?” Tyson asked, nodding his head up towards the top of the stairs.

“No, we were just talking about our mom and how Emily found out about me.”

Tyson raised his eyebrows and tilted his head. “Oh? And how did that go?”

“Actually…really good,” Clementine laughed softly, wrapping her arms around his waist. “Obviously the passport search happened, but then a box fell and it was a box of pictures and other stuff Adelisa had kept, including my baby book. And apparently, she came clean about it to the lawyer–”

“Thomas?”

“Mhhm, and we talked about maybe one day us getting to meet Tristan…even Thomas. She said Adelisa would probably be too ashamed to…”

“And are you disappointed about it?” Tyson asked, trying to gauge her reaction.

Clementine shrugged, looking at him. “I’m not sure. I think I’m indifferent about it. It won’t hurt my feelings anymore if she doesn’t want to and it’s not something I need to do, you know?” She took a deep breath and sighed. “I did tell her that she and Hayden are more than welcome to stay with us if they decide to visit here or Minnesota. And that I’d really like for Bailey to know them, you know?”

Tyson nodded, holding her as close to him as he could without pressing against her bump. “I think that would be great,” he said, kissing the top of her head before looking out towards the door. “They’re really cool kids, just from what we’ve seen.”

“Yeah, they are,” Clementine nodded, resting her head down against his chest.

“Hey Clement– um…Clem?” Hayden said, poking his head past the screen door and looking at her and Tyson and looking extremely nervous. “My dad’s on the phone, if you want– I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want to–”

Clementine looked up at Tyson who shrugged and gave her a ‘why not?’ look. She leaned up and kissed him before removing her arms from around his waist and turning towards the front door. “Yeah, count me in.”

“That’s okay I under– wait, what?” Hayden’s eyes widened and then he smiled before opening the door the rest of the way for her to walk through. “Okay, yeah, come on.”

Tyson reached out and grabbed her hand, giving her a smile and a supportive squeeze. “I love you.”

She smiled and squeezed his hand back. “I love you too.”

Labor

They’d heard all of the stories– Tyson was born two weeks early, Clementine born right on time. They knew that with this being their first pregnancy, that the odds of Bailey making an appearance before her due date was possible…and it was also possible that their due date would come and go and still– no baby.

Which is exactly where they were at.

It was July 1st and Clementine was sitting three days past her 40 week mark and it was driving her absolutely wild. Partially because she and Tyson just wanted their daughter to be here so they could hold her and love her and just begin their life together as a family of three. But for most of it, she was just tired of being pregnant. Her boobs were constantly aching, she couldn’t get more than 20 minutes of solid sleep before her back would ache or she’d have to get up to pee. Tyson has to shave her legs for her since she couldn’t reach them even if she had the strength to bend over. Hell, she couldn’t even remember what her own feet looked like– but at least Kacey was nice enough to give her a pedicure when she told her that Tyson had offered.

“No offense, Ty– but we’ve seen your art skills. You can’t color inside the lines, I doubt you’d be able to paint her toes without making a mess.”

All week she’d been feeling some irregular contractions and as of yesterday afternoon, Dr. Warren, her new OBGYN, confirmed that she was in early labor and that she’d in fact lost her mucus plug. However, she was only two centimeters dilated and there was really nothing to do but wait until her contractions got more persistent and of course, for her water to break. While it was great news that it meant Bailey was on her way, it was still not what either of them wanted to here. At this point, everything just felt like a waiting game at this point, which wasn’t all that great because Clementine and Tyson weren’t the most patient people.

So last night was another night of not the best sleep, constant groaning and adjusting with her pregnancy pillow. A few times she’d accidentally nudged Fudge and woke her up in her search to find comfort. And the bathroom trips…for a split moment she’d actually considered just setting up a sleeping space in the bathroom and sleeping in there. It would mean less steps and easy access. Tyson shut the idea down when he said she could barely get herself up off of the couch, so maybe sleeping on the bathroom floor wasn’t the best idea.

Today felt more like yesterday, though her contractions felt a little stronger and more frequent. But not frequent enough for her to totally worry. Based on all of the books she’d read, by the time that she reaches active labor, she would be six centimeters dilated. Labor seems to progress slowly in first time pregnancies, so she knew that those four centimeters between six and ten would take longer for her body to go through. Maybe it was her way of trying to calm herself down at the mere thought of how by tomorrow she could be giving birth and they would be holding their daughter in their arms.

“Hmmm, okay so there’s seven ways to induce labor,” Tyson read, walking slowly beside her, his phone in his left hand while Fudge’s leash was in his right. “First is exercise–”

“Which I’ve been doing for the last three days, not to mention the days leading up to 40 weeks,” Clementine replied, putting her hands in her sweatshirt pockets.

“Second is sex,” he smiled, looking at her and wiggling his eyebrows up and down. “I like option two.”

“Yeah no, that’s not happening either. You’re not sticking anything up there– not for at least a few months. Plus I look and feel like a walrus, I’m hot enough for sex.”

“I think you were hot before and hot now,” he smiled, leaning in towards her. “So?”

“So no sex,” Clementine smiled, leaning over hte rest of the way and kissing him before waving him off. “Next option.”

“Nipple Stimu–”

“Nope.”

“Acupunct–”

“Hell no,” Clementine said, looking at him. “I don’t even like getting my flu shot, Tyson. Why would I voluntarily have an acupuncturist poke me with needles and lay there? What kind of list are you looking at?”

Tyson turned his phone around, showing her the screen. “Healthline?” He sighed and brought the phone back towards him. “Well, your last three options are acupressure, drink castor oil and eating dates. All of which I know you’re not going to want to do, so I’ll keep looking.”

“At this rate, I think I’m going to have to be induced and I’m not looking forward to that at all,” she pouted, resting her hands on her lower back. “I’m more looking forward to my epidural than I am an induction and trust me, I’ve googled that needle and it’s scary.”

“You’ll be fine, Clem,” he laughed, standing closer to her and lightly bumping into her. “But, this site right here says that exercise and sex might actually be your best options. So…”

“Soooo,” she mimicked, leaning in towards him with a smile. “No. Sex is off the table, so exercise it is.” She leaned back and took a deep breath, exhaling. “Even though it’s done absolutely nothing.”

“Maybe walking isn’t doing anything, so when we get home why don’t you try bouncing on that medicine ball my mom got you?” Tyson asked, scrolling through his phone.

“I guess,” she sighed, leaning back to stretch her back. “I think I’m just tired of being pregnant and having this bowling ball of a baby physically in my body, you know? It’s painful.”

“I offered to buy you a top package at the spa as your push present,” he said, taking a quick glimpse at her. “It’s still on the table.”

She laughed, shaking her head. “Tyson, you already got me maternity pajamas for the hospital and after. Plus you got me a new kindle. Really, I don’t need anymore.”

Tyson just rolled his eyes and smiled. “You’re going to be pushing an almost eight and a half pound baby out of your body, Clem. So suck it up, I’m giving you all of the push presents I see fit.”

This time, Clementine rolled her eyes, ready to say something when she felt a small contraction start, bringing her to a stop. “Tys, stop for a second,” she said, breathing through the pain.

“Another one?” He asked, looking up at his phone to see her nod before nodding back down at his phone. “Clem, I’m looking at all of the ways that could be best to at least try and get your water to break naturally, and this article says the top one is nipple stimulation because of oxytocin or something.”

“I don’t–”

“I know you said you didn’t want to do it, but maybe it’s worth considering besides just exercise? I mean, I know we’ll both enjoy it and–”

“No, Tyson. I wasn’t going to say I don’t want to do it,” she looked up from the sidewalk where she now stood in a wet puddle, the inner thighs of her maternity workout leggings soaked from the unexpected action of her water breaking. “We don’t need to do it…my water just broke.”

“What?” He asked, snapping his head up from his phone and looking at her with wide eyes. “When?”

“Um…now, I guess? I just– I mean it just happened,” she said, looking back down at her feet. “Honestly I thought I was about to pee my pants but nope…water breaking.”

Tyson looked down, scrunching his face as he tugged on the lease. “Fudge no, no sniffing. Bad girl, get away from that,” he said, nudging Fudge away from the puddle as she moved in closer. And like all of a sudden it dawned on him what that meant, he looked back at Clementine in shock. “We need to go to the hospital.”

“We need to walk back first,” she said, turning around to make their way back down to the house.

“No, you stay here! I’ll take Fudge home, toss your bag in the car and then pick you up and–”

“I’m not going to the hospital in soaked pants Tyson,” Clemetine said, metaphorically putting her foot down as she kept walking straight ahead. “Besides, we’re not even half a block away, we’ll be fine. Now come on, you call everyone and I’ll call Dr. Warren and tell her what happened.”

It was organized, rushed chaos as they juggled phone calls, Clementine changing clothes and calling Dr. Warren while Tyson called their families to let them know that they were getting ready to head to the hospital and he’d update them once they got there. Kacey had rushed over from down the road to watch Fudge for them so they wouldn’t have to pack up her stuff to drop her off with anyone, and then they packed up Tyson’s car and made their way to the hospital. They were both nervous, but Clementine was trying her best to calm herself down and recall what she’s read in books and taught in classes and what she’s learned from her friends' experience, as well as Nana and Laura. Tyson on the other hand, was panicking and unable to hide it. This proved true when he was filling out the paperwork as they checked in and led them to their room and he had to ask the nurse for a new form because he’d accidentally written his own name on the line where hers was to go– seeing as she was the patient.

Needless to say, once Caroline was hooked up and checked on by nurses and everything was settling down, she told Tyson to sit down in the chair and take a breath. “I’m the one birthing a human here and you’re so pale you look like you’re about to be sick.”

He got better as the time went by…and at times, it felt like it went by extremely slow. Between the contractions and the nurses coming in and out of their room to check and see just where Clementine was at in her labor…which seemed to be progressing slowly. The time was spent rotating between walking around their room, which turned into walking down the halls to try and take her mind off of the pain from the contractions, which were getting stronger. And when it became too much for her to be able to walk around, she was back to staying in the room, close to the hospital bed to be monitored in case Dr. Warren came in and told them it was go time.

Every hour Tyson would update their families on how far along Clementine was and whether or not it was time for her to start pushing. And every hour from the moment they came into the hospital, he’d give them the same news– “slowly progressing, I’ll let you know when we get closer.” They found ways to pass the time of course, watching movies, playing UNO (even though Tyson would try and cheat like he always did when they were kids) and whenever she got the chance, Clementine would try and get a little bit of sleep to rest and prepare for when the time came that she’d need to start actively pushing.

On hour seven, making it 4pm that same afternoon, a nurse came into the room to do another check and then with a smile had told them the news they’d been waiting hours to hear– that she was fully dilated and  it was time to finally start pushing. Dr. Warren came into the room shortly after, as well as the rest of the labor and delivery team, assuring Tyson and Clementine that this was a time to be excited for and that the team was there to make it all go as smoothly as possible before they transferred them out of their booked room and into a labor and delivery room.

And that helped both of their nerves a little bit, but not much. Because in the end, this was something that they’d never experienced before and no amount of books, videos or friendly advice, could fully get rid of that anxiety they felt about how close they were to welcoming their daughter into their lives and into this world.

However, even after it was time to start pushing, things weren’t smooth sailing. Clementine felt supported with both the staff and of course Tyson by her side, Dr. Warren joining in the efforts in trying to coach her through the pushing, but pushing for a near two hours would wear anyone down, even someone who’d been through labor before– and for Clementine, it was starting to drain her more than anything. They changed breathing techniques, two nurses and Tyson helped move her both onto her side and even onto her hands and knees to switch positions to try and help before she asked to be put back down onto her back– but nothing was working.

“I can’t,” Clementine whined, resting her head down against the pillow and shaking her head. “Why isn’t she coming out? Is something wrong?”

“No, Clementine, everything’s fine,” Dr. Warren said, looking over the gown. “Sometimes this stage can take up to three hours, even for those who’ve had a baby or two. It’s just the progression.”

“But she’s okay, right?” Tyson asked, his right hand brushing the hair back off of Clementine’s forehead. “They’re both okay?”

“Yes, they’re both okay, both of their vitals are very good right now. And as long as they keep trending that way, we’ll go ahead and stick with your original plan of a vaginal birth.” Dr. Warren looked between the both of them, nodding slightly. “However, if we surpass the 18 hour mark and you’re still pushing, we might have to consider doing a c-section.”

Clementine squeezed Tyson’s hand she’d been holding and looked at him with wide eyes, starting to feel herself panic as she looked back at Dr. Warren and shook her head. “I didn’t research that, we didn’t– that’s not–”

“Clementine, I need you to try and calm your breathing, okay?” Dr. Warren said, looking at Tyson. “We’ve still got a long way to go before we hit the 18 hour mark, but I’m just informing you that it’s a possibility down the line, okay?”

Tyson reached over and adjusted the oxygen mask that Clementine had tugged down her chin, putting it back over her nose and mouth. “You need to keep that on and just breathe with me, okay?” He said, taking deep slow breaths and maintaining his eye contact. “Good, that’s good. Everything’s gong to be fine, Clem, I promise.” He had a smile on his face, but Clementine could see the worry in his eyes.

She tried to keep a countdown in her head as the time went by and she kept pushing whenever she was instructed to– but there was still that sliver of a doubt in her mind that their original birth plan was gong to be thrown out of the window for the new plan of a c-section. Which Tyson, bless his heart, tried to alleivate the stress by saying, “well, now we know that she’s already got your stubbornness.”

It was at least another hour of pushing and contractions of getting nowhere, before they started to near the end of hour eight, when something just felt different. Her contractions felt stronger and more frequent, and after every push, when Tyson would say words of support or brush her hair out of her face as she tried to focus on her breathing, she felt lighter.

“Clementine, I think we’re getting somewhere now,” Dr. Warren said, looking up from the sheet and nodding. “Go ahead and give me another push and we might just be able to see your baby’s head.”

Clementine nodded and tried to put to action what all of her lamaze classes had taught her. To focus her weight down, tuck her chin into her chest and take a deep breath as she pushed. “Ouch, shit,” Tyson said, quickly covering up his painful complaint with a cough. “Sorry, you’re doing great, just uh…keep squeezing my hand, mhhm.”

“You’re doing great, Clementine,” Nurse Taylor, who was holding onto Clementine’s right leg said, gently patting her knee. “Just keep pushing, you’ve got five seconds left.”

Those five seconds felt like a lifetime and when she heard Tyson countdown to zero, she let her body rest against her hospital bed, releasing her tight grip on his hand. “Sorry,” she frowned, looking at him as he took his hand back and quickly rubbed it.

“No, you’re fine, I promise,” he said, stretching his fingers before reaching back down and holding her hand, bringing it up to his mouth and kissing the back of it. “You could break it for all I care, as long as it helps you.”

“Okay Clementine, I can see the top of her head!” Dr. Warren said, sounding excited as she looked at Clementine with a smile. “If you can give me one big push, we just might be able to get her head out and then you’ll be holding your baby girl. Are you ready to do this?”

Clementine nodded, sitting herself up just slightly. “Hell yeah.”

Tyson laughed and leaned down, kissing the top of her head as he squeezed her hand. “That’s my girl, now come on Clem, you’ve got this.”

“Go ahead and push now,” Dr. Warren said, nodding her head before keeping her attention below the sheet line.

Maybe it was the fact that Dr. Warren had said she could only have to push two more times, but the countdown in this push felt like a lifetime as Clementine tried to put her very best effort into getting their daughter out of her body. Her left hand was squeezing Tysons and her right hand was gripping onto the sheets on her hospital bed as she shut her eyes, trying to gain control of her breathing.

“Almost there, Clementine, her head’s almost out!”

Tyson took the opportunity to lean down towards the end of the sheet, finding himself curious as to what was happening down there– even though he’d been advised by most of his friends and even online forums that there was a possibility that the sight would make him a little queasy and possibly need a chair. Curiosity killed the cat and he couldn’t help but let his eyes go wide as he saw exactly what Dr. Warren was just about to announce.

“Holy shit, Clem her head’s out!” He said, trying not to grimace in pain at the scene. “You should see this.”

“Kind of feeling it instead, Tyson,” Clementine huffed, squeezing his hand tighter, taking another deep breath and pushing at the guidance of nurse Taylor.

His jaw dropped as he saw their daughter basically slip into Dr. Warren’s hands and he realized that all of the forums were right– he definitely might need a chair, because he just saw their daughter be born into the world and just the plain idea of that was a doozy. “She’s here,” he spoke softly, looking back at Clementine with a beaming smile. “You did it, look at her!”

In an instant, all of the nurses went into action, one placing Bailey on Clementine’s chest as others helped Dr. Warren with whatever was happening beneath the blanket, not that Tyson wanted to ask or knew what it was. He returned back to Clementine’s side, letting go of her leg as he brushed back the hair out of her face once more and bent down, kissing her.

He never thought that the sound of a baby’s cry could bring him to tears, but the moment after the nurses started to suction fluid from her mouth and in turn it caused Bailey to cry– hearing the gurgling, high pitched and breathy cry…he had tears in his eyes.

“Dad, would you like to cut the cord?” Dr. Warren asked, taking his attention away from Clementine.

He nodded, letting go of Clem’s hand for the few seconds that it took for them to place a pair of funky looking scissors into his hand and show him where to cut the clamped cord. And once it was done, he was right there back at Clem’s side, looking at the two girls in his life that were amongst the top few that meant the most of him.

They were his girls, the two he knew he’d love the most for the rest of their lives.

There was so much going on around her, yet all Clementine could focus on what the newborn lying on her chest. The nurses were working around her hospital gown so Bailey could be placed more on her chest, while simulatenously trying their best to warm her up. Tyson had placed a hand on top of the hospital blanket the nurses draped over their newborn and he was kissing Clementine’s head and brushing her hair back as they both looked at their beautiful daughter, who had only cried once– the moment she was born– and had otherwise since been peacefully laying against Clementine’s chest.

It was when Tyson stood up from leaning over Clementine that she felt like maybe something was off. She blinked and blinked, wondering if maybe her eyes were just dry, but when she looked up to try and tell Tyson– her head felt heavy to move.

“Tyson,” she said, barely brushing the oxygen mask up off of her face and over her forehead as she kept her left hand on top of Bailey as well. “Tyson, take her.”

