#i made a friend tho this week
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i lowkey don't have motivation to talk to people in rl rn grjajkzdkzkz so i might be taking a break this weekend
#eeghhhhssj i feel like a jackass idk why#i feel like i'm being really snippy n mean#it doesn't help that this week has kinda been shit#i did poorly on a many tests#and i have ok grades rn but it feels like im letting people down from it#and my art didn't get put up again#context: my reading teacher like has a art thing every week/two weeks#where we draw something relating to the story that we're reading#and it's happened 3 time#i've worked so hard on it twice (one time i didn't)#and i haven't gotten recognized#and idk it's just odd cause every time she's like 'this is so good i love this!!'#and yet doesn't put it up#and this is such a stupid thing to be upset about#but i take my art very seriously#and it's just depressing seeing ppl who copy down from a screen get on while i don't#and my friends all get on it too#so it's just frustrating#i made a friend tho this week#so that's cool#their pretty awesome#i always feel like super awkward talking online so i hope i don't come off as it
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i needed to express a sentiment in the creative stylings of @dunmeshiminimumwage
#eliot posts#dunme#delicious in dungeon#dungeon meshi#sorry to put toshiro in the roll of shitty job interviewer lmao#but he was the best fit for ''guy that wants me to read their mind''#laios being my internal monologue here#i was on my THIRD interview of the day i was Dying#tho since the prev two interviews i had were for similar positions and told me their salaries outright at least i could use that number#(though tbh my work persona is more of a kabru. my customer service voice is unparalleled)#(at my first job even my coworkers thought i was sooo cheerful til i got too comfy and casually made a joke abt wanting to asphyxiate on a#plastic shopping bag like a sea turtle. in front of my sweet elderly coworker. oops!)#(also this job was during quarantine and after weeks of working together i took my mask off in front of one coworker for the first time#and she called like half the department over from their registers to look at how pretty i was??? prettyboy powers unmatched ig)#(also my first interview today went SO well i charmed that interviewer so good despite my lack of qualifications)#(she even complimented my social skills and said i seemed like the type who could get along well and make good conversation with anyone!)#(which is important bc i was interviewing for an elder care position. also old people especially tend to think i am a Delightful Young Lad)#(unless i accidentally make a morbid joke around them ig lmaooo. or. well. some of them like those too. but not that one coworker lol)#(if only that skill transferred over to actually making friends irl. my autistic ass has so few close irl connections)#(i hope my exceedingly short list of character references does not prevent me from getting hired)#AND ALSO my first job asked the same wage question and i said twelve dollars#and they were like all our new employees start at 7.75#the union insists that we pay all new employees a whopping 50 cents above min wage. (we'd pay less if we could)#like dawg why did you ask that then??? if my answer did not matter at all???
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A momentary apology to everyone who followed me thinking I was a cute magical girl and occasional Alice in Wonderland blog.
