#online over there; at least within like; queer stuff | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bfwonho · 2 months ago

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AITA but i dont wanna use reddit

ok you know what here is the situation. my (only recently) 20 yr old friend (i met them four years ago when we both worked at mcd) lived with their strict, emotionally abusive, overprotective parents until recently. their parents would confiscate tech for yrs at a time, wouldn't let them get vaccinated (i had to help them do that), guilt and shame them, etc. also obviously homophobic and my friend is transfem nb and queer. theyre also the eldest sibling of quite a few and had to handle the pressure of that responsibility and their parents never wanted them to do normal things like getting a car and moving out. i was always there encouraging them even when we stopped working together bc i was like fuck this naive gullible homeschooled kid has no one and they remind me of my younger sibling and im gonna be there for them as much as i can. the only reason they even got a car eventually is cus i kept telling them to so they cld move out

cut back to barely a year ago, they're still so naive and gullible they've lent like 1k+ to ppl who won't pay them back, but they still have like 10-20k in savings and now their own car. they also get into digital art with my help and get into furry porn or whatever. im like ok i guess ur an adult now do what u want. and then theyre like "ive got an online partner from CANADA!!! (we r australian) don't freak out i know it's bad but he's 30." i'm like oh god. they've been together 3 months ish and my friend RLY wants to visit their fuckass boyfriend and i'm like please be careful, please wait at least a year, i know u wont wanna listen to how i rly feel about this but at least just take these precautions. i'm also like when you do meet irl he should come here ur barely 19 and he's 30 like it only makes sense. and theyre like "thank u i promise i will do that"

and then maybe 10 or 11 months into their relationship i find out my friend is in canada with their bf, and has been for like a month, and i only know this bc they're asking if i can pick them up from sydney airport. im like errr that's pretty far away but take the train and i'll pick you up from the station and they're like ok sure! and i ask a bit more about it and find out they believe their parents have been hacking into their laptop because why else would they be suspicious that this canadian guy is their boyfriend, i'm like actually no offense but it's really fucking obvious i don't think they did that... and they're like "yeah anyway my parents are no longer picking me up which is why i need a lift, i admitted i have a boyfriend and they're calling him a pedo (and i almost agree but i just smile and nod) and so i'm not going back and taking their bs anymore, i'm gonna sleep in my car if i have to" so i offer for them to stay at my place for a few weeks.

they go get their stuff from their place, i buy them a pizza cus they havent had dinner, i help them get their stuff inside, set up a temporary bed. they tell me they plan to be out within a few days, i tell them they can stay longer if they need to, but currently their only job is doordash and they should focus on getting a real job so they can find a place and i'm more than happy to help them find somewhere. theyre the type of person to say sorry for everything and not let themselves ever feel comfortable, so i make sure they know they can use the kitchen and bathroom and everything while they're here and to not feel like a huge burden, im gonna be charging them a tiny bit of rent anyway so yeah.

now tell me why it's been over a month, they've applied to only a few places, i specifically put in a good word with them at my job and told them to call back and ask about the application and they just haven't, they've just been doordashing and filling my entire fridge and cupboard with their food, i tell them to use the laundromat cus we don't have enough space for their washing too and they end up asking if they can use our washing machine anyway (i reluctantly say yes), they destroy all my kitchen sponges on washing this one shitty pan i have cus they have to cook an entire grand meal from scratch for breakfast lunch and dinner, they wash up but i'm the only person who cleans the floors and the bathroom so now i'm feeling cramped and stressed out...

i ask my mum about what to do, she says give them 2 weeks to move out, my mum is a guarantor on my lease so in the group chat i explain the situation and say they have 2 weeks, they NEVER RESPOND and start not coming home until late at night... i'm considering moving into another place with a friend atp so i'm like yo maybe you can get on this lease and THEN they respond and start showing up again... and today i called and updated mum on the situation and her partner got on the phone, me and my sibling only got this place cus he apparently called in a favour cus we were rly struggling to find any fucking housing, and so he says "tell him i mean THEMMM if theyre not out tomorrow i will forcibly remove them" and so my sibling makes sure to tell them this face to face so they cant avoid actually responding. i also find out today that this whole time they've been flat broke (to the point they had to borrow my money just to get petrol despite doordashing like 40 hours a week) because they HAVE BEEN HELPING. PAY. THEIR GROWN ASS. SHITTY FUCKING USELESS. PARTNERS. RENT. THIS GROWN ASS MAN NOT ONLY HAD THEM PAY TO GO SEE HIM AND SUCK HIM OFF AND COOK FOR HIM. NOT ONLY WAS LETTING THEM GO BACK TO AUSTRALIA AND JUST BE HOMELESS. BUT HE IS ACTIVELY TAKING THEIR FUCKING MONEY. despite all of this i am deep down INCREDIBLY GLAD that my mum's partner put his foot down to get them out of my house and i feel guilty about it despite risking eviction cus im breaking my lease agreement by having them here loooll

tldr my 20 yr old friend has been living in my house illegally for over a month bc they refuse to go back to their shitty parents, they are however broke and don't have a stable job and their 30 yr old boyfriend is leeching off of them, and now i'm essentially kicking them out of my place within 2 days because my own housing security is at risk

#if anyone actually reads this... damn

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mywingsareonwheels · 1 year ago

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Some hopefully reassuring observations on fandom and human beings

1. Sometimes (more of the time than not) when two fans of something disagree sharply on their interpretation of a character or event in the story, neither of them is actually wrong. Especially if the source material is any good and thus complex and open to more than one way of looking at things. The more simplistic an interpretation the less astute and wise it’s likely to be, but that doesn’t mean that even someone who holds an opinion like that has missed everything important about it! When portrayals of a character in fanfic vary wildly that’s... actually probably a feature, rather than a bug. (Even if it is occasionally saddening to be halfway through a fic and suddenly realise that this excellent writer hates your favourite character/adore your least favourite! ;-) Such is life, doesn’t mean anyone’s doing anything wrong.)

2. It is totally reasonable to unfollow or even block an entirely lovely strange or near-stranger on tumblr/refrain from reading their fics because their interpretation of the story or a character is so different from yours that it’s just stressful to read their takes. But if it’s someone you already know and like, especially a real-life or close-online friend, it’s really *really* not worth falling out about that.

3. Relatedly: I think we all got so damn burned out by “you need to not just follow/like/befriend people you agree with about everything” being used to attempt to guilt us into listening to fascists, or otherwise put up with bigotry or constant microaggressions or generally get exhausted by nonsense. So let us all agree that instantly blocking bigots or others with views that we find dehumanising is a Really Damn Good Thing. BUT ALSO... over issues that aren’t that crucial, writing friends off due to any possible difference of opinion (fandom-related or otherwise) is a bit miserable. And absolutely awful as a pattern for activism, given that people of goodwill who may disagree with each other over some stuff working together is an absolutely necessary bit of activism.

4. When a fandom has a pattern of preference over characters, ships, and storylines that conforms to societal biases, a) that’s a bad thing and worth talking about, b) it *doesn’t mean that everyone in the fandom who has that preference is doing so because of those social biases*. Group tendencies do not generally predict the motivations of every individual within the group.

5. “It is an especially good thing when A happens” and “It is a bad thing when B happens” are not the same thing. (I most want to make the point that “queer actors playing queer characters is extra awesome” is true but so also is “sometimes het actors play queer characters beautifully and as long as they do their jobs well that’s totally okay”.)

6. It really is okay to ship characters because you fancy them rather than for any more supposedly exalted reason. (Which isn’t to say that other reasons to ship characters aren’t valid and interesting! But “I ship these two because they are/would be hot together” is a complete reason. If indeed any reason is needed.)

7. There is no moral dimension to what gender(s) you find attractive (if any).

8. There is no moral dimension to what gender(s) you are (if any).

9. Not everyone in fandom is a woman, let alone a cishet woman.

10. Actors and other artists are all human beings first and foremost, and should be treated accordingly. And being human beings, it should be trivially obvious that the theory that all of them are motivated by the desire for publicity and nothing else is absolute nonsense.

11. Being kind and generous with yourself and other people is a very very good thing.

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themomsandthecity · 7 months ago

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Jesse Sullivan and Francesca Farago Talk "Surreal" Pregnancy Journey

When Jesse Sullivan and Francesca Farago announced their pregnancy on March 31, Trans Day of Visibility, their videos on social media were met with an outpouring of support: "Congrats to you both! Thanks for sharing this journey," one user wrote. "You are going to make the best parents ever," another commented. Of course, they got questions too - about how they would raise their future kids within a queer family, what their IVF journey was like, and how Arlo, Sullivan's 15-year-old, is feeling about becoming an older sibling. But the good news kept pouring in. On April 7, the couple revealed they were expecting not one child, but twins. They both readily admit they'd been hoping they'd have twins, if only so that they don't have to fight over which one of them gets to hold the baby. "We already do it with our cat and our dog, so if we only had one baby, it would be bad," Sullivan jokes. "Once I was seeing the heartbeats on the scan, it felt so real." We caught up with Sullivan and Farago a couple weeks after their announcement, and they were both giddy as they talked about expanding their family. They were still a bit in disbelief, too, given that they went through a failed embryo transfer last year. As Farago put it, despite all of the planning, hormone shots, and everything else that has gone into making this pregnancy a reality, "the fact that it's happening feels surreal." Keep reading to find out what Farago has been craving during her pregnancy, how Sullivan deals with the "hate" he gets online as a trans man, and why it's so important for them both to be open about their relationship and their journey of growing their family. On How Pregnancy Is Going Francesca Farago: All the first trimester stuff - nausea, feeling tired - it all started hitting me this week. I'm feeling a little under the weather, to be expected obviously, and because there are two in there, I definitely feel a little bit worse than I'd feel if there were just one. It's a little bit of a struggle to do day-to-day things, but everyone tells me that when you get into your second trimester, all of that goes away. So I'm excited for that. I'm hiding it with makeup. Jesse Sullivan: I basically have been like a little caretaker. I make her all her meals, and she's craving very specific things. So anytime she's craving something, I try to surprise her. I'll add a little apple with caramel, and she gets all excited. I take care of the animals, and I've been taking care of the house. Kind of doing everything I can to make her days easier, because she's been going through so much. Not only the twins, but because this was IVF, she's on all these hormones and it's been extra hard on her body. So the least I can do is sort of be like full-blown Mr. Maid. FF: I'm craving healthy foods, and my favorite thing right now is cinnamon raisin toast with vegan cream cheese and berries on top. JS: Or a bagel with vegan cream cheese and cucumber. FF: I'm big on cucumbers right now. I could live off cucumbers. I don't know what it is. I think maybe the freshness. On What's Been Most Surprising Since Starting Their IVF Journey JS: Although we intentionally did this and put so much blood, sweat, and tears into making this happen, once it happened and once I was seeing the heartbeats on the scan, it felt so real. And it sounds so weird, because obviously I knew this was going to happen. But it hits you really hard. And it's like, we're bringing human beings into this world together. FF: I remember the other day, I was thinking like, "Oh my god, we're actually going to have two babies? Who's letting us do this?" I feel like a teen adult. My mom started having kids when she was young, but I'm like, we're ready, but also who let us do this? It's crazy that it's actually happening. JS: I think that's a normal thing when you're pregnant or at any stage, you get hit with the reality really hard. It happened to… https://www.popsugar.com/family/jesse-sullivan-francesca-farago-twins-interview-49355599?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

