#i mean i expected him to die too but i cant say i wanted ANYONE to have ended up dying

[bluebellhairpin]

Y'all have gotta stop saying that 😭

[boysbeware2]

all the old tptm girl journal entries w the new (if anyone wants to see them again and compare them)

please proceed with caution as many of these could be upsetting to read

disposable girl (jordyn)

(old)

i cant fucking stand this. i try so goddamn hard to make friends, to be attractive to people, to be even somewhat appealing to them etc etc. it never works. i thought it would get better the older i get. thats what i was told. guess what! i was fucking lied to!!! im alwasy left out of EVERYTHING i never get invited to shit and my own friends ignore me all the time. everyone looks at me weird. i cant go in public anymore im so fucking terrified of everyone. nobody fuckinf wants me, man. im so close to doing something stupid i feel so gross and ugly and dumb i should actually just die id be doing everyone a favor LOL

(new)

man, i havent been on here in forever. the internet is kind of dumb. what is there to say? my friend group celebrated our outpatient graduation anniversary the other day, that was pretty nice. we’re all trying to figure out housing stuff, nora’s been helping with that. freyja + mayra + kairi found a place already (how are they so responsible??) and the rest of us are trying to find places near them so we can visit more often. i never expected to have such a big group of friends. if you told me 2 years ago that i’d be living like this, i wouldn’t believe you. it’s still surreal to me. i’m not sure what i did to deserve them. same goes for my girlfriends. i don’t wanna say who just yet, we’re still figuring things out, but i’m just so thankful for them. i feel so lucky to have a second chance at life. i really didn’t believe people when they said it would get better, and then it did. how funny…..

irreverent girl (kairi)

(old)

I do not want God to see me anymore. I do not want anymore eyes on me. This is near unbearable. I have no one to turn to. My mother is in the church. Many of my friends are in the church. They would tell me to find hope through Christ. They would tell me to pray to Him. They would tell me that He will save me. He must not remember He made me, and if He does, He simply does not care. I know this is unbecoming of me, and I don't mean to be dramatic. I am simply depressed, nervous, and I cannot tell what's real and what isn't anymore. I know I'm supposed to hear God speaking to me, but I do not, and I am tired of straining my ears. I just want to see a doctor. I want some kind of tangible solution. I do not want to pray anymore. Praying hurts. I only do it when I am afraid, but I am afraid much of the time. I don't want to be unheard anymore. I do not want to hold out hope for someone who does not act like they're there. I am hurting. I am hurting. I am hurting. Belief is hurting me. The idea of God is hurting me. I need an out. I am hurting.

(new)

When I have a job and money and I can move away from my shitty Mormon parents

splitter girl (tahira)

(old)

theres something so broken in me thats beyond saving. so i dont know why i keep trying to be saved. i meant to kill myself when i was 18. i didnt. all ive wanted to do lately is kill someone or something. i havent. im too much of a pussy to plan anything concrete, no matter how much i hate everyone around me. no matter how much i get off to videos of people dying or how much i love cutting myself i cant actually take action against other people. i am fucking purposeless. i was born from evil and i will always be evil and i cant even live up to that. i hate myself i hate myself i HATE myself and the universe hates me too. i dont know what to fucking do at this point. i talked to one of my friends about wantingto die and they said smthn about hospitalizing myself. maybe. i dunno. i dont know what else there is for me/. my eyes are fucking burning from lookign at my computer for so long adn not getting any goddamn sleep. i am not a good person. i dont think i can be helped but i just dont wanna fucking keep goign to school and being around people and pretending like everything is norma;l. i cant keep doing it. what the fuck is wrong with me whagt happened. why cant i be loved or feel love for other people when did something change in me that switched the aggression and affection parts of my brain. im hyperventilating ill be back. maybe

(new)

getting myself onigiri from this one good boba place 2nite bc im 8 months clean…… its the little things~ ^^

fainéant girl (freyja)

(old)

i know i dont hate being disabled... i just hate being disabled in a society that makes existing difficult... but sometimes i really just dont want to be disabled anymore. i dont want my family to lecture me about how i could be helping out more, or how i should get a job. i dont want teachers to keep asking me whats wrong or the fuckin uni counselor to try to get me hospitalized. i dont want to be in so much pain anymore, to feel so exhausted that i cant even do so much as prepare food for myself, let alone do anything meaningful or fulfilling. its not fair. i shouldnt have to stay inside and sit in the dark all day,. i should be able to have friends. to talk to people and to go out with them and to feel like i am alive. its lonely and traumatic to suffer through this and on top of that no one around me understands, and they never fully will. i am tired of trying to justify my existence to everyone, to explain the pain that i am in and why i shouldnt have to experience it. i know the problem isnt me. i know i live in a world that isnt built for me. but if the world cant change then sometimes i truly feel that i should just stop living in it. my lifespan is already shorter than everyone else's anyways. what difference does it make

(new)

my qpps didnt seem to appreciate me playing Alien Kids Alien Rap for them. Do they even love me

caliber girl (nora)

(old)

唉～It is 3 AM and I should go to sleep but I can’t. I have a work zoom meeting early in the morning and I gotta hit the gym also because I haven’t done leg day in like… weeks. Oh well, it doesn’t even matter. My value is depleting but I don’t think I care anymore. The turnaround date for my code is also in a couple of days and I haven’t made any progress. I keep getting the same error and I’m too tired to figure out what’s wrong. I might get fired at this rate LOL(笑). If that happens, I think I’ll just consider ending it all. Not that anybody will miss me. God I sound so weak and pathetic right now. When did it get like this. How did it get like this. I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’ve been through worse before and this is nothing. Ugh, why is it so hard to breathe? My chest hurts and I feel like something is wrong but I don’t know how to make it go away. Should I call someone about this? No. No one is awake or around to help. I’ll be fine. I’ll just sleep it off. Shake it off… shake it off…

(new)

My Tamagotchi beeped during a meeting fml

chocolate box girl (morgan)

(old)

i thought i was doing better but i cant stop thinking about them. their touch, their interests, their smile, everything. the worst part is that i miss them, after all of what they've done to me. i was 13. i dont even feel justified calling it rape since our relationship was so muddy... they never yelled at me or was angry at me, they just got so sad when i tried to speak my mind, and got all my friends to hate me when we finally broke up. i never said no so i feel like im insulting actual survivors by feeling violated. i wasnt even trying to get into a relationship with them, it just happened... i feel like everyone around me wants me in the same way they did, even though im an adult now and i dont even try to make myself appealing. i wish i could trust people not to take advantage of me, and i feel disgusting and selfish for feeling like everyone has ulterior motives of getting me to fall in love with them, or worse. that's so self centered of me. i dont know how long i can keep doing this

(new)

girl help i cant stop looking at anime figures on japan yahoo auctions !!!!!

taxidermy girl (mayra)

(old)

I don't remember ever not having a sex drive, is that normal ? I was born and then it was all downhill from there, something happened to me sexually i think, I don't know what happened, because I don't remember much, but something happened and I was beaten for it and yelled at and my mother hated me, and now I am an adult and I try to have sex, and I'm not there mentally, even if my body is participating, I feel like I am in the past again, being beaten and yelled at . I want to keep trying, I want to have fun, to feel safe in someone else's arms, to reach the heights of pleasure, but my mind scares me so much, I haven't been able to eat anything today because I feel so horrified by my body . If I was good I would have been born as a nonsexual being, no parts, no desires, no instincts, a blank slate, too empty to be enjoyed . Do you know what it feels like, to have your mother tell you people want to sexually abuse you when you are a child, and then to be made fun of by your peers for being so ugly, to have your middle school and high school classmates joke about how much they don't want to have sex with you ? I am illicit and undesirable at the same time, I am everyone's last option, I am nothing and still too much, rotting deer meat on the side of the road . I wish I had been born as something beautiful and pure, I wish I could start over, that whatever that initial sin was had never been committed .. I want to start over

(new)

Went to a kink event the other night and everyone was so nice … The low lights were fucking with my vision so one of the hosts helped me navigate the place . I ❤️ you random disabled ally with a pup mask on

chemical girl (joy)

