#I have 0 friends and crippling adhd

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

Sometimes I just wish I could live in a cold and dark cave and just listen to music all day long

And just write an in depth analysis of everything I listen to and become incapable of doing anything else

[smol-forest-gremlin]

Search for friends and a caregiver!

DNI: NSFW/kink, maps/pedos, anti-lgbtq+, anti-agere, any form of racism, sexism, ablism and any other bigotry

Hello to those who have found this post or my blog! I’m in the process of re-dying my hair so as it sets I figured this would be a good time to make this post.

Honestly I felt like an attention seeker so I wasn’t sure I’d ever make this so please bear with me a bit!

First a little bout me, well hello my name is Gremlin. I am ftm and xenogender, my pronouns being he/him/xe/xem though I’m comfy with most other neos too! I’m almost 18, though I regress to the age range of 0-2. My regression plays a huge role in my life and impacts my personality, and comforts greatly. I regress mostly involuntarily due to trauma, stress, neurodivergency and mental health issues. I am autistic, have adhd, c-ptsd, ocd, anxiety and depression. These can be crippling but I do my best to cope and create an environment comfy for me. I dream about one day living in an little cottage home, with a reading nook and shelves lined in books, with a nursery/sensory room, garden and cats (I LOVE cats). Photography is my passion and hopefully I’ll have a business one day to celebrate life, nature, different cultures and identities. Thought I am going into school for forensic sciences. I’m a huge weeb. I love dnd and anime and my comfort character is Aizawa Shouta from bnha. I love to read an colour and take naps (I’m always tired and have a bit of a caffeine addiction). I love sea pancakes too! I love stuffies and pacis, cuddles, diapers, bottles and being held or coddled. I’m an easy and sensitive baby so honestly, loyalty and communication is very important to me. I have a very young headspace and it can be very vulnerable and isn’t always pretty. I’m not one for crowds or loud noises and honestly don’t like the sun or outside despite loving being connected to nature. I love the aquarium and books store… but never let me go alone or I buy all the books… I tend to present kinda goth with the occasional pastel but my heart lies in cottage/goblin core.

What I want in friends: Any gender or sexuality (but I’m most comfy with queer folk) and I’d love someone who has stuff in common with me. I love making friends with other neurodivergent people and finding those in the disabled community but they are not requirements. Please be 16 closer to 17+ though no older than 26 (dunno why 26 just brain saying good number??).

What I want in a cg: I have a lean towards masc people but I’m open to anyone. 17-23 only. Someone okay with diapers and baby space, who loves cuddles and will communicate. I have huge abandonment and attachment issues so please keep that in mind as I may be clingy. Please be kind, patient and gentle, don’t yell and check in on me through the day. I’m not great at taking care of myself and I forget stuff a lot.

I typed too much though I’m sure I have more to say later. If you’re interested in being my friend or cg message me here and thank you taking the time to read this. I’ve been feeling very lonely to the post it hurts and makes me sick so I hope to meet some wonderful people.

Thank you all and be safe, drink water and love yourself because I love you <3

[silvysartfulness]

I've gotten a whole bunch of new followers since I started making The Untamed content about a year ago, and I think it may be a good time to introduce myself and this blog to the newcomers.

Hi! ♥

I'm glad you find this chaotic mess entertaining enough to want to stick around!

That said, if you don't feel comfortable with who I am and/or what I post, just unfollow at any time, no explanations needed.

I'm Silvy, I'm a Fandom Old, 40+, and have been involved in online fandom since the late 90ies.

I'm neurodivergent, Aspie/ADHD and some spare change. I hyperfocus on things, and love to analyze fictional characters and tropes, especially things to do with the messiness and complexities of human nature and emotion. At the moment, as should be obvious, I live in the The Untamed universe, especially the Yi City corner. (You don't get emotions much messier and more complex than that!)

I have always been fascinated by ”villains” - the people who don't act like others do, who are different, and who hurt people, sometimes without meaning to. (Sometimes very much meaning to.)

