#i miss my old friends lol
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#i miss my old friends lol#looking through my old tags is always a trip#feeling very nostalgic & conflicted#shout out to my past self for acting like such a bitch & blowing up my entire life#i love life and i love my bf but i loved my friends too#pretty much every friendship I've had i fucked up by ghosting them and regretting it#or just lashing out and making an ass of myself#story of my life WHAT A COPING MECHANISM#social interaction & rejection terrify me~#i'm gonna die overthinking reaching out before i get around to doing anything#sav after dark#personal#text
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O you, who at the world's far-off end dwell,
I know your wish- it is my wish as well.
#ephemer#khux#khml#kingdom hearts#kh#missing link#kingdom hearts union x#kingdom hearts missing link#kh ephemer#thinking about... how among the people in scala he's this legendary figure#but from a personal point of view he was simply someone riddled with grief#he founded a new world but he did so alone when he should have been with all his friends...#mine: kh#my art#so time may or may not have gotten away from me... i started this drawing in July. lol#the caption is part of old verse 2 from pokĆ©mon legends arceus#the entirety of which is absolutely perfect for ephemer but would be too long#i'll just write it in tags here:#'o you; who at the world's far-off ends dwell; i know your wish- it is my wish as well.#my own beloved is now gone from me; departed to a place i cannot reach.#my old companions have left me behind; their faces faded into days gone by.#still to my breast i clutch this hopeless dream; a futile wish for us once more to meet.#oh you; who at the world's far-off end dwell; i know your wish- it is my wish as well.#but ours are cold and endless winter days; warmed only by memories locked away.'#[minor edit: fixed the color of the lines on his shirt!]#[i am so proud of this one you donāt understand]
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like it makes sense to make an adult book since p much any fan of gravity falls is an adult now but man I'm surprised Disney greenlit it
I'm also shocked Alex worked with Disney again at all lol
#i did betray my principals and immediately preorder it lol#its very funny that barnes and noble will give you free shipping if you hit the threshold even if one thing wont ship for half a year#mary blabs#gravity falls#hello old friend i missed you
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my mom still sends me the occasional ācare packageā like she started to do when I moved away for college even though Iām now in my 30s. which is very sweet and i love them but is also very funny because the contents now include things like coupons for arthritis cream and a 300count bottle of ibuprofen
#and of course the ghost plushy. i texted her after and she was like well usually i send candy for october/halloween#but since itās still in the 90Ā°sF where i live it would just melt lmao#anyway the real treasure of this package is of course the old photos of me with our swans#they were a wild mated pair who would come to our lake every summer and they were my friends!!!!#i miss them a lot. they died a long time ago now but our relationship was so special#ramblings#my family#anyway def inherited my love of sending packages to people from my mom lol
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#art#traditional art#watercolour#fanart#virvox project#shirakami kotarou#kurono takehiro#vocal synth#voicevox#another one based off the memories of some post i saw a while back. i was like possessed. to redraw vsynth characters in popular posts#also low key this was what it was like being 22 in university classes full of 18-19 year olds for a bit there LHJSKHJFSDAjdfs#THEY WERE nicer about it. but sometimes they would find out my age and i could see the 'grown ass' flicker across their eyes#especially when they topic of discussion was shit like sororities and me not knowing shit about it. in my defence i was 1) confused about#'greek life' for a while because i am mixed race and kind of ambiguous irl so i just assumed it was a like a cultural based society thing#(we have a lot of those in my school its very multicultural) and they made an incorrect guess about my ethnicity again and 2) when I DID#finally figure out what the hell 'greek life' was supposed to be i signed up cause a friend asked me to but i missed the first day of#orientation cause i was sick and then the sororities started sending really passive agressive emails to me so i got scared off LOL#random sorority sidetrack aside. it was really funny when i was like yeah i dont really understand the whole deal#and a classmate was like oh well yeah i guess you wouldnt have the experience how old are you again like 18?#and i was like........................................................i turned 23 a month ago <:3c#and her face journey as she realized i was like 3-4 years older than her.... my apologies my dearest classmate#sowwy for being in my early 20s. it wont happen again <3
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BBAU headcanons on why I think each teacher rejects intimacy ā Insecurity, Apathy, Grief. Thereās supposed to be 5 but I couldnāt fit all of them on one page.
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#baldina and dave will be next hrm#corny creations#baldi bbieal#billys basic educational game#billy bbeg#baldis basics classic remastered#baldis basics in education and learning#baldis basics#joe jbjg#joes basic joke game#joes basics#billys basics#Itās honestly kinda uncanny drawing iwth black outline#but I kinda like it I miss drawing this way lol#Also I finally made Baldi white I cannot deny the truth anymore#I wanted him to be yellow so bad but the colour palette looks kinda garish and heās canonically white soā¦#girlfriend bbeg#old friend bbeg#she makes a cameo :^)#Billyās ass is NOT OKAY; My god this man is so deep in the mind shits#Atleast he has a social life though meanwhile look at Joe#basic issue lore
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what am i doing? oh you know... wallowing in nostalgia, mourning the past, experiencing overwhelming heartache, etc. etc.
