#and feeling that old but always recurring longing for new friends

[e77y]

The visceral and hungering loneliness is back. You know what that means! Bedtime

[brodieland]

.˚ 𓈒 ࣪.𝝑𝝔 always matching, now the matched ´ˎ˗

Percy Jackson x Fem!Eros!Reader Synopsis: A road trip with Percy already left you spinning, now you got a dream from Eros to decipher Warning(s): guys I said the f word lock me upp Word Count: 2061 Part 1

It's been about a week since you and Percy brought over 7 year old Delilah back to camp. It's been about a week since those excruciating long hours stuck in a car. And it's been about a week since those late night talks with Percy, where you opened up like you never had with anyone.

You've felt... awkward? You didn't really know what it was, but ever since the little road trip your recurring dreams of your mom depressed over your dad have stopped. You hadn't seen Percy around as much, he'd been pretty busy doing head counselor duties. So was Piper, since she was also a head counselor.

You walked out your cabin and saw little Delilah sitting alone in front of the Hermes cabin. Since arriving she hadn't been claimed yet, you could tell she might've been a little sad about it, but that was normal for lots of campers. Sucks but it is what it is. You made your way over, "Hey Delilah, you feeling okay?"

"I'm okay, I just miss my dad," she frowned. You weren't really sure how to comfort someone when it comes to their dad, but you did your best.

"Your dad told me your like gardens," that seemed to catch her attention. "Wanna get some strawberries together?"

She smiled wide and nodded fast. You picked her up piggy-back style and skipped over towards the strawberry fields. "Woahh."

"Woah indeed," you said as you plopped her back down. You followed behind her as she roamed through the rows of strawberries. When she sat down by a bush, you sat next to her as you both enjoyed some strawberries together. "Taste good right?"

"Super," she giggled. "Y/N?"

"Yes?"

"Is Percy your boyfriend," Delilah ask. You let out a tense chuckle, you were definitely caught off guard.

"Oh uh, no. He's not my boyfriend. I don't have a boyfriend."

"Oh okay," she frowned. "He looks like he likes you, you know."

You couldn't tell if it was the summer sun or Delilahs teasing, but you were starting to sweat. Crushes weren't something you'd ever have, to be fair they were something you'd sworn off. And as far as you were concerned, people weren't really having crushes on you. "No he doesn't, we're just close friends."

"There you are," speak of the devil. "I've been looking everywhere for you."

And there he was, Percy! "Wow, haven't seen you in a minute."

"I've been busy being important," he joked as he took a seat next to you and Delilah. "Hey there Delilah."

He held out his fist which she bumped, "Hi Percy!"

"So whatcha guys talkin about?"

"Oh nothing!"

"Okay don't tell me," Percy dragged while looking at you up and down. Before you could say anything Delilah let out a loud and content sigh.

"Guys, look! I did something to the strawberries, taste them now," she handed you both a strawberry and they may have been the best strawberries you've ever tasted.

"Holy sh-" you smacked Percy's arm before he finished his sentence. "Ow."

"You'll be so okay its not even funny," you and Delilah laughed.

"Anyways," Percy continued. "How'd you do that?"

Before Delilah could answer, wheat, daisies and poppies appeared over her head. She was getting claimed by Demeter. The little girl started jumping up and down as she pulled you and Percy into a group hug. While in the hug, you saw Percy looking into your eyes and your mind just went blank. Before you knew it Percy stood up, grabbing Delilah in his arms, "Lets take you to met your siblings yeah?"

"Yeah!" Percy treated the younger campers so well, it made your heart melt. You stood by the Demeter cabin's door as Percy left Delilah with her new siblings, watching her fit in immediately. As you watched Percy, you remembered something he said, 'I knows there's someone out there ready to love you, trust me.'

What did he mean by that? You and Percy were walking side by side out of the Demeter cabin. You didn't realize how long you were quiet for before he broke the silence. "You there? Why're you so silent?"

"Oh," you stammered. "It's nothing."

"You know you can tell me anything right? There's no reason for you to be nervous or something."

You paused for a second. "When we got back. You said something, you told me there was someone out there ready to love me, and you looked so serious. What was that supposed to mean?"

You turned just to see him smiling down at you. Before you registered anything Percy just ran his hand through your hair and just draped it over your shoulders, holding you close for a second. "Cupid really is just a nickname, not a real title. Hmm?"

You just tilted your head as Percy excused himself, claiming to still have more jobs to attended too. After a couple of hours, it was curfew time, so you headed back to your cabin to get some sleep. The dreams were back, but this was different. It was new, and it didn't have anything to do with your mom any more.

You stood in the middle of an empty beach. No, not just any beach. It was the one at camp. As you looked around and realized it wasn't so empty. You saw a girl sitting by herself watching the sunset, when a boy made his way over. They started talking, though they were too far away to pick up on what they were saying. The closer you got, the more familiar they looked.

It was you and Percy. It was you and Percy the day you met.

Suddenly the setting changed and it was dark out. You turned around and saw orange and red colors blazing in the campfire. And who were the only people there? You and Percy. It was the day you both couldn't stop burning your marshmallows. You remember this, he almost burned your finger.

The scene changed again, and again, and again. They were all past memories of you and Percy throughout all the time you've known him. Right now you were watching the late night talk in the car with him.

One last time, you're back at the strawberry fields, watching you and Percy stare into each others eyes. Fast forward, now you're watching him pull you close. Why were you seeing this?

You and Percy disappeared, but you stayed back in the middle of camp. You looked around, but saw nothing.

"I know what you want, my girl." "People don’t change, not really."

"Who are you," you called out.

"I've been watching you. You're quite the stubborn one aren't you?"

You stoped moving for a second, "Dad?"

"Why are you denying love for yourself? Why aren't you allowing yourself to enjoy something like love?"

"You saw what you did to mom, why would I let myself fall in love like that," anger started to seep into your voice.

"Oh my dear. How naive you are, love is a natural force. As natural as fear, it cannot be avoided as much as you try."

Your breathing started getting faster, you started hearing Eros' voice come closer from behind you. When you turned around, you saw something flying towards you.

It was an arrow, landing straight in your heart.

You sat straight up in your bunk, covered in sweat. You were breathing hard as you looked around, making sure you didn't wake anyone else up. You checked your window and saw it was still dark out, probably uaround 3AM. You quietly slipped out of your bed and made your way to the bathroom. You stood there staring at yourself in the mirror.

An arrow landed straight through your heart. Your heart started beating faster, the sweating getting worse. 'Love is as natural as fear', you've never felt love, and all you're feeling right now is fear. You didn't want to end up like your mom. You know what Eros was saying when he was showing all the memories with Percy. And you didn't want to say it out loud. You looked down and saw your hands shaking. You took a deep breathe before heading back out and go to bed. Keeping yourself up wasn't going to make you feel better, so you just fell back asleep.

The next morning you woke up by getting violently shaken awake. "Hello???"

You groaned as you sat up, meeting with a pair of beautiful sea-green eyes. "Finally your up, you missed breakfast you know."

"Oh-" you started stammering over your words. That dream really messed with your mind. You really needed a shower, the sweating was getting out of control. You may have had a problem.

"Y/N, are you okay? You look a little.. red? Are you sick," Percy asked as he brought his hand and placed it on your forehead. You swatted it away and quickly made your way to the bathroom, again.

"I'm fine," you ran into the door, and Percy just couldn't help but stare at you confused. You just opened it and locked it behind you, hoping to wash off your embarrassment in the shower.

You wanted to spend the rest of the day avoiding everyone. Everywhere you walked, you saw a spot from your dreams, or a spot you made memories with Percy. Percy. Stupid Eros. You decided to just ignore the dream, put a bathing suit on and relax by the beach. The sound of the ocean calmed you, no matter how much they reminded you of Percy. Or maybe that's why you liked them so much.

As you sat with your knees to your chest, you saw a shadow looming from behind you. You didn't have to be a rocket scientist to know whose toned figure was approaching behind you.

"Hey Percy," he took a seat next to you, mirroring the way your sat.

"Hey Y/N," he greeted as he stared out toward the ocean. You both sat in silence enjoying the scene in front of you. "What's up with you?"

You were quiet, feeling conflicted on whether or not telling him of your dream. "Getting over your fears isn't as easy as people say."

One thing you love about talking with Percy, is that he just listened. Never asked a million questions, or cut you off, or made you feel any less when you opened up. He just listened.

Love. You just said love.

"I had a dream," you turned to see him looking at you, eyes encouraging you to continue. "It was Eros, he was trying to tell me something. I mean the message was pretty clear, he shot an arrow through my fucking heart."

You chuckled and Percy looked a little confused. "It scared me."

"Wanna talk about the rest of the dream?"

You watched the waves for a moment before continuing. "It just started with a bunch of memories of us, from when we first met to now. He called me naive. Naive, for thinking I can avoid falling in love. It's funny, that's what I called everyone else in love. Naive."

"What are you saying," Percy asked softly.

"I'm saying, to be in love is to be dumb and afraid. And I'm stupid and terrified," your eyes started stinging, though nothing fell out. "You know, my brain just goes blank when I look at you. I think I'm going a little crazy."

Percys put his legs in criss-cross apple sauce and turned directly to you. He held his arms out for you. You hesitated before going close and laying into Percy's chest. "Sounds like you might just be in love."

"With you," you whispered into Percy's chest.

"Hmm?"

"With you," you sat up and looked into Percy's face. "I'm in love with you, Percy. You told me to trust you, to trust you that someone was ready to love me. Did you mean you?"

He smiled, "I'm glad your not actually that dense." You just rolled your eyes, "Yeah, I was talking about me."

"Your not gonna disappear on me are you?"

"You couldn't pay me enough," you laughed softly at his answer.

"Can you, just, kiss me already," lots of things can change in less than two weeks.

One whose fear is someone she loves leaving her behind. Another whose fatal flaw is loyalty. What a pair.

[raina-at]

Laugh

Please don’t ever become a stranger whose laugh I would recognise anywhere

The city lights reflect on the Danube river on this mild summer evening. The whole city is outside, at least it feels like it. Restaurants and bars and cafes have all put their chairs and tables outside. Schanigarten, the Viennese call it. A delightfully chaotic yet orderly habit of using public land for the enjoyment of everyone. 

Sherlock should sleep. But the city is so lovely, and the night is so mild. For once, he’s not being chased, or shot at, or hunted. He’s waiting, for new papers, for a new identity, and Vienna in June is a good place to wait. 

The wind smells like hope and a river in a city. It reminds Sherlock of London. The Danube is a different beast altogether, of course, the great stream meandering through most of middle and eastern Europe before making its way into the Black Sea. It’s been a recurring companion, in Romania, in Germany, in Hungary. Here, in Vienna, he feels like it’s greeting him like an old friend. 

He’s walking through the inner city, just enjoying the anonymity of the masses, tourists, mainly, but many locals as well, having a beer or a glass of wine outside after a long work day. It smells vaguely of frying fat and horse manure. It reminds him of London again, of walking down Whitehall past the horse guards.

Soon. He can go home soon. One last job. Mycroft promised. 

Suddenly, out of nowhere, he feels like some invisible hand has reached into his chest and is piercing his heart.

That laugh…

It can’t be.

He steps into a doorway and looks around, tries to isolate the sound.

He’s not here. You’re kidding yourself. You were thinking of him. Of home. 

There. In the Schanigarten across the street. A group of British tourists. A man laughs. He looks nothing like John. But his laugh…

For just a second, Sherlock thought… 

Hoped…

What he wouldn’t give for once glance. Just a tiny glance. Just a second, to know John is all right. 

He closes his eyes and imagines. What it would be like, if this man over there, who looks nothing like John but has his laugh, was actually John. And he knows, he knows, it’s actually better that it’s not John, because Sherlock wouldn’t be satisfied with one glance. 

What if this was truly John? Would he wait in the shadows, watching? Would he follow John home through the dark alleys and cobbled streets of this lovely city? Would he finally step out of the shadows, just as John is ready to go into his hotel? 

Would he grab John’s wrist, pull him into a shadowy courtyard? Would John try to yell, just to recognise Sherlock as Sherlock puts his hand over his mouth to stifle the scream? Would John look at him in shock, wide-eyed with wonder? 

Would Sherlock then replace the hand with his mouth, press their lips together, taste John’s fiery anger, his sweet relief, his voice, whispering, “Sherlock…”?

Would John take Sherlock back to his room? Would they not talk all night, just for the dawn to come and for Sherlock to leave with one last, lingering kiss to remind them both that this wasn’t a fever dream, but real, and precious? Would he promise to come back, would John promise to wait?

Sherlock pounds his fist against the wall to remind himself where he is. Who he is. Why he can’t lose himself in a stupid, childish fantasy. 

He has a job to do. A job he needs to finish before he can indulge in even thinking about what a possible after would look like. A job that needs to be done so John can be safe. 

He doesn’t want you that way anyway… 

But maybe… maybe when I come back… 

Stop it. You have a job to do. You can’t afford the distraction.

Tomorrow, he will travel to Belgrade, where the Danube will greet him on the last leg of his journey. He’ll finish his job, and then, he can go home.

Then, maybe…

Tomorrow, he moves on.

Tonight, he listens to a stranger’s laugh that sounds so much like home, and he allows himself to dream. 

-----

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@calaisreno @totallysilvergirl @jrow @peanitbear @jolieblack @meetinginsamarra @helloliriels @keirgreeneyes @lisbeth-kk @friday411 @givemesherbet-blog-blog @salmonsown @weeesi @thalialunacy @thegildedbee @dapetty

[sjsmith56]

One Shots Masterlist

A Better Choice - Avengers AU - Bucky volunteers for a charity to help their Christmas fundraising. Quite fluffy

Aliens, Androids, and Wizards or The Best First Date Ever - An invasion by the big three interrupts Bucky’s date.

Always Bumping Into Each Other - A nanny and her charge seem to be wherever Bucky and the Avengers are during some dangerous situations.

Amends - Bucky makes amends to someone for the loved one he killed and the loved one he didn’t kill but felt responsible for.

Another Time - Bucky as the Winter Soldier, experiences breaks in his programming that allows memories to filter through. Some memories are true but some are not.

Bucky Barnes, Deadpool and the TVA (or How I ended up inside the fourth wall) - A Bucky Barnes fanfiction writer finds herself in the same universe as the Thunderbolts* Bucky when she wakes up in his bed.

Cold Hearted - AU - A marriage of convenience between the son and daughter of two CEOs leads to friendship and more.

Faces of Bucky Barnes - An interaction with the multiverse affects Bucky Barnes during a tough time in his life.

How I Really Feel About You - Bucky, his girlfriend, and the Avengers watch the Pride and Prejudice movie.

I Won’t Watch You Die - 1940s AU. Bucky and Steve, caught during a bank robbery are given the opportunity to become part of a special unit for the Strategic Scientific Reserve, formed to fight HYDRA. Bucky’s wife is happy they aren’t in jail but she has her own fears of what could happen to her husband.