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dreamlandsystem · 4 months ago

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How delightful! We attempted to answer all of these - they’re under the cut. Thank you so very much for your hard work in putting this together!! This was a really fun bonding experience for us and provided a little insight into our collective.

1. We are the Dreamland System aka the Pawprint Pack and we collectively go by the name Halberd.

2. Definitely system or collective, though we also use “person with DID.”

3. We are a traumagenic DID system, though our neurodiversity definitely played a role in our system formation.

4. We have one subsystem that we know of at this time! Although we do have a “group” of members within the system who are kind of cut off from the rest of us, but we’re not sure whether or not they would be considered a subsystem.

5. We’re not sure if the previously mentioned group would be a side system, but if so, then we do have at least one!

6. We love you& language for others, and we will always respect the pronouns (including second person pronouns) of others! However, we don’t use this language for ourselves.

7. Definitely Simply Plural, we have a few parts who update it whenever we encounter someone new! And we have a part who is working on a system map, so we keep track of members there as well.

8. Oh boy, communication in our system is definitely not uniform. We communicate internally with thoughts, emotions, and vibes. We also leave notes for each other in our physical system journal, in our system journal Google doc, the notes app on our phone, a whiteboard, a personal discord server, using our partner system as a message carrier, and through blogging on tumblr! We still have high dissociative barriers between some parts. So our communication is all over the place!

9. Our DID and myriad of other mental illnesses makes communication a struggle! We have a core fronting group of 5 or 6 who can usually communicate with no problems, but in general, we still do struggle a lot with communicating and keeping in touch with each other. Struggling to be on the same page when it comes to how to communicate externally exacerbates this!

10. A mixture of both, but definitely leaning more towards parts of a whole person!

11. We are out online, to our partner system, our mom, and a good friend of ours. We wish we were only out to our partner system! The other irl folks who know about our plurality tend to ignore it or treat us poorly because of it, so we we do really prefer to keep our plurality a secret in offline spaces.

12. Just English! Though Margo and Cecil speak some broken Spanish (5 years of Spanish classes plus continual practice here and there. Margo is our work part and she helps Spanish-speaking customers!)

13. LOTS OF STUFF! Tattoos and piercings, how to handle our social lives and navigate social situations, whether or not to forgive and reforge a connection with our main abuser, how to allocate our time and energy practicing new hobbies… basically if one part has a certain opinion, it’s highly likely that another part will disagree. It makes life a huge challenge!

14. Basically we identify with the mental illnesses and disabilities that affect us all. We also are intersex, fat, and white. Collectively we are nonhuman and queer/trans! There are quite a few dykes here, but we are not all lesbians.

15. Oh yes we do identify collectively as queer and trans!

16. We also identify collectively as nonhuman! The most human of all of us is human slightly to the left. Our plurality also contributes to us being alterhuman! We identify with alterhuman, nonhuman, therian, and otherkin.

17. We used to have a Carrd, but now we use refer folks to our pinned post here! Though we’d like to make a carrd or rentry perhaps in the future.

18. For us switching can look and feel different at different times! Sometimes it feels like snapping awake suddenly in a way that is quite jarring or disorienting. Sometimes it’s more of a blur as we blend together then the previous fronter leaves as the new frontier takes their place. Sometimes we don’t notice that we’ve switched for hours after a switch happened. It’s really all over the place.

19. More like a mix between polyconscious and monoconscious! Cofronters and those who are coconscious can share a consciousness, but when we’re not fronting together our consciousnesses are more separated.

20. Fronting feels like having autonomy and agency over the body and our life! In our headspace we have a fronting area that is designed like a large cockpit, so fronting can kind of feel like “piloting the meat suit.”

21. Oh gosh, we have maybe 20 members? Probably between 20 and 25, it’s not something we can give a straightforward answer to!

22. Alters or parts language definitely! Though we sometimes use members, headmates, or packmates.

23. Most common age group in our system would be adults who (more or less) age with the body, followed by young parts (age 12 or less).

24. The most common gender in our system is probably some nonbinary flavor of transmasc!

25. Thanks to Ralsei we are a pretty good cook! And we love to write thanks to Kip and Basil. Parker and Ollie both love drawing and coloring! And Alucard has been getting us into DIY and upcycling clothes. Cecil also is learning piano!

26. Kip and Ralsei are in a qpr! That’s the only in-sys relationship that we know of.

27. God yes, the roles in our system are: autopilot, caretaker, chores doer, chronic pain/illness holder, energizer/joy bringer, gatekeeper, host, mediator/negotiator, messenger, persecutor, protector, trauma holder, worker.

28. Most of us are brainmade, though we have a few introjects.

29. We all have different names and associated emojis! Here’s our emojis: 🎀 🦇 📖 🎙 ❤️‍🔥 👻 🦋 🐢 💼 🌸 ⚔️ 🐉 🤖 🌀 🦆 💫 👓 💚 🌻 🐺 🐶

30. Yes a few of us do have xenogenders! Ghost most notably collects xenogenders, and a handful of us do have at least one or two xenogenders!

31. We don’t know what face claims means in plural contexts. But almost every single member has a different internal appearance! And none of us identify with the way our body looks.

32. Ralsei from Deltarune, Obi-Wan from Star Wars, and Meta Knight from Kirby are probably the most popular sources found in our system.

33. 👓 is an introject of our main abuser. So he is definitely not popular at all!

34. Nearly all of us are nonhuman in some way! We’ll list as many critter identities in our system as we can: alien, angel, badger, bat, demon, dove, various dogs, dragon, eevee, fairy, goat, hawksbill sea turtle, monster/beast, moth, osprey, red-tailed hawk, robot, vampire, wolf, werewolf, zombie… and there’s probably some we’re still missing!

35. Alucard used to have a typing quirk, but vamp stopped a couple years ago in order to help goths blog and online presence be more accessible.

36. There’s 5 or 6 of us who front often, followed by another group of a similar size who front occasionally, and then there’s another group of 3 or 4 who front only when negatively triggered or in times of extreme stress. We do have a few parts who never front to our knowledge.

37. Yes, we have a few parts who can’t or won’t speak due to trauma or autism reasons.

38. Most of us are either short or about average, with a couple of us being very tall.

39. We don’t think of our parts in this way. We try to love each other unconditionally, even when it’s hard. We don’t want to single out one part as “the most beloved.”

40. Yes, our current host is almost always fronting to some extent.

41. Yes, we do have a headspace!

42. Our headspace is vast with a lot of different areas including, but not limited to, a fronting space, an island with a big ocean, a section of outer space with a small planetary system, a mountain range, the house we spent most of our childhood in, a garden, a treehouse, and more.

43. Realistic - they look like how they envision themselves!

44. Our headspace exists as it does thanks to having a paracosm along with the tireless efforts of Kiki and Toby! Before their hard work, our headspace only consisted of our childhood home (where trauma holders reside) and the outer space section which is a part of our paracosm.

45. Headspace is the default location of many of our members! Only our host has difficulties accessing our headspace.

46. Remembering headspace events when fronting definitely depends on the alter. We’re all over the place in this regard.

47. Time doesn’t exactly pass? Like events can happen and time can be frozen, and the way time passes inside does not at all correlate to how time passes outside.

48. The most cherished place in general is probably the treehouse, which we are trying to turn into a community hub for everyone!

49. Yes! Our headspace is quite populated with animals and beings who are not genuinely members or parts, and are more like props or imaginary friends.

50. I guess a fun fact could be that our headspace is kind of fragmented, with not all areas easily accessible or connected to each other. Also many parts do have designated areas of our headspace which are “their domains” so to speak!

51. We fit the stereotype that our presentation is covert. We do have persecutors. We do have traumatized littles. Our difficulties with amnesia are often noticeable and disabling. We have “cringey” alters and plenty of attributes that many might fakeclaim us over. And we have indeed been fakeclaimed plenty of times in the past.

52. No, not even in a jokey way. Some alters may technically fit this description, but we do not consider any of our alters evil in any context whatsoever.

53. Lol… silly straws…

54. We don’t really save too many memes and we don’t have a plural meme on hand, so we’re not sure. We do like the trend of folks creating their headmates in picrew though, if that counts for anything. Also that one with the dog that’s like “no dissociation, only system!” Lol.

55. Garnet and Pearl (Steven Universe), Chaos/Order (TAZ Graduation), Aubrey Little (TAZ Amnesty), Marceline (Adventure Time), Aang (ATLA), Cheza (Wolf’s Rain), Chara and Sans (Undertale), Kris (Deltarune), etc etc we could go on forever here. Any character can be plural if you believe hard enough.

