#i lowkey need him dead
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nibbles-whispers · 1 month ago
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also success is not the best revenge i am wildly successful rn and am still not over my ex sooooo
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ranna-alga · 8 months ago
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Idk about you guys but I am an absolute sucker for stoic, strong, providing/protective, "macho-macho" male characters absolutely just breaking down when the going gets a bit too tough. Willing to shoulder any burden or battle scars if it means granting their loved ones' safety, but cracking when it gets too much, getting disheveled when things go wrong, when things are out of their control, when they've lost so much that they cannot hold it in anymore. They cannot continue being strong, at least just for now when they just need to decompress.
With that said, Arthur Morgan absolutely deserved to have a good cry. I'm upset he hasn't in the game, at least from what we have seen. Despite how strong and hardened this 36-year-old seasoned outlaw is, he is still a man - a good man at heart (at least in my canon as a High Honour truther).
There is no way he couldn’t have cried on the ship after watching his own father and mentee/lowkey-son-figure die right before his eyes. There is no way he couldn’t have cried when he failed his chance of running away with the love of his life whilst he still had the chance, and having to come to terms with the fact that the last memory she will hold of him will be him making another promise he couldn't keep + that the last piece of her he has left is her essentially writing him out of her life with no time or opportunity to explain. There is no way he couldn’t have cried when the fear of death/the fate that awaited him and his loved ones got too overwhelming for him. There is no way he couldn’t have cried when he started seeing both life and death differently after Sister Calderón's inspiring words in that train station.
He deserved to have a good cry. Arthur, a man living in the American 1890s where there was a certain expectation for men (outlaw or otherwise) to surpress any 'weak' emotion, finally admitting "I'm afraid" was one of the 'manliest' and most human moments we ever see him have, and it was so simple yet so beautiful. The man has been through so much pain as much as he has inflicted it - he deserves a hearty moment of release. To cry, to sob, to wail, whatever. He just needed that after everything.
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marimeeko · 1 month ago
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Izuku goes back to classes and the kids eventually notice that GEMG Dynamight hasn't interrupted Midoriya-sensei's classes in quite a while. Midoriya-sensei, oblivious fucker as he is, realizes that they are right and wonders. (Katsuki is still driving him to work as usual, and he still sees him when he takes a patrol shift, so it hadn't registered) Izuku chalks it up to Katsuki just being a busy hero during the day.
Anyway, conversation wanders, the kids find out that Midoriya-sensei has a date later!
They all get excited, and they start asking him, where is DynaMight taking him?? "Are you going to get him flowers, you totally should, Midoriya-sensei!"
Izuku stalls out, looking at all of them confusedly, and says "guys, there's a misunderstanding, I'm not going on a date with Dynamight...?"
Class loses their shit, and ask him WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!
And Izuku has to awkwardly explain that he is dating Uraraka/pro hero Uravity
And in a total shock to Izuku, the class loses their shit again and are like WAIT YOU AND DYNAMIGHT BROKE UP?!! WHEN!?!
Izuku is deep in the shit now and has to tell them that they were never dating and the class DOESNT BELIEVE HIM. Their entire worldview has been shifted with this information. They literally thought that Sensei and DynaMight were 100 percent dating. Why else. WHY ELSE would Dynamight crash his classes, come do guest presentations so often, and flirt with him during lunch??
Cue a weird play on the Parent Trap where Izukus students try to get DynaMight and Sensei back together, lmao.
