#i mean i could be wrong but i dont think i am lol
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i feel like i type so much more than is reasonable when i do talk to people but i also don't get to socialize a ton so i just have soooo many words in me and if i'm like, tired or short on time, it is so much harder to restrain to the already-pushing-it point i can sometimes manage ;-;
#txt#i am used to posting long things that are essentially a conversation with myself because i either don't#want to bother others with certain topics or i just am used to anything i have to say really being... worth saying...#so i will sometimes go back and add more tags because i'm still thinking about it after the fact and the gap in time where someone#would have said something to prompt further thought is just. me continuing it with myself. bc i'm still thinking about it.#and then that translates into how i talk to other people where i sometimes feel like i either have too much to say without only#keeping what's of utmost relevant importance#(which is also due to me knowing if i don't say it Right Now Immediately i will forget if it does become relevant again)#so i am expecting people to read too much#and/or i then am not... listening to people? or i come off like im not listening to people?#even though i rly do try to be attentive i just forget sometimes to leave space for other people to talk because i am#used to only talking to myself so much lmaoo so i think i come off like i only want to Talk At people due to how Much i share#and sometimes i probably am not as attentive in convos as i would like to be but i try to be! i just dont know if the balance is there#but i also don't rly know how to be more concise bc of that mix of not wanting to forget and also not wanting to be misunderstood#and being so excited to get contribute etc#anyway there are also a lot of social things i HAVE been neglecting by accident i am so sorry if youve sent me an ask etc#and you've gotten silence i am getting to things slowly ;-;#i just mean moreover in active conversations the way that i act is like. i always worry i am doing something wrong all the time forever#and maybe i would worry less if i could put more of my thought dump energy into observing others more attentively#to get a better read on things lol#me coming back to this post as an example bc i had another thought:#i also type rly fast and my brain goes rly fast so while i do clean up what i say typically#others might find it more convenient to be more concise due to typing slower#whereas i don't think before i type i just type as i think one to one#i lose thoughts otherwise but Thinking Before I Speak is a lost art to me rip#but then if i am talking to people irl or on voice i am so much more reserved. i ramble a lot!!#but it's easier for me to fall back
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and next up, unfortunately, the horrors
#the horrors being winter + mental illness#maybe just getting over some complexes created by the previous years#but it sucks#its hard#i hear criticism and rear up like an animal in a cage#im acting like my dad ����😭😭#and sometimes its not wven criticism but just an accurate view of MEEE#and it sounds slightly bad in tone when they say it so i end up full of offense#ugh#why am i so sensitive#is my skin really so thin#can someone shake my insecurities off of me#i just dont know how to. articulate myself well#and unfortunately i am seen by others and that means they have opinions and thoughts#and theyre not even wrong! so like. why am i upset#i wish i could talk to someone#and i can! but i dont! for some reason?#am i waiting to be given an okay?#i Do have a thing en where im worrying im talking too much and asking too much#so yeah. i probably am.#which sucks! bc no one can read my mind to give it to me!#its been so hard to feel like a person again#and im still doing it wrong I think!!! otherwise this wouldnt be happening!!!#not to have mid winter suicidal ideation but#these problems feel too hard to solve and i dont think im getting it#i wish i didnt have to deal with any of this at all and i mean none of it#i wish nobody cared about me and i wasnt here#id miss river tho so :/ nevermind lol
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y does it feel so SO wrong 2 share ur opinion???
