#i miss you though and i hope you are in a better place now

[cherrygirlfriend]

─── FIRST TIME ♥︎

...or, well, their first time.

♥︎ pairing .ᐟ nerd!rafe x pervert!reader

♥︎ summary .ᐟ rafe texts reader to come over while he’s drunk, and the next day something special happens.

♥︎ warnings .ᐟ fluff, smut, MDNI! loss of virginity (m), protected piv, praise wc: 1.9k

♥︎ author's note .ᐟ the last post on my 3k celebration <3 i hope y’all like it!!

PERVERT MASTERLIST ♥︎ 3K MASTERLIST

he's all over the place. and for some reason, it's so adorable.

your brows furrowed the moment your phone was buzzing and you saw that the contact 'my love♡' was calling you when you're usually the one doing the calling. but the moment you answered and heard the slur in rafe's voice, it was like a lightbulb lit up over your head.

even though it was one in the morning, you made the trek to the men's dormitory because he was threatening to come to the women's if you didn't, and you knew that if he tried coming here, he'd probably end up sleeping in a ditch on the side of the road.

and the moment he opened the door, he was grinning from ear to ear, his cheeks flushed pink, and his pupils blown wide as if he was looking at the most precious thing in the world.

"honeyyy!"

the boy who so rarely initiated affection threw his arms around you, making your brows nearly rise to your hairline. for once, you were the one getting flustered.

"babe, what-"

"i missed you so much." rafe interrupted you by letting out an exasperated sigh, squeezing you in his arms. "why weren't you here with me?" he looked down at you, his lower lip jutting out in a pout, his eyebrows knitted together.

"c'mon. c'mere." you urged, tugging rafe towards his neatly made bed, the six-foot boy stumbling onto it, letting out the most adorable laugh. you sat down on the edge of his bed as your boyfriend laid there, looking up at you with the sweetest smile on his lips. you pushed a strand of loose hair behind his ear, stroking his warm cheek, "y'know, i don't think i've seen you drunk before. it's adorable."

he hid his face into his sheets, but you brought your finger to tickle the side of his throat, forcing rafe to turn around and look up at you, "i was just playing some drinking games." he mumbled and fixed the glasses on the bridge of his nose, a small imprint left by them on his tanned nose.

you gasp dramatically, "you have friends?"

"shut up." he laughed, hiding his face once again, but now it was in your bare thigh, not having had time to change out of your pajama shorts before you made your way over to his dorm. "it was online friends, technically. but it still counts." the boy mumbled.

"you're such a loser." you say with a fond smile, "it might be my favorite thing about you."

your eyes nearly bulged out of your head when you felt rafe's teeth around your thigh; he didn't bite, simply pretended to. you broke into a fit of giggles, throwing your head back as you stroked his hair, "what was that about?"

"'m not a loser." the boy whined, kicking his feet against the mattress.

"well, what if i say that you're my loser? that any better?"

"a bit." rafe sighed, his hot breath fanning against your bare skin, his warm lips pressing a small kiss on your thigh before he turned his head to look up at you, his brows furrowed, the boy clearly deep in thought. "what are you thinking about, rafe?"

"does it ever bother you that... i'm not really experienced."

you scoffed, shaking your head, "where's this coming from?"

"you're... clearly more experienced than i am-"

"are you calling me a slut?" you ask, feigning offense as you crossed your arms in front of your chest. rafe's eyes widened, and the boy sat up in bed, stammering. "n-no, of course not, i'd never-"

you interrupted his upcoming rant by bringing your lips to rafe's, your hand around his throat, squeezing only slightly, but even that was enough to make him let out a gasp of a breath against your lips.

as you pulled away from the kiss, you left another quick peck on his lips, the boy looking at you in a half-lidded daze through his long lashes.

"the answer is no. i don't give a fuck about that." you pushed rafe down so he was laying on the bed, making him let out a surprised yelp. you took off his glasses and placed them neatly on the nightstand and made yourself comfortable next to him, nuzzling into his chest, drawing small patterns on his chest through his band t-shirt, "sleep. silly."

"mmpf… alright…" rafe mumbled, pressing a kiss on the crown of your head as he closed his eyes, breathing in the scent of your shampoo. it wasn't long until your boyfriend started to drift off to sleep, but the last words the boy heard were whispered to him by a familiar voice…

"i'll just have to make sure to teach you."

you wake up to the feeling of slight stubble running down your neck, making you smile as your eyes flutter open, finding your boyfriend kissing down your neck, "what are you doing?" you ask, your voice slightly husky from having just woken up.

"i think i'm ready." rafe mumbled against your skin, his hand trailing down to the waistband of your shorts. you instantly knew what he meant; hand- and mouth stuff always felt nice but whenever you saw your boyfriend's dick, you couldn't help but wish that you could feel him stretch you out, to feel the pretty, pink head of his cock kissing your cervix...

"are you sure you're not still drunk?" you teased as you watched rafe tug your shorts down your soft legs, throwing them to the side.

"no." rafe mumbled against your skin in his rough morning voice, nipping at your neck, "but as a half-sober man, i definitely consent to this."

you let out a small laugh, shaking your head, before grabbing his shoulders and rolling him down to the mattress and straddling him, switching positions so he was underneath you. "you have no idea how long i've been waiting for this..." you purr, running your manicured nails down his bare chest.

reaching for the nightstand, you pull the drawer open, holding up a purple square of foil and raising your brows suggestively. "you come prepared." rafe snorted, his cock starting to harden underneath you, his hands resting on your hips.

"i have a whole box of these in my own room. i hid one here just in case." you grinned suggestively, grabbing the hem of your shirt and taking it off, throwing it onto the ground. rafe's eyes went wide, and the boy could feel his throat get dry as you revealed your bare chest to him.

"i... i don't think i can ever get used to this." he mumbled quietly, his hand slowly trailing up your waist, his thumb pressing against your pebbled nipple.

"what, getting to see boobs in real life and not on your two computer screens?" you giggled, watching as your boyfriend's cheeks reddened underneath you, a pout on his lips, but giving rafe a small peck on his lips was enough to make it go away. "you need help putting this on?" you asked, ripping the condom wrapper open with your teeth and grinning at him.

it had been so long since you'd actually had something other than fingers or plastic inside of you that feeling his warm cock stretching you was almost... new. you couldn't help but gasp into his mouth, your lips pressed against his, barely even kissing, your breaths mingling together.

"fuck..." rafe mumbled, the noise drowned out by your lips on his. you smiled, moving your hips up, swallowing a breathy sigh the boy underneath you let out. you pulled your lips further from his, looking down at him as you moved your hips over him, the boy's blue eyes glassy and blissed out.

"you look so cute under me." you moan as you sink yourself down on him again, your hand tangling in his hair, tugging on the sand-colored strands as you move on top of him, rafe's grip on your hips tightening. you tugged his head back by his hair, the prettiest whine leaving rafe's lips, making you smile as you brought your lips to his once again. "clit." you whispered, placing a featherlight peck on his lips, the boy looking up at you with a dazed expression that was the most adorable thing in the world. "clit, baby."

rafe's eyes widened slightly, making you chuckle, before his hand moved closer to your pussy, your wet heat clenching around him as rafe brought his thumb to draw small circles onto your clit, small gasps escaping your lips.

"good boy..." one of your hands travelled down the nape of his neck, now trailing over the short strands, rafe shiverring under you in a way that made your entire body vibrate.

"feels so good..." rafe mumbled, bringing his lips to your chest, giving your hard nipple the tiniest of licks, "fuck..." you threw your head back in pleasure. at that moment, it didn't matter to you that you'd slept with people before him, or that he hadn't; because nothing in your life had felt as fulfilling as this.

"i-i'm getting close..." rafe moaned, the vibrations against your nipple causing shivers to run down your spine, rafes hips bucking up into you as you picked up the pace of your own hips, bringing your lips down on his, kissing the boy.

"'s okay..." you breathed out, continuing to move on top of him, pulling back slightly so your nose was pressed against his, looking at his closed eyes with such fondness, "let go for me, baby."

"f-fuck... oh, fuck..." rafe groaned underneath you as you continued moving your hips, bringing your hand to rest over his between your legs, guiding him to press more urgent circles on your clit as you looked down at the blissed out face of your boyfriend, his mouth open wide.

you couldn't help yourself, feeling the pressure in your stomach release as you started clenching around him, another round of gasps leaving rafe's lips, his eyelids twitching as his lips screwed into an adorable smile.

it wasn't long until the two of you were side by side in the small bed in rafe's dorm, your manicured nails drawing little hearts on his chest as you listened to his heartbeat, a small smile on your lips. you lifted your head up slightly, and your eyes flickered to his blue ones, glimmering due to the sunlight flooding in through the blinds, the boy looking down at you with a small smile. "what are you looking at?" he asked softly.

"you." you whispered, "hey, rafe?"

"what is it?" rafe stroked your hair, that adorable dimple showing up on his cheek, making you wanna poke it. and it all felt so perfect, all made you feel like you could go the rest of your life looking at that dimple, like you could go the rest of your life looking at no one but him.

"i love you."

rafe's eyes widened, his smile slightly fading before another one appeared, now one that didn't show his dimple, the boy clearing his throat before muttering out a response.

"that's... that's sweet. thank you."

[bunnliix]

When Eight Becomes Nine - Chapter Nineteen

So this chapter was half written over a month ago, and then school happened, but here it is!! I hope you all like it. plus some spice at the end

Pairing: Ateez x 9th member!reader  Summary: Y/n had a meeting with the managers, and then we get some studio time with the boys, and then onto dance practice! wc: 1621 AU: a/b/o  Genre: Fluff/Angst, with a slight bit of suggestive content warnings: suggestive content at the very end, anxiety, threats, mentions of unseen ass eating, I think that's it, but if I've missed any, please tell me! masterlist

Before either rapper could get another word out, the door opened and a staff member peeked in. “Hello, we need y/n for a moment.” They said to the trio in the room, eyes focused on Hongjoong. Hongjoong looked over at Mingi, both of them a bit suspicious about the intentions of staff, before realizing they shouldn’t antagonize their management any further, for now.

“Go on, y/n-ah,” the captain told the omega, “You remember the way here, yes? Come right back after you’re finished, if staff doesn’t bring you back.” Y/n got off of the couch and stood up, her hands coming to rest in front of her, as she tried to hide her nerves at being alone with the staff members. But she took a deep breath and gathered all her courage as she followed the staff member out of Hongjoong’s studio.

Following the staff member through the various hallways and down a floor, until the reached a similar conference room as the ones they had been in prior. Entering the room, they found a mix of staff members, and the production crew.

“Hello, y/n,” Ateez’s main manager welcomed her in, as she sat down, “We’re here to chat about your role in Ateez.”

That put her on edge, and she wished she had one of the others there, as she would be way out of her depth. “What about my role?” She asked.

“Well, as evidenced by the feedback we heard from Hongjoong, you would fit in as a rapper, however we think that you would do better with some vocal training. Your improvement both vocally and dancing will also determine if you remain in the group, as if you don’t show improvement in both areas, we will terminate your employment and your place in the group.” He told you, in a very no nonsense tone, which was reflected in the serious expression on his face.

Y/n felt her stomach drop, her hands that were hidden by the table, were gripping the hem of her top so tightly that her fingers were almost cramping. She had to take a moment to calm herself down, to try and keep herself from either crying or yelling.

“I’m sure I’ll improve in both categories, and I already know that the members will be working with me both vocal and dance-wise.” She replied, her voice shaking the tiniest bit.

“Well, we hope that you’ll improve quickly then,” one of the others spoke up.

Y/n hadn’t seen this person before, though she assumed they were either from Ateez’s staff, or just a member of the company.

“I shall do my best to live up to expectations then,” Y/n knew her tone was a bit clipped, her frustration with this meeting slipping through.

If they didn’t think she was good enough, or needed improvement, why did she make the shortlist then? Considering that her being chosen was a staff decision. Either way, she would play by their rules, it wouldn’t be wise to make an enemy out of the company. However, it didn’t mean she would have to like it. But, she did sign up for it, so she’d go with the flow for now.

“May I return to the studio now? I don’t want to fall further behind than I already am,” she said.

“Of course. I assume you know your way back?” She was asked by the main manager, her main manager now, and y/n nodded. 

It was made clear by him that she was free to leave, and she made her exit quickly, and travelled back to Hongjoong’s studio, taking about five minutes to get there. Before she knocked on the door, she pulled her phone out, finding that the meeting had lasted 20 minutes, though it felt both shorter and longer than that. Raising her hand to knock on the wooden door, it was quickly opened by Mingi, and behind him she could see Hongjoong at the desk. 

“Oh, you’re back! That wasn’t long, what did they want to discuss with you?” Hongjoong asked, as she entered the room after Mingi moved out of the way.

“Oh, uhm, it was just some things regarding the group and my role, that’s all,” y/n replied, trying not to get into it much, even as she tugged at her outfit in slight anxiety. She was trying to keep a tight grip on her scent, so as not to derail their plans for the day, since she knew that that would likely happen if either alpha knew of the meeting’s contents.

She could tell that neither man was convinced with her answer, but they weren’t going to push the topic further, thankfully.

“Well, Mingi and I prepared some lines for you to try, so go ahead and hop in there so we can get started.” Hongjoong said, after a moment of silence.

Y/n followed the captain’s words, slipping into the recording booth and getting ready to start recording. She took a moment to leaf through the pages set out for her, finding that they had pulled a range of lines from throughout their songs, and from all the different members’ lines as well. She assumed it was to test her range, and see what might fit her for past and future songs. She saw a few of her own favorite lines in there, so she smiled at the sight of them. Hongjoong wanted to test her with lines like San’s first lines in Answer, or some of Wooyoung’s from Bouncy, among others. She finished getting herself set up, before looking up at the two men.

“I’m ready when you are,” she said to them, “Where do I start?”

“Start with Yeosang’s lines in Hala Hala. They should be the first one on that top page, if you haven’t messed them up in your look through them.” Mingi replied, being a little sassy.

“I will have you know that I didn’t. Plus I’m not the one who destroys their outfits, oppa.” She replied, just as snarky, referencing the many outfit mishaps with Mingi’s clothes.

“That’s uncalled for!” The taller rapper replied, though he had a smirk on his face that showed he wasn’t actually upset.

“Let’s focus, please.” Hongjoong said, before the conversation could derail them any further. “When you’re ready, y/n-ah.”

She nodded, and signalled that she was ready, and Hongjoong started up the music for her. She took a deep breath, before starting to sing. She knew this line was a bit difficult for her at times, but she powered through and hoped her voice didn’t crack on her.

Thankfully, it went smoothly, and after a few repeats of it, they had her move onto another line. And this is how it went for hours afterwards, or at least it seemed that long to y/n, since one couldn’t really tell how much time has passed since they came here. That was a downside to being indoors with no windows, and the reason she liked them, since she did seem to lose track of time, much like they seemed to do today.

“And you’re done, that was the last line we wanted you to try.” Mingi told her, beckoning her to come out of the booth, and she quickly did so, happy to be out of there.

She grabbed her phone which she had left on the couch, finding that it had only been an hour and a half since she went inside to record. She also found she had messages from those back home, including two she dearly missed. She had meant to text or call them, but with the chaos here, hadn’t gotten the chance to, besides that first night at the dorms. Remembering to message them later once she had finished for the day, she asked the two men where she had to go next.

“It’s time to go to the practice room next, with all of us this time.” Hongjoong said to her, grabbing his bag as Mingi did the same, before ushering the three of them out of the studio.

“This way,” Mingi said, grabbing y/n’s hand so they wouldn’t get left behind. “It’s just a floor down from here, it’s not far once you know the way. I’m excited to see what our firecracker can do. Yunho and Sannie spoke fairly highly of your skills, and how fast you learn.”

“I still have a lot to learn, I’m not sure I’ve earned their praise yet.” Y/n said, her cheeks warming up at Mingi’s words.

Hongjoong kept the elevator open for them, coughing to remind them he was inside, as they slipped in, both a bit embarrassed that they hadn’t noticed the older man entering it. He quickly punched the button to go down to the next floor, and it only took a second to get there, so they quickly exited once the doors opened, and walked the small distance to the practice room, passing a few of the Xikers members on the way. She bowed in greeting as the elder two idols promised the younger ones that they’d introduce their new member to the whole group soon.

“We’re here,” Hongjoong announced, only to stop quickly, not letting y/n pass through the door, though he let Mingi. “Guys, really?” He said, it being immediately clear that the man was disappointed with whatever was going on in there.

“Are you really surprised, hyung? It’s us.” She heard Jongho’s voice come from inside the room.

“No, I’m not, but y/n is here, and I’m sure as hell that she wouldn’t want to see you getting your ass eaten out in the practice room, Jung Wooyoung.”

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[leyavo]

| The Bite | 4

Part 4

Previous parts -> [series Masterlist]

Johnny confronts Human!reader and you try to figure out your place in the 141 pack with new found information. Confused about the new dynamic, Gaz steps in to help you.

[18+] MDNI

Ever since you got the alpha’s bite, it felt like lightning surging through your veins. The blood pulses in your ears, heart beat drumming against your chest faster than you’re used to, as if it was trying to escape. The withdrawal symptoms Price had warned you of. Something that would calm down and return to your normal human self soon.

“You reek of him.”

The beta in front of you though, you don’t recognise. His nose scrunched up,lip curled in disgust as he flinches away from your outstretched hand. You know something’s missing though, not just his soft gaze whenever he used to look at you but your chest feels like there’s a gaping void that cannot be filled. A part of you missing. Him.

You’ve been ignoring the crushing weight on your chest for days, chasing whatever high with Price or Ghost. In hopes of finding that feeling again. You don’t think that’s possible anymore though, not as you blink back at Johnny.

“Do you realise what you’ve done?” He snarls, jabbing a finger to your neck. A growl tearing from his throat and you stumble back, head dropping in submission. Something you’d never done in his presence before.

He releases a deep breath, dropping his duffle bag to the floor. “You’re not mine anymore, you’re his. I can’t just bite you and override an Alpha’s mark or your instincts.”

Your tongue heavy, mouth dry as you let his words sink in. Johnny had never called you his, vowed not to treat you like an object or someone to fill his needs. The complete opposite of Price and Ghost.

You glance at the one bag by his boots. “I can’t come home with you?” Home, the MacTavish’s had been your only safe space since you’d left the human collectives behind. You didn’t know any different. Didn’t want to.

“No,” he snaps, snatching his duffle from the floor and slinging it back over his shoulder. “That’s not your home anymore or your pack. You stay here with your Alpha.”

“Huh?” You blink, willing yourself to stand as Johnny stalks towards you.

