#i mean THE BARE MINIMUM they atleast should get back for what they give and the pure warmth and light they are

[fangirlforeversthings]

Why do the characters who did their whole life nothing else than giving, giving others love, support, appreciation, friendship, etc. only get the worst pain and suffer known to mankind back in return.

IN WHICH WAY IS THIS FAIR??!

EVEN ALLOWED?!?!?!

[billgetsmewet]

Make-up S€x..

Bill Kaulitz

-MUTUALS WHO FLWD ME FOR FASHION PLS IGNORE THIS OMDS-

warnings : s€x , fighting/arguing, sad start (great end😊)

You were at your apartment, waiting for Bill to come home.

He was always getting home late nowadays, barely paying attention to you, even though you tried to let him know multiple times that you felt neglected.

He told you he would be home by 11pm on the dot, he sweared he wouldnt be late this time.

Wasnt a surprise that it was already 1am and he still wasnt in your sight.

Around 1:54am he barged in, not even saying hello, before dropping his bag and his jacked straight on the floor and going to bed.

He knew this bothered you but he couldnt give less of a shit.

You walked up to him, about to confront him, but he didnt even look at you, you were on the edge of breaking into tears.

You sat down next to him, trying to spit a word out of your mouth without crying.

“Bill..” you mumbled, your voice all quiet and shakey.

No reply.

“Bill!” you said, a bit louder this time.

Still no reply.

“Oh for fucks sake, Bill!” you angered, raising your voice enough for him to finally look at you, but you could tell he was already tired of you talking to him.

“Bill..” you let out another mumble.

“What?” he replied harshly

“Talk to me..” you begged

He didnt even budge, he was too tired to make an effort.

“You said youd be home by 11.. its almost 2am..” you said, waiting for a reply… but he just stared at you.

Finally he sighed, replying.

“I got busy”

Why has he been so cold and ignoring..? you thought to yourself.

“I was worried” you whispered, almost breaking into tears on the spot, you knew he was lying, you knew he was just having fun with his friends.

“You should be used to it by now” he replied coldly, tearing your heart apart.

You couldnt hold it back anymore and you let the tears shed.

He sat up, snapping back to reality.

You walk out of the room, not wanting him to see you cry.

He follows.

You sit down on the couch in the livingroom, curling up.

He sits down next to you.

“L..listen.. i didnt mean to hurt you.. ive been busy.” he stuttered.

“Bill, i know youve just been out with your friends, i know damn fucking well youre not busy!” you cried.

“Ive been worrying my ass off, you sweared youd be home on time.. Im not your mom, i cant stop you from coming home late, but you can do the bare minimum and make an effort to be home the same day atleast!” you wiped your tears.

He sighs.

“Y/N i just want to live life until i can! im only young now!” he says.

“Bullshit.” you sigh. “You lie too, theres no point.”

“Bill, you have to understand im young too! And i happen to want to live my life with you! I make efforts, i dont want to beg for your love.”

He feels his heart break as you say that.. did he really hurt you that much?

“Im.. im..” he couldnt seem to get the words out of his mouth..

You zip your sweater down, youre getting hot from crying so much, and Bills body heat is making you feel hotter.

He looks at you as if he saw an angel fly by, you looked gorgeous, but he knew he shoudlnt focus on that, however his eyes were gkued to your chest.

“Im..” he mumbles.

“Youre what, Bill? Is it really that fucking hard?” you mumble, not loud enough to make it clear to him what you said..

“W-what..?! I-Im not.. hard? I..” he tried fighting down what he thought your assumptions are.

You look him up and down, rolling your eyes.

“I- i mean! i… oh god” he stutters.

“Youre a fucking idiot..”

You walk back into the bedroom.

He follows once again.

You lay down on your side of the bed, he lays down on his, facing you.

“Im sorry..” he finally spits out.

“Wasnt so hard now was it?”

He looks down, ashamed.

You turn over, you dont want to see his face right now.

He glides his hands down your stomach, pulling you closer.

“Can i make it up to you?”

His words gave you butterflies, but you didnt reply, you just wanted him to read your mind.. or your body language.

He glides his hands even lower, finally touching the bottoms of your pyjamas.

God, his hands are so gentle..

He pats your thighs a bit before bringing his hands back up and tucking on the string of your pyjama bottoms.

“Can i?”

You nod.

He unties the string, sliding his hands underneath your pyjama bottoms.

He can feel how wet you already are.

Your breathing gets heavier and heavier by the second.

You arch your back, begging for some spark, begging him to finger you.

—————————————————————————

You can barely catch your breath , as he thursts his cock in and out of you at such a fast pace that youre surprised you can even keep up.

With each thurst he slides his cock just to the very tip, only to slam it right back in.

He moans with each thurst, your noises align.

He feels as if he cant control himself…

He can feel both of you reaching your climaxes.

“Hold onto me.. okay? Fuck…”

“Close?” he whines.

You nod, moaning heavily.

“Me too baby, me too..”

He continues, not missing a single beat from the rythm.

Not long after hes on the edge of finishing.

“I..Im.. fuck..”

He tries speaking again.

“Im gonna.. cum..”

He moans as he says the last word, releasing his seed inside of you, making you finish aswell.

He makes sure to fuck his cum into you, not wasting a single drop.

—————————————————————��———

You guys cuddle in bed, resting after whatever just happened.

“Im sorry” He whispers.

You pull him closer as an answer.

“I promise on my life i wont be late again.. im sorry..”

He kisses you, caressing your head, before both of you fall asleep.

—————————————————————————

Alright i hope u guys liked that! sorry the smut part was short:(

Also i apologize for the spelling mistakes and all that, im hungarian and i dont know how to spell fancy words, ykwim?

Tried my best! Love u!

[riddle-me-ri]

Riddler boys with an s/o in college who is really smart, but has anxiety and feels like a total screw up and a failure. And reader just wants Riddler to comfort them and help to stop the feelings of drowning and pressure. No, I’m not projecting, and you can’t prove that I am.

a/n: You can’t hide from me anon, I know when someone is projecting when I see it. Especially because I do it too! And this is the exact type of feelings and thoughts that I deal with on a regular basis both when I was in college and even now out of school. So if it helps, I’m projecting too lmao, also although I love him I skipped hush (dcau) eddie cause again, I felt these get a wee repetitive lmao

The Riddlers with an Anxious College Student S/O

Arkhamverse Riddler:

First of all, he’s like…the last person to go to for comfort.

Not only because he’s busy but…he rarely handles his own emotions in a healthy way…

But no matter how much he ignores you…it’s distracting having you all fidgety and self-loathing…

Edward will give you something to do to try and take your mind off of it. 

Yes, that’s right…he’s allowing you to help him…

To be in his workshop, with him, quite a privilege really! You’ll probably learn much more from him than any college course!

Almost tries to talk you out of college altogether. 

You know he’s trying and it does mean a lot to know he trusts you enough to be in his workshop. 

Besides…if the Riddler himself trusts you and thinks you’re smart enough…then you must be!

Reevesverse/Dano Riddler: 

Ah, yeah…he recalled not having the best time in college either. 

Edward went in and got out doing the bare minimum just so he could get a decent job

(so much for that, he bemoans)

You’re so much more than any institution, or grades, or anything like that. 

You’re brilliant, intuitive, and perceptive!

He’s quick to comfort you although you may need to tell him how. 

He’ll offer to hold you and rock you back and forth while rubbing your back

Or he’ll let you bend his ear and just vent your emotions and frustrations, he’s learned that sometimes helps. 

Whatever you need him to do, he’ll do it. 

Gotham Riddler: 

Oh gosh, oh dear…

Unlike Dano Riddler, I have a feeling this Eddie absolutely thrived at university. 

Atleast the educational aspects anyhow. 

But he’s familiar with the feeling of not being good enough, no matter how hard you try. 

He takes you in his arms and begins whispering sweet affirmations in your ear. 

You’re enough, you’re more than enough. You’re the best thing that’s happened to him.

Perhaps you’re just burned out, he notices the bags under your eyes. 

And if you’re struggling you can always come to him for help, regardless of the subject. 

Edward knows how amazing you are, but even amazing people need help every once in awhile. 

BTAS Riddler:

Edward is instantly there for you. 

He holds your hands or shoulders and rubs them with his hands, trying to soothe your nerves. 

He hates to see you this upset, but he can understand reaching a boiling point with your own emotions. 

Eddie lets you let it all out, all your anxieties.

He will likely ask you what you need, if you need advice, comfort, or just his presence. 

He will gladly oblige to whatever you choose. 

Like Gotham Riddler, he’ll offer to help you with your school work

He’ll comfort you with kisses and embraces.

He will sit by your side until you’ve calmed down and will be ready with something to take your mind off your anxieties.  

Zero Year/Cappullo Riddler: 

Again, not exactly the first guy I’d go to for comfort or reassurance. 

Edward will just shrug, not entirely sure why you care what your professors or peers think. 

If anyone’s thoughts should count, it’s his. 

You should feel worthy of yourself because he tolerates you…

That’s him being nice, I told you he’s not the best at this. 

Ed gets confused when you don’t continue the bait to banter. 

He sighs when he sees the absolutely crestfallen look on your face. 

It takes everything he can, but he tells you that you’re special…to him especially…

It takes a certain someone to put up with him, your tenacity, your brightness…that’s all you. 

TWOJAR Riddler: 

Edward honestly doesn’t understand why you choose to go anyway. 

You could easily learn whatever you need to know from him, instead of some dull professor. 

He thinks it’s strange that you let something trivial as school get to you, it’s not like it’s going to last forever, unless you insist of going to get a better degree. 

He tries, he honestly does, but again he just doesn’t understand the big deal. 

You’re clearly smart, you got into that school anyway, and you impress him time and time again. 

Him, you know, The Riddler? You have nothing to prove…this pressure you feel from school is temporary. 

Edward isn’t the best with words of comfort, but somehow the effort he tried to put in is enough to make you feel a little better. 

Gotham City Sirens Riddler: 

Edward was curious why your mind seemed to be somewhere else. 

You also began second-guessing yourself, which wasn’t like you. 

When you admit your insecurities and how you’ve been struggling with your self-worth from college. 

Edward’s perplexed. Really? College courses? 

Why do you care? College is a means to an end. 

You’re obviously really intelligent, almost on par with him.

You often helped him think outside of the box on his more obscure cases.

He didn’t just allow anyone to be his assistant, or to aid him on cases. 

Maybe, he should tell you that more often, but when he tells you it definitely makes you feel warm inside. 

Telltale Riddler: 

Likely frowned upon you attending a university anyway.

But I can see this Edward using it as a means to distract you from interfering with his work.

Also another Ed not to go to for comfort, lmao. 

Doesn’t understand why you put so much pressure on yourself when it’s not necessary. 

Especially for some meager classes. 

He leaves you alone to grovel for a bit, assuming it will pass eventually like such emotions do…

But he realizes that your moping silence is more distracting than when you’re trying to get his attention with affection. 

Edward reassures you that you’re just enough how you are, if you weren’t you wouldn’t be with him now would you?

The comment surprises you, but makes you perk up nonetheless.

Young Justice Riddler: 

Bless him, Eddie gets upset because you’re upset. 

Man is panicking slightly but tries his best to hold it together. 

When you let him in on the growing, heavy pressure building up, and how you feel like a failure…

Eddie’s heart cracks for you. You can’t be serious?

You’re more than enough, you’re not a failure, are you kidding? You’re the glue that holds the team together! You have the best plans!

Screw that school, they’re not worth your attention! 

B-But maybe, you could also be burned out? It’s been a while but, he’s been to school…

Edward nervously offers to help you with your school work, but enforces that it doesn’t have to be like a date or anything. 

His endearing comments and efforts are enough to ease your insecurities, especially in favor to help him with his.

[jayflrt]

hii akka !!! thanks for the tips and i hope to follow. actually whenever i see some youtube videos, most of them use didgital planners like notion, good notes (?) and some aesthetic apps like those.

and i thought i could do like them but figured out that written ones are best that planning digitally, hehe. but i still remember how people romanticised having digi notes, digi planners and etc. omg i used to cry why i didnt have those. but i realised things which are available for me are the best 😊

i want to ask a few things about these enha writers who are literal teenagers 😭 they write about suggestive content and say they dont write smut. i hope i am not wrong with knowing the meaning of suggestive which means leading or making them thinking in a sexual way right?? or suggesting them to do something like that?? and then they say they are literally minors and nsfw blogs, dni !!!!

and the way the (most) enha writers romanticise the term 'aesthetic' so much like using small texts, aesthetic pictures and aesthetic layouts. its like so hard to find their about me or rules or masterlist 😭😭 like why do they use small text, i cant see shit.

i wonder who started like having aesthetic blogs and made new writers create like that. its so burdensome to do something here and you get criticism of how your blog should be.

and these enha writers– i never saw them appreciating enhypen, be it about jay's whodunit solo and going to glay's concert and performing and nor did they appreciate sunghoon on becoming hince's new ambassador.

i am not saying it's necessary as a fan but atleast during the bare minimum for them. and the amount of smut content i see on tumblr about enhypen is 😠 so much. everything they do, people here sexualize them.

i still remember when i first came on tumblr, 2021?? the 01 and 02z werent even 20 istg, i see smut about them everywhere and now wonie is 20, and they be like "lets goo!! he's 20" and im afraid for riki these day.

i just dont want these stupid people and standards to become popular. wherever i see, its smut, suggestive content written by minors and those small text and aesthetic layouts.

i hope someone agrees with me, and i am ready to get cancelled to rant like this. come over to me, i want opinions from people who stay silent about situations like these, especially writing smut or suggestive content.