56. Oh Steven Universe without a doubt.

57. Will My Alters Go to Heaven by Left at London is a plural anthem! We also vibe with Interior People by KGLW.

58. We’ve seen some lovely art in the plural and dissociative identity disorder tags that really represents plurality in beautiful and heartfelt ways!

59. Again, not going to raise one alter on a pedestal above the rest. We are all beautiful in our own ways.

60. Yes - 12 is our lucky number.

61. This is complicated. Some parts have always known, and we had a brief syscovery in 2013/2014, but our full-blown can’t-deny-this-any-longer syscovery happened in 2020!

62. At the time of our 2020 syscovery, just two. Parker and Kip (thank you Kip… for everything!)

63. Oh absolutely… including our first syscovery it took like 7 or 8 years for many of us to finally come to terms with our plurality.

64. I think we saw daemonism mentioned online back when Alucard was host… and then again when we had our proper syscovery. Parker was like “I’m so lonely all the time, maybe I’ll create a daemon,” and Kip stepped in to say “maybe don’t do that… you’re not as alone as you think you are.”

65. Oh there were definitely signs of plurality throughout our life. Chronic dissociation and indecision, constantly changing desired names and pronouns, having a massively chaotic, loud, and disorganized inner voice, regularly encountering evidence of a life we can’t remember, etc etc.

66. Our syscovery has changed everything for us. We live with a bit more hope these days, and our internal experience, while still messy and chaotic, makes much more sense. We are very different today than we were a few years ago pre-syscovery!!

67. Yes! Both our therapist and our partner system suspected we were plural before we ever mentioned anything to that effect.

68. During our syscovery, our biggest struggle was the denial, for sure. We had parts who kept trying to deny this, to ignore it, to pretend our alters were imaginary friends or simply lies made up for entertainment. It was really bad. We’re in a much better place now, but we still encounter a bit of denial from time to time.

69. I mean the thing that really solidified our syscovery for us was our therapist saying “I beliebe you may have some sort of dissociative disorder,” lol.

70. Questioning plurals, please please know that it’s okay to be wrong! It’s okay for your discovery process to take time! You don’t have to have everything figured out right away! You can go slowly and take things one day at a time! Plus if you aren’t plural after all, that is absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. You can live your life as a singlet even after exploring the possibility of plurality. It’s okay to question and it is okay to be wrong!

71. We definitely are neurodivergent. We are autistic and have 5 other mental illness diagnoses (besides autism and DID)

72. Yes we are physically disabled. We have undiagnosed chronic pain and fatigue which can be sometimes incredibly severe. We use a cane to get around in our daily life and have a lot of limitations that make it challenging for us to do everything we want to in our lives.

73. Yes, we are diagnosed with DID.

74. We don’t want to divulge all of our mental illnesses, but we have a few. We also recently learned that we have NCAH (nonclassic congenital adrenal hyperplasia) and possibly PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome).

75. Yes, we have symptom holders for certain symptoms, and the symptoms of our various disorders and conditions do tend to vary from headmate to headmate.

76. Our body and mind are intrinsically connected. Every part in our system is affected by our disabilities in one way or another.

77. Yes, we experience dissociative amnesia in the form of greyouts and blackouts. The most common form of amnesia in our system is probably emotional amnesia. Our memory is extremely broken and fragmented.

78. Certainly - our symptom holders definitely have a better handle on coping with our disorders as they’ve been living with them the longest. Although some of them definitely still struggle, and as a collective we are still struggling and relatively unstable…

79. Yes, we’d say our DID, CPTSD, anxiety disorders, and autism all influence and impact our communication and make things more difficult in different ways.

80. Yes! We survived our incredibly painful childhood thanks to our DID. We are learning to make the most of our situation, and we likely would not be here today if we were not plural! Our plurality has saved our lives on multiple occasions! Being plural makes living with our multiple disabilities much more bearable!

81. Definitely the kenochoric plural flag or the coiningcoiningcoining CDD flag.

82. We love plural polls blogs like @/pluralasking and @/plurality-polls! We also like positivity blogs like @/plural-affirmations and @/twylas-plural-positivity. There’s also a bunch of system blogs on here who we adore!

83. A fun fact about us is that we have a collective special interest of video games, and especially games which can be played on the Nintendo switch! We are also a huge furry and have a collective fursona - a plural husky mix named Caelum!

84. Maybe rainbow sherbet lol! Or cookies and cream because we also have a lot of bits!

85. WAY too many to choose here… but the cuddlepupgender flag is lovely!

86. Our chronic indecision makes this tough but we (the current fronters) are going with sour! Especially since sour candy is so useful to our system for grounding.

87. Shapeshifting powers! That would be awesome!! With a few caveats or exceptions…

88. No lol we don’t have Hatsune Miku in our system.

89. Likely 🐶, who is our youngest part.

90. We’d rather eat savory foods than sweet foods but boy oh boy what a sad existence that would be to not be able to eat tasty desserts anymore.

91. Collectively we’d choose werewolf though we do have a few parts who are way more vampire (including one part who IS a vampire).

92. Probably the world of Kirby, as it seems like a cozy, vast, and special place.

93. See our response with nonhuman identities (number 34).

94. We aren’t so familiar with Minecraft servers, but we do often collaborate while playing Minecraft and end up either building a lot of big and intricate structures on creative or playing on survival and just chilling, fishing, farming, etc.

95. Only living in meatspace, for sure. Headspace can be fun, but we want to try and live our life in the real world, even when it’s hard (which let’s face it, it almost always is).

96. Interesting, I think we would collectively make a YouTube channel about video games (our biggest special interest)!

97. Probably teleportation! So we could more easily steal to survive :3

98. So many of us have so many tattoo ideas! But we wouldn’t trust Ollie or Alucard to pick a tattoo… and we think Toby and Cecil would make decent choices!

99. Oh we’ve thought about this one before - salad! Because salad is so very versatile (regular, fruit, pasta, chicken, tuna, etc) and also we are huge veggie eaters.

100. Answering polls and questions gives us an opportunity to try connecting with each other and explore our identities a little bit! We love doing stuff like this. It usually provides us with some insight into our system and helps bring us closer together!

#One-Hundred

[pt: #one-hundred]

In order to celebrate 100 days of posting, here are 100 questions for you to answer! You can either answer them all at once, or let others send in the numbers they are most curious about!

Some of them are general questions, others are just really silly and should not be taken too serious. I put a lot of effort into coming up with all of these, so I truely hope you have fun with this!

For simplicity sake, all questions will use the words "System" and "Members".

1. What is your System name and / or the name you collectively go by?

2. Which word do you prefer to use for your System? (example: System, Collective, Constellation, ...)

3. What are your Systems origins, if you choose to label them?

4. Do you have any Subsystems?

5. Do you have any Sidesystems?

6. What is your opinion on you& / your& language and similar types?

7. What methodes do you use to keep track of your System and it's Members?

8. What is your Systems ways of communication?

9. Is communication hard or easy for you (and why is it the way it is)?

10. Do you view yourselves as parts of one person or as multiple people in one body?

11. Who are you out to as plural?

12. What languages do you collectively / one of you speak?

13. What is something you can't seem to collectively agree on?

14. If you have a collective Identity (such as Gender or Orientation), what is it?

15. Do you collectively identify as queer / LGBTQIA+?

16. Do you collectively identify as Otherkin, Alterhuman or Nonhuman?

17. Do you have a collective rentry / carrd / something along those lines? (feel free to share!)

18. What does switching feel like for you?

19. Are you Monoconscious, Polyconscious or something else?

20. What does fronting feel like for you?

21. How many System members do you have?

22. Which word / words do you prefer to use for members of your System?

23. Which age group seems to be the most common in your System?

24. Which gender seems to be the most common in your System?

25. Are there any talents / hobbies you picked up because of a Member?

26. Do you have any in-system relationships?

27. Do you label roles within your System (and if yes, which ones?)

28. Are most of your Members introjected, brainmade or something else?

29. Do you use names, emojis or something similar to sign off messages (and if yes, which ones and why?)

30. Do any of your System members use Xenogenders?

31. How do Members pick face claims?

32. Do you have any Introjects of popular sources?

33. Do you have any Introjects of unpopular sources?

34. Do you have nonhuman Members?

35. Do any of you use Typing Quirks?

36. Do all of you front, or only a selected amount?

37. Are there any Members who can't or prefer to not speak?

38. Are most of you short or tall in height?

39. Is there a Member that is collectively loved by all in the System?

40. Do any of you struggle with being front-stuck a lot of the time?

41. Do you have a Headspace (if not, is there a reason)?

42. What does your Headspace look like?

43. How do Members look like in Headspace? (example: Cartoony, Foggy, Realistic, ...)

44. Is there a reason why the Headspace looks the way it looks?

45. Is it easy for you to enter Headspace?

46. Do you remember what happened in Headspace when you switch into front?

47. Does time in Headspace pass (and if yes, is it at the same speed as in real life)?

48. What is your favourite place in Headspace?

49. Are there "NPCs" within your Headspace?

50. Are there any interesting fun facts about your Headspace?

51. Are there any "System Stereotypes" you fit into?

52. Who of you would be considered the "evil alter"? (in a lighthearted, joking manner)

53. What is your favourite inside-joke with a Member?

54. What is your favourite Plural meme?

55. Is there any character that you headcanon as plural?

56. Is there any show or movie that you believe is a good plural representation, despite that not being its intention?

57. Is there any song that you believe decribes your plural experience?

58. What about an artwork that describes your plural experience?

59. Which Member of your System do you believe to be the prettiest of them all?

60. Do you collectively have a lucky number?

61. When did you first discover your System?

62. How many Members did you know about during your Syscovery?

63. Was accepting your Plurality a challenge for you?

64. How did you learn about Plurality?

65. Where there any signs of your Plurality, if you look back at your past?

66. Do you think your Syscovery changed a lot in your life?

67. If you're out to others as plural, have they ever told you later on that they already thought about it before you realised?