#stella talks#.you have to understand........#.garashir hits every shipping button I've got and then some#.it's like it was tailor made for my tastes in ways i didn't know were possible.#.i went almost a week without sleeping when i started ds9 because it hit me so hard.#.garashir was so compelling to me it shook me into a manic episode for over a MONTH.#.i am literally only just starting to come down from that.#.it did something to my brain chemistry okay.#.also some chance this is related to one of my closest friends dying and fixating so hard on a ship is a coping thing.#.idk might be unrelated though who could say!!! >_>;;;;;#.the manic episode started before she died though so.#.i think it is being drawn out because i can't handle my feelings on magical girl stuff right now because it make me think of her.#.so ds9 is a nice safe outlet for me while i try to come to terms with everything.#... she'd have loved my starfleet magical girl au tho. pain. ):
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Thank you guys sm for all the help & support!!! 😭 I finally got enough amount to pay my rent ;_; I really appreciate it a lot!! 🙏🙏🙏 (seriously I can't thank you guys enough ;____;)
Also I can finally start streaming again soon! I might be able to do it tomorrow morning (so around 7+ hrs from now). I've been digging so much abt finding ways to stream from a low-end pc & finally found a way to do it. Kinda excited to try it tomorrow even tho I'm not really sure it it'll even work smoothly :))
#thank you sm again!! ;_; that rent has been plaguing me for days but now i'm free!!!#oh and also I just discovered about n.eko rooms#apparently it was made bc the author wanted to have watch parties w/ their friends 🥹#it's self-hosted tho so it's kinda complicated to set up on your own#but!! I found a site that hosted one so now i'm gonna use that >:)#anyways!! i'm off to bed for now#will try to stream & also post finished pieces from my backlog soon!#I was supposed to post them this week but my cramps got so bad I could barely do anything ;_;#bam blabs
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Every week I go “Jiji in the anime this week? 🥺👉👈”. And every week I’m disappointed
#NEXT WEEK THO FOR SURE. TRUST#I need anime Jiji so bad he has crippled me these past couple weeks since reading the manga#I need him in the anime to cope <- lying. It would make me worse#I am that stock image of that guy on his knees head in hands every time I think about him#he’s so incredibly everything to me he was made for me#breaking down in the tags my old friend hello#I’m screaming I’m sobbing I’m gripping the sink so hard it breaks#his stupid face is all that’s in my mind#I am not normal about him I will never be normal about him#Dandadan is great guys highly recommend#gonna get even better next week when Jiji’s there because he will be there next week HE WILL BE#manifesting SO HARD 😭😭🙏🙏#Maddiepost
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Isat chatfic pt3
4:34 pm
*MIRABELLE PLUMS added Isabeau, Odile and Petronille*
Petronille: WHAT THE CRAB WAS THAT
MIRABELLE: I don’t know!
Odile: What do we do now?
MIRABELLE: well, first, we need to figure out where the crab he is
Petronille: He ran into the forest.
I think he went past our tents
MIRABELLE: phew, ok should I do it?
Odile: yes.
Petronille: Yeah
Isabeau: ok
MIRABELLE: her goes
*MIRABELLE PLUMS added Siffrin*
Siffrin: I'm sorry
MIRABELLE:We don't want an apology!!!!! How is that the first thing you think of?!
Siffrin: sorry
Petronille: ok, that doesn't matter where the crab are you?
Siffrin: I don't know
Odile: surroundings?
Siffrin: trees
MIRABELLE: OF COURSE THERE ARE TREES WERE IN A FOREST
siffrin: sorry
MIRABELLE: anything else?
Siffrin: a brick ruin?
Odile: That's something…
Petronille: anything else?
Siffrin: a
Uhh no.
Isabeau: We'll try to find you.
Siffrin: ok…
Petronille: Don’t move around
Siffrin: Ok
MIRABELLE: We love you. Don’t! you! dare! forget! That!
Siffrin: Thanks ilyt
Isabeau: <3
8:31 pm
Star: We should name this gc its just all our names
Mira: Yeah
*Nille renamed the chat to The Bozos + Odile and Mira*
Nille: yeeaa
Star: yeeaa
Isa: Yeeaa
Mira: ?
Nille: Shhhhhhhh
Bonbon: OK
WHAT DID YOU DO FRIN
WHAT WAS THE ADOLTS ONLY TALK
Odile: *adults
Bonbon: ADULTS
Star: I freaked out and ran away
Bonbon: I KOW THAT DUMMY
Star: Ok.. It was because smth reminded me of the loops
Bonbon: so you got flashbacks to the endless school
Star: yeah
Mira: and so they ran off
Bonbon: LIKE A DUMMY
Star: Sorry
Nille: Hold up
*Nille went offline*
Star: WHAT IN THE BLINDING STARS WHY DID NILLE JUST SMACK ME
*Nille came online*
Nille: You deserved that!
Star: WHAT DI I DO
Nille: NO MORE APOLOGIES
Star: OK???? STARS ABOVE WOMAN CALM DOWN
Mirabelle: :0
Isa: What
Mira: Theres. A rat
Inside my room
Bonbon: COOK IT
Star: Im coming
Nille: ???????????????
