#i need benzos
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autistic-queen · 9 months ago
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God I wish someone would give me permission to take benzos or cut myself really. I want to sh but I don't want my friend to suffer because of me and I won't lie that I didn't do it when I did, that's just unfair and I promised I would tell her if I want to sh. But here's the problem - she's mentally unstable just like me : D and she's not okay either. So I just can't burden her anymore. I'm so pathetic, she's trying to help me so bad but I'm feeling worse and worse everyday. I think I have too many meds at home, I keep checking which combination is the most dangerous and how many should I take to log out. I feel like she would be better off without me really. I know I'm important to her but I kinda wish we never met, one person less to worry about my potential suicide.
Sometimes I really want to talk to somebody who's mentally ok just to let it all out but when I have a chance to do that I regret it immediately because they just don't understand me. They can't wrap their head around how fucked up I am, I feel like it's just funny to them when I'm talking about how anxious I am about everything, that I'm so fucking exhausted from all this work, studying, living. I can't even get a full time job or get a driving license BECAUSE I'M SO FUCKING SCARED OF EVERYTHING literally EVERYTHING. I'm trying to do all this adult stuff but I'm just a child, I need help, I can't do this alone
So there's that :)
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beif0ngs · 3 months ago
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Hey, in case I don't remember to tell you tomorrow... You've always meant the world to me, Benzo.
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engagemy-others · 3 months ago
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also can everyone give a round of applause for jayce--apparently the only character whose parent not only survived the whole damn show, but OUTLIVED HIM. thanks for taking one for the team man.
so everyone must now congratulate Ximena for surviving the ParentDies-fication Beam.
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arriettyspin · 3 months ago
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yes I'm a huge timebomb fan yes I squealed and laughed and cried during their scenes in act 3 yes the au episode was my favourite and i am constantly listening to ma meilleure ennemie on repeat, and yes, i was disappointed that ekko's character had barely any development outside of his relationship with powder/jinx, yes i was disappointed with how his tree subplot never got proper closure and how the firelights and his community and trauma and other relationships were just completely neglected and continue to be both by the writers and fandom, we exist.
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cursedvida · 10 months ago
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" Ok well, maybe I thought about killing him, but I'm the only one allowed to think about killing him, and if you ever think about killing him too, I'll kill you first, but not before making you want to die desperately" —Mae about Noa.
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focsle · 6 months ago
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So far the only thing that has helped in my current Insomnia Flare is paradoxically laying in bed in the dark doing nothing and thinking ‘I’m gonna try to stay AWAKE rather than try to SLEEP.’ It doesn’t help in terms of…actually falling asleep (but neither does Trying To Fall Asleep), but what it DOES do is keep me tired and keep me from doom spiraling into increasing wakefulness out of anxiety over not falling asleep like I’m supposed to.
One more…ridiculous little technique in the expansive arsenal I guess.
Also this is a feelings post not a solutions post. Don’t give me solutions. I swear to god I’ve tried it. Different configurations work in different contexts.
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catylsmental · 5 months ago
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Wygląda jakby brał mocniejszy towar. Klony + Xan.
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skunkes · 1 month ago
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ok but how do u feel about benzo arcane 🎤
OK FOLLOW ME HERE....regular benzo as we see him before well you know only barely piques my interest.... but GREY benzo in the au with the little glasses...🤤 i would be at that bar 24/7 with those 3 old men hanging around.
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littlebigmouse · 3 months ago
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Something about AU Vander telling AU Powder she's "too smart to spend her life in a bar" vs telling AU Ekko (as far as he knows, anyway) that he thinks he'd be "running this place soon" makes the latter almost seem like an insult.
#everyone insisting Powder should be changing the world kind of fits with what the maintimeline has going on#only kinda bc if anything Jinx needs some peace and less responsibility and fewer revolutions and struggle and all that#but also if i were AU powder#who grew up dirt poor and lost both her parents and then her sister#and after a long period of grieve and strive#things look up#everyone is recovering (from poverty) and better physically and mentally#and i decided to chill out and remain close to my family in my chosen profession#and everyone kept telling me i should be more ambitious and change the world#i'd be biting people#or maybe vander meant ekko'd be running the undercity but doubt that's the intention of the line#anyway the entire episode's focus on powder kind of annoyed me#not in the sense that she's present but in the sense that every little detail is more about her than ekko#vander says ekko should be proud of himself bc powder's been raving about his z-drive and she hasn't looked so alive in a long time#as if the merit of the zdrive is that it made powder feel better and not that it's an amazing invention ekko plans to enter a competition w#and it would be fine if almost every conversation wasn't like that#but ekko never wonders about the firelights or asks claggor about his plant invention (which would be revolutionary for his undercity)#or even wonders about AU ekko's /his own AU's self apparently rather unhealthy mental state#the only conversations ekko has in this episode that aren't through the lense of powder are exposition with heimer and his hug with benzo#if anything powder's nonreaction to ekko's mood swings#worries and altered personality kind of implies that it doesn't matter to her#or the writers who exactly ekko is in this relationship or what her feelings are about him#but i'm getting ahead of myself#arcane#arcane season 2#arcane spoilers#ekko#arcane meta
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aurieeeeeenyx · 3 months ago
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so i need a whole series just following the timeline from ep 7 where everyone was happy
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ashaxiooo · 2 months ago
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If you want to understand a bit more, read this theory first x
The beginning of episode 3 could also involve a jump between two timelines. Even though there’s less evidence compared to episodes 1/2, there are still some details.