Island Recluse - Avengers AU - A woman writer tries to track down Bucky after he retired from the Avengers to claim a $10 million prize.

It’s Been a Long, Long Time - Avengers AU - Bucky has a recurring dream about a woman he connected with in WW2 who died in his arms.

It Takes Two - AU Bucky meets a recently divorced woman as they both enter the same bar, learning they have something very specific in common.

Letting Go - A bomb traps Bucky in the rubble of a building and he contemplates letting go because his critical injuries will likely kill him before he can be rescued.

Level 42 - A former guard from the Siberian HYDRA facility tells Bucky a secret that sends him back to the structure to find someone.

Make Believe - Bucky’s cover is blown on an undercover mission and he tries to get out of town with the help of two civilians.

Making It Clear - Bucky’s live-in girlfriend is subject to bullying and gaslighting by another agent while he is on long missions. Then Bucky finds out.

Motivation - Avengers AU. Bucky has a meet cute with a woman and makes plans to meet her again. When he gets back to the Tower he learns she’s been kidnapped.

Neighbourly - Bucky meets his new neighbour but it doesn’t go well at first.

None Shall Sleep - Bucky helps his new neighbour out, learning about her love of opera.

On the Road - Bucky takes a witness to a murder on the road to keep her safe. Over the long trip, they become close.

Promises Kept - Bucky, visiting a movie set, has issues with the stunt double portraying him as the Winter Soldier.

Resolutions - Friends with benefits becomes something more. New Year’s Eve fluff.

Sergeant Barnes - Set in WW2 when the Howling Commandos have leave at their British base. Bucky prepares for a dance.

Still Friends - Two years after breaking up, a woman calls her ex-boyfriend, Bucky, for help after her current boyfriend assaults her.

The Gift - Avengers AU - The Winter Soldier experiences his only Christmas as an individual with the Avengers before Bucky’s missing soul is reunited with him.

The Important Stuff - Bucky gets up to feed his infant son and takes advantage of the bonding moment. Very sweet and fluffy.

The Old Familiar Places - Bucky Barnes is impressed with a Broadway performer on opening night and shows up every night to hear her sing I’ll Be Seeing You. Fluffy.

The Recruit - A former special forces operative is recruited by Sam and Bucky but they have to get past her trust issues first.

The Rules - One shot AU. A mobster’s daughter meets the love of her life but The Rules get in the way of it developing into something more.

The Way Station - Bucky waits out a heavy fog at gas station restaurant where he is confronted by a man with an agenda.

Torn Stocking - WW2 Bucky makes an impression on a woman at the Stark Expo dance after she tears her stocking.

Which Bucky Am I Writing Today? - A Bucky Barnes fanfic writer receives help from three different Bucky’s in her WIPs. Mature themes, minors DNI, for readers 18+.

You’ll Never Know - Non-canon. Bucky meets a Wren upon his arrival in Liverpool in June 1943. Their initial flirtation becomes much more by Christmas, 1944.

Main masterlist

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

I just read through the Wish Upon A Star event for the first time and it's a nice heartfelt story! But hoo BOY do some things about this event feel unexpectedly heavier now with the context of Book 6 and what's currently out for Book 7, particularly with the Diasomnia boys ...

Wish Upon a Star was really nice for the Shroud brothers' story in hindsight! I wouldn't say the event has anything "essential" (you can still understand book 6 without seeing any of Wish Upon a Star), but it definitely adds extra context (like sprinkles on top of an ice-cream sundae!) and some vague foreshadowing to the upcoming main story happenings. (It helped a lot that both brothers were featured cards for this event; they could share the spotlight!) We learn some new information that is fundamentally rooted in what we already know of the Shroud brothers (ie Idia is into video games, Ortho is supportive of his brother) and how it all plays together in a grander narrative. Star Rogue was actually first introduced in this event as something important to Idia and Ortho's childhoods, which later becomes a recurring motif in book 6. The book even closes on Idia playing it with all of his new NRC friends (?). The legend of the Starsending itself, of course, refers to the story of Pinocchio, where a puppet turned into a real boy--a theme which eventually carries over to Ortho, the robot that gains humanity. Additionally, we get a more in-depth exploration of Ortho and Idia's relationship in Wish Upon a Star. We see that Ortho, despite being a robot who would easily be able to look up anything he doesn't understand, still has a child-like wonder about wishes coming true and even dedicates his own wish to hoping that his older brother's wish comes true. It's Idia who expresses a deep cynicism for the Starsending and acts like a buzzkill (pointing out that the stars most likely react to people's body temperature rather than light up in response to being whispered a wish). This reflects their behavior in book 6 too: Idia is the one who has given up hope, and Ortho is the one who seeks to help his brother's dreams come true.

I guess something similar applies for the Diasomnia boys? 🤔 Although to be fair, this event came out in summer of 2020 (when the game itself first launched in March 2020), so we didn't know a ton about the Diasomnia boys back then. A lot of what they said for their wishes would have easily been dismissed as just normal characterization, but it definitely comes off as more ominous knowing what we now know of book 7:

Sebek’s wish: “I wish for the whole world to kneel before our king.” WELL. You definitely got that wish granted, Sebek 😭 cuz all of Twisted Wonderland is about to kneel over in a deep sleep once Malleus’s UM spreads far enough… Sebek is pretty much always going on about how powerful Malleus is, but in book 7 it’s not so fun having to deal with that magic now turned against us and set on consuming the world.

Silver’s wish: “I wish… for my father to have a long life.” When we first heard of this, the assumption was that Lilia would outlive Silver?? Especially with how spry Lilia is portrayed to be… BUT THEN IT TURNS OUT 700 YEAR OLD LILIA’S MAGIC IS ON THE DECLINE AND HE WANTS TO GO DIE ALONE IN A FOREIGN LAND 😩 Silver also mentions during his wish segment that he owes a lot to his father and isn’t close to repaying him for everything he has done. This is a sentiment Silver shares again in book 7… in which he then proceeds to break down and cry in front of Malleus about those insecurities 😭

Lilia’s wish: “My wish is… for humans, fae, and all other species to live in harmony.” This one hits super different because right now we’re witnessing Lilia’s past self as a general actively fighting against humans and being suspicious of them. His present self is much more peace and harmony loving, even instilling in Silver a respect for all creatures and lecturing Malleus and Sebek for their sometimes ignorant behavior towards other races. He acknowledges the challenges that come with bringing together those from all walks of life, but he’s also the first to preach about how the importance of it. People may be weak alone, but they can come together like the threads on a spindle to become something stronger together. This is a testament to how much Lilia’s feelings and him as an individual have evolved over time. What’s even sadder is that when you read Lilia’s words, it definitely sounds like he’s reflecting on his unsavory past, and wishing for a better world for the future: “You've learned about […] all the countless tales of our failure to compromise, and the resulting conflicts? I have no desire to see such history repeated.” So he makes the same wish every year…

Malleus’s wish: “I wish for Roaring Drago (Gao-Gao Dragon-kun) to make a friend.” Gao-Gao makes his first appearance in Malleus’s Labwear vignettes, but becomes a more integral part of Malleus’s story in other materials, then culminates as a motif in book 7. The importance of this virtual pet cannot be understated in regards to its connection with Malleus’s understanding of human lives and change. Prior to book 7, we see Gao-Gao as something “like Malleus”—it’s alone, a dragon hatched from an egg. (One can say that wishing for Gao-Gao to have friends is a metaphor for how Malleus himself wants friends.) During book 7, the perception of Gao-Gao changes; now it is likened to Malleus’s loved ones. He fears them leaving, just like Gao-Gao does when he’s all grown up—and so Malleus justifies his extreme actions with the excuse of, “I want them to live a happy fantasy forever and ever, just as though Gao-Gao were with me for all of time”. It’s how Malleus rationalizes his actions and comes to understand others. What makes Gao-Gao and even more prominent symbol in book 7 is its ties with Lilia; as Malleus notes in his Starsending segment, Gao-Gao was a gift from Lilia’s travels… and Gao-Gao set to leave once it has fully matured, so, too, comes the painful reminder that Lilia set to leave soon. It puts more pressure on Malleus to act, to come up with some kind of solution for a “happily ever after”. It’s his way of keeping his friends with him… whether they want it or not.

[gloomzombie]

I'll Bury You For This

Pairing: Jeff The Killer X Male Reader

Warnings: None

Word Count: 4,861

Chapter One: Smells Like Teen Spirit

August 16. 7:20 am.

The sound of my alarm blaring woke me up. I groaned and flipped over on my bed, turning the damned thing off. I hate it but it's not like anyone else is gonna wake me up.

I sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. Ah, today would be the first day of school. The first day of my senior year to be exact. God, when did I get so old? I'll be turning 18 in two months!

"Ughh," I exclaimed in a tired voice. I stood up and went to my closet, taking out some clothes. I took those to the bathroom, my mind fogged with sleep. I'm not exactly sure how I feel starting the new year.

I mean I'm gonna go through this year, then it'll be my last summer before I start college. It feels abnormal to even think about it.

I took my shower and put on my clothes afterward. I wore some skinny jeans, a random band shirt, and some accessories like necklaces and chains. I also decided to style my hair a little so I didn't look terrible. I also put on some pencil eyeliner. Liquid eyeliner is way too feminine for me.

After all that was done, I grabbed my backpack and made my way through the hallway to the kitchen. I took out a chocolate chip muffin I bought yesterday and stuffed it in my bag.

I always eat my small breakfast in school. I can't stand being here for longer than I have to. I check the time on my phone. It read 7:58 am.

Perfect. I can go now and won't be too early. I put my phone in my pocket and grabbed my keys off the kitchen counter. I stopped at the door to put my shoes on.

"You were just gonna leave without speaking to me?" My heart dropped in my chest at the sound of his voice. Shit. I finished tying my shoes and stood up straight, looking over at where it came from.

Down the hallway stood my dad, who I've recently started calling John, in a sweat-stained tank top and plaid pajama bottoms. Classic deadbeat dad fit. "Sorry. I didn't want to wake you but I also wanted to get to school a little early." I fiddled with the hem of my shirt anxiously.

My dad rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I'll just call your mother to come get your stuff while you're gone. Maybe you'll be happier there since you hate me so much."

I sighed, trying not to feel anything as I repeated my recurring responses. "I don't hate you." "Why do you hate me so much? Let's talk about this because I wanna know." He stared me down, waiting by his bedroom doorway.

"I don't hate you." "Uhuh. I believe that."

I turned the doorknob, knowing if I don't leave now I'll be here for a long time. "I'm not done talking to you! Don't walk away from me when I'm speaking to you, little boy!" He yelled at me as I walked out the door.

I quickly locked the door and about ran to my bike. I picked it up and took off as fast as I could, ignoring the sound of the door slamming open.

8:18 am.

I got to school later than I wanted to, but I didn't really think much of it. I immediately went to first period, not in the mood to deal with everyone in the hallways.

I went inside and took my seat in the back. I was one of the only people in the classroom. Even the teacher wasn't in yet. I sighed, slouching in my chair.

I let my eyes wander over the classroom and rolled my eyes. I need to listen to music if I wanna get through the day. I took my phone and earbuds out of my pocket, putting the earbuds in my ears.

I played my most recently made playlist. I decided I'd save my muffin for later. I don't really have much of an appetite after this morning.

As the students packed into the room over the next few minutes, I continued listening to music until my best friend's familiar face showed up.

I smiled, turning off my music and taking out my earbuds. "Xander!" I called. He turned his head toward my direction, previously eyeing the girl he was talking to. "Hey!" He turned back and muttered something to her, to which she giggled in response.

He made his way over to me. "Shit. Honestly, I wasn't sure you'd show," He smirked, taking the seat beside me. I rolled my eyes and scoffed. "Could say the same thing to you."

"Touche touche. Soo did you ever get that guy's number?" He asked, lowering his voice a bit as he spoke.

I gave him a confused expression, racking my mind for what guy he could be talking about. He spoke up again while I was still thinking about who it could be.

"The guy with long hair that worked at Spencers?" Xander rolled his eyes. My expression relaxed. "Oh, him? Nah, last time I went he was with another dude and they kissed so I mean." I answered, putting my earbuds back in my backpack.

"Wellll...you could still have asked for his number," Xander wiggled his eyebrows and I punched him in the arm. "No! I'm not doing that when he was obviously with someone." I roll my eyes, exasperated by him already.

"I would have if it were a chick." "Yeah, 'cause you're a manwhore." Now it was his turn to punch me. We laughed and talked more until the teacher finally showed up.

"Sorry students, I was caught up in the teacher's lounge," Ms. Johnson cleared her throat and put her things down on her desk messily.

"Yeah, caught up with Mr. Evans," Xander said just above a whisper. The girls in the back of the room giggled. Ah, so the fangirls are already starting.

Ms. Johnson's face scrunched up a tad as she obviously heard his comment, but she ignored it. "Now, today we won't have a lesson since it's the first day, but I do have some word searches that you will be graded on." She then told someone in the front to pass the papers back.

As the papers were being passed around, people started conversations with their friends. Xander was too busy talking to the girls around us. I try to tune it out since he can be pretty gross.

I felt a small tap on my shoulder and I turned in my seat. "Hi, sorry for bothering you. I just wanted to say I really like your shirt and like- your style in general." It was a girl I had never seen before. She had an alternative style, her teased hair and many facial piercings making it obvious.

She wore all black and on the front of her shirt was a metal band logo I recognized- Aversions Crown. I had to look down at my shirt, forgetting which one I slipped on. Carnifex. "Oh, thanks. I like yours too." I gave her a nice smile. I rarely ever found people that liked metal here, the heaviest music people usually like is older rock music and the occasional Metallica song.

"Thanks! They're one of my favorites," she averted her gaze. I could tell she was flustered even under her pale makeup. "Oh! I'm sorry I forgot to tell you my name." She realized. "I'm Lily," her black lips turned up at the corners into a soft smile.

"It's fine. I'm Y/N," I smiled back at her. It'd be cool to have another actual friend. "Lilyy! Are you done talking to that cute boy yet? I still need to talk to you about what happened with you know who," a girl from a few desks away whined.

Lily covered her mouth with her hand. "Sorry about that. Talk later?" She asked. I nodded. "Yeah sure." She walked back over to the other girl and they started talking and giggling amongst themselves.

I sighed and looked back over at Xander. He was still talking to the girls that surrounded him. I never understood why he was so popular. He's an emo dude and aren't emo dudes supposed to get bullied?

He is pretty. Really pretty. But how in the hell did they think that too?

"Oh! Class, can I get your attention please?" Ms. Johnson spoke up. I looked over at her, but only a few other people did as well. "I said, can I have your attention?" She raised her voice a little and that got a majority of the class's attention.

"As you know, we don't usually get too many new students. But, this young man is an exception!" She smiled as she looked up at the "young man" beside her.

Oh? Beside her stood probably one of the prettiest guys I've seen at this school, and that's saying a lot since he had a mask on, concealing the bottom half of his face.

That got everyone's attention. "Go on, introduce yourself." His eyes slanted ever so slightly, obviously annoyed. Was it obvious or am I just paying a lot of attention to him?

