#i might have an addiction but it’s okay
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One thing I've noticed that defines American Conservatism as a whole is a sort of...competitive mindset when it comes to life choices. Like, there's a desire to live an Objectively Correct life, which they, naturally, define as their OWN life. Religion is certainly deeply ingrained in this, but I believe the impulse begins with the desire to self-identify their own lifestyle as "Correct", and religion enters the picture primarily as a way to identify all "Competing" lifestyles as "incorrect". For those of us old enough to remember when Gay Marriage was a big debate in the country, there was strong opposition from the right. The clearest opposition was in plain religious terms, being gay bad, therefore society should not condone it. But there was another argument that was thrown around, one which was repeated often, but never made sense to those who were not making it. "If Gay people can get married, Straight marriage is worthless". The term "Protection" was used a lot in this context, "Protecting" the institution of marriage from gay people. And looking back on that in context of the intervening decade, something finally clicked for me. Some people are uncomfortable with the idea that there are multiple "Correct" ways to live. They can be perfectly happy and content with their life, but the idea that there are alternatives out there makes them uncomfortable because it introduces the idea that they might be wrong. It's not that homophobes in straight marriages are repressed homosexuals who wish they could have gotten gay married instead, it's that being presented with somebody who is different than you, but still lives a thriving, happy life shatters the comforting certainty that you have been Correct. Key to this idea of Correctness is consequences for disobedience. That's why so many conservative policies are needlessly anti-empathetic and cruel. The assumption is that if you live the correct life, you receive the rewards of comfort, and if you deviate from that, you suffer. Homelessness must exist as a threat to those who deviate from the standard of the protestant work ethic (nevermind that wealth and work ethic rarely correlate in reality). Sickness must exist as a threat to those who deviate from the standard of health (nevermind...literally everything about that statement). The horrors of drug addiction and withdrawal must exist as a threat to those who cannot resist the temptation to do drugs (Nevermind...you get it). And Pregnancy must exist as a consequence for those who deviate from the standards of puritan sexual morality. If you have sex "Correctly", with your spouse in a place where you are at least open to the idea of having children, you would never need an abortion. Abortion is for filthy sluts who can't control their lustful impulses. If you lived a Correct Life, you wouldn't need an abortion. At the root of it all is a fear of uncertainty. From their perspective they made all the "Correct" choices and ended up in a good place, but those were not choices at all. They didn't "Choose" to be straight and cis, society told them they were by default and they didn't disagree. They didn't choose to be christian, they were raised as such, found comfort in their faith, and never questioned it. They took the path of least resistance and it worked out, why doesn't everybody do the same? Why do you want to make things so complicated and confusing? This WORKED. It worked for me, it worked for my parents and my friends. I don't want my kids to grow up thinking it's okay to make the wrong choices.
Here’s the thing I think conservatives don’t understand: I don’t care what someone else does with their own body.
You wanna get surgery or take medication to make you look a certain way? Okay. I don’t care
You wanna ctrl+alt+delete that clump of cells in your uterus. Sure. I don’t care.
You wanna use meds to block a natural aspect of your body’s system? Alright by me. I. Don’t. Care.
I don’t care because it’s not my body
“But what if they regret it?” So? Let them regret it. That’s their choice to live with.
“But what if that baby would have grown up to cure cancer?” Kinda short sighted on God’s part to only put that potential in one baby, yeah? (Also … you can’t cure cancer, but that’s a level of nuance for a different time)
“But what if they want to use that function in the future?” Funny thing about meds: you can just stop fucking taking them and things usually go back to normal.
I DON’T CARE WHAT ANOTHER HUMAN BEING DOES WITH THEIR OWN BODY! I don’t care 🤷♀️ it’s not my body so why should I have a say in it?
The choice is not “being left up to the states instead of the federal government”, it’s that the choice is being taken away from individuals.
Why the fuck to they care so much what other people do with their own shit??
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Lost In Control | Bad Omens | CHAPTER 06
adult content | minors do NOT interact.
⋆ 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆. Bad Omens X ex-girlfriend and singer!Reader.
⋆ 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒. You and Noah had a difficult ending but you still need to support each other for the band.
⋆ 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆(𝐒). melancholy, ex-boyfriends, difficult relationships, alcohol abuse, swearing, drug addiction, violence.
It's okay to not agree with the characters' attitudes during the fic. It's good to remember that the story is fiction from the author's sick mind and of course they will make dubious decisions according to my fantasies. Nothing is done to be compared to reality.
NOAH
Prisons are noisy.
I went through the security check and was ready for the visit, waiting in a room with several tables where emotional family members awaited their loved ones who could walk through that door at any moment. The minutes on the clock with hands, hanging on the wall in front of me, moved with hypnotizing slowness.
Tick. Tock.
It didn’t take long for her to come, hands restrained by handcuffs and wearing an orange jumpsuit. Not very different from her daughter in physical appearance, even though the daughter was much prettier. I saw her neck stretch as she searched the room for someone she knew, and when she spotted me sitting there waving with a small smile, her posture stiffened.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Crystal barked, sitting in a chair across from me. Without any manners, she didn’t even say good morning.
"I found this in a pile of mail and saw you needed a visit." I signaled with the paper between my fingers. Opportunities rarely landed so easily in my lap, but this one was worth thanking the gods for.
