#i need to be more consistent with her tag
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cĂŽng chĂșa
(ghost x könig's-sister!reader)
summary: You're just a student trying to make through med school with your sanity intact. That last thing you needed was to be kidnapped to serve as a hostage for a half-brother you've never met.
At least the special forces operative here to help is cute.
originally posted on ao3 (wordcount: 3.8k)
Rating: T
Relationships: Simon "Ghost" Riley x Reader, Kate Laswell x her wife (I call her Jean), König & Reader <- PLATONIC
Ao3 Tags: meet cute! in a prison camp / First Meetings / tries to follow canon characterization / less so canon events/timeline / so some things (like the villains) are VERY vague / Past Suicide Attempt / Undercover Simon "Ghost" Riley / Unmasked Simon "Ghost" Riley / (Temporarily) / reader has a name & backstory but I tried to make it unobtrusive
this is a part of a series
Author's note: I do write this story with a specific OC (check the series masterpost if you want a full breakdown of her) in mind just so characterization is consistent, but I tried to make it possible for you to replace her with whoever you imagine. I do have to explicitly mention details unique to the OC (most obvious example here being her ethnicity), but for the most part I'll try to keep things open ended (ex: using "your hair" instead of "your dark hair").
Also, as I mentioned, the OC's ethnicity (half-Vietnamese) is pretty plot relevant this chapter, but if that disrupts your reading flow, feel free to mentally replace it with whatever makes sense for your own personal read-through. I'm not used to writing in second person, so the verb tenses are kinda screwy.
Also this is in the tags but TW: DISCUSSION OF A PAST SUICIDE ATTEMPT (character has for the most part fully recovered)
cĂŽng chĂșa:
People could be so fucking stupid sometimes. Bold and stupid. Newbies especially. New recruitsâor in this case, new criminal organizationsâalways think theyâll be special. The exception to the rule.
Take for example, this new group who had the bloody brilliant idea of trying to control special forces (and a handful of top PMCs) by kidnapping anyone ransom-worthy they could get their grubby little hands on. Which meant a lot of missing parents, kid siblings, and SOs.
Ghost couldnât tell if they actually thought that would work or if this was just some distraction. Perhaps an intimidation ploy or a small part of some greater plan. Either way, in reality, all they ended up with was a whole bunch of pissed-offâand very well trainedâsoldiers, many of whom were willing to do anything to get their loved ones back. Even allying with their greatest rivals. Ghost didnât predict to end up working with KorTac of all bedfellows, but even their lads werenât safe.Â
In the past month, he'd had to bear witness to his comrades and competitors getting wrecked, worried sick over their nearest and dearest. Laswell mightâve single-handedly revived the tobacco industry and heâd never seen Johnny so torn up.
Ghost himself had been spared any grief. He wouldâve liked to pretend that it was because his mask had protected his identity so well, but the reality was much simpler and bleaker. He had nobody to take. Tommy and Joseph and Beth and Mum were all already six feet under. Nothing would ever change that.
That being said, the mask wasnât useless.
The hostagers had done extensive research into all their personal lives. They needed to in order to find out who they could kidnap and how. They had become intimately familiar with every combatant their cobbled alliance could sendâwith one glaring exception.
They certainly knew about Ghost, but not even they knew Ghostâs faceâat least according to the dossier smuggled to the Task Force.
After that was discovered, going undercover was less of a choice and more of a duty.
----------
âJean?â
The womanâs head jerked up at the whispered sound of her name. Finding no one in front of her, she swiveled. Her eyes landed on an idle balaclava-ed guard.
âDonât look at me,â the guard commanded. He followed his own advice, keeping his gaze trained on the horizon. His voice was low and rough. Familiar.
Jean Laswell hazarded one last glance at him. She squinted, trying to place where she'd seen him before.
A stifled gasp rang out as her eyes widened in recognition.
âGhost?â
âKeep your voice down, Iâm undercover.â
Jean tried to keep her body language innocuous, eyes now glued to her own clasped hands. The last thing she wanted was to blow Ghost's cover.
âItâs good to see your faceâ or er, hear your voice.â Pleasantries aside, she went straight to the first question on her mind, the one that had plagued her sleepless nights. âHowâs Kate?â
"Smoking like a chimney, but otherwise holding up. She misses you."
"Are you here toâŠ"
"Not yet. KorTac and the team are planning a mutual offensive, but we need more intel before exfil becomes viable. Intel I was tasked with collecting."
His tone didn't reassure her.
"ButâŠ"
"I ran into a little roadblock. I was supposed to receive, memorize, and orally deliver crucial information about the compoundâs layout and security flaws. Weâd had some limited online communication with our informant, but couldnât get anything sensitive past the security systems. So I volunteered to get it directly. Unfortunately, we didnât know that our informant only speaks Vietnamese, Cantonese, and some very broken Russian. The dictionary heâd been previously using isnât complex enough for the level of detail we need. Our shared Russian skills arenât much better. I canât leave until I have the intel memorized and I canât memorize it until we find a translator."
"Could you leave and come back with a translator? A digital one maybe if you can't get anyone else past the guards?"
Ghost shook his head, âThey know that we're trying to infiltrate them. Theyâre very strict about what technology gets in and out. Besides, my cover is only so good. I should be able to get a believable excuse to leave camp, but the scrutiny required for re-entry would compromise it.â
Jean pursed her lips in thought, running over the possibilities. She paused, half thinking out loud.