"I'm Jeff. That's all you need to know about me." His gravely, deep voice caught me off guard.

Oh my GOD his voice. I inhaled sharply, sitting up a bit straighter. I need to calm down.

Ms. Johnson sighed, clearly just not wanting to deal with anything today. "Alright. Find an empty seat anywhere and finish this by the end of the day." She handed him the word search and his eyes scanned the room, probably looking for a seat.

I watched as his eyes landed on me, or rather the chair beside me then actually to me. Oh god, focus focus focus. I quickly averted my gaze to the unfinished word search on my desk, fiddling with the pencil in between my fingers.

I can't focus. His footsteps came closer and closer till it was just the sound of the plastic chair moving against the linoleum floor. I shouldn't be stressing out this much over a new guy but damn. There's something about the way he carries himself that really catches my attention...but y'know his looks help.

"Hey." I heard him speak up and I took my time to turn my head towards him, with a lot of self-control mind you. "Oh, hey." I let my eyes rest on his. I note the bluish-grey color they were.

"Saw you were eyeing the hell outta me. What was that about? You have a problem?" Jeff asked, his tone harsh and defensive. I gave him a confused expression. "No? Am I not allowed to look at you?" I asked sarcastically.

I watched his furrowed eyes soften a little. Does he like attitude or something? "Not in the way you were looking at me." He retorted, his voice laced with venom. He leaned closer to me and I could swear I could feel my face heat up.

"Listen. I'm gonna say this once and only once. Don't mess with me. I promise you, you won't enjoy what happens." Jeff's eyes pierced into mine as his words registered in my mind.

The hell? Threatening me when he doesn't even know me? 'You won't enjoy what happens.' Yeah we'll see about that.

"And what's going to happen if I do?" I retaliated. I don't like being threatened, especially by someone that doesn't know anything about me.

Jeff's eyebrow raised and he chuckled, an evil sound coming from behind his lips. "Oh, you really have no clue who you're messing with here." "Enlighten me."

"Alright, class! We have two minutes until this period is over. Gather your things and you can take your word searches. Make sure to turn them in to me before the end of the day." Ms. Johnson's voice interrupted our conversation.

"Just leave me alone if you know what's good for you." Jeff stood up quickly, picking up his bag in the same movement then walking out the door. My eyes lay on the doorway for a second.

Well, he sure is interesting. Interesting and hot, but that's not important.

10:48 am.

My next class was pretty much the same. Again, it is the first day so we didn't do much. Xander doesn't share it with me and neither did that Lily girl, so I drew most of the period.

After that class ended, I headed into the hallway. I made my way to my locker. That new kid, Jeff, was rummaging through the one beside mine. Oh great. So he took the locker that was vacant last year.

I sighed and went up to my own, unlocking it and putting my books in there that I wouldn't need right now. I couldn't help but scrunch my face at how dull it looked. I'll have to decorate it more when I can. I can't stand how boring it looks right now.

I could feel Jeff's burning gaze on the side of my head, but I ignored it. I shut my locker and made my way to third period.

I was again one of the first people there, taking a seat in the back as usual. I took a book out of my bag and picked up where I left off, tuning out the chitter-chatter and miscellaneous noises of the class.

I continued reading, getting really into the chapter, until I heard the sound of the moving of the chair sat beside mine. I look up from my book. Jeff sat there next to me, his gaze set nowhere in particular.

I let my eyes roam the room and notice something. Really? There are so many other empty chairs. After all that he said to me in first period, he's still gonna sit next to me? I couldn't help the smug expression that grazed my face. Jeff's eyes moved over to meet mine.

"Why're you looking at me like that?" he snapped. I smirked. "Well, it seems to me you're contradicting yourself." Jeff's eyebrow raised in confusion. "You threatened me just an hour ago yet," I motioned towards the chair he was sitting at, "you still choose to sit next to me."

Jeff huffed, his eyebrows knit in a tight line. "Whatever. I just like to sit in the back. Has absolutely nothing to do with you." He turned his gaze back to look in front of him as if he were thinking.

I chuckled. "Whatever helps you sleep at night, sugar." Jeff's head flung back to look at me. "The FUCK did you just call me?" He raised his voice a little, causing us to get a few looks from people.

I smirked, leaning closer just a bit. "Sugarr." I pulled back and looked back at my book, smiling at the expression the simple pet name left on his face.

12:10 pm.

After third period ended, I made my way back to my locker and put some more stuff in it for tomorrow. I took my bag with me as I made my way through the hall.

My gaze was kept at my feet. I usually keep to myself and am only ever bothered by people who somehow like me. I'm pretty sure it's just because I'm best friends with Xander though.

"Y/N?" I stopped my trip to the cafeteria and turned to look at who it was this time. It was a guy that stopped me this time, which shocked me a little bit.

It's mostly girls that stop me and won't stop giggling and smiling as they try to get me to go out with them.

"Yeah, that's me," I responded. I don't recognize him. He had fluffy brown hair and wore some baggy pants and a brown striped sweater. He was shorter than me, so I had to look down at him.

"I know you don't know me but, I've always thought you looked really cool. Do you think we could sit together at lunch?" He asked. His eyes were avoiding mine, looking down at the floor as he fiddled with his fingers. Is he really this nervous to talk to me?

"Uh.. yeah. Yeah sure," I decided it wouldn't hurt. Xander would have to suck it up if he wants me to sit with him.

I continued my walk to the cafeteria, but now with this random guy. I probably shouldn't call him random but what else would I call him when I don't know him?

We went through the doorway as we arrived at the cafe. I looked around, noticing Xander. I was planning on telling him I'd be sitting with someone else today, but I stopped myself from approaching his table.

With the way every chair at it was taken by another bleach blonde girl with self tanned skin, I have a feeling he wouldn't care one bit.

I shrugged. It doesn't surprise me. "Isn't that your friend?" The shorter male's voice spoke. I sighed. "Best friend, yeah." I kept my response short as I started to walk in the direction of an empty table.

I quickly sat in one of the chairs and the guy sat in the one directly in front of me. "Is he always an ass like that?" He muttered, which made me laugh a little.

I slid a hand through my hair, not caring if it messed up a little. "Yeah, that's just him. It doesn't really bother you after a while." I started rummaging through my backpack and pulled out my muffin and a water bottle.

"Oh, I didn't tell you my name did I?" I turned my gaze toward him as I zipped my bag back up. I shook my head and watched as his face got a little red.

He averted his gaze, biting his lip. "Sorry. I'm Gage." I took my muffin out of the wrapper as he nervously introduced himself.

It was a cute name, and it suited him very well. "Cute." I replied, voicing my thoughts aloud. I couldn't help the smile from grazing my lips as I watched his face redden and how his hand moves up to cover his mouth.

"I don't think so," Gage responds, his eyes going to mine for a split second before moving away again. I tilted my head. "Welll," I took his hand in mine and pulled it down from his face, "I think it's perfect for you."

His eyes met mine once more and he couldn't hide how red his face has gotten at this point. I chuckled and let go of his hand.

I can't ever help myself. Flirting with people is my thing. I love to make them flustered and watch as they squirm under my gaze, especially if they're pretty.

"I..Uh..." Gage looked away once more. I pulled my hand away from his and started eating my muffin. At least I'll be getting something out of this school year.

1:30pm

The rest of lunch and fourth period went by in a blur. The time I had left in lunch I spent getting to know Gage more.

He's pretty cute honestly. Not only was his appearance cute though, his personality was adorable. I think we're gonna be good friends, especially if Xander keeps distancing himself from me.

Fourth period was really boring, but math usually is. At least the work was just review work so it was really simple.

I make my way to my locker, putting my math textbook in it. I made my way to fifth period, not really paying attention to my surroundings.

My next class is history, which I'm not insanely thrilled about but I'll be alright. If it were something more interesting like Greek or Roman history I'd be all for it but it's just gonna be American history yet again.

I walked into class and made my way to the back, taking the seat closest to the window. I took my notebook out and opened it.

I started doodling, as I'm yet again early. I sighed, my thoughts elsewhere as I absentmindedly drew whatever my hand wanted to.

I continued drawing, even when the class started filling up more- and even when he sat next to me once more.

It's probably not gonna end well, drawing without thinking. If I'm not thinking, time is going by faster which means I'll be going home faster.

I let my eyes refocus onto my page, looking at what I drew. It was merely a sketch, but it wasn't too bad. It was a random person, just someone I drew easily.

The eye shape, nose shape, mouth shape, body shape...all were easy for me to draw which is why I drew it so often.

I let my eyes trail over to the desk beside mine, then to the person sitting at it. Jeff's eyes were staring down at my desk, my paper specifically.

I moved my gaze back over at my paper. I looked back at him and realized I drew someone that kind of looks like him. The hair, style, body type, eyes. The only thing different was how the person had a nose and mouth.

"Why did you draw me?" Jeff's gravely voice spoke up, as harsh as it was earlier. "I didn't mean to? I mean I can't even see the bottom half of your face dude, calm down." I rolled my eyes at his rudeness.

Seriously, why in the hell would I purposely draw him? He's not exactly the most unique looking person out there.

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, whatever. Look, I don't understand your obsession with me but you should stop while you're ahead." He kept his eyes locked onto mine, like he was trying to blow me up with his mind or something.

I smirked. "I think you're projecting a bit here, lovebug." Jeff's eyes widened a bit before he hit the table with his hand lightly. "The fuck is with the stupid pet names?"

His small outburst made a few people turn their heads to look at us. I didn't really mind it so why shouldn't I push a little further?

I leaned closer to him, resting my elbows on my knees as I looked up into his eyes. "Oh I think we both know the answer to that, honey."

Jeff scoffed, his eyes squinted a tad. "You can't just walk up in here looking that attractive and not expect me to react to it." I kept my smirk as his disgusted expression faded into a confused one, one of his eyebrows raised slightly.

I leaned a little closer, whispering words I didn't necessarily mean. "If we weren't in a class filled with other people right now, I'm not sure I'd be able to control myself around you." I pulled back, taking in his expression.

The way the tip of his ears reddened, and the way his eyes widened; the way he was left utterly speechless. I knew I got in his mind, exactly like I wanted.

Teasing people has got to be my favorite thing to do. Some people think you're being a dick when you do that, but I really don't care. It's fun, especially when the other person isn't expecting it.

"Alright, class. Today we're going to do a simple word search of the American presidents since it's the first day." I didn't even realize the teacher walked in. Nor did I realize how everyone else was here or how many of them were listening. The giggling from some of the girls and the way a few of them had smiles on their faces proved just how many there were.

I sat back in my seat and turned my attention to the front of the class. The silence from the man beside me kept the smile on my face from fading away.

2:50pm

Sixth period went by all too quickly, as it was Art- my favorite class of the day. It was a simple assignment, a self portrait in your own style.

Xander shares that class with me. It bums me out a bit that we only have two classes together, but that probably won't bum me out for too much longer.

Xander barely spoke a word to me, keeping his attention on the girls that were constantly surrounding him. I drew even when I was done with my assignment.

He didn't come up to me once. The only time we talked was when I did it. I asked him if he'd want to hang out after school, but he shut me down quickly with "Nah, sorry dude. I'm gonna be "hanging out" with Jade tonight if you get what I mean," and ended it with a wink.

It felt degrading. Obviously I'm not oblivious to his sex life and whatnot, but he never makes time for his best friend. I don't want to dwell on it though.

I walked out of school, taking my bike and getting on it. I looked around to make sure I wouldn't get run over or something and started making my way back home.

As much as I hate it, I have to go straight home. My lack of friends really gets to me sometimes, especially with the fact I'm starting to lose the one I thought I never would.

3:15pm.

I leaned my bike against the house and stared at the white door in front of me. I chewed at my lip nervously. I know I have to, so I push myself to put the keys into the doors and unlock it.

I opened the door and locked it behind me. "How was school?" I heard my dad speak up from the couch.

"It was alright," I replied simply, going to the kitchen. "Ah, it was just school, huh?" His voice was loud enough the neighbors could probably hear him.

"Yeah." I threw away some trash, including the stupid drawing I made in History. I took a water bottle out of the fridge and went back into the living room.

"God, why are you so hateful to me?" My dad asked. I sighed, rubbing the bridge of my nose in annoyance.

I can't stand this already. "How am I being hateful?" I asked. "The way you act." I looked at him, rolling my eyes.

"How do I act?" "You know how you're acting." "No I don't," I made my way to my room, putting my backpack down and sitting on my bed. I took my phone out, plugging it in.

"Don't walk away when I'm talking to you." I looked up and there he was, at my doorway.

I closed my eyes, trying to calm myself down a bit. "What do you want?"

"Why are you being so rude to me?" He pushed. "I'm not being rude to you." Fuck I hate this. "Yes you are."

Why won't he just stop? "God, can't you just leave me alone?" I opened my eyes, staring directly at him.

His jaw dropped open and his eyes furrowed into a frown. "The hell did you just say to me?"

He walked forward, causing me to flinch back into my bed. "Why'd you do that? You know I'm not in the habit of hitting you."

Doesn't mean I like when you get close to me. "What did I do? What's your problem with me?" He insisted.

"I don't have a problem with you." I groaned. I don't want to deal with this today. "Yes, you do but fine, don't tell me. I'll just call your mother to come get you."

I stayed silent. I wanted to tell him fine, whatever will get me away from you, but that would keep him talking.

He finally left my room, so I got up and closed the door. I sighed, turning back to my bed and walking over. I took a sip of my water and sat down again.

I took my phone and went to spotify, turning on my favorite playlist. The sound of My Chemical Romance's I don't love you filled the room.

I lay back in my bed, staring up at the ceiling. I started thinking about what happened today. I met three people: a girl that seems nice but I only share one class with, a guy who's sweet but I don't have any classes with, and a guy that wants nothing to do with me that I have three classes with.

And of course, Xander. We hung out all but three times this past summer. Three times. In less than three months. And he barely talked with me today.

I have a feeling this years gonna be shit, like always. The only difference between last year and this year is my dad's diminishing memory.

I moved my hands up to my face. I didn't realize the tears that were slowly making their way down my cheeks.

I pulled the multiple blankets on my bed over me, turning on my side and closing my eyes. I can't stand being awake any more today.

[atranswomansdiary]

Day 61

August 5, 2020

I have a couple of confessions to make. Confession time!

First: I think I may be in love. Possibly. Maybe. Probably. If I am, I’ve been for the better part of the last year or so.

My dearly beloved is called J.N. I met them the way I’ve met most of my partners—through my nerd hobbies—and, the first time I saw her, my heart ached with the pain of finding someone so beautiful that they seemed to light the room. As I got to know her better I realize that we shared many tastes, likes, interests, and even perspectives on life, the future, society, etc. She's young, though, almost a decade younger than I am, so I’d be hesitant even if there wasn’t a huge obstacle in the way of my romantic fantasies.

J.N. is in a relationship.