(old)

LMAOOOOO im too angry and miserable to be around. i think i just need to give up at this point because theres clearly like. something broken inside me that cant be fixed. that has 2 be it because i try to talk and i just sound cold, i try to make a joke and it comes out overly edgy and unfunny, i try to be like everyone else but its too much. i cant even be a collection of the positive traits i see in others, i try to replicate it and it comes out warped and wrong. im either fucking enraged or in abject misery or way too happy and nobody can keep up with me. the thing is i dont even blame them. i wouldnt want to be around me either. do u know what thats like? being someone you wouldnt want to know? i keep hoping that one day ill wake up and suddenly be normal, the mood swings will be gone and everyone will like me and i wont do stupid shit that pisses them off. but i know that day isnt coming. theres no hope for me and i want to say sorry to everyone who has ever had the misfortune of knowing me but i know it wouldnt do anything. theres nothing i could ever do to make myself right

(new)

i need to convince my gf to take me to Round One again soon

refraction girl (nataana)

(old)

i don't want to do this anymore. i'm going somewhere better

(new)

talked with my psych and i’ll be starting TMS soon, it’s some thing where they put magnets to ur brain and it’s supposed to treat depression.. trying to temper my expectations bc i’ve tried so many treatments that just do nothing for me, but i’d be lying if i said my hopes weren’t riding on this. i want to confidently say i’m glad to be alive. i feel like i’m getting closer to that

nurse parallel/machine girl (xiomara)

(old)

I am so excited... Tomorrow my experimental outpatient treatment plan begins!!! I'm beyond delighted. I have complicated feelings about my DID being in remission, but it's nice to feel stable enough to be in charge of something this big, and to not have terrible gaps in my memory anymore. I still don't remember everything that happened to me, but maybe I don't need to. At this stage of my life, I feel content. I can confidently say everything was worth it. I want to help others feel that way, too. I think I can.

(new)

I’m meeting up with a new friend tomorrow… I feel nervous, but it’s a good nervousness, I think!

[sucker4sixx]

Raising hell

Pt.6

Plot: lap dances and secrets..

Warnings: none?

“Oh fuck! I thought i heard a broad in here!” Tommy smiles wide, nikkis face chalk white behind your one that displays a similar ‘no getting away with this now’ look. “Man you moan like a bitch” he laughs and points to nikki who grabs him and drags him in, urging you out and slamming the door.

You barley sleep that night but wake up to a loud knock at your door once again, you get up and open it to see stu your manager. You expect to be told that he heard of you and nikkis little rendezvous the night before but he smiles “morning.. your little ‘display’ with nikki has done this tour and out marketing amazing, we are speaking to nikki separately and we are just asking if you would start making it regular.. you know. Pull him out and give him a lap dance or whatever.” You think for a few seconds and shrug, rubbing your face to wake yourself up “yeah.. i dont mind” stu grins and places his hand on your shoulder “you made the right decision” without another word the pudgy man twaddles to nikkis hotel room to ask him the same question, you quickly hide away, too ashamed to see his face.

You arrive at the arena, making your way to your dressing room to do your makeup and hair. 10 minutes into doing your face the door knocks “come in?” The door swings open and nikki walks inside with a bag of chips, making himself quite comfy on the shitty couch that sat at the wall. “Yes?” You ask him and he swallows “just wanted to hide from tommy, hes been making very loud comments about last night” you roll your eyes and put down your foundation brush “why hasnt he told anyone? Did you pay him?” Nikki chuckles and throws the scrunched up empty packet of chips at the wall “nope, but i know he cant keep his beak shut so.. times ticking hun”. “Nikki i dont want people to know, id rather die” he sits up “well.. double suicide? We can choke eachother out it at the same time” you shake your head, making your way over to sit beside him. “Now thats just stupid, your stronger.. youd kill me before you even loose your breath” you trail your hand down his muscular arm.

“So what do you think of what stu asked you?” He smirks, watching your hand wander on his arm “i said yes.. of course, free lap dance every night? I mean cmon now” his grin turns wolfish “your such a sleaze” you move in and kiss him softly, his head moving into yours. He nibbles on your bottom lip before moving back “cmon beautiful you know you love it” you shake your head and move back to the vanity to do your makeup “dont call me that.. its too relationshipie” he laughs and stands up “well.. i gotta go get my gear on.. i got some blow if your wanting some before the show?” You grin up at him “perfect..” nikki leans down and kisses you quick before leaving.

The crüe play first and you watch from the side, finding your heart warming to nikki, he really does put on a show. After, he struts off all sweaty and confident and it makes you clench your legs. “You watched the whole show?” He makes his way over to you “n-no?” You giggle “dont do that.. its too relationshipie” he pokes fun at you, smirking.

You get on stage and at the end of the set the crowd chant “snake-eyed love” over and over. the song where you give nikki the lap dance. “okay okay!” You laugh into the mic “now.. i got a special friend who would love to play” you say, the crowd going wild “oh nikki! Nikki baby!” You laugh into the mic, nikki appearing from the side like a dog who just heard their name, the road crew setting up a chair centre stage. “Now..’i think nikkis been quite a good boy, he deserves a treat doesn’t he?” The crowd cheer loudly as you lead nikki to the chair. You lower yourself to his lap and sit, talking to the crowd as nikki nibbles at your neck, his large fingers digging into your hips. “Hit it!” You shout, the band starting the dirty, sleazy bass line, your hips slowly winding onto nikkis as you sing.

Nikkis grips your hips possessively, trying not to wind up of you as you dance on him. It gets to the solo and you park yourself right on his erection, grinding more rough as he moans into your ear, his hips meeting yours halfway as the crowd go insane. You move your head to the side to glance at your manager who stands grinning wide, knowing hes getting more money from this but you glance round to your band and they clearly arent happy with relating your best song to mötley crüe.

After the sets done your drummer, mel, pulls you into her dressing room “youve been fucking nikki?!” She growls “mel, w-what are you talking about?” She rolls her eyes “dont play dumb, me and tommy talk and he talks.. alot.” You sigh and know theres no way out of this “i just dont get it! You know how much we hate him! Hes a total womanizer and he doesnt care about your feelings, he just wants to fuck!” You stand up straighter, trying to stand above her “nikki is NOT like that! He is sweet and understanding and kind!” “You are embarrassing yourself! Are you a fucking idiot?!” Mel laughs angrily “maybe i am an idiot but maybe im also an adult, who can make her own decisions.” You storm out, bumping into nikkis chest.

“Quick, lets go, everybody knows” nikki says with a frustrated look, grabbing your wrist and dragging you out the stadium, both of you still in your stage costumes and makeup, jumping straight into a cab.

[crushedsweets]

OK I NEED TO CLEAR MY ASKBOX

IM JUST GONNA ANSWER A TON OF THEM HERE SO I DONT CLOG UP MY FEED....

hi >.<

this is so fucking sweet i remembered how happy i was when i first got my car. i cried everyday for a week straight because i was so happy. very glad yall got to watch me get my first car. i spend over an hour in her every day commuting now. LMFAOOO (i named her lindsay btw) ((after tdi lsinday)). im so sorry im late but thank you so much this meant sm !!! <3

you asked me this in august im evil oh my god. anyway i aagree. but i am always inclined to forever think he's a midwest emo guy. twin sized mattress forever

SHE NEEDS AND DESERVES SO MANY.

im immediately inclined to say clocky or toby the second i see time and fire mentions. so ticciwork. my clocky is often a bit messy so she'd be pissed and angry and upset over the sort of war she's found herself in, especially as she sees toby just falling deeper into it. 'my god, was i oblivious?' when she finally realizes toby will always, always put Slenderman before her. frustrating. 'hell stays hungry for a world so weak' natalie is hungry for a good world, but she thinks everyone is too weak for goodness, meanwhile toby is hungry for power so he can make everyone else seem weak. etc. 'they only want you to bleed' they being slendy, operator, zalgo, etc etc etc... power, being a pawn, fighting, using humans as toys in a battlefield, etc etc.. yeah

