#gemma rambles

[gemmahale]

To those of you who struggle to think you can be loved as you are:

Take it from me, someone who thought she had to separate part of herself to be loved fully - there is someone (or multiples!) that love you just as you are.

It's uncomfortable, it's itchy, it's awful to go through the process of learning to be loved.

It has been over two years of near constant fighting back, resisting - basically behaving like a feral cat in every way a human can - before I started accepting Kallen's love for me as non-transactionary.

(That's not to say that we don't fight now, or we never have disagreements. We just better understand each other so we can communicate through them.)

You are fully worthy of being loved with someone's whole heart as you are. I promise.

P.s. Love doesn't have to be romantic either. Platonic love is just as valid and meaningful. 💚 I love you - all of you. Just as you are; messy, chaotic, hellraiser, all of it is part of you, and it's amazing.

[gemmahale]

Kallen and I do something similar called "Satellite Time" - we both do our own things in the house, but every half-hour or so we check on each other - just a simple "You good? I'm good." *kiss* before we fuck back off to what we were doing.

That check in usually coincides with one of us getting a snack or some water or changing what we're doing, but it has a very similar effect of no pressure on either party.

so judging by how astonished people are by it every time we explain it to anybody, it seems like my wife and I might really be onto something here

during the pandemic, we invented something we call "astronaut time."

when it's astronaut time, it's like we are two astronauts wearing the big helmets, moving around the station on totally separate tasks. one of us is outside the space station and one of us is inside the space station. our radios do not work and we have no way of communicating with each other. we might see each other through the lil porthole windows, but we ignore each other because we both have different things to do.

"astronaut time" is how we get total privacy when we live in the same apartment. I will pretend you don't exist. You will pretend I don't exist. we have a nonverbal, zero-contact signal for when astronaut time is over (usually "I'll draw a smiley-face on the whiteboard in the kitchen when I'm done"). No talking, stay out of each other's line of sight, we are actively avoiding each other, unless you are currently experiencing a medical emergency goodbye.

it has been. a godsend. imagine living with your partner and being able to close every single tab in your brain related to social interaction. no fear of being interrupted by a "hey, quick question--" or "sorry to bother you, but do you know where the scissors are?" or "did you want something to eat, too?" Once or twice a month, we look at each other lovingly, hold hands, and say "baby I think I need some astronaut time tonight," and the other person goes "okay cool. bye! have a nice night!" and nobody's feelings are hurt and we both go and have a lovely evening completely by ourselves.

like idk it's a small thing but it's made our lives so much nicer, so if you and your partner/roommate are both people who sometimes need total privacy in order to recharge, maybe try it

[gemmahale]

Okay, I'm home, I've been on the road for the better part of 4 hours today due to a miscommunication and a cancelled event, and I've had this rant brewing.

Being Anti-Military and Pro-Veteran are stances that can mutually exist.

Games like CoD and whatever other FPS/Military Simulation game is out there is propaganda. It’s meant to make you want to sign up or support military action.

The military (I’m speaking specifically to the US, as I am most familiar with them by proxy) uses some incredibly underhanded techniques to ensure they have the warm bodies soldiers they need to keep the system working as intended.

This includes but is not limited to: promises of paying for education, aspirations of “seeing the world”, provision of job security, access to healthcare, a stable job and housing, etc. They use things like “patriotism” and “glory” and “security” to lure people in.

And then, when that person is wholly and completely reliant on the military - for a paycheck, housing, healthcare, you name it - they spit them back out into the world with a "thanks a lot and good fucking luck."

Into a world where:

Financial support for care has been axed and axed and axed again under "budget cuts"

Care is secured with red tape so thick you can tightrope walk across it

Care is denied for things the military caused (by saying "it didn't happen while you were serving".) *Yes, that's a direct quote from a doctor to one of Kallen's peers. When assessing a life-altering injury sustained while they were in country overseas, it was deemed as "non-service related injury”.