âI think the princess speaks Vietnamese.â
âPrincess?â Ghostâs eyes widened beneath his mask. Shit, no one told him they'd taken someone so high profile. That significantly complicated security procedure. âI thought all their targets were lowkey.â
âNo, no, sheâs not royalty. Sheâs a med student. Itâs just a nickname,â Jean hastily corrected with an embarrassed laugh. âWe have a lot of those here. We get kinda bored.â
Ghost silently thought back on his own POW experiences.
âThings could be a whole lot worse than boredom.â
âThe perks of being a hostage," Jean responded dryly. "Need us in one piece.â
âSo whereâs this âprincessâ of yours?â
âThere,â Jean pointed at the upper level of the compound's eastern turret. âYou can see where the nickname comes from. Sheâs in solitary, but she has a window that we talk to her through during yard time.â
âWhat'd she do?â Unless the hostage takers were worse than he thought, they wouldnât put someone in solitary for shits and giggles.
âSheâs⊠a special case."
âWhoâs she tied to?â
âThatâs the thing. We donât know. Not even she knows.â
âWhat do you mean?â
âWell, I know Iâm here because of Kate. Ritchieâs here because of his uncle. Troy because of his brother. Eileen⊠could be her nephew, but itâs probably Soap. But Eliseâthatâs her name, Elise Veidt. Do you know any Veidts in Special Forces or KorTac?â
âNot to my knowledge, no. Could it be her boyfriend?â
Jean shook her head, âNo. The common theory is an uncle or half sibling. Both her parents were civilians, but her father had family and an ex-wife on the other side of the Atlantic. She has no idea where they are now or if theyâre even still alive, but it seems the most likelyâif not the onlyâpossibility. Plus she was single when she was discovered.â
Ghost's brow furrowed.
âDiscovered? What do you mean by that?â
âThere was⊠an incident. It ended with her being taken into custody.â
Ghost wanted to press for more detail, but Jean flashed him a look that stopped him in his tracks. She was married to Laswell, and that doesn't happen without being able to hold her own in an argument.
âItâs not my story to tell." Her tone was measured, but Ghost could tell this was non-negotiable to her. âSheâs a good kid. Just got in a bit of a rough patch. Along the way she had her blood tested and it mustâve pinged⊠something. Next thing she knows, sheâs getting transferred. They refuse to tell her where. When she resists, she gets knocked out and wakes up here.â
âThat still doesnât explain the isolation.â
âWe think that whoever sheâs related to, it must be someone important. Or someone very dangerous. Someone theyâre scared to anger.â
âThen why did they kidnap her if theyâre so bloody afraid of pissing the bugger off?â
âTaking her was probably a calculated risk. Returning her damaged a death sentence. They wanted to make sure she doesnât get hurt, either by her own hand or someone elseâs.â
----------
Ghost cautiously approached the cell door. According to the directory, this was âDetainee #934287: VEIDT, Elisabeth.â He peered through the grate, careful not to get too close to the openingâhe knew firsthand how solitary confinement could warp the mind and liked having both his eyes intact.
From what he could see, the cell had a tiny cot, stripped of its sheets on the left. On the right was a wash basin and bucket. In between was a small windowâjust large enough to stick your face out of. It wasnât the worst cell Ghost had seen, but it wasnât homey either. It also appeared to be empty.
âWhat theââ he muttered under his breath.
The low rumble of his voice almost made you jump from your position, sitting leaned against the door. The window was your only connection to the outside world, but it also made your cell freezing so you tried to stay as far away from it as possible when there was no one outside to talk to. You paused, confused then intrigued. You didnât think they had a British guard. Slowly, you got up.
He was closer than you assumed. Right up against the door, you almost had to suppress the urge to jump again. You silently mourned the fact that such a pretty pair of eyes were wasted on some terrorist dipshit.
Still, you were bored enough that anything seemed intriguing.
âYouâre new.â
âYouâre Elise, right?â
Your lips quirked with all the cockiness of someone who knew they couldnât be touched.
âShouldnât they have already debriefed you on that?â
âThe only person whoâs briefed me on you was Jean.â
Your eyes narrowed. You may have only been able to communicate through a tiny window, but you trusted Jean. You knew her. She wouldn't rat on you, not without a fight.
âWhat did you do to her?â
âNothing,â his voice grew even gentler. Soft in a way that commanded you to hang on every word. âIâm here to help.â
Attractive voice and eyelashes aside, you were still unimpressed.
âReally?â
âI'm on a reconnaissance mission for Special Forces. I was supposed to memorize this file. I wasnât told it was going in Vietnamese.â
You perked up at this. Finally, things were making a little sense.
âI speak Vietnamese.â
âSo Iâve heard.â
You took one last look at him, trying to figure out if this was a trick or some sick game. Then again, if it was, what would they even do? Your captors didnât seem allowed to punish you physically, and mentally there wasnât much more they could do. Fuck it, you had nothing to lose.
You reached out your hand, âGimme.â
He slipped you a folded up piece of paper. You unfolded it to reveal an annotated set of blueprints.
âPen or pencil?â For all you know, he could be picky about that sort of stuff.