"But it wasn’t your visit I asked for! Where is my daughter?"
"Was there a problem with your watch? You’re nine years late to ask if she’s found a place to live!"
"That’s none of your business!"
"Everything concerning her is my business. Don’t be ridiculous!" I said, loosening my tone slightly.
Crystal looked around uneasily. Her nails were dirty with soil, and she looked sweaty—I guessed it was from the prison’s activities. Clearly, the days here weren’t treating her well, judging by her expression and the size of her dark circles.
"How did you end up here?" I asked, tilting my head to the side. "No… wait! Let me guess! This is definitely your idiot boyfriend's fault, isn't it?
"I need to talk to my daughter," she completely ignored my sarcasm and dragged the chair closer to the table.
"Don’t tell me you’re hoping for her help to get out of here?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.
Her silence made it inevitable for me to burst into laughter, shaking my head slowly. Leaning forward, I rested on my elbows on the table to speak as quietly as possible.
"You know when I’ll let you get near her again?" I whispered into her wide eyes. "Do you think I don’t know what you’re trying to do? You realized you’re alone, and she might be your only source of money and a ticket out of here. Only for you to then go after that man and keep ranting about her on social media like a lunatic, giving even more material for the people who hate her to make her life a hell!"
It was impossible not to notice the sudden change in her expression. With me, she could show her true face without hesitation. Playing the victim wouldn’t work.
"And what makes you think you have the right to come here and tell me what to do?" she questioned, lifting her chin as if she were in a position to challenge me. "I don’t think we’re that different when you took advantage of my daughter’s open door to keep destroying the little she had left!"
"EVERYTHING THAT FUCKED HER HEAD UP UNTIL NOW IS YOUR FAULT!" I spat, pointing a finger at her. From the corner of my eye, I saw the guard adjust his position as the conversation escalated. "No matter what I did to fix it, you always seemed to be there like a damn shadow to remind her where she came from!"
"I’m sorry if you wasted nine years of your life, boy."
Suddenly, that sentence felt like a shock through a high-voltage wire, and I stood frozen, staring at the apathetic face of the woman in front of me. I couldn’t say for sure if I had wasted nine years of my life while we were together, when I knew nothing but her. No other feelings, no other touch—nothing that didn’t come from her. All because I refused to live something different, something that didn’t include her, even if it meant facing hell every day.
I blinked a few times and clenched my fists before my thoughts could drag me into a place I couldn’t return from now.
"If it’s up to me, you’ll rot in this place, and I’ll do everything to keep her further away from any news about you."
Crystal swallowed hard, her fingers fidgeting nervously, tensing as my presence loomed over her. I leaned down to leave one last message in her ear.
"And I’m sure you’re still in touch with that boyfriend of yours. Don’t forget to tell him he can’t keep running from me forever," I whispered with satisfaction, hiding a little laugh.
Slowly, I straightened up and looked down at her one last time, seeing her as still as a statue, staring blankly at the table. I stepped back gradually and walked toward the exit, dreaming of the moment I’d finally rid myself of that place with its strange smell.
When I arrived at the studio, the band was in their respective spots, rehearsing on their own. Everyone was laughing at something that quickly lost its charm the moment I crossed the door, as if a dark cloud had invaded their colorful world.
Chewing my gum with more intensity, I hardened my expression as soon as I saw Landon sitting on one of the stools, like an audience interacting with the performance on the small stage in the center of the room.
I didn’t miss for a second that his eyes—and his stupid, unfunny jokes—were directed at one single person, who seemed to find joy in even the wind brushing through her hair. I shot him a brief glare that could have pierced his body while the energy drink can in my palm seemed to disappear under my grip. We worked at the same record label. He was the owner's son and the vocalist of some irrelevant band. Naturally, we didn’t get along.
“You’re late, Noah!” The lone feminine voice broke our eye contact, and I turned to join the others. I didn’t bother looking at her directly, but out of the corner of my eye, I watched her adjusting her guitar while he couldn’t take his eyes off her.
More precisely, off her long, tattooed legs, exposed by a short plaid skirt.
“I’ve got a watch,” I replied.
An awful silence filled the room in seconds, and Folio broke it with a casual drumbeat, a habit whenever we traded jabs.
“And you, Landon?” I asked while checking the microphone setup. “Don’t you have anything better to do? I remember booking this space just for my band today.”
“No one complained about me being here before. We’re just hanging out, chatting, man. Don’t tell me you’re gonna cry about it,” he said, smirking. “Ruffilo was giving me a few tips.”
It felt like my face had been plunged into a tub of lava, the heat rising so fiercely in my cheeks. If the mic stand could talk, it would probably beg me to stop gripping it so tightly.
“I don’t see any problem with Landon watching the rehearsal.” Strangely, she seemed overly agreeable today, her sultry tone almost convincing if I weren’t paying attention. Actually, I knew perfectly well why she was acting so liberally—she was high.
“But I do,” I snapped without taking my eyes off him, still lounging in his seat like he owned the place. “We already have enough issues with band members getting distracted, and the last thing I need is a pest hanging around!”
“Buzzkill.”
I caught a whispered insult from afar, followed by their shared laughter, which only fueled my rage.
