#moviestar!dan

[paradisobound]

I Want It, I Got It: Epilogue

Summary of the Epilogue: Three Years Later

Full Fic Summary: Phil Lester was a worker for the BBC in London. Working in the advertising department, he was content being alongside his friend and fellow coworker PJ during every shift. However, the BBC is temporarily being used as a film set for a new movie staring Hollywood ‘It’ star, Daniel Howell. Being stuck as an extra on the set, Phil finds it’s hard to ignore the famous star. And maybe, just maybe, Dan finds it hard to ignore Phil as well.

Word Count: 1.3k 

Warnings: Occasional swearing and sexual mentions

Rating: Mature

**MASTERLIST | READ ON AO3 | WATTPAD**

“We have time to go check out the Eiffel Tower if that’s something you want to do?” 

Phil looks up from his phone where he was busy checking to see if his video posted correctly as he sits with Dan in his pop-up trailer somewhere in the middle of Paris. Dan had been filming here for his new movie for a few weeks now and Phil has actually really enjoyed his time in Paris with Dan. 

He’d never been prior to this but yet again, majority of the places he’s had to go with Dan were places he hadn’t been prior to being with him either. But now, nearly three years later. he’s been to Shanghai, Tokyo, Melbourne, Manila, and even places in Europe he’d never ventured to. 

But he’s been traveling with Dan and that’s something he’ll forever love to do. 

They’re traveling more than they’re ever home in London, but Phil doesn’t entirely mind that. Spike is able to travel with them often but when they’re gone for a few weeks at a time, he goes to stay with Martyn and his girlfriend Cornelia and their new little newborn. Spike loves the baby more than he loves his toys and Phil feels pride swell in his heart when he sees Spike run up to the baby. 

“I’m down for going to the Eiffel Tower.” Phil says with a smile. 

Phil stands up from his chair and grabs his jacket from the back as he puts it on and feels the weight of the box in the pocket weighing heavy. He’s been wanting to do this for a long time, but it’s been difficult due to traveling. He honestly thought he would never find a good time but maybe…just maybe…now is a good time. They’d already placed their lock on the bridge and sealed it with a kiss. 

As they walk out of Dan’s trailer and head down the street towards the Eiffel Tower, Phil feels grateful that the paparazzi doesn’t bother them much anymore. He guesses it is because they became old news when people figured out they weren’t breaking up and they also weren’t going to have a shotgun wedding like the Kardashians. 

But Phil has welcomed the privacy. Sometimes they get bombarded but more often than not, the most they’ll get is a few fan notices that ask for a photo and they’ll happily give them one. 

Phil’s channel on YouTube took off not long after he quit the BBC and he’s glad for that because he carried some heavy regret for a while that he did make a mistake quitting his stable job. But seeing everyone love his videos and love him and Dan together in such a domestic setting really helped them flourish and helped his channel gain nearly 20 million subscribers. 

“It’s a bit chilly out,” Dan says, pulling the sides of his jacket over his torso in an attempt to keep a bit warm. “I hope that means not many people will be out.” 

“Listen to what you just said.” Phil says with a smirk. “We’re at the Eiffel Tower.” 

“Well, it could be dead.” Dan insists with a tongue in cheek laugh. 

Phil wraps his arm around Dan’s waist and pulls his body close to his as they continue to make their way to the famous landmark. 

Maybe it’s totally cheesy and totally cliche. Maybe proposing to Dan in front of the Eiffel Tower is peak that, but he honestly doesn’t see this moment as any other way. They take a small walkway into the park and they’re suddenly standing in front of the landmark with everyone else around, also taking photos. 

They go largely unnoticed and they find a nice bench under a tree where they sit down for a few moments and Phil puts his hand on Dan’s thigh, just laying there as Dan covers his hand with his own and takes a deep breath. 

Phil doesn’t feel like they’ve had a moment to breath in the last 3 years if he’s being honest. Dan has been so busy from awards shows to movie premieres to interviews, being on shows, and also working with various organizations and charities in the London and Los Angeles areas. Phil doesn’t feel like they’ve had a moment like this where they could just sit down with one another and take a deep breath. 

“This is beautiful here.” Dan says. “Even if the grass is a bit yellow and dead.” 

Phil lets out a snort and a nod of agreement. But that’s probably what they get for being in Paris in mid April. 

“You want to know what’s beautiful?” Phil says, reaching up and stroking his thumb on Dan’s cheek. 

Dan groans and rolls his eyes. “Don’t get cheesy on me, Lester. It’s gross.” 

“It’s not gross.” Phil counters. “I just love you and there is something about being in Paris with the love of my life that brings out my cheesy, cliche side.” 

“Mmm.” Dan hums as he leans forward and connects their lips. “Me too.” 

“And I’d like to be a little bit more cliche.” Phil says, his words catching a bit in his throat as the nerves kick in. 

Dan furrows his brows and Phil slides off the bench under the walkway and down onto one knee and suddenly people are staring at them. Dan’s eyes are wide and he’s breathing quite heavy but Phil is took focused on reaching into his pocket and not dropping the ring. 

He pulls out the box and opens it up as he begins to speak the whole spiel he’d had planned since he’d known he wanted to propose but he’s stopped by Dan standing up and just nodding. “Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes!” 

“You don’t even know what I was asking?” Phil teases. 

Dan lets out a watery laugh and Phil decides to say it. 

“Will you marry me?” 

Dan nods again and Phil stands up, wrapping Dan in the tightest hug as Dan cries into his shoulder and shakes. Phil feels himself tearing up as well as his arms roam over Dan’s back. 

Dan pulls back and looks down between them as Phil takes out the ring from its holder and places it gently on Dan’s ring finger. It’s a bit snug but Dan just laughs it off and says that they can adjust it back home. 

They share a long kiss, just the two of them in front of the Eiffel Tower. Dan’s ring glistens in the soft light of the sun and when he pulls back, Phil can’t stop staring at it on his finger. 

“Do you like it?” 

“Do I like―Phil! This ring is everything!” Dan cries. “Oh my God, it’s gorgeous! How did you find this?” 

Phil thinks back about it. He remembers it so clearly. 

They were filming a scene for Dan’s movie in Milan, Italy and Phil was wandering around the city while Dan was busy for the day. He’d come across a little jewelry store and he’d decided to walk inside just to see what he could find. Just an hour later, he had placed an order for the most perfect ring that he’d ever seen with the owners promise to have it to him in London in just six weeks. 

That was almost a year ago. 

So maybe Phil had been waiting patiently for the perfect time and really, it had taken a long time to get to this point. But he’s happy it happened now in the city of love with just the two of them. 

“I want to post this on Instagram.” Dan says with a laugh as he wipes his eyes with the backs of his fingers. “Do you mind?” 

Phil shakes his head. “No. Of course not.” 

“Can you take a picture of me with the ring?” Dan asks. “I want to show it off.” 

Dan blushes and Phil just smiles as he gets out his phone and opens up his camera. He snaps a few photos and then Dan ushers him over and they snap a few photos with each other. 

They posted a lot of photos together on Instagram but never like this. 

Dan posted the photos with the caption, “Guess what just happened” with the ring emoji and Phil just smiled brightly as he wrapped his arms around Dan and held him close. 

Life has been like a fast moving train these last few years but he cannot wait to settle down and marry the love of his life…even if it takes another three years. 

[paradisobound]

I Want It, I Got It, Chapter: 28

Summary: Phil Lester was a worker for the BBC in London. Working in the advertising department, he was content being alongside his friend and fellow coworker PJ during every shift. However, the BBC is temporarily being used as a film set for a new movie staring Hollywood ‘It’ star, Daniel Howell. Being stuck as an extra on the set, Phil finds it’s hard to ignore the famous star. And maybe, just maybe, Dan finds it hard to ignore Phil as well.

Word Count: 2.3k (this chapter)

Warnings: Occasional swearing and sexual content

Rating: Explicit

**MASTERLIST | READ ON AO3 | WATTPAD**

A/N: Here it is guys, the final chapter! I never thought we’d get to this point. I decided to post it today since I work tomorrow and wouldn’t be around for any of your messages or comments if you decided to talk to me about the ending. This is a shorter chapter, but that’s because I’m posting the epilogue in just two hours to complete the entire fic in one day. This fic has been life since January and it’s going to be so different to not have this fic to work on anymore. I’ve actually become so invested in this that I think I’m going to rework this and turn it into a novel to purchase. (I might also sell the phanfic version for no profits too), if you’re interested let me know! I’ll have a longer note on the chapter on Ao3 if you want to read that. If not, happy reading :) 

They’re all sat on Phil’s couch, bleary-eyed and yawning. PJ has been dozing off for the last hour and Phil has just let him go. Martyn came by a few hours before that, yelling at Phil about how stupid he was for ignoring calls and how worried he had their mum but Phil just explained to him the entire situation and Martyn warmed up. He eventually took a seat on the sofa with them and that was where he currently was. 

Phil was exhausted and fighting to stay awake. But he told Dan he would watch Jimmy Fallon tonight with him on it and it was about to start in another ten minutes. He could do this. He’s been seeing commercials all night for Dan’s appearance on Jimmy Fallon along with some other musicians that Phil didn’t bother to pay any attention to. 

His nerves were running thin and his heart was beating so fast that he thought he might actually pass out. He figures that it’s either from the lack of sleep he’s gotten tonight―or really over the last few days―and the anticipation of what Dan was going to do or say tonight. 

Suddenly, the show begins and Phil holds his breath as he watches along with Martyn, who is eating some stale popcorn they made earlier, and PJ who is sleeping on the couch. He waits for Jimmy to say what he needs to―Phil’s never actually made an effort to watch him before. 

They watch in silence as Jimmy does his opening monologue and then finishes it up and there is already a commercial break. Phil feels like he’s going mad. He wants to see Dan so badly and he wants to see what Dan is going to say. 

The commercials are average American ones and he finds himself feeling on edge as he wraps his fingers on his thigh from wanting to fast forward even though he can’t. Maybe this is why he never watches cable TV. 

“You’re going to put a hole through your pants.” Martyn says, pointing to his fingers. 

“I just wish the show didn’t have so many commercials.” Phil mumbles, not breaking eye-contact away from his television. 

“Maybe we should just record the rest of this and wait until tomorrow to watch it. It’s clear you’re going mental.” 

“We’ve made it this far.” Phil says, just as Jimmy comes back on and this time, he’s sitting at his table. “I’m not going to stop watching.” 

“I might fall asleep.” Martyn says with a hint of a smile on his lips. 

Phil turns his head briefly and smiles before turning back and watching whatever Jimmy has to say. 

He’s going on and on about President Trump, but not in an overtly political way. And then he’s talking about his son and Phil finds that to be really wholesome. But before long, Jimmy says that after the next break, Daniel Howell will be on to discuss his new movie. 

During this commercial break, Phil doesn’t sit still. He gets up and paces a bit around his flat before he goes into the kitchen and grabs a can of diet coke from his fridge and opens it, taking a long sip. The acidity burns his throat but he welcomes it. 

He makes his way back into his living room where now both Martyn and PJ are sleeping on the couch on different sides and he snickers as he pushes himself into the middle and watches. 

When Dan walks out, Phil feels all of the breath leave his body. Dan is wearing some nice black and white striped shirt and a pair of very nice black trousers. His hair is perfectly styled and any hint of the crying he did earlier on the phone was completely gone behind layers of make up. But he looked beautiful and Phil could actually cry seeing him. 

“Thank you for joining us!” Jimmy says to him. “We hear that you just finished your new film so can you tell us a bit about it?” 

Dan nods and flashes a blinding smile. “My pleasure. I just got done with filming my next film with Mimei Lake called This is Life and it’s about a young male, who I play, moving to New York City to find himself and he begins to work for a fashion magazine and he falls in love with the CEO who is played by Mimei Lake and I won’t spoil the rest.” 

Jimmy nods and laughs. “That sounds amazing so I’m glad you don’t want to spoil the film.” He looks down at his desk and Phil watches him before he looks back up. “We also heard that you have been recently casted as Christopher Robin in Disney’s new live adaption of the popular children series. My son loves the books.” 

Dan smiles wider. “Thank you! I’ve always been a fan of Winnie the Pooh since I was a kid and so this is honestly a blessing. I went into the audition thinking that I was in way over my head but I’m very excited.” 

“It’ll be amazing to see how they make a realistic Pooh without totally scaring off everyone in the audience.” 

The audience laughs and Dan does too and Phil even finds himself chuckling a bit. Martyn stirs beside him and opens his eyes and then looks at Phil. “He’s on?” 

Phil nods and then shushes him as Martyn readjusts himself on the couch and sits up straighter, his eyes a bit wider. 

Then Jimmy speaks again. 

“So, I’m sure everyone out there is thinking the same thing but your social media has been a bit crazy these last few months haven’t they?” 

Dan nods and Phil watches as a blush spreads over his cheeks. “Yeah, they’ve been a bit of a mess.” He laughs it off. 

“Is it something that―uh―you’d be willing to talk about?” Jimmy asks and Dan nods. 

“The paparazzi hasn’t exactly been kind to me or my boyfriend, Phil, these last few months.” Dan says and Phil’s mouth drops open. 

Martyn elbows him in the side and Phil turns to him. 

“Oh so you have a boyfriend?” Jimmy asks and Dan nods. 

“Yes, I’ve been with my boyfriend Phil since February.” Dan says. 

“Well, that’s great!” Jimmy says. “Despite all that everyone has been seeing on social media, I think it’s quite amazing that you’re able to sit here and talk about him so openly.” 

Dan nods again. “It’s taken a lot of time but I really love him and I don’t want to hide him anymore.” 

“That’s fantastic and I’m sure everyone here is happy to know that you’re feeling better too.” 

Dan smiles and blushes and Phil feels his eyes well up a bit. 

“After the break, we’ll still be here with Daniel to play the Best Friends Challenge.” 

The screen goes black for a moment and Phil feels the first tear come down his eye. 

“Dan just called you his boyfriend on live TV.” 

PJ’s voice cuts through the silence and Phil turns to see his friend sitting with his clothes rucked up and his glasses slightly askew. 

Phil just nods. “I can’t believe it.” 

Phil clicks off the telly even though he knows Dan isn’t done but he needs a moment to just sit in shock. Dan just told everyone that they were together. He told the world that Phil was his boyfriend. It was official. Everything felt cemented and he felt a bit overwhelmed. 

He tries to talk through his feelings with Martyn and PJ but it doesn’t really work when both of them are nearly asleep beside him. He eventually gives up and leaves them be just as they both curl up on opposite ends of the couch and are sleeping with their heads on the pillows of his couch. 