RELEASE ME JOEY

i genuinely think nina is a really good influence on so many of the creeps. like theyre all assholes, traumatized, refuse to believe in the good in the world, etc etc. but nina is traumatized and still kickin. she comes in like ^_^ hello chat. and i think that, while its still important to feel the shitty feelings, it's really grounding to see someone whos just so .. able to be happy. idk. someone who SEEKS joy, rather than expects it to fall into their lap, and blames the world when it doesnt

this si perfect idk why i forgot about bats for him. gotta get back into this idea

AHHH OK I WILL DO MORE EVENTUALLY i just wanna say thank yewww i think theyre such a good sibling dynamic. like little brothers and big sisters and both being little assholes to eachother but would die for the other. idk. ugh. important to me.

actually this sounds really sweet..... thats funny cuz i was JUST talking to a friend about who i would have EJ go endgame with if i had to, but i couldnt settle on anyone. but liu seems like a good fit for ej. i think they'd be super sweet

ANON ME TOO AHHHH ITS LITERALLY MY FAVORITE FUCKING THING EVER. I DONT GAF ABOUT EVIL MEAN 'CANON' SLENDER I LOVE WHEN HE'S A DAD AND WORRIES AND STRESSES. IEPFB AND KASTOWAYS SLENDY>

AH THANK YOU!!! he reminds me of my little cousins HAHA theyre like 10-14 right now and theyre all cuties.... just playing roblox and being mischievous...

THIS IS ABOUT THE BLUSHING NAT DRAWING ISNT IT AHAH OMG THANK YOU!!! i think shes so cute. i know she cant handle compliments. she's either deadpanned 'thanks' or just covers her face and says 'shut up' cuz she doesnt know what to do.

I LOVE HER TOO!!!

GOOD NEWS THEN ive drawn her a handful of times since u sent this HAHA TYSM

you sent like... natobina i think... ok tbh kinda slaps

OK REAL but also when i read it i keep reading it as 'cochina' and i cannot bring myself to name the throuple that </3 HAHA

TBH AHAHA I SEE IT. TOBYS AMETHYST GARNETS NATALIE AND NINA IS STEVEN.

i want jeff to ache in his loneliness

i need to draw connie asap but also THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN FOR THE CAR CONGRATS I REALLY APPRECIATE IT IM SO HAPPY I LOVE MY CAR SO MUCH i gotta go vaccuum her..

shes such a cat to me. feline. of sorts, if you will

also good news for you anon, i have also drawn her an ungodly amount of times since youve sent this. LOL

THEYRE MY ANGELS I HAVE MORE OF THEM !!! I LOVE THEM!! AHHHGGG

literally the second that people tell me i made them start to like clocky i am overwhelmed with joy. i feel so much ache when people aren't fond of her bc shes so fucking cool and such a good character and so much fun. so sad that 2015 era creepypasta fandom destroyed her. but im here to fix it...

IM SORRY ANON I BARELY DRAW HIM HES JUST SO BOYISH I LAUGH EVERYTIME I SEE HIM FKAHAHAAH OK OKOK ILL CHANGE ILL DRAW HIM I SWEAR

I REMEMBER WHEN I FIRST STARTED DOING EMOJI ANONS BAHAHA u guys r funny

incredibly. happy. to do this to u.

nope! im not too interested in the 2021 nina just cuz i feel like i've seen that character concept many times (not just in jane), BUT if i had to do my own intepretation of her, 2021 nina would be INCREDIBLY immature in like. not a childish way, but an entitled, angry-fueled adult who cannot comprehend anyone else's thoughts/feelings. and thus, would despise OG nina (although within reason, OG nina idolizes the person who killed her family) . but even if there wasnt a good reason to dislike OG nina, she'd be mean. and OG nina would be mad and bitch. and theyd theyd fight. HAHA

I-IF...???????? ANON?

HELD TO THE FUCKING BRIM

[coldresolve]

You probably get a million of these but your story is absolutely perfect in every way and holy shit. I did NOT expect that to happen - although i did expect that there will be an attempt, but not carried out successfully, iykwim.

Damn renee. I hope he will be fine 🥺 poor little guy. He needs a good old hug.

And imani comforting conrad was the most delicious scrumptious moment in this chapter for some reason, she is just so pure and wants to help </3 awww i love it.

And like, jesus, i could talk about this for hours and days and weeks but damn it, i cant wait for the next chapter, it will be so interesting to see how emergency services react?

And damn shaun is so professional holy shit idk why i love him too!!!!!! He is so good and so “detached” but he still cares and doesnt want anyone to die. He has his rules and morals but its not like the “youre a bad guy you tortured someone i will let you die” but “youre still a human being worth saving” eventho he most likely knows what renee did… well he definitely knows, he seems like the type who puts the pieces together fairly quick but doesnt like to mention it. Just aware of the picture without interfering. Or idk if i got that wrong, thats just how i saw him, and i love his personality.

Well i love all your characters’ personalities and yeah, please please never stop writing, im absolutely blown away and you (and M.M.) inspired me to get back into writing! So thank you for that. Youre an amazing human being and your story helped me more than you can ever imagine. Sorry for the rant i cant contain my thoughts anymore.

asdfkjh thank u nonny. its wild to me that theres been so many ppl saying ive gotten them back into writing, i think thats genuinely the best compliment i could get. go for it man, theres so much meaning in it

also small ramble time

shaun is kind of an interesting character yea. hes a black market doctor and i didnt want to go the route of 'he's just in it for money'. so i had to give him ethics thatd allow for treating people regardless of the abhorrent things theyve done, and staying neutral to the suffering (and possibly death) that those same people might cause down the line. so yknow, if he wants to save lives that'd otherwise be lost because these people won't go to regular hospitals, he has to stay neutral, because otherwise they wouldnt come to him for the treatment they need. he has weighed the here-and-now suffering of the people he treats and concluded that as a rule it has to be prioritized over possible-future-suffering. and it all results both in shaun being complicit in conrads torture, and doing what he did in the last chapter

idk how explicit im gonna get with it in the coming chapters and its not a huge spoiler, but like. this whole event has definitely made him reconsider his approach, cause suddenly its not so black and white as neutral-professionalism-saves-lives. suddenly his lack of intervention allowed the circumstances that resulted in three deaths. and how often has something like that happened throughout his career where he just never found out about it, yknow?

[vinecradle]

10 OMG - the end of an era (✿)

scaramouche x fem!reader

masterlist | previous | next

waiting for kaveh to walk in, you smiled from ear to ear from what you're feeling today. nilou chuckled seeibg you smile, "you've gone so far, yn. though i believe this is just a start for a new page in your story." she spoke.

you soon heard a knock and the door soon opened, revealing the male you all were waiting for.

"ynnn!" he shouted and tackled you in a hug. not expecting it, you both fell down from the couch you were just sitting on.

nilou hurriedly took a picture for memories and joined into the group hug, with layla quickly following after.

sighed, elated from everyone hugging you as you held back tears of happiness. "i feel so free now, and i wont have to worry about what i feel about him anymore. i've moved on, i finally moved on." you choke out and started laughing.

kaveh ruffles your hair, "well, how about it? this deserves a celebration. where do you wanna go?"

you start thinking hard, until something clicked.

"karaoke!!"

┊ ➶ ｡˚ 　　°

┊ ➶ ｡˚ 　　°

you hugged everyone again once you've reached the dorms, "thank you again for today!! it was so fun screaming so many taylor swift songs, but now my throat is kind of.. at it's limit..." you managed to say.

the tree returned the hug, "my throat's at it's limit too, i mean who can blame me! it's taylor swift. anyways, gotta go now or else my phone would die." kaveh spoke and left.

everyone else soon got inside and yawned in unison. laughing together, nilou spoke. "i guess everyone needs some rest after tonight."

"definitely. good night, you two!"

reaching your room, you took out your headphones and quickly played the song kazuha said he liked, ditto. a song from 1998.

and slowly, you fell into a slumber.

