#i mean in all creative media
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I may be very much alone with this thought, but OMG! Doesn't 2023 have the worst creative BLOCK and unmotivated energy you have ever experienced???!!!
#tw depression#unmotivated#mental health#i hope its not just me#but there is just nothing out there to be excited about#i mean in all creative media#thought things would be cool again once COVID ended but...#during lockdown so many got into history and stuff but now everything and everyone is just BASIC now...#or so it seems#feel free to prove me wrong though#maybe im not looking in tge right direction
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this is crazy get knuckles out of there
#''outstanding creative work that faithfully and authentically adapts a video game'' does NOT describe that show at all . lol#like a tv show or movie based on sonic doesnt HAVE to adapt a pre existing game story to be good or enjoyable#but knuckles is a TERRIBLE sonic show even when you approach it with that mindset#and im usually able to have fun with most sonic media even if its not the best adaptation or the quality is questionable#so you know theres a problem if *im* saying its bad#this is the game awards btw and this is the only category that has anything sonic related in it#convinced the people running this thing hate sonic at this point lmao#anyways. sorry i didnt mean to make two knuckles show hateposts in a row i actually dont think about the show that much at all#its just a coincidence they announced all the game awards stuff right after i said that
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I have never watched a minecraft youtuber in my life but fanart for the qsmp keeps appearing on my dash and I'm enchanted every time
#like they're the most gorgeous creative heart wrenching fanworks you've ever seen#with the most beautiful designs and youre telling me thats a minecraft skin???#a skin from minecraft???#and ppl are talking abt it like theres a story#you mean its not just a lets play????#I thought it was just a minecraft server???? and they played minecraft??#I keep seeing the most beautiful art on my dash#and i go to the tags like oh what media is this from#and its tagged#qsmp#ive been scrolling that tag for like 2 hours now#people are drawing some pretty serious stuff on... Quesadilla island??#I have no context for any of this and suddenly I need it#i just scrolled past another beautiful fanwork#thats it i have to watch it#i need to know what happens in the story because clearly theres a story#theres context for all this fanart#theres LORE here#i need to know the lore
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btw thank u to people who add comments in tags on my art and things i make because i was thinking abt how i post art for the connection over making something, and how a lot of the time posting art feels like putting a lot of effort into something and then chucking it into a silent blank void. so basically thank u for people who connect with things with me its cool of u 🫶
#via replies asks comments whatever 🐗#kiddo say#th dream also would be an art/creative things focused discord but i dont have the braincells to manage that#just bc its sad to show a thing to people and get not much response . and i dont rly want to be posting on social medias#all the time . but like also ik people are busy bc i am too#i just mean like ideally#and for special interest reasons
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a quite simple outfit, trying to use the little blue and white apron thing (which is actually a dress I think, that I just leave un-buttoned in the back and added an apron-like tie to lol)
#self#mori kei#jfashion#NOT really but like.. it's.. adjacent I guess.. forgive me .. I may try using tags again though I kind of got out of the habit ghhj#I need to be... Seen to some degree. I want to start selling clothes and sculptures again to recoup the costs of having to euthanize my cat#and stuff . but that won't be very successful if I have like.. 15 people to sell to lol...#the eternal Hermit Conflict where you hate attention and Being Percieved in general yet in todays capitalist society it is nearly#a necessity to have some form of social network or media presence especially in creative fields. etc. etc. ... kicking screaming wailing#sobbing so on and so forth.. tearfully punching the cold mossy stone walls of my evil wizard tower...