“Price will tell you to jump and you’re wired to ask how high. That knot in your stomach,” he pokes the area, his other palm resting on your hip. “That’s your bond, every time he looks at you, that knot tightens and it’ll tug you towards him. There’s no fighting an alpha, even I can’t.”

“Please,” you beg, fingers grasping the fabric of his hoody, but he shrugs you off. Won’t even look you in the eye as if it’ll anger her even more. It’s like he’s trying not to breathe around you, the space increasing as you stumble back.

“You’ve made your bed, now lie in it.”

Oof, that hit you in the gut. He might as well as hit you because it hurt just the same.

He grabs you by the elbow and guides you out of his bedroom, touch brief as he lets go to lock his door.

“Don’t want your scent in my room,” he mumbles, he taps your chin as if second guessing whether or not Initiate a hug but thinks better of it. “Be good for your Alpha.”

Alpha, you hated the way Johnny spat the word at you. Not used to his harsh side.

You watch Johnny disappear down the hallway, your finger tracing your stomach and the new bond that tightens. Nothing felt real, your whole being numb. How the fuck were you going to navigate Johnny’s world without him? He was the one that brought you into it.

You’re not accustomed to the cold, the radiating heat that rolled off Johnny used to keep you warm.

Now, you were forced to seek that warmth from Price or Ghost. Hopping in and out of their beds, leaning into the bond to ease the knot in your stomach and satisfy them. You’re out of your depth and they’re making the most of teaching you certain things.

You sit on the edge of Price’s bed, the tapping of his fingers clicking the keyboard of his laptop as he hunches over his desk. A pile of paperwork calling his attention, but every now and then his large hand reaches back to you, pawing your knee, his knuckles tracing the side of your thigh. You hate to admit it, but you find yourself edging closer to him each time, chasing the heat of his touch.

Different from the relaxed nature you had with Johnny. No, you could lounge around whilst he did his own thing. With an Alpha you now understood the way the beta had described the bond to you. How Price would say something and you were quick to act, no push back or whining. You couldn’t understand how Ghost managed to pique your interest though, how he knew what to say and how to command the tug.

It’s like there’s an invisible string and they’re pulling on it whenever they’re near. There’s no tug of war though, you can’t help but want to follow, to figure out what an alpha really is. You’d heard stories as child from the humans about how they tore apart villages and hunted those wandering their lands.

“Why don’t you go rest tonight,” Price grumbled, not looking back at you as he nudges your leg off the bed. You linger for a second before he nudges you again and exit his bedroom, closing his door behind you.

Rest, you don’t know where exactly you’ll be doing that as you stare at the open closet of the hallway. The one thing you were allowed from Johnny’s room was your pillow, his scent still clinging to fabric. You hugged the lumpy pillow to your chest and pressed your nose to that last scrap of comfort.

Johnny’s been gone nearly a week now and all you want to do is lay with him. You don’t deserve that though.

“Take it you’ve never been around alpha’s till now?”

You flinch, those damned shifters too silent that you couldn’t hear him creeping down the hallway. Another pack member, Gaz who thankfully has given you space to settle in before approaching you.

He raises his palms, slow and deliberate steps as he inched closer. “Night off?” Like your some frightened deer, maybe you are in their eyes.

Nodding, you glance to Johnny’s door wishing for someone to just open it so you can sleep without any interruptions. That and because it has been home for you these past few months whilst at the residential house. Johnny used to be home too.

“Come on,” Gaz says, taking your pillow and scooping your hand up in his. You don’t know why, but you let him guide you to his room savouring the heat of his palm on your cold skin. There’s something soothing in the way he holds you, a whisper telling you to trust him. So you do.

He peels back the thick duvet on his bed, flinging one of his pillows to the floor so he can place yours there instead. He begins to plump the feathers, but pauses and looks back at you.

“I don’t want anything from you,” Gaz says as he climbs over the mattress and slips under the covers. “We just sleep, nothing else.” The first shifter you’d met who remained gentle and soft when it came to you. And didn’t want to bite you.

You crawled under the duvet, Gaz tucking you in beside him. “Thank you,” you whisper, lying on your side, eyes fluttering shut as you get a whiff of Johnny.

“It takes a while to get used to an alpha’s overpowering presence…” Gaz whispers, his pointer finger smoothing your furrowed brow. “Probably why you’ve got a headache too, well that and…” his words trail off, teeth sinking into his bottom lip.

“You can just say it.”

He shakes his head. “I’m a delta, I don’t need all that.”

“A delta?” Alpha, beta, omega how many more were there? Johnny never did quite run through the whole ranking system of a pack with you. You knew some, but not in detail. Your lack of knowledge going against you.

He tilts his head, hazel eyes flitting the curves of your face. “Goddess, did Johnny not teach you the fundamentals? The basic biology and hierarchy of a pack?” Gaz sits up in bed, leaning over you to flick the lamp on. He rests his back on the headboard, the shake of his head telling you he was annoyed.

At you, you weren’t sure. He turns his body to face yours and waits for you sit up too. Least with Price and Ghost, you could feel the bond pulling you to them. Gaz didn’t give you much to go on though and it reminded you of the human connections you left behind years ago.

“Alphas have way more energy, they need a pack to guide and you know, they also have to give into those instincts more,” he glances down to your hand, fingers twisted in the sheets. “You’re familiar with Beta’s though, as Johnnys family, the pack you were first in were yours and you theirs.”

Yeah, the MacTavish’s were all beta’s. They flowed easily and you settled in with no problems. A family pack a whole lot different to one like the 141.

“There’s a reason you felt called to the Alpha, it’s natural. Johnny forgets that even though you are human, you’re not immune to their influence. He should have prepared you more. The moment Johnny joined this pack, you also did unknowingly too because you had his mark.”

You wondered if Johnny had known that in bringing you here, you’d have this fate.

“You know that bites don’t turn you humans into one of us,” he says, smile tugging his lips as you nodded. “The intent behind the bite makes all the difference. Johnny, a beta he marked you to protect and look out for you. Price did it to overrule his beta, alpha’s don’t like being told what they can’t have and Johnny said you’re off limits.”

Your heart skips a beat, “I can’t say no to the alpha?” You whispered. Shit, maybe you should have listened to the humans more growing up. Why did Johnny have to be so nice when you were younger? Kinder than your human family.

Gaz scoffed, “of course ya can! Although the bond with an alpha makes it harder to do so. You’re gonna have to explore it in order to control it.”

If you can learn to control it maybe you could manipulate it to go in your favour. You can’t override an Alpha’s bite, nor can you fight it.

“Great,” you mumbled, scooting closer to Gaz who’d squeezed himself against the wall trying to give you space. “I’m so cold can I?” You asked, still moving closer. He nods, lifting his arm and draping it over your hip, the heat of his body washing over you.

“I’ll talk to them in the morning, what I’m for. A delta balances out the stronger energies and keeps them in check. The moral compass of the pack.”

Human!reader 🤝 Delta!Gaz teaming up…still lots for them to figure out.

I’m dyslexic so there might be mistakes/errors even though I do edit multiple times -Leya

[anotherworld08]

☆Not So Secret☆

The Burrow was louder than usual, and that was saying a lot.

Spring had finally nudged winter out of the way, and the Weasley house was overflowing with life: windows flung open to let in sun and air, garden gnomes yelping as they were tossed over the fence, and Molly Weasley humming as she chopped vegetables for dinner.

Fred, however, was sweating bullets.

He wasn’t supposed to be here today. Or rather, she wasn’t. Y/N Malfoy — a name that had no business blending into a place like the Burrow — had dropped by under the most casual, innocent excuse: returning a charmed pocket-watch he’d left behind after their last Hogsmeade trip. She’d planned to apparate in, hand it off, and be gone before anyone even noticed.

But fate, it seemed, had other plans.

The plan started unraveling the moment she arrived. Fred had barely stepped out into the yard to meet her when the unmistakable pop of Apparition echoed from behind the house — and in true Weasley fashion, George rounded the corner almost immediately.

Fred barely had time to stuff the watch into his pocket when George’s voice rang out.

“Oi, Mum says get your lazy arse in for dinner —”

He froze mid-sentence, his eyes landing on Y/N. She stood perfectly still, looking only slightly less panicked than Fred, like a cat caught in a beam of lumos.

George blinked.

Y/N, to her credit, recovered first. She raised a single brow, cool as ever. “Evening.”

George looked between them, his mouth twitching slightly as he took in the scene: Fred looking like a kid caught stealing biscuits, and Y/N Malfoy standing in the Burrow’s backyard like she belonged there.

“Evening,” George echoed, tone dangerously casual. “Fancy seeing you here.”

Y/N tilted her head, giving the faintest hint of a smile. “Returning something Fred left behind. Thought I’d spare the owl the trip.”

George let the silence stretch for a beat too long. His sharp brown eyes flicked from her to Fred and back, piecing things together with uncomfortable ease.

“Well,” he said at last, “I hope whatever it was is worth all the trouble.”

Before Fred could muster even a half-baked excuse, Molly’s voice rang out from the kitchen window.

“Fred, who was that at the door?”

Fred cringed. Y/N, knowing the jig was up, lifted a hand in silent farewell and Disapparated with a soft crack, leaving behind only the faint scent of lavender and the sound of Fred’s stomach sinking to his shoes.

“Friend from school!” Fred called back, a little too loudly, turning to find George still staring at him.

George folded his arms. “Friend, huh?”

Fred sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Alright, look. I was going to tell you. I just… didn’t.”

George snorted. “You think I’m daft? The way you looked at her just now, mate — Merlin’s beard, you might as well have been carrying a banner that said ‘I fancy her.’”

Fred groaned. “George—”

But George just clapped a hand on his shoulder, and his voice, when it came, was surprisingly gentle.

“Malfoy, though? Bloody hell. You don’t half make things interesting.”

Before Fred could respond, the kitchen door banged open. Ginny poked her head out, squinting into the evening light.

“Who was that? Thought I saw someone standing with you.”

Fred froze. George, bless his soul, didn’t miss a beat.

“Just some owl delivery. Wrong house.”

Ginny frowned, clearly suspicious but not invested enough to argue. She disappeared back inside.

George turned back to Fred with a smirk. “You’re lucky I’m good under pressure.”

Fred let out a laugh, more nervous than amused. “I owe you one.”

“You owe me more than one, mate,” George said, tapping his temple. “But you’d better tell the rest of the family before someone else catches her here. You know Mum’s got eyes like a hawk.”

Fred never got the chance to come clean on his own terms.

Two days later, it happened. Spectacularly.

It was a Sunday. Sundays at the Burrow meant two things: laundry flapping on the line, and the entire house crammed around the table for Molly’s roast dinner. Fred had managed to go about the day with relative calm, though the memory of Y/N’s visit still sat sharp in his mind.

After the plates were cleared, Arthur decided to fiddle with his latest Muggle gadget: an old two-way mirror he’d enchanted to work like a Muggle “video phone.” Everyone took turns poking at it, half-bored, until George, grinning devilishly, swiped it from Percy’s hands.

“Let’s see if this thing can make prank calls,” he joked, tapping the side of the mirror as if dialing.

But the mirror, apparently still linked to its last user, flickered to life on its own.

Fred froze the moment the glass brightened. There, clear as day, was Y/N — sitting comfortably in her room, brushing her hair. The golden “M” crest on the bedpost behind her was unmistakable.

The room went silent.

She hadn’t noticed the connection yet, humming softly to herself, until Arthur, squinting, leaned in.

“Isn’t that—?”

Y/N glanced at the mirror, blinked, and then her face went from curious to horrified in half a heartbeat.

“Fred,” she said flatly.

Fred buried his face in his hands.

Y/N, ever the composed Slytherin, straightened her posture and gave the mirror an unflinching, if slightly resigned, smile. “Well. I suppose the secret’s out.”

There was a long, long pause.

Molly was the first to speak, her voice barely above a whisper. “You’re dating a Malfoy.”

It wasn’t a question.

Fred looked up sheepishly, ears burning. “Yeah. I am.”

For a moment, no one moved. Then, slowly, George leaned back in his chair, arms behind his head, whistling low under his breath.

“I knew it,” he muttered, more proud than surprised.

Ron’s mouth opened and closed like a gaping fish, Hermione beside him looked vaguely scandalized, and Ginny wore an expression that landed somewhere between “disappointed sister” and “impressed troublemaker.”

Arthur, bless him, only adjusted his glasses and gave Fred a measured look. “She seems polite.”

Molly, on the other hand, looked like she needed to sit down, which she did, rather heavily.

“Of all the girls in Britain, Fred,” she said, shaking her head, though her voice was more baffled than angry. “A Malfoy?”

Fred rubbed the back of his neck, shifting in his chair like it was covered in spikes. “She’s not like them, Mum. I swear. She’s smart, and funny, and — I don’t know. She’s different.”

Y/N, still visible in the mirror, raised a brow at the understatement but said nothing, waiting.

Arthur cleared his throat, glancing between his wife and the mirror. “Well, dear, it seems Fred’s already made up his mind. And if the girl’s willing to put up with this lot, she must have some patience.”

Molly looked at her son, then at the girl in the mirror. Mauve held her gaze, calm and unapologetic. Finally, Molly exhaled a long, slow breath.

“I suppose I’ll have to meet you properly then, won’t I?”

Y/N smiled, sharp but sincere. “I’d like that, Mrs. Weasley.”

When the mirror blinked dark again, the room buzzed back to life, half the family talking over each other, and Fred sat there, still stunned but oddly lighter.

Later that night, Fred found George leaning against the back garden fence, hands stuffed into his pockets.

“You’re braver than I gave you credit for,” George said without turning around. “Not for dating her — for hiding it from Mum.”

Fred chuckled, joining him, the night cool and soft around them. “You’re not angry?”

George shook his head. “Nah. I figured it out the second I saw you two in the yard. Malfoy or not, I haven’t seen you this stupidly happy in years.”

Fred smiled, the tension finally bleeding out of his shoulders. “It’s serious, you know.”

“I know,” George said simply. “And I’m glad.”

The two of them stood there a while longer, watching the stars blink awake in the darkening sky.

And for the first time in weeks, Fred knew — really knew — that everything was going to be alright.

[xetlynn]

Scars and Faint Memories

Vanessa Palmer x Fem! Reader

chapter four<- -> chapter five -> chapter six

warnings: mentions of blood, wounds, drinking and driving. Lottie’s crash out.

1996

You sit with Coach, Misty and Travis inside the cabin as the song “This is How We Do It” by Montell Jordan plays via your walkman in a metal bucket. Mari counts from the start. “One, two, one-two-three-four.” 

And on cue the girls, plus Javi break out into their choreographed dance that they’ve created from being here so long and having nothing better to do. They were grateful for your walkman and extra batteries you brought. As were you since this is one of your enjoyments in life. 

“And running man, running man!” Mari, Akilah, Lottie and Van say so the girls do the next steps in the dance. You cheer for them beside Coach, the two of you grinning at them. You weren’t much of a dancer. As much as you love music you didn’t particularly relish in dancing. You did however appreciate watching the others have fun. 

Jackie, Shauna, Natalie and Laura Lee lead into the next move: the Bart Simpson. “And Javi- Javi, you’re late!” Mari calls out the boy to which you laugh. He hurries to get on beat, Taissa jumping in to assist and the group re-synchronizes. Misty applauds the girls. You peer over to see Travis even grinning at the girls. 

But good things weren’t meant to last, especially out here. The tape begins to struggle and the song slows down, distorting eerily before stopping completely. The girls stand helplessly and you go over to it, along with Van who picks it up. Giving it a few smacks filled with hope but to no avail. You frown. 

“Has hitting something ever fixed it?” The redhead murmurs, mainly to herself. “Maybe try blowing on it.” Mari suggests and you take the small thing from Van and deeply frown. This was your sense of comfort. Something you’ve held onto ever since you got it.  You had no more batteries. You put the last ones in it last week. 

A sustained scraping noise emits from upstairs in the attic and Jackie is the first to speak. “Um. The fuck is that?” 

“You hear it, too?” Lottie asks and you give her a strange expression. “It’s probably just a branch.” Taissa replies, not believing there could be something up there. “Inside? On the floor?” Mari crosses her arms, then a small realization hits her. “What if it’s him?” She motions, bringing up the dead guy. Both you and Taissa snort. 

“You know what it probably was? The dead guys missing fingers… trying to find their way home.” Natalie deadpans and you bump her with your hip, the two of you finding it amusing. This prompts squeals from the girls though and a glare from Taissa. “You really have to encourage them?” 

“You gotta admit, it didn’t sound like it was on the roof.” Akilah says with a shaken expression. “Fine, so it was a rat. Or, a raccoon. Or, I dunno.” Jackie pouts. “Shh! Listen!” Lottie quiets everyone. Everyone pauses, but there’s only silence. “Well I don’t hear it now.” Mari huffs. 

“See?” Taissa rolls her eyes and before it can grow into a debate Coach Scott finally adds into the conversation. “You know what I think? I think the ghost decided it’s time to get some sleep. Maybe we should do the same.” 

This doesn’t lead to an argument, the girls all getting their sleeping equipment out and you cling onto your walkman sadly. Setting up your blankets with your empty hand. “I’m sorry, [Name].” Natalie whispers and you just shrug your shoulders. “It’s fine, I got a bit out of it.” You sigh, gently placing it inside your backpack. 

The two of you set up beside one another like you have been since the beginning. 

Van observes you from afar, the candle light hitting you perfectly. She can’t get over how ethereal you are. How the curvature of your face always captures light and shadows perfectly. It never fails to amaze her. Taissa comes up from behind the redhead, following her eyes and seeing you. She scoffs out a chuckle. Earning Vanessa’s attention and she furrows her brows up at the girl. 

“What?” She whispers and Taissa gives her a “are you serious?” look. “Right.” Van sighs, sitting down on her blankets. “You two seriously aren’t talking still?” Tai joins her on the ground. You glance over to them as you lay in your spot, holding onto Natalie’s hand. Playing with her fingers like you’ve done since the two of you started having sleepovers years ago. 

You wonder what the two are talking about, completely oblivious to the fact that it’s about you. Your jealousy seeps in at the sight of them sitting so close to one another. You wanted to be in Taissa’s place, but the fear of the unknown always crept up whenever you tried to speak to Van. 

The fear of what others would think about you. The fear of the secret you’ve held in for years coming out to people. The fear of rejectment, not only from Van but from others. You’ve spent so much time keeping to yourself, only holding onto your friendship with Natalie that opening yourself up to someone else was scary. 

Walls were built sturdy and you couldn’t let some girl knock them down. 