#oh u solved the problem#urself!#like its not even about bing right or wrong its just about literally communicating & i think im doing it BAD#IM NOT AFRAID OF BING “H8ED” ON I JUST#i think i just dont like having the chance of making ppl feel bad?#or soemthing aloong those lines?#theres a line a vry easy line 2 cross#like expressing a comic book opinion right? bc its super easy 2 sway a bunch of ppl#but if ur saying smth u dont like it while some1 does it has the possibility of making that person feel bad#& I H8 THAT...idk y it makes me feel like shit????? @ the possibility???#this feels like smth i should bring up w/a therapist LMAOOOOOOO#but like same thing when i was in class right? giving a presentation i got RLLY SCARED 2 do it bc i was giving an opinion or a fact BUT I#COULD B WRONG ON THE FACT!! which is y i just never did them bc i would cry lol but its just#it kinda feels the same way#its weird bc im fine w/getting shit wrong. its only when i share an opinion when i feel stupid??????? ok not stupid just mean? i think? yea#this is possibly the reason y i get nervous sharing hcs or aus. bc it wont b ��canon accurate” & then will like fuck up some1s perception id#its not like any1 reads this lashfkj i just hmmmmmmm theres defiantly smth i should b discovering here i just am not...#i want 2 share my opinion bc its a fucking opinion theres nothing wrong w/it bc its not a fact EXCEPT in the way its a fact of how i FEEL o#THINK?? like its just its strange. i think this has a lot 2 do w/me never bing listened 2 as a child LOL uhhhhhhhh hmmmmmm yeah prolly akj#I FIGURED IT OUT I GOT IT ALLLLLL UNLOCKED#god i hhhhhhhhhhh some1 make a clone of me so i can talk 2 me like a therapist or smth#this is y i cant do therapy actualyl its bc i just keep yapping then by the time im done the therapist always went tyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy#srry ramblings
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i'm not sure if i really want more online friends outside of the people already inside my circle atp honestly because tldr; Discourse
#mine#shoot your shot by all means but like...#Everyone scawyyyyyyyy even in the circle of ppl who pretend to not care about 'ship discourse'#they say Psh its so stupid I Have a Job lol!!! and then 2 secs later full death threats for people into feral art. like#i feel like if i went Out of my way to make online friends i'd have to like#quadruple check that they dont think i deserve to explode for one of my opinions#whereas for offline people There is at least a MUCH larger chance of 'i disagree but i still like you so w/e'#Enough TALKING about 'people who touch grass' and circlejerks about who 'acts normal about stuff'.#I Am going to go outside and discover the 'normal' for myself#funnily enough this is why im not moving to seattle LOL i feel like id find myself with the exact crowd of people im scared of#online over there; at least within like; queer stuff#if i make a loli joke in seattle ill get jumped <-THIS IS A JOKE! DISCLAIMER: COMEDY#i could talk on here a lot more than i do but even still; every post i make feels Dangerous XD#like if i word something wrong i Will get my balls exploded even if consciously i know i have like. ten followers now.#bleh. this is just super not a place to make friends and i dont know where i could find entirely new ppl online#with the level of chill i desire SO
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i fr need some sort of (probably queer) friend into world of warcraft so that the person i directly talk to about it isnt my brother. cause on my life his opinions suck and his gameplay kills me a little inside
#my post#world of warcraft#my brother is obsessed with basically just running dungeons and raids and the fighting parts of the game#so much so that everytime he sees my screen he wont shut the fuck up about me changing everything#about my characters specializations and my action bars and blah blah and its like#holy fuck man take a hint. i dont want to change anything because im doing just fine how i am thanks#also he just calls everything trash except for like. death knights and demon hunters. which is such a cold take like#thats the one thing that ive seen everyone loves is those 2 things lol#i love the exploration and the worldbuilding and the cool looking races and just. augh#i mean he even told me the other day something about like. scouting maps that just uncover all the maps for me and its like#wheres the fun in that. i mean i think he was talking about if i ever got around to classic but consider: WHERES THE FUN IN THAT#dude the ENTIRE reason i want to play classic is to see how drastically different that the map is before cataclysm. entirely the exploration#ive talked a lot i just have so many thoughts and my brother is a professional irritater to say the least.#btw theres nothing wrong with liking to run the dungeons and raids like theyre a major part of the game for a reason#but thats ALL he does and he acts like its the only acceptable way to play the game. he cant stand how i play the game at all#even earlier he was asking why one of my level 70s that i was playing on was still 70#since i have the new expansion and could easily level her to 80. my answer? i was doing whatever i wanted (collecting hunter pets)#(he didnt need to know the pets part)
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I have a lot of mixed feelings about MatPat.
On the one hand, he definitely has a streak of bigotry. The pyro episode really comes to mind on that one, and his refusal to they/them Kris was also not cool, and there have been a lot of other examples here and there.
But he has been getting better. One of his Livestream hosts uses they/them from what I can tell, and I haven't heard any word that he's misgendered them anywhere.
