#i mean if you still dont get it then you better look at the people ive tagged theyve done a far better job than me like always
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Not really sure what incongruous means so I'll look it up after but it does feel like as i get older life gets more complex theres more things i understand now that sure i knew about them before but not in great detail but it feels like I've become so fucking complex as a person that if i tried to explain what i actually think and feel it would just overwhelm a person so i try and section myself off into pieces and just use different parts of me with different situations or people and it may just be because ive spent most of my time these past 2 almost 3 years now alone with nothing to do but think and figure myself out that when im asked what i think about something slightly personal its kinda hard to say it just got lost in my head somewhere and that whatever i think will change at a moments notice like i can bring up memories of lots of things and remember nostalgic times but i spent so long thinking about why i feel a certain way or what makes me feel a certain way in order to try and get a better hold of myself that ive kinda forgotten alot of my past like so many memories that i made are just gone because remembering them made me feel a way i dont want to feel like i remember realizing the beginning of 6th grade that i had completely forgotten 5th grade and the reason why was because that time i had was so nice yet not at the same time my brain just frogot because it didn't want a reminder of how good yet not something can be like great teachers who for the first time ever actually seemed to care as far as i could tell class mates who were generally friendly and occasionally checked on me if i seemed off yet i felt so alone cause nobody there really seemed like a real friend like the friends i had before who even when we were in deep trouble wouldn't rat me out and would stick with me who genuinely cared and missed me if i was sick getting older and not having anyone to socialize with for really formative years off my life has made understand those really old dudes who are nice and always up to make friends but just seem extra lonely for some reason despite knowing so many people i guess technically being that alone did hurt me but i kinda learned that im just not alone ever when im outside theres always some squirrels birds or plants nearby that make it more lively its why ive grown so fond of certain forested spots they are always lively and it feels like hanging out with all my friends its also why i enjoy making things like with metal or wood stone or even writing and painting those things feel alive in a way same with music and having time to think so much has made me reflect and realize that no day is the same and even when something changes something else stays the same or gos back to how it was in a weird cycle like growing but remembering where you were growing older for me anyways is like gaining more skills and more knowledge not just on the stuff around me but on myself too obviously people change sometimes pretty quickly too but getting older makes you learn more about yourself which duh that how life works but still it feels weird to be aware of it at 17 when it feels like i should still be trying to figure out my favorite youtuber or something not contemplate who i am as a person and what makes me feel the way i do but its a good kind of weird and theres always more to learn and find so i still have plenty of room to learn more about myself still not being able to really fully let a person know you kinda sucks but to be fair that is a rather special thing its also nice being able to put into words why i feel a certain way so that i can actually explain myself instead of just going quiet cause i dont know myself that well still kinda funny to know your own problems but not be able to jusy fix them when you know its a very deep problem even when it seems surface level and damn i got kinda personal there woops also just noticed that im shaking so might be overwhelmed remembering 5th grade which is probably why i frogot it or at least thought i did
anybody else feel that being human is like being a long-time syndicated cartoon character watching the world get more complex while your own design stays the same until youre incongruous with the reality around you??
#Anyway im gonna see if i can calm down and mabye froget 5th grade again#not remembering stuff can hurt sometimes so dont try it i already fucked up learn fro. my mistakes
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you know what i kinda do like the "i'm the dirt under your fingernails" image on its own and had it been deployed in an overall clearer and cohesive script for caitvi in s2 i would have absolutely loved it
some dont like it because it implies vi is a mere stain on caits person, evoking her own experience in regards to the dehumanization zaunites are systemically subject to in order to prop up top siders. on the other hand ive seen other people who, like me, like the line say: "oh its not that. what it means is that not only is vi going to be there whenever cait will do the good but hard work ("blisters and bedrock") but that by always being there shes putting an onus on cait to show up and actually do it". and while i dont disagree with literally any of that, i also dont think that cancels out the first, more literal interpretation of the line, but i kinda like that?