I love redemption arcs. I've grown to realize there's a this recent phenomenon happening online where people claim certain fictional characters don't ”deserve” them. I think that's utter bullshit, and an extremely negative and destructive mindset to have. People should always have the chance to change and do better. Everyone makes mistakes. Some worse than others. But while no one ”deserves” forgiveness, unless it's freely given, everyone should have the chance to change, move on and be better.

I have always been fascinated by fiction as a medium to explore the messiness of humanity. Of how people hurt each other and heal each other and grow either way. The mess of who people end up loving, or hating, or - bittersweetly - both at once. In my opinion, that is the very purpose of fiction – the mirror held up to explore our own humanity, without suffering any of the negative consequences of reality. Yes, that includes the really problematic stuff. Yes, all the problematic stuff. Fiction is not reality.

I have 100% understanding for people who don't want to watch or read certain things – don't self-harm by engaging with content and creators that makes you angry and upset! I also have 0% patience with people demanding others conform to their particular standards of purity. It's everyone's responsibility to curate their own online experience. Haters will be blocked.

I'm queer (no, queer is not a slur.) Non-straight, asexual, married to another woman for 6 years now. I'd say a majority of my best friends are trans or otherwise non-cis. If you’re cis and find trans/non-binary/intersex/non-gender conforming etc people strange and frightening, by all means – stick around! I reblog quite a lot of trans-positive content. Maybe it'll offer insights! Any TERF-rhethoric will be blocked and shut down on sight, though. This is a safe space.

I'm Swedish. Socialism works. Just saying. 👍

These are simple facts – if any of the above is a dealbreaker, just click unfollow and everyone will probably be happier in the long run. :)

The less problematic stuff: I'm a professional illustrator, though currently on more or less permanent sick leave. Despite sometimes crippling social anxiety, I also ended up teaching art classes - Life Drawing and Concept Art - at the local university, and was often told I was one of their most popular and well-liked guest teachers. I'm self-taught as a writer, though I am a sponge when it comes to prose and language, so for any skills I have picked up over the years, I can only thank those whose works I have read throughout my life.

I like trying my hand at most creative crafts; painting, woodcarving, glasspainting, pewter pouring, looking to try out resins soon maybe..? I take tons upon tons of pictures. If you know me better, you have probably been exposed to my random ”Look at pretty thing X I saw today!” photo-assault. (It's a love language. ♥)

I used to study archaeology at university for years, before sidling over into a creative career as a museum-illustrator, and then onward to other projects from there. It's amazing what a 100.000+ year view on humanity will do for your sense of perspective! People are people. People have always been people. We are all one people - and diversity in culture, ethnicity and language is one of the most beautiful arts of our human race. Our differences and samenesses always to be equally celebrated. (Now if we could only get better at looking back and learn from previous civilizations' mistakes so we'd stop repeating them...)

I like cats. And betta fish. And purple roses (I used to collect purple rose cultivars, before I got too fatigued to be able to take care of my garden properly. Some still live! Rhapsody In Blue is a trooper, if you want a really hardy purple rose! They can even live in pots, if you don't have a garden.)

(See, I told you I could never resist a chance to share a photo...)

I am very, very forgetful. I got my neurodivergence diagnoses very late in life, and by then my brain was so burned out, it's permanently damaged. Fatigue, memory problems and concentration issues are things I always struggle with. If I ghost you, it's not because I'm upset or dislike you – I either missed your message, or forgot about it, or just didn’t know what to say. I'm sorry. I'm trying my best. ♥

I believe in kindness.

I try to be kind and understanding, and meet others with patience. It's taken me a lifetime fraught with generous amounts of trauma to learn to feel strong, comfortable and mostly at peace with myself, and I have very little interest in conflict or drama.

That's about it, Silvy all summed up.

Wishing all you a happy weekend!

[arsonthedumbass]

Hello there fellow human being :0

Do you like TMS Mexico, and if so do you have any HCs for it?