“No, she avoids me like I’m some kind of plague. I don’t know what I did.” Van runs a hand through her hair, racking her brain for ideas of what she could’ve done to you. “She will stand beside me when we’re with the others but if she finds herself alone with me it’s like I have some sort of repellent on me.” Van vents, staring off at the ground. 

Not seeing the eyes that stay on her from afar. Burning a hole into her head. 

“Try to like… corner her or something.” Taissa mutters, not knowing how to help in this situation to which Van laughs. “Yeah, cause that will really make her want me.” Van shakes her head at the suggestion to which Taissa snickers as well. “I don’t mean like weirdly corner her. Catch her at a good time where the two of you are alone.” 

“That’s the thing, I have done that. Around the time we found this place. We got interrupted and nothing’s been better since.” Van explains and Taissa contorts her face, feeling bad. “Damn… what did you do?” 

Van’s face falls and she snaps her head in the direction of her friend. “Has anyone ever told you how helpful and comforting you are?” Van says with a wooden expression. Taissa presses her lips together at her own amusement. “I don’t think I have.” She admits. “Yeah, no duh.” Van breathes out sharply. 

Adjusting herself so she can lay down dramatically. Taissa sits there, raising a brow down at her. 

In the morning everyone is on the move. Everyone has synched up on their periods so it was cruel living. Pushing yourselves to do the chores that needed to be done with a grudge to the world. 

You were in extreme pain, feeling it in your lower back and legs. Still you pushed yourself to go find wood for a fire alongside Taissa. “Shit.” You stumble, dropping the wood you’ve collected and placing your hands on your hips as pain shoots through you. “You okay?” Taissa comes to your side, picking up what you’ve dropped. 

“Yeah, this just fucking sucks.” You whine, squeezing your eyes shut for a moment before sucking a breath and helping regrab the large wood that needs to be chopped up. “I’m sorry, I remember how bad your cramps were in middle school.” She sympathizes with you. 

“Yeah, and I didn’t bring my pain meds on this stupid trip cause I didn’t know we’d be fucking stuck out here.” You groaned, mainly complaining to yourself but still Taissa listened to you nonetheless. It was rare you vented to anyone and for some reason when you do people treat it as a privilege. “God damn.” You huff, kicking the dirt after standing up straight, moving the wood in your arms so you can grab the others from Tai. 

“I think I have some ibuprofen. If it gets too bad. Same with Misty” She offers and you shake your head. “We should save it for emergencies or the others, God knows how long we’ll fucking be here.” You say in a sad but irritated tone. You knew you could be real with Taissa. With the others you wanted to give them a sense of hope. Sometimes it’s too much though. 

“Oh, no more, don't worry, we’ll be saved in no time. We’re just in the middle of nowhere. It takes time. Coming from you?” She raises a brow trying to bring some sort of humor out which you snort. “We’re older, we gotta comfort them somehow.” You roll your eyes. 

“I mean they’re not that much younger than us. We shouldn’t give them false hope.” She tilts her head and you scrunch your nose at her words. “Probably but also having no hope doesn’t get you anywhere. You’ll get all “pity us, pity me, what’s the point of this if we are never saved.” You mock with a higher pitched voice and this time Taissa lets out a laugh. “Do you believe we’ll be saved? Truly?” The girl goes serious and you stop in your tracks. 

Rubbing your lips together as you think. “I guess, I think we will eventually. Who knows, we could be who saves us.” You shrug your shoulders as if it were a simple answer. Taissa takes in what you say. 

“What about you, Miss Turner?” You nudge her and she laughs in annoyance at your choice of nickname for her. “I want to say yes, that we will be. As the days go on I feel myself getting more restless. More drained emotionally. I want to go home. I want to fucking eat fries or some unhealthy shit.” She rants to which you smile at. 

“I miss my bed for sure.” She glances down to the wood. “I miss not having to chop fucking wood too.” And you chuckle, silently agreeing with her. 

You miss your siblings the most, yeah your bed and maybe even your mom. But your siblings. They’re all you can think about during this time. It keeps you up at night what they’re doing, how they’re processing you not being there. How your mom told them about your plane missing. Or if she told them something else. What kind of lie did she tell them? 

You shake your head, not needing to think about that right now. You feel your heart thudding in your chest and you take a deep breath in. “So… did you have a thing with anyone back home?” Taissa randomly asks and you give her a look. “I’m trying to make conversation here.” She defends herself and you just laugh. 

“No, I didn’t. Never really have had anyone… that way.” You mumble out, pursing your lips out at the thought of a relationship with a man. “You?” You switch it to her and she shakes her head. 

“Nah, not a lot of gay girls around.” She sighs and your eyes widen. Slowly looking at her, her eyes already on you with a smug expression. “You- you’re… gay?” You stammer. 

“Is there something wrong with that?” She inquires and you press your lips together, shaking your head furiously. “Not at all, I just… I don’t know. I wasn’t expecting you to come out to me, I guess.” You breathe out nervously. 

Unbeknownst to you it was a test, not to see if you were homophobic. But maybe if she comes out to you, you’d do the same. Possibly leading to a conversation about crushes… Attempting to be a wingman for Van. 

“Sorry, I mean. I trust you. I had a feeling you weren’t homophobic.” She jokes half-heartedly and you smile. 

“Glad I give off those vibes.” You pretend to sigh in relief, walking ahead of her to get back to the cabin. Disappointing her with your lack of… coming out as well. She thought she set it up so… amazingly!

You toss the wood down beside the stump you guys have been using to chop the wood. Your next activity was cleaning up the cabin a little more so it felt more… home-y? It’s something you briefly mentioned to a few of the girls. Sort of agreeing that you can do it as a chore. As you enter the cabin you see Natalie nudging a sleeping Jackie with her foot. 

“Jackie. Up and at 'em, or something.” She mutters to which Jackie burrows deeper under the blankets with a whine. “It’s so cold. And I have cramps.” She complains to which you snicker. “No shit. We literally all have cramps.” Natalie rolls her eyes, peering over at you with raised eyebrows and you put your hands up in defense. 

Jackie pushes off her blankets, up to her feet begrudgingly. Natalie is already leaving the building to go off doing something else. Jackie looks at you who shrugs simply. 

“I feel your pain. We let you sleep in a little later though.” You give her an empathetic smile to which she tries to do back but frowns instead. You did argue a little bit with the others to just let Jackie sleep longer. Having most of the chores taken care of but of course they’re going to deem it unfair if someone gets special treatment. 

You glance around the kitchen area, humming lowly as you try to think of where to start. Getting rid of the old nasty shit could be best. You open all of the cabinets, observing what you’re working with.The dude that lived here was not very organized… You begin to wonder if the man was always alone out here. 

If he had a wife or a friend. And if not… Why would he want to be isolated? Why would he choose to be alone with his own thoughts? His own being? The thought of being truly alone with no one… ever… is a scary, scary thought. Which is funny because you hated socializing. You hated it with a passion. 

Or you just hated the idea of being judged and picked apart if someone got to know you. 

Nah… it was definitely socialization… 

You head to the pantry that also leads to the attic with a ladder. You look at what you’re dealing with in there as well. All the cans and jars. Either empty or filled with maggots and other bugs you couldn’t name even if you tried. 

And from outside the door of the cabin, there stands a certain redhead. Knocking up the courage to talk to you. Her chance to do so. She sighs at herself, walking over to Taissa. 

“I can’t do it.” She throws her arms in the air and the curly-haired girl makes a confused look. “She’s there, alone in the cabin and I can’t do it. I feel like a little bitch.” She exclaims and Taissa puts the axe down, wiping the sweat from her forehead. 

“I mean you are kind of being one.” Taissa says with no remorse. “Just act like you’re looking for something. I don’t know. If you really want to talk to her you’ll make something up.” She grabs the axe, looking at Van patiently to see what the girl’s going to do. Either bother her some more or go to you. 

“You’re so much help.” 

“So, I’ve been told.” Taissa rolls her eyes with a smirk, commenting back to last night’s conversation. “I tried helping you earlier, came out to her and everything. She did not have much to say.” She lets out a low whistle, looking down at the wood she still has to chop. 

“Why would you coming out to her help me?” Van asks with knitted bros. “I don’t know! Possibly lead to like… a conversation about girls we’ve been interested in! Ya know…” She looks back at how that was probably a stupid decision but at the same time doesn’t regret it very much. 

Van just sits there with a blankless look on her face not even knowing how to respond. “I’m gonna go talk to her…” 

She walks away and Taissa just goes back to doing her chore. Trying to hurry up so she isn’t swinging a heavy axe multiple times. Arms growing sore. 

2021

You felt yourself going crazy, quitting your job not even 72 hours ago. You lay on your couch with an almost empty wine bottle. Hair looks a mess, wearing a tank top with grossly stained sweatpants. Music playing in the background on your record player, specifically Fleetwood Mac. The only thing keeping you somewhat sane. 

You move your foot with the beat of the music, humming along with the lyrics. 

The past couple of days all you’ve been thinking about is the plane crash that happened years ago. You think about everything that went down. Everything you had to endure and experience out there alongside the few you’ve recently had the joy of reconnecting with. 

The anger that seeped through you all over again. As if you were back to where you were when you got rescued. Anger that’s even fresher than that. Losing the love of your life. Betrayed by a person you thought was a close friend.

And of course the most recent events of someone you didn’t care for but survived with, dead. Hung himself. Or to Natalie, your closest friend of them all, convinced that he was murdered. A fucking psychotic woman working with her to figure out if that’s truly the case. You have Shauna down the road who honestly only talks to you when it’s most convenient. Seeing Taissa after 8 years. After what she did. Attempting to give you some meekly apology.

Your younger siblings are out of state, miles away after your mother passed. Using their inheritance to do better for themselves. Sending cards or calling you every now and then, begging you to visit them.

The worst of it though. Is the fact that all of them have lives, living them without you. And you’re stuck in place. Living off money you made in your twenties and your mother’s inheritance. Not saying that they live better, or worse. Just that they’re living and you have no purpose in them anymore. That’s at least what you’ve convinced yourself.

You stand up suddenly from your spot, anxiety hitting you. The feeling of dread overwhelming you. “Shit.” You mumble, grasping at your chest. “Stop, stop, stop.” You plead with nobody, pacing around your living room. 

“I’m fine, I’m fine.” You try to convince yourself, your hands shaking as you take in deep breaths. The feeling of panic wasn’t stopping any time soon though. You grab onto your hair, “Stop it! I’m fucking fine!” You shout into the air, yanking at your hair before hitting yourself in the head a few times. “Fucking please!” You cry out. 

Stumbling around as you’re begging to whoever is out there to stop this feeling. Taking the bottle of wine and smashing it to the ground. “God, what the fuck!” You sob with no tears coming out. 

You couldn’t stop it, after how many years of having these panic attacks you couldn’t stop it without someone else being beside you. A soothing voice or someone cracking a joke. Forcing you to listen to the music or the noises around you. You felt dizzy as you reached down for your phone. Unfortunately slipping on your rug and onto a rather large piece of glass. 

“Fuck!!” You howl in pain, you grip onto the couch, looking down at your calf that has a large chunk of broken glass sticking out. Gushing blood through your grey sweatpants. That sure stopped the panic attack… 

“Are you fucking kidding me!?” You angrily express, glaring at the wound. You stand up with a wince. Forgetting about your phone and heading to the front door with a limp. You were huffing out of breath, stopping yourself before you did anything. You bend over, attempting to take the glass out yourself but you see the blood stain grow bigger on your pants. Along with the pain growing excruciating. “Yup. Hospital… hospital.” You grimace, snatching your keys off the hook. 

You shut the door behind you, practically jumping on one leg to your car, leaning against it as you swing the door open and plop down. Slowly remembering that you’re wine drunk. 

Should you be driving? No probably not but it’s your left leg and you’re not calling the ambulance to get a huge ass bill that you definitely could afford nor are you calling for help. 

You speed on your way to the hospital. Feeling yourself incredibly lightheaded but keeping your eyes open and focused on the road. You’ve been drinking and feeling the blood drain from your body was no help either. 

You pull into the parking lot of the hospital, climbing out and almost falling to the ground as you do so. Slamming the door behind you, you limp to the front doors of the emergency room. “Fucking hell…” You murmur, shoving your keys in your pocket. “Hello?!” You slur out, slumping against the front desk. 

A lady appears and gives you a weird look. “Hi, what can I do for you?” She asks and you laugh. “Um… my leg, I broke some glass, it’s in my leg.” You answer horribly and then point behind you to the blood that has trailed behind you. Her eyes widen and you grin sweetly with half-lidded eyes.

“You think I could see a doctor?” Is the last thing you manage to get out before passing out cold against the desk then your body slipping down to the ground. 

1996

You’re putting jars on one shelf as you put the rest of the cans that weren’t used for the shooting range outside and not in the pantry. Then you can use the jars to collect the berries and nuts, Keeping a neater storage. 

You heard footsteps creaking behind you but you don’t think much of it, continuing your thing. “Need any help?” A voice cuts through your silence and you peep over to see Van standing there. You feel yourself tense up as you shake your head. “No, thank you though.” 

“Can I just… stand here then? Like an idiot of course.” She adds in the last part and you press your lips together as you try to hold in a laugh. “If you have nothing better to do, I guess I can’t stop you.” You shrug your shoulders and she smiles. This is the most you’ve said to her in a while. 

And that’s saying a lot since you’ve only just said 17 words to her. Van patiently stands there, ever so often looking behind her to see if someone was going to head inside. 

“You going to talk at all?” You speak up first, surprisingly. “Being quiet is kind of a part of the whole idiot thing I was going for but you know… I can try talking.” She sarcastically answers and you let out a “pfft.” Looking over at her with a stupid lopsided grin on your face. “So talk, idiot.” You joke and she lands a hand on her heart. 

“Man, harsh.” 

You couldn’t stop smiling at her, trying to get back to your organizing but now all you could feel is her presence. “I really didn’t do anything… right? Like the reason we barely talk isn’t because of me?” She suddenly asks and you drop your hands to your sides with a small sigh. 

You knew you couldn’t keep this going, you couldn’t just continue to ignore her. As much as you wanted to push her away. “Van, I promise you, you did absolutely nothing.” You turn to face her to show you’re sincere. 

“I’m sorry I’ve been acting like this.” You say cautiously, not knowing what your next words are going to be. “I d- I don’t really know what to tell you it was… Other than the fact that you were getting too close to me.” You shyly admit. 

“So… I mean I did do something?” She says in a more inquisitive tone. “No, no, Van.” You laugh, putting a hand on her shoulder. “I got scared once I realized how close you were getting to me. Along with the fact that y’know you caught me fucking looking at a redhead on a porno magazine.” You blurt out, sort of without thinking but for some reason it didn’t hit you. 

Van stands there for a moment. “You’re gay?” She whispers and you let out a loud laugh. “That’s what you take out of that?” You hold your stomach as you can’t stop the giggles. It was probably the anxiety but it was also incredibly amusing. You couldn't believe you were coming out to someone. 

It was humorous because you knew Taissa was trying to get it out of you earlier too. “Well, are you?” She asks and you raise a brow. “Am I?” You tease and she looks expectant, like she needed to hear you say it. “I am.” You breathe out. “You?” You point to her and she purses out her lips. 

“Me? Nah, nah, definitely not.” She sarcastically says and you gently push her. “Okay, sure.” You move past her so you can grab some sort of container for the cans. “So… redheads are something you’re interested in, in a person?” She comes up behind you as you look for a container and you freeze. 

“They’re okay, I guess.” You try not to smile. “Just okay?” She was growing bold in this moment, taking her chance. “I think redheads deserve more love. I’ll admit that.” You pull a large plastic bucket from the bottom cabinet, turning around to face Van. “That we can agree on. The lack of love we receive…” She dramatically sighs and you scoff. 

“You finished your chore already?” You change the subject. “Yeah, just waiting for the laundry to dry now.” She tells you, right behind you as you take the bucket to the pantry. Placing the cans in it. 

“That’s cool, I wish I got laundry, I think I got a few splinters.” You pout out your lips and she makes a face. “I can check for you.” She offers and you place the bucket down. Shoving your hands in her direction. “Mm, you have two. I can get them later if you want?” She glances up at you and you nod. “Sounds like a plan.” You go back to what you’re doing. Van even helps you organize the area. 

Cleaning the cobwebs, and even cleaning out the dirty fridge that’s definitely not usable but it will possibly help get rid of smells. “I’m going to take a second outside, I’ll be back.” You tell the redhead who gives you a thumbs up in return, lifting up a heavy bunch of trash that will be burned by the fire tonight after dinner. 

Taissa comes up to you with a curious expression, nosey about what Van and you talked about. “Hey, [Name]! Wait for me!” She calls and you pause in your steps to look back at her. “Oh, what’s up, Tai?” You wait for her. 

“What’s that?” She asks, motioning to the bucket. “Trash from the fridge and pantry.” You answer, showing it off. “It’s gonna get burned tonight but I don’t want it near here for right now.”

Huffing as you carry it away from the site. “Makes sense, it’s fucking gross.” She gags at it, peering away from it to look ahead. “Yeah, I’m sick of the random scents when we’re going to bed.” You laugh, hefting up the bucket from slipping in your hands. 

“I think this is a good spot.” You call, heading over to a tree and placing it down. 

You wipe sweat from your face with your shirt before standing up straight. “I wish we had ac out here.” You complain, fanning yourself dramatically and Taissa hums in agreement. It’s getting colder out so in the same breath you were fine but the feeling of a fan or ac unit just hits differently. 

As you were going to continue your complaint, walking back to the cabin the two of you pass by the structure that holds the deer carcass. Shauna kneeled down by the blood. Startled by the both of you she hides something behind her back. “Sorry, we were just-” Taissa starts but Shauna shakes her head. “It’s fine.” Bolting out of there before anything else can be said. 

Taissa and you share a look with one another, confused. “That was weird, right?” She inquires with you and you nod your head. “Isn’t she the only one without a period?” You raise a brow and Taissa gasps. “Is she?” 

“I thought so but I don’t know.” You lift your shoulders. Glancing back to where Shauna just was. “Let’s go.” Taissa grabs your wrist and forces you to be a spy with her. 

“Thanks for jinxing me.” Shauna yells to Jackie who glances up. “Welcome to Club Flo. Call me when you’re ready to shake Misty down for Motrin.” 

Jackie holds your walkman, attempting to get it to work again. Something she asked last night before going to bed. She looks hopeful as she fights with the batteries but again nothing comes out. “Ugh. Fucking cocksucker.” You smirk. 