because as sad as it is, vi has made service and self-deprecation her lifestyle - her circumstances may have beaten it into her, but she has fully accepted it and embodied it. moreover shes shown to be perfectly aware of the deep-seated power imbalances between piltover and zaun as well as how that affects her relationship to cait (s1 act 1 and s1 act 3; s2 act 1 respectively - how id LOVED to see a proper argument between them in s2 act 2 or 3 goddammit): since nothing on that front has been dealt with because of the convenient noxus invasion/glorious evolution double whammy which once again resulted in zaunites being used as cannon fodder in exchange for one (1) lousy seat at the city council vi has no reason to pretend like things aren't the way they've always been. the disparity - both in the city and in her and caits entaglement - is still there, and vi is saying "the inequality it's there and it's fine that it is there for now because you are going to fix it with me" (implying vi will never let cait pull the kind of shit she pulled in s2 act 2 again i wish they'd spelled... something! out).
so it is kinda both the meanings at the same time there: cait has a moral and political duty to get her hands dirty and the dirt is vi because as a child of zaun she is what cait works on and for. moreover vi is caits reminder of what she shoots for, her other, better eye if you will. cait does what she does because she freely chooses to do it, and she has the power and resources to put to good use. vi's sense of duty on the other hand comes from her and her family's lived experience, and long before meeting cait (s1 act 1) she had decided to be the good use. now she gets to be it with cait, and it is absolutely grueling work. they both know it, that's why cait asks vi if she's still in it, and after a moment's consideration vi can't help but smile, and there's a bit of bitterness and a bit of almost content resignation in it. so cait, who came in looking for reassurance, now makes room for vi to snuggle under her chin: reassurance she got, but in that subsequent close-up, among all the things she could be possibly thinking, there might be - finally - the realization of what all of it has cost vi.
again i wished the caivi and class inequality storylines had been handled more and more carefully in s2, but even when it's not at its best there's lot to say about arcane...
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They are everything to me.
#hyperixating on THESE two is kinda painful. like wdym half the fandom doesnt like them. they are so awesome??? sickos...#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel charlie#charlie hazbin hotel#hazbin charlie#vaggie#hazbin hotel vaggie#vaggatha#hazbin vaggie#charlie x vaggie#vaggie x charlie#hazbin#chaggie#rainbowmoth#varlie#fallenstar#its always the wlw ships too. like wdym yall d ride mlm??? it be the 12 yr old girls too 😒 /hj#charlie ass? yes pls. also yes i gave charlie a tail. i always give random characters tails if i think they deserve it#i think..... i think im getting better at anatomy guys 😨 (im delulu)#definitely better than my first chaggie posts if yall remember that 😭 oh how i have improved for real... maybe ill make a improvement post#i jst wanted to draw ass bro. i know thats not how psnts work#i want tjem both to be so in love eith eachother that it makes me sick. genuinely please let them be such freaks rhat it makes ne bleed#also can i jst saw how annoying those shoulder pads are?? WHY DO ALL THE MEN + CHARLIE HAVE THEM. MAKE HER DIFFERENG SHES THE MC???#omg i just noticed it looks like shes grinding on her knee. ignore that. but maybe she is who knows?? 😝#dynamic pose test. i think its alroght but i still have stuff to improve... im practing 😈#ugh i just want more charlie being madly in love with Vaggie. not you guys. you guys are doing great mwa mwa /p but i mean the show! like#wheres charlie being lovey to vaggie?? shes literally the embodiment of love why cant she show idk... MORE to vaggie? i 💜 chaggie but... ☹️#gay people make me sick /j#yes. charlie IS lovey to Vaggie.. but.... idk its not to the life sacrificing extent like vaggie does? idk maybe i want fan service like 🤨#OH like charlie going demon mode for vaggie. FINALE DONT COUNT. she already was demon mode. i need vaggie almost DEAD and char swoops in id
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genuinely so many of you want to be leftist and "punk" and countercultural soooooo bad but you refuse to become comfortable with the concept of people taking drugs for fun because they like it and not because they were somehow tricked or forced into it without knowing what they were getting themselves into
you'll be like "addiction is a disease!!" but think you're better than those degenerate stoners because you only drink energy drinks and white claws and would never touch "illegal drugs"
many if not most drugs CAN be consumed completely safely with almost 0 risk to the user and even if that werent true and all drugs were extremely dangerous you still wouldn't be better than those of us who love doing drugs recreationally
lighten up and grow up. get offline, talk to real adults, and stop being shocked to discover that they enjoy doing stuff that adults do like have sex and do drugs and even listen to rock and roll