Phil walks to his bedroom with Spike in tow and gets into bed, his eyes feeling extremely heavy and weighted. He’s not sure he can fight sleep any longer. He’s just shutting his eyes when his phone begins to vibrate and he picks it up and answers it with a mumble. 

“Hey.” 

It’s Dan’s voice. 

Phil shoots up in bed and answers back. “Hey!” 

“Did you watch Jimmy Fallon?” Dan asks. 

“Of course I did.” Phil says. “I wouldn’t have missed it.” 

“So you saw what I did?” 

Phil nods, but then remembers Dan can’t see him. “Yeah, I did.” 

“You’re okay with me saying we’re boyfriends?” 

“I love it, Dan.” Phil says. “Nothing made me happier than hearing you say it.” 

“Good.” Dan says. “Because I meant everything I said. You’re my boyfriend and I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

“I have to get going but I’ll text you tomorrow?” 

Phil smiles and lays back down, shutting his eyes. “Okay.” 

“Goodnight, Phil.” 

Phil doesn’t answer because his eyes are already shut and his brain is already asleep, his phone laying limp in his hand and Dan laughing on the other side. 

***

There is a loud crash that wakes Phil up sometime later. His body feels sluggish and his arm feels stiff from where he had slept on it and he feels a bit shaken up if he’s being honest. 

What was that massive crash? 

He gets up from the bed and notices Spike isn’t around. Phil figures he must have gone out into the living room sometime in the night…or morning? What time did he even go to bed last night? He feels hungover but he knows he isn’t. 

He walks down the short hallway and comes into the living room to see Martyn and PJ both standing up in front of the couch and…

Dan is standing there too?! 

Phil feels all breath leave his body as he walks closer. “Sorry for waking you both us.” Dan says. “It’s past noon and I figured Phil would be the only one here.” 

“No, no, you’re fine!” Martyn stutters. “I need to get going anyway.” 

PJ nods in agreement and then they’re both barreling around Dan and grabbing their things as they walk out of Phil’s flat. Phil feels a bit embarrassed by that entire ordeal. Plus, he’s a bit embarrassed at the mess. There are empty glasses, diet coke cans, and stale food sitting everywhere. He needs to clean but he doesn’t feel like he can right now. 

“Hi.” Dan says, dropping his bag onto the floor as Spike immediately runs over to it to sniff it. 

“Hi.”

“Surprise?” 

Phil rushes over and gathers Dan in his arms as he picks him up and spins him around, Dan laughing and giggling like they’re young teenagers again. When he lets Dan down, Dan reaches up and presses his hands on Phil’s jaw as he moves forward and connect their lips. 

It’s a bit messy, their teeth clacking, but Phil doesn’t care. 

They eventually end up in bed together and it’s just as messy as the kissing but Phil just….doesn’t care anymore. He’ll never care as long as he has Dan again like this. Well, maybe not like this as he thrusts into him, but he definitely wants Dan in his life for the future. 

There is just something about Dan that struck him when they first met all of that time ago at the BBC. There was something about Dan that made Phil feel things for him that he never would have imagined otherwise. 

Dan’s smile, his beauty, and most importantly, himself. Everything about Dan was perfect and Phil wanted nothing more than to never let him go and leave him be. Maybe it’s too soon to think that he wants to spend the rest of his life with Dan, but he does. 

He wants to marry him and maybe adopt another dog for Spike to play with. He wants to move in with Dan and eventually have a little child running around that they have to chase. 

But he also wants right now. He wants to travel with Dan as he films and goes to shows. He wants to support Dan unconditionally and be with him through all of his inevitable ups and downs. 

Dan cuddles onto Phil’s chest and Phil kisses the top of his head, his hair tickling his nose. He inhales Dan’s scent, memorizing it as he takes a deep breath. 

“What are we going to do now?” Dan asks. 

“Well, what are you going to be doing now?” Phil asks, looking down at him. 

“I’m going to be beginning filming for Winnie the Pooh in a few weeks in England?” Dan says, a smile playing on his lips. “Care to join me?” 

“Of course.” Phil says and Dan leans up, pressing a kiss tight on his lips. “But I have to do something first.” 

Dan sits up and Phil turns on his side as he reaches for his phone. He looks through his contacts and clicks on the one that he needs and as soon as the person answers, he says the words he’s been wanting to say for a while. 

“Louise, I quit.” 

A year ago, if someone would have asked Phil where he was going to be, he’d have said still working at the BBC and barely making it. He’d say he’d have a dog and probably be so painfully single he’d consider extreme measures to try and find a partner. 

But the world works in mysterious ways and there is something that’ll never quite settle with Phil. And as he looks down at Dan who is laying on his back, naked as the day he was born, with his phone in his head, he’ll never stop thinking about it. 

He’ll never stop thinking about how the BBC brought Dan into his life over something as simple as forcing Phil to be an extra on the set. And now, nearly five months later, he’s convinced Dan is his soulmate. 

Phil never fully understood what he wanted in life, but he’s realizing pretty quickly that he’s gotten everything he could have wanted and then some. 

[paradisobound]

I Want It, I Got It: Chapter 26

Summary: Phil Lester was a worker for the BBC in London. Working in the advertising department, he was content being alongside his friend and fellow coworker PJ during every shift. However, the BBC is temporarily being used as a film set for a new movie staring Hollywood ‘It’ star, Daniel Howell. Being stuck as an extra on the set, Phil finds it’s hard to ignore the famous star. And maybe, just maybe, Dan finds it hard to ignore Phil as well.

Word Count: 2.6k (this chapter)

Warnings: Occasional swearing and sexual content 

Rating: Explicit

Updates will be every Sunday around 1pm EST

**MASTERLIST | READ ON AO3 | WATTPAD**

The picture was spread over every corner of the world. Everywhere Phil looked, he saw the photo. It was so blurry and grainy but it was obvious who it was and it was obvious what was happening. Every time he looked at the photo, he felt sicker and sicker. 

The worst part was that he felt so powerless to everything. He felt absolutely powerless to anything that was happening and it was so far beyond their control. When he’d gotten off from the phone with Dan, he’d cried so hard that Spike barked at him and Phil had yelled for him to shut up and then immediately apologized. He’d held Spike close. He knew his crying was unsettling for his pup. 

He hadn’t bothered to call his mum back or Martyn. He didn’t even look at PJ’s text. A part of him believes that if he stops looking at his phone and seeing the photo, he can believe the photo never existed and this entire thing wasn’t happening. 

He was curled up on his bed when he heard Dan enter his flat a short time later. He could hear Dan’s footsteps walk around before they eventually walked to the bedroom. Phil looked up at him and immediately broke down into tears again at Dan’s puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. 

“What are we going to do?” 

“Marianne is talking with the media right now to try and get the photo pulled. I have my entire team working individually to find the source of the photo so we can press charges.” 

“But that doesn’t solve our problem.” Phil says, reaching up and wiping his cheeks. 

“I know.” Dan says. “But there isn’t anything we can do right now.” 

Phil let out a long sigh. “So what are we going to do now?” 

Dan walked into the bedroom further and shrugged his shoulders. He took a seat on the edge of Phil’s bed and sniffled. “I actually don’t know.” 

“I don’t either.” 

“We could release statements and ask for privacy but…” 

“That doesn’t really work when our privacy has already been breached.” Phil says. 

Dan nods in agreement. 

“I never really planned for this to ever happen.” Dan says. “I should have been more careful. I knew how paparazzi liked to follow me around and I knew that they would eventually find out where I was but I still should have been more careful. It was my fault for kissing you in such an open setting.” 

“It’s not your fault.” Phil says. He actually believes―no, knows this too. He knows that this isn’t Dan’s fault and he doesn’t want Dan taking the blame for it. Not with all of this shit crumbling around them, he doesn’t need Dan to take the fall. 

“But it is.” Dan says. “It’s indirectly my fault and you can’t argue with it. I’m the one who is the celebrity, not you.” 

“But that isn’t your fault for what the paparazzi are doing to you―to us. They’re ruining our privacy and breaching our boundaries.” 

“I know.” Dan says. “And on top of that, I have that movie premiere tomorrow night and I’m going to have to show up since it’ll look fucked if I don’t. And when I get there, I’m going to bombarded by people and cameras and microphones and I’m going to have to bite my tongue to not tell them to get fucked.” 

“This is all such bullshit.” Phil says. 

Dan nods again in agreement. 

“What do you want to do?” Dan asks him and it catches Phil off guard. 

“I don’t know.” 

Dan lets out a watery sigh. “I told Marianne that I would travel back to LA tomorrow night immediately following the premiere. I need to sort things out back home.” 

“Okay.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

Phil reached out and put his hand on Dan’s arm. “Don’t apologize.” 

Dan laid down on the bed and rolled closer to Phil, bringing their bodies closer together. Phil wrapped his arms around Dan’s torso and pulled him close. 

They just laid in silence together. In the background, Phil could hear both of their phones going off, constantly vibrating from emails, missed calls, and texts. But right now, they just lay together, crying silently as they think about the future and what’s going to happen. 

They were just outed in front of the entire world. Phil wasn’t even out to some of his coworkers and past friends and now, his name is plastered on headlines as kissing Daniel Howell. He can only imagine what people must be thinking right now. He doesn’t even want to see his social media. He doesn’t want to see his Twitter or Instagram or even his YouTube channel. 

Whatever chance he had a normal life was just ripped away from him and he’ll never get it back. He’s always be known as the guy in the photo kissing Daniel Howell. 

They remain silent until Dan suddenly begins to kiss him and they find themselves getting heated. Just mere moments later, Dan is beneath him, spreading his legs open and Phil is stretching him open and pushing inside not long after. It’s a bit sad and Phil feels tears prick his eyes as he thrusts into Dan. But as his thrusting gets faster and Dan moans under him, he feels something deep and primal take over. 

This is the one thing they have between them that remains private. Sex will always be just for him and Dan to have. No one will be able to see Dan like Phil does. No one will see the way Dan shuts his eyes and bites his lip as he moans. No one will see what Dan looks like naked underneath them. 

This is just for Phil to see from now on and forever and he intends to eventually make that clear. 

Dan finishes before him but not long after, Phil pulls out and finishes on Dan’s belly. It was what he needed to feel the stress leave his body and he can tell Dan feels the same way as his muscles unclench in his stomach and back. They don’t even bother to clean up. They just lay down next to each other and fall asleep. 

***

Phil calls in sick to work the next morning and then before Phil can really comprehend what the day is actually going to bring, Dan tells him that he needs to leave so he can go and get ready all day for the premiere that night. Their goodbye is much more bittersweet than when Phil left Los Angeles. There isn’t as many tears shed but it definitely hurts a lot more because Phil has no idea what the future is going to bring anymore. 

He’s lost. 

He’s completely and utterly lost. 

He sees Dan out with one last kiss goodbye and then Dan leaves out the door to a black cab with his suitcase and he’s gone once again out of Phil’s life. Phil doesn’t even know when he’s going to see Dan again and maybe that’s why this departure feels a lot more bittersweet. 

This was supposed to be his and Dan’s time to be together and it was ruined by the paparazzi and now they couldn’t enjoy what they wanted to. Phil has to figure out what to do while Dan goes to a movie premiere and then flies back to Los Angeles to figure out what he is going to do. 

He sits on his couch all day and ignores all of the phone calls that come in. He sends his mum and brother texts asking for some time to himself and then he turns off his phone and leaves it be. 

When he gets onto his laptop, he finds himself looking through his old footage of videos that he and Dan had filmed when he was in LA. He clicks through the videos and finds one of him and Dan doing a Q+A that they had asked questions for and finds himself importing the footage into his editing software and splicing it together. 

He works on that until its done and he honestly does not know how long it takes. He exports it and renders it and then he’s on his YouTube channel. Phil’s clicking on his profile and then he’s clicking on upload and suddenly he’s uploading the video and titling it. He adds in the description that this is the last video he’ll post for a while and then as it uploads, he watches the progress bar rise further and further to 100%. 

When it’s finished, he presses publish and takes a deep breath before closing his laptop and tossing it gently to the floor and laying on his side. 

He never sees what the reception of the video was. He never sees anyones reaction. He doesn’t even see what Dan says about the video because by the time he finally turns his phone on, the premiere for the moving is beginning and he’s watching it on his telly. 

Spike lays with him and they watch the TV as the hosts of the entertainment channel he stumbled upon talk about how it’s going to be a star studded night for the occasion and they were going to be covering some of the celebrities who were showing up to the red carpet. 

Phil watches curiously as all of the celebrities begin to arrive for the premiere and then suddenly a limo pulls ups and he see Dan step out with the help of a bodyguard. Phil watches with a tight throat as he sees all of the flashing lights flaring at Dan. He’s wearing a black pin stripe blazer with black pants and Phil thinks he looks stunning and he’s upset that he didn’t get the chance to tell Dan that himself. 

“Daniel Howell has just arrived to the red carpet.” The one host says on the TV. “He’s been the center of media headlines over the last couple weeks and there were talks that his appearance tonight would be up in the air.” 

The host suddenly walks over to Dan and Phil can see the fear that is registering over his face as the host points the microphone at him. “Hello, Dan! Do you care to tell us who you’re wearing tonight?” 

“I’m wearing Marc Jacobs.” Dan says with a smile. 

“Ooh.” She says. “We were all surprised to see you at the premiere tonight following the massive media attention in the last 24 hours.” 

Phil watches Dan’s smile falter and Phil wants to go through the screen and shake the host and scream at her that she shouldn’t be asking Dan that. But instead, he has to sit back and watch as Dan visibly recoils and then tries to answer. 

“Well, my friends all worked hard on this film and I’d been an extra on the set so it only feels right that I still come out and support them on such a great occasion.” 

Dan then turns away from the host and walks away and the host tries to play it off like that was what was supposed to happen and she turns back to the camera to speak about how Chris Hemsworth was arriving right about now to the red carpet. 

Phil reaches for the remote and flips the channel, finding a cooking show to watch instead as the bile rises in his throat. 

***

Phil gets around to calling his mum before he goes to bed that night and he shares a  healthy cry with her over the phone. His mum keeps him calm and tells him that she’s spoken to someone to act as a publicist on his behalf and this time, Phil doesn’t argue with her about it. He needs the help. 

He hears from Dan when he leaves the premiere and heads for the airport and when he falls asleep that night, he’s convinced that Dan is on his flight back to Los Angeles. 

Phil wakes up from a restless sleep to his phone buzzing repeatedly on his night stand. He reaches for it and checks it and sees that is Dan wanting to Facetime. He looks at the time and notes that it is a little after 6am which means Dan is back in the USA by now. 

