I was wondering if there are any rare happy ritsu moments in ur zombie au since hes always miserable I think,, like is he always miserable or is he happy/not miserable and feeling kinda good sometimes?
VWHDGDGD NO YEAH OFC HE'S HAPPY SOMETIMES im just horrible and enjoy putting him through misery
ive never been able to get a genuine smile to look right on his face in my art style either i think thats part of it. as ive said his face is just built to be mildly uncomfortable and bothered and i lean into it sm it's starting to get kinda funny
but yes ritsu is happy plenty! i think, canonically, he just seems like the type of person to me that tends to turn lemonade back into lemons. he's easy to scare and his first reaction to things is often Dread and Anxiety. he dwells on the negatives a lot and seems to be a "hope for the best, expect the worst," kinda guy, but there's a section in this post abt shigeo always loving the little things in life, and ritsu steadily learns throughout the journey on how to do that and how healing it can rly be. even if he had to grow up too fast during this whole thing and learn things a kid should never have to, the journey also gave him some good insight and lessons in other places! ritsu is smart, he figures it all out
in terms of little things here n there he's the happiest lil guy on the planet when he finds one of his favorite foods—swings his legs while he sits and munches on a kitkat bar like he's got absolutely nothin in the world to worry abt. sometimes mob does smth funny that he laughs at; for the longest time i've had this silly image in my head of mob accidentally knocking down a bucket from a store shelf and it lands on his head and he just kinda stands there and makes noises.when the noises continue out of pure curiosity about the weird echoey quality it's giving them ritsu cannot help but lose it
besides tiny things tho, when tome comes around ritsu in general is a lot happier, just cuz he has somebody to talk to that will actually respond in some way. they're sorta reluctant partners in crime at first (at least on ritsu's end) but over time and over bonding they grow to rly like each other's presence. they bicker constantly but it's almost always fond eventually, and they shove each other and playfight until mob gets antsy enough to get worked up about it. rly, tome is a godsend to ritsu's mental health—after months and months of being effectively alone with his thoughts, he finally has another person to converse with. a person His Age, too!
tome is rly good at knowing when ritsu is thinkin himself into oblivion and she's Also rly good at being the most annoying girl on the planet to yank him outta that and replace any misery with Oh My God Get Off Me You Freak. she doesn't even do this on purpose at first, but over time she learns how to tell when he's thinking too hard and, ofc, she's grown attached and she cares, so she's as obnoxious as possible to lighten the mood
when they find reigen n teru, ritsu gradually gets Much happier still. now that he knows they're safe and the gang is finally back together (and now that there's an Adult present and he can relax a lil and let himself be taken care of) his stress levels r exponentially lowered. having teru back is another instant lift to his mood—im always a big fan of teru and ritsu friendship, and i think adding tome to their dynamic simply makes it more chaotic. truly a trio of the 3 most normal teenagers in existence which will surely bring nothing but good (reigen sweats offscreen)
actually this makes me feel bad for forever torturing him im gonna go draw happy zau ritsus brb ,.,.ok imback <3
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They couldn’t interact with each other for 3 days. And finally president Thena is able to face time her secret boyfriend. Some sweet and soft moment between them!
"Goodnight, ma'am."
Thena waited until her temporary security exited the room. It was completely secured, no risk of a security breach. She had a whole team of secret service outside, since her usual security wasn't by her side.
Gil was, unfortunately, required to act as her second amidst all the business they were conducting on this particular political trip. He was already back at the office, as of right now. She would be home tomorrow, but her flights required a whole other league of security clearance to take off, let alone land.
She slid into bed, hoping the trip tomorrow would go ahead as planned. She couldn't wait to be home. Her phone lit up in the completely dark room provided for her. She accepted the call with a smile, "hey, you."
"Hey," Gil's smiling face greeted her. He was at home, in the apartment of his that she missed (which she wasn't allowed to visit anymore).
Just seeing him relaxed her. She moved somewhat to her side, using the many, many pillows on the bed to support her comfortably. "How was your day there?"
"Everything is all wrapped up, you should be able to come home without issue," he promised, also reclining on the bed of his she also remembered. "What about you?"
She sighed through her nose. There was no need for any facades with Gil. "Exhausted--I can't wait until this trip is over. I don't want to travel for at least another month."
"I'll see what I can do about that, sweetheart," he chuckled, sounding more like himself and less like the presidential aide. He reclined, stretching his arm back to rest behind his head. "They set you up nice there, at least?"
Thena glanced around the darkened room. "It's perfectly acceptable for my position. I told them I didn't care the state of the room so long as it was secure."
"And the wifi is safe?"
"Yes," she rolled her eyes, although her smile was affectionate. "The team did a full sweep and told me it was completely safe for 'classified' calls."
"Ooh, classified," he grinned at her, "warn me if you wanna talk dirty, hon."
Thena laughed as well. She loved Gil's sense of humour. And she had no idea how it had remained in tact through the past year of their lives. But she valued it even more so, given everything that had happened. "You are highly, highly classified."