Star: Mira is it threatening you
Mira: A little? Im scared of rats so…
Star: IM GOING TO MURDER IT
Mira: Thank you
Star: I WILLNOT LET IT HARM YOU OK
Mira: Thats not really necessary
Star: I COULDNT CARE LESS
(YOU NEED TO HELP ME FIND THE IBUPROFEN)
*Odile came online*
Odile: second drawer to the left in the bathroom, in the blue box.
*Odile went offline*
Isa: Did she just?
Nille: She just came on to tell us wher the Ibuprofen is wtc?
Isa: yeah…
Nille: thx ig?
8: 37 pm
Isa: Sif? Mira? How are you?
Star: IT RAN AWAY
Mira: They started insulting it
Halfway through it started to sound like they were targeted at themself
Star: NO COMMENT
Isa: Sif is your capslock stuck again
Star: YES
Isa: Ill be ther in a second
Star: THANK YOU
Nille: that sounds so pathetic
Like you can hear how he said the thank you
Because weve all heard that thank you from him
Mira: That was funnier than it shouldve been
Star: My capslock is offff
Im freeeeee
My cage has been openeddddddd
Isa: Sif ina birdcage….
Bonbon: Birdfrin
Isa: Birdfrin
Mira: Birdfrin
Nille: Birdfrin
*Mira changed Star’s name to Birdfrin*
Birdfrin: WHYYYYYYY
Nille: Better idea
*Nille changed Birdfrin’s name to cats on the stars*
Cats on the stars: :)
Isa: Huh
Mira: Why?
Nille: Hey hes kinda like a cat ok?
Cat + Star obsession = our favourite little guy
Mira: … smart…
Bonbon: Get over here dinners ready losers (Spicy! spaghetti)
Isa: Changeeeeeeee whyyy
Cats on the stars: ill eat it if you dont want it
Isa: well see ok
Nille: Read: I will take two forkfuls and then give it to you silently while staring aggresivly at the table
Mira: hehhe
Nille: hehe (Theyre so)
Mira: Yeah
Isa: Are you two done making fun of our very serious dilemma
Nille: Boy it is spaghetti get over it
*Cats on the stars and four other went offline*
#in stars and time#isat siffrin#isat spoilers#isat isabeau#isat#isat isafrin#isat bonnie#isat mirabelle#isat petronille#isat odile#isat chatfic#told you it would get worse#not to bad tho#had a way worse og idea for this#like wayyyyy worse#in a traumatizing way#school starts next week#for me#and I havent finished my summer homework#but hey I made friends#( new school check)#tag vent#ish#Good luck with chapter 4#Love you guys <3#this came early 4 yall#because I love you guys and I need extra time for ch 4
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it's been a few days now and i think most of us have processed recent events at least a little bit at this point.
i don't typically post regarding serious issues on here, but please, please, for your own sake and for the sake of the people you love, take care of yourself. don't do anything to hurt yourself. throw yourself into the things that make you happy. pray and hope and act upon it. engage with your community, look out for the people around you. that's what's going to get us through this, especially those of us who will be most affected.
faith and compassion.
please stick around, if not for this world, then for the people and things that make it better. for the people whose lives you make better. please.