“What?” He asked, looking down at her with furrowed brows, too caught up in the excitement to have heard her the first time.

“Take,” Clementine nodded her head down towards Bailey as she tried to brush the oxygen mask back down her face, feeling her heart begin to race. “Take her.”

Alarms filled the room as a nurse brushed by Tyson and gently nudged him away from the side of her hospital bed, her co-worker on the other side of Clementine, making moves that she couldn’t focus on, but knew were happening since she felt someone slide the oxygen mask over her nose and mouth. “Keep breathing, Clementine, take deep breaths, okay?”

“What’s going on?” She heard Tyson ask, the fear in his voice evident. ““What’s happening? What’s wrong with her?”

“Tyson, her pressure’s dropping, but we’re doing everything we can right now,” Dr. Warren spoke matter of factly. “And I need you to follow nurse Nora here over towards the heating lamp and stay with your daughter while we take care of Clementine, okay?”

“Please, just– she’s going to be okay, right? She has to be okay,” Tyson paused, exhaling heavily. “Please…”

“We’ll do everything we can, sir. Now just follow me,” a nurse said, which must have been nurse Nora because while she was still fighting to keep her eyes open, Clementine a nurse carefully wrap the blanket over a now crying Bailey before lifting her off of her chest and walking away.

The sound of their daughters cry and the blurred vision of the yellow hospital blanket being the last thing Clementine saw before everything went dark.

She heard her breathing and Tyson talking before anything else. Her vision was still dark and as her hearing started to focus and she felt herself start to wake up, she realized that her eyes were closed. It took multiple blinks before she could even get her eyes to open just barely, her eyelids still felt a little heavy with each blink. But eventually, she was able to get them open and her vision to clear up to see that she was in her hospital room– the recovery room that they’d been in before she got wheeled off into labor and delivery.

And once the confusion started to pass, the panic set in. Why was she back in here? Where was Bailey? What happened? Did something go wrong? She moved her arms by her side and tried to push herself up in the hospital bed, immediately feeling her entire bottom half ache.

“Hold on mom, let me call you back, I think she’s waking up,” Tyson said, rushing over to her right bedside. “Hey, don’t try to move too much, what do you need?”

“Water,” she replied, clearing her throat and stopping her attempt at sitting herself up.

Tyson nodded and grabbed the cup and pitcher of water that was by her bedside, pouring her a cup of water before handing it to her. “Don’t drink too fast, you’ll make yourself sick.”

She rubbed her eyes as she slowly took a sip of her water, trying her best to keep blinking to keep her eyes from continuing to get dry. She looked up at Tyson as she brought her cup back down from her mouth, seeing the worried expression on his face. “Tys, what happened?”

“What do you remember?” He asked, reaching out and tucking some of her hair behind her ear.

“Um…” Clementine squinted her eyes, trying to figure out what she remembered last before sighing and shaking her head. “I remember feeling a little lightheaded, hearing you and then seeing a nurse take Bailey and then everything went dark.”

At the mere mention of their daughter, it was like she was jolted awake and she sat up quickly, looking around the room. “Bailey, where’s bailey?” She asked, looking at Tyson with worried eyes. “Is she okay? Was something wrong?”

“She’s okay, perfect even,” Tyson smiled softly, nodding his head before turning around and walking over towards the wall that was next to the couch beneath the window. He bent down just partially before standing back up and turning around, walking over to Clementine holding a bundled up yellow blanket. “Though I do have some bad news…”

“Wha–”

“My mom was right,” he carefully placed the sleeping newborn into Clementine’s arms and carefully pulled off the small pink hat that was on her head. “She’s got mine and Kacey’s blonde hair.”

Clementine reached out and softly hit his arm, never taking her eyes off of their daughter. “That wasn’t funny, I thought something was wrong with her.”

“You’re right, that was horribly timed,” he sighed, rolling a wheeled stool over to the side of the bed and sitting down, leaning against the hospital bed. “But don’t worry Clem, she’s perfect. I mean, I didn’t want to put her in her outfit yet, because I wanted you to see it, you know, so maybe her outfit isn’t perfect yet and I’m sure she’s cold…but otherwise Clem, she’s just perfect. All 8 pounds and 19 inches of her.”

She looked back down at Bailey and brushed her right thumb against Bailey’s plump cheeks, feeling the warmth of her skin against her own. She had quite a bit of hair, and of course, just like Laura had said it probably would be– it was blonde, though Clementine could see some twinges of brown in there. She had the same long, dark and thick eyelashes that Clementine and Tyson both had. Her eyes were closed, but it looked like she might have Tyson’s eye shape and lips, and it turns out he was right all those months ago– she did have Clementine’s nose. But Clementine was right too, because she had the same plump and pink cheeks that both Tyson and Kacey had when they were kids.

“Low blood sugar,” Tyson spoke, holding onto the pink hat in his fist. “You had low blood sugar, which dropped your pressure and then with the blood loss…it all just added up and you passed out. Scared the shit out of me too,” he had a hand on Clementine’s arm, softly brushing his thumb against it. “Everything went from sort of relaxed to everyone was suddenly rushing around the room and I just thought…”

Clementine could see his eyes were starting to water as he looked down at Bailey and she carefully move the arm he’d been resting his hand on top of and lifted it up, cupping the side of his face and brushing her thumb against his beard, trying to get his attention. “Tys I’m okay,” she whispered, carefully turning his chin towards her. “I’m okay, she’s okay…you can’t get rid of me that easily. Someone’s got to make sure Bailey here knows how to take care of her curls.”

Tyson laughed, rolling his eyes. “You don’t know she’ll have my curls.”

Her face deadpanned and she nodded down at the sleeping baby. “She’s basically your clone, Tys. Aside from my nose, she’s your twin. I spent nine months growing her and haven’t been able to see my toes the last three months, for her to look just like you.” She joked, smiling soon after. “Trust me, she’ll have your curls.”

He laughed again, looking down at Bailey before looking back at Clementine with the same worried look. “No more scaring me like that, got it?”

“Got it,” she nodded, moving her hand down the side of his neck and softly scratching his skin before moving it to the nape of his neck, running her fingers through his soft curls. “Now kiss me, please.”

“More than happy to,” he smiled, leaning in and closing the space between them with a kiss as he brought his hand that was holding Bailey’s little pink hat, up to her face and cradling the side of it. “You did so good, Clem,” he whispered, pulling back from their kiss just barely. “You’re a rockstar.”

“Mmm, I had the best support with me,” she smiled, kissing him again.

The sound of the tiniest gurgle pulled them both away from each other and brought their attention down to the previously sleeping baby wrapped in her yellow blanket. Bailey was squirming just slightly and pursing her lips, mouthing at something that wasn’t there as her eyes started to blink slowly before eventually she was opening them.

“Oh she’s so your twin, Tys. She’s got your eye shape,” Clementine laughed, reaching down and brushing her hand over Bailey’s soft blonde hair. “Hi Bailey, I’m your mommy.”

“I think she might be hungry,” Tyson said, sitting up and pressing the nurse call button. “They said that when she makes those cute faces, she’s either hungry or pooping.”

“Has she eaten yet?” Clementine asked, frowning slightly. “Did I miss it?”

“Mhhm, she hasn’t really shown any signs of being hungry,” he said, coming back next to her. “You’ve only been out for 20 minutes, Clem. So I called and updated everyone and Bails and I got some daddy daughter time while we waited for mommy to wake up, didn’t we Bails?” He cooed, bending down and kissing the newborn's head.

“Clementine, I’m glad to see you awake!” Dr. Warren said, walking into the room with an unfamiliar face behind her. “How are you feeling?”

“A little tired, and I have a slight headache,” Clementine said, lightly rocking Bailey in her arms. “But other than that I feel good.”

“That’s good, I’m very glad to hear,” Dr. Warren smiled, walking around and over to the machine that was taking her vitals. “I’m sure Tyson here told you, but you did lose consciousness shortly after birth. We’ve run some tests and ruled out anything that was serious, so I don’t want you to worry. Your blood sugar was low, which dropped your blood pressure and that combined with the blood loss in the delivery, you to lose consciousness. We did deliver the placenta and we’re going to have you stay here for an additional two days, just so we can keep an eye on you to make sure that the fainting was a one time thing.”

“Thank you so much, Dr. Warren,” Clementine said, looking up from Bailey and at her. “Really, thank you for helping deliver her and taking care of me.”

“It’s what I come to work for,” Dr. Warren smiled, nodding her head. “Now, I do recommend that you get something to eat! You guys can order in, have someone drop it off for you or you can check out the cafeteria downstairs, but I want you to eat something filling to get that blood sugar back up.”

“Yes ma’am, my mom is dropping off some food soon. She should be here in ten minutes,” Tyson nodded, taking his phone out of his pocket.

“I’ll be around sometime later just to check on you again to see if there’s any complications, just routine so don’t worry. But for right now,” Dr. Warren motioned towards the woman who’d come into the room with her. “This is Dr. Kara, she’s a lactation specialist and will be giving you some pointers on breastfeeding if that’s something you’re interested in.”

“Thank you again, Dr. Warren,” Clementine nodded as Dr. Warren walked out of the room and Dr. Kara came up to the left of her bed. “Hi Dr. Kara, thanks for helping me.”

“Of course and congratulations on your new addition,” she smiled, placing down a small stack of pamphlets on Clementine’s bedside table. “Now I understand you had a little bit of a bump there after delivery, so I can always come back if you’re not feeling up to it. If you are, I’m more than willing to help you walk through the process of breastfeeding. If you’re not, I can always come back and I brought some pamphlets for you to read and gain some insight on the process.”

“I’m feeling okay,” Clementine nodded, holding Bailey close to her. “I think I’m up to learn right now, if that’s okay.”

“That’s great,” Dr. Kara smiled. “Now let’s go ahead and try to get this little cutie fed.”

Their first night as a family of three went by pretty great. Aside from the frequent nurse visits throughout the night to check on both Clementine and Bailey, their night was filled with tons of cuddles, diaper changes and feedings. When Clementne was fast asleep, Tyson took that time to hold and cuddle with Bailey, and soaking up all the time that he could before their families came to visit tomorrow- where he knew that they would give their grandparents as much time to hold the first great-grandchild, that they wanted. They’d both taken some pictures, but hadn’t sent them off or posted any, wanting their families to see Bailey in person first, versus in a picture.

The next morning, they tried to figure out what their schedules would look like every morning when trying to maintain a routine for themselves and Bailey included. A nurse had helped Clementine shower and get changed while Tyson carefully changed Bailey’s dirty diaper and then put her into a sunflower newborn footie pajama set that came complete with a little knit bow headband as well. It was an outfit that Kacey had bought and one that Bailey hadn’t exploded a diaper in yet– seeing as the one time Tyson didn’t double check to make sure the diaper was on tight enough, was the one time that Bailey had blown it out.

It was most definitely a learning experience for them both, one that every diaper change since, had them double checking to make sure it was on good enough before they’d dress her up again.

Now showered and dressed, they just waited in their recovery room for a text from their families that they’d arrived at the hospital. Clementine was dressed in the pajama set and robe Tyson had gifted her as one of her push presents. And despite her telling him he didn’t have to, while they waited, Tyson had announced that he’d gotten her two more push presents– one was a 14k white gold ring that had Bailey Frances engraved on it, a ring that he’d have to take in to get her birth date engraved on the inside. The other was a newborn and family photoshoot next week once they got settled in.

When he got a text from his mom that they were there, Tyson quickly kissed both Bailey and Clem goodbye, telling her that he’d be right back before he left the room to go pick them up from reception and leaving Clementine alone with Bailey for the first time.

She felt herself start to grow nervous, but not at the fact that she was now a mom or that she had a daughter– but a nervous sort of excitement that she was getting ready to introduce their tiny budle of joy to the people that loved them most. The ones that raised them and saw their friendship and relationship blossom from the very beginning. Most importantly, she was going to introduce their daughter to Nana and Papa– the two people who took her in at one of her most vulnerable and defensless moments, who loved her and raised her like she was their own daughter and who turned her into the woman she was today…and the kind of parent she hoped to be.

She heard the door to their room open and seconds later, the privacy curtain that closed around the door was pulled open, revealing Tyson and the rest of their anxiously waiting family. “Hi guys,” Clementine smiled as Tyson ushered them all into the room.

“How are you feeling?” Laura asked, walking over to the right side of her bed and giving her a side hug.

“Better, definitely much better,” Clementine nodded, accepting the hugs from her grandparents as well as Tyson’s and Kacey. “The staff has been looking after us pretty good, plus Tyson’s been like my own personal nurse too.”

“And food order boy,” Tyson laughed, standing at the end of the hospital bed. “We should be uber eats number one customers now.”

The smallest sound filled the short silence after Tyson was done speaking, bringing attention to the newborn lying in Clementine’s arms. Clementine smiled, adjusting the small headband that was on her head and looked at their families. “Everyone, this is Bailey,” she tilted her arms just slightly so everyone could get a view of the barely awake newborn. “Bailey, this is your family.”

“Oh my God, she looks just like Tyson,” Kacey said, coming around the side of the bed and leaning slightly. “Not the nose though, she’s definitely got your nose.”

“So?” Clementine smiled, looking at them all. “Who wants to hold her first?”

“Frances and Howard, why don’t you two go first,” Laura said, motioning towards them.

Tyson walked over to the side, bending down and carefully picking up Bailey so her Nana and Papa didn’t have to bend down to pick her up. “Alright, Bails, this is your Nana Frances and Papa Howard,” he spoke softly, turning around to face them and carefully handed Bailey off to Nana before sitting down just at the end of Clementine’s hospital bed with a smile.

“Oh she’s so cute,” Nana smiled, holding the bundled up newborn against her as Papa stood close to her, resting his hand towards the bottom of her blanket. “Well hi there, Bailey. I’m your Nana and this is your Papa and we are so excited to finally meet you.”

“And we love you very, very much,” Papa chimed in, nodding down at the newborn before clearing his throat and nonchalantly wiping at his right eye to try and wipe away the forming tears. He looked down at Clementine, who was herself quickly on her way to crying and bent down, kissing the top of her head and wrapping his arms around her as best as he could, giving her a hug. “You did a damn good job, Clem and we love you so much.”

“I love you too, Papa,” Clementine sniffled, burying her face into his shoulder as she tried to keep herself from breaking down into tears. “Thank you both for everything.”

He pulled back, kissing the top of her head once more as he smiled, staying close to her and speaking softly. “And we’d do it again without a single hesitation. You are the greatest thing to ever happen to us.”

Once he stood up, Nana handed Bailey off onto Papa where he got to hold her and talk to her for a few moments. And the pattern stayed the same. Papa passed her off onto Tyson’s grandma, then his grandpa, then Laura and then finally Kacey– who was the last one to get to hold her before she made her way back into Tyson’s arms.

There was so much love in the room, that it was hard to keep her tears from falling every other minute. It was all that Clementine had hoped for, a loving environment for their daughter from the very beginning– something stable and filled with people who only wanted the best for Bailey. And sitting in that room, taking pictures and having the walls filled with laughter and love, it was already that and so much more.

Bailey Frances Jost was possibly the most loved person in the room, but she was forsure…by far, the luckiest.

New Addition

Clementine never really understood the whole “time is a thief” saying. That’s what she read in all of the books, the forums, or hearsay from her friends and family– “time flies by, it’s a thief and you’re going to never know it’s happening until one day you do.” It just never really made sense to her, because for all purposes, time just seemed to be moving by very slow– dragging on if you will.

Until Bailey rolled over for the first time.

Suddenly, Bailey wasn’t the tiny 8 pound baby they brought home from the hospital, but was instead now a little over 12 pounds, her dark blue eyes were now starting to darken into what would most likely be the same shade of brown as Tysons and her hair was going on the same path Tyson’s had gone when he was a baby– staying blonde and straight.

She was starting to raise her head and chest during tummy time whenever she heard Tyson or Clementine talk, and if someone were playing with her and holding a toy she had any interest in (which most of those were Fudge’s toys), she would make grabby hands towards them. Tyson’s favorite thing to do was helping her stand up and getting her to bonce on her feet, often earning a giggle from her. She loved bath time, babbled the most whenever Fudge was around and absolutely loved it whenever anyone tickled her feet or her belly.

Going on four months with Bailey in their lives and having been back in Minnesota for almost two months, life by no means was easy. The season had officially started two weeks earlier, just five days after Bailey turned four months old. While they didn’t have their immediate family down in the states to help around the house, they did have their hockey family– all of them more than willing to help Clementine and Tyson adjust to life with a baby during the hockey season. It was a big group that was more like family that the two of them were extremely grateful for. Especially since Clementine was set to return back to work at the end of the month– her sub replacement making sure to add her into emails of what was going on at the school and keeping her in the loop of the students who would come to her office.

But until then, Clementine still had two more weeks left of staying at home with Bailey and Tyson to soak up all of the time she had left before she was set to go back to work, and Bailey would go to the rink with Tyson on days when he was home and if he was on a road trip, Clementine would drop her off with Danielle, who was more than willing to help them out until Bailey was old enough and Clementine and Tyson both were comfortable enough to drop her off at the childcare program at the school, where some of the other teachers had their kids enrolled.

“Tyson, her hat,” Clementine sighed, holding out the small beanie hat that had fallen onto the ground. “I don’t want her ears getting cold.”

“Oops, got it,” Tyson said, stopping just at the brink of the ice and stepping off to the side in the bench area, grabbing the hat. “We don’t need Bails to get cold red ears, do we Bails?” He cooed, entertaining Bailey as he put the small hat onto her head.

“There, now she’s all bundled up,” Clementine smiled, squeezing Bailey’s shoe covered foot as she leaned in and kissed her plump cheek. “And ready for her first ever skate with daddy, aren’t you?”

Bailey smiled and kicked her feet as she was snuggled up in the baby carrier wrap that Clementine was currently wearing. “Ga ga ga ga,” she babbled, wiggling in the carrier.

“I’m telling you Clem, she’s going to say dada first, she’s this close,” Tyson said, stepping out onto the ice and standing off to the side, holding out his hand to help her onto the ice. “Bailey’s a daddy’s girl, aren’t you Bailey?” He smiled, tickling the side of the carrier and getting her to smile.