I met her partner the same time I met her and, truth be told, I didn’t like him one bit. It may have been jealousy, I admit, but my gut instinct told me that he wasn't a nice person. And, in fact, I quickly realized that either we didn’t like each other or we just didn’t “vibe”, as the kids say these days.

Considering what happened in my second to last relationship—with P.R.—where I interfered in her relationship with a partner because I felt like she was “the woman of my dreams”, I’m not only hesitant but outright refuse to do the same thing ever again. Not only was our relationship miserable and painful for long parts of it, I’ve always known that interfering in relationships is just plain wrong and, the one time I broke my rule, it ended up in a lot of tears and suffering and self-loathing. I won’t do it again. Not for J.N. and not for anybody else.

Besides, I really like the relationship I have with J.N. right now. We’re good friends, we confide, and we support each other. What more could I ask? If she ever ends her relationship, maybe then I could consider confessing my feelings for them... But not before they’re in a position to start a new relationship.

So, giving this context, I think my following confession—the second and last for the day, I think—will make a little bit more sense.

I told J.N. that I’m "considering transitioning".

I can’t remember exactly how it all came about, but we were discussing how we were dealing with the solitude and isolation of the pandemic, and what new sources of pleasure or happiness have we discovered since the lockdown began, and I just blurted it out without thinking.

I had a few moments of panic—we were sending each other voice messages—as they were recording their reply but, once it came through, it was better than anything I could have hoped for! She was so understanding and supportive and warm and affectionate! I was over the moon and started telling her all about it, everything that has happened to me since the recurring dream with L.M. and the daydream and the things I’ve thinking about and the joy of the genderbent photo of Day 24 and well… Everything. I poured my heart and soul, my dreams and hopes and fears, the bundled mess that I am, into those messages.

And J.N. was so kind and caring and nice to me. She not only accepted me; I felt like she embraced me. Even celebrated me. She made me feel like the idea of transitioning is not so impossible after all. I’m not saying that it is possible now but, with people like this at my side, supporting me and, dare I say, loving me? Everything looks possible.

Even transitioning my 34-year-old ass.

The interesting part, of course, is that I told her first, before any of my other friends. J.N. is my newest friend; as I mentioned before, we met only a year or so ago. Still, I’ve felt such a connection and closeness with her that I cannot but suspect that she’ll be someone very important to me, not only now but in the future. Especially so if I decide to transition.

Even imagining that turning into a reality sends a shiver down my spine and makes me sweat. Before I would’ve said that it was pure fear and terror, but I think I detect more and more the presence of hope and faith in a future I cannot even envision.

May it'll one day be true and not the stuff of dreams.

Until then, with love,

ZZ

[morethanwonderful]

Rereading and really thinking about page 82/the title page after not looking at early Homestuck for a long time makes me feel unhinged. I know the page has been analyzed to death but god there really is just so much in there thematically to unpack.

From more or less the first moment that both concepts come up in Homestuck, wind and loneliness are tied together. It's partly a joke about John being melodramatic about the desolation of his empty mailbox, but it's also the core of his entire character.

John is the Heir of Breath. He's all about freedom and individuality on a symbolic level and wind on a literal level. And as we see time and again, the inherent price of his power is that achieving freedom also cuts him off from others. He's the opposite of blood and bonds. He becomes unmoored from reality and can retcon his own story, teleporting to where and whenever he pleases across the multiverse, but it comes at the cost of relocating to a new timeline where his friends have all shared a reality different than his. And that's just one example.

For John, the aspect of freedom and wind comes at the cost of isolation. Wind is the space that keeps neighbors apart.

Hell, you could even say something about the fact that it's specifically the wind in the gaps between suburban homes that brings up the imagery of desolation. On one hand, talking about loneliness alongside suburbia is an old trope, and for good reason. American suburban architecture and city planning is designed to put people in nuclear family bubbles and isolate them from their communities (and god forbid, anyone outside their immediate community). So the isolating wind in the gaps between picket fence houses is a classic image.

But also, it's really fitting for the specific sense of loneliness that John experiences.

Lots of Homestuck characters have loneliness as a major recurring theme. Even among just the beta kids, Jade's isolation is even more iconic than John's. She spends most of her life alone on an island with just her dog, and in the retcon, she spends three years alone on the ship between realities. She's constantly isolated by great gaps of physical space (heh) between her and the people she cares about.

John's isolation is different. He's never so cut off as Jade from the people he loves, but there's always some gap between them. He has a loving father that he often feels adversarial toward as a kid, and their conflict circa John's thirteenth birthday is in large part because of the harlequin misunderstanding. Dad Egbert is right there in the same house loving John, but there's a fundamental disconnect, and he fails to understand something major about his son.

Plus, we never see any mention of John having friends in his offline life. From his attitude toward himself (constant self-mockery) and the lack of any reference to him having friends that die in the apocalypse, he probably lives a pretty lonely life at school. He's a goofy nerdy insecure kid that can't connect with his peers and has to turn to faraway friends on the internet. Classic suburban isolation.

And it's the same in post-canon! John doesn't have to be cut off from his friends! He can fly and teleport and call/text them any time he wants. There's nothing subjecting him to physical isolation. All the loneliness of his depression is social and psychological. He's living on an empty suburban street—lonely while surrounded by people.

Genuinely, I don't know if there's a better image for him and his arc than the wind that blows through the gaps between cookie-cutter houses. The breeze keeping neighbors apart.

[rosalind-hawkins]

Euroshipping Musings

Footnotes are below the cut because my parentheses were starting to look ridiculous.

I have this headcanon/recurring trope in my fics(1) of Ryou being Mokuba's not-babysitter. I've figured out where this came from. When Mokuba gets his soul back in Pegasus' castle, Ryou is the one holding him when he wakes up, and I guess I always imagined our Baby Kaiba imprints on Ryou like a duckling. Kaiba doesn't want his brother spending so much time alone only with KC employees or household staff, but Mokuba's a little old for a babysitter(2). Kids his own age aren't too much of an option for one reason or other(3) and most of the dweeb patrol are insufferable to Kaiba, but Ryou is one that's never once tried to lecture him or expressly criticized him, so Kaiba picks him as a companion/caretaker for Mokuba. Ryou thinks of it as being a nanny, but would never use that word around either Kaiba.

Ryou starts spending a lot of time at the Kaiba Mansion, and since he reports directly to Kaiba, he gets a peek at his more personal side, and all of his bad habits: insomnia, caffeine addiction, workaholism. He starts out by doing little things for him, like sneakily switching out his coffee for decaf in the evenings. The more comfortable he gets with Kaiba (who acts unexpectedly chill when he's not in a combative situation and feeling threatened), and this comfort results in him actually scolding Kaiba for his bad habits, trying to correct them and save him from himself. In his mind, he's taking care of both Kaibas now.

Seto starts to really take notice of Ryou a little while after this starts, and he tries asking him why Ryou is doing these thigs for him. It's not part of his job. He gets to the heart of the issue and asks why Ryou is acting like he cares, and Ryou says it's because he does care. Seto just asks why(4) and Ryou struggles to explain. Confessions for these two are never easy or smooth, it takes a little awkwardness and discomfort to be completely honest about feelings and say what they're really trying to say. Kaiba doesn't necessarily reciprocate right away, not externally, but they do get together because Ryou is a calming, caring presence in a home that didn't see a lot of that for a long time, and because Seto realizes how nice it can be to let yourself be cared for, and that he'd miss Ryou if he ever left.

It's not a fiery passionate love (though they do grow into the passionate stuff) but it starts out as something very domestic, very simple. It's two hurt people recognizing each other and approaching with caution and care, and finding a way to fit into each other's lives. Learning how to lean on each other, just a little bit at a time, until one day they wake up and realize they can't imagine a life without the other person there. It's Seto realizing how cold his life would be without giving Ryou's bedhead a goodbye kiss in the morning and the scent of his tea in his office and a lint-roller full of long white hairs dusted off his suits sitting on the bathroom counter. It's Ryou realizing that he's found a new family for himself and how dear it is to him, and how he hopes this never ends because he found a place where he feels safe and loved and doesn't know if he could do this all over again.

My very first Euroshipping story(5) was based around this whole idea of Ryou babysitting Mokuba, and it just snuck its way into my other stories too.

I even put this trope in Rock Bottom where Ryou is Mokuba's babysitter, though the circumstances there are wildly different

or not, I play with the age difference for the Kaibros sometimes

either Mokuba is homeschooled, or he's just as suspicious of friendship as his older brother is, or he just gets into fights at school anytime people talk shit about his big bro (that's another trope of mine), so true friends are a little hard to come by

I swear I have three different scenes for two different fics (one is a deleted scene) of someone confessing their feelings to Kaiba and him asking them why because this boy can't understand why someone would like him on a personal level. It comes with the territory of being generally bad at emotions; it also comes with the territory of every version of Kaiba I write being traumatized to some degree, but that's gonna get its own post.

That fic is only posted on FFN, where all my oldest stuff is. I didn't think it was good enough to cross-post to AO3.

[popcornforone]

More Than Friends

A Dieter Bravo fan fic

Happy birthday to me. Yes today (Halloween) is my birthday & I wanted to write a fic for me about something super romantic that could happen on your birthday. I had a similar dream to this a while ago so I thought Dieter would be the best person to write this for.

Synopsis: You are in America with your sister celebrating your birthday, your best friend & flat mate Dieter is in England working. But he wants to give you the best birthday present ever, no matter how crazy it is.

Word count:3600

Warnings: this is mainly fluff & romantic, but probably best for DONOT READ IF YOU ARE UNDER 18! Secretly fancying your best friends. Swearing, drinking, a little bit of being over dramatic, thinking of what could be ideas of fantasies, death. It is mainly fluffy tho so

Thanks as always for the read peoples. I hope you enjoy this. All feed back is welcome.

OOOH & HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

“Jen” you shout as you run to your sister at the airport. You may now both live in the same country once again, but finding the time to see her is hard. You’re now finally getting praise for your acting & have 2 weeks off before you’re needed for the next part you will be appearing in on this fabulous HBO reboot. Your sister isn’t exactly quiet. Her 5 month old Dylan keeps her busy, she’s not looking forward to going back to work soon from her maternity leave. Her husband Lance is already taking advantage of her being home more than she usually is. So this next week with your sister is going to be brilliant. Just going back to being you, quirky & weird & normal, not the famous actor the world thinks they know.

The hug the two of you have is special. It’s not been long since you saw her, your grandads funeral 2months ago was the last time you saw her back in England. But it was at this event when you realised you wanted to be more than friends with your most famous best friend. He might have a drinking problem, take a few too many drugs, & be a party boy, but when Dieter Bravo turned up at your Grandads funeral it melted your heart. He’d met him 3 times in the 5 years you’ve known Dieter & your grandad always thought he was a very “eccentric character”. But it was as you saw him just standing around the back, not mingling before the hearse arrived that you cried. His hug & the stroke of the back of your hair, soothed you instantly.

“It okay, I’m here, I couldn’t have you go through this alone” Dieter had whispered as you held onto him.

“Shouldn’t you be…”

“Yes but when it’s a family emergency they said I could go & you are like a sister to me…” straight away put in the friend zone again by your crush. You’re used to it though, it no longer affects you. “& you live with me so…” you had smiled at that comment. When you worked on that Tv show that changed your life, Dieter had a role as a recurring guest character, you’d met him before on another job & he helped you calm your nerves. So when there was damage to your hotel in a fire, he was insistent you moved in with him. He had a girlfriend & a boyfriend at the time & you were in a relationship too, so it just worked. No one suspected a thing & knew you were just colleagues & friends. You then just never moved out. You left him money to pay bill & whenever he worked in the uk he always used your place if he was near. You’d always fancied Dieter, who wouldn’t fall for those eyes & that charisma, there was a reason why when he asked anyone do you want to have sex with me they answered yes. He’s just never asked you & one of you has always been in a relationship until the day after the funeral, when your boyfriend at the time saw how you & Dieter we’re with each other & told you to go & find happiness the next day. unfortunately you didn’t act on your feelings with Dieter, knowing he’s in London & your in New York at the moment, it needed to be the right time to act on this & not just jump straight back in.

As you arrive at your sister place & put your things in her guest room your phone rings, so you answer it.

“Ello”

“Babes” your face lights up straight away. Dieter always mocks your English accent & how you call people babes. Your sister sees your eyes ignite in desire so you pull the door to in your guest room & sit on the bed.

��Diets… you ok?”

“No it’s bloody raining again”

“Thats the London autumn for you”

“I know I know, but you never said it was this unpredictable the weather here”

“I’m English it’s normal” he laughs down the phone at that.

“So what making you call at 7pm, did your date not arrive for dinner?” You mock. If Dieter doesn’t have at least one casual date a week, he gets grumpy.

“Ha no, night shoot tonight… we’re actually nearly done in scheduale for once here”

“Well that’s a first”

“So what are your birthday plans? where’s the party at?” He asks enthusiastically. Your stumped. You have no party planned. You know you’re going to be in England for Christmas this year, & all your friends came over at the end of September to see you in New York so your plan is actually quite mundane. Your birthday is also Halloween.

“I’m in Seattle”

“Seattle?”

“Is there an echo?” You both giggle. “I’m seeing Jen, Lance & little Dylan this week, family bonding, you know, I have no idea what they have planned for my birthday.” It’s true you don’t know what your sisters going to do. Your birthday is a Tuesday this year & it’s currently the Friday before.

“Awww how old is Dylan now”

“Not old enough for you to take out drinking”

“Damn it, I wanted to use him as a girl magnet, the ladies love the caring dad side”

“I think they just would like a night with a movie star Diets” you smile down the phone which he can sense down his end.

“Well I’d best rearrange your gift to your sister address then”

“You didn’t have to get me anything”

“I know but after your year which to say has been crazy is an understatement, you need a treat”

“Well thank you in advanced” you pause & so does Dieter you both sigh down the phone. A million words that you want to tell him about how you feel & that you’d just like to live a normal life with Dieter somewhere away from the rest of the world. No fame, no money, no press, just you & Dieter.

“Hey…” he says

“Yes…”

“I…” & then you hear someone shout in the background & him reply.”sorry I’m Needed back on set, I’ll give you a call on your birthday okay”

“Don’t go being a twat Diets” you say quoting hot fuzz a film you both love to laugh to.

“I wouldn’t give you the satisfaction babes” & he hangs up. You secretly wish Dieter would more than satisfy you.

As Dieter hangs up the phone he automatically texts your sister to plan a birthday you won’t forget in a long time, to make sure she is okay & that this can go with her plans she may already have in place.

You smile to yourself as you get things out of your bag. Just hearing his voice makes you feel so much better, not that you were feeling down at all. As you leave the guest bedroom a few minutes later your sister is standing there judging you. Before you speak she cuts you off.

“I heard enough, I know that tone,” she looks down at her phone & see a message from Dieter.

“I just live with the guy, we’re friends, we…” but you see your sisters face & you do a little smirk. “I don’t just want to be another broken-hearted girl without him, so I will settle for what I have.”