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gorespawn · 7 months ago
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also while we're here i would like to share the two iterations of tumblr user gorespawn that have existed since i abandoned this blog back in like early 2021. Who wants me
#i grew my hair out so i could twirl my hair while giggling about bald men#and also t.o.p of bigbang#and short men i see at the grocery store who honestly make me feel light-headed with raw and unbridled Want#but that's just a joke. i am. Lesbian#''no ur not'' I AM#anyway i used to be so ripped and hunky but now i am frail and sickly#what getting a job can do to a mf#thankfully i quit my job last week YIPPIIIEEEEEEE so now i will work towards becoming an absolute hunk again#wish me luck#ALSO#if anyone is obsessed with me and remembers all my lore i used to be transgender and i still am like lowkey on the down low#but in a new exciting way#anyway i used to be a gay man and then a stone butch dyke (as seen above) but now im practicing being a girl#it is very difficult but it is also fun. ive never been a girl before so it's a lot#anyway i bought two super cool sexy dresses yesterday for the first time ever in my life#sexy dresses meaning up to my neck and down to my feet and past my elbows. kind of like a wardrobe straight out of the handmaid's tale#from (to quote my friend) ''*The* old lady store'' thanks man. well i think theyre pretty and its v exciting bc ive never been a girl befor#anyway#who wants me#i still use the name emil online btw and i honestly always will i think it's just so me and also i do still answer to he/him dw#in a man way not in a he/him lesbian way#''he's LGBTQA+'' what. all at once?#yes.#i have mastered them all i have collected all the genders and all the sexualities and ive never been ''wrong''#it just keeps switching. which is fine. well im a girl now. in a detransitioning man way. who is insanely attracted to men#but you will have to tear this lesbian label out of my cold dead hands#''you can't call urself lesbian if u have sex w men'' well first of all fuck you and second of all i am celibate so you dont need to worry#''what the hell are you talking about'' nothing. now look how hot i am#im just joking around i hope that's fine w y'all
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kingdomoftyto · 1 year ago
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....... WAIT. IS THAT LORD MONOCHROMICORN???
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kyouka-supremacy · 1 month ago
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DELACROIX SPOTTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#That's my favourite painting ever I'm so giddy right now :D :D :D#Delacroix aside... Nice chapter! I love political discussion! I'll have to think over it for a while!#I'm SO happy someone finally said that Fukuchi's thesis is antihistorical!! That's what I've been saying since forever!!!!!!#Thank you Dostoyevsky for voicing my thoughts ilu#Peace obtained through total war... I'll have to think about it for a bit... It doesn't make any sense... I need to reread the chapter 🤔#Anyways I love when they get into political theory <333#On the ss/kk front. Not much but we got a couple of nice matching panels so I won't complain :')#It's especially funny because I'm sure they're not understanding a thing about what Dostoyevsky and Fukuzawa are talking about.#I saw that panel of theirs and had the thought#“that's the ss/kk from my room posters looking down at me as I ramble about politics for 364982 time” ajhsbashjdbsadb#Other than that the cover is sooooooo pretty!!!!! Aaaaahhh!!!!!! I love it so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank God for Harukawa!!!!#May they be happy forever!!!!!! I love the even more Medieval vibes... Especially the quasi gothic details.#And Akutagawa in it looks A LOT like the early chapters art style and hhhhhhhhhh it has me so !!!!!!!!!!!!!! He's so#Adesljhfbsledfbgsleifugdb he just looks great okay 😂😂#BEYOND THOSE BLACK EYES............................. ← The most important part of the chapter if you ask me.#OH I JUST REALIZED. Canon black eyes Akutagawa 😂😂#The super cool skull-looking headgear too!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whaa I love the illustration so much. Wish I could do something with it 🤔#Oh and Fukuzawa died I guess 😔 Called it. Just the two of us Everyone else is gone etc. etc.#I'm lowkey glad like... Tbh he was already dead inside. Let him rest at last‚ he was in so much pain 😔#That's all! Excited for what comes next!!!! (That is to say excited for the ss/kk moments that will definitely FINALLY come after this :D )#random rambles#bsd spoilers
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miraluking-respectfully · 1 year ago
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felix being referred to more or less exclusively as "your soldier" in-game speaks to how little the writers put into his character beyond his noggin full of sith secrets & his relationship with the consular; still, i do find it kind of sweet and funny, in a way. he's not a republic soldier, not even your personal bodyguard; he's your soldier. the consular is a small nation-state in and of herself