Jolly and I exchanged glances, and I was sure he was thinking exactly the same thing I was.
“I won’t ask you to leave again!” If my eyes had the power to kill, his body would have been shattered to pieces by now.
“Okay, okay! See you later...” He stood, shoving his hands into his pockets and shrugging in mock surrender. “Oh, Noah, almost forgot—I’m hosting a little party at my place, just something casual with friends. It’d be cool if you came with the rest of the band.”
And who said we were friends?
“See you there!” Folio shouted from the back of the room.
Landon nodded, and just before leaving, I noticed him brush his hand against hers in a slow enough motion for her to take whatever he handed her and tuck it into her pocket. I took a deep breath as the door shut, leaning my head against the microphone stand with my eyes closed while my bandmates silently gestured to one another to start playing.
“It’s too late…” she began, testing the microphone.
“Stop.”
“What’s wrong?” she asked, throwing her hands up.
“You’re doing it wrong.”
“Okay, okay!” Jolly intervened. “It’s fine; we’ll start over.”
The intro of Take Me First started again, and I saw her clear her throat, straightening her posture as she inhaled through her nose and exhaled slowly through her mouth. Even after all these years, she still warmed up incorrectly, yet her voice seemed to defy every logical explanation, getting better every time despite her doing everything wrong.
Every time she opened her mouth and delivered a line, my mind entered some hypnotic state. My body didn’t care about the destination, as long as she was guiding the journey with her characteristic husky, dramatic tone.
“It’s too late…”
“Stop!” I ordered. “Start again.”
“It’s too late…”
“Stop!” I repeated. “You’re still coming in at the wrong time!”
Her lips trembled as she huffed in frustration, and without saying a word, she excused herself, marching across the room to lock herself in the bathroom.
“Have you lost it? She’s coming in at the right time, according to the new intro!” Jolly snapped, impatient. “If you’re going to nitpick, at least point out real mistakes!”
“Jolly’s right, man. Chugging all that energy drink is probably messing with your chakras!” Folio teased, punctuating his words with a playful cymbal crash.
“Folio, where did you even get the idea that energy drinks can do that?” Ruffilo asked, spinning his neck around with a puzzled expression.
“Let’s continue the rehearsal,” I said over my shoulder, watching them exchange glances.
“But she hasn’t come back yet…”
“If it mattered to her, she’d be here. Let’s go!”
Without questioning, they returned to their positions, and the intro started again. I cracked my neck from side to side before leaning into the microphone. During the opening bars, I closed my eyes, trying my hardest to pretend she was in some parallel space where her shadow couldn’t reach me.
But all it took was opening my eyes to collide with reality.
The bathroom door was still shut.
After practice, everyone grabbed their things and left for their destinations.
I have to admit, I felt betrayed, but screw it.
Lying on the couch in the living room, nothing seemed to hold my attention. I couldn’t watch a movie, couldn’t read, or even jot something down in a notebook because even the sound of the pencil scratching the paper annoyed me. I picked up the guitar and placed it on my thigh, hoping silence might serve as inspiration, and on the first chord, my luck had the string snap.
“Shit.”
I sighed, bored, banging my head against the back of the couch. On the floor, there was a pile of crumpled-up balls of paper from all my failed attempts at composing something. My mind was emptier than my stomach.
“I hope your little party is awful, sweetheart,” I murmured sarcastically to myself. Maybe talking to myself was the last stage before fully surrendering to madness.
The light of headlights in the garage caught my attention through the window. Judging by the incessant chatter, it was the guys—they were laughing and coming inside with parallel conversations and an armful of grocery bags. When I came face-to-face with them, I did a mental roll call, frowning when I noticed someone was missing.
“Huh,” I hesitated, crossing my arms and leaning against the couch. “Weren’t you all at the same party?”
“No, we changed our minds and went to the supermarket,” Ruffilo shrugged, lifting the bags. Suddenly, all the smiles disappeared. “She’s not here?”
My feet went numb, and for a moment, I thought I was floating, the ground vanishing beneath them. What pounded in my chest could easily be mistaken for the echo of a drum, grating against my ears. I didn’t fully understand why, but there was an unsettling itch beneath my skin that spread throughout my body, like a thousand needles piercing all at once.
“Shit.”
“Noah, where are you going?” one of them shouted, but I was already out the door and in the car, turning the ignition with the same speed I left the garage.
I was definitely speeding, but my vision felt too blurred on the city’s narrow streets as I swerved past car after car. The tightness in my chest gripped me diagonally, and I used my finger to loosen the collar of my shirt, trying my best to breathe in slowly and stay focused on the road.
Every time I heard a horn, it had the power to jolt me back to reality, preventing my car from crashing into another on the shoulder. The closer I got to the address, the more my agony escalated, and the harder it became to fight against the paralysis threatening my body.
I parked in the first available spot I found. Cars were haphazardly positioned with no room to maneuver, so I had to vault over a few hoods to get through. Loud music and a dense crowd amidst smoke—the party at Landon’s was so packed and noisy it was impossible to hear my own thoughts. Dodging a few girls drinking and bumping into a guy, I ended up with an entire drink spilled over my hoodie.
He was ready to curse me out but paused when he looked up and smiled.