“Are you happy with that?” She asks. You pause unsure if you are, but you are saved by Dylan crying. “I’ll get an answer from you one day sis”

*

Dieter after texting your sister goes to set. Ever the professions for his work, making sure everyone’s okay, down to the riggers & runners. He has the playboy life style in the press but working Dieter is a consummate professional. He does his last shoot for today & heads back to his trailer to get changed. He shuts the door & puts his phone on the dressing table. The mirror he sighs & stares into has photos of him on the shoot & in make up for reference’s & a few family photos too. But noone knows there’s a hidden one beneath 3 of them. His day has been long but he can stay here another 3 minutes to look at the happiest picture he has of the two of you. The one taken After the premier of the Tv show that made you a global star, the after party which everyone in the world was at. You had a boyfriend at the time, but that didn’t stop the two of you from dancing together that night as friends. The theme tune to the show was a custom song written by Ed Sheeran which was slow. Dieter remember how you trembled as he wrapped his arms around you & you both sang the lyrics outloud as Ed performed for actors, crew, press & vips of the event. This was a photo the in show photographer got. Neither of you are looking at the camera as he holds you. Your eyes are shut as you sing out loud one band in the air waving the other holding onto Dieters & his eyes are dazzling. It’s at this exact moment when Dieter realised he wanted you to be in his life more than a friend but this was 18 months ago & since then you’ve both had plenty of work, drama & heart breaks to stop either of you acting on any of this.

Dieter sighs at the photo & then runs his hands through his thick luscious hair.

“I must be fucking crazy”

He leans & takes his phone & calls his agent.

“Mel, got a second?” She mumbles something back “no it’s not that kind of emergency, I need you to sort something out for me quickly, whatever it costs & whoever this upsets, please explain this needs to be done”…

*

Tuesday arrives. You face time your parents while you & your sister have breakfast. You’ve decided to go on a lake walk & then lunch for your birthday with Jen, a nice chilled fun day. No worrys, no distractions. Just some nice Seattle air, if you can call it that in any major city just being you. Lance has promised to pick you all up some Chinese food for tonight. You’ve put Prosecco in the fridge already. It’s low-key but it’s what you want for your birthday celebration. No more costume parties taking over your special day.

Jens opened the Prosecco & you’re both sitting at the breakfast bar waiting for Lance to return with so much crispy chilli beef & lemon chicken that you will all go into a food coma.

“Dylan, what’s this?” You say in your child friendly voice. He laughs back as you play with Mr Ducky his favourite teddy bear & do the quack noises. His face is amazed & he keeps trying to clap his hand as he sits on the counter.

“No no” Jen screeches as you quickly move the fizz away.

“You mummy Dylan doesn’t want you to end up like your aunty, & it’s a shame your American, no drinking until your 21”

“Ha” Jen laughs “if he is anything like you & me he’ll have hangovers at 14”

“Ahh those were the days” you both joke. Your parents were always very liberal with letting you drink. They much rather you did it in front of them then sneak out & did it.

“Oooh Dylan” you then get a sniff of him. Jen smells it too.

“Did you do a number two” Dylan cackles & the two of you laugh when the front door goes. “Go let Lance in” Jen asks as she grabs the nappy bag.

“Oooh so demanding” you say sarcastically back. You put your glass of Prosecco down & head for the door. There’s a sign on it that says help yourself to the sweets in the box for trick or treaters. You open the door & then freeze on the spot.

Dieter is here.

Dieter is in Seattle, not London.

Dieter is at your sisters front door, in the drizzle, as the autumnal leaves fall, on your birthday.

Dieter is here.

“D…D…Di…Dieter?” Your pitch is all over the place, you’re sure your heart has stopped beating. Your eyes meet. Those dark seductive caramels stare at your trembling lips. He’s put a comb through his hair. It’s still a mess as he’s clearly taken his hoodie down as he rang the bell, his hand ruffling through it, that’s his little adorable tick that you cherish each time he does it when he’s nervous.

“Hi”

“Hi”

“Hi”

“Hi”

Neither of you can say anything else. You then decide to step outside & leave the door on the latch & stand with him on the porch.

“What are you doing here?” You eventually after a few minutes of silence trying to work out what you’re both going to say to each other. Everything he had prepped on the flight over & practiced in the hotel room before he left to get here, have all gone out of the window. He’s nervous, this all seemed so much easier in his head over the last few days, but he’s now reduced to just being a man. But it’s the only man you will ever need.

“To wish you a happy birthday I guess… erm so happy birthday…” he’s rubbing his beard as he says it & shifts awkwardly.

“Okay you said that now… thanks… bye” you joke & then so see his face drop. “You’ve still not quite understood after all these years, my sarcasm haven’t you Diets?”

“No, almost, you & your family also have your own unique language” he smiles. The smile is warm & friendly.

“I can’t believe you are actually here to wish me a happy birthday” You beam back at him & push your own messy hair away from your face.

“Couldnt not see you babes” he being genuine in his response, even his mockery of your accent seems adorable.

“I just can’t believe you flew thousands of miles to come & wish me a happy birthday, unless your here for a…”

“No just you, no other work” he interrupts. His puppy dog eyes more loyal & huge than ever. “You deserve the world & I wanted to see how happy you were on your special day”

You fling your arms around Dieters neck & hug him. It catches him by surprise to start with, but the way he holds you a few second later & the sigh that escapes his mouth just confirms he did the right thing. His hand goes across you shoulders & you start to feel weak at his touch. A hug that can solve all the worlds problems.

“You must really like me to fly half way around the world babes…” you whisper into his ear.

“Well actually…” Dieter breaks the hug & drops to one knee. “I think I more than like you” he holds your left hand. “Marry Me?”

You’re in shock, you knew you wanted more than just friendship with Dieter but he’s not even kissed you yet.

“Dieter!? I don’t know what to say”

“Yes?” He winks as his hand strokes yours.

“No”

“No?”

“No… well” you don’t want to turn him down but you want to show him how crazy this is. “Dieter we might be close friends who live with each other but you’ve not even kissed me yet, let alone asked me out or…” you’re interrupted. Dieter is on his feet again, his hand trailing around your face. Intense eye contact & then the most loved filled kiss of either of your lives. His lips feel smooth, the way his moustache tickles makes you smile which make him deepen the kiss. His hands move through your hair & waistline, both yours are on his shoulders. It was probably all of 5second the kiss but time stood still & it felt so fabulous & just right.

“Okay”he says breathily as you break this kiss”… now will you…”

“No” you say before going back in for another kiss, allowing his tongue to explore. You know how good his tongue is, you’ve heard men & women leave his bedroom in your New York apartment thanking him for the oral experience of their life.

“Why not, I love you?” Dieter says as he goes in for the next kiss, you take a step back though, this is all too much to process for you.

“Dieter, I like you, a lot, & in a similar way to you, & yes we don’t have to do the whole getting to know each other but, I’d like to go out for dinner, take this part of our relationship slow, so we both understand each others needs & pleasures. Does that make sense, because once I am happy with that, you can ask me again & I’ll say yes” Dieter eyes widen, it’s not an instant yes, but he knew he’d get one, be it in a day, week, month or year, he’d give you all the time in the world.

“So that’s a one day then, it’s not a no?”

“Yes”

You both stand there & giggle & hug each other before you kiss his lips quickly & shortly. A simple peck but you now know these lips will soon be all over each inch of your body.

“I’d like to take you out to dinner tomorrow, if that’s okay, if we are going to do this your way, I’d then at least like one date”

“Dieter you should no I don’t put out on a first…”

“Bollocks you don’t put out on a first date, I’ve heard you get with guys on nights out or…”

“You gonna let me finish” you say a bit forcefully which makes him twitch in his trousers. It’s always aroused him when a woman knows what she wants & is firm about it. “If you’d let me carry on, I’d have said but with you Diets, your more than an exception to my rule, I mean it’s taken us years to get to this point” your blushing as you say this. “If dinner goes well tomorrow, I might just have to come back to your hotel room” Dieter is now also turning red. Often especially for the last year, has he thought about how he would pleasure you, if your cunt is to die for. He wants to experience everything with you & wants to make you feel special & sexy.

“Well if that’s the case, I’ll upgrade my room”He laughs.

“Why baby, all we need is a bed” he raises an eyebrow at you.

“No baby, if you consent tomorrow, you get the full Dieter experience, I want to treat you like the princess you are, such a good girl for waiting for me to get my act together. To have the courage to tell you how I feel” his hands tremble as they hold yours. He really is in love with you. “Anyone else whod have spoken to me like you have in the last 10 minutes or for the last few years if I’m honest I’d not care, but you baby, I never want to lose you. I want us to be forever. I want to organise our work & lives so we’re in the same continent at the same time & I really just want you to be happy, that’s all I’ve ever wanted. Just to see you smile once a day.”

“That’s all I ever aspire to Diets…” you take a deep breath. “I want you to be happy no matter what you do, & if that means I’m just a friend, a room mate, a lover or more, I’ve always been happy to wait because just 5minutes with you feels like a life time of memories” both yours & Dieters eyes fill as you speak. He knows you love him. & so do you. But you just want to wait. Those 3 little words will fall from your lips soon. But your lips are once again preoccupied with Dieters, making out as the moon rises behind the autumnal leaves.

You phone buzzes & causes the two of you to break from the kiss. It’s your sister.

*when you two are done renewing your wedding vows before you even agree to them, the Chinese is getting cold.

“Lying bitch”you say & Dieter smiles.

“Who”

“Jen, she said…”you look at Dieter”you already knew the Chinese was here didn’t you?” You playfully hit Dieter & he scoops you up & carries you inside as you scream in hysterics. “Diets put me down”

“Never” you kick & laugh & Jen & Lance roll their eyes as he brings you back in. He puts you down. “I’m never letting go of you again babes” He kisses you & then apologised to Jen & Lance.

“Well it took you long enough to ask her Dieter” Lance says.

“We can’t all meet the love of our lives at the first day of college can we, sometimes it just takes a little time to realise what you want in life” Dieter says as you realise that enough food was ordered for all four of us.

“I know what I want Diets…” you mumble into another sweet kiss, his lips now feel like they have been yours for years. “I want you” a small sigh happens & then you both say in unison. “& some chilly beef” you both laugh & sit down to eat with your family, with Dieter now a firm addition to to your life as more than just a friend.

[jakesuit0]

Too Young Review

“Too Young” finally follows up on the newly deaged Princess Bubblegum, something fans were dying to see after no glimpses of her in the past four episodes. This would have been a more thematically appropriate season premiere, but I do like the building anticipation for the followup. The question of how this new dynamic would alter the status quo of the series going forward hung over our heads. Turns out: not at all. At least not in an obvious way.

Even putting aside the romance aspect, it’s just great to see Finn finally hanging out with someone his own age, something we never get enough of. He’s always hanging out with his older brother, and his other best friends are hundreds of years older than him. As Finn says at the beginning, he can just be himself. I like Finn stepping out to get moral support from Jake. His encouragement of Finn’s pursuit of Bubblegum is finally appropriate! Finn is a little nervous, this is probably his first ever date. But, he is overall pretty comfortable, as there’s still a strong familiarity between Finn and PB. There’s also no pussyfooting around between the two, they are very upfront with their feelings. PB already knows how Finn feels, and she basically tells Finn that he’s hot after he drinks her serum. He admits to not bathing, so it’s a good thing that BMO gets Finn on a bathing schedule by “Holly Jolly Secrets Part 1.” It’s interesting that Finn first asks if she’s trying to make herself 18 again. Part of him thinks this is all too good to be true.  

Not really sure how much I need to introduce him, but Lemongrab! He’s probably the tenth most prominent character in the series, and one of the most well known characters, period. He wasn’t given much of a personality in the outline. Tom Herpich and especially Jesse Monyihan, the storyboarders for this episode, really created Lemongrab. They succeeded in making such a distinct character, and with Justin Roiland bringing him to life with some of the best voice acting of the series so far, he was basically guaranteed to become a recurring character. (I know there’s a massive elephant in the room that I’m avoiding, but it’s just not pertinent to this review. It will be addressed when I get to “Prismo the Wishmaster” and morals will be condemned!) Lemongrab’s very screamy, but he does it in such an alien way that he’s not annoying. He’s introduced with his iconic “unacceptable” catchphrase, which is pretty great and has been memed to death. He was originally going to be PB’s uncle (I assume it would have straight up been Gumbald, albeit in a very different incarnation, since he was mentioned in “Susan Strong”). I’m very glad they didn’t go that direction. They were dangerously close to ruining much of the direction they’ll take PB’s character in. 

Lemongrab is now technically the rightful ruler due to PB’s deaging. I assume Bubblegum created Lemongrab with the intention of wanting an heir, and that stuck in Candy Kingdom law. Similarly to my take on “Hot Diggity Doom”, I don’t think Princess Bubblegum actually cares about the legal technicality, especially since she started creating the kingdom when she was a kid. She just wanted to delay the inevitable. She might also have more respect for the rules as a less jaded thirteen year old. 

The flashback establishes that she created Lemongrab. It’s the first hint that PB created all the candy people, but it could still just be assumed that Lemongrab was an exception. The implications of PB creating life aren’t explored here, but this establishes a trait for her that will be explored a ton. We don’t know exactly when she created him, but it’s implied that it happened a long time ago, possibly hundreds of years ago. My theory is it happened before the flashbacks seen in “The Vault”. PB was used to making candy people dumb on purpose, probably straight up using dum dum juice. It’d make sense to not want her heir to be incompetent, so she’d need a different formula, especially since she isn’t using parts of the mother gum like she did with Gumbald, Lolly, and Chicle. This caused the experiment to “go wrong”. The reason I think it’s before “The Vault”, is because we see a young Peppermint Butler in it, who I don’t think was created with dum dum juice. She must have perfected the formula by then. Pep wasn’t intended to be an heir, as she’s still trying in “Goliad”, but she’ll eventually realize he fits the bill. Calling Lemongrab her “first” experiment to go wrong, is a straight up continuity error due to the Uncle Gumbald backstory. It’s also hard to believe that she didn’t have any other experiments go wrong. I think my theory could recontextualize the line to mean it’s the first one of her experiments with her new formula to go wrong, but it’s a little handwavey. As if this flashback didn’t already have enough interesting implications, we see that PB still has her memories. This raises the question of if she still has the same experiences, is her relationship with Finn still problematic? I argue that it isn’t. She behaves like a child in her new state. Her brain, just like the rest of her body, has less candy biomass, and is the brain of a child. She’s seeing her memories through the lens of a kid. 

Finn and Bonnie try to solve their problems like kids would for once, with pranks. Their relationship is so pure and adorable. Bonnie cuddling up to Finn on the castle roof is one of the most wholesome moments ever in Adventure Time and Finn looks so incredibly happy. It really captures the innocence of a young child’s first romance, and it stands apart from the awkwardness that defines his relationship with Flame Princess and the maturity that comes with his dynamic with Huntress Wizard. At the same time, Lemongrab gets more defined as he tries to laugh and have fun with the pranks after Peppermint Butler’s explanation. He wants to fit in with others, but he just doesn’t see the world in a neurotypical way, so it comes off as forced and awkward, like his bobbing head laughter.