The man stood up to dig for something in his vest. You quietly realized that heâd been bending down to look you in the eye. This man, whoever he was, was tall.
He passed you a pen. You noticed that while his hands were gloved, a whisper of a tattoo peeked out as his sleeve rode up. It looked like it could be the bottom of a skull. Or a very small picket fence. Probably the former.
You figured he'd turn away and leave you to your work, but he doesnât.
âAre you going toâŠâ
âNo,â he responded firmly. âIf either of us get caught, at least two of us are screwed. I know I can get myself out of it, but our informant canât. I wonât have his blood on your or my hands. So Iâm going to keep watch.â
Itâs slightly awkward with him just standing there, but you did your best to lay the blueprint flat against the wall and start scribbling away. Still, you couldn't help but let your eyes flit to him, now with his back to you, standing guard.
âWhere are you from?â
âHmm?â
âYour accent, whereâs it from?â
âShouldnât you be focusing on your work?â
âI could do this with both hands tied behind my back."
He made a doubtful noise.
You let a cheeky smile grace your lips, âPen in my mouth, paper on the floor. Handwriting might be chicken scratch, but itâd still be legible.â
If you could see his face, you wouldâve noticed his eyebrows raise as he tried to picture it. You on your knees, leaned forward with your ass in the air, hands bound, tongue twisted around the pâ
âSo, the accent? Where?â
âThatâs classified.â
You tilted your head in thought, âItâs Northern, right? British, not Scottish. You donât sound like Eileen.â
He bristled, quiet in a way that tells you youâre on the money.
âLook, how about this. For every question you answer truthfully, Iâll do the same. I wonât ask you anything I know you canât tell me, not even your name. I just... wouldnât mind a little conversation. Theyâre kinda in short supply here.â
A beat passed.
âManchester.â
âI knew it!â
He made another noise. You think it was a laugh. You think it sounds beautiful.
âMy turn. How do you know Vietnamese?â
âMy mother. She immigrated from the South when she was young. Judging from some of his vocabulary, Iâd guess your informant is from the North, but the dialects arenât all that different, especially in script. What food do you miss the most?â
âAnything that isnât an ORP.â
âAn ORP?â
âOperational ration pack.â
If your hands were free, you wouldâve crossed them.
âThatâs a cop out.â
âFine,â he relented. âI could go for a Nandoâs takeaway.â
âWhat sort of food is that?â
âChicken. Flame grilled with this Peri-Peri sauce andââ
He groaned. Itâs a noise you want to hear again.
Mimicked him in commiseration. The plates the guards slid through your food slot were pitiful, to say the least.
He starts to ask you something but seems to stop himself.
âWhat?â you asked.
âItâs⊠I shouldnât.â
You were many things, but you weren't a coward.
âI can always choose not to answer. Hit me.â
His voice was still hesitant as he asked, âWhat did you get arrested for?â
You were worried that the question would be gross or embarrassing, not utterly nonsensical.
âArrested?â
âJean said they found you because you were taken into custody.â
âOh,â your cheeks flushed. âIt wasnât that type of custody. I was 5150-ed. Or more accurately 5250-ed.â
âPardon?â
âI tried to kill myself. I failed.â
The man froze. He turned around, trying to get a glimpse of youâand any woundsâthrough the grate.
âDo you need medical attention?â
âNo,â you reassured. âI stole some valium and then drank myself silly. I was found in time and they got me help before any irrevocable damage happened. If they hadnât spotted the note they wouldâve just written me off as some foolish party animal, pumped my stomach, and let me be on my merry way.â
You haphazardly glanced at him, expecting him to be stone cold. A proper soldier. To your surprise his eyes, those stupidly beautiful eyes, are trained on you with more care than you've seen in the last three months combined.
âWere you a user⊠before?â
You shake your head but your eyes remain locked. You couldn't bear to break contact.
âNo. Too busy with school. But then my mom died and suddenly everything was⊠too much. Going to med school and becoming a doctor was what she wanted. The loans, the sleepless nights, the blood, sweat, and tears. It was all for her. Not me. I wanted to make her proud. Happy. And now that will never happen. Without her, I didnât really see the point of continuing to put myself through hell. I tried to drop out, but the program wouldnât let me. So I figured might as well cut out all stress in my life instead.â
âAre you planning to try again?â
âNo,â the answer is honest. âIâm not giving these bastards the satisfaction. Plus I need to find whoever put me in this situation in the first place and give them a piece of my mind.â You turned back to the blueprints, gently trying to shift the tone back to the comfortable rapport you had earlier. You missed it and you need him to stop looking at you like that or you might do something stupid. âThat was like three extra questions. It's my turn now. Any hobbies?â
âHobbies?â
The very word sounded foreign on his tongue.
âYou know. Do you have a secret passion for knitting or something?â
âEmbroidery, actually. And thatâs no secret.â
âSo, anything you do outside of⊠espionage or whatever your job is?â
âI dunno. Football. Tattoos.â
âGiving or receiving?â
âThe latter, though I have been curious to learn it.â
âGot a steady hand?â
He smiled, thinking about something you know he wonât tell you.
âYou could say that.â
âAnything else?â
He paused for a moment. You can tell thereâs something on his mind. He just hasnât resolved whether youâre worth it to tell to.
