#id miss river tho so :/ nevermind lol
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and next up, unfortunately, the horrors
#the horrors being winter + mental illness#maybe just getting over some complexes created by the previous years#but it sucks#its hard#i hear criticism and rear up like an animal in a cage#im acting like my dad 😭😭😭#and sometimes its not wven criticism but just an accurate view of MEEE#and it sounds slightly bad in tone when they say it so i end up full of offense#ugh#why am i so sensitive#is my skin really so thin#can someone shake my insecurities off of me#i just dont know how to. articulate myself well#and unfortunately i am seen by others and that means they have opinions and thoughts#and theyre not even wrong! so like. why am i upset#i wish i could talk to someone#and i can! but i dont! for some reason?#am i waiting to be given an okay?#i Do have a thing en where im worrying im talking too much and asking too much#so yeah. i probably am.#which sucks! bc no one can read my mind to give it to me!#its been so hard to feel like a person again#and im still doing it wrong I think!!! otherwise this wouldnt be happening!!!#not to have mid winter suicidal ideation but#these problems feel too hard to solve and i dont think im getting it#i wish i didnt have to deal with any of this at all and i mean none of it#i wish nobody cared about me and i wasnt here#id miss river tho so :/ nevermind lol
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