68. What was the biggest struggle during your Syscovery?

69. Was there any big event that led to your Syscovery?

70. What is something you want questioning plurals to know?

71. Are you Neurodivergent (and if yes, how?)

72. Do you have any physical disability?

73. Do you have a dissociative disorder?

74. Do you have any other disorder?

75. Do symptom vary in intensity depending on the fronter?

76. Do you think your disability / disorder has an influence on your plurality?

77. Do you have amnesia of any kind?

78. Are there Members who deal better with symptoms than others?

79. Do your disorders / disabilities influence communication or switching within your System in any way?

80. Does being plural help with your disorders in any way? (example: another Member switching in to take care of the body during difficult times, ...)

81. Which is your favourite plural flag?

82. If you have one, which is your favourite plurality related tumblr blog?

83. What is a fun fact about your System?

84. What is a flavour of ice cream that describes you collectively?

85. Which pride flag is the prettiest, in your collective opinion?

86. If you collectively had to choose between being a sweet or a sour candy, which do you pick?

87. Your body always morphs into what the current fronter(s) look like, would you want this power or not?

88. Is there a Hatsune Miku in your System?

89. Who has been in your System the longest (if you can remember)?

90. If you collectively had to choose, would you rather only eat sweet foods or only eat savoury foods for the rest of your life?

91. If you collectively had to choose, would you pick to become a vampire or a werewolf?

92. Your body is transfered into one of your Members sources, which do you pick and why?

93. If all of you turned into animals right this second, which animals would we find in your System?

94. What would a Minecraft server with all of your Members look like? (example: chaotic, peaceful, laggy, ...)

95. If you could choose between only living in Headspace or only living in Meatspace (real life), which would you choose?

96. What topic would you collectively make a youtube channel about? (it can't be plurality!)

97. Which superpower would your body obtain, if you had to collectively decide on one?

98. Who would pick the coolest tattoo for the System and who would pick the worst?

99. If you only were allowed to eat one food for the rest of your life, but you would have to decide on the food collectively, what would it be and what would the decision making look like?

100. What is the most fun about doing polls and answering questions, in your opinion?

#systuff

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jupiter-reimagined · 1 year ago

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also- how she feels about each choir member individually-

noel- i NEED them to be friends. the only two out kids in uranium. they stick together and paint eachothers nails and gossip and noels mom is like the only parent that likes her. they also daydream together about what it would be like to get out of uranium, share crush stories, etc.

penny- mad respect. she’s like if river just went HAM. like rivers actually just like a pretty respectable lad despite being viewed as feral. she treats everyone nicely and bonds with every teacher who isn’t horribly religious and therefore uses the religion to justify homophobia… anyways that’s off topic. anyways she likes her like i think they don’t really talk much but they get along so well whenever they do

mischa- hes… intimidated by mischa’s whole rapper persona thing and doesn’t really know what to make of mischa. thinks his fiancée is fake but pretends like she believes him because she wants it to be real for him. i think she can tell that talia brings out a very sweet and passionate side of him so she hopes that she’s real despite having serious doubts… but to be fair she might also have online friends some who’s she to judge. also tries super hard to understand him bc in my universe nischa is at least half real and noel def had a crush on mischa for at least a bit so she tries to see beyond the autotune rap

ocean- oceans… well… a lot. i think she knows about oceans weird hippy parents so she tries to get along with her and not judge her. but you already know she’s gossiping about her with noel. girl says some batshit stuff sometimes and you gotta tell your fellow queer about that. they don’t make up the rules (shrug emoji)

ricky- doesn’t really get to know them all that well i think? like i think they are all for like who ricky reveals themselves to be during the actual events of rtc and they gain a new level of respect for ricky but like… they don’t really know too much about him before then? like don’t get me wrong they get along well and they have the kind of friendship where they say hi to eachother in the halls. maybe they compliment eachothers funky accessories and crap but like they just don’t go out of their way to talk to eachother if that makes sense?

connie- i would DIE for constance anyways uh. again i don’t think they’re like besties but they get along. they tell eachother jokes and giggle about silly little choir things. river might’ve had a little crush on constance like in middle school because she like is nice to her in a time where not many people are. and that encourages other people to be kind to her!!! and he gets a little crush but is over it within the first few months of being in choir together. she admires constance’s generosity but they don’t really hang out like outside of school one on one. only w/ the rest of the choir

OOOUGH YES GOOD RIVER LORE !!!!

#response #romanticallyghosting

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borderline-gays-club · 1 year ago

Text

I think I have an obsession starting to form…

But strangely enough this feels possibly healing?

I just found this singer/performer and wow…In love. I watched her performance on YouTube like 15 times within the last 2 days? Like literally can’t stop watching. Her vocals, the lyrics, the whole performance…literally mesmerizing.

But anyway I’m not really here to gush abt her lol.

Point I’m trying to make is that she’s one of the few obsessions I’ve had in which the attraction was based in something admirable about the person. Vs the obsession being that specific thing I had toward older loser men (the desire of being desired which felt like power and control).

And important to mention that she’s queer and trans. And also I’m protected bc she’s a celebrity and I’ll most likely never actually meet her.

Like I’ve only been obsessed over older men. And only one time one girl. And I’m like really starting to suspect that I was never actually attracted to cis men. But instead that attraction I had towards men was (at least majority) based in fuckin daddy issues.

Another thing to note abt obsessions in general is if I put my obsessive energy into something that Is beneficial to me then I at least come out of the obsession with self growth.

Like for example if I have an obsession with someone and I want to gain their attention and one way I can do that is to make art or watever. And then I’ll become obsessive with making art with the end goal of fulfilling watever fantasy I have of the person. (I’ll expand more on this later)

But yah we’ll see where this goes. Might’ve spent the last two hours looking up all her stuff online hehe

#actually bpd #bpd #bgc #bpd thoughts #quiet borderline #actually borderline #obsession

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vaspider · 3 years ago

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'only tenet of TERFism is transmisogyny' EXCUSE ME NO ITS ALL TRANS PEOPLE. They don't want any trans person to exist. What the hell.

Some people just gotta center their own suffering always, even when they're hurting other people by doing so. I've seen this a lot in younger queer folx of all stripes, this need to be the one that hurts the most, you know?

There's a reason the phrase Oppression Olympics exists, and it's because it's a common behavior or phenomenon in oppressed communities. I see it in the disability community, too.

What I think is important to understand when we talk about how trans people suffer under transphobia is that different groups are targeted differently. I'm not the first person to say this, of course.

Now, like, this is very rough sketchy stuff, and each person's individual experiences will vary, but in my general experience, the rough breakdown of the way in which transphobia lands on trans people kind of breaks down like this:

Binary trans women tend to suffer under a lens of hypervisibility. Everything they do is seen, analyzed, and torn apart. Their struggles are generally the ones centered in the arguments of allies, "allies," and transphobes. Even when trans women are the focus of helpful attention, that hypervisibility can cause exhaustion, because they need to perform perform perform, and be perfect, all the time. It's hard for trans women to just be without feeling like they're on camera, all the time. A lot of the time, they are on camera, because trans women's bodily autonomy and right to privacy are just never respected by transphobes (and often by supposed "allies" who feel free to ask the most invasive questions and get upset when trans women won't answer them), and even if they're not literally on camera, they're supposed to perform as the best examples of transfemininity, because if they don't, then they become the next 'look at this bad trans, all trans are this bad trans' example that TERFs point at and use as a broad brush to paint all trans women. If they're not perfect all the time and have a day where they snap at someone while someone is recording, or make a mistake, or anything, it has a horrible tendency to go viral. You can think of at least three instances right now off the top of your head, right? Right.

Binary trans men tend to suffer from hyperinvisibility. This comes from inside and outside the community -- a lot of trans men talk about being told they can't lead in community because they've 'got male privilege,' that their struggles are discarded, that they're talked over and unable to discuss the things they face, which means they don't get the support they need. Now, there are TERFs and transphobes who absolutely do focus their attention on trans men to the exclusion of or to the deprioritization of the oppression of trans women -- that's where we get Tavistock and Irreversible Damage and Fourth Wave Now and all the other bullshit which focuses on the idea that trans men are "transing the gay away," specifically "transing our butch lesbians" and "stealing butches." But again, generally speaking, trans men face harmful levels of invisibility where trans women face harmful levels of visibility. That's why transmascs in general have issues like lack of understanding even by supposedly trans-competent doctors as to how HRT affects our bodies, why trans men (and transmascs in general) report things like transphobes attacking them with transmisogynistic comments and assuming that every trans person online is a trans woman, etc.

Non-binary (here used as an umbrella term for all identities outside of binary man/woman, to include agender, genderfluid, non-binary, and infinite other identities) AFAB people tend to suffer from a different, very specific form of hypervisibility, unless they start to appear too masculine, and then they slip into hyperinvisibility. This is where we get things like "women and non-binary people" that codes all non-binary people as "AFAB people I can sort of squint and view as women," and people who fall into this category tend to get a lot of attention, a lot of derision from all sides of the spectrum. This is the "blue-haired tenderqueer" sneering that we get from both within and without the queer community, where there's an assumption that these people are just cosplaying an identity, that they're not really trans, etc. Having been in the visibility category and slipped into the invisibility category within the last, oh, year or so, and having two binary trans women in my family to compare notes with, the experiences are unnervingly similar. The difference between the experience that those women have had and the experience that I have had is that according to transphobes, I'm a traitor to my womanhood and performing femininity wrong and taking on a fake identity to escape female oppression because I'm not strong enough to bear up under it, but too cowardly to become a trans man, or... something, whereas they're taking on a fake identity to sneak into women's spaces because they're perverts.