[heavy breathing] no not at all (it's the only thing i think about.)\

Alrighty well I have a LOT of hcs throughout seasons so I'll just give some hcs for the finalists (excluding conejo and monstruo)

Camaleon :] -Gay n Ace -Doesn't like being touched -Hold hands? Nah bitch grab the tail -Save him -best friends with lechuza n cebra. do not separate them. -Also friendly w the winners :]

Lechuza :] -Lesbian -When she's angry/flustered, her feathers puff up :] -Flutters her wings when happy :] -When she's pissed off she makes a lil "brrrr" sound -LOVES dresses, they make her feel pretty :] -besties w camaleon and cebra. do not separate them.

Cebra :] -Bi -Very not Ace -wink -i don't have much for him I only know he's Bisexual and a whore and that he's dating an Ace person

Disco Ball :] -Bi -Wh(Disc)ore -Sassy! -Coffee may be Krokodil (RUS)'s friend but alcohol is hers -She pole dances and has a cane what more could you want -Besties w Mapache and the winners :] (glares angrily at snowy and toon) Besties.

Mapache :] -Lesbian -Did you know the big bang theory is a show abo -"Is this implying Mapache watches the big bang theory" Yes it is and yes she does I will not elaborate -Her lesbian awakening was penny

(I'm excluding Oso because I literally have nothing for him KFKKFKF SORRY)

Apache :]]]]]]]]]]] -Bi n Trans -Heavy anxiety and depression -He wears a mask with a smile for hours at a t -Apologizes a lot, even when they tell him it's fine -C-PTSD -I'm sorry I was doing my best to exclude ships but I can't just not bring up Sapo here Apache and Sapo are husbands your honor -Apache n Sapo have an adopted daughter named Felicita (they call her Patches though) :] -He LOVES sweaters -Likes matching sweaters w Hueva and Fennec -Best friends with Hueva and Fennec btw do Anything to any of them and the other two will go apeshit -And if you hurt 2. Run. -Him and his mom have some. Stuff -ADHD -Attachment issues -Can you tell I'm self projecting onto him because he's my favorite -People (Fennec, Hueva, Sapo, Disco) call him Kal (bc his real name is Kalimba :])

Zorro Fennec :] -Lesbian -Very very VERY protective over Apache and Hueva. They're HER besties -Fennec is like that one stubborn dad that just won't say yes -"Fennnnn I have a new boytoy-" "What." -If you haven't noticed her nickname is Fenn -Likes free clothing. Doesn't care what it is, she just likes to be free -Speaking of being free she ran away from home to study black magic and become a pirate at a young age leaving apache alone and guess how he got his literally crippling anxiety -Apache and Hueva are her best friends separate them and perish

Hueva :] -Non-bi-nary (get it get it bc they're nb and bisexual do you get it get i -Very loving n caring n supporting -has a pet platypus they stole from a zoo -its name is perry -They love Phineas and Ferb, Perry is their favorite character -Cosplaying is their passion -You don't know how many times Hueva has tried to get Apache and Fennec to cosplay with them (every time they've said no) -Do I need to tell you hueva, apache, and fennec are best friends ever again -No but I should -Besties with Apache and Fennec separate them and die

[oraclememehacker]

I’m going to shill a little bit and gauge reaction here! Cause I can of course. Here are my OC’s that I’ve created over the past years and a little explanation about them.

Adelina Fincher: Age 34, My Ace Attorney OC

She’s a prosecutor for the district of Los Angeles but didn’t originally live there. Her parents are Katherine and Victoria Fincher, highly regarded actors and noted perfectionists. As a kid she was emotionally neglected and abused by her parents who never found anything that she did good enough. This lead her to be more closed off and barely made any friends because she was too busy trying to please her unpleasable parents.

She wanted to be a prosecutor growing up because of law shows but her parents insisted she become an actor like they were and she learned a lot about playing a role because of them. However, she eventually convinced them that she would go to college and get her law degree, and that they would help pay for it. On one condition. She’d get a 4.0 GPA. And she did! At the expense of her social life again aside from 1 friend. But when she graduated she was saddled with a ton of debt because her parents were broke and were going after her for money.