• kaveh's post is him with nilou and layla, in that pic you were finding clothes to wear while they took a picture in your room and nilou's post is a photo of her singing

• i recommend paying attention to good parts' lyrics since it has a connection with this chapter 🫶🏻

summary :: wanting to go back to your dorm from the library, and accidentally leaving a friend's book there not knowing she has the intention of making you give it to someone she's trying to set you up with, a note inside with your number. without anyone realising, the book is in the hands of someone else, and you then wake up to a message from an unknown number.

author's note :: i know i literally just made a new smau not too long ago but i cant believe i already got inspiration for another one 😭 but i cant decide which character i should do for the male lead, i wont be doing alhaitham or cyno because i dont know how to write them for the life of me 🫠

taglist (1/2) :: @aeongiies @hrtswinter @zyilas @cofijelli @stuckinadreamland06 @elyionaa @thenightsflower @ohmyfinggod @mikctp @cherrybeomgyu @raideneiari @sakiimeo @xiaosonlybeloved @simp4bakuh03 @kunikuzushiit bolded cannot be tagged!

[velarisdusk]

Our favorite Azriel stan 🦇🖤💙 !!

1. Why is Azriel one of your favorite characters?

2. Is there a specific scene that made you like them?

3. What theories/headcanons do you have for Azriel?

4. Feel free to share anything else about Azriel that the questions didn’t cover!

omg i wasn't expecting such a title, what an honor. i’d like to thank the academy, azriel, beyonce

putting this under the cut bc i just realized how much i wrote lol

i always love the characters that don’t talk much and aren’t super expanded on by the author (this isnt me saying he lacks depth, i just need an azriel book). ig partially bc of more room for headcanons/fanon exploration, but mostly bc it’s like…. omg so mysterious let me learn more abt you bbg 🫦 az is so broody and witty and i love that abt him

im gonna be so real i fell in love with him (and cass) from that first dinner at the house of wind. like i said, very quiet, very witty, lots of small but telling facial reactions. i was REALLY hooked, though, later on at the “i don’t see you spouting poetry, brother” “i don’t need to resort to it” AND IM PRETTY SURE HE WAS LIKE LEANING AGAINST THE WALL OR SOMETHING ARMS CROSSED WITH A LITTLE SMIRK LIKE STOP THATS ENOUGH I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE i know its such a basic and very brought up bit of dialogue but UGH i literally squealed and kicked my legs for feyre bc god i WISH i couldve witnessed that with my own eyeballs

buckle up, i’ve got a good few. azriel: ♡ is left-handed. i wont be taking any questions. ♡ is a switch, but ive been on my sub!azriel soapbox for months now, and i'm not getting off anytime soon. sub top sub bottom idc, sub azriel for president ♡ if only he was born in the right place and the right time, he would LOVE rock music. i think where cass is more classic rock (i'll die on this hill), az is more punk rock, alt rock, garage rock, grunge if he's feeling a lil crazy. oh but i bet he loves classical music. ♡ at one point he tried to learn piano bc he wanted to play a piece he heard at one of those hewn city balls :) but he realized very quickly how difficult it would be what with the chronic pain in his hands and all :( ♡ there was one night in particular, he was alone at the house of wind practicing, and he got so frustrated after messing up the same measure for the millionth time. staring down at the keys - no, at his hands, his fingers... he slammed the keylid down on them over and over in a moment of rage ♡ when the IC asked why his fingers were wrapped, he'd told them he just trained too hard ♡ but he didn't stop playing. i like to think he plays in private. plays and sings for the shadows. and it's always beautiful ♡ he's got a soft spot for animals. specifically birds.. like owls and falcons i think. ♡ i also feel like he's got pre-mission rituals. like he's gotta sharpen his blades in a specific order, checks his gear once, twice, three times. reflects in front of the mirror for a few minutes, then heads out. i feel like it borders on compulsive. like he feels that if he deviates from it even slightly, something will go wrong with the mission. ♡ REALLY good with kids. they just gravitate toward him. he'll let them play with his shadows, shapes them into little animals too UGH uncle az with nyx is so :") ♡ has a small, hidden tattoo that means a lot to him and no one else knows about it. yes, he did it on himself. no, he isn't showing anyone except his mate. ♡ OH ALSO i feel like hes really good at dancing. like cmon he sneaks around all the time hes gotta be very nimble and quick on his feet. qualities of a good dancer. put him in a dance with nesta lets see THAT i have a lot of thoughts on azriel my bad

i love him

[aby55-of-the-ab5o1ute]

..

OH!? SO EVERYONES JUST GONNA WORRY ABOUT ME? NOT OUR SYSTEM, OR THE COLLECTIVE, OR ANYBODY ELSE!? HOW MY PARENTS MIGHT FEEL IF I HAVE TO GO, OR MY CHILDREN, OR MY SIBLINGS, OR LITERALLY ANYONE!?

IM NOT THE ONLY ONE HERE YOU CAN'T JUST IGNORE EVERYONE ELSE UNLESS THEY PRETEND TO BE ME OR SPAM VENT POSTS!!

AND YOU CANT EVEN GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME PROPERLY

YOU DONT EVEN GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME!

IM JUST A "COOL HOST" OR SOME SHIT!

Y'KNOW WHAT!? MAYBE I'LL JUST LEAVE! I'LL FORCE Y'ALL TO LEARN TO FUCKING LOVE THE OTHERS AND NOT JUST STAND AWKWARDLY OR IGNORE THEM BECAUSE "WELL I DONT KNOW THEM"

WELL YOU KNOW ME, AND I LOVE THEM! MAYBE TRY TO FUCKING GET TO KNOW US

I DONT WANNA KNOW YOU IF YOU ONLY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME

ESPECIALLY IF YOU DONT EVEN ATLEAST CARE ABOUT THIZZY

HE'S LITERALLY MY SIBLING

MY "TWIN"

WE ARE JOINED TOGETHER

WE ARE SEMI-FUSED

HE IS THERE FOR ME WHEN I NEED SOMEONE

HE IS THERE FOR ME WHEN I DONT NEED SOMEONE

HE TAKES CONTROL OF THINGS WHEN I CANT

HE TAKES RESPONSIBILITY AND PROTECTS US

WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO ANYBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT!?

AND WHY DO THEY NOT EVEN ACTUALLY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME!?

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE WORK SO GOD DAMN HARD TO KEEP US AFLOAT

JUST IN OUR SYSTEM ALONE

THIZZY IS THERE WHENEVER I NEED TO GET OUT OF FRONT OR FRONT IS NEEDED TO BE OCCUPIED

VEEBEE HELPS ME GATEKEEP AND KEEP TRACK OF ALTERS BECAUSE I HAVE SO MUCH GOD DAMN STUFF TO DO

YEVA, NORI, AND KHAN PROTECT AND SOOTHE US

THATS ONLY OUR SYSTEM

AND ONLY JUST A FEW OF THE GOD DAMN PEOPLE

YOU DONT CARE ABOUT THEM

AND YOU CANT EVEN CARE ABOUT ME PROPERLY

STOP IGNORING THE PARTS YOU DONT LIKE

STOP

ONLY

CARING

ABOUT

ME

ITS SO AGGROVATING

SOMEONE WILL COME INTO FRONT WITH FRIENDS AND THEN LEAVE BECAUSE THEY EITHER GET IGNORED, OR TREATED LIKE THEIR ME

THEY MATTER TOO!

I GET IT, "YOU DONT KNOW THEM", BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN YOU GET TO IGNORE THEM

YOU KNOW US AS A COLLECTIVE

THEY'VE LURKED BEFORE

HELL MAYBE YOU DO KNOW THEM BUT THEY JUST PRETENDED TO BE ME BECAUSE THATS THE ONLY WAY THEY DONT GET SIDE LINED!

THE AMOUNT OF TIMES WE'VE HAD ALTERS COME INTO FRONT AROUND FRIENDS/FAMILY, SAY HI, MAYBE GET GREETED, AND NOT TALKED TO AGAIN OR IGNORED WHEN THEY SAY SOMETHING IS FUCKING ANNOYING!

THIS IS WHY IM THE MAIN FRONTER

WHY IM OVERWORKED

BECAUSE NOBODY CAN FUCKING GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE OTHERS!

