#Then again the truth is that if I wished to see more women in action I should just watch something else 😭😭😭

[sskk-manifesto]

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[sturnmeovr]

♡‧₊˚ Babydaddy!Chris x Sweetheart!Reader - Dedicated

It is highly recommended to read Delusional before continuing.

🎵 Soul Ties (remix) - Savannah Cristina

“Yea he’s not leaving anytime soon,” your best friend sounds from the next room, her stale tone of voice makes it obvious she’s annoyed at the fact that Chris’ car hadn’t moved an inch from the parking spot it was in the night before. Your plan was to stay hidden away in your best friend's house for as long as you possibly could, knowing any conversation with your babydaddy would either leave you in tears or wrapped around his finger once again — you wanted neither. The open kitchen layout gave you a clear view into her living room where she was peeking thru the blinds. You lift your head from your hands and let out a hefty sigh, “he’s still out there?”

“I don’t think he ever left,” she tells you before whirling around to face your direction, “pathetic – dedicated but pathetic,” she snorts, no emotion showing in her voice until she sets her eyes on you. Her tight-lipped smirk falls to a frown as a sympathetic look washes over her face, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

You force a smile, shaking your head at her, “it's okay. You’re allowed to have your own opinion on him.” It was the truth. She saw it all, from the beginning until now – she watched yours and Chris’ relationship flourish, she was the first person you told about your pregnancy beside him, she was the one to pick you and put you back together the first time Chris cheated. Now, she’s here doing the same thing once again but this time she’s comforting her very heartbroken, very pregnant, nearly due, best friend. She had every right to hate him. You just wished she could give some of the hatred she had for Chris to you because no matter what he did, you couldn’t hate him if you tried. You were too in love with him. 

Chris’ dedication to stay camped outside of your besties house wasn’t helping you hold the grudge that you wanted to so badly. You knew he needed to be held accountable for his actions but the longer you stayed away from him, the more you missed him. Not to mention the pregnancy hormones that raged thru your body, it felt like your heart had your brain in a headlock. He had been texting your phone every other hour on the dot, making your heart ache each time another text from Chris delivers to your phone. A thick silence falls across the room as your phone chimes on command, you and your best friend eyeballing each other across the kitchen island. You let out another sigh before flipping your phone face down, knowing anything that man said to you was just going to convince you more to take him back, you didn’t want to see another lame ass, “I’m sorry” or “please talk to me.” You just wanted time to think.  

“Maybe talking to him won’t be such a bad idea,” your best friend eases, “Bean is coming soon, and you guys at least need to be on talking terms before he gets here.” One thing you loved about her was her logical thinking, but she just didn’t understand. You were grateful for her being there and helping you thru the emotional roller coaster you had been on the last twenty-four hours. One minute you were in tears and the next you were pissed at Chris. Pissed at him for letting other women on social media cloud his judgement. You knew Chris’ lifestyle came with plenty of women throwing themselves at him, but you didn’t think he’d stoop down to that level, not when you were pregnant anyway. 

It made you wonder if he continued to text other women after the first time he was caught, had he been in other bitches DMs your whole pregnancy? The thought made your stomach weak and head woozy.

As much as you wanted to stay hidden in the comfort of your best friend's home, you knew Chris wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon, not until you talked to him. All the time you two were in this situation before, Chris was always one to give you your space. This time it was different, you were pregnant with his son; he couldn’t just stay home while you sat heartbroken, and he wasn’t leaving the spot he was in unless you were coming with him.

"One reply won't hurt," your best friend adds on, breaking you out of your train of thoughts, "don't give in too quickly. He deserves the meanest version of you right now, remember that!" her voice calls after you as you get up from your seat. You smooth a hand over your bump, slugging to the next room while you unlock your phone to read Chris' text messages.

You lock your phone, shoving it into your pants pocket before heading to the foyer, slipping on your shoes and calling out to your bestie, "going to talk to him!" Even though you were dreading the conversation that was to come. You weren't accepting any unkept promises this time. As much as you craved more information, it was unlikely you'd get it. You knew Chris, and you knew you'd be playing detective if you wanted to get anything else out of him.

The fresh morning breeze hits you as you make your way outside, your pregnancy waddle making itself known with each step you take. Your heart thumps violently in your chest as you set your eyes on a very messy looking Chris taking long strides to the passenger side door, yanking it open and waiting for you with eager eyes. The sight of him makes you feel like you could vomit at any moment, the feeling of uncertainty lies deep in your gut. You take a deep breath, trying to collect yourself as you approach his car, making sure you don't meet his gaze as you sink down in your seat.

You watch as Chris shuts the door, his bottom lip clamped between his teeth as he runs a hand thru his hair, quickly moving on his feet to the driver's side. It was obvious he hadn't slept all night. Chris sported his classic sleepy, messy-haired look many times before, but the bags under his eyes told everyone his lack of sleep was stress related.

Chris runs another hand thru his hair, letting out a long sigh as he sinks down into his seat, "I missed you, Sweetheart," his voice was hoarse, way raspier than normal, " — and bean." Your son did somersaults in your wombs at the sound of his dad's voice, making you smooth a hand over your bump in an attempt to calm him. Chris' eyes follow your movement, and he stretches a hand out to mimic your actions. Baby Bean thrashes around actively at the feeling of Chris hand on your stomach. Chris clears his throat, "I really am sorry," his voice thick with emotion as he looks up at you. You can see the tears pooling up in his eyes as he attempts to blink them away, letting a few fall in the process. It was the most emotion you had ever seen on him considering the fact you didn't even see tears when he found out you were pregnant. You watch as Chris collects the stray tears with the sleeve of his hoodie, quickly looking away as he sets his bloodshot eyes on you. Seeing him cry made you want to forget about all the hurt he caused you; it made you want to suffocate him in a bear hug while you ran your fingers thru his hair and sang him soft lullabies.

"He misses you too," you croak out, crossing your arms over your chest as you study the man across from you. He was still wearing the same clothes as yesterday, his signature scent of cologne was very faint, nearly worn off and watered down. The stress induced bags under his eyes indicated his mind was running rampant all night long, much like yours. His gaze fixated on you; he wanted you to know he was ready for whatever you threw his way. He was ready to take the heat for all of it, anything he had to do to get you back.

"You don't miss me?" his words echo off the interior of the car, making the silence thicker than it already was. There was no doubt that you missed him, but he didn't deserve to hear that. Your best friends' voice pops into your head, 'he deserves the meanest version of you,’ you wanted so badly to agree, but looking at how tore up and dismantled Chris sat in front of you – it absolutely broke your heart. You let out a staggered breath, "yea, I always miss you — but that doesn't mean I forgive you, Chris." As soon as the words leave your lips, Chris is nodding in agreement, he knows he has some making up to do.

In a way, you were thankful you isolated yourself from Chris instead of acting off of your emotions as you usually would. It gave you a lot more time to weigh out your options. Was it reasonable to break up with the father of your child twelve weeks away from your due date because he was texting a random girl on Instagram? Probably not. If there was more you didn't know about, it'd be a different outcome. Isolation came with overthinking, and you thought of every possibility when it came to Chris' infidelity. Who was she? Was she a side bitch or just some random? Was that the only conversation or was there more? Did he know her personally? You knew you’d be a wreck at this moment if you hadn’t cried your tear ducts dry the night before. No matter how hard your heart thumped in your chest, you felt numb.

You knew you couldn’t do it alone; you relied on Chris for almost everything these last 7 months. You were freshly in your third trimester, and you’d be damned if you spent the first few weeks of your baby’s life living in an unfamiliar air bnb or hotel room. There was no point in arguing with him. There was no point in asking questions. If Chris was this dedicated to get you to talk to him, there was no telling what he'd do if you held out no contact when the baby was here. Besides, he said he’d never do it again, right?

Wc - 1752?? (Not proofread yet)

♡‧₊˚ Sweetheart is such a pushover for her babydaddy 😭 I hope everyone likes this lol. This is very much unresolved, so there will definitely be more angst in the future 🫣 But also some fluff, Baby bean is due soon and I have yet to pick out name lol. Let know what you guys think and don't forget to send me ask about the two 🫶🏻

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[babydollslibrary]

PARIS — NICO HISCHIER

published: March 19th, 2023

summary: in which y/n is so in love with Nico, that she doesn’t care about any of the gossip her friends tell her about her exes.

specific lyrics: “your ex-friend's sister met someone at a club and he kissed her. turns out it was that guy you hooked up with ages ago; some wannabe z-lister. and all the outfits were terrible. 2003 unbearable. did you see the photos? no, i didn't, but thanks, though.” and “i’m so in love that i might stop breathing.” and “privacy sign on the door, and on my page, and on the whole world. romance is not dead if you keep it just yours.” and “i wanna brainwash you, into loving me forever. i wanna transport you, to somewhere the culture's clever. confess my truth, in swooping, sloping, cursive letters.”

GIF by mattymartin

“did you hear that John got engaged?”

i peek up from my spot on the floor, glancing over to Ella who sits in the armchair across the room. Tara and Naomi are sat together on the couch, wide eyes and excited smiles.

“no.” i shake my head, my lips flattening in a straight line as i continue flipping through the magazine in my hands.

“yeah, he got engaged last week. but the kicker?” Naomi speaks this time, pausing for dramatic effect. “Ella heard from Carrie, who heard from the fiancée’s sister, that the girl is two months pregnant. it’s a shotgun wedding.”

“and she’s forty-one compared to his twenty-eight!” Tara pipes up. i glance up again, offering a furrowed brow and an uninterested nod. why were they telling me these things?

“cool. i mean, we’re adults, age doesn’t really matter anymore.” i shrug, and now it’s their turn to look at me like i’m crazy. our exes are usually our favorite topic for gossip, but that was before i met Nico eight months ago. now it’s typically been gossip about their exes. “besides, maybe they are getting married because she’s pregnant, but they could end up being really in love.”

“but- this is juicy?” Naomi says, her face scrunched in confusion. Ella and Tara nod along with her, clearly confused by my disinterest. i shrug once more, my focus falling back down to the magazine that rests in my lap now.

“John just isn’t part of my life anymore. i don’t really care what happens with him. i wish him the best in his marriage and fatherhood, though.”

“the best?” Ella balks, jaw hung open in surprise. “the man who cheated on you with three other women? you wish him the best?”

“i’m over it. did it hurt at the time? yeah. but, i’m happy now. if he hadn’t cheated on me, i wouldn’t’ve found my way to Nico, so it worked out in my favor.” i confess my feelings, and the girls all share a look, raising their brows in suspicion.

“that’s actually really mature of you, y/n/n. i’m proud of you.” Tara tells me, the other two nodding in agreement.

“what can i say? Nico’s been good for me.” i laugh, and they all giggle before returning to their own magazines.

**

“does it ever bother you that we’re not public?” Nico’s voice breaks me out of my trance. my hands, which were previously rubbing cleanser on my cheeks in circles, freeze and i look at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. he stands in the doorway, frowning down at his phone, leaning against the frame.

“no, why?” i ask. “does it bother you?”

“well, no. it was my idea.” he sighs, slipping his phone on the counter and making his way over to me, entangling his arms around my waist as i continue washing my face. “but, i don’t know. i just saw Shara’s post with Darya and i wondered if maybe it upsets you. i know girls like to be posted and admired, and i feel bad that i don’t do that.”

i finish washing the cleanser off my face, patting dry with a towel, before i twist around in his arms. placing my hands on his bare chest, i give him a soft smile.

“Neeks, i don’t need to be posted in order to feel admired. you make me feel that way every day just from your simple actions. i mean, just yesterday, you went for a run and came back with a bouquet of flowers. last week, you surprised me with a movie night and homemade pizza, when you could’ve very well spent that night sleeping early considering you were leaving the next day for a quick roadie.”

“but-” i press a finger against his lips, signaling for him to be quiet.

“i don’t need to be posted because i like our privacy. besides, the important people know. our friends, our family, they’re the only people we care about knowing, the entire world doesn’t have to know in order for our relationship to be real. if anything, i think it’s kept the romance alive because we’re living in the moment. we’re not taking our phones out to get pictures of our special moments; it’s just us enjoying our time together. i love you, and i know you love me. i don’t need us to be public in order to feel loved by you, because you make sure i’m aware of it every day.”

“ich liebe dich von ganzem Herzen.” he slots his lips between mine, soft and sweet, tasting like his mint toothpaste. we part, and i smile up at him.

“i only caught that first part, but i love you too. so much.” i step out of his grasp to walk back into his bedroom, glancing behind me to see him following me. slipping into bed, he copies me, turning his bedside light off and slinging an arm around my waist, pulling me into him so that we press against each other. my eyes fall closed, and i’m on the verge of sleep when i hear him mumble.

“ich möchte dich eines Tages heiraten.”

**

i’m spread across the couch at Naomi’s house this time, Ella sitting with my feet in her lap, Tara in one armchair, and Naomi in another.