âThereâs a bare knuckle boxing club I like to go to when Iâm on leave.â
You havenât seen him in combat, but thereâs something in the coiled posture of his stance that tells you he knows how to handle himself.
âI bet you kick their asses."
He says nothing, but you swear he almost preens.
"Could you teach me?"
His lips quirked.
"How serious are you being?"
"Pretty decently. They got me this time. I won't let that happen again. Not without a fight."
"If you're ever in Town, visit Stuartâs and ask for Simon. Might be able to give you a few pointers."
You look up at him, grinning.
"Simon, eh?"
He smiled. His gaze was still intense, but its stifling mixture of pity and worry was replaced by something warmer that made your chest flutter.
"Can't promise I'll be there, but the lady at the desk should be able to tell you when I'll be back."
You folded the blueprints, neatly passing them through the cell bars.
"Well, Simon. Here's your translation. Give them hell."
----------
Chaos. Complete and other chaos.
Smoke and bombs and bullets. You agonized over whether or not to look out the window. The unknown of what was happening was almost scarier than the reality. In the few furtive glances you spared, you caught the bodies. So many bodies. The only relief was that all of the dead seemed to be guards.
You thought back on Simon, dressed in the guardâs garb. These are probably his people. He mustâve gotten out and they mustâve gotten the intel. By now heâs probably on his next recon mission. You were able to learn a little about military structure from what the other hostages told you about their families. If his specialty was infiltration they probably weren't going to waste him on a direct assault like this.
Manchester. Stuart's. Simon.
You didn't need to see him before then. You just needed him to stay alive, wherever he was.
The cacophony slowly grew closer. You didn't know whether that was a good or bad thing.
A loud buzz rang out as the power grid malfunctioned and the hallway outside your cell was plunged into darkness.
Something was happening and all you could do was sit back and listen.
There were screams. Some seemed to be of pure joy, others of painful death. Many you couldnât tell apart.
There were gunshots. Often followed by gurgles and the sickening sound of someone falling to the ground. There were footsteps. Heavy ones. Slowly drawing nearer.
Someone jostled the cell door. You froze, holding your breath. Maybe they wouldn't even notice you.
The darkness outside your cell moved. A single blue eye peered through the grate, surrounded by black.
"Stay back," the eye commanded. You were all too happy to oblige him.
There was a quick bang and the cell door swung open, revealing a man. A large man.
He bent down to enter the cell before standing up to his full height. Clad in black with a mask you'd expect on a cartoon executioner, he unfolded like an eldritch piece of origami. He just seemed to keep on going.
âAre you Elisabeth?â Hearing it again, you realized his voice was accented. Up close, his demeanor transformed. He seemed... nervous. Incredibly so, barely even able to get the words out.
âYes,â your voice is almost as hesitant as his.
âIâ I amâ Ahââ his feet shuffled about anxiously. Any bravado he had from battle has melted away, leaving him almost curled against the wall. You catch sight of a patch on his left side. Red. White. Red. The Austrian flag.
âSprechen Sie Deutsch?â ( Do you speak German? ) you asked. Maybe talking would be easier in his native language.
The man perked up, surprised but excited.
âJa! Du auch?â ( Yes! Do you? )
You nod, âMein Vater war Ăsterreicher.â ( My father was Austrian. )
You knew this was a possibility. Even with the covered face and the giant height difference. Still, his next words caught you off guard.
âIch weiĂ. Ich bin dein Halbbruder.â ( I know, Iâm your half-brother. )
----------
The tall man, your brother, escorts you out. He promises to tell you everything and more once youâre away from this wretched place wo die WĂ€nde haben Ohren (Â where the walls have ears ).
After being cooped up for so long, your legs protest the walk, but you pushed through. You were a free woman and you would never take that for granted again.
The exhaustion was worth it to step into the daylight with your own two feet.
Once your eyes adjusted, you realized that two portable camps had been set up on the perimeter. As predicted, there was no sign of Simon. You did see a couple familiar faces though, along with a plethora of heavily-armed strangers (including a man wearing a skeleton mask of all things!). Eileen was deep in conversation with a mohawk-ed man, but she threw you a warm smile as she spotted you heading to the other wolf-emblemed camp.
"Are you alright?" a voice called out at you. It was British: Northern, but rougher and gruffer than Simon's had ever been. Still, you allowed yourself to revel in the fantasy for a moment before you had to face the speaker and ruin the illusion.
You didn't know who you were expecting when you turned around, but it certainly wasn't the skull-masked man.
Up close he was even more striking. You could just barely make out his shaded eyes, alone in a void of black and white. He was shorter than your brother, but still tall by any measure. Even at that size he managed to sneak up on you two.
Your heart was racing. You didn't know why.
"Yeâyes," you managed to stammer out.
Your brother noticed your distress. It seems to give him a confidence to act that he couldn't summon for himself.
He wrapped a protective arm around you and began to lead you away.
âSheâs with KorTac,â he said, like that explained everything.
During your confinement, you had plenty of time to think about what you would say to whoever got you into this mess by joining the military. You had dreams of really digging in and tearing them a new one. All of those dreams flew out the window now.
It wasnât like you couldnât or were afraid to antagonize someone as big as your brother. But, seeing him⊠you didnât want to do that, or anything that could hurt him.