Phil answers it and Dan’s face pops up on the screen in front of him. His eyes are puffy and his cheeks red and Phil knows that there is something different―more tense―hanging in the air as Dan opens his mouth to speak. 

“We need to talk, Phil.” He begins. 

“Okay.” Phil chokes out. 

“i’ve been doing some thinking and…” Dan’s voice breaks. “I think we should take a break.” 

Phil feels his heart shatter as if someone just took a sledgehammer to glass but he tries his best to hide it despite his vision blurring. 

“I don’t want to do this.” Dan says, his voice continuing to break as he speaks. “But I think it’s for the best if we take the time apart to let this situation clear and then we can try again.” 

“Okay.” 

“This isn’t a break up.” Dan reassures. “This is just a break, okay?” 

“Okay.” 

“Can you please say something else?” Dan pleaded. 

“What do you want me to say?” Phil says. “I think a break is a good thing too.” Phil lies. 

“Are you…are you sure that’s how you feel?” Dan asks. 

Phil nods, a tear suddenly sliding down his cheek and landing on his neck. 

“Fuck, this is so much harder than I wanted it to be.” Dan says, his voice hoarse. 

Phil can see that he’s crying silently to himself. 

“I think it’s best too if we try and remain as low as we can about each other.” Dan says. “I think we shouldn’t try to contact each other for the next few days and we should just try and let this situation be pushed on.” 

Phil turns his head and tries to hide the fact that a sob is threatening to break through his mouth. “Okay.” 

“This isn’t easy for me, Phil.” Dan says. “I love you so damn much, okay and that’s why I’m doing this.” Dan sniffles. “It’s just until we can figure out what we can do in the future.” 

Phil just nods and pulls his lips into a tight line as he looks at the screen through a clouded gaze. Dan brings his hand up and wipes off his face. 

“I didn’t want it to come to this.” 

“Me either.” Phil says. 

“But it’s just until the media blows over. I promise.” 

Phil nods and Dan tries to give him a sympathetic smile but it falters and crumbles as he wipes off the new tears from his face. “It’s late there and I know you’re supposed to be sleeping so I’ll let you go.” 

Please don’t go. 

“I love you.” Dan says before he shifts just a bit on camera. “Bye, Phil.” 

The call ends and Phil feels his heart shutter into millions of unfixable pieces. He drops his phone to the other side of the bed and curls onto his side as he pulls his knees up to his chest and lets go all fo the sadness from the last few days. 

[paradisobound]

I Want It, I Got It: Chapter 25

Summary: Phil Lester was a worker for the BBC in London. Working in the advertising department, he was content being alongside his friend and fellow coworker PJ during every shift. However, the BBC is temporarily being used as a film set for a new movie staring Hollywood ‘It’ star, Daniel Howell. Being stuck as an extra on the set, Phil finds it’s hard to ignore the famous star. And maybe, just maybe, Dan finds it hard to ignore Phil as well.

Word Count: 2.1k (this chapter)

Warnings: Occasional swearing

Rating: Explicit

Updates will be every Sunday around 1pm EST

**MASTERLIST | READ ON AO3 | WATTPAD**

Phil doesn’t bring up the Instastory to Dan. He let’s Dan remain asleep on his chest even though his heart is beating so fast that surely, Dan can feel it under his head. Phil texted Martyn back saying that he definitely did not see it and it made him feel a bit sick. 

He didn’t want to believe that Dan did it on purpose. A part of him tells him that he hopes that Dan was messing around and went to delete it and posted it instead. But another part was punching his gut and telling him that Dan posted that photo to get a rise out of everyone. He wanted people to to be tense about this. 

For many people, seeing Spike on Dan’s instastory was probably not even weird. They just assumed that maybe Dan adopted a dog or he was with a dog for emotional support. Dan did mention sometimes in interviews that he would go to specialized places for emotional support animals and sometimes hold the dogs for a bit and play with them. Maybe people assumed the same. 

But for other people, the hardcore stans of Dan and some even of Phil, they would recognize Spike from Phil’s Twitter and Instagram. They would recognize his blue collar and his distinct markings on his fur. There is no mistaking that that is Spike in Dan’s photo. 

And furthermore, the headlines on social media definitely are saying the same. 

Was this why PJ and Gemma were acting so weird earlier? Had they seen the post and both just never told Phil? Did they assume that Phil approved to the post? 

Phil’s head was swimming and he was finding it hard to form his thoughts coherently. 

Dan woke up a little before midnight, rubbing his eyes a bit before sitting up and rolling off from Phil and kneeling onto the floor next to the couch as he woke up. He then stood up and Phil just smiled at him and Dan gave him a strange look as he pushed his hair back down into place from being matted up. 

“You okay?” Dan asks. “Did I crush you while I was sleeping? You could have shoved me off. I wouldn’t have minded.” 

“It’s nothing.” Phil realizes after he spoke that his voice is tight and constricted. 

Dan furrowed his brows. “Okay, well now I definitely know something is wrong so tell me what’s up.” 

Phil sighed. “Why did you do it, Dan?” 

Dan’s face fell and Phil watches as his eyes glassed over. “Do what?” 

“Post that story on your Instagram!” Phil doesn’t know when his voice decided to rise in volume but the way Dan flinched told him he definitely was on the verge of yelling. He didn’t want to yell. He was just upset. 

“Phil, I meant nothing by that!” Dan quickly pushed. “I posted it as just a stupid thing. I can delete it, I promise!” 

“Everyone has seen it Dan!” Phil countered. “The media has seen it. The fans have seen it. Everyone knows that that is my dog in that Instastory.” 

“Phil, I wasn’t thinking…” 

“We said we were going to be more careful so we could have our privacy!” Phil interrupted. “And you broke it by posting that!” 

Phil looked at Dan and watched as a stray tear fell down his cheek and suddenly, he felt awful and his heart felt even more strained that it before. He immediately slipped off from the couch and kneeled next to Dan. 

“I’m sorry.” Dan whispered. “I didn’t think…” 

“I know.” Phil said, reaching up and placing his hand gently on Dan’s cheek. “I’m sorry for getting upset.” 

Dan shook his head and removed Phil’s hand from his cheek. “No, don’t apologize. I was a dumbass. You can just tell me that straight up.” He let out a watery sigh and reached up, wiping the unshed tears from under his eyes. “I probably just a made a giant fucking mess and Marianne is gonna kill me.” 

Dan reached down and pulled his phone out of his pocket and let out a loud sigh. “35 missed calls, all from Marianne.” He stood up and ran his hand through his hair. “I have to call her back and make some phone calls. I need someplace quiet.” 

Phil nodded and looked up at him. “You can take my room.” 

Dan nodded and flashed him a smile but Phil could tell how much this was bothering him now that he was witnessing the implications of something he thought was going to be a simple post. 

Dan shut the door behind him to the bedroom and Phil never heard a word that was said by him to Marianne or anyone else he was talking to. During the time he was on the phone, Phil took a shower and then let out Spike for one more sleepy bathroom break to the courtyard. 

He doesn’t know truly when Dan got off from the phone because he fell asleep on the couch. However, when he wakes up a short time later to his back aching, he hears the sound of sobs coming from his bedroom and it alarms him enough to wake up fully and rush in there. 

Seeing Dan curled into a ball on his bed, still in his clothing, hugging Spike to his chest as he cried was one of the saddest sights Phil has ever seen in his lifetime. He rushes over to the bed and climbs in behind Dan and wraps his arms around his middle and holds him close. 

Dan eventually cries himself to sleep but Phil remains awake until his alarm goes off for work. 

***

When Phil leaves for work, Dan is still asleep, completely exhausted from crying the night before. Phil didn’t get a chance to talk to him before he left but he did kiss Dan’s cheek before he left and tried to ignore how it was still a bit damp. 

When he gets to the BBC, he has paparazzi waiting for him and ignores them by pulling the collar of his jacket up past his face and hiding as he flashes his badge and runs into the building. 

PJ is already at his desk like always and Phil feels himself feel a bit more relaxed seeing it was just PJ this time and not Gemma. Despite it feeling a bit tense, he did appreciate being alone with PJ. 

There is a silence crossing over the room for the first hour of their shift as they each worked silently, but finally PJ spoke up and broke that. “I saw the Instastory.” 

“I guessed.” Phil said. “According to the article I found online last night, they were estimating millions of people had seen it.” 

“Did Dan realize what he was doing?” 

“I don’t know, Peej.” Phil said. “Dan was extremely upset when I brought it up to him but I really don’t think he realized what was going to happen.” 

“But why did he do it?” PJ questioned. 

Phil shrugged. 

“What are you two going to do?” 

“I don’t know.” Phil said. “I simply do not know what the fuck is going to happen and I don’t know what the future holds anymore.” 

PJ’s eyes widened as he turned in his chair and faced Phil. “You’re really going to be like that after everything you and Dan have gone through?” 

Phil leaned back in his chair and rubbed his eyes with the backs of his hands. “I don’t know, PJ. I just don’t know.” 

“I’ve never seen you like this before.” PJ began. “I’ve never seen you so ready to just throw your hands up and walk away from something. You were so sure about Dan but you’re actually saying you’re not sure about the future anymore.” 

“Because I really don’t know anymore, PJ.” Phil comments. “I don’t even know if I want to be here anymore.” 

“Here?” PJ questions. 

“The BBC.” 

“What?” PJ’s voice is suddenly higher pitched, definitely taken aback by Phil’s clarification of what he meant. 

“I might quit.” 

“And, I’m sorry, but do what?” PJ presses. 

“I want to work on YouTube more. I’ve been neglecting my fans because of the drama and because of The BBC and I kind of just want to start fresh and focus all of my time there.” 

“Are you doing this because of Dan?” 

Phil looks at him, furrowing his brows. “No!” 

“Are you sure that you’re not just wanting to give up working here so you have the ability to…galavant…with Dan wherever you want to?” 

“Don’t be ridiculous!” 

“I’m just asking, Phil.” PJ said. “Because you should listen to what you’re telling me right now. You’re considering giving up your entire career here for something like YouTube!” 

Phil rolled his eyes. “I don’t need this talk today, PJ.” He let out a sigh. “I know how it looks. I do. But I’m not happy here. I want to be able to go back and do what I always wanted to and that is YouTube.” 

PJ just nods at him and folds his arms over his chest. He doesn’t say anything right away and Phil swallows down the knot that had formed in his throat. “I just want you to be happy, Phil.” 

“I know.” 

“You’re my best friend.” 

“I know.” 

Pj rolled his chair over to Phil’s desk and rested his hands on the edge of it. “I just don’t want you to end up doing something you regret.” 

PJ’s words stuck with Phil the rest of the day. 

I don’t want you to end up doing something you regret. 

Phil hoped he didn’t either. 

He managed to get back to his flat with no paparazzi and no one calling for him. When he went to unlock the door, it suddenly opened and Dan nearly ran into him, in a rush to get wherever he needed to be. 

“Hey.” 

“Hey.” 

“I have to head out to meet up with Marianne. She took the first flight available to London and she just arrived and it going to her London based office right now.” 

“Oh okay.” 

“I’ll be back before it’s too late tonight, hopefully.” Dan says. “I took Spike out and cleaned your bedroom a bit since I cried all over your sheets last night.” 

Dan’s face flushed at that and Phil just shook his head. “You didn’t need to do that.” 

“I wanted to.” Dan said. He looked down at his phone and sighed. “I’m running late so I have to go now. My car is picking me up.” 

“Good luck.” 

Dan’s lips crack up in a smile and leans forward, pressing their lips together gently. 

Phil pecks his lips and then moves back and lets Dan rush past him as he throws up his hood and rushes to his black cab and gets inside. 

Phil walks into his flat and gives Spike his well deserved attention and then finds his feet carrying him to the bedroom. He laughs a bit at seeing how Dan really did redress the bed but he found it so endearing and nice that he just falls onto the comforter and is lulled into a nap not long after. 

***

Something was buzzing in Phil’s hip bone and it wasn’t pleasant. In fact, Phil kind of wants it to stop. He pushes his hand under his thigh and reaches around until he feels the buzzing object and picks it up, bringing it up to his eye-level. 

7 Missed Calls from: Dan 

6 Missed Calls from: Martyn 

10 Missed Calls from: Mum 

2 Texts from: PJ 

Phil was confused. What the fuck? 

His reaction was to call Dan so he immediately called Dan back. 

“OH MY GOD PHIL! WHY WEREN’T YOU ANSWERING?” 

Phil sits up in bed, his heart racing. “What is happening? Are you okay?” 

Dan sniffles on the other side and Phil feels his heart fall out of his body. Dan was crying? What was happening. 

“Phil, it’s over.” 

“What’s over?” 

“Phil…I…go on Twitter.” Dan sniffles a bit on the other end. 

Phil quickly takes his phone away from his ear and puts Dan on speaker phone as he shakily presses his thumb against the Twitter app. He goes under the headlines and moments and he audibly gasps. 

“Daniel Howell Spotted Sharing a Sweet Kiss with Boyfriend in London”. 

Underneath, there is a picture of him and Dan kissing on the doorstep of the building of his flat. 

[paradisobound]

I Want It, I Got It: Chapter 24

Summary: Phil Lester was a worker for the BBC in London. Working in the advertising department, he was content being alongside his friend and fellow coworker PJ during every shift. However, the BBC is temporarily being used as a film set for a new movie staring Hollywood ‘It’ star, Daniel Howell. Being stuck as an extra on the set, Phil finds it’s hard to ignore the famous star. And maybe, just maybe, Dan finds it hard to ignore Phil as well.

Word Count: 2.1k (this chapter)

Warnings: Occasional swearing

Rating: Explicit

Updates will be every Sunday around 1pm EST

**MASTERLIST | READ ON AO3 | WATTPAD**

Dan arrives to London just as everything is beginning to settle around them. Phil has never felt so grateful to have everything put behind him so he was able to move on and begin to live his normal life again. He never thought he would ever miss his average life of going to work, coming home to Spike, finishing his assignments, and posting YouTube videos. 

He’s already posted two of them, not the ones he promised before. But he filmed two news ones and posted them. They didn’t get as popular as his video with Dan, but looking at his twitter and his subscriber count said otherwise as he already has passed 2 million subscribers. 

He feels a bit more overwhelmed now. A bit more cautious about how he shows himself to everyone. Phil feels the need to cover himself when he goes on the Tube or order out food to his flat instead of go and get it. He’s even began asking PJ and Sophie and Martyn to come to his flat instead of him going to theirs. 

But hopefully now, with Dan here, everything will feel a bit more settled once again like it had in LA. 

Dan arrived really late in the night and he took a personal driver to Phil’s flat. When they were sure no one was looking at them or for them, Dan jumped out the car and ran inside Phil’s flat with his face covered. His driver brought his luggage to the door and Phil brought them inside. 