“Noah? Noah Sebastian?” he squinted, double-checking what he was seeing. “Hey man, would you mind taking a picture with me? My sister loves—”
I didn’t wait for him to finish, turning my back on him, breathless, my heart hammering at a wild rhythm. It felt like I was getting closer.
Instinctively, I decided to head upstairs. On my way, I ran into Landon. He was stumbling over his own feet, wearing star-shaped glasses, nearly collapsing onto me. Luckily, I pushed him off just in time, throwing a punch that sent him sprawling onto the floor, creating a circle in the crowd.
Shaking my fist in the air and ignoring the murmurs, I took the stairs two steps at a time. As I reached the hallway, my insides twisted in dread over what I might find. Kicking open the first door, I found a couple—clean. The second door revealed some people passed out. The third was empty, aside from the mess.
That left me with only one option.
At the end of the hall, there was only one white door, which I assumed was a bathroom. I forced the golden doorknob and found it locked. Panic flared through my body. I slammed my shoulder against the wood, breaking through on the second try.
The music became just a distant echo.
And my heart was on the verge of stopping.
It was impossible not to collapse onto the wet floor beside her as soon as I saw her pale, unconscious body with liquid trickling from her lips. Despite my panic and groans of anguish, I forced myself to check her pulse. I abandoned every rule about not touching her again, cradling her in my arms and thrusting my fingers into her mouth to reach her throat. But there was nothing to pull out, and even if there had been, she was too limp to expel it.
“No. No. No. No,” I repeated in desperation, holding my phone to my ear while dialing emergency services. “Stay with me. Keep breathing. Please. Please. Please!”
I had no idea if I was doing the right things, but I was alone and couldn’t think of anything else besides needing her to come back. Her face was so sunken I could see the blue veins stark against her skin. Her well-shaped lips were dry and cracked, contradicting the increasingly shallow breaths escaping her nose.
“Keep breathing. Keep breathing. Keep breathing,” I kept repeating, pressing my lips to her forehead, feeling something wet and salty transfer between us as the hold music played in my ear. “Please, my little storm.”
The music outside drowned out my cries of pain—not physical, though. My body felt numb, like enduring a long episode of cramps. All the pain was internal, dissolving as I watched her grow colder in my arms.
“911, what’s your emergency?”
⭑ @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard ; @anarchydomainglory ; @iluvmewwwww75
#bad omens#noah sebastian#bad omens band#bad omens fanfiction#fan fiction#bad omens fic#fanfic#noah sebastian davies#noah sebastian fan fiction#noah sebastian fanfic#noah sebastian smut#noah sebastian fic#noah sebastian fanfiction#noah sebastian bad omens#noah sebastian x reader#noah sebastian davis#bad omens fanfic#bad omens fan fic#smut fan fiction#fanfic writing#fan fic writing#smut
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Every time someone complains about Fully Charged Airmans design, my love for him grows even stronger.
I feel like most people are mad that he isn't blue. Like back in 2014 when people complained that Sonics arms were blue in Sonic Boom. But I honestly don't think it's that big of a deal.
But if you see Fully Charged as an alternate universe to the classic series (which it is), then I don't really get why you'd have to complain about Airman not being blue. I think it's good they tried something fresh with the robot masters. They didn't have that much personality in the classic series, to be honest, compared to Fully Charged. I just think he needed a little more screen time to focus on his character. Just like many other robot masters on this show.
Okay, I have to admit, I did change around his colors a bit for a joke that would have gone along the lines of "Just hire fans, lol", but it actually ended up looking pretty cool, so I can't really make that joke anymore……. Really shot myself in the foot with that one. Anyway, here's blue Airman:
I still think that an episode featuring an air race would have been really really cool. They could have introduced a robot master like Gyroman as his rival. Maybe losing that race could have been the start of his character arc where he finally confronts his inferiority/superiority complex. Along the lines of "Flying is all I have left! If I can't have that, what else am I supposed to do?" Well, now that we're already in headcanon territory, I might as well tell you about all my other ones involving Airman. I believe his family is suuuuper rich. All his siblings have well respected careers and probably make his parents buckets of money. Meanwhile Airman is like the youngest sibling who dreamed of becoming a professional racer, which his parents didn't support at all. Kinda reminds me of another robot master under Lord Obsidians command whose dreams were crushed by his parents......
And as we've seen in that one episode, Airmans siblings are assholes. They just pretend he doesn't exist, like he never belonged to their family at all. Like they're ashamed that he's such a failure.
Oh damn that got dark again, sorry. But just like Drillman, he gets better in the end. While Drillman gets Woodman to look out for him, I've had the headcanon for a while that Airman gets taken in by Blastowoman, since she's also a flying robot master like him. Maybe she even gets him a job as a cargo bot alongside herself. I feel like he really needs someone supportive who's not afraid to call him out on his bullshit in his life. And because I have another headcanon that Blastowoman actually has an adult child (Blastman, lol), she's like the perfect woman for the job. ;)
Coming back to Airmans design, I did change some things about it for this particular piece of fan art. When I was trying to come up with an awesome pose to draw him in, the first thought I had was "Damn, I gotta give this man some heels." And that's exactly what I drew.
Sorry for not posting anything for 2 months btw. I got addicted to Metaphor ReFantazio ;) If that doesn't become game of the year, I'm gonna be real mad.