“Maybe she’ll say mama,” Clementine teased, holding onto Tyson’s hand as she rested another hand on the back of Bailey’s carrier, keeping her close. “Ga ga can end up turning to mama, you never know.”

The two slowly skated around the rink as his teammates and their friends skated around them with their children and significant others. The first family skate of the season had Tyson exploding with excitement. Eagerly counting down the days until this moment, Tyson was eager to get to the arena today– Bailey all bundled up in some little leggings and a Minnesota Wild longsleeved dress that Clementine had foud on Etsy and bought for her, and a small white beanie to keep her head warm– that he struggled to even get her carseat out of the car.

“I’d always wanted to participate in one of these and yeah, you and I got to do one…” Tyson said, looking around the rink before looking at her and Bailey. “But it’s a little more special now that we’ve got Bails to share it with.”

“And then when she gets a little older, you’ll be able to help her skate around too,” Clementine smiled, nodding off at Jon Merrill’s youngest daughter, who up ahead was using one of the skating aids, along with Jon skating beside her. “And maybe by then, I’ll be sitting in the bench area with another little one and we’ll be cheering on Bailey and daddy.”

Tyson looked at her, a slightly hungry look in his eyes as he smiled. “Are you saying you want to start trying for baby number two?”

“Right now? Absolutely not,” Clementine snorted, shaking her head. “I want to soak up at least a year and a half, maybe two years of just Bailey time before we try for another baby.”

“Kacey and I are two years apart, well…just under two years, more like 23 months,” he said, letting go of her hand and wrapping her arm around his waist. “And you see how close Kacey and I are. Imagine Bails getting a best friend of her own.”

“I think it would drive Fudge absolutely crazy,” Clementine laughed, holding onto one of Bailey’s hands that had come out of the side of her carrier. “Bailey already wants to steal all of her toys, imagine if she had two babies trying to steal her toys!”

“Simple, we just buy Fudge more toys,” he shrugged, a playful smile on his face.

“Tyson–”

“I’m kidding Clem, I know what you’re saying,” he said, reaching over and adjusting Bailey’s hat. “And I agree, I’d like to get as much time with it being just Bailey for a while before we have another baby. Then we’ll think and talk about giving this little cutie a baby brother or sister, won’t be Bails? Would you want a sibling to boss around?”

Bailey was leaning her head back slightly against her carrier, smiling and poking her tongue out as she look at Tyson. “Ba!”

“Then it’s settled,” he nodded, leaning in and kissing her cheek. “We’re going to soak up all of the Bailey cuddles and kisses we can until then.”

Bailey just wiggled in her carrier, babbling as Clementine and Tyson doted all of the attention on her. And it was when Clementine needed to go to the bathroom that they stepped off of the ice and she transferred the carrier to Tyson, who by now was an expert at wearing it, considering there were days Clementine would come home to Tyson doing chores around the house wearing it with Bailey in it…or catch him on the tailend of a walk with Fudge, also wearing it.

“Say bye, Mama,” Tyson smiled, holding onto Bailey’s hand and waving it towards Clementine. “Daddy and I are going to go skate laps around the rink!”

“Bye sweetie,” Clementine laughed, waving at Bailey. “And Tyson–”

“I know, no racing or doing anything reckless,” he patted the carrier with a big smile. “Baby on board.”

Clementine nodded as Tyson skated away from the bench area, now fully wearing the baby carrier with Bailey inside of it. While she still needed to go to the bathroom, she waited right there in the bench area to watch Bailey and Tyson skate half a lap. She could see them clear across the ice, Tyson playing with her in the carrier and talking to her as he passed by some teammates, not hesitating to show off the cute four month old or stopping to let them talk and play with her. She couldn’t help but smile as she kept watching before Tyson and Bailey made their way back towards her, where Tyson had slowed down and started to wave towards her again before pointing in her direction for Bailey to look. And when Bailey did, though she was probably more focused on Tyson, she smiled and giggled as Tyson kept waving and saying “say hi to mama!”

The feeling that she had in her chest– the strong, overwhelming, warm feeling of love and happiness that she felt from watching the two of them together– watching Tyson go from a silly boy to a determined teenager, to a loving man and into a supportive, loving and doting husband a father, and watching Bailey experience the love of their family and friends, knowing she’d never have to worry about experiencing what Clementine did as a toddler…it was almost too much, but in a good way.

She would never get over watching their friends try to make Bailey giggle, or watch Bailey play with Fudge’s toys. How Fudge would sleep at the end of the bed still, but her face would now be facing the way that Bailey’s bedside bassinet was on. Watching Kacey try to entice Bailey into walking or making her giggle by teasing Tyson. Listening to Laura talk about how much Bailey reminded her of Tyson as a baby and giving Clementine advice on what to do in the case she turned out exactly like Tyson. Seeing his grandparents play peek-a-boo or sing songs to her. And watching her own grandparents rock her in their arms and read to her just like they had done for Clementine as a child.

There would never be a single moment or a single day where Clementine saw herself ever growing tired of watching the amount of love for their daughter, play out in their day to day life. And it was a feeling that often reminded her of her a quote from her all time favorite book, ‘The Truth About Forever’ by Sarah Dessen. It was when Macy, the main character had just kissed Wes, an artistic boy who had lost his mother to cancer and had rebelled after the fact, sending him to a reform school. The two had grown close and after back and forth and building friendship and feelings the whole book, in the end, it’s Wes, not her boyfriend, who she chooses to be with in the end. He had asked her a single question– what she would do if she could do anything in the world, and her reply was a simple kiss. But it was what followed that made this quote remind Clementine of that overwhelming feeling of love she felt.

“As for me, I was just trying to get it right, whatever that meant. But now I finally felt I was on my way. Everyone had a forever, but given a choice, this would be mine. The one that began in this moment, with Wes, in a kiss that took my breath away, then gave it back- leaving me astounded, amazed and most of all, alive.”

That’s how she felt looking at their little family, especially Bailey. She felt alive in the way that the infant would smile when she heard their voices or giggle at the lightest touch of her tummy. How she’d stick her tongue out as if she was trying to lick her lips. When she would fall asleep on their chests so effortlessly, and so willingly, because she knew she was safe with them. She’d been alive and living live all of this time, and every so often, something would happen that would remind her that she was so– getting into college, dating Tyson, getting accepted into an abroad for her masters, marrying Tyson, adopting Fudge, meeting her half-siblings…having Bailey.

Every moment between the time Adelisa had dropped her off onto Nana and Papa’s porch that cold August night and now, a comfortable October night in Minnesota where she was with her adoring husband and her beautiful and happy baby girl…all of it was a stepping stone, a part of her forever, a piece of her story that one day she would share with their children. A lesson that life had its ups and downs, but it was what you made of them that determined just how much of life you could make your own.

A reminder to be alive in both the big and small moments, because they all play a role in life.

A lesson to feel alive in what they do– to find the things and the people that they enjoy and love the most.

Sarah Dessen had said it best. Life could be long or short– but it was all in how you chose to live it. Because forever was always changing so it was important to make every second count. And that’s what she wanted for their children, for them to live their lives to the fullest, to laugh and cry and love to their fullest hearts desire.

Just like like the guidance counselor at her school had done for her, she was passing on the knowledge that she learned, that the circumstances they were dealt do not limit them to the endless possibilities that are out there for them to grab. And it was written on a sign on her wall just above her desk, big enough for everyone who walks through her office door to see almost immediately. A reminder of sorts.

“Life can be long or short, it all depends on how you choose to live it. It’s like forever, always changing. For any of us, forever could end in an hours, or a hundred years from now. You can never know for sure, so you’d better make every second count. What you have to decide is how you want your life to be. If your forever was ending tomorrow, is this how you’d want to have spend it.”

Her students had always asked her what her answer was to the question on her sign– “Mrs. Jost, what’s your answer?”

And Clementine’s answer was always the same. 

Yes.

Forever could end at any moment, and right now, she was content with how her’s had been. She was married to the love of her life and best friend, shared a beautiful daughter with the same man, she had a job that she loved, a beautiful home, a loving dog and was continuing to make changes in the lives of the students of the school that she worked at.

Her forever had started in late August 2003, when Nana and Papa had taken her in at just five-years-old, lonely, cold and starting to forget what the love of a mother had been. And in the 20 years since, she had experienced parental love, the love of her friends, family and the special love of a man who she knew would do anything for her. And there was more of forever that she had to go, had to live and experience, but all that mattered to her now was that she would take whatever forever had to give, just as long as she had Tyson, Bailey and Fudge by her side.

[sukirichi]

“your hair is really soft” – jjk ver!

ft. itadori yuuji, gojo satoru, fushiguro megumi, nanami kento, ryoumen sukuna, & inumaki toge

ITADORI YUUJI – you’re in the room with Yuuji, who is busy watching the movies gojo-sensei had given him. He holds the cursed corpse in his other side, careful not to let him hit you, while your head lies on his shoulder, eyes drooping close from your long day. Yuuji turns the volume down and brings you closer to him until you’re practically sitting on his lap, his lips making brief contact at the crown of your head while he mumbles sweet nothings, too engrossed in the movie.

You smile at his sweet gesture, gently fisting the front of his jacket while you return the affection, kissing the edges of his jaw softly to not distract him too much. Yuuji’s lips tilt at the soft press of your lips on his warm skin. Soon, your hands rake up to his hair where your nails rake his scalp. Immediately, Yuuji deflates like a balloon as he purrs at the movement, making you chuckle in your sleepy daze.

“Your hair is really soft,” you note, and his eyes practically sparkle. Yuuji was a huge fan of hair gels and hair products, that his desk was filled with different brands all so he could keep his hair perfectly styled – in that somewhat natural, messy appeal. You love it on him and he melts at the fact you’ve noticed his efforts into taking care of himself. Most of all, the feeling of the smooth tendrils running past your fingertips like caressing a field of flowers lulls both you and him to a serene state.

GOJO SATORU – Like Yuuji, Gojo takes his time in styling his hair. You brush your teeth beside Gojo, who scowls as he struggles to keep his hair up the way he likes before he puts on his blindfold. The lanky man groans and adds more product, flattening the strands of his hair between his palms before swooping it up. When it falls down, Gojo whines, leaning forward on the sink counter.

You chuckle to yourself; he could be so dramatic sometimes. Bumping your hip with his, you gesture at him to move, and the big baby pouts before placing his chin on your shoulder as he watches you gargle. “Babe,” he sniffles, arms wrapping around your middle before his nose nuzzles into your skin. You giggle and push him away; the little bastard knew you were ticklish there. “My hair won’t stick up the way I want it to. Now I don’t look so cool anymore. What would my students say? That Gojo-Sensei stopped being attractive?”

That earns him an eye roll and a playful smack to his shoulder. “Ow!” Gojo rubs his shoulder with another pout, although both of you know nothing ever really hurts the strongest jujutsu sorcerer. “You’re mean.”

“And you’re just fishing for compliments.”

When Gojo hides his smirk behind his palm, you know you’ve hit the nail right on the head. Gojo was probably the most self-assured and overconfident man you’ve ever met – the day he thought lowly of himself and worried about anything concerning him that would ruin his “image” would be the day pigs could fly. Nevertheless, you give in with a sigh, extending your palm towards him.

“Give me the gel. I’ll fix your hair for you.”

“You’re a lifesaver, babe!” Obediently, Gojo crouches down so you could reach his hair, but not before muttering “shorty” under his breath. You tug at his hair harshly than you intended as payback, and Gojo only lets out a loud, fake moan before doubling over.

Your laughter and his bubble and echo through the cramped room, but both of you don’t mind. It’s moments like these you cherish with your whole heart even though it’s not extremely sweet or anything over the top. Dating a jujutsu sorcerer, the strongest one at that, wasn’t always rainbows and unicorns. You worry for him all the time and stay up awake all night, only ever finding peace in your sleep when he comes home safely – which he always does.

Still, you don’t stop worrying for him. It’s only natural, after all, and the way Gojo’s eyes soften as you slightly massage his scalp and style his hair for him lets you know he loves small moments like this too when both of you are completely alone in your own worlds, just enjoying each other’s presence and not having to think about anything else.

“Your hair is really soft,” you muse, unaware of the way Gojo’s closed his eyes as he lets your hand do the magic. When the familiar scent of vanilla and flowers wafts into your senses, you lean down closer to him to sniff his hair, stopping in your movements. “That’s odd. You smell like shampoo, but I haven’t bought that scent in a week.”

“Well, I may or not be the one who emptied it the last time,” he sheepishly chuckles.

“Gojo! That shampoo was really expensive!”

“Yeah, but I wanted to smell like you,” he coos, gently peeling your arms off him so he could hug you. Because of the height difference, you face plant into his bare chest where his skin is still warm from the shower. You keep feigning your irritation, but really, you squish your cheek above his heart, and Gojo’s chest rumbles as he laughs – he knows you can’t resist him. “Sorry about it babe, let’s go grocery shopping tonight when I come home, yeah?”

“You better buy your own shampoo,” you grumble, but Gojo only laughs.

  FUSHIGURO MEGUMI – Megumi is hunched over his desk, eyebrows pinched together while his hands move at an extreme speed. He’s studying while you scroll through memes on your phone, not wanting to disturb your boyfriend. Megumi is studious as ever, and it’s not that you aren’t, but you’re definitely a lot more relaxed than he is. 

You often tease him that you’ve got amazing memory by tapping your forehead whenever he tells you to study with him, which only makes him huff, but in reality, you refuse to study with him because he’s so distracting.

The way he bites his lip when he’s concentrated on something has your stomach erupting with butterflies, and it doesn’t help when his dark blue eyes pierce through the pages like the poor textbook committed a crime he couldn’t forgive.

All in all, Megumi’s beauty tripled tenfold when he was dedicated to something, and it was this fact that had you keeping your distance from him while he studies, because the last thing he needs is to have you jump him when he’s got an exam to prepare for. Unbeknownst to him, you’re angling your phone upwards until his beautiful side profile comes to view – and it’s so unfair his lashes are longer and thicker than yours – and you take a silent snap.

You take a few more pictures with a silent giggle, making sure to set it as your lock screen later. Nothing better than waking up to Megumi’s face every time your alarm went off, but your daydreaming is halted when Megumi drops his pen with a loud sigh.

“I know you’re taking pictures of me,” he side-eyes you with a glare. You squeak before hiding your phone behind you, knowing that it’s not out of the picture for Megumi to steal them and delete his precious photos. It didn’t help he knows your password either (duh, it’s his birthdate) so you take the extra mile by offering him a sickeningly sweet smile, an apology ready to leave your lips when – “If you wanted my attention that badly, you could’ve just said so. I don’t mind taking a break or something.”

Although he sounds annoyed, the way he avoids your gaze to hide his reddened cheeks and ears say otherwise. Megumi’s back faces you as you wait patiently on his bed. You don’t want to bother him – you really don’t – so you stay put, and Megumi sighs for the hundredth time that night before spinning on his chair, arms stretched out wide open. “Come. Want hugs.”

He keeps his gaze on his lap to swallow the embarrassment of using baby-like words, which was a huge contrast from his quiet and cold persona. You don’t mind though. Deep down, Megumi is like everyone else who wants constant affection, so you leap out of his bed and jump into his arms. Megumi relaxes with your weight on top of him before he squishes his cheeks against your boobs – one of his quirks that you found endearing – a sign that he just wanted to relax for a little while.

Megumi isn’t really that huge on touch, so moments like this where he allows himself to be physically intimate with you has you floating on cloud nine. You hear him sigh between you, and you hide your grin by pushing his hair back to reveal those pretty eyes of his, beckoning him to look you in the eye.

As expected, his cheeks flush a beet red at the intensity of your gaze, but what really catches your attention is how his eyes just brighten even though they’re lined with dark circles. 

This precious boy means everything to you, and you cup his face until your noses are rubbing. “Love you, Gumi,” you whisper, the boy’s breath hitching when your eyelashes flutter against his skin. Megumi tsks, a faux scowl on his face because both of you are painfully aware that he just melts around you.

“Stop teasing me. You know I don’t like that.”

“I’m not teasing you,” you lie, brushing his hair back in a soothing manner to help him relieve the headache he gets when he studies too much. “You know, your hair is really soft. Can I keep doing this?”

Megumi hates it when people touch his hair, so you expect him to say no – and you’ll gladly respect it – but instead, he pushes you closer and murmurs, “Don’t stop doing that.”

You smile so wide you fear your face would break.

  NANAMI KENTO – You’ve always been fascinated with your co-worker. You don’t know what it is about the sharp-faced and stoic Nanami Kento that somehow makes him stand out from the rest. It’s not like he was smarter or better than anyone, although you do admit Nanami overworks most of the time.

It’s kind of pathetic you’ve been crushing on him ever since your first day of work. Maybe it’s because he worked with virtue and wishes to actually be honest instead of just sucking the money out of others. Maybe it’s because seeing him visit a bakery every after work makes him seem softer and a lot more human than his seemingly unapproachable nature. Whatever it was, you can’t explain why you’re so enamoured with the blond, or why you have the audacity to suddenly card your fingers through his hair at his desk that time.

You were told by your boss to give him this folder – quick, easy, and simple. But Nanami has this effect on you that he makes your brain go brr every time you go closer to him. You blame it on the fact both of you are alone at the office right now for OT, but when Nanami freezes under your touch, you realize the grave consequences of your actions.

As if you’ve touched something boiling hot – and he kind of is – you retract your arm and bow so deep you feel a vertebrae popping air. “I’m so sorry!” you begin to blabber, bowing repeatedly to the point your hair has become a mess. You can’t even look him in the eye – what were you thinking?! “I didn’t mean to, it’s just your hair looked really nice and soft and I couldn’t help myself! If you want to tell the higher-ups about this harassment and get me fired, I promise I won’t mind. In fact, I’ll take this to my grave and even offer my firstborn child as an apology—”

“Y/N.”

