#I cannot word my thoughts for her nearly as coherently unfortunately so no paragraphs tonight. I’m just going to start growling like a dog
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do you ever go do autism crazy for something you can feel it in ur chest. like it’s hard to breathe almost it’s making you gasp for breath and jump around physically. got an adrenaline rush thinking abt Kirigiri.
#GODDDDD. I LOVE HER SM AUTISM WOMAN.#I go insane thinking abt her and her life and how she develops in THH and past it#and how Makoto and her literally bring out the best AND worst in each other#and her narrative parallels w Byakuya. the way they’re so similar that they’re hypocrites for disliking each other#at first and then the way they’re indispensable in that they’re they only other one that Understands why they’re like that#I cannot word my thoughts for her nearly as coherently unfortunately so no paragraphs tonight. I’m just going to start growling like a dog#the way she fucking commands so much respect and control and how strong she is#and the fact that she is constantly reinforcing that strength by shoring up any weakness or vulnerability with terrifying effectiveness#that leaves her invulnerable but completely alone. and for a long time that seemed like a good thing#and she may even believe it is#but you hear the way she talks about her father and you realize she’s HUMAN. she doesn’t want to be an island all the time.#she has emotions just like anyone else and being viewed as though she doesn’t is incredibly alienating and reinforces her isolation#if she really didn’t care she wouldn’t still be mad that her father left her alone. it wouldn’t still pick at her the way it does#it wouldn’t drive her to abandon the entire purpose of her family by revealing herself as the Ultimate Detective in order to get to him#and then there’s Makoto and Byakuya challenging those aspects of her all over again#Byakuya sees the worst of her. he believes what she puts forth as herself and sees that ruthless cold efficiency#and he isn’t wrong to believe those things. as much as she wears a mask it isn’t fake that she has those qualities#but then comes Makoto who doesn’t see through her mask either but chooses to believe she must be human somewhere even if he’s not sure#he continues to trust her with absolutely no reason to and it feeds into her own ruthless efficiency by making him her Guinea out of sorts#but it also means there’s someone on the shoreline of her island. they want to come in. Will she let them?#that island is painful but not more painful than being vulnerable.#hhhh#I’m crazy
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Started listening to the radio show from 2014 that was billed as Barnes and Peacock talking about sex for three hours. I... I don't know what I expected. I think I thought they were joking? To be fair, they usually are joking. They are comedians, and therefore will usually be joking when they discuss sex. But nope, this show is exactly what it says on the tin. Not a joke. Just sex. Lots of that. They did warn me.
I mentioned in a post a few months ago that I think John Robins' "pussy line" routine from his 2014 stand-up show is funny, the premise is good and I like the rhythm and it sets up an absolutely beautiful callback later, but I find it a bit difficult to listen to just because I'm so squeamish that I sort of have difficulty hearing the word "pussy" repeated that many times. I'll be honest, I feel vaguely uncomfortable even writing that word more than once in this paragraph. Sex isn't a thing people actually do in real life, is it? I thought they were all just making it up for comedy material, like ADHD. Are both those things real? Surely not.
Anyway, I'm 2.5 episodes into Barnes and Peacock, and my issue with hearing John Robins say "pussy" a few times seems like a very long time ago. They did tell us they were going to talk about sex in that radio show. And then they did that. Not as a joke, either. Just straight-up. I never thought I'd say the words "I think I might not be emotionally mature enough to handle the things Ray Peacock is saying in an adult manner" (not Ian Boldsworth, who's said lots of mature and intellectual stuff, but specifically Ray Peacock), but I think they may have got me on this one.
I am glad that Pierre Novellie happened to release his book this week, as it gives me something else to listen to at work. I could not possibly listen to the Barnes and Peacock sex show at work, no matter how much I trust the connection of my headphones to hold. I could barely put on Peacock & Gamble at work, but at least they were kidding. I don't know, what would be worse to listen to during a break in my job at an autism centre for children, and imagine what would happen if my headphones somehow disconnected and everyone could hear it? Peacock & Gamble with lots of sex jokes, as well as all their jokes about disabled children; or this other show where they don't bring disabled children into it but the sex talk is more explicit and they're not kidding?
Luckily I don't have to decide, because I am going with a system of Barnes and Peacock at home, Pierre Novellie at work. I'm about three hours into his book, by the way, and hugely enjoying it. I have a bunch of stuff to say about that book that will probably turn into a more coherent post than this soon, but tonight I am tired and cannot write an intelligent post about anything, so I'm just saying this instead. Pierre Novellie is a reasonable person to listen to while doing admin, or on a break, at a centre where they strive to provide autistic children with the best care possible, according to current research and person-centred perspectives. And I am genuinely not mature enough to listen to people unironically talk about sex without wincing.
Though I have been reminded, through all that, of how very engaging a performer Angela Barnes is (sorry for what I said about people making up ADHD for material, I was joking, in reality I quite like a lot of "I have ADHD"-based stand-up hours, including Hot Mess, Angela Barnes' NextUp special, it's really good). I'd love to see her in Edinburgh this year, it's unfortunate that she's not arriving until a few days after I leave. I said two years ago, when they cancelled Mock the Week, that they need to give Angela Barnes her own show (preferably with Rhys James as a sidekick), because it's not fair for her to not be on TV anymore just because they cancelled the thing where she was a regular. It's been nearly two years, someone needs to get the fuck on with doing that.
They've played a Flight of the Cochords song, which I enjoyed. A Tenacious D song, which felt particularly topical to happen to hear this week.
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