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johannwolfgangvongoethe · 1 year

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Reading Umineko for fun and profit? hopefully?

multiple of my twitter mutuals love this game and talk about it all this time. and it looks really interesting, doesnt it, despite its incredibly intimidating length.

so, there is very little going in that i know about! and i am excited to experience it. :) (assuming i can fight my way through the whole thing) apparently they are all on an island. and someone dies. or something like that. if you are around people who love the game, it is inevitable to know some of the main characters, at least on a surface level. there is obviously beatrice, the woman in the painting, who my (similarily clueless friend) once called "the joker for trans women", which accurately describes her vibes. (i mean this in the most positive way. i am on the edge of my seat) otherwise i really only know battler because of his stupid name (its like hes a shonen protagonist - he has to BATTLE. FIGHT MAN) and the two girls who frequently get drawn alongside each other (the blond and the blue one) that aside, i had the vague mind to ask my friend for specific content warnings i usually look out for and they arent actually in there! even though my friend described the game as "well, in theory, umineko needs a bucket full of content warnings but if i were to list them like an encyclopedia, it would spoiler half of the thing" (great sign)

anyway, so i will write whatever thoughts i have about it. this absolutely will involve spoilers. the version i have is english and has newer sprites. (sort of sad, i actually genuinely think the original round boxxing glove artstyle has an incredible amount of personality to it and despite being wonky, the facial expressions are great)

intro + opening

kinzo in his musty dusty study talks to danjo, his doctor. despite them being friends, their relationship as a doctor and resisting patient is likened to a game of chess. and kinzo is obviously losing. i really like the analogy. his struggle with alcohol and health and his inability to improve his habits are direct moves against his friends medical advise. yet he is also framed as a very wealthy character, a king of sorts. so either way, whether he lives (the doctor convinces him) or dies (he succumbs to alcoholism), the king is lost. is this purposeful? who knows. really paints a picture of him though; there is nothing he wishes to write in his will, he needs no advise, he is actively destroying himself, and he wont leave any inheritance. so adding to his physical health, he really isnt doing well mentally, huh... makes me wonder How Much Of his sickness is related to drinking. it seems like something else is going on, too. him dying to alcoholism would paint a different picture than him being terminally ill and choosing to end his life this way (while still suffering from alcoholism but! you know). maybe then the lost king makes sense - he is lost either way, but he could still choose to make a few last good moves. also he made some sort of contract with beatrice and she has him wrapped around her pinky. well, we shall see.

this line specifically does not seem to bode well. beatrice what are you going to do to those people.

also i didnt watch the opening. my friend told me to watch this one instead :) good music

episode 1, part 1

battler has less dignity to him than i thought. idk what i expected. his name really is that stupid. he is a bit cringe but adorable nonetheless.

Both groups are at the top of my must-kill list. george is voiced by suzumura...

free space for those who know about my affliction of being a lavi d.gray-man fan. sometimes i can still hear his voice. his glasses do the scary anime villain thing. for now he is very nice, though i am fully expecting some bait and switch for his personality.

anyhow. some more notes:

does battlers upside down cross zipper mean anything??????? i like to imagine hes just a bit chuuni.

everyone in the family has that silly little emblem on their clothing

jessica is an instant fave for me personally bc of how she speaks

eva and natsuhi have some incredible beef going on in the back. love the toxicity going on here. both of them already seem like there is a lot to them, just from the first expressions

there is also some obvious conflict between the servants and the ushiromiya family and also... just between the servants, which is most visible in kanon

apropos. kanon transgender? eyebrow lift

so grandpa beat his kids and grandkids with his own fists and wooden sword. AND his hobby is dark magic. damn

the family is unwell, it seems

i have to strangle battler with my own two hands

the family introduction is very cute and they seem very lively and real, like an endearing bunch. battlers internal monologue is very on point for an 18yo. so sorry about whatever is going to happen. also are their weird western sounding names and the architectures of the guesthouse related to their patriachs obsession with beatrice? (points at her.... white woman.... i think) i wonder how the flight attendants knew how to pronounce all that. its funny to imagine the staff took little notes on it when they checked in.

knowing battler is a mamas boy is a very interesting little bit of info. "father issues damage you but mother issues rewrite your dna" or however that post goes. i absolutely believe in this. its horrifying. knowing battlers mother died and then he lived with his grandparents AND THEN THOSE DIED TOO. GIVE HIM A BREAK!!!! ..... wait this game is about mysterious murders isnt it. oh god.

we are informed there used to be a torii on the coastline of the island but it got destroyed by a lightning. ominous. maria also reacts to this. kumasawa wants to elaborate further on local myths but jessica stops her. there are also no seagulls (ah.... namedrop) to be seen anywhere. lets put a pin in all that for now. children with promonitions are a common trope after all.

now this is a bit of a personal thing but the fact they have a rose garden in full bloom on october is ridiculous. and youre trying to tell me they smell too, despite obviously being modern crossbreeds? get real.

welp. glass shatters. the clock strikes 12 o'clock. thats where im pausing the notes for now.

all that said, dont you think spending that much time talking about how much battler wants to touch his cousins boobs was strange :( dont you think

#seagullposting

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yandere-daze · 2 years

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Okay, i was watching a documentary about the dark side of k-pop industry and I was thinking- what if the player is a famous kpop star? Like sure they have adoring fans, pretty looks and money but it doesn't out weigh the cost. They are playing ensemble star because its the ideal version of being an idol, their escape from reality. What are the reactions of the characters and how would they react on the unhealthy and toxic working environment that the player is working in?

Oh yeah, there´s plenty of bad things happening in the idol scene even today, I´m not surprised. I´m actually not familiar with kpop or the industry in general so I apologize if my descriptions aren´t 100% accurate, it´s mostly just things I´ve heard others talk about

gn reader

tw yandere, mention of unhealthy dieting, mention of murder

How would the characters react if the player was a famous kpop star? (Yandere! Self-aware Enstars AU)

Well, the first thing we need to think about is how they would even find out about the player being an idol as well. Maybe once they have been aware for some time, some of the idols with technological knowledge might have tried to mess with the coding to somehow get into your phone. Maybe they managed to turn on your phone´s microphone while you´re playing the game without you noticing?

Now they can actually hear your voice, you sound so lovely! They love listening to all the little comments you make while playing, they feel even closer to you than before, now that they know what you sound like.

They´re stunned when they can hear you sing along to the songs while playing lives, some almost stumbling because they´re so surprised. Sure, your speaking voice was already music to their ears but now they found out that your singing is akin to that of an angel? They´re even more in love with you now ( as if that was even possible)!

Then, one day when you´re especially stressed out by your work as an idol, you lay down on your bed and open up the game as a means to try and wind down a bit. As you navigate the game, you kind of start ranting about your day and your work in general, feeling a bit silly for venting to a game but not seeing anything wrong with it.

Meanwhile, in the game, they´re freaking out a bit. So you´re some idol as well in your world and have a lot of fans? Well, it only makes sense that a lot of people would adore you but that doesn´t mean that they aren´t at least a little bit jealous. Why can´t they attend your concerts and listen to your songs like that? These fans probably aren´t appreciating you like they are, but especially jealous yanderes like Ritsu or Natsume definitely don´t like that so many people are watching you daily. Your lovely singing voice should only be reserved for them!

They do get sad when they listen to your stories about how tough being an idol actually is. I´m sure a lot of them can relate to that feeling, they´ve also been through some of the same stuff. You don´t sound very happy and nothing breaks their heart more/ enrages them.

Well, of all the unhealthy practices in the kpop industry, they´re actually kind of happy about the ban on dating anyone. It´s obviously not fair and cruel to you, but they can´t help but want to be a little selfish for once. At least with this, they won´t have to worry about you finding a significant other in your world one day and then completely abandoning them.

But they´re absolutely enraged about all the other shitty things you have to go through. The harsh training, sky-high expectations, forced unhealthy dieting, and the hectic schedule every day, all while having to put on a happy front. It makes them sick to think that you have to go through something like that when you deserve so much better! How can these people not see how immensely talented you are and how they´re not even worthy to order you around like that? It makes their blood boil, honestly.

Your producers should be glad that the enstars characters can´t reach them, Yuzuru, Madara, Ibara, and Kohaku are feeling pretty murderous right about now.

Instead, you may get some unique lines ingame, like a sweet “You´re always doing so well!” from Hajime or an “I´m so proud of all the work you´ve been doing. Please remember to take some breaks from time to time nonetheless” from Nazuna.

They all wish they could physically be there for you and properly comfort you, maybe even take you away ( read: kidnap) you from all those horrible people and instead let you live a comfortable life at their side. Maybe one day they´ll figure out a way to you to their world!

#ensemble stars #ensemble stars self aware au #yandere ensemble stars #yandere self-aware au #self aware au #yandere ensemble stars x reader #enstars #enstars x reader #ensemble stars x reader #yandere self-aware ensemble stars au #gn reader #yandere #cw yandere #cw murder #yandere enstars

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dirt-cup-draco · 3 years

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Cedric Diggory x Reader- Due Time

Hello! Is it okay if I request something with Cedric with a Hufflepuff!Reader (or any house of your choice ) where cedric really likes the reader and leaves notes/love letters for her anonymously and reader is just really skeptical about it and weeks after that he wants to meet up and just fluff? Idk work your magic, do what's more necessary, I love you!

“That’s the third one in two weeks, isn’t it?” Hannah giggled, leaning over your shoulder as Susan peaked at the letter for just a moment before returning to her laid-back position in the arm chair she had claimed was hers on this rainy Sunday afternoon.

“Mhmm,” You confirmed, eyebrows drawn to the center of your forehead as you wondered who could possibly be sending these over-the-top declarations of adoration. It wasn’t so much the contents that were over-the-top, but the fact that the letters hadn’t stopped coming since October and you were edging your way into April. The writing was unfamiliar to you even though you’d been sneaking glances at as many people’s essays and notes- anything that would give you a hint, really- as you could.

The first letter had come to you on one of the worst days of your life. You felt at the time that it had been a friend anonymously sending you something just to cheer you up. The contents had been kind, generous even, but friendly and you hadn’t seen it is a love letter.

Y/N, it had read, the sun has gone missing with the summer months but I don’t miss it much when I see you smile. Take care.

It had been more of a note than a letter but it had still been folded neatly and left in an envelope. Somehow it had found it’s way into your bag and it was part of the reason you had assumed that either Hannah or Susan had left it. Even Hermione had been a thought. You were older than the Gryffindor but you two often studied together and she always seemed to know how to cheer you up when you entered the library looking more like a dark cloud than a person.

However, you had inquired with every friend, hoping you could find them and thank them somehow, but everyone had denied it- even going as far as to show you their handwriting when you felt at a loss for finding your anonymous bit of belief. After that, the note had morphed into letters and the words read more like a love-sick poet than a friend offering support on your hardest days.

“Why’ve you always got to frown Y/N?” Hannah pouted, bottom lip wobbling. “It’s just so lovely and you look like someone has sent you a ransom letter instead. They haven’t got anyone hostage, they just think you’re cute,”

“No, they think she’s ‘brighter than a summer sun and more beautiful than spring’s first bloomed rose’” Susan giggled from her seat, shooting you a wink as the apple of your cheeks grew warm.

“I’m not frowning,” You scowled at Hannah, disproving your point immediately, “I would just like to meet them. Their letters are very kind but it’s been months now and I’ve begun to wonder if they will actually ever speak to me,”

Hannah couldn’t seem to argue with this so you folded up the most current letter and shoved it into your bag as the bell tolled and reminded you that you needed to run halfway across the castle to make it to your next class. With a goodbye thrown over your shoulder, you vanished out of the room.

Cedric hadn’t been eavesdropping, he’d just been conveniently in the common room with you as you opened the letter that he had enchanted to float into your bag as you focused on McGonagall in transfiguration. He made the letter float laps around the classroom, out of the professors sharp and watchful eye, to make sure that no one could say where the letter originated from if Y/N inquired about it.

He couldn’t help but smile as he watched your cheeks go rosy with Susan’s painfully accurate quote from his letter and he felt a bit embarrassed himself but he couldn’t regret it. He meant every word and you ought to be told as often as possible how truly radiant and wonderful you were.

What made him pause, as you left the common room, was that you wanted to meet the author of these letters. You were right of course, he knew he could only send so many letters until you began to grow bored or even annoyed with the lengthy display of literary affection. Words of affirmation was how Cedric Diggory showed love and nothing could stop him from showing he cared for you.

You knew each other, quite well actually, and so he wasn’t a complete coward he told himself. You two had conversations when the fancy struck and when he could get his tongue untied. Sometimes you’d find him half asleep in the common room and you’d shake him awake requesting he go to his bedroom for the night out of care but he would linger and ask about your day and the two of you would chat until far later than either of you had intended.

Other times he would find you, head bent over a textbook as you sat beneath your favorite tree near the edge of the black lake. He teased one of these days the squid would come and grab your textbook from you but you’d just roll your eyes at him and pat the grass beside you, knowing he had a free period when you did.

It was in the interactions he had grown to love every bit of you and he only wanted to learn more every time he got to be in your presence.

Cedric swallowed the lump in his throat as he heard Hannah and Susan giggle, wondering who this mystery admirer could be. “He ought to hurry up and speak to her already, Y/N seems half ready to strangle whoever has been sending her those letters,”

He knew that wasn’t true, Y/N wouldn’t hurt a fly. Yet, they were correct in that he needed to borrow a bit of gryffindor courage and come clean. A sudden thought struck fear deep into his stomach. What if someone else saw Y/N in the same golden light? Would they tell her that they had been the ones to write the words that came from his heart and his heart alone? That had decided it for him. He would tell Y/N that night.

“Y/N?” you heard from your left, head buried in your arms as you rested on top of one of the tables in your common room. You hadn’t been asleep or studying, just thinking. Thinking of papers due, love letters, and the weather. Thinking of the rotation of the earth and how you weren’t really sure what made an animagus and what made a werewolf even though you were certain it was simple and you should have learned it long ago. Thinking of everything and nothing.

“Oh, yes, sorry Ced,” You mumbled, bleary eyes focusing on the boy who had taken a seat beside you. You let yourself take a moment to fall into the depth of his eyes. He had such caring eyes. Yes, the popular hufflepuff was quite the looker but he was far more than that and you had had the pleasure of speaking with him some during the school year. You considered him a friend and you hoped he did too, seeing as he had been the one to approach you.

“Everything okay?” You asked, stifling a yawn and looking around you to see that your fellow housemates had left the common room while you had been lost in all of your thoughts and non-thoughts.

“Yeah!” He replied a bit too cheery, voice pitching towards the end. Cedric winced and your eyebrows crinkled in that familiar way that made him want to smooth the lines away and ask what was worrying you. His stomach flipped comfortably and he let out an easier breath.

“Yeah,” He tried again, more relaxed. “Just wanted to talk to you ‘bout something, actually,”

“Oh?” You perked up, sleep falling from your eyes as you became more alert. Worry settled in your gut. Was Cedric certain everything was okay? You couldn’t bear thinking anything was wrong but you were honored that if something was wrong he wanted to come speak with you.

“Yes, I have something for you,” The boy tried to keep his tone even but he couldn’t but feel some excitement swirl in his gut. He knew it was the right thing to tell you now and this seemed a good way to do it. Tugging a crisp envelope from his pocket he handed it to you and watched confusion paint over your worried expression.

“Open it,” He encouraged.

“But it looks like-” You caught yourself, staring down at the familiar envelope. Surely Cedric couldn’t be the one sending you such attentive letters? You didn’t interact as often as once a day even if you would like to. You told yourself you were being silly and hopeful, your friend just had something to show you and you were letting the letters get in the way of that.

To cover up your hesitation you opened the envelope eagerly, unfolding the paper to find a familiar scrawl. Your heart flipped and your stomach flew.

Hogsmeade this weekend?

The option to check a box labelled yes sat beside another identical box labelled no and you stared with wide and startled eyes at Cedric.

“You mean you were the one?” You croaked, eyes growing glossy. Putting a face to the letters made them mean exponentially more. Such kind eyes, such a kind heart.

“Y-yeah,” Cedric breathed out, hand skating nervously against the back of his neck. “Just wanted to cheer you up one day when you looked down but then we started talking more and I just needed you to know how brilliant you are otherwise I’d explode but I was too nervous to tell you and well... I just kept writing and didn’t stop.”

“Oh Ced,” You gasped, realization dawning on you. “You heard me in the common room earlier? I never meant to pressure you-”

“No, no, Y/N,” He chuckled, his hand reaching for your arm before bashfulness overtook him and he pulled away. “It was time I said something, but....”

He trailed off meaningfully, eyes downcast and you followed his gaze to the unchecked boxes.

“Oh!” you giggled, that familiar red crawling up your neck to the tips of your ears. Grabbing your quill you checked a box, drying the ink with a spell before folding the parchment and putting it back inside the envelope. Standing, you handed Cedric the letter and brushed a daring kiss to his cheek before you ran upstairs leaving him absolutely giddy and more than confused.

After shaking himself from his reverie, he tore at the envelope and noticed a neat X trapped within the confines of the box titled Yes.

Cedric couldn’t fight the grin that spread from ear to ear and you were upstairs battling the same problem of a too-wide smile. It was long overdue he said something and you were more than happy he had.

You both fell asleep as the sun started to lighten the world outside your drawn curtains. It would come back to bite the both of you once classes started but neither of you could get your upcoming Hogsmeade date out of mind. When you caught his eye during breakfast you knew that your sleepless night had been well worth it.

#credric x reader #cedric diggory x reader #fluff #request #all of you anons are lovely and I appreciate your patience #and my non-anons #you are all brilliant #Cedric x hufflepuff!reader

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freddiekluger · 3 years

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please drop the essay length analysis Judas and Jesus (extra gay Swedish edition), O great and knowledgeable monarch of our times

alright, you ask i deliver! please excuse any typos, my eyes aren't exactly working rn

welcome to my probably super subjective but correct analysis, aka

Judas Was Right and Jesus Was A Victim (At Least, In Swedish)

Before we get started, a couple points: i’ll try to avoid comparisons to other specific productions, i’ve only seen the other recorded 2012 british version which i didn’t like for reasons including but not limited to the amount of white people with dreadlocks. Also, my understanding of swedish is limited to a couple words and phrases, so most of the lyrics i reference will be english subtitles from Ola Salo’s swedish translation and therefore might not be the most accurate !