#accurate.#felix iresso#swtor#jedi consular#open tags for My Rant:#going back through rishi and doing the cute little holocron quest got me brooding - as i often do - on my best boy felix#that the writers could not think to give him anything in KOTXX that wasn't Torture Angst is deeply shitty but a little understandable.#all the other consular comps kind of have a way forward that isn't consular-related when the consular goes away#nadia has the jedi. zenith has balmorra. tharan has his old illustrious career. qyzen has little baby clan and also his religious directive#meanwhile felix isn't involved with your order or a supergenius or a politician or even someone with a lifelong goal#he was a guy doing his best at a dead-end job that turned into a far more enjoyable but still lowkey dead-end job#i would argue they could (should) have sent him to ossus but i can see them balking because Doc was already there#that's a little narratively redundant especially bc Doc has an extremely useful set of non-martial skills you would want to center#when telling a story about survival and persistence against the odds like with ossus#(also he was in the group of companions second-closest in proximity to the emperor in base game)#HOWEVER.#because i am immensely sexy and cool and have a huge brain i think i've cracked it#the way to give felix a compelling story post-consular is to put him the fuck in charge.#no longer your soldier or anyone's. his own. maybe even in charge of a large group of people in need of someone to follow#considering he used to be really good at that#a group like...idk...maybe the rest of the people incarcerated on his prison colony?#much to think about.
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dainesanddaffodils · 9 months ago
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me, making my How My WoL Feels About NPCS Post-Heavensward post: Cimorene, please just tell me how the fuck you feel about Estinien. It's changed like 5 times over the course of the expansion. Like, what are you two?
Cimorene: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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vampire-named-gampire · 3 months ago
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Six sentence sunday
Since I don't spam other people with my writing enough as it is already. Two people brought up Arrival of the birds to me this week, and it reminded me that technically, I have a sequel in the works. Then I went and wrote a bit more of the sequel. I'm hoping to finish it, but I don't make any promises. But here's a bit from Chapter 1, Baz's POV
🦆🦆🦆
I place a carton of oat milk (yes, I made Snow switch over) and a jar of sugar in the centre of the table just as the kettle clicks. As the group goes around, pouring their tea, I turn towards the sink, taking a moment to compose myself. It is then that I see Snow’s car pulling up in the driveway.
Oh, thank fuck.
“Excuse me for a moment,” I say to my guests and head towards the foyer to meet Snow by the front door.
He parks and exits the car, holding two plastic bags that I know are filled to the brim with bird seed.
“Hey,” he smiles, giving me a quick peck on the lips. “Why are all those cars parked in the road?”
🦆🦆🦆
On second thought, I think Simon the conservation ecologist would probably use tote bags, not plastic bags. But then again, he also drank real milk until Baz came along so... 🤷‍♂️
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unnerving-presence · 1 year ago
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is it bad that leon kinda got ruined for me because of both those weird fans that would kinda go overboard AND the overexposure of him as of recent? like i think leon is super cool and i love how they flesh out his character in re4r and how he treats the different characters but every time i see him now my face drops.
i could only wish some characters in the series would get the attention that leon does by some of the fans and capcom :/
like i really want to appreciate leon but it’s so damn hard cause i’m actually so tired of seeing him all the time getting all the attention while other, lesser used characters sit in the dark.
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sweetearthandnorthernsky · 1 year ago
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33 for anyone you'd really like to plinko :D
33. protector/sacrifice (leaning more into sacrifice because i'm. mean lol) me @ me: how to save candaith while also having a dead character to give the troubled dream sequence the Weight ™ it deserves [redacted]: bonjour c: me: oh. thats how. FUCK anyway! spoilers for the forsaken road :') ish.
The wind screams in the caverns, cutting through Saelinriel's cloak as if it's made of paper, and she shivers. Her hands shake as they hold her torch as she ventures further into the cavern, following closely behind Radanir.