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From Vi’s point of view, we see the blood splattering on the window all of a sudden, but when we switch to the external point of view, we notice that the splatter isn't exactly the same, it's almost identical but not quite. The small splashes of blood that I circled from Vi’s perspective aren’t there initially, although they appear later. But when they do appear, they aren’t the same as in Vi’s view, and they trickle down after the big splatter, whereas from Vi's perspective, they appear right along with it. This could suggest that Vi’s point of view isn't in the same timeline as the external view.
Another detail that may be less certain also involves the blood.
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From Vi’s perspective, we see the guy “possessed” by the shimmer attacking Grayson on the left side, but when we switch to the external view, We see the injury on the right side.. This detail is a bit more complicated because it’s possible that he scratched her on the right side, but it’s still strange that she doesn't have any scratches on her left side when a guy with amplified strength jumps at her with all his force.
And finally, the last detail: the clock! The clock is a sign of timeline. I haven't rewatched the entire series yet to make a post, but I'm pretty sure that hearing clocks or/and gears is a sign that a timeline splits into two, that there was originally just one, but someone made a choice, a choice they make half the time, which splits the timeline into two, creating two different outcomes for a situation that initially started in just one timeline.
In this scene, the clock appears here
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And yes, someone makes a choice in this scene.
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Benzo decides to move forward, and the shimmer guy kills him. So, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you a new timeline splitting off, where Benzo didn’t move forward and survived, but at what cost? Honestly, I don’t know.
I think the only shots that belong to this timeline are these.
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Because in the first shot, there’s a silhouette that can only be Grayson, since she's the only one seen in front of the window turning around. But in the shot before that, the shot from the true timeline, we see her turning around in the same way, so how could she have turned the same way if she was already facing that direction?
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nd to bring us back to the original timeline, we get this sequence of shots with Vander, Vi, and the timeline where Benzo is dead.
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autistic-queen · 8 months ago
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I fucking relapsed today after being more than a month clean. three times. I cut myself three times and each one I went deeper, even did some multiswipes, I know I have some styros but I think I hit beans too. I didn't eat today. I'm so mad at myself but in the other hand I want to do it for the 4th time today, but I already did proper aftercare and I put gauze on those wounds, so I dont want to rip it off beacuse I don't have another one. I'm so scared to tell my friend, I think I won't
I had really hard day and I tought what if I take 1mg of clonazepam and 0,5mg of xanax I will relax and thoughts about hurting myself will go away but clearly I was wrong. I'm scared that there's no going back from this now, I think I will do it again tomorrow. tomorrow I'm definitely hitting beans
this is so pathetic, I'm such a failure
EDIT: fuck it, I went 4th time and hit beans 💅 I needed like 7 swipes tho bc it was spontaneous and I didn't take my blade 🙄 so I took trymer that has been in use since '64 so your girlie had to put some effort but here I am
I literally couldn't stop cutting, in my mind it's still today so I can say that I cut myself once (I know I did it 4 separate times, but still in one day), and if I had to stop in order to get clean again then I did as much as I could, would do more but I didn't want to wake up my mom
jesus christ what have I become
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xanniezjunkiexoxo · 2 months ago
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At this point I’m popping whatever that got benzos
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ino · 18 days ago
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i love my doctor so much he will prescribe me anything and isn't stingy or restrictive like other doctors
i tell him i cant sleep bc of my anxiety and he just immediately prescribes enough trazodone and lorazepam to kill an elephant
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alprazangel · 2 months ago
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xanaxxx & paxx
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maxdibert · 4 months ago
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It’s a shame wizards invest zero in mental health because, honestly, one citalopram and four sertraline a day, and I’m telling you, no one could ever use Legilimency on you, not in a million years. Plus, no Dementor would be able to sense a single emotion in the area, lol.
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