#this is why i shouldn't stay up late looking at old Instagram posts smh#i miss my friends#help my heart is so heavy#i really wish i was me back then#eeeessh help#idk what to tag lol#nostalgia#greif#greiving
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I mean wukong has to know how absolutely insane macaque is about him right!??? Right?
Oh god imagine if he didnt and made a comment regarding that, and absolutely everyone just stares at him
oh you mean Sun Wukong the Monkey King? the same guy who is known to struggle with communication and confront personal and vulnerable topics? the same guy who was not aware that his bestest and closest friend blamed him for many events that transpired between them until said bestie snapped? the same monkey who is constantly criticized and berated by MKās closest friends/family and does nothing to refute it? the same Wukong who struggles to apologize to MK because he feared that his student (more than a student now, theyāre friends, they could be familyā) might also lash out or not give him a second chance to make up for it? the same Wukong who, despite being an incredibly observant guy, struggles with establishing amiable bonds with others?
that Wukong?
#Iāll say at best Wukong believes that he and Mac are currently at a truce#not enemies but not friends kind of deal#they can talk but the line is stiff and solid when it comes to what they talk about#at worst: Wukong believes that Macky still is not ok with him. sure he accepted his peach popsicle but that could be because Macky was#craving a snack or didnāt pick up on what swk was doing and took at surface value#i mean what is there to even fix? theyāre relationship is leagues behind the one they had millenias agoā¦ā¦#ā¦..it might be too late to even consider mending a torn up bond#but heāll still try. baby steps is all#nothing to drastic. nothing too obvious. swk might miss macky and their old friendship but that doesnāt mean macky will or want to#in the end Macky helped save the universe because of MK and is only considering to be nice beCAUSE of MK#thatās all (<-SWKās train of thought in my mind)#lmk#shadowpeach#lmk sun wukong#lmk six eared macaque#asks#anonymous#so unwell about this#also it would be so funny if swk voiced this aloud to the group lol#imma count this as a fic prompt
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pompeii bastille fills me with such longing for days that are long gone
#been thinking about that poem 'it all seems very mundane' so much lately#god add ed sheeran castle on the hill i hadnt listened to that one in a while. ourgh#euughh emotionsā¦. yuck#if any of my classmates are reading this by chance i wish i could go to the reunion so bad but im poor lol#i love u all so much i hope life is treating u all well#i miss the view from my dads old apartment. i miss snow. i miss running to catch the train home from school#i miss walking home late at night from downtown burbank. i miss the way the light from the streetlights fell on our floor#i miss staying up late in the livingroom and hearing my moms snoring. i miss sleepovers with friends#i miss late night drives with my mom with no destination. i miss long walks with my dad and brother#i miss going to my grandmas for a warm homemade meal#and i guess soon enough ill miss this too
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kicking my feet and giggling thinking about vector spaces
#ok mostly this was yesterday. i meant to post this yesterday and forgot#and it was a more specific thing than JUST vector spaces#but im always afraid if i post too much about [specific math specialty] on here i'll accidentally doxx myself lol#i mean PROBABLY not. but you never know#i got nerd sniped the other day#my friend sent me a minecraft video where some streamers were doing math#and idk if she knew or not but it was specifically math thats right in my wheelhouse#which apparently ive missed!#it doesnt come up much in entry level stuff for [field im trying to get a job in]#ended up getting one of my old textbooks out to read about something we didnt cover in my uni classes :)#math#numbers do not lie
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i hope y'all have a wonderful friday <3
#gonna meet up with some of my old work besties#i've missed them so much#i realized i haven't hung out with any friends in over a month and i'm kinda going stir crazy#i need to talk to someone who is not a family member lol
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Visiting Gintoki for the first time
#okay but its really sweet that zura is bringing gifts for gintoki#this is the first time he is visiting#I think he's just a little bit nervous and understandably excited#he even introduces himself#funny about sadaharu but missed opportunity for these two to have a proper greeting after all these years#as proper as Gintama is capable of which is by insulting each other 'what are you doing in my house are you stalking me?' 'yes' lol#I'm also interested in what he brought#home made cookies? bombs? maybe that old console game they borrowed from that kid whose name I forgot?#he finally had a reason to go visit his old friend and damn Gintoki wasnt there#man is really happy this episode#gintama#katsura kotarou#zura#video#ep13
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šŖæ