Now, just a few hours later, Dan was curled up on his bed, sleeping in the clothes he came here in. Phil was rolled on his side and smiling at him. Even though he knew Dan was stressed, he made it pretty clear when he fell onto his bed just soon as he arrived and asked for Spike to cuddle, in his sleeping form, he looked peaceful once again. 

Spike was currently the warm body laying between them, causing Phil to not actually cuddle Dan like he intended. Spike didn’t seem to keen on moving either. When Phil tried to nudge him down the bed a bit, Spike just growled and refused to move so Phil left him. 

It was nearly 4am and Phil could feel his eyelids beginning to droop a bit. He knew he had work in the morning but that didn’t matter anymore because ehe knew when he got back, he’d have Dan waiting for him. His premiere is this weekend and he needs to go a few fittings for his tux before then, but he says he has that covered so Phil doesn’t worry. 

Phil shuts his eyes and rolls a little bit closer. Spike huffs in annoyance and sprawls out a bit more, his stubby legs kicking Phil in the stomach. Phil chuckles to himself and relaxes, willing himself to sleep now that Dan was snoring softly next to him. 

***

“My manager told me this was a bad move.” 

Dan’s sitting on Phil’s bed, eating the bowl of cereal that Phil had made for him. Phil offered to make him scrambled eggs but Dan said he needed sugar so Phil gave him Frosties instead. He was trying to get ready for work, but Dan was making it difficult. He had asked to shower first so Phil let him and then he waltzed back into the room completely naked and sat down on Phil’s bed with just a towel covering his waist now. 

“What was a bad move?” Phil asked, running his hands through his freshly dried hair, putting gel into it to push it into his quiff. 

“Staying at your flat.” Dan says, bringing up a spoonful to his mouth. 

“Why was it a bad move?” 

Dan swallows and sets his bowl down on Phil’s bedside table. “Marianne said that it’s gonna end badly if the paparazzi figure out where I am. It’ll look bad if they discover I’m staying at your flat.” 

“But you should be allowed to stay where you want to?” Phil says, opening up his closet doors and grabbing his jean jacket from its hanger. 

“And I am.” Dan countered. “But we’ll just have to be careful.” 

Phil nods and begins to speak just as his phone alarm goes off and tells him that he has just 5 minutes before he has to leave for work. He lets out a sigh and turns off the alarm. He turns to Dan and walks over to the bed, leaning down to give him a kiss. 

Dan reciprocates with no hesitation. It’s just a quick peck, much different from the kisses they shared when Dan first arrived. Phil pulls away and then walks over to the door, ready to leave. “I have to get going.” 

“That’s fine.” Dan says. “I have an appointment with my designer for my tux in a few hours so I need to get ready too.” 

“I should be back around like four.” Phil says, bending down on his way out to pet Spike who was sitting on the floor. “Do you want me to pick up food when I’m out for dinner?” 

“You can.” Dan says, stepping out of the room with his half-ate bowl of cereal. “I’m up for anything.” 

Phil flashes him a smile and moves to kiss him one more time. After a few shared kisses, he determined he was going to be late if he didn’t get going so he grabbed his backpack and left. 

As Phil walked to the tube station, he had to admit that he felt like he was cloud 9 right now. But even more than that, it also felt like he and Dan were acting like a proper couple who lived together. He got Dan a spare key to his flat so he could come and go as he pleased. He also trusts Dan with full control over everything inside the flat and Spike as well. 

Spike has already grown really fond of Dan which Phil is so happy about. He knew Spike was a loveable little guy and that he loved every person he met, but he was still nervous about having Dan being in the flat. But Spike was completely fine with Dan and Phil is even a bit jealous since Spike seems to want to spend all of the time with Dan when he is around. 

At the BBC, PJ was already at his desk when he walked in and Gemma was sitting with him, a chair pulled up to the side. They were talking close to each other, almost like gossiping, and as soon as Phil sat down his backpack and unzipped it, they both peaked their heads up at him. 

Phil felt a bit weird about it, but he didn’t question it. If PJ and Gemma were having a private conversation, he wasn’t one to butt in and try and figure out what they were talking about. However, the way that they kept looking at him every so often gave him the uneasy, sinking feeling that they were talking about him. 

Eventually, PJ caved and looked up and spoke up to him. “Did Dan get in alright?” He asked. 

Phil looked up from his laptop and nodded. “Yeah, he got in sometime last night.” He answers. 

“That’s good! Glad he wasn’t bombarded or anything at the airport.” PJ says, leaning back in his chair and Gemma following suit in hers. 

“What are you really wanting to ask, Peej?” Phil asked. “I know you want to ask something.” 

PJ shook his head. “Oh, no. I actually don’t have anything I really want to say other than I just hope that you guys can have your privacy.” 

“Me too.” Phil finds himself saying as he swallows the knot in his throat. 

“You two deserve it.” Gemma chimes in. “I know I wasn’t the easiest person to talk to when you first came back to work after your first rendezvous with Dan but…you two deserve happiness and you two deserve to have your privacy like anyone else.” 

Phil was actually really flushed to hear that. Gemma was right when she said that she hadn’t been the easiest to be around but that was completely true. Phil called it jealousy that he was growing closer to Dan and she still had a crush on him. But there were days when he’d walk into the office and she would leave and not say a word to him. Other days, she would ask him about what Dan smelled like―Phil always said warm, which was weird, but Phil understood in a weird way. 

Gemma had began to open up to him again the last week or so and Phil was okay with grateful for that because even though they were never more than just co-workers, he didn’t like the idea of someone close to him being upset that he was dating Dan. 

They eventually all ended up in a conversation about their new projects that they were working on and Phil mentioned how he posted a new video to his YouTube channel. Both Gemma and PJ seemed interested in that so he spent a good portion of their morning showing them his video and promoting his channel to them. 

For lunch, they all went out to get lunch together at the closest Costa and then they brought it back to the office and continued their conversations. Phil ended up telling PJ and Gemma about how Dan had his big movie premiere in a few nights and it worried him because this was Dan’s first official step into the spotlight since their paparazzi problems. 

By the end of their shifts, they all clocked out and left and went their own ways for the night. Phil told PJ he would let him know if Dan was down for dinner one night with him and Sophie. 

On the way back to his flat, Dan had texted him and told him he was running a bit behind at his designers studio for his fitting and he might be a couple hours later than normal getting back. Phil didn’t mind so he got back to the flat and began to prepare a dinner with some of the food he had in his fridge. 

With Spike running around his feet, he eventually ended up with some pasta dish with pre-packaged sauce that he warmed up in a pot. But he put all of it together and when Dan got back to his flat, his hoodie up and his sunglasses on, Phil couldn’t miss the smile on his face when he smelled the food. 

“Did you cook?” Dan asked, shucking off his backpack onto Phil’s couch and unzipping his hoodie, shrugging it off as well. He stepped up to the kitchen and grabbed one of the plates that Phil had prepared. “You didn’t have to do this.” 

“I wanted to.” Phil says. “I never cooked enough on my own and now I have you here so I thought this is as good of a time as any.” 

Dan walked over to him and kissed him on the cheek, his lips pressing firmly on his skin. “Thank you.” Dan whispers. “I’ve never had a boyfriend cook me dinner before.” 

“Never?” 

Dan shook his head. “Gonna be honest, Phil. I’ve never had a boyfriend care about me as much as you do and at times, it throws me off but most of the time, I love it so much.” 

Phil puts his arm around Dan’s waist and pulls him close, pressing a kiss to his lips. When they separated, they made their way to his breakfast bar and sat down and ate their dinner. When they were done, Phil took care of the dishes by rinsing them off in the sink and then leaving for tomorrow. 

He was feeling a bit tired. It probably had to do with the fact that he didn’t sleep well the night before. He stayed up waiting for Dan and then once Dan was here, he was too busy looking at him to want to shut his eyes and not see him anymore. 

Dan seemed tired too. As they were resting on the couch, Dan had begun to fall asleep so Phil settled back and let Dan fall asleep on his chest under a blanket that was wrapped around them. Spike laid on the end of the couch, curled up and sleeping as well. 

Phil had the anime that they were watching playing softly in the background and his eyes were beginning to shut too when his phone went off on the side of the couch and jolted him up. Dan groaned a bit in his sleep but then pressed further onto Phil’s chest and snuggled back down. Phil looked at the message and he read it was from his brother. 

Martyn: Did you know about this? 

Phil opens up the message with the image attached and it’s a screenshot taken from Dan’s Instagram story that said it was posted 13 hours ago. It was a photo of Dan with Spike, clearly laying in Phil’s bed, with the caption “My new snuggle buddy”. 

[paradisobound]

I Want It, I Got It: Chapter 23

Summary: Phil Lester was a worker for the BBC in London. Working in the advertising department, he was content being alongside his friend and fellow coworker PJ during every shift. However, the BBC is temporarily being used as a film set for a new movie staring Hollywood ‘It’ star, Daniel Howell. Being stuck as an extra on the set, Phil finds it’s hard to ignore the famous star. And maybe, just maybe, Dan finds it hard to ignore Phil as well.

Word Count: 2.6k (this chapter)

Warnings: Occasional swearing

Rating: Explicit

Updates will be every Sunday around 1pm EST

**MASTERLIST | READ ON AO3 | WATTPAD**

“I don’t know if I can do this.” 

Phil rubs the inside of his eyes with his fingers and lets out a long, drawn out sigh. 

“It’ll be okay, Phil.” Dan says, his voice gentle on the other end of the line. “I’ve talked with Marianne and she’s working on getting all stories surrounding us pulled from news sites and TV news. I also am working closely with my publicist who is telling me that you shouldn’t post our videos we filmed together on YouTube right now until this all moves on.” 

Phil groans and rubs his hand over his face, tugging at the skin. “Is this going to be a mess?” 

Dan sighs, his voice crackling a bit through the receiver. “Probably a bit but…we’ll get it sorted.” 

“I hope so.” 

“I know that it’s hard right now but just…please don’t go on social media. My publicist wants me to issue a statement so I’m going to but I won’t say anything about us. I promise.” 

Phil’s heart picks up its beating and he feels like he’s going to sick all over the floor. Spike takes note of his sudden tension and climbs onto the couch, fitting into his lap and curling into a ball on his thighs. He reaches down and runs his fingers through his fur, comforting himself. 

“What are you going to say?” Phil asks, feeling his voice crack a bit. 

“I’m just going to ask for privacy and I’m going to ask for the media to basically stop.” 

“Is that going to work?” Phil asks. He can’t help but have doubts. 

“Hopefully.” Dan says. “I know what you feel though…I’m pretty upset by all of this too.” 

“We should have expected it.” Phil says and he’s not sure who he’s even saying it to: Dan or himself. 

“Of course but that doesn’t make it easier.” 

“I know.” 

Dan sighs. “I’m gonna be honest, Phil. I’m not sure what to do.” 

“Me either.” 

“I’ve spoken to every possible person on my side and the only thing we can do at this point is release some statements or try and keep quiet.” 

“I know.” 

“Fuck.” Dan exclaimed, followed by the sound of something heavy falling in the background. “Oh my god!” 

“Dan?” Phil asked, his voice suddenly rising. Spike whimpered on his lap and he ran his hands through his fur to calm him down. “What’s going on?” 

“This is actually unbelievable!” 

“What is?” 

“Phil, I just got word that I’ve been casted as Christopher Robin in a new live-action adaptation of Winnie the Pooh!” 

Phil felt his stomach fall to the ground. He doesn’t know why, but the news of that causes his stomach to knot even more. “That’s amazing!” 

“Phil, I literally―Oh my fucking god, this could not have come at a better timing! I needed something like this today. You have no idea. I auditioned for this role like four months ago and they gave me a call back and I went and I thought I totally fucked my chances but oh my God.” 

“I’m really glad that everything worked out.” Phil says. “I hope it all works out for us too…” 

“We’ll figure this out, Phil.” Dan says, his voice wavering a bit over the speaker. “Together.” 

“Promise?” 

“Promise.” 

“I’m going to draft my statement and then have it be approved by Marianne. I’ll text you when I’m about to post it but if I were you, I’d delete social media for the foreseeable future.” 

Phil nodded his head. 

He said his goodbye’s to Dan not long after. Dan was coming to London soon anyway and hopefully when they’re together, they can get this figured out a bit more than it is right now. Because right now, Phil is feeling like this is going to be a disaster in waiting. 

He’d spoken to his mum about it some more but it didn’t end up helping in the long run when his mum just kept telling him they should hire him someone who can help. Phil didn’t want that. He just wanted the drama to be fixed. He wanted to be left alone but right now, he can’t even go to the park without being noticed. 

In his wildest dreams, he has thought about living a life like this. But for Phil, this life was because he was a famous YouTuber, not a famous movie star. However, after being around Dan for as long as he has, he’s realized pretty quickly he doesn’t want this. 

Phil doesn’t turn the TV back on that night, nor does he even pick up his laptop. He’s running behind on his assignments for the BBC and it’s quite sad for him to feel like he doesn’t even care. He doesn’t care if his assignments are late. He doesn’t care he if even finishes them at all. 

He just wants to be left alone. 

Sometime that night, his doorbell goes off. It scares him half to death but he climbs up from the couch and makes his way over, peering out the peephole. His brother is stood on the other side, holding a large pizza box in his hand. 

Phil opens the door slowly and steps aside so Martyn can come in. “Mum rung me like an other ago. She wanted me to make sure you’re okay so I brought some pizza from Dominos since I know you like to eat that when you’re stressed.” 

Phil feels his lips curl into a smile. “What kind did you get?” 

“Well,” Martyn says, walking past Phil to set the pizza down on his breakfast bar. “Dominos got rid of the sizzler so I ended up just getting pepperoni.” 

Phil opens the box and is immediately salivating over the smell of greasy pizza and plastic cheese. He didn’t even realize he hadn’t ate the entire day until he was suddenly reaching for a slice and nearly inhaling it down in the process. 

“So tell me what’s going on.” Martyn says. “Brother to brother. Friend to friend.” 

“Dan and I officially began our relationship when I was in the US.” Phil says. 

“Oh, that’s brilliant!” 

“Well, yeah, but it’s also not.” Phil says. “Because paparazzi are following us everywhere and we literally cannot go anywhere without be ambushed. Just this afternoon, I was met with a pap in the park with Spike, taking photos of me and yelling after me to tell him about Dan.” 

“What did you say?” Martyn asked, taking a bite of his slice. 

“I didn’t say anything to them.” Phil says. “I just ran off.” 

“Did you tell Dan about it?” Martyn presses. “Mum said she told you to contact him.” 

“I talked to him this afternoon.” 