— 🦔 anon

hihi 🦔 anon!!! sorry for the late reply, i got so busy for a bit 🥲 but omg i use goodnotes and notion too but i don't think mine are as aesthetic as the people i've seen on tiktok on stuff 🤧 i remember i took an architecture class and made my notes really nice for like the first week and after that it was back to regular note taking LOL but yeah i prefer writing stuff down in a physical planner because i feel so satisfied when i cross out a task 😌

tbh i haven't been reading much on tumblr lately but in my understanding (which i also answered in the previous ask), suggestive is an implication of sexual content but not explicit sexual content, but i also think people use it just for writing like makeout sessions or smthn like that 😵‍💫 at least that's what i think idk if things are different !!

omg i remember when people on twitter used to make their carrds so elaborate and i'd be spending 5 minutes just trying to get to their dni list because there was a whole minigame to get to the actual information 😭 i get what you mean tho! i think people are free to customize their blogs however they like but can also be mindful that some things aren't exactly reader-friendly, especially for people who rely on screen readers

oh yes honestly there is a LOT of smut content that goes around for barely legal members and it is a little concerning how people jump to sexualize idols 😵‍💫 as for appreciating enha, i give more people the benefit of the doubt on that because i personally use tumblr more as a creative outlet and talk about enha more on twitter, so i assume others do the same if they don't talk about enha on their blogs

honestly i'm not surprised that smut is such a big genre on tumblr (not only tumblr but most if not all fanfic spaces) because a lot of people crave intimacy but do so in private because most people are in sexually repressed societies. it's the same reason why porn is one of the top searches on the internet and why romance and erotica are becoming the top genres for published books. BUT with that being said i do agree that sometimes that creative freedom is abused with how some people jumped to sexualize maknae line as soon as they were of legal age :/

[shewellt]

Saturday: 20 Jan, 2024: We met again!

5th Jan, 2022

We were in our first year when we first met at the college central library. I didn't saw you until my best friend said she needs a pen and i asked you can I have your pen?" And at that time you didn't say a word and you were staring at me for complete 2 mins. Though I didn't like your staring but in evening my bestf said you fall for me at first sight. Though i've never experienced love in my life but this statement made me think that someone can also love me. And i'm someone's choice, first priority. As an introvert, I always have missed opportunity but this time I thought to give a try. I was settling for a bare minimum I thought but no it wasn't. He was ready to put efforts in me, on us, on our relationship.

6th Jan, 2022: We slid into each other dm!

I never knew boys were so shy in approaching girls but so am I. But I felt I should atleast take a chance to talk to him, know him. If it didn't mean to, it will never settle. Then I sent a hi and after 2-3 mins he replied. We talked for hours. He was a coder and I was a naive. I didn't know the language of coding but I did know the language of love. It was going really well. We talked on instagram then we exchanged our contacts then we used to chat in app for hours but not too long. I felt I was relying on him, I was getting interested in him but I don't why I took a step back. Cause i was never in a relationship, I never know what it feels to be in love, never knew what I meant for him.

I took a step back, we had a fight and it goes in vain in just 2 seconds. I never knew the importance of him in life. Though we're in talking stage but I really connected well with him.

Everything just destroyed in seconds due to 1 misunderstanding.

Next part in my next blog!

[sylvia0106]

2 AM Thoughts-

A letter to self

" wish I could leave you my love but my heart is a mess " well it's raining I'm not. I could be doing a million other zombie works then thinking out loud but well eh. Here I come to let it out but it's so empty. People like me break our hearts on their own and look for people to take those parts because we think it won't fit in here anymore so we give and give heart, patience, love, affection, understanding, ourselves " atleast I can give to others what wasn't given to me " " when you aren't fed love in spoon u learn to lick it off of knives ". It's a consolation to yourself. You don't want others to suffer like you did but in the process you not only make yourself suffer even more but also make them rely on you so yeah everyone suffers isn't that just great. The words that you say the time that u give the patience that you put through everyday with them won't make them your first choice, they won't give you what you are wishing for and you do know what you are wishing for and that too that it won't any nearly be fulfilled let alone to heard. When you give people just take and they always will. True someone would give you back too but to what extent? A giver is never satisfied yet too happy if they get the barest minimum of all. You feel the need to earn it to finally be supported loved cared for prioritized made seen and heard for but that's not something to earn. People would be people even the ones you trust the most the ones who never seem to take advantage of you who give u what you give them they too are nothing but endless noises of people. No one's gonna come to you and tell you that you don't need to do things for the sake of them to do the bare minimum for you maybe they do return what you did for them but the thing is you'll constantly keep doing things to feel worthy to feel important to feel as if you matter and they'll keep being okay with it. Who doesn't like attention? Who doesn't like efforts and understanding and patience?. A people pleaser would always be taken advantage of silently subconsciously because you don't set your boundaries you tell people they matter. The problem with this world isn't that everyone's bad so you gotta be bad there's no place for good and that the world changes you to be this person. The world the people your life your choices things will always keep happening and affecting things will only change if you allow them. Good people deserve good people but do they get them? Always? No. They don't but do they anyway deserved bad people? They didn't. Being good is good and it's always gonna be good no matter how polluted the sea is in front of you but being good doesn't mean you let the bad just coexist to you the bad to do whatever it wants they both are surely relative terms which depends on morality of person to person but good people is what the world needs however that's not the reason that you keep being what you are because people say they need you. In the mist of everyone you often end up forgetting yourself and that is just about backstabbing your own self the world does need people like you but not people like you to be used or taken advantage of. Your weakness is your strength it will always be and their strength is their weakness. Bruh I be talking all over the place. You deserve better friends and better people and a heart that isn't earned but given to you chosen to given to you. You deserve yourself who does take care of yourself I yourself who does care about her scars and her pain too. You deserve alot and you should get that alot. Saying "no" to a help to a need to a stranger or to a friend or to anyone alas is okay. People don't need to understand why u did what u did and why you are doing what you are doing they won't ever understand because they are too busy in their lives. Stop looking into others lives so you don't have to face yours.

Sincerely, signing off

Sylvia

[diedbutterflies69]

Will you stay?- Bang Chan imagine.

Contains: friends to lovers au. , Divorce, smut, fluff, blindfolding, oral sex, explicit sexual stuff etc . Minors don't interact.

Never once on your life, you thought you could get your shit together and laugh genuinely at the worst in world. falling out of love is worse but it's even more worse if it's your it's not you who fell out of love. Married at 22 and the honeymoon phase hardly lasted for a year and by the age of 26 got yourself labelled as a woman who sabotaged her own marriage in thirst of money. Your ex husband was bitter about your success even before you got married. He thought as a woman, you just did bare minimum and got yourself a high positioned rank by sleeping with one of the rich rags. You tried hard enough to hold on to that rotten red string , but he had the scissors and just cut you off. You weren't willing to sacrifice your career just because of his Immature mindset, yes you loved him, but can't a women love her own hard achieved success more? That's the question you wished to ask everyone who pointed there fingers at you. After divorce you didn't feel pain just numbness. Your self-hatred coming more stronger than ever, even hating the job, you tried Saving since years, getting life on track seemed impossible and at the end just quitted. Moved out of the city just to move back to your home town, the root of your real pain. It wasn't really a town but rather a more flashy city, expensive shits which you were unable to afford in childhood but now it wasn't any big deal. Earth is round and sometimes precious people find you all by themselves. Your highschool friend, the only friend you had throughout your lifetime because of your anti social tactics.

Bang Chan, the social butterfly who almost knew every single student in whole school, he was the hottest guy you ever saw in your life and also the kindest. You had crush on him even before you both were friends, he was your senior,used to help you with those shitty math sums, crack jokes every now and then and scolded you whenever you procrastinated. He came to congratulate you even on your graduation day, even though there were many more students whom he met you were still glad atleast someone bought you a beautiful bouquet of tulips and bellflower. The last time you saw him was before you moved out in search of cheap collages without informing him, as you thought you were just one of many friends he had and won't ever notice someone like you existed.

But god, how much wrong you were.

You met Chan after almost 9 years in convince store and his reaction was almost priceless , like finding treasure. He was now more handsome, beautiful and god-like even after all this years his style of dressing didn't Changed much, he still looked like Kim Kardashian at 2021 met Gala. nevertheless his smile still had those healing properties with his Cresent moon eyes. He was absolutely stunning.

The first sentence he spoke after confirming your identity was 'I missed you' and then tons of lectures and questions . Knowing how narrow-minded you were he gasped dramatically. Cheesiest ways of saying how could I forget my best friend and so on. That day was probably the best day of your life and maybe even the day after years you really smiled. You both exchanged numbers and addresses and his home was just 10 minutes away from yours. Destiny indeed.

Now it's been over 7 months since you met Chan again and he never made you felt like you were just one of his 109 friends. Chan made you feel special, after knowing what kind of disaster you faced he was even more supporting of you, you both used to spend weekend together watching variety of shows and movies going to stargazing, best friend goals. After many years you knew even if Chan had many people to confide with he never really did. He was alone, just a night owl obsessed with work. You were happy. And he was happy too. Being just friends was enough for you, but not for him . He was slowly trying to find courage to confess his love to you. He liked you fuck from highschool days. He found you once randomly staring at him across the room and when you suddenly disappeared all his fantasies were scattered, he knew your dreams and was willing to help you with your every step. knowing how messed up your household was from your neighbours he felt guilty for not being able to give you happiness. He loved you, but was helded by his own insecurities.

Not anymore though, he wasn't the same coward who just stared at the love of his life from distance. Being the extra human he was, he bought you one of the most expensive restaurant of the whole country, man was loaded. After driving for almost 5 hours you both finally reached there .

Now a nervous Chan sitting infront of you. You being oblivious to the fact that he has a beautiful diamond ring and a confession to make. Chan handed you the menu card and every single dish had an extraordinary name, without much thought you placed the order.

"atleast tell me now, why are we here?" You asked the man infront of you who was behaving extra weird today, he looked sick and was occassionally asking you random questions.

"No reason, I was in mood for long drives and... You know have a nice meal" Chan said fidgeting with his fingers he was acting like a flustered high school guy it was clearly indicating that he was lying but you didn't really care, Chan was weird sometimes.

"Sounds fake, but okay. By the way you aren't sick right?" You asked Chan out of pure concern as he was sweating profusely even in an cold AC room.

"I am fine, just feeling a little hot. Don't worry", Chan said it was more like he was convincing himself that he was fine and shouldn't worry. He wasn't a teenager but a human with responsibilities who once again fell for someone out of his league, he used to think that and he still sees you as a literal goddess. While he was lost deep in his thoughts, the waiter came with food , and this was his opportunity to shoot his arrow. You both started eating and talked like being in paradise.

"did you liked anyone in highschool?", Chan asked you out of blue making you almost choke on food. The only person whom you liked throughout your highschool days was the guy sitting infront of you and you didn't really remembered much guys and the best answer was probably saying a lie with little truth.

"no one lol", you answered trying to sound chilled but since highschool crush topic was out you weren't able to keep your curiosity with yourself.

"What about you, liked someone?", You asked trying to sound nonchalant and not desperate and bitter.

This was the Exactly the conversation that Chan planned in his mind. And here started his way to either heaven or pit of rejection.

"I loved someone", Chan said and you this time you really choked from the depth of your heart, you thought Chan was anti romantic type of guy as he never talked about of his female friends with you or bragged about his non existent dating life. Trying again to not sound jealous or bitter you spoke again.

" Who was that lucky bit-- I mean girl yes girl? Who was she?", You asked, almost letting out the bitch loudly. You weren't sure but you saw Chan smiling cheekily, he was really getting old acting weird more and more everyday.

"Well... Someone from our school",Chan said and you swear you didn't made a disgusting face showing pure jealousy. The best human in your life and your first ever crush had crush on somebody, you didn't knew why you were feeling so fucking bitter but you weren't able to handle the curiosity anymore.

"Tell me her damn name", you asked Chan in a frustrating tone not being able to keep jealousy to yourself.

"Why you being angry", Chan asked followed by his small laugh.

"I am angry, just the food was a little spicy you answer me now, her name?", You answered Chan with your defenses up and still sticking with your previous question.

Chan in response got a little serious now,you thought he was being childish now, he wasn't a kid who was given a dare to name out his crush yet he was acting like one.

"You won't leave me right, I mean after I answer your question?", Chan asked you and you didn't knew what to say in response you were now a little sus about him.

"fine don't answer, keep secrets", you said and continued eating. The next thing Chan said made you now choke and die on food.

"I loved you and I still love you" Chan said looking down at the table head hanging down like his teenage self just confessed he watched porn infront of his parents. You were shocked, frozen and the your heartbeat 10x faster, you didn't knew how to react and tried to find humor in this extraordinary situation.

"Chan, you kidding right?", You asked Chan with a nervous smile on your face. Chan looked up at you , his eyes trying to find yours but you avoided the eye contact.

"I am serious, I liked you from HighSchool times, I saw you for the first time in library when you were looking at me, I swear you were so beautiful and even now after all this years after seeing you I can't, I can't help but fall for you all over again, sorry"

Chan confessed, his voice filled with sincerity and vulnerability his sentences were scattered here and there and incomplete explanation but still you understood everything he really poured his heart to you, you felt like crying even if you both weren't such stupid cowards back then, then today you won't have turned out a divorced women and Chan a guy who grew out lonely even if he had a world for him.

"What should I say Chan?", You asked Chan you were sounding like a girl whose bf told her to breakup even if the situation was exact opposite. Even if you love Chan , you didn't think about him reciprocating same feelings back to you. You were beyond insecure with your love emotions. One thing was sure you won't be able to love Chan without being a bundle on him. Your emotion Baggage was too big and you didn't want Chan to get his heart too with your stupid emotions.

"I love you and I will be really really good to you. Please try staying with me I will try really hard to earn space in your heart, please?" His confession was like literally begging. You weren't able to believe if he was real or not, if it was a dream that will end as soon as cruel morning comes, this felt like fantasy. Chan was a amazing man, he had everything money ,honour ,beauty a nice heart. He was like a character written by women so perfect so delicate yet strong, and he loves you this fact was enough for to lose your mind. but you thought you were a taint to his beauty, you were a character full of inferior complexes and a person too easy to dislike thats what illusion you made about yourself. A random extra in her own story.

"I will pay the bill, let's talk later", you said and walked away immediately to pay the bill leaving a clueless and disheartened human behind. Chan was able to see how you stopped yourself from saying love you too and throwing yourself in his arms. He wasn't same from HighSchool a guy who gets overwhelmed by his own emotions and gets unable to see others. He knew you had atleast a small space for him in your heart and to make a big room for himself he had to throw out all your insecurities and self hatred. He followed you like a lost puppy and he wanted to pay for food but you already did and now you were already out of restaurant searching for his car to get back.

Chan sitted beside you, without doing anything silence and awkward air surrounding you both.

"start the car", you said breaking down the silence, you were extremely worthless and trash as you made the only one person whom you love feel like nothing.

"Just answer me, will you try dating me please", Chan said his voice again passing draggers into your heart. Trying to form any logical explanation you spoke again.

"I am not looking for relationship right now, see Chan you are amazing, but I can't make you happy now and did you forgot that I am divorced, please understand" you said expressing your real insecurities and fear, fear of not being able to keep a man happy.

