#i need just a flash of him in the trailer absolutely freaking the fuck out

[demadogs]

oh how i miss mike wheeler

[doingthingsthewriteway]

Home

Summary: The world starts changing for alpha!eddie. 

Warnings: language, some fictionalized oppression to omegas (but eddie is an ally) 

The rut was crawling all over him. Eddie knew it was only a matter of time before he’d have to leave school (and fall even further behind) so he could deal with it. He hated just dealing with it. As a matter of fact, he hated the whole damn classification system. 

Alphas were treated with all this superiority bullshit. Hot head, knot head, pig. Name it and alphas had been called it. What society failed to realize was alphas needed to be taken care of just like omegas. Well, not just like omegas, but some goddamn affection would be nice. 

So no, Eddie wasn’t looking forward to his rut. Not in the way that other alphas like stupid fucking Jason Carver did. Jason had a beautiful omega that Eddie would love to take for a spin. Instead, Eddie would spend the week locked away in his trailer with a porn mag and a six pack. 

His bones ached, his nerves shot. He was ready to snap at the poor little freshman that followed behind him after school. “All I’m asking, Eddie, is why we have to cancel Hellfire?” 

“Henderson.” The growl was unintentional but got the job done. “I’m going to Indianapolis to buy something for my job.” 

“Can I come?” 

“Are you trying to get me arrested?” Eddie rolled his eyes. “No. You’re going to stay here. We’ll have hellfire next week.” 

Eddie tossed his shit into his van and started hauling ass to Indianapolis. Every month he’d go to the Emergency Classification Clinic and get what he mentally referred to as “rut relief”. 

He was a regular there. His favorite nurse was Sarah and definitely not because she looked and was a similar age to his mom. Nope. Absolutely not. 

“Sarah! My darling!” Eddie bowed dramatically as she entered his room, closing the curtain behind her. “Here for my usual.” He flashed a wolfish grin. 

“Always a pleasure, Eddie.” She pulled out his chart. “Alright, rapid fire rounds: any changes since your last rut?”

“Nope.” 

“Sexual partners?”

“Just my hand and my Heavy Metal.” 

“Emotional changes?” 

Eddie paused wondering if he it was hot in this room or if he was blushing. Surely to god he wasn’t blushing. “Well, I mean, I wanted an omega this month. I can’t explain why.” 

Sarah offered a sad smile, making a note in his file. “That’s normal Eddie. It’s a normal thing to want someone.” She sighed. “I’ve got good news and bad news.” 

“Bad news first, always.” His right hand shook every so slightly. 

“This is your last refill.” She sighed. 

“No, no, no.” Curls shook with each denial. “Sarah, come on. Aren’t I a fucking danger to society unmedicated?” 

“New federal laws, pup. Family First initiative or whatever. The goal is to reduce suppressant use by increasing mated couples.” 

“Well shit, what good news is there?” Big brown eyes watered ever so slightly as he looked up at the older beta. “I have to have them. I can’t go through a rut alone. It hurts and- this might shock ya sweetheart- but omegas aren’t exactly lining up to mate The Freak.” 

Sarah poked her head out the curtain divider, checking the hallway. Seeing that everyone’s attention was still very much held at calming the omega and her distressed mother, she let out a weighted breath. “There’s an omega here. Mom’s a total bitch-“ Eddie snickered earning a pointed look from Sarah. “We’re concerned that the suppressant prescription isn’t something the omega wants.” 

“Match-making? Really?” His brows furrowed. “Wait- why is the omega with her mom?” 

“Unmated omegas are regulated on suppressants by their guardians.” 

“Shit, this is fucked up.” 

“Preaching to the choir, pup.” Sarah shrugged as she tossed Eddie his pill pack. “Just go give her a sniff on your way out.” 

Eddie tucked his pills in the pocket of his leather jacket as he headed down the halls of curtained rooms. Sniffing out the mystery omega wasn’t hard at all. Lavender, bourbon, and something citrus tickled his nose and sent a wave of something over him. 

“What am I supposed to do? She’s not some whore!” A shrill voice screamed at one of the nurses. 

Eddie dared a glimpse between the sliver of an opening from the curtain and the wall. The omega was cute, he wouldn’t deny that. He could smell the heat, thick and sweaty but not quite fully developed yet. 

Whore. The word bounced around in his head, igniting a growl of vibration in his chest. No one should call an omega that. Especially not some bat-shit beta. And what the fuck? Omegas were supposed to be treasured, right?

Right. He wasn’t sure what part of his brain was in charge (probably that feral alpha part that was horny as hell) but before he could stop himself, he’d yanked the curtain back. 

Her scent all but smacked him. The nurses’ eyes widened, freezing as Eddie entered the room. He didn’t know he was growling until the omega whimpered. 

“Shh, sweetheart.”

The omega’s eyes rolled open, a whine leaving her lips. Sweat beads were bubbling along the roots of curls on her forehead. “You’re an alpha?” She was drunk with heat already and fuck if Eddie didn’t pop a knot right then. 

The screaming mother beta turned to Eddie who sent a hard glare. A low rumble echoed from his throat. Despite their status, betas weren’t immune from the rumble of an alpha-especially one as wound up as Eddie. 

“It’s some bullshit that- what’s your name sweetheart?” The omega whined out her name, Eddie repeating it memorizing the way his lips moved as he said it.  “Y/N can’t make this decision herself.” 

“Nurses, I’d like him to leave.” “He stays.” 

Sarah definitely didn’t page the nurses upon hearing the plea of the omega. Nope. She was not contributing to this. Definitely not. 

“Name’s Eddie. I know I’m not much and I really don’t know you, but if you want these suppressants I’ll leave. If you don’t and your mother dearest is forcing you because she’s got conformist bullshit beliefs about omegas, then I’ll stay and make sure you get those pills. Or, I mean..”

A ringed finger stroked her cheek, he didn’t know how he got to her bedside but the pheromones she was releasing surely did it. “I mean, I could be your mate if you want them but don’t want to be treated like a goddamn second class citizen.” 

Y/N purred sending a wave of relief over Eddie. “Ya mean it?” She giggled then, softly as she watched his big brown puppy eyes sparkle. “I could have an alpha to take care of? My own?” 

It was a blur really, but Eddie scooped her up and carried her to his van. “I’ll build you the biggest nest I can and get you everything you possibly could want.” He tossed her the pill pouch. “Keep these in case I go psycho alpha but I don’t think that will ever happen with you around.” 

Y/N preened, snuggling into the passengers seat. “Where are we going?

“Home.”

[bbgem329]

Things Are Never As They Seem…Chapter Thirteen

Pairings—Sebastian Stan x Actress!Reader, Sebastian Stan x OFC (PR relationship)

Summary

You and Sebastian Stan have been dating privately for over two years. Everything is perfect until he is coerced into a PR relationship when he signed with a new agency to advance his career. Trouble ensues…

Warnings

MINORS DNI. 18++. Language. Dark side of HW. PR relationships. Angst. Nudity. Insecurities. Shitty friends.

Series Masterlist

—————

November 18, 2020

“Dude, you need to calm down.”

You paused, head snapping in the direction of your phone propped up on the kitchen counter of your trailer, an expression of pure exasperation sweeping over your face. “What do you mean?” You huffed, arms crossed protectively over your chest as your pacing commenced again. “I am calm.”

Blake sighed, tugging a hand frustratingly through his fiery orange hair, “How many cups of coffee have you already had today?”

You threw your arms out to the side, head lolling back with a frustrated huff, “What does that even matter? I needed a little something to get me going today” You shook your head, bottom lip rolled between your teeth, “It’s a big day, Blake. I can’t mess this up.”

“How many cups of coffee, Y/N?”

You rolled your eyes, “Four.”

“Y/N.” Blake tsked, dropping his face into his hands with a drawn out groan, “It’s not even six in the morning and you’ve already had four cups of coffee. You’re going to give yourself a heart attack.”

“Good.” You whined, bottom lip jutted out in what you hoped was your most convincing pout, “Maybe then I wouldn’t have to do this–” Your hand gestured aninmently through the air, “This fucking scene.”

“I thought you were feeling good about it?” Blake croaked out, voice cracking with a rise in pitch, “When we talked last night you said you were ready. What happened to just ‘do more and think less’?”

“I don’t know.” You scrubbed a hand up your face, tugging it up and through your tousled hair as you approached the countertop, snatching your phone up from where it was propped against your coffee pot before plopping down on the couch behind you, “I guess I’ve just done a really good job of ignoring it and now that it’s actually here—It’s actually happening, I’m totally freaking out.” You shook your head, exhaling a shaky breath, “And it’s not because I’m uncomfortable with the people I work with. I know I can trust Rege, my makeup team, and everyone else that will be in the room during… it.” You gave a halfhearted shrug of your shoulders, “I guess I’m just feeling a little insecure… a little vulnerable. I know I’ve done,” You lifted your hands, making quotations with your index and ring fingers. “Sex scenes. But this is different. I’ve never been this exposed before and I just know it’s going to look more real than any others I’ve done too and it’s bothering me.”

“You have absolutely nothing to be insecure about.” Blake deadpanned, flashing you a sincere, reassuring smile, “You are one of the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen and the fact I’m saying that means something because I’m gay and I do not normally find woman attractive… in the slightest.” He let out a little chuckle, a subtle blush rising to the apples of his freckled cheeks, “Just know that if I absolutely had to be with a woman, I’d definitely choose you.”

You belt out a boisterous laugh, cheeks aching from how big the grin that split across you face was, “Aw, Blake. That is literally the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“I’m serious, babe.” He breathed out an annoyed huff, though you didn’t miss the way his lips corked up in the corners, “Don’t even worry about how your body looks, okay? You are so much more than that. You are more than your looks.”

“Blake.” Your face scrunched up in a sweet pout, one hand pressed to your chest. You were more than a little flattered. “Thank you. I’m already feeling a little better.”

This was exactly why you called him in the first place. If anyone was going to talk you down at this hour, it was going to be Blake. You would’ve called Sebastian but seeing as it was just barely six in the morning EST time, it would only be three in the morning in LA. You knew he would better understand and relate to how you were feeling than Blake ever could, sex scenes were uncomfortable and awkward for everyone involved, but you didn’t think it was a good enough reason to disturb his rest.

“Anytime, honey.” Blake smiled, shooting you a wink, “You know I’m always here for you. Day or night, rain or shine.”

“I love you.” You giggled, wrinkling your nose at him, “And I miss you so much. Will you be heading back to New York for christmas?”

“I love and miss you more.” He lifted his hand to his mouth, blowing you an air kiss, “And yes, I’m bringing Damion.”

“Ooo.” You wiggled your eyebrows with a suggestive smirk, giving your shoulders a little shimmy, “Bringing him home for the holidays, that’s a pretty big step, aye?”

Blake playfully rolled his dark hues, cheeks flushing bright pink, “I thought it was time to introduce him to my dad.”

“Oh my God.” You slapped a hand over your heart, a beaming grin spread across your cheeks, “Ted is going to absolutely adore him. Blake, I am so happy for you.” You tilted your head to one side, eyes bright as you gazed at him through the camera, “Maybe we can get lunch, hang out a little bit over break then.”

“Wait…” Blake’s brows furrowed, lips pressed down in a confused frown, “Are you not going to LA to spend Christmas with Seb?”

You shook your head, eyes averted as you fiddled with the tie on your silky pink robe, “I don’t want to be around Catalina. I want to actually enjoy my holidays.” You shrugged your shoulders a little, “And besides, Christmas in LA wouldn’t be the same as Christmas in New York. I need a little snow to get in the holiday spirit, ya know?”

Before he got the chance to respond, there was a knock at your trailer door.

Your eyes flickered back to the camera, face twisting into a grimace as the anxiety of what was to come returned, rushing through your body like molten lava. You didn’t feel ready but a part of you wondered if you ever would.

Less thinking, more doing.

That’s what Sebastian told you when you’d spoken a few days ago after receiving the filming schedule for the week. There was no need to overthink this, it wouldn’t do you any good anyways. This is what you agreed to when you signed on to this project. Your career was growing and it definitely wouldn't be the first nor the last vulnerable scene you’d ever do in your life so you might as well get used to it now.

This was a learning experience. This would only push you out of your comfort zone in the best way.

Another knock, this one with a little more urgency.

“You got this.” Blake spoke up, drawing you from your rapid firing thoughts, “Don’t think. Just do.”

“Don’t think. Just do.” You parroted, heading bobbing in agreement, “I’ll call you later. We can talk more about the Christmas thing then.”

“Alright. Go get ‘em, girlie.” Blake grinned, wiggling his brows at you, “I love you and I’m wishing you the best of luck.”

“Love you more.”

You locked your phone, sliding into the pocket of your robe as you rose to your feet. Your steps were slow and hesitant as you made your way to the door, pausing briefly to slip on a pair of fluffy, warm ugg boots and adjust the tie on your robe. With one last long, deep breath you pushed open the trailer door.

“Good morning, Miss L/N.” A young woman greeted, folding her hands in front of her as she stepped back, allowing you room to step down the stairs, “Feeling ready for the day?”

—————

The moment you stepped into your quiet apartment, it was as if all the excitement and anxiety from the day melted away. You kicked off your shoes, tossed your keys in the bowl on the table by the door, and slid down with your back pressed to the front door.

Eight fucking hours.

That’s how long it took for you to finish the scene.

And it was no one’s fault but your own.

Rege was amazing, of course. Between takes he was making sure you were okay, continuously checking in with you or talking you through it. He even made sure to ask for permission to touch you before the camera’s started rolling again. Every single time.

He was graceful.

He was smooth.

For him, it came all too naturally.

But you…

You were a disaster.

You couldn’t even count on one hand how many times your limbs got tangled in the sheets or you fucking missed his lips when you went in for a kiss. First you weren’t moaning enough, and then you were told to tone it down when you went a little too over the top. You couldn’t move fluently with the added unnatural weight of your fake pregnancy belly and you were positive it looked nothing but awkward. It definitely felt that way, that’s for sure.

You’re almost certain that they will call for a reshoot later on. Rege had assured you that your last take was ‘absolutely perfect’ but you were more than a little doubtful.

This scene was one of the most important takes and you felt you didn’t bring it the justice it deserved. It was the last moment of peace and happiness before their lives took an unexpected turn for the worst—before they were separated and fighting to survive. It was supposed to be romantic, sexy, intimate, and raw. The whole point of it was to really convey to the audience just how in love and down John and Sarah were for one another.

And you just had to go and butcher it.

You were disappointed, to say the least. Even more so now that the adrenaline of the day had dried from your veins and your energy levels had dropped. So much so that you didn’t even have the motivation to pick yourself up off the floor.

You dragged a hand down your face with a frustrated groan.

You could really use a hug right now.

A big, bone crushing hug from one man in particular. The kind that suffocated you a little bit.

But what you really needed was a good squish.

The kind that only your lover could provide. You’d love for nothing more than to be lounging across your bed with Sebastian’s body on yours, pressing you into the mattress with the full weight of his body. And not in a sexual way, but in a supress your nervous system kind of way.

You would kill for that.

You pulled your phone from your pocket, pressing down on the lock button to turn it on. A few seconds later your screen lit up and a rapid fire of notification popped on the screen. You unlocked it, opening up the six unread messages from Sebastian.

From Smexy Seabass:

Good morning, baby. I hope you have an amazing day. You’re going to kill it. Don’t stess.

From Smexy Seabass:

I love you.

From Smexy Seabass:

And I miss you so much.

From Smexy Seabass:

Think of me while you’re doing your sex scene. It might help ;)

From Smexy Seabass:

You’re going to kill it. Don’t stress too much. You got this in the bag. Remember don’t think, just do.

From Smexy Seabass:

I can’t stop thinking about you. Miss you and your pretty face so much. Call me when you’re out for the day.

You smiled softly to yourself. Even the most minor things could brighten your gloomy days. Sebastian may not be here with you physically when you need him the most but he was always with you in every other way. Whether it be sweet message, a call or a FaceTime, or simply his voice playing out in your head—guiding and encouraging you through challenging days such as this.

Sebastian was your rock. Your little light in this dark, ugly world. And he was exactly what you needed right now.

The corner of your lips turned up into the tiniest of smiles as you hit the facetime icon, and it only grew into a genuine smile when his beaming face popped up on the screen not even a second later.

“Baby!” Sebastian cheered, sporting the prettiest smile you’d ever seen. “Finally! I’ve been waiting for your call all day.”

He looked so handsome, lounging across a cream couch with his bare chest on full display. His chestnut locks were long and fluffy, curling just slightly at the ends and his ocean eyes were nearly as bright as his smile. It was good to see him like this—relaxed, content, happy, and well rested. He’d been so overworked and stressed before but it seemed he’d finally taken your advice and made more time for himself as of lately.

“Hi, Seb.” You giggled, nose wrinkling and eyes crinkling in the corners, “I miss you.”

“I miss you more.” His bottom lip jutted out in the cutest pout, cerulean hues all soft and wide, “How did it go today?” He chuckled to himself, combing a hand through his dark, tousled locks, “It honestly was really hard for me to imagine you all bare and naked in front of a ton of other people all day. So now I know how you must feel when I do fully nude sex scenes too. And I really don’t like it.”

You couldn’t stop the laugh from bubbling up in your throat if you even tried. You shook your head, cheeks flushed red and hot, “You don’t need to be worried, actually the opposite.” You dropped your head in your hands, hiding the disappointment and shame painted across your face, “I totally botched it, babe.”

“Baby.” He sighed, the happiness and excitement slipping from his face, “I’m sure that’s not at all the case.”

“It is.” You huffed, dragging your hands down your face, “I was awkward and fumbly. My hands were shaking the entire time and I felt so uncomfortable.” You felt tears well up in your eyes and you squeezed them shut before they even had the chance to fall down your cheeks, “I’m so disappointed and embarrassed. Rege and everyone else said it was good but it took us eight fucking hours to get something that was decent enough.” You gave a halfhearted shrug of your shoulders, gaze averted away from the camera as you rubbed harshly over your eyes, “But who knows they were probably just said that because they were tired and wanted to call it a day.”

“My love.”

The sincerity and softness in his voice broke the dam you’d been trying so desperately to keep together, you slapped your hands over your face to muffle your cries.

“Y/N/N, baby.” He cooed softly, voice cracking ever so slightly, “Don’t cry, sweetheart. Please. If they told you it was good then it was. They would’ve been honest, okay?” He exhaled a shaky breath, scrubbing a hand down his face before moving the camera closer, eyes pleading, “If they end up wanting to reshoot it then, hey, that’s okay. Just another opportunity to try again and make it better, right? But I do not at all believe that is the case. You and I both know you are your own worst enemy—you and that big, beautiful brain of yours. Just because you might feel a certain way about yourself or what you did, doesn’t mean other people feel the same.” You sniffled softly, one eye peeking out from between your fingers, “You are so talented. There is a reason they choose you for this role, they believe in you and they support you. Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes. Don’t be so hard on yourself, baby. Give yourself a break sometimes.”

“You’re right.” You croaked out, wiping furiously at your tear coated cheeks, “I just feel-”

“Sebastian!” A thickly accented, high pitch voice shouted, “Sebastian, have you seen my white t-shirt?”

Your eyebrows shot up into your hairline and your heart plummeted into your gut, “Who is that?”

He didn’t need to respond because a second later, an all too familiar blonde appeared behind him wearing nothing but a pair of tight black leggings and a tiny white sports bra.

“Oh, hello.” She giggled, giving a taunting little wave of her hand. By the smirk painted across her plump lips, she knew exactly what she was doing—the little show she just put on was deliberate.

Your eyes flickered back to Sebastian, his expression the epitome of guilt, “Y/N-”

You didn’t give him the chance to explain, you immediately hung up and turned your phone off.

You were so fucking done with today.

November 21, 2020

You had every intention of spending the entire day in bed. Finally after what felt like the longest week of your entire life, you had a day off. The only things on your to-do list today was to catch up on a few true crime series, get a little extra sleep, and finally allow yourself to wallow and process the events of the past few days.

The only positive thing that had happened since your heartbreaking phone call with Sebastian was the heart to heart you had with the director over your disappointment in the sex scene. She sat you down the day after, allowed you to watch what they captured and planned to use, and talked you through it.

Admittedly, you finished Thursday feeling so much better.

Friday ran smoothly too.

And now it was Saturday. Time to face your own life again.

You had yet to speak with Sebastian. You’ve ignored his many messages and phone calls since. It’s not like you didn’t want to hear him out or that you weren’t going to, the moment it happened you had already had a rough day and then the following two days you decided you weren’t ready to deal with it—that you didn’t need the distraction until you’d gotten through the rest of your work week.

You were a sensitive soul and you didn’t want your emotions to affect your performance, so you did what you do best and you buried it. You pushed it all aside, threw yourself in your work and blocked out the reality in your life until you were fully prepared to face it.

Apparently you’d missed a lot in your time away. If the spotting of Sebastian and Catalina walking around a popular park in LA and the pictures of them at your and Sebastian’s friend, Josie’s baby shower plastered all over twitter and instagram were enough of an indication.

The picture of them at the park were obviously from Wednesday because she was wearing the same leggings, white sports bra, and the white t-shirt she asked Sebastian about. It wasn’t anything special, he looked to be on the phone as she trailed like a lost puppy dog after him. It was meant to look like an innocent fan spotting but you knew better than that, and so did everyone else apparently. No one was buying it.

That one didn’t bother you. The baby shower pictures, however…

As much as you loathed to admit it, you hated that she was allowed to be part of such a special moment. Those people didn’t know her, nor did she know them, and it bothered you that she was openly welcomed to join and you could not.

There were no actual pictures of Sebastian with Catalina there, just him with his friends Weston and Eli, and then a picture of her with all the other women in a group photo. The only way you could tell it was from the same place and taken at the same time was because your friend Tessa was standing in the background of the boys’ picture wearing the same dress as she wore in the picture with the ladies.

Your other friend, Nina couldn’t be there either but they made sure to include a cardboard cut out of her in the group picture and that honestly kind of stung. Now that you thought of it, you hadn’t even gotten an invite nor a mere mention from Sebastian about the baby shower despite your entire LA area friend group being in attendance. Even Erin, a woman who was a little too obsessed with your boyfriend and constantly tried to flaunt her friendship with him for even the slightest bit of attention, seemed to get an invite over you.

The entire ordeal made you sick to your stomach.

You hated when Sebestian stayed in LA, even more so when you weren't with him.

But that was the least of your concerns right now.

You wanted to know why the fuck Catalina was walking around half nude in the house he was staying at. He’d assured you a number of times since this shitshow started that they would not be staying in the same house and that you had nothing to worry about, yet there he had sat, lounging casually on the couch, shirtless might you add, while she walked around like she belonged there, half nude.

Nothing about it was okay and you were pissed, rightfully so.

Why couldn’t he have just told you? Was he trying to hide it? Did he think it wasn’t a big deal?

You’d made a promise to better communicate with each other before you parted ways and that seemed to have worked but clearly for only so long. You were so damn tired of talking yourself in a circle over this—of the up’s and down’s you’ve had to deal with because of Catalina and this shitshow.

Some of it was your own fault but this…this was on Sebastian.

You rolled on your side, adjusting the pillow under your head and drawing the comforter further up over your body as you finally forced yourself to open up and read through what seemed like a million texts from Sebastian.

From Smexy Seabass:

Baby, please. It’s not what you think.

Yes, we are technically staying in the same house but on and off and when we do, there are always other people here like Eli and Molly. We are never alone. I’ve been mostly staying at my dads though or she goes to her cousin’s. I swear.

From Smexy Seabass:

She only stayed the night here last night because we have a walk in the park this morning and she wanted to bait before I guess. And we have seperate rooms, on opposite ends of the house.

From Smexy Seabass:

I know I should’ve told you. I’m sorry. It honestly didn’t cross my mind and that’s on me. I should’ve thought about how it would make you feel.

From Smexy Seabass:

Please just answer the phone. Just hear me out, okay?

There were more than ten messages just from that day. All of them pleading—begging for you to just hear him out and how sorry he was.

You scrolled down to Thursday’s.

From Smexy Seabass:

Baby, please. Your silence is killing me. Please just give me anything, even just a text letting me know you’re okay. Please.

From Smexy Seabass:

I love you, Y/N. I fucked up and that’s on me. I know I deserve to be ignored but I can’t stand to leave things like this. Let me fix this, please.

From Smexy Seabass:

I get it, you need space. I’ll be waiting here until you're ready. I won’t give up.

From Smexy Seabass:

I hope you’re having a good day. I love you.

You skimmed through the rest, having seen enough. You didn’t know what to think—what to feel. The texts didn’t make you feel better but they didn’t necessarily make you feel worse either.

You were relieved to know that he wasn’t staying with her like that and that there wasn’t anything more going on between them but that wasn’t the main issue. The point was that Sebastian hadn’t communicated.

Again.

He didn’t lie, but he hadn’t told you the full truth either.

It was a recurring issue as of lately it seemed, and you didn’t know if you should—or even could just let it go this time.

You had to be real with yourself. Maybe your relationship wasn’t as good and strong as you originally thought it to be. As soon as you got over one issue, another would arise not long after.

You’d had more tension and problems since July than you had throughout the entirety of your relationship and that was a very difficult pill to swallow.

