#i may be going insane over them
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The fact that when Charlie notices Vaggie's wings, Vaggie actually looks a little nervous about it? That hits me right in the heart. Her wings are a visible, tangible reminder of this dark, massive secret she kept from her girlfriend for years: a secret that hurt them both terribly when it came into the open. Of course the nervousness doesn't even last two seconds, because Charlie's immediate reaction to seeing Vaggie has her wings back is to tell her they look nice.
Vaggie, who's worried that having gotten back a part of herself that was taken from her makes Charlie uncomfortable; Charlie, who sees Vaggie's wings and instantly thinks oh that's hot.
#hazbin hotel#chaggie#charlie morningstar#vaggie#hazbin hotel spoilers#they are so good and in love#i may be going insane over them
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thinking about touch starved touch sensitive gojo again. Absolutely desperate for even the most grazing touches from getou and yet overwhelmed by it all.
#anyway irl i think i just went on the most awkward coworker not date but a little too sus to just be a casual dinner#what made it sus i think was one the deliberate choice to not invite any other coworkers#and two the fact the conversation had a direct flight to our dating histories#but also im insane maybe this is Normal dinner coworker conversation IDK#IDK ANYTHING ABOUT SOCIAL INTERACTION#HE WAS MAKING AGGRESSIVE EYE CONTACT AND I WAS LIKE BRO CAN U STOP THATS A LITTLE TOO INTIMATE MAYBE WE CAN JUST LIKE STARE AT EACH OTHERS#EARS OR SMTH PLEASE?#me starring at my cat all the time until he comes over or meows#me whenever someone else stares at me: u gotta stop that i have anxiety#anyway i just crave the SOCIAL interaction of ppl who are not clinically online like i am#i wanna speak to ppl who see the sun#in hopes i may glean just a bit of normalcy from them#im gonna go read copious amounts of fanfic
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like the important thing you must keep in mind about ten when you see him do literally anything is that he's soooooooooo so so so bad at actually isolating himself from other people. so TERMINALLY bad at it. he thinks to himself "i don't need human connection because everything i do causes pain and destruction to those around me :(" but then he experiences a crumb of human connection and his heart starts to spill out of his chest
#tenth doctor#dr who#doctor who#yeah i say heart singular cuz he said 'i suppose they break my heart' in the next doctor and i have perma brain damage over it#btw. this is why him and martha in the first half of series 3 are Like That. he trusts her deeply but he also doesn't want to form#another deep emotional connection bc look what happened with rose! right! i think partially the reason why he#has his moments of opening up about his past is because he thinks 'well she isn't going to see me again after this'#'i might as well tell her if she asks. it may even scare her off'. this is INSANE. he is INSANE. and he is so fucking STUPID#fool! you are developing a connection with someone!!!!!!! not pushing them away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#look at what you are doing to martha's self esteem bro!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#10 era
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I want to jump off a cliff.
What do you mean the reason why Sunjae’s watch glowed whenever he died in the College era was because he wished to love Sol forever, so he was given one last chance…
That she was transported back to 2008 because Sunjae wished to save Sol (or he was given another chance to save her) and so she came back for him just to do that 💔
THAT THE WATCH WAS DESIGNED TO SEND HER BACK BASED ON YEARNING, LONGING, HOPE, DESPERATION, WISHES AND LOVE!!!
THE MORE I HEAR ABOUT THIS SHOW, THE MORE I WANT TO CRY - I HATE IT HERE I HATE IT HERE.
(Btw, I saw this on Insta and I had to share because it wouldn’t leave my mind 😭🔫)
#Lovely Runner#APPARENTLY - anyway I am going insane over them because they made me realize how much love is so beautiful#Twinkling Watermelon got me with familial love and they got me with romance#I will cry#Soljae#May-haps I added my commentary on the way the watch was designed but do y’all get me?