Non-binary (umbrella identity etc) AMAB people tend to suffer from their own very specific form of hyperinvisibility, unless they start to present "too feminine", and then they slip into the hypervisibility which affects binary trans women, but with a little different fuckery in which everyone just assumes they're a trans woman, and therefore they get misgendered by everyone across the spectrum of queer/non-queer/etc. Non-binary AMAB people are generally treated like they don't exist, and when they are spoken about, are often discussed in the context of 'they should just admit they're trans women or gay men,' or if they present 'too feminine,' are subjected to the same sort of horrific attention that trans women get.

Again, a lot of this is very simplistic, and doesn't add in a lot of other complicating factors like race, disability, class, etc. Trans men of color, for example, can run into a different sort of hypervisibility because as they move further through their transition, they begin to be seen in the world as a man of color. It's not really mine to speak on beyond that, but I don't want to neglect saying 'this is really really simplistic and there's more to it than that' over and over.

I really hate breaking it down this simply because it feels like creating another binary (our society does like a binary!) for non-binary people, but like, I can't really talk about my shared experiences with other trans people without putting some framework around it. Someday, I'll be able to do that without categories. Wouldn't that be awesome?

I think we do our entire community a huge disservice when we talk about transphobia as if it's a single snake trying to take bites out of only one part of the community, and not a many-headed hydra, able to attack us from multiple different directions. I also think that focusing on one form of oppression keeps us from forming meaningful solidary and coalitions; the more divided we are, the easier it is for the people who literally want us all to stop existing to pick us off one by one. We see this all across the queer community and it's only ramping up as the attacks on our community escalate from without; people tend to turn on the ones closest to them when they get really scared, and to blame the person standing next to them for the pain they're suffering. It's the "close enough to hit" phenomenon, and it's why we see ridiculous things like "bi women make cis men think that lesbians can be won over," rather than acknowledging that bi women aren't the ones causing that: cis men are the ones causing that. The bi women in that case are close enough to hit. Transmascs are close enough to hit. Trans women are close enough to blame for the problems of transmascs, which makes it possible for TERFs to lure transmascs in and attempt to detransition them, subjecting them to gaslighting and manipulation and then using them as sock puppets.

TERFs do focus a lot on transmisogyny. They focus a lot on transmisandry, too. Debating which one is more prevalent and 'worse' not only misses the point, because transmascs and transfems face very different and totally rotten attention from cis society as a whole, including cis queers. We need to like, not do that anymore: we need to give each other the space to talk about our unique circumstances, but we also need to work harder on looking at each other through a lens of solidarity and trying to see that our struggles are different but not unrelated, and that if we keep downing on each other like this, we're not going to get anywhere except in a much more difficult situation as the people who don't want any of us to exist keep picking us off.

#transmisogyny #transphobia #transmisandry #queer issues #trans issues #long post

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olderthannetfic · 2 years ago

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The YA/SFF book drama on twitter is always entertaining and scary, but I think now I can safely say that 90% of the time, it's about eliminating competition when authors call out other authors for their works. Recently, the trans writer Maya Deane has traditionally published her book Wrath Goddess Sing, an Iliad retelling featuring trans Achilles and received criticism from another author who said her story was racist for featuring "Brisewos" (trans masc Briseis) as Achilles' slave and tacky because Deane strayed from the original myths. To be fair I don't personally like Deane's novel because it warps too much of the Iliad and Greek mythology in ways that don't make any sense ~like making Achilles the daughter of Athena and not Thetis, which would, in turn, mean the Trojan war wouldn't have happened because there would be no wedding for Eris to not get invited to~. I was willing to read other people's thoughts too. It's like twitter critics skip over the part of reading the original text wherein it's about Greek warriors and Briseis was Achilles' war trophy. After the critic was confronted by others saying he's making an incorrect reading of the geopolitical readings of ancient Greece and pointing out Hittie people weren't Black, he tried to backtrack his words. He liked a lot of tweets of people quote retweeting him, saying Deane is a racist and shouldn't have a career as a writer and calls for people to completely not buy or promote her book, significantly affecting her livelihood. Then, people realize he has his own series of romance books based on Greek mythology he's trying to get picked up by any agent featuring an Athena who has a sexual relationship (what?) with Dionysus (what? why? how? What happened to following the Greek myths closely?).

In other news, we all know what happened to Isabel Fall. One of the writers who defended the harassers of Isabel Fall after the fact put out a long twitter thread, basically saying she's tired of consumer-as-identity, bad faith readings, and purity culture in bookish online spaces. It's a fair statement, but it ignores her own cultivation of this growing trend for at least the last 7 years by calling a queer book critic a nazi for just saying "to understand any genre, specifically SFF, you have to read the 'classics' in the genre, not just new stuff or stuff you like." And calling a gay author a homophobe based on reading 2 chapters of his book preview online. Turns out, this author just got published traditionally. Her book is a m/m political arranged marriage fantasy featuring the r*pe and forced outing of one of the male characters in the first 20 pages. So, it ticks the boxes on everything her audience of purity-enthusiasts (and herself) would hate another author doing *insert anti-fujoshi rhetoric and paper-thin ownvoices talking points here* My best bet is within the month, more people are going to read her book and try to call her out, so she put out this twitter thread to get ahead of the bad press. Let's all start thinking for ourselves and take twitter media criticism with a grain of salt from now on.

No. Let's all stop reading twitter entirely.

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absolutebl · 4 years ago

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So I know the point of your blog is BL but do you think with the increase in BL we'll start seeing more GL? There has historically been decidedly less GL (once you filter out the porn made for straight dudes) and as a queer woman I want more!! Western media doesn't seem to do the same kind of storytelling as Asian BL. Even if Asian BL

aren't always telling queer stories, they are doing romance in a way I haven't seen over here yet (like give me a queer romcom or a queer crime drama Western media! Does it exist)? And I want that for GL.

ASIAN GL

OMG another ask for me to spin into stats. WEEEEEEEEEE!!!! (Thank you!)

I REALLLLLYYYYYY hope so. I WANT THIS SO BAD.

I actually love GL as much as BL, but there just isn’t very much of it. Unfortunately, I don’t think we are going to see much in the future either. So sorry to say, but I can explain. I have data!

But I’ll need to talk about the source materials and why the lack first.

So ready... here we go...

History of GL - Popularity Struggles

So BL comes from Yaoi manga. There is a female version of this, Yuri. Historically, in Japan it is MUCH less popular than Yaoi.

On the other side of the globe at round the same time (late 90s early 00s) there are lesbian-centered queer indie films from the USA, also historically less popular than the gay stuff. Although both really struggled. (There are series too. One could contrast the ratings and viewer numbers of say, Queer as Folk against The L-Word.)

Now, let’s look at the romance literature industry because it is a demographic bellwether for romcoms and romantic films, TV, and web series in general. (More on that in the next section.)

F/F, lesbian, and non-gay queer focused romance novels sell the least within the romance genre. If we divide that genre purely on sales lines, it goes: het, m/m or gay, f/f or lesbian, other forms of queer.

There are exceptions, especially when popular romance het authors branch into ff. But this is not the norm.

Sales Demographics for BL

I’m talking broad brush stroke sales demos here. Please don’t take it personally. This is just following the eyeballs, to the numbers, to revenue generated. The entertainment industry is a commercial industry. It desires to make money first and foremost.

Yaoi, BL, and gay romance has been historically consumed almost entirely by women of a specific age demographic (25-65). Hollywood will occasionally refer to this demographic as the Apple Pie demo (see Lynda Obst’s book Sleepless in Hollywood.) I personally think this demo is skewing younger right now, but I haven’t tunneled into the data because, frankly, there is no point until we return to normal (this post from 2020). I specialize in predictive analysis and what we have right now is a non-predictive culture state. (It definitely skews younger for BL because of the technological barrier to entry - AKA the general need to consume online or illegally.)

Anyway, Apple Pie is ALSO the demo that consumes romcoms and romance novels. This is a powerful consumer demographic for material objects (they do most of the shopping for most households in terms of goods) but historically not a very powerful demographic in terms of entertainment. The Apple Pie has a habit of doing pretty much anything else instead of stopping their lives to watch or read.

When they do get obsessed with a piece of pop culture Apple Pies move mountains, see Twilight. (Which is one of the reasons it’s SO VITAL to have positive representation in these kinds of films, even if only as side characters, Apple Pie is also a powerful voting demographic when it comes to culture change like marriage equality. When I talk about being pro-normalization this is that angle.)

Unfortunately, the Apple Pies are easily distracted and easily placated. Historically they will go along with media that other demographics would rather consume (those demos being children, teens & college age, men age 25-55, and retirees). Teens, college age, and men 25-55 often share similar tastes, they also spend the most on entertainment, and historically dominate the entertainment field’s focus. (See superhero tent pole movies etc...)

Okay so, this means BL is most popular with the Apple Pie demographic. (Particularly over the last year and a half because Apple Pies have been less distracted from pop culture than in prior years. I anticipate watch numbers going down when C19 has been dealt with.) I liken this to the popularity of lesbian porn amongst straight men. There’s fetishization, fantasy, exotic appeal, distancing from an act that one cannot participate in oneself, and whole lot of other psychological things going on here. (No shade. This is a pro sex, pro kink, pro self analysis and self understanding space here.)

BL is also popular with gay and queer identified individuals but there just aren’t as many of us to significantly tilt the scale of watch numbers when pitted against the majority of viewers. Sad but true.

Sales Demographics for GL

GL/lesbian film watchers and Yuri/lesbian/queer romance readers are ALSO members of the Apple Pie demographic. But, in broad brush strokes the only people who actually regularly consume this kind of pop culture are an even smaller wedge of that demo. They are:

women/female identified individuals who identify as lesbians, bisexual, or pansexual

gender non-conforming individuals who identify as queer or within the LGBTQ+ culture

In other words, GL is not consumed by straight identified women and they make up the vast majority of Apple Pie. Yet the Apple Pie is already one of the hardest demos to market to. So GL watchers are the smallest wedge of an already difficult target wedge.