You wanted to talk to him. To get to know him. Toâsilly as it wasâprotect him.
After all, he was about the only family you had left.
#simon ghost riley#simon riley x reader#ghost x reader#platonic König & reader#platonic konig & reader#König#konig#cod#call of duty#fic#fanfiction#cĂŽng chĂșa#cong chua#die Prinzessin series#die Prinzessin au#cod mw2#modern warfare reboot
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I would die for Reid đ
Me too buddy, me too
#anon#reid#assistant reid#i need to be more consistent with her tag#making me think about that reid x reader request again#reader-ception
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#alise kincarron#prolly the wrong tag but im still on dragon city and she and leftrin arent married yet#i assume they will be eventually#alise#anyways alise design. i have a clear picture of her in my head i just have to get a consistent design down for her#this pic needs more freckles#rote#realm of the elderlings#rain wilds chronicles
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my pookie baby angel âșïžâ€ïžđâšđđđ„°đ she's done nothing wrong ever in her life literally the perfect deadalive nothing girl who isn't. they hated her for her sacrificial lamb swag
#one day i will draw my redesign of u bby...#orinposting#need to use that tag more consistently so i can look through my collection whenever.#orin is not a baldurs gate 3 character to me she is my daughter. i raised her myself
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it's 1:30 am and i'm thinking about how logan and rory both grow up feeling like their lives aren't really theirs. how logan uses risk and impulse as a way to feel some semblance of control over his life in response to his father's control. how in contrast, rory spends her life with a tight grip on just about everything, clings to safety and a clear path forward, because she worries that her success is the thing holding her and her mom's life together.
#logan leans into recklessness and rory leans into careful control#how those different approaches reflect their different relationships with their parents#logan is just full of resentment and anger while rory loves her mom so much and couldn't stand it if she didn't make her proud#i could say so much about logan's consistent willingness to risk his life. cause at least that means it's his to risk.#rory feels that nothing is hers to risk. nothing at all!#and how their relationship helps them both find balance between these two extremes#logan realizing that finding love and care for himself and others is its own way of rebelling against his upbringing#or that love and care is more important than rebelling at all#rory realizing that sometimes you need to jump to make anything happen#that her life should be hers not just the fulfillment of what lorelai's 'should have' been#they just. were building a life together that was something other than what so many people thought they should build.#it was theirs and no one else's. and it helped them each feel for once like their lives were their own. i feel SICK.#idkkkkk goodnight#rogan#rory x logan#logan huntzberger#rory gilmore#u already know this is not going in the main gg tag
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There's a tiny part of me that's raging that I can't write a story without worldbuilding or plot or anything like that.
I started with the intent of making smutty hotness of my own desires. Instead I've ended up with a dozen worlds, each with their own fucking societies and traditions and season and shit.
All because I can't drop myself into a story - I have to have more than "what if - smut". It's always "how did they get there?"
And right now that feels like more trouble than it's worth.
#gemma rambles#I'm just in a mood suddenly#I think it's been brewing for a bit though#I'm just grumpy#Am I reworking my notes for Feylands? Yes#Am I reworking my notes for the Contract? Yes#Is this just so I can make sure I'm consistent? Yes#I need to noodle some more on CoTW and Palace Hallways#But it's all the same fuckin' shit#wrapped in different paper#except I couldn't just go GET THE SHIT#I had to dress it up differently#Flowers and Stitches and Brix are just a different story wrapped in different paper too#fuck I'm ranting in the tags again#Never mind go about your business#nothing to see here except a Gemma losing her marbles
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four years for this show...
#IM SORRY. ITS JUST. IM SO. HHHHHRGN#its fine. its good. its entertaining to say the least#but from a writing perspective......#im not an anti i am the worlds biggest helluva boss enjoyer the hellaverse is SO SPECIAL TO ME#but.. the more i see about hazbin s1......#how in over four years was this what you came up with. how is the pacing this insane. how is this character treatment ok.... PLEASE#my sorta toxic trait is that as someone obsessed with media analysis; narrative devices; and story structure -#as well as just. someone who is an aspiring showrunner/creator working on my own huge projects -#is that every time i come across a movie or show that i think is done in a really lacking way. all i can think about is how i would#have done it instead#(this happens in a non-critical way too tbf if i really enjoy a book or game i'll be like they should let me make a based on film)#but hazbin. hazbin. all i have right now is 'i could fix her' in my head#I WOULD TREAT THESE CHARACTERS RIGHT I WOULD GIVE THEM THE NARRATIVE THEY DESERVE#there is. so much potential here. how is the execution so lacking#mine#good ideas!!!! good moments!!!!!!!! THE OVERALL CONSISTENT NARRATIVE IS NOT DOING SO HOT#as a side note though i really think this is why helluva is doing so much better in terms of pacing and writing. the structure of that show#is so much more accommodating to a long intricate story WHILE weaving in a billion different character stories#8 episodes for hazbin is insane season 1 needed twice as much#nyx crit tag
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finally found a place to read With the Light online and i'm thrilled; if you haven't read this manga i do Legitimately recommend it