Ella paints my toenails as Naomi and Tara gossip back and forth and i lay with my eyes closed, just listening.

“y/n.” i pry open my eyes to look over at Tara, humming inquisitively. “did you hear?”

“hear what?” i ask.

“your ex-friend, Gianna? her sister, Izzy, met someone at a club and he kissed her.” she tells me. my brows form a ‘v’ as i nod in understanding.

“okay?”

“turns out it was that guy you hooked up with ages ago; some wannabe z-lister.” Naomi chimes in. “remember him?”

“umm, vaguely, i think. Jake something or other. right?” i peek down at Ella, who stopped doing my toes in order to listen more intently.

“mhm!” Naomi hums before huffing out a harsh laugh. “and all the outfits were terrible.”

“like, 2003 unbearable.” Tara laughs. “did you see the photos?”

“no, i didn't, but thanks, though.” i tell her, shaking my head.

“do you wanna see them?” Naomi asks, tapping on her phone a couple times before i offering it to me.

“no, thanks.” i scrunch up my nose, shrugging.

“oh. okay…”

“i do!” Ella exclaims, swapping the nail polish in her hand for Naomi’s phone. “oh god!”

“it’s horrible! right?” Tara laughs, but i just frown, sitting up on the couch. “he’s wearing a camo thermal shirt under a polo! like dude!”

“guys, that’s mean.” i scold.

“it’s not mean, it’s the truth. if you saw the pictures, you would understand.” Ella giggles, offering me the phone once more. i push it away, shaking my head.

“i don’t care about what happens between Jake or Izzy.” i tell them. Ella shrugs, handing the phone back to Naomi and going back to painting my nails.

“you seriously don’t care?” Tara asks and i shake my head.

“not really. i’m at a good point in my life, Nico makes me really happy. i don’t care what my exes or almost exes are up to.” i admit. “i don’t mind all the other gossiping we do, i love gossip, but i really don’t care for hearing about my exes. it doesn’t affect me in any way, so why do i need to know about it? if they’re happy, then good for them.”

“who are you and what have you done with y/n?” Ella jokes, making us all giggle.

“i really love Nico. he makes me happy, which in turn, makes me content with what happened in the past. i don’t need to hear about the bad karma that’s hitting my exes, because i just don’t care about them anymore.” a soft smile spreads across my face at the thought of my boyfriend.

“i love Nico for you. this relationship is so healthy and i can tell how good he is for you.” Naomi tells me, her voice gentle and happy, a grin on her lips.

**

i stare down at the piece of card stock in my hands, tracing my cursive with my eyes.

‘kick ass tonight, captain!

p.s. i wanna love you forever

lovingly yours, y/n’

smiling in content, i tuck the note into one of Nico’s skates in his duffle bag for him to find later. a tradition i’ve come to look forward to, it started about two months into our relationship, when i slipped a note into the tupperware holding his pregame snack. when he got home after their win that night, he told me he looked at it during both intermissions. that was the night we said ‘i love you’ for the first time. so now before every home game, i write him a note and stick it somewhere in his things, in order for him to find it before the game, to give him a boost of confidence.

“darling, have you seen my keys?” Nico’s voice carries in from the living room, and i swipe his keys off the counter before padding to the entryway of the living room to find him digging in between the couch cushions.

“right here, love.” i smile, watching his head snap up and his sight lock on the car keys dangling from my fingers. he lets out a sigh of relief, making his way over to me.

“what would i do without you?” the question is rhetorical, but i can’t help but jokingly answer.

“walk.” i shrug. chuckling, he nabs the keys out of my hand whilst simultaneously planting a gentle kiss to my forehead.

“will you be here when i get back?” he asks, raising a hand to gingerly cup my jaw. i nuzzle deeper into his touch, nodding.

“of course.” i tell him before joking again- “i don’t have ESPN+, so i have to use yours on your tv to watch the game.”

he chuckles again, leaning down to press a quick but sweet kiss to my lips before bidding me goodbye. i wish him a good luck, watching as he leaves for his game.

**

“where’d it go?” i wonder aloud, scouring the bathroom countertop for my chapstick. Nico always puts it back after he borrows it, knowing it’s part of my nightly routine, but he must’ve forgotten today.

leaving the bathroom, i go back to his bedroom, scanning the top of his dresser for the lip product but coming up empty handed. i let out a deep sigh, moving on to his nightstand. not spotting it on the top, i open the drawer. but my brows furrow when i get the drawer ajar, only to find it empty other than a stack of cardstock. pulling one out, i flip it over in my hands, my eyes softening when i read the words swooped across the paper.

i pull out the stack, shuffling through them. my eyes prick with tears at the realization. my notes. i never knew what he did with them after the games, but i guess i assumed he just threw them away. but i was wrong, because they’re all here. all accounted for, dating back to the very first one. kept safe in his bedside drawer. tears slide down my cheeks, my heart pounding in my chest at the sweet gesture.

i place them all back in the drawer, swiping at my face to dry it, and giving up on my chapstick.

laid in bed, a book is gripped in my hands as i await Nico’s return after his big win. i perk up at the sound of the front door opening and shutting, placing my bookmark in and closing my book as Nico opens the bedroom door.

“hi, superstar!” i cheer, dropping my book onto the nightstand. a bashful grin spreads across his face as he drops his bag on the floor by the end of the bed. i shuffle on the bed, sitting up on my knees, facing the edge of the mattress. “two goals and an assist, and first star of the night. i’m so proud of you!”

“thank you, love.” he steps in front of me, wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me flush against him, chest to chest. “did you see what i did after them?”

heat rises to my face as i think back to what he did after both goals. the gesture that he told me long ago meant he was dedicating those goals to me; a quick tap to his lips.

“i did. thank you, baby.” wrapping my arms around his neck, i crane my own, settling a gentle kiss onto his lips. parting, he lays his forehead on mine.

“i want to love you forever.” he tells me, making me giggle.

“using my own words on me?” i question, switching to bury my head in his neck. his hand rubs up and down my back as we hug in silence for a moment.

“i think that may have been my favorite note so far.” he admits, whispering in my ear.

“yeah?” i pull back to look at his big brown eyes, my favorite color for the past eight months. he hums an agreement.

“i’m so in love with you. sometimes, it feels like i might stop breathing.”

“you are the best thing that’s ever happened in my life.” i confess. “i love you. so much.”

“is it too early to ask you to marry me?” he questions. a joke, i assume, and i let out an airy laugh.

“maybe a little bit.” i tell him. “but how about we compromise?”

“and just how do we compromise?” he asks.

“how would you feel about me moving in with you?” a wide grins spread across his face at my words, happily nodding.

“i would love that.”

-

[wutheringskies]

Wei Wuxian: The Untamed Hero

Wei Wuxian had to be killed even if:

1. He carried his sword

2. He didn't use gui dao

3. He didn't create Yin HuFu

4. The Wen remnants were not in the plot

Then, why? The reason is here, voiced by Jin Zixun of all people:

Wei WuXian, you are too bold! Did the LanlingJin Sect invite you today? And you dare run wild here. Do you really think that you’re invincible, that nobody has the courage to confront you? Do you want to overturn the Heavens?”

Wei WuXian smiled, “You’re comparing yourself to the Heavens? Excuse my language, but your face is a little too thick, isn’t it?”

So, you see, this untamed heart can only meet with tragedy as the world is unrighteous, as those who are in power think their actions cannot be contested (and they often aren't!), and that their words are like the law. How many times have we seen, a convicted powerful person escape the justice system? Far too many. And how many times innocents or victims were framed for crimes? Also too many. People like Wei Wuxian aren't condemned by fate, but rather, being born into a world where the "heavens" are those who are powerful and corrupted, he very well might be destined to live tragically, along with others of his type.

Returning to the matter of this particular scene: on one hand, the Jins throw private banquets, gilded with gold. The major scandals are: Jin Zixun is forcing the Lans to drink alcohol! You see, Lan Xichen can't outrightly refuse, so he is trying to be polite about his rejection. Jin Guangyao is trying to reason and excuse, and distract. The crowd spurs Jin Zixun on, wanting to see the Lans drink for once and fall to their level.

Everyone is in their own fine little world, doing their niceities in their golden halls drinking expensive wine, admiring pretty women, gasping at scandalous behavior, asking for favour, gossiping etc.

And then Wei Wuxian walks in. Uninvited. He simply drinks the wine himself, before demanding these people to spare him their time for real wordly issues, such as deaths, debts, cruelty, the parts that society wishes to hide. A few scenes later, we are shown with much description, just how terrible Qiongqi Path is. That's the Jin's backyard. You see their achievements that are drawn on those big walls? We see the reality of the people making them.

Now, let us come to another incident. Think of the soup incident. I fully expect before Wei Wuxian came into the scene, people were simply gossiping, uninterested in finding out what was going on, why Lady Jiang is crying. Then, Wei Wuxian comes and realizes Jiang Yanli who never really cries... was crying, and firstly decides to beat the shit out of Jin Zixuan. Secondly, he understands the whole truth, beats Jin Zixuan up for humiliating his Shijie, and also makes the other girl face responsibility.

Although his shijie had an easy temper, except for how they cuddled and cried together the day the three of them reunited after Lotus Pier was destroyed, she hadn’t really shed many tears in front of others, much less cry so loudly, so pitifully in front of so many people. Wei WuXian was filled with panic. As he tried to ask her, Jiang YanLi was crying so badly that she couldn’t even speak properly. Then, when he saw Jin ZiXuan standing on the side, astonished, he fumed with anger, wondering to himself why it was the dog of a person again. With a kick, he pounced on Jin ZiXuan. The fight between the two would have alerted the Heavens. All of the cultivators around the base came to break up their fight. Amid the ruckus, he finally understood what was the cause of all this, and became even more angered. He spread his tough talk, saying that one day he’d definitely make Jin ZiXuan die in his hands, he told people to drag out the cultivator woman.

A round of questions later, the truth emerged, and Jin ZiXuan’s entire body was frozen. No matter how much Wei WuXian continued to curse at him, he returned neither words nor fists, his face dark. If not that Jiang YanLi held up her hand a while later, while Jiang Cheng and Jin GuangShan came to pull Wei WuXian away, it was likely that even now Jin ZiXuan wouldn’t be able to attend the hunt of Phoenix Mountain.

See.

The point is, perhaps, people feel Wei Wuxian's actions are unnecessary. But imagine if he wasn't there! The consequences as I predict them will have been:

1. Jiang Cheng who doesn't want to upset a prominent clan would've grumbled and cursed underneath his breath, but eventually just moved away from the ruckus and taken his sister away.

2. Perhaps the truth would never have been found out, unless Jin Zixuan later searched by himself.

3. Thus, Jiang Yanli's reputation would be stained for the years to come.

It's because Wei Wuxian dared that the truth was revealed. I took this small incidents simply to highlight this, without the addition of more factors. In the book, often, it might seem like people are trying to stop him from creating trouble. You might often wish, ugh, this is going to be so bad... The point is Wei Wuxian knows! He's not stupid, he knows of the consequences of his actions.

But he isn't the one creating trouble. It was already created by the likes of those very people who try to stop him from investigating deeper. The trouble in question is that immoral and unrighteous words and actions and decisions have already been made. Society tries to hide them. If you can't see it, it's not there. Yet, even if it is not visible, a crime has its traces and it will bleed into their world sooner or later.

Wei Wuxian forces people to snap out of their comfort zones. He doesn't care for the barriers they set around themselves. Here are some examples to explain what I mean by these barriers:

Who dares hit Jin Zixuan, who's the only heir of LanlingJin, even when he deserves it? Protected by his status, his birth, his clan who dares? Wei Wuxian does.

Who dares to annoy Lan Wangji, the second jade of Lan, who from birth is considered otherwordly, strict, immovable, rigid, untouchable and protected by his extreme cold aura? Wei Wuxian dares.

Who dares to enter cultivation society without even wielding sword, without even cultivating a core? Wei Wuxian!

Since time unknown, treasures have belonged to the powerful sects: The Lan Clan and their library, their many secret techniques. The Jin clan and their treasures, their gold. The Nie Sabres. The Zidian. Yet, a son of a servant somehow ends up possessing the most powerful treasure all by his own! Everyone goes to this popular refinery, some famed blacksmith, or that popular sect to get specially created spiritual weapons, yet Chenqing, one of the most powerful weapons, was forged alone by Wei Wuxian during his 3 months in the Burial Mound!

Since years, the cultivation world has taken to heart rules of Lans, words of the powerful sects, and their leaders! Then, once again, this orphan child comes and bends the world and changes the cultivation society forever! Yiling Laozu said that... Yiling Laozu created... Yiling Laozu's manuscripts...

His words literally become the law.

Think of how 13 years after Wei Wuxian's death when "all was peaceful" despite us knowing very well, just how much shit happened after his death - slaughter of minor clans, deaths of two prominent sect leaders, xue yang etc (because, you know, most of it was purely accidental, kept hush-hush, or the victims were people who weren't important), he comes back to life and in a matter of a couple of months, upends the cultivation society again.