There’s so much i could cover in this, but for now i’m going to focus on how jesus and judas are portrayed in the 2014 swedish arena tour of Jesus Christ Superstar (JCS) starring Ola Salo as Jesus and Peter Johansson as Judas, along with how this production more implicitly views god.

From the opening number, translated into swedish as En Dimmig Himmelsdröm (A Foggy Heaven’s Dream), Peter Johansson’s acting and semantic differences in the lyrics present us with a deeply sympathetic portrayal of Judas. Looking purely at language, the english equivalent Heaven On Their Minds instantly paints Judas as much more of a faithless doubter- lyrics exclusive to the english version like “all your followers have gone blind / too much heaven on their minds” and “they think you’re the new messiah / and they’ll hurt you when they find they’re wrong” strongly enforce Judas’ main motivation for his actions being that he has less belief in Jesus and God’s plan than any of the other disciples with strong statements judging the other disciples for following him and claiming that Jesus ISN’T the messiah. The swedish translation doesn’t paint exactly the same picture- the focus of Judas’ number becomes his fear for Jesus’ wellbeing, not because he isn’t the messiah (the production remains fairly ambiguous on this point), but because Jesus can’t cope. The root of Judas’ concern comes from fear for Jesus’ wellbeing, and the disciples are referenced as regularly misunderstanding and wilfully twisting Jesus’ words. The swedish equivalent lyrics for the above examples are “they say, “jesus is god’s son” / but you know how people can change” (judas isn’t concerned with truth, just the danger that jesus will be in if the tide turns), and “the kingdom of heaven is within us, that’s what you said / bu they sew it, stitch by stich into some kind of foggy heaven’s dream”. Judas is showing that he HAS been listening and cares for Jesus’ teachings, but ‘they’ [his disciples] are turning them into something else entirely, and Judas’ worries that the support of the masses is fragile at best- the lines “and everything you say gets twisted by your lackeys / it will be anything but what you’ve said” and “you are being used by people who want you in their battle” reinforces this again. When combined with Peter Johansson’s tough but tender performance, in which he dances between disdain for Jesus, the institution, and affection for Jesus, the man (an important distinction), Judas is the harsh realist doing his best to look out for the man he loves. The way he takes Jesus hands and looks at him with love and urgency straight away establishes that his motivations are pure- Judas is doing what he thinks is best, even though it feels like no one will listen to him.

That was long, but En Dimmig Himmelsdröm is the perfect character introduction for Judas. He’s not totally unrecognisable, still delivering digs about ‘Jesus, the little carpenter’s son’, his manner is still rough and at this point we’re not sure whether or not the claims he makes about the disciples have any truth to them, BUT we can also see how much Jesus means to him, an important point that give context to the intensity of their future arguments and really makes the whole story much more heartbreaking.

This brings me to Ola Salo’s Jesus. Delightfully camp and queercoded, Judas describes him as being caught up in his own magic and mystery and buckling under the pressure, and he’s not entirely wrong. Throughout the first act, Jesus basks in the luxuries that being messiah can give him (the oils Mary paid for using disciple funds that were supposed to go towards helping the poor, him absolutely thriving in the shopping cart in What’s the Buzz?), and is shown actively avoiding any reminders of the seriousness of his position. He’s sick of the disciples asking him for a plan, he chooses the comforting Mary, who’s theme consists of telling Jesus everything is okay and he doesn’t need to think about anything, over Judas, who is less perhaps ‘cosy’ but is actively trying to warn and protect Jesus from an awful fate. During The Temple, he starts to crack as he’s overcome by the followers begging him to make him well, fear in his eyes as he raises his arms while frozen on the spot trying to avoid being devoured by the frenzy in desperate need of a messiah. Judas’ point about Jesus buckling under the pressure is starting to look more and more reasonable, and the dashes of showbiz campness add to the sense that much of Jesus is a persona constructed for the masses to give himself enough distance to prevent him from being crushed by the weight of God entirely. Jesus, the institution, prances around, lays his hands on his followers, and projects an air of easygoing calm. Jesus, the man, is scared and alone, and Jesus, the man, really comes out in Last Supper, but before we get there, I want to circle back to the Jesus/Mary/Judas thing.

Jesus, Mary, and Judas are presented as a love triangle: so much so, that Judas seeing Mary sing of her love for Jesus (I Don’t Know How To Love Him) is actually played as the inciting incident that sends him to the pharisees. Judas, the picture of the jealous lover, storms onto the scene, breaking them up and attempting to kiss Jesus, who instead shoves him to the ground in disdain. Judas, who is perhaps a little controlling, realises that any influence he had over Jesus has gone, and it’s likely a combination of jealousy and the knowledge that Jesus won’t stop that prompts him to head to the pharisees. In his meeting with the pharisees (known in english as Damned For All Time, although that phrase doesn’t appear once in the swedish), Judas’ expresses outright that “I’m the one who sees / Jesus, he can’t handle it anymore” “the truth is that this hysteria is making him lose control”, once he can get past explaining how much this plan of action feels like a last resort. He never even verbally or physically accept the pharisees’ offer of money, he denies it twice before it is eventually thrown over him after he reluctantly gives them the date and time to find Jesus- we never even see him pick it up, unlike other productions which show Judas grabbing for the cash and place a higher emphasis on Judas making sure he ‘won’t be damned for all time’, painting Judas as far more self serving. When it comes to Jesus, Judas is active- he’s running around trying to help, caressing him, embracing him, grabbing his hand, kissing him. They share countless moment of intimacy, especially at the start, establishing the fondness between them instead of instantly jumping to their conflict. When it comes to Mary (and admittedly, this is partially because she’s a secondary character- don’t get me wrong I still love her and Gunilla Backman does a brilliant job), she’s much more passive. Other than the much more gentle kisses in I Don’t Know How To Love Him and her penchant for dabbing Jesus’ forehead, she’s mostly just ‘there’. She cares for Jesus after the fact, and even when performing acts of intimacy like the oil and the kiss, she maintains a lot of physical distance- her songs touch on this as, much like Jesus (admittedly for different reasons), she actively distances herself from feelings to protect herself, so naturally she literally places distance between herself and the object of her love.

This brings me back to Last Supper, Gethsemane ( I Only Want to Say), and the kiss of death that broke all of our hearts. Throughout this segment, this is when Jesus, the man, really comes through, and it’s devastating. In Last Supper, he properly expresses the sheer amount of loneliness he feels, reiterating how he feels everyone will forget about him once he’s gone, and doesn’t really care about him as a man (”for you, my blood is not worth more than wine / for you, my body is not worth more than bread” “you will have forgotten me as soon as i give up my life”). This devolves into the disciples fighting each other and, you guessed it, ignoring him. For the first time, Jesus meaningfully lets out his anger, and as it turns to Judas, Judas does the same. Because of the set up of their complicated romantic relationship and the stakes involved, the amount of personal attacks and anger that comes out of Jesus and Judas’ repeated fights (which get physical) make complete sense- Jesus’ frustrations come from the fact that his entire fate has been predetermined and to him, Judas is just another instrument in the ways he’s been controlled (both with Judas being his betrayer, but also the way that Judas’ constant advice and interference with Jesus’ life (most obviously, the mary thing) are acted by Ola Salo as becoming increasingly frustrating to Jesus)- these frustrations are directed at their real cause, God, in Gethsemane. Judas’ frustrations come from the fact that no matter how hard he tries to help Jesus and keep him safe, Jesus keeps rejecting his efforts resulting in “all that we’ve built up [being] destroyed”- Judas’ heart hasn’t just been broken by Jesus rejecting him romantically, but on every level. Here, he’s actually shown to be the disciple most passionate about helping people practically and long term, being the only one concerned about Mary taking money which was supposed to help people, manipulated by the pharisees with the promise of doing good for the masses, and criticising Jesus for how they could be doing so much for people, ending his part of Last Supper with “every time i look at you i ask myself why you let all your things go so wrong? / all i ever wanted was to help you”.

This is also the point where Judas’ claims about the disciples are essentially confirmed, and this productions intent to portray Judas as more of a tragic hero become absolutely clear. In the english version, the disciples chorus remains virtually the same each time it appears, generally being far too calm considering their leader is about to die, revealing their aspirations to be apostles, and their intent to write the gospels to be remembered. the swedish translation still achieve this, but with variations from chorus to chorus it becomes much more poignant. i’m just going to stick to ttwo, which are choruses 1 and 3. In chorus 1, lines roughly translate to “i’ve always wanted to be an apostle / life is so nice when you’re saved/ then when we’ve got time we’ll write the gospels / then everything will be the way we want”- the apostles declaring that life is so good when you’re saved supports Judas’ opening statement that they care more about some idea of heaven than anything else, not to mention ignoring the absolute horrors that Jesus will have to go through to be saved, while the final line about the gospels introduces their intent to change whichever details they need to make ‘everything the way we want’: once again, exactly what Judas warned us of in En Dimmig Himmelsdröm. In chorus 3, taking place after Judas storms out for the last time, these lines change to “never really liked that judas / never saw what jesus saw in him / then, when we’ve got time we’ll write the gospels / and we’ll angle it so he gets all the blame”. Judas as a sympathetic character is confirmed here, as the disciples straight up admit how they don’t like Judas anyways and intend to write him as a villain (also inadvertently admitting that, since they have to write the gospels to make it look like only Judas’ fault, Judas isn’t really the sole one responsible for everything that is to come). It’s deeply unsettling, and for me was the point where I really began to question how good any of these disciples were, and by extension, how good is this production’s God if his truly sanctified followers are acting like this?

Jesus vents out all of his anger and desperation in Gethsemane. He acknowledges his own powerlessness and begs him to change the plan, but with the dark stage and no response (along with Ola Salo’s spectacular acting) it becomes clear that if anyone is there, they’re certainly not listening (”you, who have all the power / can you please change the plan / for i can already feel the pain burning in me”). It’s worth mentioning that a lot of the imagery in this swedish version is much more intense than the english, both in this song and the production as a whole. Jesus plainly calls god “thoughtless”, begging to understand, and it’s that this point we realise that he agrees with much more of what Judas has been saying than he’s been letting on- Jesus’ faith appears to be the only thing keeping him from listening to Judas and running away. Judas’ messages about people misunderstanding Jesus’ words also come out (”you care that everyone sees / but not that anyone understands”), and his eventual agreeing to die is played less as an inspiring act of faith, and more an act of desperation as he realises, he realise has no other choice. In this song, we see just how much of Judas Jesus has valued and taken on board, and that his air of carefree aloofness which frustrated Judas was, as we’ve already touched on, a complete act. The line “might as well finish what i’ve... what YOU’VE started” is absolutely miserable, reinforcing one of the major themes of this production: the idea that Jesus and Judas were both just ordinary men tormented by futures defined by forces out of their control. Just as Jesus has absorbed Judas’ logic, as an audience so we have, and it’s difficult to view the rest of the play’s events as anything other than an immense and unnecessary act of cruelty.

we’re almost done i promise!

Even knowing what Judas has/will do, Jesus still greets him with love. Judas, still under the impression that Jesus will be okay and that he’s doing what’s best, approaches him with the utmost tenderness, and the kiss is a beautiful signifier of two things. For Jesus, the return of his love for Judas shows his realisation in Gethsemane that Judas isn’t the one who’s sealed his fate and has only being trying to help, it’s god himself who has decided Jesus’ future. For Judas, the kiss shows that despite all of the anger and frustration that has been pouring out of him, he truly does love Jesus, and the way he cradles the scared and alone Jesus to his chest afterwards shows just how much he wishes he could be the one to help him and keep him close. Even with all their arguments and dysfunction, here Jesus and Judas find comfort in each other, and it almost seems like everything will end up alright. It’s in this moment that Judas and Jesus are most identifiable not as enemies, or as villain and hero, but as archetypal lovers from a Shakespearean tragedy. Neither of them set out to hurt each other, but through miscommunications, their own flaws, and external forces (both natural and supernatural), their love is simply never to be. Furthermore, in the following torture and spectacle, everything that Judas predicted for Jesus is about to come true. Another detail I find interesting is the way that Jesus and Judas both sport black nail polish, leather pants, and similar length hair: along with just looking cool as hell, the similarities really reinforce how close they are and how much they influence each other- it feels like a contemporary version of carrying a cameo or a lock of your lover's hair with you, a way for 'star crossed lovers' to keep a piece of their beloved no matter what.

The disaffected persona of Jesus, the institution, comes back as he’s taken by the authorities and subsequently insulted, degraded, and whipped. Also the swedish version of The Arrest, when the chorus starts singing questions, contains this dick joke and I think we all deserve it: “why were you dating a whore? / talk about a huge magic wand!”

Skipping forward to Judas’ Death, this is where both his character and the production’s conception of god beautifully (and miserably) align. When Judas runs to the pharisees, minor semantic changes (along with the genuine concern and great acting from Peter Johansson) reinforce that this Judas genuinely didn’t know that Jesus would be beaten and sentenced to death the way he has been, and Judas’ concern regarding how things look is played less as ‘oh no people will hate ME!’, but how having sentenced the man you love to death is one nightmarish thing, but for everyone to think you did it knowingly and willingly and then congratulate you for it is unthinkable. Where the english shows Judas’ attempting to evade responsibility for Jesus death, the swedish is more focused on Judas’ guilt, horror, and regret. The english “I’d save him all the suffering if I could / don’t believe our good / save him if I could” is swapped in swedish for “If anyone should die here I should / don’t say I’m good / better if I died”. While the english statements are somewhat empty (sure, Judas says he’d save Jesus’ suffering if he could, but he can’t so we’ll never truly know) and are still focused on Judas’ attempt to construct himself as a good guy, the swedish translation has Judas admit his guilt (even if it’s not really his fault), and make the promise of “better if i died” which, given the name of this sequence, he later delivers on. When english Judas sings “Christ, I’d sell out the nation / For I have been saddled with the murder of you”, swedish Judas sings “Jesus, I’ve been deceived / because of my act your blood’s now being spilt”, and instead of ending this first section with “I should be dragged through the slime and the mud”, swedish jesus returns to the theme of character assasination with “i will be cursed as the one behind your murder”.

The swedish translation of the next rework of I Don’t Know How to Love Him also places much more emphasis on Judas’ genuine romantic love for Jesus- we’d be here for hours if i listed everything but here are a few key contrasts. The english has Judas sing “I don’t know how to love him / I don’t know why he moves me”, whereas the swedish has Judas crying while singing “how do I show my love / all I want is to be close to you”. Along with acknowledging Judas already loves Jesus, the entirety of this segment is shifted from Judas singing about Jesus in the third person ‘he’, to a direct address. Judas isn’t performing his sadness, or venting his emotions, he’s emitting one last desperate cry to the man he loves as he sobs on a stage completely shrouded in darkness, and it’s devastating. Peter Johansson lets his voice run raw as he’s belting, and interrupts lines with sobs, and this Judas answers the question of “do you love me too? do you care for me?” with a quiet “no”- Judas is about to go to his death convinced Jesus must hate him, just as Jesus will face his knowing his love inadvertently put him there.

We finally reach Judas’ actual death, and the production’s far more ambiguous (if not negatively geared) depiction of god comes to a head. Judas’ screaming at god the moment he realises that his god essentially forced Judas to be the one to kill Jesus (an act of ultimate cruelty given their love) comes across as horrifying in it’s validity, unlike in other english language productions where it follows the more common characterisation of Judas being an unbeliever who can’t take responsibility for his own actions. When he spits on the ground, screaming “you have murdered me!”, we can’t help but agree- Judas was trying everything he could to stop Jesus from dying, and yet here he is. Most notably, Judas doesn’t set up his own suicide- a noose literally descends from the heavens, already tied, and Judas is literally trapped between the edge of the stage, and the symbol of death behind him. Much like he didn’t choose to kill Jesus, Judas has no choice in his own suicide- it’s suggested to merely be another part of the plan god has for him, and Judas raising his arms to form a crucifixion pose before he finally turns and jumps, disappearing into the depths of the theatre as the rope trails down (somewhat evocative of a leap to hell), highlight the sick joke. Much like Jesus begging in Gethsemane, a plea with god that in anyway implies fault or cruelty is met with silence followed by a death sentence.