"you don't want relationship because you divorced that fucking trash of a man?", Chan asked he was getting frustrated you thought but he just wanted to make you happy and not deny what your heart wants.

"my mind isn't stable, I might just irritate you everytime with my mood, you will will get tired of me and leave me -- I don't want to be alone again I will die if you leave me", you confessed tears threatening to fall out of your eyes there wasn't any doubt that you loved Chan he filled the void in you in just months made you happy but you didn't wanted to just take and take and give nothing in return. Chan's hand found yours interlocking your fingers with so much delicateness that you might cry.

"you think so low of me, just stay by my side I will make you so happy that you will hardly get time to think about your past, trust me", Chan said his fingers slightly lifting your chin up to look into your eyes, you looked in his eyes filled with so much care and this was your last straw before breaking down in his arms.

"I love you, I love you so fuckin much, you were my first love my only friend, my everything, please-- please love me", you confessed tightening your arms around Chan, his scent making you feel safe and like home, his one caressing your hair and other wiping away the tears. Even though the scene was more like a dramatic clique scene whatever emotions you both felt was unexplainable.

"So you my girlfriend now hmm?"Chan asked you for first time in night his voice containing pure happiness and excitement.

"I have a sexy boyfriend", you said smiling from ear to ear against Chan's chest. The label boyfriend making your heart flutter, you didn't knew happiness like this can even exist.

"My love", Chan said his voice sweeter than honey, suddenly the night was more starry."now can we go home?" You asked Chan finally breaking the hug, reality hitted you now Home was 3- 4 hours away.

"I made a reservation in hotel, we gonna spend night there", Chan casually said making your heart jump out of your chest.

"pervert, you planned everything seriously", you said dramatically and giving him a playful digusting look.

"I booked two rooms", Chan said now starting the engine making you feel embarrassed. "Who is pervert now~" Chan said in air teasing you more.

The rest of the ride you both talked about anything and everything. Confessing how you used to find ways to always be in each others vision etc. Both of you finding a new thirsty side of each other. Nothing felt uncomfortable, it was happiness those inhumane laughs crazy tricks you both used to pull everything was heaven. After some time you both reached infront of a gaint hotel , it looked expensive af but regardless Chan knew how to waste money and you were tired of lecturing him about savings.

"let's go", Chan said removing your seatbelt and getting out of car to open the door for ya. He was being so cheesy gentleman and you were enjoying every minute.

"room 42 and 43" Chan said to the receptionist and she handed two keys to him. Thanking her then getting on elevator, you were a little disappointed that you weren't sharing room with Chan, yes you were pervert and total simp for Chan, he was too hot and your sexual drive was getting higher each passing second. The elevator doors opened and you got off. Chan handed you the room key and softly kissed your forehead, both you wished it was your lips.

"if you want anything, just knock okay?" Chan said in his lovely tone, I want you you internally screamed, nevertheless you gave him a nod and got inside that expensive room .

Starring at the ceiling while lying on the bed your mind was full of Chan, you knew he wasn't probably sleeping and was wasting time in watching random shit on internet and you were hungry, hungry for Chan, it wasn't your fault that Chan was so hot. Trying to fall asleep and fidgeting here to there you finally decided to knock on Chan's room door. A danger zone. You noticed how the door flunged open in less than few seconds.

"Hi" you said scratching back of your head and trying to think what next to say.

"Hi..?"Chan said being confused.

"there is cockroach in my room, let me stay with you" you said a clear white lie. Taking impulsive action were never good for you.Chan sighed before opening the door fully and signalling you to come. This was your happiest day ever.

"whY you lying", Chan asked you as you plopped yourself on sofa besides bed. He asked the sentence in a sarcastic way.

"Do you you wanna kiss me?", You asked Chan with a straight serious face catching him off-guard, you didn't wanted to waste more time, you wanted to do everything with Chan, yes fucking on first day of dating was a little too early but you fantasized about this gorgeous man since ages, in your eyes he looked total dom but his reaction to your question was making you doubt your thoughts.

"Are you sure", Chan asked you clearing his throat.

"Are you virgin?"you asked Chan, he was being too nervous.

"Obviously not"Chan answered you in duh tone, rolling his eyes. And it was getting awkward.

"The cockroach must have gone by now I should go, bye", you blabbered and got up ready to leave, you were about to open the door but Chan grabbed your hand and before you knew anything his hands were on your cheeks cupping them softly and his lips so close to yours, Chan's eyes were looking straight in your orbs , your heartbeat stronger than ever.

"Can I?", Chan asked your consent his thumb softly brushing against your lower lip. This man had totally made you insane, something stirred inside you. Chan was perfect he was everything you wished. You gave him a small nod and slowly his lips touched against yours, you wanted to cry, his lips felt so good, he didn't rushed his movements everything was happening in slow motion, he holded you with such a vulnerability like he was afraid that you will go, your hand reached his head, fingers moving through his soft locks. You felt his tongue inside your mouth , you felt a electricity run down your body when the kiss deepened.

We kiss again. The next kiss is the kind that breaks open the sky. It steals my breath and gives it back. It shows me that every other kiss I’ve had in my life has been wrong.

Breaking the kiss Reluctantly in need of air, Chan rested his forehead against yours. He was hot almost like burning, sweating.

"Why are you so nervous, Chan?", You asked Chan hugging him tightly clinging like the last leaf to the tree.

"I am scared, I just love you", He said engulfing you in his arms. And you Finally felt, what real love feels like.

"Love you too", you replied softly.

"Do you wanna continue..?"Chan asked you his tone little less scared.

"Off course", you said looking at him with smile, something inside you told it was okay to let out your freaky side infront of Chan. Chan smiled back and suddenly turned you around , the large bed infront of you.

"Lie down there",Chan whispered in your ears , his low register sending shivers down your spine. This was exactly how you pictured Chan to be, your inner submissive almost died. You followed Chan's word and laid on your back on the bed, now you were feeling like a virgin. His eyes roaming through the room in search of something.

"Are you okay with being blindfolded?", Chan asked you as he came back with the tie he wore today and was rolling it slightly in his palms, and you swear you never saw a man so hot in your entire life. Getting blindfolded was one of your unfulfilled kinks.

"ye- yes", you replied your tone filled with thrill and excitement. Chan came back to you standing near you, his hand softly cupped your cheeks , before bringing the tie to use it in sinistrous way tonight. The cloth felt strange to your eyes, his cologne smell hitting you and Chan caught your shy smile, His heart felt so fluffy. Tieing a comfortable knot Chan sat on bed near your waist. His hands slowly crept near your stomach leaving a direct lingering touch on the sensitive skin, eventually going upwards while giving a little squeeze to add stimulation, his hands reached your boobs, you didn't wore bra, and he wasn't surprised maybe your nipples perked up enough to get noticed, his middle and index finger Rolling your sensitive bundle of nerves, the blindfold making his every touch more intense, your breath was heavy you let out a suprised moan when Chan gropped your right boob in an erotic way, this sole action increasing your wetness down there you were getting impatient. You moaned his name a little loudly when his lips came in contact with your sensitive neck, sucking in a painful way, inorder to leave a hickey.

"Should I touch you here", Chan asked you as his hand reached to your area where you needed him to the most, hands going directly inside your panties ,but not touching he was a teaser.

"yes please", you moaned almost breathlessly too tired of intense foreplay. You just wanted Chan to rip off your clothes and fuck you till sunrise. Getting satisfaction with your answer Chan finally removed every clothing of your lower body, leaving you completely bare, all at his mercy. His finger moved up and down on your opening , the wetness making Chan easily slip his one finger deep inside you.

" my baby is so wet, because of who?", Chan asked you as his finger was moving slowly inside of you and thumb rubbing circles on the bundle of nerves.

"because of.. you", you admitted without any hesitation trying to grind yourself on his hand, begging for more.

"Good", Chan said and without saying anything he added another finger inside you moving a little faster inside your cunt, rubbing your walls with a little pressure, scissoring them inside you painfully and making way for a third finger too and by then you were a complete moaning mess, his fingers were pleasure yet torture the blindfold making your senses weak. Mind full of whatever Cham was giving you. Your legs were shaking sign of your orgasm approaching you, by one hand Chan holded your thighs tightly to their place fingers now moving more faster to make you reach the peak of pleasure.

"Chan.. I--I-I-- wanna cum please", you moaned your little squeaks and begs almost making Chan's cock cum right inside boxers. With some final thrust of his fingers, you cummed the hardest you could imagine, squeaky sounds coming as Chan was fingering you through your orgasm, you almost crying from overstimulation. Moaning his name like a chant.

"you did well",Chan praised you finally removing his fingers from you leaving you empty, but it won't have last wrong. Chan removed your blindfold , the bright lights hurting your eyes, you adjusted your vision and the image of Chan sucking his wet fingers coated with your liquid came directly in front of your eyes. Letting out a helpless whine.

Chan plopped himself on knees on either side of your thighs, finally letting his cock out, leaking with precum, and he was big, thick , you didn't thought he could get even hotter.

"Ready baby?", Chan asked you as he fully undressed himself as well as removing your top, your mind hazey . The scene which you pictured since highschool finally happening.

"yes", you replied Chan, he came down to kiss you passionately and slowly entering inside you. You moaned painfully, tears pulling your vision, it was a painful pleasure. Chan kissed away your tears and hand interlocking with yours after finally being fully inside you he started to move at slow pace.

"you feel so good Chan", almost screaming from pleasure, your whines were fuel to Chan's ego and he increased the pace. Body slapping sound filling the room, his groans were most sexy thing you ever heard. Again and again his tip hitting your deepest spots.

"I am close", you moaned out breathlessly, pleasure becaming too much to handle .you released around his cock, reaching the peak second time at night.

After giving a few more thrusts Chan cummed at your stomach, he was still sane enough to not curse you with kids while being lost in pleasure."I love you", he said as he settled beside you hugging you tightly. This was heaven.

"love you too", you said , your voice a little hoarse.

"by the way I forgot that I bought a ring to propose you", Chan said, realisation hitting him, that he forgot to say the long ass paragraph that he was supposed to say while sitting on one knee. You smiled at his guilty face.

"don't worry, propose me after having shower", you said heart filled with pure joy and happiness . Happiness of knowing that You love someone who will always love you back.

[jiminrings]

petition for stem koo to do all the things for oc he originally said no one does (make her lunchboxes, makes her cheerful...) bc i think that’s a beautiful redemption arc

cold senior!y/n x stem major!koo masterlist :D

jungkook's day one of his redemption agenda doesn't go that well in the end

"namjoon!!! my man. got any updates for me?"

seokjin strolls coolly on the way to his office, hair slicked back and his dress shirt definitely missing more than a few buttons

what's head admin gonna do??? dress-code him???

fire him???? PLS HE'D BE BETTER OFF!!!!

jin makes student affairs his bitch,,, not the other way around

"for the last time, i am nOt your secretary!!" namjoon stresses as he ceases his typing just to glare at him

he's the university registrar and everyone needs to go through him and at this point he's like a historical landmark from how he's made impact in less than two years

and he and seokjin graduated from the same batch!!!! they're the uncanny always pair for the subjects they shared together

it was definitely weird but functional lol cause one is uptight yet hardworking and the other's relaxed yet smart

sue them for working in the same place they swore they'd never go back to after graduation </3

"if you say-"

"some kid's been waiting for you even before i opened the office. made him sit inside but i just told him that he'd be expelled if he even tries to touch your coffee machine."

namjoon says even before jin could finish the sentence, clearly holding that in until the last minute

jin's obviously a lil annoyed because he's starting work as early as now but the way that joon laid all that out on him is a highlight for him

"thanks. knew you're a secretary for me first and a registrar second."

"no. i'm a national citizen before-"

alright alright he's not listening anymore

this bETTER be important because jin has to hold out his morning routine for whoever this kid is

"what can i possibly do for you today?" he rubs his eyes in preparation, intentionally dragging his steps because just looking at how near he is to his work computer gives him vertigo

"mr. kim!!!"

no

there is no way

there is no fATHOMABLE way that this has got to be happening to seokjin right now

"..... jungkook. what a pleasure."

he sits on his chair, voice gritted and monotone and he could just feel his eye twitching, his clenched fist under his deck now flipping off the kid in secret

it's a last-minute realization that he grasps that jungkook doesn't know you're his friend and it presents some really unique vantage points

like the time that seokjin recounted about a ridiculous student's filing for theft of his lunchboxes and he turned out to be your crush

or when he used his student affairs capabilities and pulled up resources left and right when jungkook broke your heart then seriously contemplated about messing up his academic record

or that time when he delivered a high and sleepy you to bed and then heard the entire conversation (if you could even call it that) between yoongi and this fucking nerd

"i need your help, mr. kim. you're the closest one to me i could ask!!" jungkook pleads desperately, the big doe eyes not really inducing an effect on him whatsoever lmao

"mhmm. i may not be the person for the job. counseling is right next door."

jin hums without even attempting to get jungkook to elaborate because for all he knows, his services aren't exactly open for people who hurt his friends >:(

(a guy once bumped shoulders with yoongi twice on the same day with aTTITUDE!!! and seokjin just dismissed the dude's concerns when a prof of his, who's a buddy of jin's, suddenly gave him an F)

seokjin IS student affairs

“no, no. you’re the only one who can help me!! you see, i-i just feel this brotherly connection with you and-“

“we talked once.”

god what did you used to see in this kid??

a crybaby aND an easily-attached personality to him? god it’s like jungkook’s just asking jin to pick on him

jungkook doesn’t seem to pick up how jin’s making it obvious he really doesn’t want to be of help if it has something to do with him

he likes interrupting and jin’s just the perfect match to interrupt him even earlier so now they just sound like one of those dubsmash snippets

“MR. KIM!!! how do you make lunchboxes? i don't know how.”

jeez where are his manners :O aren’t nerds like him supposed to worship the ground that admins walk on,,,

but what did pique his attention is the content of what jungkook just said

.... lunchboxes?

jin doesn’t want to give the kid benefit of the doubt because the last time he did that, you got hurt!!!!

if he has to hear hyeji’s name one more time, he’d really waste no time in stripping jungkook’s name from the honor roll

“remember that time i thought someone was stealing my lunchboxes?” he quizzes jin like it’s his job, clueless how he’s poking the bear even more with where he decides to go with this, “yeah. turns out no one was.”

was that not made clear the first time around!!!!!! he knows for a fact that a uni student would trade a classmate for a pack of gum but nO ONE would go for stealing a lunchbox

no one wakes up one day and decides that they’d steal a lunchbox. literally none

“but then this random girl claimed that it was hers a-and well i-...”

kook pauses to gauge jin’s reaction, clearly seeing now the one brow that’s raised at him

oh so if jungkook just asked him how to make a lunchbox, and he called h-word random,,,, then that would mean-

“i may have hurt the original giver of my lunchboxes at the process.”