“because I’ve done something so horrendous and oh my gosh, I was just eating donuts and I probably got crumbs in your pretty hair—”

“Y/N,”

“And that’s really so low of me. Uh, actually, I may or may not have spent last month’s salary to buy my niece a huge ass dollhouse, but I’d gladly schedule a hair appointment for you—” you stop your words when you feel huge, calloused hands squishing your cheeks together until your lips are puckered out like a fish. Nanami stands before you, looking as handsome as ever, and that thought only has you panicking more and withdrawing. “I’m so sorry.”

Nanami sighs, pulling away to give you some space. You try to fight back the whine because not only did you look ridiculous under him, but also because you actually missed his touch.

“It’s fine. I don’t mind,” he takes the folder from you, pauses, then tilts his head to the side. “You think my hair is soft?”

“Uhm,” you blink rapidly, “Y-yes. Your hair is really pretty too. In fact, everything about you is pretty, like your hands when you type in paperwork but – I’m talking too much aren’t I?” you laugh nervously, scratching the back of your head. “I’m sorry. I tend to ramble when I’m nervous.”

“I make you nervous?” Nanami doesn’t sound like he believes it.

“Yeah,” you confess, switching your weight from one foot to another. At this point, you’ve given up on asking him out for coffee this weekend because you’re sure he’s labelled you as an idiot now. Not that it’s surprising though; not only does Nanami keep to himself out of social aversion, but you’re also pretty loud and awkward, a huge contrast to someone as well-put as him. “Anyways, uh,” you clear your throat, gesturing to your cubicle. “Now that you’ve got the file, I’m gonna go do my part. See you later, I guess. Or not. You can go home first you want. I’ve got quite a lot on my plate.”

“I’ll wait for you.”

“Sorry?”

Nanami organizes his desk one last time before following you to your desk. “I’m done with my part and it’s late. It’s not safe for you to walk home alone,” he glances at his watch, “I’ll wait for you until you’re done and walk you back home. That way, I don’t have to worry about your safety tonight,” he plops down on the empty seat next to yours, crossing his arms on his broad chest. “Take all the time you need. Just wake me up when you’re done.”

Just like that, Nanami dozes off, exhausted from a long day of hard work. You, on the other hand, are more energized than ever as you suddenly find a strong wave of motivation you’ve never had before.

Maybe you don’t mess up everything, after all.

  RYOUMEN SUKUNA – He groans when you giggle at him, using your small, dainty hands to brush it through his hair. Sukuna liked to sleep in and it was only seven in the morning, meaning he’s supposed to be still lost in dreamland with thoughts about you and your cute little face. But because you’re an annoying brat who’s an early bird and way too cheerful as a morning person, you’re wide awake when the sun shone through the windows, and you’re gently coaxing him awake by rotating your fingers through his hair.

“Your hair is really soft.”

“Stop that,” he complains, but doesn’t really do anything to push you away. “It’s too early. Go back to bed.”

“But I’m already awake,” you tease, proving your point by taking off his covers and patting his chest. “Come on, let me make you breakfast. Maybe we can go out today and go see a movie, what do you think? It’s my day off so we better make use of it!”

“Exactly, it’s a day off,” he growls the last part, surprising you when his strong hands grip your thigh and drag you beside him. Soon enough, Sukuna has you trapped in his muscular arms until you can’t move anymore. “Let’s just stay the whole day in bed. Plus, I’m the one making breakfast. There’s no way you’re still cooking for me on your day off.”

“But I love cooking for you.”

“I know, but it’s my turn now,” he huffs through your hair. Sukuna’s grip loosens around you a bit to give you room to breathe, but he’s taken aback when you only snuggle closer to him to the point your legs and tangled and your body is warm from his heat. You don’t have to say it out loud to tell him you’ve conceded to his wishes.

As always, Sukuna is right. It feels much better to just let go of time and enjoy this moment. And he smells so good, feels so warm, that you’re unable to stop yourself from burrowing closer onto his body until you’re sure you’re about to start smelling like him later.

Of course, Sukuna likes the thought of that, so he sweeps one arm behind to tug the covers back over your bodies. He kisses your temple, and with a low, husky voice, grumbles, “Let’s go back to sleep, then we’ll do everything you want later, okay? I just want to stay in bed with you a little longer.”

For a guy who was considered heartless and barbaric, he sure turned into putty in your hands.

  INUMAKI TOGE – The platinum haired boy lays on your lap, the wire of headphones dangling beside you both. You’re thankful Inumaki has his eyes closed, because the last thing you want him to see is how embarrassed and giddy you are at that moment.

You and Inumaki have been friends for years, meaning you’ve been hiding your crush on him for a painfully long time. He’s recently made a Spotify playlist with an innocent text of, “I made you a playlist of all the songs that reminds me of you,” which leads you both to your current predicament. It’s a rather lazy weekend and Gojo-sensei isn’t around to bother any of you, so you’re in Inumaki’s room, careful not to bounce your legs out of habit to not give the poor boy a headache.

You snap back to life when Inumaki squeezes your thigh, and you’re met with azure eyes looking back up at you. “Mustard leaf?” he points to your face, which has been previously constricted and heated from his close proximity. It isn’t the first time you and Toge have cuddled, but it’s been too long and you’re standing at the edge of a dangerous cliff with the desire to tell him you like him.

Inumaki must’ve thought you’re uncomfortable with his weight on you because he begins to sit up. “Oh, no, no!” you coax him back down despite his questioning eyes, a wide grin replacing your flustered state to conceal it. “Its’s fine, really. I was just vibing with the songs.”

He hums, not completely believing it, but he doesn’t want to push either. Soon, he settles into your lap again and makes you lose your mind when his breath starts to tickle your kneepads now that he’s facing behind you.

Your heart just about combusts, and before you know it, Inumaki has fallen asleep while the theme of Howl’s Moving Castle plays. Once his breathing regulated into a steady rhythm, you reach out to brush his hair back and lightly add some pressure for better sleep. You know Inumaki lies that, and you smile to yourself when he leans into your touch even in his slumber.

“Your hair is so soft,” you say mostly to yourself, leaning down to kiss his the crown of his head, making Inumaki sigh contentedly. Gosh, you love him so much.

Now isn’t the time but...hopefully, one day you could tell him how you feel. Even if he rejects you, you hope you could still be friends even after that awkward encounter –

You freeze as the next song comes on. I.F.L.Y by Bazzi comes on, and just as you cover your mouth to silence your gasps, you hear the faintest snickers coming from Inumaki before he goes back to “snoring.”

“Toge! Were you awake the whole time?!”

[beauty-and-passion]

I think Thomas needs a dedicated community manager or something if he doesn't want to face criticism directly or is too busy to give updates on what he's working on every week. One thing I particularly don't like is how it feels like he schedules the livestreams almost last minute, especially for weekdays in the evening for him, but at incredibly awkward times for other zones, often falling in the middle of the workday or late at night. This is particularly egregious for the writer's rooms, which aren't archived for people who can't attend live and makes me wonder why I am paying him $25 a month for a "bonus" that I can't participate in or even see what I missed, and that occurs less than monthly. I understand that he's busy and things slip through the cracks, but this is a pattern now and it seems so haphazardly slapped together that it feels like the Patreon is no longer a priority for him. I definitely feel like he was much more consistent about doing monthly livestreams when he was doing them for the YouTube members for $5 a month with no bonuses, and at least those were archived for months until he switched to Patreon.

Sorry for the rant but these frustrations have been building up more and more. It's been two years since the Patreon started, Thomas and his crew should have had things better organized by now, or at least give the Patreon patrons some actual updates instead of spending all of his time on Twitter.

I understand your frustration and it makes sense that, after two years, you expect some more organization.

There could be a lot of reasons why Thomas' Patreon is still so disorganized: maybe Mr. Sanders doesn't have the actual time to work on it, he's too busy with other projects or he just doesn't feel like doing it.

And it's a real shame, because a lot of people use Patreon in great ways. I am not an expert, but as far as I know, some creators use it regularly and make it worth every cent people are paying. Some give updates about the progress of their works, including the most technical aspects (materials, softwares, editing, hiring process etc). Others show a lot of behind-the-scenes or post small previews of their projects before the full thing comes out. Others use it to talk with their followers and develop a stronger relationship.

There are a lot of possibilities and it’s very sad Mr. Sanders doesn't want to make the most of them. His Patreon doesn't give me the idea of a place regularly checked or fully exploited, but rather of a big room simply used as storage, in which sometimes Thomas puts a new box, then leaves again.

Don't get me wrong: if he doesn't want to spend too much time on it, he's free to do so. However, it would also look very unprofessional, because Patreon's purpose is exactly  to interact with people, give them something and make their money worth. Leaving something once in a while isn't exactly professional. And just like the other big problem of the series (the lack of a full outline), could be solved by hiring a professional who deals with it on Thomas’ behalf.

Speaking of leaving stuff, there is the mistery behind the livestreams. I tried so, so hard to understand why Thomas decided to keep the livestreams around for a very short time, then delete them. I am still searching for a reason and I still cannot find it. Why deleting them? What about the people who cannot watch them because of plans/personal problems/different timezones and want to watch them days later? What if they’re busy and cannot watch them days, but weeks later? They lose the chance, because the livestream disappeared.

Really, I have no explanation for this, so if someone knows something and can give me an explanation that makes sense, I would really appreciate it.

[yourtamaki]

history doesn’t repeat, it rhymes

sakusa x gn!reader

word count: 4.1k

warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, elements of depersonalization, non-explicit mentions of sex

dedicated to: @onyxoverride (thank you for beta reading) & @saintdabi

you can’t remember the last time you saw your reflection.

it wasn’t deliberate, the way you turned your back to the full length mirror in your closet every morning when you got dressed, how you usually dodged your reflection coming out of the shower like you did just now. at least, not at first. not until you realized how much better you felt now that you didn’t have to come face to face with a stranger everyday. that was the only word to describe whatever lived in the mirror. a stranger. any recognizable part of you had rotted away long ago. all that remained now was an empty husk with dead eyes and a selfish heart. the same selfish heart that set you on this path in the first place. 

was it worth it? you wanted to ask your past self. was his love worth what you did to yourself?

the very first night you met sakusa set the tone for the rest of your relationship. you’re still not entirely sure why you accepted your roommate, hinata’s, invitation to his team’s party to celebrate their record win streak. it probably had something to do with the puppy dog eyes he threw you. regardless, you went, wearing an outfit you were losing confidence in by the second and leaning against a wall as far from the drunk crowd as you could get. you never liked parties like this. too many people, too loud. but for your best friend, you were willing to grit your teeth and bare it. 

a part of you, larger than you would ever admit, wishes you never looked to your left that day. wishes that you never spotted the curly haired man looking so sullen despite half his face being covered with a mask, that you didn’t notice the way his eyes flickered from his empty red cup to where you knew the kitchen to be, how he wearily eyed the crowd of people that separated him from it. 

“i was about to grab a drink. i can bring something back for you if you’d like?” the first thing you ever said to the love of your life was a lie. you were planning on staying tucked in your corner all night, safe from the dancing drunks who had no concept of personal space until hinata was ready to leave. and yet the words were almost ripped out of you the moment your eyes landed on him, a fierce need to help the man flaring up from nowhere. you could only assume he had separated himself from the party for the same reason you had and it pulled on your heartstrings. no one ever noticed when you needed help so why not extend that courtesy to him instead? he blinked at you as though he had to process your offer before he nodded. 

“yes, please i’d appreciate it.” his voice was different than you expected it to be. slow and calm despite the way his fist clenched and unclenched.  “just water. a closed bottle if you can find it.” 

his brows furrowed for a moment when you held out your hand before letting out a quiet ah and handing you his empty cup. it was endearing how he placed it in your hand, balancing it carefully on your palm. 

“be right back.” you shot him a smile and started to make your way across the floor, getting pushed and jostled the entire way there. you made quick work of tossing the garbage into the overflowing trash bag and dug out two water bottles from behind a rack of beer cans in the fridge. the trip back was no easier and you breathed a sigh of relief when you were once again in your small private bubble with the man. the discomfort you endured, the skin crawling sensation of all those bodies too close to you was worth the way his eyes lit up when he saw you’d returned. 

he accepted the cool bottle with a murmured thanks, pulling his mask down and tucking it under his chin. handsome was your first thought and his name was your second. the two distinct moles on his brow should’ve given it away that you were talking to sakusa kiyoomi. you’d seen enough of hinata’s games, heard enough stories to put a name to the face. he held your stare as you placed him in your mind, taking a sip from the bottle as he did. an urge to say something, anything to keep those eyes on you bubbled up hot and fast and you said the first thing that came to mind. 

“my roommate’s your teammate.” 

“is he? which one?” 

“hinata. shoyo.” you added as though there was another hinata on the msby roster.

“ah. my condolences.” the corner of his lips quirked up when you snorted. “i’ve seen how he leaves a locker room. i don’t want to imagine what his room looks like.” 

“it’s not pretty, that’s for sure.” you said, leaning your shoulder against the wall and taking a moment to regard him. “can i ask why you’re here? shoyo told me you don’t like crowds so a party must be hard on you.” 

“would you believe me if i said contractual obligations?” 

“nope cause i helped shoyo go through his contract and i don’t remember ragers being a part of the deal.” a small burst of pride bloomed in your chest when he laughed, a quick huff from his nose and amused eyes as though he didn’t expect it. 

“you got me.” you waited for him to explain and deflated a bit when he remained silent. that is, until you followed where his eyes had wandered. it was easy to spot hinata from across the party. he sat high above the rest of the crowd on bokuto’s shoulders, leaning back occasionally to test bokuto’s reaction time and giggling every time he was caught at the last moment. meian was trying in vain to pull the ginger down while atsumu seemed to be on facetime with someone recording the whole thing, his loud laughter ringing out clearly over the music. 

“you’re here for them?” you said just as the realization dawned on you. sakusa twitched, so small you wouldn’t have noticed if you hadn’t been watching him so closely. 

“spending time with your teammates promotes better gameplay on the court.” 

“i’m sure it does. but wanting to hang out with your friends isn’t a crime.” 

“we are hanging out. i’m here, aren’t i? if they wanted to talk to me, they know where to find me.” the bitterness in his tone wasn’t enough to mask the acceptance behind his words, of being resigned to his fate as the forgotten one. 

“well, i found you.” he looked over at you, something unreadable swimming behind his eyes before they softened.

“yeah. you did. you know, you’ve talked a lot about shoyo but i don’t know anything about you. i don’t even know your name.” he said. heat raced to your cheeks, flustered that he seemed to be paying as much attention to you that you were to him.

“i didn’t even notice, sorry.” you said before offering your name. he repeated it back, once, twice, rolling it around on his tongue and you watched his mouth, mesmerized by how it curled around a word you’ve heard your whole life until it sounded new again. he spoke your name in a soft, hushed whisper and you wondered if his lips would feel just as soft. half-lidded, his gaze flickered downwards like he was wondering the same thing.

the rest of the night was a blur in your mind. all you could recall was that you chatted with sakusa until the others found you and you drove a passed-out hinata home with a new contact saved to your phone.  

the reminiscing left you drained, clutching your phone in your hands, the screen frozen on that same contact as you collapsed into bed and yet you couldn’t stop the rest of the memories from flooding through your mind, the truth you’ve been holding off for too long. you’ve picked at a festering wound that was best left alone. if you didn’t think too hard about it, if you ignored how it grew and ate away at you, it wouldn’t hurt as much. right? but it was too late. you’ve pulled the string and now you’re left to deal with your own unraveling. 

you scrolled through your texts for what feels like a lifetime, the entirety of your relationship flashing by and disappearing in an instant until you could scroll no higher. of course you sent the first text. a formal message that didn’t look anything like how you actually text with one too many exclamation points in your desperation to come across friendly. 

your fingers moved across the screen and when your mind caught up, your thumb was hovering over the button to delete the entire conversation. you never wanted to see evidence of who you used to be ever again. you didn’t want to be reminded of the person you cut and broke and killed until they fit into sakusa’s neat life. but sentimentality stilled your hand, the phone dropping from your limp fingers and crashing to the floor. you didn’t bother reaching for it.

the accursed memories refuse to let you be, another bobbing up to the surface from the murky depths and pulling you under before you could stop it. one that showed what little agency you had in your own life.

it started the way it always did. you noticed him. noticed how tired he was every time you spoke. how you went from going out on dates to always staying in to maybe being lucky enough to say good night over the phone before he crashed for the day. and sure, you were lonely. so starved for him it ached. but that was overshadowed by your worry for him. you would lay awake wondering if he’d remember to eat that day, if he had the energy to clean his apartment and if he didn’t, how much was that adding to his stress? 

so you swung by his place the next morning after he had left for practice, spent the day cleaning, restocked his fridge and were nearly done making dinner when he returned. his exhaustion was truly hammered home when he walked straight past the kitchen on autopilot before doubling back, tilting his head at you in confusion. 

“what are you doing here, darling?” 

“helping out.” you turned back to the stove and busied yourself with mindless stirring, afraid that you’d been too eager and overstepped. “you seemed pretty tired these days so i wanted to do something for you but you’re back earlier than i expected so i can just go if you want to be alone just let me-” 

your rambling was cut off when a force barrelled into you and sakusa hugged you tight from behind, head buried in the crook of your shoulder. all at once, whatever anxiety had been growing fled you and you relaxed into his touch. 

“thank you.” it wasn’t the words that made your heart leap to your throat. it was the sincerity, the slight crack at the end that told you he had more he wanted to say but didn’t know how. 

you fell into a routine of going over to his apartment, looking after things, kissing him when he returned and staying over at night. at first, it was once a week. then over the weekend, then every other day. 

“you should move in.” even though you half expected your relationship to take this next step, it still took you by surprise the casual way sakusa brought it up. you weren’t entirely sure if you wanted to move in with him just yet. you built a home with hinata and that apartment meant everything to you, all your happiest memories were made there and oh no sakusa was still waiting for an answer.  

“i should?”