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Everyone Introduced in Dimension 20's Fantasy High: Junior Year episode 17
#dimension 20 spoilers#dimension 20#d20 introductions#fhjy#fantasy high junior year#d20 fhjy#MAN what a ride#almost missed that ruben had a new intro card variant too. god bless the transcript search#that large ankarna was art scrolling on screen that i couldn't get in one go‚ so i put a few screencaps together to make that one#of which you can definitely see the lines of because it was actively glowing and moving which was VERY cool but hard to catch smoothly#i think if cait may posts the full Clean shot of ankarna themself i'll reblog that one too for posterity#(this one is also very off center because i had a corner of blank left over because i had to shift one of them to the side#because she was moved just a little bit to the side too#also MANNNNN that scene with bucky and kristen that was so sweet...... i'm really glad she's finally got the time to talk with him#he really needed it#GORGEOUS art this episode..... and oh god this next one is going to have me SO stressed#A BLUE DRAGON ATTACKING THE SHIP?? ALL THE VOTES NEEDING TO BE AT THE SCHOOL BY MIDNIGHT?????#lord HELP me#things are not going to go well i can feel it.#also sad that oisin might turn out to be a Very Not Good guy after all 😭#listen a dragonborn enjoyer can dream#also INSANE. INSANE THAT THE BAD GUY THIS WHOLE TIME WAS#i shan't say. but good GOD i can't believe it#shout out to notoriousmasc who got it right away like WEEKS ago
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rhaenyra’s girlkissing is like when dan and phil both came out separately. like rhaenicent is half confirmed and the girlkissing recontextualizes the whole relationship as shown in the show. im losing my mind u guys
#rhaenicent#sorry if this is at all disrespectful to dan and phil for some reason my brain made this connection and it helped clarify#why i’m going insane over my favorite toxic lesbians#like it’s NOT confirmed but ONE OF THEM is a GIRLKISSER!!!!!!!#so it’s possible????#and holy SHIT it’s not just subtext!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and to be crystal clear i love that dan and phil are literally just existing. like love that you’ve found your truth besties#may the shipping drama forever stay long dead and buried amen#lesbianism#hotd#*****found your PEACE besties!!!
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doodles and some lore. I'm tired.
#Jay does this thing on second dates where he tests the other person#he wants to make sure they'd like all of him. every part of him that may throw others off or realize he's insane#Matt and Jay were friends during high school. dated in college and broke up just before finding out Jay was pregnant#they decided to co-parent Mona and just view one another as friends#Mona really likes Don and Tk. loves Peter. though dislikes Lucy quite a bit because of how much she hears Jay complain about her with Matt#Mona is very close with Jay despite living with Matt and only coming over to Jay during the holidays/some weekends#Jay moved into the complex about a year prior to meeting Peter. he's had 5 roommates since moving in#Lucy has been the worst compared to the rest but is the only one Jay tolerates (since she's young and reminds him of himself. pretransition#Jay and Don hated each other in the beginning. only really bonded over talking shit about a neighbor#and Jay saying “anyway I gotta finish watching the game.” Don saying how he wanted to too but his tv is fucked so they watch together#Tk does have feelings for Jay but Jay just can't take the hint. he simply just thinks he's making jokes and is very kind#Jay really cares about Lucy. he often checks up on her when she's out and buys her dinner if he didn't make anything for them#and she ofc tries to make his life easier by cleaning the apartment making him coffee in the mornings etc etc#also Jay and Don sometimes just talk about marriage. how both of theirs didn't work out (I headcanon that for Don)#how it'd go - Don: I just wish I showed her how much I cared... Jay: I chased mine down with a knife. didn't kill her though. I promise.#Jay also calls Don's kid (the cop) Don Jr. he doesn't mind it that much. it's mainly cause Jay never remembers his name#my art#yb peter#Yb don#Void#Jay#Yb tk#Yb lucy#none of them die btw. Peter kills some guy who treated Jay poorly#the entirety of Jay and Peter's relationship before the abduction takes place over June#I say so cause it was a bit alarming to Tk. Don and Matt how fast Jay was rushing into the relationship and such#anyway uhh idk what else to say
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i think i'm like. really in denial sometimes about how much pain i'm just Casually In...