#N posts stuff#like don't get it wrong it Is Not a series about being autistic it Is a series about raising an autistic kid#but also don't be put off by that because it's legitimately a series that I feel Loves autistic people with its whole being#it's kind of a teaching manga so it showcases a lot of different opinions/characters/conflicts/etc. but the Framing is very consistent#in that the manga is Extremely of the opinion that autistic people are People who deserve to be Valued and Accepted As They Are#the onus for change is never put on autistic individuals the framing is basically Universal in the 'the World needs to change#to be more accepting' -- it's a very Social Model depiction of autism that ALSO never veers too far into the#'autism isn't even Really a disability' fallacy; it's very much a 'A lot of autistic people will need constant support in a variety of ways#throughout their lives but that isn't the roadblock preventing them from having their own lives; ableism in society is the roadblock'#the first two chapters are the hardest to get through bc they take place before Sachiko has any real understanding of autism and#so she's isolated and stressed out and the ignorance makes it difficult for her to care for Hikaru properly (there's also a lot of#other characters Blaming her for what's going on which goes unchallenged at this point though that changes later); but after she#understands what autism is she's Firmly in Hikaru's corner for the rest of the series - you can skip right to ch 3 without a problem#if you're not interested in reading about that initial conflict#there's still a Lot of conflict ofc but by then the chapters have some of my favorite moments so i don't want to advocate skipping#them; like Hikaru's daycare teacher explaining how Hikaru's difficulty speaking is the same as other kids' troubles with#things like jump-roping/etc.; and then a mother who has An Issue with Hikaru's presence in her daughter's class realizing the#depth of the problematic opinion bc Her mother (who had a stroke) faces similar ableism from her peers#i'm cutting this post off b4 the tags get Too long but if you're curious but still hesitant man. send me an ask and i will Happily#write an insanely long essay about how much i love this series; i have all the books i'm not excited about the online availability#for Me i'm excited bc i've been wanting to rec this manga for like almost a full decade and i can finally give you a link instead of#saying 'well. you can find used copies sometimes' lol
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Yeah I do extreme sports (<- is a Marin and Link's Awakening fan that does not care for Marin/Link)
#marin has 379 fics in her tag on ao3. once u filter out the linked universe (2/3rds of the tag) and marin/link (half remaining fic) it's 64#I also have not played Hyrule Warriors and am usually not interested in Zelda crossover fic (that aren't alttp)#filter out non-Link's Awakening/ALTTP/'LOZ & related fandoms' fandoms and you have 30 remaining#like man I hope ur all having fun I just wish it was a little easier to be aromantic and romance repulsed in fandom#also on tumblr u guys need to tag ur ship more consistently#my posts
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The fucking disconnect is so real.
#theo's thoughts#Story time for the people who love reading tags bc I love sharing things in the tags#So I work at a therapeutic day school and this past school year like four school days before Thanksgiving break I was asked a question#The question was if I would be willing to step up and be a long term sub in a middle school classroom#To me this was less of a question and more of a hey we need someone to do this and you're who the assistant teacher asked for#Which cool yeah fine I'll give it a go I really like that person (the assistant teacher who asked for me) and I trust her judgement on this#I was asked and accepted on Thursday. Fridayâ Mondayâ and Tuesday happen. Then three day Thanksgiving break#When we got back from break I was the teacher and it was rough at first and it sure as hell was never easy but I enjoyed it#My formal teacher observation was my boss basically going like so I see you doing all the things and the basis is there#But it's not being followed through on because of behaviors from the most unmedicated classroom I've seen in all my years working education#And now for the summer they're changing 2/3 staff that were in the room and who even knows who the teacher will be (a new hire? Maybe?)#If there truly is a new hire coming in (fed to the wolves immediately btw what a dick move) but that new hire will be the fourth teacher#These kids have had in a year? A year and a half max. The fourth. After the only thing I've been repeatedly told by admin for months#Is that we need to be stable and consistent because we may be these kids' only reliable source of that consistency and stability?#So you're going to have me come in and tell me I've done such a great job and then tell me you're moving me to 'give me a break'#Trauma informed care my fucking ass. I hope those kids raise fucking hell over it.#The brutal satisfaction of watching your own crops burn and knowing that the invaders will starve is great and all but these are kids!#They're barely just about to be teenagers (11 at the youngest and 14 at the oldest) and this is what you're going to do to them?#Yes they can be complete assholes and are often dicks to one another but they're in our school for a fucking reason? I don't get it.#Then two hours later after being told abt the changeâ the clinical director puts me as one of the three main recipients in an email#Saying that there's going to be a new student starting in that room in the summer and the real icing on the cake?#This all happens on last day before summer break. we're out of session for two weeks now and you're just dropping these changes on us now?#God I'm so fucking tired
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am finally back home and can say without a doubt that i am just fundamentally not built for long distance travel however the train was much nicer than planes