#put punk in parantheses bc yall are hardcore straight edge at best lmao#goes to a punk show in someones basement and gasps when i see people snorting coke off each other in the corner#anyway heres your regular reminder from your friendly neighborhood drug addict that drugs can be and often are consumed safely#LSD‚ MDMA‚ psilocybin‚ cannabis of course‚ ketamine‚ coke‚ whippets. these are all drugs that i personally have used#and that are completely safe when used correctly and by someone who doesn't have some sort of allergy#even if someone is on a dangerous drug like meth or heroin you are not better than them#in fact theyre probably a lot chiller than your ass if youre still viewing drugs as a thing for 'degenerates' to do#literally can not hang out with non druggies anymore bc they cannot stop themselves from moralizing it#i mention that my vape has thc in it and i get That Look and a bunch of 'i would never smoke weed. i mean its fine. i just would NEVER'#i get it! you view drugs as a thing thats only for poor people or people who dont care about themselves or whatever#i call that the go ask alice effect. people will think you smoked weed then immediately had sex got pregnant and died of a heroin overdose#even when they think theyre being super progressive
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Hear me out (or don't... it's fine I'm just venting and mean) yeah um I don't believe Chakotay was saved in Prod*gy s2.
#the 'time travel' makes no sense when you think on it. What happened to Prime Chakotay? He got killed they showed that.#At the end s1 Janeway finds an 'alternate chakotay in an alternate timeline' and that's the one they go and get#we saw the original get merc'd in the message. That ACTUALLY happened. Lmao.....#They didn't prevent THAT death because they didn't go to THAT Solum with the Infinity and stop it from happening#instead it was 'ALTERNATE#' implying other.#OG Chakotay wasn't taken over by the alternative one either nothing suggests that was the direction for him in s2#they didn't do anything like 'well you see chakotay because at the end of s2 when we converged timestreams you have merged with your other'#if they did want to recover the original from s1 then keep that clear instead of being convoluted dont use an alternate timeline wtf#instead the plot was focused on gywns stupid fucking paradox plot and her being fixed#chakotay was the one in a paradox too did that not matter nah dw about it he had to die for this outcome or someshit lmao why#In the extended message given to admiral janeway it shows him clearly getting left behind and surrounded. Sadly no one intervened.#I dont understand why they couldnt have just made s2 about his rescue alone IF they took their time it wouldnt be so difficult#to follow#above that the one they rescued was ruined by the 10 year gap so he wasn't 'saved' at all. God i hate s2 when you break it apart#I dunno the more i look at s2 Janeway and Chakotay the more upsetting it is. Janeway would NOT have settled for an imposter.#everyone going goo-goo gaa gaa over s2 but it's sloppy af imo and undermines a huge portion voyagers struggles#id really like them to flatly lay out their ideas because literally nothing ive heard explains the story or choices of s2 with conviction#instead it's oh clap for wesley or the new vulcan and other references yay#describe to me your timetravel clearly and i'll happily take a seat on it (there is still other crap stuff mind you)#this is the most repressed shit i my head i swear#im angry because s1 is so clearly mapped out to a brilliant degree and for whatever reason it's not in s2#i can see through it#insultingly people are eating it up and claiming it's better than ever nah dawg embarrassing#there are nice ideas inside s2 but they arent adequately rewarded#it doesnt compare to the timetravel in other trek because they kept it clear#i mean it could have been an interesting parallel to endgame but in the end janeway didnt even rescue him lmao they dropped her#why bother building up this mission only for her to give up and go 'i'll hand it over because im told to'. Janeway had fuck all this season#let alone settle for not fixing her own timeline and her own friends deadly circumstance dw just grab another one from the shelf i guess#the emotional fallout was absolutely missed because they didnt elaborate on anything. Plenty of show but no substance from the characters
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i know this has been said 473773474833 times by the kavetham/haikaveh shippers and probably even nonshippers, but i'll say it again. I finally finished the genshin summer event and did the little after quest in sumeru and.....every time kaveh is sneaking around trying not to be noticed coming out of alhaithams house it's just such a gay vibe. he's basically screaming "I can't be caught being gay in a homophobic society!" even if that's not what the game writers are *actually* saying. that's just how it comes off and they can't make it come off any other way. with hoyo's gay history, it makes me wonder if it's on purpose and all a cover-up to have a technically different reason for it so they can get away with it lmao but we will never know.