OH GOD AND ESPECIALLY MY DAD, KHAN?

HE NEVER FRONTS NOW!

I HAVE TO WHINE AND BEG FOR HIM

BECAUSE NOT ONLY WAS HIS FIRST EXPERIENCE BEING SIDE-LINED FOR HIS WIVES

BUT IT WAS ALSO HIM BEING COMPARED TO HIS SOURCE AND TREATED LIKE THE SCUM OF THE EARTH

AND SURE OUR FRIENDS NOW MIGHT NOT BE THAT BAD

BUT NOBODY FEELS WELCOMED!?

IM NOT EXPECTING A WELCOME PARTY AND A CAKE TO BE BAKED FOR THEM

IM EXPECTING FOR THEM TO BE TREATED LIKE FUCKING PEOPLE

And I can't even be cared about properly..

I'm ignored until I'm on the brink of fucking suicide.

or until I go directly to vent to people..

and when..

when I wanna rant about my family..

like.. in-system family..

i get ignored...

I talk about alters and then people sideline it

I talk about shit and then nobody cares

I'm tired..

you guys have made it so i never want to front again.

i don't want to speak to you guys ever again.

i don't want to be the host forever but nobody else is accepted so here I am.

thinking basically everyday "will this be the day I die?"

and most of the time its Thizzy helping me through it.

giving me the will to live.

its Nori helping me through it.

or anyone else.

so yeah.

i dont care right now about how terrible of a person I sound like.

We have been struggling for months with only our system being able to front for the most part because the other systems were forced out due to them not catering to what our friends/family wanted.

and now its getting worse.

now its turning into me being the only one able to front.

fuck this.

you guys made us feel like shit.

[yellowbluemoonshine]

Heyyy!Have you seen the spoilers for chapter 389? what is your opinion? :>

Hey, anon. I assume you mean chapter 388? Because chapter 389 isnt out yet. And for new chapter 388, there is not much say but here we go;

Bnha Chapter 388 Opinions;

Rest in peace, Mr. Robot, you are true hero.

Finally, Rei has the chance to show how much she loves her children, Touya. She goes towards fire to save his son. I love how first two thing she says 'Touya! I am sorry!' because thats exactly what Touya needs to hear. His mom is here to save him, trying to cool him down and tells him that she is sorry.

And i wish we get more clear reaction from Dabi because his face is...hard to read. He looks so shocked and sad but still, i wish we get some child Touya rec to his mom since we get with Endeavour scenes so we should've get with his mother and siblings too. I hope we get it at some point in story.

And this is personal opinion but i dont like Fuyumi and Natsuo's speech, compared to Rei's.

Though it is understandable why they say this, i dont like it. Fuyumi says she doesnt want to lose 'anyone else'. This speech is like 'we already lost you so at least, i want my parents to stay alive'. Its like she is saying that there is no hope for Touya.

And Natsuo's 'stupid big brother' thing reminds me of Shouto who said the same thing to him. He is thinking about his past and he says 'stop causing more trouble!'. As if this is all Touya's fault. As if Touya shut his mouth, none of these would've happenned. I think this is the last thing Touya needs to hear right now.

So i know most people might not agree with this but i dont like those speechs at all. I know its such an emotional moment and all, but i wish they told him that they want their brother to live too, that they love him, that they should come home already etc. It is realistic that they are talking this way, and at least they are trying to save their brother too, mostly their mother and father but i think they also want to save Touya too so i get it but once again, i hate their speechs. Its not helpfull.

And Endeavour lol. I never have any expectations for him so i am not surprised that his decision is to kill Touya. Once again leave him behind, the black sheep of the family. Look, i do understand that Endeavour doesnt want other family members to die but he had so many chances to make it right, he constantly throw all of these away and since beginning until the end, he is just ugh.

Meanwhile, Touya is already mentally out of it. I dont even think he understands what is happenning right now. He kinda lost the control of his power, his mind. I think he cant stop the fire even if he wants to. But i think at the end he seems kinda happy that his family is here with him so thats why he is imagining a world that he is accepted, happy with his family. Except Shouto, because because in his mind, he didnt accept him as family member yet.

This was painful to read. Touya deserves better. I am worried about him because he might get 'too exicted' to be with his family again and might be out of control more. I dont think he will die but still, its painful to read. I hope he and other gets saved in time.

[quodekash]

HOLY FRICK THE EPISODE CAME OUT 17 AND A HALF HOURS AGO BUT I COULDNT WATCH IT BC I WAS CAMPING WITH NEXT TO NO SERVICE

BUT IM HOME NOW SO ITS TIME TO DIE AND EXPLODE AND EXPLODE AGAIN AND THEN DIE AGAIN AND SCREAM A LOT

...why do I feel like she doesnt actually like him but she just thinks she likes him

I mean its entirely possible she does

but im just putting it out there that she might not

AHA

SHE SAYS SHE JUST WANTS TO STUDY AT THE SAME UNI AS HIM

NOT THAT SHE LIKES HIM OR WANTS TO BE WITH HIM IN A ROMANTIC SENSE

BADABING BADABOOM KANG IS JUST DRAMATIC AND THINKS THAT MEANS SHE LIKES HIM

maybe

again, its very possible she does actually like sailom

oh honeyyyyy

my boy :(((

he sad :(((((((((

OML IM LAUGHING SO HARD

HIS JUMPER SAYS 'BOY'

HE IS INDEED ONE OF THOSE

WHY AM I FINDING THIS SO FUNNY

I DONT THINK ANYONE ELSE LAUGHED AT THIS BUT HERE I AM LOSING MY MIND

nO

HEY

WHY

DUDE WE NEED THIS PLOT TO PROGRESS YOU CANT JUST QUIT

DO YOU REMEMBER HOW MUCH PINING YOU GUYS HAD WHEN YOU HAD TO FIRE HIM FOR LIKE FIVE DAYS?????? YOU GUYS WERE FRIKIN HOPELESS

YOU COULDVE TALKED TO ECAH OTHER AND YOU DIDNT

AND NOW YOU THINK YOU CAN SURVIVE JUST QUITTING???? NUH UH, NOT ON MY WATCH SON

...oh

well now im sad

WELL NOW IM S A D D E R

OH HONEY

MY BOY NEEDS VALIDATION

IM GONNA CRY

AWWWWHHHHHHHHH

lmaoooo the super slow dramatic shots as he questions everything

she's just a lesbian kang, calm down bro

IM SORRY, I CANT GET OVER HIS BOY SHIRT

GUYS THEYRE SITTING NEXT TO EACH OTHER

I THINK THEY MIGHTVE FINALLY FIGURED OUT HOW TO INTERACT OUTSIDE OF TUTORING????

OML LOOK AT HOW PIMFAH'S SITTING

SHES SO GAY

and valid. I would sit that attentively if it were me as well, june is too too pretty hOW IS SHE SO PRETTY

bro was just offered a footy position by a senior, and he's thinking about sailom. gay as all hell

AAAAAAA

GUYNAWA TIME OMGOMGOMGOMG

IM SO EXCITEDDDDDDD

HEEHEEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE YES NAWA’S GONNA REPLACE HIM AN THEN GUYNAVA ARE GONNA PLAY ON THE SAME TEAMMMMMMM

also lmao he's good at catching balls

that sentence will definitely send both of them into insane amounts of gay panic

THIS IS SO SOUNDWIN OF THEM AND I CANT EXPLAIN IT, I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

HOLY FRICK WE'RE NEARLY HALFWAY THROUGH THE SERIES AND WE'RE GETTING A DECENT AMOUNT OF PROGRESS FOR THESE TWO, IM SO EXCITED

HELP I CANT TELL IF SHES KIDDING OR NOT SOMEONE HELP ME

DOES SHE LIKE HIM??? DOES SHE NOT LIKE HIM???? DOES SHE JUST ADMIRE HIM PLATONICALLY?????? H E L P

also: she better be about to make a joke about like "oh well, im heartbroken now. i thought you could spend time with me, but it turns out your heart is only for kanghan, as i expected" and we can all watch sailom gay panic

oh. she was serious.

dANG IT

OH NO SHES SO SAD

NOW IM SO SAD

FRICK DANG IT

OH NOOOO

HONEYYYYYYY

FRICKKKKKKK

I LOVE HER SO MUCH

oh :(

its a metaphor :(

i usually love metaphors but this one is sad

i didnt expect to get so invested in this sailom/pimfah thing

i think i just love pimfah a lot

shes so important to me

and so is sailom

and so is kanghan

i get unhealthy emotional attachments to fictional characters and also to real people and because of that i cant let anything go and i hoard things and memories and people for fear that i will be left alone

anyway-

bro

the grabbing each other's shirts??? the rain??? the yelling at each other????

this is literally that scene from the pilot trailer

where they yell at each other about hating the other, and then kiss

(i think about that scene probably more than is strictly necessary)

W H A T

i-

wh-

h- he

he tOLD HIM????