When Judas reappears to the broken and bloodied Jesus in Superstar, he appears as more of a twisted hallucination than the literal spirit of Judas. He’s the opposite of everything he was in life, draped in colour, surrounded by red lighting instead of the signature blue, his hair quite literally let down, joking and dancing. Despite singing about him, Judas virtually ignores Jesus for the whole song except when he’s taunting him, snatching his hand away after a broken and desperate Jesus reaches out for the image of his beloved (refuting Judas’ belief that Jesus would die hating him), along with the swedish additions of Judas repeatedly addressing him as “little Jesus”. Where the living Judas was serious, sometimes harsh but always well intention, often paying more attention to Jesus than he received, this Judas is the opposite: light hearted but cruel, not caring about Jesus one bit. It’s somewhat an inversion of the beginning of JCS, where the tormented Judas was constantly reaching out to Jesus, and often met with scorn and insult (see: most of their arguments, this line from Everything’s Alright: “the thought is beautiful but quite unrealistic / yes, even quite stupid”). As the song goes on, and even as Jesus is crucified, the victorious scoring of the Superstar theme ends up reinforcing the cruelty and questioning of god distinctive of this production: Ola Salo’s Jesus is one of the bloodiest Jesus’s (Jesii?) I’ve been able to find, with blood covering his torso, his arms, and all over his face, not in passive dribbles, but violent ‘swooshes’ spreading out from his eyes, emphasising the fear and pain contained within them. As the music suggests how great and wonderful Jesus’ death is, the images straight out of a horror movie before us don’t seem to match up: as both Judas and Jesus question, if no one is understanding what Jesus is saying, why kill him? instead of making a point, you’re ensuring that the falsehoods continue to circulate, unless spreading the true message isn’t really the intent at all. or, simply that Jesus was wrong: his interpretation and teachings of god were far too kind and practical, and the true god really is the one that he briefly saw in the garden of Gethsemane, and that Judas saw before his death- a cruel and vindictive god using them for his own sick purposes. If you're a strong Christian, I'm sure you could watch this production and still believe that God was right (although I think Jesus and Judas being in love counts as blasphemy), but I think in doing so you'd lose part of what makes this production so hard hitting and, as i keep saying, devastating.

that’s pretty much it for this one! i feel like jesus and judas as a queer couple is less significant to this production than the fact that it’s specifically jesus and judas that are in love - they don’t face explicit homophobia as such, although i do think the paratextual and historical associations of queerness (both with them each looking visibly queer, and them as a couple) adds a beautiful dimension by subverting the standard christian teaching of Jesus’ sacrifice as “a love that changed the world” and making the love that truly could have been transformative (and was, to a degree) the love between Jesus and another man, not to mention the way in which queerness is often viewed as radical perfectly upholding the ‘radical’ views of god and the story of Jesus shown in the production. Why wouldn’t the love between two men be the love which has us questioning god, faith, and that which many of us have been taught since birth? Ola Salo has talked about how he’s able to be positive and negative towards christianity, along with how he wanted Jesus and Judas to really represent two sides of the same coin (’faith and intelligence’), and being bisexual along with having alluded to being raised christian (not to mention Breaking Up With God, a song by his band The Ark), it’s not surprising he’s managed to present such a nuanced and layered interpretation of Jesus Christ Superstar that even me, a trans exvangelical, can fall in love with.

UPDATE: @bands-and-hobbits has just let me know that Ola's dad was a priest! Apparently he's said that he liked the organs and the music, but that was all when it comes to christianity, which (when combined with Ola stating in interviews that the JCS soundtrack has been one of his favourite albums since he was 14) makes a lot of sense about the level of familiarity he had with the text giving him confidence to go in and make changes to really capitalised off of some of the themes that are hinted at in the english version- you have enough information to understand how everything works together, but aren't so dedicated to preserving belief that you feel you can't improve/change things (and my god are we glad he did)

#thank you if you made it this far!#also the inherent rhythm in swedish as a language just makes all of the songs sound better i'm gonna say it #english is really hit and miss when it comes to music and can get especially clunky with musicals requiring exposition #also sorry there's so much i've left out !#anyways enjoy #jesus christ superstar #jesus christ superstar swedish arena tour 2014 #jcs #peter johansson #ola salo #also i have barely edited this so i hope it's coherent

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itsmaddienotmaddy · 4 years

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Buckle up bitches, I have a LOT to say.

USA v Brazil

Alyssa had a #1 goalkeeper game. She directed, she came up big, she’s Our keeper. It’s good for us to have games where she’s tested. Yeah, it’s not fun to watch those dangerous chances that could cost us. But Alyssa makes things less scary.

Becky had a phenomenal game. The crosses she denied, her positioning to keep players wide, allllll her headers. Her calming presence is so appreciated and she’s a huge reason the US is successful defensively.

Crystal is world fuckin class. When she came all the way to the other side and SAVED OUR LIVES. I mean. Come on. She was lucky in the sense that Brazil’s game plan was to attack down the left ONLY to expose Abby and Sonnett. She was given a better opportunity to work more offensively, and her and Christen connect beautifully. Her Christen and Lindsey were connecting in just an insane way. The chemistry with those three on the left was perfection. Crystal had some moves that had my jaw on the ground, she’s so smart. And the runs she made to open up passes and crossing opportunities.. when is her master class? I would like to attend.

Okay. Gonna lump Abby and Sonnett together a bit here. I want to start by saying, I don’t think they did BAD. Didn’t do great! But you have to take a step back and examine the situation. All Brazil wanted to do was attack down that side. Who were the two players doing the attacking? MARTA AND DEBINHA. Two absolutely incredible, tricky, LETHAL players. So, did Sonnett and Abby both makes mistakes and get beat a couple times? Yeah. Of course they did. Did they also come up big on other defensive plays? They sure did. Abby recovers very well when she gets beat and she showed that. Sonnett had some good tackles, she WAS cutting off angles on passes and kept some transition plays from happening. She dealt with Brazilian players pressing with some sick moves AND had two beautiful crosses into the box to Lindsey. (And to echo my post during the game, Sonnett and Horan are NOT allowed to try and 1-2 pass out of the back. Dumb dumbs. They ARE allowed to double team players together though. Much more effective.)

Julie. I genuinely couldn’t tell if she was having a terrible game or a great game. There were glimmers of brilliance, perfectly timed defensive tackles, smart movement, good passes. Then she had some bad shots rocketed to the moon, passes to NO ONE, and throwing the ball away out of bounds. Overall, confusing performance from her, but not detrimental.

Rose had herself a GAME. Idk where her prewrap went, her hair was definitely getting in her face. But her movement was incredible. Her defensive work was incredible. It was very clear that Vlatko was asking every single player to work defensively to get numbers in the back. Christen and Lindsey worked with Crystal, Rose and Lynn working to help Sonnett. Okay, back to purely Rose. She was dictating pace, she was doing moves, she was making smart tackles, she was setting up dangerous scoring opportunities. She was in her ELEMENT. She was obviously tired as shit at the end, but it’s because she put in the work. That’s why we have subs.

Lindsey pisses off people on the internet and that’s fine. She is a physical player, a bulldozer. And people don’t love that. But she takes it as much as she gives it. Such is life battling for balls in the middle of the field. This game though. This game. Jesus Christ Lindsey Horan is good at soccer. Her first touch is so smooth, her vision, her work rate to be everywhere on the field, god, her weighted passes! Hello. Did she not have both assists? And she did all of that, for a full ninety. Insanity. She handles defensive pressure so well, pinging passes around, always giving someone an outlet. The fact that she was a defensive savior on many occasions and was involved in both goals... I. How?

Kristie. Loving all the minutes she’s getting. Little lost out there for her short time in, this did not look like a game that was easy to slot into. But, ya know, she didn’t do anything wrong. More minutes for Argentina? Maybe a START?

Lynn. Kind of like Julie, she was either doing amazing things, or a whole lot of nothing. This was not an offensive game for her, which isn’t great for a forward. To her credit, she tracked back defensively very well. But her 1 v 1 offensive challenges, she was getting stuck. When she worked her ass off to get those scoring opportunities, she wasted them. Slowing down in the box was not the move. Unlike Christen who slows with the purpose to cut the ball and unleash a shot, Lynn was slowing down and then didn’t know what to do. It was frustrating to watch and I’m sure it was frustrating for her. That was not the performance she needed to have. But damn, I appreciated the speed trio of her, Alex and Christen. (Though I think I’d rather put Tobin in her place in a starting 11)

Alex had a pretty good game. Her work rate was high and she did what only she has perfected. That woman is EXCELLENT at drawing fouls. She goes hard, she gets her legs tangled up, she spins the right way and she gets herself ROCKED. This canNOT be good for her body, but getting those set pieces for a team that thrives with set pieces.. it’s valuable. I thought she had awesome fluidity switching going wide and staying central with Lynn and Christen. I’m happy with her start and happy with her performance.

Christen Press was out there doing Christen Press things. It’s been hard watching her play at United and not do the incredible things we all know she can do. THIS game?? She sliced and diced that defensive line. Just stupid good on the ball, with accurate passing and movement with Crystal and Lindsey. That side was unstoppable. You could hear Vlatko yelling at her to come back defensively and she did. SO well. She had a lot of important clearances that got us out of the danger zone and back on the attack. And her goal. Oh my god her GOAL. It’s what she does. HAO said it. It’s what she practices over and over so come game time, she makes it look easy. I love her sm.

Carli was not the correct sub choice. Should have been Cat. She literally did not do anything.

Sophia was given opportunity in a tough game. Unfortunately, she didn’t do much with it. She didn’t provide the same defensive work the other players did. Lindsey slid over to cover that job for sure. And her one incredible goal chance, she did the same exact thing that WASNT working for Lynn all game. But, she needs the minutes, she got them, she’s got time to grow.

Pinoe coming in as a SUPER SUB. Which I think is def going to be her role going forward as long as Press stays in form. Initially, she was not exuding super sub energy. She doesn’t love doing the defensive work and it shows, and the announcers called her out for not helping the press when Julie triggered it. But she settled into it. Pinoe is a SMART player and THAT BITCH KNOWS HOW TO SCORE. And she did JUST THAT. Love a good Pinoe goal celebration too.

That’s my two cents on all that. Overall. What a game. My eyeballs were glued to the screen, heart rate skyrocketing. I love this fuckin team.

#uswnt #alyssa naeher #becky sauerbrunn #crystal dunn #abby dahlkemper #emily sonnett #Julie ertz #rose lavelle #lindsey horan #kristie mewis #lynn williams #alex morgan #christen press #sophia smith #carli lloyd #megan rapinoe

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relaxxattack · 3 years

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ayo! (wait this might be a bit of a jumpscare dishdks i apologize) i’m op of That Post and was wondering what your opinions were on the whole woobification thing? /gen

because it’s a Tiny Bit widespread within the dream apologists to sort of,, overdramatize stuff like l’manberg hurting him. like they’re not a 100% wrong but if you look at it subjectively you can see some sort of bias going into that sort of thing that makes the character’s mistreatment a bit more blatant and intentional which,, it really wasn’t? and there wasn’t That Much of it either. especially on twitter (tumblr is much better about it) people just jump to conclusions it seems and yeah. since you brought it up i was wondering if you wanted to write a bit about it from your perspective!

we’re kinda from different corners of the fandom but i still notice that once you are too attached to a character you start taking certain evidence and giving it more weight than it actually has. there’s a blurry line between “taking away a character’s humanity” and woobification and it’s extremely difficult to find a balance when said character shows pretty much nothing of his emotional life (e. g. putting up the intimidating villain act in front of only c!tommy, pretty much everything he does making rational sense with no emotional subtext) and a lot of the fandom instantly jumps to one side or the other while it’s like.

we don’t know by far enough to say “he’s traumatized” or “he isn’t traumatized” or “he was villainized and it hurt him” or “l’manberg didn’t affect him at all”

as a very analytical person people constantly jumping to conclusions grinds my gears, but that’s about it for my own view of the situation - sorry for the rambling.

in general i agree with you that both dehumanization and woobification is Bad and i really hope getting Actual Context sorts this out (e. g. him saying he was betrayed by his friends doesn’t mean it wasn’t partially his fault or that they were allowed to leave him, but it also shows that he did care about that happening. mentioning the cat doesn’t mean anything about what happened to c!tommy but it also shows that he did care about what happened to it. it’s just always interesting to get more information about the way he feels because he usually does a very good job at hiding it.) because man.

it’s like being stuck between a rock and a hard place, especially if you also are attached to the character and are expected to automatically agree with everything the people on “your side” say. it just ends up with everyone being mad and the character being mischaracterised overall.

oh wow hello! i didnt expect the op of the post to find me you’re right lol

and yes i agree! you seem to have a lot of very good thoughts tbh.

and by woobification, i mean exactly what you’ve already pointed out— the people who will say l’manberg purposely villainized dream, the people who will say wilbur faked his mental illness to manipulate dream, the people who are pretty much always talking about how badly dream was treated by people who were acting only fairly for themselves, usually.

for example people who act like dream was a perfect peacemaker before tommy showed up, or that tommy started most conflict. these are just actual lies that are told by c!dream himself to justify his abuse of tommy, and people fall for them incredibly easily because not a lot of people watched early dsmp and know that truthfully it was chaotic even then, and that dream was chaotic too. not to mention wilbur soot tried very hard to secede peacefully with l’manberg and dream jumped directly into war with no warning. and then people say he was forced into their war when, no, he started it.

theres also people who will say like, dream and sapnap for example are such good friends. i’m sure they cared for each other, but dream on multiple occasions has done horrible things to sapnap with no regard for his feelings (like leading fundy to sapnaps pets during the petwar, leading tommy to sapnaps pets during the other petwar and encouraging him to kill them, handing mars over to tommy to use as leverage against sapnap, etc). george he’s been less awful too but he certainly spoke over him and ignored his feelings enough that george felt hurt. he had places in his hall of attachments for beckerson and mars. george and sapnap were right to walk away from being treated like that.

there’s also what you just said here — “dream puts on a villain persona for tommy”— but honestly he acts like that around quite a few people (example: eret) and it’s usually when he’s revealing crucial info, which leads me and many others to believe that ‘persona’ is actually a more truthful version of him.

there’s the fact that he really isn’t safe for people to be around (or at least he wasn't before the prison) because he was planning to come up with ways to control every single person by stealing and threatening their attachments (some of which were not items but were living animals, or a real breathing person).

and then people will say dream was doing exile to enforce rules, or to keep the peace— when it’s very clear in canon it was a deliberate plan to get tommy on his own and into the prison. (from the way he was framing tommy for multiple crimes, and having sam set up the prison, and kidnapping tommy instead of correctly exiling him, all at the same time).

not even going into how he wants to kill and revive people for fun or make tommy immortal.

it’s just— ignoring all these actual facts and saying “oh he misses his friends, let’s get him some friends now” reminds me of like. when people would put flower crowns on pictures of serial killers. and then, there’s hardly anyone on the server who wasn’t subject to dream’s plans, so there’s absolutely no one i would be okay with him interacting with.

just remembered about the torture thing, and wow i still hate it so much. it’s someone’s sick revenge fantasy twisted into a way to get a manipulative villain sympathy, and it’s just gross to me on every account. i do think dream is traumatized-- just not by l’manberg, which was a conflict he started on his own terms. i would think l’manberg did affect him, because he was scared of losing control.

i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again— my ideal ending for dream would be for him to be sent far away from dsmp to an island full of therapy animals and super strong therapists who have never met him before. and for him to get a shit ton of therapy until he becomes a halfway normal person. and then eventually he could get integrated into society again; but a different one with new people. (although maybe dteam + bbh + puffy can visit him, they might still like him.)

none of the people on the server (who have all been affected by dream) should be burdened with befriending him or rehabilitating him— look how that turned out with sam! sam had a personal grudge towards dream and it ended with the poor dude being tortured every day; and sam himself falling into corruption and literally cutting off his boyfriends arm. like we can all see thats fucking awful right?

no one who was affected by dream should have to deal with him ever again. and contrary to popular belief, that includes a LOT more people then just tommy. dream isn’t just tommy’s antagonist, hes almost everybody’s.

the only person on the server who might also be able to stand to help dream is techno, and that’s from sheer lack of ability to give a shit. but techno is probably THE furthest thing from a good therapist there is lol, and dream needs better then that.

this kind of just ended up being a rant about my thoughts on c!dream, so im so sorry op. especially since it was probably negative for you. i hope you’re doing very well.

i guess in the end it’s true what you said— people will highlight or ignore things based on what characters they like, and it’s especially easy to do in this fandom, where half the content doesn’t even get watched and then we become a big echo chamber of half-truths.

considering dream has hurt so many of the characters i care about, i almost can’t understand how he could be someone’s favorite or comfort character— but he is nonetheless, and it would be unfair of me to be rude about that.

essentially it just bothers me to see someone who was a perpetrator of accurately portrayed abuse and manipulation (using both those words in their actual definitions, not just as random buzzwords lol) being given the flower crown edit effect. especially since he’s hurt the characters i care about a lot.

ANYWAY all of that being said (this got LONG im so sorry op) i am so so excited to get dream’s pov, because although i disagree with his actions strongly i actually find dream’s character very interesting and cool, and watching his POV is going to insanely fun. i cannot wait to see what theories get confirmed or denied

ALSO incase it wasn’t clear this is all /nm at you! you seem lovely and smart, and neither of us can help what characters we get attached to :]

#c!dream critical #dream meta #og post #hey guys i would actually like some feedback on this one since i worked hard on it #rbs are okay and encouraged :]#my meta

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mayonnaisetoffees · 3 years

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Mayo's Fic Recs

List of my favourite fics below the cut; this list is a WIP and completely personal taste; a mix of fandom classics and lesser knowns

Please remember to leave comments and kudos for the authors and podficcers!

*shows particular favourites

Fandoms currently included: Spn, Merlin, Les Mis, BatFam

Fics That Changed Me Fundamentally

Loaded March*** by Footloose. Merlin | E | 1.26M(Series)/ 35k (First part) | 188k hits (First part)

The reason SAS Captain Arthur Pendragon can’t keep a communications specialist in Team Excalibur because none of them are good enough. And then Lieutenant Merlin Emrys gets assigned to his squad, and Arthur does everything he can to prove that Merlin isn’t good enough, either. Except he is.

You can read all about my thoughts on Loaded March here, here, and here. Basically this fic series is beautifully written, has absolutely delicious UST, has found family, magic, and high stakes. It’s been part of my life for almost a decade now, I made friends through LM that I still have to this day, and it genuinely changed me as a person. Plus there are 78k of Extras to itch that I Finished Now What scratch. Parts 1-5 have been podficced and you can find them in works inspired by this one in each part.

Down to Agincourt*** by Seperis. Supernatural | E | 1.12M(Series)/ 154k (First part) | 73k hits (First part)

The world’s already over and they’re already dead. All they’re doing now is marking time until the end.

S7!Dean is transported back to the aftermath of where 5x04 The End left off. Much like LM, DtA was one that I avoided for a while. I didn’t think it would be my thing. I’m not usually into End!verse, it sounded so bleak from the summary, and it sounded so long for something I wasn’t sure about. If you’re reading this and nodding along? You are as much a fool as I was. Yes, it’s the end of the world. But it’s not over yet. This is a beautiful journey in what it means to be yourself, how to survive the end of the world, a How-To for Coups, and a study in food as a love language. I only read this fic this year, but like LM, it has genuinely changed me. Map of the World has been podficced.