“yeah.” 

and that was the end of it. you were packed and out of hinata’s apartment (because it was his now. his and atsumu’s. not yours, it’ll never be yours again) by the end of the month. most of your things didn’t come with you but that was fine, right? so what if you still felt like a guest in your home even to this day with none of yourself being reflected in the apartment? you got to wake up to see the love of your life every day and that made everything worth it. 

until you started waking up alone.  

extra training, he said. the team drafted new players and he had to get used to their play style, he said. and you believed him, trusted that he’d be home with you if he could. so you took the crushing loneliness and swallowed it down like a bitter pill. you smiled wide when he came home late with only the moon to light your bedroom and let him use your body to rid the stress of the day.

the dead of night was the only time you’d have him all to yourself. you could be greedy for his attention when he was buried inside you. it was easy to pretend you clawed up and down his back because you were caught up in the moment and not because you were desperate to keep him close to you. easy to pretend the tears in your eyes were from pleasure and not from how much you missed his voice. 

and when he was empty and spent, you would stroke his hair until he fell asleep and then, only then, would you whisper all the things you couldn’t tell him during the day. small, meaningless anecdotes that you knew would earn you a wry smile if he was awake to hear them, the one he used when he didn’t want to let on how close he was to laughing. the stolen moments were a salve on your fractured heart but it was never enough to heal it. in the end, when you were once again alone in your too-wide bed, it only served to remind you just how deep the cracks were. 

maybe that’s where you went wrong. you gave away your heart to someone and got nothing in return, nothing to plug up the all-consuming void in your chest. there was nothing left of you. no, that wasn’t quite true. there was nothing good left of you. you gave him your best parts and all you had now was pure resentment that burned hot and fierce in your core, so acidic it ate everything in its path. it burned away the dredges of your soul until all you could do was allow it to climb up and scorch your throat in a silent scream. 

another memory. it’s strange what your brain chose to latch onto as you spiralled. on the surface, you remember this to be a happier time. but as it overtook you, you’re reminded almost violently that the edges of this memory are stained with the early decay of your identity. 

before the early mornings and late nights, before you got into the habit of staring at your ceiling and wondering how you got to that point, you and sakusa had a tradition. you’d both find something, a story, a movie, that you think the other doesn’t know and share it with them. that day sakusa came to you with the myth of orpheus and eurydice. 

he told you the story of a man so in love with his wife he journeys to the underworld after she dies to find her, how hades tells him he can guide her to the land of the living but orpheus must trust that eurydice is following him. if he turns around, eurydice’s fate is sealed. sakusa explained how in every version of the myth, orpheus turned around at the very end out of an uncontrollable, unfiltered love for his wife. whether it was because he was excited to see the end of the tunnel and wanted to share his joy with her or because he feared she got lost, either one stems from the love he has for her. the love that sent him to find her is the same love that doomed her in the end. but the more sakusa spoke about orpheus, the more you wondered about the other protagonist of the story. 

“why didn’t eurydice try to let orpheus know she was there? she could’ve held his hand or touched his back or something.” you asked. you were laying your head on sakusa’s chest, letting the low rumble wash over you as he read you the tale. the question had been bugging you as the story came to its conclusion though you couldn’t place your finger as to why.

“she was a spirit. she would pass right through him.” 

“yeah but…” you searched for the words to explain your confusion. “she didn’t even try.” 

“it wouldn’t have mattered either way.” 

you opened your mouth to press the issue further, too stubborn to let it go just yet when you heard sakusa sigh out of his nose. it was enough for any question to die on your tongue and all that came out was a quiet, “i guess so.” 

it was a nothing memory. an empty thing to remind you of better times that you’ve had no need to look back on. so why did that moment swirl around your head now, as you crumbled in your lowest moments? scattered pieces start to form together in the recesses of your mind but before you could call them forth to make a full image, the bedroom door swung open and sakusa walked in. 

for once, you don’t slip on your well worn porcelain mask. you don’t school your expression and force it to mold into something that couldn’t quite be called happy. instead, you sat up straight in bed, held his gaze and did nothing to hide the maelstrom of hurt that raged inside you. a sick satisfaction shot through your veins when his steps faltered at the force of your stare. 

“what’s wrong?” he asked. 

what isn’t? you thought but instead said, “nothing. i was just thinking. about us.” 

“oh.” his eyes are already sliding away from you, a quiet detachment in his voice that made you grind your teeth in frustration. 

“remember that greek story you told me about?” 

“mhmm.” 

“tell me again why eurydice didn’t reach out.” there it is again. a short, sharp exhale from his nose. he opened his mouth but you spoke before he could. “humour me.”

“she was dead, darling. she couldn’t touch him, he couldn’t hear her so there was no point.” 

“no point? there was no point in trying to tell orpheus that she was behind him? he climbed into the underworld for her and she couldn’t try?” 

“could you--?” he cut himself off and pinched the bridge of his nose. “it’s late. i’m exhausted and really not in the mood so can we go to bed?” 

“doesn’t that sound familiar?” you continued as though he hadn’t spoken. “one person bending heaven and hell for the person they love while the other can’t even meet them halfway. remind you of anything?” 

now you had his full attention. his brows scrunched together and you’re not sure if he’s trying to figure out the meaning behind your words or the reason for your hostile tone. you don’t feel like helping him out either and instead watched the gears turn in his head with something akin to glee. it’s his turn to be paranoid, to overthink, to pick apart every moment of your relationship and dissect it piece by rotted piece. 

“please don’t be vague. if you’re upset with me, tell me.” it was the most emotion you’ve heard from him in so long, you were taken aback for a moment. 

“i’m a bit past ‘upset’, omi.”

“i’m sorry.”

you scoffed. “you don’t even know what you’re apologizing for.” 

“you’re hurt and it’s my fault. that's enough for me to say sorry.” 

“you don’t understand.” he crossed the room in three large strides, sitting on the edge of the bed to leave space between you. 

“then help me understand.” 

you floundered for the right words to explain the mountain of revelations you’ve uncovered and settled for, “how do i take my coffee, kiyoomi?” 

he took your use of his full name in stride. “black. one sugar.” 

“no that’s how you take your coffee. that’s the only way you ever make coffee. i had to learn to like it.” 

“what, you’re mad i don’t know how you like your coffee?” you know he didn’t mean anything by it, that’s he's always been more blunt that he means to be but it doesn’t stop you from feeling patronized and the hurt loosened your tongue. 

“it’s not about the coffee! it’s not about the fact that eurydice was a ghost. it’s the effort, omi. you haven’t put an ounce of effort into this relationship. i’m the one who has to bend. i’m the one that has to change, it’s never you.” 

“i never asked you to.” the truth of the statement knocked the air out of your lungs. because that's the worst part, isn’t it? you have no one to blame your misery on but yourself. 

“i don’t know how to love you without sacrificing pieces of myself. and i’m empty, kiyoomi, i've given you all of me. and it feels like you’ve given me nothing in return.”  

his head was bowed while he listened but from how tight he laced his fingers together, you know he was fighting to stay calm. “you know i love you, right?”

“do you? do you love me or love that i’m convenient? love that i clean your place and make you food and have a hole you can--” 

“stop.” you didn’t know it was possible for so much heartbreak to be packed into a single word. it sobered you of your venom and in its place, shame came rushing in. 

“i’m sorry. i'm pissed at myself for letting it get this far and i’m taking it out on you. i don’t regret loving you. but it feels like that’s the only thing living inside me. like i’m not even a person anymore.”

“i should’ve noticed. it shouldn’t have taken you snapping for me to realize what was going on.” 

“maybe.” 

silence, suffocating silence, stretched and morphed time until it felt like you’ve aged a decade in a moment. and then sakusa spoke.

“you’ll help a stranger just because they look like they might need it and ask for nothing in return. you’ll make someone food just so you can be sure they ate that day. you’ll tell me about your day while i fall asleep and i don’t think i could sleep without hearing your voice. you’re kind and too selfless for your own good and the best person i’ve ever met. it kills me that i’ve been the cause of your pain.”

it was strange hearing those traits spun in a good light when you’ve thought of them negatively for so long. strange knowing where you saw faults he saw things worth admiring. “you hear me at night?” 

“and you like focusing on minor details. yes, darling. every night.” 

“oh.” 

“i understand if you need… space, if you want to spend some time apart. but give me a chance. please. give me a chance to prove how important you are to me. i’m sorry that i’ve failed you. i’m sorry i've been taking you for granted. but that ends now. never again. 

“and i can help you, too. i can remind you of all the parts you say you’ve lost. i’ll tell you all about the person i fell in love with everyday if you need it. i’d never run out of things to say. please. you found me once, let me return the favour and help you find yourself. if-if you’ll have me.” 

his small speech wasn’t the reason tears stung the back of your eyes. as he finished speaking, sakusa reached out across the space between you and offered you his hand. a lifeline that you took, the lump in your throat to keeping everything you wanted to say stuck inside you. thankfully, you needed no words for sakusa to understand you. he brought your joined fingers to his lips and let out a shaky breath against them. the two of you stayed like that for a small eternity, drifted apart yet holding together with a bridge to link you. you’ve been fueled by resentment and anger for so long, you weren’t sure if you were strong enough to let them go. but you did know that you didn’t want to try without him by your side. 

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

IOTA Reviews: Rocketear

The Rocketeer is a 1991 Disney movie set in 1930's America where a test pilot gets a jetpack and uses it to fight Nazis and— Wait, what? “Rocketear”? Oh, damn it!

Let's get into the eleventh (chronologically the seventeenth) episode of Miraculous Ladybug's fourth season: Rocketear.

We start off with Carapace and Cat Noir struggling to hold back some T-Rexes brought back to life by a scientist Jurassic Park style. Seriously, they reference the movie in the same scene.

Why wasn't this the plot of the episode again?

After managing to tame the dinosaurs with a whistle of all things, Ladybug notices something's wrong with Nino after he gives the Turtle Miraculous back to her. Apparently, he's wondering why Rena Rouge (who he knows is Alya) wasn't recruited with him today. Ladybug tells him that he was the only help she needed today. In reality, it's because Alya has adjusted to her new role of supporting Ladybug behind the scenes in her new form, Rena Furtive.

And I'm not a fan of the new form. I get the camo, but it doesn't really help her blend in when her suit is bright blue. I think it's based off the arctic fox, but that animal is able to camouflage itself because it's fur matches the snowy environment. I'm sure a bright blue jumpsuit won't stand out when she tries to blend in at all. Also, the fact that Alya can just change her hero form gives even less excuses as to why Ladybug's new form is only when she uses her Lucky Charm.

Alya is struggling to keep this a secret from Nino because they don't have a lot of secrets in their relationship. Marinette says she can kind of get it because she had to keep her identity a secret from her friend and has to keep keeping her identity a secret from everyone else. Basically, she's telling Alya to suck it up because this is what being a superhero is.

So the next time she sees Nino, Alya tells him she's no longer Rena Rouge, but not about Rena Furtive, which troubles her. The very next scene shows Alya showing Marinette pictures she took of her new costume and asking her which version looks better.

You could always try reviewing Akuma fights. I heard there's one blog that does it when they're not criticizing the famous director Thomas Astruc on social media.

Yeah, in case you can't tell, Alya was only able to rent her brain for a few episodes because she really doesn't seem as understanding about being a superhero as she was in earlier episodes. In episodes like “Optigami” and “Sentibubbler”, we saw Alya use more strategy and show discretion as Rena Rouge, seemingly taking her job more seriously, but then this episode just had to go and piss it all away. I also love how the first time the animators made Alya's skin the same when she's transformed is in a single frame for a joke.

Alya thankfully deletes the picture, but Nino overhears her talking about struggling to find more content for the Ladyblog, and decides to go to the movies with her to help take her mind off things. Nino, in turn, proceeds to give the same reaction to the in-universe Ladybug movie that Astruc gives to the PV.

Apparently, that movie's already getting a sequel and it has a teaser. So was the sequel animated at the same time as the original like Back to the Future Part II and Back to the Future Part III?

Nino gets pissed the next movie in the Ladybug Cinematic Universe will feature Rena Rouge and not Carapace... even though Rena Rouge debuted first. The teaser then shows Rena Rouge falling for Cat Noir (yet another creative liberty taken by the writers or something Astruc's self-insert threw in himself), and takes it like it's the real thing. Dude, the first movie said Ladybug was afraid of cats, and the director yelled at the person it was based on for judging it. He clearly has a hard time distinguishing fiction from reality.

Alya leaves Nino early so she can go on patrol, but Nino sees Cat Noir heading out as well. He then watches a video on the Ladyblog where Alya praises Cat Noir which is totally not Astruc projecting or anything.

I don't know what your definition of a prince is, Alya, and I honestly don't want to know.

So Nino takes this as evidence that Alya is in love with Cat Noir and decides to tell Adrien, who naturally laughs him off. And just before you think we have an episode where Adrien plays the straight man, Adrien decides to visit Alya because he's afraid he accidentally charmed Alya.

Yes, because Cat Noir is so charming, girls are just fighting over him, aren't they?

We then cut to a black and white film noir monologue by Nino (dressed like a detective with a fake mustache), who decides to spy on Alya. When Cat Noir asks Alya if she is attracted to him, she naturally laughs him off, though Cat Noir is thankfully a good sport about it, even giving her a hug to apologize. Unfortunately, Nino took this the wrong way.

The next day at school, Nino takes Adrien into his “office” (it's really an excuse to reuse the boiler room setpiece), and shows him the picture of the hug. Adrien says that Alya would never fall for Cat Noir because she's always dedicated to finding out the truth and telling her boyfriend everything. What's Nino's retort?

Okay, several problems with this bit. First of all, why would Nino even tell Adrien any of this? What would it accomplish? Why not say all this to Alya while confronting her about her alleged unfaithfulness? Second, Ladybug didn't give Nino and Alya their Miraculous at the same time until it was an absolute emergency. She outright said in “Hero's Day” that she didn't have time to recruit Nino and Alya separately.

Ladybug: I'm sorry for what I'm about to do. I know I'm revealing your secret identities but I don't have time to find a good excuse to give them to you separately. Rena Rouge and Carapace, I need you both!

Nino and Alya kept their identities secret from each other until then, with Alya even keeping the fact she knew who Carapace was a secret as well. Nino didn't find out because “they don't hide anything from each other” (which I plan to talk about later).

Other than that, I actually liked Adrien in this scene. It was really investing to see him try to justify the whole secret identities rule while Nino blatantly said there was an exception. This is the kind of stuff I wanted to see when it came to Adrien doubting Ladybug, not him destroying things in his anger.

While Nino rants about how Cat Noir “stole” Alya from him, Shadowmoth sends an Akuma his way, turning him into Rocketear.

And the design he has is just boring. It's just a blue jumpsuit with some black spots that look like teardrops, a teardrop-shaped head and a visor. I think the reason this season's been relying more on past Akumas and using more Sentimonsters is because DQ is terrible at character designs. I mean, compare this suit with Aigraon from Zyuden Sentai Kyoryuger (his Power Rangers counterpart is Wrench from Dino Charge).

The design does so much more with the teardrop motif, giving him a perpetually miserable face with tear lines going all over his body. Add that to a more diverse color scheme, and you have a much more visually stunning design. And this was created in real life, not rendered on a computer. I'm not sure if this is a budget thing or a laziness thing, but if it's the former, you really need to do better, animators.

The powers are meh, giving Nino the ability to fling explosive tears at enemies. It's a clever idea, and it makes sense he gets a power that parallels Cat Noir's, but I think maybe it would have been more interesting if he couldn't control the tears at all. Like, imagine if he was constantly crying like Blue Diamond, and with every tear he shed, Rocketeer could send it at whoever he felt was causing him misery, mainly Cat Noir, all while serving as a metaphor for people who blame others for their own personal issues. Better yet, make him look like the detective outfit Nino wore for the second act. It would have made him more unpredictable instead of making his tears generic projectile weapons.

Marinette and Alya see the fight and transform into Ladybug and Rena Furtive respectively, the former summoning her Lucky Charm, a projector. Is it just me, or has this been happening with Ladybug a lot recently?

Back to Rocketear, we get a good moment where Cat Noir intentionally lets the Akuma hit him so he can get a chance to resolve things diplomatically. See, this is a moment where Cat Noir's self-sacrificing nature feels heroic and not selfish like when he does it without Ladybug's permission to spite her. Unfortunately, it doesn't really go anywhere as Ladybug shows up and plays the recording Nino took (Alya found his phone earlier), while Rena Furtive uses her Mirage to give the audio to what actually happened that night.

Rena transforms back into Alya and embraces Rocketear, who apologizes to her for his behavior. And then he just... rejects Shadowmoth's power while looking like it wasn't that much effort.

At least when Chloe and Alya did it, we saw them struggling for a little longer. I guess maybe it's because Nino is motivated by his love for Alya, but I think it should have been fleshed out more. So Ladybug purifies the Akuma, gives Nino a Magical Charm, and Cat Noir is still unsure about his feelings for Ladybug at the moment, though they still pound it.

Back in his room, Adrien ponders why Alya and Nino get to know their identities while he and Ladybug can't, but Plagg points out it's because she's the Guardian. It's brief, but I do like seeing Adrien start to doubt Ladybug's judgment, and it looks like it'll foreshadow future episodes. This is a problem I've had since “Hero's Day”, and I'm glad the writers are finally acknowledging this double standard. I just hope they don't end up blaming Marinette for whatever happens later on.

Marinette, of course, apologizes for what happened between Alya and Nino, and I have to say... yeah, no. It's obviously Nino's fault here.

Nino really pushed personal boundaries in this episode, much like Marinette's friends in “Gang of Secrets”. Yes, honesty is a valuable trait, but sometimes, people have secrets they want to keep to themselves. Nino's idea of “not hiding anything from each other” is somewhat controlling, like he's demanding Alya tell him everything whether she wants to or not. The fact that he immediately assumed Alya was cheating on him without giving her freedom to make her own choices doesn't make him look good. Let's be honest, a more realistic outcome would be Alya choosing to break things off with Nino or at least lecture him about how she can do what she wants and keep the secrets she wants. But instead...

And that's how the episode ends.

Okay, Marinette just said she trusted Alya to make the right decision, but I highly doubt she meant this. Marinette strictly said Alya had to keep Rena Furtive a secret, and now she's telling Nino this despite the risk? The whole reason Marinette and Luka broke up was because Marinette had to keep her secrets from Luka, but now it's okay for Alya to be completely honest? How is this not a double standard?

This episode was just dull, and there’s not even much I can really say about it.. There were a handful of standout moments, and the stuff with Adrien was somewhat compelling, but Nino's behavior was just insufferable and dragged the episode down. The Akuma fight was weak, only lasting about four minutes at most, and while the Lucky Charm was more creative this time, the plot was just frustrating. It's really one of the weaker episodes this season.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to watch the better Rocketeer.