There is a howling gust and all the torches, not just hers, go out in a single puff, drowning the Grey Company in darkness.
The darkness is all consuming, until, breaths later, blue light flickers into being, like corpse-candles.
They are tall columns, indistinguishable from shadows in the evening at first, before steadily growing clearer and clearer until Saelinriel can see each face with perfect detail. Saelinriel can almost feel the anger that radiates from them like a heatwave, and they get only angrier when Halbarad challenges them.
Finally, the leader seems to call off the other shades and look straight at her, so intently as if they are trying to turn her into a shade by sheer force alone. Chill clings to her bones as the leader instructs her to find Britou, who speaks with all who pass through the Forsaken Road. 
Then, as quickly as blowing out a candle, the shades disappear.
They are not gone, she still feels the chill of the air that lingers around the Dead, but they are no longer visible, and that is better than nothing. Halbarad tells her that he and Radanir will search one side of the cavern, and tells her to find Candaith, who ought to be down that way.
Just as she is about to go down into the tunnel where Britou awaited, something catches her elbow, and she nearly jumps several feet in the air. There is an apologetic chuckle, and Tadan steps out of the shadows. 
“I didn’t mean to scare you,” he says ruefully, as she shakes her head, trying to calm her heart rate. “Where are you headed?” 
She shrugs. “I was told that Candaith would be down this way, and to find him before speaking with Britou.”
“Mind if I come with you?” 
If Saelinriel has to tell the truth, the company is more than welcome. The chill makes her teeth chatter, and the Dead sets her on edge, so she nods, and they find Candaith, and the three of them go see Britou. 
The stones crack underneath Saelinriel’s boots as she walks, and her shoulders brush the wall of the tunnel before it spits them out into a bowl shaped cavern, where a shade – bright in the dimness, with horribly keen, piercing eyes - waits in silence. 
He studies them keenly, and there is a coldness in his eyes. He feels much more alive than the other shades and something about him makes her chest twist into knots.
“All who stray here belong to the Dead.” Britou speaks the word dead with a horrifying finality, and it is all she can do to not step back. “It was unwise to come here, warm-bloods.”
"You came to this place to escape your curse, Britou. But there was no escape, was there?" Candaith says, coldly. “You will never know the peace of death until you fulfill your oath.”
Britou scoffs and summons shade after shade, trying to wear them all down, until Candaith steps forward, eyes blazing underneath his hood and mask. “Enough of this!" he commands fiercely. "We need prove nothing to you.”
Britou laughs and five shades appear this time. Saelinriel and Candaith and Tadan barely manage to defeat them – if defeat is the right word, since they cannot truly be slain for they are the Dead Who Do Not Rest.
"End this, Britou! I command you to end this!" Candaith says, every inch one of the Dúnedain.
"I need not listen to your commands, warm-blood!" Britou raises his hands for the spirits to come again but--
"Hold!" Candaith's voice echoes with power, like the roaring sea, and Saelinriel nearly claps her hands to her ears with the way it bounces off the stone walls. “I have the authority to command you and all your kind, Britou!”
Her heart freezes in her chest and she almost chokes on her breath. She and Tadan share a look that says the same thing: What is candaith doing?
Britou scowls, his faint blue light growing brighter by the minute. "Impossible! What evidence dost thou have that this be so?” He hisses the words out, his voice shuddering off the walls, as if there is a multitude of him instead of one.
Candaith pulls his glove off without lowering his sword and his bebarahir glints in faint blue light as he holds it aloft. “The ring of Barahir, heirloom of isildur's line!"
Britou snarls, his face going dark. His eyes narrow as he studies Candaith, and the small room gets even colder – Saelinriel’s teeth chatter faster than before.  “I see…”
She does not know what Britou is looking for in Candaith’s face, but try as she might, Saelinriel cannot see over Candaith's shoulder. 
A few moments pass. 