RIGHT OFF THE BAT JUST LIKE THAT????

(yes dr seuss i did- sorry, now is not the time for sanders sides references)

um.

im.

uh

well i think i just died

boy is Shook™️

i mean valid

but his expression is so funny to me and im laughing again

his older brother senses are tingling

they👏were👏paired👏together👏randomly👏therefore👏they👏are👏soulmates👏

i love them so much

HE WAS THE FIRST ONE TO HIS SIDE I CANT

IM FINE IM FINE IM FINE

✨i ran out of images✨

[fangirlstorycreator]

Terry KK3 X Reader

Context: A police officer arrives outside your flat, why was he there? 🤔

You and Terry had a wonderful date the night before, and because you were both closer to your flat than his house, you both stayed at your place. Of course, being as you were with Terry, you couldn't keep your hands off eachother. And pretty much anytime you had some time to spend together, you were always being...very physical shall we say... However, after a very tiaring few hours together in your bedroom, you both were just laying on your rather untidy looking bed, when a knock came at the door. "That's weird? I'm not expecting anyone" you say to Terry. Climbing out of bed, you put on your dressing gown and make your way out of the bedroom and towards the front door.

"Who is it?" "This is officer Smith, I need to speak with you please" a police officer? Were you in trouble? Was Terry in trouble? You opened the door and there he stood, all in uniform with his badge and everything. "Can I help you officer?" "We received a concerned call from one of your neighbor's. They said they were worried that a young woman was in trouble at this address" "Ok well that is really weird? I'm the only one who lives hear and I haven't been hurt or attacked in any way, and my boyfriend only visits me every few days" "They said they could hear screaming from this flat about an hour ago, that is why they alerted the police" "They heard screaming? But I wasnt-.....oohh..." Its then that it suddenly hits you. "Oh god this is so embarrassing" You hide your face in your hands, just as Terry walks up to the door in just his trousers.

"Oh, a police officer. What's the problem? And baby, why are you looking embarrassed?" "My apologies, mr?" "Silver, Terry Silver" he says while shaking the officers hand. "Mr Silver I'm just hear to check up on a report from one of the neighbor's hear. They said they could hear a woman screaming from this address and were worried she was in trouble. That's why I'm hear" At first Terry is confused, but then he looks at you and remembers the reason the neighbor's heard her screaming. "Ooohhh! Ah...ok..." He just laughs as you continue to hide your face. "Baby did you want me to explain to him?" "Please Terry, I'm just going to make myself a coffee in the kitchen and try not to die of embarrassment"

He kisses your forhead before you walk over to the kitchen, and he starts explaining the situation. "I'm sorry officer but it isnt what you think. You see the neighbor's were right, they could hear screaming from this flat...but not 'that's kind of screaming" Terry raises his eyebrow at the officer, and the officer completely understands. "Ah, I see. I'll tell you the truth, this isnt the first time this has happend. A few weeks ago there was a couple in a culdesac who were making too much noise, and their next door neighbor called the police too. Turns out they were just a husband and wife getting back together after a long time away from each other" "Thanks for understanding officer, your more than welcome to ask me and Y/N any questions to make sure? But I can assure you, I would never, ever do anything to hurt her"

"Dont worry mr Silver, I can see the body language between you too, and after seeing many relationships that try to hide domestic abuse, I know this isnt one of them. I'll leave you too it, but uhh...just try to keep the noise down from now on yeh?" "We'll certainly try" The both share a little chuckle before the officer leaves and Terry closes the door. "Holy sh#t! That's not something that happens everyday baby" "I cant belive I was that loud that a neighbor thought I was in trouble, I feel like such an idiot" He walks over to you and plants a soft kiss on your lips, then he rests his hands on your hips as he looks down to you. "Baby relax, if you think about it, it's kind of my doing. I mean, I was the one that made you do those noises" "Yeh your right" "I'll tell you what, to save on any other possible embarrassing moments, why dont we do this kind of thing at my place? It makes sence. Theres a lot more room and I dont have anyone living near my place. And you wont have to worry about being to loud. In fact....its a chance for us to explore new things, and possibly make you scream even louder..." "I think that's a great idea babe, and what was that about 'exploring new things?'" "Well, why dont we get dressed and head to my place? Then you can find out...."

[k-arb]

Dunked on: a collection of thoughts reguarding sans

I like how sans just cheats. Specifically at the end of the genocide route. When you get there, youre expecting a fight, be it from asgore, sans, or whoever. When it finally starts, youre braces for it to begin, you know the rules of the game, youre prepared with your highest healing items

And then sans goes first. You arent expecting it, it hasnt been like that the entire game, and youre not even familliar with the mvoes hes using. You know how the blue soul works, assuning you played pacifist beforehand, but noones ever been able to physically move your soul. And then theres the gaster blasters, more moves you know nothing about. Everything flies at you so quickly, you almost instantly die. And the whole time youre confused as to why youre taking heaps of damage with what looks like poison chipping away at your health.

Your invcibility frames are gone, mentally youre thinking "thats not fair". And it isnt. Sans doesnt let you go first because you dont deserve to be fought fairly. Youre a mass murderer with too much unchecked power, noone in their right mind is going to want to fight you fairly. So sans cheats

Immediately after the first attack, you may fight, but by checking you find out how sans cheeses the game. "The weakest enemy, can only do 1 ATK". 1 ATK sure, he can only deal 1 hp of damage, but with the absence of your i frames, now replaced by the KR meter, 1 hp adds up. And it adds up fast.

Now maybe after checking him, you decide to try out your new weapon. But you cant. Sans knows you'll kill him in one hit, so he does something no other monster has until this point. He dodges. He dodges your attacks, breaking the rules of how the game is supposes to work. Monsters dont dodge, theyve never been able to. Sans doesnt care. This isnt a fair fight, and he never intended for it to be one. Everything he does is to get you to give up and stop playing, because that means you cant hurt anyone else. And playing a game thats unfair sure as hell wont want to make you play anymore.

Sans's attacks are unlike any other in the game. He plays dirty. Sometimes theres a pattern to be followed, sometimes there isnt, and you have to think on your feet in order to not get killed. His attacks dont give you any breathing room to speak of, you have to jump through tight spaces, inch your way between bones, its always at 100 and wont ever not be.

Then the turning point happens. Something stressed in undertale is that your goal as the player is to see what happens. You kill almost everyone just to see what sans will say, or to see how things play out. Its always you wanting to see whats next. So when sans presents you with the option to spare him, some might give into that desire, and click the button. This is tied for sans's biggest act of cheating. He puts you in a box, shoves it full of bones, and gives you nowhere to run.

Youve been dunked on. Sans says so himself. In an attempt to get you to stop once more, he says that if you really are friends, you wont bother coming back. Hes a sore winner, and he tells you to never boot up the game again because youre just that bad.

Now once you come back, and decide not to spare him, his attacks get harder. The screen blacks out, youre unprepared for what happens next, and the gaster blasters ramp up in intensity. And to make matters worse, he gets more blatant with his cheating. He begins attacking you during your turn, in the text box, in your menus, not enough to kill, but just enough to chip your health down to 1. Reminding you that this isnt a fair fight. It never was, and it wont get any easier.