Maybe you weren’t ready to speak with him just yet.

Maybe you needed more time.

Because at the moment, you had nothing positive to say and the sky seemed more gray than blue when it came to how you viewed your relationship.

You didn’t want to have this conversation with him when you were still so angry, so hurt.

You needed time and space to figure out what to do and how to handle this.

To Smexy Seabass:

Hi. I read your messages and I hear you but I need a little more time and space. I’ll call you when I’m ready.

I do love you, Sebastian. I’m just really hurt and confused right now.

—————

Tag List

@justlovelifeblog @inlovewith3 @buckybarnesandmarvel @sleutherclaw @snugglingbucky @perlaluna @littlewhiterose

@idontwannagomrstarkk

[bi-bi-buckleydiaz]

deep breath, do your job | owen joyner

requested; yes! - Could you do a Owen x reader where the reader is Owens personal assistant while filming JATP and while they are filming the reader starts catching feelings for Owen but Owen is in a relationship. Owen and his girlfriend breakup and the reader comes over to comfort Owen and Owen confesses that the reason him and his girlfriend broke up was because of the reader.

word count; 6.4K ... yeah kinda got away from me there. longest fic i’ve ever written

warnings; language, implied sexual content but no actual sex or description thereof

a/n; lol, so i just wrote from 1AM - 4AM because i’m procrastinating my child dev. project thats due today that’s worth a quarter of my grade. i really didn’t mean for this to be so long so it’s probably not this good and the ending is a lil’ rough, but oh well. hope whoever requested this likes it. i kinda do even though it’s long and only slightly proofread.

“Owen Patrick Joyner! Get your ass into hair and makeup before - oh, um, okay oops. Sorry ‘bout that. Should have knocked. I’ll just - yep, i’ll just go.” 

You thought he’d be sleeping. It’s nap time for him anyway, so he should’ve been sleeping. Instead, your technically boss and definite crush, was on his trailer couch with a girl you’ve never seen before. Kissing her. Without a shirt. Yeah, you definitely need to get out of there. 

You’re quick to close his door and begin to walk back to the hair and makeup trailer to tell them Owen will be a minute. 

“Y/N! Hey! Wait up! It’s um, it’s not, well it is, but -” He grabs your arm, causing you to turn around and face him, which, big mistake. Abort. Abort. Turn around. His post make out face is something you did not want to see. Liar.  

“It’s fine Owen. What you do in your free time is not my, well, actually it is since i’m your PA, I just mean who - WHAT, what you do in your personal time, in your trailer, is not my concern. Just, you’re needed in hair and makeup like, an hour ago. So, yeah, just, get there.” You stumble over half your words and watch his face fall as you near the end of your spiel. When he lets go of your arm you’re quick to turn around and leave him alone, walking right past hair and makeup and to set where you can curl up in your chair and eat your weight in brownies, if Madi hasn’t taken them all that is. You hope he goes to get his hair done. You know you should walk with him there because if you’re not practically dragging him to where he needs to go he never gets there on time, as just witnessed. But it’s usually because he’s goofing off with Charlie, not sucking face with a random girl. 

You don’t notice the brownie in your hand has crumbled until a whistle comes from behind you. You turn around a little too quickly, sending the brownie bits flying to the floor. 

“Shit.” You kneel down to begin picking it up, another hand coming into help. Charlie, based on the rings adorning the fingers. 

“Is Owen’s keeper okay?” You huff a laugh at the name the cast gave you a week into filming. You’re the only one who has managed to keep Owen in line since filming started, the only reason he’s ever on time for anything or actually has real food in the apartment or has his drumsticks when needed, etc. etc. 

The boys didn’t want PA’s when Kenny proposed it during bootcamp, they were young adults, they didn't want to boss someone around, it felt wrong. But having more experience than the boys, Kenny vetoed how they felt and told them PA’s would help tremendously, especially on a project like this. That’s where you came in. You were trying to get into the directing and producing scene in Hollywood, you’re dream to be as good a director as Steven Spielberg or, well, Kenny Ortega. But you knew you had to start small, so you applied for a PA job on an upcoming Netflix show, getting hired within the week. Now here you are, a nineteen year old being in charge of another nineteen year old who acts more like he’s five. 

In the beginning, it was purely professional. You were nothing more than his PA who got him from place A to place B in a timely fashion. But then he started to rope you into pranks with the rest of the band. He started inviting you to movie nights, and adventures to the grocery store, and ice skating with Charlie and Madi, and somewhere between helping him keep his life in order and watching him fall on his ass at the ice rink, you fell for the blonde. You know it’s a mistake, falling for him. You work for him. He’s your friend. That’s all he sees you as, but you couldn’t help it. But you’re good at compartmentalizing, so you took all the inappropriate feelings, shoved them in a box, locked the box, and hid it deep in your unconscious. You were doing well with ignoring the box, until you walked in on Owen kissing someone that wasn’t you. 

“I’m fine Charlie, just, stressed. Owen was an hour late to hair and makeup so I kinda feel like a shit PA right now.” Charlie chuckles and hugs you as you both stand up. 

“Please Y/N, you’re the best PA. If it weren’t for you, Owen would never know where anything is, including his head.” You laugh into his shoulder, reveling in the hug for a few more seconds. When you part, you see a flash of blonde enter the set and sigh in relief. He made it. He’s ready. You’re not fired today. 

Just incredibly confused and upset. 

But not fired.

“You better go, I know you’re in this scene with Owen.” Charlie nods and squeezes your shoulder once before running after Owen onto the set that holds Julie’s shed. Taking a deep breath, you try to push whatever the hell you saw ten minutes ago into your box, and get ready for the day ahead. 

Four hours, six brownies, and two cookies later, Owen is officially wrapped for the day, meaning you can go home and continue to eat your feelings in ice cream. You’re quick to grab your binder full of Owen’s schedules to drop tomorrow’s off at his trailer before he sees you. You’re not really in the mood to talk to him about what happened earlier, so you fast walk to his trailer, fully intent on just leaving the paper on his counter where he’ll see it, but a brown haired, green eyed girl throws that plan right out the window. 

You’re so stupid. You should’ve known she would still be here. Waiting. 

“Oh, um, hi.” She says. She sounds nice. She looks nice. But when you look at her all you can see is her hands in Owen’s hair and his lips on hers. 

“Hi.” You don’t know how, but you managed to put on a smile and put a little pep into your voice. “I’m Ashley. I’m waiting for Owen. Is he done?” You nod, not trusting your voice as you stand awkwardly in the doorway, one foot on the step the other in the trailer, hand outstretched ready to place the schedule on the table. 

“He just wrapped for the day. Should be here in a few.” The girl - Ashley - nods. 

“You’re Y/N, right? His personal assistant?” How does she know that. She giggles, “He talks about you all the time. Says the only reason he’s not fired or dead in a ditch is because of you.” OH, you said that aloud. Coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoo-

“Y/N! What are ya doing just standing in the doorway?” Fuck. You put a smile on and turn around. He’s smiling softly at you, still in Alex’s clothes, twirling those damn drumsticks around his fingers. 

“Um, just dropping tomorrow’s schedule off. Here. Okay...bye.” You walk down the steps, letting the door shut behind you, fully intent on leaving, but Owen grabs your arm again, just like earlier, causing you to stop and turn to look at him. 

“Wait. Can we talk real quick. About...earlier?” No. No absolutely not. 

“Um, I really have to go. I have a lot to do tonight for tomorrow.” Owen sighs and lets go of your arm, face contorting into that of a sad puppy. 

“Just, one minute Y/N. Please. Let me explain.” Screw him and his perfect freaking face. 

“A minute.” His face lights up and grabs your hand, leading you back into his trailer, smiling even wider at seeing Ashley sitting pretty on the couch. 

“Y/N, this is Ashley, my girlfriend.” Ashley smiles and waves, standing up to stand by Owen and grab his hand. A rock settles in your chest at the word. 

Girlfriend. 

Girlfriend. 

Girlfriend. 

“Nice. I’m Y/N. But you knew that. Just like you also know I’m in charge of getting him to places on time. Which didn't happen today.” Owen’s face flushes at that while Ashley terribly hides a smirk behind her hand. 

“Uh, yeah, sorry about that Y/N. She surprised me today. We weren’t supposed to see each other until Thanksgiving but she finished classes early and flew out to surprise me. Kinda got, caught up in -” His face is beat red so you’re quick to cut him off. 

“It’s fine. Just, try not to get ‘caught up’ tomorrow, yeah?” It’s harsh and full of hostility, but you want to leave, the word still bouncing around in your head, swirling around the scene you walked into earlier. 

Girlfriend. 

Kissing. 

Girlfriend. 

Flushed face. 

Girlfriend. 

Kissing. 

“I have to go. See you tomorrow on set at 5 Am. Got it? Five A M. Don’t make me break into your apartment again. I almost got arrested for that.” Owen is still reeling from your harsh words said a second ago to laugh at the memory. Ashley however, has no qualms about speaking up. 

“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure he’s here on time.” She smiles and wraps around his arm like a koala. You hold back a scoff, throwing up a fake smile before turning and leaving. 

Girlfriend. 

Girlfriend. 

Girlfriend. 

It’s almost midnight.

It’s 11:48 PM and someone is knocking on your door. 

Who the fuck is pounding on your door at near midnight. 

You shuffle to the door wrapped up in your comforter, wiping the sleep out of your eyes. You don’t bother looking through the peephole, too angry at the person behind the door to bother, just wanting to yell at them and get back to bed. 

“What the - Charlie?” He looks exhausted, hair ruffled and eyes puffy. He’s in joggers, a random band tee and his denim jacket. You’re pretty sure his shoes are on the wrong feet. 

“Can I stay the night?” He doesn’t wait for your response before walking into your apartment, flinging his shoes and jacket off and walking to your room. You sigh, ignoring the way he just threw his stuff around and instead follow him to your room before he takes your side of the bed. You walk in just as he chucks his shirt off and woah. You were so not expecting that. An explanation as to why he’s here at midnight? Yeah. Him taking your side of the bed? Definitely. But not Charlie taking his shirt off and crawling onto the right side of the bed and curling around a pillow. You take a moment to collect yourself and your thoughts before crawling into bed next to him, making sure to drape the comforter over him as well. He hums in content and turns around to face you. 

“Sorry for barging in like this. Just, ugh, Owen and that girl are not quiet if you catch my drift.” And it’s like the rock in your heart is now a boulder and it’s crushing your ribcage. You can’t breathe. You can’t think. You’re frozen, staring at Charlie’s half asleep face. “Like I get it, you’ve missed each other. But c’mon bro I’m there too.” He keeps talking. Keeps pushing the boulder until all the ribs crack and puncture your lungs. “There’s somethings in this world I never wanted to hear, and Owen moaning was one of them.” He won’t shut up. Charlie shut up. You’re entire chest is fracturing, breaking at his words and he needs to shut. up.

“I didn’t really know where else to go, but I remembered how comfy your bed was last movie night so, here I am.” His voice is raspy, words slurring as he’s trying to fight sleep to explain to you why he’s here. But you can’t focus on him right now. Can’t think about a shirtless Charlie in your bed. There’s only one thing you can think about right now. 

Girlfriend. 

Shirtless. 

Girlfriend. 

Kissing. 

Girlfriend. 

“Thanks for letting me crash by the way. I’ll try not to kick you in my sleep.” He chuckles, then finally opens his eyes when you don’t laugh back. You don’t know how you look right now. You know you’re frozen. But is the panic and pure sadness showing on your face? It must be, because suddenly Charlie is wide awake and leaning up on his elbow to look at you fully. “Y/N are you okay?” He’s worried. You want to tell him you’re okay. It’s fine. Everything is fine. But you can’t move. You can’t talk. Because reality is crushing you. It’s ripping up your heart, suffocating you, consuming your mind. 

Owen isn’t yours. 

Owen will never be yours. 

You’re just a friend. 

You’re just his PA. 

That’s when the tears finally start. They come slowly, one trailing down your cheek, then another. Then all at once your sobbing into Charlie’s chest, no doubt getting snot all over him. But he doesn’t seem to care. He just starts to hum some random song while he repeatedly runs his hand over your hair, the other holding you close to him. He keeps humming, his chest vibrating and giving you something to focus on that isn’t your depressing thoughts. It’s almost soothing, the petting and the hug and the humming. 

You don’t know how long you sob into him, but when you stop, his humming stops too. He still holds you close, just lets go of your head so you can lean back a little and look up at him. He’s brows furrow in concern and he pouts at your post-crying face. 

“Are you okay? Am I really that bad of company?” He tries for funny but you can’t bring yourself to laugh with him. Just pout and push his semi-wet chest. “Seriously Y/N, i’ve never seen you like this. What’s wrong?” Those two words. 

What’s wrong?

What’s wrong? I fell for my boss and now he’s doing it with some girl and I can’t stop thinking about them and it’s killing me because before I could live with being his friend and PA because at least there was some sliver of a chance but now there’s nothing because he has someone and I have no one and I can’t breathe because oh my god I love him. I love that stupid fool and i’m nothing but his personal assistant. 

It’s quiet for a minute, too quiet, and that’s when you realize you said all that out loud. You look up at Charlie, which was a mistake because his face is full of pity. It’s all sad puppy eyes and “Shit Y/N i’m so sorry.” A fresh wave of tears make their way out of your eyes, but Charlie is quick to wipe them away. 

“Y/N I didn’t know I’m so sorry. I wouldn’t have said all of that, God I was so stupid.” And then it’s like a whole new flood gate opens, this one full of laughter though. You start with a chuckle, but soon it’s full out belly laughing. Because Charlie isn’t the stupid one here. “I’m the stupid one. I mean, how idiotic does a PA have to be to fall for the one they’re in charge of? Never mix work with pleasure. It’s PA-ing 101, don’t fall for your boss. I’m so fucking stupid to ever fall for him or think he’d like me back because i’m just his stupid PA who has no talent what so ever, never has a good hair day, can’t go a day without eating their weight in sugar, and will never see him again after filming is wrapped.” Your laughing dies down by the end, and then ends completely when you see the look on Charlie’s face. It’s not exactly pity, but it’s not exactly sadness either. It’s hard to describe what exactly it is, but it’s not good. 

“Y/N. Babes. I don’t ever want to hear you talk about yourself like that again, okay? I swear to God next time I hear anything like that come out of your mouth again, I’m hitting you with a pillow.” You giggle, but he stays serious. “Dead ass Y/N. Listen, was it probably not the smartest to fall for Owen? Yeah. But you didn’t know he had someone. I didn’t even know he had a girl and I’m his roommate. But, we can’t help who we like. It’s all brain chemistry and heart palpitations and whatever else. It’s something we can’t control. So don’t say you’re stupid because of something you can’t control.” 

“You’re being really smart and caring for twelve am.” You both chuckle, a real smile gracing your face for once in the past twelve hours. 

“I’m sorry for the breakdown it’s just, there’s a lot in my head right now and what you said really didn’t help.” Charlie sighs and pulls you in close. 

“I’m sorry babes. You should’ve slapped me or something.” 

“I probably would’ve had the breakdown at some point tonight anyway.” Charlie pulls back a bit to look at you, confusion on his face. “I kinda walked in on them making out earlier when Owen was late to hair and makeup.” 

“Is that why you crushed that brownie earlier?” You sigh and nod. 

“Y/N, i’m sorry. I’m so sorry you have to go through this.” 

“It’s fine Charlie. It’s, well, it’s not but, I’ll get over it. I’m a big girl. Besides, I have you to get my tears and snot all over right?” He groans while you giggle, but he isn’t really mad if the way he pulls you close and rests his face in your hair is any indication. 

“Always babes.” 

The next day you drive to set with Charlie who didn’t have to be on set at five like Owen, but joined you nonetheless. Taking his duty as your new ‘heartguard’ as he called it last night, you walk to hair and makeup with his arm around your shoulders. It’s comforting, even though he’s putting most of his weight on you because he’s exhausted, the coffee you gave him this morning clearly doing nothing to wake up. 

“Charlie, you could’ve stayed in bed until you were actually needed.” You laugh as he trips up the steps to the trailer, nearly face planting if it weren’t for you wrapping your arms around his waist last minute. 

“Char you good?” You hear BooBoo ask. Charlie grumbles something incoherent and shoves his face into your neck as you lean against the arm of the couch. BooBoo laughs, so do you, but quickly sober up when Owen walks in, Ashley on his arm. Charlie must have ESP or something because, without looking up at who walked in, he wraps his arms around your waist and murmurs in your ear, “Deep breaths. I’m here.” You do as he says, shooting Owen a friendly smile, but dropping it as he frowns at you. 

What is that about? 

“Glad to see you on time Owen. I wouldn’t have been able to break in this morning anyway because an octopus decided to break into my own apartment last night.” You ruffle Charlie’s hair as you say that and he grumbles some more, playfully biting your neck as well. “Ow. Asshole.” Owen frowns even deeper at that, while BooBoo chuckles. He get’s scolded a second later for moving. 

“So that’s where you disappeared to last night. I was wondering why you weren’t home this morning.” Owen’s voice is tight while he says it, Ashley noticing as well if the tightened grip on his arm is anything to go by. Charlie squeezes your waist as a way to say, ‘prepare yourself’ before he moves his head to lean against your shoulder so he can talk. 

“Yeah well, I wouldn’t have had to if you and your girl weren’t so freaking loud.” You tense up, mind starting to reel again, but a squeeze to your waist and a warm breath on your neck manages to bring you back. The trailer goes quiet, even the hair and makeup ladies tensing up and sensing the tension. Charlie, ever the wrong place, wrong time type of guy, grabs your hand and places it on his hair, then moves it back and forth. 

“Pet me.” Despite the tension in the room, you can’t help but giggle at the stupid Canadian boy wrapped around you. Apparently that’s all the rest of the people in the trailer needed to go back to what they were doing. That or they just didn’t want to get involved in young adult drama. You shoot a look at Owen, his jaw tense and hands clenched into fists. Completely ignoring the way Ashley leans up to kiss Owen’s neck, you open your phone and begin to read off his schedule for the day, your left hand still running through Charlie’s hair. 

“Hair and makeup at five AM, sit your butt down and let Shelly do her thing, costume fitting right after. First scene at six-thirty with BooBoo, you guys are doing the scene at the Orpheum where you talk about what’s been going on, you’re going to be sad so this whole frowny face you got going on? Keep it. A break after that then rehearsal with Charlie, Jer, and Mads for Stand Tall. Fitting for the Stand Tall suit is after that, but no actual filming for that scene yet, just getting the measures right so after that, you’re done for the day.” You take a deep breath after all that, BooBoo whistling at you from his seat. 

“You could be an auctioneer with how fast you talk.” You smile and bow your head at him.

“I’ll take that as a compliment Boo.” He shoots you a smile and then raises his hand to high five Owen as he sits next to him. Owen ignores him. In fact, he stays silent throughout all of getting his hair and makeup done. Only smiling occasionally when Ashley shows him a meme on her phone. You watch them, the boulder in your chest rolling around as you do so. But not for jealousy, no, for concern. Owen is acting very unlike himself. You may be upset right now, especially with him, but it doesn’t mean you still don’t see him as a friend; still don’t worry about him. Something is wrong, and you can’t help but feel like it’s your fault. 

“So did it work?” You jump in surprise at the voice behind you, the cookie in your hand crumbling and falling onto the table. 

“Charlie! What did I say about sneaking up on me?” You turn to look at the boy who is smiling too wide at you for you to think this is about to be a completely innocent conversation. 

“Did it work?” He’s practically vibrating where he stands.

“Did what work?” 

“The cuddling this morning? Didn’t you see Owen? He was totally jealous.” And - what? That’s why he was so touchy this morning? 

“I just thought you were tired, that was - you were trying to make Owen jealous? Charlie what the hell? He has a girlfriend!” Charlie rolls his eyes and loops his arm around yours, dragging you away from the cookies and towards the costume room. 

“Yeah, but we both know she shouldn’t be. And the way he was acting this morning? I think he’s starting to realize that too.” There’s no way...right? No, the way Charlie described last night...no. 

“No, okay, he was probably just tired and angry about having to be here so early.” Yeah, that’s it. He was not jealous of the friendly cuddling you and Charlie were doing. Totally...not. Holy shit. You hear Charlie giggling in your ear as you enter costume. 

There, in front of you, is a very shirtless, very toned, very pretty Owen Joyner.

“You’re welcome.” Then Charlie is off to God knows where. Leaving you alone with Owen. Well, not really alone since Soyon is here too, running around looking for different fabrics and textures to throw on Owen. A still very shirtless Owen. 

“Oh, hi Y/N. What are you doing here?” Owen asks, looking at you though the floor length mirror in front of him. He’s not smiling at you, but he’s not frowning either, so improvement from this morning. 

“Oh, um, just making sure you got here on time. And look at that. You did! Good job.” You clap, who knows why, but it makes Owen laugh, which, whew, okay. 

“Yeah, I reminded him.” A voice behind you says. You turn and look at Ashley walking in, coffee cup in hand. She bounces up to Owen, ignoring Soyon and placing a big, wet kiss onto his lips before moving to the couch off to the side. Owen seems shocked by the PDA, which makes sense, you know he’s not big on that, remembering one late night conversation you both had a few weeks ago. 

“Anyway, Y/N, how does this one looks. I think the ruffles are nice. And then when he’s performing Stand Tall we can,” and then she begins to unbutton the shirt all the way down to mid chest and okay, seriously Soyon, now you just want to torture me. 

“I like this.” Owen says, twirling in the mirror like a ballerina. This causes the shirt to fling open more, showing his chest more in the process.

Deep breaths. 

Be a friend. 

You’re a big girl. 

“Yeah. It’s good,” you say, walking over to him to tuck to the sides back together somewhat. “Are you going to keep with the pink theme for the jacket?” Soyon smiles and nods, walking away for a minute leaving you alone with Owen and Ashley. 

“Should it really be unbuttoned that much? I mean, it is a kids show? I don’t want to share my boy with fangirls.” Ashley says. You can’t stop your eyes from rolling or the scoff that leaves your mouth. You watch Owen’s Adam's apple bob as he gulps. 

“Please, Charlie is sleeveless for a majority of the show. Owen showing a little chest isn’t gonna hurt anyone. Besides, Soyon chose good. The way the shirt fits and settles it’s never going to open all the way. Unless, ya know, he twirls like some Carolynn Rowland wannabe.” You smile up at Owen and inhale sharply when you see he’s already looking down at you. “And with the jacket on it’ll stay put pretty well.” You’re still holding the shirt in your hands, looking at Owen’s face as you talk. For a second, it’s just you and him, looking at each other, smiling. Then Soyon comes back and clears her throat. The trance breaks and you back up. You wipe your sweaty hands on your jeans before backing up and standing next to the mirror. You feel eyes on you and look over to see Ashely glaring at you. 

“Here we go. One pink jacket to match.” Owen slides it on and smiles wide. You have to say, it looks good. Professionally speaking of course. 

“Soyon, have I ever said how freaking amazing you are. I mean, this is really good looking. Very Alex.” Owen praises. He’s smiling and it’s a nice sight after this mornings debacle. 

“Alex is going to be the best looking one on that stage.” Owen looks over at you, his smile still there, and the boulder shrinks three sizes. 

“Still think the shirt should be buttoned.” Ashley mutters. But everyone ignores her, even Owen, who does another twirl in front of the mirror. 

“Well then, you’re all set Owen. Go ahead and change and I’ll see you tomorrow.” Soyon leaves, going off to do costume designer things, leaving you alone with Owen and Ashley again. Owen takes the jacket off, then looks around not knowing what to do with it. You sigh and smile softly, taking it from him.

“Here, just give me all the clothes and i’ll take them back to your rack.” He smiles thankfully at you, before frowning again and looking down at his outfit. Getting what he’s thinking, you chuckle and cross your arms. “Bub I just saw you shirtless it’s not a big deal. Now c’mon, give me the clothes before Soyon thinks you’re stealing them.” Owen looks up at you in a way you’ve never seen him look at you before. It makes you take a sharp breath in.

“Maybe you should go. I can give the clothes to Soyon. Don’t you have assistant duties to do?” Ashley is right next to you as she says it. It makes your ears hurt and hands clench. You’re quick to unclench though, not wanting to wrinkle the nice pink jacket. Ashley moves forward to unbutton Owen’s shirt all the way, but he grabs her hand before she can begin. 

“Actually I need Y/N to stay. I have to talk to her about some, ya know, assistant stuff. And besides, she knows where Alex’s rack is and that’s where the clothes have to go. Why don’t you go wait for me in the trailer, I’ll be there in a few.” 

I need Y/N to stay. 

That shouldn’t make you feel as warm and tingly as it does. 

Ashley scoffs and looks away, clearly trying to guilt trip him. Owen sighs and kisses her cheek.  

“Trailer. Ten minutes.” Ashley sighs before nodding and finally leaving. He watches her go, then turns back to you when she finally disappears. You clear your throat and he looks back at you, face a bit red. 

“Um, hey.” You chuckle. 

“Hi.” He nods, and you sigh, walking so you’re right in front of him. “Seriously, O, you need to get this off because if they’re not on the rack for Soyon to fix up by the end of the day it’s my head on a stick, not yours.” Then you’re unbuttoning his shirt. 