Supernatural

Let’s start with the current hyperfixation. All of these are at least passively Dean/Cas unless otherwise stated. I've split into ones from my first time around in the SPN fandom and more recent ones because the vibes are actually really different and it took me some time to adjust (Not in a bad way! In a time has passed they have grown as characters way)

Old-School SPN (AKA the Classics my first time around)

Canon-Compliant or Divergent

Home in Motion* by nomdeplume13 M | 232k | 48k hits

Castiel swore he was done with spur of the moment decisions that permanently changed Dean Winchester's life. A year after the angel's most disastrous, his newest may present the largest challenge of dean's life: Fatherhood.

Did someone say kid!fic in canonverse? This is perfect. Canon divergence from the end of S6. Cas saves a baby from a neglectful mother and gives him to Dean to raise. They all move in with Bobby. Great OCs. Bobby considers Cas his son. Listen everything I say here will not be able to begin to encompass how much I love this fic. Just trust me on this one.

Named* by RC_McLachlan M | 95k | 95k hits

Jesus Christ is dead. Somehow, that isn't the worst part of Dean's week.

With a summary like that, need I say more? No but I'm gonna. This is one of the funniest fics I've ever read, but it doesn't take any emotion from the serious moments, if anything it heightens them. There are so many quotes from this I think about all the time. It was written in 2010 and so there's a bit of misogyny/character assassination of Anna in places.

Second Childhood by CloudyJenn (read by exmanhater) G | 16k (1h30) | 10k hits

"Dude, I can't do this whole thing by myself," Dean said with far more desperation leaking into his tone than he liked. It would just be too much to make it through hell and death and Lucifer only to have Castiel bail on him because of a frigging baby.

They beat the Apocalypse (OG-S5) and then Sam gets de-aged by a spell. I've listened to this so many times I know it by heart, it's an ultimate comfort fic to me.

Defy Any and All Expectation* by Tenoko1 (read by Tenoko1) M | 138k (14hrs) | 37k hits

Chuck's newly released books tell of another war between Heaven and Hell. Team Free Will sets out to try to defy prophecy, only to realize there is a lot more at stake and amiss than the not-quite-accurate words of one Prophet of the Lord. Along the way, Dean and Cas' relationship continues to evolve into something neither expected or were prepared for, all of their lives transforming in ways no one could have expected. But with no shortage of cases, monsters, and mayhem, it's going to require the help of new friends and old enemies if they're to have a hope of saving the world one more time. Alternate Season Six.

So this is a re-written version of Tenoko1's The Path We Choose which I don't think is around anymore. By the time I was reading the re-write as each chapter came out, I knew every single line of TPWC and it wasn't all that much shorter. It's such a perfect canon divergence because they are all 100% in-character. If you're into podfic, you already know what an absolute gift 14 hours is, but if you have never tried podfic before, Tenoko1 is a fantastic place to start. Her voice is soothing and energetic and her Cas sometimes comes to mind when I'm reading fic in Misha's place (sorry Misha)

His Fucking Kids 'Verse by 8sword M | 96k(Series)/ 3k (first part) | 26k hits (first part)

Jesus, the school should just have a parking spot labeled, “Reserved for the Novak-Winchesters,” because Dean’s getting sick of having to cruise around the parking lot looking for a spot every time he gets a call from the principal about Emma.

Emma survives and Dean and Cas are raising her and Claire. This fic series will make you laugh, make you cry, and (nowadays) make you wish Emma had survived to be a part of Wayward Sisters.

One Species Too Many by wallmakerrelict E | 22k | 37k hits

While Dean is laid up for a month after breaking his leg on a hunt, Cas decides that it's a perfect time to adopt a litter of kittens. But even though he's gotten better since Purgatory, Cas still isn't quite the same as he was before fixing Sam's head, and being trapped in a cabin with him for weeks on end is making that all the more obvious to Dean. When Sam takes off on a hunt, Dean has to figure out on his own how to navigate his new relationship with Cas while also helping to raise a bunch of fuzzballs that aren't even cute. Not even a little bit. (Well, maybe a little bit.)

Dean breaks his legs, and honey!Cas brings home some kittens to foster. It's achingly sweet and also painful because you know Dean wants to fix Cas but there's nothing to fix. It is tagged for ableism for this.

Tripping* by Hatteress E | 49k | 78k hits

That time the universe decided Dean belonged with Cas and wasn't afraid to pull out the big guns to make it so. Big guns in this case being obsessive fangirls, archangels turned tricksters and overly enthusiastic cupids. Welcome to Dean's life.

Alt!S5 and it is beautiful. Also any fic with Missouri is an automatic win.

Broadway Musical by Grifitings M | 12k | 79k hits

This is the day that marked the Holy and Blessed Union of Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle. The merging of prominent bloodlines is always a grand occurrence, but breeding pedigree hunter families like Winchester and Harvelle is something to be rejoiced. It is also something to be meticulously planned, which thankfully the Host is very good at. Or, the romantic comedy where Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle are destined to get married, Castiel is given the task of playing matchmaker and fails terribly, the entire Heavenly Host becomes a sitcom audience, God warns against male pregnancy, and Jimmy Novak is incredibly unimpressed with angels in general.

Jimmy deserves a sainthood and frankly I don't even want to hear about crack if it's not on the level of the Host yelling at Cas not to touch the butt.

Classic AUs (AKA AUs from my first time around)

Try Something Tuesday by almaasi E | 48k | 144k hits

Dean Winchester teaches a third-grade class. He's new to this whole ‘bisexual’ thing - but by pure happenstance, he meets Castiel: a particularly dapper male librarian who moonlights as a substitute teacher. Dean's curious and Castiel is willing, so why the hell not? Except, fate never intended it to be one-time-only...

This was one of the first spn fics to really really stay with me and it never really left.

Rock 'n' Roll Queer Bar by ChasingRabbits E | 127k(Series)/ 8k (Part1) | 29k hits (Part1)

Ellen and Jo Harvelle run Harvelle's Roadhouse, a bar that unintentionally becomes a beacon for wayward queer souls. Her employees: Dean, the smartass runaway with a big heart and bigger mouth; Castiel, the college drop-out turned hippie; his (surprisingly heterosexual) trouble-making brother Gabriel; and Charlie, who has been told several times that the back room is not to be used for after-hours Dungeons & Dragons games. But there's a lot of love in this place, and a new family for anyone who may otherwise be without.

This series. If you've ever felt unsure or out of place or anxious or just really felt like no-one understood you, this fic is for you. I first found this series when I was coming to terms with my queerness and I genuinely think it was invaluable. Also I am a sucker for the go for a dinner at Cas's family and end up storming out trope.

Play It All Night Long by janie_tangerine (read by Tenoko1) NC17 | 43k (4hrs)

The rom-com-ish one where Dean hosts a late night radio show, Castiel is a regular listener of his who starts calling one day and ends up calling more often than not and Dean finds himself liking it. This, until one day Castiel calls for not exactly petty reasons (just before Dean's brother Sam is visiting with his girlfriend for spring break) and things get very, very crowdy at his place. He also doesn't know it's just the beginning of it. Also features Gabriel, Chuck, Andy, the Roadhouse crew and a huge amount of music quoted. Especially Bob Dylan.

Again, this podfic has got me through many a night of insomnia. Cas calls in after a particularly shitty day and it all goes from there.

New-School SPN (AKA post-2014)

Canon-Compliant or Divergent

Tall Grass by aeli_kindara E | 57k | 28k hits

“I think we should have a garden,” Cas says. Dean looks up from his beer. He hasn’t had that much to drink, but Cas still has a vague look of unreality about him, a splash of living color that doesn’t fit in the bunker’s echoing stillness. Dean didn’t hear him coming. A lot of the time, Cas is so unobtrusive it feels like Dean has the bunker to himself, with Sam away. Dean shakes his head to clear it. “A — garden?” he repeats.

There is a reason you will see this recced time and time again. It healed parts of me I didn't know needed healing.

So Says the Sword* by komodobits E | 85k | 73k hits

The briefing was simple: ‘Stand guard over the Michael Sword until the battle is ready to commence. Await further instructions.’ Castiel doesn’t mind working security duty; he was briefed shortly after the initial salvation of the Sword from the pit, and again before taking up his position. He knows what to do. However, it’s easy to forget that the green room isn’t real. Time moves differently there, the space ever-changing to make a prison of mountains, cathedrals, salt flats, orchards, and whatever Castiel was led to believe about Heaven’s greatest weapon—Dean Winchester is something entirely unexpected

I saw ssts mentioned in like every single If you're getting back into the fandom READ THIS rec list. For good reason. It's described as "canon-adjacent in that seasons one to three happened exactly the same, but when Dean goes to Hell, he is not raised by Castiel". It's one of the most interesting concepts I've read and it's one of those fics where the writing style will stick with you. Castiel POV in a way you've never read before.

Aching in the Absence of You* by sobsicles E | 95k | 9k hits (in 5 days)

Brittle and battle-worn, Cas looks at him over coffee one morning and says, "I need to go," and Dean instantly knows that he's not coming back. He's not really sure how he knows it, but he does. It settles into the pit of his stomach, curling hot and tight like something he instinctively wants to tear out with his bare hands. He takes a breath, and it gets stuck in his throat, hitching there. It hurts, hurts, hurts when he finally exhales. "Yeah," Dean says, "of course you do," and he nods jerkily as he looks down at his phone. He doesn't say goodbye. He doesn't look up from the screen when Cas gets up and leaves the room. He doesn't finish his coffee, or move for a long time. By nightfall, Cas is gone.

If you don't already know sobsicles, I am delighted to introduce you to the person who will smash you to pieces with a hammer to put you back together Kintsugi-style. This one is post-finale but without 15x18 (it'll make sense as it goes). Cas says he's going to leave again and again Dean doesn't ask him to stay. Full of lines so beautiful they'd make Shakespeare weep, Sobsicles has this way of writing that is so evocative and paints such a clear picture. Fair warning, if you're Dean-coded, this might be A Lot.

dumbassery, denial, doing (the three d's to the destination)** by sobsicles E | 108k | 25k hits

Freedom is just one adjustment after the next. ~~~ Cas hums again. "I think you already have. It's been months since everything settled. All that's left to do is...get used to it, and perhaps—" His voice stalls out, uncharacteristically, and his gaze roams Dean's face with intensity. When he speaks next, his tone is a little raw. "Perhaps what one does with peace is...whatever they want." "What if I don't even know what that is?" Dean grumbles, arching an eyebrow in challenge. "'Cause I know damn well you don't just mean good food and a good bed and time in Baby, not simple wants like that. You mean—ya know, the big things, the wants we didn't get to have before." "Yes," Cas agrees. "If you're not sure, figure it out." "Easier said than done."

Yes, two sobsicles recs back to back. This one I read first and it still holds such a special place in my heart. A sign of a good fic is being able to picture it perfectly. The sign of an amazing fic is that when reading this I was so in Dean's shoes I could feel a pool cue between my hands and Baby behind my back. And I sobbed like a baby in this. It has probably my favourite ending ever. It's genuinely beautiful. If you don't read another on this list, read this one.

Teaching Poetry to Fish by aeli_kindara M | 52k | 14k hits

In which Castiel teaches poetry to fish. Also, himself. Also, eventually, Dean. (A series-long story, diverging slightly from canon after S14.)

The ultimate Cas character study and interwoven with poetry.

So There It Is, I've Said It All by PorcupineGirl (read by Ceewelsh) G | 4k | 13k hits

"Why, do you have something you need to say to me that you don't think I'll like?" I think I'm in love with you. "Yeah. I guess so."

Dean figures out he's in love with Cas then can't stop thinking it. This is genuinely beautiful and if you've ever had trouble actually saying the thing you're thinking, you'll relate to Dean here. I recently did the podfic for this.

you won't find this place alone by amidsizedfrog G | 9.5k |

When Claire said she was dropping out of college to pursue hunting full time, Dean said, “right,” and left the room. Or, the cross-generation conversation about formal education, choosing your own path and figuring out what it looks like to find a family. Or, in other words: "But what I do have is a GED and a give-'em-hell-attitude, and I'll figure it out." - Dean Winchester

This is a beautiful look at education in the hunter world, and I love anything that looks at Dean and Bobby's relationship and this does it perfectly. Also best cameo ever.

Seek to Know You Better by ahurston E | 33k | 23k hits

Dean and Cas, a long stretch of highway, and 36 questions empirically designed to make two people fall in love. As if they weren't already.

This is perfect. It has a lovely slow pace like it has the vibes of an indie film if that makes sense? Like it's two guys going from place to place talking. It was an instant favourite.

Newer AUs (AKA more recent AUs)

And This, Your Living Kiss* by opal_bullets M | 57k | 69k hits

Only a very few people in the world know that the celebrated and reclusive poet Jack Allen is just Kansas mechanic Dean Winchester, a high school dropout with a few bucks to his name. Not that it matters anymore; life has left him so wrung out he never wants to pick up another pen. Until, that is, a string of coincidences leads Dean to auditing a poetry course with one Dr. Castiel Novak. The professor is wildly intelligent, devastatingly handsome...and just so happens to be academia's foremost expert on the poetry of Jack Allen.

When I asked which fics were absolute must-reads for someone who'd been out of the fandom a few years, this was said repeatedly. But what really got me to read it was everyone actually told me more about what it meant to them than just the summary. It's a study in poetry, a study in learning who you are and who you used to be, and a reminder that it's never too late.

The Graveyard Shift* by riseofthefallenone, PurgatoryJar E | 620k | 175k hits

Dean’s favourite coffee shop, The Graveyard Shift, is only open after the sun goes down. Which is perfect for him, because that’s exactly when he craves coffee the most while doing the overnight at the fire hall. The coffee shop’s owner is pretty perfect too, but it’s kind of a bummer that Dean never gets to see Cas during the day. In a world where the supernatural live more or less in peace with the rest of humanity, it’s a little impolite to ask Cas just what he really is - or what his dark past entails.

A fantastic magical realism fic - magical creatures live and work with humans. Gabe and Cas run a coffee shop, Dean is a fireman, and the burn is slow and delicious and the intrigue kept me reading for like a week every single spare minute.

Painted Angels by WinJennster E | 106k | 162k hits

Author Castiel Novak has finally hit the big time, with a book based on his failed college relationship with a brilliant painter. He's put all his pain behind him, but at a book signing, he comes face to face with Dean Winchester for the first time in twelve years, and the reunion doesn't go like Cas hoped. Dean's a broken man, with a lot of scars and secrets, shoulders weighed down by his demons and self loathing. Cas sees a second chance with the man he's never stopped loving, but Dean's moved on, and is about to get married. Sam launches a "brilliant" plan to reunite his brother and his best friend, but Cas is worried it will all blow up in their faces, and he'll go through the agony of losing Dean a second time.

The first part of this I actually saved back when I was first in the fandom but I never got around to reading it (I had a To Read folder of 100+ fics that I absolutely dove into when I got back into spn) and the rest of the series finished in 2016 so I'm counting it in this section not the other. On the one hand, I wish I'd read this when it first came out. It's beautiful and heartbreaking, and so visual. On the other hand, I think I appreciated it a lot more now than I would have seven years ago. The parallel of me coming back to the old fandom that I loved dearly with Cas coming back to see someone and places he loved so much really hit. (Although coming back to the spn fandom was much easier and much less heartbreak!)

Finale Fix-Its (yeah fuck you Dabb that this has to be a whole category)

The Goldenrod Revisions by aethylas M | 66k | 15k hits

A rewrite of Supernatural’s final two episodes, expanded into a five episode arc - in which Chuck needs to be defeated, Castiel deserves to be saved, and the characters in this story get a very different ending.

Script format re-write of 15x19 and 15x20 into a 5-episode finale fix-it. As far as I'm concerned, this and chocolatecakecas's American Pie fanvid are the Supernatural finale.

break the skin (to break the barriers)* by sobsicles M | 30k | 9k hits

The first time she meets him, he's nothing more than an almost-missed appointment. ~~~ Dean is silent for a long, tense moment, then he gruffly says, "It's not for banishing the angels. It's to summon them. So, it doesn't—it's not to get rid of 'em, but to draw 'em in." Mitzi can't help but glance up at him at that. His voice is so heavy with so much unexplained pain, and she doesn't understand why, or what angels have to do with it. She knows religion can impact people. She's very aware that it can get complicated, and that it can be a huge source of pain for someone, but Dean sounds grievously wronged, somehow, as if it's a truly personal thing. She pushes through, focusing back on her job, clearing her throat before murmuring, "Well, I guess we all want angels to visit us sometimes." "Just the one," Dean mumbles. "Your guardian angel?" Mitzi asks. Dean breathes out, "Something like that. As close to one as an angel will ever get."

Therapy through getting tattoos and telling your life story to someone who obviously doesn't think it's real. Outsider!POV not just done well, but done literally the best.

Kingdom Come by ahurston E | 17k | 10k hits

Cas wakes up on the coast of Maine. He makes his way home.

I don't know if this counts as finale fix-it as it's more fuck the finale we're ignoring that. There's just so much love and care in this fic.

The Family Business by chai_lattes M | 16k | 5.5k hits

It's all over. It's been weeks since Chuck's defeat and Cas' return from the Empty. There are no threats on the horizon, no apocalypses to stop, but there's something that keeps the Winchesters from being happy. Something that's maybe always been there. On their way back from a hunt, they find John Winchester, back from the dead.

If you're anything like me, you start rubbing your grubby little hands together at the tag John Winchester's A+ Parenting like yes let's address this! This is one of the best examples of John coming back and how it jars with the life that they have built. Also Claire and Jack getting to share screentime!

Merlin

If I have a forever fandom, it's Merlin. I've always kept one foot in this fandom, and it introduced me to fandom, and most importantly to podfic which kinda had an impact. All Merthur unless stated.

Canon-Verse

Seven Magpies by syllic (read by lunchee) E | 33k (3hr15) | 58k hits

Arthur opened his eyes a minute later to the sight of seven magpies streaking across the top of the clearing, their shapes dark against the white clouds and the muted grey of the sky. He tried to remember what it was that seven magpies meant—he'd had a nurse who had sung the rhyme to him as a child—but couldn't. Arthur wakes up somewhere he doesn't recognise, but where he clearly belongs.