“And what did Dan say about it?” 

“He’s working with his own team to clear everything up.” Phil says. “But it doesn’t matter because nothing will change.” 

“But isn’t that what you signed up for when you began to pursue Dan?” Martyn pressed. 

“Don’t start acting like mum.” 

“I’m not meaning to.” Martyn paused and Phil looked at his brother. “I just mean that you clearly decided that you wanted to be Dan so isn’t it not all that shocking that all of this is happening? Like, Dan’s name has been the source of headlines all over the world for the past three years.” 

“I know.” Phil says. He set’s down his pizza slice onto his plate and pushes it aside. He doesn’t feel hungry anymore, just sick and a bit greasy. “But Dan isn’t like that.” 

“Like what?” 

“He’s not that typical celebrity figure that everyone thinks he is. He hates being in the tabloids and he actively hides to try and get away. You should have seen how much he panicked even going out to get food. He normally gets his manager to pick him up something instead and bring it to his house. He also wears sunglasses and hoodies in public to try and hide but they always notice him. We went into a restaurant for a few moments and every person was staring at him. It made him so uncomfortable that he left and told me to order his food for him.” Phil feels winded when he’s done speaking. “Do you know what any of what I said means?” 

Martyn nods, but doesn’t say anything right away. 

Phil picks up his slice of pizza and takes another bite, willing himself to keep it down despite his body protesting a bit. Martyn continues to eat in silence as well and the tension in the air is pulled tight like a rubber band about to snap. Spike comes over sometime in the middle of this silence and Phil bends down and hands him a tiny bite of the pizza. 

“You’re really smitten with Dan, aren’t you?” 

Phil looks up at Martyn. “What do you mean?” 

“You seem to know so much about him and care about him more than you’ve cared about anyone else in a while. You’re quick to defend him and to state his story. You’re really gone for him.” 

Phil blushes because everything that Martyn says in true. “I know I am.” 

“Are we going to have a new Lester in the family one day?” 

Phil shrugs and refuses to answer. Martyn lets out a laugh and Phil chuckles as well. The tension in his stomach unknots and he feels a lot better now about everything. He finishes off two more slices of pizza and then he and Martyn watch some anime on his TV. 

***

Dan: I posted the statement

Dan: Marianne checked to make sure I didn’t have any typos 

Phil wakes up to those messages on his phone screen. It takes him a moment to adjust to being awake, grabbing his glasses in the meantime. He puts them on and reads the screen again and feels his heart pick up pace a little bit. 

He sees that Dan sent him a screenshot of his tweet with the statement and he looks it over, reading it carefully. 

“I don’t say this enough but I wanted to make it clear that I would like for my private life to remain private. It is hard to maintain a balance between being in public and also being in my private time. I ask that my privacy be respected in these times and I ask that news stations consult with me before running anything about me or the people I’m associated with. If my private life continues to be a source of news for many people, I will consider taking legal action. Thank you, Daniel” 

Phil doesn’t know what to think reading it over. Should he have a reaction? 

Phil throws his phone to the side. 

He gets up slowly and let’s Spike out for a bathroom break before he takes a shower and get’s ready for work. 

At the BBC, he keeps to himself the entire day. He doesn’t speak even with PJ. He finds it easier to just work on what he needs to and then leave at the time he’s supposed to. 

When he leaves the BBC after work is over, he’s met with paparazzi outside the building. Phil should have known that would happen. He keeps his head low and he fights his way through them until he reaches the other side and makes a beeline for his tube station. 

He stops and picks up food at the Sainsbury’s across the street from his flat and when he gets back to his flat, he lays down on his couch with Spike and cuddles him. His phone has a few messages on it from PJ, his mum, and a few from Dan. But he can’t bring himself up to actually answering any of them. He finds himself in a funk of not wanting to go through all of this. 

Phil opens his laptop up a few hours later. On his screen is a little window saying that his video was done exporting―the assumptions video that he filmed with Dan in LA. Dan told him that his publicist told him not to post the video, but something inside of himself tells him to post it anyway. 

Beside him, his phone begins to vibrate for a phone call and he looks down and sees Dan’s photo pop up the screen. It’s a photo Phil took of Dan in LA, when they were lying in bed one night. He looked so angelic, so peaceful. But yet, the smile on his voice showed happiness like Phil has never seen before. 

He picks up his phone and answers it, putting it on speaker. 

“You haven’t answered me all day,” Dan says, his voice wavering a bit. “Are you okay?” 

Phil pinches the bridge of his nose. “Going to be honest, not really.” 

“I kind of figured,” Dan says. “I’m not either.” Dan pauses and silence fills the room once again. “I just wanted us to be able to have a normal relationship, ya know? Going on dates, having cute little adventures.” 

“We still can.” Phil says, feeling his voice waver and his eyes water. “I want to have all of that with you.” 

“Let’s run away together.” Dan says, his voice light. “Let’s just go off the radar and live together on some remote island.” 

“Honestly, do not tempt me.” 

“We could live in a little beach cottage with Spike and we could grow our own food and live off the land.” Dan continues. “Just you and me, forever.” 

“I love the sound of that.” Phil says, shutting his laptop and turning onto his side.

“Of what?” 

“Just you and me forever.” 

He can almost hear Dan’s smile through the speaker. “One day it will be.” Dan says. “But for right now. We just have to make it past all of this. We just have to keep fighting the tabloids and the paparazzi. You and I can do it. We’ll get past all of this.” 

“I know we will.” 

“Remember what we promised each other when we were in LA?” Dan asks, his voice having gone soft. “We promised that we’d never give up on each other.” 

“I still promise that.” 

“Me too.” Dan agrees. “Which is why I just wanted to remind you that we can do it. We can overcome all of this together.”

“I can’t wait to have you here with me again.” Phil says. “I can’t wait to hold you in my arms and never let you go.” 

“Just two more weeks. Two more weeks and I’ll be here for a film premiere.” 

“I can’t wait that long.” 

“Me either, but we have to.” Dan says, a chuckle ending his words. “I also can’t wait to see Spike.” 

At the mentions of his name, Spike’s head perks up and he lets out a surprised yelp. Phil chuckles and Dan does too. 

They talk for the rest of the night, just him and Dan. They talk about the future, and how they both want to eventually live somewhere secluded in a house with a fence around it. Dan wanted a dog for Spike to play with and they somehow came to the agreement about a Shiba Inu. Before the night was over, they were discussing kids. And although that thought would always scare Phil before, talking with Dan about how many kids they both wanted with oddly comforting. 

When Dan hung up because he needed to get ready for a party, Phil was nearly falling asleep. But he wouldn’t have had his evening any other way. He just has to make it these two more weeks and hopefully everything can get figured out. 

[paradisobound]

I Want It, I Got It: Chapter 21

Summary: Phil Lester was a worker for the BBC in London. Working in the advertising department, he was content being alongside his friend and fellow coworker PJ during every shift. However, the BBC is temporarily being used as a film set for a new movie staring Hollywood ‘It’ star, Daniel Howell. Being stuck as an extra on the set, Phil finds it’s hard to ignore the famous star. And maybe, just maybe, Dan finds it hard to ignore Phil as well.

Word Count: 4k (this chapter)

Warnings: Occasional swearing and explicit sexual content 

Rating: Explicit 

Updates will be every Sunday around 1pm EST

**MASTERLIST | READ ON AO3 | WATTPAD**

“I leave tomorrow.” 

“I know.” 

They’re sat next to Dan’s pool, the sun burning down onto them. It was hotter than Phil was expecting for a mid March day but he wasn’t going to complain since London is way colder. 

“I don’t want to leave.” 

Dan turns on his side on the lounge chair and lets out a slow smile. “I don’t want you to go either.” 

“I wish Louise gave me more time off than just a week.” 

“You should just quit…” Dan says. “And then stay here with me for a while and then we can go back to London and…” 

“I can’t.” Phil says. “I can’t quit the BBC.” 

“Well, I know that.” Dan says. “But I wish we could spend more time together.” 

“We’ll just have to make up for it today.” 

Dan let out a laugh and sat up in his chair, throwing off the tank top he was wearing and letting it land on the side of his chair. “Let’s go swimming.” 

Suddenly, Dan was pushing down his shorts and was stood naked on the edge of the pool. Phil sputtered but sat up slowly as Dan jumped into the pool and submerged himself before coming up to the side and pushing his water slicked curls off from his face. “You coming?” 

“Like skinny dip?” 

Dan nodded. 

Phil stood up from the chair and slowly undressed, still feeling a bit insecure at being so out in the open. He’s never done something like this before but there was something about Dan that was made him do things he wouldn’t normally do. 

He walked to the edge and slowly jumped in, feeling the cool water hit his skin. He swam his way back up to the surface and was met by Dan laughing at him. 

“What type of jump was that, old man?” 

“Old man?” Phil teased. “I’m not that much older than you.” 

“Hmmm?” Dan said, swimming over to Phil and wrapping his arms around Phil’s neck. “Maybe you’ve been lying about your age to me?” 

Phil scoffed. “Maybe you have been?” 

“Oh you’re right. I’m really a 53 year old undercover cop.” 

Phil threw his head back and let out laugh. “I would never believe that one.” 

Dan pouted. “Oh am I not manly enough to be 53 and a cop?” 

“Sorry, baby, but no.” 

Phil doesn’t know where the pet name came from but he watched Dan’s face for any signs of discomfort or just general dislike. But instead, Dan’s face lit up and his lips went back into the curve of a smile. “Oh, so I’m ‘baby’ now?” 

“If you like it?” 

Dan snorted. “It’s a tad bit cheesy but I’ll allow it.” He paused. “As long as I get to call you old man.” 

Phil let out a loud laugh and pushed away from Dan to splash him. 

Phil doesn’t know how long they spent in the pool but majority of their time was spent splashing each other and messing around until Dan complained that he was hungry and wanted to go get food. 

They both dried off and redressed in Dan’s room before Dan called for a driver to take them downtown to this place that Dan said he was craving food from in this place called The Grove. 

Phil thought that they were going to just grab food and leave like they had the other night but Dan insisted that he wanted to dine in and not take the food back to his house again. 

Phil was a bit unsure of this but he went with it anyway. 

Phil didn’t catch the place they walked in to but Dan just flashed him a smile before he went up to the hostess, who nearly fainted when she saw him, and requested a table for two. 

They were sat down in this very private corner of the restaurant and given the menus and Phil felt a bit uneasy at how literally every face in the place was turned and staring at Dan, who was sat away from them. 

“Just ignore them.” Dan mumbled, looking down at his menu. “They’re probably going to come and all ask for picture so it’s easier to ignore them right now―.” 

“Dan!” 

A group of teenage girls came running over to their table and stood beside it as Dan jumped and Phil just sat trying to ignore them. 

“Can we get pictures with you?” 

Dan let out a fake smile, Phil could tell, and then stood up slowly and took a few photos with them. He sat back down and Phil could see him pulling the hood of his sweatshirt up a bit more around his neck, almost as if to hide himself. 

“Are you okay?” 

Dan looked up and nodded slowly before he turned his head to look over his shoulder. “Let’s get our food to go.” Dan said softly. “Can you take my order up to the hostess?” 

Dan pointed out this chicken sandwich on the menu and Phil took a mental note of it as Dan put his hood up and walked out of the restaurant. He moved slowly, picking up the menus, feeling a deep pang of sadness in his chest. Dan shouldn’t have to completely leave a restaurant because he doesn’t feel comfortable it. That’s just not how it should be. 

Dan should feel free to eat wherever he wants. 

Phil went up to the hostess and asked to get a couple of order to go. She took his order and then as he stood back and waited, he went on Twitter to check out what was happening since he hadn’t been on in a while and already, TMZ was hosting a Twitter moment. 

DANIEL HOWELL SPOTTED WITH YOUTUBER PHIL LESTER IN THE GROVE IN LOS ANGELES OUT TO LUNCH 

Phil felt like he was going to be sick. His appetite for his food was already gone and he really didn’t even want to pick up the food anymore. 

His order was done soon enough and he walking out with the bag. Dan was stood off to the side, his hood up and a pair of sunglasses covering his eyes again. Phil walked over to him and Dan lowered them slowly. His eyes looked sad, and discouraged. “I just thought maybe it would be fine to go to lunch but…Twitter already has photos of us.” 

“I saw.” 

Dan let out a loud sigh. “I just wanted to go to lunch, Phil. But this is what I mean. I can’t go anywhere without people staring at me and taking photos of me. I can’t go anywhere without having people coming up to me. I can’t go anywhere without people sending my photos to TMZ.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

Dan shrugs. “There’s nothing you can do.” He says softly. “But my driver is picking us back up so let’s just go find him.” 

Phil wanted to protest. He wanted to give Dan his food and then find somewhere to eat where there weren’t many people, but still out in the sun. And he wanted to watch Dan’s skin become sun kissed, glowing in the rays. 

“Why don’t we go and find a secluded place to eat instead?” 

Dan looked up from the ground and looked at him. “What?” 

“Come on, let’s go and find a place to eat by ourselves.” 

Phil went to reach for Dan’s hand but he soon realized he definitely could not take his hand in his. Phil immediately stopped the movement of his hand and put it back to his side. 

“That’s not a good idea, Phil.” Dan whispered, his voice a bit on edge. “We’re still going to be spotted.” 

“There isn’t much we can do though, right?” Phil pressed. “So come on, let’s go and enjoy our food like how we were going to.” He paused and bit his lip. 

Phil was expecting Dan to protest harder, tell Phil that he wouldn’t do it. But instead, Dan looked around and then looked back at Phil. “I think there is a sitting area around here.” 

Phil followed Dan, trying to ignore the murmurs of the people around them and the way cellphones were poised up in the air, ready to snap all of these photos. But he swallowed back the bile in his throat and followed Dan to this secluded area away from most sight and they took a seat at a vacant bench. It wasn’t the most ideal eating place, but Phil will take it. 

He placed the bag between them and Dan reached into it, picking out his container first before handing Phil his. He opened it slowly and began to eat a few of the fries that came with his sandwich. Phil could see he was being cautious, and he felt even worse about it. 

“Did I pressure you?” 

Dan looked up from his paper box of food and stopped mid-bite. “No.” Dan said. “I honestly would have never felt okay enough to find somewhere else to go. If I was all alone, I would have just left and probably cried at my house.” 

“So you’re okay with us just sitting here and eating?” 

Dan nodded. “I have to slowly face all of this eventually, right? What’s a better way to do it than with you?” 

The sincerity in Dan’s voice made Phil’s heart melt and he had the urge to lean in and kiss him. But they were too open, too exposed. So he just opened his box and picked up one half of his sandwich. 