The fight keeps getting harder, you only learn how his very first attack works now instead of when you needed to, and the quick attacks get quicker. All the while, sans appears to be getting more and more tired. So he issues one last attack before his so-called special attack one thats a combination of almost all of his attacks so far, and if you manage to survive all of that, he just grabs you and throttles you around the room like youre nothing. It doesnt kill you, but it does rub salt in the wound.

Then, after youve made it to the end, sans tells you what his final move is going to be. Nothing. Aboslutely nothing. This is the biggest act of cheating sans displays. Its as if you were playing chess, and the opponent means to win by never moving. Sans is going to keep having his turn forever. It doesnt matter how long you stay there, hes not going to give up. It never becomes your turn. Sans has won by initiating a stalemate.

At least thats how it is before you decide to play along.

The only way to beat a cheater is to cheat back. You do something youve never been able to before. That being having your turn during sans's you push the text box to the side, and then down, and press the attack button. Sans, still keeping up his cheating streak, decides to dodge again. But at this point you dont care. Mid sentance, you issue your first and final blow. Sans falls, bleeds, and realizes hes lost. Then, he simply gets up, and walks off screen. If he cant beat you or cheat the system, the least he can do is take away the satisfaction of seeing you die.

So yeah, sans cheats. He cheats a whole bunch. And i like that. Its such a frustrating fight, and i feel it was at least partially designed to be. Story-wise it also makes sense because why would anyone plal fairly against you, a murderer?

Im not sure how to end this off, so i'll just reiterate that i really like how sans cheats against you, and i hope hes drinking ketchup in undertale heaven.

[liauditore]

is there any voicaloid songs you think capture bigB pretty well‽

OH MY GOD THANK YOU FOR ASKING... MY SAVIOUR I CAN FINALLY RAMBLE ABT MY STUPID PLAYLISTS. ANON I LOVE YOU.

so first off bouquet garni ofc . i did a whole drawing abt it so i won't go into detail here but yeah it's so him.

in general he's very inabakumori-coded imo but especially float play i mean just. i mean come on.

A pacifist till yesterday had dawned

and lost umbrella too. this specific remix i think adds kind of a chaoticness that suits last life bigb and his whole thing with cleo rlly well.

Leaving soon, pleading with you Right before the rain will soak me through They could still try to kill me while I have no view, and there’s nothing at all I can do Letting go never came, my hands stay dripping with rain Never gained a sense of things I had to face What I’d end up dropping someday

and lagtrain. cus it's lagtrain.

this is maybe getting a bit into unhinged headcanons territory but i really like associating Like a Dog with his relationship with Ren specifically (i mayhaps have Too Many thoughts about those two). I don't expect anyone else to see what I see but um yeah something about the passive aggression Bigb has towards him in Double Life, how they always end up together every season, something about how Ren will always drag Bigb into his murderous plans etc. etc.

deathly loneliness attacks tends to be either a bigb or a jimmy song depending on the day for me. specifically mercAU!bigb but i havent even drawn him yet so i cant rlly say anything.

that nameless kisaragi station song is another one i relate to my very obscure headcanons lmao but if you squint i think the clown to clown communication might get through a little bit?? 😭😭

something something the evo players having more awareness of the time loop than the others. plus his relationship with grian. idk if u see it u see it im not a cop.

I only wanted to go meet a friend tonight But it’s over now so good night

None can see me even if they try Where the hell am I? Doomed to never truly die I tried my best to keep you safe and sound But that wasn’t quite enough to stop it was it?

but yeah!! i hope at least one of these tickled ur brain??

i feel like with bigb there's like.. this distinct flavour of angst that's not quite edgy enough to be people allergy and not quite self-loathing enough to be nonsense speaker (although if your headcanons for him land more in that territory i highly recommend those songs).

there's like this specific flavour of dulled acceptance he has with his own shortcomings that i don't see talked about often. it's not like he doesn't care, he just goes with whatever happens to him like his opinion doesn't really matter and no one listens anyway so what's the point in trying to fight it. he's like the quiet middle child who doesn't 'cause trouble' so he gets overlooked as a result even if he's technically doing everything right lol

(and he's on the edge of snapping as a result. constantly. but he would never. like im gonna do something bad-- im gonna do something REALLY bad-- and then he never does)

and sometimes that ends in disaster (him and cleo) or bottled up resentment (him and ren) and other times it provides some much-needed stability (him and grian or pearl).

i think uh 'resigned' is a good word for it. yeah he's resigned to it all.

but yeah so uh i like bigb

[arcadia-writings]

"if you don't heal what hurt you, you'll bleed on people who didn't cut you," he says, as if that means anything to me. i wish it meant something. i wish i could take it as a lesson to be kind to myself, but i cant. as selfish as it is, i cant.

"then its their fault for standing so close. anybody who stands near a bleeding person is only wishing to bandage the wound and call it healed so they can feel better about themselves, unaware of the blood continuing to flow. if they get dirty, its on them for not doing a good enough job."

"is it them who approached, trying to fix you, or was it you who stood too close, expecting them to?"

"i dont expect anyone to fix me, i— i dont even need fixing in the first place," i say, because he's right. i could defend myself all i want, but it wouldnt change anything. he's right. i want someone to fix me, to bandage these wounds with the care of a parent, or maybe a lover, or just someone who cares. but they never even try. and then i bleed out and die on them and they have the gall to be appalled.

"that tiny, thin bandaid youve put on yourself doesn't hold anything. youve healed a paper cut, when the rest of you is covered in deep gashes. that's no way to live."

i stare at him, horrified that he's seen me. terrified that he knows— understands, even, from the way he talks about it like he's talking to a mirror. is he? am i a broken mirror, covered in cracks, that he looks into? or is it the other way? am i the one looking at a mirror world, where my reflection is spoon feeding me the truth of my existence because i cant figure it out myself?

maybe its both. maybe i have too many walls and need to be told i am falling apart, and he has spent so long being told the opposite that he needs to admit to himself— to me— that he is broken and we are both bleeding together, onto each other, because we refuse to heal.

thats no way to live, he says, as if he does not live in the same house.

"isnt it? its the only way for people like us to live. no amount of bandages or drugs or conversations will fix us. this lonely, torrid warehouse is all we can afford."

he looks back at me and i stare into his eyes and see my reflection staring back at me. a mirror and the mirrors in his face, accepting that the reflection is right. am i the reflection? or is he? or is this a two-way mirror, and we're just staring at each other, dumb with recognition?

"..a bandaid is better than nothing, i guess. might as well keep living."

and thats where it is— the lesson, the moral of the story of reflection, the point of this idiotic talk. we're going to keep living anyways, no matter if we bleed, if we're fixed, or we learn to heal on our own. no matter how cracked, the mirror has to do its job until every last shard is disposed of. we're not there yet. a bandaid to keep the glass from falling off the frame is better than losing the shard, even if the mirror is uglier by result.

i look into the mirror, at him, at myself, for one last time, and i accept it. ill keep living, if not for health then for the sake of living itself, because what else do i have? this is it. the bandaid will keep me going, for now. no matter if it bleeds through. ill keep living, anyways. its all i have.

[freshinthehearse]

I feel alone

 I feel like writing a longform post rather than just getting drunk and/or sad and saying sad things on the TL. 

I’m so fucking alone, I mean that, I don't really have companionship like other people have. I have friends that I care about and that love me, I love them too, but I feel like I cant form connections at all. Everyone will end up leaving me eventually so what's the point. Something that eats at me a lot is Julia leaving me, that was so hard for me, I hated it. I tried so hard to make things work and it fell apart in front of me. It was disheartening, humiliating and it showed me that I cant trust anyone to stay in my life. Even my own mother betrayed and left me. I just don't trust anyone anymore, I know that it sounds cringy  but its just better over all to expect people to disappoint you. Something that I think about a lot is the fact that in that relationship I had a lot of beautiful women vying for my attention but I turned them away because I thought I found someone that I could spend my life with. And in the end she ended up hurting me and then tried to act like my friend after the fact. I wish that I had never met her. But I never get my wishes anyways.