“[Name]! You still cleaning with me!?” Van calls from the cabin, steering your attention away from the captain of your soccer team. “Yeah, yeah!” You excuse yourself from Taissa’s side. She hesitantly lets you go without a smart comment. Giving Van a wink whose face grows warm at the gesture. Once you’re inside the redhead flicks up her middle finger. Tai laughed to herself, moving onto her chore.

 

2021

You wake up groggily with an IV in your arm and a large bandage on your leg. “The fuck?” You murmur, dazed as you blink yourself awake. A body comes to your side, grabbing onto your arm. Startling you, you look up. A glimpse of red hair. “Van?” You breathe out but as you come to, your vision fixes itself. Showing not red hair, but an orange sweater. 

“[Name]? You’re awake, are you okay?” It’s Taissa, you furrow your eyebrows angrily. 

“Are you fucking kidding me!?” You attempt to sit yourself up but you’re still heavily drugged up, grabbing at your IV but Taissa stops you. “Hey, hey, I got the call you were here. I’m still on your fucking emergency contact list. Not that I wanted to be here the day before Halloween or at all.” She explains to you and your chest heaves up and down. 

“What? I changed my- how the fuck?” You question frantically, not understanding what’s happening. You sit there quietly, glaring down at the cast on your leg. Thinking about your emergency contact. You never changed your contact after 8 years of not talking to Taissa. You close your eyes, not irritated with yourself. 

“They told me you had glass so deep in your leg is scratched against your fucking bone. You’re lucky it didn’t hit an important nerve.” She tells you and you side eye her with a childish pout on your lips. “They also said you were drunk, almost hitting the legal limit. How the fuck did you drive here?” Taissa scolds you and you scoff out a laugh. 

“Barely felt a buzz.” You roll your eyes. “You say that and next thing you know you’re throwing up for four fucking hours begging for Vanessa. You’ve done it for years.” She snaps, shutting you up. 

“Look, I need to go home with my family. You have someone I can call?” She asks, folding her arms patiently. You sit there quietly. “I’m fine.” mumble. “Great, so no one. You have no one who can drive you home?” 

Silence. 

“[Name], I can’t just leave you alone, you’re obviously going through some sort of mental crisis or some shit. Who can I call?” She questions and your jaw drops in offense. “I am not going through a mental crisis!” You defend yourself and she deadpans.

“Right, so if I go to your house right now, I won’t find dozens of your favorite wine with Fleetwood Mac or The Smashing Pumpkins playing? I know you better than that.” She spits to which you just “tch” in response. 

“Have you been taking your meds?” She sighs. “No, the pharmacy hasn’t refilled them.” You answer. 

“You’re going through a manic episode. Jesus.” She pinches the bridge of her nose and you grow quiet again. She’s right… you should’ve caught it too. It started with that idiotic hook up. Quitting your job? Oh what the fuck have you been doing? Your heart rate picks up, something Taissa catches. 

“It’s fine, I’ll just have to speak with your doctor. I’ll ask my wife if you can sleep on our couch for a bit.” She tells you and you want to argue with her. Scream at her, that’s not happening. Instead you just lay there, disappointed with yourself. Just like your father you have bipolar disorder. You were diagnosed with it after being rescued from the plane crash. 

It felt like your world was ending when you got that diagnosis. Fearful of ending up like your father. 

Taissa goes to the hall to call her wife. You stare at your bandage cover, all that for some stitches. Dramatic, much? 

Taissa drives you to your house in her large SUV. The two of you exchange glances every now and then with only the faint sound of the music from the radio playing. She pulls into her driveway and you raise a brow seeing your car already there.

“How did Juno get here?” You unbuckle and she stops you.

“I’ll go in for you. And Simone drove it when she heard what happened. Said it was such a piece of junk too.” She jokes and you huff. “You said that, Simone is too nice. And I’m going in whether I have to jump or you help me.” You open the door and she presses her lips together. Rushing out to get to the passenger side and help you down. 

You use her as a crutch, leaning your weight on her. “This take you back to when you broke Allie’s leg?” You smirk and she lets out a large breath in response. “[Name], shut up.” She grunts, helping you to your front door as you’re laughing. “Man, that girl was annoying, still is honestly.” You push through the front door, noticing the hot mess you left behind. 

“Jesus, it’s like a crime scene in here.” Taissa motions to the trail of blood that leads to the broken glass and the small pool of blood your leg left behind. “Fleetwood still going strong.” You hop over to your record player, lifting up the tonearm, stopping the repeated music. Taissa makes a face, knowing that she was right about your mental crisis. 

Well by the looks of your house she was extremely correct. She observes your house as you hop into your bedroom, leaning on your walls and random furniture you have as you pack a bag. 

Taissa looks at the wall above your tv that holds numerous pictures. Pictures of Van Palmer, herself, Natalie and Shauna. Pictures of your siblings and family when you were younger. Nothing has changed in the 8 years that the two of you stopped talking. Except for the layout of your living room or kitchen. Everything is the same though. 

You never got anything new, never threw out clearly broken chairs or the clock on the wall that’s been unticking since 2008. Her gaze softens at these details of your home. You’ve never moved on. 

“Let’s go, Nosey Turner.” You lean against your doorway with a backpack. “I’m not being- Oh hey, there’s your phone.” Taissa carefully goes to the couch, picking it up. “You were being nosey, but it’s okay.” You limp to the front door and she follows behind you. Reaching her arms out just in case you trip. 

Later that night you lay on Taissa and Simone’s couch feeling incredibly out of place. Simone welcomed you with open arms, definitely undeserving of this treatment. Simone remembered you well, she didn’t know what happened between you and her wife. Something you promised Taissa before entering her home that she wouldn’t know. She’d be kept in the dark of her wife’s mistreatment towards you. 

“Do you need anything else?” Simone asks, making sure your leg is elevated and you have water on the coffee table in front of you, the remote to the tv in your lap. “I’m fine, Simone. Thank you, I appreciate you just for opening your home up to me.” You smile softly to which she does the same. Patting your shoulder. 

“Of course, you’re welcome anytime. You were like family years ago and you still are.” She assures you. Taissa comes up behind her wife. “Sammy’s waiting for us.” She whispers and Simone nods her head. “If you need help, call us. We’ll come running.” She says and you give her a thumbs up. Both of them walk upstairs. 

You threw your head back as you stared up at her tall ceiling. Disbelieving that you’re inside Taissa Turner’s out after what happened years ago. Not even that but seeing her not that long ago and telling her you don’t forgive her, she’s still willing to open her home up to you. You hated it. 

“God damn.” You whisper, squeezing your eyes shut and opening them as if you’d wake up from a dream. 

The next day Simone got you your meds from the pharmacy and you wonder if this is the power of being a politician's wife or what. 

Taissa rushes outside of the house and you lift yourself up. Wondering what’s happening. Simone slowly behind her. “What’re you? Did you see someone out there?!” Simone calls after. “Keep the dog inside.” Taissa tells. 

The two have been outside for a bit and you impatiently get up, limping toward the door. “The fuck happened?” You shout, opening the door and the two women look at you.

“Go lay back down!” Taissa orders and you shake your head. “What- oh what the hell?!” You back up from the front door and see it with the word “SPILL” dripping in red paint. You give her a look, and her own are worry-ful but she seems to know where it could’ve come from. 

Nothing comes from that conversation though as you guys go back into the house. You are lectured about getting up by Simone as Taissa is back in her work office. 

Simone and Taissa take Sammy trick or treating after Taissa was stuck in her office before that.  

Leaving you to be obviously stuck on the couch, watching old Halloween movies, giving you nostalgia of when you were younger. 

When the three came home Sammy was bragging about his candy haul. You poke your head up from the couch. “What’d you get?” You ask and he jumps from the sound of your voice. He knew you were there, his mothers told him but it still scared him nonetheless. To which the three of you adults laughed. 

“Sorry, guess you forgot I’m still here.” You chuckle. He shyly nods his head. “What happened?” He suddenly asks and you’re a little shocked by it. 

Simone goes to stop it but Taissa and you stop her. “Fell onto some glass, nothing special.” You wiggle your toes. He seems disappointed by your lack of story but then you change the subject. “So, what you got in there?” You repeat your first question.  “A lot, I can show you.” He goes around the couch and dumps his candy on the coffee table. You re-adjust yourself so you can look. He puts a sucker already in his mouth. 

“Remember what we said, Samwich.” Taissa reminds him as she goes to the kitchen to sort through her mail. “Five pieces. Can I have six?” He doesn’t look back to them as he’s partly showing off his candy to you while also picking out the pieces he wants. 

“Counting what’s in your mouth?” Simone quizzes and he pops the lollipop out of his mouth. “I don’t know how that got there!” He feigns surprise and you smile at him. “And remember, no candy for the dog.” Simone points. Leaving the two of you alone to talk about the candy he got. 

You also eavesdrop to the ladies' conversation in the kitchen. “Speaking of truth, maybe it’s getting time for you to spill about your opponent’s junkie daughter.” You hear Simone say to her wife, you knit your eyebrows together. “Whatever happened to not going low?” Taissa questions. 

“Turns out, when the nut-jobs come to my house, I’m less magnanimous.” She replies. ”The contractor’s sending someone to paint over it tomorrow.” Taissa tells her, but it still doesn’t help Simone’s nerves and even you can feel that. Taissa comes over to her son. “Arms up.” She directs and he reluctantly pauses on his candy sorting to let his mom take off his sandwich costume. 

You turn your movie back on, hanging out with Sammy still who has just finished sorting his candy into different piles, he offers you the ones he doesn’t want and you take it very appreciative. 

Simone and Taissa step in your view of the TV though, Taissa setting down a brush and paint can on the coffee table and Sammy looks up. “What’s that?” He asks. “Maybe you should tell us, Sammy. We found it in your room.” Tai answers and he just shakes his head no. 

“What do you mean, no? You painted a word on the front door. You want to tell us why?” Taissa folds her arms, frustrated with her son as you awkwardly sit there with a sour candy in your mouth. Sammy shakes his head yet again. “Sweetheart, we promise not to be angry, but you need to tell us the truth.” Simone speaks up this time. 

Sammy looks nervous, he avoids eye contact with them.

“I didn’t paint the word.” Sammy tells them. “Sammy, please-” 

“The bad one did it. The lady in the tree.” Sammy tells them with some sort of fear. You furrow your eyebrows. “And did the lady in the tree also leave this paint under your bed? Sammy, you know there isn’t any lady. Please don’t lie to us.” Taissa sternly talks to her son who suddenly explodes, sweeping his candy off of the table. 

“I’m not lying! You’re lying!” He shouts as he runs to his room. 

You tense up, eyes wide as you glance up to his parents who share their own worried look. 

1996

You sit on the porch of the cabin with Van beside you, you’re leaning on her tiredly. All of a sudden Mari is shrieking, rushing out of the building. “Get it off me! Somebody get it off!” She shouts, reaching behind her. Shauna rushes to her as well as Akilah. “Get what off? I don’t see anything.” Akilah says. 

“I don’t know! I was standing under the trapdoor and something crawled down my shirt! Please…” She esaperates, and Shauna inspects her. “There’s nothing on you.” She tells her. 

“Must’ve been the ghost.” Taissa walks up and you smirk. “Don’t say that.” Mari huffs. “You guys… you guys! I just had a brainstorm!” Jackie announces, earning everyone’s attention. “We should do a seance.” 

“That’s a terrible idea. We’re also not in middle school.” Taissa rolls her eyes. “Yeah, but remember how fun this shit used to be? Maybe if we could laugh about this, it would help.” Jackie defends her idea and you knit your eyebrows together as you observe everyone else’s reaction. 

“The occult is no laughing matter.” Laura Lee gravely speaks. “It’s not the occult. It’s a game. Shauna, tell them. It’ll be fun.” Jackie turns to her best friend who’s not on the spot. “I mean… it’s not like we have anything better to do. Besides, maybe the dead guy can give us some life advice.” Shauna shrugs her shoulders, attempting to support Jackie. “It’s settled, then. Tonight, the attic. We make contact.” 

You stand up and look to Van who doesn’t look too displeased with the idea. You don’t really care either way. You don’t have your walkman anymore so like Shauna said no one has anything better to do. Leaning back on the redhead, you place your head on her shoulder. Letting out a yawn. 

“You’re tired?” She quietly asks and you nod. “My period and all the moving around I did I guess wore me out.” You close your eyes, not seeing Taissa who’s making a face at the girl you’re leaning on. Van subtly flicks her off. 

2021

Taissa sits at the kitchen table and you awkwardly watch your movie, trying to pretend like you’re not there as Simone comes back downstairs. “He’s asleep, finally.” She informs her wife. 

Joining her at the table. “I’m worried about him.” Taissa exclaims. “Glad you’re catching up.” Simone scoffs out but it doesn’t seem to be cruelly intent. “I know I’ve been distracted.” Taissa frowns. You glance back at them from the couch. Being incredibly nosey but they don’t seem to care that you’re listening. 

“You’ve been worse than distracted. You’re losing weight, you’re exhausted. You want to know what’s wrong with Sammy? I think a big part of it is that he’s missing the mom he knew. You’ll never get the time back, you know. None of us will.” Simone gives Taissa a speech that seems to have been needed as Tai sits straighter at her words. “All this, just to lose a bid for state senate,” Taissa weakly jokes. 

Simone sits there, not giving a pep talk and you wince at the scene. “You think I should drop out.” 

“I would never ask you to do that. I just don’t want you to have regrets. You have a long career ahead of you. Maybe this just… isn’t the year.” Simone carefully admits how she feels. Taissa takes it in with a grain of salt. 

You anxiously sit there, wondering what her answer will be as if you’ll be affected much. 

You watch as Taissa takes Simone’s hand. “I’ll make an announcement.” Taissa says. 

Your eyes widen but even you can see that glimpse in her eyes where she’s already regretting it. You squint and you worry. This isn’t going to go well. 

1996

You end up falling asleep on the girl’s shoulder without even meaning to. Your head about to fall forward but somehow Van catches it, putting her arm around your torso to keep you still. Jackie and Shauna are already off to set up the seance. 

And when Natalie and Travis get back, Natalie immediately notices your figures with a soft smirk upon her lips. The girls crowd the two, telling them about Jackie’s idea. The two find it idiotic but go along with it nonetheless. Van wakes you up, figuring you’d want to talk to your best friend. 

With a jump your eyes shoot up. “Sorry!” You gasp. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” Tiredly rubbing your eyes as you stretch your arms and automatically Van is missing your warmth.

“It’s fine, Nat’s back.” She points and you thank her before getting up. Hearing all the cracks in your legs from being in the same position for a while. 

“Debrief time?” You grab your best friend’s wrist who only nods, holding a smug look on her face as you drag her off somewhere. “Debrief. A-way!” She laughs and you hit her. 

“I came out to Van!” You spit out and Natalie’s eyes widen. “No fucking way!” She nudges you to which you nod your head. “Yeah way, I don’t even know why!” You groan as you throw your head back. “You’re into her! Just admit it already!” Natalie dramatically motions. 

“Ugh, I can’t hide it, I am. I most definitely am. I’m trying to fight it. I’m trying to put out every excuse there is but I can’t this time!” You cover your face as you feel it warm up. She grins at you, wanting to squeal for you but not wanting to be loud where the girls would hear her. “Finally!” She excitedly says. 

You’ve had attractions but never crushes. Never ones that you’d admit on. “But I can see the eyes you’re giving Travis… so…” You change the subject and her face drops. “What?” 

“Oh don’t even! I might hate the guy- kind of despise him. But I know you.” You cross your arms as she rolls her eyes. “The two of you were laughing before you left. Laughing. I couldn’t even smile in that guy's direction, that's how I know you got it bad.” You tell her earnestly, half-joking. You really didn’t like Travis but that’s for your personal reasons. If Natalie liked him, you would have to get over it. 

“He’s not as bad as he comes off.” She murmurs and you scrunch your nose with a certain smile. “No denying it…” 

“Shut up.” She avoids your eye contact and you clap your hands. “You’re so readable.” You make kissy faces. 

“You’re so fucking annoying.” She shoves you away from her. 

“O, keeper of this wild and hidden place! We anoint ourselves with blood and earth…” Jackie passes the bowl to Travis who makes a disgusted expression. You sit between Natalie and Van. “It’s just dirt and deer blood, classic witch recipe, relax.” She giggles as Travis dabs at it, passing the bowl to Natalie. 

You notice their reactions to their fingers touching and you try not to laugh. “O spirit! We offer our sister as your instrument. Come to us, and speak your peace.” Jackie continues. The bowl given to you. 

You grimace down at the blood, making the cross on your forehead, handing the bowl to Van who matches your facial expression. It’s silent as the bowl is fully paced. 

“It is I, Jacques.” Shauna suddenly speaks as if channeling the ghost. 

This earns laughter from everyone. “Ahem.” She speaks in a lower octave. “Ahem. Jacques. Ask your questions. The pendulum will answer.” 

Van is the first to lean forward with a serious look. “Dear dead hunter guy… Did OJ do it?” She asks, the girls giggle and you nudge her knee with the back of your hand. 

“C’mon you guys, real questions.” Jackie pleads. “The veil is thin between our two planes. Ask what is in your heart.” Shauna re-commences. “I’ll go. Is principal Berzonsky screwing Ms. DeWine?” Mari sits straight.

Arm out, Shauna starts the knife-pendulum swinging and you all watch as the arcs widen, eventually becoming a circle. “It is certain.” 

And now this grows a pique of interest. “If we hadn’t crashed, would we have won nationals?” Akilah speaks up. 

The pendulum swings once again, moving back and forth instead of a circle this time. Boos fill the attic, Lottie even laughs at this. Your eyes flicker to Jackie who beams. Proud of her contribution to the group. 

Making them have a good time. 

The conversation switches as someone brings up a classmate's boobs. “They’re obviously fake, you really need a ghost to tell you that?” Natalie laughs out as Javi wedges himself between her and Travis, waving to you, you do the same with a gentle smile. 

“You think? But who would’ve paid for them? Her parents?” Mari tilts her head curiously. You overhear Travis whispering to his brother. “I told you to stay downstairs.” “Whatever, it’s boring.” Javi responds. 

“I think they got divorced recently. Maybe it was guilt money.” You speak up, not wanting to intervene between brothers. 

“Well that’s just creepy.” Mari says. “You mom and I are splitting up, but don’t worry- your tits are gonna look amazing!” Van grabs onto her own chest and everyone bursts into laughter but the only person she really cared about making laugh was you. Your hand is on your stomach from how hilarious and idiotic this conversation is. 

“Okay guys, focus, next question.” Jackie spots Misty from across the room who’s ecstatic and eager to be chosen to ask a question. “Misty?” 