#lee text#genshins#i can acknowledge how gay they are without liking thr ship#flashback to several kavetham/haikaveh (whatevwr their ship name is) shippers on here attacking me over not liking the ship#trying to “educate” me on why theyre sk gay and why i should ship it#look i didnt say they arent gay af. and these shippers dismissed my feelings completely#i think it was after that one event with the competition thing that kaveh won? idk but just they way they interacted#the way alhaitham talked to kaveh and the way kaveh responded TRIGGERED A TRAUMA RESPONSE IN ME#which made me dislike the ship and their dynamic! i didnt CARE if he was well meaning. the way he talked to kaveh#triggered a fight or flight response in me because it sounded similar to how ive been talked to and kaveh getting upset was similar to#how ive reacted to the same words. you can also argue my family cares about me like alhaitham does kaveh and its how he helps#but it doesnt mean its the kind of help we need and it doenst traumatize us lmao#so i dont get why people were so angry at me for getting triggered by this ship and disliking it for that reason#while i can still admit that they are gay af and seem to get a long a bit better after that and i can tolerate them now#since its been a while and i dont remember it enough to have a trauma response when seeing them anymore lmao#but its just annoying that shippers can be so toxic 💀 they care more about their fictional men ship than me. a real person. weird#not tagging the ship so i dont get more angry shippers in my notes....but they found me last time with no tags so hi. dont yell at me again!#but maybe no one will care since im putting my “anti ship propaganda” in the tags this time and not the main post lmao#just dont read my tags so you dont get mad at me for being uncomfortable by this ship dynamic. but if youre reading this...its too late#leave me alone they arent real and i am so im more important right 😅#let me shame the shippers that dismissed my real feelings because they think their ship is more important than a real person lmao#you cant tell me im wrong when a trauma response isnt a choice and happens against your will 💀#BE ASHAMED YOU NERDS#I WILL BITE YOUR KNEECAPS#sorry i just had to vent lmao
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suggestion do you have... any wants? like obviously you do but like? suggestion my guy my ourple boy. both the easiest and hardest to write. you need a skill to say something to move conversation along but it doesn't fit any skill in particular? about 80% of the time you can have suggestion say it and it will make sense. but like actually characterizing him... how do i define you dude... what makes your character tick... urgh. i dont get you yet. im trying to understand but you are difficult.
#chemi chats#there are some skills that i just dont understand yet and that just means i have to work on their character study chapter#im reading his bio and i think suggestion is a good manipulator and it's instinctive and he tries not to feel bad about it?#he's clever!! charming!! friends with savvy and drama. planting seeds in the mind and coaxing them to grow towards him like he's the sun.#a crude oil reservoir lying beneath a carefully laid flower bed. taps into the roots. the plants don't know any better than to drink.#he's great at sensing what makes people tick and uses that to his advantage. he needs goals to look forward to so he knows how to best#pull the strings to get them there. otherwise he's a bit aimless. he likes being useful. and since influencing others is helpful#he just keeps doing it? because it's what he's good at. and he tries to convince himself its fun and cool and just cuz hes charming and#it's his role as a skill and manipulation isnt thaaaat bad because it's helpful to them after all... but he does feel bad sometimes.#oh im listening to his voice lines and i just got to ''brother you should have put me in front of a firing squad'' and im sad about him now#but what do you want for short term little guy?? probably for people to like him. he likes chatting with people. i bet he'd like genuine#conversations with no strings attached but there's always some part of him filing information and tidbits away that he can't turn off#subconsciously figuring out things he can hold over them or how he can nudge them into thinking someth-/wait.../ no. no he's just talking.#he's /supposed/ to just be talking stop analyzing them stop falling back into that just have a normal conversation!! but he can't help it..#hm. this is all really helpful for his chapter. he and empathy are very alike but also different. very interesting...#task: swept up#okay good talk everyone i think i understand him a little better now lmao?? still gotta figure him out some more hes not fully there but ye#also i think he goes by whatever pronoun you think he'd use. just ''oh what do /you/ think i am hm?? what /would/ i use; do you think?? :)'#funny fella. i love you.