In comparison to civilians:

Veterans are ~40% more likely to be homeless.

Veterans are ~80% more likely to suffer from untreated mental and physical health issues - PTSD, hearing loss, nerve damage, etc.

Veterans are ~60% more likely to turn to addictive substances - alcohol, drugs, etc.

Veterans are ~70% more likely to commit suicide.

This isn’t limited to combat vets. Logistics specialists, administrative specialists, IT specialists all get screwed when they leave.

Ask just about any veteran that has served, they are incredibly likely to be staunchly anti-military.

The military causes a tremendous amount of damage to every person involved, even if they aren't aware of it at the time.

It’s a cult, it’s an abusive relationship, it’s predatory. Treat it as such.

Support veterans, advocate for their care. They made choices you may not agree with, but they made them because of what they thought the military was offering to them. Many thought they were doing the right thing for their country - that was the lie they were fed from 9/11 on (in the US). Then they were chewed up, spit out, and left for dead by the same people that made all those promises to them.

Here are some US-based, apolitical Veteran Support groups (many have International chapters/members):

22 Until None - 501-C3 that provides support to veterans by veterans. There are local chapters on Facebook that are all active and are listed on the website

Disabled American Veteran - Veteran help association; involved in legislation and local assistance, connections to VA advocates to help navigate the VA

Wounded Warrior Project - 501-C3 charity supporting disabled veterans.

Note: I am absolutely not doing the "not all servicemembers" thing here. I'm saying "veterans are living with their choices, and still deserve access to care."

[gemmahale]

Hey, if you need permission from an internet friend:

It’s okay to set the data down. It’s okay to walk away for a bit.

Here’s some ideas:

Make a cuppa something warm. Leave the poll results and the media face down on a table. Enjoy that warm drink.

Send a few friends (or a group chat) the worst dad joke you can think of right now. The kind that makes you groan-laugh. See if you can get into a joke-off.

Snuggle a pet/partner/stuffie/blankie. Talk about non-election things (even if they can’t talk back). Tell them about the crunchy leaves or the cool dog you saw today. (You can also call someone else).

Get a snack without checking results. Savor the flavor.

Do a craft! Keep your hands busy (and out of the device).

Put on a light hearted piece of media.

The results will be there after you do any of these. Watching them scroll in will not bring them in faster, will not change the outcome, and will not do you any good.

It’s okay to disengage for your own mental health.

If you’ve voted, you’ve done your job for now. We hold fast and wait for the next phase. You can rest for a bit. You don’t get a prize for overtaxing yourself watching election results.

Polls aren’t closed on the west coast yet. People are still voting (assuming people are staying in line. If you’re in line, stay in line!) Mail in/absentee ballots are still being counted. Do not give into despair or force yourself to stay awake to watch.

Signed, someone who watched the 2016 results roll in alone in a coffee shop (hard seat and overly cooled drink included), didn’t sleep for almost 36 hours and made herself actively ill because of it and doesn’t want you to go through the same cycle she did. 💚

[fcb-mv33]

They literally adore their little boy😭

[gemmahale]

Thank goodness for this post because I just had to go back and change 4 paragraphs to the right tense.

Better 4 paragraphs than 4 pages.

You should only write in present tense with extreme caution.

not because it's bad or anything but because if you do it even once you're going to be editing the bits where you shifted tenses out of your writing for the rest of your life

[ranger-ribbons]

Ranger Series Operators Headcanons

Ziggy isn't an orphan, he has a father. His father runs another cartel and has been quietly running it underground so far that not even the other cartels have heard more than whispers of.

Dillon and Tenaya's birth names are Daniel and Genevieve

Tenaya's implants are more complete than Dillon’s so once Venjix is defeated, she remembers everything. Dillon's memories come back slowly

Summer, Scott, and Flynn are ride-or-die friends. They'd hide bodies for each other if necessary and can communicate without speaking if necessary

Dillon thinks he stayed in Corinth for Summer, under the impression that she was the one who hooked that first fight into the satellite for Dillon’s borrowed car. Ziggy, forever the king of playing himself down, doesn't correct Dillon, he's just happy Dillon stayed.