The curly blonde straightens her posture, avoiding eye contact as she begins. “Dear spirit, I need to know the truth. Does the person I like like me back?” She breathes out and Shauna loops the pendulum, a circle; a yes. 

Misty blushes, grinning ear to ear as the girls all give her an “ooo-ooo.” 

“Who’s next?” 

Javi waves his hand and Jackie gives him the go ahead. “Are we gonna die out here?” 

And just like that, all the fun exits out the room. It was real. Serious, too serious for anyone to want to know. You look at Shauna who hesitates. “What the hell is wrong with you?” Travis hits him and he turns to you, almost for comfort. You give him an empathetic look but you truly didn’t know what to do for him. 

The pendulum moves into an infinity shape. Unsettling to everyone. 

“Eight? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It’s not an eight, it’s infinity?” 

“Oh, okay Aristotle.” 

As tension grows with the arguing you sit there. Body tensed but still aware. Observing Lottie who is slowly turning her head, staring at the window behind her. Then all of a sudden screaming, full of terror. You, Van and Akilah rush to her side, springing into action. Lottie grabs onto your arms as you try to soothe her. 

The window blows open and the candles are extinguished by the wind. Stopping the girl’s scream but confusion engulfs the room. The three girls cling to you as you stand there. “Hey hey, it’s okay.” You say, letting go of the girls to close and latch the window. 

“Who has the matches?” Jackie asks as you’re trying to calm the girls around you. A flame flicks up by Shauna’s hand as she re-lights the candles on the ground. “There’s something wrong with her.” Van points, her hold on you once again. You bend down, Lottie back to gripping onto your arms. The three of you are attempting to keep her still. 

All eyes on Lottie who slowly opens her mouth. “Oh, I don’t think-” Akilah’s dread washing over everyone else. “It- it… it wants-” Lottie begins to jerk around, letting out a guttural and unintelligible noise that freaks everyone out. 

She pauses, her chest heaving up and down. Her eyes roll back as she twitches with a violent tremor ripping through her. You feel her nails digging into your skin, rubbing against your almost fully healed burn. 

“Should we, uh… Misty?!” Van shouts, the blonde gets up seemingly with delight. She approaches but Lottie goes back to speaking random words. 

“It! Wants!”

“Lottie, I swear to God, if you’re fucking with us…” Mari comments. “Is she, like…” Akilah can’t get the word out, backing away with Misty. Van standing over you with her hold still on you since you can’t move anyways with Lottie’s grip. 

“Lot, what’s going on? What is it?” You mutter out, trying to look her in the eyes. Her thrashing doesn’t help though. “Hungry. Hungry…” She then looks up to you.

“It’s in her already.” Her eyes flicker to Shauna. You follow it and Shauna’s face drops, not understanding what Lottie is talking about at first. 

But you see her small recognition. 

“Alright, Lottie, let’s cut it out now.” You warn her, trying to take your arms back now but she doesn’t let go. Only gripping tighter. Giving you a manic smile.

“You understand. You’ll feel it. I know you will.” She whispers to you, and only you. Your eyebrows knit together. “What?” 

She lets you go, standing up. “Ce n’est pas un jeu.” 

Van helps you stand away from the girl. “Au début, il a pris soin de moi. Je l’ai nourri.” 

“Is that French?” Van looks around. “Il m’a apporté ses cadeaux. Les cadeaux des bois…” 

“Since when does Lottie know French?” Natalie urgently asks. “Mais il avait toujours faim…” Lottie continues in a low voice. “Jackie, aren’t you guys in the same class?” 

“Mes offres étaient trop maigres.” 

“Yeah, but she sucks at French!” Jackie exclaims. “Il voulait du sang.” 

“Well what’s she saying?” Mari inquired, panicked. “I dunno, I suck at French too!” Jackie shrugs her shoulders with wide eyes. “Il veut toujours du sang.” 

“Well damn it, Jackie, try not to!” Van spits out, the two of you holding onto one another. You rub the marks that were made by Lottie, wincing at the pain in your burn mark. “Il veut du sang!” 

“He, no, it- wanted… something.” Jackie attempts to translate. “Il voulait plus de sang.” 

“It… blood? I think she’s saying blood.” Jackie thinks. “Not the word I want to be hearing right now.” Mari frowns deeply. Lottie gets up walking quickly to the window and starts jabbing at the glass. Pointing at something. “Le sang coule ici.” 

“Shit… more blood stuff?” 

“Ici. Ici.” Lottie repeats, pointing with more urgency. “Here? I don’t…” 

“There’s blood where, Lottie?” Van speaks up. “Would you stop encouraging her!?” Taissa shouts only to be ignored. “Here, or out there?” 

“Il faut.” 

“It’s fake?” Jackie asks. “You must spill blood or… or else.” It seemed to be an effort to speak English as if Lottie doesn’t do it on a regular basis. Lottie falls silent, breathing heavily but still pointing at the window.

“Or else what, Lottie?!” Jackie yells but suddenly Lottie smashes her head against the glass. Everyone screams but you rush to her aid. Ripping off your shirt to place over her wound on her head. 

“Help me!” You yell at the girls, Lottie unleashes a long wail. Natalie and Van restraining her as you keep the shirt up to her forehead. Laura Lee appeared from downstairs, beelining for Lottie with her bible in hand. 

“The power of Christ compels you!” She orders. Lottie’s eyes still rolled back, wailing still. “Be gone, Satan! I said the power of Christ compels you!” She shouts, more determined than before. Stern and certain in what she believes in. Lottie continues to wail. Trying to move her head away from your hold. 

“Lottie! Stop!” Laura Lee then chucks her bible right at Lottie’s stomach. Lottie’s eyes focus, confusedly looking up to the blonde. “Ow! What the hell, Laura Lee?” She glares upward. Trying to push you away but you don’t let go of her head. 

Forcing her to look at you instead.The girls stare at each other, hearts pounding but you’re immediately aiding the wound. “Seriously? What the motherfuck just happened?” Mari motions to the room. 

“I need my kit.” You order, Van nods her head, rushing downstairs. “Lottie, I don’t even want to know why you did what you did. But Jesus christ.” You clean up her face a bit harshly. The girl is dazed, not understanding what happened either. What she does notice though are the claw-like marks on your arms. 

Prominently over your burn mark. “Did I do that?” She softly asks, touching them. You glance down and huff. “Yeah, but it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” 

Everyone has gone to their spots for bed, almost instantaneously Lottie is the first one knocked out. Snoring even. 

You set your stuff beside Van, taking in a deep breath. The stinging in your arms not going away, neither is the anxiety you feel from Lottie’s words earlier. You knew Shauna was feeling the same way. 

“At least someone’s getting some rest.” Van comments. “Raise your hand if you’ll never sleep again.” Mari speaks, being the first to do so and it leads to others. Except Taissa who won’t admit she’s afraid.

“Do we think it’s still up there?” Akilah shakily asks, a few eyes seem to look to you for comfort. 

“Guys, I think we need to take a deep breath. Lottie hasn’t been acting well for the past few weeks we’ve been here.” You point out to them, still standing with your hands on your hips. “I promise nothing is up there to get us.” You place a hand on your heart the girls would like to believe it but there’s still discomfort covering the room. 

“I’ll prove it.” Taissa scoffs, gathering her bedding. Heading for the trapdoor. “You’re going to sleep up there??” Akilah furrows. 

“That’s right. Anyone with me?” She shoots a look your way and even to Van. Van shakes her head, still incredibly frightened. But you sigh, gathering up your things as well. Van gasps. Reaching out to stop you. “Are you serious?”

“Van, it’s okay. You don’t have to come but I’m not leaving her alone up there.” You tell her. “Great.” Taissa smiles, heading up the stairs. 

You follow behind quickly in case you change your mind. 

“You didn’t have to come with me, I know you’d rather be with Van.” Taissa quietly says and you snort. “That could be true but I have more nights to do that it seems.” You set your stuff down next to hers and she smirks at you for not denying your feelings. 

Moments later, Shauna is at the top of the stairs. “What’re you doing?” Taissa asks. “Keeping you two company. If that’s okay.” Shauna glances between the both of you. You both nod and she tosses her bedding on the floor. You are in the middle between both of them. 

As you all settle into your spots. Lying there almost awkwardly until Taissa speaks up. “How far along are you?” 

“You are pregnant right?” She asks the question that even you didn’t think would be answered. 

Your heart thumps at the confrontation. Your head turns to look at Shauna who’s frozen in place. “You guys won’t tell anyone, will you?” 

“No. I won’t. But if we’re stuck here long enough, I have a feeling it’ll come out one way or another.” Taissa whispers and you nod your head with a sad expression.

“We’ll stick by you though, if you need anything.” You assure the girl before she rolls onto her back. Staring up at the ceiling. 

2021

You lean on Taissa as you try to keep weight off your leg, the both of you standing in front of a motel door. Taissa knocks one time and the door swings open.

“Since my press conference my phone hasn’t stopped ringing with folks trying to interview me. So tell me: why am I here?” Taissa questions as she helps you inside. Natalie looks confused at the two of you together but decides to ignore it for now. 

Holding up a photo collage of the Symbol. Both of your faces drop. Afraid. 

“What is that?” Taissa asks. “It’s the floor of the barn where they found Travis. The police ruled it a suicide. But there were candles on the floor underneath him. Tai, [Name]. Arranged like this. Someone burned them and then took them away.” She explains to the both of you. And you squint your eyes at it. 

“But who would do that? Why?” Taissa blurts and just then Natalie’s phone buzzes along with Taissas. But yours doesn’t. “Gather 50k cash and await further instructions. Do not discuss this with your teammates- I WILL KNOW.” Natalie reads the message and you give a disgusted look. “What the fuck is happening??” 

“I’m calling Shauna.” Taissa steps further into the motel room as Natalie turns to you. “The fuck happened to you?” 

“I was drunk, slipped on my rug and caught it on glass… that I also broke.” You quickly sum it up. She presses her lips together at you. “Taissa?” She then points back to the woman and you put a finger up. “I’ll explain later.” 

Taissa finally gets Shauna on the phone. “I’m with Natalie and [Name]. You need to get over here. Travis is dead, and-” A beat takes. 

“She says she already knows.” Taissa looks at you two. “What? How?” Natalie quizzes. 

“Misty called her.” Taissa rolls her eyes. “That conniving, poodle-haired little freak. Give me that.” Natalie angrily takes the phone from Taissa’s hand. 

“Shauna, we need you here. Now.”

taglist: if you want to be added lmk!

@caught-the-feels

@freakyjorker

@callsignwidow

@sjprongs

@suzybuddy

@sofia-r-1604

[chloe-skywalker]

Not Doing Good - Sirius Black

Sirius x Fem!Reader Daughter

Cedric x Reader (romantic-Past)

Warnings: Cedric's death

Word count: 688

Summary: Y/n had been in a very happy relationship with Cedric. Till the dark lord killed him. Now her friends are concerned with how she’s dealing with the loss of him. So they call in her dad.

Authors Note: I don’t normally write Cedric as dead because I hate that they killed him off. But this work really well so . . . sorry. It hurts me to.

Masterlist

Harry Potter Masterlist

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

“Y/n” Ron greeted as the Y/h/c-ed girl sat down at the Gryffindor table.

“Ron.” Y/n greeted back with a quick nod, not really feeling up to conversation.

“How’s your day been?” Hermione tried asking hoping to get a conversation going with Y/n.

“Okay I guess.” Y/n shrugged not looking up from her plate.

“You wanna go to hogsmead with us this weekend?” Hermione asked hopeful that maybe she’d join them this time, instead of staying in her room at Hogwarts.

“I don’t think so guys.” She gave them a tight lipped smile, though it didn’t reach her eyes.

“Please Y/n/n. Don’t make me go with them alone.” Hermione pleaded, trying to get her out with them.

“I don’t want to dampen the mood.” Y/n shook her head.

“You wouldn’t, Y/n. You never could.” Hermione argued back.

“Okay.” Y/n gave in, knowing they wouldn’t stop if she didn’t.

“We’ll have fun.” Hermione smiled, hoping to lift her friends spirits.

^     ^     ^

“She hasn’t gotten better.” Harry stated, worried for his friend. Harry, Ron, and Hermione all snuck off after dinner to talk alone. They were worried about Y/n.

“She just can’t seem to move on from Cedric.” Ron said, shaking his head sadly.

“I don’t think she’ll ever move on from him. I do think she can move forward. But she’s not.” Hermione told the boys. The 3 were trying to come up with some way to help Y/n.

“How do we help her?” Ron asked out loud, hoping they had an idea because he didn’t.

“I think we can only do what we’ve been doing. She has happy moments, and I think that's the best thing we can keep doing.” Hermione hated that they couldn't really do more than they already were.

“Maybe we should contact Sirius?” Harry hoped maybe bringing Sirius in on what's been going on with Y/n he could help. He is her father after all.

^     ^      ^

@ Hogsmead

It was finally time for the trip to Hosmead. It gave Harry, Ron, and Hermione some hope when Y/n was ready before them. Getting to hogsmead didn’t take long. The group of four were joking and laughing, even Y/n was a little. That was till they saw Sirius.

“I’m gonna go see my brothers.” Ron excused himself. Not wanting to intrude on the father daughter moment that was going to happen.

“I need a new quil and ink.” Harry excused himself also. Wanting to give them privacy.

“It’ll be okay. But you need to talk and we think he might be able to help.” Hermione smiled reassuringly before she to left the father and daughter alone.

“y/n/n.” Sirius walked up to his daughter, after getting the letter from Harry Sirius was very concerned for her.

“Dad.” Y/n whimpered out with tears in her eye’s, she had missed him a lot especially with dealing with the loss of Cedric.

“Come her honey.” Sirius opened his arms and y/n ran into them. Holding her tightly Sirius rocked her softly.

“It’ll get easier sweetheart. I promise.” He knew all about what happened and he felt for his daughter. In the short time he’s been back in her life he saw how in love Y/n and Cedric were. How they had a future planned out together. One that had died with cedric that night.

“I’m not doing good, Daddy. I miss him.” Y/n sobbed gripping onto him tightly, staining his clothes with her tears.

“I know sweety. I know.” Sirius kissed the top of her head.

It would take time for her to heal from this loss and in truth he was absolutely sure that she would never fully heal from it.

Cedric will always have a place with her that can never be filled again but Sirius hoped she’d let someone else in in the future.

Cedric would always watch over her, it hurt him to watch from beyond how much his death was affecting her. But he wanted her to be happy and move on. They’d see each other again.

Taglist:

@padawancat97 @gruffle1 @daughter1of2anita3dearly

[ludolka]

Do u think that Joel sometimes leaves Grians feather on his pillow and pretends there's still warmth there? That nothing's changed? That it isn't eeriely quiet and that his bed isnt empty of a bird that clings to him like he's the only touch that understands? Do u think he still wakes up, reaching for wings that he won't feel again? Maybe he missed being kicked or woken up to a soft voice asking for help with his wings. Maybe he craves the destructiveness, the chaos, the obsession. (Sorry for being insane you made me think heavily about the feather thing) ((I really *really* hope this ain't too dark or sad my writer brain was buzzing all day))

Nonny, I literally just woke up from a nap and this is the first thing I read and now I have feels and thoughts-

Oh how I love your brain. This is amazing, I love this so much. I’ll draw a comic based on this probably later today or maybe write a fic, I’ll decide which fits with my vision better. Also, I’m surprised how many people got feels because of that comic, both on here and TT, I didn’t even intend for it to be angsty :’)

I can totally see him being like this !! During the day, whether he’s alone or has company, he can be a tough guy who acts like he doesn’t care. He can create his own chaos or new alliances (relationships cough cough). Grian’s off doing whatever, maybe he’s with others, or working on a new building project, or in a different plane of existence with the watchers. Joel isn’t the type to go crawling back to anyone, let alone to someone like Grian. He’s fine by himself, he doesn’t need that clingy bird

But at night, when he’s truly alone, he lets his mask slip. There are no distractions, he can’t busy his mind or hands with anything while laying in bed trying to sleep. And he’s more desperate than he’d be willing to admit. He curses himself for throwing away so much of Grian’s fallen feathers and only keeping a handful. He shapes his blanket like a body next to his, but it’s not good enough, a blanket can’t hug him, so he opts to hug the blanket himself, being the big spoon for once. He places the few feathers he has on the second pillow next to his and hates how they are the color they are because he can’t see them in the dark. He wonders, again more times than he’d be willing to admit, whether Grian is sleeping alone or with someone else. If Grian is clinging to pillows and blankets in place of a body or if he’s clinging to someone else, maybe pretending it’s Joel again

He sometimes talks to the feathers once he’s tired enough that his brain doesn’t fight with him on it, about how absurd it is or how pathetic he is for doing so. He talks about his day, his upcoming plans, whatever rambling or ranting his tired brain can think of. He never tells the feathers he misses him though, that’d feel too vulnerable and speaking the words would make it feel more real to him

He falls asleep pretending like he isn’t alone and wakes up either still during the night or in the morning, thinking he isn’t for a few blissful moments before reality sets in and leaves him disappointed and yearning. He often finds himself thinking back to all the times they teamed up and somehow always ended up in the same bed at night, how he used to find it annoying at first, but how good he had it then and how little he used to really appreciate it

Truth is, he does miss their joint chaos and destruction, how easy it is to understand each other, how well they bounce off of each other, the banter and the arguing and the making up. He misses sleeping together, the sound of the other’s breathing, the warmth. He misses Grian

And to kinda circle back to a sentence you wrote, “Maybe he craves the destructiveness, the chaos, the obsession”, the obsession never left, he just no longer has an outlet for it

And he knows they’ll find each other again eventually, they always do. No force is strong enough to keep them separated for long. It’s just always unpredictable when, sometimes it’s weeks, sometimes it’s months. Maybe if they weren’t so stubborn and prideful they’d stop waiting for the other to make the first move and just seek each other out and have a proper vulnerable conversation. But they wouldn’t be themselves if they did that, they’d need to be different people to be able to do that. They can be open and vulnerable with each other at times, but never about their feelings for each other

In a different base, in a different place Grian waits each night to hear Joel. They can’t have an actual conversation like this, but the other doesn’t seem to mind that he’s talking alone and not getting a response. The more time they spend apart, the more regular these nightly “talks” get. And whenever they happen and he falls asleep to Joel’s voice, he sleeps better and wakes up feeling emptier

[rubymariebutler]

𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐀 ┃ 𝖠𝖴𝖲𝖳𝖨𝖭 𝖡𝖴𝖳𝖫𝖤𝖱

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: austin has his priscilla, but what is this priscilla's life like?

pairing: austin butler x priscilla!reader

chapter: 02/??

smut chapter: yes

faceclaim: yael shelbia

tags: age gap (21/31), established relationship, power imbalance, dom!austin, sub!reader, protective!austin, protective!reader, pet names, explicit sexual content, praise kink, degradation kink, size kink, breeding kink, housewife kink, marriage, pregnancy, kids, references to elvis and priscilla, parallels with elvis and priscilla, austin referring to the reader as his priscilla, fluff, romance

ruby's note: here's the second chapter! i hope you enjoy reading. to be honest, i'm not convinced about this chapter, but it's all i have to give you. i gave it my all. it was fun, though! i enjoyed writing the last part; the rest was just tolerable. i mean, i can do better. this time, though, i just couldn't do it, but i hope you enjoy this.

the next morning, you wake up in austin's arms, aching and content. the room is enveloped in warm, cozy darkness, thanks to the thickly closed curtains blocking the light from outside. it's impossible to tell if it's still dark or if it's already dawn, so you move your head slightly to look at the digital clock next to the bed - nine in the morning.

you sigh softly at the time; it's still early. you rest your head on austin's chest again, closing your eyes in peace as you enjoy the warmth radiating from his body and the reassurance of finally having his body pressed against yours after months apart. your legs are entwined under the silk sheets and he has a warm hand on your waist, even as he sleeps.

it feels good. you missed being in his arms, you missed waking up next to him.

the thing about having a famous boyfriend, is that he's a very busy man. shoots that last for months, long press tours, interviews, photo shoots, meetings and more. you don't complain; you know austin was born for the big screen, you know he was born to shine, everything about him screams "talent" and the world needs to see him, feel him. you're so happy for him, and infinitely proud of him. you were always aware of what he could do, so none of this is a surprise, and even though he's a very busy man, it only makes you fall more in love with him, because even when he's overworked or bone tired, he always finds a way to make time for you; no matter if it's a phone call or a few texts, he always tries to be there, to give you your place and the time you deserve.

he really makes an effort, he puts effort into this relationship, he puts dedication, and you couldn't be more in love.

you press your lips against his chest and give him a soft kiss, before pressing the side of your face against his skin again, listening to the steady, quiet beat of his heart. you stay like that for a few seconds, maybe minutes. actually, maybe you're falling asleep, because you blink sleepily as you feel austin shift a little underneath you. he lets out a soft yawn and you do the same, burying your face in his neck.