She is straight forward, honest and doesn’t hold anything back. She is also sharp witted and is able to figure out things about people when they are holding back from her. She also has a crippling addiction to pepsi and drinks a 12 pack during court. It takes her a while to warm up to people because of trust issues (her parents betrayed her, she’s had others betray her and so on). But if you break her shell she is very friendly and cracks all sorts of puns and jokes.

Elly Lane: Age 25, a trans female OC

Growing up in San Diego California well before she came out as trans, Elly lived a relatively normal life, though her parents were highly religious. One time as a joke she was forced to wear a dress as a humiliation tactic and she found that she actually found it quite comfortable and that was the start to her becoming trans, though it would be a long time before she realized what it meant. As she grew up, she wore dresses more and more, having to hide them from the prying eyes of her parents who were convinced that she was mentally ill and needed to be subjected to some form of conversion therapy.

Elly took refuge behind a computer screen and is a massive fan of anime and manga. Her favorite Anime/manga of all time is a made up for her anime series called Princess Rikako, a series about a Princess with the ability to shape shift into whatever she wanted, albeit with more realistic limitations to it in terms of being able to change back. It was also a big part of what made her come out as trans. In person she is soft spoken and quick to emotional outbursts, usually tears because getting overwhelmed emotionally is very easy to happen to her.

Online though she is argumentative and defensive of her favorite shows. Japan and it’s culture are her favorite things and she has spent years learning to speak and write and read Japanese on her own, and while she’s not perfect, she was able to go to Japan on vacation and that’s when she eventually came out as trans. In the rp universe I have with her on discord she met up with Ren/Akira and Futaba in Akihibara and eventually became friends with the phantom thieves, and was able to get a job at Leblanc Cafe and stay in Japan whilst working towards her naturalized citizenship. And is currently in the midst of transitioning.

Valerie Mable, Age 33. My buff girl OC

Growing up in Minneapolis Minnesota Valerie grew up to a relatively poor family who didn’t have much to their name and as a result she valued food because it was scarce. However there come a point where her family ran across a large sum of money and her life turned around instantly. No longer was food and essentials something that had to be treasured but instead it was something that she could just have whenever. That resulted in her eating a lot and gaining a lot of weight. Even though she is 6′0 she was seen as very fat, being over 350 lbs at one point in her life.

She wanted to be a lawyer, a defense attorney and ended up going to the same college that Adelina did and she considered Adelina her only friend there, and was defended against when her weight was used for bullying. Despite being roomates with Adelina the two didn’t talk as much as expected and when Valerie graduated she didn’t even get to say goodbye to her friend. She went on a mission to lose weight and ended up developing anorexia as a result and nearly dying having lost a ton of weight in such a short period of time.

Afterwards she got her life back together and devoted herself to fitness where she became the buff fitness guru that she is today. She is a defense attorney in the district of Minneapolis and holds herself in high esteem, and will put your ass to work if she feels that you need a good workout. She is open about her jealousy towards other women and seeing buff women was the reason why she became so fit in the first place.

Leiko Enomoto, Age 23, my crazy destruction filled OC

Currently going to the same college that Makoto Nijima is, she is currently working on her degree to become an architectural designer. Her goal is to create the tallest structure in the world and she already has a mockup in blender to show this design. Plus she has worked on designs for buildings like big bang burger. As a kid she was rambunctious and a hard time for her parents but she was still loved regardless. Part of this was because of her then undiagnosed ADHD.

When she was little she played around in her father’s workshop and had a hot piece of iron fall on her face and that created a permanent crescent moon shaped scar on her face. She is reckless and often gets herself injured for various reasons. Her parents were killed in a burglary gone wrong and she was sent to live with her grandparents who did their best to take care of her despite her ways. Eventually she was diagnosed with ADHD but by then she was just seen as a nuisance by a lot of people. And she played into that, cursing and swearing a lot, dying her hair multiple colors, the picture has her with rainbow colors but she also does warm and cool colors depending on her mood.