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An argument over whether or not Dan Heng is Dan Feng seems to have begun getting sparked again in certain parts of the Fandom and it does nothing but hurt my head to no end
Both sides cherrypicking or treating it like a strange situation, making false equivalents. "Yknow governments don't consider people who've lost their memories to be separate people" that's a flawed argument to use in favorite of DH = DF because it's not just he lost his memories. He literally grew up, experienced his own childhood, had a whole identity cultivated based on those experiences and that life and continues to live his own life. To treat the situation like it's just him getting a bit of amnesia is wild to me
But also I hate when people continue to insist he's running from Dan Feng and his past and how he's miserable and shouldn't ever confront the past and deal with it as if his and Blade's whole stories aren't centered around rebirth and karma, paying for your past life's karma. He needed to confront the past to ensure a freer future! He literally has!! And he will continue to do so because he realizes this, DH isn't dumb and he's grown since we first saw him. He understands
But yeah uh I'm so tired
This whole thing feels very Ship of Theseus. What makes the ship what it is, the physical aspects of its planks, its sailing history, or both?
For him, the question is what makes someone who they are? Is it the body that makes them up and any inherent genetic factors (like traits)? Is it their experiences, how they've grown up, and the identity they've developed in that time? Or is it both factors mixed together?
Personally in the case of Dan Heng, I think it's both! Yeah he has a lot of traits from Dan Feng. There's a lot inherently there. But we can't disregard his own experiences and the identity that has formed based on his history and what he's seen.
Again I can't stress this enough... It is a false equivalent to compare him to people who lose their memories or get amnesia, he didn't just lose those memories. He started life from the beginning, a whole different kind of life. And even then, the amnesia topic comes with its own debates. Isn't there a whole other thought experiment regarding someone put to trial who ends up with amnesia and what their verdict should be?
I guess in the end, it's all up to people's own philosophical beliefs after what constitutes a person. My personal belief that DH and DF will always be connect but the separation between them is also meaningful is something based on my own ideas of what consisitutes a person and their individual identity, similar situation with how I see Rukkhadevata and Nahida as connected but still not the same person exactly. At the end of the day again, it's personal beliefs
But what I can't stand and can't stand by, is someone acting all high and mighty like they're perfectly right and everyone else is wrong, especially when they're cherrypicking or not holding all their evidence to the same standard. According to some ppl, apparently it's better in the CN fandom where instead of treating it like "I'm right you're wrong" people have divided themselves into "DF and DH one person" and "DF and DH two people" groups and most importantly of all, they treat both like theories and just keep to their space and tag which they believe when it's relevant. Why can't we just do that? Why can't we follow in their footsteps instead of bringing up this argument every so often with the same tired flaws from both sides?
#Lore discussion in this community can be so tiring#I wish more people would be open to their viewpoint being challenged instead of believing they can never ever be wrong#And seeing people throw out wild accusations#Like someone saying people are transphobic if they believe dh is df like what?#I get it if you identity with dh and read it as a trans narrative personally even if I dont#Doesn't mean you can call people transphobic over it#I dunno I'm tired#Everything I see this topic I get mad#“He says you're my past in the ichor of two dragons!!”#He also says right after “But you won't follow me into my future” so your point is?#Additionally if we're being 100% real that animation feels like it's less about his rejection and eventual acceptance of DF specifically#It feels more so like his rejection of the role of Imbibitor Lunae given what I've talked about about the DF being there would never say#Any of those things how it's based on his biased view of him and is a projection of things he was told growing up likely#So I'm tired#One of the only good arguments I've ever seen to say DH is DF is in regards to how he clings to DF's old stuff#I have things to say about it personally#But it's a MILES better argument than some of the other ones I've seen and even then my arguments against it would still be an up for#Interpretation kind of thing like the initial argument rather than pointing out someone is looking at the full picture#Again I respect how people see it! Believe what you want to believe about it again it's all about our own perspectives#Just don't be a dick to people on either side if you don't agree with them#Dan heng#Dan feng#Hsr#Honkai star rail
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okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead
#okay venting in the tags you are very welcome to ignore or not respond to it i just need to yell somewhere#i always thought id be an art therapist because well i care about people and want to help them and love art#but everyday i wake up feeling like a fraud and an imposter so like. should i really be doing all that when im not entirely#certain i cpuld handle it??? like i know i haven't gotten the meaty bit of the education towards that yet but like#university costs a disgusting amount of money here and if i pick the wronf thing im likely doomed forever thanks to awful government#i know things could get better like they did after thatcher but honestly im not putting any bets on it considering how the current labour#party is so like if i fuck up here im basically dead#also can i actually do art uni. like could i cope with that. im deeply unethused with art at the moment and honestly will i evwr be#idk#it was jusr a thing i always did but education around it is fucking soul sucking#also the emotional weight of hearing and solving people's problems as a therapist. i would consider myself quite empathetic for the most#part i feel other people's pain quite strongly and obviously as a therapist id be feeling that quite a bit so could i actually cope with it?#ik therapists have therapists but still#i mean im doing work experience at an occupational therapy place so ill just be extra inquisitive about it all to make sure im going#the way i wanna#I'll be fine by the end of a levels ill probably understand what i want in life#if not then gap year to work it out#should probably look at unis for english language too then#sigh#ucas website i may as well marry you#ill be okay im getting in my head about stuff im actually pretty good at art even if there are things i can improve on (like patience lol)#yeah maybe the voice telling me i suck doesnt know shit and should shut up#yeah#shut it nasty voice you're wrong actually!!! im doing just fine and you're being overly critical#they should make a brain that's your friend and not mush that hides the amalgamation of every bad thing ever in its crevices#crevices shoyild be filled with kindness and love.#sex jokes about that#why the fuck is yahoo mail syncing i dont use you you washed up search engine#bue waffling#vent post
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do i really want to make individual drinks again
#reaching back into the file cabinets of my mind to remember how i made certain drinks when i worked at the cafe#in preparation for the possibility of this new job#it would certainly mean far less goofing off time than i have at my current job. and i value my goofing off time dearly#but the people here are so fucking annoying lmao. i hate them soooo much#not that the people at this new job would be any better. we're still dealing with investment bankers#godddddd. what i really would want (which would be impossible)#would be to go back to working at the cafe but like. still have paid time off and insurance lmao#but the cafe was a small business and he was not offering paid time off and insurance. and the pay was way less#but i did get to play whatever music i wanted. unfortunately you cant live on that#like i can always say no to this new job if its offered to me. but is my goofing off time worth:#2 dollars less in pay and a half hour to an hour's more commute. well i dont know#a shorter commute would mean i could sleep more. and have more time at home .#i mean i probably don't Need all this goofing off time. but its nice#i dont knowwwwwww#like even though im a bit nervous abt doing it again i know that i would easily fall back into the routine of making drinks#which i was fairly good at. my one drawback is that i cant do latte art but i dont know that theyd really care here#and (because i found the menu of where id work) theres not a ton of drink options?? just the standard stuff#its being called a starbucks cafe but 1) its not managed by them and 2) it does not have their 5 billion drink options#so thats good. less to worry about#doesnt look like i even have to make anything foodwise which i had to at the cafe#here it looks like people can just buy a pastry and thats it#the hours are like. the same i work now. also good#sorry im like using this post to think through my thoughts.#uhhhh oh i looked up the manager who looks like a weenie so im not keen on the prospect of interviewing with him#but i probably would have thought that about my current manager if id seen a pic of him prior to interviewing. i guess???#and with these kind of catering units it seems you dont often deal directly with the manager that much anyway#i just gotta see if i get good vibes#rn i have unsure vibes. but i need a sign to see if this could be good for me#oh id also save money on transportation. and taxes! bc i wouldnt be working in ny anymore#lol oops tag limit. well i hope you enjoyed my job thoughts you probably didnt i know i didnt
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I like doomed narratives but my ultimate Wizard101 NPC ending is the Young Wizard living in a nice secluded place with all their friends (all the necromancers, Ceren, Nolan, fuck you Boris you can live outside, Dasein, the Schismist Soldier, Mellori and the Bat) like a little village but they're all roommates and they do things like farming and brewing hot tea on Sundays free from Ambrose and the rest of the damned Spiral