Peppermint Butler tells Lemongrab that food comes from Mars. It’s a weird lore detail that isn’t ever explained, but is referenced again. It’d make sense for a world of talking animals and talking food to get food from an outside source, but there’s plenty of examples of them eating food from Ooo. I’ll assume that industrialized food comes from Mars, and this is considered more civilized. Lemongrab eating the spiced food is a great sequence, and causes him too much pain for him to just laugh off.

Princess Bubblegum finally decides it's time to stop delaying what she knows is inevitable: becoming 18 again. Finn’s upset, but has the ability to recognize the greater good enough to swallow those feelings. This whole experience was more of a well needed break for PB, than a true commitment to a new permanent identity, just like a later arc she’ll have. But unlike later, she doesn’t change the way she conducts her life through learning from this ordeal. Many fans don’t think this episode works with PB’s portrayal in the rest of the series, but I disagree. She sacrifices her happiness for her people, which will be explored as a character flaw later down the line that ends up backfiring for her kingdom anyway. She views having fun as something mainly for children, and work as something that must consume adults. There is no middle ground for her. The pain this causes PB just makes her double down on work as a distraction. Some of that analysis is based on future episodes, but a lot of it can be taken away from just “Too Young”. It’s great to finally get an episode that focuses on fleshing out Princess Bubblegum’s deeper feelings and motivations. It’s really the only episode in the first three seasons with that accomplishment. 

Princess Bubblegum says she needs her lab equipment to engineer more candy flesh, an even bigger hint that she created the candy people. I love the scene of her citizens giving PB parts of themselves. They recognize how selfless Bubblegum is, and sacrifice pieces of themselves like she does for them. Finn uses the power of love to catalyze the re-aging process. He gets to return Princess Bubblegum’s favor in “Mortal Folly” with the like-like sweater! It’s cheesy but it’s such a perfect resolution. Princess Bubblegum’s goodbye to Finn is heartbreaking, and it’s really tragic, especially after seeing how happy they were together. They hug and Finn has his first kiss. It’s a really special moment, and it really should be his only kiss with Princess Bubblegum. Fuck you “Wizard Battle” for taking away a little bit of what makes this moment so special and tragic. 

Bubblegum turns back and is pretty cold to Finn, but I love the contrast of her just saying “‘scuse me Finn” and how much taller she is than Finn. She’s also cold to Lemongrab, calling him a butt, which is even more problematic given the fact she’s responsible for him. The next moment is soooo important. Finn comes on to PB, which I can’t even condemn him for this time given the circumstances, and PB immediately shuts him down. She takes the crush slightly more seriously than just innocent puppy love. I love how awkward Finn asking if she wants to hug more is, really highlighting how this relationship does not work with this age difference. She responds by not humoring him finally, saying “that was like 5 years ago” and “you really gotta move on.” People have criticized Bubblegum for being too cold to Finn. I do understand calling those comments, and her joking about the situation, insensitive. It comes across to Finn like the relationship they had means nothing to her now. I really don’t think it meant nothing to her, as we’ll see by her subtle changes in behavior and a line she has in “Burning Low.”  But, I’m sure it was hurtful and confusing for Finn. I still can’t really blame PB for how she responded. She definitely could have been more sensitive about it, while still clearly turning him down. But, it’s an awkward situation. She was still trying to be kind about it, even if the joking manner came off as hurtful, and she’s very clear in her rejection which is good. She still doesn’t know the true extent of Finn’s feelings.

Season two’s cliffhanger being immediately reversed in one episode is a controversial decision. It’s the first example of one of the biggest criticisms leveled against the series, not committing to interesting status quo changes. Turning Bonnie back to 18 is a decision I 100% support. Yes, it’s sad how much of a more entertaining character young PB is compared to the regular state of her character so far. But, essentially replacing the most boring character of the main cast with an entirely different character would feel like such a lame solution to a problem the series has. Working on making her a more engaging character is the correct path. The path they take Bubblegum on is my favorite aspect of the series, so I’m glad this didn’t stick. It’s just unfortunate that it takes another season for that to happen. It makes reversing back to the status quo more questionable. Also, we can’t lose Hynden Walch! To be fair, restoring the status quo after only one episode is the aspect of this that’s more contentious. I wouldn’t have been opposed to seeing young PB in a few more episodes, but I don’t really see what more could have been done. I think “Too Young” fully explores everything interesting that can come out of this plotline: her relationship with Finn and how Princess Bubblegum acts differently at this age. This also isn’t entirely a reset. Not only does this episode color Princess Bubblegum’s character moving forward, it also sets a clear new dynamic for Finn and Bubblegum. She stops humoring his advancements (except for “Wizard Battle”, but again, fuck that episode). It’s the first of many times “everything stays, but it still changes” is applicable. We’ll see how long that ends up being a good excuse moving forward though. 

Finn calls Jake and he gives Finn some pretty bad advice if you take it as him still telling Finn to keep pursuing PB! To be fair, he doesn’t yet know that Bubblegum is an adult again. But Finn tells him that he got dumped. You could also interpret Jake’s advice as being persistent in finding love in general, not necessarily referring to Bubblegum specifically. His speech was intended to be important and to foreshadow the rest of the series, but I’m not sure if this really panned out. He does defeat a demon lord (whether it refers to Hunson, Ke-Oth, The Lich, or evil in general). Finn definitely warps through several worlds (“Puhoy”, “Crossover”, “Beyond the Grotto”, etc). Walking up the wizard steps could foreshadow Huntress Wizard, even though it’s unclear if they ever get in a committed relationship. The magic key and water world don’t really come to pass, unless you wanna say “President Porpoise is Missing!” I’m probably taking it too literally. I think it’s true meaning is to just be persistent in finding love despite all the obstacles. I think that’s what Jake’s means, so I like the speech. The episode ends with Finn looking at Bubblegum up above. It seems like Finn takes it as advice to keep pursuing PB specifically, as we see in upcoming episodes. A lot of fans took it this way, thinking Finn will just have to wait until he becomes 18 to get with PB. With him aging throughout the series, that does seem like a plausible endgame. But there’s obviously problematic implications with that. The series ends up going in a different direction and doesn’t make romance a central part of Finn’s final arc, so this speech really doesn’t end up feeling as important as it was set out to be. 

This is a really iconic episode with a super memorable story and introduction of a major character, and it’s one of my favorites so far. It’s essentially a what if scenario, the one time we see what Finn and PB could be like as a couple. The one time Finn gets to live out his greatest desire. I’m not a Fubblegum shipper, but I’m glad the shippers get this episode. Shipping them outside this episode is weird, but I’m fully on board with their relationship here. I guess I’ll end with some controversy. You can’t tell me Princess Bubblegum didn’t have real feelings for Finn in this one. I totally interpret her as bi just because of this episode. 

Grade: A

[urnumber1star]

Writerly Questionnaire

Thanks for tagging me @agirlandherquill !!

About me 

When did you first start writing? 

It’s hard to say. I’ve come up with stories in my head for as long as I can remember. But the first thing I wrote down was an unfinished book from when I was about six.

Are the genres/themes you enjoy reading different from the ones you write?

Not really. I love reading sci fi just as much as I love writing it. But I love reading fantasy and historical fiction but those two are the most difficult for me to write. 

Is there an author (or just a fellow writer!) you want to emulate, or one to whom you're often compared?

I love Brigid Kemmerer's writing style. It's just so descriptive, and fluid and pretty and I love it! I want to be able to write like that one day. I actually have never been compared to any other writers before. Mostly because I’ve been SO SHY about sharing my writing. But I'm doing a little better at that.

Can you tell me a little about your writing space(s)? (Room, coffee shop, desk, etc.)

I mainly love to write wherever I can. If I get a sudden burst of motivation I’ll grab my computer and sit down wherever I am at the time. But I mainly write at night while I'm in my bed. I find that I'm much more relaxed and motivated at night. 

What's your most effective way to muster up some muse?

If I'm struggling with writer's block or just feeling like creating another WIP I will put my music playlist on blast. Music has always helped me imagine different scenes and characters, and after that I make a new google doc and just start incoherently jabbering about scenes and character ideas I have until they all fit together! Then I make it a little more coherent of course lol

Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and places you write about?

Not really. The places I write about are always so different from the modern day. But I do sometimes accidentally inspire a character's personality off a friend or someone I know. 

Are there any recurring themes in your writing, and if so, do they surprise you at all?

Twins. For the life of me I don't know why. I am an only child with no siblings and in every single story I've ever written since I was six there have been at least one pair of twins. It’s like my trademark lol. Along with lots of action. I love intense, gut-wrenching action scenes. 

My Characters

Would you please tell me about your current favorite character? (Current WIP, Past WIP, Never Used, etc)

I think my current favorite character is ironically Talia from my current WIP. She just reminds me of a really close family member of mine and I also just love writing about her. She’s very spunky and pretty funny. Added bonus because she's a twin (the blasted twin thing again) and she’s an artist! And a boss lady. :] 

Which of your characters do you think you'd be friends with in real life?

Micheal and Talia. Talia’s an artist like me and Micheal is just a nice and cool guy that I’d like to be friends with :)

Which of your characters would you dislike the most if you met them?

No One. You will get no context as to why. But I think you already know why.

Tell me about the process of coming up with one, all, or any of your characters,

Fun Fact! BRS is technically a rewrite of an old WIP from like two years ago. It’s very different now but still. I ended up just simplifying everything and having only one character to completely focus on first then figure out their personality and the people around them. Then I expand upon the people around them. And I keep doing that until I flush everything out. 

Do you notice any recurring themes/traits among your characters?

Constant sarcasm and a massive sense of humor. Just like me TwT 

How do you picture them? (As real people you imagined, as models/actors who exist in real life, as imaginary artwork, as artwork you made or commissioned, anime style, etc)

I imagine them in my artstyle. I imagine them animated in a very distinct way. It makes imagining their scenes very fun and vibrant!

My Writing

What's your reason for writing?

Because I wanted to find a way to tell all the stories in my head as a little girl.

Is there a specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating coming from your readers? 

ANYTHING. Honestly anything is just so rewarding for me. But my favorite comments to get are questions asking about details, or someone comparing my character to one they saw on TV. It makes me very happy :)

How do you want to be thought of by those who read your work? (For example: as a literary genius, or as a writer who "gets" the human condition; as a talented world builder, as a role model, etc)

I’m not sure. Just someone who can make an interesting story people like! 

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

World building. I could talk for hours about the politics, currency, social aspects, technology etc in my stories. I’ve always enjoyed fleshing out my settings. It just makes the story feel so much more alive!

What have you been frequently told your greatest writing strength is by others?

Dialogue actually. My cousin read a WIP of mine a while ago and she claims that it’s good so…. I do trust her judgment though as she is an amazing author.

How do you feel about your own writing? (Answer in whatever way you interpret this question)

I honestly hate most of what I write. But I love the process of imagining it and perfecting it later after I’ve improved.

If you were the last person on earth and knew your writing would never be read by another human, would you still write?

Yep! Because I don't know what I’d do if I had all these ideas in my head and couldn't let them go! Plus it's just so therapeutic. 

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely what you enjoy? if it's a mix of the two, which holds most influence?

I write what I want to. Which is mostly what I’d like to read. But I write for me.

Boy this was a long one, but it was very fun!

Tagging @leahnardo-da-veggie @the-ellia-west @illarian-rambling @kaylinalexanderbooks @mysticstarlightduck @melpomene-grey +anyone who wants to <3

[lotuslovers]

‘Running from love’ // t.r  part 2

Pairing: female!potter(james’ sister) x Tom Riddle

wc: 3.6 k

Summary: In the past, the reader hadn't hope to fall in love with him, their goal was to prevent the rise of the Dark Lord but nothing seemed to go as planned when they are sent back into the future. In the months following the return, Tom Riddle continues to haunt their nightmares and their new reality as he closes in on them. How can an old love cause so much harm?

Trigger warnings: nightmares, trauma, brief mention of death, mentions of blood but not highly graphic

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | tbc

As the last two weeks of the month drew nearer, my ‘friends’(rather moral obligations) continued to look for more information on why and what was keeping me up into the early hours of the day. In the mornings they examined the lines under my eyes away from the charms I casted each day, in class they would bug me for clues about this ‘mystery boy’ who was haunting my dreams, and if any guy had even stopped to talk to me in class for help they interrogated him. Albeit only slightly more than normal. Sometimes I wondered why I had kept this one secret from them when it made me feel awfully guilty for hiding it when they were only worried. To me it was some dirty secret I had, but how could I face the true nature of what Tom was now. He was someone who I knew killed innocent people, a wizard who used dark magic to kill the helpless. Someone who haunted my nights, becoming a far more frequent visitor as the longer I stayed in the present. A thought would occasionally surface, if I had been cursed by him to be haunted by these sleepless nights. But how was he to know any more about my situation, that he could affect me all these years later? I hadn't even left on bad terms and he hadn't a clue who I was now. 

This week Lily, who dragged an annoyed Dorcas, spent far more time spent with the marauders. All of them had tried to act normal, minus the questionings, but I was slowly going mental over the pressure of having myself watched over my preening seventh years. Just Thursday I caught them attempting to put veritaserum in my juice at lunch, something which I knew was highly illegal. I wasn’t sure how they had managed to nick some off of Professor Slughorn's stalk but they almost caught a hex their way before Alice managed to drag me out of the great hall. Sometimes I wondered if people would just let me get violent with them because sometimes James needed to be hit by a bludger in a sense. A sense of privacy is all I wished for and even yet, after that ordeal both Lily and Alice made sure I wasn’t left alone in a room with them. Following this all, they spent the recent days either trying to not get on my bad side or avoiding me, this gave me a lot of time to think. I did pity Remus and Peter though, I knew they had only pitched in since the other two claimed it was the honorable thing to do as my brothers. That I overheard when I ducked into an alcove to avoid them between classes. The only boundary that they had not yet breached was owling Mom, thankfully. 

I eventually got back on the dreamless sleep potion, even if Dumbledore had advised against it since I could only have a few more dosages before it would affect my health. Yet I long passed the proper amount of doses, in part to my own stock. It had been roughly three months since it started, and the nightmares only got worse. The headmaster knew I would have some lasting mental effects or strain but little did he know the entire severity. I kept getting the recurring dream that he would come back to kill me, sometimes he tortured me and others he was quick but I always felt the fear and the phantom pain. Some nights it was peaceful, a few minor memories playing but more often than not they would morphe into horrendous scenes. Recently he would turn me into a horcrux, immortalizing my fate, and even though my Tom wouldn’t do that by now he’s already killed dozens maybe a hundred people. On the potion again, I can hopefully get a day of peaceful sleep without him there.

∞

Four days, precisely ninety six hours of freedom.