Okay so this is an AU but it's Canon-AU so it's going here. Fantastic role reversal fic that you will be thinking about for weeks.

and from your grace, i fell by TheDragon (read by Ceewelsh) T | 4.6k (41mins) | 13k hits

“Where’s Merlin?” he asks the maid. “Where’s that idiot of a Court Sorcerer?!” “Begging your pardon, Your Majesty. I thought you knew,” the maid replies, not daring to look him in the eyes. “He’s taken ill.” “And he couldn’t be bothered to tell me himself that he would be unable to attend today’s council meeting?” Arthur questions, voice full of acid. “He hasn’t woken since he collapsed two days ago, Sire,” the maidservant says, blissfully unaware that what she’s saying the power to stop Arthur’s heart in its tracks.

When I first read this, it had me completely transfixed. I could not stop reading. It was so raw and so full of emotion. I was then lucky enough to get TheDragon in our exchange, so I did a podfic for it and it's probably the most proud I've been of one.

Modern AU

The Student Prince* by FayJay (read by FayJay) M | 145k (15hrs) | 696k hits

A Modern day Merlin AU set at the University of St Andrews, featuring teetotal kickboxers, secret wizards, magnificent bodyguards of various genders, irate fairies, imprisoned dragons, crumbling gothic architecture, arrogant princes, adorable engineering students, stolen gold, magical doorways, attempted assassination, drunken students, shaving foam fights, embarrassing mornings after, The Hammer Dance, duty, responsibility, friendship and true love...

A classic is a classic for a reason. I'm also pretty sure this introduced me to podfics so like special place in my heart x2. Did you know if you filter AO3 by hits on Merlin, this has 426k more hits than the second result? Now that is a Fandom Classic.

Drastically Redefining Protocol* by rageprufrock (read by lunchee) E | 46k (5hr30) | 269k hits

In which Prince Arthur meets Merlin and all hell promptly breaks loose.

As I always say, if this can happen to me and I still love the fic, nothing is going to change that. Arthur hides from his duties in a cupboard and gets stuck in there with a chainsmoking med student.

Fundamental Imperfections by Starlingthefool (read by bravenclawsome) M | 12k (1hr35) | 123k hits

In which an argument about Dickens leads to a Twitter scandal, broken bones, midnight conversations, and transatlantic longing. (Or, an AU with Arthur and Merlin as moderately famous authors.)

This fic has everything: Charles Dickens, long distance texting, Morgana choking a Sherlock cosplayer with his own scarf. This is the ultimate comfort fic and I compare all fics to this even when they're incomparable. I never read the sequel because it was WIP and I was waiting for it to complete, it hasn't been updated since 2015 and apparently ends on an unhappy note, so if you're going to read the sequel you have been warned.

Les Mis

Modern!AU

Overzealous Oddities by YassHomo e/R, Courf/Cosette/Marius, Comb/Ép | G | 6.4k | 4k hits

Courfeyrac: Remember when I smashed our tv and we laughed about it? Enjolras: No. Courfeyrac: Let me rephrase Courfeyrac: I've smashed our tv, lets laugh about it.

I love me a text fic and this is in my opinion the best one around. Just look at that summary. I have quoted that so many times.

But Paris was a very old city and we were young* by GingerNinjaAbi E/R, Courf/Jehan | M | 99k | 42k hits

Perhaps somewhere in between all the cups of coffee, shots of tequila, sunny March days, terrible lumpy jumpers, love, cigarettes, drunken nights and the desire to change the world they'll all leave Paris with a degree in something. Or not. Grantaire's money is on no. But he's a pessimist who's hopelessly in love, so perhaps his opinion shouldn't count.

The ULTIMATE modern!AU tbh.

Tagged by Salomonderiel E/R, Courf/Jehan | E | 155k | 28k hits

So there's this artist. He could probably be compared to Banksy, but he's a lot more... cynical. He shares rooms with a poet who braids his hair with flowers, in a flat near Covent Garden they rent from a short-tempered shop keeper with a penchant for fans and who'd do anything if you mentioned Poland. Sometimes, the three of them will go and deface public buildings in London whilst completely smashed off their heads. And then there's this, shall we say, 'revolutionary'. He has a band of other revolutionaries, who all meet at this cafe by Borough Market. He shares rooms with his best mate, a philosophy student, spends too much time with a flirty guy who has a thing for poets, goes boxing with a guy in a red vest, wants to punch the wet sop who drools on the blonde waitress and is getting tired of this guy who keep breaking his laptops through sheer dumb luck. Thank god the hypochondriac's there to keep an (slightly too) attentive eye on their stress levels. The revolutionary thinks the graffiti artist's work is a waste of space. The artist thinks the revolutionary's campaigns are a waste of time. And all the while, the poet and the flirt drool over each other in the background...

This is perfect and it's funny and it's beautiful and it rips my heart out multiple times.

Canon

To Be Free by kjack89 (read by Ceewelsh) Gen, Cosette/Marius | T | 3.8k (32mins) | 375 hits

Three blows from a bayonet had transfixed Combeferre’s breast, followed by a fall from the barricade as he rapidly lost first blood and then consciousness. But neither of these, it seemed, was enough to kill him, as much as later he might perhaps wish that they were.

I read this because it was on a list kjack89 did of their favourite fics which don't necessarily have the same hits traffic. It's nothing I would have usually read (canon era, not e/R, MCD) but I am so glad I gave it a go. It's a study on what if Combeferre had survived the barricades too and the guilt. This stayed with me for days afterwards until I eventually messaged kjack89 to get permission to podfic it.

BatFam

Canonish (I don't know differences between canons but these are all they're superheros fics)

Robins United by laceymcbain (read by reena_jenkins) Gen | T | 49k (6h15)/ 19k (2h25) (First part) | 103k hits

Bullets, knives, a three story fall, even a fucking crowbar hadn't managed to keep Jason down permanently, but Dick Grayson (and the rest of his "family") was going to kill him with kindness.

The ultimate batbros series. Also if you haven't heard reena_jenkins' podfics before, you are welcome. Pre-pandemic I took a lot of public transport and reena_jenkins kept me sane.

batcoons by drakefeathers (read by reena_jenkins) Gen | G | 6k (49mins) | 14k hits

Jason and raccoons have a lot in common. (Additionally: his so-called family are much bigger pests than the stray animals hanging around his safehouse.)

This is funny, it's heartwarming, and it's a really good character study.

Here Comes the Sun by batsy_rocks Clark/Bruce | T | 19k | 20k hits

Clark Kent is a kind-hearted reporter working in the big city. Bruce Wayne is a stressed dad of four with no idea of what he's doing. Then they meet.

Bruce Wayne is a Tired Single Dad™. It's genuinely such a sweet fic.

#fic rec #spn fic rec #merlin fic rec #les mis fic rec

23 notes · View notes

lunarmessenger · 4 years

Text

RFA Dating Asexual MC - RFA, V, + Saeran

request sent in by @engel-katze . this is for you, angel!

DISCLAIMER: I myself am NOT asexual and I can’t convey the broad spectrum that is asexuality. If any of my followers are asexual and feel like this does not represent them at all please let me know and I will adjust it to the best of my ability. I would hate to misrepresent anybody, and I want to make sure you all are seen and heard as accurately as possible. I love you. - luna xx

warnings: some sexual themes, but nothing too crazy.

Zen:

• He’s taken by surprise for sure

• He doesn’t understand it at first; he thought that maybe you just weren’t ready to go all the way with him yet, and he respected that

• But one night the both of you were exchanging kisses here and there and his hands started to wander and you could see his expression getting darker with need

• So you shoved him off of you and onto the floor

• “MC I’m so sorry I should have known that you weren’t ready yet I—”

• He isn’t hurt at all by your pushing away he just wants to understand

• And so you explain to him that it’s not...personal per say

• You thought that he was very handsome and if you could, you would absolutely jump his bones every second

• Though he’d never tell his ego was nice and fluffed by that reassurance

• But the thought of the act of having sex (with anybody, not just him) made you physically sick and he never made you feel bad about it once; if anything he was happy that you were communicating

• The two of you discuss maybe alternatives or different ways to both have that sexual release with each other, without any sort of act of intercourse involved so that it wouldn’t negatively effect you.

Yoosung

• His self esteem took a rather hard hit for sure

• He thought that you didn’t even romantically like him and didn’t know how to tell him otherwise

• One night his hand was on your thigh and he started softly running his hand up and down

• You looked away from the television to look at him, noticing how his brows were furrowed from nerves as he looked at you.

• “Yoosung...?” Your voice was anxious and he could tell, but he thought that maybe if he just tried a little harder; made the first push.

• He kissed you once, and then gently placed you in his lap, and as you sat there you could feel his lower region beginning to harden

• “Oh, oh God no wait—” You hurriedly pushed yourself off, standing away from him across the coffee table as his face fell

• “Is...is it me? Am I not attractive enough? I know that I’m not rich like Jumin, or as toned and attractive as Zen, but...” His eyes started to fill with tears and you instantly felt your heart sank

• “No! Oh, God Yoosung no please...” You hurriedly ran to his lap and knelt in front of him, taking his hands in yours

• You tried your best to explain what it was and why you didn’t really want to have sex with him

• He was so relived that he cried

• He’s lowkey okay with it because while, he’s never experienced sex and he knows that he wants to have sex and experiences sexual attraction

• He’s too anxious about his performance in the bedroom to do anything anyway; he just tried initiating things because he thought that’s what you wanted

Jaehee

• Not even phased lmao

• You’d decided to tell her one night after work when the two of you were exhausted and you just blurted it out

• “I...I’m asexual, Jaehee. I don’t...I don’t feel sexual attraction.”

• “....okay.”

• That was literally it

• You were actually a little pissy that she reacted so calmly; since that’s not the reaction you usually get

• She honestly didn’t care if you wanted to have sex or not; if anything after you’d explained to her what it was she herself thought that that might be her sexuality too

• She has always been romantically attracted to women, but when it came to sex for either gender she just felt...like it was pointless. No need.

• “I think I was able to take it so easily MC is because, well, I think I am too.”

• You were okay with that. More than okay with that.

Jumin

• It was hard enough for Jumin to get a better understanding of his own emotions

• You didn’t want to overwhelm him with your sexuality, especially because of how rare it was

• One night the two of you were in bed, his hands wandering over your body as you two kissed

• You weren’t fully comfortable but you figured maybe, just maybe you could do it. For him.

• That didn’t work well at all

• “Are you sure, MC?”

• “Yes, Jumin. Go ahead.”

• “...Then why are you crying?” You hadn’t even realized until he said it, shaking your head softly as you sniffed

• “Don’t worry about it okay? Just..are you almost done?”

• “MC.” He was concerned and a little hurt, immediately pulling away as he turned on the bedroom lights

• You covered your naked body and immediately began to sob, Jumin holding you close as your body shook from how hard you were crying

• “I’m so sorry, please don’t be angry with me. I...I’m asexual, Jumin. I can’t do it I can’t—”

• “Shh, MC it’s alright. It’s okay. I just wish you’d told me sooner, darling...”

• After that night Jumin tried his best to make sure he didn’t cross any boundaries

• If he wasn’t working on paperwork from his job he was reading a book on asexuality and researching it, just to make sure he knew the ins and outs of a rather important part of you

707

• He thinks you’re joking at first when you tell him the poor idiot

• He knows that asexuality is rare and so he figured it was just another sort of prank or joke that you were trying to pull

• To be fair you were rather nonchalant about it because you figured it was important he know and that he wouldn’t make a big deal out of it like others have in the past

• So he freaks out when out of nowhere he shoves his hands down your pants with a cheeky giggle while you guys are play fighting and you immediately scream and bite his shoulder

• And I mean bite it like you drew blood from how hard you bit this man

• “Ah! MC, what the hell?!”

• “I should be asking you that! What is your problem? Don’t stick your hand down my pants you asshole!”

• You immediately ran out of the living room and slammed the bedroom door behind you, feeling embarrassed and a little violated by your own boyfriend

• While he hurriedly tends to his shoulder to stop the bleeding his mind immediately drifts back to the conversation you’d had with him towards the beginning of the relationship

• He literally wants to kms he’s so mad at himself

• He figured you two hadn’t had sex yet because you were just trying to take it slow; after all it’d only been a few months

• Now he understands

• He gave you time to calm down and after about an hour he reaches out to you

• He fiercely apologizes and promises that he will educate himself better and take you more seriously

• Like Jumin he’s not really familiar with the term itself

• So when you bring it up to him he’s a little embarrassed to ask so many questions to clarify what that meant for the two of you

• “Essentially, you don’t feel sexual attraction? Like when you look at me, or anybody else who you want to have sex you just don’t feel the need to?”

• “In a way, yeah. Every person who is asexual is different, but that’s how I feel about it. I personally can have sex with you I just... I won’t really want it and I don’t need it.”

• Still a bit confused but he respects your boundaries, always

• “Okay, MC. Thank you for letting me know.”

• He’s never been in a relationship like this before, and his last one was a complete train wreck

• But he’s trying

• You both establish boundaries with one another when it comes to intimacy; what he’s comfortable with and what you’re comfortable with

• It was a bit rough and took a lot of adjusting but with patience and progress the two of you ended up with a healthy and happy relationship

Saeran

• “You’re what?”

• He really isn’t trying to be an asshole, he just genuinely is surprised and confused

• He’s still dealing with his emotional and physical trauma that he went through from his childhood and Mint Eye

• The idea of having sex and being intimate with you was the last thing on his mind and you were okay with that

• At first he thought that your sexuality had something to do with your upbringing and trauma and he thought you two would be able to relate

• While you didn’t have the easiest childhood, that wasn’t why you were asexual. That’s just...the way you were. You always have been asexual you were just born that way.

• “So it’s like when you’re gay? Or bisexual?”

• “Yes precisely.”

• He understands a lot more now and he tries his best to educate himself and keep himself in line

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jason-pipers · 4 years

Text

the jason/piper breakup and jason’s subsequent death

it is a long and angry post so you have been warned

I’m really sick of seeing Jason Grace/Piper McLean slander in their own tag, and I’m really, really sick of seeing people justify their breakup/his death as good writing.

As I’ve been studying literature and text for the past four years at Uni- I can say with absolute confidence that The Burning Maze utilizing Jason and Piper was horrible. Like a bag of shit mixed together then smeared on paper and published kind of horrible. Actually, you don’t even really need a degree to be able to point out the very basic absurdity of them appearing in TBM. So even though I have a paper due on a completely unrelated topic and a lot of homework, I naturally decided this was a much better thing to write about:

Maybe in another world, Rick’s ghostwriters will be better at writing his books. The reason why the Jason/Piper breakup was extremely confusing and done very poorly in the sense of their character arcs was that there was no buildup to the breakup. In fact, I think these two got together off-screen and broke up off-screen. Yet, I’m sure Riordan sat at his desk thinking “now why don’t people just like Jason and Piper?? I give them so much!” Actually, you gave them nothing. It’s also considerably easy to disguise their breakup as logical when it isn’t. Now, people will argue that the basic foundation of the relationship was poorly made because of Hera’s meddling and that’s why they broke up. This is a lazy way to think about it because it’s obvious you don’t care about the characters so you should just say that and go. Hera’s meddling (putting false memories of Jason in Piper’s head and wiping Jason’s brain) really only gave Piper a vague notion of Jason (based on real attributes the Mist pulls) and also gave PERCY and Jason multiple relationships after the switcheroo. But Piper actually meets Jason and then has a subsequent breakdown that maybe he’s not her boyfriend. However, once she gets to know the real Jason (very accurate to the one she knew in her memories because Aphrodite said she could sense real possibilities hinting at their romance), she is still developing romantic feelings for him. It’s implied that the reason why Piper is falling so fast is because the memories she has of Jason are based on the real Jason. It’s easy to establish that Piper has real romantic feelings for Jason, not the made up Jason because the majority of TLH is them getting to know each other. If she felt like there was some confusion on her part about developing feelings for him because of Hera switching Percy and Jason- why did it not come up EVER? The months where Jason and Piper started dating. How about that long ass quest on the Argo? It could have been a valid plot line but it never came up. If it had come up near the end of the series or maybe even if it was a small subplot in the series, it would make the breakup logical, at least narratively. But no, we end Blood of Olympus with Jason and Piper coming full circle with the moment in the stars. Flash forward three years later to TBM where everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) about Piper and Jason are thrown into the trash. They’re broken up due to the false memories and overall I guess it’s implied Piper doesn’t have feelings for him anymore or something? Or the trauma of being in something like that prophecy was a lot for her to handle and she needed some time to figure things out? Yeah of course! Just like when she will go through another trauma (Jason dying for her) and start dating someone new right after. This would be so much easier to read and digest if these things are shown- in their own series and maybe not as a side thing to Apollo’s series. Reading it in TOA was completely out of left field. I know SO MANY PEOPLE were like that makes so much sense! Good for you Piper! But I was like girl, who are you? I feel like I have not spent any time with you and none of what you’re saying is connecting to anything you were like before. Which leads me to believe people just did not like Piper in HOO but just say that and go. HOO Piper is not TBM/TOA Piper. RR doesn’t know how to characterize his own goddamn characters. Furthermore, everything in canon up until TBM implies and directly states that Jason and Piper are endgame. It’s not to say they didn’t have problems that were resolved or that the way they got together was conventional. There was not even a smidge bit of reluctance to admit they were canon endgame- I think RR even had Cupid involved. There was no prediction or even hint of what would happen in TBM in HOO, which is a very big narrative problem. Jason, always isolated by loved ones and quite frankly always shouldering way more than a human can handle dies exactly the way he suffers. There is no growth or even a small lovely moment where we can see Jason.