Jenny out.
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A little speculation of mine regarding shifting
Disclaimer: Everything I say in this post is only what I think might be blocking some of us in shifting to not-parallels. Take it as you wish but don’t come for me because I warned you.
So, shifting.
We already know social media is an issue, lots of people talked about it before. But I kinda want to dive a little deeper.
Because yeah, social media(including Tumblr) does affect you, but why?(and also a few secondary causes)
Burnout
Usually(me personally) I spend a lot of time doomscrolling on Tiktok or here on Tumblr and looking at things about my s/o or my cc or a friend there or the likes. While it’s not exactly a bad thing to look for ‘motivation’ per se, it kills some intention to shift to that reality because you have a small substitute for it here.
2. AI chatbots
Remember, your subconscious can’t tell the difference between what you see and what you tell it you see. Same goes for conversations or movies or books. Maybe even dreams. It doesn’t differentiate between a real conversation and one with a chatbot, so again, some of that intention is killed.
3. Daydreaming/‘roleplaying’
Am I saying either of those are bad things? No. Am I saying they are absolutely terrible for you if you want to shift? No again. What I’m saying is if you do it too much it might also affect your intention and/or motivation to shift. If you need an example, I’ll give one. I like to listen to music a lot, because it’s a coping mechanism and an escape from ‘the real world’. Usually many of these songs are accompanied by scenes I make up in my head and most of the ones I personally have are related to who I am in one DR but talking to some characters from a different place. Like a crossover of the sorts. There is not a single day where I haven’t listened to at least one song.
4. Looking at other shifters for help
So many shifters have said it before and by god am I tired of saying it too, but shifting is a path of self discovery. Like a puzzle. You’re given the pieces and the final image, but you’re the one who has to put them together, not someone else for you. You already have all you need, wasting time looking for answers to questions like ‘why am I not shifting’ or ‘what else do I have to do to shift’ can become hurtful. Sure, advice from time to time is helpful, but constantly doing it won’t get you anywhere.
Your mom didn’t spoon feed you your entire life, did she? She showed you how to do it yourself when you were old enough to learn, and you had to practice on your own and build up strength in your little toddler hands how to hold a spoon properly so you can eat.
So what do all these have in common and to do with shifting?
Simple: Intention and Motivation. Your will to get there.
Now I’m not saying to stop them all together, but I am saying that they should be cut off— rationed if you will— significantly if it means those of us with said issue want to get rid of it.
Again, it kills the intention to shift. Your conscious can’t tell the difference between what’s real and what’s fake, so it always thinks seeing an edit of your favorite person is really similar to seeing them IRL. From my point of view(mine personally), intention isn’t always there.
Let’s give another example and pretend intention is sugar. Sweetness in general. If you have it sometimes, you’re fine. Maybe you want more, but it’s okay. If you take it in big quantities though, it can become an addiction and lead to diabetes or an insulinic shock.
Now pretend all those things I counted out above as the sugar. You take too much and you might end up hurting yourself at some point or just staying at the same level. Spending all day doomscrolling, looking at other peoole for help, chatting with ais and so on, all while having the ‘it’ll help me shift tonight’ mindset won’t get you too far because you’re just exhausting yourself.
And no one’s saying the change has to be instant. You can’t stop an addiction immediately because it’ll just hurt you more, but you can slowly lessen the dose until it’s minimal or nonexistent. At the end of the day you’re only helping yourself, and what’s a thousand years to an eternity of bliss?
I know this is long, but I feel it needs to be put out there. This feels like important information/advice/take it as you will, and let me know if you have questions and I’ll make sure to answer/clarify them.
Happy shifting and take a break if you need to.
#reality shifting#shifting#shifting community#shiftblr#anti shifters dni#shifting realities#shifting mindset#law of assumption#loa#shifting motivation#shifting advice#you are the god of your own reality#but even gods need rest
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my toxic trait is having over 500 hours logged onto stardew valley
#stardew valley#sdv alex#sdv#sdv abigail#sdv farmer#sdv sam#sdv sebastian#sdv penny#sdv shane#sdv elliott#sdv leah#sdv lewis#sdv leo#i have a serious problem#i might have an addiction but it’s okay#is it really that bad#i just wanna live my farm life#maybe it’s not a toxic trait ??#just maladaptive daydreaming or projecting idk
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Little bright colored outfit with a fun vest ~
(shoes from ebay like 10 years ago. everything else is thrifted)
#ootd#jfashion#fashion#fantasy fashion#mori kei#....like... adjacent... lol#no idea what style this would be lol.. makes me think of like whimsical vaguely fantasy themed childrens book character#finally posting one of my aforementioned seven million drafts of actual outfits and costumes i have finished and edited#the photos for but just never feel like posting lol..#I need to find one of those people whos like 'omg i am ADDICTED to social media ugh i wish i could get off of it#im just browsing and posting like 60 times a daaaaay!!!' and take a little magical bottle and suck some of the social media#enthusiasim out of them. for moi. In exchange they can have some of my 'literally just never in the mood to post or interact with the#outside world ever' energy. We can balance each other. huzzah and so on#Though I think maybe it's part of the general thing I've heard of like.. I can't remember if it was in reference to adhd or just some sort#of general execcutive functioning issue type of thing - but the idea that things have to be ''just right'' before you do something. like#'oh i need to do this task. but i have to wait until XYZ first' or 'oh i can do this but only if X specific condition is met' or etc#The fact that I even have to be in a Specific Mindset to post. or sometimes will delay posting on social media because like 'oh well#I'm going somewhere tomorrow. somehow this matters. i cannot spend 5 minuts posting TONIGHT. clearly it will interfere#somehow schedule wise with the doctor appointment i have 15 hours from now. yes. yes. i must wait until my appointment is over#tomorrow afternoon. THEN i shall post' or etc. etc. lol. NOT even taking into account the many days#I just genuinely and physically sick and it's not even a mental thing. I just physically dont feel like sitting at the computer lol..