#social interactions w irl ppl makes me so anxious#bc like some ppl u talk to on tumblr and twitter have a bigger understanding of like beinf different and stuff#but irl ppl are different and i have to mask sm#my old friend replied.. and then i replied and now i have new messages from him T-T#and the thing is that bc of our past#i have sm anxiety abt not replying fast enough or being too depressing or saying no bc he always#got bad abt it and even ghosted me š¤#so now i feel sm anxiety bc im like omg i gotta reply fast but idk what to say and i secondguess and overthink every single word#:'))) dont get me wrong i am suprised he replied and also said he had missed me and wanted to write me a letter and thanked me for hanging#out w him during highschool bc he didnt know how he wouldve survived without that#and im like woah???? i actually exist to ppl? ppl actually think of me :o#it's smth i struggle with a lot bc of avpd and smth that i sabotage connection with :(((#but yeah i was like ok damn?? cool!!!!#(then tbh i feel so depressed and numb so i honestly dont *feel* that much like i feel emotionally shut off)#but i still think it's prettyyy neat :3 idk emotionally im a wreck#i dont wanna sound like an asshole when i say 'i dont feel anything' but i just... dont#anyway i still did miss him so i would never lie or be dishonest or disgenuine#but it is anxious that i need to mask a bit bc im scared of him not wanting to talk to me if im too honest or too weird or whatever#still i will keep trying to reply even if i dont know what to say until he might stop replying lol who knows T-T#sry im negative but im rlly trying but i dont want to do anything and i dont.. feel anything
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The visceral and hungering loneliness is back. You know what that means! Bedtime
#š“š“š“š“#sweet dreams hehehe Iām sure I will feel better in the morning#š¤#but jokes aside like. Iām okay I think Iām just moody bc itās late at night and Iām overthinking. the usual#I do really miss my friends and family#and feeling that old but always recurring longing for new friends#Iām slowly befriending people in my music classes and slowly joining some clubs as well soooo weāll see#idk I also just see all of my mutuals being friendly with each other and I yearn for it so so deeply#kinda silly but I just like to share interests with people#and have a Space together if that makes sense#anyway I know I could just like reach out to people but Iām nervous lol#probably more embarrassing to post publicly about it like 1-3 times a month lol#but it feels impersonal this way like Iām writing in a diary or something#speaking of which. I need to start working on my diary again LOL#I kept one for all of two days a little over a month ago#and then I forgot it one night and refused to keep working on it bc I āmessed it upā by forgetting#aaaaah anyway goodnight ā¤ļø#this ramble was maybe a bit too personal but Iāve posted worse shit I think lol#may or may not delete in the morning#sweet dreams! :)#wackyposting
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last day of dance history vs first day of music notes
#Im officially halfway through the semester yayyy :D so no more lessons in the basement Ive been upgraded to the first floor lol#it's nice I forgot how much I missed looking through windows. do u know what the music classroom doesnt have though......actual desks#it used to be my old english teacher's room so ik there used to be desks.....for some reason without them the room feels smaller???#electricity cut out like halfway through the lesson. that plus my friend's sleep paralysis thing could u imagine the room's haunted :0
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Baby boy brother birthday photos from last year that I just realized I never uploaded!
#cats#also hopefully it's not weird to still post photos of George (the brown cat) even after his death a little while ago. I just have so many#beautiful old pictures of him that I still love but just never had the time to sort through or upload (my cat photos folder on my#computer had like 450 pictures in it or something lol... SO many). I feel like it's kind of just honoring or appreciating him#and not actually strange or anything. like what am I supposed to do. delete them?? I want to share them still because he is beautiful and#perfect ! idk. aNYWAY. Also this is their 2022 birthday when they turned 14 years old. (even though I think when I posted#their 2021 bday I might have said they were 14 then too. I was off by a year lol). 2023 when they turned 15 I unfortunately#was feeling kind of sick at the time and didn't really have the energy to do the decorations like I usually do. So they just got a few#treats and stuff. But I didn't know that would be george's last birthday lol. :/#They also do not really know or care though. they're cats who cannot process it or know the concept of birthdays so. eh#I still have no idea how these got lost on the computer though. Like I had them fully edited ready to post but just sitting in a folder??#Since MARCH 2022 lol... ??? the folder was in another folder of pictures so maybe that's how I overlooked it#But it's my 'once every 4 months computer organizing and clean out time' so I was going tghrough looking for pictures#I could drafts posts out of or sort or etc.#They got lots more treats for this birthday because one of my friends actually game me a few gifts for them#elderly boys.!!!!#I used to write in the little caption/image description sections to talk about them all individually but at some point tumblr broke that#feature and for so long they never saved or weren't visible so I stopped doing them and just ramble a bunch in the tags instead#but I kind of miss them. Thinking about old posts of the cats where I commented on each photo individually too lol.. the good ole days
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