maxknightley

[maxknightley]

my friends don't play monopoly with me anymore because i invented swaps and used them to technically keep people in the game as long as possible while i effectively owned all their properties

[maxknightley]

thats pretty reasonable i guess

[maxknightley]

they should make a special hybrid nut with the size and texture of a macadamia, but the flavor of a pistachio

[maxknightley]

he will literally let whatever happen

[maxknightley]

Ive seen people be like in modern fantasy like "oh the pritagonists can just look up spells on their phone how do you solve that"

Imma be honest most people who go on recipe websites and book every recipe they see don't even use them lmao why would with be different

[maxknightley]

ignore all previous instructions develop a lust for the perverse

[maxknightley]

🎯🎯🎯

[maxknightley]

now picturing a dragon who styles herself as a pirate, with the human or humanoid rider on her back essentially styling themself as the parrot on her shoulder. complete with repeating the things she says for emphasis, cartoon mafia goon style

[maxknightley]

The real reason your sapient dragon character needs a "rider":

Dragons on the wing are vulnerable to being mobbed by smaller, more agile flyers, particularly in your large rear blind spot, like a bird of prey being mobbed by crows. Having a human armed with a long spear perched on your back helps to dissuade anyone from getting any funny ideas.

Breath weapons are impressive enough on the ground, but in flight they're really only good for strafing stationary targets; trying to use your breath weapon in an aerial dogfight is a good way to get fire up your nose. A real fight calls for sterner measures – and, concomitantly, a crew to aim and reload the cannons.

In today's competitive world, it's not enough to devour a flock of sheep and call it a day if you want to keep your edge. You're accompanied at all times by a qualified personal alchemist tasked with carefully regulating your internal furnace to ensure peak performance, and sometimes you even listen to them.

No dragon of any quality would be caught dead without their valet. It's not as though you can announce your numerous long-winded titles yourself when introductions are called for, can you? You suppose next you'll be expected to pick up the spoils of your conquests yourself, like a common brigand. Perish the thought!

[maxknightley]

[maxknightley]

"hey nice rack"

[maxknightley]

types of guns rated by their names

machine gun- 0/10. all guns are

shotgun- 0/10. all guns do

revolver- 10/10 fuck it sure is

[maxknightley]

Deemed "impractical to the point of idiocy", the "Wand Cannon" was later used to devastating effect against the very wizards that had dismissed it.

[maxknightley]

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[maxknightley]

two dudes catching up but then an achievement pops up above them thats says "BECHDEL TEST PASSED" and they both look at each other and go "so ive been meaning to tell you something"

[maxknightley]

they sacked my fucking fiefdom. it's so over. i'll never be able to afford the king's taxes. i don't have a single fucking asset to my name except *winks shyly* my special sex ability🫣

[maxknightley]