You’re unbuttoning. His shirt. You don’t realize you’re doing it until you hand grazes his navel when you untuck it from his pants. You hear him suck in a breath and you immediately take two steps back. 

“Sorry, um. Sorry that was not, um, -” 

“It’s okay. You were just, doing your job. Making sure I get stuff done on time, right?” But his voice is wobbly as he says it and his face is as red as a tomato. You couldn’t have made him that flushed, not you? 

“Right. Yeah. Um, so, pants?” Owen looks at you with wide eyes. “I need to take the pants back too.” It’s quiet, but you know he heard you because he nods his head and begins to unbutton them. You suddenly feel very hot, very suffocated. You should’ve left when you had the chance, just let Ashley do this. You shouldn’t be here, watching as he pulls the velvet pants down his legs. Watching as he steps out of them and - oh God he’s falling. You grab his hand to help him but it’s too late, you both tumble to the ground. You’re on top of him, smushed up against his bare chest, faces centimeters apart, sharing breaths. 

“Sorry.” You mumble. You watch him gulp and look down. Down at wha - oh. 

“It’s, it’s okay. I’m the one that fell and pulled you down.” You nod, causing your nose to brush against his. You’re close, so freaking close that if you were to move not even a full centimeter, your lips would touch.

So. 

Close. 

“What. The. Hell!” SHit. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

You’re quick to scramble away from Owen, butt scooting across the floor to get as far away from him as possible. Owen jumps up, kicking the pants away then realizing that was probably not a smart idea because now he’s half naked in between Ashley and you.  

“Ash I -” 

“You were taking forever, wanted to know why. Thought you said there was nothing between you two?” She’s practically screeching. You know within minutes there will be a crowd. A crowd Owen will not want, his anxiety will not want. Ignoring his stuttering and the conversation in general, you push away the heat in your belly and the tingling in your spine and take a deep breath. 

Deep breath. 

Be a friend. Do your job.

You grab Owen’s clothes and put them in his hands, ignoring his speaking and Ashley ranting, you grab his hand and then hers, and shove them towards the back exit. 

“This is a trailer conversation, not a wardrobe fitting conversation. Leave, now.” 

“No, I have a lot to say -” 

“Listen to me, I’m trying to do my job and not get Owen in trouble. If you really care about him, you’ll take this conversation to his trailer. Now.” Then you shove them out the door before Ashley could screech some more. 

Deep breath. 

Do your job. 

You go back to the fitting area, only to see Charlie, Jer, and Madi standing there, looking confused. 

Deep breath.

Do your job.

“Hey guys. Owen just left. He and Ashley are having a date night.” Charlie gives you a look, but Jer and Madi nod, going to accept it, but Charlie has to open his big dumb Canadian mouth. 

“Why’d we hear screaming then?” Charlie questions. Jer and Madi look at each other, then back at you. 

“Oh, uh, mouse. I saw a mouse. Yep. Mouse. Anyway, I have to get this clothes hung up before they wrinkle, so excuse me.” 

Deep breath. 

Do your job.

You walk around the trio, gathering the suit and shaking everything out as you walk over to the Alex rack to hang them up. You hear the door to the room open and two sets of feet walking out. 

“Charlie, everything is fine okay? Just a little misunderstanding.” 

“Like?” You sigh and turn around from finishing hanging up the clothes. 

“Like...Owen kinda fell and when I went to help him I feel too...on top of him.” There’s silence then, 

“OH MY GOD! Y/N THAT’S LIKE FANFIC SHIT THAT WAS THE MOMENT! DID YOU KISS OH MY GOD TELL ME EVERYTHING!” He’s jumping up and down as he makes his way to you. 

“Ashley walked in.” All excitement stops.

“Oh shit.” You nod, walking past him to settle on the couch, pulling a pillow to your chest. 

“Yeah. And she started screeching and I knew Owen wouldn’t like to attention so I shoved them out the back door to his trailer.” Charlie’s arm goes around you, pulling you close. He goes to say something, but your phone ringing indicating a text from Owen stops him. You pull it out, opening it as Charlie watches over your shoulder. 

My trailer plz. 

Charlie starts shaking your shoulders, smiling like a maniac. “This is your chance Y/N go go GO!” you shake your head at Charlie’s antics, but leave nonetheless. 

Anxiety creeps up on you as you get closer and closer to his trailers, not knowing what you’re going to walk into. Him firing you? Saying you can’t be friends anymore? Ashley ready to claw your face off? 

Deep breath.

Be a friend.

You knock on his door. It opens a second later to a frantic looking Owen. Now you're anxious about him. Why does he look upset? Is he okay? He grabs your hand and pulls you into his, oh, empty trailer. Ashley is nowhere to be seen. 

“Hey, thanks for coming.” You nod, still looking around expecting her to jump out and slap you. “Um, sit. Sit, I have to talk to you about something.” You go to sit on the couch, but then remember what occurred there yesterday and instead lean against the counter. He notices but doesn’t say anything. 

“Yeah okay. What’s up?” You try to act nonchalant, but the anxiety is too high for that. ‘I have to talk to you about something’ never ends well. He walks over and sits on the bed pats the spot next to him. God, this can’t be a good conversation if he really wants you to sit. 

“Ashley and I were never...on here.” He mumbles. You walk over and sit next to him, blushing that he caught on to why you didn’t sit on the couch. 

“Must be serious if you need me to sit.” Owen takes a deep breath, another, another, and then there’s lips on your. They’re soft and nice and taste like carmex chapstick. 

“Mhm, Owen, what, what are you doing?” Your faces are still close together, both of you not wanting to back away yet. 

“I’m gonna talk. Okay I’m gonna talk and I want you to listen and not crawl inside your head too soon okay?” You nod, knowing in this moment you’d do anything to keep him this close. 

“I knew Ashley from high school. She started texting me a few weeks back and one thing led to another and she was calling me her boyfriend. I didn’t want it but it happened and I let it because it got my mind off a girl I shouldn’t like because it would ruin so many things. I didn’t know she was coming to visit and when she knocked on my trailer she jumped me and just kept going. And I just went along with everything yesterday because I’m supposed to be her boyfriend and I’m supposed to think about those things with her and I’m supposed to want those things with her, but I don’t Y/N. I don’t want those things with her I never did. I, I want them with you. I’ve wanted them with you from the moment you finally stopped being shy around me and dragged me from crafts by my ear to hair and makeup. You’re so amazing Y/N and I thought if I did anything I’d ruin this and ruin your career and I didn’t want that. I never wanted that so I went along with Ashley but I shouldn’t have because the whole time I was thinking about you. It’s always been -” You kiss him. You grab him by the cheeks and kiss him. It’s a passionate kiss, an ‘about time’ kiss, an ‘i’m never letting you go’ kiss. 

You only break away when you can’t breathe, and even then you only pull away enough to breath in each other’s air. 

“She left. She’s gone. She knew I was never 100% in.” You nod, but you’re not really listening. You can’t hear anything other than your heartbeat. 

He likes you. 

Owen likes you.

Owen kissed you. 

“It’s always been you, Y/N.” You smile. It’s a big one that you have to hamper down by biting your lip. Owen smiles back, then you’re kissing again. 

And again. 

And again.

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

How Bad is Sia’s “Music” really?

I watched it illegally (because there was no way I was paying for that bullshit) and found out. It’s not as bad as we thought... It’s worse.

TW for ableism, Sia, drugs, alcohol, just in general a terrible movie, meltdowns, blackface

Literally the first thing you hear while they’re showing the production companies is THOSE stereotypical noises. If you’ve seen the trailer, you’ll know what I mean.

And yes, she does this for the WHOLE fucking movie

What was the need to show her in her underwear? Maddie Ziegler was 14 when this was made, so what was the need??? And why did Sia prolong the scene by having her hitting herself?

Less than a minute in and my reaction was already “what the fuck is this shit?”

So the opening number not only had stereotypical exaggerated facial expression, it has Maddie in BLACKFACE?!? And with culturally appropriated hair?!?

The exaggerated facial expressions are literally constant and I took photos during the film to show it, more later, but I’ll keep mentioning it

ITS LITERALLY THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME SHE IS ON SCREEN

Even her way of walking is fucking offensive, Jesus Christ

The vocalisations just had me cringing so hard, I cannot describe how awful it made me feel

Why do all the neighbours need to be paid off and help her when she goes for a walk? I don’t-

Yes, by about the five minute mark I was already seriously debating all my life decisions. It was that bad.

Kate Hudson really didn’t give a fuck that her grandma died

I will keep saying it but WHY are the facial expressions/vocalisations CONSTANT?!! Literally they do not stop at all. I work with a child who is actually similar to this in that he’s nonverbal and he makes similar noises/faces, but the way they’re in this movie is so over-exaggerated?!? And even the kid I work with doesn’t do it 24/7?!?

Sia, calling your characters Zu and Music doesn’t make them interesting in the slightest. They’re still painfully terrible and one dimensional

Literally ONE minute after being left alone with her autistic sister, Zu calls the mental health service asking if they could “theoretically” “pick up” her sister?!? Like she wants to get rid of her already?!?

“A magical little girl” - autism isn’t a magical power?!? And Music is a young woman, not a little girl?!? Why are you infantilising her?!?

Okay I’m not being funny but this choreography is NOT hard. ANYONE can do it, so claiming that you needed to hire a dancer to be Music because of the numbers is literally bullshit (and even so, there are so many amazing autistic actors and dancers?!?)

20 minutes in and I wanted to give up

So she had her first meltdown because her hair didn’t get braided immediately and that’s... certainly interesting??

The fact that Leslie Odom’s character says “I’m going to crush you now”?!?

AND THEN HE FUCKING PICKS HER UP AND FULL-BODILY PINS HER DOWN ONTO THE FLOOR

“I’m crushing her with my love” - oh fuck you, just fuck you

So Sia lied, the restraint scenes were NOT removed and there was no warning. She’s a fucking POS liar

I have no idea why he’s called Ebo or why he has such a cliche African accent?!? I might have missed out on why because I was busy trying not to bang my head into the table while I watched this film but just... yikes

“He (his brother) liked to be held” - YEAH, HELD. NOT FUCKING CRUSHED

“He is dead now” - IM NOT FUCKING SURPRISED IF YOU CRUSHED HIM LIKE THAT

The constant babying and patronizing of the autistic character is so exhausting to watch. I’m so tired

“Planning on sending her to the people pound but I guess I’ll keep her a little longer” - SHE WAS JOKING BUT THAT WAS NOT EVEN REMOTELY A FUNNY JOKE. NOT EVEN IN AN AWKWARD WAY

STOP THE FACES IM-

^ YEAH, Sia, totally a fucking love letter to the autistic community here ^

So Zu finds this necklace she made as a kid that had a little dog on it, and she says to Music, “He had seizures too, just like you”... MELTDOWNS AND SEIZURES ARE NOT EVEN REMOTELY THE SAME FUCK THIS MOVIE-

It’s like Sia is trying to make the movie funny but it’s really not at all

Is Zu implying that Music is autistic because the mum was a junkie?!?

For real though, the dialogue in general is so fucking awful and cringey. Whoever wrote this should never be allowed to write again

Did she seriously leave her autistic sister alone to talk to who I’m presuming was her dealer or loan shark?!?

Also why is he - a white dude - wearing cornrows?!?

So who is the film really about? The autistic girl or the older sister saviour? I think we all know the answer to that one

WHY IS SHE WALKING AROUND WITH HER TEETH JUTTING OUT LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME

The musical numbers are literally so painful to watch. The overly bright colours, the flashing... my eyes were hurting and so was my brain

Autism representation aside for a second, the musical numbers/choreography are all fucking atrocious. Ditto for the costumes

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK WERE THE PINK OOMPA LOOMPA FRUIT THINGS?!? THEY LOOK LIKE THE PINK VERSIONS OF VIOLET BEAUREGARDE THE BLUEBERRY

I wanted to cry by this point, this movie is far more awful than I thought

“I’m not saying she doesn’t want to change, I’m saying she can’t” - FUCK YOU. Why is it okay for him to assume what she can or can’t do

Can I just say that autistic people aren’t constantly in a coked up wonderland state?!! We don’t see the world as a wonderland fantasy world 24/7?!!

“She can hear you from two rooms away” / *shows her listening through two brick walls to a conversation* — Also, we don’t have super fucking sonic hearing?? WE CANT HEAR THROUGH FUCKING BRICK WALLS?!?

“She can understand everything you’re saying to her” - she’s autistic not fucking deaf

Less than 45 minutes in, there’s another meltdown in the park

“I’m not climbing on top of a small screaming white girl in public” - yeah please fucking don’t

So Zu fucking pins her down with her weight 🤦‍♀️

“She doesn’t know who she’s hitting” - IM SORRY WHAT

EBO LITERALLY SAID “TREAT HER LIKE A BEAR” when talking her through the prone restraint, I fucking CANNOT

“Tell her she’s safe” - NOT IF YOU FUCKING RESTRAIN HER LIKE THAT SHE IS NOT

The fact that she gets up, smiling and happy after a meltdown and immediately is excited to get a snow cone... I can honestly say that after a meltdown, I am in no way happy or smiling. I am often not very verbal and I’m withdrawn/not myself for at least several hours, usually the rest of the day. Fuck this film

This film is literally just about Zu, and Music is there for a plot device to give her character development. That’s all she’s there for.

Love how Sia shoehorned Zu being suicidal in there. You know, just to try and make her more easy to sympathize with (it doesn’t work)

This film is literally just a 1 hour 47 minute Sia music video with ZERO plot

WHY WERE THEY WEARING PILLOW DIAPERS IN ONE NUMBER-

I really did not feel into the side plot with that guy who was fighting but it was still better than the actual movie so...

I am SO DONE with the NON STOP CONSTANT vocal shit. So tired.

LOJ’s only role in this film is to be the stereotypical wise black guy who assists a white woman’s story. There’s like hardly any other depth there

The Ebo/Zu romance is so fucking stupid and pointless and out of NOWHERE. I couldn’t even tell if they were into each other or not

I was already so bored of the musical numbers by this point. They added NOTHING to the plot but they pretended they did, and I was so over it. And it’s not because I’m not “creative enough” or anything to understand, I love musicals and I think it could have been cool if done right... but it wasn’t. They were a mess. It’s just bad.

Sia really tried to pretend her movie was deep but really it’s a shallow mess

So Zu is meeting rich drug clients and says to Music “try not to have one of your freak outs up there” and “if you could try to get it out now”... FUCKING YIKES. It’s not an on/off button, shut the fuck up

YEP THIS WAS THE SIA CAMEO FUCK THAT BITCH

The fact that she just calls “DRUG DEALER?!? DRUG DEALER IS THAT YOU”, fucking end this please-

I fucking hate this bitch I’m dead serious

“We’re gonna send them to Haiti cause there’s been an earthquake. All these buildings fell down, children’s bones were dislocated” - WHY WAS SHE SO CHEERFUL ABOUT IT

“Gonna buy a shit load of pain meds, gonna but them on my private plane” - FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU

“Pop stars without borders” - Sia thinks she’s so clever but I would give anything to punch her I swear-

ANOTHER MUSICAL NUMBER JUST STOP IM BEGGING YOU

There’s this awkward conversation/bit with Zu and her drug dealer/loanshark about his outfit that was clearly meant to be funny but was just flat and painful

Yep, Sia really showed Music eating chewing gum off the underside of a park bench. Of course.

Look, the kid I work with does similar stuff by putting literally anything and everything in his mouth but like... why would you put that in your movie?

And there’s no indication before this that Music puts everything and anything in her mouth, she just randomly decides to get on her knees, under the bench and eat chewing gum, like she calculates that it’s there and gets it???

She has a THIRD meltdown after an allergic reaction to a bee sting and her sister just yells at her before realizing... I’m not here for this movie, I feel like I drifted off and was not really there

So Zu got angry because she left the drugs at the park but she’s not that upset that her sister had an allergic reaction???

Zu gets absolutely drunk because a) she lost Sia’s drugs and b) she’s stressed out by her autistic sister... wow, great message, Sia!

She really fucked off and left her sister alone to go clubbing/on a bender

The less said about the musical number here the better

Sia’s movie also checks the box of having stereotypical Asian parents, specifically stereotypical Asian dad being harsh/angry and hitting his wife!

ALSO HE PUSHED AND KILLED HIS SON WTF IS HAPPENING

Less than 3 minutes after the last, there’s a musical number that I think was about this side character going to heaven... another shitty Sia-esque number

The patterns during the number made my brain hurt.

Also there are so many autistic actors who can also dance, and yet Sia chose the neurotypical one because ✨ N E P O T I S M ✨

I just want to know how it was deemed necessary to show the fact the autistic character peed/wet herself? I mean... ??? It’s just so undignified and not at all necessary to the plot. Nothing happens after that, it just moves onto the next scene and it didn’t do anything

“I have no one” - 1) YOUR FUCKING SISTER. 2) GEE I FUCKING WONDER WHY, couldn’t be that you’re a shitty human being?!?

There’s a scene where Music is walking and she does ALL the stereotypical behaviours at once... just YIKES

Zu somehow stopped another meltdown just by grabbing Music by the shoulders and sitting her down???

Aaand yep. Another shitty musical number

Zu really goes to put her sister in a fucking facility and claims it’ll be “better for her” - BULLSHIT. Better for Zu, maybe, not Music.

Ah yes - the girl who the characters have said has problems with routines being changed/change in general... you’re now going to fuck up her routine by dumping her in a facility. Perfect Plan.

The nonverbal autistic girl suddenly speaking to say “don’t go” - you can just predict it from the off, can’t you?

Love that as soon as Music starts talking, Zu is like “fuck it, I’ll keep her!”

Zu really went and crashed Ebo’s brothers wedding... in a fucking bralette... YIKES

“I almost gave Music away” - SHE IS NOT A DOG YOU DONT GIVE PEOPLE AWAY

“We should sing a song” - PLEASE DO FUCKING NOT

Also that kiss/romance montage between Zu and Ebo was the CRINGIEST fucking shit ever

This movie seems to be implying that Music has locked in syndrome or something, like she’s locked in her own head or whatever it’s called, and I just... *sigh*

Oh and now Music magically fucking sings in a room FULL of strangers... this is literally embarrassing, please let this end

I mean it, this movie was fucking painful to watch on ever level

She got a service dog puppy which... okay?

Oh look, it’s the only decent song on the soundtrack but with an absolutely shitty over-stimulatory music video with the credits!

I can only name 5 characters in this film. Maybe 7 at a push, but even then I would be guessing

AND YEP SHE THANKED AUTISM SPEAKS OVER THE CREDITS. FUCK YOU SIA 🖕🏻

Let me reiterate: this is a movie about a neurotypical former drug addict whose character development comes from the autistic character, from having an autistic sister she has to take care of. I’m so tired.

We are NOT plot devices or tools for character development. Not once does anyone in this film treat Music like a human being - she’s treated as a burden, a problem, and then like a pet that they decide to keep. Not once is the film focused on how she is feeling - it’s always about Zu or Ebo. The performance itself was so over exaggerated and it made me want to cry when I watched it because this is how the world sees us, and this movie will make it ten times worse. It’s stuff like this that made me think “I don’t want to be labelled as autistic because people will think I’m a certain way”, that made me wait so long before going to the GP to get a referral.

As I said, poor autistic representation aside, the movie is just so appallingly bad. It truly is one of the worst films I’ve watched. If you’re going to watch it, please don’t - or, if you want to because you want to see how bad it is/to raise awareness/critical posts, at least do it illegally. Do not give Sia your money.

[wheremytwinwatches]

[Where My Twin Watches]: Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood Episode 51

Last Time: The Bus Came Back, Al really needs to learn Morse Code, and the Golems woke up. Onwards!

Oh snap, new opening. Soft music as Ed and Al stand together in Central, looking at the lit-up castle until Ed looks away to blue pictures of Roy’s Crew wait I just saw Hughes in there. Oooh no. That’s not a good sign. Ok it’s including everyone from Armstrong the Great to General Grumman so unless this show’s heading towards a Total Party Wipe (which is not as unlikely as I’d like) it must just be stylistic. Wait what that was a white Truth outline that looked a heck of a lot like Winry. Please tell me she’s ok. Aaaand now it’s all red and black as someone (Ed?) screams and other flashes of red souls oh it’s the Goths. Aw hell it’s the Goths! And Uncle as well looking annoyed until GAH it’s one of those freaking Golems. Ok back to calming blue pictures of the Good Guys, then Al’s Soul still sitting at the Gate of Truth with his empty armor behind him, and Truth laughing like the jerk he is. Winry! Wi- wait why are you standing in a white dress at the edge of a cliff? Young lady that’s far too close, step back right now. Also stop crying and/or point me in the direction of whoever made you cry. We get a title for this song (“Rain”) as townspeople and villagers look up at the storm clouds in concern, and Military soldiers run out alongside tanks whaaaaat is that? What is that there’s a hunched figure standing in flames, zoomed in to show glowing white eyes and very big teeth. Now it’s Bradley in a bloodied white shirt sitting in the rain acting all calm and collected, switch to complete opposite of Scar tossing aside his jacket ooooh are we gonna get Scar fighting Bradley in this arc? Yeah I know that the trailers always lie but there tends to be elements of truth like the arms that grabbed Al coming up in a later arc. Now it’s the Chimera Army (sadly not under the command of General Al), and the Armstrong Siblings standing alongside each other and Mrs. and Mr. Curtis! Good to see you guys again! Wait Roy why do you look so upset? Riza why are you crying in an alleyway with your dog? And now Ed and Al are standing on opposite sides of a tree damnit are they gonna get separated again? Ok finally the sun’s broken through NOPE NOPE DEAD PERSON ALERT THAT LOOKS LIKE MAMA ELRIC BUT IT PROBABLY ISN’T EITHER RUN OR PUNCH IT ED. Nevermind he was just dreaming. While being watched over by Winry. Kinda cute, but kinda creepy too. Episode 51 - “The Immortal Legion” Oh great, this episode is gonna focus on those creepy Golems. Just what I wanted to start the new year with, yay. So a bunch of pipes are disconnecting from the gasping artificial zombies who land kneeling on the floor, before standing GREAT they’re in that uncanny 3D modeling that Titan!Envy used. Officer laughs at the labcoat’s insistence that they needed more tests, pointing at the undying, obedient, invincible soldiers. [Officer]: “We have our Title Drop, at long last!” Now he’s ordering the Golems (“Papa” NO) to deal with the renegade ele- Uh What So… One of the Golems walked forward and just… tore out his throat with its teeth. And a bunch of other Golems have pounced on the screaming Officer. Who’s no longer screaming. Aaaand now they’ve stopped, and turned with bloody mouths to the labcoat. … … … How fucking stupid are these guys? I mean really. REALLY. How has Amestris lasted as a country this long if this is what its leadership and researchers are like? How could the labcoats have failed so spectacularly to create Zombies when the goal was to create Golems? What kind of shoddy “tests” were they running to not figure out that their supposedly obedient soldiers were mindless killing beasts? Was there no prototype? Did they literally build an army of these things just assuming that they would all work? You fail, my good sirs! You fail at Science! And you, Officer! You completely ignored the guy whose job it is to know things, who told you that the weapon wasn’t ready, and you just set it off? You were so blinded by your arrogance and desire for command over others that you unleashed this army of Zombies without any assurance that they wouldn’t kill you for standing in front of them? Uncle. I get that you’re a bad guy. I get that you view humanity as a lesser species, no better than fuel for yourself and your Goths. And frankly, after seeing this Kimblee level of incompetence, I can see your point. But you have to have seen this coming. You had to have known that your minions were this stupid, this incredible level of dumbfuckery that has me storming around my room, ranting at the utter failure of this Officer and researcher. Clearly this is the reason you made your Goths, because if this was the level of ability you led before you made more competent henchmen? It’s a miracle that the whole country hasn’t gone up in flames without even the slightest effort by the Conspiracy.

Ok. Ok, we need to move on. So while that whole mess is kicking off, Ed’s reached the Door beneath The Third Laboratory. Oh hey, Barry’s still there! Miss you, you were funny when you weren’t killing innocents or trying to flirt with Riza. Giant door, check. Now how to open it. Actually, do we want to open it? Is it connected to the Transmutation Circle, is opening it playing into Uncle’s hands? Ah well, Ed’s gonna try anyway, struggles for a bit pulling at the seam (maybe it’s a push door?) until Scar gets bored and prepares to HoD it oh hey it’s opening CLOSE IT CLOSE IT CLOSE IT ZOMBIES CLOSE IIIIIIIIITTTTTTT Oh hey Armstrong the Great. Still haven’t killed the second General? Yeah he’s more useful as a bullet shield right now, and he’s still a General so he can order the Central Forces to stand down. Only he’s not giving the order? Huh. I’m actually kinda impressed here, guy’s been stabbed multiple times and has a gun to his head but he still gives an order to seal all entrances to Central. Still a bad guy and Armstrong the Great’s absolutely going to kill him now, but still. Ooor instead of Armstrong the Great, it’ll be Sloth literally crushing him. Ouch. Oooh dear, seems Sloth’s been ordered to kill Armstrong the Great for interfering, and she doesn’t have a tank or a snowstorm this time. She’s still laughing though, thanking the Goth for opening up another General seat, and brandishes her blade. [Armstrong the Great]: “This sword was passed through the Armstrong Family for generations. Now I don’t have to sully it with his filthy blood!” Adventure Strings continue as Ed’s fighting the Zombie Horde, the Chimera’s are throwing punches and Scar’s breaking out the HoDs to kill… oh dear. Scar’s One Hit Kill isn’t killing. That’s not good. The Zombies groan and shuffle around them- [Zombie]: “Big Brother!” NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU, WHOEVER WROTE THAT LINE YOU DO NOT TARNISH ONE OF THE SADDEST MOMENTS IN THIS SHOW WITH THESE MONSTERS SCREW. YOU.