None of the Series Operator Rangers are straight. Scott, Flynn, and Summer are all bisexual, Dillon is unlabeled and likes anyone (demisexual if he vibed with labels), Ziggy is gay (or bisexual leaning towards men), and Gem and Gemma are queer. Doctor K is the only one who's straight

If he knew to go looking, Dillon would find his parents' graves in the Wastes. They died protecting their children from Grinders, they were traveling to Corinth. Dillon's car belonged to his father

Gem and Gemma have a form of telepathy left over from the experiments done on them at Alphabet Soup, it's why they can finish each other's sentences

Ziggy has had a crush on Scott, Flynn, Dillon, and Gem, and a platonic one on Summer. He can't help it! They're badasses and Ziggy’s got a thing for people who could obviously kick his ass

Flynn is the oldest of the core Rangers at 25, Scott is 24, Dillon and Summer are both 21, Summer being a few months younger, and Ziggy is 18. Gem and Gemma are in their late 20s, Doctor K is 19

Dillon didn't just click with Ziggy, he actually only tolerated his Wastes partner for the few weeks they were in the Wastes together. But, somehow Ziggy grew on him

Ziggy is Dillon’s best friend, baby brother, and maybe more rolled up into one. Dillon adores Ziggy, but won't let it show. Ziggy, of course, knows this and adores Dillon right back

Scott, Summer, Flynn, Dillon, and Ziggy are all in what amounts to a Queer Platonic Relationship. They seek each other out automatically at this point. If so inclined, that relationship could turn romantic real quick

Scott gives doberman vibes, Summer gives white cat vibes, Flynn gives husky vibes, Dillon gives black cat vibes, Ziggy gives orange cat vibes

Ziggy was once a gymnast, which is the only reason he was able to fight as well as he did at first

The Rangers spar together even after Venjix is defeated

Dillon doesn't like Scott, but he does respect and love him

They're all fucking idiots at best, but Scott can and will chain himself to any of the Rangers if they try to run away.

All the Rangers have some form of abandonment issues. The least of which is Flynn, who has issues regarding his mother's death, the most of which is Ziggy, who was abandoned at the orphanage at age five

The Rangers are always in a rainbow of shipping, but none is more obvious than the RPM Rangers. You can ship anyone with anyone (except Gem/Gemma of course)

The hit on Ziggy’s head never went away, and he never expected it to. He was in the mob from age 10 to age 17, he knows better than to expect kindness from people who would kill him in a heartbeat

On that subject, Ziggy doesn't leave the garage unless he has another person (Dillon) with him

Dillon and Tenaya don't go back to their original names, but they do take their original surname of Sevenson (which is where Venjix got the Seven from)

All the Rangers have PTSD and nightmares. They sneak into each other's beds or have puppy piles on the floor. Usually, you'll see specific patterns with sleeping arrangements. For example, Ziggy hasn't slept in his own bed since the Venjix virus started taking over Dillon, but he rarely ended the night in his own bed even before that

Flynn is the fan-favorite Ranger, but it's a close tie with Dillon and Scott

[gemmahale]

Hey peeps, we gotta talk about accessibility again.

I’m so glad you’ve discovered how gradient texts work. They look so cool! (Come teach me, plz.)

But I can’t read that color-into-black gradient on my screen unless I highlight it. The text disappears. And I’m on the basic, default setting for Tumblr’s Dash.

I’m here for you matching your aesthetic! I love it! But please, for the love of my eyeballs, please make sure your constant is high enough to be legible by most people. (If I’m struggling on default, folks with migraine settings or other high-visibility tools probably aren’t faring much better.)

And please, please, please, reconsider using that gradient for your tags. I want to know what I’m walking into, and if I can’t see it, I can’t read it. Tags are a safety tool.