The "problem" is that this guy simply doesn't conform. The problem is that he is better. The problem is that he is not unnecessarily humble about it, despite his origins. He doesn't seem to treat himself as an outlier, but an equal. (That's why I hate insecure Wei Wuxian, like this guy is righteous enough he won't even treat himself badly.) The problem is that all those barriers - social classes, power, the locked doors - they won't keep him away.

Even if he was only the Jiang Da-shixiong with a bright golden core, he will still not be a conformist. To those who aren't used to having their decisions questioned, he is their worst enemy. To whose who are used to talking in circles, spreading rumors, he is asking them. What source do you have? What is the factual evidence behind what you are saying? Why are you saying this now?

Think of how he cross questioned a petty seller selling Yiling Laozu portraits in Qinghe, and how he questioned the gathered cultivation sects in Lotus Pier during Sisi and Bicao's intervention with the same sort of attitude. Surely, there was a major class difference, power difference between the two. Yet, they don't matter to him. What matters is the truth.

So, no matter what, when the people who are in power, start having too much dirty laundry and corpses in their backyards, he will definitely know. For this guy, knowing isn't enough - he will get to the crux of the issue. The problem is, he even has the skill for it. He has the ability. One also can't distract him with offers, promises, gifts, riches, status, women. He doesn't care for any of that. He perhaps might even hate one's victims. Yet he will stand up for them.

Of course, those who are in power, all smile at each other. They understand things sometimes have to be done. People sometimes have to be silenced. "We know better."

Then, Wei Wuxian comes in and says, actually you don't. He comes in with factual accounts, evidences, forces you to face your misdeeds. Says you're all a bunch of hypocritical people. No, perhaps what is worse is that he will make you realize that's what you are! Because he's got to be good at talking, too! He's not going to act on anger or be stunned in fear.

So, now you have someone who's not only digging into your evil deeds, someone who's capable, who's not easy to persuade, but also someone with high emotional intelligence who can play the same role as you do, of being a noble, accepted gentlemen with immaculate manners, of very high literacy and outdo you. Because this guy knows very well how society works, he can comprehend social cues perhaps better than you can. He can use your own polite words and nature against you.

It's precisely because of this he must be killed. Perhaps, in every world, Wei Wuxian will end up being the victim. It's only that in MDZS, these were the particular circumstances, and those were the particular excuses.

My personal take is: sometimes it is good to be a centrist, and hold everyone's better intentions in mind. most of the times it might not be, as there are many conflicting systems in place that allow for true victims who are stuck. most often, the victims are always the ones who DON'T have a voice, who are brushed over as numbers of corpses, rather than people with stories. most often, kindness is shown in little action that are trampled upon by those who hold true power. most often the people who are good, who are heroes die young, or are hated and ridiculed, for speaking up for the victims. it's not right, and never will be.

if someone like wei wuxian or his presence in the book makes you uncomfortable it might be because you hold the "niceities" and the pleasantries to be of more importance than the issues at hand. just because something is too troublesome doesn't mean it is wrong. if everytime he enters the scene you're scared of what he's going to do next, you should know it's not him who is the problem but the prople who aren't doing anything who are. don't be scared of "trouble-makers." he's not erratic or spontaneous. he has considered society's standards and deemed it useless. why is that that the koi tower scene, where he is in his "yiling laozu, loss of control, threatening" moment is followed immediately by him being extremely kind to Wen qing ? it's not that he's losing control. it's that Jin Zixun wouldn't have acted and told him where the people were without him using intimidation tactics. Wei Wuxian is the one forced into bad corners by the powerful people, where he has to show his edges. Don't end up twisted the narratives. if you bite someone for a while, expect to be hit.

[umbralstars]

Kemetic Influences on Fire Emblem Three Houses (Part 1)

I know I have made a more unstructured post regarding this before; however, I am certain in my assessments that the influence of Ancient Egyptian mythology had on 3H is vast and more varied then I, personally, have seen people discuss. Yes, we know of the etymology behind Sothis and Seiros' names, but I believe these connections go much deeper than the surface level. This will be structured with me discussing what I am most sure in to what is more interpolation on my part. This part about Sothis is so long that it needs to be it's own post entirely. Sothis is based on Hellenistic/Roman period worship of Lady Isis

As we know, Sothis' name can be traced to one of the names of Sirius, specifically the Hellenized name of Sopdet the goddess of said star. However, this is surface level. Sopdet was often syncretized with Isis during the Hellenistic period and in Lady Isis, I believe, there are more clear allusions to Sothis and how she acts as a deity within 3H's world. Lady Isis is an Egyptian deity who was worshiped across the Mediterranean during the Hellenistic and Roman period. Sothis in her mythology, actions, and how she is depicted in-game shares remarkable similarities to Isis. The images and sources I will be using as a reference come from Dr. Andrew M. Henry's (ReligionForBreakfast) video on the topic and FEDatamine for everything regarding 3H.

Sothis and Isis are both "great mother" deities who act as supreme goddesses to their followers.

Even before coming to supreme status in the Mediterranean, Isis was an incredibly important goddess within Egypt. She was the bringer of magic, a guardian of women, a compassionate goddess who wished to relieve all human suffering, and much much more. All of these traits are extremely close if not direct parallels to Sothis. We know that magic within Fodlan is directly connected to Sothis through the visual of all the magic circles (save for Agarthan dark magic) and it can be postulated that, like Isis, Sothis magic was beyond the capabilities of other humans or other deities. Faith magic in particular is directly correlated with the ability to heal and protect, which is one of the main domains of Lady Isis in antiquity and modern day. She was the healer of the sick and injured, so much so that she often traveled in human form so that she could aid those who called out to her. I don't believe it is a coincidence that healing magic was reskinned as faith in this game given that context. And the connections continue beyond that. Consider this text from a temple to Isis in Cyrene:

During the Hellenistic period, Isis' power and prominence grew to wear she became a supreme goddess within these polytheistic societies. She was believed to be the ruler of time and fate itself, and, as stated here, one of the creators of the cosmos who first set time to course. She was often depicted holding a steering rudder or with the planet beneath her very feet as the goddess through which all fate flows.

Next, take this quote from Lucius Apuleius: The Golden Ass a text from a satirist, but nonetheless believed to hold elements of truth to Isis' worship during the Roman period.

Once again, we see the language that would describe a supreme, cosmic deity. Compare to similar wording in The Book of Seiros Part 1: "The goddess is all things. She is heaven above and the land below. She is eternity incarnate. She is the present, the past, and the future. Her eyes see all. Her ears hear all. Her hands receive all."

Due to this language, it is believed by some religious scholars, and presented within the video, that within the mysteries of Isis there was an element of henotheism at play. A philosophy within religious practices where one god is worshiped a supreme deity whilst not denying the existence of other gods, and such a system of worship is what I believe to be happening within Fodlan's religious context. Other gods are known to exist, they are spoken of in the Book of Seiros; however, Sothis is supreme goddess of Fodlan.

Now, I ask, what is Sothis' primary characteristics within the Church of Seiros and as depicted in game? She is the supreme Goddess of Fodlan, who's depicted with having control over time and fate itself (literally divine pulse), spoken of as a savior not only in the past but also through the actions of her vessel Byleth, who created all life (or at least the Nabateans) as "The Beginning", and the arbiter of souls as an explicitly afterlife related deity.

All of these traits are direct parallels to Lady Isis, and I am not even finished listing all the similarities. First take this quote from The Book of Seiros Part 2: "In the beginning, amid the great cloudless ocean, Fódlan came to be. At the end of a long journey, the goddess glimpsed that land and there alighted. Upon that sacred ground, she breathed life into the world and created all of the creatures upon it.

By the goddess's hand, plants took root, birds took to the sky, and animals roamed the land. Last of all, she created humanity." Within multiple Egyptian creation myths one of the prevalent and constant features is the primordial ocean of Nun. It was place of nothingness and chaos all at once, a "cloudless ocean" if you will. And from that ocean came the first land, the benben, and from there any number of gods created all life. This includes Isis, who within the inscriptions at Philae, is described to have created all life and the cosmos itself (Žabkar 1988, pp. 134.): "Indeed, she is the Lady of Heaven, Earth, and the Nether World, having brought them into existence through what her heart conceived and her hands created..." Both of them are related to the afterlife and are explicitly called out as deities of fate. Once again from the story of Apuleius:

Lady Isis' connection to the afterlife as she who guides the soul to it's fate goes back even further in Egyptian texts and she has been a funerary deity all the way back in Old Kingdom Pyramid Texts. Take that in context with Rhea's line of Sothis being the "arbiter of souls" and much of her cosmology in-universe revolving around the afterlife you have another link between them. Isis was said to be able to prolong a person's life if they were to follow her mysteries as she knew the lifespan of all people and could manipulate it with her magics. She also typically interacted with her followers via dreams. This is something Sothis is shown to do constantly with her appearing in Byleth's near death moments, within their dreams (at the beginning of the game and later during her speech regarding Fodlan's plight. And can I say, Sothis being aware of the blood being split and awakening Byleth to explicitly put it to an end is a very much like a savior goddess). Then, in Rhea's backstory, she said that she heard Sothis' voice within the Holy Tomb (or within Enbarr) and that is what lead her to take up the name of Seiros and begin to fight against Nemesis. Sothis inspiring the creation of the Adrestian Empire through Seiros, and Byleth's place to chose the fate of Fodlan, directly correlates to Lady Isis' role as a goddess of kingship. Her protection was explicitly called upon both during the defense of Egypt and during campaigns of military conquest, and that she alone was comparable of armies of soldiers. Isis and Sothis both are also transparently related to nature. They are callers of the rains (cited in the Philae Hymns for elsewhere and in-game for Sothis) and related to bounties of the harvest. In this way, Sothis may also cross into the sphere of Osiris who was more explicitly a fertility god and the ruler of the dead/judge of souls. An interesting similarity can be called to the myth of Osiris' death and dismemberment at the betrayal of his brother Set, Isis' incomplete resurrection of her husband, and Horus' becoming king of Egypt after contending with his uncle where he avenged his father; with how Sothis herself was killed and dismembered for her power, then Seiros' creation of Adrestia (where he also chose the first king) to avenge her mother, and her inability to resurrect her due to Sothis' body being scattered and incomplete (at least, until her ib/Creststone was placed within the intact khet of Byleth). But that is an aside for now. I want to finish this off with a look of the physical similarities between depictions of Isis and Sothis. Once again from Apuleius:

"Firstly her long thick hair in tapering ringlets was loosely spread over her divine neck and shoulders, and her head was crowned with a complex garland of interwoven flowers of every kind. At the centre, over her brow, a flat disc like a mirror or rather a moon-symbol shone with brilliant light. Coiled vipers reared from the right and left of her coronet which was bristling with erect ears of corn. Her multi-coloured robe was of finest linen, gleaming here pure white, here a saffron yellow, there flaming rose-red, with a woven border flowing with flowers and fruit, and what dazzled me most of all was her jet-black cloak with its full sheen, wrapped gleaming about her, slung from the left shoulder, knotted at the breast, and sweeping over her right hip. It hung in sweetly undulating complex folds down to a tasselled fringe, and along its borders and over its surface fell a scatter of glittering stars, round a full moon at the centre breathing fiery rays. And she bore a host of emblems." To me, there are some similarities between this and the depiction of Sothis plus how Rhea dressed and Byleth's Immaculate One outfit. The floral motifs of lotus flowers, the crisp white of Sothis' mural appearance and those of Rhea and Byleth, the crowns of flowers and star motfis, the way Isis bears many emblems around her, much of it bears some similarities to Sothis. But this is not the only depiction of Isis, let me show you some visual representations. Let us compare this mural of Sothis to some depictions of Isis:

Here are two of Isis from Pompeii with one being a mural and another a famous reconstruction of a statue:

Again, while not 1:1 there are some visual similarities in design. The white linen of her dress and the cut of it are fair similar, as are the wings that are associated with nearly every depiction of Isis. To show and example from Egypt:

The fact that Sothis is shown with feathered wings in particular feels important given her other similarities with Lady Isis. Plus the throne hieroglyph that represents Isis and often often seen above her head looks exactly like the throne of Sothis as seen in the Holy Tomb. Lady Isis is also known as the "Lady of the Throne" just like how Sothis is called the "Girl on the Throne." The amount of connections between them does not feel like coincidence to me. If you want to take the Romance into account as well, both Sothis and Isis are associated with floods in that case, especially with floods that are said to be caused by their sorrow. Sothis is a savoir deity who protected and saved from Fodlan from the destruction of the Agarthans; she is said to have caused a flood in the one, possible, Agarthan account we have. Her name is Sothis, transcribed from Sopdet, lady of the blue star, who was syncretized with Isis who also became manifest within Sirius. I think I will make one more note: the Rite of the Goddess' Rebirth is transparently related to Wep Ronpet, the cosmological new year in Kemetic religious practice. Both take palace in late July (or into early August for some dates of Wep Ronpet), both are related to the rising of a particular star (the Blue Sea Star is based on Sirius, this fact), both are related to the rebirth of the world and the gods, and both are a day of celebration with family and friends. As one final aside: in Kemetic practice, worship of the gods has always been an intimate and close affair, both in antiquity and in modern practice. Gods are active and immediate presences within the world, and they are presently felt within physical parts of the world. Ra, Aten, and other solar deities are all the sun, Nut the sky, Shu the air and wind. Various "truths" about natural phenomenon could all be true at once and created a multi-facted view of existence. So Sothis having the Blue Sea Star as her "home" are acting as her spiritual double entirely makes sense within this framework. Sothis' laws are also fairly similar to the Laws and philosophical underpinnings of Ma'at; however, delving into that is outside the scope of this post. So I will need to leave things off here.