Within the time, we managed to patch up everything with the boys to be back on speaking terms, even with my little ‘condition’ in a hopeless effort to flirt with Prongs found I was briefly free but free in his mind. I saw the relief in their eyes, nothing had ever unsettled me as much as those dreams. The sleeplessness, the tired looks, and flinching was to a minimal level. Color would replenish my face, the genuine smile Peter shot me eased me as I settled. They let it go for now, thinking I was safe from whatever plagued me but truth be told it was the opposite. The moment I returned to my dorm, I knew something was going to happen in my dreams that night. A gut feeling off pure instinct, so the second I was sure my dorm mate was asleep I rolled out of bed and snuck to the common room. The room was frigid, so I walked to close the nearby window pane as the next fresh breeze swept by. Passing the couch closest to the fireplace, I spotted an abandoned blanket that I wrapped around my shoulders. The familiar scent of a certain musky cologne and detergent engulfed my lungs as the small orange embers crackled in fireplace The scent meant the blanket and the bag left nearby meant it must have been Remus’ but he wasn’t anywhere in sight of the empty room. Meaning the four were up to trouble tonight but it also meant I was free to roam the castle grounds without them tagging along. So impulsively I took a leap of freedom to go where I need to be, to the Slytherin common room.

Making my way, the cold stone corridors hit my bare feet, dodging the prefects I saw by ducking into hidden alcoves and shushing all portraits who looked my way. I made my way up to where the entrance would be only in my pajamas and Moony’s red blanket wrapped around my shoulders. The only problem with my plan to visit was I didn’t know the password, it wasn’t going to be the same as it was 35 years ago so I racked my brain on it. If Rosier was the prefect this year, he was just as dim and pretentious as his grandad. Tracing the stones on the wall, leaning in the whisper “pureblood” a door frame section of the wall disappeared, opening to the common room.

The room was eerily bare but it was comforting, no students were up to bother me. Seating near the windows as the iridescent green tint of the Black Lake lit up the room, a loveseat propped near it that I had not remembered being there during my last visit but I settled on it. Not a soul was in sight, just the black cushioned couches, empty desks, towering bookshelves and a few left out quills. The sound of the water lapping against the glass panes rang through the air accompanied my steady breathing. Clinging to the warmth of my blanket I shut my eyes taking in the calming atmosphere only brought out of the thoughts by a nearby yawn. From the love seat I surveyed the room, I hadn’t seen anyone but quickly I met eyes with one of the portraits, Septian Arguen Malfoy, the heir to the Malfoy name in the 16th century.

If you had to picture him imagine a handsome man, in his late 40’s but looking far more youthful, broad shoulders, incredibly tall, with a high bone structure, short curled dirty blonde hair, snow white pale skin, and dark gray eyes. He was the Malfoy who didn’t carry all the genes, his traits often were far more intense then his other relatives besides his hair. One conversation I overheard of him complaining about being the black sheep of his cousins but that mostly was contributed by the long scar running down from his top lip to half way down his chin. Although bias of markings occurred in the Wizarding world it made him even more incredibly handsome, he always had swooning fifth years around him even if he was a painting I recall. Yet we had become rather uncommon acquaintances, even with his whole heritage he said he could tell I was a pureblood somehow despite my pseudonym he became fond of me.

Happy to see my old friend, I got up to greet him “Septian”. Crossing the common room, picking up a lit candle off a desk I made my way toward the painting. “Miss O’Clare, how long has it been since our last visit? I was afraid you didn’t keep to your word to visit again soon” he spoke in a low baritone tilting his head in my direction, oblivious to how it made me visibly shift on my feet. Shrugging my shoulders back “35 years to be precise.” I spoke to the silent room, he chuckled like only he would find this whole situation ironic. Which rightfully so but I knew it would be the least of the weirdest thing he would see in this school. 

“Of course, Miss O' Clare- or well should I refer to you as a Potter now?” his eyes danced in mischief matching the same one my brother wore. Bewilderment was quite obvious to us both, staring back at each other in silence for a minute.

“How?” was all I let out of my mouth, rubbing my hands together anxiously. “You should recall most pureblood families are related, by blood or marriage. You reminded me of Eliza Potter, she certainly had the same fire in her and I had a gut feeling. I recall she was fond of my brother enough to marry him, only Salazar knows why” I immediately snorted covering my mouth. His humor hadn't changed one bit over the years. “Apologies, I never knew we were distantly related. Why hadn’t you told me all along”. He gave me a smile, one that comforted me more than I let on. Truly he along with the other portraits stayed unnervingly the same, but it hadn't been without some comfort to me. “Well pleased to meet you Miss Potter, as for the year 1943 why were you there?” Obviously that’s what anyone would be wondering, time traveling isn’t common nor safe. Let alone he had been immortalized as a portrait before time travel magic became a reality. 

“That’s kinda complicated, very complicated if you ask me so..” trailing off as Septian began to flail his arms pointing towards the dorm rooms where a small light emitted to alert me. The light of a wand became closer as footsteps echoed, “who’s in the common room?” a voice asked. Shit, that is when I knew I had messed up. I didn't want to be caught and questioned why I was in the common room so late at night when I wasn't in this house. Nodding towards the portrait politely, turning around to the exit as fast as I could. Jogging to meet it, the recognizable voice that sounded nearer to me, “Stop, Gryffindor! What are you doing here?”. I thought how had he knew, the fabric wrapped around my shoulders felt hot as I guessed with my luck that my blanket most likely had the house crest on it. I had seen one that Lupin had in the boy's dorm, it must have been someone's cruel joke as I whispered the password and bolted up the first two flights of stairs. Ducking into a broom closet, I gathered my thoughts to believe it was Severus I had escaped. Awaiting the painfully long minutes to not be found out by any professors or prefects, before the halls were silent and bare once more so I could return to my common room safe. Sneaking into my bed, peeling the covers down so I could submerge myself in the soft silk. Staring up at the ceiling waiting for what was evident and after a what felt like hours the exhaustion finally overtook the displeasure I had felt lying there.

∞

Peeling my eyes open, a green light cascaded through the window panes, finally looking around only to realize I woke in the slytherin dorm rooms. This did not feel like a usual nightmare, I felt myself physically going through the motions of the day. My magic tingling through my bones, the feeling of the warm air hitting my face. Almost as if I binded to the body but I couldn’t move it, I had to go through motions that were already determines. Oddly enough I knew this memory from heart, if I had to place a bet it was a memory possibly strong enough to produce some wisps of a patronus if I could stomach getting over picturing him again first. Working through all the functions of getting ready, every button, every pin in my hair, all done to perfection. The dark ivory color clashed with my skin tone but I suppose no one mentioned it, besides Clodius Warrington who was an spiteful woman whom commented on everyone's appearances. It seemed Orpha and Dora were already out of the dorms, so descending down the stairs I was met with a pair of warm brown eyes.

The common room only had a few first years spilling out as he approached me offering a hand in my direction. A smile pulled at his lips as he stood at the bottom of the stairs which led up to the girls dormitory. The perfect gentlemen he waited, his uniform proudly worn snuggle on his shoulders with his prefect badge pinned on his broad chest. His eyes surveyed me, wavy hair swept to the side orderly. “Tom” I spoke out of habit nodding in his direction as I took his outreached arm in mine, linking it together as I leaned in to his side slightly. Not enough that it would be improper, since this has been before our relationship officially began. We slowly exited the room. “Miss O' Clare pleasures” his voice rolling off his tongue as sweet as honey, he said, “Abraxas, Nott, Miss Rosier and Miss Verkinne have already left for breakfast, I’ve opted to wait for you”. A small smile played on my lips before I could stop it, “Very kind of you, thank you” as his own mirrored mine.

“What is on your schedule this morning?” “Double potions, transfiguration, a free period, and in the afternoon Arithmancy” “I recall we have potions with Abraxas and Dora today, I also have a free period as well with you” “That's lovely Tom," pausing briefly before taking advantage of the moment, "we should study in the library during our free period.” “I will be sure to meet you there” he promised. 

Making our way through the big oak doors as the chatter immediately filled my ears and the scent of bacon hit my nose. To our right was the ghost of Peeves scaring some first year ravenclaws who ended up falling to the floor, the younger kids took a lot longer to adjust to the prankster. Riddle steered us towards our usual seats, his warm body grounding me, as we spotted all our friends already. A pleasant grin made its way onto my face as we sat amongst our housemates, laughing, talking, eating and discussing the upcoming exam in charms tomorrow. I hadn't felt homesick, I was happy to be there in that moment surrounded by the teasing jeers, the talk of our friends, and the voices of the people I had grown to love. By the time the pair of boys in our first class stood up first from breakfast, it was ten minutes to class that we all began to head to our courses.

Settling in a seat near the back of the Potions classroom, Orpha accompanied them while the two sat in the desks to the left of us. I saw Professor Slughorn stalk into the room five minutes before class was to start, opting to start the lecture early like he usually did with the older students. Mid way into class we would finish writing notes and had time to start observations instead of starting the brewing process. He began observing a handful on medium vials, once he uncorked them and they all satisfied his observations he began handing out the vials to each table. While keeping an observant eye, he glanced skeptically around the room. Rosier turned to pass you a vial while holding it up to the light, the pink and mother of pearl sheen glimmered and chatter began filled the room as the observation time began. Amortentia, the love potion sloshed around the container innocently. “Who do you suppose you will smell?” she gossiped looking around at the other desks full of our classmates. “Wait let me guess," pausing for dramatic effect, "using my inner eye I'm sensing it's got to be…Professor Dumbledore!” Orpha whispered to you. Laughing at the good natured assumption. Many of our own friends had crushes on our Professor but it was our own joke between us since he wasn’t either of ours type. As Slughorn walked past our row of desks, I rolled my eyes saying, “Oh bludger off! It’s not an actual love potion, it only emulates what smells you are fond of. I’m betting it will smell like blueberry muffins, maybe even chocolate frogs”. 

They just snickered, rolled their eyes, and shoving it into your hands, “okay, okay if you’re so sure just tell me exactly what you smell and we will see” Orpha said. “Fine” I held the potion in one hand and readied to the other with a quill over my scroll. Taking the dropper off and moving closer to the vial, your eyes shifted under their eager gaze beckoning you forward. As you smelled the aroma you smiled to yourself, “I smell my mom's blueberry muffins, nothing new there she. Also chocolate, but more of a dark chocolate, and also…..” taking a moment to think. “a very subtle cologne, it’s light but very noticeable? If that makes sense. But also parchment like old books, jasmine incense or something floral, and freshly polished leather. But it seems familiar” you looked over at Rosier who was peering around you at something behind you “What is it?”. Turning around your eyes immediately landed at the desk Tom and Abraxes were occupying, making you turn around so fast you nearly fell off your chair. “No it's not him” you reassured yourself out loud more than speaking to her. It hadn't taken long for you to feel something for the dark haired boy, but you mustn't. Truly you should not, you could not. You knew of the hundreds that would be dead by the time you were nearly finished with your schooling. The original schooling you had. 

“It’s obvious you fancy the Head Boy over there, who else smells like incense, cologne and old books. Put it all together and bingo it's Riddle, you yourself should know it”.

And then I woke up.

∞

I tried to ignore how the memory made me feel but in all honesty last night had filled me with a mix of emotions. For that, I slept in as long as I could to stare up at my poster bed but it was not nearly long enough when Mrs. Lily Evans is your roommate. So when I finally rose that morning, it seemed like my luck ran out as I trudged down the common room stairs. The [self named] marauders were sprawled out around the couches whispering to themselves, no doubt in my mind of where they were last night and yet when they heard my shoes click on the carpet they turned. At the first glance I knew it was bad, and then I felt my stomachs drop as Peter's outreached hand dropped a familiar metal locket over to Siri. The same necklace I elected to ignore the past week. 

James had found the locket, “a slytherin huh?”

And I nearly wanted to dry heave right there, so I ran. But before they could follow, Lily's voice saved me and kept them in their places as I made my escape.

∞

Stepping out of the library I made my way towards Gryffindor tower, opting to skip dinner and go by the kitchen later. The halls were bare, it was now two days since the marauders confronted her about the locket and she ran her course ignoring and threatening them when each attempt at confronting her occurred. By now, they had done exactly what she feared, anytime she was a few feet within distance from any Slytherins in general they would practically death glare at them. Even if they were girls. All they knew for sure was I had a slytherin locket and a nightmare of a boy, not much to go by on admittedly. But they knew I was afraid, maybe of telling them the truth, maybe of ever getting them involved. Too lost in thought, someone lunged and I was dragged into a dark alcove only seeing the person's dark green slytherin robes. Fear ran through my body as they covered my mouth and pinned my arms behind my back. Shoving me into the wall, I met their eyes. “Regulus what the fuck are you doing?” I spat on his cold palms. He simply gave me that infamous Black smile before pushing off of me to run a hand back across his neck.

“You know Potter I didn’t appreciate my brother and his friends ambushing me yesterday after practice” he spat in mere annoyance of their little visit. Rolling my own eyes at the boy, I said, “So what? I hadn’t had anything to do with it”. Pushing off the wall, my hands rolled my sleeves back down reflexively to ease my growing assumption. The dark haired boy scoffed as if it was funny, as if I was missing something important. Which meant it was about me and not Sirius. “The locket” was all he said.

I could feel my heart simply stop in my chest as it hit me. “No, no they didn’t bring it up to you?” hopefulness filling my voice. A small smile in contempt came to his face, “Obviously y/n. Something about a slytherin locket and asking about the whereabouts of who owned it. They showed me it, it’s an old heirloom about as old as most of the ones at my house,” pausing briefly to glance over at my face, drinking in every slight reaction. “I couldn’t identify it as any other pureblood families. Surely any respectable family would show off the piece. Yet here it is with you Potter, why?” his eyes surveyed my face. Black was just as curious as the boys, even though I knew I could trust him since we were on good terms. He occasionally reached out to ask about how Sirius was and we became good acquaintances despite my brothers’ concerns. But it wasn’t the time for the truth, at least not for this fifth year boy to try and comfort me. “Regulus I can’t tell you it’s personal really. I can’t even tell James or Lily. Just know I trust you enough that the second I’m ready I’ll come to you. I promise”. Sighing in response he adjusted his book bag, the dramatic flare he had turned off “Fine, Potter but it was you in the Slytherin common room a week back, wasn’t it? It was reported to the the house prefects”. I seemed caught red handed, so I had to admit it. “Yes, I'll tell you why when the time comes, alright?” He only sighed dramatically but turned to leave. 

By the time dinner had long passed, I snuck into the kitchen through the pear portrait. All I wanted was a meal in peace and quiet but as I stepped in the portrait a new black haired boy stood leaning up against the countertops with a infamous map in hand. “Of course it's you Siri,” I said, “I know, I know but please just let me eat before you drag me off to James.” Looking up to beg him with my eyes, hoping he would let me have a moment of peace.