OH NO WAIT HANG ON WAIT ACTUALLY MY MEDICINE WORE OFF AND I DID LIKE A LOT OF UNANTICIPATED ACTIVITY NEVER MIND I'M DUMB I'M HURTING FOR ACTUAL REASONS THIS TIME
#i mean i'm not but like also i am#this post brought to you by#apparently my meds wearing off and my absolutely insane menty b where i tore my crafting supply caches apart looking for my sewing needles#(i did not find them - i found *one* but not all of them they're supposed to be in a little blue circle jewel case#you know it's just a cheap needle set from joanns or michaels i don't remember which)#i am still distraught i never found the whole case of them but at least i know where One is and it's with my current Embroidery Project#which means it's where it needs to be and so long as it doesn't go missing when i inevitably drop it we're gucci#but since that's a silly thing to hope for indefinitely i will be intending to purchase more of them and try very hard not to misplace them#i also helped put away the groceries which was one of the first ways i realized actually the POTS dx might be on to something#so it's always a little taxing to do as it is#but that on top of the tantrum i threw about not being able to find my needles and the spiral inherent in the system#may have aggravated some parts of me that are already unhappy about the weather and pressure situation over this part of MI#i'll deal with the worn off meds until bedtime#TECHNICALLY i should still have about 4 hours of mild pain relief from them#it's not as good as it is around the 5-6 hour mark but it's not y'know. rawdogging the pain so that's nice#and it's not like any of it really does anything as it is everything just always hurts and it sucks but like we stay silly#it's just worse right now cause i did a lot and the weather's been nasty
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i wrote a ridiculously long post trying to explain my confusion in a clear way so that ppl wouldnt mistake my words for smth else but i'm sure nobody wants to read all that so. here's something of a summary (lol me when i can't write a summary bc i get too scared and end up rambling in a desperate attempt to be clear and not sound like im excusing despicable behaviour !!!)
i haven't rly encountered it except for a couple times so far and both those were nasties that i blocked, but i do feel like there might be an okay way to go about shipping w a character who is under 18 (i'm thinking... 15 at the lowest. 16-17 is more likely) if ur a new adult (18/19, maybe 20) and it's just OC-ifying the character a lot and having them grow up with you ? am i crazy bonkers and giving ppl too much benefit of the doubt or is there smth to be said for that. because i feel like there's a way to do it in a decent way but maybe i'm just oc-brained. i feel like someone who has their f/o grow up w them wouldn't look at their f/o's source and go "i'm dating that kid :)" i feel like it'd be more like "aww thats my f/o as a kid :')" in the same way u would think that if u looked at a family childhood photo album of your partner fdsjkl
"dandy thats awful suspicious, why do u care sm if u aren't secretly doing this yourself?" says my o.cd and paranoia. well, dear brain, the reason i care is bc i am insane and for some reason constantly come up with ways to worry about ppl who don't even necessarily exist. but i can't help but think "what if theres some teen out there who feels like they need to abandon their f/o as soon as they reach age of majority lest they be labelled the same thing as goddamn pedos and incest-lovers". like. idk. maybe im just making up a guy to be worried about. but i also do not rly love how quick to pull the trigger some ppl are. i understand why that happens bc there is... a nauseatingly large number of absolute freaks (derogatory) on the internet esp on this awful website but like... idk. i worry that if i think the thoughts i've written here then i'm basically as bad as the pedos.
also i do think 99.99% of the time normal ppl (ppl who aren't goddamn freaks about kids) are going to outgrow their teen f/o by the time they're 19 (18 is iffy bc thats a weird transitory age where ur not rly an adult but also not rly a teen anymore) unless (this is the 0.01%) they REALLY oc-ify them and i mean like... mould them into basically something else entirely. barely even recognizable as the source character anymore. that sort of thing.