#I was also thinking of maybe opening a few sculpture commission slots and maybe Tumblr Blazing that post or something#but.. again.... sobbing crying interacting with the general public oughhf ouuch -500 HP#why can't I just be approached by some wealthy 65 year old woman who is nonsensically infatuated with my art for no#reason and gives me like $10.000 a week for food and art supplies and etc. and I can go fuck off into a cabin in the middle of nowhere#in the uk and just be left alone to work on my projects without even needing to build any form of connections or social presence because I'#already set for life and can just get funding and connections whenever lol.. WHICH not to be ungrateful like obviously I still appreciate#anyone who follows and interacts with my posts. I dont mean it in a 'grrr fuck all of you imbeciles I wish I could delete my blog!!!' or#whatever hhjkjk.. I just mean it more in a like.. I am very socially inept and my mental illness gives me severe social issues so any situ#tion where I'm expected to self promote or network or interact with others generally is nightmarish and stressful for many many reasons#and if I could somehow skip that part and just go straight to being a famous author or somethin.. that would be cool. Which I know EVERYONE#hates networking and stuff but I mean like.. on a level most people could not possibly comprehend.. I am not just an 'introvert'. I am like#doctors declare me incapable of functioning in general society very poor mental health prognosis probably should have a caretaker at#some point type Hermit lol.. ANYWAY ghbhj... alas.. I also feel weird about the sculptures in terms of what to charge for them#and always have which is part of why I stopped selling them. If I charged a fair even like $15 an hour many of them would be like#close to $150+. and nobody is going to pay that for a decoration. that doesn't even factor in like.. supplies or time spent communicating/s#etching the concept (if a commission) etc. etc. I thought it'd be better to just auction them then and let people pay what they want inst#d of a set price but etsy doesnt allow auctions and is it weird to just.. link people to an Art Ebay or something lol..#AAAANYWAY.. the outfit.. I still love these shoes. they're nice and a little Older Style looking. always into pastel florals too lol#(everything is thrifted as usual. excited about the shirt because it's so puffy! it was in the halloween section though ghjhj.. like when i#s october and they make the special aisle in goodwill for 'Costume' clothes even though theyre all just normal stuff I would wear ghg)
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ok first murder drones now spooky month depression
#did indie animation wake up and choose angst#not complaining it’s yummy but#I wasn’t expecting angst fromSPOOKY MONTH?????#and the priest character is actually really cool like a lot of media portrays priests as villains and im glad they didn’t do that here#these past few days in indie animation have been actually insane#yesterday was the lackadaisy anniversary and the release of murder drones 7 which was a ROLLERCOASTER#and then the day after that spooky month releases with DEPRESSION#indie animation is so good it’s not even funny#I hope more people become aware of indie shows so they become the new standard#like I dont want all of these plain movies/series we have been seeing from these major productions (with some exceptions ofc)#and with indie animation rising I hope it dis encourages AI use in creative media#because AI can’t make something with such a detailed and in depth plot as humans can#I mean it could eventually(?) but if you have ever interacted with AI you may notice many flaws#this has turned into an essay it’s not even tags anymore but im just psyched for indie animation#murder drones#spooky month#lackadaisy#indie animation#kind of a rant
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#Honestly I kinda miss when forums were a thing#This is in ref to *previously reblogged* because YEAH the other social media websites are flat out boring about CODZ#The way people interact with 'fandom' has lost all it's fun#That's only the fault of social media websites- not people#You cant modify your profile anywhere - follower numbers are public and create a fake chaste system...#and they have this weird fixation with limiting interaction of person to person??? The only interaction they want is person to Content#I mean there's nuance in this too though: like saftey concerns ofc#BUT you cant write essays on why you think Dempsey's favorite color is blue bc word counts limit you-#You can't make bad art or you'll get bullied off planet earth-#Everywhere else creates a 'who cares what you think' environment if you have fun bc you don't have followers#(Important for CODZ too bc if a YouTuber has an opinion everyone else will echo it without knowing what it even means#((Like 'Jugg is a crutch perk' omg shut uppppp. Tell me what that means. You get it to survive more hits?? DUH. IT'S A *PERK*.#...anyway. that's why I'll always see tumblr as > than any other website#Despite the flaws it's the closest thing to the forum/personal website days#And weirdly enough....twitter/tiktok/insta- the creatively limiting places- are the unhinged sites...