This brings me to the most unnecessary death I’ve ever read in my life. I know RR’s ego hurt from the complaints about Jason/Piper/Frank/Hazel/Leo (basically a non-Percabeth character) being underdeveloped. I know his ego was fucked when he “killed” Leo but didn’t really kill Leo so everyone was like what the fuck. I know he wanted to prove he is a good writer but like any other bad writer, he decided to jump the shark. And I know he wanted Jason and Piper to be more likable but the fandom really wanted a Leo-esque character. The breakup really happened because he wanted to demonstrate to critics that he could live with couples not being endgame and knew Jasiper was relatively unpopular compared to Percabeth/Caleo/etc. He wasn’t thinking in terms of ‘does this fit what I’ve created’ but in terms of ‘people might be like oh shit this is violent and they’re finally gone!’. I don’t know what idiotic thought process made him reach the point of killing one of them but he obviously got there. See, there is no difference between Jason or Piper dying in TBM. It could’ve easily been Piper who was impaled by Caligula and reminded Apollo “what it’s like to be human”. They were made *that* insignificant in TBM. Pretty much fucking interchangeable. IN DEATH. It also could’ve been anybody else in the world. It could’ve been that cheerleader from The Battle of the Labyrinth. It could’ve been Piper’s dad. It could have been Sally Jackson. Not a single part of Jason’s death was really related to Jason or his growth. Jason was the main/lead from HOO and if he was destined to die (which he wasn’t because RR doesn’t think anything through anymore), he should have died in his own series. That would make his sacrifice more compelling and important, but dying in TOA is just a big fuck you to his character. I think the only equivalent I can think of is if HOO had solely been Jason’s series but RR pulled up Percy to simply kill him and then just kept writing. What the fuck does TOA have anything to do with Jason or Piper? Or even Leo? I usually love when characters make cameo appearances to remind us of the past we loved them in. Kind of like when Lynda Carter appeared as Asteria in WW1984. Conversely, involving them in the plot and then using them as a plot device for the main character- AKA USING YOUR MAIN CHARACTER AS A PLOT DEVICE FOR ANOTHER MAIN CHARACTER IN A SEPARATE SERIES- is not only dumb but it truly makes everything else you’ve written for the first main character devoid of any real significance. Jason was never a fully fleshed-out character, the way he deserved to be written, because RR couldn’t world build as well as he thought and that ‘every single character gets a POV’ didn’t do the legendary thing he thought it did. However, anything that mattered about Jason was pretty much killed in TBM because he was easily killed by a villain that was not even remotely interested in Jason or aware of his existence. What does FUCK does Caligula mean to Jason? Nothing. Did the final battle create a full circle for Jason other than the line “remember?” which is not really related to his amnesia- no. His character arc was about an identity crisis- being pushed and pulled in two directions. Jason barely means anything to Apollo so RR using Jason as a convenient kill to send home a message is also shitty for Apollo. Lead hero characters can die- they sometimes just have to. Marissa Cooper’s death in the OC narratively makes sense due to the nature of the character being a damsel in distress from the very beginning- a foil to her counterpart, Ryan Atwood. But in this case, RR knew he had to shock people to keep getting $$$. I never got the impression RR cared about Jason or Piper, especially since he was incredibly disrespectful and lazy when writing about Piper. (For that- I can link really detailed posts explaining his racism). The truth is Riordan cannot live without putting his characters in relationships- Frazel, Caleo, Tyson/Ella (?), Hedge/Mellie- but he wanted to prove that he could which is why Jasiper broke up.

Piper’s girlfriend in TON- I didn’t read TON for the reasons above and I don’t think I’ll ever read a Riordan book again: I did find out that Piper gets a GF in TON which at first I thought was incredibly neat but then later became angry when I learned it was only months after Jason’s death? I have always wanted Piper to explore her sexuality but RR has this case of never giving important things the development it deserves. He’s incredibly messy and inconsistent when he creates lgbtqia+ characters, usually only including them so he can get credit for including them. He’s never actually explored Piper’s sexuality fully in the series, but he threw her in yet another relationship we didn’t get to read about right after she was almost beaten to death and then witnessed the murder of her ex-boyfriend. If you think that is representation, please rethink that. We don’t get to hear her talk about anything at all, except maybe mentioning the girl’s name. A subtle hint. Just representation is not good representation and it is right that we demand better representation. Don’t settle for less. For fuck’s sake, Riverdale is only really good at queerbaiting but they get so much praise. (Do they? At this point I can’t tell). If we wanted to explore Piper’s sexuality, it could have been done while she was with Jason or even broken up with him in her own series- why didn’t RR explore the nature of being lgbtqia+ in an Indigenous family? He had the chance to demonstrate an awareness of intersectionality through Piper but he fucked up. He had so much to write about. So, people who are yelling happily about that Piper appearance in TON-???

This was long and frustrating to write. But I had feelings.

#jason grace #Piper McLean #percy jackson #pjo #jasiper #jasper #jiper #toa #trials of apollo #Heroes of Olympus

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dirtyrottenraskel · 4 years

Text

my take on yueki's personalities

yue

notes / personality

cocky (but also like understated confidence - r e g a l af)

kind of a nerd

maybe a little entitled, and a little bratty and suki loves to indulge her or to rile her up depending on her mood

books

seems soft but made of steel

strong sense of duty

socially intelligent - can be manipulative and suki (the dork) thinks it is so hot

aloof queen bee typa beat

supportive, both in ur day to day and in going after your big moral life goals

deep water - steady and powerful, often underestimated

untold depths, private yet surprisingly nurturing - master of deflecting away from herself

political nerd - well read, and when she has someone she trusts not to take advantage of her, she goes OFF

distrusting of most people, has been used and ignored and underestimated her whole life

patient - homegirl knows how to play the long game

excellent at pai sho / chess

she and suki have epic battles of wits - dif types of strategy but both are really into it and get a little too competitive (multiple board games have had to be replaced over the years)

loves travel bc wasn’t allowed to much, esp when she was sick

was super repressed growing up - never let her be herself or really have any sort of independence

used to sneak out and wander around in rebellion and casually sabotage plans and decisions she didn’t agree with

introverted, many opinions but keeps them to herself, discreet but well spoken

weaponizes secrets and information - doesn’t often use it but...she could

definitlyyyyy worries and overthinks and re-evaluates - worries ab social politics a lot

obsessive about picking things - wants it to be perfect

shes growing into her confidence as a leader

prefers quite intimate places

incredibly romantic

classic lit

planner for the future - visionary

kind / sweet / gentle - yes, but that’s also her “front” to a degree (seriously, i feel like she gets painted as so sweet and submissive and one dimensional by the fandom a lot of times and it freakin kills me)

INFJ-T (The Advocate) ((yes this is from 16p which i know is not super accurate but u can still catch her overall vibes from it ya know)

Creative/insightful/principled/compassionate/altruistic

sensitive/reluctant to open up/perfectionist/prone to burnout/not a fan of the ordinary

friendships / relationships

(<> indicates that they’re one of her best friends)

sokka - puppy love crushes, laugh ab it now, get into deep late night talks about responsibilities and leading, water tribe culture, prank wars (no one believes sokka when he says yue is a mean prank master (expect suki comes to see it in action lol))

katara - <> badass women friendship, totally would go to matches and protests together, tough girl shit, waterbending practice/duels - start of cautious, but then get rough in a good way bc they trust each other, they do water tribe food adventures together

toph - indulges her chaos, bonding over stupid royal upbringings, odd yet weirdly endearing pair

zuko - both sort of standoffish gay royals, but once they come to see that they are friends - take up similar spaces though, so only hang out in a group or rarely by themselves, they do hang out at like political parties and stuff when they get more comfortable together

aang - <> he has an impressive world view, yue is super studied and well read, so she and aang nerd out over past cultures together, and also their peace keeping nature, they have tea together often - usually after she and katara wipe the floor w/ each other

clothing / aesthetic:

blues and pale colors

classy and understated wealth

like those cute feminine button down shirts

dresses

like cold weather classy

complicated braids

sort of soft girl aesthetic?

pleated skirts !!!

i feel like she would wear ethically sourced fur (i don’t wear fur but idk how to get it in an ethical way - maybe it’s just fake??)

knit sweaters and skinny jeans and heeled ankle boots

light academia !!!

hella funky earrings - to mark her native pride and also cuz gay

from my readings, tattoos have a lot of cultural significance for Inuit women, and so i feel like yue would totally have some (when she comes of age ofc)

suki

notes / personality

extroverted

also very strategic

more spontaneous tho - will totally calculate the odds in a spilt second in her head and then just go for it

like still a careful planner, but willing to say fuck it, yolo if it seems right

reflects on her mistakes, but more in like a healthy way - unless it was a leadership mistake, then it eats her up inside - worries more ab keeping her girls safe and making the right call

likes lively places

total bashful romantic

manages the present and the short term - realist

loves to do lists

a little punch happy - loves to make violent threats, but also does it out of excitement and she’s just a really physical person tbh

steady, can come off as stubborn and abrasive but she really just wants what’s best for everyone she loves

harsh on herself and worries about her girls a lot

always ends up in the oddest situations

totally would kick someone’s ass for being racist/sexist/homophobic/etc

dedicated to her training and her regime

not a great cook, but she can manage

would drink monsters

has a weird relationship with femininity - took her awhile to reconcile strength and toughness and being assertive and aggressive with also wanting to feel pretty and feminine and embracing being a girl and how those things can coincide and amplify each other

abandonment issues - parents absent/dead

was imprisoned - obvi she had several almost successful escape attempts, but she got really close to breaking

was incredibly independent really early, grew up really fast and tries to make up for that now by sometimes being reckless

tough/assertive/woman of action

dry sense of humor/sarcastic - not good at nickname/pun humor tho

practical/dedicated/strong-willed/direct/honest/reliable/loyal/patient

stubborn/judgmental/difficult to relax/difficulty expressing emotions/too selfless

friendships / relationships

(<> indicates that they’re one of her best friends)

sokka - <> man they’re like platonic soulmates - she beat him up, and now they spar all the time, totally funny and crack jokes all the time, go skating together, they do shitty art together, and then show their lovers after zuko and yue come back from their high society mixers, broke her out of prison, m/f friendship !!!

katara - also sparring buddies (suki will throw down at any literally moment (and tbh so will katara)), not close but will hang in a group - go to each other for advice

toph - <> listen these two wreak havoc together, they help each other out a lot, i feel like they’re shopping buddies (similar enough style to frequent the same shops) toph knows suki won’t judge her for wanting to feel pretty and suki knows toph will be honest, they are both blunt sarcastic assholes and get along like a house on fire

zuko - <> shows zuko how to like,,,enjoy things (and how to let go of some of that pressure to be always right and the adult and in charge bc they were raised with so much responsibility on their shoulders even tho they were just kids)? she is also super protective of him (once she trusts him), one of the only ppl who can match suki fully in hand to hand combat, both do the Disappointed Parent Look when the group falls into chaos, but by themselves, the two of them end up in hijinks

aang- suki enjoys his optimism and they’re just chill bros, they love exploring abandoned placed together

clothing / aesthetic

sporty and skater mixed

ripped jeans, crewnecks, vans

green and yellow and dark red

gym clothes/athleisure - lifting style gym clothes - cut off t-shirts and bike shorts

skirts too, likes to play into femininity

she’s a gold jewelry kinda girl - but stuff that won’t hinder her movements

necklaces that end in the hollow of her throat & occasionally rings

definitely cuffs all of her jeans (it’s just bisexual culture ya know)

so many crop tops - some came like that, some were more of a diy project

yueki’s relationship!!!

nerd/jock solidarity

feel the burden of responsibility and the weight on their shoulders

they create a safe space between them, full of trust and warmth and vulnerability

yue will read suki sappy passages from poetry books while suki polishes her fans

they slow dance in the kitchen a lot

they get good at ordering takeout - and they have some weird decision making process that only they understand - bc neither of them are great cooks

yue would feel jealous of suki and sokka, if it weren’t for how stupid in love sokka was with zuko and yue can see that suki really only has eyes for her

yue is taller than suki and it amuses her to no end to pick suki up and carry her away from a fight (we all know suki could get away if she wanted to, but when ur hot tall sexy gf throws u over her shoulder,,,,,,u don’t complain)

joke they’ve adopted kataang and zukka, bc they’re all dummies, but in reality every last one of them is stupid LMAO

they love to do each other’s hair and it’s like super intimate and really cute

sometimes it’s these epic elaborate hairstyles and then at other times, they try to see how many ponytails they can fit on suki’s head and how many little braid yue can do

they travel EVERYWHERE

since yue is royalty and suki is her body guard,,,, well i mean, they totally have to see these kingdoms they are doing trade deals with in person

it helps that they're friends with a lot of them

they stay over in everything from camping so they can stargaze to ritzy hotels with hot tubs in the bathroom

yue gives suki rocks she finds on all their travels and suki lines them up on their mantle around the pictures of them in increasingly weird locations

suki loves guarding yue’s meetings bc she gets to watch her absolutely rip a new one into misogynistic old men and it never fails to bring her joy

While yue doesn’t love getting attacked, the ruthless efficiency suki defends her with is like,,,,,stupid attractive

#wow this got long #this is a mix of modern au and canon verse headcanons #but yeah #let these girls have more dimension than just soft uwu gfs #esp yue #yueki #headcanon #atla #yue #suki #yue x suki #wlw #zukka #kataang #sapphic

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harrysgloves · 4 years

Text

Fine Line (Chapter 5)

>>>Catch up with the Fine Line Masterlist!<<<

word count: 2.5k

story summary: Since you were kids you and Harry had always walked that fine line of friends or something more. Now, pregnant by someone else, you find yourself staying with your long time best friend after things go sour with your boyfriend of 3 years.

Singlemom!Reader x Harry Styles

chapter summary: Your last night with your friends in town ends the same way it did in your childhood, curled up with Harry.

warnings: Language

a/n: Editing? I don’t know her. xx

>>><<<

You flipped through a trashy magazine as your head laid on the soft pillow on Harry's couch. You knew you should have been looking for an apartment but you were determined to spend your remaining night with your girls in peace.

"What are you going to do when you can't paint your toes yourself?" Gemma asked as she dipped the brush back into the yellow polish you had snagged from Harry's bathroom cabinet.

"Make Harry do it." You said with a smile as you flipped another page.

"Fucker used to steal my polish so much." She grumbled as you let out a snorting laugh.

"You two ever going to talk about your thing?" Abby asked as she plopped back down in the living room a jar of pickles and peanut butter in hand along with ice cream and mayonnaise in the other. Your pregnancy cravings were already out of control and weird as hell.

"We don't have a thing." You said as you reached from the pickle jar, Abby jerking it out of your reach as she glared at you.

"We didn't believe you when you were 14. We don't believe you now." Gemma scoffed as she screwed the top back on the nail polish bottle.

"Withholding pickles from a pregnant lady should be illegal." You whined as you laid back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling of Harry's house.

"Just tell us the truth." Abby said with a smile as she tauntingly held the pickles in front of your eyes from where you laid.

"Nothing to tell." You said as you stared longingly at the jar of food that quickly disappeared from your line of sight. Your eyes following it to see the very unimpressed Abby's disbelieving face staring at you.

"Bullshit." Gemma said with a laugh as she took the jar of pickles, eating one, and mouthing 'so good'. Adding fuel to the flames as you rolled your eyes at her.

"The room you're staying in is decorated in bunnies, and you're trying to tell us nothing is going on?" Abby's eyebrow raised at you as Gemma happily ate YOUR pickles.

"Oi, it was a stupid childhood nickname." You said as you made grabby hands for the jar that Gemma pulled out of your reach.

"Fine, you two really want to know?" You asked with a huff their heads nodding instantly as they situated themselves for story time.

"Wait." Gemma paused as she got settled in her spot. "You're not going to tell me weird sex shit about my brother, right?"

"I will if you don't hand me that jar." You said barely having time to catch it as she shrieked and threw it at you.

"That's what I thought." You mumbled as you got the jar of mayonnaise, opening both to dip your pickle in it.

"God, that's fucking disgusting." Gemma said as she pulled a grossed out face. Watching you eating your snack with pure disgust.

"Never mind that. Spill the tea." Abby said as she laid her head in her hands, peering up to the couch at you.

"You two asked for it." You mumbled under your breath. Your back pressed against the couch as you let out a sigh.

"So, you know we were always close right?" You said as you dipped a pickle in the jar of mayonnaise. Their heads nodding their agreement as Abby gestured for you to continue with your story.

"And that summer before he left for his first tour we were really close?" Your eyes stayed fixed on your treat, teeth chewing the side of your cheek as you thought back to your time with your sweet Hazza.

"Yes! Oh my god, get on with it!" Abby groaned as you rolled your eyes at her. Gemma looking somewhere between curious and weirded out.

"Well, we had sex, he was my first."

"Ew. Okay, I don't think I can do this." Gemma said as she pulled a disgusted face. Abby quickly slapping her across the shoulder telling her to shut it as you continued.

"Anyways," You said as you glared at Gemma. "Afterwards, he started saying all this shit about staying with me 'cause my dad had just got his diagnosis, you know?"

Your eyes stinging with tears you were holding back as you swallowed harshly. The memories of your dad explaining to you that he wasn't just a normal kind of sick burning into your mind. The feeling of absolute hopelessness engulfing you all over again as he explained to you that he was too far gone for chemo treatments.

"So, I told him it was over. Whatever we had was a one time thing." You said as you took a bite from your snack as Abby's eyes widened.

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"Cause of the look Gemma is giving me right now." You said with a smile as Gemma continued to look absolutely horrified.

"It's just weird picturing my brother and you…" She trailed off as she gagged dramatically.

"Ew, don't picture us!" You shrieked, throwing a couch pillow at her.

"I can't help it!"

"Wait, so, have you liked him this whole time?" Abby asked as she ripped the pillow away from Gemma, your face giving away the answer before you could even speak.

"It's complicated." You said with a sigh. Your hands running down your face as you groaned.

"Can't be that complicated." Abby said as she rolled her eyes. Your hormones flaring as you debated smacking her. It was complicated. Or at least, to you it was complicated.

"I moved on with Jess." Your lips pursed as you thought about all the times he was there for you.

You had known him growing up but he was more Harry's friend than your friend. Once Harry left you two got closer. After your dad passed and your mom got sick he fell into place as the person who helped you through everything. By the time Harry got back from tour you'd convinced yourself you'd moved on. Replacing Harry with Jesse.