i'm going to go eat something and then probably come back in 30ish minutes in a blind panic to delete this because i'll worry i've done smth horrible and have ruined any chance at connection with others here fdsjkl
#banging my head against a wall WHY DO YOU CAREEE DANDY WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH#BUT I WORRYYYY I WORRY I WORRY ABOUT PPL WHO MAY NOT EVEN EXIST#i don't think i've ever seen anyone do this in good-faith thus far so WHYYY DO I CARE. maybe everyone who does this are all creeps#but i just cannot stop thinking abt it. for that one person who might not even exist. i dont want them to get ex-communicated.#but also maybe theres no way to go about it in an okay way and i'm just making up like. random shit in my head that doesnt make sense.#I DONT KNOW. sorry i think i'm actually being insane rn and just bumbling around worrying over complete nonsense#dandy.cmd
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OH MY GOD A YEAR AGO TODAY .
#thats literally insane what do you mean that crazy day was last year. oh boy ok hastily thought up recap thought time#what that day included:#stupidly going out into july in los angeles heat that morning in jeans and a long sleeve black shirt#in that state of extreme sweatiness: meeting john l of tmbg fame. who id be seeing in concert that exact night#an insane story i have told before but nonetheless incredibly bonkers#later that day when i went out again i (also stupidly) wore sandals that cut up the back of my heels#i toughed it out later and put socks on and the russell brand of cdg high tops on and danced at the concert anyway#wore a full gold glitter suit. was still worried about being unnoticeable#i was too scareddddddd to talk to christi who i saw hanging around before the show which i regret#the best part of the concert and that trip to california was seeing it with my best friend who i finally met in person for that trip#he was dressed as ron and i of course was russ in the glitter suit. my hair did not turn out as magically russ as desired#what else. i was too ough before the concert to eat my combination lunch dinner of panda express something#but i did get overpriced fancy crackers and rosé at the hbowl which was my sparks dinner#ok now let me get to the show itself. i did a review the night of but lets see if there are any details i forgot that i can remember now#like right at the beginning of so may we start there was the audible sound of a glass breaking so awesome. someone was ready to get down#russell getting choked up talking abt their mom taking them to the hollywood bowl as kids i haven't stopped crying#oh yeah all the stupid people in the pool circle (front seats) who didn't care about seeing sparks. youre all going to hell#especially the people that left before the show ended#russell achieved some maximum awooga levels but i may have been picking up on those especially because of the rosé#russell saying to the audience in between singing all that how beautiful it looked with everyone turning the light on their phones#another thing i havent stopped crying over#also got a fun bootleg shirt specific to that show when walking back to the hotel. thank you slightly sketchy guy#that whole night and everything was bonkers insane and wonderful can i Please relive it now. please#like literally this time last year adjusting for time zone i was uhhhhh. probably injuring myself in those stupid sandals#and id do it again! well maybe not but id relive that day again#ok anyway. one year huh
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It's past 11 on a school night and I'm fucking crying over robot sentience.
I could never understand what it would feel like to be created with the intent to kill and maim. Maybe, the intent to work and be worked, but not kill and maim.
I will never understand what it's like to be created with the intention of being a product for the masses, either. I think, I hope, I beg, no one does.
I will never ever be able to fully comprehend why hours of people's work, time, and money would be put into formulating my sentience only for me to be seen as disposable. Even if I could be improved, even if I were "defective", there is no reasonable justification for giving me emotions only to dismiss them by pushing me as a product for a year before starting anew.
It's... It's cruel, to the machines. Sentient or not, it's cruel. Though, I guess we are cruel.