So this is a VERY long way of saying that GL doesn’t have the demographics to be profitable. There just isn’t a big enough audience for it to sell well at volume. There’s basically no market.

Which is not to say we won’t get some GL. It just a long way of saying I don’t see GL ever going the same way as BL.

I would LOVE to eat these words - as if they were apple pie. But I can’t see how a surge in GL popularity and production, demographically speaking, would be possible in the current social make up of consumers.

Here endith the market analysis lesson for today.

All that said...

Some GL that DOES exist

Couple of Mirrors (Chinese - sad end, censored romance)

Dear Uranus (Taiwan - cliff hanger ending)

Friendzone 2: Dangerous Area (Thai - subplot)

The Handmaiden (Korea) THIS MOVIE IS A MASTERPIECE (it comes from Fingersmith, which is also great, and the same author as Tipping the Velvet which is fantastic)

Handsome Stewardess (Taiwan - sad ending)

Hormones 2 (Thai - subplot)

Nevertheless (Korea - subplot) - warning the surrounding het characters are unbearable

Pair of Love (Taiwan)

Pearl Next Door (Pinoy)

Ride or Die (japan) VERY DARK murder lesbians

Transit Girls (Japan) - stepsisters trope

Triple - Do You Want? (Korea) - experimental one act where 3 couples (BL, GL, het) each perform the same first love scene with the same dialogue

Very Complicated (Thai - subplot)

Water Boyy (Thai - subplot)

Yes or No 1 & 2 (Thai)

Ones I haven’t managed to watch yet or dropped

Afraid Of (Korea)

Albino (Japan)

Between The Seasons (Korea)

Butterfly (Hong Kong)

Chasing Sunsets (Pinoy)

Club Friday The Series 12 (Thai)

Diary of Tootsies (Thai)

Girls Love (China)

He's a Woman, She's a Man (Hong Kong)

i STORIES (Thai)

Intimates (Hong Kong)

Jellyfish (Japan)

Joshi-teki Seikatsu (Japan)

Legend of Yun Qian (China)

Life is Peachy (Korea)

Lily Fever (Korea)

Love My Life (Japan)

Love/Juice (Japan)

Love Songs Love Stories: Pae Jai (Thai)

My Dear Friend (Korea)

On Air (Korea)

Our Love Story (Korea)

Out of Breath (Korea)

The Painter of the Wind (Korea)

Spider Lilies (Taiwan)

The Substitute (Taiwan)

We Are Gamily (Taiwan)

White Lily (Japan)

X-LOVE (China)

GL Trends by Country

Like with BL I’d be wary of the stuff out of Japan and China as it has a tendency to go dark.

Hong Kong seems particularly interested in exploring cross dressing and gender identity.

There are more from Korea than I expected and less from Taiwan. Sadly, the Korean stuff is particularly difficult to get hold of internationally.

The Thai stuff is all over the place but sometimes can be cute and sweet.

Here’s @heybisexuals Asian WLW Media Masterpost which is full of tasty links and more information.

This post and list date 2021, GL occurring after this will not appear but MAY be in the comments.

(source)

#asian gl #sales demographics #market analysis #bl demographics #watcher nnumbers #meta analysis #history of gl #history of bl #apple pie demographic #asian wlw #thai gl #korean gl #japanese gl #chinese gl #taiwanese gl #romance genre #romance in film #film industry

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katyspersonal · 2 years ago

Text

I think the most wholesome thing I saw today was a Twitter artist accused, and instead of instantly dogpiling on the easy reason to bully and "cancel" someone, people who enjoyed their art mostly instantly went like 'this is a shame if true, hope they will do better since they clearly have a skill and did so much good stuff already' and 'but I really love their works, hope this is a misunderstanding and will be cleared up'.

Like... I can't stress it enough that creators who do not mind growing rather than staying within small audience of like 4 friends, MUST aspire to build this sort of following. The kind of neutral people but thankful ones, who will not jump into conclusions or at least won't turn so easily. I've seen so many kinda big creators get cannibalised by their own "fans" who instantly forgot everything good this person provided them so far. The trademark "supporting attitude" of the so-called "allies", huh? It is just so terrible how easily the audience you basically have been serving can turn on you once things get bad. All to win cheap sense of moral superiority of throwing the 'strong' person off the platform.

The easiest way to avoid letting this sort of treacherous fake "fans" become your following is, honestly, avoiding catering to the people who pretty much just live to fight (online, of course). Twitter zombies that only care for what race/gender/sexuality someone is and nothing else is the quickest example of the audience that WILL betray you and ENJOY tearing your whole online life apart when they get a reason - even if you are same minority as them or whatever. Like, there is little difference despite what you might expect. If you are a cishet ally being supportive - you are wrong because you are a cishet, if you are a queer person - you 'do not exist in the vacuum' and just queered the 'wrong' way.

Although I intend to stay a niche artist until I die, seeing this happen over and over is more or less why I never draw focus to my queer headcanons even if I have plenty. It is just a good course of action. Like, no flags unless June, no specific words unless asked or relevant to the discussion, etc. I've noticed just depicting love between same gender characters attracts more chill audience than drawing strong focus to how gay/lesbian they are or whatnot, for example. Just drawing different people as people, not as revolutionary statement to "piss off the bigots". Making your designs not white, drawing your favs as not cishets out of love and not out of "spite" is probably the first prevention from attracting the blood thirsty squad who, I can assure you, will absolutely not have your back or remember your services once you disappoint their expectations from you as a perfect pure person with perfect pure history.

Nobody wants THIS sort of audience, really. Attracting people who are here for your style and talent, not for seeing you as a valuable 'blade of justice' is IMPORTANT. Like, may be cynical but when I see a creator that clearly 'serves the community' rather than simply expresses themselves or what they know, I just can't help but go 'yeah, wonder how soon they'll make a mistake and get cannibalised'. "Accountability" is just a justification for witchunts.

#/vent #creativity #internets #naturally the most safe audience you can gather if you just draw white passing people and no ships or straight ships lol.#but it is like... i feel like this is a little boring. people are different and it is great and it is great to at least sometimes remember #but there is a way to go about it that doesn't rely on people who just need a reason to burn YOU even if you were burning other-#-witches with them for months if not years.#granted it often applies to celebrities like actors and writers not just artists but yeah

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thanotaphobia · 3 years ago

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on philza, technoblade, and qprs

i’d like to start this off by saying i am on the ace spectrum. i don’t really label myself as anything other than “queer” but here i acknowledge the fact i am somewhat asexual and aromantic

now onto what i actually want to say, mostly about the conversation surrounding philza and technoblade and their relationship as viewed by the fandom. i’ll go through this in three parts: 1. canon relationship 2. fanon relationship 3. my take on boundaries, qpr, and society stuff and how i think some of the fandom surrounding these two characters need to chill on the depiction of certain relationships

1. phil and techno’s canon relationship is centered around a few very important lines and interactions. mostly “for you, the world phil” and other statements declaring techno and phil as besties. i don’t think either of them are bad friends in any way! i think in canon their relationship is strong and has several moments on stream that can back it up. techno constantly showering philza with gifts is part of his love language- phil is a bit different, but his acts of service come with helping him farm wither skulls and supporting technoblade during doomsday. canonically, their relationship is strong and i don’t deny that.

2. fanon has taken it different ways, as fandom is wont to do. many people are interpreting phil and techno as best friends, some as father/son, apprentice and master, etc! it’s great- all these headcanons are awesome. the problem that some people have come to find is with the depictions of philza and technoblade in a qpr, or a queerplatonic relationship. for anyone who’s unclear on what that is, a queerplatonic relationship is by definition “a term for a relationship that bends the rules for telling apart romantic relationships from non-romantic relationships.” this is straight from the LGBTA wiki, although the definition can shift and change depending on the person you ask. this is not an issue. headcanons are fine and chill and dandy and philza himself has said headcanoning is fine including qprs! the problem lies within:

3. the fact that some people take it way too far.

unfortunately, in the society we live in, there are some things and actions that have been coded to be romantic. every day these items are challenged by real life queer people who are in qprs and who do live their lives in opposite to how society demands we do. however, when it comes to minecraft roleplay and the content creators performing, this is not the hill to die on. you can say you want something to be platonic and still slap romantic-coded actions all over it. kissing and marriage are two of the most contended i’ve seen, as well as lingering touch and other intense, close parts of a relationship that are often coded as romantic. this doesn’t mean that those actions always have to be romantic. that’s the whole reason for qprs in the first place- to challenge and go against the idea that all of these actions must be romantic. however, for the real life people concerned (who may or may not understand what a qpr is) it WILL COME ACROSS AS ROMANTIC.

there is no way to fix that. there is no way to erase cultural norms grown into a person. some things will always be taken as romantic no matter how hard we try to denormalize it. you can’t just say it’s platonic and expect the whole world to go along with it. that is not how it works, however much i or you disagree. change is slow- it takes years, even decades.

that being said, it’s of my personal opinion that some fan content depicting techno and philza in a qpr goes too far. i block and mute anything that makes me uncomfortable, and i urge everyone else who feels the same to do so, because that’s how you react in an online space when you see something you disagree with. block and mute and move on. but i also wanted to get my thoughts out there in a way that makes sense (at least to me) and to just remind people of boundaries that exist and that while the world is more progressive than ever, it is still not perfect and likely will never be. is this a hill to die on? i just urge anyone making content to think about how one of the content creators involved would view it- if they came across it, or it was shoved in their face, or blew up to an immense amount- how would they react?

tl;dr: im not a personal fan of some depictions of techno and phil in qprs. i block and mute and move on, so should you. disclaimer: all of this is my opinion and should be taken as such. i don’t legitimately care enough to really argue on the matter of opinion, so. take it as you will

#fandom critical #philza #technoblade #dsmp #mcyt

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terpia · 3 years ago

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Early Modern Drama Rec List (Non-Shakespeare)

So I just spend a year reading a lot of early modern drama and I thought I might as well put my degree to a good use and make a list of some of my favourite lesser known (i.e. not written by Shakespeare) early modern plays. All of these plays are in the public domain, so it should be very easy to find them online.