#that being said. pressurized cabins drive me insane a little bit#and also it gives you pretty intense sea legs for a While#like. the ones from the first trip hadnt gone away by the return one. so. might be stuck with that for a few days#we shall see#also ajr live fucks severely#the albums were already incredible but that was a goddamn religious experience#like. idk the way i think abt it is theyre more djs than a regular band esp w their performance showing the making of way less sad#like their music is very electronicâ theyre making mixes of their own sound effects more than singing in one go#so like. the vocals were a teeensy bit rough at times#notably times it has taken me Literally Hundreds Of Hours Practice to be able to consistently sing along with#and times ive found its literally physically impossible to like. no matter what#idc how big your lungs areâ there is no human on earth who can do that final run of karma in one breath#much less to An Entire Stadium After An Hour Of Jumping And Dancing And Singing Loud As Fuck#so like i dont blame them for thatâ you dont go to live shows expecting it to be 100% perfect anyways jwbdjsbfksb#the trumpet however. well she was certainly playing sometimes. and was very enthusiastic about her flares.#however. in most of their songs they use midi trumpets to my ear at least#meaning she was likely an addition specifically for live performances and in my personal band kid opinion#prooobably was not in any of the like. higher tier bands? idk just. a lot of the mistakes she was making were hitting as stuff that got#taught out of us the instant we joined any band beyond regular concert#so i would guess she was probably just like. a friend who happened to play trumpet in high school or maybe even just middle school#and they knew that the trumpet parts in their pieces were big and distinct enough that like they /had/ to get a live player#and just kinda. didnt anticipate the audition -> performance gap#like. her tone was really fried the whole time like she was playing as hard as possible#which. she was mic'd. have the sound guy turn her up.#the way they did it made it sound like she was using a mute but not. like she only got the bad parts of a mute from it yknow#her tempo and timing were. bad. theres no nice way to put that one it just Was Badâ like the trumpet runs in ajr songs arent. complicated#like. quite literally if you handed me the sheet music right now i would have it down perfect in a week at absolute most#and better than that player on sightread. like. we did so many sightreading drills.#like ill share my band kid creds if anyone cares but i need to emphasize this isnt me being braggy like. they genuinely just arent hard#fuck im out of tags. w/e i think only like one of yall also listens to them anyways so i can leave it there
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To follow on from that last ask answer:
Lorenzaâs succubus companion (screen left) compared to her initial form directly after the Flood of Darkness (centre) ..compared to her form directly before the Flood of Darkness (top)
And if you want to know the full story (Endwalker spoilers for the last picture, technically)..
This is (my in-game recreation of) her counterpart shard ^-^
(Cessair is apparently an Irish name meaning âsorrowâ or âafflictionâ, so part of me is tempted to call her Thirteenth counterpart Tristezza, which means âsorrowâ in Italian. But Iâm not sure if I will go that far yet; my focus is moreso on Cessair herself. I have quite inexplicably gotten attached to her despite this encyclopaedia entry and Cait Sithâs dialogue during the Shadows of Mhach quests being just about the only information to exist regarding her. When Lorenza enters the Source in the main story, it is the third time she has done so. Appearing to Cessair in the Fifth Astral Era was the second! The first was to the Allagans.
How do I know Cessair had counterpart shards, you might ask? Because you can see her unsundered self in the game as well - next to Cait Sith, at that!)
(..You would not believe how much trouble I had to go through to unmask her and the others. But I got there in the end!)
Thank you to anyone who has taken the time to read this ^-^ Iâm just having fun here, hehe
#I might change her hairstyle to look more like the actual wind-up doll#but I was trying to keep it consistent with her counterpart shard#the same is true of her eye colour because I somehow failed to notice the dollâs eyes are gold#heart of the void#selfshipping#sure#friend: mage of forbearance (cessair)#I kind of want to just keep everything for her under that one tag#even if it isnât 100% correct#platonic F/Os#of shards and crystal (final fantasy)#maybe I should change that to âsettingââ instead#funnily enough despite the exact horns being available in-game it is very difficult to make a glamour that looks like the succubus outfit#I donât exactly think of her as acting how they normally do in things but. let me know if I need to tag that outfit attempt nevertheless#I highly doubt I will really do much with it though. thatâs half the reason she just exists as the doll /lh
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I feel like Iâm going insane lmaooo
Because I donât hate the movie, it gives me âgreater insightâ to see⊠the actual plot of the movie?? What kind of logic is that?? Just because you donât like it doesnât mean itâs dogshit? Like yeah it isnât without criticism, but really now.
âEveryone was content [until she learns *her* familyâs wishes wonât be granted]â like. Hello? What part of her saying âyou make them forgetâ did not land??? Of course they were content when they were brainwashed and fed lies (the repeated âgive without regretâ line is actually sinister!). And while yes it started with her grandpa, she was horrified when she realizes, and the king confirms, that most of the kingdomâs wis/hes will just be kept there, while the people â who have been *changed* because they gave up the best part of them without truly realizing what that meant â continue living in a bubble of the kingâs own making
Like I really do feel like people didnât actually watch the movie or, if they did, did so with one eye open just so they can continue being angry at it for whatever reason
#I hope this isnât any where near the movieâs actual tags#because I just needed to vent because I cannot talk to people like this anymore lmao#especially people like the first one#who has consistently shat all over movies led by women of color#like was this movie the best thing ever? no it was not#but it also wasnât dogshit or even half as bad as a lot of people make it out to be#itâs actually got the clearest and simplest plot and message#and yetâŠ#I must be getting too old because I truly do feel like Iâm going insane#but Iâm not old is the thing!!#and I swear this harping on concepts/art is so pointless#she canât even be a main character in her own movie noooo people wanna talk more about a nonexistent twink boy over her#shippy speaks#or more like rants and rambles lmaoooo
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diamant, the horrors chamber, and why heâs just so fun to mess with // the diamant-sertation series
iâd talked a little about this before on twitter about diamant angst and if iâm doing alright (iâm fine just biochemistry major go brrrr) and i just remembered this:
and i wanted to think about this for a little bit. iâm going to try and not retread old ground, but thatâs kind of impossible if i want to break him in a realistic way.