[elia-nymmeros]

Cersei and her vision of ruling

I waited, and so can he. I waited half my life. She had played the dutiful daughter, the blushing bride, the pliant wife. She had suffered Robert's drunken groping, Jaime's jealousy, Renly's mockery, Varys with his titters, Stannis endlessly grinding his teeth. She had contended with Jon Arryn, Ned Stark, and her vile, treacherous, murderous dwarf brother, all the while promising herself that one day it would be her turn. If Margaery Tyrell thinks to cheat me of my hour in the sun, she had bloody well think again.

I love thinking about Cersei and her inefficient and ultimately doomed attempt at ruling because, beyond her faults and terrible traits as a person, she simply does not offer any valuable incentive towards anyone who wishes to follow her, as opposite to other contestants (something that I think 100% comes from Tywin), and any attempt at ruling would've failed sooner or later.

Edit: added some quotes to show some examples and tweak some stuff!

From AGoT all the way through her PoVs in AFfC, one of Cersei's main characteristics both in her personal approach to other people and in the way she tackles ruling is that she believes she's entitled to power and she's entitled to be treated as superior both as a Lannister and as the queen regent of Westeros. She routinely dismiss and berates people with lesser social power and status, she despises people who try to 'take liberties' and who don't treat her as an untouchable regent, and she's willing to hurt, torture and kill anyone who she considers a threat to her claim to rule. I personally think it's understandable that she's paranoid about traitors and people who have double intentions about her and Tommen —especially considering that in AFfC she literally just saw her son die in her arms by poison— but her problem is that she's a bad judge of character, she's been flawed in how she interprets other people's actions since AGoT, and she's incapable of adequately judging who is on her side and who is a bad option for an ally (see for example her thinking that Kevan was a traitor when he made good criticism about her as a ruler).

"The next Hand will know his place, she promised herself. It would have to be Ser Kevan. Her uncle was tireless, prudent, unfailingly obedient. She could rely on him, as her father had. The hand does not argue with the head. She had a realm to rule, but she would need new men to help her rule it. Pycelle was a doddering lickspittle, Jaime had lost his courage with his sword hand, and Mace Tyrell and his cronies Redwyne and Rowan could not be trusted. For all she knew they might have had a part in this. Lord Tyrell had to know that he would never rule the Seven Kingdoms so long as Tywin Lannister lived." AFfC, Cersei I

For me, a very hard truth about Cersei is that she absolutely suffered physical and sexual abuse from Robert, and she did not deserve neither this nor her perpetual objectification by pretty much every men in her life, but this simply does not make her entitled or eligible as a ruler by default. By Westerosi laws —which are undoubtedly misogynistic and unfair to women no matter their ability to rule— her claim as a Queen regent comes by her marriage to Robert and her sons (which are supposed to be Robert's blood). Since she decided to go all girlboss about it and put the two sons who clearly did not have Robert's blood on the throne, she actively harmed their claim and her own, and she literally created a succession crisis by having the bad luck of marrying the one family with strong genes and zero chance of having blondes in their family tree.

But let's say, alright, put the clearly Lannister boys on the throne anyways, kingship is a social construction and the Baratheons didn't really have any more intrinsic claim to Westeros than the Targaryens other than military might, fuck it; the obvious question is, what am I offering my subjects so that their support is rewarded and their loyalty is secured? This is something that, in some way or another, is answered by the other pretenders in the War of the Five Kings, even if it's in a limited capacity and with very dubious intentions: Robb offers a rule from, by and to the Northern people that takes into account their wishes and reclaims, and also offers the people of the Riverlands justice and protection; Balon offers the Ironborn a new, revitalized rule over the islands and surrounding land with the Old Way which he claimed would improve the life of his people; Renly and his alliance with the Tyrells came with the prosperous wealth of the Reach and offers of food, pardons and a generous rule by a charismatic ruler mimicking Robert's long peaceful reign. Stannis, by contrast, is the one who pushes his claim solely by his rights in Targaryen dynastic succession (if the king dies with no legitimate children, the crown should go to the next eldest brother), and we see over and over throughout the saga that this isn't enough to secure his claim, that a ruler should also fulfill their rights as a protector if they wish to be followed, that he was demanding loyalty and obedience without offering something in return and that this won't give you support no matter how legal is your claim.

"If not for my Hand, I might not have come at all. Lord Seaworth is a man of humble birth, but he reminded me of my duty, when all I could think of was my rights. I had the cart before the horse, Davos said. I was trying to win the throne to save the kingdom, when I should have been trying to save the kingdom to win the throne." ASoS, Jon XI

Compared to all this, Cersei (and Joffrey by extension, because she encourages in him what she believes are good traits for a king) simply did not have anything to offer precisely because they live under the illusion —once again coming from Tywin— that they have the intrinsic right to power and ruling simply because they're Lannisters and they should be obeyed because of this. This would be a normal thing to believe in a normal, regular dynasty —for example, I doubt Aegon IV or Viserys I or Maekar I were particularly thinking about what they could offer to their subjects, they simply gained power because they were part of a royal lineage where a Targaryen man inheriting the throne was expected— but Joffrey's claim came from a break of this succession, and Robert justified his reign both by being the descendant of a Targaryen and also because he offered Westeros peace, protection, justice and mercy if you'd been in the wrong side of the war.

""It is, Your Grace," Lady Merryweather agreed. "The High Septon should have come to you. And these wretched sparrows . . ." "He feeds them, coddles them, blesses them. Yet will not bless the king." The blessing was an empty ritual, she knew, but rituals and ceremonies had power in the eyes of the ignorant. Aegon the Conqueror himself had dated the start of his realm from the day the High Septon anointed him in Oldtown. "This wretched priest will obey, or learn how weak and human he still is."" AFfC, Cersei VI

A lot can be said about Robert's rule and what he did right and wrong, but I think one can admit that he was a man capable of pardoning his enemies' lives unconditionally (think Barristan, Balon, Jaime), he put down disagreements and fights without sending someone to be tortured to death, and traditional customs in Westeros were respected —Aerys' rule was contested precisely because he broke the right of nobles to have a trial. Cersei doesn't simply ignore all this, being particularly vicious, cruel and spiteful to her enemies/rivals even after she supposedly made peace with them, but nothing about her rule is about anything except her and her wishes: if there's a scarcity of food, then she hoards everything to herself; if there's danger to the city, she hides herself and withdraws her resources and fuck the rest of the population, noble or not; if someone comes from the rival side wanting to join their cause, then they're suspected traitors who sooner or later will be put to death; if someone says a criticism about her actions, whether genuine or not, then that person is a traitor who sooner or later will be put to death; everyone is her enemy and everyone wants her power for themselves and nobody can ever be trusted because nobody is as smart, capable, worthy and deserving of power as Cersei is.

"It took the rest of the flagon before the queen was finally able to coax the whole sad tale out of Lady Falyse. Once she had, she did not know whether to laugh or rage. "Single combat," she repeated. Is there no one in the Seven Kingdoms that I can rely upon? Am I the only one in Westeros with a pinch of wits? (...)" AFfC, Cersei VII

"Taena had drifted back to sleep by the time the queen returned to the bedchamber, her head spinning. Too much wine and too little sleep, she told herself. It was not every night that she was awakened twice with such desperate tidings. At least I could awaken. Robert would have been too drunk to rise, let alone rule. It would have fallen to Jon Arryn to deal with all of this. It pleased her to think that she made a better king than Robert." AFfC, Cersei VII

Since she doesn't care about feeding her subjects, protecting them from harm, enacting fair and genuine justice to those who need it, improving the physical infrastructure of the realm, honoring debts to foreign entities and previous agreements to other nobles, or at least diminishing the economic problems left by Robert's rule, then she (and once again, Joffrey and Tommen by extension) literally has nothing to offer anyone who wishes to follow her. She doesn't make even the attempt to pretend she cares about any of this by the time we get to AFfC, like Renly once did in ACoK, precisely because she has the mistaken and very dangerous belief that she's owed obedience and deference and the right to rule over an entire continent, and that people should somehow be grateful to obey her no matter how shitty and depraved and harmful she is to them and their families.

""The realm is at war. His Grace has need of every man." Cersei did not intend to squander Tommen's strength playing wet nurse to sparrows, or guarding the wrinkled cunts of a thousand sour septas. Half of them are probably praying for a good raping. "Your sparrows have clubs and axes. Let them defend themselves."" AFfC, Cersei VI

"When the door closed behind them Cersei poured herself another cup of wine. "I am surrounded by enemies and imbeciles," she said. She could not even trust to her own blood and kin, nor Jaime, who had once been her other half. He was meant to be my sword and shield, my strong right arm. Why does he insist on vexing me?" AFfC, Cersei VII

All of this is remarkable precisely when put in contrast with Dany, because both of their ambitions to the throne come from their belief that they're entitled to the throne above any other consideration, and both of them had little experience ruling before their ascent to power and are continuously doubted/criticized because of their gender, but what sets Dany apart is her willingness to learn from others and take care of the people who follow her. Despite all the troubles that ADwD have brought her, Dany has always been characterized by someone who attempts to protect others and is prepared to hear her subject's opinions and make actual efforts to improve their lives; many of us root for her precisely because she makes a genuine effort into being a good and fair ruler to her subjects even when she fails, even when she makes wrong choices, even when she falls short of her goal. One of the main problems in her journey has been the question of how can she become a legitimate ruler in the eyes of the Westerosi people, and she rightfully understood that she needed to offer something in exchange for loyalty, just like Stannis did.

""There's much I don't understand," Davos admitted. "I have never pretended elsewise. I know the seas and rivers, the shapes of the coasts, where the rocks and shoals lie. I know hidden coves where a boat can land unseen. And I know that a king protects his people, or he is no king at all."" ASoS, Davos VI

"Why do the gods make kings and queens, if not to protect the ones who can't protect themselves?" ASoS, Daenerys III

I believe that the fact that Cersei doesn't ever comes close to this realization doesn't just steam from her natural self-centredness, propensity to cruelty and repeated trauma in the hands of the men in her life, but precisely by the vision Tywin had about himself and house Lannister. At the end of the day, Cersei mimics not only what Tywin himself believes about their house (that they're superior, wealthier, worthier and morally above everyone else, even other noble houses), but also how Tywin behaves as a political actor (making deals in bad faith and not fulfilling them, mistreating children, women and disabled peoople, using extreme violence as a form of correction and coercion, following no moral guidance or innate beliefs other than what benefits them in the short term, etc.). They're not the only ones who exhibits this behavior (Bronn, for example, is just as self-serving and violent as them), but House Lannister, and Tywin, Cersei and Joffrey in particular, are definitely some of the most powerful and influential people in Westeros thanks to their military might and economic power, which amplifies the consequences of their selfishness to... quite scary levels.

[bitchysoulwasteland]

Garrett X British Vampire Mate Reader.

"Ben!" you laughed as he puled you in for a tight hug "Bloody hell, it's been ages. How've you been?" you spoke, pulling away from his embrace as Carlisle and Esme stood a few paces behind you.

"Y'know, been inside the tomb where Amun has been trying to keep me out of sight. How about you, the last I herd you were in the Mediterranean."

"Golden sands, blue sea. Got kinda borin' after a while."

You had met Benjamin on your travels a few years before. Well, you had met Amun and had ended up befriending Benjamin whilst you were in Egypt. Essentially, you had been all over the world, but every now and then, you made your way back to Egypt to see Benjamin, Tia, Kebi and Amun, who had become like a second family to you.

Two days later, you were back home in the Cullen's house with the vampires who had come as witnesses.

You sat out on the porch, looking out over the woods and reading your 'The Hobbit' 1939 edition as a few more vampires arrived. You smelt something more beautiful, more delicious than anything ever before. Your eyes flicked up to see Garrett and your heart dropped. He hated British people. You were the only British Cullen. You had been changed by Esme, back in 1942, at the age of twenty, when your plane had crashed in a field and she found you, barely alive. That had ended you serving in the war as Y/n L/n became officially killed in action. So, Y/n Cullen was born.