Make a banner! Make it an image and have the text below it! You have options!

But at the very least, please don’t use black/navy/dark grey as your second gradient color.

And please rethink using the teeny font for blocks of text. I want to read it without eye strain.

[petvampire]

Y’ALL.

one of the rescues near me has a new litter of soon-to-be adoptable kittens and…

IT’S. GEMMA!

seriously this is now her official character actor xD

ps if you’re interested in adopting this sweet baby or any of the other kittens, check out LaForge & Company on facebook for more info <3

[gemmahale]

Alt ID: Screengrab of tags that read "#I queued this #and it'll be fuckin' funny if I'm in the midst of a whole bunch of writing #(I probably won't be)

Laughing at past me who queued this post and knew myself too well.

I am also still missing my writing.

to anyone missing my writing please know i am also missing my writing

[queermentaldisaster]

“I've taken care of myself so far, I don't need your pity.”

Meet Gemma! She's fourteen and she ends up being adopted by Soap and Ghost.

She was one of the four kids that were originally all in one lab, before the group was ordered to set up more bases around the world for when their boss got out of prison. (Hm, this sounds familiar.)

She was transferred to a lab in Scotland, (yes, I know, but it's my OC, I get to stick her where I please) so she's got a Russian/Scottish accent.

She's a lot like Ghost, especially in the sense that she's extremely distrusting, private, independent, emotionally detached, ruthless, and just all around a cold and broken person.

But she's also like Soap. She's the sun, in the sense that she's burning herself every day. She'll take care of those weaker or younger than her, try to be too bright. She's a solar eclipse, the moon being the center, with a ring of bright light from the sun around it.

She used to protect Zeus before she was transferred when he was about four. (She was eleven.)

[staringrole]

i don't think you all understand how much carmen loves bobby

[shyshitter]

we gonna talk about how gemma chan was cast as two different characters in the mcu like they just completely forgot she was in captain marvel before they did eternals?

[fantasy-harvest-rune]

Oh dear…I am in full on (mainly autistic but also some occupational/ general life circumstances) burnout mode but will be going straight from the work week to my sister’s Hen Do this weekend. There will be about 20 other people, many of whom I’ve never met. So this could be…interesting…

Feeling so exhausted that I feel as if I’m coming down with the flu seems to be a weekly occurrence for me these days. I could sleep for about 3 days straight atm. All noises are bugging me - the sound of the bathroom fan, the traffic outside, the lightbulb in my bedroom buzzing. Feels ridiculous when I actually type it out like that because yeah…I imagine that’s NOT a regular experience for the majority of people. Yet I’ll still beat myself up for being “lazy” and not being super productive. I would need at least another whole day of the weekend just to have any chance of feeling recovered enough to face the work week. I don’t mean it would be nice to have to relax. I mean it’s the minimum of what I’d need to feel in any way rested and ready for the week ahead. It’s like suddenly becoming aware I’ve been playing life on hard mode when others have it on easy.

I wouldn’t want to change and suddenly become neurotypical now if that was a thing I could do, but my god there are times when it would be convenient…

[black-occamy]

After reading this amazing Remus analysis by @dufferpuffer I got inspired to try and put my ideas about the Pack in one place. It got a bit LONG though, so instead of hijacking a reblog of the post, I decided on a separate one.

I originally wanted to keep all these information to myself, gradually revealing it in a story, in hopes that maybe it will be fun for readers to discover it. That was a year ago. Since then I remembered that in fanfiction almost no one is expecting an original story and that almost no one is willing to give an OC a chance (unless said OC is slapped with a canon-like label and named Dorcas or Marlene or whatever). That said, I don't want it to sound like I'm giving up on my story - far from it - but since I'm currently stuck on writing and these concepts are just buzzing to be released - here goes... (It's a lot of rambling and after re-reading it a couple times I was seriously (ha!) considering not posting it at all.) (Mainly because it flattens my storyline to that of a romance and I have so much more in mind.) (But then, if I never finish it...)