#ik thats a lot of people HALSJDLDHDH#but in my version of Wizard101 that's everyone's ending. they get to heal together#i know i said all of the necromancers but i think i like it better if duncan was like maybe separate#not because i hate him but because im a huge believer of not being able to heal when the person who hurt you is right there#AND EVEN THOUGH WE DIDNT HURT HIM ON PURPOSE we're still a source of his trauma and i cant see duncan living with us right away yknow#like maybe later on in life but i like him better on his own off in the spiral to see the world and humble himself#*with artur and susie because he loves them#BUT YEA my wizard lives with everyone else at the Very End. fuck you ambrose /lh but /srs#the odd ones out honestly are ceren and nolan bc iirc in canon they dont go thru any type of shit. theyre fine#the rest of the group i mentioned have FLASHBACKS. theres some Trauma Periodt. in their cereal for breakfast#but i mean ceren and nolan can come if they want its fine#i MEAN IT about boris he CANNOT COME#yeah i said the schismist soldier. thats just my personal fantasy ik he hates us#here i am saying duncan cant be around us but thr schismist soldier ABSOLUTELY cannot be around us. but in my world he can! im a hypocrite!#itd be funny if he was still like. just a liiitle bit obsessed but its not because of his inferiority and god complexes he's just gay for us#......yeah im biased okay look he's hot leave me alone /lh#wizard101#w101#wiz101#text posts
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>be me
>get new follower
>hellyes.wav
>look at their profile
>they're very obviously an antishipper
feelsbadman
#not fandom#proship#anti-anti#proshippers please interact#this is about my sideblog but still#do you ever just look at someone's profile and INSTANTLY know whether or not they'd attempt to grievously harm you over fanfic#the fucking mile long dni list usually tips me off#like. im sorry but if you have a giant laundry list of people you hate on your profile i probably won't be comfortable around you#having boundaries is cool and all but like.. please define what you mean by ''basic dni criteria'' or ''no weirdos pls''#do you mean actual sex offenders or people who like fanfiction that you don't#do you mean people who have done real harm or people you disagree with regarding censorship#i hate blocking people who like my content but if i feel like i'm at risk of being harmed then imma do it#better to dodge a bullet and (worst case scenario) accidentally block someone for no real reason#than to make myself uncomfortable to avoid upsetting strangers on the internet#sorry i went on such a long tangent LOL i just needed to get this out of my system so that i dont feel guilty for no reason#scary crane rambles
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how to write vent post title that does not come off as self-pitying and or accusatory (because it's NOT !)
#sorry tumblr is like a diary to me idk what i'll do w this blog after i (sigh) inevitably move on#either way#im convinced everyone hates me again :3 but realistically no one cares about me even enough to hate me im just stupid and self centred 💔#if anything me TYPING these posts is actuvely turning people against me#again with the assumptions that people care enough to read these 😭 fhskfbhsjfkg#i hate that i care so much what people online think of me cuz irl it's like. whatever#but here there are so many cool people who i admire and would love to be friends with im always hyperparanoid of everything i do#and still i manage to overstep and come off as annoying#like obvs you're allowed to hate me even if you're someone i look up to like that's your perogative#but i hate worrying about IF anyone hates me#oughgh this is easier irl because usually people send off pretty clear signals if they dont like you#but online (esp with how prickly this fandom is) i don't know whether im being insecure and reading into things or whether people just don't#like me (which again is fine i would just rather know if anyone gets it)#i figure art is the one way i can get people to like me 💔 which sounds kinda pathetic because irl i KNOW im liked and capable!#fandom has just become such a big part of my personality that i cant detach my self worth from it#and i do love art and drawing and such i hate that even if i know people my stuff EYE dont and it doesnt mean anything or act as a signifier#of my friendships#wow .... i really am my own therapist ..... i should shut up#the industrial revolution and its consequences (jofandom)#i think these posts are half self exploration half ... almost self harm? because sometimes im so derogatory about myself on purpose in a#'you're worthless' way. but at the same time it's cathartic and i always feel better having probed at my feelings and gotten them in order#not to do a complete 180 but it's MY post and JO LONDON IN *12* DAYS!!!!!!!! AHH i'm sooo excited if it doesnt live up to my expectations i#may cry a little. and there will be another vent post from me !#sometimes i wonder if anyone actually reads these 😭#vee rambles
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ive been disillusioned with a lot of the left for a while, it's nice to at least see that other ppl see it now, though the reason why kinda fucking sucks.