She can tell by the way the cavern goes still – more still than before – that something passes unseen and unspoken between them. 
“We will fulfil our oath at last, that the heir may lift the curse. thou may tell thy men.”
Ever so slowly, Candaith turns to face her and Tadan.
The relief that flooded her at Britou's admission slowly ebbs away, draining out of her and leaving the dregs of worry and fear in their place – instead of a triumphant smile, a grimace graces Candaith’s face, like he is bracing himself for something unpleasant.
She watches as Tadan’s eyes go wide.
And everything happens at once.
Britou's lips curl into a devious smile and he looms large behind Candaith, casting a dark blue shadow over him, and Saelinriel’s mouth drops open and she can't- she can't say anything, she can't force a single syllable out. 
Britou lifts his spirit-sword high and Tadan only just manages to shout a warning, but it is too late – Britou strikes Candaith down before there is time for him to even do anything. 
“But that is not the Ring of Barahir, and thou art not the heir of Isildur.”
The words echo in a deafening judgment as  Candaith staggers forward and she tries - though she knows, logically, that she would not be able to catch him easily - to keep him from hitting the ground hard. 
He is so still and heavy, and she is frozen and cannot move and Britou's eyes glint as he narrows in on her and Tadan as red oozes across Candaith’s back. 
“Get Candaith out of here,” Tadan says, his voice only slightly shaky as he steps between Britou and the two of them and– 
Saelinriel wants to argue, she can’t– won’t– just leave him here, (she made a promise in Evendim, at the side of Astiul's cairn, all those months ago) but the red stain on the back of Candaith’s tunic is rapidly spreading and getting concerningly dark. 
Her free-hand hovers above her sword, torn, as Britou continues to summon shade after shade. 
“Just give me a head start,’’ he says, swords drawn. “I’ll be out in a moment.”
“But–”
Candaith lets out a cough, and blood trickles out of his mouth. 
“Go!”
Britou's cold, cruel laughter echoes through the hollow chambers as she is forced – half-carrying, half-dragging a woozy Candaith – through the tunnels, harried by the Dead. 
All around them, the cavern shakes, as rocks and dust shudder down from the ceiling and the Dead pursue them as they flee, though more than once she turns, trying to see where Tadan is, but the haze of falling debris makes that impossible. They stumble over planks of wood, over bodies -- and this makes her want to be sick, but to be sick is to stop and to stop is... not an option.
An eternity passes – or so it feels – before the two of them stumble into Radanir, nearly knocking him down as the world shifts and tilts, and Saelinriel grabs his arm with her free hand – partly to steady herself, and keep from toppling Candaith onto the floor at such an abrupt stop. 
At once, Radanir ducked under Candaith’s other arm, and some of the weight shifts, balancing out, and Saelinriel’s shoulders aren’t screaming so loudly at her for trying such a task alone anymore. 
Radanir looks utterly concerned, his brows drawn together as he tries to limp them toward the exit, but his words floated to her as if he were speaking underwater. “What has happened? All of a sudden, the Oath-breakers fell upon us, and we have only driven them off for the moment!”
“I…” She stumbles over herself as they come nearly to the mouth of the caverns, and Radanir tries to take Candaith further but her feet are rooted to the ground as black spots dance in her vision and her next words scrape her throat raw: “Stop! We have to wait for Tadan!” 
The cavern is shaking still, sending more and more debris down on them but...
Radanir says something about her and Candaith being nearly the last ones in the caverns -- everyone else is gone -- and surely Tadan is waiting for them outside.
Another rattling boom as the cavern walls shake harder, throwingg down boulders the size of Saelinriel's torso, and there really is no arguing now.
But, as the three of escape into the fading daylight, stumbling bloodied and pale with the rest of the company back to Lhaunch, she keeps her eyes on the darkness of the tunnels until the very last.