"Oh, you mean the asshole who knocked you up and left?" Gemma said with a very blatant tone of anger running through her voice. Even though you couldn't blame her for being angry, hell even you were still angry at him. You still had this part of your mind nagging at you to protect him. After all, he was the father of your soon to be child.

"Think he just needs time." You swallowed down the lump in your throat from the lie you had just told. Both your friends not believing you but neither one of them wanting to push the topic and trigger a hormonal meltdown.

>>>

"Wish you guys weren't leaving so soon." You said a little while later. Another rom-com playing in the background as you braided Abby's hair.

"I know." Gemma sighed, her eyes shooting up from her spot on the floor as you tried your best to hide the disappointment on your face.

You were going to miss them.

Miss the comfort and stability they gave you.

"I can stay another week." Abby popped up, making you stop fiddling with her hair.

"No you can't. Your boss already hates you and Kevin hasn't stopped calling since you left. The boy is like a lost puppy without you." A smile on your face as Abby swatted away your hands. Pissed you called out her man like that but you thought it was adorable.

He absolutely loved her. Exactly how she should be loved. Exactly how you wanted to be loved and accepted by some future partner.

"He's not a lost puppy." She grumbled as Gemma laughed.

"Yes he is!" She said through giggles, your own laugh ringing through the air as Abby grumbled from in front of you.

"Missin' all the fun?" Harry said from the dining room, a grin on his face as he saw all of you in his living room. Remembering all the times you three would camp out in the living room back when you were kids.

"Fun's just starting." You said as you moved over on the couch, tapping for him to sit beside you. "'Bout to make this lot flip on Footloose."

"No!" Gemma cried as she looked at you. Her eyes pleading with you to not make her watch it.

"God, please. Any other movie!" Abby groaned as Harry let out a chuckle, settling beside you on the couch. His arm around the back of it as you settled into his side.

"Come on. Me and Y/N know all the dance moves." Harry said with that toothy grin as his hand cupped the side of your head. His fingers playing with your hair as you hummed your agreement.

"Wish mum was here. She wouldn't let you two watch it." Gemma huffed with her hands crossing over her chest. Her eyes glaring at the ceiling.

"Whatever. We killed it back then. Only dance this fucker knew how to do." You said as you nudged Harry in his side.

"Oi, I wasn't that bad of a dancer!" He said loudly as you cracked up laughing at him. The other two joining in as you gave his cheek a few pitty taps.

"Whatever you gotta tell yourself, Hazza." Your smile across your lips as he mumbled about you being the world's biggest brat and pulling you in closer to his side.

The movie was barely on for 10 minutes before Abby and Gemma passed out. Their soft and not so soft snores filling the living room.

"They bitch 'bout the movie and they don't even make it 10 minutes in." Harry grumbled beside you as you shrugged.

This was a very accurate representation of your youth. Hanging with your friends and them passing out way before you, leaving you awake with Harry.

"Not like I didn't expect it." You said, Harry humming his agreement as your head rested on his lap. "How was Mitch and Sarah?"

"Fine. Annoyin'." He grumbled as you turned over on your back to peer up at him. The dark room surrounding both of you, the blue light of the TV hitting across the high peaks of his cheek bones.

"You think everyone's annoying." You smiled as he turned his head down to look at you. His lips curling as his hand rubbed up and down your arm. Something so soothing that he'd done so many times.

"Not you." He said as you snuggled into his tummy. His hand tightening around your arm slightly as he felt that familiar fluttering of butterflies swirling in his stomach from your touch. "Well maybe if y'keep eating all the pickles and mayonnaise in the house."

"I can't help it!" You gasped, your head snapping to get a view of him smirking at you.

"Mhm. Just wanted to stay fo' a few days fo' my snacks, bunny. Don't lie." His fingers cupped under your chin as he lifted your eyes to look at him.

You swallowed that feeling burning deep inside of you as you smiled sweetly up to him. His eyes twinkling with that hint of mischief you used to know so well.

You didn't have to read minds to know you two were already slipping back into those murky waters of the unknown chemistry between you two.

"You do have good snacks. Those little cookie things? Yeah, they're amazing."

"I saw you eatin' those mint chocolate cookies with mustard. How the fuck is that good?" He scoffed out a laugh, reality slapping you in the face as you shrugged.

"Dunno, the baby wants it."

The room felt like the air was taken out of it as you both stared at each other. The baby, Jesse, Camille, all of it running back into both your minds as Kevin Bacon's voice rang around the room. Your body pulled away from him even though your mind begged you not to.

"When's y'appointment?" He asked as his hands rubbed down his thighs, fidgeting with his rings.

"Thursday." Your eyes stayed fixed directly on the TV as you spoke. Teeth biting your bottom lip as your arms wrapped around yourself.

"So, they'll be gone." He asked, gesturing to the two snoring logs on the floor in front of you two.

"Mhm."

"You tell Jess 'bout it?" He asked and even though your eyes were burning holes through the television you could feel his uneasiness.

"Yup." You said with a sigh, leaning back against the couch. "Well, I tried but you know…"

"He's a dick." Harry mumbled under his breath a smile cracking on your face as you nodded your agreement.

"Maybe he'll come around." You shrugged, your fingers picking off the lint on your plaid pajama bottoms. Not wanting to get into this with him.

Not wanting to get into this conversation with anyone.

"Maybe I'll call my mum and she'll make him come 'round." Harry offered with that grin on his face.

"Okay. I want the option of him being in the baby's life. If Anne gets ahold of him, it's game over."

"Yeah, she'd be a bit… violent." He said with a laugh, your head nodding as you hummed your agreement.

"Remember when my homecoming date stood me up? That was scary." You blew out a breath as your eyes widened, remembering her storming into the dance to tell him off.

While it was sweet. It was probably the most embarrassing experience of your teenage years.

That and the time you started your period in a white skirt but you tried your absolute hardest to forget that ever happened. Even though Harry was sweet enough to give you his gym shorts for the day it was a fucking nightmare.

"Pretty sure that guy cried."

"We had a good time though." You said a smile ghosting your lips as your head rested on his shoulder. Him humming his agreement as his own head rested on top of yours.

"I'll go with yeh to y'appointment." He said a little while later, his eyes looking down to see you already staring at him.

"You don't have to, Haz. Know you hate doctors offices." His eyes rolling at you as he nudged you a bit with his shoulder.

"'S different when 's me goin'. Wanna go with yeh."

"You sure?" You questioned, your eyebrows furrowed as you stared at him. Knowing damn well his white coat anxiety was rough on him.

He just rolled his eyes at you. Smiling as he nodded his head. His arm reached around to pull you into his chest and even though you knew deep down inside of you that you two were crossing that line. You couldn't help how good he made you feel.

You sighed, settling into his chest. Eyes growing heavy as his hand ran over your hair. His breathing sounded like a gentle song lulling you to sleep.

"Night, love." He said a while later even though you couldn't hear him. Your slowed breathing giving away you were asleep as his lips pressed to your cheek.

"Going to get your heartbroken." He heard his sister mumble out from the other side of the room. Her head still resting on the pillow she had on the living room floor.

"I know."

#Harry Styles #Harry #Harry Styles x Reader #Harry Styles x You #harry styles x y/n #Harry Styles fanfic #Harry Styles Fanfiction #Fanfic #Fanfiction #Writing #Mine #Fine Line #FL

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headheartbellarke · 4 years

Text

Speak Now | WILLEX

dear @calamitykaty - happy valentine’s day! i’m your secret valentine, and i hope you have a brilliant, lovely day!! i just wanted to say that i absolutely adore your fics hehe :3 this one is for you, i hope u like it, you wonderful human!!

& a million thanks & kudos to @screwunsaidemily / @jatpsecretvalentine for organizing this!! happy valentine’s day, raegan! and i hope today is as amazing as you are!!

✿◕ ‿ ◕✿

PAIRING(s): Alex Mercer x Willie, Flynn x Carrie Wilson, Julie Molina x Luke Patterson, past!Alex Mercer x Luke Patterson

WARNING(s): nothing haha just some fluff and we stan bobby in this house.. oh and some language

WORDS: 3.85k

SUMMARY: With his boyfriend marrying Carrie Wilson (well, in his defence, that’s his grandmother’s ‘dying wish’), Willie fancies himself to be the main character of a Shakespearean tragedy. Based on Speak Now by Taylor Swift.

KEEP READING BELOW OR READ ON AO3

Willie exhales, watching his breath crystallize into tiny ice particles. He extends a hand to catch them, but that action causes the little cloud to dissipate.

He rolls his eyes. Who has their wedding in Canada, in winter? Plus, not just on any day, but on Valentine’s Day.

He fancies that he might as well be the main character of a Shakespearean tragedy. Watching your boyfriend get married is painful enough, but to a girl? That shit makes you feel as if your heart has a screw lodged in it. He feels as if he has the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Willie likes to say that he hates Alex (i.e., the said boyfriend, the love, the light, the star of his life) – but that sentence leaves behind a bitter taste in his mouth, like he’s just had that weird cough syrup that his mother buys.

Alex’s friends can definitely see through his act, like, right now.

“Willie, relax! Everything’s gonna be alright!” Julie Molina, Alex’s bandmate, ‘unbiological sister’, and ‘best gossip partner’ exclaims. She is crouching beside him.

“Julie, I’m not the type of guy to crash a wedding and sabotage it, especially one hosted by those…” His hand moves in circular motions, pointing to the direction of the church, where Alex’s parents are probably seated.

Luke Patterson, Julie’s boyfriend and Alex’s ex-boyfriend, and current best friend and bandmate pipes in. “Homophobic, racist mingers?”

Willie grins. “Don’t know what that means but sounds accurate!”

“You know, we are saving Alex’s life, right? Literally?” Bobby Wilson chimes in, Alex’s other best friend from his position behind them. They are currently hiding behind a table laden with sweets of all kinds, and it makes Reggie, the last of Alex’s best friend-cum-bandmates’ mouth water.

“I still can’t believe that his parents are forcing him to marry a girl!” Julie exclaims, ponytail bobbing as she speaks. Luke adds, “Not just any girl, but Carrie fucking Wilson.”

“My fucking cousin!” Bobby says, looking behind to check if anyone’s there. There is, but they’re all either part of the caterer’s group, or the waiters – they are currently outside a church, where the reception will be held, post wedding. The attendees, the families, everyone – are inside the church, for the wedding.

“Hey, is Grandma Ruth really that sick?” Reggie finally asks, his eyes diverting from the sweets. Luke smiles sweetly at him. “I’m glad you finally decided to join us, Reginald.”

Reggie fails to catch the sarcasm in his tone, and he smiles brightly. Luke rolls his eyes, but a faint smile teases the corners of his lips. “Yeah, she really has stage four cancer.”

Julie says, “Poor Ruth.”

Luke huffs, “I don’t care that she’s dying – she shouldn’t fucking blackmail her grandson like that! Alex, honey, I’m dying. My dying wish, you ask? Marry someone. No, not your boyfriend of four years! Marry a girl, dummy. Homosexuality is a sin!”

Bobby adds, “Not just any girl, but your best friend’s cousin! Whose probably into Flynn, but, yeah, whatever.”

Julie smiles brightly at the mention of her best friend. “Oh, she definitely is.”

Reggie’s brows quirk. “I thought she was still into Nick.”

Bobby shakes his head. “They broke up last summer.”

Willie clears his throat, finally gaining some confidence. “He shouldn’t be marrying the wrong girl.” He exhales, and adds, as an afterthought, “Or any girl.”

“You two should be walking down the aisle, Willie.” Julie says, resting a hand on his shoulder. He nods, grateful for her support.

He remembers this morning, when he was at the grocery store, buying as many buckets of chocolate ice cream as he could fit in his arms. Suddenly, he had felt a warm hand wrap around the back of his throat, and he let out a yelp, dropping all the buckets.

He remembers thinking that the universe was against him. First, it’s the day of his boyfriend’s wedding, and along with that, someone’s here to kill him. Well, he thought, it’s better to die than –

“Willie!” A familiar voice exclaimed, and of course, it’s Julie – he realized that the hand that he thought was here to murder him, belonged to her. She was dressed in a long, pink, A-Line dress, that complimented her skin tone perfectly and – suddenly, Willie understood that it was a bridesmaid’s dress. Yep, she’s Carrie’s bridesmaid, along with Flynn.

Willie wondered if she was here to rub salt on his wound.

“What do you want?” He had mumbled, averting his gaze from her dress. Sure, it’s a pretty dress, but it reminds him of Alex, because he has a hoodie that he adores in the same colour. (It’s in Willie’s closet now, and he makes a mental note to burn it.)

“We have a plan.” She said, conspiratorially.

Willie sighed, leaning down to pick up the fallen containers of ice cream. “I’m not in the mood, Jules.”

She grinned, evilly. Or as evilly as you could while having an angelic face.

Sure, it took her a while to convince him to crash his boyfriend’s wedding, but on the way here, he felt as if it was worth it. Julie helped sneak him in, since he doesn’t have an invite – and he found the rest of Alex’s friends – Luke, Reggie, and Bobby waiting for him.

Now, as Carrie’s family emerges from the church doors, he doesn’t feel that way anymore.

“God, I think I’m gonna throw up just by looking at them.” Luke murmurs, while Julie slaps his shoulder. “Don’t say that, they look very… colourful.”

Bobby snorts.

Carrie’s family includes her parents, two of her cousin sisters and an aunt – and they are all dressed in pastel yellow. To be really honest, that colour looks like vomit. They stand in a circle in front of the church doors, and Willie notices her aunt rolling her eyes at the waiters. He sighs. This is the same aunt who told Carrie that ‘oh, honey, it’s just a phase’, when she came out as bisexual.

“Guys, guys, guys!”

Willie sees his cousin, Flynn, running in their direction, and stopping at their table. She huffs, catching her breath and he notices that she’s wearing the same dress that Julie is.

“Carrie is losing her shit, dude.” She says, once she’s breathing normally again. “Why?” Julie asks, concerned.

“Probably because she doesn’t wanna marry Alex? I don’t know, but she yelled at me for eating!” She exclaims, an annoyed expression taking over her face.

Willie and Bobby exchange a look – they all know that Carrie can get a little intense sometimes – she doesn’t mean harm, but on a day like this, you can’t really hold it against her.

“Where is she?” Julie asks, alarmed.

“She’s in the back. Her mom misplaced her veil, and its total chaos out there. Also, her gown looks like a fucking pastry.”

Everyone’s eyes widen, and Flynn sighs, looking away. “I hate everything.”

Willie knows that she’s feeling just the way he is.

Julie stands up. “Come on, let’s help her. And boys?” She points a finger in their direction. “Stick to the fucking plan.”

Everyone nods rapidly, and Reggie whispers, “Yes, mam.”

She kisses Luke, whispering something in his ear, and squeezes Willie’s shoulder, giving him a sympathetic look, before running off in the opposite direction with Flynn.

Watching Julie and Luke, Willie is suddenly overpowered by a memory, a memory that was gathering dust in his brain. He remembers a cold, dark winter morning in their – his and Alex’s – apartment. It was last year, and their first morning in that apartment, in their home. They were nineteen and couldn’t get enough of each other – even after three years of being together. Somehow, somewhere they felt as if an invisible string was pulling them closer and closer, until they merged into one.

He remembers Alex combing his fingers through Willie’s hair, and whispering, “Is it crazy if I say that this is everything that I’ve ever wanted in life?”

He had smiled, eyes filled to the brim with euphoria. “No, then that would mean that I’m crazy.”

“We’re both crazy.”

“Maybe.” He had pulled him closer, loving the way Alex buried his face in the crook of his neck.

“Willie?” Alex softly asked, drawing patterns on his bare skin.

“Hmm?”

“I want to wake up next to you every single day. Like, I don’t ever wanna be without you,”

“Me, too.” He had said, then adding, “I don’t see myself marrying if not you.”

He could feel his boyfriend’s grin. “Not gonna lie, I’ve thought about it. A little.”

“A little?”

“Okay, I’ve planned it all out.” They both laughed, and Willie felt as if he was flying.

Alex continued, “I imagine us getting married on a beautiful summer day – on the beach. Where we met all those years ago. Remember?”

Willie smiled. “How could I forget? I will love Flynn forever for bringing me to Julie’s sweet sixteen – I never thought that I’d meet my soulmate that day.”

“Yeah. I imagine Luke to be my best man, and Flynn to be yours. Julie and Carrie would be our groomsmaids, yep, I invented that – and Reggie and Bobby could be the other best men. It’s a little messy, because I love them all so much and I can’t choose – but yeah.”

“Funny that your ex-boyfriend will be your best man at our wedding.”

“Shut up, Willie.”

“Carlos could be the ring bearer.”

“I think he’s a little too old for that.”

“Well, you have a point. But he’s gonna be pissed if he doesn’t get a title like his sister does.”

“All right, he’ll be the ring bearer.”

“We could have a skateboard shaped cake.”

“We will… think about it.”

“And we won’t need a band!”

“I’m not playing at my own wedding!”

“Well, Bobby could take your place. I’m sure he won’t mind taking a day off his solo touring.”

“Yeah, that sounds nice.”

As they went over every possibility, every dream, the world melted away and all Willie could see were the oceans in Alex’s eyes.

Luke’s voice dissipates the haze of nostalgia around Willie’s brain. “Yep, Carrie’s family went inside.”

Bobby nods. “Okay, Willie, you stay with Reggie and Luke – I’ll go inside first and distract everyone, and y’all will come at my signal.” With that, he runs towards the church.

“Uh… what is his signal…” Willie trails off. Luke and Reggie exchange a panicked look, as Reggie says, “I’m sure we’ll figure it out! Besides – oh my god, are those flamingos?”

Willie and Luke’s eyes dart to the church door, where a bunch of flamingos – Carrie’s favorite bird, apparently – are on the loose and the waiters and the staff are running around trying to catch them.

“Boys, I think that’s our signal.” Luke says, grabbing their hands and dragging them towards the back of the church, where the girls had previously disappeared into.