#ANYWAY.. trying to get back into it. trying to get a business bank account.. make a proper paypal so i can start selling sculptures again.#selling clothes and sculptures.. posting about such things then of course as one must. etc... chanting to hype up and motivate myself lol#But yes. this is my favorite outfit out of the bunch so I am posting it first I guess.. maybe others later..#Also the purple dress says its from shein. which I've heard is bad fast fashion stuff. but maybe okay since its second hand? I havent#been to the bins since like 2020 or late 2019 even. and I think stuff like shein and temu has only become poular in the past few years#but I bet if I went to the bins now I might would find a good handfull of that stuff. Probably now not much different than what you#find in a walmart or a forever 21 or actual physical stores you can go to though. I hear quality of clothing is down everywhere no matter#where you get it or whatnot. What bountiful joys unfettered capitalism and exploitation bestows upon us (<being sarcastic).#Wearing one of my favorite little vests though. I love the texture of it and the clasps on it
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Ashes - page 2
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#sleep deprived af#but that's okay#Because I have the power of caffeine addiction and the Witcher 3 ost by my side#maito gai#kakashi hatake#digital drawing#fanart#naruto#nart fanart#nartposting#might guy
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i've been going into the liam tag from time to time the last year where both his fans and people who hated him were Weird about him well before there were any allegations so i would get curious, i don't even remember what started it (maybe it was merely looking for photos that update accounts wouldn't post), but i normally try to avoid going into anything but edit tags for people i enjoy bc there are so many nonsense takes
and of course happening to go through today before the news broke bc i wanted to see what was being said about the abuse as i've only gotten bits on twitter and of course there were many posts rightfully calling it out and all but there's that weird mentality which i was getting a lot more of from twitter but some on here where they're like??? celebrating it and girlboss-ing and i'm just like. okay it's great that you're believing a victim but you're making light of it by talking about it like it's just another stan thing, i have seen that time and time again when this kind of stuff comes out and if people already thought that person was annoying or whatever they're just like "oh yes! i knew it! their career is ruined haha!" and it's like. you clearly don't actually care about the horrible things this person has done and just want to brag that you somehow ~knew~ a stranger's vibes were off and it's so beyond gross like you could use that energy to support a person's victims and instead you'll just try to prove you stan the right people and never the wrong ones or whatever
#and then there were. weird ones#some apparent larrie who didn't seem to like either louis or harry#literally the post that popped up was talking about louis knowing he can't stand on his own bc he can't sing like#has he not very much proven he can stand on his own#he's not as famous post 1d as say harry but i doubt he wants to be lol even harry doesn't want to be#he stays off social media and just gets papped sometimes like both clearly thrive on stage just in different ways ya know#so that was just unnecessary and a block#and then someone else not defending liam or anything but talking about how they're probably all horrible to women#and niall and harry apparently cheating on gfs (never heard anything about that not that i think harry's relationships have been real#and it took me a while to realize when talking about niall having songs written about him they probs meant hailee but#idec what those songs are and if they reference cheating so whatever i think i'm out of the loop on rumors and stuff#where i used to always know what was going on with 1d like i wouldn't have even known about liam if not for the fyp on twitter#bc truly i just don't follow people who post about their personal lives anymore not a choice or anything just that the og 1d blogs are gone#but i was like okay even if any of THAT is true why on earth would you put that on par with abuse. why.#cheating is sooooooooo fucking shitty and i truly hate it but like not the same???#oh and saying niall is a bad person for taking a selfie with him even though none of us know what he knew esp at that point like#most of this seemed to be coming out right after the concert like come on#there's just sooooooo much all around of people pretending they know these people personally#both to defend and criticize and it's just like please i love 1d so much i always will#but man like believe victims always but also don't blindly believe every other random rumor you hear#or that you know exactly what's going on behind the scenes bc you don't and you never will#oh and ofc someone wondering about his other exes like tbf we don't know how much addiction and whatnot came into play#so yeah it might not all be recent developments but are you really gonna ask about danielle who as an adult dated 17 year old liam
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Sometimes I just wish I could live in a cold and dark cave and just listen to music all day long
And just write an in depth analysis of everything I listen to and become incapable of doing anything else
#Soldiers I fear this may be where my life is heading right now but#Once school starts again I might have to???#behave like a human again???#that's sad#maybe I will pull alnighters then I can fulfill my dreams#off topic but I heard my country is considering a rule of banning phones#And honestly I have to admit I wouldn't survive#not necessarily because I am so addicted to my phone but#I have 0 friends and crippling adhd#so if I can't listen to music like 24/7 I think I might just vanish#okay tbh I mostly need it in breaks and tedious classes like sewing class#like I must hear an old man scream into my ears catcatcatcat in order for my work to be sufficient this is serious#also having to work next to school I fear is going to be the death of me#Like what do you mean I can't listen to sasayaki on repeat while I am doing customer service 😾#sigh society#professional yapper#sorry for having to witness my slow descent into madness
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Oh wow, that's. That's a Clone. That's a clone of my comfort character...