She is a tinkerer by nature, working on such things as a custom battery for a power wheels jeep, a custom vibrator (she is really open about her sexualness and is a proud bisexual, she’ll talk about using her toys out in the open) a potato cannon and a flamethrower. Her tinkering keeps her mind occupied along with the work she does in blender for buildings. She loves explosions and watches action flicks just for the destruction.

These are my OC’s that I’ve made since 2017 and I want to know if anyone is interested in me doing a blog with them! I’ve been rping with them with my SO for a long time now (Leiko is my newest) and been a really enjoyable time. If I need to I will put this in a readmore because this post is rather long. Thanks for reading if you had the attention span to do so! And please ask if you have any questions.

[anestheticrage]

Be me: Japanese honor student🎓, 15, with half a brain and even less of a plan. Hunting bitches by day and witches by night. Livin that dank only child✌️ life while mom n dad yeet all over the globe, leavin me plenty of time to forget not to make 2 lunches for myself #quirky 😜

no time for socialization or basic electronics skills ???📱??? when your best friends are an alien demon rabbit🐰👽 and the inexplicable Hole ™ in your brain. lmao, btw did i mention im ✨M���A✨G✨I✨C✨A✨L✨

dreamin bout my 2D waifus again when familiar pink haired cancer patient dances through my brain passin out fliers: Kamihama Meguca Dating Service: Sponsored by Cult of the Magius. 250 stones per session 🤔

seems legit, Mr. Moneybags. wasn't spending my unwieldy sack of gemstones on anything else anyway. lets pull 💎💎💎

first up we have Redhead Radagast and her plethora of plants. 🌿☺️🦎

anndd, nearly dies immediately. 

well not off to a great start but i guess shes pretty cute at lea- oh FUCK its her girlfriend, Tsundere Poseidon😒🔱💦, and their exasperated, straight and single Sword Mom 😔🗡️🔥. fml gonna have to save up for the next pull. might as well play a few rounds with what i got tho. 

get in some good girl talk about things like school, color coded hair styles, body count, permanent soul damage, and our personal demon pacts. ya know, the usual 😚 . realize my dark backstory seems to be missing, so the girls take me to Ketchup Queen Sappho 🍅🥧 (wtf?) to molest my glowy egg stone. whatevs, more action than ive had since Kuroe 🖤 got added to the story anyway

the gang agrees it's time to hunt down the cutest rabbit pimp 🕶️🐇💵 in the city. >> say 🎵mukyuuu🎵 one more time and ill hug you so hard my backstory will pop right out, you adorable fluffy bastard. plz be my new best friend 💕

Form brand new friendship pact with Kyubae, and remember that my lil Sis 🐥 was always the best wingman for pickin up magic chicks, and kept her side of the room so spotless i forgot she existed. whoops 乁༼☯‿☯✿༽ㄏ Maybe if I find her i can stop paying these exorbitant pull fees.📵💎

speaking of which: hot damn this week's featured bachelorette is a 19 year old model and magical detective🔎 with massive levels of PTSD and self loathing 🥵💙💦 more likely to stab you or dramatically jump off a rooftoop than utter a single positive comment. wow, maybe i really COULD find true love…

... if i had MORE THAN A 1% FUCKING DRAW CHANCE. 😡 smh

hard to make much progress finding sis or winning the broken heart of a hard boiled detective amidst the never ending lover's quarrel of the Trident Vine Lesbians. 💔 Sword Mom tells them if they don't behave a monster will take them away. LOL classic mom 🤣