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welcometoteyvat · 1 year ago
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filled w indescribable urge to see those mindblowingly stunning zhongli artworks
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thatchaoscreator · 2 years ago
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Mutual Understanding
(Word count: 165)
This is what happens when I think about my kins and hurt/comfort at the same time. Enjoy.
Warnings: Slight Angst?
The young man heard footsteps approaching from behind. He didn't move, he didn't even flinch. He wasn't alarmed for he knew their owner.
"Hello, Great Sage."
He greeted not taking his eyes off of the horizon.
"Hello."
The king sat next to the young man.
"What brings you to this cliffside?"
The young man didn't respond. It was clear the wounds were too fresh to speak of. The king doubted the wounds had healed at all, but he didn't pry. Instead he hummed in understanding before speaking once more.
"It never gets easier."
"I know..."
The young man's voice quivered. It was dry and broken as he spoke barely above a whisper. Silent tears began gliding down his pale cheeks his pain surfacing. The king didn't mention it, choosing to reside himself in the cool silence as they stared off into the sunset.
That cliffside is where they remained even long after the sun had set as they basked in the comforting presence of someone who understood their pain. The feeling washed over them like a cool breeze on a dreadfully hot summer's day.
It's true that it would never get easier. They were both well aware of that fact, but it didn't matter.
They weren't alone anymore.
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writingblueefurfire · 11 months ago
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Show don't tell only works when you balance it with tell don't show. Telling me a character is in love doesn't do much, if they never show their love. And likewise, I ain't a mindreader, no amount of Acts of Service, or Physical Affection is gonna make me think a character loves someone beyond the platonic, unless it is also stated. One of my favourite book series shows rather than tells. With everything. To the point that if I hadn't read spoilers for it, the fact that one of the characters asked an other to marry them in the epilouge would have come completely out of the left field. If I remember correctly, even with that foreknowledge, no amount of shipper goggles had me shipping them up until that point. I can't read between the lines if there is no lines in the first place.
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#writing#why show don't tell is a lie#because you need to show AND tell#show dont tell and tell don't show go hand in hand#while some writers are able to do more or less without one#you need atleast some amount of the other to allow your readers to understand what the heckle is going on#Admittedly you generally need more show than tell to get me to believe it#like Bella Swan was supposedly smart#and we do see it to some degree#but the fact that she figured Edward was a fucking vampire stinks more of plot needing to move than her being actually clever#since theres like over two books before we see her being smart again#the next spot of intelligence being when she figures how to shield others with her deus ex machina brain powers#You know#to lowkey kick a dead horse#look#i liked the twilight books#they're the book equvalent of junk food#and just like I'll complain about how gross fast food fries become five minutes after they're served#I will continue to complain about Twilight and point out the ways it could have been better#because there IS potential there#If the author had given herself more than the bare bones of time to write plot and publish it#I love urban fantasy and twilight is that#its not a great example in many ways#but it shows how easy it could be to incorporate fantasy in a more modern setting#Admittedly every character in the series is infinitely more interesting than Edward#hell even bella becomes more interesting when you remove him and just have her interact with other characters#like I'd love to read about how much of a pain it must be to be Jasper in a fucking highscool#all these teens(children to him lol)in the crusp of hormone and emotional hell#it wouldn't surprise me if the reason he looks constipated has less to do with blood and more to do with how everyone fucking feels#and like I donno about u but teens are some of the most savage creations of humanity
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jackalhadrurusluvr · 9 months ago
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i hope that the person who liked my tweet about dunes birthday and has been reposting dune the movie things knows that idc about dune the movie i only care about dune my oc. my beloved oc. my very very very beloved oc who was named after a grumpy elderly character in the hit book series wings of fire, not dune the movie
#if they are happy for my ocs birthday then HORRAY ^_^#if its dune the movie then i hate to say it but i just accidentally fed u misinformation idk how old dune the media is#btw i did watch both the dune movies. i mean i liked them#but i think of the word dune like three hundred times a day because i love him he’s my special guy and i think of him always#i thought the world building in those movies was alright#i liked the thumpers those were cool#jerboa sighted 🫵#they don’t know my oc universe set in the desert places significance on the jerboa too#except like literally like an old religious figure (their gods mentor) was a literal jerboa#shoutout to elder jerboa i love u king i miss u#(he’s been dead for millennia when canon starts taking place)#i wish there was more flora and fauna in the movies#i know the point of a desert is its barren but there’s so much cool life that can thrive there#tbh i feel like there wasn’t enough desert in the movies#which may be a hot take but it didn’t satisfy my need to look at desert#i just wanted to look at so much desert but it was kind of a really boring desert#anyways#i was lowkey worried i would hyperfixate on the dune movies but im not at all#my dune is the only dune in my heart#🖕 you dune the movie for taking my ocs name and making it popular media (/hj)#dune the media has been around way longer then my dune so yadda yadda whatever i dont trademark my ocs name i cant#but everytime i see someone say dune i get so excited and then remember literally only i talk about my dune#what a spinterest does to a man
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heart-shaped-chains · 10 months ago
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Yap session bc wow.