#finally made myself watch captain laserhawk. wtf#many thoughts as a longtime rayman fan. that was all i ever wanted tbh. astoundingly correct direction considering the setting#i understand now why everybody did so much art of him when it first came out. too much potential there lmao#bro my mind wouldn't stop giving me a funny lil commercial abt it: 'have You or a Loved One been Cloned without Your Consent/Knowledge??'#they wouldn't make an android Ray(too expensive prolly). they Could edit a lot of footage for basic updates but that's too much effort? idk#yeah my brain just went CLONE!!!! HOLY SHIT CLONE WTF OKAY. OKAY#this isn't even the new interest or anything(by a long shot). i just missed my boy tbh#Rayman Raving Rabbids(2006 for the PS2) was basically my first ever video game so. glad i waited to see this stuff in my own time#the fucking. Rabbids Are Addicted to Carrot Juice audio literally jumpscared me lmao#i might be wrong. it could be the main theme without the background noise idk but it uh. woag
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fun fact 12 step programs were developed by two white christian men in 1930s america
#clenching my jAW#it's so hard bc it merits a much more nuanced discussion than tumblr writ large will ever go for#12 steps work for a lot of people!#but they also don't work for a lot of people!#they were developed through a very particular lens! and a lot of it is about breaking down one's own ego#guess who doesn't have the ego of white american men in the 1930s? hmm......#nvm the religious foundation.. you can tell me that 'god' can be anything all you want but it does not erase the moral bent of the program#and then every other variation of 12 steps just copy/pastes the same fucking structure#i think they're good in the sense that it can help you find community right#and i'm not going to devalue the importance of feeling like you're not alone#but that's about theeee only thing i got out of naranon#i thought adult children of might be different but no it feels exactly the same#and it's honestly extremely triggering to read 'you have a victim mindset' when i've spent over a year's work with my therapist to finally#acknowledge myself as a victim for the first time!#fuck offfffff. okay rant over.#driveby post#addiction
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same soup... different day
#hello it is sarah in the tags again#i feel like i tell myself i'll actually use this as a blog and then i forget and then i remember and then i forget again#venting ahead if that is not ur jam (talking to the 2 followers who actually see my posts)#i like tumblr because it;s so removed from my personal life that it feels really like a place i dont have to be anything for anyone#anyway i've been wondering if i should go back to therapy again but i feel like they might get tired of me because i keep bailing and comin#back like an addict lol like i swear i'll commit this time! sike. ghost be upon ye#anyway this time i'd come in for the big D#i don't like the floor it just feels closer to being six feet under and a bit like where i belong#i feel like a great number of things have happened in the past year and i've met all of it with a very lukewarm sense of dread and anxiety#its not even about feeling happy i dont even think i can feel shaken by anything. i feel like people see my apathy and think it's confidenc#anyway im not going back. they always say the same thing. can't do shit about shit life syndrome. and i don't want pills i'm so sick of the#isn't it something that i'm especially depressed the day before i start my new job? it's a tradition at this point. cheers#isn't it cruel that everyone in my life seem to put me on some kind of bizarre pedestal and no one questions my decisions or authority and#i battle with myself to figure out if i'm doing the right thing (no one will tell me the truth they are all scared of me getting angry)#was talking with a friend about how it'll be if i join their group project in a module we're taking soon.#and she's like well isn't it obvious? everyone will just listen to whatever you say and we'll end up doing well.#no one would challenge you because you're always right. and it's like.. yeah. i guess. okay. (hate that i know she's not wrong)#lol can u tell this is why house is kind of getting to me. learning lots of things about myself watching that man commit medical malpractic#anyway. i didn't ghost my therapist this time i remember now. she left the clinic lol she asked me to connect on linkedin. that was amusing#i always feel like the therapists here never know what to do with me and i kind of have to hold their hand a bit through my psyche#also they seem to be a bit at awe of me which is a bit annoying. and i know that definitely sounds like Issues but it's just like#ugh not you too. please stop i'm sick of it i'm sick with it. i don't want you to be inspired by my awful life and how i handled it#and i have nothing to say for it but... *gestures vaguely* of all of this
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suffering...