He tilted his head at her, and she could almost imagine him doing that in person, tilting his head while she was resting on his shoulder with his heavy arm draped around her waist. "Hey."
"I know," she cut off his admonishment before it could even happen. She rested her chin on her hand, tilting the phone, "I just miss you."
"I miss you too, Thena," he sighed heavily, and she could hear the tiredness there where it was missing in his face. "But tomorrow you'll be back in my arms, safe and sound."
If only she could be. If only she were allowed to run off the blasted Eagle and collapse right into his embrace. She couldn't be certain, but surely having him truly by her side could help her endure the next three years.
"Soon," he promised her. He shifted on the bed again, "hey, y'know, I drove by your old place?"
"Oh?" Thena smiled to herself as she gripped the pillow a little tighter (a poor substitute for Gil in bed with her).
"You remember?"
Thena bit back another laugh but didn't interrupt as he began narrating the beginnings of this affair-turned-serious-relationship they had. "So sentimental."
"I'll take that as a 'go on, honey', so I will," he chuckled, also switching positions so they could feel more like they were lying facing each other. "I drove you home after a pretty stressful day."
"You told me I didn't have to accompany you inside, to which I replied that was literally my job, ma'am. I had never been in your apartment before, and it smelled really nice. Of course, I didn't realise at the time that you were also battling your attraction to me, fighting your every instinct to remain professional instead of giving into the tension between-"
"Gil," she prompted, knowing that if she didn't interrupt him at this point he would start concocting a story that would put serial novelists to shame.
"Anyway, I took your coat off, I asked if you were okay," he continued, sighing as he reached his favourite part of the story. "You told me to stop asking you that, but when you turned around--god!"
Thena shook her head as he exclaimed unnecessarily loudly.
"You were so beautiful," he finished, looking at her so earnestly that if he weren't doing so through a screen she might blush. "You were way too beautiful, and I did the unthinkable, and I leaned in and kissed you."
How could she forget? How could she ever forget the night that had changed her life so completely? All this time reminding herself to never think of her very attractive secret service handler in such a way, and then he leaned in and kissed her.
Gil always said that they ended up doing what they did that night because he had made that first move, but Thena knew that it was she who had looped her hands behind his neck and slid her tongue between his lips.
It was she who had pulled him to the direction of her bedroom.
"You ever think about that?"
"On occasion," she fibbed with a smile, earning a smile from him in return as well. He knew very well that was her way of saying that she thought of it just as often as he did, and that she loved him too.
"Well, I think about it whenever I want a little pick me up," he concluded, finally laying his head on the pillow she also remembered.
"Hm," she mused, and she could tease him about how of course he would think of the lascivious tryst they had that first night. But she was just as guilty of thinking about it regularly. "I suppose I think more often of the night at the plaza."
The night when they went from handler and protectee crossing a professional line to a couple firmly in a secret relationship. They were staying at the plaza while on business. There was a suspected breach, so Gil went to Thena's room to make sure she was safe.
And once again, she had taken that one step further and asked if he was going to stay. He had declined, stating he was there on business--to protect her. And she had felt so put out by that rejection that it had amounted to her making some offhanded comment about having both a part time guard and a part time boyfriend.
It had mortified her in the moment, but it was Gil who had stated very clearly that he was full time in both of those positions.
"Ah, the second best night of my life," Gil sighed dramatically, really having fun with it now."
"Are you still continuing down memory lane?" she asked, reclining completely.
"Sure," he obliged, knowing what she was asking. "What next?"
"Hm," she sighed, her eyes sliding closed slowly as she stared at the substitute for the man she loved onscreen. "How about...the diplomatic dinner in Switzerland?"
"Oh, that was a great night," Gil began, watching as she let herself be lulled to sleep by his voice recounting the most romantic milestones of their relationship. "I remember being on the way, snow falling, landing in your hair-"
Thena dozed off slowly, listening to the lullaby of Gil's voice.
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The point (one of them) is that both Aziraphale and Crowley actually think they the smartest one in any given situation. And since I relate to Aziraphale much more today I get fixated on his brand of superiority. He starts his journey with rebellion from pretty tame "I don't get why they makes this desisions and it's look horrible on surface evel but I'm sure that they get best ineterests of everyone involved in their hearts and it's probably me the one that didn't get some oblivious detail" to "oh okay I'm sure it's some kind of misundestanding and we can all talk it out as adults because we there work on same goals" to frustrated "they won't ever listen to me and I will get in trouble for arguing and it will be better for everyone if I will make my desisions in secret and go behind their backs because I just can't let THEM make desisions that will destroy everything". It's not straightforward, I'm 30 and still circulate sometimes between "what if it's me the one that wrong aout everything" and "god HOW people can be THAT stupid", but I remember going throught this stages first as good and obedient kid with really stupid parents making stupid desisions and later with school, govermnet, activist spaces etc.