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I just think it’s silly that so many people complain about Villain Amaya as “wasted potential” and that “we were robbed” like-
My pals, post canon fan fiction is right there. The desire to free her husband is right there. Either by touching an evil book while being too eager to remember the obsidian oil, or being possessed by contact (ie what she believes is true loves kiss) when trying to reason with him in the dungeon.
We don’t need a rewrite, we can have a continuation. Both can be true. Amaya is a complex character, she can handle it.
#Wish#Queen Amaya#I assume I'm going to get hate for this but like#I know it's not store bought and you have to still make it yourself but also#I'm kind of just tired of seeing a lot of people sh*tting on Wish because it's not the concept art#And I'm kind of over here like how about we love it recognize it has flaws and THEN try to make something new without bashing the OG?#I just love Amaya and she definitely deserves more#but her good character is so interesting and complex#she still knows how to have fun. She still can be sassy or bite.#Like she's still Magnifico's perfect partner you know? and Magnifico isn't perfect?#A truly pure person wouldn't click with Magnifico the way Amaya does...?#I would rather build on Amaya's character than say she can only be good and boring or a villain?#Amaya is so smart yall. I know you can't see it all just on the movie but like she's read every magic book in Magnifico's library#THOUSANDS OF BOOKS.#And knows basic protection spells#She's a devoted leader.#Like.#Idk#She both loves her husband and recognizes that she has to go against him.#She doesn't /turn/ on him. She addresses his flaws and tells him that it's not okay?#She still jokes with him even though she has to put him in time out. She's complex and strong and wise and kind.#And I just hate seeing so many people so quick to just say 'the concept art was better' when like... the idea might be more appealing to yo#But I hate the level of cynicism and pretentiousness I see of people saying their personal ideas of what Wish should be-#-Is better than the piece of media they claim to care about?#Like their personal vision of Wish based exclusively off the concept art is somehow intellectually superior?#And I'm not saying stop doing your rewrites or AU's or anything! Like there's definitely beautiful creativity happening!#I just hate seeing people so negative and like honestly mean. It hurts my heart to see everyone calling Wish garbage?#It's not great but I really really dont think it's as bad as everyone is saying. Like its no like Oppenheimer but it's a children's movie..#Like I personally love the Teens and Amaya#And everyone saying they stink makes me sad... Because they're just great characters?
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I managed to fully finish storyboarding one of the bigger animatics (in terms of how much work will be going into the finished version) for the logan angst flashcard project and I actually feel a tiny bit accomplished for once 🥲
Uhh, to celebrate, have this blurry shot of one of the frames!
#i decided this one would actually have even more mixed media by adding a live action timelapse segment#which means I'll have to figure out how to get access to after effects or figure out how to get REALLY creative with what i do have#oh well#im just glad this one is boarded fully bc thats been the hardest thing with all of these#the whole point with this project was that there were lots of animatics i wanted to make but i couldnt figure out how to fill the whole song#so instead these are just a bunch of snippets of songs like mostly the second verse and the chorus in like 90% of them haha#and i just do a short version animatic instead#but finally finishing boarding the Biggest one feels awesome :)#hope i dont completely fuck it up from here#its gonna look so good once its digital and colored in...#orbs thought bubbles
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[personal and vaguely unnecessary whining underneath, just a bunch of undigisted and personal thoughts about my problems with Creation and Art that mostly just concern myself, but here they are anyway woooo!!!!]
feeling some kind of way about having to concede my artistic calling truly is in fanwork, but, yeah. all of my creative energy really tends towards fanwork, and like. not even the popular kind really, but the long, cerebral, pretentious kind of fanwork that is impossibly costly to produce yet comes with an inherently very limited audience at the end of the road. but every time I try to do something else, something "original", I get frustrated and I feel like I have nothing to say, or that what I have to say isn't really worth saying/that I'm only kind of doing this out of fear of being perceived as illegitimate rather than because of actual passion. I have original ideas, but I don't even really like most of them. it's weird, to have your inner creative fire being so intricately connected to something you will never have legal control over, something you can't really show off/take actual pride in, and something that is, by and large, decried as a waste of talent or time or proper artistic merit.
but yeah, it's the shape of my brain. it's what it is. I'm just not sure how to connect this reality to the rest of my creative/career frustrations. weird place to be, don't love that my brain chose to be like this honestly.