Ed’s reacting in shock, realizing that they used human souls to make the Zombies, even somehow poor Nina’s. And for all the Zombies already, more and more come pouring through the door. Scar’s right, if these things escape outside to where civilians are just standing around wondering at all the Military soldiers running around, it’ll be a slaughter… Oh. Ok, I get it. Uncle deliberately set this up so the Officers (who are still IDIOTS) would set off a slaughter of the Central populace, probably to fuel the Transmutation Circle like Kimblee orchestrated the Drachman’s destruction up north. Back inside, Ed seals off the exit to keep the Zombies in ok sorry I have to say something, did the animation budget get cut for this episode to focus on the Zombies? Because for whatever reason Ed just seems off-model today, his face keeps looking rounder and younger. Anyways, the Chimeras are eager to let loose in a fight and transform, the group charges towards the Gate to plow through the horde and reach “that bearded bastard”. Outside Military forces are trying to close off roads and keep the Armory Ice Cream Truck from escaping, until a certain Briggs Officer arrives to express his displeasure. [Central Officer]: “A- a bear! A bear with a mohawk! Aaaa-” So Roy and his Crew are safely out of town, but now they’ll have some trouble getting back in. Although the Military are looking for an ice cream truck specifically. Almost makes me wish Ed was here to Transmute up a disguise for the vehicle. Almost mind you, things aren’t so desperate we need that just yet. Lion’s still at the Dome, wondering how things are going with the others. With nothing better to do he goes to talk to Al, ask what that annoying tapping noise is FINALLY thank you so Al didn’t know but Lion with his military experience was able to identify the dot dot dot dash dash dash dot dot dot and realize that Al needs to shut Pride up, NOW. He’s been broadcasting your loca- Uh oh. Kimblee’s here. And as much as I insult the guy, I think he’s probably strong enough to brush past an injured Lion and break Pride out- Or straight up kill Lion while knocking a hole in the Dome. Damnit. Pride is loose. Mid-ep pictures of Zombies (“Mannequin Soldiers”) doing the See-Speak-Hear No Evil poses, and Alphonse Elric looking pissed. Aw shit May’s getting chased by Zombies in the tunnels! Run May! Run Shao May! Screw Envy, leave him to get eaten by the monsters! She screams at Envy for tricking her while he yells that her source of Immortality is still further inside, then she takes a moment to lay a beautiful if ineffective beatdown on some Zombies before catching oh shit I was joking about Envy getting eaten nobody deserves- Uh oh. [Envy]: “I’m baaaack!” Soooo, Envy’s kind of… melded with the Zombie, who ate another Zombie and then melded with all of the other Zombies to make Titan!Envy, who shrunk down into standard Envy. Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a Goth back in play. Crap. In the village near the Dome, Yoki’s panicking at the Military presence, trying to persuade Marcoh to stay quiet and not draw attention to themselves. But Marcoh’s upset at not doing anything. Also, what’s that smoke coming from the Dome? Pride’s sauntering out, Kimblee actually sounds a bit unnerved at the news that Pride ate another Goth. Pride’s justifying it as them coming from the same father, they’re just in a combined form again. Oh hey, Lion’s still alive! Kinda. Not looking or sounding too good, though. Al rushes forward damnit he just got grabbed by Pride’s shadows, he’s gonna get possessed again and Ed’ll have to fight him damnit. But Al transmutes the ground for a Big Boom, ok so dust to block out the shadows? Or not, Pride still has Al’s feet… aha! He only has Al’s feet! Al pulled a Lan Fan! Back to Battle Drum music as Armstrong the Great’s fighting Sloth, who’s smashing up the room with his chains. Armstrong the Great, honey, don’t waste your bullets on Sloth, it’s doing nothing. Maybe your sword? Damnit Military grunts, stop bothering Armstrong the Great by threatening to shoot her for treason. See, that’s what you get for threatening Armstrong the Great, she just dodges so you take the hit from Sloth. Thanks for the grenade, btw! So that’s not going to do much to Sloth (besides be funny as he “Huh?”s at the grenade right in his face, but maybe Armstrong the Great can use the smoke to- [Sloth]: “Hey, look! I caught you! And this time, I won’t mess up.” Well that aint good. Sloth’s got her trapped against a pillar and is squeezing her to death, Armstrong the Great’s actually in pain and-

YES [The Mighty Armstrong]: “HEELLLOOO, SISTER! AAAARRREE YOOOOOU ALLLRIGHT?! HAH HAH!” *sparkles and explosion because AWESOME* He’s back! The Mighty Armstrong is back, and after sending Sloth flying with a single punch is ready to fight alongside his snarky sibling! Armstrong the Great updates The Mighty Armstrong on the plot (that’s a Goth, bullets are useless, I want my tanks back). [The Mighty Armstrong]: “You don’t say? *sparkle* Fortunately dear sister, that is my specialty! Why don’t you let your brother have a crack at it! I’ll take this atrocity down! Come on, you monster!” [Sloth]: “Ugh. What a pain.” Hey! Hey hey hey don’t you skip away from the Armstrong Fight! Go back to Best Characters! Ugh, ok fine Al’s current situation of trying to drag a grievously wounded Lion away from the dome while his own legs are stumps is sufficiently dramatic enough I’ll accept the scene switch. This time. But yeah, Al and Lion are in a tough spot. Lion’s even telling Al to leave him behind, which Al is having none of. But really now, Al’s down a few limbs, when the dust clears they’ll be facing Kimblee and Pride together, and Lion’s coughing up blood. Now Al’s knee has blown out and he’s resorting to beating the crap out of it in frustration. [Lion]: “You brothers… are really something else… You’re still determined to help another person, even when you’re falling to pieces yourself.” Now Al’s talking about his promise, to never let anyone else die. So now the show’s going to either force Al to break his promise abandon Lion at the Chimera’s insistence, or he’ll keep trying until the dust fades and Pride walks up and kills Lion before repossessing Al’s armor anyway. This sucks- wait, what’s Lion have in his pocket?

HOLY LETO IT’S THE PHILOSOPHER’S STONE! I completely forgot that Lion pocketed it ages ago after Ed’s injury. Has the dude been carrying around one of the setting’s most prized MacGuffin’s in his pocket this whole time? Dude. Also, is this going where I think it’s going?

So they’re discussing the dilemma: with their own Stone they might be able to fight against the other guy armed with one and the ‘kid’ powered by two, but if they use the Stone they’ll be using the souls used in making it. And if I remember, this was Kimblee’s first stone, the one made with Ishvalan Sacrifices. Lion talks about Ed’s conviction to not use Stones on their bodies. Instead, he says to “use it to save the entire world instead”. [Lion]: “You deserve it. Because even if they’ve been put into that Stone, you still recognize them as people. I know… those people… even though they’re trapped in Stone, they still want to fight to protect what matters to them. Let them fight. They deserve the chance!” I’m picturing the Ishvalans in the stone cheering. “Heck yeah let’s kick some ass! That jerk in the tacky suit used us to murder our own people, we want to tear him apart!” Al agrees. They’ll fight together. Thank you. For all my ranting at not using the Stone to heal Ed back then, I can appreciate this take. Using a Stone is Wrong, and it cannot be something that our Protagonists ever truly accept. But when faced with no other options, and using it specifically to help others, not themselves, it is acceptable that Al uses the Stone to fight back. Outside the cloud Kimblee asks if he should blow it away, but Pride’s overconfident and says they’re trapped without Al’s legs- BOOM! Flash of red, Kimblee loses his hat in the windblast, and Al strides out on newly-Transmuted legs. Kimblee smiles. New Outro! We’ve got… I can’t tell if it’s Beardless or Al, going by the stonework I’m going to assume Beardless. Still Beardless, hair blowing in the wind...still Beardless...still Beardless...what is the whole Outro just Beardless never mind it just switched to Mama Elric’s grave, then a crowd of Xerxes folk hey it’s that picture Keaton used to show Xerxians have no black outline to their hair. Then either Beard or Uncle walking through the desert in a white cloak, and the Elric Household complete with the swing that Beard nearly broke his back setting up. Whoop speaking of we have a grumpy Beard surrounded by white light and shattering stone, then Homunculus sulking in his flask. Also, A+ on putting the only credit this screen (Mixing Engineer Adrian Cook) right in front of the one-eyed circle monster.

Ooh, but now we’ve got an orbital view of the planet, with a giant circular shock wave coming off of it. Implying the Nationwide TC is activated? Now Ed looking serious in his red coat, and poor skinny Al’s soul smiling in front of the Gate. Now it’s his armor form standing in front of a sunset (Ending Theme “Ray of Light”), and a final shot of the road leading to the Rockbell home.

[paradisobound]

I Want It, I Got It: Chapter 1

Summary: Phil Lester was a worker for the BBC in London. Working in the advertising department, he was content being alongside his friend and fellow coworker PJ during every shift. However, the BBC is temporarily being used as a film set for a new movie staring Hollywood ‘It’ star, Daniel Howell. Being stuck as an extra on the set, Phil finds it’s hard to ignore the famous star. And maybe, just maybe, Dan finds it hard to ignore Phil as well.

Word Count: 1.8k (this chapter)

Warnings: Occasional swearing

Rating: Mature (for right now)

A/N: Ahh look at me. Starting another chaptered fic. Remember how I said a while ago that I hoped to have a fic to begin posting by Valentines Day? Well, this isn’t the fic. But I’ll take it lol I know I have a very bad track record lately of completing what I’ve started but I have 10k written on this fic already so I’m set for the next like five weeks which gives me plenty of time to finish the fic! Every one when I asked wanted this fic and I’m so glad because I’ve really grown to fall in love with it!

As always: I’m not an expert, nor a movie star or anything, so I’m not saying any of this accurate. I just thought this might be how it goes. But I hope you all enjoy it anyway! Happy reading!

Updates will be every Sunday at 1pm EST until I have the fic finished and then it’ll be twice weekly

**Masterlist | Read on Ao3**

“Dear Workers,

The BBC Studio will be closed for the next week to accommodate the filming of a new featured film starring Daniel Howell and Mimei Lake. During this time, you will have to work from home on any projects you may be in the middle of. A select few of you will be asked to work on the set as extras for the film. We’ll email those we selected by the end of tomorrow.

Hope this isn’t a hassle and apologies for any inconveniences.

Corporate”

****

“Did you read the new email?” Phil turned his head to his friend PJ sitting next to him in their office. “They’re actually closing down the whole building just to film a few scenes for one movie.”

Phil, coffee in hand and his laptop open to said same email, sighed. “It’s a Daniel Howell movie. Of course they’re shutting down the entire building.”

PJ rolled his eyes. Everyone knew of Daniel Howell. He was only the biggest actor in Hollywood right now. But that didn’t mean that everyone shared in on the fangirling when it came to his name being mentioned. “The BBC is gonna be untouchable all next week. I don’t even wanna know how many girls and guys are going to flock here to meet him.”

“He doesn’t do photos and autographs though?” Phil brought up, setting his mug on the table and shutting his laptop down. His work was nearly done anyway for the day.

“Still never stops the fans.” PJ says, tipping his head. “He’ll mention he’s in London on his Instagram or Twitter and then it’ll be over.”

Phil nodded. Yeah, that sounds pretty much correct. “Fair enough.”

“Who do you think they selected to work on set?” PJ asked. “I reckon they chose some of the interns because that they don’t have to pay them.”

“I hope it’s not me.” Phil says immediately. “God, the less I have to be here during this time, the better.”

“It’s gonna be impossible to even get here.” PJ adds. “They’re gonna block off all of the streets to accommodate Daniel’s massive trailer that he lugs everywhere.”

“I don’t even want to imagine.” Phil says. “I’d much rather just stay in my flat with Spike and work on my laptop.”

PJ nodded in agreement.

Just as PJ began to speak again, the door to their office opened and their coworker Gemma walked in, her expression giddy and a smile plastered on her lips. “Did you two see the email?”

Both PJ and Phil nodded.

“How are you both not more excited about this?” Gemma exclaimed. “Daniel freaking Howell is gonna be walking around our building! He could sit in your chair right now. Or use my office as a set. Or—”

“He’s just another person.” Phil interrupted her.

“But he’s not though!” Gemma shot back with a smile. “Oh, you two don’t get it.” She waved her hand and walked further into the office. She pulled out a chair at the desk next to Phil and plopped down.

“There isn’t much to get.” PJ countered. “He’s just a bloke who happens to be good looking and also a major celebrity.”

“So you do get it!” Gemma pointed out. “I really hope I’m one of the ones corporate selected to work on set as an extra. I would give anything to stand in the same room as Daniel Howell.”

“They’re probably just going to choose interns.” Phil says. “I doubt they’ll choose any of their paid employees.”

“I wonder if I email corporate if they’ll bump my name on the list and I can do it.”

Pj shrugged and tapped his pen against his forehead. “Doesn’t hurt if you really want to do it.”

“I’m steering clear of this building while he’s here.” Phil comments, picking up his now ice cold coffee mug and taking a sip, cringing at the taste of it.

“What do you have against Daniel Howell?” Gemma asks, folding her arms over her chest.

“He’s just another celebrity.” Phil says. “He’s pretentious and rude.”

“You don’t know that.”

Phil rolled his eyes. “It’s common knowledge.”

“What? That every celebrity is a dick?” Gemma asked, her voice clearly laced with tension. “Isn’t that a bit shallow minded?”

Phil shrugged. “Change my mind but until then, I’m gonna stand by it. I doubt any celebrity like Daniel Howell is down to Earth.”

Gemma scoffed. “Well, I for one think that it would be brilliant to work alongside him.”

Phil chuckled and took another sip of his cold coffee. He definitely didn’t want to work alongside Daniel Howell but he had to admit that it was endearing to see Gemma swooning over the actor.

Once Gemma left, Phil began to pick up his things and prepare to go home for the night. He stuffed his laptop in his backpack and then through in some of the folders he needed to complete the advertising project he was assigned to do for the BBC Radio 1 show.

He and PJ left the BBC at the same time and headed to the tube to go back to their flats. They lived in opposite areas of London but they saw each other often outside of work.

When Phil got to his flat and he opened the door with his key, he was immediately greeted by the excited yips of his puppy Spike. He was a ten month old Corgi that Phil adopted as a puppy. Spike kept him busy and less-lonely on nights where he wished he wasn’t thirty one and hopelessly single.

He bent down and scratched Spike’s belly as he rolled around on his carpet from excitement. Phil eventually stopped petting Spike long enough to go to the kitchen and check his food bowl and water. He knew his brother came over sometimes to let out Spike while he was at work so he sometimes fills up his food and water.

Today was one of those days. His food bowl was heaping over and his water was clean and clear. Martyn just came over not that long ago then. He made a mental note to text Martyn but in the mean time, he called Spike over to his door that lead to the courtyard and hooked a leash on his collar to take him outside one more time for good measure.

After being done, Phil let Spike go back into the flat. He immediately ran over and flopped onto his bed next to the couch and closed his eyes to take a nap. Phil sat down on the couch and looked over his phone, catching up on any notifications he might have missed while he was on his way home.

He saw a notification for an email and he sighed. It was probably some junk mail that some store was sending him. He got them a lot from Topman but to be fair, that’s where his entire wardrobe comes from.

He unlocked his phone and clicked on the email notification and waited to load it up. Once it did, he felt all breath leave his chest.

“To: Philip M. Lester.

Good Evening! If you have seen our emails from this morning you would have seen that the BBC will be closed for the filming of a feature film. Effectively 15th of January at 10pm until 9am on 25th of January, the BBC offices and building will be closed for filming.

However, after careful consideration, we would appreciate your help at the BBC during filming as a film extra. You should report to the BBC by half past 7 on the 15th of January.

If you have any question, email us back. This is part of your scheduled job and you will need to report when assigned.

Corporate”

Phil laid down on the couch and groaned.

Of course his luck would have it this way. Of fucking course this would happen.

***

“So we both got stuck coming didn’t we?”

Phil looked at PJ, his eyes still blurry from having to wake up so early. He didn’t even bother to put his contacts in today, he just threw on his glasses and said forget it.

“Guess so.” Phil says, standing beside PJ on the tube. Their stop was the next one. In the morning, they always ended up on the same tube before they got to the BBC. “This is going to be a disaster.”

“It already is.” PJ answers. “Did you go on Twitter this morning?”

Phil shook his head and pulled his phone out of his pocket. But he should have known he wouldn’t have any service while on the underground.

“It was a Twitter moment that Daniel Howell was spotted in London about to begin filming. He also tweeted, in true form, that he was going to be in London for a few weeks.”

“Oh great.” Phil said, rolling his eyes. “So what you mean is that the BBC is gonna be like impenetrable force?”

“Yep.”

Phil sighed and the tube stopped, the doors opening. They stepped outside and wandered through the crowds to the exit. Once they walked out of the tube station, it was over. They saw the crowds beginning already. Hoards of teenagers and even some adults all screaming and holding signs behind a barrier of police.

“Oh my gosh.” Phil exclaimed. “This is absolute madness!”

“Well, here we go, Lad.” PJ said, hooking his arm with Phil’s and yanking him across the street to the main entrance of the BBC.

They were nearly there when they were stopped by police, asking what they were doing. As soon as they both flashed their BBC badges, they were let inside to even more madness going on.

People were running around everywhere. There were sections of the building completely taped off and there were offices on the first floor that were being blocked by people in front of the door.

They continued walking inside and were greeted by a woman with a clipboard. “Can I get your names?”

“PJ Ligouri.”

“Phil Lester.”

The woman looked over the clipboard and smiled and looked at them both. “Welcome! If you’ll follow me, I’ll take you to where you need to be.”

Just as they were about to walk and follow the woman, loud cheering and screaming began behind them, just outside the building. Looking out the door, Phil could see him.

Next Chapter

[a-shebore]

five times kissed

send me ‘five times kissed’ for a drabble about five times our muses kissed ✦ @spacexdadx ✦ selectively accepting.

one.

she's  uncharacteristically  nervous.  her  palms  are  sweaty  and  her  heart  is  beating  way  too  fast.  get  it  together,  clarke.  it’s  just  a  scene.  a  fucking  kiss  scene  with  bellamy  blake.  kane’s  voice  pulls  her  out  of  her  thoughts,  cutting  her  internal  turmoil  short.  time  to  shoot.  this  wouldn’t  been  happening  had  it  not  been  for  the  fans,  who  were  obsessed  with  clarke  and  bellamy’s  characters.  they  claimed  their  chemistry  was  too  good  to  let  it  go  to  waste.  apparently,  kane  and  the  other  writers  agreed.  and  now  they  were  about  to  shoot  their  characters’  first  kiss.  it’s  the  typical  ‘ we  almost  died  without  telling  each  other  how  we  feel  so  now’s  the  time  to  change  that ’  kiss  that  always  had  fans  swooning.  clarke  wanted  to  rehearse  it  beforehand,  but  she  knew  bellamy  would  make  remarks  about  how  that  was  just  her  excuse  to  kiss  him  multiple  times.  so  she  walks  up  to  her  mark  feeling  completely  unprepared.  but  when  kane  yells  ‘ action ! ’,  it  all  changes.  she’s  not  clarke  anymore.  she’s  a  fictional  character.  who’s  deeply  relieved  to  see  the  man  she’s  in  love  with  making  his  way  toward  her.  tears  well  up  in  her  eyes  and  she  mentally  counts  to  three  before  launching  herself  into  bellamy’s  arms.  he  catches  her  easily,  strong  arms  snaking  around  her  waist  and  keeping  her  close  to  him.  their  eyes  meet  and  she  allows  a  single  tear  to  roll  down  her  cheek,  to  which  he  promptly  wipes  away  with  his  thumb.  a  shaky  breath  falls  from  her  lips  before  she’s  pushing  herself  to  her  tiptoes  to  press  them  against  bellamy’s.  the  kiss  is  gentle  and  slow.  the  characters  are  still  wrapping  their  minds  around  the  fact  it’s  actually  happening.  by  the  time  she  finally  pulls  back,  it’s  only  enough  to  rest  her  forehead  against  his.  a  small  smile  eases  its  way  onto  her  lips and—  ‘ and cut !  great  work,  guys. ’  kane  yells  from  somewhere  behind  them.  clarke’s  eyes  snap  open  and  she  immediately  takes  a  step  back,  putting  some  distance  between  her  and  bellamy.  needless  to  say,  they  nail  the  scene  on  the  first  take.

two.

she  really  shouldn’t  be  getting  drunk.  especially  not  when  she  has  a 4:30  call  time  the  next  day.  but  she  needs  it  after  a  tense  phone  call  with  her  mother.  clarke  loves  her  mom,  she  really  does.  but  abby  griffin  can  be  too  overbearing  sometimes  and  it  gets  on  her  daughter’s  nerves.  she’d  just  grabbed  a  bottle  of  cheap  vodka  -  yeah,  she  likes  cheap  shit,  sue  her  -  when  someone  knocks  on  her  front  door.  “  what  the  hell ?  ”  she  mumbles  to  herself,  glancing  at  the  clock  hung  on  her  living  room  wall.  11:46.  she’s  not  expecting  anyone  so  who  the  hell  is  on  the  other  side  of  the  door ?  clarke  gets  her  answer  when  she  opens  said  door.  “  bellamy ?  ”  her  voice  is  laced  with  surprise  and  a  hint  of  annoyance.  all  she  wanted  was  to  get  drunk  in  peace.  “  what  do  you  want ?  ”  she  asks  exasperatedly,  half  expecting  him  to  ask  for  her  script  to  go  over  some  lines.  it  wouldn’t  be  the  first  time.  bellamy  sometimes  forgets  his  script  on  his  trailer  and  clarke  ends  up  letting  him  borrow  hers.  what  she’s  not  expecting  is  for  him  to  pull  out  a  bottle  of  cheap  rum  from  behind  his  back  and  shrug,  somewhat  sheepishly.  ‘  thin  walls. ’,  it’s  all  he  says.  it  doesn’t  take  long  for  her  to  figure  out  he  must’ve  heard  her  argument  with  her  mom.  her  cheeks  warm  and  she  steps  aside  to  let  him  in.  twenty  minutes  later,  she’s  pleasantly  buzzed  and  has  forgotten  about  her  fight  with  her  mother.  bellamy  is  telling  her  a  story  about  a  time  he  had  to  hide  in  a  dumpster  from  a  group  of  crazy  fans.  by  the  time  he  finishes  his  story,  clarke’s  belly  hurts  from  laughing  so  much  and  there  are  tears  in  the  corner  of  her  eyes.  it  takes  her  a  while,  but  she  finally  manages  to  stop  laughing.  she  shakes  her  head  a  little  and  when  she  glances  at  bellamy,  she  finds  him  already  watching  her.  the  energy  in  the  room  shifts  all  of  a  sudden.  she's  unable  to  look  away  from  his  warm  brown  eyes  until  his  gaze  drops  to  her  lips  for  a  fleeting  second.  her  breathing  hitches  and  her  heartbeat  quickens.  she  swallows,  leaning  in  oh  so  very  slowly,  giving  him  plenty  of  time  to  back  away.  he  doesn’t.  in  fact,  he  starts  leaning  in  right  after  she  does.  their  lips  meet  two  seconds  later.  he  tastes  like  cheap  rum  and  peppermint,  and  clarke  can’t  help  but  moan  into  his  mouth.  this  is  so  much  better  than  an  on - screen  kiss.

three.

it’s  too  warm  and  she  can’t  move.  clarke  slowly  opens  her  eyes  and  the  first  thing  she  sees  is  a  bunch  of  clothes  scattered  around  the  room.  there’s  a  black  shirt  by  the  door  and  her  bra  is  dangling  off  her  vanity.  how  the  fuck  did  it  end  up  there ?  suddenly,  there’s  movement  behind  her.  something  squeezes  her  middle  and  clarke  glances  down  to  see  a  tanned  arm  slung  over  her  waist.  her  breathing  gets  caught  on  her  throat  for  a  few  seconds  as  flashes  of  the  previous  night  race  through  her  mind.  suddenly  she  remembers  very  well  know  her  bra  had  ended  up  on  her  vanity.  slowly,  clarke  turns  around  to  face  him.  his  eyes  are  closed  but  somehow  she  can  tell  he’s  awake.  probably  waiting  to  see  if  she’s  going  to  freak  out  on  him  or  not.  clarke  smiles  a  little.  “  i  know  you’re  awake.  ”  she  says,  voice  raspy.  whether  it’s  due  to  her  just  waking  up  or  because  she’d  basically  screamed  bellamy’s  name  over  and  over  the  night  before,  she  doesn’t  know.  he  doesn’t  open  his  eyes  and  clarke  rolls  her  eyes,  closing  the  small  distance  to  peck  at  his  lips.  it’s  a  chaste  kiss.  the  complete  opposite  of  most  kisses  they  had  shared  so  far.  it  doesn’t  take  more  than  three  seconds  for  him  to  kiss  her  back  and  clarke  smiles  against  his  lips.  “  morning.  ”  she  whispers,  nuzzling  his  nose  gently.  this  is  good,  she  thinks.  she  can  get  used  to  it.