.... that means he’s asking how to make a lunchbox for you

well that was a pleasant surprise

seokjin snorts briefly at that, dryly chuckling with his eyes widening to stress out his “non-threat” that’s pretty mUCH a threat

“wow. i might just give you a sanction for that.”

does he think jungkook’s a good person? lol he has to think about that for a month

was he wrong for hurting you that way? ultimately yes

but did he think at some point that jungkook’s completely heartless and wouldn’t try to redeem himself to his senior? no, not completely

but is he still on your team, regardless if the kid begs for mercy and you forgive him? yea a hundred percent :D yoongi and seokjin could never be brought out from your circle

"and you're doing this why?"

this is a no-brainer question for jungkook but the question still spooks him, feeling the chills at his neck that responding to seokjin is like a sTEPPING STONE when it comes to you

lmao if only he knew

"i uh, i just really wanna make this right. i messed up completely and it's pretty much unforgivable, but i atleast wanna try and give my best even if she doesn't forgive me, y'know?"

interesting

"mhmm. right, right."

???

he's still mad but he appreciates that jeon's doing the bare minimum of redeeming himself

speaking of, the poor kid looks like he's pissing himself because he may have just embarrassed himself with how long the silence stretches out

maybe,,, just maybe jin's gonna try and be a bridge this time

but like as soon as jungkook lacks for a fourth of a second, seokjin would BURN that bridge faster than a blink

"well first of all, you buy a lunchbox."

RIGHT RIGHT

:O

jungkook grabs a literal pocket notebook and jin pretends he didn't see that because WHO the hell does that!!!!

"of course... okay, proceed!! i'm taking notes," jungkook nods in understanding, jotting down the very important advice of not ordering from online because you can't smell the material through a screen

p.s. smelling containers before you buy them is a VITAL thing to do!! it already tells you about the quality at the first sniff

"are you buying one?"

"buying one for every day of the week. i'm thinking if i should get extras too-

"good idea. i recommend buying eight."

alright seokjin's mentioning some very specific colors and schemes and jungkook's not complaining!!!

MAYBE HE'S ONTO SOMETHING!!!

"what meals should i make? i don't even know what she likes!! and even if i knew what, how would i make it?"

why is his heart racing

yoongi may have taught you how to do your taxes but jin taught you how to cook food that's more than four steps!!!

he taught you how to not flinch at all when you're frying and that's the equivalent of raising you to be the woman that you are now <3

look at him and yoongi being your best friends!! teaching you about taxes and being unnerved at cooking oil and busting out a smoke ring or two <3

in fact, the lunches you've cooked for jungkook are all inspired and derived by seokjin!!!

the fact that jungkook's plan isn't bad and the way everything pieces together with his insight,,,, goosebumps luv

"....hypothetically? what i think she'd like?"

jungkook eagerly nods with stars in his eyes, fingers gripping onto his pen for dear life as he tries to channel all his listening techniques into this lecture

"get a bigger notepad."

:O

wow

"look at you!!" yoongi gushes the moment he sees you, waiting at you from the front door

you're going back to your classes again :D

you don't look as worse as you did four days ago!! you're not as sluggish and as animated too

"please don't," you snort as yoongi doesn't seem to stop looking at you like you've saved the world, giving no fight when he insists on carrying your backpack to your first class of the day

the past four days,, yeah they were undoubtedly rough

you slept as much as you could and for the moments you weren't dejected enough to be awake, you spent it surrounding yourself with seokjin and yoongi as much as possible

that's the beauty of hanging out them!!! you're not required to have a single thought lmao

except for the time when yoongi wondered aloud how eels even live and die (or if they even do???) in the first place and that sent everyone in a spiral and you didn't think of jungkook for a single seconds

you're not intimidated to go back to regular programming or with the fact that it's nOT unlikely you'd see a glimpse of jungkook in the hall and such

but that does mean that even if you're the bigger person, you're still gonna avoid him for as long as you could

speaking of!!!! you're looking for the person now that you're eager to find

"taehyung!!"

there he is :D you'd recognize that fluffy mop of permed hair anywhere

"y/n!!"

tae jumps over chairs in excitement to finally see you again after being so worried for you, engulfing you in a hug immediately

alright you see why yoongi thinks he's a golden retriever

you're clearly not a touchy-feely person but you'd let this one pass,, tae helped you (even indirectly) throughout your downtime anyways

"thank you so much for the cookies. i tried taking smaller bites just because i didn't wanna have them disappear that easy," you confess sheepishly, knowing how you had to pull the i just got my heart broken like two days ago multiple times so the two menaces would stop stealing from your stash

:D

jungkook's excited!!!! seokjin may have given him a tip that "he felt it in his gut" that you were gonna go to class today

he came a little late because he wanted to perfect the very loaded lunchbox that's in his backpack right now

oh weird

you're not in your usual chair

bUT jungkook sees a glimpse of your hair and he's certain that you're there and his heart may be beating out of his ribcage

a baby peach lunchbox with a sticker (of what seokjin said he thought you'd like) on the middle of the lid :D

pork katsudon with furikake rice aND coffee jelly pudding on the side!!! it was definitely pressure-racking to strictly adhere to jin's recipe but god does it look worth it

jungkook's only did miniature taste tests on it and he had to stop himself from devouring the lunch that he's made specifically for you

the lunchbox itself is tied neatly with a silk wrap, adding his touch of sewing your name visibly on it aND there's a scribble taped to the lid too

god jungkook really can't wait to make it up to you

sheesh that was one of THEE longest lectures you've ever felt you had

it was actually the same amount of time it's always been but maybe you've been out of practice from just staying at your dorm for days

tae's great company but he could be a little bit chatty!!! you just nod when you feel his voice go up and he apparently gets excited by that easily

.... he apparently also has a small bladder and he told you that within the whole hour of class

"hold on. i gotta pee before next period. go without me!!!' taehyung hurriedly slings his backpack to his arm, looking ridiculous in a rush

tae's sometimes unintentionally funny because you don't even share next period anyways

you're on your way to the exit when a shiny scarf catches the corner of your eye, having to squint at it because wow does it look pretty

is that-

is that your nAME???

you pick it up before you could even rationalize it, realizing then what it was wrapping when you feel the warmth on your hands

:")

"sorry i forgot my headband!!!"

taehyung stumbles back into the room, catching his breath to run back to his seat and fetch the headband he took from his hair to play with awhile ago

he looks shocked to see what's on your hands, flicking his gaze between you and the item but he doesn't think much of it

wOW that's a really shiny scarf!!!

"tae?"

"hmm yeah? what's up?"

he's about to jog back to the comfort room because he hasn't really relieved himself yet, not bearing to leave his headband in the room when anyone could snatch it up

you raise your lunchbox, a thankful gaze on your eyes that looks so close to crying which is why tae's mORE than lost now

"thanks for the lunch."

..

.....

jungkook could only helplessly watch.

[data-draws]

I'm sorry for this spam/rant but I have no other outlets...

I know to a lot of you this is going to sound super pretentious and cringey, but I mean this with my whole heart. Watching Sandman with my parents has shown me just how pathetically different we are as people, I mean, down to the very morals and way we view life. It may be hyperbole to suggest that it was sandman alone that made me realize this rift between us, but it was definitely the straw that broke the camels back. I have been trying for YEARS to talk my parents out of their extremely small minded view of the world, and I've definitely made progress, looking back it becomes clear to me that the progress I have made is only because it has become socially popular to be performatively progressive, when I came out as transgender, my mother literally mourned me, I was sitting in front of her and she started crying because she, and I quote "thought I had killed my daughter" how fucking pathetic and selfish of a mindset is that? It gets worse, even after their supposed later acceptance of me they are still very clearly *yet subtley* racist and homophobic, my father goes on rants about how there are too many interacial couples and gay people in the media these days, how its unrealistic and if they genuinely wanted to have representation it shouldn't be visible or should be literally the exact. same. percentage. as the percentage of minorities there are in society, meaning he wants only 12% of all media to show black characters because in the country we live in there are only 12% of black people in the larger population. it gets worse though. we sat down and watched episode five together, in the back of my mind I knew they were going to hate it and say something about it. so after it ended I decided to try and explain some of it, you know, atleast some of the BASIC metaphors and imagery used throughout the franchise to try and quell what I knew would be a bigoted throw of hatred if I didn't. my father left before I could start, but my mother instantly pulled up facebook and mentally clocked out, I continued talking though, giving her the benefit of the doubt and hoping she was still listening, she of course. obviously fucking wasn't and im an idiot for having this much faith in them for so long, I called her out on this and she repeated what I had said to "prove" that she was listening, except she twisted up my words to mean the opposite of what I was trying to get across, I then explained that what she repeated told me that she actually wasn't listening, she was just pretending to, and only "hearing" me, not absorbing a single word that came out of my mouth. I could continue ranting, and I actually want to, but now that the rage that I had internalized is subsiding to sadness and embarrassment I wont. I'm actually disgusted I was raised by these people, they can't have ONE FUCKING CRITICAL THOUGHT. its so exhausting being around them, I have to sidestep major misinformation and lies nearly everyday and pretend for their sake because they are highly spiritual so if I say anything that even somewhat questions their ridiculous pseudoscience I get blasted and shamed and embarrassed publicly, if I ever invite them to have a conversation beyond simply "dunking on the other guy" politically and repeating half-truths and propaganda they look at me like im an extremist and once again intentionally misinterpret my words to make me seem like a genocidal maniac. im fucking sick of this, why do I still hang around them when they can't understand the absolute bare minimum of what it means to be a real human being? I've met literal. ACTUAL 12 YEAR OLDS WHO HAVE BETTER CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS. im so exhausted and dumbfounded that I ever deluded myself into believing they were anything more than the farcical watered down image that I was trained to become. I'm glad I failed to be like them, they're genuinely horrid people. and the worst part is, they think because they aren't cult-members/terrorist sympathizers like my grandparents, they think they're amazing people, they genuinely don't register that they have severe moral failings.

[coldflame96]

Get in loser, we’re going shopping!

Summary: Before his second date with Tohru, Uotani and Hanajima stage a fashion intervention 

Rating: T

Also on AO3 and FF.net. 

Of all the people he'd expected to run into outside Shishou's dojo, it definitely wasn't Wave Girl and the yankee.

"Yo!" Uotani saluted, Hanajima silent beside her.

He furrowed his brow. "Tohru's not here."

"Yeah, we know."

"So why are you here?"

"For you."

....That never meant anything good. And he did not like the gleam in their eye.

Were they finally going to kill him…?

He made to bolt but felt two sets of arms loop through his own, halting him in place.

"O-oi! Let go!" He squirmed.

"Nah, you're coming with us."

"Coming with you where?" His voice cracked in annoyance. "And why can't you just ask like a normal person?"

"We knew you'd say no," Hanajima finally spoke, voice as monotone as ever. "And that would simply not be an acceptable answer."

Uotani's grip tightened as she started practically dragging him away. "Come on, Carrots, this'll be over quicker the less you struggle."

He twitched in irritation. He'd wanted to spend time with Tohru before Yuki got home.

"I'm sure Tohru-kun can spare you for a few hours. You do live together after all, do you not?"

Was this girl actually a mind reader? He never could tell.

He slumped in defeat. He wasn't gonna win this, was he? And it's not like he could fight a girl, let alone two of them. He wasn’t a scumbag.

"Can you atleast tell me where we're going?"

"You'll find out when we get there."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"A department store," he said flatly.

"Yep!" Uotani popped the p. "We're taking you shopping, Kyon!"

"For what?"

"You and Tohru-kun have a date tomorrow, do you not?" Hanajima cocked her head.

"Yeah, why?" And then he recoiled. "Don't tell me you two are planning on coming again."

"Sorry to disappoint, but you’re on your own this time," Uotani said sarcastically. "There's only so much of the goo-goo eyes I can take."

He blushed. "Don't say it like that." But then he furrowed his brow. "And what does that have to do with why we're at a department store?"

"My, he really is quite dense, isn't he?" Hanajima said.

He twitched in annoyance which only increased as Uotani gave him a scornful look. "Seriously, Carrots? You need clothes to wear on a date."

"I have clothes at home."

"Those don't count!"

"Why don't they?"

“Because after what you wore to the zoo, we don’t trust your decisions.”

He bristled. “What was wrong with what I was wearing?! We were outside and it was comfortable!"

“You looked like you just rolled out of bed. No effort at all. You’re lucky Tohru’s nice.”

“Whatever,” he scoffed, "She doesn't care what I wear.”

"You think so?" Hanajima asked him skeptically, giving him an unreadable look.

Tohru didn’t care...did she? She had worn a dress but she was always wearing stuff like that. Should he have put more effort in? Did she actually hate how he looked? Did she put her two friends up to this because she didn’t wanna tell him herself?

"Well," Uotani clapped his shoulder, interrupting his spiral, "Let's get started. I have a shift in 2 hours."

"Great," he said unenthusiastically, as the two women steered him towards the men's aisle.

He sat on the nearby bench and listened as they rustled through hangers. This brought back memories. Last time he'd come to a clothes store was when they were buying that swimsuit for Tohru. His face heated a bit at the memory. She really had been cute in it. Just wish I’d gotten to tell her that..

"Kyon, what size are you?" Uotani called, breaking him out of his daydream.

"I dunno. Large, maybe?"

A pause. "How do you not know your own size?"

"I don't buy clothes. Look, just take a guess and pick something. I don't care."

She stood in front of him, menacing. "What kind of attitude is that when we're kindly taking the time out of our day to help you?!"

"I never asked you to!" He yelled back, outraged.

"Don't tell me you're one of those guys who thinks they’re too good to go clothes shopping!”

"How awful," Hanajima said unhelpfully.

"It's got nothing to do with that!" Up until a couple months ago, he never expected to need any. "I just don't really buy things," he settled on saying instead. "It's a pain."

"Isn’t your family like super rich though?"

He tsked. "That's got nothing to do with me.."

"How intriguing." Hanajima put a finger to her chin. "The Sohma family remains a mystery."