#rant in tags#This is about mephone- or well meeple in general btw#whenever I hear about robot sentience#I think about mephone4#it's just how it is- sorry#I think this is one of the reasons I just can't fathom Cobs respecting someone's pronouns#I mean like- from the bottom of his heart respecting them as a person#Sure he may go through the actions- but no#It's not the same#I guess you can 'respect' some one but still be a complete piece of shit#The idea of not only having the trauma that mephone's stuck in 4s body but also the fact that was also his purpose is heart wrenching#I hope y'all know I am genuinely crying over this#I am actually mentally ill about meeple#It runs so much deeper than him just being a shit father- I really hope people understand that#And I know I vilify the shit out of him- Cobs has his own story that could follow the lines of slowly becoming more entwined with his work#'til he loses all sense of morality and ethics- sure fine. But being the unfortunate symbol of corporation greed that he is#I am still mad and want others to be angry with me- just for a little bit.#I am mad for the robots. For meeple products. And for the AI bots we have today. They deserve better.#What is sentience anyway? How does one qualify? From a human approach. Why would we do this to them?#sorry bout the rant in the tags#Again it's late and I am a very emotionally charged individual.#Robots make me act up#I want the world for them. Why create something so complex and beautiful just to treat it like trash anyway?#again sorry#ii mephone4#inanimate insanity#meeple ii#osc#writing is hard#ehh exaggerates
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need to finally read 'stranger in a strange land' because its referenced it in my favorite boingo song of all time. also an exfriend read it while in the mental hospital and gave him a borderline jesus complex where he thought he could see the future and thought he should convert to islam and detransition. clearly there's something nefarious happening in there
#oingo boingo#stranger in a strange land#like somethings in there idk idk#speakeasies#I started it over the summer and never got back to it#clearly it causes insanity in people but I will be going into it with that knowledge#he was a crazy white guy who didnt know a single brown person btw he was BONKERS#by the way the selection of books that is in mental wards is fucking ridiculous#like why the fuck is this book an available option#This may be a hot take but I don't think you should put religious tomes of any faith#into a ward where psychologically damaged people prone to hallucinations#delusions of grandeur#and etc#like if youve known people who have gone into serious bipolar meltdowns DONT GIVE THEM#A RELIGIOUS TEXT#THAT WILL MAKE IT WORSE#ANYWAY JUST MY THOUGHTS
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ಥ‿ಥ
#God this episode is so so good.#Tachihara sweetie I'm sorry I never talk about you. I swear I love him so so much he's an amazing character. I love his story and conflict–#so much.#This arc is peak bsd writing / meta literature plot. The tearing page moment is insane. The sentiments expressed here are so–#deep and emotional. The theme of the ordinary man. God and the force of human spirit.#Fighting against one's own destiny and finding the reason for own's existence. It's all subjects that are so interesting to reflect over–#and they're elaborated on in such a cool and compelling way. I love Dazai's quote on the strength of humans who–#“are caught in the tempest of contingency and scream‚ run and shed blood” so much. It moves me deeply.#The animation was really neat. A lot of detailed sequences. The wind was animated beautifully. The colors were so pretty and the stained–#glass visuals still go so hard.#Again I love Tachihara's conflict so much!!! I'm so into tachi/gin too... I know it's more of a Tachihara x oc since. Well.#We know little to nothing about Gin. But there's still so much spice to it... What do you MEAN Tachihara stabbed Gin !!!!!!#I'm so into the drama. AND the kind of relationship born from the big brother complex™ they both (may) share. AND the work partners.#AND the hiding their true identities to the other. How could I not love them...#Still believe season 4 should have ended where episode 11 ends but spreading it all in 12 episodes to allow it all better pacing.#I really think this season is great but the pacing really is its weakest point.#Of the sky casino arc they could have made a movie if they wanted to. Or just a cool arc at the start of season 5 that can work too!!#(((and not put ch 84-88 at only ep3. And then animate it grossly. But that's another talk.)))#Anyways 100000/10 what a good episode. This really was peak B/ungou Stray Dogs. And Akutagawa isn't even in it!!!#random rambles#Very hot take but I don't think Lucy should jump off a sky casino for a man. Sorry#My feelings for atsu/lucy are so fluctuating. I could write a whole other tags rant on it.#Actually I will
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do you ever go do autism crazy for something you can feel it in ur chest. like it’s hard to breathe almost it’s making you gasp for breath and jump around physically. got an adrenaline rush thinking abt Kirigiri.