four.

she  doesn’t  know  what  hurts  more:  her  head  or  feet.  she’s  had  an  awful  headache  that  doesn’t  seem  to  go  away  despite  the  medication  she’d  taken  for  it  and  the  latter  hurts  because  of  the  new  pair  of  heels  she  was  forced  into.  she  loves  conventions.  loves  meeting  some  of  her  fans,  seeing  their  art  and  getting  to  know  them  a  little.  but  convention  days  are  always  exhausting.  panels,  signing,  photoshoots  and  interviews.  not  always  in  that  order.  at  least  she  has  her  co - workers  with  her  to  shoulder  it  all.  and  bellamy,  of  course.  though  in  his  case  it’s  different.  because  she  wants  to  link  her  fingers  with  his  as  they  walk  to  their  next  interview  or  lay  her  head  on  his  shoulder  as  they  wait  to  walk  up  to  their  seats  in  another  panel.  but  she  can’t  do  any  of  those  things  because  no  one  knows  about  their  relationship  status.  some  people  speculate,  of  course.  a  few  weeks  ago,  a  picture  of  them  walking  out  of  a  small,  relatively  unknown  restaurant,  hand - in - hand  had  been  leaked  to  the  press.  thankfully,  the  quality  of  the  picture  wasn’t  the  best  and  it  was  impossible  to  see  her  face.  so  all  people  know  is  that  famous  actor  bellamy  blake  was  out  on  a  date  with  some  blonde.  their  agents  had  told  them  to  ignore  it,  of  course.  don’t  add  fuel  to  the  fire,  anya  had  told  her  through  the  phone  one  day  and  ended  the  call  before  clarke  could  respond.  ever  since  then,  they  had  kept  to  themselves.  only  were  seen  together  in  public  when  their  friends  were  around,  and  even  then,  they  wouldn’t  stand  close  of  each  other.  it  sucked,  but  clarke  knew  it  was  for  the  best.  when  it’s  announced  that  they  have  a  thirty  minute  break  between  interviews,  she  doesn’t  think  twice  before  standing  up  and  saying  she’s  going  to  the  bathroom  to  touch  up  her  makeup.  her  eyes  meet  bellamy’s  for  a  split  second  before  she’s  turning  on  her  heel  and  leaving  the  conference  room.  she  hopes  he  gets  her  message.  clarke  checks  her  surroundings  before  slipping  into  the  bathroom.  ten  seconds  later,  the  door  opens  and  closes  again.  she  hears  the  lock  clicking  into  place  and  smiles.  large,  familiar  hands  land  on  her  hips  and  she  turns  around,  tipping  her  head  back  to  get  a  better  look  of  bellamy’s  face.  clarke  smiles  again,  tugging  at  the  front  of  his  shirt  to  pull  him  closer.  her  lips  meet  in  a  lazy  kiss  and  she  wraps  her  arms  around  his  neck,  wanting  to  keep  him  close  for  as  long  as  possible.  “  mmm,  ”  she  mumbles  against  his  mouth,  tugging  his  lower  lip  between  her  teeth.  “  i’ve  wanted  to  do  this  all  day.  ”  she  chuckles,  stealing  another  quick  kiss.  “  one  more  interview  and  then  we  can  go.  ”  she  was  more  than  ready  for  it  to  be  over.

five.

shit,  shit,  shit.  it’s  all  clarke  has  been  mumbling  to  herself  for  the  past  five  minutes.  ever  since  she’d  seen  a  picture  of  her  and  bellamy  on  twitter.  he  had  his  arm  slung  around  her  shoulder  and  lips  pressed  to  the  side  of  her  head,  while  clarke  laughed.  they  looked  so  happy.  obviously,  their  fans  were  going  absolutely  crazy  over  this.  her  phone  kept  buzzing  with  mentions  on  twitter  and  texts  of  friends,  asking  if  that  was  real  or  some  high  quality  photoshop  work.  clarke  wasn’t  sure  how  to  or  if  she  was  supposed  to  respond.  “  what  do  we  do ?  ”  she  asks  bellamy,  who  had  been  with  her  when  the  picture  was  released.  before  he  can  respond,  anya’s  ringtone  fills  the  ambient.  clarke  knows  better  than  to  let  anya’s  call  go  to  voicemail,  so,  with  a sigh,  she  accepts  the  call  and  brings  her  phone  to  her  ear.  anya  is  pissed,  of  course.  she  says  that,  as  her  agent,  she  should’ve  been  informed  that  clarke  was  dating  one  of  her  co - stars  to  stop  something  like  that  from  happening.  clarke  tries  reasoning  with  her,  which  only  seems  to  make  things  worse.  but  in  the  end,  she  huffs  and  says  she’ll  deal  with  it  but  that  they  should  say  something  online.  as  usual,  she  hangs  up  before  clarke  can  say  anything.  groaning,  clarke  plops  down  on  the  couch,  throwing  her  feet  on  bellamy’s  lap  because  she  could  really  use  a  foot  massage  right  about  now.  ‘ what’s  the  veredict ? ’,  he  asks,  brown  eyes  watching  her  cautiously.  “  she  wants  us  to  say  something.  ”  clarke  replies.  she  knows  that  anya  is  right.  they  can’t  ignore  this  one,  not  when  it’s  just  so  clearly  them  in  the  picture.  “  i  think  we  should.  ”  she  adds  after  a  moment  of  silence.  glancing  up  to  find  bellamy  watching  her,  clarke  holds  his  gaze  for  a  few  seconds.  slowly,  he  nods.  she  nods  back.  it’s  time.  they’ve  been  together  for  almost  a  year  now.  it’s  honestly  a  miracle  they’ve  manage  to  keep  their  relationship  under  wraps  for  as  long  as  they’ve  had.  “  c’mere.  ”  clarke  says  as  she  whips  her  phone  out  of  her  back  pocket  and  opens  the  camera.  she  tucks  herself  into  bellamy’s  side  and  lifts  the  phone,  flipping  it  to  the  front  camera  and  positioning  it  the  way  she  wants  the  picture  to  look.  once  she’s  happy  with  the  result,  she  turns  her  head  a  little  to  look  at  him.  she  flashes  him  a  smile  before  leaning  in  to  press  her  lips  against  his  and  snap  a  picture.  her  phone  ends  up  on  the  floor  and  they  end  up  making  out  for  a  good  ten  minutes  before  clarke  manages  to  disentangle  herself  from  bellamy.  “  there’s  no  turning  back  now,  blake.  ”  she  jokes  as  she  hits  post  on  the  picture  of  her  and  bellamy  kissing.  a  single  red  heart  as  the  caption.  it  becomes  her  most  liked  picture  on  instagram  within  fifteen  minutes  of  being  posted.  clarke  ends  up  shutting  her  phone  off  for  the  rest  of  the  day  because  it  won’t  stop  buzzing.

[throughtheglassdarkly]

Missing Pieces, part 6

Welcome back. When last you were here, Day got all schmoopy. Onward.

So, Denny’s happened. Later, we agreed that eating at Denny’s at 8:00 p.m. was somehow less respectable than eating at Denny’s at midnight. But it was a long day and we all could stand to have some greasy comfort food. We all decided to head home, get an early night’s sleep, and then head out to Schenectady in the morning to check out the beer hall. Bella decided to stay over at Pam’s place, letting Duke Lamington know where she was, and everybody else went back to their places. I spent a solid 25 minutes giving Adrian index card updates via Paisley.

As I was about getting ready to go to bed, I noticed a quick flash from across the street. Upstairs, Yova noticed it, too, and we both looked out the window to see a jalopy. Yova quickly got dressed and dashed downstairs, while I was able to see a pretty big guy – not big in the Day or Nash sense, but a heavyweight human man – jump into a car and drive away. It was a beat-up old sedan that looked about as functional as Yova’s crappy pickup. Around this time, I heard banging at the door. When I checked to see who it was, Yova was on the other side. We quickly confirmed with each other that we’d seen what we saw and we quickly decided to get the others and have them bunk in our building for the night. She drove off to get Pam and Bella.

Around this time, Pam heard the banging of a jalopy coming down the street. She went to take a look and saw a figure hop out of the driver’s side of the car. She opened her window and called out, asking him if he needed any help. He was pretty taken aback and stammered out some explanation. “Well, you know, you should get your muffler examined, because there are noise regulations around here,” Pam said. Facing the full fury of the Parent-Teacher Association, the dude took a solid minute to come up with something else to say, but before he could, there was the sound of another car coming. The guy hopped back in and peeled out, but not before Yova was able to snap a picture of his license plate. She got out, hurried up to Pam’s door and explained what we saw. Pam and Bella each packed an overnight bag to come stay with us. On the way back, they picked up Day, who was disgruntled and unhappy and even less talkative than usual.

Yova and I each gave up our beds for the evening so our guests could have them. In Yova’s case, it was because her couch was long enough for her to sleep on comfortably and Pam and Bella were small enough to share her bed. In mine, it was because I felt my bed was more structurally sound than my couch as far as supporting Day. Before we went to bed, Day said that we should try to make a visit to the DMV in the morning to try and track the license plate down.

We all hunkered down for the night and four of the five of us got some sleep. I’d like to say that I was one of them, but the chainsaw noises coming from my room couldn’t be drowned out, no matter how many pillows I pressed against my ears. The next morning, Day was bright-eyed and bushy tailed, coming out of my room and asking what was for breakfast. I pushed myself up to a sitting position and said, “You know, the first eight times or so, I thought that it was just head-on collisions between tractor-trailers on the street outside. How much freaking coke did you snort to fuck up your septum that badly?” “It wasn’t coke, it’s sleep apnea! And I had a rough day, I needed some me time!” he retorted. After a few moments of dead silence, I managed to get out, “That lotion is for my feet. Not. Nefarious. Purposes.” “And yet, it smells like lilacs,” Day said. I got off the couch, stomped over to the fridge and slapped a box of Eggos on the counter. “All right! You got peanut butter and jelly, too?” he asked. I pointed to the pantry and fridge and went off to take a shower.

Upstairs, Yova was about to go out and start her morning workout routine, only to discover that Pam was up early and had already made breakfast for her, some Russian dish involving almost-stale bread. Yova told me later that it was something her mom used to make, which stopped her dead in her tracks from going to the gym. Day went upstairs for second breakfast and Pam whipped up some eggs and bacon for him and some blueberry pancakes for Bella. I spent a solid twenty minutes cleaning up the mess in my kitchen before I met the rest of them downstairs.

We hightailed it over to the Albany County DMV. Thankfully, we got there early enough to where there wasn’t too long of a wait. A Mrs. Pepperpot type person called Day up to her window. They bantered for a minute with Day first trying to be friendly (it worked about as well as you think it did), and then leaned on her with the bad-cop routine. She rolled her eyes and finally agreed to enter the license number, at which point her eyebrow raised. She leaned on her elbows and told Day, “I really don’t have time to deal with some guy’s bullshit today. The queue isn’t going to get any shorter and my lunch break is four hours off. I’ll throw you a bone, just get out of here and let me do my job. Now, I could tell you who owns the vehicle, but it’s not going to do you much good, because this vehicle was reported stolen two weeks ago.” He asked her where it was stolen from and she told him it was from a neighborhood up in Amsterdam, about thirty minutes east.

While they were going on about this, I sat in the waiting area, completely traumatized and telling the others about the mess that was left. “He snored like a drunk grizzly,” I said. “Well, that’s not something he could control,” Pam said. “He dragged the Eggos through my peanut butter and jelly,” I said. “I mean, in terms of sins, that’s not a mortal one,” Yova said. Then I looked up at them and said, “And you don’t even want to know what I found in the wastebasket next to my bed.” That led to dead silence. “That bottle of lotion was three quarters full yesterday. Now it’s half full,” I said. “Oh. We’re going to have to get rid of your bed now,” Bella said.

Day came back over with the information he’d gotten and we traipsed out to Amsterdam, me giving the thousand-yard stare all the while. When we pulled up to the street where the car had been taken from, we realized that it wasn’t exactly an affluent neighborhood, but certainly not a bad part of town. It kind of reminded me of the working class neighborhood I grew up in. Day, unwisely, decided to take the lead on the investigation and scouted around, looking for someone to ask for info.

Eventually, he spotted a pair of hausfraus having a chat over their fences and he went up to talk to them. From the sight of their faces, it was obvious they had absolutely no idea what to say to the giant of a man standing before them, but eventually one of them greeted him. He started asking questions about the missing car, telling them he was a PI, and trying to be friendly. I don’t mean to drag the guy (too much) but friendly isn’t exactly his strong suit. They were not interested in the conversation at all, but one of them did let slip that there was another PI asking around about the same thing, a woman. “I think you should probably go talk to the police,” one of them said, and then they turned back to each other and continued their conversation. Yep. He got Karened.

Fortunately for our investigation, we had a secret weapon of our own: a fully-fledged by-God member of the Parent-Teacher Association. While Day sulked in the car, Pam walked up a few minutes later, asking the women if she could talk to them about the local school district and how her family was planning to move to the area. They were much more receptive to Pam and they started telling her each and every gossip about the area. When Pam asked about crime, they said that the neighborhood was usually pretty safe, except for the strange car robbery a couple of weeks past. Pam managed to out-Karen the Karens as she led them into conversation, learning about how nobody was that sorry to see Mr. Jeffers’s car go because it was a real piece of junk. They stage-whispered to her about how they wondered if there was a possibility of drugs and whether Mr. Jeffers might have smoked five whole marijuanas.

Once we knew whose car had been stolen, we dropped Day and Bella off to talk to Mr. Jeffers while the other three of us went to go talk to the po-po. Day started asking Mr. Jeffers questions using the same techniques that got him nowhere with the Karens and Bella mercifully interrupted, turning out the cutesy act, batting her eyes, and asking Mr. Jeffers if they could get some info from him to help find his car. He was disarmed and agreed to tell them what he knew, what wasn’t much. He wasn’t all that upset that the car was stolen – the insurance company was already processing a claim and he was going to get a better car out of the deal. He was able to tell them that there were a ton of cigarette butts all over his driveway, but aside from that, he didn’t see anything because he wasn’t home when the car was stolen.

Pam, Yova, and I went to the police station, which was pretty small, only covering a couple of neighborhoods. Yova took the lead with the receptionist, telling her she needed to make a report with a detective about a man taking pictures of her through her apartment window (not, technically, a lie). The officer came out and Yova gave him her report, but gave him a phony address from nearby. When she gave him the info for the car, he mentions that an Albany PD officer came through, asking about the same info. Yova asked for her contact info and he gave her card. The officer’s name was Brenda Break. When Yova tried to call, the voice mailbox was full, so we decided to swing by the precinct on our way back to Albany.

“So, Brenda Break,” I said when we got back in the car. “Her parents must have hated her.” “I wonder what her middle name is?” Pam asked. “Probably Beatrix. Brenda Beatrix Break,” I said. “Ooh. Or Bethany. Brenda Bethany Break,” Yova said. “Brenda Bridget Break?” Pam asked. “Brenda Barbie Break?” I asked. “Brenda Brianna Break?” Yova asked. “Brenda Belinda Break?” I asked.

You get the picture. Point is, we were still coming up with middle names for her when we picked Day and Bella up. He looked kind of – surprised? Taken aback? – when he heard what we were saying and we explained that we were trying to figure out what the middle name of the officer from Albany PD who was looking into the car was. He went pale when we said we were going to go speak with her and started stammering out some obvious lies about why he couldn’t come along. We saw right through that and asked him what was up. He let out a long sigh and came clean about it: Brenda was his old partner on the force, someone who he didn’t always get along with but who he had a mutual respect for.

It was at this point that Yova had a horrible realization and she turned to me. “Derek, didn’t you say the guy who you saw out your window was on the heavier side?” “Yeah,” I said. “Bigger dude, not like Day, but hu – ohhhhhhhhhhh,” I said, realization dawning on me as well. “What? What is it?” Day asked. Yova and I looked at each other, then at him. “Day… do you think maybe the guy who stole this car was…” “Was who?” he asked. “Your Fetch,” Yova and I said in unison. He slumped against the side of the car. “And maybe that’s why Brenda’s looking into it, because she thinks it’s you?” Yova asked. Day didn’t have much to say to that. “Listen, if you want, we can drop you off back at your apartment. You don’t have to come see her if you don’t want,” Pam said. Day took a minute to respond, then nodded, saying that he’d rather not. We dropped him at his place and agreed we’d pick him up when it was time to go to Schenectady.

As we pulled away from his apartment, I said, “Okay, I wasn’t going to say it when he was in the car, but were they seriously Day and Break?” “You see, I was thinking that, too…” Yova trailed off. “I mean, it could have been worse,” I said. “She could have been Nancy Night.” And with that, we drove off to speak to the po-po for the second time that day.

Albany PD was considerably bigger and busier than the Amsterdam PD. There was a secretary at the front desk who somehow managed to look both stressed and bored at the same time. Yova took lead as usual and asked him about Officer Break, saying that she had information about a case she was handling. He agreed to go get her and disappeared down the hall. When Brenda came down the hall, I was surprised to see she was much younger than I was expecting, and attractive. Kind of like a battle-hardened, corn-fed Emma Stone.

When she saw us, she stopped in her tracks and told the secretary that she was going to step out for a few minutes. She asked us what information we had for her and Yova gave her the cliffs notes. Brenda held the door for us and led us down the hall to an out-of-the-way room. Once she got us down the hall, she started acting positively giddy, saying, “Oh, man, this is so great. I’ve been trying to talk to some of you guys for so long, and you always run from me. But now you’re here! This is great! This is awesome!” The four of us looked at each other, clearly not understanding. But then she started dropping hints that she could see what we really are.

“Wait, so… what do you see me as?” Yova asked. “You’ve got this crazy bright hair and eyes, it looks like starlight and nebulas,” Brenda said. Yova pointed at me and said, “And does he have feathers?” “Oh, yeah. A shit-ton of feathers,” Brenda said. I bristled a little at this and said, “I don’t have that many feathers…” Brenda told us that a little more than two years ago, she’d suddenly started being able to see changelings (she obviously didn’t know what we were, but from what she was describing, it was clearly changelings).

I asked her when she was able to start seeing us, and if it was around May 2015. “A little later than that,” she said. “I had this partner – big, gruff guy. And he used to wear the most godawful aftershave. Smelled horrible. He disappeared and… this one day, I would swear I could smell that aftershave. I went out my front door, smelling it. Only it wasn’t my front yard. It was this weird brambly maze, I didn’t recognize it. But I kept going after that scent.”

She told us that eventually she made her way through the Hedge (not that she knew it was the Hedge) and found her way out at a Little League field a few minutes from her house. And ever since then, she was able to see things that she hadn’t before. This, as you might guess, left us all completely nonplussed. She wasn’t threatening or anything – she seemed completely thrilled to be talking to some of us. “You have to understand, we’re a skittish lot,” Yova told her. “If someone we don’t recognize comes running full on at us, our first instinct is to bolt.”

Brenda wanted to talk with us at length about what we were. As much as we realized we probably had to do this, none of us were comfortable to keep going with that conversation in the precinct. She told us that she had a lunch break coming up and we agreed to meet with her at a nearby restaurant.

And that’ll about do it for this week’s installment. Next time: brunch with Brenda! And other shenanigans. Until then, be safe, and may you always keep your Bath & Body Works under lock and key.

[jolteonjordansh]

Thoughts on Digimon Adventure tri.: “Our Future”

So… I really needed some time to ready myself for writing this last post. This is going to be a tough one, folks. Probably one of the tougher “Final Thoughts” posts that I’ll be writing. But I wrote one for the last five movies. It’d be a crime for me to skip out on the finale just because there’s a lot of tough things to deal with here. This is all my opinion, as all of my final thoughts posts are. So take it as that and nothing more.

I’ll also be more or less putting together my overall thoughts on Digimon Adventure tri in this post too, as well as its potential future. But that’ll be towards the end. For now, let’s get to talking about the last of the Digimon Adventure tri movies, from the beginning…

So if you’ve been around me long enough since I’ve started re-watching Digimon as a whole (and really getting a better introduction to it than I ever did in the past), you probably have a vague idea of the things I do and don’t like. One of these things I have not liked has been Kari Kamiya, the 8th DigiDestined in Digimon Adventure and also in Digimon Adventure 02. Her character always felt extremely artificial and barebones to me. She often was merely used as a plot device in the series and a Purity Sue. And somehow, she was even worse in Adventure 02. Despite having a whole series, she pretty much has no actual development as a character to me, and don’t even get me started on the Dagomon episode that decided to introduce that wretched Dark Ocean nonsense that never seems to die.

But if there was anything I felt Digimon Adventure tri did generally right, they actually made Kari a genuine character. An actual believable character with actual personality. Sure, she remained soft-spoken at times, but she had actually started to become more social and talk to her friends and keep legitimate conversation with them, she often set them straight many times throughout the series, such as with Tai and especially Joe, and she stood up to fucking Homeostasis. Yeah, that Digital World god-like entity that has possessed her several times now? She finally had something to say in protest. If that’s not one of the greatest moments we’ve had from her ever, I don’t know what is. And by the end of “Coexistence”, we got to see her crack. She was silent, but traumatized and filled with despair. Basically, she got to express actual human emotions besides her usual generic nonsense. I addressed all of this in my final thoughts on “Coexistence” (which I’m just putting down here for the sake of review), and I’m still bitter that said movie really didn’t give her an actual focus and it all turned into the Meiko show again, but I’ll get to some of that later.

We do get some make-up for that. While it’s still not as much as I wanted, Kari deals with a lot of despair throughout this movie with Tai’s “death” and feeling at fault for it. And Dark Gennai rubs it in her face later on, really hammering it in for her. To see this character I just could not care for actually be given a human personality was just incredibly rewarding to me. I know some people have complained that a lot of it is just her going “Oni-chaaaaaaan~!”, but you have to keep in mind that her brother is basically her world. We’ve seen very little of her social life (the only things I can recall are the birthday party in Our War Game and some moments in Adventure 02), but it’s always been clear that Tai has been a very important part of her life. It’s not even just the fact that she potentially lost her brother that’s upsetting her either. It’s the fact that she truly believes that it’s her fault. And that’s probably the hardest part about it to her, as Dark Gennai rubs in. So even if Kari didn’t really get as much as I wanted, she got enough of that development for it to be satisfying. And I really began to feel that her relationship with Gatomon was more than just the whole destiny schmuck they forced down our throats in the Myotismon arc of Digimon Adventure.

After Kari breaking from the start though, it almost feels like there’s some serious nonsense filler throughout the movie despite that a lot needs to be addressed in this final movie. Ordinemon is shown to be stupidly OP by taking out six Mega level Digimon in one hit and reduce them back to In-Training forms, there’s more Meiko crying, a lot of exchanges of “We should do something!” and “Should we do something?” and the military trying to fight Ordinemon. Because, you know, it’s worked so well in every other past Digimon series. It’s a shame the Adventure universe doesn’t have their own Hypnos to even stand a chance.

There is, however, a really good scene with Matt and Gabumon. Matt is clearly dealing with the loss of his boyfriend best friend Tai and how to be a leader for the rest of the DigiDestined, and Gabumon comes in to give an extremely supportive talk with him, as well as a wonderful bond moment with him. This kind of harkens back to Matt’s darker moments towards the end of the Dark Masters arc and even sort of rhymes with the scene of Patamon and T.K. in “Confession”. I found it extremely effective and honestly a necessary moment for Matt. I feel like if there had been more moments like this, T.K. and Patamon’s coping scene, Joe and Gomamon’s argument, and Tai and Agumon’s own coping scene for all of the DigiDestined throughout these movies, there would have been a stronger impact from them overall. But I guess they all can’t be as strong as one another.

Now, I’ve said both Matt and Kari are both dealing with the loss of Tai in this movie, as well as a bunch of the other DigiDestined (Sora has a moment, and it leads to a hilarious scene of Piyomon thinking Matt made her cry and basically I just love protective Piyomon in general what a good birb), but… You all know it. I know it. Everyone knows it. And we all knew it before this movie was even announced and the moment Tai “died”. Tai never died, and he was never going to die. One of the biggest problems was how much they played up Tai’s death (or return if you’re Agumon), when you know damn well he’s fine between things like trailers and even elements as simple as the movie poster. This wouldn’t be as much of a problem if this whole thing didn’t last for nearly the entire movie. It takes well over 30+ minutes for us to see that Tai is alive and well, and the Adventure crew doesn’t even see that Tai is, in fact, alive until the last 20 or so minutes of the movie. It makes the whole thing so dragged out and forcing unnecessary tension. It’s wasting time because we already know what the outcome is going to be like, and all of that wasted time could be used for making tri a better story, which spoiler alert: it isn’t.