#i used to think i could trust ppl bc of pride flags in their profile or them being trans or whatever#and then i put allll of my trust in that community not realizing theres a Multitudes of types of ppl in it#aside from even the fact some trans ppl can be nazis- some trans people- as much as it might make us look bad to admit-#are also predators and abusers and want to lie to you and use you for money and sexually abuse you and dump you like trash#and then accuse you of doing everything they did @u@;; ask me how i know!#so on the one hand im happy ppl see it now- it's not that leftists or queer ppl or feminists are better ppl- ppl more worthy to trust-#they're just as diverse and as good and as shitty as any other demographic of people.#you're gonna find shitty people everywhere. obviously you're more likely to find predators on the right but that doesnt mean theres not#plenty on the left too.#at a certain point calling yourself 'on the left' doesnt mean much aside from idk. thinking ppl need basic human rights?#and even then its apparent that some leftists dont think that. so who can say. maybe you wont misgender me? but nah- you will#if i disagree w you or if we get in a fight- i've seen plenty of leftists do this.#i just think the term is useless now.#i think the left is about to fracture into different groups at this point#anyways be weary traveler of ever putting all of ye trust into any group of people.#its possible to like ppl and enjoy being around them and still not fully trust them. and if something tells you to gtfo? you should#also putting all your trust in a group of ppl is a one way ticket into possibly joining a cult on accident#or at the very least a culty friendgroup
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working here is making me a little bit nuts abt antibullying again <3
#i mean ive always been a little nuts abt it. but its worse rn :)#i have been saying For Years that the reason antibullying campaigns have been so toothless is bc theyve ignored root causes#you cannot fight bullying while ignoring discrimination in our larger society#its not a fucking 80s movie people dont (frequently) get bullied Just for being nerds irl. the go to examples are so outdated#i could get into specifics but i think i dont need to! its ableism its racism its classism etc etc etc#we need to be actively teaching kids from a young age that at the bare minimum? acting on discriminatory beliefs is wrong#there needs to be actual consequences and understanding of why its wrong#we need to talk abt these issues WITH specifics. talk abt exactly whats wrong and why#call out specific common jokes explain slurs talk abt current events related to these issues#and fucking get rid of the 0 tolerance bullshit ive never heard of it doing anything but punishing the victim for fighting back#and i know some people will still be missed by this programming bc of their home life or influences. you really cant win them all#but you at least need to fucking try and attack this problem from the root instead of snipping vaguely at leaves#levi.txt#and i dont want to hear SHIT abt how your precious baby is too young to learn abt discrimination bc itll make them sad#as long as there are kids their age facing it? theyre not too young to try and understand#i just. aughhhh#like. ive been there dude i got bullied for a long ass time#didnt know why at the time but looking back it was absolutely bc i was nd#and that was so long ago and its still not better. it fuckin kills me man we should be getting over this#delete later#im very tired and this is a Big Rant but idfk man!! im mad#this shit ends lives youd think wed take it more seriously
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words fail me
#my art#emeto tw#sorta#who needs sleep after your catbwakes you upmat 3am to hurl after a fairly fucken bad day not fuvken me#i cant be bothered w the typos#like how tdo people say words#they just tell people things...?......????????????????#wah wah i had a bad day and couldnt sleep and had a panic attack#when i put it ike that indont look smart#im starving also#idk why#have to get up then#the words just lodge in my stupid throat and i cant fucking spit them up without a reason and no telling people is not a reason#apparently art is a reason#i have more words secretly. its likely healthiest to putnthem here#i feel like crying whenever mom and sibling have a productive convo cause thatb means i didnt waste months of my life working with himonstuf#getting in the boat stuff. theres still problems i dont know where thr balance is. betther to clean the kitchen to show yoh care or better t#o trust people to understand the limits of others? who knows but be sure to yell at me in a panic because you suddenly want my help with it#i think it was a legit panic attack with hyperventilation and everything and it was the middle of the night and i had to be the one that tal#ks myselfnthrough it not that id really trust anyone to have that skill but its still fuckend up#im tired#im really very tired
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