[local-ground-apple]

Can i get a oneshot where Azul finds out about reader's secret "pics of Azul Ashengrotto when he's not looking" magicame account lol

oh yes, the only magicam account that got more followers than Vil and Cater

wait for “Oh Azul, your radiant beauty is an art” discourse under the cut.

alternative title: Koebi-chan turns into sneaky snake to immortalise the beauty of local octopus who for once doesn’t know how to turn this situation into a contract feat.  neighbourhood-friendly eels dying from laughter

“Azul, I think you should see this”

Jade passed his phone to Azul who was engrossed in his paperwork. With a heavy sigh, he shifted his attention from recent golden contract and looked at the screen. His eyes widen at the sight of pictures.

Pictures of him.

Lot of photos on one blog titled: “Pictures of Azul Ashengrotto taken when he’s not looking”

,,It’s surprisingly quite popular account”

Jade remarked not sparing a single glance at Azul who was going through an existential crisis. He was anxiously scrolling through countless picture taken, as the description of magicam account stated, when he was not looking.

Him doing some homework, him preparing a special golden contract, him burning his fingers on boiling hot tea or even him looking at the star-studded sky.

When someone could have taken those pictures? Why? Does he have a stalker? Wasn’t he the one who occasionally stalked people?

Multiple questions run through Azul’s head as his hand run through his hair. He let out a heavy sigh, not even bothering to listen to Floyd who was having a time of his life. Eel sat comfortably in his chair and was dying from laughter.

Azul’s secret admirer and stalker? That octopus having a secret fan-blog? How amusing~~ What unfortunate soul could be so engrossed in that fishy businessman?

“Who runs it? Names, Jade, I need names.”

Oh, so octopus entered the “feral disposure mode”, remarked Floyd who licked his lips in anticipation. Oh how he couldn’t wait to squeeze some poor, unfortunate souls.

“Ohhh, yess, we could squeeze that little admirer of yours”

,,I doubt Azul will let you after I reveal who it is”

Jade cut in, making everyone confused. Floyd’s wide grin slightly faltered and Azul raised an eyebrow.

“Ne, ne Jade, don’t keep us in suspension~~”

“It’s Y/N.”

The sound of your name entailed various reactions. Jade only chuckled seeing Azul going through another crisis, as his eyes widen and he was left utterly speechless, while Floyd was (once again) dying from laughter.

“Koebi-chan? THAT Koebi-chan??! It couldn’t get funnier!”

Exclaimed Floyd while Azul was still engrossed in his thoughts.

It suddenly made sense.

The way you would observe him, constantly on your phone when he was taking care of contracts or paperwork. Stealing secret glances and giggling and always dismissing his questions when he asked what made you laugh.

Given that you were dating Azul and he was a busy businessman, you were a rather special guest at Mostro Lounge and recently you’ve been spending there more time than in your own dorm.

“I mean it’s kind of fair. I send you to spy on her and she spies on me in return”

Remarked Azul with a heavy sigh, quickly pushing up his glasses and standing up. He was determined to leave his cabinet before Leech twins tease him or make fun of that blog any further. He caught a glimpse of Floyd opening his lips to throw some nasty and vicious remarks at him and Jade’s eyes were glowing with mischief.

It was high time to evacuate and excuse himself of the room.

Azul had a bigger fish to take care of than Leech twins.

It seemed that his angelfish gone a little bit too far.

                                                            …

,,Y/N dear, could you perhaps explain this?”

,,Right, Shrimpyy~~!! Why would you take so many pictures of Azul when you could just admire me!”

Azul’s deadly calm and cold voice as well as two pairs of arms wrapping up around you, successfully pulled you out from redoing mock papers for alchemy. You let out a loud shriek and jumped at the sudden contact.

Ignoring Floyd and his tightening with each passing second grip, you focused on the screen which Azul was practically showing in your face.

“Oh, you found that?”

You were stunned. You knew the day of your doom will come sooner or later, so you were prepared for every possible scenario. Yet, that didn’t stop you from screaming internally as multiple thoughts run through your brain.

Oh shit. I knew that was a bad idea. What were I thinking? That guppy brain of mine! Please sir, don’t let those eels squeeze me. If that’s how I shall go down, at least I’ve left a worthy legacy.

Azul quickly remarked your flushed face as you fiddled with your thumbs nervously. You tried to wriggle out of the twins’ grip, but your attempts were quickly proved to be futile. Much to Floyd’s dismay you soon stopped struggling and instead you decided to fake your confidence.

Baffle them with your bullshit, usually seemed to be a good strategy.

The other choice would be to seduce Azul, but you weren’t sure if you were able to put on the show right in front of twins.

“I took excellent pictures, didn’t I? I even made sure the light was perfect on each of them. Oh, look at this one! You looked suuuuuper handsome that day, didn’t you? You’re rarely that cheerful and your smile causes flowers to bloom in a 50 meter radius. So it’s only natural that I felt the need to make that look last forever~”

You ignored Floyd’s laughter, subtle chuckles from Jade and Azul who was not only confused and wasn’t sure whether he should scold you or ask you to continue rabbiting on. His face flushed and he tried his best to still appear “collected and calm”, but you could see through his façade.

Azul was actually flattered that you found him worthy of not even a single picture but a whole blog dedicated to his beauty, as you phrased it.

“Y’know, you’re a walking art and I couldn’t help myself but to immortalise it!”

You exclaimed with a bright smile and you lower your head slightly, so hair could do you a favour and hide your embarrassment which was written all over your hair.

“Awwww, Jade, aren’t they such cuties~~~”

,,I think we should leave them alone Floyd”

And with that Jade excused them, leaving you with frustrated Azul who kind of wanted to scold you for taking pictures without his permission and kind of wanted you to shower him with even more praises.

He was greedy, insatiable and desired more.

You giggled seeing his flushed face. You hesitantly came closer, standing right before him. You quickly cut the remaining distance and your forehead touched his, resting in that place. Azul sighed deeply and his gloved hand reached to run through your hair.

“What should I do with you, angelfish, hmm?”

,,Well, you could perhaps kiss me?”

You suggested with a sly smile, making Azul let out a barely audible chuckle. He slightly shook his head and you felt the tension leaving his body.

“You know there’s price for that.”

“Dang, you want me to delete that blog, don’t you?”

,,Y/N you should delete that blog, so my image could appear more professional”

You pouted dramatically, pulling away from him. Before Azul could clarify himself, you cut him.

“Well, that’s a shame depriving all those people from your radiating beauty!”

Well, maybe you were going a bit overboard with the amount of praises and dramatic power it entailed.

Either way, Azul lost it.

Instead of collected and meticulous octopus you saw a determined and frustrated man who was more than eager to protest.

,,No, no, Y/N. I should be THE ONE who should be complementing you and worshipping you, but about that price”

He exclaimed and you only giggled in response as Azul took you in his arms. He began leaving delicate, butterfly kisses on your neck in breaks incoherently mumbling praises.

Your lips soon got captured by chapped lips which tasted like water and salt into a delicate, gentle kiss. It almost made you forget about the slight sadness you had felt when Azul asked you to delete your blog. Instead his next words between nibbling on your skin, made you stunned and worried.

“Instead I should make a blog full of pictures of you, my angelfish, to return the favour”

“W-wait!”

“But could you perhaps continue with your whole “Oh Azul, your radiant beauty is an art” discourse. I would love to hear more”

BONUS:

“How did I not find out about this earlier? I’m literally tagged in every picture”

“I blocked you”

“YoU wHaT”

[jungwonenthusiast]

Field Trip

A/N: I’ve been working on this pic for a while, I hope you guys like it :)

Pairing: Jake Sim x fem! reader

Word count: 5.2k

Genre: fluff, high school au

Warning: mentions of virginity loss and porn, occasional swearing, nothing else I think

“How many shirts should I take?” Jake asks you through your phone. 

“Uhm, we’re there for three days so take four just incase.” you reply and you pack your suitcase as well. 

You two were preparing for your five day field trip to New York which was happening tomorrow. 

You packed your favorite jeans and hoodies and even a dress just in case. You can't help but romanticize the hell out of New York after being stuck in this small town all your life. 

“How many pairs of underwear should I take?” he asks again and you giggle. He’s like a kid sometimes.  “How many times do you think you’ll change your underwear?” you say while sitting on your suitcase to get it to zip closed.

“Probably three but I’ll take four just in case.”

“What a quick learner.” you say and you hear him scoff. 

Jake has been your best friend since elementary school when you scraped your knee during tag and he took you to the nurse’s office. He’s been a sweetie since day one. 

“I doubt I’m gonna get any sleep tonight,” you sigh. “I’m too riled up.”

“Same,” he sighs. “I wonder how many flashers we’ll run into.”

You laugh. “Why is that the first thing you think of you creep.”

“Hey now,’ he chuckles. “I thought that was the stereotype.”

You hop onto your bed and pick your phone up, it looks like Jake’s doing the same. All you can see are his eyes and a bit of his nose bridge. His dark hair has started to grow out and it was poking at his eyelids. 

Your phone pings with a text from Jake. It’s a horrendous screenshot of you climbing over your phone to get into bed. You gasp.

“I’ll kill you.” you tell him as he’s holding in his laugh. “I will do it.”

His laugh bursts out of his throat, jolly and warm. “Why I love it.”

“I hate you so much. Delete it.”

“No way,” he bunches his brows. “You have an entire photo album dedicated to bad pictures of me.”

“And I also have an entire album dedicated to good pictures of you.” you roll your eyes.

“You do?” he asks. “That’s a bit fangirly of you.”

“Me? A fangirl? Maybe Madeline but not me.” you scoff.

“Madeline?” his voice perks up. “She likes me?”

“Yeah, I thought you knew this.” you swear that you’ve brought this up before. Maybe he just forgot. 

“Nuh-uh.” he says.

“Well...” you say. “do you like her back.”

“I mean she’s nice but,” he hesitates. “not really.”

“Why not? She’s smart and super pretty. I'm so jealous of her hair.” you say. Madeline was a tan ginger girl with curly fiery hair down to the small of her back. 

“You have nice hair.” he says nonchalantly. 

You touch it and rub it between your fingers. “It’s whatever.”

He scoffs. “You’re too hard on yourself all the time.”

“I’m a teenage girl, I can’t help it.” You defend yourself, but he isn’t lying. 

“I’m bored, can I come over?” he says suddenly. 

“Tonight? We have school tomorrow.” you reply. 

“Maybe I’ll just sleep over.” he says while turning over in his bed. “I don’t think our parents would care.”

Sleepover? You two hadn’t done that since you turned eleven. 

“Where would you sleep?” you ask him, already imagining how this would go.

“I don’t know on the floor.” he shrugs.

“I’m not letting you sleep on the floor I’ll feel bad.” you argue.

“I don’t care, I’m the one who suggested it, plus I miss you dude, I wanna hang out.” he says and you smile.

“I saw you on Friday.”

“Yeah, a whole two days ago.” he gets up off his bed. “Okay I’ll be there in ten.”

“What-” you start but he cuts you off.

He brings the camera up close to his face and he flashes you a smile. “Bye!” he hangs up. 

Your palms feel a bit sweaty and you brush them off on your pants. Why am I nervous? You guys have had plenty of sleepovers before but the rest of the boys were always there, probably passed out from beer or a sugar crash. 

You tidy your room up a bit and prepare a little blanket bed on the floor right next to your actual bed. 

You hear knocking at the door right when you expected, Jake was hardly ever late. 

“Hola~” he says as he walks in with his backpack on. He takes his shoes off before skipping over to your room. You giggle to yourself. 

He falls back onto your bed with a big sigh. “I missed being here.” 

“Why? There’s nothing cool here. Your house is way cooler.” you say and he smiles.

“Well I can’t deny that,” he shrugs and you punch him in the arm. “you’re the one who said it.”

“We get it rich boy.” you roll your eyes and sit down next to him.

“I’m just playing,” he sits up. “you know that.”

“I hope you showered after practice,” you say. “I don’t want you stinking up my bed.”

He whips his head to you, looking a little bit offended. “I am very clean alright? Here smell my hair.” he shoves his head into your face. 

You let out a strangled noise and try to push him away. “Okay, okay!”

“No smell it,” he keeps his hair up in your face, it’s tickling your nose. “smells like mangos right.”

Admitedly, he's right. It smells like mangos.

“Yes it does,” you squeak out. “now please respect my personal bubble.” you spread your arms out and create an imaginary bubble between you two. He tries to tug at your arm but you bellow in a robot voice. “PERSONAL BUBBLE PERSONAL BUBBLE.”

“Fine, fine.” he falls back onto your bed again, laughing. “Lets watch something.”

You follow suit and tug your laptop into your lap. 

“Hold on,” you get up and close your window, it was starting to get too cold.

You shimmy under your covers and pull up Netflix.

“Scary movie?” you click on the horror section.

“Sure but you probably won’t be able to sleep.” he teases and you roll your eyes. 

“That was years ago.” you start to scroll through the movies. 

“Mhm, and I’m never letting you live it down.” he says with pride. 

During freshman year the gang decided to go to Jay’s house to watch It together and it freaked you out so much that you went to sleep in the boys room rather than the guest room. 

You click on Hush, a movie you’ve been avoiding because it’s about one of your biggest fears, a home invasion. 

“I thought you hated this movie.” Jake says, crossing his arms.  “I do, but I need to face my fears eventually right?” you click on it and get up to turn the lights off. 

Jake soon gets under the covers as well. You both cringe and slap each other every time your feet touch. 

“Yo yo yo yo watch out!” Jake whispers and pulls his hood over his head, something you both do when you’re nervous. You weren’t wearing a hoodie so you settled with a spare blanket and draped it over yourself like a cloak. 

“Oh shit,” you whisper. “look behind you!” you yell at the main character. 

By the end of the movie both of your bodies are stiff and sore from being so tense for two hours straight. 

“I thought she was gonna die.” you sigh and you shut your laptop. 

“Nah, they couldn’t kill the main girl.” Jake says, comfy and cuddled up in your duvet. “She was so smart.”

“Yeah she was.” you yawn and then kick Jake in the side. “Go to your bed.”

He groans. “It’s warm here though.”

“Go and I’ll make pancakes tomorrow.” you say.

He perks up and follows your orders. 

You relax into your mattress, but you miss his warmth next to you. You ignore that. 

Your alarm goes off at 6:30 and Jake sleeps right through it. 

“How the hell does he get up in the morning?” you whisper. “Probably Leila.”

He’s sleeping on his side, cuddling a stuffed animal he must’ve stolen from your bed while you were asleep.

You stretch your back before washing up. 

Jake’s POV

My serene sleep is interrupted by pokes at my shoulder. 

“Get up poop.” she says. I almost forgot that I was at her house. I crack my eyes open to find her crouching next to me. 

“Good morning.” I croak out.

“You stole ginger.” she points at the stuffed bunny in my arms. 

“I was lonely.” I say before sitting up and rubbing my eyes. “What time is it?”

“7:30,” she says holding in a giggle. “go wash up so we can eat.”

“What’s so funny?” I ask her as she walks away. “You’ll see when you look in the mirror.” she says.

My eyes widen. Did she draw a dick on my forehead or something? I thought we swore to never do that.

I scramble to her bathroom to meet some gnarly bedhead. I have no clue how guys have good messy hair, my hair is either boring and flat or just messy. 

“Jesus.” I say to myself and try to run my head under the sink. 

I brush my teeth and secretly use her facial cleanser. 

“So fancy.” I whisper while lathering it up on my face. 

I can already hear her voice in my head when I’m drying off saying “don't forget to put lotion on, and face lotion, not body.”

A stack of pancakes is waiting for me in the kitchen, just as she promised. 

“Thank you mom.” I say to her before digging in.

She sits across from me with her own plate of flap jacks. She looks so pretty this early in the morning. Her face is fresh and sparkly and her eye bags somehow just make her prettier. It’s cloudy out and I can tell she’s cold she way her body is bundled up in her chair. 

I still remember the moment I realized that I liked her. It was seventh grade and we were at our town’s annual fair. She got a bit sick after a ride with a lot of loopdey loops so I stayed behind with her while the rest of the boys continued to go on every ride they pleased. She told me to go with them and that she didn’t want me to miss out but I said that it was fine and that I liked hanging out with her anyway. She smiled her bright smile at me and rested her head on my shoulder for a moment. Then she threw up on my shoes. Like projectile cotton candy, funnel cake, and other miscellaneous fair food vomit. And I didn’t even get that mad, I was more concerned for her. After that I figured I liked her, because if it were Jay I would’ve beat him up. 

“Did you have any nightmares?” I ask her and she shakes her head.

“Nah, I dreamt that Sunghoon married a dolphin. It was weird.” she sighs.

I choke on my pancakes. “A dolphin?”

“Yeah,” she laughs. “his name was Jerry.”

“And it was a guy too?” I hold my chest, trying not to choke.

“Don’t judge their interspecies homosexual marriage. It was beautiful.” she laughs and takes a big gulp of water.

I’m almost crying at this point. “Best dream ever. I can’t wait to tell Sunghoon this.”

“No!” her eyes widen. “He’s gonna think I fantasized about it or something.”

“What?” I cock an eyebrow. “Everyone knows that dreams are uncontrollable sometimes.” “Still it’s weird. Imagine if someone told you that I dreamt of you marrying a dolphin. It’s be weird.” she says through a mouth of pancake. 

“Did they have kids?” I cackle,

“I don’t know. How would that even work?” 

“Maybe they had a surrogate or something.” I suggest.

“Oh god,” she shakes her head, smiling. “we need to stop. I feel like I'm violating him.”

“Alright, alright.”

“Should I wear this shirt or this sweater.” she asks me as we’re getting ready in her room. 

“Sweater. It’s probably gonna be cold.” I say while tugging socks on. 

“Shit you’re right. Then I won’t be able to wear this dress.” she holds up a little dress that flows out a bit from the waist. 

“Bring it anyway and maybe you can wear it for a second so I can take pictures for you.” I suggest and she smiles. 

“Good idea.” 