"hey, doll..." he greets you in a huskier, deeper voice than usual. he has that voice whenever he's awake, and if you're not bouncing on his cock right now, it's only because you're too sore to ride him. he wraps an arm around you, pulling you even closer to his body. his morning voice, husky and low, murmurs into your hair; "did you sleep well?"

"better than i have slept in weeks." you answer honestly. you deposit a soft kiss on his chest, then his neck, his jaw, his cheek, and finally a soft, short kiss on his lips. then you bury your face in his neck again, hugging him closer.

his arms tighten around you as he lets out a pleased chuckle, he turns his head to capture your lips in a soft, sleepy kiss. "mmm, and is that for me?" you smile against his lips and nod, running a hand down his neck. "i missed you too, sweet girl." another kiss. his hand on your waist slides down to squeeze your bottom, causing you to let out a small sound and grimace slightly. "does it hurt?"

"a little..." you admit softly, feeling a little shy.

"my poor baby..." austin cooes, massaging your sore and still slightly reddened bottom. "on your stomach, baby. lie down." he orders you gently. you obey without complaint, feeling him move to stand behind you. you relax in place and sigh with relief as you feel his hands massaging your buttocks and his lips placing kisses on your bruised skin. "you'll be fine, love, i'm gonna to take care of you."

austin massages your ass for several minutes, giving you soft kisses on the bruised skin and various compliments, reminding you how well you took everything from him the night before, how proud he is of you. he stays there for a few minutes, massaging your ass to offer you some relief and also because he likes to entertain himself with your ass; you know he loves it and he loves the feel of it in his hands. moments later, he moves to take you in his arms and holds you close, holding your small body against his; one of his hands still caresses your ass gently and softly.

you let yourself be embraced, clinging closer to him and burying your face in his chest, a sigh of contentment leaves your lips as you feel his warmth and scent envelop you. waking up in a big empty bed feels terrible compared to this. when he's not here, you miss him. every minute. when he's with you, you feel happier and safer than ever. you feel safe in his arms and, more than anything, you know that your heart is safe in his hands.

in bed, austin is the most dominant bastard ever; demanding to the core, degrading as if he wasn't the shy man in interviews, and you know that even if you beg him to stop, he won't. not because he's an idiot, but because he knows that even if you beg him to stop, deep down you don't want him to. you two have shared thoughts, so your dynamic in bed is not bad, neither is the dynamic of your relationship in general.

now, the difference between austin in bed and austin out of bed is abysmal. in bed he degrades you and fucks you like an animal possessed; hard, aggressive, sometimes even violent, he likes to use you, to have control over you.

but out of bed?

he is the sweetest and most attentive gentleman there is. when he is away for work, he calls you every morning to say good morning, tell you how much he loves you and always assures you that he'll text you when he's free. he sends you letters and every night he tells you that he loves you.

when he's with you, he hugs you a lot, tells you how beautiful you are and how much he loves you, gives you love notes, sometimes helps you with homework when it gets too complicated for you, sometimes helps you cook and bake even though he's bad at it, praises you whenever you do something well, and is always, always, touching you. he wants and needs physical contact and, honestly, so do you.

so, if you told this to the 18-year-old girl who met him at a random party on a random day, she wouldn't believe you. but now that you know, you realize how lucky you are because, somehow, austin chose you. and, somehow, he loves you.

you are at his feet, and he knows it. and instead of taking advantage of that, he loves you back just as intensely and devotedly.

"i was thinking..." austin's deep voice pulls you out of your thoughts and you blink, giving your full attention to what he says. "you have ballet class today in the afternoon, right? how about i go with you?" you look up at him. "you know, i'll be leaving again in a few days to film dune and i want to spend as much time with you as possible. besides, you know i like watching you dance."

you raise an eyebrow, looking at him with a mixture of amusement and incredulity. "is that so or do you just want to see me in leotards?"

a laugh bubbles up from his throat. "well, love, you have a gorgeous body. what's my fault for being obsessed with you?" he answers you, his hand possessively caressing your ass. "the way your ass looks in that..."

"austin." you stop him before he finishes the sentence, but you still have a goofy grin on your face. "you can come, yes, but you'll have to behave."

"oh, don't worry, i'm not gonna fuck you in front of your instructor." he assures you. then he gets up from the bed without taking his eyes off you. "although i don't promise not to fuck you afterwards." he walks over to you, running his hands down your body and carries you in his arms bridal style to take you to the bathroom.

"what are you doing?"

austin doesn't answer your question, just sits you on the toilet and moves to turn on the shower faucet. you watch him silently, pulling your feet up on the toilet with you and pulling your knees to your chest. you grimace a little, because everything hurts; your ass, your hips, your legs, even your breasts. but you don't complain. instead, you rest your chin on your knees, silently watching as austin moves to regulate the water temperature so that it is comfortable for both of you.

your eyes wander over his body; tall, lean and muscular. you look at his arms, long and muscular. his shoulders, broad, big and full of marks from your hands. the bones in his back flex as he turns the keys and your eyes linger a little longer on your scratches on his skin. his waist, where you always keep a hand to hug him as he sleeps. and, god, that ass...

"see anything you like?" you look up to see austin looking down at you with an amused smile on his face. he holds out his hand and waves his fingers at you. "come here."

you take his hand and stand up. he notices your shaky legs, but outside of the amusement-filled, teasing look he gives you, he says nothing. you step into the shower and then he steps in, closing the glass door behind him. she you are a floppy little thing in the shower as you watch him, your eyes moving over the shifting muscles and taut skin, the dips and bulges of a strong body, much taller than you, intimidating and tantalizing at the same time.

as he moves you under the spray of water raining down on you, his big hands on your small shoulders, you look up, close your eyes as the warm water hits your face, your head resting against his chest as he reaches around you and grabs the bar of soap from the small shelf. he lathers you between his hands, his arms caging you in, before moving the suds over your skin.

his hands move over your chest, soaping you, cleaning you, soft big palms rubbing over sensitive skin, fingers teasing and brushing, and you feel how much he's holding back, how his cock is contracting, pressed against your lower back with how close and high he is behind you.

he continues to lather you gently, his big hands running up and down your arms, lifting them, turning them, testing their limits by dipping his fingers into your armpits, but you're too absorbed to be tickled, concentrating on the calm of the moment, on how good and safe you feel in his arms. you still don't understand how you got so lucky, how that random night led you here.

austin crouches behind you, holds your hip, reaches down to your ankles and rubs your toes. you cling to his shoulders as he lifts your feet, one after another, cradling them in his hands, and this time you shiver from the tickle as he grazes your soles with his fingernails. his soft laughter makes you blush, and when he rises again, he grabs you by the chin and lifts your head, staring at you before capturing your mouth for a gentle kiss that turns into an even wilder dance of tongues.

his hands squeeze your breasts, hardening your nipples even more. they slide down to your ass and he squeezes your buttocks between his fingers. he breaks the kiss as his fingers slide between your legs, you let out a small gasp, then feel his head next to yours as he leans in, cheek against cheek, rough skin brushing against smooth.

one strong arm wraps around your waist, holding you, while the other hand slides down your mound, sliding along your slit, toying with your entrance.

"i know you're sore..." he says against your ear; his voice deep. you feel a shiver. "but i have to fuck you right now..." he looks into your eyes, searching for some sign of denial, but you just stare at him with big blue eyes, waiting for his orders. he kisses your forehead. "against the wall. now."

as the warm water pours over the two of you, he presses you against the cold tiles of the shower, gripping your sore, reddened buttocks from the night before with his hands. you stare at the white tile as he pulls your cheeks apart, revealing your pink pussy.

"fuck, look at that..."

you rest your hands against the cold tiles as you feel his hands squeezing your ass, pulling your cheeks apart. austin gropes your ass and you're used to it; he loves your ass, so you stay silent, waiting, letting him do whatever he wants. it's his, everything is his, you're his.

austin is going to consume you, if he hasn't already. and you know it's dangerous, he's dangerous, you know it, but you can't walk away. you don't want to. if he wants to take over your whole life, you'll let him do it. it wouldn't make sense without him, anyway.

you feel austin run a finger along your folds, feeling how sensitive and swollen they are. his touch is softer this time, unlike the way he was fingering you last night. this time, his touch is even reverent.

comes close to your ear and you swallow saliva; his breath warm against your skin. "you're in a lot of pain, aren't you, honey?"

"yeah..."

"should i stop?" he asks you as he slowly presses the head of his cock against the entrance of your tired, battered pussy, barely penetrating you.

"will you still fuck me after ballet?" you ask him, even though you already know the answer.

"i'll stop now if you want me to, but i won't when you get out of that studio. i'm going to fuck you, love, you know that."

you remain silent, breathing slowly and staring at the white tiles. after a moment, you blink, close your eyes and rest your forehead against the tiles.

"good girl."

he drapes an arm over your breasts, pressing them and hugging you close as he begins to deposit kisses on your neck. you tilt your head to give him more access; his kisses travel up your neck to your jaw, your cheek, your temple and finally he places a soft kiss on your hair. christ, you are so tiny next to him. he could easily break you and you both know it. he turns you around to face him; you tilt your head up so you can look into his eyes. he could easily break you and you both know it.

he turns you around so you face him; you tilt your head up so you can look him in the eye. he's tall, intimidating; you"re a tiny thing next to him and that never fails to intimidate you, even after almost four years of relationship. you've always felt small next to him, in every way.

austin wraps an arm around your waist and lifts you off the floor effortlessly, he moves forward until your back is pressed against the wall and you wrap your legs around his waist, holding onto him and clinging to his body. his lips trap yours in a deep kiss, intertwining tongues and biting lips; you gasp into his mouth as you feel him rub the tip of his cock against your pussy, tempting your entrance and your clit.

his lips pull away from yours to kiss your cheek, jaw and your neck as he pushes inside you slowly, making you exhale shakily as you feel his great length working its way inside you, deeper and deeper, stretching you to the limit once he's already buried to the hilt inside you.

you feel austin hold still, allowing you to adjust to his size. without prior preparation, your body always struggles to receive him fully. he waits patiently, knowing you need a moment to adjust. your body trembles a little, your pussy squeezes hard against his thick length.

god, you feel so full.

you close your eyes tightly and rest your forehead against his, breathing shakily as you try to relax. his hands caress your sides gently, sliding down your wet skin, then up to your breasts to squeeze them gently. his index finger and thumb circle your nipples and twirl them, helping you relax a little from the sudden pleasure his hands on your breasts bring.

you open your teary eyes to look at him. "you're so big..." you whisper.

he looks at you, eyes locked on yours as he begins to slowly pull out before slowly pulling back in. he kisses the tears sliding down your cheeks from the intense stretching, wiping them away with his lips. his hands gently squeeze your breasts one last time before he wraps his arms around your thighs, pulling your legs even higher to reach deeper.

again, you close your eyes, feeling more tears overflowing from your eyes and sliding down your cheeks. you let out a pitiful moan, almost like that of a wounded animal.

austin gasps at your moan, his hips shaking as he watches you crumple under him. you know he likes this, he loves it; to him, there is nothing more beautiful or erotic than you taking his enormous size with such perfection. he begins to move slowly, deeper.

he releases your thighs to allow you to wrap your legs around his waist and continues his task; you know he's enjoying it. each deep, deliberate thrust elicits gasps from your lips, as your body sways gently. you clench around him, your inner walls churning desperately, as if trying to push him out. yet your legs keep wrapping around him, holding him.

you don't want him to pull away. you always want to please him. you want to please him. you always do.

he leans in and captures your lips in an intense, penetrating kiss, his tongue taking over your mouth with a passion and ferocity that makes you gasp. he dominates you and takes you over completely, though it's nothing new; he lives dominating you, in every way. he begins to pick up the pace, moving his hips hard as he penetrates you hard and deep, his testicles slapping your ass with each thrust.

the mixture of pleasure and pain is etched in your expression; eyes closed, frowns furrowed, lips parted. you try to concentrate, but it's impossible; he's inside you, so deep inside you, so deep. your pussy is stretched and filled to the limit, his cock won't let you rest.

"austin..." you whisper shakily, feeling yourself getting closer and closer.

"shhh..." he ignores your moans, his hips ramming you again and again, penetrating that deep spot that makes you feel like he's splitting you in two.

"o-oh..." a gasping moan escapes your lips, you squeeze your eyes shut and your nails dig into his skin as he fucks you, pushing you closer and closer to the edge.

pain, pleasure, in equal measure. austin is big and he holds you, covers you, makes you feel like a little caged bird. you can't escape, you don't want to. you like it, you want it. he knows, he always knows everything.

he kisses your shoulder, his hands move to cradle your aching breasts, squeezing them gently as he continues to fuck you with fast, deep thrusts.

"are you in a lot of pain, honey?"

"keep going..." you say between gasps and moans, feeling another tear slide down your cheek. you don't want him to pull away, not if he hasn't cum. you want him to cum.

you squeal as he starts to move faster, his hips slapping your aching ass with each thrust. it hurts, and he knows it hurts, but he also knows you want him to finish. he leans down to kiss your shoulder softly, trying to balance the roughness of his actions with tenderness.

"almost there, baby."

you push your hips against his, meeting his thrusts, taking him even deeper. his cock slams into your cervix with each thrust and for a moment you don't know what to do, before the orgasm overtakes you and you cum on his cock. your body spasms and you tremble as austin fucks you through your orgasm.

he moans loudly, his hands move to grip your hips tightly and slam you against him, against his cock. "fuck, yeah..."

you try to pull away from the overstimulation, but it's impossible; austin holds you and moves you as he wills. you moan and cling to him, hugging him by the neck. you lean your forehead against his, panting and moaning as he kisses you again. the kiss, fierce and rough, serves to hold back your cries. your sensitive, sore pussy makes wet, lewd sounds as he penetrates you.

his strong arms wrapped around your waist pull you into him hard and deep; he doesn't give you a break, continuing to fuck your pussy and swallow your moans. he pounds your cervix again and again, making you feel as if he's tearing you apart. he grunts and curses as he uses your body roughly.

his thrusts become more and more violent, his big member stretching your little hole to the limit. he's so deep inside you that you feel like he's hitting your stomach, which he obviously does, if the bulge in your stomach means anything.

your cries echo in the bathroom, probably in the bedroom too, your pussy clinging to his member. it's so deep it hurts, but it feels so good. he kisses your tears, slamming his cock into that spot over and over without mercy. his hips hammer, finding the perfect spot again and again; he doesn't stop, doesn't give you a break, and you're overwhelmed. your cries grow louder, your breasts bounce endlessly.

"g-god... just like that.... yeah... yeah..." he hits that spot with such perfection, you can feel another intense orgasm building quickly.

it's so good. too much. his cock stretches you to the limit, his thick head repeatedly hits that spot inside you, you feel it in your stomach, your breasts bounce, your pussy makes wet noises, his arms hold you and move you at his pleasure, his kisses make you feel drugged. it's pleasurable and painful. and.... it's too much. your orgasm hits you hard, your pussy convulses around his member so hard it hurts.

again, your body spasms and you are so overwhelmed you begin to shake uncontrollably, your pussy squirting over his thick length. hot liquid gushes out and coats your lower belly, sliding down his cock and testicles. he feels your pussy squirting around his cock as you cum from the force of his onslaught, the sudden heat and wetness making him moan.

he grunts. "fuck... i'm gonna fill you up, baby..."

"yeah..." you gasp limply against his mouth, letting yourself go.

with one last brutal thrust, he plunges balls-deep into your hole. you hear him moan as he begins to cum, his member pumping an absurd amount of hot, thick cum into your little hole.