>>>HOLY FUCK IT DID

declare all-out war on urban legends, starting with staircases ⚔️ to reunite the dysfunctional trio, and hope that I net a way better lineup with the next 10x pull. at least sad sleuth lady came to help out. they say combat is the best way to bond wi-   and there she goes off the rooftop again 🙄 fml

alright that got way off track, we need a fresh start, away from all the loli drama. how bout a little B&E🔓🔨🤷🏻‍♀️ at the local house of worship to clear my head. ahh nothing like the unanswered prayers of the masses to get you in the mood for another wasted pull, and the 🔥 MIGHTIEST 🔥 headache you could ask for with a side of Double Cooked Pork 🐖🍜 (meh 5/10🧾)

venture forth into the spiritual unknown with your new human flamethrower🔥🌻🧡 and ask your favorite private eye to please, for the love of Eve, trade Meguca accounts with me~~~ Head through the eastern spirit portal to meet up with hologram propaganda sis and detective crush's evil ex, who joined a dating-app cult (#fuck) and also turned into the moon?🌕?(that's rough buddy)

get ambushed by Acid Horse on Wheels 🌈🐴 and vomit up my soul so hard that its time for a crossover episode. T U R F F F   W A R R R *que operatic harmonies* 💛 Blondie with the hair drills and enough attitude and guns to fill up a noble phantasm tries to ban my account permanently, but PI heartthrob denies her admin privileges. aww babe i didn't know you cared. 😭♥️

get kidnapped by my new true love and go back to her place 😏  defs enough empty rooms to house five emotionally traumatized girls and at least two ghosts hehehe👻 XD 💚🃏💜🎸 decide to form the anti-gossip brigade and recruit my blazing sunflower after getting ambushed by the witch living in my fruit loops🥣

❌outvoted 2:1 that cults are bad. mf. fiinneee one last pull to round out the team and then I'll delete the app. cmonnn Karin 🎃~

OH HELL YEAH TWO FOR ONE.

Always wanted a daughter 💜🔨🐄 with a penchant for pissing off the local Martial Arts & Books Club and drinking suspicious liquids offered by total strangers. Well if it's good enough for her AND the sexy mayadere with enough game to seduce a mermaid, might as well get in on that myself. 

#curseddrank 🤢 0/24 would not recommend to a friend, 'cept maybe Ria

win alot of cash 🤑, blow up a fountain, meet the pied piper²🎶🖕, moon cult, monochrome feathers, something about liberation✊🏻; adopt temper tantrum cow girl. aces 💜🥩

Next up!!! skydiving with DJ Hammer! Jump to apparently-not-certain death after suicidal A.I. 💚💾🗼 tells you to rescue her hostage before they run out of Radiohead albums and have to move on to Thom Yorke's solo discography. save the invisible shield kitten 💚👑😿 from happiness and get chased through the internet by the sexiest homicidal Paint Pallette 💚🎨😈 since Caravaggio. (apparently green is the color of the digital apocalypse. i’m deleting Kako from my friend's list)

that’s it, fuck this app. 250 stones 💎 per-life-threatening-experience is more than i’m willing to deal with 😓 don’t wanna mess with the perfect nuclear family anyway. we've already got: 

✔️the two emotionally traumatized moms with memory and commitment issues

✔️the adhd daughter with anger management problems and a giant hammer

✔️the psychologically abused scizophrenic cat

✔️and the eccentric aunt with crippling anxiety

#squadgoals

now that were done hoarding bitches, its time to hunt the witches. and the bitches makin the witches. btw did i mention the witches ARE the bitches! AND WERE ALL GOING TO DIE!? 📽️⁉️💀 wait fuck lets back up a second

This is Nemo📕 and Token🧪 and they have all the answers but prefer if you only ask vague questions in exchange for vague responses so they can fill in the rest by discussing their superior intellect 🧠 at length. not to mention they built that dating app, so of course everyone in my harem decides to be a FUCKING. TRAITOR.🤬

cept waifu prime ofc 🥰💙. [PTSD > brainwashing] 'yOu CaN bE tHe LeAdEr NoW'. i have been from the very beginning you traumatized Hinedere nightmare. maybe if you weren't so caught up collecting surrogate daughters you would've noticed IM👏THE👏ONLY👏 ONE👏PROGRESSING👏THE FUCKING👏PLOT✨

rescue the rest of dysfunctional found-family™ from selves before my adorable firebender burns down Disnihama🎡🔥😱 during her weekly anxiety attack. (love the makeover T B H) 