When we do get finally see Tai though, we get two things: 1. Nishijima’s inevitable death, because he was one of the good characters in tri imo and of course they have to kill him off to explain why he wasn’t in the Adventure 02 epilogue (for some reason I guess), and speaking of Adventure 02… 2. The fate of the 02 kids. Even to people who hated Digimon Adventure 02, almost completely ignoring their existence throughout the series was absolutely maddening for just about everyone watching this series. And what’s their excuse for their absence? It’s about as disappointing as you would expect. The scene from the beginning of tri where it looks like they’re being killed? That was Alphamon defeating them as the 02 kids apparently found out what Yggdrasil was up to, so they were “silenced” and then put into some pods in a sort of cryogenic sleep to keep them from getting in the way.

The whole execution of this is just… so lazy, put-together and insulting on so many levels. Even when we find these damn kids, we don’t get to see them do anything, let alone actually get to see them! They’re silhouetted still for whatever reason, are sent to the hospital immediately after being brought back to the real world, and for some reason aren’t even around in the flash-forward towards the end of the movie with the rest of the DigiDestined three months later. Maybe whatever they went through warranted them being in the hospital for three months, but I really find that to be a flimsy excuse at best. We don’t even know where their Digimon are or what happened to them! They’re probably fine, but it’s called explaining Toei! It’d be nice if your writers could try it in this series rather than just constantly piling up more mysteries than this plot ever needed! And just so I can say my piece for all of the needless speculation going on in the fandom: No, that 5th silhouette is not Ryo. It’s clearly the actual Gennai since he has the ponytail. But then again, I can’t entirely blame the fandom because the writers of tri literally explain next to nothing and it leads to all of this freaking speculation when they could just easily answer it! God, and I thought we were done with The Problem with Ryo…

I get the whole 02 kids debacle has been talked about and discussed to death, and what I’m going to say really isn’t going to add to anything that someone else has probably already said, but I just don’t understand why we couldn’t have the 02 kids involved. I mean, I have a good idea of why, and I’ll get to that at the end, but was it really so hard to have an Adventure series where both the original Adventure and Adventure 02 kids got to go on, dare I say, an adventure together? Not with the original cast in the background like in Adventure 02, not like in tri where the 02 cast was pretty much nonexistent, I mean actually having them work together like a freaking team for a change? Or how about using any Adventure 02 elements in general? Even T.K. and Kari utilizing their Armor Digivolutions like Pegasusmon and Nerfertimon would have been neat! What the hell was stopping them? It’s not like the Armor Digivolutions are completely useless. As someone who enjoyed Adventure a lot and can accept Adventure 02 as a passable follow-up, I just don’t understand why we can’t have the whole Adventure universe. It either has to be the original Adventure, or Adventure 02. It can’t be both. It’s just really disappointing that both have to feel so segmented when tri would have been the perfect chance to make those series feel cohesive for once. But I guess Revenge of Diablomon was our only chance at anything like that.

Alright, so the 02 kids were handled poorly, blah blah blah, this has been talked about to death by everyone watching tri ever… How about along with the fact that Nishijima was killed off, Himekawa was nowhere to be seen in this movie? Her fate is left open after what happened in “Coexistence”. It’s possible she is still alive and it was left open on purpose, but at this point I’m going to personally maintain the belief that she died in the Dark Ocean because none of these writers can leave that stupid plot element alone for five seconds. But color me disappointed when we didn’t get to see anymore of insane Himekawa. What a tease. And you know who else doesn’t appear in tri? Alphamon, who seems to have just fucked right off after “Coexistence”. At this point, his only purpose in tri was just a plot obstacle for the main cast, which is just a really lame way to utilize him. He didn’t even get to talk for crying out loud!

Yggdrasil gets no real physical form in the Adventure universe, which honestly just left me empty. I get that Yggdrasil is a digital being, but it’s really hard to fear Yggdrasil as an antagonist when he basically ends up being all talk and no real action in this series. Dark Gennai, Alphamon and by extension Meicoomon did everything for him. Why should we be scared of a guy who we see no real action from? At least in Digimon X-Evolution and Digimon Savers, we get to see how much he has a true grasp of control over the Royal Knights and eventually that amazing climactic battle in Savers. In tri? Everyone just talks about him and what he wants to do. We see no action from him. Sure, Homeostasis is never seen either, but it has always been established as a sort of mysterious being with a lack of physical form—more like a force that keeps the stability of the Digital World. Yggdrasil is just an antagonistic force that we know pretty much next to nothing about. It’s all just extremely disappointing how much is built up and how little payoff we get in return for it all. If Yggdrasil is meant to be a sort of exact opposite force to Homeostasis, then establish that! But they don’t do that either. Really, it feels like both Yggdrasil and Homeostasis are similar beings and it’s almost hard to distinguish them in this series when it really shouldn’t be.

On the note of Homeostasis, Ordinemon’s destruction starts to get so terrible that Homeostasis wants to do another reboot. But now it requires a reboot of the actual real world. At first, I thought there would be an actual more complex way of describing this; hell, maybe it was even timeline/worldline jumping to a more stable version of the universe. Nope, they literally want to reboot the real world in more or less the same way (and try to explain it with science, but we all know when Digimon tries to use actual science, it comes across as incredibly stupid). This would basically mean all manmade technology would be rebooted from the start and cause a huge catastrophe for mankind with them being so reliant on technology. This basically comes down to Hackmon responding with “Tough shit,” and Izzy naturally being upset and wanting to find a more proper solution.

Okay, to be fair, Hackmon is actually a little more complex about this than I describe. While he is carrying the will of Homeostasis as a sort of agent, he has his own agenda in mind, actually believing the bond between humans and Digimon to be extremely important and the key to survival for both worlds, more or less. He describes this in a conversation with Meiko, and honestly… it actually makes him one of the more interesting characters, especially for a lone Digimon with no human partner on hand. But much like Alphamon, after he actually convinces Homeostasis to stop the second reboot and lays a devastating blow on Ordinemon as Jesmon, he also fucks right off immediately afterward. But hey, at least he actually did something.

There are also two “returning” characters I’d like to bring up since they’re serious elephants in the room for a lot of people. Let’s get our favorite dead buddy out of the way—No, not Leomon. I’m talking about our good friend Wizardmon who appears in this movie for a maximum ten seconds tops. Now, to be fair, literally the only thing we had to go off of was his hat being sneakily hidden in the last movie poster in a corner. However, my counterargument: You cannot bring back such a cult favorite character only to not only be so brief but also be so utterly pointless. Kari needed Wizardmon to bring her attention to Gatomon? Why not have her hear Gatomon’s voice calling out to her to bring in that attention? It’s not a reach for a character like Kari at all, who seems to have serious intuition and is sensitive to supernatural events in general. This is the kind of bringing back of a character that falls into the lowest levels of pandering. Even if it hadn’t been teased on the poster and fans had not hyped this up, I still think this as a “surprise” would have been just as disappointing.  Having Wizardmon show up for something so brief and so little to do with him means nothing in the end, and comes out as a cute nod at absolute best, but also an outright disappointing inclusion at worst. Remember Wizardmon’s appearance in Digimon Adventure 02? It actually meant something because he guided the characters towards a destination in the plot. Here? He just appears and fulfills a purpose that could have easily been done in any other way. And when Adventure 02 has shown technical better writing skills considering the mess it can be, you have really, really screwed up.

Now the other “returning” character? Devimon. But of course, it’s not the same Devimon we know from the original Digimon Adventure, which is exactly what I expected. It was an easy but also cheap attempt at bringing in viewers and nostalgia pandering through trailers. It’s an easy way to garner up hype culture, which many people know I tend to dislike as it is. But honestly? This Devimon being a different Devimon isn’t really my problem. What is my problem is how it affected everyone else involved. T.K. has the briefest among briefest reactions to Devimon—the same kid who was absolutely traumatized over losing Patamon to him during Adventure 02. I get that T.K. has already had his character arc in tri and he has probably grown more or less out of his fear of Devimon especially, but I would have expected a bigger reaction than what we got. And on top of this, Devimon—a Champion level Digimon—beats MagnaAngemon—an Ultimate level Digimon—down to an absolute pulp. I have mentioned how I like that Digimon levels do not always necessarily matter in battles with the right amount of training, but this was just inexcusable and insulting. Look back at Adventure, where Angemon was able to beat a Devimon fairly early into the series (even if it was at the expense of dying), and Angemon could even stand up to Ultimate level Digimon himself at times, while MagnaAngemon was able to finish of Piedmon. Adventure 02 was very inconsistent about how powerful Patamon was in general, but whatever. Here? This was honestly absolutely pathetic to watch. I would have been fine with an actual decent one-on-one battle where both actually put up a good fight, and maybe MagnaAngemon does end up losing, but MagnaAngemon gets kicked around like nothing more than a freaking soccer ball. I feel like, if anything, that should have definitely gotten a huge reaction out of T.K., but it was nothing out of the usual. The whole moment was just so poorly executed and felt like cheap and horribly done fanservice, much like Wizardmon.

Speaking of characters being overly hyped due to trailers, a lot of fans were ridiculously excited over Magnadramon as Gatomon’s official Mega (the 02 movie is still not canon). And while I’m personally a fan of Ophanimon because I think it just fits the line better, I personally didn’t mind Magndramon being there. However, the moment they revealed Omegamon form #34—Omegamon Merciful Mode—I immediately knew that Magndramon would easily get overshadowed and have her thunder stolen away by Omegamon. And surprise! That’s exactly what happens. Magndramon gets her Digivolution animation and a total attack scene count of one before Omegamon uses the powers of the other Megas (And Meiko I guess) to achieve Merciful Mode.

And really… I’m not too keen on it. Don’t get me wrong, Omegamon is a cool Digimon, but not only do I just think there are cooler Mega level and even Ultra level Digimon out there, Omegamon is just kind of overrated to me in the same vein Mewtwo can be in Pokémon. Not to mention, it just feels like Adventure’s version of Gallantmon Crimson Mode, which just makes Omegamon needlessly more powerful and once again, continues to ignore Adventure 02 where they had Imperialdramon Paladin Mode. It also just shows how unbalanced the fights were in this movie when Ordinemon was so overpowered that Omegamon needed a new mode to actually defeat it.

But I guess before I get to some of my biggest gripes with the movie itself and what it did rather than some of what it didn’t do, I should cover the technical aspects. I don’t have much to say on the music—it was all fine and good. A lot of it was reused from earlier movies, but there was that really awesome guitar cover of Butterfly when Gatomon Digivolved and finally achieved her Mega form. And of course, there is the Butterfly cover done by all of the DigiDestined and their Digimon as the final ending theme. And I think I did like it, but at the same time it didn’t really break me to tears like I was hoping it would in a similar way the use of Butterfly did at the very end of the original Digimon Adventure. I think a lot of that has to do with me being sort of bitter towards tri and how it ended overall, but I don’t want to get into the rest of those details until the end.

When I watched “Coexistence”, I expected all of the series’ best animation to be saved for “Our Future”, but ironically… it almost seemed like the opposite. Now, “Our Future” did not have the worst animation of the movies—there were actually some really good moments, such as pretty much every moment with Magnadramon and a few of the fights and some of the shots with the Digimon. But at the same time, “Our Future” really began to show just how flawed some of the animation in Digimon Adventure tri is. I certainly don’t think it’s the lowest tier of animation in all of anime, as there are definitely so many worse examples out there. But there are moments where the cheap budget of it can stick out. Still shots, choppy animation, off-model characters, or just weird scaling were all present throughout the movie. There was also the reuse of animation, specifically for Digivolution scenes, but those don’t really bother me. I mean, if every other Digimon series does it, what’s wrong with tri doing it? I only wish MetalGarurumon got his Digivolution shot in fullscreen—he sadly never did. Though I can agree by a certain point, having Warp Digivolution scenes for the Digimon would have certainly sped things up and given time for other moments, though at least they learned to box the animations together. Otherwise, I feel tri’s animation is average enough, but I do wish it had really excelled in this last movie rather than just being more average. Oh yeah, did I mention that “Our Future” is filled with ass shots of Ordinemon throughout the whole movie? And I mean filled with ass shots of Ordinemon (What, were you guys expecting me to actually deliberately search and hotlink examples? Hell no).

Now, getting to the worst parts of the movie unfortunately involves me talking about my favorite characters in this whole series. Who’s ready for me to talk even more about Meiko and Meicoomon? No one? Too bad! This whole damn series revolves around them! I specifically avoided talking about them because I know plenty of people complain about Meiko and Meicoomon (moreso Meiko), and a fraction of people do like them, so if you want to get out of me talking about everything wrong with them in this movie and how much they hurt this series as a whole, you best step out now. Otherwise, I have a lot to say, so buckle up.

So remember how the Digimon lost their memories after the reboot in “Confession”? Some of you might have forgotten, because by “Coexistence”, it almost feels like the reboot had no other effect on them. They don’t really focus on how much the memory loss affects their relationships, or at least how much it hurts. They kind of just blankly mention “Oh, you don’t remember this,” but that’s about it. But regardless, when the memories were lost, I was worried about multiple things: A. The Digimon never getting their memories back or B. The Digimon getting their memories back, but in a really convenient way. When moments like this happen in storytelling, I’m the kind of cheap person who wants my happy ending. But at the same time, I want that happy ending to be warranted. I don’t want it to be cheaply earned—it has to be worked for. So, what did I say in my final thoughts of “Confession”, in quotes?”

Whether the Digimon actually retrieve their memories or not, I think that either way, the writers are going to have to handle things very carefully from here on out. They can’t just pretend that everything is the same once the DigiDestined form new bonds with their Digimon, and they can’t just give the Digimon their memories back without some good explanation.

Meiko only continues to feel further shoved into this entire world, and Meicoomon somehow retaining memories unlike the other Digimon partners definitely gives the “special snowflake” feel, unless they have a damn good explanation for it. 

Well, Past JJ, I have great news for you! Not only is Meicoomon still an absolute special snowflake, there is no actual good explanation for the Digimon retrieving their memories or how Meicoomon kept hers! It’s about as forced, contrived and convenient as you can imagine! In fact, maybe even worse than you ever imagined! You wanna know why? Because it all relies upon those gosh darn wonderful special snowflakes of Meiko and Meicoomon!

Turns out, the memories were never erased at all! In the reboot, the memories of literally every Digimon were somehow stored within Meicoomon (except Hackmon and Alphamon I guess, because fuck, let’s make them special snowflakes too) and are locked inside Meiko’s Digivice! And if they can figure out a password Meicoomon would have for these memories, they can restore every Digimon’s memories! And of course, what else would that password be but “DanDan”/“Ta much” which was that first thing Meicoomon said in the first movie? Meanwhile, Izzy is a kid genius who can crack codes, develop his own servers and technology such as ways to actually preserve the Digimon’s memories himself, but could not brute-force a ten character password? But who cares about logic? Once that password is in, everyone’s memories are back! Man, I sure feel like that loss in “Confession” was worth all of this strife only for the memories having been right in front of their faces to easily just put back all along! Everything about this was so rightfully earned back! /s

Yeah, let’s put that overly optimistic sarcasm aside for five minutes. Because I hate, and I mean absolutely hate that such an important loss from the third movie—one that was made absolutely touching, heartbreaking and built up to such a degree could be easily put back into place with just a simple phrase, like all they needed to say was freaking Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo. I get that Digimon has always had its own fair share of plot contrivances, but after going through three movies of this and executing this tragedy in such a way that takes the viewer on such an emotional ride, I just feel cheated. Like what I felt basically was for nothing and I cried and worried over nothing. You know how when you have seemingly devastating situations in real life, like you lose an important item or document that could mean a life-changing moment for you, like earning a job? So you panic and cry over losing it and potentially ruining your own life, but then it turns out, whatever you lost was in the backseat of your car the whole time, so your crying was for nothing and you feel like a big idiot for panicking over something that had a very simple solution? That’s more or less what this whole situation feels like, except there is really nothing to laugh off because I feel like I was cheated out of a good story just for a throwaway character to have her spotlight.

“But Meicoomon’s not a throwaway character if they spent all six movies focusing on her and Meiko!” maybe you might think. Except she absolutely is a throwaway character by the end of the movie. You know how Meicoomon was basically the cause of all of this grief for all of her going berserk? And how everyone knew that they could kill her to stop all of this, and back in “Coexistence” Meiko even begged for the DigiDestined to do it, but they couldn’t because “she’s our fwiend!!!!”. Guess what they do by the end of the movie? They kill off Meicoomon with Omegamon Merciful Mode, literally the whole reason they made up that new form.

Now, part of me is trying to do my absolute best to understand what the writers were trying to express with this. The whole message seems to be that “sometimes you have to make hard decisions”, and honestly? That’s not a bad message. But I have two major problems with this being in Digimon Adventure tri, as there are a number of moments this whole message is contradicted. When the kids lost their Digimon’s original memories to the reboot, they thought they had to make the hard decision of moving on with their lives and letting go of an important part of their childhood. But in the end, they didn’t, because they realized they could still hold onto that childhood if they wanted to, but they had to hold onto it. They couldn’t give up on it.

My second problem is that this whole conflict of “not killing our fwiends!!!!!” with the DigiDestined just feels wasted and pointless if they were going to end up killing her anyway. Yes, people do have to make decisions like that, but to have to develop that for five full-length movies for over two years? The execution is just awful. And this is so much worse when, again, the DigiDestined have only known Meiko and Meicoomon for only a few months at best, giving them all of the care and catering in the world, meanwhile they couldn’t care less about the 02 cast whom they experienced whole adventures with and have known for three years at this point. Once again, the logic and execution here flies straight out the window. This all hurts this decision even more when the scene does come up, it feels extremely out of character. Sure, Tai has his new resolve, yet Kari immediately goes into the spiel of “You can’t kill Meicoomon or I’ll never forgive you!” but then ultimately decides she’s going to help in killing Meicoomon. I get the logic behind it, that she’s essentially bearing the sin of doing this with the rest of the DigiDestined, but going from “not killing our fwiends!!!!” for five movies to ultimately making this dark decision makes it feel out of character for not even Kari, but just about everyone. No one else really disagrees with it in the end. They just accept it so easily despite having fought over it for the course of several movies. It feels like all the struggle the DigiDestined went through of not killing friends, especially when the infection was rampant in “Confession”, was wasted.

So Meicoomon is killed off, they make a farewell scene for her and Meiko, yada yada, and I find myself trying so hard to care about this in the moment. I was genuinely trying to feel bad for Meiko, despite how much I have come to hate her character as well as Meicoomon’s. But by the time it came to all of this, I was just outright empty. I couldn’t feel anything for them. I simply didn’t care. If there was anything I thought? It was simply “Good. Fucking. Riddance.” And while I realize me hating Meiko is simply my opinion, watching “Our Future” made me seriously realize something about Meiko. Not just that she’s a poorly written character, I easily came to that conclusion by the time I watched “Confession”, but she’s honestly a terrible person. No, not just a terrible character. I mean, a really, really terrible person when you consider so much of her behavior.

There’s the saying that a bad person can make a great character, but the problem here is that the writers are trying to convince you that Meiko is a good person. Yet she is anything but a good person based on all of her behavior. She has her social awkwardness, sure, but that’s just her Mary Sue flaw (which is only so much of a flaw with these kinds of characters). She is honestly an extremely selfish, pitiful person with hardly any ability to feel empathy for anyone but herself. She has a legitimately messed up mentality. Don’t believe me? Let’s go over some of her actions.

So after Meicoomon Digivolves into Meicrackmon Vicious Mode, she’s obviously in despair. Fair enough. I think anyone with a Digimon partner would feel that way, even to the unhealthy degree that Meiko does. But let’s flash-forward to the point where T.K. confesses that Patamon is infected. He trusted her with that information because she would understand it better than anyone. She should be supportive to him for such a tough situation, right? She is… for a couple of seconds. Immediately after, she quickly starts to throw her own pity party how about it’s her fault that it happened, which naturally makes T.K., being the nice guy he is, start tending to her instead of himself when he is in a damn tough position. She forces him out of his own grief to tend to the sudden mood swing of her own, and leaves him to feel sorry about it when she runs off. In the same film, when T.K. tries to convince her to go to the Digital World to meet Meicoomon, she has a hissy fit about not wanting to see Meicoomon and actually being glad the reboot happened so she doesn’t have to worry about Meicoomon and the Digimon anymore. I mean, fuck how the rest of the DigiDestined not just among the original eight, but the rest of the world feel, right? I addressed this in my final thoughts on “Confession” and I think to be fair they kind of point out her behavior is wrong by dragging her to the Digital World in “Loss” with an unexplained distortion, but this still is a display of her extremely unhealthy character.

This doesn’t even stop there. While “Loss” might have been the best display of her character where she actually tries to do things on her own and even stands up to a stupidly bratty Meicoomon, she’s coddled by the other DigiDestined and she immediately regresses back in “Coexistence”. The whole movie ends up being her own pity party over Meicoomon (again, fuck how everyone else is feeling), and in “Our Future”, she has yet another instance of directing grief away from someone else and towards herself. When Kari starts blaming herself for Tai’s death, it doesn’t take long at all for Meiko to immediately start pushing the blame on herself and for the other DigiDestined to feel pity for her over it. Also, compare their reactions to both of them. Kari, who has every right to feel as upset as she is about losing her brother, the most important individual in her life is taking on the blame of the situation, and everyone quietly feels sorry for her, as if knowing coddling will not help the situation. Cut to Meiko doing the exact same thing, except having honestly much less reason to be feeling the kind of position Kari is in, and everyone coddles Meiko and tries to reassure her that it isn’t her fault. When you break it down, Meiko is an extremely unhealthy individual who is always desperate for attention when she feels bad over something. Sure, you might argue that she sometimes locks herself away so not to get this attention and the writers probably didn’t do this intentionally, but there are some legitimately bad implications going on here. It’s like the writers didn’t even read their second or even first drafts.

On top of all of this, Meiko never truly develops as a character. If anything, Meicoomon’s death is the only thing that actually changes her because she finally stops crying over her every five seconds. But she never gets to advocate for herself because the other DigiDestined are constantly diving in to save her (again, “Loss” was pretty much the highest point she ever had and it wasn’t even anything incredible), she never gets over Meicoomon or stops thinking about her until finally making peace at the end of this movie, and her general behavior never really changes otherwise. No one even calls her out on her behavior because she’s perfect and can do no wrong in everyone else’s eyes. Honestly, when you really think about it, everyone should be mad at Meiko in some form. Maybe not hate her, but not once does anyone deal with any frustration with her. It’s almost like because Kari was made an actual character in tri, in exchange they had to make an awful clone of her. There is truly nothing to compare Meiko to other than a horribly written Mary Sue self-insert fanfiction, all perfectly topped with the writers trying to pull off ship teases with her and Tai. Awwww, I think I’m gonna be sick.

And… I don’t know what else to say about “Our Future”. Honestly, as many complaints as I have about this movie, it has its good moments. It’s not even the worst of the Digimon Adventure tri movies. It just that it has its good moments, but also so many bad moments that it honestly makes it hard to enjoy. And really, I think that sums up tri for me in general. I don’t think it’s the worst thing ever. I don’t even think it’s the worst Digimon series ever. I would still consider others I’ve watched like Digimon Frontier were written worse overall. I want to enjoy Digimon Adventure tri, but the team working on it makes it extremely difficult to enjoy tri. It certainly has its good moments. And when it has its good moments, they’re really good moments, but the opposite is also true. When its bad moments are bad, they are really bad. They can be downright awful even, and it’s really a shame that the second half of tri really dropped off after it hit such a high with “Confession”. Do I regret watching it? No, not really. But… it was definitely hard to sit through at times. I can say I will definitely look back at it for the good it brought to the table, but the bad will certainly stink like rotten food in the fridge for a long time to come.

Now, comes the inevitable question and topic… the sequel hook of Digimon Adventure tri. By the end, Dark Gennai disappears into the Digital World and babbles on about bringing in Daemon or maybe Diablomon, and we hear the Digivice beep at the end of the film, much like the end of the original Digimon Adventure. And on top of this, the tri Twitter account posted an announcement of a new project, as well as the English Toei Animation Twitter. The wording of it implies something related to the Digimon Adventure universe.

From my perspective, based on all of the open ended plot points like Dark Gennai still running around, Alphamon, Himekawa’s missing status, the Four Sovereigns being ignored after the reboot since they’re a pretty important part of the Digital World, the whole “Digimon who died in the real world are brought back to life after the reboot” nonsense that was just dropped in out of nowhere (Was that a mistranslation? Because at this point its lack of mention or being addressed makes me wonder if that was ever a plot point that existed and if I just accidentally made it up), and the 02 kids just being ignored in general… makes me believe we’ll be getting a sequel focused more on the elements of Adventure 02. And with all that’s happened… I’m really torn on it.