But also, his theories have just been getting lower and lower quality as his channels kinda turned into something one step below a content farm. His Digital Circus theory, for example, he came up with ON GTLive and then just cleaned it up for the episode.
But he was also hosting all four channels. Each channel will have its own host now.
He made a lot of mistakes, but so does everyone.
Am I defending him? I dont know. Do I forgive him? No. Do I honestly care? ...I don't know.
I'm glad he's stepping away. But I'm also gonna miss him.
Like he said in the goodbye video, he was a lot of peoples childhoods. Mine was one of them. He's definitely not the best person nor was he the best influence, but he did help me realize that being a nerd and being passionate are good things. And his passion helped me want to create.
I'm glad he's leaving, but it also feels like my childhood is going with him. One last step towards that all-encompassing 21 in a few months from now.
I'll miss you, Mat. I hope you can continue to grow as a person and support others more in the future. Teach your son what the world failed to teach you when you were younger.
Also read the tags, please, okay Tumblr? Thanks.
#im scared to post this. i know people on here dont like him and i 100% understand why#but i also fear that people assume he can't grow#i may be wrong as ive been staying away from matpat drama but from what ive seen?#mat makes mistakes. then he listens to people when they tell him he fucked up. and he tries to do better.#people forget that hes a person sometimes.#and like i said i could be wrong. there might be evidence out there that hes an evangelical or something#but i havent seen it. i do know about the homophobia and transphobia from the past#but i also know hes apologized and that stuff hasnt really resurfaced#i want him to do better and continue to grow away from the internet#but if im wrong then im wrong.#just please dont harass me for this post okay?#if hes worse than i think he is you can tell me but please dont be mean about it#ive had enough people yelling at me.over this shit recently.#mat if youre SOMEHOW reading this? thanks. your stuff helped me watch to enrich my stories more#give people something to hunt for#you aided my passion#and i wouldnt be who i am today without you man.#so please. keep growing. keep doing better. and i guess i'll see ya when i see ya.#dimond speaks#not maintagging this cuz i dont wanna get killed lol
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how do you know if ur masking or not. or if you just dont come off as Different enough and your normal state is compatible enough with stupid social rules once you learn to understand Why theyre done so u do them and have no issue except exhaustion from interaction
#i Feel normal enough it comes natural to me now#augghh#maybe i am autistic but i just having a hard time accepting it because i cope so well. no one irl would ever beleive me lol#like if im not sure i am its very hard for me to come to terms because i dont want to be wrong#i dont think accepting im autistic would even help me at all it wouldnt mean anything different or that i Could get help#it wouldnt change anything for me#i cope anyway . there wouldnt be anything else i can do with that information about myself
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Oh also I've figured out why I jive w calling myself a neckbeard so much n I think its bcos of the reclamation of it all. Like 'neckbeards' r mocked and belittled as unmanly, repulsive, and perverted, and while I certainly understand the archetype and the reason why the men it targets (violent gamergaters and so on) need to be scrutinised, I keep getting hung up on the fact that they are near unanimously represented by an image of a fat man with a neckbeard and struggling hygiene. Many of the traits that I see in my myself are used as visual shorthand for bigotry, and are used to inspire disgust in those watching. The reality of the matter is that men of all appearances are guilty of perpetuating bigotry, harassment, and violence, and by pinning our imagery on those we deem ugly, we only reinforce older ideas of what a man should and should not be (ugly, fat, nerdy). Even in liberal spaces, this imagery is proliferated near and far (cough cough ironic soyjak), and whenever I see it, it is a reminder that in a lot of people's views, appearance does reflect morality. I will defend neckbeards to the grave, certainly not because of their politics or character, but because I hate to see people falling into the same traps of appearance-based evil which can be used to draw a line to bigotry.
Like, I'm a fat slob of a girlboy, and my beard hasn't yet graduated to my cheeks, but still I adore it. Despite my adoration of it, however, when I look long and hard at myself in the mirror, I see soyjak and people making fun of the amish for not shaving and every stereotype of the gross fat nerd. My facial hair will one day be more typically attractive, and I'll have that coveted gentleman-lady appeal, but until then, it sets me apart even in genderfuck spaces when I see people laughing at Emperor Nero not for his atrocities but for his chinstrap.