CHAPTER 8: Magical Girl Massacre🩸🗡️

   - everyone has like, the shittiest day ever

   - the new Pope really needs to be extradited from the church

   - make friends with a really pretty tree 🌺🌲✨

i swear, if i don't finish this god damn story in time to get that free pull im gonna beat the shit out of every mirror i find in that giant mansion that i haven't even had any time to even mention yet. 🖕🏚️ let alone EVERYTHING happening with the prequel [fuck you, I'm the star] girls 💗💜💙💛❤️️ and their multidimensional melodrama. We don't need that many repetitive af episodes to emphasize that Homo-ra is a shitty person. we've all seen Rebellion. 🙄

NO, I DONT CARE IF YOU WANT SAPPHO'S BACKSTORY, I ONLY HAVE 79 STONES LEFT AND IF YACHAN FINDS OUT I HAVEN'T DELETED THE APP YET IM GONNA HAVE TO GO SLEEP IN WITH SANA 😭💎💸😠

uhhhggggg where were we… Topple a cult and burn down Hotel Denoument only to realize that Sis was fused with the dating app servers this entire madokafuckin time (told ya she was the best wingman 😊). 

Dilemma: Sis =🥚, Triumvirate of Trouble want 🐣. What do? vote now:

Help Hatch - IIIIIII

Not Do That - IIIII

What The Actual Fuck Is Going On - IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Lets just fight everyone until something good happens.

🔥🔫🔥🗡️🔥😱🔥🌆🔥😱🔥🛡️🔥💣🔥

Kill (???) the artist-in-chief of the italian reindeer murder police after teaching her the true meaning of Christmas 🎄 hatch 🐣lil Sis and realize she WAS your wingman all along🐰 MUKYUUUU! we're just gonna ignore how much trouble it would have saved if you'd just mentioned that. "yOu DiDnT aSk..." 

FUCK YOU SPACE BITCH. ONCE AN INCUBATOR ALWAYS AN INCUBATOR 🖕🐇🔪

anywho, somewhere along the lines we of course summoned the Antichrist ⚙️ because why not raise the stakes to max and still not kill off a single character. Madofuckinkami, can we PLEASE wrap this up. 😩💤

feathers (not the culty kind, tfm) rain from the sky, and the power of friendship and not having the Urobutcher 🔪🩸as a lead writer saves our peacefully sectioned off alternate reality 😇

TL:DR fuck cults, real life waifus DO exist, don't sell your soul to space rabbits, or your stones to megacorporations. Enjoy arc 2 on the JP server with your shitty translation patch you filthy fuckin weebs 

Yours Truly, 

- Thirsty Weeb Eroha 💗💎😘 

[screamingsilence]

Ramblings of a Very Lonely Nobody

Cliffsnots - Single Mom battling C-PTSD while taking care of her Mom and 3 kids desperately wanting to buy a home for family, yet crippled by student loan debt that allowed her to get a decent job after horrific divorce from extremely abusive husband who took everything including her ability to cope, form attachment, and relationships with other people - resulting in her continued detachment and self isolation.    ((#ouch I wrote this part at the end - after the below - very accurate and well worded but sucks to read.)) 

I'm used to this. Desperately used to this. Quiet, silence, ringing in my ears. Obviously that was from way too many concerts. Don't get too excited though, I went to those alone. Or with a concert buddy that I met offline. I did this to myself. Years of terrible coping skills followed by years of disconnect and disassociation - have lead to fight or flight skills that should be taught in military combat schools. I could definitely teach young women every person Red Flags of relationships and the do's and dont's. I can also help anyone draft up an excellent escape plan if needed? What I cannot do is form attachments / relationships / connections - to anyone. I cannot develop safe spaces and spiritually healthy interpersonal connections with anyone. 

From the inside looking out: everyone is a danger. Every word out of anyone's mouth is a way to hurt, manipulate, gaslight, damage, get the upper foot, belittle, betray, and/or save information to use against me and black mail me. -- Am I a bad person? Nope. Do I do things that are blackmail worthy? Nope. 