We both settle of hoodies and jeans and say goodbye to her parents before hopping in my car. 

We get to school right when people start getting on the bus to the airport. We throw our luggage into the bottom carrier and get in line. 

“Yo!” I hear a familiar voice call as we get on. “We saved seats for you guys.”

Jay, Sunghoon, Heeseung, Jungwon, Sunoo, and Niki have already gotten comfortable in the back of the bus. Niki was already asleep. Y/N couldn’t help but pat his head before settling down next to Jungwon. The bus wasn’t a school one but one of those fancy ones they bring out once a year. 

I sit down next to Sunghoon and dap him up. 

“What’s up.” I say while putting my backpack down by my feet. 

“Tired.” he says. “Valentina kept me up all night.”

I raise an eyebrow and he smirks. 

“For real?” I ask and he nods. “No way.”

“Yeah way.” he says and holds up a fist.

I fist bump him and pat him hard on the shoulder. 

“You’re a man now Sunghoon.” I congratulate him and he snickers. 

“What does that make you then?” 

“I’m taking my time alright? I’ll get there eventually.” I say, a little embarrassed. 

I look back to check out what she’s doing when we start to drive off. She’s fast asleep with her cheek pressed against Jungwon’s shoulder. He looks like he’s about to dose off too. Cute. 

Sunghoon and I watch a couple episodes of Death Note before we arrive at the airport. Sunoo shakes Y/N and Jungwon up. 

She’s still groggy as we walk into the airport and grabs onto my arm for leverage. My heart jumps a little. It’s not often that we touch despite how much I think about touching her. I could stare at her back all day. She could ignore me for the rest of my life and I’d still be happy to be in her presence. Mental note to all of you: do NOT let your feelings get to this point.

Soon we’re on the plane and she chooses to sit next me. I silently celebrate. Sunoo and Sungoon behind us, Heeseung and Niki next to us, and Jay and Jungwon in front of us. Sunoo pokes his head over her seat.

“Do you have chapstick I can borrow.” he asks with his blonde hair flopping over his forehead. 

She digs into her bag and hands him a small tin of lip balm.

“Thank you!” he says and she nods. 

“Are you that tired?” I ask her.

“Mhm,” she sighs and shuts her eyes. “I forgot to drink coffee this morning.”

I put in my AirPods and start to watch Lady Bird. She looks over and takes an AirPods out of my ear. 

“I wanna watch too.” she say and puts it in her own. 

We take off for the six hour trip and soon Y/N is sound asleep. Her head kept dropping forward so I pushed it up and pulled it to rest on my shoulder. This was not on purpose. I can’t help but snap a picture of her and add it to the good pictures of her album. She looks so peaceful and comfortable and gorgeous. I lay my head on hers for a moment before continuing the movie. 

Y/N’s POV

After two hours of unsatisfying sleep, and hour of gossip with Sunoo, and three hours of chit chat with Jake you finally arrive. You sit up and stretch as best as you can in the plane. You pull you backpack onto my back and get you luggage down from the overhead bin. It’s already five p.m. when we get off and your stomach is growling. 

We take another bus to the hotel and you can’t help but admire the city life as we drive there. 

You’re roomed with two other girls at the hotel but you don’t even bother unpacking. You know you’re gonna be in the boys’ room anyway.

Mrs. Gilroy gave us tonight to do whatever we wanted as long as we were back at the hotel by ten p.m. 

You sneak into Jake, Jay, and Sunghoon’s room as soon as you can. And when you get there, it’s already a mess.

“Good lord.” you say as you’re met with clothes all over the floor and mini bottles of liquor on the beds.

“You guys are drunk already?” you scrunch your nose and drop your stuff in a corner of the room.

“No.” Sunghoon says to you lazily with a little smirk on his face. You can’t help but giggle. Sunghoon is pretty adorable when he’s drunk. 

“Are you drunk too?” you turn to Jake and he shakes his head. His pink cheeks give him away though. “You’re all bad liars.”

“Lets go swim.” he says excitedly. 

“There’s a pool? I didn’t bring a swim suit.” you say, bummed.

“Can we go later, I’m hungry.” Jay says and you agree.

“Me too.” 

Jake tugs at your arm. “Come on~ we can order room service or ask Jay to get us something.”

“We can get you guys something.” Sunghoon says, pulling a hoodie over his head. 

“Please?” Jake looks at you with shiny eyes. He’s and adorable drunk too.

You purse your lips and sigh. “Fine. But I don’t have anything to wear.”

“Just wear shorts and a shirt.” Jake says as he tugs his swim trunks out of his suit case.

“I didn’t bring shorts because you said it was gonna be cold.” you complain, crossing your arms. 

“Uhm,” he stops for a moment. “you can wear my boxers then.”

You raise your eyebrows. “Huh?”

“What?” he looks at you. “They’re basically shorts. And they’re clean.”

You hesitate but then comply as always. He tosses you a pair of black Calvins.

You steal one of Jay’s shirts and make your way into the bathroom to change. You’re wearing a simple cotton bralette which should be fine for the pool. You bundle up the rest of your old clothes and stick them behind your backpack before heading out with Jake. 

The pool is empty and huge and is only light by the lights inside. 

“It’s so cold.” you rub at your arms as Jake sets your towels down at a seat.

“I’m sure the pool is heated.” he says and dips a toe in. “Yeah, it’s warm.” Before you can even reply, he tugs his shirt off and canon balls in. You turn your face to avoid getting splashed.

“How is it?” you call out as he emerges from the water. He shakes his hair around like a dog. 

“It’s warm so come in, you look funny standing there.” he teases and you roll your eyes. You kick your sneakers off and try to make a peaceful jump in but you didn’t realize you were in the deep end. It takes you a moment to get your senses together and swim to the surface.

“Why is it deep?” you say, a bit out of breath. 

Jake giggles at you. “Remember when we used to play and you were the mermaid and I was the-”

“Turtle companion.” you finish his sentence. “Yes, as clear as day.”

“Why couldn't I be a mermaid too? Why was a I a lame turtle.” he fusses.

“I’m sorry okay?” you laugh. “I was a mean child.”

“Yeah you were. I’ll never forgive you for shoving that clump of dirt in my mouth.” 

You burst out laughing, flailing your arms in the water to try to stay afloat. “You deserved it!”

“I did not!” he protests. 

“You cheated in handball! It was one hundred percent deserved.” you say, swimming over to him.

“I barely cheated!” he calls out, starting to swim away from you.

“Barely? I would’ve won and been champion of our grade if you hand’t pulled that shit!” you say, still laughing and swimming after him.

“Why are you chasing me?” he says while hopping around the pool where he can touch the ground.

“So I can shove another clump of dirt in your mouth.” you try your best to get him but your heavy cotton shirt is holding you back. You don’t let it stop you though. 

You finally get to him and tug his arm. He yells as you push him underwater. He finds the ground though, and shoots up soon after. 

“Are you trying to drown me?” he looks at you, astonished but giggly. 

“Maybe.” you shrug before tackling him again. It had been a while since you two wrestled like this. 

You’ve got him under water for a bit until he finds your rib cage and plunges you in. It’s hard to hold your breath while you’re laughing. You feel around for him and pinch his thigh only semi hard. He lets you go after that. 

“I won!” you celebrate with your fists in the air.

“You used pain, that isn't fair.” he rubs at the area that you pinched. 

“Don’t be a sore loser. I won fair and square.” you cross your arms.  “Fine.” he admits his defeat. “that pinch hurt though, come kiss it better.”

Your face twists. “Nuh uh.” you say plainly. 

“Please?” he asks. “I will drown myself right now.” You laugh at him. 

“I will do it!” he insists.

“Okay, okay! I’m not to going to kiss your leg you weirdo but I’ll give you a hug.” you float over to him and wrap your arms around his shoulders. “I even pinched you lighter than I normally would.”

“I’m sensitive.” he says into your neck and you giggle. 

His arms feel so right around your waist and you struggle to decide when to let go, so you just don’t, and neither does he. He holds you decently tight and you feel him pat your back. 

You’ve hugged plenty of times before but it felt a little different this time. Probably because you’re pressed up against his bare skin. It makes you feel a bit sheepish. 

You pull away from him. “Feel better now?” 

He nods with a smile. His cheeks are pink, but this time it’s not from the liquor. 

Jake’s POV

I can’t help but feel disappointed when she lets go of me. 

I shouldn’t have patted her back that's a dad thing to do. 

Her makeup has started to run down her face which makes me giggle.

“What?” she asks.

“Your mascara is making you look crazy.” I say and her hands fly to her face.

“Shit I forgot I had it on.” she attempts to wipe it away but all it does is smear it across her face. 

“Here,” I say and float over to her. “I’ll help you.” this was not on purpose.

I hold her face as gently as I can in my hands and rub the runny mascara off with my thumbs. I dip my fingers into the water to get all of the bits off. 

I want to kiss her so badly, but I know that I’ll never do it. Sometimes I get irritated at myself for not being able to confess. I think Jay and Sunghoon get irritated about it too. 

“You talk about her all the time man just ask her out.”

I don't know why I can’t do it. If she rejects me she’ll do it nicely and things would go back to normal pretty soon. But I don’t think I could live knowing that my feelings would never be reciprocated. Sometimes I get a feeling that she likes me too but I can never be too sure. 

“All gone.” I say and she thanks me. 

She lets her self float on her back. She has a small smile on her face and she’s so pretty I could cry. There have been multiple times where I nearly cried over how much I like her.

“What are your thinking about?” I ask.

“You know I never know how to answer that.” she bleats. “My mind always goes blank when you ask.”

“Well try to remember what you were thinking about then.” 

“Us.” she says plainly.  “Us?” I questioned. “What about us?” “I don’t know, just how I met you guys and how happy I am to be friends with you all.” she says. 

Oh. She meant all of us. 

“Yeah me too.” I agree, trying not to sound down. “Who’s your favorite?”

She snorts. “I don’t have a favorite.”

“Of course you do,” I say. “and it better be me.”

“Why would it be you?” she jeers. 

I frown. “Because we met first.”

“I’m kidding, of course you’re my favorite.” she admits.

“And why is that?” I egg her on and she rolls her eyes. 

“Because we met first.”

I sigh. “Is that all?”

“Mhm.” she says. 

Y/N’s POV

You’re met with InNOut that Sunghoon and Jay got and also a room full of teenage boys. The younger ones were laying on their stomachs on a bed together, watching something on a laptop. Sunghoon and Jay were trying to watch t.v. You say trying because of the furious clicking on the remote. 

“What the hell are you guys trying to do?” you and Jake plop onto the one empty bed.

“Trying to find the porn.” Jay grumbles.

“Infront of the children?” you look over at the younger ones.

“They don’t care they’re watching YouTube.” he says, still clicking. 

You take a bite of your burger. “You have an endless arena of porn on your phone why do you want the t.v. one?”

“The t.v. makes it special.” Sunghoon says. 

“Weird.” you mutter to yourself.  “They’re probably gonna make you pay for it too.” Jake chimes in. 

“Do you think it’ll go to the school’s credit card or whatever?” Jay asks with wide eyes.

“I don't know but if it does they’ll know it’s from our room.” he says through a full mouth. 

You grab pajamas out of your bag and head to the bathroom to shower. 

You come out feeling fresh and the younger ones have gone back to their room now. 

“My turn,” Jake says, walking into the bathroom. 

You sit next to Sunghoon on his bed and start scrolling through your phone. 

“Should I get this sweater or this one.” he holds his phone up to you and shows you light blue sweater and a black one.

“Second one.” you say.

“Really?” he questions. “I feel like it’ll make me look emo.”

“You should become emo honestly. It would look good.” you reply and he chuckles. 

“You’d have to help me with my eyeliner every morning.”

“Yeah,” you giggle “wait can I do it right now? I wanna see how you’d look.”

“Right now?” he cocks a brow and you nod. “Okay but don’t give me raccoon eyes.”

“I won’t I won’t.” you rush over to your bag and bring your make clutch to the bed. 

“Hold still.” you tell him as you give him smokey winged liner.

“It tickles.” he says, trying not to blink too much.

“Beauty is pain.” you clean up the wing with your nail. 

In a couple minutes you’re done. “Finished." you say.

“Lemme see.” he grabs a hand mirror from your clutch and holds it up to his face. “Hold on. This looks kinda good.”

“Right?” you had to admit it; he looked gorgeous.

“Why are you so pretty?” Jay says from his bed. 

Soon Jake came out of the shower and it was hard to deny how good looking he is especially with his damp hair. How could someone make a t-shirt and sweats look so good? He dumps his laundry by his bag. 

“Does Sunghoon have makeup on?” he asks, settling onto his bed.

“Yeah doesn’t it looks nice?” you ask and he agrees. 

“Y/N are you gonna sleep here or in your room.” Jay asks.

“I thought I would just sleep on the floor here.” you suggest and he furrows his brows. 

“No that’s mean. Share a bed with someone.”

“You should sleep with Jake.” Sunghoon elbows you in the side and you shoot him a dirty look. “We all know he wants you to anyway.”

“Fuck off Sunghoon.” Jake looks over at him with a piercing stare, a contrast to his pink cheeks. 

“Is it okay if I do?” you ask him and he nods.

“Yeah for sure.”

Sunghoon snickers. 

“I hate you.” Jake scowls. 

After a couple hours of watching movies and horsing around it’s nearly midnight and your eyes are getting heavy. 

You crawl under the covers and scroll on your phone a bit before trying to sleep. Despite how tired you are it’s hard to sleep with the boys chatting and snickering to each other. 

“Can you guys quiet down?” you ask them.

“Sorry.” Jay says. 

After maybe an hour of sleep, you feel someone get on the bed. Probably Jake, you think to yourself. His little sighs as he gets comfortable are cute. 

“You awake?” he whispers. 

“Mm?” you turn on your side to face him. “Yeah.”

“Cool.” he says. The room is dark but the moonlight helps you make out the outline of his face. 

‘What’s up?” you ask.

“Nothin.” he says and you giggle.

“Okay weirdo. Go to bed.” you close your eyes, stilling facing him though. 

“I’m not tired.” he says.

“Count sheep.”

“That never works for me.” he sighs. “Sing me to sleep.”

You try to slap him in the arm but you end up hitting his face. “Oh shit sorry!”

“Ow!” he whines. “Why do you keep hurting me?”

“It was an accident!” you whisper and rub at his cheek a bit. 

“Now I actually deserve a hug.” he pouts and you roll your eyes.

“You are not five years old.”

“I still want the hug.” he says plainly and you sigh.

“Fine.” you scooch over to him and pull him into your chest. You pat his back. “There there. Better now?”

He shakes his head. “It still hurts.”

“You’re embarrassing yourself.” you scoff. 

“I have no shame when it comes to your affection, you should know that by now.” he smiles.

You feel his arm fall over your waist and his hand slide up your back. It gives you goosebumps.

You’re cuddling with him. You guys are cuddling right now. You think to yourself. No you’re not, you’re just...hugging. Right?

Jake pulls away to look at you. “I need to tell you something.”

“Are you gonna say your mom again?” you ask and he shakes his head. 

“No,” he says giggling. “it’s something for real.” 

“Okay what is it?”

He takes a sharp inhale. “I like you.” he winces. 

Your heart jumps a bit. “I know.”

“What?” he laughs.  “You’re very obvious about it.” you chuckle.  “Are you rejecting me?” he asks and you shake your head. 

“I would never.” you pull him in by the back of neck and push your lips against his.

[sweetea-rosey]

Ooo hi I saw you take requests? I have a writing request if you want to :))

So here is my idea:

Remus has a notebook given to him by the other sides to write his thoughts down in. See, Remus has clear impulse control problems so this notebook of for him to write his thoughts down instead of just doing and saying whatever comes to mind. It gives him a chance to think about it. Sometimes, maybe like once a week give or take a few days one of the other sides will sit down with him and read his thoughts with him just to make him feel validated and heard. Well this particular time one of the sides (of your choice) sat down with the notebook and found some rather interesting things.

Now, you can take this one of two ways (it’s really all up to you!)- You can make this something angsty (hurt comfort), or you can make it something shippy! It can be any Remus ship you want but I personally am more partial to intrulogical hehe 💙💚

Take your time and have fun with it!! Have a good day :)

Ah! Ty for the request! I started writing it on the day you submitted it, but Tumblr deleted it after a while of not saving :') so now my motivation to do this is deterred

Anyway, this'll be my first time not writing something Roman centric =w=""

Remus held the book in his hands. He remembered the day Roman gave it to him, when he risked traveling into the dark scape because he knew his brother needed this. Because he did, too.

An outlet.

A place for his monstrosities to be, other than inside his head, allowed to torture him to their best abilities. The illusions his mind creates are no longer just in his eyes. It's no longer insanity- it's creativity. The journal isn't the first one. But he and Roman make sure to keep eachother stocked up; they get filled rather quickly. The Imagination holds an entire library dedicated to their filled journals from over the years.

The journals have also become sort of diaries to them. So, imagine what were to happen if one of them got lost? The possibility of their secrets being seen by unbidden eyes.

Remus burst into Roman's room, "Ro!"

Roman jumped from his spot at his desk, "Jeez- ! What is it?"

Oddly, for Remus, he seemed almost anxious, "Have you seen my latest journal?"

Ah, that explains it. Roman understands the severity of losing something that holds your private thoughts. He stood up from his desk chair, turning to face Remus better, "No, I haven't. Is it missing?"

Remus nodded, unable to speak through the panic coursing through his veins, the hormone mixing with the feeling of the plasma we call blood rushing through veins and arteries, rest in his heart, which is thumping with vigor, the- Remus shook himself. The imagery coming on its own with nothing to do with it, "Thoughts, thoughts thoughts, thoughts, blood, where? Everywhere? It is me, I am thoughts and blood and gore and death and slime, and..."

Roman pulled his brother in, the physical touch of his second half grounding him, finally balanced out with his brother there to help him.

"Breathe, Ree...I get it...I'll help you look for it, okay? Do you have any spare journals?"

Remus shook his head. He had just started this one, he was too busy brainstorming on the pages to remember to restock.

"Okay, do you have the focus to conjur any, right now?"

Remus shook his head again. No no, of course not! He's too focused on the one that's missing!