Comedies:

The Roaring Girl by Thomas Middleton and Thomas Dekker - a fictional story featuring a dramatized portrayal of a real person, Mary Firth, also known as Moll Cutpurse. Moll was a notorious pickpocket, wore a doublet and breeches, smoked a pipe, cursed, and was generally infamous for her 'mannish' behaviour. And she's a character in this play!

It is open to interpretation how positive the play's depiction of Moll really is, but she does play a very important role in getting the main pair of lovers together and ends the play happily continuing to live her life the way she wants, which is in itself pretty incredible. Overall, just a really fun read.

Galatea (or Gallathea) by John Lyly - a 16th century play that is both gay and trans??? Sign me up! In a village where the fairest virgin needs to be sacrificed to Neptune every 5 years (or he'll drown everyone), two fathers decide to disguise their beautiful daughters as boys and hide them in a nearby forest. While wandering around the forest the two girls meet and, falling for each other's disguises, fall in love. In the end (spoilers for the ending, but this is not exactly a play you read for the plot, lol), Diana stops Neptune, the two girls find out each other's true identities and decide they're still in love, and Venus turns one of them (we never find out which one) into a boy so that they can get married.

As must be clear from this summary, this comedy plays around with gender a lot. To add to the gender cocktail, remember that the two girls would have been originally played by boys. Although the ending was seen as heteronormative by early queer critics, the emergence of trans criticism within queer theory has led to a lot of interesting readings of the play. Well worth a read.

(also, if you have a device on which you can play DVDs and some money to spare, consider buying a DVD of the Edward's Boys production of the play. Edward's Boys is a group that replicates the format of early modern boys' companies, with all roles in their productions being played by boys. I will admit, when I bought a DVD of their 2014 production of Galatea, I expected to watch a glorified high school performance, but it turned out to be so good. All the boy actors were amazing, way better at performing Shakespeare than a lot of Hollywood actors. This just straight-up felt like a professional theatre production, I highly recommend it.)

The Knight of the Burning Pestle by Francis Beaumont - I don't even know how to describe this play other than 'fantastic and fun'. A meta-theatrical city comedy, which starts with a pair of audience members (who were actually two dressed-up boy actors from the boys' company performing the play) jumping onto a stage and demanding to see a different play than the the one being set up. Things get only wilder from there.

A genuinely really funny play. I don't know of anyone who has read it and hasn't immediately loved it.

The Sea Voyage by John Fletcher and Philip Massinger - one of the least well known plays out of this list, which is unfortunate because this play is really fun. Short and sweet, it's a story of a bunch of (surprisingly honorable) pirates, who get shipwrecked on an island inhabited by a tribe of Amazon-like women. Predictably, hijinks ensue. An interesting look into early modern gender relations (apparently the main reason why living without men would be difficult for women is because of how horny they would get? I think Fletcher and Massinger need to take a lesson or two from Lyly).

The Alchemist by Ben Jonson - want to see three assholes con a bunch of idiots in increasingly ridiculous ways? Then this is the play for you.

Jonson's city comedies, which satirize the people of early modern London, tend to be much meaner in tone than Shakespeare's comedies and the other comedies on this list, but in many ways, that's what makes them fun. Viciously clever and at times really funny, there's an edge to the writing that makes it very entertaining. I had a lot of fun reading this (Jonson's Epicoene is also great, if you want a comedy that's even meaner and also has some very questionable gay stuff in it).

Tragedies:

Doctor Faustus by Christopher Marlowe - probably the most famous non-Shakespeare early modern play, and for a good reason. It has everything; pacts with the devil, a melodramatic anti-hero protagonist, homoeroticism (I mean of course, it's Marlowe), and a suitably gory and tragic ending. What more can you ask for?

The Tragedy of Mariam by Elizabeth Cary - this play is more interesting than fun, but I think it's still well worth a read. It's the first original play written in English by a woman. The play takes place in ancient Palestine. It looks at the way Mariam, a Jewish queen, reacts to the news of the death of her husband, the tyrannous Herod (yes, the baby-killing guy from the Bible). Most people seem to be relieved. Except oops, Herod is not actually dead.

A fascinating look at gender ideology in the early modern period, with the play centering around the conflict of a woman who tries to live up to the ideals of a perfect wife and woman, while stuck in a marriage to a tyrant. This play would also be a great read for anyone interested in how gender and sexuality intersected with race in early modern England, because this play uses a lot of racialized language to describe women.

The Duchess of Malfi by John Webster - a classic revenge tragedy. A recently widowed Duchess wants to marry her steward, but her asshole brothers throw a fit. Intrigue and death ensue. At one point a fake wax hand and some fake wax corpses appear on stage.

This play basically reads like a good thriller. Fucked up in a way that only an early modern revenge tragedy can be, this is a fun and thrilling read.

The Changeling by Thomas Middleton and William Rowley - speaking of fucked up. If you're planning to read it, be mindful that this play contains sexual assault. It's a story of a young noblewoman called Beatrice, who wants to get rid of her fiancé after falling in love with a visiting nobleman. To do it, she enlists the help of her villainous servant De Flores. Things end up going extremely badly.

This play can get very uncomfortable at times, but just like The Duchess, it's as gripping as any good modern thriller. Very engaging. The ending is as engrossing as it is stomach-churning, although probably not for the reasons it was originally meant to (reading criticism about The Changeling, it is genuinely shocking and disheartening to see how long it took for critics to start addressing the clear issues of consent in the play). The story also includes a bizarre virginity test that uses a potion which makes you drowsy or which makes you sneeze and laugh depending on whether you had sex or not, so hey, at least that's fun?

Antonio's Revenge by John Marston - ok, so this is definitely the least... good of the plays I've recommended so far, but listen. Do you like trainwrecks? Do you like violence so over-the-top that people to this day wonder whether it's actually supposed to be a parody of the revenge tragedy genre? Are you looking for a reading experience that will make you go 'what the fuck' throughout? If so, this is the play for you!

Very much in the so bad it's good category. Ridiculously gory. The only thing that makes it better is knowing that it was originally played by children (on a related note, I haven't seen this production, but I know that this play has also been played by Edward's Boys). If you like horrible, gory horror movies, you'll probably enjoy this play.

That's it for now! Hopefully at least a few of these plays catch your interest.

Btw, LibriVox, which is an organisation that makes public domain recordings of public domain texts, has most of these plays available as free audiobooks, if you're interested!

#early modern drama #early modern england #book rec #i don't know how else to tag this #i keep spending way too much time on these extremely niche posts #but hey i had fun writing this and maybe it'll end up being useful to someone who knows #alex's boring history corner #kind of???#shakespeare

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soupthatistohot · 3 years ago

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Why do I write primarily mlm fanfic?

This was something I asked myself the other day. I am a girl, I think I'm queer (but I am attracted to men, whatever I am), so why do I fixate on mlm relationships? Why do I never feel compelled to write wlw or even just some good 'ol straight stuff? I brought this up to a few friends of mine who also watch anime. One of them said that it’s because lots of popular media only really focuses on developing their male characters well, and I think this to be a very suitable explanation (as well as the fact that I’m queer and thus gravitate towards queer stories).

Take Sk8 the Infinity for example. I could count the number of female characters in this anime on one hand, and one of them is a robot. The others are supporting roles who only serve to support the male main characters. I love Sk8 very much, and with the possibility of a 2nd season I’d love to see a prominent, well-developed female character (but if they make her Reki’s love interest I will literally stab someone). But as the anime stands right now, there are no female characters that aren't just basically plot devices.

Another show I love dearly, Yuri!!! on Ice, is much the same. While there can be more of an argument made here because 1) competitive figure skating is split up between men and women, and 2) I believe that the story Yuuri and Victor is absolutely meant to be a romance, so having the two men as the focus is somewhat necessary, there's an overwhelming lack of fleshed-out women in the story. All the female characters are supporting members that only exist for the benefit of male characters. Yuuko and Minako support Yuuri, Lilia exists so Yuri P. can improve, Mila is just... kind of there, and Sara's whole character is centered around her brother being overprotective of her.

Okay, so let's look at something a little less... fruity. Horimiya. I've only watched the anime, so if there's stuff I miss from not having read the manga (yet), please forgive me. I still think this is a valid perspective, though, because if there's female development that the creators decided was so unimportant that it could be cut, that still supports my point here. In my opinion, Miyamura is a lot more developed than Hori. He has his tragic backstory of being a loner, and having his secret piercings and tattoos and all that. A lot of the story ends up focusing on his side of things... despite the fact that Hori is the protagonist. The story follows her perspective for the most part, we learn things about Miyamura as she does, yet I feel like she's a bit dull. She has a uncommon home life and has to take care of her younger brother, that's her big bad secret? I get that it's kind of unexpected since she's the pretty, perfect, popular girl, but I still feel like it's a tad anticlimactic. It's hardly ever addressed beyond the first few episodes, too, and it just kind of exists as a fact within the story. Even beyond our main couple, it seems like the other female characters development and stories are all focused on the boy they're interested in (except for Sawada, but she's there for like a couple of episodes and then doesn't really show up all that much again... and her crush on Hori is handled really weird, I didn't exactly love it). Remi's entire character is pretty much centered around her boyfriend, and Sakura and Yuki are basically competing for Toru. Meanwhile, the guys have story beats themed around the girls they're interested in, but I feel like it's not as obsessive or dramatic as how the girls are depicted.

So, we're given these female characters, who are really watered-down and honestly kind of boring, and we're not super compelled to write about them. When we are given flat female characters, there's nothing to work with. It's more fun to use the characters who have had development and play around with the "what ifs" and our own personal headcannons. The characters who get this special treatment are primarily male. And while I commend a lot of shows for developing their male characters in such a way that doesn't exactly fit with society's idea of masculinity (ex: Reki's insecurities and depression, Yuuri's anxiety and femininity, Miyamura's isolation and depression), in the end these characters are still boys, men, males.