#im a little late to this bc i've been swamped this past week#i did want to talk about it tho#i was in shock the whole day after learning what happened literally first thing in the morning#then i got sick a couple days ago#so i've been wrestling with a lot ^^;#but this isn't about me. this is about all of us#i cherish every single friend i've made on here; every single person that follows me#please be safe.#fnf psychic#friday night funkin#fnf mind games#psychic fnf#my artwork#fnf girlfriend#the dearests#psychic daily
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i lived, bitch
#pegs vs. concrete final score: 0-1 concrete#anyways hi happy new years. 2025 off to a fantastic start (ambulance ride/8 stitches/black eye)#ruined my friend's coat and made a very strong first impression on a guy i had just met 4 hours prior#am very sore and will have a forehead/nose scar from this. but CT scan was clear so not concerned :)#did just get a job offer at the sports bar i applied to last week tho !! which i will be properly excited about once i stop hurting so bad#they didn't give me any meds beyond topical freezing for the sutures & damn...... advil ain't doing shit man#thankful that doctors are becoming mindful of opioid overprescription etc but just 6 pills really would have helped. like damn bro#anyways. hope u r well! wishing u a good 2025! hope u see many beautiful & ugly things and that you let yourself feel everything deeply#pegasus speaks#my face#blood tw#gore tw#blood -#gore -#medical tw#head injury -#idk ask to tag
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need 2 find myself again in 2025 . tbhwu
#depression has hollowed me out in2 a shell of my former self#and i thmk i need 2 grit my teeth and just get over It whatever It is#recognizing its no easy task but also knowing i cant keep on like this#and allowing myself to spiral into misery thereby preventing any possible change or growth#sigh …. sogh .. i want 2 be a person again . picture friends circa 2008 outlining me in chalk. i want 2 know theres something there#how u ask (me asking myself)#idk but one way or anotjer . and not in that new yrs resolution fallacy way#anyways . anyways z . crazy how a week off from work will leave u feeling real again#i gotta get out of there . step 1😭🙏🙏#its especially hard when everyone arnd you is objectively doing better. partners finances purpose . >staring in2 the camera 1000 yd stare#u get thru the beast of being a teenager like thank god thats over and then b4 you even catch ur breath#your mid 20s are casting a shadow over u like some menacing thing and u have to gulp and say hes right behind me isnt he#i think people often like to give the advice that youll figure it out but it leaves me feeling so disquieted#bc its like sure im sure i will ive made it this far i can do what i need to get by when the moment matters#but it does nothing to assauge the immediate anxiety and feelings of worthlessness and lack of direction yk#goddmanit assuage i spelled it wrong everyone point and laugh#bc its like what if i dont and i mean that in a very like . existential & not material way . idk what im saying but i think thats the advice#i hate most . not sure if u have felt or do feel the same . -__- like yes oersonal experience sure whatever happens will happen and you will#simply adjust but will i ever feel like its something i want to experience/endure .#whatever anyways x2. im journalling i think that helps me the best rn . and its the one thing thats allowed me hope and i think#having that time to examine and mull over and deconstruct is rly helpful tbh. and i would like to think#over the long term i can repair my creativity and cultivate a new outlet that doesnt leave me feeling empty if i cant draw as i used to#yaar#i feel like i dont write for very long tho thats the one thing that kinda blows#two pages maybe and ive only addressed two maybe three points if im being generous lol i get so bored with the actual motion#when my mind moves 10x as fast . and idc for audio logs either ykwim.#ohh tumblr how i love u . tag system like no other
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as of ten minutes ago we are officially Jobless™️. my sign to retire early and devote the remainder of my existence to writing toxic old man yaoi
#pennforyourthoughts#personal#someone rb this with silly tags i feel it deserves some levity#warning: novel-length tags lmfao#THEY TOLD ME TODAY MY LAST DAY IS FRIDAY? that's only two whole workdays for me HELLO??#knew it was coming bc they let my friend go two weeks ago and he had more seniority than me but jfc#at least let me ride out the contract till november. WHY. i JUST went back to uni i need money goddamn it#full disclosure tho i haven't been able to stop laughing bc so much of the surrounding circumstances are insanely funny to me#1) i was LITERALLY at a job fair yesterday and I almost considered not going bc I was so damn tired#surprisingly made some really great connections so ty universe now i have people to poke in the coming months#2) i switched from part time to ft course load at the last second and have been regretting it ever since but if im to be unemployed then#MAYBE now I can actually handle the uni workload :D#3) when my boss called me she asked how ive been and i told her i was sooo sick last week and got into a car accident#that same day omw back from uni (universal karma for skipping class for my health ig)#THE WAY SHE PAUSED ON CALL IS SO FUNNY IN RETROSPECT. was prolly thinking fuck. now i have to add to this#she literally went “omg im so sorry...anyways i have bad news”#im not even lying when i say i was GIGGLING through that whole call she was so concerned#love her bc she genuinely tried to fight for me and is the reason i wasn't let go two weeks ago but man. the timing is impeccable#also don't think i get any unemployment benefits bc i was temp contract and my situation as a whole is a bit complicated so YAY :DDD#the way i ran to my bestie to spill the tea & we're over here like 🤝 fired buddies 🤝 time to speed run job interviews while juggling uni
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going through pics from stage door bc I’m going again in a week or so and just realized i never posted the pictures from when I saw the outsiders musical!!