#thoughts#personal#I have spent my entire youth being criticized because of my enthusiasm for fanwork instead of proper creation you could gain accolades for#granted I shouldn't have gotten that kind of pressure before I was even age 10#but#yeah I know having a brain made for original work doesnt automatically mean you gain recognition and respect#but fanwork is just. not the way to go.#there's a ton of people I know who have a latent condescencion towards me because I write fanwork#in a given style that is pretty hard to parse through#I indeed do refuse to prioritize digestibility and clarity#but I do that in fandom instead of in lit fic!!! because I'm stupid!! my brain is dumb!!!#but yeah I don't know what to tell you all my best and most audacious work is fanwork#it is what it is and I don't think it will change#and I don't think fanwork is shameful or should be considered lesser#why should it be???#it holds the potential of sitting at the crossroad of deep-cut critique + admiration and love + creative experimentation#in a medium that is deeply entranched within our current era of media consumption and therefore I would argue is inherent commentary#also I wrote for IPs for work and what I did there was much dumber than what I might have written on my own#anyway weird thoughts and weird question marks for my future as the industry is slowly falling apart around me#might delete later but I just. mood post. feeling weird.#deflated professionnally and endlessly energized outside of that even though both are two sides of the same kind of work#a mood for weird and uncertain times I guess
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So one thing I've always loved about uni/studying/learning new things is when you have different subjects or different tiny dots of knowledge and slowly, as you learn more and more, those tiny splashes of knowledge are becoming less isolated, and you realize that it's all connected and - at least with my subjects being in the humanities - you sort of “unlock” this new perspective on a certain aspect of the human condition. And like, that's fun enough and - if I'm being honest - probably my favorite thing about studying already as it is, BUT NOW, now that I've finally gotten back into writing as a hobby this is just ANOTHER dimension for me to expand that knowledge into and to use that knowledge for. And I am absolutely living for it. So happy to be back on my bullshit and so happy to be at a place in my life where these two passions of mine fit so seamlessly together and one passion benefits from the other and vice versa
#god I love that I get to do this#to be less vague: I am taking this course (and a lecture as well) on the aesthetic and philosophy of night darkness dream and imagination#and like that is already SO up my alley you don't even know#but besides getting to learn about the influence of those themes on literature of the 19th century now I also get to practice it you know?#I mean I've always had this fascination for and this... predilection to write about vampires or ghosts or “dark” themes like that#and I just continue to do that now but like???? ugh idk I feel so? /seen/ when I learn about the way people used to do that and still do an#that it's something so... essentially human to be interested in?#which of course technically I knew bcs we have all this media abt these themes. but something about learning /why/ we enjoy these themes an#/why/ there is somehing so very cathartic about engaging with them? something so freeing and so subversive about doing it?#like I love learning things that make me understand myself and my motivations more deeply. also on a creative level#and idk... this is all probably a very jumbled mess but I wanted to share my joy with you in case anyone read up to this point <3#simon.out.#yes this is about the potential wilmon vampire fic I am plotting out rn and yes I am going to be absolutely unbearable about it#vampire wilmon
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I finally got the romanced spawn!Astarion epilogue and my first epilogue in the game I'm ,,,,,,,,,,
I need to lie down
#listen#I mean we could talk at length about how amazing it is that they added the epilogue to the game and how it rounds up all the character arcs#people have been talking about it at length and I dont know if I have anything new to contribute#but I have to talk about the 6 months you get to spend with your romanced companion#the way they just opened it up to the player's imagination while simultaneously making it so warm and meaningful#Astarion saying the last 6 months with tav counterweights the 200 years of torment healed me on levels deeper than i can comprehend#all the characters stressing how they should keep in touch which is so important to do with your friends irl in such a busy world#the immeasurable spark of creativity this game provided to so many people is SO IMPORTANT#since yesterday I've been imagining what my tav and Astarion have been up to during those 6 months#I've been imagining Shadowheart in her hut#Halsin restoring the Shadowlands#Jaheira rebuilding Baldurs Gate#I've been experiencing CHILDLIKE WONDER OF IMAGINATION at 28 fucking years old#in the past 2 months this piece of media has been a life vest in the ocean of hopelessnes#and now I get to live on and create these stories in my head#something that I thought I'd lost#art 🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌#im just so grateful#bg3#bg3 epilogue spoilers
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You know a world where your ability to carry something is determined by quantity rather than size or weight is very easy to accept in a video game, because of mechanical convenience, but would probably be so strange in a story in any other medium, and I think a few more books and shows could stand to get a little funkier with the fundamentals of their reality like that.