They were both silent for a minute before Uotani punched her fist. "Well, it's decided then!"

"What's decided?" He asked warily, even though he knew he was gonna regret it.

"This shopping trip is on us!" And he was right.

"I'm not some charity case," he said scornfully, "and you should be saving your money for yourself."

"We're not doing this out of pity, you idiot, we're doing it because we're your friends."

He blinked. That was the first time they'd referred to him as a friend and he was...kinda touched.

"Well, thanks, but no thanks. Like I said, I have clothes at home and Tohru doesn't really worry about things like that."

"Perhaps not," Hanajima agreed, "but don't you think she would be happy knowing you wanted to look nice for her? It's only the bare minimum of what she deserves."

……………...

Goddammit.

Uotani slapped his back and he jumped. "Yeah, don't think of it as buying yourself stuff. Think of it as a gift for Tohru."

He did wanna look good for her. He wanted to give her everything he could. She deserved the world.

"Fine, you win."

Uotani grinned. "Oh this is gonna be fun!" And then she started dragging him away.

He released his arm from her grip. "Look, if we're gonna do this, then I get the final say-so. It would be stupid for you to spend money on something I hate."

Uotani blinked. "Huh. That's weirdly thoughtful of you."

“What do you mean 'weirdly'?”

"Alright, let's narrow down colors.” She completely changed the subject.

“Oi, don’t ignore me.”

“What's your favorite color?"

“I said don’t-” His annoyance was replaced with confusion. His favorite color? He’d never really thought about it… “Um...Orange…?"

She made an X with her hand. "Denied."

"Why?"

"Your hair is orange. It would clash."

He furrowed his brow. "But if they're both orange-"

"Hanajima, what do you think?" She asked the girl next to her, ignoring him again.

"Black," Hanajima said passively.

"Of course you would say that," he muttered.

"No wait, she's got a point." Uotani put her hands into a square, and peered through it. "Your hair is already bright so black would actually be a really good contrast." She set her hands down. "Do you like black, Kyon?"

He owned a few black things. "I...guess?"

"Okay, so black’s an option. We're getting somewhere. What other colors? How about blue?" Blue made him think of Yuki and he wrinkled his nose. He saw Uotani snort and then say, "Okay, no blue then. Shame. I think you'd look good in a navy. Or maybe a midnight."

She was being weirdly nice to him today and it made him uneasy. But this was for Tohru, right? Would Tohru like blue? She wore blue sometimes, so maybe she would.

"I guess…" he scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment, "a darker blue would be okay."

“That’s the spirit!” She slung an arm over his shoulders that he had to shrug off. Hanajima was already sifting through racks.

“What about this?” She held up what looked like a conservative turtleneck sweater.

He raised an eyebrow. “Are you joking?”

“What’s wrong with it?” Uotani asked defensively. “It would make you look artsy.”

“I’m not ‘artsy’ and when have I ever worn anything like that?”

“Are you dumb? The point of this is to find things you wouldn’t wear normally. Because, y’know, you wanna actually look good for once”

They were really testing his patience. And he didn’t have a lot to begin with. “Are you dumb? It’s the middle of summer!” He fired back. “Plus, I hate collars. I wouldn’t be caught dead in that.”

“Shall we test that theory?” Hanajima asked, an evil look in her eye.

“Please don’t.”

Uotani looked like she just had a revelation. “Huh. So is that why you don’t wear a tie with your uniform? Because you hate collars?”

“I don’t really like anything around my neck.”

“Wow. And here I thought you were just going for the ‘cool delinquent’ look.”

“I’m not you.”

“Hah?!” She glared at him. “And what’s that supposed to mean? You wanna fight or somethin’?”

He wasn’t gonna rise to that bait. “I don’t fight girls and you’re just proving my point.”

“Arisa,” Hanajima called, “We’re running out of time.”

Uotani blinked. “Oh, right.” And then like nothing happened, she mumbled, “So no collars then. Got it.”

And then she picked up what looked like a shirt that could fit a child. “What about this?”

“Now you’re just screwing with me.”

“Aww, c’mon, it could be like a crop top. You’re like a black belt or whatever, right?” She made to jab his side and he dodged. “You gotta have some muscle. If you show off some ab, you might get lucky.”

His face heated up. “Oi, stop saying things like that in public! You really have no shame at all, do you?”

She rolled her eyes. “Y’know for someone who apparently never goes shopping, you’re a real pain in the ass to buy clothes for.”

“Good,” he responded sarcastically, “Can I leave then?”

She grabbed his sleeve to keep him in place. “Yeah, no. But nice try though.”

“Nothing here is suitable,” Hanajima said matter of factly. “We should go to a different section. Perhaps the one over there?” And she pointed towards the right corner, where he saw an assortment of mannequins with crisp button-downs on display.

Uotani nodded. “Good call!” And then she tugged on his sleeve like he was an unruly child. “C’mon, Kyon, let’s go.”

He followed after in defeat. He could be pretending to do his homework with his girlfriend right now..

Uotani grabbed what looked like a black button down and held it up against him. “This could be nice.”

“I have a black shirt like that at home,” he said, hoping maybe that could get him out of this.

She curled her lip in disgust. “This isn’t black, Kyon, this is midnight blue.”

He furrowed his brow. “What the hell’s the difference? It looks black to me.”

“Ugh, you really don’t know anything about clothes, do you?”

“I told you I didn’t!”

“Disgraceful,” Hanajima said disdainfully from behind. “How shameless of you to get this color confused for black.”

Why is she acting like I insulted her, personally?

“I do feel insulted,” she responded.

He jolted. “Quit doing that!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After getting a bundle of clothes shoved in his arms and essentially pushed into a dressing room with a “Kyon, try this on”, he’s just been sitting in this stall for the past 10 or so minutes. It wasn’t ideal, but atleast it was peaceful. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d really bought clothes for himself like this. He would normally just pick it from the rack and leave.

He checked himself out in the mirror. It was...not bad, actually, but he couldn‘t admit that or he would never hear the end of it. That button down from earlier that they swore was blue (it looked black to him), a light gray V-neck and some tan pants (what’d they call it? Corduroy?) that were a bit tighter than he was used to, but not unbearable.

“Oi!” He heard Uotani call from outside obnoxiously. “Are you dead in there?”

He rolled his eyes and sighed. He could just ignore her, but she would probably barge in here and drag him out and he wanted to keep whatever tiny bit of dignity he had left.

He slumped through the curtains. They both just stared at him, without saying anything, and it made him wanna crawl out of his skin. Uotani circled around him like he was a trophy on display and then started rolling up the sleeves of his shirt up to his elbows.

She circled around him again, narrowing her eyes and then whistled. “Wow. We should’ve done this a long time ago. Hanajima, what do you think?”

“Indeed. I can almost see the appeal.”

He scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment. “Well, glad I got your approval I guess-” and then his brain caught up. “Wait.” He glared at Hanajima. “What do you mean ‘almost’?”

She gave him a blank stare. “Which part was confusing?”

“What do you care anyway?” Uotani chimed in before he could retort, “It’s not like you’re dating us.”

“Thank God for that,” he muttered.

Uotani gave him a flat look, but thankfully, didn’t hit him. “Well, that outfit’s a winner. Let’s go find some more.”

What. “More?” he asked in disbelief.

“Well, yeah, you can’t live with only one outfit, Kyon.”

He stood in front of her, blocking the way. “No way, I only agreed to the one. And besides, didn’t you say you had a shift? We’ve already been here for over an hour.”

She shrugged, easily walking by him. “True, but now that we’ve narrowed down what you’d actually wear, it should be easy enough to find things that are similar.”

He grimaced. “Look, I don’t need you to-”

“Will you stop fretting?” She cut him off. “Geez, you’re almost as bad as Tohru. Just let us do something nice for you.”

He didn’t wanna have to owe any favors to these people.

“We don’t have any ulterior motives if that’s what you’re wondering,” Hanajima said, in response to his thoughts.

“Seriously, stop doing that,” he groaned, “It’s creepy as hell.”

This was a losing battle. He sighed and just followed them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He heard whispering behind him and out of the corner of his eye, saw a group of girls all whispering and giggling to each other.

“C’mon, go talk to him,” he heard one whisper.

“No, I can’t,” he heard another one, “What if one of those girls is his girlfriend?”

He glowered at that. Why did people just assume things like that? It pissed him off.

“Oi,” he heard Uotani next to him, “Those hot girls over there are checking you out.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, they’ve been there for like 5 minutes. So?” Since when has he ever cared about that?

She gave him a surprised look. Did she think he hadn’t noticed?

“Huh. You really don’t have eyes for anyone except Tohru, do you?” He thought that was obvious. “Hmm, well, that’s good. Atleast we don’t have to worry about you cheating.”

He bristled. “You have some nerve! I would never do that.”

“Correct,” Hanajima agreed, and then she got a sinister look. “Because if you did, terrible things might happen to you.”

He blanched. “I get it. Please stay away from me.”

He thought they would go their separate ways after that, but they insisted on walking him home.

“Why are you coming?”

“Hmm? What’s that tone?” Uotani started grabbing his face, squeezing it. “We just wanna make sure no one tries to kidnap that pretty face.”

He roughly pushed her arm away. “Get off me! And I don’t need two girls to protect me!”

“Then how about just allowing us to accompany you so that we might say hi to Tohru-kun?” Hanajima asked.

“I-” He sighed, “Whatever, do what you want I guess.”

It was when they came inside, he saw Tohru sitting at the table, doing what looked like homework.

“Oh! Kyo-kun!” She got up to grab his shirt around his waist. “Kunimitsu-san said you left a while ago so I was starting to get worried.” And then she seemed to notice the two other people behind him. “Uo-chan? Hana-chan? What’s going on?”

“Someone was trying to kidnap Kyon so we rescued him.”

Tohru paled. “Heh? Kidnap?”

“Don’t lie to her, you’re gonna freak her out.” And then he flatly said, “They hijacked me.”

“Who’s lying now?” Uotani made to chop him in the head, but he dodged. “We took your boyfriend on a little shopping trip.” And then she winked which made him reassess his ‘no hitting girls’ policy. “You’re welcome.”

Tohru just furrowed her brow in confusion which was really fucking adorable and he had to resist every urge in his body to not kiss her. Not in front of those two. “Um...shopping trip for what?”

“Well, our job is done!” She patted him on the back. Hard . “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

Hanajima actually smiled. “Have fun tomorrow, Tohru-kun.”

Tohru lit up, confusion over the shopping trip forgotten. “Oh, thank you!”

And just as suddenly as they had appeared in front of him earlier, they were gone, and he slumped. Those two were exhausting.

“Um, Kyo-kun?” He heard and saw that she looked a bit worried. “Did you guys...get along okay?”

Well, he made it back alive and intact so… “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Oh, good. What did you talk about?”

He shrugged. “Nothing much.” And then seeing his opportunity, he smirked. “They told me how you spilled on what a terrible boyfriend I am.”

“Heh?!” Her face went red as a firetruck and she started babbling, “I didn’t-I wouldn’t- um- please believe me I-”

She is so cute. He bent down to kiss her nose. “Calm down, I was kidding.”

She closed her mouth, but her face was still beet red. “You’re always teasing me,” she pouted.

“That’s because it’s easy,” he patted her head, “And you like it, don’t you?”

She averted her eyes out of embarrassment, which only made his own grin wider. She cleared her throat. “That’s a big shopping bag.”

“Hmm?” And then looked down at the bag he was still holding, full of a few different outfits that those two women had strongarmed him into. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

“What’s in it?”

His first urge was to just show her since she asked, but something held him back. He had gone on that nightmare, allowed Uotani and Hanajima to treat him like their own personal toy...he wasn’t gonna let that go to waste. He was gonna milk it for all it was worth.

“Can’t tell you,” he said to her look of curiosity. “It’s a surprise.”

“Surprise, huh?” she mumbled to herself, and he braced himself when he saw the gleam in her eyes.

“Ha!” she shouted, as she swiped for the bag only to be met with air as he switched it to the other hand. Her look of confusion was precious.

He chuckled, “You didn’t actually think you were being sneaky, did you?”

She huffed in defeat and he would always cherish seeing this part of her. The childish part. “Will I get to see one day?”

“Yep. Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” she perked up. “Sounds exciting.” Her eyes widened as she looked at something behind him. “Oh my gosh, it’s 6 already? I gotta start dinner.”

“Did you want help?” he offered. Any time spent with her was worth it.

She grinned. “Nope! I think you would just be more of a distraction actually. I can handle it.”

He froze, feeling warm all of a sudden. A...distraction? Was she...hitting on him?

“Oi, you can’t just say things like that so casually.” It’s not good for my heart.

She cocked her head innocently. A little too innocently. “Huh? What do you mean?”

She was definitely baiting him...and he so badly wanted to go for it, but Shigure was probably in his room listening like the creep he was and Rat Boy would be home any second if he wasn’t already.

“Nevermind,” he sighed out, “I’m gonna go upstairs.”

“Oh, okay.” And then she pecked his cheek. “I’ll call you when dinner’s ready.”

He grunted in acknowledgement, his face still burning.

In the two years he’s known her, he would’ve never pegged her as such a flirt.

He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t into it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He assessed himself in the mirror critically. He wasn’t stupid, he knew he wasn’t bad-looking, but was this really the kind of look Tohru would be into? What if he went through that shopping trip of Hell just for her to tell him it never mattered?

A light knock on the door. “Kyo-kun, I’m heading downstairs,” came her sweet, muffled voice.

He sighed. Why was he acting like a scared little kid anyway? It wasn’t like this was their first date. And they’d already agreed to spend their lives together. He had nothing to worry about, not with her, even though there was a tiny part that kept reminding him he didn’t deserve her in the first place.

He opened the door to find the hallway blissfully empty. Shigure was probably at the main estate doing god knows what (and he really didn’t wanna know) and Yuki was at his girlfriend's place...or something. It really wasn’t his job to keep track of them.

He saw her standing by the front door and felt his breath leave him. She was wearing a dress he’d never seen before (was it new?); it was a light pink and modest, but her shoulders were completely exposed, the usual sleeves resting over her upper arms. His eyes wandered below the shoulders, noting how it curved around her chest and conformed to her waist, ending just above her knees, leaving most of her smooth, fair skin on display. Damn, she’s so-  

“Kyo-kun, are you alright?”

“That dress…” was all he managed to say. “Where’d you get it?”