He set the map down, now it felt like a set up. “Actually, y/n I just wanted to speak to you about something” he said, eyes turning down nervously to look at his hands. Now alarms went off in the back of my mind, me and Padfoot were good friends but we hardly spoke outside of the group or at home. He took in a deep breath as if this made him more nervous than me, “About this week, the locket- erm how do say this” he trailed off. “Come on, spit it out it's just us two”

“Okay, so the locker, it’s an heirloom. I don’t think I needed to spell it out, but it's a courtship gift” he said as I nodded, none of this was new knowledge to me. “..it’s not from Regulus, is it?” Sirius asked. That was the last thing I expected him to say but he kept speaking rapidly as if I would disappear at any second. “If it is that's fine I know James might not agree but oh- it is him isn’t it” he says piecing his thoughts together as you were at a loss of words. Finally speaking up, “no..” you said but he kept rambling, “it's totally okay if he is, I know you talk to him and are speaking privately. You can tell me if he’s courting you, I know you’re young and stressed over our Mom wanting to rush the plans and-” and before he could continue you yelled out “STOP”, not bothering to politely stop his endless speech. “We are seriously not having this conservation, it's not him”

And did that shut him up, you walked towards the back of the kitchen ruffling through the pantries to put together a dinner plate. He stood silently glancing at the outline of them, “If it was him, you know I’d be okay with it as long as he’s treating you right”.

“Thanks Siri, but seriously me and Regulus is not going to happen” I said, “Oh thank god, I was so stressed out about you marrying into the Blacks.”

A/N: Any interactions like reblog or even commenting help so much, truly anything is supper appreciated because I’d love for my writing to reach more people

[kujo1597]

I’ve been watching my friend liveblog her rewatch of She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (great show) and it looked really fun to do. And she’s also doing this to get into writing SPOP fanfics and as some of you may remember, I have a Jem fanfic called Unbreakable that I really do need to finish. So I figured I would blog my rewatch of Jem. I wanted to watch the show again to get my creative juices flowing and figured why not.

Because I know the show backwards and forwards due to watching it five or six times my posts will probably largely focus on the characters and traits they have that I incorporate into the writing. I’ll talk about Jerrica’s relationship with Rio and why it’s so dysfunctional and concerning.

I’m also going to be a fucking weirdo and keep track of the crying because a character trait of Kimber’s I find really interesting is how private she is with her tears compared to the others. But this will be kept in a folder of its own and I won’t dwell on it.

I won't be putting all of these into the fandom tag because I worry that I'll be deemed "too active" by Tumblr and my posts will stop showing up in the tag. So I guess if you're interested in keeping up with these keep track of the "Kujo Watches Jem" tag.

Man I love this show’s first intro song and the animation. It’s largely rotoscoped and looks really nice.

The show starts off with a look at Jem and The Holograms at a premiere and it’s a cool way of introducing the characters. They make it very clear who’s who.

Aja

Shana

I love how they just fukkin’ throw Kimber out of the car. This is a good time to mention that the animation in the first five episodes is pretty janky. They’re stitched together seven minutes shorts that were part of the Super Sunday block on whichever channel this aired on. So we’re kind of watching a proof of concept right now.

And of course they show Jem as this cool and mysterious woman as she shrugs off her sheer veil in front of a cheering crowd. Reporters ask Jem a bunch of questions.

Then we hear our protagonist, Jerrica, start narrating.

She tells us that her story begins after her father's unexpected death. And they establish later in the show that this funeral is on or around Jerrica's birthday. Which is really awful. I feel bad for her.

I remember Eric being kind of creepy at the funeral but always forget just how creepy he is. Especially because I’m fairly confident that at this point in production Jerrica is meant to be an older teen. Like, 17 or 18. I don’t blame Rio for dragging her off.

But oh man, let’s just add this to the “Jerrica apologizes for Rio count.” It’s a recurring thing.

Now we cut to a shot of Starlight House and the characters working to fix it up. This also has cool details like a design table, Shana is into fashion design as we’ll learn later.

Uh, I need to point out this bird cage. You’ll see why later. But I need to point it out.

I wonder how long Ashley’s been living here for. Because she comments on the house being a dump as if she’s just moved in. Also she broke that chair. She tried to flop onto it but it broke.

Now we meet Mrs. Bailey who helps take care of the kids. Nice lady. She informs Jerrica that her dad, Emmett, would get money to fund the Starlight House’s upkeep from his music company. So Jerrica goes over to the office. She sees a new receptionist, walks past her and enters her dad's old office.

Eric continues to call Jerrica “darling” and talks about how he’s hired a new band called The Misfits. And they ride in on these extremely toyetic motorcycles. I don’t think they ever did get released though. But man, this screams “toy commercial show.” Jem is way more than just that though.

We get the first song of the series and it’s great. Fun imagery. And it’s funny seeing them play their instruments because Stormer is playing this weird boomerang guitar. I seriously do wonder when they finalized what instruments the characters play. Aja was messing around with drumsticks earlier in the episode and spoiler alert, she’s not a drummer, like, at all.

Jerrica calls The Misfits trash and insults Pizzazz. Then they talk about Eric holding a rigged battle of the bands competition. Which obviously Jerrica doesn’t approve of.

We then cut to Jerrica in her bedroom on a stormy night. Jerrica’s mad about Eric ruining the good image of her dad’s company. Then Kimber points out the jewellery box addressed to Jerrica. It contains earrings, very familiar earrings. Everybody wonders who they came from. Aja figures it was Rio.

Then thunder and lighting, and a mysterious woman who looks like she walked out of an exercise tape addresses Jerrica in a slightly ghostly voice.

And then Jerrica very rudely puts her hands in this woman’s belly. Jerrica! Personal space!

Understandably the mysterious woman leaves. In a flash of light.

Everybody follows the directions left in the earring box and meet up with the woman in Starlight Drive-In. She walks through a wall and they follow her in their van, the Starlight Express.

A quick aside, I was talking to my friend who’s only seen two or three episodes of Jem because of me kind of going, “Well, these episodes are very silly. I think it’d be fun to watch them with you.” Anyway, I was talking about the show and because of the fact that everything has the word Starlight in the name he asked if Starlight was Jerrica’s last name. And yeah, I get why he would think that.

Anyway, the woman introduces herself as Synergy and explains that she’s a highly advanced entertainment system made by Emmett Benton. We get shots where the characters split off and look at their interests, Shana at clothes, Kimber at the musical instruments, and Aja at the car, the Rockin' Roadster.

Seeing Synergy’s ability to make realistic holograms along with all the instruments gave Jerrica an idea.

Oh neat, we’re seeing a performance by a band that sounds… not great. I guess the rigging is going well.

And then we hear some more music, this time a song building up.

And that song the first one performed by Jem in the series. It’s a very solid one! A good note to start the band on.

Obviously everybody loved this band, they sound great! Eric gets all worked up and demands to know what they’re doing here because the contest is invite only. Jem points to Jerrica and announces that she was sent there by Jerrica.

And then Jem totally inconspicuously runs off of the stage and behind a tree. Then turns into Jerrica. She meets up with Eric on the stage and they’re caught arguing on the mics. I actually forgot that Eric was the one who put control of Starlight Music up as a stake in a new competition. One just between The Misfits and Jem and The Holograms.

A film producer named Howard Sands happened to be in the crowd and he promises a movie, and a mansion to the winner of the new battle of the bands competition. Six months from now.

Jerrica accepts the challenge having full confidence in herself and her sisters.

The Misfits are rowdy trouble makers so they steal Jem’s equipment and drives off with it in their van. The rival band gives chase because that’s their stuff and they need it. Musical equipment is not cheap. We get this thrilling chase where Roxy and Stormer throws things at the car Aja’s driving to try to get them to crash I guess. And uh

That’s a cliff. They’re heading right off a cliff. And Aja hit the gas judging by the sound effect.

Good work.

You can kind of tell this was the end of the short, especially when they come back from commercial and replay the chase scene.

Jerrica’s not dumb. She sends a hologram of Jem out to get help. The hologram meets up with Rio and tells him where the car is. Rio saves them.

The paper reports on this and gives Jem and The Holograms a bunch of publicity.

The Misfits don’t see much of a problem with this because they can still win the competition and of course

winning is everything.

I just, look at this GIF.

Okay I needed you to see that. The music video is a wonderful flavour of silly.

Now back to Starlight House. We see the girls putting money into the Honor Jar. It's a communal fund that the girls contribute to in order to afford things for Starlight House. They’re trying to buy a new fridge. Before adding the funds to the jar they have to announce how they made the money.

Ashley questions the jar which really adds to the feeling that she’s new here.

Also, it’s weird hearing Deirdre being voiced by Samantha Newark. She’s voiced by Patricia Alice Albrecht in her later appearances. The same VA as Pizzazz, Samantha Newark is Jerrica’s by the way.

Meanwhile Eric phones a thug and tells him to make Jerrica uncomfortable.

I need to know where this place is located. It’s in the middle of a forest or something. And I swear that’s a river behind it. Is that safe when you have twelve kids? The youngest is eight so maybe we don't have too much to worry about.

Anyway, Ashley steals money from the Honor Jar and Jerrica catches her. And then says something that never sat super right with me.

“There’s no room in Starlight House for girls who steal and lie.”

Like, hm, I dunno, I can’t articulate exactly why it bothers me. I feel like it would kind of breed dishonesty. Like how controlling parents often end up with kids who are really good at sneaking around them.

But Jerrica is a teen herself and taking care of twelve kids so I can’t be too hard on her. Especially because her dad did recently die so there is going to be some adjusting to the new role as foster mother.

Jerrica tells Ashley that the other girls are going to decide on her punishment because they’re the ones running the Honor Jar. The punishment is to raise $30 which is ten times the amount Ba Nee raised by the way.

I get a kick out of Samantha Newark trying to sound like a tough girl, possibly from Jersey. What do I know? I’m Canadian. Now I’m kind of wishing they kept her as Deirdre’s voice actor. We do get more "tough girl Newark" later in the series though. In an excellent episode.

Later on during the night Rio’s explaining that the power’s still out and offers to stay over. But Jerrica turns him down. They lean in for a kiss.

And hear a bunch of giggling which is cute.

Jerrica turns to them and says, “Jealous?” before kissing Rio.

I like this dynamic between Jerrica and her girls.

Later that night the thug Eric talked to, Zipper, awkwardly breaks into the house. It takes him a couple tries to break the window. Still better than what I could do.

One of the Starlight Girls, Marianne, never named in the show, alerts Jerrica to there being a noise coming from downstairs. So Jerrica takes her sisters with her to check out the noise while the kids stay upstairs and safe.

Because there’s no power and it’s the middle of the night Kimber’s holding a lantern with the biggest damn flame I have ever seen.

Zipper having been caught pushes past Kimber and knocks the lantern out of her hands. And sets the house on fire.

Like, crazily on fire.

And this is where the episode ends.

I would love to do more but this took even longer than I expected and I haven’t been getting enough sleep so I’m quite tired and dizzy. So bedtime for me. I’ll pick this up later, possibly tomorrow.

[mikuni14]

Oh No! Here Comes Trouble

Wow, just wow. I liked everything in this drama. First of all, the main character YiYong, a punk boy with bad grades and a heart of gold, very much like NamSoon from School 2013 (my beloved). Plus, he's incredibly beautiful. Great story, very interesting plot, innovative approach to folklore, local fairytales and tradition, surprising plot twists that are actually made to surprise and shock the viewers, not just some stupid shit done for the sake of shocking, insulting the viewers’ inteligence.  Genuinely funny scenes. I mean, I LOLed. A lot.  WONDERFULLY written relationships between the characters, both as family and as friends. All these old and new human/supernatural connections ✨ WONDERFUL and most importantly RELIABLE portrying of human emotions, such as the maine theme of obsession, but also love, devotion, sacrifice, GRIEF, guilt, longing, desperation.

What I always, ALWAYS expect from any story, whether in book form or on screen, is credibility and logic. Doesn’t matter if the action takes place in space, school or in ancient Rome :) I want to understand and buy the characters behaviour. And ONHCT delivered. Despite the often lightly funny tone of the series and the crime-supernatural theme, the constatnt presence of MOURNING and LOSS in YiYong's life recurs throughout the season. As a viewer, I feel that the suffering is still just under his skin, as well as under his mother's, and only sometimes it comes out in a grimace of the mouth, sometimes in crying. They both keep their emotions under control most of the time, but they're still there. I can see them. And that's great. And the whole series is about that, about the bad things that happen to people and the trauma, the memory that still lingers and affects their lives. I don't know how many series and movies I've seen, where characters go through traumatic experiences, which then have zero or negligible impact on the plot and the characters. I can clearly see then that the traumatic experience was only done to shock the viewer. But not here. YiYong's mourning can be seen in what he says, in his face and behavior, in his conversations with his mother, in their gestures, tenderness, tone of voice. This is so beautiful and moving.

I am absolutely blown away by how drama like this can be created, that has a place for fantastic main characters AND fantastic side characters. In which there will be an amazing main story and equally important side stories, and which at the end can still surprise the viewer. Which will have a complete ending, but which still gives a chance to the second season. Where there will be plenty of room for a honest laughter and equally sincere tears. In which trauma is not trivialized, and suffering victims get their voice and are treated with dignity and tenderness (similar to Beyond Evil and The Glory). In which KINDNESS finally wins.

I love this drama so much 🥺 I love YiYong and his himboism and his beautiful face and his cool haircut and his permanent scowl so much. 💖

[whoredmode]

I'd be interested to hear some of your post-SRIV ideas, either for antagonists or just plot thoughts/ideas you've not yet shared :)

i wanna hold off on saying anything definitive on antagonists since i’m still not certain yet + i wanna do some more research and development on several things. but i have a long thing i’ve written talking about oleg’s role in the story and his general lore. so in earlier drafts of my backstory for him and his late wife, i did have it written that they had a son who was killed when the rest of the crime family died after oleg left for steelport to find loren. i ended up writing it out tho bc i just wasn’t sure about it, but i’ve been thinking about adding it back as a segue into his conflict post-sriv. i’ve definitely mentioned it before but there is this vague recurring theme of family w oleg specifically (the brutes seeing him as a father figure, the saints arguably becoming a new found family, and a lot of his interactions w the boss definitely come off as the boss seeing him as an older mentor/father figure, always coming to him to ask for advice). so w that in mind, he’s a character i can absolutely see as having been a literal father. it definitely adds even more to the tragedy of his character, which may have been a reason why i’d initially removed the detail about him losing his wife and son.

so how does this come back to post-sriv? the developing plot i have currently involves former members of his old crime family reappearing and him being unsure what to do, or if he can even trust them. originally it was ppl who switched sides before the syndicate fight unbeknownst to oleg, but now i wonder. what if it’s the former friends of his late son (as in the kids of other members of the crime family), just all grown up now. like would you really put it past a group as shady as the syndicate to take these kids in and shape them into assassins for their sake? i’d argue we barely know the ins and outs of the syndicate, the layers and overall organization of the group itself. with that said, if the ppl from his past who returned were ppl he knew when they were very young…..of course he’d feel more willing to trust them? to see them grown up and to think oh my god they survived, knowing everything he lost. but them having become wholly loyal to the syndicate and just trying to manipulate him. hmmm