"Alright, that's okay, Ree. I get it. Here, use this for now," As Roman spoke, he pressed a plain black book in the unstable man's hands, "Get some thoughts out on that, then we can start looking, okay?"

Instead of answering, he made the rest of the way into the prince's room and started letting the thoughts out.

.

.

.

"Feel better?"

Remus let out a breath and nodded, "A lot, thanks. Can we go look, now?"

"Of course, let's go."

It took hours. The sun was gone in Thomas' living room and they were still tearing the place apart, searching absolutely everywhere. Remus was tempted to just dismantle the mind palace and look through the stuff that gets left behind. The fear was boiling in his gut in the ocean of acid.

"What if we don't find it? My blood, sweat, and tears went into that book! Pieces of my heart are in there, I can't lose it, what if someone else finds it and reads it?"

Roman shuddered, because he didn't believe that Remus was being metaphorical, "I understand the severity of the situation, Ree. We should go look in the Lightside, now..."

Remus shrugged as much as his slumped posture will allow, "Sure..."

"We'll find it, Ree..."

"That's not what I'm worried about. If I lose it? Fine, I have others, I can start a new one. I'm scared of someone else finding it and reading it... there's things in there I don't want others seeing..."

"I get it, you know I do. We'll get it back before anyone else can even know it exists, alright?"

Remus just shrugged off his comforting hand, "Stupid prince, always making promises you don't even know if you can keep. Don't do that to yourself and don't do it to me. I'm not stupid enough to fall for that shit."

Roman recoiled, almost physically, "Sometime, people just need reassurance."

"And then, when you're wrong? I know you don't like breaking promises, Princey."

"...Then hopefully we'll figure it out."

"You're such a fucking optimist, it's gross."

Roman rolled his eyes, "I'm helping you look, be nice, you doofus."

"Oh wow, "doofus", I'm so offended," Remus said without much effort.

Roman ignored him.

.

.

.

"It's not HERE!" Remus screamed, a pot crashing through the wall.

Roman manged to muffle the noise and quickly put it back together, "We will, this was only the first room in the Lightside. You need to calm down."

"I can't! What if someone else already found it and read it? What if they hate me? What if they never wanna talk to me again because nothing in there makes sense, what-"

Roman caught his hands, "Woah! Woah...Remus, when did you start caring so much about what the others think of you?"

"I don't!"

"But...-"

"I don't care about what Logan and the other think of me."

"Of what...Logan and the...? Remus...is this about Logan?"

Remus hesitated just long enough.

"Oh great Aphrodite, it is..."

"Aphro-? NO! No, I don't!"

"Remus, is there something about Logan on that book?"

Remus said fuck it in his mind and sighed, "Yes... I...some fantasies...that he might not approve of..."

"Oh, Remus..."

"What if he finds out, and he...? He just doesn't...?"

Roman hit his brother on the head, "This is why you're a doofus. It doesn't matter if he finds it, you have nothing to worry about."

Remus rolled his eyes. Literally. He rolled them like dice and Roman had to look away, but got the message.

"How would you know?"

It was Roman's turn to roll his eyes (PROPERLY).

"I'm leaving you to figure that out. But, I do."

"Sure. Whatever. Asshole."

Roman moved on to look in the next room.

.

.

.

A flash of green leaped onto him and he was tumbling over, the item in his hands flying out.

"Remus!"

The man scrambled over and snatched the book up, "Did you read it?"

"I- no, Remus what is it?"

"It's mine. Roman, I found it!"

Roman? Since when do those two talk? But, as Remus said, Roman walked in.

"Oh, thank Hades."

"Logan had it."

Roman sucked in a breath, "Did he read it?"

Remus shook his head, relief is a weird expression on the man's face.

Logan wouldn't mind seeing it more.

"What is this about?"

Roman took the liberty of answering, "The book is Remus' and it's private. Reading it would be invasive."

"Oh, my apologies, then. But, I had just picked it up, it was left over from Remus' running through the room and into the Imagination, along with some other debris I cleaned up."

"It's alright, nerd."

Logan's gaze lingered on Remus a bit, before he bid his farewells, reminded Roman of some work he needs to do by Friday, then left.

"Y'know," Roman said as they turned to walk back, "You could tell him how you feel."

Remus scoffed, "I'm not self destructive, like you, RoRo."

Ignoring Remus' jabs is difficult for the prince, nevertheless, "And do, pray tell, how it's self destructive?"

"Because he'll say no and that will hurt. I don't like when things actually hurt. I'm not risking him hating me even more."

"Woah, woah, he doesn't hate you."

"Doesn't he? I'm chaotic, irrational, vile, ik everything he fights to keep under control."

Roman digested this and thought hard on how best to explain this, "But that's exactly why you two are perfect for each other. You help him let loose when he's being a stick in the mud and he helps you keep in control of yourself and stay organized.

"You're delusional. He doesn't like me, he can't Ro. It goes against our very beings! Go ahead and fool yourself, but you can't do that to me. That's just cruel." Remus disappeared and Roman sighed as he tried to brush off his brother's words.

As the embodiment of romance, he thinks he'd know when a couple will work out or not. How will he convince his brother and Logan of that? He supposes he can't blame them for that, who would listen to the love advice of someone who loves someone that loves someone else? Kinda hypocritical.

.

.

.

"Just leave me alone!"

"Remus! Would calm down? Just listen to me!"

"No! You're a liar and I hate you! Do you want me to get hurt? You're an asshole you good for nothing prince!" He screamed. Why won't his brother let this go? Doesn't he see that everyone is better this way?

"Fine! You're right! Is that what you want to hear? Call me an asshole, call me stupid, call me evil or whatever! But I'm not wrong! Why don't you believe me? Ha! Why am I trying to reason with the self proclaimed unreasonable?"

Remus looked down from his perch on the guillotine, "Wait, RoRo-!" But he was gone.

"Fuck."

He rushed out, hoping to Loki that he didn't do too much damage.

"Roman!"

But he found who he wants looking for.

"Why are you screaming in the middle of the common room?" Came that cool and sexy voice.

"Looking for my brother, duh."

"Funny, I just spoke to him."

"Where'd he go?"

"Not sure, but he told me to stop being a robotic fake and confess to you."

"He- ? ROMAN!" Remus summoned a hammer and maybe there's a new hole in the wall.

"He was right, surprisingly."

Remus was not expecting that, "Come again?"

"I have noticed, over the course of our interactions, that I have developed feelings that I didn't recognized until Roman brought them to my attention. Remus...I have romantic feelings for you."

And it was the last casual and calculated confession Remus ever heard. He imagined something with ropes. But it was the best thing he ever heard. He didn't expect to be crying.

"Remus?"

"I like you, too..."

Logan brightened and stood up, his heart beating unnaturally, yet pleasently, as he moved closer, "Then... perhaps we...?"

But before he could finish, Remus pulled him in and there was no need for words.

Part 2 with what happened with Roman afterwards?

Ty so much for the request and I apologies for the long wait.

@fireflyjunkie

[kojinnie]

Of Levi Ackerman!

Based on the request by an anon (whose ask I accidentally deleted), @weepinglevi​ and @thebubblybakery​​ for the 24/7 Writing Event from a loooong time ago.

Sorry for taking so long, hope you enjoy!

08.00 - Things he wished he could change about himself 11.00 - Their choice of music and their favorite musicians 20.00 - How do they sleep at night with you

.:24/7 Writing Event Masterlist:.

08.00 – things he wished he could change about himself

One of the best things about Levi is the fact that this is a person, who was born unfortunate, and had to overcome a lot of grievance in his life, yet still he managed to persevere and had his heart to the betterment of humanity with no ulterior motive. He had fought and lost a lot of things close to his heart for what he believed would bring them to ‘peace’, despite the fact that he was never acquainted with the idea of peace itself ever since he was born. Imagine how pure this man’s heart is by the fact that Levi could persevere that long for nothing but an obscure idea in his mind that he never had grasped before.

So, naturally, in order to keep fighting, Levi had come to the point where he had a lot of self-acceptance for himself. He had grown past the need to change himself, for he already understood that the energy he spent grieving for things he could not change, were energy wasted when he could use it to do better things for the humanity that he cared for. Sure, there were years in his life where he wished he wasn’t mocked for his height, or his uptight nature. But to be humanity’s strongest soldier, one has to have the utmost awareness of one’s strength and weakness, and Levi was very well aware of his qualities as much as he had embraced it. He knew where he lacked, so he could devise moves and strategies to patch the areas where he would be susceptible in. And that’s why he always excelled against someone like Zeke, because Levi accepts his flaws and learns not to ignore or deny it, but rather makes adjustment in form of strategic thinking and hard work to make up for it. Levi is far from being conceited, he knew the goal of his effort was not himself, but rather the world around him, so he’d learned to accept of who he was and who he will always be.

11.00 – their choice of music and their favorite musicians

We knew that Levi had dreamed of having his own tea shop once the war ends, but he also had the dream of building a warm, comfortable home he never had growing up. He’d always dreamed of a breezy home, with sun rays shining through large windows – something that was nothing but imagination for a man growing up in the underground.  And with the idea of a homely dwelling, also came the idea of melodious tunes that would seep throughout the room of his cottage-like house. Tunes that he’d listen to serenely, as he sips his self-brewed tea. He’d want something comforting. Music as sweet and as temperate as his tea.

In the modern!au, he would listen to classic jazz or big band jazz when he’s feeling upbeat, but overall it’d be old-timey songs that evoked a keen sense of nostalgia. If you visit him in his home, you’d be greeted with the likes of Nat King Cole, and Billie Holiday, or even older tunes from Bessie Smith, while Levi’s around and about in the house; cleaning, cooking, or working on a new project – the music would never stop playing. It would take a while for Levi to open his front door when you come visit, because he’d be so kept-up with his work and with the music playing all through the house.

Levi is definitely the type to have a particular song that he’d play every day at specific time of the day. He does not have a lot of expression, so he’d need some kind of output to display how he’s feeling, and he does it through the music that he listens to. When he wakes up feeling giddy, he’d put ‘Those Lazy, Hazy Days of Summer’ by Nat King Cole, and probably dance a little with his broomstick, but only strictly when no one is around except his cat to watch. Levi would also have a specific tuned he’d play when he’s cooking, mostly Bessie Smith’s songs. Levi would never sing it though, for he knows he’s not good at carrying tunes, he’d just hum, as he stirs the stew in the pot. If Levi had any song to play during intimate time with his significant other, he would definitely choose ‘I’m A Fool to Want You’ by Billie Holiday and ‘The Very Thought of You’ by Nat King Cole.

He’s the type of person who’d like to put his hands into good use – he brews his own tea, builds his own furniture, and plays music exclusively on turn-table’s vinyl. Not because he was pretentious (like Zeke), but he’d enjoy the process of it. He would have a closet dedicated to store all his vinyl collections that no one knew before. In fact, no one would ever guess that Levi’s big with music for he never talked about it. They’d just assume that this seemingly cold man finds music irritating, when actually his heart is full of tender melodies – he would just never utter it out, because music is his personal enjoyment, not his outward hobby and interest. In conclusion, Levi is alike to a cat, he might appear mean and cold, but inside he is awfully domestic.

Click here for the music: Those Hazy, Lazy, Crazy Days of Summer - Nat King Cole I'm A Fool To Want You - Billie Holiday The Very Thought of You - Nat King Cole

20.00 – how do they sleep at night with you?

This man is so meticulous about the arrangement of his sleep, especially when you’re in an established relationship, before you spend the night, he would want to know whether this is the type of sleep that’s meant for sleeping cause, or is this another alternative where one of you’d end up panting and coming. Whenever you inform him that you’re coming over, he’d be blunt and asked, “Should I prepare?” which by any means, he’s asking whether he’s gonna get laid or not. Answering no would be the answer he looks forward to most times, because you’re dealing with a very busy man with very little amount of sleep – he’d like to keep you around, to have your scent and warmth lingering around his bedroom for days on end, but not so much on having sex. Before you come over, he’d make sure to change the sheet, open new reed diffuser, and stock up your favorite snacks. He’d cook a little too, maybe small finger foods that you’d munch on as the two of you watch your favorite docuseries.

When the two of you sleep, most often you’d go to bed earlier than him, because he’d sleep very late at night and wake up very early as well. Sometimes it can feel lonesome when you’re about to drift off to sleep and he’s still not by your side, pacing around doing work or cleaning stuffs. You’d call out for him, and he’ll just hum acknowledging or yelling over from the other room, “You go sleep first.” Just when you’re about to fall deep into your slumber, you can hear him entering the room, and go on with his nightly ritual. He’d clean himself up in the en-suite bathroom, washing his feet (something he’d always do before climbing up to bed), brushing his teeth, moisturizing himself (because’ he’s got dry and flaky skin). He’s got this odd habit of re-ironing his pajamas before bed although they’re neatly hung already. He just likes to feel the warmth left by the iron slate, and the smell of Fabreeze on the garment he sleeps in.

He’d turn off his alarm when you’re sleeping over because he wakes up at dusk and he doesn’t want to ruin your sleep. He’d always sleep on the bed side by the window, and you’d already know not to roll over to his space. Levi likes to see you sleeping, hearing the soundly noise of your breath makes him feel at ease and it may be one of those few times in a day where he smiles. Standing by your bed side, he’d run his fingers through your hair and leave a small peck on your eyes and nose. You’d scrunch up your nose because sometimes his kiss tickles, and he’d chuckle. Once he finally decides to go to bed, he’d immediately glide his arms to wrap your waist and be the big spoon to keep you warm. He’d kiss your shoulder and keep his face there for a while, breathing to your neck. He’d draw a very deep exhale, as if he’s glad to retreat to your embrace after a hard day. When you mumble, “Go to sleep, Levi.” He’d hum and bury his face in your neck and hair as he mutters, “I love you.”

A/N: I’m sorry I had to skip the request for NSFW parts, I have been feeling very off with all things sexual and didn’t wanna force it. Sorry again :(

[wigglesforsquiggles]

1-10 >:]

this is the second time i've had to type this bc as i finished tbis it got DELETED ;-;

1. what are 3 things you'd say shaped you into who you are?

uhh one is definilty when i discovered you tube for the first time and promptly got sent down a medical rabbit hole, leading to my intense fear of rabies, seeing a dedication video to a dead child by their parents who were convinced he was jesus incarnated (as in, actual jesus, not a metaphor for being an angel), and the little part of my brain that diagnoses me with every disease i learn about

another would be kneeling on the landing next to my sibling late at night, watching my parents watch tv. you could just about see into the living room from there, and we often snuck down the first set of stairs to watch tv once we were sent up to bed bc we were bored children and didn't want to sleep. i always felt to proud whenever we heard my dad stand up (he has knees that click like a horse) and ran upstairs giggling before he could catch us out of bed. looking back we obviously made a lot of noise and were definitely not as subtle as we thought

lastly i'll say getting lost in this museum when i was like 5. there was this mini gift shop half way through the museum and i got distracted with an etch-a-sketch (it was the first time i had seen one) and fiddled with it for a while (i was trying to figure out how it made lines), and then i looked up and i was alone in a massive room. i must have cried a little, but i stayed where i was and waited for my parents to find me (despite wanting to go further into the museum to find them), and eventually they came back for me :D i can't remember if i went to an employee and told them i was lost or not but it was very scary at the time

I just remembered what i put originally for one of the paragraphs so u get an extra one. one time i read the part of the huger games where Rue dies 3 times a day for a week to make myself cry just to prove i could. i can't tell you a reason past i would still do this today if i used my kindle more

2. show us a picture of your handwriting?

3. 3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

i must confess i almost never rewatch anything - my ability to watch films ourside a cinema is almost non existent anyways lmao

the only time ive rewatched any film is The Old Guard where i needed to show it to all my friends but could only hang out w them on different days, leading me to watch the film 5 times over 2 weeks.

maybe i'll say the mama mia films bc ive only watched them w friends and it's just fun to sing along

4. what's an inside joke you have with your family or friends?

ok, do not question me with this but "arson" being a code word for incest

i will not explain more than telling you lockdown was a weird time and a conversation that starting with immortal fairies having dna lead to this

it's very funny thoigh when i randomly hear the word and this specific firend and i make eye contact, trying not to laugh at a joke only we know

5. what made you start your blog?

i saw so many tumblr posts screenshotted in instsgram, and i finally caved and got in on the action :D

6. what's the best and worst part of being online/a creator?

best - making friends :D i love being able to talk to people all over the world and just ask how they are and see their opinions. @ ing ppl on posts that make me think of them is an unmatched joy :D

worst - the discourse. i get upset rly easily and also am still working on my critical thinking skills so it's easy for me to get caught up in drama and let it affect me emotionally. i only rly. price it when im offline for a few days and go: wow i feel so normal

7. what scares you the most and why?

death, mostly. i used to stay up late at night and cry silently because i was so scared about not existing anymore. simply my mind being gone and not being able to do anything about it. but i just don't think about it anymore and it's all good :D

8. any reoccurring dreams?

like 30% of my dreams are reoccurring actually. all my dreams are incredibly vivid and nonsensical (more random plot points being put together like a game of madlibs more than anything else)

i guess i'll say the one about being stuck in a water parkour course in a pair, (with the aesthetic of fire bot and water girl) and finally climbing up a vine with my partner after being faster than everyone else, and getting to attend a lesson on how to have lesbian sex - in a room like my local gym (and worrying bc i wasn't out in this dream)

9. tell a story about your childhood

i got to play moshi monsters for the first time on my mums red laptop on the island counter at age 9 i think - but i had to stand up because my foot was in a blue container filled with salt water because there was a splinter the length and width of my pinky stuck in the bottom of it

i later went to a&e to get it taken out after a day because it took that long to convince me to go to the hospital (i was terrified of pain and medicine and wouldn't let anyone touch it). the doctor that saw me was very nice and used numbing spray (very cold) and got it out in under 5 seconds. to this day the only time ive been in hospital bar being a baby.

10. would you say you're an emotional person?

oh 100% - it's a meme amongst my friends at this point. i was assigned those greyhounds that jenna marbles has that look like they're crying all the time , for reasons you can guess

i also feel things very intensely, happiness anger and fear are all very overwhelming to me and it's only in the past few years ive been able to get them partly under control