“Oh! Um- Uo-chan and Hana-chan got it for me as a birthday present.” Those two bought her this? Tohru looked away shyly. “Do you like it? I thought it might be too much but they were insistent and-”

He surged forward to kiss her to cut her off. He broke away quickly before it could get heated, and stroked her lips with his thumb. “You’re really beautiful.”

Her face went so red he thought she would combust and paired with that dress, it was so, so endearing and he was half-tempted to just say ‘fuck the date’ and keep her here while they were alone.

She pushed his face away gently, trying to hide her own. “D-Don’t look at me like that while being so nice. You’ll make me not want to leave.”

Oh really?

“Hmm?” he teased, “What do you mean by that?”

“Nothing,” she lied. But then she recovered, though her cheeks were still pink. “You look really handsome in this, Kyo-kun. Is this what you were doing with Uo-chan and Hana-chan?”

“Something like that.” And then he smirked. “What, are you saying I’m not handsome normally?”

“What? No, of course not! You always are! What I meant was-”

He set his fist on her hair gently. “It’s fine, dummy, I’m just teasing.” Hearing her confirm it with no hesitation did make something warm spark in his chest though.

She didn’t respond and when he looked down, he saw her eyes roving up his body. Very slowly. And that warm feeling turned into something hot.

“I suppose I’ll have to thank Uo-chan and Hana-chan later, won’t I?” she said, her voice low and breathy.

“I guess we both do.” He grabbed her hand, kissing the tips of her fingers lightly, watching as her dark eyes stayed fixated. “You ready to go?”

“Yes,” she whispered and as he opened the door for her, allowing her to step in front of him, he was starting to think he owed those two women a favor after all.

Maybe he could give them flowers or something..

[wellthatwasaletdown]

I think some Harries were upset last night.

Seen around the web, actually one blog that was fire, lol. To be fair, the mod was posting differing opinions until it got to be too much and boiled over. The blog, which believes HO is PR only, is critical of Harry but they're still a Harry fan so in the end it went back to gatekeeping because the other posters wanted to protect Harry from meanies and evil spirits.

*****

Here we go:

"Multimillionaires who work a few days a year and are professional performers should be able to shine it on for an hour and not act repulsed by their fans who pay their bills" 

"good god how many times am i gonna see a harrie get butthurt over “negativity toward harry😣🥺”

- No lies were told here.

*****

"He barely rehearsed that’s why he’s forgetting lyrics too

at this many shows??? LV, st louis and now philly, it seemed like he was mumbling the words of his own songs rather than singing them. adding up to these rushed ass performances, i feel sorry for the fans spending so much money for this tour, in the middle of a pandemic even"

*****

"He’s touring FOR US"

- This made me laugh so hard.

The response is GOLD:

"you're american and it shows in your logic. shows got cancelled without a word in other places but you wouldn’t care unless it happened to you. he wasn’t even going to tour in my country so really either way i wouldn’t care but the american mentality is so self righteous that you refuse to think of anyone else. i actually mentioned that social media interaction is the bare minimum and harry still doesn’t even make that special for fans. there’s a whole world outside of those 50 states if you woke up. and so what if holivia made me realize i’m too far up his ass? atleast i realized so i can stop putting him on a pedestal he doesn’t deserve to be on."

*****

Harries have shown themselves to be hypocrites. So I wouldn't be surprised if the outrage is only temporary, pending Harry releasing nudes or dropping a single or ugly merch or giving a generic speech about something that doesn't mean anything. Then it will be all, "I love him, daddy" Which 🤮

[kehideni]

I think it’s time i rant why i ship the Commander with Caithe.

And not specifically MY commander, but the general commander character. (which is why i don’t care that my Commander happens to be male)

I don’t even know where to start... i guess for clarifications:

I personally don’t feel either way for Caithe. I guess i like her but she wouldn’t be on my top 10-20 favourit character list.

When i first played Guild Wars 2(yes my main character is my first ever character) i played through with the mindset that i am this charr and i will make the choices that i think will save the most lives(lel.... later on i learned it didn’t matter). So when i plowed through the personal story of the Commander i was in the mindset of “I AM A CHARR!!! AND IN THIS WORLD OF CONSTANT BATTLE I AM THE DEADLIEST WEAPON OF ALL!” (also mild Denalien influence but Denalien is intertvined with my being so... let’s not go into that)

I LOVED that Rytlock was badass and unflinching and angry i guess in simpler way: Charr = GW2′s version of orks(WoW) which means Rytlock = Thrall but actually badass.

By pure coincidence i made the choices that made me meet with mainly charr characters and it made me believe it’s because i chose charr that i meet charr. Later on i learned that... no... i just chose the paths that made me meet charr.

Queue in the story instances from 10 to 80, and past-kehideni notices a pattern. Rytlock is not the one that your character connects to the most.

I know, the letters you get are all from Rytlock when you are a charr, but the one other person Arenanet pushes your Commander to connect with is- you guessed it- Caithe.

Twilight Arbor- now you would argue Rytlock Logan and Caithe but Rytlock leaves before you start fighting any nightmare court and Logan after just a bunch of spiders. Canonically, it’s just the Commander and Caithe. Nothing actually that i’d noticed when playing through because the Commander only asks questions from Caithe that i’d want to know anyway. However this instance literally has established a connection between the two that later on gets referenced in a throwaway speechline with someone you’ll be surprised by. We’ll get to that.

Sorrow’s Embrace- Eir, Zojja and Caithe: the Commander asks Caithe for information (of course, who else. Not like they can ask Zojja at that moment, but these are all just starting off things)

Honor of the Waves- Eir and Caithe: the Commander tells Caithe to shut up and let Eir come to the right conclusion herself which makes me laugh to this day xD (This is where my personal meme comes from “Shut up, Kyle Caithe!”)

Ruined city of Arah- the Commander sasses Caithe. Basically in the story instances the Commander and Caithe work towards the same goal, to reunite Destiny’s Edge.

Things happen in the between though: There is this quest where Trahearne and the Commander enter a vision of the Pale Tree. In there, the Pale Tree tells the Commander that they MUST reunite Destiny’s Edge and this is where Twilight Arbor greets back a bit. 

When you walk past the members you hear them talk to each other, blame each other.

Caithe however stands out because she isn’t talking with one of her friends, she talks to Faolain. The crazy part is that in this vision you are not supposed to AND can’t talk to any vision-npc.... that is except for Faolain herself. But let’s see what happened beforehand:

Narratively speaking when a character says they are alone and tired, it’s supposed to elicit protectiveness from the viewer and/or empathy.

“So here i am a bulky a** charr, why is her love life any of my buisness?” - very emotional quote from kehideni of the past

Aaaaaha... sure whatever you say Trahearne, but wait.. because here comes the kicker. The ACTUAL kicker where past-kehideni went 

“Wait jus- hold on just a minute here...”

Faolain that was awfully possessive of you, i’m a big a** charr. What competition would i be in this future-vision to you? And then the Commander says “I won’t let Caithe fall into nightmare.”

A little bit of extra:

“Pft... whatever... you’re just her ex.” says the Commander. :v

In Arah Caithe thanks you for saving Destiny’s Edge (also interestingly she is the chosen companion npc as she’s the one that resses you if you get downed) and at the end of the fight she says that all of Tyria is in the Commander’s debt. Ok ... casual stuff. She’s been thanking the Commander left and right that day. As if she didn’t drive home the fact that she’s grateful she thanks the Commander once again at the end party and also is the one to suggest the Commander should go after the rest of the Elder Dragons too.

The next you meet her is the Aetherblade path in Twilight Arbor, the narrative distances Caithe from the Commander. By this time canonically they are friends, duh. So it’s like a friend has a side the Comm didn’t know so far. Nothing interesting yet, let’s hurry on.

She attends the summit, of course she does. You can’t talk with her.

In Echoes of the Past Comm saves her, their talk is still friendly but distanced. I do want to note that Canach and Caithe are so similar in attitude xD

Tangled Paths: Comm goes up to her to talk and she says “don’t mind me” and proceeds to follow you around and friendly-mocks you as “boss”. We know NOW why, but not back then. This is important because not long before this i realised that the Comm can’t possibly be me. It’s MassEffect’s case of Commander Shepard. You controll them but they are their own character and your choices have only slight weight in the story because the Commanders’ choices are already set in stone by the actual writers. What you CAN do is write the WHY parts, and this is soon the part where my writing interferes with actual canon but you’ll see my reasonings.

When the Comm talks with Caithe she’s the most civil with them among their allies. (We later learn it was to keep the Comm. in the dark.)

The beauty of this scene is that Caithe WILL learn why a mother can’t keep their eyes off of their children.

“Is that a problem?” “Not for me.” Still can take this line as civil but kinda funny line in hindsight. (Get it? Because it will be a problem for them.)

So Caithe’s betrayal happens, and the Comm is FURIOUS!

Lol my charr is too tall, but the shot was meant to place the Comm face to face with Caithe because in the next shot she looks them in the eye and goes for the egg.

When Marjory notes that Caithe is a Sylvari the Comm goes defensive “So? What are you trying to say?” Their friend would never do that- is what narratively they want to convey, but later on in HoT the Comm reacts so harshly to her betrayal i took the wheel a bit.

I mean let’s add up what the Comm knows: Mordremoth created the sylvari, he has mental access to them, he can mind controll them, fool them if they are too strongwilled to do his bidding. Caithe is a sylvari with a strong will. If she betrayed them it’s not of her free mind. It’s like the victim-blaming when a girl gets drugged and they take her body to do as they please. Try as she might she wasn’t clear in the head but she made it clear later on that she didn’t want to betray the Comm. Why would she after all she can be thankful for to the Comm?

So what gives? Well in my mind, the only way to rectify Anet’s nonsense writing(they should really stop reading GW2 reddit forums, not a good place to be influenced with) is to give the Comm a reason to take it to heart a bit too much, say... if they were harboring feelings for her. In my mind it adds up.

So HoT happens, and Caudecus is making his move.

Where next you meet Caithe: Out of the Shadows. (fitting title for her, huh?)

I’m just gonna link the video with timestamp, that whole part is reconciling:

https://youtu.be/AABguDwhieE?t=2612

At this point the writing of GW2 seems to take a chillpill so i go with the flow. The Comm realising that he overreacted inspects himself: Why? This is the part the Comm realises that “oh sheet, they got them feels.”

Aurene hatches, Caithe is there.

The first time the Comm is voiced in LW and he jokes around with a character it’s with Caithe.

Comm: “I’d feel better if someone i knew was watching the chamber.”

Caithe fishing for the one line that would reassure her that the Comm talking with her actually means that they are ok with her now: “Someone you trust?”

Comm: “Yeah, so... could you ask Taimi to get her right away?”

Caithe relieved her relationship with Comm is safe: “You’re joking with me, i take that as a good sign.” They talk around a bit more, they are healing and that’s adorable.

Later on she thanks the Comm for letting her prove herself to them by looking out for Aurene.

Path of Fire happens, she’s like throwaway-ly mentioned by Taimi.

I was all, “Well, goodbye Caithe you got Zojja’d, it was a good headcannon while it lasted” but THENNNNNNN ARENANET THROWS ME THIS

Like... are you fkin’ kidding me. This line alone means that she’s been stalking the Commander IN STEALTH ATLEAST since they met Zafirah in Sun’s Refuge!!! THE BARE MINIMUM SHE SAW FROM STEALTH WAS THE COMM GOING IN ON A SUICIDE MISSION, HOW ABOUT SOME HELP YOU CONNIVING VEGETAB- sorry... my personal annoyance at her came out.

Back to story, after this All or Nothing happens where the Comm and Caithe are confirmed parents of Aurene. When Aurene branded Caithe only the Comm asked if she was still herself, not even Rytlock nor Logan, the actual two people who know her longest. The Comm and Caithe are constantly paralleled next to Aurene as her “champions” because dragons apparently don’t have parental bonds*sarcasm* :V

Requiem happens and Rytlock himself says he sees it now. Coincidentally as of writing this he is going through the very same trauma Caithe and Comm went through when Aurene died.

Caithe calls for Comm to return to her because she needs them, and the Comm tells everyone they should go and spend whatever time they have with people they love. Implying that Aurene is who Comm loves but then again Caithe is there too. The 3 of them were going to spend the last of their lives with each other. (not saying they don’t love the rest of the group, but had they decided to leave, the 3 would still stay together.)

As from War Eternal to till now their co-parental connection is getting stronger.

[therodrigator6]

Hey there, I'm the recent anon who talked about whether C is unredeemable, and I just want to thank you for your detailed response! This isn't a rebuttal but just to add on to what you said - if they indeed made this show for the average C, then isn't it a little sad that they seemed to have forgotten about the average A and wound up glossing over C's abuse? I mean, if we replace C with a man, wouldn't C//A skirt too close to the "love the violent man away" trope..? Sorry if I don't make sense!

Oh my god, I’m so SO sorry for such a delayed response. I’ve been obsenely busy these past few days.

I think I do get what you’re trying to say, yes.

OOF, it’s a bit of a tough thing for me to say or give some kind of... determinant answer on the matter.

Here’s what I think, though. She-Ra was a generally ambitious show in what it tried to represent and regard, onscreen and within it’s overall storyline.

And on many ways, the way in which all of these things are tackled, is lacking or is bare minimum. Themes of War, Abuse, The Cycle of Abuse, Morality, ROMANCE, Toxicity, Trauma, Friendship, etc.  A lot of it is face value, it’s THERE, its mentioned, but its not explored or challenged.

She-Ra is a difficult show, or atleast it is for me, to critique or judge in a negative way because, the importance of what it managed to do, of what it managed to put onscreen is FAR transcendant of whatever it tried to tell, and I believe the writers knew of this, and was at the forefront of their minds and goals.

I believe She-Ra as a show, with shortcommings or not in it’s writing, would do it’s best to PUT THAT KISS, ONSCREEN, no matter what was necessary to sacrifice, narratively. It was also very easy, and very personal to make a character like Catra HAVE a happy, uplifting ending.

To ME, or you, well yeah, it’s extremely disheartening to see a story that dealt with all of these things, specially abuse and toxicity take such a one-sided, black and white stance on it. It’s VERY comfortable for Catra.

Some people have been asked WHY it is that one could possibly not... sympathize or empathize fully with Catra, for example. My answer has always been that writing wise, the show focused TOO MUCH on the pain Catra was feeling for herself? And how she’d inflict it back on others. But it seldom gave itself the chance to make Catra think about the pain other people feel for HER actions, not JUST what the REaction to her actions would mean, FOR HERSELF, which is what the show did, In my opinion. Specially since, from the get go, it’s established that Catra KNOWS what she does HURTS, she wants it to HURT. She does not ENTIRELY have an askewed view of the world, she has a cynical one, one that excuses her vitriol and is self-serving. And she never changes that.