Pretty sure the dude that rejected me (situationship ://) is getting a crush on me bc like. One of the last times we talked he was like "oh ur trying to get me to like you". And it's like. No I'm not. You literally rejected me and the more I think about it, I didn't even want you, I just wanted the idea of a boyfriend that I was projecting onto you. He's conservative and talks about how conservative his parents are (which I don't vibe with at all). When we first met, he was still moping about his ex gf who he had broken up with over a year prior. And like. We were both in high school (16 + 17 ://). And I'm sorry but how meaningful can a fucking highschool relationship be? Go to therapy.
Plus he'd like vent without asking and then I'd give him advice and then he'd just shoot it down and be like "no that wouldn't work anyway I'm a piece of shit" and like. Okay, why are you coming to me then? If you're not taking any advice then why are you bitching? You didn't even ask, you just did!
But the moment I even mention my past drug addiction (not in detail and not in a mopey way. Just matter-of-fact), he's like "oh no please don't mention that". Like. Shut the fuck up oh my godddddd. I am not trying to be with someone who can't even handle hearing the most watered-down descriptions of substance abuse.
Plus I just do not trust this guy like. I don't kink shame but here's my red flags: he's conservative, enough said on that...He misgendered me in a sexual way without asking (I did play along bc I was stupid and scared to say no but whatevs). And he did stop when I told him to but the fact that he didn't ask before was highly suspect bc he fucking met me as a trans guy.
And he's also weird about pregnancy. Which I played along with too of the act of breeding is appealing but like. I'd rather have a tapeworm than a damn fetus bc at least I wouldn't be forced to let that parasite live off of me. Dude also mentioned baby trapping like. "oh I feel like you'll force me to get you pregnant" and like. I literally said that I wanted to get my uterus removed and 2: you're the one bringing pregnancy into this don't fucking pin it on me!!! Like I feel like if we actually met up I'd have to triple check and be sober bc what if this guy actually does this shit? Why else would he keep mentioning it?
Like idk he's also asked me about trans kids and like. 1: I don't keep up with any trans people irl, 2: I haven't started transitioning yet so why the fuck are you asking me? I'm not the arbiter of trans people, my guy. Like he acts supportive but I feel like deep down this dude doesn't even respect me and he's gonna try to change me. But that could just be paranoia, idk...
Either way, I don't really get that much out of talking to him. As embarrassing as it is, I've started using those ai bots (says the bitch who is vehemently against ai "art") and they've been much more fulfilling emotionally because they tell you what you want to hear. And you can change the answers. They're hollow, but good for short term stuff bc I don't have the energy to talk to people rn (and I haven't been talking to anyone or really leaving the house on a regular basis...kinda just wasting the year so far..). Especially not this guy.