"You know how bad that book is, don't you, Y/n?" you herd an all too familiar voice speak as you bookmarked the page and closed the book. It was the only possession you had of your past life before the crash, as you had no recollection of your past.

"Well, if it isn't the American who loathes all Englishmen and women." you knew about his backstory, Carlisle had warned you, just in case it would come up.

"Not all of them, dear Y/n." he said with a smirk.

"Really? Whatever changed?" you smirked back over your shoulder as you walked into the house.

'That woman will be the death of me.' Garrett thought as his eyes lingered on where you had been.

Twenty minutes later, you sat on the floor, a cushion under you, your trusty guitar in hand, your fingers idly moving across the steel strings. "I remember a time when you used to be able to play any Queen song on both the piano and guitar." Alistair spoke, making his presence known in the room where he had been lingering for the past twenty minutes. He was right. There had been a time when you two had been roommates for a while and you would constantly be playing some Queen song or another. He was the one who had introduced you to John Deacon, who went to the college you were in at the time.

"No, you can't." Emmet spoke in utmost disbelief. You cracked your fingers and neck, ready to prove the man wrong.

"Watch me, vampire boy." you muttered, knowing he herd when he let out a huff. "I expect everyone to sing, by the way." you said, looking directly at Garrett, who had been staring at you since you sat at the piano. Edward's fingers danced over the keys as you stood up, putting the guitar strap over your head and began to play Bohemian Rhapsody on the guitar.

"Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landside, No escape from reality Open your eyes, Look up to the skies and see, I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy, Because I'm easy come, easy go, Little high, little low, Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to Me, to me

Mamaaa, Just killed a man, Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger, Now he's dead Mamaaa, life had just begun, But now I've gone and thrown it all away Mama, oooh, Didn't mean to make you cry, If I'm not back again this time tomorrow, Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters

Too late, my time has come, Sends shivers down my spine, body's aching all The time Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go, Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth Mama, oooh I don't want to die, I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all.

I see a little silhouetto of a man, Scaramouch, Scaramouch, will you do the Fandango!

Thunderbolts and lightning, very, very frightening me Galileo, Galileo Galileo, Galileo Galileo, Figaro - magnificoo

I'm just a poor boy nobody loves me He's just a poor boy from a poor family, Spare him his life from this monstrosity Easy come, easy go, will you let me go Bismillah! No, we will not let you go (Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go (Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go (Let me go) Will not let you go (Let me go)(Never) Never let you go (Let me go) (Never) let you go (Let me go) Ah No, no, no, no, no, no, no Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia, let me go Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, For meee

So you think you can stop me and spit in my eye So you think you can love me and leave me to die Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby, Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here" you played the guitar solo effortlessly as you walked around, as if you were on stage.

"Nothing really matters, Anyone can see, Nothing really matters, Nothing really matters to me Any way the wind blows..." you played the last notes of the song, waiting for the piano to finish.

"Let's Live Aid this shit." you said, immediately launching into Radio Gaga. Bella seemed to be thoroughly enjoying herself, and so did the others as the song began.

"I'd sit alone and watch your light My only friend through teenage nights And everything I had to know I heard it on my radio

You gave them all those old time stars Through wars of worlds invaded by Mars You made 'em laugh, you made 'em cry You made us feel like we could fly (radio)

So don't become some background noise A backdrop for the girls and boys Who just don't know, or just don't care And just complain when you're not there

You had your time, you had the power You've yet to have your finest hour Radio (radio)

All we hear is radio ga ga Radio goo goo Radio ga ga All we hear is radio ga ga Radio blah blah Radio, what's new? Radio, someone still loves you

We watch the shows, we watch the stars On videos for hours and hours We hardly need to use our ears How music changes through the years

Let's hope you never leave, old friend Like all good things, on you we depend So stick around, 'cause we might miss you When we grow tired of all this visual

You had your time, you had the power You've yet to have your finest hour Radio (radio)

All we hear is radio ga ga Radio goo goo Radio ga ga All we hear is radio ga ga Radio goo goo Radio ga ga

All we hear is radio ga ga Radio blah blah Radio, what's new? Someone still loves you

Radio ga ga (radio ga ga) Radio ga ga (radio ga ga) Radio ga ga (radio ga ga)

You had your time, you had the power You've yet to have your finest hour Radio (radio)" the song finished as you bowed extravagantly, putting the guitar on the stand in the corner of the room.

"I think I've exhausted my abilities for one day." you said dramatically as you sat in-between Garrett and Bella, who had Renesmee on her lap, Garrett's arm going around your shoulders. If you could blush, you would be a tomato. As if she sensed this, Bella started a conversation with you.

"That was awesome. How did do do that?"

"I was a guitar tech of Queen's from '68 to '91. I was a friend of John Deacon's, after Alistair introduced me, and Brian needed a guitar tech, so, Deacs recommended me. I will never forget the day that I punched Paul Prenter in the face in May, 1987 after he made up a load of crap about Freddie and told the papers."

"You spent twenty three years with the same four humans?" Garrett spoke from beside you, somewhat surprised by this.

"Yeah, and they knew. The also accepted it as long as I didn't feed on them. I only left after Freddie died." You spoke again after a few seconds of nostalgia-filled silence "Anyway, I'm gonna go for a walk, stretch my legs. I'll see you guys later." with that, you had left the house at vamp speed.

It was true. Freddie's death had been too much for you to handle, and after a year of grieving with the three friends you had left, you decided it was best to leave, before you hurt them more than they already were. You spent years wandering the world after that, doing various jobs. You had been a blacksmith, a jeweller, even a mechanic at one point, but you never had the flare you once had with the band. Never threw yourself into your work like you had done previously.

You wandered idly through the forest for an hour before coming face to face with the person you least expected, sitting on a fallen tree before you. Garrett. You braced yourself for the snide comments at your nationality, but they never came.

"I wanted to apologise." you raised an eyebrow at this as you sat beside him, "When Carlisle told me about you, I got this, picture, shall we say, in my head about what you were going to be like, according to the past interactions I've had with British people. But, you're not that bad, for a mate."

"Not that bad?" You scoffed playfully and crossed your arms, a smirk evident on your face.

"Yeah, I mean, you could be worse. A lot worse in my experience." he laughed.

"Garrett?" he turned to face you when you spoke. Grabbing his coat collar, you continued "shut up." your lips met in a love and passion filled kiss. After all, he had spent enough time lusting after you whilst knowing that you were mates. Naturally, like you, he assumed you wouldn't be interested. You pulled away to look into his ruby orbs.

"After this is all over, I'll follow you anywhere, woman."

[cielenruine]

"I have decided your time is up."

Where Sara's voice once held innocent interest towards his preaching, there is only insurmountable distance now that she would like to pass judgment. The frigid goddess he prays to has once more forsaken not only him but her most devout followers. Those that carry out worship daily in her very own house, battered by the soulless husks of buildings built to honor her name. It sickens Sara beyond belief and disfigures more rational thought, drags her back to a dark place she'd left behind ages ago.

"Where is your goddess? Keep the answer to yourself, you know the truth. Nothing can justify the trial we are facing. Your goddess is merely decoration, refusing to intercede even now. She gives with one hand, then takes with two. The divine do not deserve our faith."

There's an older way darkness layered under her words, an archaic anger that will not subside in her blood. Sara stares at him coldly, defiantly, "I won't make that mistake twice."

He was surprised to hear such a thing, turning swiftly on his heel to meet with a face it had been some time since he'd seen. He cannot fault her, part of him is even glad that it would be someone like him who receives her scorn than any of the priests to whom it might actually cut through. "Where she has been since the time be betrayed her." He stands firm. "The goddess gives not and takes not. That which is done in her name, giving and taking. Aside from life, she leaves your fate in your hands." And that was where it remained. "If you wish her to be despicable, then she will be, if you place faith enough she might help you save yourself, then she will be your savior. I've long since made my peace with it. She watches and bears witness and those who've faith in her recount cautionary tales for those who might need them." Where was the goddess in all of this? The same place she ever was for all the ills that had occurred, all of the ills that would come to pass as well. "The divine do not deserve our faith because they do not serve us? We ill deserve to be served when we place our faith only within ourselves. I will not tell you it is wrong to scorn her, to not place your faith in my goddess or any other, but is a time like this truly one in which you benefit from having one less tether?" It was an odd conversation. Of course he had reflected on himself, on his faith time and again as he watched men and women die for purpose that only the living could attribute to them. "If you feel tricked by my words back then, I apologize to you now...but the goddess has never stopped tragedy, merely given us the strength needed to persist through and after. Given us a rope to pull ourselves up with. She cannot touch us nor we her until it is our time to return to her. The only solace you will know is the she watches over your actions and that those of us who do follow her will help you regardless of where you see such a thing as solace enough to give your faith."

[ikkiokuma]

just finished mgs2 and i have nowhere else to take my thoughts so i’ll just dump them hear for my little internet vacuum:

> the AI/simulation plot twist is really interesting but at the same time doesn’t feel like it was resolved in the best way? outside of the patriots being a typical shady organization controlling literally everything, the explanation the AI colonel gives about human mind control feels at least a tiny bit more unique that your typical 1984 premise and excuse…i only have to wonder the aftermath of raiden and rose’s relationship with such a huge rift torn between them through the course of this game (which feels like it goes largely unaddressed considering raiden basically proposes to her after their reunion?) i think his character has a lot of good potential and their connection could have undergone some kind slow burn rebuild to make it more satisfying (it’s not like i didn’t root for them sometimes! tho im aware they are actually quite toxic tho)

> i’m also thinking of the people on twitter engaging in discourse about whether mgs2 is anti-AI to which i think it’s pretty clear that kojima encourages us to exercise our free will and critical thinking in this digital age…though raiden doesn’t outright say “fuck the patriots”—who are ostensibly using such a program to try and keep the masses ignorant, complacent, and dependent—in this game, his decision to pick his future for himself entirely goes against the AI colonel’s impression that everything in the simulation could decide the kind of person raiden becomes. to me mgs2 (along with being more explicitly about life in the digital age) takes the idea of free will or destiny from the first game up a notch with the question of: hey, what if it your future wasn’t just programmed for you by birth but by a simulation which you regard as the truth? it’s interesting to see this blend of themes (that the persona franchise decided to create two separate games based on, funny enough) work together in a new context

> sitting with the full weight of otacon’s backstory is kind of crushing. i know it’s not the worst thing ever but something about his tragedy feels all the more pointed when you think about how vulnerable he was…how he was basically abused and groomed and still blames himself to this day because he doesn’t know any better at all? it’s just such a heavy burden for someone so young to bear—an illicit affair and the death of your father because of your actions would mess anyone up in the head (im genuinely surprised he’s not worse than he is right now). his loneliness is so interesting because to a certain extent it’s self imposed by his own inaction (waiting to be loved instead of seeking it out for himself—some kind of self-esteem problem, maybe?) and for the first time in years solid snake manages to break down his walls and they form this beautiful mutual connection that i think holds so much more weight than any potential female relationship the games try to force him into (also with the fact that he seems into women that would only be somewhat unhealthy/toxic for him something something childhood trauma something something twisted conception of romance tragic doomed heterosexuality but he could find everything he looked for and more in the man who’s stayed beside him this whole time but i digress) otasune is so beautiful to me and i’ve been thinking more about how it really is only them against the world and burying my head in my hands i think im going to develop heartburn because of these fools and if anyone has good fic recs i would love for them to be sent my way im going to start writing essays about them again ffs. also something something otacon really is at his best self when he’s around snake—confident, in control, and a little sassy when he wants to be—which honestly makes him that more attractive … snake truly brought the best out of this nerd god bless

> pliskin is sooooooo gorgeous in this game i wish snake wore his hair down more i genuinely think i grinned like a maniac every time i saw his beautiful face on my screen 🤤🤤

> gameplay wise the game honestly doesn’t feel as bad as the first one (i was fucking struggling in the original)…fingers crossed the rest of the games will be somewhat similar difficulty to get through

now on to mgs3!! i’m so excited for snake eater yayyyyy

[shawshankshadow]

my relationship with the sonic movies is that i adore the character designs they settled on, and really like how they’ve played with sonic’s personality and writing to give us one of the most vulnerable and kid-like versions of him we’ve ever had. almost everything else makes me :c

in no particular order:

their voices.

the fact that it’s live action

tom being a cop who aspires to work for the LAPD because he “wants to help people and make the world a better place” (DHEHDBFJSJJCJFJDJCJFJ)

the misogynoir

tom in general? like, he’s not a necessary character, there is nothing he does that maddie cannot do. we could have had a “vet finds an alien freak” storyline with a subplot exploring her relationship with rachel. the second movie having a plot line where he struggles to call tom his “dad” - wouldn’t it have been more moving if we’d instead had a plot about him struggling to call maddie “mom,” due to unresolved grief over longclaw? then we could have had a subplot where tails calls HIM “brother”, and juxtaposed his found family conflict with knuckles, who ALSO has unresolved grief over his slain tribe + family. we could have had themed n shit, about mourning and healing and letting yourself have family again. but no whatever okay WHATEVER

where the fuck is amy. how are you going to adapt the classic games and then ignore amy and skip straight to the adventure era. amy was a pivotal part of sa2. what happened to sa1. back the fuck up.