but i was mostly thinking about how easy it is to destabilise him. i might be woobifying him too much, but i swear, iâve been through this rigamarole before with a variety of characters. iâve hurt characters over and over and over again, testing their limits, watching them bend and potentially break, and diamant has keeled over the fastest. itâs kind of funny in a bit of a twisted way.
but i mean it: why does he bend to easily compared to others?
i think itâs because he Refuses to experience The Horrors, and so when something encroaches on that tenuously stretched self control, he simply cannot deal with anything new, so he shuts down. youâd think heâd have a fight response to new stressors (he is of brodia; if you canât fight, then what kind of brodian are you?) but i think heâs gone past that point. heâs dealing with enough already as it is, just One More Thing just will set him off. heâs tired, overwhelmed, and bottles everything up because He Should Be Able To Deal With It.
thereâs definitely an allegory of being undiagnosed neurodivergent in here somewhere but we donât have time to unpack all that.
but since diamant is so easily burnt out (which, haha, funny fire trauma go brr), heâs just an easy target to picking at all of his weaknesses and flaws. diamonds have very predictable cutting planes, and if manage to hit one just right, the entire crystal will shatter.
#rex rambles#fire emblem#diamant#diamant fire emblem#fire emblem diamant#fe engage#fire emblem engage#story abt the breaking in realistic way: i'd once met a writer in a different fandom who tortured the charas as a sign of love as one does#she at least tagged her shit so i could avoid it but what most struck me and drove me insane was how all the characters were consistent...#consistently same-y that is. all of them filled the same basic tropes of weak and abused + abuser which doesn't work for some characters#also she wrote one of my favourite characters as an abuser to a character he would never abuse and though he can be neglectful he's not...#he's not like an outright abuser like that. unfortunately a lot of ppl keep stepping on his goddamn trauma so he's very testy#but he's loyal to a fault been burned before scared and angry and he just needs a friend that won't hurt him like he's been hurt before#i have a mild headache and biochem to work on so this is as far as i can go rn so i'm sorry if this one is a less polished than my usual#i just find it interesting that he will bend sooner and requires much more time to. ah. rehydrate him. so to speak#if you want him to be healthier and less stretched thin#bc that's what burnout does: it messes with your ability to Exist and work and the more chronic stress that piles up#something will inevitably snap and usually it ain't pretty
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JINBEEE I LOVE YOU!!!! JINBEEEEEEEEE
#there is no man more consistent or noble than him. he really is the gentleman of the seas (or knight idk with the translation)#i think he has like a luffy is going to die detector built in. he was about 5 seconds away from ripping his hands out#FLASHBACKS FLASHBACKS FLASHBACKS#luffy needs to eat the food sanji made for pudding..... do you see...#reiju was suspicious from the start.... hell yes#sanji going insane again... to the liat#reiju has her mind straight.... end germa and save sanji yeah.... but dont die girl...#so reiju has feelings because her mother is not the same as her brothers??? and like germa didnt go that far with the tech yet???#bc their mother just complaining about the four and not her daughter.... idk she calls her mom still.... maybe its just the tech#that wasnt as advanced when she was pregnant with her so she has feelings still#oooohhgg the toxin only worked with sanji... thags why he is normal....#being beaten up on his mothers grave.... christ.....#reiju is an older sister for reals.... having to deal with her mom being worried about sanji and then worrying about him too#reiju knows their father doesn't like her as much bc she has feelings too deep down... poor girl....#jesus christ sanji take her with you!!! if she doesn't end up happy.....#nothing more to say reiju i love you too girl#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 819#reiju you don't need to die!!!! i get the symbolism but you can be good too!!!!#you tell em pedrooo!!! fuck that egg!!! AGAIN!!!!#NOT AGAIN!!!#pedro with the explosives again qjdhakshka he came PREPARED#luffy strangling a guy for info.... this one is a first....#so brook just came to steal the poneglyph with no paper or ink????? wtf#roger could hear everything and thats why he could read the poneglyphs....#well luffy killed that man (to me)#reiju changed the bracelets omg!!!! QUEEN ICON SISTER OF THE YEAR OF THE DECADE#think about what matters sanji!! *thinks about luffy* OMG AND LUFFY LOOKING FOR HIM!!!!#episode 820
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Does anyone else like... feel less cis while on their period?? Like, a lot of the time I'm good with seeing myself as "girl, mostly" but I find that around my period I often start feeling less girl than I usually feel?? A little less gender perhaps??
#ask to tag#I'm sorry if this is weird or crosses any linesâ if so I'm unaware of those lines#and if need be I can delete this post#but this is just how I feel#like. idk how else to say it other than I feel more they/them than she/her while on my period#or more nonbinary than girl#or less binary I guess?? idk#and it's weird bc this isn't the first time this has happenedâ it's a relatively consistent thing actually#tho some cycles are more noticeable than others wrt this feeling#anyway#this is why I'm genderqueer lol#shit's fucky wucky as hell
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