#wanting to get back into H*H but cannot rp my girl charlie because I might get triggers on my doorstep like with the addicted mv#vent cw#it SUCKS I liked the show it was fun (even if there are a lot of criticisms I have for it)#like I cannot...interact with a character with my giant trigger that is not okay and I'd feel like a jerk being like 'if you rp character#pls don't interact' like bruh...it's just what the character did it's not you
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Self shipping is always the morally correct thing to do
#Listen to my problems#sometimes self shipping includes the slow and painful process of getting killed over amd over by your f/o thats okay youll get him#eventually. orrr herrrrr (motivational speaker voice).#let me think hm theres been three guys ive loved enough to be this crazy over. self shipping is always correct#if youre not self shipping thats okay but if you want to you should you should draw yourself vivisecting him while hes squealin and giggling#you should write about the two of you biting eavh other until you hit bone you should literally kill him with a knife and them cry over the#body and then bring him back to life and do it again just so you can cry over the body again#you have to grip him by the shoulders and spit in his fave and use all the things he trusted you with against him and you have to make him#hate you you have to make him unable to forgive you then you have to make him forgive you then you have to apologise to him#and then. ohh and then you hit him with all that shit again but make sure you quick save before that because he might not forgive you again#you need to make him swallow pennies before getting into the mri machine and you need yo tell him that itll be okay smd you both know hes#going to explode but he does it anyway because he knows youre going to bring him back and he fucking loves it he wants to do it#oh he doesnt just love it hes addicted to it he wants it to happen and youll make it happen for him youll force it to happen even if hes#begging you not to do it again you can make him do anything you want. you can make him hate you if you want. if thats what he likes. you can#do it for him and you can do it for yourself and you can do it even if you both dont want it to happen you can make him get on his knees and#beg and then you can do it anyway and you can make him so angry that he hurts you right back and you can let him end it and after that you#can do it all over again if you really wanted to ... anyway you self ship to scratch an itch i self ship to scratch an itch everybody wants#different things out of the fiction they consume .. we should get more character reacts when you say youre pregnant but kiryu would be like#um. (blushes) wait is it mine ? <- and you can tell him anything and he’d have to believe it#god i need to go to bed ... wish i was playing yakuza rn ......
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:D
#Like. i need a new mindset around weed cause I’m genuinely trying to demonize my actions cause like ‘ahhh drugs on a Thursday night’ but#genuinely this is a magical experience#because I was gonna lay in bed all night being SO MAD at my body for not working and being upset that I was tired and in pain#and instead I said well fuck. if I can’t do the homework I want because my body hurts anyway. might as well take weed#and I took 2.5mg of weed and 5mg of cbd. like that is a teeny tiny eeny weeny amount#and yes I can still feel my headache but mostly I’m disassociated from it. mostly I’m floating in the sky feeling calm and serene. and I’m#just reading fic. honestly haven’t even been enjoying it much although I think I just found one with some promise#but just. resting and being in bed with a calm mind rather than doing work and focusing on all the things I have to do.#weed turns my brain off and truly nothing else can. and I appreciate that. i truly need the unravel time. v#i act like it’s so noble to stay sober and make myself suffer but sometimes taking drugs is the only way for me to function and that’s okay#that’s not addict behavior that’s chronic pain#boom blogs high
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in other news i cannot stop fucking listening to Brokenheartsville by Joe Nichols and i’m starting to annoy myself with it but. i cannot stop. it’s too good
#Seven.txt#music stuff#it’s this perfect mix of being applicable to my current taste while also being a very nostalgic song for me#‘cause i liked it when i was a kid. and i recently heard it on my father’s radio outside. and man it’s been y e a r s since i’ve heard it#why is it so addictive to me#like. you cannot make a song that opens with the lyrics-#‘He wore that cowboy hat to cover up his horns. *insert seductive guitar sounds here* Sweet-talkin’ forked tongue had a temptin’ charm.’#and expect my southern and devil-loving ass to not go fucking feral over it#even when i’m not listening to it it’s playing in my head. was analyzing the lyrics the whole time i was in the shower earlier#but what’s funny is i think i’ve listened to it so many times that i’ve developed a whole new story than the one actually being told#but like. with how much he’s supposedly upset that this guy stole his girl or whatever#which i know he’s probably just comparing some dude to the devil and not actually saying that it was the Devil Himself#but it’s so much better if u picture it as actually being the devil that’s picking up this dude’s girlfriend in a bar#but anyways given how that’s supposed to be the point. he spends so much time describing the devil and ain’t got shit to say abt his girl#like okay buddy. we know you liked his cowboy hat. we know you liked his sweet-talkin’ tongue.#we’ve heard all about the make and model of his Long and Chrome Very Red Hot Sexy Devil Car#do u not have anything to say abt ur girlfriend. are u not gonna wax poetic abt her? no? too busy admiring the Devil and his Hot Car?? yeah#we’re gathering that#like.. brother… i dunno how to tell u this but i think u might wanna fuck him a lil bit#‘Love’s gone to hell and so have I.’ yeah!! i’m gathering that!! good for u dude!! get it!!#so now the whole time i’m listening to it i’m just like. this is a love song abt the devil!#which it isn’t. but it could be!! and so that’s what i’m choosing to see it as. bc i’d feel the same way tbh#i much prefer the idea of him being pissed that he missed his chance to run away w/ the devil than being pissy over his girlfriend leaving#it’s just so much more appealing to me im sorry#also. side note. when i was a kid i thought the line was ‘that angel up in the air’ and not ‘that angel who did me in’#and i don’t know how i misheard it so badly but now i sing it wrong every fuckign time cause it’s still cemented in my head from childhood#how young was i. hold on.#oh yeah it came out in 2002. so yeah i was quite young when i heard it a lot so i think im forgiven for mishearing it so badly lmao
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