Another thing that really bothers me is the friends that I have, specifically with their relentless inability to talk to me for some reason. People like Jake, Mike, Alex. these people don't give a fuck about me at all. Sometimes I sit down and I think about the fact that not a single one of them reaches out to talk to me. Not one, every time we have talked I have had to do it. I get the same response every time. “ I’ve been so busy blah blah blah” I don't believe that shit especially with Michael. Here we are in summer and I still don't ever fucking talk to him. all he does is go to his boyfriends house and who knows what the fuck else because he never fucking talks to me. It is literally impossible for you to say that for months at times you cant text or call me. Something else that blows me away is that jake will only ever hit me up if he needs something. Let me think for a moment what was the last thing we did together, oh that's right, I helped you when your ex gf was being a antagonist. Lovely, great to see you again brother. And I didn't even bother mentioning Andrew because he never reaches out either even after I tried telling him that I wont be friends with him if he doesn't talk or reach out to me. He said okay texted me for about a week and then never hit me up again. 

Finally i had the lovely news dropped on my lap that there's good chance my dad will be laid off which means that I’m moving with him when he leaves the island so what little I have will be ripped from me and I will never have it again 

I keep trying and I don't want to kill myself but i just don't see anything getting any better. why should I be forced to live in a society that doesn't care for the people that live within it. Our government doesn't care and continues to let people starve and die or go homeless for the sake of profit. If you're lucky you live paycheck to paycheck until you retire with little savings and then die. I genuinely don't believe it to be moral to raise kids in the world we live in today but I wont tell people that because it makes me sound like a dick 

Alright I think I’m done now ill prob link this if I ever kill myself so people can get an idea of where my head is at 

[beef-fajitas]

die. i dont know what to say. i genuinely got tears in my eyes after seeing this. this is the sweetest most awesomest thing that anyone has ever done for me. wtf. im gonna be thinking about this for. a long time.

[JKLDSJFKLDSJFDLSK BRICK THE PLOT TWIST AT THE END HEHEHEHHE] I LOVE MY PLOT TWISTS!

[THE NICKNAMES THEY CALL EACH OTHER STANDS OUT IN A WAY ITS SO SWEET] WAIT RLLY?? I WAS LWKY INSECURE ABT IT- I THOUGHT IT STOOD OUT IN A BAD WAY.

[your so good at parallels YOU DONT EVEN REALIZE IT SOMETIMES LOL U REMEMBERED JAY SAYING THAT IN S4 REALLY SMART ( CLICKS TONGUE )] IM GIGGLING HELPPPP ITS LITERALLY ONE OF MY FAVORITE VOICELINES INA LL OF NINJAGO I COULD NEVER FORGET IT NOT IN A MILLION YEARS. THANK YOU SO MUCH 😭😭

[THE DETAILS WERE GOOD gooo with the flow of the story wasn't hard not expecting any less ofc :] ] im always so nervous abt the flow of the story whenever i write. hearing this. augh.

[HHSDHFSDKF THE HAND PLACEMENTS?? COLE UNINTENTIONALLY SAYING SOMETHING WITHOUT MEANING TOO IS SO IN CHARECTER LMAO SUCH A MAN] HAND PLACEMENTS MY BELOVED <333 IMO COLE GETS SO EXCITED ABT KAI HE SOMETIMES FORGETS THAT HIS WORDS ACTUALLY HAVE MEANING.

[i didnt expect the tension that came but i absolutely ate it up. ATE.] wait there was tension..? /genq im being so fr here, a lot of the time im not even aware of what im writing, it just kinda ~appears~ on the page and i just edit it to fit the general story.

[HFDSKLDS THE MISUNDERSTANDING EATING EVEN MORE] I HATE THE MISUNDERSTANDING TROPE BUT ITS A GOOD PLOT DRIVER ☹️

["deciding to give him a chance" that means alloooooot. SDFJKDLSFJKDSL] listen. if i have the misunderstanding, you just KNOW i gotta have communication. im not willing to let it go further than a couple minutes of confusion. i just cant. they gotta talk it out.

[AND THEN COLE BEING HONEST WAS JUST AWESOME. LIKE THE THINGS COLE SAID. UNDERSTOOD THE ASSIGNMENT. IT WAS WRITTEN ACCURATELY FOR THE STORY OF THE BFS..... NOT TO MENTION KAI CRYING??] like i was saying earlier, sometimes he forgets his words have meaning. but when he realizes? oh god. prepare to cry your eyes out. aND KAI DID LMFAO. (so what if its a little bit of projection... kai cries, okay?) but im really glad to hear it was accurate :3

[its so realistic and yaoi at the same time.] i need it to be both. it needs to be realistic enough where i feel like im actually writing something, and yaoi enough to feed the fandom monster in me. glad to hear it worked out in my favor!

["I love you so damn much" YOUR DONE. GET OUTTA HERE] SHUT THE HELL UPPPPP UR SO SWEET I CANTTT

[smiling reading them hug they deserve it /srs] if it were up to me, all the ninja would hug all the time. they all deserve (and need) it so much more than they admit. /srs (maybe... just maybe... i may... write a fic about it... not anytime soon ofc, i need to finish the one im on rn and then im gonna collab w someone for another kai fic, but maybe after all of that..? 🤫🧏‍♂️)

[THE "YOU ASSHOLE" GOT ME LMAOOOO THE PLOT TWIST WE DIDNT KNOW BUT NEEDED] THANK YOU, THANK YOU *TAKES A BOW* ILL BE HERE ALL NIGHT !! (ill be here all night in yaoi hell because god fucking dammit i need to finish my kai birthday fic thats actually lava)

[the making out at the end sigh typical yaoi couple :// /aff] typical yaoi couple 🙄🙄 (as if i didnt make them kiss.. i feel like a kid smashing my two toys faces together if that makes sense)

[WHOOPS I DIDNT MEAN TO MAKE IT THIS LONG ( HALF SERIOUS ) i enjoyed it btw.] THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MAKING THIS SO LONG!!!! GENUINELY HAD A BLUSH ON MY FACE THE ENTIRE TIME ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY. ILYSM DIE <3 /P I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW MUCH THIS MEANS TO ME. I WANT TO DO SOMETHING FOR YOU IN RETURN BUT IDK WHAT

@beef-fajitas promoting this and commenting about it. so normally. first of all lava shippers read this fiction if you want some precious cole and kai time...

JKLDSJFKLDSJFDLSK BRICK THE PLOT TWIST AT THE END HEHEHEHHE THE NICKNAMES THEY CALL EACH OTHER STANDS OUT IN A WAY ITS SO SWEET your so good at parallels YOU DONT EVEN REALIZE IT SOMETIMES LOL U REMEMBERED JAY SAYING THAT IN S4 REALLY SMART ( CLICKS TONGUE ) THE DETAILS WERE GOOD gooo with the flow of the story wasn't hard not expecting any less ofc :] HHSDHFSDKF THE HAND PLACEMENTS?? COLE UNINTENTIONALLY SAYING SOMETHING WITHOUT MEANING TOO IS SO IN CHARECTER LMAO SUCH A MAN i didnt expect the tension that came but i absolutely ate it up. ATE. HFDSKLDS THE MISUNDERSTANDING EATING EVEN MORE "deciding to give him a chance" that means alloooooot. SDFJKDLSFJKDSL AND THEN COLE BEING HONEST WAS JUST AWESOME. LIKE THE THINGS COLE SAID. UNDERSTOOD THE ASSIGNMENT. IT WAS WRITTEN ACCURATELY FOR THE STORY OF THE BFS..... NOT TO MENTION KAI CRYING?? its so realistic and yaoi at the same time. "I love you so damn much" YOUR DONE. GET OUTTA HERE smiling reading them hug they deserve it /srs THE "YOU ASSHOLE" GOT ME LMAOOOO THE PLOT TWIST WE DIDNT KNOW BUT NEEDED the making out at the end sigh typical yaoi couple :// /aff WHOOPS I DIDNT MEAN TO MAKE IT THIS LONG ( HALF SERIOUS ) i enjoyed it btw.