feat. when emma pittman said happy birthday to me!! (and the teenager (not pictured) behind me who I let come stand up by the fence with us because it was her birthday too) (melody rose also said happy birthday to me but I did not get it on camera)
#RARE but not the first FACE POST LMAO#I meant to post these literally that day LMAO it was the september first performance#going with a different friend sometime next week!! will not be saying publicly which day tho#we’re not stage door-ing when I go next time bc I’m happy already & got that friend’s book signed for her#it won’t let me post the video of giving Dan Berry the bracelet I made for whoever played Darry (it was him that day)#but to be fair. my hand was shaking so much you can’t see his face anyway lmao#and she’s not comfy with the idea of it#my post#not tagging as the musical bc I don’t really wanna crowd the tag but!!
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Idk I might be a prude or old fashioned, but I just think it’s wildly inappropriate to ask two girls you just met in line outside a concert venue, one of whom is with her father, if they would rather have a guy with a tiny penis but was funny and treated them right, or a guy with a monster cock who treated them like shit. Girl next to me answered immediately like oh yeah, guy who treats me right, and I didn’t answer. And this dude goes “see, you’re cool, most girls would say the other guy. Like she didn’t even answer.” And I just rolled my eyes and continued to not answer, because number one, that’s literally none of your business, and number two, my dad is literally standing right there, I am not answering any questions that are in any way related to genitalia or sexuality even in the slightest
#she speaks#anyway shoutout to Fred who was on a two hour long weed fueled adhd tirade who made everyone including his own friends very uncomfortable#he apparently goes to shows all over the country multiple times every week#I learned that he is married (wow) and works with disabled kids (frightening actually) and has a network of concert goers who trade tickets#and that’s how he managed to see sleep token twice in the same month#you were a real weird dude and I hope I never see you again but I probably fuckin will#Valerie was cool tho wish I’d thought to get her IG :(
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parents sending me emails like "we are respecting your wishes BUTTT whenever you are ready to talk..." like. there is an assumption here
#like. is there a response they could give to me going no contact over a year ago that i would feel good abt. probably not#however. u guys r assuming a lot of things that i did not say would happen#also feeling v weird knowing that the show im doing in spring is. the same show my brother is also doing in spring back where we grew up#like they dont know what im up to but now i know that.....just abt to start rehearsals next week and i gotta think abt that now....hm!!#simply having a Time. its gonna be fine tho its gonna be ok#its just. difficult when im already spending christmas alone bc i havent made friends here yet n i dont have a home to go back to
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the last thing i want happening if i come out as aplatonic (which takes immensely more than coming out as aro or ace) is to be erased to my face with something about friendship being very important and that i should really get out there and try it out and stop isolating myself or whatever. I am introverted, i get drained by social interactions a lot, even when I'm having a good time, i get quiet in between, for those reasons i do isolate myself. I am not good with approaching people and starting conversations or keeping them going most of the times as i usually have limited reactions and just humm most of the times. so i have to work my mind a mile an hour to make some comment or query to not seem too indifferent. overall I'm just very indifferent to friendship. significantly disinterested as compared to non-apl people. maybe it's cause i have not met very many people i truly connect with but maybe it's just the way i am. i usually have a lot to talk about topics and can go about it to other people if I'm feeling like it or if I'm 100% sure they're interested. But that doesn't happen all the time. rather, it happens quite rarely. eitherways it's hard for me to feel as intrigued/drawn in by other people. which i believe is a major factor of platonic attraction. there are several intersections between my introverted, reserved, private nature and my aplatonicity. both make it hard for me to function around people as friendship and enthusiasm for it comes as a natural expectation in the society. But I'm just a little too happy by myself most of the time, and that doesn't make a lot of sense to people. 2/10 times, when i want to do something out of it, my shell makes it hard for me to. As a result, there is a specific brand of isolation and loneliness i experience. Doesn't make me less aplatonic.