#just casually make a setting that functions different on a fundamental level#this is genuinely my favourite thing about minecraft fics is the absolutely alien setting#that gets treated very casually and with a 'thats just how the world works' mentality#people can exist in multiple worlds and the code that makes them them can be accessed and casually altered#and no one has any ethical problems with admins doing so#there is a clear and defined divide between players and mobs on all levels except emotional#but also players treat their own body as a toy the change and throw around because death means nothing#minecrafts a good one for it because the game has zero story its just a playground for creativity#but i think about final fantasy where entire skillsets are contained in some item or clothing and swapped between#or gta where it costs money to come back to life#theres plenty of media that explores the idea of lives or retries as a mechanic and a story element#but what about the fact that man made objects being and inherent part of the reality to where#a fundamental function such as peoples lives can be restored by paying money#not in a theres a god of greed sense but in a thats just how reality works#a lot of these things get placed on a godlike being when they do pop up and i think thats the boring route#let your setting just function different beyond magic being present#have the characters world and thus mindset be alien
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once again thinking about my own OCs and how badly I WANNA! WATCH THE SHOW OR READ THE BOOK OR PLAY THE GAME BUT IT'S JUST ME OUT HERE VIBRATING IN PLACE AAUUUGHH
#help help help h#what do you MEAN there's no video game of the little guy who only exists in my head what do you MEAN!!!#WHAT DO YOU MEAN IF I WANT CONTENT I HAVE TO CREATE IT. WHAT DO YOU MEEEAANNNN#the very annoying truth is I really need to be engaging with other media way more than I am and feeding my brain#so I actually have the creative juice to come back and Create#but UGH AUGH ETC.#they should invent a dnd that you can play every day without scheduling conflicts or all your friends getting sick of it#about me
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anyway i think we need to put death of the author high up on a shelf maybe. it can be a useful concept i Suppose when applied properly it is less so when ppl take "see only what's in the art" as "see only what I Want To See in this art" and ignore things that are very obviously there just bc they dont feel like doing any kind of digging
also idk i think an authors intent does matter actually. if they directly contradict whats shown in their creation then yeah art > the commentary but even that kind of denial still tells you something
#not that i think u need to dig into everything or that going well here is my secret version in my head is bad i think fan works are-#a great source of creativity and also just plain fun.#but what i Do think is that fanart and analysis of art are staring to blend a little too much and that the former is hurting the latter#an offering to the void#this is badly articulated as are all of my posts but ive gotta practice having opinions somewhere#also by art i mean all art i just dislike using 'media' or 'content' bc they feel too impersonal
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something to alleviate the disappointment brought upon by HOTD is to simply remind ourselves that grrm himself has inferred his dissatisfaction with adaptations and the show existing as a separate canon.
#out of character#≻┆all the world's a stage ┄ ◸ out of character . ◿#i already tempered my expectations after s1#and while the show has presented more disappointments in their creative choices rather than improvements#it's better to remind ourselves that fanon exists and can provide us with the nuance that may be lacking from the media presented#besides that ... i need to keep my blood pressure at a reasonable level#and if that means dissociating this mediocre show from the quality of grrm's work then so be it
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