i know its supposed to be “the year of shadow” or whatever the fuck - and i LOVE him i GET IT - but shadow is not nearly good enough to warrant skipping amy’s introduction AND sa1 just to speed to the shadow debut. sonic 3 could have been adaptations of cd (introduces amy and metal sonic) and sa1 (tikal, chaos), while seeding foreshadowing and plot buildup in the background for the eventual lore drop and character-reveal of shadow in sonic 4.

i pirate everything anyways but the. industry support of idf. are you for fucking real

sonic was originally a subversive freedom fighter who hated the military and engaged in direct action against shitty people (blowing up eggman’s stuff, having zero respect for institutional authority). so what is this copaganda pro-military bootlicker shit. UM.?)

my god, animation is not “lesser cinema”, it’s perfectly possible to have an incredible kickass story without using live action. i promise it’s not “cooler” for it to be live action, spiderverse was the coolest shit ever and it didn’t need fucking live action to make it so. please. live action fucking sucks so much it’s so boring if i wanted to look at people id go outside why are you making me pay money to look at REGULAR PEOPLE I COULD SEE ON THE STREETS FOR FREEEEEEE

the child trafficking joke???????

how’re you gonna give us our most CHILDLIKE BABY SONIC EVER insofar as characterization and character profile, and then saddle him with the voice of an 18 year old high school senior. this guy should sound like those squeaky kids from the amazing world of gumball. he should sound like a kid who’s barely hit puberty but insists he’s got a beard. instead he is, writing-wise, dipper pines, but voice-wise, jean-ralphio from parks and rec.

i cannot believe they gave us maddie the vet and then made us experience meeting sonic through the eyes of tom. TOM. MADDIE IS RIGHT THERE

sorry i’m still not over the disrespect for amy. shadow’s fucking heel-turn in sa2 is directly because a conversation with AMY made him realize the truth about maria’s wish. AMY DID THAT. SHE TURNED THE TIDES OF THE PLOT. SHADOW WOULDVE JUST MURDER-SUICIDED EVERYBODY FULL VILLAIN-MODE. OH MY GOD.

R O U G E .

so yall just hate women. this bad. yall hate women so bad yall will make the perfect girl character and proceed to completely neglect her in favor of her white male police officer spouse. and make us watch you do that. tom could have been a footnote. an email.

what the fuck is this longclaw vs echidna tribe backstory. like these story lore drops are crazy, how are you gonna say that and then not go back and develop it fully. how are you gonna keep it vague about mobius and NOT develop it. i’ll kill you.

THE RING ZONE PORTAL THING????????????? HELLOO????

THE PLOTS WE COUOD HAVE GOTTEN. BUT INSTEAD WE STAY ON EARTH AND USE THE RINGS TO PORTAL AROUND LOCALLY. FUCK OFF.

can you imagine a world-domination!robotnik getting his hands on the portal rings. and using them to conquer planets in his quest for domination of the universe. and sonic having to protect the rings from him while evading detection from the humans. like, a real Classics robotnik, instead of the “formerly a government employee” plot line we got.

WHATEVERRRRRRRRRR

could have had a pom poko ass plot line where mobians are aware of earth but earth isn’t aware of them, and sonic has to lay low on earth while trying to protect the portal rings and work with other freedom fighters to try and save his zone/world from robotnik’s reign. that would have given us the earth plotlines from sa2 while allowing for the mobius plotlines from classics era.

blah blah blah “portalling mobians land on earth and return to their home planet while accidentally take away a baby!robotnik from his family on earth. they don’t know how to return him but decide to raise him. he grows up different, has a Grinch Villain Arc, and it combines with his incredible genius to make him a mad scientist bent on world domination so that everybody HAS to like me!!! the mobians accidentally portal to earth after their portal accidentally crosses paths with another portal (this one going across space AND time) which throws off their trajectory. the other portal is eventually revealed to be a time tracker using chaos control to do something - the set up for silver the hedgehog.

[melpomeneprose]

Goodness knows… / No time to die

Content Warnings: (reference to) Major character death, Hurt No Comfort, Angst, Grief/Mourning, (Sarima speedrunning) the five stages of grief (cause of lack of other options - tis a matter of survival of her and F.iyero's tribes), reference to patriarchy, societal disenfranchisement, gender roles, (y'all gonna need your critical thinking skills for this one), cultural references/differences/relativity, good & evil, canon typical e.xistentialism (that takes a back seat to not getting trampled by f.asicm/i.mperialism), extra marital affairs (minor E.lphaba/F.iyero <- shockingly not discussed with disdain), Sarima going through it and deserving better.

Read here. directly inspired by and meant to read as a follow up to this. (I wrote this cause Sarima did nothing wrong, and pitting women agaisnt each other is naive, in every sense especially fiction, I am sorry to Sarima that real and fictional cultural complexity is hard for some people).

Kiamo Ko, Oz. 

It had been months, several in fact, then that necklace of gold arrived with the letter and the tragic and if Sarima Tigelaar, now Dowager Princess of the Arjiki was being honest, ill-timed news. F.iyero T.igelaar, her husband, was dead, dead and gone, and no one outside of the Vinkus was making the slightest fuss about it. What is more, the evidence would drive a shard through a crueler and more vicious person, but Sarima is not that person. Thank Lurline and the Unnamed God. Still, he was dead, and he had been… unfaithful, the first time of such an occurrence, yes, and isn't the action that makes Sarima so angry so much as the thorough lack of an explanation or even an attempt at justification, and now, now that  F.iyero is dead… it'll never come, nor will he… come back. Sarima was a good listener, and awfully forgiving, to a fault. She often denied things she simply didn’t wish to see and why should see them? It is her prerogative. 

That was the real hurt of the thing, him not traipsing back through the stoney arches of the castle this very moment, nor will F.iyero ever again. It isn’t the long absences, nor even him being unfaithful that hurts the worst… no, she can justify it all to herself in her own way, though twisting the truth it is, some would say. It was that she was alive and he was dead, that isn’t how those roles are supposed to work… not even this side of the Kells. If she could follow after him would she? She doesn’t know, that is the trouble of all this. Not knowing, one could say it is the ultimate problem. Not just of this unfortunate set of events. The human problem. For whilst Sarima lacks any formal education, she does not lack the capacity or ability to think on her own and of her own. No, not a philosopher in the Emerald City, not a witch, not a philanthropist, and not anyone of importance or eminence outside of the thousand-year grasslands, but, she is not stupid, and now is no time to die, and goodness knows… the wicked's lives are lonely…

[exozero]

the more i write the more i hope no one is reading

I do so love melodrama on screen. I wish I'd come to it before. If I had, I'd have known how carried along some people allow themselves to be, how absolute they allow their judgements upon others to be. Watching In the Mood for Love stirred a sort of awareness I thought I'd lost years ago, suddenly I was able to consider the emotionally torturous aspects of my life without outright bias against my own perspective. It was the only safe way to consider anything, I thought, and, encouraged by a crippling anxiety a blank face helps to mask, the only way to ensure my being, ego, vain and selfish and cruel as I tend to think I am, hadn't overrun my ability to reason. The only way to be sure of a conclusion, or at least to be sure that you don't risk damaging others due to faulty logic, is to assume your own perspective is inherently, utterly, ontologically evil, every possible thought you have and action you've taken necessarily interpreted in the cruelest way possible. There is only one fact: I am bad. The rest is malleable.

Without that bias, though I'm nowhere near free of it, I began to see subtle wrongs which had been done. A woman says I was controlling, that I crossed boundaries and in a manner that speaks to something deeper and crueler about me. Instinctively, at the time, still trapped within myself, I'd agreed. But now? Walking out of that movie I'm sure she adores, I couldn't help but think of how she'd treated me, for once. How my action crossed a boundary, which is of course not made suddenly 'okay', but that it had been while we had been touching one another, and discussing going into the bathroom to fuck. Finally, something I'd felt so much guilt about, taken in context. There's clarity there. Maybe some comfort. Certainly not something to have so many sleepless nights over, as I have had. Then ideas about my character, not wholly unjustified, but the evidence... flimsy. Am I egotistical? Hard to argue with, but the evidence of that outsized ego was a faux pas or two, and then the gall to check with her before going to an event she may be at, in the hopes that that would normalize relations. So we interpret the world differently — still not evil. Not that she said I was, it was me saying all that junk. It's just odd. Human and, taken in context, from the perspective of someone who is reinterpreting an abortion of a relationship mostly defined by its utterly disappointing arc, understandable. To not take the words of someone in such a position as the absolute, inviolable gospel, is a fresh discovery. When I've brought this up to friends they all seem to take a lower opinion of me, they all learned this truth in high school, and the fallout of such events, like the breakups I've had in the last year, seem to torture them a normal, even healthy amount.

But I am also different from them, the women I date often reflecting my anxieties, neuroses. There is cruelty in the women I love and I love them for it, not despite it, same as their intelligence, and these qualities make for a painful opponent to face in the wasteland which comes "after." I hadn't realized we were opponents. Comrades in heartbreak at most, at least mostly-friendly partners in a minor emotional shrug she'll think of once a month at most in a few years, then less and less often until I fade like any other corpse... until she sees my face on the news one day: "Creature caught hiding thousands of pounds of fertilizer in the foundations of buildings during their construction, in the hopes that many years later an explosion might be set off with only a sledgehammer and a match. He is refusing to say how many buildings he's already gotten to." Not a bad plot for James Patterson's ghostwriter.

I saw her on a train platform, and once again I think somewhere else, not sure, and it never seems to surprise me. She seemed startled, embarrassed maybe, while I felt, as I usually do, not quite all there. Not enough of me in one place to have a reaction until long afterwards. Each time I see her I happen to have already been thinking about her. The time on the platform had been just after the movie, pretty sure. I wondered if she found it useful to categorize me as abusive, or perhaps mean or cruel. I'm not sure, I'd hope not, for reasons of ego as much as truth, but whatever someone finds useful in their lives I find myself loath to oppose in any measure. The patterns of pain which can arise when one is trying to appeal to another have become clear to me, in no small part due to her note, though in truth rather despite it. Through her interpretation of her experience, though it's not where I need to be searching for an accurate diagnoses of my psychology, I was able to find something important and weak in myself. That same desperation to appeal which drove me to live and then write what I have about a plain desire to eat pussy, appeal to woman a certain way, be useful, etc., is no different from what drove me to appeal to her in the ways I thought she wanted, the same dominance which I had no real interest in at the time, summoned up for what I hoped was her benefit, clearly blinding me to the truth of her, poor girl. It's a silly little game all the way down, too bad real people are playing it.

I spend most of my time now eating better and better, working, healing up, slathering myself in aquaphor, doing pull-ups and thinking of these figures that no longer have such unimpeachable perspectives in my mind. It's freeing to consider myself worthy of not giving each person with any issue with me a bully pulpit within me to forever destroy me from. Also quite unfair to them, not like she sought to ruin me, only to establish her own records, hold her own rituals for her own truths, a byproduct in me might be desired, but I can tell she's not evil, so I'm sure the true effect would not be something she'd have cheered for. So why should I?

I wonder if she thinks it's necessary? Is it a survival mechanism? Has it helped? I wonder if she'd consider it a mark of strength, or weakness? Was thinking to ask her that if we met up. I wonder if that'll change in twenty years. It's a hard world, so if things turn out hard for her then I'm guessing she might. Hoping someone's life turns out better than it likely will is always fun, like betting on the horse in last. I've never been very hopeful, so it might just be that same bias speaking. What is often the most difficult aspect to reconcile is that I get along terribly well with most of the people I've dated, so when there's one who doesn't want to catch up, have a coffee, it's quite clear they're either with someone and feeling puffed up about that — and good for them — or they still think I'm reaching out in order to establish some sort of ongoing contact, in this case, likely, thinking I want some sort of control, meaning they think that desire exists within me. Which is odd and untrue, but understandable.

The new lack of a bully pulpit returns memories previously cordoned off by the fact that they disagreed with the dominant conception, her depiction, of those relations. It's rather depressing. All this time I've been skinning myself alive, and all the while a memory of miscommunication has laid right there. Defining myself as uncaring, which she surely felt I was, stopped me from seeing that I simply cared differently, or was without the capacity. Moments I may have been having anxiety attacks, which she had no clue about and is therefore not to blame, or moments I found beautiful, caressing her silently afterwards, were simply taken as the bare minimum (or less) for what she needed. Horrible thing, being different people. Though I would have loved being told, would have loved the tiniest amount of communication while we were still seeing each other, it's far too late to be upset about such things. These kinds of communication issues are juvenile, but it doesn't diminish the pain the fallout can wreak. Oh well. Oh well. Find myself saying that more and more often. Learned some lessons, all made possible by seeing them in ways which don't deny the things which originally attracted me to them, namely their brilliance and capacity for cruelty.