I don't know where I'm going for this. Fuck it, I am dirty and gross and perverted, and the fuck are you going to to about it? When I buy an oppai mousepad, it'll be a lesbian win operating on so many levels of subverted norms that it'll make someone's brain explode and it'll make me very happy.
#some clarifying notes:#i am also hot as hell. dont get this wrong. i may be gross but im also smokin hot#i do not support 'neckbeard ideals' or whatever the fuck. i just think it would be funny to have sexy anime girl mousepad#this does ambiguously mean that my transition goal is 'redditor'. none of u can stop me#i did not reread this before posting and i made it over the course of 20 minutes so god knows whether its legible#also for my own ease of mind this was partially prompted by a comic i saw w like Diverse Podcast Designs#where the gag was that the worst thing in the world that could have happened to the fat character was him getting a neckbeard#so i just sat there like lol um everyone who puts this on my dash instablock!#anyway i should probably study for my latin test
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Hi Mark! I just wanted to say that I hope you're still doing okay and taking care of yourself, and I hope you know how appreciated you are! <3 You're one of (if not the top) nicest people in the fandom, you're like the only person who consistently leaves nice tags on my art haha, so I just wanted to make sure you knew your kindness doesn't go unnoticed! (I know you're probably taking a mental health break or something right now so you can delete this if you want instead of replying, of course! I just wanted to give back some positivity for my favourite positivity goblin! <3)
Don't worry hun, I didn't get any of that impression from your first ask, lmao. I was indeed taking a bit of a break, as I had been hit with one of them unpredictable waves of crippling depression for a few weeks lol, but I am feeling better now! And I do have tons of cool art I need to queue up, that's for sure, WHY DOES EVERYBODY DRAW VILLAINOUS CHARACTERS SO GOOD, TEACH ME YOUR SECRETS
#THE ARTISTS IN THIS FANDOM ARE SO DAMN TALENTED I HOPE THEY KNOW THAT#OP#villainous#I feel like I dont really have much right to say “dont worry when I vanish for a little while” all things considered lmao#But yea I tend to turn off the internet sometimes when my emotions are on the fritz so thats generally the reason if I disconnect for a bit#So please try not to get worried or anything I promise I'll try not to drop off the face of the earth for multiple years again 😅#Like I appreciate the concern but I worry sometimes that Im gonna stress anons out every time I lay a little low lol#I mean perhaps its the same anon most of the time but I feel like Ive gotten a few similar asks in any case so like#For future reference#I could just be having deja vu though idk Im very scatterbrained#Point is. Dont worry Im good lmao#And see I totally understand what you mean about worrying the wrong impression may come across because here I am thinking that#I sound ungrateful asf by saying all this#But I really just dont want you to fret lmao
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What's yuri's personality then? Being gay?
About Minho, being mean and making mean two liners towards Kitty every in between?
ma'am this is a McDonalds drive thru
#ASDFGHFD I make like 2 posts about a random show I watched at 2 am and I get haters damn 😎#I normally delete the hate asks but this was too funny not to respond to#The fact they think Yuri's personality equates her sexuality when queen went through a whole arc of facing her parents#while struggling to be happy when she couldn't love and show who she truly was because of all the constructs placed on her#all while finding out she has a brother she didn't even know about while having her first real friends in Dae and Kitty#I think we didn't watch the same show like dont get me wrong its not my favorite show or anything close but if your takeway from Yuri's#personality is that she likes girls and that's it then your honor I have something to tell you#and about Minho his personality wasn't also only one liners lol he was just naturally kinda funny and that's part of his personality but hi#plot line also revolves around learning how to be more authentic and the way he seeks validation from others sometimes#bc of the absence of his parents who he loves regardless and humor is coping anyways Chile I could write an essay but I am too tired for th#stay pressed anon!! Yuri and Minho Stans stay winning xoxo#i dont even want to fight anyone it just irked me the way this person phrased the ask and if you meant no harm then I didn't either but#saying that Yuri's personality is only being gay and Minho being mean is kind of a weird champ take sorry#anyways probably last thing ill say about this show this is why I stay in my anime corner life shows bring these kind of asks#xo kitty#anon#ask