Luke sneezes, and Willie absentmindedly whispers a ‘bless you.’ He shifts, saying, “There’s so much dirt here! It’s like nobody cares about my allergies!”

“I’m sure nobody in Canada will ever care about your allergies, Patterson.” Flynn hisses.

The trio are currently hiding behind a curtain, the lilac shades sickening them. “Well, you wouldn’t be in this position if Alex’s lovely bride-to-be didn’t uninvite me!” Willie exclaims, looking around to make sure nobody is nearby.

“I’m sure she has a very good reason!” Flynn says, and Luke rolls his eyes, saying, “You’re saying that as if you don’t know Carrie. She’s hyper fixating on this wedding to distract herself from the fact that her parents will never accept her for who she is, from her fear about the fact that she’ll never get someone who sees and loves her for who she is and right now, she believes that this wedding would gain her parents’ favour, that somehow they’d be okay with her being bisexual if she’s married a man, a gay man at that, too – and now she’s doing everything in her power to make sure nothing gets fucked up.”

Willie and Flynn sharply look at Luke.

“Dude, that was deep.” He whispers. Flynn dabs the corner of her right eye. “You should be a therapist, bro.”

“I know, bro.” He grins.

Willie can’t stop a smile from breaking out on his face. He turns back to the scene in front of him, and his heart seizes because there’s Alex, dressed in a perfect tuxedo, with his hair perfectly done, with a perfect smile on his face, and Willie realizes that that is not the man he loves.

The man standing in front of him looks too pristine, too immaculate. It’s almost as if he is being strung up by invisible puppet strings, but his face doesn’t give away any of that – it’s absolutely blank, and Willie would have thought that the man in the front is not real if he hadn’t seen his eyes. His eyes, which houses cyclones, cyclones being fed by the apprehension, the fear, the anger, the sadness that he must be feeling inside. His eyes, that Willie loves to see first thing in the morning, showing off the parts of his soul that he is desperately trying to shield.

Willie wonders if he’ll see him standing behind the curtains. He probably won’t. Willie’s at the back of the room, and he’s at the front, waiting, waiting, waiting. For a moment, Willie wonders if Carrie is going to show up at all – because the wedding was supposed to start half an hour ago, and it doesn’t make sense why a person who has never been late in her entire life, would be late on her wedding day.

He doesn’t have to wonder long, though. The organ starts to play ‘Here Comes the Bride’, and honestly it sounds more like a death march. Willie is reminded, yet again, of another reason why this is not what Alex wants – he wants to play ‘Lover’ by Taylor Swift at his wedding.

Willie takes in a sharp breath when Carrie enters. She looks like a pageant queen – wearing a beautiful, white, classic dress. In one hand, she holds her dad’s arm, and in the other, there is a bouquet of daisies.

Flynn whispers. “I have to go. Boys, do not mess this up. Or I swear I’ll kill you.”

As the duo watch her run to the front of the room, Willie whispers, “Does she know about Carrie’s big, fat crush?”

Luke snorts. “You think so? Come on, let’s sit. They won’t be able to see us here.”

As they crouch down and make their way to the benches, Willie casts one last look at Alex, and he knows, he knows that Alex wishes it was Willie walking down the aisle instead.

“Speak now, or forever hold your peace.” The preacher says, and Willie’s heart erupts into a frenzy. As the room goes completely silent, Luke whispers, “That’s your cue, Willie.”

Ignoring his anxiety, he stands up with his hands shaking, and his brain telling him to just fucking run out the doors.

Alex’s eyes widen, relief flooding his features, and for a moment, he looks like the real Alex again. Willie catches Julie and Flynn’s eyes, who are standing beside Carrie, and they nod at him, enthusiastically. But the bride, Carrie – she looks absolutely horrified. And so does all the other people in this room, including Alex’s parents, his grandma Ruth, and Carrie’s parents, too.

From Alex’s right side, Reggie and Bobby give him encouraging looks, and finally, he averts his eyes back to the man he loves.

But he can’t say anything. He feels as if he’s frozen in time, and his mind completely blanks out. For a moment he wonders if this is his rock bottom.

But Luke comes to the rescue, thrusting a guitar in his hands, and breaking him out of his trance. “I remember you told me that you can always sing, even if the world was ending. So, I brought this along, as backup.”

It’s true. Music is a part of his soul, much like it is Alex’s. Music is what connected them in the first place, and music is what still keeps them connected now.

He positions the guitar, and notices that it’s Luke’s acoustic guitar. He strums it, and finally, his mind comes back to himself. He keeps his eyes trained on that of Alex, and he watches the storm of emotions in his irises.

“I am not the kind of guy, who should be rudely barging in on a white veiled occasion…” He sings, loving how Taylor Swift has written a song for every occasion.

“But you are not the kind of boy, who should be marrying the wrong girl!” He sings and hears loud gasps around the room – he knows that people expected him to be in love with Carrie or something.

“Or any girl!” Reggie adds, and Alex grins, and that gives him the motivation to continue.

“So, don't say yes, run away now. I'll meet you when you're out of the church at the back door… Don't wait or say a single vow – You need to hear me out, and they said speak now!”

He drags the ‘now’ for as long as he can, because he knows that the silence that will follow will be excruciating. And it is. Alex just stares at him, an unreadable expression on his face.

Willie finally looks at Carrie, and when their eyes meet, she gives him an odd look. He half expected her to kill him, but the way she looks at him, it’s almost as if she’s relieved.

Alex clears his throat, the sound piercing through the silence of the room. Whispers arise, and Willie exchanges a look with Luke, who asks him, “You want me to dig you a hole to die?”

Before he can nod, Alex says, “Uh…” He fiddles with his hands, before finally saying, “Fuck it”, and untying his tie. His mother gasps, and his father stands up, but he raises a hand.

He locks eyes with Willie, and his world spins on its axis.

“You are not the kind of guy to be rudely barging in on a white veiled occasion…But I am not the kind of boy… who should be marrying the wrong girl… or any girl!” Alex sings in that raspy voice of his, and Willie feels his heart soar. He can’t help the grin from escaping on his face, and he knows that his eyes are what Julie calls, ‘heart eyes.’ Luke grabs the guitar from Willie’s hand and starts playing along.

“And you'll say let's run away now, and I'll meet you when I'm out of my tux at the back door,”

Alex walks down the aisle, but suddenly remembers something, or rather, someone. He turns around, locking eyes with Carrie, and Willie can’t see what he’s saying, but Carrie smiles a big, soft one – one probably no one has ever seen on her face, and he sees her mouth ‘go.’

“Baby, I didn't say my vows, so glad you were around; when they said speak now!”

He finishes, and stands in front of Willie, and Willie knows that the both of them can feel the air electrifying between them.

He turns, facing his grandmother. “Grandma, I’m sorry, but you’re 93, and I’m 20. I’m not going to give up my life for you to live. I love you, though. Mom, Dad, I’m truly sad that I’m not what you wanted. But I’m not gonna apologize for being myself, nor am I gonna apologize for loving who I want to. This is my life, and maybe it’s time that I start acting like it. I can’t keep wasting my life to please you. You – you should love me for who I am, that’s what good parents do.” Alex’s voice cracks, and Willie intertwines their fingers. Alex squeezes his hand.

Carrie’s mom stands up, shaking her head. “No, no, no… you do not get to ruin my daughter’s wedding –”

Alex’s father stands beside her, his face matching the shade of Carrie’s red lipstick. “I will not accept this –”

“Will?” Alex whispers, his eyes trained on his father.

“Yeah?”

“Run.”

With that, Alex tightens his hold on Willie’s hand, and the both of them run down the aisle, and outside. Willie can hear an uproar behind him, but it fades to background noise behind the thump of his heart.

“That was so fucking romantic!” Alex exclaims, as they come to a stop before Willie’s car.

“I just…”

“Wait – I’m sorry, Willie. I shouldn’t have put you through that. I should’ve fought more; I should’ve run away or something. That was not okay. I’m a twenty-year-old adult, and I should – I should – learn to be it, and not hurt any – anyone –”

“Hey, hey, hey…” Willie says, stepping closer to Alex. “It’s alright. They’re your parents. It’s not your fault that you want their approval. But I just want you to know that I love you, all of you, for who you are. And all of us do – Luke, Julie, Bobby, Reggie, Flynn, and even Carrie. We all love you, for who you are, and we’re always gonna be by your side.”

He smiles, cupping Willie’s face. “Thank you. Thank you so much. I – I love you so fucking much.” He kisses Willie, and the latter feels like he is floating amongst the stars.

“That – everything inside – from this tux to the decorations was horrible. I’m really glad that you… you know, stopped it.” Alex says, rubbing his thumb around Willie’s cheek.

He shrugs. “Well, it was your friends’ idea.”

“Of course it was.”

“Guys! Guys, guys, guys!”

Willie and Alex break out of their embrace at Carrie’s voice, who is currently running towards them, her dress bunched in her hands. Flynn is following her, holding her veil in her arms. Julie, Luke, Bobby, and Reggie are behind them, and they all have a look of panic plastered on their faces.

Flynn yells. “Carrie might’ve told your and her parents to fuck off, and your grandma to just die already, and so there’s a fair chance that we’re all gonna get killed, now that everyone knows that we’re all behind this.”

“Also, I threw red wine at our aunt’s dress, Carrie!” Bobby yells.

“I might have told your parents that they’re failures, and Julie and I are your real parents, Alex!” Luke yells.

“Also, Flynn and I are getting married!” Carrie yells.

Alex’s eyes widen, and he looks at Willie. “I think we all need to run.”

Willie nods, and he looks around. Maybe they will get killed (probably not), and maybe everything is a little crazy right now – but what he knows is that all of them are a family, and that he’d do anything for them. He also knows that Alex is worth everything, and that someday, they will get married, just the way they want, with the people that love them just the way they are.

Plus, is it weird to say that he kind of feels like Taylor Swift right now?

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ronsenburg · 4 years

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i saw this post and IMMEDIATELY started writing an essay, so I moved it here so as not to clutter up someone else’s post...........

it absolutely blows my mind that, today in 2021, i honestly can’t remember what’s canon from the turnabout serenade case, what i read in a fanficition, and what is my own personal HC. like, it’s been more than a decade since i played the case for the first time and it’s probably been 5ish years since the last time i played AJ (definitely forgot to play it again before writing youngblood which is.... contributing to this) so i really don’t know if what goes on in my head is accurate, but, over the years, i’ve come up with a Lot of Thoughts, which i’ll discuss below.

tldr; it’s all about power (the desire for, the subversion of, the need to maintain), but if you’d like the specifics, here you go:

daryan: i think the explanation that he did it for “the money” is a line. please don’t mistake me, daryan is an asshole and a murderer, im not discounting that, but in court ive always thought that he was playing the part that everyone- especially klavier- is expecting of him. he’s the bad guy. might as well make it a finale for the books.

i’ve always seen daryan and klavier as opposite sides of the same coin when it comes to family and career aspirations. where i imagine klavier came from a well off and well loved family before his parents died, i see daryan from a working class, difficult upbringing. i read a few papers on the psychology of children/parenting style of police officers and decided early on that daryan’s dad was also a cop. his mother is either dead or (more likely) left them early on. dad coped by working a little too hard, gambling/drinking a little too much, and was overall not around a lot and kind of an authoritarian/controller when he was. it left daryan with a lot of anger he had to cope with, about what it means to be a cop, the idea of a “just cause” and the ends justifying the means, and an issue with authority (which is laughable, considering what a bully he turned out to be. sometimes we emulate our parents unintentionally; it’s the only thing we have to model our behavior on). so daryan started off at a disadvantage. klavier started off loved and supported and surrounded by expensive belongings, but the death of his parents and the subsequent emotional and financial abuse by his newly appointed guardian/brother left him in a similar place by the time he and daryan met. i think it was probably the foundation for their bond, and i think it’s why klavier decided to become a prosecutor instead of following in his brother’s footsteps and why daryan ultimately decided to enter law enforcement as well. i think they had a lot of optimistic, idealistic thoughts on being better than the people that hurt them, on utilizing the law to make the world a better place. i don’t think klavier ever conceived that kristoph could have wanted him in the prosecutors office as another pawn to play, and i don’t think he realized how fluid daryan’s morality could be.

shipping alert—you guys know me, im crazy for the idea of a “best friends to on again off again lovers to tenuous coworkers to bitterly disappointed in but still harboring feelings for the other person despite being on opposite sides” dynamic between daryan and klavier. i honestly can’t separate the ship from the case and im sorry about it. if you read youngblood you know that i think daryan started to resent klavier pretty early on, when they were still together, when the band was still successful, because klavier was able to move forward and work through the issues of his past while daryan was seemingly stuck. yes, daryan had made detective and the gavinners were a hit, he’d risen above his initial social standing and thrown off the control his father, he had money and fame and a future. but everything he had was because of klavier. daryan needed klavier, emotionally, morally, financially. but even when klavier was professing his love for daryan, both privately and in the form of chart topping songs, he didn’t need daryan. it was obvious (and of course, healthy, but how do children of abuse learn what a healthy relationship looks like without help? especially when the only relationships you’ve ever had are codependent and, in some ways, just as toxic?) and so things spiraled. daryan got possessive and angry again and klavier got distant and they broke up and got back together and broke up and didn’t get back together but kept ending up back in each other’s arms for comfort and for support and because how the hell do you move on when the person you’ve been in love with since you were 15 is sitting next to you on a tour bus and is also your partner in a homicide case and singing songs he wrote about you on stage in front of thousands of screaming fans?

okay, shipping glasses off, sorry. but no matter how you look at their relationship, daryan’s promotion out of homicide was probably the most distance they’d had from each other in years, as it removed a large chunk of the daily “working relationship” aspect. and without klavier there to act as a moral compass, it was likely easier to slip back into his earlier thoughts about what constitutes justice and his intense hatred of being pushed around by someone who has more power than you. so enter the chief justice with a son who is sick, dying even, but can’t get the medicine he needs because there’s a government out there telling them no. The reasons are arbitrary: the medicine could be used as a poison and can’t be found anywhere else so it might come back to bite the country in the ass if it’s misused by criminals. newsflash: pretty much all medicine is poisonous if it isn’t used correctly, should we stop using penicillin entirely because some people might be allergic to it? they’ve essentially condemned a whole bunch of people to death because they’re worried about their reputation. and that doesn’t sit well with daryan, who is caught up remembering the bullshit justifications his dad would spout when he knocked him around, that kristoph would give when withholding every single penny of money klavier was entitled to until he agreed to do what kristoph wanted. it isn’t right, it isn’t fair and unfair laws shouldn’t have to be upheld, especially when they’re the unfair laws of a country you most definitely did not swear to uphold and protect. it was never about money, though daryan agrees to take it when the chief offers it to him, more for his comfort level than for daryan’s need or desire. it’s about justice and putting a bully in it’s place with a (seemingly) victimless crime that should be so easy given his role in the international division of criminal affairs and klavier’s sudden hard on for the country of borginia. seriously, how could this have been any more straightforward? daryan is capable of murder, though. all cops are. and if it came down to a “them or me” shootout, of course he’d pull the trigger.

machi: when you come from nothing, the desire to have something of your own is overwhelming. the idea that machi is famous and financially set is disingenuous; he is not individually famous, he is Lamiroir’s “blind” pianist. yes, she views him as a son and seems to care deeply for him, but his main purpose in her life is to perpetuate a lie. machi has been abandoned before; what will happen to him if lamiroir suddenly remembers who she was in the past? what if she has a family and a true son of her own and has no use for him? what if their secret is found out and the public rejects him for his role in it? he is 14. what does he know about being provided for? about contracts and trust funds and royalties? he ended up in an orphanage originally because he was unwanted, and that led to a life of poverty and hardship. abandonment issues are rooted in fear and are rarely logical. i find it far easier to believe that machi did it for the money, but more for the power money might have given him towards independence in an unfeeling and capitalist world.

kristoph: i won’t get into this, because this is supposed to be about daryan and machi and the guitar’s serenade, and kristoph is not really involved in that at all. but i think everything that kristoph has ever done in the game, good or bad, is rooted in a pathological need to constantly be in control. i think that kristoph and klavier both have very intense personalities that they have sought to control over the course of their lives for the sake of their careers. kristoph believes that to be a good lawyer, you need to play your cards close to your chest, that to show your hand is to expose a weakness that the enemy can exploit, that to show no weaknesses at all places you in a position of power. klavier believes that to show his true self, to display his weaknesses and fears to the public, would result only in their rejection. as such, they both wear masks of their own creation even under the most intense of pressures: kristoph as pleasant and calm, klavier as magnetic and dynamic. note the primary difference in their rational? klavier wants to be wanted, while kristoph wants power. and power corrupts, after all. once you have it, what could be more overwhelming than the idea that you might lose it all? it can drive even the most rational people to commit acts of passionate irrationality in the name of holding on to that power. and kristoph has so many pieces involved in his strategy to maintain.

#i love daryan crescend i'm so sorry #i cut this to spare you all the pain of my rambling and also my inability to use caps and proper punctuation #gonna tag this as klavdar so you can avoid it just in case it bothers you #i think it's hilarious that this is JUST AS MUCH ABOUT KLAVIER as it is about any of these other people #shut up krissy #i have a lot of feelings about this case okay #man i'm still obsessed with lamiroir and machi's portrayal in 'dirty sympathy'#excellent stuff i'm going to go read that again #klavdar #i don't think i ever managed to squeeze in my hc about the specifics of kristophs abuse towards klavier into any fics #specifically the financial aspects of it #but its absolutely an effective weapon #klavier's money from his parents would absolutely be in a trust and controlled by kristoph until he was legally able to access it #he would have to ask kristoph for EVERYTHING #can you imagine how easy that would be for kristoph to turn against him? as a means of control? i just......#broke: kristoph physically abused klavier when he was a kid #woke: kristoph didn't have to abuse klavier when he could manipulate him so completely with money and mind games #all the while making klavier believe that he was truly looking out for him and any hurt klavier experienced was selfish and misguided #and klavier's fault #:|

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