I go to work, come home, play with my kids, help them with school work, attempt not to throw the 13 year old off a cliff (damn teenage years), cuddle the 11 year old (she's going through a stage where she is afraid of her own shadow - poor thing) and listen to the 8 year old talk, and talk, and talk -- (and talk - and talk - Autism, w/adhd and a day of online school = a lot of talking when I get home).Years of moving around as a child - Military Brat, followed by years of being cheated on, and then an extremely abusive marriage, and a drawn out divorce, and being forced to cooperant with my abuser ... I created a bubble. The bubble was to protect the kids and me. It worked - really well. I tried so hard to do everything to keep us safe. And in return, they have thrived, and I have not. 

Aside from my work - which struggles on the social / popularity side. And lets face it - when you are a women in the workforce - you have to have the popular vote to get anywhere. Not just looks, but the popular vote. It really doesn't matter how well you work, how good your work ethic is, you must look good and be really sociable. So that part is a real struggle for me.

So, here I am. 1245 AM, lonely. About to be 33, absolutely NO friends. (Not even exaggerating anymore). I am a divorced, single woman with 3 children. I support my unwell mother, in one of the most expensive cities and once my savings run out out (hopefully I can stretch it another few months) we are looking at homelessness. But because I technically make "too much money" ((still less than 40k)) I don't qualify for anything. The degree of abuse and torture I have endured in my life puts me in a place were any sort of relationship for the sake of the kids / for the sake of owning a home / or a better rental or anything is out of the question. Every time I try to date - I panic. I can feel the strangulation all over again. I had EMDR - It really helped. I was able to function again. I was able to work and take care of my children again. I was able to recall the memory and not full on black out from the panic. 

But, I am no closer now than I was back then to being able to be with anyone. And this is 10 years later.  But sometimes I do wonder - If i could just suck it up - If i could just gather the courage and strength - or maybe there was a different medication I could be on - I could meet someone and make it to the point where we could be sort of happy and get a home? The kids --- I want to give them so much better than I had. After the divorce I knew I needed to do something to make sure they had a good life. I enrolled in college. But I was so young and didn't have any real role models. I was taken for the fool that I was. As I write this I am 89k in student loan debt. It really wont matter how much money I make. I wont ever be able to pay that back. Each year I do the repayment options and each year the gov't tells me I don't make enough money to pay them back. So they put me in the Income repayment bracket and I pay $0. Rumor has it, If I don't default on that for 30 years - My Loans will go away. So In 30 years I can buy a home. That hurts. So Much. 

Make better choices, do better, stupid people get what they deserve, you chose this path, its what you wanted, you get what you deserve. I worked so hard when I was younger. I was so smart. I tried so hard to be everything. I had plans, I had it all mapped out. 

When we were younger - I was asked to stop college to help my brother who had been accepted to an amazing University that my parents were having a hard time paying for. I had chosen to go to a local community college and was paying my way and was going to do the transfer program and that transfer program could have been full ride depending on my grades and grants etc. I quit school. I started working. So my parents could send that money to my brothers school. I had dropped out of highschool, gotten my GED and enrolled into college by 17. ((Military brat - credits didn't transfer and the new highschool was trying to consider me a freshmen. I was in college from 17-18. I was not having any of it). 

By 18 I was working full time to help keep my brother in College. By 19 I was pregnant. by 20 I was pregnant with #2. By 21 I was married. My life spiraled so fast out of control. It took me years to get the logistics of it back on track. By 26 I had 2 college degrees. A good job field. By 28 I realized Something maybe was broken inside of me. By 29 it was more and more apparent but I was becoming really engaged in my kids and my work life. 30-31 I started to focus on my body and my work and my kids. Enter 32 // Covid / Work / Kids / less physical health. Here we are - 33 right around the corner. Crippling Student Loan debt. Zero Friends. 4 Humans Depending on me. I have a pill case. One of those AM/PM ones. People at work report me for RBF. (That one makes me laugh a little).

I just bared my soul to strangers on Tumblr. Is this not the epitome of lonely? 

(Not suicidal)This is probably more cathartic than anything. Maybe?