They ate mostly in peace and as far as Phil could tell, no one really bothered them. Dan finished his food first and waited for Phil to be done before they both got up, a bit relieved that they didn’t see or hear any more of the whispering around them. 

Their driver picked them up a short time later and took them back to Dan’s house where Dan insisted they go lay by the pool for the while and Phil followed, just wanting to spend as much time with Dan as he could before he left the following morning. 

***

“Marianne texted me.” 

Phil looked at Dan from across the couch. Rain had begun just a short time before and as rare as it was for California, Dan and Phil did not feel like sitting outside in it. 

“About?” 

Dan sighed and leaned his head back against the back of his couch. “She’s not happy that we went to The Grove.” 

Phil felt his nostrils flare a bit. “But you wanted to go there?” 

“I know.” Dan said, his voice defeated. “But I should have also known that anytime I go there, paparazzi is going to spot me and people are going to take creep shots of me. It’s inevitable.” 

“So you’re not even allowed to go anywhere without getting Marianne’s permission?” Phil found that a bit incredulous but he also wouldn’t be entirely surprised if that was the case. 

“Not exactly.” Dan began to clarify. “It’s just that I was spotted with you.” 

“And that’s a bad thing?” 

Dan let out another long sigh that was followed by a loud, frustrated groan. He reached up and pushed his curls from his forehead and rubbed his hands over his eyes before tipped his head back down and looked at Phil again. 

“It shouldn’t be but it is because everyone can’t wait to find out who Daniel Howell’s new boyfriend is…just look at some of these tweets.” 

Phil scooted closer to Dan on the couch and looked over his shoulder at his phone screen. 

@lindsey_01: ummmmm I think I just spotted Daniel Howell at the grove? 

@danielstopfans: to@lindsey_01 Oh that’s definitely him! 

@dansleftfoot: OMFG IS HE WITH PHIL 

@dansleftfoot: GUYS OUR SHIP IS FUCKING CANON. PHAN IS CANON. HE’S WITH PHIL AT THE GROVE EATING LUNCH 

There were more that Dan scrolled down by but those were the ones that caught Phil’s eyes. “I just want us to have our privacy for a bit longer.” 

Phil looks into Dan’s eyes and nods. “Me too.” 

“Call me selfish, but I just want to have you to myself. Especially right now when I don’t even know the next time I’ll see you.” 

Phil heard the little catch in Dan’s voice as he spoke and the small glimmer of tears in his eyes. He reached up and placed his hand on Dan’s chin, feeling it quiver a bit under his touch. “We’ll see each other soon.” 

“Promise me.” Dan says, his voice wavering a bit. 

Phil sees the beginning of a tear leak from his eyes and he reaches up, and wipes it away with his thumb. “I promise.” 

Dan leaned forward and pressed their lips together, locking them in place with such practiced ease. Phil had said it so many times before to himself but he’d never get sick of this, of feeling Dan’s lips against his own. 

Dan pulled back, breaking the kiss and as Phil leaned forward to reconnect their lips with an urgency, Dan stopped him and ghosted their lips together, barely touching. “Can I ask something?” Dan whispered. 

“Of course.” 

“Will you make love to me?” 

Phil felt his breath hitch. He opened his eyes, not even realizing they were still closed and looked back into Dan’s, brown meeting blue. 

He nodded and Dan’s arms came up and wrapped around Phil’s neck as their lips pressed together again, more heat behind them. Phil found himself standing up with Dan still attached to him. 

They managed to walk to the staircase and up the stairs before they ended up in Dan’s room. Dan shut the door behind them with his foot as Phil worked his mouth down Dan’s neck, kissing and sucking onto the delicate skin like he knew Dan liked. 

Dan backed him up to his bed and the backs of his knees hit the soft fabric behind them. He fell backwards and Dan crawled over him, straddling his hips. 

Phil pushed his hands down, caressing the soft sides of Dan’s body as he found his way underneath Dan’s shirt and pushed up. Dan continued to connect their lips in heated kisses as Phil yanked at the hem of his shirt. Dan pulled away long enough for Phil to throw his shirt off to the side before reaching down between them and yanking his own off as well. 

Dan sat back on Phil’s hips and Phil could have sworn that he’s never seen something as beautiful as Dan sitting there, his skin flushed and his lips red. He reached up, running his hands down Dan’s sides as Dan shivered and his hips jutted forward. 

As their hips connected, Phil let out a groan and Dan threw his head back with a whimper. He was already hard, his cock needing some sort of pressure and touch. “Fuck.” Dan whimpered, tipping his head back down. “Fuck, can you move up to the headboard? I want to suck you off.” 

Phil nodded quickly and Dan climbed off from his lap. As Phil shuffled back on the bed, he removed his pants and threw his bottoms off to the side, his cock jutting out and landing against his stomach. 

He looked up and saw Dan, stood on the side of the bed, digging through his nightstand as he pulled out a condom and a small bottle of lube, tossing it on the bed. 

Phil watched Dan undress the rest of the way and then climb back onto the bed, moving between Phil’s legs and pressing them apart. 

“I love your cock.” Dan says and Phil feel his cheeks flush. “I’ve honestly never said that but like, I literally cannot get over it.” Dan chuckles to himself. “It’s going to feel so amazing inside of me.” 

He took the head of Phil’s cock into his mouth and Phil threw his head back, seeing stars. It was just as amazing as the first time Dan did this. Dan was just so good at it and there was just no way he would ever get over it. 

Phil watched Dan slowly sink down and when he felt the head of his cock hit the back of Dan’s throat, his eyes rolled back and he groaned. No one had ever taken him this deep before. 

His stomach coiled from the pleasure and he felt the heat begin to rise. He didn’t know what it was but there was something about Dan that was making him turn into his teenage self who couldn’t last at all. 

Dan came back up and pulled off, sucking in a breath as he stroked Phil, his hand moving fluidly over him. “I’m not going to last if you keep doing that.” 

“You can come if you need to.” 

“No.” Phil shakes his head. “Because if I do, it’s over.” 

“Forgot that you’re an old man.” Dan said with a laugh as he leaned back down and licked a stripe up Phil’s length that left Phil grabbing the sheets next to him and curling his toes. 

Dan sat back and rolled onto his back next to Phil, reaching over and grabbing the lube and condom from the side of the bed. “Do you want to stretch me or would you rather have me do it?” 

Phil looked down at Dan and moved to hover of him. He reached down and placed his hand on Dan’s thigh and gently stroked. “I’d love to do it.” 

“Mmm your fingers are going to feel so good.” 

Phil sat back and grabbed the lube from Dan and opened the bottle, squeezing a little bit onto his fingers to warm it up. 

“Go slow.” Dan suddenly said, reaching up and putting his hand flat against Phil’s shoulder. “It’s…it's been a lot longer than I care to admit.” 

Phil hesitated. “A long time since you’ve bottomed or since you’ve been with someone? Because I can bottom…”

Dan shook his head. “I just haven’t had sex with someone in a long time. I actually prefer to bottom but I’m down to switch if you ever want to.” 

Phil nodded. “I just want to be sure.” 

Dan smiled at him. “I’m sure.” 

Phil leant down and pressed a soft kiss to Dan’s lips, much less heated than before. His hand slowly wandered further and further down until he pressed his fingertips against Dan’s rim and Dan let out a slight hiss. 

Phil pulled back and Dan nodded as Phil slipped in the first finger. Dan was really tight. But he wasn’t tense. Phil slowly moved his finger in and out and felt Dan loosen around him and relax. 

Before long, he was given the go ahead to push in a second finger so he did and Dan whimpered and groaned at the new stretch. 

Phil loved this. He loved looking and Dan and seeing him come apart on his fingers. He just felt so amazing and the way his soft walls hugged his fingers made his cock twitch at the thought of being buried inside of there. 

Dan soon grew impatient and Phil pulled his fingers out as gently as he could while stroking Dan’s cock slowly with his opposite hand. Phil sat back on his heels and reached for the condom, ripping it open with his teeth and wincing at the sharp taste that came from it. 

He could hear Dan laugh a bit at his expression but he just pulled out the latex and rolled it down his cock before grabbing the lube and coating himself. He leaned forward, pressing a kiss against Dan’s neck before he lined himself up and pushed in slowly. 

Dan’s hands came up and gripped at Phil’s shoulders and Phil buried his head in Dan’s neck. Fuck. He’d never felt something so soft but tight and just wonderful in his entire life. 

He knew he wasn’t going to last. There was no way. Dan’s walls were hugging him so snug and tight. 

He bottomed out and Dan’s nails dug into his skin, giving him a delicious burn. He leaned up onto his hands and looked down at Dan’s face, seeing his eyes scrunched up in bliss and his mouth opened a bit. 

Phil leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek and when he looked down, Dan was looking up at him. “You can move.” He whispered. 

And Phil did. 

He pulled his hips back and pushed them forward and Dan moaned under him, his back arching under them. Phil tried not to go too fast, but his hips worked all on their own and he felt out of control. 

His hand came down and held Dan’s leg behind the knee, pressing forward and feeling himself go deeper inside of Dan. And just as he was getting adjusted to the feeling of being so deep inside of him, Dan let out a loud moan of Phil’s name and Phil knew he had hit that special spot for Dan. 

“Fuck!” Dan yelled out, his voice high and tight. “Don’t stop. Please.” 

“I won’t.” 

Phil kept thrusting in the same angle to keep hitting Dan’s prostate over and over again. And soon Dan was begging for Phil to touch him so Phil let go of Dan’s leg and reached between them, taking his cock into his hand. All it took was a few strokes before Dan was coming white over his stomach. 

Phil followed suit, finishing in the condom as he thrusted deep one last time. 

His head came to rest again in the junction of Dan’s neck and shoulder. His breathing was heavy and he found himself not being able to catch his breath but in the best way possible. 

He could feel Dan’s hands working gently over his back, gently massaging him. When he finally felt the energy begin to come back into his body, he slowly sat up and reached between them, pulling himself out of Dan as gently as possible. Dan might a slight whimper but there was no pain evident on his face. 

Phil tied the condom and then looked over the side of the bed for the waste bin and tossed it down in there. When he settled back, Dan immediately crawled to him and wiped them both down with a few tissues from his nightstand. Phil grimaced at how sticky everything was but the urge to fall asleep and take a brief nap was just a bit more enticing than to worry about taking a shower. 

When that was done, Dan threw the tissues away and rolled back to Phil, resting his head on Phil’s chest as he wrapped his arm around Phil’s waist and snuggled as close as possible to him. 

“Tell me if I get to clingy.” Dan says, his voice slightly muffled. “I like to cuddle after sex.” 

“I don’t mind.” 

Phil looked down at the snuggled up Dan beside him and bent down meeting his lips again in a soft kiss. Phil pecked Dan’s lips a few times before settling down again, holding the younger male at his side. 

Just as Phil felt his eyes shut and his body protest louder about needing some sleep, Dan shifted a bit and then rested his chin against Phil’s pec, looking up at him to meet his eyes. 

“That was amazing.” Dan said, his hand running up Phil’s side and leaving tingles in its wake. 

“I’m glad it was good for you too because that was honestly the best sex I’ve ever had.” 

“Me too.” Dan says with a smile before pressing a light kiss to Phil’s skin. “Can I tell you something?” 

Phil watched Dan’s eyes for the signs of anything being wrong but nothing appeared to be the matter. “Of course.” 

“I think I love you.” 

[paradisobound]

I Want It, I Got It: Chapter 20

Summary: Phil Lester was a worker for the BBC in London. Working in the advertising department, he was content being alongside his friend and fellow coworker PJ during every shift. However, the BBC is temporarily being used as a film set for a new movie staring Hollywood ‘It’ star, Daniel Howell. Being stuck as an extra on the set, Phil finds it’s hard to ignore the famous star. And maybe, just maybe, Dan finds it hard to ignore Phil as well.

Word Count: 4k (this chapter)

Warnings: Occasional swearing and alcohol and sexual content 

Rating: Explicit

Updates will be every Sunday around 1pm EST

**MASTERLIST | READ ON AO3 | WATTPAD**

This party felt a bit different than the one that was at Dan’s house just a few nights before. This one felt a bit more intimate and if Phil was being honest, that made it that much scarier to him. 

He felt completely out place and like there was nowhere for him to hide. At Dan’s party, there had been so many people that it didn’t make a difference if he tried to push through the crowds of people and move on to a different area. But right now, he was stuck in the middle of a conversation at Dan’s side at a pub table that was dressed up way too fancy…Phil was sure that there were Swarovski crystals lining the outside. He was afraid to so much as leave a finger print on them. 

Dan looked right in his element though and maybe that was what made Phil a tad bit more scared that he should have been. Dan looked so comfortable and poised and here was Phil, stood with his elbows on the edge of the pearl white table cloth and a half-drunk glass of Champagne stood in-between his hands. 

Dan had introduced him to these people who he was speaking to but Phil can’t bothered to actually remember what Dan said about them. All he knew is that Dan knew them from his movie and that’s all. 

“…Phil lives in London.” 

Phil picked his head up and looked at Dan. 

“Oh really? Which area?” 

“I’m not sure,” Dan said, turning his head towards Phil. “Which area is it?” 

Phil looked at the brunette who was currently stood on the other side of the table, her arms folded elegantly on the edge as her bracelets draped her forearms. “Victoria.” 

“Oh, Victoria!” She cooed in a way that made Phil want to roll his eyes. He actually doubted she knew where Victoria was. He wasn’t trying to be brash about it, to be fair, he wasn’t sure many people even knew London was broken up that way it was. He didn’t until he looked for flats. 

“It quite cute.” Dan commented. “His flat is near a beautiful park. And he also has the cutest puppy ever.” 

Phil was quite in shock. Had Dan been speaking so openly to this other person about him and he was just not paying any attention to notice? Or was Dan really just playing up the ‘we’re friends’ card? Phil wasn’t quite sure anymore. 

“Puppy?” She said. “Do you have photos? I’d love to see it.” 

“Oh course I have photos, Mimei.” 

Phil suddenly felt his stomach drop out of his ass. Was he really not paying that much attention to anything around him to know that this was Mimei Lake? She had a different hair color from the blonde locks she had in the attached photo from the email a couple months ago. Now it was a natural red color that reminded him of his own―but maybe her’s was a bit lighter. 

Phil watched as Dan pulled out his phone and put it on the table as he turned it around and showed her all of the photos of Spike he must have taken when he was in London. Phil watched as Dan scrolled through the photos but he didn’t recognize any of them. Nor did he know Dan had taken so many selfies with his pup. 

“What’s his name?” 

“Spike.” Dan and Phil both answered at the same time, causing Mimei to laugh. 