"that's it, baby, that's it..."

he keeps cumming inside you for what seems like an eternity, his thick semen completely filling your little hole and spilling out. he holds you in the same position, his member still buried deep inside you as you both catch your breath.

after a moment, he finally comes out of your little hole with a wet plop. a mixture of your fluids and his begins to flow out of you, dripping onto the wet shower floor. without releasing you, aware of the trembling of your legs, he kisses you again, this time softer, gentler. he kisses your lips, your cheek, your nose, your forehead and then kisses your lips again, before resting his forehead against yours. the shower water is the only thing you hear for a few moments.

minutes later, you emerge from the shower with slow steps and shaky legs. with the cold air from the bathroom rushing up your bare legs and drying your mouth, you take a deep breath, fighting against the trembling in your legs. he hands you your towel and, standing on the marble bathroom floor, you begin to dry yourself with slow, gentle movements, your eyes fixed on him as he does the same. it's one of those normal domestic moments in your shared life: coming out of the shower together, washing up, him tall next to you, smaller, in front of the vanity, both of you blurred silhouettes behind the fogged mirror.

suddenly, his hand is on your shoulder, pushing back your dark hair. you turn slowly toward him, breathing deeply, tilting your head so you can look up at him as his fingers run down your neck, over the marks he left yesterday; purple hickeys and slightly purple marks from the strong grip of his hands. his movements are slow, possessive and there is a dominant air about everything, making you want to cringe.

you look into his eyes silently, docile and waiting. instead of kissing you, which is what he always does, he gently pulls you by the neck to embrace you.

"i'm so proud of you..." he says to you in a low, soft voice. "you took it all, baby, all of it. you're the one for me, i always knew it."

"i love you." you tell him in a low, tired voice, with your forehead resting against his chest.

he pats you gently on the ass. "little baby..." he chuckles softly and gives you a kiss on the forehead. "you're out of this world, i swear to god. i love you too, sweet girl."

the drive to the studio is quiet; you spend the whole way with your feet in austin's lap as he drives through the quiet streets of palm springs, with video games by lana del rey playing gracefully on the car speakers.

a camera lies between your hands, pointed directly at austin; you take pictures of him the whole way. you take your time with each one, making sure the lighting is good and that there isn't a blurry or out-of-focus photo. you take pictures of his face, his hands, all of him. austin comes out well in each one, to no one's surprise.

at one point, when the sun shines directly on austin's face through the car windows, you don't hesitate to take a picture and, for the thousandth time in a month, you're breathless with his beauty. the sun on his face just makes him look even more angelic and unreal than he normally does. blue eyes, clear and bright, pink and soft lips, dark blond hair, bushy eyebrows, pronounced jaw, perfect nose.

you slowly move the camera away from your face, leaving your hands back in your lap. and you look at him. austin looks good all the time; you love taking pictures of him and you swear that there is no one more beautiful and irresistible than him. but in real life? here, him, in front of you, real and not in a picture? he is a beauty from another world. it's the only explanation you can find for this. how is it possible for someone to be so beautiful?

how can he be real?

your eyes, blue and captivated, look at him in a kind of trance, absorbing everything about him, admiring him, falling even more in love with him, if such a thing is possible. you wonder if it's possible to love anyone, anyone at all, more than you love austin. you doubt it. your chest might explode from all the love you have there, all the wonder, and all for austin.

lana sings, far away, the melody doesn't even sound here anymore, close to you, eclipsed by your love and awe for the beautiful man in front of you. and yet, you feel it. the melody, the lyrics; you barely hear it, but at the same time you feel every lyric, because that's how you feel right now, looking at your future husband.

"what?"

you blink as you hear austin's voice; his voice curious and even a little amused, there is a small smile on his lips. you lick your lips without looking away from him and exhale softly.

"nothing." you reply. "you're beautiful."

he laughs softly and you look away, self-conscious and flushed cheeks. his hand on your ankles moves to take your hand and caress the back of it with his thumb. your other hand grabs the latest polaroid and you gently run a finger over austin's face in the photo.

your eyes wander to your fingernails; long, baby pink fake nails, much like a certain someone's all those years ago. something itches in your brain. you blink and look back at the photo of austin.

the rest of the way, your eyes linger there, on him.

at the end, it all comes down to him.

when you arrive at the studio, austin opens the car door for you and gives you his hand to help you out. with one hand on your lower back, he guides you, and in the other he carries your bag. he opens the studio door for you, you both greet the receptionist who knows she can say absolutely nothing about austin's presence here, and head to the dressing room assigned exclusively for you.

austin and his power.

austin sits on the single couch and watches you as you remove your clothes; you take off your black yoga pants and then austin's white shirt that comes almost to your knees, leaving you in baby pink tights and a black leotard. you ignore austin's eyes on your ass, just as you ignore the visible marks on your chest and neck. you were planning to make them up, to cover them up, but austin told you not to, so you didn't.

austin takes care of putting on your pointe shoes so you don't have to and helps you to your feet when he's done, before giving you a gentle pat on your ass. you leave the dressing room together, holding hands as you walk down the hallway that leads to the room where your instructor should already be waiting.

your private instructor greets you both with a friendly smile, and of course he notices the marks on your body, but he doesn't say anything about it, just treats you with his usual kindness and tells you to start stretching. austin gives you a kiss on the lips and a final squeeze on the butt, before moving away from the center of the spacious and elegant room to sit on the leather couch located next to the window.

as you move to start the stretches, you watch as austin leans over and opens the window, then pulls out his cigarette pack and lights one, making sure the smoke goes out the window. you don't flinch, neither does your instructor; you're both used to austin smoking while watching you do your thing. smoking is certainly not allowed inside the studio, but it's austin butler, so they make an exception for him.

as you stretch into split and stand there, stretching your arms up to straighten your back, austin stares at you from his spot, exhaling smoke from his mouth. his eyes take in your body, how good your slender curves look in tights and leotards, how supple you are, and he takes another puff on his cigarette.

and you're tired and sore, but still your core throbs with anticipation, knowing what will happen after you leave this place.

first you do the stretches, warming up your body so you don't hurt yourself. you relax a little in the process; feeling your tense and sore body stretch and relax a little, not enough to stop hurting, but enough to make you let out some sighs of satisfaction. when you finish your stretches, you start with the last routine you have been practicing under his command as the music starts to play over the speakers.

your body is carried along by the music; you stand on the tips of your toes to the rhythm of the music, moving your arms and torso with grace and fluidity. you move across the room, twisting and jumping, moving your body, all while austin watches you silently from his place, observing your technique, the way you hold your body, your balance and your movements.

at the same time, your instructor analyzes how you perform the routine he assigned you and starts giving you pointers, one after the other. "correct your shoulders, they're too tense" he moves behind you, his hands gently adjusting your back, his touch firm but not rough. "your legs are shaking, try to keep them still."

as you correct your posture with each of his instructions, your instructor's gaze is fixed on your body, observing every movement with a critical and analytical eye. he definitely notices the effort you put into following his instructions, how your body stretches and moves to perfect your posture; your muscles move under your skin.

even though austin's presence throws you off a bit, as always, you do perfectly every single thing your instructor dictates; you perfect your posture, stiffen your legs, move your body with grace and agility, concentrating on making each movement exact and perfect without it seeming strained or forced.

the pride in austin's eyes makes it all worth it.

when the class ends, you get off the tips of your toes and rest your hands on your hips; your cheeks are flushed from the effort and your chest rises and falls with each agitated breath. your instructor congratulates you for today, advises you to keep the same technique tomorrow to improve the precision of your legs in each turn and at the end he says goodbye to you and austin, then leaves the room and closes the door behind him, leaving you alone.

once the door closes, you turn to the big mirrors attached to the walls and watch through the reflection as austin stubs out his cigarette in the ashtray and stands up, approaching you with slow steps as his eyes roam your body. you notice pride and admiration in his eyes, but also something else; desire. the thought almost makes you shudder.

your core throbs and you gasp as you feel his large hands wrap around your waist, pulling you close to him to make you feel his erection in the small of your back. you tilt your head back, resting it on his chest as you feel his hands slide down your sides to reach your breasts and squeeze them.

"you did so well today, i'm so proud of you." his voice sends shivers down your spine and a moan almost escapes your lips as he squeezes your breasts again. "i think you deserve a prize."

austin ends up fucking you there, forcing you to look at your reflection as he takes you from behind.

the first thing you do when you get home, is to take a shower. another one, because you have semen dripping down your legs and you just came back from ballet. austin doesn't shower with you this time, he doesn't have to, he doesn't have semen or sweat anywhere. you take your time in the shower; you exfoliate your skin, lather carefully, put conditioner in your hair, then shampoo, and at the end you let the water run over you.

when you get out of the bathroom, you're dressed in black lycra shorts and a small black tank top. you leave the room, walking down the long white hallway that leads to the stairs and arrive downstairs, to find austin lying on one of the long, wide white couches; the one in front of the tv, to be exact. a competition show is playing on the screen and austin opens his arms when he sees you; you crawl into the couch to snuggle next to him, feeling him cover the two of you with a soft blanket.

the weather is hot, but the air conditioning is cool and keeps the house quite cool, so you always enjoy cuddling with austin while watching anything on tv, or sometimes he just reads a book while you enjoy his presence in silence.

you tend to get pretty bored in this huge house when he's not here; sure, you have tv, phones, ipads, computers, a pool, but you just miss him. he's gone for weeks, sometimes months, and you stay here, alone, in the huge house he bought for the two of you. it's not that you don't value what you have; austin gives you a lifestyle that very few can afford, but, being honest, the material stuff doesn't matter to you one bit; you just want him, all the time, even though you know it's not possible, because he's your boyfriend, but he's also a hollywood actor and things won't be the way you want them to be.

"satnin..." austin's voice makes you blink; you look up at him, meeting his eyes on you. his hand gently caresses your back. "i can almost hear you thinking." you look away embarrassed, with a slight blush on your cheeks. he gives your ass a gentle squeeze that almost makes you hiss because, well, your ass hurts. you know all this week you won't be able to sit properly. "what's wrong?"

"nothing." you lie softly, burying your face in his chest, inhaling his scent. you know that lying, or trying, won't do any good; austin always knows everything, somehow.

"baby..." he whispers against your hair, with a mixture of love and compassion in his voice. he strokes your hair gently, without seeming angry.

you sigh and hug his torso, clinging even tighter to him. "i'm sorry..."

he doesn't say anything. instead, he wraps his arms around your body and pulls you tight against him, resting his chin on your head, snuggling into his chest. austin holds you close, hugging you and holding you against his chest.

"i just don't want you to go..." you murmur softly against his skin, not opening your eyes.

he presses a kiss to the top of your head. his fingers stroke your hair. "love, i'm not going anywhere."

"but you will."

"sweet baby... you know i love you, right?" he says against your hair. you nod slightly. "and that you're the most important thing to me." another nod. "and that you're always on my mind." another. "and that i really wish i could take you with me, but i can't just take you out of college."

though it's not that you want to go with him. you don't want to be on movie sets, surrounded by other celebrities, it's not what you want, it's not what you like, that's not who you are. besides, that's austin's place, it's where he drops everything to become someone else, it's his job, it's his place, you don't want to be there, nor does it feel right. you just wish you had him home more, because you really miss him too much when he's not around.

"i know." you reply quietly. "although i wouldn't go with you, anyway. you know that. i don't want to go everywhere with you, i just... i wish you didn't have to go away for so long."

"i'm sorry..." you hear his mumbled apology and you shake your head, lifting it a little so you can look him in the eyes. "i wish i was here longer, you're here for me."

"don't apologize." you press a kiss to his chest. "i knew what i was getting into when i agreed to be your girlfriend. i knew who you were and what you did, and i knew what that would mean for us. i just miss you. all the time. it's boring when you're not here. empty."

austin says nothing. he stays silent, holding you. his lips leave several kisses on your forehead; slow, tender kisses. one of his hands caresses the side of your body and the other strokes your hair. you rest your head on his chest again and close your eyes, relaxing from his caresses and his obvious love for you. austin has always been a touchy-feely person; he wants to touch you all the time, and you always melt under his touches.

"i'm sorry you feel this way... but you know i'll always come back to you, right? i'm yours. you're my girl. my satnin."

his words and the sweet nickname he honored you with make something warm blossom in your chest.

you take a breath and raise your head a little again. your eyes meet his; blue to blue. your hand on his chest slides to his cheek and you caress his soft skin, looking with a mixture of vulnerability and devotion at the statue of god holding you in his arms. he's beautiful. in every way. the most beautiful man you've ever met.

he's a hollywood actor; beautiful, rich and talented. honestly, he could have any girl, and you're aware of that, you always have been. however, he chose you. somehow. he chose you to be his girlfriend, he chose you to live with him, he chose you to be his future wife and mother of his children. there are millions of girls in the world and he chose you. he loves you, and he has proven it to you.

so, the temporary distance shouldn't matter to you, because yes, you miss him terribly when he's away, but that's what he does, that's who he is, and loving him is what you do, it's who you are. and yes, sometimes it's sad to be away from him, sometimes it's even painful, but you wouldn't change it for anything in the world; loving him is the only thing you find meaning in, even if it hurts sometimes.

because he's yours. and you're his.

and that's all that matters.

that's all that should matter.

you look at him silently, with tender, vulnerable eyes, longing for something that is impossible, but refusing to leave. you couldn't leave. ever. even if he wanted to. god only knows how lost you would be if austin walked out of your life, if he forced you to leave. he is all you know, there will be no after in your life if austin leaves you, he is how you're living.

twisted and maybe sick, but it is what it is.

he leans his forehead against yours. "god, baby, you don't deserve this."

his strong arms squeeze you possessively as he seems to realize the reason you always cling to him like a little shadow when he's home. you're starved for his affection and attention. all the time. you need it. you can't function without it.

you spend the rest of the day at home; austin hugs you, holds you close, fills you with kisses and cuddles.

is a good life.

[alfalfascouting]

The youtube auto-transcript struggles with the audio quality, and so too will many listeners, I imagine. And not having found any other transcript of this speech, I have endeavored to write my own, even though I know nothing about Don Quixote. I hope it helps anyway. Corrections on who he asks to give him his sword are welcome. Transcript follows:

By contrast: How do you sell to people at the bottom end of the scale? How do you even tell them that your game exists? Advertise on nightly news? I mean, these people don't read any of the regular magazines, they don't log onto CompuServe every 35 minutes, they're—These people, the way they buy games, they wander into the computer store once a year to get a new ribbon for their dot matrix printer. They get lost in the store and they stumble into the games section. And they say, "Oh gosh! Computer games, that's right. You know, I haven't played a game, in, ah, 2 years! Maybe I oughta buy one. Let's see. Oh look! Here's a pretty box! 'Harpoon!' That's a—(drowned out by crowd laughing)—I think I'll buy it. I'll bet it's about whales." How do you sell to these people!?

You know, and these people here—(holds hand high)—these are the ones you sell to because they tell you what they want. Designing for the bottom crap—(throws hands down)—it's hit or miss. You spend a half a million dollars on a game, if they don't like it, they won't even tell you they don't like it; they just won't buy it. But these people—(holds hand high)—Boy, try to stop them from telling you. They'll send you letters. They'll fill out the feedback form, send you email. They'll call you up in the middle of the night to tell you what's wrong with your game and how to make it better. These people! (holds hand high) Boy, it's easy to figure out what they want.

And what do they want? They want more depth. Yeah. They've invested a lot of money and a lot of time climbing that ladder. And they don't want to throw away that investment. They don't want to start all over on a new ladder. They want to keep climbing the ladder. They want to go higher and higher. They want more depth in their games. And think about how that compares to my dream. 'Cause I want to encompass the broad range of human experience and emotion. (holds his arms wide) What I want is breadth. (raises one hand high) What the customers want is depth. I am at cross purposes with my audience. And there's only one conclusion I can draw.

I have to leave. I don't fit in here anymore.

Now, I realize that's, ah… That's kinda strange. But you know, many years ago, I left the crowded cities of the eastern seaboard, fought cross the Appalachian mountains and came upon the virgin forests of Kentucky. There, I built myself a cabin and I hunted the dragon. I wasn't very good back then. I only bumped into him at night by chance. And then my encounters with him were brief and desperate; I'd wave my sword frantically and hear his claws hissing through the air, and then he would be gone. And I was learning. It was fun.

And then more people came. Hearty pioneers, they built cabins near mine. And pretty soon we had a lot of cabins. Pretty soon we had a village there with lots of houses. And then more people came until now… now we have a town. With stores, and people being busy, and streets, and property lines, and lawyers and…! This place has gotten too damn civilized for me.

I mean… I just don't fit in. So I hoist my backpack onto my shoulders and I walk down the main street one last time. I wave goodbye to a few old friends, but most of the faces I see belong to strangers. They look askance at me and turn to their neighbor and say, "Who is that scruffy old tramp anyway? I'm glad he's leaving town. We don't need his kind in our town."

At the edge of town I turn and look back one last time. It's a good town. I'm proud of the role I played in its creation. But out there, west, beyond the Mississippi, beyond the Great Plains, lays Rocky Mountain. There're no people there. Just rocks. Trees. Clear blue skies. And the dragon, he's there too. Waiting for me.

I can hear you saying, "Chris! This is crazy. I mean, you don't want to leave all this behind. You've got too much invested here. This is insanity!" And you know… You're right. (audience laughs) This is crazy. But let me tell you about another crazy old fool. Let me tell you about a guy by the name of Don Quixote de la Mancha.

You know, insanity is an inability to come to terms with reality. Don Quixote was definitely insane because he couldn't come to terms. But there was a reason. The reality in which Don Quixote lived was a sordid and ugly reality. The people were scrabbling for survival. Don Quixote didn't want that. He wanted to live in a world where there was truth and human dignity. And yeah, love. And try as he might, he couldn't accommodate that in the real world. Other people were able to compromise enough to reach an accommodation, but Don Quixote, for him, the gap was too great. He couldn't bridge it.

So instead of getting up on it, he imposed his reality on the real world. Where other people saw a filthy country hostel, he saw a castle. Where other people saw a flock of sheep, he saw a mighty army. Where other people saw a windmill, he saw a dragon. Yeah. Don Quixote was a crazy old fool. And you know, he was more honest about his dreams than most people. And for that, I honor him.

So, the time has come for me to make my commitment. I have committed myself. I have dedicated myself to the pursuit of the dragon. And having made that commitment, having decided that once and for all, now, all of a sudden, I can see him. There he is, right in front of me. As clear as day.

"I never thought that I would see you this clearly. I always saw you in brief glimpses in the dark. But now, now… You're so much bigger than I ever imagined! I'm not so sure I like this. I mean, yes, you're glorious and beautiful, but, you're ugly too. Your breath reeks of death. No, I… I never had a childish fantasy of conquering you. That thinking is for children. You're beyond that. Indeed I can see, stretched around your feet, the bodies of my predecessors. And all you have to show for it is a few nicks and scratches! But do you have to laugh at me that way? Am I so pitiful that you can sneer in my face like that? Yeah! Yeah, you frighten me! You hurt me! I felt your claws ripping through my soul! But I'm going to die someday, and before I can do that, I've got to fight you, eyeball to eyeball. I've got to look you right in the eye and see what's inside. But I'm not good enough to do that yet! I'm not experienced enough. So I'm going to have to start learning. Today. Here. Now. Come, dragon! I will fight you. Sancho Panza, my sword!"