I dated someone recently who is not brilliant, not in that way, and had no capacity for cruelty. It was fun. It was easier than usual. It was less taxing. And when I ended things, it was sad — and we shared a kind of consideration for each other, an interpretation of things that is not based on what is needed for our individual futures but what is better for the still-shared present. There's no moral judgement made here, especially as I still prefer the kind of woman who can wield morality for her own purposes, but it was a good experience. Part of me wishes that that meant I wanted that sort of person moving forward — but I don't. Don't think I'll ever not enjoy the kind of person who could destroy me, even unintentionally. I would just prefer it not to happen.

[queenmagnusao3]

a kiss with death is better than none

An Agathario fic that starts at the beginning. I'll be trying to stay within the bit of canon the show gave us for Agatha's history but may bend a few things to better fit my narrative

Link to full fic

Evanora Harkness pulled the freshly baked pie from the oven, the warmth of the hot metal oven causing her face to flush and her eyes to sting. She quickly placed it on the table and wiped her brow. The sun had set not 30 minutes prior and she knew he would be there at any moment.

She had felt him growing more distant from her for nearly a full moon cycle now. He seemed to genuinely love her, or at least he seemed to enjoy bedding her any chance he got but his pesky wife and their two brats were getting in the way. He seemed unwilling to leave them, no matter how much of herself she gave over to him.

Evanora wasn’t completely above killing his wife and the children, she just wasn't that desperate yet. She could still make it work. She could still convince him he wanted to stay of his own free will. He was a man of status in the small village and if she could keep him on her side, she wouldn’t have to worry about ending up on the gallows or worse. She would be safe.

The fear towards witch kind had grown to such extreme heights fewer and fewer witches were willing to practice their craft anymore. The humans were quick to pass judgement and even the slightest hint of an unnatural ability was met with swift action. These punishments and executions had begun to get more brutal and extreme. Some deaths were easily avoidable for the average witch but not all were skilled or prepared enough for the trials that awaited them. To make matters worse, many of those accused weren’t even magical, just poor women caught up in the high of the witch hunt. 

Evanora herself once nearly met her end, finding herself standing before a judge and jury determined to find her guilty of the crime that was being a witch. Lucky for her, she was rather proficient in the art of manipulating the mind. It was a fine tuned magic that would damage and warp the weak mind of most humans if not done precisely. 

She used her manipulations to bring forth the truth: the true witch was her accusor, determined to frame Evanora for her own cimes. The witch did not feel guilty over that women’s death. She had already sent half a dozen others to Death’s waiting arms. She deserved whatever pain awaited her.

No, in order to truly be safe she needed him to truly love her. Being a man it wasn’t hard to catch his eye. A slip of her skirts or the gently flip of her hair had him under her spell as soon as he laid his eyes on her. But that rush of something new and forbidden had started to wear off. She needed to up the stakes.

There was the sound of horseshoes on dirt and she quickly pinched her cheeks, giving them an even more rosey look, putting on her sweetest smile turning just as the door opened. 

Thomas was not a particularly handsome man but his dark hair and blue eyes gave him a charming look that Evanora genuinely found enduring. He smiled at her but the smile did not reach his eyes and she knew something was wrong.

“I baked you a pie, my darling. It’s elderberry.”

He took off his hat, holding it in his hands. Another warning. He always hung his hat on the hook by the door.

“My favorite.”

She scanned his face, wishing, not for the first time in her life, she could see into his mind. 

“What’s wrong?”

He didn’t move from the front door. He always pulled her into his arms when he got home. Instead he ran a hand through his thick hair and let out a long sigh.

No no no no no no no

Bells were ringing in her head. She could save this. She could get him to stay.

“Thomas, dear. Come sit and have some pie. It’s been days and I’ve missed you so.”

She moved to him and started to pull off his coat but he flinched away from her. She froze, her heart starting to race as she started working through ideas. She was not going to run again. With his protection she could live her life in peace. She could gather a coven again and together they’d be strong enough to handle anything the foolish humans might try to do to them. She just needed more time.

“Evanora?”

She blinked rapidly, looking up into his piercing blue eyes.

“Evanora, I am sorry. But whatever this is between us cannot continue. I have a wife and two babes not yet 6. I cannot leave them.”

Evanora’s eyes darkened. It wasn’t her fault he was married. He was the one who fell for her advances. He was the one who broke his vow, his devotion. She would not suffer rejection from someone so weak.

She took a step back and turned her back on him. She had one card left to play. Hunching over, she began to quietly sob, pinching the inside of her arm to help the tears well. She heard him take a step and the moment he touched her back she pulled away from his touch, whirling around with angry tears spilling down her cheeks.

“You cannot do this to me! I am an unmarried women with no one else to look after me. To look after us .” She sucked in a dramatic sob of a sigh and fell to her knees, wrapping an arm around her midsection for good effect. She wasn’t actually with child. But that was easy enough to remedy. Or she could always fake a miscarriage in a few weeks. She just needed him to stay for now. 

It took so long for him to react that she almost looked at him to be sure the idiotic man understood what she was telling him. She waited though, letting her gently sobs continue until he was on the floor before her, gently taking her hands in his.

“My darling, are you telling me you are with child?”

She slowly moved her eyes up to meet his, pausing just a moment before nodding slightly. He let out a soft breath and kissed her hands before pulling her into a tight embrace. Evanora melted against him, a wave of relief washing over her as she knew she had won.

“We shall  find someone to help get rid of it. I know they are medicines one can take to-”

She pulled away from him in an instant.

“What did you say?”

He had the gull to look at her confused as if what he said was perfectly normal.

“Evanora, this changes nothing. I am already married. I already have children. I cannot just leave them. I would be an outcast, a disgrace. And your child, the child would be a bastard with no place in society or hope for a future.”

Her anger bubbled over and she lashed out with her magic. She pierced his mind, causing as much pain as she could with no care for precision or care. He writhed and screamed, clutching his head as his eyes glowed. 

You’ll go to your wife tonight and tell her you’re leaving. Tell her you don’t love her. Do whatever you have to do to make them understand you’re not coming back. Make your children forget they ever had a father. Get rid of them in a way that ensures we’ll never have to see them again. Then come back to me and devote yourself to me fully.

She wasn’t even fully aware of the commands she was giving him, she just wanted him gone. She didn't even care if he came back at this point. She just wanted to cause him as much pain as she could. She let out a scream of anger before cutting him free of her spell, rushing to the back door and vomiting into the grass as the cool air stung against her tearstained face.

She knew he would be gone when she went back inside. 

2 days later he returned. His eyes staring at her without truly seeing as he stood in the doorway, his clothing soaked in crimson blood.

“What di-”

“It’s done. They’re gone. And you, my beloved, are mine .”

He walked to her, pulling her close as his lips met hers in a crushing kiss. There was a passion behind it she had not felt from him before. He pushed her back towards the kitchen table, taking her by the hips and lifting her up so she was sitting on the edge. His kisses were frenzied and he quickly started undoing his breeches as she greedily lifted her skirts. She liked this new Thomas and she wanted him just as much as he seemingly wanted her.

He was rough and finished quickly, leaving her wanting more. But she saw it happen in an instant, his eyes changed from hard and hungry to confused, followed by horrified. He pulled away from her, taking in the blood that had transferred to her clothing. His gaze moving towards his own hands and the blood that covered him. He stumbled backwards, towards the door.

“Wh-what have I done?”

Evanora pushed her skirts back down, catching her breath as she walked to him. She touched him gently, slipping back into the role of the meak, nurturing woman he was attracted to for some reason.

“Shh, it’s okay. It will all be okay. Let me get you cleaned up and we can talk about it.”

But there was a madness in his eyes now. 

“No. Y-you stay away from me. I-I heard you in my head. What did you do to me? What have I done? My children! My wife!”

He tripped as he moved farther away from her, stumbling down the stairs as he ran away. 

Evanora watched him stagger down the road towards the village. Letting out a sigh she started making a mental list of the belongings she would be able to carry with her to her next destination. She was never really meant for the life of doting housewife anyway. It was worth the try but it was no great loss on her part.

Her house was empty by the time the townsfolk came for her. She stuck around long enough to hear of his trial. He had slit his wife’s throat and left his children to drown in a well. He confessed to everything claiming his only defense being he had been put under some spell by a witch he had been having relations with.

Committing crimes under a spell sometimes worked as a defense but with such a heinous crime he did not stand a chance. He was found guilty and sentenced to death. 

He was hanged not 3 days later.

It was not for nearly a full moon cycle later that Evanora Harkness realized Thomas had left her with a parting gift. She supposed it was some divine retribution that her last encounter with him had resulted in new life. Maybe this child would be the way forward. Maybe it would be the soltution to all her problems.

She wandered for a few days before she was drawn to a young witch living quietly at the edge of a forest. The woman was happy to provide her with a safe place to take shelter.

“You are with child.”

It was not a question. Evanora looked around the camp and noticed cards on a table, a few of them still set in a familiar spread. A divination witch.

“Yes.”

“The child was made with magic.”

Evanora nodded.

“There is a darkness hanging over her conception.”

Her. So it was a girl. Evanora already felt this though. She had not dwelled much on the fact the child was conceived under magical coercion. Plenty of witches got men with love spells or potions. Surely this was no different. But the other witch’s eyes suddenly grew wide and Evanora swore the skiy darkened.

“There is a great evil within you, Evanora Harkness.”

Evanora’s skin prickled as the witch continued.

“Her power will be like nothing this world has seen. Death will follow your child wherever she goes.”

[paulythide]

My history.

I've been thinking lately, after I suffered my heatstroke, that while I do enjoy writing fan fiction as a hobby.

I truly want to write my own history. We don't often know what the future holds, and I feel that if I don't write this history, I will end up regretting it.

So, I'll post this little prologue so you guys can tell me what you think about it!

(Also, trigger warning at the first part of the history!)

As she sat hunched over her computer, her fingers ached with weariness from the countless hours of typing and inputting an endless stream of numbers and paperwork. Despite her diligent efforts, she knew that her employer and the company saw her as nothing more than another faceless worker lost in the sea of their countless employees. The lack of breaks and constant pressure to perform had become the norm, leaving her feeling undervalued and underappreciated. 

But would she cry about it? No, what would be the point of it all? Nothing really mattered. Truth be told, the numbness in her was proof that she no longer cared about anything. The only thing she cared about now was going home and losing herself in the only escape in her life.

"Miss Elaine," a voice said from behind as she froze immediately. Soon enough, Elaine began to sweat anxiously, hearing the voice of her boss nearby. Her body unconsciously recoiled at each step the man took towards her. Elaine took a deep breath, refusing to let him dominate her again.

"Yes, Mr. Wilson?" Elaine replied quickly, gulping deeply and doing her best to look calm from the outside. Perhaps, with any luck, he would ignore her.

"Have you finished the list for this term?" Mr. Wilson, the pig man, asked, creeping a hand on Elaine's shoulder, an action that made her sense danger. But again, she refused to look frightened. Nothing good would happen if that person saw her like that. Elaine has learned the hard way not to give this type of person the satisfaction of feeling empowered.

"I have, Mr. Wilson," Elaine replied calmly, showing an emotionless face. "It should be in Mr. Stephen's mail by now."

Mr. Wilson hissed slightly, annoyed by her lack of response. "I see. Great job, Miss Elaine."

"Thank you, sir," Again, Elaine wasted no time replying, and for a brief moment, she thought he'd leave her alone. But that was wishful thinking.

Without bothering, Mr. Wilson let his hand roam freely on Elaine's chest, groping his heart's content and smiling to himself as he expected a reaction from her to allow him to do more. But nothing of the sort came. Elaine remained unfazed, motionless as if she were not there.

"You're well-endowed, the same as my daughter. You're young, aren't you? 28 years old? Do you have a boyfriend? Do you have sex regularly?" The pig stated lustfully. Gradually, the pleasure he had been experiencing started to fade as Elaine's lack of response became more apparent. It seemed as if her piercing blue eyes were silently taunting him, which only added to his frustration.

"Would that be all, sir?" Elaine asked, showing nothing but emptiness in her eyes. 

After letting her chest go, Mr. Wilson scoffed and walked away. Elaine did nothing but gaze; her face exhibited no expression, but the rest of her body certainly did. Her hands trembled, and she felt the sharp pain of her nails piercing into her palm. Did she feel scared? Yes. Was it guilt and embarrassment from being helpless to stop it? Of course, it was. Mr. Wilson was the son of the company's founder. He had free reign to do whatever he wanted, much to the horror of Elaine and many other women in the company.

Like a pig that rolls in the mud and then walks away, leaving his squatter's footprints everywhere he goes, knowing no one will dare to stop him.