On one hand, I really want these plot points to actually be resolved. I want the 02 kids to get a true chance to actually develop as characters. I want to see their Digimon again. And honestly? I would love for each 02 kid to have a full Digivolution line for their own Digimon, all the way to Mega form. But at the same time… Digimon Adventure tri has really tired me out. If we were to get a sequel, I want the writers to actually be competent. I want them to write an actual series that can stand on its own without relying on future sequels.  Hell, maybe even a new team of competent writers if necessary, because at times it really feels like the writers for tri just didn’t have a proper grasp of Digimon Adventure and its canon. And part of me wants Digimon to just move to a Digimon Tamers sequel after the recent drama CD and Chiaki Konaka’s interest in writing a sequel series. And knowing the depth of Tamers, I know it could be pulled off extremely well with the right treatment. So I’m truly, legitimately torn. I guess for now, I’ll just wait and see where Digimon moves from here, and enjoy what we have of the franchise. After all, I really need to get to the Digimon video games.

So ultimately, if I had to grade the Digimon Adventure tri movies in order:

Confession > Determination > Reunion > Loss > Our Future > Coexistence

And with that, this finally closes the doors on Digimon Adventure tri… I mean, I wish I could say that with true satisfaction, but its open-ended nature and reliance on a sequel really leaves a bitter taste in my mouth… Maybe, we can at least get a better sequel in the end. If you guys want to bring up something I didn’t mention or have a discussion, feel free to send an ask I guess? Because I wouldn’t be surprised if I missed something about tri, good or bad. And hey, at least Digimon Adventure tri gave me this adorable shot of the Digimon as a parting gift.

[yoshimickster]

RWBY Volume 5 Ep 1 Recap(plus shorts)-HERE WE GO(spoilers)!

Shorts will be recapped in a few sentences cos...well they short.

Weiss flashes back to her sister Winter foreshadowing that the’s next to die while sitting on a train. SORRY WINTER QROW SHIPPERS-her time is nigh.

Blake flashes back to her friend explaining why she fights for civil rights when she passes for whit-I MEAN-human! Yup, human, ALL while failing at an attempt to stop Adam “I love teenagers” Taurus’ plans.

And Yang flashes back to the time her and her sister were almost killed by a bear because Ruby couldn’t do dick without a weapon at the time-RIGHT BEFORE-ironically saying she’ll always be by her side...ALL while riding a motorcycle aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelf!

Basically three sad flashbacks-THERE YA GO!

The episode starts out SWINGING with team RNJR criticizing the show’s logic of having them walk all the way to Mistral, and joking about how Qrow almost died. HAHA death.

1:04 We are then treated to what only looks like rejected character and background designs to Legend of Korra and/or Avatar the last Airbender! Don’t get me wrong, nice drawings, but don’t they have the budget to freaking animate crowds anymore?

1:33 Qrow gives brief Mistral backstory right before-SURPRISE AIRPLANE MOTHER FUCKERS! You are shocked, do not lie.

1:44 Weiss has WITTY banter with the airship pilot of cargo ship three-THE FIGHTIN’ TRES-where Weiss hears a cry for peril which the pilot ignores...kinda...kinda dark.

3:07 We are then treated to the city, where...no-one is anywhere...throughout the whole town...you know you can only use Grimm attacks to not animate crowds in large spaces for SO long Rooster Teeth.

3:56

Nora: Maybe try...LOUDER?!

Damn Nora, when you get sassy?

Thankfully Qrow points out how it makes no sense that there are no CGI models running around-AND SPRING INTO ACTION!  

4:31 They close in on a door and find-SOME OLD MAN THEY MAKE FAINT...FAKE OUT! Next thing you’ll tell me is that his name is Spencer Pokensensen and that he’s a servant of the courts.

4:50 As for what HORRIFYING event caused him to not greet them at the gate it turns out...HE FORGOT...are all headmasters incompetent? Ozpin didn’t see team MEAN until they struck, and this guy is forgetting meetings, what the hell?

5:05 Team RNJR introduces themselves all saying there names as if fans forgot-OR-for those weirdos who start a show in its fifth season. Yeah I know you exist-AND YOU’RE SCUM!

5:12 The new Headmaster’s name is....Leonardo Lionheart...I don’t have a joke for that, that just sounds AWESOME!

5:36 Qrow reveals he told the team about the ancient mystical glow orbs of destiny, and Nora does her perfect impression of every fandom ever:

“...SO-is this not going how anyone thought it would?”

But enough about that-

5:53

Ghira: UNBELIEVABLE!

Sun: TOTAL GARBAGE!

...my god...THEY AGREE ON SOMETHING! FUTURE FATHER-IN LAW AND SON IN LAW BONDING! Er...POTENTIAL future father in law, heh heh(Bumblebee fans don’t hate me please).

5:59

Kali: Well at least you two can finally agree on something.

This is why I love you Kali, you are absolute purity in this magical Harry Potter meets X-men meets M.A.S.K. world.

6:10

Blake: Guys, everything’s gonna be okay.

...Blake...being positive...I am scared.

6:20 Blake is revealed to have an unnamed body-gaurd whom the fandom will attach a personality to WHILE ILIA DROPS IN...okay they HAVE technology in this world, she should’ve tripped off some damn motion sensors-SPEND SOME MONEY GHIRA!

Ilia then reveals that she took the fall for those creepy fox...brothers? Or are they married? I’m cool with either, I just want some background on who were originally supposed to be the main villains of volume 1(seriously, look it up).

8:00 SILENT PRINCIPAL’S ROOM-get ready for dramatic exposition babies!

Leo reveals the reason for a lack of teachers and students is OF COURSE-because of the Grimm...ironically from the Vale attack, DAMN this show is good at long lasting consequences.

9:13 OH WOW-Atlas is being a problem? Know what else, WATER IS WET!

9:42 OBLIGATORY RENORA SITTING TOGETHER MOMENT-there ya go you ship-hounds!

We are THEN told that each Maiden can open a specific door with their own abilities...I keep making Avatar parables, but that sounds RATHER Avatar, you know like in Volume 1 with the fire temple?

“She was determined at first, but the weight of responsibility proved too much for the child”.

AND THEN THERE’S THAT-that is AANG mother fucker!

11:30 Typical Avatar, runs away from home, gets picked up by bird bandits-WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!

12:17

Qrow: WE NEED TO GET THE SPRING MAIDEN NOW!

Leo: DAMMIT QROW, you don’t have a search warrant!

Qrow: SCREW YOUR WARRANT-lives are at stake!

Leo: YOU’RE A LOOSE CANNON BRANWEN! YOU’RE OFF THE CASE!

14:06 OOOH-poor Johnny boy, he REALLY wants him some revenge on Cinder.

15:06 But thankfully they make a logical compromise and-HOLY SHIT-he was lying because of Watts! I thought he was tricking him or some shit, this is WAY more interesting!

15:30 HEY-its that end scene from volume four! HOORAY FOR CYCLICITY! 

16:31 WELCOME TO JUST RITE-for all your Seven Elleven gas station allegorical needs!

...wait that place has a BAR?! Its a gas station...where people go to feul their vehicles...and serves alcohol...thaaaaaaaaaaaaaat is a messy combination.

17:30 Yang gets hit on by a drunk guy, then hits him SO HARD he bounces like four time! What is his semblance having a body made of rubber?

18:01 AH-Yang does the Archer drink finger-AWESOME!

18:18 WELP-we got our answer, she went after Raven-COMMENCE ALT-U FAN STORIES NOW!

18:56 Hey girly, I heard your looking for someone!

Damn, literally the ONLY TIME in history when getting hit on by a drunk creepy guy pays off!

19:00 OH DAMN-spooky music, WHO COULD IT B-oh its just Oz...didn’t we know that all ready in the trailer? And did we need a second pointless fake-out? A TAD superfluous.

I would also like to point out this is the ONLY time a man getting drunk and taking an underage boy home with him is okay, the ONLY time!

We then close out the ep with Oscar introducing his Bishie ass to the group as Oscar Pine(mother-fucker’s name was a play on the Prof’s name, twas DESTINY), reveals he’s mother-fucking OZPIN, all while the drunken old man on the couch REJOICES! HOORAY FOR ACCIDENTAL SUCCESS!

We’re also treated to the NEW theme song, lots of action, lots of fighgint, bitter sweet messages yadda yadda, you know how it goes. 

WELCOME TO VOLUME FIVE BABIES-this has been MicksteRecap with Yoshimickster, hope we can be pals this season!

[bibliosexxual]

Do you take prompt? What about Stiles having a secret crush on Derek but when saw him, taking care Scott's son, he fell in love.

I’m not much of a kid fic person, so this took me a while, but I tried. Hopefully it’s kind of what you were angling for!

*

“Do you think I’m ready for fatherhood?” Stiles asks, trying to keep the panic out of his voice. He’s not freaking out about this. He’s not.

Boyd says flatly, “Stilinski, you’re twenty-one years old. You’re supposed to know how to use a condom by now.“

Stiles’ hand spasms and he accidentally squirts a huge glob of ketchup on his mound of curly fries. Fuck. He has the ideal ketchup-to-curly-fry ratio down to a science, and this is not it. “No, absolutely not what I meant. It’s just. Did you know Derek had a kid?”

Boyd meditatively takes a bite of his burger. “No. But the nice thing about Derek is that he doesn’t go in for personal talk.”

Stiles shoots him a weird look. Of course Boyd would think that was nice. Stiles, though, has been trying to break down Derek’s walls even just a little bit for months now—sitting with him in class, sharing his notes, studying with him in the library and getting late-night waffles together afterwards, little by little pulling Derek out of his shell. He’d thought he was getting somewhere, but obviously not, not if Derek failed to mention this kid even existed.

Which he does. Stiles knows, because he can see him right now, over by Prof. Martin’s pool. Apparently his name is Jamie.

He’s one of only two kids here, which is not really unexpected given that this is the end-of-semester party for Prof. Martin’s honors criminal psych class. Not too many college kids around here with children. Stiles had assumed, like an idiot, that that was true for Derek, too. Or, more like, he hadn’t ever thought to wonder about it. He probably should have. At twenty-six, Derek is older than everyone else in the class except the professor. It’s totally plausible for a twenty-six-year-old to have a kid.

What seems less plausible is that that twenty-six-year-old with a kid would be Derek Hale. He just doesn’t look like Stiles’ idea of a dad. He came into class the first day in a leather jacket and tight jeans with this don’t-talk-to-me smolder, and Stiles spent most of that session pretending to look over the syllabus with the rest of the class while actually wondering what Derek looked like naked. He feels kind of skeevy about it now, if Derek is somebody’s dad.

It seems more and more likely that he is. The kid is a dark-haired little boy, not very talkative, and not five minutes after they arrived, he’d already bitten Prof. Martin’s daughter on the arm and been banished to time-out. That was about when Stiles felt he had to accept that yep, that was probably Derek’s kid.

Now Jamie and Derek are sitting together on the edge of the pool, dipping their feet in the water. Jamie is sniffling, but as Stiles watches, Derek pulls a kleenex out of the pocket of his leather jacket and carefully—tenderly, even—wipes at the kid’s face with it. Derek’s saying something to him, and he’s got this achingly gentle smile on his face that Stiles has never seen before, and then he’s pulling a quarter out of his pocket. At the flash of silver the kid stops crying, looking tentatively interested. Derek winks at him and pretends to put the coin back in his pocket, then reaches up and plucks it from behind his ear. Jamie stares at it, and then at Derek, dumbfounded. Derek does it a second time, faster, tickling the kid’s ear as he “finds” the coin, and Jamie giggles. It’s basically illegal levels of adorable.

Yeah, that confirms it. It’s definitely more than a simple lust-crush thing at this point, and Stiles is fucked.

Stiles looks over at Boyd. He’s busy on his phone, typing out a meticulous, grammatically correct reply to a wall of emojis from Erica. “So…” Stiles prompts. “Fatherhood?”

“I think you’re closer to needing adult supervision yourself than providing it to others,” Boyd decides, hitting send on his text. “You can be the fun uncle, at most.”

“Hmm,” Stiles says, and morosely eats a curly fry.

*

Stiles is over at the cooler on the patio, digging around through the ice to see if there’s any beer left, when someone clears their throat behind him. He waffles and snags a Sprite and turns around to see Derek hovering there, leaning an elbow on the railing.  

Stiles pops the tab open on his can and tries for a casual bro nod. “Hey. ‘Sup.”

“I like your shirt,” Derek says, biting his lip. “I am Groot.”

Stiles smiles and runs a hand down his chest, over the baby Groot on his shirt. “Yeah. I wasn’t gonna buy any more graphic tees, but then I saw it and I was powerless to resist.”

“Have you seen the sequel yet?”

Stiles throws his head back and groans. “No, and it’s killing me. I can’t wait. I’ve watched the trailer like ten times. I’ve been forcing myself to stay in my dorm and study, though. No movies for me. I mean, the way everyone was talking, I thought for sure Professor Martin’s final was going to torpedo my GPA. I’m actually feeling pretty good about it, though. I think I probably got, like, a low A. You?”

“Same. I feel sorry for anybody who didn’t keep up with the readings, though. That would torpedo their grade.”

Stiles snorts. He knows exactly who didn’t do the readings, because most of them are huddled together in a glum little group at the picnic table at the edge of the yard. “Definitely. There was so much on the final that was never even mentioned in class.”

Derek looks at him, lingering in a way that makes Stiles’ skin feel too hot. “I guess now that that’s over with, you can finally see the movie.”

“Yeah.” Stiles laughs, nervous without quite knowing why. Maybe it’s just that when Derek looks at him, it always makes him kind of nervous. “Guess so.”

Derek picks at the peeling label on his lemonade bottle, asks, “Do you maybe want to go see it with me?”

Oh.

On the one hand, YES, hell yes, Stiles wants that, and the fact that Derek wants that makes him feel like breaking out dancing right here, right now, but—maybe Stiles feels slightly less like he should want it now than he did, oh, say, this morning.

In the distance, he can hear Jamie shriek-laughing down on the lawn as Heather tickle-attacks him. Dating Derek—seriously dating, because Stiles wouldn’t be down for casual, not in this case—would mean being in that kid’s life, maybe even eventually being that kid’s step-parent. And yeah, Jamie is cute. So is seeing how good Derek is with kids. But… Stiles’ gut reaction is “Yikes.”

Stiles agrees with Boyd on this one: Stiles should be the fun uncle at most. Stiles as a dad, responsible for the well-being of a small child? Yikes. Double yikes. Infinite yikes.

Derek is still staring at him, his smile fading to something more closed-off, more nervous, the longer Stiles doesn’t say anything. By the time Stiles says, “No, I—I’m sorry. I wish I could, but I can’t,” Derek doesn’t even look that surprised, more… resigned. Sad.

“Okay, well…” he says. “Thanks for considering it.” He nods, once, without quite looking at Stiles. Then he sets his lemonade down on the railing and walks away.

*

Stiles doesn’t really feel much like partying after that. There’s nothing like rejecting your crush—after a whole semester of trying to get them to ask you out, no less!—to ruin the mood. And anyway, he’s already eaten and socialized and done his time sitting around in the sunshine. He’s probably going to have sunburn all over his face and neck tomorrow to go along with his Derek-asked-me-out-and-I-said-no moping. He can be both emotionally and physically miserable at the same time. Great.

When he opens Prof. Martin’s front door, heading out to his Jeep parked up on the road, there’s a man jogging up the porch steps. He slows when he sees Stiles, shooting him a friendly enough smile.

“Everyone’s out back,” Stiles says. The guy looks a little older, like Derek’s age, maybe, and he has a tattoo on his arm, two thick dark lines. He definitely wasn’t in their class this semester. “Are you a friend of Professor Martin’s?”

“No, actually, I don’t know her. I’m Scott. I’m a friend of Derek’s. I’m just here to pick up my son for his dentist appointment.”

Stiles isn’t sure what his heart just did in response to that, but it’s probably nothing good. “Your son as in, the little boy who likes to bite people?”

“Yeah, it’s a bit of a phase he’s been going through,” Scott says apologetically, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. “We’re working on it. Hope he wasn’t too much of a problem today. Derek asked Professor Martin if he could come, and she said it would be fine, so…”

“Yeah, it’s been good,” Stiles manages to say through his inner mantra of Stiles, you idiot.  

“Awesome. When Jamie heard Derek was going to a party, he just got so excited, you know? Kira—my wife—she tried to tell him it was a grown-up party, but he was really insistent. He’s kind of obsessed with Derek right now. Everything Derek does, Jamie wants to do.” Scott laughs a little. “You should’ve seen how excited he was when Kira hinted he might get a jacket just like Derek’s for his birthday.”

“Oh my god,” Stiles says faintly, because that mental image is almost too cute to handle. Also… apparently he isn’t leaving yet after all.

*

Stiles lingers as unobtrusively as possible on the back patio until Scott has collected Jamie from Derek, and then he heads over. For once, he’s able to sneak up on Derek, even though this time he’s not even trying. Derek’s clearly lost in his own head, standing alone over by the pool and staring down into the still water.

“Hey, Derek,” Stiles says, drifting to a stop a few feet away.

Derek jumps a little, then sees who it is and looks even more startled.

Stiles snorts. “Sorry, dude. Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You didn’t,” Derek says, unconvincingly.

“Right, well. I just… I was just wondering if you still wanted to see that movie.”

Derek eyes him, wary and kind of puzzled. “Thirty minutes ago you said—”

“I know what I said. What I said was stupid.”

Derek’s expression doesn’t change, except to look incrementally more confused.

Stiles sighs. He’s just going to have to say it. “Thirty minutes ago I thought you were Jamie’s dad, okay? Now I know better.”

Derek uncrosses his arms. “Oh?”

“Yeah. And I figured… The date was probably going to go pretty well, and then there’d be another one and another.”

“That’s confident of you,” Derek says, cautiously pleased.

“Well,” Stiles shrugs, “I think I’ve spent enough time with you by now to know we’d be pretty great together, and honestly? I’m crazy about you. Any relationship with you, I would work like hell to make it work.”

Derek looks a little stunned.

Stiles forges on, hoping he’s not creeping Derek out. “So yeah, I figured if I said yes, it wouldn’t be just one date. And I figured I shouldn’t just jump into that without being prepared for what it might mean. Long-term.”

Derek steps in a little closer, and he’s just staring at Stiles and not saying anything and it’s wreaking havoc on Stiles’ nerves.

So, of course, he keeps talking, and talking. “Before you get creeped out, trust me, I know you’re just asking me out, not proposing marriage or whatever, but listen, I’m not going to jump into something with you if I’m not ready for the possibility of it getting serious one day. When you showed up with Jamie, I thought things getting serious between us might include your kid, and… Honestly, I’m not sure I want kids, and that’s not even getting into whether it’d be a good idea to give me a child. I feel like that could actually be a very terrifying idea, both for me and for him.”

“Stiles—”

“I mean, I’m happy enough seeing other people’s kids once in a while and then sending them home to their parents, you know? So I guess what I’m trying to say is, finding out you don’t have kids was basically the best news of my life because now I can say yes, like, the most enthusiastic of yeses—”

Derek kisses him. Stiles agreeably stops trying to talk, letting his eyes fall shut and his hands drift down to twist in Derek’s shirt. Who needs talking, anyway, when he has Derek gently coaxing his mouth open with his tongue. That’s the kind of communication style Stiles can really get behind.

After the third wolf-whistle from over by the picnic table, they reluctantly break apart. Derek looks satisfyingly dazed. Stiles feels like he probably does, too, because wow.

“I guess that was a yes to my yes?”

“That was a ‘Stiles, shut up before you run out of oxygen.’” Derek smiles. “And it was a yes.”

Awesome.

(end)

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

The Green-Eyed Doctor

(gif source)

Summary: Reader gets in a bad accident and is put under the care of Dr. Winchester during her stay...

Pairing: Doctor!Dean x reader

Word Count: 3,400ish

Warnings: language, car accident

A/N: I’m in love with doctor Dean now. Quote for this one was, “As long as I’m around, nothing bad is going to happen to you.”…

You could feel the pain before you opened your eyes. It just hurt absolutely everywhere, like every bruise, cut and scrape you’d endured through life had come together at once and multiplied by a thousand. Opening your eyes you were blinded by bright light, trying to blink it away. You went to move your hand to rub your eye but found you couldn’t, strapped down to something.

“Woah, calm down sweetheart,” said a deep voice as you struggled and made jolts of anguish shoot through nerves you didn’t even know you had. “Relax, we’re going to take care of you. Now can you tell me your name?”

You blinked a few more times and scrunched up your face, still trying to get your bearings.

“I’m Dr. Dean Winchester,” he said, taking a second to stop whatever it was he was doing and look down at you, a pair of green eyes meeting yours. “Can you tell me your name sweetheart?”

“Y-Y/N,” you said weakly, the one word alone sapping all of your energy from you. He smiled and said something to someone else, your straps undone as they moved you from one table to another, pulling a groan out of you. Your little car never stood a chance against that tractor trailer that decided to cross four lanes of highway and come at you head on. “Other drive...”

“Bumps and bruises. Let’s focus on you, Y/N,” said the doctor. Your head got dizzy and some alarm started going off. Shit, that didn’t feel right.

“Dying?” you asked, barely catching his coat sleeve. He gave you a gentle smile.

“As long as I’m around, nothing bad is going to happen to you, promise,” he said. “Let’s get her into OR 7 and prepped to go people.”

You still felt like you were dying but at least you didn’t feel covered in sticky blood anymore. You flashed open your eyes to find yourself in a dimly lit room, the sun trying to peak in through the blinds. It only took you about two seconds to realize you were in intensive care, the big room to yourself and the thousand machines strapped to you more than giving it away.

“Hey, you woke up sooner than I expected,” said the man you just noticed at the end of your bed. He looked tired in his blue scrubs as he jotted something down on a chart. 

“De...” you said before your throat felt drier than the desert. 

“Here you go,” he said, grabbing the pitcher of water from the other side of the room and pouring it in your cup, picking up one of the straws and sticking it in. “Slow sips.”

You took a few at first, eventually getting larger ones until that small act exhausted you. 

“Dean,” you said, finishing your statement from before. He smiled.

“I’m surprised you remember that,” he said with a chuckle. “How you feeling?” he asked, putting two fingers on your wrist and looking at his watch for a moment before looking at the monitors.

“Crappy,” you croaked out.

“Well that’s not good. It’s my job to get you not crappy,” said Dean with a smile.

“Cute,” you said, shivering as you noticed the chill in the room. “Can I have a blanket?”

“I’m sorry Y/N. We have to get your fever down first. Hopefully end of today it’ll be low grade and we can get you feeling warmer again,” he said. You shivered again and he looked heartbroken.

“Don’t look at me like that,” you said. “I’m not some broken thing.”

“I know. That attitude is good too for PT,” he said, putting your chart back down.

“What’s wrong with me?” you asked.

“You really should get some rest Y/N. We can talk about it later if you’d like,” said Dean. You scowled and he sighed. “Broken ribs, large lacerations to the arms and chest with deep penetrating ones near your heart, nearly punctured lung, partially severed veins in your lower limbs, a concussion, various scrapes and bruises...your toes are probably the only thing that don’t hurt right now,” he joked.

“Thank you,” you said, Dean pouring you another glass of water and moving it over to where you could get it on your own.

“I’ll have a nurse come in soon. Get some sleep and I’ll be back later today.”

You were ready to kill someone with the agony you were in. Where the fuck was your pain killers? Nearly all day when you weren’t sleeping you were mashing the nurse button but the doctor hadn’t prescribed you any. 

“Hello Y/N, how are-”

“Prescription, write it now, please,” you said, seeing his eyes go wide. 

“Oh fuck,” he said, scrambling from the room. Two minutes later he was back with a morphine bag. “Shit, I’m so sorry. I was writing one this morning and...shit I left it in your chart.”

“Just hurry up,” you whined, your hands hurting from clawing into the sheets all day. It took a moment but soon you felt a small wave of relief hit you. “Oh that’s so much better.”

“I’m sorry. I really am. I went home to bed and came back without looking at my phone and...shit they’re supposed to get someone else if I’m not here to do it,” he said, pissed at himself and the whole damn hospital now.

“On the bright side, I feel fucking amazing now,” you said. “You should try this stuff.”

“I apologize Y/N. It won’t happen again.”

Dr. Winchester was very attentive of you after that incident, checking on you often throughout the days, saying hi when you were walking in the halls to get your strength back, occasionally eating his lunch with you. Thankfully your legs weren’t as bad as they feared and you were told you could be running a marathon soon. Not like you would have done that anyways.

“How’s my favorite patient doing today?” asked Dean, stopping in your room and grabbing your chart.

“I’m moving from ICU this afternoon. I’m bustin’ out of this joint soon Dean,” you said. 

“Good. I love seeing you everyday but I would prefer it not be with you in a hospital bed,” said Dean. You tilted your head, wondering if he meant it to come out that way. Dean had grown more flirty with you lately but you’d always thought that was his natural personality coming through.

“So I can go home soon?” you asked, so used to Dean picking up your arms and bending them this way and that you just talked when he started doing his thing.

“We’ll pop you to a normal room for three days or so and then you can head home as long as you have someone there. Otherwise we’ll probably keep you four or five,” said Dean. You groaned and he chuckled, sitting down on your bed. “What, you don’t want to go home?”

“If you hadn’t noticed Dean no one came to visit me. That means two more days of staring at these pale blue walls,” you said. Dean sighed, opening his mouth but closing it. You knew what he wanted to say but that wasn’t his place.