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#tw ed#saw a picture of myself from when i was *checks notes* at my fucking worst with my ED but that meant i was also Thinner.#i really should Go Back huh. maybe if i did i wouldnt feel. Like This.#it'd prolly mean id start losing my hair again which. not a big fan. BUT.#if i was really dedicated i could also lose my period which. huge fan. that was one of the best things that ever happened to me tbh#i could have it all back. maybe i could even get farther than the last time. all it would take is uhh feeling utterly fucking miserable#having no energy for the most basic stuff let alone singing and thinking about nothing and i mean NOTHING but calories 24/7.#but hey. maybe i could like. lose 5 kg for my troubles and then gain back twice as much when i decide again that i just Cant Live Like This#totally worth it huh#anyway. i miss hating my body A Little Less and people being Nicer to me and everyone telling me how good of a job im doing#and encouraging me to keep going. and i miss the sense of Accomplishment and the Pride and the Not Feeling Disgusting#or at least Making Up For It by just. not eating lol#cause like its not like im actually much better mentally am i lmao clearly im not. only now im both miserable AND fat.#obviously ill never be s/kinny let alone as s/kinny as my friends. ill still look like a glitch in the system and a mistake next to them.#but if i have to be miserable anyway i could at least be. less f/at about it right. maybe then ill be worth something <3#...and other delusions you keep cultivating because there's something deeply and inherently wrong with you#my new bestseller coming soon to your nearest bookshop dont miss it its only $free.99!
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Tierlist made by @intrulogical
#OKAY i did one ajdhf#i am a sheep. anyway#hot take dark sides and light sides is dumb and the fandom gives it way too much weight <3#its just some dumb shit roman made up on the spot dont listen to him lol /aff#also dont kill me but. ive never liked combine creativity stuff#i think its dumb i dont think there was a split. ''king c''s are just an excuse for fun character design#and ive only ever seen ''pat and jan split them'' as an excuse to villainize one or the other of the two#also like. cmon. pat should be the youngest side if any of them are any older/younger than others.#what age were you when you first truly grasped the concept of right and wrong?? older then when you started colorin and being scared of shit#i also hate all the orange side nonsense. i dont like the new twist with orange logan in canon and i doubt i ever will#logan overworking himself was a hard one. i love to make him do it in aus but in cannon he just doesnt really seem like the type?? not to th#the extent fanon means it anyway#and i dont care if its not canon VRJ deserve to be friends#as a treat (for me) <3#@ me if you disagree or want me to explain smthn#or think you could change my mind. im willing to learn to Enjoy Things lmao
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why does everything. Everything depend on my relations with people?
#genuine question l#and im tired of asking this again and again#lol am i ever gonna be MY OWN person#subhi rant#there's nothing to lol im sorry I'll never lol again when talking abt such things ugh#swear nothing's wrong#i was just making a playlist for MYSELF#about how I FEEL on my own but all the songs suggested on here are breakup songs and#like i cant even think of songs to add that i listen that are about feelings different from heartbreaks other ppl cause#which means that i dont listen to such songs.#which means. yeah#my Everything depends on how i treat ppl and how they treat me#sucks#i get that this is not unique to me but like#i wish there was something i could call my own#even my feelings arent mine#ouch.#i wish i had that lil bit of ambition i see in my classmates#it would solve 99% of problems fr#bc then I'll focus on ME#STOPSYOP goodnight
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cloudback whale.....