Please note that if in the middle of reading this way too long post you decide that you'd actually like the story itself and don't want too many plot spoilers - links to ao3 are on my blog in pinned post. You're also more than welcome to send me a message with some words of encouragement - as all artists, I feed on comments, maybe it's yours that I need?

I've reiterated a couple times on this blog that in my personal headcanon Remus is a person who benefits from having support of loving people around him. What better way to exploit it in a story than to put him in a polyamorous relationship? (I mean, eventually, the story progresses from way before that happens.)

Chronologically speaking, Sirius was first for Remus and vice versa - both emotionally and physically (well, almost). Somewhere around fifth grade they realised they have feelings for one another and that those feelings are - clumsily and carefully, as two teenage boys would have them - reciprocated. I believe they hid those quite well from James and Peter at least for a time. Even considering I'm pushing my fanfiction timeline to more modern times, them being in a homosexual relationship would have been at least frowned upon (I know kids nowadays don't believe it, but it's true - being called "gay" used to be one of the worst insults a boy could receive in my primary school, sadly). This is also main reason why Remus - being who he is and hysterically afraid of being discovered as a werewolf - would basically force Sirius to keep their affection a secret. Sirius, the clingy and touchy labrador that he is, had horrendously hard time with that, but he tried. He really tried.

Still, it took but one outsider comment about "those filthy gays" (not even a wizard, random non-magical) for Remus to bail. Mind, I put zero blame on that gangly, insecure teen, who was ABSOLUTELY HORRIFIED that he was SEEN on the street and COMPLETELY CONVINCED that he was dragging his beloved Sirius with him to the pits of discontent and social ostracism. So he broke up with Sirius, running away with his tail between his legs. Sirius, unfortunately, took it really badly. He is, after all, a devoted person, a wholehearted person, and he was ready to take on the world headfirst fighting for his right to hold his boyfriend's hand... If only his (now former) boyfriend was brave enough to do the same. Eventually Sirius realised that he cannot force Remus to be who he doesn't want to be and in an act of incredible maturity on his part - he let go.

Given that this doesn't happen in a void that is unaffected by other students and events of the First War, by the time Remus broke up with Sirius, they were already forming a sort of relationship with my OC Gemma, a muggle-born Slytherin. There are plot reasons for that, obviously, but from the future pack poly standpoint, what is relevant is that she was always affectionate about Remus, feeling the need to protect his secret (that she figured out, being decently inquisitive bookworm and nosy observer). She was close enough to him that in a moment of fondness they actually shared a very shy and sloppy first kiss (something Sirius would be bringing up for years and years in the future as a relentless jest). Sirius, on the other hand, riled her up by being an immature bully right until their final year in Hogwarts when he managed to grow up a bit, war and everything happening around him. With that change and with the fact that he was pretty literally smitten by her in a wand duel, they get together by the end of their seventh year and proceed to date along first couple years after. They match pretty well too - she is smart and keeps him on his toes, she doesn't accept his shit and gives as good as she gets - and Sirius cannot help but get enraptured by her sense of honour and logical mind that works best under pressure.

There is too much tension between the two, however, and between Gemma working as an Auror and Sirius' "vigilante activities", their fiery romance burns out in a heated fight and they separate - with Sirius moving in with Remus in a weird attempt to reconcile with his former boyfriend (where Remus is actually quite happy playing the role of rebound, deep insight certain that once the situation gets a bit calmer, Sirius will return to the love of his life that in Remus' eyes Gemma rightfully is).

Unfortunately, all sorts of bad decisions and even worse events lead to the tragedy that we all know well - Potters die, Sirius is imprisoned, everyone basically assume that he was guilty (although Remus, ever blinded by his affection, has the toughest time to accept this).