“A few more days sweetheart and you’ll be able to take care of yourself.”

You were lying on your couch in your dusty apartment. It hadn’t been cleaned in who knew how fucking long. You glanced over to your kitchen, the to-do list stuck on your fridge of chores you were supposed to do that day you got in your accident long and probably never getting done.

“Clean up apartment, yeah that ain’t happening,” you said, forcing yourself to sit up. It’d been easier when someone was helping. You weren’t afraid to struggle some but your house was a freaking mine field compared to the nice clean hospital. Your phone rang and you growled at yourself for leaving it on the kitchen counter. 

Carefully you slid over to the end of the couch, pushing off the arm rest and standing. You managed to grab the phone on the last ring.

“Hello?” you asked, taking a step straight into an empty box and falling face first onto your tile floor. “Ow.”

“Y/N? This is Dr. Winchester. Are you alright?” he asked. 

“I fell,” you said, breathing hard. “I’m fine. Just sore.”

“Do you want me to call an ambulance?” he asked and you laughed.

“No Dean. I’m okay. I banged my knee mostly,” you said, sitting up against your cabinets, inspecting your throbbing leg. “What’s up?”

“I was just checking in after you checked out this morning. Besides the fall how is everything going?” he asked.

“I’m okay,” you said. “Not looking forward to going back to work.”

“You aren’t cleared to return to work Y/N,” said Dean. Shit, he wasn’t supposed to know about that. “You know that.”

“Yeah, I know I’m just saying in the long term ya know?” you said. He was silent on the other end.

“Don’t go to work tomorrow,” he said. You rolled your eyes. How could he possibly understand? He made good money and had good insurance. You were lucky you were covered for what had happened but if you didn’t get back to work soon...”Doctor’s orders.”

“I won’t go to work tomorrow, Dean.”

“Y/N, how not lovely to see you again,” said Dean, walking into your hospital room. “I distinctly remember you saying yesterday that you wouldn’t be going to work.”

“I had to. I need the money and my insurance...my boss said I had to get back,” you said.

“Yeah well whoever your boss is deserves an ass kicking,” said Dean, looking over your chart. “Exhaustion and you hit your head again. Y/N I wanted to see you again but not like this.”

“It doesn’t matter, I got fired anyways,” you said. “I’ll be in medical debt forever if you don’t discharge me today.”

“Not happening,” said Dean, pulling out his flashlight and holding up his finger. You knew the routine by now and he had a scowl when he finished. “You have some puffiness around your eyes. We should have another scan to make sure-”

“I’ve been crying okay? Please just leave me alone Dean,” you said, turning on your side away from him. 

“Get some rest. I’ll check back later,” he said, pulling up your blanket and turning off the light as he left.

You were home again, back on the couch, only now you were trying to figure out what the hell you were supposed to do. You could look for a job but Dean or your other doctor weren’t clearing you for weeks that was for sure. You could only thank your other doctor that he let you go home a few hours ago so you wouldn’t have to deal with any medical bills. 

A knock came at your door and you frowned. You waited and hoped they would go away. They knocked again and you huffed, standing up too fast but not caring as you flung your door open.

“What!” you said, staring at a pair of blue scrubs.

“Bad day?” asked Dean, taking a step back. You breathed hard for a moment, Dean’s hand raising up to hand you a bag. “You didn’t go to the pharmacy.”

“I can’t afford it,” you said. “I’ll take feeling like crap for a while over the debt.”

“Just take the medicine, Y/N. It’s covered,” said Dean, thrusting the bag forward.

“You did not pay for this,” you said, crossing your arms, refusing to accept it.

“Fine I didn’t pay for it. Shit you can be as stubborn as hell, can’t you? You’ve had a really rough go of it these past few months. I’m just trying to help you not have some more,” said Dean.

“I don’t think it’s very professional of you to do something like this,” you said, un-fisting one of your hands, feeling the bag be shoved under it.

“I like you, sue me,” he said. “Is that your apartment? It’s a mess.”

“Sorry, spring cleaning wasn’t on the top of my list of crap to deal with today,” you said, walking away.

“Have you eaten yet?” he asked. You shrugged. “You have no food?”

“Everything is expired. The grocery store is closed. I’ll go tomorrow,” you said. Dean was shaking his head in your doorway.

“I’ll be back in an hour,” he said, pulling your front door shut.

“Yeah right.”

“I know you’re in there,” said Dean an hour later, after you’d ignored his knocking for a few minutes. Reluctantly you got up and answered. Dean was in jeans and a flannel, carrying a big bag full of tupperware containers.

“What is-”

“Food for the next few days. Just pop them in the oven or microwave. There’s a note with how long to cook them each,” said Dean. “Get your strength back. Now can I come in please?”

“Not like you’d take no for an answer,” you said, waving him in after you.

“What would you like? I made some comfort food, mashed potatoes and mac n’ cheese if you want,” he said, pulling out the top container from the bag.

“Go for it,” you said, pointing over to your kitchen before sitting down on your couch. You shut your eyes as you listened to him move about. But he kept moving and kept moving to the point where you were getting annoyed at the noise. “What-”

He was fucking cleaning your apartment for you. 

“There are in home nurses that would normally help with this but I’m already here,” said Dean when he caught your stare.

“Remember that unprofessional thing?” you said, Dean smiling to himself.

“You want me gone just say the words and I’ll leave you be,” said Dean, picking up some boxes and putting them in a pile near your door to go out. You sighed and he laughed. “That’s what I thought.”

“Why are you even helping me?” you asked. 

“Maybe cause I like you?” said Dean with a smile. You nestled into your couch as he worked away, cleaning up the dust and sweeping up the floor, tossing the old food in the trash and bundling it up to go out as well. 

“You do this for all your patients?” you asked, sniffing the air as the thought of hot food made you smile.

“Nope. Just you,” he said. He made his way back into the kitchen, taking out the food as the timer went off. Before you knew it, you had a plate on your kitchen table and you were hopping up for a bite. “Slower next time.”

“You got it doc,” you said, sitting down and diving in, only feeling a little strange at being the only one eating. It’d been a lifetime since you had an actual home cooked meal. You glanced around your apartment and found it now free of any obstacles to trip on, no longer musty smelling in there either.

“You need anything else tonight?” he asked. You shook your head between bites. Dean stood, grabbed a notepad and started jotting down a few things. “I got to run to the grocery store in the morning. I can pick up what you want around here in case you get sick of my cooking.”

“This is fucking phenomenal,” you said, scarfing down the last of your food. “I can make it on my own.”

“Says the woman who isn’t allowed to drive for two weeks,” he said. “You going to hulk out and carry it all?” he teased.

“Fine. You can help me until my concussion is gone and I’m able to drive again, deal?”

“Deal.”

“Eh, what’s up doc?” you said a few weeks later, Dean laughing the way he always did when you answered his calls.

“Do you want to have dinner at my place tonight? We always eat over at yours. I figured maybe you wanted to-”

“Sure. I’d love to see you work in a kitchen that’s not the size of a closet,” you said.

“Swing by in about thirty,” he said. He was there in twenty five, still in scrubs and a little sweaty from his long shift.

“Surgery today?” you asked, walking down the stairs outside without his help but his hand there to catch you in case.

“Yeah, car accident. Got hit head on. Her car took the brunt of it. It wasn’t life threatening like you,” he said. 

“Wait, life...you never told me that,” you said, pausing at his car. He walked around the other side of the Impala and slid in. You followed suit and repeated your statement.

“You don’t tell people when they come in on death’s door that they’re probably not going to make it. You just say you’ll try your best,” said Dean, pulling out of your small lot and onto the road.

“That’s not what you told me,” you said. 

“I know,” said Dean.

“Then why’d you say it?” you asked.

“I don’t know, I just did,” he said. “What’s the big deal?” 

“You shouldn’t promise people in my situation that you’re going to save them,” you said.

“I don’t. I just did it the once with you,” he said, resting his head on his propped up elbow.

“Why?” you asked softly. Dean sighed and put both hands back on the wheel.

“I don’t know Y/N. I just did it,” he said. “How’d PT go today?” he asked, getting off the topic. 

You told him how you were doing better, thanks to him pulling some strings and getting you in at no cost. He was happy to hear how you found a work from home job that was flexible with your hours, had good benefits and paid decent enough that you’d start at next week. By the time you’d got done talking you were pulling into his parking lot.

He led you over to the door and inside, pointing out the stairs or elevator. He was on the third floor but you knew you could handle it. He was smiling when you turned around at the top. 

“Three months ago you couldn’t take a step without some help,” he said. “Told you you’d get there.”

“I have a very attentive doctor,” you teased, following him down the hall and into a nice apartment. It was bigger and nicer than yours but it wasn’t fancy, not that you’d expect that from the guy that showed up in plaid everyday.

“I’m going to pop dinner in the oven and take a fast shower if you don’t mind,” he said. “You can watch TV or whatever,” he said, waving you over to the couch. “There’s a half bath over there,” he said, pointing at an open door as he messed about in the kitchen.

“Gotcha,” you said, taking a seat on his couch and practically moaning. Shit you should have been a doctor for a couch like that.

“Y/N? Want some food sleepy head?” he teased as he shook you awake. 

“Sorry,” you said sitting up from where you’d fallen asleep while dinner cooked.

“S’kay. I figured the extra stairs might take it out of you,” he said. He was in a pair of sweats and a black tee, helping you up and over to his kitchen table.

“Oh I love your mashed potatoes,” you said, smiling when you took a seat.

“Y/N, we...I’m your friend right? I’m not just your overly concerned doctor to you?” he asked, sitting across from you.

“Yeah Dean, you’re my friend. What’s going on?” you asked. He shifted in his seat and shrugged.

“Just checking,” he said. “I know you’re pretty independent now. You don’t need me to help. I just don’t want to stop hanging out is all.”

“That depends,” you said, hoping you weren’t going too far. “Are you finally going to ask me out?”

“I wanted us to to be friends first,” said Dean. You smiled and he returned it. “Would you like to go on a date with me Y/N?”

“Yes, I would like that very much,” you said.

“Can this be our first date?” he asked, smirking with big bright eyes.

“Yes. You had this planned all along didn’t you,” you said. “That’s why we had dinner here.”

“Hard to plan a surprise first date in someone else’s apartment ya know,” he joked. “I like you Y/N. A lot.”

“I like you too Dean. You’ve helped in more ways than you’ll ever know,” you said.

“I told you once before, as long as I’m around, nothing bad is going to happen to you. I intend on keeping that promise,” said Dean. He smiled when you tilted your head at him. “What?”

“Do you want to hang out tomorrow? Go to the park maybe,” you asked.

“Yeah, I’d like that. We can have a picnic if you want,” he said, the hope in his eyes that you were talking about another date.

“Looking forward to it.”

@anokhi07 @xxwinchester-22xx @charliebradbury1104 @everyday-supernatural-af @squirels-angels-and-moose @youwerelikeadream @drugpug@darkx143 @kristaparadowski @tom-is-in-my-tardis @tanithlowisabamf @smoothdogsgirl @dancingalone21 @ktrivia @demonic-meatball  @oaisara @feelmyroarrrr @cojootromuelle @gallifreyansass@fangirl1802 @itstheprincess @casgetoutofmydiddlydarnass @mogaruke@secretlyfurrydragon @perpetualabsurdity @ria132love @heycassbutt-67 @aingealcethlenn @docharleythegeekqueen  @missmotherhen@smacklesandstretch67 @ceeceewinchester  @tumblinwith-me @xfanqirlinq @heaven-is-aplaceonearthwithyou @hey-um-misha@bennyyh @acreativelydifferentlove @imissyoualittlemoreeveryday @lovelife-tothefullest @under-general-asthetics @tardis-full-of-fallen-angels @missdestiel67​ @evyiione @jensenackesl​ @xxxdevine-demonsxxx​  @ayeeitsemry​ @mac5323​ @bellastellaluna @atc74

[ace-pidge]

I just got hit with feels so have some sheith back-country (canoe) camping headcanons (based on personal experience)

Keith is the camper. Shiro has been like trailer/car camping with his family and some friends before, but it’s always been the cushy kind of camping with running water/showers/toilets and electricity and where you’re packed into a campground with tons of other people and where you’re never far from a fast food place if you want to nip out with the car to get coffee or food or whatever

Keith teases him that he hasn’t been camping camping

(Keith is the type who will go lose himself in a forest for a couple nights with nothing but a hammock or sleeping bag + bug net)

When Keith tells him they’re going back-country camping Shiro has no idea what that entails

Haha rip Shiro

Keith is ruthless with the packing, insisting they have to fit everything they’ll need for the three day trip into two backpacks. He keeps sending Shiro back to repack (“No Shiro you can’t bring your iPod dock” “Only the strict minimum clothes Shiro. The strict minimum, put that back you don’t need 2 pairs of pants” “Why the fuck would you bring a coffee grinder”)

Shiro is starting to have doubts

Shiro is really starting to have doubts when he sees Keith pack toilet paper (“shouldn’t there already be toilet paper over there?”)

When Keith starts carefully measuring out ingredients for the meals Shiro starts to realize the scope of what he’s gotten into. They’re bringing all their own food, everything they’ll need for 3 lunches, 2 breakfasts and 2 suppers, plus snacks. Shiro infers from this that where they’re going has no restaurant or fast food place nearby

When he sees the water filter and purification tablets Shiro infers that where they’re going has no running water

“Wtf did I agree to” –Takashi Shirogane

(read more below)

He manages to convince Keith to at least bring a tent—he draws the line at sleeping outside with absolutely nothing over his head. Keith rolls his eyes and laughs fondly

In the end they need 3 backpacks. Keith isn’t happy about it but Shiro says he’ll carry one on his front and one on his back, it’s ok

The canoe comes as a surprise

“Why do we need that??”

“Oh didn’t I say? We’re canoe-camping.”

“So we won’t even have the car?!! What if there’s an emergency?”

Keith holds up a pair of walkie-talkies and a first aid kit

Needless to say Shiro is hopeless in a canoe, but he’s a fast learner. And luckily he doesn’t freak out at how tippy it is

Getting the weight distribution right took a bit of creative maneuvering though. When they first got in, the front end where Shiro sat sank down, nearly lifting the back end clean out of the water. Keith ended up with all the bags pushed as close to his feet as possible

Once they get going Shiro finally starts to understand a bit of the appeal. The sun is warm and bright on the water, there’s a slight breeze keeping the air moving so it doesn’t get stifling hot, and the water isn’t too choppy. It’s so quiet, nothing but the sound of their paddles dipping in and out of the water as they pull further and further away from the put-in point, the rustle of trees along the shores and the occasional call of a loon or hawk or frog 

They talk sometimes, but Keith seems just as content going along in silence and Shiro follows suit, letting the sounds of nature lull him into a sense of peaceful calm

They leave the first lake to go up a small river that connects to a second lake. Here the water gets shallower and clearer, the bottom visible. The first time Shiro spots fish darting away from his paddle he gets so excited he nearly tips the canoe

When they reach the portage Shiro understands why Keith insisted on packing as light as possible. They unload everything, Shiro taking the two backpacks and Keith taking one plus the canoe, which he hoists onto his shoulders with the ease of having done it before

Finally they reach their campsite, nothing more than a cleared area of forest marked by a sign in a secluded bay off the second lake. The site’s best feature is the smooth gently sloping rock that leads from the water to the campsite proper, providing easy access

(Its worst feature, according to Shiro, is the wooden box with a hole cut in it set over a pit that serves as a toilet)

((Also the bugs, which hadn’t bothered them on the water but are out in full force in the forest))

By the time they’ve unpacked the canoe and pulled it ashore and set up the tent and made supper it’s getting dark, but they manage to catch the tail end of the sunset, cuddled together with a blanket on their rock, still warm from being in the sun all day

They stay on the rock until the stars come out, watching them come on one by one, listening to the sounds of the nighttime forest around them, whispering to each other, occasionally making out. They feel like the only 2 people in the world

Shiro: “I think I finally understand what you love so much about this”

Keith’s grin flashes in the dark right before he kisses Shiro

They go skinny dipping because they can, bobbing around with the endless stars reflected around them, chasing goosebumps across each other’s skin

When they crawl into the tent they’re both utterly exhausted from the long day and physical exertion, and they fall asleep within minutes, snuggled up together for warmth, the eerie cry of a loon the last thing they hear

[myaekingheart]

Had more bizarre dreams again. One last night which was perhaps the weirdest, and then four a few nights back that I jotted down but never actually got to documenting. I’ll start with last night’s, though, since it’s still fresh in my mind.

Night of 6/9: *Also: It is very, very important to note that this was 90s Hugh Grant we are talking about here. That’s crucially important. I had a dream about Hugh Grant which hasn’t happened in ages and is the bulk of why this was so goddamn fucking uncomfortable. In the dream, he owned this really fancy movie theater and he had this really luxurious apartment. I remember being in the apartment before anything. Everything was black and dark wood and glass, very sleek and sophisticated. I remember roaming around trying to figure out where the fuck I was meant to go. I think I was trying to find the bathroom, and I found one but he was inside of it so I walked around and found another door into a bathroom at the other end of the hallway, only to find that it was a second door into the same bathroom. I was about to walk inside but then I saw him standing there with his back turned to me (and a flash of his ass oh dear god) and quickly retracted my decision. I don’t remember every single specific thing but there was another scene in the bedroom. Nothing sexual, but he had a large bed with a dark wood bed frame, and it was overlooking this giant movie screen. I was about to climb into bed with him and who I swear had to be Jan from The Office when I realized I still had my contacts in and had forgotten to pack my eye care stuff. It wasn’t forgetting my glasses that was a problem so much as not having anything to put my contacts into was. I expressed this to them which then prompted Jan to tell me that she had a spare contact case and some contact solution I could borrow, so I thanked her and went back into the bathroom to remove my lenses. After that, the scene shifted and suddenly I was walking around the lobby of the movie theater downstairs with Hugh Grant. He was talking about it saying stuff I wasn’t really paying attention, because all I could think about was how deathly terrified I was as I have always taken issue with movie theaters and these were, quite frankly, something else. The hall leading into every theater was sloped with bright, obnoxious lights on the ceiling and big double doors and it overall looked like a classic Hollywood death trap, honestly. But I couldn’t fight it. He pulled me into one of the movie theaters and I was stunned. It was huge. The ceilings were ginormous, the screen was ginormous, the seats were weird. There were padded benches in the first two rows and then I guess regular seats in the back. A fat woman in the first row looked at me while the trailers were playing and said something like “The fuck are you scared for? It’s just a big room with a screen” in this rude, gravelly, mouth-full-of-popcorn voice. After this everything kind of started to fade out but I was left with the crawling, unnerving feeling of being in Hugh Grant’s realistic dream presence. I feel like to fully understand the scope of why this is so weird for me requires some backstory. Hugh Grant was, like, my first crush for absolutely no goddamn reason. I don’t even know how the fuck it happened but I was legit three or four years old and I guess I must’ve seen him in a movie or something? I remember going to the library and checking out his movies, like 9 Months (because I also had a fascination with pregnancy and childbirth as a kid—still lowkey do) and Notting Hill. I was embarrassed about it, like when my mom connected the dots she used to tease me by mimicking him saying “oopsie daisy” in Notting Hill and I would fucking freak the fuck out. I had this very distinct dream as a child, too, where I was in a white, brightly lit room like a dressing room and I met him and he towered over me and I was so unnerved and just everything about anything Hugh Grant just…I cannot function not so much because I still think he’s attractive but because that childhood panic and weirdness is still there. Because let’s face it, when you’re three or four and you get your first crush, or at least if you’re anything like me, it’s this weird sensation where you think you’re legitimately sick and every time you look at this person, you feel this bizarre and uncomfortable feeling where you think you’re simultaneously going to explode like a firework and vomit everywhere. So yeah, because of the childhood bullshit, everything and anything Hugh Grant just brings back all of that unpleasantness and it’s gotten to the point where if he’s ever in a movie that my mom happens to turn on at any point or whatever, that sensation immediately floods back and I have no choice but to leave the room and hide until it’s all over because I just cannot fucking handle it. So yeah, this dream was…I feel like I need a shower to wash off all this mucky, uncomfortable feeling but at the same time feel like I’m gonna feel watched if I get naked, if we’re gonna be blunt about it.

EDIT: Because I am a self sadistic prick and decided to look at trailers of Hugh Grant movies now, everything makes a little more sense because for some goddamn reason, yesterday or the day before I could not get this quote of “I’m just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love her” out of my head and I could not for the fucking life of me remember where it was from but now I know and I’m kicking myself because apparently my subconscius knew and decided this was probably the best way to remind me so there’s that. That’s real fucking fun. Thanks, brain. Appreciate you, too.

At least my dreams from the other night were far palatable, if not also a little strange.

Night of 6/6 Dream Number One: I was in the frozen food section of a generic grocery store, probably a Walmart. There was a kid having a temper tantrum on the floor about orange juice, I think? I don’t know, this is not the first time I have dreamt this exact same scene before so I’m pretty sure that’s what it was. I walked away with my cart, and on a display shelf where there should’ve been clothes (because it was the clothes section), instead there was a shitty taco making station with weak heat lamps, questionable ground beef, rubbery soft taco shells, and just plain shredded cheese. There was hardly anything there, as in people had eaten most of it, so it’s a mystery as to why they were drawn to something so disgusting. Like damn, if you want tacos that badly just go through the drive-through at Taco Bell.

Dream Number Two: This was the weirdest of the four dreams. I was in a large room with windows all along the one wall and a long row of yellow pleather recliners facing the aforementioned windows. They were those old recliners with uncomfortable metal frames and yellowing padding that’s poking through scars in the fabric from having been used for so many years. Like the kind of thing you see in the booths of old diners. My boyfriend was laying on one, and I was either sitting or standing next to him. There were dust particles floating in the air, and everything was tinted a moldy yellow. It’s presumed this was supposed to be part of some of dingy hospital because I distinctly remember my boyfriend was there for asthma, and they kept having to hook him up to breathalyzers like when he was in the hospital for real a few months back. On the recliner next to him was a small blonde kid, I think it was a boy in blue denim overalls, who was autistic. There were a handful of women standing nearby I guess trying to give him speech therapy, urging him to say the word “charm.” They were repeating it over and over again, slowly, putting emphasis on every sound in the word so it came off almost foreign. The kid, however, was not having it. He was squirming and kicking and screaming, he wanted nothing to do with any one of them or anything. I think at one point my boyfriend leaned over and said something to him and maybe he calmed down a bit? I don’t know. All I remember is that at one point during all this commotion, my boyfriend started freaking out, not in the “I’m so frustrated with this kid” way which would’ve been far better but the “My body is going into shock and I’m on the verge of death” way like he started spluttering and his body started seizing and I started panicking and screaming and doctor’s started running over and it was quite frankly a ginormous mess and I’m insanely shocked and horrified thinking back on it.

Dream Number Three: This one is simple and stupid. I dreamt that I was in my bathroom with my childhood best friend and we were standing in front of the mirror getting ready. I just remember standing there as we were talking, watching her straighten her hair and babble endlessly about God knows what and thinking to myself, “Damn, some people really don’t ever change.”

Dream Number Four: This last dream was perhaps the second weirdest of the night. I was on the same college campus as I’ve seen in previous dreams, especially in the dream I had the night before this one (where I was met with someone strongly resembling an old friend on a bench waiting for the bus). This time, however, I was in an auditorium style classroom and I was freaked. Because, as you can probably guess, auditoriums give me the same anxiety that movie theaters tend to. So basically, you can’t take me anywhere. But anyways, I grabbed a seat at the back of the room which was the highest up you could go but also the closest to some glass double doors and had an overhanging ceiling that was at average height, both of which helped to ease my discomfort a bit. I was there for a final exam, which didn’t help the nerves. There was a kid there sitting nearby, maybe one row in front of me, who I cannot stop associating with the word Kanye, like my brain as it was narrating all of this (as it sometimes tends to in my dreams) said he was a former classmate I had in real life who resembled/was like Kanye West. I have never had a classmate like Kanye West, unless my brain is vaguely referring to a kid from middle school whose only resemblance is probably skin color, diction, and weed, but still. Either way, there was a kid “Kanye” in the row in front of me and for some reason, he handed me this squishy eyeball replica. It reminded me of this one that I got as a kid at Disney World. I was outside the Haunted Mansion and I had walked into a pole and bonked my head really hard. A nearby street vendor noticed and gave me a free squishy eyeball toy as big as my fist to help me feel better because I was three years old wailing and screaming and in pain. The eyeball in my dream was basically exactly like that, except more like a real eyeball in manufacture but not size. I remember sitting there pulling it apart while I was waiting for the exam to start. I think it was the lens that I reached, or whatever that small, hard, marble-like thing in your eye is (or maybe this is different for humans considering the only experience I have with dissecting eyeballs is in the form of a squid) that I began pressing in my hand, into my palm and between my fingers, and in a way it almost helped me feel calmer. Which is really morbid now that I think about it. Like yeah, sure, this makes total sense: “I’m feeling anxious so I’m gonna start squeezing this piece of eyeball around in my hand so I can feel better!” Like no, Amanda, shut the fuck up, that’s disgusting. But that’s also where this dream ended so I guess I’m leaving this on a morbid note, then. Oh well?