THAT, Very personally, makes it hard for me to see this character as a realized,  growing and conflict ridden individual, SPECIALLY, when the narrative TELLS you she WAS conflicted by around season 5, when we NEED her to just “always have been inherently good” to make the romance work, but never actually shows it, you just have to think she goes through all this, in a subtext that is never hinted at.

The way in which the show moved some things around and worked this narrative around Catra’s actions to make the romantic relationship work, well it takes dangerous shortcuts, because it never gives itself the time to adress all of these things BEFORE this relationship can go ahead.

IN THE END, it does skirt TOO CLOSE to those tropes of old: “Unconditional, passionate and promised Love WILL be enough to MAKE us tolerate the pain, and the sorrow, and accept and FIX the shortcomings, and PULL OUT this goodness that’s always been inside of us”.

This type of trope... or way of thinking? HAS been challenged before, and continues to be so, on relationships in media in which heteronormative couples depict it. We know it DISREGARDS many things about an individual’s growth, their safety and their agency.

And SOME Shippers or stans WILL tell you, “Yes, if Catra were a man, I wouldn’t ship it, and I wouldn’t be ok with it”. Some other’s don’t, other people trully see Catra’s growth within the show as a good depiction.

Ultimately, and to string all these thought together.

As a piece of Media, yes, the achievement of putting a lesbian couple at the forefront, who kiss, and who’s love saves the universe, is transcendat in itself. It sets a precedent of marketability and opens the door for more lgbtq+ voices to be heard.

HOWEVER, there are SHORTCOMINGS in the show, SOME OF WHICH are a sign of many problems WITHIN the industry, and the writing team.

It has writing issues, it has narrative issues.

It also has problems with dealing with ableism, it has problems dealing with a lack of conscience or disregard of racism. Many of its efforts in representation are honorable and considerate, but are ultimately mute and face value, when the voices behind it, are all white and open WAY TOO MANY chances of claimship for different groups, without thinking about it

There’s a problematic in judging She-Ra as media through a scope that is TOO PERSONAL and comforting to a person. Whether or not you see she-ra as perfect, or maybe see and understand its issues. Glorifying it and gatekeeping its critique serves no benefit for the betterment of media in itself, because you close the door on finding mistakes, and BETTERING them, or CHALLENGING different ideas, and actually SUBVERTING a status quo.

We CAN and we SHOULD discuss the things we think this show got wrong, or got right, for SOME people, but then hurt others. No one is inherently in the wrong or in the write about stuff like that. We all want better stories, better rep, better comfort, or challenging narratives.

My stance on Catra does not rest SOLELY on if I think she’s “Irredemable”, personally. I think its incredibly DULL and boring to be so black and white.

My personal issue with the show is that, it allow Catra to BE on a black and white scale, “Evil”, and then TRIED to nuance her actions, by making her QUESTION this, by thinking “Is this really what I want?” And her answer at first SEEMED to be “NO, I just want to not hate myself, to be STRONG by myself, to not be afraid, or dependant! To show this horrid world which is wrong on BOTH sides that I WILL stand, in the end, trauma or no trauma”. Catra wasn’t inherently EVIL, she was a product of her circumstance, she hurt other people and herself and she could’ve subverted this “EVIL VS GOOD” Ideal that both Adora, the Princess Alliance, Hordak and the Horde, had which btw, was a part of her self hatred.

BUT THEY DIDN’T, Instead Catra ended up saying:

“No, I want Adora’s love and acceptance back that she promised me and for her to TAKE my love!, I wanna NOT BE EVIL!”, to which the narrative said, NO you were NEVER evil! your inherent goodness had always been incapacitated by trauma and indocrination! And not only that, Adora NEEDS you! And you need her, so go! Love and kiss.

Again, this is Comfortable, potentially damaging? I say yes. Catra’s character is boiled down to needing Adora sdjkrthbdrkth

But again, this is a narrative shortcoming that makes ME unable to enjoy the story as is. Again I’ll say, She-Ra has already served its usefulness, it’s a stepping stone, it CAN do good for many people by setting a precedent for the future? It won’t manage it, if we as audiences CAN’T think critically of it.

[thesoundofaghost-mp3]

Uuhhh have this little cheesy smut story I wrote of Steve Harrington x reader

(??? Idk if it is but it's a pov from someone with no name mentioned and in present tense)

Also please be nice I literally don't even watch Stranger Things so I know just like the b a r e minimum about him lmao, he's just really hot and seems like a character I'd love from the things I've heard.

I am laying down on the ground in the huge living room of Steve's house, it's slightly too warm and the cold ground keeps me very fresh. It isn't weird, it's just something me and my friends do every now and then.

Steve enters the room, still looking outside and yelling something at the others. They're having fun on their own by the pool.

He turns and asks me how I'm doing. In all honesty, him wearing a crop top, looking all... Steve... and being my best friend I've had a crush on since highschool...smiling at me... he makes me feel a little warm and dizzy.

But ofcourse, as per usual I answer that it's all fine, I'm alright.

He puts down the empty glasses on the kitchen counter while looking at me and tells me to not move at all.

"You'll see why."

I trust him enough to know he won't hurt me but I still shriek as he lets himself fall on top of me, catching himself right before it's too late with his muscular arms on both sides of me.

He's basically pinning me down at this point, and I can't help but blush.

I don't know if he sees it or just decides to be cocky, but he raises an eyebrow and smirks at me.

"Do you like that? I have to do my daily workout, but I don't have the motivation to do it on my own...But this way I might just have a motivation."

He looks down to my lips and starts doing pushups, leaving me without anything to answer or any way to react except to watch him do so.

He looks me straight in the eyes as he keeps doing pushups. He's at 20.

I want to look at his arms but I don't.

He seems to be getting closer to my face every time he comes back down, but I'm scared I'll ruin the moment if I move, even just to kiss him.

30. He smiles at me and by now he's starting to sweat slightly but he keeps going.

I'm completely paralyzed by now but I know I've been smiling like an idiot from the start.

40. Damn. He's really trying hard to impress me isn't he?

50. He stops and looks at me for a second and tilts his head slightly.

"Did you enjoy yourself?"

Still that cocky smile on his face.

I sure did. But I'll refrain from saying anything, I'm afraid my voice will crack.

He starts to go down again and leans slightly more into me so he's in the perfect position to kiss me.

He stops two inches away from my lips.

His tone changes and he whispers seductively while looking back and forth between my eyes and my lips.

"I mean, really, did you enjoy yourself?"

I feel up and down his shirt and feel myself getting way too hot, but still slowly run my hands on his skin.

"I sure did", I whisper back to him.

He tries to kiss me but I pull him into a hug instead and he falls on top of me and groans. Not here, there are better places for that.

I moan in pain, although it doesn't feel that bad, I'm just dramatic.

"Fuck Steve, you're heavy"

He gets up as swiftly as he can and tries to avoid looking slightly shaken.

He laughs.

"It's all the muscles."

He helps me get up and the others come in the living room, asking for drinks.

Steve serves glasses of juice, water, some beer, all while still eyeing me from afar. He doesn't leave my gaze for more than a sscond the whole time. I can't shake the feelings out of me right now as I want him anywhere I can have him.

He seems to be thinking the same and asks me if I want to go for a ride to go "grocery shopping".

Or atleast, that's what he told the others.

We get in the car and we pull up next to the hidden lake, where no one ever goes.

He tells me we can talk a bit in the backseat of his car.

The music keeps playing. A cheesy 80s song is on low but audible volume. We don't pay attention to it whatsoever though.

As soon as we sit down, we stare at eachother for a good 3 seconds before he finally pulls me in for a passionate, hungry kiss, putting his left hand around my waist. He's pulling me closer than ever and his right hand is going through my hair and I feel as if I will explode. The kiss lasts long enough for us to breathe heavily after it but we just catch our breath for a few seconds and go right back to eachother, craving the love we have for eachother to show itself even more.

He starts sliding his hand down the back of my shirt and easily unclips my bra as we take a break and I help pull off his shirt and he helps me too.

He pushes me down against the leather gently but firmly so I'm laying down across the roomy backseat and starts kissing my neck, leaving a trail of kisses down it before he grabs my breasts and kisses my lips again. I can feel the bulge in his pants much more distinctively by now, and I feel myself getting wetter by the second. He breaks away from the kiss and gives me a questioning look as he starts trailing down my stomach to my jeans shorts.

I give him my approval and he starts unbuttoning my shorts. I move my hands on his chest as he slides off my shorts and panties. He kisses my neck again and sets his left hand on the seat next to me for support and slides his right hand smoothly on the inside of my thigh as I unvoluntarily moan.

"Seems like you're having a fun time, you're soaking wet."

He laughs slightly and asks me softly if I've ever done this before.

I answer no, and he asks if I would like to experience a few things.

I put my right hand on his, moving it even closer to my private area. He understands.

He starts rubbing my sensitive area gently, making sure to look at how I react anytime he changes in speed and/or motion. He keeps his gaze on me and bends down slowly, and with no hesitation starts using his tongue to play around, taking me by surprise. A good surprise none the less.

He stops for a moment.

"Wait just a second"

He pulls out a small bottle of lube from inside his car drawer, and starts lubing up his fingers. He tells me "ready?" and takes my nod as a yes.

After about 5 minutes of more delicious warm up, he slowly slides a finger inside of me as he keeps pleasuring me with his tongue and I take it easily. He starts moving it in and out, then faster and moving it inside of me. He soon adds a second finger, which I seem to take pretty nicely too. Then comes the third finger. I moan in pain. He asks me if he should continue and if it hurts too much. I tell him to keep going and it quickly feels less painful and quite pleasing.

After a few minutes, he removes his fingers from inside me and pauses to ask me if I'd ever sucked someone off.

"I haven't just yet, but that can change..."

I sit up and pull him closer as I start unbuttoning his jeans. He looks at me as I do so and runs his hand through my hair gently.

I pull down his jeans and he takes them off completely. I start caressing his penis through the fabric and as I squeeze him slightly, I can hear him try to hold in a moan.

"You can moan, that shit's hot"

He smiles at me and through his ragged breathing he moans slightly as I pull down his boxers and take his member in my hand.

He's big, way bigger than I even Imagined.

I start slowly trailing with my tongue on the side to tease him. I give a quick little lick on his tip and he shivers while moaning in a low, raspy voice. I take him in my mouth and start sucking as best as I can for someone who has little to no experience. After a few minutes of him just quietly enjoying it, he tells me to stop and lie down. He swiftly takes a condom out of the same drawer as before and puts it on. He lubes himself up and asks me if I'm good with it.

I answer yes and he easily slides into me, with little to no pain. In fact, it makes me moan loudly as it feels incredibly good. He massages my breasts and kisses me as he starts going back and forth in me and then keeps going faster. He eventually goes back to using his thumb as well to make me feel even better. As he is thrusting very deeply into me and I moan at my loudest he eventually starts grunting and tells me he's gonna cum and I tell him to go faster. He's pounding me as he breathes heavily and moans and I feel like I'm having a heavenly experience as he grunts and finally cums. I as well feel the sensation tingle through my whole body at the same time. He stands for a few seconds, still having this look of pure ecstasy as he closes his eyes and calms himself down. I feel intense joy seeing I've pleasured him this way, and admire his face.

He takes himself out of me, throws out the condom and puts the lube back, making sure to not make a mess and sits down next to me. He washes his hand with a wet wipe and throws it away too.

He gently lets his hands wander across my nude body as we look at eachother and we eventually laugh and softly admit we've always loved eachother and had been craving this moment. We lean into eachother slowly and kiss softly for a few minutes before he pulls back and offers to go for a swim in the lake. I ask him to look around to see if anyone might be there.

He's already halfway in the water as he turns just slightly. He smiles at me and chuckles.

"Come on now, no one ever goes here, I don't think anyone except us even knows of this place."

I raise my eyebrows still not moving from my seat.

He tilts his head slightly and has a sly smile on his face as he sees me checking him out, as he's still completely naked.

He turns again and checks to see if anyone might be around.

"Not only is he hot, he's also got a really nice butt" I think to myself.

He shouts at me to come, as there is absolutely no one. I sigh dramatically as he laughs and I join him in the water.

I swim towards him and he watches me with a loving smile. We can barely touch the ground, but we aren't just yet totally in the water. He embraces me, caressing my arms and putting his forehead against mine. I can't help but feel overwhelmed still, after all of this.

He holds my face in his hands and gives me a quick, soft little kiss.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

We smile at eachother and kiss again.

We pull away for a little and he grins. He splatters me with water and we get into a water fight, laughing and screaming until we're tired and holding eachother again, our bodies close and skin softly brushing against the other.

We eventually decide to head back home. We dress up, and I help him tie his shoes, just to be able to stand back up in a very seductive manner, "accidentally" brushing my hands really close to his crotch.

He raises an eyebrow and has a sly smile on his face, and lets me put my hands on his butt as I'm standing close and looking up into his eyes.

I laugh and give him a peck on the lips before letting him finish buttoning up my shirt.

On the way home, the music plays and we keep in silence most of the ride except when we belt out the lyrics to a song on the radio together.

I look at him smiling, singing loudly and feel immense happiness knowing he's mine now, and he loves me just as much as I do.

He keeps a hand occasionally touching my thigh and giving me quick little looks every now and then to let me know he's still paying attention to me.

When arriving home, we hold hands as we walk into the yard. The others all turn and stop talking.

"Hey what'd you guys buy?"

Steve and I glance at eachother in slightly panicked looks, and keep quiet.

"I don't think they went grocery shopping... Why are you guys wet? Did you guys go swimming or something?"

"Steve your hair is really messy, and uh you both look... like you had a fun time. No doubt that's not a 'tired because of swimming" look, I know exactly what that look you have means, I'm just saying"

One of them whistles, everyone bursts into laughter, and Steve and I blush but laugh too.

"It's about damn time! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss'"

Everyone joins in and Steve and I look at eachother before going into a deep kiss, while the others whoop and whistle while we do so.

The teasing about eachother keeps going on for about a week. Everytime people ask Steve about me, he gets shy and can't help but have a small smile on his face.

And every time, I fall in love some more.