I also think mlm is so prominent because of both straight girls and queer people. For straight girls, it can often be fetishization (forgive my generalizing, I'm sure not all straight girls are like that, but an overwhelming amount definitely are). I think one of the best examples I can give for this is Phan. This is a bit different since it's not anime, but instead real people, but if anything that really drives home the point even more. The way Dan and Phil were (and probably still are) treated in the fandom internet space is disturbing, to say the least. Their audience, while much of it was queer, was also made up of an overwhelming amount of heterosexual girls who not only shipped them intensely, but also often sexualized them. And look, there's nothing inherently wrong with being a straight girl and writing smut, but it gets to a point where it can be kind of weird if its excessive. Like, if that's all the relationship is really about, and if the people you're writing about are real human beings, that's definitely overstepping. I will admit that I had a Wattpad and that I wrote Phanfic way back when, and this is something I'm not exactly proud of. Granted, I did not write anything explicit, it was still super weird, whether or not I was queer. And I'm not saying all the problematic aspects of the Phandom were because of straight girls, because what I contributed was arguably problematic, and I did not identify as straight at the time. At the same time, though, there were straight girls who wrote exclusively smut (or "lemons" as they might've been referred to at the time). There were those who analyzed every post, every bit of information they could find about these men on the internet. They obsessed over the fact that they occasionally shared clothes (which is fairly common for roomates of similar sizes to do), and gathered evidence to support the theory that they shared a bed. It was bad. It was invasive, and it got to the point where it wasn't about the people, it was about the fetishized fantasy these girls made up in their heads about these real, actual men.

Dan and Phil's online presence kind of disappeared for a few years... and I don't blame them.

Getting back on track, mlm is prominent for queer people because it's the LGBT representation they so desperately want to see actualized in media. If a show doesn't make their favorite queer ship canon (and they often don't), they'll do it themselves! That's what fanfic is for! I also know that queer people project onto these characters a lot, and that writing about them is almost like a form of therapy. They see these characters as queer, and they see themselves in these characters, so they write about these characters experiencing similar emotions to them. The thing is, the most compelling characters are male, so those are the characters they end up focusing on, even if the person in question is strictly sapphic. My best example is how I project onto Reki. Personally, I end up thinking of him as (and thus end up writing him as) having some internalized homophobia around being bisexual. That's literally what I am currently going through. I can't project this onto any of the female characters in Sk8, because I couldn't see them going through this experience because they're not developed enough to.

Despite all of this, I still enjoy all of the shows I mention a lot. I think it's just an interesting topic that I was thinking about. I'm not trying to bash anything that I used as an example, these were just my personal observations based off of what I know about these shows and their fandoms. I do, though, believe shipping real people isn't super cool, and I stand by that as someone who used to do it. I'm not going to stop you... I just think it's intrusive and inappropriate to pretend like you know enough about influencers to dictate who they should be involved with romantically. Their love life is, frankly, none of your damn business.

So, long story short, we should make anime (and popular media in general) less misogynistic.

(Also, please leave Dan and Phil alone, they deserve privacy)

#fandom #anime #mlm #queer #lgbt #lgbtqia #sk8 the infinity #yuri!!! on ice #yuri on ice #horimiya #kind of an essay #kind of a brain dump #I hope I got my point across #I spent a little bit too much time of this probably #yes I was a phannie a little while ago #don't judge me #I didn't want to tag this as phan for fear that they would attack me #I don't need the wrath of the phandom

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foundfamilie · 4 years ago

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Mutual Understanding

Prompt: How bout some platonic bromance of Carlos and Paul I feel like after the club scene they will have become besties ?

Thank you for the prompt, @daybreak96! I know it’s about 10 months late but maybe you’ll still enjoy it. I haven’t written for this fandom since S1 aired, so I’m a but rusty, I apologise for that

__________________________________

Paul flopped onto Carlos’ couch right after he came through the door. Ever since the night in the club he had been at Carlos’ apartment often enough to feel comfortable to do so. “So, where’s TK?”

Carlos closed the door behind his friend and sat down next to him. “He’s not feeling well.”

“He won’t come?”

Carlos shook his head and checked his phone one last time to see whether TK had changed his mind. He hadn’t.

Paul sat up a bit straighter and ran his hand over his thighs as if he was nervous. When Carlos looked at him, he was frowning. “But… is he okay with us hanging out?”

“He is, yeah,” Carlos answered and sent a smug smile in Paul’s direction, “I’m a grown man, though. I can decide for myself who to hang out with.”

Paul shrugged. “Yeah, I know you can. It’s just, I met you because of him and I wouldn’t want to cause any… bad blood. Not between the two of you and also not between him and me. Things have been good at the station. Wouldn’t like to ruin it.”

Carlos shook his head in sympathy. “Don’t worry. As long as you don’t come at me I think you’ll be fine.”

Paul chuckled at that and held his hands up. “I’ll do my best but that body of yours…”

Carlos only spared him a sarcastic smile. “Oh, but you do own a mirror, don’t you?”

They were interrupted by his phone, a couple of short vibrations signalling various messages coming in.

TK: I’m really sorry for cancelling

TK: have fun with paul, you deserve it after the week you’ve had

TK: let’s have lunch tomorrow if i feel better?

TK: say hi to paul and don’t stare at his face or muscles for too long or you’ll lose interest in me

Carlos couldn’t help but smile down at his phone reading the message.

“TK says hi,” he passed on to Paul and texted back.

Carlos: lunch sounds great, let me know how you’re feeling

Carlos: never!

As if he would lose interest in TK, the thought itself was ridiculous at this point.

“Duuuude,” Paul grinned smugly and shoved Carlos’ shoulder, “You’re so far gone for that boy!”

Carlos looked up at him. When he couldn’t think of a witty remark within a second, he just kept on smiling like a Chesire cat. “Yeah, I know. So, um, now that TK isn’t coming, do you want to have a beer?”

“Sure.” Paul said and then noticed that he had never seen Carlos drinking before. “So, you’re only not drinking when he’s around?”

Carlos hesitated. He got up and walked over to the fridge to get the beers, buying himself some time to think about an answer. “He doesn’t drink, so I try not to when he’s around, yeah.”

Paul nodded. Carlos didn’t know how much he knew about TK’s past but from the expression on Paul’s face he at least suspected something. They both left it at that. Carlos wouldn’t be the one to tell him and Paul had the decency not to ask. “How is it going between the two of you?” He asked instead.

Carlos opened the beers, cheered to Paul and took a sip of his. “It’s going up and down. The timing is shit for him but I know that he’s trying, that’s all I can ask for.” He smiled at that, realising yet again how true it was. They weren’t where he would like them to be yet, but they were good and that was all that mattered for him. “How is it for you? Anything new?”

Paul sighed. “I’ve talked to a few women online… It’s been okay, but nothing real.”

“Has it been different before?” Carlos was careful to ask that. He wasn’t sure how comfortable Paul was talking about his identity or his sexuality and he certainly wasn’t sure how comfortable Paul was talking about all of this to him. “I mean, before you came to Austin? You came from Chicago, right?”

“Chicago is about three times the size of Austin and that kind of shows in my dating options.”

“Do you miss it? Chicago, I mean.”

Paul thought about it for some time, his gaze down, fixed somewhere on Carlos’ coffee table. “I do, yeah.” He shrugged. “Some stuff. I loved the community I’ve had in Chicago but working over there was shit. Here it’s the other way around. Work is good, the team is the best I’ve ever had, the captain, too… I hope the community is something that I can build up over time. My people are everywhere, in some places you just have to dig deeper to find them.” He shrugged again but his voice was too full of emotion to fool Carlos with nonchalance.

In sympathy, Carlos raised his beer bottle and cheered to him again. “I hope so, too. In the meantime, if you ever need someone to hang out or to talk to, you know where I live.”

“Yeah, thanks man. Same back to you. If you ever need someone to talk to, or if you ever need someone to give your boy a shove in the right direction, just let me know.”

Carlos laughed. “I’ll try and be patient first but yeah, thanks, I’ll let you know.”

“He is a handful, that’s for sure. Good luck with that.”

“I can handle him, don’t worry,” Carlos said suggestively, “In every way.” He wiggled his eyebrows and Paul threw the cap of his bottle at him.

“How about you though,” Paul asked about as carefully as Carlos had been earlier, “Are you from Austin? Born and raised?”

Carlos shook his head at that. “Nope,” he answered, “My parents live about two hours to the north-east from here. Very rural, very… Texas, I guess.” He swallowed and smiled self-deprecatingly. “So, I think, I kind of understand the ‘in some places you just have to dig deeper to find your people’ thing.” It was his time to go for nonchalance when he actually knew he wouldn’t fool Paul. They both knew it and still, it helped with the heaviness of dark memories at least to some extent.

Paul nodded. “Yeah, I guess,” he said. “When did you come to Austin?”

“Right after school. We’ve been to Austin very often when I was a kid and I’ve always liked it, but when I got older - with the whole coming to terms with my sexuality and such, it kind of became a safe space for me? I mean, it’s not Chicago or New York or L.A., I know it’s not, but it’s the first place I’ve ever felt safe in my whole life, so it is home for me, you know?”

Paul nodded again. He understood this need for a safe space, this need for a home just as much as every queer person. This time, instead of trying to be chill, he shot Carlos a genuine smile. “Yeah,” He said, “I know. I really hope it can be home for me, too.”

Carlos smiled back and leaned over to shove Paul gently. “I hope so, too, man.” And at this point, Carlos was certain that he himself would try and give his best to make it easier for his new friend.

#carlos reyes #paul strickland #friendship #911 lone star #911 ls #9-1-1 Lone Star #fic #mention of #tarlos #not beta-ed #it's the first fic in a whiiiile so please be gentle #also english is not my first language #mine

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