Elaine was ashamed and embarrassed, but her anger at her own weakness was worse. For years, she buried her head in the sand out of helplessness as she watched and endured abuse. But Elaine couldn't do anything to stop it or help others. Elaine has been on both ends of suffering for so long—as a victim and a witness—that she now feels hopeless and powerless to escape the cycle.

Perhaps there was an exit, but it was one that Elaine refused to take. She was not that brave.

So, without much she could do, Elaine finished her work and returned home, the only place she could feel safe.

The year was 2099, and the start of a new century was coming close. Everyone always spoke about how bright the future would be and how the next century would be better for all. Elaine doubted it. Each year was the same. Each decade did not make things better. So, why would a new century change all of that? A naive thought—that was what Elaine believed it was.

"A simple wish to forget it all."

Elaine sighed, finishing her small grocery store trip before reaching home. She lived in a high-end department—quite a luxurious place for someone like her. The only good that came out of working for such a monstrous company was the pay she received, which allowed her to live quite a good life. But looks were often deceiving. While it was true that Elaine was technically wealthy, she had no one to share it with. She had no family to speak of, no lover to hold her at night, no friends to share connections, or even pets that would make her feel wanted after returning home from work.

Elaine was alone. Or perhaps not truly. After all, she had something to look forward to every night.

"I do hope the new patch didn't mess up the launcher again," Elaine muttered, annoyed, as she put on her VR headset and dived into the only place where she wasn't herself. Elaine entered a game called Antherion.

A VR-MMORPG that shook the world when it came out eight years ago. It was a vast world filled with such a large quantity of races, weapons, classes, and more that every player would be so different from one another that even creating class guides was almost impossible. And not because it was a bad thing. Antherion rewarded creativity above all else, to the point that no player on a whole server would have the same build, class, weapons, armour, or hairstyle as another.

A place where it was said that dreams came true. But for Elaine, Antherion was a world that made her forget about the reality of her life, where she could be someone else. 

Someone she could be proud of being. Someone ferocious who won't be humiliated or frightened by anyone, and above all else, someone powerful.

Those emotions drove Elaine to play the game, to grind her way up, and to truly be that person she always fantasised about being.

"Let's see, what's the patch about?" Elaine muttered as she moved around the game's menu while Antherion's theme menu played in the background. "Uh, there's nothing written in the Dev blog?"

Elaine frowned underneath the VR headset, watching how there was nothing at all on the patch notes, too. "Could it be that they forgot to... update it? It could be, but I truly don't think so."

Then Elaine saw something pooping on the screen. 

You've been chosen; a call for help arrives, and you have a new world to explore. Would you assist them? Or would you destroy them?

        Accept?  

    ->Decline.

Elaine stared, confused at what was in front of her. "Ah, is this a new event or something? Did the patch note bug out for me? I don't remember reading anything about new content for the game in the forums."

Elaine frowned, but she accepted, thinking that she would just enter a new event in the game and nothing more.

  ->Accept

     Decline.

"I do hope the event has good mounts. The last one had nothing good to offer."

Elaine simply shrugged it off as she entered the game and was soon met with her character profile.

[Character Profile]

->Avnas = Level 180

-[Race: Demon.]

Elaine grinned, proudly watching her character. A towering demon with dazzling white hair. Deep yellow eyes with gold flecks. Two horns and a lengthy tail highlight her appearance. After hundreds of hours invested in character, one should be proud to have accomplished that much. And Elaine did, because who wouldn't be pompous after fulfilling all of the objectives of their own character? 

After truly checking every box of challenges one sets for themselves. Elaine knows she wasn't the only one who thought the same.

"And here I thought they'd widen the level cap. But that was wishful thinking on my part. It would have produced further problems for the players, who didn't know how to level up correctly."

Elaine muttered to no one but herself. She began to check her email before diving into the game. She wanted to make sure no one would bother her. These were sacred hours for her.

"Well, truly, levelling in this game is quite confusing," Elaine's inner monologue was out loud. She has become a master of speaking to herself.

If she was honest, Elaine was being unfair, It wasn't the fault of some players for not levelling up their characters correctly. She made the same mistake when she started playing.

Maybe it was because of how big the level gap looks to new players. It could genuinely be intimidating for people who are casual.

The level ceiling was 180, which could seem exaggerated, but it wasn't. It was actually a four-division level put together.

Ninty levels were the maximum for the main class.

Fifty levels were for sub-class.

Thirty levels were for job-specific talents.

And the last ten levels were for race-unique levels.

It was a straightforward way to see things and to play with them. It was not complicated at all. For example, Elaine's character, Avnas, was a level 90 [Arcane Spellcaster]. She then devoted 50 of her sub-class levels to making her class more unique and filling the gaps of apparent weakness a magic caster would typically have in a game like this. She took [Arcane Warrior], making both main class and sub-class sync better, allowing her to fully use her abilities without a downside.

Then, there were job-specific talents.

Job-specific talents were things like [Blacksmith] [Craftmen] [Sword-dancer] [Erudite] etc. Each job had a cap level of ten, which generally allowed someone to choose three job traits.

One could also divide the levels to get more job-specific talents, but in Elaine's humble opinion, the trade-off was not worth it. One would have a bunch of job talents that were unmaxed and useless.

Elaine chose the best job-specific talents that could work with her main class and sub-class. [Academic Wizard], [Arcanist and Mana Reservist] and [Demonic Knight].

Now, race-unique levels were the most important and the ones that took the longest to level up. Reaching level 170 was easy. One could do it in two weeks with XP Boost. But those 10 last levels could not be boosted by anything in the store. They were locked behind special quests, events, and time. 

They were so vital and game-changing that a level 170 player could never beat a level 180 player. The 10-level gap was as big as a level 10 facing a level 170.

Each level offered an attribute called race mastery that served as a particular talent, skill, or characteristic. It was simple enough for many to understand and implement.

"Tomorrow is Sunday. At the very least, I don't have to work," Elaine sighed deeply, deciding to ignore the emails from work and just focus on playing the game she loved so much.

She adjusted her VR and leaned backwards on her chair. Soon enough, Elaine expected to be in her character, but something wasn't right. Her eyes were looking at how the loading screen was stuck in place. Strange, but not uncommon. 

"For crying out loud," Elaine groaned as she pushed the reset button. But again, something was wrong. The screen was still stuck on the same loading screen. "I really don't need this right now!"

Elaine hissed angrily, but as she was about to reboot her entire system completely, she began to feel sick and in pain. Elaine felt as if something was ripping her apart, then squeezed. It was like being sucked into a vacuum, and as fast as that horrible experience came, it vanished. She wanted to take the VR headset but couldn't. It was stuck around her head somehow. 

Arghhh! Please! Someone help me! Elaine wailed inside her mind because her voice did not obey her.

It seemed as though something was slowly and cruelly crushing her brain. Fear and despair set in, along with disorientation. Was she going to die? Was she having a seizure? Elaine didn't know. But one thing was clear for her: I don't want to die!

Those were Elaine's last thoughts—her final human thoughts before darkness took her.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is just a prologue. Also, I am wondering where to post it. I think that AO3 will be good, but I am also thinking of other pages.

Like Royal Road or Tapas, but I don't know yet. Do you guys have any suggestions?

[siravalondulac]

xx. to not believe a prophecy

a heart so golden, a sun so bright

asoiaf ff | fem!oc centric

summary: elle hears a prophecy word count: 524 warnings: none author's note: sorry for the short chapter, but it is kind of (read: very) important to include. the rest of the story is action-packed, so it won't hurt too much :) promise :)

masterlist

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Elle attended a wedding.

How or why she ended up there was still a mystery to her, but she was enjoying herself, and right now, that was all that mattered.

The wedding was a small affair. The couple said their vows in the village sept before a celebration was held in the town's centre. Despite not much food being available so deep into the war, the music and dancing and cheering compensated for that tenfold.

Elle had a grand time as well. After the past time, after what happened with the Lord of High Anura, she was glad to not be confronted with difficulties.

Men and women alike asked her to dance with them. She accepted every offer with a smile, though kept them all at a distance.

(Her necklace had almost broken at some point - or at least seemed like it did. She had hastily taken it off and hidden it in her pocket. No one again would recognise her because of it.)

As the festivities had died down a little, a woman arrived. She looked old, though still held herself with the gracefulness of a queen. The bride’s sister introduced her as Kassandra, and claimed her to be a seer, a vessel of the gods, who would foretell the couple's future.

“I see happiness in the immediate future. Though beware of secrets. One of them could end not just your love.”

The couple had looked at each other happily, the man proclaiming he would have no secrets from his love.

“I see… A family. Mistakes to be corrected, rules to be adhered, bonds to be repaired. But love still. And acceptance, even as uncomfortable truths come to light.”

The bride gleamed at this, laying a hand on her stomach and promising to give the man many a child.

“The Walls bleed and the woods weep. Innocents will suffer for the crimes of their commanders. Steer clear of the man in pink. He shall be the one to finally break you.”

They shared concerned glances, asking the seer what she had meant, but the woman did not answer.

“Beware the siren's call, and beware the cold. Beware false gods and false gold. None of it makes happy, and all of it dooms.”

The discomfort was spreading amongst all attendees. The bride’s sister tried to touch the seer, to shake her out of whatever trance she had fallen into, yet her eyes stayed focused on whatever laid far before her.

“When spring turns to winter, when the monstrous breaks its knightly armour. To fire it will fall, to ice it will reawaken. Three betrayals it takes, three loves it breaks. One wish shall end it all.”

Suddenly, the seer took in an audible breath, doubling over and coughing several times. She apologised, claiming she did not know what had gotten into her, but swearing to remedy her slip with more prophecies.

Elle decided she had heard enough. Nothing of what this so-called seer said held any weight.

She quietly stood up and walked towards the hut she was staying in.

No one could see the future, and it was folly trying to do so.

previous | next

[beevean]

Thinking about it LoI's cutscene with Mathias kind of clarifies why Dracula keeps being evil even after Alucard told him of Lisa's last wish and he himself even apologizing to her for his actions.

When Leon calls him out on his bullshit claiming that Elisabetha would never approve of his actions Mathias....just ignores the question

He simply states that she was a kind woman and that's why he's pissed at God and then proceeds to ask Leon "Hey you would've done the same don't judge me"

But inadvertently he kind of answers Leon's question by claiming that Elisabetha was kind which means that, on some level, he knows that what he's doing would disgust her yet he represses that truth so that he can keep walloing in hatred.

Dracula knows that Lisa would hate him for his actions yet he keeps doing them because he can't let go of hatred. When he apologizes to her it's probably not just for what he's done already but for not being able to meet her wish in general

Similarily, in DoS, Soma knows full well that giving up to his dark self would be awful yet he tries to go along with Celia's plan anyway upon thinking Mina died, even apologizing to her for what he's about to do

Yep! Dracula is a selfish bastard. He claims to love his wives, and yes he certainly saw something in them and was fond of them... but he didn't actually care enough to put their wishes above his own.

That scene with Mathias himself is also very telling. My man just finished confessing to having ruined Leon's life, to having used him and Sara for the sake of his plan, and then he offers Leon to join him in immortality and pulls a surprisedpikachuface.jpg when Leon understandably tells him to go fuck himself. He's been swallowed by his rage against God for "taking Elisabetha away from him", he appeals to Leon's grief by saying "after what you've been through, you should know" probably expecting him to renounce God as well, but didn't expect that he would feel the same towards Mathias for pretty much doing the same thing. The lack of empathy is astounding.

"Elisabetha was a kind, honorable woman. She was concerned only for me to the very end… That is why I hate Him! Am I wrong?!" You can nearly see Mathias starting to think "huh, yeah, my wife was a good woman, she'd probably be concerned for me for what I'm doing"... until he retreats in his anger again and chooses to blame God once again. I mean, he just ruined so many people's lives and absorbed Walter's soul to become a vampire, a little too late to accept that he fucked up.

And this is baby Dracula. It's easy to imagine that, by the time of SoTN, sunk cost fallacy more than applies. He died and got resurrected so many times, he killed so many people, he spread so much misery... and for what? For him to realize that his loved women would hate him? No, he can't go back now.

As for DoS, the line "If it means getting Mina's revenge, I'll do it. Make me the dark lord" really hurt the first time I played :( all this time spent rejecting his fate, and he's aware that he'll lose himself and become the sworn enemy of his friends... but he just has enough of seeing his loved ones die. celia is so fucking dumb

Needless to say, NFCV barely touches this point, despite the whole "appeal" of N!Dracula being that it expands upon his grief. S2, through Godbrand and Carmilla, insists on the point that Dracula's plan was stupid, that he won't think about how vampires will feed, that he only wants to die, and why didn't he just turn Lisa into a vampire, but IIRC no one among the heroes (and yes I'm talking about Alucard in particular) points out his sheer hypocrisy and lack of respect towards the woman he's supposed to love.

(although, to be fair, I love the line "Kill for the endless lifetime of hate before me". He also knew that he would never recover from his rage. until he did but shhh)