In any case I don't want to be erased to my face with some lame excuse about why you just cannot fully comprehend how someone could be this way when i come out to you.
#it's about to be 6 AM i haven't slept a wink#and it shows#aplatonic#apl#aplspec#demiplatonic#greyplatonic#aplatonic ramble#last week i was on video call with a friend#who i haven't talked to in a while#and i came out to them as aplatonic#honestly dint think I'd go there but ofcourse we're both in school so friendship would definitely come up as a topic#and she was lowkey doing this#i get the concern i really do#but this is me making myself vulnerable to you#it's okay if it confuses you#you can just say an 'okay' and move on#you don't have to invalidate my experiences#i never got it out of my chest so here it has materialized as a late night ramble#the incident made me realise one thing tho#that i was finally secure in my identity#seeing i dint feel desperate to clarify or explain further#i had a feeling they just wouldn't get it and i was able to move on#aa mine#skate's strokes
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.
#VENT#VENT TAGS AHEAD !!#so the job is...awful.#i applied for 20-25 hours#they asked if i could do 30#and now theyre pushing me into 40.#i didn't realize that when i agreed to 30 that was NOT binding (i should have known because it wasn't in my job offer. but i am 19 and--#ive never had a job offer letter before. even tho this is just retail)#and i can't adjust my availability for 90 days.#and since i put full availability expecting 25 hours max#now i have FULL 24/7 AVAILABILITY ON FILE for three months at least#and i have no idea what to do because this means i cant commit to any classes coming up for college#but ive been job hubting for months and barely got anything#and if i lose the job i have to move back in with my dad which is almost worse#whats wirse is my leader/boss is so mean. im not saying this lightly#i dont want to get into it but im barely a week in and he's made disrespectful and pushy comments towards me#has basically told me to stay late (which theoretically i cluld say no; but im still on my three months of 'we will fire you if we want to'#and like i said. need the job.#so he told me to stay late knowing i cant really say no#he's given me a frankly absurd amount of work (instock and i get carts filled woth 2-3x their max capacity unorganized and dangerously--#overloaded) and then he pushes me and snaps at me to get it done in an absurdly short timeframe while im still in TRAINING#im afab and present femme as i haven't transitioned irl and he is so ragingly sexist#he often just refers to me and the other girl being trained as 'girl' or 'that girl#and to top it all off#i took this job over a second interview at a place i really liked#because i thought the hours at this olace would be more consistent#nope! full time! surprise!!#and now im kicking myself so fucking hard over it. i feel like i fucked up so hard#and my friend i moved here with has been home for two months and will be this month so im just. alone. and i don't really have anyone to#turn to. im just so very stressed and tired and lonely
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.
#the last week ive been so down but#the last 24 hrs have been so sweet#my friend let me talk out my thoughts and comforted me then we watched a studio ghibli together even tho her footie was on#and then today#my senior apolygised that she missed my teaching yday and wanted me to send it over to her bc another senior said it was a good one#that other seniors facial expressions made me feel like i did a bad job at the time and iw as down but it was so nice to hear that!#my work friends memorised my coffee order and treated me to one#the staff on my current rotation r so lovely nearly everyones complimented me 🥹#and then one of my colleagues literally brightened my day after lunch - wasnt expecting it but he wanted a quick chat to tell me i made his#day yday#i also asked my work friend walking buddy if we can restart our after work walks and she said yes!!!
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