[livel0veliv]

Woman's Lifestyle

First let me reiterate that I believe that everything we need to know about the way God wants us to live our lives no matter the role is outlined in the Bible and that anything that contradicts the Word of God isn't sound.

Men's clothing for example, the Bible makes it clear that women shouldn't wear men's clothing. It doesn't say anything about pants. Pants aren't men's clothing, they are a type of clothing article, just like skirts and both articles over time have been worn by both genders. So you can miss me with that mess, but I was a tomboy growing up. Didn't like skirts, they didn't feel secure and they weren't practical, not the best thing to run in, if you needed you run away without showing all of your lady parts. But now in my 30s, yes 30s upon reading through the Bible I find myself not getting clothes in the men's department, unless it is a hoodie, [men's hoodies are made better]. But I loved rocking ties, suspenders, dress shirts, hoop shorts, etc for comfort and it was just apart of my style. But If I'm being obedient to the Word of God I have done away with that. I'm finding the cuts of t-shirts for women to be more flattering to my body. Jeans too, lol. God in His wisdom. The Bible also calls women to be modest and while I hate that I can't find a long, lose pair of shorts, I do appreciate the length of these workout pants that hug all of my curves and I don't necessarily have to shave just to workout, finding an oversized, long t-shirt proves difficult to cover up my large backside, I'm not married. Not every man or women needs to know what I'm working with!

Anyways that's just one example of how the Bible has shown wisdom in an area like fashion, and if you're a fashion designer reading this PLEASE create more flattering but modest and LOOSE workout gear for ya girl. Thank you.

My father made it VERY clear that he was not going to give my then boyfriend the blessing for marriage. You see because not only was he not able to provide the lifestyle I had grown accustomed to. I couldn't provide that lifestyle for myself, being a freelance designer. In Biblical times women lived with their father until marriage. These men went off, prepare themselves for marriage, had land, a job, a home built, BEFORE courting. Because fathers weren't going to hand their daughters over to a man who couldn't atleast provide what he could. What would the point be? Plus why would father's provide for two people moving forward when it is his obligation to only take care of his daughter?

Father's do a huge disservice to their daughters when they don't make sure the man can take care of her.

We live in a time and age where women can work and thrive and live on their own. My father said that if I find myself where I can't do this to come back home. Because it is the same principle, I am my father's responsibility until I get married. So as long as I can do for myself what he can do for me, I'm good.

I'm happy to say that for the past 9 months I have been living in a way where I can not only provide that lifestyle. I am living a life better than my childhood dreams aimed for. Hopefully starting next year I can live a life on my own where I can possibly take care of a child...financially. I'm not pregnant or anything but I hope to be married and with children one day.

And if I don't get married I would like to adopt a house riddled with fostered teens. Teenagers are dope, and those in the fostercare system need so much love and guidance.

I say all of this to state that, until I can do for myself what I want to see bare minimum in my marriage, I have no business getting married. My father sees the kind of lifestyle I've created for myself, he won't let a man come in providing less.

A man's role is to show his wife how best she can serve him, show her the ropes, teach her the business, show her a better life. Taking care of the home is one thing, being his help-mate is only something I can learn from him.

You can see it and read it, this interaction between husband and wife throughout the Bible.

If you do your research on history of that time. You will come to understand that even men having multiple wives while it was not every okayed by God or made a law, God allowed it because there were significantly less men who could provide the right lifestyle for a woman. So those who could, could take multiple wives, because women couldn't have their own jobs. Now that women can, there is no excuse. One man, one wife. These women can take care of themselves, or they need to go back home.

There is less concern for a widow because the Bible makes it clear that a godly wife should remain skillful with her hands. God doesn't support lazy wives. So as a woman, if you're husband dies, in this day and age, you have no excuse for not working.

Since we come to despise that which goes against the Word of God, I despise this mentality of women going to college just to find a mate. This mentality of marrying a man who doesn't have his life and finances in order, the whole "starting from the bottom". This mentality of marrying your best friend (not Biblical) when you need to meet someone already ready to commit to marriage and I don't mean marriage to you in particular but committed to being married PERIOD before he courts you. This mentality of just being a wife and not a mother, when the second reason ever stated for a union of marriage was to birth children. The first being that man shouldn't be alone, so he gave us, women, to be a help-mates.

I'm not going to even think about entering into courting until I want to get married and I want to be a mother.

I enjoy my freedom, so I won't be courting anytime soon.

Also

If you're a female, whose father was never in the picture, or is no longer with us. Find a great home church, one that will look out for you. According to the Bible when a father dies, it falls upon the church to take care of the fatherless and widows. Before you court someone, have adopted and spiritual parents in your life, even if you live away from your father this is sooo important that they really know you and your life to figure out if a man is a good match for you. Also when you need help moving or need help with funds the church should be there to help, to send fellow brothers-in-Christ to move those boxes, for example. Church isn't just were you go to praise and serve, they should have your back. If they don't, go find a new church. One that can. A church is suppose to serve their own congregation.

Enjoy the season of singleness, it is a blessing!

[whenthespotlightfades]

The Problems with Malec

I decided to make a post solely about the problems Magnus and Alec have in the show that makes them not work as well as they could. Why? Not because I love complaining, but because it’s so important everyone is aware of what is going on. And sadly, what is going on simply isn’t all roses and justified. So let me explain what it is that is making this couple and these two characters not come to their full potential: 

1. Lack of storyline

Both Magnus and Alec are currently suffering from a “What the hell do we do with these characters”. Unlike the core three, there isn’t much book material to go on. Which means the team behind shadowhunters has to come up with a storyline themselves, and apparently that is really hard to do.  Or well, I should say, it’s hard to do properly.  Alec doesn’t really have a storyline of his own this season. Almost everything he does is playing second fidel to someone else’s storyline. He’s either attached to Jace’s his storyline, to Izzy’s storyline or even to Luke’s storyline. But he doesn’t have one of his own. Malec is not his own storyline. You could say him being the head of the Institute is his storyline, but he didn’t get the position as a result of his storyline, he didn’t even get it because he had earned it. And with his new position he hasn’t done anything that didn’t have ties to other things. It’s been connected to Luke’s storyline in which he tried to kill Valentine, and sabotaging Sebastian’s plan. The new role also restricts Alec as a character from having his own storyline or even being involved in other people their storyline. Even Matthew admitted to this. For Alec’s well being as a developing character he shouldn’t be a head for long. Not that he is doing a good job at it, since for the sake of “equality” he spents his nights with Magnus at his home. Which is totally in character, and totally normal to do when you have just been appointed. 

Magnus has his own storyline one would argue. He is dealing with his past and trying to find some sort of balance between being a warlock and dating Alec.  But how much have we seen from that storyline that was actually good storytelling. Everything we saw in S2A was always in connection to someone else and now in S2B Simon his heartbreak get the priority of good proper screentime over a character with severe childhood traumas. In what universe does that even make sense? Yes Simon his heartbreak is understandable, but why introduce such a heavy topic as childhood trauma only to treat it like a secondary issue with a screentime of less than 8 minutes combined with flashback scenes and the “i’m fine moments”.  Though mind you this is not the first time the show has taken a very serious topic only to treat it with the least amount of care in the world, remember Alec’s suicide attempt and the promise we would get back to that since it’s so important. I haven’t seen it anywhere, have you? 

2. Lack of screentime

If you’re not a malec fan or simply don’t care enough about them to want equality for them, the go to comment is; “this show is not about Malec”. Granted you got me there. But that doesn’t justify the lack of screentime. Now Todd has planned himself in the corner that tough choices have to be made:

They only have so much minutes bla bla bla, BULLSHIT. Todd simply has different priorities. Every ep in S2B has started with “My name Clary Fray”- 

Let’s be real, that is atleast a good minute of airtime that gets spend on shit the episode doesn’t need. Not to even mention the unneccessary scenes, such as Jace making out with Kaelie in the bed half naked (precious golden scene? Sure Jan). He can’t say he believes screentime should go to Clary, Simon and Jace even if the episode could easily miss the scene since it adds nothing, so the answer is even golden scenes have to be cut. Don’t get mad please, it’s a hard job.... Ehum NO, it really really isn’t. It’s about pacing, which sucks in this show, it’s about priorities which in this show don’t focus on Magnus, Alec, Luke or the rest. It’s about not adding more characters to an all ready full show.  They make the weirdest choices when it comes to malec, the scenes are short even when the moments are important, because everything else is apparently more important, hey not my words anymore, they are officially Todd’s now.  

3. The equality issue

I guess this is more personal. As a proud member of the lgbtq community, to me equality is absolute. I know what shows look like that give it to their viewers and thus i know Shadowhunters isn’t one of these shows. Arguments like “but they have more than in the bookserie, so stop talking”, are annoying as hell and not even correct. (Which you can read here) Arguments like “this isn’t the malec show” are fucking rude. Equality has nothing to do with turning Shadowhunters into the Malec show. If you believe this to be case, then you are not an ally and are (sub)conciously homophobic. Some lgbtq+ people even believe this to be true and honey, sorry to tell you but that is some internalised homophobia you’ve got going on there.  Equality simply means an equal treatment. Not give them 50% of the show’s time and Clace the other 50% cause well, there is also Izzy, Simon, Luke and Maia. This is not about some weird ass division of time. It’s about the Quality of the time they getting and the imbalance compared to the heterosexual pairings. 

The fade into black from 2x07 was homophobic as fuck. Malec not getting their first time shown, no intimate scenes. No real, well-written conversations. All of that adds up to this unequal treatment the couple gets, I’m not counting the stray scene they actual do right like the balcony scene in 1x06. Why does Magnus love Alec? I don’t know. Why do I not know this? Because the show never bothered to explain it to me, to show it to me. Why does Alec love Magnus? I don’t know. Because he was the first guy to notice him, but surely there is more to it. I’m just not sure what that more is. Why? They don’t bother to show me.  It is these small things that make the show fail epicly when it comes to Malec.  Most of the fandom is happy when they get one minute, because we have successfully been brainwashed into thinking that is what this couple deserves and that this is what we should be grateful for.  Everyone is over the moon with the morning scene in 2x15 in spite of the body language that shows discomfort, in spite of the OOC behaviour of Alec; this is not something the new head of the institute should do and definitely Alec, sorry. They are catering to you, with the bare minimum because well, you will accept it, praise it, maybe complain but hey we’ll watch again next week, cause TODD keeps making promises it will be better. Will it though? No really? Cause if you keep watching, you keep defending the show, you keep having a whiplash from going between “OMG I CAN’T EVEN” to “WHAT IS THIS SHIT”  why do they have to change how they treat Malec. Equality is a serious issue, but an issue this show doesn’t take seriously. And apart from a tweet, nothing indicates this will change in the future.

4. Lies from TPTB

If there is one thing I’m not fond of it’s lying Showrunners and boy does Todd have a track record in that. Just have a look at the first round of interviews they did. Remember how they agreed with the fandom that Malec went too fast in S1, that they needed to pull it back, because why the hell did they even like each other...... Well here we are Ep 15 and they’ve had sex and we’ve had an I love you, three even. If anything the new showrunners are going even faster. Much of what they promised to do with Malec, flew out of the window somehow the moment they started writing. Why? God knows why, I guess. Some people think they want to establish the couple as fast a possible, so as little as possible screentime has to be spent on them and they can still say, but hey look at this couple and the progressiveness, they are the OTP of this show, never will they break up. Stop complaining about the screentime and just appreciate that they are still together and going strong, here have another I love you, now shut up. I’m not part of that team, but I also don’t see enough evidence suggesting they are completely off. In fact the willingness of the team to have Malec adopt Madzie actually proves these fans might have a point. If only the lies had stopped there, but then there was the MalecMania. Oh Boy was the fandom hyped and with good reasons and Oh Boy was it a big let down to the point the fandom roared with anger. Then he promised he would work on it, this was during the filming of 2x13/2x14. Not all scripts had been written yet and they definitely weren’t filmed yet.

So why is he tweeting that he’s working on it now not three weeks ago. Don’t you mean you worked on it, keep a look out for this improvement? That is what you promised in the first place. But now this promise seems to have been moved to S3. And when S3A doesn’t deliver will he move the promise to S3B? He is a master at baiting the fans with Malec and for some reason the fans seem to not comprehend that they are being baited. So he can problably move it forever and nobody would object, cause he promises too change people! Give the show the benefit of the doubt.... Okay? But seriously for how long?! And how many lies does he have to tell before he loose his credibility. Mind you a lot of tweets ended up being deleted from his timeline as well, things spoken without thought and no intention to realise these comments.

What needs to change in my opinion?

First of All, Malec needs to take a step back. Breath, take things slow. Realise they know very little about each other and that they are going way too fast. Alec needs to give his position to someone else, I love Alec as the head of institute, but I don’t want him to be restricted by it. He can always earn it fairly around S7. I personally think Alec would prefer that too. That he is the head of the institute or hell even inquistitor because he was chosen to be by his people, not by Jace because the latter isn’t one for following the rules. Show us just how special and good Alec is, don’t have others tell us. Cause you haven’t shown Alec to be a great leader, you’ve shown the exact opposite before appointing him this position. Even Alec has his doubts, which he really shouldn’t have if he was sure of his position. 

Magnus needs a different role. Whatever he is currently, it’s not working as it give the character very little meat and no connection to the rest of the characters, thus isolating him. Especially if his current problems/storylines are treated as secondary. The show needs to address serious issues with the gentle care they deserve instead of using them for drama plotdevices. Alec’s suicide was a big thing, but thrown aside just as easily. Magnus his traumas are also pushed aside somewhat for storylines that require less screentime and care but are given double of it. Even Izzy who tried to kill her brother hasn’t really dealt with what drove her. The show touches on a lot of things with the other characters only to never really expand on it, for the sake of drama. And it needs to stop doing that. 

The show needs to start showing things instead of telling me things. I don’t want to hear Izzy went to meetings, I want to see her there, so I can hear why she felt the need to take Yin Fen and I can see her struggle.The same goes for Alec and Magnus, a lot is told but never shown. I’m tired of hearing about it, I want to see it. If I have to see every single thing about Clary, Simon and Jace, why can I not see these important moments from the other main characters. Especially if they are so linked to the storylines they are suppossedly telling us. 

The last comment also would increase the quality of their storylines, and thus create a more equal feel to it. But Equality needs to happen. For a show that won the Glaad award, it saddens me to say, they did not deserve it. Compared to their competition the show underdelivers and I think the show should become one worthy of that award.