“Where did the name come from?” She asked. “Because that sounds like the name of a ferocious beast but he looks to be the cuddliest creature alive.” 

“It’s from a character on one of my favorite TV shows Buffy.” 

Phil watched as Mimei’s eyes lit up. “Buffy? Oh my gosh, I loved Buffy as a teen! Sarah Michelle Gellar was my idol!” 

“I used to have the biggest crush on her.” Phi admitted with a chuckle. Dan laughed to himself next to him. “My mum used to find it weird how I had her photos hanging on the walls of my room.” 

“Amazing.” Mimei commented with a smile. “That sounds like me with Aaron Carter.” 

“You both with your teenage celebrity crushes.” 

Phil and Mimei both looked at Dan with wide eyes. “You’ve never had a celebrity crush?” Phil asked, elbowing Dan gently in the side. “That’s hard to believe.” 

“Why?” Dan asked. “I had celebrity crushes but I’m not gonna admit them.” 

“And why’s that?” Phil pressed. “How bad could they be?” 

“I’m not saying.” 

Phil was going to press more on the subject when someone else rounded to the table and stood by Mimei, placing her arm around Mimei’s waist. “Hello, Dan.” 

“Hi, Dayna.” 

Okay, so now Phil had another person to remember the name of. This time, their name was Dayna. That didn’t seem so bad to try and remember. 

“Phil, this is Dayna, Mimei’s wife.” 

Phil cocked his eyebrow up. That was a pleasant surprise. Maybe that’s why Dan was comfortable mentioning Phil so much around her. “Pleasure to meet you.” Dayna said, sticking out her hand for Phil to shake. 

“Dayna, this is Phil, my boyfriend.” 

Phil had to admit that it took a bit of his breath away to hear Dan formally introduce him as his boyfriend to someone else. He panicked a bit, looking around to make sure that no one else heard anything. Everyone else was in their own little worlds around the tables, just mingling with each other. 

“Ah, so you’re the famous Phil who Dan wouldn’t shut up about.” 

Phil looked at Dan with a smile just in time to see red flourish on his cheeks. 

“Wouldn’t shut up about me, huh?” 

Dan just shook his head. “Stop embarrassing me.” 

“You do it to yourself, bud.” Mimei said with a warm chuckle.

Dayna leaned over and whispered something in Mimei’s ear before Mimei looked up and smiled at them both. “We have to get going but it was great seeing you again, Dan. I know we’re done filming our parts together but it was a pleasure working with you.” 

“You as well.” Dan nodded back as Mimei and Dayna grasped hands and headed off towards another section of the room. 

“They’re both super nice.” Phil commented once they were gone. 

Dan nodded. “I loved working with Mimei.” He paused. “Although it was a bit awkward filming our sex scene when she’s a lesbian and I’m a gay male. Didn’t quite work how it should have but…” 

“I can’t wait to see the film.” 

Phil hadn’t really ever said that aloud because he wasn’t quite sure himself if he even was interested in the film before. But now he wants to support Dan in any way that he can. 

“I can’t wait for you to see it.” 

Dan began to lean down and Phil was ready to accept the kiss when Dan suddenly stopped and stiffened, standing up a bit straighter and stopping his movements. “We actually probably shouldn’t kiss here. Do you want to head out? I’m hungry and these tiny sandwiches aren’t doing much.” 

Phil smiled at him and nodded and they both left, their flutes of champagne long forgotten on the table. 

***

Dan had a driver chauffeur them around LA to get food and they managed to stop at just a quick burger place to grab food to take back to Dan’s house. By the time they got back, it was well past midnight and Phil was feeling a bit tired, but still a little buzzed from the party. 

It was apparent that Dan was a bit buzzed himself with a second wind of energy when they both got ready for bed and Dan laid down before Phil and reached for his phone, not even blinking or yawning in the process. 

Phil watched him for a moment as he rushed out a text with his finger tips and then threw his phone off the side of the bed and turned back to Phil with a smile. “Hi.” 

“Hi.” 

Phil will never get tired of this. Of seeing Dan in such a natural state like lying in bed with his pajamas on, his hair slightly messy and his eyes a bit glassy from the alcohol buzzing in his system. 

Phil’s said it once, and he’ll say it forever but Dan really was an angel. 

“Can I ask you something?” Dan says out of the blue. 

Phil feels his heart sink about but the hopeful look in Dan’s eyes make him remember that they promised to be there for each other and to never give up on the other person. He had to remember that, even if the question had his heart beating out of his chest. 

“Of course.” 

“Do you reckon we’re moving a bit fast?” 

Phil doesn’t know what he was expecting to be the question Dan was going to ask but it certainly was not that question. He felt his heart flutter a bit more before his eyes glazed over a bit. 

“What do you mean?” 

He was preparing for the worst. Maybe Dan was having second thoughts about all of this? Maybe Dan decided that he couldn’t be with some loser like Phil who wasn’t rich or famous? Maybe Dan decided that Phil wasn’t good enough for him? 

Dan let out a loud sigh that broke Phil out of his pessimistic thoughts. “It’s…not anything bad, per se.” Dan begins, rolling onto his back as if he’s avoiding making eye contact. “But I feel as if I don’t really know you?” 

Phil felt his heart break a bit more. 

Dan rolled back onto his side and looked up at Phil. “No matter how I say this, I’m aware I’m going to look like a dick but it’s just…let’s get to know each other, yeah? I don’t want to rush forward and not know anything about you.” 

Phil let out a staggering breath. “But this isn’t you giving up on me, right?” 

Dan suddenly shot up and moved so he was sitting onto his backside on the bed, looking straight at Phil. He reached out and placed his hands on Phil’s jaw, steadying the slight wobble that it was beginning to have. 

“No, God, no!” Dan quickly reassured. “You mean the absolute world to me, Phil.” 

Phil felt like he wanted to believe him but his heart was still a bit ragged and his mind was a bit clouded. 

“And you’re the one supposed to not be giving up on me, remember?” 

Phil felt his head nod subconsciously. 

“So we’re not breaking up?” Phil asks, the question lingering in the air. 

Dan moved his hands around to behind Phil’s neck and drew Phil closer, planting a firm kiss on his lips that cause Phil to hesitate before reciprocating. He reached around and put his hand on Dan’s side, feeling the soft flesh mould under his fingers. 

Dan pulled away and shook his head. “You’re it for me, Phil. That’s what I’m trying to say. You’re my person and I can tell already that we’re meant for each other. That’s why I want to get to know you. Now if you’re going to start crying, can you maybe warn me first because I’ll cry if you cry and I really don’t want to go to bed with swollen and sore eyes.” 

Phil let out a soft chuckle of relief as he and Dan disentangled themselves away from each other long enough for him to wipe away the moisture from under his eyes. “Now,” Dan continued. “Let’s play like twenty questions or something. You ask a question, I have to answered and we’ll go back and forth until we either get bored or pass out. I’ll go first!” Dan situates himself across from Phil on the bed and smiles. “How old were you when you have your first kiss?” 

Phil scoffed. “Oh we’re playing this kind of twenty questions?” Phil teased. “What are we? Twelve year olds at a slumber party?” 

“Hell fucking yes, Phil!” Dan bellowed out. “After this will do each others hair and then have a pillow fight.” 

“Shouldn’t we be drinking for this?” Phil asks. 

“Quit stalling and answer the question, mate!” 

“I was sixteen.” 

Dan’s eyes widened and Phil suddenly felt his cheeks flush. “Oh, Phil!” 

“I was a late bloomer.” He mumbled, trying to hide the embarrassment from his voice. 

Dan noticed and reeled the conversation back in. “If it makes you feel any different, mine was when I was age 6 with a girl named Lilith and all she did was lean forward plant her mouth on mine. It was quite gross.” 

Phil let out a laugh. “How old were you when you decided you wanted to go into acting?” 

Dan leaned back a bit and looked up at the ceiling of his bedroom. Phil studied his body, looking for any signs of discomfort coming from Dan just in case he stepped over a boundary that he didn’t really mean to. 

“Well, that’s a bit of a loaded question.” Dan says, finally looking down. “Because I decided I wanted to audition for my community theatre’s play when I was quite young but I didn’t fully decide that being an actor was something I wanted to pursue until I was about 14 or 15. It kind of came with the mentality of people always telling me I was good at it and that I had the ability to act.” When he’s done, Phil looks at him and notices that Dan’s face is a bit sullen and a bit sad. But he doesn’t look hurt or upset about answering the question. “When did you decide to work for the BBC?” 

“When I realized that I had no clue where I was going in life and I felt like I needed a sense of direction.” 

That was the honest truth. Phil applied for the BBC on a whim. He had no intentions of ever getting the job nor getting near London to even take the job. But he received it and was stuck working in the BBC in an office all day with Louise, PJ, and Gemma. 

But he doesn’t hate what he does. He just hates that he lost the passion he once had to go work for an office in London.

“And the BBC gave you that?” 

Phil had half a mind to joke with Dan and tell him that he couldn’t ask more than one question but honestly, he felt like he needed to answer this one. Not only to give Dan an answer, but also give himself an answer as well. 

“No.” Phil answered truthfully. “It gave me friends and it gave me memories and it gave me money. But in the end, it also gave me a job that…” Phil let his thoughts linger off before he looked at Dan and their eyes met and he finally spoke the words he hadn’t thought he’d ever speak. “But it also gave me a job that I hate.” 

Phil doesn’t think hate is the correct term. He doesn’t hate the BBC or hate what he does. But he does hate how the BBC took up his time and his job took his time away from him to follow the true passion he used to have which is YouTube. 

“Then why do you stay?” 

“I thought this was going back and forth.” 

Phil partly teased that but he also kind of wanted to drop the subject and move onto something much more lighthearted than talking about how actually miserable he is. He didn’t realize he was even this miserable until he began talking about the BBC right then. 

Dan smiled at him. “Ask me something then.” 

“Be honest with me, okay?” Phil began and Dan nodded. “Do you wish your life wasn’t like this?” 

“Like what?” 

“Followed by paparazzi all the time? Having a house with a gate you can only get through by using an access code? Your name the source of news and headlines all over the world and fangirls crawling all over your tweets and speculating about everything you do?” 

“I hate my life, Phil.” Phil looked at Dan and saw the way his jaw wobbled as he reached up and stubbornly wiped away a tear from his cheek. “This life isn’t what you want, Phil. It’s not even what I want anymore. And If I could leave it all behind, I would.” He looked at Phil quickly before squeezing his eyes shut tightly as another tear slid down his cheek and Phil moved forward quickly to wipe it away. Dan shivered underneath his touch and opened his eyes, staring into Phil’s with a grateful look. “I want to be normal, like you. I want to work for the BBC in an office job and make YouTube videos and have friends who actually care about me. But I’ll never get any of that.” 

My life was always characterized by my name and it forever will be. For fucks sake, I have word that I might even be getting a Hollywood Star of Fame sometime next year. I have no chance for a normal life anymore. I have no chance for that. And maybe it’s a bit selfish but I want to live vicariously through you. I want to be with you when you go to the BBC and I want to be with you when you make your videos because any chance I have at a normal life, I want to grab at it and never let it go. Because my life will never go back to normal, Phil. It just can’t.” 

Phil waited until everything Dan was saying was over before he studied Dan’s face and watched as he wiped his tears away before sniffling and let out a shuttering breath. 

“I’m sorry for just unloading all of that onto you.” Dan says, letting out a small laugh. “It felt really good to actually get all of that out but I hope it doesn’t like, scare you away or anything.” 

Phil shook his head. “No, I totally get everything you’re saying.” 

Dan gives him a look of ‘you really don’t but I appreciate the sentiment’, before he lets out a long yawn and gives Phil a sympathetic look. “I’m really tired now. Do you want to get ready for bed?” 

Phil’s eyes feel a bit sore and weary so he nods. 

Dan stands up quickly and makes his way to the bathroom first, shutting the door behind him. Phil is left sitting on the bed, gathering all of his thoughts about everything Dan had just said to him. It was a lot to process and it was a bit hard for Phil to really think about at this hour and also with his mindset. 

Dan came back out a few minutes later and by that time, Phil had already settled into bed under the duvet, waiting for Dan to come back. Once under the duvet, Dan immediately rolled into Phil and Phil wrapped his around him, letting himself snuggle the younger male. 

The amount of vulnerability and openness that Dan showed Phil tonight was something he would never forget and he was convinced that it’s something that will strengthen their relationship from this point forward into the future. Dan was right after all. They really did need to get to know each other before they can move on. 

“I’m glad we had this talk.” Dan said, his voice coming out a bit muffled from talking into Phil’s chest. 

He pulled back a bit and Dan looked up at him in the pale moonlight of his room that was seeping in through the sheer curtains. “Me too.” 

Dan leaned forward and connected their lips together. Phil pushed forward, deepening the kiss as Dan rolled onto his back willingly. Phil’s been hungry for Dan’s kisses all night and having Dan kissing him again was taming the embers that were firing up inside his core.

He found himself hovering over Dan, lips detached from his lips and making small kisses down his jaw onto his neck. He found the soft flesh of Dan’s neck and nipped at it with his teeth a bit before sucking onto the sensitive skin. Dan moaned out, reaching his hand out and placing it on the back of Phil’s neck to hold him in place. 

Phil loved this. The taste of Dan’s skin on his tongue was like a delicacy that he couldn’t get enough of. He pulled back and moved a bit lower, attaching his lips to Dan’s collarbone. 

Dan squirmed under him as he whimpered and continued to whine at the sensations. Phil honestly felt a bit drunk off from the pheromones Dan was giving off to him. 

He pulled away, moving his head back so he could connect their lips once more. It was a bit sloppy and a bit messy and Phil was sure their teeth might have clashed but he didn’t care. Anything with Dan was amazing and nothing would ever destroy that mindset for him. 

Phil’s hips instinctively rolled down, looking for friction to serve as relief for the heat pooling in his lower body and his cock springing to full hardness. He could feel Dan’s under him, the hard outline of his own cock jutting into his hip. 

“Are you okay with this?” Phil asked, looking for consent given how open and vulnerable Dan was just ten or so minutes ago. 

Dan nodded quickly and practically begged. “Yes! Please keep going and don’t stop.” 

Phil nodded to Dan’s command and reached his hand between them, fishing his cock out of his pajama pants and letting it spring free between them. Dan reached between them and Phil felt his hand down the same and then Dan’s hips cantered up and suddenly, Phil’s vision went white. 

His head tipped down and found solace in the crevice between Dan’s neck and shoulder as he let of a loud moan. Dan’s hand wrapped around both of them and began to stroke as Phil’s hips rolled forward on their own accord. 