#yapping#tpia#i yap better in tags- WATCH OUT. I WARNED YOU.#this episode was interesting. i dont think(?) theres been an ep until this one where the character learning the lesson struggles to#accept that fact and admits it out loud#poppy in denial LOL. 'and act like the whole thing never happened!' is such a BIG red flag lmao#she means well. we know that. but i guess we can digress that she struggles to accept that the whale wasnt 'moved' by her apology and#she took that as a personal failing????? ... this feels like twt all over again (sayin this in a good way)#poppys biggest flaw and biggest strength is that she cares too much to let some stuff go. and that either pays off well or bites her in the#ass. despite the latter happening lots of times and oftentimes happening in like. major actual consequences. she STILL struggles to accept#anyone else trying to convince her that shes going about something wrong#the show kinda implying by the end of the ep that she still thinks she could have gone about it her way.... it actually checks out w#what happened in bygone bergen too. ooh that was fun to realize lol. prolly reasoning it out to her circumstances and that she#didnt try hard enough - being threatened w being eaten along w her friends and the storm and all that. blah blah blah#last note to this messy ramble in tags: poppy saying i dont care... heh. that tickles me.#last LAST note: am /EYE/ reaching or does it feel like theyre gonna address this about her again in a future ep#god i dont want it to end im having sm fun w this show :[#.... i am enjoying a cartoon for kids too much again. THE WATER IS ANKLE DEEP. BUT IM SPLASHING AND HAVING FUN
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this post abt like. disliking accents is bad because they are probably a minority/rural/poor/etc really only applies to english speakers i think
there is a certain part of the country here that has like. THE Worst Heavy Accent ever and a lot of people don't even speak the common version of the language so you are sitting here like. what are u talking abt
and these people are NOT a racial minority by any means, nor are they exclusively rural, or colonized. what they are however is weirdly entitled
#jamday#i mean dont get me wrong any accent is valid#we have a lot of people comin in here from out of country and#i would never make fun of THEIR accents. god knows my english#is so accented as is my spanish lol#also just to make sure everyone knows this:#if you DO have an accent from the area i am not gonna judge you as a person bc i am not a jerk#ive a friend from a diff part of the country who regularly makes fun of the typical slang here#it is just a mix of this being a heavy accent and the area being. well#the white people there sure are weird#not sure if getting so drunk you dont remember what you did for a week straight once a year is like. something to be proud of#also im mad bc that is like The thing people think of when my country comes up lol so like#at least they could be a little more normal?
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I've been passively watching an isat playthrough while twiddling my thumbs in my current oni save as I wait for my new power systems to be done and hey guys. I think one of these bitches is aromantic. Why did no one tell me one of these bitches is aromantic I would have played the game myself if I knew that
#rat rambles#ok tbf I still theoretically Could but I dont think Id survive playing through the like first 6 hours of the stuff Ive already seen#anyways current review is that it's rly well written so far and I like how well the worldbuilding is implemented naturally in the dialogue#having odile be a presumably anthropologist or smth along those lines does wonders for this ofc but even with that its amazing how#natural the party feels when discussing their different cultures#and ofc I am staring at mirabelle hard. this game is clearly not shying away in the slightest from queer topics so. blinks oh so sweetly#I am sooooo fucking desperate for canonically aro characters who are actually written to be aro if she talks abt it at all I Will cry#honestly real con of this is that its making me conceptualize an eternal gales au which is not what I should be thinking abt this early#also its a problem because Im pretty dead set on the idea that aris would be sif and that means tali is off limits#which is unfortunate because I think itd be funny to make her mirabelle on the sole basis of her maybe being aro#otherwise the assignments are pretty easy even if some of them would be looser fits than others based on my current knowledge#mase would be odile fydd would be bonnie and sier would be iz#for mira Im thinking if I wanted to get funky with it then maybe bloom? it doesnt effect sier too much since I can just make it so his mom#was the one frozen in time or smth#now bloom is rly only in the running because of the leftover human kids shes somehow the best choice despite being 9 years old lol#dodie is off the table since I try to practice restraint when using dodie in aus#and the snake triplets are well. the snake triplets.#they have about a billion things that makes them hard to fit into any au#now I could use a stalien instead but thats a Really hard choice for me to make given the rest of the selected cast#plus none of them actually fit that much better than bloom would tbh?#like to be clear basically the only thing keeping bloom from being an easy pick is that shes 9#like I could just do it anyways but I should probably wait a lil bit to make sure mira doesnt pull out some crazy shit to change my mind#based on what I do know the only one thats rly a bit of a stretch is sier but Im ok with that I can just slap a different character arc in#rly most fucked up thing abt this cast is that aris our sif is second tallest#which feels deeply wrong to me especially once you consider the hat#her siouette is going to be all fucked up and different from sif's shes going to be so big compared to them#shes not even That tall shes like 5'8 thats just tall compared to most of her companions#in canon shes the third tallest of the friend group and second tallest not counting dodie#so its mase then her and in this hypothetical au the rest of the garden gnome squad#sier is 5'1 fydd is 5 flat and bloom is 4'9 if Im remembering correctly
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