And the problem is, I was the smartest person in the room enough time to develop issues, and Aziraphale lives like his for 6000 years at least. I can only imagine how many times he thought "if only Starmaker listen to me and didn't Fall", "if only God listened to me and didn't make an Apocalypse happen", "if only Heavens listened to me and didn't did this or that that thing", "if only Crowley listen to me and understand in what kind of danger we can get", "if only that human listened to me and haven't dig the body", etc etc. It's awful, to be the one who always gets to say "I told you so", especially when there's such awful consequenses you can't even feel satisfaction, and you will be the one to clen this mess up (and Aziraphae will clean, or better try to prevent). Now, it's of course leads to issues. BIG issues.
1) It's really hard to stop being plotting and maciavellian and communicate things properly when you expect that person will at best argue with you, at worst punish you and double down on their stupid desisons and you will clean this mess up. It also really hard to stop trying to control everything because you already accepted that everything is your responsibility and everyone else would just make things worse. (as someone that relates to Aziraphale I think he did so much progress there, the levels or trust he shows Crowley are amazing for two beings that probably last time heard of psychotherapy when Freud was alive. but such trust is fragile thing, one misstep and you back on your "it will be better if I do everything alone" bullshit. I'm not saying it's good. I'm also not saying that it's bad. it's just how things work)
2) It makes you overstep other people authonomy, because, again, it would be better for everyone if they did what you think best for them. It works funny wih Aziraphale because yes he's all for free choices for humanity!! NOW GO AND DO SMART CHOICES DAMN YOU!!! WHY YOU DON'T PICK THE THING THAT WOULD BE SMART TO PICK I HATE YOU ALL. That's where me and Aziraphale difer a little because at least I somewhat good at stepping into other people shoes and understand why they do what they do. But angel there is autistic (or bad at this specific thing for other reasons), so I think when people he consider reasonable doesn't agree with him for their own reasons he ge's really baffled, like, there arE correct opinion and it's mine, WHY are you being difficult?? to spite me?? And I'm sure that half of the reason why Aziraphale's so comfortable with Crowley is that he perfectly happy to let him buly or manipulate him into doing things Aziraphale picks as right. Usually Crowley know where pick his battles and how to play long game to make Aziraphale agree for really important stuff he wants from him, but otherwise? Sure he will complain how he hates Hamlet but they will watch Hamlet, and Aziraphale will be very pleased with himself. (and than there goes final fifteen and we back at "but WHY won't ypu agree with thing I pick or us IT'S GOOD AND RESONABLE THING" and we should be happy that consent is something that imporant for our angel ok? he would be angry with Crowley for picking wrong but he won't make him do what he doesn't want. they respect each other like that.)
3) It makes you really really tired and tense. You control everything, unfortunately the longer you do it the more things starts really depedend on you, you can't let go, you don't know anyone that can share this burden with you because first they should prove that they won't blow his up and for this you should share at least something with them, but what is they would blow it up? Better be safe than sorry. And look when it's my problems it's credit cards and doctor appointmens and with Aziraphale we talk about people dying. Crowley dying. Now, as I said, he actually shows Crowley so. much. trust. for someone with such issues. Because Crowley was there for 6000 years, and he proved himself capable enough times. But still there's areas where let go and not worry would be impossible for Aziraphale, Crowley's safety being one of such things (you see, you can risk with your life when you deal with your problems because whatever you will clean shit up if needed, but if someone close to you hurt themself?? it's YOUR problem too but it will be SO MUCH HARDER to clean. I think when Aziraphale points to Crowley that hell would be harder on him than he can expect heavens to punish him, it's partially because he believes it's true and partially because he knows how to minimize harm when heavens angry with him but HOW can he do this for Crowley??). Anyway. Lol. The more I think about it the more I sure that Crowley without Aziraphale would be a miserable angry dick, and Aziraphale wihout Crowley would be dead, because it was the one person that kept him one tiny slip away from total burn out.
So yeah there's a lot of posts about how angry heartbroken etc Crowley will be with Aziraphale (I don't agree but that's for other post), less posts about how sad and heartbroken will be Aziraphale, but I hope to see Azyraphale being angry too (it they will be angry with each other at all). Not only for not picking him or leaving or making everything messy and emotional and wasting their first kiss at their fight etc, but also because Aziraphale was trusting him! Trusting that he get another resonable adult in team with him! Someone who he can trust to make resonable desisions and see his ideas as clever and him as capable and being willing to go to the end of the world with him with mild complaints and than!! When he did trust him to understand!! He was like everyone else!! Unresonable and emotional and angry with him and why he asked him at all he should've do it secretly and alone as always and it would've be as usual and it wouldn't hurt but it was Crowley that taught him to trust and to ask him for help!! Breaking his perfectly fine coping mechanisms!! It's all his faut if you think about it huh?? (but of course he's already forgiven. but also Aziraphale would do what he needs to do alone this time, as one and only capable adult in the world.)
Anyway it's not a meta it's just some late night thoughts. And it's in no way whole analizis there's so much more problems inside this angel. It's just something in particular that resonated with me today. Also it's not in any way critisizm of him, mind you, because a) he does really the smartest person in the room most of the time and b) I LOVE how fucked up in the head he is!!! I think he needs to become even more fucked up actually!!! and Crowley should love him for that and I will cheer for him from sidelines!!!
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