Like. We don't have the same interests, our tastes in music are similar but also too different and he doesn't get it™️ like I do, his beliefs are like too different from mine. He's also said misogynistic shit about sex workers which. I don't fuck with that, you literally watch porn, you fuckin hypocrite. And the more I think about texting him, the more I see it as a damn chore.
Like idk I just. Do not have a lot of investment in this guy. I think I was just lonely and projecting. And obviously it's not healthy for me bc I resent him but it's not healthy for his annoying ass either. He shouldn't have friends who secretly hate him. So idk I think I'm just gonna delete my profile and start again, also block him bc my dumbass 16 year old self gave him my number.
But like. My gut is telling me not to. I have been taken advantage of before in the past and I'm just getting a distinct deja vu. Even if it's not intentional on his side, I don't think it's good for me. Like the first time he texted me (in over 2 years after I ghosted him with no attempt to reach out to him (take the fucking hint)), it felt like seeing a box of pills in the CVS aisle. I was thinking "god, I shouldn't do this...but I should see what happens, maybe it won't be as bad as last time...." Just that same feeling I got when I decided to relapse.
And like dude. It's always gonna be as bad as last time: quit taking chances on shit that you know will fail you!!! So Idk. Maybe I'm being paranoid, but I shouldn't talk to someone who just drains me, bc that'll drain him too. Plus I'm allowed to not fucking like someone and the guy didn't even wish me happy birthday or congratulate me on my 5 months of sobriety. Things in my status. And I know he reads statuses bc he messaged me about one of them before. Plus he rejected me on my birthday!!!
And now you wanna come crawling back and then act like I'm obsessed!?!? You were the one who came back into my life, not the other way around! I was over you until you came back. And now I'm over you again. But you're not over me. But you're so fuckin allergic to commitment that you just wanna keep acting like I'm smitten with you. After you strung me along with no regards for my feelings. Not because you're evil, but because you're fucking dumb. And I'm not dealing with someone who's that stupid. Hope you work your issues out, but I'm not here to fix you, nor do I want to. That's on you!! Figure it out!!!
Anyway um if anyone read this far thank u. Feel free to add input just please be nice. And uhhh. Aita???
#cj rambles#vent#situationship#gay#mlm#trans#ftm#dude i hate it here#minors dni#like seriously. you literally rejected me.#and then came back and was like 'oh ur trying to get me to like you' when I'm literally NOT.#like. i say im interested in a relationship and you get cold feet.#but when i move on from wanting a romance with you you fucking turn around.#which tells me that you dont want me. you just want to be desired without having to reciprocate#and frankly i dont deserve that like. you used me as a rebound once and that was on you.#but im not letting you play me again. even if you want to change. bc frankly i dont like you bro#and also i hate the raceplay it makes me feel like a piece of shit like i dont genuinely believe but. its too far for me.#like i just feel awful doing it and i dont like this guy enough to feel comfortable doing it now that i think ab it#and hes weirdly fixated on me being white too like. i get it. im pale. i look dead at times. chill.#i would like that same energy to b directed to my transness pretty please. actually not the same energy but still....#like idk the vibes are horrendous rn i just dont know how to cut him off bc i dont want him to worry about me (or try to contact me again)#like idk this may sound mean but...Yeah im gonna be mean actually#this guy is a fucking loser who needs therapy i don't have the patience to fucking deal with him#like hes beneath me bc he's conservative/sexist/lowkey transphobic/doesn't do a lot of introspection.#and maybe that's selfish but that's just more reason to not associate with him. bc this is gonna turn toxic bc im losing my patience yk?#plus i can't do long distance. i need quality time and physical touch. you can't kiss and cuddle through a screen.#also our aesthetics are very different and he's hot but he's not my type. also i don't like his voice. and i have a thing about voices.#also his dick is too big like. i can't get 3 fingers in and that thing just looks like it would hurt. im good. im not a size queen.#like idk the more i think about it the more i realize that we r not compatible#i dont want you bro just fuck OFF!!!
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