He’s never done this before. He’s never felt the sensation of his already painful erection being stroked along someone else. The feeling of it was enough to send shivers of heat down his spine as he struggled to remain in control of his movements. 

He picked his head up and looked down at Dan who was smiling lazily up at him. Phil quickly reached down and pushed Dan’s hand out of the way as he took over, stroking them to his tempo and his speed. 

It was over far quicker than he would have liked to admit, shooting white over Dan’s stomach and dribbling a bit over Dan’s cock. Dan finished not long after, quickly shoving Phil out of the way as he stroked himself to completion and then fell back into a heap on the bed. 

Dan got out of bed first to grab them something to clean up with and when he came back with a damp cloth, Phil gently used it to clean off his hand as he tucked himself back into his pajamas. 

Dan yawned on last time before he settled into bed and leaned over, kissing Phil a few more times with quick little pecks against his lips before settling down onto Phil’s chest. 

“Thank you.” Dan whispered, just as Phil felt himself drifting off to sleep. 

“What for?” 

“For making me feel like a normal person.” Dan says, his voice soft. “For actually making me feel loved and not like you’re using me to say you got to sleep with the famous Dan Howell.” 

“I’d never do that.” 

“I know.” Dan pressed. “That’s why I’m saying thank you.” 

Dan fell asleep not long after the conversation ended and Phil was left, laying back on the bed with his eyes wide open now as he processed Dan’s words. 

Thank you for actually making me feel loved. 

The mere thought of someone not doing that or showing that to Dan made him actually hurt. 

Sleep took a while to come that night. 

[paradisobound]

I Want It, I Got It: Chapter 19

Summary: Phil Lester was a worker for the BBC in London. Working in the advertising department, he was content being alongside his friend and fellow coworker PJ during every shift. However, the BBC is temporarily being used as a film set for a new movie staring Hollywood ‘It’ star, Daniel Howell. Being stuck as an extra on the set, Phil finds it’s hard to ignore the famous star. And maybe, just maybe, Dan finds it hard to ignore Phil as well.

Word Count: 2.8k (this chapter)

Warnings: Occasional swearing and brief drug mentions 

Rating: Explicit

Updates will be every Sunday around 1pm EST

**MASTERLIST | READ ON AO3 | WATTPAD**

“My interview for People magazine is out today.” Dan says, laying on his back with Phil sitting beside him. “Do you want to see the photos?” 

Phil nods eagerly and continues to watch over Dan’s shoulder. 

They hadn’t done anything all day besides film the video from earlier and then take a brief nap while Phil mainly just held Dan and let his eyes droop every once and a while. “Yeah, I do.” 

Dan clicked on the email he was staring at and opened the photos, displaying a beautiful photo of Dan smiling as the cover. “This is the cover shot.” Dan said. “I think it turned out really well.” 

“You look stunning.” Phil says, leaning down to get a better look. 

Dan let out a scoff and turned his head, mouthing a quick kiss to Phil’s neck. “You’re just saying that.” 

Phil shook his head and Dan’s lips curled into a smile against his throat. Phil was still in a state of disbelief about this entire situation if he was being honest. If you would have asked Phil of one year ago where he would be right now, he’d say still working at the BBC with PJ, Gemma, and Louise. He wouldn’t have even considered Spike yet. But here he is, laying in bed with Daniel Howell, his head resting on Phil’s chest as he scrolls through Instagram. 

“Some photos from my party last night are surfacing.” Dan adds on, making the point by clicking on the photo posted by some celebrity that Phil’s actually never heard of before. “I don’t even remember taking this photo.” 

Phil snorts as he looks at the photo of Dan stood with the female. Dan’s got a cocktail in hand and Phil’s not quite sure what one it was. Probably the third or forth. 

“Who is that?” 

Dan double taps the photo to like it and then continues scrolling. “Her name is Anna.” Dan said, stopping on a photo of Ariana Grande and double clicking that as well. “She worked on our set.” 

“Oh.” 

Phil watched as Dan scrolled further and further and somehow ended up US Weekly Magazine’s Instagram, looking at the photo of him from the night before at the party. “I wanna know who gives these magazines my photos.” Dan says. “I don’t do it. I know Marianne doesn’t. I just wanna know who does.” 

Phil swallowed, his stomach knotting a bit and his heart beginning to race. “Do you think anyone took photos of us…you know, kissing?” 

Dan turned his head and sat away from Phil a little bit. Phil looked at him and bit his lip. “No.” Dan said, his voice stiff. Almost like he was trying to tell himself the answer too. “No one would.” 

“Are you sure?” Phil asked. He really just needed to know if there was any chance of their kiss being leaked. 

Dan nodded. “Phil, people were probably doing lines in my bathroom. If they are going to leak a photo of us kissing, that would be pretty damn hypocritical.” 

Phil watched as Dan quickly tossed his phone to side and then turned on the bed so he was resting on his elbow, looking up at Phil. “I just don’t want the tabloids to see us before we’re ready.” 

Dan nodded. “Me too.” 

There was a silence between them and Phil watched Dan’s face for any signs of any uncomfortable feelings he might be going through in his head. “My last relationship got outed before we were ready.” Dan said, his voice staggering a bit. “Kellin and I were just enjoying our time together. I really liked him and he really liked me and then we stupidly walked out of a cafe holding hands and the media ate up on it. Our relationship was never the same.” 

“What happened?” 

Phil doesn’t know why he asked that. He shouldn’t have really. It wasn’t his business. He doesn’t have to know anything about Dan’s past. 

“Well,” Dan begins. “Kellin didn’t like it because he wanted to remain as private as possible. He didn’t want to do anything besides just when we were alone and it bit a pretty big strain on us. Especially when we were working on a movie together at the time. So being on set and seeing him and knowing we were dating but I couldn’t touch him was extremely difficult.” Dan looked down at his shirt and Phil watched as he began to pick a stray string on his hem as he spoke. “A lot of people don’t know this but Kellin cheated on me anyway the last few months we were together with the woman he’s with now. When he told me about her, I was under the impression that he was using her as a vice to get the tabloids and paparazzi off our back. But I was stupid and young and I thought it would be fine. But it wasn’t. I’m sure you saw our fight over social media.” 

Phil actually hadn’t seen much of the fight but he’d heard about it. He’d heard that it wasn’t pretty and it did in fact stir a lot of news. For a short time, he even remembers hearing people around work talking about who’s side they were one. 

“But that was the past.” Dan says. “And you’re my future and even though it’s only been a short time, you’re already making me the happiest I’ve been in a long time.” Dan paused and Phil continued to listen, his heart bursting with fondness and love at the seams. “I knew when I first saw you that you were going to be important to me. That’s why I invited you out of literally anyone else to show me around London. I know that was a shitshow but I was in such a bad mental place when you met me. And talking with you has helped me stay grounded. You’ve helped me realize that I can handle everything that’s happening around me. And I’ll never be able to thank you enough.” Dan let out a laugh. “God, this sounds so cheesy but you actually saved my life, Phil.” 

Phil looked at Dan and watched as the first tear made its why down Dan’s cheek. He was smiling at Phil but at the same time, more and more tears fell down his cheek. Phil reached over and wiped it away with his thumb, feeling the wetness spread under his touch. “I think I knew you were going to be important to me the first time I saw you.” Phil said. “I knew you were the one for me.” 

“I knew you were the one for me too.” Dan said, as he leaned away from Phil and reached up, wiping the rest of his tears away with his hands. “God, we sound so disgusting right now.” 

Phil let out a laugh and reached up, wiping away his own unshed tears. “I think we have a right to be in this case.” 

“Maybe so.” Dan said, sitting up in bed. “But I think Marianne is coming over tonight for some drinks and to catch me up about what my week looks like so I need to shower after our activities today.” 

Phil felt his cheeks flush. He’d forgotten about that morning, the way Dan’s mouth felt on him. He felt his heart flutter and he willed himself to calm down. There were going to be many more times to do that before he leaves. 

“I probably should too.” Phil said. “I think I still smell like airplane and I don’t know how you haven’t gotten sick because of it.” 

“Want to shower with me?” Dan asks, standing up and beginning to walk to the edge of the bed. “Come on! It’ll be nice.” 

Phil didn’t need to be asked twice as he shot up from the bed and followed Dan to the bathroom where Dan shut the door behind them. 

Phil waited as Dan bent over and drew the water in the tub before turning around and smiling at Phil. “I’ll get in first and then when you’re ready, you can get in second.” 

Phil watched as Dan pushed down his sweatpants into a pile on the floor and then lifted his shirt off. Phil caught a quick glance of his naked body before he turned and stepped behind the glass door into the shower and shut it. 

Phil quickly stripped himself and then did the same, following suit with his clothing. He stepped forward and slowly pushed open the door before stepping in and immediately being hugged by Dan’s arms. 

Dan maneuvered them so they were both under the warm mist as he shut the door and then rest his forehead against Phil’s. Phil smiled at him through the waterfall before he leaned forward and captured their lips again. 

Phil would never grow tired of the way their lips moulded perfectly together and the way that Dan knew exactly how to kiss and how just amazing every kiss was. Phil reached one hand up and rested it on Dan’s jaw as his other hand moved around Dan’s back and cupped Dan’s ass. 

Dan let out a surprised yelp before moving forward and resting their bodies closer together. Phil felt Dan’s hardness resting against his hip and he mewled at the thought of doing anything with Dan. 

But his thoughts were short lived as Dan let out a little snort and then pulled back and turned around quickly in Phil’s arms as he bent down in front of Phil and picked up his shampoo from the edge of the tub. “Actually have to shower and try to get clean.” Phil felt himself let out a huff of frustration as Dan stood back up and turned as he handed the bottle to Phil. “Wash my hair and I was yours?” 

“Deal.” 

Phil squirted a generous amount of the scent of the orange gel in his hand brought him back to his flat, where he found Dan’s shampoo sitting in his shower and it instantly reminded him of Dan and his heart ached. 

He reached up and rans his hands through Dan’s curls, lathering it up as Dan shut his eyes, putting his entire trust until Phil. Which, in hindsight was a bad thing as Phil watched in slow motion as a white drop of the shampoo cascaded from Dan’s curl and landed right on Dan’s eyelash. He went to move it away when Dan opened his eyes and immediately yelped out. “Fucking hell!” He yelled, ducking his head under the rinse as washing everything away as it swirled down the drain. 

Phil found himself wincing and feeling immediately bad for not trying to stop Dan from getting shampoo in his eye. “Did you get it?” 

Dan turned around from under the mist and opened his eyes as he looked at Phil and Phil cringed harder as he saw Dan’s completely red and bloodshot right eye. “It doesn’t hurt too bad.” Dan says. “On the brightside, the redness will go away and it also didn’t hurt as bad as getting jizz in my eye.” 

Phil felt his mouth drop open. “You’ve gotten cum in your eye before.” 

Dan let out a laugh and reached up, bringing his hands up so his fingers pet down the soft bit of hair of Phil had on his chest. “That is a long story that I am not getting into but just know that cum in the eye stings really fucking bad.” Phil snorted and Dan continued to laugh. Dan reached for the shampoo and began squirting some in his hand. “My turn for revenge.” 

“Please don’t get anything in my eyes. They’re delicate.” 

“No promises.” 

Dan didn’t actually get anything in his eyes and he was incredibly grateful for that even if he did still feel bad about getting some in Dan’s. They each took turns washing their own bodies and then just as they were getting done, Dan suddenly reached out and grabbed for Phil again, just resting their bodies together. 

There was nothing sexual about it. It was just raw intimacy as Dan rested his chin on Phil’s shoulder and let out a contented sigh. “I never want you to leave.” 

“I have to.” 

“I know.” Dan says, his voice a bit sad. “But that doesn’t mean that I want you to leave.” 

“I don’t want to leave either.” 

“It’s going to be tough.” Dan says, pulling away and resting his hands on Phil’s arm as they stood still under the mist that was now growing cool. “But please don’t give up on me, or this. I know for a while you’re going to face speculation on Twitter and Instagram but…please don’t give up on me.” 

“Never.” 

Phil leaned forward and connected their lips once more into a kiss before pulling back and looking at Dan. Dan gave him a sad smile before he ducked around and turned the water off. 

Dan got out first and grabbed a towel from his closet before he tossed one to Phil who wrapped it around himself. 

They got dressed quickly, which was a good thing considering that not long after they were both dressed and Phil had his hair all done and Dan was just beginning to blow dry his, the doorbell rang and Dan rushed down to let Marianne in. 

It was awkward for a bit, Phil had to admit as they all sat poolside next around a small table next to Dan’s pool. Dan had fixed them both a few drinks before they all sat down and Marianne immediately got into Dan’s plans for the next week and a half. 

Phil didn’t listen as they spoke, mostly because he didn’t understand hardly anything they were saying and he also just felt like it wasn’t his place to know all of Dan’s plans. However, he was ripped from his thoughts as he heard his name being said by Dan. 

“…Phil can come with me to this one though, right?” 

He was pointing to something on Marianne’s iPad screen as it sat on the table and Phil felt his pulse pick up. What was Dan referring to? Where was Phil going? 

“Well, he could go to technically any of these besides the closed film promotion shoot with US Weekly but this would be the easiest for him to go unnoticed if that is what you’re thinking.” 

“I’m sorry, what are you guys talking about?” 

Dan and Marianne both looked up at him. “I have a party I have to attend in West Hollywood tomorrow night so did you want to come?” 

“What type of a party is it?” Phil asked, looking at Dan with some hope in his eyes that it wouldn’t be a rager with orgies, drugs, and whatever else happens. 

“It’s another black tie party but this one is just more of a meet and greet for us in the film but I have the option to bring a plus one so you can be my plus one. It’ll be super lowkey. No photography is even allowed inside so we’ll be fine.” 

Phil let out a small breath of relief and then smirked. “If you say so.” 

Dan reached across the table and placed his hands over Phil’s. It was all the reassurance that Phil needed that even though he was beginning the early stages of being a part of Dan’s lifestyle, Dan was still going to help him every step of the way. Much like how he is helping Dan feel better about being in this lifestyle. 

It some weird way, they were like each other saviors and that made Phil feel really good. Less than three months ago, he’d never have imagined that he would be here right now, in Los Angeles, agreeing to go to a party with his boyfriend who just so happens to be the Daniel Howell. It all feels surreal. And maybe it is a bit surreal. But Phil knows one thing is for sure, he’s not afraid of his future anymore. He’s not afraid of where he’ll be in the next year. 

He’s not going to be alone, wallowing in his own misery over being 32 and single. He’s going to be with Dan, who he knows already he wants to be with for a long time. And that’s all that matters to him right now is knowing Dan is still standing by his side and he’s standing by Dan’s. 

And if he’s being honest, it feels pretty fucking great.