(he draws a sword)

For truth! For beauty! For art! CHAAAAARGE! CHAAAARGE!!

(applause)

Finale of Chris Crawford’s Dragon Speech at GDC 1992

(Fun fact: Sid Meier is in the audience, seen in the bottom right corner  around 8:52)

[neonacidtrip]

we haven't spoken in a very long time, but i dreamt of you last night, so I couldn't help but think of you. I'm not sure you remember me, but i hope life is treating you well these days. take care.

I'm not sure what to say, but I can promise you I have not forgotten you. My time on Tumblr has been a mess full of hiatuses, I admit, but it will always be a place where I met some very wonderful friends, including you. With 100% honesty, I can say the friends I made here are some of the best friends I have ever had, even though most of us don't talk anymore.

It doesn't matter how often I speak with people, or if we never speak again. I'll always remember you, and I'll always think fondly of you and hope that life is treating you gently and kindly.

I hope you had a nice (or at the very least an okay) dream, and I'm glad to know you still remember me, too, regardless of all else.

Take care, love <3

[hana-bobo-finch]

jørgan clan my beloved. you guys are so messed up

[astertimberwolf]

I miss my Italian grandma.

She is the reason I love Ruby. Because they share the same personality.

This is the reason I am still in love with the adult version of a fictional character.

My Italian gran was the only healthy maternal figure I had growing up... And the only person to love me unconditionally in my entire life.

... And I'm afraid it will stay that way, with how things are going...

...

There. I said it. The cat is out of the bag.

May the budding rose she imprinted in my heart stay intact and safe, even though it will likely never get to bloom...

All the other bad imprinting, represented by roots of all evil, has / have been removed.

This rosebud is the only living flower standing in the middle of the snowy clearing and scenery inside my soul.

I will cherish this rose forever, with all I have.

[mainfaggot]

the last time i felt emotionally fulfilled in a friendship was when i was 15, and before that when i was 13. im turning 21 next month

[g-k444]

health ed class where im the shy girl at the back who blushes, embarrassed when the teacher announces we're doing sex ed in class today.

the first thing he asks for is a volunteer

i normally get picked on for these sorts of things - y'know - given im the one at the back of the class that always tucks her head into her book whenever she's noticed... i do my usual interested-in-book act and hope to go unnoticed.

it fails once again.

against my volunteering-want, i pick myself up - cheeks darkening as I feel the class' attention turn to me as my chair scrapes the floor, my heels dragging as i stand at the front and look across the classroom - seeing how many judgemental pairs of eyes stare at me - today's subject.

"Now that we have someone who has kindly volunteered - will you hop up onto the desk-"

I leaned back and let myself pull my bodyweight up so that I sat with my legs extending from the teacher's desk on the front

"-And pull your skirt up."

the words took a second to resonate before my eyebrows flew up in shock. "S-sorry?"

"Show the class your pussy," he said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. "we're in a health class and you volunteering yourself - your body - so go on, show the class your pussy."

My throat dries and closes, face draining of colour and yet heating up simultaneously, legs crossing over each other defensively whilst my body seemingly freezes at the overwhelmingness of it all.

I can't talk - my throat hoarse from the shock of it all - and instead the best i can do is shake my head erratically, not willing to oblige. was he joking? was this some example of how if you don't wanna show your body to everyone you shouldn't send pictures?

what sick thing what going on?!

it wasn't a joke though - and seemingly bad was turning to worse at the teacher frowned. "well, you've already volunteered yourself, and if you don't comply with what i tell you to do then there will be consequences, miss."

my body remained frozen in place from the shock of it all. and looking across the classroom, all the other students seemed perfectly okay with what was going on - as if there were some universe where this was normal! And if not neutral to it - some of the body even seemed to have their interests piqued by the idea, leant forwards in their desks as though trying to get closer to the action.

the teacher noticed my lack of movement and took matters into his own hands.

"Jones! Up!"

I looked across the room as my bully - the one that antagonized me for all things stupid and trivial - stood up and came to the front of the class.

"I'm going to lift her skirt up and hold her body to keep her still - i want you to hold her thighs open and pull her panties off."

this time the words clicked faster, and I pushed myself off of my arms to get off of the table and not let myself get undressed in front of the whole class - yet my teacher was faster. his arm wrapped around my body and pulled my back into his chest, his other forearm grasping at the hem of my skirt before yanking it upwards and revealing the upper skin of my thighs and the baby pink panties i'd chosen this morning - things that I hadn't expected nor wanted the class to see

"get-off- mE!" i wriggled under the teacher's hold and yet couldn't escape his grasp - and looking across the class with teary eyes, noone cared to make eye contact with me or help - instead they all made eye contact with the baby pink between my legs, uncaring for the yelps that left my mouth

the only one that looked me in the eyes was Jones. My bully, who hadn't shown kindness since I'd first joined. please, Jones... I'd whispered with a wavering tone to him - holding eye contact as he leaned down, his hands falling on either of my thighs... before he gripped them - hard - and prised them open to give everyone a better view of the pair of panties. and with both his hands occupied, his head fell between my legs as a scream left my mouth, his teeth clenching around the material to pull it away from my pussy and expose the raw flesh that evoked some scattered gasps and wows across the classroom.

"Terry, take my place holding her - everyone gather round-"

My body was grasped by a different set of arms, blubbers falling from my lips as the teacher came to my side and the class left their seats to come closer to my bare pussy - eyes fixated on the exposed mound

"This is what a real pussy looks like - this up here-"

he touched my clit and made my whole body jerk, a cry mixing ang mingling with a moan and making something of a wailing noise that seemed to make someone's trousers tighter

"that is the clitoris. the place that had the most nerves and it a pleasure point on the female anatomy. This set of lips is the labia majora - the other lips - and these inner ones are the labia minora"

i felt utterly degraded feeling him pinch either set of lips, shaking them with his words to emphasise what he said using my body - a trail of dampness following his fingers as he pulled away from my pussy

"and most importantly - this here is the vagina - the hole from which women have periods and babies from - but most importantly - the place which you put cocks, fingers and toys into to pleasure a woman."

"everyone, you may now touch and feel the demonstration."

my whole body jerked as various prods and motions were conceded on my pussy - Jones' hold firm around my thighs and stopping my from squirming or wriggling myself away from all the touch that made tears leak from my eyes

"can i finger her, sir?"

"absolutely, how else would you learn?"

a scream leaves my mouth as a pair of foreign fingers breaches my pussy, twisting and almost patting my inner walls curiously, before pulling away with a trail connecting his fingers to my pussy - fluid dripping between his fingers as the separated the two that had been inside my pussy

"okay, so, our first assignment will be to see how a pussy reacts when stimulated with pleasure"

everyone is given a chance to make me cum.

initially i scream and writhe on the desk whilst I'm instead pinned down, and have my pussy violated with fingers what scissor my walls and prod a sensitive spot until my juices spread over my shaky legs. then it's a tongue that breaches my hole with flicks and thrusts. they gain confidence though - and it's not long before a cock is inserted into my pussy and leaves stains of white over my pussy when he finishes.

my throat becomes so raw i cant speak - my mind a broken scramble and my pussy is so spent and broken that it doesn't even contract in horror anymore. it's completely passive as the orifice is breached over and over until...

"okay, that's good - now, as we still have a bit more time before class finishes... let's have some fun - everyone - find something in your bag or in the classroom to shove in her pussy to see how she reacts."

my mind is still scrambled - yet someone props a book beneath my head so that i can at least see all of the objects that are pushed into my hole - the pupils' cum acting as lubrication that allows the random objects to enter my pussy

a whiteboard pen, markers and other various stationary items enter first - testing the waters before someone tries to push a water bottle up there - then a chair leg that two people need to hold to effectively spear me with the metal rod

"good job today," the teacher bends to say into my ear as the students thank him and leave the classroom whilst im still starfished, energy dead on the desk. "clean yourself up and go the principal's office once you've done that. apparently he could hear all the racket in here and wanted a private meeting with you"

[luv-lock]

ㅤֹㅤ⊹ㅤ #ㅤATTENTION BABYㅤ.ᐟ ֹ ₊ ꒱

☆⁠ PAIRING : Batboys x Fem Reader

☆⁠ SYNOPSIS : When You're Too Busy For Them.

☆⁠ CHARACTERS : Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Damian Wayne.

☆⁠ NOTES : English is not my first language. Hope you enjoy!

— BRUCE WAYNE ⋆

Bruce was a busy man. A billionaire CEO, Gotham’s protector, and a single father to a hoard of emotionally volatile vigilantes. He understood the concept of being busy better than anyone.

That didn’t mean he liked it when it applied to you.

It had started simple. You’d been swamped with work, deadlines looming over you like a guillotine, and Bruce had been hovering. At first, it was subtle. A lingering gaze as you typed. The occasional brush of fingers when he brought you coffee. A deep, expectant silence as he stood behind you, arms crossed, waiting.

But then—then—it became insufferable.

"I'm working, Bruce," you mumbled, not even looking up from your laptop.

"You need to rest." His voice was that signature Batman growl, but you waved him off.

"I will. After this."

Wrong answer.

Bruce closed your laptop with a single, slow motion. The weight of his gaze was almost suffocating.

"Hey!" You tried to reopen it, but he placed a large, firm hand over the top.

"You’re done for the night."

"No, I'm not—"

"Yes. You are."

You glared at him. He stared back, completely unaffected. It was a battle of wills.

But then—because he’s a manipulative bastard—his hands slid to your shoulders, massaging the tension away with frustrating expertise. You let out an involuntary sigh. Damn him.

Before you could protest, he leaned down and pressed a slow, lingering kiss to the top of your head.

"Take a break sweetheart."

"But—"

"I’ll make you a deal," he murmured, leaning down, lips brushing against your ear. "You take a break, come upstairs with me, and I won’t disable the WiFi for the rest of the night."

Your head snapped toward him. "You wouldn’t dare."

Bruce just raised a brow.

He absolutely would.

In the end, you found yourself naked in his arms on the bed, completely trapped as he murmured sweet nothing in your ear.

— DICK GRAYSON ⋆

Dick is like a giant, overly muscular golden retriever with abandonment issues.

Which meant the moment you got busy and stopped giving him the attention he craved, he went through the five stages of grief.

Denial — "She’s just busy. It’s fine. I’m fine. We’re fine." (Narrator: He was not fine.)

Anger — "Okay, but I’m literally her boyfriend??? Hello??? Where is my affection???"

Bargaining — "If you look at me for five seconds, I’ll do that thing you like—"

Depression — soft sighing noises in the background

Acceptance (fake) — "It’s okay. I didn’t need love anyway. I’ll just wither away like a Victorian child—"

At first, he tried the cute approach. He flopped dramatically onto the couch beside you, big blue eyes blinking up at you as he scooted closer.

"Hey."

"Hi," you muttered, not looking up from your paperwork.

"You’re working hard," he said, smiling.

"Yep."

"So hard."

"Mhm."

"...you wanna take a break?" He grinned, nudging you. "Maybe cuddle? Or make out? Or stare into each other's eyes for an unhealthy amount of time?"

You patted his cheek absentmindedly. "Not now, babe."

He rested his chin on your shoulder, warm breath tickling your neck. "I miss you."

You huffed a laugh. "Dick, I’m right here."

"Are you, though?" He suddenly was Infront of you, forcing you to face him. His arms came around you, caging you in as he pouted. "This is how close we should be."

You rolled your eyes. "Dick, I need to finish this."

"Finish me first," he said with a wiggle of his brows.

"Get out."

And that was when Dick entered his menace era.

Suddenly, your papers were gone.

Like, vanished.

"Richard," you said slowly, "where are my papers?"

"Who’s Richard?" he said, all faux innocence as he stretched his long arms behind his head.

You narrowed your eyes. "Pretty boy."

"Yes, angel?"

"My papers."

"Ohhh. Those." He grinned. "Guess you'll have to catch me if you want them back."

And just like that, he bolted.

You didn’t even chase him. You just texted Alfred. Five minutes later, he walked back in, grumbling, and handed you your papers like a scolded child.

— JASON TODD ⋆

Jason liked to pretend he don't like your attention.

But the moment you started prioritizing anything else? He was intolerable.

At first, he played it cool. Leaning against the wall, arms crossed, watching you work. Casual. Aloof. The picture of patience.

But then—then—you didn’t look up. Didn’t even glance his way.

And suddenly, Jason Todd, Red Hood, walking crime deterrent, was pouting.

"Whatcha doin’?"

"Work."

"How long you gonna be doin’ that?"

"A while."

"...so you’re just gonna sit there? Ignore me?"

"Jay," you sighed, rubbing your temples. "I love you, but please."

"Oh, please?" His eyes gleamed mischievously. "Damn. Didn’t know I was just a piece of meat to you, doll."

You groaned. "Jason."

"Jason," he mocked, deepening his voice dramatically. "God. You don’t even see me anymore. I could drop dead and you wouldn’t notice."

Without another word you just go back to work.

Just. Like. That.

He just watched you. Then he sighed loudly.

Nothing.

He groaned dramatically.

Still nothing.

Jason’s eye twitched.

Then, without warning, he snatched your laptop and slammed it shut.

"WHAT THE FUCK!"

Jason’s arms came around your chair, trapping you in place as he leaned in close, emerald eyes narrowed. "You forgot about me."

You blinked. "Jason—"

"Forgot. About. Me." He spoke slowly, as if the words physically pained him.

You gaped. "I was working!"

"You weren’t paying attention to me," he corrected.

You sighed. "Jason, you’re being dramatic—"

"Dramatic?!" He gasped, clutching his chest like you’d stabbed him. "Doll, you wound me."

You shot him a glare. "Do you need something?"

"Yeah," he said, grinning. "My bitch."

And then this giant of a man literally collapsed onto you, throwing himself across your lap like a spoiled cat.

"Jay—you're heavy!"

"Guess you’ll just have to hold me, then."

— DAMIAN WAYNE ⋆

Damian doesn’t ask for attention.

He demands it.

So when you started ignoring him, he didn’t pout like Dick, or whine like Jason.

No.

Damian stared.

Silently.

Unblinkingly.

For hours.

You had been working on something—completely oblivious to his growing impatience—finally you sighed and stretched—only to nearly jump out of your chair when you saw Damian standing in the shadows like some lurking cryptid.

"Jesus, Damian! You scared me!"

He tilted his head slightly, green eyes dark and unreadable. "You didn’t notice me?"

"...No?" You frowned, feeling a shiver run down your spine at his intense stare.

Damian’s frown deepened. That was unacceptable. You always noticed him. He always knew when you were in a room, and he expected the same.

You turned back to your laptop, completely oblivious to the way Damian’s jaw tensed.

"Take a break."

"…Damian."

"You are neglecting me."

Your eye twitched. "Neglecting?"

"Tt. I have been here for three hours."

That made you pause. "...you've been standing there the entire time?"

He didn't answer. He just stared.

"Okay, that’s creepy."

"Hn." He walked over, standing directly beside you. "You will cease working now."

You let out an exasperated sigh. "Or what?"

Silence.

Then—your laptop was gone.

Like, just gone.

"Damian—!"

"You have no choice now," he said simply, kneeling before you with a pleased expression. "Now bless me with your lips beloved."

You later found your laptop in the bat cave. Behind five layers of security. It took you hours to get it back.

— MASTERLIST ☆

— © luv-lock. Don't copy, use or translate any of my works here or any other websites ☆

[savanir]

The What Corps?

“we have you now spook! there is nowhere you can run and hide with our new spectral tethers active!”

Danny winces at the small metal clips that have hooked themselves in his leg, some new GIW tech that is messing with his powers.

“oh yeah? I was just dying for you guys to give me a challenge” plan. plan. He's gotta think of a plan to get out of here and fast. He takes a steadying breath and starts to look for anything that can help him.

he can’t get caught here. He just can't. He simply won’t allow himself.

suddenly the two GIW goons in front of him click their earpieces to clearly listen to what someone else is telling them, Danny is very glad for his own enhanced senses.

“Operatives K and O, be advised, there have been sightings of a new ectoplasmic entity near your location. Other operatives report that it’s incredibly small and moves fast. watch your backs, this may be an ambush”

small and fast? it better not be some poor little blob ghost, Danny sort of hopes it’s some manner of ectowasp, at least that could be entertaining to see.

“you better not be hoping for back up, ecto scum”

“I have no idea what you are talking about”

It's then that a small bright green light zips on scene and weaves through crowds in the distance with ease and then speeds up towards the two operatives who do not hesitate to shoot, missing completely like the storm troopers they are.

Whatever it is, it is indeed going very fast but Danny manages to figure out what it looks like and it appears to be a… ring?

“hold it you tiny accessory shaped ecto fiend!”

The ring does a speedy circle around Operative O while K is lining up a shot and ends up blasting the poor guy point blank in his face, “O!”

Danny takes a step forward with an arm outstretched and a “oh damn! Are you alright?” on his lips when the ring takes the chance to slip on his finger. “Daniel Fenton of Earth”

Danny already had a freakout about a ghost jewelry getting on him, his experiences with those so far have been incredibly bad after all, what with the rings and crowns and pendants… now this damn thing is just straight up outing him! 

Thank the ancients the two GIW stooges are too busy with each other right now to pay close attention to what this weird ring is saying.

“You have the ability to overcome great fear” ah so this is related to him steeling himself just now? Maybe? or something??

You have been chosen” never good, we are back to freaking out again.

“Welcome to the green lantern corps” 

… the what?

Danny notices that his usual outfit suddenly has more green going on, and his DP symbol has some sort of… he guess it’s supposed to be a lantern, maybe? shape around it.

He’s somehow even more glowy now, and there is something on his face. Feeling its shape makes him think it’s some sort of mask.

The metal clip things are no longer attached to his legs though so that’s great!

“You’re not getting away so easily ecto scum! sentient ghost paraphernalia coming to your rescue or no!” They both aim their weapons to take a shot.

Danny figures he can now easily hold them back with his usual shields,“you guys realize you just called this weird ring sentient and thereby negate the whole nonsentie-ack!”

“Attacking a corps lantern is punishable offense as of the instatement of the galactic diplomatic immunity as declared by the-” Okay so now Danny is just raising his eyebrow at this weird as fuck ring. Just what is it going on about?

“notifying nearby lanterns and requesting assistance with apprehension of hostiles”

what?

“getting your friends to help you out vile spook? such a thing is useless with the Blackout still very much in place”

Well… the two streaks of green light in the distance is making Danny doubt that statement.

Maybe there is more to this Lantern corps thing than he thought… And something tells him his life is about to get even more complicated than it already is.