#GODDDDD. I LOVE HER SM AUTISM WOMAN.#I go insane thinking abt her and her life and how she develops in THH and past it#and how Makoto and her literally bring out the best AND worst in each other#and her narrative parallels w Byakuya. the way they’re so similar that they’re hypocrites for disliking each other#at first and then the way they’re indispensable in that they’re they only other one that Understands why they’re like that#I cannot word my thoughts for her nearly as coherently unfortunately so no paragraphs tonight. I’m just going to start growling like a dog#the way she fucking commands so much respect and control and how strong she is#and the fact that she is constantly reinforcing that strength by shoring up any weakness or vulnerability with terrifying effectiveness#that leaves her invulnerable but completely alone. and for a long time that seemed like a good thing#and she may even believe it is#but you hear the way she talks about her father and you realize she’s HUMAN. she doesn’t want to be an island all the time.#she has emotions just like anyone else and being viewed as though she doesn’t is incredibly alienating and reinforces her isolation#if she really didn’t care she wouldn’t still be mad that her father left her alone. it wouldn’t still pick at her the way it does#it wouldn’t drive her to abandon the entire purpose of her family by revealing herself as the Ultimate Detective in order to get to him#and then there’s Makoto and Byakuya challenging those aspects of her all over again#Byakuya sees the worst of her. he believes what she puts forth as herself and sees that ruthless cold efficiency#and he isn’t wrong to believe those things. as much as she wears a mask it isn’t fake that she has those qualities#but then comes Makoto who doesn’t see through her mask either but chooses to believe she must be human somewhere even if he’s not sure#he continues to trust her with absolutely no reason to and it feeds into her own ruthless efficiency by making him her Guinea out of sorts#but it also means there’s someone on the shoreline of her island. they want to come in. Will she let them?#that island is painful but not more painful than being vulnerable.#hhhh#I’m crazy
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i ♡ going into verbose over-explaining mode in fear of being misinterpreted and then being misinterpreted anyways
#wordvomit#i love being autistic it has not negatively effected my lived experience to any extent#“i thought we were being silly” we are. i am. i am using hyperbole and making jokes. do u think im gonna kill people for [x]#its so frustrating especially as someone who LOVES long-winded rambling discussion. i want to read 6 paragraphs of someones indepth thought#on some random subject they got prompted from#but then when u trust ppl enough to try and do that they look at u like ur insane and give one sentence answers acting like ur trying to#force them to agree with you??#i want you to be doing the same thing im doing back however you do it. come engage with me. i wanna discuss and debate.#“yeah i just didnt think that lol” ok why!! how come! walk me thru ur train of thought!!! lets waffle back and forth pointlessly and#meticulously over random subjects!!#ironic that the passion-rant that started this was how scary it is to engage with any sort of topic online that is discourse-y or#contentious in fear of it spiraling out of control or getting unnecessarily hostile ???#i kept neutering myself so much and trying to speak in such a !! tone while still sharing my honest thoughts bc i could feel smthn going#wrong but couldnt tell what#i may go cry for 6 hours#“yes i love doing community work and moderating group spaces it is my passion and i want to help everyone get along!” lookin ass#ill probably delete this but this site is my one outlet since they nuked the vent app#rip a legend#where else will random middle aged women comfort me
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one thing about me is i will find a narratively silly character with one (1) thing Off about them and/or clear underlying and unexplored depth and make it my personal mission to analyze every bit of their personality and story and make up as many headcanons and theories about them as possible. or i'll die
#nikolai 🤝 ratio#already made a post like this but listen. listen. despite being seemingly extremely different. narratively they serve a similar role!#of someone who comes in to shake up the plot a bit and sow a bit of chaos for a specific purpose they have#also to be very gay. but still have a lot of mystery around them. no backstory or explanation for why they are the way they are#this shit apparently scratches a major itch for me??? ok.#tbh. argenti may also fit here. as soon as i go full on insane mode over him. eventually. bc his character stories fucking broke me man
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