Over the next decade and a bit, Gemma and Remus grow closer together, being the only remnants of their old friend group. They have good times and bad times - her expertise as an Auror makes her more suited to handle his monthly issues and that leaves him both indebted and having a safe haven to return to when he needs it. But she's also a type that doesn't talk about emotions well - and Remus is left to his overthinking, his silent fears of not being enough for an independent ex-Auror-turned-bounty-huntress. They have a lot of falling outs and get-togethers: Gemma quietly accepts that Remus will eventually get back when he's ready and she thinks it's impossible for her to force him to stay for good - and she loves him too much to even try and make him do something he wouldn't want. Remus is blaming himself for everything bad that happens with or around Gemma and often pushes himself to the last possible hour before the full moon before he resorts to reaching out to her and spending it in her cellar.

Enter events of PoA - when Sirius and Gemma get together again and across series of plot bunnies actually get married (in order to lawfully adopt Harry), Remus wants to quietly run away again, but, alas, plot reasons render him jobless (again). Which prompts Gemma and Sirius to offer him a temporary stay at Grimmauld Place, because where else would he go, when they have so many empty rooms...

And it works out. What neither of the three could manage in separate couples, finally clicks as a triad. Sirius gets the attention he needs, he's a voice for emotions, when they need to be spoken, and when his temper runs too high, it's Gemma's place to tone him down so that Remus is less affected. Remus gets an anchor in them both and in return he gives them all the care and attention, meticulously building a household in old Black mansion out of books, jazz music and warm embraces. He's the force of calm for the trio, he gets to share the responsibility with Gemma, whose mild after-war paranoia makes her ever-prepared for anything that may happen, and he takes part in Sirius' shenanigans when she is rolling her eyes, too solemn to take part in antics.

There's something missing, however. And eventually a fourth person joins, when Dora starts developing feelings for Remus - she doesn't know about their triad arrangement (given that Remus is still horrified at a thought of coming out to anyone outside of the closest found family), but she takes to the idea momentarily. After all, she was having a bit of celebrity crush on the "famous Auror Gemma 'the Occamy'" and after all, she's always up for more pranks with her cousin twice removed... Her romantic relationship focuses on Remus primarily, with him being in a solid enough place emotionally to never consider leaving, even though he's scared shitless when she gets pregnant with him, still haunted by the idea that he can bring a werewolf-cursed baby to the world.

I've written a few short pieces that portray their later pack relationship - with Dora they will eventually be able to raise hers and Remus' children (two), but there will be more kids and teens that will over the years fall under their protection, starting, obviously, with Harry. I think that's when Remus will flourish, being a caring and loving father, drawing from support of his three beloved people, his Pack. I also think that's something Sirius will excel at - while immediately rejecting the idea of having children of his own (Black) blood, he will devote himself to spoiling and raising all the kids who will LOVE HIM to bits.

It's not surprising, I suppose, to add that all four of them have patronuses that share the form of a wolf. They are each other's strength after all.

[gemmahale]

Kallen and I have decided to do this - we’re going to listen to the same podcast and do our stuff and then compare notes when we’re both done listening.

We’re starting a day late though because Fridays are notoriously busy and his back’s still on the lam.

November is coming and with it National Clean Your Home Month! I'm posting up a link now and will repost it around the end of October so people can explore, discuss, and plan.

The goal of "NaClYoHo" is not actually to end up with a clean home; it's to spend the month of November addressing what you’d like to change about your living space. Each day (or however often you want) you can put on some kind of media -- a podcast, a playlist, a movie -- and clean, organize, sort, or work on your to-do list until the media is over or you run out of steam.

The link above goes to the "Manifesto" where you can learn more about the ideas behind the project, plus find links to interesting aspects of previous years. You know you want to find out what a To Viking list is!

This year I've decided not to do a signup sheet, but I have gone through past years' sheets and created THE BIG DOCUMENT OF:

At this document you can find a massive list of media that past participants suggest, along with ideas for how to clean, tips for cleaning and self-care, and product recommendations.

Prepare yourselves, my salty pirate comrades! The month approaches!